#really. really fucking weird man

[dennisboobs]

i think everyone on sunnytwt needs to be sat down so i can explain to them what basic human empathy is. and then maybe i put them in a blender until they agree to write meta about the characters instead of whether or not charlie day got facial reconstruction surgery.

#ada speaks #u do not exist in a vacuum and your words have the capability to harm others #celebrities may not see your tweets but your balding transmasc mutual and your follower who feels self conscious about her nose will #it is fucking bizarre the way these people conduct themselves online #really. really fucking weird man #and then you see them acting like ppl are 'defending rich white men' #instead of taking issue with the actual shit theyre saying #whether or not you think rcg has been 'under the knife' or not #a) how is this any of your business. you are not entitled to this info nor do you have a free pass to criticize someone's personal choice #b) ask yourself why you feel you need to critique alleged surgeries and how they stack up to imposed conventional beauty standards #c) you do not *own* them. you can have opinions on your own attraction to them but #a person getting plastic surgery or hair plugs or whatever is up to them. not you. if it helps to make them feel better then who cares. #just because it doesn't make them attractive to YOU doesn't mean its okay to point and laugh #if a trans guy got top surgery and it was 'botched' would you act like they were stupid for getting it in the first place? #if a trans woman decided she wanted to surgically shave her jaw would you shame her for that? #it's their body. it's not yours. #for the record i don't believe any of them have gotten work done but think its a stupid thing to speculate on regardless #ive watched family members go through plastic surgeries of varying success. ive seen them get botox and hair plugs and everything #normal everyday people do it and it's not always about vanity #it can be for gender reaffirming reasons (and yes this includes when cis people do it) to alleviate dysphoria #trying to point out alleged surgical alterations made is just. gross #not to mention that holy shit MOST of the shit ppl are saying is like. age. different hairstyles. different facial expressions. #maybe if these people actually watched the show theyd be able to see the gang in action instead of staring at pics like spot the difference

[inkskinned]

"it's so embarrassing you like that popular thing" "oh ew that geeky/strange thing is so cringe lol" "oh it's kind of weird you get excited about that harmless shit"

dude i love how ironic and jaded you are and that's so cool and sexy of you. and i am so so glad to tell you - you won!! we all had a meeting and we decided that you won, and we are writing your name on the inside of a burger king crown. the marker smeared, sorry, but we knew any form of real effort is ugly to you. but anyway. congrats! you are officially the coolest, most ironic, most jaded person in-the-world-right-now. we would throw you a party but you would think it was totally boring - and besides, we're weird so we wouldn't have been coming. we would have brought our love of beetles and of baking and of little canapes. we would have brought our artsy videogames and pages of writing. we would have written a poem with you, our hands covered in ink, and spread out a canvas to dance on, the night so lurid and pink.

but do not worry. we will not throw the party. we will just get you a ringlight and that crown i mentioned. it is a nice crown, except for where one of us dropped it.

the vote was a really hard one because we had so many cool ironic people to pick off the shelves. all of you have hands that rot fruit, how strange is that - you can't look at something without destroying it for other people. you like it when you can squeeze a person into a pinpoint - all us small ones scampering our little feet around our ugly joys. the vote was also a hard one because we kept our voices down because you don't like it when we talk too loud. you were on your phone at the time, talking to people other than us. you are a ghoul of every moment - half in, half out, you resent us for being here without shame or embarrassment.

so good news! we have invented an island for people like you. you get to go there and speak into the air things like if you still like watching harmless twitch streamers in 2023 you're fucking boring. you will say things like liveplay podcasts are fucking ugly and it's kind of awkward they try to make everything gay. on the island we made you, all of your words will have weight. they will form in the air like icicles, large white behemoth letters that will crumple in anvils around your feet. maybe we will send someone there once in a while to sweep, but honestly you might be there for a while, alone, waiting. we are busy being outside looking for mushrooms and flapping our hands and humming. we are busy kicking our little heels while we watch cringey tv. we are busy - sorry! as an apology, we have pre-filled the island with every bland, mediocre, unscented thing we could find. the island has the texture of american cheese. the island has an ocean that never gets angry. the island is perfect for you, trust me. you will be so happy there - as happy as you can be, ironically.

we want to say we are sorry for doing harmless things that you find annoying, childish, or unappealing - but we are not sorry. we thought we could help you, because we don't mind laughing at ourselves, but it turns out you are allergic to color and noise and atmosphere, so this is the best that we can do for now. we are all making a big shirt that says i voted in the ironic monarchy. we got you one that is just a fast fashion buttondown. i am so excited for you and this island and the big life you have won. you have a cool jaded grey life and miles of irony to roam. i love you! be well.

now leave us alone.

#spilled ink #writeblr #slam poetry #i started this as a joke and ended up taking after #the poem about all the women in the world meeting in the bathroom #i can't find it to link it directly i've been googling for like 15 minutes if someone can remember #turns out frantically googling the only lines like ''women meeting in the bathroom'' #''secret womens meeting you always believed happened" is not useful for . to search??? help :( #also the reason this says harmless so many times is bc like #this is 100% about like #yeah man when ppl are mean about ppl enjoying things like. fuckin lady gaga #like this is so obviously about ppl who steal ur joy for no reason (i WILL steal ur joy if ur a bigot btw) #also yes it's bc someone was like ''liking the mcelroys in 2023 is cringe'' #and im like. dude what the fuck literally just let people like things it's LITERALLY not that deep. #like i dont like centipedes theyre one of like the 2 bugs im squicked out by ... but like. #if u really like centipedes. im like so happy for you. i hope you can put socks on ur centipedes #so they can speedclean ur floors. that would be fun and cool!!! #i love u i hope all of you have a weird passion i love you i hope that passion fills your life like soap bubbles

[andiv3r]

Not to be that guy, but... hey he/they trans guys, I just wanna ask. Do you use "they" because it feels right... because it clicks as part of your identity... or because it doesn't hurt as much as she/her, so it must be okay.

And don't just evaluate this for they/them. Evaluate it for he/him as well. "I'm a guy so I have to use he/him" no the fuck you do not. Plenty of guys use they/them. Plenty of guys use she/her. Plenty use it/its/ve/vir/ce/cir and are still men. If he/him doesn't fit, you don't fucking have to use he/him and it doesn't make you any less of a man. You know that... right?

Also before this post starts an argument I am not pissing on he/they pronoun users I am simply reminding all you transmascs that there is no obligation binding you to those specific pronouns... a post I needed to see myself.

#andiv3r rambles #trans #transgender #trans ftm #ftm #trans male #transmasc #trans boy #trans guy #trans man #pronouns #recently noticed a trend of trans guys using he/they for a while before realizing they really don't fucking like they/them pronouns #and just used them out of some weird sort of social obligation of “well i don't pass as a guy so i'm gonna get called 'they' anyway” #along with “well it's better than she/her i guess...” #and like... guys. you know you are under no obligation to use they/them right? #same for he/him “i reeeally prefer they/them but i AM a guy so... i sort of have to use he/him too lol” no the fuck you don't??? #do whatever you want forever dudes. #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbt+ #i made this post because i really needed to see it myself a while back but i didn't #had to have the revelation on my own

[a-sketchy]

persona misogyny is so fucking wild. ignoring literally everything else about the entire rest of the games, every single s.link with a female character is like “entirely for having been born a woman i have had to work twice as hard for a fraction of the benefit. even now, i am stripped of my agency in a position i never wanted in the first place” and/or “i’m put on a pedestal by the people in my life because of my looks. men see me as an object to be conquered, women hate me for ‘stealing’ ‘their’ men. if i’m withdrawn i’m a bitch, if i’m friendly i’m easy. because of this, i’m alone” and/or “because of my personality or hobby or lack of cooking skills, i feel like i’m failing at femininity. if being a woman is something i can fail at, then where does that leave me? i’m scared at the loss of my identity and place in society”

like very consistently they present female characters with complex thoughts towards their place in society as women, femininity as a whole, and facing issues stemming from misogyny, and then the payoff is always “my problems were entirely my own fault. i wasn’t strong enough, i was a coward. but now, i’m gonna work hard to be exactly what society expects me to be (which is what i want to be)! i’m gonna do better at femininity (which is still something tangible i can fail at)! i’m going to try hard at making friends (which was my fault for not doing)! all my problems are solved through personal responsibility (that im totally culpable for), effort (which i previously was not putting in), or you, a man! i am Happy and Satisfied with this outcome, can i be Your woman?”

and like hello? why are we here. what the fuck are we doing. why do we keep doing this every single time. can we not do the constant lukewarm attempts at criticizing misogyny so you can jerk off to your own thoughtfulness, while ultimately reinforcing patriarchal systems and brushing off any deeper misogyny-bred issues as a lack of deference to one’s rightful place in society? like maybe don’t do that? for fucking once? just an idea

#i’d really need to rewatch slinks to give more indepth thoughts or pull specific examples #but i’m right and i pace about it every day #i’m not really talking about naoto that’s a whole other can of worms a long way down the line #rambles #if persona’s all about wish fulfillment where’s my persona game where i can be a feminist huh #p4g posting #p3p posting #yeah both of those. i’m not far enough in p4 to have seen the payoff but i know that its fucking persona 4 #and jesus christ yukiko!! i only vaguely know of ai. chie in the main story/dialogue options you have #jesus christ the dialogue options. can you ask literally every girl if they have a boyfriend?? and ‘thats very feminine’ DIE #and man p3p. persona main plot misogyny is weird when you’re on the other side of it #it’s a very different experience being the one getting peeped on #and then saori. and mitsuru. and fuuka. kinda rio. idr a single thing about yukari’s slink i’m sorry but probably her too #also my vague recollection of p5 with haru. ann by default though idr her slink #and goddd of course the. everything else. i’m not touching on. main plot misogyny and inherent writing stuff and etc etc etc etc etc etc et #GOD. #persona is hell

[apollo18]

Concept: the justice league finds out that Blaze and Satanus, the rulers of hell, are kids of their ‘even more of a boy scout than Superman’ coworker’s “boss” and think Shazam is the Christian God. They ask Billy really vague questions that lead Billy into confusing them even more and they become convinced that Marvel’s Wizard guy is God with a capital G and Marvel’s either an angel or the second coming of Jesus.

Meanwhile Shazam doesn’t even know what the Bible is and his knowledge about religion is so outdated he still thinks Solomon’s Judaism is new age and not worth his time to research such a ‘fad’ religion, but he knows humans will make a religion out of anything as well as bastardize existing ones and very well could have mixed up actual tales that involve him, his allies, and his children into some sort of melting pot of a religion.

So when someone finally asks Marvel outright if his “boss” is God, Billy goes ‘wait… old guy in white robes and sandals, with long white hair and a beard… lives in space… aka the “heavens”, whose a ghost(Holy Spirit), and knows everything(historama)??? I need to dig deeper into this hold on guys’ and goes off to ask the wizard.

So when Billy asks the Wizard he just tells Billy “well, my boy, if so many things match up, maybe it is so and the tales of myself and my champions grew so estranged from their origins or mixed in with other beliefs that it can explain the things that aren’t true to our reality.”

Then The Canonical Character To The DC Universe, Jesus of Nazareth, shows up.

#billy batson #shazam #dc captain marvel #dc comics #I really like religious history and folklore and that’s sort of what really got me into Shazam #Fawcett and DC’s interpretations are all so weird and conflicting just like actual religious history lol #I think comic books really capture the essence of the ancient myth very well #there’s so many different interpretations of a character with conflicting lore and so many writers across the decades #Batman: for the LAST FUCKING TIME our coworker is NOT Jesus #Guy Gardener: The man fights demons called The Seven Deadly Sins and follows orders from some guy he says lives in space also isn’t in spac #Guy: what the fuck else are we supposed to think?

[bamboozled-distress]

my favourite creature

#man i see this panel EVERYWHWRE i got so insanely happy that i actually got to see in while i was reading batgirl #i love it when batgirl or Batman are just like shapes and they really are just some fuckin creature so weird and ominous #i love it #batgirl (2000) #batgirl (2000) 59 #may i say though i fucking hate tim in fresh blood #batman #batgirl #cassandra cain #cass cain #cassandra wayne #dc #fresh blood #laz.exe

[kkujo]

i love you girls with round faces i love you girls with strong jawlines i love you girls with big foreheads i love you girls with chubby cheeks i love you girls with masculine features i love you girls with square faces i love you girls with big noses i love you girls with double chins i love you girls with bushy eyebrows i love you girls with soft jawlines i love you girls with crooked teeth i love you girls with small eyes i love you girls

#body positivity #man can p*rn blogs stop rbing this please? esp weird fat f*tish blogs lmfao? #also since i have to say it maybe pro ed blogs can stop rbing too. this is a positivity post by someone in recovery #trying to unlearn negative thoughts abt myself from the mind rotting shit y'all post. like come on #also i'm a teenager so it's really fucking weird for 50yo kink blogs to rb ♡ that's all

[wikiangela]

wip wednesday

tagged by @tizniz @daffi-990 💖

just a tiny lil snippet of the bucktommy fic before I post it probably later tonight (it's basically almost done, and then I just need a title) ngl this whole fic turned out hornier than I expected but buck is just a baby bi who has his first boyfriend, and I am not immune to how hot tommy is okay 🙈 (buck and I have literally the exact same taste in men and women istg 🤣) i kinda wanted to turn it into smut but I want it posted before the episode and it turned out too long already haha

prev snippet

___

“When you’re ready.” Tommy says, his thumb tenderly brushing against where Buck’s birthmark is.

“Yeah.” Buck nods. “And when I am, I- Well, I bet you can teach me more stuff than just flying or Muay Thai.” he says half-jokingly, referencing the conversation right before their first kiss, when Buck didn’t even realize he was flirting until he thought back on it – which freaked him out, too, because how often did this happen before? Tommy just grins, all confident and charming, and leans in to press a soft but hungry kiss to Buck’s lips. Buck’s insides swirl and dance and make him feel all giddy and floaty. 

“Oh, I can teach you. I’m gonna.” he whispers, lightly pulling at Buck’s lip. Buck almost asks him to stay. Almost tries to bring Tommy closer, and thrust his hips up to make their clothed dicks collide again, wanting to feel that pressure again. He doesn’t, though. Which requires an impressive amount of self-control, if he says so himself.

___

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @thebravebitch @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @watchyourbuck @eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @wildlife4life @diazpatcher @lover-of-mine @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @neverevan @weewootruck @loveyouanyway @spagheddiediaz @rainbow-nerdss @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @spotsandsocks @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @nmcggg @rogerzsteven @giddyupbuck @sunshinediaz @honestlydarkprincess @underwater-ninja-13 @exhuastedpigeon @911-on-abc @jesuisici33 @steadfastsaturnsrings @theotherbuckley @buddieswhvre @dangerpronebuddie @diazsdimples @fortheloveofbuddie @hoodie-buck @your-catfish-friend @hippolotamus @bidisasterbuckdiaz

#wip wednesday #lowkey wanna write bucktommy smut ngl #maybe i will eventually haha #honestly the way im trying so hard not to make this one into smut but buck is fighting me lmao he really wants to fuck that man 🤣 #also had an idea for eddie pov fic where he's pining and jealous and has no idea why he feels weird about bucktommy 🤔 #(i wanted this fic to go there but it'd be too fucking long haha) #fic snippet #wikiangela writes #my writing #my wips #911 fic #911 abc #bucktommy #tommy kinard #evan buckley #bucktommy post-date fic #buck x tommy #bucktommy fic

[yanderederee]

I know these aren’t characters I write for, much less think about often… but I had a funny little dream where Rindou was supposed to pick me up from a party, but forgot, so I called Ran instead. We grab a midnight meal, and he takes me home (no funny business). We guilt trip Rindou the next day and he’s so mad….

I have half a mind to write a little headcanon/prompt in this idea but i don’t know haha…

#it was actually really wholesome #I have a weird thing where I don’t think about characters until I have a random dream about them #and then randomly obsess over them for a short time #examples: Sinbad from Magi #god I fuck with Sinbad…. #mans is mouthwatering #anyway #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo rev x y/n #tokyo revengers rindou #tokyo revengers ran #rindou haitani #haitani rindou #ran haitani #haitani ran #ran #rindou #rindou haitani x reader #ran haitani x reader #rindou x reader #ran x reader

[uncanny-tranny]

It's weird how people paint "daddy issues" and even "mommy issues" as, like, a joke or a failure on part of the person who has those issues, rather than recognizing that daddy and mommy issues stem, for so many people, from abuse. What this all is is just abuse apologia, and nobody seems to either notice or maybe even care.

When somebody with daddy or mommy issues opens up about the "why," I can't ever seem to shake the fact that they tend to have gone through a ton of abuse and bullshit as a child. It's just crazy that other people would look at that and see a joke or a failure of the once-child who was abused.

#abuse #abuse tw #abuse mention tw #child abuse #child abuse tw #mental health #it really goes to show (to me) that people either can't or don't WANT to acknowledge that parents can be the ones to have fucked up #if all the blame is placed on their child/ren then you can maintain the illusion that the parent is always right... #...that parents know what is best and they will always do what is best for their child/ren #it's just weird to be somebody with parental issues and all that gets steamrolled into 'mommy issues' that then become a Big Joke... #...especially because i'm a man (and because people are misogynists who think it's just so funny that women are people)... #...i find that my own issues are expected to be treated as a joke or a punchline or something i must whisper in the dark... #...so that others may have the luxury of pretending to not hear it or to have the luxury of forgetting in the morning... #...and it just sucks because that leaves me to remember and grieve and doing that with the knowledge that my abuse Is A Joke at My Expense #if you wonder why so many abuse victims/survivors become unsavoury: this is why #i'm too bitter about this topic specifically to care about the comfort of people who don't get it and don't WANT TO... #...because it is THEY who are uncomfortable with the very NOTION that abuse happens #if you can't acknowledge that abuse happens WITHOUT downplaying to for your sense of comfort you will NEVER help abuse victims/survivors #you will find that you start prioritizing YOUR sense of comfort over the safety and continued survival of victims/survivors

[lab-gr0wn-lambs]

Ok do the thousands of Bethyl shippers realize it means they're headcanoning Daryl as a pedophile or

#a 40-something dating a 18yo is weird enough but I'm pretty damn sure she wasn't even 18 yet. And they MET when she was 16. #I'm mad because I wanna draw them. Their season 4 episodes were great. But it was platonic. FAMILIAL. #Daryl was like her cool uncle not her *creepy* uncle ffs #did he *really* treat her any differently than he would the rest of his close family in their situation? Be honest. #a man and a pretty young woman have any kind of chemistry and y'all lose your minds #christ on a stick she called him her chaperone. ''mr dixon''. she was being sarcastic but it's literally true #I know Norman and Emily can be kinda flirty but she's fucking 40. BETH aint! #that dude with the claimers was talking smack about him 'losing some tail' and 'it was one of the young ones wasn't it' #and Daryl was boutta beat his ass for that #and I know it's because he was being a deisrespectful asshole but I like to think it's also because That's Gross Bitch #anyways #I really really hate this ship is what I'm saying #twd #I aint tryna pspsps y'all though so #anti bethyl

[copias-juicebox]

copias BIG ASS head.

Reblog if you agree.

#idk something about his rat head on his shoulders is giving me heart eyes #and it‘s really weird i know but i can‘t help myself but find this adorable?? #also his whole sweatpants and jacket fit is so attractive?? 🤷🏼‍♀️ #idk why because there‘s a bunch of guys outside of my home that walk around like that on a daily basis but they are NOT it.. #you know what i mean?? #copia just rocks that shit and he knows it! #or does he? maybe he just doesn‘t give a fuck and that again is so hot #can this man do anything wrong is my question? #now please excuse this post lol #jen rambles #tobias forge #ghost #ghost band #copia #papa emeritus #ghesties #ghost sweden #the band ghost #myedit #papa emeritus iv

[banjo-bugs]

i knowww we all love drawing kevin in cool cecil esque outfits or robes or whatever but just consider for me

#this is semi serious maybe it’s just me but when a pattern is that concentrated it’s unsettling #mostly a joke tho. make that man dress like shit. #also < plagued by kevin thoughts but he really is just a fucked up extension of cecil.. #i like to think a little of his weird fashion sense stuck around <3 #wtnv

[drenched-in-sunlight]

I gotta say I did not expect I’d love Miles this much, enough to look up shit like Secret War and Civil War II reading order, and worse, subject myself to Bendis’ writing of all things (he’s the reason why I stopped being a comic stan 5 years ago. I were a DC/ Superfam fan. You know the beef was BEEFING). Like, my tolerance of that dude now only stops at him being one of Miles’ creators. So that better writers can do the kid justice years later. That’s it.

Like, why is the “r u and Ganke together haha” a whole shtick that comes up multiple times during his run? It’s so annoying and painful to read. Miles can go around being paired up with different girls but the moment THAT question came up you know he gonna be super defensive and >:( about it which, eh, just does not line up with anything else happening in whatever story is happening at the time. At all.

The only silver of light is that Miles actually never says he doesn’t like boys, he just denies ever dating Ganke. Like, he could just say he doesn’t swing that way and the question would have stopped, but he doesn’t. So I know he be running around kissing the punk-est boy in the whole spider verse, ha!

Idk I’m near the end of Bendis’ run and some of it r good but a lot of them put me thru excruciating pain (cringe) so I have to complain about it.

Did I mention I were a DC stan 6 years ago? I were a DC stan 6 years ago so this isn’t even my first rodeo with white dudes writing weirdest things in American comic, but I just can’t believe I got dragged into this again because Miles blinks his bambi eyes on screen and makes me want to rotate him in my brain so I need to know the lore of him in every medium, apparently.

#A POST COMPLAINING ABOUT COMIC? ON THIS BLOG?? AFTER 6 YEARS?? #anyway #it’s so insane like I could actually go haha I know this trope i know these fucked up issues numbering I know how to skim through #an entire event I know how to make sense of these reading order like my comic nerd self is not dead it’s still there #this is all Hobie and MiIes’ fault I tell you #terrible terrible #but at least I get to pull out the i actually read the comics card if anyone ever lords over me about drawing fanarts of the movie #ha! #personal #genuinely think miles’ origin in the comic is so fucked up tho Aaron is a real piece of work there #and by that I mean a gaslighting horrible jerk #still dunno what’s worse being chased around by whole ass adults yelling he’s a mistake #or being in a middle of a civil WAR where again grown ass adults fighting OVER him and making his choice for him #wow dat was crazy #but Miles’ current writer is really good and I also enjoy reading him when he’s with the Champions #also b3ndis’ 2016 run is SO WEIRD like there are dialogues that just make you go #“yep a white man wrote this

[maybeitsalivescribbles]

VH - Meet the Wife

Vampire Hero was insufferable. All his foes agreed on that.

So, after Supervillain escaped, the first thing he wanted was revenge. It was easy to locate Hero – it was not like this smug bastard was hiding. Currently, Supervillain was watching him by one of the windows of his home.

It was a nice scene, if a tad melodramatic. Hero was sitting by the bed – and yes, he was kneeling – holding the hand of a pretty woman who didn’t react. Supervillain knew that she wouldn’t. He had made an inquiry about her. She was Hero’s wife, and she'd been cursed.

“It’s a sleeping spell, and it’s not curable for now”, he’d heard from one of Hero’s colleagues. “She’s only awake one or two hours, poor guy. He basically turned good for her sake.”

Supervillain’s reasoning was simple. If you couldn’t attack your foe directly, you went for the weak spot. A hero annoys you, you kill his wife, the hero goes mad with grief, that was a classical story. He had a nice view from the window. She really looked like one of these virginal princesses you see in these old fairy tales books. It was not hard to imagine the girl with her hands clasped, pleading for the life of the innocents until her man relented. Yes, it would be fun to rip her into pieces.

After a while, Hero went off. Breaking into the place after that was easy. Supervillain opened the door, checked a couple of rooms, and smiled. He didn’t have to be careful. Even if the wife would wake up, she looked frail even wrapped in blankets. He tilted his head, looked at her, wondered if that was worth gloating when no one could hear him, then shrugged and stabbed his victim.

“Zdiiiiiiiingbonnng”

Supervillain’s eyebrow went up his hairline. He removed the blankets, leaving the body covered with only a silk gown, and tried again. The result was the same. The dress was damaged, but the blade bounced on the skin. Supervillain squinted.

Two purple eyes slowly blinked and stared at him. A skinny hand brushed over the hole in her dress. The wife yawned.

“Are you the delivery man ?” she asked.

Supervillain straightened up.

“I’ve come to deliver a message to your husband”, he answered. “I will not rest until I’m avenged.”

“Avenged ? You didn’t get a tip ?”

“I’m your husband’s mortal foe.”

She laughed.

“No, you’re not. You’re food.”

She opened her mouth, and Supervillain just had time to see a glint of her razor-sharp teeth before she bit his neck. That didn’t last long. After the first sip, she rejected him with disgust. Her thin arms threw him away much farther than the laws of physics should have permitted. He landed in the middle of the room, and not too softly.

“How dare you,” she said with a voice low enough to make the ground shiver. “You’re not even worth eating. A couple of centuries ago, young man, I wouldn’t even have wanted your head in a spike near my castle.”

Supervillain crawled back in the direction of the main door. She stepped towards him with as much enthusiasm as one would throw the trash out, but she stopped. Her eye had caught a note stuck on the fridge. Supervillain squinted. The note said: “Please don’t kill or maim in the house sweetheart ♡ (because of my job)”

The wife clucked her tongue and sighed, but reluctantly stayed still. Supervillain’s pride got the better of him. He stood up, dusting his cape, squared his shoulders and groaned:

“You have no idea who you’re dealing with. You might be strong, but I’ve wiped out cities. Once the country was nearly in my grasp. It takes talent. It takes guts. It takes more than powers that were given to you on a silver plate.”

“Nearly ?”

She gave him a look of absolute contempt and went back to bed:

“Don’t boast about your failures, little man, and leave me be.”

Incredulous, he watched her getting back to sleep, putting on her face something to shield her eyes from the light. It looked like a mask, and not a normal sleep mask, but a huge, heavy thing that glittered. As a vampire, he supposed she didn’t need to breathe, but still, it didn’t look comfortable. He stepped forward to take a better look. It was in metal all right, and it was a grimacing face of a demon.

His blood ran cold. He already saw that mask. It was depicted on a book he had as a teen, about the dark and evil rulers of the ancient times. “The Iron Death”, said the legend. “The gory story of an evil empress who drowned her captives in the blood of their subjects, and sought to be turned into a vampire so she would keep her empire forever.”

He shook his head in disbelief. It was an old tale, a story from at least a couple of centuries ago. And the Iron Death had been vanquished by a vampire hunter who had...oh.

Who had put her to sleep eternally.

He suddenly felt a drop of sweat on his forehead, but he grunted for good measure:

“Right. Like I’m going to believe that. Where’s your consort, Iron Death? Where’s your cruel prince who tortured for his entertainment?”

“The Hero agency offered him money to look after me if he worked for them”, answered the low voice of the lady. “My poor darling didn’t enjoy the scream of his victims as much as before. He’s changed his hobbies. You do that after a while. But I didn’t. Get out.”

Supervillain ran.

*

Vampire Hero is now a recurring character. His job is to troll current villains. (Yes, I know he technically doesn't appear here, but it still counts.) Check the Vampire Hero Masterlist or Tag for more snippets with him.

#villain and hero #hero villain community #writeblr #writers on tumblr #original fiction #my writing #writing snippet #writing drabble #writing dialogue #creative writing #vampire #vampire hero #heroes and villains #hero and villain #hero x villain #villain x villain #for the record I was genuinely going to make the wife a good person #then I took a long hard look at myself #and wondered if I was really going to pull a “good little wimmins reforming The Man with the pureness of her heart" #no. fuck that actually #have an evil empress #honestly it’s funnier that way #“I don’t understand your weird little hobby of helping people but I love you so I support you <3”

[yavin42]

just finished the second season of black sails and i gotta say i understand why it makes queers go feral

#i’m frothing at the mouth #black sails #i watched the first season yesterday and didn’t really enjoy it much #the pacing is really weird the characterisation was shallow at best and the whole thing stank of game of thrones levels of forced edgyness #but man the second season slapped so hard full 180 turnaround #the flashbacks were expertly crafted all major characters have relatable motives and they pull through ruthlessly #their fatal flaws are right there and like a greek tradgedy it all happens exactly how it must #in revealing it’s nature as a character study of flint and of what broke him so utterly the pacing actually becomes so poignant and perfect #with each new bit of information we’re given we understand his urgency his ruthlessness his unwavering calm hatred #he’s turned himself into a proper fucking monster and it’s tragic because it could only have ever gone this way #there’s no way out and the show being a prequel we know he lives we know he can’t win #actually doomed by the narrative in the worst/best way #but by god i just want his to set the world aflame