#and by that I mean a gaslighting horrible jerk

[drenched-in-sunlight]

I gotta say I did not expect I’d love Miles this much, enough to look up shit like Secret War and Civil War II reading order, and worse, subject myself to Bendis’ writing of all things (he’s the reason why I stopped being a comic stan 5 years ago. I were a DC/ Superfam fan. You know the beef was BEEFING). Like, my tolerance of that dude now only stops at him being one of Miles’ creators. So that better writers can do the kid justice years later. That’s it.

Like, why is the “r u and Ganke together haha” a whole shtick that comes up multiple times during his run? It’s so annoying and painful to read. Miles can go around being paired up with different girls but the moment THAT question came up you know he gonna be super defensive and >:( about it which, eh, just does not line up with anything else happening in whatever story is happening at the time. At all.

The only silver of light is that Miles actually never says he doesn’t like boys, he just denies ever dating Ganke. Like, he could just say he doesn’t swing that way and the question would have stopped, but he doesn’t. So I know he be running around kissing the punk-est boy in the whole spider verse, ha!

Idk I’m near the end of Bendis’ run and some of it r good but a lot of them put me thru excruciating pain (cringe) so I have to complain about it.

Did I mention I were a DC stan 6 years ago? I were a DC stan 6 years ago so this isn’t even my first rodeo with white dudes writing weirdest things in American comic, but I just can’t believe I got dragged into this again because Miles blinks his bambi eyes on screen and makes me want to rotate him in my brain so I need to know the lore of him in every medium, apparently.

#A POST COMPLAINING ABOUT COMIC? ON THIS BLOG?? AFTER 6 YEARS?? #anyway #it’s so insane like I could actually go haha I know this trope i know these fucked up issues numbering I know how to skim through #an entire event I know how to make sense of these reading order like my comic nerd self is not dead it’s still there #this is all Hobie and MiIes’ fault I tell you #terrible terrible #but at least I get to pull out the i actually read the comics card if anyone ever lords over me about drawing fanarts of the movie #ha! #personal #genuinely think miles’ origin in the comic is so fucked up tho Aaron is a real piece of work there #and by that I mean a gaslighting horrible jerk #still dunno what’s worse being chased around by whole ass adults yelling he’s a mistake #or being in a middle of a civil WAR where again grown ass adults fighting OVER him and making his choice for him #wow dat was crazy #but Miles’ current writer is really good and I also enjoy reading him when he’s with the Champions #also b3ndis’ 2016 run is SO WEIRD like there are dialogues that just make you go #“yep a white man wrote this

[shummthechumm]

genuinely horrible how aave has been twisted into either “teen slang” or something absolutely Horrible and Ridiculous and it’s made out like these quirky white people made it when it’s existed for YEARS. it leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. especially when our language becomes a meme and something you say to b funny when this is just everyday speak for a lot of us. the shit with sus and “sticking out your gyatt for the rizzler” or whatever stupid shit makes me go Oh. okay. y’all will just say anything ig

the amount of restraint it takes for me not to physically react to nbs butchering shit they heard online is. immense.

going to a majority non-black campus has given me my fair share of antiblackness through "haha i learned a funny word on tiktok!!! rizzler pookie!!! my deadass is so silly, no cap!!" LIKE SHUT THE HELL UP!!! SILENCIO!!!

even ppl that ive made friends with start doing this (slay, banger, etc etc) and its such an awful jerk to my fucking mood bro. NOT EVEN TO MENTION...ARE YOU TRYING TO TALK TO ME WITH A BLACCENT BECAUSE IM BLACK OR ARE YOU SO DETATCHED FROM THE ORIGINAL MEANING OF THESE WORDS DO YOU GENUINELY NOT KNOW?? SHOULD I SAY SOMETHING AND RISK GETTING SHUT DOWN OR...??

part of me is glad that i went to a black-centric highschool cause idk id rather not be furthered conditioned into uncomfortable silence when a nb mf decides that a random word ive scarcely use even myself becomes their favorite buzzword of the month. it feels like EVERYTHING mooches off of black culture and it manifests through the smallest shit. im so close to blocking ppl atp but what sucks is that even then--a lot of folks genuinely dont know and would likely change their behavior if you just asked. BUT ALSO A LOT OF RACISTS DO IT TO PURPOSEFULLY!!! DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH PARANOIA THAT GIVES ME??

and the words that get butchered are just...some of the most random shit??? like theres too many regional dialects of aave for me to recount but. rizz??? thats the word yall are going to mutilate next??? YALL HAVE KIDS SAYING RIZZ??? "standing on business""??? LIKE THESE ARE WORDS/PHRASES IVE HEARD AND USED BUT NOW MY BRAIN IS GOING TO PERMENANTLY ASSOCIATE THEM AS MEME BUZZWORDS??? "ASF"??? I FEEL LIKE IM IN AN EPISODE OF ATLANTA!!

JUST THE LACK OF RESPECT AND UNDERSTANDING FOR REAL LANGUAGE IS SO SURREAL BECAUSE IVE RARELY HEAR ANY NB SPEAKING THIS WAY UNTIL SUDDENLY IT BLOWS UP ON SOCIAL MEDIA!!!

i dont know any other way to describe it then just the background surrealism episodes of atlanta give off. like the ultimate gaslighting of shit that is obviously off-putting and weird but the majority of niggas doing the harm in the first place either want to convince you its ok or dont realize the effect of their actions. and you dont know which.

#antiblackness mention #aave #ask #coywolves #anyway: me asf #<----(sarcastic intentional butchering) #“that word is aave!!! i had no idea!!” yeah i know. you dont have to play up your guilt most nbs i talk to “didnt know” #and its just like. ik i cant control what ppl do or say but that doesnt make me NOT want to violently slam my head into the nearest table #added the cut cuz i went on a ramble sowwy #dont have much space to vent abt this most of the time #or at least i feel i dont

[darkwitch1999]

@darkwitch1999, I got a question. It’s a little bit of Marinette salt, but what was Noelle and Devin’s worst experience with Marinette/Ladybug?

Well, @princessbutterflysposts. In an alternate reality where Marinette/Ladybug is an even worse bitch than Chloe, Lila, or even the Parisian Mean Girls quartet, I can imagine any one of these scenarios happening that would cause Noelle and Devin to hold a grudge.

Devin Nolan

During the first year of junior high, Marinette almost turned him into a social pariah just because he comes from a wealthy family and she saw him talking to Chloe ONE TIME! Apparently having money and telling Chloe to "fuck off" meant that he was another spoiled rich brat according to Marinette's perspective.

Fortunately, it didn't take long for Devin to convince everyone that he was nothing at all like Chloe. Though Marinette just switched tactics and used his cold, aloof personality as an excuse.

Ignores Devin's intense fear of being touched. She claims that Devin is just being "angsty" and "overdramatic" and doesn't take his phobia seriously.

Whenever Devin shoves her off or hits her whenever she touches him, she plays the victim card, making it seem as if Devin was a jerk despite her being the one clearly in the wrong.

Marinette mocked Devin's psychological fixation on being perfect when she found Devin having a panic attack in an isolated area of the school after he had gotten a 99% on a test. Didn't even stop to consider that as a red flag of psychological trauma/abuse. Again, claiming that he was being "overdramatic".

Ladybug tried to recruit him into becoming a superhero when someone he was close to got akumatized, but when Devin refused because he wasn't interested or comfortable with becoming a superhero, Ladybug had the audacity to call him "selfish".

Devin eventually gave in when Ladybug wouldn't stop pestering/gaslighting him for his help. Jokes on Ladybug, when Devin saw an opportunity to talk the akuma down, he de-transformed right in front of the akuma and revealed himself. He had to endure a harsh lecture from Ladybug about how what he did was "dangerous" and that she could never trust him with a miraculous again.

Devin wasn't even fazed by Ladybug's rant. The whole time she's lecturing him he is all like ("Yeah, don't ask me to do this shit again!").

Noelle Odeja

She's best friends with Lila....need I say more? Well, alright then.

Noelle played a horror-themed practical joke on Marinette on Halloween by putting fake dismembered body parts in her locker. Immediately, Marinette made it seem like she was being "victimized all over again" and compared the prank to the ones that Chloe and Kim played on her last year despite Noelle's joke being tame compared to what those two pulled.

Marinette's "Liars and Cheaters are losers" mentality has made her unsympathetic to Noelle's family problems. Thinking that Noelle's father is a horrible person for having an affair when she doesn't know how abusive Noelle's mother is towards her husband.

Every time Noelle brings up her parents arguing at home again, the first thing that comes out of Marinette's mouth is "What did your Dad do this time?".

The scar near Ronan's eye? "He probably deserved it!" Bitch, the woman blinded him just because he was defending his son from his transphobic mother!

Noelle wore a dress to school on the ONE day a year she wears a skirt or dress (Picture Day) and Marinette won't stop telling her how she looks "better" or "prettier" in dresses and that she should wear them all the time, ignoring the fact that Noelle expressed her distaste for wearing dresses and skirts.

Since Ronan and Gabriel Agreste are old friends and Ronan does photography work for him sometimes, Marinette is always trying to exploit this to her favor by trying to convince Noelle to help her with the "Adrinette" plans. ("Uh, hell no.")

Noelle's brother, Michael, offers free nail paintings to Noelle and her friends. Naturally, Marinette is not on the friends list and thus does not get the privilege of having awesome nail polish art done on her nails like everyone else.

In retaliation, Marinette called in a fake anonymous tip to the police that Michael was in possession of illegal drugs. No surprise that the police didn't find anything but because the studio that Michael worked at knows about his history of substance abuse, he had to pass a drug test to avoid getting fired.

Though Noelle couldn't prove it, something just kept nagging at her that Marinette was responsible for the bogus report.

Ronan had gotten akumatized after having a horrible fight with his wife. Noelle was present when her father got de-akumatized and she had to listen to Ladybug give her father a speech about "forgiveness" and that he should apologize to his wife. Noelle had to summon every ounce of restraint that she had to not punch Paris's "beloved superheroine" in public.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If there was a cult club out there that was all about hating Marinette, I bet that these two would join in a heartbeat.

#miraculous ladybug #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #ao3 writer #original character #marinette salt #mlb marinette #mlb ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #worst experiences #ask answered #ask tumblr #ask anything #mlb ocs #miraculous headcanon #original male character #original female character

[ann3ofabyss4lred]

TW: mental and physical abuse.

I'm not CANCELLING OR OFFENDED beforehand the bitches who thinks that giving ur opinion/criticizing equals cancelling,comment on my post. I'm not cancelling. This is just an opinion

I fucking hate they make Gabe not that abusive and more jerky. It was implied Gabe mentally abusive and even threatened to get physical with Percy (punches). and he beat Sally. Because ppl are going to said.

"Tv Gabe is just jerk and Book Gabe is horrible person". When they are the same character.

It triggers me because I grow up with a paternal figure that mentally abused me, it caused me to lower my self esteem,trauma.

and it's going to revive the comments of ppl who invalidate mental abuse and think Percy had it better than most of the riordanverse characters because he has a good mother (yes. There were ppl who invalidate Gabe's mental abuse because Percy talked back because it's not physical abuse as if Gabe didn't threatened him to do it and probably did)

Which means many ppl who were/are abused victims and me are going to see how ppl invalidate mental abuse in this fandom, again.

But the Percy-Sally-Gabe plot in the TLT book was so refreshing because it shows u, that u are allowed to be angry/mad/hurt and pissed off with ur abuse, that u are in ur right to hurt them back in self defense and never feel bad for it. I love the Rick never went with the "Gabe is being abusive to discipline him" or some shit

maybe I should calm down,there's still episodes left. I hope they show flashbacks of it or sm.

EDITED: SEE?? THIS IS WHY I FUCKING HATE HOW THEY MAKE GABE. SOMEOBE JUST DEFENDED HIM. I HATE IT HERE.

"BUT IT'S DISNEY" SHUT UP. DISNEY HAS SHOWN CINDERELLA GETTING MISTREATED, RIPPED OFF HER DRES SBY HER SIBLINGS. SUDDENLY GASLIGHTING IN RAPUNZEL.AND THEY CAN'T NOT IMPLIED HE HIT HER ?? OR MAKE HIM DRUNK AND THREATENING??.

#pjo tv show #percy jackson #annabeth chase #gabe ugliano #sally jackson #hoo #perseus jackson #Poseidon #poseidon pjo

[alexandersimpleton]

Y'know, I ended up rereading some of the series to make something, and I'm now starting to realize that Blaine is massive d***.

Even if you exclude the gaslighting and beating of Frederick, he's a total jerk to literally everyone. He basically bullies Dandridge (I'm probably spelling that wrong), because he has a crush on a girl. He's really egotistical, and has this holier than thou attitude with almost everyone, including his own family. He is a smug d*** in the worst way possible, and I'm saying that as a proud smug jerk, so you know it's bad. He lectures everyone else, and his inflated ego just makes me angry. I have no idea how I didn't notice this on the first read, but I'm noticing it now, and I'm pissed off that this borderline narcissistic behavior gets encouraged by everyone around him for almost the whole series. You could say that the recital was him comeuppance, but after it he gets comforted by Maria like he isn't a total b****. He's just so vindictive, he has an inflated ego the size of Jupiter, and he treats everyone around him like inferiors.

And again, this is almost completely excluding his relationship with Frederick. His holier than thou attitude is blown up to monstrous proportions whenever he talks with him. He beats Frederick, calls him names, and gaslights him, while still thinking that he's some perfect angel and that Frederick is at fault for everything. He's so hypocritical with Frederick, saying horrible things to his face, and then hitting him for saying something remotely similar about Gwen. He rats Frederick to their father, who he's said himself that he doesn't feel same around, for literally no reason other than spite. He treats his own brother like a god damn cockroach and it's encouraged by the narrative. Considering all that's happening to Frederick over a single insult, I'm franky offended by how Blaine and narcissistic, self centered attitude, not only goes completely unpunished, but gets encouraged. Later in there series, when they reconnect, there is no change whatsoever from Blaine. Sure he starts kinda thinking of Frederick better, but he doesn't try to treat him any better. I mean, he doesn't treat Frederick like a cockroach anymore, but he really doesn't treat him much better. He still talked to Frederick like he's some inferior being that he has to push along. And Frederick is just expected to play along. Frederick did agree to the marriages, but I think I know how Blaine would have reacted if he didn't. Blaine would have forced two LITTERAL CHILDREN to get married and spend the rest of their lives chained together, because he's Blaine, and Blaine is the only important person on the planet and everyone are inferior being looking up to their god in hopes of guidance. "Oh, who cares that they're 17? Let's get married!" "Oh, who cares that Frederick is afraid of Gwen and flinching when she makes sudden movements? Gwen is lovely and Frederick deserves to get beaten and coerced into child marriage by his own family, and this is absolute and right because I am Blaine and I think so and I an always right and Frederick is always wrong because I am a perfect angel sent from heaven and Frederick is just a dog at my heal."

In conclusion: BLAINE IS A FUCKING BITCH

#cursed princess club #cpc blaine #prince blaine #sorry for all the swears #i am just #very passionate about this subject #I'm not upset that Blaine's a jerk #that could just be his character #I'm upset that it's encouraged #Everyone tells Frederick about how much his siblings live him #and tell him that he doesn't deserve siblings like that #and his sibling treat him like a freaking slave #and then Frederick is expected to comform to what they want #with no character development on their part #and nobody even acknowledges that Frederick was completely justified in hating them #or at least Blaine #his attitude with Frederick is disgusting #and nobody even acknowledges it #like it's right #like treating your little brother like garbage is just “goofy character trait” and not disgusting #“haha LOL. Blaine just inderectly coerced a 17 year old child into marrying soneone that he was genuinly unconfortable around!” #“What a goofy sibling dynamic thay have!” #pissed off

[theambitiouswoman]

He’s actually been awful to me after I found out...he was texting me just before she was then she called and he was on the way to see her at that point. I called him on the way and he answers and I’m like what....and he didn’t answer and I was like “you have a girlfriend” and he goes “you had a dating app” then hangs up and blocks me...goes to see her and she shows him all the screen shots and messages then tells me they broke up. I have tried to reach out to him multiple times from a private phone number because I am very hurt, I told the girl that too. He has answered but I don’t know what to say when he’s answered and just hung up...I’m just so hurt. He unblocked me and goes “stop fucking calling, it’s annoying, it’s clearly over move on find someone else” I was pretty mean back I’m not going to lie. I called him broke, how he adds no value to my life, said I bet he has baby mamas, but really wasn’t too emotional with how he’s hurt me, was telling him how I wasn’t calling him but was and he knew it was me....I just can’t believe he would do this. I asked him time and time again what he wanted, how I wanted a relationship and to do things in Miami when I was there but he continued to lie to me, leave me, last time he went through my phone and saw I had a dating app and called me “dirty, and a hoe” ....so yeah I’m very upset and don’t understand him. To me, it’s weird how he’s pushing me away when the girl said they broke up? Like you just wanted me to come...have been talking to me for over a year...yet now you’re saying it’s done now that she found out? It’s weird.

This is horrible!!! He sounds like a bad guy.

You have every right to be hurt.

He might be acting like a jerk on purpose to keep you hooked exactly how you’re feeling now. Which is disgusting but a tactic shitty men use. It unfortunately works very often too.

These people are both toxic and I now I stand by my prior assumptions.

They obviously are not broken up and the girl is probably arguing with him and doesn’t want to deal with you.

Him blaming you for getting caught is very manipulative.

Seems like he only cares about himself.

There’s a few lessons I would like to bring up here and hope you would consider so that this doesn’t happen to you again…

1. Like I said prior a year is a long time. It doesn’t take this long to figure out if you want to date a person or not.

2. It seems like he was bread crumbing / gaslighting you for your attention and affection.

3. Inconsistency is a huge red flag.

4. You brought up a lot of negative traits that to me would honestly be deal breakers. I don’t care how much I like a guy if he has deal breakers. I’ll nip it in the bud.

5. Maybe try figuring out what your deal breakers are. What you want or don’t want in a guy. Set standards for the guys you date and don’t make excuses for red flags!! Ever!!!!!!

6. I promise you, like REALLY PROMISE YOU that if he cared about you, regardless of the other girl or not- when you brought up that he was in a relationship, if he cared about - he would not have reacted that way. He would have either gone quiet and sad and been on top of you more or he would have started apologizing and trying to explain over and over and over and behave like a saint. Men will not risk losing a woman they value.

7. To add to that- a man that cares about you isn’t going to call you those horrible words. Personally I don’t let men curse infront of me, needless to say at me.

8. Ask yourself why you’re choosing these type of men and work on that. You may have a heart of gold with the best intentions but we really attract people who reflect inner parts of us. Then there are people who are just attracted to our light but aren’t ready for it and hurt us.

When someone hurts you, you have the right to stand up for yourself and be upset. Don’t let anyone manipulate you into thinking other wise or try to switch the blame on to you. You literally did nothing wrong. You can’t make a man treat you well no matter how good you are to them. And that’s fine because everyone needs to learn that the way they love is special, and we can’t just give it away to anyone who just tells us pretty words, until they prove themselves worthy of.

Again I’m really sorry! What a disappointment. This is going to be a big learning opportunity for you and in a few months or years you won’t care at all anymore! Promise.

[mrstsung]

I will die on this hill.

Ok ok so i keep seeing people be hating unnecessarily on the new shang tsung. Now he isn't the BEST shang but he's not the WORST either. In fact,he's alright. I like him. The only good thing about mk1/mk12 period. Mostly from god liu kang stans. Im not the one for this bullshit but the reasons they give are absolutely fucking stupid and can be immediately countered with by several points and potholes.

So how dare some of y'all.

For the people who say they dont feel sorry for shang tsung in mk12/mk1.

They (the god/"titans"characters) talk about choices but when it's the one they dont want them to make or have no other choice but to make to make ends meet or survive. Suddenly their the "bad guy" and made the "wrong choice"

Yeah just say you hate shang tsung because he was poor. Just say you're fucking an ableist pos and what you really wanna say.

You say shit about the new shang tsung (mk12/mk1) like you know what that would be like. Foh.

Nah i feel bad for shang. But now more so because he has legitimate reasons to hate the gods. And liu kang.

If you aint kissing boots or playing "nice" or being a "good doggie" suddenly you're the bad guy?

Shang tsung is now tge epitome of a character that if he had a genuine support system. Maybe he could have been nicer. Maybe wouldn't think about even going down a dark path.

You blame it on his past self. But if the new shang was fucked over by the gods. Whos to say he wasn't in other timelines too? If this is supposedly true.

Nah you want someone to blame to put all neatly in a box when it's not so black and white. The actor,alan lee, himself said shang tsung got fucked over by God liu kang in this game,and how could you not feel for shang even a lil bit.

Even if his other self helped fuel that. How could you not feel the same.

Shang has no choice but to steal souls in that timeline. The gods cursed him. Because they were salty. There are darker magics but somehow...shang is the problem? Shao kahn exists. Quan chi exists. But shang is the problem?

Yeah bias reeeeeeeks.

Shang tsung isn't a fucking punching bag. And I'll be damn if someone hates on a character thats supposed to be a "better the devil you know" and "i take no pleasure in this but i have to to survive" type.

Dont hate shang tsung for the shit he had to do. Hate the fucking gods that put him in that situation in the first place without genuine friends and help.

Liu kang had help. Raiden. And he takes that for granted. Never gets called in the narrative for when he does fuck up. But because shang is a "bad guy" suddenly we have to find someone to blame.

When the world of mortal kombat is brutal in the first place. Gaslighting shang tsung wont absolve liu kang for fucking up shit. Nor stop god shang tsung from (rightfully so) hating liu kang.

Shang tsung from mk12/mk1 is actually valid in being pissed. Just because you wouldn't do it. Dont mean that the character shouldn't. Or should be punished for his behavior.

Until you have been at the bottom of the barrel. Treat homeless people with respect and human decency. And know what that's like.

You can piss off with your hatred of this version of shang tsung.

Period.

I dont wanna hear a peep outta shang hatin ass jerks.

My man has done horrible shit in previous version. but holy crap he is so fucking valid this time for being pissed at liu kang this time in mk12/mk1. And i dont blame him.

So liu kang stans kick rocks. (Im not talking about those that actually have a brain. I'm talking about "those" fanboys specifically. Those "well actually *insert fave here* is better because he's swongest bestest guy here and i said so because he's the main guy and* like it's childish. Schoolyard rules. Like i love liu kang but not in this narrative,at all but mostly people who wanna suck his boots so damn bad and ignoring the shit he has done WORSE than dark raiden ever did and leaving shao kahn and quan chi alive....you know...the guys supposedly "worse" than shang tsung?! Ffs man. And it's worse because liu honestly hasn't earned a win past the very first mk game. It's just been handed to him. But especially godhood. I dont feel he's earned a damn thing and the narrative certainly hasn't made me lately feel remotely sorry. More so sorry raiden didn't discipline his bratty ass more. I feel sorry for the raiden enjoyers. Fr.)

Like bottom line. Mk12/mk1 shang tsung is poor,down on his luck,has to resort to lying because he trusts nobody. Has no friends. Has nothing. Has no other way. Even if he was honest. People would find an excuse to hate him for other reasons and excuses. Just admit that you fucking hate shang for no other reason than he's the "antagonist" and because daddy boon warner bros said you should. Go ahead lick those boots clean because there is definitely some bullshit among fans. But more so this pisses me off because the reasons they hate shang is based soley around plot. And because "bad guy" nothing actually fucking valid. Forgetting that shang tsung is just as valid(if not more because he lives under a corrupt regime)

Look i may not always see eye to eye with other shang tsimps. But one thing is for certain i won't tolerate disrespect from people who treat characters who are in the gutter in life like trash. Because i know for a fact they'd treat irl people like that.

"Evil" shang or not there is no excuse to treat him like shit because you didn't like how he did things. Because he wasn't "nice" enough for you.

And dont give me that dumb ass "tArKaT disease" subplot. You know that was horseshit. And is a disservice to mileena. That was plot convenience and you know it.

Same shit with quan chi. Tho i hate his guts,he don't deserve that. Basically treated like a slave. Wtaf nrs?! And people just accept this?! All the villains have been turned into jokes and y'all dont care. Y'all let it slide for some reason.

It's worse because this man is by all technicality an ASIAN MAN. And is othered so damn hard in the narrative it makes me sick. The amount of micro agressions i see in this game is astonishing. Fans dont help that. They just let it happen! Did y'all forget what they did to sub zero n scorpion?! They legitimately cucked hanzo and swapped clans like there isn't a difference between chinese and Japanese cultures?! It's irritating. It's more than irritating. It's infuriating. And downright disrespectful to the character,the VAs,and the fans who genuinely love the game series. New and old alike. If new fans are saying it sucks and they are taking creative liberties. That's not good. If new fans are saying the gameplay is boring and stiff and leaving the servers. Thats bad. When old fans be saying "we told you so" and saying they'd rather deal with mk11's crap despite everything. Yeah. Thats bad!

So if you even remotely call yourself a mortal kombat fan. Dont ever say shang deserves to be treated like he does in my face again! But especially mk12/mk1 shang tsung. Because that version is valid in his spite and deserves revenge. Period!

Vent over 🔥🔪🔥🔪🔥💀

"Baby,sweetie,my beloved sorcerer. You don't deserve this shit. At all"

Legitimately me the whole time seeing all of shang tsung's parts in mk12/mk1 cutscenes (like holy shit)

#mortal kombat #shang tsung #💚heart and soul🐍 #shang tsung mortal kombat #mk12/mk1 #mk1 shang tsung #mk12 shang tsung #ffs guys treat poor people with respect and human fucking decency plz! #i said what i said #personal vent #vent post #look normally i say he gets whats coming to him but not this time honey not this time! #definitely not this time #like mortal kombats world is brutal so how you gonna talk about the “right” or “just” choice?! #also evil and good in mk is done so wrong and black and white and from a western perspective and worldview and it sucks

[martian-garden]

Message to people who have had their boundaries stepped on and smashed and ignored so badly in a way that they finally understood was wrong, and now finally have the power to do something about it in other walks of life:

what happened to you was wrong and your boundaries are real and should be respected

2. Not every negative gut reaction you have is an appropriate boundary, AND I WILL EXPLAIN.

Reasonable people will use the same phrases and communicative language with you that the people who ignored you did at first, and that those people used to gaslight you into making what they were asking of you seem insignificant. The language, tone, and situation is now something you associate with a behavior that harmed you. You will have gut reactions that say "this person is trying to force me to do something I don't want to do" and "they shouldn't ask that kind of thing". But ultimately what you may be having a knee-jerk to is the SITUATION, not the ask. It is a legitimate healing process to get thru that, but it does get easier as you learn how to take steps back and assess what is really being asked of you. But you are still responsible for what you say and do to other people, even if it is a response meant to protect you. If someone does something that feels like overstepping or says something that feels like overstepping, here are some things to ask yourself:

-"what do they want from me with this interaction?" example, a friend tells you "i bought us tickets to a live music show at a small venue! I want you to come!" and the idea of it terrifies you. but did they do this ultimately out of a wish to spend time with you, offer an avenue for you to try something new? It's possible they did it out of ignorance of how afraid you are of these things, or to deliberately make you feel guilty that they bought you something, but you have to sit and think about whether they would do this and what kind of person that would make them.

-"do they genuinely need something?" asking for you to come get them from a relative's house (in the event they cannot get alternative transport) or asking you if you can take them to the store may reflect a genuine need. if you cannot oblige, communicate that, but it is not wrong of them to ask, and usually indicates trust.

-"are they setting or communicating their own boundaries?" Have you asked for something that seems reasonable to you, but they refuse? For example, asking a roommate to be quiet after ten pm every day? If they refuse, that isn't necessarily them ignoring you; they might have a need you don't know about. perhaps a partner or family member in a later time zone they can only talk to late at night, or a shift schedule that means they're most active at night. You can ask clarifying questions, but ultimately, you are not always owed an explanation and you cannot make people do things or not do things. sometimes human have conflicting needs, and that's just the reality. you will have to find a way to make it work.

-"am i afraid?" Sometimes unfamiliarity in general is terrifying, especially for some types of ND folks. However, you cannot impose your idea of safety onto other people's lives. For example, people around you may change their names, pronouns, move to new cities, meet new people they want to introduce you to. You can be afraid, but unfortunately fear and discomfort are, until tangible harm occurs (like actual harm. Passive fear on your part does not constitute harm.) an internal issue.

It sucks to hear this shit, bc you just got to a point where you have realized that all of the horrible things that have been happening to you aren't your fault. And correct: the feelings that happen to you are not your fault! But they aren't always the people around you's fault either, and they are your responsibility. Putting them onto other people is doing both yourself and them a disservice.

I wish you strength and dignity in your healing.

#rsd #boundaries #neurodivergent #mental health #boost if you want

[cielospeaks]

b8 thoughts

honestly b8 is by far the least ive liked a book plot at its opening. like 7 had cool music and an interesting time loop premise, 6 had awesome elm theme (that is elms theme you cowards) and elm himself ofc, 5 was kinda meh (first impression-wise, i do like otr and faf quite a bit) but it had a cool pipe organ, 4 was an absolute breath of fresh air after the travesty that was 3, and at least 3 seemed to promise a "the gacha characters kill you" premise and before then the main cast werent the despicable unlikeable shitheads they are today.

b8, on the other hand, has a somewhat interesting premise and nice designs for hresvelgr and niddhoggr, but it also opens up so many plotholes. if the yggdrassil group really is like a group of valkyrie esque battle medics, where were they when people were being burned alive in b2? where were they when frejya was trapping people in eternal sleep in b4? or eitri experimenting on people, letizia torturing people, the whole golden curse last book, heck you could even argue for gustafs death in b3. the game never lets the main cast be morally accountable for bad stuff they do, ranging from stalking, possessiveness and controlling/gaslighting, to murder, covering up the suffering of innocents, torture, etc. and even with just the explicitly stated stuff its still her betraying her family for an arrogant, posturing, show off jerk who makes insensitive comments abt any culture he isnt familiar with. like at least w reginn i got the feeling that she did what she did bc she is naieve and inexperienced. and with the "uwu anxiety cute" beats of the new character i just feel like theyre going for "the main lord is her comfort character uwu" which just rubs me the wrong way. for one in universe theyre all real horrible people, and for two i just think its a bit demeaning for actual people.

on top of that, while not bad the music i dont find personally quite as striking as b6 and 7 (or even 4), and although i do like hresvelgr and nidhoggr, theyre not like uh.... plumie, njorthr or elm tier of getting my attention and investment. (and also the banners have both been terribly disappointing so far. another kid banner from 13 and a 5 banner with no real faves, could be a lot better)

but while this might sound complaining, which it is, i think it might actually be a good thing. if i go in with no expectation, any decent surprise could be a good one. i also dont risk getting invested, wanting a better plot than is canon (i think the worst offenders were askr getting away with all the awful manipulation he did, just the entire frejya plot of b4, the jotnar sisters and reginn just disowning her brothers in b5 and just whatever tf eitri was, the sadboi motivation of the antagonist of b7 most recently, and thats not even counting temptri), or getting upset if a character isnt playable. (that being said ill be slightly miffed if we dont get a cute hresvelgr and/or nidhoggr for new years, or just their defaults in general, they have good designs)

also also it means i can focus on the better yggdrassil story, my detective-esque fanfiction about a compulsive liar actor and a bunch of cool and cute original characters

#tldr worldtree conspiracy is gonna be baller. if i ever get around to writing/finishing it #they heard me say that i wanted to focus on wc and were just like no prob fam we got u -makes the story and banners horrible- #on the flip side i got everyone i remotely wanted from the new years so thats uh. ok? i guess #gameblogging

[doyoulike-whatyousee]

Why does he not give a shit about his actions? He never apologizes for the things he does without me kindly explaining to him why his behaviour is hurting me for hours while he screams at me and calls me a jerk and abusive. Hun you’re the one screaming at me and gaslighting me because I asked you to do the dishes you agreed to do, how am I the abusive one in this situation?

He refuses to believe any of his behaviour is his fault and he just blames everyone else for making him react that way but when I act how he does he says I need to control myself and take responsibility how about you take your own goddamn advice

And when I’m upset he just say “I didn’t mean to make you upset” or “idk why you’re upset” and tells his friends that I’m pissy for no reason. Dude I’m sobbing on the floor because you yelled at me and called me a horrible person for moving your vape it’s not for no reason. He never understands why I’m upset. Or he pretends to not know

[sailorhyunjinz]

𝕴𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝕷𝖔𝖘𝖙 𝕾𝖔𝖚𝖑𝖘 𝐈

© 2021 SailorHyunjinz ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 

Pairing; Bartender!Changbin x Fem!reader (she/her pronouns)

Warning ; ANGST!! SMUT!! skz side characters, semi-slow burn, hurt/comfort, strangers to lovers, depiction of mental disorders, consumption of alcohol, under the influence, self hatred, complicated family relationships, depersonalisation/derealisation, depression, alternative universe, implications of su-cide, semi su-cide attempt, su-cidal!reader, mentions of bl-od and injury, mentions of k-dnapping and murder, alcoholism, mentions of selfh-rm, mentions of knifes, gaslighting, smoking, mentions of weapons, mentions of pregnancies, a bunch of crying, fainting, toxic masculinity. 

𝘕𝘚𝘍𝘞 ; piv, protected sex (use of condom), missionary, dry humping, nicknames, sex in semi-public place, fingering, corruption kink if you squint, orgasm (m/f), cum,,,, other then that it’s kinda vanilla. 

𝘞𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘊𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 ; 14.3 k 

O N E ｜ T W O 

From one survivor to another; cheers you guys. 

                         ⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ Playlist ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

[FEEL SOMETHING DIFFERENT - Bea Miller, Aminè]

[Multi-Love - Unknown Mortal Orchestra]

[Beach Baby - Bon Iver]

[High Enough - K.Flay]

[Dope Lovers - DPR IAN]

[Make Out in My Car ; Sufjan Stevens Version - Sufjan Stevens]

[I Feel it Coming ; The weekend, Daft Punk]

[Space Song ; Beach House] (ah the loml and the album is called depression cherry so it makes me happy) 

𝘊𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥.

𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘰𝘧 18.

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈 ; 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐲

“Let me out!! LET ME OUT!”

You cry out, banging on the heavy wooden door until your knuckles bruise, red marks leaving their traces on your soft skin. The only lightsource is the tiny cell window, sun shining brightly and illuminating thousands of dust specks, floating around you like your lost hopes. The grey cement walls got closer and closer, seconds ticking in your head like a clock. 

This is it.

This is how you die. 

Crushed to death like a bug, your ambitions never getting their chance to prove themselves. All that you ever wanted to achieve was an impossibility as you were slowly but surely pressed together in the ever shrinking room. 

Salty tears roll down your cheek, a feeling of hopelessness washing over you as you turn your back against the door, sliding down to your feet, banging the back of your head lightly against the entrance.

You feel the rough walls hitting both sides of your forearms, a last ear deafening scream leaving your parted lips.

Until you woke up. 

With a series of jerking motions you sit up, panting like you just ran a marathon, the pounding of your heart audible to you. Darkness swallowed you as the night progressed, you considering yourself lucky to find yourself in your comfortable bed, still in your room. 

Only after minutes do you notice your wet cheeks, the tears not being limited to your dream world. You blink, your coated eyelashes weighing heavy on your eyelids as you wipe tears with the back of your hand. The shock from your dream didn’t reside, you now being too afraid to fall back on your plushy pillow, fearful of what horrible dreams awaited you on the other side. 

You grab your phone from the nightstand, immediately being hit with a bright light causing you to squint and turn away momentarily. 

[Search: being crushed dream meaning]

Multiple articles from all sorts of sketchy websites popped up, you clicking on the first one. 

“Stress or emotionally overwhelmed” 

You laugh lazily, the dream making sense as you feel yourself slipping back into a peaceful slumber, phone still in hand as the muscles in your face relax, jaw opening, your dream world once again inviting you for a dance. 

The sun woke you up with it’s radiant rays shining in your face, the closed blinds barely able to withstand them. Your phone was lying on the floor face down, you must have dropped it while sleeping you thought before rubbing your eyes from any dirt and staring up at the ceiling. 

Another day

Another day that I’m here.

You wish you could pull the covers over your head, get lost in your own mind and never deal with the outside world ever again. But you had to. 

You picked up your phone from the dusty floor that hadn’t been cleaned for weeks, you simply didn’t have the motivation to do it. The bright phone screen awaked you, you blinked your eyes a couple of times to see clearer. 

[3 Missed Calls - Mom]

You couldn’t be bothered to call her back. She was only gonna nag at you for not calling back earlier, wondering what you’ve been up to now that you’ve been fired from your job as a receptionist at the local hotel. What were you gonna say? Drinking too much booze and crying yourself to sleep every night? You couldn’t, that would only hurt her. 

Ignorance is bliss, as they say.

You got up, legs wobbling as you stumbled to the bathroom, head pounding from the amount of alcohol you consumed the night prior. Not with friends but alone, in your living room, in the one room apartment you no longer could afford. 

Ice cold water splashed onto your sweaty face, that being the only hygiene you could muster today. You turned the tap off, grabbing a towel and wiping your face and looking deep into your own eyes. 

That’s not me.

That’s not me looking back. 

You poked your tongue out, hoping the figure in the mirror wouldn’t move and you could confirm your thoughts but alas the figure followed you. You felt crazy, it was as if you’ve died a long time ago but still saw everything that happened. You could stick your hand through a wall and it would disappear you thought, nothing was real. Not even you. 

You entered your mess of a living room, seeing the wreck from yesterday night. Countless green glass bottles scattered on the table in front of the tv that was your only escape from reality. Blankets and pillows were thrown across the floor along with a box of tissues, your emotions bubbling up to the surface too often resulting in you crying and shaking on the floor, a feeling of fear washing over you late at night. 

You felt alone.

But you weren’t.

Fuck, why were you so ungrateful? You had everything. A roof over your head, a family that loves you, friends, food on the table. Yet, even this couldn’t satisfy you. You blamed yourself for everything. 

For your work firing you.

For your parents divorcing.

For your own pathetic life.

You shook your head as if you were shaking the negative thoughts out of your head, instead grabbing a couple of the empty bottles that were reeking with the scent of liquor and placing them on the kitchen counter. ‘Cleaning up’ in your eyes.

With a thump your back landed against the couch that swallowed you, engulfing you in a comforting embrace you got from no other person or object. This was your safe space you thought but not even your couch could save you from your intrusive reasonings. With a light click on the remote the tv screen lit up, your eyes still not used to the brightness since you’re always cooped up in your apartment where the blinds were always closed, another barrier between you and reality. 

Nature documentaries, your favorite.

The calming male voice of the narrator being the only one you talked to during your lonely days. The animals could make you forget. They lived so freely, moving wherever they wanted without a care in the world, either swimming, hopping or flying. You wish you were born as another animal than human. 

“The 52-hertz whale travels an astonishing 70 km a day but it’s voyage doesn’t bring social interactions. This whale is the loneliest whale in the world. It’s the only whale that is capable of emitting a whale call at such frequency, no other individuals communicating with the poor creature.”

You sat up in curiosity. It was a scream for help you thought. The whale needed help, it needed someone or something.

Just like you. 

You sighed, watching the lonely whale on your tv screen, seeing it’s gracious movements despite its size. It did look lonely in that deep dark sea, wondering how it would be to fall into the abyss of water, swallowing you whole and erasing the life that once sparked your soul. 

This was where you spent your entire days. The clock on the wall is ticking but the digits it displayed are oblivious to you. What did it matter if it was 5 pm or 1 am? You were still not gonna budge from your comforting seat on the couch. Drinking your feelings away no matter what time in the day. 

This was you. 

This was who you had become.

The sun started to set on the horizon, a delicate shade of light purple descending over it, covering the end of the world like the way a canopy covers the softness of a bed. You sigh, diverting your focus back on the tv screen after momentarily observing the life outside your window. Yet again, nature documentaries accompanied by the soft male voice, narrating every movement of the colibri that fluttered it’s wings at the speed of light on your screen in vivid colors. 

You got that look in your eyes. That look of amazement which you now only had when looking at the beautiful colors of a exotic bird. You moved closer to the tv screen in the now dark living room, the sun setting at a fast pace. It reminded you of the many times your mom shouted at you to not sit so close to the screen, scaring you by saying that you’d get rectangular eyes. 

Your childhood.

The only time you felt ease. 

The only time your family was as one. 

“y/n, what does your heart look like?” the therapist asked, scribbling mindlessly on a notepad.

“it’s a muscle that pumps blo-” you started but were quickly cut off. 

“no, I mean what does your heart look like, how does it feel?”

You sighed, looking down at the grey marbled floor, your legs shaking in nervousness. You hesitated before speaking, scrambling in your mind to say something sensible before the words came pouring out of you.

“i-it looks like a house. A dark, empty house,,, but it’s comforting.”

Once again you heard the sound of a pencil writing incoherent sentences. Curious as to know what secrets were on that piece of A5-paper.  

“is there anyone in the house with you?” the therapist inquired. 

You shook your head before speaking. 

“I don’t want to let anyone in, this is my safe space” you say, almost setting up an emotional barrier, not wanting to answer further questions. 

The person sitting across from you hummed as you stared out the window behind them, the green ivy bushes already grown tall enough to cover half of the grimy window. 

“is the house empty?” they asked to which you shook your head once again, avoiding the glassy-eyed stare of the therapist. 

“no,,, there are dusty furniture covered in white cloths and-,,, and family photos in the drawers.” 

“is it your family?” 

You shook your head in disagreement.

“How did you end up here?” 

You thought for a second, puffing out your cheeks, a habit of yours. You searched for a reason but not finding any. 

“I just,,, was here one day.”

“The sun never shines here.” you added after a solid 30 seconds of silence. 

You were stuck in that house.

The house that was once filled with happy memories of another family, you simply a ghost that was now trying to fit the broken pieces together, wanting desperately to see them smiling again. 

Tears started forming in your eyes, a shiny gloss over your orbs. 

But you never cried.

Not in front of others. 

You thought often about that visit. Why your heart was an desolate house and why the words spilled out of you like a poisonous liquid.

You closed your eyes, the bright colors fluttering behind your eyelids as the comforting sounds of the woods blasted from the tv. 

You wish you could be somewhere else. 

Anywhere but here. 

A single tear rolled down your cheek as a smile creeped up on your face, your butt against the floor as your knees were underneath your chin, your entire figure curled up into a small ball. 

You sighed as your eyes fluttered open again. You were still here, in your apartment that smelled like nothing but alcohol and disappointment. 

Firmly planting both your hands on the wooden floor you heaved yourself up with the intention of getting more tissues, the blue colored tissue box on the floor being as empty as others expectations of you. 

But as you stood up the entire room started spinning, small specks of rainbow flashing by your eyes. You thought you stood up to quickly grabbing onto the wall for a second before collapsing against it, your entire body shaking. You cried louder, thinking you were about to pass out. Your hair stuck to your tear stained cheek as your puffy eyes closed once again. 

What was happening?

The rain hit your unconscious body, your knees scraped from the concrete you lied on. You were soaked from head to toe, lying with your cheek against the ground in a puddle of rain. You woke up from your head pounding, your bloody knees only gaining your attention after you’ve looked around in a confused daze.

It was empty. An alleyway in the dark night. You found yourself panicked, anxiety bubbling inside of you. That’s when you saw it. A single street light above a red phone booth. You tried to stand up but fell over again as your legs could barely hold you up, now scraping your elbow against the gritty ground. 

Crying out, you started shouting for help. 

“HELP!! SOMEBODY HELP!” 

You screamed at the top of your lungs, voice cracking as your tears started to look identical to the rain that was pouring over your cold, helpless body. Nobody came, your voice only echoing against the wall that the phone booth stood near to. 

You got on all fours, crawling towards the light as pure pain shot through your body, small pebbles jabbing into the open wounds on your knees. You needed shield from the rain. Desperate huffs and groans escaping your parted lips as you dragged yourself through small puddles, the phonebooth seemingly getting further and further away from you. Looking through the soaked curtains that was your hair you were determined, this was life or death you thought as you continued to shout out for help, it appeared to be useless since the only other sound besides your own voice was the rain hitting the ground. 

Shivering hands grabbed onto the corner of the crimson red phonebooth, the streetlight illuminating your teary eyes. You held onto that frigid and wet piece of metal as if you were holding onto a treasure. 

As if you won a race.

As if you pleased your parents.

You looked up, dragging the inner side of your leg against the concrete, your pyjama pants wet to the bone. Desperately you got yourself together, your arms shaking as the rough pads of your hands met the ground, pushing yourself up into a standing position. You hissed at the pain in your knees as you grabbed onto the metal handle that opened the phonebooth, stepping inside.

The inside was surprisingly warm, as if someone had been there moments prior. A ripped piece of paper was taped on the glass pane to the right of the payphone, something that seemed like a phone number but could impossibly be since it wasn’t a full number. 

[1800-xxx]

You looked at the payphone and then back at the washed out paper, the edges of the note curling and stained with yellow. Only when you looked back at the phone again did you notice the keypad. To your surprise there was an “x” button. Your head felt heavy, deciding to lean it against the other side of the stuffy phone booth, your hot breath creating steam on the glass.

You wanted to wake up from this nightmare. 

Your entire body ached, let alone the blood that was dripping down your leg. The rusty payphone connected to the actual phone, a black handle connected to the underside of the machinery by a coiled metal rope. You picked up the phone, putting it against your ear and groaned when you remembered that you needed coins in order for the payphone to work

[0.5 gold/minute] 

You rubbed your eyes. Gold? You sighed loudly, your knees barely being able to hold your weary body any longer. Hesitant fingers pressed the number that was jot down on the lined note, pressing each key accordingly. You pressed the last x before you pressed the “call” button, not expecting anything to happen. 

But after a few seconds a female automated voice spoke to you. 

“Thank you for calling. This place only appears to the suffering. If you are receiving this call, congratulations! Your prayers have been answered. Drink the liquid in the paper cup above this payphone. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid.”

The voice lagged, a static sound accompanying the automated voice. Your breath got shaky as you looked around, holding the phone close to your ear with both hands. This could only be some sort of kidnapping scheme or this was a sick dream. 

“It’s a dream, y/n. Calm down, nothing's gonna hurt you.”

You muttered to yourself, pinching your forearm tightly and wincing from pain. This wasn’t a dream after all. 

Your gaze landed on the brown paper cup that was balancing delicately on top of the payphone, your cracking knuckles reaching for it as you let the phone fall out of your grasp, being caught mere inches from the sticky floor of the photobooth by the coil. Bringing the cup closer to your face you saw a dark viscous liquid that smelled sweet enough to sting your nose. Your face contorted into disgust, debating on whether not to drink the contents of the paper cup. 

“Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid.”

The voice continued ringing in your ears. You had nothing to lose. If you died then you at least got what you wanted. Holding your breath, you brought the cup closer to your quivering lips, parting them slightly as you held your nose tightly, not wanting to feel whatever horrible taste could be found in that dark pit of goo. 

It burned the moment it hit the delicate taste buds on your tongue, your voice muffled as the fluid descended down your throat, your larynx bobbing up and down with each gulp. Despite covering your nose you could taste the pungent sweetness, it tasted like pure acid. Not that you knew what that tasted like but what you assumed it would. 

You coughed, accidentally spilling some of the goo on the floor, dribbling out of your mouth. The heavy rain pitter-pattered against the metal roof above your head, your eyelids threatening to shut. The cup fell out of your hand as you slammed your forehead against the payphone, not hard enough to bleed but hard enough to bruise. Your jawbone hurt from how much you’d been crying, eyes puffy as the salty tears mixed with the rain droplets on your face.

“i-i’m sorry mom, i’m so fucking sorry.”

You rolled your forehead left to right against the rusty material of the payphone, your soaked hair covering your empty eyes. Your knees bent under you causing you to fall on your butt with your knees clinking against each other, the sticky contents on the floor sticking to the soft fabric of your pants. 

“I’M SO SORRY!”

You never thought a scream this loud could protrude its way out of your throat, the vibrations bouncing off the glass that to your surprise didn’t break. Everything started to become shades darker, almost as if a black and white filter settled over your vision. 

No, this is how you’re gonna die.

Alone.

In the rain. 

“Hyung, what are you gonna do with her?”

Muffled club music struck your ear along with a high pitched ringing, your eyelids felt as heavy as they’d been in the phonebooth. With your head pounding you slowly open your eyes, first not seeing anything but darkness before eight unknown men form a circle around you, hovering above you. 

You shoot up from your lying position, fear overtaking your body. Where were you but more importantly why the fuck were you alone in a dark room with 8 young men? Not thinking straight, you decided to scream once again, thinking they would back off and let you be.

“Get away from me!!”

The males covered their ears, groaning in pain and a blonde boy throwing himself on the floor, rolling around. 

“HEY!! HEY! WE’RE NOT GONNA HURT YOU!”

A strong voice overpowered yours, every word almost sounding like a grunt. You around, seeing that you were sitting on a soft leather couch before looking up at the male that was standing right infront of you. He was muscular, his biceps sitting snugly in the tight black t-shirt that covered him, a grey apron tied around his waist and his dark hair shielding his intense gaze and furrowed eyebrows. He had a jaw so sharp you could cut silence with it but silence was the last thing this room had. The boys were shouting at each other, trying to hush the others while screaming themselves. 

“SHUT UP!!”

The room got quiet as the muscular guy roared, the seven other individuals coming to a halt. You looked at them all with a puzzled expression, all of them handsome, a fact you couldn’t deny. 

“Where the fuck am I, who are you guys and p-please don’t kill me”

Your voice cracked at the end of your sentence as your eyes twinkled, tears teasing the corners of your eyes, fingers shaking in fear. The male closest to you sat down, the weight of the couch shifting. He rubbed his hand together before he started speaking in a calmer voice.

“I’m Changbin, bartender of the Lost Souls nightclub. That’s Chan, security guard.”

With his chin, he pointed at a guy in ripped black jeans with a white t-shirt, a sweatband across his forehead, pushing his slightly curly hair back. He didn’t look like a security guard, the only thing that might have pointed to that was the walkie-talkie hanging from his belt. You nodded before Changbin continued.

“And those are some friends, frequent visitors if you will.”

A light haired boy with shiny rhinestones under his eyes stepped forward after he’d been hugging the tallest guy in the room the entire time. 

“u-uhm, the name’s Felix! This is Hyunjin, Seungmin, Jeongin, Jisung and Minho, and yeah those two, Chan and Changbin.”

He pointed at each guy respectively and the room filled with small “hi’s” and smiles. They didn’t look threatening, all of them being very timid and looking down at the ground. Your gaze diverted back to Changbin that was staring at you the entire time.

“Can somebody tell me where I am?”

Changbin cleared his throat, stomping his boot a couple of times. 

“This is gonna sound,,, interesting but you have to believe me-”

You interrupted the muscular boy, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, noticing that it had dried. 

“Why should I believe you? We’ve just met?”

Changbin sighed. 

“Just,,, hear me out”. You nodded before he continued.

“You answered a phone call right?”

Nodding once again your gaze drifted towards the other boys that were looking at Changbin with googly eyes.

“Well,,, this place only appears to those who are,,, struggling with themselves. Obviously you don’t have to tell us why you’re here but,,, this is a place to let go. The only rule here is no fighting”

“Or dancing on the tables” the tall blonde boy added with a snark causing a squirrel-like boy to giggle, playfully hitting the blonde before looking at Chan who glared back at him, the boy being flustered and turning serious again. Jisung, his name was. 

“W-what did that phonebooth do,,, does everyone go through that?” you asked with a curious tone.

“Usually it’s a pleasant experience going in that phonebooth, the sun shining and people hanging around that alleyway before taking the phonecall and drinking the elixir,,, there must have been a glitch in the system.”

He sounded unsure, scratching the back of his head as he looked at all of the boys. 

“System? What system? I’m dreaming, right?” you said in panic, wanting to get out of this oddly suffocating room. 

“W-we are real and you’re not dreaming,,, it’s just that, we can’t meet in real life you know? This is a place to,,, let oneself go and I know it’s scary since you only get here randomly, it must have been hard passing out like that,,”

A boy with fluffy light brown hair and a pretty eye smile said, Seungmin! You remembered his name because you thought it fitted him, sounding both soft and sharp at the same time. 

“y-yeah,,, it was scary b-but thank you for caring about me” you said with a half smile

“oh! and also, we treated all your wounds, luckily you were passed out so you couldn’t feel the pain but let me tell you,,, it looked awful, I don’t understand how you did that Chan” Jisung remarked with wide eyes, looking at you concerned before turning to Chan.

“Did what?” you inquired to which Jisung responded.

“Removing the pebbles in your wounds, h-how did you even get those in there?” he asked to which you tried to remember, seeing hazed memories of you crawling on the asphalt in the storming rain.

“I was crawling towards the phone booth'' you said quietly as the boys gazed at you with concern. The atmosphere got dusked and in an attempt to lift the mood you cleared your throat, lightly running your hands over the bandaids that were plastered on your scraped knees, wincing from the contact. 

Changbin made eye contact with Chan, jerking his head towards the door to signal for him and the other boys to leave the room. Chan nodded and patted Jeongin on the shoulder, trying to scoot all the boys out of the room like a shepherd leading a bunch of silent sheep.

“Let’s have some fun! Drinks on me boys~” Chan exclaimed to get the boys off their worried thoughts about you, the curly haired male closed the door quietly and both you and Changbin stayed silent until the footsteps were faint on the other side of the black wooden door. 

“Is this better?” Changbin said with a slight smile at the end. “They can be quite the bunch sometimes, either they’re very much off the deep end or they’re just a rowdy mess” he laughs, looking out in the distance before he looks at you with your knees under your chin, holding your legs close to your body.

“So,,, we’re all here for similar reasons?” you mumbled, holding your gaze stable on his dark eyes.

“yeah,,, pretty much. We’ve all dealt with something mentally draining and of course you don’t have to tell but I just want you to know that nothing will hurt you here.” Changbin replied. 

“I do want to tell,,, but it’s just that I don’t want to be alone about it. I’ve never been around people that have shared the same experiences.”

Changbin slid closer to you on the couch, putting one leg over the other. 

“It’s like that for,,, almost every single individual in the club, we all want to tell our stories and this is the place to do it. No one is gonna judge you for it. I remember thinking that when I first got here, ‘everyone is gonna judge me for not drinking’.”

Changbin’s last sentence caught your attention.

“but aren’t you the bartender? shouldn’t you know all the,,, liquors and such?”

Changbin sighed and you regretted you sentence, thinking that maybe you asked a too personal question. 

“I do know them but not in the way one should.” 

Something clicked in your head when the boy uttered those words. You nodded silently, letting your gaze fall to your wounded knees as your shaky voice spoke;

“So do I” 

Changbin’s gaze was fixated on the floor as he shared what was on his mind. 

“But no one judged me,,, eh,,, I never asked for your name!” the boy said to which you giggled, reassuring Changbin that you were in a stable state.

“It’s y/n, nice to meet you!” you said, stretching your hand forward to shake his. Changbin smiled towards your gesture.

“pretty name, angel” he said, shaking your hand and noticing how small it was in his grasp, the cold metal of his rings contrasting to your now warm hands. He didn’t let go immediately, instead holding your hand and feeling it’s warm temperature, running his thumb across your knuckles softly. You snarked at his comment.

“angel? didn’t know we had established pet names for each other in barely 10 minutes of meeting.” 

“and I didn’t know angels landed in this place” he said back. “i’ve had to deal with 7 annoying boys that never listen to me,,, well, 8 but one of them,,, disappeared.”

You nodded, not wanting to overstep any boundaries by asking about that 8th guy incase it was an emotional topic. 

“how is it? working with alcohol despite having quite a rocky relationship to it?”

The buff boy hummed, drumming his fingers on the seat next to him. 

“It’s better than one might think. I get to be around it without engaging in the activity myself, simply serving clients and the boys  already know it, we look out for each other. Like a family you know!” Changbin said with a happy tone, not wanting the conversation to get you in a bad mood after all you’ve been through that night.

“family,,, could use one of those” you joked and Changbin actually laughed which you’ve never felt with anyone before, the only response you usually got was your therapist writing down your self deprecating jokes with their orange lead pencil.

“you’re always welcome to us” he said, letting go of your hand that now felt empty. You felt safe. There was no way of describing it but you felt this caring aura around this man, drawing you closer to him. 

“how long does this last? i’m guessing you go back to ‘the real world’ again at some point” you spoke, making quotation marks with your hands.

“it depends, it’s different every time but you will pass out just like you did when you got here but you won’t go back to the phone booth, you’ll wake up where you were last in real life. Time goes on in the real world but here,,, clocks don’t really work. We’ve tried bringing clocks or phones with us but the digits don’t change.”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. This had to be a dream. 

“w-whats with the gold on the phone? Does money exist in this,,, universe?” you asked with confusion to which Changbin shook his head.

“no, drinks are free and so are the phone calls, i have no idea why the phone booth says that or why Chan said that drinks are on him, he must have been stressed trying to get the boys out of here” Changbin said to which you giggled.

“i-is there any time where you never return?” you asked, earning a bittersweet smile from the male.

“yeah,,, if those issues you have get resolved but,, that rarely happens. Destructive behaviours feed of each other. Get rid of one and it gets replaced with another.”

You recognised that. It was always something, you could never live in peace without feeling the need to self sabotage. 

“Poor innie knows that too well” he added with an acerbic tone. 

“innie?” you tilted your head in question, gazing around the dark room that was rather empty, only a couple of dark colored shelves on the wall and the couch you were sitting on along with the ceiling lamp that was stingy with it’s light.

“Jeongin, the youngest among us. Poor boy has been through it all, if it’s not drugs it’s self harm and Minho is a real dick sometimes, bringing pocket knives in “defense”. He’s delusional, thinking everyone is out to get him and Jeongin knows this. We’ve found our precious little boy in the bathroom too many times, holding those stupid knifes Minho keeps having on him and crying till his cheeks puff up.”

You took a mental note to keep your distance from Minho, feeling bad for Changbin that had to be amidst this mess while dealing with his own emotions. You could relate, being the emotional pillar between your parents that hated each other to the brink of physical violence. There’s always someone that has to suffer because of other people's problems. 

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Changbin.” you managed to stutter out, not knowing what else to add to the conversation.

“Ah,,, don’t be, y/n! Just take good care of yourself, that’s what matters the most to me” Changbin said. You smiled, moving closer and hovered your hand above his shoulder.

“Can I?” you asked quietly to which Changbin nodded and moments later felt your warm hand patting his back. He felt listened to. Understood. And even though he was yet to tell you his entire life story he knew that you were different from the others. You actually cared about him. 

The room started spinning again and you clutched onto Changbin’s black t-shirt, trying to stabilize yourself. Those rainbow colored speckles you had seen earlier appeared again, vision blurring right in front of your eyes. 

“y/n? how are you?” Changbin’s voice was worried but he knew what was happening. 

“it’s spinning again, I t-think I’m gonna pass,,, out” you muttered, 

“It’s alright y/n, I’m here yeah?” His rough voice distinguished itself from his comforting words as you held onto the dark haired boy, a faint smell of tobacco interlacing with the air you breathed in through your nose. Your two arms were now wrapped around the male with your face against his broad shoulder, eyes shutting as tightly as they could, face contorting into fear until everything disappeared. The vague beats of the music. The pain that ached from your knees. The feeling of finally finding home in someone's arms. 

Everything turned into nothing in Changbin’s embrace. You were slowly turning into his everything because he had nothing in his life. 

And then you woke up. 

You gasped for air as you woke up in panic, hunching over on the floor in a coughing fit, clawing at your neck for oxygen. Panting on the floor you put your forehead against the wooden laminated floorboards, your frizzy hair blocking out the little light that was in the apartment and being hit with the malodorous smell of distilled alcohol. 

What was that?

You were convinced that it was some kind of wicked dream. An escape from reality even. But as Changbin said, you did wake up in the exact same place and position you passed out in. A long breath seized through your lungs as you shifted in your position on the floor. 

“Son of a bitch!” 

Tears prickled the corners of your eyes as the hard floor hit your wounded knees. You quickly sat down on your butt, lifting your knees up to your chin and only then did your heart drop.

It wasn’t a dream. Your eyes lingered on the bandaids that were placed with the utmost care across your both knees, a stain of dark brown blood seeping through the sticky elastic material and dried blood staining your knees in a haphazard attempt of somebody trying to wipe it off without hurting you. You managed to grab the edge of the sofa, levering yourself up with, testing out the strength left in your wobbly legs. Your phone lit up, sitting on the place you’re usually curled up in. Throwing yourself on the soft piece of furniture you observed the phone screen, lost eyes wandering mindlessly over the brightly lit display. 

What you noticed wasn’t the worried text from your mother.

It was the fact that the digits hadn’t changed from when you passed out. 

Your head snapped towards the tv screen and the phone fell from your hand when you stared at the screen, breath trembling.

The same documentary. The same colibri. 

This couldn’t be. Surely you hadn’t just stopped time,,, right? This was not something Changbin warned you about. How long until you meet Changbin again? An hour,,, or ever? 

There was nothing else you could do besides wait. Wait until the next time you pass out. And what better way to make time pass but to be confronted by your mother? You pulled up the text on your phone and read it hastily before scoffing.

[Are you eating well? Please call if you see this]

Since when did she care about you? You knew that she did care. Somewhere deep inside her motherly heart she did care but the way she displayed that so-called ‘affection’ didn’t make it obvious. You tried to justify every word, believing all the lies she fed you. You tried so hard to believe that you were healthy, that your mental health wasn’t deteriorating before the eyes of your very own mother that was refusing to see the truth. That her child was indeed in pain. You couldn’t blame her, it was her way of dealing with the issue but it didn’t make it easier for you. Your thumbs hovered above the keyboard, you couldn't think of anything better to write and quickly typed it down before you hit send.

[yes, i’m busy]

Busy contemplating your existence. Your father wasn’t exactly any better. Throwing out each one of your family members until there was only him left. He had no trouble filling that emptiness, simply creating a new family and forgetting you as if you were a chapter of the book called ‘previous life’. You didn’t mind, not after everything he did to you and your mother. There was no need for a person like that in your life but unfortunately it influenced you more than you thought, always seeking validation in either work or relationships because how could you validate yourself after your self esteem had been crushed by this tyrant?

You threw your phone on the table, a clink noise being heard as it hit a bottle, knocking it over but not breaking it. Your parental issues or mental health was for once not the biggest concern in your life, now instead wanting to search for the answers that could explain the nightclub. How did it exist? What caused it to exist and who was behind it? You needed to get back there somehow. 

The tv had turned off by itself, you found yourself waking up on the couch, using a pillow as a blanket, hugging the warm material closer to your body as you whined. With confused and lost eyes you scanned the room for a clock, hitting the table a couple of times and finally getting your hands on your phone, bringing it closer to your eyes. 

[3:02 am] the digits lit up. You rubbed your tired eyes with your left hand, throwing the pillow on the floor and using the phone display as a torch in the pitch dark room. There was no point in falling asleep again, you had already slept so many hours, sleeping anymore would only make you drowsy the entire next day. You yawned as you staggered towards the bathroom, flicking the lightswitch on the wall and squinting fiercely as you were blinded by the harsh bathroom ceiling light. You put the phone down and quickly caught your reflection in the mirror before you sat down on the toilet to pee, folding a couple of sheets toilet paper in your hand. You yawned again as you flushed, going to wash your hands but once again being amused by your reflection.

That’s not me. 

It’s the person I’ve become but never wanted to be. 

Your dark circles almost reached your cheekbones, the wounds on your knees still stinging even after hours of peaceful slumber. You poked your tongue out to which the reflection did the same, staring back at you with frizzy hair and puffy eyes from tears. You couldn’t trust it. Mirrors lie you thought and so does every single reflective surface in the entire world. You would never know what you truly looked like and that ignited panic in you, feeling your breath rapidly increasing as you held onto the white cold edge of the bathroom sink. 

This happened. Too often. It was the feeling of not knowing yourself or your surroundings. Like you had just appeared in this world, scared and alone. To not know who you are and having to live with yourself til the day you die frightened you. But you didn’t know if death was any better. Sure, the thought was comforting but being buried under layers of soil, having flowers and insects living their best life above you as you simply rotted away wasn’t the solution to all your worries although a moment of eternal peace did sound tempting. 

You felt a lump in your throat, trying to cough as if it was some sort of anxiety flem when in reality it was your brain setting up imaginary barricades. Your hair draped in front of your face and with furious eyes you peeked up, seeing your almost demon-like expression and smiling psychotically. 

I hate you. 

I fucking hate you, y/n l/n.

Your smile was wiped off the moment the room started spinning. Your reflection becomes diffuse in the mirror as if it wasn’t enough not recognising it. A loud gulp made its way down your esophagus as you continued staring at yourself in disgust. You blinked slowly, every time you closed your eyes you saw those rainbow colored specks all around, almost as if they were distracting you from what was happening, like a kaleidoscope for a child. You felt as if the ground started shaking, an earthquake in your personal world that was separated from the real one. Maybe you were going back to the nightclub, to Changbin’s reassuring arms or maybe you we’re really going crazy this time. The specks got bigger, turning into elaborate patterns in neon colors that clouded your vision. You kept eye contact with your reflection for what seemed like forever, despising the person that was staring back, your gaze broken as your eyes rolled back in your skull, your eyes white as if you’d been hexed before you collapsed on the frigid bathroom floor. 

“y/n? y/n, wake up!” 

The sun dazed your eyes as you woke up on the slightly toasty concrete. Changbin tilted his head as a cigarette was hanging out the corner of his mouth, bright sunlight behind him. He had on a jean jacket with patches from several underground punk and rock bands, his neck was embellished with multiple silver chains and his hair was slicked back, glistening in the heat. He knocked the wind out of you even more, as if passing out in the bathroom wasn’t enough torture. 

“oh y/n! you’re awake!” 

Chan says, coming closer to you, this time he’s wearing a tanktop that showed off his flawless abs, your mouth watering at the sight. You only then remembered that you looked like a mess, still in your pyjamas that consisted of an old sports event t-shirt and small basketball shorts. 

“a-am i in the club again?” you say, rubbing your eyes with both hands before feeling your head pounding a bit, sitting up slowly and feeling the harsh ground beneath you. 

“no! you’re at the phone booth, everyone is here now oh and, this is usual how it’s supposed to look.”

After your vision stops blurring you look around, seeing the same alleyway and the same crimson phone booth but being hit with a completely different atmosphere. People were standing in all types of fancy clothes, trendy bright colors, exaggerated makeup and 7 inch platforms. The sun was beaming, it felt like a hot summer day with friends, just like the old days back when you had friends. 

“why does y/n always wear pyjamas? don’t you have any cool clothes?” Hyunjin snarks, pushing his blonde hair behind his ears, displaying his dangly silver and black earrings. 

“knock it off asshat, the poor girl is probably scared off her mind” Seungmin sneaks up behind the blonde, punching him lightly in the stomach before he smiles sweetly at you. Duality was this man's second name. 

“t-thank you seungmin” you said, giving a smile back but being met with a surprised facial expression.

“you remembered my name!” he said, giggling adorably. You gave a small nod before you looked back at Changbin that was drawing a breath from the cigarette, puffing out a white cloud close to your face before waving it away. You noticed how tired Changbin looked, his cheekbones sunken in and his complexion bleak. He stretched out his hand to help you up which you grabbed, the insides between his pointer and ring finger being slightly stained orange from tobacco. You wobbled up on your feet, knees slightly unstable but feeling better from sitting down a while. 

“are you alright y/n? i could open that resting room if you want” he said before inhaling smoke once again, spreading in his mouth and intoxicating him. You shook your head.

“i want to see the club, why not while we’re there you know?” you said, smiling brightly and making his heart jump. Changbin hid the grin he so desperately wanted to display by dropping the cigarette bud on the concrete, stepping on it with his heavy boots that had chain details attached. 

“alright, whatever you want angel” Changbin sneered which caught the attention of the 7 other boys, all staring at the jean-jacketed boy. 

“angel? seems like someone has a crush” Hyunjin remarked making Jisung burst out in laughter. 

“says master heartbreaker” Chan said under his breath making Hyunjin furrow his eyebrows, diverting his gaze from Changbin to Chan instead. 

“come on you guys! can we not go to the club already?” Felix said, him also wearing a crop top along with a leather chest harness that accentuated his figure. Jisung nodded and made his way towards the phone booth that had droplets of steam on the inside, Felix and Hyunjin following shortly after the squirrel-like boy. You observed the alleyway. People leaning against the grey wall where the phone booth was, either smoking or chatting. Some were standing, others sitting down directly on the concrete, feeling the same heat you felt as you woke up. 

With unstable steps you walked towards the phone booth behind all the boys, Changbin staying by your side and waving his hands towards the 7 boys that had somehow crammed into the humid and stuffy metal building, Chan closing the glassdoor as a couple of the boys giggled. You and Changbin stood on the other side of the door, seeing how Chan grabbed the black phone you had once held with cold dirty hands and Seungmin giggling as he took a sip out of the contents in the paper cup, passing it around to the others that did the same.

They disappeared right in front of you. Your mouth stood agape. They didn’t pass out, they just disappeared into thin air, leaving the airless crimson structure empty yet again. 

“w-wait, why didn’t they pass out?” you asked, turning to Changbin as you ran a hand through your hair.

“it happens when you’re new. the body isn’t used to the entire,,, universe switch so you will probably pass out this time also but don’t worry, i’ll catch you” 

Changbin grinned, opening the door and being hit by the lack of oxygen. He held the door open for you to which you smiled, stepping inside and seeing that the paper cup had been refilled automatically. The door closed behind Changbin, you standing in close proximity to the boy as you lifted the phone slowly, still feeling the warmth from Chan’s hand. The dark haired boy grabbed the brown paper cup, not even looking at the goopy substance before drinking it, seeing his adam's apple bob up and down. You put the phone towards your ear, wondering why you didn’t hear the female automated voice.

“it doesn’t work?” you said with confusion to which Changbin smiled, pressing in the infamous number on the rusty keypad.

[1800-xxx]

“yeah, it doesn’t if you don’t type in the number” he chuckled, holding the paper cup in both hands and leaning against the humid glass.

Suddenly you hear the voice you were dreading the hear.

“Thank you for calling. This place only appears to the suffering. If you are receiving this call, congratulations! Your prayers have been answered. Drink the liquid in the paper cup above this payphone. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid. Drink the liquid.”

It reminded you of that night. That dark rainy evening. The voice started to lag, just like it did last time. You hung up and turned around whereupon you saw Changbin handing you the paper cup. You gulped and put your lips on the edge of the cup, looking at him with unease but feeling comfortable with his presence. You tilted the cup, feeling the sweetness trickle down your throat, almost stinging your insides. Changbin smiled, he looked like the typical bad boy from every cliché teen movie but it made your heart flutter, slightly embarrassed at the state of yourself. He pushed away from the glass wall and swiped his thumb across the corner of your mouth, wiping off the sweet liquid and licking it off the tip of his thumb. You stood there, frozen at the sudden action, gazing softly at him. 

“you had something there” he chuckled as you started to feel lightheaded again, your eyelids getting heavy. 

“thanks” you said shortly, your gaze drifting down on the dirty floor beneath your feet, drifting in and out of consciousness. 

Changbin didn’t say anything, catching you mere seconds after you collapsed on the grimy surface. Admiring your heavy eyes and puffy cheeks for a second before he himself disappeared into the abyss. 

“One Moscow mule, please!” 

An unfamiliar voice shouted through the blasting club music accompanied by what sounded like the shaking off a cocktail shaker. You groaned, your eyes fluttering open and being hit by the beams of a thousand light machines in all sorts of colors.

“Oh y/n!!” Jisung shouted on the other side of the bar, you found yourself sitting on a chair in the corner of the bar, on the same side as Changbin that was working diligently, mixing some concoction into a metal shaker. You rubbed your eyes, yawning and wondering how you could sleep sitting up. You heard Changbin set the metal cup down, telling something to the woman beside him, must be his co-worker you thought. He kneeled down next to the chair you were sitting on, looking up at you with curious eyes. 

“how are you feeling?” he asked loudly, trying to overvoice the music.

“im good” you answered back just as loud, the two of you locking eyes. Changbin smiled at you with his tired face, glancing over the glasses that were located beneath the bar. 

“you want something to drink?” Changbin said to which you nodded. 

“give me anything” you said, messing with your hair and sighing. You felt tired, an urge to sleep despite the loud blaring music. Maybe it was more of an emotional fatigue. A lack of feeling. And that’s usually when you turn to the bottles. Changbin nodded, standing up and returning to his co-worker, starting to grab all kinds of pretty coloured alcohol. 

“ay! y/n! come join us!” you heard Felix say, him standing with a glass in his hand, the other boys scattered around the club along with the other troubled individuals. You smiled widely, looking around and noticing the small exit gate connected to the bar. You patted Changbin on the back, him turning around with a grin before you exited through the gate, closing it after you and pushed through the crowd of people, making your way over to the boys. 

“y/n, welcome to where you will feel alive” Jisung yelled, spreading his arms and nearly knocking someone in the hand.

It was truly living you thought. Every single way to escape reality was located here whether it would be alcohol, drugs or sex. People dancing and jumping, grinding and rubbing up against each other. In multiple booths there were people making out, touching in unknown places. Many looked outright high, moving as if their body was possessed by some dance god, not knowing how to control their limbs. You could have sworn you saw Seungmin putting a yellow pill in his mouth, smiling mischievously at someone you didn’t know. 

So this was letting go. 

“y/n! here!” you heard Changbin’s voice call behind you, turning around and seeing him putting a glass of clear liquid onto the stained wooden bar with coasters scattered all around, a couple lime wedges floating around with the ice in the glass.

“vodka tonic, giving you the strong ones” he said, grinning, to which you smiled back, understanding the hint to his personal life through his eyes. The glass was cold against your warm hand since you were in this stuffy environment filled with countless people and without any windows, only a ventilation system that led to nothing. You put the edge of the glass against your lips, taking a sip and swallowing harshly, feeling bitterness that tasted sweet because that’s what alcohol does when it’s consumed on a particularly bitter day. Or life. 

The other boys were dancing, Chan mostly hanging around the edges of the nightclub and observing the nightlife. You made your way over to him, taking another sip in order to gain the courage to strike up a conversation. 

“Sup? you feeling any better?” he asked before you had the chance to even open your mouth. 

“better. why aren’t you enjoying yourself like the others?” 

“i mean,,, i’m technically doing my job even though i’m not getting paid for it. i just like to be in charge i guess,,,” he said, getting more and more silent as he spoke. You nodded.

“i do work with stuff in real life as well” he added, to which you raised your eyebrows.

“what do you work with,,, if you don’t mind me asking!” you said, taking another sip of what tasted like Lucifer’s saliva. 

“music producer! it’s tiresome but,,, i don’t really need sleep,,, or more like i can’t sleep. lucky there’s energy drinks and naps” he said with a giggle, his dimples displaying as he chuckled, leaning against the black walls of the nightclub. 

“must be tough,,, but wait,,, i’ve never heard your music,,, and also shouldn’t you be the DJ then?” you said confused, swirling the liquid in your hand. 

“but that’s the thing y/n, all these people, every single person you see in this room lives in another universe”

You gazed at him, Chan looking straight ahead towards the crowd.

“what do you mean by different universes?” you asked to which curly haired boy cocked his eyebrow.

“we will never coexist y/n, when i tell you that we’ve tried to bring our friendships to the real world i really mean it. we will never exist in your life outside of this hub and,,, it sucks.” Chan took a pause before speaking, pondering on what to say next.

“-thats what happened with a friend we had. i’m saying had because we don’t know where they are or what adventures await them. They just,,, disappeared” Chan said mellowly, you humming in response as you took a final sip of the devil’s juice, already feeling your face heating up.

“h-how does one get out of this place,,, forever i mean” you asked, leaning back against the same wall as Chan and looking right ahead as the song changed to a slower, almost psychedelic beat. 

“when said person gets help,,, or starts to feel better or when you hit the casket, three options basically” he says with an acerbic smile. “what? Do you like Changbin?” Chan says teasingly. “you’ve been catching glances at him this entire conversation.”

He was right, you had been glancing over at Changbin occasionally, you couldn’t help it. Was it an excuse for you to look at his cute face from a distance or because you cared about him? You laughed it off but Chan turned serious.

“you know that’s it’s not possible.” he says quietly.

“what? what is not possible?”

“a relationship”

You choked on your own saliva, being blinded by the annoyingly bright strobe lights.

“a relat- ya! do you really think I have time for any of that? besides,,, i’m not really interested in Changbin.”

“who said only you should be interested?” 

Your eyes widened when Chan said that. No way could Changbin have these weird feelings to you, the feeling shouldn’t be mutual. 

“h-has Changbin said something about you?” you asked timidly, gazing over at Changbin that temporarily made eye contact across the club.

“why don’t you ask him yourself? but i’m telling you y/n,, don't get attached, you will get hurt,,, j-just like i did once” 

Sure, you understood what Chan meant. Everyone was here for the time being. One day he could disappear if he decided that the life he was living now either isn’t worth it or he takes control and makes something out of it. There comes a time where you are too tired of living the way you do and so you do something about it, no matter if it’s good or bad. 

Changbin waved his hand at you, wanting you to join him behind the bar where now Felix was standing and annoying Changbin by tickling him or whispering in his ear as he moved his body with much fluidity. You smiled, waving towards Chan shortly before you once again made your way through the crowd, feeling lightheaded but in a positive way, as if you really were forgetting reality for a moment. 

“y/n!! come!!” Changbin yelled, bouncing slightly to the typical house beat that was now playing, barely holding the bottle of gin since Felix was pestering him playfully. Changbin’s co-worker opened the wooden gate for you, smiling sweetly at you and you doing the same back, your gaze drifting down until you notice the red marks around her throat. You were often scared by people. Not by their actions but by their way to cover them up and of course, you were guilty of this too. Looking at these people you would never guess the pain that was going on inside, the surface level happiness really is surface level. You could smile genuinely towards her, you didn’t have to understand everything she was going through but you knew how it was, smiling when bridges are burning in your mind. 

Sometimes pretending hurts more. 

“Changbin!” you squealed after you had passed by his co-worker, holding the empty glass that was now nothing more but half melted ice cubes and three wedges of bright green lime. Without thinking you put the glass down on his working station and pull him into a tight hug, squeezing your body against his and feeling the warmth radiate off of him. He froze awkwardly in your arms before loosening up, wrapping his arms around you and ultimately taking in your scent that was now mostly pungent with liquor and sleep, a soft scent that Changbin couldn’t get enough off. You felt safe which was rare in a nightclub especially knowing that most people were either high or carrying weapons. But there was something about him that made you feel like home. It felt familiar, like you’d visited his soul. As if the two of you were sharing the same empty house in your heart despite you never letting anyone in, too scared to be hurt again. Maybe you could let Changbin in, maybe he was different. 

The hug lasted longer then you thought, his eyes darting all over the stuffy room before he slowly let go, taking a long inhale of the almost addictive smell. The two of you locked eyes, a shy red tinged his cheeks that was only visible due to there being a spotlight just above him. 

“can i talk to you for a second?” you asked, rather boldy which was odd. He nodded and grabbed your wrist only to pull you in behind the same black door where you once ended up in, confused and dazed. He let go of you and closed the door behind him, you standing in the middle of the room that now had tiny light standing on the floor, nothing more new then the same old shelfs and black leather couch. 

“what did you wanna talk about?,,, figured you maybe wanted to tell me somewhere more quiet”

‘Quiet’ was an overstatement, the music was making the walls shake and even though it was muffled the jumping of hundreds of people could still be heard in the small dark room where you were alone, with him. 

“ehm,,, i don’t know really,,,” you stammered, not knowing what else to say.

“is something wrong y/n? Do you need to be alone for a while? i can le-”

“no, thank you,,, i just wanna be with you.” You interrupted him, his eyebrows furrowing when you uttered the last sentence. He stepped closer to you, the soles of his shoes making a pleasant sound against the floor. You lifted your gaze at him, Changbin standing right in front of you. Beauty that could make you drool. His hair was slightly messy, temples sweaty as he had worked and fetched all kinds of bottles for hours, the grey apron marking his title in the nightclub.

“but i’m here with you! Are you playing some sort of prank on me? did chan set this up?” he chuckled with a smirk, throwing a gaze at the door before diverting it back to your glossy eyes.

“n-no,,, Changbin, I want you”

His mind went blank and so did yours.

You don’t know why you said that but it was too late. The cat was out of the bag. It was too late.

“y/n? are you drunk?” he asked, looking at you seriously and putting the back of his hand against your forehead, suspecting you might be getting sick. You shook your head in response.

“no, it was only one drink, you know? i just,,, kinda,, want you”

You grabbed his hand that was still lingering on your forehead and drew it closer to your heart, holding firmly by his wrist. The clothed valleys of your breasts made contact with the rough palm of his hand, Changbin’s eyes still glued to yours. He scoffed loudly.

“and here i was,,, thinking it was some sort of unrequited love”

It felt like his hand turned into thorns, stinging your heart. So he wanted you too. 

Changbin’s hand that rested on your boob snaked upwards, grabbing your jaw as he smiled at you briefly, tilting his head and slowly closing his eyes, attaching his rough lips on yours. Your eyes widened before they closed slowly, eyelashes fluttering in a flirty haze. This was how it felt to kiss someone you loved. It was as if a thousand fireworks ignited inside your beating heart, flying and exploding in an array of colors. A pure lightshow. 

Your hands made their way to Changbin’s angular face, cupping his cheeks and feeling his sharp cheekbones against the palms of your hands. Your noses accidentally bumped into each other as your heads tilted from left to right, a sensual pace to the kiss to which the dark haired boy chuckled, adding some laughter to the otherwise grave situation that contained the sounds of two lips smooching each other. The music was only adding to the ambiance, Changbin’s hands wandering and exploring territory on your body that was foreign to him but very well-known to you. Your wet tongues danced around to a serenade, his kiss was strong, sure to leave an unforgettable impression on you. You would want him from now on and forever. 

You moaned into the kiss as his hands rested on your ass, groping the flesh that was covered by your pyjamas-shorts. This made Changbin cock his eyebrow, pieces of his slicked back hair falling into his face as making him look like a charming 80′s prince. His fingers danced around the elastic band of your pants, fingers hooking and playfully tugging on the string, a silent plea for you to take them off. You smiled against his lips, saliva exchanging in a heavy and steamy kiss, your cheeks growing warmer by the second. 

The two figures melted into one as Changbin pulled you closer to his body, feeling his cock poke through the coarse material of his jeans against your lower abdomen. Good to know that he was enjoying this as much as you were. Your hands descended downwards, traveling along his black tight t-shirt, the jean jacket from earlier being god knows where. The contour of his abs made you smirk, you knew what he was hiding beneath these clothes that you ravenously wanted to tear up. You palmed him through his pants, earning a hiss from the male that panted heavily into the kiss. 

You broke the kiss, taking a moment to breathe as your lips were separated by a lonely string of saliva. You grabbed Changbin’s wrist, pushing him down on the leather couch as you straddled his lap, feeling his hard-on against your aching wet cunt. You wanted him so bad and here he was, in front of you for only you to devour. Changbin grabbed onto your hips, pinning them down against his cock and leaning forward to reattach his lips on yours, teeth  accidentally clicking against each other moments before your sloppy hot tongues met, feeling his tongue against the soft surface of yours. The sound of lips meeting ringed through your ears, your hips grinding against Changbin’s crotch in a steady pace, feeling your neediness grow. Your hands ran along his abdomen, sneaking them up inside his shirt and tugging on the black material of his t-shirt, pulling it above his head. What was hiding underneath his clothes was more than a pleasant surprise. Your lips moved swiftly against his jawline, peppering kisses on his delicate neck as your hands teased the supple skin of his abdomen, feeling the outline of his muscles against your touch. 

Changbin placed his hands near your stomach, pulling your oversized sleeping shirt over your head in the same fashion you did moments earlier. You gasped as the fabric danced over your now hardened nipples, freeing your tits. Of course you didn’t wear a bra when you were in the comfort of your own home but you didn’t think anyone would actually undress you, especially not Changbin. He hummed at the sight, cupping your tits in his hands that were covered in metal rings, feeling the coldness against your heated skin. You shuddered, the sensation shooting down to your dripping core. He kneaded them in his hands as you rubbed against his cock, his boner having a visible outline through his pants, you couldn’t help but to fiddle with his belt buckle, undoing it and hearing the clicking sound of the buckle hitting itself. Changbin pulled away from your swollen lips, tapping you on the thigh to step off in order for him to pull his pants down. You moved to the seat next to him on the couch, the leather sticking back as you laid down, lifting your hips up to remove your pyjama pants along with your panties that quickly hid underneath the fussy pants due to it’s rather interesting print, small teddy bears printed on the fabric. You kicked off your shoes, more like slippers that you wore indoors. 

Changbin swiftly pulled down his jeans and black boxers in one motion, throwing them close to your pile of clothes at the base of the couch. Your eyes widened, mouth watering at the pure sight of his cock, a pretty bead of precum decorating his slit, contrasting with the crimson shiny tip. A big gulp descended down your esophagus, heat tinging your cheeks. He chuckled from seeing you stare at his member with shiny doe eyes that reflected in the small lamp on the floor.

“You seem,,, intrigued” he chuckled to which you giggled, not believing that you were really in this small room together with him. 

“Y-yeah,,, maybe I am” you snarked, moving your gaze to his eyes and smiling. Only on your way upwards his well-sculpted body did you see the boy holding a small blue plastic item. You furrowed your eyebrows when Changbin opened the packet, retrieving a slightly slippery condom from inside. 

“Do we even need that?” you laughed before continuing. “I mean if nothing gets transferred to the real world neither should pregnancies or STD’s” 

Changbin tsked, rolling the condom onto his veiny cock, turning slightly away from you to avoid your intense eyes. 

“Ask Chan, he would know” Changbin said, turning back to you and making his way over to the couch.

“N-no,,, no way.” You shook your head, your mouth agape as your eyes still danced over Changbin’s buff thighs. 

“Yup, knocked up a girl” he said, suppressing a laugh. “And that’s why y/n, you never think with your dick”.

“Being completely honest,,, I expected more from Chan, he seems really,,, responsible” you remarked, Changbin hovering over you and placing a soft kiss on your lips, his hands on either side of your figure.

“He is but I think love is his weak spot or more like,,, lack of love. He often confuses love with either sex, money or fame,,, might I even say drugs.” 

You simply nodded not knowing what more to add to the conversation, Changbin’s fingers tracing small circles around your nipples, sneaking them down between your legs where your cunt was aching after him. Anything, as long as it was him. His middle- and ring finger dipped into your heat, feeling the wetness between your folds causing you to hold on to Changbin’s sturdy shoulder. Without warning his fingers entered your dripping hole, fingers curling upwards and grazing your g-spot. You flinched, feeling his cold metal rings against your clit. The dark haired boy shushed, reassuring you that you were in safe hands and that he would make you feel good. Nothing else mattered besides you. 

His fingers grazed your velvety walls, thrusting up into your cunt with just enough vigor to make you clutch to his bicep, the firm muscles making you swoon. You whined, spreading your legs even wider, your left leg hanging over the leather couch, sticking to your thigh as your body was heating up from arousal. The wet sounds of Changbin’s fingers playing with your cunt along with your soft whimpers were louder than the music outside, you pressing your head back onto the couch, rubbing your hair on the material. Changbin licked his plump lips upon seeing your face contorting into all kinds of lewd facial expressions, his cock needing to feel your warmth wrapped around it. The pad of his thumb played with your clit, laying it flat against the nub and teasing it in small circles causing tears to prickle in the corners of your shut eyes. 

“a-are you alright y/n?” he whispered softly in your ear, kissing the shell of your ear. You nodded, your hands cupping your tits, pinching your hardened nipples, adding pleasure and heat to the burning in your core. Changbin pulled out his fingers, putting the slick covered digits in his mouth and watching you with hawk eyes as he lapped up your juices, humming in delight. 

“fuck you taste so good angel” he stated, making you blush, covering your face with your hands. Changbin chuckled, tapping the tip of his dick against your swollen clit and aligning himself with your entrance. You moaned from the sensations, wrapping your legs around him to pull him in, you growing impatient the more he teased. 

“p-please fuck me Changbin” you said uttered in a faint voice, barely audible due to the music. It was as if his eyes tinged with a dark color, full of lust. His eyes were hooded, looking down at you with half closed lids, sighing loudly with sexual frustration. He wanted to destroy you, make you his but he had to hold onto his composure. Holding you firmly by your hips he slowly pushed the tip of his cock inside you, grunting at the warmness that comforted him. You hissed, biting the inside of your cheek, your nose scrunching up at the feeling of being stretched out by his girthy length. 

“can I go all the way? does it feel alright?” he asked. You answered with a small “yes”, more worried about the door being unlocked, anyone could burst through the door in seconds only to witness Changbin fucking you on the couch. That thought was quickly wiped from your mind as his cock stuffed into your cunt, your eyes rolling back into your skull as he slowly thrusts into you, using the hands on your hips as a way to guide him, nailing your cervix with each movement. The tips of his ears turned red, the silver chain around his neck reflecting on the dim light in the room as it rocked back and forward above you. You placed your hands around his wrists, looking boldly into his eyes with, a feeling brewing inside you that was hard to describe. It was titillation mixed with yearning. You knew you got him here. He was safe in your arms. You wanted to save him from everything bad in this world but how is that possible when you can’t even save yourself?

“c-changbin” you said in broken syllables, his thrusts only quickening. “changbin!” you repeated, shutting your eyes tightly, curling your toes in pleasure as a string of pretty moans melodically fell from your mouth along with his name. You couldn’t take it, his cock ramming into you in a both mindful and eager manner causing you to claw at his forearms, nails digging into the soft skin. Your tongues were once again caught in a kiss, the taste of your tongue being irresistible to the boy but not sure if it was your love that was drawing him in or the subtle taste of liquor from earlier. His lips felt parched against your, his tongue gliding on your bottom lip before kissing it, his saliva feeling hot in your mouth. The boy above you pulled away for a moment.

“you’re so pretty like this y/n,, fuck, i think i love you”

You gulped but your silence was soon cut off from Changbin slamming his hips against yours, his cock hitting your that specific spot that made you go crazy, the familiar feeling of your orgasm penting up inside you. You moaned with desperation, the lewd sounds bouncing off the dark colored walls. This was music for Changbin’s ears. His grunts accompanied by your whimpers and the squelching sound of your walls engulfing his dick so tightly, the sounds alone was heaven for him. With every move against your body you felt the well-acquainted smell of cigarettes that you could almost feel in your lungs, an addictive scent. 

“i love you too, Changbin” you mumbled, slurring on your words from nervousness, feeling shy even though you were naked in front of him. He smiled, peering down at you as his hair fell from it’s perfect gelled state. You smiled softly at him, his cheeks slowly turning a red that matched his lips. Your moans turned to borderline screams, his cock twitching inside of you as he slowly got closer to his sweet release. Clenching around him, Changbin grabbed bent your legs towards you, gently rolling his head backwards as the pace got quicker. 

“i’m g-gonna cum! don’t stop!” you yelped, your heart thumping at the speed of light, tiny sweat droplets forming on your forehead. Changbin reached so deep inside of you causing you to thrash around, fiercely trying to grip to the edges of the couch. The burning in your core got intense, it felt as if a thousand stars were falling at the same time, bursting with amativeness. The sudden feeling of warmth took over your body, a pleasant tingle surging. A breathy moan leaving you stunned, grabbing onto Changbin’s hands that were pushing your knees towards you. Just as your orgasm washed over you like a ton of bricks falling to the ground, your body jolted with the last couple of powerful thrusts, a loud gasp slipping from his lips. His girthy cock released it’s seed into the condom, his hot breath lingering near you. 

He let go of your quivering legs, them flopping down on either side of him. Your chest heaved up and down as you breathed through your parted lips. Changbin pulled off, carefully removing the condom and discarding it somewhere on the floor. He snuggled close to you on the narrow couch, pressing his sweaty body against yours, taking a moment to catch his breath before speaking.

“So you love me too?” he chuckled. You turned to face him, looking deep into his dark brown eyes that looked pitch black in the dim light. After a loud exhale you answered him.

“No, I think I can’t live without you” you whispered, rubbing the tip of your nose against his. His stable breath tickled against your chin, your eyes slowly closing as Changbin was observing your features that he found insanely attractive. And it was even more attractive that you were his. But this couldn’t last.

“You know this is not possible y/n” he said with sadness in his voice as he gulped, his adams apple protruding. You knew it, the thing you dreamt of wasn’t possible since the two of you didn’t exist in each other's worlds. 

“I feel fucking stupid” you said with closed eyes, sighing after your words. Changbin shook his head. 

“Don’t give up that easily y/n, we can try”. He was right but what relationship was only visible in the darkness of a nightclub? Only a promiscuous one. Yet, you didn’t want to give up. Not matter what kind of relationship it was you wanted to be with him. 

“So,,, what does that mean? That we are-”

“Dating, I guess” he added shortly, the corner of his lips lifting upwards. It sounded weird in your ears. Dating someone you had only met a couple of times but it felt right. This was where you belonged. In his arms, away from all your demons. He truly cared for you, not like the others. He was unlike those in your life that said that they cared but never wanted to know more than the surface level of your character. He wanted to know everything about you. Your hurt, your sorrows, your pain but also your happiness, your joy and your solace. He wanted to know you. 

Your hands trailed up and down his upper arms, his skin feeling soft against your touch. The two of you cuddled like this for a while, Changbin running his hands along your hair, its smell reminding him of a green meadow of millions of flowers in all shapes, colors and sizes. He didn’t want to leave but if he wasn’t back in the bar the boys would start looking for him and the last thing he wanted was 7 boys teasing him for getting it on. You were more than a hookup. More than just a fling. 

Changbin stood up, squinting his eyes in order to look for his clothes and finding them scattered all over the room. He pulled his underwear and jeans over his lower body before pulling his shirt over his top half, the black t-shirt sitting snugly around his muscles. He ran a hand through his dark hair, shaking his head before smirking at you. Such a tease. 

“Do you have to leave?” you asked with a whiny voice, your arms felt empty once again. He nodded.

“i’m afraid so, don’t want them thinking I've been transported back without them knowing, they get worried but that’s only natural I guess.” 

You nodded back, putting your cheek against the leather on the seat, your arm hanging straight down, the back of your hand limp against the floor. 

“Get dressed if you want to have some more fun or you can chill here for a moment but I have to warn you, that door doesn’t have a lock” Changbin said, pointing at the only door in the room. 

“i’ve already noticed that” you remarked, grabbing your panties and only after you’ve pulled them halfway up your thigh did you see Changbin smirking at you.

“You’re cuter than I thought” he said, pointing at your teddy bear panties with his chin, stepping closer to you. You looked away, biting your lip in embarrassment as you felt his hand on your hair, ruffling it sloppily. 

“You’re making fun of me!” you said back with a pout, pulling your pyjama pants over your bottom. 

“yeah, because you’re adorable” he said, placing a peck on your lips. You wanted more of him. He was simply addictive. 

But not even this universe wanted to see you two together.

Your eyelids got heavier, your eyebrows furrowing at the familiar yet distant feeling. It felt unknown until you saw the small specks clouding up your vision once again. 

“y/n? y/n, how are you?” Changbin said with worry, grabbing you by your shoulders and looking at your apathetic gaze. “N-no, y/n, don’t leave now”

You didn’t want to but you didn’t decide when you left. 

You harshly held Changbin in your arms, putting your forehead against his shoulder, rubbing against it. Changbin slowly put his hands around you, patting your back as salty tears rolled down your warm cheek, putting wet stains on his shirt. 

“shh,,, it’s ok y/n, are you feeling dizzy?” he asked carefully to which you nodded mellowly, your bottom lip quivering as the multicolored boxes of light flashed before your eyes. The room felt unstable, like your legs wouldn’t hold you much longer and they didn’t when you collapsed into Changbin’s arms, him holding you tightly to his chest as your knees buckled. Your voice was unstable, a silent cry pleading to be heard.

“I love you” you whispered in a frail voice. The ear-deafening music from outside was tuning out from your hearing, your words slurring at the end as you repeated yourself for the last time. 

“I love y-you”

Changbin was left hugging air, his arms empty as he opened his sparkling eyes. He was close to tears because he was left there. Without you. 

“HEY! WHERE IS- oh” 

Jisung burst through the black door, the six other boys standing close behind him as they looked around the room, eventually catching eye contact with Changbin.

“She went home” Changbin said softly, letting his arms fall to the sides. Jisung inched closer to him, patting him on the shoulder where your tears were still left as a souvenir of your love. 

“She’ll come back, don’t worry about it” Jisung said with a reassuring smile, leading Changbin to the door, out of the room that smelled like sex and tenderness.

“Euw,, what is this doing here? Does nobody know how to clean up?” Felix said pointing at the used condom on the floor. Changbin’s face went cold, stopping dead in his tracks. 

“is it yours or something Changbin?” Hyunjin laughed, pushing the youngest, Jeongin, in a fit of laughter. 

The room went quiet after Hyunjin’s cold laughter. It was pretty obvious.

“YOU FUCKED HER?” Jisung screamed in Changbin’s ear, making him flinch away and holding his ear in pain. The room filled with all sorts of teasing sounds, everything from “ooh~" to “AYE” in obnoxious voices. 

“Luckily he used a condom!” Minho snarled, glancing over at Chan that was ready to beat Minho into pulp. Chan sighed, regretting that he didn’t shove the condom in Minho’s smirky face. 

“No but seriously you guys, y/n is more than you think. It’s not just another person I fucked, she actually means something to me.” 

Just when Changbin thought he had something special some of the boys started laughing even harder, ruffling his hair and poking his cheeks.

“yeah right,,, what? are you guys dating or something?” Seungmin asked, rolling his eyes.

“yes, i’m serious you guys! I love her,,,” he said with a frown, already missing your touch.

“What idiot gets into a relationship 3 months before they have to go to rehab?” Minho says, retrieving a cigarette from the red packaging in the pocket of his leather jacket. 

Oh fuck. 

Rehab.

When someone recovers from their pain is when you disappear from the club. You are no longer a lost soul. You are no longer lost within yourself. And that’s when you return to the real world, your real world. 

Keeping secrets in a relationship was deceitful in Changbin’s eyes. If you belong to someone you should be as transparent as the liquor he poured into his ice cold glass every evening. He felt guilty. You poured your heart out for him, telling him everything that had hurt for so many years and here he was, pretending. He did that a lot, mainly because he was taught to be a reliable man. It wasn’t manly to feel. 

Which is why he left his home at a young age. He didn’t care if he worked a minimum wage job and lived in a destitute area, he was content as long as he didn’t live with his parents. But when you live alone it’s not rare that isolation creeps up on you and strokes your cheek with a feather light touch, inviting you over to a dance with the demons that would soon cloud up your mind. Alcohol was Changbin’s comfort. It was the only one that didn’t fail to reassure him. It was as if the bottles spoke to him, promising him that a life intoxicated was better than the life he was currently living. 

And he fell for it.

Every time.

He couldn’t take it anymore, he wanted to live a life that is actually worth living. Change comes from within but he needed help and he had only recently realized that he had a problem, that these toxic liquids were what’s keeping him from chasing the dream life. He didn’t dream of much, just the average life would be more than enough, with someone he loved. 

But what was he supposed to do?

Take the step to recover or continue his addiction for the sake of being with you?

The demons whispered softly in his ears.

Life or Love?

Taglist ; @minholuvs @liz820​ @skztrashbag @lix-freckle3​ 

#stray kids smut #stray kids angst #changbin smut #changbin angst #skz smut #stray kids imagines #stray kids fanfic #skzsmut #skz fanfic #skz x y/n #skz x stay #skz x reader #skz x you #skz x female reader #stray kids x y/n #stray kids x reader #stray kids x stay #stray kids x female reader #seo changbin smut #seo changbin angst #changbin x y/n #changbin x female reader #changbin x you

[sery-chan-13]

Burnt Out

Bitches... (1, I love you all very much. 2, .... read 1) it's time for some angst...

And the start of me making poly relationship things-

Request away lol (I'm working on a request and small project chapters :) )

Warnings: Toxic Relationship, mentions scars, burns, Manga spoilers, swearing, emotionally abusive behavior, mentally abusive behavior, gaslighting(?) Let me know if I missed any!

You giggled as both men chased after you through the halls of the hotel. "(Y/N), you're wearing socks! You're going to- shit!" Niragi yelled after you, cursing when he saw you fall. You slipped down the stairs. You landed with a thud at the bottom. Tears filled your eyes at the pain, but you swallowed them back, standing up. You yelped, falling back to the floor. Chishiya stared down at you, kneeling besides you,  squeezing your leg. "Ow! Shi-Shi, hurts," you whined, slapping his hand away. He glared up at you. "Maybe don't be stupid next time. I'm just trying to help you," he scoffed, going back to trying to find out what was wrong. "You don't have to be so mean to he-" "Shut up. You're dumber than her, you're the whole reason this happened anyways." He felt people stare, and stopped. "Take her back up to our room. I'll figure out what's wrong there," Chishiya stated, getting up, and walking away. You expected Niragi to yell after him, or repremand him for something, but we're met by silence. "Gi-Gi, you ok?" You whispered as he picked you up softly. He pressed a quick kiss to your forehead nodding.

"Niragi... this isn't the way back to our room," you said, noticing he was taking you the opposite way. "Clever girl," he praised with a smile. You laughed at his words. "I'm taking you to Ann. She has more equipment to help you. I'll get Chishiya after I take you to her though," he explained. You nodded.

_______________________________________

"And then it was like bam, then woosh, and like... wow!!" You exclaimed, trying to find the words to explain your game. Niragi laughed, patting the top of your head. "Sounds fun sweetheart. Tell me all about it after I take a shower," he said. You nodded with a smile, sitting on the edge of your bed. Chishiya had been on the bed, listening to your rambling. "Chishiya, I think it was really cool how you tried to-" you started. "Gods you're loud. Quiet down. And I know. I'm clever, after all. Neither of you would be here without me. Probably dead," he lectured. "But Chishiya, Niragi and I survived without you before we came to the Beach, remember? We were t-" you started, confused at his words. "I get it, he's your favorite out of us both! You make it so fucking obvious. I bet the only reason you wanted both of us is because you're an attention whore who needs multiple men to use her to feel good about herself. Shut up and let me sleep," he shouted. Tears filled your eyes as he turned away from you. Had you really shown favoritism? You didn't try to, if you had. You always made sure you tried to do things with both. Was he feeling left out? Is that why he was being a jerk?

Those were all thoughts running through your mind, not knowing that you weren't the problem. You had spent equal time with both, giving them equal attention. Chishiya just never wanted you around him.

_______________________________________

"(Y/N), come with me. Now," Chishiya ordered. Ten of Hearts. That was tonight's game. And you were terrified. He had pulled you away before anything got to out of hand. You thought that maybe he was trying to be nice. Maybe he had finally come around? Had you given him enough attention? "W-where's Niragi?" You asked, jogging to catch up with him. "Don't worry about him let's go."

You followed him around the whole time, watching as his hands quickly grabbed items. ''What are you making?" You asked, hoping he didn't snap at you. You feared his response. "Something to beat the game with. If you can't bring the witch to the fire, bring the fire to the witch," he said. You sighed in relief. He didn't yell at you, and you were happy about it. "Ok... so... you know who the witch is?" You questioned. "I have a hunch. Now stop asking questions," he stated. "So annoying..." you heard him mutter. You frowned, keeping your lips shut.

Following him up the stairs, you kept to yourself. You knew he wouldn't care about your thoughts. He might yell at you, or call you annoying. You didn't want to make him angry... He was just trying to protect you, right?

"Niragi!" You shouted happily, seeing he was at the rooftop. He wasn't dead. He looked over at you with a smirk. "Ah, so he did keep you safe. Where were you hiding?" He asked, picking up his gun from the floor. "There's many places for me to hide," Chishiya responded. You tried walking towards Niragi, but Chishiya grabbed your sleeve. You tugged at his hand, trying to get away. "Let me go," you said, struggling against him. "No."

The next few minutes went in a blur. All you remember was Chishiya and Niragi arguing a bit back and forth. You were so overwhelmed already, the game getting to you, and now your lovers were fighting. Cards flying, fire, screaming. You couldn't tell if it was your own scream or Niragi's, but it didn't matter.

"C-chishiya what the hell?! W-what?!" You yelled, shaking, stepping back from him. "Hmm... guess he wasn't the witch then,'' he stated, dropping the homemade flamethrower to the ground. He started picking up the cards on the floor. You however tried taking deep breaths, trying to calm yourself. You couldn't. Tears slipped off your face, hands scratching you your arms. You couldn't scream, couldn't talk, couldn't move. It was like you were living in a nightmare.

_______________________________________

There was more instances, of course, but you were so done with everything. Niragi was still alive, to your relief. After all that, he was alive. And that's all that mattered to you. Chishiya had been with you, and still was. Understandably, you were scared of him. Niragi was angry at him, but couldn't do anything about it.

"Look, just tell me I'm right, and we're fine," Chishiya stated bored of the conversation. Both you and Niragi were so tired of this. The constant fighting, gaslighting, and hateful words. Chishiya was just too prideful to admit he was wrong.

It was a relationship between you three. You and Niragi shouldn't be putting in all the work, while he didn't try. At the begin he had. He had tried to be a part of the relationship, giving you both kisses and hugs. Random bouts of energy at 3 am to go to a random room. It had all started slowly going down hill. He pushed you both away, but didn't want to leave. He never left, giving you hope that maybe he really loved you both, and just didn't know how to express it. He had told you about his parents, and you just always tried to excuse his behavior as his trauma, but it just got to a point where you couldn't anymore.

"You're right," you started. You saw him smirk, and continued. "We couldn't fix you," you said. Suddenly he wasn't so sure of where this was going. "You're right, we shouldn't have tried to. Your pride is what you're concerned about?" Niragi said. He was tired of dealing with this as well. All he wanted was to find someone who actually cared about him, and who showed it. He didn't want to be with someone who made him feel alone. You didn't make him feel alone... "I'm still right, he wo-" Chishiya started, getting ready to argue back and forth with you two until you finally gave into him. But that wasn't going to happen today.

"Is "you're right" really all you wanna hear right now?" You whimpered, sitting on your knees next to Niragi.

"Well, you're right, we should've walked away faster... should've know You would only break our hearts after we were already in love," You whispered. You were all hurt. Niragi had severe burns, and bullet wounds, Chishiya had bullet wounds as well. You had burns on your arms and legs, cuts and bruises adorned your (s/c) skin. Most of which Chishiya had caused when he put you in danger at games for his own gain. Or when he needed to test one of the weapons he made, you were his test subject. "Yeah, I guess I'm just not good enough for either of you then. All you two do is act scared of me like I'm the bad guy-"

"You're right, you aren't good enough," Niragi stated angrily, caughing up blood after. He winced in pain at the sudden movement. You felt tears fill your eyes, and shook them away. ''I kissed your scars even after you hurt me, and he held your hand, even when you fucking burned him-" you shouted angrily. "Do you know how embarrassing that was?" Niragi whispered, his voice hoarse and raspy.

"Oh, because it's all my fault?"

"Yeah! That's exactly what we're saying! When was the last time you actually tried acting like you liked us?"

''She's right. You agreed to be with us. This is just fucking embarrassing to be with somebody who hates us, and doesn't even try to hide it."

"I don't hate you two I-"

"Liar."

"We hoped things got better, we hoped that love could turn a monster into a man," you stated, getting angrier by him trying to defend himself. "But it doesn't and it won't

Because you're beyond repair

But there is still someone for her somewhere, who will treat her so nice, you'll wish that you did-" Niragi retorted to his words. He didn't hate you both? He sure did a horrible job at showing it. Niragi knew he would die with his injuries. You would live. You could find someone who would treat you better than either of them could. "For someone so smart you're so fucking stupid to think that we're really that dumb..." you interrupted Niragi. He was losing energy, and anytime he coughed you could tell it was so painful to him. "We love you, but we're done... Pretending this was gonna work... Pretending loving you didn't hurt... Pretending that it doesn't burn when you think you're always right..." Niragi ended. Those words were hard for him to say, and hard for you to realize. You three had just been pretending this was going to work after Chishiya started pushing you two away. You two tried so hard to stay with him, and tried so hard to fit all three of you together, that you didn't realize how much staying fucking hurt.

" 'Cause you're still stuck on your past...You hate him so much but you're just like your dad!!" You screamed, shouting the first thing that came to mind. It hurt him. That was a first. The first time someone's words hurt him. And you, (Y/N), his sweet (Y/N), said them. You could see the shock written all over his face when you said them, and it made you feel a bit bad. Niragi was secretly proud of you, but focused on the situation at hand. Tears feel from your eyes, and you cursed yourself. "(Y/N), I- I'm- I can't... I-" Chishiya stammered. For once, he was at a loss for words. You and Niragi had made him happy. He didn't feel alone with you two, and that scared him. So he tried to push you both away, scared of hurting either of you, but I'm the end, he hurt you more than he meant to. He tried, he really tried at the beginning, the feeling of being together with you two bringing him the feeling of love, understanding, and happiness he'd never felt. But he ruined that. He hurt himself in this instance, he hurt the people he loved, making them scared of him. He realized you were right. He was turning out to be just like his father. He didn't want that. He wanted to wake up, this was surely a nightmare. He would wake up and you would be squished in between him and Niragi. You would be playing with his hair, talking about your dream. You wouldn't be scared of him, and you would all be back at the beach. Like the 10 of hearts never happened. But he knew that was wishful thinking. This was real, and this was happening. Everything he used to laugh about people worrying about was happening to him right now. This was his karma. It had finally caught up to him.

"And I know, that you tried...Gave it all that you had," you whispered through tears. No. He couldn't let the one thing that made him happy slip through his fingers. But... he had to let you go. You wanted to leave. Niragi wanted to leave. It would be cruel to both of you to make you stay. So he stayed quiet. Did you really think he tried? That made him feel a tiny bit better. You thought he tried. That he tried to make things work. "And being a monster doesn't necessarily make you bad..." Niragi added quietly. He was a monster. The words he had said to not only you, but Niragi could back that up. Not just his words either. His actions. He was a horrible person to both of you. Why did he expect both of you to stay with him, when neither of you had anymore energy to put into the relationship.

"But...even if we could staple it back together now... we all know that you can't light a fire that's already burnt out," Chishiya whispered. You both looked up, shocked he was agreeing with you. Was he crying? Neither you nor Niragi had ever seen him cry. Niragi chuckled a bit, not at the fact that Chishiya was crying, but at the fact that this was what it took for him to care. "Fuck... it hurts," Chishiya muttered with a laugh. "My injuries hurt less than losing both of you... fuck... I-"

He was interrupted by a voice. The games were over. "Oh my gods... we can go home! I reject citizenship in the borderlands," you said. "Same. I don't want to stay here. Fuck that," Niragi stated. "I also reject citezenship of the borderlands. This is like a personal hell..." Chishiya muttered. A bright light obstructed your vision.

You walked on crutches into their hospital room with a smile. " 'M back!" You chirped. You had all been in an accident, as a lot of people that were currently in the hospital were. You didn't know why, but the seemed so familiar. You liked being around them, and constantly visited them. "Ah, finally a pleasant noise to hear," the blonde man complemented. You could hear the teasing tone directed towards the other man in the room. "I can't really help it can I? So... shaddup..." the other muttered. "My nurse told me... that my heart stopped... for a minute," you mentioned, sitting in a chair in between their beds careful to not hurt your legs more. They had burns and scars, nothing tho serious. "What a coincidence. Us too," Chishiya said. You nodded, humming in acknowledgement. "I um... I also... get released tomorrow..." you said sadly. "That's great (Y/N). You can head back to your home," Niragi said. You shook your head. "I wanna stay. I don't know why, but you two seem familiar to me. And... I want to know why... it feels like...I don't know how to explain it..." you stated. "I... I've felt that as well," Chishiya admitted. "Ok, good I'm not crazy then," Niragi joked, coughing slightly after. "Well... how about I come visit everyday until you both get released... then we can figure out why? Or get to know each other more? It feels like... I've loved you in a past life kinda thing. Silly of me to say, huh?" You giggled. "I think... we'd both enjoy that... and it's not silly, in fact, we've both been talking about it, and that's how we feel. About you, and each other. It's quite weird, I've never met either of you in my life. You're both rather attractive though," Chishiya said. Niragi snickered and you looked over at Chishiya, who's eats had turned red.

"I said that outloud, didn't I?"

"Yep."

"It's a good thing I find both of you attractive too, blondie."

"Hey, I think you're both cute too! Lemme join in on this!"

"Of course. Join in on it (Y/N)."

I couldn't let you guys be sad, I'm sorry-

Also, I'm going on a trip to Arizona this week, so there will probably not be many (or any) updates. Sorry, but I do hope you enjoy this!

#alice in borderland #niragi #chishiya #×reader #angst :) #i told you i was going to make Chishiya toxic #did i know i was going to take it that far? no #did i like how it turned out? kind of #honestly ive been getting better at angst #also ive been convinced by my friends to write for poly relationships #not that i didnt want to more like i didnt know if people would like that #but im open to writing about them #as you see #and dont worry there will be non toxic healthy relationship ones #yay! #Spotify

[lizhly-writes]

tfw your roommate finds out about your huge embarrassing crush on him because of your stupid habit of talking out loud to yourself like a dumbass

@i-talk-a-lot​ WISH GRANTED.  To be honest, I wasn’t going to post this, but since I already this scene mostly written, here you go!

sequel to this ficlet.  what happens in this ficlet is exactly what it says on the tin.

“What was that.”

Nicholas jerks his head up only to find that Aaron hadn’t been nearly as absorbed in his textbook as Nicholas had assumed.  No, he’s looking at Nicholas -- staring at Nicholas, even, eyes narrowed like he’s found a particularly frustrating puzzle, and god, how long had he been doing that?

Shit.

“Nothing,” Nicholas says, too fast and too loud to be anything other than suspicious.

“You said my name.”

“No I didn’t.  You must have heard something else.  I, uh, I said --”

“You’re really shitty at gaslighting people.  Put some practice in, you’re supposed to sound more confident than that if you want people to believe you.”

“I’m not gaslighting you, don’t be dramatic.  I’m.  I’m just saying you heard it wrong.”

“You know, I don’t think I did,” Aaron says flatly.  “I think you said--”  He stops, eyebrows furrowed, before his expression slides into something horribly contemplative.

There is a very long pause.

“Aaron?” Nicholas says tentatively.

“You’re not fucking me.”

“What.”

“You’re not fucking me,” Aaron repeats, rolling his eyes like that’s obviously the first thing Nicholas should have considered.  “Look at you.  Do you know how much bigger you are than me?  You’d break me in half.”

There goes Nicholas’s hope that Aaron was speaking metaphorically.

“I- I’m not -- I didn’t think about --”

This is not a conversation Nicholas expected or wanted to have with Aaron ever.

Nicholas makes a terrible drawn out noise and covers his face with his hands.  “Why would you even say that,” he mumbles through his fingers.  “Why is that the first thing you say?”

“Something wrong with that?” Aaron drawls, raising an eyebrow.  The corner of his mouth is quirked up -- there’s a certain glint in his eye that makes Nicholas painfully aware that even though this guy doesn’t normally act like it, he was childhood friends with an absolute troll of a human being.

The worst thing is that it’s still a really nice smile, which means that Nicholas is still getting distracted by it, except in this case, it just means he’s getting further reminded of the sheer embarrassment of the situation, and if this goes on for any longer, Nicholas is probably going to implode.

“You’re doing this on purpose,” Nicholas says.

“Everything I do is on purpose,” Aaron says, marking his place in his textbook with a little sticky note.  “You’re going to have to be more specific than that.”

#original fic #my writing #mine #awkward crushes #get wrecked son you're dumb #everything

[plushpinkfox]

an attack on rophie

so i posted this in the last ever after forum in response to all the rophie/raphie shippers and i think it’s actually a really funny post and i encourage you to please use it to combat any rophie shippers you see wandering the sge fandom :) i’m already on the hitlist of a bunch of rophie shippers on the website and i assume it’s in part because of this post. i did not edit this so it’s got some website references to forums but other than that please enjoy!

“hey y'all! it's my first post in the last ever after forum and i'm seeing a LOT of raphie shippers so i thought i'd give my opinion on this ship before i do my big "reviewing sge ships" post on the one true king forum. let's give everyone a reminder of what rafal looks like! in the last ever after, he is described as a lean boy with "hairless white skin, snug black breeches, his thick spiked hair the color of snow, his tight veined arms, his glacier-blue eyes" who doesn't look a day more than sixteen. cute, right? oh wait, that's actually NOT what rafal looks like. let's go to the back of the book, shall we? page 635! here we are: "He began to change. His face shriveled like rancid fruit; his thick white hair sloughed off in clumps over his mottled skull; his spine hunched with sickening crackles, jerking his body into ugly contortions. Liver spots rashed across decaying skin, his blue eyes clouding toxic gray, his muscled limbs shrinking to bony sticks. with each second, he grew older and older, thousands of years old, screams of rage tearing from inside of him, smoke spitting through his mummifying skin, until the School Master was unmasked at last, a naked corpse of blackened, hateful flesh." wow. that doesn't sound very handsome, right? not only is rafal THOUSANDS OF YEARS OLD (sophie is about... sixteen here? wonderful age difference), but he is literally not human. he is a mummified ugly evil spirit. not very fun for shipping, which is why i'm guessing people choose to describe the hot form instead of his true evil ugly form. if you're willing to ignore the "naked corpse of blackened, hateful flesh" part, maybe we can look at some other parts of the "wonderful" raphie relationship. gaslighting sophie into believing that agatha wants to kill her? check! (see pages 441-442 of the last ever after, where rafal convinces sophie that agatha has used her wish-granting ability to make sure tedros stayed in love with agatha instead of sophie) encouraging her to kill her other friends? check! (see pages 449-451 of the last ever after, where rafal has captured her friends after convincing her that the world is against her, and letting her make the decision to kill them even though he knows he is manipulating her. manipulating her into ending the balance between good and evil, putting the entire woods in danger? check! (see THE ENTIRETY OF THE LAST EVER AFTER) //content warning for //a*b*u*s*e// below this line!!!// if that's not enough to convince you yet, then let's go to the website "https://au.reachout.com/articles/signs-of-an-abusive-relationship" and go through some of the signs there. i'm not going to respond to all of them because there's SO MANY but i will choose a select few that should get my point across. 1. "They check on you all the time to see where you are, what you're doing and who you're with. They try to control where you go and who you see, and get angry if you don't do what they say." well, rafal does both of these things! he makes sophie a teacher so everyone can keep an eye on her, and he literally made a schedule for her so he'd know where she is at all times. 2. "They accuse you of being unfaithful or of flirting. They isolate you from family and friends, often by behaving rudely to them." rafal states on page 235 that sophie needs to kill tedros and agatha "or he'll know whose side she's really on". sounds like he's accusing her of being unfaithful (i know in the context of the article unfaithful means cheating but i'm using it in the way it applies). and i think threatening to kill them is definitely behaving rudely. 3. "They threaten to use violence against you, your family, friends or a pet." again, he's threatened to kill agatha and tedros/threatened her so she will kill them. pretty *horrible* to me!! 4. "They push, shove, hit or grab you." let's see! on page 231, rafal grabs sophie's hand so she'll show him her finger without her permission. that meets the criteria! 5. "They harm you, your pets or your family members." here i can use an example OTHER than rafal trying to kill tedros and agatha. remember when he allowed lady lesso to get stabbed? or dangled the coven over the brig? or allowed nicholas to get killed in the chaos of battle? those all sound like harmful things to me! not only is raphie super gross and downright pedophilic, but it's an //a*b*u*s*i*v*e// relationship as well! so that's why i don't ship raphie, folks. look out for my "reviewing sge ships" post coming soon on the otk forum >:)”

#rophie is gross #just let sophie be alone please none of the boys in the series are good for her #nicphie rights tbh #rafal is literally a demon #combat the rophies #sge

[ashintheairlikesnow]

casuistry (n.) - deceptive or excessively subtle reasoning

CW: Implied potential future dubcon/noncon, assault of a survivor, NOCON TOUCHING AND KISSING, trauma response, fucking creepy asshole being creepy to Chris, Creepy Pet Lib Guy gets his own warning, gaslighting/manipulative language towards a survivor with some victim blame-y stuff

For timeline reasons, I should note that Chris is approximately 18 when Creepy Pet Lib Guy happens and has been rescued/free for seven or eight months. Takes place after this short drabble. 

Tagging Chris’s crew: @burtlederp, @finder-of-rings, @endless-whump, @whumpfigure, @stxckfxck, @slaintetowhump, @astrobly, @newandfiguringitout, @doveotions, @pretty-face-breaker

He doesn’t like the feeling of Kyle’s hands over his stomach, but he smiles and pushes his hips forwards anyway. His shoulder blades press back into the wall, his head cocked just so to the side, letting a little hair fall over his eyes.

The smile doesn’t reach them.

It’s not part of training to have the smile reach your eyes. No one cares if it does. What matters is that your mouth moves just the way it’s supposed to, shows the things they want you to show, does the things they want you to do.

His heart pounds so hard it knocks the breath from his lungs, and maybe the glitter in his eyes looks like interest and not tears, because Kyle doesn’t stop. 

“I-I, I, I... I-I-I, I, I don’t-... I d-don’t-”

“Sssshhhh, yeah you do.” Kyle laughs, leaning in close, kissing his cheek almost tenderly. Chris shudders, eyes closing, letting his head tip back into the wall behind him. “I mean, look at you.”

“B-But I don’t-... don’t, um, don’t want-”

“Chris, if you didn’t want to, why did you come in the room with me?”

You told me to-

“It was your idea, after all, remember?”

Chris’s eyes open again, coppery-light eyebrows furrowing over wide green eyes, turning his head but Kyle is so close, his hands are overwhelming and Chris doesn’t want them where they’re going, but... “It... it was? But, but, but I thought you-you... you said-”

“You said,” Kyle says, with a slight insistence, just firm enough to crack apart Chris’s faltering, delicate attempts to assert himself. “You said let’s go somewhere private, remember?”

“No, I... I didn’t-”

False memories are common in human pets exposed to new environments-

“I didn’t say I wanted to,” Chris whispers, but Kyle looks so nice, smiling at him. Understanding, almost. Then his hands slips down under the waistband of Chris’s jeans and Chris jerks back, smacking his whole body into the wall behind him, shaking his head. “I didn’t, I didn’t say, I, I didn’t, I didn’t say-say I want, I didn’t, I didn’t say yes-”

Kyle has one arm snaked around behind his back in a heartbeat, kissing Chris’s objections away, burying them with a tongue in his mouth and his hand pushing more firmly under Chris’s pants between his legs. It feels good, and he hasn’t had this in so long, and he doesn’t want it at all but he’s supposed to because you have to want what your owner wants, you have to-

“I don’t want to,” He whispers again, when Kyle lets his mouth free. He can’t seem to speak any louder than that - he can’t get the air. His head is spinning from shallow inhales and panic and fear, sparking inside his mind. He wants to tap or to hit his head or rock or do something something something with all the fear inside him but he can’t move.

Statue boys are still. They only move in the ways they are allowed to.

“I, I, I didn’t say yes.” A tear slips down his cheek but Kyle doesn’t notice, he thinks, because his hand doesn’t stop moving and the other one doesn’t stop holding Chris still, pressed against him.

“You didn’t say no, either,” Kyle points out. “And this was your idea.”

“It wasn’t-”

“What else did you think was going to happen, Chris? When you flirted with me?” Kyle’s lips are on his neck, down to his shoulder, nudging the neckline of his shirt to the side to bite down hard where the fabric will hide it later. Chris’s hips buck forward instinctively into Kyle’s hand and he can’t breathe, he can’t breathe, he can’t think he can’t do this he can’t he doesn’t want to he wants to scream-

Statue boys don’t scream. They only make the sounds they have been taught to make.

“Please-” 

“Of course, baby,” Kyle says.

“Please no-”

Kyle pauses, his hand going still but he doesn’t move it. It lays heavy and horrible over Chris between his legs, under his jeans, pressed against skin that can’t stop responding because it’s skin that only remembers how to respond one way. 

His eyes catch Chris’s, and there’s a hard look in them, now. It’s a fake-soft expression, understanding and sweet, but Chris knows the look in those eyes. He’s seen it a dozen times or more before - the look of someone trying to seem reasonable but he’s not going to be reasonable for long.

I give you choices, 223499, don’t I? You can be good, or you can be hurt. Which are you going to choose?

“What did you say?” Kyle asks. His voice is gentle. But the handlers used to sound gentle, sometimes, too.

I give you choices, don’t I?

“I-I said-... I said, um, I said-”

I don’t want you to touch me.

“I said please,” Chris says, in a voice somewhere between whisper and whimper. Statue boys don’t say no - they only know how to say yes.

“Good.” Kyle smiles and kisses his cheek again, and his lips burn where they touch, hurt like a lit match held to his jaw, cheekbone, lips. “I wouldn’t want to do anything you didn’t want me to, Chris, but you seem pretty fucking into it, you know?”

“D-Do I?” Chris doesn’t know what it’s supposed to feel like. Is this it? Is everyone just scared, at first? He’s never been anything else. Does everyone else have to close their eyes and survive until it’s over, until their body turns on them again, until they hate every single inch of their skin?

Is that just... what it’s like?

How can Kauri do this on purpose so much, if he’s scared like this all the time? How do people ever want this, if all it does is burn his brain like a brand that says, you’ll always be made to spread your legs?

“Yeah,” Kyle murmurs. He shifts, pushing Chris hard into the wall, and pushes his way between Chris’s legs so their hips press hard together. Chris must make a sound, he can’t hear it over the static that is screaming in his brain for this to end, to be over. He must do something that eggs Kyle on, somehow, because Kyle laughs a little, sweet and loving and soft like Sir could laugh sometimes, and says in a low voice, “See? You fucking love this.”

I hate this I hate this I don’t want this I don’t want to do this it’s not my fault it’s not my fault I’ll be good don’t hurt me don’t hurt don’t don’t don’t don’t-

Chris blinks until the tear finds its way down his cheek, hitches in a breath, and opens his legs. “I’ll... be good,” he whispers. Slow and steady, each word chosen from the blur of his brain, dropped like a stone on the ground.

He relaxes the tension in his body all at once, slips into the space in his mind where things happen to him and he is there and not-there at once. His body will move and breathe and beg and Baldur is good for Sir, he has to be good, he hates it and he hates it and he hates it and he-

“Fuck yeah you will be.”

Statue boys are good boys-

There’s a noise, scraping shuffling footsteps, and then Kyle is wrenched back from him all at once, thrown violently back, and Chris drops to the floor in a crumpled heap, his tight black shirt under his t-shirt pulled up and his button and zipper undone to his jeans, looking up with blurry teary eyes to see a blur of black hair shoving Kyle off of him.

Kauri throws the punch and catches Kyle across the face, then drops his hand and curses, shaking it off, “Ow ow ow ow shit I don’t know how to punch-”

“Jesus Christ!” Kyle groans, putting a hand up over one eye. He’d unbuckled his own belt and undone his own jeans at some point - did Chris lose time, he loses time sometimes, when he has to be good - and he starts trying to hurriedly do it up despite the obvious difficulty. Chris pulls his own knees up nearly to his chin against the throb of heat he doesn’t want, hopes will go away soon. “What the fuck-”

“You piece of fucking shit, I knew you were up to something with him, I knew it! Get the fuck away from him!”

Kyle’s eyes move to Chris, and they’re cold the way Chris’s handler could be so cold. He flinches back from the expression, curling himself up even tighter. Fear and shame spiral, spark along the cage of his skin. He hates his stupid skin, hates all his fucking nerves, hates that he feels things he doesn’t want to feel and hates that he did something to make this happen. “I wasn’t up to anything. What, you can’t handle not being the one getting laid for ten fucking minutes, Kauri?”

Kauri’s eyes flare white around the edges, and suddenly Chris is more afraid of him than he is of Kyle’s disapproval and unhappiness. “What?”

“Like you don’t hit on everything that moves. What, you’re fucking jealous you weren’t the one getting all the attention for once? Besides, Chris is the one who asked me to come in here with him, you’re just the asshole interrupting what he wants.”

Kauri takes a breath, caught off-guard, turning to look at Chris. “Did you-... did you want to come in here, Chris?”

No. I said no. I tried to say no. I don’t remember how to say no they don’t let us say no we don’t know how to say no-

“I don’t know,” Chris whispers. “I don’t, don’t know, I don’t, I don’t know what-... I can’t... I don’t-don’t-don’t-”

Kauri turns back around, jaw set. “That’s a ‘no’, asshole. Leave him alone. Don’t talk to Chris again.”

Kyle spits on the floor somewhere off to the side, glaring at Chris until Kauri moves, putting himself directly between them, his own blue eyes furious and clear. “He’s not a fucking baby, Kauri. What, you get to fuck everything that moves but God forbid someone else does?”

“I don’t-... fuck off, this isn’t about who I-”

“Did they teach you to lead guys on in the Facility, when you took your Slut class?”

Kauri goes still. “My what class?”

“They teach you to be a tease when they were teaching you to spread your fucking legs at every bar in town?”

Kauri falters, then. Chris can see some of the angry strength bleed from him, replaced by something darker. Something like shame. Nearly numb. “Kyle, why the fuck are you here?” His voice is exhausted. Worn out, wearied. “If this is what you think of us-”

“I’m here to help the rescues who deserve help, but you don’t need help, do you?” Kyle spits again, and this time Kauri has to flinch aside not to get hit. “What you fucking assholes need is-”

“For assholes like you to walk out of this house before I rearrange your limbs in ways you will not enjoy.”

It’s not Jake.

It’s Nat.

Nat, arms crossed, no-nonsense brown braid, flannel over  t-shirt and jeans, the least intimidating person that Chris has ever seen standing like the paintings of angry goddesses in Sir’s mythology books in the open doorway. “Kyle, consider yourself no longer a part of this organization. And don’t bother to ask how much we heard, because right now you can just safely assume the answer is ‘all of it’. Get the fuck out of this house, forget its location, and I won’t make it worse for you trying to assault a trauma victim.”

Kyle snorts, furious anger warring with childlike embarrassment. A little boy caught coloring on the wall by his mother, only it wasn’t a wall, it was Chris’s body, and he wasn’t coloring, he was-

“I’m s-sorry, Nat,” Chris says, softly, after Kyle pushes past them and is gone, doors slamming until he’s out in the street. Gone, and all the tension in Chris collapses, pulled under the shame that breaks free in a sob. “I’m, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I-I forgot, I forgot how to, to stop it-”

“Sssshhhh.” Nat drops to her knees in front of him, and Chris catches the wince as her joints crack a little. She bundles him into her arms and pulls him close, and he tucks his head under her chin and shivers. “Don’t apologize. You’re not to blame, honey. I want to take you home, now. Can we go home? I sent Jake to get out car from the parking lot where we left it, okay? Do you want to go home?”

“I-I... I forgot-”

“I know, Chris.” There’s a pause, and Nat says softly, “I’m sorry we didn’t see it sooner, Kauri.”

“Yeah, well.” Kauri’s voice is gruff. Chris doesn’t look up to see the expression on his face. “I knew he was fucking with him, I knew it. Next time trust me, okay? When I say some guy is bad news? I suck at this for myself, but I can-... I can tell when they’re like that.” His voice went quieter. “I just cared less when it was me he was fucking with.”

Nat is silent for a beat. “He did this to you, too?”

Kauri laughs, bitterly. “I’m not Chris. It wasn’t the same.”

“Yes. It was.”

“I said yes, Nat-”

“Kauri, you and I both know that doesn’t always mean consent for you.”

“This isn’t about me, it’s about Chris! He was going to hurt him! I, I just, I know that look in his eyes-”

“I know you do. Because he hurt you, and he looked that way when he did it. Right?”

“Nat, I just told you, this isn’t fucking about me! It’s about not wanting Chris to get hurt!”

“You can be hurt, too, Kauri. You understand that, right?”

More silence, then a muttered string of cursing, a smack against the wall, shuffling steps. Whatever passes between them, when Chris opens his eyes, Kauri is gone. 

He looks around, a little frantically, but Nat soothes him, runs a hand through his hair. “Kauri decided to take the bus,” She says, gently. “He wanted some time to think. Come on, honey.”

“He’ll come... come home later, won’t he? Kauri will?” Chris looks up, and Nat looks away.

Her lips press together, as she looks in the direction Kauri went.

“I hope so.”

#whump #noncon tw #noncon touching #noncon kissing #dubcon tw #conditioned whumpee #trauma response #chris the strawberry blond romantic #erase to control #ptsd tw #victim blaming tw #degrading language tw #sexist language tw #box boy #box boy universe #box boy multiverse #gaslighting tw #assault tw #internalized victim-blaming #intimate whumper #creepy pet lib guy #fucking kyle #natalie yoder: here to help the rescues

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #481

Top Ten Pixar Villains

Those rascals and rapscallions at Pixar are famous for twisting our emotions, aren’t they? Perverse masters at making us cry with sadness or joy, often at the same time (I’m looking at you, Inside Out, with your yellow and blue marbles). Oh yes, they’ll stick the knife in and give it a good old yank, like John Travolta teaches his daughter to do in Face/Off when he’s not really John Travolta and it’s a bit icky but then she stabs him at the end of the film so it’s alright really.

Where was I?

Oh yeah. Pixar, renowned for turning grown men into blubbering messes, mostly because an adult character was convinced to part with old toys he no longer plays with. But I’d argue that one thing they’ve done less well than their parent studio (that’s Disney) is crafting iconic baddies. I mean, we all know the Disney Villains; they’re so iconic and successful as pop culture icons that there’s an entire trilogy of movies based on what would happen if a bunch of them had kids (apparently they’d sing a lot). Pixar baddies though? Hmmm, maybe not quite so iconic. I can’t see someone making a live action prequel movie about Chef Skinner.

But that’s not to say they’re not great; in fact, rather than going down the route of snarling, moustache-twirling villainy, Pixar actually does a great job in creating antagonists instead. Sometimes they’re misunderstood; sometimes they’re not the person you thought they were! Quite often some kind of redemption is offered, and the villains are very, very rarely dropped off something tall. A lot of them aren’t even defeated, so to speak! A good deal of nuance and shade goes into a Pixar villain, and if they haven’t made as many all-time-great iconic ne’er-do-wells, it does seem as if their approach is starting to rub off on Disney mothership (the likes of Frozen II and Moana either don’t have, or at least subvert, the notion of all-powerful bad guys).

So what do we have? Well, hopefully, we’ve got a list of really cool villains from Pixar movies. most of them are presented as the film’s “big bad”, although there are a couple of lesser baddies. And I think we do see the pattern emerging, of more mundane levels of villainy; the selfish and greedy and damaged. It makes for great characterisation and some beautiful storytelling; some complex and pitiable characters. And, yes, a few absolute bastards too. Let’s tut disapprovingly.

Lots-o’-Huggin’ Bear (Ned Beatty, Toy Story 3, 2010): a superb performance from Beatty as a seemingly nice, jovial old bear who’s really a manipulative, power-hungry, gaslighting bully. Realistically portrayed as damaged and bitter, he has a tragic backstory that feels real, and a sense of pain and loss that feels earned in this universe. Questions the nature of everything the movies are about, and is a genuine threat in more ways than one. Plus he literally leaves them all to die in the furnace!

Syndrome (Jason Lee, The Incredibles, 2004): Buddy Pine’s backstory is one of belittlement and rejection, so his switch to villainy is as well explored as many a comic book bad guy. But he’s interesting partly in what his character says about Mr. Incredible – in a way justifying the criticisms of superheroes, as Mr. I does ignore the admittedly-annoying Buddy rather than mentoring or respecting him – but also because he prefigures notions of toxic masculinity about a decade or so before they became, well, a threat to global democracy.

Al (Wayne Knight, Toy Story 2, 1999): Like how Lots-o can be seen as a dark examination of toy life (all toys are replaceable, kids don’t really love you, etc), Al also shows us another dark facet of toy-dom: namely the life of a “collectable”. Toys, in this world, want to be played with, preferably by children, so a big ol’ man-child who stores them in boxes or puts them on display is not ideal. It’s an inversion of what a toy is for; an object of joy reduced to a commodity. Is it entertainment versus art? Who can say? Also, he’s really just a massive jerk and a huge slob, so we feel no pity for him once he gets his comeuppance at the end of the film.

Sid Phillips (Erik von Detten, Toy Story, 1995): man, they nailed the Toy Story villains, didn’t they? Maybe there’s even more to come! But right out of the gate, Sid was a classic. An utter sadist in a skull t-shirt, torturing toys for kicks; adults can see the traits of a genuine sociopath (some serial killers start by torturing animals, remember!), and he’s portrayed like a character in a horror movie. Seriously, in 1995, Sid’s room was legitimately disturbing. I’m not sure what moral lessons his actions teach us, but just as a pure article of terror, he’s supreme.

Hopper (Kevin Spacey, A Bug’s Life, 1998): it feels a bit weird, if I’m honest, to celebrate a Spacey performance. But as a character, Hopper is excellent, one of the best things about the generally-overlooked-but-still-a-bit-lesser-Pixar Bug’s Life. Riffing on biker gangs, Hopper’s locust swarm in, revving their wings. Hopper’s a classic tough guy thug, dominating through violence and threat; a creature with a small amount of power determined to hold onto it, and ultimately eaten by a terrifying bird. Just don’t look at the cast list.

Ernesto de la Cruz (Benjamin Bratt, Coco, 2017): after the horror of Sid and the thuggery of Hopper, de la Cruz is a different, more insidious villain. He’s a thief and a betrayer who exploited and murdered his best friend, condemning him not just to death but to a forgotten obsolescence in the afterlife. He’s a perfect example of the gaslighting, friendly-seeming bad guy, more in the mould of Lots-o, but with the world on his side and a sweet guitar. Genuinely hissable.

Stinky Pete (Kelsey Grammar, Toy Story 2, 1999): what, more Toy Story? Well, yeah. Don’t blame me, blame Pixar. And so Stinky Pete; a far more relatable and understandable villain, one driven to desperation through a lifetime of rejection and broken promises. Unlike the Machiavellian, power-hungry Lots-o, Pete just wants everyone to retire quietly together; he can’t accept the risks of freedom and only becomes sneaky and, indeed, violent after all else fails. But he does kinda get a happy ending, even if he doesn’t realise it; this is a villain who I feel could eventually be redeemed.

Randall Boggs (Steve Buscemi, Monsters, Inc., 2001): Waternoose is the real baddy in Monsters, Inc., of course; a conniving capitalist who’s prepared to sacrifice the world’s children to keep his monopoly. But it’s Randy who sticks in the mind; his selfish, vain lackey, a monster with a huge chip on his shoulder. His design – lizard-like, snake-ish, with a huge mouth and invisibility – is seriously disturbing. Hearing Buscemi’s voice come from that form – an aggravated teacher, a furious accountant – adds something special, something darkly hilarious.

Evelyn Deavor (Catherine Keener, Incredibles 2, 2018): visually and conceptually, The Screenslaver (great name) is pretty cool, but when it’s revealed that the Big Bad is really under-appreciated tech genius Evelyn, that’s a great twist. A smart woman propping up her schmoozing brother, her criticisms of the heroes – like Buddy Pine’s – have resonance, although she’s learning the wrong lessons from tragedy. Her relationship with Elastigirl, from friendship to enmity, is very well-written and performed, and her belligerence at the end is a nice touch, denying the heroes of any catharsis from her capture.

Shelby Forthright (Fred Willard, WALL-E, 2008): I was originally going to feature the autopilot, but then I figured, if you can get Fred Willard in your list… and really, who’s the big villain here? It’s us, right? We killed the Earth. But Willard’s smiling, happy CEO is there, encouraging his customers to buy, promising them safety and security, promising them a repaired world… but really he’s shovelling them off the planet, secretly commanding the computer to take humanity far away and never look back. It’s a devious, horrible plan, giving the people unending luxury, making them want for nothing, turning them into fab, soporific blobs, basically because that’s easier than the alternative. It’s a horrible indictment of humanity (also: he’s the CEO of a company, but also – it looks like – that makes him rule the world? Creepy). So, yeah, the autopilot might be a baddun, but it’s the man in charge who’s the real villain of the piece, even hundreds of years later.

Sadly no room for John Lasseter, who may not have tried to enslave humanity or torture children, but still managed to be a huge jerk and a phenomenal disappointment.

#top ten #pixar #disney #villains #pixar villain #bad guy #movies #animation #toy story #incredibles #wall-e #monsters inc