#questioning is a valid thing and being in queer spaces are a great way to figure it out

[questioning-aspec-culture-is]

Questioning aspec culture is am I actually aspec at all, or am I just an allocishet who’s forced their way into queer spaces?

I’ve been feeling more of what I like to call Confusing Man Feeling #1 a lot more recently, and I really can’t tell if it’s attraction. I am unhappy with the idea of feeling attraction, tbh.

Idk what’s wrong with me.

<2

#questioning aspec culture is #ok before i do the rest of the tags just wanna say #anon i promise you that you are not forcing your way into queer spaces #questioning is a valid thing and being in queer spaces are a great way to figure it out #as long as you arent actively like hurting anyone you're not hurting us by existing #and even if it turns out you are allocishet #well at least now you know that and youve explored different aspects of yourself! #okay now back to your regularly scheduled tags #mod amaranth #<- bc i think i went on long enough for that lmao #attraction #lgbtqia+ #queer

[lacy-oh-lacy]

Coming out to Marvel Characters

A/N: Happy Pride! Reader's orientation/identity is ambiguous, as is your relationship with the characters :) Masterlist

Steve: Telling him is a little intimidating considering the time he’s from, but truthfully you could of told him back in the 30s and even then he would of accepted you -albeit with more anxiety over your safety. He’s open minded for his time, and he has in spades the kind of compassion you need after bearing your heart and soul like that. 

Tony: He’s a dickhead more often than not, but he gets that this is a rare time not to be. He’s quiet for a moment, processing, and then he’s nonchalant. He acknowledges what you said as sensitively as he can but he also doesn’t linger on it. He accepts who you are, but to him it’s not a moment to get sappy over, it’s as casual as he thinks lending someone basic human decency should be.

Thor: He forgets for a minute that this can be a big deal to earthlings, queerness as you call it is a lot more normalised on Asguard.Then he remembers, and trying to be supportive -albeit a little clumsily- he pats your back and commends the courage it must of taken to tell him, assuring you you have his wholehearted acceptance.

Natasha: Look, as perceptive as she is, there’s no way she hasn’t already known for months. She’s just been too respectful to say anything. When you do finally tell her she feigns just a bit of surprise for your benefit, then she’s very casual about the whole thing. She’s accepting but in a quiet way, she’s one to show her support subtly as it naturally comes up.

Wanda: She doesn’t have the most in depth lgbtqia+ education or anything but she wholeheartedly supports the community. So, between that and her being the compassionate person she is, she’s very easy to tell. She’s so understanding and sensitive to your feelings, and honestly she’s just really touched that you trusted her enough to tell her.

Peter P: It really does come as a surprise, just because he’s usually so preoccupied with his own secret that he doesn’t often think about what other people might be hiding. He adjusts right away though, he’s always considerate to your comfort and now is no exception. He’s so sweet, he’s just happy you told him and asking the most thoughtful questions.

Carol: Though she’s also from a more close-minded time, she’s a little less intimidating to tell. For one thing, she’s spent her life since then around a diverse range of space cultures, and for another, she kind of has her own… vibe. And yeah, you were right not to worry, she doesn’t exactly overreact but she’s very obvious in her support.

Bucky: He is surprised, but also curious. When you spend most your life in the 30s and the rest in captivity you don’t learn how to respond to someone coming out to you (at least not in a way he ever would) but he doesn’t do too bad, he clearly isn’t bothered. Actually you coming out sparks his interest in the matter and inspires him to educate himself on queerness in the 21st century.

Yelena: As another queer person, she thinks it’s great, her eyes actually light up as you tell her. Honestly, she’s kind of hoping that you have more experience with things like pride and community than she does because she could really use some guidance, but even if not it’s still nice just to know she has someone who’s like her in her life and hopes that you feel the same way.

Loki: He couldn’t be less fazed if you told him your star sign, frankly. He is quick though, he can see this is important to you. So, wanting you to feel validated he asks some polite follow up questions, he’s happy to let you vent if you want, he’ll even offer some insight as someone a lot more at home in his queer identity if you need it. Plus, the best thing about telling him is that he’s definitely down to …handle… any bigots you’re dealing with.

Valkyrie: She’ll drink to that. Really, she thinks it’s nice, she’s supportive without making a big deal out of it. Though she’s queer herself, she wouldn’t think to offer any advice on the matter because well… she’s kind of a mess, but if you need someone to talk to she’s not a bad listener.

Kate: Despite what an adorably awkward motormouth she can be at times, she’s actually pretty chill about this. She does rush to reassure you that she’s fine with it, especially if you seem nervous, but she’s otherwise relaxed and lets you do most of the talking. It’s not that big of a shock to her really, it’s not like she’s never met other queer people before.

Peter Q: To be for real, most of what her knows about queer people comes from outdated stereotypes, relics from his childhood, and there was probably a time when coming out to him really would of sucked because of that, but he’s matured a lot since then so he takes this in with an open mind and responds with surprising sensitivity and kindness, at least by his standards.

Gamora: She’s been through planets more or less accepting of queerness so she gets the gist, but with how shut-off she’s been you’re still the first (out) queer person she’s known well. You wouldn’t know that though, because she responds very calmly to you coming out and she’s very easy to talk to about it.

Drax: He does not get the big deal. He doesn’t even get what homophobia / transphobia is really, and yet he still manages to say something totally offensive (albeit completely unintentionally) when you come out to him -which he later apologises for. Of course he accepts you, it’s not even a question, and after that first slip up he does make it a point to try and be more respectful …to mixed results.

Groot: He is Groot.

Rocket: He’s not respectful per se, because he never is, but he takes it fine. With all the crazy stuff he’s seen, you’re really not making headlines. He doesn’t know how to communicate it, but he’s sympathetic to the more alienating parts of your experience, especially to bigotry you faced, and he’s the quickest to defend you if ever needed.

#marvel x reader #marvel imagine #gotg x reader #steve rodgers x reader #tony stark x reader #thor odinson x reader #bucky barnes x reader #peter parker x reader #loki laufesyon x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #carol danvers x reader #yelena belova x reader #valkyrie x reader #kate bishop x reader #peter quill x reader #gamora x reader #rocket raccoon x reader #pride

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

PoC and queer people, and queers of color are not out here being mad at everyone for no reason. Did you guys think it was just a group of cishet white men who probably don’t even watch the show? We have begged all these years for aid, but it’s dystopian-like to see you guys come together and pay over $21 thousand for a billboard within a few hours. The “charities” aren’t listed, and even then seeing fans tell the organizers use all the money for advertisements is horrifying to say the least. Even more so adding on the creator is a Zionist and antiBlack, which again White people arent gonna give a shit about as they continue to show so in all fandoms. It’s the people affected that calls this guy out, and y’all don’t listen. Do what you want, but stop diminishing our voices as the “angry crowd” have some damn compassion

CW: Racism, Anti-Semitism, Zionism, This is a save space ship so please do not read if you don't have the spoons because there's heavy shit in here today. ------ Hi friend! First of all, I want to say thank you so much for reaching out and giving me some more information! Personally, I don't think what you're being mad about is "for no reason". For me, that's not where the issue lies, and perhaps you could provide me with some further insight. So far, the only kinds of responses to this campaign that I've encountered that are negative have been "Taika is a Zionist", and I have not encountered that "queers of color " we're having a problem. Now, that could be that I just haven't seen them and now that my reach is out a little further it's coming up-- which is great, I want to have a conversation about it. I am newer to the fandom so it's possible I just haven't been around for a lot of this in the past, I admit that. I would be more than happy to hear more about what it is that "Queers of Color" have a problem with regarding the show.

------

In regards to "Even more so adding on the creator (I'm assuming you're referring to Taika here as opposed to David Jenkins?) is a Zionist and antiBlack, which again White people arent gonna give a shit about as they continue to show so in all fandoms."

So, I can see why you feel that way. I've heard a lot from many people of color who feel as if they aren't being considered in a lot of fandoms (not specifically this one but general scifi , fantasy, etc). I am white, so I know that no matter what my background is culturally, I cannot understand the full extent of what our friends of color go through so I try to amplify the voices of those people when they bring information to the table. I do think this fandom cares, and would love to hear more if you're willing to provide it.

My First Question is, where is the narrative coming from that Taika is AntiBlack? He's of Te Whānau-ā-Apanui, an indigenous person, with jewish heritage. I did some googling (yes I realise that's not the most efficient or accurate tool, but I did try to find independant sources). The thing that sticks out most to me is regarding the 2020 following the death of George Floyd. Here is one of the articles I referenced:

Taika's tweet was "Watch the whole thing. Eloquent. Clear. Everyone is angry but there is a way to direct that anger." in response to Killer Mike's message asking “not burn your own house down” and instead “fortify your own house.” and to "Plot, plan, strategize, and organize" as he said in the video.

Now, I see a lot of reactions from people of color specifically stating "don't police my anger" and that is a 100% valid take. No one should be telling you how to channel your anger when as a society you are being murdered and you have to fight back to survive. I do think that everyone still has a lot to learn.

I am going to give you a little background on myself (not to toot my own horn, but to provide a little perspective on how much we are still learning). I am whiteyest white person there is, like I go outside and my skin practically lights on fire from my irish/eastern european ancestry, but I also have a black biological grandmother from Guayana who had ancestry back to many years before when slaves were brought over during the Atlantic Slave Trade. So growing up, even though I was white, I thought I had it all figured out on racism because my grandma was black. The narratives taught in US schools were that "racism was in the past" because schools had been white washed, and I grew up in Northern Virginia, where it was supposed to be "multicultural center of the country" since we were so close to DC. Over time, I started finding out from friends of color and indigenous friends that they were still experiencing racism towards them. I never knew, because I wouldn't have, it wasn't faced towards me. And I knew some-- but I didn't know enough even then 15 years ago. Roll around to 2010-12ish, several things occurred that made "black face" become more prominent and I had more discussions with my friends about what kind of racism they dealt with in their day to day lives. I used to color my arms when I was a kid with a brown marker because I wanted to look like my grandma. I found out at the ripe old age of 24 that was basically black face for a lot of people and that it wasn't ok.

2020 came, and George Floyd, and Brianna Taylor, Stephan Clark, Botham Jean, Freddie Gray and so many others were murdered by police and white supremacist shitwads, and suddenly, not just me but so many more white people started to get the slightest inkling of just HOW BAD it really was for black people in this country. That was the year honestly I started to question the systems of our government, and all the racial inequalities that I THOUGHT I had understood before.

Our government, our society culturally has tried its best to sweep racial inequality under the rug, and pretend like "racism is gone" when we still have systems built on racism, that benefit from racist systems of the past. (This is why it's so important that we keep fighting against people who want to white wash history books in a lot of the southern states like FL and TX) Is that an excuse? Of course not. But I believe in change whole-heartedly, and while I am still ashamed of the vast ignorance I had for so many years, and worry about the ignorance I still don't know I'm ignorant of, I do try to be better. I am trying to take that shame and continue to learn and chip away at my ignorance not only through others but on my own. I am not asking for you to pity, or to forgive me or any other white person for that kind of ignorance, what I'm doing here is trying to make a safe space to share and so you can see that people can actively change. Is it enough? Probably not, but it's a start.

-- Now, All that to say, regarding Taika... that tweet from 2020, as I said, quite a lot of people (of all colors) had their eyes opened that year to some pretty systemic racist horrors, and if that is the tweet that sparked the idea that Taika is "Anti-Black" I think, while you don't have to forgive him, it would be something to consider that quite a lot of people were well intending during that time but did not fully comprehend exactly how bad it was. I would however, if you'd be willing to chat with me in DMs about it, or send another ask, like to hear more if there was more evidence of it somewhere I didn't see.

-------- In regards to Taika being a Zionist... which I have heard from others quoting the letter he signed asking for the release of hostages in Gaza. I'm including a link to a copy of the letter just so people can read it, I realize the hollywood reporter isn't an amazing source, but it has the letter included, so thats why. Once again, when that letter came out back in October, quite a lot of people didn't actually know what was going on in Gaza.

We all heard brief things in our day to day news feed, but just like how everything is on the internet right now, information isn't "complete" it's broken up in fragments and it takes a really long time to compile them. There is misinformation galore, and it's incredibly easy to not hear the entire story. I know in October, I was dealing with health issues and I was completely just not paying attention what was going on (we all have our lives and as much as I'd like to say we can all be omniscient and fully present for all things it's truly not a reasonable expectation of any human being nor should it be, the world is a very large place, and we should help where we can but there's a limitation on human ability).

In my opinion, as someone who has tried a lot of their life to "do the right thing" and made a lot of mistakes and tried to learn from them, that letter, and Taika signing it seemed like a "Good intentions" situation again, hoping that he could help in someway. Am I making excuses for him? No, I'm expressing my perspective. I'm not here to change your opinion on him, I'm here to express why fans are still fighting for this show. Do you have other resources regarding his support of zionism?

What concerns me though as a whole, is people throwing 'Zionist' around very liberally these days. I am not an expert on the situation and I don't claim to be. However, growing up in DC when 9/11 happened, I can tell you that labels like that can get dangerous very VERY quickly. Muslim families I grew up with had their windows shattered with bricks on the night of 9/11 (and labeled terrorists) despite being pillars in the community and never having hurt a soul.

Right now, Zionist is a word that is being used to label someone in a very intense way, and it invokes dangerous responses in people. I do believe we really need to make sure we are labeling these situations properly because those kinds of labels CAN and WILL get out of hand very quickly and get people hurt.

I'm going to link to this article from the Anne Frank house to define Zionism. I am also going to list this article from the American Jewish Committee regarding racism and anti-semitism. Once again I'm not an expert on the situation going on in Gaza, and I'm happy to hear more regarding it.

-----------

In regards to your comments on the charities: There are some charities listed in a few places, they just aren't all part of the advertising campaign one:

The main one for Rainbow Youth is here: The Renew As a Crew Fundraiser (not the advertising one) https://ry-community.raisely.com/renewasacrew/ **The Advertising Campaign / Charities**

You mentioned in your ask "even then seeing fans tell the organisers use all the money for advertisements is horrifying to say the least".

I can understand why that would be horrifying to someone who is feeling raw the way that you are. It's completely valid. I would like to offer up the perspective that some people are very invested in this show for their own reasons (some people have never felt represented in major networks) and they too are allowed to feel excited and say things that might be in their own best interest. We are all allowed those opinions, and I think the more we shame people for wanting something, the less discussion we're going to be able to have. That said, I think the @renewasacrew leadership team made a good decision to stick to their original $10K for advertising, and the rest going to charity because of the confusion. It does the most good, and still allows the original intent -- to show the world how much Our Flag Means Death means to many people.

In regards to which charities they are going to -- I had seen somewhere that they were going to a charity Samba and Vico Ortiz had chosen but I asked the leadership team on twitter and this is what they responded with (which I think is fair, they're trying to take their time to make a good decision with the help of everyone involved).

-------------------

I would also like to point out however, that we do have the ability to care about more than one thing at once. One thing that makes life worth living is the little things that make us smile. I have a lot of stuff at home that makes life rough, and my escape is this gay pirate show, and this beautiful, compassionate community that supports it.

We are allowed to have things that we love as well as the things we fight for. I do a lot of my activism on facebook and in person, I don't bring it to tumblr much because this is the safe space for a lot of people to dream and have dreams. It is important for everyone's mental health to step away from the realities of life sometimes (which I know some people like those in Gaza or Ukraine can't do) or else we all burn out and can't help anymore.

I hope this helps a bit in showing you we do care about queers of color, and we do want to know more how we can help, and we are willing to listen. There's a lot of compassion in this community, and I think a lot of people would be willing to talk about it if things are done in a safe space. I do apologize that you feel like we've "diminished" your voices, that was not the intention. If you would like to use that voice to provide more examples and your views I'm happy to listen. I do think we need to allow people to enjoy things too though, because life's not worth living otherwise. Nothing is perfect, but we continue to try and improve.

I would also like to recommend that if the OFMD fandom renewal campaign is bothering folks, please feel free to block us. We don't want to make anyone feel bad, but we also want to express ourselves in a healthy manner. Much love your way Anon.

#ofmd #our flag means death #asks #anon asks

[vidavalor]

Hello! Thank you for visiting. Armchairs and blankets and snacks are over there. *points* Stuff about my blog is here. Please read. Thank you. 💕

Hi there! Below please find some stuff about the content of my blog under the cut.

Feel free to say hi anytime, tag me in a post or to throw something into my Ask inbox thingamajig. I live for messages. As always, message me if you have any questions or comments.

You can find my masterlist pinned to my blog.

Content Info:

-I don't have an age rating on my blog as we all mature at different rates but I'd say some of the stuff is more adult than others. There is cursing and frequent discussions of sex. High school age or above should be fine here.

-Infrequently, a post may discuss characters who have a history of domestic and/or sexual abuse. All of these posts will contain individual trigger warnings so you will know before you read them and can make the choice as to whether or not that is something you would like to read.

-I don't TW posts for religious trauma in general because I write a lot about it (this is predominantly a Good Omens blog, after all...) but if the abuse veers into anything related to physical or sexual violence, anti-Semitism, racism, any type of queer-phobia or anything of any of those types of horrible natures, I will add a TW for it at the top of the post.

-This is queer-friendly space, as is a lot of Tumblr, thankfully. If you are a jerk to me or to anyone engaging with me here, you will be blocked and, depending on the situation, likely reported. In the words of David Lynch as Gordon Cole in Twin Peaks:

-I write a lot about Good Omens and some of what I write about is centered around analysis pertaining to Crowley & Aziraphale's relationship, which I see as being both romantic and sexual in nature and going back a long time. I believe that engaging with art means being open-minded and curious about how others see things. It does not mean demanding that my way is "the right" way and I don't expect everyone to agree with me.

I say this because Good Omens has a sizable fanbase that identifies as asexual and/or aromantic and for some people of that community, the idea of Crowley & Aziraphale as a sexual and/or romantic pairing is not appealing. My point is that if that is you, how you see this show is valid, too. We may disagree on some details on this one particular show but we do not disagree about how much there needs to be more overall representation of asexual and aromantic life in the arts. I have your back on that and if you would like to engage with me but are hesitant to do so because you see that I write a lot about a different kind of interpretation of Crowley & Aziraphale, please do not hesitate! I love seeing everyone's different ideas and creative works.

Thank you for reading & I hope you're having a great day. 💕

#ineffable husbands #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #good omens 2 #good omens meta #good omens theory #good omens s2 #crowley x aziraphale #ineffable husbands speak

[irenespring]

House MD Characters and Their Mentors

Oh look it's more of this very niche character analysis. This time I'm looking at which of @lorata's District Two Victors would be good mentors for House characters. House fans reading this: you would really like Lorata's writing. Only limited Hunger Games knowledge required (basically you need to know the premise); lots of messed up people making the best of things, found family shenanigans, emotional angst, and queerness.

Anyway, time for mentors!

James Wilson: Devon. The essence of a Devon tribute. Really wants to make the world better. Fairly messed up and depressed, but does genuinely care about the district, and even the kid he volunteers for. The one bit of really key information we are provided about Devon's tributes is that Devon's dreamers burn bright, but flame out as the reality of the Games shatters their world view. This reminds me a lot of how House says that "Wilson thinks that if he cares enough he'll never have to die" contrasted with Wilson's feelings of betrayal and devastation that he, a oncologist who gave his life to treating cancer, is dying of cancer. He served the Capitol, believed everything the Center told him, and the truth of the Games ---the pain and the guilt and the injustice of it all--- is a sudden betrayal that completely unbalances him. The only way he wins is through temporary Arena madness, the kind of desperation that caused him to double his dose of chemo in a last ditch effort to survive and make the world make sense again during canon. Devon's main challenge post-Arena is helping him rebuild his shattered sense of self: Wilson thought he was a good person, but you can only win the Hunger Games by being vicious. Devon, as someone who had a similar break, is the best choice to help him form a cohesive identity. Devon can see him for who he actually is, all of it, and still say he cares. Devon can cite his own struggles with accepting care without "enough work" in return to get Victor!Wilson to step back from compulsively ignoring his needs to "earn" affection. Devon can pull him out of spirals about how his mental state is worse than his brother's now and show him how there is a way forward. The Victory Tour almost kills him, all those people hate him even though he only ever did what was asked of him and what he thought was right. Along with Devon, there is probably only one other person who could help him embrace that he does not need to be perfect or liked by everyone, which brings us to...

Gregory House: Adessa. I went through multiple avenues with this one. First I thought Callista, because viciousness and unapologetic attitude. Then I thought Lyme, because abusive childhood, resentment of the rules, and attachment issues. So we had option A and option B...and we somehow landed around option L. I dismissed Callista because of the reasons I thought Lyme. I moved away from Lyme because she works best with tributes who want to open up but can't until after they win. Claudius wants a family, Misha wants affection, etc. House wouldn't want to open up--- he would want respect, validation, and someone to make everything make sense. The reasons Adessa wasn't a good fit for Nero would make her a great fit for Victor!House. Nero wanted to be told Adessa loves him, but House wouldn't trust any obvious display of affection---instead perceiving his mentor's care for him through nonverbal actions she takes: exactly what Adessa expected to be true of Nero. Adessa can make recovery and all the chaotic, swirling feelings fit within a reasonable framework. She can answer his questions and treat him like someone with a rational mind. She knows that if he opens up, he probably doesn't want to be touched. She understands why he doesn't want the cuddly relationship that Victor!Wilson would have with Devon. She wouldn't pressure him to talk about feelings before he was ready and would give him space when he was ready. She understands his intellectual curiosity. She's probably the only one who could get him to invest in therapy. He wouldn't go based on "I've been there" talks or "I care about you" talks, he would go because "after a significant trauma the logical course of action is to seek medical care, so that one can be assigned medications to regulate neurotransmitters, and to remove unwanted chaos so one can better focus on more important matters." Oh, and also if John House every showed up to take credit for shaping his son into a Victor, Adessa has a briefcase full of knives and decades of fantasizing about taking revenge on behalf of her Victors. They would find his body in pieces...probably. If Adessa was feeling nice and wanted Blythe to have closure.

Devon is terrified when Adessa requests a meeting with him. Misha asks him what he did like fifty times and he doesn't know. He almost calls his mentor, but doesn't because he's a mentor too now, dammit and Adessa totally shouldn't scare him anymore. When he shows up she opens with: "Our Victors appear to have significant romantic attraction to each other. Shall we hasten their union via jointly planned manipulation, culminating in an arranged one-on-one meal over candlelight, perhaps involving the exchange of flowers?"

Lisa Cuddy: Nero. This one is hard. Cuddy is a lot more difficult to analyze than House and Wilson even though I actually prefer her over House (Wilson is my favorite, he just has so many problems, weird habits, and hidden depression). She has a lot of contradictions. She's manipulative, but empathetic. She genuinely advocates for the rules, but allows for crazy ass things to take place. She seems to argue for the rules because she has to, but is inherently drawn to the more chaotic, vigilante tendencies of House. She puts on a show of obeying regulations set by those above her, but seeks power so that she can facilitate what she thinks is right (she repeatedly says she's the only one who would employ House). This is reflective of a Nero tribute. She doesn't know why she is drawn to violence and competition of the Centre, but she is. She completes her kill tests with the highest scores in her year, but she mainly only feels guilty for not feeling guilty. She doesn't have a rationalization for why she is like this the way someone with House's history has. She should want to join the Peacekeepers or be a medic. But the more time passes in the Centre, the more she wants to win the Hunger Games. She goes into the Games a year early, the youngest District Two volunteer in history, and even though she knows the killing is wrong she still wants to win because why shouldn't it be her? She's better at this than the others. However, the inner conflict causes problems post-Games, as the criticisms from other districts actually hurt her, because she agrees. She knows there's something wrong, she fears she might secretly be evil. Nero, with a lifetime of dealing with conflicted, crazy tributes, knows how to reassure her that even if that something is actually wrong, she still has people who love her.

Bonus! Ducklings:

Foreman: Brutus. He's just here to do his job. He knows he's better than his Centre rivals, so his job is the Games. Trying to make it right or wrong will only drive you crazy.

Chase: Lyme. Daddy issues, alcoholism in the family history, wants the authority to like him. Lots of weird hidden triggers.

Cameron: Emory. Wants to be a decent person, just kept going in the Centre because she figured no one would pick her and she owed it to her district to keep trying. She had a baby Victor crush on House and Adessa had to take Emory aside and be like "the baby is making my Victor uncomfortable, tell her to calm down."

Thirteen: Misha. Rules are for suckers, enjoy your life while you have it, desperately try to find meaning in the world while pretending you don't give a shit.

Kutner: Lyme. Wants to find a place to belong, shoves his emotional issues down because he thinks nobody cares. Thinks outside the box, but still responds well around authority he respects.

Taub: I have no fucking idea. Seriously, the more I try to think about this the more I have no thoughts, head empty. Maybe Odin? Odin has a "do what you're supposed to do no matter what, no matter the cost" ideology that would cause a mentor mismatch like Adessa and Nero but at least that mismatch is something.

Anyway if one (1) person requests a Victors!House/Wilson I will write scenes so you have been warned.

#house md #gregory house #james wilson #lisa cuddy #the ducklings #the hunger games #district two #lorataverse #we must be killers: tales from District Two #mentor meme #character analysis #like really niche character analysis #a longwinded piece of character analysis that will make no sense to anyone? me? you must be mistaken #but anyway I have Thoughts and I'm making it everyone else's problem

[redandfranticfeelings]

questioning being asexual and/or aromantic (or along the spectrum) on this site is hell but Not just for the obvious discourse reasons. but also because so much discussion of asexuality on this site seems to be framed around either appealing to allosexuals or putting them down rather than discussing the experience of just Being asexual / aromantic, and i get that because it's hard to discuss the Absence of a feeling without referencing the alienation you feel compared to everything around you.

but a lot of the jokes and memes (and this goes for the entire queer community on tumblr especially) boil down to this strange competitive attitude among sexualities, this belittlement of anybody who has a different experience, jokes about how ace people are better than others because they don't have sex, this overcompensation that forgets that, actually, most forms of sexual expression are already heavily scrutinized for the same core reason as asexuality (the push for heterosexual sex for the sake of procreation). posts agreeing with literal conservative talking points about censoring sexual expression (even inexplicit) at spaces that allow it because of their personal distaste. so much of the discussion reads like spiting romance and sex rather than spiting amatonormativity and finding joy in not having it yourself.

and then on the flip side, you'll have the discussions about the spectrum of asexuality, and how many ace people are okay with some things and not others, which is great! but sometimes it feels like talking about one experience invites people to assume you're excluding the other (this post explains it well), and as someone whose questioning stems from Genuinely Not Knowing What The Fuck Sexual Attraction Feels Like, i find it hard to find spaces actually describing it, rather people just explaining what it isn't. (there's a good chance i may experience sexual attraction but not arousal, but i only ever really see people defend the notion of having sex but not feeling attraction, not the other way around, but i genuinely don't know what constitutes sexual attraction, it just seems to Exist as a concept everyone is supposed to immediately recognize and distinguish from other forms of attraction!)

i think a lot of the chase for "validity" in the community makes it difficult for me to find resources on what it's like to just be ace rather than what it's like to argue with people about asexuality, because even bringing up these issues was difficult for me, and i spent over a year as a teenager going along with toxic exclusionary views i didn't fully believe because i had these concerns, but the only people voicing them were trying to exclude discussions about asexual oppression entirely. and i think it's worth having these discussions in a fair way, and maybe people are and i just don't see enough of it. even when trying to ask about things that genuinely confuse me, things i might recognize in myself if i could have some questions answered, people assume hostility and/or just give a cyclic explanation.

idk i just want to feel like it's possible to be asexual and be comfortable with the prospect of never having sex while also not caring about whether other people would rather have sex or not. because the whole point of this fight should be that sex should be a morally neutral act.

#idk if this is worth tagging lmao. #do not tag as dscourse though. it is not dscourse. #it is not bad faith i am just genuinely confused #and talking about sex and sexuality in relation to myself feels foreign for a multitude of reason #id gladly have a good faith convo about this bc im confused #and i just really want to understand things but i always just get hit with cyclic explanations

[bucksdaffy]

this is the same anon who sent the flirting question, thank you for answering with kindness in respect! there's a lot less of that going on in this fandom than i'm used to. i will say, we have different interpretations of the scenes and also the characters, but similar opinions about some things which is nice. i definitely don't need buddie to be canon for me to enjoy the ship, but i do think it would be a it would be a great oppurtunity to see a queer slow burn on mainstream media that hadn't originally intended to start out that way. i've thought that since i started watching in s4, but i never thought we might actually get it.

i think for the flirting, and you can totally have platonic friendly banter! i just never interpreted their scenes that way, and the way buck and tommy were together kind of sealed that for me. if that makes sense? i get what you mean about it not being canon, but isn't the same true for it not being not canon? in the sense that buck didn't know he was bi until ep4 and so if he was flirting with eddie in some scenes, it could have been unintentional. in highschool i did that, and i didn't figure it out until months later that i'd been very clearly flirting with this girl (my best friend pointed it out to me, i was oblivious lol)

sorry this got so long, i spent some not great time looking through 911twt and awful stuff is being said on both sides (firmly in the multi shipping, i think a bucktommy endgame could be so cute if they did it right) so i hope this translates as kind as yours did!

yeah, it's nice to have a civil conversation with someone who doesn't necessarily think the way you do. it should honestly be the standard. and it's sad people on both sides can be so vile. sometimes it's just better to avoid such spaces altogether for the sake of our well-being.

i'm of the opinion that if the writers do decide to take buck and eddie down that road eventually, and they do it right, i definitely won't mind them dating each other (although i would, personally, see the story as much less valuable than what they are trying to showcase now). so it's not like i'm totally opposed to the idea, because i saw what many buddie shippers see when i was watching s2 (although, in hindsight, i do think that what i saw back then was only bi buck; eddie, unfortunately, never gave me any queer vibes, so i'd need A LOT of convincing from the show itself to believe that putting buck and eddie together wasn't forced). but i believe that later on they did a pretty good job establishing that their bond is, in fact, very much platonic, and that's why at the moment romantic buddie doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

i also think it could have been a good opportunity to see a queer romantic slow burn in mainstream media, actually. however, i don't think buddie necessarily falls into that category (anymore). i'd definitely be of different opinion if the show consistently gave us hints of any attraction or hidden feelings that you don't have to try to see, but i'm sad to say none of their scenes in the later seasons provided me with that. i saw someone say something along the lines of "for a slow burn to happen, there has to be something burning, and buddie might be on the stove, but the heat is just not turned on". and honestly, i couldn't agree more.

when it comes to the kitchen scene, i do think your interpretation makes sense. if you think there IS something between buck and eddie, that interaction would definitely be one of the reasons someone could argue they are right. and i think it's a valid argument, especially after we saw how buck behaved when tommy visited him in the loft, because at the end of the day, you're right – buck was being playful with both of them. so, it's not like i'm totally baffled by your interpretation of the scene and think it's completely out of the blue. it's not.

and you're right about it not being not canon. that is why i try to emphasize that this is where we are at the moment, because everything can change in a matter of seconds. but given the current status of buck and eddie's bond, which the show highlights as being very much platonic, i'd say it is far more likely that the interactions between them are and have always been canonically platonic rather than romantic. the fact that right now they are just friends in canon supports the view that their early interactions were always platonic far more than it supports the view that they were romantic in nature. buck being confirmed as bi makes this a more likely possibility, but since eddie is still canonically straight, it's hard to make a case on both fronts. but, again, it can all change with just one moment, the same way it happened with buck's sexuality. yes, he has always been bisexual, but canonically, there was no valid reason to assume that buck is anything other than straight before 7x04. does that make sense?

so yeah, ultimately we can't say something is 100% canon or 100% not canon if it was not addressed in the show. but we can assume the more likely possibility based on how the events play out, and that's why i insist canon supports only the platonic view of their interactions right now.

but as i said, i do respect your perspective, and i think it has a potential to be canon in the future, should the show take that route.

#anon 🫶🏼 #platonic buck and eddie #bucktommy

[geminicollisionworks]

Question! I’m having a moment of lost in fandom Life with Althaar and I forgot what characters are canonically queer, would y’all be able to tell me which ones are? I think John B was bi but I can’t remember is that was my own HC

Thank you amazing creators!!

No problem and thank YOU! Pardon the excessive answer but I wanted a few things clear and public...

John B is definitely bi, as has been obliquely yet firmly acknowledged a couple of times -- though Berit has some opinions on the accuracy of that or any other defined label in the landscape of Althaar. I think the only other character whose sexuality has been clearly mentioned as non-het was the odious Beaux Several -- but that's a bit complicated as while they chose to present as a cis male Human on the Fairgrounds, "he" was an alien shapeshifter, whose gender/sexuality probably can't be defined in our current terms. There are other background mentions -- the mothers of sisters Amber on the Bridge? and Ashlee! in Hydroponics; John B's friend who joined a polycule of farmers...

So... why not more?

Well, as far as we're concerned, there are more than what has, and will ever, be confirmed in the show. As Berit says, "we will NEVER make any character in the show canonically straight." And we have a hard time believing that most of our characters on the Fairgrounds -- those who have any interest in romance or sexuality -- have not been involved in non-het, hell, non-same-species affairs. As Berit puts it, "in a world where alienfucking is a thing, what specific flavors of Human anyone is into is hardly worthy of comment." Even the definitely "provincial" John B (as H.F. pretty accurately calls him) is not cishet, or hung-up.

The Althaariverse and Fairgrounds are very clearly by no means a Utopia. Great Jones, no! However, there are some happy advances on where Humans stand in the 21st Century, and the fading away of just about any sense of sex/gender binary or labelling of any kind is one of those. The irony being that as it is no longer worth mentioning to the characters, it doesn't get mentioned on the show. But we know. And we hope you do too.

One of the glories of the audio medium is in leaving space for the audience's minds to wander and finish the creation in their own ways. To do that, we can be specific in our minds but ambiguous in the show, so that even when things are unspoken, they are consistent. There's lots we know that will never come out on the show -- why Althaar chose masculine pronouns to refer to himself (a definite, not-entirely-informed choice, equally accurate and not); which two regular characters had a brief "offscreen" relationship that NO ONE would ever mention, least of all them, but still effects how they are written and played. And we aren't being coy or planning on pulling some kind of "[character] was GAY all the time!" retcon bullshit later on. We just prefer to build the world this way -- there's Canon, there's Lore, and there's Flavor; Life With Althaar works most of all to be flavorful.

Berit -- the Queer member of our partnership and marriage -- notes that they basically have an internal subroutine going in their head when they do the last edit of each script: "how can I de-heterosexualize this? and does this have to be a dude?" I (Ian), the big ol' cishet white guy in the marriage, who worries about whether he's doing enough for representation, keeps dropping in really obvious diversity mentions that Berit removes in the edit, saying (accurately) that I'm dragging it in by the ass and no one would actually bring these things up realistically in the dialogue of the Althaariverse.

So in the end, the real final cut is your individual headcanon, which is, as audience for Althaar, about as valid as our own. And we love to see the variants that others bring to it. Enjoy our creation; enjoy your own that spring from it.

#life with althaar #gemini collisionworks #audio drama #podcast #sitcom #science fiction #answers

[caatws]

I want to thank you for explaining why the way Gamora's role was written contributes to her erasure. I think there can be a misconception that saying the writing didn't do enough for her is just complaining about her but that's not the case. She's an awesome character who was played perfectly by Zoe, but her story wasn't fleshed out and the aftermath of her death for nearly everyone but Peter was ignored and that's hurting her character. There's a difference between someone saying "it's very obvious Gamora was Groot's mom why didn't vol 3 explore what her being gone was like for him as that's really important and she deserved that recognition" vs "Nobody ever cared about Gamora and she and Groot never had a bond that's why they don't interact more". Some fans of Gamora have been talking about the first example because it's part of what was needed for stronger writing and because the lack of those details is contributing to many other people spewing the second example and clearly how vol 3 handled Gamora is leading to exclusions from merchandising.

There's also an issue where things directly related to her aren't being connected to 2014 Gamora or attributed to 2018 Gamora. Gamora was an abuse victim and her experience with Thanos could have been used as a way to have her story mesh with Rocket's and that never happens. This isn't great when you have people who since IW have been trying to pretend Thanos did nothing wrong. Peter is the only one to mention Gamora's role in creating the guardians. This isn't great when some people want to pretend she had no part in it or it was only Peter or the others who were heroes.

Also it may seem trivial to be upset that Gamora getting to talk about future plans or goals doesn't happen but it's another thing that distances her from all the other characters. A couple people have mentioned how Nebula saying she wants to help the saved children at the end of vol 3 is like the conversation Gamora has with her in vol 2. It was Gamora who said there are little girls like them who need saving and they could do that. Gamora wanted to do that work and Nebula wanted to kill Thanos. This doesn't mean Nebula can't take care of those kids but the issue is it's yet another thing in a long list of things where Gamora's values, relationships and heroism is diminished instead of being amplified. The movie could have had Gamora say that she now wants to go help more kids. It could have had Nebula speak about her conversation with Gamora from vol 2. Anything to bring attention to the benefits of Gamora's relationship with Nebula and the fact that Gamora had always believed in the potential to help other people. There are way too many missed opportunities and maybe this is all unintentional or maybe there's been a lot of good intentions that aren't being understood, but either way the result is Gamora being sidelined, losing her association with the guardians and the fact that the heart of who she is runs through the entire franchise isnt getting acknowledged.

yeahhh exactly, like these are all valid criticisms of the creative decisions made for her character and story...and since this all exists within the greater framework of the mcu franchise, it's also more than fair for us to look at how less cohesive these decisions post-endgame have made the gotg franchise as a whole !

like this isn't hating just to be a hater. it's perfectly normal to disagree with and be disappointed and upset by the way your favorite character is handled in canon, especially when it contradicts previous canon. and when the character in question is female or poc or queer, then we deserve the space to discuss how these kinds of decisions or this kind of treatment can be just a huge step backward and slap in the face for the representation that character provides

#ask #the gamora situation

[raccoonhour]

Last night, after a cheerful party, I drunkenly cried and cried and cried. I sat on the floor of my shower and sobbed.

At the party, I saw some old and new friends, who reminded me what it feels like to be understood in my queer experience. People that I can just say something about being bi (or poly probably), and it’s just normal - no surprise, no questions, just understanding my experience. I felt so whole. Earlier that evening, i causally mentioned to a friend in a story that “me and [boyfriends name] are open. She circled back to it like “wait what I didn’t know that????”. All surprise and no “good for you doing what is best for you!” This same friend, who I’ve knows for 10+ years, but doesn’t know me super deep, did a double take a year ago when I slipped in in a convo “one time on a date with a girl”. She didn’t ask any questions, but I could see she was so thrown off that I said I dated a woman. It’s nothing against her or how she reacted - I get it, it’s new info, and it can be surprising. And maybe she thought I would have “come out” to her.

So after the party, I was talking with my boyfriend about it all. (He was great and understanding and validating). But damn I started to get so sad. I had these stark experiences of feeling so seen by my queer friends, and my straight friend being so surprised by WHO I AM.

It made me feel lonely. It made me feel not queer. It made me sob over my (and many others) bisexual experience. I desperately want to be seen and accepted as who I fully am. I want to date a woman, be in love with a woman. I want to be seen as a woman who loves women. I want ppl to stop assuming I’m straight bc I’ve had 2 long term boyfriends. I want the world to understand and REMIND ME that I AM queer even though I’ve never romantically loved a woman. I want to live in a world where I don’t have to come out or have ppl assume I’m straight.

I’ve never formally come out. I just say whatever I want to say and ppl can interpret it. I’ll say to any friend “that woman’s so hot” or mention my woman celeb crush or mention I dated/slept with a woman. Pisses me off that it surprises people. I want them to go “that makes sense. I see you in your queerness, and it is you”, or I want ppl to just not assume anyone’s straight. (I’m guilty of that).

I know a bigger part than I’d like to admit of why I haven’t formally come out is biphobia/erasure, internal and external. I don’t want to have to deal with ppl not getting it bc I’ve only been in relationships with men. I don’t want the confused questions. I don’t want to have to explain that the times I’ve dated women have been while I’ve been with my boyfriend, and have to explain poly too. I don’t want to deal with peoples reactions.

But damn, I want to be seen.

I also hold so much guilt - I KNOW I’m queer and I can be loud and proud and claim it (even tho I have to remind myself a lot), but it still feels wrong to “come out” and be super open when I’ve never been in a relationship with a woman. I feel like a fraud all the time (I try and challenge it). I don’t want to take the space from people in gay relationships. That’s the bi erasure, I feel like I can’t claim my space in it. But I try. I do, in my ways.

I think right now my approach is to just be me and say and share all gay things I want, and those who get it, get it. It feels really good to been seen as queer by other queer ppl, who are usually the ppl who pick up my cues. But that means most ppl just skate past it and see me as a loud ally. I want to be seen by them too tho.

And I don’t want it to be a surprise. And i want them to say something nice to me after I divulge!

I know I slipped in that I’m gay and poly to my friend, but I think it really hurt my feelings that it wasn’t met with warmth. I know she’s just trying to play it cool bc I slipped it in and she didn’t know if I wanted to talk about it maybe. But I just came out to you. It obviously is not something I shout about. I wanted more tenderness.

So I cried and cried and cried. I hadn’t done that in a while. I remember last time I cried like that over sexuality was when I dated my ex bf of 4 years, and I so desperately wanted to explore my bisexuality. I didn’t know if I was gay at that time. And I felt like I’d never get to “find out” and explore (ik u don’t need to explore to know, but I wanted to). And eventually we broke up and I slept with my best friend, and grew to really know I was bi. And now with my current bf of 5 years, I know who I am. We are open, I have very causally dated women. I even could fall in love with a woman, even tho I don’t think I will (while being poly). I can’t imagine being fully out as poly, that’s so much bullshit to deal with. I crave having the experience of being in love and in a relationship with woman (as my primary relationship, not while with my bf). Being out and proud and seen as who I am by the world. I hate that I can’t have that, without breaking up with my boyfriend. I wish I could live both lives. Or I wish I dated a woman in the past and had that experience already. I feel much more sure in myself than with my ex, I can tell that I’m not “secretly way more into women and actually don’t want to be with a man” and that I do love and want to be with my bf. I just mourn that I can’t have both. That I never got to be in love with a woman. That I don’t get to grow old with one. It’s confusing to feel so sad about this, makes me question if I’m unhappy in my relationship and am just too scared to break up. But that’s not it. I’m just sad I don’t get it all. Even if I were single, there is no guarantee I’d fall in love with a women, it’s hard to fall in love, and you don’t fully chose. When I was single last time I ended up falling in love with a man again (granted I was not looking to date women at that time), and lots of bi women I know date more men. I know I can love men and women. I know I want to be with my bf, I know it’s not a “deal breaker” that I’ve never loved a woman, and it’s not something that I have to experience. It’s just life. You miss out on things when you choose one thing.

But I just desperately want to be seen and experience all that I am. But that’s not the world we live in, and that’s not realistic.

What I do have control over - finding more queer community and investing in friendships. Exploring romance with women within my open relationship. Choosing to share more of who I am with the world.

And sigh, even rereading this I get a knee jerk reaction of feeling silly, silly that this matters so much to me. Silly that it upsets me that I am not seen as queer when I’m getting all the privileges of being straight passing. Guilty that i want to be more oppressed?? Silly that reading queer books and watching shows wreck me so much bc I care so much. I know that’s all judgement and I should let myself feel what I feel without shame. But still. It’s hard.

#queer #bisexaul #bi agenda #biphobia #bi erasure #poly relationship #polyamory #gay #queer community #makes me think of my fav queer content #young royals #the sex lives of college girls #heartstopper #carry on #the half of it

[jarredlharris]

Live-threading my thoughts while listening to Meghan and Cortland talk about why people deconstruct.

The following is the compilation of a live-thread I did while listening to episode 092 of the Thereafter Podcast.

What's almost as fun as listening to @thepursuinglife and @cortlandcoffey ramble on the latest episodes of @thereafterpodcast? Listening to me ramble while I listen to them. Let's do this!

Yay! @thepursuinglife mentioned my position that deconstructing in order to have sex is valid on the show! @thereafterpodcast

.@cortlandcoffey points out that people leaving evangelicalism is not a one-time event, but something that continues to this day. @thereafterpodcast

.@thepursuinglife points out that a single individual may have different "seasons" of deconstruction. A great point. @thereafterpodcast

I didn't realize @cortlandcoffey had followed the Baptist to charismatic to deconstructed pipeline. Solidarity! @thereafterpodcast

.@cortlandcoffey is once more stressing the essential point that deconstruction and those who go through it are not a monolith. @thereafterpodcast

.@cortlandcoffey admits that he likes to have a cause and tends to be radical. I don't think there's anything inherently wrong to that, but it's probably a good thing to be aware of. @thereafterpodcast

.@cortlandcoffey and @thepursuinglife are talking about how a lot of the things people in deconstruction are talking about are not new ideas. This is an important point. @thereafterpodcast

.@thepursuinglife wants to explore some of the "first threads" that people start to "pull on" that tends to lead to deconstruction. @thereafterpodcast

.@cortlandcoffey says one of his "first threads" was accepting that other kinds of Christians were still Christians. @thereafterpodcast

Really, @cortlandcoffey? You had an issue with METHODISTS? 🤣 @thereafterpodcast

.@thepursuinglife says that queer acceptance and questioning purity culture were her first threads. @thereafterpodcast

.@thepursuinglife mentioned "Jesus and John Wayne," which I'm currently reading. @thereafterpodcast

.@thepursuinglife is dragging the "it's okay to be gay as long as you do it like the straight people" respectability politics of The Reformation Project and I'm here for it. @thereafterpodcast

They're talking about how evangelicals like to pretend that their racism problems are a thing of the past. You know, expect how CRT and "wokeism" are still treated as boogeymen in many evangelical churches. @thereafterpodcast

.@cortlandcoffey is talking about current day ex-gays. One of the things I find funny is the number of "ex-gays" I've run across who are in their early twenties or even younger presenting themselves as "success stories." Come talk to me in a decade or two, honey. We'll see where you are then. @thereafterpodcast

.@cortlandcoffey is calling for a large and diverse number of experiences being described/shared. Good stuff. @thereafterpodcast

.@thepursuinglife is talking about how certain roots of purity culture goes clear back to pre-Civil War times and has links to slavery and racism. Something that isn't always brought up. @thereafterpodcast

.@cortlandcoffey points out that for those of us who left Christianity, it's usually because of more reasons than being hurt. After all, he notes, we get hurt EVERYWHERE. And yet in other spaces, we stick it out. @thereafterpodcast

For me, one of my "issues" witch Christianity is that I personally find congregational worship a terrible way to connect with the Dvine. (YMMV) @thereafterpodcast

Yes, I sent in an audio message. I hope it encourages others to do the same thing. @thereafterpodcast

Yes! They are planning on interacting with the virtual attendees during the Content Warning event. I had assumed/hope so, but hadn't gotten that confirmed until now. @thereafterpodcast

Another great episode! @thereafterpodcast

#live posting #Thereafter Podcast #deconstruction podcasts #Spotify

[themomsandthecity]

How Do I Deal With My In-Laws Undermining Me as a Mom During the Holidays?

We know that every holiday season, parents have lots of questions - whether it's how to deal with stress-inducing in-laws or ways to keep their kids healthy. That's why, this year, we tapped four advice columnists and experts to help us. Enter: The Holiday Nightline, where we're answering your most burning questions about parenting during the holidays. Keep reading for a Q&A advice column from Lotte Jeffs, a journalist and author of "The Queer Parent (Everything You Need to Know From Gay to Ze)." --- Dear Lotte, I'm the non-biological mother to our newborn daughter, and we're spending Christmas with my wife's family. They treat me more as the nanny, or a helpful friend, rather than an equal mother to their grandchild. When she was born, they didn't address their cards or presents to me, and they'd often say "go to Mommy" when passing the baby to my wife, but "go to Sara" when passing her to me. I feel so undermined as a parent. How can I survive five days under their roof? - Undermined Mom Dear Undermined Mom, Five days! Well, firstly, never forget the rule of three - this is the optimum amount of days any adult should spend with their parents or in-laws in one another's homes, particularly at emotionally fraught times such as the holiday season (if you're in a neutral space such as a hotel or rented cottage, I'd extend the rule to a week). Regardless of your individual situation, being around extended family in their home is always hard work. They'll have their ingrained ways of doing things, and you'll have yours. Everyone will crave some moments of peace, and long-standing family issues often bubble up during this time, like Mount Vesuvius just waiting for the next eruption. Now add into the mix that you and your wife are new parents and are, I imagine, majorly sleep-deprived (aka most likely short-tempered, irritable, and emotional). You'll also be reckoning with the huge shift in selfhood that happens when becoming a parent, and as you are the "non-gestational mother" to your daughter as I am to my now 5-year-old, you haven't experienced nine months of physical changes and birth to perhaps slowly come to terms with your new role as a parent. Instead, it's all happening now, and it's only natural that you have some insecurities about your identity in that process. I think it's really important that you get comfortable and confident in yourself as a mother first. That way, you'll have a really solid anchor and a steadfast belief in the incredibly important part you'll play in raising your child - so that nothing anyone else says, or doesn't say, will be able to chip away at that. Soon enough, everyone will see you as the mother you are. Something I found really helpful in my own journey was learning that, according to biological anthropologist and professor Sarah Blaffer Hrdy, a parent who did not give birth to their child can still be considered a "biological" parent because of all the hormonal and neurological changes that take place in the body of anyone intimately caring for a baby. According to various studies and to Hrdy, there is a similar rise in oxytocin, the "bonding hormone," when you compare birth parents with the other parent. I've now stopped calling myself the "other" or "non-biological" mother, because these terms define me by what I am not instead of celebrating all that I am as an equal parent. So in the time between now and the holidays, I'd work on validating yourself as a mother. Do this by speaking to other queer parents; perhaps there's a WhatsApp or Facebook group you could join where people share their experiences. Might I also suggest reading my book, "The Queer Parent (Everything You Need to Know From Gay to Ze)," which is full of great advice and stories from other LGBTQIA+ parents? You're not alone! Related: How Can I Keep My Kids Healthy During the Holiday Season? Also, spend some quality time with your daughter, just the two of you.… https://www.popsugar.com/family/holiday-nightline-queer-parenting-49309036?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

[0xo]

ughhhhh long rant incoming

gender feelings as a two spirit Indigenous person who's reconnecting are just.,, it's something. i am doing my best. i don't really have anyone nearby irl to talk to about this really bc like. my family situation is complicated. i know who i come from and i have ppl to talk to about it and yes it is very community based but i also feel very alone sometimes. bc most everyone immediately around me irl is white or not Indigenous and like, they're cool, love my friends, but... like... there's things you don't and shouldn't share with outsiders. and im so young that it's not my place to share at all really, im not an educator, im still learning every day. but it's kind of hard to not even really be able to explain this stuff to my wife/girlfriend/close friends. and i don't really like to be that open on the internet abt specifically being two spirit bc it opens up Assumptions and Questions from strangers about shit that really is not their business at all.

it's weird! i can say that i enjoy keeping my hair in the way i do, a style mostly associated with men in my tribe, it feels good. to rest in that masculinity. i really hate ppl trying to assign me as femme or butch when like... mmm... any masculinity or femininity i have is squarely outside of what most people around me can even conceptualize. my gender is so entangled with my spirituality that it's almost pointless to try explaining it to ppl who aren't already knowledgeable. and i find a lot of comfort in seeing two spirit people talk online openly, and then i feel like a coward for not being able to do that. but im not... like... a spokesperson or representative for my people, i am not qualified for it and i honestly just don't want to be. i just want to exist. but maybe exist in a space with other people Like Me. because as awesome as my trans friends are i still feel outside.

i don't even really know how to go abt finding two spirit ppl in my area to connect with and it's nerve-wracking to even approach bc so many ppl don't mask anymore and that's a whole other issue. i guess i just feel isolated on the whole and like. online connection has been great but. i want more people in my physical life who understand queerness through an Indigenous lens and are also considerate of physical disability and that just feels like asking toooooo much.

idk just in a weird spot. i don't talk about it a ton. everyone assumes i'm white bc like, i am, i am racialized that way and i know that and that's fine. highly aware of the privilege that comes with that and how i gotta be careful. but it also leaves me very little room to talk about my actual experiences and life and My Actual Gender Identity, without people getting way too invasive or just straight up racist / on some high horse about blood quantum / bullshit bullshit bullshit. so much bullshit.

i know it's not even a fraction as bad as what other ppl deal with, i know. and i will always stick up for other Indigenous people, especially Black Indigenous people who have their "validity" as Indigenous people questioned. bc it's all just a white supremacist way to disconnect us from our family and our heritage and our traditions. Indigenous is Indigenous is Indigenous and i know that.

just struggling a bit to find where i fit in with a local community. i hate feeling like i have to give up such an innate part of myself to participate in my local queer scene without being questioned/hounded 24/7 by (mostly white, 99.99% non-Indigenous) people. like please god quit treating me weirdly or like im some unerring fount of mystical knowledge, it's not For You, im really very tired of it. im so tired.

[silly-mode-cilia]

gender rant

If you read this you read the whole damn thing. I think it’s a good read so I recommend but you don’t have to, but again, whole damn thing.

i wish people stopped assuming I'm trans just because I use she/he. Yes I am cis, yes I am also genderfluid and genderqueer. I've thought about it a LOT and reached this conclusion when I first started using she/he over a year ago (nearly two years now I think?), always told myself if i stopped resonating with being cis that’s okay, and it hasn't changed. And that doesn't make me less valid!! People keep saying pronouns don't equal gender, so fucking act like it for fucks sake.

I fully identify with my assigned gender at birth, as a woman (in some fucking variation), and for people to assume I don't after hearing my pronouns is /understandable/ but not everyone who seems like they /could/ fall under the trans umbrella feels like that works for them. Just because I am also some guy, at times, does not mean I'm not a woman. My gender and sexuality intersect so much and for me to try and simplify that is just. Here is the simplified version: somedays, gender is butch dyke. somedays, gay dude. Somedays bisexual and bigender. Somedays even straight girl! Somedays I don’t know! Everyday I am bi, regardless of the gender. And there are infinite fucking possibilities which is why genderfluid and genderqueer are my fucking beloveds.

Just when I have to keep going "haha I'm cis actually" and remind people,, like I love being around so many queer people and love my friends so much but I really don't want people to have this perception of me as trans. Because I'm not, and I don't know what that's like. Even people who've known me for ages, I don't think anyone gets it at all. It feels like half my friends are waiting for my nonexistent egg to crack and like it's not happening babes. I'm not an egg. I'm not trans. My full name is not a deadname, it’s my name and I like it. I'm so tired having to explain something so personal for twenty minutes and getting nowhere and people assuming I don't know myself, that I’m just a confused young clueless queer.

Meeting new people and saying oh yeah I use she/he, and sometimes refer to myself using they/them but other people can't use they/them for me is like. It goes from people assuming I'm Very Cis because of how I look and dress to assuming I'm trans, and both are wrong. They have questions they're too polite to ask but it's on their face, especially if I say I'm cis. The face starts out, prior to hearing my pronouns, as “oh another cis white gay girl, great, she won’t get me at all.” It then goes to “oh trans! okay, cool, you don’t look trans though.” to confusion. to what the fuck do you mean, that’s not a thing. I'm cis. I'm queer. I love my gender stuff. I just wish it wasn't such a deal in queer spaces. My entire opinion on labels is "labels are tools for yourself to use as you see fit" and "people determine their own labels and can change them whenever they want." People have different interpretations of labels (I doubt my individual interpretation of what it would mean to myself for me to identify as trans is the same as other people’s) and that’s fine! Someone could be like me and use trans as a label, and have that make them happy, and that's okay! But it isn't for me. I feel like people are trying to put me in a box one way or another anytime gender is brought up. I understand the many reasons for cis and trans to be used and the importance of the term trans to so so many lovely people, but sometimes it feels like another binary where all I am is wrong.

The worst part about this is that extremely rarely, for a day or so, I vibe with trans AS WELL AS cis. But why would I say that to fucking anyone when the takeaway in their head is "oh so you are trans you just have internalized transphobia." No one would think the AND CIS part means anything, it would just get wiped away. Who cares if this “aw hell yeah double barrel gender day” is a rare thing for me to have happen. Crack, egg, let me hit you against the pan. This is very personal to me and for people to think that my identity I've thought about for an immeasurable amount of time at this point is internalized bullshit feels so insulting and demeaning and alienating. It dismisses all the work I've done with coming to terms about the various parts of my identity, and learning about myself, and reading soooo many damn books. I put a lot of time and work into loving myself wholeheartedly and it's something I'm very proud of myself for. And I don't take these things lightly. I do not take labels lightly, use them lightly, and much less tell people I use them lightly. They are important to me. I have never used a label and become certain of it without at least half a year of constantly thinking about and considering and imagining it at minimum. I still regularly think over and reexamine how I label myself all the fucking time. All. The. Fucking. Time. With everything, with bi with ace with genderfluid with my pronouns with genderqueer with everything. That has been happening in some amount since at least 2017 on a daily basis. That is a lot of my fucking life questioning and exploring to understand myself and find ways to explain myself to others, because I want to share this with people, because I think it’s beautiful. I similarly did not decide I don’t resonate with being referred to as trans lightly, and still regularly check in with myself if that has changed, because things do change over time sometimes. And it hasn’t changed, and frankly I strongly doubt it will. And I just want that work I’ve done to be recognized and fucking respected, at least in queer spaces, where it's supposed to be respected and understood more than anywhere.

**NOTE in case this somehow is read by people I don’t know personally: if you read this in bad faith and assume I am transmedicalist or transphobic or god-forbid somehow a terf there is a severe miscommunication! Someone not resonating with a label you think they should use is not transphobic, and stop policing their label use. Someone being pissed off and tired about incorrect assumptions being made, repeatedly, especially in spaces for those in-between nowhere identities and experiences, is allowed to express that. If you are someone I actually know and think there is an legitimate issue in this please, really and truly please tell me because I cannot find it. Otherwise I am tired. And I am going to go give myself a shower now.

#mems yells #gender #you don't have to understand me but stop acting like you know me better than I know myself #I'm so tired #people stop assuming anything about my gender challenge #because you're definitely wrong about something #if not most things #gender minifesto #im glad i wrote this #required reading to know me

[emenerd]

I don’t care if I’m valid

This has been rocking around my head for a while, but I’ve been feeling some kind of way about queer support posts saying that whatever identity is valid, its nice, sure, but it always seemed kind of weird. In a video (I do not remember which one, potentially the JK Rowling one?), Contrapoints put it to words in a way I hadn’t been able to (and I know she’s controversial, I do not care. She makes interesting videos that I can evaluate through my own lens and agree or disagree with as I choose, and I’ve learned a lot both agreeing and disagreeing with her). She was discussing specifically the phrases “trans women are women”, “trans men are men” and “nonbinary people are valid”, which are pretty common phrases are here, and how they invite the, often bad faith, question, using the first one as an example, of “what is a woman” whereas something like “trans liberation now” invites a discussion of societal transphobia and material oppression, as well as being a call to action.

I’ve seen a lot of posts around here (and I’m going to focus on my own identities because that’s where my own feelings are relevant) saying things like my gender identity is valid, asexuality is valid, asexuals belong in queer spaces. Yes, all of that is true! And especially early on in figuring yourself out, external validation is great!

But at this point, I’ve identified as aroace and some shade of nonbinary for going on seven years, I don’t really care what strangers on the internet think. I want to get something done.

I want to build community and make plans for what to do if terfs or exclusionists (baby terfs) start using targeted harassment to destroy our online communities again.

I want to work with activists to do what we can to stop, reverse, and ameliorate the erosion of trans access to healthcare, the protection of trans people under the law, (also fix how the law and the justice system work but that’s a different post), and our rights to our bodies and our privacy.

I want to stop talking to cis people about what gender is or allo people about different types of attraction and actually do something, because I do not care what strangers think about me, I care about what they do that effects my community, the people I care about, and my body.

TLDR: external validation is nice, but actions matter more, and it seems like a lot of people on social media are caught up in words only.

#personal #im not going to tag this otherwise #cause this is really more about getting my own feelings out #maybe at some point ill clean this up #and actually try and put it out there in the tags #to try and get other people to see it #but this is what it is for now #if somebody wants to reblog it though go ahead

[anamatics]

Your opinion on old fandom forums vs, fandom today?

I didn't answer this one last night as I wanted to be able to type out a proper response, and one that's partly adapted from an essay I wrote back in 2016.

As a fandom old, I’ve spent a long time in fandom spaces. I did my time with writing slash and het ships, but I always loved writing stories for me about people like me. I have witnessed first-hand the rise and fall of listservs and live journal as places where people who liked femslash gathered to discuss their favorite shows. I know a lot of fandom history. When I comment on the events in fandom, it still comes from my position as a fan, not as a creative. I want to preface all of these thoughts with this.

Fandom used to be something that you didn't talk about. It was secret, never mentioned in public, zines and stories mailed back and forth across the country. The internet changed that, people's attitudes toward things like queer and trans identity changed that, people's want to see diversity on their screens changed that. Yet, at the same time, there is a whole new generation of young queer creatives emerging onto the writing scene who have grown up witnessing the rise and fall of these great, monolithic fandoms that exist beyond the space of shows themselves. More and more, networks, writers, and producers are paying attention to what the fandom says and to what they react to.

This is why I don't really like fandom these days, because I've seen both sides. I struggled with this working on Carmilla as someone who had been, and in may ways still was, a fan. I know fans have power, I've done things because I know fans have power. And yet, I felt like I'd lost my place in a community - in old fandom - because of this realization. And I myself asking questions about my place in new fandom. Questions that, most of the time, had no answers.

Is it valid to be both grateful for the acknowledgement of fan desires within the creative side of television and web writing and a little horrified by the amount of entitlement that any capitulation by those productions seems to engender within fans? Am I valid in feeling trapped by this feeling of wanting to be the best possible arbiter of representation and knowing that I can never be perfect because the perfection demanded by the queer community isn’t achievable? Does my voice even matter in fandom circles anymore because I’ve “crossed over” to the other side? Am I allowed to continue to speak critically about representation in shows that are not my own because I haven’t “fixed mine yet”?

I struggled with this when Carmilla was airing. I still struggle with it now, too, because I see how trolls on Twitter and Tumblr have reacted to folks like me speaking out about problems we see in our communities or within fandom. People like me aren’t allowed to criticize fandom, or fandom culture, because we’re no longer seen as truly a part of it: by being creators who can’t always live up to fandom’s sometimes unreasonable standards, we’re now considered just part of the problem. We can’t critique behaviors and call things out within this fandom community that should also represent us because when we do we’re hurting the fandom community.

Every queer creative out there has shouldered some of this hurt, I know I have. I stand by what I’ve said despite the backlash. If you cannot believe in the truth you speak, what good are you to a community looking to you for change?

Those who speak to the internal problems of fandom culture are shouted down. People with years of fandom experience, who are far more knowledgeable of the history of fandom (and especially the femslash corners of it) and presence in media than the present-day narrative setters, are shouted down and told that we are part of the problem. Creatives who speak out and criticize other works are treated equally poorly. The problem is that in refusing to look at the problems within our fandom spaces, and saying that everyone outside the group is to blame for the problems of poor representation, we are sticking our fingers in our ears and refusing to look at what’s wrong with us. We eat our own.

The queer community – and by extension the queer fandom community – functions like an ouroboros as far as I can tell. That’s the snake from Norse mythology that eats its tail, representing infinity but also representing the inevitable crush of our own bullshit as it comes down around us with the hopes of becoming a better community. There should be a place within this community for everyone, and yet it’s this same space that is preoccupied with gatekeeping characterized by constant infighting, identity policing, and silencing or invalidating opinions that don’t perfectly align with this vision of what is considered acceptable in the eyes of the thinking of the day.

Queerness is messy. There’s a lot of nuance to it. And there will always be people who want their own community within that umbrella of queerness. That’s a valid want. You want to be around people who are homogenous, because it’s when variety is introduced that feelings get hurt. But the existence of a community for marginalized people should not come at the detriment and degradation of other vulnerable people, nor should it come at the expanse of dismissing intersectionality within our community.

But instead, we eat our own. We dismiss trans headcanons like people in old fandom used to dismiss queer headcanons. We're doing the same bullshit, just rinsed and repeated, directed at a new set of people whose voices are smaller than the small specks of power new fandom has granted (cis, white) queer people.

We fight ourselves amongst because we feel as though we cannot fight the forces of our own oppression. We censor ourselves to make sure that we don’t say anything to upend the proverbial apple cart. We do this not because we’re afraid of the problematic elements outside of the community that could come into our community, but rather because we’re afraid of those within our own community who have the power to kick us out from under our own umbrella and back into the rain.

So when I think about fandom these days, I imagine this moment of losing community. I imagine the hurtful message sent, the dismissive post on the forum, the hateful tweet, actions that cost nothing when they are directed at creators, fan writers, fan artists. These people exist to create content that is to be consumed. They aren't human. They aren't even real. They're just the producers of content that fandom sucks up like a vacuum cleaner without bothering to engage with the creators except to demand more or demand better. Nothing makes you feel alienated from your community like realizing you only exist to produce for it and when you don't produce to standards, you are attacked.

What's worse is that a lot of folks in fandom don't even think about this these days. There's no risk in blasting off a message or a tweet. But social media is an echo chamber. It’s a hive mind, and it’s a place where people can get hurt, very badly, and very quickly. Social media should not be used as a weapon to badger the people trying to get into positions where they can create change, which is what I feel new fandom has done. But at the same time, new fandom has also become a space where voices can be uplifted, where people can be seen and heard who maybe weren't before.

So TL;DR, I think social media ruined fandom, I have a lot of baggage/trauma from working on a show as fandom was transitioning from old fandom to new fandom, and like... we have to be better to each other.

#1 #2 #3 #4 #5 #writing #fandom #some commentary that I'll probably delete