#idk if this is worth tagging lmao. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

redandfranticfeelings · 3 months

Text

questioning being asexual and/or aromantic (or along the spectrum) on this site is hell but Not just for the obvious discourse reasons. but also because so much discussion of asexuality on this site seems to be framed around either appealing to allosexuals or putting them down rather than discussing the experience of just Being asexual / aromantic, and i get that because it's hard to discuss the Absence of a feeling without referencing the alienation you feel compared to everything around you.

but a lot of the jokes and memes (and this goes for the entire queer community on tumblr especially) boil down to this strange competitive attitude among sexualities, this belittlement of anybody who has a different experience, jokes about how ace people are better than others because they don't have sex, this overcompensation that forgets that, actually, most forms of sexual expression are already heavily scrutinized for the same core reason as asexuality (the push for heterosexual sex for the sake of procreation). posts agreeing with literal conservative talking points about censoring sexual expression (even inexplicit) at spaces that allow it because of their personal distaste. so much of the discussion reads like spiting romance and sex rather than spiting amatonormativity and finding joy in not having it yourself.

and then on the flip side, you'll have the discussions about the spectrum of asexuality, and how many ace people are okay with some things and not others, which is great! but sometimes it feels like talking about one experience invites people to assume you're excluding the other (this post explains it well), and as someone whose questioning stems from Genuinely Not Knowing What The Fuck Sexual Attraction Feels Like, i find it hard to find spaces actually describing it, rather people just explaining what it isn't. (there's a good chance i may experience sexual attraction but not arousal, but i only ever really see people defend the notion of having sex but not feeling attraction, not the other way around, but i genuinely don't know what constitutes sexual attraction, it just seems to Exist as a concept everyone is supposed to immediately recognize and distinguish from other forms of attraction!)

i think a lot of the chase for "validity" in the community makes it difficult for me to find resources on what it's like to just be ace rather than what it's like to argue with people about asexuality, because even bringing up these issues was difficult for me, and i spent over a year as a teenager going along with toxic exclusionary views i didn't fully believe because i had these concerns, but the only people voicing them were trying to exclude discussions about asexual oppression entirely. and i think it's worth having these discussions in a fair way, and maybe people are and i just don't see enough of it. even when trying to ask about things that genuinely confuse me, things i might recognize in myself if i could have some questions answered, people assume hostility and/or just give a cyclic explanation.

idk i just want to feel like it's possible to be asexual and be comfortable with the prospect of never having sex while also not caring about whether other people would rather have sex or not. because the whole point of this fight should be that sex should be a morally neutral act.

#idk if this is worth tagging lmao.#do not tag as dscourse though. it is not dscourse.#it is not bad faith i am just genuinely confused #and talking about sex and sexuality in relation to myself feels foreign for a multitude of reason #id gladly have a good faith convo about this bc im confused #and i just really want to understand things but i always just get hit with cyclic explanations

17 notes · View notes

laesas · 1 year

Text

The hands holding yours are not clean either.

VegasPete + Hands || KinnPorsche (2022)

#Disclaimer: I have very complicated feelings about this show and this couple after everything that's happened over the past month #I actually started these in late december for a friends birthday but the colouring ended up so complicated I didnt get it done #and while I'm still untangling how I feel about the fandom and fan culture and the whole situation (tldr: bad sad parasocially betrayed lol #I was so proud of these for my 3rd ever gifset the absolutely insane amount of time I spent on the colouring and masking against shaky shot #like I genuinely had to keyframe adjust about 8 different overlapping layers frame-by-frame for at least 1 of these lol #and perhaps selfishly: I need to post bc I can't bring myself to work on new sets while this was staring back at me every time i opened PS #And I'm proud of it and it meant a lot and even though the shape of the fandom and friendships have changed its still worth something to me #anyway. enough rambling. on to the actual tags lol #VegasPete #kinnporche the series #vegas theerapanyakul #pete saengtham #asiandramasource #asianlgbtqdramas #lgbtedit #vegas kp #pete kp #idk idk idk I feel like this is my one last little love letter to these silly little characters that meant a lot to me #and to the friends that inspired it too #on a lighter note: the caption is an adapted taemin lyric and the colours were inspired by the criminal MV lmao #so like lol its not that deep :')#aaaand post.#bee.gif #kpts

340 notes · View notes

dearings · 2 years

Text

a little anthony green compilation that brings me joy

(interview)

warped tour, 2007 (video here)

bamboozle, 2006 (video here)

the face and tattoos look right but i can't find a source for these, so take them with a grain of salt. if you can find a source for them, please share!

#the more i learn about anthony the more i like him #ls dunes #anthony green #idk if i should tag circa survive as well lmao idk the fandom at all and i prefer to just exist in my safe sphere on here #mianderings #also that whole interview was given after he got sober and i think it's worth a read #but maybe i'm biased #anyway i like his vibes and his voice and i'm really excited to see them

496 notes · View notes

wigglebox · 3 months

Text

i'm going to make an art tag list!

I wanted to make a tag list whenever I post my art so interested folks can see it when it's posted instead of it getting buried.

i've seen others in the fandom do this, and I know i like being on tag lists, and thought it could be a good idea!

This will include SPN fanart and sketches. This list isn't for when I post original art or anything -- just bc I know not everyone would be interested in that and I'm mostly posting fanart ATM.

*It's not an obligation to reblog; it's just that if you like my stuff, and want to see it when it's posted instead of it getting buried on a dash or if you're busy and want to come back to it.

If you're interested, you can message me or reply to this post!

I'll start implementing it on the next art I post <3

#i've done tag lists before but then i kinda stopped bc i lost track of t and most of the time it was for my writing #idk if i've ever really done it for art before so #regardless #new era #new list #lmao #again you're not obligated to reblog if you're on this list #it's just if you wanna make sure you don't miss anything i post #not to say that my stuff isn't worth missing or anything but y'know #bc we're all around this world on different timezones #and i don't lke reblogging my art 930801938423 times #so yeah okay anyway awelkfajwelj i'll stop rambling. the coffee is getting to me

28 notes · View notes

ridhearts · 1 year

Text

rest {vil x reader}

Vil comforts you after a rough day.

!! information !!

characters: vil

reader: gn

cw: none!

The Pomefiore lounge was only half-lit, a shadowed hallway leading to the far wall where Vil sat on one of the plush purple couches. The flickering candles cast him in a warm glow, bright enough to illuminate the papers on his lap so he wouldn’t have to strain his eyes to read. The scarce lighting, you knew, was meant to accommodate you; after so long of complaining about a persistent headache, even the densest of your companions (ahem, Grim) caught on.

Vil looked up from his papers and uncrossed his legs, though he made no move to stand. “Hello, sweet potato.”

“Hey,” you answered, barely stopping yourself from diving onto the couch. Still, you fell with little ceremony, laying across the cushions and resting your head on Vil’s lap. He scoffed, amused at your audacity, but didn’t say anything else about your manners.

“You’ve been making yourself scarce these days,” He commented, not unkindly. His voice lacked the usual firm and severe tone he used throughout the day, though anybody on campus could tell that he usually spoke softer around you. Still, this time he kept volume down to something soft and tender, wrapping around you, sound and snug.

“Headache.” You felt on of his hands gently rest on our head for a moment, carding through your hair and drawing soothing lines down your shoulder. “I was getting sick of being alone, though.”

“Forgive me for not offering a more thrilling activity.”

“This is perfect.” You didn’t think you could take any more than resting in a different spot, anyway. “I’m...sorry I haven’t been...much, lately.”

Vil stopped moving his hand, and you could practically hear the unimpressed expression he was giving you. Picturing that small, perfect scowl and the way he was arching an eyebrow, you almost laughed.

“You haven’t been much? Much of what?”

You shrugged. “Much of anything.”

Vil sighed before resuming the comforting pets he was giving you. “That’s simply not true. You’ve been recovering. And before that, you were going through a lot. Perhaps you still are. How are you feeling?”

After a pause, you shrugged and gave him a noncommittal hum. Those types of answers were never enough for him, though. “Better. Kind of. More manageable, at least. I’ll be back on my feet soon.”

Vil chuckled. “You don’t have to make promises to me. It’s important to take care of yourself. Take the time you need. I’m thankful that I got to spend some time with you at all today.”

You took a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds and trying to focus on anything but the pounding pain in your head: his fingers running through your hair, the warmth of his leg beneath your cheek, the raised seam of the cushion digging into your hip, all of it. Slowly exhaling, you hummed again.

“Yeah. I am, too.”

#this is kind of a spiritual successor to my last post (sit with me with leona)#i don't get super personal on here most of the time because. i don't want to LOL #but if you were curious i am doing better. i talked to my doctor and i started on antidepressants #that was the inspiration i only just got over my four day headache adjusting to it LMAO #so you know. i'm just a stranger on the internet but if you're having mental health issues consider talking to your primary care doctor!#i cried in her office telling her my symptoms lol it kinda sucks but it's worth it to be better #anyway i talked too long in the tags idk if this is even going to show up in them anymore. daily reminder to reblog please :3 #twisted wonderland #vil schoenheit x reader #twst #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #vil schoenheit #vil x reader #also i just wrote this. randomly. there's not a lot of deeper meaning i just wanna. sit

230 notes · View notes

hottest-gay-bar-in-philadelphia · 9 months

Text

Just got possessed and wrote this in like an hour and a half

It's them guys

#I have like kind of a problem #macdennis #maybe???#glob #??????#idk #??#but yeah they're a cute doctor and a cute fireman and I've decided they're in love #it's sweet and nice #totally worth it #very very prepared for this to get like 2 hits lmao #er 1994 #ghcu #nick cooper #Andy fesh #the nick cooper tag is just full of one sexy guy love you nick hope you're doing well #my fics

50 notes · View notes

tomwambsmilk · 1 month

Text

need some of my succtuals to play red dead to elevate the fandom discourse just a little bit. I'm drowning in x reader smut over here and I need at least one (1) of you with whom I can discuss themes and motifs and what the hell is going on with d*tch v*n der l*nde

#censored the character name bc I dont want this post to show up in his tag lmao #exaggerating a 'lil bc there are one or two good analysis blogs. and I do appreciate the more classic fandom blogs which dominate the space #but I do miss succ-level discourse #we truly had something so so so so so special #I'm down bad enough for this game that I actually started recording my story mission gameplay #so I can edit it into lil 'episodes' for my irl friends who have heard me talk extensively about it #and say it sounds rlly interesting but they have never picked up a viddy game once ever in their life #and like. is it good enough to even be worth all that effort? idk but im doing it anyways

15 notes · View notes

artemisiatridentata · 1 year

Text

I just finished reading Fourth Wing after picking it up because of all the hype, and because I love dragons, and... I have to say it's the worst book I've read in quite a while lmao. the dragons were its only redeeming quality

#seriously not worth it y'all sorry #not tagging the title bc i don't want to rain on other peoples' parade #it just was notttt my cup of tea at all #if you like a court of thorns and roses you might like fourth wing. personally I hated ACOTAR for a lot of the same reasons #mainly: language and writing style that clashed painfully with the supposed genre #(fantasy characters saying shit like 'Holy. Fucking. Hot' and 'looking respectfully' and 'vibes' is just NOT believable lmao)#plus the characters and plot were very shallow! nothing was fleshed out! nothing made me *care* abt the characters!#the worldbuilding had sooo much potential but nothing was really explored and it felt so slapdash!#idk it just felt like a YA smut/romance remix of ACOTAR/Shadow & Bone/Divergent wearing a fantasy trenchcoat #it did have a lot of potential but i'm sorry to say the author did not manage to pull it off. :/#oh well. at least the dragons were cool as hell #books #anti fourth wing #if you want to read my more coherent review just message me and i'll give you my goodreads info

78 notes · View notes

cetoddle-archive · 4 days

Text

i still kinda wanna remake and start fresh but now i’m worried no one’s gonna wanna follow me back again

#idk #i’ve felt this for a while but #i really don’t think hardly anyone here likes me lmao #i’m not just saying that fishing for attention i really think it’s true #i never get asks hardly anyone ever interacts with me i don’t get tagged in things #like i literally have no presence #and it makes me really sad cause i see all my mituals being friends with each other and getting interactions and asks and stuff #i feel really left out. like no one likes me i guess ?#and i really believe if i remake no one’s gonna care enough to remain mutuals w me #maybe i’ll just delete #the way being so left out makes me feel might just not be worth it maybe i’m better off without social media at all #snow.txt

8 notes · View notes

kingleedo · 10 months

Text

bro got a little carried away or when main dancer misses performing so much 😌

46 notes · View notes

courfeyracs-swordcane · 1 month

Text

You are a seventeen year old lesbian. You ran away from home and are lying about every aspect of yourself in order to work your way up the ranks of the war crime factory, and it’s working— you got promoted to work directly under the citystate governor as personal security for him and his family. And now you have a crush on his wife. (would that be fucked up or what?)

#just me #look I drew a thing #an ballad brothers #Ari ballad brothers #Ari’s mom ballad brothers #<— she has a name idk why I’m tagging her like that #anyway. top ten funniest situations to put that guy in.#this is like fifteen years before the main story lmao it’s funny to see An so. uh. well #top ten guys who Knows Exactly What They’re About by the time the story rolls around #they’re Cool and it’s on purpose #here? not so much #also I DID do the math wrong Ari should be like five or six by the time an got promoted but I drew this in half an hour at 3am yesterday #Ari’s dad. was also supposed to be there. but I forgor what he looked like and it’s too late now #also an. bestie. bud. she is NOT worth it she’s so nothing lady #she’s an Instagram influencer and she’s raising that child in the BEIGEST of houses #and she’s literally gonna die of pneumonia in like 1-3 years #top ten ladies who does not really think employees count as people #idk if she’s straight or aroace or what but she’s definitely not into genderweird dykes #(not that an is especially aware of that part yet.)#(also they’re aroace aswell but they’re dyke in the gender with a big heaping side of No Actual Gender At All)#Yk how it is with spaghetti

9 notes · View notes

wallyslinda · 4 months

Text

i am so awkward on drawing digitally but this brainrot has made me defying the odds... my take on jayrose in this particular 'draw your ship like this' trend from awhile ago.

#i spent... almost one hour?#only lineart idk if i should continue omg #like what did i do after this #idk if i should draw them in their gears or casual clothes #hence the no detail on their clothes lmao #jayrose #jason todd #rose worth wilson #rose wilson #wallyslinda draws #<- icb i made a new personal tagging

14 notes · View notes

trashlie · 1 year

Text

FP 217 (in which i scream from the rafters)

When I said I shan’t say anymore I meant in that post not tonight beCAUSE I WILL NOT SHUT UP TONIGHT. When was the last time I got a FP thoughts post out this fast?! Have I ever?!

THERE WAS NO MORPHINE! THERE WAS NO MORPHINE!!!!!!!!!!!! IT WAS ALL SHINAE!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL THAT PEACE AND CALM IS BECAUSE SHE WAS THERE, BECAUSE HE WAS ABLE TO ALLOW HIMSELF TO LEAN ON HER BECAUSE SHE STAYED BY TO WATCH OVER HIM AND WAIT FOR HIM TO WAKE

IT WAS ALL! BECAUSE! IT’S HER!!!!!!!!!!!

“I thought you didn’t like the silence?” “I don’t... But I like this silence”

I DON’T LIKE THE SILENCE BUT IT’S OKAY IF IT’S WITH YOU.

“It’s been a while since I’ve felt peaceful like this...”

I’M AT PEACE BECAUSE YOU’RE HERE

I’M GONNA SCUTTLE UP A WALL YOU GUYS!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I was here going “okay u know what the morphine is probably making him calm but still surely the fact that Shinae is there is part of why he feels okay” AND IT TURNS OUT THAT’S NOT THAT FAR OFF AFTER ALL?! LISTEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNN WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS?! NOL? BLUSHING?! NOL?!

Like okay there is a LOT to unpack in this episode and I SHOULD go to bed soon but I want to try to spit out as much as I can while it’s all raw and bouncing around in my head because it’s just going to rattle around if I try to go to sleep ANYWAY.

I... have so many thoughts about this episode and I’m just like a crow sitting on a wall cawing AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

Nol my boy. My guy. My dude. My problematic fave. You have just been awakened AAAHHHHHHHHH

NO BUT does this not tie in to what I was just yelling about - how Nol and Shinae exist in/are forged in these pockets of quiet, in these moments of still, they grow through the shadows outside of other peoples’ eyes. I once talked somewhere on here about how if you look at the Relationship Rectangle of Kousuke, Shinae, Nol, and Alyssa, Nol and Shinae are, arguably, the ones who share the most intimate/closest relationship - but they are also notably the ones who are are not seen. Meg was so surprised that Nol and Shinae were close enough that he had her number and tried calling her to find her at the black and white gala. Sure, of course, Nol and Meg aren’t close, how would she know. But we kind of saw a sense of this with Yui, too, who continually aligned Shinae towards Kousuke. Again, bias (and loathing lol) but the point still stands: nobody besides maybe Dieter lol are really quite aware of how important Shinae and Nol are to each other.

I mean, hell! Shinae didn’t realize it until she was left crying in the rain and Dieter woke her up to the fact that he had become a person Shinae loves, an actual, real friend. Nol sure didn’t seem to realize it, either, despite, yknow. gestures vaguely how everything went down lmao and even had to ask if she actually meant all the things she had said back there.

Nol and Shinae are the kind of relationship that just so naturally grows - at what point did she go from thinking him annoying to him being a friend? Even that isn’t so simple - she felt so much guilt when she saw him sitting outside after she went off on him during her lunch break and thought he’d sat out there the whole time feeling sad because she was mad lol like. IDK I love a really well-written, ever-growing relationship - when you can’t identify the moment a person goes from being a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend. Because that’s how it goes! And it just feels SO well-executed between them!

The way Shinae took off running to go grab some stuff before she would go to the hospital, like she wanted to be ready immediately so she could be there. Shinae who HATES hospitals, who never liked them, who is reminded of her own worst experience in one, who just recently went through it again when her father was in the hospital, still rushing to go there because Nol is that important, because he means that much.

Nol who was in a state of panic when he woke, clearly from his own awful past with the Hirahara Memorial (Yui) calming when he noticed Shinae. Nol who doesn’t like the silence, feeling comfortable and at peace, allowing himself to do something he’s never allowed himself before and leaning on a friend, feeling at peace for the first time in SUCH A LONG TIME. And feeling that way NOT because of morphine but because of WHO she is. Because she can bring him that calm, because she can bring him that peace

I’M GOING TO YELL FROM A ROOFTOP.

THAT EPISODE THAT FLASHED BACK TO THE POOL FALL AND HOW NOL WAS WILLING TO STAY DOWN THERE AND NEVER COME BACK UP, BUT BECAUSE SHINAE WAS DOWN THERE, TOO, HE COULDN’T, HE HAD TO GET HER OUT. SHE SAVED HIS LIFE BY NEEDING HERS SAVED. ;A;

AND HERE, SHINAE (AIDED BY LIL BUDDY) AND HER FRIENDS FIND NOL WHEN HIS LIFE IS IN DANGER AND SHE’S THERE TO MAKE SURE HE WAKES UP, TOO.

LISTEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT HUH? HOW CAN I NOT? JUST? LOVE THEM AND LOVE WHO THEY ARE TO EACH OTHER?!

That moment of realization, that frustration on his face, THE BLUSH. /HE’S FIGURED IT OUT/. HE UNDERSTANDS WHY HE FELT SO CALM, SO PEACEFUL, WHY HE WAS SO AT EASE HAVING HER THERE. HE KNOWS.

It is SO FUNNY that we were just musing about this - like how Shinae has been getting flustered all night, her heart galloping around, and here he is, too, just. Reveling. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SHINAE IS HIS COMFORT. ;A; I’m thinking yet again about how, when he found out he WASN’T at Hirahara Memorial, he turned his face into her more, like crawling closer in comfort. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

There’s so many other things to talk about, too, but I had to get this out first okay, I HAD to!

I know fandom hates Rand, but if you’re here reading this lol you know that I’m a sucker for grey morality and that Rand is a frustrating fascination of mine because he made this mess but so many people have to lie in it. But listen, I had some FEELINGS. The fact that Jayce said Rand would carry that Bible everywhere, that it was like his good luck charm - and tucked inside are photos and notes from Nessa, including a photo of Nol the day he was born. THAT SHIT HURTS. I don’t know how to express this well without... idk I trust that anyone reading this knows me well enough lol to know that I don’t absolve anyone of their blame just because I can sympathize.

And I DO. I DO sympathize. I’ve been saying it’s clear that Nessa was his true love - whether she was someone he loved before his marriage (clearly an arrangement) to Yui or if it happened afterwards. He LOVED her and he loves Nol, too, but he’s a man that doesn’t know how to express his emotions (in fact he has constantly tried to get Nol to be more like him and shove away his feelings), who has a vindictive and virtually law-less wife who can and will do anything she can to hurt him. So on some level I GET IT. He couldn’t be open with his love and affection for Nol. I think a part of him wants to be. That’s why he was so angry and said those awful things when Nol pleaded guilty - Rand was doing everything in his power to help him, to protect him in the only way he was allowed to and it was ruined. When he said he should have shipped him off to boarding school it wasn’t that he regretted having to raise this kid - it was that he regretted not doing enough to get Nol out of Yui’s reach. It was that he was greedy enough to want to keep his child near, this reminder of someone he loved, even though he knew he could not be the father he deserved.

And it sucks because look how things have turned out for Nol. Look at how much he has suffered, how much he’s been hurt. He’s so certain his father has no love for him, only shame. He’s so certain his father takes care of him out of obligation, not love.

But all these years, Rand has carried around a photo of newborn Nol. The child he and the woman he loved fathered together.

AND IDK it cuts me. Especially the fact that like... this was clearly Rand’s only comfort. This was the only thing that he could privately hold on to that brought him comfort and he made the choice to pass it on to Nol. Did he hope that it would comfort his son as it had comforted him all these years? Did he hope that it might convey all the things he’s been unable to say, all the things he couldn’t express? Idk it hurts me okay. It just. Idk you can be a shit father in a shit situation and I’m still going to feel sad that his choices have landed so many blows and ramifications.

I want to see the photos! I want to see what else is in there! Are there more notes? Did she write sweet letters about baby Nol that he can read? ;~; So many pages fell out of it. Did she tuck them back in or did she take them when she left? WHERE IS SHE GOING? At first I thought lmao maybe she’s off to find a vending machine to present him a little treat as a “sorry this isn’t a cake but you deserve to celebrate your birthday” kind of deal but someone else suggested she’s going to find Rand. I guess if she took the memorabilia maybe that makes more sense? Idk idk I like my cheesy little vending machine idea though lmaoooooooo

I also LMAO love him making a dumb pun because ONCE AGAIN it just brings back that Yeonggi very much is a part of who Nol is. Just because he played that part of himself up doesn’t mean that isn’t a very true part of him. It also means that all of this - the way he’s spoken to Shinae this evening, the way he’s treated her - all of it is very much sober. It’s just. Him. Not playing up his dark, edgy “would you like me still if u knew all the things i’d done” Nol lmao. Not upbeat pushed to the limits Yeonggi. This is the truest, most raw Nol we’ve seen and it’s beautiful. I worry he lol might try to put up his defenses as a result of his realization, but if we’ve learned one thing about Nol, it’s that he is ultimately unable to deny anything regarding Shinae lmao

Something else I want to touch on really quickly is Kousuke and that flashback. "I need you to keep him from harming himself." "It'll be safer for him to remain here with you."

I know on one level Rand is taking advantage of a moment to group with Yujing (and Shinae...?) in that he cannot have Kousuke (and Hansuke) there to overhear. He has pointedly asked for Shinae to come to the hospital, and not simply because she’s a friend. Whatever Rand and Yujin are working on, she is a part of. Kousuke and Hansuke cannot be a part of that. Also, taking care of both your bleeding-out son and your in-shock son is not an easy feat for anyone. I don't think he's like, brushing this off by any means, he knows Hansuke is good hands, but my question is: "I need you to keep him from harming himself" is this... a thing that has happened in the past? Is it in any way connected to the night that Nol was sent away? I'm trying to think if there's been any times where Kousuke has seemed like a danger to himself in that he could/would harm himself. Possibly drinking way too much would count. But it makes me wonder if there was ever a time that Kousuke, perhaps with no recollection of it, did anything that could bring himself harm?

Back in episode 96, Kousuke called over Hansuke, and Hansuke made a little comment that "FYI I'm not giving you any meds" and Kousuke remarked that none of his modes of relaxation have worked since his run in with Yujing. Also "What do you do to relax again?" "You already know." "Do you think maybe they have become too routine they don't work as well as they used to?"

I'm just spitballing here but seeing Kousuke just shut down like this, and how it seems very much like the time when Nol was taken away (asking Yui what happened) just makes me Wonder A Lot.

Like, Kousuke is presented to us as a character who is very much in control of himself, and has a tendency to try to control the world around his own personal narrative. But we have also been shown enough to know that's not entirely the case, and that Kousuke's sense of control is very much a sort of coping mechanism because his reality does not entirely align with actual reality. I want to know more about the meds. I want to know more about what happened that night. As Kousuke's characterization unravels, we're beginning to see that HE is more unraveled than he's appeared (which is just very much the general case of everyone in here lol)

I JUST FEEL LIKE THERE IS SO MUCH IN THIS EPISODE AND I’M SORRY BUT I CANNOT SHUT UP ABOUT THIS LITTLE NOL REVELATION quimchee is just. SHE IS FEEDING US. SHE’S GIVING ME EVERYTHING I WANTED

Also last tidbits I want to point out:

Rand’s face just looks SO haunted. So tired. He just aged 20 years. Shiane’s imitation of him was uhhh.... pretty on the nose lol

Dieter’s little “some friends we are huh” comment really hurt. Like, Nol is an unstoppable force. Could they have made more of a fuss to make him stay and get checked over? Sure. Would it have changed anything, though?

But also seeing the blood on his and Soushi’s hands.... wow that HURTS like. Fortunately we know Nol is okay (well. You know. As okay as he can be, all things considered) but still having to help your friend’s father gather your friend as he’s bleeding out all over you?! Isn’t that a little traumatic? Isn’t that HAUNTING?

There’s also something so tender and sweet about Dieter being offered the option to go do whatever he needs to and still being concerned about Minhyuk and all the food ;~; He’s a good bean. I don’t know if there’s anything much to read into the whole “We’ll let Shinae go first” bit. Dieter is, yknow, aware of Nol and Shinae’s close bond, so possibly this is his way of giving her that space? I think it’s at any rate on the complicated side - Nol just. Leaves them and cuts off connection to all of them and then suddenly he’s at Minhyuk’s house and Dieter has to play mediator? SOUSHI DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HE WAS THERE. JUST. BOOM. NOL FALLING FROM THE FLOOR ABOVE AND COVERED IN GLASS.

AND THEN SUDDENLY HE’S HELPING GET HIM INTO THE CAR, COVERED IN HIS BLOOD.

Jesus. Everyone needs therapy ;~;

Also my god Kousuke’s face. He looks haggard as hell. Assuming he saw photos of baby Nol in that Bible, it feels like it undoes everything he and Nol just confessed and said. That affectionate, loving version of Rand didn’t exist? But what does it mean if he carried around a picture of one of his baby sons?

Did he have anything about Kousuke in there? Had he already removed anything about Kousuke?

IDK THERE’S SO MANY FEELINGS YOU GUYS pls join me in my wailing and yelling ;A;

#I Love Yoo #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #ILY Brainrot #TRUST ME IT'S WORTH THE COINS LAKJFKJFJKAFJKJAKFJKAF #Shinae Yoo #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Nol #Kousuke Hirahara #struggling with what to tag this as relevant lol #this feels like a rather shorter post (lmao for me) than usual but idk! i'm trying to spit it all out before i go to bed #I WANNA YELL WHILE IT'S STILL FRESH AND HOT AND IT'S GONNA RATTLE AROUND IN MY HEAD ALL NIGHT ANYWAY #screw it i'll include my ship tag too #Stalkyoo #Aegi #i wanna give them their own personalized tag that feels more fitting of them lmao #since i love to discuss them both as canon relationship and romantic potential lmao #ANYWAY UH there's a lot of yelling in here #like i'm just LAYING ON THE ALL CAPS #i have FEEEEEEEEEEEELIIIINGS GUYS #I AM SCUTTLING UP THE WALLS #lmao i just saw one of my friends alkjkjfjfk say my previous post convinced her to go fp the episode lmao CACKLES IT'S WORTH IT THO #how am i supposed to go to sleep when i'm just shouting everything in my brain i have so many thoughts okay #RAND.#/RAND/#I feel like I should dedicate a post to him one day?#fun fact: this webtoon is what made me really start to rethink my relationship with my parents and what it means to BE a parent and how #scary it is to BECOME a parent #how so often people become parents way before they're ready when they're still trying to grow up yet themselves when they are figuring out #who they are and what their life is and making mistakes and unfortunately making mistakes when raising kids AFFECTS them

55 notes · View notes