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nqmonarch · 6 days

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Thoughts About Being in a Relationship with HSR Characters

So like we all love to fantasize about being in a relationship with fictional characters but would we want to actually be in one? As a huge fan of the Aeons I did a quick overview. Even though getting into a relationship with one is widely unrealistic (actually impossible because they're video game characters but even in game it's unrealistic).

Warning: This is just for fun

Aha

Wow, Aha is such a goofy Aeon sure the chaos they cause is insane but there's never a dull moment with them around. But like imagine being in the HSR universe and being in a relationship with this Aeon. 99% chance of death (because of a prank), that 1% chance is saved if for some reason you can't be killed.

Literally miserable. You know how you try to have like a normal conversation with your dad, or guy friend, or boyfriend but they just don't take shit seriously. Like they avoid the topic 24/7 because of jokes. Imagine trying to have a serious conversation with this guy, actual terrible experience.

In a modern AU would be one of those prank YouTubers that like pretends to kill your friend as a prank but actually does kill your friend, it's not a prank. Why aren't you laughing?

0/10.

Akivili

If still alive 10/10 in the HSR universe, 9/10 in modern AU. I am down to travel all over the cosmos but since I have a normal life here on Earth I am perfectly happy staying in my room, writing, coding, and drawing. But Akivili would def bring back some banger souvenirs and pictures even if you're just a friend of theirs.

If dead then 10/10 in both.

Fuli

Okay serious question do you think they'd taxidermy their lover? Like I know in HSR there's not really that option (their lover could be one of the memokeepers I guess?) but in Modern AU I feel like they'd taxidermy their lover. I don't know if that's a plus or a negative.

Definitely the kind of Aeon to be hung up on their first love so you better hope you're that first love. Or else they'll be reminiscing over memories and old photos and old videos and constantly comparing them to you-- man that sucks. Probably would take you out to nice dinners though and give you lots of good memories.

In Modern AU I feel like the idea of Fuli gets 10 times more mystical and also 10 times creepier, like someone that tries to record all of the events in the world but also the events happening right now. So historian, journalist combo, except I feel like they would just appear out of nowhere and then just go back to the void and post a bunch of random photos online. They'd definitely have observed their lover before talking to them (likely several times) which is the creepy aspect.

7/10 for the memories.

Actual 10/10 you cannot argue otherwise on this. Okay, you definitely can but 10/10 in my book aside from the fact you die but like you'll either be accepting your death and dying or spend the rest of your life trying to prove IX wrong about the purpose of life.

Wouldn't take you on dates, you'd have to take IX on dates, plan the whole thing out, really fluster them, give them the time of their existence. And IX would sit there like the gentleman... gentlewoman? Gentle creature it is. I feel like they would be very polite :)

In Modern AU I'm pretty sure IX is just your average office worker who hates their life and sees no point to it but for some reason can't die. 9/10. IX loses one point for no longer being a blackhole.

Lan

Honestly... another gentle creature, and like respectfully, very respectfully I would love to take them out on a date. Seems respectful, apparently pays close attention to mortals so there's a higher chance of Lan keeping their lover alive if they're (Lan's lover) a mortal. Pretty sure 90% of the Aeons would accidentally kill a mortal lover.

Just seems very obsessed with their goals and honestly I respect the grind. 8/10, your average grinder. That being said Lan is also absolutely beautiful but I'm not a big horse person.

In Modern AU Lan would be someone that's trying to change the world, one of those go getters. Again very respectful, and cool but would probably work 16 hours a day which makes holding a relationship pretty hard. 7/10.

Mythus

I haven't done Gold and Gears or finished Swarm Disaster but damn Mythus is really hot. Smash. Uh 6/10 because I don't know their personality or even what they represent but they are really beautiful. I like the jellyfish.

Nanook

Aw man, the moment I saw this guy I knew they would haunt my thoughts. And yeah they do. So beautiful from the molten lava, golden eyes, white hair, man if only they didn't have the personality of an absolute asshole. Like I write fanfiction about Nanook sometimes (pretty rarely) and I can say I am literally pulling every possible string I can to make this Aeon a good lover and somewhat in character.

This is just because I like writing lovers that are semi-decent, it's pretty hard when you get to people like Nanook but I do my best. There's no way a relationship with Nanook would work out feasibly because there's no way they'd love you.

But if they did... I don't know, Nanook is still a pretty bad person for trying to kill everything else in the world so I'm gonna have to dock some points for that. Reminds me of the brooding quiet, only soft spot is for you, male lead troupe except Nanook is trying to murder everyone 24/7.

In Modern AU, I don't even know what Nanook would be? An assassin? A serial killer? I can kind of see like a revolution leader cause apparently they were born from the flames of a world in complete destruction and they saw everything as ugly and destruction as the only possible outcome. I can see a twist with Nanook leading a revolution in hopes of creating a more beautiful world but finding destruction as the only possible outcome that will remove the plague known as life.

Even if they loved you, they'd be very busy with their revolution plans, and I feel like you'd probably be caged away somewhere far away from the danger so you'd barely see Nanook if they wanted to keep you alive.

2/10, 2 points for being so FUCKING beautiful. Thanks Hoyoverse for making a character so attractive.

Qlipoth

Okay Qlipoth would be like big puppy partner, you get me. Like golden retriever vibes or uh... that one person that watches over everything to make sure you're safe but not like in the stalker way. Like the government, y'know? Except the government now wants to make sure you're safe! :D

I am a bit thrown off by the fact Qlipoth is a rock but I'm even more thrown back by the IPC. Like they're really fucking annoying (not as individuals I love Topaz and Aventurine) they're like Qlipoth's lil fanclub. They'd also be Qlipoth's fanclub in Modern AU, I'd imagine and I will imagine.

Also they're a bit sus, like I know they're great, but they want to build a wall. What's the wall for, huh?

Anyway as a partner sure they're a rock, and have an annoying fanclub but they'd probably be really caring and would be able to destroy anything that threatens you. I'd imagine it's about the same in Modern AU but destroy anything with money.

Nothing is stronger than money, actually a nuke is but we're going to assume none of the Modern AU versions of the characters would have access to that or make their own because that would change the game.

I'd say 7/10 in both HSR and Modern AU, I don't know they're just kinda sus...

Tayzzyronth

I'm about half way through the swarm disaster and question time--

If insect, why hot? Like I hate bugs, mainly flying ones, but like why is Tayzzyronth half insect half human 100% beautiful? Anyway from what I know they basically became an Aeon because they were lonely and like the last one of their species and honestly, they deserve a hug for that.

Still absolutely terrifying and if you were in a relationship with them you'd probably be smothered with the Swarm which is beyond terrifying. Would be significantly better in Modern AU where they wouldn't have insects around them all the time. 4/10 in HSR and 7/10 in Modern AU.

Xipe

Don't know them but they're so beautiful and with a path like the Harmony they've got to be good, right? Right?

9/10.

Yaoshi

I think Yaoshi is the Aeon I most actively thirst for, like they're so beautiful, and they pull off deranged love so well. They would keep their lover alive until their lover goes insane because of mara. And they're super kind, and empathetic. The threat of becoming mara struck is one I would take just to be in their presence. 10/10.

In Modern AU! they'd be so beautiful, still, like one of those fragile looking beauties that would just approach you randomly and then ask, "Are you in pain?" And it'd be really creepy but because it's Yaoshi it'd be okay and you'd fall in love like instantly. Don't answer yes to the question though. I feel like they'd have mad scientist vibes, probably would do unethical experiments which doesn't really sit right with me. Again, would try to keep their lover alive no matter what but they'd be really nice. 9.5/10.

Alright so I did this in 30 minutes instead of working on my presentation which is due tomorrow and I haven't finished research for.

Again this was just for fun, all of the Aeons have super great designs and are super cool imo :) props to Hoyoverse for this

#hsr #hsr aeons #ix the nihility #nanook #yaoshi #I LOVE YAOSHI SO MUCH LIKE MAN #qlipoth #lan #fuli #akivili #aha

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stuff-from-the-void-matron · 3 years

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Laurel Wreaths & Animal Teeth (8)

(c!Technoblade x fem!Reader)

(Still no Tech this time, please don’t be mad! But hey we’re in L’manberg now! That’s pog right? Plus we officially meet Wilb and Fundy! But remember y’all, if this chapter doesn’t do well then I can’t write chapter 9! So show chapter 8 some love!! <3)

—————

MOAR ART!

I tried drawing Reader! -> She.

And xoxoyukixoxo-art-dump on here drew her too! She looks so SICK! SHE!

----

He’d been watching her for some time now.

Not all day and night like some weirdo but he’d noticed instantly when she’d ‘logged on’ so to speak. The first thing to make him curious was him wondering how she arrived here in the first place, but when he tried teleporting to this new person it strangely hadn’t worked. He’d simply not gone anywhere, which was beyond puzzling. He should be able to teleport to anyone on this server. That little tidbit, the not being able to teleport to her, was the second thing to make him curious. So curious in fact that he spent a very long time just looking for her. When the ability to teleport to her was no longer an option he’d found searching for someone was much harder, but in the end he’d found her. And good lord was she a big one. Not taller than endermen or anything bigger but she definitely towered over the villagers she lived with.

He didn’t know how she ended up here since you needed an invite to be allowed on the server. And he knows she wasn’t invited, because he knows ALL the people who are invited. Hell, at one point he even tried banning her (an action which kicks players from the server) but… nothing had happened. He’d been hidden and watching her when he’d done it and she’d not even noticed, just kept on planting flowers around one of the villager’s houses without a care in the world.

He’d unbanned her and nothing changed again. Then he’d tried using other commands on her. Teleport, clear, give, and even Kill. Not a single one did anything. That made him nervous. He’d never encountered something like this before. It was unheard of. If this player decided to become hostile, or End forbid, GENOCIDAL… it would have very disastrous consequences for the other players on the server..

He decided then and there to monitor her deeply until further notice.

Which turned into him popping up by her village and sneaking in to watch her and what she did day in and day out for a few months. And honestly.. She seemed pretty benign.

All she really did was change up the village she lived in and decorate. When not doing those things she would do other hobbies like cooking and potion making. She’d also leave the village sometimes to just explore. He took those chances to go inside her home and snoop around. He also noticed aggressive mobs were pretty neutral towards her for whatever reason. That only ever happened if a player had a clear relation to a mob (aka a hybrid) or if the player had creative… Which it looked like she had. But she also didn’t look fully human.

“What a strange being you are..”

-0-

Before you knew it the next day had come, bright and early.

You’d had to go back to the Overworld around sunrise to get ready to greet Tubbo. You’d explained to Azo that you’d try to come back as soon as you could but for now you had to go on a trip for a while. She was sad to see you go but said okay and to hurry back. Your heart broke all over again, feeling terrible that you had to leave her alone but there was nothing you could do. You’d bring her with you if it were possible but you knew her entering the Overworld would turn her into a zombie instantly. And that’s not a fate you’re willing to make anyone go through.

But you left her a chest with some golden carrots, some apples, and even some of the stew you’d made for Tubbo and Tommy. She liked the stew, so you left her a few bowls and even some juice to drink in case she got thirsty. You hugged her goodbye and told her you’d bring her a gift back. She nodded happily and then you sadly had to leave through the portal. Which you made sure to destroy after exiting it. Didn’t want anything wandering through. That would be a disaster.

Once you were back in the overworld you went home and sat on your bed and just thought. More than anything you just wanted to step in and prevent Schlatt and Quackity from winning. But you didn’t know if doing that would have dangerous consequences or not. You’d seen so many movies where a small change in the past ends up having massive effects in the future. Damn butterfly effects. Stopping them from winning the election could end up causing a civil war within L’manburg. Or Tubbo, Tommy, or Wilbur could end up hurt or even lose a life. Or something even more devastating could happen.

...But you hated the thought of Tommy and Wilbur getting exiled. It wasn’t fair or just. Especially while getting shot at and chased down like dogs. Schlatt and Quackity really pissed you off with that part. Seeing Ponk and Punz just instantly turn on the two original founders left you feeling utterly appalled. Schlatt hadn’t even been sworn in as president yet! He’d not taken an oath or anything! None of what he ‘decreed’ should have been taken as law! None of it was legal-

You pause. None of that WAS legal.. right? Did the citizens even know that? Were they aware that simply winning an election wasn’t the instant inauguration that Schlatt and Quackity made it out to be? Surely there was more to L’manburg than simply the bare bones parts that were shown on youtube in your original world. There had to be actual systemic structure for this whole ass small country. You wanted to believe there was, because the alternative made you facepalm. But at this point you honestly just didn’t know. You would need to have a discussion with Wilbur and Tommy (Wilbur more so since he was the adult in this situation).

You needed to talk to Wilbur asap.

-0-

Tubbo and Tommy came to get you bright and early, the blond looking more anxious than he was trying to let on. Seeing the usually so upbeat and grinning boy so nervous made your stomach churn. So you’d pulled him into a hug, not even letting him finish his greeting to you before you did. He went silent and was tense at first. But you took in a breath and said in as reassuring a tone as you could physically muster,

“Don’t worry kiddo. Things WILL be okay. I’ll make sure of it, alright?”

Tommy was silent, but you could hear the choked gasp of breath the boy took in, and you felt how his lanky body seemed to relax in your hold. He awkwardly put his arms around your back, seemingly not used to this, the whole hugging thing. At least not such heartfelt ones. He’s hugged Tubbo, Wilbur, and Philza but this one just felt different. It felt safer. Like if he stayed here nothing could hurt him. It was weird but.. nice. Part of the boy didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want to leave this new safe place. Here hugging you there was no fear of losing the election, no worries of wars with the DSMP, there was nothing bad. Just a pleasant warmth he felt like he could just fall asleep to.

But the bigger part of him knew he’d never hide away from his problems. It wasn’t who he was. He wasn’t some baby coward who hid behind mommy for protection when shit got tough. (missing how his subconscious referred to you as ‘mom’) He was a MAN! Nevermind he was barely 16! He was practically an adult (in his own eyes)! He’d fought in a war for independence! He’d battled for his and his countrymen’s freedom! There’s no way he’d cower away from this damned election!

With a new fire in him, largely in part to the confidence you seemed to have for him and L’manburg, he eventually pulled back from the hug and gave you one of his signature bright grins. He said thanks but there’s no way he was worrying! Like you said, things were gonna be fine! You gave him an encouraging smile in return and agreed, then added that if anything DID go wrong you’d stick by them and make sure it all got resolved. The teens looked grateful for your support. But then you bid the villagers goodbye for now and told the iron golems to make sure to keep them all safe.

Then you three were off to L’manburg.

-0-

Walking into L’manburg was weird. You’d only ever seen parts of it via the videos you’d watched from the various minecraft youtubers. But being there in person was wild, seeing all the buildings and pathways was interesting though. Tommy and Tubbo changed into their ‘presidential attire’, which were just those vaguely old school British military uniforms they wore at the start of the L’manburg thing. You still ruffled their hair and cooed over them, saying they looked like official little men. They got all huffy and Tommy swatted your hand away, making you laugh. Tubbo suggested showing you around before the election began, which you thought was a good idea. So the pair escorted you around L’manburg, showing you the main places plus their houses and favorite spots. You gave Tommy a Look and asked him if he really lived in a dirt hut.

“It’s DIRT Tommy, not even cobblestone. Just a dirty dirt hut,” you said with a sigh.

Tubbo snickered while Tommy tried defending himself. But he honestly was just making excuses though thankfully he got cut off by Wilbur showing up. He was in the same uniform as both teenagers and you saw him giving you a wide eyed look as he walked up. You could tell he was used to not being around someone so much taller than him. Which you guess made sense since he’d been hanging out with teenagers, a girl, and his own son mostly. You think Dream is taller than him but you don’t know how often they’re around each other peacefully to notice height..

“Oh, hello, you must be Reader! Tommy and Tubbo have told me about you!” the brunet man said with a charming smile.

You returned the smile and held your hand out for him to shake. He gave a firm handshake and you said he must be Wilbur and that the boys had mentioned him to you. He gave a sly smile to the two boys and asked if that was so, and said he hoped they’d said good things about him. Not liking his teasing tone Tommy cut in and said he told you about Wilbur being a bitch! You laughed and Wilbur punched Tommy in the shoulder, laughing when the boy loudly claimed he was abusing a child!

Wilbur rolled his eyes at the blond boy and asked what the occasion for you visiting his lovely country was. You gave a relaxed smile and said you just wanted to come out and support ‘big man’ and Tubbo on this exciting day! Wilbur smiled and perked up when Tubbo said they were giving you a tour of L’manburg. Wilbur asked why the shortest boy didn’t say so before and gestured for you to follow him, saying the best person to give a tour is always the president! You liked his charming enthusiasm but you could still see the nervousness just lurking under the surface for all three of them. You hated that their worry was justified.

-0-

Wilbur took over showing you around, Tubbo and Tommy right behind him adding little comments here and there to irk him. You ohh’d and ahh’d at the polite times, even saying how cool the place was. You even got shown Wilbur’s ‘ball house’ and their extensive nether pathways briefly. You got a bit distracted in the Nether, wondering if Azo was okay. Though you supposed she was a tough kid, what with having survived in the Nether her whole life so far. But she was just a little kid, still a toddler. She shouldn’t have to survive. She should be living.

“And I guess that’s the whole tour! I hope we’ve given you a good impression of my country~” Wilbur said with a smile, thoroughly snapping your attention back to the present.

You were thankful they couldn’t see how your eyes widened when you realized you’d totally zoned out during the last leg of the tour. Instead of worrying you just gushed and said you’d been really dazzled! The trio grinned and you ruffled Tommy’s hair and said you could expect no less from the big man himself and sweet Tubbo. The pair were happy to hear you praising the country they’d worked so hard to have, with Tommy even playfully swatting your hand away from your hair and saying anything he helped with would be the best. Wilbur gave a very big brother reply of ‘oh really?’ that was dripping with doubt, which started to set Tommy off.

The two started going back and forth, causing you to roll your eyes. Yeah they definitely had the brother vibe about them. Though Wilbur lost interest in arguing when he spotted someone a bit aways behind you and Tommy. He perked up and waved, calling out ‘FUNDY!’ to get his son’s attention. You all glanced over to see a fox hybrid in a uniform that was the same as the boys around you, only the coloring was off. Fundy’s was more pastel colored while the others were darker/more saturated. Wilbur waved him over and you noticed the way Fundy’s muzzle scrunched up when Wilbur threw an arm around his shoulders, but you said nothing. Not really your place but from what you remember of the smp videos… Wilbur wasn’t the ideal father figure to his furry son..

“Fundy, this is Reader! She’s a friend of Tubbo and Tommy’s! She came to support us today,” Wilbur said with a smile.

The fox quirked an eyebrow at you and asked a mildly incredulous voice if your name was actually ‘Reader’. Tommy told him to shut up and pointed out that his name was ‘Fundy’ so he had no room to be criticizing anybody’s name. Fundy raised his paws in surrender and said fine, whatever, no need to jump down his throat about it. You chuckled and said it was okay, it was a rather odd name. And you liked his name, it was cool. Tommy actually boo’d you while Fundy smiled, glad at least someone stuck up for him. Though that reminded Fundy to ask Wilbur if he’d seen the ballots…

Wilbur’s mood darkened and he gave a clipped, “Yeah, I saw them.” His tone making the other L’manburg citizens feel uncomfortable. You spoke up, asking what was wrong with them? Had someone tampered with them or something? Fundy sighed and rubbed the back of his neck and said yes and no. Yes someone had changed them but it wasn’t really ‘tampering’, just altering to fit with the new campaign runners. She gave his upset father a side glance, his triangular shaped ears going back when he saw the way Wilbur’s eyebrows were furrowed and his jaw clenched. Seems the current president was still pissed off that his son and first lady had decided to run against him together..

“Well we had to change the ballots to include all the people running, and even an ‘other’ option… Yeah,” Fundy said lowly.

You couldn’t help the way you raised an eyebrow at that and said,

“Isn’t that just the standard for ballots? Designing ballots to not show all the people their options would just be criminal.”

Wilbur didn’t seem to like your (in his opinion) unwanted input and said however L’manburg designed their ballots was none of your business anyways, especially since you weren’t even a citizen. You could feel yourself narrowing your eyes at the brunet, though nobody could see it, and replied that you didn’t need to be a citizen to point out that not putting all the names of those running on an ELECTORAL BALLOT was hugely unethical and borderline malicious hindrance to the citizen’s right to free choice. This little snit between you and the current president had dropped the mood low, with the three boys beside you looking more than uncomfortable.

But thankfully Tubbo found his voice and before Wilbur could retort to your statement he turned to you and said the election and debate would be starting soon and that he’d sit in the audience with you. This reminded Wilbur that he needed to practice his speech and debate responses with Tommy so he straightened his posture and adjusted his coat before giving you a faux smile and then telling Tubbo they’d see him afterwards. You kept a polite smile on your face as the four led you to an open part of the village center where a large stage/platform had been built along with seating in front of it. Wilbur jerked his thumb towards the stage and told Tommy to come on and the blond boy said he’d be right there in a moment. The brunet looked put out but nodded and stalked off, leaving the four alone in the audience area.

Once he was out of earshot you turned to Tommy and gave him a disbelieving look and said in a hushed tone,

“Tommy, you and Wilbur weren’t ACTUALLY planning to tamper with the ballots were you?? That’s insanely unconstitutional! The people of L’manburg have a right to know and be able to choose whichever voting option they want. If they don’t have that option then it’s not a real election, it’s just the illusion of choice.”

The blond looked uncomfortable, sweating and avoiding eye lens contact with you. He felt ashamed because… well that HAD been the plan. At least Wilbur told him it had been before Quackity found out. He’d not been sure about the plan but he hadn’t done much to argue with Wilbur either. He’d convinced himself it wasn’t that big of a deal, but seeing how shocked and offended you looked that they’d even thought about doing that made him feel like a bastard. You saw how nervous he looked and sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing softly before reassuring him you weren’t angry.

“I’m not mad at you Tommy, I’m just disappointed that this was something you went along with. You have to know how wrong that was? Imagine you were a regular citizen and you voted in the election but later found out it was all rigged, you’d never had a choice regarding your country like you’d been led to believe. Wouldn’t you feel wronged?”

Tommy seemed to deflate at your words but gave a remorseful nod, neither of you noticing that your words seemed to have also struck a chord with both Fundy and Tubbo as well. You gave the blond boy a reassuring smile, saying that part of being a member of government was respecting the people’s choices. Even if you think it’s stupid and wrong. You have to let the people choose for themselves. The ability to choose is sometimes the only difference between merely existing on this bitch of a world and actually Living~

Tommy seemed to have taken your words to heart, making you smile at him before pulling him into a half hug and saying sincerely,

“I’m proud of you Tommy, Tubbo too. You’ve both done so much for this country. More than any child should ever have to. I wish more than anything that you’d not HAD to sacrifice and lose so much. But I’ll be here to support you both going forward. I just don’t want either of you doing anything unethical. You’re both better than that.”

Tubbo almost teared up and came over and let his face rest against your side in a show of affection. He’d never had anyone say they were proud of him before and honestly.. he didn’t know how badly he needed to hear it until you said it. Tommy leaned into your hug, close to tearing up like his best friend but he blinked rapidly until the tears faded.

None of them noticed the envious way Fundy stared at them, feeling jealousy bubble in his stomach at the way you seemed to care for the two boys. He felt childish for feeling that way but he couldn’t help it. You clearly cared about the two in a maternal way, that much was obvious. But you weren’t treating them like babies either. You were respectful and loving at the same time. Fundy wondered if that’s what it was like to have a mother..

“TOMMY! COME ON! THE RALLY STARTS SOON!”

They all broke away when they heard Wilbur yelling down at them from the podium. Tubbo sighed and Tommy straightened his hat before giving a cheeky smile. You told him to go give his best, and no matter what happened you’d be proud. This pumped the blond boy up and he gave a cheer before ruffling Tubbo’s hair and turning to the stage and running up around the side to get to the top, you and the brunet watching him go. That’s when you remembered the fox hybrid that was still standing close by. You offer him a calm smile and say kindly,

“So, Fundy was it?”

------

tagged folks: @salinesoot @lady-bee-fechin @kacchasu @putridjoy @lunawritesstories @galaxypankitty3030 @paradigmax @zachariethememerie @killmewithafanfic @trinity-1002107 @hufflepuff-demigod @truthdaze @exorcisms-with-elmo @redbloodtea @heythereimhaylz @olyink @jackalopedoodles @nikkineeky @artsimatsu @hufflepuff-demigod @corpiet @beepa99 @anxiousnarwhale @bananaaddictmilkshake

#Laurel Wreaths & Animal Teeth #technoblade x reader #techno x reader #dsmp #dream smp #c!tommy #c!tuboo #c!wilbur #c!fundy

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angelicamerlinbarnes · 3 years

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Okay but like I feel like Diego is the kind of person to flirt with really bad pick-up lines and Klaus is just Not Having It

featuring: Diego being a flustered Mama's boy and Klaus being a disaster dumbass and the two of them being completely in love with each other anyway

DISCLAIMER: None of the pick-up lines are mine, but the responses and ensuing shenanigans are :)

(there's fifty of these so buckle up kids :) sorry not sorry <3)

seriously though some of these are really bad

#1: He A Snack

Diego: Baby, you belong in the vending machine because you’re a snack.

Klaus: Diego you know I’m claustrophobic.

Diego: Don’t you mean Klaus-trophobic??? *finger guns*

Klaus: *blinks*

Klaus: I want a divorce.

#2: I’m From Hell

Diego: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Klaus: I’m a veteran addict and abuse victim who can see ghosts, Diego.

Klaus: Everything hurts.

#3: Animal Puns

Diego: *points to TV screen playing the Discovery Channel* Hey Klaus.

Diego: You’re my otter half.

Klaus: Diego those are meerkats.

#4: Stars

Diego: The stars are beautiful tonight.

Klaus: Yup.

Diego: You know who else is beautiful?

Klaus: Ben.

#5: Get Out Your Handcuffs Mister

Diego: You’re under arrest… for stealing my heart.

Klaus: Diego you got kicked out of the police academy like five years ago, just give up.

#6: Bad Boys

Diego: *leaning against the doorframe like a moron* So. I hear you like bad boys.

Klaus: Diego you cried because you accidentally stepped on a bee last week.

Diego: Well yeah but -

Klaus: You held a funeral for it. You made us all speak. You had Allison fly in from California. It was a fucking bee, Diego.

Diego: … I wear leather?

Klaus: So does every other kid who shops at Hot Topic. You’re not special.

#7: Prince Charming

Diego: Your knight in shining armor is here -

Klaus: One, that’s a turtleneck, not armor.

Klaus: Two, you’re covered in blood. That’s the opposite of shiny.

Klaus: Three, you smell like dead fish. Go take a shower.

#8: Chemistry

Diego: Did we have a class together? Because I could’ve sworn we had -

Klaus: Chemistry? Yup. Also English and math and foreign languages and history and like every other fucking thing because we grew up in the same sadistic boarding school, Diego.

#9: The Store Can’t Just Give Away Things For Free. That’s A Terrible Way To Run A Business.

Diego: I like your pants.

Klaus: Thanks. I got them out of a dumpster. And yes, you can have them 100% off.

Diego: *voice cracks* Really?

Klaus: No.

#10: Boyfriend Material

Diego: My jeans are made of -

Klaus: You’re wearing leather pants Diego.

Diego: Okay but -

Klaus: So they’re made of leather and they’re not fucking jeans.

#11: Digits

Diego: I lost my phone number. Can I have -

Klaus: None of us have phones, Diego.

Diego: I can… buy us some?

Klaus: Fine. I want my number to be 1-420-420-4201.

Diego: Baby no.

Klaus: *pulling out the puppy dog eyes* Pwetty pwease?

Diego: Fine, but mine’s gonna be 1-696-969-6969.

Klaus: I love you so much. Marry me. Have my babies.

#12: Love At First Sight

Diego: Do you believe in love at first sight or -

Klaus: If I did I’d have already fallen in love with a lot of hot ghosts.

Diego: - should I walk by again?

Klaus: You’ve been pacing for the past ten minutes, Gogo. I think if it was gonna happen it would’ve by now.

#13: You Have Fine Written All Over You

Diego: Are you a parking ticket? Cause -

Klaus: Diego I can’t drive.

#14: His Eyes Are Green Not Blue You Dipshit

Diego: Your eyes are an ocean, and I’m lost at sea.

Klaus: ... can’t you, like, hold your breath forever?

Diego: *blinks* Baby, I love you, but you’re ruining this with our childhood trauma.

Klaus: Well since you’ve refused therapy I just thought this was the next best option.

Diego: I take back what I said about loving you.

#15: Math Is Dumb And I Wish School Would Stop Teaching It

Diego: Are you a forty-five degree angle?

Klaus: Actually, because humans have non-linear body shapes, it’s impossible for their specific angles to be measured -

Diego: Are you high or have you been defiling Five’s books again?

Klaus: *blinks* Why can’t it be both?

Diego: *rethinking life decisions*

#16: Baby I’m All Yours

Diego: Do you have a name?

Klaus: Klaus.

Diego: Or can I call you mine?

Klaus: I mean I prefer “baby”, but sure.

Diego: *super wide eyes* Really?

Klaus: *melts into a puddle of glitter* Yeah, Gogo.

#17: (Not) Bookworms

Diego: Thank god I brought my library card. Cause I’m here to check you out.

Klaus: *through a mouthful of waffles* God isn’t real. We all die and rot beneath the earth to be eaten by maggots. There is no such thing as a higher power.

Klaus: *swallows waffles and takes a really loud slurp of an orange juice and chocolate milk combo*

Klaus: Oh, and the library’s closed for renovations til, like, Christmas so you’re outta luck, sorry.

Diego: I thought you met god? Little girl on a bicycle?

Klaus: Her? Nah, only Satan’s got that much sass. Plus, that wasn’t heaven.

Diego: And you know this how?

Klaus: *squishes Diego’s face with both hands* Think about it. Do you really think dear ol’ dad’s in heaven?

Diego: Can you let of my face please?

#18: Bad Move, Buddy

Diego: Are you a pre-historic fossil? Cause you’re my missing link.

Klaus:

Klaus: Did you just call me old?

Diego, backing out of the room slowly: What? No! No of course not! No, obviously no, absolutely not -

Klaus: *releases savage war cry*

Diego: *runs for his goddamn life*

#19: I Rate This 0/10

Diego: Are you from Tennessee? Cause you’re the only -

Klaus: I don’t know where I’m from. I’m an orphan.

Diego: Oh… I know, baby -

Klaus: And the piece of shit that adopted me lived in New York anyway. We’re in New York right now actually. Do you need a geography lesson? I think Pogo’s got a map -

Diego: Klaus.

#20: Oh Shit

Diego: If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

Klaus:

Klaus: *tears up* I’m nothing?

Diego: Oh no. No no no. No, baby, you’re not nothing, don’t cry, I’m so sorry, that’s not what I meant, baby - oh my god please don’t cry -

#21: You’ve Got Everything I’m Searching For

Diego: Is your name Google? Because -

Klaus: Diego. For the last time…

Klaus: My name is Kimberly Linda Aerealia Ulysses Saffron Hargreeves the Twenty-Fourth. I don’t know why I need to keep explaining this to you -

Diego, kissing him quiet: You’re my favorite person in the world, you know that?

#22: Don’t Make Bets You’ll Lose, Luther.

Diego: Luther bet me a hundred bucks I couldn’t talk to the prettiest person here. How do you wanna spend his money?

Klaus: Drugs.

Diego: Baby -

Klaus: *beams* Nah, I’m just kidding. Stuffed giraffes.

Diego: *grins* For Five?

Klaus: *nods* For Five.

Diego:

Klaus:

Diego: He’ll hate them.

Klaus: Exactly. Let’s go.

#23: Deja Vu

Diego: Have we met before?

Klaus: Yes. Obviously. Are you also high?

Diego: No -

Diego: Wait, you’re high?

Klaus:

Diego:

Klaus:

Diego:

Klaus: No?

#24: Such An Optimist

Diego: Are you a time traveller?

Klaus: No, that’s Five.

Diego: Cause I think you’re my future!

Klaus: *stares blankly*

Diego: No? Nothing? Nada?

Klaus: In the future we’re all dead dipshit.

Klaus: Because. Ya know.

Klaus: THERE’S A FUCKING APOCALYPSE COMING.

Diego:

Diego: Okay then.

#25: Please Go To The Hospital.

Diego: Are you my appendix? Cause my stomach’s fluttering and I think I should take you out.

Klaus:

Klaus: Did you drink water from the fish tank again?

Diego: *turning green* Luther dared me to okay???!!!!

#26: Suicidal Tendencies

Diego: Hey gorgeous -

Klaus: Let me guess. I should drop dead?

Diego: What?! No! Baby -

#27: Infinitely On The Naughty List (And Not The Good Kind Of Naughty List (If There Is One I’m Asexual I Don’t Know))

Diego: Are you Santa Klaus? Cause you make all my wishes come true.

Klaus:

Klaus: You have five seconds to run.

Diego: *already two streets away* Fucking shit -

#28: You Can’t Use That Every Time We Have An Argument, Tony.

Diego: Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?

Klaus: I mean, there’s one in the corner of our living room right now, so I guess?

Diego:

Diego: *squeaks* You - you can see dinosaur ghosts?

Klaus: I mean, there’s a chance that thing Ben’s petting is just a super deformed ostrich, but yeah, I think so.

Diego:

Diego: *tearing up* That’s so cool.

#29: A Whole New Kind Of Thirst Trap

Diego: I’m thirsty. But guess whose body is 75% water?

Diego: *smirks*

Klaus: *frowns*

Klaus: Hold on, I know this one…

Diego: Klaus -

Klaus: *snaps fingers* Oh, I know! Luther!

Diego: *horrified* What the fuck Klaus why the fuck would you say that -

#30: What A Tragedy

Diego: You must be a campfire. Because you’re super hot and I want s’more.

Klaus:

Klaus: Diego sweetheart, you’re allergic to marshmallows.

Diego: *tearing up* I know.

Klaus: You wanna hug, baby?

Diego: *crying* Yes please.

#31: That Can’t Be Allowed

Diego: Don’t tell me if you want me to take you out to dinner. Just smile for yes, or do a backflip/somersault/counter-spin gymnastics combination for no.

Klaus: *smirks*

Klaus: *does a triple flip and lands perfectly on the top of the bar counter*

Diego: *turns bright red* That was h-h-hot.

Klaus: *beams and jumps down into Diego’s arms bridal-style*

Klaus: *kisses his cheek* I know, baby.

#32: Merry Christmas

Diego: You’re the reason Santa started the Naughty List.

Klaus: *blinks*

Klaus: *pouts*

Klaus: No fair! He told me last week I was on the Nice List!

Diego: What? Klaus? What does that -

Diego: OH MY GOD KLAUS IS SANTA DEAD???!!!!

#33: I’ll Keep You Safe, Honey.

Diego: I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me instead?

Klaus: *pulls out a stuffed tiger*

Klaus: He got lost in the kitchen. Don’t worry, I rescued him for you.

Diego: *takes soft tiger*

Diego: *voice cracks* Oh. Thanks.

Klaus: *kisses his forehead* You’re welcome, baby.

#34: Excuse Me?

Diego: The only thing your eyes haven’t told me is your name.

Klaus, internally: Shit. What if he finds out I stole like five of his knives and all of the cookies last week?

Klaus, externally: *blinks*

Klaus: Um… Stefonopolis?

#35: I Am Not Apologizing For This One

Diego: If you were a steak, you’d be well done.

Klaus: But I’m so unique…

Klaus: I talk to the dead, Diego.

Diego: Okay…?

Klaus: *smirks*

Klaus: So wouldn’t I be medium rare?

Ben: Ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

#36: Leonardo Da Vinci Was Arrested Multiple Times For Homosexual Activity.

Diego: Is this a museum? Cause you’re a work of art.

Klaus: *dancing to the soundtrack of High School Musical 3* Actually Five took me back to Italy once. Leonardo da Vinci and I had some fun.

Diego:

Diego: Oh my god. Seriously?

Diego: *looks up picture of Mona Lisa, now titled Mona Klausa*

Diego: How the fuck -

#37: Why Would You Say That Though

Diego: Am I sleepwalking? Cause I’ve only seen you in my dreams.

Klaus: *sitting on the counter and eating a donut in one bite* Are they dirty?

Luther: *chokes on a pickle*

Diego: Oh my god no -

Diego: Well sometimes -

Diego: I mean no of course not -

Luther: *praying to whoever’s up there to just kill him already*

#38: Be Safe Kids!

Diego: Can you hold this for me?

Klaus: Sweetie, you need to wash your hands.

#39: Apocalypse Averted!

Diego: If looks could kill, you’d be a weapon of mass destruction.

Klaus: *blinks*

Klaus: I thought that was Vanya.

Diego:

Diego, panicking: Holy shit Klaus you can’t just say things like that -

Vanya: *crying from laughter*

#40: Attractive

Diego: Do you swallow magnets? Because you’re -

Klaus: *shoves him up against the wall*

Klaus: How did you find out? Who told you? Was it Ben? I swear to god I’ll kill him -

Diego: *squeaks* What?

#41: First You’ve Gotta Propose Diego

Diego: Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?

Klaus: Diego. Did you buy me a cake?

Diego:

Klaus:

Diego:

Klaus: I’m waiting.

Diego: Right sir yes sir right away sir -

#42: He May Not Be A Kitten But He Is As Soft As One

Diego: If I followed you home, would you keep me?

Klaus: I’m homeless, Diego.

Diego: What? You are? Oh no, baby - you can come stay with me?

Klaus: *looks up from Disney Princess coloring book and raises an eyebrow* Is your bed available?

Diego, blushing: Ye-yeah, b-ba-baby. Whe-whenever you-u w-want.

Klaus: *smiles*

Klaus: *takes Diego’s hand*

Klaus: Okay.

Diego: *dies a little bit inside (in a good way)*

#43: It’s Just You.

Diego: Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Klaus, blushing: I -

Five: DIEGO. THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE. NOW IS NOT THE TIME.

#44: ‘Scuse Me, Mate?

Diego: You know, penguins mate for life. Wanna be my penguin?

Klaus: Eh. I’ve always been more of an iguana man.

Diego:

Diego: What?

#45: You Look Like… Antonio Banderas With The Long Hair.

Diego: How’s the most beautiful person in the world doing today?

Klaus: *buried in a Vogue magazine* I don’t know I’m not Antonio Banderas.

#46: What The Fuck Klaus

Diego: Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.

Klaus: *hands him a Candyland board* Here. I stole it from Pogo.

#47: You Dumbass

Diego: I hate my last name. Can I borrow yours?

Klaus:

Klaus: We have the same last name, Diego.

Diego: *blinks*

Diego: Fuck you’re right -

#48: Okay But Diego Would Make A Great Aladdin Though

Diego: I’m not a genie, but I can still make your dreams come true.

Klaus: *wrinkles his nose*

Klaus: You can get me a pink elephant with jaundice?

Diego: *blinks*

Diego: What the fuck Klaus -

#49: HELLO

Diego: Is that a knife or are you just happy to see me?

Klaus: I don’t just have random knives on me Diego, I’m not you.

Diego: So you are happy to see me?

Klaus: I mean you just interrupted a very riveting episode of Sesame Street, so… we’ll see.

#50: It’s Always Best To Start With The Truth.

Diego: I love you.

Klaus: *beams* That’s all you had to say, darling.

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raeynbowboi · 4 years

Text

How to Play as Rayla in DnD 5e

This is one of the builds I was requested to make, so let’s dissect her powers, skills, and abilities and figure out how someone would go about playing as Rayla. I will be taking into account Unearthed Arcana. They may not technically be official yet, but it’s DnD stuff, and if it exists, I’ll use it.

Moon Prism Power

Rayla is a Moonshadow Elf. There are Moon variant High Elves that also get an innate talent for magic. Easy enough. As a high elf, Rayla gets +2 DEX and +1 INT, and a free wizard cantrip. We’ll give her minor illusion since moon magic is focused on illusions. While it’s true that Rayla does sleep, we can just say that Rayla’s clever enough to find a way to resist sleep spells like she did when Claudia tried to put her to sleep. Plus Half-elf’s added CHA stat would not help her build one bit.

Rayla does what she thinks is right, even if it breaks tradition or expectations. She’s also not selfish. She was okay with losing her hand to keep Ezran safe and alive. Rayla is True Good.

We’ll give Rayla the Adopted background since Runaan and Ethari took her in after her parents died, and will give her proficiencies with Deception, Persuasion, and Stealth. You could argue that as an assassin, she could be a criminal, but being an assassin doesn’t seem to be an illegal occupation in Xadia. She could be a Soldier, but whatever level she might have held in the moonshadow elf military is gone now, so it would only serve to make her skilled in athletics and intimidation.

In A Class All Her Own

Monk Shadow: As an assassin and a Moonshadow Elf, this was almost too easy of an option. Ironically, Moon Druid didn’t work so well, but Rayla would realistically have a pretty high DEX and WIS stat, so a monk class would be great at raising her AC. Rayla doesn’t need a lot of levels in Monk, just enough for her unarmored defense, and maybe Extra Attack and Evasion, but the later talents to become immune to disease and poison go a little too far for what she’s able

Ranger Gloom Stalker: Rangers typically do well with archery, but dual-wielding two short swords is another option for Rangers. By level 5, they also get Extra Attack, though Monk gets that as well, so trying to avoid doubling up is something to keep in mind. Rangers also get to pick a favored enemy so you can channel your racism into super potent hate crimes against those dirty humans. You can pick up a dash action, Hide without needing to move, Hide as a bonus action with no way of being tracked or followed, fight invisible enemies, and add your WIS mod to your melee weapon attacks. As a Gloom Stalker, you gain magic that actually fits really really well for a Moonshadow Elf, the ability to ambush effectively, see in darkness and become invisible in darkness, even to creatures with Darkvision, become proficient in WIS, INT, or CHA saving throws, turn a missed attack into a hit, and invoke the darkness to make yourself harder to hit.

Rogue Assassin: As a Rogue, you gain cunning actions, skill expertise, uncanny dodge to reduce the damage when someone does hit you, and evade all the damage you’d take if you make a DEX saving throw, which you have proficiency in. As an assassin, you get proficiencies with Disguise Kits so you can convince people that you’re Human!Rayla, and when you manage a surprise attack, it’s an instant critical. However, Rayla is an assassin who has never killed anyone, so it might not be a great fit. Scout: As a scout, you gain an improvement to your mobility and can move away from enemies without provoking an opportunity attack, and you get proficiency with Nature and Survival so that you can know to use a rose to keep yourself from falling asleep and follow tracks easily.

Stats and Proficiencies

As an elven assassin, your DEX and WIS scores are the top priority. You need to be flexible, nimble, and alert. A good CON stat will make sure you can shake off a kick square in the chest and run without getting winded. Ordinarily, you’d want a good STR stat to do well with your melee weapon attacks, but as a Monk, you can treat your shortswords as Monk Weapons and swing with your DEX stat instead. and INT and CHA just aren’t super important to this build.

Acrobatics Deception Insight Intimidation Investigation Perception Persuasion Nature Stealth Survival

Name: Rayla Race: High Moon Elf Background: Adopted Alignment: True Good Class: Scout Rogue (8) Gloom Stalker Ranger (8) Shadow Monk (4) Base Stats: Strength: 10 (0) Dexterity: 20 (+5) Constitution: 14 (+2) Intelligence: 10 (0) Wisdom: 20 (+5) Charisma: 10 (0) Saving Throws: Strength: 0 Dexterity: +11 Constitution: +2 Intelligence: +6 Wisdom: +11 Charisma: 0 Combat Stats: HP: 151 AC: 20 Speed: 40 Initiative: +10 Number of Attacks: 2 Hit Dice: 8d8, 8d10, 4d8 Proficiency Bonus: +6 Passive Perception: 27 Dark Vision: 90 feet Proficiencies and Expertise: Acrobatics (Rogue) Animal Handling (Ranger) Athletics (Rogue) Deception (Adopted) Insight (Rogue) Investigation Nature (Scout) Perception (Elf) Persuasion (Adopted) Stealth (Adopted) Survival (Scout) Skills: Acrobatics: +17 Medicine: +5 Animal Handling: +11 Nature: +6 Arcana: 0 Perception: +17 Athletics: +6 Performance: 0 Deception: +6 Persuasion: +6 History: 0 Religion: 0 Insight: +11 Sleight of Hand: +5 Intimidation: 0 Stealth: +17 Investigation: +6 Survival: +17

Condition Immunities Magical Sleep

Equipment: Shortsword x2

Monk Feature: Ki Ki Points: 4

Ranger Feature: Fighting Style Two- Weapon Fighting: Add your DEX mod to your off-hand weapon attack.

Ranger Feature: Favored Enemy Elf Dragon Human

Ranger Feature: Favorite Terrain Forest Mountain

Spell Slots 1st (4) 2nd (3)

Rayla’s Spellbook

Cantrips Minor Illusion 1st Level Detect Magic Disguise Self Hunter’s Mark Jump Longstrider 2nd Level Pass Without Trace Rope Trick

Actions:

Primeval Awareness: Spend X spell slot, Sense creature types for X minutes within 1 mile, or 6 miles in favored terrain.

Bonus Actions:

Cunning Action: Aim, Dash, Disengage, or Hide once per turn. Flurry of Blows: After an Attack, spend 1 Ki to make 2 Unarmed Strikes Martial Arts: Make an extra unarmed strike after an Attack Action. Patient Defense: Spend 1 Ki to take Dodge Action Step of the Wind: Spend 1 Ki to Dash or Disengage, Jump distance doubles.

Reactions:

Deflect Missiles: Reduce ranged damage by 1d10+9. At 0, return to sender. Slow Fall: Reduce falling damage by 20. Uncanny Dodge: Take 1/2 damage from attackers you can see.

Features:

Dread Ambusher: Add your WIS to your Initiative, your speed becomes 50 during the first turn, and make an additional 1d8 weapon attack on that turn. Evasion: On a successful DEX save, take 0 damage. Extra Attack: Make a second attack action once per turn. Favored Enemy: Advantage at tracking and fighting Humans, Elves, and Dragons. +2 damage against favored enemies. Fey Ancestry: You fall into a trance instead of sleeping and remain alert. Iron Mind: You gain proficiency in Wisdom saving throws. Land’s Stride: Nonmagical difficult terrain can’t slow your movement. Natural Explorer: In favorite terrain, double bonus proficiency INT and WIS saving throws, your group isn’t slowed by difficult terrain, you can’t be surprised, you can move stealthily at normal pace, double food when foraging, and determine the number, size, and speed of creatures being tracked. Shadow Arts: Spend 2 ki to cast Darkness, Darkvision, Pass Without Trace, and Silence. Skirmisher: move up to 1/2 your speed when foes end within 5 ft of you. Sneak Attack: Deal 4d6 extra damage when attacking with advantage. Survivalist: Gain Nature and Survival proficiencies. Thieves’ Cant: Hear and convey secret messages in casual conversation. Trance: Trance for 4 hours instead of sleeping for 8. Trust Issues: Other elves have difficulty trusting and believing you due to your family history. Umbral Sight: Increase your darkvision by 30 feet.

How do you guys feel I did with Rayla’s build? If she learned more moon magic, a pure Gloom Stalker might have worked perfectly for them, but for Rayla who is less skilled, I had to fill out her levels with other classes and subclasses. Would you build Rayla differently? And this is the first of my many requested builds. If you have a character you’d like me to build, send me a request, and I’ll add it to the list.

#dungeons and dragons #rayla #tdp rayla #moonshadow elf #moonshadow elves #elf #elves #the dragon prince #tdp #dnd 5e #dnd #d&d #5e #fifth edition #5th edition #request #requested build #season 3

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kimyoonmiauthor · 3 years

Text

Gender

Lower engagement, but higher personal satisfaction... let’s go for that.

How I define my gender.

I’ve never really been 100% committed to being a woman.

https://www.quora.com/How-do-I-know-I-am-cisgender-Ive-heard-some-cis-people-do-question-their-gender-and-Im-trying-to-tell-whether-Im-trans-or-one-of-these-cases Taking the questions from here... it would split this way: Gender dysphoria- when I was younger, a little. Gender Euphoria- never. Gender Politics (beyond basic empathy for others)- Oh fuck no. I don’t get why so many, particularly cis men are hung up on men must wear pants and not pink. I *do* look for women in history, but it’s more like a solidarity and hating erasure of marginalized groups and celebrating those marginalized groups. So political one way, but not particularly on the philosophical performance part. I also tend to spend a lot of time on things I don’t understand.

“Do you feel equally comfortable in men and women’s fashion, only noticing the practical differences?” Pretty much. If you give me a man’s suit I’d wear it. I had no issues with playing as a man for a skit.

Are you basically ambivalent about makeup? 50/50. Sometimes I do care and do it for “funsies” but most of the time I don’t care because I don’t like “woman as object and consumerism.”

“Do you ‘play along’ when someone tells you what your assignment should be doing, but also don’t really care?”

Pretty much true. Like I was told girls aren’t supposed to like dirt. Screw that. girls aren’t supposed to like sports. I was like screw that. Girls aren’t supposed to like bugs. So what?

I did tend to read more women-led fiction over men’s fiction, but that’s mostly because men’s fiction has “gems” that sexualize women in ways that made me squirm. Cis het men’s writing about women usually piss me off, so I usually don’t try. And I’m all about the fairness. (But also note I’m gray-aro and read a crapton of romance, so who knows how that all works. I’m also gray-a and read a crapton of romance, though not sex repulsed (more like somewhere between sex neutral and receptive? I rated myself a 6-7... on a 0-9 scale.)) Gender tests I’ve taken: 50/50. Usually get something like demi-boy or demi girl. Though I don’t really have that much dysphoria. I do occasionally feel pissed off about my sex presentation, but that’s not really dysphoria as in I hate my body parts actively. It’s more like, why do I have to bother with it? It’s so much work to have to worry in the first place.

When you look in the mirror, do you feel like there’s nothing that really needs to be changed?

This one is more like why do I have to care so much? I feel gender fucked. Like why do I have to go through the steps?

Are you happy with your hair, your chest, the shape of your face?

50/50 on this one.

Aside from maybe wanting to bulk up, wash your hair, or lose a few pounds, are you generally pleased with your appearance?

I give no shits?

Do you appreciate your genitals?

75%/25% appreciation/hate. Sometimes I hate they exist.

Do you like the idea of using them in sex or to make a baby?

This is more like my ace side, I think, but meh? Take it or leave it.

Do they make you feel connected to other people with the same genitals socially, such as complaining about periods, or talking about dick length?

Not really. I’m more like why do you care so fucking much? But I’m not sure how much this is an ace thing.

Do you feel like even if you don’t use them, it’s comfortable just having them around?

Sometimes, not always. Might also be an ace thing.

If you were in a social group of only your assigned gender, would you be happy with it?

Not always. I don’t evaluate that way. Trans people are cool. I pick usually by belief systems and who the person is, morally.

Would it be fairly easy to communicate and find things in common?

I feel ambivalent sometimes towards other women, especially when they go off on tangents about mall shopping, clothes, etc. I feel the same about men talking about watching sports and warfare.

Would you feel harmonious and homogeneous with the group, if the individuals had personalities you liked?

Meh? I also listen to people I don’t like.

If you took away all the physical features that made up your assignment, what gender are you now? Where does that feeling come from?

I’m still me. I don’t care.

If you got to choose your gender upon reincarnation, what would you pick?

Flip a coin. Roll a dice. I don’t give a fuck.

If a wizard changed your sex permanently, would you be pissed or excited?

Meh. Don’t care.

What gender characters do you generally play in RPGs, and what options do you wish were more frequently available?

I’ve generally played women, given no other options besides binary, but also moonlighted as men, but then felt sick because male privilege.

“Do I FEEL like my assigned gender?”*

Shrugs. Not that committed. If you got an all-expenses paid trip to womanhood spa central, and became a socially idealized version of yourself, THEN would you feel like a woman?

No. I oscillate between liking make up for the pure knowledge of it, and not giving a fuck. I’ve never understood the hours of make up, hair performance, etc.

As a child, I was the type that wanted to be good at *everything* and was upset that my Dad wouldn’t give me the time of day for “masculine” things. I was *also* good at figuring things out. I *also* wanted to be good at sports. I *also* like girly things occasionally. I wanted it all and didn’t see why my brother or me got compliments for different things and felt deep insult when I couldn’t do that too and also get compliments for it. (If you’re imagining an annoying precocious child--that’s about right) I don’t see the point of the gender construct when it re-enforces ideas of genders can do only certain things, when it’s never been proven true. So why are people so effing committed to performing it? I wear hanbok. I’ll wear a male one. I’ll make an androgynous one. I wear those without issue. I’ll cross dress if I like, because I don’t really see the point and European and European-derived defined genders as fucked in the first place. What is this men==violence and horses thing? What is this women==weakness and capitalism thing? I don’t get it. And why do I have to wear European-derived clothes in the first place? Plus from my academic study of gender and gender history, that just cemented for me how fucked up the White European and White European diaspora is about gender in the first place and I feel even less committed to it. I do perform usually more like a woman than a man, but it’s more like whatever is convenient, rather than an absolute commitment to the role. ‘cause you know, my gender is my least concern here, (probably along with ace aro) while not quite hating on it. I wear my hair long, because money and I don’t feel like cutting it very often and I like to be able to keep it out of my food, as well.

I don’t mind masculine pronouns in theory, because whatever floats your boat. But I do care if you think foreign name==men, because that’s giving into masculine hegemony and that is rude to other people unlike me who might be more committed to their genders, and that I definitely care about.

#gender #gender identity

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0poole · 3 years

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Bloons

Honestly the entire Bloons series has been some of my favorite flash/other-than-flash games out there, and I feel like it’s worth bringing it up since I just crossed the 365 day threshold for BTD6. Maybe in the past, but nowadays I definitely don’t feel like I ever play a game daily for a year straight. Chances are it was a little desperate when I first started playing, but as of now literally every single day I open the game up and play the daily challenge just for the sake of it. Plus, since the chest technically resets every 9 hours or so instead of 24, I could’ve cheesed it a bit, but I didn’t. That’s a pure 365 days of playing the game.

And even apart from that, the entire Bloons series has been in my mind since the first one and my middle/elementary school Coolmath Games days. Even though the puzzle, pure form of Bloons wasn’t as much in my interest, the staying power of the Tower Defense version is crazy. Flash Tower Defense games are plenty, and yet the one with the stupid monkeys throwing darts at balloons was the best.

I went back semi-recently and played a round of each BTD, and I gotta say, it was fun seeing where everything came from. 1 is absolute garbage, forcing you to just spam Super Monkeys if you want to get anywhere, but a good starting point obviously. I honestly know nothing about the people creating these games, but obviously it wasn’t made by a AAA crew, so you can’t expect everything to be put in place in the first iteration. 2 and 3 feel much better, but obviously not much after being so used to the modern stuff, and 4 and 5 are the ones that really shine the most, apart from 6 obviously.

I definitely was one of the types of people who initially reacted poorly to the artstyle change of 5 and 6, but I’ve definitely turned over. I don’t know if the whole BTD community rioted at that point, but I at least was like “ew, they’re cute now” when I first saw it. Thankfully I turned over, and realized the current designs are the absolute best out of the entire franchise. Also, I love their cuteness, as I love cuteness in general, so basically just call it character growth. Even though 2D art always is more interesting for games than 3D in general, the entire art direction of 6 is genuinely really good, being so bright and cartoony (at least before the fifth stages of upgrades) really fits the cartoony idea of monkeys popping bloons. 5, and the entire franchise before it, really is proof enough how horrible a pure top-down perspective is. On the title screen, you can see what the monkeys are supposed to look like, but in-game they literally look like weird blobby scorpions. Even though in the back of my mind I knew what they were supposed to look like, the pure top-down perspective completely ruined the image. Not to mention the OG designs for the monkeys was really weird and bad anyway. Even if you wanted a goofy fat kind of monkey, there are a million better ways to achieve that than how it used to be. Again, of course, they weren’t exactly AAA game-level quality, so you can’t expect such perfect character design.

But, oh my god. One of the things about this game that must’ve kept me through 6 was the character designs. If you know anything about me, it’s that I love a good character design, and 6 is full of them. It’s so interesting to see how they extrapolate the main concepts of each tower into their three different paths. The generic Superman-based monkey can turn into a Batman-based monkey, a Terminator-based monkey, and a fucking ancient god of the sun. The seemingly chill Druid can smite people with the power of Zeus, become the much more expected forest-based type, but also turn into this completely out-there being of pure wrath. I could go on and on about that, but needless to say for so many of them look and are designed so great. I think the tower with the coolest level 5s of the game is the Ninja. It’s hard to explain, but they all just look really cool while also not deviating too much from the cartoony-cute art style. I think my all-time favorite level 5 is the top path of the Wizard, mostly just because he looks really cool, but also because the parts of the path before it show him aging and growing out his beard. I also have to say the 2-0-3/4 Wizard also looks exactly my style, with the dark purply-ness and gold rims. Also, if you haven’t noticed, the Magic monkeys are my favorite type, and not just because their signature color is purple. That’s part of it though. Magic is also just cool in general. My main RPG-class of choice is almost always a mage/wizard.

Also, the heroes are also really fun. As someone who often creates species of aliens/monsters, I always feel like I want to create a dedicated character out of them no matter what, so I feel like the heroes are basically just that. And, of course they have good designs too, and of course as you can probably guess my favorite is Adora, basically being the same thing as the 5-0-0 Wizard with the Sun God aesthetic. Since she has her own stage and a special interaction with the True Sun God/Vengeful Monkey, I think she’s a pretty big deal anyway. I will say that I highly slept on Gwen, but then for Easter they gave her the Harlegwen skin and I fell in love. It’s insanely good stuff. Apart from looks, it does feel nice to have some sort of interchangeable tower that you basically just place and forget about, aside from using their powers. Plus, it makes a really easy type of thing to periodically add to the game to keep things fresh, even with the skins in general. It definitely is much better than the stuff they had in 5, where you had to use Monkey Money to buy each one, and you could only use them once per stage. Obviously 6 has the extra powers to help you out, but they feel much more optional and cheaper than the heroes of 5. Since I barely buy anything with Monkey Money to begin with, and since I’ve obviously had 365 chest openings, and AND since I barely use them to begin with, I’m completely stocked up. I only ever use the farmer and sometimes the tech bot if I get lazy. I did use the portable lake I got from my 365th chest opening after I got it, just for the sake of celebration. That’s literally how my mind goes.

6 does have the slight tinge of a mobile game artstyle, but in this case it’s really just better. I’m not into mobile games, and especially not the generic artstyle they have, but it is really pleasing to look at anyway. It did chase me off before I converted, though. That, and the fact you had to buy it now. Like a true gamer, I was put off by the fact that something that was once expected to be free now has to be paid for. But, then, I realized that the entire franchise has provided much more than 10$ worth of entertainment to me throughout time, so it was extremely fair to pay that. It is still kinda weird how 5 has to be paid for for mobile, when it is just free online, though. However, unlike a true gamer I think the microtransactions of the game are extremely fair. Considering they just give you things that you don’t need, and can get for free otherwise, I think it’s completely fine to have them. It sounds bad on the surface to have to pay for the game and have there still be microtransactions in it, but since they’re completely optional there’s no good reason to hate it. I think people assume that means that you have to pay for the game, and pay extra for different major parts of the game, and that sours their opinion on everything. Gamers are a strange, irrationally angry breed. I do hate using my phone for pretty much anything, though, so once I bought 6 on Steam I haven’t played it on my phone since. It’s just so much better in every single way...

I bought the game around the time of one of my family’s semi-annual trips to England because I thought it’d help when we were traveling between wi-fi spots, and it really did wonders for me then. Probably looked like some asshole teen to strangers who don’t know I barely ever use my phone for anything, since I was playing it so much. My sister even saw me playing it and bought it for herself, although I don’t know how much she’s played since then.

For the sake of stats, I have 235 hours played of it on Steam alone, and in game I’m level 115. My most complete map is Monkey Meadow with all medals except CHIMPS, which I put the effort in because it’s the default map, and definitely not because it’s an easy/good map because it’s just kinda bad compared to so many other ones. My Dart monkey has a total of 4 million XP, and the only towers that haven’t crossed a million are the Ice, Heli, Alchemist, Druid, and Spike factory monkeys/tower. I think the farthest I’ve actually gotten round-wise is 200 once or twice, but I don’t remember if I’ve actually beaten that level and continued on or lost there. I think I might’ve gotten past it once, but just sort of lost interest in micro-managing my powers and let myself lose. I probably got there once after that and lost on it. As someone who didn’t look up the optimal strategies for things until very recently, I think that’s pretty good. It definitely feels like the kind of game where if you know the best strategies, you can literally just replicate that over and over and win really easily, but that just sounds kinda boring. Since I pretty much only do daily challenges nowadays, it forces me to use a limited amount of towers, so I either go much farther because it forces me to build up less towers more, or it makes sure I can’t even pass round 90 because it just was made to get you to round 40 and that’s it. When I have the full range of towers to use, I feel like I try to get the instant satisfaction of getting a new tower to increase DPS instead of making the few towers I have/need reach their full potential, which seems to be the better option. I also don’t really sell anything when I don’t have a limited number of monkeys to place, which I think is also a good strategy if you can eliminate the major money loss in it, since it can give you a massive boost in cash to get you the better upgrades quicker. I may or may not try to learn the strategies to wipe the rest of the game clean eventually, but right now I’m fine with just doing the dailies.

But yeah, that’s like the whole thing with Bloons Tower Defense and me. Something something reject modernity, embrace monke, or whatever the kids these days are saying.

I will say that if I didn’t have so many OCs to work with and could just pump out animated shorts on the reg, I’d love to do some sort of Bloons shorts. They’d all lean into the ridiculousness of it all. Like, the first one could do the 2001 thing with the monkeys learning to use sticks, and as the main one is bashing the ground with one or whatever and throws it up, an ancient, leathery patchwork bloon flies overhead and accidentally bumps the stick such that it lands back on the main monkey’s head, knocking him out. Cue the monkeys around him to go berserk and start throwing other sticks at the ancient bloon, and once they pop it using a sharp stick, they realize what they must do. Cue a long montage of the different stages of war and invention using the monkeys finding better ways to fend off the bloons, with the whole idea being that the monkeys are getting irrationally angry at the bloons, who are just sort of around and not actually sentient, even though they assume they’re malicious because of their history and upbringing. Absolutely no political message in there whatsoever. Just comedy.

Other short ideas could include, for the start of the modern time story, it could be the backstory of some sort of chiseled veteran main character, which would involve a bloon floating into his town, and from the people’s panic someone knocks over a lamp post that sets his town ablaze, only for him and his people to blame the carnage on the bloon, causing his classic edgy character motives for fighting against the bloons. Another, much more golden idea, would be an interrogation scene, where a bunch of monkeys capture a bunch of bloons for interrogation purposes. They’d obviously do the whole “Silent treatment, eh? Well, we have ways of making you talk...” thing, except the “way to make them talk” is to strap them to a wall with one dart guy on one side to systematically pop them to try and extract info. But, of course, it would look and play out exactly like the classic Bloons puzzle game. That’d be the fun part. If not that, then it could be like the classic carnival game that likely inspired the idea of using darts to pop balloons. I really just think this weird world of monkeys and bloons is perfect for some good comedic content. Watching the monkeys severely overreact to the bloons sounds extremely fun, and I’d love to see someone do something with it some day.

#bloons tower defense #btd #6 #poole #rant #rambling #opinions #bloons #ninja kiwi #nk #flash

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parniarazi · 4 years

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2 0 1 9

A few days into the fresh energy of the new year, I’m still processing a lot from 2019 because it was a huge year for me. I think it’s a big missed opportunity for self-growth if you don’t take some time to reflect on your year, what it taught you, how it shaped you, and what your goals are moving into a new year. Resolutions can be cheesy and cheap, but serious self-reflection and actions towards your goals are what will move you forward.

In 2019, I got to experience a lot of things I love. I photographed one of my favorite artists, I went to 6 music festivals (including my first SXSW and EDCLV), I traveled to Vegas, Italy, Germany, France, Colorado, and Mexico (not to mention a few weekends away in the lovely Austin, Texas). I connected with many different people this year, a few of whom have stuck around to be good friends. I graduated college surrounded by the support of my amazing family, started my first semester of grad school and my first real job, and I fell even more in love with Pavel after we made the decision to move in together.

Whew. Talk about self-growth. Years like this that are filled with change are definitely among the most difficult ones I remember, but getting older is cool sometimes because I recall other similar times when I felt challenged, pushed, and even frustrated, but then ended up getting through it and life being way better on the other side. For example, when I first moved to Houston in 2016. Another similarly big transition year, 2019 didn’t come without its struggles, but those have been incredible learning moments and just as important as my highs.

Overall though, growing up is hard. I think this is something I say often, but I really feel that in my soul. Sometimes I feel like I have a grip on adulthood, I’m now financing larger trips and travel plans for Pavel and I, I’m seeing more of the world, I’m less afraid of doing adult things alone and less afraid of the unknown general. At the same time though, so much of my identity is rooted in my youth. Young, wild, and free, you know? Nothing is better. So in many ways, feeling this slip away from me year by year as I get older and have to handle more and more of my own responsibilities really sucks. Not being able to be as carefree or have as much free time can be a challenge that comes with adulthood, but fortunately having the level of self-awareness I’ve developed, I’m also realizing that I don’t actually have to buy into that narrative anymore. Can I be a fully responsible, independent adult and still create time for myself and give myself breaks to play, dance, and rest? Absolutely. Can I be a smart, professional, respectable person while still being funny and quirky and myself? Hell yeah. Getting settled into adulthood by moving out and going through all these changes I did this year has helped me realize that my life is really my own to shape and create however I want. I’ve learned that no matter what advice others give me or see fit for me, the decisions are mine to make at the end of the day and I’m the one who has to live my life every day. As the indecisive libra I am, this was hard at first but I can literally feel myself growing into my power and that feels fucking amazing.

Major shifts also happened in my academic/professional life that were extremely difficult to go through, but I have a feeling were a huge plunge in the right direction for me. For most of undergrad (which was only 3 years), I was committed to staying in academia to get my Ph.D. in political science and then working as a professor. This was mainly for 3 reasons — I was always good at school so I thought putting off finding a job to stay in school longer would be an easy solution, I wanted to stay in an area I excelled in and felt comfortable in, and I didn’t explore my other interests/options enough at the time. I also couldn’t see myself dressing in business clothes, working in an office or corporate-type job. Essentially, I settled for something I thought would be more comfortable, but it turned out my undergrad program had not challenged me or prepared me for this grad program at all. Instead of being comfortable, I was thrown to the wolves in classes and material I was completely unprepared for and not even interested in. Not to mention, I felt incredibly alone and isolated from my classmates because many of them were older, already had a Master’s degree, and their lives revolved completely around the department because most of them worked as TAs while being full-time students. Meanwhile, I was working outside of academics, wanted to maintain my personal life and hobbies, and simply could not keep up with the pace and demands of the program. Nor did I want to, because seeing both the Ph.D. student and professor life up and close as a grad student made me realize that’s not the life I want as a professional. Academia can be incredibly stifling of new ideas, very bureaucratic, and has cookie-cutter ways to ‘making it’ in your given field. I learned that it is not an environment where my skills and personality would flourish, and I deserve better than that. I realized it’s unfair to both myself and the people who could benefit from my skills to force myself to fit into a box I simply don’t fit into.

That doesn’t go to say I have it all figured out now because I surely don’t. In fact, I’m on a whole new journey of finding jobs and fields I’m interested in, then gaining the right experiences and connections to get those jobs. Fortunately, I saved my grad school career by advocating for myself. Last semester, I immediately realized I hated the poli sci program, started exploring other related degree options, dropped my most difficult class after midterms, and then pushed and begged my advisors to actually do something to help me do something about my situation. After exploring and talking to people a bit, I realized my skillset would be a lot more applicable for something in Communications, like Public Relations or Mass Communications. I’ve always had a mind for communication, media, and relating to others as a deep empath. With broad applications in the world, I also realized this is a degree that I can make, not one that makes me. I can apply it and use it to do anything I'm interested in — from entertainment PR and marketing, to journalism and writing, to leadership and team management. My advisors were able to transfer me into the Communications MA for this spring, even though technically I would have had to apply and start in the fall. An important consideration about leaving political science was that they had given me a full scholarship covering my tuition, but since I’ve transferred I’ll now have to figure out paying for this semester myself and then finding scholarships or other ways to pay for the next 2 years (because I’ve made it this far and I refuse to have student loans). I’m so glad I didn’t let the money stop me because I would have lost that scholarship anyway since I dropped a class and didn’t get the most impressive grades, plus no scholarship is worth suffering in something you don’t want to be in and that won’t get you where you want to be.

Aside from the whirlwind that was this last semester, I am incredibly proud of myself for getting through all these crazy changes and still managing to be my joyful and best self (at least most of the time). I had my days where I cried hard after school and work, and some dark weeks this semester, but I made still doing things that make me happy a priority. Yoga, music, travel, going to festivals, going out with friends, seeing my family, and just slowing down for self-care. Finding familiarity and comfort in these things that bring me joy, combined with support from Pavel, are what got me through my hardest times this semester. Now I feel more settled into my new life being moved out, I feel more confident and powerful because I made my own decisions, and I feel excited about this new journey and the fulfillment and abundance this new path will bring me.

Speaking of Pavel, it’s actually unreal how seamless and perfect moving in with him has been. Of course, we are immensely privileged because we aren’t dealing with rent, bills, or even cleaning much. But nonetheless, we’ve dealt with challenging times together but just going to bed together and waking up together makes life better. He’s my best friend in every way, living with him and sharing a space together is so magical and beautiful. I feel so safe, welcomed, and open to create the space and life I want here. I feel so cared for, valued, and loved with Pavel. We work so well together, it feels effortless and deliciously perfect. He grounds me, and this space has become home so quickly because of the way he makes me feel here. Moving out has taught me so much, helped me start overcoming a lot of fear and anxiety, and just allowed me to blossom more into myself. I will be forever grateful for Pavel helping make that happen with me at this point in our lives where it was so perfectly needed. I respect and love him endlessly for being the mature, intelligent, caring, patient partner that I need in my life.

2019 was also a year of letting go of a lot of friendships, people, and energies that no longer serve me. I realized that I am a wonderful friend who is ready to give support, love, guidance, hugs, and my whole heart to someone who is willing to give all of that back and who is deserving of receiving that from me. Even though I’m in a healthy and happy long-term relationship, I still feel myself holding space in my heart for deep friendships and connections with other people (specifically with women/feminine energy), but I haven’t been able to fill that space since moving to Texas. I miss the friendships I grew up having, and I put a lot of pressure on filling that space for a while, but I realizing forcing it gets me nowhere and a lot of people simply aren’t in a place to be able to reciprocate my energy in a meaningful way. A lot of people are really caught up in their own lives (which is totally understandable), already have other people filling the space for friendship in their lives, or simply aren’t at the level of maturity and growth that I am so they can’t connect with me on a deep level. Making close friends as an adult is way harder, people are just busier, but I really do trust that I will attract the right people and they will come into my life at the right time.

Continuing to expand and grow into my spirituality and spiritual practices by meditating, journaling, listening to podcasts, and practicing yoga has also brought me solace and internal happiness. It’s hard to describe and most people my age/similar to me are really disconnected from having their own authentic beliefs/practices because they either go with what they’re taught or dismiss it altogether. For me, having a career path I find exciting and fulfilling, a stable romantic relationship, healthy friendships, a spiritual practice, and fun hobbies are all areas of my life that I need to satisfy to feel balanced and genuinely happy. Knowing this, and after reflecting on all of these areas within the past year, I’m manifesting the following for each area in 2020, but I also know the Universe knows more than me and things may go differently for a reason (like my poli sci program not working out) so I trust that I will receive this, or something better...

☽ Career — I will get a second job/start a side hustle that will help fund my school and travels this year, I will start learning exciting new things that prepare me for a field/job I’m passionate about, I will secure an internship that pays well and allows me to practice/gain useful skills, I will get scholarships for next school year, I will feel a sense of belonging and make friends in my new program, I will continue learning and exploring different options/opportunities, and I will make connections with people who can mentor me and help me grow into starting my career.

☽ Relationship — Pavel and I will continue to support, love, and care for each other in all aspects. Our love will continue to grow and flourish as we grow in life together. We will go on adventures that make us feel happy, excited, exhausted and refreshed. We will add to our stories and crazy experiences. We will continue treating each other with love and respect, supporting each others’ growth as individuals while also growing together in a really beautiful way.

☽ Friendship — I will continue to grow my valuable friendships with people who are on the same wavelength as me. I will have a lot of laughs and good memories with people I care about. I will get deeper into the communities of like-minded people around me (music, yoga). I will find more friends who inspire me and actively support my creative ideas/work. I will develop deeper and more fulfilling friendships with people who reciprocate my energy, and I will extend myself in new ways by being the person I needed for others.

☽ Spirituality — I will continue practicing meditation and yoga as much as I can. I will also continue to read one book per month and listen to one podcast per week to grow the value in my practice. I will journal and synchronize my self-growth with lunar and astrological cycles, which allows me to tap into my higher power and divine connection with the universe. I will also consider doing a YTT this summer or winter, but regardless I will find outlets to be of assistance to others and give back in this area that has been of such deep value in my life. I will practice breathing, mindfulness, and presence to feel grounded during stressful times. I will get better at protecting my energy and staying rooted in my own positive energy and affirmations (aka, not letting other people’s BS or toxic energy affect me).

☽ Fun — I will continue going to events that surround me with good energy and good people. I will continue doing what brings me joy, allows me to move and release tension and energy, and that brings me closer with like-minded friends. I will continue to make the incredible trips and experiences I desire a reality by saving money and smart planning. I make more of an effort to bring this good energy with me into my every day by being myself and sharing my laughs and joy with the people around me. I will continue to feed my inner child, my creativity, and my natural human existence on this earth.

I have no doubt that 2020 will continue this amazing momentum and growth that I have cultivated over the past year. I am beyond blissful and grateful for the incredible year I had and all it taught me, but I’m also ready to move forward feeling more prepared, confident, and capable of making everything I can imagine a reality.

#reflection #2020 #2019 #2020 goals

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jacobmybeloved · 5 years

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Companion opinion tag

Thank you @far-cry-all-the-time for tagging me!!!! (●´ω｀●)

9. Grace Armstrong

*HOLLERS* MY GURL GRACE UNF- she was my #1 GFH. doesn’t matter how many times I played, I always ran to the Lamb of God Church to grab her first. I think the Seed’s shoulda been less worried about me and more about her cause this girl just dished out damage like no other.

8. Jess Black

I’d usually bring Jess along with Grace. I like her a lot but I mainly use her for her perks. [Plus for some reason she just talks SO MUCH in my game like maybe it’s just me?? but after a few missions i switch her out]

7. Cheeseburgers

MY SWEET BABY. I love him but he’s so big and noisy. Plus Hurk ran him over one time and I felt so horrible I didn’t want to bring him on anymore missions causes I didn’t want him getting hurt ಥ_ಥ

6. Adelaide Drubman

*in Adelaides voice* THIS IS ADELAIDE AT THE MARINA HONEY. Omg this woman cracks me up. I never know what is gonna come out of her mouth but she gets shot down so easily so I just literally never use her. Still love you addie!

5. Boomer

When I’m not using a Grace/Jess combo, I use Grace/Boomer. Boomer is also my go to for when I do co-op with my friends and you best believe if someone hurts that dog I fucking just lost my shit. (ง •̀_•́)ง

4. Peaches

Goddess of the hunt. Love of my life. sweet precious killing machine. If I’m not using Boomer I’m usually using Peaches, especially for stealth play throughs. WHO DOESN’T WANT A FREAKING MOUNTAIN LION FOLLOWING THEM AROUND THIS SHIT IS AWESOME.

3. Sharky Boshaw

My sweet, pyro fanatic whom I would absolutely die for. Sharky comes in clutch and has actually started to replace Grace in some of my playthroughs, I mean LOOK AT THIS

NOT ONE FUCK WAS GIVEN, he fucking swooped in and was like WHOP. -sighs- I love him.

2. Hurk Jr. Drubman

Hurk buddy, I love you, but you gotta stop blowing up the vehicles that I’m trying to get into. [aka I don’t use him very much, if at all]

1. Nick Rye

My first couple playthroughs I used Nick a lot but I like having my companions with me on the ground so they can revive my dumbass. If I’m going balls to the walls in like an open area with a cluster of enemies I’ll bring him along. Otherwise he’s a sweet angel and I would die for the Rye family.

(0. Staci Pratt & Joey Hudson)

I like love Hudson and she deserved so much better. I was indifferent to Pratt in the beginning but I did feel sorry for him. I wish there was an option after you rescued them for them to be companions because I feel like they’d be super interesting to talk to and hear more abou their backstories.

— Bonus Seeds

4. Joseph

Joseph honey, you made me question my entire life when I got this game and started thirsting after you but you can’t just start kidnapping/having your siblings kill people while preaching how you have to save them.

3. Faith

I LOVE her?! I just love how manipulative she is like SUCH A GOOD VILLAIN. There’s like no telling if she’s telling the truth or not and I think that makes her the scariest out of the Seeds.

2. John

John was actually my first crush playing this game and for some reason I kept getting him and Joseph confused so I’d be like oh wow, Joseph’s hair looks way different and then I saw them in a cutscene together and I was like wait a second

1. Jacob

I-I hate to admit this, but I actually thought Jacob was ugly when i first started v(ಥ ̯ ಥ)v AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED but I woke up one day and was like I’m fucking stupid THIS MAN IS HOT and then the fan fic followed suit and then the fucking FC blog and then you guys know the rest.

—

TAGGING [FEEL FREE TO IGNORE]: @zacklover24 @shelbypnw @superbcatstudents @superaayojayyworld @spacecharizard @liilaac @newdawnfarcry @thatjessopgirl @farcrying5 @thomas-crush @rush-me-thomas @daddy-joseph-seed @cameoninja @peachespasteltea @scarlettkat86

+ anyone else who wants to do this!

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swshadowcouncil · 5 years

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As we approach the middle of the post-TLJ, pre-Episode IX doldrums, it’s time for a little bit of fun, pointless speculation to make the days go by a bit faster. And what better way to do that than to spend several days meticulously compiling a list of all the actresses who could potentially play Rey’s mother in Episode IX? (There are probably better ways, I just chose this one). Below the jump, I explore which of these extremely similar looking British, brunette white ladies (insert beleaguered sigh here) is the best candidate to play the part, ranked in order from to least to most ridiculous. How serious am I about these choices? Not very. Or am I? Who can say. Read on to find out….

Lily James

Pros: Well, for one thing, she’s Matt Smith’s girlfriend, so she’s already going to be on set from time to time. She’s also British, which earns her some points; and she recently dyed her hair dark brown–coincidence???? It’s easy to imagine that, with her proximity to the production, and her resemblance to Daisy (Look at that smile!) JJ would ask her to step in for a cameo as SkyMom, especially given that she’s not currently filming anything else, per her Wikipedia entry.

Cons: Not many…? Honestly, I think she’s the best pick. If I’m right you all owe me a drink.

Daisy Ridley Resemblance Rating: 9/10

The smile! The eyes! Look at her!!

Mark Hamill Chemistry Rating: 9/10

This is the best/worst kind of couple. This is the couple that pops up on your Facebook feed and makes you wish you could hate them, but no, they’re just genuinely radiantly happy and adorable and beautiful together. They’re also really fucking nice. Ugh. What a great, stupid couple.

Keri Russell

Pros: Is already in the movie, for one thing. Was cast in a role with the same name as Luke’s wife from the EU novels. Is more or less the same age that Luke was at the time of Rey’s disappearance, give or take a few years.

Cons: Okay, I lied, they’re not ALL British. Which doesn’t really matter, but it would certainly make Rey’s accent seem a little less random. The character of Mara in IX is also supposed to be as old as 50, which is significantly older than you would expect Rey’s mom to be at the time she disappeared. It’s possible she’s still alive, too, but that opens up a whole other can of narrative worms–to paraphrase Oscar Wilde, to think one living parent is dead your entire life can be regarded as a misfortune, to think both are dead looks like obliviousness.

Daisy Ridley Resemblance Rating: 7/10

Okay, yeah, sure, I see it.

Mark Hamill Chemistry Rating: 8/10

A little annoyingly wholesome, but not bad. Mazel tov, you two crazy hypothetical kids.

Hayley Atwell

Pros: Definitely has that badass edge that we’re hoping for from Rey’s mother. The resemblance is also notable. Plus, she has experience playing cool action-y love interests, so she’d be a natural choice to play the wife and mother, respectively, of two totally badass protagonists.

Cons: Her badassery actually makes her potentially–dare I say it–too cool to play Luke’s wife? We all love Luke Skywalker, but fundamentally he is a human Golden Retriever and I’m not sure his personality could stand up to the amount of sheer chutzpah that Atwell brings to the screen. That being said, if they went with a Mara Jade-like character, you could do worse.

Daisy Ridley Resemblance Rating: 8/10

She’s got the same vibe as Daisy, which does 90% of the work for her. There are some other similarities, though, and overall it’s believable that the two could be related.

Mark Hamill Chemistry Rating: 6/10

A gorgeous couple with a constant threat of one party being able to probably physically break the other party in half if she wanted to.

Emilia Clarke

Pros: A character with some potential Mara Jade parallels, which may be a hint at her future role. Already exists in canon, which gives her a leg up over some other options.

Cons: First and foremost, she’s about 10 years older than Luke, which would make her around 40 when Rey was born. That’s not TOTALLY out of the realm of possibility for a woman to give birth for the first time, but it is out of the ordinary. It’s also a bit of an awkward setup to have Han’s brother-in-law and best friend start dating his formerly evil ex-girlfriend. She also really doesn’t have much in common with Luke, or Rey for that matter.

Daisy Ridley Resemblance Rating: 3/10

Some superficial similarities, but not nearly as close as some of the others here.

Mark Hamill Chemistry Rating: 4/10

Ehhhhh. They’re fine.

Daisy Ridley with some Mo-Cap or Something

Pros: I mean, it would certainly be the simplest option. Just add a few tweaks to make her look less like Mark, and presto, you have the perfect genetic counterpart to create baby Rey!

Cons: It would be BONKERS creepy, both in an uncanny valley way, and an “I don’t want to see the same actress play Mark Hamill’s daughter and love interest” kind of way. Please don’t do this, Lucasfilm.

Daisy Ridley Resemblance Rating: 10/10

I mean.

Mark Hamill Chemistry Rating: 0/10

Let’s…not dwell on this one.

Felicity Jones OKAY HEAR ME OUT

Pros: Okay OKAY just HEAR ME OUT here. Jesus. For one thing, she was the world’s lead theory for Rey’s mother immediately post-TFA, just like Luke was the lead theory for Rey’s father. And since Lucasfilm seems to be dying on the hill of “the best plot twists are when you convince everyone the most obvious answer is wrong until the very last minute, when you reveal it was the right answer all along,” who’s to say they’re not moving in this direction with Rey’s mother too? Jyn is in the Rebel Alliance, she has parallels to Mara Jade, and she’s (another beleaguered sigh) yet another white British brunette, like Daisy Ridley. Aside from all that, how cool would it be for Rey’s mother to be a badass character with her own movie already? So cool, that’s how cool.

Cons: So THEORETICALLY, hypothetically, in a certain sense, one could say that Jyn Erso may or may not have “been on a planet during a giant fucking explosion” and/or “canonically died.” But has that ever stopped Star Wars before? You bet your ass it hasn’t. There have been a number of theories about how Jyn could have survived the destruction on Scarif, most of them revolving around the kyber necklace her mother gave her, which seems to grant her almost superhuman abilities to survive dangerous situations. Or maybe someone went wandering into the World Between Worlds and rescued crispy burnt-up Jyn Erso from the jaws of death or something after she was exploded on Scarif. Who are we to say that Jyn didn’t then go on to rejoin the Rebel Alliance, where she met a young war hero named Luke Skywalker and gave birth to a baby girl with him some years later? Come on. Don’t be a buzzkill here. Play with me in this space.

Daisy Ridley Resemblance Rating: 5/10

I’m aware that the “being almost certainly vaporized” thing is definitely a bigger stumbling block than this, but also Felicity Jones doesn’t look anything like Daisy Ridley. But Daisy Ridley does look like Lyra, Jyn’s mother, just like she resembles Padme, her grandmother on the other side of the family, so I added a few points for that. Genes are weird, I don’t know.

Mark Hamill Chemistry Rating: 7/10

Opposites attract, I suppose? She’s tough and sarcastic, he’s sunny and optimistic, they’re both badass space heroes–it could work. You know what? Screw it. Jyn Erso for SkyMom 2k19: Because Why The Hell Not.

I Now Pronounce You Mrs. Skywalker: A (Semi-Serious) List Of Candidates to Play Rey’s Mother in Episode IX As we approach the middle of the post-TLJ, pre-Episode IX doldrums, it's time for a little bit of fun, pointless speculation to make the days go by a bit faster.

#humor #ReySky #SkyMom #Speculation #Star Wars

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cow3survivor · 3 years

Text

Ep. 9: “Break Down Everything I’ve Built” - Jennet

JENNET

not to be rude but i hate this cast.... me winning immunity didnt even matter bc my bestie got booted tf...

(a little later)

feeling alone, im not even on a tribe anymore. im alone now not furcifer calumma or brookesia, just jennet

(after eating rice)

i know i sound dramatic asf but ffft i was so uneasy starting this game and i didnt feel comfortable or didnt feel excited to play until i started playing with ethan so i guess i relied too much on him but its like... now what?? where do i go from here? like sam, sammy, jones, and mikey voted to keep him so its like... here i am with low numbers again

(after taking a dip in the ocean)

immunity doesnt feel so good when ur number one ally gets sent home...

(after polishing the immunity necklace)

realizing that tonight ive been on the wrong side of both of votes so now im... reevaluating my position in this game. i have to break down everything ive built and start over and see who i can really trust right now

JONES

https://youtu.be/GY0DufoCyLE (after live night)

LOVELIS

So today's been way more eventful! I've had a great conversation with Jennet finally & got caught up on all the live night stuff, thought it was just a live competition that I wasn't able to attend but then I woke up to Ethan being gone LMAO but oh well! I've been targeted the past two rounds but I'm still here so I've just gotta work my options as best I can, and right now I do wanna with with Jessica the most. Apparently Shane put in a lot of work to keep me during live night & I'm thankful but earlier when I tried to talk to him he wouldn't divert from that point & it was a little awkward.. like idk what you want me to do about that... so today's mostly been catching up with the people who I haven't heard much from like Jake, Lindsay etc and seeing where their heads are at, I need to be more involved in something big if I'm gonna be seen as a potential winner should I make it to the end so I'm definitely not shy of jumping ship from Sharon and tryna make something better for myself with the people that voted for me hehe.. 😳😈

JENNET

looking at the memory wall and im feeling very: vulnerable

LINDSAY

12/19 - https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Q_KxHilwOebD8G3D8JAZsOMKdgsxFp-b/view?usp=sharing

JESSICA

I know in my last confessional I said I was close with Ethan. After I wrote that, I realized that he was a lot closer with other people than he was with me. Lindsay accidentally added him to an alliance chat and I expected him to freak out in my DMs (or at the very least ask me about it!) since we're supposed to be such good allies. But he didn't say anything! Shane said that he did get an Ethan freakout so I was like hmm... noted. Ethan likes Shane more than me so I am okay to vote him out a lot earlier than I was planning. Ethan also left out a LOT of information about the idols when we talked about them so I instantly knew at merge that he was hiding things from me. When we did that round robin conversation thing, I got Shane early on (I think he was the third person I talked to?) and he pitched voting Ethan which made a lot of sense to me. Plus I was a little worried Ethan could have had the Furcifer idol since he found that Brookesia one so fast. I figured if we were going to make a big move, that was the time to do it because if anyone was suspicious I could just pretend the whirlwind nature of the round was the reason they didn't know what happened. Speaking of idols!!! I'm 95% sure that Furcifer idol is in Sam's pocket. Shane had a vote extort power which he could play on anyone; it would force them to either reveal their entire voting history to this mysterious person OR they would have to give up their vote and sit out of immunity. I guess the vote part isn't public but the immunity part was and for some reason, Sam chose to not reveal his voting history. To Shane and Daisy, who don't know how the idols worked, this is a weird choice. But to me there's only one reason someone doesn't want their voting history revealed and it's because they didn't vote at a tribal which means they have an idol. Shane originally wanted to play the power on Mikey which I strongly did not want because 1) I already know how Mikey has voted and 2) I was pretty sure Mikey didn't have an idol so it's unlikely there was a tribal he didn't vote in and 3) If Mikey asked me about it, I didn't want to lie but I also didn't want to expose Shane. The question is.... does Sam's idol still work? If I had found the idol when I knew there was an easy boot on my team (he has to have found it before Pennino left), then I would have gambled as long as I could have to get the idol to work. My guess is Sam's idol goes until... f7? Maybe f6 or f5. Pennino probably left 3-1, not 4-1, but Sam's missing vote didn't matter because it was unanimous and wasn't read. For this round, right now everyone is probably voting Lovelis. It's the easy vote because he isn't here but personally I don't want to do that. Everyone says Lovelis is inactive but he isn't inactive to me and as far as I know, he is not going to flip on me and thinks I've been looking out for him. Which I have been! Also Lovelis cannot have an idol unless he somehow got the merge one. So to me it's like.... why not take out someone like Sam who (probably) has an idol? Or at least get him paranoid enough so he plays it. He seems like the kind of player who could easily stab me in the back so I'd like to get him before he gets me. Right now my tightest alliance is with Shane/Daisy, though I definitely talk about the game with Shane the most. However I also have good relationships with Lovelis, Sammy, and Mikey. I think Jennet and I are getting along well because as far as I know, I was the first one who told them Ethan's name was going around last time when everyone else seemed too afraid to tell them. They were not into that plan at all but I'm glad that I was honest with them because I don't want that to be a closed relationship at all! They also don’t seem to have a tonne of connections so they’re someone I'd like to keep close. And then Jones/Lindsay/Jake are people who I'm still getting to know but I do trust them.... a bit. I don't see that alliance of 6 lasting long term however I don't mind trying to stick with it to get Sam out before it disintegrates. I also think Shane is coming across as a threat which is great to me. I hope people don't think we're close because I really want to keep that relationship hidden. My entire game is about having everyone think they're my #1 (or at least my #2 or #3) so that they are less likely to leak things I tell them, less likely to vote for me, and more likely to look out for me. Information is power so I try to be in a position where I'll get as much of it as I can. So far it is working! I think. This is truly an essay

(a little later)

Oh also I never get episode titles in games so here are some: "Any way you slice it, it's Survivor madness!" "What a night, what a vote" "Please don't invite me to your messy party" "Social game is on 0!" "Survivor brings out the worst in you" "I'm a chameleon" Some of those are things other people said in other games but... oh well!

JENNET

apparently lovelis is rallying the troops to get them to vote for me bc i voted him out over madison... babe we NEVER spoke, and i spoke to madison ALOT why would i not vote u ? tf... its getting weird

JESSICA

LMAO IGNORE THAT LAST CONFESSIONAL That is not how the advantage works at ALL I now totally understand why Sam rejected it That’s so funny that we really read it that wrong.............. I love reading and comprehending the words that I read Still don’t know where that last idol is but this is so funny.

JENNET

so right now the only people i can trust are sammy, sam, jones, and mikey. i want to trust jake but hes in an alliance with jones, lindsay, daisy, shane, and jessica that he didnt tell me about. jones is playing double agent right now and the only reason i dont find that sketch is bc she told us info that she didnt need to. i will say me and jake had a convo about how we dont trust how shady lindsay has been and we wont target her until most of the og brookesia members are gone. im very scared right now but also very angry

(a little later)

had plans for this vote but sam got his vote taken away. im waiting to see what pops off at tribal/ the few hours before tribal before i can try to get the little band of misfits to settle on who to target first. so far its daisy and shane, i’ll try to sneak lindsay in but honestly i want daisy gone first bc shes hosted me and seen how i play and thats too much of an advantage. she’s dangerous to me and my game

JAKE

https://youtu.be/nZPMXTthz9Q yes I'm becoming paranoid and what?? say it to her face

JENNET

my dream boot order after this round (if lovelis is who goes): daisy shane jessica lindsay and then everything else can fold around itself but ideally jake is next to go

LINDSAY

videos r still uploading but here's my quick tea for this episode: feels way too easy to vote lovelis, keep expecting things to blwo up bc lovelis is throwing jennet's name out there. game way too quiet. shit aint right but i aint know whats wrong. i may be paranoid

JENNET

:ETHAN: ❤️ :JENNET: hours

SAMMY

so I feel like so much happened in this round? let's recap the live night and dive into our thoughts and feelings about where we are right now. So starting off after Madison is voted out, the plan throughout the day was to just vote out whoever stayed out of Madison/Lovelis, right? Okay so I go into this live event thinking that's the plan...not sweating...just chilling right? right okay so I get to talking to people and then I get in a chat with daisy who is my 3rd phone call? Then I hear of this plan to get rid of Ethan?? In my head I was like...blinks...okay so why are we doing this like what is the point y'all are being too complicated. So fast forward Ethan goes home. Then Jones lets me know there was a separate group made before tribal of Jake/Shane/Jones/Jess/Lindsay. Apparently all the people who voted Ethan? This actually pisses me off not gonna lie because I opened the door for a conversation hinting that I knew of a group to daisy/jess/Jake and none of them spilled to me. So I caught them in a lie and it lets me know that they are serious about that group of people and that alliance means something. I thought I was close to daisy and I thought she considered me her #1 ally but the info I have been getting really makes me trust her less. She was working on the idol/bridge with like so many other players which makes sense to how she was able to find so many powers. I feel used. She is close to Shane and it is obvious. I also 100% feel as if the Ethan plan was made before tribal or at least mentioned as an idea. I don't like the vibes I am getting from them and something has to change soon or I am gonna be finding myself in a rough patch. I told Jones about Daisy's powers to let Jones know that Daisy pretty much lied to Daisy about the street car ladies (sorry daisy I still love u but in the moment I felt used because I know ur bridge group is on like the late 30s and you didn't tell me). Daisy is playing the middle and I need to separate myself from her or at least break her and Shane up. She is using Shane as a shield. Also I was added to the justice league alliance and its so cute (Jones, Jennet, Mikey, Me, Sam) I love this group but I will say Sam is my weakest connection and I don't really have much trust in him? Hoping that will change in these upcoming rounds tho. Also, I told Jones about my vote block that lasts until final 5 which we could use to our advantage later in the game. I will be holding onto that as long as possible. The last major update other than me feeling somewhat left out of this "group" would be that Jess asked if I would be down to make a group after the vote of her/Jake/me/mikey which I would actually very much enjoy. Okay that is my longest confessional yet. I hope you enjoy. As of right now my top two allies are Jones/Mikey....Lowest on my trust rankings are Shane and Lindsay.

JENNET

lovelis dming me saying we should get out mikey pfftttt

DAISY

https://youtu.be/mz2Fg_Kvyqo

SAM

https://youtu.be/J81hUWIy6dg

SHANE

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1-dymdy5vjtHdwsY3JSTnovwaSRLvuzQt

JESSICA

me: lovelis will be a jury vote for me! me: nvm!!!! Not sure why being rude to people and attacking them is your strategy on the way out... but you do you!

LOVELIS

I think I mentioned chaos in my previous confessional and I think I just did that so you know what.. I'm content LMAO. I pulled out pretty much all the cards I had left to play this round and if it wasn't enough despite being carried the past two tribals.. then so be it. This has been such a fun past couple days and it's fun to just let loose and see what happens!

#cowsurvivor #confessionals

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theripertoire · 6 years

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My List of Newborn Essentials, 0-3 Months

Photocred: Janis Sarraf Tabet

Sometime in March of last year, I found out I was pregnant. Getting pregnant was the absolute last thing on my mind, and traveling the world with my husband, who I’d just married, was on the top of my list. Little did I know that the only list I would be making for the months that followed was newborn must-haves. Finding out you’re pregnant for the first time is surreal. It’s exciting, terrifying, stressful and beautiful all at once. What they don’t tell you though, is that being pregnant is the least difficult chapter in motherhood. Once baby is in the world, it’s a whole new ballgame, and everything becomes so fast-paced, you finally realize what the terms superwoman and supermom mean. What does help is being organized and managing your time efficiently. I was never a fan of “routine”, but I now find that it’s what keeps me and baby sane. The first step in being organized is being prepared with all you may need at home to make baby’s stay as comfortable, safe, and convenient as possible for the both of you. This starts with making a list of newborn must-haves. This is basically a long, long, VERY long list that gets longer and longer the more you research online and ask friends or family for advice – which is exactly what I did … and then went on to buy every item that was recommended to me. In my opinion, no price was too high and no list was too long. I was willing to buy anything and everything for Brandon – and that’s what hubby and I did. And what a waste of money and time that was! Once baby B was born and for the weeks that followed, I realized that the only opinion that mattered in determining what newborn must-haves to purchase is your baby’s and your baby’s alone. In my case, Brandon hated so many of the highly-rated and super expensive purchases, no matter how hard I tried to make him love them. So, we spent our first two weeks buying even more must-have products; including alternatives to what we had already bought, in addition to things we had never considered. So, I decided to spare other mommas the time and money and say it like it is: you will need to buy tons of new stuff for baby, just not all the things you thought you might need, and certainly not the overhyped, overpriced, cutting-edge, award-winning products that claim to be most loved by babies everywhere. The best thing you can do is start off with buying a few essentials, then move on to the rest once baby is born and your needs and routine have been established.

In any case, I’m sharing my list of must-haves and luxuries. It’s tried and tested, and I’m hoping it helps some of you somehow. This applies for newborns – from 0 to 3 months of age.

Here goes:

Around 7 bodysuits and pajamas for each age. I was advised to only buy 5 of each, which I realized was a big mistake (especially since I have a baby boy, and peepee fountains are staple in our daily lives). Aside to pee surprises, do consider the vomiting, poop explosions, and diaper leaks that happen almost everyday. There’s even one day where we went through 5 outfit changes. I got better at controlling and avoiding these surprises as the weeks passed, but I reached a conclusion that 7-9 of each is a fair number. Plus, it’s nice to see your baby in different outfits! This is only an exception for newborn pajamas, depending on your baby’s birth weight and height. I actually bought 9 newborn PJs for my baby, but he outgrew them once he hit 10 days. So, he basically wore each pair twice.

And now, for some advice on where to buy them. Personally speaking, my favorite bodysuits were from Petit Beateau and Mothercare. Great fit, excellent cotton and long-lasting quality. As for the pajamas, my favorites were from Mothercare, Mamas & Papas and Carter’s, followed by Jacadi and Petit Bateau. I had splurged on other more high-end brands, which I realized were so impractical; their cotton wasn’t fantastic, their fit was almost always too small, and getting those pajamas on and off was a hassle – and a complete waste of time and money. My second piece of advice is to buy cotton pajamas whether winter or summer – unless you’re in a super, duper cold climate. I bought so many velour pajamas before Brandon was born. He never wore them, and they didn’t maintain their quality after washes. I switched to cotton after week one. My third piece of advice is to buy pajamas for the first month and nothing else. Save the cool/cute/more complicated outfits for later. During this period, your baby is super wobbly and it’s stressful enough to get those pajamas on and off during the first couple of weeks. Imagine trying to put a suit and tie on that tiny human! Once baby hits the 40-day mark, do as you please! And my last piece of advice is this: whenever you find cotton pajamas with a zipper instead of buttons, BUY IT! It makes life so much easier (Mamas & Papas and Carter’s have lots of those).

You will also need socks. I found that 7 pairs are enough too. You can buy the 0-3 months and take advantage of them for longer. My favorite socks were from H&M as well as Mamas & Papas.

Bonnets – you’ll need around three. You can also get two or three pairs of mittens. Brandon only wore mittens on five occasions. Another option is buying pajamas that have built in mittens. I personally like to keep baby’s hands bare so he can use them for self-soothing and discovery. I loved the bonnets and mittens at Jacadi, Petit Bateau, Mothercare and Tartine et Chocolat.

Blankets, bedsheets and mattress protectors. Many may advise against the use of blankets, but I am personally pro-blanket. I bought all of Brandon’s thicker blankets from Mamas & Papas and Zahar Kids; and the light cotton ones from Petit Bateau and Zahar Kids. You will need three to four of each. One mattress protector will do, and two to three fitted bed sheets should suffice. I also bought all of those from Mamas & Papas.

Burp cloths. Buy A LOT! I think 12 is a good number. I loved the ones at Zahar Kids, Mothercare and Carter’s. In addition, you can buy those packs of little square towels from Mothercare. You will use these for everything, from bath time and feeding to cleaning and changing diapers. Two to three packs will do. I started using bibs once Brandon was a little over two months and salivating a lot. You will also need around 5-7 bibs.

Diapers. You will need tons of diapers. TONS!!! In my case, we use Pampers Premium. Both Brandon and I loved them. We have a diaper change every two hours – till today.

Baby wipes. I personally prefer using cleansing water (like Uriage or Mustela) with cotton pads specially-made for baby. Baby wipes are excellent too, but make sure you purchase a water-based, brand for sensitive skin that has the least amount of chemicals possible. The last thing you need is nappy rash!

Nappy rash cream. I like Sudocrem and Mustela 1 2 3.

Diaper bag. I love the Skip Hop and Jacadi diaper bags. They’re both practical and stylish. In the diaper bag, it helps to have the following: a full change of clothes in a Ziploc bag, six diapers, wipes, nappy rash cream, scented diaper bags from Mothercare, a closed bottle of water, two clean feeding bottles, and formula incase you are formula-feeding, or expressed breast milk if you’re breastfeeding, two pacifiers, hand sanitizer, two burp cloths, a muslin cloth and two square towels).

Diaper caddy. If there’s one thing I learned after three months of being a mom, is that there’s no way to get through the day without being organized. I love having a diaper caddy or simply, any form of storage for all the essentials I’ll need around the house for baby, or simply to be placed near the changer for ease of access to everything. You can put everything in there, from wipes and diapers to everything related to baby’s toiletries and hygiene. You can even stick a changer in there and carry it around the house with you to avoid jumping from room to room in case you need to clean your baby or go for a nappy change.

Tommee Tippee Sangenic Nappy Disposal Bin. I’m obsessed. I tried the Ubbi Diaper Pail, which was indeed roomy, but I wasn’t too impressed. This, on the other hand, is my favorite thing about changing diapers. It’s an epic must-have.

Peepee teepee. If you have a baby boy and want to avoid peepee accidents. Placing a cotton pad over his peepee also helps as an alternative to the teepee, which isn’t always as handy as a cotton pad.

Bathtub. This all comes down to personal preference. Some love to buy the “Blooming Bath” and place it in the sink. I loved this and wished I had bought it for B when he was a newborn. Instead, I bought the Chicco Cuddle & Bubble, which is so practical. It was recommended to me by several mommas, and I can’t recommend it enough! It has a level for storage, a changer and a tub. Place it in your bathroom, and it’s all you’ll need for bath time. Mind you, you will need to buy a newborn seat or large sponge for to place baby on while in the tub. Another excellent option is the Béaba tub with its seat. My baby loved this one the most, but carrying him naked across the bathroom to place him on the changer is the only downside to it.

Shampoo and body wash. I absolutely love Mustela shampoo and shower gel. Alternatively, there are some great organic brands you can find on Amazon. However, my current favorite and current obsession is Burt’s Bees Baby. I’m obsessed, it smells like heaven and leaves skin silky smooth - and my baby loves it.

Hooded bath towels. I think 7-9 of these is a good number. I loved the ones at Carter’s, Mothercare and Petit Bateau. My personal favorite though is the PUJ towel. Although these are used for older children, they still have a hood and are super thick, long, snuggly and Brandon loves them. We started using these at 3+ months, but that’s also for another blog post.

Soft hair brush. We got ours from Chicco and loved it.

Nail scissors. Also Chicco. Look no further.

Soft bath sponge. We loved the Chicco sponges. Make sure to wash and air dry very well after each bath.

Rectal thermometer. Until baby is 3 months old, the only accurate way to take his/her temperature is rectally. The Chicco digital rectal thermometer never failed us.

Mouche Bebe and Physiomer/Sterimar Bebe. The brands I really liked for the mouche are the Picot and the Physiomer. You will also need salt water for cleaning those nasal passages, and the best two are the Physiomer bebe and the Sterimar bebe. Combining the mouche with the salt water is the most effective way to clean the nasal passages.

Organic almond oil for babies. I love to massage this onto baby’s skin after each bath. It’s the only product that has prevented eczema, cradle cap and dry skin so far.

Pediavit D vitamin for baby. This was prescribed by my pediatrician. Please always consult with your baby’s pediatrician ONLY when it comes to vitamins, formula, feedings, and especially medication.

Water thermometer. The Chicco was my favorite. We always kept water at 37-38 degrees Celsius.

Room thermometer. I love the one by Avent. It’s excellent, and you can use it for both bath water and room temperature.

Feeding bottles. I found eight bottles to be an ideal number. While I was breastfeeding, I loved using Munchkin Latch bottles for my expressed milk. Overall, it’s an excellent slow flow, anti-colic bottle for newborns. I then switched to Dr. Brown’s (wide neck) when I began formula feeding, which are our favorite and what I’ll be sticking to till he stops bottle feeding. After Brandon passed his three-month mark, we started using Tommee Tippee as well, but I’m leaving the 3+ months products for another blog post.

Pacifiers and soothers. I love the Dr Brown 0-6 months soothies. They’re the only ones Brandon liked. Avoid these if you’re breastfeeding. Bottle sterilizer. I tried a few, and to be honest, the Avent was my favorite. It has tons of space to fit several bottles and different bottle sizes, two compartments (you can use the small one alone for fewer items or smaller bottles), and is super easy to use and clean.

Bottle warmer. This is a must for breastfeeding moms who store their breast milk in the fridge or freezer. My favorite is the Avent, and I used it several times a day throughout the time I was breastfeeding. Its only downside is it tends to overheat the milk, but one you get the hang of it, you know exactly how long to warm up the bottle without overheating it.

Breast pump. Buy a Medela breast pump and don’t even think twice about purchasing another brand. If you have the opportunity to rent a hospital-grade one like the Medela Symphony, do so by all means.

Avent breast pads – nighttime. During breastfeeding, I used these day and night because of their high absorbency and cotton feel.

Nipple cream. You will certainly need this if you’re breastfeeding. I used Marcalan and loved it.

Nursing bras and shirts. This is more for you than baby, but it makes it that much more convenient to nurse your baby when wearing one. I had two or three of each, which I bought from Mamas & Papas.

Nursing pillow. This is also a must during breastfeeding, as it’s more comfortable for both mom and baby. I love the pillows at Mamas & Papas and Le Bouquet. You can also leave your baby to lounge in it for a few minutes each day.

Container for formula. If you’re formula feeding, this comes in so handy for preparing the portions ahead of time, especially for feeds outside the house. A brand I love is Munchkin.

Travel cot. I own the Chicco in Lebanon and Graco in Qatar, and these are excellent when placed bedside in your bedroom. They each come with a changer, convert from cot to playpen, and can be packed into their bag and taken with you anywhere you go. I love having this and believe it’s a must for every baby. An alternative (up to a certain age) is the Next2Me bedside crib by Chicco. I used this with Brandon as well and fell in love with it. The proximity is everything, and I believe is essential in the first weeks. If I were to choose, I would use the Next2Me for the first six weeks, then the Graco till he moves into his own room. You could always just buy the travel cot, set it up in your room and stick to that till baby is old enough to sleep in a separate room.

Cot. We bought our nursery cot from Mamas and Papas, and I love it. Price versus quality versus esthetics are all on point.

Dresser + Changer: We also bought the dresser in the nursery from Mamas and Papas and I love that as well. We bought a beautiful changer that we set on top and use the drawers for his towels, bed linens, pajamas and clothes. It’s both practical and visually beautiful.

Rocking chair. This was perfect during nursing, bottle feeding, and putting baby to sleep.

Bouncing chair. A great choice is the mamaRoo by 4moms, which you can find at the Cookie Dough Boutique or Just Kidding. Another good one is the Chicco Polly Swing.

Baby dock. I loved using the Cocoonababy, and so did Brandon. This is definitely a must in the first two to three weeks, at least during lounging and naptime. I know there’s a lot of ugly publicity with regards to sleep positioners, so I won’t insist on them. But, in our case, this helped my baby sleep so well during the time that he was adapting to life outside the womb. I also asked my pediatrician about it, and she said she loved it too for afternoon naps around the house. It was a great way to keep Brandon close by and cozy.

Stroller. You will need a stroller for everyday, something that’s both heavyweight and versatile, like the Graco Modes or the UPPABaby Vista or the Stokke XPLORY. I also believe a second, more practical stroller is also needed for moms on the go, such as the Doona and the YOYO. I love the YOYO and find it to be a must-have, but we wont be using ours till Brandon hits 6 months because the current 0-6 carrier is a lie-flat, which is an issue for babies with reflux. The Doona, on the other hand, is excellent for babies with reflux, moms with a busy lifestyle, and moms with several cars or no car. The Yoyo is so practical. It folds up into a tiny accessory you can carry with you everywhere, even the airplane. You can later on convert it to a 6+ stroller when the time comes. The Doona can be found at Le Bouquet or Just Kidding, and the YOYO at Cookie Dough Boutique or Just Kidding.

Car seat. I love the Doona, Maxi Cosi and Cybex. The Doona can be found at Le Bouquet, the Maxi Cosi at the Baby Company, and the Cybex at Mamas & Papas. Many prefer to purchase a travel system stroller, which comes with its own car seat. That’s also a great idea.

Flathead pillow. I used the Candide Expert from Moms & Babies during the day time. It’s great for when baby is lying on his back during playtime or sitting in the stroller. So far, no flat head – thank God.

Anti reflux pillow. My baby has reflux, so placing a wedge pillow underneath the mattress has done wonders for us. Even if your baby doesn’t have reflux, many doctors advise on putting baby to sleep on an inclined mattress. It’s much safer in case of vomiting or gagging incidents during sleep.

Baby monitor. The Motorala has been my favorite so far. Its monitor is possibly the best I’ve tried, not to mention its accuracy and detail when it comes sound and image – it’s almost as through you’re sitting with baby in the room. I love that you can also access the cam from your phone when you’re not at home. It’s the best we’ve tried, price versus performance. The one we own is the Motorola MBP854.

Playmat. This is excellent for playtime, tummy time, stimulation, and discovery. I got Brandon’s from Joue Club and Fisher-Price and absolutely love both.

Tummy time prop pillow. I love the one I bought from ELC Early Learning Center. It’s excellent for babies that hate tummy time and great to help them get the hang of it.

0+ Toys. You need these to stimulate your baby at every developmental stage from 0-3 months. I love everything from Fisher-Price and ELC Early Learning Center. Brandon is obsessed with his links from Mothercare.

Crib mobile. These are excellent for putting baby to sleep as well as stimulating baby while awake. I love the Fisher-Price mobiles, though the ones at Mamas & Papas are the prettiest.

Happi Tummi. This is a must for calming down colicky, gassy and fussy babies. It also helps baby sleep better at night. I still use it everyday for gas relief. It just smells heavenly!

Night light. I love the Pabobo night lights from Moms & Babies.

White noise machine. I don’t like to keep it too quiet around Brandon. I love to play music or sounds of the ocean, wind, rain, etc. Not only does it help him sleep better, but it gets him used to dozing off even with some noise around him. An alternative to this is an app called Sound Sleeper. It has the most addictive “noise” options that helped soothe my baby and put him right to sleep.

Humidifier. for dry climates, a cool air humidifier is very helpful for both baby’s skin and breathing.

Hospital grade hand sanitizer. It’s best to keep your hands super clean around newborns, and this is very helpful to have around in case you have relatives or guests over that want to see, touch or carry your baby. I have one in each room of the house.

And last but not least,

A pen and notebook. If there’s one helpful tip I learned from the nurses I worked with, it’s to keep daily record of your baby’s feeds, diapers, naps, vomiting and/or diarrhea, if any, and any changes that may occur. This helped me keep track of my baby’s development, and make sure he’s sleeping enough, drinking enough, and peeing enough. It also helped me identify that his body wasn’t agreeing with a certain formula, as well as figure out that he has reflux. My baby is almost four months old, on an excellent schedule, and I still keep track of everything even when I’m outside the house. Some may perceive this as overkill or neurotic, but believe me, it’s hectic enough in the first months, and it’s easy to forget things, so this has been a lifesaver.

I’m pretty sure there’s tons I’m forgetting, so if there’s something you think I should add to this list, please leave your thoughts in the comments section below and I’ll be sure to add the extra points in an additional edit. Lots of love to all you mamas. Remember, we each do things differently, and there’s no strict right or wrong. You’re all doing the best you can, and deserve to be celebrated everyday! And that’s the most essential point to remember throughout all this.

-R

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