#our idiot spies

[pippinoftheshire]

I just can't get over their faces here :)

Solo looks like he's not used to being upstaged, and Illya just looks so fucking smug <3

#our idiot spies #tmfu #the man from uncle #lol #napoleon solo #illya kuryakin #i love them your honor

[wangxianficfinder]

In the mood for...

March 12th

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1. hi! for the next itmf could i please get lxc being called out on his bs? i was obsessed with “weep no more, sad fountains” but i still wanted to see him actually having to come to terms with that fact that he put his trust on jgy above his trust on his brother and was complicit on all of it. thanks!!

break by justdoityoufucker (T, 3k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, LXC Critical, JC Critical, Canonical Character Death, Guānyīn Temple Scene, BAMF WN, Protective WN)

Ghosts Shouldn’t by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 15k, WangXian, Grief/Mourning, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending) also contains many "FU"s against Lan Xichen but more for how the Lan Clan treated Lan Wangji when he protected Wei Ying & took in Yuan.

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2. Hi! For ITMF, can you please recommend wangxian fics where other people (could be other canon characters, OCs or outsider pov) find out about wangxian’s marriage and are jealous of how lan wangji is the most devoted, doting husband or even just surprised/ awed with their relationship!

Thank you always for your efforts and time 🫶

Life before you was tragic by covalentbonds (Not rated, 4k, wangxian, Fluff and Humor) The part that’s relevant to the ask is in the second chapter

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3. Hi again. ITMF two sets of fics a) where wwx and lwj end up taking care of yuan er after they find him on the door step, a family member leaves him in their care etc b) wwx and lwj having loads of kids adoption or birth wise maybe even a few of the children finding them and just kind of latching on and it's kid fics, the longer the better @thatperson0-0

3A)

The Simplest Way Forward by harriet_vane (E, 70k, WangXian, Modern AU, Accidental Baby Acquisition,Kid Fic, explicit in much much later chapters, green card marriage (but not really), pining for your own husband, endless pining, Slow Burn, Happy Ending, Nothing else bad or traumatic happens to the baby, [Podfic of] The Simplest Way Forward by knight_tracer) maybe? WY & LZ aren't together when Yuan shows up but get together days later.

🔒💖 so take my hand (take my whole life too) by cicer (E, 92k, wangxian, Modern, Accidental Baby Acquisition, oh my god they were roommates, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, this fic is not about trauma, it's about the yearning, slowburn, some characters have a pretty strong bias against folks with drug addiction, (this does not reflect the author's opinion of people with addiction disorders!), none of the really grim abuse/drug use affects our main characters, and it takes place offscreen) should be a good fit

3B)

🔒💖 love, in fire and blood by cicer (E, 360k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, YLLZ WWX, Arranged Marriage, political scheming, Gratuitous Domesticity, Mutual Pining, EXTREME SLOWBURN, the inherent eroticism of the forehead ribbon, The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known, neither wwx nor lwj want to be Perceived, but sorry kids! it's gonna happen!, rated E but the the NSFW stuff doesn't begin until chapter 19!, bottom lwj in chapter 20 and 27)

❤️ Attempting the Impossible by Ariaste for williedustice (T, 36k, WangXian, JC & WWX, Post-Canon, Yunmeng Bros Reconciliation, Adoption, Family Fluff, Kid fic, Family drama, Fluff, 🔒[PODFIC] Attempting the Impossible by Ariaste by lunatique)

🔒and having a marvelous time by varnes (E, 108k, WangXian, Yúnmèng Siblings, Sound of Music AU, (i know!!! i know. stay with me on this.), Slow Burn, Mutual Pining, Family Feels, spies to lovers???, Protective Siblings, Sometimes You Just Want Your Dads To Admit They're Your Dads, Angst with a Happy Ending, podfic of and having a marvellous time by varnes by Spinifex) this story has WWX adopting a bunch of kids (or maybe them adopting him), but LWJ loves then as soon as he meets them do hopefully this will work for the request.

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4. Hiiii thank you for all your hard work!!!!

For the next itmf do you have any

A. Child abuse / neglect wwx where lwj realize something is wrong like in the shadow of moonlit flowers by Reverie(cl410) or works that mention the fact that wwx is not giving his all in exams / is being disruptive on purpose (maybe he corrects lwj on something super complicated) and after he stops his grades gets so much better…

B. Anything where wwx safeword out of a nonsexual situation? Like a meeting with the Jiangs or something triggering??

Anyway thank you so much for everything ✨✨✨✨✨✨ @ihaveasoftspotfora-yuan

4A)

Just Say Yes series by edenwolfie (M, 338k, wangxian, canon divergence, matchmaking, pining, cloud recesses study arc, getting together, fluff, humor, hurt/comfort, everyone lives au) Wei Ying misbehaves because he's not challenged enough

🔒 Warming up (to him) by barisan (T, 9k, LQR & WWX, WangXian, Hypothermia, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Temporary Character Death, Medical Inaccuracies, YZY Abuses WWX, JFM Bashing, pre-wangxian, Good Uncle LQR, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort)

Company by WithBroomBefore (T, 29k, wangxian, canon divergence, not YZY friendly, pre-relationship, getting together, fix-it, hurt/comfort, light angst w/ happy ending)

🔒💙 Holding shreds by barisan (T, 5k, WangXian, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, No Sunshot Campaign, Body Swap, Not for sexy shenanigans, Chronic Pain, Hurt WWX, Hurt LWJ, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abusive YZY, Bad Parent YZY,  Bad Parent JFM, Good Uncle LQR, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Inaccuracies, POV WWX, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jiāng Family Bashing, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Getting Together, Smart WWX)

please don't let me be misunderstood by sysrae (T, 3k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, getting hit by cars, Past Child Abuse, Friends to Lovers, Abusive YZY, Caring LWJ, Injured wwx)

~*~

5. ur favorite darkji fics? thanksss

A Matter of Time series by mrcformoso (E, 84k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, graphic depictions of violence, underage, LWJ pov, JC pov, dark LWJ, manipulation, grooming, teen body adult mind for LWJ, happy ending for wangxian, problematic consensual underage sex, blood & violence, insane LWJ, manic LWJ)

💖 Ominous by 3neetee (T, 5k, wangxian, pre-relationship, established relationship, character death, fae & fairies, changelings, dark LWJ, dark WWX, BAMF WWX, graphic description, suicide, implied/referenced domestic violence)

Like stones on an unseen board by Vir_Abelasan (Not rated, 11k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Dark LWJ, Older LWJ, Teacher LWJ, dark twin jades, Age Difference, Manipulation, Protective LWJ, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Corporal Punishment, Relatively canon-typical abusive Jiangs, WWX Get a Happy Ending, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Not JC Friendly, Not Jiang Clan Friendly)

💖 I just wanted to see you so bad by Blackberreh, ThatOnePlatypus (T, 1k, wangxian, canon divergence, dark LWJ, minor character death, blood)

💖 Somewhere Sits an Empty Throne by Siamesa (E, 19k, WangXian, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, tgcf fusion, Gods & Goddesses, Ghosts, Romance, vengeance, Dark LWJ, Grief/Mourning, Explicit Sexual Content, Angst with a Happy Ending)

💖 Do you want to hear by allollipoppins, dameauxgentianes (T, 12k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, canon divergence, not everyone dies au, epistolary, Madam Lan lives, minor character death, dark LWJ, Lan WWX, bad parents JFM & YZY, good uncle LQR, no sunshot campaign)

💖 demons run when a good man goes to war by Miranda_Aurelia (T, 20k, wangxian, LWJ & NHS, JYL/JZX, canon divergence, angst w happy ending, NHS & LWJ friendship, not JGY friendly, dark LWJ, revenge, (presumed) major character death, not LXC friendly)

💖  Like the sea loves the shore by Say (E, 15k, wangxian, LQY & WWX, implied/referenced WWX/WC, F/F, rule 63, dark LWJ, protective LWJ, sirens, childhood friends to lovers, fluff, angst w/ happy ending, eventual smut, human WWX, siren LWJ, age difference, non-human genitalia, minor character death)

💖  Buried in the Sky, Hallowed by thy Depths by themunchking (T, 9k, wangxian, supernatural elements, sirens, dark wangxian, canon-typical violence)

💖 The Way You Tremble by themunchking (E, 6k, wangxian, murder husbands, vampires, blood, violence, supernatural elements)

At heart by apathyinreverie (M, 8k, wangxian, WIP, Dark LWJ(Ish), Amnesia, WWX gets to be Not Okay after the BM, Hurt WWX, Recovery, Caring, Protective LWJ, Possessive LWJ, some definite manipulation, but not everything is as it seems, not nearly as dark as the tags make it sound, Canon Divergence, Golden Core Reveal, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, Domestic WangXian, Fluff, WWX Goes to Gusu, WWX happily atticwifing away, Sunshot Campaign, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ)

~*~

6. Hi!!

It's been a while since I asked here, but I can't help but to come back for MXTX stories jahaha

I Was wondering, for the next "I'm in the mood fof", may I ask for fics where WWX is good friends with HC from TGCF? I need their bromanceeeeee

Tysm!! @nia-rarita

🧡 The Red Ribbon by Xiao_Hua (M, 21k, WangXian, HuaLian, Canon Divergence, Ghost City, a bit of beefleaf, Immortality, Cultivation Partners, Juniors, XL and HC find a child who happens to be WWX, Fluffy wangxian, WWX is a Supreme Ghost King, First Time, TGCF)

🔒Can we skip to the Good Part? by pink-lotus-pods (kkomaism) (T, 107k, HuaLian, WangXian, Canon-Typical Violence, Crossover, YLLZ WWX, HuaLian are in Love , Married HuaLian, Slow Build, Canon Temporary Character Death, Ghost WWX, Fix-It of Sorts, Canon Divergence, Blood and Violence, Character Study, Panic Attacks, WWX Has a Mental Breakdown, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, unbearable amounts of sexual tension, Suicidal Thoughts, mild but it's still there!, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Genius WWX)

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7. Hiiii for the next itmf do you know any alpha to omega wwx ??? Like Juste A Taste by anxiousTypist or any omega wwx and alpha lwj being “roommates”

Thank you for your work !!!!! 🤍🩵❤️🖤

Blissful Ignorance and All Its Benefits by DrPanda99 (E, 20k, wangxian, WIP, A/B/O, Non-Traditional A/B/O Dynamics, Oblivious WWX, Alpha WWX, Alpha LWJ, Bitching, Self-bitching?, Masturbation, Size Difference, of the penis variety, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Knotting Dildos, Large Cock, Small Penis, Size Kink, Accidental Voyeurism, Size Queen WWX, LWJ & WWX Have a Breeding Kink, PWP, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Humor)

Two Alphas, One Ship by fenaly (E, 6k, wangxian, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, A/B/O, Bitching, Rape/Non-con Elements, Non-consensual sex, Non-Consensual Bitching, Aliens, Non-Human Genitalia, Blood and Gore, Murder Husbands, Feminizing genitalia terms, Among Us AU, Sci-Fi, Explicit Smut, Tentacles, Shapeshifting, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Monsterfucking, Violence, Alpha/Alpha becomes Alpha/Omega, Breeding Kink, Wank and Tell)

🔒 Unpreventable Happened by 3neetee (G, 15k, wangxian, Modern, A/B/O, Alpha LWJ, Alpha WWX, but not for long, Bitching, Roommates, baby acquisition, fostering, Pre-Relationship, Mutual Pining, WWX is irresponsible with himself, Domestic Fluff, Kid Fic)

Changing by Dixielis (T, 2k, wangxian, A/B/O, Alpha LWJ, Alpha WWX, Omega WWX, Bitching, Mpreg, POV Outsider, Hurt/Comfort, Good Uncle LQR, Modern)

Mutual Nurture by NinaCarow (E, 9k, wangxian, Mentions of Character Death, mentions of abuse, Mentions of Rape, no rape occures tho, A/B/O, Non-Traditional A/B/O Dynamics, Omega WWX, Alpha LWJ, Past Alpha WWX, Biting, Bonding, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Knotting, WWX Has a New Golden Core, its just sex and cuteness, mostly)

what home feels like by callmeb6104 (E, 7k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, A/B/O, Alpha LWJ, Alpha WWX, Omega WWX, changing of (secondary) gender, Whump, WWX Whump, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, No Sunshot Campaign, Aged-Up Character(s), Domestic Violence, Bad Parent YZY, Anal Play, Anal Fingering, Ass to Mouth, Multiple Orgasms, sex tears, Hand Jobs, First Time Blow Jobs, First Time, Nipple Licking, Nipple Play, Body Worship)

I care for you by Lanwangjisnights (M, 27k, wangxian, WIP, Modern with Magic, Magical Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy, Alpha LWJ, Omega WWX, Alpha WWX, Fox WWX, Knotting, Nesting, Dual Cultivation, Mpreg, Non-Traditional A/B/O Dynamics)

~*~

8. Hey!!

I hope youre doing well <33 i wanted to read something similar to how to fall in love with a catfish - a guide by wwx in terms of humour. Im fine with whatever premise/canon/non canon/au etc etc i just want to read something witty-ish funny like how that was.

Thank you in advance!!!!

Inter-Sect Politics for the Absolute Beginner by Elpie (Horribibble) (M, 3k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Brothels, BAMF WWX, Chaotic WWX, Humor, JGS Being an Asshole, Justice, JGY & WWX Friendship)

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9. Is there a fic where wwx becomes pregnant through artifical insemination. He doesn't know it's lwj and neither does lwj. They end up getting close and falling in love and later lwj learns he's also the bio dad?

~*~

10. hii :D im in the mood for some magical girl/hero AU fics, preferably wangxian but i dont mind other ships or a lack of thereof. what i mean by "magical girl AU" is a modern setting in which cultivators are more or less vigilantes/heroes who can transform using their powers. hellinglaozu on tumblr has an AU similar to the genre im looking for btw, if you'd want a more concrete idea as to what i'm looking for you could refer to it (it's called seventeen romance). thank you!! ^^ @harapecowee

Wei Wuxian Makes a Wish series by natcat5 (M, 119k, wangxian, major character death, underage, madoka magica au, modern w/ magic, time travel, high school au, body horror, self-harm, angst w/ bittersweet ending, time loop, mental instability, suicidal thoughts) absolutely phenomenal madoka magica wangxian au

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11. Hey! I’m in the mood for fics similar to Impossible Remains on AO3, aka wangxian fics where WWX dies after the golden core transplant or just earlier than canon! thank u so much to all the mods and the lovely work u guys do! 🥰🫶

Blood of the Black Earth by wirevix (M, 48k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Xuánwǔ of Slaughter Cave, Sunshot Campaign, Sad with a Happy Ending, Ghost WWX, Monster WWX, Canonical Character Death, Although not at the canonical time, Grief/Mourning, Good Sibling JC, Horror)

~*~

12. thanks for ur hard work! any pregnant wwx fic recs?

Accidents Will Happen by vesna (mrsronweasley) (E, 45k WangXian, Post Canon, Mpreg, Fluff, Light angst)

🧡 Brilliant Mistake by brooklinegirl (E, 53k, WangXian, Modern AU, Sex Pollen, Mpreg, dubcon, Modern Cultivators, Dubious Medical Science)

All I Want by Selenay (E, 47k, wangxian, Modern, Mpreg, Post Holiday Romance, Consequences, Reunions, Idiots in Love, wangxian attempt to be sensible adults about it, they are very bad at it, Teacher WWX, Handwavey Biology)

Impermanence, Transience, Permanence by Best Bepsy (BepsyGray) (E, 39k, wangxian, canon divergence, unplanned pregnancy, mpreg, gore, sunshot campaign, assumed miscarriage, medical procedures, childbirth, golden core reveal)

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13. Hello! I need your help in suggestions. Can you suggest me a Wangxian fanfiction where Wei Ying hurts Lan Zhan for jiangs or others and latter reunited with him. I have read various Lwj hurting Wei Ying fanfiction but not Wei Ying hurting Lan Zhan @abz18699-blog

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14. hii, this is for itmf!

fics where they struggle w remembering things, not like memory loss, maybe where they disassociate. forgetting things which r not so nice and then starting to forget small random details?

thank you!!!!

to the river of rivers by haysel (T, 26k, WangXian, Character Study, Post-Canon, Mutual Pining, Dissociation, Getting Together, Misunderstandings, Trauma, Angst with a Happy Ending, tw for dissociation, sort of sickfic, Hurt/Comfort)

~*~

15. I'm assuming that this is where I ask about ITMF recs? If it is, do you have any fics focusing on like, the past characters reacting specifically to Nie Huaisang's 10 year revenge plan, or to how differently Nie Huasang acts after everything? Or at least any fics where the past characters react to the future (whether it be through watching the show, or going to the future, meeting future selves, etc.) that has some amount of focus on Nie Huaisang along with everything else? Thank you!

💖 The Path by Seastar98 (Not rated, 279k, wangxian, JC/WQ, JYL/JZX, fix-it of sorts, CQL verse, golden core reveal, angst w/ happy ending, BAMF NHS)

Nie HuaiSang's Diaries - When Spirits Drift in Time by IlnaHers (T, 37k, wangxian, WIP, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Reveal, Time Travel? only the diaries though, Characters Watching the Show, Serious WWX, Hurt WWX, Hurt JC, Hurt LWJ, Protective LWJ, Protective JC, Protective WWX, Hurt NHS, Protective NHS, Character Death Reveal, Progressive Reveal, Melancholy, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Feels, Twin Prides of Yúnmèng Angst, Twin Jades of Lán Feels, Sad, Shock, Mentioned Junior Quartet)

~*~

16. Hewwo!!!!! For the next ITMF could i pretty pls get recs for Wen remnants/burial mounds era???? Bonus points if there’s the Wens and/or Yilling people loving their patriarch and extra bonus points if there’s the sects realizing they’re wrong and leaving them alone but not necessarily requirements, i just want Wei Wuxian and his found family being happy making a dire place their home!

🔒 the thread may stretch or tangle but it will never break by RoseThorne (E, 91k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Soulmates, Self-Esteem Issues, Fix-It, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, PTSD, Handfasting, Panic Attacks, Getting Together, First Time, Aftercare, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Torture, Scars, Chronic Pain, Golden Core Reveal, First Time, Switching, sex-related injury, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, LSZ is a Wèi, Good Sibling JC, Dissociation, Burial Mounds Settlement Days)

Until It's Dark by suzvoy (M, 120k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, LWJ Finds Out, Pining, Fluff and Angst, First Kiss, First Time, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Hair-pulling in chapter 23) also has Lan Wangji in the Burial Mounds but has a great depiction of the Wens and how the sects could have responded better

💖 Return to Sender by Thesaurus_with_no_words (M, 72k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, BAMF WWX, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, Temporary Amnesia, Slow burn)

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17. Anyone wanna rec me some light-hearted time travel fics? I like the serious ones fine but it's hard to find ones that are funny.

Thanks in advance! o7

🔒 ripples spread out when a single pebble is dropped into water by RoseThorne (G, 1k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, JYL & WWX, JC & WWX, WWX & WQ, LQR & LWJ, LQR & WWX, Time Travel Fix-It, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Past Character Death, Future Character Death, Timey-Wimey, Truth, Honesty, Guilt, Crack and Angst, POV Third Person, POV WWX, Cloud Recesses Study Arc) kinda

Wrong Turn, Right Place by diamondbruise (E, 71k, WangXian, Time Travel, kind of, it’s more reality travel but there’s modern wwx and cultivator lwj, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jealousy, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Misunderstandings, Cultural Differences)

rerun from the outside by Eicas (T, 2k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time travel, Crack, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, JC POV)

River Stones by littlesystems (M, 18k, WangXian, Time Travel, Post-Canon, Cloud Recesses Study arc, Junior Quartet, Oblivious WWX, Suffering LWJ, Voyeurism)

Wangxian's Time-Travelling Shenanigans Series by pupeez4eva (Varies, 18k, WangXian, Time Travel, Humor, POV Outsider, Love confessions, PDA, Everyone Lives/Nobody dies) most of their wangxian fics explore lighthearted time travel fix it

🔒An Arrow Through Time by syrus_jones (M, 166k, WIP, WangXian, Crack Treated Seriously, Time Travel, Reverse time travel, into the future, Potentially a Fix-it-fic?, Time Travel Fix-It, Mistaken Identity, POV LWJ, Angst, Gay Panic, Falling In Love, Fluff and Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Canon Divergence, Post-Canon, Canon Compliant, Young LWJ, Older WWX, Internally Screaming LWJ) though it is not been updated since long

💖 vinegar jug by dandelion_san (G, 7k, WIP, WangXian, Time Travel, Humor, Awkward Crushes, Jealousy)

Look forward, the future looks back by SerlinaBlack (T, 1k, WangXian, Time Travel, Fluff and Humor, Attempt at Humor, Dialogue Heavy, Crack Treated Seriously, Madam yu's a+ parenting mentioned, Oblivious WWX, jealous LWJ, WWX in WWX's body)

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic recs #i'm in the mood for a fic #the untamed #wangxian fic search #wangxianficfinder #long post

[seat-safety-switch]

How many years of your life have you spent hitting refresh on package-tracking websites? Does it make a material difference to your life whether this box leaves Chicago tonight, when you live absolutely nowhere near Chicago (people reading this from Chicago: please substitute for another distant city?) No, but we want to know what's going on with our shit. Maybe, just maybe, there will be an update, and we can imagine what life is like in the distant land of YUEN LONG INTERNATIONAL PACKAGE SORTING. I bet they have crazy ice cream flavours that we don't get here.

As you might expect, I buy a lot of parts for my hoopties. And, because those cars have been "out of print" for several decades, you have to get creative about where you get those parts. How did a crate full of Quadrajets end up in Vietnam? Not my concern, but as long as I can bumblefuck my way through a conversation roughly tantamount to "I give money, you give old machine parts," I'll get something in the mail that I can strap to my engine.

Will it actually be a Quadrajet? Probably not. Sometimes I accidentally bungle into a CIA dead drop. It's happened more than once that some creepy spies operating in another country send me a box full of top-secret microfiche instead of my car parts, which is always a pain in the ass because even after I throw it into the curbside recycling, I'm still stalked by federal assassins for a few weeks demanding to know where it is. Eventually, after dispatching enough of them using a combination of pure idiot's luck and living in a house stuffed to the gills with rusty and/or electrified garbage, I get to talk to a middle manager, who agrees to let me "off the hook," as it is. And then I still don't have my junk. Zero stars on eBay.

What is important is that these parts or microfiche or nuclear secrets, whatever they are, are sent with tracking numbers. Otherwise, I have nothing to ruthlessly push F5 on when I should be concentrating on something more important, like ordering more parts, or emailing foreign agents why my 318 poly heads haven't moved for a few hours. You better not have gotten captured and tortured to death again. This is why I paid for the insurance.

[suenitos]

the plan doesnt work with just one of us. one day we'll play minecraft at the same house. one day we'll have a permanent sleepover at that house. one day we'll travel the world. one day we'll record a song. one day we'll light fireworks and scream as we jump through them. one day we'll celebrate our birthdays in person for the first time. one day we'll dance in the living room like idiots. we'll do all of this together. we'll be pirates one day and pokemon trainers one day we'll be astronauts or cowboys or spies or gym buddies one day. we'll be creatures frolicking in a field one day. we can be crab rangoons on the same plate or perhaps sushi or skittles if you prefer. we can be kittens from the same litter or piñatas in the same store. we can be matching little trinkets or pets or stuffed animals. we can be the sun the stars the moon we can make up a constellation with the three of us. we can be the wheels on a tricycle. every iteration of us will be a little family immortalized in code and emblazoned by the joy in our hearts. one day.

#ummmmmm dteam family word vomit since i got possessed last night by crab rangoons on my tl.. wasnt gonna post but i need to jingle some keys #I AM NOT A WRITER. #dt.txt

[jungle-angel]

Menaces to Society (Rhett Abbott x Reader)

Summary: You thought your boys were feral as children......wait until they turn twenty one

Warnings: Perry slander, Tillerson slander, taking a leak on somebody’s truck for revenge, drunken shenanigans etc. 

Tagging: @sebsxphia @lewmagoo @bradleybeachbabe @nobody7102 @creativitybeware​ @rhettabbotts​

The group of boys had all gathered at the Handsome Gambler, crowding around the bar as their favorite music blasted from the jukebox in the corner. After weeks spent on midterms and constant studying, the boys of the Delta Tau Epsilon Fraternity were more than happy to be blowing of steam, among them, Tatum and Tanner Abbott and Colt Tillerson. 

“CHUG IT!!!! CHUG IT!!!! CHUG IT!!!” the boys chanted as they lifted Tanner up by his legs for the kegstand challenge.

Tanner took in as much as he could, the bar owner timing him as his frat brothers cheered him on. Finally, he swallowed the last little bit before Jimmy Peterson, the bar owner, clocked him in and put his time record up on the chalkboard. 

“You my man,” Tate Dutton said, clapping a hand on Tanner’s shoulder. “Are the fucking kegstand CHAMP!” 

Tanner and the other frat brothers cheered loudly as Bo Andreola, one of the football players, lifted him up onto his broad, husky shoulders. Around 1:30, Jimmy announced it was closing time, only to be cued by the playing of Luke Bryan’s “Time To Take My Drunk Ass Home”, the boys and all the bar patrons singing along like a bunch of screeching seagulls. 

Out of the bar they stumbled, Tatum, Tanner, Colt, Tate and Jake Dutton, Joey Wheeler and a few others heading to the parking lot. “Alright fuckers,” Tatum slurred. “Let’s get us home, I’m drivin.” 

“Uh the fuck you are!” Danny Gonzales told him. “You’re drunker’n I am. I’ll call my brother.” 

Danny luckily had his brother, Antonio, on speed dial. Antonio never really drank and thus had become the designated driver along with three others. Unfortunately for them, Antonio was across town and wouldn’t be able to pick them up for at least a half hour. 

They wandered up and down the streets, looking for a place to wait it out, when they spied two familiar vehicles parked on the curb. “Oh shit,” Tatum muttered after letting out a rather rude burp. 

“Wassup?” Joey asked him. 

“You know who’s trucks those are, right?” 

“Aw shit,” Joey answered when he came to the realization. “That’s Trevor and Perry’s trucks.” 

“What are those fuckin assholes doin in our neck of the woods?” Jake questioned. 

“Probably doin each other in an alley somewhere,” Tate chuckled. 

Tatum and Tanner gave each other a look as soon as an evil little germ of a thought began to bloom in the back of their heads. Even Colt could tell what they were thinking without even saying a word. “You know what we gotta do right?” Tatum said. 

“Better do it now while we’re loaded,” Tanner told him. 

Tatum readily instructed for him, Tanner and Colt to take Trevor’s truck while the others could have at Perry’s. “Alright boys,” Tatum announced. “This one’s for Dad.” 

All at once the boys unzipped their flies and relieved themselves right there on the horrible men’s dirt spattered trucks, laughing the whole entire time. Too bad Jaime’s car hadn’t been nearby. Tate, Jake and Joey would have absolutely loved the thought of taking that one on as well. Bo and Danny held up their phones, taking a video of the drunken frat boys for later. It wasn’t long either before they were taking photos of their little graffitied creation, the words “Fuck you Perry” and “Fuck you Trevor” having been inscribed in the dirt with their own streams while the boys pointed at it and made stupid faces or stupid poses with it. 

The sudden blurt of police sirens and the flash of lights made them all straighten right up. Sheriff Joy hopped out onto the curb and shut the doors to the cruiser, sighing and laughing all at once when she saw the culprits. 

“Oh God, not you idiots again,” she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. 

“HEY AUNT JOY!!!!!!” Tatum and Tanner greeted loudly and happily. 

**************

“Rhett can you get the door?!” you called from upstairs. 

Rhett groaned and rose from the couch, straightening his reader glasses on his nose before making his way to the door. When he opened it, he was a little less than pleased to find Joy on the porch.

“Hey Rhett,” she greeted. “I just picked up your little miscreants outside the bar and came to drop them off.” 

“Oh God, what’d they do now?” Rhett groaned. 

“Check their phones, I guarantee you there’s photos,” Joy laughed before heading back to the cruiser. 

“Oh damnit,” Rhett muttered. “Darlin, ya’ll better come down here, it happened again!” 

***************

The boys were absolutely silent as Rhett scrolled through Tatum’s phone and his camera roll, his face contorting into confused and wide-eyed expressions every so often. 

“So let me get this straight,” Rhett said, breaking the long, pregnant pause that had come over the kitchen. “You idiots were loaded beyond all human reasoning, were waiting for a ride home and decided to take a leak on a vehicle?” 

Tatum burped again. “Yep.” 

Rhett bit his lip, trying hard not to laugh, looking at you as if you’d break first. “Alright, you jackasses go upstairs and make yourselves cozy, I’ll discuss this with your mother.” 

The boys all stumbled up the stairs, trying their best not to wake Amy and Jeff’s baby who had just fallen asleep in yours and Rhett’s room. “Are they in trouble?” you asked him. 

“I’ll be nice and let’em off the hook this time,” Rhett chuckled. “Tomorrow when they’re all hungover is a completely different story.” 

#rhett abbott #rhett abbott x reader #amy abbott #tate dutton #perry abbott #billy tillerson #outer range #yellowstone

[melanieph321]

Hey everyone!

Thank you for all the message where you've helped me pick the next fic I'm going to write.

I have decided to write suggestion number 2! Most of you were keen on that, although the results between suggestion 1 and 2 were very close.

I feel fic number 2 will be very fitting to write as a contrast to my last fic The Bodyguard, which was very sad 😭.

Below I give you a little teaser for the story.

Enjoy!

Ruben Dias x Reader - Top Spies (Teaser)

Ruben and Reader are super spies, who have to pretend to be a married couple on vacation as a co-signed mission. A enemies to lovers fic, very sweet and funny!

"What now?" You asked.

You and Ruben spent all night bugging the place with cameras, microphones and movment sensors. You were pretty much free to do whatever until tonight. That's when most suspicious activity occured, during the night.

"Let's go to the beach." Ruben yawned, stretching his arms above his head.

"The what now?"

"The beach. People need to see us do normal stuff together, otherwise they'll suspect that somthing is off."

He had a point. You hated that he had a point.

"Fine. Just give me a minute to pack my stuff."

"No need. Just grab a towel and take your clothes off. "

"Excuse me?"

Ruben grinned. "Didn't you read the signs on our way up here?"

"What signs?" You swear to God, Ruben was one charming smirk away from getting the taste slapped out of his mouth.

"There's only nude beaches around Alejandro's resort. No bikini's allowed."

"What? That's ridiculous. "

"Those are the rules wifey, so get those tights off and let's enjoy the beach."

"Ruben, I'm not going to..."

But he was.

Getting naked, that is.

Tossing his shirt aside and stepping out of his board shorts, Ruben was proud to show off his slick body and well rounded ass. He was about to show you more than just his ass but you turned around, facing the windows.

"Come on Y/N, have you never seen a naked man before?"

"A naked man, yes. A naked idiot, no."

#fanfiction #football imagine #ruben dias #man city #manchester city #ruben dias x reader #ruben dias imagine #footballer imagine #footballer x reader #football angst

[phntmeii]

♡ Dating Margaery Tyrell Headcanons

❝ ...a lovely young girl with doe's eyes and a cascade of soft brown hair.❝ 

[ SFW + Fem Terms Used]

Pairing: Margaery Tyrell x Fem!Snow!Reader

A/N: I miss her to a concerning level. She really was a queen in every aspect and I personally need her so bad.

🌷 You’d been one of the famed Stark bastards. Twin to Jon Snow. Growing up was odd. You were raised beside the Stark family yet felt like an outsider. Some family were kind enough: Ned, Arya, Robb. But some were more critical like Catelyn and Sansa.

🌷 You were made to be a proper lady although you’d never live the life of one. When Ned had to go to King’s Landing, you went as well. After all, Catelyn would dislike seeing lingering around still.

🌷 And so you endured King’s Landing beside Sansa as one of her ladies-in-waitings. Even in her grief where she would scream at you, you were always there still. She was your sister even if you were a bastard.

🌷 And then came the Tyrells to save the Battle of Blackwater. You watched along with Sansa as Margaery presented herself to Joffrey, wanting to be his new queen. You couldn’t even pay attention to the weight of her words when she glanced over at you by the rafters above and your heart stopped.

🌷 Margaery was beautiful and she knew it as well as anyone. She was the definition of a lady and you swore you seemed more like a desperate man in love the way your eyes followed after Margaery in the hall.

🌷 And the worst part was how she met your eyes and kept the gaze while she left.

🌷 Margaery was no Varys or Littlefinger, having spies all across the land to tell her information but your eyes were evident in what they said.

🌷 Love was always apparent in someone’s eyes.

🌷 Margaery’s personality molds into whoever she needs it to be for a specific situation or toward a specific person. And she’d use this ability to her advantage.

🌷 You didn’t know when it started that Margaery would find a way to sneak into your chambers. She had a coy smile as she came up from behind to purposefully frighten you before kissing you.

🌷 Her playfulness was something that made you fall harder. She seemed to always be smiling. Always laughing. She was perfect and yet so simply elegant.

🌷 You two had to be secret for a number of reasons.

🌷 Firstly, Joffrey was her betrothed and he certainly wouldn’t hesitate to put you both down for finding out what you had done with Margaery.

🌷 If Joffrey didn’t, the church would certainly love to. They’d spin the story of the dishonest Stark bastard who seduced the lovely rose of Highgarden.

🌷 And, lastly, you were a bastard. Period. There was no world where you could be with her if it wasn’t in secret.

🌷 But you couldn’t pull yourself away from her. Whenever you worried of the consequences, Margaery was coiled around you, whispering your worries away.

🌷 “My love… There is nothing to fear. This is our secret. One we’ll keep for a lifetime if need be. When I’m queen, I will make sure no harm ever comes to you. I promise you.”

🌷 And Margaery knew how to play her cards right. If Joffrey questioned why she spent time with you at all, she always held a reason for it. Stroke his ego just enough to keep you beside her.

🌷 Her family were not idiots either. They were perhaps the only ones to notice how Margaery looked at you. It was dangerous for her plan of being queen if found out but, with that boy wrapped around her finger, who’d believe such a rumor?

🌷 Margaery enjoyed listening to you talk more than she liked to. Learning everything she could about you, interests, hobbies, and life story—She was fascinated by all of it.

🌷 Surrounded by flowers and flower imagery constantly from birth made Margaery’s head ache in truth but being in love with you made her want to give you flowers. And her flowers were not random picks.

🌷 Margaery would leave you a bouquet with a note in black ink or red ink. Black ink meant the bouquet were of healing herbs. Red ink meant the bouquet were of poisonous flowers.

🌷 Just like her, they were gorgeous on the outside but devious in use. Whatever kept her secret beloved safe.

🌷Margaery’s main Love Languages to give are: Acts of Service and Physical Touch.

🌷 Margaery knows the power that she holds in court and is no stranger to using it to her advantage or wants.

🌷 She appointed guards to protect you and Sansa to make sure of your safety. It was ever important to her.

🌷 She was the one to allow more of your freedom to roam about rather than be trapped solely in your chambers that felt more like a prison cell.

🌷 Margaery enjoyed sending off lemon cakes to your chambers as a little gift while you were out so you'd come back with them ready for you.

🌷 Margaery's favorite Love Languages to receive are: Physical Touch and Quality Time.

🌷 While Margaery has accustomed to playing herself up with a mask, she can't help but swoon when it comes to physical touch.

🌷 Alone in your chambers at night, she's dying to be kissed and held by you. It's as though you were a safety where she could just melt completely in your arms.

🌷 Anytime she gets time with you, she's overjoyed. It's so much more comforting than to be around the Lannisters in a game of lies.

🌷 One of her favorites is to just listen to you talk about your hobbies and your life in Winterfell.

⤷ divider credits: @cafekitsune

#asoiaf #asoiaf x reader #margaery tyrell #margaery x reader #margaery x y/n #margaery x you #margaery tyrell x reader #margaery tyrell x y/n #got x reader #game of thrones x reader

[fuckitwebhaal]

Just put durgetash in your bio at this point king

What the fuck did you just fucking say you little istyk? Chk! I'll have you know l graduated top of my creche and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on the ghaik and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in Githyankl and I'm the top fighter in the entire Astral Plane. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with psionics the likes of which have never been seen before in this realm, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me through our tadpole link? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across Faerun and your camp is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, ska'keth. The storm that wipes the pathetic little thing you call your party. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you with over seven hundred extra attacks, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed strikes, but I have access to the entire catalogue of both simple and martial weapons and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the Sword Coast, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retributions your little "clever" suggestion was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you, didn't, and now you're paying the price you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, ghaik.

#ily austin i prommy #askbox #bg3 #baldur’s gate 3 #baldur's gate 3 #lae'zel #copypasta

[nevadancitizen]

“debts to pay: sight for sore eyes”

synopsis: Schaeffer is dead. you only want to celebrate, but multiple people come along to piss in your cereal – including one of the Vox Populi.

word count: 1.8k

characters: könig, sniper! reader

trigger warnings: n/a

notes: lol i was literally in mexico that’s why this chapter took so long soz 😭😭

chapters: one / two (you are here!)

The computer screen in front of you confirms your suspicions. A smile settles across your superior’s face as she claps your shoulder in a comforting way. 

The headline reads, The Vox Populi Falls Quiet Following Daisy Schaeffer’s Death. There’s also pictures of the revolutionary in black and white, her birth and death date below them. It would be a sad sight if you weren’t so relieved. 

Your superior pulls you into a tight side-hug. You bat at her shoulder, smiling. “Colonel Fitzroy!”

“Oh, does it not bring a smile to your face to see her dead?” Fitzroy asks, laughing. “The Vox Populi are scattered.”

You hum in agreement. “It’s a sight for sore eyes, ma’am.”

Fitzroy sighs, but it’s not in a relieved or happy way. She lets you go and steps behind her desk, pulling out a thick manila folder from a drawer. She meticulously pulls out papers from the folder and puts them on the desk. 

“Okay, the time for celebration will come, but for now, we need to work.” Fitzroy turns the papers on the desk so that they’re facing you. They’re all scans of handwritten notes – some even have the outlines of post-its. One of the papers on top details Fitzroy herself. 

Your eyebrows furrow. “What is this?”

“This is what we know the Vox Populi knows.” Fitzroy points to the papers. “They know most of our operators. I slipped up and now they know me.” 

She picks up a few papers and puts them on the top, pointing to the names. “They even know most of our spies. And they have suspicions on what connections they have – they’re trying to pick out the other spies.”

You look up and meet Fitzroy’s dark, brown eyes. They’re swirling with well-hidden, barely-there panic. She looks down at the papers before you can see more. 

“How do we have this information?” You ask. 

“We have a plant,” Fitzroy says. “Not everyone that’s in the Vox Populi wants to be there. There’s a man named Carlos – his wife joined and he was forced to go with her. But, lucky for us…” She holds up a small, black, blocky device with a small screen on it. 

You stare at it for a second. “Is… is that a glucose monitor?”

Fitzroy levels you with a blank stare. “Yes. I’ve recently been diagnosed with diabetes.”

“Are you –”

“No, I’m not serious!” Fitzroy presses a few buttons and presents the small device to you. “It’s a tracker, idiot. Carlos has a tracker sewed into the sole of his shoe. He lets us see where they’re gathering, where they’re hiding – everything that’s location-based, Carlos gives us with this tracker.” She puts the tracker down on the table. 

“Then what’s with the papers?” you ask. 

“That’s… also Carlos,” Fitzroy says. “A lot is riding on Carlos staying alive, you understand? He’s climbed the ranks so we can tear them down.”

You look up at Fitzroy. “Why are you telling me this?”

Fitzroy’s eyebrows furrow. She almost looks sad. “You… are an accomplished operator. And I know you joined us to make a difference. And that’s what you’ve done by killing Schaeffer – you have made a difference –”

“Colonel, answer me! Why are you telling me this?”

Fitzroy looks at you for a second. Her eyes crinkle as she grimaces slightly. A long moment passes before she speaks again. 

“I’m sending you to infiltrate the Vox Populi.”

“You what –”

“You are one of the only operatives they don’t know about. You are efficient, polite –”

You stand from your chair. “Colonel Fitzroy, with all due respect, I don’t think I’m fit for this position. I am a sniper, not a spy. And I didn’t even want to be a sniper.”

Fitzroy stands in response. “Don’t say that. I am the one who molded you into who you are today. You are an excellent operative. You will carry this mission out as I say, when I say, where I say. You will kill the Vox Populi.” 

You stare at her. You no longer see a Colonel – no longer see your Colonel. This is a woman of desperation. She will do everything in her power to suffocate this spark that’s becoming a wildfire, because she knows the fire will be hot and vengeful, and filled with blood and brimstone. 

“How?” you say softly. 

Fitzroy looks down at the papers and reorganizes them. “Do you see someone not on my desk? A person they don’t have notes on? That they don’t know of?”

You look down at the papers, skimming over the descriptions of operators and glancing over the pictures only a few of them have. You look back up at Fitzroy after a minute. “No.”

“König,” she says simply. “It’s König that’s missing.”

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. “What does he have to do with this?”

“They don’t have info on you. They don’t have info on König.” Fitzroy sighs. “They leave us no choice but to have you two work together.”

“Not happening.”

“It will happen,” Fitzroy says sternly. “It would be suicide if you went on your own.”

“It’ll be suicide if you send me with him!” You do your best not to roll your eyes. “I’m serious. We’ll probably do that thing where we pull the trigger at the same time and kill each other. How do you see this as a nonissue?”

“Because it won’t be, if you behave yourselves,” Fitzroy says. “Listen. This is the next-to-last choice we have.”

“What’s the last choice?” You ask. “Because I think I’d rather take that.”

Fitzroy stays silent for a moment. “We give up. Let the Vox Populi kill us. And that won’t happen. Do you understand your assignment?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Dismissed.”

You suppress the urge to slam the door off its hinges when you exit Fitzroy’s office. Instead, you shut the door softly, making sure it clicks back into place. You clench your hands into fists, then let go when the pressure becomes too much. 

As you walk, your eyes are glued to the floor and your thoughts in a loop. Why don’t you just kill König and have it over with? Or expose yourself to the Vox Populi, but in a way that looks like an accident so KorTac doesn’t fire you? Or maybe just shut yourself in your room and rot and let the Vox Populi take what they want?

Slowly, the tile floor turns into concrete and the cold air conditioning disappears. Your thoughts have brought you outside, away from base. 

You look around. The streets are only sort-of crowded, but they’ll surely start bustling in an hour or so as the nightlife of the city begins. The heat from the bodies around you only exaggerate the already warm air. You slip into the nearest bar to cool down (both figuratively and literally), if only for a minute. 

The bar is off to the side. Music and talking and the sound of shakers being shaken fills the air. It’s nice. Comfortable. 

You slide into a seat and manage to flag down a bartender. You order something simple, a quick drink that goes down easy. Your eyes flicker to the television in the corner. It’s showing a college football match that no one seems too excited about.

Someone sits next to you. You don’t turn to face them, but you can tell that they’re big, imposing, and warm. It’s not even that you’re sitting that close – they just exude heat like a furnace. 

They say your name. 

You turn just the slightest bit. Of course it’s him. 

“König.”

He’s wearing a black surgical mask and a hoodie with the hood pulled over his head. A few strands of dull orange, wavy hair peek out. Even in a bar (somewhere that most people will forget they even visited) he’s still doing his whole ‘I don’t want anyone to look at my stupid fucking face because I probably look like an elephant’s cunt’ routine. 

“Did you hear?” König asks. “About our assignment.”

“Yes,” you respond. “Why did you follow me?”

König scoffs and rolls his eyes. “I didn’t follow you. Fitzroy said you’d probably be at High Velocity.”

“Yeah, and I like it here because no one really talks to other people at sports bars unless they’re rooting for the same team,” you say and look over at the television. 

“Right, whatever,” he says. 

The bartender drops off your drink with a smile. You give a quick ‘thank you’ and payment before you take a sip. The drink is sweet and goes down smooth. 

“Did you get any more details other than who we’re working with?” You ask. “Did they tell you about Carlos?”

“Yes,” Konig says. “And his… role in this play.” 

He’s careful with his words, you can tell. Probably because you’re in public.

There’s silence for a while, except it’s not really silence. Around you, people are talking, laughing, having a good time. It feels like you’re in a bubble with König, with nothing but your drink as good company. You don’t even risk shattering the quiet. 

You glance around. There’s a sorority welcoming a new sister with a round of pink pussy shots. A couple of men drinking beers dressed too nice for the bar they’re in – they probably came straight from work. A guy trying to chat up two really bored-looking girls. 

Ah. There it is. You knew you could feel something. 

A pair of eyes are staring straight at you. They belong to a man hanging out with a group of people. They would be ordinary people, except for their shirts. Across the back, in bold branding, is an abstract design of a tsunami being fended off by people with large shields in a Roman turtle formation. On the bottom, it reads, ‘WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED BY THE WAVE’. It’s a quiet symbol and mantra that you recognize belongs to the Vox Populi. 

You turn back to your drink and knock it back like a shot. You breathe out slowly and lean closer to König. The heat he exudes and the hate your heart exudes make it near impossible. 

“There’s foxes about,” you whisper to him. 

“What?”

You roll your eyes. “Fox… Vox…”

“Oh.” König glances around. “Why… is that an issue?”

“One of their men is looking at me,” you seethe. “We need to get out.”

König stands up, acting nonchalant. “Then let’s go.”

You stand and turn towards him, but make sure the man can still see your lips move. “Yeah, I’d much rather watch the game at home. It’ll be too crowded in here in, like, an hour.”

You fall in step with König as you both walk out of the bar and into the night. For a second, it’s like you do more than tolerate him. The feeling is disgusting and goes away almost immediately.

#riptide writes 🌊 #series: debts to pay #mw2 x reader #modern warfare 2 x reader #modern warfare ii x reader #modern warfare 2 x you #modern warfare ii x you #mw2 x you #cod x reader #cod x you #cod x y/n #mw2 x y/n #call of duty x reader #call of duty x you #call of duty x y/n #könig x reader #könig x you #könig x y/n #konig x reader #konig x you #konig x y/n

[pippinoftheshire]

#tmfu #fanfiction #the man from uncle #our idiot spies

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Disappointing Doom

Feb 2023 Wk 3

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My School President (Fri YT) ep 12fin - Them openly dating and flirting with each other (finally) while keeping it “secret” was hilarious. No surprise they got outed tho. The whole “coming out homophobic teacher” sequence was very extra but suited this show. And ending with prom could not be more YA. Plus smiley kisses! 

CONCLUSION?

GMMTV gave us a classic high school set Thai BL with tropes like messy boys singing their feelings that was Love Sick for the modern age with all the gentle sweetness and pining ache, but none of the dated damaging tropes or issues.  Yes, we’ve seen it all before, but this is me: I ADORE this shit. Who let my BL be this wholesome and funny? This show was fantastic, it’s only flaw was the singing (and that’s my baggage). My favorite GMMTV offering to date. 9/10 (could go as high as 9.5 on my more forgiving days) 

Bed Friend (Sat YT, GaGa & iQIYI uncut) ep 2 of 8 - I’m ending my week with this one these days. I feel like this is an EXCELLENT life decision. King’s pining is WBL levels of EPIC. Uea’s ma may be the worst ma in Thai BL (and that’s some stiff competition.) Ah getting tested together, such a right of passage. I like King a lot, his attitude, life philosophy, the way he looks an Uea, everything. This show is GREAT. 

Bed Friend extra sexy bits explained:

YouTube has the cut version with slightly less sexy content (this is what I’m mostly watching). 

GaGa ALSO has the cut version, BUT they have “extra clips” with the uncut content, you’ll need to find and watch them separately. 

iQIYI has the uncut version with the above mentioned extra sexy bits integrated back into the full episode.

Okay? 

Okay.

Moonlight Chicken (Weds YT) eps 5-6 of 8 - The break up btw Wen & Alan was really hard to watch, both actors are so good. Speaking of good actors, where did GeminiFourth come from? Seriously? I love these characters almost as a much as TinnGun. Heart’s parents are EVIL. Told ya they’d kiss as this couple bf TinnGun. Back of head wrap ‘Kiss’ tho, haven’t seen one of those from Thailand in ages. Old school. And then Khaotung just broadsides us with PAIN. This is such an aces show, but it is A LOT. 

Never Let Me Go (Tues YT) ep 11 of 12 - More cute BF intercut with agony. Holy role reversal dad butler! Otherwise a somewhat lackluster ep 11 of DOOM as dooms go, but I’m okay with that. 

Chains of Heart (Sat iQIYI) 1-2 of 10 - This is a suspense thriller about smugglers, amnesia, and lost love. Haii is good (and gorgeous) in the lead but the story is choppy, disjoined, and confusing. May be intentional, bad writing, or the captions being particularly bad (or all 3). It’s an interesting and different start. Not good but interesting. It reminds me a little of Manner of Death only with better action sequences. But I’m not sold on it because MoD had MaxTul, and this... does not. Ep 2 did not improve matters. When Ken & Lue flirt it’s fine and the Thai food bits were fun. (Kao Soi is one of my fav northern dishes, I’m sad he didn’t get to finish it.) At the funeral, why are they all texting when it can be traced and they could just be talking to each other? Honestly, everybody behaves like an idiot in this show. So I guess this is a revenge narrative? I’m so confused. They pretty tho, so I’ll keep watching because I am weak, but if you can wait, I think this is one that’s gonna be better as a binge. 

Our Winter (Thai & Korea YT & TikTok under ThaiMiniSeries) eps 1-7 of 14 - TutorYim microseries, told in vertical (TikTok) shorts. (Thanks to the BL spies for reporting in.) Cute Trope snippits but Korean is HARD to understand with a Thai accent. I’m not watching it with Eng subs and I’m not wild about this style short form but still - cute. Funny how they styled TutorYim so that they look slightly Korean - wardrobe and makeup wizardry. 

Hit Bite Love (Sat YT) ep 6 fin - Degrassi Junior BL concludes in a very soap opera way, with new characters and new/extra drama. Trigger warning on the original trigger. The investigating cop was super hot tho. Can we give him a BL? Also I liked the final scene makeup tons. But honestly what a total mess. I don’t know what i just watched and neither does it. 3/10 (sorry babies)  

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

HIStory 5: Love in the Future (Taiwan Weds Viki) ep 9 of 10 (or 17&18 of 20) - Kind of a filler ep and lackluster for a penultimate DOOM installment. But the HIStory franchise gets this way sometimes. 

Jack o’Frost (Japan GaGa) ep 2 of 6 - I’m finding it a bit dull. 

It’s Airing But ...

My Beautiful Man 2 (Viki & Gaga) - Because there are only 4 eps, I’m waiting to binge this.

Boyband ep 2 of 10 - Stopped airing on YouTube, and only available in Thailand & Japan. Not sure if they’re working a distribution deal or just fucking with us. 

Destiny Seeker (Tues WeTV ) 10 eps - it’s not on any WeTV I can get ahold of. Bad Buddy the pulp rebirth meets Japanese handsome host club action. FairyGodBLer came through for me, but I’m collecting to binge just in case. It’s my new policy with the grey stuff. 

Cafe In Love (Thai) 10 eps on Ch3+ - Thai pulp, about trying to save a coffee shop. Same as above. 

Gossip

Thailand’s famous gay pink milk comes to Oakland, CA, USA. This amuses me greatly. And yes, next time I’m in the area, I’ll probably try to hunt it down.  (What is Pink Milk?) 

Kim Ji Woong is doing fine on Produce 101 5 Boys Planet. I agree with the pundits that he’ll likely make it through. (Yes, I think he’s a better actor than idol, and yes, we will mostly lose him from BL if he goes all in with whatever group results from this.) But does that matter when Peak Time is also airing? No, because Peak Time is MUCH better and more interesting show and it has Karam (Happy Ending Romance) fucking KILLING IT. You all know I love Leo’s voice but clearly VIXX-euphoria distracted me, because I had no idea Karam was such a stable vocalist. He’s insane and it’s fun to watch a 2nd gen fucking SERVE it up (have you ANY idea how hard Mirotic is to do LIVE?). 

In case you missed it 

Viki has acquired the airing rights to Advance Bravely. We can’t expect it to be much altered, but at least it will be legally available, and one hopes the subs will improve.

Viki added The Eighth Sense to their upcoming KBL roster, new one to me. “A university romance about the confusion often felt by college youth regarding life and love.” 

KBL A Shoulder to Cry On AKA Comfort the Boy coming to Viki, March 13. (MUCH anticipated by me, this is a high school set hurt/comfort delayed by OMGEA X scandal.) This will be the first BL to star idols from the same group! Fingers crossed it’s good because this is a group that definitely needs BL’s support. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

02/28 = Tin Tam Jai (Thai Gaga & iQIYI) 10 eps - Adorable Tin has a life-long dream to marry an older boy in his neighborhood, Park. Same production co as Coffee Melody & Ai Long Nhai. I'll likely binge it.

03/01 = The Promise, (Thai WeTV) 10 eps - friends-to-lovers, follow up to a previously aired miniseries Phupha | Nanfah. Because of this and the WeTV platform I likely won’t bother.

03/02 = All the Liquors (Korea Gaga & Viki) 8 eps - Liquor company rep and party boy Han Ji Yu buts heads with hot chef Park Ki Hoon, who doesn't drink.

03/02 = Heesu In Class 2 (Korea unknown prob Viki and/or Gaga) - A gay(er) version of Sex Education. I’m still not sure this one is actually happening. 

03/03 = A Boss and a Babe (Thai YouTube) 12 eps - ForceBook in an office set boss/employee rom-com. 

03/04 = Love Syndrome (Thai unknown prob iQIYI or Gaga) 10 eps - trailer, violent, hot/cold, hurt/comfort, amnesia. (Stars Frank formerly of FrankDrake.)

Full list of upcoming in March 2023 is here. 

2023 forthcoming BL master post. (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

That tentative hand GOT me bad. 

I love it when a character call’s out another character’s main characteristics. Very meta. (Moonlight Chicken.) 

OMG hot cop! 

Make up game ON POINT. 

(Hit Bite Love.) 

SO GOOD. (Bed Friend) 

(last week)

Current Kpop(ish) earworm? SHAUN & Jeff Satur - Steal The Show, you should watch it ALL THE WAY to the end, just trust me. Have I ever led you astray?

No.

Don’t answer that. 

#this week in BL #bl news #BL gossip #upcoming BL #best BL #new BL #BL reviews #Thai BL #korean bl #Taiwanese BL #Japanese BL #live action yaoi #Rakutan Viki #gagaoolala #GMMTV #Kpop earworm #My School President #Bed Friend #GeminiFourth #tinngun #NetJames #Moonlight Chicken #EarthMix #Never Let Me Go #Chains of Heart #Our Winter #Hit Bite Love #why is the cop so hot #HIStory 5: Love in the Future #Jack o’Frost

[quillsareswords]

Hiya! I absolutely adore anyone who loves Damian as much as I, and I know that it said that you aren’t accepting requests rn, but I wanted your thoughts on Damian catching his crush reading FF of Robin x reader! How do you think he’d react?

Red-Handed

DAMIAN WAYNE X TITAN!READER

A/N: yeah I did say requests are closed. yeah I wrote this anyway. I hate it here

WARNINGS: language, mild embarassment, slightly suggestive?

MASTER LIST in BIO

It's pure panic the moment his deceptively skinny fingers come into view.

It's not unusual for him to pluck your phone or a book out of your hands to see what you're doing. Less so for you to do the same. You're nosy people, and it's a weird display of trust. I trust you with my things, with this device that could reveal all my secrets; I trust you not to pry.

You should've known better. You should have expected him to get curious when you were tucked into a corner, squinted down at your phone screen when you could have been swapping incredulous and judgmental glances with him as you listened to Beast Boy and Cyborg's argument over– what was it? Proper burrito filling?

You'd been a little too wrapped up in a story a close friend had sent you. Honestly, you should have known better than to open anything they sent you while you were in public. You should have shut the entire damn device off when you spied an Archive of Our Own link. You should have chucked it out the window when you read the attached message, for you, my horny little Gothamite.

Unfortunately, you're an idiot. Worse, you're a curious idiot. So you opened it.

What you found on the other end of that link was an uncomfortably well written, three-chapter fan fiction about Gotham's one and only (this year) Robin. And goddamn it all to hell, it's really well written.

It absolutely does not help that you've been dating this person for three months, or that you'd been crushing hard for the most of the friendship that came before. Or that this author has written his character just on the right side of accurate.

You'd never thought anyone would write fan fiction about him. It makes sense, in retrospect—it makes complete sense. Friends who don't know all your secrets (and some who sit in this very room) have spent hours giggling around a phone or laptop with hundreds of romantic works about a plethora of other heros (or themselves).

Maybe it was different because you know Robin so personally. Maybe you just liked to think he was yours and only yours.

(He still is. Realistically, you know you've got nothing to worry about. He'd commit a handful of felonies before he betrayed your trust. But hey, monkey brain and all. Plus, he told you once that it's kind of hot when you get– what'd he call it? Territorial.)

There's a scream lodged in your throat as he tries to pull it from your hand. You cinch a death grip on the poor thing, its screen squeaking out a warning that's lost on you. You stare at him wide-eyed with a nervous half-smile that he clocks a mile away. This is the exact same expression that cracked across your face when he caught you raiding his stash of sweets last year.

It only stokes the flames of his curiosity higher.

"If you love me, you'll let go and never speak of this again," you whsiper.

There's a agonizingly long moment where his face barely changes, except for his jaw ticking as he contemplates. You try to click the power button, to darken the screen or something, but his palm is covering it.

"Don't take this the wrong way," he starts slowly, and you feel your whole body tense, "I do love you, very much, but at this exact moment, my curiosity is outweighing it." He jerks the device out of your grip with a twist that cancels out your grip.

Your expression shudders into a cocktail of discomfort and panic. You scramble forward, reaching for it, but he anticipates it and keeps it well out of reach. You hiss profanities, mindful of the ompany you're in who will also definitely come investigating.

The saying curiosity killed the cat is about to get a whole new meaning, and you're about to catch a charge for first-degree murder. Maybe more than one.

He bats you away with one hand, avoiding any decent hits with strategic side-stepping that only works you in a circle. You give up when he scrolls. You deflate the brighter his eyes shine.

You're never going to hear the end of this.

You're gonna have to leave him at the alter when he brings this up in your vows. You'll rise from the grave to beat the shit out of him when he mentions it at your funeral.

He turns to face you slowly. The only way you can describe his expression is cruelly delighted.

You, on the other hand, appear utterly defeated. Pouting. Perhaps verging on manslaughter. "I deserve a trial before you sentence me to public embarrassment."

He cocks an eyebrow. Like the dick he is. "Do you really?"

"My friend sent it to me–"

"You're on chapter two–"

"Well I had to avoid suspicion–"

"You could have lied–"

"It's really well written, okay? Like—you read it! Tell me that isn't good writing!"

He looks back at your phone passively. "I will give you that; I've read published books of worse quality." He scrolls again and his eyebrows raise. He pulls it closer, as if he needs to be sure he's reading it correctly. Or he feels he should hide it. "How much of this have you already read?"

"I got the part where you get to the rooftop– Why does that matter? What happens next?" You shuffle over quickly, leaning into his space to see for yourself.

It's possibly the most graphic make-out scene to ever grace your general vicinity. Your grandmother would be gawking. You could get arrested for playing this out in public. He keeps. Scrolling. It's like a car crash with copious sexual tension. You can't look away.

The two of you stand there for several minutes too long, huddled together in front of your phone, slowly scrolling down through the last paragraphs of the chapter.

At the bottom of the screen, you catch the words bedroom door, and, knowing he reads faster than you, promptly snatch it from his grasp. "Well that was great, let's forget it ever happened." You click back to your homepage (without closing the tab, of course) and shove the phone into your pocket.

When you look at him again, bravely, prepared for the next few weeks of relentless, albeit good-natured, teasing, you find his stupid smug little smile.

He crosses his arms. He cocks his head. Still wearing that smug expression that drives you up walls for a lot of different reasons. Yet, no ribbing remarks.

Until:

"You know, if you wanted a little more excitement in this relationship, you need only ask." He steps closer, uncrossing his arms to slide his hands into his pockets. And like the suave motherfucker he's come to be for you, he leans a little closer. "After all, why bother with fiction when you have the real thing at your fingertips?"

#damian wayne #damian wayne x reader #damian wayne imagine #damian wayne blurb

[girlwithwolftatoo]

How Moon boys do when reader is bullied by their co-workers.

This lands pretty close home too (not work but school...) so before we start:

Warning: Adult bullying

Steven Grant:

*This precious sunray is always yelled by that awful woman at his work, and had learn how to keep some limits. The thing is, he notices you seem to be extremely tired everytime you come back, and sometimes you even have signs of cry on your face. Once can be comprehensible, but so often... it sets all his alarms on.

*The last straw is when you received an invitation to a costume party. Your coworkers insisted you on attending and, once you arrived... you were the only one in costume. They lied to make fun of you. You smile and pretend it was a good joke, but deep inside you're dying, so you make a phone call to Steven, asking him to pick you up and bring you a coat.

*"Is everthing alright, love?" he asks, your voice sounding a little broken "Y-yes... I just... it's a little bored here, just want to go home". Oh yes, of course he'll pick you up, but won't leave without saying a couple of words to those imbeciles.

*911 I want to report a massive murder... because Steven Grant had left no survivors after verbally dragging everyone at the place. He knows bullies are, inside, weak and insecure people who need to put down anyone else to feel better, so making them quiet take a little but not too much time.

*"One last thing, you better stuff your silly jokes and comments deep into your guts and do you deed in the bathroom, 'cause you're obviously using the wrong end to spit' em out".

Marc Spector:

*Nobody hurts you during his watch. Nobody. And once he figures out you're having bad experiences in your job he prepares to attack.

*And by attack I mean in a literal form. By this time London knows a thing or two about this white-clothed vigilante who appears during night and serves justice without bating an eye. Obviously your bullies have not idea that this ruthless man is, in fact, your man, and they're about to find out in a gross way.

*But being fair, Marc makes them a pretty normal warning. One day, he shows up by your work and just in time to find a couple of idiots making fun of you. "Hey" says this very menacing looking man to the cheerful crowd "I'm looking for (Y/N)". This is a trap, for they must point at you, confirming they were being mean to you and so, Marc takes a mental note of their faces.

*If the idea of you having this tall, dark and slightly dangerous boyfriend doesn't stop them from bothering you, they will receive a disturbing visit. In their homes while getting ready to sleep, while walking in the night, at the entrance of a club, all of them are approached by the Moon Knight who makes them shit on their pants. "I'm not a criminal!" "Harassing people for fun is a crime, fella. You know this person, (Y/N), right? I know them too, they're a good person, they don't deserve what you and your fucking little friends do to them. If I find out, and trust me, I will, that you keep bullying them, you'll regret it pretty soon"

Jake Lockley:

*He doesn't play nice, for they don't play nice towards you. But he's more discrete, he wants revenge for everytime he had to hold you close while you cried and said you wanted to leave your work because you were sick of them.

*Our underworld guard dog knows things, and knows how to know things. He uses all his weapons, spies, contacts, tech, Khonshu's powers if needed. He places a huge trap for those motherfuckers and he enjoys every minute of it.

*For a mysterious reason, he encourages you to go to that work meeting/casual reunion. He goes with you of course, so you don't feel anxious or something... and because he has something prepared, something very special.

*Even if your coworkers act kind when Jake is around, you know they'll find a way the next morning to bother you. Time for meal is up and you sit by a table, listening some music from a smart T.V. Suddenly, the screen goes black, and before someone can go and fix it, some interesting things begin to show up...

*All the juicy gossip is there: private messages, nasty audios, awful photographs... There's no innocent soul in that room for Jake, everyone gets exposed in front of their team and bosses, and worse part is they cannot stop the leaking for the T.V goes on even after it's disconnected, and much worse, all the information is downloaded in their cellphones for everyone to see. And of course, there's a good amount of people talking shit about the bosses and other coworkers, probably a couple of infidelities, and it unleashes the war.

*While everyone is drowned in chaos, Jake takes your hand under the table, leans and gives you a soft kiss. "If you want to, we can stare until police comes" he whispers payfuly in your ear. "Oh God Jake, what have you done?" you ask, half amused, half horrified. "Served justice, mi vida... Now..." Jake reaches out and takes a wine bottle "A toast?"

#moon knight #moon knight series #jake lockley #marc spector #steven grant #marc spector x reader #jake lockley x reader #steven grant x reader #steven grant headcanon #marc spector headcanon #jake lockley headcanon #moon boys #gn!reader

[layce2015]

Supernatural (Dean Winchester x Female!Reader)

Mordechai Murdock

Masterlist

We were driving by that old house when we noticed an ambulance and cop cars surrounding the place. Dean pulls over and we walk out of the car and walk towards the house just as they bring out stretcher, which was covering a body.

"What happened?" Dean asked a man, who walked out of the house. "A couple of cops say a girl hung herself in the house." The man said and we look at him, shocked. "Suicide?" Sam asked. "Yeah. She was a straight A student, with a full ride to UT too. It just don't make sense." The man said before he walks away.

"Whaddaya think?" I asked the boys as I turned to them. "I think maybe we missed something." Dean said and Sam nods.

That night, we come back to the house only to see a police car parked outside and two cops were walking around. The three of us crouch down into the bushes. "I guess the cops don't want anyone else screwing around in there." Sam said to us. "Yeah but we still gotta get in there." Dean said just as I hear some whispers that didn't belong to us.

I peek out from our hiding place and see Ed and Harry creeping up towards the house. "I don't believe it." I groaned and the boys look over and see them, hunched over and wearing all sorts of gadgets, whispering and shushing each other.

"I got an idea." Dean said to me. Then he rises slightly, turns towards the cops and cups a hand to his mouth. "Who ya gonna call!" He shouts and we see Ed and Harry looking around, shocked. "Hey! You!" The cops yelled and the two idiots began to run away while cops chased after them, which made us laugh.

Seconds later, we make a break for the house and enter just as we break out the rifles. Dean pulls out a flashlight and looks around until he settles the light on that symbol. "Where have I seen that symbol before? It's killing me!" Dean exclaims in frustration. "I know! I've tried to rack my brain but....nothing." I said to him as he and I look at the symbol. "Come on, we don't have much time." Sam said to us and we follow him.

We go down to the basement and look around. I see a shelf with lots of jars full of something and apparently so did Dean. He spies the jars and picks one up for a closer look, the pale red liquid sloshes around inside.

"Hey Sam. I dare you to take a swig of this." Dean said and I shake my head. "What the hell would I do that for?" Sam asked him as he continues to look around. "....I double dare you." Dean said to him. Sam just shakes his head and looks away.

Dean grins then looks at me. "Hey, (y/n), I dare you to drink it." He said and I look at him. "Not just no, but hell no. You drink it." I said when suddenly a noise alerts us. We jumped then move toward a cabinet. At Dean's nod, Sam opens the door and rats squeak and run from the flashlight.

"Arghh! I hate rats." Dean said in disgust as he and I raise up our foot. "You'd rather it was a ghost?" Sam asked him. "Yes." Dean shouts then he looks over at me and his eyes widen. "(Y/n)!" Dean shouts. I turn around and see Mordechai coming at us with an axe. 

Sam and I shoot him a couple of times but he's still there. Dean shoots him again and Mordechai mists away. "What the hell kind of spirit is immune to rock salt?" I asked them. "I dunno. Come on. Come on, come on!" Dean shouts and we run.

As we run toward the stairs, Mordechai smashes his axe down, which catches the shelves and bringing the jars crashing down on Dean. Then Mordechai and Sam begin fighting. "Go! Get outta here!!" Sam said just as we run and Mordechai smashes the electrical box, making sparks fly everywhere. 

We bolt for the door and burst out and fall through the emergency tape. We roll down the steps and spring immediately to our feet and kept running.

Just as we make it out, we see Ed and Harry standing in front of us, holding up a camera. "Get that damn thing outta my face!" Dean shouts as he shoves them away. "Go go go!" I shout as we run off and head back to the car.

The next morning, we were at the motel racking our brains at what was going on. Dean was sitting on the bed drawing the symbol while Sam and I were reseaching. "What the hell is this symbol? It's buggin' the hell outta me. This whole damn job's buggin' me. I thought the legend said Mordechai only goes after chicks." Dean said, annoyed.

"It does. I mean, he went after (y/n)." Sam said. "I know, but why me? Or you? Actually, scratch that last question. I already know the answer." Dean said and I roll my eyes as Sam shakes his head. "Hilarious." Sam said, sarcastically. "The legend also says he hung himself but did you guys see those slit wrists?" He asked. "Yeah." Dean and I said in unison.

"What's up with that? And the axe too. I mean, ghosts are usually pretty strict, right? Following the same patterns over and over?" Sam asked. "But this mook keeps changing." I said and Sam starts to click away on his laptop. "Exactly. I'm telling ya, the way the story goes..." Sam said but then he stops and looks at his laptop.

"...wait a minute." He said, confused. "What?" Dean and u asked. "Someone added a new post to the Hell Hound site. Listen to this. They say Mordechai Murdock was really a Satanist who chopped up his victims with an axe before slitting his own wrists. Now he's imprisoned in the house for eternity." Sam said and I raised an eyebrow at this.

"Where the hell is this going?" I asked them, as I rub my temples. "I don't know but I think I might have just figured out where it all started." Dean said and Sam and I look at him.

We make our way to the music store and enter inside to see Craig walking around. "Hey Craig? Remember us?" Dean asked and Craig's head drops before he turns to us. "Guys, look I'm really not in the mood to answer any of your questions, ok?" He said, depressed.

"Oh don't worry. We're just here to buy an album, that's all." Dean said then he flicks through some albums on a shelf then picks up an album. "You know I couldn't figure out what that symbol was and then I realized that it doesn't mean anything." Dean said to me and Sam as we slowly approach Craig. 

"It's the logo for the Blue Oyster Cult." Dean said and I let out a noise of realization. "That's where I've seen it." I said then we turn to Craig, who looks at us nervously. "Tell me Craig, you, uh, you into BOC? Or just scaring the hell outta people? Now, why don't you tell us about that house...without lying through your ass this time." Dean said to Craig as he glares at him.

"All right, um. My cousin Dana was on break from TCU. Ah, I guess we were just bored, looking for something to do. So I showed her this abandoned dump I found. We thought it would be funny if we made it look like it was haunted. So we painted symbols on the walls, some from some albums, some from some of Dana's theology textbooks. Then we found out this guy Murdock used to live there so we...we made up some story to go along with that. So they told people, who told other people. And then these two guys put it on their stupid website. Everything just took on a life of its own. I mean I, I thought it was funny at first but...now that girl's dead! It was just a joke, you know. I mean, none of it was real, we made the whole thing up. I swear!" Craig explains to us.

"All right." Sam said, softly, then we began to turn to leave. "If none of it was real how the hell do you explain Mordechai?" I asked them once we get out of the store.

After we got back from the music store, Sam and I did some research about what Mordechai could be. After finding something that fit the description of Mordechai and matching some of the symbols, Sam went to go take a shower and I went into my room and got a shower as well.

When I came back, Dean was already back and in the shower and Sam was already dressed and gathering up his stuff. But I noticed that every now and then he would fidget and adjust himself. I kinda shrugged it off as Dean finally got out of the shower, all dressed up, and we head to the car to go find us something to eat.

"There you go." The server said to us as she hands us our coffee. "Thank you." I said and we make our way to a table, Sam was grimacing and adjusting his jeans. "Dude what's your problem?" Dean asked Sam. "Nothing, I'm fine." Sam said.

"You sure?" I asked, concerned.

"Yeah." Sam said.

"So, ahhh, all right keep going. What about these Tulpas?" Dean asked us. "Ok, so there was this incident in Tibet in 1915. Group of monks visualised a golem in their head. The meditated on it so hard they bought the thing to life. Outta thin air." I explained as we come up to a table.

"So?" Dean said. "That was 20 monks. Imagine what 10,000 web surfers could do. I mean Craig starts the story about Mordechai, then it spreads, goes online. Now there are countless people all believing in the bastard." Sam said.

"Now wait a second. Are you trying to tell me that just because people believe in Mordechai, he's real?" Dean asked. "Maybe." I said while Sam looks uncomfortable. "People believe in Santa Claus -- how come I'm not getting hooked up every Christmas?" Dean asked. "Cuz you're a bad person." I replied, quickly, and Dean glares at me as Sam pulls out his laptop.

"And because of this..." he said as he turns his laptop, showing us a photo of one of the symbols in the house. "That's a Tibetan spirit sigil. On the wall of the house. Craig said they were painting symbols from a theology textbook. I bet they painted this, not even knowing what it was. Now that sigil has been used for centuries, concentrating meditative thoughts like a magnifying glass. So people are on the HellHounds website, staring at the symbol, thinking about Mordechai...I mean I don't know, but it might be enough to bring a Tulpa to life." Sam explains.

"It would explain why he keeps changing." Dean replied as Sam grimaces and adjusting himself. "Right, as the legend changes, people think different things, so Mordechai himself changes. Like a game of telephone." Sam explains. "That would also explain why the rock salt didn't work." I added. "Yeah because he's not a traditional spirit." Dean said while Sam continues to fidget. "Yeah." Sam said.

"Ok. So why don't we just...uhh ... get this spirit sigil thingie off the wall and off the website?" Dean asked. "Well it's not that simple. You see, once Tulpas are created they take on a life of their own." I said to him. "Great. So if he really is a thought form how the hell are we supposed to kill an idea?" Dean asked, annoyed. "Well it's not gonna be easy with these guys helping us. Check out their home page." Sam explains as he continues to itch and fidget and shows us a footage from the previous night, which was of those two idiots filming Mordechai running towards the doorway.

"Since they've posted the video their number of hits have quadrupled in the last day alone." Sam said. "Hmph. I got an idea. Come on." Dean said as he gestures with his head. "Where we going?" I asked him. "We gotta find a copy store." He said and we rise up to go while Sam continues to itch

"Man, I think I'm allergic to our soap or something." Sam said and Dean starts to laugh as he walks away. "You did this?" Sam asked as Dean continues to laugh. "You're a friggin jerk!" Sam shouts at Dean. "Oh yeah." Dean laughs as Sam gathers up his things. "I'm sorry you have an asshole of a brother." I said to Sam. "Yeah, me too." He mutters as we follow Dean.

Later that day, we come up to this little trailer and Dean bangs his fist against the door. "Come on out here guys, we hear you in there." Dean yells at them. Finally, the door opens and the two schmucks stick their heads out then opened the door wider where we could see them in normal baggy clothes.

"Ah, would you look at that! Action figures in their original packaging -- what a shock." I said, with sarcasm, and Dean smiles. "Guys, we need to talk." Sam said to them. "Yeah, um, sorry guys...and gal. We're ahhh, a little bit busy right now." Ed replied.

"Ok well we'll make it quick. We need you to shut down your website." Dean said and Ed starts to laugh. "Man, you know, these guys got us busted last night, spent the night in a holding cell..." Ed said as he turns to Harry. "I had to pee in that cell urinal. In front of people. And I get stage fright." Harry grumbles.

"Why should we trust you guys?" Ed asked us. "Look guys. We all know what we saw last night, what's in the house. But now thanks to your website there are thousands of people hearing about Mordechai." I said to them. "That's right. Which means people are gonna keep showing up at the Hell House, running into him in person, somebody could get hurt." Dean explains.

"Yeah, yeah..." Ed said, disbelief. "Ed, maybe he's got a point, maybe...." Harry said but Ed shakes his head. "Nope..." he said then Harry turns to us. "No." Harry said, firmly. "We have an obligation to our fans, to the truth." Ed said.

"Well I have an obligation to kick both your little asses right now --" Dean said as he starts to walk towards them but Sam and I grab him and hold him back.

"Dean--Dean, hey, hey, just, forget it, all right?" Sam said to him. "These guys...probably bitch slap them both, Sam and I could probably even tell them that thing about Mordechai...but they're still not gonna help us. Let's just go." I said then Ed and Harry took some double takes to us. 

"Whoa...whoa..." they said in unison as Dean turns to me. "Yeah, you're right." He said, in a defeated tone, and we start to walk away but I could hear Ed and Harry following us.

"What you say about...?" Ed said just as Harry said. "Hang on a second here."

"Wait...wait." Ed said, frantically.

"What thing about Mordechai, you guys?" Harry asked as they catch up with us. "Don't tell 'em, guys." Dean said to us. "But if they agree to shut the website down, Dean." Sam said. "They're not going to do it, you guys said so yourself." Dean said to us.

"No wait. Wait. Don't listen to him ok? We'll do it. We'll do it." Ed pleads to us and we stop then turn to them before Dean turns to us. "It's a secret, guys." He said before Sam turns to Ed and Harry. "Look, it is a really big deal all right." Sam said and I nod. "And it wasn't easy to dig up. So only if we have your word that you'll shut everything down." I said to them.

"Totally." Ed said, nodding. "All right." Sam and I said and we nod to Dean and he hands them some paperwork. "It's a death certificate. From the '30s. We got it at the library. Now according to the coroner, the actual cause of death was a self-inflicted gunshot wound." Sam explains. "That's right, he didn't hang or cut himself." Dean said as Ed and Harry look up at us, shocked.

"He shot himself?" Ed asked. "Yep. With a .45 pistol. To this day, they say he's terrified of them." I said. "Matter of fact they say if you shoot him with a .45, loaded with these special wrought-iron rounds -- it'll kill the sonuvabitch." Dean said.

Ed and Harry snigger gleefully then Harry spins and bolts back toward the trailer, Ed follows more slowly. "Harry. Slow your roll buddy. They're gonna know we're excited." Ed said and Dean, Sam and I exchange a knowing look.

That afternoon, the boys and I were sitting in a booth of another restaurant. I was sitting next to Sam, who was looking at his laptop, and Dean was sitting across from us. He reaches up to the 3D artwork of a fisherman holding a big fish and pulls the cord. The fisherman's mouth moves up and down and had an extremely annoying laugh that played..

I reach up and pull the cord to stop it then glare at Dean. "If you pull that string one more time I'm gonna kill you." I threatened. Dean, deadpan, stares at me while pulling the cord again. I immediately stop it, glaring at Dean. "You're gonna regret that." I said and he snickers. "Bring it on, princess." He challenged and I give him a dirty look.

"Guys, they posted it." Sam said as he moves the laptop around so we could see it. "We've learned from reputable sources that Mordechai Murdock has a fatal fear of firearms." Dean reads as Sam eats his salad. "All right. How long do we wait?" I asked Sam. "Long enough for the new story to spread, and the legend to change. I figure by nightfall iron rounds will work on the sucker." Sam replied.

Sam holds his beer out to us and we lift our own and tap them together. "Sweet." Dean said and he takes a long drink and Sam and I start grinning. Dean goes to put the bottle down but it is stuck to his hand. Sam and I crack up as Dean stares at it, confused. 

"You didn't." Dean said, stunned, as he looks up at Sam and we continue to laugh as Sam holds up the super glue. "Oh, I did!" Sam said as Dean shakes his hand while Sam, laughing, pulls the string to set the fisherman laughing again.

After distracting the two cops to get them away from the house that night, we enter the house on alert, guns drawn, then we begin a methodical search, staying back to back. Dean readjusts his gun hand. "I barely have any skin left on my palm." Dean said, snarky. "I'm not touching that line with a ten foot pole." I said and Sam nods. "Same here." Sam said.

Dean shines his flashlight in our faces until we wince, then moves into the other room. Sam and I follow him. "So you think old Mordechai's home?" Dean asked us. "I don't know." Sam and I said in unison.

"Me either." A voice from behind us said. The boys and I spin around and aim our guns, only to see Ed and Harry. "WHOA!! WHOA!!" Ed yelled and we sighed and lowered our guns.

"What are you trying to do, get yourself killed?" Sam asked them, angrily. "We're just trying to get a book and movie deal, ok?" Ed said when we heard the sound of knives being sharpened from the basement.

Immediately, the boys and I were back on alert as we face the basement door. "Oh crap." Ed said as he and Harry crowd close behind us. "Ah guys, you wanna ... you wanna open that door for us?" Ed asked us, nervously. "Why don't you?" Dean asked them.

Seconds later, Mordechai bursts through the door holding an axe, screaming. Sam, Dean and I empty our gun chambers and Mordechai holds on, then wavers and disappears into mist. We wait a moment, then we take off to ensure the other rooms are clear.

Then I run back into the kitchen room where Harry and Ed were looking around, frightened. "Hey! Didn't you guys post that B.S. story we gave you?" I asked them as Dean and Sam come in. "Of course we did." Ed said. "But then our server crashed." Harry explains. "Yeah." Ed said.

"So it didn't take?" Dean asked and the two men give him nervous looks. "So these guns don't work." I said. "Yeah." Ed said. "Great. Sam, any ideas?" Dean asked Sam. "We are getting outta here." Harry said. "Yeah." Ed mutters. "Come on, Ed." Harry says, grabbing Ed, and they run past us to the other room, Sam follows them.

"C'mon, I got an idea." Dean said to me and he starts to gather up some kerosene cans. "Are you sure?" I asked Dean. "What other choice do we have?" He asked and I nod then we started splashing kerosene everywhere.

"Guys!" We hear Sam screaming from the next room. We run in the room to see Mordechai having a hold of Sam by the throat and had him up against the wall.

"HEY!" We shouted and Dean holds up a spray bottle and lights the gas and a blast of fire appears. "Go go go!" I shouted to Sam as Mordechai let's him go. Sam runs past us, Dean and I follow then we pull Sam as he stops and leans over, holding his throat.

"Mordechai can't leave the house, we can't kill him -- We improvise." Dean said as he holds up his lighter, flicks it, and throws it back into the room. It bursts into flame as we run outside.

"That's your solution? Burn the whole damn place to the ground?" Sam asked as we get outside. "Well nobody will go in anymore. I mean look, Mordechai can't haunt a house if there's no house to haunt. It's fast and dirty but it works." Dean said.

"Well what if the legend changes again and Mordechai is allowed to leave the house?" Sam asked. "Well -- well then we'll just have to come back." I said and we stand there and watch the house burn.

"Kinda makes you wonder. Of all the things we hunted, how many existed just cuz people believed in them." Sam said and I shrug at him.

The next evening, Sam, Dean and I were hanging out by a picnic table at the trailer park when we see Ed and Harry carrying grocery bags. "I was thinking that Mordechai has a really super high attack bonus." Harry said to Ed as they get to their car. "Man I got the munchies right now." Ed said then he turns to the boys.

"Gentlemen." He greets then he turns to me and smiles at me. "Madame." Ed said as he winks at me. "Hey guys." Sam greets and Harry turns to Ed. "Should we tell 'em?" Harry asked his friend. "Hey, might as well, you know, they're going to read about it in the trades." Ed said and Harry turns to us.

"So this morning we got a phone call from a very important Hollywood producer." He said. "Oh yeah, wrong number?" Dean asked and he and I chuckle. "No, smart-ass. He read all about the Hell House on our website and wants to option the motion picture rights. Maybe even have us write it." Ed said as they place their grocery bags into a totally overloaded car. "And create the RPG." Harry said.

"The what?" Dean asked, confused.

"Role playing game." Ed said and Dean nods.

"Right." Dean said, like it was obvious. "A little lingo for you. Anyhoo, ahhh, excuse us, we're off to la-la land." Ed said. "Well congratulations guys. That sounds really great." Sam said. "Yeah. That's awesome, best of luck to you." Dean said and I nod at them. "Oh yeah, luck. That has nothing to do with it. It's about talent. Sheer unabashed talent." Ed said and we all nod at each other.

"Later." Ed said and he and Harry get in the car and start pulling off. "See ya round..." Ed calls out and they head out.

"Wow." Dean mutters. "I have a confession to make." Sam said. "What's that." Dean and I said. "I, uh...I was the one that called them and told them I was a producer." Sam said, grinning, and Dean and I start to laugh. "Yeah well I'm the one who put the dead fish in their back seat." Dean said and the three of us began to laugh.

"Truce?" Sam asked Dean. "Yeah truce. At least for the next 100 miles." Dean said and I start to smile as the boys get into the car.

Dean starts the car and just as he does that, a large cloud of pink glitter flies out of the air vents and hits the boys in the face. "What the hell?!" Dean exclaims as he and Sam cough. "I thought you said truce?" Dean asked Sam, angrily. "I didn't do this!" Sam said and I get into the backseat and started to laugh.

Dean and Sam turn their heads to me as I pull out the empty glitter container and showed it to them. "You did this?" Sam asked me and I nodded. "Do you know how long this is gonna take to clean all of this crap up?!" Dean asked me, angrily. I laugh again and nodded. 

"But now you guys look fabulous!" I laughed, pointing at their glitter covered face. "I'm gonna kill you!" Dean growls and I lean forward and smiled, mischievously. "I like to see you try, Winchester." I said and I tapped his nose with my finger then lean back as Sam shakes his head and turns forward.

Dean glares at me once more before he faces forward and curses under his breath and we began to take off.

#fandom #fanfic #fan fiction #reader insert #x reader #supernatural #dean winchester #dean winchester x you #dean x you #supernatural dean #supernatural fanfic series #supernatural fandom #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester x female!reader #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester imagine #fantasy #tv show fandom #tv shows

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 10 – FOUND FAMILY

If it ain't baroque, don't fix it by idioticfangirl

Pairing: Steve/Tony, Pietro/Peter, Clint/Natasha, Wanda/Sam Rating: G Words: 1,740 Tags: Disneyland, Team Bonding, Crack

Summary: Much to her mother's chagrin, the Avengers take Cassie out for a 'family' day at Disneyland

Reasons why I love it: They're all such idiots, ugh, I love them. Scott the concerned parent is adorable as hell, and the team scattering in a million different directions feels like exactly what would happen if someone made the mistake of letting them into Disneyland. This fic is adorable, and we get way too little Scott in this fandom as is, so I highly encourage you to give this one a read!

Laser Tag, You're It! by Corsets_and_Cardigans

Pairing: Steve/Bucky/Tony Rating: T Words: 1,223 Tags: Team Bonding, Laser Tag, Established Relationship

Summary: Bucky found that the future held a lot of new things. Scary, wild, fun, things. Things they never thought of back in the day. Things they did think of that hadn’t come to pass, or were long since outdated. But one of the best things, he’d found, was laser tag.

Reasons why I love it: Steve, Bucky, horny jail for both of you! Though to be fair, who could resist Tony Stark wearing black tac gear? I love all the team hijinks, and the laser tag scene is super well written! This fic is fantastic, and I hope you check it out for yourself!

Cake Toppers And Fireball Piñata by Naivelittleprincess

Pairing: Steve/Bucky/Tony Rating: T Words: 1,709 Tags: Birthday, Ensemble Cast, Fluff and Crack

Summary: For a bunch of master assassins, spies, and superhumans, the Avengers are lousy at secret keeping. Forget world domination or holding lives hostage, their enemies should just get Earth's mightiest heroes to plan a birthday party and be done with it. Tony's surprise(?) birthday bash.

Reasons why I love it: Awww, look at the Avengers trying to keep secrets. I'm sure this won't end in absolute disaster. Steve and Bucky are ADORABLE in this, and I really love how nonchalant Tony is about this entire ordeal. Plus, the party at the end sounds like so much fun, I want to be there. This fic is great, and I hope you give it a shot!

Clint Barton is an Excellent Final Girl by Bella_Dahlia

Pairing: Steve/Tony, Bucky/Clint Rating: T Words: 3,711 Tags: Avengers Movie Night, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Pining Tony

Summary: It's movie night, and our favorite only slightly dysfunctional super hero fam watches Nightmare on Elm Street. That's it, that's the fic.

Reasons why I love it: I agree 100% with Peter that Nightmare on Elm's Street is required viewing. This fic is so much fun, I love all of the team shenanigans, and of course, Peter's take on Stony's hopeless flirting is hilarious. I love this one, and I bet you will too!

Christmas Steve by Just_Bill

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: G Words: 1,514 Tags: Domestic Avengers, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Tree

Summary: When a friendly Christmas brawl gets out of hand Natasha knows the perfect stand-in tree.

Reasons why I love it: One does not simply challenge Steve, I suppose. This fic is so funny, what with the whole team being utterly resigned to what's going to happen and acting accordingly. I really love the Stony in this too, they're so cute together. This fic is lovely, and I hope you go and check it out for yourself!

#marvel #stony #fanfic #fic rec #fanfic rec #ficrec #a year in fanfic recs #avengers family

[all-hail-the-witcher]

questionable government spies (but better written and 5 years late)

chapter 1: surely the macarena has not been playing for the last 2 minutes without me noticing

words cannot even begin to describe how excited about this i am lets GO :D

___

words: 2800

edited: yes !!

ship: well its either going to be sprace or ralbert and you're all along for the ride

warnings: character death but the death is not real, minor injuries, mentions of the famed walgreens au, deep dish pizza slander, emotionally stubborn race

tags: @jack-kellys @ainti-pretty @boygirlctommy @jack-whatsyourangle @getchapapes @sun-kissed-star (let me know if you want on or off the tag list !!!)

again, big thank yous to katya for bullying me into writing this and my sister for beta-ing and providing chapter titles that have nothing to do with the story

read it on ao3!!

___

Even before Albert crashed his own funeral, Race was having a bad day. 

For starters, there had been the paperwork. Always so much paperwork when someone died during a mission. And for what? This was the FBI for fucks sake, there were interns who could be doing this, not him, one of the best field agents in the country.

And there had been the eulogy. What even was a good eulogy these days? A heartfelt poem? A quote from The Fault in Our Stars? A melancholy tiktok dance? Race should have probably known the answer at this point, given that he had written a grand total of seven for Albert, only one and a half of which he had delivered. 

Because that was the thing about Albert. He couldn't quite stay dead. 

It was the one thing that drove Race absolutely crazy about his best friend. Well, maybe not the one thing. He did have a particularly dreadful habit of chewing all of Race’s pens. But anyway. Race felt bad every time he got the dreaded phone call and shrugged Albert’s death off. For all he knew it could be real this time and he was going to go up in front of his best friend’s casket to renegade while telling everyone what an idiot he had been. But then again. This was his eighth eulogy.  

Jack, the newbie field agent that Race and Albert were supposed to be training, did not find Race’s lack of sadness even remotely acceptable. But then again, that was probably Race’s fault for not telling Jack that Albert didn’t like to stay dead. 

���I still can’t fucking believe you,” Jack muttered, taking half a glance in Race’s direction as he merged into the exit lane. “Your best friend is fucking dead, you’re going to his fucking funeral, your eulogy is a fucking tiktok dance, and you're playing a fucking fish game.” 

In the passenger seat, Race shrugged. “What? I have to feed them or they get sad. And I never actually said I was going to do the renegade.”

“I swear to fucking God Race,” Jack groaned, tears brimming in his eyes. The kid had been crying for the last week, Race was thoroughly impressed that he hadn’t run out of tears by now. “He was basically your brother. At least show some respect.”

Race rolled his eyes. “He’s not my fucking brother. Hell knows I have plenty of those.”

“You know, I’m glad he’s not here to see this,” Jack spat. “If he knew this was what his best friend was really like he wouldn’t want anything to do with you. Fucking sick of you to do this.”

Race continued feeding his fish. They may be silly, but least they weren’t yelling at him. 

“I’m going to request a placement change after today, I can’t work with someone who doesn’t even give half of a shit about th-”

Thankfully he was cut off by Race’s phone ringing. 

Not so thankfully, it was none other than Race’s arch nemesis on the other end. 

“Racetrack Higgins.” 

“Davey Jacobs.” Head of the NYC Branch of the FBI, resident asshole and general stick in the mud. He had had it out for Race and Albert since they had been in training and accidentally almost blew up his prized weapons lab.

“I need you and Dasilva to get your asses into my office ASAP.” 

“Mmm, see, that might be a bit of a problem.” Race ran his fingers through his hair. “Ain’t nobody tell you that Albert’s dead?” 

“Ain’t nobody tell you that I don't care?” Jacobs said, mimicking Race’s accent. “Just because one of you dies doesn’t mean crime stops.”

Race rolled his eyes as Jack pulled up in front of the church. “Ah Davey, good to know despite all your years of work, you still don’t have an ounce of sympathy.”

“You little-”

“And I assume you want me to drive from Chicago to New York cause your ass is too cheap to purchase a plane ticket?” 

“If you don’t watch your tongue I’ll have you fired in two minutes flat.” 

Race laughed. “My ass will be in your office after my ass goes to my partner's funeral, capishe?” Race threw his phone on the floor and rubbed his temples. He envied Jacobs’s ability to give out headaches like candy. Albert better be fucking alive cause there was no way he was going to New York City by himself. 

Jack pulled the key out of the ignition and crossed his arms, staring straight forward. “What was that about?”

“Someone who wanted to talk to me and Albert.” 

Jack said nothing. 

Race fiddled with the edge of his shirt. Maybe he should say something. But what if Albert was dead? Then he would have gotten Jack’s hopes up too and then Jack would really never forgive him. 

“I…I know you’re upset with me,” Race began lamely. 

Jack snorted. 

“But consider letting me finish your field training?” Race asked. “I know you still got a little ways to go and you got every right to be mad at me but you understand a computer better than I ever will and you’ve been really good backup and-”

“I’ll think about it okay?” Jack interrupted. 

Race nodded, staring at his phone on the floor. Boy he sure hoped that Albert was still alive. He did not want this argument to come back and bite him in the ass later. 

“Here.” Jack threw a crumpled bow tie at Race. “Put this on.”

“Why?”

“Because even though you may not be acting like it, we are still going to a funeral and you should at least look presentable.” 

“Yeah,” Race rolled his eyes but still reluctantly tied the bow tie around his neck. It looked ridiculous with his t-shirt but he didn’t feel like upsetting Jack any more. “Cause this is gonna make all the difference.”

“Just shut up and get out of the car,” Jack muttered. “We’re already almost late.”

•••

The funeral itself was pitiful. 

Aside from himself and Jack, the only other people were a handful of elderly women who looked mildly annoyed that their daily rosary praying had been interrupted by the untimely death of a twenty six year old. Race had not held a rosary since he was seventeen, but he was fairly certain one of the ladies was holding it upside down. 

And out of all the seven people in the disproportionately massive church, including the priest, Jack was the only one who seemed like he wanted to be there. 

Though, the lack of government officials and the fact that it was in a hole in the wall church in the middle of Chicago was a good sign. Perhaps Race wouldn’t have to renegade after all. 

Twelve o’clock came and went and no one else entered the church. In fact, a few of the old ladies went as far as to inch further towards the door, hoping that they would be able to sneak out. Race did not blame them. 

Whether the priest was waiting for more people to turn up or for the actual casket to make an appearance was hard to say. 

“Aren’t there supposed to be government officials here because he died in the line of duty?” Jack whispered. Still, it managed to echo around the church. 

Race winced at his lack of discretion. “We forfeited our rights to a fancy funeral when we almost blew up a weapons lab.” It was not the truth, but Jack did not need to know that five years ago Albert had gotten “blown up” and there was a full FBI sponsored funeral done for him, only for him to appear in a tiny hospital in the middle of Arkansas three days later. After that the FBI refused to give Albert a full funeral unless there was a body due to budget cuts. But that was irrelevant. 

Jack’s face fell. “Albert always said that he would tell me that story.” 

“He was never going to tell you that story.” 

“Race,” Jack’s voice was firm. “Would you stop-”

“Thank you for gathering here today in the memory of Albert Dasilva,” the priest began. “Unfortunately the hearse seems to have gotten stuck in traffic and in the interest of making sure our later services start on time, we will just do an abbreviated service with no eulogies when it arrives momentarily. Unless anyone has any objections?” 

Jack tries to raise his hand but Race held his arms down. Hearses didn’t just get stuck in traffic. This had Albert’s handiwork written all over it. The priest gave them a mildly amused look but ultimately said nothing. 

Jack squirmed out of Race’s grip. “Don’t touch me, Race.”

“Jack I-“

“I said don’t fucking touch me, Antonio.” 

Race grit his teeth. He already had to see Jacobs later today and he didn’t want a lecture from him on how you’re not supposed to deck the trainees at fake funeral services. How had Jack even known his name? 

Moments later the door of the church slammed open and a ridiculously shiny gold casket was wheeled in. Race barely glanced at it. Maybe he should have told Jack. He liked the kid. This was the first trainee he and Albert had been given and he wanted to do a good job, be to Jack what Blink and Mush had been to him. 

Albert would know how to fix this. 

Race really hoped that he was outside.

He spent the rest of the hilariously brief service running through every possible outcome of the situation. At worst, Albert was indeed dead and Jack would abandon him. At best, Albert was not dead as Jack would forgive him for the misunderstanding easily. And in between there were seventy three other situations. 

Something pointy jabbed Race in the ribs and he looked up to see Jack standing and glaring down at him. Fuck, the processional had already started. 

Race wandered out of the church behind Jack in a daze. He fought down nausea as he trudged, absently wrapping and unwrapping his fingers in the chain around his neck. 

The sun was blinding. Race squinted through it, trying to scan the parking lot for a familiar blob of red hair, but Jack jumped in front of him. 

“Here “ Jack threw the keys to the truck at Race. “I’m done. I’m not getting back in that car with you after whatever just happened in that church. I can’t work with someone who can’t show an ounce of emotion when their best friend dies. You’re a fucking asshole, Race. An absolute, grade A premium-“

“Whoa there cowboy, I don’t condone arguing at my funeral.” 

Jack jumped three feet in the air at the sound of Albert’s voice. A weight that Race hadn’t felt before lifted off of his chest at the sight of his best friend. 

“Al,” he breathed a sigh of relief and opened his arms to hug Albert. 

“Oi! Careful!” Albert warned. “I’m only mostly in one piece.”

“You can never come back to me in perfect working condition can you?” Race felt his stress evaporating as he gently hugged Albert to his chest. He looked like shit and smelled worse “What happened this time?” 

“I don't know, I woke up in some fucking Canadian National Park to a moose trying to eat my socks and my shoulder was dislocated. I scared the park ranger shitless then had to hitch hike to the border and almost got stuck there cause they thought my FBI card was fake.”

“...Did the moose dislocate your shoulder?” Race stepped back to examine Albert. Sure enough, he had sloppily tied a shirt around his left shoulder to immobilize it. It didn't look completely correct but Race supposed he should be happy that Albert wasn’t in a hospital. Or even worse, moose food. 

Albert half shrugged. “Hell if I know Racer.”

Race tilted his head. “Well then how-”

“Dude what the fuck is wrong with Jack?” 

Race turned to see Jack opening and closing his mouth like a fish, eyebrows raised so high they were nearly touching his cornrows. 

“Um-”

Albert crossed his arms. “You didn’t tell him, did you.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. 

Race glued his lips together. He’d known Albert for long enough to know that it was better to just say nothing. 

“Fucking christ, Antonio.” Albert half kicked him and walked over towards Jack, shooting Race a We’ll Be Talking About This Later Look. 

“Hey Jackie-boy, good to see you buddy,” Albert said in the same voice that people use to talk to small children or scared animals. 

“Everyone said you were dead,” Jack muttered, eyes wide. 

“Who is everyone?”

“Race,” Jack lifted his eyes from Albert momentarily to glare at Race, “The priest, the guy who called Race, I don’t know.”

“Alright buddy,” Albert said. “Lesson one-” “Lesson one is never leave the house without a weapon,” Jack interrupted.

Albert sighed. “Fine then, lesson two-”

“Is always scan your surroundings.” Jack nearly cracked a smile at Albert’s annoyed facial expression. “You’re up to lesson fifty three.” 

“Fine. Lesson fifty three. Never believe anyone is dead until you see a body.” 

Jack nodded. “I think that’ll be an easy one to remember.”

“Good.” Albert opened his arm. “Now bring it in buddy.”

Jack flew into Albert’s embrace. A distinct sinking feeling started in Race’s stomach when he saw Jack’s shoulders shaking. 

“Everyone always leaves.” Jack’s words were muffled but Race could still hear them. “I’m so glad that you didn’t.” 

Albert laughed but Race could see the strain in his eyes. “This is like the fourth-”

“Eighth,” Race whispered.

“Eighth time this has happened. I don’t think that I am going anywhere anytime soon.”

Jack nodded into Albert’s shirt and gave him one more light squeeze, which Albert tried and failed not to wince at before pulling away. 

“Now that we got that settled,” Albert said, turning to Race. “I would love nothing more than to go to Walgreens and get some advil, the good cold medicine because Canada’s fucking freezing and I think it’s going to catch up to me soon and a real sling, some mediocre deep dish pizza and to go back to the safe house and sleep for three days.”

“Yes to the first two but you’re going to have to sleep in the car,” Race said.

Albert dropped his head back and groaned. “Don’t tell me they reassigned us already, I only just came back to life.”

“Mmmm no its far worse.” Race placed his hand on Albert’s good shoulder. “Jacobs wants us in his office.” Albert blinked once, twice, three times before giving in. “FUCK.”

“Yeah,” Race said. There was nothing else to say about that.

“Don’t tell me he wants us there tomorrow.” 

“He wanted us there today. “Who the hell is Jacobs?”

“Not now Jack,” Race and Albert said at the same time. 

“And we have to drive?” Albert asked. “And we have to drive.” Race confirmed. 

“Well fuck me sideways with a fucking spork.” Albert groaned again for good measure. “Doesn’t he think I’m dead?” 

“This is Davey Jacobs,” Race said. “Death means nothing to him.” 

“Is no one going to tell me who this guy is?” Jack asked again, louder this time. 

“Jackie,” Albert said, “When we’re on hour thirteen of this drive you’re going to be regretting asking that question.” 

“He can’t be that bad.” “He is,” Race said. 

“You owe me at least a whole pizza for this,” Albert said, jabbing Race in the chest with his finger. “With extra meat.”

“I didn’t expect anything less,” Race smiled. Sure he was not happy they had to go deal with whatever crap Jacobs was going to throw at him, but at least he had his best friend back.

“And another one when we get to the city!” He yelled over his shoulder as he followed Jack to the car. “I’ve missed my 99 cent pizza.” Race rolled his eyes. “You can literally get it for free cause Vinny loves you.”

“Wait, we’re going to New York City?” Jack asked

“I thought you wanted a placement change?” Race said, crossing his arms. 

“I- Well- I guess I-“

“Look buddy,” Albert said. “Race is shit at communicating. He will never admit it, but he is. But you can’t blame him for not wanting to get your hopes up. This is a hard field to be in, nothing is guaranteed and nothing is ever as it seems. That being said, we would love to have you on whatever Jacobs has planned for us cause I can guarantee you it is going to be one absolute hell of a ride. And even though Race won’t admit it, he likes having you around.” 

“I never said I didn’t,” Race muttered. 

Jack considered. “I’ll come, but only mostly because my best friend is training in New York. I’m still kinda pissed at Race.”

“Welcome to the club, buddy,” Albert laughed, giving Jack a fist bump. 

Race just rolled his eyes. It was pointless to argue at this point. 

“This better be a relaxing ride, Race,” Albert said, ignoring Jack. “I want no shenanigans.”

“I make no promises.”

___

AHHH WE ARE SO BACK BABY !!!

stay tuned to see the boys entering the city :O

#saphie scribbles #spies 2.0 #newsies #newsies fic #newsies fanfic #racetrack higgins #albert dasilva #spot conlon #sprace #ralbert