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pan-fangirl-345 · 3 years

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Scars and Marks

Summary: You know who your soulmate is. Only problem. He has a girlfriend with the same mark as you. The school festival is going to change all that. Not that you know that just yet.

A/N: I have no idea where I was going with this. Let me know if you want a part two to this. I might write it anyway. How do I title?

TW: Reader is slapped. Narcissistic behavior. Bakugou is a little OOC. Thought of cutting a mark off skin. Implied mental health issues. If I missed something, please let me know.

Here’s a link to the song I used for this. I don’t own the song, the lyrics, or anything about it.

You stared at the mark on your back in the mirror, frowning at it.

The Soul Mark had been black when it had first appeared when you were ten, but now it was almost gray. It was fading, and fast, but that was okay, it meant Bakugou was happier with her.

“Hey! (Y/F/N), we’re gonna play a game of Never Have I Ever, wanna join us?” Denki asked when you walked into the common room, practically vibrating next to Hitoshi.

“Um, sure, why not?” you murmured, sitting next to Eijirou, leaning on him a little.

“Hey! Bakubro! Do you wanna play Never Have I Ever with us?” Eijirou asked, making you jump a little bit. He was so loud!

“Why would I wanna do that?”

“Scared you’re gonna lose?” you teased, making him run red.

“I won’t lose!” he shouted, storming over to the circle, plopping down on your other side.

You continued to lean on Eiji, letting the warmth he radiated keep you from sharing too much.

“Alright, who wants to go first?” Mina asked, devilish grin.

“Guess I will,” you offered. “Never have I ever punched someone in a a public setting.”

Denki, Hitoshi, Eiji, Bakugou, and the other boys all took a shot of sparkling cider, the closest thing they could get to alcohol as second years.

“We’re going clockwise right?” Mina asked.

“That makes the most sense,” Hitoshi muttered.

“I guess Bakugou is next,” Eiji said.

“Never have I ever accidentally used glitter instead of laundry detergent,” he said, glaring at Denki.

“I was high!” he defended, making everyone laugh.

Hitoshi gave his soulmate a small grin, something soft that reminded you of what you didn’t have.

You winced, looking away, burying yourself in Eiji’s side, letting him shield you.

“Never have I ever wanted to drink bleach out of a wine glass,” Uraraka said, glaring at you.

“If this were alcohol, I would think that you would be trying to get me drunk,” you told her, taking a shot.

People gave you some worried looks and you rolled your eyes. “I also wanted to pitch myself in front of a car. Seventh and eighth grade sucked for me. Izuku took a shot too you know!”

“Yeah, but that’s cause Bakugou was an ass when he was younger,” Denki said.

“You say that like he isn’t one now,” you said, wrinkling your nose teasingly.

“What did you say?” Bakugou snarled, turning to you.

“Is she wrong though?” Hitoshi asked, shooting you a look.

“No,” he grumbled, making you chuckle.

“I always knew you liked me Bakugou,” you teased, making him huff.

And so the game went, and it only had to pause once so you could throw Mineta out the window with Hanta’s tape, since he had somehow managed to sneak onto campus.

“I can see why you guys replaced him with me,” Hitoshi muttered when you sat down next to Eiji again.

“Never have I ever gotten rejected by my soulmate,” Kyouka said and you winced, taking a shot. “Oh, (Y/F/N), I’m so sorry! I forgot-”

“Kyouka, it’s fine,” you assured her trying to ignore the stares that you were getting from everyone else.

“Who the fuck would reject you?” Bakugou snapped, breaking the tense silence that had enveloped the group.

You, you thought miserably.

You and Bakugou weren’t friends, but you were friends with the other Bakusquad members. He tolerated you, but you had never spent any one-on-one time with your soulmate in the two years you had been going to school with him.

“(Y/F/N), why didn’t you tell us?” Denki asked, looking hurt.

“For one thing, I wasn’t technically rejected,” you admitted, toying with your hair, leaning further into Eiji. “I have my mark and everything still, even though it’s wicked faded, since they don’t really know what I am to them. It’s a really long story. Point is, I never told them, and they’re happier without me. I’m not what they want, and that’s okay, I like what we have now.”

“They don’t know? Then how do you know they’re happier without you?” Denki asked.

“Because they’re with someone else.”

Everyone fell silent, even the other people in the common room.

“How are you okay with that?” Izuku asked quietly, clutching Shouto’s hand tightly.

“I knew from the moment I met them that I wasn’t going to be it for them, you know? They were confident, and proud, and I just . . . wasn’t.” You glared down at your hands like they held the answers to your issues.

“At first I thought we had one of those unbalanced bonds, but then we went in for the provisional licensing exams and they met someone with the same mark. I saw them together and then I realized something. We didn’t have an unbalanced bond. We didn’t have a bond at all!”

You smiled softly.

“It made me happy, actually, not having to worry about it anymore. I mean, sure, I cried my eyes out for three days afterwards, but that kinda just faded away. They were happy, and I finally knew that I was romantically unlovable. I mean, I had always assumed, but it was good to know for sure, you know? I didn’t have to worry about whether it would be a problem or not.

“I saw her mark you know, when they showed her off for the first time,” you murmured. “It was the same as mine, and yet the way he looked at her, like she was the best thing to ever happen to him . . . I knew I had made the right decision to never tell him. I knew the moment I met her that I was never going to be that girl that tried to steal him.

“I wasn’t going to make him miserable by telling him, making him overthink the ‘what ifs?’. I wasn’t going to make him decide between the two of us. One, I knew who he would pick. And two, I knew that even if he didn’t pick me, he would think about what it would’ve been like.

“Besides, I love him, I wasn’t going to make his dream harder by being a part of his life.” You shrugged, then realized how much you had just talked.

Mina, Uraraka, Izuku, Kyouka, and Eiji were crying, Shouto was giving you an undetermined look, and for once, Bakugou was silent.

You also realized how much you had given away with your story.

“Guys, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you sad!” you said, waving your hands. “Why are you guys crying?”

Izuku launched himself at you, wrapping you in a hug. “Yo-You aren’t unlovable (Y/F/N)! Wh-Why would yo-you ever think-think that?” he sobbed.

“I mean, am I wrong? Have you guys seen me? I’m not exactly soulmate material.”

“Shut up!” Bakugou shouted, standing suddenly.

You looked up at him, curling around Izuku on instinct. You knew they didn’t have the best history, and while you trusted Bakugou not to hurt him under normal circumstances, he seemed pretty pissed.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he yelled, pulling you up by the back of your shirt, making Izuku drop to the ground.

“Bakugou, calm down,” Eiji tried, also standing.

“I don’t get what you’re asking me,” you admitted as he set you down on your feet, smoothing out your shirt.

“Why the fuck are you so hard on yourself you idiot?”

“Because everyone else is too nice to tell me what I’m doing wrong. I have to be hard on myself because if I’m not, then no one will be.”

You stared into his crimson eyes, as they stared back into your own (Y/E/C) eyes. It was a battle of wills.

“I’m fine with who I am, I know who I am, not many people can say that. I know that my soulmate is happy, and I know that no matter what happens, I’m not ending his life.”

Then a question popped into your head.

“Why the fuck do you even care, Bakugou? We’re not even friends.”

“(Y/F/N), who told you that you and Bakugou weren’t friends?” Denki asked, standing up.

“I mean, I thought it was obvious,” you admitted, not breaking eye contact. He had beautiful eyes, they were the first thing you had noticed about him other than his shitty attitude.

He continued to stare you down, almost like he was searching your eyes for something.

“I can feel the sexual tension,” Shouto muttered, and Bakugou flushed.

“What the fuck did you just say you bastard? I have a fucking girlfriend,” Bakugou snarled, breaking the eye contact to turn to Shouto, who looked as stoic as ever.

You rolled your eyes, that small pang of pain deep in your stomach throbbing as you turned away from him.

Soon that would fade too, you told yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The festival was coming up again, and you were really looking forward to it. Mina was teaching you how to dance, Kyouka was coming up with new lyrics, and taking song suggestions.

On cleaning day you agreed to do a lot of the work so the others could do their thing.

“Try to tear us apart, but know that we’ll wear our scars,” you sang, throwing the trash outside. “Excuses, excuses that’s all that I hear, all that I see when I look in the mirror, I can’t escape all these thoughts in my head, they’re waiting to haunt me night after night, I feel it in my bones, and everything I know, it’s underneath my skin and it won’t let go-”

You stopped when you saw most of the class standing by the door, staring at you.

“H-How long have you guys been standing there?” you asked, cheeks heating as they stared at you.

“Hey, (Y/F/N), can I ask you something?” Kyouka asked.

“Shoot,” you muttered.

“Do you wanna be lead vocals?” Kyouka inquired.

“I don’t wanna take your spot though!” you told her, waving your hands.

“What’s that song, (Y/F/N)?” she replied.

“Um, Scars, by I Prevail. Why?”

“I love that song!” she cried, taking your hands in yours. “Will you do it? Please?”

“I mean, do you really want me to?” you inquired, watching her face.

“Yes!” the entire class shouted, making you jump back.

“I-I guess it wouldn’t be too much,” you agreed, fidgeting with your fingers. Singing wasn’t something you normally did in front of other people. It was the one small escape that you had been able to hold onto after you all had to move into the dorms.

Not many people even knew you could sing, you did it alone in your room.

“How well do you know that song?” Kyouka asked you as you walked back into the school dorms.

“Like the back of my hand,” you admitted. “I’ve been listening to it since I was twelve.”

“So if we randomly played the song you would be able to sing to it? Even the vocal changes?”

“Without a doubt, I was going to enter a talent show, but I chickened out because I sounded terrible. I’m surprised you guys liked it.”

“I don’t like to agree with Bakugou on much, but I agree with him on the fact that you’re too hard on yourself,” Shouto said, looking at you.

“Yeah (Y/F/N), you sounded amazing! How did you keep that from us?” Izuku asked, making you smile.

“I mean, I never thought I was good, but I hum sometimes,” you said, heading to the kitchen to finish up the dishes.

“Well, feel free to sing around the dorms, you sound really good!” Denki shouted.

“Thanks Denks,” you replied.

And so it went, you sang Scars around the dorms until everyone knew the lyrics, which was good for the backup singers.

You even caught Bakugou humming it to himself on the way to class one day. Though he was one of the back up singers since he could manipulate his voice the right way, so it was expected.

You had known Bakugou was your soulmate during the U.A entrance exams, he’d had his tattoo uncovered for the world to see, and you had known who he was immediately upon seeing it.

But while you had been working up the courage to tell him, you had seen what he was like.

He was everything you weren’t, and you had made your decision then and there that you weren’t going to tell him what you were.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Momo, I have a small request,” you admitted to her. “The straps on this are a little tight, and I think it would look better without them.”

“Oh, you’re right! I’ll have that fixed in a jiffy!” she assured you, taking the dress you were going to wear for the performance.

You didn’t tend to like strapless dresses, you thought that they were a little sketchy, but you wanted to look good, and the straps cut into your skin something fierce.

Momo had it finished the day of the performance, and you barely had time to make sure it fit before it was your turn to perform.

When the lights came on they blinded you, but then the music started and you smiled, stepping out onto stage.

Your voice started out softly as you say the first line, “Try to tear us apart, but know that we'll wear our scars.”

You let the music flow through your body, letting the beat vibrate through your blood as the routine made your body move on instinct.

Bakugou moved with you, and you two fell into a similar routine as you moved around the stage, dodging the people on instruments, just like the practice runs.

“Excuses, excuses are all that I hear All I can see when I look in the mirror I can't escape all these thoughts in my mind They're waiting to haunt me night after night I feel it in my bones, and everything I know It's underneath my skin, and it won't let go They know me all too well, but only time will tell If this is who I am, do I know myself?”

For the first time since the entrance exams, you forgot that Bakugou wasn’t yours. You forgot that were doomed to be alone for the rest of your life.

“Don't forget your life's your own, don't ever let it go.”

You thought of the people in your class that were making their life theirs. Of Shouto, who had never really known his family. Of Izuku, who was doing this because of him mom. Of Uraraka, who was trying to repay her parents. You let the emotions guide your voice through the lyrics.

“In the heat of the moment when fear has you frozen You're crashing and burning when life's at its coldest Don't fall too far from who you are They can cut us, but we'll wear our scars.”

You thought of all the scars you had seen. Izuku’s from saving people and proving himself. Of Shouto, who would never forget how or why he had his. Of the new scars on you from training and pushing yourself. Of the mental scars that Bakugou would carry.

“In the heat of the moment when fear has you frozen You're crashing and burning when life's at its coldest Don't fall too far from who you are Try to tear us apart, but know that we'll wear our scars Try to tear us apart, but know that we'll wear our scars, wear our scars.”

You thought of how people were slowly accepting their scars. How Izuku looked at his and saw the saved lives, the leaps and bounds of progress he had made. Of Shouto, who was proving that he wasn’t his father. Of Bakugou, who was learning that he couldn’t keep being an ass. And what did you think when you looked at your scars?

“Denial, denial is all that I've known Holding me hostage, I'm never alone Fighting for air, I'll fight to survive My soul's not for sale, I won't pay the price I feel it in my bones, and everything I know It's underneath my skin, but I won't let go.”

You had seen a lot of heroes that forgot what it was to be a hero. You had promised yourself that you weren’t going to be one of them. You had promised everyone you had saved that you were going to be a hero they could be proud of.

“Don't forget your life's your own, don't ever let it go.”

You were going to cling to your life, even if your soulmate was in love with someone else. You may not have had a soulmate that wanted you back, but maybe you could be friends. You could be okay with that.

“In the heat of the moment when fear has you frozen You're crashing and burning when life's at its coldest Don't fall too far from who you are They can cut us, but we'll wear our scars.”

You knew who you were. You knew what you were going to be. Now the only thing you had to do was prove that you were serious about it.

Scars weren’t something to be ashamed of. Stretch marks showed growth, they told the story from childhood to adulthood, of changes made. Pregnancy stretch marks showed growth of a child, the purest thing in the world, untainted by society. Scars showed where you had been, they told your story.

“You can cut us up, but we will survive You had your chance, now it's our time to stand up and rise We will survive Right now, the tables turn We're gonna scream it out loud and let our voices be heard.”

You were part of a new generation of heroes, heroes who knew what it meant to be a hero. They knew how to learn from the mistakes of others. They knew what they were risking. They what they wanted to do.

“In the heat of the moment when fear has you frozen You're crashing and burning when life's at its coldest Don't fall too far from who you are They can cut us, but we'll wear our scars.”

You and Bakugou were synced as the song started to end, only a few verses left. Your time with him was ending, and you let your voice be dictated by the emotions singing through your very being.

His eyes met yours as the final verse started, and you saw yourself reflected in his eyes, a version of yourself that you had only dreamed of. You saw the sweat formed from moving around each other so much. You saw the glow from the lights, the makeup, the joy of being on stage, of doing something you loved. You wonder if he had always looked at you like that, or if you’re emotions were just high because of what you were doing.

“I feel it in my bones, and everything I know I feel it in my bones, I feel it, I feel it I feel it in my heart when it all turns to dark Try to tear us apart, but know that we'll wear our scars.”

There was a moment of silence as the echo died, when the last note faded, where it was just you and the others, the joy of accomplishment before the crowd erupted into a shout of happiness.

“Thank you all for coming!” you shouted into the mic, over the noise of the crowd, stepping away from Bakugou and the others, bowing.

Someone tossed a rose up to you and you smiled, taking it before backing up to the others, helping them clear the stage so the next act could take over.

“So, (Y/F/N), when were you going to tell us that Bakugou was your soulmate?” Eiji asked.

“What are you talking about?”

“That black mark on your back is a Soul Mark, and it’s the same as Kacchan’s,” Izuku said.

“What? It’s black? You’re sure?” you asked, running to the nearest mirror.

“Of course it’s black,” Denki said. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Because the last time I looked at it two weeks ago, it looked like this,” you replied, pulling up a photo of it on your phone. “It shouldn’t look like this.”

The pale gray made everyone wince and flinch towards their respective soulmates.

“It shouldn’t look like this,” you repeated, trying to get a good look at it.

“You didn’t tell me.”

You flinched as you caught a glimpse of Bakugou in the mirror.

“I already told my story,” you told him, turning away from the mirror to look at him.

There was some emotion on his face that you had never seen before.

“Katsuki!” his girlfriend cried, throwing herself into his arms.

You backed away, hoping to be able to get away from the awkward situation, but then he spoke up.

“You didn’t tell me our Soul Marks matched!” he yelled, practically tossing his girlfriend to the side.

“What?” she snapped, looking bewildered.

“It’s nothing,” you assured her, holding your hands up.

“It sounds like you’re trying to steal my soulmate,” she snarled.

“I’m not. If I was I would’ve told him the moment I found out we were soulmates. He’s happy with you,” you told her with a shrug, turning away.

“You aren’t going anywhere until you talk to me,” Bakugou shouted, running to latch onto your wrist.

“Bakugou, let me go. I’m not going to be a homewrecker. I’m not making you miserable.”

“I’m already miserable,” he snapped, then glanced back at his girlfriend.

“Oh shit,” someone muttered.

“You know what?” you snapped. “Fine, fine, if you wanna have this conversation now, whatever. But I’m moving this somewhere private.”

You ripped your wrist out of his grip, storming back to the dorms.

“Will someone explain why this nobody is trying to steal my man?” his girlfriend asked, her eyes blazing.

“I’m not trying to steal your man,” you told her. “He just saw the mark and freaked out about it.”

“I ‘freaked out about it’ because you’re my soulmate and you never told me!” he shouted.

“But Katsuki, I’m the one with the mark,” his girlfriend protested, positioning herself between him and you. “Are you sure hers isn’t a fake? She might be trying to trick you.”

“It’s the real thing, this is what it looked like a few weeks ago,” you said, showing her the photo.

“Pity then.”

“Do you want to touch it? Call in a fucking expert?” you snapped, loosing your patience with her.

“Shut up,” Bakugou snarled to her, then turned to you. “Explain this to me, (Y/F/N), because I can’t figure it out.”

As you re-explained everything, his girlfriend scoffed, rolling her eyes.

She clearly didn’t buy it.

“Likely sob story,” she said, baring her teeth at you. “I’m the only one that’s worthy of Katsuki. And he’s the only one worthy of me. You’re nobody.”

“I know that I’m nobody,” you snapped at her, wincing at your own tone of voice. “That’s why I never planned on telling him!”

“Never?” Bakugou asked, voice quieter than you had ever heard it.

“Never,” you repeated.

The joy from earlier was gone, replaced only by stress, a bone deep tired, and the deep ache in your stomach as you stood there.

“I deserve to have the future number one hero!” his girlfriend yelled, some inner leash she had kept on herself snapping. “I deserve to have him all to myself! The whole reason I stole your mark in the first place was to have the best! If he questions everything this easily then I deserve better!”

You flinched as she took those few steps to slap you, your head rearing back in shock.

“What do you mean you stole my mark?” you asked, hand cupping your cheek.

“I was behind you at the entrance exams,” she snarled, a wild gleam in her eyes. “I could see the mark peeking out of your costume and figured out who Katsuki was to you. So I stole your mark.”

“How? Soul Marks are one of a kind, unique to your soulmate,” you reminded her.

“It’s my quirk,” she snapped, like it should’ve been obvious.

“Her quirk is a lot like Toga’s,” Bakugou explained, moving to step between the two of you. “She can copy an appearance if she touches the original person.”

You stared at the girl in front of you. She had seemed so sincere when you had first met her, so . . . perfect.

“I think it’s time you left,” Hitoshi said, appearing behind her.

“What did you say to me?” she asked.

“I think it’s time you left.”

“Villain,” she hissed.

“Hey, you can’t talk to him like that. He’s more of a hero than you’ll ever be,” you shouted, getting in her face, your cheek still stinging from where she had hit you.

“What did you call me?” Hitoshi asked.

“A vil-”

Her voice died as she was brought under his control.

“Go to Aizawa, explain in detail what you did to both Bakugou and (Y/F/N), and tell the truth. Don’t touch either of them ever again,” he ordered, sending her away.

“Are you guys okay?” Denki asked, running over with the others.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, wrapping your arms around yourself. “I’m so sorry.”

Before anyone could get to you, you were inside the building, running for your room.

Tonight was supposed to be fun. It was supposed to be something everyone enjoyed together.

You ignored the calls of your name, ignored the footsteps of the person following you.

You slammed your door, unzipping the dress, throwing as far away from yourself as you could, throwing on a the biggest shirt you had, then the biggest hoodie. You felt the need to cover everything.

For the first time in your life, you wanted to skin the mark off your shoulder blade. You wanted to take a knife and rip the mark off.

“(Y/F/N), can we come in?” Izuku asked, tapping on your door lightly.

“No,” you called, curling up on your bed, tears streaming down your face.

“(Y/F/N), are you okay?” Shouto inquired.

“No.”

You headed for the only mirror in your room, washing the makeup off.

“Go away guys!” you yelled when someone else knocked on your door. “I’m not okay and I just need to be alone.”

“I need to talk to you,” Bakugou said, barely loud enough for you to hear him.

“Why? I’m sorry I pretty much ruined your relationship, but you were the one that wanted to talk to me about it!”

“Please, just let me in,” he begged.

You sighed, not bothering to stop the tears as you opened your door.

“I’m sorry she hit you,” he murmured, touching your face lightly. “I didn’t know she was like that.”

“It’s not your fault. I should’ve made sure the mark was actually gone before I made changes to the dress.”

“You were really never going to tell me?”

He was different. He had changed since your first year, but this was different than even second year Bakugou.

He seemed hurt by the fact that you weren’t going to tell him. He seemed uncomfortable.

“Look, we’re soulmates? So what? You can walk away right now Bakugou and I won’t say anything. I . . . I don’t want to make you miserable. I just . . . if you’re happy, that’s good enough for me.”

“What if you make me happy?” he asked.

“I wouldn’t make-”

“You do make me happy,” he interrupted. “Do you think that . . . do you think it’s possible for me to make you happy?”

“I don’t know,” you admitted. “I spent so long avoiding you that I just assumed I would make you feel frustrated.”

“Frustrated?”

“Does crestfallen work better? Depressed? Malcontent perhaps.”

“I never felt anything with her,” he blurted. “I thought that might change with time but . . . she never made me laugh. My mother hated her from the minute I brought her home. I think my mom would like you.”

This was dangerous ground.

No. This was honesty.

“Your mom is important to you, isn’t she?” you asked, sitting on your bed, scooting back until your back hit the headboard. You gestured for him to sit with you, and he sat at the end of the bed, leaning against the wall.

He nodded, glancing at you.

You sighed, running your fingers through your hair.

“Alright, how about this?” you started. “Next time we get a chance, you take me to meet your parents and if they like me we give this a shot. If not, we walk away, no hard feelings.”

He nodded again, watching you.

“Alright.”

“So you were really never gonna tell me.”

“Bakugou!”

#bakugou x reader #bakugou x reader soulmates #katsuki x reader #bnha katsuki x reader #katsuki bakugou #angst #misunderstandings #bnha x reader #my hero academia

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vanserraseris · 3 years

Note

END OF PART IV - This is just some more Lucien and Eris. Eris is pretty ooc, idk, I just imagine that Lucien and Eris got along at some point. I hope you enjoy it :)

yesssss im so here for lucien and eris being brothers <3

Prince of Ashes. Part IV.

masterlist.

Eris had read the same business proposal three times. With a small, useless snarl, he threw the sheets of paper onto his desk and frustratedly rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his palms. He took a deep breath. His father had been demanding more from him, a strange thing Eris couldn’t understand considering how quickly his father had shoved him out of The Forest House after the War.

Eris had also managed to get into another fight with Cato, which, while a very common occurrence, still managed to leave him in a terrible mood. Blowing at a strand of blood-red hair that had fallen into his face, Eris lifted the proposal once more, hoping that this time the words would make some semblance of sense. When he became High Lord, Eris decided he was going to make his brothers answer all of his correspondence so that he wouldn’t have to.

Eris almost growled when the heavy oak door to his study slowly creaked open, but he opted to ignore whoever thought it would be a good idea to interrupt him. Perhaps they would just leave, Eris hoped, eyes scanning the document in front of him. With a scowl, Eris raised his head to snap at what was most likely a new servant, but when he saw no one at the door, Eris paused. He carefully placed the proposal off to the side, the fireplace on the other side of the small room flaring.

Just when Eris was about to stand, a small face peaked up at him from the opposite end of his desk. Eris frowned, “Lucien?” He asked it in a soft tone, one that he reserved for only three people in his life. Mother, Rufus, Lucien. Eris didn’t know what it was about them that put to sleep the dark thing inside him, but for whatever reason, he felt at peace in their presence.

“I knew you had come,” his youngest brother must have been on the tips of his toes to look over the desk at Eris. He didn’t look too pleased.

The frown did not leave Eris’s face, “I am not to stay long, but I have much to do.”

“You couldn’t be bothered to come say hello?” Lucien lifted his chin, the loose curls of his short hair shifting with the movement. Eris had not realised how upset Lucien was, his little face red in the cheeks with what Eris supposed was anger.

“Our father has given me a task, I can’t be spending the day with you,” too harsh for a child that had yet to reach half a decade, but Eris always had a hard time with softness.

Lucien didn’t back down, with a small shake of his head he spoke, “You could have said hello.”

“Go pester Rufus, Lucien,” Eris mumbled, lifting the paper and taking his eyes away from the sad gaze of his brother. Eris waved his other hand in the door’s direction, “Or go back to the lessons I know you should be in.”

Eris heard Lucien’s frustrated sigh and his small steps as he scrambled out of the room. While Eris knew that Beron paid very little attention to the whereabouts of Lucien, Eris had gotten plenty of beatings for missing a lesson. Noticing that Lucien had not closed the door but feeling much too lazy to do it himself, Eris settled once more into his cushioned chair. Grabbing a pen, Eris began to write out a lengthy response to the proposal.

He almost snorted when he got to the bottom of the page and signed it with his father’s name. As if Beron had such lovely writing, Eris thought rather arrogantly. His father hadn’t learned to do anything other than fight for the crown of the Autumn Court. He’d slaughtered five brothers for it. It was not hard to imagine how ruthless Beron must have been in his youth, but Eris also couldn’t believe how his father had killed his own brothers and slept at night.

Eris had always been thankful for having been firstborn. If being the eldest was good for nothing else, Eris was glad he wouldn’t be the one killing any siblings for a centuries old scrap of metal.

Eris almost fell out of his seat when he heard the loud clang of the plate that landed on the desk, knocking him out of his miserable thoughts. Eris peered over the top of his desk, scowling. Red hair that was the same as his own was all he could see.

“Old Sae says you haven’t eaten,” Lucien made his way to Eris’s side, a small sneer on his face. Eris thought Lucien had never looked more like a Vanserra, like one of them — stubborn and determined, his chin tilted up and his nose lifted in a snobbish sort of way.

“Lucien,” Eris began, but stopped to help his younger brother as he climbed onto the arm of the chair. “Fox, what in the hells are you doing?”

Lucien didn’t bother answering him — something that he did quite often — as he settled onto Eris’s lap, curling his small body up against his oldest brother.

“Lucien,” Eris sighed, “I’m busy.”

“I know,” Lucien said, looking up at Eris, russet eyes pleading, his mouth set in a pout, “I swear it, Eris, I swear that I won’t ask you to read to me or give me riddles or play chess with me, I swear.”

It was true that Lucien was always looking to Eris for attention, but he found it strangely calming to sit around with Lucien and do such ordinary things. Eris had thought about what he would do if he’d been born ordinary — if hadn’t been the Autumn Court’s heir — much more than he’d like to admit.

Eris shook his head, but he was finding it very hard to say no. So much for not getting attached to the little runt, “I’m busy,” he repeated.

Lucien frowned, settling against Eris’s side and facing the desk, “So you be busy, and I’ll stay here and watch.”

Eris felt something spark in his usually hollow chest. He sighed, leaning his chin onto the top of his brother’s head, hoping that Lucien understood how much Eris appreciated him in that moment. Lucien was a creature that gave love so freely, Eris prayed to the Mother that he would always be this way. “Alright,” Eris scooted the chair closer to the desk, “But I have a lot to do.”

Lucien hummed, knowing very well that he’d managed to do something great. Lucien had gotten very good at getting Rufus and their mother to do whatever he wanted, Eris was a bit more of a challenge. Small fingers lifting an apple slice from the plate he’d dropped onto the desk, Lucien handed it to Eris before he took a slice for himself and bit into it. Eris ruffled Lucien’s red locks, biting into his own apple slice with a small smile.

And so that was how Eris would spend the rest of his day. With Lucien sat quietly on his lap as he did the brunt of his father’s paperwork. Lucien had stayed true to his word and hadn’t asked Eris for anything. The sun had set by the time Eris was on the last letter, some marriage request for a young female in the aristocracy. The lord was hoping for a beneficial union between his daughter and one of the Vanserras.

Eris guessed that no harm would come from throwing that particular letter in the fire. It would be just his luck that Beron would choose another potential bride for him, assuming the old bastard had forgotten what a disaster it’d been the last time he had tried to marry Eris off to the first available female. With a knock on the door to his study, Eris wrapped an arm around little Lucien, who’d fallen asleep against his side. The door was thrown open, Priam walking inside with silent steps.

“Father knows Lucien missed his lessons and wants to speak with you,” he sounded calm and unbothered, but the embers flaring in his russett eyes gave away the fact that some emotion was brewing behind that cold façade.

Brilliant, Eris thought, handing the sleeping Lucien to Priam, “Find Rufus,” Eris said, trying to keep his frustration at bay. He often had to remind himself that none of his brothers were at fault for whatever Beron was about to do, but he often got angry at them instead.

Priam didn’t give Eris a response, and as soon as Lucien was settled in Priam’s arms, they winnowed away, hopefully to Rufus. Rufus loved being around children, Eris wasn’t surprised. Rufus had always been the kindest of them, the most understanding and most loving. Eris had kept Rufus far away from their father, and while their mother had mostly ignored little Rufus, he didn’t seem to hold it against her. Eris supposed he should ask Rufus how he did it the next time he had a chance.

Only moments after Priam and Lucien had left, Eris felt the heavy, choking presence of his father’s magic, the smoking scent of it. He could only wait for whatever punishment his father had in store. Eris didn’t bother standing as his father walked into the study, his short brown hair brushed back and away from his face, his crown nowhere to be seen.

The High Lord of the Autumn Court slowly walked to Eris’s desk, his hand absently picked up a book that Eris had lying there. Eris wondered if Beron would throw it at him.

Beron’s beringed fingers flipped through the pages of the book, his eyes scanning the words as he spoke. “I don’t pay those tutors for nothing, boy.”

Eris swallowed, licked his lips, “I wasn't aware they were being paid.” Eris watched as his father huffed a humourless laugh.

“I don’t think I have to tell you that your behaviour has been unacceptable as of late.” Beron elegantly set the heavy book down, his voice calm.

He’d been told countless times by his father to stop spoiling Lucien. Eris found that even without a vow to protect Lucien, he would have done it just to keep the smile on his youngest brother’s face. Mother above, Eris was a real idiot for thinking he could love someone in this court and not have it be a weakness.

Eris set his jaw, opting to act like a fool, “What behaviour?”

The back-handed blow to the face he’d earned for that would surely bruise. Quick as an adder so that he hadn’t seen the hit coming, but Eris knew he wouldn’t have moved out of the way even if he had.

“Don’t play the idiot with me, Eris, I have no patience for it,” Beron growled, his hand snapping up to hold Eris’s face in a tight, uncomfortable grip. Beron leaned over the desk, “I don’t think I need to teach you another lesson?”

Eris shook his head, his father’s grip on his chin still too tight, “No, High Lord,” he ground out. Eris had been beaten bloody less than a fortnight ago for taking Lucien and Rufus to the city for a day trip, but Beron’s lessons had always taught Eris absolutely nothing, and that one had been no different. Not only that, but Eris found he was very good at repeating his long list of stupid mistakes that managed to make his father absolutely livid.

Beron practically threw Eris’s face to the side, “Be careful, boy, I have six other sons to take my place. I have no use for an heir who can hardly obey a simple order.”

The sudden urge for Eris to bark that Beron only had five was overwhelming, but he settled for glaring at his father’s back as he stalked out of the study. Eris would gladly give one of his brother’s the throne, he’d never fucking wanted it anyway.

Eris slumped back in his seat as his father left the room, the control on his own magic slipping so that golden flames flickered in his eyes. Eris wanted to flip the desk in his anger, but he hated making a mess of things, so he took a deep breath instead, cooling the fire in his veins. Eris raised a pale hand, wiping some blood from his split lip with the pad of his thumb. It would heal by morning, Eris thought, and all would be as if it had never happened.

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melancholydreadfuldream · 3 years

Text

Hell-bound with you

Fandom: Doctor Who

Pairing: Doctor x Reader

Summary: You are the unwilling companion of the Doctor.

Warning: ooc, plot holes as usual, dark!doctor, insanity, etc. You have been warned.

A/N: I hope this post show up in search result just fine. The part four of my other fic I posted at the end of last month just won’t show up in any search result, tags not working. I hope this one work okay.

I watched in amusement from my spot as Jack tried to summon the Doctor but failed instead, he kept getting her companion. I couldn't help but laughed at the old man expression when Jack kissed him in the mouth.

I was surprised when the old man, Graham, revealed that the Doctor is now a woman. Jack is giddy with excitement as he wanted to see the Doctor so much. But he kept pulling in the companion instead. Yaz and Ryan.

Eventually Jack realized that the judoon technology is the reason why he can't pull the Doctor to him. Personally, I was grateful that the Doctor is not here. I wouldn't want to catch his - i suppose now - her attention. I admit I am a bit curious about how she looks like. The Doctor's first time as a woman, I wonder how she will act.

My attention snapped back at Jack as he warned the companion about the lone cyberman. It was all very cryptic.

Turned out the companion has never encountered a cyberman before so they understandably are confused.

Both Jack and I had suffered together in the short time since we met and you know what they said about forming a close bond during a life and death situation. It makes us comrade.

Jack knew some stuff about me that I would never tell anyone. I am so grateful that I met him while stranded in this alternate universe.

Of course, it just my bad luck to have landed in a time period where cybermen overrun the world. I was lucky I met Jack. It would take me forever to sort thing out otherwise. I shuddered at the thought of being taken by cybermen for conversion.

I didn't know what to think of the companion because I didn't know of them. I didn't know of the newest incarnation of the Doctor being female either. There were rumor floating around about it but I missed her first season on the account of finding myself suddenly existed within the impossible DW universe.

I hated it. It wasn't fun. And I ended up ruining the Doctor's timeline. I had to run from him when he changed into that monster. Oh, I know he would come looking for me sooner or later. He would never let me go just like that. Misery loves company and all of that. Some part of him did blame me for changing him, I just know it.

But running away and found myself stranded in another DW universe isn’t exactly how I planned my escape. The upside of being here is that I’m finally free of that person.

I heard an amused chuckle within my mind and I frowned. Right, I guess technically I am still haunted by that person. I glared at the bow-tied figure that only I can see, a proof of my insanity. I tried to ignore him and his unwanted commentary on whatever it is Jack and I did.

This particular universe thankfully still follow the canon, I think. I don't know if it will be a blessing or a curse my escape being here, knowing my luck it will ended up as another curse. I do know one thing, this time I have to avoid the Doctor at all cost. It will be hard, I'm sure, as I felt it so many times before back then, someone pulling the string and play on me like a puppet. Of course, no one believe me, not even that person.

I didn't know the future of the Thirteenth Doctor but I will still be a threat to her should she realized what I am. That's what happened with that person. He insisted that I stay with him and everything has gone wrong ever since.

I tried not to think about that person and his now-never-happened future courtesy of me, of my presence, in his life.

"(Name)?"

I snapped out of my trance as Jack called out to me in concern.

"Is it him?"

I blinked when I realized I must have been talking out loud and thus gaining Jack and the companion’s attention. "I'm fine."

Jack gave me a look that said he didn't believe my bullshit.

I ignored him. I noticed the companion are staring at me as if I was insane. I held back a frustrated laugh. Well, I am insane, somewhat.

Jack introduced me to them. “This is (Name). She is with me.”

"Is she a friend of the Doctor too?" Graham asked Jack.

"Well..."

"No." I firmly said as I glared at him in warning. "Oh, just shut up." I glared at an empty space on my left.

The companion stared at me warily.

“err, did she just talk to an empty space?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah, she does that.” Jack replied, not taking his eyes off me.

I tried to focus on Jack and the companion. I rubbed my forehead, feeling a headache forming.

Jack's frowned as he observed me. "She's...complicated." He suddenly yelled in pain as the nano-genes started to attack him. He complained very loudly.

I was worried for him. "It’s time. We should leave here, Jack." I said as I grabbed him. “You already did your part, warning them.”

"You are right but there is...” Jack groaned. “...one more thing, (Name), you are not coming with me."

"What?! What the hell are you talking about?" I punched his arms in annoyance.

Jack rubbed his arms and give me a look. "You should go with them and stay with the Doctor."

I was pissed. I thought he understand. "No. You..."

"I know what you think of her but I still think you would be safer with her than with me. Also, maybe she could help you with him." Jack replied, turning to glance at the space I have been staring at before despite not being able to see what I see.

"Like hell, I'm not going! And you can't make me!" I yelled petulantly.

The companion stood there looking confused at our argument.

Jack let out a sad smile. "I'm sorry, (Name)." He took my hand that is on his arm and let it go.

I blinked in confusion and annoyance. I was momentarily distracted and Jack took that opportunity to activate the vortex manipulator on my person and I suddenly blip out of the ship and found myself on Earth instead.

7777

I almost lost my balance as I landed harshly. I cursed loudly.

I saw the Doctor's companion materialized not too far from me.

"Son of a..." I growled. "That damn head jar!!" I cursed Jack. "Shut it!" I snapped on the empty space near me.

The companion stared at me warily.

I groaned in annoyance.

"We should go find the Doctor." Yaz suggested.

"Yeah, you guys go ahead. I'm out of here." I said.

"But I thought that Jack fellow said that you should stay with the Doctor?" Ryan asked.

"Ignore that cheeky bastard's words!" I said and then stopped myself. "Except about the cyberman. That was true. Alright, I'm leaving." I waved at them and left despite their protests.

Screw Jack. He is not the boss of me.

7777

I walked without a purpose as I ponder over what I have to do next now that Jack has abandoned me. Like hell, I’m sticking around to see the Doctor no matter how curious I am of the female Doctor.

“He’s right, you know, you would be safer if you stay with the other Me.” He said.

I glared at him. “And what? Risking of her turning out like you because of me?”

“I think you give yourself too much credit. I was always going to turn out this way sooner or later. Valeyard, remember?”

“But you are not the Valeyard.”

“Yet.”

“And that’s what make it worse. I did this to you. I turned you...”

“Victorious. That’s what I am, thanks to you. It wasn’t that bad.” He said with a shrug.

“You burned down planets!”

“I did that once in a while. You know this." He is referring to Gallifrey. "Besides, you know they deserves it.” He said as a dark expression crossed his features.

“We lost Clara. I wouldn’t call that victorious!!”

“And we avenged her.”

I was ashamed that it was the truth. I did help him to avenge Clara’s death. In fact, I was the one who urged him to do it because I couldn’t accept her death. They haven’t even done Trenzalore yet. And now they never will. Because of me, Bow-tie won’t even get a new set of regeneration. But considering how he turned out, am I doing the world a favor by limiting his life to his eleventh self? Now he will not get the chance to regenerate into Eyebrow. Or did I just make it worse? Like he implied, he is very well on his way into becoming the Valeyard.

“I am curious about the Doctor of this universe.” Victorious pondered. “I have never regenerated into a woman before. I was on my last regeneration right now."

I tensed at that. I kept reminding myself that the person in front of me is not quite real so even if he did figures out the truth, there is nothing he can do about it. No Clara, no new regeneration. Unless he made me fill her shoes, play her role so to speak on Trenzalore. I hope not. Well, I had escaped him, somewhat.

The real Victorious probably was too busy right now to ponder about the calling of Trenzalore. And knowing him now, he might actually let Trenzalore burns.

I think I bought enough time for myself so it might take him a while to locate me especially since I have a bio-damper ring on my person to hide the void stuff that apparently covered me when I first arrived in DW universe. With the ring, he won't be able to track me down easy. It also help hid my presence from the Doctor of this universe too.

I sighed as I stared at my 'companion', the one only I can see, an accidental result after some weird mind meld with the Doctor.

When I first took a glimpse of him the first time I was stranded in this alternate universe, I thought he was somehow in my head, then I beginning to question my sanity, creating a shadow figure of the Doctor in my headspace. Seemed like I could never be free of the Doctor. Part of me believed I deserved it, to be haunted by the Doctor that I ruined.

Sometimes I really thought he is the Doctor when he suddenly said things that sounded like something the Doctor will says. And then he is being all sarcastic with his unwanted commentary on everything I do and...meh I thought of him as a figment of my imagination designed as my personal demon to torture myself. But, weirdly he does know information that I could not possibly know, things that the Doctor or some other screaming genius might know but not little stupid, ordinary Me. There is no way if he is a hallucination created by me for him to know those complicated stuff. Anyway, thanks to that, Jack trusted me, I did save his life, both our life actually, by following the advice of the shadow Doctor.

Jack believe me albeit a bit reluctantly at first and eventually did trust me enough to watch each other back through hell and back. It was all very dramatic but also rewarding as we formed a friendship. Unfortunately, he's loyal to the Doctor hence he disbelieved me when I said I am bad for the Doctor, he still somewhat believe the Doctor is the answer to fix everything that could go wrong, even though he should know better.

I groaned as I ponder on what to do now. I understand the truth in Jack's words that I might need the Doctor of this universe help should Victorious able to track me down to this universe. But I am also right about my presence around the Doctor never bode well. So you see my dilemma?

Thankfully the Doctor and her companion never look for me. I guess she is not curious enough with me.

Back then as I watched the first two episode of season 6, I found it weird that bow-ties who supposedly adores children, didn't bother to look harder for little Melody Pond after she escaped the astronaut suit. Maybe there is some additional information about it from DW book or the audio-book but I never got my hands on them.

Anyway this is good. It would be troublesome if she did decided to track me down.

7777

I thought I covered my track very well but the time bounty hunters somehow able to track me down at some black market in some random planet. It was weird but it seemed the Tardis translation circuit still work on me even if I am not anywhere near the Tardis. Or maybe it is thanks to that annoying 'companion' of mine?

I'm following the advice of the shadow Doctor to find an equipment to, as he said he will indulge me for now, hide me better. I used my vortex manipulator given by River a long time ago at the Library. She taught me how to use it so that I won't accidentally kill myself while using it.

Anyway after I purchase the said equipment and before I could use it per the shadow Doctor's instruction, the hunters found me.

Honestly I hope the self defense lesson I got from River and then Jack would be enough to at least help me escape my pursuers. I thought I did good but they still found me.

That's when the shadow Doctor 'helpfully' told me that I had a tracking chip somewhere inside my body courtesy of the real him. That bastard. Putting a tracking chip without my knowledge or permission like I am some freaking pets.

I glared at him angrily.

He grinned in amusement. "Hey, technically it wasn't me who did it."

"Close enough..." I muttered.

He told me the equipment I purchase earlier should destroy the chip into dust inside me without harming me in the process. Removing the chip would be better but without the correct equipment and a professional medical knowledge, it would be too dangerous.

But before I could use it, they found me again. I was at some random abandoned building. One of them broke my wrist as I fought him. I screamed in pain.

"Hey, don't hurt her! He won't be pleased!"

"She won't stop struggling! She bites me!"

I groaned in pain as they pushed my whole body on the wet floor.

"She is not to be harmed in any way." Someone said. "The client is very specific about that one. He need her for something. He is willing to pay so much for her."

My eyes widened in fear as I realized they are not planning to take me back to Victorious. That would be even worst. Are their client some enemies of the Doctor who is trying to take me as hostage? Or do they after the knowledge I have of the Doctor? But there is no way someone could know. I was sure Victorious remove all threat on me.

I catches the glimpse of dark expression crossing the shadow Doctor's feature as he too listen to what the men had said.

"Who even is she? Why do they willing to pay so much for her?"

"Don't you know? She's the consort of that guy, the Doctor."

I rolled my eyes in disdain at that misinformation but made no move to correct them. There is no point.

"For real? But she is running from him? Why?"

"Have you been living under a rock? That man has gone insane. Who would in their right mind stay with him?"

"I heard the stories about him."

"Not stories."

"So, is it wise to betray him like this?"

"You assumed we got the job from him but we didn't. By the time we hand her over to the client and got our money, with this technology to cross over universe..." He glanced at the elaborate vortex manipulator on their wrists which you assumed they got from the said client. "we can make a new life in some other universe. He won't be able to find us."

The shadow Doctor chuckled coldly. "Whoever that client of their is, I know they are not stupid. To go after what is mine, they would have to take care loose end in order to remain undetected from me." He said as he observed the men. "That vortex manipulator probably has an expired date on it and more..."

He turned to look at me, kneeling before me with almost a bored look. "I did warned you that you would have been safer if you stay with the other me."

I glared at him. "Quit talking, do something." I hissed at him.

He smirked. "You didn't say please."

"Who is she talking with?" One of the men asked.

They hauled me up to face them.

"You are not very smart, are you?" I said with a smirk. "He is already here. The Doctor. Or should I say Victorious?"

They looked around nervously.

I pulled my sonic screwdriver, the one I stole from Victorious, and set out sonic sound, as instructed by him, that momentarily hurt everyone's ears but also caused some old hanging lamp to either explode or fell to the ground, causing chaos.

I ran immediately out of the building. Ignoring the growing pain in my wrist, I yelled at him to tell me how to use the equipment to destroy the chip. I moved the equipment to some spot of my neck and pulled the trigger.

I clamped my mouth as burst of hot fire pain filled me. I gasped as I fell to the ground. Tears filled my eyes. I felt so dizzy.

��I distinctly heard him telling me to stay awake and ran. So I did albeit really slow.

Like I said before, someone or something seemed to be pulling the string on me because as I made my weak escape, I found myself face to face with the companion I met with Jack weeks ago and there is a woman with rainbow stripes on her clothing with them. The Doctor, my mind supplied.

Shit.

"It's you." Ryan whispered, seemingly surprised to see me.

"Doctor, she is the one we told you before. she was with Jack." Yaz explained.

The woman glanced at me in guarded curiosity. She walked toward me and opened her mouth to say something but I fainted right into her arms.

7777

I woke up inside the Tardis in the medical bay. How did I know that? He told me.

The Doctor, the female one, entered the room and smiled upon seeing that I already wake up.

I no longer feel any pain, not on my broken wrist and on my neck. I assumed she fixed that. And someone changed my wet dirty clothes with something comfortable.

I heard her yapping about the danger I put myself using the equipment she found with me. I didn't listen, still a bit too dizzy.

"Who are you?"

"(name)." I replied.

"Ok, (name), I'm the Doctor. My fam said you were with Jack and that he instructed you to stay with me?"

"He was wrong." I said bluntly. I forced myself to get up and stand up despite her protest. "I should leave."

"You can't. We are in the vortex. Also you were hurt. Who hurt you? Also who put a tracking chip inside you? You destroyed the chip using that equipment. Are you running from a prison? Did Jack broke you out of prison?"

I groaned and chuckled harshly. "You talk too much." I said as I clutched my pounding headache. "Prison, huh? I guess you could say that. Oh, shut up." I snapped at my right.

"Who are you talking with?" She observed me curiously. "The fam told me that..."

"I am a bit insane? That would be correct. Better stay away from me, doc." I said in derisive.

She glanced at me.

"Stop looking at me like that!"

"Like what?"

"Like I am some animal in a zoo."

"I am so sorry."

"For what?" I asked in confusion.

"For whoever hurt you like that." She whispered. "Yaz changed your clothes. She said you have scars on your arms, consistent with someone being restrained and being injected and also..."

"Stop." I glared at her menacingly. "That was private. None of your business."

She, thankfully, stopped talking about that topic. But she suddenly pulled my sonic screwdriver. "How did you get this?"

I took a deep breathe trying to calm myself over the fact that she and Yaz invaded my privacy. "It's mine."

"Not possible." She said firmly.

"Uh-oh, someone in trouble..." I heard him said in a teasing sing-song voice. I glared at him before turning to face her.

"Someone gave it to me." I lied. "Now give that back and let me leave." I demanded.

She shook her head as she took a step back. "Did you steal this?"

"Ding dong, she got it!" The shadow Doctor answered cheerfully much to my annoyance.

Fine, I'm going to give her some shock value. "River gave it to me, satisfied?"

The Doctor look shocked, her mouth dropped open. "You know River? River Song?"

"That was a low blow, (name)." The shadow Doctor whispered at me in disappointment.

"She was my friend." I spat. That wasn't a lie, technically. River was my friend but in the other universe, not in this one. "I'm sure you wouldn't know me, Doctor. She wouldn't talk about her friends with you. Mostly because you would not be interested."

The Doctor observed me, trying to spot the lie. She seemed satisfied to find none. But she is still suspicious though. "Why would she give you this?"

"For my protection. I will only know how to use it whenever I was in danger." That one is not a lie since the shadow Doctor only tell me how to use it whenever I need to escape danger.

She hummed at that, probably wondering if I ever misuse it. She didn't seem to keen of returning it though. At least she didn't confiscate the vortex manipulator.

"Jack vouched for me. Do you think he would send someone not trustworthy to you?" I said. The answer is yes, by the way, because that traitor Jack ignored my warning how I am not good for the Doctor's timeline. If I am to stay with her, predictably things will not be canon again and it will definitely be hell-bound.

The shadow Doctor chuckled at what I said.

The Doctor didn't say anything.

I raised an eyebrow. "I guess you don't trust Jack or do you only trust him when he is useful to you?" I asked in vicious tone. "Fine, keep the damn sonic screwdriver."

"Oh now you have done it. She is not going to let you leave now." The shadow Doctor helpfully informed. "That is my 'i-don't-trust-this-person-i-need-to-solve-what-she-is-hiding' look." He grinned gleefully.

I almost want to slap the jerk if not for the fact he is not really there so it is kinda pointless.

Resigned to the fact that I am stuck with the new Doctor, I am determined not to let her in my head. A mistake I made with bow-ties which in turn caused him to become Time Lord Victorious.

But I have no idea what the future hold for this version of Doctor and her companion. One thing for sure, the canon is about to go to hell, especially since I have no idea what to do and what to avoid doing.

"I think you should stay with me. I can help you with whoever after you. But I need you to trust me."

What a hypocrite. She doesn't even trust me. Why should I trust her?

"I don't want to intrude. Just dropped me back on earth at 2020." I said.

"Oh, bad year." The shadow Doctor supplied.

"I insist you stay here for a while. After all, isn't that what Jack want me to do? Welcome to the Tardis. It is..."

"I know what it is. River and Jack told me."

"Well then...if they trust you, I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt..." She smiled brightly. "Welcome aboard, (name). We are going to have adventure of the lifetimes."

If she think I would rejoice, she is sadly mistaken as I stared at her flatly, not impressed.

He chuckled at my expense.

The Doctor glanced at my unimpressed look, sighed. "Well, you are a tough one."

7777

And so I ended up becoming the Doctor's unwilling companion...again.

She re-introduced me with her fam and officially give me a room in the Tardis.

Yaz is wary of me but Ryan and Graham are nice and friendly.

And just like that I got pulled into their adventure. I tried to refused saying I'm feeling ill most of the time, preferring to stay behind but unfortunately the Doctor doesn't trust to leave me inside the Tardis.

Does she think I could drive the Tardis or something? Seriously...

7777

I was stuck in a nightmare. I was back with Victorious and he punishes me for escaping. He trapped me in a special room designed to punish me mentally. He always did know I am weak mentally. He was surprised that I could survive this long by luck alone.

I saw the laughing figure of a trickster, saying the joke is on me and...

I woke up to the concerned face of the Doctor, the female one.

I remembered now. I fell under the clutch of some wannabe gods from ancient Syria. They fed from people's nightmare.

The woman, Rakaya, glanced at me wickedly, saying I have some delicious nightmare.

The Doctor saves the day and able to trick the wannabe gods into eternal imprisonment.

At the end, as I sat with a blank expression on my face on the stairs at the console room, Yaz and Ryan approached me and asked if I want to talk about my nightmare.

I just said that I dreamed of being back in the room. They didn't push me for more. Yaz, being a police officer, probably suspected based on my scars, that the room was where I was imprisoned before.

7777

Darn it.

Despite my determination not to get attached with the Doctor and the fam, I failed. Damn adventures and dangers and excitements, it does bound us closer with each other. I saved them, they saved me.

"Admit it, you miss this, didn't you? The adventures, dangers, excitements?" The shadow Doctor teased me. "You got used to it already."

"what about you?" I asked him. "Do you miss being the Doctor? Saving people and planets instead of destroying them on a whim?"

He was silent. For once, he left me alone. I think I hurt his feeling despite him being a hallucination.

7777

Once I was almost taken by another bounty hunters, the Doctor rescued me and declared that I am under her protection and anyone who want to take me, will have to go through her first.

The oncoming storm expression on her face is enough to make them back off and I was left in peace.

The Doctor is not pleased that I still won't tell her the reason.

"You have your own secrets and I have mine. Respect that!"

"I can't protect you if you don't tell me the truth." The Doctor had said.

"Fine, let me leave. I can take care of myself!"

Both the Doctor and the shadow one snorted at me much to my anger.

The fam has to interfered with our arguments.

"Cool off, the both of you!" Yaz demanded.

Reluctant to leave for the next adventure but having no choice, I went with them. Another life-threatening incident passed with me rescuing Ryan, softened the Doctor and she apologies to me, sort of.

7777

It finally happened. As Jack warned, the lone cyberman has come.

The Doctor asked me the thing that the cyberman after so I told him about the cyberium. Jack did told me about it in passing. He was part of the alliance, after all. I guess he told me about it because he always planned to dump me at the Doctor. I admitted I hold a grudge against Jack for this still.

The Doctor took me with her but instructed the fam and the rest to stay put. She asked me more about cyberium. I honestly don't know anymore but she kept pressing me, taking her frustration at me.

To be honest, she frighten me at that moment, reminding me of Victorious.

From the way the Doctor reacted when she explained about cyberman to the other, the shadow Doctor concluded that she must have lost someone to the cyberman.

Bill Potts, my mind supplied. I knew she was supposed to be the Doctor's companion after Clara. Since Bill is not here anymore, I can only assume she is the one the Doctor lost.

The Doctor raced against time competing with the cyberman called Ashad to get the cyberium before him.

She eventually figured out the cyberium is possessing one of the residents in the house. She managed to trick the cyberium into leaving its current host.

The cyberium is attracted to the Doctor for a host much to my horror as she started to blurt out something the Time Lord Victorious would say.

I saw the shadow Doctor glanced at the other Doctor in amusement and curiosity. His eyes darkened with the lust for power. At that moment, he look so much like the real Victorious I have to believe he is truly him, not a pale imitation of him.

He turned to look at me as he finally notice the look of dread on my face. "You see? The Doctor has always headed to this..." He said with a chilling smile. "It wasn't you who turned me, dearest (name)."

"Get away..." I whispered in fear. I snapped out of it and yelled at the other Doctor, "Doctor, don't!" at the same time as Yaz.

Thankfully, the Doctor snapped out of it too.

The lone cyberman threaten to destroy the planet right that second if the Doctor refused him the cyberium.

Having no choice, the Doctor give its back to him. I have failed Jack. I know she has no choice but this meant Jack and the alliance would be in danger again.

As we returned to the Tardis, the Doctor made a plan to go after that asshat, I mean, Ashad.

She prepared some machinery in order to fight against the cybermen armies. At least she is confidence she could win this.

I planned to go with her to help and rescue Jack and then I am going to slap the hell out of him.

7777

Of course, things just don't worked as well as the Doctor planned. We are in the far future where the last of the human race located. I couldn't find Jack or the alliance.

We are overpowered by the cybermen and got separated from each other. I ended up with Yaz and Graham while the Doctor is with Ryan.

Somehow we ended up in cybership with the cybermen armies in the middle of waking up.

We are trapped. Everyone is panicking. I heard Yaz tried to talk to the other Doctor via an unreliable communication device.

I turned toward the shadow Doctor. "Do something!"

He turned to me with a chilling smile. "I have taught you before, right?"

I swallowed down my fear. "Please..."

He sighed as if what I am asking him is too troublesome.

I jumped when the steel door started to shake some more under the constant attack from the cybermen.

"You remembered when you were taken from me by the Division?" He suddenly asked.

I remembered it. I was taken, my mind half lobotomized in order to gain access on what I know of the Doctor. I woke up to everyone in the building died. I assumed Victorious did it.

"I could activated the physic bomb I planted inside you."

"What?!" This is the first time I heard this. "What the hell is that? Why do you insist of putting things in me?" I lost it at him. I am furious, wouldn't you be?

"(name)!" Yaz called out to me in concern but I ignored her and the rest who thought I finally lost my marble.

"Oh chill out, it won't kill you, well, only temporally." He said as he played with his nails.

"Bastard!"

"If I activated the psychic bomb, you and everyone in this ship will died, well not you obviously, and the cybermen but they will lost all function for roughly an hour or more. Enough time for you to escape, well, once you are resurrected that is." He said.

"What about them?"

"What about them?" He parroted. He shrugged. "Not my concern."

"The hell with that! Save them too!" I demanded.

"I warned you not to get attached..." He sounded bored now.

"Find another way!"

"Why should I?"

"Please. You are the Doctor."

"I'm not the Doctor anymore, remember?"

"Fine, you are victorious! So prove it!! Save them and be victorious over the cybermen!!" I screamed at him, tears of desperation filled my eyes.

He took a look at me and relents. "Fine."

I let out a shaky relieved breath at his answer.

He instructed me to tell the mechanic of the bunch with me to remove some electrical thingies to support enough for teleportation for all of us to escape.

"It is not enough!" The mechanic said. "Only enough for four and there are seven of us!"

"If only someone has a sonic screwdriver..." The shadow Doctor said mockingly. "Guess you have some decision to make, little (name), which four gets to escape with their life."

I cursed the other Doctor for taking the sonic from me. To my surprise, Yaz pulled a sonic screwdriver from her bag.

"She told me to give it back to you." Yaz explained.

My mouth dropped open in shock. I laughed in near hysterical and turned to the shadow Doctor with a grin. "Tell me."

He sighed in exasperation. "Fine."

I used the sonic as instructed, giving the teleportation enough power to transport all seven. "Go!" I instructed Yaz and Graham and the rest to go first.

"What about you?" Yaz demanded.

"I have one last thing to do." I turned to the shadow Doctor as everyone left the ship. "Do it."

He glanced at me with a look and smiled. "Being a martyr?"

"Buying them some time. They are far enough not to get affected by the psychic bomb, correct?"

"Correct."

"And you are the one who said I will survived it so not a martyr."

He hummed. "You sure?"

"Do it."

"As you wish."

Just as the door crashed open, I screamed as he filled my head with so much pain it triggered the bomb creating a pulse of energy that sweep the cybermen off their feet.

I clutched my heart as it was rudely stopped.

The last thing I saw is the shadow Doctor hovering over me, muttering something I couldn't hear.

"I only ask because triggering the bomb would send a signal directly to him..." He said. "He is coming, (name). I am coming."

7777

I slowly opened my eyes, found myself on the ground. "Oww..."

The Doctor and the fam are there, surprised to see me alive.

The Doctor scanned me with her sonic. "But...this is impossible." She blurted out. "You are only human, how can you...? You are immortal? Like Jack?"

"Ugh stop talking. Can I get some water please?" I pleaded.

Everyone stared at me weirdly but an old man thankfully gave me some water.

The Doctor still couldn't get over the fact that I survived and demanded to know what I have been hiding from him.

"Take it easy, doc, she did save our life." Graham said.

The Doctor relented.

"The cybermen..."

"Out of commission for now. How did you do that?" The Doctor asked.

"Tell you later."

She glanced at me. "You better." She said firmly before turned to Ko Sharmus who showed us to the Boundary and there a portal opened.

Both the Doctor and the shadow one blanched in horror when they recognized the ruins of Gallifrey.

And then some random guy leaped out of the portal.

"Master." I heard the Doctor spatted in disgust.

"What?" I accidentally yelled. Last time, to my knowledge, the Master is Missy, though? What happened to her?

"Like a pest...he just keep coming back, huh?" I heard the shadow Doctor said with a chuckle.

The Master demanded the Doctor to go with him. She refused at first. But when he threaten to kill the rest of us, she relented.

Reluctantly, she goes with the Master through the portal, instructing the rest of us to stay behind.

"Follow them." The shadow Doctor demanded.

I stared at him as if he has lost his mind.

"Do it!" The force of his words gave me headache.

"Oh, alright! Geez!" I glared at him in annoyance but did as I told and the pounding headache lessened just a bit.

Yaz and the other tried to stop me but I told them not to follow me.

The Doctor is enraged when she saw me. "What the hell? (name), get back out there!"

The Master is not pleased to see me either. "Control your pet, Doctor, or I will be forced to kill her."

I glared at the shadow Doctor at my predicament of having two very angry Time Lord. "I have no choice, okay!" I said to them.

The shadow Doctor chuckled and told me to say something for him intended for the Master.

"Like hell, I'm gonna say that. He is going to kill me." I refused as I glared at the empty space beside me much to the confusion of two still very angry Time Lord. He wanted me to call him by his name 'Koschei'. I clutched my head. "Oh, fine!!"

"You always have such a sort fuse, Koschei." I repeated word for word.

Both the Doctor and the Master flinched and glared at me suspiciously.

Great. Nice going. Is he planning to get myself killed?

"How do you know that name?" The Master demanded.

"He told me." I gesture to the empty space beside me.

The Master stared at the empty space before chuckled darkly. "Your pet has gone insane, Doctor?"

I stared at him flatly, trying to cover my fear. "The Doctor told me." which is the truth. "just not the Doctor you know." also truth since the Master technically never met bow-ties.

The Doctor stared at me in confusion.

"Yeah, don't care." The Master shrugged and pointed his gun at me as I raised my hand in surrender but the Doctor stood firmly in front of me, shielding me from him.

"Don't you dare." The Doctor hissed at him.

"You don't want to do that. Unless you want me stop both of your hearts." I said, more like repeating the shadow Doctor said.

"Are you threatening me?" The Master look pissed.

"(name), who are you talking with?" The Doctor turned around and grabbed both of my arms, demanding an answer out of me.

"I..." Is this it? Do I have to tell her the truth? I turned to look at the shadow Doctor. I swallowed down hard as I look at the Doctor and then at the Master. "To answer your question, yes, that was a threat. How do you think I made the cybermen lost his function, Doctor? I have a psychic bomb inside me, killing me would trigger it, would kill myself and stopped both of your hearts. So unless you want an early death, I suggest you temper yourself." I said as flat as possible.

Both Time Lords stared at me in shock.

"Psychic bomb? Who did that to you?" The Doctor demanded in concern and slight fear.

"The Doctor did." I said softly.

She released me as if stunned.

The Master curiously looked at me and the Doctor. "Oh fuck this, you ruined my moments, ape!"

"(name)..." The Doctor stared at me as if I grow two head suddenly.

"Come on you two, we need to be somewhere else right now!" The Master demanded.

The Doctor grabbed my hand and took me with her as the Master led us the ruin of the citadel.

As we entered the hall of matrix chamber, the Master suddenly hit me over the head, causing to collapse on the floor, losing my consciousness.

Both Doctor and the shadow Doctor are enraged at my behalf. The Master claimed he need her attention on him, not on her stupid pet.

7777

I woke up to huge commotion. The Master is yelling something at a hologram of Ashad and his armies, asking them what happened. We could heard explosion. He turned to the Doctor asking her what has she done but the Doctor claimed it wasn't her.

They were shouting at each other. Until a signal caught on his communication device.

"A signal. The four taps of two hearts." The Master suddenly said in confusion.

I glanced at those two as they started to bicker again. They are the last two Time Lords, so who was it that send him a signal?

My heart suddenly beats faster as dread filled me.

"The signal is getting close but something seemed to prevented it to come through..." the Doctor said as she pulled her sonic at the device that now emitting some sort of pulse. A portal suddenly appeared in the middle of the room.

I turned toward the shadow Doctor who look at me fondly. I couldn't decipher the meaning of it for a time. He suddenly started to fade away and my eyes widened as I suddenly have a realization.

"No!!" I shouted at both the Doctor and the Master trying to make them stop just as a pulse of energy exploded knocking all of us off our feet and I lost my consciousness once more.

7777

The portal opened. A man in bow-ties and dark purple suit stepped out of it.

The Doctor and the Master groaned on the floor. They looked up to see the newcomer.

The Doctor froze in shock when she saw her past-self. Her mouth dropped open.

He fixed his bow-ties with a grin. "Finally..." He turned and glanced at the other two Time Lords. "Hello there."

"Who the hell are you?" The Master asked.

"Victorious, at your service." He said, bowing mockingly at them.

The Doctor's face paled at the name. "But you can't be..."

"Oh? Why not?" He asked.

"You were me. And I never, he never..."

"You are the Doctor. Interesting." He said, eyes gleaming in excitement.

"You...are not me." The Doctor finally realized.

Victorious turned toward the unconscious human at the floor. His eyes softened considerably as he walked and squatted before the human, one hand gently removed the strand of hairs covering the face. "I guess even here, you couldn't escape a Me after all, huh?" he said. He sighed as he cradled the human into his arms. His forehead touches the human gently. "Seemed like you still keep some secret from me too..." He glanced at the Time Lady before him with a chilling smile before turning to look at his human again. "You bad, bad girl, what is to be done with this?"

A/N: I don’t know if there will be more. Maybe if inspiration hit, I will. Bear in mind, if I do write more, I might just add it in the same post instead of making another one so stay tunes? But for now, TTFN.

#doctor who x reader #thirteenth doctor x reader #eleventh doctor x reader #doctor who fanfiction #thirteenth doctor imagine #eleventh doctor imagine #shiefenwrites

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divinedecay · 4 years

Text

What Could Have, Should Have, Been

Prompt: exile by Taylor Swift + relationship angst Pairing: Rohan Kishibe x GN!Reader Word Count: 1,633 Warnings: Slight mentions of blood, angst, Rohan being sad A/N: This is purely self indulgent, please don’t come at me for anything that’s ooc. Also I recommend listening to exile by Taylor Swift while you read

Rohan saw everything coming.

With Heaven’s Door, he could read people, predict actions. He was confident in his abilities, in his relationship, in general. Especially in his relationship, in you. He’d never met someone quite like you, someone able to match him blow for blow. You were gorgeous, inside and out, and everyone loved you. You even ignored his jabs, something Josuke was amazed over. For every stupid little “you think I, Rohan Kishibe, care about something so trivial?” when you were upset, there was always an “I know you do.” Frankly, it kind of scared him. Just a little. And a little voice in the back of his head kept saying he didn’t deserve you.

Sometimes, he was inclined to believe it.

But he never gave that voice the satisfaction, never voiced the doubt. After all, who wouldn’t want to be with him? People would line up outside his door just for the chance. Besides, when he met you, he read all about you. There was nothing he couldn’t predict about you. At least, he thought so. But, when the two of you became a couple, you put forth a condition.

He wasn’t allowed to use Heaven’s Door on you, for the duration of your relationship.

That one was new, but he swore he wouldn’t. And he was a man of his word.

To his pleasure, everything went well. The two of you dated for a while, and, after around a year, you moved in with him. More important than that, he loved you. It was obvious to anyone who looked at him looking at you that he loved you, not that he would ever admit it. Love scared him, the whole of the emotion, the massive feeling, it terrified him. It was something he couldn’t predict. He might have been a little in love with you before the two of you even began dating. Not that he admitted it to himself.

You surprised him at every turn. He had, once, read everything about you with Heaven’s Door, but sometimes it felt as if he didn’t know you at all. You would surprise him with breakfast in bed, or with a date night, or something else suitable romantic. And you were patient. So blessedly patient with him. You took everything in stride, matched him blow for blow, and even somehow managed to get him to stop overworking himself (as much).

One day, Rohan woke up and realized you were his home.

That was why what came next hurt so much.

The two of you had been dating for one year, eight months, and twenty-three days - not that he was keeping track or anything - when it happened. When he woke up alone.

It wasn’t all that unusual. It was a weekend, and sometimes he slept in. He figured you were just in the kitchen, or the sitting room, or out doing something. Then he noticed it. The lack of things. Your stuff was nowhere to be found. Sometime during the night, you’d managed to move all of your things out. And you were gone.

You were gone.

He searched the whole house, just in case. Maybe he was dreaming. He had to be dreaming. Or this was a joke. A cruel joke. That had to be it. He was hoping, praying, for this all to be a dream. Then he made it to the kitchen. There, on the table, was a folded piece of paper. Written on it was just his name, in your lovely handwriting.

Rohan.

He shakily picked it up, almost afraid to read its contents. But he had to. He had to know. He swallowed, rolled his shoulders. It couldn’t be that bad, could it?

He slowly opened the letter, and an earring fell out. One of his pen earrings. The one he’d given you, so that the two of you could both have one. As a promise. Something in him cracked, then, but he took a breath and began to read, taking note of the tear-stains on the paper.

Rohan,

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve restarted this letter. I never seem to be able to get the words right. Hopefully this will be the one that does it right.

I want to start by saying that I love you, Rohan. I have from the beginning. I might always love you. That’s what makes this so hard.

I think you love me, Rohan. I really think that. But I think love scares you, and the more it scares you, the more you distance yourself. Which leads me to now, I guess. I’m sitting in your kitchen, crying, writing this letter. But I can’t look back now.

I have to leave you, Rohan. And, don’t worry, I’m going to tell you exactly why.

I feel like we’re a car crash; everything is going downhill fast but you can’t help but watch the disaster. I’ve tried - God knows I’ve tried - to put in the effort to get close to you. And you know what you do? Nothing. You don’t try and take me on dates, you don’t thank me, you don’t open up to me. This thing between us? It’s so one sided. And I can’t take it anymore. I’m tired, Rohan. I’m tired of putting everything into this and getting nothing back.

Koichi and Josuke say that’s just how you are - selfish. But I don’t think that’s it. Not exactly. You are selfish. But underneath that, you’re scared.

I’ve seen this film before, Rohan, I know how this ends. So I’m ending it before it can get that far. I can’t stay in a relationship with someone who won’t put in the effort. I refuse.

Maybe, one day, it can be different. Maybe you’ll realize what it is that scares you, and face it. Maybe then we can try again.

But, until then…

Goodbye, Rohan.

He drops the letter back onto the table with a dismissive wave.

“Y/N’s loss.”

Somehow, he manages to move. He goes through the motions, for a while, but never leaves his house. Never answers the phone. Or the door. Barely eats. Barely sleeps. His manga goes on hiatus. He can’t bring himself to care. Then, three days later, he sees the earring on the floor, where he left it. His thoughts drift to you and everything comes crashing into him at once. The pain, the heartache. For three days he’d managed to numb it, but one reminder of you and it was all over.

The next thing he knew, he was on the floor.

He wasn’t sure how he got there, but once he was there time seemed to slow down. He hugged his knees, resting his chin on them and ignoring the fact that he was actually crying. He reached beside him and grabbed the earring that had fallen from the note and bounced onto the floor. He wrapped his hand around it, feeling the sharp edges dig into his palm and not giving a damn. He would never wear it again. If it wasn’t you wearing it, he never wanted to see it again.

He didn’t know how long he was on the floor, ignoring everything. At some point, he registered a knock on his door, but didn’t think anything of it. At least, until he vaguely registered a crash that sounded suspiciously like his front door being kicked down. He couldn’t find it in himself to care.

He couldn’t find it in himself to care.

That was what had gotten him into this mess, wasn’t it? He hadn’t cared enough, hadn’t shown it. What was it you had said? He was afraid. Rohan Kishibe, afraid. Impossible.

Koichi’s face appeared in front of him.

“Rohan-sensei? Y/N told us-” At the mention of your name, he tightens his grip on the earring, but doesn’t speak.

“There’s blood dripping from his hand!” Josuke. Of course that brat would be here too.

“Huh?!” Okuyasu. Why was everyone here to witness his shame? Could they not just leave him alone?

“I’ll fix it,” he hears Josuke say, and jerks his hand away.

“No.” It’s the only word he’s spoken in who knows how long.

“Open your hand, dumbass.”

“No.” He feels like a broken record, but it’s the only thing he can manage, he thinks. Is he still crying? He hopes he’s not still crying.

“Rohan-sensei, let him help you.” Koichi’s voice is soft, gentle. Patient. Hesitant.

“I’m fine.”

I’m fine, he tells himself, this is nothing. He pushes himself off the ground. “I’m fine. Get out.”

“But-”

“This is just good manga research material. Get out.” The lies are easy, spilling out from him. In truth, he’s not sure he wants them to leave. But, like so many other things, he’d never admit it. He wipes his eyes, pushes past them. How had he missed all the signs? How had he missed your discontent?

Selfish, a voice in him cries, you’re a selfish bastard. Of course you wouldn’t see the signs, all you care about is yourself.

He was a fool.

There was so much that could have, should have, been. And he’d ruined it. He’d ruined it all. He looked down at his hand, slowly opening it to reveal the earring. It had dug into his palm and broken skin. He felt like he deserved the pain.

“Rohan-sensei?”

They were still here?

He turned to look at them, not truly seeing them. His mind was elsewhere, on you. Was there even a way to fix this?

“Koichi-kun,” he says, his voice quiet, “I was a fool.”

What could have, should have, been, he would find a way to make it reality.

He would change. He would put in the effort. He would win you back.

Or his name isn’t Rohan Kishibe.

#Rohan Kishibe #jjba rohan #rohan kishibe x reader #gn!reader #rohan kishibe x gn!reader #angst babyyyyyy #what could have should have been #self indulgent bullshit

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natsukitakama · 4 years

Note

Here we are for some Jean request then ! I was thinking of modern!au headcanons where Jean and Reader have been close friends for a long time, but as years flow, they begin to develop romantic feelings for each other, each one thinking its unrequited. However at a party, they end up kissing but get interrupted before they can talk it out :c (And perhaps I should find a shorter nickname than reincarnation au!anon ahahah, Rei is fine)

Author note : Hello Rei Anon, hope you’re doing okay ! Your request is so sweet ♡ I hope I did justice to your request, this is going the first I wrote for JeanBoy. Modern AU hit different I just love them ♡. Unfortunately I never find much Jean’s content but he is just a sweetheart I learn to love him through the anime.I hope it won't be too OOC. Enjoy ! Let me know if you enjoy this ;)

I do not own that gif credit to the owner

Warning : Fluffy / Gender neutral / Frustrated ending / a little bit of angst

Masterlist

As long as you can remember Jean was always by your side. Your first at school when no one talked to you he was here, when you decided to go into football’s club he was here with you. You two have met the day you move on on his district your house was quite close to his. You were playing on the street while your parent was busy moving each furniture for your new house.

He never saw you before, he tried to show off a little bit because that kid doesn’t know how to make friends without showing off.

It works you were kinda impressed by him and you went with him quickly after.

You never separate from each other since. Indeed both of your parents understand that you were kinda close so they did everything so you could stay together : in class, in club, no matter what you were always with him

His aura relax you, he always pretend to know everything and 99% of time it was. It was such a relief for you, knowing he would be there no matter what. When it came to him, he really enjoys having you as a friend not only did you praise him (which was huge ego boost for him) but you were also faithful. He never experienced someone being like this before, most of the times his friends were friends with other people but not you.

You were child when you two met, so you know nothing about love so obviously both of you thought you were close friends but nothing more.

However, when you joined junior high school you started to think that maybe you were more than friends.

In fact, you were in second years unfortunately for the first time you weren’t in the same class as Jean. At first both of you were sad, but you took it as an opportunity to appreciate even more the time when you two would be together. Even if you make friends with other people, you still share a lot of time with Jean like during lunch or practice since your class used to work by pair.

One of your friend teased you about how close you were with Jean, about how he always managed to go into your class to find you. How he was always showing off in front of you. To his you just replied that he was always like that, it’s literally how you two became friends so ?

But the more they talk to you the more you were questioning your own feeling , what if you were in fact in love with him ? You would feel right ? Since your feelings never changed for Jean it means that you aren’t in love with him ?

On the other hand, Jean was questioning himself too. Not because some friends teased about it (he never cares he just yells at them to back off), but he started to notice some things on you. Like the way you decided to style your hair, the way you smile or cracked a laugh when you thought someone wasn’t noticed. The way you always plays with your hair when you started to getting nervous. It couldn’t help but find it cute. But it wasn’t like he was in love with you right ?

Wrong, both of you were so wrong and you were about to find it on the worst way

One day, Jean received some cute letter on his desk asking him to go into a special place for a talk he was supposed to meet someone on the rooftop. Every student including you know why, he was about to got a confession from someone.

You couldn’t help but felt your heart squeeze at this idea : Jean with a Significant other ? Jean dating someone ? You shouldn’t feel sad about this, it’s not like you two were flirting or anything. You were his friend, just his friends. Your friends noticed your behavior and already understand the real problem behind that. They tried to talk to you but you deny everything : no you weren’t in love with Jean and even if you might be that doesn’t matter cause he definitely not sees you that way anyway

Turns out Jean did have a confession that day, but he doesn’t what to do with those feelings about you. He wasn’t sure if he was in love with you or not, in addition you definetly not saw him like this not after everything you two have been through. You were more like sibling that lover.

At least that what he thought

So Jean started a relationship with a girl, her name was Nina. They look very good together and as much as it hurts your heart you couldn’t agree more.

They seemed so happy together. Nina was absolutely gorgeous, she was smart good with sport, she was a cheerleader, got a tone of friends. She was everything you weren’t, you just couldn’t not understand why Jean chooses her instead of you, he was so incredible, so soft, so smart he always knows what to do and he is so funny.

Jean is perfect she was perfect everything make sense, how could be interest on you anyway ?

You were his buddies, hell does he even see you like this ? What if you were just a little puppy someone who just followed him in order to be close to him.

The more you think about it the more you become distant to him, and it kills Jean seeing you like this but he doesn’t know what to do about it. Hell he doesn’t even know what makes you sad ? Since he agreed to become Nina’s boyfriend you tends to less talk to him telling him it was fort the best cause you didn’t want to cause any trouble to Jean (and it was true).

Instead you started to learn to live without having jean by your side, but it hurts you. It hurts not having a text from him, not seeing him on the morning, not walking with him. It hurts you seeing him doing all the thing with there instead of you. It kills you to see him being happy while you weren’t, at the end maybe he never needed you but you did.

For the first couple of months, you couldn’t sleep without crying on your pillow you missed him. You miss seeing him showing off as if he needed to prove a point, how you regret never told him he never needed to do that, telling him how much he means to you and that you would always do no matter what he would do.

He was kinda a dork sometimes but you loved it even if when he was arrogant you find it attractive, his cockiness seduce you, his insecurities melt your heart, his smile warmth you.

How could be that blind ?

You always loved him, you just weren’t aware of that

All you wish was to come see him and start again as if nothing happen, but it’s been so long since you two have talked no matter how hard you wanted this it seemed like there were nothing good to say for fixing your relationship. So you kinda let things go.

Fortunately your friends was behind your back, they noticed how sad you were since Jean started his relationship. They already planned something to force you two have the talk you deserve

When it came to him, he wasn’t as happy as he thought he would be with Nina. Not that she wasn’t good with him, but he couldn’t explain but his relationship with her doesn’t sound right as if he wasn’t with the right person.

It doesn’t help that he suffered from your lack of conversation, he gets so used to have you with him all the time that he felt empty without you. Even his girlfriend who barely knows you since you didn’t talk to them, noticed that his boy suffered from your missing. As much as it bothered her, she had to admit you were a huge part of Jean’s life but she couldn’t know how much you were important to him

At this point, he went after Marco asking him some advice cause he was confused. Was he in love with you ? Or was he just sad because his friend wasn’t with him anymore ?

« Here the thing, I used to be with them since I’m a kid you know ? They lived close to my house, we’ve become friends without I could realize it. I was a pretty bastard with them at first I was showing off like I was so much better than them and they just follow him, play with me, protect me when I was into a fight. Next thing I know I couldn’t just be far from them

I see you were pretty close since a long time … What about now ? Did something change ?

Yeah well, as you I’m dating Nina since 6 months now and they just stop hanging out with me claiming they will cause trouble. But they weren’t.

How did you know that ? Maybe they felt that Nina wasn’t confortable with that

But-

Did you ask Nina about it ?

Who cares about Nina this is about Y/N ! (Couple second later) I’m sorry I shouldn’t yell it’s just… I don’t know since they’re not with me I’m feeling down you know ? As if something was missing. I-I guessed I just miss them

*chuckle* well you already have all answer why did you come ?

I don’t know I guess I needed to know if it was right

What ? Being in love with Y/N it sounds legitimate to me

But what about Nina ? I can’t just bumped her

What about this, try to talk to Y/N just to see how they felt about you and after that you would see what you’ll do with Nina. You know ? Step by step »

Everything seemed to run its course, your friends were planning a party to celebrate your last year in junior high school while Jean was decided to talk to you and he’ll do it while everyone would be busy celebrating

You weren’t supposed to go at the party, you didn’t wanted to go at this party. Seeing all people being happy, seeing Jean dancing with Nina was too much for your broken heart you still need to heal after all. But your friend somehow convinced you to go.

And you did. You ask your friends to help you with your outfit while you mentally prepare yourself for what’s about to happen.

During the whole day before the party, Jean was pretty calm and distant he knows at some point he would have to talk with Nina and he was afraid he might hurt : after all she doesn’t deserve to be hurt like that. It was as if she could read into his mind cause when they were about to go into the party she told him « Go, you need to talk with them we’ll figure out what to do next. I’m not angry with you, I should see that coming »

So did he, he walked through the crowd looking for you. After everything, he needs to tell you how he really felt about you this time he was ready to be the little puppy. He missed you so much. The he saw you.

You were with you friends dancing as if no one was around you, the way your body move with the sound, you were in your own word relaxing but he also noticed some things who have changed about. Did you loose some weight ? You seemed a little bit tired than before ? Did he do that to you ? He won’t forgive himself for treating you like this

You deserve so much better and he was ready to do it

He came closer to you, footstep by footstep, as he came closer he started to feel his heart squeeze, he has some difficulty to breath, his stomach twisted as he became more anxious. He knows it gonna be hard, he knows open-up to someone is never easy but he’ll do it. He has to do it.

When he faced you, he forgot what he has to say so instead he took your wrist on his hand pleading you with his eyes to follow him. Not sure what to do you just look at your friend who push you to follow him. It’s been a lot of days since you two were this close and as far as you can remember he never touch you. The feeling of his firm touch on your wrist warm you and you swore you were blushing, you hoped he won’t see it because of the darkness.

Couple of minute later, he got you on a private place kinda far from the party and you couldn’t be more thankful for that. Most of the time you were more relax on private and peaceful place but now having him and you all alone make you uncomfortable. After all you were avoiding him since he started his relationship, you weren’t sure anymore if you wanted to talk to him.

You two stare at each other not knowing what to do or what to say, no matter how spaced the room was it was like you two couldn’t breath properly, you swore you could feel the warmth from Jean’s body and he could feel the same about you.

Should I told them ? Was everything on both of your mind

« Look Y/N I’m sorry for…

Y-You don’t have to apologize for anything Jean besides I’m the one to blame I avoid you since you started to date Nina while I shouldn’t do that. B-But you know I wanted to … I mean I tried to but I didn’t if you … »

You were so anxious that you become a whole mess, your face was nothing but read, you could even feel tears rolling from your cheeks as you felt embarrassing for not being able to speak properly. You gets hiccup as you couldn’t calm yourself. You couldn’t see jean because your sight was blurry from tears but he was looking at you with a sad expression.

Never did he expect you to feel like this from him, no one ever did. He watched as you were confusing yourself trying to find your work for a better sentence, anyone in the room would feel pity on you but not jean instead was overwhelmed from warmth « I love them » was everything on his mind.

Before you could even notice, his hand were on your cheeks stroking it while rubbing the tears from your eyes. In a blink of an eye, his face was an inch from you tilting yours with his hand on your cheeks, one moment later you felt it. His lips were on yours, at first it was a chaste kiss. But then, your arm find their way on Jean’s neck as you let everything out of your mind and deepen the kiss. You would everytime in the world to process what happen but for now you wanted to enjoy the kiss. His lips were soft and warmth as you imagined but he was more gentle with you, as if he was holding the most precious thing of the world.

Unfortunately for you, you had to stop as you heard some voices. Not wanting to get caught in such private moment, you broke the kiss but neither of you stop staring at each other.

What would happen next will depend on you.

#aot #snk #jean kirstein #jean kirschtien #Jean Kirstein x reader #Jean Kirstein headcanon #jean kirschtein x reader #Jean Kirschstein headcanon #Jeanboy #aot jean #attack on titan #attack on titans #shingeki no kyojin #Snk jean #jean x reader #snk x reader #aot x reader #eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger

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luccislegs · 4 years

Note

Hi! Can I get a scenario for Lucci and his girlfriend? After it’s revealed that he is a CP9 agent and she asks him “was our relationship real or it was all fake?”. Happy ending please, this world is already dark and sad as it is. Also you are an amazing writer!

i’m putting the warnings that it’s 2k words, there’s cursing, angst, hurt/comfort, and possible ooc but i tried really, really hard to make him in-character but also still soft for his partner. i really like how this turned out i hope y’all do too.

That night was a blur.

Your attention was caught between what was going on at Galley-La and setting up for Aqua Laguna, and it made you an erratic, harried, and nervous mess. You were worried for all the people you had become friends with over the last few years, but mostly you were worried for your partner, Lucci. He was one of the strongest foremen on the docks, but whoever was attacking Iceburg was clearly dangerous, and even if you knew he’d be okay, you still worried.

Sleep came in fits and, when you finally woke up the next morning, it was to the news that the attackers hadn’t been the Strawhat Pirates, but Galley-La dockworkers. Your blood turned to ice in your veins as you hurried to the docks, desperate to find Lucci, but most of Dock 1 was empty. Nor could you find the main foremen, or Iceburg. It was via a passing doctor, tending to the injured dock workers, that you got more information. It was the same time you learned that your whole relationship with Lucci was a lie.

You didn’t remember the walk home, and most of the rest of the day was a hazy mix of tears, anger, and betrayal. All of it left you feeling empty and drained, but mostly you were hurt.

Over the next few weeks, no one knew what to say to you. They couldn’t blame you for being involved with Lucci. He had fooled everyone and no one believed you had been involved in whatever he and his cohorts had done. But condolences didn’t seem right, and there was nothing to forgive, but somehow something had changed and all of you seemed to be dancing around each other like something needed to be said.

After a while, the pain stopped, but you never really stopped hoping he would come back. What he did was awful, and he was a liar and a spy and he murdered people for a living, but even knowing all of that didn’t change how he held you at night or the way he comforted you when you were at your lowest. The way that the foremen and Franky Family made it sound, Lucci was a cold-hearted bastard who didn’t even know what the word love meant, let alone how to love someone. But that wasn’t what your memories said, nor was it what your traitorous heart was telling you.

It was another one of those nights, where you came into your house and took in the empty space, devoid of the warmth that once made it home, and decided you weren’t going to deal with the myriad of emotions it brought with it. Mentally checking out, you threw your things to the floor, intending to just go to bed, when the creak of a floorboard down the hall stilled you.

Your heart in your throat, you called out, “Who’s there?”

In an instant, a shadow appeared at the end of the hallway, and you fell back with a shriek as Lucci’s towering figure entered the living room. How he moved so fast was beyond you, and you didn’t have time to process escape before he was squatting down in front of you.

He looked a mess.

There were bandages on his cheek and dark circles under his eyes. His usually sleek and wavy hair was hung limp and dull around his face, which itself looked pale. Gentle hands wrapped around your arms, hauling you to your feet and before you even knew you were standing, you were being embraced.

Your brain fought to catch up with everything you were seeing and, when it finally did, you broke.

“What the hell, Lucci?” you screamed. Or tried to. Your voice was hoarse with unshed tears, but those too were rapidly beginning to stream down your face. “What are you doing here? If they catch–”

Wait.

Why were you worried about them catching him? He deserved to be caught. After everything he did: the attempted murder, the lying, the framing, the deceit.

He more than deserved it.

Well, that was what you told yourself, but you never even opened your mouth to yell.

He really looked like shit, now that you took him in. It was clear he hadn’t been having a good time of it since he left Water 7, and you couldn’t help your curiosity.

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be celebrating your victory with the rest of the World Government?” you snap, wiggling out of his arms. He didn’t let you go without a fight, but when you slapped his hands away, he let them fall.

“That didn’t go according to plan,” he said, watching you step further away from him. He had to fight the urge to follow you, to engulf you in his arms again. He had missed you more desperately than he had realized, more desperately than he had let anyone else know. Underneath his usual aloof demeanor, he was buzzing with anxiety.

The World Government had done it’s best to train emotions out of him, but somehow you and you alone had gotten under his skin. He didn’t know if it was your soft kindness, or your confidence, or your soundless acceptance of things life threw at you, but he had fallen for you hard. And he had hoped that in time, maybe you could be coaxed to accept him for what he was.

But the universe hadn’t given him the opportunity.

You scoffed at his words and turned from him, wanting to face anywhere but him. For weeks you had thought about what you would say to him if you saw him again, how you would react. And yet, now that he stood in front of you, you were nowhere near prepared to deal with this, emotionally or mentally, and you could feel the exhaustion just beneath the newly formed headache beating at your temples.

“Yeah? Good. How could you? I mean, Lucci, five years. You’ve been here for five fucking years and that meant nothing to you?” you asked, still holding yourself like you might fall apart if you so much as relaxed. He said nothing, and you sighed, tilting your head as if that would alleviate anything. “If it meant nothing to you, if those friendships you formed– or pretended to form, anyway– meant nothing, why are you here? You clearly don’t give a shit about me–”

That set him off. He would readily admit that there was no lingering affection for anyone else in this backwater island, but he couldn’t even lie to himself about his feelings for you.

“That’s exactly why I’m here. I do care about you, though I don’t suppose you have any reason to believe me. Why else would I come back?” he asked. He could feel anger simmering just beneath the surface, though he wasn’t sure if it was at himself or you. You deserved the world and he had lit it aflame and handed you the ashes, and expected you to accept them as a substitute for the happiness you could have had with someone else.

Watching the myriad of emotions flicker across your face was like a slap to the face.

Denial, hope, anger, hurt: all of it was an open book on your face and he read them easily, but you stood fast, even as tears streamed down your face. He hadn’t expected it to be easy, hadn’t expected you to come running back into his arms with happiness. It was only fair that he take your anger, because he had abandoned you without a word and left you to the wolves.

The sigh you expelled was tired, your fingers cramping from the white knuckle grip on your arms as you stared blankly at the wall. It would be so easy to give into him, it was what you wanted to do, but how could you ever trust his words again? Shaking your head, you hunched down into yourself. “I don’t think I can do this, Lucci. Three years is a long time to lie, three years is a long time to lie and then attempt an assassination and then come back and ask me to forgive you.”

Your words were barely a whisper, but Lucci caught them all to easily. He could also hear the hesitation in your voice, and he wasn’t above using it to his advantage. “_____, would you have believed me if I told you? Would you have accepted it?” He cupped your face gently and lifted your head so he could look you in the eyes. His words weren’t what you wanted to hear, but you talked about honesty, and that’s what he was doing. He was being honest. “I couldn’t trust you to keep my secret. But don’t think I didn’t feel anything for you. Don’t think I don’t feel anything for you.”

Your head was beginning to swim from an uncomfortable mix of too many emotions and too much crying. His hands were warm and real on your face, comforting you. You hadn’t even realized you were cold.

His words stung, but they were true. You understood the need for secrecy. His job demanded it. But were you willing to accept it? Could you really be with him if that’s how it was always going to be? And what about the residents of Water 7? How could you look them in the eyes when you were sheltering the very person that had almost turned their lives upside down? Your life upside down?

But that was the thing, wasn’t it? He had turned your life upside down in so many different ways, entwined his life with yours that detangling the threads would require scissors, and you weren’t sure you wanted that. Your memories with him weren’t wrong, weren’t bad, and certainly didn’t reflect the assassin he apparently was.

“Which is the real you, Lucci? Can you tell me that?” you asked, voice barely above a whisper. Surrounded by him, the faded scent of cologne still lingering on his crumpled suit and filling your overwhelmed mind, it was too easy to fall into his charms again.

He paused, still staring at you with those soul-piercing silver eyes as he thought about his answer. Who he is is not who is with you, and he wonders if you’ll believe that. It’s the truth, whether you do or not, and when he tells you he can see that flicker of hope again in your tired eyes.

Maybe, if you were a stronger, less selfish person, you would resist, tell him to get lost and take the time to move on. But you were none of those things, and you didn’t have the power to resist the familiar comfort of his callused hands on your skin, or the soft warmth with which he was looking at you.

Tears spilled over and gathered against his fingers, and he could see the fight leave you just before you curled yourself into his embrace. He welcomed you, relished the familiar feeling, the only person he’s ever allowed so close to him, in more ways than one. Twenty years he’d gone without needing the touch of another person, but somehow you not only wormed your way under his skin, but planted yourself there, making him crave the intimacy.

He wasn’t going to promise you that he would never lie to you again, would not entertain the notion that things would go smoothly or perfectly or on forever, but he wasn’t concerned with the future this time.

Just you, in his arms, for however long he could hold you.

#rob lucci #rob lucci x reader #one piece scenarios

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theharellan · 5 years

Text

dragon age positivity meme | accepting

i’m going to be answering these in one post for the sake of simplicity and cutting down ooc posts!

✾ your favourite da:o main quest | sent by @cuervocanto

my actual favourite quest is paragon of her kind, but i talked about why i love that one here. and yes, i don’t even rly mind the deep roads.

my second favourite is probably the landsmeet, especially taking into account that it has some sub-main quests that are grouped together under the umbrella of preparing for the landsmeet. such as resucing anora, breaking out of fort drakon, and solving the unrest in the alienage. i find returning to the alienage as tabris second to aeducan returning to orzammar, but it’s still very interesting coming back to a place where you grew up with no power, suddenly having power. and regardless of origin the worldbuilding is good, immediately the fact that you’re barred from the alienage upon initially entering denerim tells you a lot about the state of elves in ferelden. the choice at the end isn’t particularly difficult, “slavery is bad” isn’t a controversial opinion even in ferelden and so even the warden i created with the intention of being That Kind of Human couldn’t choose that option, BUT it does make for an emotional choice when playing tabris

as for rescuing anora and breaking out of drakon, i just love the humour in the quest. i never have my warden break out themselves just so i can have the companions bullshit their way in. my personal favourite combination is zevran and oghren, although i do enjoy morrigan-leliana and sten-dog, as well. i think my fave thing about oghren and zev tho is that iirc they’re one of the most successful combinations.

as for the landsmeet itself, it’s not particularly challenging, but i enjoy the variety of options you get and how it changes the game going forward. like, in every game anora is queen for me in some capacity, but beyond that i’ve had a bitter king alistair working with a warden who recruited loghain, loghain and the warden alone, etc. i enjoy the politicking and making an alliance with anora. it’s enjoyable even on replays.

❄ your favourite da:i personal quest | sent by @pentaghasted

my actual favourite personal quest is cole’s, which i talked about here. instead i’ll talk about iron bull’s b/c i’m glad they committed to what they started in trespasser and i also appreciate how the choice is set up. most of us save the chargers b/c the lot of them stole our hearts in the two scenes they were in, but unlike some other choices in the series choosing the sadder/arguably worse option doesn’t require you to be roleplaying as an evil bastard to choose it.

so like, most games i save the chargers, but my playthrough where i’m playing a practical trevelyan-- she goes with the qunari dreadnought. the chargers were assets, but a qunari alliance could have been more beneficial in the long term. heck, even my inquisitor who saves the chargers feels a lot of guilt about it-- because even if she didn’t know the people on the dreadnought, there were a whole lot of them, and her decision got them killed. she needed to show she cared for her own people first, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t matter.

which contrasts this personal quest for something like... say, fenris’s third one, which don’t get me wrong, is very emotional. but i cannot fathom why a hawke how kept fenris around for all that time and clearly spent time talking to him would just say “yeah you can take him” its just kinda over-the-top cruel. so i am glad when i can roleplay the alternate decisions i ordinarily wouldn’t make.

and i love seeing the quest��s differing effect on bull. he adjusts either way, but one puts him on a path where he’s going to be facing you, one way or another. and he pays the price for that.

♦ your favourite piece of lore | sent by @felandaristhorns & @sephirajo

i’ve answered this before the last time i reblogged this meme and answered the dalish mage lore from da:i and rivain just. as a whole. i’m going with the lore regarding elvhenan, though, b/c i think the games do a good job of subverting what we were told in da:o and da2 while also explaining how those misconceptions happened. i love going back to the previous games and seeing new angles to the lore and the places where they were building up to it. i love seeing the foreshadowing within inquisition itself.

and i just love how elvhenan is characterised, as a hyper-magic society where reality and dreams aren’t necessarily different things. and where feelings are just as physical as every other aspect of a person. it explains so much about the fade, spirits, solas, it makes even comments like merrill’s-- someone with a pretty nuanced view of spirits-- kind of sad. she calls the fade “another people’s land” not knowing that it was her land, and her people.

while i’m on that spirits in general make me sad. how perception screws with them, and how i think that just further isolates mages. for once i don’t think this is a plot by the chantry, i don’t think they’re lying about how they think spirits are, they’re just wrong to characterise them as they do. but at the same time i don’t think they’d disapprove of the effect is has on mages. it’s cutting them off from potential friendships, and not only that but friendships the templars would have 0 way of regulating given they could potential happen in dreams.

but i’m off-topic. the point is i find the worldbuilding surrounding elvhenan, to be some of bioware’s best. it makes sense, it’s nuanced and varied and doesn’t make elvhen characters wear one single hat. clearly it was a heavily flawed place, but it had a lot of merits and you can see why solas misses it or why cole, upon learning that the veil was never meant to be, feels validated by the idea that he was never wrong to want to be a part of both worlds.

♬ your favourite part of the da:i soundtrack | sent by @daggersandpoison

da:i has the best soundtrack in the series and i don’t think this is a controversial opinion. i do love inon sur’s work, and i was a little worried when i heard morris was composing inquisition b/c i found me3′s soundtrack to be overall a step down from me2′s (it lost a lot of what made the mass effect series unique). BUT with inquisition he managed to keep dragon age’s unique sound while also improving upon it. the inquisition theme gives me chills when i start up the game and even while i’m walking around in the field and a few chords play while i’m picking up my 100th elfroot.

but it’s always hard to choose my favourite. it’s honestly a tie between journey to skyhold and the dark solas theme. both of these give me specific solas feelings, the former b/c you have solas entrusting a lot of hope and faith in the inquisitor (it’s esp poignant if by that point you have a burgeoning friendship with him). and b/c it comes off one of the strongest moments in the dragon age series, aka the battle of haven and encounter w/ corypheus. also i love the dawn will come, fite me. and from my inquisitor’s perspective, esp my main inquisitor, thora, this is probably the first time she’s felt like she was worth all this herald talk. even if she doesn’t believe it, the song beginning with a soft, unsure sound and rising to a triumphant end when skyhold is unveiled encapsulates what i love about the inquisitor’s story and my inquisitor’s personal feelings.

dark solas theme i love b/c it conveys so much of the sadness and loneliness of his character. i would talk more about it b/c it makes me so sad i literally can’t listen to it unless i’m writing post-trespasser solas and even then it’s risky. it’s just a good track ok. and it caps off my favourite dlc.

ღ your favourite da:i banter | sent by @renaudtrevelyan

i talked about some banter i love here between bull and solas. i have to admit i have a hard time choosing my favourite in da:i b/c i just love so much of the banter in this game. i always tell myself not to choose solas banter, and i’m going to... choose one solas and one non-solas.

Solas: I do not understand you, Sera. You have no end goal for your organization. Sera: Nobles get rattled, and people get payback. I play in the middle. Solas: Why not go all the way? You see injustice, and you have organized a group to fight it. Don't you want to replace it with something better? Sera: What, just lop off the top? What's that do, except make a new top to frig it all up? Solas: I...forgive me. You are right. You are fine as you are. Sera: You hurt my head sometimes, Solas. Solas: Yes, I have been known to do that.

this banter is great to me (and all the banter leading up to it) b/c it informs so much about both of their characters. solas is trying to help sera, in this string of banter. he’s trying to give advice so that the red jennies could potentially become an organisation that does more than makes little people’s lives better with pranks or the occasional knife in someone’s back. it’s a conversation between two characters who are, in different ways, absolutely sick of the system and have different ways of dealing with it.

solas wants change. sweeping, societal change. sera isn’t sure change will help any, and would prefer the relative stability of a pre-breach world where she knows which way’s up. neither is wrong to deal with it the ways they are, and solas just has to look at the top he lopped off to see that, yes, they grow back just as bad. idk i just love solas and sera a lot and i love seeing what they have in common and how they handle their frustrations differently.

Sera: I don't get it. If you want to change, just change. Why this "fake Warden" rubbish? Blackwall: For one, people wanted me dead. Being someone else kept me breathing. Blackwall: And then, knowing that people thought I was good made it easier. Sera: (Laughs.) You needed them to think you could, so you could think you could! Sera: You're smart, but you're sort of stupid.

i’m picking another sera banter b/c i love her. i love sera b/c she’s smarter than ppl give her credit for, she cuts through why rainier did what he did the same way cole does. their relationship on the whole is very sweet and it was hard choosing one banter. but i appreciate her ability to both love and support thom while also calling him out on his bullshit. the two of them are good for each other and im so glad they’re friends. my only regret is i’ve never seen thom as sera’s best man in wedding art. or sera as blackwall’s for that matter. their friendship needs more love-- actually, sera just needs more love period.

☄ your favourite da:i codex entry | sent by @chantrysworn

i love this codex entry, describing wisdom (solas’s spirit friend):

When the summoning ritual was complete, the spirit appeared. Both spirits and demons have no gender as we understand it, but this one, much like the rare and dangerous desire demon, presented as female. Although its form was not threatening, the spirit carried itself with a confidence, an awareness, I suppose, that I have seen only in the most powerful of demons.

This spirit of wisdom was polite and courteous. It answered our questions about the Fade, even acknowledging the difficulty when we could not understand what it meant. There was none of the bargaining one normally associates with a summoned creature, save that the spirit sometimes asked us questions as well. Heras shared a mathematical formula he had recently proven, while Etrenne explained her study on magical themes in the Chant of Light, and young Rhys talked a little about his mother.

When we were finished, the spirit thanked us for the conversation and then vanished, although none of us had dismissed it. We soon discovered that the summoning ritual we had devised was critically flawed. The spirit had been under no compulsion to come or remain. All the time it had talked with us, it had stayed of its own volition. Heras was greatly concerned that such a powerful spirit remained free, and has updated the ritual to correct for the weakness in the binding enchantment. I understand his caution, but I also confess that I quite enjoyed the conversation. I am not certain the spirit would have talked so freely had it been shackled at the time.

—An excerpt from Spirits of the Spire by Senior Enchanter Francois

you can see so much of why they were friends in this codex. the politeness, answering and asking questions, no bargaining just a nice conversation where both parties learn things. and then you find out it never had to show up in the first place, it just wanted to-- and likely would not have been as accommodating had it not been free.

it’s great for informing us on a character we tragically don’t know all that well. and also? it’s incredibly sad when you think about what happens to it, it almost makes you wonder if the mages who ultimately bound and killed it would have had better luck simply asking for its protection. solas says something along those lines, but he also says it prefers remaining in the fade (interesting in itself, given that the chantry pushes the agenda that all spirits want beyond it. contradicted by multiple spirits we’ve met tbh, including cole, who actually quite likes the fade).

this codex is also interesting b/c it tells you some about what mages study and do with their time. and it goes back to what i mentioned previously, w/ chantry attitudes depriving spirits and mages of one another’s company.

anyway i love wisdom and it deserved better.

#( positivity )#( positivity meme )#( ooc )#( long post )#[ i love da / da:i sm #cries softly into hands ]

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i-want-my-iwtv · 6 years

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Lestat, Louis is a sad sack of a man and doesn’t really seem to be worth loving. Ok so he’s “beautiful” that’s not enough to make a relationship last. Why is Louis worth loving?

//ooc: This is another fairly old ask, from November, 2017. I think anon was trying to rile Lestat by calling Louis “a sad sack of a man and doesn’t really seem to be worth loving.” Limiting him to just being “beautiful.” And while it is fun to rile Lestat and see how he reacts, idk… I was kind of taken aback by this and I had too many thoughts about it to have Lestat respond flippantly, which he would have. I think Lestat either gets defensive about loving Louis, or just dismisses these kinds of comments, one less person for him to compete with for Louis’ attention, lol.

TL;DR: I think when ppl ask that, part of where they may be coming from is that THEY feel like a “sad sack” who’s maybe not worth being loved, especially by the main character in a series, a flashy glittery murder machine. They worry that even if they’re loved for being “beautiful” that that really isn’t enough for a relationship, and that’s absolutely true, if we’re defining beauty as superficial characteristics. The beauty of Louis, to me, is in his character, and the emotions of the scene.

I’ve written a lot about what draws me, as a reader, to love Louis, probably the best stuff is in my #we appreciate and love louis in this house tag. But I’ll try not to go overboard and answer you here, anyway!

I think the deal with describing Louis as *~SO beautiful~* is partly that, hey, it’s fun to do, like having a favorite flower, and AR takes the opportunity to remind us of it, and put the camera on him in a scene, so we know he’s present. It also serves a purpose, we usually get at least a scrap of context about him and/or the scene:

“I glared at him, at the sharp graceful angles of his imperturbable face, […] his wide-set eyes, with their fine rich black lashes. How perfect the tender indentation of his upper lip.” -Lestat, The Tale of the Body Thief

^Let’s take this line and unpack it a little:

Lestat glares at Louis. –> Lestat is clearly pissed.

Louis’ imperturbable face –> Louis is not scared of Lestat being pissed.

And then Lestat lavishes this extra description on him, appreciatively. Attention on the lip area, now we’re picturing him pointedly staring there, which might precede a kiss, so we can infer that Lestat desperately wants to kiss him, probably. What I get from all that is the exquisite tension of Lestat wanting someone he can’t have, someone he treasures and wants even MORE bc of the difficulty.

It’s the tension of Lestat and other characters pining for Louis that AR wrings every drop out for us, she’s showing us how helpless these other characters are that they can only try to capture Louis with descriptions since he defies being owned by anyone. Unrequited love is a powerful thing.

Bringing these back, in case anyone else missed them and want to indulge in some Louis praise/discussion:

The first anon in this series: Honestly I can’t believe how gay everyone was for Louis ask and my response

“Louis rant” anon here.

A recent Louis canon hair fanart and commentary

Reply to an anon re: “fanon has cast Louis as a beautiful, frail flower destined and carried by Lestat’s will”

Anon grateful for “that whole “gay for Louis” ask reminded me of how much I love Louis” and my invitation to anyone to send rants about loving Louis (or any VC character!)

Also somewhat relevant: thoughts on Louis having a living lineage.

So, re: Anon might be identifying with Louis:

We can find ourselves slipping into the characters we love and identify with. Some ppl find Lestat relatable in his lust for life, self-centeredness, refusal to quit, constantly screwing up and berating himself in the narrative (but rarely being able to outright apologize to those he hurts)… a flawed character for sure but an inspiring one.

I think some ppl who relate to Louis and feel less flashy, less glamorous, there’s smtg very appealing about how such a character could be so idolized by the more flashy and glamorous one. What could such a *rockstar* like Lestat find attractive in Louis?? You said yourself Louis is a sad sack. And yes, beauty is not enough to keep a relationship going. But, as I mentioned above, Louis’ beauty is often described in a context that charges it with the emotions of the scene. At least to my reading, there’s more conveyed than just eye color.

Still, why wouldn’t Lestat demand someone who was more like himself?

But here’s the thing I think a lot of ppl miss when they’ve only seen movie!IWTV, or only read a few of the books.

^Louis & Lestat by @garama

I personally believe that Lestat sees in Louis a similarly wounded soul with a lust for life. At their core, neither really want to die. Louis kept getting into fights with ppl bc he couldn’t kill himself as a mortal. Lestat has stubbornly refused to die his entire life and has had plenty of reason to want death. They’ve both almost killed themselves and been brought back. There’s a similar torment in them dealing with their natures.

As an anon put it so eloquently: “I think ppl forget that Louis is just as passionate and vengeful as Lestat, it’s just that he isn’t as vocal or showy about it. He’s more intimate and intense.”

The way they communicate/express themselves, and the way they practice self-care is vastly different. Lestat builds up his beautiful shell with retail therapy, redecorating and refurbishing his dwellings, and attending all kinds of shows and making elaborate plans with his kills, just spoiling himself silly. Always down for indulging his senses. He’s chasing new experiences, learning the new slang, trying to keep himself in the latest fashions. Novelty.

Louis prefers his nights at home, low-drama, in his own creature comforts, with his books and poetry to escape into. We don’t know much of what he’s read but he seems to want to spend eternity reading. What is reading? Even if it’s nonfiction, it’s learning, being told a story, being more informed. It’s novelty, too. Escapism through the imagination.

And their personalities seem to complement each other. Lestat’s lust for adventure spices up Louis’ otherwise too-calm existence. Louis’ calm and dignified manner brings Lestat back down to earth when he gets too untethered. Their bickering is bc they care for each other, can see beneath each other’s disguises. Louis sees the frightened boy inside the frustration that makes Lestat lash out and attack first. Lestat sees the potential in Louis of someone who, if he could get over his inhibitions, could experience so much more in his life.

When AR was kind of RPing as Lestat in her #Fan Questions for Lestat series, she was asked smtg similar:

“…but if I did have to choose, the companion would be Louis. My longest most enduring friendship and love affair in this world was with Louis. And though his limitations can be maddening, they can also be as inspiring to me as his virtues… the best choices we make are not always the wise choices. Sometimes they are intensely emotional choices. And I’ve always had a deep Romantic respect for emotion. My love for Louis transcends wisdom. And I may need the pain as much as the consolation that an eternal relationship with Louis would involve.“

^This is one of those moments I talk about where I feel like she recaptures the old magic, taps into the vein (pun intended) that got us all addicted to this series in the first place. Why I can’t just discard the crackier later books. She’s not all that specific here, but it’s believable. At least, to me. Lestat admits that Louis’ limitations (and this can be so many things, things Lestat disagrees with him about as well as things Louis refuses to do) can be maddening, and inspiring.

And he admits that his love for Louis transcends wisdom. That may be a cop-out answer, but I’ve felt that kind of love in my life. Inexplicably bound to someone, despite the math of the personalities not seeming to mesh.

Love works in mysterious ways. Even for beautiful sad sacks and the arrogant bastards who love them

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