#oh wait. its because I didn't actually emotionally process any of it. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ghostatas · 7 months

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OK, theory time Bois (except its not a real theory it's just a cool idea and I want angst)

So we all basically think those black and green structures are like portals right, or some way to communicate with another dimension?

What if, eventually, each parent has to go into a ring/portal as a trial (like quackity said ooc) and face something- whether this leads to the eggs or not is up yo you to decide

This trial can be anything, but my main ideas for it is it shows them

1. Their past,

2. A possible future (most likely where the eggs are dead/ doomsday or something of the likes),

3. Themselves- something like where they have to fight an exact copy of themselves and try to find a way to beat them (which, BTW, is great for character growth and is anime protagnist as FUCK and sounds cool as shit- can't be done for etoiles tho cuz none of the admins can imitate his pvp skill LOL- but off track)

ANYWAYS, onto the main point, FITMC

Fit motherfucking MC, gets the first option of seeing his past.

2b2t, the place he tried so hard to escape. Oh boy. (It'll only be a replica, he still can't use hacks, there's no one there and there's very minute differences but he's too out of it to realise :] )

When he first enters the portal, it takes him a few seconds to truly realise where he is, but when he does he fucking CRUMBLES. That man's walls break faster than my will to live. He immediately starts panicking, and his panic even overpowers his worry about ramon for a second. Its all just 'I can't be back here, I tried so hard to leave, anywhere but here, please'

I feel like his time at Quesadilla Island softened him, distanced him from his past and made it easier to ignore all the shit he's been through. He became happy, he was safe and he was doing good! Still very emotionally constipated and just not even processing the trauma he's experienced as trauma, but as good as he can be despite that. So when he realises he's back in 2b2t all those decades of shit he's been through comes crashing down all at fucking once. So yeah, he goes through it.

His first instinct is to make one of those tiny, reinforced obsidian and hide. Once he's in he just sits down and... tries to process. Tries.

It takes him a very long while to calm down, but only to think properly. The only thing that gets him to stop panicking about his own situation is trying to find ramon, or any clues, because GOD FORBID ramon is also trapped in here, it's the only thing worse than being there himself.

From there he can think more clearly. He has a goal so he pushes all the other shit back down and locks it up for later- he's got his boy to find. At this point he realises there's none of the usual explosions or noise that's usually very common in 2b2t, he checks and sees his hack client is not working still so yeah, odd. He's still very shaken and more vigilant than usual, but he can actually go out and investigate and think now so he goes and does that.

Does he find Ramon? Idk, I didn't think this far.

Well, I did, but maybe not the way I would want it to go. Imagine he finds Ramon, who's fighting a shit tone of mobs. Fit's just desperate to get him to safety, so he doesn't get much time to actually look over his boy or talk to him or anything. Maybe there's a time limit on how long they can stay in this dimension or something, but the portal back is not too far away and it is slowly getting smaller and smaller.

Fit is leading Ramon to the portal, all the while fending off the barage of mobs. Ramon, thankfully, gets to the portal in time, safely. Everyone's at spawn waiting for them, looking over Ramon and making sure he's OK.

Fit does not make it in time.

He is stuck in 2b2t for the foreseeable future, and he can do nothing but wait, just like he always does. Just waiting. Waiting.

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whispering-about-the-tmnt · 3 months

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For the ask thing:

How long have you been writing whump?

What was the first fandom you wrote whump for?

Share one of your favorite whumpy scenes that you have written.

How long have you been writing whump?

I have a hard time actually answering that, because for as long as I have been writing stories, I have been writing about people getting hurt. Yeah, sad... I know. But conflict has to come from somewhere, right? It has at least been since the mid-1980s, though. I remember watching Star Trek at my aunt's house and it was the episode "Specter Of The Gun", where Chekov got "killed". And I, nine years old or so, of course had a crush on Chekov, so I very much wanted to write my own story where he gets hurt, but then managed to rescue himself... so I borrowed my aunt's typewriter and wrote it!

So, I suppose the answer is... four decades, give or take?

What was the first fandom you wrote whump for?

Ah, see, I am not going to go with Star Trek on this, even though that was the first one I wrote. This question is about fandom, and I wasn't in any fandoms way back then (no internet, of course, and I was too young for zines and the like), so I am going to go ahead and say it was TMNT, back in my Stealthy Stories days in the late 1990s. The fic is called Displaced, and I wrote it down in a notebook for my dad several years before posting it online. I am actually in the process of re-editing it and putting it up on AO3. As for the whump factor, poor Donnie doesn't have the best few days in it...

Share one of your favorite whumpy scenes that you have written.

Oh, God... I gotta choose between my children?

Okay, since I got this ask on a TMNT blog, I'll skip scenes from my Hobbit stuff. But if you are interested in them, Collapse has both a bit of physical and a lot of emotional, and The Standing Stone Of The Sigin Tarag, which is unfortunately on permanent hiatus, does a number on Fili both physically and emotionally, as well.... plus Fili has a really, really bad night in And The Water Woke Him.

Where was I? Oh, TMNT. I have a lot, really, but Something Wicked is just loaded with whump, and the chapter I am currently editing is a biggie in that regard... but it is honestly hard for me to pick out one passage. So, in the interest of just getting it done, I'll choose an early one, from chapter four...

Spoiler warning, if you please...

It moved swiftly, grabbing Mike by the side of the neck. This time it didn't squeeze, it lifted him, then brought him down hard, slamming his forehead into the corner of the concrete ledge. Mike saw a flash of light, felt the skin on his brow split; then the thing drew the Turtle's face close to its own, as if scrutinizing its work. It snarled, then lifted him and struck his brow against the concrete once more. Michelangelo's thoughts grew hazy, and the creature pushed him back against the wall on the other side of the tunnel. Mike somehow managed to stay upright on his unsteady legs, leaning back against the curved concrete as his knees weakened below him. Staring at the creature past the blood that was now seeping into his eyes, he straightened up as much as he was able, defiantly locking gazes with the monster, waiting for it to come at him one last time… waiting for it to grab him, to choke him, to tear his flesh… waiting for it to do something… anything… Far away, he heard his brothers hollering again. The creature glanced in their direction, then it slowly turned and lumbered off down the opposite way. Mike watched the thing until it vanished into the shadows, then he took a step towards his brothers' voices; but as soon as his shell left the support of the wall, he stumbled and fell forward, landing face-down in the water. He tried to lift his head, tried to push himself up with his weakened arms so he could raise his face above the surface, but he had no strength left in him, and his lungs were beginning to burn… …Hold your breath… He closed his eyes, trying despite the pain and panic to find some quiet place in his mind, trying to fight back the need for air… …Hold your breath… His brothers were somewhere nearby, their voices were growing closer… they would be there soon… if he could just keep himself from breathing until they got there… until they found him… …Hold your damn breath…

Thanks for the ask!

#writing #fanfic #tmnt #whump #ask #ask game

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eric-the-bmo · 2 years

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Tysm for the ask about my OC Isaac- I was so happy when I saw it. So this is an ask about your OCs! I've seen quite a few posts of yours tagged with Ceremorph vibes- who are they? 👀

Also I just love hearing about other people's OCs in general. Feel free to use this ask to rant about like. Any OC you want :D

hi hi hello!! aaa ok so! let me explain the tag system i've got real quick! It's always "[character name] vibes," to show that it kind of has? the vibes of one of my OCs, in a sense. (they're almost all dnd ocs because that's my special interest ig) This might be incoherent because I don't know how to talk about my characters in a way that makes sense but here we go!

(woahoho, old-ish art! ^)

Ceremorph is one of my villain ocs! It originally started as an AU version of one of my other characters, Ven- that AU was based on the idea of "what if he embraced his magic instead of being afraid of it?" and then oops! Ceremorph eventually became its own character in Ven's canon story. Because they're so entwined with each other (quite literally), I have to talk about Ven for a short moment.

oh wait uh quick CW for kidnapping, talk of parasites, starvation(?), cannibalism, loss of bodily autonomy/possession

Ven is a human who got kidnapped by illithids and was put through the process of ceremorphosis- it's the process of how illithids reproduce, where they lay a clutch of eggs which hatch into tadpoles. The tadpoles cannibalize each other for a while, before eventually being inserted into a suitable host. They latch onto the brainstem (or eat through the brain? not sure) to take over the mind, and slowly, the host's body changes into the body of an illithid. Ven had a tadpole inserted into his eye, it latched onto his brain stem, and perhaps this was a new experiment the illithids were doing or perhaps something went wrong, but the transformation didn't happen correctly. Ven was found two months after his disappearance, still looking like a human but with no memories of his past. What he did have, however, was a parasite in his brain and the new ability to cast magic- of course, he didn't know about that.

Ceremorph is the source of Ven's magic and has all of Past Ven's memories, but is aware that those aren't its own- in fact, it hates Ven's wife because she stirs up all of the emotions Ven had felt towards her, and Cere is very emotionally repressed and doesn't like that At All. Its people aren't very big on emotions, and it carries itself with a logical and manipulative coolness, though it can have a flair for theatrics and can be prone to anger. Cere, like all illithids, eat brains for the psionic energy, and the hungrier Cere gets, the more... feral/ less sentient it gets.

Currently, Ceremorph can observe almost everything Ven does from inside his brain- it occasionally takes a step back if things get boring, but it Watches. Cere can also take over Ven's body, but almost never does this when Ven is awake, and prefers to do it when he's asleep so it can be passed off as sleepwalking. Given how Cere can mimic Ven really well, the reason it doesn't take over when Ven is awake is due to the fact Ven himself would question the gaps in his memory, possibly causing Cere to be discovered. Also because as good as an actor Cere is, it's not perfect- it dislikes touch, and some of its mannerisms and movements are off. Despite being hidden, Cere talks to Ven: as far as Ven is concerned, it's just his anxiety or part of his subconcious. Cere was actually the one who pushed Ven to unlock their magical abilities- Cere was thrilled at the magic finally being unlocked, and Ven was horrified over the fact he tore a man apart with sorcery he didn't even know he had.

There are some scenes I'm excited for, actually: Ven is currently travelling, and locks the door from the outside so he can't leave while he's "sleepwalking." Eventually, perhaps some other characters will wake up to hear Ven's voice asking them to open the door, please, why don't you? Another scene is where Cere's hunger finally gets the best of it, causing it to take over Ven's body while he's awake and attacking a low-level antagonist, smashing open their skull with magic and devouring their brain in front of Ven's friends. Cere unintentionally reveals itself, and Ven has to wake up and realize he's committed an act of cannibalism, there's a parasite in his brain, and oh yeah! He's becoming a monster that can only live if it kills others.

And of course!!! If Ven ever dies, Ceremorph will in fact take over his corpse!! I don't know what it's planning, but it will absolutely form a cult, and Ophelia will have to fight the monster that looks like and can almost perfectly mimic her dead wife.

Since it's a dnd villain npc, I truly don't know what it's planning. Where does it try to go at night when it's not hunting? Why did it form a cult?

I had a whole paragraph talking about the seperate physical differences Ven and Cere are drawn with (sharp teeth, webbed claws and ears, etc). but even then Ven gains all those traits once his body starts to change. The floating hair is difficult, since Ven has that when he uses his magic, and Cere really only starts to float off the ground once it realizes it doesn't have to pretend to be Ven anymore and can use its magic however it wants. I'd argue the glasses, but Cere wears those when pretending to be Ven (although Ven!Cere's glasses always have a lense flare to hide its eyes). It's all a wild mix.

(behold! quasi-illithid Ven, he's not doing okay ^)

I have no idea if that was? Making sense? I'm aware there's not much to it, it's just a typical dnd villain, but I have a lot of fun with it- Cere is surprisingly easy to joke about

Anyway this probably didn;t make sense and it is! 12am now, oh goodness

but yeah i just think it's cool and tbh i made Cere bc I wanted a self-indulgent au for myself where my nervous poet was a very dangerous and pretty villain

any-vay goodnight, it's so so very cool someone's intrigued by my ocs, thank you ☆

#dont even get me started on apollo #he has a 40 masterdoc #ceremorph vibes #eric finally speaks #ask answered #sorry if this was poorly written #i dnot know how to desrcibe character personalities

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kitsu-katsu · 3 years

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About revived (by Derivakat)

(Disclaimer: Nothing against Derivakat, I think her songs are amazing in general and she's very talented, I simply have a bone to pick with these lyrics and characterization)

So um, here's my counter to some of the lyrics because fuck it, I'm tired and fueled by spite, let's go:

Let's start with the chorus:

"White streak in my hair but no stress now" - Funnily incorrect, cc!Wilbur confirmed that the white hair is from stress itself, it's not about the revival process alone. Also just by reasoning, I cannot imagine what might have been stressful about spiralling and believing that the world is out to crush you, believing that you're the scum of the Earth as well, only to die, spend 13 and half years in dark isolation and then being jolted back up to life missing huge chunks of information, really cannot fathom how that might be stressful /s

"I've seen hell, but this is a bit more my style" - True you know? It's awesome that he's said that he's over the moon about being alive again after spending 13 and a half years of pure isolation in the dark, screming until his throat was hoarse. But coming from the tone of it, I'd like to point out that Wilbur's also still passively suicidal and self harms (check out the part under "He doesn't love TNT, he self-harms with it" in this post)

"A decade of time to make everything mine" (also counts for "This is my sunrise, this is my dawn, this is what I've waited for all along. All of this time, all this is mine. MINE. MINE. MINE!")- Honestly, based on what he's been doing, no prejudices, forget everything fandom's said: he doesn't really seem to want to "make everything his", does he? This perception mostly comes from him saying "This is my sunrise, this is mine!" in the original revival stream, however, if you forget about common fandom perception, what's so evilly framed about a guy who spent 13 and a half years of isolation in the dark saying "this is my sunrise!" after watching the sun coming up again for the first time since his death, in which he was extremely emotionally unstable? Like for real?

Now onto the verses:

"Am I the bad guy? I'll be the bad guy again" and "I've come back hell-bent" - Now, he has said that: “Here’s the thing, Tommy. I, I, I, I know I was bad, and I know I can redeem myself, but like, you know, there’s a little bit of fun in being bad, you know, we’ve spoken about this.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 11:31, 5th May), BUT, since then he's also expressed genuine remorse for his worse actions during Pogtopia (check out the parts under "He really regrets what happened in Pogtopia" and "Wilbur cares. A LOT" in this post), a wanting to redeem himself and truly become better and... uh... OH! He's also admitted that he's afraid he scares people and cried when Ranboo said that he was "an alright person". For real, just watch the Healthy Competition stream and read this reddit post by cc!Wilbur

The reddit post in question, just in case:

"You think I cared? It was always a means to an end" - So false. Just... so false. Ok, so quick one, let's review the actual lines said originally about him "not caring for L'manburg" in full:

“Uh, one thing, I didn’t actually really care about L'Manberg, I just cared about, you know, sticking it to the man. Actually, I cared about L'Manberg for the sole reason that I could use it to stick it to the man.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 24:18, 5th May)

“Look, I- Okay, I said it wrong. Look, I did care about- I did care about L'Manberg, but I cared about it for- You would call it the wrong reasons, but I, I- Just don’t think about it, don’t think about it too hard. Look, L'Manberg’s gone now, we’ve got that, you know- That, that wart on my side is gone, you know. I salute it, I salute it, you know, it was a great- It was a great place.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 25:18, 5th May)

“Look, Tommy, I’m gonna reiterate for you once more because I don’t think you quite understood, and that’s okay, you know, you don’t need to understand everything. I did care about L'Manberg. I did, I did. A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet, Tommy. L'Manberg would have been as loved by me had it been called Bimbum and was built in the middle of the desert.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 26:05, 5th May)

“The actual location, and the actual things it was, it were, were not important to me. It’s the thing it stood for. Which was freedom, liberty, and sticking it to the man, Tommy!” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 26:26, 5th May)

“We were a family, Tommy. We were…” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 27:26, 5th May)

So as you may see, he retracts himself immediately and explains his feelings with more nuance

Then, let's look at the more recent confession to Ranboo:

“I told Tommy that I didn’t actually care about L'Manberg, and that it was just like a tool for me to use to gain like, you know, power and stuff. But it’s not, it’s not true.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:36, 3rd Aug)

“L'Manberg is- was really important to me. And it is still to this day.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:47, 3rd Aug)

“I want it to, em, I want its history to live on not as a stain caused by me, you know. I basically just took a big shit on the history books, it feels like. I wanna, I wanna make it, I wanna make it feel like it was, you know, it was something that happened. You know, it was a great thing, you know, think of the good times. The- The years of safety. Well, not years, but you know.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 26:47, 3rd Aug)

If this got more explicit I'd be literally hitting you over the head with it. Anyway, check out the parts under "Wilbur cared. A LOT" and "He really cared and cares about L'Manburg, and didn't want its ideals twisted to hur others with" in this post

"So who cares? So what? I'm not calming down" and "Shut up! And listen" - “Tommy, shut up! I mean, Tommy, come over here. Tommy, come over here, come over here, man. It’s cool, it’s cool, it’s cool. Sorry, I, I-” (Alivebur)

– (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 26:08, 31st May)

That line's totality gets often cut down, erasing the immediate apology after the loss of cool. Furthermore, I'd argue that him "not calming down" in general is mainly due to his euphoria and overexcitement during certain scenes where it makes complete sense for him to be feeling like that, and in a broader sense, he has a tendency to say things in the heat of the moment and out of impulsivity that he turns to later regret from all the way back at Pogtopia. Him not calming down now is either out of impulsivity or outright euphoria to be out of limbo, not necessarily an evil thing. And when he percieves he should calm down, he tries his best to do it, or apologizes for snapping

“I’m sorry I wasn’t, you know, entirely on the same page. But, man, I promise you, I’ve calmed down, you know, I’m all, I’m all settled in. I understand, you know, what’s changed, what hasn’t, who’s new, who’s old, you know, who’s still about, you know, who… Who, uh… uh… Who trusts me and stuff.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 15:04, 3rd Aug)

“I relived that explosion in my head so many times man. And, and, and I- I get that you don’t, you don’t trust me, I do, but like, man, look at me, bro, I’m not gonna do it again. I’m not gonna- I’m not gonna hurt you again.” - (Wilbur’s A Year Later: 21:21, 3rd Aug)

(Check out the parts under "Wilbur cares. A LOT", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character", "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character", "He hesitated regarding the button tons of times" and "He feels inhuman. He knows that people see him as a freak, evil or crazy and that makes him feel dehumanized" in this post)

"There's nothing wrong with me" - BUDDY. Wilbur drowns in self-hatred, what are you talking about? The man got caught off guard and cried when someone said "you're an alright person"... He's worried that he scares people, he knows how others see him on top of his own self-hatred

“TommyInnit, as you know, is just, he thinks I’m insane. I’m not insane, chat, I’m not insane.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 4:30, 16th Oct)

“See, I’m not so crazy, Tommy. I know what I’m doing.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 16:40, 16th Oct)

“I’ve told you, I’m not crazy, Tommy. I know what I’m doing, and this is genuinely the best thing we could do right now.” - (Wilbur’s The Festival: 17:18, 16th Oct)

“I’m not crazy! How am I crazy?!” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 43:18, 17th Oct)

“Everyone I seem to meet has this deep intrisnic feeling of disgust towards me. Jack Manifold seemed to be quite nice to me, but I reckon he, I could feel it, you know, in his stare. But like, you don’t have that. I can tell you’re a good guy.” - (Wilbur’s resurrected gentleman of L'manburg: 30:24, 5th May)

“Quackity, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve, I’ll be honest you with you, I’ve lost everything, man. I, um. I’ve lost decades of my life. I’ve lost my- most of the people who cared about me. Some people don’t even know I’m back yet, and I, and I think that’s probably for the best. So I feel like that does humble a man. That really humbles a man, you know?” – (Wilbur’s A Deck of Cards with a Green Smile on them: 1:00:52, 31st May)

“Listen, Phil, I met, I met Quackity. After you very kindly lent me your house. I went and met him. Yeah! I met up with him, and I hadn’t seen him in ages. It was, I’m gonna say it, it was nice. It was a nice time. I- I- It felt good, it felt, uh, you know, he didn’t, he didn’t seem afraid of me, which is cool.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 7:38, 25th July)

“Not many people do. I mean, Phil, you don’t seem afraid of me, you’re not afraid of me, are you, Phil?” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 8:03, 25th July)

“Good, good. 'Cause I’m not afraid of you.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 8:10, 25th July)

“Why? Why? … No, no, no, no, no, not the, not the bit about the, not the bit about the right foot, the why don’t you think I’m a bad person?” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 35:13, 25th July)

“Can I be real with you, man? I think I scare people.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 36:30, 25th July)

“I mean, like I, I, I, I don’t think I, I- I think a lot of people share your idea, but they share your idea in trying to- trying to keep me from hurting them, you know? Like they’ve seen what I can do, and they don’t want me to do it again, so they adopt your emotion in order to do it.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 36:46, 25th July)

“Dream is- He’s had his comeuppance, and I have not! My comeuppance was apparently not good enough for this people. They’re just waiting, they’re waiting for the next thing for me to slip up on, and, Ranboo, I’m not gonna fucking slip up, Ranboo. I’m different.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 38:07, 25th July)

“I’m living in eternal limbo, again. I’ve been through limbo, I’m out of limbo, and socially, I’m still in this limbo.” - (Wilbur’s Healthy Competition: 38:36, 25th July)

(Check out the parts under "He feels inhuman. He knows that people see him as a freak, evil or crazy and that makes him feel dehumanized", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character" and "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character" in this post)

"Oh yes, I blew up the nation!" (said with glee) - I make a point of the tone in this specific line, because I could make a point of the tone in the whole song, but this line is a good example. He didn't blow up L'manburg just with glee like "hell yeah! I did it!". Of course he talks about it with pride sometimes, but it's usually either said in the middle of the same impulsive moments in which he'd claim he doesn't care, said with relief of him having control over at least that situation (like him sighing right after doing it just to ask Phil to finish it off by killing him), or said with the same deflection with which he'd claim that not having a grave didn't affect him and was badass actually since he only wanted it for the hateful obituaries anyway (which was a lie, and he admitted it on the third of august stream when saying "I was so pressed about not having a grave" in case you had doubts)

Finally, I want to make emphasis on the fact that: The explosion on the 16th had two main drives behind it and they often get glossed over. The first objectivee was blowing it up and causing just enough destruction to get L'manburg back (You know, when Wilbur still had some kind of hope). After his spiral went further and his paranoia and self-loathing worsened, his two drives become apparent: First was blowing it up to rid the world of the twisted thing L'manburg became, ridding the world of what the twisted version of his ideals became with Schlatt in control of them. Secondly, he wanted to end L'manburg as a part of himself and rid the world of himself completely (by this I'm referencing his suicide), he decided he wanted to die and expected that as a result since a lot of time before the 16th. The explosion was effectively a bigger projection of his suicide, rid the world of both himself and his creation, mixed with his constant desire to protect, it also becomes "rid the world of the corrupted version of L'manburg that became Manburg", because for all intents and purposes, since the important thing about L'manburg was its founding ideals, L'manburg had been dead for a long time at that point.

“Yesterday I had the perfect opportunity to blow everything up and finally end it, you know. I had the perfect opportunity to finally blow up everything and end it and just completely save everyone, right, from the tyranny of Schlatt and the tyranny of the existence of Manberg and L’Manberg, right.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 25:17, 17th Oct)

“Explain it to me! Give me a reason! Give me a reason!” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 26:50, 17th Oct)

“Who else is it gonna hurt?! It’s gonna hurt Schlatt, Manberg, and-” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 26:55, 17th Oct)

“Why did I bring- I should have just done it. I’m such a fucking showman. I should have just done it.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 27:18, 17th Oct)

“No you two can escape, I’ll be the… I’ll- I’ll- I’ll be… I’ll be trapped in here…” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 27:27, 17th Oct)

“I just- I just want to f… I just wanna end it, I wanna end it. I wanna press that button, man.” - (Wilbur’s Speedy Stream Festival What festival: 28:08, 17th Oct)

(Check out the parts under "Wilbur cares. A LOT", "Paranoia and distrustfulness are integral parts of his character", "Self-loathing and self-sabotage are also integral parts of his character", "He hesitated regarding the button tons of times", "He really cared and cares about L'Manburg, and didn't want its ideals twisted to hur others with", and "He really regrets what happened in Pogtopia" in this post)

#tw self harm mention #tw suicide mention #wilbur #wilbur soot #c!wilbur #wilbur dsmp #revived #revivedbur #alivebur #revived wilbur #derivakat revived #fandom critical #dsmp #dream smp #analysis #c!wilbur analysis

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xsugarysweetsx · 4 years

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Bam! Im gonna hit you with more various Honoka hcs.

⁃ So when Noka was a baby, neither her dad or Shirou knew what the hell to do with her wings.

⁃ Her first word was "Siro" which was exposed to be "Shirou"

⁃ She would fly around and their dad would make Shirou chase her down.

⁃ When Shirou and Noka were taken in by their uncle, he just slept and let her do whatever.

⁃ Their uncle, also known as Eraserhead, was a very kind guardian

⁃ He went to each of Shirou's ballet concerts, and did Noka's hair for picture day

⁃ If you looked through his search history it would be filled with "how to do a braid for beginners"

⁃ Aizawa bought Noka various art supplies and bought Shirou new shoes whenever they needed them

⁃ Didnt want them to become heroes

⁃ Cause he didnt want to see the two children he practically raised to be hurt

⁃ But because of their ties to All for One, the government forced both of them to become heros to "prove" that they had severed their bonds with All for One

⁃ Shirou's dream was to become a professional dancer and Noka's was to become a professional artist

⁃ And Aizawa was not happy that the two lights in his life were torn from their dreams

⁃ And so Shirou got accepted into the hero program, in class 1-A

⁃ He chose the hero name Shifter

⁃ Cause he could shift into any organic form

⁃ When he got 3rd place at the sports festival, Noka ran around her uncle's apartment screaming with joy

⁃ Noka is literally his biggest fan

⁃ Noka's first friend was a small purple haired boy name Hitoshi Shinsou

⁃ So naturally, she called him Toshi

⁃ And she refused to call him anything else all throughout middle and high school

⁃ Shinsou and Noka have sleepovers all the time and you can't tell me otherwise

⁃ When people would tell Shinsou that his quirk was villainous, Noka would always speak up cause she knew Shinsou wouldnt contradict them

⁃ Noka is always like that

⁃ Speaking up for others and herself. And her smart mouth tends to get her in trouble

⁃ Shinsou would fuss over Noka's wings. Like if they were dirty or a few feathers were out of place, Shinsou would sit her down and fix her wings.

⁃ "Toshi, your inner mom is showing"

⁃ "Its not my fault you cant take proper care of your wings"

⁃ When she told Shinsou about her acceptance into U.A's med course, he couldn't have been prouder

⁃ Noka is actually the one who encouraged Shinsou to train with her uncle.

⁃ But before that lets talk about Noka's time at U.A. so far

⁃ She was first introduced to class 1-A during the first combat training

⁃ Healed everyone who got very minor injuries

⁃ At the USJ attack, Shigiraki deteriorated part of Noka's hip. But her extremely enhanced natural healing abilities stopped the deterioration

⁃ So she has this big ass scar on the back side of her left hip

⁃ She wanted to absolutely murder Shigiraki for letting the Nomu loose on her uncle

⁃ But she doesnt have any damaging fire power

⁃ So she just tried to heal her uncle's wounds the best she could

⁃ Nearly gets herself killed many times with her smart assery

⁃ And gives everyone around her a heart attack in the process

⁃ During the sports festival, she helped RG heal all the students

⁃ Reprimanded Deku for overusing OfA

⁃ Oh yeah, she learned about AfO and OfA from her time with All for One

⁃ Is kind of like to Deku like Recovery Girl is to All Might

⁃ So fast foward to the internships

⁃ She interns with another oc of mine, Snow

⁃ Who is a healer but with incredible attack powers

⁃ Coincidentally, Noka was patrolling Hosu when the nomus hit

⁃ She recieved Deku's distress signal and ran to the scene

⁃ She didnt attack the hero killer, but ran to help Native and made sure he didnt bleed out

⁃ The hero killer didnt bat a single eye at her, deeming her not a threat

⁃ In the end, she didnt harm Stain so her hero guardian? didnt have to take any blame for her actions

⁃ Noka however did get nearly ripped in half by a nomu, so she had to stay in the hospital with Todo and Deku

⁃ So— Summer training arc

⁃ She just looked at her class and said "fuck this" and flew over the whole forest

⁃ She actually beat the wild wild pussycats back to the camp

⁃ She got to know Kota, telling him how she never wanted to become a hero

⁃ Kota may or may not have developed a kiddie crush on her 😳

⁃ But anyways, when everyone else saw her all nice and refreshed, needless to say they were upset

⁃ Some more than others

⁃ *remembers Bakugou nearly blowing off Noka's face because she cheated*

⁃ Aizawa just smirking at his niece cause shes so much like her mother

⁃ "DAMMIT TAKAHASHI. YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE YOU CHEATER"

⁃ "They said to use our quirks. Its not my fault your quirk is too grounded"

⁃ "WHAT— YOU WANNA FIGHT—"

⁃ "No I wanna eat, goodbye—"

⁃ Focuses on her attack and the healing capabilities of her quirk

⁃ Let me set the scene

⁃ At the beginning of UA, our Noka could barely heal up a small cut

⁃ But now, she can close up major wound with little to no effort

⁃ P r o g r e s s people

⁃ N e ways

⁃ So when they do the haunted quirk thingy

⁃ Hairi and Noka are paired up, to their delight

⁃ But they aren't able to go into the forest before the attack happens

⁃ Apparently, the league came for Bakugou and Noka

⁃ Cause the "master" wanted his first nomu to return to him

⁃ But all Deku knew was "they are after Kacchan and the master's first Nomu"

⁃ Nobody knew who the first nomu was except for Noka

⁃ See, AfO took and gave Noka various quirks, eventually ending up with her current quirk(s)

⁃ Eventually, Noka is cornered by Dabi

⁃ His fire power vastly out matches hers

⁃ But she puts up one hell of a fight

⁃ And Kurogiri took her before she woke up and fought back even more

⁃ So everyone was panicking when they couldnt find Noka

⁃ Aizawa was panicking them most

⁃ His precious niece was missing, no, taken by the league

⁃ The students had never seen their teacher so frazzled

⁃ The thing that broke Aizawa more was the look on Shirou's face when he told him that his baby sister was missing

⁃ His precious baby sister

⁃ His whole world

⁃ Shirou didnt go out of his room for days

⁃ He was there when they were to save Bakugou and Noka

⁃ All Might fought AfO, and won

⁃ But there was no sign of Noka

⁃ Shirou nearly tackled Bakugou, demanding, no, more like pleading for him to tell him where she was

⁃ Bakugou merely said "She's gone, and I dont know where she went"

⁃ The whole class was in a panic

⁃ Where was Noka? Was she hurt? Was she scared? Was she in danger?

⁃ And the question that hung on everyone's mind the most was

⁃ Is she alive?

⁃ The emptiness of Noka's desk was deafening

⁃ Their smart ass classmate was nowhere to be found

⁃ And they all felt guilty

⁃ But none more than Bakugou

⁃ For he was the last to see her alive so to speak

⁃ And her last words to him were "Forget about me ya big oaf, you hear me? I don't want you sulking, or I'll personally beat your ass."

⁃ Forget about her? How could he do that?

⁃ Noka was the only person who didn't put up with his bullshit

⁃ From day one she put him in his place

⁃ And honestly shes the closest thing to a sister he has

⁃ During the hero license exam, all of class 1-A decided that Noka would be really upset if they all sulked and failed their exams

⁃ But the fact that only Todoroki and Bakugou failed would make her fall into hysterics

⁃ When class 1-A met the big three, Mirio told them that Noka was strong and stubborn to a fault, so they shouldnt worry about things that arent in their control

⁃ To which they asked how he knew her

⁃ Apparently Shirou, Amajiki, and Mirio have all been friends since elementary school

⁃ So Amajiki and Mirio had been there a lot for many crucial parts of Noka's childhood

⁃ When the work studies started, Deku went on patrol with Mirio and Shirou, AKA Lemillion and Shifter

⁃ Shirou couldnt help but feel so much guilt crushing him when Eri jumped out of Deku's arms

⁃ Cause Eri reminded him of his little sister

⁃ Speaking of little sister

⁃ For the last 2 months, Noka had been experimented on by Kai Chisaki

⁃ In the mean time trying to protect Eri and building a loving friendship with the young girl

⁃ But ive alreadly talked about this part

⁃ So skipping to when they save her

⁃ It was a total shock for them

⁃ To see this wingless, pale, frail, bandage wrapped girl

⁃ And even more so when she spoke

⁃ Not having that bite that their Noka had

⁃ But a softer, more broken voice replaced her normally boisterous and confident voice

⁃ In the big battle agains Chisaki, Noka got slammed against a wall

⁃ Which in normal circumstances would be fine, but with her body in such a week state it immediately cracked her ribs and spine

⁃ Ochako helped get her friend to the ambulance as quick as she could

⁃ Shirou saw a fluff of pale pink hair out of the corner of his eye

⁃ He immediately turned to run towards the medical stretcher, but was stopped

⁃ He kicked and screamed something along the lines of "THATS MY BABY SISTER. PLEASE LET ME SEE HER"

⁃ In the most broken voice you would ever hear

⁃ In the hospital, after Sir. Nighteye had passed, Deku, Kirishima, Amajiki, Shirou, Ochako, Tsu and Aizawa were all waiting anxiously for Noka's surgery

⁃ When all of a sudden the door explodes open and the nurses and doctors are shoved out by an invisible force of heat

⁃ Noka was using her ability to set herself aflame and be healed in the ashes

⁃ But no one knew wtf was going on cause she learned the trick at the Hassaiki hideout

⁃ So p a n i k

⁃ But after the doctors confirmed her stablility, they all went back to school

⁃ The whole class bursted into tears when they told them about Noka

⁃ Jirou, Kaminari, Momo and Mina all being the most emotionally impacted

⁃ Bakugou was almost crying witb relief but he disnt show jt

⁃ They weren't allowed to see Noka for a whole month

⁃ Only family were allowed

⁃ She was hard at work recovering and going through therapy and they didnt want to disturb her

⁃ But when they (Kirishima, Deku, Ochako, and Tsu) did visit, they were shocked

⁃ There was this soft spoken, trembling, woman, and this was after a month of intense therapy

⁃ They hadnt event started physcial therapy yet, they wanted to get her tk the point she could be around others without going into a panic mode

⁃ Thus she needs the wheelchair

I have a bunch more random hcs but this is so long anyways. Im so sorry >_<

~Blurb~

It’s fine anon but seriously you gotta start posting!

#anime #fanfiction #anime x reader #bsd fandom #bsd fanfic #bts #kpop #kpop fluff #btsxreader #haikyuu x reader

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bluesey-182 · 4 years

Text

We Have To Stop Meeting Like This: Chapter 7

Chapters one, two, three, four, five, and six. fic on ao3

Notes: once again i would like to mention that when i write about seizures i’m taking from my own experience which may be different from others. i also want to mention that, though i’ve been having seizures for years now, i have never been in the hospital for them, so if i got things wrong then i’m sorry. hopefully you enjoy the update :)

--------

Early morning sunlight was streaming through the window as the soft hush of morning slowly pulled Jude from sleep. Her legs--exposed beneath Cardan's t-shirt--were tangled up in the blankets, her face smushed against her pillow that also smelled of Cardan, and overall her thoughts were taken over by Cardan, Cardan, Cardan. With eyes still closed, she rolled over in her bed and reached for him, his warmth, the comfort of his arms--only to find empty sheets.

Sitting up in a panic her open eyes confirmed what her empty hands had found: he was gone. A quick lap through the apartment turned up empty of black haired, black eyed boys, and the truth settled in like a stone in her stomach. He had left. Last night meant nothing if he left. Last night was just a one-night stand if he left. Last night was nothing.

Jude would not cry. She wouldn't. This was stupid. Hadn't she been trying to convince herself last night that it was just sex? Nothing more? So why now, when Cardan was proving it, did it hurt so bad?

Back in her room, Jude collapsed onto her bed. She was sore--physically after last night and now emotionally as well. She didn't know what to do with herself as she tucked her knees up under her chin and stared at her wall. When her phone buzzed against the nightstand she reached for it absentmindedly. The text read: i had a test this morning and didn't want to wake you. see you later though????

Oh. Oh.

So he hadn't just left. Last night wasn't nothing then. Right?

Jude texted back: how did you go to school if i'm wearing your shirt

Cardan replied instantly. His test must be over already. i went in the nude ;). lol jk i just wore my hoodie, he said.

Jude found herself smiling like an idiot. when are you finished with school for the day?

Cardan: getting in my car now. Why?

Jude: come back over?

Her phone was silent for several minutes. Anxiety built in Jude's chest until she couldn't sit still anymore. She wandered around the apartment and went through the motions of her morning routine but still her phone didn't ring. She made herself some toast that she burned in her daze but still her phone didn't ring. She choked on a piece of her over cooked toast and still her phone didn't ring.

When a knock came at the door she figured it was Taryn coming home from last night. She was too tired and too happy to deal with the fight that was sure to come but reluctantly opened the door. Instead of Taryn, though, someone much taller stood in the doorway. Her gaze followed the body up, up, up, until it settled on the gorgeous face of a gorgeous boy with gorgeous eyes looking at her like they could devour her.

"Hi," she said lamely.

"Hi," Cardan teased back.

"I was waiting for you to text me."

"And I was driving to see a beautiful girl."

"Oh, well let me know when you get there."

"Behave."

"Or what?"

"Or I'll have to take my shirt back, which would be a shame considering you look better in it than I do."

“I suppose you want it back,” she said, looking down at the fabric consuming her.

“I was just about to tell you to keep it.” His eyes were burning when she looked into them. Had it not been for how gently he held her last night, the intensity of that look would make her stomach stir. As it was, she found herself wanting to curl back up in his arms again.

For the first time since she answered the door she became aware of the chill from outside. A thin dusting of snow covered the ground and, if the sky was any indicator, it looked like it would snow again before the day was over. Exposed as she was, she shivered.

Cardan, looking concerned, ran his palms along her arms in an attempt to bring some warmth back into her. “Here, let’s go inside,” he said, ushering her through the door and sliding it closed behind him. "You're not even wearing socks?! Girl, what's wrong with you?" But before Jude could answer Cardan had her swept up in his arms like she weighed nothing and he was carrying her to the couch where he set her down and pulled a blanket around her. Flopping down, he joined her, nearly laying on top of her, and curled around her so their bodies were pressed together. Jude was instantly warm in more ways than one.

"How did you sleep?" Cardan asked softly.

"Good. Really good. How about you?"

"Honestly?" He asked. "It took me awhile to fall asleep. You looked so beautiful and I couldn't stop looking at you."

"You were watching me sleep? You creep!" Jude teased as a smile and a blush consumed her face.

"Well, you were bound to find out eventually. Maybe someday you'll let me watch you shower too."

Yup, Jude was definitely warm.

"Only if you join me," she purred with a sultry tone.

"Damn. Now it's getting interesting." His voice shook ever so slightly in his response. She wanted him back where she had him last night. She wanted his bare skin against hers and his breath in her mouth and his hands all over and oh god she was in trouble. With her thoughts still spiraling into a very unwholesome place, Cardan kissed her once on the tip of her nose as his hand came up to tangle in her hair. He began tracing circles on her belly with the tips of his fingers that both tickled and excited Jude. She found herself curling her toes under the blanket he had thrown over her. "How are you feeling?" Cardan asked, concerned. Jude, on the other hand, was confused by this sudden turn in conversation.

"Fine?" She said, voice dragging the word up at the end without meaning to.

"I didn't… Did I…?" Cardan didn't seem to know how to ask whatever question he was wanting to. Jude only grew more confused. "Did I hurt you at all last night?"

What? Oh. Oh!

"You were a perfect gentleman," Jude giggled. Actually giggled. She didn’t giggle. What was wrong with her? At Jude's answer, though, Cardan visibly relaxed. "Which was surprising," she continued, "because I had you figured to be a freak in the sheets."

Cardan laughed, loud and surprised and unrestrained. “I can be, if you’d like.” His wicked smile turned her on more than she’d ever want to admit. Had it not been for the slight soreness between her legs lingering from last night, she’d tell him to prove it.

Another time, then.

“Your sister caught me leaving your room last night in my boxers.”

“Wait, Taryn’s home?!”

“Well I don’t know if she is now but she was last night when I went to use the bathroom.”

“Oh God.” Jude put her face into her hands and felt Cardan chuckle beside her.

“Still had a bit of a boner, too,” Cardan laughed.

“I hate you,” Jude said from the confines of her hands.

“No you don’t. I’m delightful.”

Jude rolled her eyes.

“Given what Taryn was saying at dinner last night she probably thinks we came here to hate-fuck your anger away.” Cardan continued to laugh. Jude wanted to punch him in the face.

“Stop talking, Cardan. Before I break your pretty little nose.”

“You think my nose is pretty?”

“Cardan!”

“Okay, okay, I surrender.” But he was still laughing. His laugh truly was a magical thing--like music or poetry or some kind of healing magic that puts one at ease. Jude thought that if she could swallow the sound like it was a pill then she’d forever be okay. His laugh, she thought, could probably save her.

Fuck the soreness from last night. Jude rolled over on top of Cardan to straddle him and his eyes instantly went dark as his hands gripped onto her hips. She leaned down and kissed him, deep and desperate and like a confession. Their lips slid together, kiss melting into kiss melting into a bite on the lower lip, and then he was carrying her back to her bedroom with her legs still wrapped around him. Jude could feel him against her thigh before he unceremoniously dropped her onto her back on her bed. He went back to kick the door closed before joining her on the bed. This time when she put him on his back, he stayed there.

By the time Cardan went home that night, Jude was exhausted and even more sore than she had been before. He kissed her goodbye on her forehead, made some teasing comment about the way she was walking funny, and then slipped out the door. A text from him alerted her when he got home and they texted back and forth until Jude finally drifted off to sleep--wishing he was next to her.

--------

The next several days went by in a blur. School continued to kill Jude with its workload, the weather continued to be shitty and full of snow storms, Jude and Taryn largely ignored each other. Jude hardly slept, and when she did, she had nightmares that woke her in a cold sweat. Nightmares that, upon waking, she immediately forgot.

On Friday she woke to the heat down too low and the weather outside too cold. Padding across the hardwood floors with her socked feet, she went into the family room and adjusted the heat. Breathing some warmth into her cupped hands, she went into the kitchen to find something for breakfast. She popped a few frozen waffles into the toaster (the breakfast of champions for that morning) and pulled her phone out of the pocket of her sweatshirt while she was waiting for the waffles to pop back up.There were two from Taryn that she promptly ignored, one from Vivi--a picture of her and Heather at a comic book store event the night before--and one from Cardan. Smiling to herself, she opened the message from him.

Everything went black.

Jude came to with her face pressed against the hardwood floor of the kitchen and a thick sticky substance coating her hair. She could hardly register where she was, hardly process the fact of the red of her blood on her hand after touching it to her head, could hardly get her vision to stop swimming. What happened?

Her tongue felt coated in slime, her nose was filled with a metallic scent. Where was she? Her phone lay near her and she reached for it. There was a number she was supposed to call but she couldn’t call it to mind. There was a conversation open on her text messages but she couldn’t make sense of the words. She clicked the phone icon in the corner and was met with a dial tone. Almost immediately a voice answered. Warm. Male. Familiar.

“Jude?” The voice said.

She could hardly speak, words were evading her. Finally she croaked out a single, desperate word. “Help.”

--------

There was a banging on the door, someone shouting her name. She could process she was on her kitchen floor but couldn’t get herself up. Her head hurt, her body ached. She was on her back now, staring at the ceiling. The banging on the door continued for another minute before the sound changed--someone was trying to break the door down. What was going on? Something was wrong, wrong, wrong. Jude began to sob just as the door finally gave way and a boy with black eyes rushed to her side. His hands were on her bloody hair, he was saying her name, she was crying. He was crying.

He pulled his phone from his back pocket and put it to his ear. He was speaking but the words didn’t make sense other than their desperate tone.

Minutes later, sirens were blaring outside.

---------

“Can you tell me your name?” A woman was asking as she shone a light into Jude’s eyes.

“Jude,” she whispered. She wanted to sleep. She wanted to go home. But wait, wasn’t she already home? What happened what happened what happened?

“Do you know where you are?” The paramedic furthered inquired.

Jude tried to look around her but her neck hurt, her head hurt, everything hurt. “Home.”

“Do you know who this boy is?” The paramedic asked, jerking a finger towards the boy that had found her on the floor. The boy she had called. He looked wild and afraid and like he would run to her side if it weren’t for the man restraining him by the doorway.

Cardan.

“What was that?” The woman asked. Jude must have mumbled. She repeated his name, clearer. Saw tears on his face as the paramedic continued to hold him back. She touched her hand to her head and was surprised when it came away sticky and red. Was she bleeding?

“We’re going to take you to the hospital, okay?” The woman said.

Jude made to respond when her throat closed, eyes rolled back, and she was dragged under again.

--------

Machines were beeping. The bedsheets of the hospital bed crinkled when Jude shifted. She could feel the scratch of gauze around her head as she shifted her head on the thin pillow. Beside the bed, a nurse watched her over the clipboard she had been writing in.

“Oh, you’re awake,” said the nurse. “Do you know where you are, sweetheart?”

“Hospital,” Jude croaked, not sure how she got there. She vaguely remembered being loaded into an ambulance after waking up on the floor. Vaguely remembered Cardan’s hands on her face, in her hair. One of the machines beeped faster as her heartbeat kicked up in a panic.

“Do you know what happened?” The nurse asked softly. The tag around her neck said her name was Ashlynn. More than anything, Jude wanted to say that yes, she did know what happened. She remembered every bit of it. But she didn’t--she couldn’t. So instead she answered truthfully.

“No,” she responded, tears welling in her eyes.

“You had a seizure,” the nurse told her gently, as if speaking to a spooked animal. “And hit your head. It’s a lucky thing your boyfriend found you.” Boyfriend? “You had another seizure after the paramedics showed up and they rushed you here. Your boyfriend is in the waiting room still. You can see him after the doctor checks you out.”

--------

By the time the doctor left the room, Jude was fully aware again. There was a fog over her memory of the last few hours but she was present and with herself again in a way that was a relief to feel again. By now she had put together that boyfriend meant Cardan and when they asked her again if she would like to see him, she almost said no. No, she didn’t want to see him. Didn’t want him to see her like this. But a strange flash of his panicked face came into her mind with the memory of him holding her, and instead she found herself agreeing to see him.

She raised her eyebrows at him as he entered the room and closed the door behind him. "Boyfriend, huh?"

He immediately looked defensive and mischievous at the same time, sitting in a chair beside her bed. "It felt weird to just call you my friend after I've been inside you and I didn't want to explain to the 9-1-1 operator that you're a girl I hit with my car and then slept with and you may or may not actually hate me, so I panicked and said I was your boyfriend."

Jude chuckled and shifted again in the bed in an attempt to get comfortable. More than anything, she wanted out of this damn hospital gown. Cardan’s eyes were haunted when she looked back to him. He took her hand in a way that suggested he didn’t know he was doing it, looked at the wall above her head, moved his eyes back to meet hers. He was clearly shaken. Badly.

“You scared the shit out of me,” he confessed barely above a whisper.

“I’m sorry,” she returned in the same voice.

“No,” he said too loudly. He lowered his voice with an apologetic look in response to her wince. “No. Don’t be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about, okay?”

Jude nodded. This seemed to placate Cardan enough for his shoulders to relax. “Did they tell you if you have a concussion?” He asked, diverting the subject a bit as he touched his fingers lightly to the bandages on her head

“Mild one, yeah.”

“You hit your head on the counter.”

“I heard.”

“There was blood.”

Jude looked down at her hands and saw small crescents of dried blood under a few of her fingernails. “Oh,” she supplied lamely. Cardan’s eyes followed her line of sight to her fingernails and he took her hands in his again to cover up the evidence.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You just did,” Jude said in an attempt at humor. The joke clearly fell short in the tense room.

“Why didn’t you call 9-1-1? Why did you call me?” Cardan finally asked after a long beat of silence.

“I don’t remember calling,” Jude admitted. “I don’t really remember anything.” At this, Cardan gave a tight-lipped nod to her answer. His thumbs were rubbing pleasant circles along her palms.

“When can I go home?” She asked. Cardan met her eyes with his beautiful black ones and Jude found herself wanting to crawl out of bed to be in his arms.

“I’ll ask,” he said sadly.

--------

Walking in to her apartment took more bravery than she expected. Inside she was greeted by the pool of blood on the kitchen floor, the smear of blood on the counter, the bloodied prints on the floor from the hands that had touched her. She wanted to throw up. After closing the door, Cardan moved to block her view of the kitchen. Said her name once, twice, three times, before gently taking hold of her arms.

“Hey, look at me. Breathe. Breathe, Jude. It’s okay.”

She was hyperventilating. Shaking. Nothing felt okay. She closed her eyes and let herself fall forward into Cardan’s arms where he held her--fingers digging into her back--as he continued to utter soothing words to her. She felt him kiss the top of her head, knot his hand in the back of her hair, tuck her head beneath his chin. She was safe, he kept saying. She was safe. She was safe. She was safe. The more he said it the more she believed him until finally the panic attack ebbed away, leaving only soul deep exhaustion in its wake. As if sensing Jude running on complete empty now, Cardan scooped her up into his arms and carried her to her bedroom. Gently, so gently, he laid her down on her mattress and pulled the blankets up over her. He sat there for a moment, running his fingers through her hair, before he made to stand. Without thinking about it, Jude’s hand shot out to grip his wrist and he froze in place.

“Stay,” she begged. “Please stay with me tonight.”

Cardan kissed her forehead, tucked her hair behind her ear. “Your wish is my command, darling,” he whispered.

He curled up behind her and held her like she might drift away as she drifted off to sleep.

#jurdan #jude x cardan #jurdan au #text post #my writing #okay to reblog #the cruel prince #the wicked king #the folk of the air

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scientistowengottlieb-newtkelly · 4 years

Text

10 Year Picrew

tagged by @cheesedemarco so i might as well do this hjskgjksjfjgk thanks bro 💕

2010

~2nd grade, 7-8 yrs old

- loved or thought they loved the color pink Wholeheartedly

- cats made Everything better, thought they might be part cat and loved to imagine that they were because they grew up around cats

- i legit don't know how no one thought "hm, something is Off with this one" but no one picked up on them being Different other than the kids smh so i got picked on a bit

- sisters kept asking if they were gay because they had a fixation on katy perry's "i kissed a girl". did not quite know what being gay was.

- put into a gifted program, got confused, never showed up to classes unless the teacher showed up to get them but thinking back was probably supposed to just leave

- like 2 close friends and that was It

- emotionally invested in binging animal planet docuseries'

- wants to be a vet when they grow up

- lots of really Weird ideas that thinking back on now just resulted in spending time alone and thinking or playing alone

- attention seeker :))) didn't receive any :)))))))

- "why are boys and girls treated so differently, i don't understand?? what makes me a girl??"

- polo.... ticks???

- first time cutting their hair "short" (bob cut, just above the shoulders, Loved It and then Hated It, wanted the mako mori haircut despite mako not existing yet)

- first signs of anxiety showed up around this time

2015 (pt. 1)

6th-7th grade, 12-13 yrs old

- sad emo bitch, honestly

- melodramatic as fuck, i would not be friends with them now if i knew them

- attention seeking at its worst

- anxiety at its worst

- lots of pushing people away and isolating from friends in fear of making things worse for them having to see me emotionally compromised in any way

- lots of having to talk people down because they managed to make friends with probably over half of the school's Depressed Children population and had even more online

- first boyfriend, didn't turn out hjskgjskg peer pressured into a few firsts actually

- loved loved loved black veil brides and h*talia/anime in general, do not come for me and do not ask for details, i will deny ever existing during this time period

- first discovers the lgbtq community

- first makes an instagram account

- first discovers what fandom and fanfics are

- first writes fanfics like a fucking madman, literally could pull three short fics out of their ass every day, edited and everything, but never posted them out of fear of rejection and criticism

- really REALLY wants to be an author but doesn't have any kind of faith in themself or their ability

- makes friends who like their writing and latches onto them for the next Ever (still friends with them now 🥰)

- couldn't manage their obsessions with fiction and it negatively affected their life in a few ways

- first girlfriend, still miss her as a friend, but didn't turn out because they still had a lot of Emotions they didn't know how to process

- joins kik and makes a lifelong friend and qpp :))

- finally let themself say fuck. come on bb u can do it just not in front of ur parents ok?

- "i HATE politics that shit is SO ANNOYING and i will NEVER be political ùmú rawr xd >:((((("

- maybe like two other girlfriends or so, was Really Just Going Thru It, Wanted To Find Themself (and also didn't know how to say no to people in fear of disappointment)

- noticable difficulty keeping track in school compared to before

- miles mckenna

- "wait, you can trans your gender?"

2015 (pt. 2)

7th grade, 13 yrs old

- still probably wouldn't be friends with them but better than before

- mom upon being asked to let me cut my hair in the "ellen cut": BUT YOU'LL LOOK LIKE A LESBIAN???

- my reaction, still partially in the closet: YES. AND???

- technically out as genderfluid and pan, did nothing to actually insinuate they wanted to shift what pronouns people used for them because "Oh But What A Burden That Would Be On Others :("

- happier with themselves but still Going Thru It because they didn't know how to put their feelings into words yet

- also a constantly fear of being perceived as annoying or a nuisance

- touch aversion appeared out of seemingly nowhere, got worse over the course of the next two years or so

- sleep deprivation ×1000000000

- more school difficulties,,,

2020

high school senior, nearly 18 yrs old

- successfully transed their gender... mostly. almost 2 years on t. will probably never be out as nonbinary to most family. but at least they have a mullet-in-progress

- been in therapy for somewhere over 2 years, maybe close to 3??

- somewhat learned how to say no and stand up for themself and has removed toxic people from their life successfully :))

- actually has some semblance of confidence!!! you go bitch!!! comfortable in their body after t once they realized their remaining dysphoria was almost strictly social

- emotionally good but physically and mentally running on fumes and fixations

- has come to realize that they probably have undiagnosed adhd and that their therapist needs to get bent because he keeps telling them "no" and then after they talk to him about it he goes "ok maybe..." with no real answer, thanks roger 💕

- overly friendly???? just wants to make people smile and this time knows that if they don't that it's okay because at least they got to smile about it

- fixated HEAVILY on pacific rim and iasip, and torchwood (but mostly just on charlie day and burn gorman BECAUSE of pacific rim hjskgjskjgkahgkg)

- trying to get back into writing fics so hard but things just do no be coming as easily as they once did

- "i type in all lowercase because i FUCKING HATE CAPITALISM"

- probably a maoist idk i'm still Learning new things every day

- manages to actually run a tumblr blog and make friends without having borderline panic attacks??? fun times y'all

- extremely grateful to see how far they've managed to get :)

sorry for uhhhhh putting my life's story on here LMAO anyway. i tag ummmmm anyone who sees this and wants to do it!!! here's the picrew!!! have fun!!!

#rowboat speaks #faceboat

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