#oh shit I gave you guys too much context on what happens next | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

foxymoxynoona · 2 years

Text

Tell Me What Changed (Pt. 4)

Banner and lines by the talented @awrkive

Summary: Alex and Jungkook have been best friends since childhood –actual best friends. She is NOT in love with him, for real, and wishes people would stop assuming that. Why does no one question if he’s in love with her? Huh? But it might have to do with his successful fuckboy status, while Alex is very much… not that. Which is fine and doesn’t matter! Until Jimin’s impending wedding leaves her eager for a date and willing to put herself out there, and Jungkook can’t believe what happens next.

Fuckboy Best Friend JK x OC

CW and tags: fuckboy behavior, jealousy, pining, heartbreak, angst, bad language, explicit sex, sexy photos, alcohol, f2l, who knows what else

Read on AO3 here or below

Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter

“Now she’s been talking about him nonstop since they got back,” Jungkook vented to Nate as they sorted and stored inventory in the back. “It’s annoying as shit. Like all she wants to do is tell me– just every little thing they did–”

“A play by play of their sex?” Nate asked, grimacing.

“Yeah! I mean it’s not like we don’t ever talk about sex but I don’t go into fucking detail–”

“How much detail are we talking?” Nate interrupted. “She’s telling you he shaves his ball and what his stroke-game–”

“No no not that kind of detail but I know how many times they had sex and how many times she came and that she blew him and he went down on her and that she didn’t expect to like it but she did,” Jungkook sighed and rattled off despite that sick clench of his stomach again. It was stupid. “Look, I’m not queasy about a play by play.”

Nate snickered, “Yeah, I know.”

“But she’s not another guy. It’s not actually like talking to– I’m a guy. She’s a girl. Does she think I just tell her this level of– I mean, we live together, it’s not like she doesn’t know I fuck around and we joke about things a lot, but I don’t come home and give her this serious run of show. I just tell her things to make her laugh!”

“Even if you did, it’s not like she knows the girls, right?”

“Right!” Jungkook shouted, appreciating the point. “I have to be around her boyfriend and know he made her cum four times and she was afraid she’d crush his head with her thighs when he ate her out–” He broke off because Nate had slumped against the boxes laughing.

“Why do girls always worry about that?!”

“Yeah I don't know.”

“I mean the girls I fuck are sticks and they’ll be like ‘oh sorry I don’t want to hurt you.’ Bitch you’re squeezing two spaghetti noodles on my ears. You wish you had that thigh power!”

Jungkook gave a non-committal laugh because he didn’t want the subject to veer off just yet. He wasn’t done venting. He needed to empty himself of these things before he had to go grocery shopping with Alex later today. He was maxed out at the way she floated around the apartment, every few minutes remembering some new detail from her trip she needed to impart on Jungkook.

Great, she had a good time at snooty Lakeville with her formerly-corporate older boyfriend who made her cum four times and was apparently good with his tongue. Cool, Jungkook was good with his tongue too, Hoseok was nothing special. But she talked about him like he hung the moon just because she’d finally gotten a good lay and Jungkook wanted to be happy for her, but it was just too much. It wasn’t like they invented fucking!

“It’s like she forgot that just because we’re best friends doesn’t mean I’m another one of the girls,” Jungkook said. “It’s not just about having to see this guy around all the time and think about the depraved things he did to my friend, it’s also about just TMI of her in that context, you know? I don’t need to know what my roommate’s pussy sounds like–”

“She told you?!” Nate gasped.

“No, I’m being metaphorical.”

“Ahh, ok, dude, I was going to say… but yeah this is a platonic roommate, right? So why is she telling you all of this unless she’s trying to lure you in?”

Jungkook froze, stack of phone boxes cradled in his arms, and repeated, “Lure me in?”

“Like you said, why’s she telling you all this shit? She has girl friends, right? Unless she’s telling you to make you curious, yeah?” Nate wiggled his eyebrows.

Jungkook immediately propelled back into motion and assured him, “No no it’s definitely not that.”

“I don’t know, man, what girl tells her guy friend ‘my boyfriend fucked me this good’ unless she’s hinting ‘think you can do better?’”

“It’s definitely not that,” Jungkook assured him, immediately regretting this conversation now. Nate was an idiot. Total fucking moron, that guy, Jungkook should have known better. The slight embellishments Jungkook had given to the things Alex had actually said, to make it a funnier story to Nate, had confused the guy. It wasn’t like she’d told him what Hoseok’s stroke game was, she’d just said he made her cum four times and she was sore now. He definitely didn’t think she had meant think you can do better, baby?

Although obviously, objectively, he could. He had way more practice than Hoseok, he was sure of that, and while every woman was different, he had a wider sampling. It wasn’t like Hoseok came into this knowing anything more about how to fuck Alex good than Jungkook did; in fact Jungkook knew a lot more about Alex than Hoseok did so–

Not that Jungkook wanted to fuck Alex. Just objectively. In a direct competition of skills, he’d do better. Except for the wild card Hoseok would have, the finger on the scales that would tip the balance in his favor: Alex liked Hoseok, she wanted him, in a way she had never considered Jungkook. Jungkook knew that the more you wanted someone, the better the sex with them was, even if sex in general was great. So no matter how much better he was at fucking, Hoseok would win a competition judged by Alex because she wanted Hosoek to win. She chose him that way.

“Dude you look pissed,” Nate laughed, throwing a box at him. Jungkook caught it, but in doing so dropped several phone boxes.

“Oops.”

“What are you thinking? Revenge fuck?”

“What does that mean?” Jungkook asked, face now shifting from whatever ‘pissed’ expression Nate thought he had seen to one of skepticism. “I’m not going to fuck her– she has a boyfriend–”

“Nah, dude, this is your roommate, you didn’t want to fuck her before anyway, right? I mean fuck someone else and give her the details and see how she likes it! Probably she’ll get all ‘ew gross don’t tell me that,’” Nate explained, mimicking a high-pitched girl's voice in a way that seemed to prove he had not been laid anytime recently.

Jungkook’s head tilted, trying to make sense of this. He didn’t have to fuck someone new to have gross sex details to share. He didn’t think that was the problem. And again, it wasn’t like Alex didn’t already know he was a fuckboy. It’s just that his stories were funny, hers were–

Maybe that was the problem. Maybe she thought because he fucked around, he wanted to hear about his best friend getting railed by her lightweight boyfriend on their hoity-toity trip up to Lakeville. Dude apparently couldn’t even hold his alcohol so his stamina couldn’t be that good. He suspected Alex was just an easy cummer since she’d gone unlaid for so long–

Ok no. NO no no no that was the whole point was that he did not want to start thinking about Alex in any sex-related sense. No! He’d drawn a hard line there basically a decade ago and there was no need or reason to muddy those waters now just because in quick succession she had revealed she wasn’t actually asexual, she now had a boyfriend, and for some inexplicable reason Alex had let him see her in lingerie. Ok, sure, for ‘feedback’ to make sure Hoseok wouldn’t laugh at her.

Obviously the fucker hadn’t laughed at her. Hope you enjoyed it, asshole! That’s my best friend whose weekend you almost ruined getting too drunk! Alex hadn’t confirmed the lingerie was a hit but Jungokok hadn’t expected it to be anything but. It had looked good on her.

“This is why I won’t live with a girl unless I’m married to her,” Nate continued, speaking mostly to himself because Jungkook was barely listening. “It doesn’t work.”

“It works for us,” Jungkook argued.

“Does it? She’s totally forgotten you’re a dude, dude.”

“Yeah but that’s ok. I mean, I’m not a fuckable dude to her–”

“Do you hear yourself? You’re Jungkook Jeon! You’re a fuckable dude to any lady unless she’s your sister, right?”

“Alex is basically like my sister.”

“Then why is she telling you all this gross shit?” Nate pointed out. “That’s like some weird sexual incest relationship or something. That’s some porn shit.” Nate pitched his voice higher again, “‘Hi, stepbrother, can you help me, my thong got stuck in my asscrack. Oh, your hands are all soapy? Maybe you can use your teeth–’”

“Jesus Christ, man,” Jungkook laughed. “Get laid or something.”

“Yeah but you aren’t pissed if I tell you about it, right? So yeah, something’s not right between you and Alex. You gotta stand up for yourself. Remind her you’re a man and you have zero interest in hearing about another man’s game.”

Jungkook realized what Nate was saying did not actually make much sense. He froze again, trying to untangle it. Fine, maybe he was annoyed listening to Alex talk about Hoseok but it was because it was different than talking about generic hook ups. He didn’t mind her teasing him about fucking around, but it was different to have your best friend give you the details of their sex-fueled weekend away with their boyfriend, who they would probably now be fucking down the hall from you on the weekly. Or she’d go over there. She had no problem with his sexcapades but yeah! Maybe he did a little bit just because he also had to look at the guy! He didn’t want to think about another guy cumming on her tits or whatever trash they’d try next! Whatever, maybe Alex didn’t think of him as anything but her brother, but he didn’t want to think these things about his sister!

Nate was pretty useless as an employee and not much good as a friend but something about talking to him did give Jungkook the boost he needed. If Alex started telling him things he didn’t want to know, he'd just tell her to cut it out. He’d remind her she was like a sister to him. He didn’t want to think about her having sex anymore than she had already forced him to!

“Bananas– not the organic ones though,” Jungkook said, looking up from their hastily scratched shopping list.

“Duh.” She actually rolled her eyes at the suggestion that she wouldn’t know what kind of bananas he wanted.

Jungkook started to walk over to the banana display, leaving Alex to push the cart. Instead she hopped up onto the low bar and gripped the handle, whining after him,

“Koooo, push me.”

“You were horizontal most of the weekend, push your damn self,” he argued, back towards her. He hated making the joke about a thing he didn’t want to talk about, but at least sex jokes came natural. He didn’t feel like doing that stupid thing they did sometimes where she rode on the cart and he pushed it, arms around her. Sometimes she’d lift her arms and quote ‘Titanic.’ One time Jimin had seen them do it and insisted there was something wrong with them, a gas leak in their apartment or something.

But he didn’t feel like doing it right now, he just wanted to get the grocery shopping trip done and get home. He’d been on his feet all day and he was tired and usually they went grocery shopping on Sundays so he’d been living off of stale cereal in yogurt and instant rice and kimchi for three days because she’d been gone all weekend. Horizontal.

“Not just horizontal!” she said brightly, completely missing his tone. She gave the cart a shove and rode it over, bashing into the back of his ankles.

“Yeah, ok.”

“Why are you being sulky?”

“Because I’m hungry!”

“Well it’s not my fault you couldn’t feed yourself while I was away. You could have gone grocery shopping on your own,” she pointed out.

“I was busy.”

“Doing what?” she taunted. “Mom said you went to dinner at home. And that you didn’t give away any of my secrets so thanks.”

“They grilled me. You owe me.”

“Eh, you already owed me. You’ve earned my trust back.”

“That’s why you’re telling me every detail now, huh?”

“Yeah I’m not actually worried you’re going to go tell my mom he made me cum–”

“I know how many times,” he interrupted.

Alex’s response was to laugh, “Damn, you’re hangry! OK ok fine, let’s plow through the list so we can get home and feed you. Hehe, plowed like–”

“Alex,” he gave a deep, annoyed sigh to carry her name through the produce section.

She just giggled, “It’s kind of fun pissing you off, actually. I’m barely even telling you anything but you’re getting all pissy because someone beside you is talking about sex–”

“We’re in a grocery store,” he glared, gesturing at the other people in this public space.

“Yeah yeah I know, ok. I’ll dial it back. How was work?”

The question bored him but he answered it and returned the question. Her work bored him too. Everything bored him!

“Hey we’re going to the arcade tomorrow, right?” He suddenly thought of it. Her being gone Monday had totally thrown his weekly schedule off and he realized now tomorrow was Thursday arcade night and she might be working.

She gave him an incredulous look, “Of course we’re going. I mean, unless you’re bailing on me. I have it blocked out in my work schedule.”

“Oh, yeah. Ok. I’m feeling like we need to work harder to get the Slushie machine and stuff. I don’t think the marketing they’ve been doing is enough,” he said, suddenly much more animated by relief. “It feels like there’s a timer counting down on the place, right? I’m worried.”

“You know we could just buy a Slushie machine–”

“Ok moneybags,” he scoffed.

“Let’s see how much they are–” He shoved her hands with her phone down and reached over her to grab a bunch of bananas.

“I don’t care how much they actually are. It’s the principle of the matter. You don’t care about it anymore? I thought–”

“I care, I care,” she assured him.

He frowned, “Or does a Slushie machine not fit the style you want to impress–”

“What is up with you?” she asked. “You’re being all crabby and taking it out on me. What did I do?”

“I’m not–”

“I care about the Slushie machine,” she said. “I’m sorry you needed me here to grocery shop on Sunday and I wasn’t. I’m sorry I blew off the arcade weeks ago but I won’t do it again. Is there something else going on? Are you fighting with a girl? Did instagram suspend your account or something?”

“I have more going on in my life than instagram and fucking girls,” he grumbled. The bananas he had grabbed weren’t big enough so he grabbed a second bunch. They went through a lot of bananas.

“Ok, so tell me about it. What did I miss– you know what? Let’s go to the Starbucks and get something to snack on. Coffee or something. You want anything?”

“You don’t get a discount here,” he reminded.

“I know but this is an emergency. My treat.”

It was suspicious. It made him very suspicious but not so suspicious he wouldn’t accept a treat. So they bought a cookie to share and each got an iced caramel macchiato and fuck the sugar. Jungkook had to admit it did make things feel a little better as they returned to their shopping, side by side, sipping their little drinks. Just two roommates getting their weekly errands done with a nice pick-me-up.

“Ok,” she said. “Now back to what you were saying. Other stuff going on that’s bothering you right now.”

“Huh?”

“You said you have more going on than girls and instagram. News to me so spill, what’s the new thing,” she said, wiggling her eyebrows at him, as she slurped her fucking straw into her mouth.

“Uh…”

“Hello? Earth to Kookoo brain?” When she pulled her drink away to speak, a drop of milk lingered on her lip and he had the sudden and overwhelming urge to just lean down and– ok, it was weird, but it was just the crazy impulse that flashed through him to lean down and lick it off her lip and– well, her mouth would be cold and sweet and milky right now, because of the drink and– he didn’t have a thing for milk or anything, just that her mouth would taste like creamy caramel right now–

“Oh my god, are you sick or something?”

“Sick,” he repeated, meaning his brain that would do that to him while he was talking to Alex of all people!

Ok brain, he realized now. I went too long without getting my balls drained. I get it. He hadn’t even jacked off in the last week! He was cranky and backed up. Alex was right about her assumption that he hadn’t gotten laid and that was probably why he was so sensitive about her weekend with Hoseok. It wasn’t like he actually resented her getting fu– sex. She could have been having sex all this time! He didn’t mind! He just thought she didn’t want it!

But also his brain needed to quit it with the phrase “Alex getting fucked” because it was just too much in the wrong direction. He thought Alex was probably a love-making type of girl, not a getting railed one. They had sex but he’d doubted they’d fucked. The reality of all the excitement over Hoseok, he decided, was that it had probably been pretty tame, mediocre sex, but she had such a low bar for what she should be asking for. He’d nudge her in the right direction to make sure her needs were actually getting met.

Someday.

Definitely not right now.

Her hands were on his face, invading his bubble to check for a fever.

“I’m fine,” he complained and batted her away, “Leave me alone, you’ll give me zits.”

“My hands are clean.”

“You’ve just been banana-handling!”

“Uh I have definitely washed my hands since– oh, you meant…” She trailed off with a loud laugh and bounced away to the next thing on their list: oranges. Obviously she knew the joke she’d made. Her usual brash humor made him grumble, but he quieted it behind a sip of the iced drink she’d bought for him.

When she turned around, she was holding two naval oranges there, but before Jungkook could think of what joke would sound normal and not weird because now he’d seen her nipples and new what her tits looked like in only a flimsy lavender top, she sighed,

“Remember that time May and her friends stuffed these things in their bathing suits and made fun of me?”

“Uh… no,” he lied.

“I still think about that sometimes,” she admitted. “That sucked. I was so jealous of her little AAs.”

“You shouldn’t be. They’re um, nice. You know. At any size.”

“You think mine are nice?” she asked, arching her eyebrow.

“Uh… I, um, objectively speaking–”

“Oh my god, I have a boyfriend,” she laughed. Then immediately sighed and shook her head, “Sorry, I know I’m being so fucking annoying about it right now.”

YEAH! He wanted to yell it but she kept going.

“I guess I just still can’t believe it and I figure I can talk to you about anything. Rebekah and Minxi are both kind of shy about sex stuff… and I’m not on In’am or Sabina’s hot-girl level so… besides I’ve listened to all your sexcapades for years, so I figure you owe me,” she laughed and cradled the oranges against her chest as she tried to tear off a produce bag with one hand. She’d done the whole thing backwards like an idiot.

But Jungkook couldn’t do and think at the same time, and this conversation had him so flustered because now he was remembering her in that lavender thing, he reached for the oranges instead of ripping off the bag which is what he’d meant to do. He grabbed both oranges but a big squish of her tit as well.

“Jungkook!” she gasped. “Right in front of the salad?!”

“Fuck, sorry, I– you can’t– just get the bag before you grab the–”

“Before I grab the what?” she laughed, clearly amused by the whole thing. Jungkook was mortified. He’d never felt mortified in front of Alex but he did right now –well, not since he was a teenager and realized she noticed the random boners he kept popping as puberty wreaked havoc on his system. Or that time he’d been practicing with condoms in high school and had one stuck to his sock and she’d noticed it when she came over. Or that time her car had turned on and grabbed the bluetooth connection to his phone and she’d seen the name of the porn he was in the middle of jacking off to. She’d texted him a picture and six laughing emojis. Ruined his orgasm.

“Oranges, you sick fuck,” he retorted. It came out harsher than he intended it.

But Alex crumpled against the stack of oranges, she burst into such whole-body laughter.

“Oh my god you’re such an asshole,” she howled. “What is wrong with you? Is this really what you’re like if you go a week without–”

“Ma’am, this is a family establishment,” he interrupted, to cut her off because there were children walking nearby but also because he saw a lifeline through to his normal self and reached for it. Of course! He could make outrageous jokes with her and it was fine! Why was he being so weird and cranky?! And how did she know it had been a week for him?!

“It’s so funny when you say shitty stuff with that baby face,” she giggled, wiping a tear from her watery eyes. She reached forward and held the bag open for him to chuck the oranges into. He couldn’t have explained why, but something about the intimacy of manhandling giant oranges into a crinkly bag she held was too much. They locked eyes over the bag of oranges and both started laughing again.

This felt better. Jungkook made sure to bump her around as he picked the best broccoli heads, and she hip-checked him out of the way to reach the ranch dressing, and then they bickered over whether to get normal Chef Boyardee or the healthy one without high fructose corn syrup in it.

“But the healthy one is gross,” she insisted. “You know what boobs are made of? High fructose corn syrup.”

“Yeah, so we don’t need it,” Jungkook argued.

Alex laughed and waved the can at him, “What’s this ‘we’?”

“We got plenty of boobs in the house.”

“Whose? Yours?”

“Mine are nice too! I mean I’m not parading around in a little gauzy purple thing but–”

“Maybe you should open your mind to it,” she said. “You could get a matching one! I got it at that store I made you go with me, the one at the mall–”

“Wait you bought that with me?”

“Yeah. Super sneaky so you wouldn’t see. Like faster than that black bra you helped me steal when we were–”

“Yeah I already know what you’re talking about, it’s not like we steal from Victoria's Secret every couple of months,” he assured her. “Literally the only time in my life I have stolen lingerie.”

“Now you just buy it, huh, Mr. Moneybags?”

“Who the fuck am I buying lingerie for?” he scoffed.

“I don’t know… anyway. Yeah, obviously I wasn’t going to tell you I was buying lingerie.”

“Yeah, obviously,” he scoffed. “You waited until we were home to show it to me. On your body.”

“All right all right, sorry if that was weird.”

He was at a decision point, he realized. The responses he could give fanned out before him like a dialogue tree in a video game. He could tease. He could deny. He could establish a boundary and make sure it never happened again.

He shrugged, “Nah, it wasn’t weird, it’s just fun to tease you about it. You were so nervous about something stupid!”

“My body is stupid, huh?!”

“No, that was my point. How you look in that kind of thing is stupid to worry about.”

“You sound like my mom. ‘You are beautiful Alex and any boy will know that!’ As if I need reassurance from boys to feel good about myself.”

“Yeah just me.”

“Just you and the boy I’m dating,” she agreed as she set things on the belt for him to ring up at the self check out. He opened a couple bags first so she’d be able to squeeze past him and bag while he paid. They’d split the total later.

Jungkook shrugged, “Eh don’t worry too much about him. Boyfriends are replaceable; I am not. Wait, did you show your mom the lingerie–”

“No, of course not! Oh my god, I have boundaries! Just not with you!”

“Ok, good,” he laughed. “Here shrimpie, put the ramen in that last bag so you can carry it. I thought we’d start putting it in the low cabinet so you can reach it with your little possum hands in the middle of the night.”

“You’re such a turd,” she huffed and punched him in the ass. Hard.

“Damnit, Namjoon!”

“Ahhhhh I just tried to help,” he whined. Alex sighed and grabbed chopsticks and began picking out the vanilla beans he had dumped from a jar he apparently thought was dehydrated garlic. Vanilla beans looked nothing like garlic.

“Even if that was garlic, why would you just blindly dump it into the pan?! Besides, we’re using fresh garlic,” Alex scolded.

Beside her Taehyung shook his head, “Don’t bother, Alex. He went from mom to wife, the dude never learned common cooking sense.”

“You guys, don’t be shit. I’m trying to learn.”

“Step one, always stop and think about what you’re doing,” Jimin said, only to squirm and laugh at Namjoon’s look of rage at being lectured by Jimin –Jimin who tended to be on rice maker duty. It was rich coming from Taehyung honestly too, who used to be helpless. But he’d literally taken crash cooking courses in the last three years to learn how to cook to impress the ladies, and it had worked! He’d caught Sabina with those cooking skills. Gotta respect the hustle!

Jungkook reached right over Alex’s head to pull another bowl out of the cabinet above her. It pressed her into the counter, a drawer knob digging right into her ribs.

“Careful, hot stuff here,” she pointed out to him.

“I know, I’m just getting a bowl.”

“I meant the dish.”

“Uh huh.”

“The food dish, not the me dish.”

He gave her a tight-lipped look, bowl now safely in his hands, and assured her, “Yeah. I got it.”

Jungkook did this a lot lately, just would suddenly get all sulky. She hadn’t been able to tease out whether something was up at work or he was just still in his dry spell or what. She’d checked his snap and insta to make sure no girls were bullying him but if they were, it wasn’t on his page. In the past it had never taken her long to crack him; just the right poke and he’d spill everything, sometimes flopped across her lap like a worn out puppy demanding comfort and attention.

Fortunately Jimin also noticed and teased, “Uh oh, baby’s in a bad mood?”

“I’m not your baby,” Jungkook frowned.

“Yeah, we know, you’re mine and you’re hungry and it’s making you cranky,” Alex joked. “Sorry guys, I forgot to feed the baby his afternoon snack before we came here… I know I’m responsible for him and I failed in my sacred duties… here, muffin, eat this.”

“Muffin…” he grumbled, but when she held a piece of chicken to his mouth, he deigned to eat it. His glare gave her the answer as he nodded, “Yeah, it’s good.”

“There, is that better? You just need food. You’ve barely touched your horny DMs. I didn’t see any thirst traps on snap yet tonight!”

“You’re such a something-something,” he laughed, and pretended like he was going to chop her in the stomach, but instead just chased after the piece of chicken she’d been going to feed herself with his mouth like a fish. It felt sort of like staging for a movie; the playful proximity would have been an easy set up to just dart forward and kiss.

If it was Hoseok! Obviously! She wasn’t kissing anyone else! It was just a funny situation, and the premise distracted her long enough he was able to take the chicken after all and give her a smug grin about it.

“The marinade came out good?” Namjoon asked him. Alex had been the one to make it and she awaited Jungkook’s review.

“Yeah, it’s good. We should serve it with the green beans though so there’s some crunch, the chicken isn’t crispy on its own.”

“Yeah, can you saute those? I think Minxi already trimmed them.”

“Yep, right here! My work is done,” she beamed, and handed over the bowl and simply walked away.

Alex set the next batch of dumplings to steam and left the boys to keep an eye on it and wandered off after Minxi. Hobi wouldn’t be here until later; he was staying longer at work to cover for a barista who’d had a last minute family emergency. Hobi always covered; it was sweet and a reminder how much he loved his career, even if it bummed Alex out sometimes that it often meant moved dates or plans. He wasn’t a brain surgeon or something! But she also respected his work ethic.

On the bright side, they’d been dating long enough now that he felt comfortable casually adjusting their plans. It’s not like he had missed anything important! Not that there had been anything important to miss yet but still.

The kitchen was loud anyway and she wanted to just hang out; it’s why she and Jungkook had come early to this dinner party, which was Namjoon’s attempts to take control of the way everyone kept showing up at his house and turn the affairs into less drinking and something more sophisticated. He’d begged them to cook. He wanted to learn.

“Hey are the rumors true Namjoon already started seeing someone?” she whispered to Sabina and In’am.

“What do you mean already?” Sabina answered. “His divorce is finalized! There’s not some magic time he needs to wait.”

“No, I know! I just meant… because he just started looking,” Alex quickly covered her tracks. She thought there was an amount of time you needed to wait before people would whisper about you behind your back…

Exactly like this.

“I think it’s great,” Alex insisted. “I just meant i thought he’d fuck around more before he wanted to bring someone home to us.”

“Some people aren’t fuck-arounds,” Rebeka shrugged. “Some of us are lifers.”

“Yeah totally.” Alex paused, thoughtful, then frowned, “I guess I’m a lifer? Are those my only options?”

“What other options do you want?” Minxi prodded.

“I don’t know,” Alex said quickly, because she didn’t understand how they had gotten here or what was even being talked about. She guessed she was a lifer –she didn’t date around, and certainly didn’t fuck around. But at the same time, it wasn’t like she was already thinking of marrying Hoseok. Well, maybe she’d daydreamed about that earlier, before they started dating. Shit, that didn’t sound right! All her internal thoughts meant was that once Hoseok became a very real guy she was dating, those kinds of fantasies felt a little embarrassing because it felt like she was getting ahead of herself. They’d had a great time in Lakeville and had a couple of dates out or hung out at his place many times since then, they’d had more great sex, things were going great! If they wound up married… well, that would be great! But she wasn’t already really thinking of marriage! She’d basically be a child bride!

“Are you… hyperventilating?” In’am asked, leaning in closer and pressing her hand familiarly to Alex’s jaw.

“I’m just not quite ready to get married yet. I don’t know how you’re doing it. I mean I know you’re older than me but…”

In’am shared a laugh with Sabina, which Minxi and Rebekah awkwardly parroted as well, before assuring her, “That might be a little fast. Do you feel like your relationship is going too fast?”

“No! No, I just am sweating from these questions. Why are we talking about this again? I thought we were going to gossip about Namjoon’s romantic life?”

“Unfortunately I don’t think any of us know anything,” Rebekah sighed and let her chin fall onto her hand. “Where do people keep meeting people? I feel like I have zero prospects unless I want to– no, don’t you say it,” she warned Minxi, holding a finger up.

“Now she has to say.”

“You showed me that dating app you were on…”

Alex was relieved when attention turned that way. She felt like she’d made some mistake without even understanding it. Looking around the circle, she wondered if it meant she was spending too much time with dudes lately. Most of her freetime was with Hoseok and whatever remained was kind of just at home with Jungkook. Maybe she needed to carve out time for more than just texting and the occasional dinner with these girls…

Her phone chirped in her pocket and she yanked it out to see a message from Hoseok saying he was swinging by his place to shower before he came over –understandable since the mocha and espresso tended to seep into your hair and skin while you worked. Her friends were used to her smelling like coffee and chocolate but Hoseok was very particular about how he smelled and looked. No shiny face, no powder behind the ears, and definitely no smelling like work.

There were also notifications for etsy, Tumblr, ebay, Twitter, and Snapchat. She dismissed most of them but opened Snap because the notif mentioned Jungkook was someone who’d shared something. What could he possibly be snapping while he cooked just in the other room?

The selfie had Jungkook looking dramatically to the side, showing Jimin, Taehyung, and Namjoon in the background with the caption: me and bros cooking dinner for some lucky bitches

A next photo showed Jungkook twisting his shirt into his fist to more clearly show the outline of his shoulder and chest muscles and a little bit of skin above his shorts, a few hairs of the treasure trail he’d once admitted to her he wished was more manly and thicker. Taehyung had noticed the photo being taken; he was looking over his shoulder at Jungkook, grinning, devilishly handsome, a casual upstage to Jungkook’s try-hard fuckboy antics. And yet Alex’s attention lingered on her dumb friend. Why was he posting suddenly? Because she’d teased him about horny DMs?

Alex leaned in close to Rebekah and pouted her lips and threw up a peace sign for a photo as Rebekah quickly played along without knowing what for. What a good sport. Alex didn’t often post anything to Snapchat but added it now with the caption: it’s us. We bitches.

“Hey,” Rebekah complained, seeing it.

“You don’t want to be JK’s bitch?”

“Obviously not,” Rebekah scoffed but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Alex obviously didn’t comment. She had hoped Rebekah’s little crush on Jungkook would fade in time as she saw more of his fuckboy antics, but either Rebekah was intrigued by his behavior –so very different than any guy she’d ever dated– or she’d been able to see the charming, likable greasy Shrek behind the fuckboy antics.

Shrek. Yeah. He was definitely a Shrek.

At the same time her photo posted, Jungkook posted another, holding a spoon of sauce towards the phone camera, eyebrow cocked, tongue pressed to form a bulge in the side of his mouth: want to taste?

Now she laughed and leaned close to show Rebekah, who was whining wanting to know what was going on.

“It’s just a mouthful of sauce,” Alex snickered.

“Um… I think he means cum.”

Alex didn’t know what was funnier, hearing Rebekah say ‘cum’ or Rebekah thinking Alex didn’t get the joke.

“Yeah but just eating a mouthful of that sauce would be gross, so he’s making it seem like a mouthful of his cum would also be gross–”

“Wouldn’t it be?” Minxi asked. “Isn’t a mouthful of anyone’s pretty gross? I realize I’m outing myself here but–”

In’am shrugged, “You get used to it. If you swallow quickly you don’t have to deal with the mouthful part.”

“Or just let it dribble down your chin if you don’t like the taste or texture in your mouth,” Sabina suggested, dragging a finger down her chin. “They like that.”

“All of them?” Rebekah clarified.

“All of them,” Sabina nodded.

Alex made a mental note. She had not given Hoseok a blowjob yet, worried about messing up their enjoyable sex by showing too much of her inexperience too quickly. Hoseok hadn’t seemed bothered at all when she’d admitted she didn’t have vast experience. While he didn’t exactly disclose his own –maybe for the best– he was patient and vocal when she did something he liked. Obviously it was time to step it up soon though, right? He’d gone down on her. She didn’t want him to start thinking she was never going to return the favor, and it would probably take her some time to get good at it!

Obviously she had lied to Jungkook about it when he’d started to tease that she let Hoseok do all the work. And now she was paranoid about it! Damnit, she needed to blow her boyfriend and soon so he wouldn’t be thinking the same thing.

“What are you guys talking about?” Jungkook asked, suddenly leaning down on his forearms on the couch between Alex and Rebekah.

“Your gross cum,” Alex smiled at him.

“It’s definitely not gross.”

“It is though.”

“I don’t think you know anything about it,” he retorted.

“I know what cum is like,” she cried defensively, hitting his arm to try and knock him off the couch.

“Not mine.”

“It’s not special,” she returned.

“This is a lot,” Minxi murmured. “They’re weird, aren’t they?”

“Yes, they’re weird,” In’am assured her. “Nothing new here.”

“The results of the science experiment when a boy and a girl live together platonically for too long…”

“Hey,” Jungkook said, turning his glare to Minxi. “We’re golden.”

“Yeah? You’ve adapted to your new dad?”

“Hobi and I get along fine,” Jungkook said and Alex wondered if it sounded like a lie to anyone else. They still had not spent any real time together since that failed arcade date except for a couple awkward evenings watching tv at the apartment that Jungkook had mostly left during the middle of anyway. Booty calls or whatever.

It wasn’t that they didn’t get along, but she got the distinct feeling from things he said and did that Jungkook still expected Hoseok to be uppity or patronizing or something, just because he was older and had a corporate job, even though he’d given up that corporate job! She thought he was kind of threatened by Hoseok. She understood Jungkook masked shyness and insecurity behind the fuckboy antics but she didn’t see what that had to do with Hoseok! Hobi was definitely not doing anything to try to make Jungkook feel bad about himself.

Hoseok happened to walk through the door right that second and Jungkook shouted, “Speak of the devil! Hey man, glad you could make it!” He turned and went right up to Hobi and threw his arms around her bemused, slightly stunned boyfriend. Of course Hoseok returned the hug, even wrapped his arms tighter around Jungkook and squeezed, as if this was a perfectly normal greeting.

“J-kaaay,” he cheered. “How’s it going, man? Hey, did you find out about that commission competition yet?”

Jungkook’s face lit up, “Oh, Alex told you about that? Yeah, dude, I fucking won!”

“Hey hey, winner J-kaaay,” Hoseok grinned and they high-fived.

Alex sighed and covered her face and slumped down on the couch as all four girls laughed at what they were seeing. It wasn’t that it was fake; obviously Jungkook and Hoseok were both good people and knew they needed to get along for her sake. It just felt like a performance though.

“Yeah, JK is getting along great with his new dad,” she grumbled.

“It takes time,” wise In’am assured her. “At least they’re trying.”

Trying here meant that Jungkook was talking Hoseok’s ear off and he hadn’t even gotten to say hello to Alex yet. It was cute he was so excited about winning after being second each time for like two years now, but couldn’t he wait five minutes?

“Hey, he’s my boyfriend, let me say hi,” she pouted in their direction. Hoseok was still smiling and nodding at what Jungkook said, but came closer to bend down over the back of the couch and kiss her on the cheek. Just the right level of PDA she felt comfortable with in front of her friends.

“--anyway, it’s a nice little payout,” Jungkook said, unbothered. “Maybe I’ll take someone special up to Lakeville now, huh? You can give me some pointers.”

“I think we like different things,” Hoseok told him. Which was kind of a weird response, Alex thought. Jungkook must have thought so too because he immediately stopped talking and tilted his head, eyebrows pinched.

“Do we?”

“He means he gets seasick on the water,” Alex suggested, not sure if that was actually what Hoseok had meant. But it must have been! “But you love the water.”

“Oh, yeah, I do.”

“Hey JK,” Namjoon called. “Something’s not looking right… can you come look?”

“Oh, yeah– hey, why don’t you come too, Hobi? We could use another guy in there who knows what he’s doing.”

“Oh I don’t actually know anything about cooking,” Hoseok admitted, cheeks appling up like when he was bashful about something.

“Oh, I thought Alex was always saying the food at your place–”

“My roommate is great.”

“Yeah, Seokjin is amazing, we should bring him over next time, actually!” Alex agreed.

Jungkook nodded, “Yeah yeah. Ok well, we could use your help in the kitchen.” He shrugged and walked off, but the request was clear.

Hoseok gave Alex a warm smile, an obvious I’m doing this for you message embedded, and waved, “Ladies, nice to see you. I will talk more after I have assisted the men.”

“Good luck.”

“Watch out for Namjoon or Taehyung with knives, for different reasons!”

“Wait, what?”

But he went anyway, and Alex realized she’d been tense for no reason. Hoseok was going to have no problem fitting in here; he already did! He would just be the new guy for a little longer but if Namjoon had some new friend he was going to bring by, Hoseok would then be just another one of the group. That made her really happy to think of. She thought Hoseok’s friends were great, but they did spend more time with them than with her own, and she’d like to be able to go back and forth, or even mingle them!

Mingling was nice. Alex liked not having to choose. She loved that when they all sat down at tables or on the couch to finally eat the food, Hoseok was right there in the middle of conversations. She liked that he had a good memory and would ask people about things they’d mentioned before. He was just so social compared to her. She wasn’t as good at that kind of thing, she just kind of hung back until she found her place, but Hoseok knew how to mold a group. He had such an easy time finding things to talk about with everyone. He was just really so great! He didn’t even fuss when Taehyung and Jungkook teased him during cleanup for suggesting they boil the forks to get the tines really clean.

“It can be hard to wash in between,” he explained.

Namjoon waved his hand, “Nah, it’s good, I have a dishwasher.”

“Ah, ok, but handwashed is cleaner… ok, if you say so!” Hoseok laughed and stepped aside as In’am, Sabina, and Rebekah loaded things up.

“Hobi and Jin keep their place very clean,” Alex explained. “He’s the pro at knowing how to clean anything.”

“So how exactly does that work with you?” Jimin teased.

“I’m not dirty!”

“No comment,” Hoseok grinned, then seemed to realize he had made a different joke than he meant to as Jungkook choked on his saliva and leaned heavily against the counter like he’d been shot and didn’t know whether to cry or puke. “No no I was just trying to make a joke about– nevermind. Nevermind!”

“Adorable,” Sabina snickered. “You two are so cute.”

“He’s rubbing off on you. I thought your room looked a lot cleaner than it used to–”

“No one better be rubbing off on anyone in my house,” Namjoon said to a chorus of boo’s and shoves. Alex grimaced but held back the need to apologize to Hoseok for her crude friends. That’s how they were. She thought they were funny! He’d never seemed too bothered by it anyway.

Suddenly Jungkook reached forward and wrapped his arms around Hoseok, agreeing, “Yeah, man, you gotta be good with Alex, none of that kind of stuff.”

“Hey, you don’t know what I’m into!” Alex jokingly defended. But it was lost, because now Hoseok and Jungkook were both laughing about… Jungkook being her brother and he needed to defend her? They were sort of play-wrestling? Just right in the middle of the kitchen. It was so… weird. She felt like she’d missed something important.

Alex shared a grimace with Minxi and Taehyung. Gross. Had she really understood that right?

“Ok, whatever you weirdos, let’s go do… something else,” she said, trying to wedge her way between them. It was hard to break them up at first and then they were both laughing from the hug-tussle. “You’re both really fucking weird right now.”

“No no,” Hoseok insisted. “Am I flushed? I only had one glass of wine –I’m a lightweight,” he confessed to her friends.

“I’m not,” Jungkook announced proudly.

“Yeah but you’re on your fourth beer or something,” Taehyung pointed out, handing him the bottle.

“Third. I’ve gotta be up early for the gym before work…” Jungkook patted his belly, whether to check the beer volume or fondle his own abs.

“Why are you having three beers at a dinner party?” she scolded.

“Uh, to celebrate my commission win? The guys get it,” he told her, waving his hand to dismiss her and turning to clink his beer bottle with Jimin’s. Alex did not like that dismissal.

“Yeah, right, not like I made you some brownies to celebrate or anything,” she huffed, because she had. Pot brownies. They didn’t do that kind of thing often but it was celebration and they were supposed to enjoy those together soon but if he was going to be weird suddenly–

“Hey baby, I know, don’t pout at me about it. We said tomorrow!”

Hoseok suddenly choked on his water beside her. She turned and pounded on his back until he’d stopped coughing.

“You ok?” she asked.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m great,” Hoseok nodded. “I’ll get some more water I think– were we going to watch a comedy show or something–”

“I’ll get the water,” Alex told him, Jungkook forgotten as she took his glass. “Go get us seats before the other couples take all the good ones.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll clear off the love seat for the three of us,” Jungkook said, backhanding Hoseok in the stomach and taking off.

Within seconds they were alone in the kitchen, and Hoseok leaned close and asked, “Hey uh… does he always call you ‘baby’?”

“Huh?” The retort came out obnoxious sounding even to her own ears.

“He just called you baby and used this… voice…”

“Oh.” Alex rolled her eyes hard. “Yeah, he does that to mock me, goes into his little fuckboy lines. Don’t worry about that, it’s just him being stupid.”

“Ah, ok.”

“You ok snuggling with me while we watch this? Sometimes I laugh too loud… that really witchy one…”

“Remember who you’re dating, baby,” he assured her, his smile taking up his face again as he leaned down to kiss her. “I like that laugh!”

“Oh I remember who I’m dating. I have a midday shift tomorrow…”

“Oh? How convenient… I don’t work until late too…”

“Guys!’

“Guys you’re going to miss it!”

“They’re kissing, leave them alone.”

Jungkook’s voice was clear, “Hey assholes, get your booties in here or I’m farting on all your seats!”

“Does he really get laid all the time?” Hoseok asked.

“Bitches be dumb,” Alex snickered, then quickly clarified, “I don’t mean that seriously, obviously their poor taste is not necessarily a reflection on their intelligence or their worth as people.”

Hoseok laughed all the way to the couch with her, arm around her waist. Jungkook had indeed saved them the two spaces to wedge in with him on the loveseat, though Alex had to shove his legs out of the way. It was a cozy fit for three people, to say the least.

“This only works because you’re the size of a peanut,” he told her.

“Curves of one too,” Hoseok added.

“I will murder you both–”

“Hey-o!” Jungkook laughed and held his hand up for Hoseok to high-five. After a brief hesitation, he did. Jimin started to laugh into In’am’s shoulder and she curled him against her and patted his back,

“There there, babe, the comedy special hasn’t even started yet.”

The comedy special was funny. Alex laughed. Not always sincerely, because she was literally wedged in between two boisterous loud laughing guys who kept jostling each other around her. But she enjoyed it! She was just also glad when it was over and she could squeeze out like toothpaste as anyone who’d stayed for the whole thing gathered their stuff to head out. Namjoon was barely awake in the chair, which was kind of endearing. Sleepy grandpa.

“I’ll follow you home?” Alex asked, nudging Hoseok playfully in the chest. “You ok to drive?”

“Ah, I was optimistic, a friend actually dropped me here, I don’t have my car…” Hoseok admitted, not looking sorry about it.

“Wait, I need a ride home,” Jungkook said, grabbing her arm. “I came with you.”

“Ok you can take my– no, you can’t drive,” she sighed. He nodded, then shook his head. Not trashed or anything, but definitely not going to be driving himself home. Also why should she pay for a cab just so he could borrow her car? That was a dumb suggestion.

“Ok… guess we’re dropping JK at my place first.”

“Would you rather stay at your place?” Hoseok asked.

“Oh. no, we don’t have to– I know you aren’t as comfortable at my place…” They said their goodbyes and headed out, Jungkook trailing silently behind.

“I don’t mind.”

“You’ve never spent the night at my place. Jungkook snores.”

“Close enough to hear?!”

“It was a joke…”

“Ah…”

“Slumber party?” Jungkook asked, suddenly slinging his arms around their shoulders. Or trying to. The height difference left him lop-sided and they all stumbled down the concrete steps to Alex’s car on the curb.

“Yes, but not one you’re invited to, babe,” she teased, poking him hard in the ribs.

“Really? Lame. I’ve got a full poker chip set and a sweet deck of cards, we could play for jellybeans– me and Alex have matching kigurumi.”

She’d wanted to make a joke about how she and Hoseok would be fucking soon but she chickened out and just scolded, “Close your mouth and get into the backseat.”

“Fuck yeah.”

“No not fuck yeah,” she laughed. “God, you are sick! You’re back there alone.”

“Uh huh, ok–”

“Don’t you have a girl to call if you’re lonely?”

“Nah, I think your snap about being the bitch I was cooking for scared them all off tonight,” he lamented as he flopped down into it, shoving her jackets and a beachball and an overflowing bag out of the way. She didn’t have backseat passengers often.

“Didn’t I just send that to you?!”

“Nah, and I added it to mine.”

“Why?!”

“Dunno, man,” Jungkook said and stretched and yawned. “Take me home!”

Alex shook her head but Hoseok was smiling and had his phone out, already sorting through for some music to listen to. That seemed like a great idea. If Jungkook kept rambling, they’d just turn the volume up.

He didn’t, and she actually thought he fell asleep back there, but when she’d glance through the rearview mirror, he was just staring out the window, mouthing along to the lyrics, streetlights flickering across his face.

Jungkook thought it would be less annoying to have Hoseok spend the night at their place rather than have Alex off doing who knew what at his. But it wasn’t less annoying to know they were in her bedroom fucking. He hated that he knew that, even though he couldn’t hear anything from his bedroom.

It was the alcohol, he knew that. He’d had four beers in a couple hours and while he had a high tolerance, he didn’t know why he’d done that. It just made sense at the time.

And now Hoseok was fucking her and tomorrow Jungkook would go to ask Alex something and she’d be sitting on the edge of the bed she’d been recently fucked in and that just bothered him right now. She better change her sheets immediately. He kept his sheets clean for the times she came in and threw herself down on his bed and started snacking or talking or both. Maybe he wasn’t the cleanest guy about everything but he kept his bed clean. He wasn’t going to make Alex roll around in the sweat and sex of another woman.

He couldn’t hear anything. Were the walls really that sound-proof or was she quiet? Was sex the only time of her life Alex was quiet? That was a joke. Or maybe Hoseok just wasn’t as good at this as Alex thought. She had a low bar. There must be a way to make her scream–

Jesus. This dry spell had to end. Jungkook got out of bed and paced his bedroom just to move. It was not normal to be this bothered knowing your friend was getting railed in her bed just a few yards away. Good for her! He’d said that before! He’d say it again! Alex deserved that– a happy relationship, good sex. She was his best friend! He wanted all those things for her!

He just didn’t want to lose her, that was all. He knew what people were like once they got partners. If this continued on, at some point she and Hobi would move in together. They’d get married. Jungkook would get left behind and even if he and Alex stayed friends, he knew it would be different. Hobi would be the first one she called to tell things. Hobi would be the one she bickered with about Chef Boyardee. She wouldn’t want the same intimacy she’d had with Jungkook before because she’d have someone new, and he’d have to put up some wider boundaries so as not to cause problems for her, because not everyone could apparently respect their friendship. Some might be threatened by it. Like Hoseok’s reaction when Jungkook had called her baby earlier. It had made Jungkook want to call her baby a thousand more times, right there, and wrap his arms around his gremlin peanut roommate from hell like he always had been able to without issue, and ask if Hoseok had liked that little purple thing because Jungkook had seen it first and knew exactly how banging–

Goddamnit, what was happening to his brain right now? He should have known Alex getting a boyfriend was going to mess with his head. She was his best friend and he liked their life together and in all honesty he wanted to cry at the thought she was taking a step further from him every day she dated Hoseok. That was the truth. Right now he was pacing his room because there were parts of her life he’d never get to be the closest to her in –namely the one that was happening with her boyfriend right now, but other ones too, romantic ones, marriage ones, this whole life she would have with Hoseok– while she didn’t think of him twice because she was busy getting happily split open by Hoseok’s dick– god, he hoped Hoseok didn’t have a big dick the injustice of it would be too much–

Jungkook left his room under the guise of needing to use the bathroom. It was between their rooms. In the dark, he accidentally wandered too far and had to double back. There were no lights under her door and he couldn’t hear anything, and he realized he was stupid, they’d probably already finished, or maybe not even done anything. But obviously they did do things, even if not right here. But there was something comforting about knowing they weren’t doing things right now–

“Oh.” It was the smallest, softest moan by the time it reached his ears. In all honesty, Jungkook wasn’t even sure he’d heard it. Maybe his brain had made it up.

It didn’t matter. Vague images tried to flash through his mind. He replaced them with women he’d fucked, and turned heel and ran back to his room, and grabbed his phone to see who was awake, or who he could meet up with this weekend. He was not going to be weird and lonely while Alex got her brains fucked out every day by her perfect boyfriend. His unintentional off-week had him frustrated and it was making him crazy, he knew that. His brain was mixing up frustrations right now and that was bad bad bad. He should have known this would happen, but he had a hard rule about Alex, and that was that he did not let his brain just pull her into filthy fantasies or use her like that. If he needed a release, there were plenty of women to find who were game for that, and Alex was protected because she was special and had a special place in his life. So if his cock wanted to try and fuck with him right now, reaching for that moan in the dark, he’d just have to stuff it somewhere eles and quickly.

Like the fleshlight Alex had bought him as a birthday gag gift years ago that only saw occasional use. Only in an emergency. Because no one was fucking answering his messages tonight, like none of them went out on a Wednesday night ever! 11:30 was not too late for a booty call!

So maybe Hoseok got a moan out of Alex. So what? Good for her. The fleshlight she’d got him might be a poor replacement for a real woman but it got way more than one moan out of him.

Jungkook groaned as his dick slotted neatly into Geneva’s pussy. He could hear her sigh of relief through his own because for a hot second there it had looked like things were not going to be successful. He’d done a decent job masking the betrayal of his dick with enough foreplay to make her cum once already, but his wrist was cramped up and his lips were getting chapped from making out and the whole point of this was supposed to be draining the dam. He never had to make out with a girl for that long these days!

“There, there, that’s good,” he murmured, grasping her hips and rolling her on top of him. Geneva was particularly good on top, her rhythms always worked him good and her thighs lasted just long enough before they’d start trembling. He loved the look of that, trembling thighs. Her tits jiggled as she rocked, keeping his attention from her grinning face or the way her mouth hung open to make these little ‘oh oh oh’ sighs. Good, this was good!

This was not good. Even as he leaned into the feeling of pleasure, he could feel himself sliding out of her, too limp to stay upright. She noticed it pretty quickly too and slid off him and leaned down to spit and suck, but he could feel her frustration in the sharp suck around his head.

“K, baby, all good,” he said, nudging her head away as it started to hurt.

She pulled off with a pop and sighed, “You’re too drunk.”

“Maybe…”

Yeah, that was true. He was too drunk. Whiskey dick and all that. He’d lost track of how many he had at the bar with Nate and Geneva and a few other coworkers. They never went out, but when he’d sent out a text to some of the colleagues he could tolerate saying he’d buy the first round, all seven had shown up.

That had felt good, to look around the table as people upended their shots. He had friends! Friend who weren’t just Taehyung and Jimin in their happy relationships and Namjoon with his fresh new romance already and Alex with her–

She was out with Hoseok again tonight, he was pretty sure. Two nights bookending the one evening he’d gotten with her this week. This would be a trend now. He’d get one evening a week for a while, and then one a month, and then no evenings. At least if it had been a perfect evening, that would have been something! It was so damn close!

Geneva pushed away and went to pee. Jungkook just lay there for a moment, giving his cock one last chance to rally. It did not, no surprise when he couldn’t think of anything sexy at the moment, just his lazy evening with Alex. They’d eaten the last of the brownies she’d made to celebrate his commission win, lamenting how stale they were until it became funny. They’d splurged on a cab ride to the arcade to keep Thursday tradition up and laughed at their own disrupted game performances, the distraction of twinkling lights, the funnier-than-usual antics of their air hockey matches. They’d caught another cab home, arm wrestling, or really just flat out wrestling in the back seat over which snacks they’d DoorDash, another splurge Jungkook was willing to fund with his commission bonus. He’d bought them all anyway, anything Alex had asked for, but she’d gotten kind of annoyed with him when he’d said something about it he couldn’t really remember now. He didn’t remember what it was. But it hadn’t lasted long because Alex had always been infinitely patient with him and then they were wrestling on the couch to figure out what movie to watch and Jungkook did remember that he had thought if I was Alex’s boyfriend I would not want her wrestling like this with me knowing how much I like it. That had made him laugh but the buzz was wearing off enough not to say that to her and instead they’d watched a movie.

But then, when he’d told her to come sleep in his bed if she wanted… she had said no. She didn’t think that was ok to do anymore now that she had a boyfriend.

It was awkward to get rejected by Alex for something he hadn’t thought was anything wrong. And painful. It sucked.

Probably she was right. He could see how she was right. He had just thought the same thing, hadn’t he?

But it also wasn’t right. He was Jungkook. She was Alex. Shouldn’t a boyfriend just have to accept that?

And he’d seen so clearly suddenly the crumbling of everything he had with her as one thing after another was wrong because she had a boyfriend now and someday there would be nothing left, as soon as she and Hobi realized how much it all meant to him.

That’s what he’d been thinking last night. And those same thoughts came to him tonight as the whiskey poured. And now he lay in the bed of the only sexy female coworker he had, and he’d failed to fuck her good, and that was definitely going to be whispered about at work. His reputation, gone. Alex, gone. She’d even admitted Hoseok didn’t like that Jungkook called her ‘baby.’ Like how fucking threatened was this guy?! He got Alex! Wasn’t that enough? Did he have more demands to make? He needed to just take everything away from Jungkook?

He pushed up and grabbed his pants, at which point Geneva returned and asked without any sadness in her voice, “Oh are you going?”

“Yeah sorry I don’t want to be here anymore,” he answered, then, “Shit. I mean… uh… sorry I got too drunk, maybe another time…”

“It’s ok, you were good with your hand tonight so that’s… something…”

He had a hard time concentrating on her face right now. Everything was kind of blurry and tilting. He stumbled out of her apartment before realizing he still needed to call a cab to take him home because he’d left his car at the bar. Maybe Alex could take him to get it tomorrow. If she was still allowed to now that she’d been dating a guy for three months or four months or whatever it was.

Actually Jungkook knew exactly how long it had been and he hated that his brain remembered things like that but couldn’t remember why he’d unlocked his phone. To get a cab. Right. But he got distracted by Instagram and looked at that and started walking. No posts from Alex about whatever she and Hoseok had done tonight which meant it either wasn’t special or wasn’t the kind of thing you should post on social media about.

He stumbled upon a little park down the road from Geneva’s apartment and even though it was late and he might get mugged, he just walked. It’d suck for the person who tried to mug him anyway; he felt outside of his own body, invincible, he’d love the excuse to beat the shit out of something or someone! And then he’d go home and sulk about it and Alex would freak the fuck out and coddle him and he’d have to pretend to hate it, all of her attention focused on him, the way she’d push his hair back and talk to him like he was a baby because she thought he thought that was funny, and he did think it was funny! Wait, when had he stopped thinking it was a funny joke? The way her tits would dangle in his face and she’d probably press her knee into his spleen as she’d try to adjust the pillows around him. Because in this scenario he was like a Union soldier in the civil war or something apparently. Just as quickly his brain decided they were in an anime instead and her nursing outfit was not leaving much to the–

What was with him lately? Jungkook was glad he was too drunk to feel things right now or he’d be really freaked out by his own inability to get her out of his head lately. He’d had to tuck all of his thoughts about her relationship and his jokes and snide comments and whatever away, because by now he’d had multiple friends tell him he was seeming possessive of her. He wasn’t! He understood she could go meet Prince Charming! He wasn’t surprised Hoseok was falling head over heels in love with Alex! He wasn’t even that surprised Alex was falling in love with Hoseok too because to make it all even more disgusting, Hoseok seemed like a genuinely good guy! And here was Jungkook walking out on a girl he worked with and would have to see again because he couldn’t even keep his dick hard. He was losing, and losing his best friend, and he just didn’t like to lose, and extra didn’t want to lose his best friend.

He pulled his phone out and called her, knowing she wouldn’t answer. He was going to leave her a drunk rambling text message because she’d think it was funny. Maybe tomorrow when she woke up in the arms of Hoseok Jung and decided to finally check her phone to see if her best friend had suffered any debilitating embarrassment or emergencies.

Instead she answered on the second ring, her voice as clear and solid as Jungkook didn’t feel right now, “Koo? Why are you calling me, what’s wrong?”

“I can just call you.”

“Uh….”

“I’m just walking. You know?”

“No, I don’t know,” she said. He adored the suspicion in her voice. “Why are you calling me? Is something wrong? Oh!” She gasped, interrupting as he started to answer. “Is this one of those situations where you need me to make an emergency so you can leave?”

“I already left.”

“Oh.”

“I’m just walking. I’m in a park…”

“Are you ok? Are you high?”

“No. Wait but yes. Uh, ok yes, high no? But drunk yes. Hey Alex can I have a ride or are you fucking?”

“What?”

“Yeah?”

“Jungkook,” she sighed, but in an amused way, like she thought he was funny. “Yeah, I’ll come get you, where are you? Send me your location.”

“Ok. Thanks ba— baloo? Baby beluga.”

“Shut up, I’ll be there in like ten minutes. Don’t get mugged.”

Trying not to call her baby made him want to do it more. Unironically calling her baby. Calling her baby not just because she was the size of one but also because she acted like one– no but also because it made her mad sometimes, if she was trying to do something and frustrated and he called her baby, or because she laughed when he tried to use fuckboy lines on her, which never worked anyway. Worked in the sense of getting her to fuck him. Not that he was trying to get her to fuck him. Alex wasn’t the kind of girl he could just fuck and forget about and she wasn’t the kind of girl who found someone like him actually charming and that was fine, he wasn’t trying to fuck her, he had blocked that whole possibility from his brain years ago.

Look, once upon a time, Jungkook had been a teenage boy, with a teenage girl best friend who was the coolest, funniest person he’d ever met. They liked all the same things. He felt understood by her. She’d had a lot to say at the time about how much she hated her flat hair or her brown eyes or her weight or her big boobs or whatever but Jungkook was just a simple teenage boy who thought she was cute and funny and special. And also obviously big tits were a positive thing. And there had been a moment in time when he’d thought about how he probably should just date and marry Alex because she seemed like the perfect girl to him –they’d made a joke about it actually and then their moms took it way too seriously.

Because there was a really important thing missing in that Alex wasn’t interested in dating him. At first he’d thought maybe Alex just didn’t want to date anyone, but she’d dated a few guys, she’d had a few crushes, she’d even had sex with Yoongi. That all seemed to prove it wasn’t dating, it was him, especially now that she was with Hoseok and fucking all the time and not asexual like he’d convinced himself. He knew she could be shy about guys but she wasn’t shy with him so that wasn’t some secret issue. She loved him, he felt loved by her, in the the most platonic friend way possible. That was precious to him. He knew, even as a teenager, that it was not worth risking that for a what if with an obvious result.

Anyway, being desired was important to him! He needed that! No matter how much he wanted to protect his life with Alex, he knew it could never be complete, not because of sex but becaues of desire. Shallow desire meets deep desire. That was what the goal was for those long term relationships, right? He got all the shallow desire he needed from the women he hooked up with, but it never had that deeper level, and that’s why he was called a fuckboy. Meanwhile Namjoon and his ex married young and in love and stopped having sex long before they gave up on the relationship, maybe that was the opposite.

He and Alex had the deeper desire in spades, he thought, but he could count on his fingers the number of times she’d ever said something sincerely nice about his appearance. She usually made it sound like she couldn’t really understand why other women thought he was hot and ok, maybe it hurt his feelings sometimes but he was shielded by having realized that as a teenager and he was fine with it. Alex was his best friend and honestly that was even rarer and more precious to him than any girlfriend.

He kept thinking the word precious. He thought it was a funny word to use but his brain seemed to be hiccuping with it now, so that when Alex ran up to him, he slung his arm around her shoulder and announced,

“My precious is here!”

“Is that a Gollum reference? You fucking nerd.”

“Don’t go into the park alone, it’s dark,” he said, grinning down at her. “Damn you’re short.”

“Hey! You’re just weird and tall.”

“I wish I was tall,” he sighed. “Maybe in my next life.”

“Nah you’ll probably be shorter because of all your bad deeds.”

“I do the deed good. You don’t know.”

“Is that what you were doing tonight?” she prodded. “Good deeds? Bad deeds?”

“I failed the deed,” he sighed. Then, “You don’t need to know.”

“Yeah I don’t need to know, “ she laughed.

“Did you do the deed? Wait no don’t tell me, I don’t need to know.”

“Yeah, you don’t need to know,” she parroted again. “But what are you so drunk for?”

“Did you leave your boyfriend when I called?”

“Nah. Well, yeah, but I was already heading home anyway, I’ve got an early shift tomorrow.”

“Oh.”

She turned him around, clearly guiding him back to her car, but she held his wrist so his arm stayed around her.

“Were you just out partying? What happened?” Suddenly her voice got very serious as she asked, “Are you… ok? Did something happen?”

“Are you asking if someone took advantage of me?”

“Yeah. Don’t laugh! That can happen to guys too! And I will kill, I’m low to the ground, they’ll never see it coming in their high heels–”

“I like short girls too,” he argued.

“Then it’ll be hand to hand combat, we’ll grapple to the death– ok don’t look so happy about it, we won’t be in jell-o.”

“At least in mud?”

“You don’t want to see that.”

“You don’t know what I want to see.”

“You’ve got a big mouth, Koo. You have kept nothing secret,” she laughed. “Come on, over there–”

“Can we just sit for a little bit?”

“Where, there aren’t any benches and it’s the middle of the night. Technically the park isn’t even open–”

“Remember that time we got kicked out of the park in high school–”

“You don’t have to clarify high school,” she pointed out. “It’s only happened once!”

“I think someone in one of the houses must have called the cops because they saw our flashlights.” They reached her car and she went to unlock the door but Jungkook just sat on the hood and leaned back. It was not comfortable, and the hood was still warm from the engine, but he flopped out and after a moment she came and scrambled up beside him.

“If your ass dents my hood…”

“You’ll never know with all the other dents.”

“Those aren’t my fault! Most of those are those stupid golf balls from Taehyung–”

But Jungkook was back on the park they’d been kicked out of and recalled, “The cops totally thought we were trying to find a place for like a group orgy or something but we were just… just chasing Pokemon…”

“I can’t believe they looked at us and thought we were lying about Pokemon. I wonder if when the game really took off they thought back and were like oh, those kids were telling the truth…”

“But I’ve always thought the funniest part was that they saw the four of us nerdy, awkward teens and were like ‘these kids are definitely going to fuck in a field,’’ Jungkook said. “God my acne was so bad.”

“I know, it was cute,” Alex giggled.

“Shut up, I didn’t want to be cute, I wanted to be hot!”

“Well plenty of girls think you’re hot now!”

“But not you.”

“Who cares what I think?” she demanded. “You said my opinions of who’s hot stopped counting when I liked Daniel Radcliffe.”

“Yeah, what’s wrong with you?”

“What can I say, I love a tragic face scar…”

“I have a tragic face scar,” he pointed out, rolling so she could see it, as if she had never noticed it before.

“The only thing tragic about it was your hand-eye coordination. I know that was from a Hotwheel car to the face.”

“No. It was from a knife fight–”

“You have the eyes of a baby doe, literally no one will believe that.”

“Isn’t a doe already a baby?”

“You’re the expert! I don’t know!”

“You’re like a fluffy little bird I think,” he mused, curled up on his side now. “Always stealing my food and cheeping too early in the morning.”

“Yeah, I’ll accept that. Mess with me and I’ll peck your eyes out–”

“No no, low on the food chain.”

“Hey!”

He laughed. Her outrage was always so funny.

“Hey, you’re really important to me.” He heard the words after he’d said them, but his mouth was already adding, “I don’t know if I ever told you that.”

She just froze and for a moment he feared he had said something way worse.

“Oh god, you’re really trashed, huh? We’re to the philosophical part of your drunk stage…”

“I mean it.”

“Ok ok. Thanks. You’re really important to me too.” She said it so easily though that he worried it wasn’t true. She was just saying that to placate him. Every day he got less important to her and she grew closer with her new perfect boyfriend. Soon all the things she put up with him –the stolen food, the unwashed dishes, the hair in the shower– would be too much. She’d be done living with him in the apartment she didn’t think was nice enough. He knew she deserved better and she was realizing it too.

“Is Hoseok’s apartment really nice?”

“Yeah, I’ve told you it is!”

“Tell me about it.”

“No,” she scoffed. “Let’s go home, you need to sleep it off.”

“Not yet. Let’s just sit here for a few minutes. Please?” He rolled onto his back and looked up, as though to prove he wasn’t going to budge yet.

“It’s late and I’m tired. I have to be up for work at five!”

“Just five minutes,” he begged and took her hand. His stomach dropped as he got this sudden feeling that this was the last moment they’d ever have like this. As if tomorrow she was going to announce her engagement. Maybe she would. Everything was going well. He didn’t know how quickly Alex would move in a relationship but she wasn’t a fuckboy like him so maybe she’d commit quickly. Maybe she was one of those falling fast and hard people. He thought that could be true about her, since he knew she was so soft and gooey on the inside of that punchy, spiky exterior.

“Fine, five minutes,” she mumbled. “The stars look nice tonight.”

They lay there in silence. The silence was a part of them that the others didn’t seem to recognize. They liked to joke that Alex and Jungkook were always teasing, always talking, two noisy old hens together, but the silence was nice too. Jungkook felt his body melt into non-existence, lying on the warm hood of the engine, looking at the stars, Alex’s little clammy hand wrapped up in his. He must have dozed off but he wasn’t aware of it, alcohol tugging his mind here and there like a balloon on a string. He was one content cat for the time being; it was no surprise he dozed off.

Alex woke him, nudging his arm, “All right, Koo, time to go home. I’m going to get in so much trouble if you fall asleep here and I have to drive home without letting you roll off the hood.” She jostled his hand in hers to rouse him.

He rolled onto his elbow, and leaned over, and kissed her.

It just happened.

It just felt like what he needed to do in the moment and his mind on the balloon string felt a tug but not quick enough to redirect.

He kissed Alex, the first kiss they’d ever shared. His sloppy, lazy lips pressed against hers, his free hand bracing himself on the car hood so he wouldn’t crush her. He’d gone in without a breath, without a thought, still half-asleep but with a mission, and had to surface for air shortly.

She hadn’t moved, hadn’t responded in any way, and when he pulled away to see her face, her shock was what made him realize what he’d just done. Her hand pressed against his chest, gently at first, and then more firmly.

“What are you doing?” she asked in the quietest voice. Then, louder, sitting up, shouldering him away from her, “How fucking drunk are you? What– why did you–”

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck, half his brain panicked. The other half suggested you’re halfway in, you gotta commit now. He leaned to try and kiss her again so she’d understand. He landed his mouth on hers again, somehow, and he wanted to believe it was because she let him, but just as quickly she firmly pushed against his chest.

“Stop! I’m not one of your fuck girls– Are you really so drunk you just confused me with–”

“No, Alex, I–”

“We have to go,” she said, scrambling off the hood much more quickly than she’d crawled on. “It’s time to go home. Get in the car, Jungkook.”

“Wait, Alex–”

“Just get in the car,” she said. He slid off the hood and stumbled after her as she fled to the driver’s seat. He didn’t want to scare her but he could tell she was panicking and upset and he hadn’t meant to upset her. He reached for her hand again but dropped it instantly when she shook him off like a fly.

“Wait, Alex, I–”

“Let’s just go home and forget–”

“I think I’m in love with you,” he tried to explain, the words once again leaping past his brain and just launching themselves out there in an attempt to calm her down. Wait. Did he? He didn’t. Well obviously he loved her, but not like that… but did he?!

She froze. He would never be able to say how long they were frozen there like that. Too much alcohol and the surprise of what he’d just doen rendered time eternal. He thought it might have been five minutes but probably it was not.

Finally Alex was re-animated. And she was suddenly madder than he would have expected.

“You think? You suddenly think you’re in love with me? You’ve known me for like twelve years and suddenly you– No. Bullshit! Why the fuck would you say something like that all of a sudden?”

“I…” He couldn’t keep up with what she was saying. She was yelling and his circuit board was shooting off fireworks in its sudden confusion.

“No, you’re not in love with me,” she snapped. “You’re possessive and clingy now because for the first time I have someone else in my life.”

“No, that’s not–”

“You’re just pissy that I’m not sitting around for you to find time to spend with me in between all the girls you fuck, at your beck and call whenever you need a ride or someone to feed you or someone to–”

“That’s not true!”

“Do you think I’m going to fuck you now? Or dump my boyfriend because you kissed me?”

“No. No, I…” He didn’t know what to say. He’d just done it and his brain was all wobbly and dizzy and she was mad at him and he had the sinking realization that he had just fucked up in a way he couldn’t fully comprehend yet because he was definitely very drunk. Damn, he wished he had just blacked out already.

“You don’t have feelings for me, you’re just drunk and horny, but it’s bullshit for you to do… that,” she said, spitting the word out. “That’s not fair. I thought you respected me more than that.”

“I…I do respect– Alex–”

She took a deep breath, like when she was really mad and didn’t want to eviscerate the person in front of her but only because she knew she was too cute for prison.

“Get in the car. It’s time to go home. Keep your mouth shut and to yourself.”

He just stared at her, but she threw her door open and pulled it shut behind her and started the car.

He’d kissed Alex.

But now she was pissed.

And he shouldn’t have done that.

But he wanted to kiss her again.

But with her responding this time. He felt the need for her to kiss him back so badly that it kept him rooted to the spot, the need for it made his stomach hurt.

But she didn’t want to kiss him or be kissed by him.

And he had told her he loved her in a way that felt different than any of the times they had jokingly, casually, friendly said it before, but she didn’t want to hear that either and he wasn’t even sure if it was true. He hadn’t thought that before. Where had that come from?! Sober words made drunk thoughts or– no it was the other way round…

What if she was right that it was only because he was jealous of her having someone, and pulling away, and leaving him, and willing to say and do anything to keep her from going?

And what if that was exactly what was going to happen now anyway?

But what if he really did love her and just had never realized it before because… because why? Why wouldn’t he have noticed it before? That was something you knew. What if he really was just drunk and a selfish, spoiled brat, and he had just kissed his best friend because he couldn’t stand that he wasn’t number one in her life anymore?

That sounded like him. That sounded way more like him. Alex was probably right. She knew him better than anyone in the world. If she said he only kissed her because he was drunk and being a jealous brat about her having a new perfect boyfriend, that was probably true.

She honked the horn and shouted, “Let’s go!”

He hurried around to his side of the car and tumbled into his seat.

t was a quiet ride home. He wished he could doze off again but he was awake for every excruciating minute of silence as he sobered up and regretted everything. Regretted calling her. Regretted kissing her. Regretted that stupid thing he’d said about being in love with her.

Regretted that the longer he lay awake thinking about it that night, knowing she was fuming in her own bed and would definitely never be in his again, the more he thought it might actually be true.

Previous Chapter | Masterlist | Next Chapter

#jungkook x oc #jeon jungkook x oc #jungkook smut #jungkook f2l #jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #bangtan smut #bts smut #jungkook fanfiction #fuckboy au #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook series #jungkook/reader #jungkook/oc #jungkook #tellmewhatchanged #tell me what changed #tmwc

211 notes · View notes

joviantwelve · 1 year

Text

beat the Live A Live remake...I bought it when it came out but my ADHD ass didn't wanna play it until I braced myself fully for all the secret bosses, because I wanted to be completionist this time around...

...was very worth it though! what a good fucking game! everything they added made it even better; the QoL to the battle system alone is just huge. ("there were weaknesses and resistances in this game??" I say, having literally beaten the original)

almost feel like I should get a music player on my blog again so I can throw the new mix of Megalomania up there, because I had it on my blog like 10 years ago and had asks like "oh my god what is that song from??" LMFAO. full circle

I wish every cult classic could get another shot at life with this much love and care. and hey, now it's on Steam, so this is me telling you you have no excuse!!

full game spoilers below, but I had a few screenshots I wanted to take. also some additional, equally spoilery commentary:

...mostly of boss kills, because I started with Prehistory (I like going chronologically, it pleases my brain), so I figured "well I'm grinding forever to take down the mammoth, as well as other superbosses I heard were Hard, I might as well get screenshot trophies of everything"

poop throw MVP

adding voice acting really makes you confront a few things. why did they make ou di wan lee sound hot.

oh my god FUCK THIS SWORD GUY. I was trying to go for oboromaru no kill route so I had to just...grind on ghosts...then this ghost sword guy keeps killing my ass...sob...sob...I actually almost gave up here

then I didn't

the fish was so much easier in comparison man

oboromaru why is your chapter like this

then I blanked and didn't take a picture of killing gamahebi because I was too overcome by the fact I 1) successfully did the no kill run and 2) never have to do this again

awarded myself with gay cowboys next. I didn't go into this thinking "time to award myself with gay cowboys" but like, I last played this game before I realized I was gay. so like. it kind of just hit me all at once. oh no this Did something to me didn't it

I took this screenshot because I was stoned as hell and mad dog's stupid little smug gayboy pose just really got me

hey can I also say I just really like the HD2D style? I never played Octopath so this was my first....and like...this really fucking blows pretty much any SNES FF remake out of the water. I know they don't do this for every game because of Budget I'm sure, but like, God I Wish Every SNES Square RPG Could Get This Treatment

gay???????????

is it just me or is odie o'bright the hardest final boss of the individual character chapters????? fuck this guy

out of context live a live

I love that they added voice to the combat too. hearing Akira go "YOU SUCK!" in a giant mech as he evades an attack is just

so fucking funny to hear in a final boss fight

ok OD-10 had THE biggest glow-up though

every time my eyes got to grace this battlefield/boss I was like mMMmMMMMMMMM

normal final boss fight :)

i love masaru he's just a completely normal dude

THE FINAL CHAPTER HAS SO MANY EXTRA BOSSES AHHH.

FISH 2

actually can I just say I LOVE how they localized the middle ages to be all shakespearean

which means that not only do oersted/odio get to be the hugest drama queens, every boss in the area in general just has the most delightful dialogue

FFXIV has taught them well. did you know the dialogue in FFXIV is NOT like that in japanese?! I can't even imagine

it was around this point that I realized doing EVERY character dungeon probably overleveled me hardcore

and, in that respect, I can see why you may have accidentally stumbled upon the fact that running from 100 encounters nets you a secret boss. I got sick of that shit around when Lei was one-shotting everything first turn

but.

not in a bad way necessarily. like I knew going in this was definitely going to happen since I'm doing EVERYTHING in a chapter where you can technically bumrush the final boss of the game

so I guess my advice is, if you find the battle system a bit difficult during boss fights, leveling solves most ills

the other ills can be taken care of by Cube

I admit I didn't vibe so much with Pure Odio upon first playthrough, mostly because it's hard to compete with Megalomania being there, but I really vibed with the new mix

but THEN

but THEN!!!!

they EXPANDED ON THE FINAL BOSS FIGHT???! HUH???

(ME LOSING MY MIND)

it's like something out of fanfic??? in the best way??? just this small little thing that really makes an impact on the character arc BUT NOT in a way that destroys anything that was there previously

just a small little detail...this is what I kinda wish for more remakes honestly?? expansion isn't BAD. some of the issues with modern remakes of games from 20 years ago is that they DON'T change anything. being TOO loyal can hurt sometimes

also oersted's VA just fuckin KILLED it good job my dude

gay cowboy dad giving the saddest boy in the universe some sympathy

these credits were really nice. always gotta love Montage Credits

OH....WUH...WAHHH....

AND THEN

THE TITLE SCREEN!!!!!!!!!!!

WHHWAHHWAAHHHHHHHHHHH

live a live is so good.....................

i'm so glad this game can reach more people now. definite 10/10

#text #screencap

9 notes · View notes

stormyoceans · 2 years

Note

[VICE VERSA episode 6 parts 1&2]

“It’s life to meet and part” … and meet again, since you fake-out bastards come back

Omg this scene confused the shit out of me before they revealed it’s a whole-ass brain production by one lovesick Puen

Good thing it /is/ a fantasy because I would’ve kicked his ass so hard for tossing the popcorn

Damn, dream!Talay wants to stop watching the movie and “get ready for bed”, that popcorn disaster really did it for him huh

DID HE REALLY SPELL OUT THE WHOLE THING TO TALAY IRL????

AND TALAY EVEN CALLS HIM OUT ON BEING A PERVERT

PUEN’S BEING SO HONEST ABOUT HOW HE FEELS, GOOD FOR HIM!!!!

“Seeing you 24/7 is heartwarming” my heart

Oh right I forgot there was an intro

OH OH OH OHHHHH

The drums are my favorite part of this song they’re so good man

What is wrong with that damn megane lady

Instead of asking where Puen is the Nurse should’ve told Megane to get a life

“I haven’t seen him for a week” Jesus

Then again this is probably the way Puen thinks about Talay asldkjfkld

Why is Talay such a stick in the mud sometimes, fuck your game and play the guitar

I say as someone who loves gaming and gave up on playing the piano

(that was waaaaay back when I was a kid tho)

I’m so glad exams are a thing of the past, oh my god, fuck school

Tess’s friends getting all confused because their obnoxious friend got all solemn

But it’s nice that they took him seriously and came to cheer him up

Since Tess himself sure wouldn’t lmao

How often are you gonna repeat the “if this movie was aired in our universe” line omg

WHY IS HIS FRIEND SLEEPING THERE

AND HIS OTHER FRIEND THERE

So THAT’S the context for him jumping on the bed in the intro, I completely forgot

Yeah so the behavior Puen is exhibiting right now is not healthy, this is where he should indeed be spending time with others

Puen, put something on, god

I loooove it when Talay shows his considerate and caring side ughughugh

HUG!!!! I LOVE HUGS!!!!!

Also, FORESHADOWING OF THE CLIMATIC HUG???

“I stayed in. I didn’t contact anyone. I didn’t go anywhere” YOU WERE HEADIN’ STRAIGHT FOR DEPRESSION THIS IS SERIOUSLY NOT GOOD

“I couldn’t resist seeing you” You’re still allowed to SEE EACH OTHER!!!!

And if parting (to see each other next time) hurts that badly I /need/ you to get help

Talay immediately wants the dirt aksdfj

Puen looks like he needs a shower, when was the last time young man

“I like when you eat” I like when YOU take care of yourself

Is Up’s “foul mouth” a lost in translation thing? He was fine to me

I wonder if the high-five miss was a legitimate mistake and the actors just went with it lmao

Puen protecting the cookies for Talay lmao

Also wait their first movie failed even though we know Puen wrote the script from the heart so I guess Thailand just hates love

TALAY BEING IN LOVE!!!!

Oh my god if he did that to my ear he wouldn’t be in love because he’d be dead

Hey guys you know what else makes one tired? Se–

Talay putting his hand on Puen’s wrist ;;;;

Talay: I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IIIIIIS

Omg this scene confused the shit out of me before they revealed it’s a whole-ass brain production by one lovesick Puen <<<<< LITERALLY WILL NEVER STOP LOSING MY GOD DAMN MIND OVER THIS LIKE PUEN REALLY DID COME UP WITH AN ENTIRE SCENARIO IN HIS HEAD ABOUT HIM AND TALAY LIVING TOGETHER AND IT WAS SO REALISTIC NONE OF US EVEN DOUBTED IT WASN'T ACTUALLY HAPPENING BECAUSE IN PUEN'S MIND THEIR RELATIONSHIP WOULD VERY MUCH STAY THE SAME EVEN IF THEY WERE TOGETHER. THEY WOULD STILL BICKER AND BANTER AND TEASE EACH OTHER BUT ALSO KISS AND BANG AND BE BOYFRIENDS. GOD IT'S ME AGAIN DON'T HANG UP IM IN A SITUATION

Damn, dream!Talay wants to stop watching the movie and “get ready for bed”, that popcorn disaster really did it for him huh <<<<< PUEN MADE HIM SAY THAT WITH THE MOST STUGGESTIVE TONE AND EXPRESSION TOO HE REALLY WAS ABOUT TO MAKE TALAY AS HORNY AS HE IS

DID HE REALLY SPELL OUT THE WHOLE THING TO TALAY IRL???? <<<<< YEP. YEAH. LIKE I REALLY NEED YOU TO LET THAT SINK IN FOR A SECOND. PUEN JUST SPENT 5 WHOLE MINUTES REVEALING TO TALAY ALL OF HIS ROMANTIC DOMESTIC HALF HORNY FANTASIES DOWN TO THE DETAILS AND TALAY STILL THINKS HE'S DOING IT FOR THE BIT. AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY DID I GO CRAZY JUST BLAME THESE TWO

“Seeing you 24/7 is heartwarming” my heart <<<<< puen really has been wanting to spend his entire time with talay since the beginning and yes it's because he's in love but he also just enjoys talay's company so much IM 🤧🤧🤧

Mm, I’m split on Talay’s “you should see others too” because yes it’s NEVER a good idea to obsessively attach yourself to just one person but on the other hand Talay probably doesn’t realise Puen’s just super-in-love <<<<< talay saying that always makes me want to tear my hair out in frustration and at the same time it's the reason why episode 7 is so emotionally satisfying to me, because he really Does Not Get It yet, how deep puen's feelings run and how honest he's being and how much he wishes for them to have a future together. at this point their attitude towards being each other's portkey also changed from the beginning, with puen now wanting and believing that to be true and talay thinking they should look for someone else, and you can sense the tension building and building until it's going to snap next ep

Oh right I forgot there was an intro <<<<< not to be disgustingly biased once again but vice versa best intro of the year i haven't skipped it ONCE in all the times i've rewatched the show

“I haven’t seen him for a week” Jesus <<<<< I SWEAR PEOPLE IN LOVE ARE SO ANNOYING THEY HAVEN'T SEEN EACH OTHER FOR A WEEK AND THEY'RE ACTING LIKE IT'S BEEN YEARS AND THERE'S AN ENTIRE OCEAN SEPARATING THEM WHEN TUN'S FAMILY'S PLACE IS PROBABLY JUST A TOWN OVER Y'ALL ARE SO EMBARRASSING ✋😭

Why is Talay such a stick in the mud sometimes, fuck your game and play the guitar <<<<< talay CAN be a bit harsh and uptight sometimes but he always ends up feeling bad and making up for it because in the end he can't really say no to puen (good luck with that talay sfjksgdksg)

I’m so glad exams are a thing of the past, oh my god, fuck school <<<<< BIG SAME TBH that's not a period of my life i want to revisit

Tess’s friends getting all confused because their obnoxious friend got all solemn // But it’s nice that they took him seriously and came to cheer him up <<<<< i swear kita and fuse are SUCH GOOD HOMIES and they care so much for their friend even if from their point of view he changed a lot and doesn't spend a lot of time with them anymore TESS DOESN'T DESERVE THEM

WHY IS HIS FRIEND SLEEPING THERE // AND HIS OTHER FRIEND THERE <<<<< tess' bed is big enough to fit the three of them but talay really said puen is the only person allowed to sleep next to me y'all can take the floor ✋

Yeah so the behavior Puen is exhibiting right now is not healthy, this is where he should indeed be spending time with others <<<<< this is something i haven't really talked about because a lot of people don't have the most positive feelings towards puen and i don't want to look like im justifying everything he does but tbh i think some of his behaviors tell a lot about the state of his mental health. there's a reason why he didn't want to go back to be himself and his real life, there's a reason why he went as 'tun' for so long and didn't tell talay his real name, and it has a lot to do with the fact that he never really liked being 'puen'. as soon as he loses the things and people that keeps him anchored (talay, up, aou, the screenwriting) he goes back to self-destructive behaviors that the show can't really explore in depth but are definitely there (like you mention in another comment i do think puen has struggled with depression in the past and i think the drink and drive is also a manifestation of that)

HUG!!!! I LOVE HUGS!!!!! // Also, FORESHADOWING OF THE CLIMATIC HUG??? <<<<< HUGS ARE THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD AND IM SO HAPPY PUENTALAY HAS LOTS OF THEM. it's also interesting to notice that in this episode there's definitely a big emotional shift in talay, who went from 'i don't like to be hugged' to hug puen basically in every episode from now on

“I couldn’t resist seeing you” You’re still allowed to SEE EACH OTHER!!!! <<<<< THEY REALLY ARE SO OVER DRAMATIC THEY STARTED COUNTING MINUTES AND SECONDS I HATE THEM ACTUALLY

Puen looks like he needs a shower, when was the last time young man <<<<< don't worry he's gonna ask talay to give him one soon

Is Up’s “foul mouth” a lost in translation thing? He was fine to me <<<<< i think talay mentioned that as something he missed from up in general, because usually up speaks very rudely (tho it's definitely something that doesn't translate as much in english because as a language it doesn't have all the different tones and polite particles that thai has)

I wonder if the high-five miss was a legitimate mistake and the actors just went with it lmao <<<<< im pretty sure it was an actual miss from the actors that they kept in the show!!! i think something like that happened at the end of episode 5 too, when up slapped the back of aou's head and aou's glasses fell on his face!!!

Puen protecting the cookies for Talay lmao <<<<< talay jokingly says he likes something ONCE and the next day he gets home to find the house filled to the brim with it hashtag true story

TALAY BEING IN LOVE!!!! <<<<< PHYSICALLY COMBUSTING EVERY TIME I SEE THE BED SCENE BECAUSE IT'S JUST!!!!!! SO MUCH!!!!!! talay saying what he missed about puen not because puen is listening but just because he feels like saying it and everything he lists being just so inherently PUEN and not linked to the body he inhabits IM SORRY BUT THIS IS SIMPLY SO HIGH ROMANCE TO ME IF YOU SEE A HOODED FIGURE WANDERING THE STREETS WAILING DON'T BE AFRAID IT'S JUST ME

Oh my god if he did that to my ear he wouldn’t be in love because he’d be dead <<<<< sfjksgdj i've never had anyone touching my ears like that so idk how i'd react to it but i think at this point talay is so gone he'd let puen do anything to him [wink wink nudge nudge]

Hey guys you know what else makes one tired? Se– <<<<< i was about to say something but then i remembered talay suggested to pat puen's back and bum to help him get sleepy and puen was so on board with that....... UNBELIEVABLE

Talay: I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IIIIIIS <<<<< at this point im pretty sure that's puentalay's go to karaoke song choice sfjksgf

#episode 6 really did something to my brain and i think it shows #also you love manga i love manga. you love games i love games. not to scare you off but i think we are meant to be besties #(though when it comes to videogames i mostly watch playthrough rather than play them myself ;;;;;;;)#vera and monica watch vice versa #m: ask

5 notes · View notes

booperbeanv3 · 2 years

Note

IDK IF I COUNT AS A MUTUAL BUT PLEASE INFORM ME ABT THE AU YOU SPEAK OF,,,,, I’m running out of writing ideas (lie)

basically it's a teen-sitcom-style modern au. title is a work in progress but i've been thinking of writing out myself bc i just think it would be really funny

tankoubon kinda thing with a backing plot [when will the gays get together] but it's mostly just banter: the novel

ages are. idk yet but susato is probably early to mid teens and kazuma/ryuunosuke are late teens [they're deaged bc the 7 year age difference would mean either susato is super young or asoryuus are too old for funnie teen shit]

protag/pov chara is susato bc i think it would be funny. the story starts at some sorta out-of-context asoryuu bit and the whole "freeze. let's rewind to the ACTUAL beginning" thing happens

[exposition below]

a few weeks ago kazuma came back from school after the speech competition he was preparing for for a while. he is absolutely livid. sorta at everything, mostly himself bc he flubbered up the last bit and "Will Forever Bear The Shame On His Shoulders" [basically normal canon]

he starts ranting about how his "guaranteed win" is now no longer guaranteed ["oh that's a shame you're very clear and reasonable about your opinions" "ik susato but let me finish"] and that instead of him some... guy ended up getting the lead instead

this. didn't make him mad actually. he just felt really intense during the whole thing

like yeah he had a good speech and the way he spoke was pleasing to listen to. he has a smooth way of speaking that goes really nicely over the ear. but seriously? he would've totally done better if he didn't fuck up

so then he's like "there is something about him that's sticking out to me and it bothers me because he is [quite literally] SO boring. he bothers me so much and every time i pass by him i have this urge"

"to what?"

"to... i don't know. i think i hate him"

cue susato internal facepalm. "maybe talk to him about it"

"yeah i'll give him a piece of my mind"

and cue next day after school where he does the stupid "why do you speak like that" and ryuu even stupider goes "it's a hobby. speaking fast" and they instantly gel and kazuma never brings ryuunosuke up to susato again until he suddenly comes to their house

to kazuma it's cool bc ryuunosuke wants to see his sword or w/e hey look susato SOMEONE thinks i'm not clinging onto old hopes

but susato is like. "isn't this the guy you wanted to maim and kill two weeks ago"

back to the present. that's all i have down that's clear

i imagine that susato and rei would have regular talks about random things. school, home, other friends, kazuma. eventually this distant fruitiness will ping into susato's head and she'll bring it up to rei

this starts a tumbling snowball where as asoryuus develop more and susahaos keep chitter chattering kazuma and susato realise they gave the gay to each other

they always had suspicions about the other but never themselves

kazuma probably figures it out first though and after that susato is like "shit maybe i do like rei" and then is like "but i'm not a pretty bishounen charmer! how will we ever be more than friends" and pov Susato Goes Masc [ryuutarou]

i literally have no idea what to do with ryuutarou but i'll figure it out

other funny things to include:

ryuunosuke has archery club outside of school on weekends and falls asleep with the guard on hence why he wears it all the time

karuma still exists and is old as balls. idk if kazuma still carries her around all the time bc i don't think you can wave big swords around school hallways [regardless on its family heirloom status] so it's probably in his room somewhere perfectly cared for and regularly used for training

this is 70% of the reason why he has no friends [he is feared or made fun of this is a 50/50 divide]

susato is still a devout fan of herlock sholmes, legendary british detective who is still alive bc yuujin is. there'll probably be a chapter where he comes to [country] and she's super excited and gets her books signed while ryuunosuke casually goes "oh yeah we're good friends he stumbled upon us when asougi passed out" and yuujin is super super casual with sholmes and yeah her dad fucked herlock sholmes

"were all those business trips to the UK because you were fornicating with mr. sholmes answer me honestly"

lastly i imagine asoryuus and susahaos share the same link about super Super gay best friends [ryuu and rei] and their oblivious partners [kazuma and susato]

that's all i have planned. susato would be a wingwoman but honestly kazuma seems fiery enough to stumble into this whole thing by accident and make a whole plan on how to maximise ryuunosuke time bc "the intense feeling hasn't gone away and i need to look through things further" and oh. ohhhhh it's because- pov relationship blossoms.

susahaos are a little more blurry but i want to make them important too it is GUARANTEED [literally susato is the protagonist]

yeah

#dgs #bean stuff #bean answers

3 notes · View notes

myfellowmelo · 3 years

Text

Brother’s Best Friend

Context: Your brother’s best friend happens to be the popular basketball player, Lamelo Ball. And no matter how much you say you don’t feel anything for the boy, your body says otherwise after every encounter/game.

Includes: Smut, Oral sex, masturbation, teasing, swear words, hint of degrading.

Word count: 4040?

My POV.

“We can’t keep doing this Melo.” I whimper as his cock starts plunging deep inside me. Stuck in the locker rooms where he dragged me in there. His celebration for winning the game started early.

“You say that a lot for someone who’s obsessed with my dick.” He tells me. Before I answer him, he picks me and slams me onto his locker. Arms wrapped around his neck as he picks up the pace. “Melo! Oh god!” Gripping his hair as he relentlessly pounds my g-spot. Making it his absolute goal to have me cumming all over his cock. He needs to have me walk out the Spectrum Center with your hole stuffed with his liquids. “Take it baby. Fucking take it!” He groans. Sucking on my neck as he desperately tries to leave me as many marks as he wants. He loves how well I tighten around him. I love how no matter how hard I try not to fall, I still end up in his arms. Begging him to fuck me senselessly over and over again. Rolling his eyes back as I grip his hair yet again. Usually he would say some stupid sarcastic comment about leaving him bald like his head, but my pussy felt so good he couldn’t even muster up the words to say anything.

Omniscient.

Your moans were absolutely beautiful. Something he needs to hear on a regular basis just to even function. Having you fucked out until you could barely stand is what he was striving for. But it was all cut off short when he heard the locker room door open. Pulling out of you, you two quickly dress up.

“Melo ? Are you there?” Your brother Miles calls out.

“Hide!” He tells you. Signaling the shower room, you run inside quickly.

“Yeah I’m here!” Melo stated composing his breath.

Walking from around the lockers, Miles’ eyes brighten up, “Oh there you are! I was wondering when you were planning to get out of the locker room. Hey, have you seen y/n by any chance?”

Melo scoffs, “Do you see her around here?” A nervous chuckle leaves him but covers it up by a huff.

“Asshole. I was just asking.” Miles says as he rolled his eyes. Miles grumbled “I can’t reach her-“

“Well she must’ve been tired. Probably went home.” Melo interjected him mid way.

“Yeah you’re right. Oh I know!” Miles claps his hands that startles Melo.

“What?” He furrows his brow.

“She’s hooking up.” Miles says with stars forming around his eyes.

“What?!” Melo says, taken aback. How did he know? And just when Melo said that, you too did as well in the shower room. Heart racing as you waited for yours and his name to fall out of your brother's mouth.

“Yeah, she once mentioned about this crush she has on Nate” Miles says looking back at his memories.

“Nate? My friend Nate?” Melo says surprised

“Yeah-“

“Nate, my teammate? Number 30 Nate?” Melo says again trying to confirm if what he heard was real.

“Yes! Nate Darling. She’s had a crush on him since I came here. Well I don’t know if she still likes him but she has been running off lately so I won’t be surprised if she comes out of a room with a large hickey on her chest. He’s very goofy.” Miles states while searching around the locker room.

“Yeah well I’m goofy too.” Melo mumbles. Shoving his stuff in his bag.

“What was that?” Miles asks him.

“Nothing! Now shall we get going?” Melo says as he gathered the remaining items and stuffed it in his duffel bag.

“Oh yeah, let’s go, You hungry?” Miles said as he gave up and went to the door with his stuff on hand.

Making his way out, you peek your head. Looking at Melo who merely glanced at you and walked out after your brother.

“Shit,” you cursed under your breath.

—————

“Melo, please call me back.” You say to the voicemail. It’s been three days and ever since he found out about your old crush on his friend he can’t even talk to you. Not even look at you for that matter.

You didn’t understand. You two weren’t anything. You guys weren’t dating and on the occasion he’s made it very clear that you two are nothing more but fuck buddies.

“Hey you okay?” Your friend asks you. Taking a seat next to you after grabbing her lunch.

“Oh yeah I’m, I’m okay,” trying to mask your emotions.

“You sure? You know I’m good at telling when one is lying.” She says giving you the look that was so tempting to have you spill out all of your thoughts.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I stated while I tried to divert my gaze to the floor.

“Okay but you know I’m here when you’re ready yeah?” Nodding, she smiles and hands you her green apple. The only kind of apple you like. Appreciating it, you take it and take a bite out of it. As she told a story about something, you couldn’t focus on anything but his table. He wasn’t there, but everyone else was. Including Nate.

“Oh my god.” Your best friend gasps.

Averting your eyes from the table you look over at her. “What?”

“Can’t believe it.” She said with her mouth hanging open.

“What? What’s going on?” You said as you look around.

“He said he was done hooking up. I swear if he brings another girl home I’m going to lose it.” She said, glaring her eyes. You see, she is Gelo’s girlfriend and they are both staying over for the week before going back to Cali.

Turning around to meet her gaze, your eyes widen when you see Melo enter the cafeteria with a girl around his arm. No no not just any girl. The captain of the Hornets cheerleading team. You couldn’t tell what shocked you more, that Melo already replaced you with some girl days after he continuously dodged you, your texts, and your calls. Or the fact that he was able to pull the head leader of the cheerleading team. The CHEERLEADING TEAM. You expected one of the nurses which could’ve made more sense. Usually everyone in the cheerleading team tends to take their work very seriously and never have time to not even hook up. Now this, this was truly a shocker.

Walking past you. He ignores you yet again and plants a kiss on her temple. Arm around her as she giggles and holds his hand. What a brat. Following their movements until they reached their table, where the boys greeted him. Cheers burst when he introduces them to her. Who looks to be his new girlfriend.

“Shocking right? Psh wrong.” Your best friend scoffs.

“Yeah. Sorry you have to deal with that,” you say genuinely.

“Yeah I feel sorry too but boys will be boys that’s just the sad truth.” She shakes her head and continues on eating her lunch.

“Yeah…” you mutter watching as he converses with his friends. His arm is still around her neck. “You’re right.” You finish off, looking down to the barely eaten apple.

For the next few days you ignored Melo completely. You didn’t know whether you should confront him or not. I mean it is his loss if he wants to push you away. But also another part of you wanted an explanation and maybe to seek salvation of the last bit of what you two have. If you guys even had anything in the first place. But Melo seemed serious. He had her with him at all times. And any time he saw you, he would get all cuddly and affectionate with her and it would get too repulsive to even stand being in the same area as him. What sucked is that both him and his little girlfriend shared the same afternoon as you. Workouts. The two of them sit in front of you which is worse because he’s constantly baby talking to her. Asking her if she needs any help and never lets her lift heavy weight. What an ass kisser really.

And you couldn’t really understand why you were so bothered by it. You never saw Melo anything other than a fuck buddy. There were times where you would ask yourself if you could see yourself dating him and it always ended with you gagging and having to eat a snack to clear your head. Yet here you are, wishing that this girl would walk off the face of the earth. While you were too busy sulking, you didn’t notice someone taking a seat next to you to use the weights.

“Hi y/n!” Nate says cheerfully. His boxy smile facing you as he set his stuff onto the table.

“Hey Nate-“ and then it hit you. Oh why did you not think about this sooner? Think y/n, think! Turning your head to face the bubbly boy, you tilt your head and smile at him. “Heyyy Yangyang,” you said again trying to be flirtatious.

Furrowing his brow, he looks at you oddly. “You okay?…”

“Totally!” You say nervous laughing it off.

Melo before you who was once cuddly to his new girlfriend was now tense. “Say Nate, how come we don’t hang out as much?” You ask him.

“Oh well I’d like you to hang out but you don’t like getting body slammed onto the court huh?” He said elbowing you.

Giggling, you shake your head. “We should hang out someday.”

Melo scoffs as he rolls his eyes. His girlfriend giving him a confused look.

He sends her a fake smile and signals to the coach who has now entered the training facility. As if his reason for scoffing was the coach entering. Picking up his large water bottle, he spins the cap off and goes to take a sip.

“So like a date?” Nate asks you genuinely.

“You want it to be a date?” With this, the boy in front of you who was once taking a sip from his water bottle, is now choking on it. The training facility silences as they stare at him curiously.

“You okay Ball?” The coach asks him. Not answering with words but rather with a thumbs up, he nods and proceeds to start the lecture.

“A date is then babe.” Nate says, using his index finger to bump your chin lightly.

—————

“I knew it! It was about time you two finally got together.” Your best friend claps her hands.

“We’re not getting together. It's simply a date, nothing else.” I say to remind her.

“Please you two will be dating in no time. Now let’s see what we can have you get dressed in.” While she went through the pile of clothes I brought for her to piece together an outfit. The front door opened and slammed close.

“Geez I bet it’s Melo, another sucky practice.” She shakes her head.

Chuckling, I nod along. “Right. Hey can I go grab a bottle of water real quick?”

“Yeah go ahead, it’s gonna take me a while to make an outfit with these clothes. Your wardrobe isn’t the most stylish no offense.” She said while still looking at the clothes.

“None taken” you shake your shoulders. Leaving her room, you go down the stairs and into the kitchen. In there was the boy you wanted to see. Ignoring him, you walk past him who was seated on the stool chair.

His eyes following you as you opened the fridge and pulled out a water bottle. Jumping back when he was standing right next to you once the door was closed. “My goodness Melo what the hell?-”

“Why didn’t you tell me about Nate?” He said while his breath fanned against your neck:

“What about him? It’s none of your concern-” You turn around looking up to face him.

“It is!” He says, flying his arms around in frustration.

“Shhh keep it down Melo!” You said as you patted his upper stomach because that’s all you could reach.

“Or what? Afraid your brother will find out huh?” He says while he took a step forward, you took one back. Doing so until you were up against the counter. “Afraid your brother will find out how desperate you are for me. How I’m I able to get you begging for my cock over and over again mm?” He tells me slowly. His head lowering closer and closer to my lips. Pulling his head and smashing my lips onto his. He immediately responds, pulling me closer to him. Picking me up and resting me on top of the counter. A nice grip on his hair as I kiss his lips until I am sure they’ll be swollen. His hands roamed up my shirt. Already missing my soft skin against his hands. Leaning in more and more, wanting - no needing more of me. It’s been almost two weeks and he really missed me. Yet he would never admit to it. His growing erection began to tighten his shorts. And I knew this.

He groans and curses when I lay a hand on his crotch. “Missed me that much?” I ask him tauntingly. Chest heaving as he looks down at my hand softly stroking the outline of his dick. Softly thrusting forward, needing more of my touches. But he was surely mistaken if he thought I would give in easily. Pushing him back, I get off the counter. Shock written all over him. “Don’t think I forgot the shit you pulled on me. I was over Nate a long time ago. It was barely even a damn crush. But because of your stupid stubbornness, you no longer have a shot at having me anymore Melo. Enjoy your time with your precious girlfriend.” Taking a step forward, on tippy toes, I got closer to his ear and whispered, “Bet she doesn’t make you cum like I do.” Biting my lip, I grab my water and walk away.

Watching as I walk away, he shuts his eyes close and shakes his head. “Fuck.”

————

“It was nice hanging out with you Nate. And sorry for any wrong intentions I might’ve given you in the training facility.” I said getting up after the date with Nate was over.

“Don’t sweat it. I’m not dumb I know that you and Melo have been having sex for a while now. Just didn’t know it was this serious.” Nate said following my lead.

“It isn’t serious.” I restated.

“Really?” He asks, raising a brow at me. His smoothie in hand as we walked around the downtown mall. “Doesn’t seem like it.” Nate sighed looking up at the sky.

“What do you mean?” I asked curiously

“Doesn’t take Einstein to know we have feelings for one another.” He said laughing seeing the dumbfounded expression on my face.

“Woah! Hold on, feelings?! Psh I don’t have feelings for him.” I said defending my self.

Nate scoffs and shakes his head. “It’s so obvious.”

“It’s not-”

“It’s so!” He said again standing his ground.

“You have completely lost it, Nate Darling.” He laughs, taking a sip from his drink.

“Please, I knew something must’ve gone down. I had my guess when he started arriving at our training all gloomy and silent and not even having the same energy. But then when he brought Natalie to our table I knew something was definitely up. Then you ‘asked’ me out. You two aren’t doing this simply to get back at each other or get on one another’s nerves. You guys are doing this in hopes one of you two will snap out of it and confess!” Nate said spilling it all out.

I stayed silent. I mean he wasn’t necessarily wrong. I asked Nate out in front of Melo knowing he would be listening in hopes that he would talk to me. Confront me, tell me how stupid I am and that I am his. I also wanted him back. Even if he wasn’t entirely mine to begin with. Now if I were to ask that very same question that had me gagging at the mere thought of it, it didn’t sound so bad of a question. Can I see yourself dating Melo?

______

Omniscient.

“I bet by the end of the date, it’s going to be official.” Your friend beams. For a good fifteen minutes now she hasn’t stopped talking about you and Nate getting together after so many years. It’s annoying the hell out of him. And what makes it worst is that Natalie is sitting next to him smiling at her squealing at your potential relationship with his teammate.

“You okay baby?” Natalie asks him. “Mhm? Oh, uh yeah I’m alright.” He fakes a tight smile and goes back to being on his phone. Looking at the date, he sees that he has yet another game tomorrow. A part of him was wishing you would come to his game. What was he thinking of course you will just not for him but rather for Nate. The mere thought of it already has him rolling his eyes.

“Someone doesn’t seem in a good mood.” Your best friends voice brings him back from his thoughts.

“Just tired it’s all. Gotta game tomorrow.” Melo said Turing off his phone.

“Oh yeah that’s right. Aw man I wish I could go but I have my thing going on with the modeling agency.” Your friend stated cleaning up the kitchen.

Natalie pouts. “It’s alright.”

“Well I guess I better start heading up to my room. Imma text y/n how her date went with her soon to be boyfriend.” She wiggles her brows.

Fighting the urge to scoff. “Yeah I should get going too.” She smiles at him and says her goodnights.

Natalie left a few minutes later, getting on her tippy toes, he got the sudden Deja vu from when you did that to him not long ago. Moving his face so that her lips connected with her cheeks. She waves him goodbye and leaves. Closing the door, he sighs and his head gets rushed with images of you. Very naughty things of you. Once again feeling that tightness in his shorts begin to grow.

“Fuck y/n!” He hissed. Fisting his cock as he teases his tip. Getting off to the thought of you sucking him off. Your pretty lips on his tip, those gorgeous eyes looking up at him as you try to pleasure him. Remembering how even when he’s finished cumming you still don’t pull away. Turning him more at how you have an oral fixation that you found out because of him. Biting his lip as he concentrates on jerking himself off. Memories on how overstimulated he once felt when you just couldn’t pull his dick out of your mouth. Whining when he tried pulling you off him. “God baby. You take my cock so well shit.” He mutters. Tilting his head back as he rubs himself faster. His hand jerking himself quicker as he felt the familiar need to release begin to bubble up.

Thinking about having you bounce on his cock as you beg him to continue fucking you until you’re sobbing. Telling you how much of a slut you are for his cock. Your hands gripping his hair as you suck hickies all over him. And just like that, his warm fluids were shooting all over his bed sheets. Catching his breath as he was consumed with the darkness of his room.

______

Omniscient.

It was the day of the game. People started filling up the bleachers but no matter how much people were entering through the metal doors you still haven’t shown up.

“Hey Nate, where’s y/n?” Melo asked curiously.

“How will I know?” Nate said with the ball in his hands getting ready to shoot.

“She’s practically your girlfriend, you should know by now if she’s planning on cheering for her boyfriend” Melo says. Tone harsh when saying boyfriend.

Nate stares at him and later laughs. “What?” Nate shakes him and pats his shoulder. “You’re funny dude.”

Walking away, with a puzzled look. He sighs and takes one last look at the bleachers. His eyes met yours. Trying to hold in his smile. But you caught it. After thinking back on what Nate said, he was right. You wanted his attention and if he wasn’t going to do something first, you would. Smiling softly at him as you give him two thumbs up. He chuckles and nods. Eyes looking down and freezes when he sees Natalie. He forgot the cheerleaders are taking a break for 2 weeks. Holding a poster with his jersey number in it. Looking away quickly, as he hurries back to the rest of his team.

By the end of the game, the crowd was loud and rowdy. Anxious as it was a tie once again. Melo , who was now with the ball, rushed until he got near the net and dunked the winning point. The crowd roared as they clapped and cheered for him and the team's victory. Standing as you cheered for him too. Going down the steps to congratulate him. Looking for #1. You smiled warmly at him as you walked up to him. Freezing when a familiar figure walks the aisle before you calls out for his name. Rushing down the steps and enveloped him in a tight hug. Smile dropping as his eyes never left yours. He was still with her, and a part of you felt stupid. Were you really going to confess? Especially since Natalie is such a sweet girl and really likes Melo. She couldn’t ruin that. Couldn’t ruin what they have. But maybe there’s hope. Maybe he doesn’t have the same feelings for her and has some for you.

“Surprise!” She tells him excitedly. But you were certain that wasn’t true when Natalie pulled Melo down for a kiss.

Scoffing, you felt stupid. Embarrassed really. Turning around, you make your way out of the Spectrum Center. Melo pulls away quickly, keeping Natalie at arms length. “Melo? Baby what’s wrong?” Natalie said, looking up at him with her arm around him.

“Natalie, I'm sorry. But I can’t do this, I know it’s sudden and you deserve an explanation but I can’t keep going on in a relationship I don’t want to be in. I’m really sorry but I have to go.” He said as he broke the contact, heading to the door.

“Melo? Wait- Melo!” But he was already out the doors. Rushing after you.

“Where are you?” He says under his breath in search of you. Looking through every hallway and room and still no sign of you. “Dammit y/n where are you?!” He slammed his hand on the door and went inside of the locker-room.

“I’m here.” You said silently.

Turning around, there you were before him.

Staying silent as you two suddenly didn’t know what to say anymore. After much contemplation on what he should say to you, he starts taking small steps towards you.

“It’s you. It’s always been you.” He tells you softly. Meeting him in the middle, you grab his face and pull him in. Gripping your waist as he kisses you desperately. The kiss was no longer the same old one that was filled with lust and need. It was now filled with passion, love and want. Pulling away, leaning your forehead on top of his.

“Can’t go another day without you.” He said underneath his breath.

“Then don’t. Don’t let me go.” You said, with tears threatening to fall.

“Never baby.” Melo said, looking down at you.

————

“You two were what?!”

Your brother exclaims in pure shock. Both you and Melo are standing before him, hand in hand. Standing behind you and he plants soft kisses on your temple. Rubbing your arm for comfort, comfort for the burst of your brother who is now finding out the truth of you two. But no matter the outcome, he was just glad he now has you. In his arms once again. Only this time, he’s got you locked in. And you aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• I hope you liked my first imagines, I know there are some errors with the POV, but I’ll fix it later!

Thank you for reading 😊😊

#lamelo ball #lamelo #lameloimagines #Lamelofanfic #ball in the family #lameloballimagines #Basketball

334 notes · View notes

duuhrayliegh · 3 years

Note

Hello, darling! I was wondering if you could right some Bucky x reader, where the reader worked along Sharon during Civil War and she meets Bucky. Then she runs always with Sharon and meets Bucky again in Madripoor and continue their story. I hope that makes sense. Thank yooouuuu✨✨✨

hey babes!! yes i absolutely can! i kind of gave more background than i meant to making it way longer, but i hope you enjoy it anyway! i do want to continue this story and most definitely will be so be on the lookout for the other parts of it lovie <3. i hope you still enjoy it even though it isn’t quite what you asked for yet :)

A Friend of Yours

FATWS SPOILERS

warnings: not much, canon lvl violence, some suggestive stuff closer towards to end, language, i think that’s it

word count: 6140 i went a bit overboard, it’s fine i’m totally fine

a/n: i got this request and then didn’t stop writing all day. i didn’t get anything else done all day. i got home at like seven-ish? and i’ve been sitting on the floor of my bedroom just writing this fic (for context it is now 12:47 pm where i’m at)

check out A Friend of Yours - pt. 2 and A Friend of Yours - pt. 3

p.s.: this is the first fic that i’m writing with an actual ‘x reader’ i’m so proud

xoxo ray

ray’s m.list

******************************

You grew up with Sharon, the two of you were best friends from birth it seemed. Honestly, Peggy raised you more than your own parents did. When Aunt Peggy got Sharon her first thigh holster, she got you one too. You enlisted together, moved up the ranks together, everything. So, it was of no shock to anyone that after the fall of SHIELD, you both moved together into the CIA’s Joint Terrorism Task Force.

You were inside the hotel with Sharon, Steve and Sam when the bombing on the UN took place. The look of unbridled fear that fell over Steve’s face as they announced Barnes as the primary suspect was heart wrenching. You weren’t able to watch it for long because your phone was already ringing off the hook.

“Look, you need to get me more information, and now.” You gritted into your phone speaker before quickly hanging up the phone and turning to a crestfallen Steve who was still watching the news casting. Sharon ended her phone call and turned to you.

“We have to go to work.” A few short hours on a jet later, you and Sharon were coordinating the operation. Close by, Steve and Sam were awaiting new information. Steve had this insane plan to find Barnes before the whole rest of the world did. Like that’s going to happen, it took the world 70 years to find Barnes. Of course, Steve and Sam are going to find him in about half that time.

You followed the blonde woman into a busy coffee shop and up to the counter. She slid a manila folder over to a well disguised Captain America. “Tips have been pouring in since that footage went public. Everyone thinks the Winter Soldier goes to their gym. Most of it’s just noise, except this.” Sharon was talking quietly, trying to not draw attention to the fact that she was committing a serious offense.

“We have to give the briefing, like now Shar, so we have to go.” The two of you pushed off the counter and you turned quickly to say one last thing. “And you better hurry. They’ve given the order to shoot on site.”

You left the shop quickly and made your way back to the white tent, passing the redheaded spy who was watching you like a hawk. A look of understanding crossed her features as you kept a calm facade. She fucking knows, how the hell could she read you that easily?

*********************************

The next time you saw any of them, they were exiting the back of an armored prison van. It was no surprise that his eyes flitted over to his best friend from childhood. You glanced over at Barnes, who was strapped in all different ways, and your heart hurt for him. You tried not to pity him, you know you would’ve gotten a slap on the wrist from Aunt Peggy about it.

Bucky must’ve felt you looking at him because his steel blue eyes locked with your pair. This was the first time that you’ve ever actually seen the man in person. It was startling, in a good way. You grew up going to the Smithsonian and hearing Aunt Peggy’s stories about the great James Buchanan Barnes. You never thought that you’d get the chance to meet the man you did a history report on your freshman year of high school.

“Y/N?” Sharon’s voice cut through your thoughts, recalling you to reality and out of your past. “We have to go. We’ve been assigned to monitor Steve and Sam while they’re here.” Sharon was clearly not a fan of this, which made you laugh loudly.

“Oh, score! We get to babysit Captain America and the Falcon!” You spoke in an unnecessarily upbeat voice and then clapped your hands together. “Our dream job! Let’s go, Shar!” She stared at you for a millisecond before slapping a hand on your shoulder.

“Let’s go, you fucking dork.” You followed her through the office building into the control room where you observed Tony talking to Steve. Apparently, the conversation was not going well because both their faces held angry glares. Eventually, Tony left the room, leaving Steve alone with his thoughts and that can never be good.

“How you doing, Cap?” You asked as you less-than-gracefully plopped yourself into the chair across from him. He looked over at me and released a heavy sigh.

“Honestly, Y/N, not that great at the moment.” He looked at you with his iconic mom Steve stare. Wow, so that’s what it’s like to be on the receiving end of that. Sam walked in and sat next to you. You drowned out their conversation as your gaze focused on screens outside of the glass office.

The video feed of Barnes in his metal cage was displayed on a TV screen. How is this considered humane? Obviously you knew that the CIA had pushed boundaries in the past, but this was just insane. “Are those restraints really necessary?” Sam seemed to be just voicing his thoughts, not expecting a response back.

“Well, he is considered an international terrorist, so yeah, they’re kind of necessary.” You said quickly and then muttered under your breath, “No matter who thinks that it’s excessive.” Steve’s gaze met yours and he was about to speak when Sharon walked in and dropped a paper in front of Sam.

“The receipt for your gear.” A scoff sounded from Sam as he glared at Sharon.

“‘Bird costume’? Come on.” Always quick to defend your best friend.

“Hey, we didn’t write it up.” It came off snappier than you had meant it. Sharon shot you a look, signaling you to back off. You raised a brow at her as she leaned over the table to the intercom buttons.

The audio from Barnes’ evaluation echoed through the glass room. Everyone around you was unsuspecting the four of you listened in. The psychologist was talking to Barnes, who seemed incredibly closed off. Who could blame the guy though?

“I’m not here to judge you. I just want to ask a few questions. Do you know where you are, James?” The psychologist paused for a second, looking down and off to the side. “I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me, James.” The caged man spoke for the first time.

“My name is Bucky.” His voice was rough from not being used. A look crossed Steve’s face and he turned to Sharon.

“Why would the Task Force release that photo to begin with?” Sharon’s body turned to face the man speaking to her. Her brows furrowed while she answered.

“Get the word out, involve as many eyes as we can?” Your head tilted, trying to follow Steve’s train of thought.

“Right. Good way to flush a guy out of hiding. Set off a bomb, get your picture taken. Get seven billion people looking for the Winter Soldier.” Oh shit.

“You’re saying someone framed him?” You wanted to believe it with every fiber in your being.

“Steve, we looked for the guy for two years and found nothing.” Sam reminded in a calm tone.

“Yeah, you didn’t bomb the UN though. That turns quite a few heads. Especially if prominent people like King T’Chaka end up dead because of it.” You made a good point, but there were still pieces missing.

“That doesn’t guarantee that they would find him. It guaranteed that we would.” Sharon and Steve began examining the room around them. Your attention returned to the audio emitting from the intercom.

“You fear that,“ the doctor paused, “if you open your mouth, the horrors might never stop. Don’t worry.” He glanced down again and moved his hand to swipe something away.

“Guys?” You pointed to the screen as the doctor held up his pointer finger.

“We only have to talk about one.” All of the sudden, the screens went dark and the lights flickered off. Secretary Ross was yelling at technicians to get his video back. Tony was speaking to his AI, Friday, about locating the source of the outage. Steve and Sam tensed at the thought of what could be going on with Barnes.

“Sub-level five, east wing.” was all Sharon said as the pair ran off. You looked at her and threw your hands in the air.

“What the hell do we do now, Shar?” She glared at you as she started reasoning with you.

“They’re stronger than we are. If they can contain whatever the hell is happening down there then great. In the event that they can’t, we’ll be up here with Natasha and Tony to deal with it.” You nodded quickly as you both ran out of the room.

You quickly followed Natasha, Tony and Sharon to the main level of the building. Clearly Steve and Sam were unsuccessful in containing the situation because Barnes could be seen through the glass, fighting his way to his destination.

Tony stunned Barnes with a previously concealed Iron Man glove. Barnes started towards Tony and quickly attacked. After Barnes bested Tony, it wasn’t long before Natasha rushed the man alongside Sharon. It wasn’t hard for Barnes to throw Sharon across the room. Natasha took the opportunity to launch herself onto his shoulders, which caused Barnes to slam her into a table with his metal hand wrapped around her neck.

She mumbled something to him as you kicked his ribs, releasing his chokehold on her. He stumbled backwards, his hard gaze landed on yours as he approached. Your eyes locked on his as the two of you traded blows.

They weren’t the same eyes as before. Those eyes were soft and remorseful, these were hard and unattached. There was no emotion behind the pair staring at you. The fraction of a second that you were analyzing his eyes in your head was enough for him to catch you off guard. His metal fist landed in your rib cage. The opposite hand jabbed at your face, busting your lip and sending you flying backwards.

You hit your head on the concrete below, making your eyes roll back. The wind left your lungs and you gasped to get it back as Barnes and T’Challa fought in the background. It was a few minutes later that a concerned Sharon made her way over to you.

“Are you okay?” You looked her over as she did you, checking for any severe injuries. You offered a small nod, not wanting to shake your head too much in fear of a concussion. “Let’s go check in with Ross.”

******************

“And how the hell did Rogers and Wilson even know where to find Barnes?” Ross’ voice boomed through the office. No one said anything, not wanting to incur the wrath of Secretary Ross. “I’ve already allowed Stark 36 hours to find them and bring them back here.” Ross turned to you and Sharon standing in the corner of the room. “If they contact any of you, report it immediately.” Rounds of ‘yes, sirs’ bounced around the room, then chaos ensued as everyone got back to trying to clean up this mess.

“Carter. Y/L/N. Elevator now.” He raised two fingers to point toward the elevators before walking into one. It was just the three of you in the enclosed space. He clicked the button for the ground floor. “I know you have some kind of connection to Rogers but do not let that cloud your judgement. The both of you are CIA agents first.”

“We understand, Secretary.” The elevator doors opened again and you went to step out when Ross stopped you again.

“I mean it, girls. This is your job on the line here.” You and Sharon shared a look before continuing walking. Did he just call us girls?

“Do you think that was supposed to be intimidating?” You laughed under your breath as you went out to the parking lot. Sharon sighed and shrugged her shoulders.

“Probably.” She looked at you over the top of her car. “You don’t have to come with me.”

“Where do we start?”

****************************

Getting that fucking shield and bird suit wasn’t easy. They had moved it from the Joint Counter Terrorist Centre to the US Embassy to await transport back to the States. It made it easier but still damn near impossible to get. Thankfully, you and Sharon are good liars. Skills of a misspent youth.

The two of you walked in the front door and displayed your badges. “We’re here to pick up Captain America and the Falcon’s effects.” The man behind the counter didn’t even question it. Man, they need better people at the Embassy.

“You’ll have to sign some paperwork saying you picked it up.” There it is. You both flicked a brow and Sharon held her hand out for the clipboard. Small scratches from the pen in her hand were echoing throughout the empty building.

She handed the clipboard back to the man behind the counter. “Okie dokie, just pull your car around to the side of the building and we’ll get you loaded up.” He shot them a small smile and turned around to file the papers.

“That was easy enough.” You whispered to Sharon as you left, not wanting your voice to carry. You walked to your car that was parked in front of the iron wrought gate. Pulling your car around to the side of the building, you popped the trunk. The gear clad Embassy soldier carelessly tossed Sam’s suit inside before gently placing the shield on top of it.

“Hey, if there’s a scratch on that suit, it’s coming out of your paycheck buddy.” You held your pointer finger up to the man’s unimpressed face.

“Y/N, let’s go. We’ve got to get these to the jet or Ross will have our heads. Remember it’s our job on the line here.” What Sharon said made you laugh big while hauling yourself back into the driver’s seat of the car. As you pulled out into the street, Sharon was typing away on her phone and pushing it to her ear.

“This is a secure line but I don’t know for how long, so don’t talk just listen.” She took a deep breath and then continued. “We want to help. Meet us under the bridge on Route 6. We’ll be there in two hours.” She ended the call quickly and threw the phone outside the car. Glancing over at you, she nodded and sighed again.

“We’ve gotten this far.” You had one question burning in your throat that you were afraid to ask.

“Where do we go after they’ve gone?” She looked at you and she was biting her lip, something she only did when she was incredibly stressed.

“I don’t know yet. Do you have any ideas?” You smiled and thought of the one place that you wouldn’t be followed.

“Yeah, I’ve got one, but it’s rough.”

***************************

The drive to the underpass wasn’t a hard one. You had beat the boys there so you and Sharon were sitting in the car. You had the radio playing softly in the background.

“Who the hell do you know in Madripoor?” You laughed and shrugged.

“I’m supposed to tell you all my secrets for free?” You shook your head and shifted in your seat to face her fully. “I was tasked with tracking some artwork down there. One of my assignments when we went through initiation for the Agency.” You picked at the holes in your jeans. “I thought it was just all fake stuff, but I researched it more and more. Turns out, the underground artwork dealing is really lucrative over there.”

Sharon stared at you in amazement. “What did you do, Y/N?” You smirked.

“I haven’t done anything.” You held her gaze, “Yet.” She released a small laugh and her mouth hung open a bit. “I may have a warehouse out there.” You squinted one of your eyes, and leaned forward. “And the apartment above it.” She was going to say something when an old ass blue Beetle pulled up behind you.

“Now how the fuck did they all fit in that tiny ass car?” You both laughed as you stepped out of the car with big smiles on your faces.

“Not sure you understand the concept of a getaway car.” Steve walked up to Sharon and they began talking as she popped the trunk, revealing their gear. Your attention was on the men in the car behind them. Barnes was stuck in the back away from cameras and Sam was lounging in the passenger seat. Your eyes met Barnes’ again, they were back to the remorseful pair you saw the first time.

“You know he kind of tried to kill us.” You waved your hand in gesture to the man in the car.

“Sorry, I’ll put it on the list too.” He glanced back down at Sharon, who had migrated closer to him. “They’re going to come looking for you.”

She nodded, “I know.” Then the most awkward kiss in all of kissing history took place. Your brows shot up then furrowed quickly, a small wince overtaking your face. They pulled apart and traded more words. Sharon began walking back to the passenger side of the car.

Steve turned around and you looked back at the two men in the car. Both of them were wearing proud, smug grins. Steve threw his head back as if he was berating them.

“About damn time, Cap! She’s been pining over you for God knows how long now.” The windows were down in the Beetle so the other two heard you shouting at their friend.

“Y/N!” Sharon was a bit embarrassed.

“What? It’s the truth, Shar!” The two of you began bickering like an old married couple as you started the car again. Steve got all he needed from the trunk and shut it quickly, slapping it twice. You began driving off with Sharon giving you directions to an airport on the opposite side of the country.

***********************

That was the last time you saw Steve. Last time you saw anyone for a while. You had been dusted in the Blip. Sharon had followed you to your apartment in Madripoor. The two of you were able to figure the city out pretty quickly. Learning the ins and outs of the island, where to go, who to sell to. One afternoon, you and Sharon had been surveying a Van Gogh piece for your gallery when you flew away. In the middle of a fucking deal, what perfect timing.

Five years later, you were reunited with an even more successful Sharon. “I kept your room the way you left it.” She said as she led you through your shared home. “I figured that you’d be back and you’d be pissed off if I fucked with anything.”

You smiled at the woman gratefully and hugged her. Neither of you let go for a while. When you did, she started filling you in on everything. She had continued to split all her profits and had been depositing the money into your account. “Even if you didn’t come back, I could’ve used it if I needed to bug out. Win-win.” She explained with a smile.

The two of you had about six months of getting back into the groove of things. It was quickly cut off by a ping of your phones one day. A look of confusion and anger crossed her face, “Are you fucking kidding me?” She locked eyes with you and told you to get your gear.

“Where are we going?” She threw her phone at you and you looked at the screen. As soon as you read the notification at the top of it you understood. Repeating your question from before, you tied the knots on your Converse. You followed Sharon to the Low Town side of the island.

“Now what the fuck are they doing here, do you think?” The two of you camped outside of the Brass Monkey nightclub, ready for whatever came your way. Deciding that you were too visible to everyone else, you moved to the building across from the club. Something is bound to go wrong and the first place they're going to get ran to is this dead end alley.

Sure enough, not even ten minutes later, Sam, Barnes, and Zemo got cornered in the alleyway. Sharon had decided to stay on the ground floor next to the door. You shot two of the assassins following the group of three and Sharon took out the final one.

You made your way back down to Sharon, who was still holding her gun up. “You cost me everything.” She focused her gun on Zemo.

“Sharon, wait. Someone recreated the super soldier serum and Zemo had a lead.” Sam remarked calmly, trying to diffuse the situation.

“Explains why you guys are here and Selby’s dead.” Your brows shot up at that, must of been new information that she got while you were upstairs.

“Why are you here, Sharon?” Sam questioned.

“She was one of the ones who stole Steve’s shield, remember?” You stepped forward, raising your gun to gesture to the men in front of you. “And the wings, so your ass,” you waved at Sam, “could save his ass,” at Barnes, “from his ass.” You lowered your gun and stepped in front of Zemo, staring the man down. Your fist balled and you launched it at Zemo, landing a solid hit to his cheekbone.

Barnes grabbed your hand, twisting your body to slot against his with your arm bent behind your back. He leaned close to your ear, breath making shivers trickle down your spine. “I only let you do that because I’ve wanted to for a while now, so don’t get any more ideas.” Your breath hitched because of the proximity of the man behind you.

“Alright, give me my Y/N back.” Sharon said, lowering her gun to holster it. Bucky held onto you for a few more seconds than necessary and then pushed you towards Sharon as he released you. You scoffed, then shoved your gun into the waistband of your jeans. Sam and Sharon had already started their own conversation by the time you calmed down enough to face Barnes.

Sharon bobbed her head to you, an unspoken language between the two of you. After bringing them into your home, Sam began admiring the artwork in the first floor gallery. “Looks like breaking the law is treating you two well.”

“Before even graduating into the Agency, I had a place over here. Never had any intention on using it, but here we are.” You started, “Then, after having to flee Berlin, for you,” You shot a look at Bucky, “we figured if we had to hustle, might as well enjoy the good life. Do you know how much we can get for a real Monet?”

“Deactivate your hustle mode. You sell fake Monet’s.” Sharon shot him a look, about to defend us when Zemo cut in.

“No. She means real. This gallery is specialized in stolen artwork. Monet. Van Gogh. All the classics.” Sam made a face of disbelief.

“It’s true. You know, half the artwork in museums like the Louvre is fake. Real stuff sits in places like this.” Bucky gestured to the gallery. Sam pulled his phone out of his suit pocket.

“Okay, guys, I see what you’re doing. You’re more worldly than good old Sam.” He was typing furiously as he spoke. Bucky passed him, soundlessly following you and Sharon to the upstairs apartment.

“Yeah. What’s Google say?” Once the five of you got upstairs, Sharon began walking them into her office, telling them that they needed to change because we were hosting clients. It didn’t take long for the men to switch outfits. It was refreshing to see Barnes in something other than combat gear or a torn Henley. Sharon followed you in the office, making a remark at Sam while he apologised.

“Look, you know the whole hero thing is a joke, right? The way you gave up that shield, deep down, you must know it’s all hypocrisy.” She said as you plopped yourself on one of the plush chairs across from the couch, holding a clear glass full of whiskey.

“He knows. And not so deep down.” Zemo added quietly, since when is Zemo informed? Sharon glazed over his comment, opting for asking about the new Cap while filling a glass for herself.

“Don’t get me started.” Barnes spoke for the first time since being downstairs. You narrowed your eyes at the man.

“Please. You buy into all that stars and stripes bullshit.” You swung your glass to Zemo, “Before you were his pet psychopath, you were Mr. America! Cap’s best friend.” His gaze darted over to you, nose wrinkling at your comment.

“Do you know who I am?” He tried to be intimidating but it was just funny to you. You were taking a drink to moisten your throat to fire back a witty comeback, when Sharon spoke for you.

“Oh trust me, she knows. She did a report on you freshman year of high school.” You started choking on your drink as Sharon smirked from the couch next to Barnes. His brows raised and a smug smile graced his face.

“She did now?” Clearly he was a different man from the last time you saw him. Meeting his eyes for the fourth time ever, you were surprised with what you saw. There was almost a hunger lingering behind his eyes.

“Most definitely. I don’t even know how many times she went to the Smithsonian to see the exhibit about you.” You glared at Sharon, who continued to talk, unbothered by you. She raised her own glass to her lips, speaking into her cup, muffling her words. “Honestly, think she developed a little crush.” Barnes’ eyes never left your face, his mind racing.

“Wait, so the entire time you were helping me and Steve, you had a crush on Tin Man?” Sam interjected, wanting to be included in the conversation. You rolled your eyes and gave a subtle nod to Sam. The action wasn’t missed by Bucky.

“Which is why I think it must’ve been really hard for you to ask him of all people for help. They comin’ down real hard on you out there?” You asked Barnes with a smirk and a head tilt towards Zemo. “I know he fucked you up real good, triggering the Soldier, Barnes.”

Sam laughed beside him. “Dude, that’s basically what you told Walker.” Barnes threw a glare at Sam, who had clapped a hand on his metal shoulder. The conversation dissipated after your comment, guess you killed the vibe.

Sam turned to a relaxed Sharon, “We need your help.” Her body tensed, neither one of you was ready to throw yourself back into enemy territory. “I can get your name cleared.” He dangled a huge bargaining chip in front of her face. You knew Sharon was eager to get back to the States. She misses her dad. It was unfair of Sam to use that as a way to gain her favor.

“Haggling with someone’s life like that isn’t okay, Sam.” You said quietly, focusing your gaze on the glass in your hand.

“It’s not like that, Y/N.”

“Yes, it is, Sam.” You said firmly. “You can’t just say something like that. I know you’re an Avenger. That’s great shit, but you need to realize that if you can’t deliver on your word, we go to jail or worse. You know that.”

“I don’t trust charity, Sam.” Sharon said from beside Barnes.

“All right, a deal then. You help us out, and I get your names cleared.” Your nostrils flared and you shook your head. Sharon agreed, blinded by the possibility of seeing her family again. You don’t doubt that she thought through all the outcomes, it just wasn’t the route you would’ve taken.

“We sell to some pretty connected people. Lay low, blend in, and enjoy the party.” She got up, exiting the office.

“Try to stay outta trouble, boys.” You said placing your glass on Sharon’s desk as you left. “We’ll see what we can find.”

*********************************

You were standing next to Sharon when the three men joined the party. Leaning over to Sharon, you told her you were going to get a drink from the bar. You pushed your way through the crowd, planting yourself on a stool in front of the countertop. Nodding your head at the bartender, they passed you a bottle of club soda.

“Not drinking tonight?” A raspy voice questioned over your shoulder. You turned to face the owner as you shrugged your shoulders.

“Already had my fill. And technically, I’m supposed to be working, Barnes.” Your eyes met with his again. You couldn’t tell if it was the light in the room or if it was just him, but they were a deeper shade of blue than before. He leaned his weight on his elbow that was resting on the bar top next to you. He was so close you could feel his body heat rolling off him in waves.

His eyes roamed your face, stopping on your lips as he spoke. “You know you can call me Bucky, right?” You made a face, bringing your bottle to your mouth. He watched intently as your lips wrapped around the opening.

“We’ve never had a single conversation before today. And the first time you actually met me, you twisted my arm behind my back because I punched the dickwad standing next to you.” You took another sip and his eyes drifted down to your throat. He watched as it bobbed when you swallowed.

“So, yeah. I’m going to call you Barnes.” You leaned closer, “I’ve never been given permission to call you anything else.” You could tell you struck something. Something that he didn’t even possibly know about. His face heated and he had to clear his throat before speaking.

“Um, okay. Well you can call me Bucky or if you want, James.” Your brow quirked and you pulled back to take him in fully.

“How many people have you let call you that since you got your free will back?” Your tone was serious, but your face held a smile.

“None, doll.” His eyes ran over your face again. “I just want to hear how it’ll sound coming from your mouth.” One of his metal fingers came up to rest on your bottom lip as your smile grew.

“James.” You whispered, just for him. What he was giving you was a privilege, one you were going to revel in. One corner of his mouth tugged upwards.

“Again.” He growled as his finger remained on your lip.

“James.”

“Again.”

“James.” The party around the two of you faded away. In your reality, it was just you and the man in front of you. A peaceful place, where nothing could change what was happening right at that moment.

Of course, reality is a bitch. And you never got what you wanted. Your jaw clenched as soon as your phone pinged. James dropped his hand from your face as he read the text with you.

Found Nagel. Meet us outside and if you find Bucky, tell him too.

You scrunched your nose and bit your lip. James’ hand was quick to pull your lip from your front teeth, before resting there for a second as he studied your face. He stepped back quickly, nodding his head for you to follow him.

**************************************

You don’t know how the hell Sharon managed to find him, but she did. You were in a shipping yard for storage cars. “Madripoor could give New York a run for its money.” Sam said as the five of you weaved your way through the containers.

“With a bounty on your head, the longer you’re in Madripoor, the less likely you’re ever leaving.” She glanced down at her phone in her hand. Nodding toward a red container, “Alright, he’s in there. Container 4621.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out five earpieces.

“We’ll keep watch while you guys talk to Nagel. But hurry. We’re on borrowed time.” You said as you watched everyone situate their pieces. Sharon turned around and began walking down an aisle not far from the container Nagel was in. You stopped James before he could go anywhere.

“Hey, be careful.” His eyes met yours and they were back to the normal steel blue. “Don’t forget who you are, James.” Something flashed behind his eyes, but his face showed no change.

“You too, Y/N. Don’t make me come out here and save your ass.” His eyes flicked down quickly and a smile spread quickly. “I mean, not that I would mind.” You rolled your eyes and shoved his shoulder, turning and walking down the aisle Sharon did.

“So,” She was leaned against a rusted container with a smug smile. “You and Bucky, huh?” You groaned and stood next to her.

“I don’t know, Shar. Neither one of us should be in a relationship. Especially since we’re both Enemies of the State, well one of us is, the other one was.” You turned your head to look at her. “What do you think about all of this?” She opened her mouth to speak when you both heard something ricochet off a metal wall.

She raised a finger to her mouth and crouched down before pressing that same finger to her earpiece. “Guys, we have company.” She took off down one end of the aisle and you down the opposite, ready to attack from both sides. There were three men walking towards Nagel’s container, you shot a look down to Sharon and she nodded.

She came from the back with a baton, whacking the last guy once in the knees and once in the head, disarming him. When the front man turned to help his comrade, you did the same move to him with your own baton. You both continued trading blows with the men. You had effectively taken out the first man, using his thigh to latch yourself to the third man’s shoulders. Situating yourself to use your body weight to flip him over, definitely knocking him out.

“Every bounty hunter in the city is here. We gotta go now, boys!” You yelled to your earpiece as you watched Sharon fight off another opponent.

It wasn’t until the gunfire started that Sharon said something else into the piece. “Guys, we’re seriously outta time here.” You both split off, out of each other’s view, battling your own demons. You were currently dealing with two of those said demons, when a third approached from behind. Locking you in a chokehold as the other two continued punching your ribs.

One of the hunters was suddenly ripped away from you. Punches were landing and groans were echoing through the alleyways. You threw all your body weight forward, throwing your assailant over your shoulder. Two gunshots rang out and then a third one, which landed a bullet hole between your aggressors eyes. Your head whipped around to face James, whose arm dropped back to his side.

He walked towards you, putting a hand on your back leading you to where Sharon and Sam were standing. Zemo pulled up in a blue convertible car, “Supercharged.” was all he said. Sam pointed his finger at the man in the driver’s seat.

“You’re going back to jail.”

“Do you want to find Karli or not?” James sighed heavily, his shoulder sinking with the action.

“He’s right. We need him. And there’s two of us, and at least twenty of them.” James got in the front seat, leaving the door open for Sam.

“Fine. But if you try that shit again--”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Zemo raised his hands in surrender. Sam turned to Sharon.

“Well, that was one hell of a reunion.” You leaned over the open door to talk to James. He looked at you with a sad face.

“Why don’t you come back to the States with us?” He tilted his head. “We could clearly use your help, doll.” You smiled at that and licked your lips before responding.

“You know we can’t. Not yet anyway.” He placed his finger back on your bottom lip, maintaining eye contact. “This isn’t the last you’ll see of me, James. That I can promise you.” He smiled and dropped his hand back to his lap.

Sam climbed into the seat behind James. “You’re not going to move your seat up, are you?” James smirked before replying.

“No.” You watched as they drove off, desperately wanting to see James again already.

You turned back to Sharon and the two of you began walking back towards High Town. “I think you should go for it.”

#bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fan fic #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fan fiction #bucky fan fic #bucky fanfic #james buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes x reader #james buchanan barnes x you #james buchanan barnes x y/n #james barnes x reader #james barnes x you #james barnes x y/n #Sebastian Stan

606 notes · View notes

wheelsup · 3 years

Text

the taming of the shrew | one

he is more a shrew than she

penelope reveals her plan to get you and spencer together. unfortunately, her plan has a few hitches.

A/N: again, big thanks to @homoose for being my helpful beta reader, and to YOU for reading it now.

category: fluff, spencer reid x fem!reader, series

wc: 4.1k

<- prev | next ->

Penelope came back to your place the following night, bearing a new bottle of wine and a collection of materials she mentioned were integral to executing the plan.

Very quickly into Penelope’s explanation of this Genius Plan –– her words, not yours –– you remembered what it was she did for work. Officially, she was some sort of technical computer-y person for the Federal Bureau. As you knew her, she’s a danger to society and anyone with a traceable digital presence.

She managed to construct a comprehensive list of every place in D.C. and Virginia that her friend liked going to, along with the approximate times in which you were most likely to find him there. Approximate meaning, exactly which days he visits and the roughly time of day, down to a mere one hour margin of error.

You scanned the list over, shocked at its detail. Where he cut his hair, got his coffee, bought his books. His favorite restaurants, the chess clubs he’s a member of, his local hospital.

His local hospital?!

“I’m not going to need to know that, am I?” you paused.

“Probably not, but it comes in handy with this job,” she shrugged with a nonchalance that was rather alarming.

There had to be a dozen more places on the sheet –– ranked, in order of his (assumed) preference for them. Penelope calculated it based on the frequency of his visits, their average duration per session, and how often he’d mentioned about the place.

“What?” she tossed her palms up, taking offense when you asked her if she had evil plans to take over the tristate area. “Hang out with him long enough, you tell me if you pick up a knack for researching or not.”

Researching. Mining private data through questionable methods. It’s a small difference to Penelope.

“Remind me not to get on your bad side, Penelope,” you muttered under your breath, flipping the sheet back and forth. “You could ruin my whole life with ten minutes on a computer.”

“I wanted to be thorough,” she defended, shrugging. “And I’d only need five.”

You laughed through your nose, giving the paper one last scan. “You left out one important thing, though.”

“No, I put his home address on there,” her brows wrinkled together as she pointed it out on the sheet with one hot pink polished finger.

“His name,” you berated. “Jesus, you think I’m going to show up at his home?!”

“Again! I’m thorough,” she cried at your accusatory tone. “His name’s Spencer. You’ll like him when you meet him.”

You didn’t doubt that Penelope’s friend was a likeable guy, but you weren’t exactly dying to go out of your way to meet him. You told her that you’d get around to it when you had a chance and left it at that.

And two weeks later, you found yourself in need of a caffeine fix that your tea kettle wasn’t strong enough to satisfy. You started on a new piece late the previous night, and midnight rolled into four in the morning, which pushed you into the arms of seven o’clock. Reinforcements were needed.

Throwing on a large sweater to cover up your messy clothes and grabbing the closest pair of shoes you could find, you originally planned on heading to your usual spot just around your street corner. Just as you were leaving, the list, still sitting untouched in the exact spot that Penelope left it in, caught your eye.

It’d been a while since you told Penelope you’d help her out. Enough time had passed that you now felt like there was an invisible deadline over your head.

Maybe it won’t hurt to try something new?

Besides, meeting someone at a coffee shop seemed like an easy, foolproof way to go about this. From all the movies and romance novels, you knew that cafes are the pinnacle of meet-cute situations. Or, in your case, a meet-forced.

Regardless, it should’ve been simple enough, and it would’ve gotten the favor off your shoulder.

You scanned the sheet for the cafe Spencer would be at on a Thursday at 8 a.m., and got there with barely five minutes to spare before he was expected to show.

It was just your luck that he had to pick a cafe practically as far from your home as he could get, and the transfer train had to have a delay that made you walk the last three-quarters of a mile there. Call it crazy, but you didn’t expect to actually have to put in work for this. You expected it better be worth the hassle.

You took a seat in the back of the cafe to catch your breath as you waited for him to show up. Sitting in the booth, with your head down so you coudn’t be seen, the plan started to feel stupid all over again. You were running around the city, spying on this stranger, and for what?

The silver bell hung over the door frame interrupted before your thoughts could travel down that path of questioning. It rang each time a new patron enters, and within the next twenty minutes it rang only eight or nine times. None of them appeared to be Spencer.

You were prepared to call this one a failure and leave, when you realized your colossal mistake. You only had his name, and no idea what he looks like. So unless he happened to wear a name tag around you could’ve already missed him. You realized then that there were more than a few flaws in this plan.

Keeping an eye on the door, you dialed Penelope’s contact as a swarm of new patrons flooded in.

“How am I supposed to know what he looks like?” you whispered into the phone, failing to cover it with a hand cupped over the speaker. Penelope was confused for only a second by the apparent lack of context.

“Oh! He’s tall, has mousy brown hair but he cut it recently. It’s like… missing on the sides, but it’s all there in the front!” she explained.

What the hell does she mean missing?

“Pen, brunette? That’s like all the guys in here…” You took a look around the full cafe; various men typing on computers, taking calls. All of them looked the same, from their brown hair to their khakis and puffer coats. “You’re going to have to give me a little more than brown hair.”

Penelope struggled to explain and with each new feature she gave you, your mental picture of him got more clouded. “He’s skinny! Dresses like a vintage teddy bear!”

“Does he have kind of like… a hot English teacher vibe?” you quirked your head, spying a man approaching from the sidewalk and drinking him in with your eyes. Tall, brunette, clad in corduroy head to toe with a plaid sweater vest underneath. Vintage Teddy Bear F/W 1978 collection.

“Yes! He teaches sometimes! And you think he’s hot?”

Your mouth gaped even though she couldn’t see you. “No, I - I didn’t say that. I said he had the vibes of a hot teacher.”

“And how different is that from saying he’s––”

“Pen, I gotta go. Your guy’s walking in.” You put the phone away before she could pick apart what you said.

The bell on the front door rang as he came in and you stared intently at his face. If this was like the movies, he’d turn his head right then, at the perfect time, and make eye contact. He’d fall madly in love from the first look, and your work would be done. You sat at the edge of your seat, burning holes into his skull, waiting for that moment.

But alas, he never looked up from the linoleum flooring as he walked up to the counter. With a groan, you slid out of your booth and quickly hopped into the line before anyone else could claim the spot behind him.

New plan: eavesdrop, order the same coffee as him, and pretend to go for the cup at the same time. Laugh about the coincidence, how if you share the same coffee order you must certainly have a lot in common, and have him fall in love with you.

But you overheard him rattle off his order and were absolutely horrified. Black coffee, extra sugar. Like, extra, extra sugar.

You were going to need a second change of plans.

You eyed him up and down, searching for something you could approach him about. He was donning black converse under a fitted pair of dark brown corduroy trousers, with a blazer to match, and a deep green plaid vest underneath. On paper, this outfit shouldn’t work. In practice, it… really did.

A little too well, given how good he looks in it. More fashionable than a federal agent ought to be as required by dress codes, right?

“Can I help you?” you heard, and it poked the bubble of your thoughts. Your head shot up to meet his for the first time, eyes wide as heat crawled up your face.

“Uh. No ––” Shit. You didn’t even realize how long you were staring at his legs. Long, long legs. And shit, why did you say no? That was your opening to talk to him.

The man –– Spencer –– nodded his head slowly, uncomfortably, and turned away with a forced grin. He grabbed the coffee cup placed on the counter and you thought now was the time to say something. But by the time you thought of it, he’d already picked up his cup and made his way to the door.

The stupid silver bell mocked you as he left.

The first attempt left you slightly jilted, but a few days later you found yourself in need of a few grocery items. You just happened to be in his neighborhood that day, and though it was very much out of the way of your own, you didn’t plan on it being a problem. He’d never see where you lived anyways, and he’d never need to know how unlikely this chance encounter really was.

You had Penelope text you the address of his regular grocery store, and upon arrival, felt immediate concern. It was not a grocery store. It was a convenience mart slash liquor store at the corner of the street, below a building of worn apartments.

As you walked through the aisles, the only things you found were a large assortment of wines that took up half the small store space, an aisle of candy packets and chips, a section for household supplies, and one measly aisle for canned and boxed foods.

Cereal, instant noodles, soup cans, pancake mix… nothing very fresh.

Spencer seemed like a pretty scrawny guy. You now believed it might’ve been from the fact that his food choices were so off-putting that he simply didn’t eat. It wasn’t your place to be concerned, but you decided that if you ever ended up taking him out, a farmer’s market might be good for him.

You loitered around for perhaps longer than necessary. The inquisitive shop attendant asked if you need help –– as in, why are you still here, get out of my store –– and you told her you were just really conflicted on which detergent brand you needed. Finally, the man you were after arrived at the scene.

“Hi, Dolores,” he greete with a small wave. The attendant, Dolores, greets back with a positivity that she sorely lacked when talking to you. Dolores has favorites, apparently.

An unexpected panic settled in your stomach and you quickly turned back to your selection of fabric softeners. You weren’t hiding, you just didn’t want him to catch you staring again. You picked up your two props, pretending to read the labels on the back and compare the chemical formulas on each of them, when you saw him out of the corner of your eyes.

He went into the aisle in front of yours, and over the short shelves you saw the back of his head sweeping over the modest food section. He turned around to inspect the other side of the aisle, and you ducked your head even lower. It was in vain. He spotted you anyway.

You fixed your eyes even harder onto the bottles, afraid to look anywhere else. He shuffled out of his aisle and turned the corner into yours. You started sweating a little.

“Uhm. Excuse me,” he said.

“Yeah?” You looked up from your bottles, putting on your best caught-off-guard face. Like you were a girl in a movie, reading a book on the beach (not detergent labels in a liquor store) and your romantic interest just noticed how beautiful you looked doing it, deciding he had to introduce himself.

“Can you… can you move…” he asked, gesturing to the section of cleaners that you’re blocking.

Never mind.

“Oh! Yeah, sorry.” You burned up, moving out of his way. He reached for what he needed and you peeked down to inspect the contents of his basket. Organic whole wheat bread, cream of mushroom soup, and somehow, he’d managed to find the only two apples this place must carry. At least there was light at the end of the dark, dark tunnel.

He tossed a bottle of Snuggle fabric softener and you raised your brows. Given that he was “grocery shopping’’ in a three-piece suit –– a good one, too, black trousers, vest and blazer with an eggplant purple shirt and lavender tie –– you would’ve expected him to simply send his clothes out for dry cleaning.

“Snuggle, huh?” you said. He gave you a confused look. “Oh, uh. I was looking at these. Couldn’t pick between the two.” You raised your two bottles of softener; Snuggle and Tide.

You needed him to know you weren’t just saying Snuggle to insinuate that you would like to do that to him. You remembered Penelope telling you he had a degree in chemistry or some sort of science field, and asked, “Is… is that one like, more organic? I was trying to read the formulas but I don’t… I don’t recognize the chemicals,” you trailed off. You could see yourself losing his interest the more you spoke. He barely looked at you as he grabbed whatever else he needed.

“I don’t know… I just like it,” he bristled. You looked down at the bottle and flipped it over to the front. It had a drawing of a teddy bear on it. How fitting.

You go to comment on it but yet again he’d made an escape, already at the checkout counter and unloading his basket by the time you looked up again. You rolled your eyes, wondering if it’s even worth it to follow him into line and see if he sparks up a conversation this time.

You could tell that he wouldn’t. So you gave him the space to buy his items and leave.

You didn’t really need the detergent, but Dolores gave you a pointed look before you could even think about putting it back on the shelf. You ended up buying the detergent, a loaf of bread, and two packets of sweets out of guilt.

As you took the train home, digging into your packet of sour peach rings, you began to doubt if you can carry out Penelope’s request.

After two failed attempts, you were prepared to tell Penelope that this just wasn’t going to work out. You didn’t expect it to be this difficult to talk to Spencer nor did you see yourself getting closer to him anytime soon. It would be best if she just found someone else to do it.

You caught her in the hallway, leaving her apartment just as you came home from the store. It seemed like as good of a time as any to let her know how unsuccessful your escapades were going. With your tail between your legs, you approached her with the intention of breaking the plan off.

But the second she saw you, it was like she could read through you. She clocked what you were about to say and before you could, she gave you a warm hug. It was the first one you’d ever received from her, actually. And she thanked you for trying.

It didn’t make you feel guilty, per se, but it definitely made you feel weird about telling her the news. So you bit back on telling her what you were really going to say. She didn’t need to know the details of your failure, or the fact that you were seconds away from giving up on her friend.

Maybe you didn’t need to give up right away.

After all, you did only talk to the guy twice. Don’t they always say the third time’s the charm?

You left the conversation at just that –– letting her know that you’re happy to do this for her, even if you aren’t really –– and slinked back into your apartment. The list, buried under the magazines and paint tubes and half-full cups of cold coffee on your table, called for you.

If by any stroke of luck you happened to share one interest with this guy, you promised yourself to give it one more try.

According to the list, that overlapping interest was the wonderful world of Gatsby Books –– a small, locally owned bookstore residing in the heart of D.C. ’s arts district. That neighborhood was smack in the middle of your’s and Spencer’s, and it was where the gallery you showcase at was.

You’d been meaning to get down there for a while now, anyways. It really was the cutest bookstore in the world; inside it lived a white, bushy-furred cat named Gatsby, and he was always there. After all, it was his bookstore.

It wasn’t such a burden to make your visit fit Spencer’s schedule, really. And it would make Penelope happy if you did. So on Saturday afternoon, you took a lovely walk through the sunny arts district of D.C., a smile on your face and a tote in hand for all the books you were planning on hauling back.

The smell of paper and coffee greeted your nose at the door, and you practically fell into a trance, letting it lead you through the aisles of the store without much thought of where you wandered. Not that it mattered, you could’ve roamed the shelves aimlessly all day long.

In the mystery and thrillers section, you found Gatsby. He jumped down from his perch on a step stool and weaved between your legs, greeting one of his long-time regulars. He was such a good shop owner.

“Hi, Mr. Gatsby.” You smiled and bent down to give him a little head scratch when he started running off in the other direction, taunting you into following him.

He rounded the corner and came to a stop at a pair of boot-clad feet; your eyes moved up to find your favorite employee (after Gatsby, of course) restocking the shelves.

“Miles!” you whispered, but he still jumped out of his skin. He turned around, hand still over his chest, and sighed when he realized it was just you. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” you laughed.

“Hey, long time, no see. Back for some more recommendations?” You ‘ooh’ed at his offer.

“I was just gonna say, the ones you gave me last time were so good. I finished them in, like, a week.”

“Really?” He smiled, brows happily up his forehead. You nodded in assent. “Okay, well I’ll give you more this time, see if the list’ll last you a little longer than that.”

You grinned eagerly, following him to the shop counter where he pulled out a stack of bright green post-its and a pen.

“I’ve actually been waiting for you to come in, I already had these in mind for you,” he mumbled, scrawling across the paper quickly. He handed the note over, and it took a moment to decipher the chicken scratches.

“Okay, first you gave me Al-Shayk and Bradbury. Now you’re giving me Chaucer, Dickens, and Doyle,” you recited the note, giving him a teasing look. “Are we just going through the alphabet, Miles?” you joked.

“Honest mistake. But I’d be happy to give you all the other twenty-two letters of the alphabet if needed.”

“I might hold you to that.” You nodded, folding the post-it in your palm to prevent the sticky backing from gunking up. It’d make quite the good bookmark for later. “Thanks for these!”

“No problem, just a part of the job.”

Nonetheless, you thanked him again before disappearing back into the aisles. You found Miles’ books as well as a few of your own and nearly lost yourself in the rows of floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, until you made a turn. Standing in the middle of the next aisle was Spencer.

A week ago, he was the whole point of coming to the store. That day, you completely forgot about it, and it stopped you in your tracks to see him there. He was just standing in the middle of the walkway, staring blankly at the shelf in front of him.

“Excuse me,” you grinned, “Could you move?”

You thought it was a cute reference back to the laundry detergent fiasco, a chance for you to turn the tables, but he had no reaction to it whatsoever. His face was straight as he merely pivoted his shoulder out of your way as you reached for the book you needed; The Narrative of John Smith.

His eyes narrowed at you and his nostrils flared, and you wondered if it was called for because you grabbed the last copy they had in stock.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you want this?” you asked, waving the book in his face. He was just standing there for so long, you didn’t think he actually wanted anything since he never picked it up.

“No,” he said coldly.

Contrary to Penelope’s review, he didn’t actually seem that warm of a person. But you smiled tightly at him, letting a forced laugh fill the stale air.

“I… I swear I’m not stalking you,” you laughed, rubbing the back of your neck. Technically it was a bit of a lie, but he didn’t need to know. It’s just something people say when they have the happy coincidence of running into a stranger so often.

“What did you say to me?” he bit. His tone was sharper than you felt like this conversation deserves.

“I mean, I’ve just been seeing you around a lot… it was, like, a joke? Like, ‘ahh watch out, I’m stalking you!’ you know?” With each second he stared you down, you felt your throat dry out, getting more flustered as you felt the need to over explain yourself.

“Maybe you should work on your comedy routine,” he barked, his voice just faintly cracking. He shoulder-checked you as he rushed out of the store in long strides and a brisk pace.

What in the absolute fuck.

You couldn’t stay in the shop for another minute. You dropped your stack of books at the counter with Miles, giving him a rushed apology for leaving them behind as you stormed out of the shop and headed in the opposite direction of where Spencer ran off to.

The air outside was now frosty as the sun disappeared behind the horizon; the wind nipped at your hot cheeks as you charged home. There weren’t enough words to quantify the anger you felt. Your mind ran rampant with how much you now hated this man.

Not only did he bite your head off for no good reason, but he publicly embarrassed you at your favorite place and had gone so far as to bruise your shoulder to make a point. And you know what? If he really wanted you out of his way, you were more than happy to leave him the hell alone for the rest of your life.

You reached into your jacket pocket for your phone and dialed Penelope.

“Hey! How are––” she cheered.

“It’s off.”

“What?”

“It’s off. I’m not dating your fucking friend.”

“What happened? I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding––” she started in a panic. She pleaded that you overlook whatever went wrong and promised that she’d have a talk with Spencer about it. She’d try to encourage him into the direction that you need.

None of that registered in your brain, hot blood filling your ears instead of her words.

“He’s a fucking ass,” you spat. “The more I see of him, the less I like him, and… I’m pretty sure we’d rather kill each other than date at this point. So yeah, I’m done.”

☆

thank you for being on my taglist 💕

if you’d like to join my taglist, the link is at the top of my masterlist

*my taglist is super messy, so if you requested to be tagged in “all” fics, it was lumped into the series as well!

@ellesgreenaway @suburban–gothic @ssa-sarahsunshine @mercy-burning @reidspurple @mediocre-writer @honeyboysteezy @andreasworlsboring101 @calm-and-doctor @drayshadow @reidgifs @you-sunshine @no-alarms-no-surprises-silence @altsvu @reidtheprettyboy @goose-eats-god @sonnydoesrandomshit @rigatonireid @muffin-cup @amoeebaa @reidingmelodies @reidyoulikeabook @anaagraceeberr @spencerreid9 @luvofyourlifeliv @averyhotchner @spencerreidat3am @paw71211 @princesssmooshie @gubeskneescrew @gourdboy @reid-me-a-story @reidabookforonce @willowrose99 @singularityjc @spencerreid9 @miahelen @alltooreid @meganskane @multixfandomwriter @coldlilheart @lunajoyce3 @boldlyvoid @destiny-tsukino @ahhahahhh @spencers-dria @cocomoo1 @spenxerslut @thehuntresswolf @ssa-natalya-reid @the-chaotic-cow @kuolonsyoja @queenofthepouges @gublersss @username2002 @msspencerreid @itwouldburnupintheatmosphere @oeuryale @big-galaxy-chaos @reidsacademia @idonotexiste @rem-ariiana @spencerreidscumwhore @spaceapplehead @newgirlinhell @noellestrash @jswessie187 @reidaissance @violetclifford @fruitoftheweek @mystical-and-modern-marauder @ilovespencerreidmarryme @mlqcool @opheli-yeah @lytrc @youabitchhhh @spencerscumrag @dinonuggets1967 @flowerchildprotectiveservices @annalayton19 @mrsobrien888 @toast-on-t0ast @xoxospencerreid @motionlessgirl12 @bloodyxheaven @my-thoughts-are-weird @rexorangecouny @nani-2305 @measure-in-pain @donald4spiderman @mrs-dr-reid @manuosorioh @sapphic-prentiss @reid-me-a-story @reblogsoffanfics @winifrede @peoniarose @takeyourleap-of-faith @morks-watermelon @silverhetdanes @luwheezey @cc13723things @starrylang @b00b133 @kidd3ath @seastarapiaries @madsgraygubler @manuosorioh @fanfictionfangirl04 @donkeykongsmassiveballs @sergiosbae @mrsobrien888 @jesuisbenny @cocomoo1 @happymangospot @youabitchhhh @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm

(new) tags not working -> check your visibility settings: @pissbit @redevil590 @kaz-2y567 @datsimplol @reid-to-me @rem-ariiana @thegirlinthedresscriedalltheway @jaddi-e @just_arandomwriter @spencerswildestdreams1 @sskylarpaige26 @zbgubler @faithsamantha @nyasiablack1899 @peterisbetterthanpietro @chrisdylan17

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid slow burn #spencer reid series #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid enemies to lovers #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fan fic #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds series #criminal minds fic #doctor spencer reid #dr reid

374 notes · View notes

fruitcoops · 3 years

Note

i would love to read coops doing one of those lie detector youtube videos!!

This was such a fun fic to research! I highly recommend watching the Try Guys Lie Detector videos if you'd like some context. Coops credit goes to @lumosinlove!

“Why are there so many of these?” Remus muttered, shaking his hand around. A series of multicolored wires smacked the table and Marlene rolled her eyes as she passed. “Sorry.”

“Welcome back to Lion Pride!” Sirius said as he turned to the camera with a smile. “I’m Sirius Black, and I’m here today with my husband, Remus Lupin, to get some answers.”

“We are also joined by Mark, who is an expert at reading polygraphs,” Remus added.

A middle-aged man in a blue shirt raised his hand in a slight wave. “Thanks for having me. Since you’re already hooked up, you’ll be going first. This machine measures your sweat, your heart rate, and a couple other common tells for liars. Do you lie often?”

Remus hesitated; Sirius hid a smile in his hand. “No, since I suck at lying, but I’ll do it if it makes somebody feel better. I think I’m pretty good at that.”

They stared at the polygraph for a moment before Mark nodded. “Checks out. Take it away, Sirius.”

Sirius cleared his throat and took a notecard from his stack. “Was going to college worth it?”

“Yes,” Remus answered almost immediately. “I don’t know what I would have done without getting my degree and staying close to hockey. Wouldn’t have met you, for one.”

“True,” Mark said without looking up.

“Do you like my playoff beard?”

“I do, yeah.” Mark raised his eyebrows and Remus pressed his lips together. “Okay, sometimes it’s a little much, but you’re pretty good about keeping things under control.”

“Alright,” Sirius said with playful skepticism. “Good to know. Who’s your favorite Lion?”

“Besides you? Talker.”

“Yeah, we don’t need a polygraph to know that,” Sirius laughed when Mark nodded. “Did you like my last haircut?”

“Oh, fuck,” Remus said under his breath, looking away.

“I knew it.”

“It wasn’t bad—”

“He’s lying,” Mark interrupted.

Remus turned to him with betrayal written all over his expression. “Dude!”

“You are.”

“Answer the question, Loops,” Sirius said, leaning back in his chair. “How did you feel about my last haircut?”

He bit his lower lip. “It was a little too short and really threw me off for a couple days. But you didn’t like it, either.”

“I didn’t,” Sirius agreed, grinning. “But I vividly remember several ‘no, honey, you look great’ conversations.”

“Next question,” Remus sighed.

“Ha! This one is self-explanatory. Have you ever lied to me?”

“Yes, but only when I knew it would make you feel better.”

“True,” Mark confirmed.

“Do you think you’re a better dog owner than me?”

Remus thought for a moment. “No.”

“True.”

“Do you think I’m a better dog owner than you?” Sirius asked.

“No. I think we balance each other well, and we wouldn’t be as good apart.”

“True again.”

“Interesting.” Sirius surveyed the cards. “Do you trust me?”

“A hundred percent,” Remus answered without hesitation. Mark nodded.

“Do you think I would be a good dad?”

He rested his chin on his hand, then smiled a little. “I do, yeah. I think you know what to do and what notto do, and you’re very protective without being controlling. So, yeah. You’d be a good dad.”

Mark glanced over. “He’s telling the truth.”

Sirius leaned across the table and kissed Remus on the cheek. “Merci. Oh, this’ll be fun. Is any of our relationship just for show, especially on Lion Pride?”

Remus narrowed his eyes with a hum. “Yes and no.”

“Pick one,” Mark said.

“In a general sense? Yeah, sure. We’re not perfect all the time, but we pretend to be. The specifics stay honest, though. None of our relationship is based on building clout. We keep the core genuine.”

The polygraph beeped for a moment. “He’s telling the truth.”

“This one is super morbid. Ready?” Sirius rested his elbows on the table. “You are Spiderman, and you’re holding two trolleys over a lake. One holds me, and one holds Jules. Which one do you drop?”

“I love you, but I would absolutely drop you,” Remus said after only a brief period of thought.

“Oh, thank god,” Sirius huffed. “I would be so upset if it was the other way around.”

“Right? I love you more than anything, but it’s Jules.”

Remus turned to Mark, who shrugged. “True.”

“Do you think we live together well?” Sirius asked.

“After a full year of it?” Remus laughed. “Yeah, I do.”

“True.”

Sirius checked the list and his eyebrows rose. “You’re going to hate this one.”

“Am I?”

“What do you really think about my parents?”

Remus’ smile turned thin and Sirius spread his hands in a see? motion. He was quiet for a few seconds, then ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t think I’m allowed to use those words on this channel. Um, I don’t like them.”

Mark snorted. “Very true.”

“Last one,” Sirius warned, though his eyes crinkled happily at the edges. “Do you know how much I love you?”

“That’s cute,” Remus said. “And…yeah. I think I do.”

“Wrong,” Sirius said before Mark could answer. “You have absolutely no idea.”

“Sap,” Remus scoffed. His cheeks were pink, and he pressed a quick kiss to Sirius’ temple while they swapped chairs.

“He was telling the truth,” Mark informed them as he helped Remus untangle his arm and hand, then transferred the devices to Sirius. “Though I am interested to see the flipside. Do you lie often?”

“Not anymore. I’m pretty good at it, though.”

“First one: have you ever had a crush on one of your teammates?”

“Oh, for sure,” Sirius said with a light laugh. “I never did anything about it, but I was the king of pining for a solid decade.”

“True,” Mark affirmed.

Remus cocked an eyebrow. “Who is the handsomest Lion?”

Sirius bit his lip, making a thoughtful noise. “That’s a tough one. I’m assuming a player other than you?”

“Yes.”

“In that case…I think Dumo is the classic definition of ‘handsome’ even though he is so not my type, but Kasey might be the most attractive.”

“Not Pots?” Remus teased. Sirius pulled a face and flicked him on the arm.

“He’s being honest,” Mark said.

“Do you think you’re the best player on the team?”

“…no.”

“He’s lying.”

“Shit.” Sirius sighed heavily as Remus looked at him over the edge of his notecard. “Look, it’s—it’s not an ego thing.”

“It’s the captain thing, isn’t it?” Remus sounded quite amused.

“Yeah,” Sirius said, defeated. “It’s stupid, I know.”

Mark nodded. “He’s telling the truth.”

“Oh, another parent one,” Remus remarked. “Did my parents scare you?”

“Not really.”

Mark furrowed his brows. “You’re right in the middle.”

“Huh.” He thought for a few seconds. “I think seeing you all together was a lot like meeting Dumo’s family the first time. You’re just so…normal. And you genuinely like each other. So I wasn’t scared, but it was definitely an adjustment.”

“He’s telling the truth.”

Remus nodded. “Yeah, they adore you. I’m glad we didn’t chase you off, though. Does it really bother you that I leave my socks around the house?”

Sirius pressed his lips together as several people off-screen began to laugh. “I can’t answer that.”

“See, that’s all the answer I need.”

“Fine. Yes, but only because I don’t know where you get them from. You don’t actually own that many socks, and I still find them every-fucking-where.”

“True,” Mark said.

“I’ll try to keep a better eye on things,” Remus assured him, smiling. “You are Spiderman, and you’re holding two trolleys over a lake. One holds me, and one holds James. Which one do you drop?”

“Goddammit,” Sirius muttered, tilting his head back. He thought for a long, long moment. “I can’t answer that.”

The polygraph buzzed. “False.”

Sirius shook his head. “Neither of you. I wouldn’t drop either.”

Mark raised his eyebrows. “True.”

“On a much lighter note,” Remus said with a cough. “Which of us is lazier?”

“Me.”

“True.”

“Really?” Remus gave him a baffled look. “You work so hard all the time.”

Sirius shrugged. “Agree to disagree?”

“Fine, but I hope you know taking time for yourself doesn’t mean you’re lazy.” He shuffled through the cards. “Oh, this’ll be very interesting. Do you think I talk too much?”

“No.”

“True.”

Remus sat back in his chair, a pleased blush coloring his cheeks. “Wasn’t expecting that. Good answer, I love you. Do you think we’ll get divorced someday?”

“Oh, god, no.” Sirius’ previous self-satisfaction turned to revulsion. “I don’t even want to think about that.”

“True,” Mark said again. “For someone who said he was good at lying, you’re very honest.”

“No point in lying with that thing around, is there?”

Remus shrugged. “Saves time, for sure. Have you kissed any of our friends?”

“Yeah,” he snorted.

To his credit, Mark didn’t even let a smile slip through. “True.”

“Do you enjoy getting stopped in public by fans?”

“Fans, yes. Ex-fans who take it upon themselves to explain why I shouldn’t be gay, no.” He paused, then shook his head with a smile. “I’m not good at talking to people, but I do like it when people say hello. It’s cool.”

“True.”

Remus raised his notecards. “Two left, and the first one is hella morbid.”

“Hella,” Sirius murmured, earning himself a teasing glare.

“Watch it. If I died, how long would you wait to get remarried?”

The playfulness dropped away. “What?”

“If I died, how long would you wait to get remarried?” Remus repeated.

Sirius looked horrified by the very thought. “I wouldn’t.”

“True,” Mark said, seemingly uncaring about the alarm on Sirius’ face.

“Even if it happened tomorrow?”

“First of all, thanks for my new nightmare. Second, no. I wouldn’t get married again.” He kissed Remus’ forehead gently. “Let’s not test that, though. Like ever.”

“Deal. Ready for the last one?”

“As long as nobody else is in danger of death.”

“I dunno, it’s a tough one.” Remus gave him a solemn look across the table. “I need you to be really honest with me on this one. Do you think you have better hair?”

Sirius blinked at him, then burst out laughing. Even Mark’s lips twitched into a suppressed smile. “Oh my god.”

“What’s so funny?” Remus asked, completely poker-faced. “This is important, honey. I’m really counting on you to be genuine with me here—”

“You can’t even—” Sirius broke off again and gestured to Remus’ face, which turned steadily pinker as he bit down a grin. “You can’t even keep a straight face.”

“My face is the only straight thing about me. You know this. Answer the question.”

“He’s trying so hard,” Sirius managed as he looked to the camera. “So hard, mon dieu.”

“Shit,” Remus muttered as he finally gave in and hid his laughter in the crook of his elbow. “We were doing so well until now! It’s the last question, just answer it!”

Sirius wiped a tear from the corner of his eye and nodded. “I do think I have better hair, but I love yours, too.”

Mark chuckled. “True.”

“It would help if you finally got a haircut that was different from the one you’ve had since you were thirteen.”

Remus closed his eyes, sighing. “Y’know, exposing my haircut choices for the entire internet to mock really wasn’t how I planned this day going.”

“Isn’t that the point of this whole video?”

“Mark, I’m not sure if we owe you an apology or not, but thank you for putting up with us.” Remus turned back to the camera with an easy smile. “Thanks for joining us today, everyone. Make sure to like and subscribe to Lion Pride for more videos like this!”

#sirius black #remus lupin #coops #sweater weather #lumosinlove #my fic #fanfic #social media #lion pride #lie detector

221 notes · View notes

falloutjay · 3 years

Note

Craig x cheery reader please (a little context: team Craig saved her from a bully, reader secretly thinks Craig doesn't actually care about her and Clyde and her are close but like platonically)

I had such a joy writing this, I just hope it still fits the request, as I am unsure if I hit the prompt.

I hope you enjoy it nevertheless! <3

__________________________________

Craig x Cheery!Reader

“Can’t you just leave me alone?” You said annoyed.

Why wouldn’t Francis just leave you alone you wondered. You never said anything mean, more like the opposite. You were just a really friendly classmate that never said anything mean to anyone. So why out of all people Francis decided to pick you to bully was a mystery to you.

“I bet you’re only so friendly because in reality, no one loves you.” You decided that just ignoring him would probably be the best course of action, but once you kept quiet, it agitated Francis only more.

He slammed you against the lockers to your right and kept you trapped there. You actually felt terrified. Before anything could happen, a monotonous and nasal voice to your left demanded your attention.

“Francis, you’re blocking my locker.”

“Fuck off Craig, I’m busy.” Behind Craig was his gang, consisting of Clyde Donovan, Token Black, Tweek Tweak, and Jimmy Valmer.

You never really interacted with them, as they just stayed in their small group. “You’re blocking my locker.” Craig repeated. “And I said I don’t-“ Francis couldn’t get any further before Craig shoved him.

“Fuck off asshole. Get lost before we hurt you.” Craig's expression was bored as always and he flipped Francis the middle finger, his trademark.

“This ain’t over (L/N)!” Francis cursed under his breath before he took off. Nervously you turned to Craig and his friends with a big smile stretched across your face.

“Oh, thank you, Craig!” He just shrugged and carefully pushed you aside to get to his locker, which you just were pinned against. “You can’t get pushed around like that Y/N.” Clyde said with worry in his voice.

“I-Its fine, really.” You laughed nervously. “No, it’s not. Clyde is right, you shouldn’t be pushed around like that. Why don’t you sit at lunch with us?” Token now chirped in too and your eyes widened at the proposition. “I’d love too!” You beamed.

It had been ages since that day, and you still thought about that day ever so often. Francis left you alone after that day since you always hung around Craig and those guys now. You had become great friends with the guys, and you were really close with Clyde.

You rested with him next to you on his bed in just this moment. “Whatcha thinking about, Happy?” Happy was a special nickname given to you by Clyde.

You two were born mood makers and could make anyone smile, even the stoic Craig Tucker. “Nothing important. Just thinking about when you guys invited me to come sit with you.”

“Ahh, that was a great day.” Clyde mumbled. It was a regular thing for you and Clyde to just hang out in one of your bedrooms, chilling on the bed, and talk about all kinds of stuff.

“So, how’s it going with Bebe?” You asked him. “Great, thanks for that restaurant tip. She loved it there.”

“I went there with my parents, and I thought you could impress her with it.” You two high-fived, without getting up. You really couldn’t wish for a better friend than Clyde.

“So, how’s your love life going?” Aaand now you hated him. “Ahh, don’t ask. It’s shit.” Clyde furrowed his eyebrows; not like you could see. “Is it really that bad?”

“Yeah.”

“But why?”

“Clyde! You can’t just ask people that!” You said in a whiney tone.

“Ah come on Happy, tell me. I’m your best friend. Who are you gonna tell besides me?” He had a point, you thought. You propped yourself up on one elbow and gave him a death glare.

“If you talk, you’re a dead man, Donovan.” Clyde sat up and leaned on the bedframe.

“I won’t say a word.” You took a deep breath and began explaining. “So, you know…I mean I…ehhh…I kinda like someone from our friends’ group.”

“I’m sorry, Happy, but I’m already taken.” Clyde said in a dramatic fashion. You flipped him the bird, something you copied from Craig but you only used it against Clyde, since he never took it personally.

“No. Not you… Its… I like…Craig, even if I don’t think he cares that much about me.” When you said the name, it was barely more than a whisper, but Clyde still heard it. His grin widened and he seemed hyped.

His hands landed on his cheeks with a faint slapping noise.

“Oh my god. My two best friends wanna bang each other.”

“What.”

“What.” Clyde’s happy expression became a shocked one, once he noticed what he just blurted out. “So, Craig likes me?” You asked confused.

“No! I mean…Yes, but I didn’t say it!” He stressed the “I” in particular. You felt shocked. You always thought Craig didn’t like you all that much, because he was always a little cold to you and he barely interacted with you.

“But I thought he didn’t like me.” Clyde gave himself a facepalm, cursing himself out for having spilled the tea. “Well, since I am already fucked… He does like you and shit. He is just…Bad at showing it. Like, he tries to interact so little with you, because he’s afraid you will notice how you make him blush and shit.”

“I-” You pointed with your finger at yourself. “Make him blush?” You questioned. “Yes, Happy, you do. Didn’t know you’re blind.” He said and you two heard the doorbell. The others had arrived.

You had gone with Clyde immediately after school, while the other wanted to join later for the video game night. Clyde got up from the bed and stopped at his room door.

“I swear, if you snitch on me, I'll kill you. I love you, but I won't hesitate bitch.” He pointed a finger pistol at you and pretended to shoot you. You pretended to get shot and rolled off the bed in a slow and dramatic manner.

You two laughed before Clyde sprinted downstairs to let the others in. You remained on the floor, pretending to be a corpse. When the others came into the room, Token was the one to question what you were doing.

“Clyde shot me.” You explained and pretended to be in severe pain. “Cl-Clyde. Don’t shoot o-our only o-o-other fu-funny friend.” Jimmy mocked him and Clyde pretended to laugh.

“Haha, very funny.” He commented dryly. You got up and sat back down on the bed.

“You can put your sleeping bags down here and then you can help me make your pizza in the kitchen.” Clyde instructed and gave you a wink. You quickly caught onto what he was trying to do and mouthed a big fat “NO.” to him, but he just smiled.

“Ah fuck you, Clyde.” You thought. You loved him to death, but right now he was being an annoying bitch, that tried saving his skin by having you confess so Craig wouldn’t figure out that the brown-haired snitched.

You just kept sitting on the bed, while the guys one by one left the room. Craig was the last one to leave but he stopped once he saw that you stayed on the bed.

“Y/N, don’t you wanna come with us?” He questioned, but you shrugged. “I dunno. Kinda busy thinking about stuff.” You smiled warmly. “Thinking about what?” Craig left the door ajar and stepped back into the room to lean on Clyde’s white Ikea dresser, which was opposite of you.

“I think I wanna ask a guy o-out, but I don’t really know how to do that. Any tips?” You asked in your sweetest and innocent voice. You really prayed that Clyde was correct but why shouldn’t he be.

But there still was this tiny fear in the back of your head that you were gonna make a fool of yourself in a few seconds.

“Well…” Craig seemed to think about it for a second. “Personally, I would just appreciate it if someone would just straight up ask me, you know? This whole playing around shit is stupid if you ask me.” You nodded.

“Hey, Craig?”

“Yeah?” He asked and shifted his gaze from the window to your innocent face.

“Would you maybe go out with me?” You asked and felt like you just lost all ground beneath your feet. For a short second, you felt like you were going to faint.

But once you saw that a faint shade of pink appeared on his face, you felt giddy, the butterflies in your stomach were going wild. Craig cleared his throat, before answering with a red face; “Y-Yeah sure. What about tomorrow? If you want, I’ll walk you home and we can hang out alone.”

You nodded; a big grin spread across your face. “That sounds amazing.” Craig offered you his hand and you stared at it for a second.

“Maybe we should go downstairs. You know…Otherwise, Clyde will choose our pizza toppings.”

“And we don’t want that, do we?” You asked you both laughed. You took Craig's hand and admired how warm it was.

“I’m surprised you like me. I always thought you didn’t care about me.” You whispered. Craig laughed, which caught you by surprise. “I'm just not good at these type of things.” He admitted sheepishly and scratched his neck.

“I guess.” You laughed to make the situation less awkward. Craig started leading you downstairs, not letting go of your hand. In the kitchen you found the others, fighting about their pizza toppings. Clyde was the only one to notice how you both had that light shade of pink lingering on your cheeks and that you held hands.

He smiled brightly and then made space for you two to also make your own pizza. The rest of the night went by peacefully, you guys played video games, snacked food, and talked about stupid stuff. The main entertainment was Jimmy, Clyde and you of course, as you were just the life of every get-together.

Craig watched you and Clyde in glee, as you and Clyde were playing Just Dance together like your life depended on it. He was sooo happy to now have you, someone who could break his stoic façade.

#south park x reader #Craig tucker x reader #Craig x reader

121 notes · View notes

makeste · 3 years

Text

BnHA Chapter 311: Hand Gun

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “thinkin’ about dropping in some woke analogies of the very real and very presently relevant issue of racial profiling idk what do you guys think” and then shrugged and did it without waiting for an answer, and ngl it was a bit sudden, but I’m here for it. All Might was all “DEKU YOU NEED TO EAT” and Deku was all “OKAY” and took his hero bento and went to go stand dramatically on a tower in the rain whilst having some highly anticipated Vestige flashbacks. OFA II was all, “sup, I guess I’m not Kacchan... OR AM I,” and ngl I think he is?? Alternate universes anybody?? Hello??? But anyway, so OFA the First a.k.a. Yoichi was all “remember that time you guys rescued me from my evil brother and Two took my hand and we Had A Moment?”, and Two and Three were all “ahh yeah good times”, and it was very nice and very, very gay. The chapter ended with it being very unclear if Two and Three have actually lent their power to Deku yet or not lmao. Y’all need to get your shit together dudes.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “what if I gave a random bad guy a fucking tommy gun that shoots nails” and jesus christ calm down son. The Hawksquad, a.k.a. SQUAWK as per @hotchocolatier, are all “time to drive aimlessly around town acting like Deku has a restraining order on us because that’s literally the best plan to combat the League we could come up with,” and I have no further comment. Hawks is all “idk about you guys but I want to know more about AFO and Tomura’s whole deal” and I can’t remember the last time I identified so strongly with one of these characters. All Might is all, “[EXPLODES???]”, and the chapter ends with that mysterious hot girl from the Tartarus breakout being all “HELLO I CAN TURN INTO A GUN AND I LITERALLY DON’T GIVE A FUCK” and (1) WOW, and (2) IT’S TRUE, SHE CAN, AND SHE REALLY DOESN’T. GODDAMN.

(ETA: so this wholly escaped my notice on the first go, and also has nothing to do with the chapter itself, but I only just realized that this chapter was scanlated by a new group, TCB Scans. they actually did a very good job, and I’m curious if they’ve found a new RAW provider, because the quality this week is actually crazy good in comparison to what we’ve been dealing with for the past few months. I’m gonna have to get caught up on what exactly happened here lol.)

so what will it be this week? more Vestige antics? more of Sad Nomad Deku standing on buildings and pretending like he’s some cool aloof antihero, as if he could fool us when we all know his hero backpack is secretly stuffed full with his nerd diaries and the remnants of all the hero bentos that All Might keeps giving him?? or, just putting it out there, just a crazy thought, but you don’t suppose we might actually cut back to U.A.? mmm. side-eyes emoji

maaaaaan I’m starting to get tired of this trend of beginning chapters by dropping in on random power-tripping civilians and/or Shindou lol. just once can we get a chapter that opens with someone I actually give a fuck about

oh at least Endeavor is here

A WHAT SUPPORT ITEM!??! HOLY SHIT DDLKJSLFKJL

lol somehow that’s more terrifying than bullets for me?? like I’m fully aware that bullets will fuck you up way worse and that in real life nail guns probably don’t work like this AT ALL and only have a range of like... hold up let me just google... up to 100 to 150 m/s and distances of up to 500m wait WHAT

okay wait. hold up. like I was expecting google to tell me nail guns only shoot a few feet at most, and instead the first search result is some CDC blog article that’s “dispelling” the “””myth””” -- please note my repeated sarcastic quotation marks -- that nail guns can fire 1400 feet per second, by explaining that actually they can fire anywhere from 315 ft/sec to 1,295 ft/sec, and that “it is in the pneumatic nail gun user’s best interest to handle these tools as if they were a firearm despite having a lower velocity” dlkjdslkjflkl

SO THAT SCENE IN IRON MAN 3 WHERE TONY RAIDS A HOME DEPOT AND BUYS A BUNCH OF RANDOM TOOLS AND SHIT AND GOES ON TO STAGE A ONE-MAN INVASION OF AN INTERNATIONAL TERRORIST’S FLORIDA MANSION HQ IS ACTUALLY TRUE. YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT THE FILM “HOME ALONE” IS ACTUALLY A DOCUMENTARY. “the Discovery Channel television program “Mythbusters” compared the penetration capacity of an airborne projectile shot from a pneumatic framing nail gun to that of a 9mm hand gun” HELLO YES AND A MERRY “WHAT THE FUCK” TO YOU AS WELL

anyway, so. there’s apparently a reason why the Number One hero, who can burn people with the intensity of a sun going supernova, is hiding here behind this concrete support column making frowny faces. nope. nuh uh. he ain’t about that. I don’t blame you buddy

so now he’s barrel rolling out of his hiding place and setting this dude THE FUCK ON FIRE because HELL NO. BAD ENOUGH I HAD TO WATCH THAT FUCKING MUSHROOM EPISODE LAST WEEK! YOU TAKE THAT SHIT SOMEWHERE ELSE

LOL look at his face

I know the context is actually him being all “I know I’m responsible for basically everything that happened and so that’s why I’m so grim and serious about this mission to set things right piece by piece,” but in my mind this pissed-off face is 100% all because this dude tried to shoot his eye out with a nail gun. look at that. you made him go full flame face again. beard and all. protecting his face so that it can hopefully melt any stray nails that get too close. nope nope nope

good lord. so what’s up next. let me guess the guy fighting Best Jeanist has like an atomic chainsaw or some shit

lol nope we’re just cutting back to Hawks and Jeanist chilling in the Jesla after they’ve wrapped things up

Jeanist has got some serious Groot energy you guys jesus christ he’s like 12 feet tall

oh snap someone threw a pipe at him now

today is just the chapter of Endeavor being assaulted by random DIY tools I guess

I mean, I get why they’re pissed at him obviously; I would be too lol. but tbh I also don’t really understand the “get out of here we don’t want your help” attitude that all of these people suddenly seem to have?? like it if were me, I would be fucking DEMANDING for him and the other heroes to be working round the clock to fix their stupid mess. I mean who else is gonna do it?? it’s their mess, I sure don’t want to be the one to clean it up instead. anyways but whatever lol

oh shit?

so they haven’t dropped the whole “OFA secret potentially gets revealed to the world” thing yet after all. that makes sense I suppose, it did seem like that whole thing wound up playing out a bit too easily

anyway so yeah

the locals are definitely none too happy. well at least Dabi’s got something to be cheerful about I guess

so now we’re cutting to the interior of the Jesla and they’re chitchatting about the current investigation

oh wow this actually makes a bit of sense now. so there was a reason they were keeping their distance from Deku

please note that even in this abstract Endeavor’s-Mental-Image-Of-Him panel, Deku’s eyes still don’t have the light in them anymore :( my poor son

also ftr I still think using Deku as bait in this particular sense is the shittiest idea ever ngl. like sure, let’s let the sixteen-year-old run around battling miscellaneous escaped prison convicts while we stay several kilometers away ON PURPOSE despite the fact that you’re using him as bait to draw out the Big Bad, who just a reminder can destroy anything with a mere touch and who you were all basically helpless against. what exactly are you all planning to do if Tomura or one of the other League VIPs actually shows up to retrieve him?? are you even keeping tabs on him at all in real time?? jesus

(ETA: well that escalated quickly lol.)

Horikoshi is all of a sudden dropping whole pages of exposition here and I can’t be bothered to summarize this lol so just,

a big fat YES to what Jeanist said, though. that’s why imo they would have been better off laying a trap at U.A. rather than just wandering around out in the open. I assume they’re trying to cut their potential losses because U.A. is full of students (and civilians), but those students also happen to be more capable than pretty much anyone else in the manga at this point. and tbh they’re already in life-threatening danger regardless of how things play out from here on, so they might as well at least try to use the few advantages they have right now. U.A. is almost certainly going to come under siege at some point anyway, so they might as well prepare for it

lol I don’t think I’m explaining this very well because I don’t have the patience right now to break it down point by point like it really ought to be, so for now I’ll just say that imo “U.A. siege” stands a good chance of being the eventual endgame even now, and so this whole “Deku runs around being bait” arc is really just killing time until then lol. like and subscribe for more rambling nonsensical takes such as this. maybe next time I’ll even put it all into one single sentence for maximum meandering senior citizen rant value

well it’s nice that they’re finally talking about all of this I guess

we readers have known all of this for months now but this confirms the heroes are finally caught up. ALSO, Hawks is so fucking smart, as always. kinda wonder if things would have played out differently if All Might had let him in on the secret a bit earlier. probably that’s why Horikoshi made damn sure they didn’t find out until after the War arc lol

OH MY GOD YOOOOOO HAWKS OUT HERE ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS

“anyone else wondering why AFO bothered to raise Tomura as his fake heir for fifteen years when he was secretly planning on taking over his body the whole time” YES, [raises hand] lmao Hawks where the hell were you when I was debating this “AFO is the final villain and Tomura is just his pawn” thing on multiple occasions over the past several years lol

lmao seeing them debate the metaphysics of OFA and all of its mystical bullshit is seriously surreal you guys

JEANIST HAVE YOU CHECKED OUT MY META TAG I HAVE WRITTEN SO MANY ESSAYS. I ACTUALLY WAS PLANNING ON WRITING ANOTHER ESSAY ABOUT THE THING THAT I’M PRETTY SURE HAWKS IS ABOUT TO BRING UP, BUT I NEVER GOT AROUND TO IT WHOOPS, BUT MAYBE I WILL NOW LOL LET’S SEE HOW IT GOES

yes!!

WHICH AFO FUCKING ENSURED HE WOULD BE BY LITERALLY PLANNING OUT EVERY LAST DETAIL OF HIS FAMILY TRAGEDY, FROM SECRETLY GIVING TENKO THE QUIRK TO MAKING SURE NO CIVILIANS OR HEROES WOULD HELP HIM UNTIL AFO FINALLY STEPPED IN. I’M 1000% CONVINCED THIS IS THE CASE YOU GUYS. NOT JUST BECAUSE I’M NOT A FAN OF “THE WORLD IS A FUNDAMENTALLY SHITTY PLACE, ACTUALLY” TAKES BECAUSE MISTER ROGERS TOLD ME TO ALWAYS LOOK FOR THE HELPERS, BUT ALSO BECAUSE IT LITERALLY JUST DOESN’T MAKE A LICK OF SENSE OTHERWISE. THEIR ENTIRE HOUSE CAVED IN FFS, YOU’RE TELLING ME NONE OF THE NEIGHBORS FUCKING OVERHEARD THAT SHIT AND WENT “UMMMMMMMMM” AND WENT TO SEE WHAT WAS GOING ON?? “DIDN’T THERE USED TO BE A HOUSE HERE, AND LIKE A WHOLE FAMILY, AND SHIT?”

LIKE I’M SORRY, BUT IT’S ONE THING TO SAY IT’S REALISTIC THAT NOT A SINGLE PERSON WOULD ATTEMPT TO HELP THE WANDERING TRAUMATIZED CHILD AFTERWARDS (WHICH I DISAGREE WITH AS WELL BUT AT LEAST THAT’S MORE SUBJECTIVE), AND IT’S A WHOLE OTHER THING TO ARGUE THAT IT’S REALISTIC THAT NO ONE WOULD BE FUCKING NOSY. LIKE THAT’S A WHOLE DIFFERENT LEVEL OF “THAT’S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS” ENTIRELY LOL. anyway tl;dr AFO is a piece of shit and Tomura’s entire worldview is based on a magnificently intricate and savagely cruel lie more at 11

anyway so after all that ranting it looks like that wasn’t even what Hawks was talking about after all lol. I just went off for absolutely no reason lol oh well. instead it seems that Hawks is suggesting that Tomura’s carefully cultivated hatred might not yet have actually reached “can defeat OFA” levels even after all of that trauma. interesting!

don’t mind me, I’m just sitting here while my brain furiously scrambles to put together all the parallels between Hawks and Tomura that it never noticed before until exactly this second. like I’m not even sure that was the intent here at all (I need to check out another translation or two lol), but regardless my mind decided that now would be the perfect time to make the connection between these two twenty-somethings who both had horrific childhoods and spent years being molded by their respective manipulative guardians, and developed eerily similar “laugh at everything because what else can you do” coping mechanisms to deal with it all hmmmmm

anyway so they were talking more about their strategy, but now all of a sudden Jeanist’s phone is beeping??

AND NOW WE’RE CUTTING AWAY TO ALL MIGHT AND HIS MIGHTMOBILE DAMMIT so that means the call to Jeanist was actually something important then!! WAS IT BAKUGOU OMG. DOES YOUR INTERN WANT A WORD FFFKLFSJK please it’s been so long I just need a little crumb or two to tide me over lmao have mercy

anyway so All Might’s following the GPS tracking device he’s apparently got planted on Deku (which in my conspiracy headcanons he’s actually had for a long time now, like since before DvK2 lol because HOW ELSE WOULD HAVE HAVE KNOWN THAT THEY WERE FIGHTING EACH OTHER IN GROUND BETA, PEOPLE) and thinking angsty thoughts about Deku’s sucky life

AND NOW ALL MIGHT’S PHONE IS RINGING TOO?? BAKUGOU HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE YOU CALLING. “WHERE ARE YOU HIDING THE NERD GODDAMMIT”

OMG

lol is he under attack or is he just finally giving All Might the slip like we all know he SECRETLY PLANNED TO ALL ALONG oh my poor dumb angstmuffin

OMG AHHHHHHH WHAT

DID ALL MIGHT JUST FUCKING DIE LMAO NO OF COURSE NOT, BUT WHAT

WHAT IS HAPPENING OMG

THE FUCK IS THAT. AT LEAST IT’S NOT A NAIL

OH IT’S A SPEAKER!! OMG DID THEY TAKE ALL MIGHT HOSTAGE

“THEY’RE HERE” WELP, TIME TO SEE JUST HOW SHITTY THIS SHITTY PLAN REALLY IS LOL

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SHE!!!!

omg. AND OVERHAUL JUST CHILLING THERE IN THE BACKGROUND ALL “WHAT DO YOU EVEN WANT ME TO DO I’VE GOT NO FUCKING ARMS” YEAH GOOD RIDDANCE LOL

DOES THIS GIRL HAVE ONE GIANT LEG OR WHAT, LIKE WHAT’S THE DEAL HERE

-- HOLD UP WAIT, THE GUN IS HER ARM, HOLY SHIT SHE CAN TURN INTO A GUN -- OKAY HOLD UP BECAUSE I NEED TO SAY THAT IN BIGGER TEXT BECAUSE !!!!

YOU GUYS, THE COOL TARTARUS GIRL IS BACK AND HER QUIRK IS “CAN TURN INTO A FUCKING GUN.” THIS IS NOT A DRILL!! MY BEST GIRL MT. GUN IS FINALLY BACK ON THE SCENE WITH HER QUIRK “CAN DO ANYTHING A GUN CAN DO.” “I HEARD Y’ALL WENT AND NAMED ONE OF YOUR HEROES ‘GUNHEAD’ EVEN THOUGH HIS HEAD ISN’T EVEN A GUN, LIKE WTF IS UP WITH THAT LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT’S DONE” DANG OKAY

lmao only fifteen pages this week, and STILL NO KACCHAN (THEN WHO WAS PHONE!!!), but man I don’t even care because finally we’ve got a cliffhanger that’s actually deserving of being a cliffhanger! hot dog. okay then

#bnha 311 #endeavor #hawks (bnha)#takami keigo #shigaraki tomura #best jeanist #all might #midoriya izuku #cool tartarus gun transforming girl #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

298 notes · View notes

stxleslyds · 3 years

Text

MY TOUGHTS ON THE END OF RED HOOD BY CHIP ZDARSKY.

Dishonour! Dishonour on you, dishonour on your cow!

Well Jason Nation, it happened again, fanon wins over canon. The amount of bullshit that DC made Zdarsky write in this issue is insane, I have never seen this many fanfiction tropes shoved in a single issue in my life.

This book has been a constant insult to Jason’s character and his Red Hood “persona” since the very first issue but I never thought it would end this badly. It’s incredibly sad.

I will go ahead and say it, this tumblr and this post is not “Batfamily” friendly and it definitely isn’t fanon friendly when it comes to Jason Todd.

Fanon is destroying canon for Jason Todd. I am sorry but that’s how I see it, fanon doesn’t belong in canon, I would never get tired of saying that. But here is the thing, DC latches on to Jason’s fanon version because it fits their narrative of “the Batman is all that is right and all must follow his rules or they shall disappear”.

DC has been dying to make Jason bland and flavourless just like Batman. And now here it finally is.

Let’s be honest the story in this book, the new drug, Cheer, Tyler and his mom, none of that shaped this story, none of those things were the support beams for it. It was all about this never ending “daddy issues” thing that DC pretends is going on between Jason and Bruce.

It was all about those two fighting because they “think differently” so in the end they can push Jason towards the “no killing rule” being also the Red Hood’s modus operandi.

Its utter bullshit.

From the moment that Jason had to put a bat suit on I knew that this was going to be a mess. Luckily like I predicted they didn’t make a big deal out of him wearing it but the “Jason admires Batman” feeling was very present in the issue.

I will not talk about how easy it was for that one thug to land a punch on Jason while he was distracted and I will also not talk about Jason being a dumbass for not securing his dumb mask better when he knew the fight will involve gases. I will not talk about it.

Anyway, let’s talk about the Cheer Gas induced illusion, shall we?

In Jason’s illusion he finds Bruce at the manor looking at the picture of Joker’s death (?) and even though that is strange what Bruce says next is even weirder, he says this: “I did it. He was the last one, but I did it…Joker is dead. I am done.”

Now what the hell was that? This is Jason’s illusion, and by the looks of it in his illusion Bruce has killed every baddie in Gotham and left the Joker for last? Am I reading that right? Is this this a joke?

I understand that this is an illusion so the gas is making “real” things that Jason probably doesn’t know he wants, like wanting Bruce to go on a killing spree, which Jason never wanted because he said it himself, do you guys remember the iconic “I’m not talking about killing Cobblepot and Scarecrow or Clayface. Not Riddler or Dent…I’m talking about HIM. Just him.” Because I remember and it’s so important to Jason’s character, Jason never wanted Bruce to go on a killing spree, he wanted Bruce to kill the clown who had killed him when he was only fifteen. Is that so hard to remember DC?

And then it gets worse! Since WHEN has Jason wanted a perfect family life with the people that he has tried to kill, harm or looked down to? Why is “being with a bunch of people who NEVER get together for anything other than “help” the Bat in a fight against a fucking clown” the idea of happiness to Jason? Has this man ever interacted with any of these people in a positive way without the intrusion of a Batman/Robin event in the way? I will give you the answer, it’s no, the answer is no.

Jason Todd doesn’t care for your “Batfamily” bullshit DC, why would it matter to him? Because he was Robin? He was killed by the Joker when he was Robin, and he was killed because the man in charge of him didn’t pay enough attention! Jason Todd who was written as Dick Grayson’s number one hater for so long (and fandom loves that) is now having an illusion where he enjoys happy times with him along the others? Cass and Stephanie? What? Am I missing something, is this actually AO3, is this fanfiction?

I think Zdarsky got confused, this illusion is what would happen if Jason were dosed with fear gas. That must be it, I solved it everyone! Zdarsky just got confused by his own writing!

I wish.

Let’s go back to the sad reality, Jason has a moment in which he actually puts all his training in motion and shakes of the gas’s grasp on him. He does that but he is grabbed by so many people (who are this people?) and he is unarmed and I believe that’s the only reason why Cheer is still alive after saying that he has someone in Tyler’s mom’s hospital room ready to kill her if he doesn’t join him.

(If this were the real Jason, Cheer would have dropped dead instantly.)

But this is not the real Jason and this is not a *real* comic, it’s fanfiction! So just like that time in Batman #100 when Dick was fighting alone as Nightwing (for the first time since his “family” left him alone after losing his memories) the rest of the “family” shows up to fight Cheer and four random thugs.

Yep, its like the MCU had considered having Cap say “Avengers Assemble” when they were fighting a couple of robots instead of Thanos.

What a mess.

Also having Jason say, in real life (not illusion world), “You know what happiness is? It’s knowing that others have your back.” about this group of people is the perfect recipe for a big OOC moment for absolutely everyone. I cannot believe they have dragged Jason back to this awful concept and that they have sank him so low. It’s quite honestly, disgusting.

But the horrors don’t end there, we have a wonderful moment after Jason gives Batman the antidote, Jason stops Batman from punching the living shit out of Cheer. Because I am not stupid. There is no way in the world that you can convince me that Jason just stopped Batman from killing Cheer.

How incredibly delusional do you have to be to write Batman finally killing someone and that someone being Cheer, a guy that was introduced to comics two months ago?

Yes, later its said that between the gas and the antidote Bruce was a little too crazy and couldn’t help himself BUT I call bullshit once more, because Bruce has gone completely bat-shit-crazy on people before! I remember two recent instances in which that happened. Batman #57 in which Bruce beats the living shit out of KGBeast after he shot Dick. And the other one is Batman beating up Jason more brutally than he ever beat up Joker in RHatO #25.

DC cannot fuck with me. I might has bought this digital comic for 8 dollars but I am not buying that bullshit.

ALSO, there was no need for Zdarsky to do Jason as dirty as he did him when he made him say: “If you are going to come down from mount judgement to MY level for once… he’s not the guy to do it for.”

Zdarsky, why did you write a Red Hood story when you hate Red Hood? Couldn’t you have just told DC that you wanted to write a love letter to Batman? Once again, I am reading a Red Hood story for RED HOOD content not Batman content. Is it really that hard? I bet that if Zdarsky had asked DC to let him write a Batman story they would have said yes, there are like 20 Batman stories, they wouldn’t say no to one more!

Can you tell I am mad? And salty?

This post is so long and so full of anger, I am truly sorry for that but I have to write these feelings down or I would explode. And I am not even done, our suffering, Jason Nation, continues.

But first a little break from the pain, Tyler. Thank you after all the pain this book has given me Tyler is back and just like I predicted his mom is fine and he will stay with her, they both have been given a place and money to rebuild their life (not given by Jason nor Dick but I was close enough). The only happy ending that Tyler could have, he had and I am thankful for that, we even got a little adorable moment between the Red Hood and the Blue Hood.

I am weak for these little glimpses of a good Jason take in the middle of an incredibly awful/OOC story. And just to live in my own fantasy world I will headcanon that Jason promised himself to keep an eye out for Tyler and his mom. He would have wanted to know about their life and that they are still out of trouble.

Jason is a good man, don’t you forget that DC, I don’t care how much you twist it. Jason killing Tyler’s dad wasn’t a horrible act, it was fair game. That man was a horrible person, he drugged his child and made his wife (?) almost overdose. You never gave context as to why that man was working as a drug dealer but you told us those things so Jason should never feel like he did something wrong. As far as we know, Tyler and his mom are better off without him.

Having said that, lets go back to the pain of what is reading a Red Hood story.

“I’m giving up the guns.”

You know what, fine, as long as DC doesn’t pull another “I will stop being Red Hood for you Barbara” I will be fine. He can kill people with other things, he used to have the all-blades, he had normal swords and he had crowbars.

I will sacrifice Jason looking hot as hell when he pulls out his guns just to keep him as the Red Hood, all DC has to do is not give him that stupid… bat… symbol… oh no…. oh my god I can feel it… that thing, that horrible thing is making a comeback! NO!

Jason and Bruce’s talk is basic and it doesn’t do anything for anyone, in the end saying that Jason isn’t changing his ways for Bruce but that he is doing it for himself is more of the same. We know he is doing it for Bruce and we know DC is doing it because they cannot handle good, complex and interesting characters. We know that and sadly we have to live with it.

About Bruce’s illusion, well, Bruce has said that he wanted to kill the clown for a very long time and in the King run it was basically said that if Bruce were to be happy then the idea of Batman would die.

Listen, between me and you, sometimes I think that the Joker isn’t that big of a problem for Gotham as a whole, that clown has beef with the Bat and no one else. If Bruce has killed the Joker Jason would have been happy with Bruce all those years ago but killing the Joker wouldn’t make Gotham a safe place and any of his kids happier.

Bruce needs to care for his children, but he won’t do that, he has Dick for that. Taking care and raising Damian? No, thank you, I will not do that. Giving a shit about my son who lost all his memories and is alone? No thank you, I won’t do that and then I will lie about having watched him over. Tim? Oh, never heard of him, sorry.

The last page of this story is the one of Jason arriving home and finding a new suit that Bruce gave him with the bat symbol on it. That symbol that he had ripped off of Jason’s beat up body back in RHatO #25 (nope, I am not letting that one go).

Oh, and Bruce leaving that suit in Jason’s home gives me the same exact vibes as the time that Bruce was like “Long overdue. This is where you belong. As one of us. One of the family” in Nightwing #74 a second after Dick had regained his memories.

I don’t know why but they make him sound incredibly cold and like these people are just his pawns that he needs to rope back in every time they get away from him. It’s very disturbing.

Anyway, that’s all from me, I obviously LOVED this book, best Jason Todd/Red Hood characterisation ever! 11/10 would recommend to everyone including my enemies!

🙃

#jason todd #Jason Todd #red hood #Red Hood #batman urban legends #urban legends #urban legends red hood #red hood and the outlaws #red hood outlaw #dc comics

103 notes · View notes

pascalpanic · 3 years

Note

Could you write something about submissive Frankie? I feel like he would probably be into Bondage and praise, and he definitely likes getting bossed around and told what to do because he always has to be the one in charge of the boys. He'd definitely be into someone forcing him to stop worrying and trying to be there for everyone.

Let Go (Frankie Morales x f!Reader)

Summary: Frankie needs someone to take care of him too sometimes.

W/C: 3.4K

Warnings: holy shit what isn’t in here. talk of bad mental health. talk of Frankie’s cocaine addiction, which is in the past. talk of death, specifically of Tom. Smut, 18+ ONLY. unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it, babes), bondage, lots of dirty talk, “good boy” is used frequently, oral (m and f receiving), spit as lube, titty-fucking, cum eating, dom/sub elements, bottom/subby Frankie, face sitting, p in v sex, uh that should be everything.

A/N: okay I don’t write this kind of stuff that often (bc I’m a mega bottom) but I hope this was okay, anon!!

The boys love to call Frankie mom. Frankie is the one who coordinates the plans, who sets the time and the place, who is always the designated driver because lord knows the other men like to get shitfaced.

Frankie is and always has been a caring man. He doesn’t call the shots, or take the lead. He hangs back and makes sure the other men are okay first. He knows Benny is soft-hearted, more than any of the others. He checks that he’s handling things. He asks Pope if he can head any other smaller tasks. He makes sure they all eat something and stay out of too much trouble.

He’s often the voice of reason too. The men love to cause chaos, and particularly love to make rash decisions. Pope’s leadership makes the other men blindly follow on occasion, and Frankie is always the one to stop and question. Most of the time, Pope finds that he’s right. Frankie has the strongest moral compass of the group.

Out of all the men, Frankie refuses to be cared for. He bundles his emotions away somewhere deep inside and focuses on the task at hand, leaving him to unravel the knot he created of his feelings later. That’s what led him into addiction- it was the support of the other men that helped him once they uncovered the truth.

That’s what happened in South America, in the disastrous events that killed Redfly and left him with a small sum of money for a lifetime of trauma. He came home to find that his wife left him, and it took everything he had not to relapse again.

The men knew better this time, and Frankie was finally so broken that he gave in. He cried into Benny’s arms while Pope flushed his stash down the toilet, while Will enrolled him in a quiet and discreet outpatient rehab.

That was a long time ago now. Frankie returned to his normal place in the team, the voice of reason. They even respect him more now that they know the depth of his wisdom. Then Frankie met you.

You were everything Frankie needed. You brought sunshine and warmth and happiness into the man’s dull and dreary life. He was no longer living from fight night to fight night, but from the time he got to see you until the next. When you finally moved in together, the men all rejoiced too. Frankie’s energy and happiness and mood all lifted, and he was a happier man with you in his life.

For the first time of his life, Frankie allowed someone to take care of him. He allowed you to cook him meals and took naps on weekends, knowing you’d wake him if something happened. You’d shower him with kisses and affection, rubbing his aching back and working out his sore muscles. He works a hard, manual-labor job, and you treat him wonderfully when he comes home.

He loves you, more than he’s ever loved anything. He loves coming home at the end of the day to find you there, loves the way you wrap your arms around him and kiss him. It’s been months of living together and neither of you have ever tired of each other, never lost that excitement of hearing your partner walking through the door after a long day.

Frankie has softened under the warmth of your love, melted like butter from the affection and love you offer. When he’d normally come home and channel his frustrations through his hips and into his hand, he talks to you and tells you what’s wrong. He listens to his friends more carefully but allows their problems to leave his mind when he gets to see you again.

Today has been hard. Frankie had a hard day at work, his supervisors hurrying him around and giving him a seemingly endless pile of tasks. When he finally finished work, he met up with the you and the guys for a beer. All of the men had their own problems to vent about, and Frankie naturally put aside his own frustrations to listen to the struggles of his friends.

Benny’s been on a mean losing streak. Will has been having endless nightmares of their time in South America, which only brought the four men at the table down even further when he told them all of the terrible memories. Santiago was in a mean mood, shooting snappy remarks at the other men and sinking lower into his annoyance. You tried to lighten the mood, but it seemed that no one was in a good mood tonight. The alcohol didn’t change much, only made Benny weeper and Santi more annoyed. You and Frankie left after about an hour, and he sighed as you drove his truck home, removing his cap and running a hand through his curls.

“How was your day, baby, hm?” You asked gently, your hand reaching over to rest on his thigh.

“Bad, but better now,” he smiles softly. Your touch always reassures him, and the both of you know what the image of you driving his truck does to him. “Lots of shit at work. I was hoping the guys would be a mood-booster, but…” he trails off. You obviously know.

“Hey, let it out,” you ask of him, rubbing his thigh and squeezing it gently. “Tell me about it.”

So he does. Frankie tells you a play-by-play recap of his godawful day, leaving out no detail. You frown as you listen, his frustration and tiredness evident in his voice. “So. I left work pissed off.”

“I can tell,” you chuckle, bringing your hand to his and lacing your fingers together. “But it’s over now.”

He nods with a little smile, looking over at you. “It is. I got my girl with me, I have tomorrow off, and we’re headed home, far away from those fucking idiots.”

You chuckle, loving the way he calls you his girl. Something about that nickname makes your heart flutter every time. “I know something that could make your night better,” you offer in a teasing tone, raising an eyebrow at him and smiling.

He can read the context. He plays into it, grinning. “Oh yeah? How do you plan on doing that, pretty girl?” He asks, dropping your hand and rubbing your thigh as you drive.

You’re at a stoplight, so you lean across the console with a smile. “Let me take care of you tonight, baby. We need to break in those new ties we got, don’t we?” You ask, bringing your face close to his.

Frankie’s pupils widen with lust as he hears the word. “Oh, yeah, we do,” he breathes out, his pants already starting to feel tighter and tighter. “You sure, baby?”

You nod and smile, kissing him quickly. “You deserve it. I’ll be real good to you tonight, I promise,” you murmur as you press a kiss to the tip of his nose.

Frankie smiles. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Frankie baby.”

“Is that okay?” You ask him softly.

Frankie’s wrists and ankles tug against their constraints. He can’t move any of his limbs more than an inch before the soft rope holds him back. “It’s perfect,” he nods as he tries each of the restraints and finds that he can’t move. “I fucking love you,” he says as he looks up at you.

He’s the picture of vulnerability, fully naked in front of you and bound to the bed by each limb. His unsurprisingly thick and long dick is standing at attention, fully ready for you. His eyes hold all of his love, and you grin down at him.

You’ve never been the dominant one- not in your social life, at work, especially not in bed. But something about Frankie, about this kind and warm man, makes you desperately want to take care of him. It’s not that you get off on the ties holding him down, necessarily, though the way he struggles against them is a sight to behold. No, it’s the fact that for this moment, Frankie gets to relinquish all of the control and you get to take care of the man who takes care of you so often.

“I love you too, Frankie,” you coo, putting on your best bedroom eyes. It’s easy to slip into this persona for him, in the way he sometimes needs to be the one dominating you. “You gonna be a good boy for me, baby? You gonna let go?”

“Gonna be so good,” he nods, watching your face as you lick your lips and hungrily eye his dick. “Please, baby,” he begs of you.

You nod. “Always such a good boy,” you purr and climb over the end of the bed, settling between his legs and taking his dick in one hand. He’s so thick, you can barely encircle it with your fingers. You give it a slow tug, not bothering to spit into the hand to make it smoother. Frankie loves the friction, loves the way your warm hands move against the sensitive skin there.

“Fuck,” he shudders at the feeling, and you can feel his toes curling against your side. “Please, baby girl,” he whimpers as he looks down, sees your lips hovering just above the tip.

“Okay,” you nod with a little smirk. “Only because you asked so nicely.” Your lips take the tip into your mouth, swirling your tongue around it and he moans harder at the sensation.

Bobbing your head up and down, you moan around him softly. “You feel so good around me,” he shudders, forcing himself to keep his hips glued to the mattress. “Love your tongue baby. Wish I could grab at your tits right now.”

You pull away and continue to stroke him, chuckling a little as you look up at his flushed face. “I know you love them, baby,” you tease, pushing your breasts up for him to see. “How far can you move your hips? Can you show me?” You ask, a hand rubbing at his thigh.

Frankie nods and thrusts them, showing that he has a small range of motion. He can thrust them just enough up and down.

“You wanna fuck ‘em?” You ask Frankie, swirling your thumb around the tip. “You want me to fuck you with my tits? How does that sound?”

Frankie’s eyes go wide in shock, in surprise and hunger as he looks down at you. “Yes, please baby,” he nods. “Wanna feel it, wanna feel those pretty tits around me.”

You climb up over his body, straddling his strong abdomen and pushing your tits up, holding them in front of his face. “Spit on them,” you command him, and Frankie complies. “Lick them. Make them nice and wet, baby.” He does it, lavishing the soft and delicate skin of your breasts with his tongue, dampening the skin.

You smile devilishly and crawl back down, pushing your breasts together and positioning Frankie’s tip at the bottom. “Go ahead, baby. Come on.”

He slowly thrusts up into it. The sensation is unlike anything you’ve ever felt, Frankie’s hardened length sandwiched between your tits, but you definitely decide you like it as you look up at the expression on his face. His mouth hangs open in awe as he studies the image in front of him. “Fuck,” he shivers. Frankie has always been a tits man, and this is all too much.

“Yeah?” You ask, licking the tip as it comes up through the soft skin, pressing a kiss to the head. “Go on, baby. You can do it.” You play with your nipples as you hold your breasts there, sighing as you tug at the soft peaks.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he basically whimpers as he thrusts in and out of them, the soft skin driving him crazy. He looks blissed out, absolutely in heaven.

“Good boy, Frankie,” you shiver as you feel his cock twitch against your chest. Your heart is pounding so fast and hard you’re sure he can feel it against the sensitive tip. “You gonna cum like this baby? Here?” You ask him, moving your chest against him. “I’ll let you if you ask nicely.”

His brow furrows as the tip pokes in and out of your cleavage, your wet lips pressing sloppy kisses and licks to it when you can. “Please, baby, wanna cum in your tits. Wanna see it.”

You nod. “Such a good boy, Frankie. Go ahead, cum all over me.”

He nods and a few thrusts later, he spurts his hot and white cum from the tip, crying out your name. You move your breasts against him, milking him of every last drop. You moan at the sensation, his hot cum against your flushed chest.

When he’s done, you sit back on your heels and Frankie’s eyes are shut. You chuckle a little, rubbing his thigh. “Open your eyes, baby. Look at the mess you made,” you practically purr, leaning forward for him.

It’s too much. The sticky white liquid drips off your tits, splattered all over. You look so fucking hot that Frankie feels himself starting to get hard again. “Fuck,” he shudders, his spent dick twitching and daring to get a little stiffer.

You smirk as you feel it, can practically sense his arousal seeping back in. You’ve always known Frankie has a short refractory period, allowing the two of you to go a few times in a night, but this is something else, something extremely quick and evident of just how much he’s into the moment. “Oh, baby,” you coo and stroke him softly. “Hard again already? You like it that much?”

You can feel him stiffen in your hand. The blood that rushed away with his orgasm is coming back just as quickly. “So fucking pretty. Just want you to fuck me.”

The words go straight between your legs, where the hot arousal has been pooling the whole time you’ve been treating him. “Oh, yeah?”

“Will you sit on my face?” He asks, voice broken. “Wanna taste you.”

Gulping, you want to say no. You want it to be all about him, but you can’t deny how fucking fantastic he is with his tongue, how desperately aching your clit is. “Fine. But not enough to finish. Gotta do that around your dick, pretty boy,” you coo and give his dick one last pump.

You climb over his body until your tits hang in front of his face. “Clean them off,” you order him, and he does exactly that. His skilled tongue swipes off all of the cum, swallowing it as he gathers it. After a few moments, you’re clean. “Good job, baby,” you mumble and scoot until your clit hovers above Frankie’s mouth.

He wants to grab you, wants to pull you down to him. He can’t. He shivers and waits until you finally sink down low enough for him to get to work.

He works at your clit with all of his attention, his tongue lapping against it and sucking on it. “Fuck,” you shudder, leaning against the headboard and propping yourself up with your hands. “Good boy. Doing so fucking good, ah,” you cry out and your head falls forward onto your arm.

He gets harder, you can tell, making soft noises into your dripping folds. He’s so fucking good at it, desperately eating you out.

Before long, you can feel your orgasm approaching. You push up to your knees, Frankie’s face remaining below you. “Oh, fuck,” you shiver. “So good for me.”

“You gonna fuck me now?” He asks, big brown eyes shining.

“Yes, Frankie,” you smile softly and scoot back down his body.

Before you sink onto him, you press your body flat to his and kiss him, softly and slowly. “I love you,” you murmur into his mouth.

“Love you too, pretty girl,” he shudders at the feeling, at the way your tits press to his. “So good to me.”

You have to admit, you sometimes worry you’re not doing it right. You’ve been worried this whole time that you’re not doing what he wants, that you’re being too mean or, god forbid, too gentle. His reassurance makes you feel better.

Sitting up again, you line yourself up over his dick. Sliding down onto him, you bite your lip at the feeling of his thick length splitting you open. “Frankie, baby,” you cry out, your eyes fluttering shut.

You take a moment at the bottom to sit with him inside you, to adjust. It’s all too much, and all you want now is him. “Do you want me to untie you?” You offer, though your voice is absolutely broken.

“Please, baby, wanna feel you.”

You nod and get completely off of him, getting off the bed too. You untie his ankles first and then his hands, which gravitate to your sides. Once he’s free, he pulls you on top of him again. “C’mere baby. You can ride me, but I wanna make you feel good too,” he murmurs, lining you up and thrusting up into you.

You cry out at the feeling again, your head falling onto his shoulder. “Frankie,” you whimper, both at the feeling and how quickly he returned to the one in power.

His hand lowers and circles your clit. “There,” he nods, kissing your neck. “Now ride me, please.”

You nod, beginning to bounce up and down on him. His freedom gives him more of an ability to grind against you, to thrust the opposite direction of you and make it even more powerful when he pushes deep inside of you.

His fingers work perfectly in time against you, and you can feel the little extra wetness as his precum leaks deep inside of you. His strong hips move in time against yours, lots of quiet and pleasured noises trailing from his lips. “Fuck, baby,” he shudders and presses his lips to yours, kissing you desperately.

You squeal against his lips as his dick finds the g-spot deep inside of you, pressing against it time and time again. “Don’t stop,” you beg and press your forehead to his, your sweat mixing with his own.

“Don’t think I could if I fucking tried,” he breathes, thrusting harder. “Come on, baby. Cum on me, let me cum in you.”

You nod, trying your best to hold out just a little longer. Finally, the cord holding you back snaps and the orgasm rushes through you, making you cry out Frankie’s name as your forehead remains pressed to his.

It’s never happened like this, never with your faces so close and intimate. He watches your expression contort, the pleasure on your face and it absolutely wrecks him. “G-gonna cum baby,” he grunts, holding back.

“Please, Frankie,” you tell him, kissing him for a moment before pulling back. “Fill me, please.”

He bites his lip as he shoots deep inside of you, the pure bliss rushing through his veins as your walls flutter and clench hard on him. He slowly comes down from it and his head falls back into the pillows, swallowing hard.

“Good boy,” you sigh and remove him from inside you before collapsing onto his chest, spent and flushed. “Fuck, baby,” you laugh softly, nudging his chest with your nose.

“I’ve never done that,” he admits, breathlessly, his oxygen just coming back.

“Did you like it?” You ask, your ear pressed to his heartbeat, hearing the loud thumping slow its rhythm.

He chuckles and it makes his chest vibrate. “What do you fucking think?” He laughs, kissing the top of your head. “You’re too good to me, babe. I fucking adore you.”

You smile softly. “I just… get nervous. You know that’s not my thing, being the one to tie you up and take control.”

“I know it isn’t,” he nods. “But I love you even more for being willing to do it. For taking care of me.” He pulls your chin up with a finger to kiss you slowly, lovingly. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” you sigh as you break away.

taglist:

@remmysbounty @mishasminion360 @softly-sad @blo0dangel @binarydanvvers @sleep-tight1 @apascalrascal @randomness501 @spideysimpossiblegirl @notabotiswear @pedro-pastel @sanchosammy @lv7867 @greeneyedblondie44 @hunnambabe @astoryisaloveaffair @emesispo @pedritobalmando @magikfanatic

#frankie catfish morales x reader #frankie catfish morales #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales #catfish morales x reader #catfish morales #pedro pascal #jose pedro balmaceda pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal x reader

241 notes · View notes

deniigi · 3 years

Text

hi I have something for y’all called a disaster.

I wrote an Inimitable!Spiderman/Modern Star Wars AU because no one can stop me, not even myself. it is like 47 pages long. I am handing it tenderly to y’all.

--------------

Title: impossible scenario

Summary: Peter runs into some drunk assholes arguing, calling each other Han and Luke. He lets it roll off him until he can’t anymore and eventually finds himself for the first time on the other side of someone more chaotic than himself.

------------

There was an argument happening under a fire escape. Peter knew about it because a concerned dude wearing a fuckin’ Yankees cap had flagged him down with waving arms and told him that someone needed saving, Spiderman. Some tall asshole was kidnapping a young blond dude, the guy and his too-cool-for-him girlfriend explained. They’d heard the two scuffling.

Peter maybe stared for a beat too long at them because the gal pointed two blocks behind him and said, “That way. I think the blond guy might be drugged. He’s slurrin’ something strong.”

Peter liked her shoes. They looked like Miles’s, but blue.

“Spidey?”

Miles told Peter all the time that he wasn’t cool enough to wear Jordans. MJ and Johnny had agreed. Such sad times.

“Spidey.”

“I got it,” Peter sighed.

The gal tsked.

“Man, you’re too young to be this jaded,” she said.

Peter sighed.

“You’re the third person to say that this week,” he said. “You think I should go back to therapy?”

There was a pause.

“You know that answer, dude,” cool-gal said. “Go save the twink.”

Twink. Got it. Thank you, citizen.

“There are websites for that shit, Spidey.”

Bye now.

“Apps, even.”

Bye, bye.

“BetterHelp or Headspace or somethin’—”

“Two blocks, you said?” Peter asked.

Two blocks away, there was indeed a man with dark hair trying to lift a violently intoxicated twink up onto the first steps of a fire escape. Peter examined his options. There were many ways to ruin a potential kidnapper’s day. His favorite involved coke and mentos, although he’d received feedback that that was a waste of perfectly good food. Down the list was also the option to walk over and scream bloody murder so that the kidnapper shat themselves and dropped their target.

That was good, but Peter was tired and the thought of mustering up the energy to scream at a noticeable volume made his thighs turn to Jell-o.

That left snark and violence.

Today, he would not choose violence. Only for today.

He strode out of his dark temporary residence between two dumpsters directly towards the tall dude and his mark. The mark was a messy one. Bless his heart, he was unwittingly making himself the most noncompliant victim to have ever victim-ed. Every time the tall guy got him almost vertical, he gave up his corporeal form to become drunk slime and ooze back to the ground with various moaning sound effects.

It would have been funny if not for the kidnapping context.

The fact that Peter had been standing there under the beams of two separate side-building security lights and neither of those two had noticed yet was also objectively funny—or would have been, if Peter had the capacity for processing humor at the moment.

Alas. This was what he got for telling Tony that he’d evolved beyond the need for sleep. He got caffeine-pilled. And there would be no true rest until that shit wore off, exhausted as Peter’s body yearned to be.

“Kid, work with me here,” the tall guy said.

“I can’t, I’ll die,” the shorter one moaned.

“Luke.”

“I’ve done my time—thirty years in AZKA—”

“Keep your voice down, oh my god.”

Peter was just standing here, fellas.

“Luke.”

“Why’s it always me? Why’s it always gotta be me? The hell did I do to piss off the whole galax-galaxy? HA. My bad, my bad. The whole universe?”

God, what a mood.

The tall guy dropped his grip on the smaller one and loomed over his puddle of ooze with poison in his gaze.

“People are going to die, Luke,” he said.

“So what? They’re always dyin’. Everywhere I go, people’re dyin’ and when it’s not them dyin’, you know who is?”

“Kid.”

“ME.”

“So you’re just gonna wallow there, feelin’ sorry for yourself?” the tall dude snapped.

“Sure am,” the puddle of ooze hummed.

This was not a kidnapping. This was a come-to-Jesus in the back alley of a bar. Peter was not needed here. He turned around on his heel and stopped when he heard a sharp intake of breath.

“Is that?” someone whispered.

“Don’t mind me, pal, just your friendly neighborhood—” he started.

“Look what you did,” Tall and Handsome hissed at Ooze-Man. “Someone went and called Spiderman on us.”

Peter lifted a brow as Ooze-man ripped its chest up from the asphalt and composed itself back into a human shape with fluffy blonde hair and huge wide eyes.

“Omigod, it’s Spiderman,” the guy said. “Wait, no. Gimme a hand. No, not that one, fuck off, nevermind, I don’t need you.”

He drew himself up to standing, only leaning slightly on his buddy there and gave Peter as lopsided smile.

“Hi, there,” he said with a twang that Peter couldn’t place. “Were you lookin’ for someone, handsome?”

Ah, they had reached the time of night when all the drunks needed to tell Peter things he already knew about his ass. He loved this time.

Not to mention that this dude looked eerily like Johnny. Scarily like Johnny. So much like Johnny that Peter almost wanted to take a picture of him to send to Sue so that she could print up some lost and found posters.

“Just lookin’ at you, babe,” he said. “This guy botherin’ you?”

The tall guy blanched and then grabbed at his face in horror. Peter swallowed his laugh.

“He sure is, hon. You got time to rescue me?” Blondie crooned.

“Luke, please. Please.”

“Because I’m in real distress,” ‘Luke’ said with a pout mighty enough to fell Thor.

“You sure seem like it,” Peter said. “C’mere. I’ll walk you home. Leave that tool, he ain’t worth your breath.”

He held out an elbow like proper gentleman and was pleased at the hand that Luke laid over his heart in response.

Peter could imagine Johnny’s face in six different expression of jealous horror at a selfie taken with this look-alike. Each was beautiful in its own special way. As payment for being referred to counseling by the public, he at least deserved to receive at least two of those faces.

“You mean that?” Luke asked him.

“He doesn’t,” his tall companion said.

“I sure do, where do you live? I’ll walk you,” Peter said.

“Oh my god, I’m gonna cry, he’s gonna escort me,” Luke said, all choked up and fanning his eyes lightly.

This tall friend grabbed him before he could escape, though, and pulled him back behind his own body.

“Listen, Spidey, this is a misunderstanding,” he drawled. “I know this idiot—he is technically my idiot— and I’m the one escorting his ass home. Thanks, though. You’re a real menace. Beat it.”

MMMMMMM.

And here Peter had been planning on being jaded and miserable this fine night. How could he now when this dude was ticking every box that made him feel alive?

“What’s your name, dollface?” Peter asked across the short distance.

“None of your business,” Tall Guy answered abruptly.

“Luke,” Luke said around him. “Are you gonna save me?”

“In just a minute,” Peter said, striding forward with a hard roll in his shoulder and deep drop in his knees.

It was amazing how Tall Guy wanted to take some steps back all of the sudden. Peter couldn’t help but let a smirk widen his face as he advanced.

“Okay, hang on now,” Tall Guy said with both palms out in front of him. “You don’t know what this is about, Spidey. You don’t want to get involved with this, trust me. He’s just bein’ dramatic. No need to get testy.”

“You sure do a lot of talkin’ for your friend there,” Peter noted through his grin.

“Yeah, Han,” Luke said.

Ha.

Han. Han and Luke. Ned was gonna be enraptured when Peter told him about this later.

“Luke. Back me up.”

“Why should I?”

“Because,” ‘Han’ finally snapped. “I’m not doin’ this because I want you to suffer, alright? I don’t want nothin’ to do with it either, okay? No one does. But it’s this or—”

“Or everyone else,” Luke finished for him in a strangely toneless voice.

Han sighed.

“It’s always everyone else,” Luke said.

“Not here.”

“Why’s it always everyone el—No, no, here. Why not? We’ve got fucking Spiderman in our midst, how much more surreal can this moment get? No. You listen to me, Han—”

“I’ve been listening to you all damn evening and you know what I’m hearing?”

“—I lost my life for this. I lost my home, my aunt, my uncle, my hand—”

“I’m hearing you making this about you.”

“—everything I ever knew, and I tried to make it right, didn’t I? I made the school. I gathered the kids—”

“And it’s not just about you this time, kid. It’s not about you, it’s not about me, or Leia, or Chewie or—”

“—I lost my kid and the love of my life, and I finally get a second chance at finding them and giving them the goddamn happy ending they deserve, and the next thing I know—”

“Luke, you’re the only one,” Han said.

“I WAS NEVER. THE ONLY. ONE, HAN,” Luke roared out of absolutely nowhere, sober as a saint. “I was never the only one. EVER. Ahsoka. Go find her. She’s everything that I’m not and more. She’s the real—”

“Luke.”

“Stop saying that name. I HATE that name. I would do anything for twenty goddamn seconds where I didn’t have to be him.”

“You don’t mean that,” Han said quietly. His shoulders had rounded out and become black and heavy under the weight of their shadow. Luke’s eyes, however, looked like topaz.

“I mean it,” Luke said.

Oho.

So shit had gotten real tense, real fast, so Peter about to make a decision that was gonna make Shelley so proud of him she would weep when he finally slunk back in through her office door.

He was leaving. He was turning around and taking a wee jog. Maybe turning a corner, having a little jump over a fence, up a wall, to a place as far away from this one as superhumanly possible.

Bye, bye.

“This galaxy needs you, Luke.”

Peter stopped five paces away.

“They need you,” Han repeated. “And I need you.”

Peter slowly looked back to see that Luke’s face had twisted sharply out of the light, towards the alley wall.

“I’m sorry that we met again like this,” Han said quietly. “I’m sorry it’s always you. You don’t deserve this. No one deserves this.”

“Shut up,” Luke said.

“But if you don’t do something, then it won’t be just me and you and all these random others sliding back into that cesspit we all barely crawled out of.”

“Stop.”

“You’ll never find him if things go back the way they were.”

“You—you don’t know that. There—maybe—”

“Luke. Listen to me. Please.”

“Maybe there’s a chance—”

“Luke,” Han said reaching out and putting a hand on Luke’s shoulder and clenching it hard enough that Peter should see the bunched fabric, “Do you want Din to live through this shitshow a second time? Hasn’t he suffered enough?”

Peter shivered. The pressure at the base of his neck was building. The Spidey Sense wanted to hiss in his ears like white noise. It pinned him where he was, staring over his shoulder at those two solid shapes, one digging a hand into the flesh of the other.

His stomach turned.

Luke said something that Peter couldn’t hear. Han pulled him toward his own body by the grip he had on his shoulder. At first, Luke seemed to stagger, like he was walking on black ice. He stopped a single step away from Han’s body, still with his face angled severely away. Han said something to him.

There was a long pause, then Luke seemed to fall forward. Han caught him and crushed his head into his shoulder, lowering his own until it was almost touching Luke’s ear. They clung to each other.

Luke was crying.

The Spidey Sense started to crackle and pop in Peter’s ears.

“I gotchu, kid,” Han said in a rasp. “I gotchu. We’re gonna get through it.”

Peter blinked once and finally unlocked the muscles in his neck. He wasn’t meant to witness this. He held out a wrist and fired a line.

It was weird.

It was just weird.

Something wasn’t right. And Peter couldn’t make his stomach not writhe about it.

Luke.

Han.

An offhand mention of like, characters. Character names. They were character names. Leia, Chewie.

Peter had heard of people who lived their lives honestly believing that they had been other people—fake people—in past lives, but like, damn man. Why would you put yourself in a position like that were you were moved to actual tears for some elaborate street-drama?

Maybe it had been a joke? That was the only thing he could think it could be. Maybe the universe had gazed upon his hubris at work and gone ‘ah yes, I know what this young man needs: emotional confusion at midnight on a Thursday. That’ll fix him.’

If that was the case, then yeah. Good job, universe. Good job, larpers. Y’all are equally sick.

But if not—and Peter no longer lived in a world where he could rule out any possibilities—then he had just witnessed—Dude, he’d just witnessed—

He couldn’t even think it. It was beyond him. It was so far beyond him that like he might have a real stroke taking the thought seriously.

There was only one person who could hold that kind of information unscathed.

Only one.

PP: Ned. I need you to listen to me and tell me I’m not crazy.

NL: no promises but go on

PP: I think? I just saw? Luke Skywalker? And Han Solo? In an alley behind Kitty’s?????

NL: fascinating

JS: Say more

PP: who let you in here?

JS: you?

PP: SECURITY

NL: Peter say more

PP: I can’t there’s a nerd in here and it’s vibrating at the wrong decibel. SECURITY???

MJ: yeah?

PP: I’m trying to have a breakdown. Can you remove Matchstick please?

MJ: what kind of breakdown

JS: he thinks he met Luke Skywalker

PP: Security has failed me. God?

NL: Peter can you name three things you can see.

PP: I am not manic. I am in touch with reality. I’m just having anxiety because I just fucking saw two people calling each other Luke and Han fighting behind Kitty’s. Like real fighting.

JS: nicknames?

PP: I—

PP: oh my god nicknames

PP: Johnny I’m so sorry I ever doubted you. never leave my side

JS: 😊

MJ: wow that’s cringe. Imagine naming yourself after SW characters

NL: does kitty do a cosplay night now????

PP: idk it was wild. People thought that ‘Han’ was trying to kidnap ‘Luke’ but when I got over there, Luke started flirting with me and then shit got real and they started arguing over like him hating his name and not wanting to do something and losing everything or some shit

NL: that’s a lot. I’m sure it was nothing, though, peter.

PP: yeah it was. My SS has been going nuts ever since I left. You think they bugged me?

JS: yes I will come search your body imminently

MJ: my job storm, back off

JS: after MJ has finished prelim checks, I will then search your body for you out of the kindness of my heart ❤

NL: that’s weird, the SS doesn’t usually freak out about cosplayers

PP: ikr?

NL: lol imagine if they were serious

MJ: don’t say that

JS: well now we have to lean in. thanks ned

JS: they were definitely real. God they were so real. You hear that Fate? You got us. They’re definitely real.

PP: BUT WHAT IF THEY WERE?

MJ: cue breakdown

NL: that would be so fucking funny. Luke Skywalker and Han Solo trying to save the world from the hellscape of nyc. The rats alone would thwart them.

PP: ned I’m freaking out

NL: oh you mean you’re actually freaking out?

PP: deeply

NL: oh shit sorry. I’ll be over, have you slept yet?

PP: NO

MJ: on it

JS: can I join?

NL: no johnny

MJ: no johnny

PP: 😭

JS: one day our love will build a bridge, peter. In the meantime I am stroking your ear comfortingly from midtown

Need and MJ’s weight pinning him to a mattress brought sleep but not necessarily comfort. They both thought that this was a sick joke someone had played on him that was now destroying his psyche. They thought that the couple pointing him back towards the cosplayers had been in on the joke.

Peter would have agreed with them if it wasn’t for the Spidey Sense. Everything else lined up perfectly.

Ned sighed in the morning and told Peter to go talk to Wade.

Wade’s hallucinations were, by far, more auditory than visual, but he stayed quiet while Peter talked his ear off over the phone in his locked office. He waited until Peter had run out of words to describe the feeling of impending doom and then huffed a bit of a laugh into the receiver.

“Them Star Wars people are unreal, Pete, you know this,” he said. “Look at Ned.”

Ned was perfect.

“Take off those rosy shades, hon. Now, look again.”

Ned had perhaps memorized the entire scripts of the first three movie and 90% of the spaceship names and the jedi lineages.

“Uh-huh. Keep going.”

Peter didn’t want to.

“We all gotta do shit we don’t want do.”

Fine.

Ned’s goal in life was to go to his wedding in a stormtrooper suit.

“Keep going.”

Every Lego project they’d built together since 13 years-old had been a Star Wars-related one. When Ned had decided to move out of his parents’ place, he’d shed actual tears over MJ and Peter mutually suggesting that he sell some of his memorabilia.

“Will this delightful buffet before our very eyes, what is the likelihood of your two pals being drunk larpers in too deep to quit?” Wade asked.

73%.

“Uh-huh.”

“Thanks, Wade.”

“No problem. Although, now I gotta see this. You said they were behind Kitty’s? You think I can get a stormtrooper costume in 8 hours?”

“They’re not still gonna be there, Wade,” Peter huffed. “It’s 10 am.”

“You ain’t know that. What if Luke Skywalker’s a useless drunk, huh? You ever think of that?”

No.

“What’d he look like?”

Peter groaned.

“He looked like Luke Skywalker,” he said. “Blond hair, blue eyes—sort of like a chipmunk that forgot its stripes.”

“I’m onto you, Skywalker.”

Peter hung up to Wade’s cackle. He slouched low and tapped his pen against his desk. Then against his fingers.

He stared at the edge of his keyboard.

“What’s the weirdest thing you could imagine, Pete?” he asked himself.

PP: sam

SC: yeah?

PP: do you like star wars?

SC: nah

PP: you’re perfect

PP: do you believe in past lives?

SC: like spiritually or culturally? I know I was a cult-kid for a min there but before that we were Buddhists and like, past lives are part of the package

PP: that’s cool. What do you think of people being reborn as themselves again like, 500000000 years later? From a galaxy far far away?

SC: I don’t think about those people

PP: okay well, hypothetically. Let’s say that you were going to imagine someone who embodied that whole spirit. Who would it be?

SC: Buddha

PP: not buddha

SC: is this a riddle? Is it Jesus?

PP: THOR. Thank you this has been helpful ily bye

Mr. Stark asked him over a cup of viciously black coffee why Peter was seeking out the demigod of his present nightmares.

That usually meant that he and Thor had disagreed on basic physics principles again. Peter took that also to mean that the demigod was still in the building. Possibly loose.

“He’s with Banner,” Mr. Stark said scathingly.

“Thanks, you’re amazing,” Peter said as he sailed out of the room.

Thor was sitting on Dr. Banner’s lab table, despite Dr. Banner telling him to get off no fewer than two times in the five minutes that Peter was in there, schmoozing and making pleasantries. He warmed Thor up to the home-run hit by asking him all about past lives and present lives and what the soul was on Asgard. Thor was only too happy to explain a load of nonsense that made Banner roll his eyes and poke at his muscles with a thermometer.

“So, hypothetically speaking,” Peter drawled in a very casual lean, “With the infinite galaxies and universes, etcetera, there could be one where Star Wars people exist. And so hypothetically, they could get reborn into a universe like ours.”

Thor blinked at him.

“You remember the laser swords?” Dr. Banner deadpanned.

Thor lit up.

“I suppose it’s possible,” he told Peter indulgently. “But if that was the case then it would be a long tragedy, no?”

…yes…

Say more, Thor-man.

“Well,” Thor said with a big, happy smile, “The series of events that unfolded in that story seemed to me to be one of triumph and tragedy. With one would come the other—that’s how these stories work, yes?”

…yes.

“So if Master Luke Skywalker and his companions arrived into our space here, then they must experience the same in order to be themselves,” Thor said, bobbing his head in pity. “Perhaps what would look like a new start for such people would result only in terror and disappointment until the same conclusion was reached.”

Peter felt his own grin twitch.

“So it’s not impossible?” he asked.

Both Thor and Banner looked at him quizzically at the same time.

“Peter?” Dr. Banner asked. “Is this coming from somewhere?”

Peter’s grin twitched so violently, it turned into a grimace that even superstrength would not let him maintain.

“Can I borrow one of you?” he asked.

Wade was not happy to be met outside of Kitty’s in the middle of the day, especially because his stormtrooper outfit, in his words, ‘did no justice for the size of his balls.’

Peter was ignoring that. He dragged Thor past Wade’s righteous anger until he was standing on the place where the other two had stood the night before. Thor stood there gamely.

“There,” Peter said. “Any like, energy signatures?”

Thor glanced around and shrugged.

Wade scowled at him and hounded him off the spot so that he could stand there instead.

“I feel nothing,” he said, devoid of emotion.

“Same,” Thor said.

Damnit.

“Perhaps you are—”

The Spidey Sense smashed through all of Peter’s sense and screamed at him to get to the street.

Get to the street. Get to the street. Get to the—

There.

Across the way. Chipmunk, no stripes.

That was the guy from the day before. He was on the opposite sidewalk smashed in with the crowd, dragging a hand through his hair and laden with a backpack and two separate totes. He was wearing a strange set of clothes—a mash of casual and formal—and seemed to be in a hurry, the type of hurry that involved pushing past folks at a half-jog and not stopping at streetlights.

“Got ‘im,” Peter hissed.

“No shit?” Wade asked over his shoulder.

Thor made a sound of interest.

“I see him, too,” he said. “What incredible energy, I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Wh—

Peter whirled on him.

“Don’t you fucking say that,” he warned. “I’m gonna go distract. You two, on my six.”

Peter broke four traffic laws on his way around the block. He swung himself around a corner and fucked up the collar on his labcoat and counted to four before stepping out right into ‘Luke’s path.

They collided. Luke stumbled back and dropped one of his totes.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” Peter blustered. “Are you okay?”

Luke swore and dropped down without answering, collecting the odd ends of metal that had clattered out from his bag and now rolled loose over the pavement. Peter stooped to join, gathering rings and pipes of all sorts of sizes in his hands. Oncoming folks gave them a wide berth.

It took a moment for Luke to realize what Peter was doing, but when he did, his shoulders went stiff as a board.

“DON’T TOUCH THOSE,” he snapped, just as Peter made to pick up a little plastic bag with a wad of tissue inside it.

Peter froze.

“Oh. Sorry,” he said.

This time, Luke finally met his eye.

“Oh, Jesus. No. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” Luke blustered, “Thank you. I’ll—I’ve got them. Thank you, though. It’s okay.”

He took the metal out of Peter’s hands and stuffed them back into his bag. He snatched the plastic bag before Peter could touch it and put that on top.

“Excuse me,” he said as he stood. “Thanks again.”

And just like that, he hurried off past Peter down the pavement.

Peter watched him go.

“Catch?” Wade asked softly from the corner.

“Negative,” Peter said, reaching into his sleeve and holding up the thin aluminum tube he’d hidden up there by the edge of his shirt-sleeve.

It was shiny and longer than he’d expect for any plumbing project. The inside appeared to be coated with some sort of heavy, non-reactive material, and half of the outside had grooved bands carved into it.

“Someone’s building something,” he said.

“Mid-century sink?” Wade asked, taking the tube.

“Nope,” Peter said.

NL: That is a lightsaber hilt

NL: where did you get that? It’s like mega accurate. Was it etsy?

PP: I stole it

NL: give it back

PP: I can’t I stole it from Luke Skywalker.

NL: Peter.

NL: we talked about this.

PP: He’s Luke Skywalker. I swear on the grave of my mother

MJ: this is a problem. This is now an intervention.

PP: I will prove it. If he’s Luke Skywalker, then he will do ANYTHING to get this thing back.

NL: and if not?

PP: then I will wait two days before politely tracking down his home address and then I will return it via wall crawling

JS: UM

JS: SORRY

JS: PETER CAN YOU CALL ME?

PP: no

NL: no

MJ: no

JS: are

JS: are you sure??? Because there’s a guy in Reed’s lab right now talking to him and Sue, asking SUPER politely for access to—I shit you not—the crystals we picked up from that space trip the other day???

NL: …

PP: …

MJ: …

PP: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

MJ: fake

NL: no way

PP: WHAT’S HIS NAME, JOHNNY BOY????

JS: I can’t

PP: nope you gotta

JS: I can’t I’m gonna cry I didn’t ask for this

MJ: out with it

NL: please say it’s obi-wan

JS: HHHHHHHHHHH

JS: nope

JS: just a guy named Ben 🙃

PP: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

PP: I told you motherfuckers

JS: right. So like. Awkward. But you uh, know that hilt thing you have?

PP: …is Obi-Wan Kenobi about to beat my ass, Johnny?

There was something about putting the hilt into the palm of someone more famous than Captain America that made Peter’s knees weak.

It did not help that Luke Skywalker had flirted with him the other night.

It did not help that Luke Skywalker didn’t recognize him as Spiderman.

Nothing helped, really, especially when those big topaz eyes lifted and Peter could see that their rims were red and raw.

“Thanks,” Luke Skywalker—the embodiment of hope itself—said in a soft, defeated rasp.

Every alarm in Peter’s head said to save him. Save him from what? How? Who knew.

Ned and MJ seemed to feel the same way, if the pressure on each of his arms was anything to go by.

“Well, that’s all cleared up, then. Thank you so much for your help; it is deeply appreciated,” a stupidly pleasant gentleman with a perfectly combed beard and lovingly coifed light hair said to the room at large.

Obi-Wan Kenobi—pardon, Ben Kennedi—was far more handsome than any movie could ever dream to make him. What they’d done to him in the 1970s, Peter saw now, was a fucking crime. He watched as this beautiful human being set a warm hand on Luke Skywalker’s—pardon, Luke Naberry’s—shoulder and used it to steer him towards the Baxter Building’s front entrance.

He watched as the two of them, like true Master and Padawan, stepped out onto the landing and opted for the stairs. For one fleeting, unbelievable second, Luke looked back over his shoulder at all of them before taking the next step after his Master.

He was right the other night.

He wasn’t the only jedi. Not anymore.

“So that just happened,” Sue acknowledged for everyone after the door had clicked closed and the sound of footsteps had faded off to nothing.

“I’m going to cry,” Reed announced.

“This is single-handedly the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Ned said.

“Obi-Wan Kenobi walked into our kitchen,” Reed told Sue like she hadn’t been there right next to him.

“The empire is trying to establish itself under our very feet,” Sue said back a little viciously.

“The real empire,” Reed whimpered.

Wait.

No, go back.

“For real?” Peter asked.

Sue and Reed looked back at the rest of them and then exchanged a look.

Peter was sad now. Depressed and laid out on his side staring back at Valeria’s huge eyes on the floor while Ned and MJ and Johnny asked Reed and Sue two hundred clarifying questions.

Peter didn’t need the specifics. He was thinking back on the conversation that he’d witnessed between Luke and Han Solo—Han Solo who was tall with dark hair and dark eyes and an accent straight out of New Jersey. Solo who had probably been charged with forcing Luke to face the facts in front of all of them because he was the one who Luke trusted most.

But it had shattered them—both of them.

The New Hope had given up everything. He was tired. His heart was torn. He was jaded just like Peter had been that same night. He’d been avoiding the tightrope that Peter had already started crossing, though, probably looking for every possible way to not have to set the first foot on that wobbly line.

He’d walked it before.

Valeria reached out with a chubby, round hand and touched the side of Peter’s face.

“Spiderman,” she said with terrifying understanding, “Someone needs help.”

He wriggled in close enough to bonk heads with her.

“Baby Storm,” he whispered, “I think you’re right.”

MJ thought that Peter needed to leave things alone. She pointed out that he had plenty of problems without getting involved in universe-saving. She gestured to Johnny and volunteered him for the job.

Johnny refused on account of needing to be the prettiest blond in any room. He claimed that if he wasn’t, he had to fight for dominance.

Ned was on the other end of the spectrum. He had 43 reasons why Peter should get involved with things, and 40 of them ended up in the same place which was ‘it would be cool.’

One of Ned’s better reasons, however, involved pointing out that Peter had already stolen half of a lightsaber. He was good and involved now, whether he wanted to be or not. And that was enough for Peter to decide to go on a hunt to give a formal apology.

He recruited Ned to help him locate Luke Skywalker.

That didn’t work.

They tried Luke Naberry.

That didn’t work either.

They ended up going through every possible iteration of every Star Wars name they knew and then filtered out the people who’d been named by exuberant parents and then filtered out anyone who didn’t live in New York and they ended up with fat lot of still nothing.

It was like Luke Skywalker didn’t truly exist in this world.

Until MJ found his Instagram by typing in ‘guys who look weirdly like Luke Skywalker.’

She held the phone aloft in triumph and they all gathered round to gape in awe at her intelligence and research skills.

Luke’s Instagram was nothing but pictures of coffee.

He had one selfie and this selfie was enough to have gotten him onto a BuzzFeed article. In it he was holding—you guessed it—coffee. Iced coffee. One in each hand.

He was shaking them, and one had been labeled with his name—hence the public connection made.

“Someone needs to tell him that coffee is not a food group,” Johnny observed.

“Maybe he works nights,” MJ said.

Ned lifted an eyebrow.

“Maybe this is his job,” he said.

There was a pause.

Some snooping revealed that Luke was an honest to god food website editor. He was a cameraman.

Repeat. Luke Skywalker, cameraman. He filmed all the food hosts for his company’s Youtube channel. He edited videos. He more or less blended into the background of everything, while having his finger prints on damn near everything.

This was a man after Peter’s own soul. They were kindred spirits in hidden identities, content creation, and suffering under a boulder of responsibility too great to cope with.

He had to find him now.

And after they had his Instagram it wasn’t too hard. He seemed to hang out in various parts of the Bronx and Peter just so happened to know some folks out that way.

Louis told Peter that he would never speak to him again if he found, befriended, and then didn’t share Luke Skywalker (the man, the real man, I’m not fucking with you, Louis). But he also recognized a place on Luke’s instagram that he seemed to be working his way through the menu of. He sent along an address and told Peter not to forget his promises.

Angel asked why he was looking for Johnny Storm in the Bronx.

Peter left Louis to rattle sense into her.

He took a walk on Saturday morning. A long walk. A long train ride, then a walk, then a half hour of squinting, and then, lo and behold, he found a blond guy banging his head into the center of an out door metal table across from a woman with heavy braids trailing down the sides of her neck. She was much older than him and drummed white-painted fingernails across her cheek as she thought.

Peter hid and called Ned and MJ for an ID. He peeked the phone’s camera out enough for them to see the other two and then snatched it back.

Ned was about to flip a table.

“That’s clearly Ahsoka Tano,” he said. “She—the braids, dude. Dead give-away. And she put ribbons in them, like what even is discretion?”

Peter didn’t know that person. He continued not to know this person, even as Ned dragged him through a trainwreck of Star Wars lore.

“So she’s a friend,” he said.

“She’s like a jedi, but not like a jedi, she was a jedi, but then she said ‘fuck the order’ and—”

Great. Peter was approaching.

Ned held his face in his hands. MJ told Peter to report back on his findings. Peter ended the call and inched closer, weaving through the crowd and slipping into the coffee joint to see what nonsense they were selling.

It was nonsense with lots of syrup. He could never say no to syrup.

He watched the two outside while waiting for his order. Luke gesticulated to his friend and she spoke, giving reasonable gestures back. He stopped her and dug out his phone and that little plastic baggy full of fluffy material. He answered his phone. His friend took the little bag and held it up to the light.

She frowned at it.

Luke pushed away from the table and walked away to take his call. Peter’s order was called. He grabbed it and swerved out towards the patio.

“Hello,” he said at the edge of Luke and his friend’s table. “Is this seat taken?”

Luke’s friend stared at him.

“It is,” she said. “Move along, hon, you’re ten years too young.”

Wow.

“For your friend?” Peter tried. “Could I leave my number?”

He had this lady’s attention now. She was looking him up and down, appraising. Peter tried not to flex. He stayed cool. Matt-levels of cool. He smiled winningly.

“Alright, why not?” she said, digging through her bag for a receipt and a pen. Peter beamed as he leaned down to scrawl his number down on the back. He got halfway through before he heard a step stop nearby.

“Look alive, kid,” Luke’s friend said. “Hey, Luke, this guy was just—”

“You again?” Luke said.

Peter lifted his head and brows.

“Hi,” he said. “I just wanted to apologize.”

There was a long silence.

Luke’s friend looked between them and then gave Luke a long, judgmental stare.

“You don’t have to,” Luke said. “Thanks, though. How did you find me here?”

Mmm. Beginner’s luck.

“Here,” Peter said, offering his number on the receipt. “If you ever need someone to talk to who gets it.”

Luke’s friend bit her lip and looked away in secondhand embarrassment. Peter ignored her for now.

“Thanks,” Luke said. “You don’t and you won’t. But you’re very pretty.”

Nice.

“You’d be surprised,” Peter told him. “Gimme a text. I’ll leave y’all alone now. Enjoy your coffee.”

He left. But not before hearing, “but that ass, Luke.”

Ned told him that there was no way that Luke was ever going to text him and he was disappointed in Peter’s hostage-taking skills.

But he was proved wrong two hours later and, for his crimes, had to admit Peter’s brilliance publicly.

LS: hi sorry. This is Luke. This morning when you stopped by our table, did you happen to see a little plastic bag on it?

Why yes. The one in Peter’s pocket right now? That bag?

PP: hi!! I did, actually. You guys aren’t very subtle 😏

LS: it’s not coke

PP: I’m not judging

LS: no, it’s not coke, I swear. It’s something INFINITELY more important. Did you happen to see if it had fallen on the ground?

PP: ah, no, sorry. I didn’t see it

PP: OH NO

PP: oh my god I’m so sorry, I think I took it with me when I accidentally took your friend’s pen.

LS: I

LS: what’s your name?

PP: Peter ❤

LS: Peter, you have a fucking problem

LS: I’m starting to think that you want something from me. And listen, you’re a handsome guy, but I’m not available and my type isn’t kleptomaniac. What do you want for it?

PP: well you got me

PP: to talk

LS: about what?

PP: mostly about why you look like you’re a wet phonebook in a bad gutter

LS: a phonebook???? What era are you even from????

PP: I could say the same to you, sir.

LS: I

LS: wh

LS: alright touche. The point is that I’m not going to talk to you. I just need that bag back. It’s a life and death situation.

PP: what are they? They aren’t coke crystals.

LS: how would you know?

PP: what are you, a cop?

LS: NO. This is going nowhere. What. Do. You. Want?

PP: To. Talk.

LS: I’m not going to talk to you.

PP: then why did you ask me to rescue you?

He held his breath.

LS: I didn’t

PP: you did

LS: I didn’t ask you for shit. This is it. What’s your last name.

PP: Man 😊

LS: Man what

PP: That’s my last name.

LS: Peter Man.

PP: oop, nope, sorry. That’s someone else.

LS: …so I’m calling the police, now. That’s what we’re saying?

PP: depends. Do you still need to be rescued?

Come on, Skywalker. Come on, remember.

LS: I never asked you to rescue me.

PP: You did. Think back.

LS: I didn’t

LS: I just made a joke to

LS: WHAT AFAJSDFA DTTH E FUCK

Peter cackled and let himself fall onto his back.

PP: Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii ❤

LS: YOU’RE

PP: Just your friendly neighborhood guy ❤

LS: YOU

LS: you

PP: me

LS: THAT’s how the storms knew you

PP: yep 💋

LS: I don’t even know what to say

PP: it’s okay, you don’t have to say shit. The main thing I wanted you to know was that I hear you. And if you need it, I’ve got you.

LS: You’re literally trying to rescue me??

PP: it’s my job

LS: IT ISN’T. How have you never been arrested? how did you find me? Did you track my phone? Is it some kind of spider thing???

PP: yes

LS: I am legally obligated to kill you with the force now

PP: harder daddy

LS: ADaaSDASFSDFSdd

LS: oh my god Han is going to lose his gourd

LS: I’m sorry I just I can’t believe you of all people stole my damn hilt

PP: I’ve got……………………..sticky fingers

LS: go die

LS: no I didn’t mean that sorry that’s a thing with me and my sister. I mean, okay. You got me. Hero of NYC.

Peter’s cheeks were starting to hurt.

PP: I’ll bring them back to you.

LS: Please do, Ben’s about to have a stroke.

PP: you mean obi-wan?

LS: he’s convinced his cat ate them. There’s a staring contest happening. No one has blinked in two minutes and I don’t want to be here for the internal investigation.

PP: where do you live?

Luke sent an address. Peter held his phone high and walked it into the living room where Ned was bitchily composing an Instagram post. He and MJ looked up at the same time.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” Peter said. “Luke Skywalker and Co. live in a cemetery.”

It wasn’t a cemetery. It was a funeral home, but close enough.

Luke was waiting outside on the stoop in a cardigan about four sizes too big for him. It was there probably to protect him from the equally large ragdoll cat in his arms.

Peter smiled. Luke stared at him and then shook his head and went through the screen door. Ned gave Peter a biting look.

“Made friends, I see,” he said.

“We’re doin’ great,” Peter told him, hopping up the stairs. “Look at us, totally—”

“Insidious.”

Peter stopped and turned nervously to see through the screen door where Obi-Wan Kenobi had seized both of the cat’s cheeks. Luke continued to hold it with maximum doneness levels.

“Where have you been?” Obi-Wan asked the cat seriously.

“We have guests,” Luke said. “Take your beast.”

Obi-Wan snatched the cat out of Luke’s arms with contempt all over his face.

“You are a villain of the highest order,” he told it.

“Ben. Guests. Please evacuate. I am hosting negotiations,” Luke said.

“We should have named you ‘Sith.’”

“Ben.”

Peter was not going to laugh at Obi-Wan Kenobi. That was too surreal.

“Come in,” Luke said, returning to hold open the screen. “I hope you’re not allergic. There are two of them.”

T-two?

“The other one is Junior.”

Peter stepped over the threshold and found himself in a room that looked like a human birdhouse. It was full of surfaces that were almost completely empty, as though an enrichment object had once lived there but had been removed as punishment. Luke waved Ned and MJ in and accepted their apologies on Peter’s behalf.

Peter ignored them to lock eyes with a creature more stunning than any he had ever encountered. It sat on the kitchen counter by a single clear jar labelled ‘Not Spice.’ It blinked grumpy green eyes.

“Oh, it’s these people again?”

They all looked behind them to see Obi-Wan peering around a doorframe with the first cat draped over his shoulders.

“Kleptomaniac,” Luke said, pointing at Peter. Peter waved.

“Huh,” Obi-Wan said simply. “I will distract Ahsoka.”

He vanished. Luke grimaced after him.

“Let’s go talk in the back,” he said. “There are no bodies, I promise.”

The funeral home had a little deck and a yard small even for this far out in Queens. It was crammed full of plants that appeared to be in a competition to bloom. Luke invited them to sit and then left to make coffee.

Coffee, yes, how had Peter forgotten.

He peeked over the side of the deck down where there was a large stone set in the center of the garden.

“A seeing stone,” Ned whispered to him.

“Oh, how did you know?”

They all jumped.

Peter swore that Obi-Wan hadn’t opened that sliding door. How had—what—

Ned was at a loss for words in the face of one of his greatest heroes.

“I—uh. M-movie? I mean, sorry. It was in The Mandalorian, second season, with the—”

“Yet more television,” Obi-Wan said derisively.

They all stared.

“Can you teleport?” MJ asked him.

“I thought you were bothering Ahsoka?” Luke asked, from inside. He squeezed past the man and his cat with three glass mugs in hand. He set them down on the little square table off to the side of the desk railing.

“I was, but then I got curious,” Obi-Wan said. “And I lost Junior.”

Luke stared at him.

“I’m going to lock you in the basement,” he said.

“Try, try, and try again,” Obi-Wan told him, petting his beloved cat’s head.

“Do you even know who Spiderman is, old man?”

“More television.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Peter had to keep a conscious watch on his jaw, lest it fall open in the face of the most handsome, clueless man on the planet. He watched as Obi-Wan, disgusted with all this ‘television’ nonsense skulked back off into the guts of the home. Luke shut the door behind him.

“So,” he said, holding out his hand. “We’re talking. Fork ‘em.”

Ah.

Fair was fair.

Peter produced the plastic bag from his pocket and handed it over. There was a shout somewhere inside followed by someone going ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’

“Ben keeps our home ghost free. He terrifies all the wannabee haunters,” Luke said simply. “Thank you for these. I imagine it’s somewhat of a shock to learn that it’s all real.”

It was, but it wasn’t the weirdest thing Peter had encountered by far.

“How long have you lived in New York?” he asked conversationally.

Luke gave him a weird brow.

He seemed smaller than before in that enormous cardigan. Certainly smaller than the movies made him seem. His face was a little thinner too, and his lips seemed to slope into an almost permanent pout.

“About twenty years,” he said. “We were born in California, but Anakin moved us here when we were eight.”

Anakin? Like, Darth Vader, Anakin?

“’Luke, I am your father’—yeah, that guy,” Luke said with a scoff. “Except, you know, he ain’t dead. And he’s the only one who can make Ben remember that tea isn’t a meal, so we keep him around for that and to scream back at Leia.”

Peter was already completely lost to the dynamics of this household. It wasn’t like the books and movies—Ned’s twitching for his phone to take notes was proof enough of that.

“That’s awkward,” MJ said. “So did y’all do like, collective counselling for the past life shit?”

Luke deflated and moaned into his hands.

“It’s not past life shit if your damn name is the same,” he said. “It’s complicated.”

It sounded like it.

Imagine growing up with your apparently-Star War-obsessed father and uncle who’d built a home and a business (presumably) around that shit, only to find out later that they’d done it because it was literally their religion.

What a trip.

“When did you find out?” Peter asked gently.

“Oh, you know. Last week,” Luke said with a bitter grin. “Quit my fulltime job. Dumped my ex. Broke my lease and now here I am. Once again. Back at this place.”

“Do you want a hug?” Ned asked into the awkward silence.

“You’re very sweet,” Luke said. “If I touch another human, I will start crying and never stop.”

Yikes.

Barely holdin’ on by a thread there, buddy? How’s the hyperawareness going?

“Why does it matter, is my question. For you, I mean,” Luke said with a suspicious squint. “You fought a goblin guy, didn’t you? With a hover board?”

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh, yeah.

Yeah, Peter sure had done that.

“And like, the bird dude? Didn’t you down a plane?”

Perhaps.

But Luke had blown up the Deathstar, no?

“These things are not equivalent,” Luke said flatly. “I joined a rebel alliance. There were loads of us.”

Mmm. Perhaps so.

“God, how old are you even? You look 22.”

Peter gawked.

“I’m 27,” he said.

Luke did a double-take.

“That’s a lie,” he accused. “Tell the truth or be compelled.”

“By the Force?” Ned asked hopefully.

Luke blinked at him. He pointed at the glass sliding door which revealed Obi-Wan holding Junior the cat above his head by the kitchen sink.

“The Force,” he said.

Ned’s face fell.

“Do we not have the Force, here?” he asked.

Luke flinched.

“Listen,” he said abruptly, “We’re workin’ on it. This isn’t our original galaxy. The rules are all different. The only one who’s managed to make even a spark happen is Obi-Wan so far, but as soon as we find Master Yoda, it’s over. We’ll already have won.”

“You lost Yoda,” MJ mused.

Luke stammered and caught himself.

“We lost a lot of people,” he snapped. “It happens when you shift galaxies. Anyways, that’s what the stone is for.”

MJ glanced back at the stone and then leaned her forearms onto the small table.

“So, let me get this straight,” she said. “You jedi folks all popped up over here by some cosmic accident. You don’t have the Force. Most of you don’t even remember who you are. You lost your most experienced Master, and you’re going to fight the Sith?”

Peter stirred his coffee nervously.

Luke’s eye twitched.

“We don’t need the others,” he said. “We only need the Force. To fight the Sith. Yes.”

MJ frowned deep and held her chin with both hands.

“So you need the thing you for sure don’t have the most,” she said.

Luke opened his mouth, but not before the window by the door snapped open and Obi-Wan leaned out to say, “We always have the Force.”

Luke covered his face in despair.

“I was listening from the kitchen window,” Obi-Wan told him lovingly.

“GO FIND CODY ALREADY,” Luke roared at him.

“I did, he’s right here,” Obi-Wan said soothingly, stroking his angry cat.

“The other Cody.”

“Oh, I am trying, don’t you worry.”

“Ben, so help me God—”

“Force.”

“SO HELP ME FORCE—”

Star Wars had really left out the part about Luke’s explosive temper. Peter winced, but Ned laughed and the sound seemed to have a calming effect on Jedi-on-Jedi crime about to take place in the kitchen. Obi-Wan appeared pleased with this development and emboldened. He wove past Luke out onto the desk and came over, cat and all, to point down to the seeing stone in the middle of the garden.

“Others who feel the Force’s energy will be drawn to it,” he told Ned fondly. “It’s how we got Luke back home.”

“It’s not,” Luke said. “You called me.”

“And so others will also come,” Obi-Wan said with confidence. “The most important thing is that we believe in the Force. And from that, we will find guidance and power and—”

“He means Yoda,” Luke translated. “He’s been putting frogs on it as an offering, even though me, Ahsoka, and Anakin told him that this is a human’s world. A human’s world, Ben. Even if he did eat them, he’s not eating them raw.”

“Don’t be discouraged by Luke’s attitude, he is very stressed,” Obi-Wan told Ned and Ned only affectionately. “I told him not to be, you see there are four of us here already, and the Chosen One is among us.”

“Anakin told you to stop calling him that,” Luke moaned, massaging his temples.

“He was the first to be aware of our present situation,” Obi-Wan said.

“He took a hallucinogen and had a paranoid breakdown,” Luke pleaded. “Ben, please. Go inside. Think of your blood pressure.”

“Perhaps, but it was a useful breakdown, was it not?”

“I am so sorry for him, he’s getting senile,” Luke said to the rest of them.

“Your energy is different,” Obi-Wan informed Peter out of absolutely nowhere. “Are you also Force-sensitive? Were you drawn to the stone?”

Er.

No.

Sorry?

“He’s Spiderman,” Luke said, gesturing pointedly. “Remember Spiderman?”

Obi-Wan did not. Peter suspected, actually, that Obi-Wan still used phonebooks, if he used phones at all, that was.

Luke took a deep breath and let it out.

“Okay, let me just lay it out,” he said. “We’re doing the best we can with what we have. You don’t have to get involved with this. We appreciate your help, but what would help us even more is if you stay out of it, alright?”

Yeah, okay. Sure. Peter could respect that.

“Amazing. And don’t tell other people.”

Understood.

“Unless they’re Force-sensitive,” Obi-Wan said. “In which case, ask them how they feel about rocks.”

Luke just stared at him coldly this time.

“You didn’t used to be like this,” he said dangerously.

“No, I used to be stressed,” Obi-Wan told him. “But you and Ani are doing that for me, so I have resolved to be a free spirit. Nice to meet all of you. Have more coffee. I don’t like this one; I will have it out of the house by sundown.”

He left, and possibly for good this time. No one knew what to say in his absence.

“So,” Peter tried, desperate for something to break up the tension. “You said a few days ago that you were looking for someone?”

Luke finally stopped making growling faces towards the sliding door. He lit up like a bulb.

“I am, actually,” he said.

Luke was looking for a very particular person named ‘Din.’ He described him as ‘six feet tall and covered in armor.’ He asked if they knew of such a person.

Peter had to shove a hand against his mouth in case he made an unwanted connection between this description and Obi-Wan behavior.

“Haven’t,” MJ said. “Who is he?”

“My husband,” Luke said.

Ned choked.

Peter choked.

MJ tilted her head.

“You have a husband?” she asked. “I would have remembered a husband in that series.”

Luke leaned his chin on his palm and gazed sideways over the city. He seemed to sigh.

“I don’t know why he isn’t connected to me in the media created here,” he said. “It’s probably because he’s always been very shy.”

Oh, aw. Peter loved that. The contrast between them was heart-warming.

“We had a son together,” Luke said. “His child. He brought him to me. One of my students, at first.”

Hang on a minute here.

Peter exchanged a glance with Ned. Ned tried very hard to pick a way to approach this sensitively. He landed on asking, “What was his name again?”

“Din,” Luke said. “Din Djarin.”

Ned cringed.

“He was a Mandalorian,” Luke explained. “Very, very, very shy. Like, he would rather chew off his own leg than make small talk with a stranger. I think, before I knew all this, I was still subconsciously looking for him. All my exes are the same type.”

That—

Okay, so like.

Did these people own a TV?

“Do we look like we own a TV?” Luke deadpanned. “No. If Ben senses anything bigger than a datapad happening in this place, he’s driven to madness and breaks it.”

UH?

“He doesn’t actually break it,” Luke sighed. “He just finds a way to make it unusable—putting clothes on it, disconnecting the monitor, that kind of thing. He thinks they waste electricity.”

What a guy. Peter wanted to put him and May in a room and see what conspiracies they could spin together.

“Why do you ask?” Luke asked.

Ned cleared his throat.

“Do you have a, uh, datapad, then?” he asked.

“DIN. That’s DIN. He’s got his own show. Oh my god, that’s—stay right there. Don’t move.”

Bless this man. Peter wanted to hug him so bad. They’d lost him to the staircase leading up from the second floor to the attic. Peter wondered who he was showing the tablet to.

Maybe Obi-Wan?

“I told you this already,” a voice up there said.

“LOOK AT HIM.”

“You’re killin’ me, smalls. We had this exact conversation last week. Did you forget?”

“You knew where he was.”

“Alright, alright. Downward march.”

Anakin fucking Skywalker came down the stairs with a handful of Luke’s shirt in one hand and the tablet shoved under his other arm. He paused and frowned at the three of them in the kitchen frozen in shock, and then apparently decided that that didn’t matter. He carried on dragging Luke with him towards the kitchen counter. He dropped the tablet onto it and Peter realized that the lower half of his sleeve on that side was empty.

He watched as the guy let go of Luke and chased the not-angry cat off the counter, cursing.

“Alright, this?” he said, tapping on the tablet. “Is the link I put here.” He rapped the same finger on what Peter now saw was a whiteboard covered in rows upon rows of symbols that he’d never seen before.

“Din here? Din here. You see?” Vader told Luke with untold patience.

“I can’t read that,” Luke moaned. “You lied to me.”

“It’s up in the kitchen, Luke.”

“You’re a liar and a cad. Do it in Basic.”

“This is Basic.”

Oh, dear. All that fanfic about Luke meeting Darth Vader and having a breakdown was looking real embarrassed now, wasn’t it?

“If it’s Basic, why can’t I read it?” Luke demanded.

“Because, like I told you last night, the night before, and the night before that,” Vader said painstakingly, “It doesn’t all come back at once. It’s going to take time.”

“We don’t have time,” Luke snapped.

Vader leaned his head back with half-lidded eyes. Luke didn’t look even remotely like his kid, even with him looking all pre-quels-like now.

“We talked about this, too, remember?” Vader asked.

Obviously not. Luke was distressed. He had eyes only for the tablet now.

“No, of course not, silly me,” Vader said. “Why are humans here?”

“Ahsoka went home,” Luke said.

“Thank you, that was not my question.”

“What was your question?”

“Why are non-order humans here?”

“I told you, Ahsoka went—”

“Son, I will kill you if you continue to act like Obi-Wan,” Vader said without missing a beat.

“You can try,” Luke said offhandedly. “But only one of us has two handed grip.”

There was a long stare.

“It’s Obi-Wan,” Vader told him. “Why do we have living guests?”

He gestured back to Peter, Ned, and MJ like they were flies on a set of blinds.

“Oh, because that’s Spiderman and he stole your kyber crystals,” Luke said.

Vader rounded on Peter, and Peter actually felt fear.

Vader blinked once.

“This may as well happen,” he decided somehow placidly. “I’m going back upstairs. Where did your grand-master go?”

“Into the mist,” Luke said. “Can you feel Din?”

“Negative, ghostrider.”

“When the Force chooses you first out of favoritism, can you feel for Din?”

“Ah yes, can I feel for your Force-repellant life partner with all of the Force energy that I do not have? Yes, I sure can.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Anytime, primary monstrosity of my loins.”

UM?

This felt a little hostile for Peter’s tastes. Not that it wasn’t earned. Clearly it was earned. It was just horrifying.

“Guests, you are dismissed,” Vader said in their direction. “Unless you’re drawn to the rock outside, in which case, you may stay. Otherwise, do not darken this doorstep again, or else we will leave you with the other dead in the morgue.”

“Thanks for bringing the crystals,” Luke said from behind him. “And for talking. I do feel better, actually.”

They left the funeral home. Obi-Wan was outside by the mailbox as though waiting for them. Peter wasn’t sure he had any emotional energy left to approach him with.

“Thank you for speaking to Luke,” he said as the three of them attempted to pass unnoticed. “It’s good for him to talk to others his own age.”

Uh-huh. Good night, sir?

“Good night, Peter, Ned, and Michelle.”

They hadn’t given their names.

They definitely hadn’t given their names.

Ned wasn’t sleeping for two years. He made this clear with a lot of clapping gestures and then rolled around on the floor, talking about all kinds of shit that Peter couldn’t decipher. MJ watched him and flicked her eyes up to Peter with concern on her forehead.

“That family is cinematically dysfunctional,” she said.

Correct.

“They’re barely their own characters.”

Correct.

“What now?”

Peter wasn’t sure. The best he could think of was to just keep an eye on the situation. Maybe check in every couple of weeks?

“If you say so,” MJ said. “I think you made Ned’s life, by the way. Good job.”

Peter tried checking in every two weeks. It started because he happened to hear of a tunnel collapsing in Queens nearby the funeral home. He texted Luke to ask if he needed a save and all he got back was a ‘well, not anymore.’

After that, Peter kept a close eye on happenstances occurring around the city. There were more than he bargained for. And when he glanced at Luke’s Instagram after the first week after the tunnel collapse, he noted that two of the nails on the hand Luke held his coffee to the camera with had gone completely black.

That was worrying.

Peter was used to be the danger-prone asshole in his friendgroup. He did not like this role-reversal. MJ asked him sarcastically what the problem was.

He texted Luke again.

PP: how many nails do you have left bro?

LS: we put a hole in one to release the pressure

PP: that don’t sound great bro.

LS: it’s fine. Oh, but good news

PP: oh?

LS: the most predictable thing ever has happened. The Vader has regained force power

PP: that’s worrying

LS: ? why?

PP: won’t he go dark?

LS: ah, no. He fucked up and raised me and Leia with Ben this time after our mom died. He had his chance to go dark and traded it for 8 consecutive hours of sleep instead.

PP: I truly don’t know what to say

LS: It’s fine we did 12 years of family therapy after the accident so we are no longer on the DSS watchlist

PP: I know less what to say

LS: he won’t find din :/

PP: is that your priority right now?

LS: aren’t you supposed to be spiderman or something? Don’t you have chaotic things to say?

PP: you know normally I do, this is literally out of character for me. but I think you also might be absorbing my chaos.

LS: that’s fair. I have that effect on people. Hey, is your buddy Ned available to chat? He knows more than I can remember about my old life. Can I borrow him?

That sounded like a horrendous decision.

PP: yeah let me get you his number.

LS: thanksssss

Ned reported a few days later that his services were needed at the funeral home. He was leaving them all now to befriend Luke Skywalker as was his true destiny.

He came back a few hours later and reported that his services had been helpful and he was pleased to say that Darth Vader was now the official herder of ‘wans’ in the house. This included all Obi-Wans and padawans.

He seemed to be the only guy there who could like, retain information given to him for some reason. He accepted this as his lot in life and went around repeating the same things to the others ad nauseum until they finally stuck for them.

Peter wondered if that was his personal hell.

Ned didn’t think so. He thought the guy was pretty chill about it and had probably been doing it for a while now. He did it more for Ahsoka Tano and Luke than he did for Obi-Wan. Although that was probably because Obi-Wan appeared to be on a hunt that made all non-relevant information given to him slip off his back like water.

Another two weeks. Another text.

PP: hey luke, I saw you drowning on the news. You okay?

LS: GOD my ex-workplace keeps calling welfare checks on our house. We’ve had more cops here then flies these last few days.

PP: ex-workplace is one way to refer to your old job. Sounds like they cared about you. What did you do?

LS: preschool teacher.

Peter was going to lose his shit right here on this bed.

PP: was that your calling?

LS: that was Luke Naberry’s calling. Luke Skywalker’s calling is to make the lightsaber go vrrrrrrm

PP: you honestly terrify me

LS: thanks han says the same thing. OH. HE FOUND CHEWIE.

PP: no shit??

LS: yeah I told Ned, not you. But yeah. He found him lugging boxes for a bodega. And now they both work at the same bodega. Which like, objectively, is a bad thing because Han was a UN translator.

PP: I’m

PP: sorry

PP: what?

LS: I know he was all respectable and shit. It was awful. I can look at him again without feeling like I’ve failed in every part of my life.

PP: dare I ask what your sister does?

LS: lawyer

PP: not senator?

LS: we’re not old enough to be senators.

PP: every moment becomes more concerning than the next. You fascinate me. This is why they put you in like, all the films.

LS: because I’m sexy yeah

PP: that too

LS: not to you. I’m off-limits bub. I’m married.

PP: how’s that going for you?

LS: Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

PP: I see. So no Din yet?

LS: I will find him if it kills me

PP: that’s so romantic. Hey you should watch that series. They gave him a little green yoda in it. Really cute.

LS: that’s my son you piece of shit

There was no winning here.

MJ asked him a few weeks later if he was still keeping up with the Jedi drama since the whole city had recently decided that Peter was a snack.

Obviously he hadn’t.

She told him not to worry, Ned had. She told him to talk to Ned, so he went and talked to Ned with a heatpad in one hand and a coldpack in the other.

Ned patted at him sympathetically and informed him that Luke had reunited with the Force. It was going poorly for him, mostly because the Force wasn’t used to people being in touch with it in these parts of the universe. It kept telling each of the jedi that there was a disturbance and then luring them to each other to fight to the death.

Luke described it as the Force-equivalent of an auto-immune disease.

They’d taken to gathering in the living room of the funeral home to meditate in a circle, as though to calm the Force’s anxiety while scenting each other for protection.

It had a 40% success rate. Everyone was sleeping in locked rooms for the time being, just in case someone got compelled to do something rash.

Peter asked Ned if he’d finally lost his crown as King Chaos of NYC.

Ned patted him on the knee more firmly than before and said that he could regain his crown by introducing a calming element into the jedi household.

Peter had his pride to defend, so he asked what that element ought to be.

Din Djarin, the Mandalorian, the leader of all Mandalorians, was bound to have a name that looked nothing like the one they had for him. Luke nearly exploded when Peter approached him to asked him (and his taped fingers) more about who Din Djarin was outside the name.

They proceeded with caution, however. So far, Peter and Ned had discovered only dissonance between Luke’s account of his life partner (his ‘heart, stars, sun, and sand’) and the guy on the screen for the tv show. That was to be expected, given that they had met Luke now and learned of his somewhat explosive personality.

But even still, Luke’s description of Din Djarin as ‘kind, compassionate, tender, shy, emotionally stable, dependable, sweet, caring, and hunky’ seemed slightly biased.

Peter just wanted to know how tall this guy was. Hair color. Eye color. Skin color. Blood type. That kind of shit.

Luke said that Din had brown hair, brown eyes, Type Who Knows What blood, and was about six feet tall. He had no idea how much he weighed. He’d never had need for that information. He knew that Din was human, which was probably helpful in a galaxy far, far away. He knew that he spoke Mando’a as his first language, then Basic, then a whopping fifteen others. And he knew that Din was probably looking after their son.

Vader asked Peter over a mug of coffee (also labeled in the funeral home’s cabinet as ‘not spice.’) if Spidersenses could overcome a dearth of information. It took Peter a few moments to realize that he was sympathizing with him.

“You’re not going to find Din,” Vader told Luke. “You need to look for the kid. You’ll find the kid first, you always have.”

Luke took his coffee and poured it down the drain.

Peter decided that he didn’t want to get in between that burgeoning battle. He told Luke to text him if he remembered anything else.

Wade was pissed that Peter had been meeting and ‘cavorting’ with Luke Skywalker without him. He claimed ownership of the Din Djarin mystery in order to cram himself into Luke’s good graces. But quickly, he ran into the same stumbling blocks as Peter.

Din Djarin was six feet tall with brown eyes and brown hair.

That was what they currently had to go on.

Wade would have torn out his hair if he had any, but he stopped himself and accepted the challenge. Peter watched over his shoulder as he chicken-pecked his way into a list of social security numbers held by the NYC State ID issuing department and started methodically filtering names that did not sound like ‘Din.’

He started broad with all ‘D’s and then narrowed it down further and further and further until he was left with a shitload of Daniels.

He stared at the screen before him and vibrated.

Peter massaged his shoulders before he cracked.

It helped. Wade started filtering by height, then by eye color. Then by hair, and only ended up with several hundred people.

He vibrated again, but this time, Peter couldn’t help him.

He sighed. Wade said that there had to be a better way to do this. He got up.

Wade made about four thousand missing posters with the name Din Djarin on them which he recruited the whole team to plaster up around NYC. This was not a request.

Miles asked him why they were doing this for a tv character and had to be let in on the gig.

He lost his shit.

Louis tried to retain his shit.

Angel still didn’t know how the whole jedi thing worked.

Dave hummed and haw’ed and took his time in calling bullshit. Wade asked him to look deep into his eyes and ask if he was entertaining bullshit that fine evening.

Dave changed his opinion and took a stack.

There was no way that shit was supposed to work. There was just no way. A) because Wade had the worst ideas of all mankind and B) because Peter had the worst luck of all mankind. So the two of them together should have destroyed all the prospects of success for that job.

But instead, while they were hatching a new plot involving setting up a sham sociological study for people who responded to Star Wars names, Wade’s phone went off.

He grabbed it and opened the message and lo and behold right there was a note that read,

“I hope you are not a reporting body because this is going to sound certifiably insane, but I think I might be the guy you’re looking for?”

Wade screamed.

Peter scolded him not to get too excited too soon. They had to see the man first.

Wade texted furiously, asking for a picture and got a message back that said, “please do not dox me.”

They got no answer until Wade promised not to dox the guy.

And then they got an image of a man with brown hair and brown eyes with olive skin. His face was remarkably square. The picture wasn’t just him, though, he had in his arms a little boy with a head covered in tight ringlets. His eyes were so dark they were nearly black and he was maybe two years old.

The caption said, “apologies, my son needed to be in the picture.”

Wade cooed and entered Dad Mode to ask how old the baby was and what he liked to do and Peter lost the fathers to that small talk for a while before Wade oh-so-casually asked, “So you feel like you’re from outer space?”

“It sounds strange,” the guy on the other said wrote back, “But I do. Like every day I wake up and look in the mirror and something is wrong. I feel like I’m always forgetting something when I leave the house. I watched the tv show of the guy who’s name was on your fliers and the kid in it reminds me so much of my son. It’s eerie. They make the same sounds. He made the same sounds before we even watched that show.”

Wade whistled.

“I think this is him, Pete,” he said. “He called Baby Yoda a ‘kid’ not a yoda.”

Peter stared. He hadn’t even caught that. That was smart as hell.

“So what now?” he asked.

Wade sniffed.

“Get Skywalker to send you a selfie,” he said.

PP: Luke are you pretty right now?

LS: My face is intact

PP: take a selfie and send it to me

LS: cannot do that. Face is intact is a baseline situation. Let me find an old one. Oh, they all have my ex in them. This is awkward.

PP: it doesn’t matter I can crop it.

LS: no I have to be cute or I’ll perish hold on

PP: are you sure you’re not Johnny Storm?

LS: yes, he’s got loads of muscles. Sent.

Selfie acquired.

Luke looked very smiley in it. His eyes were blown out from the lighting, but it showed his sloping smile and his low, back-set dimples. Peter sent it to Wade. Wade sent it to his new friend.

They waited.

They waited five minutes.

Then ten.

Then half an hour.

Then nearly two.

And finally, Wade’s phone rang. He picked it up and set it on speaker so that Peter could hear.

“Hello?” Wade said.

There was a long pause.

“Where did you get that picture?” a low, almost smoky voice demanded on the other side.

“A friend,” Wade said sleazily. “You know him? He’s a cute little thing, ain’t he?”

It took the dude on the other side of the line worryingly long to respond.

“What do you want?” he finally asked.

Wade brought his head down in interest.

“What’re you willing do to?” he asked.

They waited. Peter didn’t know what was taking this guy so long to—

“Anything.”

Ah.

Okay. That.

That sounded about right.

Wade cackled.

“You know his name?” he asked.

“I do,” the man said.

“What’s his name then, pal?” Wade asked.

“It’s none of your fucking business.”

Holy shit. Holy shit. Peter clutched the back of the couch. Wade was grinning so hard, Peter could see it through his mask.

“You want him, you need to show me that you know who he is,” Wade said. “I ain’t got ‘im here, but I know where he is. Come on, big boy. Who is he?”

Peter could hear the man take in a deep, shaky breath.

“His name is Luke,” Din fucking Djarin, the Mandalorian himself, said.

Din fucking Djarin’s name at the moment was Danny Jabaran. He stood six feet tall with a medium build and that baby of his in his arms.

He was not afraid of Wade.

He was not afraid of Peter.

The suits didn’t scare him; this man was a space warrior. The leader of the space warriors. Peter was humbled to stand in his presence, old jeans and tattoos and all.

“Vigilantes,” he acknowledged.

“Deadpool,” Wade said, offering a hand. “And this is?”

“Grogu,” Djarin said.

Baby Yoda lifted his big liquid eyes up to Wade and blinked twice. Then he wriggled around and hid in Djarin’s neck. Djarin put a hand on his back and didn’t drop eye contact.

“Tell me everything,” Djarin said.

Ned screamed. Michelle screamed. Peter reminded them that he had neighbors and invited Mr. Mand’alor to sit on the couch for a bit while he called Luke.

Michelle claimed the spot next to Djarin and asked Baby Yoda Grogu for his little hand. He studied her and hid again, making a prolonged sound of distress that Djarin cut off by saying, “Hey. Manners.”

This somehow made baby Grogu turn back to Michelle to stare at her offered hand.

He took it. She shook with him and then took hers away.

Grogu perked up and reached for it again.

“You’re the Mandalorian,” Ned said.

Djarin looked right at him.

“A Mandalorian,” he corrected.

Ned blinked back tears.

“You’re so cool,” he creaked.

Djarin frowned.

“You...are too?” he tried.

Ned wept into a fist.

Peter left them to call Luke in his bedroom. Luke picked up on the third ring with the start of an ingrained greeting that sounded a whole lot like a customer service recording. He caught himself, though.

“I have someone I’d like you to talk to,” Peter said. “I think you might want to sit down.”

Luke’s unusual quiet on the other side made Peter grin.

“Are you sitting?” he asked.

“I’m sitting.”

“Alright, one moment,” Peter said, walking out into the living room. Djarin had edged far, far away from Ned, as far as he possibly could without being rude. He looked up when Peter came over and sat down on the arm next to him.

“Say hi,” Peter said.

Djarin frowned at him and then the phone.

“Who’s that?” he asked.

Peter waited. Djarin lifted his head over to see the phone’s screen.

“Hello?” he tried.

“Din?”

The Spidey Sense crashed through Peter like a tidal wave.

Djarin had gone completely still.

“Din? Is that you? Can you hear me?”

“Shit,” Djarin said, lifting a hand to cover his eyes. “Goddamnit. Jesus.”

“DIN.”

“Dank Fucking Farrik.”

“Oh my god.”

Baby Grogu’s face snapped toward the phone with huge eyes. He grabbed at Djarin’s collar, then his jaw and started bouncing a little in his arms.

“Bu?” he asked.

Djarin couldn’t make himself move.

“Grogu?” Luke asked. “Hey, baby, is that you, bubba?”

Grogu grabbed Djarin’s face urgently, so that he couldn’t hide his raw eyes anymore.

He pointed at the phone.

“Yeah, I hear ‘im, kid,” Djarin said.

“MMMMM. Gib.”

“Ah. That’s not ours. We don’t grab. We ask,” Djarin reminded as Grogu pleaded for the phone. Peter snickered and gave it to him. He just held it, staring.

“Do you wanna see him?” Peter asked. “Luke, can we maybe video chat?”

“Y-yeah,” Luke said. “Hold on. Oh god, my face. Uh, hey Din are you still near-sighted, hon?”

Djarin huffed a laugh that turned into a whole-body tremor.

“I got contacts,” he said a little hysterically.

“You got WHAT?” Luke yipped, “Okay, no. No, I gotta. Be still, this heart. Okay let me just take off the butterflies. On moment, Grogu, Daddy’s just gotta dunk his face in the damn sink.”

MJ bounced her eyebrows at Peter as he gently took the phone back from Grogu and tapped on the camera. He offered it back the kid and received a deep gaze of wonder in return. Djarin turned the screen right-side up in his hands.

Luke finally turned his camera on and revealed himself to be very swollen in the jaw with damp hair and a cut very close to the rim of his left eye.

Grogu screeched.

Luke laughed.

“Look at you,” he said, “I’m gonna cry. Oh my god. Where’re your ears, pal?”

Grogu analyzed this reaction for 2 full seconds and then shoved the camera right into his dad’s forehead. Djarin took it from him and liberated himself so that he could see Luke who was clutching at his face, absolutely already sobbing, bless him.

He looked up to see Grogu and instead got Djarin and finally just broke right in half.

Peter swallowed back the growing lump in his throat. His eyes were starting to warm a little.

Djarin found a watery smile in himself.

“I know you’re not cryin’ because of me,” he said gently.

“Where’s your helmet?” Luke sobbed, wiping viciously at his eyes. “People are watching, you harlot.”

“I know,” Djarin said. “I lost it.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Luke.”

“This is all my fault. I should’ve—I should’ve—”

“Luke,” Djarin said again, full of warmth, “You died for us.”

Luke shook harder than ever.

“There is no greater sacrifice a warrior can make,” Djarin told him. “I was honored for you to have made it for me and our son. This has always been the Way.”

“This is the Way,” Luke stammered.

“I missed you,” Djarin said. “Where in God’s name have you been?”

“I was a preschool teacher in the Bronx, man, I dunno what happened,” Luke said tipping his face up to force the tears back in.

“In the Bronx? Where?”

“Uh, off Allerton and Lurting?”

Djarin started shaking with laugher.

“I work off Laconia and Mace,” he said.

“You what?”

“We’ve been blocks apart this whole time.”

Awwwwww.

“I’m going to stab myself,” Luke moaned. “I’m going to stab myself in the arm. I was right there and I sold out for my part-time gig barely weeks ago. Oh my god. I’m going to—move, old man, I’m suffering—Wait. Din, did you find your parents?”

Djarin stood up and held the phone out straight.

“Where are you right now?” he asked.

Look at all these people hugging each other.

Look at them crying all over. There was a baby in there, wailing because he was so happy to be back in the arms of his other dad.

Aww. AWWWW. Peter was getting emotional again, he was going to see himself out.

“Wait. Peter.”

He looked up to find Luke holding a hand to him.

“Thank you,” he said. “You really are a superhero, you know that?”

Yeah.

Sometimes, he did.

The city had plenty of problems as it was, yeah, more now with a bunch of jedi running around, linking up with each other and spreading memory like mushroom spores. But it didn’t feel that much different.

What it felt like now was Ned showing Grogu how to hold his hand at the seeing stone in the funeral home’s back yard to make the Force happen while Obi-Wan reported cheerfully that the cat perched on it was still not levitating.

It also felt like watching Luke freak out over text to Ned and Michelle about his ex losing their mind at him dumping them after two years to marry this random mechanic within a week of getting together.

Peter got to see this from new angles, too, one of which was the bottom of the funeral home’s attic stairs, which Anakin Skywalker liked to sit on while his grandkids—both Grogu and Han Solo and Leia Organa (pardon, Leia Naberry)’s son—came over to show him things that he was very well aware of. These were stolen from him by Auntie Ahsoka and her friends who Ned knew and Peter did not.

And there was something warming about how even these folks—people from a galaxy far, far away, occasionally needed a Spiderman.

#spiderman #starwars #dinluke #inimitable verse #ficlet #this is the niche of the niche but I know like 5 of you read both my mando and spiderman fics #so this is for you doll #and also the fact that I have a fucking PROBLEM

142 notes · View notes