#objectifying one (1) fictional guy

[blueish-bird]

I read all of Part 1 after it was already released, but reading Chainsaw Man Part 2 as each chapter is being published is a new and at times difficult experience. Like, sorry, I forgot what happened again. It’s been two weeks and I keep getting distracted by Barem’s tits.

#objectifying one (1) fictional guy #sir your pecs are impeccable and your emotional state is incredibly fucked up #I want to study him #the feelings I have towards him are hard to explain. i think… I don’t like him I just like looking at him. that describes it well. #I feel no fealty towards him — he’s a Ken Doll to me #allowing myself one barem post. as a treat. #csm 151 #this time on ‘everyone loves Makima’ #and what love is. and what love isn’t. #love as control #love as rejection of change love as superimposing your reality and ‘truth’ over someone’s existence #Makima rejecting Denji as being unworthy/unfit to be Chainsaw Man 🤝 Barem disregarding Nayuta for his memory of Makima #like. haha. Fujimoto I’m trying to escape my reality what’s this doing here? #thinking about the dead wife post again. now that I’ve read this weeks chapter I can reblog the dead wife post. #csm #my csm thoughts #csm part 2 #csm barem #meposting #anyways #objectification #csm spoilers

[imabeautifulbutterfly]

The Gym Membership - Part 36 (Crosshair)

Summary: Layla spends time with the girls; while the guys continue their axe throwing.

A/N: Hello Lovelies,

It took me a little long to edit this part, simply because I got caught up watching a movie. LOL. I know shameful.

Anyhew, enjoy.

Love oo

Warnings: Liquor, intoxication (please enjoy responsibly and do not drink and handle weaponry of any kind. These are fictional characters, if they hurt someone, I can just backspace. There's no backspace in real life), axe throwing discussions, drinking, innuendo, discussions of objectifying male bodies (the girls discussing their husbands/boyfriends), discussions of feelings, feelings of guilt. I think that's it, if I miss any warnings, please let me know.

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Rob spun the axe in his hand, before throwing it at the target. This was his and Crosshair’s tenth match; and right now the score was 9:1, mainly because Crosshair felt the guy should’ve at least won one. 

With each loss, Rob was getting more and more agitated while Crosshair kept taunting him, it was childish. Honestly, I was shocked to see these two acting like a couple of children. After a while, I walked over to the girls who were sitting at one of the tables drinking beer, eating some fries and nachos.

I sat beside Mel, popping in one of the fries from the table. I ordered a drink from the waitress, as I glanced around the table, enjoying the fact that everyone here was here for only one reason, to celebrate Avery’s accomplishments. 

“Having fun Layla?” Mel asked as she took a sip of some proper beer, now that she was no longer breastfeeding Violet and Iris was comfortable enough to be with a babysitter that wasn’t family, not to mention it’d been a while since she and Wrecker had a night out. She was trying her best  not to get too drunk, but watching Wrecker’s muscles flex, as he tossed the axe against the target, was making it very difficult not to just let her inhibitions go completely reckless. 

“I was until those two started acting like fools.” I motioned over my shoulder, to the two just in their own world. “Regardless, I’m glad everyone’s here for Avery.”

Mel reached over and rubbed Layla’s back, stroking her hair, “Of course, sweetie. We’ll always turn up for you and for Avery.”

“You know …” Zai motioned her hand, swaying it a little, she was a tiny bit tipsy. “When you get two men interested in the same woman, you’re going to have childish rivalry” she smirked as she popped a fry into her mouth, followed by another shot of tequila. “Am I wrong, ladies?” She directed the question to Mel, Sofie, and Layla; the three simply nodded as they each took a sip of their beer.

“I’m sure you’re wrong. Crosshair has disliked me for a long time, and I’ve certainly given him enough reasons to hate me. I mean we are just now on speaking terms, and … okay, yes things have gotten better. We are talking and texting more, but … that doesn’t necessarily mean … you know … I mean he was married to my sister. You’re way off base.” I clarified, waving my hand aside as I drank down my whiskey in one gulp, too nervous and too mortified my feelings may have seeped through. I motioned to the waitress ordering a refill, I needed another one to calm down my racing heart, the last thing I needed was for them to misunderstand our relationship. Plus, she was clearly drunk, and not thinking clearly. 

“Hmmm. Well, if you’re so sure, then can you explain why he keeps glancing over here to see if you’re paying attention?” Sofie teased as she took a sip of her drink. 

I glanced over my shoulder to see Crosshair’s eyes focused on his target, even from where I sat, I could tell they were penetrating and fully engrossed in his task. His muscles flexed under his shirt as he moved his arms, his biceps bulging from the slight movement. His jaw shifting ever so slightly as he chewed his toothpick, swishing it from one side to the other as he grinned a self-satisfying smirk at Rob. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t pull my eyes away, as I took note of how his long fingers gripped the handle of the axe, how his forefinger and middle finger straightened completely as he released the axe from his hand, and slowly curled into his palm. 

“Seems like something caught your eye, or maybe someone?” Mel chuckled, wiggling her eyebrows, her lips pulling into the warmest and most comforting smile I’d seen in a long time. I don’t know how to explain it, but she felt like family to me already. “Hey, I don’t blame you, Crosshair is a very attractive man, with a heart of gold. However, not that I’m disparaging against Cross, but have you seen my man, Wrecker’s arms?” She turned and was not ashamed to be ogling her husband, as she pointed out her favourite parts, “I mean look at how my man’s arms ripple with every movement. Look at that back, ”

“Easy Mel, don’t want to see you drool.” 

“Shut up, Zai. Like you’re not watching Hunter with eagle eyes, and admiring his own form.” Mel laughed as she glanced over to Zai, her cheeks and ears turning a deep pink, while Zai’s smiling pout and blush adorned her own features.

“I didn’t say I wasn’t. Just saying no one needs to see you drool. Plus,” Zai turned her head to admire her own man, “look how his hair falls perfectly every time he shifts, the way his stance brings out his thick thighs, and his tapered waist …” She couldn’t help chewing her thumbnail as she eyed Hunter up and down. 

“I think Mel’s not the only one who needs a napkin” Sofie giggled as she handed a napkin to each of the girls.

“Well, I’m sure you’re keeping your eye on Echo too, right?” I teased, enjoying how friendly they were amongst themselves. It was enjoyable to find women that didn’t judge me, didn’t make me feel less than I should’ve simply because I was pretty, or because I wasn’t like other women who enjoyed gossiping or trying to meddle.

“Of course, look at the way he moves …” Sofie’s eyes focused fully on Echo, as they shone with pure joy, “He moves with purpose, elegance, and determination; and not just when he’s standing there throwing an axe; when he’s dancing he’s the most graceful dancer I’ve ever seen.” 

“Are we talking vertical or horizontal dancing?” Zai teased, laughing as she took another swig of her beer. 

Sofie hid her face behind her glass, laughing, as Mel and Zai continued to tease her nonstop about Echo, as my eyes fell back over to Crosshair, watching as he and Rob had fallen into  some sort of heated debate. 

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@justanothersadperson93​ @liadamerondjarin​ @badbatch-simp24​ @spicymcnuggies​ @lady-ren​ @firstofficerwiggles​ @darkangel4121​ @discofern​ @kavecika​ @monako-jinn-stories​ @ladykatakuri​ @avathebestx​ @theroguesully​ @furyhellfire66​ @carodealmeida​ @ciramaris​ @sprout-fics​ @twinkofthedink​ @dindjarin-mandalorian​ @clonethirstingisreal @crosshair-is-the-superior-clone @totallyunidentified @griffedeloup @leotatombs @leotawrites

#the gym membership #gym membership #Gym Au #the bad batch hunter #the bad batch x reader #the bad batch echo #the bad batch #the bad batch crosshair #bad batch crosshair #crosshair x reader #clone trooper crosshair #crosshair #tbb crosshair #star wars echo #clone trooper echo #echo #bad batch tech #arc trooper echo #tbb echo #tech the bad batch #the bad batch tech #tech #the bad batch wrecker #bad batch wrecker #clone trooper wrecker #wrecker #tbb wrecker #bounty hunter #tbb hunter #hunter

[la-pheacienne]

Lol if it was ShOckING then how can it be expected and something "we shouldnt feel surprised by"? Even with shocking character moments in got they were still expected and made sense for them. Events like the jaime attacking ned or cersie putting joff on the throne never left an audience confused after and go on the internet to try scramble an excuse for them because we understood who these characters were and what matters to them as they played on screen. No one was actually thinking that daemon would still be hung up over being replaced as viserys' heir 20yrs later and be so angry as to hurt rhaenyra his brothers daughter and wife over it. Like if the writers had done their job in showing who daemon really is than the moment daemon and rhaenyra started having conflict and were alone together we shouldve felt nothing but dread for rhaenyra. But we didnt and the choke came out of nowhere. Because to us the show was building towards daemon never hurting his family as his one(1) and only redeeming quality that was keeping him away from straight up villain territory. And the fact that even the writers had to come out and explain that scene is proof they either failed to do what they wanted to do or they used a scene of domestic violence as ultimately just for shock value.

"Shock value is the potential of an image, text, action, or other form of communication, such as a public execution, to provoke a reaction of sharp disgust, shock, anger, fear, or similar negative emotions".

Unfortunately American media is full of it. It's kind of their thing. It's easy to provoke an emotional reaction, it's very difficult to create a multilayered story. So they prefer the former.

House of the Dragon particularly suffers from it. Examples:

Viserys ordering the slaughter of his wife and showing that slaughter on screen. No guys it's not a feminist take. Showing a woman's belly being cut in half is not feminism. It's shock value.

Laena ordering her dragon to burn her alive when she was already dying anyway. Again, not feminism, sorry. The quiet tragedy of a woman dying in childbirth and the grief of her husband are obviously not impressive enough for dumb Americans so let's include a totally idiotic suicide that makes zero sense narratively just to provoke a reaction = shock value.

Larys masturbating on Alicent's feet. Adds nothing to the narrative, we already know that Larys is evil as fuck and we already know that Alicent is using him to USURP the rightful heir. These things are already established. A negotiation that should have been meaningful for Alicent's character, by showing her cunningness, determination and plotting skills is reduced to meaningless victimisation, thus objectifying one of the main ANTAGONISTS of the series in order to evoke a reaction of disgust = shock value.

Rhaenys' girlbossification. Added absolutely nothing to the narrative apart from shock, sure, kill a bunch of civilians just to threaten the usurpers? And then leave? What? One of the most stupid scenes in the show.

Crispy Cream killing Laenor's lover. Another extremely stupid scene. Didn't make ANY sense, Crispy got zero conséquence for it, I literally don't understand why that scene was included other than its shock value because it's a game of thrones wedding.

Daemon killing Rhea. Jeez. Horrible, horribly shot, horribly acted, Daemon had less human traits than a fucking Dementor I mean WTF. Am I supposed to care about this woman that appeared on screen for 1 minute? Lol I literally dgaf. It was included merely for shock value and it didn't even shock me because it was just so pointless. That's another level of lame right there.

Daemon choking Rhaenyra, the woman he spent 10+ years pining after, the woman he wanted to protect by exiling himself. The woman that just lost their baby and her throne. That woman. Sure guys domestic violence can occur in a couple that seemed to love each other deeply before the first violent strike, but that's real life. In fiction, it doesn't work that way, sorry. In fiction, when you show a character having a certain trait, you fucking STICK.TO.IT. You don't change that on a whim. If you show that Daemon is loyal to his family, he needs to stay loyal to his family, period. Characters in fiction have an interior logic that doesn't exist in the real world. Real people don't necessarily have that interior logic but fictional characters do. You mess up that logic, you fuck up the story. Aristotle said about tragedy that characters need to be static and that is the most important part. STATIC. It's the narrative that moves the characters forward. They don't just randomly throw a fit out of nowhere because of a random change in personality. But if you use the word STATIC to an American producer they may faint out of boredom because they have literally two brain cells. So yeah again, adds nothing to the narrative apart from shock. Not feminism, just stupid shock value.

Ned's death and Cersei putting Joffrey on the throne were shocking scenes but we ALREADY KNEW that Joffrey is a piece of shit and Cersei wants to put him on the throne. We were only interested in the how the hell are they gonna do that. And when we saw it it was magnificent. It elevated their character arcs by moving the plot forward. That's great storytelling.

#hotd #rant #rambling #sorry guys I don't even know if that makes sense but I tried #game of thrones #house of the dragon #Alicent Hightower #Daemon targaryen #Rhaenyra Targaryen #shock value #anonymous #daemyra

[transfem-goddess-temple]

The pinned post says that people who identify as men are welcome, but that they shouldn't 'be weird to you', and I am curious what forms of engagement with the blog would be considered 'being weird to you' and which would not? For full context, I think the blog is neat and that it might be fun to send a smutty ask, but I consider myself a man, and I do not wish to cross boundaries. I'm also aegosexual (asexual but I think the concept of sex in fiction is neat), so it'd definitely be 100% a roleplay thing on all fronts if I did send an ask, but I understand if that would still be off-putting.

I hope your day has been pleasant! - A silly little guyTM

Hey! That’s a great question, I should probably outline that more in my intro. I guess it comes down to three things:

1. I’ve seen a lot of places (blogs, discords, etc.) where men (typically cis men) come in and try to sort of ‘take over’ for the woman who’s in charge. In this case, that would mean something like sending me asks that objectify me, paint me as a lower status than them, and try to institute themselves as the ‘God’ to my Goddess. While Doms are welcome, and I certainly enjoy being dominated occasionally, this is going too far and undermines my role as the creator and moderator of this space.

2. Sort of as an offshoot of part one, I don’t want any toxic masculinity in this area for ANYONE. I don’t deserve to be bombarded with a bunch of guys trying to get with me because they’re ‘alpha’ or whatever, and neither does the rest of my community who came here feeling safe with expressing their sexuality. Toxic masculinity, including patriarchal views, incel behavior, misogyny, and self righteousness, are rooted in the putting down of others, which we do not allow in my temple (unless that gets people off in a sexual scenario). HOWEVER: THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT MEN IN THIS BLOG CANNOT DOM. Men are free to dom those who are attracted to men in my chapel as long as everyone consents and the man is not acting like Andrew Tate.

3. It’s just an attraction thing. I’m into every gender identity to some level, but cis men are the lowest on the list for a few reasons, including the fact that I’m not the biggest fan of men with penises and the fact that I feel more comfortable expressing myself sexually around women and other trans people. This makes it harder for me to find sexual interest in cis men. Because of this, I put that stipulation in my intro to make clear my sexual preference and to make it so men aren’t popping up in my asks trying to tell me how they are going to dick me down.

Overall: the statement in the pinned post acts mostly as a ward for patriarchy guys so that they see I am not going to let them in. I understand that patriarchy stuff is a kink for some, and when it is used in that context it’s fine and consensual! However, I am trying to ward off people who view it less as a kink and more as real life. With that little warning, they kinda sneer and turn away because they know I’m not interested in their bullshit (or they get into my asks and call me stupid for not liking guys and I just delete it)

Men like you are dope. You’re asking for consent, clarification, and are making it clear that you respect me and the space that I am in. Feel free to send your ask, darling.

[caffeinejournalist23]

What Sex and The City Did & Didn't Teach Me About Love - Part 1: Looking for Matrimony in the Bedsheets

I have been in bed sick for the past 2 days, and with yet another lonely Valentine's Day just around the corner, I figured I'd give in to temptation and finally start watching Sex and The City. I know it's a show full of bullshit depictions of New York, love, and womanhood, but even the fictional glamor of this show can't ignore the very real frustrations of dating in a big city as a young professional.

For the sake of positive manifestations though, I'll mention that I am at the happier part of the show; Carrie and Mr. Big are still broken up but she's finding herself and having mostly positive experiences with other men (which in the end is preparing her for a happy marriage with Big, so.. good stuff still?) - but Miranda and Charlotte are learning more about themselves and breaking down barriers while also respecting their boundaries now that they're in healthier relationships.

And the inspiration for this post - my roommate's boyfriend is secretly plotting their engagement!

For the past few months, he has been acting hella odd; I was worried maybe he was cheating on her, but it didn't add up to the clues or his character as a person at all - it's what we all are taught to erratically fear and assume whenever something seems different from a partner, even if all the signs suggest the polar opposite of that.

Honestly, I'm so glad I'm binging the show now as a 23-year-old with adult friends in healthy relationships and missed it when I was 15 and all my high school friends held that and What to Expect When You're Expecting as the gospel for what to expect in adult womanhood. Because, like I said, though there are some realistic depictions in the show, most of it is over-dramatized and/or over-glamorized - and there's a lot that this show gets completely wrong about real love, sex, and relationships.

For instance; not every woman has to get heartbroken, betrayed, or objectified over and over again before meeting the right match and settling down. In the show, all 4 main characters go through more than 10 guys each season in the first half of the series - which is totally fine and dandy if that's a lifestyle of your choosing and not a self-destructing habit made out of desperation. Unfortunately, I think the show perpetuates a narrative that says casual/non-committal sex occurs among women because they are desperate to find matrimony in the bedsheets rather than because women enjoy sexual liberation.

Charlotte is almost made fun of for her strict rules about sex and intimacy, and always focuses on the future of marriage whenever considering a relationship with a guy. Miranda has a pessimistic attitude about love and relationships for the majority of the series but is then delightfully surprised as she begins to unpack her anxieties about love and regains control of her life through therapy and self-realization.

Compared to my real-life friends who are in healthy committed relationships/marriages, Carrie Bradshaw and her friends got most of it very wrong; most of my friends in happy relationships did not date/have sex with a dozen men; actually, most of my friends are marrying their first serious love - some of which have been together since high school.

The truth is we as women (and/or non-binary feminine people, I'm still learning how to write more inclusively) should not be desperate for a loving long-term relationship! It should be ok to have consensual sex and not want or expect anything else from it. And it should be ok to keep boundaries that cock-block casual sex - and to communicate those boundaries to potential partners.

Overall, I guess my roommate's upcoming proposal and binging the first 3 seasons of Sex and The City got me to realize that when it comes to love and happy relationships, there's no one-size-fits-all expectation - as long as y'all respect each other and love each other truthfully, I think you're doing it right.

#sex and the city #satc #carrie bradshaw #mr big #carriesatc #sex and dating #sex and intimacy #relationship #relationship advice #dating advice #dating tips #loveversusreality #realisticlove #realistic #caffeinejournalist #coffeegirl

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 9/20/2022

it's been a minute since i gave a refresher on what the fuck these posts/this series is. not bc anyone was a dick lately, i just think it's good to insert handy entry points into a long-running series on occasion. i think this post where i read a whole bunch of pulp detective fiction is most representative of the series as a whole (and is one that came together in a very satisfying way/one of the entries i am happiest with)

what the fuck this is

this is an incentivized way to get me to listen to new music, read something, watch something, play something, and make something every week bc if i do a variety of enrichment i am noticeably better able to cope with uhhhhh Life. it's also a way to curb some of the perfectionism bc there is a hard fucking deadline every week.

what the fuck this is not

this is not a critical series, nor is this a recommendation series, although there are elements of critique and you may decide to consume some art based on my description of it. i cannot legally or physically stop you. this is more of a journal than anything else.

elements i have in the back of my mind when i draft these things on sunday afternoons include: what's the pitch for this thing/what is it? does it accomplish the artistic goal i think it's trying to make? a work can be beautiful, and i can recognize its value and be glad it exists in the world and also hate it, so do i personally like the way it does or does not accomplish its goals? how did i find out about this work? lastly is it sick as shit?

listening pretty boy by poutyface. i get kind of excited when i hear a song that objectifies a Type of Guy bc i feel like there's maaaaybe one of these for every hundred thousand that objectifies a Type of Girl. it's now on a playlist i call "SOMEBODY COME FUCK THIS (GAY)"

this is alt/indie, for the scene in a mid-aughts high school movie where the alt girl is falling in love with a skinny nerd and is driving around suburbia thinking about him. lyrics remind me a little bit of Doja Cat, and i was gratified to find an interview where she's cited as inspiration bc i like being right

To be honest, I've been gunning for the girls So if it's gonna be a boy, it's gonna be a boy who twirls All that "bro" - got me bored, yeah, I've seen it all before But, I've never seen a boy dressed up in pearls

the other thing stuck in my head is Guilty as Charged by Moderator. this whole album is super fun but my favorite track is this one, slinky and danceable. my weakness is a song that samples an unexpected source (here i thiiiiink Monty Python and the Holy Grail?). here this review says it better than i can:

...eclectic taste in sounds and influences and thirdly his firm belief that using breakbeats and a dusty jazz sample doesn’t automatically require you to turn in a 70 bpm stoner groove....Wish I Was Dead picks up the pace pitting fat mid tempo drums against Cab Calloway-ish jazz samples before Guilty As Charged drops a huge Wiseguys-style Latin-influenced breakbeat bounce.

both these are off the spotify For You playlist, bc i did a lot of driving for work last week and didn't really have time to make a custom playlist.

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reading continually fascinated by things pushing the limits of 1) electronics miniaturization and 2) crime. it's extremely unlikely you'll run into one of these puppies in real life but they are fun to think about in a semi-horrified fashion

this is half the height of a united states dime, btw. if you even care. BOY do i love a gadget.

-

watching i watched the s/andman. i have a lot of thoughts about the s/andman. this is more me working through a lot of thoughts and feelings than actual thoughts about the show.

i don't have a lot of close friends who are straight dudes. i don't have a lot of close friends who started out as straight dudes either. the one straight dude i was actually close friends with in 2011 in high school introduced me to the works of neilman and started by gently bullying me into reading these. i had an exceptionally bad time in high school, through no fault of this man. we also don't talk much in the current day, again through no fault of this man.

my thoughts and feelings about s/andman the product are therefore wrapped up in who i was and things that were happening in my life when i read the comics. the first time i read them, it was through trial and duress and many interlibrary loans in 2011. i made my dad buy me the first two giant omnibi editions over two christmases and lugged them around throughout college when i was moving twice a year and living out of suitcases. not my photo

reading these comics, with their nineties #representation, felt very revolutionary and daring in the republican suburbs of central jersey. they definitely started me on the way to unlearning a whole bunch of shit. however, i do wish neilman had continued being at the forefront of more and more interesting and daring #representation. i think you can enjoy all the shows based on his work, acknowledge their source material was written decades ago, and be lightly annoyed with him (an extremely active and involved producer by all accounts) for not adapting them in a bolder way to these modern times.

a different but related thing: i really love the concepts of neilman's books but rarely their execution, even though i think he's a perfectly fine prose writer. i enjoy heavily referential and allusive works bc i feel really smart when i catch a reference. i like feeling smart and well-read, even though i personally find most of the references in the comics to be name-drops rather than like, putting the name-dropped thing in a very different context and imagining it in a different context to give it new meaning. to be fair this is a very difficult literary device for me, an amateur, to execute. idk

the actual show: the s/andman is excellently made, very competent television that knew when to deploy its cliffhangers. this feels like a backhanded compliment but i don't know how to phrase it different. i think neilman is a far better television writer than a prose one. i enjoyed watching it! it was fun to watch! the performances really carried a lot of lines that are very silly in print! i'm not going to remember very much of it by next week. i am particularly irritated by the current-day meta around the show (specifically the co/rinthian, bc i think ppl are reading in a lot of things that simply aren't fucking there), but at the same time i do not care enough to go looking for more meta. these transitions did whip tho

my thoughts and feelings about neilman's specific body of work in this one setting: a land of contrasts

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playing fallow week

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making nothing more than wiping down new acquisitions (some board games, a mirror). wrote a bit about my concept of literary/film/artistic criticism while trying to work through my thoughts about the watching section. this post would have been fucking unreadable if i had all that in this one post and both of them individually are really stretching the limits of attention here on this webbed site.

ppl have also been asking for the masterlist of cowboy movies i enjoyed so here's that again. the notes are crucial to your understanding of my thought process

#tuesday again #tuesday again no problem

[yuukei-yikes]

it makes me so glad u like my saeru post bc honestly i get so scared sharing my kagepro opinions in this cold world but like yeah it's makes zero sense whenever i see people try to view saeru the same way they view the other characters bc that's seriously not the point😭. saeru is like sad from an objective standpoint but in kagepro's narrative alone he's what is holding the characters back from developing and gaining happiness. like the only thing abt him is that he's a fabricated shallow version of what being human is like and even then hes only the horrible parts bc he was created from despair. he's meant to be azami's, and by extent all of the mkdn and co's trauma holding them back. if someone tries to find any understanding in his actions then it defeats the whole purpose of his character. a true saeru fan wouldnt try to find empathy in his character but that sounds a bit crazy uhm. anyway sorry for the long ask just kagepro's narrative is so special to me so it makes me a bit insane. *closes the door to my cage and locks it*

1. i totally get you. ive been into kagepro for almost 10 years, ive grown up with it but only started sharing my content when i made this blog (like 5 years ago) and while ive always been loud abt my opinions i think im only NOW like REAAAAAALLY letting loose. i know what it's like to be nervous abt sharing ur opinions lol but u should keep doing it even if u think no one is listening bc someone IS listening and even if someone isnt WHATEVER i love living in delusion talking to myself that's what i do best

2. EXACTLY EXACTLY IT IS SO SO REFRESHING TO SEE SOMEONE GET IT SO PERFECTLY AND PUT IT INTO WORDS SO PERFECTLY TOO like i barely have anything to add because u just say it so perfectly. saeru IS a tragic character in the way it is created from despair like u said but the fact is that since it cannot feel anything like love u can never truly feel bad for it when it dies... it never wanted to help kenjirou, or save hiyori, or give haruka his life back. its purpose through and through is to keep killing everyone precisely because it brings tragedy. like sure it wants to live forever etcetcetc but what it wants to do is bring misery bc that's what it is

i think ppl are generally bad with characters like these because they try to give everyone a humanity?? like with alien characters for example. like it's such a pet peeve to me that people always wanna apply human principles and feelings to characters that are not... human. and the whole point is that they don't understand it and have to learn it or they just understand it differently or like in this case are straight up incapable of it. like this is so interesting. it is so interesting to have a character u will NEVER truly understand fully precisely because of your existence as a human vs their fictional non human existence. THAT'S the kind of thing that's so fun and interesting abt fiction and writing stories and characters, i think. srry that's kind of an unrelated rant that could apply to dozens of characters but here specifically it's like... yeah. there is definitely something interesting in humanizing saeru and making it be one of these characters who learn what love is and etc but that comes at the expense of kagepro's message and the question is why do u even wanna do that so bad. saeru is not THAT lovable anyway fuck that guy fr

because in my professional kagepro experience and here i am about to get a little bitter, 90% of the time it comes from being horny over omg posessed sexy anime boy bc ive never seen ANYONE objectifying clearing when its in kenjirou's body‼️‼️‼️ personally, that's also why im so UGH EYE ROLL at ppl sympathizing saeru but that's more personal lmao. *shakes fist* like mamoru miyano was 1000% chosen as haruka's va thinking primarily of saeru, secondarily of konoha, and haruka as the oh well he's here too ig. i am so sure. i am so DAMN SURE. u got sexy anime voice guy???? are you SERIOUS??? AND THE FACT HE VOICES SAERU EVEN WHEN NOT POSESSING KONOHA AND SOUNDS...LIKE THAT... MAKES IT MORE THAN CLEAR. THEY WANTED PEOPLE TO OBJECTIFY SAERU SO BAD. AND THE WORST IS THAT IT WORKED AND I WILL ALWAYS HATE IT FOR IT.

...........anyway. yes. i love long asks ty for writing to me and reading my tags and also for writing that awesome post (bow bow bow bow)🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

#ask tag #kagenalysis

[catgirl-catboy]

I posted 5,298 times in 2022

That's 3,677 more posts than 2021!

947 posts created (18%)

4,351 posts reblogged (82%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cursed--alien

@repost-this-image

@universeshards

@proship-fictionkin

@pudgyroo

I tagged 1,231 of my posts in 2022

#proship - 216 posts

#anti anti - 142 posts

#proshipper - 120 posts

#pro ship - 96 posts

#ask tag - 74 posts

#pro fiction - 66 posts

#pro shippers - 64 posts

#proshippers please interact - 57 posts

#pro ship safe - 54 posts

#danganronpa - 44 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#there is a difference between someone that dislikes something and someone who judges if it is okay to bully someone or not based off one thi

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

The irony of One Piece for having a canonically asexual main character and then giving him a brother NAMED Ace who is one of the biggest sluts in the manga is unparalelled.  

1,084 notes - Posted August 4, 2022

#4

From now on, I’m going to talk about perfectly common tropes like an anti.

Oh?  You condone love triangles?  You normalize jealousy in relationships where impressionable teens can see it?   Most love triangles have two men fighting over a women, so you must be objectifying her, you sexist!   The existance of love triangles is causing nobody to respect polyamorous people, setting progress back years!  If you enjoy love triangles, you are probably going to cheat on me, so don’t fucking get near!

1,623 notes - Posted August 20, 2022

#3

What if the reason antis get confused about ‘gross shit’ being in the main tags is because they assume the main tags should be more algorithm-like?   That the ‘gross shit’ should sink to the bottom where it is never seen.   Bad news guys:  Most recent absolutely does not fucking work like that, and nobody has a clue how most popular works.

2,055 notes - Posted August 22, 2022

#2

Honestly people should stop seeing autistic people as high/low functioning and start thinking about it like Pokemon stats.

For instance, I have a low stamina stat.   Need to bring my headphones everywhere because loud noise really wears me down.   However, there are some stats I’m quite high in.   I can eat most foods without sensory issues, and I think I can small talk quite well even if I don’t care to.

There is no such thing as the strongest (or most neurotypical) pokemon!  It depends a lot on type matchups, movesets, playstyles.   A Pokemon most people would think of as strong, like a Charizard, might struggle when faced with a rock type.  So! Give yourself an item or teach yourself a new move. 

2,597 notes - Posted August 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Honestly, to any fellow neurodivergents that struggle with doing tasks: have you tried doing the task intentionally badly?

I'm serious. I always used to struggle with getting schoolwork done on time. Then one day, out of a place of spite, I tried to write the shittiest assignment the teacher ever damn graded. (It was a stupid assignment.) Got fed up with the bit halfway through and began writing the assignment in earnest. This has helped me start shit halfway since.

Even if it doesn't work like that for other people, half-assed is better than not finished. Half ass cleaning? Guess what, the space is still cleaner.

If you are reading this, I encourage you to try that thing you are procrastinating on or struggling with using the minimum effort possible.

4,113 notes - Posted October 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[readbykate]

One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest by Ken Kesey Star Rating: ☆☆☆☆☆ (0) Release Date: February 1, 1962 Genre: Classics, Fiction Number of Pages: 336 Date Read: September 14, 2022 First Line: “They’re out there.” Favorite Quote: N/A Review: DNF I got, I kid you not, 10 pages in and couldn’t make myself go on. 1. I get that this was published in 1962 but that does not excuse the fact that this WHITE author felt it was okay to narrate as a native man. If I see one more book about a person of color written by a self-righteous white author I’m gonna lose it. 2. His language surrounding race was extremely problematic and keep it mind THAT WAS ONLY IN THE FIRST TEN PAGES. It’s bad enough he makes the black orderlies the bad guys but then he has to go and compare them to DOGS?! Huh??? For real wtf is this?  3. “A mistake was made somehow in manufacturing, putting those big, womanly breasts on what would have otherwise been a perfect work, and you can see how bitter she is about it.” 😀✋🏼 Not him literally objectifying a woman on page 5. The misogyny has entered the building 🧍🏻‍♂️ Anyways, if you like this book don’t hate me. I’m glad you enjoyed it, it just was not for me. I can also understand if this review feels unfair because I haven’t read the whole book but from what I’ve seen and heard from others, my aforementioned points are just the tip of the iceberg. Content Warnings: suicide, rape, assault, sexism, racism Disclaimer: This blog was started in August of 2022, so some of my past reads from many years ago are not posted/reviewed because I don’t remember them well enough. With that being said, you can find a full list of all my read books in the links on my blog’s homepage :)

#book review #Books and Literature

[absolutebl]

I've been a huge BL fan (series, fanfics, etc) for about a year but I'm still very new to this BL world and today I saw a post on soc media from some Trans activists with a caption "straight girls who fetishize gay guys are just as creepy as straight guys who fetishize lesbians". And then there were lots of comments like 'fujoshis, this is for you' or 'every yaoi fan girl ever' or 'every fandom ever' (I do know the meaning of yaoi and fujoshi). What do you think about that statement? Is it really that bad that we girls/women fangirl over fictional and sometimes real life gay couples? During my entire life I never realized that I'd be so much into BL (that's probably because I never really came across a lot of gay series/movies/stories/fanfics before when I was younger, only recently) and now ever since I became a huge fan I have seen that there are literally thousands of women who love it too. So is it really fetishizing?

Thank you

And btw I love your blog so much, one of my absolute favourite 💜💜

Aw hi hon!

I actually kinda tackle this, tangentially, in this post:

Will BL Get More Honestly Queer?

It's a pro normalization stance with pro straight allies feels.

So is straight women loving BL really fetishization?

From a kink perspective, no it's not fetishization. As a kinkster I have to say I don't like that term being coopted and used as a slur, either. That's just non-kinksters using kink as the lowest order punching bag for them to abuse (puns intended).

Technically for kinksters, 

a fetish is a sexual act or element that is REQUIRED by the person who has said fetish to get off.

Oxford says:

a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.

Oh but there's that word we all love "abnormal." 

Sigh.

Still, by either definition, my answer to "So is it really fetishizing?" is... no it's not. Because that's not what fetish means.

But this is how I feel about it as a queer kinkster and others are entitled to their own opinions. (So long as they don't present said opinion as fact, I suppose.)

Like everything else on Twitter, (and that smacks of a Twit-izm, so you didn't say twitter but I'm assuming) reduction has oversimplified the statement out of all inherent meaningful discourse or quality of thought.

Frankly i find outrage culture completely exhausting. I can't barely work up the enthusiasm to brush my damn teeth, getting upset up over pop culture that gives people pleasure, especially pleasing women who have precious little joy in their lives, just seems sad to me.

On the flip side:

It is interesting to consider, as a straight woman (or a lesbian, or a person not really attracted to men, or as a person not attracted to sex/relationships), why you are drawn to BL? Why you find this kind of narrative attractive, sexy, warming, comforting and NOT the straight ones? I do think self reflection can be quite interesting. Especially around desire.

But then again, as a queer kinkster, the nature of my own desires has resulted in a certain amount of self reflection my whole damn life.

Okay now... weird comparison but here we go. 

Wouldn’t publicly admitting to liking BL be a little like a straight woman experiencing a kind of coming out? I mean if admitting to loving BL gets you bullied, criticized, and abused? Like hello, welcome to the party. Guess who has a lifetime of knowledge about admitting to liking and/or being sexually turned on by a thing and then shamed for it, the queers and the kinksters! 

Finally, I think the original 1:1 has an issue with conflation. (Having just played about with conflation myself, my bad.) 

Still, the men/lesbian = women/BL cases cannot be compared because the power held by (and invested in) male sexuality, gaze, and straight sexual desire and its ability to objectify women (and companion impact on social power in society) is materially different from female and feminine desires and its social power.

As a result the original statement is, by default, pitting feminist issues against queer activism. I don't like anything that puts a fissure between queer and feminist, because I believe queer/trans rights are feminist issues. (I've talked about this before but I can't find that post and I'm tired...) 

Anydinglebury, read that linked post above, it's a lot more coherent than I am currently being.

Suffice it to say that what motivates me is cohesion and support, sharing affection and delight, as well as education and understanding - not being divisive or encouraging outrage or shock or us/them mentalities.

But that's what drove me to Tumblr instead of other platforms. Sure this is the original hellhole, but that hellhole is well lubed (sorry not sorry) and it's also a greyspace that seems to capable of containing multitudes (still not sorry) in a way other hellscapes can't (or won’t).

Besides, the people that do not like me or disagree with me here, well they just block my dumb arse. So much easier that way.

(source) 

#asked and asnswered #bl relationions #bl industry

[sayosdreams]

Under appreciated character of the day:

Dorian Havilliard

I think people often enjoy his character by sexualizing / objectifying / romanticizing him (im not blaming u cuz he’s a hot fictional guy), playing up his physical attractiveness and sometimes his love of reading. Occasionally ppl will mention him in context of accepting Aelin but not him as an individual.

His complexity as a character with SO MUCH familial trauma (not to mention everything else) is so overlooked. I mean, his dad? Hot mess ofc but also his brother and even his mom.

Ngl one of my favorite things about Dorian is his lack of ego (at least after book 1). It’s so unique! Okay I’m tired so I’m ending this here but prepare for another rant soon

[puppywritings]

fidelium - johnny suh x gender-neutral reader masterlist

⇢   synopsis: you can’t wait to spend the weekend at johnny’s house. your boyfriend was a bad boy, and a motorcycle rider to boot. things were new, thrilling. perhaps more thrilling than you bargained for. you come to learn that it’s a lot more difficult to leave than to stay.

⇢   word count: 6.8k ⇢   trigger warnings: death, guns, toxic relationship involving manipulation, objectification, arguments. sexual elements and implied sex but no explicit scenes. ⇢   warning:  the relationship displayed in this fic is in absolutely no way healthy or ideal. it’s one red flag after another. if somebody disrespects your boundaries, threatens you, objectifies you, manipulates you, or anything of the sort, they’re not a good person to be around and they don’t deserve to stay in your life. the contents of this fic may be upsetting to read.

⇢   a/n: this is my piece for @du0tine​‘s 21 ways to kill your lover collab. intended for 18+ audiences. i also want to say, it’s not my intention to romanticize or glorify toxic, harmful, or abusive relationships - this is purely fiction. this writing also doesn’t reflect the real johnny suh, who i’m sure is a lovely person and would never engage in this sort of behaviour.

taglist: @prettyjaems @ethaeriyeol​ @1-800-seo​ @neonun-au​ (sorry if i forgot anyone i’m super disorganised w my taglists atm)

Johnny Suh didn’t fit your usual dating criteria. With his black leather jacket, heavy lace-up boots, and hulking motorcycle, he was a bit of a bad boy. And there was something exciting in that. You’d met him late one night, in the bar where you worked. You’d served him all night - rum and coke, his drink of choice. He certainly caught your eye, at first. He was handsome, with his brown eyes twinkling and his long blond hair pulled back into a ponytail. But it wasn’t until the two of you started talking that you became interested. It was a quiet night, and Johnny insisted on sitting at the bar in front of you. He was teasing, charming. And when he gave you his number at closing time, you actually tapped the digits into your phone, rather than just discarding it like you usually do. Unlike the rest of your patrons who thrust their contact details upon you, when it came to Johnny the interest was mutual.

So, while it was true that Johnny wasn’t quite the typical man you went after, the relationship had been going well. He’d been nothing short of a gentleman in the duration of your relationship, though he still thrilled you with his affinity for the more reckless things in life; late-night motorcycle rides, drinking just a little too much and partying all night. He took the mundaneness out of your life - he made your life an adventure.

Towards the end of your shift that Friday evening, you found yourself getting jittery; you checked the time every five minutes, and a swarm of butterflies was building in your stomach. Johnny was picking you up after work on his bike, and it was all you could think about. You almost ran out of the establishment, when the clock struck ten, marking the end of your shift. Your heart swelled at the sight of Johnny in the bar’s parking lot, leaning against his motorcycle with his hands in his pockets.

“Hey, angel,” he greeted you, affection glowing in his eyes and his smile.

“Hi,” you beamed, wrapping your arms around his waist and taking in his warmth. He picked you up immediately, holding you tight and spinning you. “Johnny!” you giggled, fingers grasping the cotton of his white t-shirt. 

“You ready to meet my boys?” he asked you, punctuating his question with a kiss on your nose. He was referring to the friends he considered family; he lived with them, in a rather large house on the outskirts of town, from what you’d heard. They were special to him, and you knew it was important to him that you got along with them. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t completely terrified. You knew it’d be okay, though. If they had Johnny’s approval you were sure they’d be good people. Plus, you could never be too scared with Johnny’s hand in your own.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” you responded with a smile.

“Hop on,” he instructed you, tossing you a helmet and putting on his own. At the beginning of your relationship, he’d given you his own helmet, forgoing his protection for the sake of yours. You hadn’t liked this - this display of his reckless attitude that surpassed thrilling and sat nicely in the territory of dangerous - and so you’d pestered him until he bought a second helmet.

You secured your rucksack on your back, prepacked with all the clothes and toiletries you required for the weekend you’d be spending with your boyfriend, before climbing onto the large black bike behind him. Johnny had been driving you around on his bike for a number of weeks now, but you still weren’t quite used to it. The mix of fear and exhilaration, both from the wind whipping past your ears and from the sensation of your chest pressed flush against Johnny’s back, your arms tight around his waist. It made your heart race. The feeling you got from riding a motorcycle embodied everything that Johnny was: dark, exciting, intoxicating, addictive.

Johnny hadn’t been lying when he said he lived on the outskirts. The bright lights of the town centre were far behind you, and even the streetlights had begun to die out. You were alone with the moon and starlight now. The neatly paved roads gave way to rough muddy lanes. The built-up urban surroundings gave way to empty fields, then to a dense and seemingly endless forest. The bike’s headlamp shone a path through the trees, guiding Johnny to his home. Though your partner clearly felt familiar here, the environment sent chills down your spine - you could’ve sworn you felt eyes on you, peering out from the darkness. When your journey ended, at a solitary house looming tall against the dark backdrop of the forest, you were thankful.

“Here we are,” Johnny welcomed you, helping you off the bike. The house was bigger than you could’ve expected. The term mansion wouldn’t be amiss.

“So,” you commented, looking up at the structure, illustrated by the silver moonlight. “This is where you and your biker gang live?” You looked along the line of bikes, queued up around the house. They were of different styles and sizes, though (with your limited knowledge on motorcycles) they all looked rather impressive.

“I keep telling you, we’re not a biker gang,” Johnny corrected you, with a lighthearted roll of his eyes. “We’re just a group of friends who live together, and just so happen to ride together too.”

“And if that’s not a biker gang, what is?” you teased.

“Zip it,” Johnny said gently, and you complied. “Here, I’ll take your bag.”

“Ever the gentleman,” you commented, passing it to him. You braced yourself, as he led you into his home.

It was warm inside, much warmer than out in the chilly woodland. From what you could tell by looking at the entranceway, the place was tidy and well-lit. Your boyfriend led you down the hall, into an open-plan kitchen and living area, where Johnny's friends were sitting around the television. 

"We're home, guys," Johnny announced, drawing their attention towards you.

"Hey, look what Johnny brought home!" one of them called out, bringing a blush to your cheeks.

"Watch it," Johnny warned, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you close to him. "Y/N is all mine. You can look, but you can't touch. In fact, you can only look for five seconds at a time."

“These are the boys” Johnny introduced you to them. “This is Jaehyun, Ten, Mark. And that’s Donghyuck. My protege, right kid?” 

“That’s right, John” the boy grinned up at Johnny from where he was sitting.

You gave a shy wave as you looked around at Johnny's friends. Though he had named them all, introducing them, it was a redundant act. You'd asked to see pictures of everybody prior to that night, not wanting to get lost amid a sea of unfamiliar faces. You saw Jaehyun, with his dimples and broad shoulders; Mark, with pronounced cheekbones and a delicate nose; Ten, with a feline-like beauty; and Donghyuck, full cheeks and long eyelashes. 

"I think we're just gonna turn in for the night, right Y/N?" Johnny spoke, looking down at you. "See you boys tomorrow."

You waved at Johnny's friends, with a polite, "Bye." The boys chorused their goodbyes back at you, and Johnny led you away.

You couldn't help but admire the house as Johnny guided you to his bedroom, your hand in his. The place was huge, grand. You weren't sure under what circumstances Johnny and his friends acquired this house, but it can't have been cheap. 

"And this," he led you inside, "Is my room."

The room was a fair size, with several tall windows and a four-poster double bed. The matching furniture looked sturdy and high-quality, a dark antique wood.

"This is impressive," you told him honestly. Johnny beamed in pride; he was always looking for praise, and you were happy to feed his ego.

Johnny lounged on his bed, laying back propped up on his elbows. "Come feel how comfy my bed is," he invited you with a smirk.

"Johnny Suh, you are not smooth. I know that's just an excuse to get me into bed," you said, falling beside him.

"If you knew it was just an excuse," Johnny asked, pausing to plant a kiss on your jawline, "Then why'd you join me?"

"Because," you tell him, "Maybe I want to be in bed with you."

Johnny gave a low chuckle, before kissing you again; a line beginning at your jaw, trailing down to your neck, and ending at your collarbone, making you gasp and lean into his touch.

"Johnny," you purred, your voice full of want.

"Let Johnny take care of you, baby," Johnny hummed. You obliged, submitting to his touch and surrendering to the pleasure.

Coming down from your high, you collapsed against Johnny’s bed, smiling as you looked up at your boyfriend who lay beside you.

“You’re perfect,” Johnny told you, his dark brown eyes gazing deeply into your own. You felt the heat rise to your cheeks, and you looked away, only for Johnny to tilt your chin back up towards him. “It’s true,” he reiterated.

“I’m not perfect,” you denied, wrinkling your nose.

Johnny pecked your lips. “You are. My angel.”

You looked at him, lying beside you in his bed. His sex hair was immaculate, perfectly tousled from rolling around and from your fingers tugging on it. His lips were plump and pink from your kisses, and his collarbones were decorated in pink splotches. He looked beautiful, he was glowing, and you couldn’t help but grin at him.

“Hey,” Johnny says suddenly, sitting up and untangling himself from the blankets. “Let me give you a massage.”

“It’s okay, babe, you don’t have to,” you waved away his offer. He seemed deadset, however, cracking his knuckles in preparation.

“I insist. Roll over.” You obeyed, lying on your front and allowing your boyfriend to straddle your waist. His hands pressed into your skin, rubbing deeply into your muscles. The sensation was pleasant, you had to admit. Mostly, you just enjoyed the proximity between you and Johnny, and the feeling of being taken care of by someone you loved. You closed your eyes, allowing yourself to slip away and ease into the feeling.

You weren’t allowed to slip away for long, however, as your phone began to buzz, startling you. The vibrations against the hardwood of Johnny’s bedside table conjured a harsh screeching noise. You lifted your head, peering at the screen.

You lifted your torso, as much as you could with Johnny’s weight on you. “Oh, it’s my mom. I should-”

“You can call her back later, angel,” Johnny said, pushing you back down onto the bed. The action was gentle, but Johnny didn’t need to use much force to manipulate your body; your boyfriend worked out, and bordered on freakishly strong - at least, in comparison to you. His buff arms held your shoulders down, preventing any movement. "This is my time to pamper you," he explained, resuming the massage.

"Okay," you tentatively agreed. "I'll call her back later." You got the sense that this massage was much more for Johnny's benefit than for yours, but if it kept him happy, then so be it.

“Good morning, angel,” Johnny greeted you. Your eyelids fluttered open, adjusting to the light in his bedroom. With a groan, you stretched your muscles, stiff from sleeping. “I brought you a cup of coffee.”

You looked to your boyfriend, smiling at you as he entered the room, a mug in each hand. You couldn’t be sure how long he’d been awake, or what time it was, but he was dressed already, beige cable-knit sweater and loose jeans, with his hair pulled back in a low ponytail. It was a contrast to his usual greaser bad-boy image, and the sight warmed your heart. He looked cozy, soft. You smiled back at him, sitting up and letting the covers pool around your waist. 

“Morning, Johnny,” you beamed at him, accepting the cup of coffee he handed to you. You took a sip and moaned in delight. Your boyfriend made a mean cup of coffee, perfectly sweet without being overbearing. He sat beside you on the bed, caressing your cheek lightly.

“I was thinking we could go out for a walk,” he suggested, before taking a swig of his own coffee. “It’s a nice morning.”

You nodded. “Okay.”

A while later, fully dressed and hand-in-hand with Johnny, you found yourself venturing through the forest that surrounded the house. There were a few man-made footpaths winding between the trees, but for the most part, you were truly in the middle of nature, an environment completely untouched by humans. Birds flapped their wings, rustling in the trees, and creatures whose species were unknown to you scrambled to run away in your wake, paws pounding on the forest floor. Johnny had been right; it was a nice morning. The sun filtered through branches and leaves, casting light and warmth down upon you, and the air was clean and fresh.

“It’s so nice out here,” you commented, looking around at the greens and browns that encompassed you.

“Yeah,” Johnny agreed. “I’m lucky to live here.”

“You really are. I’d walk through here every morning if I were you.”

“You’re lucky, too,” Johnny acknowledged, squeezing your hand. “You’re dating me. You can walk here whenever you want as well.” You smiled, your heart swelling at his words.

“It really is isolated, huh? Your house?” you remarked, peering around at your surroundings. The nearest road was so far away that you couldn’t even hear the rush of cars from where you stood.

“Yeah,” Johnny confirmed. “It’s not easy to get out of the house.” Why anyone would wish to escape this peaceful surroundings, you had no idea. It felt so far removed from the hustle and bustle of everyday life; your usual troubles felt so distant.

The sun had risen higher in the sky by the time you returned to Johnny’s house, and you realised you hadn’t even brought your phone with you. You hadn’t even thought to check the time once since you woke up. This was so out of the ordinary for you, particularly on a Saturday morning, when you’d usually be lounging in your apartment scrolling through social media.

The house had woken up by the time you stepped through the front door. It had been silent when you left, though now it seemed that the entire household was up and about.

“Where have you been, John?” Ten called out, as the two of you entered the kitchen.

“Just out for a walk,” he explained, taking a seat at the kitchen island, where you joined him.

“By the way, Y/N, it’s nice to meet you,” Ten greeted you, smiling sweetly.

“It’s nice to meet you, too,” you returned, smiling back politely.

Johnny leaned in close, stage-whispering. “It’s really not all that nice to meet him. He’s a pretty lousy guy. Into some real weird stuff. Has probably killed a guy.” Ten gave Johnny a pointed glare as he departed the kitchen, and you giggled at your boyfriend’s antics.

“So,” Donghyuck asked, his voice somewhat muffled as he peered into the open fridge. “What do you guys have planned today?”

“Hmm. Not much,” Johnny answered. “Have some lunch, take it easy.”

“I want to shower first,” you announced, stretching your arms above your head. The physical exertion of your outdoor walk, along with your heated activities the night before, had left you feeling a little less than squeaky clean.

“We should do that together,” Johnny suggested, pressing a lingering kiss to your cheek, which flamed at his proposition. 

“Okay,” you giggled in spite of yourself. Johnny was the only man, since you’d been twelve years of age, who was capable of reducing you to such a blushing, giggling mess.

“Let’s go,” Johnny invited you, smirking as he stood up and held out his hand. You took it, and laughed when Donghyuck fake gagged and Johnny stared at him with daggers in his eyes. You allowed Johnny to lead you, your hand in his, all the way upstairs. After retrieving your toiletries and change of clothes, you joined him in the bathroom, closing the door behind you.

“The lock is funny,” he told you, leaning over you to fiddle with it. “You really have to twist it-” he grunted, “There we go.”

You smiled, bunching up his shirt in your hands and pulling him closer towards you. He looked smug as he leaned in to kiss you, his lips sweet and commanding. Your hands went under his shirt, ghosting over his chiseled abdomen, which tensed delightfully under your touch.

Johnny pulled away, his eyes scanning up and down your body, setting you alight with his gaze. “Why don’t you doll yourself up for lunch, huh? I want to show everyone how beautiful you are.”

“Okay,” you nodded, agreeing to his suggestion. He captured your lips again, and you smiled against his lips. “We need to shower, baby. And no funny business.”

“No promises,” Johnny grinned, his eyes twinkling. When he took his shirt off, however, your request of no funny business went completely out the window.

Sunday morning came all too fast, as your weekend with Johnny came to a close. It had been peaceful, relaxing, a greatly needed recharge, and you weren’t quite ready to return to your regular life. Walks through the city rather than through the woodland, and shifts in the bar all week long.

"I wish you didn't have to leave today," Johnny said, pouting as his fingertip traced shapes along your forearm as you lounged on his bed together.

"I know, babe, me too," you agreed. His eyelashes looked long, fanned across his cheeks as he gazed downwards.

"You should stay," Johnny suggested, a hopeful lilt to his voice. "Just another day or two?"

You shook your head at him. "I'm working all week babe, it's easier if I just go home. I can stay again next weekend." 

Johnny sighs, an irritated huff, retracting his hand from your arm. "You don't wanna stay with me?" he asked, looking up at you with hurt in his eyes.

"It's not that I don't want to, John, it'll just be complicated. You'll have to give me a lift to work, and it's so far that I'll have to wake up a lot earlier."

"You don't even sound like you're going to miss me," he pointed out. His voice had a tinge of anger and it frustrated you in turn. He was acting so petty - you hadn't seen this immature side of him before.

"Of course I'll miss you, Johnny," you assured him with a roll of your eyes. "But we can see each other next weekend, okay?"

"Whatever," Johnny scoffed.

"Whatever?" you asked incredulously. "Johnny, you're acting like a child."

"Sorry. Sorry I'm going to miss my partner because they insist on leaving me." 

You shifted away from Johnny, swinging your legs off the bed and facing away from him. "This is stupid," you muttered.

"I'm stupid?" Johnny exclaimed.

You rubbed your eyes in frustration. "I didn't say that."

"You didn't need to." Johnny jumped up from the bed, swiftly storming past you and exiting the room, complete with exaggerated stomps and a hefty slam of the door.

“God!” you cussed, in irritation and disbelief. You couldn’t believe he was acting like this. This side of Johnny, bitter and bad-tempered - you couldn’t say you enjoyed it. If anything, his outburst had only made you want to leave more. You cursed the complete and utter isolation of the place. You could hardly leave and catch a bus - you’d get lost if you even tried venturing out into the woods. Johnny was your ride home, and you didn’t want to face him. You weren’t even sure if he’d oblige, if you asked him to take you home.

You stood, scanning through your options, and your feet led you out of Johnny’s room. Down the hall, to the room you were sure belonged to Donghyuck. You knocked on the door, two uncertain taps. 

“Yeah?” Donghyuck’s voice called out from within - bingo. You pushed the door open apprehensively. The room was smaller than Johnny’s, though still a decent size. He had a large television mounted on the wall, hooked up to a gaming system that looked rather impressive, to your amateur perspective. 

“Oh, Y/N,” he remarked, sounding surprised and pausing his video game. “What’s up?”

“I’m sorry to bother you,” you prefaced, stepping into his room and closing the door behind you. “Johnny and I… had a bit of an argument. I was wondering if you could give me a ride home?”

“You fought?” Donghyuck asked. “What about?”

You sighed “It’s nothing. Something silly.” You didn’t particularly want to divulge the details to Donghyuck - you didn’t want to end up badmouthing Johnny to his friends. 

“Hey, sit down,” he invites you, patting the space beside him, on the end of his bed. “Come play video games with me. Take a minute to calm down.” You hesitantly joined him, taking a seat on the end of his bed. “Think this through, Y/N, it’s probably not a good idea to storm out.”

You picked up the controller Donghyuck gave you, holding it loosely. “Yeah, you’re probably right. Johnny wouldn’t be happy if I left without saying anything.”

“That guy has a temper,” Donghyuck commented under his voice. You felt inclined to agree, after the way he’d acted that morning.

“How do I play?” you asked, examining the controller in your hands. Donghyuck leaned over, running you through the controls and rules of the game. The other boy pressed play, and you were flung into the game headfirst, forced to learn and adapt to the fast-paced course of the game. You didn’t know how much time passed, but by your fourth round of the game, you were laughing and shouting along with Donghyuck, all thoughts of smothering boyfriends erased from your mind.

“Feeling better, huh?” Donghyuck asked, beaming at you. 

“Yeah,” you confirmed, nodding. “Thanks.”

“One more round?”

“I should probably go talk to Johnny,” you denied apologetically. “But thank you.”

“Any time,” he smiled, holding out his fist for a bump, which you obliged. 

“Bye,” you bid him, before departing his bedroom and moving down the hall. You stood for a moment, outside Johnny’s bedroom door, taking a deep breath and bracing yourself.

When you pushed open the door, you found Johnny already standing in his room. You approached him slowly and with apprehension, speaking in a calm and gentle tone. “Hey, Johnny? I’m sorry for blowing up earlier.”

“It’s okay,” he assured you. His composure surprised you, after the volume of his outburst earlier. He didn’t look at you, nor did he turn around to face you. He stood before his dresser, apparently very focused on something inside it. “Why were you in Donghyuck’s room?”

Your eyes widened a little. He didn’t sound mad, nor did he have the right to be. But something about the situation, or perhaps about his demeanor, made you feel a little jittery. You didn’t know he’d been watching you. “Oh. Um. He was just convincing me to stay.” You cleared your throat, feeling the need to change the subject. “What are you doing?”

“Come look,” he beckoned you. You joined him, peering down into the dresser which he seemed so enthralled by.

You gulped. The open drawer was like something you’d find in a museum; it was lined with crimson velvet, and several vintage-looking pistols were laid out in it. They ranged in size and style, the smallest being the size of your palm and the largest stretching to the length of your forearm. “I… I didn’t know you had guns.” The sight of them made your heart race. If you were being honest, you’d led a rather sheltered life, and had never been in the presence of so many weapons. It made you feel uneasy.

“I don’t use them. They’re only collectibles.” Johnny picked up the smallest gun, and you flinched. He glanced at you, and the look in his eyes was undetectable to you - it wasn’t offence, nor regret, but his eyes definitely glinted with something. The way he handled the gun, you weren’t sure if you bought the ‘collectibles’ line. He handled it with such ease and grace, that it almost seemed like he was born with a gun in his hand. Though it was small, compact, barely the size of your hand - and it appeared even smaller in Johnny’s palm, which dwarfed it - you found yourself stunned and shivery, thinking about the damage it was capable of. Did Johnny collect bullets, too? you found yourself wondering.

You averted your gaze, discomfort taking over, and noticed that your phone lay atop the dresser. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. You weren’t sure where, exactly, you had left your phone, but you were certain you hadn’t laid it there. “Hey - my phone-”

“Oh, right,” Johnny said, placing his gun back in the drawer and closing it sharply, twisting a key which sat in the keyhole, locking it away. “Your boss called. He said you don’t have to work tomorrow. That’s great, right? You can stay the night - you don’t have to leave.”

You nodded, feeling a little sick but faking a smile anyways. “Great.” You were tired, physically and emotionally. You felt bad for even thinking it, but you wanted a break from your boyfriend. You wanted some space. He was making you feel uncomfortable, bordering on unsafe, and you found yourself craving the security you felt in Donghyuck’s room.

“Um, I’m gonna take a shower,” you conjured the excuse for an escape. 

“Okay,” Johnny accepted it easily, smiling widely. He wrapped his arms around your waist, planting a kiss on your forehead. “Don’t be gone too long, alright?”

“Alright,” you nodded, breathing a sigh of relief when he released you. You would stay another night; it wasn’t worth upsetting Johnny over.

You had to admit that you felt a lot better after showering. The warm water had relaxed you, along with the familiar and comforting scent of your shampoo grounding you and bringing your emotions to a calmer, neutral level. You were standing before the bathroom mirror, applying moisturiser to your face, when you heard a click. A turn.

The broken lock.

Before you could act, Donghyuck was before you, staring at you with wide eyes. You let out a yelp, turning around, though most of your skin was hidden beneath your towel.

“Fuck, sorry! I’m so sorry! Don’t tell Johnny about this!” he blurted.

“It’s okay,” you responded, cheeks flushed. You weren’t sure Donghyuck had heard your forgiveness, however; you’d heard him dash away while your back was turned. You laugh awkwardly to yourself at the mishap, before closing the door again and making certain to twist the lock properly. It had only been a silly mistake, you reassured yourself. And he hadn’t seen anything, besides your bare shoulders, which was hardly a great reveal.

You shook your head, before drying and dressing yourself. The poor boy had been so flustered, and you had to admit it was sort of endearing.

“Nice shower?” Johnny asked when you returned to his room, lying on his bed atop the covers.

You nodded, joining him on the bed. “I feel so relaxed now.”

He pulled you close to him, kissing your lips gently. “Jaehyun’s making dinner for everyone, it’ll be ready before long.”

“That’s nice of him,” you murmured, laying your head on Johnny’s shoulder. “Poor Donghyuck, though. We had a really awkward moment in the bathroom, I don’t know if he’ll be ready to face me.”

You felt Johnny tense, his muscles going hard beneath you. “What do you mean?”

“He walked in on me showering. I don’t think he saw much, but-”

Johnny sat up abruptly, causing your head to fall back on the bed. “He fucking what?” Johnny hissed.

“Johnny, it’s fine,” you insisted. “I was wrapped in a towel-”

“I’m going to fucking kill him,” Johnny cursed, standing.

“Johnny,” you spoke firmly, grabbing his arm in a tight grip. “Stop. I said he didn’t see anything.”

“I fucking hope not,” Johnny growled, sitting down once more. He tucked a lock of hair behind your ear, stroking your face lightly. His hand was trembling. “You’re my angel,” he said. “I don’t want anybody else seeing you like that.”

“It won’t happen again, okay? I’m all yours, I promise.” You placed your hand on top of Johnny’s, soothing him with your touch. His temper, flaring again. This wasn’t something you liked much about Johnny, and you hadn’t been all that glad to meet this side of him. But, you bargained, nobody was perfect - you certainly weren’t. Besides, you had been ready this time; your firm tone and gentle touch had helped to calm him.

Johnny stood up, rubbing his face with both of his hands. You heard him release a shaky breath.

“Please calm down, Johnny. I’m sorry.”

“I’m fine,” he said, nodding certainly. “I’m calm.”

“Let’s go get dinner, yeah?” You stood, intertwining your fingers with his.

“Yeah,” he agreed, squeezing your hand a little too tightly.

Johnny’s rather sour mood remained all throughout dinner, as evidenced by his clenched jaw and the protective hand he laid on your thigh. His sullen demeanor made him somewhat of a bore to be around, and you found yourself laughing and joking with his friends; you’d be happy to consider Donghyuck a friend, and Mark was hilarious too. Johnny didn’t seem to like this, however. You spent the last portion of the meal in silence, quietly eating and staying close to Johnny’s side.

Even afterwards, as you watched a movie with the group, Johnny refused to relax and let go of his needless worries. Everybody was laughing at the movie, but you couldn’t help but notice that Johnny hadn’t even cracked a smile the whole time. In fact, you didn’t even think he’d been watching the movie; his eyes hardly left you, flitting between your face and your body. As though if he stopped watching you, something horrible would happen. As though he were keeping guard.

He pulled you closer towards him, though there was very little space between the two of you on the couch beforehand. His lips connected with your cheek, before straying down towards your neck. You felt your skin heat up in embarrassment, although all eyes in the room were still trained on the television. Johnny wrapped his arm around your waist, using his strength to lift you onto his lap. You squeaked at the sudden action, earning inquisitive glances from Johnny’s friends, which only fuelled how flustered you were. He held your body close to his, squeezing you. His breath tickled your neck, sending shivers down your spine, before he sunk his teeth into your skin. You hoped your muffled moan went unnoticed, but your eyes were shut tightly so it was unknown to you. You squirmed in Johnny’s lap, thighs clenching together tightly.

In another show of Johnny’s strength, or perhaps just his relative power in comparison to your apparent weakness, he lifted you swiftly. The abrupt movement surprised you, and you gasped sharply.

“Y/N and I are going upstairs,” Johnny announced to the group, and you silently allowed him to guide you away.

“Because,” he continued as you two left the room, “I can take Y/N any time I want.”

“Johnny!” you scolded him, mouth agape with humiliation as his boys hollered in your wake. He ignored your cries of reprimand, scooping you up off your feet with a grin on his face. 

“C’mon, baby,” he whispered, carrying you away to his bedroom. You sighed in fond exasperation, laying your head against his chest. You condemned his announcement of “I can take Y/N any time I want,” but the fact remained true that he could certainly take you then.

Monday morning. You were growing terribly bored of this big, old house in the middle of nowhere. Spending time with Johnny was nice, when he wasn’t baring his angry possessive side. Although you really liked him, you found yourself wanting some space. And so, when you woke up before Johnny, you left his sleeping form behind, pulled one of his oversized sweaters over your head, and set out to explore the enormous house that had become your confinement.

Nobody else was awake, or so it seemed when you ventured downstairs and poured yourself a glass of juice. You felt itchy, agitated. Even when you settled on the couch, the sense of calm you desired simply refused to fall over you. With an agitated sigh, you advanced throughout the house, exploring the ground floor. You had learned that all the bedrooms were on the first floor, and so you’d been wondering where one specific door led. Off the left of the hallway, aside from the kitchen and living area, and the ground floor bathroom.

The door creaked as you pushed it open, as did the floorboards when you stepped through the threshold. The room was dark, though you identified the furnishings of a study when you squinted your eyes. You moved to the far side of the room, drawing open the heavy red curtains thereby illuminating the space and releasing a cloud of dust at the same time. You waved the cloud away, choking.

There was a sturdy desk, littered with boxes full of clutter, accompanied by a rickety chair that looked like it would fall apart if you put any weight on it. You gasped a silent “wow” as you took in the wall opposite the door, lined with shelves that stretched from floor to ceiling, crammed to the brim with books of every size. You approached the extensive library, examining the titles. You didn’t recognise anything, apart from a few classics, but it was still an impressive collection. You began to wonder whether one of the boys had inherited the property from an older relative - none of them seemed particularly studious or academic, at least not enough to warrant an assortment of books this great. You trailed a finger along the spines, accumulating yet more dust. The books, much like the room in its entirety, had sat untouched for a long time.

“Boo!”

You shrieked, spinning around with your arms raised in defence, only to sigh in relief and clutch your heart. “Donghyuck! You scared me!”

The boy bent in half, in stitches at the fear he’d instilled in you. “I’m sorry! I couldn’t resist!” You couldn’t help but join in with his laughter; it was just so infectious. Even minutes later, you were cackling while wiping tears away from your eyes.

“So,” Donghyuck spoke, as his laughter died down. “What are you doing in here?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, still smiling. “Just exploring, I guess.”

“I don’t think there’s anything interesting in here,” Donghyuck claimed, looking around at the books.

“Really? It seems like hidden treasure to me.” You peered upwards, at the higher shelves, before standing on your tiptoes and stretching upwards, reaching for an eye-catching book with a golden spine.

“Careful,” Donghyuck murmured, placing a hand on the small of your back to steady you as you strained.

You heard Johnny’s growl, a split second before he entered your field of vision, entering the study and shoving Donghyuck away from you.

“Johnny!” you cried, feeling helpless and out of control as he squared up to the younger man.

Donghyuck had his hands raised in surrender, looking at his friend with concern tainting his expression. “Hey, man, calm down,” he attempted to pacify Johnny.

“Stay away from Y/N,” Johnny yelled, right in Donghyuck’s face

You leapt into action, maneuvering your way in between the pair, palm flat on Johnny’s chest. “Johnny, look at me,” you commanded him firmly. There was a fire in his eyes that you didn’t recognise. It flamed, bright and angry, threatening to burn anything and everything in its path. It scared you, and you resisted strongly against the urge to cower before him.

“Come on, Y/N,” he bit, gripping your forearm tightly. Potentially tight enough to bruise.

“Come on where?” you asked, stumbling as you struggled to keep up. He tugged you out of the room and down the hall, as you tried not to trip over your own feet.

“We’re going for a walk. Put your shoes on,” he demanded, arms crossed, waiting for you to obey.

“I- Johnny- What?” you sputtered. “Can I at least go upstairs and get my coat?”

“No,” he denied flatly. You rolled your eyes, slipping into your shoes. Wasting no time, Johnny pulled you out of the house, slamming the door behind you. You followed after him, your heart pounding with a mixture of uncertainty, anxiety, and speechless anger, as he marched you out into the woods, only stopping when you reached a clearing a good distance away from the house.

“Something’s going on between you and Donghyuck,” Johnny stated with hard certainty, as though it were fact. His face was flushed red, veins prominent along his forehead. He looked at you expectantly, but you had no idea what he wanted in response.

You sighed, rubbing your eyes tiredly. You couldn’t help but yell at him. “Johnny, what are you talking about? You’re my boyfriend. I like you. But not when you act like this, Jesus Christ!”

Johnny advanced, closing the gap between you, and you flinched when he regained his grip on your arm. “You need to stay the fuck away from Donghyuck, okay?”

“This is such a huge overreaction!” You tried to struggle away from his grip, but he was far too strong, his will iron.

Johnny leaned in, impossibly even closer to your face. “I brought you here, as my baby, to show you off to all my friends,” he hissed. “And you let them get their grubby little hands on you? I thought better of you, Y/N. I thought you were fucking faithful.”

Your heart raced, pounding wildly with how badly you wanted to get away from him. You didn’t think you could forgive him for this outburst. You just wanted to leave. “You’re fucking insane,” you shouted at him.

Johnny looked disgusted at your words. “Don’t talk to me like that.”

“Me?” you asked incredulously, finally shrugging out of his grasp. “Me, don’t talk to you like that? Listen, Johnny, I’m not your shiny little toy you can show off to your friends. I’m a human being. And you have no right telling me who I can and can’t talk to.”

“Come here.” Johnny was looking at you, his mouth a straight line, his eyes cold.

“Why?”

“Come here,” he repeated, and you hesitantly took a step forward, afraid to disobey him when he spoke in such an angry, demanding voice. Johnny reached out, gripping you by the arm before spinning you round quickly, pulling you close to him. Your chest was pressed tightly against his back, his arm across your chest, locking you in place. You could feel his heavy, ragged breathing.

“I’m not happy, Y/N,” he jeered, whispering into your ear harshly. “You’re my angel, and you’ve upset me. Maybe you aren’t such an angel after all.” You thrashed, but his grasp on you only tightened. “You’re not going anywhere.”

“Johnny, please,” you begged, your voice nothing but a hoarse whimper.

“Let me talk,” he hissed at you. “You’ve hurt me. And I need to show you - I need to hurt you back.”

“What are you- let me go!” You continued to flail in his hold, kicking out your feet but failing to do any real damage to him.

“Shh, it’ll only last a second,” he hushed you, his lips touching your ear and sending shivers down your spine. You felt him fumble behind you, and found an opportunity for escape, but it was no use. His grip on you was iron-tight, unrelenting. Johnny jabbed you in the chest, slightly to the left of your sternum, directly over your banging heart. You looked down, choking on a sob. 

One of Johnny’s pistols, the so-called collectible item, was pressing into your skin.

“Right in the heart, Y/N. That’s where you hurt me.” 

“Johnny, please!” you cried, struggling in vain. Tears blurred your vision, and spit flew from your mouth as you pleaded with him. “Let me go, Johnny, I’m sorry!”

“Goodnight, angel.”

You heard the gunshot before you felt it. In fact, you hardly even felt it at all. There was a bang, your ears rang, and then nothing. You collapsed, falling limp in Johnny’s arms. His angel.

#nct-writers #kpopscape #kdiner #kconnet #unfortunatus: inferno #johnny #johnny suh #johnny seo #johnny x reader #johnny scenarios #johnny angst #nct #nct x reader #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct drabbles #nct dream #nct u #nct 2020 #nct 127 #wayv #nct angst #johnny imagines #johnny fics #kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop drabbles #kpop imagines #kpop x reader #gender neutral reader

[winderlylandchime]

For a "lesbian" u sure do thirst after men a lot......girl.......

For someone on anon u sure do assume you know a lot about me. But while we’re here, let’s clarify a few things:

1. I don’t identify as lesbian. I identify as queer. It’s in the description of my blog, points deducted for lack of attention to detail and poor reading comprehension. Do try to be accurate.

2. Thirsting after (orrrr what... finding some men attractive?) does not define my personal sexual and affectional orientations. That’s between me and my partner(s).

2.5 I can find someone attractive without wanting a sexual or romantic relationship with them. I can find sex between two people hot and a turn on without it being an exact replica of what I enjoy when I fuck.

3. What kind of gatekeeping bullshit is this? Is there a “lesbian” (quotes yours) club I’m not going to be allowed to be a part of because of... my tumblr reblogs? my fanfic? I assure you, anon, that if that club existed, I would have been excluded long long ago.

4. Does it make you uncomfortable for me to find men attractive in the same way that men have talked about and objectified women over the past entirety of history?

5. Interesting that you call me girl as a means of disrespecting me and trying to make me feel less than. Far more interesting than whether I qualify as a “lesbian” (quotes yours) is the misogyny you seem to dislplay here.

6. Men, women, people. I don’t believe a binary system of gender so who the fuck gives a shit whom I thirst after / find attractive. Anything else is TERF/radfem/whatever BS and I don’t stand for it.

7. I don’t care what you think of me. But this ask disrespects my spouse and that shit makes my blood boil.

8. Interesting that you care so very much about me, what label I use for my identity, and whom I find attractive. I encourage you to explore that with a trusted adult.

9. Which reblogs of mine did you find the most offensive for a “lesbian” (quotes yours) to reblog? Two fictional characters from a show that’s been off the air for 15 years (one that’s meaningful to me because my spouse introduced me to QAF when we first started dating - please see point 7)? Two fictional characters that are technically genderless because they are an angel and a demon? Two fictional characters from a movie with a touching love story? Oh or maybe you saw that I reblogged a thirst post with that Teen Wolf guy in the Palm Springs movie? Which I did because I know my friends on this site enjoy him... do you want to question their sexualities as well? The wlw media I enjoy, I reblog as often as passes my dash. Is there a disparity in gender representation in the media? Yes. That topic is probably far more worth your time than me and what labels I use to describe a part of my identity.

10. To quote Walt Whitman (may I quote him? or does that subtract points from being a “lesbian” - quotes yours - ?) “I am large and contain multitudes.”

Congratulations anon, you’re my first rude anon. What a distinction. What a privilege. Future anons, I can’t promise I’ll give this amount of love and attention in the future.

#thatajthings answers #my first rude anon! #awww baby is growing up #pinned

[ihopesocomic]

I watched your review and analysis of a certain animated series and thought that it was very well thought out and had several good points. My question is, if someone, who may or may not be writing from a place of privilege, wanted to write something that deals with LGBTQ+, or disabled characters, or other minorities, how should they do it? Are there maybe bets readers out there that can point out "hey, this character doing X is actually really shitty and maybe they shouldn't do that if you want to portray them in Y way. Maybe they should do this instead"?

Your character and their personality must always, ALWAYS come BEFORE their sexuality. You shouldn’t make a character based around homosexuality, bisexuality and so on. Create your character how you wish first and then have things like their sexuality and gender identity come later. Adamant, for example, never started out as LGBT+. We always intended for her to be the annoying, bratty lil sister... the fact that she’s bisexual came much later down the road. Establish your character first so they’re more ‘real’ and believable as characters as opposed to just stereotypes or pieces of tokenism.  As for characters with disabilities, I personally feel that you should treat them how you’d treat an actual disabled individual, if that makes sense? Don’t baby them, don’t fall into the trap of making them the standout, “weak” member of the cast and do NOT romanticise their suffering and abuse for the sake of plot. Have a resolution and a payoff for that sort of thing. Make their disability a natural part of their growth as a person. Especially if they were born with their disability. Don’t take one disabled individual’s word over another, though. We all deal with things differently and there are SO many conditions out there that affect us differently as well. I highly recommend watching videos from disabled YTers, as they’re very enlightening and each story is different. There are also plenty of blogs from disabled individuals out there too. Just do your homework and put in the research and you’re doing your part to make respectful representation. 

As for your last question: people who are LGBT+ and/or disabled are not unproblematic angels. We’re human. We have flaws. We do shitty things sometimes. To put us on this pedestal to try and portray us as “perfect” is actually what’s known as “inspiration porn” and it objectifies disabled individuals and also fuels the idea that disabled individuals should be regarded with pity, which is an ableist way of thinking because why should our accomplishments be regarded as ‘different’ to that of someone who is able-bodied and neurotypical?:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inspiration_porn 

I get it a lot when I talk about my disabilities and the fact that I have a degree and did a year of an MA. People are kinda like ‘wow1!!!1 you’ve done so well for yourself!!′ in a babying tone of voice and it’s extremely awkward and embarrassing. Being disabled =/= being completely and utterly helpless and incompetent.  Now, if you have the able-bodied, neurotypical characters being unproblematic, undisputed good guys and idk somebody with paranoid schizophrenia as a bad guy: that’s a problem. Mental illness or physical disabilities shouldn’t be used as a go-to motive for evil, inhumane actions. It’s not a suitable motive in rl so it shouldn’t be in fiction, if you get me?  Same goes portraying an LGBT+ character as outright diabolical. Let’s use Moonstrike from MP as an example: they’ve been hyped as this “LGBT+ friendly” show’s trans representation for several months and what does the show have them doing? They have them advocate baby killing. Not just baby killing, but the killing of a beloved character of the show that the audience is very fond of. I’ve seen MP fans argue that this is fine because “LGBT+ individuals aren’t meant to be perfect” like OK? But there’s ‘not being perfect’ and then there’s being a baby killer. This is especially egregious when this is your main trans representation that you’ve hyped for the last few months.  I’m very sorry if this explanation is all jumbled and all over the place but it all boils down to one simple fact: don’t make any of these traits (being LGBT+, being disabled) as THE defining character trait of your character. There’s a lot more to an individual than those things. 

#ask #ask us stuff

[emachinescat]

II've decided to watch MacGyver from the beginning (again), and I'm live tweeting the experience with every tweet tagged with #savemacgyver. I thought it would be fun to share my collected thoughts from the episodes on here as well.

My Thoughts on S1E3, "Awl"

You're not only going to make it to 30, Mac, but you're going to make it to season 6. #savemacgyver

I love that Jack's bucket list includes finishing the Harry Potter books. Guess he's not a one-trick pony after all with sci-fi. A healthy blend of science fiction and fantasy is just what the doctor ordered.

Dylan Thomas reference! That poem was written about the poet's own father, and is about how everyone, no matter who they are or what they stand for, fights against death in the end. He's begging his dad to "rage, rage against the dying of the light," to not give in to death so easily, to keep fighting. Just taught this poem, actually, so I'm vibing with this reference super hard. Though to be fair, I'd be vibing with it anyway. Love Dylan Thomas.

Oh my gosh, this is the one with the fire extinguisher and inflatable escape! I'd forgotten which episode that came from, but I see GIFs of it all over Tumblr. Poor Mac especially, that looks like it hurts. Why is Lucas Till so good at being whumped?!

Jack hugging the fire extinguisher: Iconic.

I'll never get tired of seeing that polar bear! Do we know if he has a name?

I cannot get over how small and excited Bozer is, not a care in the world except for his movie. It's exciting to think about what's to come for his character growth, though I do wish he wouldn't have to go through all the things he does. :(

Jack's conversations with his dad at the grave are just everything. And I feel cheated that we haven't gotten to see Mac have the same kind of conversations at Jack's grave (though I firmly believe it's a regular occurrence off-screen).

Seriously, the way he talks to his dad is so familiar, so comfortable, so natural. It's like Daddy Dalton is right there with him and it fills me with so many emotions that I can't even.

The smile on Jack's face and the pride in his voice when he talks about Mac to his dad is the purest thing ever.

Also, that's a big-ass tombstone Jack is leaning against.

"Hi, Mr. Dalton. How's... life?" MAC! 😂

I can't tell you how much I love it when other characters talk about how smart Mac is. "He's a genius..."

First mention of Mac's dad. It's sweet how invested Jack is in Mac rebuilding his relationship with his old man. Also, I really wish we would have gotten a flashback of Jack's dad at some point. He seems like such an amazing man.

"If I could have one more day to sit and talk to my dad instead of that hunk of rock, I'd do anything." Jaaaaaaack 😭😭😭

Good old Ralph Kastrati. Single-handedly the most annoying character in all of cable television. Y'all have no idea what you're getting into with this one, dream team.

PUNCHFACE.

"My mom dated a guy like that once." Ouch. I'm about to start a Riley Zinger Counter for each episode. Her comebacks are 🔥

It's not just his face, Jack. Everything about this dude is punchable. Especially the way he says "yo."

Ewwww tightie whities no thanks imma head hom now byyye

Mac just snatched that can right out of Jack's hand as he was about to take a drink. Classic.

If I didn't hate Ralph before (spoiler: I did), then I extra hate him for the foie gras comment.

Yes, Jack, "asshat" is the perfect descriptor for this guy.

Is Mac seriously about to just make him some noise-canceling headphones? Who am I kidding? Of course he is.

I need more of Mac punching people in the face. For science.

Poor Jack didn't get to punch the punch face.

🎵 Snipers gonna snipe, snipe, snipe, snipe, snipe 🎵

Between the foie gras and the calfskin, they are really making this guy so easy to hate just sayin'.

"As soon as you're done saving his life, I'm gonna kill him, you hear that, smart-ass? I'm already dressed for the funeral." 🤣🤣🤣🤣

"He's g-good. He just... got kinda shot." Is that the medical terminology, Mac?

Jack using country music as a form of torture 🤣

"You're going to be seeing Yelp stars if you don't shut up!"

Have I mentioned how much I love the music in this show?

"I don't wanna die listening to country music!"

I love how bossy and grabby Mac gets when he improvises.

Another belt grab! I can’t get over Jack trying to keep his crazy partner from falling out of the window – it gives me life!

Actually makes me wonder if he does it because Mac’s taken a tumble out of a car window before. *fanfic brain engaged*

“You know how I feel about your puns.” C’mon, Mac, pus are the greatest forms of humor, bar-pun. (Geddit?)

Mc made a C in biology? I’m not buying it.

Dwwwwwww the sounds of the surgery. No thanks.

Though I will say this is one of the coolest (albeit grossest) things Mac’s ever done on this show.

What the heck is with that elevator door? It took a whole 10 years to close! I wouldn’t trust it. (To be fair, I don’t trust any elevator, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Sir Bleeds-a-Lot lol

Riley stepping in and taking charge once again. No idea how these two functioned before she came along.

Some seriously cool MacGyverisms in this episode. The whole process of “killing” Ralph and bringing him back with office supplies is so OG MacGyver and it gives me all the warm fuzzies.

Ralph: “You’re not a scientist, you’re not a doctor. So how the hell do you know all this stuff?” Mac: “...I read a lot of books?” I love Mac so much.

“Now go die.” Lolololol

The moment with Ralph wanting to call his mom and grow the hell up is surprisingly genuine and heartbreaking. Character development for a character in only one episode, hello, is that you?

“He’s dead, but he’ll get better.” MacGyver, 2016

Riley’s comeback about Jack’s plan to take out six guys if Mac takes out two is another winner. (Riley: 2, Jack: 0) Still, I love the whole, “Sure it does [count as a plan]. First, I’ll take two. Then, I’ll take the other four.” This is why Mac is the plan guy, not Jack.

“Or I can take them all out.” Mac’s confidence = 🔥

I might need to start a Mac sass counter too. Jack: “You seriously want me to put this on my face?” Mac: “Only if you like breathing.”

Jack’s left fist getting jealous 🤣

They really liked choking Mac in the early episodes, didn’t they? Not that I’m complaining. Actually, why did that stop? That strangled, panicked cry of “JACK?!” is music to my fanfic writing, hurt/comfort obsessed, whump-loving soul.

That cough - it actually hurts me to hear it! They should have given us some more repercussions or aftercare for Mac breathing in that gas!

Ralph fell asleep. Of course.

“You know, it’s weird. I’m glad he’s alive… but I still want to kill him. 🤣 I’m with Jack on this one!

Ralph: “A fresh start. I could use one of those right?” Riley: “Or a whole new personality.” ZZZING!!! Riley: 1 million, the world: -10

Oh he did not just call Riley “little hottie.” I’m back to wanting to kill him, character development be darned. So diminutive, dehumanizing, and objectifying. This guy has more than won the douchebag lottery. Riley can more than stick up for herself, but still. The way he speaks to her here makes me feel all kinds of gross.

He just said “ya heard” unironically. Can we let Jack punch him now, please?

Jack offering to let Ralph keep the cash he lifted if he gets to punch him is great, but even better is Mac and Riley offering to chip in money for The Cause.

Oh, yeah, Bozer was in this episode. I’m excited for when he is utilized more!

Bozer’s monster Mac is nightmare fuel!

“A letter? That you put in the mail? It’s 2016.” Hey, as someone who has an actual, old-school type pen pal, step off, Jack.

Mac: “You just gonna watch?” Jack, offended: “Not anymore.” How is it Jack is like Mac’s dad but they also bicker like 5-year-olds? This relationship is so strange, so wonderful, and the heart of the show in so many ways. I love them.

Mac’s words of wisdom about the nature of life are actually super encouraging and exactly what I needed to hear today.

I’d forgotten how much I love this episode – t’s so fun! Although the Codex storyline in season 4 is probably my favorite plot-wise, coming back to these early episodes is like a breath of fresh air! Excellent, excellent episode with so much to offer!

What are your thoughts on "Awl?" I'd love to discuss! :)

#macgyver #jack dalton #riley davis #wilt bozer #macgyver rewatch #my thoughts #episode review #save macgyver #we can still save our show #emcatreviews #spoilers #s1e3 #awl

[xmanicpanicx]

Romanticized Things That Aren't Actually Romantic

1) The "shut up" kiss

It happens in more movies, TV shows, and novels than I can even count. One half of the couple (usually a woman or girl) will be talking, and the other person (usually a guy) will suddenly lay an ol’ sloppy one on her mouth. Often times, she’s rambling about her insecurities, so some people think it’s cute when he kisses her, symbolically laying her worries to rest. Don’t worry, hon! There’s nothing to be insecure about! He likes you! There are two big problems with this. The first is that when someone is speaking, you shouldn’t cut them off; best case scenario, it’s rude. Of course, people cut each other off all the time in conversation, so that’s different. But when a character interrupts another character’s speech to kiss them, they are essentially prioritizing their sexual desires over the other person’s need to express themselves. It’s an action that has an agenda. Everyone wants to be truly listened to when they speak. So if, for example, we have a female character babbling about her insecurities, the male character should hear her out, and then respond to what she says. There is plenty of romantic potential in words — even more than in kisses, in my opinion. His response could still be a kiss after she’s finished speaking (as long as it’s not a rattlesnake-strike type of kiss that doesn’t give her a choice). However, we still have another problem: the female character’s self-confidence shouldn’t be contingent upon the male character’s opinion of her. In other words, a kiss from a guy, no matter how much she loves him, will not and should not heal her negative perception of herself. Not healthy. Real people and characters should accept themselves on their own terms rather than on the approval of others.

Sometimes, the sudden kiss will come in the middle of a female character’s angry rant. The male character thinks she’s cute or sexy when she’s angry, which can be frustrating and patronizing for anyone who voices their anger because they want to be listened to and taken seriously. But regardless of why the character is talking, the other character should stop kissin’ and start listenin’.

2) Female double standards

Women and girls often feel really uncomfortable when men objectify them and make comments on their bodies, so they call these men out — and rightfully so. They also call male authors out for only describing women in terms of their bodies and giving them very little, if any, personality. Once again, rightfully so. Unfortunately, in real life and in literature, there is a double standard here. It’s one thing to write an erotic novel in which bodies of every gender are described in explicit detail and with an express purpose. But I’ve read novels without any sexual content that go into so much detail about guys’ looks. And these male characters are often not well-developed, either (think of the stereotypical jock with a hot bod and no brain). Authors — especially female authors, who are usually the ones perpetuating this — need to do better than this. If it's not okay to do that to girls, it's not okay to do that to guys, either. Also, what is up with that scene from The Notebook? The one where Rachel McAdams repeatedly slaps Ryan Gosling because he’s breaking up with her. How on Earth is that okay? The Notebook is widely considered to be a super-romantic movie, but there is nothing romantic about that scene, and it should be a deal-breaker for their relationship. If the tables were turned and Ryan Gosling slapped Rachel McAdams for breaking up with him, the entire plot of the movie would be different. It would be a thriller, a story about a woman trying to escape a scary ex. We would never root for the two of them to get back together.

3) Overly-metaphorical sex scenes

Cheese, cheese, and more cheese. Would you like some crust and tomato sauce with all that cheese? So many novels shy away from the anatomical details and favor metaphors for how the sex makes the characters (or just the narrating character) feel. In theory, there is nothing wrong with this, but I personally tend to roll my eyes more often than not at the actual execution. The narrator will say something too dramatic, like “our bodies became one and the universe opened up before me.” Or “and then we were flying, soaring with and through one another.” Or something else that is just… not sexy. As far as being poetic, there isn’t anything special about those phrases, either. There is nothing wrong with describing sex as it really is. I realize that novels featuring sex that are aimed at young adults probably cannot describe things too explicitly, but there’s no need to replace dirty details with flowery language. Go for whatever sincerity you can in the situation. There are plenty of different emotions to mine and sensual details leading up to the actual sex that read more thrillingly than the sex scene itself. 

4)  Instalove

It's simply not as much fun to see characters fall for each other right away. And how could they possibly fall for each other right away, anyhow? Is it all about looks? If so, both characters are instantly less likable because they're shallow. And that's not real love, either. You need to actually know someone in order to feel a such a deep emotion for them.

It's also important to note that making the characters "love" each other at the outset of the story does not heighten the emotional stakes. It actually cheapens them. Because how can we take this so-called love seriously when we don't get to know, don't get to care about, the characters as individual people before they fall for each other?

Now, if we get to know each character and watch them get to know each other, and slowly fall for each other, that's much more rewarding.  It's character growth, and it's a whole process that we, as readers, get to experience vicariously though them.

This may just be a personal preference, but I think it's best to even avoid phrases like “my heartbeat skipped” or “my skin tingled when our hands brushed” in the beginning stages of the story. Even though the declarations of love and outright displays off affection may come later on, statements like these reveal instant attraction, which still isn't as rewarding as attraction that grows over time and through events.

5) Love interests being obsessed with each other

From approximately 2005-2015, YA literature saw a horde of books featuring teenage girls and boys who are everything to each other. I almost mean that literally. The first really popular book like this was Twilight, but it had a huge influence on everything in YA that came after, especially YA fantasy. How romantic, some people think, that hero lives for the heroine! And vice versa! Perfect! Meant to be! Everyone wishes they could have that one, true, perfect love! 

Listen. Go back to Britney Spears’s first album and play the song “Born to Make You Happy”: ”I don’t know how to live without your love, I was born to make you happy.” Solid 90s bubblegum pop, but with unhealthy lyrics. An unhealthy mentality. Most of us are familiar with that heady, all-consuming feeling of falling in love, how it feels like that’s the best and happiest part of life as it’s happening. There’s nothing wrong with portraying that. It’s relatable. The glorification of it beyond all else is the problem. The hero and heroine have scares throughout the story during which they almost lose each other, and that brings to light just how strongly they feel each other, to the extreme that nothing matters except each other. Then, of course, they ultimately end up together, happily ever after, never having to part again. But in real life, people break up, or sometimes even die. People have no choice but to be apart from the person they loved so much from then on. And it’s devastating, but it’s not the end, even if it sometimes feels like it. That’s why it’s so important for books to give some indicator that there are other things that matter besides (and dare I say even more than) the one person the hero/heroine is in love with. The characters have to have some sense of self-love or resilience. They have to have other people they care about, or at least values/principles and goals. They have to be an actual person, not just a vessel filled to the brim with love for just one other person. Romanticizing a co-dependent relationship can be hope-crushing message, especially for teenagers who haven’t had enough time to grow, to weather the storm of life and toughen up and become wiser and more self-aware and self-confident. 

7) The super dominant male love interest 

Okay, I’m not trying to kink-shame anyone because I know there are people who absolutely love this trope. I want to say it’s fine, as long as it remains in Tropeland. But even if women want to keep these love interests solely within their fantasies, I do worry about the message it sends to men, if it makes them think that they can be abusive douchebags because women are into that. I already know of far too many men who think that women are only into assholes. 

Personally, I’ll never understand the appeal of a man, fictional or otherwise, who dictates what a woman should wear, her food choices, where they go and what they do for dates ALL THE TIME. And jealousy! Sure, jealousy indicates that someone cares, and it’s a normal human emotion, but I’ll never understand the appeal of a guy who gets so jealous, he won’t allow his girlfriend any freedom. I’ll never understand how cruel, disparaging words could ever be on the same sexiness level as dirty talk. And I really, really will never understand how a man physically harming a woman could be considered sexy. It’s weak and cowardly, hurting someone who doesn’t stand a chance of fighting back because they’re nowhere near as strong.

I get the appeal of a guy who sees a woman as his equal and isn’t afraid to spar with her, challenge her, and maybe even be a little bit rough with her, knowing that she can handle it. I see the appeal of a confident man who isn’t afraid to tell a woman what he wants. When his presence becomes legitimately threatening and completely selfish, that’s when I personally see a problem. But hey, to each their own.

#writing #writing advice #ya fiction #writing rants #writing rambles