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nyxvuxoa · 3 years

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Dating Billy would include:

Billy Loomis x Fem!Reader

- T/W: 18+ Smutty and slight murder stuff about having a Slasher boyfriend. A hybristophilia point of view. If this isn't your thing, I would suggest not reading it. - A/N: Trying my hand at some Billy stuff. I won't lie, not feeling too confident in my writing recently. I may write one of these for Stu and then one for dating both of them at the same time. We will see how this one goes. I made this gif myself. Requests are open!

Let's talk m u r d e r. Because let's face it, it's going to come up with Billy.

At first, it was just him poking around with you to see what you were able to handle.

It started off with slasher fics and when he saw how excited you got about some of them (or maybe even turned on, if it's your thing) he decided to poke around a little more.

Then he started asking questions and seeing, "just for fun", how you would kill someone.

Eventually, he admitted to you the things he and Stu had been doing.

While he expected to have to kill you because of having told you, he was actually relieved when you were actually open about the subject.

From that point on you were his girl and no one else was going to get ahold of you.

The fact that he could brag about what they were doing to someone, and they enjoyed it as much as he did, is a serious turn-on for him.

Eventually, Billy wants to take you with the two of them, but he has to work it out with Stu first (who is starting to feel a little jealous of you for "getting between" him and his best friend).

For now, in between his 'extracurricular activities, his focus is you.

Especially since Sidney has pushed away from him, for obvious reasons.

You learn that Billy is actually a pretty sexual guy. Which is expected of him and his age, he's got the sex drive of an animal.

What he couldn't get from Sidney, he gets from you.

He's got a thing for submissive and problematic girls.

The kinkier you are, the better.

He's all about binding you and using you like a fuck toy.

But at the same time, he's the type of guy that will bind you up while you two are just hanging out and watching a movie.

He just really like the idea of you being tied up.

Knifeplay is right up his alley.

Especially after he's killed, someone. That knife will still have some blood on it and he wants to run the blade against your nude skin.

There is an appeal to the fact that you trust him enough with a knife to let him get that close enough with it.

Sometimes he's making sure he keeps some of the blood on himself for you.

He's all about going in bareback.

"But baby, it feels better that way. You want me to feel you better right?"

And you fall for it.

You are addicted to him cumming in you though, so you learned to not argue about wearing a condom.

Slasher fics and chill are a daily thing at this point.

He will go and rent horror movies to have on in the background while he's fucking you on the couch.

Or better yet in his eyes, while you are sucking his cock.

When you can't see him for whatever reason, phone sex has become a thing between you two.

He loves to tease you over the phone and listen to you try and keep quiet about wanting to moan for him.

You love the fact that he can go from stabbing someone to touching you the next minute. And he loves it too.

Let's face it, you are the Bonnie to his Clyde.

He's going to be rather possessive of you and he's going to show it. Everything from hickies on your neck and chest to his arms around you in public.

If he has a way of showing that you are his, he's going to show it.

He's not really a flowers and chocolate kind of guy, but that's okay, you are probably not that kind of girl.

His idea of romance is a trip to the movies and maybe something to eat after.

He's terrible at handling problems sometimes though. While he will listen to whatever is wrong, he's not really going to always be attentive to it.

Unless he feels like it's going to affect him.

And heaven forbid he catches on to someone hitting on you.

"I will rip out their fucking lungs."

And needless to say, that tends to happen.

He would happily rack up a body count for you.

Arguments with Billy can be rather intense. You are usually at each other's throats.

But these fights can lead to some of the best makeup sex. He can get rather passionate when it comes to making up.

Billy will grab your arm and pull you into a kiss, asking if you’re alright and apologizing so sweetly.

You fall for it because let's face it, you are crazy about him and he's just as crazy about you.

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mossybank · 3 years

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Monachopsis — K. W.

request: not requested —based off of this post @kitwalker02

summary: Y/N starts to get insecure at a get together, Kit offers them comfort.

Kit Walker x GN!Reader

Monachopsis: the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place

Y/N hadn't been out in a while, in between their job and the general messiness of life, they just hadn't been able to find time for themself. So, with that in mind, a get together with their friends didn't seem like such a bad idea. Unfortunately, this little get together seemed to greatly exceed with ten guest limit Y/N had been told about, their friends house packed and full of chatter. It almost reminded them of a high-school party, something Y/N had long grown out of, and they just couldn't stand it.

They were left alone with this distain for a few minutes, leaning against a wall and hoping it would swallow them up, till Kit returned to them. In his hands, he held two cups,

"Most of the stuff they're giving out looked like toxic waste so I got you water." He said, smiling. Y/N couldn't dispute those claims, some of the drinks they'd seen looking like someone had drained a highlighter into a glass.

They thanked Kit and took the glass with a slightly shakey hand knuckling paling from how tightly they gripped it.

"Some 'get together', huh?" Kit tries to make light of the situation, starting to sense Y/N's discomfort.

"Yeah.. But you know how people get.. Nobodies seen each other in a while, probably got a bit invite happy." Y/N's voice wavered and they looked around the room, everyone else seemed so happy and it made them feel bad for not being able to enjoy themself.

Giving Y/N a sympathetic look, Kit sighed and placed a soft hand on their shoulder, walking them out of the room.

"It's no problem if you want to leave, Sugar." He reassures, placing his drink down on the nearest flat surface so that he could use both hands.

"We can go home, rent a movie.." He rubs Y/N's shoulders and they give an unsure shrug.

With Kit so close to them, Y/N could easily smell his cologne—it was cheap and didn't do much in the way of masking the smell of oil that clung to Kit from work. They rested their head against his chest and sighed.

Truthfully, Y/N didn't know what they wanted to do,

"I mean, surely it'd just be rude to leave now, and I mean, it took us so long to find a babysitter for the kids!" It was weird to protest something that they didn't hate the idea of, but Y/N wasn't thinking rationally right. Their head was filled with the thoughts of others at the party; they'd all done so much and had no problems bragging about it, but Y/N on the other hand was just... Y/N.

"The babysitter won't mind if we come home early, we payed her in advance, if anything she'd be overjoyed; extra money for less work." Kit took their hand, "Look, doll, whatever it is you want to do, I'm here for you and I support you, okay? If you want to go home that's more than okay, if you want to stay and mingle that's absolutely fine too."

Those were the kinds of words Y/N needed to hear, a small smile ghosted upon their face and they looked up to meet Kit's eyes,

"I guess there's this new movie I've been wanting to watch.." They faltered for a second, looking down the hall where everybody else was, before looking back to Kit and regaining themself, "And nothing beats a night in with my best boy."

"Yeah?" Kit's right hand grazes Y/N's face, stroking their cheek, and he leans down to peck their forehead, "Then let's get you home, Sugar."

In some ways, Y/N was a little disappointed to miss their friends party, but on the other hand, nothing could beat an anxiety-free night in with the one and only Kit Walker.

#wasnt sure how to end this #might do another fic later on which is the aftermath of this (like watching the film and further comfort at home)#kit walker x reader #American horror story x reader #Ahs x reader #Evan Peters x reader #American horror story #Ahs #Kit walker #Evan Peters #One shot #Imagine #Drable #Headcanons #Headcannons #Gender neutral reader #Not requested

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newhologram · 3 years

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I've been doing some thinking and realizing just how far back this all goes. Those of you who know me and my family IRL may have a hard time believing the emotional abuse and gaslighting because whenever you've met them, they seemed fine. They may have even bragged about me to you which made you think that they thought very highly of me. They also may have neglected to inform you that I have been disabled by chronic illness the past 10 years (many of my other family members had no idea until they spoke to me personally. It's... really fucking weird? To just not tell anyone that your offspring is in bed all day in horrible pain and constantly at the doctor/ER?). Unfortunately this is also part of the gaslighting, putting on a persona of parental perfection so that no one believes me when I try to talk about it. Instead people, even within my family, make excuses for the abuse and say that I should just be grateful. Behind closed doors it's always been very different. In the event that me processing this in private spaces gets out to them (which WILL endanger me): This isn't about *~exposing~* or *~revenge~* or *~punishment~*, it's about putting the pieces together and saying, yeah, I'm right to finally put my foot down about the way I have been treated. This is my experience. This is my trauma. I'm finally claiming that after a lifetime of being told that these experiences and my pain around them are apparently "not real" (gaslighting). By talking about this, I am not victimizing myself, but empowering myself. Because none of this treatment was ever my fault. None of it was ever deserved. And none of this is to be blamed on my "response" to abuse. I hope that by talking about this I can paint a picture of the dynamic and inspire investigation into the health of your own family dynamics too. "But they're family" is literally what enables this kind of abuse to continue. And I'm done. My health and survival is more important than upholding a toxic family system. They're learning that the hard way, finally. I don't think my family members are bad people. I truly do love and care for them. They have some amazing qualities. They love animals and they've come a long way to now being LGBTQ+ allies even if they don't always use the right words. But they have a lot of flaws that most likely come from their own trauma... But these aren't just self-contained flaws. Because I am the one who will be undoing the damage for the rest of my life. I don't know if they will ever go to therapy themselves, but I certainly won't be waiting around for them to work on themselves if it means I'm going to continue to be mistreated and re-traumatized. - It's always been this way but things definitely got worse in my home when I became disabled (possibly bc it triggered insecurities in them?). Both parents ignored me to my face all my life. I'd say or ask something, and there'd be no response most of the time. If I said, "hey, I'm talking to you, that's rude" they would blow up at me about "WHAT. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY. I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND OKAY I HAVE MY OWN LIFE". This happened even when I was a literal child. I grew up believing that nothing I had to say was worth hearing and that if they ignored me that it was because I was unimportant and annoying. But if I ignore them or take too long to respond because I'm thinking, they scold me me about being rude, that they are my parents and I need to respect them. My emotions and pain have been invalidated since I was a child too. I would get picked up from afterschool care, or my bully's house, and of course I'd be crying from enduring a day of bullying. I would say, "I didn't do anything to them, it's not fair." And my dad's response was always, "WELL GUESS WHAT LIFE'S NOT FAIR. WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE AN ADULT IN THE REAL WORLD." He has continued to say this to me on a regular basis whenever I am struggling, either with work, friends, relationships, a death, or my chronic illnesses. I wonder why he has never considered my world to be real? Why is my reality not real to him? What

makes that even more painful is that I was still sent day after day to the school where I was bullied, to afterschool care with my bullies, and to my bullies' homes. No matter how much I was always crying when they picked me up, they just kept sending me back. And then a few of my dad's girlfriend's had children who bullied me too. I literally could never escape it. If it wasn't that, his response to me crying about something would be, "YOU HAVE NOTHING TO CRY ABOUT. YOU'RE LIVING THE LIFE OF LUXURY HERE, YOU DON'T PAY RENT! JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE OUT THERE HAVING REAL PROBLEMS!" Again, he said this to me when I was a 24 year old who was suddenly in the span of a year so disabled that I could barely work. I was scared for my future, because I had taken the time to educate myself about my illnesses, and I knew that things were going to be hard for me. What I needed was support, not "tough love" and emotional invalidation. I was also scared of the situation I am in now. I was scared that I was going to be too sick to afford to move out and that by age 30 I would still be stuck at home with a parent who did not see my reality, my pain, as real. I am living that and it's not fun. Whenever I tried to talk to him about this invalidation, it just turned into a fight, because he refuses to admit the things that he said, and says things like "That's a You Problem" which he has said since I was a child in response to him hurting my feelings. I have always thought it was worth the effort to communicate to my loved ones this sort of issue, because that's what I was taught at school. If there's an issue, you talk about it. But my family doesn't believe that I guess. - When I first got sick, I was throwing up a lot. It had built up over several years since I was 19 but then after I was officially diagnosed with my Big 4 (colitis/fibro/ME/narcolepsy) I started having really dangerous vomiting attacks. The first attack I had lasted 6 days. I lost 12lbs. I overheard my dad complaining on the phone to a friend that I was keeping him up all night throwing up. I felt so bad for bothering him, I had learned to value his comfort over mine. But after the third day of nonstop vomiting, I told my dad I needed to go to the ER, that something was wrong. He sighed and rolled his eyes and said I didn't need to go. He was so annoyed with me for being sick. I was completely pale. I hadn't eaten anything. I could barely keep water down. I argued but he wouldn't listen. I went back to throwing up, at this point just dry-heaving. A while later I said, "I'm taking myself to the ER." I grabbed my car keys and my dad stopped me. He said, "That's ridiculous, you aren't driving yourself to the ER, I'll do it." But he still wouldn't take me for some reason. I don't know if he just didn't want to pay the copay or what. But I was literally trapped. I tried to fight it and said, "If you're going to take me, then take me. If not, let me take myself." I kept throwing up for three more days before he finally agreed to take me. The ER was packed so I ended up going to urgent care, where the nurse scolded me. She said I really should've gone to the ER after the third day of vomiting. She said that if I had gone a 7th day I could have collapsed. I didn't know how to tell her that I had tried. She asked where my family was and I said my dad had to go to work so he had just dropped me off. She had tears in her eyes and she held my hand. She said, "he should be here with you." THAT is how sick I was. That year, I went to the ER three more times. Each time I would be sobbing and ashamed of myself just for bothering my dad and for him having to pay the copay since I was too sick to earn the money myself. Again, that's how little I had learned to value myself and my health. By my birthday that year, I was suicidal from this shame. A few months later, in the new year, I started having vomiting attacks again. My dad stood over me while I was hunched over the toilet gagging and he said something I will never be able to forget, "You need to snap out of it

because I can't go through this again." He was the victim of my illness. He was the victim of my pain. This year was when my dad told me that he and his gf had been "talking" and that they had decided it was "time for me to be independent". He said they'd even help me find an apartment. I cried and said, "Dad, I'm sick. I've been so sick the past year. How am I supposed to afford even splitting rent with a roommate when I'm in bed in a neckbrace all day long?" and his response was, "But your dad needs his bachelor pad." I couldn't even identify what I was feeling. I was so shocked. Did he really think having the apartment to himself so he could have girls over was more important? But he was always telling me that I was the most important person in his life. I was so confused.

He gave me a time frame to move out and I was terrified. I thought my life was over. But most of all, I thought, "it's not fair to my dad that I'm sick." I thought so little of myself and my pain because that is what I learned as a kid. I blamed myself for not being "strong enough" to power through these debilitating illnesses. I blamed myself for my dad's money troubles. I literally could not live with myself knowing that my dad had to support me. I was so ashamed that I learned to vomit quietly so that he wouldn't notice. I was in a constant state of suicidality for several years after this. And it's no wonder, because year after year my dad has barged into my room to harass me about "it's time to be a Real Adult! It's time for you to Contribute to the household! You need to Make Money! I'm HEMORRHAGING money supporting you! I'm having to use my savings!" and because I was too sick to do this, I felt like a complete failure who did not deserve to live. I was self-harming constantly because I hated myself for "doing this" to my father. He had convinced me that I was the villain. I would start freaking out about money, forcing myself to work even if it meant vomiting literally on set (and almost being sent home bc of it, but I insisted I was fine to work). But I still couldn't make enough to afford my medical expenses. So I would shame-spiral and be suicidal again and then suddenly the story would change. My dad did a complete 180 and said, "Why are you even worried about money? We're doing fine. Even if I didn't have to support you, it wouldn't make that big of a difference in the money that I spend on this household. Don't worry about it." And then as soon as bills were due, he was back to telling me that I needed to make money. Back to saying we spent too much money on food despite me not eating that much. Back to refusing to try shopping somewhere cheaper when I suggested ways to save money. When I brought this up to my therapist back then, she said, "He's giving you mixed messages. Maybe you should bring this up to him so he realizes he's doing it." But when I did bring it up, of course my dad denied doing this and called me ungrateful even as I worked two jobs. When I eventually got a third job (fucking up my health more) to pay off my medical debt, my dad patted my back and told me how proud he was. When I told my therapist that he denied it, she suggested I bring him in so she could help us communicate. When I asked him to come with me to therapy, he got angry and said, "I am NOT going to therapy with you, that is ridiculous." But even with those 3 jobs it still wasn't enough and I was constantly being pulled between "YOU HAVE TO MAKE MONEY RIGHT NOW END OF THE WORLD" and "uhh why are you even worried about money, you need to work your mindset..." When bugged about money I would ask, "What else do you want me to do? I'm working 3 jobs. I'm not hiding money from you. I'm sending you everything that is leftover after I pay my own bills. I've even been buying a lot of my own food, I've been living off ramen and cans of ravioli." And he never had an answer except "just make more money." -- Now to the dynamic I'm currently living in. My dad moved his gf and her dog in without talking to me about it to see if it was going to impact my health. She was only supposed to stay here for maybe 4-5 days while she figured out a new home situation. But when I asked my dad about it in the days leading up to her arrival, suddenly the answer was "oh, she's staying indefinitely." I had no say in it. But we had a talk about what I needed to make this work. I said to my dad that the most important thing was that I have some scheduled quiet time. If I'm recording content or editing audio, I'm going to need quiet that morning so I can get my work done. If I'm resting, I need there to not be shouting or slamming doors happening in the house. He assured me that this was fine and that it'd all be easy for the three of us. The first weekend she was moved in, I let my dad know that I was editing audio that morning and needed

some quiet. He was cheerful and said, "No problem!" I thought wow, this is different. This is nice! This is going to be great for my productivity and health. As soon as I started editing, his gf was blasting music in the kitchen (right next to my room) and they were both laughing and talking loudly just a few steps away from my door. I thought, okay, we talked about this. But I'll just power through. When I was done, I went to my dad and said in a calm manner, "Hey, so this morning I let you know ahead of time that I was editing audio but there was still a ton of music and stuff in the kitchen, so it made it take a lot longer for me." His eyes immediately went dark. He put on an angry parent voice and said, "Okay, I am about to pop. I have enough going on without worrying about making too much noise for you." I said, calmly still, "We talked about this, though, and you assured me it wasn't a problem that I needed this quiet time for editing. So I'm not sure what to do. I'm just letting you know that there was still loud music right next to my room even though we had talked about it." He responded, "Then you need to be more specific because I don't know what you're doing in there." I corrected, "But I told you this morning that I was going to be editing audio and you said it was no problem to have some quiet in the kitchen while I did so." He got more aggressive, "No, you need to be more specific." Again, "I was specific. I told you the time frame that I was going to be editing audio in. You said you understood. I don't know what else to do to fix this other than by openly communicating to you about it." I started crying because--I mean, uhh?? This is gaslighting. I couldn't believe that mere hours after I had specifically told my dad that I was editing audio and that he had assured me it was no problem to have some quiet, that he was accusing me of not telling him what I needed, and that he had not agreed to it or something. Like wtf. He got nastier and blamed me for his stress. But me crying triggered his guilt so he tried to soothe himself by hugging me like he does and I pulled away. I tried to emphasize to him that I'm not just making content for fun. I'm literally trying to make money and contribute to the household like he has told me I need to do for the past 8 years. And when he disrupts my editing process, it just makes it take longer, and it makes it harder for me to earn extra money. His gf was also super rude to me when I tried to be friendly and have a conversation with her. I was telling her about how great it felt to have my sister initiate a conversation about my gender identity and she interrupted me (like she does constantly) to say, "YOU KNOW YOUR SISTER DOESN'T ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT, RIGHT?" (wtf...) After this, I didn't speak to them for three days. I was feeling the urge to self-harm that whole weekend and all I could do was stay in bed crying after that. I knew if I spoke to them I would just get triggered so I was protecting myself. My dad felt guilty and tried to talk to me in my room. I tried to explain how triggering this whole situation is for me and he said he would do anything to make it easier for me. I had told him what I needed but that he had gaslighted me about it. - This next and last part is going to illustrate the priorities in this household. A few years ago, I started having problems with hives. I spent almost a whole year having very painful breakouts all over my body. It kept me up all night and caused me so much discomfort during the day. I kept telling my dad about it (no response, or annoyed responses), I went to the doctor several times about it (useless ointments), and suffered month after month. I tried so many things, I thought maybe it was bugs, spiders, etc. My asthma was also acting up and I remembered that an ex-neighbor had been suspicious of mold because of their health issues getting better the second they moved out. They had told me back then that we should test for mold. I brought it up to my dad that I had been suffering from this for

long enough and that we should do something about it (mold also makes fibromyalgia and ME way worse). He angrily snapped, "What do you want me to do about it?" I suggested we ask the landlord to mold test the apartment. He refused bc he doesn't like to bother the landlord. I said that I would just order a mold kit myself and he said, "No, let me do it, I'll pick the right one." But he wouldn't even after I kept reminding him. Even after I sent him links to mold kits that we could order. After I got rid of my mattress, my hives got a lot better but I still have issues every now and then. For years I have just lived with this because I couldn't get him to even care about the fact that I was spotted with these big pink hives. When his gf moved in, we had a random rainy day, which seems to have activated the mold. His gf got one tiny little hive and the sniffles. She said to him once, "Hey, I think you have mold in this house." Want to guess what happened after that? You're right. He immediately ordered several mold test kits. I said to my therapist, "How am I supposed to feel about that? Is it really unreasonable, am I really in the wrong to feel hurt by that?" My therapist said, "I mean, I would feel completely invalidated and like I didn't matter." This isn't the first time empathy has been withheld from me obviously (above examples during my flare ups), but sometimes even when it's right in front of him he just can't bring himself to care for some reason. One time a big piece of glass was in my thumb. I said, "Ahhh, glass, help! Glass!" He was eating snacks in the kitchen and just glanced at me, didn't move or say anything. I realized he wasn't going to help, so shaking and bleeding, I managed to pull the glass out with tweezers very painfully. It bled so much and I stood over the sink trying to stop it. My dad just kept eating his snacks, not asking if I was okay or anything, he didn't even look at me. After 5 minutes I still couldn't get the blood to stop and asked my dad if he could help, maybe get me some gauze. He put food in his mouth and sighed, "Just put pressure on it" and walked away. It feels like he's just disgusted with me. I know that he does love me and that he's trying the best he can with all of his mental/emotional/personality flaws but he thinks that just because he puts a roof over my head that he can treat me however he wants and not work on his issues, that it's my fault for being hurt. He thinks that his issues are all on me to learn to endure and it's not right. I know that he resents me for getting in the way of him having a relationship because that's the only message I have gotten since childhood, with every woman he's brought into my home. But in the end his relationships always fall apart because the woman ends up realizing, and stating to him, that he is "emotionally absent". And every time, I comfort my dad through the break up. When he has tried to blame his ex I said once to him that therapy can really help him with his emotional issues and relationships. But he refuses, so. That's on him. But I refuse to believe that I am in the wrong here for saying enough is enough. But he's going to keep trying to make me believe that the problem is just me and my feelings, not his behavior. Nope. Boundary is up. I just have to keep to myself and do what I need to do to stay safe until I can move out. Because I guarantee you he's going to realize he doesn't get enough validation from his gf and then come running back to me as always and then be angry that I'm still holding my boundary strong. I know that this will hurt less as I get distance from it, but I don't like the idea of my pain being my fault when I grew up with this toxic stuff. I'm working so hard to make it hurt less but I can't heal if it keeps happening, so all I can do is back away from what is hurting me instead of being surprised when I'm hurt again. THAT is on me 100%. Hopefully he doesn't grab my desk and slam it against the wall again like in 2014 when I first tried to set this boundary. And of course when he

"apologized" he accused me of "punishing him" by not spending time with him. Jee-zus, dude. Get therapy. I can't be the only one in this family bearing this weight and working on my shit.

#teku #personal #do nut re bagel

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syubub · 4 years

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BTS as husbands

Seokjin

9 cups, 8 of Pentacles,5 of Pentacles rev., 10 of Cups, 2 of Cups.

Seokjin is a rock. As a husband, this man is emotionally mature and is able to take a step back to overcome any issues that they have in the relationship. He’ll also want to brag about his spouse too. He’s definitely a romantic but the quirky kind of romantic. He works hard to provide for his spouse will do what he can to make sure that everything is taken care of.

I definitely see him wanting to be super domestic with his spouse, cooking together and such. Definitely a soft, low key kind of husband who wants to dance comically in the kitchen in only underwear.

Honestly, whatever cute domestic scenario you have in your head is probably just about right. This man loves his spouse so much and they’ve probably acted like an old married couple from the second they saw each other.

Yoongi

The Lovers, The Sun, Justice, 2 of Pentacles, Hanged Man

Soft boy strikes again. Yoongi as a husband would be so sweet. He would do literally anything for his spouse. This man is big on equality within a relationship. I see him sharing everything with his spouse. I can legit hear "what’s mine is yours". This man is amazing at adulting. He probably handles finances in the relationship, not because he doesn’t think his spouse is capable but rather because he knows that most people find it annoying and he really doesn’t mind doing it if it takes stress away from his spouse.

Yoongi is a responsible husband. If something needs to be fixed, Yoongi has probably fixed by the time it has been brought to his attention.

Honestly Yoongi is a romantic man and would thrive off of little romantic gestures. If his spouse woke him up with coffee in bed he’d be in heaven. Just as he would be attentive to every little need I think his spouse will find that he secretly loves it when they do the same for him.

Good at problem solving and finding a new perspective. Not quick to anger and pretty chill for the most part.

Yoongi would absolutely light up whenever he is around his spouse and it wouldn’t matter how long they’ve been married for because he still feels like he’s in awe.

Tbh lots of arguing over furniture?

And interior design. He’s picky but only because he wants the best for his spouse.

Might get a little carried away in trying to rationalize every little thing and might have trouble letting some things go.

This popped in my head, like an argument for black vs white sheets. Like Yoongi wants black sheets because they look cool but it’s easier to tell if the white ones are dirty? And Yoongi has a whole mental list of pros and cons for black vs white sheets and his spouse is just like, "get the damn sheets, dude" and he’s like, "but what if," and his spouse gives him The Look and so he puts them both in the shopping cart.

He almost gets butterflies in his stomach whenever his spouse comes up. It’s cute.

At the same time though, people looking in from the outside might be like,???

"Are you even married?" Because they act so casual about it. But let me assure you this man is an affectionate man in his own way,

He likes skinship but on his terms (like a cat). I can definitely see him being the type to just always have a subtle touch on his spouse. Nothing possessive at all though. More like he finds such comfort in his spouse that he feels safe and comfortable with them around

Also definitely a little spoon. Fight me.

Hoseok

3 of Swords, 9 of Pentacles, hierophant, 5 of Cups

Hobi, my dude. I think he might be a little scared of commitment. Besides being a little wary of commitment though, I feel like he would be a very stable life partner/ husband. I can see him fretting over what to do because he doesn’t want to mess up and he might be the type not forgive himself for buying the wrong pasta. Honestly he is a wholesome spouse who maybe has issues with what he’s seen of marriage.

"Can’t get divorced if you don’t get married"

Thanks hope.

I think that he genuinely would be a sweet, caring, kind and strong husband who will thrive with the right person who knows how to ease his fears.

Hope strikes me as the type to not really put his emotions at the forefront. Like obvi he cares deeply for his spouse but when it comes to things that he struggles with it might take some coaxing to get it out of him.

Over all Hobi would be a great husband to anyone who put in the time and effort to reassure him.

Namjoon

Queen of wands rev., The Star, 2 of Pentacles, 4 of Pentacles, Magician

This man is easily overwhelmed. He might feel out of his depth as a husband, afraid that he’s doing something wrong? As far as husband material, Joon would be very bold? Like, Joon would treat his spouse like royalty and provide for them in a monetary sense but he would also have the potential to be kind of overly cautious with money sometimes because he fears that his spouse thinks that he’s trying to buy their affection. He would get anything and everything his spouse desired because he’s just that kind of guy. He would be the type of husband that takes his spouse out for fancy dates just because it’s a Wednesday. Like also expect this man to buy his spouse a Gucci outfit and leave it on the bed with a cute little note and a time for their dinner reservation. Ugh.

Expect him and his spouse to have a cute little book club too. Joonie is a romantic intellectual but also just a silly guy and he is probably the most easy going and dependable husband. Him with his spouse is something so powerful.

#powercouple

Jimin

Queen of Wands rev., Ace of Cups, hierophant, 7 of cups rev.

Jimin is a thoughtful libra husband. He will be constantly giving gifts and touching up on his spouse. I do see him being insecure. He seems to be a rather insecure person and when it comes to being legally, emotionally or some sort of weighty bond, tied to someone is nerve wracking. But Jimin is such a sweet heart.

He definitely buys lots of flowers and little gifts for his spouse.

"I saw this and thought of you.”

That’s something he does a lot.

It might be a rock he found in a parking lot or earrings that cost more that one years rent.

He really values open communication. He wants to know that something is wrong so that he can fix it before it turns into something it doesn’t have to be.

Will gush to everyone he knows about how cool his spouse is.

Taehyung

3 of Cups, 2 of Wands, King of Wands rev., 5 of Cups,

Taehyung will want to host parties with his spouse. I also see him wanting a pool?

Anyway, Tae is a very down to earth literal angel of a husband. He really is like the ultimate family guy. He is a very patient husband who is grounded and silly af. He knows how to make everyone laugh.

He is the perfect mix of child like and adult. Hes not afraid to tap into his childish side and bake a cake at 3 am with his spouse because it seemed like fun. He takes every possible moment he can to cherish his spouse.

I really think that Tae has a good grasp on how fragile life is and wants to make sure that his spouse knows how lived they are.

I see Tae really liking classy PDA

Jungkook

5 of Pentacles rev., heirophant, chariot, knight of wands

So so so cute. Think of a golden retriever. He wants to go everywhere and see everything and experience new things with his spouse. He has an actual heart of gold and will probably show up to his house with like 5 dogs he found on the street. I can see JK wanting to sponsor kids. This has nothing to do with possibly wanting kids of his own but I see him wanting to help out kids and wanting his spouse to be a part of it.

Such a dork.

Definitely has a collection of board games with home made pieces because he lost the real ones.

Will keep such a clean house.

A little irresponsible possibly? Not a bad thing but he just has such a youthful sort of outlook about some things.

Jungkook would be that steady pillar in the relationship. I keep getting ‘father figure’. I think I know what that is supposed to mean but the context is weird.

Jk is a dependable husband that holds no harsh judgment for his spouse. He is a pillar of strength and vulnerability and will do whatever he can to make sure that those around him are taken care of.

Think marrying your best friend. He knows every detail about his spouse and holds each little detail in high regard.

I also see him enjoying camping with his spouse. Like full on backpacking in the wilderness.

Values time spent together being productive, ie; grocery shopping, doing work at the table, working out etc.

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

I thought it would be cute to do a separate reading on what their weddings might look like just because I’m sappy..

#bts #bts imagines #bts jhope #bts jimin #bts reactions #bts tarot #bts rm #hoseok #jungkook #namjoon #min yoongi #yoongi #kim seokjin #seokjin #jk #taehyung #bts v #bts suga #min suga #hobi

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star-light-imagines · 4 years

Text

Midoryia Dating Headcanons

Anime/Manga: My Hero Academia

Warnings: None

Enjoy this one “for all”! 💚

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Izuku will do some PDA but mostly holding hands, hugging and a kiss on the forehead or cheek here and there. He isn’t the type to brag about you to everyone he knows, but he will talk about you a lot without realizing it and cheer for you during training and challenges.

“So Y/N has been working on this new move that is going to improve her quirk and if she keeps going in this direction then I believe that her next training session against-“

“Deku you’ve been talking about Y/N for the last hour.” Mineta complained with a bored expression.

Izuku will be protective over you because his dream is to be able to save others and obviously you will be one of the people he wants to keep safe. However, he will only get protective over you if someone has hurt you in battle or if someone is talking bad about you behind your back.

“ Y/N wouldn’t need to be cowardly enough to talk behind your backs so I suggest you don’t do it to her.”

“I will keep Y/N safe no matter what.”

He would love to study with you, and honestly you two have probably already studied together in the past. However if not, he will be really eager to ask you and compare all his class notes to yours. He will get you thinking about the topics in different ways and helping you with any subject you are struggling with. He will also be interested in any new that you can teach him or help him with.

“Wow Y/N! You’re right, I never knew you could get to the answer this quickly without all the extra work. Thank you!”

“Y/N what did you make of question 5? I got this but I don’t think it’s right.”

“Oh! Look I found a better way to solve this problem.”

Izuku will want to train with you, he’s already made notes of what he’s been able to see you do during classes and has made a training plan that would work for both of you. He also made a journal just for you on how to make your techniques more effective and strategies to use In battle.

“Y/N your moves are getting so much stronger than the first time I’ve seen you fight! I’m amazed that you’ve come so far so quickly!”

“Let’s work on this move together! I saw All Might do it once and I’ve always wanted to try it.”

“Y/N I made this for you to help you with training, now it’s like we have matching journals.” He says while blushing

He will know a bit of what periods are and be able to help you during yours. He hates to see you in pain from cramps and will get anxious on what would be the best solution for them as well as worry over what kind of snacks you want.. which is definitely cute when you catch him in his crisis mode.

“Okay I know Y/N likes sour patch kids, but I heard chocolate is good for periods. Wait what if she would prefer chips then it would be cheetos. Okay maybe I should just get chocolate, chips and sour patch kids so I cover everything. Hold on... didn’t she eat a whole bag of gold fish and Oreos last time? Maybe I should grab those to.”

“Hi princess, I brought you some medicine for your cramps and I rented your favorite movie for us to watch.”

“Awe but I already made you watch that movie five time already!”

“I know but I like the look of happiness on your face when we watch it.”

He will go out of his way to plan cute and romantic dates for you two. Even though he is busy most of the time with training and homework he wants to make you feel special and loved and like the princess you are. He will plan picnics dinners on the roof with fairy lights and all. Trips to the beach, set off floating lanterns together, painting dates, the whole 9 yards.

You walked into your room to be surprised by fairy lights decorating the walls and candles lit. A pillow/ blanket fort was placed in the middle of the room and izuku was inside with a projector and Netflix pulled up.

“Hi princess, I haven’t been able to see you a lot lately with all my training so I wanted to do something special for you.”

Izuku will try his hardest to never say anything that would hurt your feelings or start a fight. He’s so careful and considerate with your feelings that he would put that before his own. However if you two somehow managed to get in a fight he would apologize first because he would be able to see things from your point of view and not be stubborn.

“Izuku I told you stop risking your life, do you realize how my heart sinks when I find out you are in danger when you didn’t have to be. You put yourself into that situation by being reckless, I get that your friends need you, but I need you to. If you are going to do something crazy at least bring me along.”

“I’m sorry Y/N. I know that you must be worried about me, because I feel the same way about you when you get in a fight. I want to save people and keep them safe, however I understand and I will bring you along next time.”

He doesn’t get jealous, because he trusts you whole heartedly. If someone is flirting with you he will trust you to take care of the situation on your own, however if the person is not leaving after that then he will politely step in and take over.

“Y/N damn every time I see you, you look better and better.”

“Thank you, it’s probably from all the love my boyfriend gives me.”

“Maybe we should chill tonight, I don’t think he would mind.”

“No can do, I have cooking date with my boyfriend.”

“You would rather cook than chill with me?”

“Yes, I really would.”

Izuku over hearing this conversation and seeing how the boy wouldn’t take no as answer stepped in between you and faced you. “Hi princess, do you need help ?”

“Yes I do.”

“I’m sorry sir, but Y/N is my girlfriend and she doesn’t want to talk to you anymore especially since you can’t take no for an answer so I’m going to walk away with her now.”

#anime #anime x reader #anime headcanons #my hero academia headcanons #my hero academia x reader #my hero academia #bnha #bnha x reader #bnha headcanons #izuku x reader #izuku midoriya #izuku midoriya x reader #izuku headcanons #midoriya x reader #midoriya headcanons #izuku midoria x reader #deku #deku x reader #deku headcanons

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smalltowndetective · 3 years

Text

I’m technically not going to around much (writing or otherwise) until Thursday, but Felix and Thea have been on my mind recently so I’m just going to post this anyway, even though I don’t think anyone will actually care! (This is a whole essay, I’m so sorry) :)

I’ve been trying to figure out what I like so much about Felix and Thea’s route in the first place, and why I love their dynamic as much as I do, and I think I have finally cracked it. (Which these letters, which are all outlined and not written, have kind of finally let me figure out exactly what it is)

In my notes that span Thea’s romantic history up to book 1, it kind of made me realize something. While Thea has thought this about a few people, no one has ever told her that they loved her romantically. Too often, she was left to guess what their actual feelings were, and more often then not, they would not be as strong as her own.

Which is why, in the years leaning up to Book 1, she kind of starts to think that she is broken in that sort of way. Now, these feelings are pushed down by her self-trained optimism most of the time, but she starts to wonder if there is something wrong with her, and that she needs to change parts of herself, because being who she is certainly isn’t working, right? (Of course, romantic relationships aren’t the only important thing in life, but for someone who jumps in so strongly and without fear to only even up burned in the end time and time again, it has certainly made an impression)

But then here comes Felix, with an abundance of charm and a greeting that managed to completely occupy her thoughts. And it was not long until Thea realized that she was falling for him, despite everything telling her that UB was leaving after the case anyway, and she would just end up heartbroken again when he had to leave. (And there was also the fear that he was simply flirting with her to get a reaction out of her, to which if that was his end goal, he certainly succeeded with the way that he made her flush more then anyone else had ever been able to)

What Felix is though, to which Thea has never had before, is he’s honest. (I’ll save filling this with screenshots, because I totally don’t have most of Felix and Thea’s route screenshotted shhhh) He’s open with his own feelings, and has no problem admitting them, and never tries to avoid that question. Such as the scene just before everything happens with Murphy, to which Thea asks, “Are you suggesting my company would be good enough?” And Felix’s response, ‘I don’t think so... I know so”

In another vein, Felix has never had someone “choose” him before, and in a lot of ways, Thea is the same way (Felix being surprised with the detective saying they were scared of losing them to lives rent free in my mind). And here comes Thea, who is simply so gentle and kind, with the desire to fully commit and hold nothing back, and even with her own flushes, she sometimes still manages to make him the same way, which while I have written about this before, Thea is certainly surprised about that (And see the, “It’s not bragging if it’s true” at the beginning of Book 2)

Both of them deserve the world, honestly. And in such a difference compared to my other detectives, who each have some sort of fear of falling in love in some capacity (some have to deal more with opening up), it is so nice to write two people (from what we know about Felix’s own romantic history) who have both been heartbroken before, but now get the chance to love deeply and truly without fear)

And to close this very long post out, I’ll kind of explain why I choose the sun and the moon for the ship name for these two, because at first glance, I know that does not make much sense, since they are two absolute balls of sunshine. Why do I equate Thea to the moon? It has to deal with more of the sun and moon themselves. The sun is bright, has full of purpose and creativity and while it can be a bit much sometimes, it is still something that is considered amazing, which is why I normally (as many people do) compare Felix to the sun. But the moon? The moon is calming, nurturing, often symbolic of comfort and familiarity, even if there is an air of mystery around it, which is why I equate her to the moon :)

One line that I think is the scene when Felix drags himself back to Thea’s apartment after she gets kidnapped by Murphy is how Adam notices that Felix is more “focused then he has been then with anyone else” which in the grand scheme of things with this ship, I really really like. Because while Felix is the only person that can get Thea to do something out of her comfort zone, Thea is the also the person that Felix gets the desire to be enjoy the quietness of the moment with, and I really love that dynamic.

And I promise last thing, but I have to share this

I don’t know if we talk about this line enough- what exactly does this mean? It is kind of just there before it is never mentioned again, and I really want to know what exactly Nate is referring to here

But anyway, if you actually got to the end of this mess, thank you! Hopefully it is was not too much of a chore to read, and I’ll talk to all of you later! :D

#detective thea holland #felix x thea #thoughts from me today #from person who really needs to take a nap but won't be able to get one until Thursday #hopefully this makes some sort of sense

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thefinalcinderella · 4 years

Text

Kaze ga Tsuyoku Fuiteiru Chapter 2 - The Mountains of Hakone are the Steepest in the World (Part 3)

I actually need an editor this time so...if you have a lot of free time, dm me

Translation Notes

1. Ekiden Tenma refers to the ancient system of exchanging information by going back and forth between post stations by horse, like the Pony Express in the US. An ekiden also means a long-distance relay race.

2. An inro is a traditional Japanese case used for holding small objects like identity seals and medicine. While looking up what raising your inro means I found a lot of references to the period drama Mito Komon, where the hero raises their inro to show his identity, so I think raising your inro is sort of like showing your ID to someone.

3. Tsuburaya Koukichi was a Japanese marathon runner. He won the bronze medal in the 1964 Tokyo Olympics after being overtaken by another runner at the last minute, which he was mortified by. He also suffered a chronic back problem after the Olympics. He committed suicide in 1968 and left a note thanking his family for the food they gave him. You can read the letter on Wikipedia

4. A university-preparatory school or 進学校 (Shingaku-kou) is a school centered on preparing students into getting into university. They usually have higher rates of university acceptance.

5. Putting this here because it took me a long time to look this up, but a 返す刀 (literally “returning (or retaliating) katana”) means attacking one thing and then immediately attacking something else after with a different kind of attack.

Previous | Next

Angry cries and confusion swirled inside the twins’ room.

Impossible. Was he insane? Why we gotta wear shorts and throw on a sash to climb mountains right after New Year’s? What is a Ha-ko-ne E-ki-den? You see, the word “Ekiden” was taken from the “Ekiden Tenma” system (1)… We don’t have any track team members here in the first place. And so on.

In the middle of all of that, Kakeru was the only one who stayed silent.

For those who did track, the “Hakone” was a tournament that had a special place in their hearts. For that reason, they knew how difficult it was to aim for Hakone. Kiyose’s proposal was nothing but a pipe dream. It wasn’t something that the residents of Chikusei-sou, who were all complete amateurs, could aim for just because they wanted to.

Kiyose stood up straight and left the room, then went down the stairs unusually loudly.

“Is he angry?” Jouji muttered uneasily.

“I’m pissed off, too.” Yuki irritably drained his cup of beer. “That asshole Haiji said a bad joke.”

Wondering what was going to happen, Kakeru watched the situation, and then the door was opened again roughly. Kiyose had returned. In his hand was the large doorplate hanging at Chikusei-sou’s entrance. Wondering if he was going to hit them with the plate, everyone reflexively ducked their heads. Kiyose stood in the center of the circle and wiped the sooty doorplate with the hem of his shirt.

“Look at this.”

Kiyose held up the cleaned doorplate like an inro (2) and did a full turn on the spot so that everyone sitting around him could see it.

“Wha, what the hell is that!”

Voices of astonishment spilled from everyone’s mouths. Kakeru also bent forward to take in the words written on the doorplate, and dumbfoundedly realized that this was what it meant to be too amazed to say anything.

“Chikusei-sou” was written in ink on the plain wood board. However, those weren’t the only words. They couldn’t be read until now because of the dirt, but there were two small rows of writing above them.

“Kansei University

Track and Field Team Training Camp”

That was certainly what was written there.

“I’ve never heard of that.”

Nico-chan, the number one old-timer, moaned. The newcomers Jouta and Jouji were looking at each other with ashen faces. By this point, it was clear that Kiyose was seriously trying to take on the Hakone Ekiden.

“In the first place, does our school even have a track and field team?”

Shindou confronted Kiyose with the pitifulness of a peasant begging the governor for a reduction in the annual tribute.

“It’s tiny, but we do. I have said we went to a meet in my first year.”

I thought you participated by yourself. Prince, who was unaware of the workings of the track and field world, muttered. Kiyose didn’t move an inch and made another bombshell announcement as he held the doorplate up.

“And all of you guys are track members too.”

“How?!”

The uproar this time was incomparable to when they were told they were aiming for Hakone. Yuki stood up and drew closer to Kiyose.

“When did that happen!”

“When you moved in.” Kiyose declared nonchalantly. “Didn’t you think it was weird? It’s obvious in this day and age that there would be a catch with a thirty-thousand yen rent and served meals.”

Ignoring the commotion made by the others, Kakeru fixed a glare on Kiyose.

“In other words, the moment we move into Aotake, the team registration form for the track team is turned in?”

“That’s right.”

“And, of course, we’re automatically registered with the Inter-University Athletic Union of Kanto?”

“That’s right.”

“’That’s right’? You really are…” Kakeru sighed. “Isn’t it dirty without the consent of the person? How many people are on the track team in total?”

“For short-distance, we have a dozen or so people, I guess. We’re very weak, though. For long-distance, there’s the ten of us here.”

“So when did we become track athletes!?”

King tried to snatch away doorplate away from Kiyose. Musa hurriedly stopped him.

“I do not understand why. Let’s talk a little about this.”

“Right we will. Let’s just all settle down. Everyone, sit.”

Kiyose calmly instructed. It’s your fault it’s so chaotic, was what everyone was thinking. However, in Chikusei-sou, Kiyose’s words routinely possessed an immense power. They all forcibly suppressed their indignation and reluctantly sat down, once again forming a circle. No one opened their mouths. There was too much, and they didn’t know what to say.

Yuki nudged Kakeru’s side with his elbow. His eyes were saying “Go.” Kakeru was bewildered and looked around at the residents who formed the circle. The twins were signalling Kakeru with their eyes, asking for help. It was already well-known throughout Chikusei-sou that Kakeru went jogging by himself in mornings and evenings. Prince, who shut himself in his room and read nothing but manga, was about the only one who didn’t know.

For Kakeru, who had lived in a hierarchical society, to push aside the more veteran residents who were all sitting in a row and fire the first shot was something to hesitate about. However, the only person who could convincingly oppose Kiyose’s sudden proposition was Kakeru, the only one who was familiar with the world of track. Apparently, he had no choice but to question Kiyose on everyone’s behalf.

Kakeru corrected his posture.

“I’m asking this just to make sure, but who’s the coach? What do they think of these ghost members who don’t even know they’re on the team?”

“Don’t worry about that. The coach is our landlord Tazaki Genichirou-shi.”

“You’re crazy!”

Cries of grief once again rose from all around the circle.

“It’s impossible for us the moment that staggering old man is our coach!”

It seemed that Jouji was so shocked that he got alcohol down his windpipe. He complained while choking loudly.

“That’s rude. Our landlord is someone who was said to be the pride of Japan’s athletics world.” Kiyose chided him.

“When was that?” Jouta asked nervously while rubbing Jouji’s back.

“Well, when Tsuburaya Koukichi (3) died after writing his food-based suicide note, our landlord was already known as a famous coach at Kansei.”

“I do not understand at all.”

Musa tilted his head miserably. Only for this time, neither Shindou nor King the trivia master had the time to answer his question. Tsuburaya Koukichi was an outstanding runner who won the bronze medal for marathon at the Tokyo Olympics, but since explaining that wouldn’t move the conversation forward, Kakeru also decided to ignore Musa’s lamentation.

“Haiji-san, you said we were aiming for Hakone, but to put it bluntly, that’s impossible.”

At Kakeru’s flat and decisive words, everyone except for Kiyose looked relieved.

“You can’t know that without even trying.”

“I do know. Schools that are powerhouses at athletics do tough practices every single day for years, but even so, only a handful of universities are able to participate in Hakone, you know?”

“I don’t want to brag, but I’ve hardly ever ran before.” Prince, who was reading the manga he brought as though none of this had anything to do with him, lifted his head for the first time in a while. “I think it will take longer for someone like me to be able to participate in the Hakone Ekiden than a paramecium evolving into a human.”

“I’m sure even Prince should be faster than a paramecium.” King consoled him poorly.

“A paramecium is a paramecium. Even if it evolved, it won’t become a human.” Yuki cut the conversation off coldly and abandoned it.

Without lending an ear to the voices on the outfield, Kiyose looked directly at Kakeru.

“I’m surprised that you’d tuck your tail between your legs without even trying. Practice is important, but it’s not just a matter of doing hard training recklessly.”

Kakeru also took on the challenge head on.

“Haiji-san, you must know since you also run. Everyone here are amateurs. What is the point of dragging them into such a dream-like story and putting them through pain on purpose?”

“It certainly will remain a dream-like story if you don’t try,” Kiyose unusually exposed his feelings and vehemently argued in an irritated tone. “However, these guys have plenty of potential. Nico-chan-senpai has track experience. In high school, the twins and King were on the soccer team, and Yuki was in the kendo club. Shindou walked the mountain paths for ten-kilometer round-trips to get to school, and the potential hidden in Musa’s physical strength is immeasurable.”

“It’s a prejudice that black people are fast,” Musa said weakly. “Just like how there are black people who hate hip-hop or are bad at dancing, I’m not particularly fast either.”

“It’s been seven years since I’ve done track,” Nico-chan smiled bitterly as he lit a new cigarette.

“It doesn’t seem that I’m being counted, but it’s true that I’m terrible at sports.” King said timidly as he flipped through his manga idly. Kiyose still only looked at Kakeru and spoke passionately.

“And then, Kakeru came to Aotake. We now have ten people all together. Hakone isn’t a mountain in a mirage. This isn’t a pipe dream. It’s a reality where we can tie on our sashes and ascend!”

There was a scattered round of indifferent applause, and it stopped after Kiyose snapped, “Stop fooling around.” Cutting Kakeru off when he still tried to argue back, Kiyose recited from memory the “Hakone Ekiden Entry Qualifications” as though to double down on it.

“‘A registered athlete of the Inter-University Athletic Union of Kanto who belongs to the participating school and applied to participate in this competition no more than four times. If one only participated in the qualifying round, that is included in the number of times.’ The residents of Aotake are members of the Kansei University track and field team, and the team members are automatically registered with the union. Including the qualifiers, there is no one here who has participated in the Hakone Ekiden even once. See, we fulfilled all of the qualifications for participation.”

“The problem is those qualifiers.” Kakeru was finally able to interject. “You can’t just suddenly appear in the Hakone Ekiden.”

“Oh, really? I didn’t know that,” Shindou muttered.

“Most people only watch the finals on New Year’s,” Kakeru nodded.

“Twenty schools can participate the Hakone Ekiden, but only the top ten schools can get seeded. Every year, about thirty schools take part in the qualifiers that open in October.”

“If it’s thirty schools from all the universities in Kanto, then it’s not that many, isn’t it?”

To Jouji’s words, Kakeru declared, “Naïve!”

“For Hakone, ten people run ten sections, but each section is more than twenty kilometers. Naturally, the qualifiers are also decided by the total times of the athletes from each university for running twenty kilometers all at once. But…first of all, that twenty kilometers is a big problem.”

Pressed by Kakeru’s gaze, Kiyose reluctantly supplemented his words.

“It’s difficult to obtain ten people who can run twenty kilos at a reasonable speed. What’s more, the speeds are getting faster and faster in recent years. There are also prerequisites for taking part in the qualifiers: You must have an official record of running five-thousand meters within seventeen minutes, or ten-thousand meters within thirty-five.”

Perhaps feeling overawed from hearing specific times, silence descended on the room for a while. This time, it was Kakeru who continued.

“The top-level universities that participate in the Hakone Ekiden have most of their athletes run five-thousand meters in the first half of the fourteen-minute range on average. And, that’s a result collected from the best all over the country. Hakone isn’t a competition that you’ll be able to reach just with lip service. A weak track team from a university that doesn’t even do sports referrals doesn’t have a chance to be able to participate.”

Prince timidly raised his hand and spoke up.

“Um, I don’t really get the greatness of that record.”

“Haven’t you done endurance running in high school?” Jouta asked him in a hoarse voice, but Prince only shook his head and said “Not at all.”

“My high school was a university-preparatory school (4), so endurance running was just three kilometers.”

“If it’s five-thousand meters within seventeen minutes, then that means that’s a faster pace than three-and-a-half minutes per kilometer,” Yuki calmly calculated in his head.

“Three-and-a-half minutes! It took me about fifteen minutes to run three kilometers, I think.”

“That’s…hopelessly slow,” Nico-chan muttered without stopping from smoking his cigarette.

“Running five-thousand meters in seventeen minutes is only the condition to participate in the qualifiers. It’s hard to go to Hakone unless everyone has the ability to run in the fourteen-minute range,” Kiyose pointed out more and more calmly.

“It’s obviously impossible for us, isn’t it,” Jouji said brightly as though dismissed from a terrible job. However, Kiyose didn’t give up.

“For long-distance, you need to have endurance and concentration. You can’t just practice lazily. If we narrow down the target to just Hakone and make adjustments, then we can do the impossible.”

“What are you basing all of this confidence on?” Kakeru was amazed.

“If you’re talking about the basis, then it’s what I said before. The residents of Aotake have hidden potential.”

Kiyose was imposing. Probably even the people who had lived with him at Chikusei-sou for several years hadn’t noticed how much passion he had within him until now.

“To put it in concrete numbers, Kakeru can run five-thousand meters in thirteen minutes. Even among the athletes who take part in Hakone, it’s an incredible record that only a small number of people hold. By the way, at the track meet I was at right before I got injured, my record was fourteen minutes and ten seconds. I’ve fully recovered it from it recently, so I’m fully prepared for my legs to break after finishing the Hakone and strengthen that record.”

“Uh, no, you don’t have to go that far.” Yuki, who did not seem to like hot-bloodedness, murmured. “While we’re at it, I want you to stop dragging me into this.”

Kiyose ignored his objection.

“Furthermore, Musa can probably run it in just under fourteen minutes too. All the foreign athletes who take part in Hakone are in the thirteen-minute range.”

“I think it is because those people are overseas students who are expected to be fast.” Musa desperately explained while looking to Shindou for help. “It’s impossible for me. I’m a government-sponsored foreign student in the faculty of science and engineering, after all. More specifically, a car picks me up and drops me off at school in my country.”

“If you had that much money, why did you come to a place like Aotake?” Jouji raised a reasonable question.

“It is so that I can gain life experience. I did not see this happening…” Musa said, looking like a wilted morning glory. Without minding any of that, Kiyose summed everything up.

“Anyways, for the rest of it, if you could just turn a bit of your passion for mahjong or clubbing to running, we will definitely get good results. After all, you guys have more than enough physical strength, at the very least.”

Fueled by Kiyose’s ardor, some of them were gradually becoming more and more enthusiasm. Kakeru sensed that in the mood. As if it was something that easy. He roughly filled up his cup with sake.

A group of only amateurs aiming for the Hakone Ekiden. And what’s more, there was only half a year until the qualifiers in October. If someone who did track seriously heard that, they would think it was recklessness to the point of laughing it off as sleep-talking. What on earth did Kiyose thought running was?

Was inviting me to Chikusei-sou also because he had this kind of ulterior motive? In the end, Haiji-san is the same as those guys from high school who would make a huge deal over only my speed.

However, he couldn’t storm out of the room. Don’t go along with this absurd conversation, just go back to your room. Even as he thought that, for some reason he couldn’t move his body. From somewhere in his heart, a voice whispered, Doesn’t this seem interesting? Are you going to continue to run by himself in a place away from the track and field world forever? If you are, it’s better to launch an attack on the Hakone Ekiden with the residents of Chikusei-sou. It’s not a bad idea to try.

The whisper became a spark that ignited Kakeru.

Kiyose had said it. Kakeru’s running was free and looked fun. That was why he called out to him. Until now, there was no one around Kakeru who had said something like that to him.

There was no need for fun or anything like that in running. You should only aim to improve your speed, and put off leisure, romance, and hanging out with friends. He had heard those words so many times from managers, coaches, and upperclassmen that he was tired of it. Kakeru had only ever been asked to run like a machine. Kakeru’s value was only the numbers engraved on the stopwatch. He should have had enough of those days.

The other residents also seemed to be deep in thought about something in silence. While not knowing what to do with the uncertain and pent-up feelings within him, Kakeru gazed at the room where no one moved an inch,

Eventually, Shindou raised his head.

“I’m willing to give it a shot.”

Surprise-filled gazes concentrated on Shindou. Nobody thought that he, who was quiet and reliable, would be the first to decide.

“In the sticks, I walked many kilometers of mountain paths everyday, so I’m confident in my endurance. Plus, if we make it to the Hakone Ekiden, we’ll be on TV, right? I think my parents would be thrilled about that.”

“If Shindou is doing it, I shall take it on as well,” Musa said. “But I am telling you this in advance, I truly am not fast. Are you fine with that regardless?”

“Everything will turn out fine as soon as our practice starts,” Kiyose said warmly, as though everything hinged on that.

Oi oi, Nico-chan frowned, and Yuki gazed out the window, pretending to be indifferent. Prince was inching towards the door little by little.

The rest of the residents on the second floor, who easily got into the mood and were up for anything, became lively with Shindou’s and Musa’s declarations of participation.

“Hey, hey, Haiji-san. We’ll be popular with girls, right?”

“We definitely will, right?”

“Will this really guarantee me a job?”

The twins and King energetically asked for confirmation in rapid succession. “Of course,” Kiyose assured them.

Kakeru wanted to shout, He’s playing you! However, he knew that it was no use no matter what he said. The twins and King only wanted to escape from the harsh reality facing them briefly. That was why they jumped at the bait called “Hakone Ekiden” that was dangling in front of them. They were like horses that had sweet candy made from crystallized dreams hanging in front of their noses.

King was in high spirits and said, “Alright. Let’s help with Haiji’s ambitions!”

“Now,” Kiyose said, and alternately mowed down Nico-chan, Yuki, Prince, and Kakeru, who still hadn’t confirmed their participation yet, with his gaze.

“By majority decision, it is already decided that we will be aiming for the Hakone Ekiden. But, I don’t think that’s going to convince you guys either.”

Wondering what was going to be said, Kakeru refrained from even breathing and prepared himself for Kiyose’s attack. Kiyose continued to calmly intimidate them.

“Therefore, I am going to use force. You guys have no veto power.”

“This is tyranny!”

“Is this kind of thing allowed in a country where the rule of law prevails?”

Kiyose laughed off Nico-chan’s and Yuki’s desperate protests right in front of them.

“Nico-chan-senpai. Who was the one who, when you were crying ‘I absolutely cannot fail this exam,’ dragged you out of bed on time with the kindness and strictness of a mother? Who was the one who helped you repaper your walls that get sticky with nicotine every year? Who was the one who repaired the floorboards you stepped through in the hallway without telling the landlord on you?”

Like a convict who reformed right before his execution, Nico-chan suddenly became quiet and docile. Kiyose changed the aim of his attack to Yuki.

“You haven’t forgotten about it either, Yuki, the taste of my osechi cooking, right? Last year, you couldn’t get a job because of your bar exam, so you bummed off of me for lunch for the whole year because you said you didn’t have any money. To think that you’ve forgotten about that…”

Yuki could only nod his head like a broken doll. Kiyose turned his blade immediately yet again and slashed at Prince’s back as he was opened the door and was about to escape from the room. (5)

“Prince. Because of your book hoard, Chikusei-sou is at the brink of collapse. Which will you choose: Throwing away your manga, or aiming for the Hakone Ekiden?”

Prince sank down to the floor, but showed a resolute attitude to fight back.

“I hate both of them! Both choices are like telling me to die.”

Prince’s grief-filled lamentations reverberated in the room. Kiyose crossed his arms with a “Hmm” and turned towards Kakeru again. Kakeru lightly raised his arms.

“I get it. ‘Who introduced you to Chikusei-sou? If you don’t like it, you can leave.’ Is that what you’re going to say?”

“I’m not going to say that to someone’s who broke,” Kiyose uncrossed his arms. “All right, then. Kakeru and Prince, I’ll give you a few more days. If you change your mind, tell me.”

Prince stopped lamenting, and approached Kiyose, standing in the middle of the room, a little bit.

“And if it doesn’t change?”

“Are you going to declare a state of emergency next time?” Yuki interrupted sarcastically.

“No,” Kiyose smiled gently. “I will persistently continue to call for your surrender.”

Kakeru’s and Prince’s shoulders slumped in unison.

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#Kaze ga tsuyoku fuiteiru #kazetsuyo translations #run with the wind #kazetsuyo

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bella-spil · 4 years

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Carter Baizen Fluff Alphabet

Never written for Carter, but I’ve seen Gossip Girl, so I hope I did Carter justice. Lmk how I did! On my Masterlist if you want to check that out.

Attractive:(What do they find attractive about you?)

Your devious smile. He likes how you always are a step of him, and he never knows what’s up next with you. Your smile never ceases to charm him. He never knows if your smile means you’re up to something or if something good happened, and he likes figuring out that mystery. Carter is always down to stir up some trouble, and with you by his side, you two are the ultimate power couple.

Baby:(do they want to have kids?)

Yes, but no more than one, or maybe two. He wants to focus more on his work and you, and he feels like kids might distract him. But he did tell you once, while you were shopping, that he would have one kid with you. A son, one that he can pass on his stories, good looks and charm too. Also to teach him how to thrive in the City that Never Sleeps.

Cuddle:(how do they cuddle?)

He likes it when your head is resting on his chest, or when your head is laying on his shoulder. When your head is on his chest, he likes how comfortable you look. Same when its on his shoulder. He just likes seeing your happy and content in his arms, knowing that your safe with him, not matter what trouble crosses your path, or whatever trouble you both cause.

Dates:(What are dates like with them?)

He will take you to the most expensive restaurants in the city. Masa, Per Se, Kurumazushi, and Eleven Madison Park are the most frequent ones you go to.

Everything:(you are my ____ ex: my world, my life)

You are my diamond in the rough. He still can’t believe he found you. Out of all the girls in the Upper East Side, you managed to sweep him off his feet. And you still can’t believe he fell for you. Sometimes you have to pinch yourself, since you still think being with Carter is a dream. You are his special diamond, the best one, that he found in a sea of jewels, just as good, but you stood out to him, for all the right reasons.

Feelings:(when did they know they were in love?)

He fell for you when he met you. You met him at a casino, where he gambles a lot. You were playing Blackjack against him, and you were able to get $5,000 bucks off of him. It was like you knew what cards were coming next, and you kept getting Carters money, to the point that he was out of it.

As he was complaining about losing his money, he was flirting with you, saying how if you were with him, you would make his pockets hurt. Your signature smirk agreed with him, and Carter knew he was a goner. He never met anyone like you, and needed you in his life.

Gentle:(Are they gentle and how so?)

Gentle isn’t a word I would use to describe Carter automatically. But once he started seeing you more and more, he became more touchy with you, and opened his shell, for you to see what’s underneath. He still does have a bit of an attitude though, but you deal with it.

He isn’t the sneaky, manipulative playboy that everyone in the Upper East Side made you believe he was. He was a kind, charming and special human being. Carter changed your mind about something: you never know what’s behind all the glitz and glam.

Hands:(do they like to hold hands?)

Now he does.

When he grew up, he didn’t have the best relationship with his parents, which caused him to lose his trust fund and start out on his own, all from scratch. His parents weren’t the nicest to him and never really gave him hugs, never held hands with him, or any physical contact at all

You held his hand once when you went shopping, and his immediate reaction was to jerk his hand away from you and ask you what your problem was. But he immediately apologized once he realized the words that left his mouth and slowly explained why he wasn’t use to people holding his hand.

When he told you, you automatically forgave him. And you started holding his hand more and more often, causing him to get used to the feeling and grabbing your hand on his own. And now he wants to hold your hand all the time.

Impression:(what did they first think of you?)

Carter thought that you were different, in a good way. No, in an amazing way. You weren’t like all those other spoiled rich bitches that he grew up with. You were kind, smart and poised.

Jealousy:(do they get jealous easily?)

Yes. He doesn’t like you around other rich men. But this doesn’t happen often. Most of the rich men are old and in their eighties, but you never go after them, no. You go after their sons, only if you get into a fight with Carter. You do it just to piss the crap outta him. His fists always tighten, eyebrows always furrow and his jaw always clenched, getting the reaction you want out of him.

Kiss:(how do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

Carter normally pecks you on the cheek or on the lips when you are both out in public. When you are just with him is a completely different story though. But, in both ways, his kisses always mean something, he never kisses you when he doesn’t want to. He kisses you because he needs to.

Carter made the first move on you. You weren’t expecting him to kiss you so intensely. And it made you swoon over him even more. It was so electrifying and intense, and just out of this world.

Love:(who said ‘I love you’ first?)

Carter did. It was about a month after you both officially were a couple. You were at some stupid ceremony or party, whatever it was it was stupid. But Carter got drunk on some champagne, and it was entertaining nonetheless. But you were both in his limo when he drunkenly told you he loved you. You were taken aback, because the sober Carter wouldn’t tell you this fast. But you just thanked him, because you didn’t know if it was the alcohol that was just making him say stuff he doesn’t mean, and his cheeks got all rosy even though you didn’t say it back.

You did ask him the next day, when he was sober. He just shrugged it off at first, but you grabbed his collar and told him to tell you the truth. Carter told you he meant every word, and you told him you loved him back.

Memory:(what’s their favorite memory with you?)

His favorite memory is when you and him went to some retro pinball place in the city. He thought you were delusional when you said you wanted to go there for a date. The place didn’t look expensive, didn’t have butlers or anything like that. But once you stepped into the doors and showed him how to play, he knew what it was like to not be raised on Louis Vuitton and Chanel. He knew what it was like to be normal for once.

Even though you were only able to spend an hour there, he had one of the best times in his life. And so did you. You showed him how the live in the moment, something that he will never take for granted.

Nickel:(do they spoil you?)

Cmon, is that even a question. Of course he does, he’s Carter fucking Baizen. Anything you want he either has, had or can get.

Orange:(what color reminds them of you?)

Gold, 24 karat gold. Gold brings out the tones of your skin and your eyes, and Carter thinks you look like an angel whenever he sees you in the color or wearing gold jewelry. Carter always swears that he sees the goddess in you, and always buys more clothes and jewelry that’s gold, just so he can see you like a goddess all the time.

Pet Names:(what pet names do they call you?)

He calls you his ‘angel’, ‘goddess’, and his ‘princess’.

Quaint:(what’s their favorite non-modern thing?)

Carter misses the old timey phones. The ones that were connected to a wire, to the house. Having the turn the circle thing to get the number you wanted. He remembers he used to have one, crested in gold, and he would play with it all the time, only to get scolded by his parents.

(idk how to describe this type of phone. I’ve only seen it once in person and have no clue how to use it. And i’m young, not even a millennial. If you know what I mean, I applaud you.)

Rainy Day:(What do they like to do on rainy days?)

You can never remember a time that it rained when you were with Carter. When you did hear that it rained in the city, you and him were always on vacation somewhere. Fiji, Santorini, Rome, Paris, London, you name it. You do miss the rain though, but you prefer the sunshine a lot better.

Sad:(how do they cheer themselves up?)

He cheers himself up whenever he wins a game of poker. Or blackjack. But mostly, he gets happy when he takes you for a shopping spree. He doesn’t care how much money you spend. As long as you have a smile plastered on your face, he could care less.

Talking:(what do they like to talk about?)

He likes to talk about his plans for the future with you. What restaurants he wants to try next, where he wants you to go with him for your next vacation, new business deals he’s been working on, famous people he has met in the past. He doesn’t mean to brag, but sometimes he likes to brag. But you enjoy listening to his plans and his achievements, you enjoy his stories.

Unwind:(what helps them relax?)

He will never tell you this, he thinks its too embarrassing. He can only imagine if Gossip Girl knew. He likes it when you play with his hair. It’s like a mini massage. Only better and a lot more soothing than the masseuses that normally work for him.

Vaunt:(What do they like to show off/brag about?)

He likes to show off anything and everything that he possibly can. His money, his limos and cars, is penthouse. But he shows you off whenever you are around. And you always blush uncontrollably when he does.

Wedding:(how, where and when do they propose?)

Carter likes to go big or go home. You told him once that he is the Upper East Side version of Tony Stark, and he happily agreed.

So he proposed at the most beautiful place he could think of. He wanted to do it in the city, where he is from and where he could come again. He was able to rent the Empire State Building for a few hours. You had never been on the top floor, so Carter made it his mission to propose to you there. Where you could see the city skyline for days and never get sick of it.

You were not expecting it, and you cried tears of joy when he got down on one knee. His smile could light up all the building in the city when you said yes. And when he placed the diamond rock, wrapped in a gold band with tiny details only the most observant could see, you went to cloud-9. It was the best day of your life.

Xylophone:(what’s their favorite song?)

Heartless- The Weeknd

Feeling Good- Michael Buble

Eleven- Khalid feat. Summer Walker.

Yes:(Have they ever thought about proposing to you?)

Uhh yea. If he didn’t you wouldn’t be engaged to him.

Zebra:(of they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

Since you have showed him to the world of YouTube, he has watched a lot of music videos. And one of them caught his eye. He doesn’t remember the name of it, and he doesn’t bother to care. But the person had a live Jaguar in it. A real life one. And he wanted one sooo badly.

He begged you for one, he got down on his knees. He was acting like a child that didn’t get the toy they wanted for Christmas.

“I want one,” he begged.

“No,” you said flat out.

#carter baizen #carter #gossip girl #fluff #sebastian stan #fandom #fic #fanfic

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robert-c · 3 years

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How Common Business Practices Contribute to the Perpetuation of Poverty and Racism

Over the last century a number of laws were passed to ensure that employees would not be cheated by their employers. It began with ensuring that they were paid for all the hours an employer required them to be on the job. More followed: safe procedures for certain jobs, guarantees that promised retirement benefits would be there, that group medical plans sponsored by employers could not permanently exclude pre-existing conditions. It was only fair since the company’s cost of these benefits could be deducted from the company’s taxable income. Some employers simply violate the laws, counting on the fact that most employees don’t know their rights.

Even without directly violating the law, ever clever businesses have been finding ways around these protections: claiming that employees who should be covered under overtime pay rules are in positions exempt from those provisions; recasting employees as “contractors”, so they are not covered by employee regulations; utilizing part time employees so that they can be excluded from benefits, like healthcare and 401k’s. Their excuse, as always, is to limit expenses and therefor keep the cost of their goods or services low for the ultimate consumer. A closer examination of that argument usually falls apart when it becomes impossible to trace the line between these expense reductions and lower prices to the consumer.

However, there is a small point in their favor in that consumers usually do simply go for the cheaper product. Then again, if there really was a big connection between these cost saving measures and the final cost of goods and services there are things the companies could do. Their massive advertising budgets could be used to educate consumers about the reasons their product costs a little more than competitors, they do it all the time with claims of value and quality. It might be something like “Quality and community responsibility cost a little more, but it’s our neighbors who are earning a decent living providing you these goods and services. And we think they’re worth it.”

They don’t because it’s easy to get away with these practices when virtually everyone else is doing the same thing.

The large segment of the workforce that is excluded from company provided benefits (either because of schemes like above or because the employer is too small to provide them to anyone) is reason enough to scrap the idea of a completely “free market” healthcare system.

After more than half a century of propaganda about how wonderful and good the profit motive is, it’s about time that we acknowledge that it can do just as much harm as good.

Here’s another move that works for both part time and full time employees. When they have the potential to earn more, fire them, or drastically cut their hours (in the case of part time) so that they’ll have to quit. This keeps turnover high for the low paid jobs, but these are typically the jobs that don’t take much training to do, so turnover isn’t so costly, especially in high unemployment times. It is also a backhanded way of claiming to give raises to the more experienced people, while weeding them out at the same time.

You might think that part-timers could just get other jobs to supplement their income loss but then you’d run afoul of the next “dirty trick” of employers.

This works especially well with part-timers; continually change the schedule. Employers can make up any number of bullshit reasons why this “makes sense”, “is necessary” etc. but the net effect (and likely real purpose) is to keep part-timers from looking for, let alone accepting, other work. If you don’t know until days before what your schedule is going to be it’s pretty hard to plan interviews, let alone schedule other work, especially since the other employer is probably doing the same thing with their schedules. This essentially makes part-time employees the virtual slaves of their employer, an easy and enviable position for the company, not so much for the employee.

Their only way out is to have enough savings to do without income for a period of time to look for better work (let alone the money to get the training for higher paying full time jobs). But then, those earning even twice minimum wage for only 20 to 30 hours a week aren’t likely to have much left over for savings. That’s roughly $15,000 to $22,600 a year BEFORE taxes. The middle (or median) rent in the 50 largest cities in the US for a one bedroom is about $1,235 a month with an additional $147 for utilities (data from businessinsider.com). That’s $16,584 a year! The rents are lower in places with fewer jobs and higher where there are many job opportunities. A real double bind choice, since the wages aren’t generally higher in the same proportion as the rents in the higher job opportunity locales.

In fact, the free market essentially works against these people. As more people come to these high employment cities, the limited availability of apartments causes the rents to rise, while at the same time, the abundance of job seekers keeps the wages lower. It’s a perfect arrangement for landlords and employers alike, and a perfect storm of shit for those at the bottom of the economic ladder.

And since it cheats the rest of us, not just the employees, we should also mention that when people don’t earn enough to meet basic living expenses (and are essentially barred from being able to earn more through alternative or additional jobs) the welfare and public assistance they require is paid for by the rest of us. All thanks to the for profit businesses managing to find ways to pay as little as possible, all the while bragging about the number of jobs they’ve brought to the community, while others pick up their slack. To add insult to injury, these are often the same business owners who constantly prattle about “responsibility”, “self-reliance” etc.

Now, let’s get down to the hardest core facts about this and admit that people of color make up a disproportionate share of the folks struggling at this level. True, some people manage to rise above this, but it takes extraordinary effort beyond just being talented. It takes so much more that I seriously doubt many (if any) of us born to privilege could have done so ourselves.

Using a few people who manage to succeed despite their original circumstances does not excuse the artificial obstacles placed in their way. Instead of focusing on the “feel good” story of someone succeeding against the odds, we should be looking at why the deck was stacked against them in the first place. Failing to look at the system that holds people back and justifying it as fair because a few do overcome the obstacles is the same as defending the slavery of the pre-Civil War south because a few managed to escape it.

This “Pollyanna” view of our economic system plays well into the myths we want to believe; i.e. that there are no major problems with our system, and that it is fair and “anyone” can succeed. That attitude will not help us address inequities and injustices, and the problems that continue to arise because they remain unresolved.

Most whites imagine that they are not racists as long as they don’t support the white supremacists. Not seeing that the economic practices above create and maintain poverty, and that poverty is overwhelmingly people of color, is a form of racism. It isn’t as obvious, and it’s easy to pass off as all about ambition and determination. Nevertheless, it plays its part as surely as police and justice system presumptions that suspects of color are generally violent.

Please note this last, as it will be ignored by those who are quick to condemn me as some sort of “socialist” or “communist” simply because I don’t “drink the Kool-Aid” that any and everything a business does must be good and proper because it was done in pursuit of the sacred goal of profit. My first inclination IS NOT simply more law or regulation. I see those as last resort measures.

I would rather that some prominent businesses would openly acknowledge and then disavow these practices, and set an example for others. Failing that perhaps there are ways to set up incentives to do the right thing and as a last resort more expansive legislation and regulation.

Imagining that some great political affirmation of the “good old days” can keep things the way they are (or were) is the same sort of folly that allowed French aristocrats to imagine that there could never be a revolution. I don’t want a revolution, but we’ve had almost two and a half centuries to solve this situation and the progress has been incredibly slow.

Now that more and more whites are falling into this poverty trap they should be allying with people of color to change things. Perpetuating racism benefits only the rich, white, upper class. Poor white supremacists are being played for fools the same way their ancestors were when they died in the Civil War attempting to protect the rich plantation owners, most of whom conveniently bought their way out of service in the military.

But I don’t expect any of them to figure that out. I’m sure that they’ll just use it to justify their baseless complaints that they have been deprived of something they think they deserved.

#racism #poverty #capitalism

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nerianasims · 3 years

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Billboards #1 1964

Under the cut.

Bobby Vinton – “There! I’ve Said It Again” -- January 4, 1964

*sob* This song is so bad. Is there even a beat at all? It's so slow. It should not be so slow. Vinton sounds both self-satisfied and whiny. It's a love song, I suppose, but this doesn't sound anything like love to me. It sounds like it was created by the Moral Majority. Help, I need someone.

The Beatles – “I Want To Hold Your Hand” -- February 1, 1964

Yeah, I did that on purpose. It's fashionable to hate on The Beatles these days, but I will not be joining in. "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" is not one of their best songs, but if I'd been there at the time, I'd have been screaming my head off for them too. After going through the past couple years of hits, I feel ready to scream for them now. There's a beat. There's forward motion. There's understanding how to sing a song. That wasn't totally lacking on the charts until them -- Ray Charles, after all, and some others -- but what a wasteland it's been generally. The bad stuff has been so very, very bad. Anyway. "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" -- okay song today, but pure oxygen in 1964.

The Beatles – “She Loves You” -- March 21, 1964

This is one of my favorite songs. "Hey idiot, this great girl you thought you lost due to your idiocy still loves you." Implied: Either you go on her knees to get her back or I go after her. And it doesn't sound anything like any #1 I've covered so far. Major interesting bassline, great harmonies, good drums, guitar, everything lines up perfectly.

The Beatles – “Can’t Buy Me Love” -- April 4, 1964

What else is there to say at this point? It's good. It's true. It's romantic. It's fast. McCartney knows how to sing. Notice that none of these three hits in a row are heartbreak songs? There have been way too many of those on this list, and most of them were bad. These songs are happy, and not fake happy. They're driven. They're alive.

Louis Armstrong – “Hello, Dolly!” -- May 9, 1964

The person to finally kick The Beatles down the charts was one of our greatest homegrown artists. It's like people had finally woken up after Bobby Vinton's horrible song in January. Not Louis Armstrong's best, but it's Louis Armstrong. So it's thoroughly enjoyable.

Mary Wells – “My Guy” -- May 16, 1964

Motown is well and truly here. I adore this song. It's sweet without being cloying, the beat is fun, and of course Mary Wells is amazing. And as a woman whose taste in men has never matched up with what I'm supposed to find attractive, and has taken a lot of crap for that, I connect with the song personally.

The Beatles – “Love Me Do” -- May 30, 1964

I think this is the worst of the Beatles' hits so far. Which doesn't make it bad. The harmonica's great. But the lyrics are kinda, well, dumb. Thankfully they're dumb and cheery, not dumb and doleful like so much I've covered.

The Dixie Cups – “Chapel Of Love” -- June 6, 1964

Earworm alert. That hook is a killer. The song gets at the overwhelmed, slightly stunned happiness that comes from getting married. We went to city hall, not to the chapel, but the feeling's the same. I can't say whether I like the song exactly -- the hook is so overpowering, it doesn't really give you a chance. It's in your head now, forever.

Peter & Gordon – “A World Without Love” -- June 27, 1964

The narrator doesn't have a girlfriend so he's going to hide in his room until his true love shows up. Or maybe he was dumped by his true love and therefore is going to hide? It's not very clear, which is unusual for a song written by Paul McCartney. But there's a reason he gave it to someone else. It's actually a fine song, good harmonies, good beat, very teenage sensibility without being annoying. Not too special after the last six songs though.

The Beach Boys – “I Get Around” -- July 4, 1964

I can never hear this without picturing the 1986 film Flight of the Navigator. As usual with Beach Boys songs, the music is excellent and the lyrics are deeply dumb and repetitive. So it's a fun song, but not one I go out of my way to listen to.

The Four Seasons – “Rag Doll” -- July 18, 1964

Gah Frankie Valli's falsetto again. Also it's overproduced. This guy loves a poor girl but his father says nope, she's a poor so you can't marry her, and he just accepts it. I really don't like anything about The Four Seasons.

The Beatles – “A Hard Day’s Night” -- August 1, 1964

My mom and I once rented the movie A Hard Day's Night, and were surprised at how fun it was. (She was a little young to experience the full force of Beatlemania when it hit.) The song written for the movie: Also very fun, and good, and sexy. "But when I get home to you I'll find the things that you do will make me feel all right." Things sure changed fast in 1964.

Dean Martin – “Everybody Loves Somebody” -- August 15, 1964

Dean Martin was constitutionally incapable of being serious. Sometimes his smarm worked. Not here. It could be worse, but it could be a lot better. I'd have been much happier if it had been just about anyone else's version, though Peggy Lee's is my favorite.

The Supremes – “Where Did Our Love Go” -- August 22, 1964

Have you noticed how good pop music suddenly got? It's not just The Beatles. This is a heartbreak song without a hint of schmaltz. It makes you feel better, not worse, and you can even dance to it. But it's still sad. Motown was amazing in its heyday.

The Animals – “The House Of The Rising Sun” -- September 5, 1964

I've loved this song since I was a kid. And I understood it; "gambling causes ruin" is perfectly comprehensible to an 8-year old. It's dark and real, and Eric Burdon's voice and singing give me chills. The keyboard is like nothing I've heard on this list before. I think this might be goth. It's something great, anyway.

Roy Orbison – “Oh, Pretty Woman” -- September 26, 1964

I hate the movie Pretty Woman. A lot. This song became a hit again when the movie came out. Obviously I associate this song with that movie. So I don't have an opinion about the song that's separate from a movie I hate and that Roy Orbison had nothing to do with. I'm passing on this one.

Manfred Mann – “Do Wah Diddy Diddy” -- October 17, 1964

Two number ones in a row about a pretty woman walking down the street. They sort of sound similar in parts too. Anyway, pretty woman walking down the street singing nonsense, narrator ends up making out with and then getting engaged to her. It's silly, and it's okay. "Okay" has a much higher bar than it did just last year.

The Supremes – “Baby Love” -- October 31, 1964

I have a problem with The Supremes, and it's that their first four #1 hits have exactly the same subject matter, and that subject matter is being in love with a man who no longer loves them. After this list, I'm sick of heartbreak songs, and they were never my favorite anyway. Four love songs in a row and I'd have been happy. Dance songs, ditto. But if we must have heartbreak songs, can we have a little righteous anger too? Not just plaintiveness? Anyway, "Baby Love" is a Supremes song, which means if you hear it far apart from their other songs, it's great. When I hear them together like this, though, the formula gets painful.

The Shangri-Las – “Leader Of The Pack” -- November 28, 1964

I hope this song was meant to be funny, because I find it goddamn hilarious. How'd she meet a bad boy whom she knew was sad at the candy store? I like the message that you shouldn't dump your boyfriend solely because your daddy tells you to. But I don't think there's any intended message here. I think it might be a song making fun of the 50s motorcycle bad boy aesthetic and all those "girlfriend/boyfriend died" schmaltzfests people suffered through.

Lorne Greene – “Ringo” -- December 5, 1964

A baritone spoken word piece about a Western outlaw. I doubt it would have gone anywhere if Ringo Starr hadn't been named Ringo. It's probably good for its genre, since Lorne Greene was a good actor, but I can't tell.

The Supremes – “Come See About Me” -- December 19, 1964

It doesn't sound like a heartbreak song, but of course it is. And a super severe one; she gave up all her friends for him, and then he left her too. But she still wants him back. Eesh. Of course Diana Ross doesn't sound sad singing it, because she never sounds really sad singing these songs. The technique obviously worked, but the more I think about it, the more I don't like it. It's a really good song. And not for me, now that I've actually thought this much about it.

The Beatles – “I Feel Fine” -- December 26, 1964

A sitar has been spotted! Anyway, he and his baby are in love, and he brags about buying her diamond rings. The Beatles never had any shame about buying the women in their songs stuff to make them happy. I like that. And I like this song.

BEST OF 1964: "My Guy". Yep, not a Beatles song. This is thoroughly subjective, after all. But what a lot of great songs there were this year, and how relieved I am to be able to say that. WORST OF 1964: "There! I've Said It Again", overwhelmingly.

#billboard number ones

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nctzendreamz · 5 years

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One Year Anniversary w/ BTS

a/n: i had written this so long ago, but I thought you guys might enjoy!! <3333

jin:

how would he feel?

i feel like this would be a very big deal for jin and he’d make sure you knew it too. with his hectic schedules and time being limited, the fact that you haven’t left him yet is a celebration within itself, but he still can’t help but wake up and feel like it’s a dream to be with someone he loves and admires so much.

what would y’all do?

definitely a stay in the house kind of day. you are an extreme homebody, so you didn’t have any problems with that. he would cook your favorite meal and the two of you would just eat and talk with each other about things going on. time would just be flying by with the two of enjoying each others company like it was a first date. your heart still skipped a beat when you heard his laugh, and his practically jumped out of his chest when your smiled radiated against him. expect passionate love time after your stomachs get settled as well.

what will he get you?

honestly, I feel like jin will get you a whole bunch of nick nack type of items that are special to your relationship like a picture of the two of you, a carving of a baby tiger that you can put on your table because that was your favorite animal to play with when he took you to the zoo, while also getting you a few personal things you like too, like a bracelet with your initials on it, a necklace with your favorite shape as the charm.

[[MORE]]

yoongi:

how would he feel?

yes, I’m fully aware that yoongi is not some emotionless man who doesn’t have a care in the world, but regardless I do think he’s a lowkey person. what I mean by this is that when it comes to your one year anniversary, he might feel head over heels about it, and want to plan this whole romantic thing for it, but you might catch him not exactly showing it by being all over you until later in the night. he would show you more affection with an abundance of gifts and not words.

what would y’all do?

you and yoongi usually just chilled together at your house or his when you both were free to, but for your anniversary you both agreed that you needed to leave the house and try something different. you both would get dressed up really nice, and go to an expensive restaurant, laughing at the prices of the food compared to the actual size of the meal and even though you ate it, you would end up getting fast food after. yoongi would not be able to keep his eyes off you and every time he saw you smile or heard you laugh, he would want to pull out a ring for you to be his for eternity.

what would he get you?

this is gonna so so typical lmao, but one of the things he would definitely do is write you a song. i feel like music is one of yoongi’s favorite ways to communicate, so writing you a song would be the first thing he thought of. secondly, he would get the two of you couple rings. he knew you always wanted those and he also agreed although he would never be caught saying it out loud that when the two of you were far apart, it would make him feel like you were still connected somehow. yoongi would also get you bags and bags of expensive clothes and hoodies, followed by a matching watch to the one you bought him for his birthday a couple months before.

hoseok:

how would he feel?

hoseok would be so overjoyed that you’ve made it this far, and you’re gonna know it. everyday that you’ve been together has done nothing but give him this warm feeling that he didn’t know he needed, and you truly are his best friend in the whole entire world. he loves you so much and is so grateful to have you so he’s going to do everything to make sure you understand that.

what would y’all do?

the one thing the other members always teased you and hoseok about was how “high end” you were. after you started dating hoseok, in his eyes you became one, so everything he had you had too. we all know how lavish he lives, and your 1 year anniversary would be nothing less than that. he will plan a 4 day trip to Japan. hoseok is taking you shopping until your arms fall off, you’re going to the most expensive restaurant, you’re going to the nicest hotel in the city, he’s going all out.

what would he get you?

i didn’t realize I lowkey said it above, but most definitely takes you shopping. he will legit just follow you around the store, letting you model everything you buy for him wishing he could do this all day. he’s also another member that will have you ICED OUT! more than any other member tbh. y’all will have so much matching jewelry, but his favorite was the gold J chain that you eagerly put around your neck.

namjoon:

how he feels about it?

oh does this boy love you more than anything. he might not have told you everyday, but you are his rock and his soulmate for real, yet he’s similar to yoongi in the sense that he’s not over the top about showing how he feels. actually, for the whole year you’ve been together namjoon has been lowkey, only allowing you to see his “soft” and complete boyfriend material side, nobody else. on his Instagram he posted a few aethstetic pictures and you could get the occasional women crush wednesday on his snap story, but the rest was really between the two of you. it was something you often complained about, which is why on the day of your one year namjoon really did try his best to be extra romantic.

what would y’all do?

another trip taker. he made it a surprise as he knew you’d never offer it even if you thought about it as you knew how tired he was. you woke in inside of a house with him sleeping beside you. yes, he rented a whole house for y’all to stay in for the weekend as he had to get back to work on Monday.

what did he get you?

instead of writing a song, he writes you a long poem about how favorite things about you and how much he loves you. namjoon isn’t much of a icy man, but he knows you love jewelry so he gets you plentiful.

jimin:

how does he feel about it?

y’all know jimin is somehow a soft baby but at the same time the manliest man ever. like idk what it is about him, but I soooo see him as the “I’m sweet&goofy to my baby but I can also get serious” type of guy, and that’s definitely what you’re gonna see. he’s gonna take your one year very seriously and he's so blessed to have you in his life. for every day that you’ve loved him, you’ll get all that love back in one day. he knows y’all have had your ups and down and just like Jin there were times where he swore you would leave him because of the hectic schedule, but y’all made it and he loves you so much.

what will y’all do?

thankfully, your anniversary fell on a time period where bts had some time off, so he got you a week vacation to busan, where you two honestly didn’t do anything over the top compared to hoseok. the both of you were perfectly content staying in bed all day, catching up on all the love you missed out on while the two of you were at work. he’ll continually post you all over his (private) Snapchat story to brag to all of his friends and members about the great time you’re having, and he’ll cook for you legit everyday. like it might as well be your birthday because he’s not letting you love a muscle even though it’s a mutual event.

what did he get you?

i feel like I’m saying jewelry for everyone but they all be low key blinged out I can’t help it. another couple ring appreciator. in yours, his initials were carved in the inside, and in his yours. he also gets you the most sentimental gift ever. a whole book with all your memories. pictures and pictures ft more pictures of every date, every selfie ugly or cute, and lastly a letter. in this letter jimin would tell you everything he’s never said. he’d tell you about how after the two of you hung up on FaceTime when he was on tour, he cried when he thought about the fact that he couldn’t touch you, kiss you, wipe your own tears away that he had just saw before the call ended. how just the sound of your laugh can cure any depression, sadness, or worrieness he feels. all of that.

taehyung:

how he feels about it?

it wouldn’t hit him until the day before that you two had made it this far. he would be so quiet and people would think he was upset, but in reality he couldn’t be happier. every memory would run through his mind, and it would put a permanent smirk on his face.

what will y’all do?

another trip taker. he asked you a month ago if you could go anywhere in the world where would it be, and you said Aruba. now you were in Aruba. he would be sure that he didn’t have any conflicting schedules, and would try to make it the best vacation ever. the two of you will do everything possible to do.

what did he get you? other than Aruba lmfao

a lot of clothes. he had thought long and hard about it, and he felt this was the best thing to buy. he also wrote you a letter like jimin, but he wasn’t very confident in it. he tried his best to express himself on paper, but how could he put his love for you in words? it was impossible.

jungkook:

how does he feel?

jungkook is going to try his hardest to be cool about everything. of course he will tell you how much he loves you, but he still will be fighting to be relaxed and calm about it all. it wouldn’t hit him until the day was over that he had truly reached a milestone with you.

what will y’all do?

in reality, he would want to take you on a trip so bad. he didn’t care where, he just wanted to get away with you. but he wasn’t allowed as bts was still promoting, so he had to settle on two days with you, promising more later. the fact that you said one day would’ve been okay made him feel even worse. he had let you plan it out since you told him you wanted to stay home. the two of you cooked together, failing horribly but making more memories. as you ate, you would just talk forever. it’s 1am, and you’re still talking. after that, you’re going to bed and not leaving until he has to leave again unless one of you have to pee.

what will he get you?

when he gave you a bag of photos, you thought it would be pictures of you, and some were, but a lot were pictures of nature.

“they remind me of you. even though you’re more beautiful.”

he would also get you jewelry because...it’s a must. he had a shopping spree waiting for you as well, but he was saving that for when you two actually had a vacation.

#bts #bts reaction #bts reactions #bts scenario #bts scenarios #jin #yoongi #namjoon #hoseok #jimin #taehyung #jungkook #bts fluff

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danganronpa-tng · 4 years

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EstrellAeja AU fic!

(Reminder; this is NOT CANON! This is a non killing game au where the parents still lived and had kids, but those kids weren't put in a killing game. I wrote this ages ago when we first made TNG so excuse the probably poor writing lol)

Enjoy!!

Aeja had been living with her girlfriend, Estrella, for around two years now, and everything was going well. Estrella was, quite honestly, chaotic, but she was fun to be around. Aeja was the opposite- calm and organised, but still able to take a laugh. Estrella had gotten Aeja a job at her Dad's detective agency, but as far as Aeja knew, Estrella's 'job' was her organisation. She didn't let much slide about her organisation, but she liked to brag to everyone about the amount of members she had and how she practically controlled the world from behind the scenes. Today, Aeja finally decided to ask Estrella what she did. "Hey, Estrella?" She sat at the table, placing a plate of toast down in front of her. "Mm?" Estrella was already eating when she sat. Estrella had the biggest appetite out of anyone she knew. "So, you run DICE now, right?" "Yep! I thought you knew this..?" Estrella raised an eyebrow at Aeja, her raising one back, in character as a copycat. This got a smirk out of them both. "Yeah, but I was just wondering... what do you actually do?" Aeja asked. "Well, we-" "Aside from manipulating governments, controlling the Black market and taking over the world." "...Ah. I see you've thought this through, miss detective-in-training!" She giggled, crossing her legs. "Well, if we're being honest, it's usually either petty pranks, petty crimes, or first degree murder." "Wh- first degree murder?!" Aeja asked, coughing slightly on her toast. "Well, if there's someone you need gone, there's only one good way to do it- yourself!" She explained nonchalantly. "Speaking of, anyone been bothering my girlfriend lately, huh~?" Estrella teased, but it sounded like there was a hint of sincerity behind it. "No, everything's been fine. There's this one criminal that your father is finding hard to catch, but other then tha-" "Name." "What?" She asked. "Do they have a name? Just wondering. Some criminals- heh, like my members- stay anonymous." Estrella explained. Aeja knew Estrella like the back of her hand, and she knew when her girlfriend was lying to her, but she decided to humor her. "Yasmeen Chance. Not much of a threat physically, but she's robbed a few places." She explained. "Huh. Well, as long as you're good, I couldn't give a shit about the places she's robbed." Estrella said with an air of finality. Aeja had to laugh at her reactions to things.

Aeja did find it odd, though, that a certain Yasmeen Chance was reported dead two days later. Suicide, they told her. Seemed mighty suspicious, but hey, she was out of Aeja's hair. She'll take it. "Hey, Estrella?" She called when she got home that day. "Welcome home, miss detective-in-training! How was your day?" Estrella came out of her room to greet her. "Mmm, not bad, but..." "Buuuut?" "Remember that girl I was telling you about?" "Yasmeen? Yeah, I remember her. What's up?" "She's dead. Got reported dead today." "Yeah, I know." Aeja froze at that. "You... know?" "Yeah?" "That information was confidential, only released to the family and the agency." Estrella just shrugged. "I have eyes and ears everywhere, Aeja. Perks of running an organisation!" She smiled nonchalantly before walking into the kitchen. "Want me to get started on dinner while you get changed?" "...Sure. Sure, thanks." "Anytime, detective--" "Detective-in-training?" "Ahh, you know me so well!" Estrella giggled, before setting herself to work.

Later on, after dinner, Aeja had gone out to get some groceries. When she came back, she came in to Estrella on the phone. "...Yep, it all worked out. Everyone thinks it was a suicide. Even Dad and Aeja, and they're great at seeing through lies. I think Pops might have guessed what happened, but even if he did, he wouldn't tell." "...I just don't want Aeja to be having a hard time. She's dealt with enough in her life. Anything I can do to make things easier for her, I will. Even if it ends a life, I'll do it. For her, y'know?" "...Ah, sorry. Got a bit melodramatic there for a second!" "...Yeah, you did great. Thanks, 7. I'll pay you when I get in tomorrow." "...Yes, you're getting paid. When do I ever skip out on payment, especially for a murder this complex?" "...It's no problem. A boss needs to pay their employees, after all! Besides, everyone works really hard, it wouldn't be fair to underpay you guys." "Oh, actually, remind me to talk to you guys tomorrow about something. It's important... to me, anyways. I know I keep asking you guys for favors, but I'm really freakin' incompetent. Besides, y'all are really helpful when I need these favors." "...Thanks, 7. You're the best! "...You too, 7. Have a great night!" And then she hung up. That explained how Estrella knew that Yasmeen was dead- she orchestrated her death! But how did she get everyone to believe it was a suicide? They had everyone fooled, even her own dad. If Estrella was anyone else to her, Aeja would have to report this. But she did this for her, just to make things easier. It was a weird feeling. She'd never had someone aside from her parents care about her that much before. So maybe she'd just leave her be. "Hey, sweetie! I'm home." "Ah! Welcome back, miss detective-in-training~!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was the 28th of May. One day before Aeja's birthday. It had also been two days since Estrella had been home. She wasn't concerned; Estrella had been texting and calling her the whole time. Apparently she got roped into going on one of the longer heists a bit across the country, but she had kept in contact with Aeja, so she knew she was OK. It still got lonely being home alone, though. Especially when you're used to waking up each morning to a playful kiss on the cheek and a small song from your eccentric girlfriend every day, for two years. She was supposed to be home that day, in time for her birthday, but then Aeja got another call. "Hey, Aeja..?" "Hey, sweetie. What's up?" "Ah, nothing, I just wanted to talk to you..!" "...Uh huh. Now, what's really up?" Estrella sighed. "I just found out the heist got delayed a day..." "...oh." "I don't think I'll be home tomorrow. I'm really sorry, Aeja!" "It's... it's fine. Just call me before you do the heist, ok?" "Ok, honey. Sorry." "It's no problem. I'll see you in a few days." "See you, miss detective-in-training..!" Click. She had heard Estrella's words, but it took them a moment to sink in. And when they did, Aeja found a tear dripping down her face. Then another. Soon, she was sitting on the couch, sobbing into her hands. She had been so excited to spend her birthday with Estrella, and now all she'd get was a call. It could be worse, though. At least she'd still get to hear her voice. But that was all she was gonna get. Maybe she was being too selfish. Any money they made from the heist would help them pay rent and the likes. At least she wasn't off sleeping with other women. "M... maybe I can spend the day with Dad and Father..." She sniffled, before reaching for her phone and dialing her Dad's number. "Hey, Dad..." "Ah, Aeja! How are you?" "Ok, I guess. Hey, are you and Father free tomorrow? Y'know, 'cause-" "Ah, sorry honey. Me and your father are out of town tomorrow. I didn't think there was anything on. Sorry!" "Ah... No problem. Have a good time with Father." "We will. See you soon, honey!" "Bye." Click. Great. She was alone on her birthday. Totally alone. Could it get any worse?

"Well, hey. At least she bought it! I mean, sure, I could feel her heart breaking, but it'll all be ok! Hehehe... Aren't I such a great liar?"

It was the next day, the 29th. Aeja, not having anything better to do with Estrella and her parents being out of town, decided to go into work. She had the day booked off, but she figured she may as well earn some extra cash. Besides, working on cases takes her mind off things. When she got to the detective agency, Saihara wasn't there, but Ouma was. "Ah, good morning Mr. Ouma. Is Mr. Sahara out?" "Oh, Aeja? No, my dear Shumai died. Isn't it tragic?" Ouma lied, placing a hand across his forehead for dramatic effect. "Yes, truly so." She took that as a yes. "Hmmmm... Say, isn't it your birthday? Why are you here? Got nothing better to do on your day off then work? Lame." Ouma questioned. "Well, no actually. My parents are out of town, and Estrella's been off on a heist for days, so-" "A heist? No way. If it's a big important one that takes up days, I go to watch. I would've heard something." Ouma waved his hand around a bit, grabbing a bottle of Panta off the table beside him. "...what?" Was all Aeja could say. Estrella had been gone for days on something that didn't even exist? Estrella was a good liar, but not this good. "Yep. Sounds like she pulled a fast one on ya, kiddo! Nishishishishishi~" He giggled playfully. "...Well, then." "Welly welly well well well! Kinda proud of my own daughter pulling off such an elaborate lie. Anyways, no harm, no foul. It sucks watching this dump alone. Wanna stick around? You don't hafta work, if you don't wanna. I have a deck of cards handy, so, uh..?" "Do you know how to play Texas Hold 'Em?" "Who doesn't?! No guarantees I won't cheat though, nishishishi!" "Estrella does too, I'm used to it. Sure, let's play." Estrella. Even saying her name right now hurt. She decided to try and drown her feelings of anger and confusion and sadness by keeping a grown man from cheating against her. Keeping an eye on his every move kind of distracted her a bit.

(I don't know how poker works, bear with me)

Eventually, Saihara came back, just at the end of a round. "Ah, good evening Mr. Saihara. How was your evening?" "Remember we talked about first names? You're practically my daughter too. Same with Kokichi!" "Yeah, she's been calling me Mr. Ouma all evening. Although, I suppose it'll be Mr Saihara-Chan too soon~" "Oh you two are engaged? Congratulations." "Well, yes. Although we don't know who's taking which name yet, we are engaged! Anyways, back to the topic, my evening was very pleasant, thank you. How was your d- wait, isn't it your birthday?" "Yes." "And she spent it playing poker against me, and losing!" "You've only beat me once." "Still!" Ouma pouted, taking another drink out of his second bottle of Panta. "If I remember correctly, you had today booked off, right? Aren't you supposed to be at home with Estrella?" "She was... Out of town today, I guess." "Huh, weird. Anyways, you can head home, if you'd like. I'll still pay you for coming in. Think of it as your birthday gift!" "Thanks, Mr. Sai- Shuichi. Have a good day. You too, Kokichi." "See ya, kid!" "Have a good day, Aeja!" As Aeja put on her coat and walked out the door, she heard Saihara mutter 'Do you think I kept her too long! She'll be waiting...' If 'she' was Estrella, she'd sure as hell be waiting for an angry phone call from her as soon as she got home. But when she got home, she noticed the door cracked open. She always locked the door before leaving. Someone had broken in. Aeja sprinted in the house to check what had happened. Whoever broke in obviously hadn't taken much, but they'd left a trail to the kitchen. A small trail of blood. She followed it quickly, before stopping abrubtly at seeing the kitchen. A few plates were smashed, the tablecloth was on the floor, the vase of roses she had gotten Estrella a few weeks ago was smashed, the water in a puddle and the roses missing, and, most suspiciously, a note on the table, a small bloodstain in the corner. 'If you want to know what happened here, go to this address. I know you love a good mystery. And I'd say your girlfriend may be happy to see you!' The address of a small restaurant her and Etrella frequented was scribbled on the sheet, underneath the message. It wasn't Estrella's handwriting, which made this worse. At least if it was her, she could relax. But now someone had broken in to her house on her birthday, which would just add more to her workload the next day, and kidnapped her girlfriend. Estrella must have gotten home while she was out. She quickly rang Saihara to explain what happened, in tears the whole time, then rushed back out to find the restaurant. Usually Estrella directed her, so finding it was a small challenge. Estrella. Earlier she could barely say the name for hatred, now she couldn't even think of her without sobbing. She eventually found it, noticing quite quickly it was empty. She thought the door would be locked, but it opened without a hitch. Rushing in and up the stairs (you never keep a hostage on the ground floor) she expected to see the captor, or at least Estrella tied up so she could free her. What she did see was... Something else.

Rose petals were scattered across the floor, all of the tables and chairs moved to the side, candles burning in the corners of the room, a soft instrumental to a song Aeja loved, the bunch of roses that went missing, and Estrella. In a dress Aeja had never seen before, a clown mask covering everywhere above her mouth and nose, and her hair down. "Hey, miss detective-in-training." Aeja was speechless. She didn't understand what was going on. "Wh... But... You- the note... there was blood... A-are you-?" "Oh, right. I should probably make sure you know I'm who I say I am." She took off her mask and held her hair beside her head, making her look kind of how she normally looked. "Happy Birthday, honey!" And the next thing Estrella knew, she was wrapped in a sobbing Aeja's embrace. "Don't... *hic* don't ever do that to me again! I thought... I thought I'd lost you..." "Awww, Aeja... You could never lose me. I'm too good to die." Some laughter came between the sobs, making it hard to tell if she was shaking from laughter or sadness. "Anyways, I won't need to do this again. Not if you say what I hope you'll say, anyways." "Wh... What..?" Estrella pulled away from the embrace, fiddling around in a pocket as she spoke, her eyes always on Aeja. "Aeja Hinata Komaeda." "Oh g-god, you used my full name, eheheh- *hic*" "Yeah. Anyways, Aeja Hinata Komaeda. We have been together for two years, and it has been the best two years of my life. You are the best, most smartest-" "Most smartest..?" "Shut up- person I have ever met and I don't deserve someone as good as you. You help cheer me up when I'm sad, make me keep trying even when I feel like quitting, and hell, you give me a reason to get out of bed in the morning! I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you by my side, because like I said, I don't deserve you. But in case you, for some reason, think I do..." She got down on her knees, then adjusted so she was on one knee. She pulled a box out of the pocket she was fiddling with, opening it. Aeja gasped. "Oh... Oh my goodness..." Estrella took a deep breath. "Aeja Hinata Komaeda. Will you do me the honour of being my wife?" And for a moment, aside from the soft music playing, all was silent. After a moment of wiping her tears and fixing her composure... "Yes. Yes! Oh my goodness, yes!" "Oh... Oh my fuckin- thank God..!" And Estrella was up on her feet, and they were in each others arms again, laughing through the tears of happiness they couldn't hold back. "You... You have no idea how long this took to plan... I had DICE in on it, and my dads, and your dads-" "Wait, Dad and Father?! I thought they were out of town..?" "Nah, I just asked them to lie if you called, which I'm guessing you did, huh? And not to mention the days away from you. God, that was torture!" "You're telling me..! It was so lonely without you at home!" "I know, I know..." Estrella said softly, running her fingers through Aeja's hair. It usually comforted them both when she did that. "It'll never happen again, I promise..." "...I missed you..." "I missed you too. I'm sorry if I made you upset." "It's ok... *hic* it was all worth it, just for this..." "Well, phew. If not, that was alot of time and effort gone to waste." They were just laughing now, feeling comfort in each other's presence. Once the ring was on Aeja's finger, they just swayed to the slow music playing. They were happy with eachother. And that's all they needed right now. Eachother.

"Your parents are engaged now, by the way." "Wait, WHAT?! When the FUCK did that happen?!"

-End-

#Danganronpa TNG #AU #Estrella Ouma #Aeja Komaeda #Estrellaeja

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greenninjagal-blog · 5 years

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White Lily Guardian (pt2)

Summary: Virgil shows up at a funeral for his distance cousin, but someone forgot to tell him Remy named him the next-in-line guardian of his son Thomas. And taking care of a kid might just been the least of Virgil’s problems when Thomas’s (unpleasant) grandmother is in the mix.

Words: 3035

Part One

Featuring: Virgil, kid!Thomas, Emile Picani, and mentions of the dreaded dragon witch and best dad!remy (along with a car crash)

Taglist: @background-noise-headache @prplzorua @pumpkinminette @puns-and-patton

General Taglist: @felicianoromano @jemthebookworm

“I’m sorry you had to find out this way,” Picani says, with a hint was resentment in his tone, about an hour after Madam Hydrus had removed herself from the property.

Virgil doesn’t say anything, but he agrees with the older man so much its nearly overwhelming. His mind is alarmingly quiet, his shoulders hunched in anticipation for the onslaught of pure, unadulterated panic he knows is coming: it feels a lot like he’s walking right next to a cliffside with a blindfold on—why is he doing this, why can’t he just take the blind fold off, why can’t he just walk away? Or better yet, why can’t he just fall already?

Then Picani will see that he is unfit to be a parent and he’ll be able to move Thomas to the next family member Remy picked out, someone who isn’t that awful snakelike lady that had made Thomas cry so hard. Thomas doesn’t deserve this, any of it.

He didn’t deserve to have his father taken away so suddenly, to have all these people look down on him with pity, to have someone who terrifies him very nearly take him away. He certainly doesn’t deserve to have someone as awful as Virgil come through and try to make up for everything he lost.

Virgil doesn’t even know what kind of person Remy was, much less what kind of dad. Was he the kind that wanted to be involved in every aspect of Thomas’s life? Did he bake cookies in the kitchen and show up to the PTA meetings and brag about how amazing Thomas was until every other parent hated him? Or was he a recluse? Did he let Thomas come to him with questions rather than go asking for them and never respond to teacher emails or show up to meetings because he knew everything that was important about Thomas already?

Virgil looks down at Thomas, who was tucked into his chest. Virgil is by no means the type of guy who works out, but even then, he can still carry Thomas from the front lawn into the house with only a mild amount of strain (Did Remy carry him like that? Oh, fuck, what if he was carrying the kid wrong?). The house is strangely quiet, and tense and the same feeling settles over them like a knife poised just between Virgil’s shoulder blades. Even Thomas’s sobs become breathless hiccups. Picani motions Virgil to follow him up the stairs and he’s struck by the strange amount of familiarity that the man has for this place.

Who was he again?

A lawyer of some sort? Someone who had access to Remy’s will at least.

Virgil doesn’t remember the upstairs of the house, which is really no surprise. He’d never dare exploring a house that wasn’t his even as an adult. There was something about it that his shoulders tense, waiting for someone to pop out of the rooms and ask him what he was doing. Even with Picani leading the way and Thomas in his arms, Virgil could feel the walls judging him.

There are pictures on the walls, but Picani doesn’t bother turning on the lights and its too dark to see what they are. Somehow that doesn’t help Virgil’s anxiety much.

They come to a room which Picani pushes open and turns on the light. Virgil hesitates to follow. He’s not sure why, because the room is far more inviting than the dark, dreary hallway. Thomas buries his head into Virgil’s shoulder, and it’s a little uncomfortable but he can’t bring himself to complain about it.

Inside the room it’s warm—in all senses of the word. Virgil feels like he stepped into a sauna the second his shoes slip through the doorway. It surprises him, slightly, because he hadn’t realized how cold he was until then. Beside that, its decorated like a kid’s paradise: action figures from several cartoons all over the place—some of which Virgil vaguely remembers from years and years ago with a tiny smile—poster from video games and Disney, and a coffee table had construction papers, glitter, and glue. Picani quickly walks to a rather large wooden desk (decorated in children’s crayon drawings of houses and dogs and blobs that probably meant something to a kid somewhere) and rifles through a stack of papers on the top of it.

When he turns back around, he’s holding a packet of papers that makes Virgil’s insides a little squeamish; it looks like a every instructional manual Virgil has ever been handed. Was this “How To Tell When Someone Is an Unfit Parent for Dummies”? Because Virgil could save them both time and just announce to him that he was the least fit person to be taking care of a kid. He had come to the funeral in a rented suit because he didn’t have one himself, there’s still paint on his knuckles that he couldn’t wash off in time for the service, and he forgets to eat at least twice a day.

Virgil’s childhood was limited to the tabulations of his parents’ moods towards him, but even he knows that he couldn’t take care of a small living human being when he could barely take care of himself most days. It isn’t fair to Thomas.

“Oh, uh,” Picani says, and vaguely motions to a couch that was decorated in handmade quilts, “You can, uh, set him down.”

Virgil feels more than stupid as he shuffles towards the couch and juggles the armful of Thomas that he has in order to set him on the couch. Especially when Thomas doesn’t let go of him and instead tightens his arms around Virgil’s neck.

“Don’t!” Thomas gasps between his hiccups.

“Thomas—” Virgil says softly, “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right next to you.”

He shakes with his whole body, and for a long moment Virgil worries that Thomas will never let him go again and they’ll be stuck together like a parasite and it’s host.

“Promise?” Thomas’s voice cracks Virgil’s heart right in half. He can feel the shards of it puncturing his lungs.

“How about this, you can hold my hand while we sit, okay?” Virgil suggests even though his own skin feels feverish and his neck itches where Thomas’s wrists had pressed against him. He can’t remember the last time he let someone touch him (it might have been Remy himself for all he knew).

Thomas’s arms move away, slowly, slowly, and then he buries his head in a blanket before Virgil can even see the tear tracks on his bright red cheeks. Virgil sits down right next to him and its only a second more before pudgy little kid fingers squeeze around his.

Virgil glances up at Picani to find the man watching the two of them with a painful smile. He wipes his eye with the sleeve his dress jacket and resets his glasses with a deep breath.

“I’m really sorry you had to find out this way.” He says again. “Remy was going to contact you this weekend to ask your permission, but he insisted that he needed it written legally sooner than that.”

“Why?” Virgil asks and even he isn’t sure what he means. Why did Remy choose him? Why didn’t Remy tell him sooner? Why did Remy get it legal written down in his will before he asked? Why was Virgil so scared right now?

Picani sighs heavily. He taps two fingers on the packet. “I wish I knew, Mr. Quies.”

Virgil flinches at the use of his last name. He never uses it if he can help it; too many bad memories growing up as part of the Quies family. He never fit in with them, never quite lived up to be anything other than a disappointment for his parents, never enjoyed the way it rolled of so many people’s tongues in a derogatory manner. When he had moved out—and away—he had started using the surname Storm. Virgil Storm sounded better, and it didn’t come with emotional baggage.

Virgil makes a noise in the back of his throat, somewhere between clearing it and trying to say something but not knowing what. He glances at Thomas.

“Picani—”

“Emile, actually, if you please,” He says with a wince.

“Emile,” Virgil corrects himself, “I don’t—Remy and I—I can’t….” He twists his bangs out of his face just to do something with his hand. The man in the half lenses waits patiently for Virgil to articulate himself. “I’ve never taken care of a kid.”

Thomas squeezes his hand tightly. Virgil thinks he lost feeling in two fingers, but he doesn’t try move.

“I’m not the best fit for Thomas’s caretaker. I didn’t even know Remy. We talked one time when we were kids. Are you sure it was me on that will and not someone else?”

Emile leans back against his desk, still careful not to crush any of the drawings. “I’m honestly not sure I’m the right person to ask. Remy and I were good friends, but even then we didn’t talk about everything. When he announced that he was changing his will to remove me as Thomas’s next-in-line guardian I thought it was a joke--”

Virgil’s stomach drops out at the comment. He feels sick again, the rolling nausea sweeping over him like a wave. That sounded right—all of it sounded right. Virgil didn’t know why someone would joke about that, but Remy had to have been joking because Emile was a well put together man, who Thomas knew better than he knew Virgil.

“Thank goodness it wasn’t.” Emile continues, much like a wrecking ball to the train of thought in Virgil’s head. It leaves his ears ringing.

“What?”

This time Emile looks at him with those dark eyes, “I love Thomas. I really do. But I can’t be his caretaker. I’d lose him.”

“Lose him?” Virgil repeats, remembering every time his parents had forgotten him at the supermarket or in the mall and the weekends were he just didn’t go home and no one was suspicious of it.

“Yes, um,” He fixes his glasses, “Due to a few infractions of the law in my childhood, I can’t legally adopt a child. I can run a therapist office,” He waves a hand around the room, “but I can’t have one of my own. Especially not Thomas.”

Virgil isn’t entirely unsure of what to make of that comment. First off Emile Picani looks a lot like a single breeze might knock him down, and the way he had shriveled up at the sight of Madam Hydrus wasn’t helping his case. However, he was also admitting that he at some point broke several laws? Laws that prevented him from taking care of a kid?

But this was Thomas.

“Madam Hydrus,” Emile says lightly. He picks up a figurine of Ursula from his desk and considers it. “She is Thomas’s mother’s mother. Extremely high class. Had she found out her daughter and Remy had been a thing back from Thomas’s birth, she undoubtedly would have put a stop to it. Her daughter—Thomas’s mother and Remy’s girlfriend at the time—died in childbirth due to a complication. Remy took it hard. Madam Hydrus took it harder.”

Emile sets the figurine back down. “She has been trying to gain custody of Thomas since his birth, declaring Remy an unfit parent. Every other week she had lawyers harassing them. I’m not sure what Thomas’s mother told Remy about her, but Remy refused to let her see him, refused to leave his son’s side when the woman was anywhere near.

“I believe her intention was to keeping sending lawyers in an attempt to run Remy out of money. When he no longer could support a child the judge would have to rule in her favor. However, Remy was a business major who knew how to maintain and predict the stock market.” Emile pauses, “That’s how we met actually. I asked him to help me learn the stock market. I’m a terrible student. But Remy tried, so hard. He was a good person. He really was. When my landlord kicked me out, he immediately offered me a few spare rooms here as long as I paid rent.”

Virgil nods, the sick feeling in his stomach bubbling. Beside him Thomas shifts again, quiet, oh-so-quiet. The warmth of the room makes his dress shirt collar stick to his neck.

“When Thomas turned three, Remy asked me to take guardianship of Thomas should anything happen to him. He was paranoid that Madam Hydrus would get tired of sending lawyers and might escalate to sending not-so-polite people. He wanted to make sure that if he did pass unexpectedly there would be someone else lined up to take in Thomas that was not Madam Hydrus.”

Virgil tenses, “What?”

“He—”

“Are you saying Madam Hydrus paid someone to kill Remy?” Virgil says. Oh, and there’s the panic: his foot has slipped off the steady edge of the metaphorical cliff and Virgil is free falling to his death. His lungs feel two sizes too small for his chest, and all the oxygen in the world doesn’t seem to be able to fill them. He rips his hand from Thomas’s and claws at his collar, struggles with the tie that is acting as a noose around his neck.

Remy was dead—Remy was dead because Madam Hydrus had him killed. Madam Hydrus was the same woman that Virgil just told off and then announced he would be taking in Thomas. What was stopping her from having him killed? Virgil was going to end up dead. By this time next week Virgil would be decorated with white lilies and people would be standing in his living room talking about how sad it was that he was gone.

“Mr. Quies! Virgil!” Emile is suddenly by kneeling by his side, “Virgil I need you to breathe with me. Breathe—In, yes hold it! Out….”

Virgil’s had panic attacks before. They normally leave him curled in the corner of his apartment with his own nails clawing through his hair, and his chest aching from too short of breaths. It’s another reason why he’s not fit to be a parent, because how can he take care of a kid when he can suddenly shut down like this. What if there was an emergency and Virgil wasn’t able to protect Thomas?

“In….” Emile says again, and Virgil strains to force his lungs to follow the instruction. “hold….Out….”

It takes a few minutes to calm him back down. It feels like hours. Actually the whole day has felt like eternity, drawing on and on and on. Virgil is suddenly aware that Emile in kneeling in front of him, speaking soothing words that mean absolutely nothing to him.

Thomas…

Virgil glances to his left where the kid had been, fully expecting Thomas to have bolted the second Virgil started acting weird. But he didn’t. Thomas is sitting there beside him, watery eyes and a nose fully of snot that he wipes on his arm.

“Dad… does that too,” Thomas says, between the sniffles.

Oh good, Virgil shares exactly one thing with Remy and it’s his panic attacks.

“Thomas,” Emile says quietly, “Can you grab a cup of water?”

Virgil has half a mind to tell them he doesn’t need a cup of water (He needs to have a chat with Remy and ask him what the hell he was thinking), but Thomas is already up and dashing out of the room. Virgil sinks back into the couch.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Quies—”

“Virgil.” He rasps out because the name is causing him to flinch and he doesn’t have the energy to suppress it anymore. “Virgil, or Storm, or anything that isn’t that name.”

“Virgil,” Emile nods like it isn’t weird at all, “That was my fault. I wasn’t paying attention to my words. Madam Hydrus did not so anything…illegal. The police found no sign of foul play. Remy was driving on too little sleep and he slid off the road, into a tree.”

Which Virgil had read all about in the obituaries online during the flight here. Which he knew was the truth. Which didn’t stop the feeling in his gut from twisting over and over like some mutant alien parasite.

“Remy was paranoid,” Emile says with a sad frown, “But he made up his mind. He wanted someone he trusted who didn’t have a record that Madam Hydrus could exploit in court.”

“Am I…the only one?” Virgil asks.

Emile makes a face that tells him the answer. Of course, he is. That’s why they’re having this conversation. That’s why it’s Virgil’s name on the will and not anyone else’s.

“He left you most of his finances,” Emile says, “As long as you agree to take care of Thomas.”

“I am the least fit person to take care of any kid, Emile,” Virgil reiterates because all the money in the world won’t change that fact.

Thomas scoots back into the room, with a bathroom cup of water that he’s trying very hard no to spill. He gives it to Virgil, before climbing up on the couch next to him again. Before Virgil knows what he’s doing he runs his hand through Thomas’s hair, and the kid almost flops into him.

Emile watches the entire thing with a miniscule smile on his lips.

“I beg to differ, Virgil,” He says, “I think you are the most fit person.”

Virgil isn’t sure what it is about the other man, about the room, about Thomas, but sitting there, exhausted out of his mind, he thinks that Emile isn’t entire right (because after all Remy was the best person to take care of his kid), but Virgil might just be willing to try.

“I’ll get in contact with Remy’s lawyers.” Emile promises.

Virgil nods to show that he heard, but all he can really focus on is the softness of Thomas hair and the weight of the kid on his shoulder. He sinks back into the couch.

“You should get some sleep.”

Virgil is way ahead of him.

#white lily guardian au #remy sanders #virgil sanders #thomas sanders #Virgil adopts a kid #kid!thomas #emile picani #dragon witch #Please just overlook any factual inaccuracies #i'm tired

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ghostickori · 5 years

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something has happened, and i wanted to share it with you guys because it may affect this blog in the distant future. also, i need answers. [TRIGGER WARNING: eating disorders, self-harm, suicidal ideation]

so something happened. something big, and good, and important.

let me give you a bit of background information, because i’ve never really let anyone know about all of this (at once--only bits and pieces, never the most important parts and never altogether), and i just want it out in the open. because now is the first time i can say with full honesty that i’m almost 100% better.

i was... traumatized, as a child. i’d prefer not to go much further into it, because it’s very complicated and i technically hold a biased opinion about it because of my experience. anyway, some police reports were filed against my dad when i was in 8th grade, but nothing ever happened, because it was my word against his.... blah blah blah. My therapist told me I had PTSD, among other things. I was scared of men, and I was numb. so numb.

anyway, that happened about 3 years ago, and i was different since my mom and i moved out and rented our first place across our small town (the first of many we rented. we just moved into a real house--not a rental, but one that we own--about a month ago with my mom’s wonderful fiance, making this the 6th and final time i’ve moved since 8th grade). i had meltdowns at first, and then i overate, and then i self-harmed, and then it got worse.

my therapist called what happened afterward overcontrolled behavior. i called it having an eating disorder and social anxiety, as well as a dependence on prescription pills i shouldn’t have been prescribed in the first place. i was a wreck from the start. we moved back in with my dad around christmas time, and i got worse. the longest i’ve ever gone without eating was 4 days at the time. i bragged about it. it was my biggest achievement, and i was so proud of myself for it. i wanted to go longer. i wanted to hit 7, then 8--maybe even 10. in 9th grade, it all really hit me, and i lost about 30 pounds in 2 months (give or take), and i stopped being proud of the amount of time i starved for, because it was never long enough. I starved for as long as i could get away with, because everything needed to be perfect, and i needed to be perfect, and i felt like if i put one piece of food in my mouth i suddenly meant nothing. and then no one would care about me, and no one would ask how i was doing.

then 10th grade. a new school, way too rigorous, but i loved it. i loved having panic attacks over grades, i loved losing sleep for that one a-grade on the math test. i loved the rush i got from the starvation and the caffeine and the pure STRESS of everything being put on me at once. five projects in a week, two in-class essays in a day, tests and tests and projects and projects--piling and piling and piling on top of me until i was suffocating. i loved it. i derived a sick pleasure from it.

and you wanna know why?

i hated myself. so much. i wanted to be in pain. every type of pain. physical, mental, emotional. i ruined relationships just so i could get what i deserved, and it was all so selfish of me, but i thought i was being selfless. i thought i was repenting. i thought i was doing god’s fucking work.

and why am i telling you this?

because i’ve never been able to look back at all these things and think to myself, “i was a fucking dumbass”. not until now. these things i did used to make so much sense to me, and the rationale behind my habits and behaviors held a certain simplicity and ease that i found comfort in. i did this, because i deserved it. i broke off that relationship to save them from me

and now, for some odd reason, they don’t make sense at all. and i don’t know what happened, but i’m afraid i’ll shift back to whatever twisted mindset that was when school starts again in a month.

because everything that happened with my dad changed me. it made me truly hate myself with every fibre of my being. i did so many self-destructive things, and i didn’t ever want to change and get better. i went to so many therapists, and i never listened to them. i just went because i had no one else to care about me. i convinced myself that everyone else was stupid (even my therapists, can you believe that?)) and that i was the only sane one who knew what was good for me. i was numb. i haven’t cried in 2 years. i felt nothing. but now, all of the sudden, i feel everything. and so many positive emotions have been rediscovered.

i thought i’d never be the same, after the thing with my dad. and i was okay with that. but i’m starting to think i’ve shifted back to the person i used to be, before everything. and i need answers. i want to know that this is real, and not some sort of weird hormone thing, because i don’t wanna go back. if anyone has any knowledge about psychology and wants to message me for more details--if you think you can try and rationalize all of this wonderful bullshit--please reach out to me.

anyway, as far as the blog goes, i made this when i was very unstable. i still love the concept of ghostcore--i mean, come on, it’s my brainchild--, but i may change it up a bit, expand on my collections and cool it with the moodboards. this blog has actually stressed me out a bit and its a reminder of everything i was before (since the idea of ghostcore is, for me, a visual model of my inner demons and mental problems), so i’m just trying to change the image of this blog a bit, find a different approach for me personally (i am in no way speaking for crow when i say that).

my therapist talked to me the other day. she said i seemed different. better. she even said she felt comfortable spacing our sessions apart by three weeks. just last year, we had two sessions a week because i was having passive suicidal thoughts and ideation. just thinking how far i’ve come is amazing. i used to think about any progress i’d made and automatically have the urge to sink back down to square 1. because i constantly strove to get worse, to see how far i could go. and yet here i am. just basking in my life’s glory.

anyway yeah i need answers. thank you guys, sorry for the rant --francis

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fortunei · 4 years

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chaotic good apartment AU snippets 01

a/n: it’s just a simple thing for fun, easy, cheesy thing that I’d at times sketch or types in writerblock/just to cheer myself up

spoiler: it’s hilda/lys

Today is the supposed day when Hilda will be back from her business trip, if it is not rescheduled suddenly like before. No, it’s not like Lysithea is not used to have the space in the apartment all by herself, or that she missed Hilda’s noisiness—well, it is actually the latter, but she will never admit it, not in front of Hilda.

The pink-haired young woman might be a CEO of herself, but her span of businessventure (one of Hilda’s favorite vocabulary, check) would make her to go on places. Not to mention, Claude, her past employer when she was still active as a beautician, at times would get an opportunity for Hilda to be somewhere around the country, introducing her brands or holding a one-day seminar. All in all, Lysithea has far used with the fact that Hilda will be away for longer than she would ever take a trip out of the town, be it when they are living together below one roof or not.

Then again, this is one of the day when Lysithea can come to pick her up at the train station per usual, as a ‘guest’ bested her: Lysithea will sometimes forget that her workaholic tendency spells a bad omen, especially to her health. It might be those average cold because the season alternate between spring and summer, but if a virus made its way to her, she will need a longer time to recuperate.

Lysithea was adept on taking care of herself, but of course she knew that anyone else—especially Hilda—won’t be able to hide their worries. Too much worrying might become a nagging, but Lysithea was relieved every now and then to know that someone cares about her.

Hilda has been trying to call her since yesterday since Lysithea texted her that she was sick and couldn’t make it to pick her up. It’s not like she wanted to ignore the calls, she just can’t move too much to reach her phone when the call came. She is afraid to call Hilda in later time when she’s good enough to step out from bed and settle in the living room for quick food and medicine, afraid that the pinkette was busy at the moment that she might disturb her job rather than not.

“It is a fine Saturday too, Hilda may like it if we visit back the café for espresso before we got home …”

Lysithea mumbled to no one in particular.

Tucked in the warm sheets of the bed, she looked over to the curtain that she left half-open since two days ago when she was home with fever. The sunrays didn’t bother her, it provided more comfort than having to be using lamp around daytime. Her fever wasn’t that bad, the medicine helps so that she can take her rest, though sometimes the headache won’t leave so fast.

Since early in the morning, her head felt so heavy that she has yet to leave for a meal. Lysithea has timed inwardly that she won’t miss the medication as long as she can make it before noon, so she has been trying to build up strength while staying awake.

Her eyes peered to the wall clock. Hilda’s train would be around 8 PM per usual, then another half an hour by bus to reach their shared apartment. The day is still long until Lysithea can finally see Hilda again and the sick woman can’t help about it.

Their shared bed might not be so big, but it will feel empty if it’s only one of them alone sleeping on it.

Their rented apartment might only a single bedroom, clutters of their mixed belongings are everywhere that sometimes the space is cramped, but it will be awfully vacant as Lysithea tidied her stuff during her alone time.

Her phone has stopped buzzing since last night, perhaps she forgot on charging and it ran out of battery without her realizing it, creating a perfect silence bested the room.

Lysithea found herself rolling to the space where Hilda usually sleep. Hilda was one who’ll occupy all blanket sometimes as she slept messy, but Lysithea will find a way to wrestle it away – sometimes with a cost of Hilda hugging her instead in her sleep. It’s warmer that way anyway, Lysithea can’t complain.

It’s 9 AM. She can shut her eyes for another one hour before lunch.

By then, she heard a hurried unlock mechanism coming from their front door.

“Lys!”

That voice. Lysithea didn’t have to guess as the person showed up as quick as they came by the slightly ajar bedroom. Hilda was looking out of breath because of all the running, though Lysithea couldn’t lift her head for a better view. The pink is rather blurry, perhaps she’s one step on lulling to her slumber. She might have left her suitcase on the front door and maybe her shoes went to disarray as she hurried, but it is not the time for usual chiding.

Wait, wasn’t her train—

Lysithea couldn’t bring herself to ask as Hilda approached the side of bed, giving her a hug first and foremost. As much as Lysithea wanted to complain for Hilda to stay away so Lysithea won’t give out her germs, she relented. She missed Hilda.

“You okay? How’s the fever?” Hilda asked as she touched their foreheads together. Hilda’s was cooler than hers, it was soothing.

“Better, but sorry, I can’t answer your call.”

“No problem. At least I know from experience that you won’t be dying on me there.”

“Well,”

“Don’t make any self-depreciating joke or I’ll head-butt you instead.”

“Right.” She clammed up. Hilda removed herself from the bed, pulling the sheets up.

“Have you eaten yet? I can whip you porridge and help you with the meds,” Hilda snapped her fingers. “And, oh. I was from Fhirdiad. I bought you the signature Fhirdiad sweet caramel pudding. Surely it’s easy to ingest for your after-meal dessert.”

“Are, are you a goddess?”

Hilda snorted, “As much as I want to brag about myself, I’d save it for later when you can retort back~”

Chuckling, albeit weakly, Lysithea dismissed her, “Yeah, yeah.”

“Just go to sleep, darling. I’ll nurse you to health!”

“That’s … cheesy and embarrassing, but, yeah, okay.”

A porridge, doses of medicine and pudding later, Lysithea found herself being cuddled. Hilda has yet to change her clothes but she didn’t smell sweaty nor smoky from hitting the road. It was her own perfume blend, made with the same aroma oil that Lysithea remembered at their first encounter when Edelgard told her to be a sampler of Claude establishment’s service.

The wisteria provided to be calming, even so now, as Hilda silently watched her while holding her close.

“Wait, I should be the one who smells bad …” Lysithea pondered.

“I can wipe you later if you want.”

“Am I that smelly?”

“No, you didn’t?” Hilda said. “Perks at being static in aircon room, I guess?”

“Oh, that’s relieving.”

Hilda traced a circle with her hand on Lysithea’s back. Her smile was something that Hilda would wear over something nostalgic, a reminiscing smile. “Like, how long I’ve known you again to be accustomed with dealing your long-term sickness?”

“Sorry.”

“And for the love of God, you should stop apologizing for every time,” Hilda pouted.

“Sorry.”

“Not again.”

They laughed it off, anyway. Their nonsensical banter would always end with both of them laughing it off. They knew it was stupid, but they started and ended it all the while in a whim. Their laughter died not long. Lysithea relished on the soothing cold touches that Hilda provided every now and then, shuffling closer and lay her head on Hilda’s chest.

Lysithea might be taller but her thin frame and how she picked her heels would make her look smaller than how she is. Hilda, on the other hand, broad-shouldered with an ample amount of muscle mass. Perhaps it is one of her job requirement to stay in top shape and to be good-looking. Lysithea would find it hard to admit since it would only make Hilda glower, but yes, Hilda is really gorgeous. On the bed, though, the height difference would speak volume. Lysithea can envelop Hilda on her sleep but then Lysithea always feel that it is not enough comparison to Hilda since she’s so slim.

“Lys?”

Hilda ran her fingers along the snow white hair. Lysithea didn’t look up, rather, snaking her way up to meet the pinkette’s face once again.

“Can I kiss you?”

Lysithea was silent for a beat longer, “You wanted my germs so bad …?”

“No, I …” Hilda breathed. “I miss you.”

Hearing the soft voice, her heart churned. She could reply the same. She could narrate how vacant it was to be apart and how the fever made it even worst. She could tell she yearned for Hilda’s presence, how she is glad to have Hilda there. But then, Lysithea knew the line.

“But I’m—you’ll seriously get my germs.”

“I don’t mind,” Lysithea had expected Hilda would answer as such. “Idiots don’t get sick, remember?”

“You’re not an idiot.”

“Heh, so you’ll flirt more when you sick.” Hilda’s reply was half scoff.

“I’m—I’m not.”

The pinkette surrendered with a sigh, her shoulders slumped but her smile remained still. She gathered her arms around Lysithea’s waist, pressing closer, tangling closer.

“Fine, I’ll wait until you’re healed; though you can’t use any excuse to stop me.”

Lysithea felt a rush of heat to her cheeks, but Hilda might not be able to discern it as a flush from fever or from an emotional blush,

“It’s a deal.”

#hildalys #chaotic good apartment AU #yes that's the AU name #wrt #hilda valentine goneril #lysithea von ordelia #AU prompt

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