#not a true story

[itsreaditandwow2]

Do you really expect a kid to wait several days to eat sugar-coated marshmallow birds?

🐤

#Meme Monday #The Powerpuff Girls #Powerpuff Girls memes #Marshmallow Peeps #Easter #timeout #not a true story #Cartoon Network

[missrinoko]

Unemployment officer: "And why were you fired from your last job?"

Me: "...I wouldn't stop saying 'attention you sexy sluts' instead of 'attention Walmart associates' over the store intercom."

#not a true story #but god i wish i had done that

[tehfootbath]

"That's actually an interesting story. Thanks for asking. I am related to Warren Buffet and Elong Musk. They're actually good close friends. Whenever we talk about Amico, they get really excited and always say to me, Tommy how did you get so smart. I remember last family reunion Elong leaned over to me and said, what if you charged $8 per month to play your Amico? I told him I'm sorry you just don't understand because you don't have 600 years of industry experience. I had the data. Then they both got really excited again because they knew I was on to something. Then I told them I was glad I was able to clear up any confusion on their part. Then we played twister."

#not a true story #fan fiction #tommy tallarico

[caprice-nisei-enjoyer]

*After being stabbed in the yard*: Please, the only shiv that can truly hurt me is Shiv Roy

#not a true story

[chongoblog]

Me, after forgetting to cut the top off an onion before dicing it: “Aw dammit”

The Gordon Ramsey that lives in my head: “Don’t worry there, this mistake isn’t going to ruin anything. No need to be too hard on yourself”

Me: “Wow, that’s…not what I was expecting”

Gordon: “Of course, you ought to know by now that I don’t shout at cooks just to do so. I do it because the people in hit television show Kitchen Nightmares are putting their services out into the public and claim to be good enough to have the title of head chef. You’re just some guy in your twenties making beef stroganoff for yourself and your roommate. I’m kind of a dick, yeah, but I’m not gonna scream at you for a minor mistake like this”

Me: “Oh….well…thanks”

Gordon: “You’re welcome…cunt…”

#based on a true story #im cooking more which is super cool

[filiseverus]

The Barbie movie reminded me about how when I was little my parents were upset that I kept making my Barbie dolls kiss, so they bought me a Ken doll. The next day they found me having a funeral for poor Ken in the garden, he had died of tuberculosis. All the Barbies were in attendance and I buried him under our rose bush. The Barbies were too poor to afford a headstone (it was 1875) so I didn’t mark where the grave was and I never could find him again. He’s probably still there.

#barbie movie #barbie #feminism #ken #ken doll #i’m just ken #my writing #true story #ryan gosling #barbie dolls #greta gerwig #margot robbie #oppenheimer #barbenheimer #if you ever find a Ken doll wrapped in toilet paper that’s mine sorry

[lexosaurus]

Me: Okay, it's time for bed. Tumblr: Wait don't go. You can hit people for free.

#boop #april fools #tumblr #true story

[wasabi-gumdrop]

local ladies man’s signature move totally useless against autistic monster enthusiast. more on Kabru’s fumble era at 6

#i’ve seen so many interpretations of that 1 hr freeze frame of Kabru’s smile in ep 16 #he’s meeting his long time crush of course he’s trying to charm him #Kabru so obviously has a big fat giant crush on Laios #like atp in the story he’s tried to talk to him and get his attention so many times agjdjajdj #Laios is the human rubix cube he’s been searching for his entire life #everyone else is almost too easy for Kabru to pin down #Laios on the other hand … a treasure trove of autistic mystery #Kabru is so locked in #Kabru used signature move: charming smile #Laios: no effect! #there’s something so beautiful about the popular pretty boy entering his fumble era when his one true love turns out to be autistic #labru #laios touden #kabru of utaya #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #wasabi rambles #seen so many clock that smile as nefarious and machiavellian #baby no Kabru is just dialing the charm up to 100 and what we’re all feeling is second hand embarrassment LMAO

[notherpuppet]

📻 🍎

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel fanart #radioapple #appleradio #my doods #dad x dad #dialogue based on a true story

[petrichor-moss-and-lightning]

being a lesbian is so dumb. this girl once sent me a photo of a rat she found in a dumpster and i imagined kissing her in a botanical garden

#lesbian #shitpost #this is unfortunately a true story. unfortunately. #THIS IS A JOKE I LOVE BEING A LESBESSISNW #wlw #sapphic

[authorkarajorgensen]

My partner: *takes me by the shoulders* Do not be honest with airport security. Just tell them the right answers, okay?

Me: Got it.

TSA: Was this bag out of your sight at all?

Me: Well, I mean, it was in the trunk of the--

Partner: *kicks my leg*

Me: OW, WHY DID YOU KICK ME??

TSA: You two, come this way for your pat down.

#autistic problems #play it cool #oops #not a true story #but it could be because I know me #why i don't travel

[itsreaditandwow2]

Simpin' ain't easy.

💝

#Meme Monday #Harry Potter #Harry Potter memes #Ron Weasley #candy hearts #not a true story #Valentine's Day #Valentines Day #Warner Bros

[and-corn]

if there's a condition called impulsive anthropomorphizing then I have it

#comic #comics #comic art #relatable comic #original comic #web comic #webcomic #humor #humorous #funny comic #cute comic #wholesome comic #comic writing #comic strip #true story #shower thoughts #funny thoughts #random thoughts #late night thoughts #deep thoughts #inane ramblings #illustration #storyboard

[firethekitty]

last semester i wasn’t doing well in a very important class i needed to pass in order to graduate so i was working my ass off writing essays and shit and every time i started slacking i would bring up this image and i’d say “ah fuck you’re right vash i really need to keep working” and then i’d write for another two hours and i actually managed to pass and graduate and i honestly don’t know if i would’ve been able to without this picture. thank you vash

#i wanted to share this story i think it’s really funny #like ‘yeah i owe about 70% of my college graduation to an image of vash telling me to stop fucking around’ #talking #trigun #this is actually 100% true btw /srs #after 14k notes i feel the need to clarify that i did not intentionally bring this image up when i started fucking around #but he always seemed to find me. like when i looked at pics he was there. watching me. saying this. idk if that makes this funnier

[caprice-nisei-enjoyer]

Me, reading Simone de Beauvoir: You're telling me they made a sequel to sex?

#not a true story

[daggerhobbit]

The other day when I was volunteering at the library, I was shelving books when a little kid came up to me and just stared at me before asking “Are you a girl?”

Me: “uh… no, I’m not a girl.”

Kid: “are you a boy?”

Me: “Well, no, actually-“

Kid (looking at me with wide eyes): “Are you a *fairy*?!?”

Me (leaning down and speaking in a whisper): “Yes, but sshh, don’t tell anyone. It’s a secret.”

Then the kid just looked up at me with wide eyes before their face broke into a huge smile and they nodded enthusiastically.

That interaction made my entire frickin day. Also apparently I’m a fairy now.

#wholesome #trans #transgender #agender #nonbinary #kids can be so frickin wholesome #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtqia+ #lgbtq+ #true story