#no actually to go back to this and make it less vague (bc it's still bothering me) why did texting a friend i haven't talked to in a couple | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

echo · 3 months

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this is a response to @anarcho-yorpism's tag for me in this post. i'm not directly rbing bc that post is long and it has a lot going on in the notes.

anyway please note all of my responses here are my own, and not representative of Staff or tumblr. i am not T&S and have zero power to make any moderation decisions here.

with that disclaimer:

Predstrogen received a message from Tumblr saying she was banned for "sexual content". If she was not, why was she told this, why were her transition photos removed, and why has she still not been told the actual reason? (I understand not making it public, but it is your policy to tell the user) If she was, what was this sexual content, if not her transition timeline?

i can't really directly answer this for few reasons. firstly, i feel that staff shouldn't talk about her anymore bc i feel this continued controversy will only attract more harassment for her on other platforms.

secondly, as a low-level staffer talking about moderation decisions can get me, y'know, fired. i'd prefer not to do that.

also just like... i want to avoid getting into a narrative of "well she did bad things so she deserves it" or whatever. idc if she broke the rules or not, she didn't deserve what happened.

i know this isn't terribly satisfying to hear, but i'd like to be honest about why i'm not saying more at least.

If you can't answerblegal questions, ignore this question: The NYCLU settlement agreed that Tumblr would fix its moderation so it targeted transfem users less. Why has there been no comment on the settlement and actions taken since? There could genuinely be a large legal case against Tumblr after this, and I love this site and don't want that to happen. Also, wasn't it illegal under GDPR to release her usernames?

i'm not able to answer legal questions. i don't know the exact text of the agreement, but it mostly boiled down to some training and stuff from my personal experience there.

however not as a staffer but as NYC trans human: i would not put a ton of faith in the NYCCHR. they have some noble goals but they are a chronically underfunded city agency that in practice does very little to curb real-world violence against marginalized people. i tried to use them myself when my landlord was kicking me out right after i had surgery and they didn't even get back to me until months after everything resolved. nobody i know in the community out here has been helped by them off the top of my head.

i have sincere doubts in relying on the state to help people here.

A lot of transfem users don't like vague language like "prioritize", especially given point 2 and Matt's statement that improving moderation was not on the agenda. I understand you can't reveal company secrets in an already risky post, but we would like to see the specific actions taken after this, given a lot of broken trust by what @\photomatt has said. Are any of the trans women banned recently for "sexual content" going to have their accounts restored?

i don't know. i'm pushing internally for at least a review of everyone suspended to see if the less egregious stuff can be reversed. but like i said, i don't have a ton of power as i'm not in charge of anything.

and yeah, "prioritize" is vague corpo-speak. i know some stuff is shifting internally and what we said does match what is happening inside. but also... i've been disappointed before.

i can say i'm tentatively optimistic. people are responding seriously, and being asked our opinions for once is pretty nice. but also, systemic stuff is hard. i trust in my fellow workers and i'll continue to fight until i can't anymore.

so... yeah. i genuinely wish i can be more informative here, but what we wrote (and i want to emphasize we here, it was not just me by any stretch!!) is what we can say in an official capacity.

i'm just frustrated, tired, angry, depressed... and also weirdly hopeful?

#me #asks #staff info

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mychlapci · 4 months

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Hi again! All the megaratch tonight had me thinking about early/mid war megalock where they rope in ratchet:

Ratchet getting snatched up by Megatron's forces and he's sure it's gonna be him getting tortured for potential weaknesses in the autobot high command. He wasn't at ALL expecting Megatron to instead have captured him because none of the deception medics he even vaguely trusts are capable of caring for an expecting carrier.

Bc it turns out autobot intelligence hadn't managed to catch on that the favoured assassin, Deadlock, was more than just Megatron's killer of choice - he's carrying Megatron's sparklings.

And Ratchet knows he should probably refuse because the last thing the world needs is Megatron having heirs... but, fuck, he remembers Deadlock when he was in the Deadend and having him on the operating table to save his life. Doesn't help Deadlock admits that he specifically asked for Ratchet.

Which leads to this awkward period of Megatron hovering over every inspection and checkup, whilst Ratchet tries to subtly tell Deadlock he can do BETTER and it's not too late, and Deadlock not having a straight answer on what his relationship with Megatron even is.

But Ratchet starts to pick up the little things that changes his view. What he interpreted as Megatron being territorial and only caring about the sparklings, Ratchet soon realises he's actually pretty careful and concerned about Deadlock (possibly there's some lingering complications in his frame from his time in Deadend). And Deadlock cares in turn, he's just kinda feral and guarded now and on edge with his impending creatorhood during wartime.

Ratchet slowly warming up to Megatron because damn, he didn't expect the warlord to be a good sire, and something happens where Megatron is called away for a long while and someone has gotta keep Deadlock topped up on transfluid. Ratchet gets outright told before Megatron leaves he won't mind and Deadlock is more than happy. Cue Ratchet realising a pregnancy kink that he's kind of embarrassed took him THIS long to realise (or maybe it's just because it looks so good on Deadlock)

And then of course Megatron probably comes back wounded so Ratchet just HAS to tend to him too and they get close that way too. And probably have an ill-advised threesome with Megatron still wounded and Deadlock heavily carrying.

By the time Ratchet is "rescued" he's carrying too, of course, and his lips are sealed about the little sparkling Deadlock has hidden away

oh god YES. Ratchet captured by Megatron to tend to a carrying Deadlock is literally perfect. i need to read that fanfic. i am going to dedicate at least three to four days of daydreaming to this.

Ratchet constantly dropping subtle hints to Deadlock that he can do better, that he can change, that he doesn’t need to be bearing this maniac’s offspring. Obviously he’s gravely misunderstanding their situation which culminates with Deadlock almost clawing his eye out, assuming he’s being told to get rid of the sparkling. I think that this protectiveness, and also Megatron catching Deadlock’s hand before he could strike Ratchet, really puts things a little more into perspective.

Ratchet slowly starting to notice how Megatron minds his strength when interacting with Deadlock, how when he thinks no one is looking, he'll put a hand on the growing baby bump and just keep it there. Him getting angry when Deadlock has complications is seen less as Megatron being a crazy maniac and more as a sire scared for the safety of his carrier and offspring. Ratchet slowly warming up to them both during his “capture” and ending up with some complicated feelings, which is not made better by Megatron sitting him down and telling him that he wants Ratchet to take care of Deadlock while he’s gone…

And if we imagine that transfluid carries coding through to the gestation tank, that means that this is, indeed, a big thing to ask of Ratchet. This will make him the sire of Deadlock’s sparkling as well. It probably shouldn’t get his engine revving, but he can’t help it. He probably tries to keep it clinical and respectful, but he and Deadlock just end up getting too close to each other for their own good, and what was supposed to be a simple transfluid delievry turns into real passion...

god. The three of them having an awkward, but very intense threesome once Megatron comes back… Megatron is still grunting in pain because of his injury and Deadlock is too pregnant to really move as fluidly as he would like to, so now Ratchet has to take care of them both. Maybe as they all sink into each other, Megatron takes Ratchet’s hand and puts it on Deadlock’s pregnant belly, helping him rub circles across it while Deadlock just looks at them both with glassy, overwhelmed optics, rocking faster on Ratchet's spike. Just thinkin’ about Ratchet sandwiched between two killing machines and not feeling afraid….. hghhhhh... Deadlock having the sparkling that very same night, waking up in the tangle of warm limbs and quickly shaking both Megatron and Ratchet awake…

also, yes to Ratchet coming back to the autobots also carrying Megatron’s sparkling, and refusing to tell anyone what happened to him, insisting he has no insider information whatsoever. Everyone now pities him since, well, he's returned from decepticon capture carrying a sparkling, and that’s… not good. Or, they assume it isn’t. Ratchet obviously can’t tell them he ended up carrying after a very passionate threesome with two decepticons that he might or not actually be in love with now, not without being accused of treason. Now i wonder who’s going to keep Ratchet topped up on transfluid, since neither Megatron nor Deadlock are around…

#can i just say. HGJHASJkkdjhKJHDHHkl 👍. if that makes sense #i got very romantic with this. sorry #pregnancy mention #valveplug #texty

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fairyhaos · 1 year

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how seventeen act with their older s/o

requested by anon: "hiii can you make something abt svt's reaction with their s/o being older than them? Like 3 or 4 years older???? like how they act around them and stuff??? Tyyyyy!!"

masterlist

joshua, woozi, minghao, mingyu

pretends to hate it, secretly loves it when you pinch his cheeks affectionately or ruffle his hair and call him your sweet boy. does Not like it if you’re looking down at him tho, so don’t call him little or smol bc he might definitely kick you. or bite. it depends on his mood, really. also groans exaggeratedly loud if you start doing the "back in my day" talk whenever someone annoys you, but also will Never ever talk down to you even if he's upset or angry bc he is a Respectful man and also you're kinda a scary person when you get mad

junhui, hoshi, dokyeom, seungkwan

goes to you for help with Everything, cz you're the older, wiser one, right??? so he asks for help when he wants his hair fixed, or if the members are bullying him again, or if he doesn't understand some maths problem that he’s doing (why he’s doing maths is beyond you tho). respects your opinion so, so much. The Most respectful man ever actually, so so attentive and willing to listen, and he also just genuinely values your thoughts n what you say to him a lot. looks at you like you know the secrets to the universe’s existence, eyes all sparkly n bright and in awe even if you’re just telling him about your day

seungcheol, jeonghan, chan

wants to be babied. lets you coo all over him and pinch his cheeks and call in smol and cute and everything, and unlike some of the other members he actively encourages it. still wants to be seen as Big and Independent ofc, but when he's had a bad day he loves it when he can just pout or look vaguely sad at you and you’re opening your arms and baby talking at him and giving him head pats as he curls into your arms. sometimes, he thinks, it’s nice to let go of the worries of responsibilities and just rest, safe, protected, in your arms.

wonwoo, hansol

these were the only two members who i couldn’t think of anything for. i think they wouldn’t care about their s/o’s age (so long as it was a reasonable age in relation to theirs) and wouldn't really react any differently? bc to them you are just their beloved s/o, regardless of gender or age or race or sexuality or anything. he still treats you sweetly and lovingly, knowing that just because you're older than him doesn't mean you need less comfort than him, and he's always willing to show you the love that you deserve

request guidelines

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veintrry · 1 year

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TAINT THIS PAPER WITH LOVE

writer!kunikuzushi x gn!reader, fluff, romance, love letter, nervous kuni bcs feelings.

part one (wink wink)

an: RAHHHHHHHH

Writing was something that had come so easily to Kuni, till he had to write a letter that would appeal to you. When did this pen feel so awkward in-between his fingers? And just when did these string of words he wrote sound so foreign to him... Love isn't easy to express.

Kunikuzushi doesn't think he has ever felt so uncomfortable at his desk, staring at a blank paper, blinking in hopes it would write itself with heart melting words that would make you grin. Yet, that never happens.

He lets out an exasperated sigh. This was far worse than some writers block. The words- Well, the feelings were so easy to sense, but to put them down on paper? It seemed like an impossible task. Folding over, he groans into his hand as his elbow stays rested on the dark wood of the desk, it's polish still refined.

Why did he have to give himself such a short time period too? A day, just a day. No, not even 24 hours, way less. He picks up the pen again, his thumb on the top as he repeatedly pushes it down letting the sound fill the room as he thinks. Just let your mind wander...

And it does. Like it always does, his thoughts trail back to you. Not actual words or things that may describe you but visual images of you or at least the vague image of you. He didn't care before but much to his dislike his ability to visualise things isn't as potent as he'd like. Yet, he still can see fragments, the lines of your smile, the depth of your eyes and the way you move. There were smaller details he took note of, the shape of your ear, the style of your hair and the state of your nails.

He wishes he could just translate this onto paper.

There was a gentleness he felt with you when he wasn't freaking out about these emotions. There was a calm that he absorbs but he fears at the same time, worrying there was a storm arriving and he'd be the cause of it. But, asking you to come again tomorrow, that was a ray of light from the gloomy clouds, it sprouted hope. Maybe. Just maybe. There is no storm.

He lets his head fall back, staring at the ceiling pointlessly before sighing. He's being doing that a lot lately.

...Technically, this wouldn't be his first time addressing a letter towards you, though the past times he's done it he was unaware of the fact you'd be receiving it. Maybe, he could try to do the same? Just harbour the same emotions, Kuni. Don't think, just write.

If you were in front of me, what would I want to say?

Familiar bells jingle, declaring the entrance of someone new and each time he hears the sound his eyes shoot up. He can't tell if he's anticipating your arrival in excitement or fear. Whichever one it is, he knows that one thing for sure is that he feels nervous. Insanely so, that he barely can keep himself occupied writing others letters.

He thought actually finishing the letter was bad, but waiting to give it to you is even worse. So. Much. Worse.

He's beginning to think his chest is going to explode from the anxiety. Though, there is some joy to it, as if he is looking forward to your expression.

Biting his bottom lip, he rests his chin on the palm of his hand, almost daydreaming about it. Surely, your reaction will be positive? Your past letters were from him on purpose so you'll like this. What if it's a lukewarm reception? What if he doesn't make you understand how he feels and the words he had repeated a multitude of times and the phrases he's crafted a thousand times don't work? There's a million thoughts in his minds and none of them are reassuring. He can feel his stomach being stirred like a cauldron of the worse concoctions and it's making him sick.

Till the bell rings.

Would you think it's weird if he ever told you that he began to recognise your footsteps? He'll keep that to himself. A hand is placed gently on the envelope holding his feelings, though the fingers that wrap around the folds are almost possessive, unsure if they should allow this letter to be given away. Unsure if he should offer his emotions just to get shot down. Yeah, maybe this is a bad idea and he should just-

Two knocks resound from beside him, he turns to you, your hand above his desk as your finger taps the wood.

"I'm here."

You're smiling.

Curse this world.

"You took your time." My tone comes out dry, almost scolding in a way. You give me a sheepish smile. "I didn't want to seem too eager." So in turn he was the one made to do so when he had been waiting for you impatiently.

He simply gives you a hum of acknowledgment, then sits there for a while. You don't move, awaiting to be given your letter but he doesn't seem to budge. A hesitant voice comes out, "Uhm, Kuni?" Archons, how he cherished the sound of his name rolling off your tongue. Indigo eyes spare you a glance, encouraging you to continue. "The letter...?" Would it be stupid to say he hoped you forgot.

"The letter. Right, right..."

Despite his words he seems to hesitate before finally letting out a deep breath as his hand reaches to the storage below the desk and pulls out a perfectly folded envelope. He turns his head away, just slightly, handing it to you wordlessly and without a glance spared towards you.

On the other hand, you were left admiring the envelope. It was nothing special, yet the contents of it were.

You take it excitedly, the pads of your thumb and index rppessed against the smooth texture of it. Your hand moves and your fingers begin to open it. This catches his attention. He quickly turns to you with an expression of disbelief and a hint of redness on his ears. "You're going to open it here?! At least open it outside of the store..."

You tilt your head slightly, "Why?" You continue speaking, conveying your reason, "It's better if I do it in front of you, right? That way you can get my honest reaction." The tone you speak in is somewhat teasing as though to say that this is a way of seeing just how well he did.

He opens his mouth, attempting to rebuttal, though all that comes out are incoherent noises, earning a chuckle from you. A defeated sigh leaves his mouth and he turns away once more, his other hand waving you off as in to quickly open it already and you oblige with ease.

The next few minutes are silent. Sure, there was the slight rustling of papers when the wind of the turning fan met them and the sounds of breathing, but it almost blended into the background as you read his letter...

"Dear moron,

I love you.

I wanted to get that out of the way, just to make this clear. Writing this or at least, trying to, has been a hindrance. I keep trying to form words I think you'd like. I keep trying to make this appealing to you, but just what do you like? I know you have a rather odd way of thinking, I know your taste in books and I know that you're dense. Immensely so. Maybe I am too. I also know you like me. If I'm right, which I don't doubt I am considering your little trick with those letters... I'm free after this.

Yours truly,

Kuni. (ps. turn the paper around, loser.)"

And you do so, you do just that and turn the letter around to where you find more writing, this time lengthier and clearly written with a different intent. Your words glaze over each word, intaking the tone and you swear you can almost hear it. You peek over the letter gazing at the violet-haired man but hiss face is turned away yet, the corner of your lips quirk up seeing the red of his ears.

It feels like you're taking a century to read what he wrote, he had stolen a few glances but the moment you turn the letter he fully committed to averting his gaze, a hand to his mouth as he muttered curses, his mind flooded with what the hell you could be thinking right now.

Two knocks sound out, you've tapped his desk again. As he is about to turn around there's a warm blow of air at his ears and he feels his ears rumble at just the proximity of your breath. "You're really forward." He couldn't tell if you were being sarcastic or not but that was the last thing on his mind as he finally faces you, seeing so close to him. He doesn't think you've ever worn such an expression before. If anyone else was looking they'd think you were up to no good and he'd have to agree, though, he can tell there's some glee in your eyes. "I could say the same for you... Then, is that a yes?"

"No." He swears he feels his heart sink.

"It's a definite yes."

Kuni begins to regret ever giving you that letter, "You jest too much." You let out a sound of agreement, "Yeah, but you don't seem to dislike it." Taunting. How fitting of you.

Though, he can't help but focus on the fact that you actually agreed to this... especially when you're donning such a prideful appearance too. Even if you're teasing him more than you ought to, he doesn't mind, in fact, he thinks he likes it. It just means he's closer to you now. "I don't. It means you really like me. Don't you?" There's a moments hesitation from you as you observe the change on his demeanour, a playful smirk on his lips as his eyes glimmer with a certain amusement. Earning a gentle nod from you, you reaffirm his words.

"I do."

back contents of the letter;

"Sometimes I believe you're killing me just by merely being around me. It feels as though you're making me go through torture each time you let me catch a glimpse of you. I begin to think that you must be driving me insane because there's no other way I can explain this. But, you're divine. To me, you are everything and more. I don't think I could ever put into words the way I honour you, that smile of yours, your voice that puts my thoughts to a halt and has me anticipating the next time I'll get to hear you.

I wish I was closer to you, as close as I can be. I wish to express my love easier, to tell you it how it is without worrying about you'll take it. Tell me, is the only way to explain how I feel sappy words and deep analogies? You like me, right. You have letters from me. But they're different from this. This is truly from me. My words aren't sophisticated or smart, they don't pierce your heart at my ability to deduce what you want to hear. This is a mess, uncollected and disorganised. Yet, I don't want to sell you a fantasy. My love for you is a frenzy, much like the one you set my heart on, so I won't pretend to be tame. I want you, I love you. That's how it is, and I intend to devote myself to proving that to you it I must, because when I tell you that I like you it's not just an overused phrase but the closest way I can tell you how I feel even if it only shows an inkling of it.

Maybe I'm not right for you. But I want to be."

#wanderer #kunikuzushi #wanderer genshin #genshin kunikuzushi #wanderer x reader #kunikuzushi x reader #kunikuzushi fluff #scara x reader #scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche x y/n #kunikuzushi x y/n #kunikuzushi x you #wanderer x y/n #wanderer x you #wanderer fluff

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matthyeu · 1 year

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because i love you ― smt.

pairing ⇢ seok matthew x gn!reader

genre ⇢ angst, slight fluff, right person wrong time, idol!au

warnings ⇢ none, not proofread bc i would cry reliving this

word count ⇢ 2.6k

synopsis ⇢ to support the boy you loved, you had to let him go. (part 2)

your relationship with matthew had always been healthy.

there was nothing about him that could make it any less. he was the perfect one for you in a multitude of ways. he knew everything there was about you–your needs and your ambitions–so he was always accommodating to them. in a similar way, you wanted to accommodate his own ambitions, which was where you had to make the most difficult decision.

you had always known about matthew’s ambition of dance. after all, it was the reason you two met, through the dance studio matthew frequented. you two had hit it off perfectly, giving each other compliments and spending time with each other until it became something more.

though your love for dance had faded as you began to focus more on your studies, you knew matthew’s love for it was stronger than ever. he would tell you stories about the latest choreography he learned, attempting to teach it back to you (to which you were luckily able to mimic without too many casualties).

you never knew if this passion was something he wanted to actually pursue in the future or just a hobby he liked to keep up with, but you always swore to support him no matter his decision. however, you didn’t anticipate this support being bittersweet.

“you think i could be a kpop idol?” he asked one day when the two of you were in his bed, both doing your own things.

your eyebrows raised, averting your attention from the cooking video you were watching to see what caused such a question from matthew. seeing a video of idols performing energetically on stage, you weren’t surprised.

recently, you noticed how he became more invested in the genre, watching more videos of performances than he ever had. you couldn’t blame him. you too enjoyed seeing how the groups mingled and had fun from time to time.

“you definitely have skills and talent for it,” you answered as you went back to scrolling on your own device, “you also have the looks for it. i bet you’d have people folding left and right for you.”

“well that’s too bad for them because i already have the most wonderful person right here for me.”

that was only the start of a whole cascade of events. as weeks passed, the topic of idol trainees came up more often, often accompanied with how your boyfriend imagined that kind of life to be, one performing on stage for fans who looked forward to supporting their favorite groups. every time you saw how his eyes glistened as he talked about the topic, you knew his ambition had grown to more than just a hobby. it was something he wanted to seriously pursue.

as you promised to yourself, you wanted to support him in this. after countless talks about it without any plan for the future, you finally brought it upon yourself to push him towards his dream.

“i think you should do it.”

matthew paused yet another one of his kpop tangents, this time about the latest comeback of his favorite group and how he would have loved to perform like them. he looked at you wide-eyed, as if you had said something so absurd.

“what?”

“your idol dream. i think you should look into training to be an idol,” you clarified, realizing your previous statement might have been a little vague.

“what are you talking about? i could never do that kind of thing,” he tried to brush the topic off nonchalantly.

you wouldn’t let him avoid it this time. “matthew, you and i both know you could. you are so talented, and i want you to look towards that as an option if it’s something you want.”

still, he laughed it off, treating the conversation just like one of the other random ones you two had in the background. “maybe. i’ll think about it. let’s talk about something else now.”

even though he talked so seriously about that dream he had, you noticed he never took the initiative to actually do that. there was no sign of him trying to get into auditions. if he did, you would be the first one he told. he was avoiding it entirely, which was unlike him. he was someone who always wanted to take the chances he could get. you wanted to know why he was so hesitant, so you could continue to support him.

“why haven’t you started looking into companies yet?” you asked over his shoulder, earning a bump to the chin due to startle.

“oh, never do that again,” he cautioned as he turned around, seeing how you were rubbing your chin, “are you okay?”

you gave a nod before continuing to pester for answers. “well, why haven’t you looked into it yet?”

“how do you know if i hadn’t yet?”

you rolled your eyes. “matthew, you and i both know i would be the first one you told if you auditioned, let alone got accepted into a company. now spill.”

“i’m having second doubts about all of it. i don’t know if that kind of life really is for me. i think staying here in canada and going to school is much more suitable for me.”

you could see right through his lie.

“mon chéri, you know i don’t like it when you lie to me. i want to know the truth, so i can support you throughout your dream.”

his shoulders relaxed at the endearing term. “that’s just it. you can’t support me through this. i know you can’t.”

“what?”

“i don’t think i could ever do that, train for so long without knowing if i could really debut. what if i waste so many years in a trainee dungeon just to be scrapped and forgotten. what’s the point of it then? why should i even do that?”

“that won’t happen to you,” you reassured, “if companies can see how talented you are, they will never want let you get away. you are so talented. i know you can make it.”

“you don’t understand. it’s not just that. if it was just waiting for my dream, i could do that. that’s nothing compared to the other thing.”

“other thing?”

he looked as white as a ghost, as if he had said something he wasn’t supposed to say. running his hand through his hair, it was clear there was some sort of distress plaguing his mind.

“just ugh–”

you took his hands into your own, trying to alleviate him of whatever stress was bringing him down, so he could tell you what was bothering him.

“i don’t want to be away from everyone,” he admitted.

that was the thing bothering him so much? being away from his loved ones?

“that’s it?” you asked as if it was a simple matter, “matthew, you can always talk with your mom, sister, friends. i’m sure they would want you to do these things too!”

matthew shook his head. it seemed you weren’t understanding the situation correctly. “i don’t want to leave you!”

you stood there after his exclamation, not knowing what more to say. of course that was what it was. how could you forget yourself, the one who promised to support your boyfriend no matter the decision he made. there was no one he would miss more than you if he went away.

“i’m…the one holding you back from your dream?”

he nodded but was quick to add clarification. “and that’s fine. i don’t care about that dream if it means i can stay with you. it’s stupid anyway. i never want to leave you, and i would choose you over it any day. don’t think too much about it.”

even though he told you not to, it was hard to not ponder more about the situation. you, the one who wanted nothing more than to see matthew succeed in the one thing he wanted in life, were the one holding him back. you didn’t know how you should have felt about it.

that was when the decision hit you, the one you didn’t want to make but would if it were for matthew’s sake.

“so you don’t want to go because you’d be leaving me?” you asked. to which, he nodded. “then what if i left you before you could leave me?”

“what?”

“if i left you, would you consider your dream again? would you try to be an idol trainee? try to debut?”

“my love, stop that. i would not. i would be too busy missing you now to even try to audition for a stupid company,” he pleaded, his hands now turning to grip your own.

“matthew, this is your chance! i don’t want to hold you back! i don’t want to be the reason you let this chance slip away. you’re young. you’re talented. you’re a wonderful person with a big dream, too big of a dream to be wasting it because of someone–”

“but you’re not just someone!”

his voice raised, something he never did in your relationship. he was being serious. “don’t water yourself down as just someone! you are more than that to me. you mean more to me than that silly dream. i don’t even know if i’ll make it, but i know i will always love you. i don’t want to abandon what i know for sure for something i’m uncertain of. it’s just not rational!”

though his words were convincing, you had already committed to this. you wanted to be supportive of him like he had been of all your crazy antics. this was his future. you didn’t want to interfere with this.

“but…wouldn’t you do the same for me?”

“huh?”

“if i had gotten an opportunity to travel far away for a program of the thing i was most passionate about, what would you tell me?” you further explained.

“i would tell you to take that opportunity,” he responded with no further hesitation. though, he quickly got your point and seemed to regret answering it so quickly.

“exactly. don’t you see where i’m going? i want this for you because i love you. i want to see you happy doing the things that you love. i don’t want to be the one holding you back when you could be doing great things out there in the industry. i love you matthew. i really do. that’s why i am willing to let you go.”

it was hard for you to even face him after a bold statement. you were already going to cry thinking about him being gone, but now, there was more fuel to the flame. you didn’t need to make it worse by seeing his reaction.

though, it was hard when you had a boyfriend who always had strong eye contact.

“please look at me. i want you to say it to my face to know you mean it. i don’t want you hurting because of this.”

you would hurt regardless, but it was something you needed to deal with. this was the opportunity matthew needed, and you weren’t going to keep him from it. you needed to be strong, both for yourself and for him.

sucking in your breath, you moved your eyes up from your feet, looking at him straight in the eyes, into the eyes you loved so much.

“because i love you, i want you to take this chance to become an idol. because i love you, i’m willing to let you go for this.”

you held back the tears that threatened to spill. you didn’t necessarily want to, but you had to. this was his dream, his future, his happiness. you could never keep him from the things that made him happy, even if he claimed you were the one that made him the happiest. he deserved to be happy in more ways than one, and this was his time to explore that happiness.

matthew let out a defeated sigh, squeezing your hands tighter. “well, then i’ll try.”

his agreement made you momentarily forget about the sorrow you’d face if he made it through. your eyes lit up, and a smile fell on your face.

“if i get in, i’ll go to south korea and become a trainee. if not, i’ll stay here and grow old with you,” he added, “i’ll try my best though. don’t worry.”

it was both relieving and stressful for you to hear those words. on one end, matthew was listening to you, following his dreams. on the other hand, this may be one of the last moments you ever had with your boyfriend.

as the weeks went by, matthew trained hard for his audition, not having much time to spend between the two of you. it was good for both of you. he needed to focus on working towards the greatest audition of his life, and you needed as much time without him to prepare for the years to come.

it was in these moments you felt the least supportive. while you did want the best for him, there was still a part of you that hoped he wouldn’t pass the audition, so he could continue being your seok matthew, and only yours.

you didn’t know how you would feel if you knew so many other people were fawning over your boyfriend. well, if he did go on that journey, you guessed he wouldn’t really be your boyfriend anymore. that was the other reason you really hoped he wouldn’t pass.

still, most of you wanted him to chase his dreams. you wished the best for him each passing day, waiting for the results of his audition. you didn’t know how long the process took, so you were anticipating some kind of notification from him.

and eventually, you got it.

mon chéri ♡ : i got in mon chéri ♡ : i passed the audition

you stared at the text, not knowing how to respond to it. you were overjoyed that he was one step closer to his dream, but also heartbroken to know this was how your first love would end.

mon chéri ♡ : please don’t respond to this. it will make me not want to go anymore. just please read what i have to say

and so you did. you sat up from your bed in the middle of the night, feet dangling off your bed, as your eyes anxiously waited for what matthew had to say. even before he said anything, your eyes had formed teardrops. and they only poured out faster after reading everything matthew had to say.

mon chéri ♡ : thank you so much for these past years. i have enjoyed every single moment of our relationship, and you made me happier than i could ever be. you always supported me in more ways than you thought, so please give yourself more credit than this hard decision you had to make. mon chéri ♡ : i’m sure you don’t want me to leave either, but you’ve continued to show strength throughout this because you care about me. i care about you too, and i want you to know that i’ll always be with you, even if not physically. maybe we won’t be together anymore, but to me, we will always be something special because of everything you did for me. mon chéri ♡ : i truly think we’re destined for each other, so i hope we can cross paths again in the future. hopefully, by then, you’ll be doing what you love and i’ll be an idol. until then, just know i love you and will always be cheering you on like i know you’ll be cheering me on. thank you so much my love.

#🐨 ― matthyeu #zerobaseone #zb1 #zb1 x reader #zerobaseone x reader #zerobaseone imagines #zb1 scenarios #zb1 drabbles #seok matthew #zb1 matthew #seok matthew x reader #zb1 matthew x reader #seok matthew imagines #seok matthew one-shot #angst

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firewalkzwit · 7 months

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in the mood for love // neil lewis x reader

To accept that life is not David Lynch's magnificent "Blue Velvet", or much less Billy Wilder's "Double Indemnity", was not an easy thing for a man like Neil Lewis, who adored nothing more than to vicariously live through the screen time of the 50's Hollywood heartthrobs that starred as his favourite characters.

So, in the event that a Rohmerian woman whose quirk could even be seen through her yellow lens Godard-ish sunglasses, Neil found it to be an offer he couldn't refuse.

Word count: 2.8k

Cross-posted on AO3

A.N: i actually never finished watching the detectives bc i was honestly not a fan of the plot so bare with me lol, i was only too in love w cill and lucy liu's characters but the movie itself kinda disappointed me

also, yes i made them fans of MY favorite movies, arrest me.

The sound of intense tapping of nails on the counter, crowded by a disastrous attempt at organising countless VHS tapes scattered all over it, caused the plastic of the films to rattle as the table vibrated. Neil's tired eyes rolled upwards to catch a glimpse of the face before him, a slight frown drawn between her eyebrows and an intensely inquisitive stare which hardly helped him to decipher what exactly she wanted that actually merited bothering him.

The harsh placement of the VHS on his desk caused him to grit his teeth, it felt almost imperative, and it ached him to see his most prized possessions be mistreated. His eyes drifted back up to her, the yellow-tinted lens of her sunglasses still didn't stop him from finding them oddly familiar. Scanning to the rest of her clothes as if he wanted to glimpse her personality based on her looks, he felt like a detective. The black minidress on her body was rather loose, and the sleeves ended close to the start of her wrists, as if it was too short for her arms. It seemed like an intentional fashion choice, despite how unflattering it looked to him. The dress hugged her waist in the centre, with a peculiar silver belt he'd only see in the outfit of a woman in a nouvelle vague film. In fact, her entire style seemed to be the one of a sixties Parisian flâneur, as if she was ruthlessly trying to imitate Anna Karina. Over the turtleneck that culminated her dress, a thin, long golden chain that went as low as her belt had a large and round golden pendant hanging from it.

But as soon as she spoke he was disappointed to find no thick, sexy french accent, but rather an ordinary speech, almost too friendly and passive to be attractive. His eyes drifted down to the VHS on his desk; while he expected Vivre Sa Vie, le Bonheur or Pierrot le Fou, there was no La Collectionneuse on his desk, but rather the most unexpected of outcomes.

Jane Birkin would never rent a chick-flick, Neil thought.

The membership she handed did not belong to her, it was that of a man's, an old one too, judging by his name.

"Alright, that will be eight dollars."

"Jeez, eight?"

"Eight."

"You do know the other rental charges only five, right?"

"I was not aware, thank you." Not only was she of poor taste, but also quite irritating. Even though he refrained from explaining how being a smaller business practically obliged him to charge more to make an actual profit, it was before he could begin to explain the late fees that she snatched the VHS from his hand.

"I'm actually going to keep looking." And just like that, she turned and began to walk slightly bent over, looking at the orange labels that hung on the shelves. Curiosity consumed him, and he also felt it his duty as the owner of the videoclub to assist his customers in making a choice.

"Are you looking for something in particular?"

"Well... What do you have with Robert De Niro?" Neil's eyes suddenly lit up, as if her personality had a chance at salvation the moment those words came out of her mouth.

"Most of his works, there's his classics like Goodfellas, Taxi Driver... I even have Heat if you're looking for something more thrilling."

"Heat?"

"Heat is one of the most critically acclaimed nineties crime dramas. It also stars Al Pacino, it's this kinda' cop and criminal trope but so realistically achieved, even the sound of firearms is claimed to be one of the most realistic in the history of film-"

"I'll just take that one." The tip of her finger slowly grazed his as she gently took the Heat VHS from his hands, a friendly awkward grin displaying discomfort. "It's just for my dad."

"Oh... Sixteen Candles' for you I guess." A soft nasal laugh left her body as her head tilted down, shaking in denial.

"No, that's for my dad too." Ok, weird, but by then she had undeniably picked his curiosity.

"Nothing for you then?"

"I prefer a cheaper rental, this is my dad's membership." As if he couldn't see for himself that such a name would never belong to her, it could only be that of an old geezer who he still struggled to recognise even though he was a member. And even though she intended to make a subtle comment, it did not come off that way.

"Oh yeah? And what do you rent in the cheaper club?" Media Giant could have a wider offer and lower prices, but Neil assumed it wasn't a real loss if the clientele consisted of girls like her.

"I like French movies, Harmony Korine, seventies giallos... Why, you want me to rent them from you instead?" While her first pick was particularly predictable, Italian giallos were a genre he was interested in exploring, and of which he hardly had any in his extensive collection. Neil shrugged almost dramatically, trying to incite her to take yet another pick.

"It wouldn't hurt your dad. Except for the giallo part, ‘can't help you there."

"You mean you have no giallos here?" His face deformed into an awkward pout, as if he'd been defeated in his own ground. "You look like the type of guy to own them on Criterion."

"I don't think so, no." By that point, the humiliation of her light cackle upsetted and confused him even further, returning her change as she piled up the tapes.

"If you ever want to watch a good Dario Argento movie, you let me know when I return you these." And marking her goodbye with a soft grin that slightly lifted the sunglasses that rested above her cheeks, Neil was taken aback beyond speech. Was it a date? Was she joking? He couldn't quite understand, and so couldn't come up with a proper response.

But seven days passed before she returned, and he would have to charge her the late fees that added to the sixteen dollars. However, in the course of those five days Neil hardly remembered her, briefly making a comment about it to his friends. Neil was not the type of man to stress easily, and he was exercising his peace that particular afternoon as he watched the director's cut of Psycho, to him a movie that truly never got old. He snacked on the couch in a slobby posture, his limbs spread over it without a care about presentation. It was not the type of day for him to expect too many customers, and it was too hot to go outside anyway. Hardly did he ever struggle to find an excuse to stay in anyway, so when he heard the doorknob pushed down his expression shifted into a displeased grimace. His eyes peered over the backrest, displeased to find that someone had indeed come in.

As he got up and stretched, mindfully appearing to be homeless, he caught a glimpse of her again. Her head was tilted and on her hands were the two tapes she had borrowed. He was surprised to have even forgotten that he'd rented her the films, usually being more attentive about what went in and out of his club. Probably the bizarre interaction had caused him to forget. That time she wore a tiny pair of black shorts with black stockings up the knees and also black, sharp-pointed flats. The usual thick, high-waisted belt accompanied a loose sage blouse, which was accessorised with elongated collars of various unique beads, and the peculiar yellow-tinted shades. Not that Neil cared at all about fashion, nor did he understand it, but he assumed she was going for chic.

"Sorry for not coming by sooner, hope you didn't miss these." She placed the tapes on the counter and quickly began looking through her pockets for the money she assumed she'd have to pay for being two days late. Before he could tell her how much extra she owed, she placed the four dollars on top of the movies.

"How'd you know how much..." Neil's finger drew a circle above the tapes and the money, as if she was some sort of genie or simply gambling with how much he'd charge compared to his prime competitor.

"My dad." She quickly interrupted, offering him her usual small grin of politeness before making her way out. Yet by that point Neil wasn't oblivious to her previous invitation, overwhelmed by the curiosity her strange looks provoked him.

"Is... the offer for that Dario Argento still up?" He could tell she was smiling through the way her cheeks lifted, visible from behind, and the way her voice sounded. When people smile and talk, their voice accommodates to the wider lips and sound friendlier.

"Glad you asked."

It was by that point that the old-Hollywood mystery enthusiast Neil and the French new-wave, foreign murder-thriller enjoyer Y/N frequented each other in what consisted of visits to the Gumshoe Video and her place. In contrast to his original impression of her, she was quite the film collector, owning a perfect shrine that ranged from art house Kino Lorber films to a wide range of classics on Criterion. She was truly well stocked. The only thing obvious to him from the start was that she was a great enthusiast of foreign films, something she even gave away in the unique way she dressed.

She was also an occasional actress, kindly starring in the indie projects of some of her film geek friends, many who shockingly knew Neil as well. It was natural for them to have so many people in common, especially because people with mutual interests were bound to come across each other in such a small town, however he was surprised to not have seen her previously roaming around or in any of his friends' films. She had a look that just gave away she'd be into acting, the role of a muse seemed to fit her character perfectly.

Because of this, as soon as Neil began to grow an interest in impressing her, she was surprised to hear he wanted to try and film an experimental short, try his luck at producing something beyond an advertising trailer for his videoclub, something more artistic.

Obviously he invited her to star in it, and even though he'd expected her to jump in his arms in excitement, never did she show herself to be shocked or taken aback by any of the bizarre propositions he had in mind. Neil wasn't very knowledgeable or even interested in the world that existed beneath experimental indie films, but she seemed to be willing to comply with the various shots of strange ideas he sketched frantically in strangely-drawn frames.

When it was finally time to shoot, it was clear that the whole tape would be very rudimentary, using the 35mm film gauge she had offered to lend him, demanding that he treat her camera with extreme care.

Despite Neil's attempts of disclosing what exactly he had in mind, rough sketches were clearly not enough, as the minute they began to shoot and the scenes began to come to life, it became too clear to her that Neil just wanted to see her naked, behaving like a conceited filmographer in poor attempts of masking his amateurism. It was hard to imagine senior film-makers like Jean-Luc Godard, especially the favourites of Y/N, and the thousands of breast and butt-naked women takes they had witnessed being filmed in their lifetime. Neil found it hard to imagine them behaving with naturality, but then again he assumed it was the only way to behave if they were actually in search of pristine shots.

"You don't seem to be taking this too seriously." She finally scolded, her forearm hugging her chest to cover her breasts once Neil cut the cameras.

"What do you mean? I'm directing here."

"You're wasting film in countless shots of my tits, what message are you trying to convey?" Interrogation was not on his plans, especially because Neil expected artistic and abstract film to not be questioned, but rather merely interpreted.

"It's about... the beauty of the raw human body." His tone didn't project confidence, and Y/N could tell he was feeding her bull-shit.

"Okay, then I'll film you too."

"Sorry, what?"

"It's not the human body if you also don't see the male." He didn't seem too convinced, obviously it was far more amusing to simply watch than to have to partake. "You and all these film-makers are so open minded when it comes to seeing women, but there's still a taboo for the male body." Neil couldn't find in him the interest to follow her idea. Obviously she had a valid point, but he was never the type to pay attention to the underlying message behind highly interpretable films, rather driven to puzzling movies where connecting the dots until the end was the reason to get his brain working.

However, how could he disagree? By that point it couldn't get more intimate than that, and a sudden high of confidence invaded him and prompted him to begin to undress himself. He began by his shirt, clumsily taking it off and visibly embarrassed. As he begins to rid himself from his pants and underwear, feeling the lens of the camera stare at him probingly, the desire to turn back strikes him to his core. He finally stands there, exposed and naked. He tries to look defiant and confident, but he's achingly vulnerable.

The camera is delighted with his expressions, and his body is posed like he wants to bend inwards and disappear into the air, but just when the filming of his most exposed self seems to never end, the camera lowers and his eyes meet with hers, and her own naked body too.

The naturality with which she accepted being in the spotlight seemed to indicate it was not the first time she filmed something of the sort, and Neil began to wonder who exactly had been gifted with pioneering in such a scene. He, on the other hand, was awkward and hardly artistic, his skinny body and shaky blue eyes screaming how out of place he felt.

"Do you think that's good enough?"

"Yes, I can't keep lending you more film anyway."

"That was... something." As she sat on the floor naked, her back arched sideways and her legs to her left as her arm supported the body, displaying total relaxation. Meanwhile, he couldn't wait for her permission to get back dressed, staring at her clothes as he waited for her to pick them up and imply she could do the same.

"It's a great thing when you realise you still have the ability to surprise yourself. Makes you wonder what else you can do that you've forgotten about."

"American Beauty?"

"Yes." In a way, the scene did share odd similarities to the American classic. The filming of odd, regular things and their naked bodies, Neil was bound to expect what would come next would follow as in the movie. He slowly crouched and sat before her, the two sharing brief stares that felt like a lifetime. Her gaze was soft and mellow, contagiously transmitting her tranquillity to his own as he pondered on whether to make a move or not.

By that point it was obvious they were not going to leave that room without something happening before, but the decision of who would initiate the contact seemed to be difficult as the longest minute of their lives passed by them.

So when she finally accommodated her posture and began to lean closer to him, he crawled her way progressing from soft and careful movements to pounding her against the floor. The sound of bone against the wooden floor caused them both to wince, her face wrinkling in a frown of pain. It was before she could hold her head to stroke herself that his own hand slid down from her temple to the back of her head, holding her up to finally kiss her.

The kiss was long, and the sound of their lips engaging in humid contact as their tongues went in and out of each other's mouth echoed across the empty room, Neil's free hand travelling from her navel to her breast as her arms wrapped around his slender body. Her legs followed the motion, soon making her look like she hung from him, clinged to his back as he arched to reach closer to her. Her gaze ogled from the corner of her eye in search of the camera as her arm reached out, finally being released from his grip to set up and continue to film themselves, a prime example of human beauty in its most raw expression.

Needless to say that beyond physical pleasure, it was an intellectual disappointment for the two that despite their love for film, they still couldn't make sex look and feel like a scene from Body Heat, sexiness was greatly rehearsed after all.

this sucks ass i just wanted to write filmbro cillian murphy and yap about my favorite movies tbhngl

#cillian murphy #watching the detectives #neil lewis #neil lewis x reader

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anti-spop · 5 months

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as i said before, i believe that spop got inspired by zuko's redemption arc when they developed catra's. one thing that makes me think that is the "hair arc" both characters go through. or at least that's smth fans love to compare and i wanted to dissect here.

i think with the exception of s5, catra's hair arc is less extreme in the first four seasons. catra took out her hair tufts in s4. i've seen ppl point out that it was bc shadow weaver would touch that specific part of her hair to mess with her, so catra removed it altogether. regardless, her hair is also visibly straightened (and longer?) in s4, unlike it's "wilder" appearance in s1-3.

but then s5 comes around... and catra's hair is forcibly cut. she doesn't have the choice to do that. even then, ppl still compare catra's hair arc to zuko's, likely how the hair looks itself. but let me tell you why they're different.

zuko is always the one who changes his hair.

in book 1, zuko and iroh are forced to hide from the fire nation. zuko is the one who cuts his own hair. it grows throughout book 2, which also indicates zuko's growth as a person. he's starting to realize things. at one point he even starts accepting living in the earth kingdom with his uncle. but then azula comes along and she convinces zuko to return home and restore his honor. while yes, azula manipulated him, zuko still made the choice to go back to the fire nation when he could very well not to. he betrayed uncle iroh and katara (and the gaang overall), and with that he returned home.

in book 3, zuko's hair was mainly tied up, probably indicating the control of the fire nation over him. i vaguely remember his hair being loose whenever he went out and visited his uncle in prison, or when he was with mai (though in some situations with her, his hair was still tied up). finally, zuko lets it free, he faces his father and decides to join the avatar. regardless of influences, because they were there, zuko always had the choice to do differently. that's why his hair arc is so meaningful. in fact, his hair is never the same in all three seasons of atla.

catra's hair arc is not the same. i think it's implied that she cut it even more after being chipped by horde prime, considering it looks even shorter than when she was brainwashed. still, catra didn't have the choice here. and if you headcanon her as a woman of color (which nate somewhat "confirmed"), then this is only more insensitive and not well thought out. they never touch on that specific part of her arc. catra is never shown to be upset about her hair. if anything, it only makes her look "cute" and a "soft uwu baby" (when she rlly isn't). i hate that fans who apparently love the fact catra is a woc never call this out. everyone seems happy with short-haired catra.

the only ppl i've seen that actually criticized this decision are spop crits/antis like myself. i could be wrong, but fans rarely criticize this show overall.

anyway, yeah, i'm tired of everyone trying to tell me catra and zuko are the same. their hair arcs are not at all alike.

#i post #spop critical #racism mention tw

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prismaticpichu · 3 months

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Posted this fic on an alt account bc I kinda just barfed it out this morning without worrying about quality/being up to snuff with regular stuff but then kinda chickened out and orphaned that account but I honestly don’t want 2.5K worth of words to go to waste so here we are!

Hope you enjoy! A little Zack & Angeal & Sephiroth nonsense for your reading pleasure <33

Unprofessionalism

Angeal was giving him a Look.

A really, really, really stern Look.

Zack Fair stood in the doorway of his mentor's apartment—the first time he had ever entered his mentor's apartment, actually, and all his initial excitement of stepping foot into one of SOLDIER's most elite living spaces had been frozen to subzero temperatures while simultaneously feeling like he was under the scrutiny of two Mako-blue heat lamps as Angeal frowned down at him with a pursed lip and furrowed brow.

Zack swallowed.

What...what did he do? He didn't charge inside the place like a bull who'd been bit in the butt (even though he really wanted to), he didn't track any dirt on the clean wooden floors...Heck, he had immediately removed his shoes the moment he passed the threshold—

"Zack." Angeal finally broke the tension with all the ease of a butterknife. "...What is on your feet?"

...

Huh?

Zack blinked in surprise, taken aback by the question, the burning radiance of those heat lamps toning down just a tad as he rubbed his neck and glanced down at his feet.

"Uh...socks?" he said, and hoped that it was the right answer. Especially given that it was the only answer.

...Surely 'Geal could see that he was wearing proper foot covering, right? Right?! He wasn't some heathen who would risk blistering his feet with the abrasive material of the SOLDIER footwear. So what gives? They were perfectly fine socks—and perfectly clean to boot. There was no dirt; there were no holes; they didn't even smell all too bad. Just two perfectly fine socks that were covering his feet, one white with blue polka dots and the other black with green stripes. Completely and utterly normal.

Zack glanced back up, hoping his (obvious) answer would be enough to satisfy.

Annnnd Angeal was still giving him a Look.

...Oh for the love of sugar-frosted corn flakes.

"What?" Zack had to finally ask. "What'd I do? Really!"

Angeal's expression didn't change.

"...Your socks."

The response was dry, slow, like the sluggish pace and molasses-coated syllables would somehow manage to make it any less vague.

"What about my socks?"

The heat lamp cranked up the heat. Angeal folded his arms, furrowed brow twitching, tilting his head slightly like he had just asked what on Gaia two plus two equates to.

And took a deep breath.

"They're mismatching."

...

Huh?

Zack glanced back down at his socks—at the stripes and dots, at the lefty and righty—genuinely and unabashedly and totally confused, before looking back up at has mentor again.

"Uh...so?"

...

The heat lamp reached solar levels.

Zack rubbed his neck.

Welp. That just earned him a one-way, non-refundable ticket to a good ol' lecture if he'd ever seen one.

"...Zack," Angeal started tightly.

Annnnnnddd there it was.

He tried not to groan.

"What do I always tell you is the most vital part of being a SOLDIER?”

"Embracing your dreams," Zack mindlessly regurgitated.

"Correct. And what else?"

"...Protecting your honor." The second part came as a sigh.

"Good. And what do you think that means, pup? To protect your honor?"

Zack once again rubbed his neck, struggling to puzzle out how this going-through-the-motions lecture connected to the apparent topic of his sock choices.

"Uh...to not cheat on exams?"

"Nope. Try again."

"Uhhhh..."

"It means not only acting the part of a SOLDIER, pup, but looking the part as well. Do you understand where I'm going with this?"

Zack was certain at this point that Angeal's definition of "SOLDIER honor" was actually made of clay and could basically be kneaded and molded to fit whatever unspoken law he managed to break in the moment. Like when he wasn't cutting his meatballs into appropriate sizes before consuming them and Angeal went on to say that the true meaning of "SOLDIER honor" meant having good table manners and apparently nothing else.

"Not really," Zack admitted.

Angeal's brows did a little dance.

"I mean, Zack, that wearing proper and appropriate attire is a clear-cut sign of your respect and appreciation towards military standards. Anything below that not only shows your impropriety, but shows you have a complete and utter lack of respect towards the SOLDIERs around you who are wearing the proper attire. Do you understand now?”

...

...Huh?

"I guess," Zack said, for the sheer sake of moving this grueling process along.

How was it that he hadn't moved from the doormat?

Angeal kept his arms folded. "Do you want to be a First, Zack?"

Zack's head snapped up, something struck, blue eyes suddenly doe-like. "More than anything!"

"Then I suggest you start dressing like it." Angeal finally lowered his arms. "Because, frankly, I do not appreciate the messages you are sending to me by wearing your..." He eyed Stripes and Dots with an unveiled, purposeful disdain. "Incongruent socks."

"But 'Geaaaal," Zack protested, actually starting to get a little offended. "You can't even see my socks with the boots on! Who even cares?”

"It's not about that, pup. It's about the principle."

Oh, the principle. It's always about the principle.

"Geal..."

"Don't argue with me, pup. It's completely unprofessional."

"But—“

"No buts. Now please go change them."

"What?”

"Go on."

"Geal!"

"Go."

"C'mon—“

"Now, Zack."

"Can I at least have a snack?"

"After you change. Now go."

"C'mon, this is totally—“

"Zack."

"But—“

"Zackary Calypso Fair."

...

Why did he ever tell him his middle name?

Letting out a long, exaggerated, petulant sign in resignation—and for the sake of getting off this stinking doormat—Zack begrudgingly complied. With a slump in his shoulders he turned around and started out the door, not even bothering to slip his boots back on because apparently they just didn't matter so long as the fabric underneath them wasn't fit for proper SOLDIER day-to-day life.

...Fooey.

The boy's eyes remained glued to Stripy and Dots as he took his walk of shame towards the elevator.

...He'd been wearing his socks like this ever since he was a little tadpole back in Gongaga. They were his, like, good luck charm—didn't 'Geal see that?! Some people plucked four-leaved clovers from the ground, others carried horseshoes with them. Well, not him. He—Zack Fair—had always held tight to the belief that all good fortune started with mismatching socks. Specifically ones with different patterns. And then there was the question of how in Moogle's magical mascara he was supposed to find matching socks—because, well, his drawer was kinda but totally a rainbow explosion of different socks that had been long ripped from their pairs and set off to marry other mates in the sea. Like, really. That's what it looked like. It would take him hours to organize them all again. Days, even. Months? Years? Centuri—

So subsumed in his sock-serious dilemma, Zack was completely impervious to the sound of the elevator dinging in front of him.

As was he impervious to the sound of a person stepping out of it.

As was he impervious to any sense of time and space as he proceeded to mindlessly walk into the open car only to be stopped by walking straight into someone's open coat instead.

Gah! Shoot shoot shoot.

Zack jolted back into his body, startled , shaking his head from the impact as a deep coral gushed onto his cheeks.

And boy oh boy did his cheeks nearly burn off as his head shot up and he caught sight of the serpentine eyes peering into his own.

...

Oh.

Frosted.

Cornflakes.

Zack's mouth opened way too fast.

"Oh—uh! I'm sorry, Sir! General, Sir! Sephiroth, General, Sir! I didn't mean to walk into your chest or anything—I, uh, I promise! I was just kinda lost in thought y'know—I can be a real space cadet sometimes even though I haven't been a cadet in over a year and erm anyway uh do you like meatballs—“

"At ease, SOLDIER." Sephiroth's voice was smooth, even, and unruffled. "Just keep your head up next time."

...

Huh. That was pretty nice, actually.

Zack nodded vigorously nonetheless, taking a step back, but was relieved to feel the blazes of tension dwindling away in his body. "Y-yes, Sir. Will do."

Anything to avoid repeating that.

...Seriously.

He was surprised to see the man tilt his head, a rather benign gesture as Sephiroth regarded him curiously. "What are you doing on this floor, SOLDIER? Do you have business being here?"

Zack's lips quirked into a smile. "Sure do! My mentor's a First Class; was just coming to chill at his place after some training."

Sephiroth hummed in understanding, straightening his look. "Ah. So you're Zackary?"

Zack's eyes might as well have exploded into stars.

"Yeah! Yeah, that's me! How'd you know?!"

Angeal would not approve of this explicit lack of "Sirring". But who cared two Chocobo nuggets about that? Sephiroth knew his name! His name! Little tadpole Zack's name!

A ghost of a smile crossed Sephiroth's lips. "Angeal's a friend," he explained smoothly. "He has mentioned having a student before."

... No freakin' waaaaaYYYYYYY YY—

Before Zack could let that sound out, thankfully, the general's expression shifted to that of confusion.

And in a matter of nanoseconds Zack was realizing exactly what he was staring at.

And the coral instantly came flooding back.

I know, I know, I'm going! You don't need to reinforce it. Mismatched socks are for squares, i've been told. I won't be a square. Just lay it on me.

He swallowed, holding his breath, and—

"...Why aren't you wearing shoes, Zackary?" Sephiroth asked puzzledly.

—let his breath go.

...

…

Well.

That wasn't exactly the question he was expecting.

Nonetheless, it was a question—a question from General Sephiroth—and for the sake of not looking like any more of a buffoon, it was one that he should answer in a timely manner. Like now.

Like right now.

Zack rubbed his neck, masking as much of his surprise as possible.

"Well, uh, Angeal...he kinda, y'know...told me to change my socks."

Sephiroth remained silent for several moments.

"...Why?"

...

Why...?

Zack could hardly believe what he was hearing.

"Well, y'know. He said...y'know..."

He was trying his best to gesture verbally to the Obvious—an Obvious that Sephiroth, judging by sheer countenance alone, wasn't grasping, which seemed completely and utterly ridiculous given that circulating rumors told of Sephiroth's collective IQ being higher than that of the entire SOLDIER unit clumped together (Angeal himself included) . And yet here he was, looking completely and utterly stumped like he was the world's most Unfair crossword puzzle.

Which meant that Zack was forced to continue.

"You know..." He swallowed. "He said that, well, he said that...Said that wearing mismatching socks was unprofessional and I was being disrespectful and showing impro-pie-ity or something and that true SOLDIER's honor was all in the dress code even though I thought he said it was about table manners and then another time he said it was about tying your laces and anyway he said he wouldn't give me a snack until I change so now I have to abandon my superstitions and conform to the SOLDIER sock wearing code."

...

Sephiroth remained silent for several more moments.

...

And when he spoke again, some five or thirty seconds later, Zack was certain he could be bowled over with a feather.

"Well..." he said slowly, turning his gaze away with a hum. "I suppose I am an activate displayer of impro-pie-ity myself.”

Zack blinked.

...

Huh?

Now, it was his turn to cock his head. "...Whad'ya mean?"

It didn't take many words for his question to be answered; it didn't take many syllables. Which, well, when Zack thought about it... may have been partly due to the fact that Sephiroth's response didn't require any words at all.

Instead, as that ghost of a smile took possession of his lips and curled into a real, true smirk, Sephiroth bent down—alllll the way to his boots, allll the way to the cuffs of his pants—and proceeded to roll up the iconic black material until the clothing underneath was visible.

And that was when the feather bowled Zack right over.

Because there, hugging the bottommost part of his legs and disappearing into the tunnel of his boots, were a pair of socks. But not just any socks: a blue sock on his right, mottled with yellow polka dots, and a plain gray sock on his left. Socks that were not matching in style, color, nor pattern; socks that were chaotic, wild, and free. Socks that were completely and utterly incongruent as they come.

Zack's mouth fell agape.

"Angeal can get more than a little carried away with his lectures." The smirk was still playing on his lips as Sephiroth rolled his cuffs back down. "Not to mention the fact that First Classes have complete freedom in regard to their clothing choices. Did he tell you that?"

Zack shook his head.

"Or course not." Sephiroth shook his own, bangs of silver swishing with the motion. "He still wears the standard uniform everywhere he goes."

The man straightened back upright, smirk still present, and bestowed upon him a brief nod of understanding.

"I wouldn't be too disheartened by Angeal's preaching, my friend. He once lectured me for shaking too much Parmesan cheese onto my dinner."

The numbing, incredulous awe that had enveloped him was finally broken by a laugh.

"...For real?! What'd you say to him?"

"I told him to back off, of course," Sephiroth replied smugly. "That I wasn't a child and could do what I want. Same as when he scolded me to change my socks."

He glanced down at Stripy and Dots, that satisfied smirk melting into something of a genuine smile.

"Very nice colors, by the way. I approve."

And then he was gone, like a silver leaf in the wind, sailing down the hallway towards his own apartment and closing the door behind him.

Zack remained silent for several, several moments.

...

Wow.

What a guy.

#sephiroth #ffvii #zack fair #angeal hewley #crisis core #ff7 #randomness #pichu writing #fanfic #writing #ff7 fanfic #just poking fun at Angeal’s ‘lectures’#dhdhdhdhhd

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weizhiyuan · 2 months

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get to know me 💗💗

tysm for the tag rin @markpakin!! <333

🦑 do you make your bed? sometimes? not that often tho lol

🦑 what's your favourite number? 3!

🦑 what is your job? idk why I feel like I don’t wanna share this one for privacy reasons so ummm…

🦑 if you could go back to school, would you? I have to go back tomorrow anyway bc my break is ending </3

🦑 can you parallel park? I guess technically yeah but I will literally avoid it at all costs bc I hate doing it LMAO

🦑 a job you had that would surprise people? I don’t think anything would be surprising skdjfj

🦑 do you think aliens are real? YES. and I unironically want to be abducted so bad don’t even get me started… (also see: my pinned post lol)

🦑 can you drive a manual car? probably not bc I’ve never tried

🦑 what's your guilty pleasure? I’m sure I have one but rn I can’t think of any which maybe is a good thing…??

🦑 tattoos? currently two, one of my dog’s paw print on my ankle & one of two aliens above my elbow that chuu from loona drew for me when I met her at a fansign hehe (+ I have another one planned in less than a month that I’ll likely share here later lol) (& I have other ones I wanna get sometime in the future…)

🦑 favorite color? red! or more specifically burgundy

🦑 favorite type of music? alternative is so vague but I guess technically that… whatever you call paramore’s music. and also fun stuff like kpop !

🦑 do you like puzzles? YESSSSS they’re addictive I love anything from 2000 piece puzzles to brain teasers lol

🦑 any phobias? spiders, jellyfish, & leeches

🦑 favorite childhood sport? swimming was & still is a lot of fun hehe

🦑 do you talk to yourself? ya

🦑 what movies do you adore? SECRETS IN THE HOT SPRING MY FAVORITE MOVIE EVER, utsukushii kare eternal, the way he looks, and dear ex come to mind

🦑 coffee or tea? neither but I guess I like tea slightly more…?

🦑 first thing you wanted to be growing up? I have a memory of me saying I wanted to be a scientist when I was like 5 but I don’t think I rlly actually did sndkdjdj

tagging: @idletype @loserlesbianongsa @iliketodecompose @celestial-sapphicss @brightokyolights @serene-skies but no pressure :P

#this was fun thank u for the tagggg eheheheh #tag game #b.txt

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icharchivist · 4 months

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oh shit wait, dgm250 reactions up

-this is such a cool design from the mind of the problem twins i love it

-I've been saying for YEARS that i didn't believe Allen to be the heart, even when Apo started to obsess with him and everyone started saying he had to be the heart to justify why Apo was after him so bad. Tyki you and i share the same mind. thank you so much for putting it into words i'm going to start yelling. wanna hear my heart theory ag--

Though for equivalency sake i do have to mention that if Allen was the heart, i think Apocryphos would see Tyki say Allen couldn't be the heart and actually roll with it to protect the heart. so i don't think the fact Apo "confirms" Allen isn't the heart actually confirms anything, since on the contrary it's giving him an opportunity to protect the heart by agreeing.

I still think Allen isn't the heart, but Apocryphos's confirmation isn't actually one until we know for sure.

-"You're also obsessed with My Allen" "he's not Your Allen" TELL HIM TYKI, BUT ALSO WTF APO GET THE FUCK AWAY. CREEP.

-So it's attachement that provoked it? bc ngl i kept expecting Joyd took this face out of spite. but does it mean Joyd and Nea used to be close??? Oh the mystery thickens.

-this reaction is so fun lmao

-you're trying to hide something Wisely. I feel that.

SLFHJDLKFJDKLJFDKLFJKLDJFKLDJF

-So Allen not the heart, Tyki wonders why he's so obsessed with him....

but if Joyd and Nea used to be close, wouldn't it make sense of Joyd used to know Past!Allen? So Tyki could have become obsessed with Allen due to vague memories of the past?

and besides of Past!Allen was actually the ex Bookman Apprentice it would also explain why Tyki has been challenging Lavi in particular during fights. NO i'm not letting my ten years old theory dies i have a point i swear (have no point)

-So Wisely is to blame for it??? Makes sense then that the innocence was the thing that more or less broke the lock on Tyki when Allen poisoned him. BUT THEY'RE REMOVING THE LOCK? HELLO???

-wet.

-oh my god Kanda ALREADY reached Mana's grave?!

SHITTT THEY REALLY DIDNT WASTE ANY TIME HOLY SHIT. HOLY SHITTTT.

WE'RE GETTING THERE.

tho seeing baby Allen near Mana's corpse like this is destroying me.

Also add "their loved ones who became akuma are associated to flowers who found their ways down in the mud" to the similitude between Kanda and Allen.

Also never has grave robbing looked this pretty.

God this is gorgeous and stunning.

Final thoughts:

the chapter was so good wtf.

Beautiful art as always, some interesting things regarding the lore. Heart Theory is back on track, we have progress with the Noa memory and how Joyd apparently was affectionate to Nea?? god does Joyd know past!Allen is now the question....

But yeah more questions than not and more recentering some old theories back in topic.

i'm looking forward to see where it's going. dgm amazing as always, incredible chapter.

#ichablogging dgm #dgm spoilers #dgm250

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inhuman-obey-me · 1 year

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If obey me wasnt a otome game what do you think will be different? And it makes me laugh that we are romanticising the devil which just seems so funny. Ik its a game but its just a funny concept

Okay but we love romancing the devil. More games should let us smooch Lucifer/other demon royalty. Please.

But this is a fun thing to think about!

(long game design rambles below the cut)

Even if Obey Me was still a visual novel game but without the romance, there is a lot that could change. We'd have a lot less of the characters vying for the player's attention, meaning the game would also be less prone to gag-type situations and allow for a consistently more serious storyline. It could be something like Twisted Wonderland, where the MC still has a role but it isn't as big nor central to the conflicts and problems of the story, thus playing more of an observer role.

The devs actually mentioned in early videos that when making the game, they had to scale back some of their ideas because they "didn't want it to feel too much like an adventure game" and still focus on the romance since it was a dating sim. Interestingly, Nightbringer seems to be testing the waters on this now and going back to a more dramatic story, so maybe we'll actually get to see that kind of adventure vibe now!

If the game was still following the main points of gathering pacts with the demon brothers...well, maybe we really are just becoming Solomon 2.0 at that point, new title is Solomon Simulator 2023 BC. But really, there would probably be less of MC playing therapist and more letting us have adventures of our own, exploring the world in various ways. Hell, MC might even be living in Purgatory Hall with the other exchange students instead of oddly being the only one put in the House of Lamentation. And this more adventurous theming could also be reflected in events, with more AU themes (Pirates, Spies, Circus, etc) that allow for more fun event storylines that aren't so focused on "romantic" situations and fanservice moments.

Going along with that, we would likely get more character variety in a non-otome game, since it wouldn't be trying to make every character (except Luke) dateable or potentially future-dateable -- less ikemen, more non-male characters, maybe more body diversity! And because there'd be no expectation of romance, you could have more outright hostility too. Maybe Mephisto and Raphael could have actually fulfilled the more aggressive or antagonistic personalities they had been hinted to have! There might also be more of a canonical MC character personality too, since part of the reason it's left more open and vague is to let players self-insert for the romance. This could allow for more narration from MC as well.

Now, if we step away from the Visual Novel style, that could open up a whole new world of possibilities! Imagining OM as more of a fantasy RPG? Super fun thought.

Other characters could potentially be playable, and if so, we could perhaps see more of the characters without MC needing to be in the scene, allowing for more interactions between different characters outside the current format of occasional side/hard-mode stories.

We'd probably get a truer combat system too, even if we were just fighting random minor demons or something like the Little D's in Nightbringer's gameplay. (Apparently the only instruction the team got in making the original game was "it needs dance battles"???) The characters' skills could also be more unique to the characters since it wouldn't have to fit the rhythm/dance game format, so stuff like summoning Lotan could actually be a useful powerful thing instead of just a running gag! In fact, we could see way more powerful magic from all the characters, which would be great since OM as it is now just always conveniently forgets that these are extremely powerful demons for the sake of setting up random shenanigan situations.

A combat mechanic could also add to the narrative design of the game -- what better way to show us what a scary and dangerous place the Devildom is than to have the player have to defend themselves while navigating through it? Or imagine the characters' relationships with one another actually mattering to the gameplay, like Beel and Belphie getting a boost if they're in the party together, as with Fire Emblem's support system! Simeon being a healing angel member of the party at the start and then actually tangibly losing that as a combat ability when that part of the story happened? It would certainly hit different, that's for sure.

The story also wouldn't be confined to the 20-lesson format in that case, which could give more room for fleshing things out properly. And with a freer adventure-based storyline, it might also be a lot less focus on RAD, or maybe it wouldn't be a school setting at all! Perhaps it would focus more on the inter-realm diplomacy parts of the story. Plus, some aspects could get relegated to more environmental storytelling and interactable objects around you, leaving character interactions freed up to focus more on actual events going on.

And speaking of character interactions, there could also be a more complex and interesting system for relationships in a more RPG style game. Instead of an intimacy bar that only ever goes up and doesn't directly impact story events, you could have a more complex interaction event system, like in Telltale stuff or Mass Effect. That could still include romance without it being the central point of the game, and maybe they would also hold grudges over certain decisions, which could feed back into the combat system somehow. Unlike now, you wouldn't be able to go back to change your decisions, but there's a lot of replayability potential there.

Of course, the downside to all that it's way more work to make...game dev is hard, after all! So updates would be slower, it'd probably cost a whole lot more, and it's probably not feasible as a mobile game anymore then. But hey, a game like that would be pretty damn cool.

#yes mod chaos did study game dev in college; why do you ask?#but solmare please license someone to make this #or at least solmare please learn what narrative design is #learn a lot of things actually #we wanna kiss demons but we want to do other cool shit too #obey me #obey me!#obey me swd #obey me shall we date #omswd #obey me nightbringer #ask and ye shall be answered #ask and ye shall receive (essays)

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akuma-tenshi · 5 months

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tell me ur theories abt 100 epitaphs

had to go back to get screenshots bc i felt like i was going insane. so:

at the very beginning, during the lyrics "lay your emotions with them like a mourning wreath", there's a shot of kt's face on a headstone. which makes me believe she may have been terminated at some time during this whole thing and there's going to be a twist where yura gets into the facility with whoever the hell decides to join him only to learn she's been dead this whole time and all this was for nothing

my friend pointed this out when the video first came out but there's a shot of yura during the first chorus where he's surrounded by several mostly-unnamed characters when they say "another apathetic epitaph". iirc he's between kolya and nikita, both of whom are dead, and their faces are shown in frames, likely symbolising those photos that are displayed during funerals. which could very possibly foreshadow yura dying, probably during the mission to save kt.

olga being shown with flowers sprouting out of her does not give me hope for her. this is especially worrying considering the fact that she's shown in occam's razor during the line "but some ventures require a sacrificial lamb" - this could refer to her taking the fall for yura after the whole incident in the zone but it's still concerning. oddly enough i'm less confident in this than in my yura and kt dying theories bc it just doesn't feel like olga would die (wouldn't make sense or be satisfying from a narrative perspective) but it's still possible. if she doesn't die then she's definitely not coming out of this the same

this is not the last we've seen of sergei. this may just be wishful thinking (love that square......) and ik he basically just gave up on sanya. but anyone who's tried to help an especially difficult person will tell you it's not that easy to just let them go, especially considering that he's already done so much for her and still has skin in the game even if he does completely drop his sister (*gestures vaguely at that one drawing of him reading a book on "breaking your girlfriend out of jail" or smthn.... ik it's just a silly joke but i'd be fuckin hyped if we got sergei breaking olga out of prison). something tells me he's going to keep trying to influence things from afar without getting too invested; whether he'll keep trying to help sanya or just focus all his effort on olga, i'm not sure.

sanya is becoming another yura. she's getting more hopeless and desperate, not to save kt but to protect / help yura. she's doing crazier and crazier shit and has managed to stay in contact with him even though sergei tried to stop them from meeting. the shot of her laughing surrounded by candles, the shot of her sitting so nonchalantly against the wall talking to dima, the shot of her standing up to sergei to protect yura... she feels very yuracore and it worries me. also the shot of her strangling her past self, the one that was much more optimistic and bright yet sheltered.. any writer will tell you that having a character literally harm / kill their past self is the number one way of indicating that they're completely cutting off their past and moving on.

this is a very stupid theory but kolya isn't actually dead. he plays way more of a role in 100 epitaphs than he ever did before. and yes nikita has content too but there are just.. so many shots of kolya (the one that stands out most to me is of him sitting in the center of the screen with headphones on). he may not be the same person but like. what if the grinder didn't kill him?? what if he's alive, just far away from all this?? what if he comes back?? changed and injured but still kolya. ((god i hope i'm talking about the right person here if that isn't kolya i'm going to look like such a dumbass))

also the title "100 epitaphs" and the prominent presence of two (supposedly) dead characters.... it doesn't inspire confidence in a lot of these characters' chances of surviving.

sorry if some of this is incoherent or just downright weird, i've been up for a while. but i will always take up an opportunity to rant about this video it's had me positively ill. i was literally fucking shaking while typing this

#happy one month to 100 epitaphs #came out at a time i really fucking needed it tbh #rambling #thanks for the ask!!#pafl #parties are for losers #pafl theories #100 epitaphs

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traumxrei-archive · 1 year

Text

【 book 6 thoughts ! 】

i said i'd share my thoughts, so here they are so far >:DD

part: one, two, three, four / ??

[ warning: spoilers for book 6 up until 6-16 under the cut !! ]

[ about : overblot lore drop ]

it took yuu long enough to actually TELL CROWLEY that grim was eating those rocks :')))) makes 110% sense that grim would lash out if he's been ingesting 5-overblot's-worth of purified blot

but also, i...can't believe it took twst this long to actually explain what was going on when we were fighting the overblots jsfksdfk like this whole time i've been assuming that people just. get knocked out or tired, but what they explained made so much more sense.

crowley has said that overblotting is rare. but then how come at nrc ?? there's been 5 consecutive overblots in less than a school year ?? (the twst timeline so far is from sept till around feb, bc book 5 was set during a "spring festival" iirc) the reason they don't know enough about overblots is bc they don't have enough subjects who have overblotted to research, so... i do wonder if there's something else at play here, maybe something has changed in NRC since yuu came ?

[ about : ortho lowkey scares me ]

ortho honey....wdym do we need bring back the target alive.....ofc we need grim alive sobs (the juxtaposition between his youthful n polite way of talking + the way he literally knows everything bc his brain is the internet kinda scares me a lot.)

[ about : vil's apology ]

i made a separate post to talk about this bc i started writing n it really got too long, so yes. but also. vil whipping out 50k madol like it's nothing. his acting career has really done him well.

and kalim donating it to ramshackle, my beloved. he's so nice. even while he's saying "it was sO RUN DOWN !!" as kalim was listing out the bad stuff abt ramshackle, i wonder how yuu was able to LIVE in this dump for 6 months.

[ about : ROBOTS ???? ]

HELLO ?? INTRUDERS ????? ROBOTS ?? WHAT ????? they're ignihyde blue....also the boat ? logo ? on their arms ??? what the heck does that mean ??? ok wait i can vaguely read out letters on their arm,,,styx ?? like the river styx in the greek underworld ? having a headache, are we gonna see the underworld somehow in this book ? wait, if the facility or whatever is called styx, are these robots the "charons" ? they're carrying oar-like staffs + they're trying to capture targets D and E and bring them in,,,,kinda like how charon brought souls in a boat to cross the styx river in myth. (also i was right, leona called them ferrymen >:DD)

(n they have grim. interesting that they'd ignore yuu tho, considering it was them who is the string that connects all the overblots.)

(also don't you just hate it when you win the battle, but then in canon the chars actually lost the battle. so you're just sitting there like -_-)

[ about: ob gang's capture ]

it was. very in character how each of them got captured.

vil and jamil were protecting other people (aka the freshmen, and in jamil's case, kalim) vil is really big on his responsibilities, so even though he authorized the use of magic, he still told the freshmen to stand back bc he knew they were unskilled in combat magic n that they'd get hurt bc they don't know hot to properly defend. meanwhile, jamil was probably covering any of kalim's blindspots + making sure he doesn't get hurt while looking for places where he could attack.

riddle went out with a bang, they hit him with a paralyzing beam, and he still had enough magic power to set everything on fire before they could hit him again. he also authorized everyone to fight, bc he probably believed that a group effort could take them down. as always, his sheer firepower is very impressive, the amount of magic he has and his attacking prowess is...wow.

leona....protected ruggie from harm first, saving him from glass and telling him to back off. and then he immediately scanned them to identify who they are. and of course, leona of all people, would know who they are. i think people forget, but a large reason why leona's so smart and why he skips class is bc he quite literally learned all that material when he was younger. the fact that he was the only one to recognize anti-magic plates meaning that resistance was futile and the logo from his time at the palace. (and that moment between ruggie and leona,,,,leona knows that he can trust ruggie w/ the wellbeing of savanaclaw until he returns T^T)

meanwhile azul was with idia, even though he didn't know what was happening, he got extra info from idia n ortho,,, the way azul was about to fight and idia went don't bother (bc he actually likes azul as a friend bro), and ortho went "the chances of you sustaining an injury drops by 87% if you don't struggle ^^" also. idia being concerned ? kind of ? by the ferrymen's forcefulness while coming in and taking the students is nice to see (and i KNEW it. i bet that idia's parents, or the shroud family in general, runs this Styx facility)

and they took crowley ?? crowley seems to know exactly what's going on, so i wonder why they didn't coordinate their...pick up with him beforehand (they legit destroyed so much public property + trespassed for no reason)

[ about : the plane ride ]

it's scary how they're all in a cramped dark space flying to who knows where. like how inhumane ?? they're about to take these people to do research w/ them, but clearly they don't care that they're humans, and they treat them more like convenient test subjects that have converged coincidentally in one school.

RIDDLE SLEEPING ON LEONA'S LAP IS SO FUNNY SJFDKSJFKS I CANTTTTT the way his leg was probably cramping,,,,three hours w/o moving and someone sleeping on you, he has so much patience onggg

[ about : styx ]

so...styx is an organization that does research on blot. it makes perfect sense why crowley would know they'd come knocking, since they have had 5 overblots that one school year. and the shroud family are "the watchman of the isle of woe". leona explains that they take overblotted mages there. what i don't understand is why countries can't interfere with them ?? or is it that they won't interfere with their research bc...styx' research benefits them too perhaps...?

from what leona said, they handled extreme overblot cases that regular magic marshals couldn't handle aka ones that can't un-blot anymore, so why are they coming after the ob gang ? not only were some of their overblots months ago, they've also all safely un-blotted, and transitioned back to normal life... ig my question is why them, and why now.

(it's a cool detail that the ob gang actually got help after their overblots. like it wasn't like everyone just picked up where they left off, vil mentioned medical mages and proper counseling, and that means that they were able to talk to someone about the things that troubled them.)

[ about : idia's family ]

not only do they run the jupiter conglomerate, aka the google of twisted wonderland, they might also run styx ? idia did ask the charon dudes if his mom and dad were away, ig this is what the shroud family ACTUALLY does behind the scenes of their big tech and energy business.

it also explains why idia deleted all those prospective work emails in the end of book 5,,,,bc he just knows that he won't be able to work or pursue any of his other dreams. his fate has been sealed since day 1 bc he was born a shroud, so he's probably going to end up having to take over Styx and its research in the future.

(and azul. being as on-brand as ever and saying he should've made idia in debt to him....sir, his family legit just kidnapped you, chill)

[ about : iDIA SHROUD ?? ]

HELLO. IDIA SHROUD ACTING DIRECTOR OF STYX ???? that means that his parents DO own styx, and that they're letting him run it for now while they're doing other things.... also i really hope that the ob gang don't get hurt hhhh

aaaannd i'm stopping here bc it's late, i did not realize that so much time had passed...i'm tempted to keep playing but i must sleep. n e ways yea this was just me rambling about what was happening as it happened, so i hope you...enjoyed ?? (if you did read this far)

#/trau rambles #whew book 6 has been a RIDE so far #i'm so excited to play more tomorrow :DD #book 6 spoilers #twst book 6 #chapter 6 spoilers #twst chapter 6 #idia shroud #vil schoenheit #jamil viper #riddle rosehearts #azul ashengrotto #leona kingscholar #ortho shroud #twst grim #kalim al asim #twisted wondeland

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familyagrestefanblog · 1 year

Text

About recent takes of Félix’ father vs Gabriel, Félix’ guilt in “Emotion” & How the amok- child abuse of Adrien works (part 0.1 lol)

Just to make this clear right from the get-go (although is sad that such disclaimers need to be made again): No, this is not written as a Félix Defense Post, this is me writing out my analysis’ and other thoughts regarding way too much out-of-context stuff from “Emotion” and the one big confirmation of Félix’ indeed BEING an abuse victim from leaks which I will only incorrperate as vague concept since tbh I dont remember details and I’m not seeking it out for this.

Aright? Let’s go!

Where is all this stuff about Félix’ father coming from? Are those from even more leaks? From what I have seen in leaks of Félix saying something about the parenting he received I too got my confirmation that Félix’ father was abusive, but where is this coming from that Colt Fathom was alot WORSE than Gabriel?

In my opinion, that directly contradicts Félix’ attitude in “Emotion”. Who knows what exactly happened before that episode, though at the very least Félix most likely knows now that Adrien is Chat Noir and thats what made such a massive difference in him:

Also there was this out-of-nowhere second carmoflaged Black Cat-like ring Félix used as amok object that looked exactly like Adrien’s, although we see later that Adrien is still wearing his? That element of the episode was ridiculously out of context, but Félix’ knowing now that Adrien is Chat Noir makes its existence and the episode overall make alot more sense in my opinion.

Its basically the only way I can properly explain anything Félix-related that happened in “Emotion”, down to his behavior when he mentioned Chat Noir towards Ladybug:

Or the way Argos straight up refused to try and take Ladybug’s Miraculous away from her by his own force. He only asked/ threatened her to surrender her earrings to him but he never went further than that. In fact, her calmly stating that she would never give him her Miraculous was what set Félix over the edge in frustration, because he knew thats IT now. Taking it from her forcefully would mean she would speak up against him when he brings Adrien back (to get the Black Cat miraculous and because Félix WANTS him by his side on good terms), but he cant snap the girl behind the mask away either or else Adrien would see him as nothing but a villain if Félix only has her earrings but SHE is gone.

If Ladybug doesnt surrender her Miraculous and remains there to ensure with her words that Adrien too should give Félix his miraculous, where at that point Félix has the chance of explaining his plan to his cousin that noone is gone for real and he just wants to create a better world for them- which in Félix’ mind lead to a scenario in which he’s not the bad guy. Look, the boy knows he, Adrien and Kagami belong to a race of enslaved magical beings and are at the mercy of tyrannical abusers (Dude, what a sentence!). I’m not expecting rationality from Félix Fathom at this point. He was still 100% the bad guy in this, but I get it.

Also Fuck u Gloob, how dare YOU leave me without actual context for this shit?? xD)

But even without that... explanation-theory of mine, in episode 18 all I can see is Félix acting on SO MUCH god damn guilt towards Adrien and trying to free him from Gabriel. He literally states he tried to succeed in this episode for ADRIEN:

Then regarding Colt Fathom’s parenting again: when Félix confronts Gabriel about how Gabriel uses them, his family, he does not treat his uncle as a lesser monster than the one Félix (may have? Idk?) known as a father:

Félix went to the upmost extreme methods to get rid of Gabriel in this episode. He sees his uncle as nothing short of a tyrannical monster that needs to get taken out with a literal SNAP so Gabriel has no opportunity to stop him and be remade with a reality changing wish.

But most importantly, when Félix called Gabriel out he named ADRIEN first:

This was NOT Félix only doing it for himself and those are also not the actions and words of a person who views Gabriel as LESS of a dangerous tyrant bc of his own father. No matter how bad Colt Fathom was, Félix is not underestimating his uncle as the madman that he is. At least not ANYMORE!

Not in a single second of “Emotion” do I get the impression that Félix has NOT finally understood in what horrible position Adrien is caught in in Gabriel’s grasp (more on this regard for the Diamond Ball in an upcoming post I’ll link HERE). Which, yes, Félix too partly caused through the s4 finale. This is most likely why he goes to such insane lenghts to try to save Adrien.

Félix feels fucking GUILTY now in hindsight for having sold the one amok ring of his cousin he already had safe and sound in his possession back to Gabriel, along with 15 more miraculous’ to make him even MORE dangerous:

Which btw, GOOD!!! He should!

Anyway. While I dont understand where these takes about how much worse Colt Fathom was to Félix than Gabriel to Adrien come from, that claim does seems to be very accurate though to Félix’ point of view of Adrien’s abuse BEFORE season 5. Hence why he was being so god damn awful to his cousin and SOLD HIM TO HIS ABUSER!

The way I see it right now, Colt Fathom was abusive on Gabriel Agreste’s level but he did it in ways more open and “obvious”.

Gabriel is an extremely abusive father, but the worst thing about him has always been that he abuses Adrien in a way for which people cannot easily get him for it. Sure, there has always been ALOT to worry about under the circumstances after Emilie “died” but Gabriel Agreste has always made sure whatever he does to his son he remains untouchable enough from a normal legal perspective.

I’m not sure if child protection services could ever have actually helped Adrien even if they tried, because while Gabriel has been stretching all lines of possible slack problematic parents are being given - because the child cant nor SHOULD immediately be taken away from their parent if not truly necessary - Gabriel has never made.. that ONE slip-up too much and too out-of-line that could set Adrien free from him.

And in my opinion, thats what the show is going for because thats what Félix realized at some point prior to episode 18 about Gabriel’s treatment of Adrien and Adrien’s own behavior towards his father, for which Félix gave him massive shit for just last season:

Félix made a full-blown 180 regarding Adrien, thats the only way I can explain it.

Its GUILT. Guilt and the desperate attempt to save his cousin from the horrible consequences Félix had a HUGE part in unleashing and to be able to somehow manage to somewhat save the strong and basically brother-like bond he and Adrien once had as cousins.

And I dont care what anyone says, its by far the one bond Adrien has with anyone besides Plagg in which he’s literally 100% his authentic self and not any degree of Adrien Agreste™ or Chat Noir™. Seriously, if you wanna see Adrien behaving like nothing but a normal boy, watch him interact with his cousin who’s basically his BROTHER.

And it doesnt even matter how much of a damn dick Félix became, in any interaction these two had in the show you could easily SEE how close these two were/are from Adrien’s behavior. Which btw, makes Félix actions before s5 alot worse, but thats the point. This is WHY he goes as far as he does in “Emotion”. Because they once HAD such an incredibly close bond as Adrien’s “naively trusting” behavior towards him always claimed.

The bond which FÉLIX comitted to burn into the ground in s3-s4:

Guilt I can only explain in the same only way I can possibly explain Félix throwing Adrien under the bus as awfully as he did til s5, and in particular the s4 finale:

I can only explain it if Félix all his life had received the other - but in this case pretty much equal - side of the spectrum of abusive parenthood and Adrien’s abuse simply looked so different and way more ”subtle” and “acceptable by society’s standarts” from what Félix’ knew as highly abusive (when he finally gained freedom through getting his ring, probably at his father’s funeral hence why Adrien wasnt allowed to be there. It’s where Félix has told he’s a Sentihuman) that he didnt recognize it as such and therefore ended up hardcore victim-blaming his cousin because he has it “so much better” under Gabriel’s fist but “still cant take initiative like Félix does”.

Félix at the end of “Strike Back” in my opinion truly thought that even though his uncle is a delusional, tyrannical man, Adrien would be the ONLY person safe ENOUGH with him and from him (I know this sounds like a hypocritical cop-out, but Félix is literally in the ONE family position as Adrien’s close and only cousin, who’s also the only other child in their families but always also lived far away enough to not be around to wittness most of Adrien’s and Gabriel’s father-son dynamic behind closed doors [especially in the last, and most crucial year], that I simply have to say that.. this is so god. damn. realistic. This is a way too realistic variation of how the once close children in abusive families end up as bitter rivals throwing each other under the bus within their own absive family system.)

Félix thought that Adrien is as per usual the ONE exception for Gabriel in EVERYTHING, so giving Papa Agreste the control object and 15 more miraculous’ he can fry his brain away with simply... wouldnt have meant endangering Adrien’s entire life in Félix’ eyes.

Which WE know is the WRONG damn reading of the situation!

But for Félix Adrien was his uncle’s one weakness “out of fatherly love” Félix most likely never knew himself, because Gabriel put/s ALOT of effort into keeping his son in the dark (”overprotectiveness”) which lead Félix to even blantantly using Adrien against GABRIEL bc he knew that threatening to tell Adrien would be the most effective way to make his uncle instantly stop denying that he’s Shadowmoth:

(Also, notice how in the upper picture when Gabriel is denying that he’s Shadowmoth, Flairmidable is shot from the ONE - the ONE - possible angle from where his character model looks similar to Chat Noir.

With whatever tons of context we are apparently missing from prior to “Emotion” regarding this entire Agreste, Graham de Vanily/ Fathom and Tsurugi mess, this visual forshadowing in “Strike Back” is in SOME WAY apparently about to become relevant now. Most likely through Nathalie but eyyyyyy, its not like we have any kind of DAMN context! <3 :D)

I already long assumed Félix’ awful but NEW behavior towards Adrien since his father’s funeral to be the result of Félix despising Adrien bc Gabriel burdened his nephew with the knowledge of being Sentihuman in the worst way and at the worst time possible while “overprotecting” Adrien. But now with “Emotion” it seemed I read it mostly right.

The way I see it, Félix did the one thing unnervingly not even uncommon in abusive families: He couldnt recognize his cousin’s extreme abuse because he was too blinded by his own that looked different, while simultaneously comparing Gabriel’s life-long treatment of him and Adrien.

And since Gabriel has probably always treated him unfairly and “worse” than Adrien in Félix’ eyes (which was probably primarily more arrogant indifference from Gabriel’s side while treating Adrien as a golden boy) Félix then most likely thought that HE was the one truly in danger of Gabriel because he isnt Adrien, when Gabriel in actuality probably wouldnt have paid his nephew alot of mind at all and would have had included him automatically in the new reality for Adrien’s sake if - ironically - Félix’ hadnt involved himself and made himself a thorn in Gabriel’s side by now out of (UNDERSTANDABLE) fear and paranoia.

So yeah, still: Fuck Gabriel.

But back to Félix’ possible abuse from his father and how that blinded him to Adrien’s:

(No, I’m not forgetting Amelie and EMILIE, this is just getting WAY too much for this one post. The three mother figures of this family (Emilie, Amelie and Nathalie) are the crucial puzzle pieces in the Agreste’s & Graham de Vanily’s narrative. I’m gonna tackle that in posts dedicated to them specifically)

If Félix for example was more physically abused with open disdain from Colt Fathom than emotionally manipulated, used and gaslit out of “love”, then he would have a hard time at first (especially if he’s UNWILLING to see it) to understand or even just recognize to certain degree all the red flags of that what Gabriel is doing to Adrien resultes/d in emotional scars so bad that Adrien was/is pretty much suicidal at times and spend most of the show stuck in his mental and emotional escapism as Chat Noir (Still, I’m also pretty sure Félix SHOULD have been the ONE person who SHOULD have recognized the resemblance between Adrien Agreste and Chat Noir, the same way Félix was able to recognize Gabriel as Shadowmoth. But ironically, for that he was too blinded by his victim-blaming of Shadowmoths SON)

And if Félix only has ONE amok object and that means whoever wore it (his father) has 100% control over him, then he could (have) significantly underestimate(d) how BAD the emotional toll on Adrien would have been all his life when he always had TWO objects and that - I must assume - resulted in two 50/50 control holds over him:

(Disclaimer at this point: The show is very consistently exploring 3 unique ways for Adrien, Félix and Kagami in how the same peacock amok control resulted in very individual abuse situations for each of them. The amok abuse is not inconsistend or poorly explained, it was never meant to be a 1 for 3 explaination the same way you cant generalize ONE case of parental abuse for ALL existing abused kids. The show is treating this as legit child abuse the way it should. And yes, I will elaborate on all of that in ALOT more detail in future.)

Meaning only Adrien’s action and emotional compliance can be controlled but not his emotions themselves, which I see no reason to not be the default for Sentihuman who only have one object. Meaning for example, that if Colt Fathom didnt wanted Félix to care about any kind of bond with another person his age but his cousin, then Félix simply would have never felt the desire to have friends and therefore also never learnt how to handle the emotional pain of not getting to have them as Adrien was “allowed to”. Adrien didnt get to have friends either, but I suppose unless you wear BOTH his rings no order about forbidding him to have friends would have stopped him from still feeling the longing to have them anyway.

So Adrien’s sounds “better enough” on surface level - which is all Félix would have seen - but its actually massively fucked up bc the clash between Adrien’s natural emotions and the actions his body and mind are forced to obey would quickly beat a young childs mind into misery and helpless fawning on their own expense just to mentally survive that constant invasion of their mind by TWO sources they cant explain to themselves.

Adrien may have been “allowed” to still have emotions but his living conditions would have quickly turned that into emotional agony because Adrien would still be forced to burry everything deep inside that clashes with his parents orders, or whenever he thinks that his behavior or voiced desires would lead to him being shut down again. Its a malicious circle that pretty much accurately represents the normal cycle of emotional oppression within “regular” emotional child abuse.

Not that being 100% controlled physically and emotionally bc of having just ONE amok is in any way “better” (Holy shit, nah!, and I’ll get to Félix’ and Kagami’s abuse in their own posts), but I cant imagine having TWO the way Adrien does as anything short of mental and emotional oppression & exhaution at best - since Adrien ever since infanthood would always have to FEEL the pain of his orders directly going against something that would make him happy/ one of his basic needs and yet he has to submit to it anyway - or basically torment at worst.

Cause can you imagine if Gabriel’s and Nathalie’s contradicting orders in “Protection” would CLASH in the same moment?? GOSH!!!

This pretty much emotionally ripped Adrien back and forth between the two wearers of his amok rings the ENTIRE TIME ever since BIRTH, which would perfectly explain why Adrien is so emotionally repressed, resilient to impossible levels and instandly tends/tended to remain in denial and fawn or submit as copying mechanism. That would have been the only way he could have mentally survived TWO PEOPLE controlling him at once against his own emotions ever since he was a BABY.

I’d say its a reality check on THIS caliber that made Félix pull a 180 regarding his attitude towards Adrien - again, most likely through Nathalie (who I think would be the most logical person for Adrien now to choose to tell his secret Identity to if he needs help in managing to keep his secret save from his father) and SHE would get Félix involved because he’s aware of Gabriel, has the peacock miraculous and KNOWS what pain Sentihumans go through. But honestly, anything in this direction is guessing into pitch darkness lol.

I have so, SO much more to say on how the control of Sentihumans works but especially Adrien’s unique case of him having TWO objects. I’ve been analysing the Agreste houshold in this regard since around the beginning of s4, but that definitely deserves its own massive post(s) the same way Kagami’s abuse via amok ring (which she got to wear ever since AFTER her debut episode “Riposte”) deserves it own post seperated from Félix’ and this one here.

This is getting SO interesting, I’m LIVING for this scale of fucked up story telling! I just wished we would get it in the right chronological order so I can look at it with all the NEEDED context, Gloob, come ON!

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