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mistiskie · 11 months

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❝ O jeito que vivenciamos memórias, às vezes, não é linear. Não contamos a história nós mesmos, já conhecemos a história, apenas estamos a vendo em flashes sobrepostos. ❞

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Avisos: essa é uma shortfic inspirada no álbum chamado "blond" do cantor e compositor Frank Ocean, recomendo escutar as músicas citadas aqui conforme for passando os quatros atos. Fanfic predominantemente angst, no entanto também tem alguns resquícios de smut. Trabalhei muito nisso daqui e fiz com todo meu coração porque Blond é meu álbum preferido, espero que gostem e tenham uma boa leitura.

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4 atos até o declínio.

1. nights.

2. close to you.

3. siegfried.

4. selfcontrol.

⠀────── 𝒃.

Nights — 01.

Bebe mais do vinho, acordado novamente durante a madrugada, fazia mais de um mês que havia trocado a noite pelo dia e de como parecia estar entrando em um loop, porque a noite o abraça 'alto enquanto o dia beija seu rosto com ressaca e fechando os olhos tudo volta a se repetir, não parece ter um fim. A princípio Jaehyun reconhecia que não era para estar nessa situação, foi pacífico, tranquilo e apesar de ver as lágrimas mais verdadeiras que um dia viu saírem dos olhos brilhantes dela, ainda conseguiu manter-se firme no fim, no término.

Mas era impossível negar o quanto a presença feminina era cômoda em sua vida. Vivia as mesmas coisas que ela, quando chorava sabia que ela estaria lá para consolá-lo, quando ele fazia o jantar era ela quem estaria ali para saborear, quando ela chegava animada para conversar, ele sabia que era sobre o álbum favorito dos dois e Jaehyun sempre esteve disposto para ouví-la, quando ele chegava em casa banhado na luxúria era apenas ela quem recebia de bom grado e quando ela trazia purpurina era ele a companhia perfeita.

Perde o foco da agulha riscando o vinil, este que rodava sem parar no toca disco. Jaehyun bebeu mais do vinho, encara o celular, pensa bastante sobre o que cogitou fazer naquele momento, mas não faz, afasta a ideia, é orgulhoso, fora que foi ela que havia colocado um ponto final e só aceitou porque não fazia diferença, se sentia uma péssima pessoa em admitir que carregou todo aquele relacionamento por interesse.

Não o culpe, tudo era cômodo demais, foi inevitável.

── Acordado de novo? ── Não respondeu Johnny, o encarou impaciente, como se não fosse óbvio.

── Não, 'tô sonâmbulo. ── Johnny ri soprado, pega a taça de vinho e se senta junto a Jaehyun enchendo o copo com a bebida alcoólica.

── Qual é cara, tu disse que não tava sofrendo. ──

── E eu não 'tô, deve ser alguma coisa sobre beber vinho demais ou qualquer merda, não sei. ── Reclama baixinho.

── Conta outra, nunca te vi assim em outros términos. Admite, ela mexeu contigo. ── Mexeu? O aperto no peito toda vez que lembrava dela se enquadra em alguma coisa ou só é o peso de ter sido potencialmente alguém ruim pra ela?

── Foi ela quem acabou. Você sabe o motivo de eu ter aceitado isso, não me enche.

Para Johnny já era mais que claro, entortou a cabeça descrente, sabia que Jaehyun era orgulhoso e uma das piores pessoas para expressar e entender sentimentos, negligenciando até o próprio, mas não esperava que essa percepção limitada fosse capaz de não fazê-lo perceber o óbvio em meio a toda aquela situação.

── 'Tá com medo isso sim. Medo que ela tenha percebido que você foi egoísta durante todo o relacionamento e ter acabado por conta da sua negligência. ── Johnny bebe o resto do vinho e se levanta para deixar a sala de estar. ── Vou ser sincero com você, porque nenhum outro amigo teu é, Jaehyun. Pare de negligenciar sentimentos, seja o seu ou o dela. Não sou sommelier de relacionamentos, você sabe, mas sua ganância, comodismo, egoísmo e qualquer palavra que seja capaz de definir sua intenção com esse relacionamento foi o motivo de ter acabado. 'Cê tá sofrendo e não quer admitir porque teu orgulho ainda vai ser o motivo da tua morte. Kendrick fala.

Procura conforto nas batidinhas que sente no ombro, não o acha. Johnny deixa Jaehyun sozinho novamente, o obrigando a pensar sobre, nocauteado com as palavras e verdades na qual não queria encarar, não agora. Ele de fato não esperava por aquilo.

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"Então, o Daniel Caesar fez Freudian no intuito de confundir quem escuta, acredita? Porque 'cê não vai conseguir distinguir em algumas músicas se ele fala sobre o relacionamento tóxico dele com a mãe ou com a namorada. " Profere empolgada, assim que a música do álbum termina.

"Por isso que o nome do álbum leva o nome de Freud? Pra explicar como o relacionamento familiar afeta no relacionamento romântico?" Concorda engatinhando de volta para os braços de Jaehyun.

"Incrível" Ambos dizem ao mesmo tempo e caem na gargalhada logo em seguida.

Jaehyun achava sensacionalista demais todo o assunto envolta do álbum, família e relacionamento, ambos tóxicos, para ele era uma certeza absoluta que conseguia separar essas duas coisas, no entanto se interessava em como a menina conseguia explicar de forma tão eloquente um assunto na qual amava. Música e a genialidade por trás dessa arte era seu maior domínio, o mínimo que ele poderia fazer era escutar, potencialmente deslumbrado.

"Acha esse papo real? Do álbum e Freud."

"Claro, sua versão criança diz muito sobre isso. Às vezes é tão normal para ti que 'cê nem consegue perceber, Daniel fala do quão destrutivo pode ser para as duas pessoas no relacionamento. Muito apego ou pouco apego, falta de afeição ou a não percepção dela, tudo." Jeong pensa, cercado com possibilidades e incertezas acerca daquele assunto.

"E quem sai machucado no final?" Pergunta.

"Os dois sofrem, apenas um demora para perceber e talvez acabe sofrendo mais por isso… é um assunto delicado, não acha?" Responde reflexiva.

"Uhum, acho."

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── Diz, diz que sente minha falta…── Retém o gemido, ofega tanto que a frase falha mas ainda se mantém firme, perto o suficiente de sua orelha.

── Ah Jae… sinto muita falta… ── Admite, boba, com lágrimas nos olhos, perdida em seus próprios pensamentos e entorpecida na ritimagem perfeita que o pau tinha em meter fundo em sua bunda enquanto a mão grande massageava a buceta.

É judiada pra valer, vindo de Jaehyun naquele momento até gosta, a mão firme apertando o pescoço, os olhos castanhos encarando os seus de volta, via um misto de sentimentos com predominância no prazer, mas ainda sim ele era uma incógnita.

Maneja o corpo da forma como o agradava, sem parar os estímulos, apenas queria te ter de quatro, a ideia de poder observar o pau entrando e saindo por trás dela com perfeição e estímulo máximo infla o ego e aumentava o tesão existente naquele quarto. Agarra a pele da bunda feminina com urgência indo cada vez mais fundo. Por pouco seu corpinho permanecia equilibrado, gemia manhosa, deixa cada súplica escapar da boca sem ligar muito, sabia que Jaehyun gostava de ouví-la quando ficava burra por um caralho, especialmente o dele.

A porra do Jeong é despejada em todo o canal, é quase como uma carga elétrica, arrepia todos os pelos possíveis do corpo, não tem outra opção, goza logo depois, com as pernas tremendo, relaxa sob os lençóis gelados ainda aproveitando a sensação.

Ele a observa, em uma situação parecida, entorpecido com sua beleza, saberia expressar aquilo? Desvia o olhar, deita do seu lado sem falar uma palavra, não restava dúvidas, era diferente agora. O peito pesava, sua mãe sempre disse "O coração vai ser um fardo pesado" e passando tempos sem entender aquela frase, agora conseguia.

── Você sentiu minha falta também? ── Pergunta baixinho, esperando por uma resposta.

Jaehyun ficou em silêncio, a garganta secou e novamente se sentiu confuso.

── Fala sério. Bateu na minha porta às duas da manhã, me beijou antes de falar qualquer coisa e não sente minha falta?! ── O encara indignada, com a mente bagunçada.

── Eu… ── Suspira derrotado. ── Não sei.

── Por que quando se trata de mim, de nós, tu nunca sabe de nada? ── Caça a camisa do pijama que usava antes, a fim de vesti-la.

── Quer saber o por quê? ──

A sensação de prepotência, de mais uma vez não falar o que passa em sua mente o irrita.

── Claro que quero! É o mínimo depois que cê come alguém. ── Dispara igualmente irritada.

── Interesse, porra! Foi por interesse, comodismo. ──

── Ahn…?

── Ter você era cômodo pra mim! não entendeu? Eu não precisava de muita coisa, nem explicar muita coisa, nunca precisei. Você preenchia um espaço que eu era carente e por isso continuei… ── expele o ar, com os sentimentos a mil. ── continuei até aqui, porque eu precisava saber se tu sabia disso, se tinha acabado por esse motivo, eu tava com a consciência pesada.

Ela não disse nada, encarou Jaehyun com um desespero oculto, torcendo para que aquilo não fosse verdade, no entanto, pela primeira vez em todos os dias de relacionamentos que dividiram, ele falava a verdade. Talvez esse fosse o momento mais verdadeiro que presenciou junto a Jaehyun.

Os olhos que o admiravam choravam pela segunda vez, como uma menininha.

── Não sabia, terminei porque você nunca pareceu se preocupar comigo de verdade, sempre parecendo supérfluo. ── funga despedaçada, repudia está próximo dele, como também repudia a si mesma. ── Nunca percebeu que eu dediquei minhas melhores músicas para você? E o que tu me dava em troca? Um obrigado, era sempre assim. Não sirvo pra aguentar a ausência, agora eu entendo.

Jaehyun se cala, apesar da tristeza que pouco a pouco surgia dentro dele, não se sente arrependido, devia aquela explicação, aquele desabafo, sabia que machucaria, mas acreditava num machucado maior caso a menina descobrisse mais a frente. Incontestado com o momento, o que poderia fazer?

── Agora sua consciência deve tá limpa, né? Cê descobriu que eu acabei porque fui trouxa e pensava que você não gostava mais de mim, mal sabia que tu nunca gostou. ── Enxuga as lágrimas ainda insistentes em cair, caminha até a porta apenas para abri-la. ── Vai embora, a parte da sua carência já deve ter sido preenchida.

── Me entenda, por favor.

── Me entenda você, Jaehyun. Vá logo embora!

𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 — 02.

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"Minha mãe uma vez me disse como eu deveria me portar em sociedade." Jaehyun coloca os fios castanhos atrás da orelha de volta, encarando o rosto feminino parcialmente sonolenta que se esforçava para manter-se acordada. "Sempre bem polido, de postura soberba, ignorar definitivamente aqueles que não fossem capazes de me proporcionar algo e sobretudo ser indecifrável, a fraqueza está nos sentimentos."

De forma inconsciente Jeong entendia que havia canalizado o aprendizado forçado para dentro de si próprio.

"E você gostava de viver assim?"

"Nunca gostei."

"Então, seja você mesmo. Não seja o que os outros querem. Cê consegue ser mais lindo quando tá sendo você." Sorri por tão pouco tempo que você não consegue perceber.

"E quando eu tô sendo eu?" Sussurra calmo.

"Agora. Contando sobre sua vida."

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Roda a chave do carro entre os dedos, ignora qualquer aviso que Johnny tenha que dar justo naquele momento quando estava saindo, Jaehyun sabia que era para o seu bem, muitas coisas eram ditas para o seu bem, mas agora ele não queria ouvir nenhuma, ainda estava com raiva, inconformado e cheio de mágoas, dar conselhos por mais sábio que fossem naquele momento não era adequado. O destino no momento era o mais longe possível, curiosamente havia sido convidado para um encontro de amigos, se fosse um dia habitual como os outros ele negaria sem pensar duas vezes, por isso Taeyong ficou surpreso quando Jeong aceitou de imediato.

Afinal, Jaehyun tinha motivo para recusar agora? Talvez conversar com outros amigos fosse o fazer bem e se parasse para pensar, tinha tempos que não sentava na areia morna da praia e observava o mar, precisava daquilo. Fez isso da última vez acompanhado, por um momento as lembranças trouxeram um vislumbre daquele dia.

Passou a sexta-feira toda lá, depois de matar algumas aulas na faculdade, não precisava de muita companhia, apenas a dela já era ótima para Jaehyun. Lembrou de ter a elogiado pela primeira vez, muito provavelmente, porque havia ficado perfeita no biquíni e o ar praiano combinava tanto com ela, a alegria que as ondas transmitia podia ser vista facilmente no rosto feminino, na forma como corria pela areia, puxando ele pelo braço, a voz sempre melodiosa o chamando era tão gostosa de ouvir, "Vem amor… a água tá geladinha!" Como uma sereia e Jaehyun ia sem reclamar, deixava ser guiado enquanto fazia questão de capturar tudo para lembrar depois. No final, lembrou de ter ficado até o escurecer, beijou ela na água do mar, ouviu o primeiro eu te amo desde que nasceu e observaram as estrelas. Estava realmente lembrando depois.

── Cê veio! Quanto tempo mano. ── O abraçou de lado, Taeyong precisou falar um pouco mais alto por conta da música. ── Deve ter ficado ocupado por esses tempos.

── Fiquei, muita coisa aconteceu, ainda bem que tamo se vendo de novo. ── Senta de frente para a fogueira.

── Tá sendo de boa morar em Compton? Se mudar pra lá deve ter sido uma barra. ── Franzi o cenho discordando.

── Compton por incrível que pareça é tranquilo, tem coisas legais por lá. ── Pega um copo de plástico para colocar o máximo de álcool que o corpo suporta, bebendo um pouco. ── Continua a mesma coisa por aqui em Santa Mônica?

── Uhum, não tem nada de novo nessa merda. ── Ri e bebe junto com Taeyong.

Escutava a fogueira crepitar, dividia a atenção com as chamas e o mar escuro, vez ou outra enchia mais o copo até chegar ao ponto de se sentir tonto, o que era uma surpresa porque ele sempre foi resistente demais com bebidas.

O que estava fazendo ali?

Não era ali que queria estar.

── O Rapunzel reapareceu por essas bandas!

── Não vai encher o saco dele Yuta, parece que ele tá de coração partido. ── Taeyong brincou depois de saber toda a história ou uma pequena parte dela.

── Ih… Cê não veio aqui pra ficar desse jeito. ── O japonês se senta do lado de Jaehyun, passa os braços pelos ombros e oferece um cigarro bem boladinho. ── Toma, um desse daqui e você esquece essa mina. Dou cinco minutos!

Pondera, olha para o beck, depois para Taeyong que sorria divertido e por fim para o mar.

── Já fumei muito dessa, não vai bater legal.

Yuta nega, pegando o isqueiro.

── Não bestão, você fumou as de Compton, essa daqui é de Santa Mônica! Você vai ver como é diferente, vai por mim.

É convencido pelo papinho de mercador, assim que o cigarro é acendido Yuta oferece novamente, Jaehyun é o primeiro da roda a usufruir, da três tragadas e passa para o Nakamoto, tosse um pouco, não era inexperiente, apenas havia parado de usar, ficou desacostumado muito rápido.

── Cê vai adorar essa, daqui a pouco já bate. ── Decide confiar nas palavras de Taeyong, volta a encarar o fogo em sua frente esperando pela sensação.

"Já te disse pra parar de usar isso. A gente combinou. Do que você foge, amor?"

Olha para o lado assustado, não vê ninguém, de repente a voz não está mais do lado e sim ali no fogo, consegue ver perfeitamente o rostinho admirável, o sorriso, corpo, tudo. Jaehyun fecha os olhos, deixa um sorriso escapar mas aquilo estava mais pra descrença do que alívio ou alegria. Quando pararia de vê-la em tudo? Quando pararia de sentir falta? E aquele sentimento era saudades ou mais uma vez o ego e interesse próprio agindo?

"Não se aproxime de pessoas que não vão te oferecer nada de bom, seja interesseiro, o mundo é assim com todos, garoto."

── Te falei! Olha só como você tá alto já. ── A voz de Yuta sai distorcida e até engraçada para o momento.

── Bateu mesmo, cara?

Concorda rindo, aquela merda era diferente mesmo, não era mentira.

── Que merda, Yuta! Essa porra não é só maconha. ── É chacoalhado pelo Japonês que ria junto, não tão submerso porque com certeza já era acostumado com a erva ou qualquer besteira que aquilo fosse.

A partir dali tudo se torna um borrão pouco definido, ainda continua olhando para o mar, mesmo dançando junto com a música, fumando mais e misturando tudo com álcool. Como sempre o vazio que sentia fora preenchido e estava tudo bem até ali, não precisava se preocupar mais ou sentir aquele aperto no peito desde a primeira semana do fim, também não precisava se preocupar com o que a mãe acharia daquilo ou de sua vida, ela não estava lá para ver o filho único prodígio decair a cada minuto. Era um nirvana e Jaehyun podia jurar ser Buda.

── Agora, pra experiência ficar completa, eu quero te apresentar a Anya, ela tá disposta a te fazer esquecer de vez essa sua ex mina lá. ── Cambaleando Yuta trás uma garota consigo, também no mesmo estado que todos ali.

O Jeong a encara, duvidoso sobre a ideia, sobre a menina, era até bonita, parecia com ela, parecia tanto que ele estava começando a suspeitar que haviam trocado de rosto, mas não, ela se vestia mal e a menina que dominava seu coração não misturaria jeans colorido com jaqueta de couro.

"Cê vai me procurar em outros rostos, mas não vai me encontrar, nunca vou ser igual a elas, te marquei de forma diferente, Jae."

Desmancha o sorriso, ultrapassaram a barra, talvez demais. Era óbvio que ele estava chapado o suficiente para esquecer o próprio nome, as chaves do carro ou qualquer outra coisa, entretanto, tudo havia sido tão recente, se Jaehyun se esforçasse ainda conseguia sentir o calor da pele cheirosinha sob a dele e caso aceitasse Anya, estaria a usando, já havia usado pessoas demais.

Yuta entende o recado, dispensa a menina e deixa o amigo sozinho, mentalmente o chamando de cabaço, de qualquer forma, que seja, era a vida dele.

Os pés parecem pesados, Jaehyun não consegue ficar em pé por muito tempo, volta a se sentar perto da fogueira, expira sufocado, olha de novo a fogueira, sente conforto ali por breves segundos. Do outro lado, meio translúcido podia ver a silhueta feminina familiar e levantando um pouco o rosto via que ela o encarava de volta. Ah que merda, não conseguia fugir.

Não era real, nada do que via era real.

Se contentou com o efeito da droga, abraçando a ilusão de tê-la tão perto, Jaehyun não falou nada por muito tempo, estava ocupado demais encarando e encarando, preso em um loop. Talvez, o que queria não estava ali no meio e sim em outro lugar.

── Taeyong, acho melhor cê ajudar esse seu amigo, o cara tá parecendo uma estátua, talvez não seja mais legal continuar aqui. ── O Lee concorda, a primeira vez fumando aquilo nem sempre é uma experiência boa.

── Vou levar ele pra casa. Diz pro Yuta que não tenho hora pra voltar. ──

Os braços de Taeyong seguram Jaehyun forçando-o a se levantar dali.

── Não consigo cara, a minha bunda tá colada na areia. ── O Lee acha engraçado, mas levantar Jaehyun dali com certeza não foi uma tarefa fácil.

── Vou te levar pra casa, cê mora com um tal de Johnny, né? Me dá seu celular, deixa eu ligar pra ele. ── Jeong não pensa muito, tira o iPhone do bolso e entrega para o amigo enquanto andavam até o estacionamento.

Por coincidência vê duas chamadas perdidas de Johnny na barra de notificação, Taeyong pensou que precisaria pedir a senha e se estressar sabendo que Jaehyun com certeza não saberia dizer nada racional no momento, para sua surpresa o celular não tinha senha, deslizou o dedo para cima e já havia desbloqueado. Sorri com pena, observa a foto que o amigo tinha escolhido como tela inicial, era uma sua dormindo e abrindo a galeria, curiosos do jeito que era, encontrou mais fotos em uma pasta na qual carregava o apelidinho de godness, ali tinha mais fotos da suposta garota do que do próprio Jaehyun em todo o celular, parou para encará-lo, havia acabado para ele mesmo?

"Jaehyun, fui dormir. A porta tá trancada mas cê tem a chave. Se algum dos seus amigos irresponsáveis for te trazer de volta, o endereço do apartamento fica dentro de algum compartimento do teu carro, se vira idiota, eu avisei"

𝘀𝗲𝗶𝗴𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗱 — 03.

Pra conseguir entrar no apartamento a chave é derrubada várias vezes até finalmente abrir a porta, com passadas incertas vai até o próprio quarto e entra no banheiro, precisa de um banho. Havia perdido a noção das horas a partir do momento que cochilou e já acordou no estacionamento do residencial, agradeceu a Taeyong e até disse que o compensaria outro dia, permanecia feliz, até entrar no elevador e caminhar para o apartamento. Sentia novamente o peito pesar e a respiração ficar densa, suava frio também e se sentia sufocado com aquele tanto de roupa, ainda bem que conseguiu entrar a tempo.

"Pensa direito Jaehyun, talvez você esteja perdendo alguém que ama de verdade por situações do passado que te atormentam."

"Só não deixa de ser feliz por conta dela, você merece."

Afunda o corpo na água, pensando nas palavras ditas, a sensação gelada pouco a pouco traz sobriedade, tirando o efeito de tudo que usou o mais rápido possível. Abraça os próprios joelhos, talvez estejam certos, de Daniel Caesar sobre seu relacionamento podre com a mãe, até Taeyong o aconselhando depois de tanto tempo. Passou mais que a metade da vida sendo o que sua mãe totalmente autoritária e narcisista queria que fosse e acabou canalizando tudo para si mesmo, agia por interesse com os outros, não demonstrava sentimentos com medo de ser fraco, os bloqueava e negligenciava outras pessoas, isso tudo porque a própria progenitora havia o ensinado, o obrigado para ser mais verdadeiro.

E agora toda aquela merda guardada dentro de si misturada com os sentimentos após término, a culpa de ter acabado tudo e os resquícios de drogas em sua mente estavam prestes a sair como uma bomba, explodindo tudo de vez.

Ama, ama de verdade você, te venera secretamente como uma deusa, vive para ser o motivo do seu sorriso mais bonito. Era verdade que começou tudo por interesse sim, mas aprendeu a te amar, sentia o amor e friozinho na barriga aumentar cada vez que se encontravam pra passar tempos juntos, nem que fosse pra não falar nada e ficar apenas olhando a cara do outro. Foi de você que ouviu o primeiro "eu te amo" ou "cê é tão incrível" , por isso sua presença era algo indispensável para Jaehyun, tinha constância e certeza que era muito amado independente do que fosse e agora que havia perdido tudo, perdido você, nada mais fazia sentido. De repente se viu criança chorando por não ter o que observava em seus coleguinhas e como aquilo o machucava.

A barriga embrulhou e a angústia terrível subia do estômago até a garganta, inclinou a cabeça para fora da banheira e vomitou ali mesmo tudo o que tinha consumido, ficou minutos assim, desesperado sem conseguir parar enquanto tossia igualmente.

── Que barulho é esse Jaehyun, cê tá bem? ── Johnny abre a porta do banheiro, passa segundos entendendo a situação. ── Tu se drogou pra caralho né?

Suspira derrotado quando viu que nem o responder seria possível, sentiu pena, deveria parar de ser tão coração mole daquele jeito.

── Eu te acordei? ── O Jeong pergunta aéreo, entre tosses e respirações aceleradas. ── Sinto muito.. não queria ter feito isso…

── Tá tudo bem, você costuma ser irresponsável assim…

── Sinto muito Johnny… Eu sinto muito, não deveria ter te acordado… merda, sinto muito…

── Eu já entendi Jaehyun, tá tudo bem. ──

Não era sobre ter acordado Johnny.

O mais velho percebeu que Jaehyun não pararia com aquilo e o que parecia impossível tinha acontecido, pela primeira vez pode escutar o soluçar baixinho do amigo até se transformar em um choro embargado de sentimentos presos e outras coisas. Jaehyun chorou como um homem, foi corajoso para expor o que tanto sentia e não tinha coragem de explicar, contradizendo tudo o que sua mãe acreditava, era angustiante vê-lo assim e libertador ao mesmo tempo.

Johnny deixou tudo de lado, reclamações, avisos, desabafos e foi até ele, o abraçou porque via quanto precisava.

── Tá tudo bem cara, a gente limpa isso depois. ──

── Eu amo tanto ela, Johnny. Amo de verdade, como nunca amei ninguém, nem minha mãe. ── Agarra o amigo mais forte, o molhando com as lágrimas. ── Sinto tanto por ter a machucado com minhas palavras, eu fui um cuzão. Pensei que não a amava…

O Seo até pensou em falar, mas temia interromper esse momento de desabafo vindo logo de uma pessoa difícil de expressar seus sentimentos como Jaehyun, por isso se propôs a ficar calado e escutar cada palavra que ele tinha para falar.

── Me sentia incapaz de receber amor, minha mãe nunca me ensinou, nunca mostrou pra mim, eu confundi e não consegui falar nada até agora. ── Johnny permanece calado, lutando contra a vontade de chorar também. ── Eu não quero perder ela… não posso.

── E o que você vai fazer?

── Qualquer coisa, faço qualquer coisa por ela, até se for no escuro. ──

⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀────── 𝒃.

Aceita o copo de bebida que oferecem a ele, a casa que a festa rolava era pequena e somando tantas pessoas num ambiente só deixava tudo claustrofóbico, Jaehyun havia acabado de chegar, mas já queria ir embora. Engoliu aquela vontade, ter novos amigos na faculdade deve servir pra alguma coisa.

Já que não poderá se mudar nem tão cedo de Compton, que pelo menos conheça novas pessoas.

Arruma um espacinho no sofá da sala, observa cada pessoa ali, era bom nisso, tão bom que às vezes poderia deduzir a próxima decisão da pessoa. Antes de ter uma vida independente, com muitas aspas, Jaehyun não podia fazer nada além de observar, dito isso fez dessa situação sua maior especialidade.

Entre todos ali apenas uma se destacava, talvez fosse sim por sua roupa com pedrinhas brilhantes, meio transparente, ousada demais, linda, pelo penteado diferente e a maquiagem criativa, mas não era só por conta disso, vendo você de longe conseguia sentir, de forma estranha, o quanto era parecida com ele. Não era a aparência, nem o jeito como falava com a amiga e se perguntassem o que era, naquele momento, Jaehyun não saberia responder, talvez mais tarde sim. Só que, droga…algo em ti chamava por ele.

Você o encara de volta, sorri toda bonitinha, Jaehyun bebe mais do álcool sem quebrar o contato dos olhos, sorri também, hipnotizado.

"Vem aqui, vem." Consegue ler os seus lábios junto com o gesto das mãos, por que negar aquele convite?

Levanta, caminha espremido pelas pessoas, segue a silhueta feminina, até as escadas e corredor, desacreditado, bobo com a risadinha divertida que saía dos seus lábios tão convidativos, percebe o quanto se diverte com a ideia de está sendo seguida naquele lugar.

"Gostou de me encarar?" Alfineta, já dentro de um quarto.

"Cê ainda pergunta? Eu não teria te seguido aqui por nada."

"Sabe aproveitar as oportunidades, né?" Vai se aproximando de Jaehyun até ficar perto o suficiente.

"Posso aproveitar mais."

"É?"

"É."

A cintura é rodeada, trás pra mais perto, gosta da sensação que o tecido translúcido causa na pele junto com o roçar das pedrinhas brilhantes. Jaehyun encara os seus olhos femininos, desce para a boca e volta a encarar os olhos, tudo isso de propósito, só pra deixar no ar um gostinho de desejo misturado com ansiedade. Beija com vontade, de forma mais gostosa impossível.

Aproveita a pegada maravilhosa, do quanto vai se tornando urgente e já não aguenta mais beijar só a boca, o Jeong desce pro pescoço, morde, marca, beija ali, sente o desejo crescer e o corpo esquentar.

Prende o corpinho feminino na parede, as mãos grandes saem da sua cintura e sobem até os seios, apertam por debaixo do tecido, desliza o polegar no biquinho durinho, você estremece, deixa um gemidinho baixo escapar, soa como música, uma das melhores. Não deixa barato, apesar do estímulo ainda sente forças pra provocar ele também.

É ainda mais ousada, espera Jaehyun vacilar, põe a mão por dentro da calça moletom que ele usava, expondo o cacete úmido, teve que esconder a satisfação de tê-lo assim.

"Caralho…" pausa a fala, vacila no que ia dizer pois a sensação da sua mão macia o punhetando faz perder o raciocínio."cê é perigosa, princesa."

E talvez fosse mesmo, talvez você gostasse de ter aquela pequena sensação de poder, mesmo que depois tudo fosse pro ralo junto com a postura de marrenta. Cruzou caminho com vários, entretanto, por algum motivo ele era diferente.

Desce e sobe mais rápido, sente a respiração ofegante e o hálito de menta de Jaehyun bater contra o seu pescoço, causa arrepios tão bons, aumenta o tesão. Da boca dele é capaz de ouvir mais alguns xingamentos seguido de um gemido rouquinho, sabia que ele estava perto.

Para a masturbação antes que Jaehyun pudesse gozar, leva os dedos até a boca, lambe alguns, limpando o pré gozo dali.

"Nem tão rápido, amorzinho. A gente acabou de se conhecer."

"Qual foi, linda…"

Admitia para si mesmo que sempre estava fugindo de algo, por isso nunca ficava fixo em algum lugar, passou por tantos lugares que até o inferno podia ser considerado como moradia em algum momento da própria vida. Mas, talvez ali, naquele momento, com aquela garota, com você, Jaehyun tivesse encontrado um motivo pra ficar em Compton mais um pouco.

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀────── 𝒃.

⠀

𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙡. — 04.

Jaehyun deixa a melodia do disco vagar por toda a sala de estar, troca o vinil de lado na medida que escuta todas as faixas o quanto achar necessário, nunca tinha parado pra escutar Lauryn Hill antes, mas sabia o quanto você gostava e agora era inegável não lembrar de ti.

Sorri, morrendo de saudades. Desbloqueia o celular, vai até seu perfil no Instagram pela primeira vez depois do término, o peito aperta, controla a felicidade em vê que nada mudou, sente uma pontada de esperança quando vê as fotos de vocês dois no feed, cada uma mais espontânea que a outra, mas era fato, a alegria era presente em todas, como pôde ser tão burro consigo mesmo para não perceber o quanto era feliz? As fotos não mentiam.

Por outro lado, se todas elas não estavam excluídas ou arquivadas e continuavam ali no perfil, significava que você ainda não havia aceitado o fim, não era? Cria coragem, pega no celular e com toda confiança que tinha clica no teu número.

Chamada sendo encaminhada.

"O número que você ligou está fora de área ou desligado"

Tudo bem que é madrugada e qualquer pessoa estaria dormindo agora, mas Jaehyun esperava por sua voz, nem que fosse um pouco.

"Eu sinto, eu sinto muito sua falta, linda."

"Perdão por ter demorado tanto, cê não sabe a falta que me faz te ter longe de mim."

Morde o interior da bochecha, aflito, vê perfeitamente a mensagem sendo visualizada, como também vê os três pontinhos, espera por um retorno, mas não o tem, então Jaehyun decide ligar de novo.

── Cê tá me escutando? ── Diz com urgência, mas tudo o que escuta do outro lado da linha é o barulho da TV e sua respiração por longos segundos.

── Não me machuca de novo, não liga pra mim se você vai me comer, dizer coisas horríveis e ir embora como da última vez, eu sofro com nosso fim e não mereço ser feita de escape. ── O timbre calmo não engana o Jeong, porque ele te conhece e reconhece quando sua voz fica embargada pelo choro.

Jaehyun também choraria.

── Eu também sofro, todos os dias eu sofro sem você comigo, eu tava confuso e fui um merda, mas me deixa te ouvir, deixa eu ir aí e te ver, quero falar com você, princesa. ── A linha fica em silêncio de novo, causando maior ansiedade.

── Não demora.

E não iria, Jaehyun foi rápido como um tornado, saiu de casa tão depressa que por pouco não deixou a porta aberta. Pôde perceber a semelhança com o dia que foi te ver na última vez, angustiante lembrar de como aquele cara era tão diferente do que costumava ser realmente. Agora Jaehyun sentia que seria diferente porque algo nele havia mudado, sido libertado, o importante ali não era a si mesmo como sempre foi convencido de que era e sim você, devia a verdade, os sentimentos sinceros e uma explicação.

── Sobre o que você quer saber? ── Pergunta com o intuito de quebrar o silêncio ali.

── Sobre o que eu quero saber? ── Você repete a frase, irritada com o questionamento. ── Já começa assim, Jaehyun?

── Não, olha. Cê tá entendendo errado. Tenho muito o que falar eu só não sei por onde começar, calma. ── Diz mais para si mesmo, passa a mão pelos fios de cabelo, atordoado.

Ao menos te ver o confortava, talvez na mesma medida que machucasse o coração.

── Eu senti sua falta. ── Admite de uma vez. ── Quando você me perguntou naquele dia e eu não soube responder, eu senti sua falta sim, o tempo todo. Não conseguia dormir direito, vivia bebendo, não tocava no meu celular porque eu sabia que ia ficar horas olhando pra suas fotos e me perguntando o que fiz pra ter acabado, mesmo sabendo o que eu tinha feito pra acabar.

── E por que não me contou, Jaehyun? Quer dizer, por que não me contava nada sobre o que sentia?

── Porque expor o que eu sentia me tornava fraco. ── Pausa a frase, Jaehyun respira fundo. ── Era o que eu pensava. Cresci com uma mãe que me proibia de várias coisas, inclusive de ter sentimentos, ela era horrível comigo, cê não tem noção. Então, o primeiro contato com o amor que eu tive veio de você. confundi o que eu sentia e pensei que era interesse, eu ainda tava preso no que minha mãe queria que eu levasse comigo pra sempre e não percebi de verdade o que ter você como minha namorada significa pra mim.

Ao encarar Jaehyun, percebeu o quanto estava sendo sincero, nunca tinha o visto tão sentimental daquele jeito, o olhando nos olhos via que todos os sentimentos vindo dele já não eram mais uma incógnita. Senta no colo dele e o abraça tão forte, matando uma de várias saudades.

Jaehyun a abraça de volta como um tesouro, chora nos ombros femininos como chorou nos de Johnny, estava aliviado.

Havia quebrado um ciclo.

Passa um tempo o consolando, faz carinho nos cabelos dele intercalando com batidinhas nas costas, não liga muito se o moletom está encharcado, na verdade prefere mil vezes o exagero de sentimentos do que a falta dele.

── Eu te amo, se você me der mais uma chance, prometo que nada vai ser como antes, eu quero te fazer feliz e quero que saiba disso todos os dias, sem mais confusões, machucados, nada. ── Jaehyun volta a falar assim que se acalma com as lágrimas.

── Eu também te amo, Jae. Não te quero mais longe, não é pra mim, não sei lidar com a saudade. ── Ri enxugando o rosto tão bonitinho que ele tinha.

── Vamos com calma, ok? Eu quero fazer do jeito certo agora, você merece isso. ──

Concorda, une os lábios em um beijo tão apaixonado quanto o primeiro que deram.

⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀────── 𝒃.

"Você está equivocado, Jeong Jaehyun. Acha que sem mim você é capaz de viver sozinho? Você precisa de mim." A voz autoritária gritava da forma mais irritante possível.

Ela era possessiva e maluca, não o via como filho, via como propriedade na qual poderia desferir os piores xingamentos e ordens sobre-humana e ele estaria ali para cumpri-las e escutar calado. Crescer e perceber isso vindo de sua própria mãe era algo triste demais para suportar, mesmo assim Jaehyun suportava.

No fundo, viver com ela até o fim da adolescência e o começo da vida adulta tinha uma razão, era inconformado com o fato de não ser amado e adorado como qualquer filho tinha o direito de ser, sofria porque sabia o motivo desse ódio, não tinha culpa se de alguma forma era tão parecido fisicamente com o pai, ex marido de sua mãe.

"Eu já aguentei demais, vivi como um verme na casa que cresci, ninguém merece passar por isso, Mãe. Você é a pessoa mais horrorosa que eu já convivi" Cospe todas as palavras na cara dela enquanto arruma as próprias malas.

O rosto arde com o tapa estralado, fica estático, havia sido agredido diversas vezes, só que no rosto era a primeira vez.

"Desfaça sua mala e volte para o quarto, se me obedecer posso até pensar em um castigo mais brando. Eu sabia que esses seus amigos não seriam boas influência para você."

"Não caralho. Eu não vou desfazer nada, vou embora daqui e nunca mais vou voltar, você merece sofrer com o fardo de não ter sido nada na minha vida além de um empecilho."

Engole o choro, fecha a mala e a carrega para fora de casa, não quer olhar para trás, sabe que irá se arrepender de agir por impulso.

"Boa sorte então. Tudo o que tenho para lhe dizer é que realmente não volte, você não me dá orgulho em nada, nem foi digno de ter meu amor, não fará diferença longe."

Jaehyun precisava ter escutado cada palavra daquela para ter certeza que seu lugar não era ali, às vezes ter uma mãe não é sinônimo de conforto e confiança como esperava que fosse. Ficou ali até o momento porque esperava ser finalmente amado ou respeitado, fazia de tudo por sua mãe porque sabia que sem ela não teria mais ninguém, no entanto, até quando um coração é capaz de aguentar tanta individualidade? Não sabia, mas para o próprio coração, aquele dia já era o máximo.

"Não preciso do seu orgulho, nem do seu amor. Um dia Mãe, um dia eu vou encontrar alguém que sinta tudo o que a senhora se recusou a sentir de mim, vou ser amado sem precisar desmaiar de cansaço. Você verá."

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀────── 𝒃.

── Eu cumpri com o que disse, mãe. Não preciso do seu amor agora e finalmente sou amado, nem tudo é sobre interesse, de uma coisa eu tenho certeza, não quero viver sozinho como você, ter ela em minha vida já é suficiente. ── Jaehyun sussurra solene, observa o mar sem a angústia de antes resolvido consigo mesmo.

── Vai ficar sentado aí ou vem mergulhar logo?!

#nct #pt br #nct 127 #kpop #kpop imagines #nct smut #jung jaehyun #jeong jaehyun #blond #blond frank ocean #frank ocean #angst #short fic

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twilghtkoo · 1 year

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hello, can i request for #63 and #80 for the love foolish series? comfort-slash-fluff with a dash of angst, maybe like reader is the same age as haechan and she's in that headspace again when she feels lacking in personal goals and abilities as compared to haechan, if that makes sense. thank you!

love foolish

pairings. haechan x (f) reader

genre. tiny bit of angst, fluff

warnings. implications of a panic attack, this drabble is about college and college sucks so :/

prompts: #63 "is it okay to hug you?" and #80 "how long have you been feeling like this?"

prompt list | series masterlist | taglist

at this rate, you were about to throw your laptop and all your other academic belongings in your room, out your tenth floor window. even though your laptop cost you your savings, and just the thought of it crashing against the concrete made you wince. maybe you'll keep the laptop.

you don't know when everything went downhill for you. exam season just finished recently and for the past month you've been studying your ass off reviewing notes and doing study guides. the amount of sleep and meals you've been skipping because you've planted yourself at your desk chair for hours. you were beyond stressed. you feel like everything was moving too fast, everyone in your class was speeding in front of you and you felt like you were still standing at the start line.

you're pretty sure you're going to have to retake this class. being a slow learner is humiliating and frustrating. seeing your classmates soak up whatever your professor is teaching so quickly and knowing exactly how to do it when you're still figuring out how to start. you've stayed after lectures multiple times when you try and ask for help, but sometimes after them helping you still don't get it and it's the most infuriating thing.

at this point, you don't even know if you'll be able to graduate or even deserve getting your degree.

tears pricking your eyes, your balled fists clenching and your nails digging into the palm of your hands as you place them over your closed lids. anxiety taking over, your chest tightening and hands shaking as you use your nails to dig deeper into your skin.

the sudden crave for your boyfriend's affection and comfort. you sniff, wiping away a tear with the sleeve of your hoodie. reaching for your phone, despite your trembling numb hands, that's charging.

your thumb hovers over his contact. debating whether or not to text him and ask him to come over if he's not busy. as your chew the skin on your bottom lip.

what will haechan think when he sees you crying over your exam grade? will he be ashamed? will he laugh?

you push that thought away and quickly write a text before carelessly tossing your phone loudly on your desk.

haechan didn't know what to think when he saw your text. but he was worried for sure.

baby🫶🏼: can u come over? if ure busy it's okay.

it was well around seven o'clock in the evening, the dark sky making it feel like it was ten at night. you're still sat at your desk, staring at the screen of your laptop that has your exam grade displayed on it. you were recalling questions that were on the test and cursing at yourself because you should've gone with the answers you first thought of instead of second guessing yourself.

too spaced, in a mental state of derealization, out to hear your front door opening, the sound of keys being tossed onto the kitchen counter and footsteps sauntering down the hall to your room.

"baby?" he calls softly from behind the door, opening it and peeking his head from behind the door.

blinking you slowly turn in your chair to face your boyfriend.

he showed up, you think.

he softly smiles at you, closing your door behind him as he carefully makes his way to you. observing your body for any injuries and your surroundings, he feels a tug at his heart when he notices the papers and books scattered on your desk and your laptop sitting in front of you.

"hey baby." he crouches in front of you, noticing your glossy eyes, reaching for your hands that are already reaching for his. "is it okay to hug you?" he mumbles, wanting to be careful in his actions.

you non, lips trembling as you squeeze his hands and wrap them around yourself. "please." you choke out.

tears spilt over and flowed down your face, and you knew you were staining his shirt with your wet tears but he doesn't say anything about it.

cradling the nape of your neck and his other hand softly rubbing your back up and down as he whispers sweet assurance into your ears.

"i've got you."

"i'm here baby."

"i still love you."

"it's okay."

he lets you cry in his arms for what feels like hours, him never running out of comforting words as he holds you.

when you pull away from his chest, face red and puffy, you’re sure your eyes will be puffy when you wake up tomorrow from this crying session.

haechan stares at you intently, a frown on his lips as his hand softly rubs the top of your thigh. you wipe your face with your sleeves. he doesn’t ask for you to tell him what’s wrong, just patiently waiting for you to recollect yourself and to open up to him on your own.

“i did terrible on my exam.” you mumbled, lowering your eyes, watching haechan’s hand move up and down soothingly.

he doesn’t react, eyes focused on your hidden face.

you turn your chair to point out the bold percentage on your laptop, shame and embarrassment flooding through you.

he opens his mouth to ask you something, but closes it when you continue.

“i’ve told you i’m a slow learniner,” you start, lips quivering again but you bite your lip before proceeding.

he nods attentively.

“but, i really really hate being a slow learner. it’s so humiliating seeing my classmates take in the information my professor is teaching so easily and i’m sitting at my desk with no clue on what’s going on. i feel like i’m just dumb. and i might have to retake the class next term because that exam just did a number on my overall grade and at this point i’m wondering if i even deserve a degree. i feel like i’m so far behind and everything’s happening too fast. and i’ve been sitting at this damn desk trying to figure out where i went wrong, almost throwing out my laptop out the window in the process, but i spent a shit ton of money on this thing.”

haechan delicately smiling at you, still rubbing your thigh and listening to you. but his heart breaks at what you’ve been feeling for however long. the overflowing stress finally taking it’s toll on you.

��and i almost didn’t ask you to come over...i was overthinking you would be ashamed of me or laugh at me. though i know you wouldn’t for real, it was just my intrusive thoughts taking over me. but my train of thought turned dark, like, what if i’m not enough for you. what if me failing my exam was the cherry top and you go find someone with a masters degree in medicine that can actually process information normally or something. or what if my failing grade held you back with your career...” you trailed off.

silence falling between you too.

haechan sighs, his hand freezes on your leg. “how long have you been feeling like this?” he asks.

“for a couple of weeks.”

his hand slides off your leg to slide over his face, frustrated. not at you.

at himself.

he wasn’t paying enough attention to you to even realize you were feeling like this. maybe it wouldn’t have taken this much of a toll on you if he had noticed earlier and talked to you about it.

but here he is, talking to you about it just now. and you’re at your end.

“baby- baby, i...” he tries to start but he curses under his breath.

“are you mad at me?”

his head shoots up, shaking his head. “no, no. i’m not mad at you bubs. i’m mad at myself.”

“i can’t believe you’ve been feeling like this and hurting like this for so long.” he breathes, this time both his hands travel from your thighs to your waist.

“baby, you being a slow learner is not something to be embarrassed about. it’s okay and normal for you to take your time to learn and understand something. the fact that you’re trying is admirable. some people don’t even try and they just lose hope. everyone has their own pace, don’t compare yourself to others baby. you’re just doing things your way and perfecting it at your own pace. you can’t always rush things, even though you want to be successful in school. everything takes time.” he tells you firmly with assurance, squeezing your waist every time he emphasizes something.

you didn’t realize your eyes were tearing up until you blinked and a tear fell down your cheek. i still love you and always will. and i’m always here for you, so please don’t hesitate to come to me. okay?”

you nod silently.

“words, baby.” he squeezes your waits again.

“okay.” you smile.

“i don’t want anyone else but you, i could care less if a girl came up to me in a tesla and showed me her stupid degree in medicine from yonsei unversity.” he scoffs, making you giggle and his heart lightens up.

“i want you. i want you til you can’t stand me anymore, and hopefully that’s til we’re both old and wrinkly.” he stares at you.

you nod again, a couple more tears escaping, tears you thought you had ran out of. guess not.

haechan leans on his knees to faintly kiss your lips. standing up to close your laptop and clean your desk before he takes you away from your room, carrying you into the kitchen to make you some food.

taglist @n0hyuck @matchahyuck @neosdaisy send an ask or message to be removed! or fill out the google form to be added :D

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imnotjaesblog · 1 year

Text

To my First Love, my lilac this is my silent love letter to you- Mark Lee

Over 5k words.

Suggestive, Smut, Fluff & Slight Angst. Minors do not read!

I hope you enjoy my first short story here.

It was around eight when my father finally came out the basement. He had been there since he came home from work.

“How was work?” My mom asked him. My dad remained silent focusing on undoing his tie, taking it off he picked up his fork. “Fine” he chewed his food. Keeping his eyes on his plate. This was the first time he sat at the table with us in months. “Well that’s nice” my mother tried to save the conversation, but it only became more awkward. She placed down her fork and knife looking directly at my father who kept his eyes on his plate. “My boss was a real jerk today” she began, “He made me do so much more paperwork for a mess he created. I mean can you believe it?” She said frustrated. My father shrugged “That’s great” he said with a sigh like it was painful for him to care.

“Honey, are you even listening?” She asked him. She only knew the answer but couldn’t help herself. My father remained quiet only lasting about five more minutes at the table before he picked up his food and left for the basement. Small beats of silence passed before my mother spoke. “You can leave if you want to Y/n. You don’t have to stay” she said keeping her disappointed eyes on her plate. I decided to stay and finish my meal.

How did I get so lucky with you?” She asked. I shrugged “I guess I’m a miracle baby” she chuckled eating some of her dinners. “That you are” Laying awake in my bed as the rain poured outside my window I played with the hem of my blanket. I wonder what went wrong. Between my mother and father. They used to be so in love. My father always brought my mother her favorite flower every day when he came home from work. One lilac, just one. When they first met he was too poor to buy an entire boquete, so he brought her one flower for their first date. It became their thing. He still brings her a flower every day even though he could now afford hundreds of flowers, he still gave her one. She was his first love and he was hers. I wonder where it went wrong? Now the last flower he brought her was months ago. She tried to keep it alive but it had died.

As I lay awake I hear a tap on my window, looking up I see my boyfriend Mark. Shaking my head trying to keep my smile hidden I walk over to the window. Opening it I help Mark inside helping him remove his soaked, heavy jacket. “What are you doing here?” I ask as Mark takes off his sneakers placing them next to my desk. He shakes his head like a dog removing water from its fur. He looks up into my eyes. “I wanted to see you,” he said stepping closer to me and kissing my lips. I smiled into the kiss, kissing him back and placing my arms around his neck. Pulling him closer to me, walks us further into the room his hands sliding down from my breath to my waist. “Mhm, no bra?” He questioned going back to kissing me. Slightly pushing him off me I let him sit down at my desk.

I take my place right on his lap not caring about his wet jeans. Placing my legs over his he holds onto me so I don’t fall kissing me again. “I missed you,” he said. I chuckled looking deeply into his eyes. “You saw me a couple of hours ago” he shook his head holding onto my inner thigh. His hand traveled lower, I sucked in a breath. His fingers could feel the heat where I wanted him most. He pouted kissing my lips and holding onto me tightly. “It’s not enough. You know the summer is almost over. We don’t have much time together” he whispered against my neck leaving a trail of wet kisses. My smile slowly started to fade. Pushing him off lightly I looked into his brown eyes. I spent so much time making happy memories with Mark I’d forgotten that soon I’d have to let him go.

Once summer was over Mark was leaving off to college and so was I. He would be going to Stanford and I would be going to Harvard, all the way on the other side of the country. He and I had both assumed long distance wouldn’t work so we spent the time we had now together..“Let’s not talk about that now” I begin playing with his fingers that rested on my thigh. Lifting my face towards him I smile, “Let’s make good memories, eat good food and stay healthy so that you can visit me, okay?” I smiled. Mark smiled nodding his head and leaning in closer to me.

“Okay. Let’s take care of ourselves and enjoy this moment together” he leaned in and kissed me lifting me and holding me in his arms as he made his way to my bed. Laying me down he hovered over me. Leaning into my neck he kissed his way up to my lips. His fingers trailed along my stomach which was slightly exposed due to the thin layer of material of a tank top that once covered it. The tips of his fingers tickled causing me to chuckle. Mark chuckled as well laying his hand flat this time and kissing my lips. Lowering himself further down my body I leaned up on my elbows watching as he kissed down my stomach. Sneaking a glance at me I watched as he pulled my shorts down. I lifted my butt in the air so that he could easily pull down the shorts. Tossing them to the side he pulled my panties down as well.

Spreading my legs open for Mark I wasn’t even shy. I had done this for him so many times already that my mind and body weren’t cables of being shy around him. He’s seen me at my best and worst. Spreading my folds with his cool finger I moaned when he flicked his thumb over my clit. He smirked licking his lips at the sight of my dripping cunt. Leaning forward his wet tongue began to lick my clit as his fingers dance around my entrance. “Mark” I whined growing impatient. He chuckled leaning closer to me. “I’m sorry baby I’m just trying to make good memories”he flirted. “What kind of memories? Memories of eating me out?” I asked letting my elbows set me down on my back. He smiled, “That and I need something to think about when you’re away” I rolled my eyes smiling at the corny comment. I lightly kicked him with my foot. Mark leaned in sucking on my clit causing me to moan into my hand, still, the moan was loud. Mark removed one of his hands from my thigh holding it over my mouth. “Shh,” he said against my pussy immediately going back to sucking and playing with her. Once I finished I went to suck him off.

At first, he told me no that I didn’t have to, but agreeing to palm him through his jeans he was on board. Sucking off Mark was always enjoyable. I loved watching the way his face changed when I finally touched him or when I finally placed him in my mouth. The way his head fell back at the sight of me sucking him deep into my mouth. There was something so beautiful about watching a man completely crumble underneath me or above me. Watching Mark’s chest rise up and down made me think about riding him. He tapped my shoulder letting me know he was gonna cum. Pushing me off I licked my lips taking off my tank top. Pushing back into my bed I got on top of him. “Let me ride you” I whined. He quickly nodded taking off his shirt and placing me on top of his cock. He moved me up a bit to get a hold of his dick. However, the sensation felt too good.

Both of us let out a moan, my pussy jerking off his dick as his tip hit my clit. It was delicious. “Do it again” I said. He nodded gliding me against his cock and holding onto my waist. Silently moaning again I held over my mouth to not make a sound. Mark bit his lip gliding me over his cock again. “Go faster,” I said. Mark instantly started to move my hips faster. I moved with him jerking his cock as his tip hit my clit over and over.

“Fuck” he whispered watching my pussy slide off his dick. His mouth was a gape, his jaw slacked and his eyes trained on watching my pussy glide against his dick. I couldn’t help but watch either. My eyes wandered to his face. I nearly moaned out loud at the sight. As much as I wanted to fuck him right now, It felt too good to stop this. Why didn’t we try this before? Mark jerked me against him faster as he came all over his stomach. His abs puff in and out along with his chest. Sweat glistened on his forehead and body.

Looking up at me he watched my face as he continued to move my hips helping me finish too. Once I came all over his cock he moaned watching and helping to lift me off him. His dick glistened with both our juices in the moonlight. Grabbing a towel I wiped his stomach and he laid me down on my bed and wiped me clean.

The days flew by the end of summer was coming closer than I thought. Mark was such a good distraction from the world. He made every moment together so beautiful and so perfect. We spent days going on dates and whispering little nothings to each other at night wrapped in each other's arms. As much as I didn’t want to think about it, it was going to be hard to let him go. But I have to, both our futures depend on the decisions we make now. Mark considered rejecting Stanford at one point to follow me to Harvard. I told him he was out of his mind to reject his dream school and that he should focus on living a good life. I couldn’t stop him from following his dreams.

Mark had also told me he loved me the night he found out he had gotten accepted to Stanford, I told him I loved him back. A week later I got a letter from Stanford saying I was rejected, and a few more days later I had gotten my acceptance video from Harvard. Mark is my first love. I’ve never felt this way toward anyone before. Mark has only told me how much he loved me once. Other than that he doesn’t mention his feelings to me outside of saying ‘I love you’. Sometimes I wish he did, it’s nice to hear how the person you love feels about you even if you’ve heard the story thousands of times. I know I tell Mark the story the night I realized I loved him all the time because he always ask me to tell it. I don’t mind telling him the story, it makes me happy to know he cares just as much as I do about my feelings for him. As I lay awake at night again, I hear a tapping on my window. Smiling knowing exactly who it was I made my way over to the window. Opening it up I stepped aside for him to enter. However, he remains outside my window.

“Mark, what are you doing? It’s raining again tonight, come inside” I say moving my hand over my head to stop the raindrops from hitting my eyes. He sighs stepping inside but only remaining by the window. I walk further into my room assuming he’d follow but he doesn’t. “Why are you just standing there? You know you’re free to walk around my room” I said flopping in my bed. I pick up my remote. “Do you want to watch a movie? We can watch The Notebook” I wiggle my brows. Mark smiles for a moment but quickly brushes it away. Shaking his head he stands up straight and says.

“I want to break up” Looking away from my tv I look into his eyes.

“What?” I question.

“I want to. I want to break up” he says stuttering. He plays with his fingers his eyes avoiding mine. “Look the summer is almost over and you leave for college soon. We should rip the bandage off now before it hurts later on” I scoff sitting up on my bed and placing my remote down. “Is that really what you want?” I ask. He nods keeping his eyes away from mine.

I nod, “Okay” is all I say.

“I’m sorry” is all he says.

“Don’t be,” I begin. “Mark you know how I feel about love. I love it” I say. “Many things happen to a couple while in love. One of those things is to let the other go if it means they will be happy. I love you so much that if your leaving makes you happy then I will not stand in you’re way. If you think this will make you happy and months later you’ll come back hoping I’m available I want you to know that I will not be waiting for you,” I confess. “Love is not about waiting for the person to be ready. It’s about supporting them in the healthy decisions they choose that make them happy. If you are not happy with me then, I wish you happiness somewhere else” I say opening my window for him to leave.

I silently hoped he wouldn’t, that my profession of love would somehow make him stay. Make him realize this was a mistake. I wished he’d say something to me, anything at this point. All he did was stare at his fingers playing with his thumbs. I sighed growing impatient. I know he has a million things he wants to say, I just wished he’d say them. When the silence started to become unbearable I finally spoke.

“I think it’s best now if you go,” I say slightly annoyed. Mark nods stepping outside the window. Mark lets out a shakey breath his eye falling from mine. Climbing down the tree Mark was starting to regret his decision. The truth was he never wanted to break up. He wanted things to work out, he assumed this would just be easier for both of us. However he couldn’t voice how he felt, he never could. He always got too nervous to say how he felt. Afraid of judgment or something absurd. I would never judge Mark. I didn’t even judge him when he tried to play the flute for me months ago in an attempt to recreate a scene from a movie I loved. He was horrible but I still listened to every note he attempted to hit like it was the best song I had ever heard.

He climbed down the large tree disappearing into the night. I closed my window locking it. Throwing myself into bed I held back my tears picking up my remote I pressed play on the movie. My sadness was replaced with anger. He didn’t even fight for me. He just let me walk away. Holding my pillow I still couldn’t believe it. He didn’t fight at all all he said was

“I’m sorry” that was supposed to make me feel better I rolling my eyes and trying my best to focus on the movie.

Finally, the day had come and it was time to say goodbye. My mom rolled one of two of my suitcases into the trunk of her car. Placing it inside she took mine from my hands sliding the suitcase on top of the other. I put my carry-on inside the trunk, stepping aside so my mother could close the lid. Walking over to my friends I said goodbye sitting inside the car and letting my mom drive me to the airport.

“I'm gonna miss you," she beginning to drive down the neighborhood street. "But I'm also so proud of you. I know you're going to do great things in life, please don't make the same mistakes I did" She said looking over at me, giving me a small smile then turning back to the wheel. "Was dad a mistake?" I asked feeling the air in the car shift. She sighed shaking her head, "We were young when we had you, you know that," She smiled. "I think because we became parents so soon and my focus turned to you our romance died," She said.

“So it's my fault?" I said widening my eyes and slightly hurt. My mother quickly shook her head. "No of course not. What I mean is my life turned into your life and your father's as well. You became our lilac. You are the most important and best thing to happen to us I'm sure of that. What happens between me and your father is our relationship and has absolutely nothing to do with you. I just think he wished he didn't have to grow up so fast" She said truthfully. I nodded turning my head to look out the window and sighing to myself.

Small beats of silence passed before my mom spoke.”How's Mark doing?" she asked. I rolled my eyes lifting my head off my chin. "Mom I don't want to talk about him right now,” She nodded continuing to drive. "I know. I know. I just want to know how you're doing. How are you, honey?" My mom asked slightly worry in her tone.

I sighed placing my hoodie off my head. "I'm fine. This is for the better as he said. We’re gonna be living two completely different lives anyway,” "And that was easy for you, just to leave him," she said concerned for my feelings."I didn’t leave him he left me,” I said. "But are you happy? I know you love him and it's okay if it hurts" I huffed rolling my eyes. Why can't she just drop this? "It doesn’t matter what I feel right now mom. I just want to get to school and forget all about this” I lie. She shakes her head. She can read me like the back of her hand. She knows I’m lying but doesn’t press any further. “I’m surprised you didn’t get a boom box and stand outside his window” I chuckle at the idea, it’s how I asked him to prom.

Clearing my throat I washed away the memory turning on the radio. “Ohhh looks Y/n it’s you’re singing!” My mom said trying to lighten up the mood. She started dancing to the beat. I chuckled allowing her to be my distraction until we got to the airport. 1 year later"Y/n!" my friends called out to me from across campus. I jogged over to them holding onto my bookbag. Hugging each of them I smiled at their presents, they make college life just a little more simple. My friend

Emily placed her arm around me. "Since the semester is over we were wondering what you would be doing for the holiday" She leaned closer to my ear using her eyes to point to the boy in front of me. “Maybe you could be doing Jeno,” she said wiggling her eyebrows. I pushed her off pretending like I was going to hit her. “Stop it,” I say causing her to smirk. “I heard he’s gonna be staying out in Boston. I also heard he has a thing for you" She said sipping her iced coffee.

“The worst kept secret in the world," I said smiling sneaking a glance at the boy who was already looking my way. He quickly turned his head looking up at the sky. I turned away as well. Emily squealed beside me handing me a cup of coffee. “He’s totally into you,” she said. I rolled my eyes as the group started to walk away from where we were standing and down a path. Emily stood beside me linking her arm with mine. As we walked she stopped dead in her path. “What?” I asked concerned checking to see if there was a bug or maybe one of the many lovers I had to hide her from.

“You didn’t answer my question”

“I’m not doing Jeno”

She shook her head, “No the other one”

I tapped my chin thinking of another questioned she asked me. “Well earlier who asked me if Johnny was single”

“Oh yea I did, is he?” She ask holding my arm.

I nodded my head, “Yea but I think he has a thing for Sam” I said.

She frowned in defeat. “Damn. How about TY?”

I thought about it for a moment. “He should be. I haven’t seen him with anyone”

she nodded “Nice you should set me up with him” I chuckled.

I can’t even count how many guys I’ve set her up with this past year. It’s also how we met. Last year on the first day of class she saw me sit next to our now-friend Jamal. She was very attracted to Jamal and like the secret Cupid I am I helped her out. He ended up having a girlfriend that we didn’t know about, but in the end, we ended up getting a friendship out of it so that’s even better. She stopped again.

“What now?” I question. "What are you doing for the holidays? Going back home? Staying here?" She asked. I thought about it for a moment. My mom said it would be okay if I stood in Boston if I wanted to but I already stood out in Boston last year and went to see her during spring break. That was around the same time I saw Mark at the grocery store with his brother. Nothing was ever more awkward than his brother trying to make small talk between us. However, I know it would hurt her if I didn't show "I think I'm gonna go home. I haven't seen my family in a while" My friend nodded her head understanding. "I get it. We'll miss you" she said hugging me. I pushed her off,

“Wait" she raised a brow. "What?" she asked."Why don't you guys come with me? My mom will love the company" my friend smiled a bright smile. "Really? she would be okay with that?" She asked almost slipping her drink. I nodded, "She should be. I'll call her" I said. Making my way back to my friends I went to tell them the news but before I could speak my phone dinged.

217- 588-8662- How are you?

I immediately recognized the number.

“You okay?" my friend asked as I stared at my phone. Lifting my head I nodded. "I'm fine" shutting off my phone I caught up with my friends. Three days later. My mom opened the door with wide arms and a big smile for me and my friends. Wearing an apron and gloves she welcomed us all in. She hugged me and my friend group. "It's so nice to meet you all. Are you all hungry?" she asked. “Yes!" they responded in unison. She smiled seating everyone at the dining table.

I walked over joining my friends. Jeno helped me place everyone’s suitcase in different rooms in the house. He placed the guys downstairs in the basement and helped me carry the girl's suitcases to my bedroom. As we brought the last bag up I slipped.

Jeno quick on his feet helped me up off the wooden step I fell on. “Are you okay?” He asked holding out his hand for me to take. I chuckled letting him help me up. “I’m fine” I respond. He pulls me up a little hard causing me to bump into his hard chest. Holding me close we both stare into each other eyes. Just as he was about to speak the doorbell rings. I pushed him off me and ran downstairs. My mom went to open the front door but I stopped her from opening it myself. Walking over to the door I opened it revealing, "Mark?" I said both our eyes widened. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

He cleared his throat. "Your mom invited me," he said keeping his eyes locked on mine. I couldn't believe it. Why would she invite him here knowing I was coming? As time went by I remained at the front door holding it open in surprise. My mom came to the door allowing Mark to step inside. "Go ahead and sit down make yourself comfortable," she said to him.

"Are you sure?" he asked, "I don't want things to be weird" he says politely.

“They already are," I say under my breath. My mom nudged me, "Stop it" she turned back to Mark, "It's not weird. Go sit down make yourself comfortable" Mark nodded walking inside and sitting down at the table."Mom why?" I asked.

She sighed. "He's going through a lot right now okay"

"So you invite him here to our house while I'm here! He's my ex! Why would you invite him? And what does that have to do with me!” I whisper yell. She huffs turning us around so we could face the front door. "Look I didn't want to air out his business but you need context. His dad lost his job so they can't afford tuition. He's going to a community college out here for now and he's been helping your dad in the basement with that old car" She sighed. "His parents are fighting a lot so sometimes I invite him over for dinner, I had already invited him for Christmas before I knew you were coming. Besides," she flicked my forehead.

“Ow!" I whined.

“You were supposed to come tomorrow," She said. I rubbed my forehead, "I'm sorry they changed our flight" I said. "Be nice" She whispered into my ear walking away. She sat back down at the table. I followed behind her making my way into the kitchen to grab a glass of water.

"Wow, this table hasn't been filled with people in years. I'm so happy Y/n invited you all for the holidays, truly. I hope you enjoy you're staying here" she said smiling I could hear the excitement in her voice watching everyone enjoy their meals. Maybe it's good Mark comes over for dinner when I'm not here, she can probably use the company. I sigh to myself sipping my water. I had no idea he dropped out of Standford.

Looking over at the dining table my eyes found Mark sitting next to Johnny. The two were talking to one another as more of my friends joined in. He fit in so well with our group, looking at him at the table felt right. Maybe he needed this, maybe he needed friends. Maybe I should be nicer to him, who knows what he's going through. Walking back to the table Jaemin spoke up, "If you keep cooking like this, I won't ever leave" he said to my mom who blushed. We all chuckled at his comment.

I sat back down at the table across from Mark, we awkwardly shared a glance before I turned to the rest of the table trying to figure out what part of the story Sam was telling. Throughout the story, I could see through the corner of my eye the glances Mark made toward me. Brushing them off I focused on the conversation."Woah I love your room," My friend Emily said walking inside and touching the lights that dangled on my wall. Jaemin walked over to my bed picking up a brown bear.

“Aww," he said holding it up. "Who is this?" he asked holding the bear. I walked over took it from his hands placing it on my bed. "It's my mom's. My dad gave it to her back in the 90s when they went to some amusement park. It was the only prize he won her. Well, he paid the guy to give it to him but my mom doesn't know that" We both chuckled at the short but cute story. Turning away I watched as Emily entered followed by our friend group, Mark stood by the door. As they walked inside my friends looked at my pictures and artwork on my wall. Jeno chuckled seeing a baby photo of me on my dresser. Walking over to him I blushed slightly embarrassed he found such a young photo of me, then again it was on my dresser where everyone could see so I can't be too shocked by the discovery.

"You look so young," he says holding the frame. "You look so cute," He said smiling at the photo. I smiled at him looking down at the photo. "You think I'm cute?" I flirted. He lifted his head looking into my eyes, "I do" he said his eyes looking into mine then turning to pick up another photo. My eyes traveled beyond the photo in his hands to the other side of the room.

I watched as my friend Sam placed her hand on Mark's shoulder. He jumped caught off guard by the closeness. She flipped her hair back and laughed at something he said. His chest erupted in small chuckles as the two flirted standing at the front of my door. "Why don't you come inside?" she asked. Such an innocent question, but for Sam it had a double meaning. Sam wasn't one to strive away from a casual hookup, but she had a type and was a lot pickier than Emily. The only thing Emily wanted was someone clean and attractive, age didn't matter unless they were under eighteen. She didn't need to get to know you or go out on a date, if you were down she was down.

Unlike Sam who liked guys like Mark. She liked to mess with them and tease them just to watch them fall apart. Sam was the kind of girl who got you in trouble, who you'd fall in love with and she'd break you're heart because she wasn't ready for love. It's why she always refuses Johnny. However I couldn't get mad at Sam for being so touchy with Mark, she didn't know he was my ex. I had enough trust to know that if she did she would have left him alone.

Mark's eyes made their way to mine. I quickly turned around facing Jeno again talking about the baby photo. Jeno continued to talk about how cute I looked as a baby and I answered his questions with one-word responses. I couldn't help but look back at Mark and Samantha. My face started to heat up and an annoyed feeling floated around in my stomach. Why was I so bothered? Mark and I broke up a year ago, I should be flirting with Jeno or even Jaemin. Why was my mind so occupied with Mark? Maybe it's because I haven't seen him in a while and all those feelings I hid away were slowly starting to rise.

Later that night."Okay Y/n," Emily said walking over to me and sitting down beside me on my rug. "Sam just went into the shower" I nodded my head confused. "Uh okay? Why are you telling me this?" She stared blankly at me like I was supposed to know why. She huffed after I didn't speak for a couple of seconds. “What's up with the Mark guy? You've been staring at him all night" she said crossing her arms over her chest. "Do you like him?" she raised her brow smirking. I scoffed, "I thought you wanted me with Jeno?" She rolled her eyes letting her arms fall. "I want you with whoever makes you happy. So who's the Mark guy?" she asked again.

I sighed telling her. "He's my ex. We broke up before we started school" I confessed. She leaned back nodding her head. "Now it makes sense, why he stood outside you're room," She said. "You still like him?" she asked. I widened my eyes shaking my head answering rather quickly, "No!" I said nervously. "I don't" she lightly kicked me with her foot. "Ow!" You do like him!" she said. "You better hurry up and get him" Why?" I asked. "Because Sam has been after him the whole night" I shrugged turning away. "So? he's my ex. Besides Jeno is right downstairs. I could go see him if I wanted to" I said trying to hide my irritation.

She rolled her eyes, "First off we both know you don't like him, and second of all If you go downstairs to see Jeno, you'll see Mark" I widened my eyes turning to face her again. "He's here?!" she nodded why does everyone know what's happening in this house except for me? "You're mom let him stay. The boys have taken a liking to him, so I'm sure they're hanging out" I got up off the rug putting on my slippers.

I walked towards my door grabbing the knob. "Where are you going?" Emily asked sarcastically already chuckling. "The basement" I responded my back still turned, opening the door. "You better hurry the water just turned off!" she shouted laughing as she heard me pick up my pace.

“That's my girl" she whispered to herself proud she was somehow able to convince me to go to the basement. I opened the basement door hearing laughter from the couch. Walking down the stairs all the boys turned their attention to me. "Hey Y/n," my friend Jamal said. "Do you want to join us?" I shook my head. "No, I need to speak to Mark," The two boys Oooed except for Mark and Jeno. Mark stood up walking over to me. We walked up the stairs leading him to the back door I stepped outside and he followed."Look if you want me to leave I will, you don't have to embarrass me-" he began to say. I shook my head.

“I'm not trying to embarrass you. I'm just curious as to why you're here" I said folding my arms over my chest. He sighed, " I don't want to talk about it right now," he said turning his head away and looking towards the ground. I sighed cold air leaving my lips, classic. We stood in silence for amount before Mark walked towards me. He took off his hoodie stepping closer to me. I stepped back, "What are you doing?" I asked. He handed me the hoodie exposing his arms. "It's freezing out here," He said holding his green hoodie out. "Put this on" I hesitantly took it from his hands deciding not to debate with him. Pulling the hoodie over my head we both stood again awkwardly.

Small beats of silence passed before Mark spoke again. “I think that Jeno guy likes you," Mark said to make conversation. I chuckled. "You and everyone else" I kicked my foot in the snow. He looked at me, and my eyes wandered every else but to his, watching the snow fall on the grass. Mark's eyes stood in the same spot they are now. "If you know he likes you then why not give him a chance?" he asked. Because I don't like him the way I like you I say in my head. Instead of saying the truth I shrug, "He's not my type," I say.

Mark steps closer tilting his head to the side his eyes never leaving me. "Oh, yea? What is your type" he says coming increasingly closer. I quickly glance at him slightly panicking with how close he was getting to me. I step back slowly tripping over my own feet. I reach out to the railing slightly turning my body away from him.

I shrug again, "I don't know, not him"Mark chuckles standing beside me. "Are you warm?" he says lower so only my ears can hear. I nod feeling his breath on my neck causing the little hairs to rise. "Are you cold?" I ask seeing him still in a t-shirt and jeans. He shakes his head, "I'm okay, I'm just making sure you are" he lied. I slowly start to turn my head looking into his eyes. Mark's lips are inches away from mine. He lets out a breath, I don't even watch the cold air fade away from his lips. He slowly starts to lean in and I don't turn away. Closing his eyes I close mine as well and let him kiss me. I place my hands behind his head and he places his hands around my waist deepening the kiss on my back porch. He holds me closer pressing his front against mine and kissing down my neck he uses his breath to warm up my skin sending shivers down my whole body.

Just as the kiss continues to get heated the back door swings open revealing Johnny and the rest of my friends. I quickly jump away from Mark fixing my hair and clothes. Emily comes out from behind Jamal and Sam follows behind her. "What are you guys doing out on the porch?" Johnny asks suspiciously.

"Just talking" I answer smoothing out my clothes and wiping my lips. Everyone seems to buy it including Johnny. Nodding his head he turns to the unlit fireplace. "Porch party?" he questioned. Everyone nods in agreement gathering chairs and beer as Emily walks over to set up the bonfire. Looking over at Mark my eyes meet his. He was already looking at me. Letting myself walk away to help Jaemin with the chairs I turn to see Sam glancing at the both of us and walking in Mark's direction.

I walked towards my bedroom door smelling my mom's bacon through the walls. "I should probably go thank him," I say taking the box off my nightstand and allowing Sam to place the locket back inside. Sam nods, "You should it's so pretty and while you're down there can you check if Mark is there, I have to talk to him" I look over at Emily who shakes her head. I look back at Sam, "Uh sure" she smiles standing up from my bed. "Great" she walks over to me and hugs me "Merry Christmas Y/n" then she makes her way to the bathroom. I look at Emily again who just shoes me away. I chuckle walking out my bedroom door.

On the way there I bump into Mark. "Oh sorry," we both say in unison. He's holding a towel in his hand and a toothbrush. "You can go first if you want," he said motioning towards the bathroom door. I shook my head. "It's okay I don't need it" There was a moment of silence. Why is every time we're alone together I act so weird like I can't form a clear sentence in my head. Deciding to escape this discomfort I chose to speak up. "Do you know where Jeno is?" I ask. Mark's large eyes meet mine. "He's helping your mom," he says. "Thank you," I say walking away however before I get far enough Mark clears his throat to stop me. "Merry Christmas Y/n," he says. "Merry Christmas Mark," I respond then turn and walk away. Walking outside I examined the front yard for Jeno.

Finally finding him helping my mom, move boxes into the basement. I start making my way over to them. "Hey Jeno," I wave him down. "Can I talk to you?" I ask. He nods smiling handing the heavy box over to Johnny who gladly takes it. He jogs over to me following me up the small hill. We start to walk further away to the opposite side of the front yard. “What's up?" he asks squinting his eyes from the sun. I sighed, This was gonna be hard. I didn't want to lose Jeno as a friend, he's a nice guy. I hope of lack of feelings for him isn't enough for him to end our friendship. "First off I want to say thank you for the necklace, it was really pretty," I say. Jeno nods putting his hands on his hips his sweater blowing in the morning breeze. He was still wearing his jogging outfit. His hair was stuck to his forehead and he let out deep breaths, probably tired from running and lifting all those boxes.

"I'm glad you liked it. Sam said you would" I nodded kicking a nearby pebble. "About that...I think it's pretty I do and I'm grateful for it, I just can't wear it" He crosses his arms over his chest. "How come?" He widens his eyes letting his arms fall "Is it too big?" he asks. I shake my head, "No I'm allergic to gold" He frowns letting his head all in disappointment. "I'm sorry I didn't know" I shake my head touching his arm. He lifts his head looking into my eyes. "It's okay," I smile. "Jeno I need to tell you something"

He stands up straight letting his arm relax under my touch. "Yea what's up?" he says. I sigh, I hope this goes well. "I like you, I do but not in the way you like me. I'm sorry if you feel like I led you on, but I think you should pursue someone who likes you the way you like me" I say hoping he doesn't get offended and walk away. Jeno nods his head understanding. "I get it. Thank you for being honest with me" he says, holding out his hand. I take his hand shaking it, we both look into each other's eyes and smile. "Thank you," I say. He nods, "Let's go back to the others, it's time to go" I nod walking with him to the car. Everyone had packed their things in my mom's trunk as well as the rental we had for our trip here. Johnny sat inside the rental car with Sam, Jaemin Jamal, and Jeno.

I sat next to my mom in the passenger seat as Emily sat in the back. Taking off to the airport my mom and Emily filled the car with conversation. Sam had blabbed to my mom about the necklace Jeno gave me. “I thought it was Jeno," she said surprised. "The boy with the blue hair right? I thought so too" My mom said. "It's very obvious he likes her," She said smirking. "And he's cute" she pointed out to Emily who just nodded her head. I shook my head, "He got me a gold necklace" I said. "He got you a gold necklace?" You're allergic," my mom said. I nodded "Yea, but he didn't know so I'm not mad. It was a little weird though. It felt like when you're boyfriend leaves a surprise for you so you can see it when you wake up" I say causing Emily to chuckle. "It was pretty tough, but not you're style," She said. I nodded, "Yea but at least he thought of me" My mom nodded agreeing with me. "It's always the thought that counts" I nodded turning away and looking towards the car window.

For the rest of the car ride, I remained looking out the window as Emily and my mom talked. My mind elsewhere only focusing on one person, Mark. A part of me wanted to turn around and talk to Mark and find out why. Why was he avoiding me so much? Why couldn't just tell me how he felt? It would make it so much easier to move on if he just opened up to me or maybe it would make me fall more in love with him. Maybe it's better if I never know. Maybe I should just go back to Boston and start a new life. No one takes me seriously anyway. "Y/N you're too nice, people will take advantage of you" or "Y/n love is stupid, it doesn't exist so stop forcing you're stupid narratives on us" Why do I have to have so many emotions? Why did I have to love and care for anything that lives? Why couldn't I just turn off my feelings like Sam or keep them hidden like Mark? Why did I have to be so weak all because I think love is special? Love is what brings people and creates families. Love is poured into everything, from art to lovers. Passion, hope, joy, and love why have I been deemed a fool for believing that everyone deserved love and romance? Everybody deserves somebody to love, everyone deserves a first love. That one big one you never forget, I will never forget Mark even if I have to let him go. Once we got to the airport we waited to board our flight.

Sam patted her jeans her eyes widening in fear. "My AirPods! I think I left them on the bench" She said. "You better go get them," Jamal said. Johnny nodded handing Jeno his bag. "I'll go with you" I shook my head, "It's okay I'll go, I want to use the bathroom," I said Johnny nodded taking his bag back. "Be back soon we leave in fifteen minutes" Jeno said. I nodded, "We should be back before then" I walked over to Sam as we walked off to find her AirPods. After ten minutes and a bathroom break, she found them underneath the bench. She sighed in relief "Thank you, Lord," she said placing them back in her bag. "Let's go we have three minutes left" I nodded following behind her.

"Wait!" I froze in my tracks. Sam stopped jogging off noticing I wasn't next to her. She squinted her eyes to see why I stopped. I turned around facing Mark who stood a couple of feet away from me. He walked towards me. I couldn't believe he was here right now. I couldn't move, my body was telling me to run up to Sam and catch my flight but my heart told me to stay right where I was. My heart wanted to hear him."Y/n..." he trailed. "You stopped," he said in slight disbelief that I didn't take off running. I couldn't my legs wouldn't let me. Sam walked over leaning closer to me "Y/n we only have two minutes left, we're gonna miss the flight" she said. I nodded slightly turning to her, "Just go ahead with put me I'll be there" She looked at me, and then Mark took off to the rest of the group.

“Whatever you have to say to me say it now. I have a plane to catch" I said crossing my arms over my chest and looking away from him. I hurt to treat him this way but I couldn't let him play with my heart anymore. I watched as he quickly scrambled around in his pockets pulling out a crumbled piece of looseleaf paper. Clearing his throat he spoke the words on the paper or at least tried to. “Y/n I want to start by saying that...that I um..." I tapped my foot eager for him to finish his sentence. Mark began sweating and speaking over his words. He huffed "Skrew this" I looked over at him as he ripped the paper up into pieces looking into my eyes. "Y/n you mean everything to me and I'm sorry," he said.

I scoffed, "That's it? We haven't seen or spoken to each other in over a year and all you have to say is that? I mean seriously you've been avoiding me since you kissed me and now you running to the airport to catch me just before I leave? What are you trying to pull here? I ask offended by his words. He wasn't being honest with me at all. It hurt that even now he wouldn't fight me. He sighed starting to walk away. I scoffed again shaking my head in disbelief. "You're unbelievable," I say walking away. I feel a hand around my arm turning me around. Mark had stopped once he heard me complain again about his lack of expression. His face had changed from defeat to frustration.

“I'm unbelievable? You're unbelievable! I don't know how to please you Y/n! It seems that everything I say or don't say is just another reason for you to walk away" I scoffed, "Oh so you're aware?" he gruffs, "See! See this is what I'm talking about. I'm doing my best to be perfect for you because I want to be with you. I care about you Y/n, you just make it so difficult to please you!" I rib my arm away from him stomping my foot on the ground. "I make it difficult? Mark all I've wanted you to do this whole time is open up to me. Talk to me! That's all I ever wanted and if you can't have a conversation with me if it's so "difficult" like you say then maybe we shouldn't be together" I said my chest heaving up and down. I was angry beyond the hills. How could he stand here and say that I was being difficult? I've made it easy for him. Always share and be honest with how I feel so he would feel comfortable talking to me. The tears that slipped out of my eyes began to burn my cheeks. I harshly wiped them away.

Mark sighed letting his head fall. "I was scared. Scared that I wasn't good enough for you. I mean look at you, you're so kind and open. Everywhere you go you make friends and people instantly like you. You're so good to me, you understand me and you see me. It makes me nervous and when you come close to me I sweat like a madman. I'm scared of losing you, I'm scared of you hating me, I'm scared you won't like me," He paused staring directly into my eyes. Shaking his head and taking my hands he began again." I don't care how it sounds you mean everything to me. After everything that's been happening in my life all my mind can wander to is you. Has Y/n eaten yet? Is she doing well? I hope she's taking care of herself. I hope she's finally found that love she is so desperately searching for" He said taking a moment to breathe. "Look Y/n I love you and I'm sorry I can't be the guy imagery guy you think about every night but I'm trying my best here" he pleaded.

“Mark..." I croaked feeling more tears form at the corner of my eyes. It felt like we were back in my bedroom fighting and loving like we always did. I didn't hear the people around us. I didn't hear nor notice my friends running over to get me and stop when they saw Mark. My attention only remained on Mark. The world stop moving for us at this moment. Time moved slowly as we poured our hearts out to each other and even though it was happening at an airport I was happy and grateful Mark was finally being honest with me. I think I should be honest with him."Ever since I was young and would hear about the stories between my mother and my father I dreamed of finding love like that. I wanted to be the girl whose lover ran home to her every night with a flower in his hand because he couldn't afford the bouquet. I wanted to be the girl who was loved regardless of the mistakes she made. I wanted to be loved for everything I have and for everything I gave. I wanted to be loved by someone who felt like a dream but still had flaws and imperfections because love isn't about being perfect and that's why I loved the idea of love so much. I envied my parent's relationship because up until this point my dad has loved my mother and my mother has loved my father. She still leaves small nothings for him under the tree and every day he leaves a lilac next to her nightstand and disappears into the basement. She just doesn't know because I take them. He figured she was throwing them away because they were always missing so he stopped and it's my fault" I cried. “Why are you telling me this?" Mark asked.

“Because he is her first love and you are mine" I confessed. "You are my lilac. You keep coming back into my life and I somehow make my way into yours. I think about you too every night and day. Is Mark okay? I hope he's studying well. I hope he's made a lot of friends" I confess more tears falling from my cheeks.

Mark wipes a few away with the pads of his fingers."Y/n I hate to break this up but we're gonna miss the flight," Emily says apologetically. Mark just looks into my eyes watching mine closely. I start to slip away from Mark's grasp letting his arms fall. As I start to turn away Mark grabs ahold of my arms pulling me into a kiss. He holds me close to him, holding the back of my head. Then he lets me go and I can't tell if this kiss is a goodbye or see you later.1 year later

"Y/N!!!" My friend shouted from the other side of our apartment. "What?" I asked as she walked into the room holding up crumbled wrapping paper. Her hair was a mess and she was sweating like a dog. I stood from my seat Emily stood up as well across from me. "What happened to you?" I asked. "Did you get into a fight with an elf?" Emily asked.

Sam huffed flopping on the couch letting the paper fall. "I've never wrapped a Christmas present before. I usually just place it in a pretty bag with pretty tissue paper then write on a pretty card" She whined annoyed with her lack of experience wrapping a gift. I walked over to her throwing away the useless paper. "Do you want help?" I asked she nodded. "Okay, I have to wrap Mark's gifts anyway so let's go," I said taking her hand. Emily followed us into Sam's room holding a pen and a pair of scissors.

"Who's the gift for anyway?" Emily asked.

"Johnny," Sam responded. Me and Emily both Oooed walking into her bedroom teasing Sam.

As we walk towards her room my phone rings, I smile at the contact.

"When are you gonna come visit me?" I ask Mark on the other side of my phone. He had recently moved to New York to work on becoming a writer. "I heard the weather is nice in Boston during this time" we both chuckle. "But I know my baby loves romance so why not Christmas in New York? You can't get any more romantic than that" I chuckle nodding my head.

“That is true, no one does Christmas like New York," I say. “I'll see what I can do," I say before hanging up the phone.

“Emily!" I shout from across the living room. "What?" she shouts back.

“I'm going to New York.." I waited until I spoke again. “Wanna come?"

Almost instantly I heard her footsteps running towards her bedroom door. Running into the living room holding onto her bag.

“Do I?" she questioned me like I was already supposed to know. I chuckled "Christmas in New York sounds good doesn't it?" I asked smiling. She picked up her phone

“I'm gonna call the whole gang" she said running off probably to back. I laughed shaking my head and walked to get my laptop.

On the plane to New York, I felt my phone buzz, picking it up I almost cried. Holding my hands to my mouth my dad's name appeared on my Lock Screen.

Dad- Merry Christmas

*Insert picture of Lilac*

Another text that came in.

Mom- I finally got them.

She wrote.

Y/n- It's so pretty.

Mom- I know right? Also, you're dad fixed our old car, you know it's the car we went to all of our dates in. You were made in that car.

Y/n- Ew mom.

Mom- What it's true! Anyways he and Mark did a good job. Have a safe flight, I love you.

Y/n- It does look good and Love you too.

I switched messages opening up mine and Mark's.

You- You told him?

…

Mark- Someone has to keep the romance alive.

———

“Merry Christmas," We all said in unison as we walked into Mark's small apartment. A small Christmas tree sat in the corner fully decorated with a star at the top. Candles were placed around the apartment as well as small decorations of snowflakes and elves. I walked over to Mark kissing his lips.

"Merry Christmas," He said against my lips.

“Merry Christmas" I responded kissing him again. We kissed for a while longer until Mark pushed off walking to the small desk next to the couch.

“I almost forgot," He said handing me a box. "Merry Christmas," he said. I opened the box and took out a silver key picking up the small note inside. My first love. We fell in love, despite our differences, and something rare and beautiful was created. I was awed.

“You copied that from the Notebook" He smiled taking me in his arms. “Someone has to keep the romance alive," He said kissing me again as the snow fell outside.

Fin

Hope you enjoyed my first ever short story on here. This is also my first Nct short story so I hope you enjoyed. Thank you for reading. Stay safe!

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arulay · 2 years

Text

Look At Me ~ Doyoung

genre: smut, angst?, some fluff?

summary: Jaehyun is y/n’s boyfriend who doesn’t treat her right, when will she find the right one?

WARNINGS: y/n receives slight mistreatment from Jaehyun, explicit content !!!!!

(ps. i am not trying or wanting to romanticise a toxic relationship or scenarios like this,)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

YOU MAY SKIP THE FIRST SECTION IF YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE,

I WILL SHOW WHERE IT ENDS WITH '###'

"Jaehyun~"

"Why don't you close that mouth of yours for me, hm?" Sounding pissed off already.

You pushed your lips together in an instant, not wanting another argument after he was done with you. Knowing exactly why he fucked you from behind was the hardest part,

He was imagining another girl.

Your front bashed into the sharp-edged counter, while Jaehyun rammed into you from behind. His hands clasped your hips roughly, and you knew it would leave more bruises from his un-kind touch. All you could do was claw at the cold marble counter he had you bent over.

"Jaehyun.." You heaved out "Stop.."

You couldn't take the pain anymore. He was silent for a couple seconds, before uttering,

"Take it like the slut you are"

All you could do was endure it, he never let you finish anyway.

He clasped his belt, and tucked back in his shirt while you ruffled your hair to look presentable.

"That was good, better than last time" He said breathlessly.

You nodded shyly, his hand twisting the bathroom door open. As soon as he left, you scoffed at his words. You left the bathroom soon after him, making sure you both didn't get caught.

###

You were round Jaehyun's friend's apartment. It was supposed to be a peaceful get together, until Jaehyun had to ruin it. He was always getting whatever he wanted, not caring if he left you with nothing at the end.

"Oh y/n!"

"Doyoung?"

"It feels like i haven't seen you in years"

He hugged you lightly, letting go of you quickly after, knowing what Jaehyun was like.

"Doie, i saw you last week"

"I know but still-"

He was cut off but the sound of someone bellowing your name. You rolled your eyes, fed up of being around Jaehyun even more.

"That's my cue to leave, can we catch up later?"

“Sure thing love" He smiled sweetly.

You turned around, not wanting Doyoung to see you blush from what he called you.

"y/n!" Jaehyun called once again.

"I'm coming!"

A few days later, another big argument happened between you and Jaehyun, this time you knew the outcome.

"Let's end this"

"Why Jae?"

"Get out of my apartment, now!"

"Baby i didn't-"

"Now!"

And that was it, Jaehyun had finally had enough of you. Not to say you were as hurt as you could be, but you two did date for nearly 2 years. You knew your relationship was bad, but there was still some love present, even if other people couldn't see it.

But now, you were alone.

The only person you thought to call was the one you felt most comfortable around.

"Doyoung?" He picked up immediately.

"Are you alright love?"

You hesitated. "Can I come round?"

"Of course"

"Thankyou Doie"

"Anything for you"

Oh he would never know what he did to you.

"Come in, quickly, it's cold outside"

You removed your large coat as Doyoung pulled you into his arms, knowing you get cold extremely quick. He also noticed the lack of warm clothes that were on your body... not that he was looking... Although he didn't want to let go, he did, but when you pulled him back in for another hug, he was shocked. But he soon melted in your embrace.

"What's up?" He moved his head back, expecting you to do the same. But all he was met with, was you pushing your face further into his chest. You didn't want to end this moment.

"Did something happen between... you two?"

You knew exactly who he was talking about, so you nodded against him. He quickly realised the reluctancy of your answer, knowing he should change the topic. However, you were ready to rant about the man you just ended things with.

"He's an asshole" Your words were muffled as your head was still pressed against him.

"Well i knew that" He stroked your head, making sure you don't get too riled up.

You suddenly pushed your hands onto his chest, pushing yourself backwards to look the male in the eyes. He noticed how tears formed as you went on about what Jaehyun has said to you in the past. All Doyoung could do was listen and nod slowly to what you said. It was comforting. Someone finally listening to you.

You didn't know if it was you being worked up, or all your emotions finally being let out, but you wanted someone. In that moment, you wanted someone who actually cared for you. And there he was infront of you. It was the way he never broke eye-contact, the way his hands were careful, acting as if you were the most delicate thing on earth.

In a matter of seconds, your lips were on his.

You weren't sure if he was kissing you back, because you realised what you were doing a second after. You stepped back in slight shock from your own actions.

"Doyoung I- I'm so sorry" Your hand was over your mouth as you walked backwards, grabbing your coat to leave.

"Wait y/n" While you were fumbling all the over the place, realising you might of just ruined another relationship, you didn't hear Doyoung call out to you.

"y/n" He grabbed your wrist, making your coat drop.

"I have to get back"

"To who? Jaehyun? Didn't you just tell me how bad of a person he was?"

Your head lowered.

"y/n, i know how he treats you"

"you don't know anything"

You looked back up at him. He realised the tears that fell from your eyes.

"You deserve to feel good y/n, something real"

"And what could you do about it?", you sniffled.

You didn't expect Doyoung to respond as you brought your arm up to wipe your tear stained cheek. But he took a light hold of it, clasping his fingers around yours as he moved closer to your body. Usually this would make you feel trapped, but now you felt safer than ever.

His head moved closer to yours, his lips nearly touching your ear.

"You have no idea how i can make you feel y/n"

He didn't look at your reaction as his lips were already on your neck, sucking lightly. Light enough so he wouldn't hurt you. He soon made his way to your chest. You helped him by pulling your top off your body, taking off your bra with it.

"Fuck, y/n" He breathed again your bare skin. He attached his mouth to your nipple, circling his tongue around it. Watching every face you made.

You sucked in your breath as he finally decided to pull of your underwear.

He kneeled down, his face level with where you wanted him. His hand pushed your thigh up.

He playfully licked you up and down, sucking on certain parts which made your legs quiver. You tugged at his hair, his low groans make it harder to keep your own moans in.

You were so used to not making noises, that you bit your lip harder than you ever have before. But Doyoung was urging to get something out of you. He stood back up as you frowned at the, now, loss of feeling.

"Why are you so quiet love?, Does it not feel good?"

He cocked his head to the side, his tone showing that he was genuinely concerned. You were honestly nervous to answer.

"I sound weird"

"I'm sure you don't y/n"

"I do" You insisted.

"Well why don't you let me be the judge of that, hm?"

His hand moved to your chin, moving your head up to look at him. But your eyes couldn't stay on his.

"Look at me y/n"

You failed to do so.

“Please"

You gave in, as your eyes finally stared into his, and it only took him a moment to place his lips on yours. Your mouths moved at a quickening pace, each kiss getting messier and the moment getting hotter. Doyoung pulled his top off and over his head, giving you a few seconds to admire his body. Your hands impulsively placed themselves onto his hard chest, tracing your fingertips down and along his stomach.

He smirked as he watched you become fascinated, your hands now making their way to the top of his belt. You looked up at him, showing you wanted to remove it. He nodded back, and your hands worked on unclasping it. You started to become impatient after you threw his belt to the ground. So you undid his button, and pulled down the zip.

Before you could pull his trousers down, his hands stopped yours.

"Didn't you want to go slow?" He cocked his brow.

"All i want is you Doyoung"

"And that's exactly what you're going to get"

You pulled his dick out from his boxers, teasingly sliding your fingertip up and down his slit.

He groaned as your hand slowly worked on him.

"C'mon Doie, i've waited long enough"

"You've waited too long for this y/n, -"

He pulled one of your legs up to his side, make you lean back slightly against the wall. He lined himself up, ready.

"- now i'm going to give you exactly what you want"

The feeling was euphoric as he pushed into you. You both let your mouths hang from the immense amount of pleasure you felt. You finally let out a moan, your head falling onto his shoulder.

"I knew you would sound fucking amazing y/n". Once he said that, you wouldn't shut up. You didn't care if anyone heard you.

Doyoung took his time with you. You whined as he went excruciatingly slow. His hands grasped your hips, helping you grind on him.

"Just like that y/n, your doing so good for me"

You loved the way he appreciated you, and every little thing you did.

149 notes · View notes

ohmygs-blog · 1 year

Text

“why’d you leave?”

—— a short haechan drabble (1.3k)

you're dancing around the question," hyuck yells throwing his hands up in the air, turning around to face arin again. his eyes glistening, tears glazed over filling up his eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall.

her face was scrunched up, her body curled into itself, sniffles and sobs taking over the silence in the room. her eyes shut tightly trying to hide her tears, although her sounds gave away just how upset she was.

"i tried hyuck! i really did, i tried," arin states, like a fact and it was, just not to him. he watches her, the way her tears are falling, her makeup streaked down her face. how she's sitting, shrinking into herself, her small frame only looking smaller on the large couch.

he walks over, sitting out on the sofa across from her, letting out a scoff before putting his head in hands. digging his palms into his eyes, trying to rid the burning sensation that has been there since he saw her again. he exhales out shakily, her heart clenching at the noise.

"why won't you believe me," she whispered out not having the strength to question him.

his head shoots up, his eyes puffy and bloodshot. his tears not being able to be held back anymore, a tear escaping falling down his cheek. "you left me arin," his voice cracked, his breath shaky.

"you left." the two sat in silence, hyuck looking over at arin again. seeing the way her body tensed with his words. her breathing coming out uneven, her eyes not leaving the floor.

her fingers fidgeting together, he knew he was probably pulling and scratching at the skin around her nails. wanting nothing more then to grab her hand like he use too, placing his hand in hers letting her fidget with his fingers instead.

"say something," he whispered out. "say anything. please arin."

she opened her mouth, before closing it again. nothing leaving, not being able to come up with the words she wanted to say. that she needed to say.

she heard movement and looked up, seeing hyuck standing up walking back to where he was before. standing by the window, like he couldn't stand to be near her.

"i couldn't do it anymore," she whispered out, her voice barely audible to him. her words coming out choked, her throat burning.

"i tried for us, for you," she stuttered out her words."i love you hyuck. god i couldn't just leave you, i love you so much," her words broke off into sobs, her body shaking.

he looked over at her, looking away immediately after. knowing if he looked any longer, he would run over to her and never let her go again.

"i couldn't be the one holding you back, i can't mess with your career. god, hyuck you're-," her speech trailed over for a moment. hyuck looking over his shoulder at her again, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"-you're so talented. you're so fucking special hyuck, i don't want to jeopardize that. you don't need me as a burden, i'd only hold you back. i couldn't do that to you, you don't deserve that."

she looked down at her fingers again, letting out a pained sound when she realized how much she had been picking at her fingers, most of the skin around her finger missing, small pieces sticking up.

she jumped a little when she felt a gentle touch to her hands, she looked up seeing hyuck crouched in front of her, his eyes and nose red. tears falling freely down his face, his eyebrows lightly furrowed.

he held her hands in his, looking up into her eyes, "jesus, arin. you're not a burden," he shook his head. "this is why?," she nodded her head.

"you're an idiot." she looked up meeting his eyes, seeing him shaking his head, yet holding a light smile on his face even with the tears. her face showed her confusion, her nose scrunched up and her brows furrowed.

he reached up, wiping away her tear, his touch light and gentle on her face. "you're not a burden arin, you never will be one." he placed his hands on either side of her face, "god you stupid girl. you're not jeopardizing anything, i'm perfectly capable of still being talented, amazing, sexy and perfect while being in love with you."

arin let out a small laugh, hyucks smile growing at her reaction, wanting to see her smile. he rubbed his thumb across her cheekbone once more, before moving to sit next to her on the larger sofa.

"seriously, nothing you do is jeopardizing me. if anything i need you with me, i want to experience all of this with you. i want you to be there with me for everything arin. you help me with so much and you don't even know it. stop being stupid and come back to me, hmm?"

arin sat frozen, her tears lazily falling down her cheeks. her hands moved towards each other again, but hyucks hands stopped her. grabbing her hands in his, seeing how bad she fingers looked, not wanting her to be in more pain.

her eyes travelled to their hands, seeing the way he intertwined their fingers together. his thumb rubbing softly on the side of her hand.

"i'm scared," she whispered out, her eyes not leaving their hands.

hyuck pulled her arms gently wanting her to look up at him, she didn't though. "what's wrong baby, why are you scared?"

her breath hitched at the use of the nickname she knew well, she had missed it. she sniffled, her eyes darting around the room.

"i don't know," she whined out leaning forward letting her body fall into his. hyuck letting go of her hands and wrapping his around her waist, holding her close to him.

"it's okay arin, let me be here for you. talk to me this time please, don't stress yourself out about things that aren't true."

a pang of hurt hit arins body, guilt flooding her body.

knowing his words held no malice but could help but felt hurt, knowing she had been keeping things from him. overthinking and worrying leading her to hurt him, maybe it wouldn't have happened if she had just talked to him.

her head was hidden in his chest, their position awkward from arin throwing herself forward. hyuck adjusting himself in the seat before moving arin to lay more comfortably.

his arm wrapped arm tightly around her waist, his chin resting on top of her head. his other hand playing with the ends of her hair.

"i'm sorry, i never wanted to hurt you. i'm sorry hyuck," her words came out muffled, from her face being pressed into his chest.

"i know you didn't arin, it's okay. i should have been there for you, i never wanted to you to feel like you would hold me back."

she shook her head, "it wasn't you, i'm still sorry." he hugged her tighter to him in response. tilting his head to leave a kiss on her head.

"i'm sorry too," he answered back. although she had hurt him, he held no negative feelings toward her. feeling awful that she had such negative feelings toward herself, not wanting her to see herself in such a way.

"do you hate me?" he asked breaking the silence in a while, the two still cuddled together on the couch. having missing each others presence, neither wanted to move. arin lifted he head off his chest, "no i don't. i love you hyuck," she stated. he let out a small laugh, confusing her even further.

"i know, i just wanted to hear you say it." he smiled down at her, letting out a louder laugh when he felt the small punch against his shoulder. leaving another kiss on her forehead, smiling when he saw her cheeks flushing.

she laid her head back down, trying to hide her blush from him. "i love you too arin," her blush increased, feeling the heat flood her face.

"that's not my name," she muttered out again, her cheeks smushed again.

"i love you baby."

………………………………………..

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oohwey · 1 year

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Nct Doyoung prompt #10

Y/N's nearing the end of college and they still haven't got a significant other and Y/N starts to feel insecure thinking that it's probably their looks and personality that turns other people off but they didn't know that the exact reason why nobody approaches them was because of Kim Doyoung the notorious bad boy of the college Threatening the people who like Y/N, because he likes you and doesn't want anybody stealing you away from him.

#nct angst #short prompt #nct 127 angst #nct fanfic #nct fluff #nct 127 fluff #nct 127 #kim doyoung #doyoung #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct drabbles #nctzen #nct doyoung

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jaehunnyy · 2 years

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⋘ 𝑃𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑖𝑡...⋙

[■■■■■■■■■■] 100%

⋘ Now playing...⋙ Chip's sweet milestone!

Hello everyone, and welcome to my first milestone event, entitled: "Tickets to our love – the concert". Since this is my first event, in hope to celebrate my 100 followers, I thought about surprising you a little bit, with: writing a short drabble based on your favorite lyrics! ^^

Here's what you gonna do for getting yourself a ticket:

1. Tell me about the idol you want your drabble with (I will write for the groups I have a masterlist for, but since I didn't have time to write dor the other groups that I stan, I might write for others as well, as long as I know a little something about that idol, ex: enhypen, txt, etc).

2. Along with the idol's name, write down one of your favorite lyrics, since I will use it as one's character line and it will, somehow, determine the plot.

3. Tell me about what genre you would like your drabble to be: fluff, angst, comfort, etc. Suggestive is accepted, but I will NOT go any further than that. Please try not to include triggering themes in your requests, such as: violence, yandere, addictions, and the like. You may combine two or more genres.

4. If you have any specific trope that you would like to see in your drabble, you may mention it in your request as well.

5. As for now, I only write for female!readers or gender-neutral!readers, so please mention which one of the above you would like to see in your drabble. :)

With these being completed, the ticket to the concert is all yours. Full stock for now! :D I might accept requests till the end of October, but please be patient with me. I am a highschool senior student and I have a lot of other activities that take my time. I will try getting your request done as soon as possible! ^^

#chip's sweet milestones 🍭#kpop requests #kpop drabbles #kpop ff #100 followers event #fav lyrics requests #kpop idols x reader #member x reader #kpop fluff #kpop angst #nct x reader #ateez x reader #stray kids x reader #seventeen x reader #txt x reader #enhypen x reader #chip writes ✨️#short drabbles

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dejunectar · 2 years

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Sorry Would Go A Long Way | Lucas

[PART 4]

[read part 3]

«« genre »» breakup/betrayal

«« pairings »» lucas, jaemin x reader(y/n)

«« warnings »» shit ton of angst, arguing

«« summary »» the day following jaemin's homecoming party.

«« song/inspiration »» Sorry Would Go a Long Way by Tori Kelly

__________________________________________

Silence filled the air as you breathed and opened the door to your house. Once in, you gently put your keys and phone on the kitchen counter.

You could feel your heavy heart beat against your chest as you made your way up the stairs to your bedroom. Though the memories of last night were blissful, reality had become too big to hide from.

You passed pictures of you and Lucas, once in love and happy. It deeply saddened you. Regret ran through your body, but you didn't let it stop you from opening the bedroom door.

There Lucas lay, in the sheets you once slept with him in. He was sleeping peacefully with his hair tousled and his arms stretched across both sides of the bed. His lips were parted as he snored lightly.

"Lu," you spoke softly before gently running a hand down his back, "wake up."

In mere seconds, his eyelids peeled open, and a look of realization painted his face. "Baby? Oh my God—"

You quickly took a step back as he reached for you. Your eyes suddenly found the wooden panels beneath you more intriguing than the oncoming sufferable conversation.

"Y/N?"

"We need to break up, Yukhei."

Silence followed your words, and he sat up upon hearing them. "Y/N, listen, I know I messed up, and I shouldn't have kissed her! I was drunk, and I wasn't thinking and—"

"I slept with Jaemin." Your eyes looked up to his own finally. Heartbreak and hurt immediately clouded his eyes; you felt your heart start to crack.

"You... why?"

It was your turn to start fumbling for words. Your throat tightened up, tears welling in your eyes.

"I didn't even wanna go to the party! And I went to look for you, and you just had her all over you, and I couldn't!"

"So you go and sleep with your ex?! How is that even remotely close to the same thing!" You watched as Lucas' body tensed up with every word.

"It's not, Yukhei, it's not! That's why we need to break up," you hiccuped as tears began to spill, "You don't deserve to be cheated on after you've been so good to me!" You reached for his shaking fists, but he snatched them away, walking around the bed.

"How could you? Have the past 5 months meant nothing to you?" he nearly shouted.

In general, this question made you seriously contemplate it all. You stood quietly for too long, making Lucas scoff at your silence. "I should've known this would happen. Ten said to be careful about Jaemin being back in town. Fuck this," he spat out, grabbing his shirt and shoes off of the ground.

You began to sob quietly as you watched him pack a few items he had at your place.

"I'm so sorry, Luc—"

"Don't fucking say my name." He refused to look in your eyes as he shoved his shoes onto his feet.

Though your hands trembled, you walked to him and grabbed the bag out of his hands. He huffed, snatching away from you again.

"Y/N, let me go."

"No, I just need–!"

"I don't care what the fuck you need; get away from me!" he yelled, voice shaking.

You began to break down before him, still holding onto his clenched fists. "Please, I just- I need one last thing, please!" you cried, trying to look into his eyes. It was selfish. You'd broken his heart, and now you were asking for requests.

A tear finally escaped his eye as he gave in and looked down at you.

"I love you, Y/N. Why did you have to sleep with him? Was I not good enough?" he whimpered, dropping his bag.

You shook your head and pulled him closer to you, searching his eyes for an opening. "I was hurt, and I wanted you to hurt too. I'm so sorry, Xuxi. I thought it was all behind me because he wasn't here! And y'know, now he is, and I just don't know how to stop going back to him. It's not an excuse, and you're right to hate me for it, but please," you swallowed hard and cupped his face in your hands, "please don't think you aren't good enough. You're so good, and I just fuck things up. It's what I do. I'm so sorry."

He breathed heavily into your hand and nodded before taking your hand away from his face.

"I'm not the victim in this either. I still kissed her, and if this is the end then I need to be honest." His words made your heart sink.

"After you left the party, I took her upstairs and—"

You shook your head, "Lucas, you don't-”

"She sucked me off. I came on her, and I almost had sex with her. I almost did, and I really wanted to. She told me she could give me things you couldn't, and I almost jumped at the opportunity." His face turned hard, and his eyes were emotionless.

Why was he saying this? Why was he telling you these things?

"I'm sorry." He looked down at you again; the hurt returned to his eyes this time. "Do you see how meaningless your apology seems now?"

Finally, he picked up his bag and pushed past you to walk out of the bedroom. Tears streamed down your face rapidly as your chest caved in with heartbreak. You had no one to blame but yourself for how things turned out.

After hearing the front door slam shut, you broke out into an uncontrollable sob. You clawed at your chest as you cradled yourself on the cold wooden floor. What else could you do? You cheated on someone you could've had a great future with for a night of pleasure with Jaemin, someone you had an unhealthy pattern with for years. You made your own bed, and now you had to sleep in it.

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writtenbymkl · 1 year

Text

pairing: best friend!haechan x fem! reader

word count: 1.2k

genres: ANGST , unrequited love, college au, heartbreak, like a lot of it

warnings: none except curse words ig?

a/n: this is a part 1 just to see if i get any feedback to continue with a part 2 ! i wanna see if there’s any positive reactions, it’s been a while since i’ve written a short au instead of smau (´∀｀*)

PART 1 OF GOOD PERSON

After getting a call from Haechan, he now sits in your room, stuffing his face in ice cream. You look at him with a worried face.

“Are you sure... You're okay?” you ask him. He wraps himself in your blanket and continues eating the ice cream you had just gotten him.

“I’m fine,” he mumbles.

You sigh and stride over to the bed to sit next to him. Your heart breaks at the sight of his puffy complexion. Rubbing his back slowly, you think of how to assess the situation sitting right in front of you.

“You know, she wasn’t even worth it,” you speak, attempting to cheer him up a bit.

You and Haechan have been friends since you could recollect, and he’s always had this habit of falling for nearly any girl that swayed his heart. It was difficult picking up the pieces every time a girl stepped on his heart. But he’s your best friend. How could you not help him? And what sucked the most about being by his side was keeping your feelings a secret.

“I really thought she was the one this time. Every time I think they’re the one, something happens,” Haechan sadly says.

“I’m sorry... I know you’ll find the one eventually, Hyuck,” you offer him a gentle smile. And he just weakly smiles back at you, shrugging.

“Can you give me a hug?”

You nod and wrap your arms around him. Slowly patting him on the back as he lets out soft cries.

“Thank you, y/n, you know, you’re such a good person. What did I do to deserve you as my best friend?” Haechan sighs out into your neck. You feel a tug at your heart, not a good one, at the word best friend. You pull back and smile at him.

----------------------

The next day, you and Haechan arrive on campus, and you notice you still have thirty minutes before class starts.

“Hey,” you nudge him. “Do you want coffee from the vending machine before we go to class? We still have thirty minutes to spare” He puts his hands in his pockets and nods.

“Sounds good, thanks.”

Nodding, you head to the vending machine to get both of you coffee. As you type in the numbers in the vending machine, someone covers your view, and all you can see is darkness feeling a pair of cold hands. You yelp and accidentally click the wrong numbers.

“Whoops. Sorry,” a familiar voice says and uncovers your eyes. There goes your coffee, great.

You turn around to see the culprit who messed you up.

“Jaemin, what did I tell you about sneaking up behind me?” you whisper yell at him. He just gives you a lazy smirk.

“Relax,” he draws out. “I’ll buy you a new one.”

“Whatever, what do you want?” you sigh, turning around to get Haechan's coffee. You hear him unzip his bag, digging around to look for some money.

“Just wanted to see how the situation was going,” he says while still looking for money. You grab the coffee that the vending machine gave you and turn to face Jaemin.

“And what situation are you talking about? The one where you scared the shit out of me or the one where your best friend got his heart broken, and you didn't answer his calls?” you ask bluntly while crossing your arms.

“The situation where you're practically in love with him,” Jaemin states handing you over three dollars with his two fingers.

“Y/n’s in love with who now?” You whip your head around so fast to see Haechan standing behind you with a confused face. You turn back to face Jaemin and glare at him. He looks down and starts shuffling backward.

“No one. I’m not in love with anyone,” you rapidly say, handing Haechan his coffee. He takes it, and you feel a shock as his hands lightly ghost over yours.

“Then what was Jaemin just saying?” Haechans asks, raising one eyebrow.

“I... He...” you trail off, trying to come up with an excuse. You look at Jaemin for help.

“Oh, I was just saying how she’s in love with this cat we always visit at this shelter,” Jaemin says, scratching the back of his neck. Haechan suspiciously looks between the two of you and slowly nods.

“Right...”

“Don’t you have somewhere to be, Jaemin?” You say, looking back at him.

“Hm? No? I have a free period-” You glare at him, hinting for him to leave.

“Oh wait, never mind, I forgot I have something to attend. I’ll catch you guys later” You watch as Jaemin winks at you and walks away from you guys.

Sighing, you turn to face Haechan.

“Wanna head to class now?” He gives you a blank face, and you stare back, confused.

“What?” you ask.

“Is there... Something you're not telling me?”

“You know I always tell you everything. There’s nothing for me to hide, you know that,” you tell him while you begin to walk. He follows behind like a puppy.

“Well, duh, I’d be a little upset if you were hiding something. We’re best friends, after all,” Haechan pouts and tosses one arm around your shoulder. You try not to show a reaction.

“That’s the problem,” you mumble under your breath, looking to the side.

“What’d you say?” Haechan asks, bringing his ear closer to you.

“Nothing,” you smile. He nods, and you guys continue to walk to class together. You can’t focus well with his arm wrapped around your shoulder. Finally making it to class, you both take your seats by Mark.

“Yo, you guys finally made it to class,” Mark says, looking at you both.

“Sorry, a little someone decided it would be funny to scare the daylights out of me,” you sigh, thinking back to Na Jaemin.

“Let me guess, Jaemin?” Mark asks. You nod.

“Can’t say I didn’t see it coming, man,” he shrugs. You start pulling out stuff from your backpack.

“Can I borrow a pencil?” Haechan whispers. You take out a writing utensil from your pencil case and hand it over to him.

“Thank you, y/n. What would I ever do without you?” he coos while leaning over to give you a bone-crushing hug.

Mark looks at you both, observing the sweet interaction.

“Dude, has anyone ever told you guys that you look like a couple?” You feel Haechan freeze, and so do you. Feeling a wave of heat on your face, you know you’re blushing as red as a tomato. Taking Haechan’s arms off of you, you let out a laugh.

“Me and Haechan? Don’t be silly. We’re best friends. I think it’s just you, Mark, don’t let him fool you, he’s always like this. You should know his love language is being touchy,” you ramble to ignore the feeling of Haechan’s stare. You don’t dare to face him once, tucking your hair behind your ear.

“Dang, I’m just saying….” Mark shrugs, holding his hands up. There’s a moment of silence.

“I mean, you guys would actually make, like, a really cute couple. I don’t know why Haechan keeps falling in love with all these terrible girls when he has you. Like-“

“Mark. Shut up, will you?” you hear Haechan ask. Mark closes his mouth, and no one talks for the rest of the period.

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sxcret-garden · 2 months

Text

Haechan ღ Painted with You [M]

ღ NCT Dream Haechan x fem!reader ღ feat.: short mentions of Renjun & Jeno ღ words: ~15k ღ genre: college AU, fwb to lovers, exes to lovers, fluff, slice of life, slow burn, pining, reader is a little dense, angst, humor, smut (switch!Haechan (but sub-leaning), oral (both receiving), hair pulling (idol receiving), unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, some begging, fingering, handjob, edging, orgasm denial (idol receiving), dry humping) ღ warnings: alcohol consumption, depiction of anxiety and reader feeling burnt out, mentions of unhealthy coping mechanisms

Desc.: You and Donghyuck were a couple back in high school, each having your own reasons for dating the other, but ultimately what you seeked out in each other was a distraction. Now that you meet again five years later, you both come to realize that the connection between you is still there, and eventually it’s crystal clear that the people you’ve become won’t be as easily separated as back then.

Author's note: aaaa I've had this in my drafts for sooo long avoiding to proofread it cause I wasn't happy with this at all... so now I finally came back to it to edit a bit and I think in the end it turned out quite okay^^ I hope you guys like it 🫶

There’s a hint of victory in the smile he gives you when you sit down next to him. Like he knew it would come to this - that you’d get bored of exchanging mundanities with the others and eventually find yourself drawn to him as your only escape. And it’s not like you didn’t know it too, it was clear from the moment you greeted each other with a hug that lasted shorter than it should have, and at the same time felt more familiar than you wanted it to. Yet his stance is inviting as he turns his whole body towards you in his seat, and the curiousity in his eyes is apparent.

“Long time no see,” he says, and it comes out softer than you would’ve expected it to. And he probably had the same thought, because he’s clearing his throat now, talking more firmly as he continues, “What have you been up to?” The last time you’ve seen each other was at your high school graduation ceremony, and since then it’s been almost five years. Which, as your former class president Renjun had decided, was about enough time to gather for a reunion.

“Well, you know. This and that,” you try to avoid an answer, but of course he wouldn’t let you off the hook so easily. He knows you too well for that.

“Come on,” he snorts. “You can tell me. My time wasn’t spent in a purely productive manner either.”

“You probably spent about 3 years total on just playing video games…” you say with a grin playing on your lips, and you make him huff in disbelief, before his expression as well returns to a somewhat mischievous smile.

“Now that was just tactless,” he says, straightening his back now. “I quit uni to go to work, and then started again with a different major. So now I’m a freshman!” He gives you a peace sign with his hand, sounding a lot prouder about the fact than he should’ve been.

“Feeling like 19 again?” you joke.

“Yes! Everyone automatically assumes I’m their age,” he explains. “But then I tell them I’m older, so I can make them work for me!” An exaggeratedly mischievous laugh follows, and you can only shake your head at his shenanigans.

“You haven’t changed at all,” you say, turning away and facing the bartender working just a few seats away. Originally you were all going out for dinner and nothing more, but when some girls suggested paying a nearby bar a visit, nobody could refuse in the face of getting some booze into their veins. Maybe you aren’t the only one who’s getting fucked over by life.

“One margarita,” you raise your hand and order, then you add, directed at Donghyuck, “Anything for you?”

“Just soju.” And so after placing both your orders, he adds, “Still can’t drink the adult drinks?”

“Excuse you, it has alcohol in it, so it is an adult drink. But if you’re asking if I still hate bitter stuff - yes I do.”

“I see… anyway, I’m not letting you get away without properly answering my question.”

“Too bad,” you respond. “Well…” And then you hesitate. You remember what it was like between the two of you in high school. When you were dating, each for your own reasons and certainly not because you had feelings for each other. But he still felt like a friend you could entrust your deepest feelings with - you knew each other like the back of your own hand. And yet, you find yourself hesitating in the face of five years passed by without a word from the other. It wasn’t like you had a fight or broke up on bad terms. It’s just that you both agreed it would be better not to see each other again, for reasons that seemed smart at the time. But now that you’re looking at the person he’s become and how much he seems to have grown up, you’re not sure anymore what those reasons even were.

“That bad?” Donghyuck interrupts your train of thought as he raises an eyebrow at you, and when you shake your head a short laugh escapes him.

“No, just… I’m also still in university,” you say. “I had to take a year off, so I’m trying to finish everything now. It’s not going great though.”

“Oh…” he looks away, directing his gaze at his hands that he’s hiding in the sleeves of his knitted sweater. “Are you managing though?” And that’s when you suddenly feel the past and the present connect - the way he immediately becomes serious when the situation calls for it, just like he has always done, makes you feel safe to keep speaking, and to keep your heart open, just for a bit.

“It’s… difficult,” you admit. The bartender sets down your ordered drinks, causing another pause, and you acknowledge it with a nod. “I’m trying not to do too much, but you know what’s it like living here.”

“Yeah,” he says. “That fucked you over before, didn’t it?”

“Yeah.” You fall silent after that, but not for long. Your conversation partner is Donghyuck after all, he wouldn’t let an awkward silence get too long.

“I have changed… by the way.” You raise your eyebrows at him as he speaks those words, letting the sip of your cocktail slowly trickle down your throat.

“Have you?” you ask. “Well, I mean… you’ve grown up.”

“Oh?” Suddenly seeing him straightening his back as he’s overjoyed, you can’t but giggle at the way his face is graced with a beaming smile now, but he glosses it over with a cough and a sip of his soju.

“But you sure are still the same guy,” you add, a nostalgic smile on your lips.

“I guess,” he agrees, his features softening. Another pause falls upon you as you give your cocktail another taste, and this time it’s you who breaks the silence. Continuously chatting, you’re starting to feel a little tipsy from the sweet beverage after a while.

“I heard you got a girlfriend?” Donghyuck huffs, a wide smile meant to hide a bitter feeling appearing on his face.

“Yeah…”

“What about her?” you pry, sensing something off.

“Dumped me,” he simply says, then pointing across the room and at Jeno, one of your former classmates. “For that guy.”

“Ouch.”

“It’s whatever,” he shrugs it off, pouring himself another glass and offering the shot to you instead. “You sure you don’t want any?”

“I’d rather have my own drink, thanks.”

“Alright. Then cheers.” He downs the shot, grimacing at the taste, and when he sets the glass back down, he adds, “I don’t get why she went for him anyway. I bet it’s cause of all that muscle he got.” You can’t help but chuckle at his words, and you hit his upper arm playfully.

“You should hit the gym too and then see if you can get her back.”

“Very funny,” he replies dryly. “I’d rather die.”

“Understandable…” you reply, taking another sip of your drink as well. “So… you’re probably glad I finally came to you.” Donghyuck shoots you a questioning look and you explain yourself. “For a distraction. Like in the old days, you know?”

“Ahh…” He merely lets out a sound, before staring at his empty shot glass.

“You’re not doing that anymore?” you assume.

“I guess.”

“Yeah… me too,” you say. “Or like… I stopped using people for it.”

You were dating back then, that’s true, but you wouldn’t go as far as to call yourselves high school sweethearts. You were both going through some stuff - for him it was a breakup with his first love, for you it was just life itself. When you were both at your lowest you started talking properly, and it soon became clear that you both wanted nothing more than to escape. And so you formed an alliance - as you used to call it, to everyone else you simply said that you were a couple now. You did behave like a couple, but just for the rush. The first time you held his hand you felt nothing, but when you made out secretly in the backyard of your school instead of attending class, that’s when you were overwhelmed with excitement. It was a stupid idea, you know that now too, and it only worked for so long. You spent the summer of your junior year together, meeting up almost every day and talking, and eventually distracting yourselves by making out secretly in your or his room. And then your final year came, and as you started seeing yourselves forced to take life a bit more seriously, you gradually met up less, until you both agreed that breaking up would be the best decision, so that you could focus on your studies and try to get into a good university. At least for your part, you still have mixed feelings when you remember that day. Because you know you made the adult decision, but at the same time you always end up thinking back to what fooling around with him felt like when you have a bad day now, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t miss it at least a bit. But you found other distractions - obsessing over tv series, finding just the perfect kind of music to drown out your feelings, and sometimes, whenever you could find a good excuse to drink with friends, alcohol. Though you’re being careful with the latter, just as you are now. One drink is usually enough to help you relax a bit and not pay all the things stressing you out so much thought.

“So when are we gonna start writing your redemption arc?” you ask nonchalantly, and he raises an eyebrow at you. “Your ex.”

“Stop that, for real,” he says, and the way he remains serious tells you your joke wasn’t well received.

“Sorry,” you utter.

“It’s fine. I mean, it’s not fine, but you know what I mean.”

“Yeah.” He’s playing with the glass in his hands, thumb rubbing along its edge as he keeps staring at it, and you take the last few sips of your drink, before you too start spinning the cocktail glass around between your fingers.

“Actually…” Donghyuck speaks up, now throwing you an entirely different look. “How about we get out of here. Maybe we could both use a distraction after all.”

“But-”

“Just for today.” You stare at him blankly, blinking once, twice, then a third time. This sounds like a bad idea, but at the same time you know you’re probably not gonna see each other for the next five years, just like it was for the past five. So what would be so bad about taking his offer now?

“Alright,” you say eventually, having made up your mind. “My place? It’s nearby.” His lips are parted slightly as he watches you jump out of your seat and put on your jacket. As the air around you changes, so does the look in his eyes, and a moment later he gets up too, his arm wrapped loosely around your waist while he holds the door open for you as he walks you out of the place.

“You really have changed,” you comment as you’re sneaking out, so none of the others would notice, and you giggle at your unnecessary secrecy once you’re past the entrance to the building.

“I can be a gentleman too!” he insists. “Of course a high school boy wouldn’t think of that.” You catch the pout that forms on his lips as he adds the last part, and you inevitably laugh, pointing at his face.

“But you’re also really still the same.”

You decide on going to your place, as it’s nearby, and you take a taxi there. Though you know this is only going to be a one time thing, neither of you seems to be in a rush. You take the elevator to the sixth floor, grinning at each other in silence the entire ride - maybe because this reminds the both of you a bit too much of the way you used to sneak off together all the time back in school. But once you arrive at your apartment, the atmosphere between you somehow changes, and as you’re walking over to your little kitchen to offer him a drink, he stops you, wrapping his arm around your waist. His touch is firm now, and he comes to a halt when he’s standing right in front of you, closer than a friend would, but leaving more distance between you than a lover would, and keeping his voice lowered, he asks,

“So… are we going to go right to the distraction part? Or do we need to pretend that we still need to warm up to each other first?” You find him staring at your lips, then returning his gaze to your eyes as he waits patiently for your response. And you don’t manage to come up with anything smart to say to him, so you simply take a step forward, wrapping your arms loosely around his shoulders, and you kiss him. His lips feel soft, just like you remember them, melting against yours perfectly. Yet there’s a firmness to his kiss that feels new to you. He used to always kiss you with eagerness, too much of it at times, impatient to feel more of you and for you to take control. It was no secret between you two that he actually quite enjoyed being put into his place by you, and now that there’s no such intentions apparent behind the way he moves his lips against yours, you find yourself having your breath taken away by the time you part.

“You really did grow up well…” you mutter, barely an inch apart. “Did your ex teach you to kiss like that?”

“Watch your mouth, Y/N,” he mutters darkly, another side of him that’s not exactly new to you, but one that you haven’t seen a lot in the past. And then he simply brushes his lips against yours again, softly and with care, quite in contrast to his sharp words. “I don’t wanna ruin this with thoughts about people I don’t know anymore.”

“Right…” you whisper, and before you can add a mumbled apology, he presses his lips to yours again. In between short kisses that inevitably leave you longing for more, he steers you closer to the wall behind you, until he has you trapped against it. Your shoulders meet the cold surface gently, and as you’re slowly getting to know this different side of him, you feel yourself being swept off your feet like he never knew how to.

One of his hands resting on your waist, his fingertips creep towards your hip as you’re sharing an open mouthed kiss. A moan escapes you when he presses you up against the wall closer, and as he slowly parts from you, you can see the playful grin showing on his face now.

“You changed too,” he comments, and again he closes the distance between you without giving you a chance to question his words. Your hands finding their way up into his short hair, your fingers get tangled with the strands and you carefully tug at them as he deepens this kiss as well. He’s kissing you slowly as you let him have the lead naturally, and as you keep making out like this, you eventually find yourself burning up whole under his touch. He moves from your mouth to your neck eventually, and you lean your head back with a deep sigh as he begins scattering hot kisses all over the area. His hand that’s been propped up against the wall now finds the back of your nape to support you, and when he comes back up, he whispers a question,

“Do we keep going like we used to? Or do you wanna go all the way this time?” Drunk on his kisses, you pull him in for another one on the mouth, and as you part you mutter,

“We’re not kids anymore. Let’s go all the way.” You step aside and he lets you, and you reach for his hands to walk him over to your couch. Giving him a push, he lets himself fall back onto the sofa, leaning against the backrest as his curious gaze never leaves you. “Don’t need this anymore…” you mumble as you pull off your shirt and throw it somewhere onto the ground, and then you crawl into his lap to straddle him. His hands find purchase on your hips immediately as he looks up at you with warm eyes. You cup his face in your hands and you lean in, capturing his lips in a teasing kiss. Sinking your teeth into his bottom lip, you lure a breathy moan out of him, and wanting to hear more, you keep kissing him like that. Feathery touches that would for sure make him want more eventually become overshadowed by you rolling his hips on top of him, and with each time he lets you hear his voice you become more eager. It’s almost as if you’ve become the one who can’t wait, and he’s the one acting with patience.

“Never knew you could turn me on this much,” he mutters as you pull back, moving your hips at a leisurely pace. You can undoubtedly feel the bulge in his pants, and it’s certainly not leaving you unaffected.

“I grew up too, Hyuck,” you say, and then you bury your face in his neck. You kiss a trail up to the spot right below his ear as he leans back, and his hands wander up your sides and to your back when you start nibbling on his skin.

“Mhm… you did, hm?” he answers. He finds the clasp of your bra and undoes it, and as the piece of clothing slides down your arms, you sit back so he can take it off you and fling it to the ground as well, somewhere in the general direction of where your shirt should be. He holds onto your sides as he takes in the sight in front of him, and as he draws closer to connect his lips to the skin on your chest, you can hear him saying,

“I know I never told you this as a boy but you look beautiful. I really regret not saying that to you.” He kisses his way up from the valley of your breasts to your throat and then back to your mouth, and just before he can connect his lips to yours, you whisper,

“It’s fine. I might’ve actually fallen for you if you had done that.” You laugh, and he does too, but his grin has a different meaning to it than yours.

“Don’t say that. We don’t want anything unfortunate to happen.” Connecting his lips to yours, he runs his tongue across them to ask for permission to enter, and without protest you let him deepen the kiss.

“Now you’re the one who said it,” you mumble a response in between kisses. “That’s a stupid thought anyway.”

“Right.” His fingertips dance south along your spine, and he eventually tugs at your pants as a sign that he wants those off as well. And so you peel yourself out of his hold, and while you’re discarding your jeans, he slips out of his shirt, and both clothing items land somewhere on the floor, soon to be forgotten. He makes you lie down flat on the couch as he crawls on top of you, and when he leaves a trail of small kisses up your torso, one of his hands finds its way to your hips, thumb hooking under the fabric of your panties.

“These too,” he says. “I want these off too.” You give him the okay to take them off as you comb your fingers through his hair once, and as soon as he’s gotten rid of the last piece of clothing on your body, he lowers himself to let his lips draw a map of your figure. Feeling his warm hands against your sides, you let out a sigh as you lean your head back and you close your eyes for a bit, just enjoying the way his kisses feel against your skin. Your hands fly to his hair again, and you find yourself massaging his scalp as he’s slowly going down on you. You let him lift your legs up onto his shoulders eventually, and when he buries his face between your legs, you can’t but let out a small moan. Tongue lapping at your folds, he hums at your taste, and then he wraps his lips around your clit, sucking on it gently.

“That feel good?” he asks, slurring his words a bit, and you nod, tugging at the strands of hair between your fingers.

“Yeah. Keep going…” And so he does, alternating between teasing you with his lips and the tip of his tongue, and when he retrieves one hand to slide his fingers inside you, he comments,

“So wet for me, hm?”

“Y-yeah…” You can unmistakably feel the knot in your stomach being tied tighter with every single touch of his, and when he pumps his fingers in and out of you at a frustratingly slow pace, you find yourself begging for more. “Faster… p-please…” Donghyuck simply hums at your plea, before he obliges, curling his fingers inside you just a little faster. Gradually picking up on speed, the way he flicks his tongue against your clit along with the waves of pleasure that run through your body with each time he hits that sweet spot inside you make you slowly lose your mind, and you let him know just how good he’s making you feel by moaning in tune with his movements.

“Don’t stop… please don’t stop…” you mewl as you look down on yourself to find him already gazing back up at you, observing all of your reactions closely through half-lidded eyes. Just a few more repetitions and he’s throwing you over the edge, making you clench around his fingers as you throw your head back with a moan. “Fuck…” you mutter after he pulls out of you carefully, and he crawls back up to kiss you on the lips. You can taste yourself on his tongue as you share a lazy kiss, and once you part, you place your palms on his chest to push him off you.

“Your turn,” you simply state as you sit up and you make some space so you can comfortably kneel in front of the sofa. Getting the message, he hurriedly rids himself of his pants and boxers, and when he sits down in front of you, you don’t waste another second to wrap your fingers around his length. Giving him a few strokes, he’s fully hard in no time, and he watches as he leans back, enjoying the attention.

“You really have no patience anymore, huh,” he mutters, and you lick your lips before returning his gaze.

“Want me to torture you a bit? Make you beg for it? I can do that too.”

“I can beg if you want me to,” he retorts, the confident expression not being wiped off his face so easily, and you decide to keep that piece of information in mind. Just in case. But for now you’re not planning on making him wait - he’s right, you’ve become impatient, and you’re dying to know what kind of sounds you might lure out of him with his dick in your mouth. You swirl your tongue around his tip a few times, watching him part his lips slightly as he lets you hear a deep sigh and a praise directed at you. “That’s right…” he mutters, and when you take his tip into your mouth fully, he lets you hear a moan so sweet, you swear you could cum just from the sound of it. Slowly bobbing your head up and down and having your hand that’s wrapped around his base follow those same movements, you enjoy the way he keeps moaning at your ministrations, until eventually you hum in approval and he whines from the pleasure.

“Fuck…” A curse escapes him when his tip hits the back of your throat and you gag a little, and you find yourself amused at how easy it is to make a guy whine as soon as you have him in a position like this. You go painfully slow, but he takes all of your teasing, and just when you start feeling bad for him because of how desperate his moans are, you speed up, making sure to take him in as far as you can.

“Shit, Y/N…” he calls out to you. “Wait-”

“Hm?” You come up at his words, letting him slip out of your mouth.

“Wanna cum in your pussy…” The request makes you grin.

“So demanding…” you mutter, shooting him a challenging look.

“Please…” he tries to convince you, his pupils shaking as he’s awaiting your answer. But you’ve already made up your mind on how you’re going to proceed, and so you merely throw him a grin, before taking him back into your mouth. He throws his head back at you sucking him off at a faster pace now, probably in a mixture of frustration and pleasure, and as more curses fall from his lips along with your name, you know he’s close. You hum at his desperation and at the way he’s twitching in your hand while he’s bucking his hips up into your touch, and the next time you’re sinking all the way down on him, he cums with a moan. You try to swallow everything as he releases into your mouth, and when you let go of him you lick your lips to get the rest of it too, all while he watches with a hazy mind. And then you crawl into his lap, leaving a trail of kisses down the side of his throat, and eventually you say,

“Why not both?” You grab his face in one hand, gaze falling to his lips, and before he can say anything you kiss him to cut off his train of thought. “We have so much time tonight…” you mutter against his lips in between kisses, and he merely lets out small moans at your words. “We can do all the things we want. But let’s move somewhere more comfortable first.” And so you hurriedly walk over to your bedroom, Donghyuck pushing you against the mattress as soon as you’re there, and he doesn’t waste a single second to kiss you again. His lips nipping at your collarbones, you throw your arms around him, until finally you switch positions again, and you end up sitting on top of him, sinking down on his hard cock and biting your lower lip from how good it feels to be filled up like this.

“Fuck…” Now it’s you who’s cursing, fingers intertwined with his as you’re pinning his hands down to keep yourself stable. You know he’s drinking up the sight in front of him as you start slowly riding him, and the way he looks at you only turns you on more.

“Shit, you look so pretty like this…” he mumbles, completely taken aback, and he sits up, freeing his hands to hold onto your sides instead. “Can I kiss you?”

“You’re asking that now?” you chuckle as you wrap your arms around his shoulders and he lets out a short laugh as he too realizes how ridiculous his question was.

“You’re right,” he mutters, leaning in. “Then I’ll just kiss you whenever I want.” A rush of heat courses through your body as he presses his lips against yours, and you roll your hips on top of him just a little faster.

“Please do,” you whisper, barely audible, before Donghyuck closes the distance between you again. You take your time making out, until both of you feel that you’re coming close again, and with one hand between your bodies, he starts rubbing your clit for you as you keep your pace.

“I’ll help you,” he whispers, unable to take his eyes off your face as you’re both completely drunk on the other’s touches.

“Mhm…” you moan, chasing your own high on top of him. You’re the first one who comes undone, digging your nails into his shoulders and burying your face in the crook of his neck as your high shakes you.

“Don’t stop, Y/N…” His words sound desperate, and you do your best to keep moving despite feeling the overstimulation building up. He has both his hands on your back now, and you let out a moan when you feel him dragging his nails down to your hips. “Shit…!” Spitting out a curse, he releases inside you, and finally you come to a halt. You stay in your positions for a while, waiting until your heartbeats have returned to a normal pace in each other’s arms, before you both lie down side by side, out of breath and grinning at the other.

“Didn’t think you’d get that good without me…” he mutters a comment.

“Hey!” you shout playfully. “What was I supposed to do if you just disappear on me like that?”

“You didn’t contact me either,” he tries to defend himself, but you both know it was him who stopped replying to your messages, even though your conversations were already scarce after graduating. For now you decide to say nothing - your mind filled with bliss from what your night out ended up turning into, you wouldn’t want to ruin the mood. Instead, he’s the one to break the silence.

“Wanna keep going?” he asks, scooting over closer to you and making you lie flat on your back, kissing a trail down your jawline and placing a hand on top of your stomach. “I wanna keep going,” he adds, more silently, as his fingers are already wandering south.

“Alright,” you mutter, your hand up in his hair again as he drags his fingers down your folds, dipping inside once and then coming back up to your clit to draw circles onto it. “If I walk weird tomorrow it’s your fault,” you add, laughing.

“You just made me wanna see that,” he jokes back, before pressing a kiss to the side of your throat and letting his fingers take care of you.

You keep in touch after that, texting each other throughout the day - even on those days where you barely find the time or energy to be social, you’ll at least send some memes back and forth - and meeting up whenever you both have some free time. It really feels like you’re continuing right where you had left off five years ago whenever you find yourselves unable to stop laughing because of your own bickering, or when you’re sitting side by side, having a more serious conversation and simply offering an open ear to the other. And at the same time something about the way you treat each other has undoubtedly changed. Of course you both grew up and you’re more mature than you were as high school students, but it seems there’s something else lingering in the air during every interaction you have, you just can’t really put your finger on what that is.

You also keep meeting up to have sex.

“So? What does that make us?” you ask a question into the dimly lit room, staring up at the ceiling. You’re both lying side by side on his bed, the sheets beneath you messed up as evidence of what you’ve been doing, and the chilly air in the room hitting your skin lets you cool down a bit.

“What? This?” Donghyuck asks, turning his head so he could look at you.

“Yeah,” you respond. “We’re not just friends if we’re constantly hooking up, are we?” Your words are accompanied by a chuckle, meant to tell him that you’re not being as serious as you sound. Or maybe you are, but mostly because your other friends keep asking where you’re sneaking off so frequently these days, and why you don’t seem to have the time to meet up with them anymore. And everytime you tell them you’re seeing a different friend, a part of you feels like you’re lying. Maybe that’s because they’ve stopped believing you too, and they keep urging you on to finally admit that you’re dating someone. But you’re not dating Donghyuck, right?

“Fuckbuddies?” He rolls onto his side, head supported by his hand, and he gives you a mischievous look.

“I guess,” you say, and after some consideration you add, “My friends keep asking who I’m meeting all the time. They think I have a boyfriend.”

“Well, what does it feel like when you kiss me?” You’re too stunned to speak for a moment, not expecting him to pose such a serious question.

“I mean… you’re a good kisser?” You grin at him, rolling onto your side as well so you could face him, and as you’re drawing near, he’s already reaching out to capture your chin between his thumb and index finger.

“That’s all?”

“I think so.” He lets his lips brush against yours, puffy and reddened from making out earlier, and you feel warmth wrap around you. You also feel safe with him, but that’s not exclusively related to him kissing you, so you don’t feel the need to mention it.

“Then I can’t be your boyfriend,” he mutters when you part.

“So friends… with benefits then?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, great,” you say, letting yourself fall onto your back, sinking into the mattress. “I can’t go around telling my friends that I’m seeing a fuckbuddy.” Your friend giggles beside you.

“I mean you don’t have to,” he says. “If it’s easier to explain, you can just pretend you’re seeing a boyfriend. I don’t mind.”

“I wonder…” you mumble, more to yourself than to him. “Then they’ll want to meet you, so… anyway.” You sit up, letting your feet dangle off the side of the bed. “I’m kinda hungry. You wanna order something?”

“I’ll make us some ramen. But we should shower first.” He sits up as well, and when you throw him a look over your shoulder, he cocks his head to the side, giving you another grin. “Together?” You laugh at his suggestion.

“You just want another round in there, don’t you? We’re never gonna get food in that case. I’m going alone.”

“Awww…” he whines in defeat and it makes you smile. You crawl closer to him, placing a peck onto his pouting lips.

“We kiss an awful lot for fuckbuddies, though,” you remark, and then you get up.

“I don’t think we’re kissing nearly enough…” he mumbles an answer. Amused by his words, you shoot him another glance, and then you trot off to the bathroom.

“You free Friday night?” You glance at your phone screen when it lights up to quickly read Donghyuck’s message that you just received, and as you let out a sigh, you return your focus to the notebook in front of you. Skimming through your handwritten notes from the lecture you visited every wednesday afternoon a year ago still gives you anxiety - you’re not sure what more you’re supposed to study than this and the materials displayed on your laptop screen, and yet you don’t feel nearly prepared enough. You’re in your last semester - or at least you’re planning for this to be the last one - and you finally forced yourself to register for the exam you keep postponing because you horribly failed it the first time. The worst part is that it’s an oral exam, so no turning back once you’ve answered (or not answered) a question, even if a better response comes to you later on during the exam. And you hate that, because you know your brain tends to black out in stressful situations, and panicking while you’re supposed to recite your knowledge on a complicated topic doesn’t exactly help with that. You tear your eyes away from the materials eventually, taking another sip of your coffee and then picking up your phone off the small round dinner table in your flat.

“Sorry, I don’t have time then ㅠㅠ” You press send, and it doesn’t take long for your friend to reply.

“On the weekend? I’m busy Saturday but Sunday is fine!!”

“I don’t think I can make time until Tuesday. Sorry. Difficult exam coming up…”

“Then you should take a break!! I’m sure you’ve been studying all day” He’s not wrong with his assumption, but still you can’t bring yourself to set aside a few hours to fool around with him. You wouldn’t be able to relax and truly get the exam off your mind anyway, so you refuse again, even if it hurts you.

It’s been like this for a while now. The last time you’ve seen Donghyuck’s face was almost three weeks ago - after that university and sending job applications have taken up all your free time, and the few hours you had in between to rest you simply spent alone in the comfort of your own apartment, feeling too exhausted to even consider making plans with someone else. You know it might do you good to get out more for other things than going to uni, but at the same time you know you simply don’t have the energy right now - or you would’ve already scheduled a meetup with friends. It sucks, and you’re hoping for some space to breathe in between your schedules sometime soon, but at the same time you know you will be busy with uni until your graduation, and from then on you’ll be busy getting accustomed to work and proving yourself there. And the more you think about it, the more it starts to dawn on you that things will likely not change in the near future, and that somehow the life of a freshman and that of a senior don’t really match well at all.

But you brush those thoughts off for now. The last thing you need right now is a distraction, and so you get back to revising the contents for the exam.

And then comes Sunday afternoon, and you can feel the panic coursing through your veins as if you were about to suffocate from it any second now. You’ve always had some kind of exam anxiety, but it’s never been this bad, and you have absolutely no idea what to do with it except endure and hope that tomorrow will pass quickly. That’s when your phone buzzes to let you know you’ve gotten a message, and what you see when you open the chat room tips you over the edge.

“This would’ve been more fun if we had watched it together~” - along with a picture of a laptop screen showing the credits of a movie, the interior of Donghyuck’s flat showing in the background. Your hands are shaking as you read his message, your head spinning because suddenly the stress and a feeling of helplessness overwhelms you. You end up doing the first thing that comes to mind - you call him. He picks up after the first ring.

“Jealous?” he teases you, and you stay quiet, your words suddenly stuck in your throat. Hearing only your ragged breathing, he sounds serious when he continues talking after a few moments of silence. “Are you okay?”

“No.”

“What’s up? Wanna talk about it?”

“...the exam…”

“Ahh… you’re freaking out because of it?”

“Y-yeah…” Tears well up in your eyes, but you fight hard to keep them from falling. You know if you start crying now, chances are you won’t be able to talk properly in order to explain yourself to him. “I studied everything but I don’t feel like it’s enough… I have no idea how I’m supposed to pass tomorrow…” A sob escapes you at the end of it, and Donghyuck doesn’t hesitate to answer,

“I’ll come over. Just wait for me and hold tight, I’ll be there in 30.”

And so that’s what he does. He doesn’t even give you the time to refuse when he hangs up, and sure enough roughly 30 minutes later he’s at your doorstep. Putting down his bags and taking off his shoes, the first thing he does is pull you into a tight hug.

“Come here,” whispered against the side of your head as he’s already holding you close, he hugs you until he can feel some of the tension leaving your body. When he finally lets you go, he picks up a paper bag he brought with him, holding it out to you and you take it from him. “I bought them on the way. I thought you could use some comfort food.” A glance inside the bag reveals a box decorated with the logo of your favourite bakery.

“Oh my god… thank you!” you exclaim, and you give him another hug as he lets out a bit of an awkward laugh.

“Ah, it’s fine, it’s nothing. Let’s have these while we go over your materials together, okay?”

“Huh?” You take a step back and raise your eyebrows at him.

“I came to help you study. So you can kick ass tomorrow!” Throwing a fist in the air in a victorious gesture, you cringe a bit at his childlike enthusiasm, but at the same time you feel thankful. Like you had been in free fall for the past days and finally someone came to catch you.

“Okay,” you accept his offer to help, and then you walk over to the small table in your living room where your laptop and your notes are scattered all over. Briefly organizing them, you skim through them together, and when you’ve reached the end of it, Donghyuck starts asking you random questions related to the topic that he can come up with. And with every question that you manage to answer, you feel just a little calmer, until you’ve gone through everything several times and it’s long dark outside.

“You’re gonna do well tomorrow,” the guy sitting next to you tells you, throwing his hand up in the air to do some stretching and you do the same, your body aching for a bit of movement after sitting down for hours.

“You think so?”

“Of course!” He seems almost offended at you doubting yourself now. “Look at all these things you memorized perfectly! You’re gonna be just fine.”

“You’re right…” you mutter. “I do feel more confident now.” Yet, you let your head hang.

“But…?” he asks.

“But… I know by the time the exam starts tomorrow I’ll be so nervous, I might forget everything…” He reaches for your hands, taking them into his and giving both of them a gentle squeeze as he looks intently at your face.

“Then you think about how well you just did and how long we just spent repeating everything you studied. With this much preparation, there’s no way you would fail.” You know that realistically speaking, that’s not necessarily true, but you decide to believe him for now. Putting trust into his words puts you at ease, so that’s what you’re going to do.

“Alright,” you say. “It’ll be fine.”

“Of course it will,” he says, laughing as if he had not a single doubt about it.

“But…”

“Another but?”

“It’s almost 2am,” you say.

“Oh.”

“Wanna stay over? It takes you ages to get home if you have to take the night buses, right?”

“It’s fine, I’ll just take a taxi,” he replies, adding, “I don’t wanna stress you out more by staying over.”

“No, I-” All the times you felt yourself forced to turn down his invitations to meet up during the past few weeks are suddenly fresh in your memory, and eventually you manage to say, “I’d actually be thankful if you could stay over… you know… keep the bad thoughts away…”

“Sure…” he responds, and growing very quiet suddenly, he gets up to wrap you into another hug. “I’ll stay.”

You each take a shower and get ready for bed, him throwing on some of his clothes you had lying around at your place anyway, and when you get under the sheets together, it feels different than usually when you sleep in the same bed. Neither of you has any thoughts about having sex for a change, and instead he simply pulls you close to let you rest your head on top of his chest. You wrap an arm around his waist as you listen to his heartbeat, already feeling sleepiness overcome you as you snuggle up to him and you can feel him drawing mindless patterns onto your skin. You feel a sense of peace and safety washing over you when your eyelids simply fall shut, and as you fall asleep you almost don’t register the way he presses a soft kiss onto your forehead.

When you open the email telling you that you got a C on your exam, the first thing you can think of doing is letting Donghyuck know.

“I passed!!!” You send him a message, and he surely doesn’t let you wait too long for an answer, along with a little sticker of a bear wearing a gold medal and giving a thumbs up.

“I told you so!!”

“It’s all thanks to you,” you write. “We need to go celebrate! Drinks on me.”

“Sounds good~”

With a broad smile on your face you put your phone into the pocket of your padded jacket. It has become cold outside, and there’s a thin layer of snow on the streets from last night. It’s the beginning of December, and before Christmas and new years you’re still going to be very busy. You have two job interviews coming up, have to prepare for your final exams and in between you should find some time to work on your dissertation. Still somehow you’re confident that you would easily be able to find a date where you can go out for your little celebration with your friend, but when you run into him on campus a week later, reality hits you right in the face.

“Y/N!” Donghyuck calls out to you as he spots you among a bunch of other students, and you fall behind to briefly talk to him.

“Oh, hi,” you say, not having seen him at all.

“You still didn’t reply to my messages,” he remarks and you immediately pull out your phone, indeed finding that you’ve left him on read two days ago.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” you apologize as you remember that you clearly had the intent to respond to him, but then very obviously failed to do so. “Ah, if we can meet… today?”

“Yesterday,” he corrects you. “But I guess that didn’t happen…” You can unmistakably see the disappointment in his expression, even though he’s doing his utmost to hide it, and you furrow your brows at the sight in front of you.

“I’m sorry… I must’ve forgotten to reply while studying or something,” you say, unable to look him in the face. “You know, finals coming up.”

“Yeah… I’m studying a lot too these days,” he says, quickly adding, “But I guess as a senior it’s only natural that you’re even busier than I am.” His words sting for some reason, but it’s not like he’s wrong. Truth be told, you’ve been studying every free minute for the past few days, and in between you had a job interview that you don’t have the best of gut feelings about. You were so busy that you barely manage to have three meals a day, and yet you feel guilty about not being able to make time for him.

“I’m really sorry, Hyuck…” you say and he mutters an “it’s okay” as an answer. “But it’s not, is it?” To that he merely glances to the side, showing a sorry smile. And right then you have an idea. “You know what?” As you reach out to take his hand into yours, he raises his eyebrows at you, taken by surprise by your sudden action. “Let’s set a date right now. Then we don’t have to worry about me forgetting to reply or something.”

“But… that won’t change the fact that you’re super busy…” he reasons, but you cut him off.

“It’s fine, I should be able to spare at least a few hours,” you say, opening your calendar app on your phone and scrolling through the days until exam week starts. “How about next Friday? Friday night sounds like a good time for a little study break and having a celebration instead.”

“S-sure.” You barely notice how he’s atypically dumbfounded at your enthusiasm, only focusing on the fact that you finally found a date to see each other again.

“Great! My place or yours?” you ask, already typing it into your phone.

“Mine… you wanna bring the drinks? Then I’ll take care of the food,” he offers, now taking his phone out as well, probably to put the meet up into his calendar as well.

“Sounds good,” you say in a rush. “Then I’ll see you Friday! Sorry, but… I really have to go now. I was gonna study some more at the library - you coming too?”

“Ah, no, I… have class in half an hour,” he explains briefly, and as you wave your goodbyes and you’re already running off, you fail to notice how his shoulders are suddenly slouched over and there’s a hint of disappointment in the way he looks at you as you’re walking away.

You sigh as you stare at the email you just received, and you immediately regret even checking your mailbox in the middle of studying in the first place. You got rejected for the last job you applied to - but at least you should be thankful that they let you know about it in the first place, right? After all, the last two companies didn’t even do that much after your interview with them. You gulp, trying to swallow all the disappointment bubbling up inside and attempting to shove it back down to where it came from, and then eventually you cross your arms on the table, resting your head on top and you close your eyes for a while. Another sigh escapes you, and you feel the weight of your responsibilities lay heavily on your shoulders. You’re trying not to beat yourself up over not having found a job for after your graduation yet - you know that everyone’s struggling with finding employment these days. But you really don’t want to take on a job you’re overqualified for, or one that’s not in your field of studies at all. You’ve already made too many compromises because of this, like being willing to move to another city for your job, or expanding on what type of positions you’re applying to. And still, nothing. It’s starting to get to you, even though you hate that it is, and even though you had told yourself to focus on your exams and your dissertation first and foremost. But all of these things stacked on top of each other have led you to lose your spark a bit, and there’s no denying you’re starting to feel burnt out.

You tell yourself it’s fine, it will pass and eventually your life will get less stressful again. But for now you can feel that you’re at your limit, and you could really use some comfort.

“Right,” you mutter to yourself, lifting your head and looking at the date displayed in the bottom corner of your laptop screen. “Only a few hours to go. Then I can see him.” It’s Friday afternoon, and so you take a deep breath and bring yourself to study some more, before you can finally go to Donghyuck’s place, spending a full evening not having to think about any of this. Burying your head in your books and your lecture notes, you end up not realizing how fast the time is passing, and next time you check the clock, it’s already past 7.

“Oh god…” you quickly pick up your phone, seeing that your friend already sent you a message asking where you are. You were scheduled to be at his place at 7, but somehow you completely lost track of time.

“I’m so sory I didn’t realize hwo late is is. Ill hurry!!” You type up that message as quickly as possible, ignoring the typos as you send it, and then you jump out of your seat to get ready.

It’s almost 8pm when he opens the door for you and you apologize first thing as you hand him the tote bag with the alcohol you had promised to bring.

“Ah, but you thought of the important stuff,” he says with a forced smile, trying to brighten the mood a bit before he invites you in and you kick off your shoes and take off your coat to follow him inside.

“I’m really really sorry,” you say once again when you’ve made yourself comfortable on his couch. “I was studying and suddenly it was already this late…”

“It’s okay,” Donghyuck says as he carries over two glasses from the kitchen, handing you one of them. “We’re both busy, it’s not like I don’t understand.”

“But you’re upset.”

“A little,” he admits without looking you in the eyes, and when he continues talking, he does his best to sound cheerful. “But let’s not let that ruin the entire evening. We were both looking forward to today, right?”

“Yeah,” you say. “You won’t believe how glad I am to finally be here,” you add, and you feel the way your body relaxes just by being near him. You earn yourself a bright smile for that comment, before he lifts up the glass in his hand.

“I found the recipe for this a few days ago and wanted to try it,” he says. “I thought it’s your style.” You find a few ice cubes swimming in the beverage he handed you, along with a slice of lemon. The color is a dark shade of yellow at the bottom, and completely transparent at the top, and you nod at the presentation.

“It looks good,” you say. “I’ll try it. Cheers!” Each taking a sip, you agree that you like the taste, and the guy sitting next to you on his sofa explains,

“The recipe says you should put a bit of mint in as well, but… I didn’t have any.”

“I think it’s good the way it is… but, I’m starving. Let’s order food?”

“Me too,” he answers, getting out his phone.

You order takeout, and while you eat and drink, you watch a movie that you’ve both been wanting to see for some time. You end up chatting here and there during less interesting scenes, and even though you enjoy the movie overall, you enjoy talking to him more. Eventually, as your eyelids begin to feel heavy, you rest your head on his shoulder and he lets you, and you don’t think anything of the peaceful smile he gives you upon feeling you so close to him. He puts one of his hands on top of your thigh, mindlessly rubbing his palm up and down, and by the end of the movie you can’t deny anymore that his actions are affecting you. Credits still rolling, you turn your head to face him, and wordlessly you kiss him, his lips melting against yours. You part for a mere second in which you put your hand behind his neck, and as you let yourself fall against the backrest of his sofa, he hovers above you, distance closing again.

“Hyuck…” you breathe his name when you part the next time. “Need you…”

“Let’s go somewhere more comfortable,” he mutters into a sweet kiss, and then he gets up, taking you by your hands to pull you up along with him. As soon as you step into the bedroom you pull him in for another kiss, and you stumble backwards as he steers you towards his bed. He barely lets you lie down when he’s already on top of you, kissing you more deeply. Tongue running across your lip to ask for permission to enter, you allow it without hesitation, and you moan at the way he kisses you slowly but passionately.

“I’ll take care of you,” he says after parting, “just lean back, okay?”

“Okay…” you answer and he lets his fingertips wander down your clothed body. Undoing the button of your jeans, he unhurriedly slips his hand inside them, and he watches you intently as his fingertips brush against your soaked panties, his voice sultry as he teases you, “So wet already… I didn’t know you were that desperate for me…” Before letting you answer, he leans in to place a lingering kiss to the corner of your mouth, starting to rub up and down between your folds slowly.

“I thought I’d go crazy without this…” you confess, arms wrapped around him and one hand up in his hair. You play with his locks as he teases you, and you whine, “More, please… don’t make me wait even longer…”

“What do you want, baby?” he asks, and then he buries his face in your neck, leaving kisses there as you throw your head back.

“Anything… even if it’s just your fingers, please just get me off…” you beg, only now realizing just how desperate you really are. Donghyuck gulps at your words, and he kisses his way up to your jaw and along it, until his lips are hovering right above yours.

“Tell me how badly you need me…” he mutters, pushing the fabric of your underwear aside so he could touch you directly. “I wanna hear everything.” As he starts rubbing small circles on your clit his lips go back to tending to your neck, kissing and nipping on the sensitive skin and making it that much more difficult for you to form coherent sentences. Still you can’t but do as told.

“So bad… need you so bad,” you mewl. “I tried to get off so many times, but nothing feels as good as when you touch me…” He hums at your words, granting you a finger dipping inside your pussy for just a moment in return and gasping at just how wet you are.

“I’ll make up for it,” he says. “I’ll make you cum so good.” You whimper, and then you instinctively buck your hips as his finger ghosts above your entrance. You hear him curse through gritted teeth at how needy you’re becoming, and blood rushes to your head from the thought alone that your state could turn him on so much as well.

“Please… just give me your fingers…” you whine, and to your surprise Donghyuck doesn’t drag out his teasing for longer. And so you cry out when he pushes inside, pumping in and out of you while watching your every reaction to his touch. “Fuck…” you hiss, already seeing your high approaching from far away. “I’m not gonna last long…”

“It’s okay,” he coos over you. “Wanna feel you cum around my fingers… can you take another one?”

“Y-yes… yes please…” you say mindlessly, only being able to think about how you want to feel him more. The stretch is bearable when he pushes into you with three fingers, and when he presses his thumb against your bundle of nerves, fingering you skillfully, you think you’re about to lose your mind. “Fuck… yes… don’t stop, please…” you mewl as he slowly picks up speed until he can see the bliss on your facial features. At this point all you can do is moan his name and dig your nails into his shoulder blades as you cling to him, bucking your hips in chase of your orgasm.

“Shit, you’re so pretty…” you hear him mutter under his breath as he marvels at the sight in front of him, and next thing you know your whole body is shaken by the force of your high. You whine as he fucks you through it, right until your last aftershocks, and then you simply close your eyes as you lay back on his bed, feeling the exhaustion from the past weeks taking over you. Licking his fingers clean after pulling out of you, he then captures your chin between his thumb and index finger to make you look at him.

“What do you want me to do next?” he asks, his words sounding maybe even sweeter than usual to your ears, and you blame it on the way your mind is still in a haze from your orgasm. You think about it for a short while, and in the end you simply snuggle up to him closely.

“Let’s just… stay like this for a while,” you answer. “If that’s okay with you… I think I just need to be close to you.”

“Sure…” Donghyuck mutters, a bit taken aback by your response that must’ve come very unexpectedly to him. However, he doesn’t hesitate to put an arm around your frame, making you feel safe in a warm embrace. “That good?” he asks, and when you nod he presses his lips against your forehead, lingering there for a while.

You don’t move, not knowing how much time is passing while you’re merely listening to the other’s breathing and enjoying each other’s warmth. At that moment, you wish you could stay like this forever, but as you close your eyes and begin to relax, all your thoughts from the past weeks about your situation with him catch up to you one by one. Deep inside you know it can’t stay like this. And the longer you’re dragging this out, the more clearly you can see just how unfair this is on him. And so eventually, you don’t see any other plausible course of action to take next than to start talking.

“Thank you… for being by my side,” you mutter. Your hand having found its way into his, you’re playing with his fingers, eyes focused on that. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you lately… really.”

“Of course!” he responds, moving back a bit to get a proper look at your face. “You know I’d do anything for you.” You chuckle at his exaggerated words, letting go of his hand and ruffling his hair instead.

“I’m glad to have met you again,” you continue. “But… I’ve been thinking, you know? And I don’t think we can go on like this.”

“What…?”

“Just… I’m only gonna get busier, you know…?” The exact moment that he sits up, his comforting touch being torn away from you as he stares at you with disbelief on his face, you inevitably begin to feel like you fucked up. But you started this now, and there’s no way you could dig yourself back out of this mess, so you decide it’d be for the best to just see it through and be honest with him. “You know that I could never pay you back all that you’ve done for me… Hyuck.” You call out his name, but he barely even reacts with nothing but a blank expression in his eyes. You could’ve sworn you’ve never seen him this pale. “I’m gonna graduate, Hyuck. You’ll still be a student when I start working. Hell, I might have to move somewhere completely different if I don’t find a job in this city soon. And once I do find employment, I’m gonna have to work my ass off to prove my worth. I won’t have time to fool around like this anymore…”

“Fool… around…?” he repeats, speaking slowly, as his expression suddenly reflects a hundred complicated feelings. “Fool around… was all this is to you?”

“I mean… we’re friends too, obviously-”

“Y/N,” he cuts you off, and the way he says your name stabs you like a knife. “I have feelings too, you know. You can’t just…” A bitter laugh escapes him. “You’re going to tell me that it’s better if we didn’t see each other anymore, aren’t you?”

“No!” you immediately refute. “I mean-... look, we can stay friends, but I don’t know how much we’ll actually be able to see each other-”

“Friends?” he repeats in utter disbelief. “You don’t realize it, do you?”

“Realize what-”

“I’m in love with you, Y/N. I love you.”

“What…?” That is all you manage to reply to his confession. You really did never notice it, and so this comes as a shock to you. You realize that maybe him saying he’d do anything for you wasn’t an exaggeration at all, but you didn’t think he’d keep this fuckbuddy thing up if he had feelings for you all along. As if he had read your mind, he says,

“I’m sorry… I-... I didn’t want to tell you like this…” he speaks, his head hanging low now. “Not when I know you have a thousand other things to worry about, but… I just couldn’t… you said all these hurtful things. I don’t think you know how much hearing all that just now hurts.”

“I-,” you begin, but you don’t know what to say. You stare at him in utter disbelief for a moment, and then all of a sudden, from one second to the other, you feel like you’re going to suffocate if you don’t get out of here as fast as possible. “I… I can’t do this right now.” You get up off the bed and zip up your jeans. Your head is in chaos and your emotions are all jumbled up, but the one thing you can clearly feel is the anger burning in your veins. You truly are upset that he dropped such a bomb on you just before exams start and you need a clear head more than anything. “I’m going home… sorry,” you mutter under your breath, and without another look back at the guy who can’t do anything but watch as you’re slipping out of his grasp once again, you walk out of the door.

“Good luck for your exams” You let out a sigh as you finally delete the notification of the message Donghyuck sent you four days ago as you’re on your way to uni for your last exam. It’s Friday noon and you can’t wait for all of this to be over, the beginning of winter break feeling like you’re finally about to reach the safe shore after you’ve been almost drowning for weeks.

You didn’t talk to Donghyuck for the entirety of the week - of course, or you would’ve long answered his message that he sent you on Monday. But you couldn’t bring yourself to, you didn’t even dare open the chatroom. Instead, you had focused on the necessities to get you through this week: sleep, eat, revise everything you studied, be on time for your exams, rinse and repeat. And now that it’s already the last day of this nightmare, you can’t wait to simply crash into bed once you arrive home tonight.

It’s true that you’ve been feeling the relief after every single exam you finished, like some of the weight was taken off your shoulder with each time you walk out of a lecture hall. And yet you still feel the tiredness in your bones, but there’s something else tugging at your limbs and trying to make you stop running from one task to the other. However, you don’t let it. Too big is the fear of what you might find if you do stop and have a look, so you force all thoughts out of your mind that have nothing to do with your exams. And today as well your mind is empty when you take your seat and you’re handed the paper you’re supposed to fill out during the next one and a half hours, trusting your memory and your ability to recall the correct answers you have studied to each question.

As you’re leaving the lecture hall, finally done with the last one of your exams, somebody calls out to you. You turn your head to find one of your friends catching up with you, greeting you with a lively expression on her face.

“We’re finally done,” she says. “Now we only need to wait for our final paper to be graded and then we’re free!”

“Yeah,” you respond, trying to sound cheerful but inevitably failing. You’re just tired at this point, and no matter how relieved you are that exams are over, you can’t bring yourself to be happy.

“What’s with you?” your friend asks, concern in her voice. “Do you have to redo one of your exams?”

“No, no, it’s nothing,” you assure her, but she doesn’t buy it.

“There’s something up with you. Did studying take that much out of you?”

“I guess,” you reply as you walk down the hallway with her, but then you hesitate. “Actually… nevermind.”

“Hm? Y/N, what is it? You’re being really weird.” She steps in front of you, making you halt on the spot, but eventually she keeps walking. “It’s okay, I shouldn’t pressure you to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“...it’s about a friend,” you admit finally.

“A friend?” she repeats. “Did something happen to them?”

“No, just… we just haven’t seen each other much lately, and… yeah.” You lower your head and she steps closer.

“That must be a very good friend if you miss them so much,” she states, matter of factly, and that’s when you feel a stab right to your heart, putting you in physical pain.

“Right…” you mutter. Without you realizing, Donghyuck’s presence has painted your ordinary days in a color of hope, wrapping you in a feeling of safety whenever you’re with him and making you become way too comfortable around him. And now that it’s come this far, you don’t know how you’re supposed to scratch off all that paint anymore. The thought alone makes you feel sick to the stomach - you shouldn’t have been such an idiot. You knew where this would lead, and that you wouldn’t have the time to fool around with him anymore once you’ve graduated. A feeling of deep regret overcomes you.

You shouldn’t have said yes when he suggested leaving your class reunion together.

When you get home that day, you finally let yourself feel the full consequences of the past weeks filled with stress and you crash into your bed immediately. You haven’t planned to go to sleep this early, but at some point you simply find yourself drifting off, and the next time you open your eyes it’s Saturday morning.

Your body aches as you force yourself to get out of bed, and when you open the curtains and the sunlight blinds your eyes, you curse existence itself. You trod over to the bathroom, wash your face, and after finding yourself unable to look at your reflection in the mirror, you return to your little kitchen to get yourself a simple breakfast. Finishing it while scrolling through social media on your phone, you then get yourself back to your bed, plummeting down on it and grabbing one of the books stacked atop your bedside table that you never found the time to finish while uni has kept you occupied. You open it on the page you had left off weeks ago, and after fighting your way through roughly two and a half paragraphs, you give up and you put the book back to where it’s been resting untouched until now. Your mind just won’t let you focus on this now, so you pick your heavy body up off the comfortable sheets and decide to take a shower first of all.

Things continue like this for the next few days. Even though exams are finally over, you just can’t find it in you to rest properly. Neither going out to have fun nor staying at home and having some quality alone time sound appealing to you, and soon enough you figure out why. No matter what you do or where you are, there’s this constant pain in your chest dragging you down, because time and time again you find yourself impulsively wanting to tell Donghyuck about your day, or even just sending him a funny meme you found on instagram. But you can’t. In a way this reminds you of five years ago, when you started spending less and less time together in high school and then eventually broke up with each other. You recall finding yourself in situations like this back when you started college as well, wanting to tell him about something fun or exciting that happened but feeling unable to, because it’s already been months since you had last talked. However, there’s one significant difference between then and now.

Then, you merely found it a shame that you couldn’t freely text him or talk to him anymore. But you had moved on, finding new friends to talk to about those same things. Now, it’s like someone had torn a chunk of yourself out of your chest, and you’re slowly bleeding out as your nervous system prevents you from doing anything at all, signaling you that there must be a more urgent matter to take care of first. And only once you come to understand that this matter has to do with nothing other than Donghyuck himself, that’s when something finally connects in your mind. Your days have been painted with his colors, but maybe you’re not supposed to get rid of all that paint. Maybe you’re simply supposed to embrace it, because after all those years he’s become someone who’s just right for you. And maybe he’s become someone you can even come to love.

No, he’s already someone you love, you just never realized it.

Without thinking, you open your chatroom with Donghyuck, his last message still unanswered, and you start typing.

“I need to see you.”

“Now.”

You stand on his doorstep, taking a deep breath. Donghyuck had texted you back eventually, offering to meet at his place, so that’s where you are now, nervous to ring the doorbell. It was you who suddenly decided to come see him, so why are you so hesitant?

Another deep breath, exhaled shakily, and you reach out to press the bell button. Maybe 10 seconds later, the door opens, and when Donghyuck mutters a greeting with a distant expression in his eyes, it’s like a slap to your face.

“Come in, I guess,” he says as he’s already turning around, and you do as told. Taking your shoes off, you follow him a few steps inside, and shooting you a cold look, he asks, “What do you need to talk about?”

You’ve never seen him like this. Even when you broke up at the end of high school there wasn’t such a dark expression on his face. At that moment you have no idea how to shake off the guilt anymore, and so all you can do is let the words burst out of you.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry for doing this to you.” He watches you with a look over his shoulder and you let your head hang, hoping he isn’t aware of the way tears are welling up in your eyes. “I can’t imagine how much I must’ve hurt you.” You add those words through gritted teeth, afraid of a sob suddenly making its way past your lips if you’re not careful.

“Then why are you the one crying?” he asks, staying surprisingly calm.

“B-because…” You gulp, and figuring that it’s too late anyway, you lift your chin to look at him and you use the sleeves of your shirt to wipe the tears from your eyes. “Because I’m an idiot. And I don’t want to see the person I love suffer.”

“Y/N…” he breathes your name before turning around fully to face you. He steps closer, but still keeps a good distance between you two. “You rejected me only a few days ago…”

“I know.” Your words are merely a whisper now. “Because I was scared… the future seems so overwhelming that I kept thinking I don’t have space for something like this. But… that doesn’t mean… that I didn’t still fall in love with you.” Silence follows, the only sound disrupting it being the soft sigh Donghyuck lets out before he finally closes the distance between you.

“Can I… hold you?” You nod at his question and you let him come closer, until you find yourself safely wrapped into his embrace, his warm breath tickling your neck as he buries his face there.

“I’m so sorry for how I acted… you must really hate me now…” you mutter, and you’re almost startled when your friend lets out a laugh as he’s holding you.

“Yes, because I always go around hugging my enemies like this,” he says with a tired yet cheeky grin on his lips, and seeing that expression on his face suddenly washes all your worries away.

“Right…”

“It’s okay, Y/N… I know you had a rough time. I shouldn’t have confessed to you so suddenly either,” he apologizes, but you immediately shake your head, vigorously.

“No, don’t say sorry! I… I kind of get it… that it had to get out,” you say. “Especially after I said all those hurtful things to you.” He brings one hand up to your cheek, brushing his knuckles against the skin there and as his eyes scan your facial features you can unmistakably see how much he adores you. It makes your heart soar, and you part your lips as your gaze falls to his mouth.

“Y/N,” he calls out to you. “Does that mean… I can ask you to be my girlfriend now?”

“Sure…” you mumble, the urge to feel his lips on yours clouding your mind. “And when I’m your girlfriend… can you kiss me then?”

“Of course,” he chuckles, and he takes a tiny step away from you so he could take your hands into his, intertwining your fingers. “Y/N, would you be my girlfriend?” You can’t suppress the smile that creeps onto your face as you listen to his question, and you nod.

“Yes, please,” you answer. “Let me be your girlfriend.” And then he kisses you, slowly and carefully, and this time you aren’t confused on what those feelings he’s pouring into this kiss are. This time you know that it’s all the love he has for you, and you let it wrap you into a veil of warmth and comfort, feeling safe with him.

“I love you,” you mutter in between kisses, and eventually your hands find their way up into his hair. You kiss him back as you comb through it, and when you hear him whisper those same words back at you in between kisses, you once again can’t control the smile on your lips. You part to look at each other, finding an unmistakable desire for more behind his gaze, and so you begin moving as you connect your lips to his again.

"I'm sorry..." you mutter in between kisses, as you're steering him towards the bedroom, and he lets out a sigh against your lips in response. "I want to make it up to you."

"You don't have to," Donghyuck mutters with his hands on your waist, and you reach the bed, positioning yourselves so you could have him sit with one swift push against his chest. Crawling on top of him as he merely looks up at you, eyes half-lidded and lips slightly parted while he awaits your next kiss, he's already completely drunk on you.

"Then see it as me taking care of you?" you whisper, reconnecting your lips to his. Your arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders and him having his hands securely placed on your sides for stability, you merely keep kissing like that. Unhurriedly, because now you both know there's nothing rushing you anymore, nothing that would tear you apart.

"I love you." He mutters those words as you part, and when you open your eyes you can see him already nervously peeking up at you. You can't help but smile endearingly, cupping his cheek with one hand before you lean in for another sweet kiss to his reddened lips.

"I love you too, Hyuck," you say just when you pull back, and you let your fingertips wander down his upper body. Watching his face closely for his reactions, you pull his shirt off him, tossing it to the floor, and then you add, "Lie down for me, baby. I'll make you feel good." It comes as a surprise even to you to see him obey so quickly, and you let your palm glide down the bare skin on his chest and abdomen as he lies back. And then, when you reach for his wrists to pin them against the bed right next to his head, you can see a slight but still apparent blush creeping onto his cheeks, and he lets out a sound that's somewhere between a groan and a quiet whine.

"Fuck, you make me go crazy," you mutter as you press another kiss to his puffy lips, and when you sink your teeth into his bottom lip he moans into your mouth, the act alone sending heatwaves through your body. You instinctively roll your hips on top of his, earning yourself another small mewl from him, and then you trail kisses from the corner of his mouth to his throat. He leans his head back to give you better access, brows furrowed as he sighs in contentment. Forming his hands into fists, he digs his nails into his palms and whines some more as you continue grinding down on him, and the way you feel him grow underneath you turns you on as well. And then eventually you let go of his wrists to work your way down, peppering kisses all over his chest as he immediately throws his arms around your body, holding onto you tightly.

"Hyuck..." you call out his name as you sit up briefly, and then you continue trailing nips and kisses down his body. "Let me hear you." He curses as your hand ghosts above his core, watching you with an expectant gaze in his eyes. You pull down the sweatpants he's wearing, and then his underwear, both just enough so his hard length is exposed. You wrap your fingers around him, and you kneel above him now, one of his thighs positioned between your legs, so you could get a good look at his face as you start to slowly jerk him off.

"Look at me," you demand, and he does, the blush returning to his cheeks.

"Faster..." he mutters, barely audible, and you teasingly ask him to repeat himself. "Faster, please..." he begs through gritted teeth, and when you tighten your grip on his shaft just a little bit, he responds with a moan. "Can't take it..."

"Are you gonna let me hear more of those pretty moans?" you question, lips quivering in anticipation.

"Y-yes..." You don't know if your mind is tricking you or if his blush is growing just a bit darker as he answers, but either way you begin to move your hand faster, having him whining underneath you as he throws his head back. You watch with your lips slightly parted, and it's not like you've never seen him like this before, but there's just something about the way he gives himself up to pleasure when you have him in this kind of position that always gets you going. You move your hips in tune with the speed at which you get him off, grinding your clothed core down on his thigh, and he pushes his leg up just a bit to give you more friction.

"Shit..." you hiss, pleasure clouding your mind, and Donghyuck reaches down to wrap his fingers around your hand, guiding you into a faster pace. You collect the precum leaking his tip and use it as lube to glide down his length more smoothly, and as you can see on his face that he's about to lose himself to the sensation, you mutter a warning, "Don't cum yet."

"But-" he whines, and you take your hand away just before he can reach his high. "Y/N..." he desperately whines your name and you lean in to press a soothing kiss somewhere onto his chest, and then another one against his cheek.

"I wanna have you cumming inside me," you whisper, and when you sit back up you quickly rid yourself of all your clothes, in the end helping him out of his pants as well. You crawl on top of him, your hands placed on his shoulders for support, and you let out a curse as you roll your hips against him, his tip rubbing against your folds. And once again he whines, pressing his eyes tightly shut and digging his nails into your hips.

"Just fuck me already..." he breathes, but you have other plans.

"Be good and I will, baby," you coo as you repeat your motion without letting him slip inside you. He begins to squirm underneath you, visibly fighting to suppress his orgasm, and you swear you could cum from the sight alone. "Fuck... you're so fucking hot like that, Hyuck..." you mutter through gritted teeth, his repeated whines sounding like music to your ears.

"C-can't... hold back..." And once again you stop the stimulation just as he's about to cum, and with a frustrated groan he throws his head back into the mattress, dragging his nails down your skin. You reach for his hands, and as you intertwine your fingers you pin them above his head, and you can't but coo over the desperate look he gives you, and the way his cheeks are reddening again.

"You gonna cum right when I take you in, aren't you?" you ask, smirking at him after pressing a kiss to his forehead. "So desperate for my pussy..." And he can't do anything but whine at your words, because you both know you're right, and him denying it would just make him look stupid. "Then cum for me, baby," you mutter against his lips as you seal them with yours, running your tongue along his mouth to deepen the kiss. You sink down on him, taking in his size with ease, and the second you start rolling your hips he releases inside you as he moans into your mouth. Heat rushes through your veins when you part and you sit up, letting go of his wrists and combing the fingers of one hand through his disheveled hair instead.

"Didn't think you really would cum the instant you're inside me," you mock him, earning yourself another whine from him. "And I bet you're also gonna be hard again in no time if I keep this up," you mumble, rolling your hips on top of him slowly. "Such a sucker for when I'm in control, huh?"

"Yeah..." he breathes out, and you unexpectedly feel your heart swell at his answer. Usually he'd be fighting back by now, trying to battle you for dominance or at least being bratty, but today you really just have him at your mercy unconditionally.

"Is it because I finally said that I love you?" you conclude, as if he had heard your thought process.

"Huh?" You run your fingers through his hair again, and then you lean in for another deep kiss.

"Do you like it that much when I play with you like this, or are you being good because you're scared I'll leave if you're not perfect for me?" Donghyuck stares at you for a while as you sit back up, the blush on his cheeks fading, and when he finally reaches out to you to press your body against his for a tight embrace, he answers,

"No, I trust you. And I kinda like it when you sometimes use me." A storm of emotions washing over you, you bring some distance between you and him slowly, and after mustering his genuine expression for a while, you reach for his hands once again.

"Don't touch me," you order as you put them back into their place above his head. "And don't cum until I tell you to. If you wanna be my little toy you gotta be good, alright?"

"Alright." He gulps, taking you in as you're sitting on top of him, starting to ride him with one hand sliding down your body, fingertips reaching your core to give yourself some extra stimulation. Eyes dripping with honey, he keeps his hands in place, and the more you can feel him growing inside you, the more you can also see him struggling to keep his composure.

"Fuck, you're so sexy," he mutters eventually, and you hum a praise to signal him to keep going. "Feels so good... wanna be good for you..."

"That's right..." you mutter, your eyelids fluttering shut as you bounce on top of him, rubbing circles onto your clit. You position yourself so that everytime you sink down on him his tip would graze that perfect spot inside you, and along with listening to his words and the way his voice starts shaking from the pleasure has you seeing stars soon enough.

"U-use me, please... wanna feel you cum on my cock..." he sputters, and you moan at his pleas.

"Doing so well for me, baby... shit, nobody could ever make me feel as good as you..." He whines desperately as you keep your pace slow, in hopes of bringing him as close as possible to the edge as you're racing towards your own high. "Hyuck..." you mutter his name, your voice trembling. "Cum with me." Another moan falling from his lips and you feel yourself shaken by your orgasm, clenching around him as he spills inside you a second time.

"Shit..." With a curse you collapse on top of him, finding him wrapping his arms around you in a comforting motion, and you add, "You were amazing." He nuzzles his face into the side of your head, lips brushing against your temple, and once you've caught your breath a bit you give him a proper kiss. "I'm sorry... for trying to push you away like th-" Donghyuck puts his index finger across your lips, shutting you up in the process, and with a soft smile he shakes his head.

"Stop apologizing," he says. "It's okay now. Let's focus on the future, and how we can build it together." His hand cupping your face and his thumb brushing against your cheek make your heart skip a beat, and you simply nod.

"You're right," you respond, and you lie back down on top of him, nestling into his chest. "If we just have each other, we can make it through anything."

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