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wesimpforxiao · 3 years

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Say My Name and I’ll Be There: 6.1

Twenty-four hours, thirty minutes, ten seconds and counting. Xiao continued to pace outside of Dawn Winery in complete silence. He still hadn't heard a single word from you, and he had stayed awake all night. Not really a sacrifice since he pulled all-nighters frequently, but his hopes were crushed when his long night was filled with nothing but silence.

Inside, Aether approached Diluc rather quickly with Paimon in tow. "How would you like to kill Fatui?"

"I beg your pardon?" Diluc set his glass of grape juice on his desk. He had been busy with mapping the next wine delivery route when they suddenly barged through his doors. He kind of wished they had the kindness to knock, but the desperate glints in their eyes caught him off guard.

"We said, how would you like to kill the Fatui?" Paimon crossed her arms.

"We need to infiltrate Snezhnaya. They took her."

"'Her?'" Diluc raised a brow, already annoyed by the vagueness of their requests.

"Ugh, the same girl from yesterday! Who earned her cryo vision! She was taken last night at your tavern! Didn't you see us all run out?" Paimon's brows furrowed impatiently.

"We need to infiltrate Snezhnaya," Aether repeated and took a step forward. "We can't do it without you on our team."

"Hold on," Diluc waved a hand to silence them. "We can't just infiltrate a foreign country. There are laws and regulations you have to--"

"That's why we came to you!" Paimon yelled. "If anyone can get us in there, it's you and your underground connections!"

"You hate the Fatui more than anything," Aether continued. "Will you help us?"

Diluc thought for a moment while he traced the rim of his glass with his index finger. "We can't recklessly barge into enemy territory. I'll see what intel I can gather. Wait here."

Xiao burst through the doors almost as if he had seen a ghost--actually, that would be an inaccurate metaphor since he's quite experienced with the spirits of the dead. No matter. He burst through the doors as pale as a sheet. "I hear her."

..................................................

You glared at the third plate of food that sat upon the stool Childe left in your cell. You had refused to eat the prior two meals while he was in the cell with you. He had your cuffs unlocked so you could eat, but you refused to move from your place against the wall. Cooked fish, some sort of vegetable, and white rice. They were treating you well. You were needed alive and healthy, after all, but you weren't hungry. And since Childe had finally left you alone, well, that gave you the chance to talk to the only person you could.

Xiao. Xiao! The thought of startling him brought a thin smile to your lips. I wonder if I scared you...I'm safe--well, as safe as I can be at the moment. I miss you... Your smile faded. But I cannot call for you. It's too dangerous; I'm sure they already have a way to capture you. Now that I know you're always listening, it's nice to talk like this. Less lonely.

Something clinked against the outer cell door, and it opened. Childe and one of the harbingers you saw yesterday entered. The latter held a strange white-and-gray mask that obscured everything besides part of his right cheek and lips. His bluish-white hair almost seemed to brighten the small room from how light it was.

"It's a sign of disrespect if you refuse to eat the food provided for you," Childe commented once he saw that your plate was yet again untouched. "We're treating you with more hospitality than our prisoners, after all."

"This is still imprisonment. Screw off," you brought your knees to your chest as if your legs served to protect you from their stares.

"Ah, yes," the other harbinger picked the plate up and placed it at your feet. "My test subject needs to eat. I suggest you do it by your own will before I see to it myself."

"You might want to listen to him." Childe was warning you, but not out of consideration for you.

"Go to hell!" You threw the plate at the new harbinger since he was closest, and covered his tidy suit in food. The white rice mostly clung to the fabric. Thank the archons that your shoulder was healed and your arm could be put to good use now.

"Listen here, you little--" The man grabbed you by the collar and lifted you like you weighed nothing until your feet dangled above the ground. "I don't have the patience of the Tsaritsa's war dog. I do things quite differently, and you are under my jurisdiction now. See to it that you follow my orders to the tee, or I can make things very unpleasant here on out." He dropped you to the floor and exited the cell.

Childe gave you a look of 'I told you so' as he followed suite.

...............................................

What day is it? Your hazy mind stared at the opposite wall. You lazily traced figure-eights over your tattered jeans. Approximately twenty-one meals were served--and wasted-- so maybe it was day seven? A full week of sitting in this barren room?

A few days of no nutrition were of no consequence to you; you were a light eater anyway. But by day five you were beginning to get dizzy from your voluntary starvation. You slept most of the day. The slightest of movements made the world spin around you. Thoughts of giving in and digging into the meals crossed your mind several times.

I will not falter. They will not get what they need from me. I'll starve before they can have me, you gave yourself the pep talk over and over again. The hours that were filled with zero social interaction drove you mad; you'd either talk to yourself, or to Xiao, who you only hoped could still hear you and maybe even reply in his own mind. It was a shame the conversation couldn't go both ways.

"I miss you," you murmured a breath. "If I get out of this, would you like to go eat almond tofu with me?"

Childe entered quietly, and knelt in front of you after giving your full plate the side-eye. "This little hunger strike of yours needs to stop. You need to eat." You didn't answer, and he let out a small sigh. "Il Dottore finished his set-up this morning. I'm sure he'll be ready to take you from under my watch by tomorrow at the latest." He sat down now, and examined you carefully.

I didn't think we'd break her this quickly, he thought. Such a stubborn personality reduced to this pathetic heap of a woman. A slim smile spread across his lips when he realized how much he loved watching you break under the pressure.

"Leave," you breathed.

"You're smarter than I thought, you know." Childe placed his chin on the hand that was propped up on his leg. "If you really thought he had a chance at defeating us, you would have called for Xiao by now. You've isolated yourself from the only person that caught your eye."

That's what you think, you scoffed. I've been talking to him this whole damn time.

"Or have you been praying to him?" Childe's eyes narrowed and the grin on his lips only widened. The small glance you sent him validated his question. "You're telling me that this great and mighty adeptus has heard your suffering, and has yet to do a single thing about it? Are you really sure he's reliable? Oh, ojou-chan," he clicked his tongue and shook his head at you. "He won't neglect his duties to protect Liyue to come save you."

"You don't know him like I do," a bit of fighting spirit entered your hoarse voice, and your eyes began to glow.

"Oh, but I do. An ancient yaksha that's at least half the age of Morax himself, falling in love with a human girl? Is that what you're expecting from him?" The words cut deeper than his blade had cut through your shoulder. "You really believe such a hardened soul could learn to love in as quickly as a single human lifetime? Ojou-chan, open your eyes. He does not care for you, and he couldn't even if he tried. Look around you, ojou-chan. You're still here, in this dark cell, and he's where? In Mondstat? Liyue? He doesn't seem to care all too much about you."

"That's because I told him to stay away," you growled, eyes shining brighter. You curled your fists and prepared to strike him if he had the audacity to continue spewing nonsense. "You know, you have your entire life to be a jerk. Why don't you take today off?"

"Even if he did save you, there's no future with him. You will continue to chase after the illusion of love with him for the rest of your life, only to die alone with your youth wasted. Even if you escaped, you would be on the run for your entire life, hiding away from the preying eyes of the Fatui. Is that worth an escape, if you can no longer truly live?

"You're better off working with us, following Dottore's orders, and gaining the trust of the Tsaritsa. You can make a life for yourself here if you decide to survive. But out there," he pointed toward the cell door. "Out there, you will not live."

"You know, your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth!" You yelled as he exited the cell. Your plate collided with the door right as it closed. Hot tears stained your cheeks once you were left alone.

He's only trying to break you into submission, you soothed yourself as you hugged your legs. They felt thinner than usual. He's just trying to break me. But why do his words...make me feel so upset? You buried your face into your knees. Maybe he's right.

......................................................

"So the guard schedules all overlap? There's no way in?" Paimon looked over the scattered notes on Diluc's table. Most of them held ineligible scribbles on them, and she furrowed her brows because of it.

"This was all you were able to gather in a week?" Aether pulled at his hair and sighed heavily.

"Not many are willing to oppose the Fatui," said Diluc. "It took all my resources to get this much. We don't know the interior layout of the castle other than the main exits and entrances. But I did manage to find us a caravan that leaves at dawn tomorrow."

"Finally!" Paimon huffed. "Something useful!"

"I am sorry I haven't been of use to you all," Zhongli bowed his head in a sincere apology. "It has been years since I've last seen Snezhnaya and the cryo archon." You meant a great deal to the group, and Zhongli probably took your abduction the hardest since he could not intervene with the Tsaritsa and her plans.

"At least we finally have enough of a foundation to squeeze out a plan!"

"Have you heard from her at all today, Xia--?" Aether interrupted himself. "Are...you okay?"

All eyes turned to antisocial yaksha that stood at the back of the room. It was a small thing the traveler had noticed, but it was significant enough that it totally contradicted everything Xiao was.

He was crying.

First, you asked to eat with him when this was all over. Then an overwhelming sense of dread and helplessness flooded his mind like a tsunami. A single tear rolled down his cheek and he hastily wiped it away. A tear?

"Stay out of my way," he disappeared from the room and manifested outside. What was this unfamiliar clenching in his chest? This clenching in his throat? The way his hands tingled and his eyes stung? The afternoon sun seemed to worsen it.

"Xiao," a deep voice spoke behind him, and he turned to face it. Zhongli placed a large hand on the yaksha's head and closed his eyes for a moment. When he released his grip, he too, felt the same pain in his chest.

"She's in pain," the yaksha murmured. "Every day she grows weaker. Her strength, it...diminishes." While it was a blessing to know you were alive, it was also a curse. He could hear the uncertainty in your voice when you prayed, and the way you hesitate to speak to him each passing day. The centuries of hardened walls blocking the yaksha from emotion grew weaker the more you did.

"Your bond has grown," the archon explained the physical and mental phenomena Xiao was being put through. "You feel her emotions, just as she feels yours."

"Rid me of them," Xiao ordered. "I have no need for the emotions of a human."

"She is no longer the only one that holds human emotions. You care for her deeply, do you not?" No answer. Blank stare. "I'm certain you've contemplated and understood my words in Qingce Village by now." Zhongli's eyes followed the ascending path of two cranes flying overhead. "You wish to rescue her, even though Liyue requires your protection? You're worried I won't grant your request?"

"...Yes."

"Worry no longer; it is granted. But be warned, Guardian Yaksha, emotions cannot be permanently ignored. They will rise to the forefront sooner or later," his gaze returned to Xiao's. "You best be sure to share them before they fall on the ears of an early grave."

#xiao x reader #genshin impact #xiao genshin impact #genshin impact xiao #genshin imagines #xiao #xiao fanfiction

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rubykgrant · 3 years

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(I can’t stop writing about the idiots in love, so here; have Simmons and Grif being love-struck dorks in what leads-up to them having snuggle time~)

All day long, they couldn’t stop giggling. Even with the armor on, they could tell when they were looking at each other, and that was all it took. They would try to hold back, then wind up choking on their own laughter. Because, despite the helmets hiding their faces, and without saying anything, they could tell they were both thinking the same thing when they looked at each other; That’s my BOYFRIEND. It made them feel light-headed with happiness, weak in the knees, silly and embarrassed, delighted and undeniably fond. They couldn’t stop giggling.

When they weren’t together, they still had their heads in the clouds; Grif was in a noticeably more pleasant mood than usual when he had work to do. Nobody wanted to question it much, however… it might make him realize what was happening, and then he’d fall back into complaining. Simmons seemed distracted. He still managed to get his work done, so that was fine… he just wasn’t paying much attention to what anybody said to him. The people around them shrugged this off and decided to ignore them. Nobody pressed the issue, and nobody knew that Grif and Simmons were now boyfriends.

They passed each other in the hall at one point near the end of the day, both going somewhere else. People weren’t paying attention to him, but if they were, they would have seen Grif visibly BOUNCE up when he saw Simmons (who started grinning inside his helmet).

“Oh hey, Tomato Can!”

“Shut up! What are you, one of those giant cans of pumpkin mix?”

Simmons reached out, playfully smacking at Grif as he walked by, and Grif did the same. In the middle of the smacking, they also grabbed and pulled on each other’s hands briefly. The giggles finally broke free, and they both could hear the laughter fade away the farther they walked. One again, nobody questioned this much. Grif and Simmons acting stupid and laughing was pretty typical behavior. It certainly wasn’t different from how they usually were.

It was several hours later when it was finally time to be done with work for the day (the day, in fact, was mostly over; it was after 9:30 at night). Simmons immediately went to change out of his armor. He carefully put each piece into it’s storage place, and then tried to NOT look like he was rushing off to see Grif back at their room as fast as possible. Normally, he changed out of the undersuit as well, putting on something loose and comfortable to wear as he went back to his room... it used to make him incredibly self-conscious to bee SEEN by other people in something that was so form-fitting. He also used to change out of the armor in a stall, just like he did way back in high school for PE; changing in and out of his gym clothes where nobody could see him, and only showering after all the other kids were gone. Well, finding out somebody was in love with you was a major ego-boost. He could finish changing back in their room, he was more concerned with getting to see his boyfriend than other people seeing him in the halls (also… it didn’t hurt that over the years, muscles had happened. Simmons had no illusions that he was a “totally buff hottie” or something, but he had come to accept that he wasn’t half-bad looking).

They both had different meal-time schedules today, Grif coming into the mess hall just when Simmons was done for both lunch and dinner. They once again teased and nudged as they passed, giggling at what was now an inside-joke; they were together, and nobody here even knew it, nobody here knew what a big deal it was, nobody knew they were in LOVE. Grif hasn’t felt so silly and infatuated like this since he was basically a kid, and for Simmons this is entirely uncharted territory. He’s not worried though, because he’s going on this romantic journey with Grif… as far as Simmons is concerned, that is absolutely perfect.

As he power-walked briskly, Simmons heard the sound of heavy, rushed foot-steps running up the hall behind him. He turned to see who it was, and there was Grif; he’d only partially changed out of his armor, the upper-half. He still had it on from the waist down. Evidently, he was in too much of a rush to bother with everything. Grif grinned at Simmons when their eyes met, and now Simmons smiled back at him, slightly slowing down as he stayed turned toward Grif, momentarily walking backwards… Grif was so eager to see his boyfriend, he was actually RUNNING. Before Grif caught up to him, Simmons suddenly had and idea. He began to increase how fast he walked, turned forward again, and sprinted down the hall. Grif caught on immediately; this was now a race, and Simmons wanted to beat him back to the room.

Simmons was fairly certain he would win; he had a head-start, Grif detested moving this fast, and the guy still had armor on his legs to weigh him down.

He was proven wrong when he was suddenly yanked back a step by his shirt, causing him to stumble as Grif pulled ahead.

“AHH! Bitch!” Simmons yelled, catching himself against the wall and laughing as he resumed running.

“What was that? I can’t hear you back there!” Grif yelled in return.

It was fairly empty in the halls of the ship, a few other random people were leisurely walking around, some of them still in their armor for late-duty. Luckily, none of them were very familiar with Grif and Simmons, and simply assumed these were two rowdy friends running around after work. Which was technically true… but if anybody who was close to them saw this (the people who had spent years with them, for example), it would trike them as odd; Grif, actually RUNNING, when it wasn’t toward a buffet or away from something life-threatening? Simmons, breaking several rules (that nobody but him took seriously, but still) and making noise like he had absolutely no inhibitions? If their friends had also seen them earlier, spacing out, giggling at each other uncontrollably, and sighing dreamily… perhaps they would have suspected something. Nobody from their group was seeing this. The two of them continued their chase, laughing and taunting each other.

When Grif got to the door, he paused just barely long enough to reach for the handle… and then Simmons slammed into him, knocking Grif off-balance. Grif didn’t fall, but he missed a beat as Simmons jumped inside, and shut the door, letting out a sound that was some kind of shriek, a mix of panic and delight.

“Hey! Let me in, you cheater!” Grif banged on the door.

“You cheated first!” he heard Simmons reply.

“Yeah, and then you go and stoop to my level? Not very mature, Simmons! You’re supposed to a good boy who follows the rules!” Grif tried the handle and pushed… but the door only moved an inch. Simmons was pushing back, shoulder against it and feet braced firmly.

“Well, I’m a crazy, rebellious, wild-card now! Who knows what I’ll do next! I might rob a bank!” it was hard for both of them to make any progress with the door either way; they were out of breath from running AND couldn’t stop giggling.

“Yeah right! You’d go in, try to yell stick-em up like a little kid, then apologize for raising your voice, and walk out of there with a job application!”

“Nuh-uh! I told you, I’m a loose-cannon now! I’m gonna get a tattoo on my bicep that says Born To Die!” Grif’s knees were turning to jelly at the mental thought of this. It was just too funny. “I’ll start wearing a jean jacket with no shirt all the time! I’m gonna get a faux-hawk and dye my hair neon green! I’m gonna legally change my name to a swear word that’s spelled wrong, like Phuck with a P-H! I’ll pierce my ears and wear little padlocks like earrings!”

“Holy crap, shut up dude!”

“I’m gonna tell Sarge… that I’m on BLUE TEAM NOW!”

Grif collapsed against the door, sliding down as he tried to gasp for air. This was such a ridiculous thing to use as an example of rebellion; Sarge had finally come to terms with the fact that blue wasn’t the color of sin, and Simmons had already gone through a fake-traitor incident with Blue Team. It just didn’t matter anymore… that’s why it was hilarious.

“Sim-Simmons… please just- just let me in, please, I’m dying out here, hahaha!” Grif was reduced to begging, and just hoped Simmons had an ounce of mercy.

“Well… since you said PLEASE…” the door finally opened. Grif found the strength to jump back up and pounce on him.

He grabbed Simmons by the waist, lifting him up off the ground, kicking the door shut. They were both laughing again, and Grif was planning on tossing Simmons into a chair, then maybe flicking him on the forehead as pay-back for the shove earlier… but then they looked at each other. Grif’s arms shifted, now one was under Simmons, supporting him. The other slid up his back, between his shoulders. Simmons kept giggling, leaning back and completely trusting that Grif would hold him up, now slightly hugging Grif with his legs, his hands kneading into Grif’s shoulders. As Grif stared at Simmons’ face, noticing all sorts of little details (the way his organic eye seemed to be lit up with excitement right now, the way he was biting the corner of his lower lip as he smiled, the way his nose wrinkled in an entirely too adorable way each time he quietly snorted with laughter), something happened; Grif felt his mouth water, like it did when he was ready to eat something he knew would be delicious (like his favorite kind of milk chocolate).

He mentally told himself he better swallow all this extra saliva fast, because he was definitely about to kiss Simmons. If he wasn’t careful, a waterfall of drool would pour out of his mouth when he parted his lips, which Simmons would NOT enjoy, and then Grif would have to kill himself, because how pathetic was it to finally start dating the dude you’ve been pining after for about 12 years only to drown him in spit the same day, HORRIBLY pathetic, there was no recovery from that, Grif would simply have to not be alive anymore, and why the hell was this even HAPPENING, Simmons wasn’t CHOCOLATE, why was Grif like this, why was his brain so stupid, why was his MOUTH so stupid, why why WHY-

He gulped just in time. Now it was Simmons’ turn to pounce on Grif, hands slipping up into Grif’s hair, making a soft little sigh as Grif kissed him back.

This was… this was the first time since their conversation about being in love and deciding to date that they were… out of their armor (mostly). The first time they could press their bodies close together and actually FEEL each other. Grif forgot all about the way the muscles in his legs were twitching and ignored the way his lungs burned after all the running… his attention was on Simmons. It was pretty clear that Simmons was also entirely focused on Grif. After a moment, they moved their mouths away from each other, and Grif laughed as his face was peppered with more little kisses, stumbling across the tiny room while trying to find a spot to set Simmons down. He finally leaned Simmons over his own bed, letting him drop onto the mattress. It was a sudden motion, but Simmons didn’t go far, and he kept making amused humming sounds as he bounced when he hit the bed.

“You’d better get the rest of your armor off. Unless you want to sleep in it again,” he told Grif.

“Yeah, that uh… that’s probably a good idea… I’ll do that…” Grif said, feeling light-headed (and once more filled with butterflies).

He was fairly certain Simmons had no clue what he was doing right now… no clue how GOOD he looked, leaning back across the bed, propping himself up with his elbows, hair tousled and messy in kind of a really great way, looking up at Grif so intently, face flushed… all while Grif stood in front of him, stood right between Simmons’ legs that bent over the edge of the bed, feet on the floor… and LITERALLY told Grif to undress. No, Simmons had no clue what he was doing, OR what it was doing to Grif.

Grif stepped back, going over to his bed on the other side of the room (barely 5 feet away). He wasn’t sure if Simmons was going to watch him the whole time he changed… it shouldn’t be so embarrassing; they’d changed in the same room like, a thousand times. They’d shared showers together from training days, to Blood Gulch, and almost every place they stayed (Simmons was always the nervous one about that, making such a big deal about NOT LOOKING or avoiding being LOOKED AT). This was a little different now, though… boyfriends. They were BOYFRIENDS. Grif was suddenly very AWARE of this fact. Grif was also aware that the last time they actually gotten undressed around each other and... and touched... was Chorus (and THAT had all sorts of complicated feelings attached to it, which Grif was in no mood to try and process at the moment, nope).

#writing #red vs blue #dexter grif #dick simmons #grimmons

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studying-with-adult-adhd · 4 years

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The Canadian Healthcare System and Why It Sucks, but Is Still Better Than The US

So, this tis be my diagnosis story.

When I first went to go see my family doctor about the feelings I was having, I was asked to sit down and fill out a survey of sorts. It was about how I was feeling. I didn’t talk to a doctor. I didn’t get to explain anything. They took those papers away and then my doctor came in and said “Aliesha, I think you may have mild to severe anxiety and depression.” She prescribed me medications and told me to make an appointment with their therapist.

So, I tried the medication for a few months, while sitting on the wait list for a half hour appointment with a therapist who clearly didn’t want to listen to me and only wanted to tell me what to do. It took me 3 months to get into this therapist. Not once was I sent for any tests to see if it could have been a physical condition (such as a thyroid issue).

The medication didn’t work. I tried a new one. I waited 3 months between my appointments with my therapist. This time, the medication made me dissociate, which the doctor had no clue what that was. I only found out after talking to my therapist in my clinic years later. I turned 18, and then I was told that I couldn’t see the therapist anymore because I wasn’t a minor. So I got scheduled to meet a new one. Again, it was the same thing.

I was finally switched to my last anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication. It didn’t work None of them worked. Not once was it suggested to me that I could have ADHD because I didn’t have typical symptoms. I had been asking to be referred to a psychiatrist, I even found a few that I thought would work. I was at the end of my rope and I just wanted to find help. My doctor never referred me, told me that there was no reason for me to be referred to one.

Eventually, I switched family doctors. I met with their clinics behavioral consultant lady. She talked to my new doctor and they referred me to the Emerging Adult Treatment Clinic. There was going to be a wait but they had given me resources. This doctor sent me for blood tests and tried to see what could be causing it. I stopped taking the medication I was on because it just didn’t feel like it was doing anything (PSA: DO NOT STOP TAKING YOUR MEDICATION COLD TURKEY. PLEASE TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR AND REDUCE IT GRADUALLY. THOSE FEW MONTHS WERE LITERAL HELL ON EARTH.)

About 8 months later, I was contacted by this clinic and was told to come in for an assessment appointment. The clinic was calm. It was mean for children and youth up to 24 years old. As I was talking to the intake therapist, he turned to me and told me “Aliesha, I think you’re a great candidate for this clinic and I’m going to go ahead and book you for orientation.”

I started crying. Bawling. I told him that it felt good to hear that I was finally going to get help. I told him that if they had denied me, I’m not sure what would have happened.

Orientation was two group sessions of going through what was going to happen and what type of programs were available to us in the clinic. We were going to be doing individual therapy, where our assigned therapists had us for an hour, and would help us. They would also make suggestions for which program, if any, would be helpful. We were told we would also be meeting with a psychiatrist as soon as we could.

I started my therapy with my psychologist Natalie. She was absolutely amazing and I wish I could thank her again. I told her what was going on and she asked me what i hoped to gain out of therapy. She asked me what I most wanted to work on. We started on basic necessities. Like eating and sleeping properly. She always encouraged me, she validated me. She made me feel valued again.

I then got to meet with the psychiatrist. Natalie was also there for all my psychiatry appointments to make notes for our sessions, as well as add anything that she felt was important. My psychiatrist right away had said “Aliesha, I’ve noticed a few things while you’ve been sitting here, and do you think you could possibly have ADHD?” I had said, I never thought about it but you’re the doctor and I’m trusting you. He gave me an option for my treatment. He told me he wanted to start me on medication that day, see if it helped a little, and then we’d go from there. I had a choice. He asked me if I was willing to do that. I told him yes.

I started Vyvanse 10mg the next morning. Holy shit, I felt like I could do my homework without dying. I was focused. I was happy. I felt like I could do things again. He also had me fill out some questionnaires, and asked if my mom would be willing to fill out one about my childhood. Yeah, looking back on it now, ADHD was definitely there when I was younger too. Things make sense.

I registered to go back to a in-classroom setting to finish my diploma. Natalie was so proud of me, and wow it felt good to hear someone professional say that they were proud of me and that they could see how hard I was trying.

I started DBT in this clinic too, and I felt it helped at least a little bit. I made amends with someone I used to go to school with that hated me; we had said some awful things to each other in school.

I made a complete 180 with the help of this clinic. Even now, after this hell of a year, I am happier. I’m healthier. My thoughts are healthier (though, I still have to work on things).

I walked with away from this clinic with a discharge paper stating my diagnoses, which are as followed:

ADHD

General Anxiety Disorder

Social Anxiety Disorder

and something that is almost PTSD but didn’t quite fit the mold from the DSM. My psychiatrist wrote it down as “Trauma and Stressor Related Disorder”.

That’s the story of how I was diagnosed. Let me tell you why the healthcare system is flawed.

I had to wait 4 years to get help. To get proper help. To be listened to. Unless I wanted to pay a ton of money that I didn’t have. I wasn’t listened to because I was a minor. I was told many times by doctors and “therapists” that if I lost weight, my problems would go away. I was told it was normal.

IT SHOULD NOT TAKE THAT LONG FOR SOMEONE TO FIND HELP.

I almost killed myself. If I had been denied from that clinic, I probably wouldn’t be here today. I was at the end of my rope and I was fighting to hold on. Not everyone gets to hang on so long. Not everyone is able to.

SUICIDE WILL NOT STOP UNTIL WE ADDRESS THE FUNDAMENTAL CONCERNS.

PROVIDE STUDENTS WITH BETTER ACCESS TO MENTAL HEALTH CARE. LISTEN TO THEM. PROVIDE TEACHERS AND ALL ADMIN STAFF WITH TRAINING TO UNDERSTAND AND IDENTIFY SOMEONE WHO COULD BE STRUGGLING.

MAKE WAIT TIMES LESS. MAKE APPOINTMENTS LONGER. MAKE SURE THE DOCTORS AND ALL HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONALS ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT HELPING YOU.

Yes, our Canadian Healthcare System is flawed. However, I didn’t have to pay to see my doctor. I didn’t have to outrageous bills after seeing my psychiatrist. The ONLY thing I paid for, was my prescriptions, which without insurance were $166 a month.

PROVIDE FREE HEALTHCARE FOR ALL CITIZENS.

#ADHD #adult adhd

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askthesandershouse · 3 years

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The Sanders House slowly returns!

Hello hello! After months of hiatus due to classes I am slowly making a return! This comes with some changes, so please click below for all the info on those! They will all be added to the about page + the about post as well later this evening. I hope these updates will be ok, tysm for reading and for sticking around! 💙 :-)

Update 1: the Schedule, Posting, and Art Quality

I learned many a thing from running this blog for the short time I have (in active periods that is), which is my brain/mental health does not cooperate very well with me and the blog in terms of schedules. The posting I was doing before was becoming stressful because I have a tendency to rush myself to not keep people waiting. In an effort to not force myself into another long hiatus I'm going to take more time with posts.

This is to not only reduce my stress but also hopefully put more quality into the art on the blog! I rushed myself a lot before when making the art for my posts, so I want to slow down and not rush so much this time around. This means posting may not be every single day, or even every 2 days. I am going to try being schedule free for now and post on my own terms. This doesn't mean weeks between posts, I just may be posting once or twice a week instead. I apologize for less posts per week, but I do want to try not to kill the blog as best I can :")

If having no set schedule is not a good solution after trying it out, I will work on a schedule to get on track again and find one that best fits me. Of course if this is the case you'll get another update.

This will also keep my motivation for the blog up in general, which segues us into new thing 2-

Update 2: Weak Motivation and ADHD Strangling my Brain

I hyperfixate a lot bc of my adhd, and for quite a while my main fixation has been multiple things that are not Sanders. Which was making me worry about wether or not I'd actually be able to return/continue the blog. But I don't want that to happen! The fact this blog lasted a week is a miracle and an achievement for me jhfkhf

The solution is not going to effect this blog! However, for those who follow my art blog this means the content over there will focus on those things instead and I will likely keep TSS content to this one! I'm not making a post over there since this kind of update is really only suited for this blog, so I want to mention it here in case.

This does mean however that if I have behind the scenes sketches I want to post, I will be posting them here! I posted the sketches for a few panels from this blog on my art blog in the past, but as a lil something extra for you guys over here I want to post those here from now on.

Update 3: Not rlly an Update, but When are Asks Open Again?

I am going to take a few days to settle back into my normal art process before opening up the box to character Qs. I need to find my groove again before hoping back into making posts, especially since I still need to get the groove for all of my non ask blog related stuff as well. I haven't been able to make tons of other content for my main accounts/personal stuff either so the next few days I am going to settle and get back into my art rhythm!

This is exactly why this is a kind of slow return, but I assure you I will be open again soon. I will make a post to let you all know when the ask box opens to character questions again, so check the pinned post within the next few days if you miss it! This will be pinned until then, but I will switch it out once I'm open for business!

Update 4: Doodle Days? Mini Events??

Every so often I thought it would be nice to do some sort of quick ask and/or doodle days. Basically the idea is while I'm working on the regular asks I could occasionally open a small event for a few hours where people can ask all of the characters stuff. They would be in the form of either quick lil doodles or just text. Most likely will be doodles tbh.

Its just a lil one shot type thing to interact with while I'm working on the regular stuff! This is also a way to ask for any of the characters without waiting until its their turn in the spotlight. This won't be all the time, again I don't wanna over work especially if I have other projects going on besides asks. But I think every so often doing something like this would be fun!

That's all the updates for now!

Thank you all so so much for your patience and for sticking around! Its very much appreciated and means a lot 💙 I hope the schedule (or lack thereof) changes aren't too bothersome, but I do think this will help me function better!

Stay safe, drink some water, and I hope you're all have a good day/night 💙💙💙 :-)

#updates #bulletin #ooc

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hitsuackerman · 4 years

Text

What in the World? (Akaashi Keiji x Reader) pt.14

a/n: and yes! i managed to write this chapter! hopefully i can still insert it to my schedule to finish the and add advance chapters :) i hope all of you like this chapter!

Akaashi’s lineup: @alluring-akaashi @oikawalmart-hq @extrasugafree @bbykiyoomi @apricotjihyo @awings @simpformiya @sayakaaaaaa @colorseeingchick @demursv1ogs @chrisrue15 @beanst0ck @parttime-simp @kit-kat428 @ntimacy @something-that-idk (i have no idea why i can’t tag some of you :( huhu )

links: part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10, part 11, part 12, part 13, part 15

The walk back to your homes was silent. Fingers tightly intertwined with no space left. Each labored breath taken was painful. None of you dared to break the silence. Footsteps and occasional cars honking were all you two could hear. The usual 20 minute walk felt like an hour.

Now standing in the middle of your houses, you finally craned your neck and stared into the sadness his dark blue eyes held. Knowing this was something you would never forget, you tore your gaze and looked at your trembling hands. Akaashi had kept his mouth shut despite your knuckles paling from your grasp.

“I’ll see you in a few minutes, yeah?” You spoke up. Voice cracking as your eyes began to water.

“You can come in via the front door. It’s fine.” His hand held on tighter than before.

“I’d like to stay longer…” A small smile managed to form on your lips despite the corners of your eyes sinking. “I’m not going anywhere, Keiji.”

“What if you will and I’m not there?” His brows furrowed. Somehow those words escaped his mouth before he could think. Gritting his teeth, his shoulders tensed as his arm quivered. He didn’t dare blink if it meant savoring the sight of you.

How you hated the world, no, the universe for bringing your friends into this peaceful world. That sentence was something you would never say but the feeling of being pulled back forcefully was horrifying. Sure, you were given a deadline of 5 days but having created such wonderful memories and bonds from scratch… Only to lose it all with on certainty of seeing their warm smiles was dreadful.

“Okay.” You took steps forward and dragged him towards his house. “If it’ll ease your soul, I’ll enter the house through my window. You can come as well and help me pack my stuff.”

“Pack?” He stopped walking. His heart probably would’ve stopped beating if it wasn’t for that forced giggle that escaped your mouth.

“I’ll be staying the night and I wanna put my things in your closet.”

“Oh.” His shoulders relaxed and he unlocked the doors. Luckily his parents weren’t home and led you straight to his bedroom. Sliding his windows open, he checked if there were any people on the opposite street, convinced that no one was around, he turned to you. “Coast is clear.”

“You’ve never crossed the bridge~” You sat on the ledge, ready to walk on air. “It’s stable so no need to freak out. It’ll feel weird tho.”

Quickly crossing, you opened your windows and entered your room, watching your boyfriend cautiously stepping onto the invisible bridge was too cute. Grabbing your phone, you recorded the whole ordeal till he was bending down to enter the household.

“How was it?” You ruffled his hair. He leaned down a bit so you could get easier access. By now he was inside your room.

“Not the best feeling but I can get used to it.” He followed you to your bed and sat down. “(y/n)?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you have any idea how they got here?”

“Based on what Midoriya told me, a bunch of machines are regulating their bodies and that his quirk is sustaining both of them. I have no idea how it works but…” Letting out an exhale, you stood up and grabbed a small bag. Chewing on your inner lip, you could feel your shoulders trembling as breathing became painful. “5 days.”

Wind knocked out from his lungs, Akaashi silently watched as you began to pack your stuff. Even if he did manage to think of something, he knew too well that the situation was nothing but one sided. Standing up, he silently went down on his knees and hugged you from behind.

“I know I can’t do anything.” He began, tightening his hold as he felt your tears soaking his sleeve. ��I’m nothing compared to them. I have no quirk, I have no control over this situation. However, it would kill me if I wouldn’t let you hear it.”

“Please don’t.” It was barely audible but the shakiness of your voice, the tears spilling down your cheeks, the unwanted pressure in your chest was more than you could take.

“Please don’t leave me.” Akaashi whispered. His head resting on your shoulders. His grip tight around your quivering body. He barely cries. He rarely shows any emotion. Yet this one was a punch to the gut. One that would forever leave a bruise.

In less than a second, you turned around and wrapped your arms around his neck. Rubbing circles on his back. Using your quirk, you managed to calm him down. Though for sure his thoughts were running wild, this was the best you could do. Not even your hero studies taught you what to say during times like these.

The hours ticked by and you found yourself about to cross the bridge. Akaashi leaning on the window sill, ready to lend a helping hand. Just as you were about to step out, a knock on your door broke the silence. Snapping your head to the direction of the sound, you let out a small curse before telling Akaashi to give you a minute.

“Mom?” You opened the door and found your mother. The look of confusion written on her face. Almost as if she were hesitant. “What’s up?”

“You have visitors…”

“Is it a blonde and a green haired boy?”

“Oh~ You guessed it right~” Before you could step out of your room, she blocked you. “Do you want me to send them home or…?”

“It’s fine. They won’t stay long.”

Going down the stairs, you saw the two boys sitting in the living room. Safe distance for them not to fight with each other. When they heard your footsteps, both of them looked your way and bowed to greet your mother as well.

“Oi. Let’s talk outside.” Bakugo said as he walked past you. Deku trailing behind him.

Standing on the dimly lit streets, you waited for any of them to start talking. Even if you were the one to start, you weren’t exactly sure what to say at this point in time.

“Break up with him.” Bakugo immediately said before Deku could open his mouth.

“No.” Stern.

“You don’t get it do you?” He waved an arm around the surroundings. “D’you even think this is all real? Do you think that maybe the world you’ve been living in for the past 7 months was your mind's own effort to create some sort of paradise? It’s fucked up how you would rather stay in this shitty scenario and give up what you’ve been training for.”

“To be honest, I can’t and don’t even have an adequate rebuttal for your statement.” Clenching your fists, you inhaled shakily. “But, all of this… I’m sure it is all but real. Not even my own quirk is capable of creating something this fast and diverse.”

Taking a step forward, Deku quickly grabbed Bakugo.

“Kacchan! Don’t…” He mumbled something low enough for you not to hear.

“Shut the fuck up Deku. If she can’t see what’s going on over on our side, then I’ll have to beat some sense into her.” Pushing Deku away, he saw how you were now in defense mode. It had been awhile since the two of you duelled. Taking into consideration that his quirk was reduced to nothing in this world, Bakugo held enough confidence to know he would rub his point till you would agree.

Charging towards you, Bakugo swung his fist to which you managed to dodge. His face met your elbow before he immediately recovered and hit your head. Hard.

With your ears ringing, you let go of him and tried to regain your balance. The pain of his head colliding with yours should’ve felt like nothing, yet this one was different. Falling to the ground, you stared at the two men standing in front of you.

Shutting your eyes to rid the pain, you opened it only to find white walls. Looking around, your eyes caught hold of heterochromatic eyes. Ones that held desperation and shock at the moment before him.

“(y/n)...?”

“Sh-Sho-” You could barely speak. Your throat felt even drier than the Sahara Desert.

Blinking once more, the white walls were replaced with a blurry vision of your unwanted visitors.

Again, you blinked and found yourself surrounded by your classmates from 2-A. The world was spinning but you caught a glimpse of two capsules. Two sleeping bodies connected to a bunch of tubes were inside. Black energy circulating some sort of tank beside them.

Their voices were now mumbled and all you could hear were fast beeping sounds from the heart monitor machine.

“Give. Her. Some. Space.” Recovery Girl spoke up. Her small figure swinging her large syringe. Grabbing a penlight, she checked your pupils and found them dilated. Taking a quick look at your monitor, she reduced that you were under an immense amount of stress. Looking at the two boys inside the capsule, the way their bodies were twitching also indicated that things were not going well.

Reaching for the Diazepam shot, Recovery Girl stuck the needle onto your lymph nodes. Just as the last dose was administered, she watched as your heart rate went back to normal and tears to run down your eyes.

The final blink and you were curled on the cement road. Down on all fours as your shoulders trembled.

“Oi.”

“(y/n)-chan?”

“Stop…” You stood up, only to lose balance. Quick to his feet, Deku caught you before you could hit the ground. Clutching tightly on to his shirt, you buried his face onto his chest and silently cried.

“If it isn’t a bother…” The two boys looked up and saw Akaashi. His blue-gray eyes intensely staring at them despite the clear evidence of pain. “I’d like to spend time with her before you take her.”

“Hold the fuck up.” Bakugo spoke up. “You know she’s not from here?”

“I’ve known for a while now.”

“If you’ve known then why don’t you just give her back to us? She doesn’t belong here and-”

“She may not belong here but she’s created a home. It may not be me or her mother, but the smiles she has shared with all of us are as true as your world.” Your crying had stopped and his gaze now focused on you. “I’m not persuading either of you to leave her alone or to stay here, but if you give this world a chance, then perhaps you’ll see why she’s reacting in such a way.”

“And what would you know, extra? You’re quirkless and can’t grasp how much of an important part it is for us.”

“So what if I’m quirkless? If I were born into your world, I would have been part of that population who were less fortunate.” Akaashi walked towards Deku and carefully extended his hand. You immediately received it. “But that wouldn’t mean my life is ruined. It just means I have to find other means to adapt.”

“Akaashi…” You tried to console him but he merely gave you the softest and most sincere smile you’ve ever seen him give. One that made Deku and Bakugo’s jaw drop.

“My time with her is as limited as can be. So please,” Taking one step away from you, Akaashi lowered his body and bowed to the two men. “Just let her spend time with her friends and family.”

“Akaashi-san!” Deku panicked. Waving his palms desperately. “Please lift your head.”

“Oi. Other world boy.” Bakugo spoke up once more. His eyes studying the person who had just bowed to him and gave a speech. “Why fight? Why pursue someone who's literally beyond your reach and would only cause nothing but pain and trouble.”

He let out a sigh and intertwined his fingers with yours.

“Because it’s her.”

“That’s it?” Bakugo’s voice was slow and controlled.

“There’s nothing more to it.”

With nothing more to ask, Bakugo grabbed Deku by the collar and walked away. Leaving the both of you alone. Looking over his shoulder, he watched as Akaashi pulled you into a tight hug, one where you did not hesitate to return.

“Kacchan… Did you hear what he said?” Deku thought out loud.

“I’m not deaf dumbass.”

“That’s not what I meant. I was just wondering. If all of this is a product of (y/n)’s quirk, those words that came out of Akaashi-san’s mouth was… odd.” His thumb and index finger resting on his chin. “I don’t think that’s something she would think about.”

“What’re you saying? You actually believe that this place we’re in is real and not a product of her body induced in drugs?”

“Hear me out…”

- - - - -

a/n: so i feel as though theres a scene that might confuse you guys... pls do send me an ask or leave a comment if you have any questions :) ill gladly answer them!

anddd feel free to follow me on twitter :)

#akaashi x reader #akaashi keiji x reader #akaashi keiji #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x bnha

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imaginationofacrazyfangirl · 4 years

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*jhs / hanahaki! au/ 🌙☆

*4.5k written

Summary: Hoseok desperately wants to continue your guy’s friendship despite his girlfriend Soo-min hating you. What he doesn’t know though is that even just being friends will kill you.

A/N: After much consideration what started off as a one-shot then two-shot, shall now have three parts. Thank you everyone for your patience. I appreciate all the support given to me.

—————————————————————————————————

White orchids spill from your mouth as you heave into the toilet only to miss. A minute passes before you collapse onto the cold tile floor of your restroom. Your eyes stare blankly at the white mocking flowers splattered with blood. How fitting for the product of your disease to be such a rare exotic flower. Most people who suffered from Hanahaki threw up roses or lilies, but you got orchids. It is as life wants to personally point out that your first and only time falling in love with someone is doomed.

Forcing the remnants of blood and flowers back into your throat, you stood up on shaky legs. It was 9:10 am last time you checked, and time you spent throwing up has fucked up your morning schedule. If you don’t change soon you’d undoubtedly be late to your morning class. “Come on (Y/N), you can do it. No stupid flowers are going to-”

“(Y/N)! Are you ready?” a familiar jovial voice calls out, causing only more flowers to fall from your lips.

Quickly you slam the door to the restroom shut, locking it for extra measure. Your mind races trying to figure out why the object of your affection Jung Hoseok was here. Sure he used to walk you to class every morning, but only to make his ex-girlfriend Soo-min jealous. Soo-min hated you with a passion. Which is why when Hoseok and her broke up, he thought fake dating you would be the best way to get her back-and it worked.

For three months you faked a relationship with Seoul University’s ‘sunshine boy’. At first you felt awkward not being a people person and Hoseok was under the impression that you were some sort of monster. Eventually though you two passed those hurdles. Hoseok broke through your icy barriers, he became your first friend and through him you began to make other friends. Everything went perfectly except for the fact you began to fall for him.

It started slow, but you could feel the symptoms progressing each day. His love began thawing the ice around your heart. Then a seed planted itself in it sprouting leaves that grew like ivy. Soon after flowers escaped your mouth the sure sign of an unrequited love. Your love for him was real. Probably more real than anything Soo-min could give him. However Hoseok felt oppositely hence the Hanaki disease.

“(Y/N)? Are you in there? “ Hoseok knocks. “It’s kind of late to be getting ready. Did you oversleep?”

“Yeah.” You croak. “I just got up. What …what are you doing here, Hoseok? Didn’t you and Soo-min get back together?”

It’s a question you already know the answer to, but you can’t help not to ask. You need to know for sure, before you make any decisions regarding your Hanahaki, you need to Hoseok got his wish. “….we did, but that doesn’t we can’t still be friends-”

His answer both hurts and relieves you at the same time.

“It means exactly that, Sunshine boy. You can’t be friends with me. You can’t even talk to me unless you want Soo-min to hate you.” You say, hardening your heart.

Hoseok isn’t the type to abandon a friend for girl. Not even if he’s only known them for a few months. Which is why you need to be the bad guy here…for both your sakes. “(Y/N)…” Hoseok says.

Taking a deep breath you opened the door coming face to face with the cherry haired boy you loved. His dark eyes gaze at you sadness radiating through them. You have a feeling he knows how right you are, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. “We can’t. Being friends with you will only cause pain and trouble for us. Trust me.” you reaffirm.

Hoseok shakes his head. “I don’t believe that. Not for one second. You are my friend whether Soo-min or anyone else wants you to be or not.”

A vine shoots out at his words coiling tightly around your rib. It takes everything within you not to double over in pain as it bruises muscle and bone. You are so far gone, any sort of relationship with Hoseok will kill you. “What about what I want? What if I don’t want to be friends anymore? What if I am tired of dealing with you and everyone else?’ You snap uncontrollably. “I don’t want to do it, Hoseok. I don’t want to be your friend anymore. Alright?! “

Hoseok doubles back a crushed look on his face. “Alright. If that’s what you want, I’ll leave you alone then.”

“It is.” You say looking away . You can’t handle the expression on his face. It hurts more than anything the Hanahaki does to you. A ray of sunshine like him should never be anything less than shining, especially not at the expense of an ice queen like you.

Later that night you receive a visit from Yoongi, Hoseok’s best friend/fraternity brother and the only other person who knows about your disease. The blonde haired boy arrives with an assortment of medicines, books, and pamphlets revolving around Hanahaki. It’s a sight that makes you both laugh and cry at the same time. “I heard you broke up with Hobi.” Yoongi says as he enters your dorm.

You snort, shaking your head. “We weren’t really dating to begin with, so how can we break up?”

“He looks awful. Almost as if you murdered his whole family in front of him.” Yoongi mentions. “Seriously I’ve never seen him so upset. Not even when Soo-min broke up with him.”

You look down ashamed. “I didn’t want to hurt him, but I-”

“You had to.” Yoongi finishes knowingly. It’s only been a few days since you revealed to him your secret, but already Yoongi could see the damage done to you by this disease. You are paler than normal, skinnier too with dark circles under your eyes. Your lips are chapped and your hair lost whatever shine used to be there. Overall you look like shit and Yoongi feels so fucking guilty for not noticing sooner.

“He’ll kill me.” You whisper sadly. “Just by being around me, this plant will grow and strangle me to death. It’s not fair-especially for Hoseok, who didn’t even ask for my affection. So I have to stay away for both our sake.”

It sucks, but you don’t doubt sunshine boy will bounce back. You’re merely another side note in his novel of a life after all. “Have you decided what to do yet?” Yoongi asks, looking over the pamphlets. “They have tablets that are supposed to reduce hanahaki growth, but they aren’t a permanent solution.”

“There are only two solutions to hanahaki disease: death and surgery.” Tears well up at the thought. Neither option is preferably, especially since you know first hand the consequences behind them.

“I hope you aren’t seriously thinking about death. I mean I get that you love Hobi, but it’s only a feeling. It’s not worth your life.” Yoongi says, his dark eyes pinning you with a look. “Besides it’s not like you two can’t be friends afterwards.”

Your lips curl into a bitter smile at his words. Memories of a vacant stare and careless question of ‘who are you?’ flash before your eyes. Yoongi’s naivety is not his fault. The horrors behind hanahaki surgery are such that even doctors belittle its effects. After all who wants to hear that the person they loved will be forever erased from their memories?

And like that night three days ago you confide in Yoongi about your horrible truth. “Hey Yoongi…have you seen someone go through hanahaki surgery?”

Three hours later Yoongi stumbles home wanting to throw up. Your words play like a never ending loop in his head gripping tightly to his heart. ‘My parents suffered through Hanahaki disease when I was little. My mother died from it and my father forgot everything.”

His knees buckle as he steps inside the frat house. For once it is silent. No one up playing video games in the living room, no loud music blasting, or groups of people conversing simply silence, something Yoongi can’t tell if he’s grateful for or not. On one hand he could use the distraction-the noise to blare out your tearful story, whereas on the other hand Yoongi’s glad no one is around to see him like this.

“Fuck.” he whispers to no one. “Fuck. Fuck..Fuuuuccck.”

He’s haunted by the calm expression on your face as you whispered. ‘Everyone thought my parents had a happy marriage. After all, my father loved my mother and she always smiled but I guess not all smiles equal happiness…my mother loved someone else. Who? No one knows. She never gave any indication of fancy someone other than my father. No one knew until I found her propped up against the toilet, roses sprouting from her lips like some macabre painting.“

Seven. Seven fucking years old when you found your mother dead, yet you spoke as if she simply gotten a cold. If he didn��t know any better Yoongi would’ve thought you to be soulless. However the orchids clamouring out of your own body only proves how much of a heart you did have. “Hey, man is everything alright?” Hoseok’s voice comes, as he steps into view.

He’s dressed in his normal sleepwear, a white t-shirt and boxers cladded in cartoon birds. His hair is disheveled which normally meant he was sleeping, if not for the purple bruises decorating his neck. Anger flashes through Yoongi at the sight. Soo-min must be over, that fucking bitch. “Fine. Sorry for waking you up.”

“I wasn’t really sleeping.” Hoseok shrugs.

“I’ve noticed.” Yoongi says dryly. Logically the blonde knows it unfair to be mad at his friend. It isn’t Hobi’s fault you fell in love with him. Nor his fault that he loved Soo-min…but Yoongi can’t help himself-especially since Soo-min replaced you. (You might’ve gotten over her bullying you, but Yoongi hadn’t.)

“Ah yeah, Soo-min got a little wild. She’s never been this possessive before.” Hoseok laughed. “If making her jealous is all I got to do for sex like that, I’ll have to do it more often.”

Yoongi didn’t even bother faking a smile. Hoseok already knew how much he and the rest of the guys hated Soo-min. “Whatever you say, just keep it down okay? I have a math test tomorrow.”

Hoseok nods. “Of course. Sleep tight Yoongs! Don’t let the bedbugs bite.”

“That’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard.” Yoongi grumbles, walking away. Hoseok’s laugh echoes down the hall as Yoongi heads to his room. It is not until he falls back onto his soft bed that Yoongi allows the final tidbit of your confession to play.

‘Forget. That’s what the surgery makes you do. It doesn’t only erase emotions of love, it erases all memories pertaining to it as well. When my father returned from his surgery the first thing he said to me was, ‘who’s kid is this?”

Forget or die, two shitty options for someone who already had it shitty. Yoongi closes his eyes thumbing the pair of keys belonging to a certain roommate of his. Slowly he slips the key covered in mickey mouse prints off. There isn’t much he can do to help you make your decision, but perhaps Yoongi can make life a little easier for you.

A week passes from that day and Hoseok can’t ignore the gnawing feeling that something is wrong. He knows your guy’s friendship has ended, but the cherry haired boy can’t keep his distance. Not when every cell in his body screams for him to fix this somehow.

After three months of fake dating you somehow became a permanent fixture in his life. He misses teasing you about your bad breakfast choices, or forcing you to eat an actual meal instead of coffee for lunch. He misses the way you listened to him, barely muttering more than ‘uh huh, ok, yeah’; it always seemed like you weren’t listening until you surprised him with a question or comment.

Hoseok just misses you period.

Which is why he decided to give your friendship one more shot. Surely if he misses you this much you feel the same. Memories of your callous words from a week ago come to mind tormenting his fear, suddenly Hoseok feels like he can’t breathe. You said he annoyed you, that you were tired of him, but that was just because you were scared of losing him to Soo-min? Once you see how genuine he is, you two will go back to being friends.

"I don’t want your stupid apple. I’ve already eaten. ” Hoseok perks up at the sound of your voice. He’s been sitting on the steps of the language building for the past half hour waiting for you. Your name dances on the tip of his tongue. Eagerly he opens his mouth to call out to you but freezes at the sight of a familiar blonde walking beside you.

"A gogurt and a cup of coffee doesn’t count as lunch, dumb ass. Now eat the apple, it’ll help you from getting sick. “ Yoongi says, shoving the red fruit into your hands.

Something within Hoseok twists, he finds himself nearly doubling over in pain. A dark ember burns in his stomach, suddenly Hoseok wants nothing more than to punch Yoongi. "She hates apples. ” Hoseok can’t help but inform. “It’s her least favorite fruit. ”

Both you and Yoongi jerk surprised by his presence. As if on instinct Yoongi steps forward blocking your view from him, it causes Hoseok’s blood to boil more. “Hey Hobi, waiting for Soo-min?” Yoongi asks nonchalantly.

Hoseok bit his cheek suddenly remembering Soo-min has a class right before yours. The two of you share the same major meaning your schedules often coincided. He walked you to class everyday just to show off your “relationship."

"Something like that."

"Cool. See you at home I guess.” Yoongi nods, pulling you with him towards the door. You barely even glance up at Hoseok as you’re led away.

Again something twists violently in the pit of his stomach and the question, 'are you guys together,’ slips through his teeth before Hoseok can stop. The two of you freeze, Yoongi’s fingers tightening around your wrist. Suddenly Hoseok doesn’t want to know the answer.

"Something like that. “ Yoongi replies, dragging you into the building.

Three weeks go by since your 'break up’ with Hobi, and ironically, you find yourself in another fake relationship this time with Yoongi. Unlike your previous pseudo-relationship this one contains nothing more platonic love. There are no fake dates or pet names. Yoongi doesn’t treat you like some girl he’s in love with. Instead he forces broth and anti-growth pills down your throat only to hold your hair back when white petals flow back up from it. He shields you from Hoseok, Soo-min and the judgemental glances of the world, protecting you from harm. No, Min Yoongi is a god send, but you aren’t in love with him.

Sometimes you wish you were though. Loving Yoongi sounds easier than loving Hoseok, but that could simply be wishful thinking. After all, Yoongi and Hoseok are two different elements. Hoseok is the warm sun melting away all your defenses, while Yooongi is a winter’s breeze offering relief from the sun’s rays while fortifying your protection. "So the date has been set. A week from now I’ll have the surgery and this will all be over. ” you announce, ignoring the painful ache in your chest

The idea of forgetting Hoseok scares you. You don’t want to forget him or the way he’s made you feel. As selfish as it sounds Hoseok is the first person to show you affection in years. Your family basically ostracized you after they discovered your father’s amnesia. While he could learn to love you again the possibility of him remembering your mother ran too high. So instead you lived as his niece with an aunt and uncle who despised you, because you looked like your mother.

Yoongi nods, glancing over at the calendar. He can’t help but frown at the date circled in red. “I know this is the only viable solution, but I feel like I should ask you if this is what you really want?”

"No, but I don’t want to die either.“ You say softly. "As much as I want to hold onto these feelings of love, they don’t really belong to me, you know? Hoseok loves Soo-min. They’re her feelings not mine. ”

Yoongi’s frowns. “Soo-min only loves herself. You know it, I know it, and deep down Hobi does too.”

"Maybe but it doesn’t change a thing.“ You murmur, eyeing the date. Your grip tightens around the mug you hold. You don’t want to admit but you’re scared; scared of waking up the exact person you were before Hoseok: cold, intruding and alone.

Yoongi shoots a knowing glance. "Something else bugs you, doesn’t it? ”

You take a sip of your tea. “ Don’t worry. It’s stupid stuff. "

It’s three days before your surgery that you see Hoseok for the first time in a month. Logically you know you should avoid him even if the appointment is less than forty-eight hours away. However you find yourself staying at the coffee shop, eyes unlocking from the cherry haired boy. 'Just one more glance.’ You assure yourself. 'Something to carry with me onto the operating table that’s all I want. ’

But it’s more than one glance it’s several long stares, watching as the boy talks animatedly amongst his friends. He looks so happy right now practically glows like the sun. The sight is so beautiful it causes your heart to bear faster. This is what you wanted to see. Hoseok happy and carefree even if it is without you.

You smile, ignoring the painful pulse your heart gives when the Hanahaki’s vine squeezes around it. This is how things are meant to be. Hoseok deserves a life filled with equally bright people. He deserves happiness in every form. You aren’t.

A content sigh escapes you. You swore to Yoongi, you accepted the surgery with no regrets, but that was all a lie. Seeing Hoseok like this though, so free and unaffected by your absence, you can finally let go of the little doubt holding you back.

"Order for (Y/N)!” The barista calls out sliding your drink across the counter.

You cringe at how loud they are; internally hoping that Hoseok hadn’t heard your name. Seeing him from afar is dangerous enough, if you actually interacted with him… You push the thought out of your head, quickly exiting the cafe, completely unaware of the eyes following you.

"You okay man? You’ve been staring at the barista an awful lot. “

Hoseok blinks, tearing his gaze away from where you stood. The moment you walked into the cafe Hoseok could only focus on you. It is like everything else disappeared except for you. "Yeah I’m fine. "

"You sure? Because if you like the dude that much, I can get you his number. ” Another, Jo Kwon teases. “Though I think Soo-min would kill both of us- wait! Isn’t that (Y/N) up there? Didn’t you two used to date before you and Soo-min got back together?”

Hoseok nods barely listening. His focus once again on you, this time watching you leave. Neither Dino or Jo Kwon knew about the dumb deal or how sweet Seoul University’s Ice Queen really was. While they are good friends, they were nowhere near close enough for Hoseok to feel comfortable sharing his secret.

"Gotta say you must’ve been really off your rocker, Hoseok. Dating such a scary girl. “ Dino snorts.

"Seriously, I heard (Y/N) got arrested for murdering her parents, but since she was a kid no one believed she did it.” Jo Kwon says. “You know someone should warn Yoongi-hyungnim about her. They’re together now aren’t they?”

"Something like that…" Hoseok mutters. His chest burns at the mention of Yoongi and you. While you refuse to even look his way, you have no qualms hanging on Yoongi’s every word and move. It is like Yoongi’s the sun and you’re the earth orbiting around him- it pisses Hoseok to no end and he can’t explain why.

"Maybe he just figured she’s an easy lay. I mean a girl like her is probably desperate for attention. She’s probably spreading her legs for anyone who looks at her-“ Hoseok’s fist hits Dino’s face before either one can process what is happening.

The younger boy falls to the ground with a loud crash, causing everyone to stare at them. "What the fuck man!? You just hit me. ” Dino sputters wide eyed.

"And I’ll do it again if I ever hear either of you talk about (Y/N) like that again.“ Hoseok threatens. The anger within him is uncontrollable. He can’t explain it. Especially when it is not only Dino and Jo Kwon who pisses him off, but Yoongi too. Just the mere sight of the blonde sickened him nowadays.

"You’re crazy man. She’s a freak and she made you one too!” Jo Kwon says.

Luckily, all it takes is a warning look to have them scrambling out of the coffee shop. “Assholes.” Hoseok mutters, ignoring the still plentiful stares at him. He reaches for his coffee only to pause when his stomach turns suddenly. Annoyed Hoseok pushes the cup away. He must be getting sick.

Word of the fight spreads across the campus like wildfire. Fury does not explain the anger Soo-min feels when she hears about her boyfriend’s outburst. In all the years she dated Hoseok never once did he get offended for her sake. Boys literally listed off her body count at parties and Hoseok merely shrugged asking Soo-min. 'why does it matter when everyone knows you’re mine?“

Mine. The claim used to send shivers down Soo-min’s spine. Yes, she was his. Just like how she owned him. They were meant to be no matter how many times they broke up. It didn’t matter if Soo-min decided to date around a little, because Hoseok would wait for her.

At least so she thought until one day Hoseok ended up on the arm of her biggest enemy. Originally Soo-min assumed he simply wanted her jealous- a clever ploy really, after all wherever she went you two appeared. Three weeks later though, you started wearing Hoseok’s hoodies. After that Beta-Tau-Sigma invited you to their house, a privilege which took Soo-min months to achieve, but the real straw to the camel’s back happened when Hoseok threatened her.

The cherry haired boy who cared little about gossip finally spoke out against it and not for her sake. In that moment Soo-min realized the relationship between Hoseok and you ran deeper than she assumed. For the first time in her life, Soo-min felt threatened in Hoseok’s and her relationship. So she ended it.

With a bat of the eyelashes and the purse of her lips, Soo-min took back what was hers. Once again Hoseok and her were together while you cried your ugly heart out. Everything went back to normal. Except it didn’t.

Hoseok refused to leave you alone. He was determined to have some sort of relationship with you, despite now being with her. Not even you dating his own best friend stopped Hoseok’s unsettling obsession with you.

"I don’t expect you to understand, but (Y/N) is someone special to me. I can’t just let her go. ” he told her one night.

He was right. Soo-min didn’t understand. Nor did she want to. What Soo-min wants is you gone. “(Y/N) (L/N), you fucking slut! Stay away from my boyfriend!” She hollers, charging after you.

You stare at her confused. The sight spurs her rage more so. How dare you act clueless! As if you don’t know what you are doing? She pushes past the throng of students cornering you against a tree. It’s just her no posse unlike last time. Not that Soo-min needs one to kick your ass.

Since elementary school, she has worked to put you in your place. The only difference now is the strange attachment Min Yoongi has towards you. Last time he stopped her from teaching you a well deserved lesson. Today however he won’t be able to save you. “I’m not in the mood Soo-min. ” you mutter, walking around her.

She grabs onto your hair yanking it. A small gasp escapes you as you tumble onto the ground. “Well I am. So you are going to listen to me and listen real good you got it?”

"Fucking psycho. “ you spit.

Her hands twist, tightening the pull on your hair. You reach up trying to pull away, but Soo-min’s stronger. "Me? Psycho? No no you’re the heartless ice queen here. You might’ve tricked Hoseok and everyone else into thinking you’re some innocent little girl, but you and I know the truth. You are unlovable.”

You let out a loud laugh surprising her. “Again with that hanahaki shit? You and our family have been holding that over my head for fifteen years. My father’s disease wasn’t my fault. Nor was it my mother’s. ”

Taking Soo-min off guard, your right leg sweeps back, knocking her off balance. She loses grip on your hair allowing you to push back. You stand towering over her. “Love is an uncontrollable force. You can’t choose who you love. Just like you can’t choose who loves you back.”

Soo-min snorts. “What do you know about love? Your mother chose to love over her daughter, and your father chose life over you too. Meanwhile Hoseok only used you to get me back. He never loved you and he never will-”

A small cough breaks through her rant. One tiny hiccup like cough that normally would go overlooked if not for a single orchid petal escaping your lips. She freezes eyes locked on the white petal.

"You…“ She hardly managed to say the word when you turn tails running.

Her body moves on its own chasing after you. She doesn’t want to admit it. Doesn’t want to acknowledge it but Soo-min’s scared. As much as she hates you, you are still her cousin. It doesn’t take long for her to catch up to you. Out of the two of you, she’s always been the more athletic one. Moreover thanks to the disease, you hardly make it a few feet before heaving a basket of flowers up.

Soo-min stares at the blood soaked plants in horror. Full stems. You are throwing up whole plants. "You are dying. ”

The words come out more blatantly then she intends, but you snort nonetheless. “Yeah, I am. Don’t celebrate yet though. I’m getting the surgery.”

"You. You are in love.“ She continues speechless. 'But how? I mean who? Is it Hoseok?”

"Yoongi.“ You correct quickly. "I’m in love with Yoongi. He ah he doesn’t love me though. He loves someone else so we broke up.”

"Oh.“ Her throat tightens around the word. For the first time ever Soo-min does not know how to react. Deep inside she wants to reach out, comfort you, scream at Min Yoongi until she’s blue however she can’t. Not only does Soo-min know you won’t accept it, but there’s still something within that holds onto her parents’ prejudice

"Does he know?” Soo-min asks.

You shake your head. “No. Nor does he need to. In two days this will all be a forgotten memory.”

Soo-min frowns. Her heart squeezes pain at the thought. It’s funny she’s always wanted to see you suffer, but not like this. Despite being little during your parents’ illness Soo-min remembers clearly everything that happened. From the hole your mother cut through you and your father’s heart to her uncle’s empty expression after the surgery. More than anything she remembers her warm fun loving cousin falling into herself. The person who was once her best friend suddenly distanced herself from everyone including Soo-min.

It is a memory that stirs up something within Soo-min, she hasn’t felt in a long time…: guilt.

#jung hoseok x reader #hoseok imagine #hoseok x reader #bts imagines #bts x reader #bts #jhope x reader #bts jhope #min yoongi x reader #yoongi x reader #hobi x reader #hobi

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kaleidescope-writes · 4 years

Text

Faithfully Yours-- Chapter 1: Little Shit

In partnership with @accio-boys

Billionaire!Tom Hiddleston x Doctor!Reader

Slow Burn! (Yay)

Warnings: Swearing, distracted walking/driving (Please don’t text and walk!), dangerous act (Don’t kick the bumper of a moving car!!), Mentions of alcohol, more swearing.

Masterlist

Five pm. Normally at this time, you’d be either on call, in a board meeting, or prepping for your next surgery. Being one of New York’s top doctors, you were always in the hospital working, doing everything in your power to save lives. Today however, your own life had different plans. Your brother, Quentin, had some big announcement he wanted--more like “needed”--you to be there to hear. This required you to go to the one place you rarely ever go to; your own apartment. A sad thought, really. You’re never there, but your family takes it upon themselves to occupy the apartment, hosting their parties and get-togethers. It’s always clean, so it makes sense.

You walked out of your office into the hall, ready to leave for the night. As you made your way to the elevator, you saw Luke walk out of it. He walked out into the hall to greet you, “Punching out for the night, Dr. L/N?” You smiled, “Yes I am, Dr. Beasley. What’s your schedule for the night?”

“Mainly just post-op checks and preparing for tomorrow’s surgery. My patient has a cyst in her left ovary that hasn’t reduced in size with treatment, so I want to remove it before it causes more symptoms. Honestly, I’m looking forward to it,” Luke finished with a smile as you both walked into the elevator and pressed the button for the first floor. “Just don’t over work yourself. Make sure you eat when I’m gone,” you teased. Luke scoffed, giving you a playful glare. “This is coming from the person that gets [maybe] four hours of rest for every 36 hours she’s working,” he pointed out. You just shrugged, “Hard work and dedication. Saving lives is a full-time job.” He laughed as the elevator door opened. You walked out, making your way to the exit with Luke still walking beside you.

“You should get to those post-ops, I’d hate to keep you from your job,” you said, stopping momentarily to say goodbye. “As your friend, I have to make sure nothing happens to you on the way out. If anything does, I’m responsible for carrying you back in,” Luke smirked. You rolled your eyes and lightly punched his shoulder, “Nothing’s going to happen to me on the way out. I’ll be fine. I’ll see you tomorrow before the surgery.” You hugged him briefly before giving him one last smile as you walked away. Making your way to the door, you heard Luke call out one last time, “Don’t get hit on the way out, I need you.” You laughed, opening the door as you called back, “I won’t!”

Making your way to your car down the street, you took out your phone to text Quentin back. You typed away on your phone, still walking in the direction of your car, only stopping briefly to read back the message you typed; “Just got out, be there in a few. Save me some food.” You sent the message and looked up, putting your phone away and continuing to walk towards your car. As you stepped off the sidewalk to cross the street, a black jaguar came speeding toward you. Reacting quickly, you took a step back, kicking the car’s bumper to get the driver’s attention as you yelled, “Watch it, asshole!” The car stopped in front of you as you stood a few feet away from the curb and the driver’s door opened. A tall, brunette man wearing a blue suit got out. Sunglasses covered his eyes, despite the sun beginning to set. “Excuse me?” he asked indignantly in an, otherwise, intriguing accent as he moved to stand a foot away from you. “You almost hit me, douche!” you snapped, looking up to meet his, well, sunglasses. He just chuckled angrily, “Maybe look where you’re going next time. I’ve heard that helps.”

You scoffed infuriated, unable to believe his nerve. “You have no idea who you’re messing with,” you threatened, “Listen here, you little shit--” He rolled his eyes, laughing as he began to walk to his car, “Whoever you are, pay attention to the road. Someone else may not be as good a driver as I.” He laughed again as he got back in his car and drove away, leaving you to look at him as he drove off. “That motherfucker,” you whispered to yourself.

The elevator door opened, allowing you to walk in and start heading up to the twenty second floor. You pressed the button to your floor and waited for the elevator to stop. You took this time to reflect on your day, specifically on one particular asshole that almost ended it early. Shaking your head, you decided not to give him more thought than he deserved. You looked back at the doors as the elevator came to a stop. As soon as the doors opened, you made your way down the hall towards your door. Knowing that your family was already waiting for you inside, you chose not to take out your keys since the door would be open.

As soon as you reached the door, it opened, revealing your brother who was impatiently waiting for your arrival. “Finally,” he breathed out as soon as he saw you. He grabbed your arm and pulled you inside almost harshly. Your parents looked over to the door where you and your brother were. “Y/N, you’re here! We can get started now,” your mother smiled. You looked around the room, instantly noticing more people in your apartment than usual. “What’s the occasion?” you asked eyeing the additional people in the room skeptically.

“Well now that you’re here, I can finally make my announcement,” Quentin said, handing you a glass of champagne. Taking it, you gave him a quizzical look as he began to get everyone’s attention. “Now that we are all here, I want to announce something that I hope brings everyone as much joy as it has brought us,” he motions to a girl you didn’t recognize, “I’m happy to announce that Temperance and I are engaged!” You nearly dropped the glass in your hand as everyone in the apartment began to cheer. Quentin is engaged? You remember him having a few girlfriends in the past, but they never seemed serious. Then again, you hadn’t gone to a family reunion in almost a year because of your job. Could that be why you didn’t recognize his girlfriend? Could that be why you didn’t recognize anyone else?

The guests were congratulating Quentin while you stood by, still in awe of what was going on. “Surprised?” your mother asked behind you. “When did Quentin meet her? Isn’t it too soon?” you asked in return. “They’ve been together for two years now, Y/N. Frankly, he took his sweet time in proposing,” she responded. Two years!

“You’ve been working too much. You hardly know your own family,” she mentions, taking your glass and filling it all the way. You looked at her in confusion, “I think what I had was enough.” She gave it back to you and put a hand on your shoulder, “You’ll need it. This isn’t the only announcement that will be shared tonight.” You raised an eyebrow as a man approached the two of you. “This is a nice little assembly Genevieve,” he complimented, giving her a short side hug. “I’m happy you think so, James,” she responded before turning back to you, “Honey, this is James Hiddleston. You probably don't know this, but his family is close with ours.” James extended his hand to you, which you reluctantly shook. “So this is the lovely Y/N,” he smiled, “I’m happy I finally get the chance to meet you, dear.” You smiled back awkwardly, “I could say the same, but I had no knowledge of this whole affair.” James chuckled, catching you off guard a bit. Something about it seemed familiar. “You’re lovely, witty, and intelligent. You will be a perfect addition to the family,” he admired.

Before you could respond, the door to your apartment opened. “Sorry I’m late, the charity event dragged on and I wanted to get a nice bottle for the occasion,” a familiar voice spoke. The same voice that almost hit you with a black jaguar.

“Son of a Bitch,” you hissed, turning to confirm your suspicions. There he stood, in the same blue suit that almost made you despise the color. “That little shit is here?” you asked, mostly to yourself. “Tom!” your mother greeted, “So nice of you to join us.” She pulled him in for a quick embrace. “This can’t be happening,” you whispered. Your family knew the asshole that almost killed you earlier and had the absolute audacity to blame you for it. This was ridiculous. First your brother gets engaged to a girlfriend he’d apparently been with for two years and you didn’t know because of your job. Now you had to deal with the fact that this little shit knew your family. And was close with your mother!

“Late, my son? Your mother and I raised you to be punctual and respectful,” James scolded him playfully. The little shit--Tom-- just stood there and smiled, giving him a quick hug as well. This can’t be happening. Your family was close with the family of that imprudent prick you just had to meet. This was an absolute nightmare and something in your stomach told you it would only get worse from here.

“Darling,” your mother said, turning her attention back to you, “I want you to meet--” “Tom,” you interrupted, “The little shit I met earlier today.” You glared at him as your mother looked between the two of you. “You’ve met?” she asked, not noticing your glares. “We had a bit of a run-in earlier today,” he simply said, giving you a smirk. “Run-in is not exactly how I would describe it,” you hissed, anger increasing with his smirk. He winked, taunting you further.

“That’s perfect!” your mother smiled, turning to face everyone, “This will make things much easier.” You looked at her in shock as she asked for everyone’s attention, James turning his attention to the group as well. “Lovely to see you again, Dr. Y/N,” the asshole muttered, taking your glass and drinking it himself. You couldn’t bother to acknowledge him, still looking at your mother and waiting for your explanation. “Now that we are all here, I too would like to make a special announcement,” she began, “ As you know, both the L/N’s and the Hiddlestons have been closely associated for well over a year. Both our families have been supportive of each other when needed and have maintained a good relationship.” You were utterly confused. How could all this happen with you not aware?

“Because of this, the heads of both families have come to a decision that would unite our families. My daughter, Y/N, has already met Tom, so this is much easier to announce. Our hope for both families can be realized. We have decided that as of today, preparations will begin to unite both Tom and Y/N in marriage.”

What the actual fuck?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Chapter One done!! I hope you enjoyed it as I enjoyed working with @accio-boys to make it. What did you think? Feel free to comment or reblog with your thoughts as feedback is appreciated and encouraged. It was a little delayed because we wanted it to be perfect to post, so better late than never right? Anyway, thank you for reading! Go check out @accio-boys ‘s blog!! I love you all, Stay safe, Be careful, Stay proud, and I’ll see you soon!!

Taglist is OPEN

@myraiswack @falling4uke @accio-boys @ashcrimson-is-writing @just-trying-to-survive-marvel @whathefuckrichard69 @blue-honey-bee-from-france @frostedgiant @allthecreativeonesaretaken @hunterofartemisblog lyka-k @racewife2004 @juniperwoodwell

#tom hiddelston x reader #tom hiddelson #tom hiddelston imagine #tom hiddleston #thomas hiddleston #loki fanfic #tom hiddles #loki fandom #thomas william hiddleston #tom hiddleston imagine #tom hiddleston x ofc #tom hiddleston x you #tom hiddleston x reader #thomas hiddleston x reader

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m00nlitknight · 4 years

Text

emergency contact.

fandom: IT (2017) -- in a more modern setting pairing: henry bowers / reader ( gender neutral ) word count: 2.4k+ warnings: hospitals. foot & shoulder injuries. past relationships. henry being a bit of an asshole but also just grumpy cos he was awoken. taglist: @rvf3 extra: based a lot off of a dialogue prompt i fount while perusing pinterest! sorry my updates have been so bad lately but i hope you like this ♡ thank you for reading! + masterlist.

Responsibility. Gained through years of maturing with the understanding that sacrifices must be made. Giving up things one is used to doing to in turn be given an inkling of consideration for worthiness and respect in the eyes of the world.

To you, it meant having to give up the adrenaline-rush of teenagerdom that came in the form of a backwards sleep schedule in comparison to those around you for being able to work. A sacrifice which you were more than willing to take, mainly for being able to reap the monetary rewards.

So you did what you’d grown used to, a dull routine you’d come to dub ‘the baby steps into adulthood,’ which began with going to bed at a reasonable hour. You settled in, read until your eyelids became too heavy to bear, and dozed off with the stars as your voyeur. It was a peaceful slumber, until your phone - at full volume - rang into the still and night-stale air.

You awoke with a start, jolting with tenseness before sighing and relaxing. Your hand, groggy and zombie-like, padded around your bedside table for the cellphone, eyes still mashed into the pillow to try and soften the attack of the senses that came in the form of a shrill and default ringtone.

Finally, by the third ring, you managed to grip it and drag it to your ear. “Hello?” your voice was thick and gravel-like, coming out in a deep murmur you were hardly able to register yourself.

“Hello, are we reaching,” the voice on the other side came out clear and feminine, despite the underlying tiredness that went under your own radar. She paused momentarily, before saying your name with a questioning tone.

“Yes…? Who is this?” whether it be the professionalism shown by the woman or the alarm of being awoken in the dead of night by someone who knew your name.

“Fantastic, this is Derry Home Hospital and we’re reaching you on account of Henry Bowers signing you as his emergency contact.”

“Huh?”

“Would...would you like me to repeat that?”

“No -- no, I’ll be down there as quickly as possible, thank you for calling.”

“Alright, thank you for your cooperation, and see you soon,” with that the woman was gone, leaving you to quickly ruminate over what the hell Henry had done.

Your history with him wasn’t exactly tidy, having gone through an on-again off-again relationship throughout highschool, mostly being left by him due to your ‘overly emotional’ nature. However, these were mostly after arguments and fights initiated by him for petty reasons. Eventually, after you’d graduated and found yourself on that mid-June morning, all contact with him had been reduced to some times you’d saw him in public. You’d cast a gaze his way, then quickly do anything and everything in your power to either appear busy or disappear completely.

Groaning, you dragged yourself from bed, and did your best to work with getting ready in a timely fashion. Truth be told, you honestly did not want to come face-to-face with the guy you’d been successfully avoiding for the past month. But, when fate came ringing on your phone, what were you able to do? Sighing through your nose, in the haze of a rude awakening, you pulled on the most comfortable but presentable clothing you could find, inclusive of a flannel, tank top, and pair of sweatpants. Considering the shape these people had seen in the past, they could bear to see your tired eyes and laziness.

Before heading out the door, you briefly brushed your teeth, grabbed a water bottle, your keys, and wallet containing identification. Though you hadn’t glanced at any clocks, you could deduce that it was the early morning, just before the sun was getting ready to come over the horizon. Dark and starless.

The drive wasn’t exactly unpleasant, but you couldn’t really call it a tranquil drive, either. What had Henry wound up doing? Why was he in the hospital? Was he gravely injured? Where the fuck were his friends? Even if it had felt like a wash of panic was coming over you, it was undeniably far less intense then the first two times you’d been called as his emergency contact. Whatever the reason, he kept putting you down, practically claiming you as the most important and safest person in his life.

Fellow headlights were few and far between on the road, streetlights illuminating further then what your own car was doing for you. Eventually, the fluorescent lighting of the hospital came into view, attracting you like an unfortunate moth to it.

Pulling into a space, you sighed in preparation of the worst. The last two times you’d been there for him, he had been drugged up and nearly impossible to understand. No matter what he looked like, you just hoped that he was going to be a tolerable presence. With that thought, you headed into the main doors to reception.

“Hello,” you greeted, timid and taking a brief moment to hear your voice bounce against the walls and let your voice register. “I, uh, was called as an emergency contact for my friend?”

“Oh, yes, are you here for Mr. Bowers?” as she spoke, you registered her voice to be that of the nurse on the other side.

“Yeah! Yeah, that’s me.”

“His room number is number forty-four, I’ll show you to it,” she said, getting up and showing you down the pristine and sterile hallways. On the way there, you take note of the few turns and landmarks that may need to navigate later. She stepped into another room, one meant to house multiple patients, but with all but one bed empty. “Here you are, another nurse will be seeing you shortly for his discharge.”

You padded further into the room, getting a good look at your peer laying on the bed, appearing to be fast asleep. “Henry?” You called out to him, the volume a bit of a strain against the tiredness practically coating your entire mind.

He awoke with a jolt, head jerking over to you with a scowl before softening slightly. “Oh. S’just you,” through the initial distaste you could feel a faint sense of relief from him.

“Yeah, just me,” you took a seat at his bedside. “What’d you do?”

“Right out the gate with the questions, huh?”

“Yep. Now what’d you do, Hen?”

“Broke my foot ‘n dislocated a shoulder. It was a fuckin’ blur how it all happened, so I don’t really remember all the fine details….my friends left me here, though.”

“Don’t they always,” you mumbled, taking a second to glance down at your phone and allowed your thoughts to flow into your focus. 4:22 a.m. It was likely you wouldn’t be able to get back to bed. Should you call in, allow yourself to take a day off? Or should you rely on the power of caffeine and power through it?

“What happened t’us?” his voice cut through the ebb and flow of the silence, the sound alone startling you into the present.

“Huh?”

“It’s like we saw each other every day then jus’ -- stopped,” his brows knit together as you looked to him, confusion blooming on each of your features, but with different origins.

“I don’t...I don’t know?”

“Neither do I...I miss it. I miss you ‘n the way or you made me feel,” his face contorted further, like he was trying to solve a complicated math problem. You shifted in your seat awkwardly and casted your gaze anywhere but him once again.

“I...I guess we just sorta fell off, Hen--”

“Don’t use that fuckin’ nickname with me,” he snapped, looking to you with a sudden harsh tone. “S’been, what? Two months since you spoke to me, four since y’last took the time to look at me?”

You sank into the depths of your seat when his ire-filled gaze turned to you. Whatever words you had to say to him had long since died within your throat, not that any of them came with any type of maliciousness. If you were able to be honest with yourself, you were somewhat surprised he hadn’t taken a more direct action to garner your attention in the months prior, and had instead taken the route to laying whatever you two had to an incomplete, and admittedly unsatisfactory, end.

“I’m sorry,” you were hardly able to muster, instead taking to fiddling with the long sleeves of the flannel you had. Was there always an accent of red on the otherwise grayscale plaid color scheme?

He scoffed, rotating his uninjured shoulder and shifting in his bed. “All y’can say is a ‘sorry’? Shit, dude, I’d’a thought’cha to have more fight in ya.”

In the back of your mind, the snark of you had recalled the time to account for the lack of so-called fight within.

You sighed outwardly, once again, and dragged a hand down your face. “Do you have anywhere to stay tonight, Henry?”

“Psh, old man’ll kill me if I barge in at fuck-all hours like this.” No work today afterall.

“You wanna stay at my place? You can take my bed.”

“Really? Y’think I’m finally good enough to take a place in your bed, princess?”

“Careful,” you snap back, voice having taken on a sudden warning to its tone. “You sound like Hockstetter. Don’t let his weird shit get to your head, Henry.”

“Oh, so you suddenly give a fuck about me ‘n who influences me, huh? Fuck you think you are, my parent?”

“No, I just--” You were cut off by a nurse stepping into the room.

“Mr. Bowers?” He started, looking between the two of you with an air of caution. “You’re free to go, just stop by the desk on your way out. Would you like help getting into your wheelchair?”

“No,” he nearly barked back and shifted to move from the bed.

“Thank you,” you said quickly, getting up to help your friend from the bed when the nurse awkwardly shuffled from the room. You didn’t scold your friend, even if how Henry had treated the nurse didn’t sit particularly well with you, the thought of another argument seemed to be on the horizon if you did.

He practically flung himself into the wheelchair with a grunt, pointing impatiently at the boot at the foot of his bed. “Don’t forget about my boot.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” you had said, voice truly devoid of any emotion whilst you grabbed your things to make a quick departure. The quicker you could get home, the quicker you’d be able to fall back into sleep.

The discharging process proved itself less strenuous then you feared, only really consisting of yourself zoning out and Henry writing down his address - albeit, with the caveat of anything especially legible due to his dominant hand being injured. At his prompting, and being drug involuntarily into reality once again, you wheeled him to your car and watched him struggle into the passenger seat. You knew better then to offer help when he only wanted to keep up his ‘tough man’ act. Silently, you put the wheelchair away and rushed back to your car.

It felt like the times when you were in a relationship with him all over again, something that settled uncomfortably onto your shoulders once you sat down in the driver’s seat and buckled your seatbelt. “Buckle in,” you said, while starting to back out.

“Fuck off,” he snapped back. You started driving in silence once again.

Both hands on the wheel. The radio was drowned out by the engine. You could nearly call it romantic had it been any situation when the two of you were infatuated with one another. Running away and eloping under the moonlight, like you’d babbled about a few nights at the peak of your heart swelling for him. Meaningless and empty words and fantasies of helping him from the predicament that was Derry. It wrenched your heart, really, when you first met him. Just a broken guy who maybe you could help out in some ways. Maybe it was selfish of you. Whatever.

The air felt stale and uncomfortable on the drive back, and it felt like an eternity before you pulled back into your driveway. You glanced at the clock in your car. 5:00 a.m. The sun was beginning to awaken, dusk starting to take ahold of the sky.

“How the hell am I gonna get you inside,” you murmured when you looked over to Henry, who stared blankly back at you.

“I’unno how well crutches would work since my shoulder ‘n all...Jus’ fuckin’ uh...help me to the door ‘n we’ll figure it out from there? Y’still got that office chair, right?”

You nodded, opening the door and getting out. You strolled up the pathway to your own door before going back to help the boy out of the car. It was entirely too awkward, the way he threw an arm around you and leaned nearly all his weight on you. The way you put an arm around your waist. It brought back the past in the oddest way possible. God, you wanted this to be over more than anything.

Many grunts and swears and a chair ride through hardwood floored rooms later, Henry laid in your bed and the front door went back to its closed and locked default. If you had the energy in you, you would’ve sneered at the very idea of Henry fucking Bowers in your bed sullying your newly washed sheets. Though, you could only stare for a few moments before beginning to gather things to sleep on your couch.

“Why?” you asked as he stared at the ceiling.

“Why what?”

“Why do you keep putting me down as your emergency contact? Don’t your friends know how to do that shit?”

“They’re scared.”

“Of what?”

“Bein’ fuckin’ adults’r somethin’, you done with the damn questions?”

“Yep. See’ya, sleep well.”

You shuffled from the room, setting the couch up and staring at the ceiling to mirror his position. The morning shaped itself to be odd. While you dozed back off, you remembered the feeling of how it managed to turn out; it was uncomfortable. You didn’t hate it, you didn’t like it, but you surely didn’t love it. Henry bowers coming back into your life already felt odd, obviously, but he felt like just another part of high school you were supposed to leave behind. Did you really want to leave him completely behind?

#it 2017 #it 2017 fanfiction #henry bowers #henry bowers x reader #henry bowers imagine #writing.txt #ah yea babey

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austinpanda · 3 years

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Dad Letter 082221

22 August, 2021

Dear Dad--

Happy what for you will be Sunday! Perhaps I should just say happy weekend. It’s Saturday morning here in the trailer and it seems like we’re going to catch some of Hurricane Henri sometime about Monday or Tuesday. I am excited by this! I’ve mentioned how our single-wide leaked like a sieve from the windows along its west wall. Well, in response to our maintenance request, they sent a dude around to come fix it. I believe caulk, or otherwise some big tube of silicone sealant in a dispensing gun (pew! pew!) was employed. We still have our original leak; water always comes in through the top of our back door. The dude put the magic caulk on that thing too, but it’s like original sin...it’s just always gonna be there. It’s the leak where the previous tenants installed plastic hooks on the door, to hang towels on, to catch the leaks.

I spent some time on the internet yesterday and got myself some medical benefits! I now have medical, dental, and vision coverages. I don’t know when they start, but I’m going to search for a dentist some more today. I tried the area’s largest family dentistry, a place with (I’m guessing) maybe 20 dentists working in it, and their website says they have no available appointments. This seems unlikely, but not impossible. I think there’s a problem with the scheduling website, or else they’re having a surge of business before school starts, or something else temporary. Either way, I’ll find a dentist. The dental pain which I’ve come to live with and treat with Ibuprofen every day may soon be a thing of the past.

I don’t suppose I can avoid mentioning that I’m still having problems with depression. I have a few online friends who’ve been super helpful while I seem to be in this downswing, and I’m hoping to get rid of it, and return to my usual sarcastic-yet-ebullient self soon. (You don’t need to suggest exercising, I can actually hear you thinking it from here. Got to admit, I kind of wish I owned a weight bench.) I believe at least some of the depression stems from having no circle of friends. I have, at best, a very tiny triangle of friends. The three components of the friend triad would be: husband, cats and coworkers, and Mr. and Mr. plant scientist guy. I was going to go with Zach to plant scientist guy’s home today to eat, but instead I’m going to stay home and eat worms and feel sorry for myself. (Zach suggested I might like some “me” time, and I’m not keen to inflict myself upon anyone just now anyway.) Also I have lots of work shirts to iron.

I’m actually looking forward to work tomorrow, just a little bit, even though it’s my Monday. My boss has suggested in advance that I do 6 of the 7 audits tomorrow, and I don’t think I’ve ever done 6 in a day before. I especially haven’t attempted to do 6 on a Sunday, since we always audit the previous day’s stuff, which means I’d be auditing a Saturday, typically a busy time. I’m confident that I can do it, however. I can do each of those 6 audits in about an hour, and that gives me a whole two extra hours for “shit happens.” I like knowing how to do all that stuff. There’s a good chance I’ll get through all 6 audits without having any questions, or any problems I can’t solve myself.

And it’s going to be September soon! That always gets me excited, since that’s when I start my two month scary movie marathon, beginning with Night of the Demon, from 1957. I’ve reached a point where, as soon as I hear that movie begin, I relax a bit, because I know summer is over. Also, a lot of my favorite movies are in that genre, including a bunch of British ones, and a bunch with extremely unconvincing monsters. But that’s when I watched The Thing From Another World (1951), and The Fog, and the original Amityville Horror, and The Changeling, with George C. Scott. Good stuff! And, of course, the two months culminate on Halloween, when I watch a couple I saved for last, and we eat all the candy we bought, because children generally know better than to come to a trailer park during the time of plague resurgence in search of things to put in their mouths, that they KNOW FOR CERTAIN was just handled by a stranger.

Actually, I think the way they do Halloween now is: everyone buys candy and drives to church, and everyone else brings their kids, and the kids just visit each car for candy, one after the other. It doesn’t sound like it provides as much walking as the traditional way of trick-or-treating, and it seems to reduce the possibility of criminal mischief to near zero. (I’m just thinking you can’t TP someone’s house when you’re gathering candy in the church parking lot.) But it preserves some of the elements of the old fashioned style. Halloween is a great holiday, mostly because I like watching the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown special. I’m one of the few people that loves every second of that TV special, even the WW1 parts where Snoopy gets shot down behind enemy lines by the Red Baron. That show has some great jazz music in it.

I received something kind of cool in the mail today, a 16 x 100 inch roll of dichroic film. What the shit is that, you ask? Well, you see it in holiday decorations a lot. It’s a colored film that changes color depending on the angle from which you’re viewing it. It’ll also do stuff like: light passing through it is blue, but light bouncing off it is bright orange. It’s just a film you can use to tint plastic and windows that make pretty colors. I have tinted two windows in our metal living tube with it! I’ll include the pictures. It sticks on with soapy water, and is supposed to peel right off when it comes time to move out and take all my disco shit with me. I’m considering putting a couple of small patches of it on my car, just because it’s so pretty. I’ll include a pic of the dichroic film. By now, as you’ve probably concluded, they use that dichroic glass in certain disco lights.

I have a few things happening, but it’s a slow period. I have already put some of the dichroic film on the bathroom window and the window in the back door, which we never open. As predicted, it is pretty as fuck! I want to cover my car windows with it, but I checked, and I’m pretty sure that would be illegal in Maine. Auto window tint has to allow at least 30% of light to pass through (no worries, and with disco colors!) and it has to be non-reflective (shit! Mine is super reflective!) Just taking a picture of some balled-up leftover bits of the dichroic film is pretty. Anything you can scrunch up into a ball and take a beautiful picture of it MUST be special.

I was afraid, for a period, that I had done something to kill my ability to read books for fun! I know I’ve been anhedonic lately, but I’m pretty sure that I haven’t smoked enough drugs to make myself illiterate. Then, as an experiment, I picked up a Jack Reacher book, and read all 450 pages in about a day. I am pleased to report that I have neither smoked myself illiterate, nor forgotten how to enjoy a good page-turner. This pleases me!

More next week! All my love to you both!

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maljic · 4 years

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i have been working in the grocery industry practically my entire life. for many companies, and in many many positions. i’ve seen hurricane panic buys, i have seen post hurricane apocalypses, i have closed stores, and i have opened stores. i have been to backroom recoveries, i have worked small stores and big stores. i have seen h1n1, and i have now seen covid19. and even tho this is something unprecedented, all together it’s really not. the difference here is that it’s been going on for three weeks now and there is no end in sight. the duration is what’s so new.

so i’ve started making notes every day after i got home. just the overall experience, but also customer comments and new things being implemented. it’s a fascination change, and i wanted to write it down to maybe sometime in the future come back to this time and remember anew.

i plan on keeping notes for the foreseeable future, to keep writing a diary of sorts, to see if this ever levels out or escalates even more, if things change drastically or not at all. and if the fucking toilet paper situation ever goes away.

things started to change the first week of march. it was super subtle, i didn’t even notice it at first. it was just a steady increase in business. a solid 20% ahead in sales all across the board. and even tho the virus was already in the news it didn’t cotton on right from the start. or it did, maybe, but i wasn’t expecting it to escalate to such heights.

tuesday, 03.10.2020 9am - 5pm

people are making their own hand sanitizer by mixing rubbing alcohol and aloe vera. we’re out of both. lady is asking me by the sun tan section about the state of deliveries of aloe vera gel. we get to talking. i admit that i don’t understand the people’s need for hand sanitizer since the cdc and every doctor ever recommends hand washing first and foremost. Susan comes out and says, ‘well the only thing that really can safe us from all this is...” and i retort with, “washing your hands, right?” but Susan claps back with, “the lord jesus christ.” and i had to excuse myself real quick and leave her ass on the aisle, because why are you fucking here then trying to potion together your own hand sanitizer, Severus, if all you need is god?

a grown woman that’s working at the register is. coughing. non. stop. co workers comment on it to each other and to me, and i wonder if anyone has taken her aside to explain the current state of world events to her, and maybe asking her to cover her damn mouth. we’re all gonna die.

thursday, 03.12.2020 2pm - 10pm 11pm

parking is an absolute nightmare. i’m 10 mins late cause i can’t find a spot. welcome to hell. i ask my boss what the sales were yesterday and she says we’re 40% ahead of the forecast. which is ridiculous. at this point it’s pretty much a blanket permission for over time. we do not have the capacity to continue to run at this pace. people get worn out, we’re bound to get sick, and the customers are fucking relentless. truck is big. Karen and her brother Chad look at the soap section and wanna know when we get more hand sanitizer in.

this lady is looking at things in the cold and flu section and we get to talking about shit and she mentions something she’s read on facebook and whoops my filter went poofgone and i tell her that i hope facebook dies along with all this corona virus flu and have a good evening.

at the end of my shift after we’ve finished stocking and cleaning up, i stay longer because there’s still a fuck ton of people in the store but we only have two registers open. i check people out until 11 and then peace out. one dude dropped $650 on groceries.

friday, 03.13.2020 11am - 7pm

“where is the hand sanitizer?” Karen asks. i refrain from shouting at her to get outta my face. the store is absolutely packed. lines of lengths i haven’t ever witnessed. lines and lines of people with full bascarts of stuff. the end is nigh and we are here with a front row view of it. we have a small parking lot, and i have no idea where these people’s cars are? i didnt know we could fit that many people in the store. whats the fire marshall’s max capacity guidelines? someone should review those. meanwhile i’m trying to navigate around everybody and put things on shelves that don’t last very long.

the grocery truck arrives around 3 ish and paper products get thrown out first. usually, when the truck arrives it stays locked until the night crew shows up. we’re set up to always have a trailer at the store, so when the guy shows up he unhitches his trailer, and hitches up under another trailer which was the previous day’s grocery truck, which got emptied off groceries when the night crew stocks, and then got filled with stacks of empty pallets, paper bales, and other reusable thinks like plastic trays the meat comes in, or the eggs come in, or produce plastic trays, things like that. so now that we’re in the apocalypse of paper products, the day crew gets those pallets out on the sales floor asap. at this point we have reduced the quantities of things you’re allowed to take to 3. 3 packs of toilet paper, 3 packs of paper towels... also 3 of lysol wipes and 3 of hand sanitizers even tho we dont have any, calm down, Karen. paper products are gone within an hour.

my company makes an absolute killing that day.

saturday, 03.14.2020 10ish to whenever.

my boss said she was coming in (on her off day) so i said yo, mind if i sleep in a bit? i was scheduled 7am and if i don’t have to i don’t want to. she said ok. i rock up at 10:08. things stop showing up on deliveries. the diaper area is sad looking. people have started to buy us out of baby wipes. there’s a problem coming at us in about 2 months. you cant flush baby wipes but since the toilet paper situation is what it is, people will wipe their butts with wet wipes. have fun with that, dallas county utility department (or whoever messes with the water wastes).

displays are dwindling. we are not getting product, so we are filling the shelves in the aisles with the stuff that’s on displays. it’s a bit wonky looking. there’s half an endcap with shampoo and then the rest of it is filled with hersheys. its upside down world. but we have to keep things full. with whatever. empty shelves are bad bad bad, but empty endcaps are a cardinal sin.

people waste so much food when they’re shopping. now that the shelves are getting and staying empty, people will just put things everywhere when they decide against buying the items. bags of chips, six packs of beer, gatorade whatever. that’s not really waste. but we also see bags of salad, frozen items, meats. we are currently not in the position to walk the store every half hour and collect these things. these things are all now wasted and will get thrown out. not the chips, i’m talking about the temp controlled things. being cold to the touch is not enough. shit aint safe.

monday, 03.16.2020 8am - 4 pm 6pm

truck is gigantic. never ever have i seen a truck that big. so everything that my boss was fantasizing about me doing gets thrown out the window when the truck hits the backdoor at 11 am. everybody who is scheduled for truck is given the option to come in early. and stay until it’s all stocked. or until you’re exhausted. i help with the pharmacy stuff because that’s the biggest part. i stay until 6pm. then i’m out.

people would like to know where the hand sanitizer is, well, sugar, so. do. i. it’s the one item that has been out since the end of february, and people are absolutely gob smacked when you tell them it’s currently unavailable. i try to appease them with some hand soap, but, stupidly, people dont want to hear that. i’m thinking to myself that in about a week soap will also be unavailable, but to each their own. customers believe that we, the workers, know the exact day and time when lysol wipes will be stocked. but when you tell them that soap is getting scarce they look at you like you’re speaking a different language.

company wide, we are not allowed to order anything right now. which is huge. how it usually works is: our system knows at all times how many items we have in the store, as per bar code, and knows how much will fit on the shelves, how much we’re selling every day/hour, and then there’s the forecasting factor. so the system will order stuff based on sold quantities, automatically. all the time. if we need extra stuff for sales and/or displays and whatnot, we order extra.

the computer system wouldnt know, for instance, that there was a tornado in oct that wiped out our electricity and that of most of our customers, so we changed orders to reflect that. no frozen things, lots more batteries, ice, coolers.

a lot of things ride on added orders, which are now out

from here on in, everything is up to the system, and to the powers that be. if there’s soap in the warehouse, we will get allocated with every store in the area so that everyone gets equal amounts or close to. hoarding is, apparently, frowned upon at this level too.

tuesday, 03.17.2020 2pm - 10pm

i have come to hate the soap aisle. used to always be my favorite. so long, soap aisle, we’ve had a good run. tonight i’m stocking the pharmacy area (cold and flu, pain meds, tummy stuff, those sort of things). truck is small. super small. i try helping customers as much as i can, but most of my end of the conversation is no, sorry, we dont have any. backstocks are dwindling. the backroom is emptying out. we rely on truck deliveries for things to do and products to be put out. “do you have any [insert product here] in the back?” is the most asked questions. “there’s nothing in the back.” is the most uttered sentence all day.

people obviously do to not get what social distance means. every aisle is packed with shoppers. i’m wasting a lot of time trying to stay out of people’s paths, but people lingeeeerrrrr what the fuck. the mayor of dallas shut everything down to flatten the curve yet here all these fuckers are doing their god damn grocery shopping like it’s 3 months ago. get in, get stuff, get out. i try conjuring up some gas to clear the aisle, but the farts won’t come

go home, people. i wish i could.

somehow our store has become the hub in our area. we get trucks in the afternoon with produce and meat, and people from other stores around us show up in trucks and suvs to transport product between stores. i’ve seen so many people that i hadn’t seen in years because they’re coming by getting shit in the afternoon.

we lost one of our baristas. she’s retired but works with us the maximal allotted hours per week the government allows you before they yank your money. she’s living in senior housing (cause its cheap) and they’ve completely locked down and she is unable to come to work. her boss funnels her groceries. and they face time a lot. she’s doing ok.

wednesday, 03.18.2020 10am - 6pm

parking lot semi full, too full for a wednesday. toilet paper situation is unchanged. but alas there’s no grocery truck scheduled tonight so this is not changing until tomorrow. i’m talking to three separate people desperate for some toilet roll (lol, i love how this pandemic makes me learn new terms, hi, united kingdom, i see you - toilet roll, i love it). anyways, i explain to all three the truck schedule and how to best strategize to get some butt wipes: truck is 6 days a week, wednesday being the no truck day. when the truck arrives, usually what happens is that the paper products get stocked immediately, to make room in the back room and to alleviate the situations. be in the store at around 3ish? 3:30ish, and hang out. i explain that i don’t want to encourage anybody to spend their afternoon in the store for obvi reasons, but when you gotta go you gotta go. alternately, hang out in your car, and when you see a truck pull behind the store around mid day, chances are in about 30 mins you shall have paper. people appreciate the info.

i’m in the candy aisle trying to stock a case of twizzlers. we’re using shopping carts to stock, it’s way more flexible than lugging around huge stocking carts, especially now with the store being so crowded. this dude rocks up and asks me if i’m panic hoarding with all those boxes in my cart. he looks at me with a straight face and thinks he’s making a point. meanwhile i’m in full uniform and people around are starting to roll their eyes. i drop the box of twizzlers into my cart (its super heavy and dude is creating a scene). my box cutter comes out and i make a show of clicking the blade out while explaining to douche canoodle that i’m working here, excuse me, and cut into the tape of the box. moron.

there’s a few people that i’ve seen every day this week. and they’re all advanced in their age. i get that the store is your second home cause you’re lonely, but right now is really not the time. go home.

the question i hate the most is: when are you gonna get more soap in. the honest answer? no fucking clue, Karen. if i could predict the future i wouldn’t be working here.

thursday, 03.19.2020 10am - 6pm

there was no grocery truck last night so shelves are still as empty as they were when i left last night. still, parking lot is semi full. we’ve seem to have gotten a decent produce truck, bananas everywhere. great. my boss’s plan for me is to: whatever truck is back there, and then easter. which means i walk the back room, collect anything and everything that belongs to our department, and get it on the shelves. there’s nothing back there except a chocolate delivery which arrived on the dairy truck. a huge amount, by normal standards. at least people are still enjoying some candy.

by 3pm it’s made the rounds that one of the guys for our dept isn’t coming in: allergies. okay then. truck is not too big, i help out with that until it’s time to hit the time clock.

times are tough, and i’m a good-natured person that can dish out jokes and emphasize with you and cumbaja we’re all in this together and all the other bullshit we’re telling ourselves to make us feel better. but when dudebro comes down the soap aisle and bemoans the state of the shelves (empty) and then goes into a rant about his two parents, immunocompromised, at home, out of soap, almost getting loud and making it seem like its my fault that we don’t have what you want, then no. i’m all out of fucks to give. meanwhile, people of the free world, have you forgotten that hand washing soap does not only come in little pump bottles that you can cutsify your sink with but also LOOK AT ALL THE BARSOAP, back in the days we used that to wash our hands. calm down and take some irish spring to your parents.

grocery truck arrives. big time. in the good ole days of yester year we would get one trailer daily, most of the time not even full. we’ve been ramping it up to 2 most of the last two weeks. (and by we i mean we as a society, buying everything on the shelves and not being satisfied and always wanting more). today it was three. one of which with nothing but water. the others with lots of toilet roll and paper towels. and the usual stuff of canned goods and the likes. nothing will last tho, nothing is forever.

we have this one guy who works here who has, i believe, severe arthritis and is hygiene wise very challenged. he isn’t very mobile and does super light duty but he’s worked here a long time. i haven’t seen him in a few days. i wonder if he is just off, or if he said fuck it and stayed home.

the grown ass woman at the register is still coughing. and not covering her mouth. asswipe.

saturday 03.21.2020 7am - 3pm 6pm

“when do you expect more hand sanitizer in?”

i have no idea what you’re talking about, hand sanitizer was never a thing. lemme ask you this: is it berenstein bears where you come from?

people still want to shop brand loyal. i die inside a little bit every time someone turns their nose up at an alternative to their regular, “oh but we don’t use that brand.” dude didn’t you just say you needed vitamin c? was that a lie? here’s the damn vitamin c. it’s vitamin c, not, i don’t know, fucking coca cola. go home.

corporate finally came down and said we’re allowed to wear ppe now. like some of us haven’t since three weeks ago. i finally turned and went all ‘two by two hands of blue’ as well, and it’s really not as bothersome as i thought it would be.

weekends are now slower than weekdays. i have no idea why that is. and i’m not really sure if these past weekends have been slow, or just normal, and the weekdays are just crazy. i have lost all points of reference. it’s still busy. but is it the same busy it’s always been on a saturday and now we just have more checkers?

the company is desperately trying to hire more people. i don’t know if the new vigorous ad campaign is working yet? it’s a job, sure, especially in these times, but the starting pay is still barely above minimum wage so in any case people will collect unemployment which could still be more than they’d make working here i’m just saying.

the only real perk right now is that whoever works for a grocery store has first dibs on stuff. and if you believe we don’t have a “family and friends stash” in the back of all the items that are scarce then you don’t know how the world works. a friend of mine with health problems came to shop at our store today because we do have more stuff than what i’ve been hearing is going on in surrounding areas. and i was able to give her two cans of disinfectant wipes. another friend asked me if we had any loo roll, and they just came by my place to pick it up, cash on arrival.

we also extend (or well, i do extend) the stash to customers who always have been courteous. and believe me, after working in one location for a few years you know exactly who’s an asshole and who isn’t. we are essential, we are important, and we’ve been known that forever. we just never got treated like that. people are thankful that we’re working, that we’re doing our best (like if we could afford to just take two weeks off to self isolate, yeah right), and it’s good to finally walk the store with your head held high, to finally feel the appreciation. we are the kings of the toilet paper and it’s fucking fantastic.

the store manager (or the company, i’m not sure) bought lunch today for everybody. and there might be a texas rule of no gatherings of more than 10 people, but y’all should’ve seen the break room today at noon. we they feasted (i took two slices and went out back to enjoy) thanks for lunch, boss.

we still haven’t implemented “senior hours,” and i hate that.

hygiene challenged dude is back at work. so he just had his two days off.

monday 03.23.2020 12pm - 9pm

people keep insisting on shopping “normally” and it’s mind boggling. if you go to the store for 5 things or 50 things, it’s fine either way. but please make a list at home and roll with it. do not linger in aisles, do not pick up 3 different items and stand there to study the, i don’t know what the fuck, ingredients? country of origin? manufacturer? i have no earthly idea why you gotta look at a bottle of suave shampoo so intently and just. stay. there. reading it like its a new product on the market. go home.

people just waste so much freakin time in the store. they run into acquaintances and have to have a conversation right there when other customers have to walk around you. please stop, please please stop that. please. get in, get your stuff, and get out. if we dont have your fave available right now come back next week, it’s bound to be back unless it’s something like hand sanitizer or over the counter meds. please. go home.

the shopping pattern has changed. there’s all the action in the mornings now. tons of people, full parking lots, all in the morning. i understand it’s because people are under the impression everything gets restocked over night. which is half true. but whatever. i mean people shop all throughout the day and it’s still busy but the bulk is in the morning.

speaking of: senior hours finally!!! i’m stoked.

i feel like i’m getting fed up with customer questions so it’s usually short retorts and no eyes contact. one guy asked me where the aloe vera is and he asked very friendly and from a few feet away and i was sort of a dick to him. i felt bad immediately and rephrased my answer. yikes.

on the upside also, my work buddy was throwing water all day long. poor guy. he said something like 9 pallets of 24 packs. at one point they were replenishing a display and people grabbed water from the display instead of the pallet, and he was like, “you guys are killing me, man, please take it from the pallet and not the display. every pack you take from the pallet is a pack less i have to move.” a couple of dudes then took over stocking duty from him and threw the rest of the pallet to fill the display. how fucking nice. good eggs all around.

backroom looks like we got a crap ton of paper products. a crap ton. something like, i’m estimating, 12 pallets. so they’ve been staggering it throughout the afternoon but also kept lots in the back for senior hours tomorrow morning. it really looks like that part is getting almost back to normal. lmao fingers crossed.

no eggs tho, today. all gone.

hot shot trucks still show up in the afternoon with produce and meat. and other stores still come by to transfer stuff to their location.

company lunch today was from torchy’s taco. i abstained cause i had just eaten at home. but gatherings of 10 or more people had been had in the break room again. no idea if it was paid for by our company or if torchy’s was just getting rid of a bulk of their perishables.

some dude threw a fit about the limits on certain items. i think his beef was with water and how he’s seen someone take more than three. calm down, asshole.

tuesday 03.24.2020 10am - 5pm

it’s slow in the store. dallas county has a shelter in place ordinance right now and it’s just a slow and steady trickle of customers. the weather also has turned from grey and misty, to sunshine and 80ies. i hate it. i want my grey and misty back. and because it’s nice outside there’s a lot of people on walks and bike rides. there’s a trail behind the store and when i step out back i see people all the times. still keeping their social distance but people non the less.

we’ve finally got our hands on one of the people from the agency that has provided us with help. our girl is super nice and friendly and she works hard. i hope we’ll get to keep her in our department for however long theyre working with us. altogether there’s about 15-20 people in the store from the agency. they’re tasked with sacking groceries, cleaning shopping carts, cleaning shelves and helping to stock. it’s wonderful. they get paid $13, which is more than what you make starting out in the store.

it almost felt like it wasn’t a covid day. after what the covidiot in the wh said on monday, i was a bit unsure if non essentials would reopen (especially since the mayor just shut dallas down). it was weird. it seemed like customers stayed away because a) they went back to work or b) it’s too nice to grocery shop. but that’s prob only my stupid brain making things up.

there were two incidents, both of which weren’t covid related but needed security: a dude tried to walk out with two cases of beer (theft is a thing that happens in our store a lot) but somehow he had half the store chasing after him. i was outside taking my break when all the sudden this guy comes towards me with beer in each hand. where i was, there was no exit away from the store unless you wanted to jump the fence. and he sure did. launched himself and the beer over it. they chased him off (no one touched him, i wanna add, and no one would touch him too, even if we weren’t in the current time), but got their beer back. that was an adrenaline shock i didn’t need. the second one was a lady at the pharmacy not happy with the speed of the pharmacist and she got upset that her meds weren’t ready to be picked up. she made quite a scene with cursings and such so security was called. they are doing their best at the pharmacy but just like every other department they are swamped with prescriptions.

it was super slow and i left an hour early. went home and ate and passed out for 12 hours.

wednesday 03.25.2020 7am - 3pm

it’s probs the first time i’m on the road this early on a weekday during the self isolation period. it’s quite busy on the highway. but still no real traffic.

store is still slow but steady. i see a few customers with big bascarts and shopping lists going about their business urgent like. on the inside i was applauding their readiness and their commitment for getting it done. thank you dear customers. buy a whole cart and get the heck outta dodge. *chefs kiss*

help girl from the agency is with me today. i like her more and more. she gets it all done. baby wipes are still off and on, some days we have them, sometimes we’re out. we found 3 small cases of hand soap in the back (6 bottles each) and they are gone quickly. i’m working through shippers/displays (we’ve finally got a smattering in) but most of it goes straight to the shelves. i’m able to make some sense to one of the half shampoo/half hersheys end caps, and my eye finally stops twitching from the weirdness.

grocery truck schedule has changed and now we’re getting them also on wednesdays (for the time being). one trailer of toilet roll and paper towels, and one of canned goods and boxes and pantry stuffs. and maybe some lysol but who knows.

it’s still sunny and 80ies out, so more runners and bikers on the trail behind the store. still social distancing tho.

the news said someone from a grocery store of another chain was diagnosed. and then through the grapevine i heard that someone from our chain (not our store) also got diagnosed and is in the hospital. wash your hands. get in, get your stuff, and get out. stay safe out there.

friday 03.27.2020 9am - 5pm

there’s this lady in the store, little old lady, just wandering and shopping and whatnot for, i kid you not, 2 hours. what in the world? she’s wearing a mask, kinda like a “let me put this mask on cause i’m sanding something in the garage” you know that kind of mask. but it’s only covering her mouth? what is she doing. where is your family? do they know where you are and what you’re up to. seriously someone come get their auntie.

there’s stickers all over the floor by the registers “PLEASE WAIT HERE” reminding people to stay the heck away from each other. it’s working sometimes. people are patient.

this one lady asks me if we have this, and shows me her phone with a pic of the item like she is seriously standing 6 feet away stretching her arm as far as it’ll go. i appreciate it. she insists that the app tells her it’s in stock here. i ran out of ways to explain that the app doesnt keep up with inventory, only states that we carry it, not whether we actually have it in stock. it’s a surface disinfectant. we dont have it in stock.

rando people say their thanks that we’re working, that they appreciate it, thank you thank you. i have yet to learn how to respond to that. “youre welcome?” “oh sure!” “no problem” nothing feels right. me and my co workers all wish we could work from home, or take a few weeks off, without losing our jobs and benefits. it’s weird. how do you respond to that?

we’ve managed to stay in stock on toilet tissue all day long. one brand, one size, mind you. but! all day long! yes, toilet paper, on aisle 18!!!!

sales have leveled. business is returning to normal.

saturday 03.28.2020 7am - 3 pm

some lady lost her cool today and in her frustration she dead ass kicked over a display of gum. lmao, yikes.

every morning we have a little meeting in the store for all the department heads, or if they’re off, for whoever plays department head for that day. on saturdays that’s me. we call them huddles, although now we can’t call them that anymore because huddle doesn’t really scream social distancing. so now they’ll call it morning communication.

while walking the store today i found, get this, a bottle of purell. it was hidden behind other product. i immediately checked my surroundings (no one there) and then went and hid it in the back room. my immuno challenged friend had asked me for some for a while.

really nothing else going on. it was quiet in the morning and then a storm blew through, and then it was just gorgeous out. so the store got busier and busier. our truck was scheduled to be quite big, but it was late and i wasn’t gonna just hang around until who knows when.

monday 03.30.2020 2pm - 10pm

the break room is completely empty of chairs and tables. that’s new. just last week everyone crowded in, employees and management alike, whenever there was free lunch. and even tho one tells them, or points out that, hey, this is a bit more than technically should be in a closed space like this? all one gets back is, oh hahaha, yeah you’re probably right, but nothing changed. so now the break room is empty. only, i dont know, everyone here works on their feet, either standing (poor checkers) or standing and walking. for up to eight hours. there’s gonna be some people who will just have to sit down for 30 mins during their breaks. this was a company wide, or district wide decision, this wasn’t something our management came up with. and here’s the thing. admittedly, some higher ups in our company are seriously not the sharpest tacks in the box. and i’m not saying that you have to have a degree to make certain decisions, but it helps if you have some sort of, i don’t know, compassion, deductive reasoning, two brain cells to rub together. i, personally, will hardly be found in the break room, i don’t use it. but it’s absolutely clear to me that taking away the opportunity to let people rest is a recipe for disaster.

tuesday, 03.31.2020 2pm - 10pm

so, the owner of the dallas mavericks (basket ball) donated hand sanitizers to our company, for use of company employees. which, thanks, Mark, that was super sweet of you. no really. IF I SEE ONE CO WORKER USE THIS INSTEAD OF WASHING THEIR HANDS I WILL NOT BE MADE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS. wash your god damned hands people. hand sanitizer will never be able to do what soap and water can do. why is that such a big problem to understand.

the break room has a couple of chairs and tables in it now, and a sign on the door that reads “6 people limit, 6 feet apart.” yikes.

its the end of the month and people got paid so the store is getting busier. tomorrow is the first and i’m sure we’ll be packed. please take the following to heart: SHOP ALONE. don’t bring your wifey or hubby or roommate or kids. ok bring your kids if you have no one to watch them. do not use the grocery store as your family outing cause its the only spot you think youre allowed to go. it’s not. youre allowed to go for walks, in front of your house, in your neighborhood, heck, walk a circle around the store if you want, but don’t bring everybody into the store. social distancing is easier achieved if there’s less people to stay away from. be smart, think ahead. and if you think that shopping with two people makes it go faster? it’s not. cause you’re gonna argue over the choices made, you’re gonna veto your shopping buddies choice of beans and your gonna walk every aisle twice instead of once. and there will be more people touching more things and i could really do with less of that.

wednesday 04.01.2020 11am - 7pm

there’s a distillery in kansas who has converted their production to make hand sanitizer (or sanitizer in general) and we have received a shipment of, i think, two pallets. the fun part? they are the size and shape of vodka bottles.

they’re selling for $8 and we put a limit of 1 per family. they look super neat. it’s a plastic bottle, too. i don’t use hand sanitizer and i dont need it and there are people who need these i guess but i want one so badly. just as a, you know, reminder, a token, of these crazy times. i’m not gonna get one (but i kinda want one).

they have finally installed screens at the registers. and new rules came down from corporate: social distancing is the highest priority, hygiene is the highest priority. we are only going to operate 3 (out of 6) registers so that we can ensure that there’s enough space for everyone to feel safe. i have also spent 2 hours today thinning out displays that are cluttering up the sales floor so that we can encourage everyone to keep apart.

starting tomorrow, every employee will get their temp taken when they arrive to work. if the temp is too high you will be sent home (but paid for that day) and only be let back in to work if your temp stays normal for 72 hours without the help of meds.

pay has been increased by $2/h.

friday 04.03.2020 9am - 5pm

face masks everywhere.

like 80% of everybody started donning masks, scarves and homemade things to cover their lower face. face masks are a stark reminder that everyone should keep apart. it’s like an extra “hey, remember how we’re all potentially sick with something deadly? stay away.” i appreciate the effect it has.

there are about 5 different announcements over the PA, one about washing your hands and sneezing/coughing into your elbows, one about senior hours (which have changed now to tue, thu and sat morning), one about social distancing (about the length of two shopping carts!), one about “we’re all in this together” and one about us employees and how we’re doing so much more than our job right now.

ive stopped greeting customers. i smile maybe, since it’s something so ingrained into our brain, but i won’t speak unnecessarily.

the store is absolutely packed. the suggestion of staying away until the 3rd or the 4th that ive seen all over the internets seems to have cottoned on and now we’re slammed. with only 3 registers open now (to keep room between registers) the lines are down the aisles. one of the guys on the registers told me he loved it. it’s waaay less crowding around the registers, safer for the workers).

we have two entrances (the main one and a smaller one) and they closed the smaller one because it’s very tight there and doesn’t really work with trying to stay away from each other. it’s not locked, it’s just closed. no idea about the fire marshall code, but i have worked in bigger stores with only one main entrance so maybe it’s not part of any code.

i saw a woman with a vegas golden knights shirt and i miss hockey.

saturday 04.04.2020 7am - 5:30pm

my first day during senior hours, and admittedly we’ve only recently changed that but there are tons of people in the store and not a lot of seniors. but what do i know they all could be immunocompromised.

in our morning huddle communications meeting the store manager is spitting out a lot of numbers and percentiles and such, basically sales are still through the roof, even with the slower week we’ve had. it’s funny how there’s really no reference point anymore. forecasts and budgets have all been altered due to the situation but even those are still behind. the agency people aren’t with us anymore (since sunday) and i can see maybe 2 new people - but i’m not a reliable source for that because i don’t inter-mingle with other departments that much so i dont even know the regulars so i have no clue who is new. but we’re still running on basically the same people we’ve always had with this increased business.

aceotone is the new toilet paper. cant find it on the shelves, the warehouse is out and people are constantly asking for it. this one guy had me in stitches. he was shopping for the fam and had a list from his wife and you know, acetone, cuticle cream all the stuff you need to take care of your nails after you rip off the fake ones. i used to get my nails done so i gave him advice as best i could and pointed to some products, but no acetone. about five minutes later she finds me on the same aisle again and shows me a can of paint stripper with the word acetone in huge letters on it. i died. i told him that if his wife used that they are about to have a whole other set of problems. we both laughed. he had a great sense of humor. now go home, dude.

the side door that was closed on friday is open again. not surprised.

we are getting absolutely slammed with business. it’s a mad house. you can always tell when people start to park their cars on the fire lanes around the store. there’s just no more parking.

i do see a lot of single shoppers tho, which is so great. and then you got the families just sticking out like sore thumbs. and young college kids usually shop in threes or fours. but everybody is still taking way too much time. there was an article i read on local grocers and how some already reduced the people inside the stores and how every business is going to follow suit so we will see.

we ran out of eggs. and biscuits. and no significant numbers of paper products all week.

monday 04.06.2020 2pm - 10pm

fuck these customers, man

wednesday 04.08.2020 7am - 3pm

my company will not limit the customer count in the store. at least not in this state. when the whole thing started there was an email about store hours and they listed basically every division of our company and their changed hours - except, you guessed it, ours. i have a feeling they are going off of what other companies are doing around here, so unless theyre limiting people, we won’t. that’s my opinion. after work i realized i forgot butter and swung by a store (from a different company) close to home and they havent limited entrance either. they did have markings on the floor to encourage one way traffic down aisles, and i guess we’re gonna do that too. but nothing else. i did see smaller chains have started to limit people but not companies we’re competing with. so much for that. i guess first we need to have a few positive cases in order for them to change anything. the dollar speaks volumes, eh?

i saw this article a few days ago and i keep thinking about it. it basically sums up everything that’s going through all our minds every day. (i have no idea who this website is, i saw it and i read it and it spoke to me so dont come at me if it’s something weird - i just wanted to provide a source)

I manage a grocery store.

Here’s some things everyone should know

1. I don’t have toilet paper 2. I don’t have sanitizer 3. I run out of milk, eggs and meat daily 4. I promise if it’s out on the shelf … it’s not in a hidden corner of our backroom.

Those are the predictable ones, now for the real stuff

5. I have been doing this for 25 years I did not forget how to order product. 6. I did not cause the warehouse to be out of product/ 7. I schedule as much help as I have, including many workers working TONS of overtime to help YOU. 8. I am sorry there are lines at the check out lanes.

Now for the really important stuff:

9. My team puts themselves in harm’s way every day so you can buy groceries. 10. My team works tirelessly to get product on the floor for you to buy. 11. My team is exhausted. 12. My team is scared of getting sick. 13. My team is human and does not possess an antivirus… they are in just as much danger as you are. (Arguably more) but they show up to work every day just so you can buy groceries 14. My team is tired. 15. My team is very under-appreciated. 16. My team is exposed to more people who are potentially infected in one hour than most of you will in a week (medical community excluded, thank you for all that you do!). 17. My team is abused all day by customers who have no idea how ignorant they are. 18. My team disinfects every surface possible, everyday, just so you can come in grab a wipe from the dispenser, wipe the handle and throw the used wipe in the cart or on the ground and leave it there… so my team can throw it in the trash for you later. 19. My team wonders if you wash your re-usable bags, that you force us to touch, that are clearly dirty and have more germs on them than our shopping carts do. 20. My team more than earns their breaks, lunches and days off. And if that means you wait longer I am sorry.

The last thing I will say is this:

The next time you are in a grocery store, please pause and think about what you are saying and how you are treating the people you encounter. They are the reason you are able to buy toilet paper, sanitizer, milk, eggs, and meat.

If the store you go to is out of an item.. maybe find the neighbor or friend that bought enough for a year … there are hundreds of them… and ask them to spare 1 or 2. They caused the problem to begin with…

And lastly, please THANK the people who helped you. They don’t have to come to work!

#i dont know how to tag it i hate to tag it covid #i think it's gonna be #life in these pandemic times #thanks stumblingoverchaos

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aperrywilliams · 4 years

Text

A Normal Conversation Ch13 (Spencer Reid x Maxine Brenner)

Masterlist

Ch01 Ch02 Ch03 Ch04 Ch05 Ch06 Ch07 Ch08 Ch09 Ch10 Ch11 Ch12 Ch13 Ch14 Ch15 Ch16 Ch17

———————

Chapter 13: Mexico

Summary: Spencer tells Max details of his odyssey in Mexico and its consequences.

Word Count: 6877

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences. Angst, fluff and some smut “tendency”.

Warnings: References to violence, drugs, killing, sex.

A/N: I don’t know why this one was so longer. Hope you enjoy it.

——————–

Next day Spencer's phone woke him up before scheduled. Penelope was calling. They had a case. Once at the BAU, Prentiss told everyone about this one. Their destination was Texas. They should started their fly in 30 minutes. Everyone grabbed their bags and headed to the jet. Sitting in one of the couches, Reid took his cell phone and sent a message to Max: “New case. Texas. I’m ready to leave. How did you sleep?". He got a reply half an hour after: “Hello handsome. Too bad you had to travel so early. I slept very well. Take care and tell me how everything is going”.

That night they was still at the police station where had settled to work on the case. Spencer felt his phone ring: Max was calling.

"Hey, you... how's it going?" Max said on other side of the line.

"Hey... slower than I expected. Not even doing an exhaustive geographic profile I’ve been able to reduce the search ratio…”. Max could feel frustration in his voice.

"Maybe you need to clear your head just a little. Have you come out there to breathe even for a moment today?” Max asked with concern.

"Not really... since we got here it has been a ‘coming and going’. I didn't even realized it's already night…” he said rubbing his neck.

“Fresh air could help… I don't know, try it”. Max said seeking to encourage him.

"Yeah, you're right, I've been on this for too long. I'll try to get out of here for a minute... now changing the subject, how are you?" Spencer asked as he went to a corner of the room to talk to Max.

"Good. Very good indeed!. I had a call from the Smithsonian today. I have an interview scheduled in two days” Max said excitedly.

"Max, that's great! Those are very good news” said Spencer sharing Max's enthusiasm.

"Yes. I know! But I'm so nervous and anxious…” Max admitted.

"Don't worry, everything will be ok. If I don't come back sooner you have to tell me everything about it” said Spencer.

"Sure I will!. Now I’ll let you work… if not your boss will be mad at me” Max said laughing.

"Thanks for calling. Tomorrow I’ll try to call you if we are still here” Spencer said with a sigh.

"Don’t worry handsome. Just keep telling me how everything is going. And remember to take breaks sometimes…” Max answered back.

"Yes, I’ll do it. Bye beauty” Spencer said.

"Bye" Max said before hanged up. Spencer put the cell phone in his blazer’s pocket. When he looked up, Emily was staring him with a smile.

"Max?". Spencer nodded. "How's it going everything between you two?" Prentiss asked.

"Good. Very good I must say…” said Spencer smiling and a little flushed.

“I’m glad. I like to see ‘that’ smile in your face Spence. I’m happy knowing everything goes good. Max looks like a fantastic woman” said Emily.

"She is, indeed...". Spencer stopped a second before knowing whether to continue speaking or not. "It’s... I don't know how to describe it. It's tough to find someone you feel so comfortable with so quickly…”

"It’s a good sign. Try not to rationalize it too much, ok?. Let your feelings speak and not your brain…” Prentiss suggested.

"And how can I do that?" Spencer asked laughing. Prentiss shook her head. “I think a break would be good for us. Do you want to go for a coffee? And I can explain you, genius boy, some things about relationships”.

Spencer nodded and both left the office. Once outside police station, they walked a few blocks to the nearest cafe. They got in and ordered two coffees to go. While they waited, Prentiss began her debrief.

"What particular issue complicates you about your relationship with Max?" Emily asked directly.

"I don’t know. I mean, I think we are at a moment where someone has to take next step… and I don't know if I should do it and what exactly should I do…” Spencer said clearly confused.

"And what would be this step according to you...?" Emily asked as they received their coffees and left the place. Spencer shrugged his shoulders. "But you must have some idea Spencer. I assume you both already kissed. I assume you both by now talked about things you like or not. I presume too you both already talked about sensitive issues in your lives. And I assume you both already slept together...". Spencer's face winced at the last thing Emily said. "Wait… what?, no sex yet?... Are you waiting for a meteor to fall on earth or something like that to do it?" Prentiss said raising her eyebrows and in reproachfully tone.

"No, no sex yet. But don't think 'that' is the only issue for me. We just decided to take things slow. And yes, I’m not going to lie: every day it’s been more difficult for me be faithful to my word, but it’s ok. Last night we had a dinner date and you would have seen her in that dress, I didn't know how to react. Well I had an idea but I didn't dare go further. But it’s ok. I thought it was not the right moment. Or maybe it was and I was so stupid enough to let it go. I don't want to be the one who always expects things to happen, but honestly in this case I’m too scared to take a chance and ruin it…” Spencer said with a hint of frustration in his voice. Then he took a sip of his steaming coffee.

“You're not going to screw it up Spencer. If Max thinks you are being awfully bold, although I doubt it, she’ll tell you. This are things can be discussed, it’s not just about reacting or not reacting. Testing waters is ok, boldness is ok. I don't think she’ll be mad if you are honest in what you feel and what you want"

"This will be easier if were talking about one-night stand…”. Spencer smirked and let out a sigh.

“That is why there’re people who prefer one-night stands before a relationship as such. Well, it’s a personal decision. But in this case, what do you want with Max? If your answer is physical contact and that's it, it's okay. Otherwise, you’ll have to put more things on the balance” said Prentiss taking another sip of her coffee.

"No, I don't just want that. I want more than that” Spencer said convinced of his words.

"Then so those are the options you have to explore. And she has to know it too. Tell her” Emily said trying to encourage him.

"It sounds so easy in words..." Spencer said as they walked back to the police station.

"Hey!, I never said it was easy, I'm just saying it's the most honest thing you can do for yourself and for her" Prentiss said warming her hands with the coffee she was holding. Spencer nodded.

"Yeah, I know. Emily, I really want this to work” Reid replied.

"You'll have to dare then, and put your fears of rejection aside" Prentiss said, giving his shoulder a little squeeze. "Okay, tomorrow I'll hand you the bill of this lovers consulting. Now let's go back to catch our elusive son of a bitch” said Prentiss laughing. Both entered the police station to continue their work.

The case continued developing next day until after mid-afternoon they were capable to identify the unsub and his location. The entire team went to make the arrest since it was likely he has as hostage a potential new victim. Despite there was shotguns exchange, nobody resulted injured and arrest was carried out without major obstacles. Prentiss decided given the hour was a better idea to return DC next morning, so she dispatched the entire team to one of the local hotels so they stay the night.

After having dinner at the first floor hotel’s restaurant with the rest of the team, Spencer went to his room and prepared to go to bed. When he was ready to sleep, he called Max.

"Max?" Spencer said when she answered after the phone rang several times.

"Hey. Spencer… sorry, I was in the kitchen. I didn't hear the phone before. Still in Texas?” Max asked.

"Yes, but not for long. Tomorrow morning we’ll return to DC”

“Good news then. I hear you with fatigued voice. Will you be able to sleep tonight?”

“Yes, in fact, I’m in the hotel room right now. I expect to fall asleep as soon as possible. I just wanted to call you… to say goodnight” Spencer said.

"How cute you are Dr. Reid, had I told you that before?"

"Yes, you did. But I like it when you say it..." Spencer said smiling.

"You’re an entirely cute, adorable and... sexy man... you know?" said Max playfully and laughing.

"Ahh, just what I needed to hear..." Spencer said.

"Since when so snooty Dr. Reid?"

“I said it thinking on heard you laugh. Hearing you laugh was what I needed today before sleep” Spencer said in a soft voice.

"Don't keep saying those things or I'm going right now to the airport to take a flight to Texas" Max said in a warning tone. Spencer chuckled out loud.

"Hey, tomorrow we can see us again. By the way… what time is your interview?” Spencer asked, remembering what they had talking the previous day.

"At noon. The good news are I only have one class early morning so I have plenty of time to get there” said Max.

"Are you anxious…?" Spencer asked.

"To be honest, I’m panicking!" Max recognized.

"Stay calm. Everything will be perfect. Just be you and you’ll see everything will be fine” Spencer said trying to reassure her.

"Are you sure what you're saying? Being me?... I don't know if that'll really work" Max said laughing.

“They’re going to love you. Trust me” Spencer replied.

"Ok, ok. I'm going to do my best to relax myself. Even if I'm almost positive I won't sleep tonight” Max said.

"Well… despite I'm not the best person giving sleep advice, I can only tell you to at least try to rest..."

"I promise I’ll try. And... call me tomorrow when you're already in DC, we can meet in the afternoon if you can... and we can talk about how everything was"

"Right!. Of course, I’ll do it” said Spencer.

"Ok there. Now it’s time to hang up, you must be exhausted. Good night handsome” Max said as a goodbye.

"Good night beauty…". Spencer hang up, put the cellphone on the nightstand and covered himself with the bedspread. The flight would leave early. A few minutes passed and he managed to fall asleep.

Next day, Max at 11:50 was in one of the Smithsonian's offices waiting to be called to her interview. She was moving her hands nervously, biting her lower lip and bouncing one leg while she try to calm down. At that moment a woman appears through one of the doors and asks "Maxine Brenner?". Max gets up. The woman invites her to get in to the office and closes the door behind her.

Past 12:55 Max finished the interview. She said goodbye to the woman with whom was talking and go out into the hall where the front doors was. As she was going down the stairs noticed Spencer staring at her with one foot propped on the last step.

“Spencer! What are you doing here? I thought you’d call me when you'd arrive to DC…” Max said when she saw him. Reaching almost to the last rung without thinking she wrapped her arms around his neck. Reid quickly took her by the waist and stamped a kiss on her lips.

"I came to reach you. We arrived DC early and I have the rest of the day off. How was it?" Reid asked brushing her bit messy hair.

"The interview... was good... I think. Although the process continues. At least I’m very satisfied with all I said in there…” Max said with a shrug.

“They’re going to realize that you’re are the best for this position. You'll see” said Spencer winking and stamping a kiss on her lips again.

“Uhmm… I’m going to hire you as my personal trainer. You’re more effective than my head-hunter” Max said laughing. Spencer returned her an open smile.

"Lunch time? There’re very good places around here” said Spencer, holding her hand.

"Yeah, good idea. After that we can walk for a while. I think we both need fresh air and this day seems very favorable for it” said Max. Spencer nodded and they started walking.

They found a small restaurant not very crowded where to have lunch. While they were eating Spencer asked Max for details of the interview. She told him this round was with a first selection of 10 applicants, so later they should call her for a final interview if she make it to the shortlist.

Max also told Reid about what should do if she was picked: the development of special programs also required its be commanded by the professionals themselves and training the volunteers who worked in them. It was a full time job and required a lot of organization. As Max talk about the things she can do with the job, Spencer could see how her eyes sparkled with pure emotion. Reid wondered if was the same look he irradiated when he speaks fervently about his own work. Spencer thought probably it is.

With lunch finished Spencer and Max began to walk through the surrounding streets and headed into a park near the museum. At that time people were seen walking from their lunches back to their workplaces, just a few children playing and people walking their pets. They were both holding hands as they walked in a slow pace.

Max stopped Spencer in one of the park's water fountains where people spontaneously toss coins to make wishes. Some people like named it as Trevi’s Fountain from DC. It seemed strange to Spencer and he couldn't help but frown.

"Yes, I know what you’re thinking right now. But superstition is something we have always lived with and it’s happen around the world. We cannot ignore that” said Max.

"I know that. I also have my own superstitions... but I think this is an excess. I mean, it’s ok… this is a tradition in some parts of the world but I think trying to replicate it here just for vogue… doesn't seem… effective?… for me”. He tried to explain.

"What if it's a leap of faith? People might really believe their wishes could come true, regardless of whether it’s the fountain in the park or the bathtub in their home. I don't see how different it’s from the fantasy stories we ourselves tell to our kids when are child” said Max.

"Ok. Maybe I can believe in leaps of faith, but as such, I believe in those who are more spontaneous and not just for 'copying' a tradition from another part of the world" said Spencer scratching his chin.

"Yeah, this is not the most original thing in the world, I agree with you, but it still seems valid to me" Max replied. Spencer shrugged his shoulders.

"I suppose human beings are meant to find the necessary methods to clear the uncertainties of life... in the way they can do it"

"Talking about that methods… do you think that includes science itself?" Max asked curiously.

"Of course. I do. Above time I made the conclusion science is 'our' leap of faith to facts give us certainty and peace of mind to some extent”. Max looked Reid and waited a few seconds before talking again.

“Have you ever done something like that? I mean, have you ever taken a 'leap of faith' outside of the science system? Have you never wanted something so badly it doesn’t matter if it’s endorsed or not by the rules of scientific method? I’m talking about wanting something very much could so you make it happen”. Spencer thought for a moment before answered.

“Well… if you put it in that way… I don't know if exactly I did that before. You know I’m a man of science. But the closest thing to a 'leap of faith' I've had was when I was looking for a cure for my mom…”. Spencer said it not knowing if was best example but it was the most recent thing that came to his mind.

"What you did then ...?" Max asked.

"Well, I explored all the possibilities. After researching all science could offer, I began to evaluate 'experimental' possibilities. When those possibilities were running out, I was already determined to try anything…”

"That was what brought you to Mexico, right?" Max asked. Spencer nodded.

"Yeah. I couldn’t say if 'faith' made me do it... maybe was the idea I could do something about it, even if it was slightly outside science and the law... I thought if there was a chance I needed to try…”. Spencer said scratching the back of his neck again.

“And your mom agreed?"

"No, she never agreed. And I think there lies my first mistake. Trying to fix something beyond my power. Deep down, my man of science told me it was useless…”

"But you still made all those trips..." Max added.

"Yes. I believed doing those trips I could get the medicines I was convinced were working and the treatment could continue and thus see my mom improve…” Spencer said with a bitter smile.

"When you knew something was wrong?" Max asked. Spencer thought for a second before answering.

"I think was when I walked into that motel room. Being there was the most bizarre thing of all. After happened the irruption in the room, the hit of my body on the floor, the loss of consciousness. I’ve being drugged and when I realized it… it was too late. From there I only have half-filled spaces. I was filling them during the time I was in jail…” Reid stated with a frown.

"I still don't understand how they managed to deceive everyone into thinking you had done it .." Max said referring to the murder of Nadia Ramos. Spencer stared her and shrug. They had stopped walking in front of a bench. Spencer decided to sit down. Max did the same. Then Spencer began to speak.

“I didn't make it so difficult for them either. No one knew about my trips to Mexico. I didn't tell Emily or JJ because I knew inside of me it was crazy and I didn't want to involve anyone in it... in case something went wrong... although I hoped, of course, nothing would go wrong. At the end when they arrested me they were surprised like anyone else when they were notified”. Spencer said with a sigh. There was a small silence before Max spoke again.

"And being incarcerated...? How did you manage to stay sane...?" Max asked with some caution because she knew it was a complex topic. Spencer glanced her and couldn't help but make an awkward grimace.

"I didn't..." he said regretfully. He paused and continued speaking without taking his eyes off a stone placed in the grass. "Max… being there… I saw things I never thought I would see and I did things I didn't think I could ever do..." Max searched his gaze before speaking.

"Hey... it’s okay, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I get it…” Max said trying to get him off the topic. She realized it was something so alive in him, as if time still didn't heal the wound enough. She regretted having asked so many questions about that.

"No. I think I should do it... and not just like a way of relief for me, which is already pure egoism from me. It is also to keep me honest with you. I’ll not be very detailed on this… but I just think you deserve to know..."

"Ok. If it's what you want to do, it's ok. You can trust me” Max said taking his hand and holding it tight.

Spencer related how were the first weeks in prison. About the hierarchy between guards and inmates. The dominance of each ringleader, the privileges, the torture, the drug traffic. Reid told Max how he believed had a friend and finally ended up being his worst nightmare inside the prison. Spencer told her how he was forced to see how they stabbed and killed the only person who was kind to him at the time. He told her how he did alter the drug was imposed to him distribute inside the prison and how that almost cost lives of several inmates.

Reid told Max about the beatings, the way how he ensured to stay isolated in the last days and how witnessed directly how his mother was kidnapped in front of his eyes. When Spencer finished saw Max silently staring at him almost without blinking, but he couldn't tell if her face was one of fright, disappointment, or something else. Until she decided to speak.

"You needed to survive. I can't think of any other way to have done it…” Max said, rubbing Spencer's arm to try to comfort him.

"But do you realize I was willing to... killing people?. It was on my mind and it made me frantic. And it's not like I haven't done it before, I'm not going to lie about it. But I think it’s the first time I have questioned myself harder about taking someone else's life…”. Spencer said quietly but visibly affected.

"Spencer, they would have killed you if you stayed still... maybe you wouldn't be talking about this now" Max said trying to make Spencer seeing he had no choice.

"Probably. But is reason enough to have done what I did?...”. Max cut him off.

"Hey, stop! We are talking about your life Spencer. And although I could be sure you have probably despised your own life more than once putting yourself in danger for others… that moment the danger was there, in front of you... you were the victim”. Spencer glanced her in silence for a moment. Then he began to speak again.

"You know... I was so scared. For real. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation, having to be alert all the time, but I thought many times that I wasn't going to get out of there and maybe... it would be better they kill me once. I thought about it so many times... I wanted it so many times...". Spencer's voice was nearly to break.

"Come here" said Max pull him to an embrace. “You chose the hard option. And you didn't do it just for yourself, you did it for your mom, for your friends, for those who left everything to help you get out of there” said Max. Spencer couldn't stop some tears from coming out of his eyes. Max rubbed his back holding him close.

"And all thanks to that bitch..." Max said trying to contain her anger.

"Another of Cat's 'gifts'" added Spencer, who had his chin resting on the top of Max head. "But it's no longer worth wasting words on her..."

"I know that. But look what she did to you. She made those beautiful eyes darker and gloomier…” Max said breaking the embrace and fixing her gaze on him, while with one of her thumbs dried some tears from Spencer’s face.

"But I still have beautiful eyes ... don't I?" Spencer said trying to joke.

"Of course you do. But when something makes you wander in those dark places you went through, that dark look returns and doesn’t allow anyone to know what you are thinking…”

"Maybe one day that look it will go away... or maybe it won't... do you think this will ever happen?". Spencer's question seemed almost rhetorical to himself but it came out of his mouth anyway.

"I know you’ll do your best to recover yourself... and ... I’ll also do my best to help you, of course, if you leave me..." said Max approaching to give him a kiss. Spencer took her cheeks and leaned in close enough for their lips to meet. It was a long, soft kiss. Max pulled away and took his hand again.

"Now look around you..." she said pointing to the location where they were. Spencer did it without understand why he had to. “You deserve to appreciate all of this, enjoy every second of your life. If you had let yourself die you wouldn’t have this opportunity. Everything around you is something you can be grateful for every day you wake up. Your mom, your job, your friends... you earned it Spencer, you deserve it and you deserve much more in this life. Don't let it go away through things you can do nothing about” said Max, squeezing his hand. Spencer said nothing, just nodded and returned a smile, also squeezing her hand in return.

Would Max be right? Reid thought good things were not meant for him and it was rare he could feel he 'deserved' better things in life. He was simply used to not having them. But here was this woman reassuring him to seek for something better, to leave the past as such and stop for a second to look at things he had and not the ones he had lost.

They were sitting on the bench, holding each other in silence, watching their surroundings. Max didn't want to say anything, she knew Spencer's brain was working 1000% of its capacity at the time. She conformed feeling him breathe more easier and feeling one of his hands caress her hair every so often. When he was ready, Spencer spoke again.

"Thank you..." he said, kissing the top of her head. For Max it was enough. His inner world had a constant battle of who knows how much more burden he had to bear. Perhaps this was the tip of the iceberg, but at least she believed behind all it there was a wonderful man who was worth any effort.

"Thank you… for trusting me. I know how difficult this can be, especially if you've been through so much…” Max said. Spencer nodded. He got up from the bench and offered his hand to Max.

"Shall we walk?... I think it's coffee time..." Spencer said with a small smile. Max nodded and took his hand to get up. They began to walk and stopped a few meters away in a coffee truck. They got two coffees and continued walking in silence for a while. Spencer started to speak in a moment.

"I don't know how this is going to sound like, but ... I think I need to tell you something..." Max glanced at him. They kept walking in slow pace.

"Tell me what...?" Max asked.

"Ok, uhm... I've thought about this for weeks. I know I shouldn't. I've already been told with enervation I shouldn't think about things so much... but I can't help it. I ... well, since the little time we have known each other, have felt very comfortable with you, and believe me this happens to me, to say, almost never. I know my social skills are limited, although I have improved them over time. As well as my confidence... I think. What I mean is I wish we could continue to make progress on this. And I wanted you to know, just in case my signals weren't clear enough. Sometimes I don't know if I’m very subtle for some things. And by moving forward I don't just mean getting the physical stage... although yes! I'm interested on it, a lot… really a lot… but it's not the only thing, I promise…”. Spencer paused for a moment. "I know, I'm already rambling again...". Max couldn't help but laugh. They both stopped walking and Max seek out his face.

"Hey, it’s not necessary say it. If you don't want to say anything, that's fine, you don't have to. And if it helps I have also thought, I don't know if as profusely as you... but I think my conclusion is same yours. I really like you Spencer and that's beyond knowing how wonderful you are as a person. I want to continue to know you and be part of your world, just as I would hope you wanted to be part of mine”. Max rose over her feet and searching his lips gave him a soft kiss. Spencer let out a sigh. They both smiled. After a few seconds of silence, Spencer spoke again.

"You are clearly much better at expressing these kind of things than me..." Max started laughing as Spencer took a sip of his coffee.

"I just want you to relax. We both deserve to enjoy ‘this’ and I would not feel comfortable knowing there are things complicating you or you don’t know how to tell me" said Max. Spencer nodded as they started walking again. After a silent moment walking, Spencer glanced Max.

"Max? Would you mind if we went to my place now? There is something I would like to show you” Max looked at him curiously.

"Now?" Max asked. Spencer nodded. "Okay. We can do that…".

"Perfect". Spencer, without hiding his smile, hold her hand again and they walked out of the park.

When they got to the apartment, Spencer pulled out his key, unlocked the handle, and opened the door.

"Please, come in..." He gestured for her to get in first.

“Wow. I haven't been here since…” Max said. Spencer interrupted her.

"That night…"

"Yeah... that night" said Max looking more closely the place.

"If you're uncomfortable just we can..." Spencer said thinking Max might not want to be there.

"No no no. You live here and if you can do it, me too. This time I’ll make sure to examine everything in exhaustive way” she said laughing.

"Okay. Can I bring you something?" Spencer asked.

"Water would be fine" said Max. As she began to look at the library spotted in one of the walls. "Now I can take a good look at these books... it is an impressive collection I must say..."

"Anyway, it's not as big as you thought it would be..." Spencer said as he handed her a glass of water.

"Right, I think you weren't really underestimating your library..." Max said laughing and taking sips of water. "What do we have here...?" she took an album that was on top of some shelves.

"Photos ..." Spencer said scratching his head.

"May I…?" Max asked before opening it, thinking that maybe Spencer didn't want me to see it.

"Yes, you can. But first I want you to see something else" Spencer's mysterious tone started to worry Max a bit. What was that sudden interest in dragging her into his place? What would he want to show her? When they were on the way, Max thought it was just an excuse to both of them be alone, but now she doubted the real reason for all this.

Spencer quickly made his way to the bedroom and started rummaging things in his travel bag. Max, sat on the sofa, could only hear the noise of things moving from one place to another, but without deciphering much more. When Spencer poked his head out of his bedroom he saw Max follow him with her eyes and visible curiosity.

"Come on, close your eyes. It's a surprise” said Spencer enthusiastic like a child.

"Are you kidding?". Max asked with more curiosity than ever.

"Nope. Come on, close your eyes!”. Reid instructed.

"Ok ... ok. Eyes closed” Max said, letting out a nervous laugh. Spencer reached over and placed a rectangular package perfectly wrapped on her lap.

"Ok. Now you can open your eyes". Max looked in her lap and saw the wrapped package.

"A gift Spencer? Why...?". Max was confused.

"Open it". Reid stood in front of Max as she tried to pull out the wrapper and find out what was hidden underneath it. She noticed it was a book, but still couldn't see the cover. When she managed to remove all the wrapper, her eyes widened and without realizing it, her face went from curiosity to amazement and ending in happiness.

"Spencer!, how the hell did you know...?"

"Let's say with some evidence I was able to collect from your apartment and from the things we've talked about, I thought you might like it..."

"If would like it me? I wanted it so badly since I found out it had been published!" Max said as she tentatively flipped through a few pages.

The book Max was holding in her hands was a publication by Kassia St. Clair called "Secret Lives Of Color" which delves into the history of more than 70 colors and tones historically used in painting. In Spencer's opinion, this book is a good combination of art, history and science.

"I didn't know if to give it to you now or wait... I didn’t know. But anyway when I saw it I thought of you and decided to buy it, although without a clear idea of when hand it to you. So… why not now?” Spencer said with a shrug. Without warning Max got up from the couch and caught Spencer in a warm hug.

"It's perfect!... thank you so much. You didn’t have to do it". Max rose to her feet and wrapped her arms around Reid's neck as she joined her lips to his. Spencer returned the kiss taking her by the waist and sticking her as close as possible to his body. He parted slightly just to speak.

"So you now know you have me thinking about you many times in the day..." he said in a soft voice and almost in a whisper. Max blushed a little.

"You flatter me Dr. Reid" Max said also whispering in his ear. Spencer smiled and with one of his hands began brushing Max's hair while his eyes were riveted on hers and on her face which was still lit with emotion. In his head he couldn't get the idea this small-bodied woman had him crazy, and every time he felt needed to be close to her, to feel her, to listen to her, to smell her. Was he getting crazy? Is what they call infatuation? Is it something else? Again his head returned to trigger thoughts and trace mental routes of what could happen. He forced himself to suspend those thoughts. Reid decided to focus on the happiness of seeing Max's smile. That was enough for him in that minute. After a few seconds contemplating her opened his mouth to speak.

"Do you still want to see the album? I can give you a brief tour of those old photos if you want..." said Reid smiling.

"Yes, I would love to". They both sat on the couch. Spencer handed her the album and she started leafing through it, while Spencer related the story of each of the photographs pasted in the book. Max was laughing at Spencer's childhood photos. She saw a picture of his young mom.

"Your mom? ... she's so beautiful ..." Max declared.

"She is, of course, she was younger on this one..." Spencer said looking at her mother's photo. “She is truly a wonderful woman… she has taught me a lot. Sure she would like you…”. Max smiled at the compliment.

"Surely you inherited that genius brain from her..." said Max. Reid laughed.

"And a few other things, for sure… like the stubbornness..." Spencer said looking at Max who was distracted for a second by the intensity with which Spencer's eyes stared her. Then she went back over the album.

"And this is you? How old were you here...?" Max asked pointing to another photo on that same page.

"About 7 years old. I was already in the middle of the school phase… the pissed face says it all…” Spencer said huffing.

"You look adorable... and this one?" Max said pointing to another photograph from the album.

“This is a recreation my mom did a time I tried to walk on the fence of my house… swinging with a broomstick. My mom told me a few years ago this mark on my arm was the result of my boldness… you will understand the result of that feat was not what I expected”. Spencer laughed as he showed Max his right arm and pointed a scar. Max smiled and without notice took his arm, brought it to her lips and pressed a long, soft kiss to his scar. The contact of her lips with his skin sent an electrifying sensation all over Spencer's body, who fixed his gaze on her eyes and smiled.

With the same arm he held Max's wrist. With his free hand he took her chin and moved close enough to feel her breathing, closing his eyes and began to kiss her. She answered this warm kiss putting her own hand on his. The kiss grew more intense and urgent as the seconds ticked by, and it made Max stop paying attention to the album, which Spencer, without opening his eyes or stopping kissing her, took and left on the coffee table. Max squeeze Spencer's shoulders as they continued to kiss. Max stepped back a bit so she could breathe.

"You're... very intense today..." she said as she fondled his hair and looked at him almost without blinking.

"Sorry. I can't help it with you" Spencer said throwing himself at her lips again. And so, lying on the couch they developed an extensive make out session. After another moment where they both needed to breathe, Max spoke again.

"You're making me difficult go home..." Max whispered.

"Maybe... you just could..." said Spencer sinking his mouth into Max's neck who voiced a moan.

"Could…what?" Max tried to ask.

"Could you stay... a little longer" Reid said trying to catch her lips again.

"Spencer..." Max said, letting out another groan as she played with his tie with one of her hands.

"Max... please, stay...". Not wanting to think too much about what he was doing, he dared to explore with his hands Max's back under her t-shirt. He could feel her bare skin with his fingers. The sensation made Max escaped a gasp. She thought about putting her will back together and declining Reid's obvious invitation, but her body was reacting completely in the opposite way. With her hands began to loosen Spencer's tie and play with the buttons on his shirt. If this was the moment, she wasn't going to back down this time. Spencer was already determined too. He had taken the plunge and none of them had declared second thoughts about it. He wanted to have her right now, right there.

The sound of Spencer's phone ended up burying anything could keep moving forward at this moment. Spencer snorted at the sound. "Sorry... so sorry, give me a second... it sure is nothing". He looked the caller ID saw it was Prentiss. He got up from the couch whining and answered the phone. "Hello. What is it?... now? Are you sure?... Ok. Okay. Yes, I know… I understand. I will arrive as soon as I can...”. Spencer hang up and stared Max with the biggest disappointed look she'd ever seen on him before. "We have a case". Max covered her mouth with one of her hands as starting a nervous laugh.

"Ok then... well, I think we should put this on hold for now..." Max said as she adjusted her clothes.

"I'm truly sorry…". Spencer sat back down on the couch to take Max's face and look her in the eye. "I hate having to leave this… like this ... I'm sorry I killed the mood ..." Reid said as he buried his face in Max’s shoulder.

“It’s ok Spencer. Just I hate you because I will need take a cold shower when I get to my place” said Max joking. Spencer smiled. "Oh, and you should also notify ‘your friend’ he’ll have to wait" Max said pointing to his visible erection. Spencer blushed looking at his slacks.

"Yeah… I think my heart is still pumping too much blood to that place..." Spencer said with a shy smirk. Max got up from the couch to pick her belongings.

"I can take you to your place before I go to the BAU..." Spencer offered.

"No. It's okay. I’ll pick a taxi. Also you must hurry, it seemed something urgent. Just keep me posted, ok?” Spencer nodded.

Before leaving, Max approached Reid, lift up a bit and gave him a passionate kiss. When she pulled away from him, she whispered into his ear. “When we come back on this, trust me, it will be totally worth the wait. I will make it worth every second, so get ready handsome”. Spencer shuddered with Max’s words as he watched her disappear down the stairs.

“I’m going to kill you Emily…” he told himself adjusting his clothes, grabbing his blazer and going out the apartment.

——————–

#spencer reid #maxine brenner #maxcer #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfiction #dr. spencer reid

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duhragonball · 4 years

Text

[FIC] Luffa: The Legendary Super Saiyan (127/?)

Disclaimer: This story features characters and concepts based on Dragon Ball, which is a trademark of Bird Studio/Shueisha and Toei Animation. This is an unauthorized work, and no profit is being made on this work by me. This story is copyright of me. Download if you like, but please don’t archive it without my permission. Don’t be shy.

Continuity Note: About 1000 years before the events of Dragon Ball Z.

[4 August 233 Before Age. Nagaoka.]

"Perfect. Absolutely perfect."

Treekul had spent the last several days laboring over a hot alembic, preparing a reagent at Rehval's instruction. Her lavender skin was dirty with soot and sweat. Her lips were dry and her eyes bleary from lack of sleep and water. Lowering herself to her knees, she laid the bottle containing her finished project at Rehval's feet, and waited for him to examine it for his appraisal.

"The war goes well, Treekul," he said, ignoring her reagent completely. "Luffa hasn't left Federation space for over four months now. I've bottled her in. It's perfect."

Treekul didn't particularly care about the war. She knew Rehval was waging one, and that he was using his cult followers as soldiers, but she wanted nothing to do with either. She had been brought to this place against her will, and Rehval refused to let her leave. It might have been simpler for him to kill her, but Rehval seemed to fancy the idea of grooming Treekul as an apprentice in the alchemical arts. This didn't interest her much either. Treekul was an alchemical historian, not a practitioner. She had only played along so far in the hopes that Rehval would let his guard down and give her an opportunity to escape.

And so, she didn't particularly care what he thought about the small bottle of golden liquid she had laid at his feet. All that mattered was that she had done as he asked, and that he would trust her a little more than ha had trusted her yesterday. So if he wanted to congratulate himself on his military adventures, Treekul would play along.

"Is that what this is about, boss?" she asked. "Bottling up the Super Saiyan? Because I don't see what good it does you. From what you've told me, everyone you've sent into Fed space has gotten killed. You can't keep this up forever."

"I don't need to contain Luffa forever," he said. "The point is that I've proven that it can be done at all. A day, a week, a month. The duration isn't as important as the precedent it sets. In my own way, I've shown the universe that I can overpower Luffa."

"Sorry, but I don't get it," Treekul said. "The way you talk about the war, it sounds like more of a stalemate than anything else."

"You lack vision, my disciple," Rehval said.

"Maybe, but I think my vision would be a lot clearer if I got some food and sleep," Treekul said. Wearily, she pointed up at the bottle. "It wasn't exactly easy making that stuff. I don't even know what it's for."

"Ah, how inconsiderate of me," Rehval said. He clapped his hands, and a pair of Saiyan men entered the room and stood at attention. Rehval pointed at Treekul like she was an dead animal he wanted removed from his presence.

"Priestess Treekul has undergone a great trial," he told them. "You will attend to her needs, and escort her back here in six hours."

"Twelve would be better," Treekul yawned, rubbing her eyes for effect.

"Six will have to do," he replied with an unctuous smile. "We still have much work to do, you and I."

Treekul sighed and went with the acolytes.

*******

Treekul wanted a shower, but the Jindan Cult seemed to prefer sponge baths. As a priestess, she had enough rank to at least keep the male acolytes out of the room during this, although they insisted on women taking over their duties in their absence. Treekul at least managed to talk them down to merely standing by while she handled the sponge herself.

"Just seems like everything around here is designed to humiliate a person," Treekul mumbled as she squeezed the sponge into a pot before drawing up clean water from another.

"Sure!" said one of the Saiyan women. "It's like the Thrice-Blessed always says. You gotta reduce an ore down to get at the true essence."

"Oh, I get it now," the other woman said. "For a minute there, I thought you were displeased with us, Priestess, and that was why you wouldn't let us help you. But making us stand around and watch is even more degrading than having us wash you off!"

"I'm not making you watch," Treekul grumbled. "As far as I'm concerned you two can go wander off and do something else, or at least turn around."

"Sorry, your grace," one of them said. "We have standing orders to see that no one harms you."

"Yeah, there's still some Saiyans here who haven't exactly... gotten with the program, you know?" the other one explained. "And if one of them lashed out in frustration, an alien like you might be hurt."

"Wonderful," Treekul said. "So where's Maro and Kocho? They're my usual babysitters, not those two men you replaced."

"I don't know, your grace," the first one said. "We normally serve the male priests, so we don't spend a lot of time with the acolytes who serve the women."

Treekul kept her head down so they wouldn't notice her frustration. She had talked Maro into escorting her to the shipyard. He thought she was only interested in meeting the technicians who maintained it, when her true motive was to gather information to plan an escape. But their schedules never seemed to line up, and then she stopped seeing him altogether. This was probably a simple duty rotation, but she didn't know enough about the cultist's work assignments to be certain, and she was afraid that it might be conspicuous if she asked too many questions about it. She could probably find another cultist willing to show her the shipyard, but that might also attract attention.

So she took a different tack, and chatted with the women about the compound's water supply. All she had seen of the cult was a series of natural and manmade caverns, connected by tunnels that were carved out of solid rock. Treekul had never seen the surface of the planet, but from they told her, it was an uninhabited wilderness. Work details were occasionally sent topside to gather fresh water from polar glaciers. So even if Treekul made it out of the compound, there wouldn't be a city of helpful natives to look for.

"Maro told me the skies were beautiful at night," Treekul lied. "Where I come from, there's too much light pollution to see the stars."

"I've never been outside," one of the acolytes said. "But I know there's no stars out there. Someone told me there's cloud cover over the whole atmosphere."

Foiled again. Treekul looked down and pretended to be very interested in scrubbing her left knee. She had no idea where Nagaoka even was in relation to the rest of the galaxy. The stars in the sky might have given her some clues, but now even those were denied to her. It was beginning to look like everything depended on getting herself a ship, and that all hinged on finding Maro.

*******

[4 August, 233 Before Age. Zenj I.]

Maro was his name. Zatte knew this because he wouldn't shut up about it, and she could hear his chatter over the communicator in her ear. All of the Jindan cultists were eager to prove themselves in battle, but that eagerness made them careless. Two miles away from the battlefield, Zatte watched Maro through the telescopic sight of her plasma rifle, and when she was sure that he was standing still, she opened fire.

Her ability to manipulate energy had a number of applications, but for combat, she preferred to bend light around herself as a nearly perfect camouflage. For this shot, she dropped that invisibility field, allowing her to focus her power on guiding her ammunition to the target. It was a difficult technique, one she was still struggling to master, but it allowed her to strike from greater distances. And it worked. She saw Maro fall through the scope, heard his blustery talk cut off in mid-sentence, and sensed his ki energy vanish in an instant.

Luffa was hurting. These groups of Jindan raiders were no match for her, but each one managed to get a few licks in, and she had been fighting them on planet after planet for weeks. Dr. Topsas had developed mycotherapy techniques to heal her quickly, but it still took a few days for that to work, and once it was done, Luffa would have to return to the grind. There seemed to be no end to the Jindan attacks on Federation territory, and no way to take the fight to them.

Luffa probably should have undergone mycotherapy after the last battle, but she wanted to take care of the cultists in the Zenj System first. And on paper, it was probably worth it. She was more than holding her own against the cultists, but Zatte could tell that Luffa's moves were sluggish and pained compared to her usual self. Normally, Zatte never even got a chance to fire her rifle in these battles. Luffa made a game of trying to defeat the enemy before Zatte could get off a shot. This time, Zatte had made five kills, and lining up for a sixth.

It was gratifying to assist Luffa this much, but it was troubling to know that she needed this much help. To a casual observer, the Legendary Super Saiyan would have seemed as invincible as ever. She was a gleaming yellow blur, dodging and deflecting the cultists's attacks, and countering their numbers with overwelming force. But Zatte could hear Luffa's grunts and stifled groans through the communications earpiece. She could sense that Luffa's power wasn't quite as high as usual. And she had seen her various injuries back on their ship.

It reminded Zatte of Luffa's defeat against the Tikosi. As horrific as that day was, Zatte kept reminding herself that it directly resulted in Luffa's ascension, and all of the good that came with it. Luffa was destined to prevail. Providence would see to that. All Zatte had to do was hold on tight and help Luffa along until her purpose was fulfilled.

She noticed one of the Saiyan cultists had broken off from the group. They knew there was a shooter, and this one was trying to track Zatte down. "Good luck," were the words she mouthed to herself. A ballistics team with advanced equipment might have been able to follow the path of her plasma bursts back to the source, but all this man had were his senses. Zatte doubted that even a Saiyan could pick up her scent from two miles downwind, and she had cloaked herself completely from ki senses and visible light. Even if he fired an energy blast in her general direction, it would have to be such a wide dispersal that she was certain she could deflect the worst of it. He'd just leave himself wide open for Luffa.

Take your best shot, she thought as she lined him up in her scope. He seemed to be taking his time, moving erratically through the air to avoid her fire while he prepared himself. And as Zatte waited for him, she noticed something.

It was a Zenjin ki signature, one so faint that she hadn't even noticed it until now. This part of the city was supposed to have been evacuated, but someone had stayed behind. Moving carefully, Zatte looked up from the broken wall she had been using for cover. Less than a hundred yards away, she spotted a child. A little boy, she thought. She had trouble telling when it came to Zenjins. Something about their antennae, and the patterns on the wings that hung from their backs like capes.

He was dressed in an imitation of Zenjin military garb, and seemed to be watching the battle through a pair of telescopic goggles. He reminded her of herself as a child, always playing soldier.

This was bad. If the Saiyan had sensed his life energy, the he might concentrate his attack in this direction. Zatte might still survive, but the boy would definitely not. Even if she managed to line up a shot and take out the Saiyan first, one of the others might pick up where he left off. And Luffa's hands were full at the moment.

There was only one choice. The Dorlun survival ethic placed self-preservation above all else. Luffa was xan-nil'Dor, chosen by Providence, so that made dying for Luffa a rare exception. To forsake that sacred duty for a child she didn't even know wasn't just a bad idea. It was heretical, a betrayal of everything the Dorluns believed.

Zatte leaped out from her cover and ran as fast as she could to reach the boy. Thanks to Luffa's training, she was able to cross the distance in only a few seconds, but using her top speed also meant that she had to drop her invisibility field. The Saiyan spotted her immediately.

"Who--?" the boy started to ask as Zatte snatched him up in her arms. She kept moving, slowing down only enough to restore her cloaking effect around them both.

"I'm Luffa's shadow," Zatte said between breaths. The situation was bad enough without telling him her name. She was zealous enough to bend and twist the survival ethic, but not that far. There were other Dorluns out there, she hoped, and there was no reason to tell this boy of their existence. Not that he was likely to threaten her people, but there was still the principle of the thing.

"I can't see!" the boy gasped.

"I made us invisible," Zatte said. Each Dorlun had a unique ability, and hers allowed her to bend light rays around herself. Now that she was close enough to him, she could bend the light around the child too, but she couldn't share her ability to see through the cloaking effect. To him, it looked like the whole world had gone dark. She wanted to explain this to him, to assure him that he was safer now that she could use her powers to protect him, but before she could speak, she was knocked off her feet by an explosion.

The next thing she knew, she was lying on the ground, still clutching the child in her arms, and looking up at the Saiyan who had been searching for her.

"Well what do we have here?" he asked with a triumphant sneer. "I always knew the Super Saiyan was an alien trick, and here I find an alien supporting Luffa on the battlefield. Let me guess: she's really an android, and your job is to shoot anyone who gets close enough to see through her holographic effects."

"It's going to be all right," Zatte said to the boy. "You're safe as long as you stay close to me." From the way he trembled, she didn't think he believed her, but she wanted to say it anyway.

"Yeah," the Saiyan said. "That explains how she seemed to move so quickly. It's that invisibility effect you use. You make your puppet disappear and reappear, or even project illusions of her to throw us off-balance." He took a step back from her and pointed his short spear at her. "You're quite the little witch, aren't you, One-Eye? Better keep my distance, eh? I bet if I came any closer you'd use some other secret weapon on me."

He was right. In a pinch, Zatte could use her ability to burst blood vessels, but that trick only worked in close quarters. She had dropped her rifle when she ran to get the boy, and her speed and invisibility were useless with him standing right in front of her.

"You can't kill me," Zatte said, her left eye opening wide with conviction. "You'd be better off running away, or begging for mercy."

"Is that right?" he chuckled. The tip of his spear began to glow pale blue as he prepared his attack. "And why is th--?"

He suddenly noticed an intense increase in ki on the battlefield. Zatte felt it too, felt his comrades all scatter as golden balls of fire came streaking out towards them. Zatte had used her abilities to cloud the Saiyan's senses, so that he didn't know what was going on until just now, when it was too late. He tried to dodge the blast that now approached him, but it struck anyway, and when the light faded and the smoke cleared, he looked like he could barely stand. His clothes and hair were singed beyond recognition, and his skin was covered in burns and scorchmarks.

"I'm with her to the end," Zatte said, although she doubted that he could still hear her. "She and I will die together, so you'll never kill me unless I'm by her side."

He still had enough in him to step forward, no longer caring about any secret weapon Zatte might have. As he raised his spear, he suddenly stopped, and looked down at his abdomen to find a fist that had impaled him from behind.

"That was a mistake," Luffa said so quietly that Zatte only heard it through her earpiece. The man tried to turn his spear on Luffa's bloody wrist, acting more on instinct than any sensible plan, but then a golden glow appeared on her arm, which spread out to envelop his entire body. He made a weak, anguished cry of pain, and then he disintegrated like burning guncotton, and leaving only Luffa where he once stood.

"Are you all right?" Luffa asked, sounding more fatigued than she probably meant to. There was blood on her black racerback and yellow pants, and Zatte knew at least some of it was Luffa's own.

Zatte released the child and rose to her feet. "I'm fine," she said. "What about--?"

"Let's... let's get back to the ship," she said, then turning to the boy: "You can find your own way home, right, soldier?"

He was so awestruck that he almost forgot to answer, and Luffa barely waited for him to nod. "Good. Let's go," she said.

*******

[4 August 233 Before Age. Nagaoka.]

Treekul expected her next lesson to be an evaluation of her last assignment. Instead, she entered Rehval's laboratory and found him dressed like he was going to an expensive restaurant instead of presiding over a cult.

"I'd like you to wear this instead," Rehval said. He held up a black dress and presented it to Treekul before she could even step towards him.

"I thought the robes were specially treated to protect us from chemical burns," Treekul asked as she reluctantly accepted Rehval's gift. It was one of the few things she appreciated about her 'apprenticeship'. Her priestess garment was little more than strips of red cloth haphazardly arranged into a dress, but he had to cover her in more modest protective equipment for the lab work.

"Oh, we won't be slaving over the retorts this time," he said with a laugh. "I thought I'd treat you to something special. A little reward for your hard work."

She waited for him to tell her where to change, and when he didn't she simply headed for the bathroom and put on the dress there. She recognized the style as Camelian fashion. The neckline was square and the hem was in a sawtooth pattern. What truly grabbed Treekul's attention was what was attached to the dress. The price tag was still hanging from the inside of the back, and it identified a particular clothing store as its point of origin. She removed it, but folded the tag in with her usual clothes so she could look at it later. With any luck, it would help her figure out where to go whenever she found a way off the planet.

Rehval put his arm around her waist and led her to a room she had never seen before. Gold bullion lay in piles on the floor. A statue of a woman holding a torch-- also gold-- stood on a pedestal along one of the walls. A scarlet cloth hung over the figure's shoulders. Several paintings adorned the walls, including portraits she recognized from her alchemical history textbooks. In the center of the room was a small-but-expensive-looking table, with dinner served for two. A bottle of wine in a gilded bucket of ice served as a centerpiece for the occasion.

"There's not much to see outside of the caverns," he explained. "So when I want to share my aesthetics with someone, I bring them here." He picked up a gold coin and examined it idly while Treekul took it all in. "It doesn't compare to the villa I once had on Pflaume II, but I decorated the place myself, so I suppose it's a bit more personal that way."

"Where did you get all this money?" Treekul asked. "Wait, dumb question. You're an alchemist. You transmuted an equal weight of lead, didn't you?"

"Cadmium, actually," Rehval said. "It's a similar technique, but I find the procedure more sentimental."

"Where would you even spend it?" Treekul asked. "Unless you give this stuff to your followers when they do missions off-world?"

He laughed. "You're such a utilitarian, Treekul. No wonder you like to keep your hair so short. It's nothing but dead cells to you, waste material to be disposed of. It probably never occurs to you that you might look ravishing with the right style. Although I have to admit, I do enjoy the contours of your head... Anyway, the coins, the gold, they're all for show. Once I learned to counterfeit my own cash, I realized how pointless finances really are. But it still looks pretty, and it impresses other people. A big wooden chest stuffed with gold coins has a romantic touch, don't you think? A bauble I can show off to demonstrate my power."

Treekul's gaze lingered on the chest for a while, and Rehval moved on to a large bookshelf along the wall.

"Have a look at this," Rehval said. He handed Treekul a book bound in old leather, and the smell of the pages was enough for her to estimate the age of it. As she flipped through the tome, Rehval stepped behind her and craned his head over her shoulder. Then he placed his hands on either side of her waist.

"What is this?" Treekul asked.

"You're the archaeologist," Rehval said. "You tell me. I thought you would be interested to ply your trade a bit."

She shrugged and examined several pages. "Encryption 40... No, this is 41," Treekul said a few minutes later. "This was definitely encoded by an alchemist. I'd say... five hundred years ago."

"A layman from that era would read that text and think it was nothing more than a cookbook," Rehval said. Treekul didn't like how close his lips were to her ear, but there wasn't anything she could do about it.

"It is a cookbook," Treekul said. She studied another page more closely, then checked the table of contents to see if the rest of the book covered any other topics. It did not. "The encryption is authentic. Only a student of the Topaz school could have coded this, but when you decode the recipes you just get... different recipes. But it's all food."

"Yes, I know," Rehval said. He gestured to the table somewhat haughtily. "I used it to prepare our dinner."

"Where did you get this?" Treekul asked.

"One of my flock retrieved it for me," Rehval said. "I sent him to the Percel Nebula as a trial of courage. I keep it here with my other collections."

"What's so important about a cookbook, boss?" Treekul asked. "Unless there's another layer of encryption to this, it barely qualifies as an antique."

"You miss the point," he said. "The book itself is nearly worthless. What matters is that I sent a man to find it for me, and he braved many dangers to come back with it. I suspected he wasn't entirely devoted to my cause, but once he handed this to me, I knew that no traitor would go to such lengths for me. From that moment on, I knew that he belonged to me, body and soul."

Treekul bit her lower lip at the sound of this. Then Rehval released her, and headed for the table.

"By the way, I examined your potion," he said. "The formulation was nearly flawless. You have a real talent for alchemy, Treekul. Next time I'll have to assign you a formula that's actually useful. But for now, it'll make a fine addition to my collection."

It was then that she noticed the vial on the shelf where the book had come from. It looked exactly the same as the one she had given to him six hours ago, though it was impossible for her to be absolutely sure.

"Oh, I thought you might want to know that I've assigned a different acolyte to see to your personal needs," Rehval said. "I had to send Mero to the front lines, and he was just killed on Zenj I this morning, so I'm afraid he won't be coming back."

She lowered her head and tightened her grip on the book. With her back turned, she was grateful that Rehval couldn't see the look on her face. He was using her, just as surely as he was using everyone else in this mad cult of his. She could play along and try to win his trust, but she would only be sinking herself deeper and deeper into his game. Did he know that she was trying to use Mero for her escape plan, or would he have sent Mero to die in any event?

No, the real question she needed to ask herself was whether any of it mattered at all. Rehval didn't seem to care what she did or how well she did it. He just wanted her here, like some housepet, or the coins he wouldn't spend, or the book he didn't need, or the potions that served no purpose. She had flattered herself by thinking she could resist him, but in reality there was nothing for her to resist. She was like a rodent in a maze. Even if she died trying to oppose him, he would just shrug his shoulders and find someone else to toy with.

That was why he left that tag on her dress. He wanted her to find it, to make her think that he had made a mistake, that there was some slight opening in her prison. It was just a game to him.

"Well then, come sit down and let's eat," he said. "I'd like to tell you more about my collection..."

With a sharp breath, Treekul turned to join him. For now, there was nothing else she could do.

NEXT: GUWAR

#dragon ball #fanfiction #super saiyan #lssjluffafic #luffa #zatte #trismegistus #treekul #zenj #nagaoka

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erosjeon · 5 years

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Part 1|?

⇢ In an age where information can save you or kill you; the concept of wrong place at the wrong time is a funny one. What do you do when you’re accused of stealing the hard-drive that holds restricted information belonging to the government? Particularly when they send a lethal robot to take you down?

Pairing⍮ Jeon Jungkook x reader, Kim Namjoon x reader Genre⍮ robot!au, angst, slow-burn and eventual smut (no specific warnings in this chapter) Word-count⍮ 4.6k

A/N: This fic couldn’t have dropped at any other time just as fitting to celebrate the belated birthdays of my loves Jungkook and Namjoon who also happen to be the main two characters. It’s also my birthday hehe! I had not actually planned to drop this now as a celebration at all since I had written it almost a year ago and had edited and gone back a thousand time. I think its safe for me to say that I had not worked any harder on any other fic on this blog so I hope it receives some love 💜

He took slow careful steps down the familiar stairs confined by white sterile walls leading down to his private laboratory. Tonight marks his fifth year anniversary in that building that filled with tranquillity that was anything but pleasant.

A sigh escaped his lips as he lifted the laminated silver card that hung around his neck to grant him entrance to the lab before he moved his hand to the switch by the door to turn on the lights. His fingers tugged at the plastic material and lifted it off his chest and into some place on the counter.

Kim Namjoon – robotics and autonomous systems specialist. 25.

At first glance, the place appears abandoned. There were barely any white coats other than his floating in choreographed concentration along the benches, as was usually the case. The smell of the setting agar and the faint humming sound of running machinery – as well as the lack of dust quickly dismissed any ideas. The modernity of the laboratory is showcased by the giant steel frames surrounding soundproof glass that welcome a view of the city where the light further brightens the dull lab, contrasting the black metallic roof above and floor below.

Everything was the way he left it the night before, it has been a routine for him now after having completed the project of a life time and for someone so young – it was achieved way too early. He had fallen into a slump, he knew he would never be able to re-create what he had any better. He will never feel the same way he did the first time – the time when he laid his eyes on the smooth sun-kissed coloured skin that capsuled anything but natural. The devices he had the honour of being able to craft and create were the easy part of his job, a task that he was able to do by the end of the third semester years ago while he was still learning at college. It was the half nature of his creation that posed potential for the project to fail as nature screamed at the fusion of what should not.

He ran a hand through his hair as he paced to the pile of paper on the end of his desk where his leather chair waited awkwardly, looking through the notes that he compiled through the years that now serve as a reminding memory as if their content were not engraved in every one of his brain cells. He let out a bitter laugh as he looked at the not so innocent words in the initial research and proposal that gave life to what he had made today.

14th of October, 2015.

Robots.

A concept that has been anciently configured. The fascination with ‘artificial beings’ has been around for thousands of years, evolving recently with the onset of the Industrial Revolution in order to create complex machines powered by electricity with the sole purpose of conducting their allocated tasks - reducing the need for human assistance.

Human reliance on artificial intelligence has increased drastically over the years – first beginning in factories using simple fixed machines programmed to do a single action, over and over again repeatedly. The use of machine for different number of tasks followed right after, extending to the creation of human-sized robots with the capacity for near-human thoughts and movement and so has their purpose.

How to make robots softer or more compliant… less like rigid machines? How can we combine human and artificial intelligence?

Biohybrid robots

Robotics with tissue engineering. They serve as a promising candidate for improved research investigation by providing biological dynamic system template through biological design. The concept of dual nature seems to have chance of success as although previous studies have shown that using skeletal muscle tissue on metal tend to shrink through the course of the tissue culture, it was not the case when an antagonistic pair were grown.

22nd of April, 2017.

Repurposing project to military (I don’t know how to feel about this, but Seokjin says I can’t do anything about it).

Military Robots

The need for reducing human casualty in war has become increasingly apparent by the public outcry and the great downfall in the number of men enlisting into the army over the years. The world is evolving at such a rapid pace which forced the need for rapid adjustment to be almost compulsive, maybe that is what has allowed technological advances in the robot industry and invention to highlight the possibility of using robots in warfare which has been once regarded a topic of science fiction. The use of automated weapon systems is now considered the future of modern warfare and has become largely invested in for research and development by many countries.

Another sigh escapes his lips as he piles the scattered papers into their usual folder and away into the second drawer that he’ll open once again this time, next year. Leaning back in his leather seat and dropping his head back, he realised how much of a mess the place was. It was as if the storm outside had moved beyond the walls and into his rather suffocating workplace but he didn’t have time to think about cleaning up when far more important matters were to be done first.

His mind wandered to the stranded bot on the other side of the building who needed to have his microbiology screen completed today. There was an undeniable thrill in the routine tests he was in charge of, he looked forward to every instance where he finds himself a few feet away from his cell, not that anyone can blame him. He has never had actual contact with the robot – no one has before. He was programmed to comply with his assigned schedules, he knew when and where he had to stretch his arm across the metal barrier to sit it on top of a glass plate where they are strapped automatically to lock him in place for specimen collection.

He wished he had more authority when it came to the fate of him – he didn’t wish to have him locked away for all this time with minimal socialisation, all of which he knew were to be of consequence one day, inevitably.

The walk to the confinement was as any usual – the corridors dark and quiet. Not many people opt for night shifts in the field of his speciality for many reasons, some that undeniably reside in the depths of his mind every single day. This job is by no meant not your typical, there was risk in every move you make – especially when the guards are a bit too tired and a bit too unobservant in the late hours of the night. The secrecy of the projects withheld within confinement were much too important than human lives, the consequence of any fault is to be faced.

Two metal doors opened swiftly as he scanned his card by the projecting blue light. His anxiety swam to the surface as he dwelled on the chances of something going wrong. He knew he had to conquer his fears before coming face to face with the bot he gave life to. He knows just how capable he can use that against him - how he can use anything to manipulate him.

He felt ashamed to admit that despite having built him piece by piece, he almost knows absolutely nothing about what goes in his computer mind. The second nature of Jungkook granted him that liability, the little ability and free will to conceal himself as he wishes from anybody without being coded onto one of these computer screens. Thinking about it now makes the uneasy feeling more difficult to go. There’s endless possibilities of things going wrong, the main concern being the possibility that Jungkook lets loose and decides to use his strength against the metal baring his own nature against his maker.

When the sound of the buzzer resonated in Namjoon’s ears to remind him of the job to be done, an unexpected guard emerges from the side door, he stops his footing a few inches away and inspects Namjoon fully despite the authorisation he received at the gate.

“What? No more naps on the job, Mr. Min?” Namjoon snickers, before giving his old friend a warm embrace, “I didn’t know you were back from suspension, what happened to you anyway?”

“Piss off Kim, one of you has either been a snake or that stupid janitor has ratted me out and told them what happe- anyway it’s nothing, I’m back. There.”

“What? What happened?”

“I said, it’s nothing”

“Look Yoongi, if this concerns your job which requires you to be alert for a reason then it is something, for god’s sake what happened? Is this concerning the bot?”

Yoongi sighs before he contemplates saying anything, If the higher ups know then Namjoon also has a right to know, “He attacked him, Namjoon.”

Namjoon’s whole world seemed to have paused when he processed the three words, he’s attacked someone. Jungkook, he’s attacked somebody and…. “What did he do?” Namjoon blurts, he needs to find out more. Why would Jungkook do anything like this unstimulated?

“Well he twisted his wrist till all his bones cracked broken-”

“No, I didn’t mean the bot. What did the Janitor do, did he say anything? Do anything”

“What?” Yoongi asks confused, “I don’t know? Maybe? I heard him speak but you can’t hear much out here. I promise it’s not because I was asleep, I was actually awake the whole day that day.”

“He must’ve said something to push him into violence. What’s the janitor’s name? details?”

“Woah, woah! Look I’m just a guard, man. Take your investigation somewhere else, go ask Seokjin or something.”

“Seokjin knows?” Namjoon feels betrayed, Seokjin out of everyone who was meant to support him unconditionally. His supposed best friend. At least he knows where his royalties lie.

“Of course, he was the first respondent. Was walking in the hallway when it happened actually. Great timing”

“And what did Seokjin do?” he looks down at Yoongi with a blank look, he knows that this was no coincidence. Seokjin’s job position has never required him to be on field, since when was he authorised to enter confinement? None of it made sense.

“I don’t know, I guess he talked both of them down or something. All I know is he was here, took the dude out afterwards for medical attention and they were both gone. Bot was still inside. So, as I said, Seokjin is your guy here I won’t be much help.”

“I see. If you remember anything you know who to look for” Namjoon leaves before completing his sentence to enter the sterile room to find the instruments.

He throws a blunt needle, alcohol wipes, fluid container and gloves on a tray after sterilising his hands. All the routine now familiar to him. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something is wrong, something is happening and he knows none of it. Jungkook has been in contact with a human for the first time in his existence, and he just attacks.

Letting the air trapped in his lungs out in a sigh, he puts on the gloves before making it to the double doors leading to the cell. Another buzzer sounded, this time no guard was present. He needed to know when this incident happened, he needed to know more. It was his responsibility if anything else goes terribly wrong, even though he was taken off the assignment.

Jungkook’s arm was already present by the time Namjoon walks to the edge of the cell. A small rectangular glass above allows him to have eye contact with the bot as he wiped his injection site clean, he knew he had to be calm and collected, as if he had no idea what he’d done. Grabbing the needle, he connected the end with the container before injecting it into a vein and drawing out blood.

Thirium

Blue blood as they call it, it’s the fluid that powers the androids biocomponents, it circulates to provide energy and electrical information as our nerves do. It is an extraordinary finding which has allowed hybrids to exist now as they do. But unlike human blood, it evaporates after a few hours and becomes invisible to the naked eye when it comes into contact with oxygen. Perfect for an erasable terror in war where there won’t be any remains to tell the story if the bot’s purpose fulfilment fails.

He knows he shouldn’t instigate a conversation, there were cameras everywhere. If seokjin hasn’t told him anything about the incident then there is a high likelihood it was only meant for a select few to know about it. They had even suspended Yoongi and he doubts that it was because his inability to do his job properly, this ‘incident’ had been done on purpose. Maybe a test? But he had to say something.

“How are you feeling?” he finds himself asking.

But there was no response. Jungkook was looking straight at him and the answer was clear. He wasn’t feeling anything, his eyes completely vacant. What had they done?

“You know, I’ve been meaning to apologise. I know how uncomfortable it feels to have blood drawn… and here you are getting it done weekly. I wish there was a different way to get your routine tests done. This one is going to be sent for microbial examination.”

Namjoon carefully removes the container from the needle, placing it onto the tray before taking his gloves off. He was not really expecting an answer, he was probably reprogrammed to be silent.

“I am sorry for what’s happened to you” he whispers. Not fully sure Jungkook would understand what he’s referring to. He just has a feeling that he hadn’t just randomly lashed out. He has never done that to him.

“You should not be apologising for getting your job done, sir” he hears the bot’s voice from the other side of the door, the dull eyes he was staring into turning rather soft before his hand was withdrawn and the flap closed shut followed by the sound of automated machinery.

Had he just gotten his un-programmed first sentence?

Has Jungkook spoken like that before? There was so much to find out.

As Namjoon made his way back to his private laboratory, he realised how wrong he was regarding his human capabilities. He might have created him but he knew absolutely nothing about the human side of Jungkook for he still has living tissue within him. His mind wandered to a specific conversation he had with Seokjin months ago.

7th of July, 2018.

“He is ready.” Seokjin speaks before he moves the pipette above a beaker, watching the mixture slowly swirl into hues of pink as he releases the chemical fluid. “He’s trained for a long time, he’s more than ready now. We have kept him thirsty for way too long.”

Namjoon sighs before turning away from the laboratory’s senior - his senior.

“Ready to murder every single human on this earth!” he releases a suppressed breath, “He hasn’t even had a single contact with a human before! With zero social skills, we’d be releasing a fucking killing machine!”

“That’s what he’s designed for, remember? We don’t need him for anything else” the senior replies before taking steps towards his subordinate, “Besides, all we have to do to control him is to log on one of these damn computers. He’s already loaded with all the chips required, everyone who we want safe will be safe.”

“We were told he’d only be used in war, we didn’t sign up for this - all of this risk, millions of dollars for a single girl! They could easily have hired someone to do their dirty work.”

Namjoon looks down at the stained bench as his senior joins him.

“He might have cost us millions but I’m sure you can imagine how much more we’d lose if what we know goes out to the rest of the world. This one is out of your hands, I’m afraid”, he patted his shoulder before making eye contact “you seem to be getting too soft for this field of work, Dr. Kim. They wouldn’t be too impressed knowing that, especially not when you’re the creator of something so lethal.”

“You didn’t even witness anything that went down, I’d like to see you act all brave when he’s standing inches away from your face with the intent to kill – for being isolated all these years!”

He had thought so lowly of the bot he’s made from seeing him tackle bodies of plastic and various other instruments as part of his training. Although it is better to be safe rather than sorry he can’t bring himself to think that Jungkook would project his training on someone innocent, why would he harm someone he was not programmed to harm as Seokjin had promised.

Jungkook was to be released next week for his mission, he had received this information on the bulletin the next morning. Namjoon had no regard to time at this point, the night blended into day while he looked through any file he can access on the system, he knew he had to be careful with his investigation to avoid arousing suspicion. He was not stupid after all.

He vaguely remembers the mission Jungkook was set to complete, he had thought it was originally due to fatigue but now that he thinks back, Seokjin had not told him much – and after being removed from the bot’s case, he knows nothing at all. The last training he personally conducted with Jungkook haunted him.

28th of August, 2018.

“Let me run it one more time.”

“It’s your third time already, he’s got it alright. He’s a machine!” Jin sneers as he fondles with the biohybrid’s file.

“Part machine.” Namjoon throws him a look before turning to meet his creation. “State your mission, again”, he orders.

“Eliminate target Y/N L/N”, a monotone voice responds back.

“And?”

“For fucks sake!” A familiar pestering voice behind him speaks again.

“I’m trying to follow the damn safe-conduct instructions here! If you can’t stand it then please, you may leave.”

Namjoon tries to collect his focus onto the robot sat in front of him, hoping that his supervisor won’t run his mouth again for all this is crucial in understanding even the slightest about the way his robot interacts with humans.

He had personally kept an eye on him through his training the past few months since his awakening, gawking from the camera lenses at the way he moves, the way he eats and drink, the way he speaks and conducts human like activities in isolation as after all – the bot was given a schedule to follow for the purpose of serving the scientists knowledge regarding his nature since personal interaction with him was not a viable option.

He was able to witness how he progressively began to speak less like a robot, his voice slowly losing that flat monotone only to flourish into a soft and almost musical one, how he became better at feigning freedom of expression as he recites what was stealthily stored into his system. He learned that just like humans, the robot required to eat and excrete, he’d observed that it had been awkward for him to do at the beginning; he would have been fooled to think of him as a child if it was not for his built body - and the lifelessness that lays between his irises. There was only one issue, he never had the chance to study his interaction with others and he has absolutely no idea what his human side is like, nothing regarding his though process and how much conflict that would bring to prosecuting his commands, there is only one way to truly find that out.

“Alright.” He palmed his face as it crunches in knowing soon regret, this is a terrible idea but what other choice does he have “What’s your name?”

“Jeon Jungkook.”

He had to find out more about Y/N too. He had one week to do all of this, one week to find something solid and halt the mission till he found more time to investigate into Seokjin, and the incident.

It was that time of the year again, the transition of autumn into winter is not one to be easily recognised when the flakes of snow have started falling ever since early September, just like the way the days have slowly converged into nothing but a stack of passing hours interrupted briefly by doses of sleep. There is no distinct moment where the frost has started chipping away at your skin, you think to yourself.

If you had to describe yourself, you could confidently tell the next person how painstakingly slow-paced your life was. You were nothing but an uneventful person, with an uneventful life. Everything had a schedule, your days began with a morning cup of coffee from your old (almost broken) machine that needed replacement, at 7 in the morning. You’d have not long enough before having to leave the house and attending the unnecessary meeting at your current job at POC where you worked as a reporter. This would typically be when your manager tells your team off for not working your butts hard enough to catch a break. On most days, there would be no one with good news worthy to report after the meeting, which is why Ollie, your manager, ensures the meeting comes first.

You’d spend the rest of your day in your cubicle by Park Jimin, he was your co-worker, and also your close friend. Jimin would usually be one of the few people with a story on the waiting list when the team had not caught anything worthy enough for news and you can’t help but be envious of that sometimes albeit his very hard work. You want to be like him one day, you think.

Work would usually end around 6pm, this is when your forehead is against the table and your eyes are closed shut. You were exhausted, because even though you leave the office at 6, your work never really ends. As soon as you stepped foot out of the intimidating building, you were basically out on field. You try not to get yourself too obsessed with catching a lucky break but you can’t help but feel desperate sometimes. Nevertheless, you usually would grab a takeaway and head home. On a good day, you would be having a barbecue dinner with Jimin and a bunch of other colleagues of yours. Today was not one of those days. It’s also not one of those days where you are enthusiastic to find a celebrity on a date with another to report on.

The way back home was pleasant. You had opted to cook food at home rather than a takeaway to give your body a bit of a break since you remember the groceries you’ve brought home the day prior. You were already thinking of what to make when you locked your apartment door shut, a carbonara sounded absolutely delicious, especially with fresh mushrooms. You left your bag on the sofa by the door where your makeshift living room is. Truth is, you still have not finished renovating your apartment despite having moved here 6 months ago. You were too busy worrying about newspapers to even think about buying a decent coffee table that could be in the centre of the room.

You were letting out a sigh and pulling at the camera that hung around your neck when a figure had moved within the darkness of your flat. You don’t remember inviting anybody over… your nerves shook as you thought of the possibilities anyone you know is inside with you right now. Did you just walk into a robbery of your own home?

“Hello?” you shout out, not knowing where the figure had moved to. You had to think of something.

You managed to grab the tennis racket from the box of all-random-things in attempt to defend yourself, thanking the disorganised part of yourself for having everything sit in the box knowing it’d come handy one day. If this is how you’re going to die then the least you can do is defend yourself. How pathetic would it be to get killed in a robbery? You could just walk right out but how would you know the person won’t chase after you like a dog.

“I know you’re in there, come out!” you tried to sound strong, knowing full well that you’d shit your pants if whoever it is inside shows themselves. Did they have a weapon?

“Hello?” your hands are now shaking, you decided it’s wise to call the police and have them deal with it. The stillness of your apartment did nothing but install more anxiety and fear in the pit of your stomach.

You were walking to where you had left your bag to reach for your phone when the sound of movement and hurtle had caused you to hurry your movements. Someone was behind you. You could feel the heat emit out of their body and into yours, they were close when the phone was in your hand and all you had to do was dial the emergency but you were too late. You gulped - this is your end.

“Drop the phone.” you hear the man behind you say, the sentence resonating in your head as you had thought of what could happen if you just tapped the green button. You decided that nothing could be worse than what you are possibly about to experience when you hit dial and the phone rang but before you could even comprehend you were forcefully turned and pushed against the wall, causing you to meet your offender eye to eye.

You couldn’t stop the gasp that escaped your mouth when his fingers wrapped around your neck and started squeezing.

You had imagined the worse when you thought of who would take away your life if you had to leave earth that way. You were expecting perhaps… someone filled with hatred, covered with scars that had driven them to commit such an act against you, or maybe just someone plain crazy and evil. But the person who stood in front of you was anything but. He was young, beautiful even. You couldn’t stop yourself from admiring the long brown locks that separated at the centre of his head at the top, the soft doe-like eyes that were filled with emptiness and his soft pink lips. Why would someone like that - so innocent looking, a stranger, want to harm you? What had you possibly done to deserve being choked to death?

Your vision was giving away when you finally brought your hand to claw at his skin, your voice not strong enough to make out any word when the panic had finally set in, you were vibrating in sheer panic when you felt the air refuse to leave your lungs and your eyes started filling with tears, “Please, stop!” you wanted to cry out but to no avail when your vision started fading to black.

#bts fanfiction #jungkook fanfiction #bts x reader #jungkook x reader #namjoon fanfiction #namjoon x reader #bts robot au #bts fluff #bts angst #bts fanfic #robot au #robot jungkook #bts #slow burn #crystal steel #unedited #also forgot to say some stuff are inspired by detroit become human

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margoshansons · 5 years

Text

Wait for Me: b. blake

Bellamy Blake x Reader

Summary: Y/N finds out about Raven and Abby’s plan to head to the ground. She decides to tag along.

Warnings: Swearing

Notes: set during 1x02 “Earth Skills” and 1x04 “Murphy’s Law”

She had been tracking Raven’s recent schedule since the mechanic had called out Abby Griffin for lying to them about the lock-up quarantine. Y/N already knew that the 100 had been sent to Earth, Octavia had been one of them.

So when Raven disappeared into a long-forgotten wing of Mecha, naturally she followed, listening on the conversation that ensued.

“I believe you,” Abby’s voice rang through the abandoned section, calming whatever fears Raven had voiced. “And you’re not in trouble.”

Y/N creased her eyebrows at the sound of that. What would she be in trouble for? Had they found out about her illegal spacewalk? Finn’s sacrifice? She was so wrapped up in her thoughts she missed the next few lines of conversation until Abby’s voice turned grim.

“The Ark is dying Raven, life support is on its last legs.”

Y/N swallowed her nerves, breathing growing shallow. She thought she could feel the oxygen deprivation working its way through her body.

“I have ten days to prove Earth is survivable or else they’ll start reducing the population. Three-hundred-and-twenty people will be killed.”

Silence coated the room as she crept forward, not believing what she was hearing. Three hundred people killed. Innocents. Her people. Raven’s people. His people.

She had to do something. She had to warn him somehow.

“I don’t get it” She heard Raven protest. “Why are you telling me this?”

There was a pause as the swirling sound of cloth falling to the ground echoed through the sector hallways. Y/N forced herself to creep around the corner, her gaze falling on a hunk of junk in the corner, the escape pod barely functional and falling apart at the seams.

Abby faced the mechanic, “You have nine days to get this ready so I can survive a drop.”

Raven scanned the pod, fully aware of the insanity unraveling before her.

“You want me to get a one hundred and thirty-year-old escape pod ready to survive a drop in nine days?” The mechanic asked drawing an eyebrow upward in skepticism as she truly began to comprehend the desperation of the situation.

“Can you do it?” Abby asked.

Raven nodded, “But I’m coming with you.”

“So am I” Y/N piped up from behind her corner, catching both women by surprise. “I know about Earth Dr. Griffin.” She announced, trying to defend her logic. She sent a hopeful look toward the pod, her last hope to see the man she loved on the ground.

“No” Abby protested, “Absolutely not.”

Y/N scoffed. “How do you expect to get parts? Trading with Nygel?” She knew her answer was right when she saw the Doctor’s face fall. “I’m the only engineer with access to the machine shop after hours, which means I can get all the parts you need, free of deals with the devil.”

Abby shook her head, “Why do you even want to do this?”

She straightened her back, crossing her arms as a familiar head of curls and freckles popped into her head. “You’re not the only ones with people you love on the ground.”

“She’s right Abby” Raven defended, “Without her, we have no safe way to trade parts.”

She shot a grateful look at the mechanic before turning back to Abby, who reluctantly agreed to let her join the mission.

She smiled at the thought of seeing him again.

Finally, Bellamy Blake would hold her in his arms again.

***

Three more days, she counted. That’s how long she had to wait to see Bellamy again. Three more days and she would be free of this hunk of metal and hurtling back toward the ground, ready to jump into his embrace once again. She could almost taste his lips on hers.

The door slid open, and Abby had presented them with a death sentence.

“How soon can you two get this thing ready to launch?”

Raven wrenched another bolt back into place, “Still scraping up parts for a pressure regulator.” The mechanic threw a pointed look Y/N’s way, who drew herself out of the inside of the pod to defend herself.

“I’m on it.” She assured the doctor, “Wick’s just being an ass.”

“Yeah well, when isn’t he?” Raven retorted before turning back to Abby, “Why? What’s changed?”

“Clarke’s wristband went out,” Abby told them, the sound of metal against metal ceasing at the news, Y/N poking her head out to catch the dire expression on her face. If Clarke took hers off... “Doesn’t matter,” Abby told them, “I can get that part, today.”

“Abby wait--”

The woman disregarded Y/N’s protests as she stormed out of the station, leaving the two mechanics alone to stare at each other.

The next few minutes passed by agonizingly slowly and Y/N found herself trying to recall the last time she had seen Bellamy. It had been right before the dropship launched, the conversation playing over in her head.

Bellamy stormed into her apartment, wrapping himself in her arms as he dug his head into the crook of her shoulder. “I have to do something awful, and I don’t know if I can do it.”

“So don’t”

“But if I don’t, I won’t be able to protect Octavia.” He squeezed her tighter, and Y/N ran the choices in her head. She hadn’t been able to save her mother, and she hadn’t been able to stop the guard from taking Octavia. But maybe she could help Bellamy save his sister.

“Do it.” She urged him, pulling back, unaware of how badly things would turn out, “If it can save Octavia, then do it.”

He nodded, bringing her closer to his body as he pressed a kiss into her hair. “I love you.” He had whispered, and she had been so blissfully unaware of how much that meant at the time.

“I love you too.” She snuggled closer to him, the two standing there for several minutes, neither one of them wanting to let go.

When Abby came back, the magical part was there in her hands.

“How did you--”

“Doesn’t matter” Abby cut of Y/N as she turned to Raven, “How fast can you install this?”

Raven shrugged, “A few hours maybe.”

Abby grit her teeth, a fearful expression crossing her face. “We may not have that kind of time.”

Y/N stepped forward, more determined than ever to launch. “We’ll get it installed Abby, I promise.”

The doctor nodded and the two women got to work, time passing by quicker than they expected. The ping of her tablet pulled the two women out of their work, Jackson’s frantic voice informing them of their circumstances.

“Abby, did you take morphine from the clinic?”

Dr. Griffin’s eyes widened in confusion, “They inventoried already?”

Jackson shook his head, “No, Kane was just here,” The three women stared at each other, apprehensive looks built into their faces at the news, “He’s on his way to arrest all three of you right now.”

Raven and Abby couldn’t stop staring at the air, and realization finally passed over Y/N’s face.

How Abby had gotten the pressure regulator so quickly.

“You gave Nygel morphine.” She announced, an angry look crawling across Abby’s face.

“She turned me in,” Abby shut off the tablet, her knuckles growing white as she gripped the broken dashboard before turning to Raven, “How much longer?”

“Twenty minutes.”

Abby slammed her hand against the metal, pushing away to go meet Kane, “They’re gonna be here in five.” She turned toward the both of them, “No matter what happens you launch that pod you hear me? You get the ground, find Clarke and radio back. Three hundred innocent people will die if you don’t.”

Y/N nodded, finally understanding the brevity of the situation. This wasn’t just about Clarke anymore. This wasn't about Finn or Bellamy anymore. This was about saving three hundred innocent people.

“Abby, they’ll float you,” Raven spoke softly, head shaking in fear.

The doctor stared off into space, resigning herself to her fate, “Then they float me, tell Clarke I love her.”

The two women nodded and went back to work, cutting their time in half as Ravne barked orders while she worked on the pressure regulator, ready to launch at any moment. The part squealed and steamed and Raven muttered a desperate plea, “Come on, Come on,” The part only quieted when she turned the dial backward, hitting her hand against the leather seats, “Dammit!”

Y/N stared hopelessly at the broken pressure regulator, gritting her teeth, “She gave us a bad part.” She spoke as anger laced her voice, meeting Raven’s gaze, searching for another solution.

They latched their eyes onto the two spacesuits Abby had procured for them. Before either of them knew what was happening, they settled into the worn seats, pressing several buttons as the two overlapped hands to push the ignition forward, sending the pod hurtling toward Earth.

I’ve had this plot bunny running around in my head for a while now, so maybe there will be a part two. Who knows?

Please like, reblog, and comment!

#bellamy blake x reader #bellamy blake imagine #bellamy blake imagines #reader x bellamy blake #bellamy blake #bellamy x reader #reader x bellamy #the 100 imagine #the 100 imagines #the 100 fic #bellamy blake fic

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