#my mom said that if i really cant get a job i can sign up for disability for anxiety. she says there's other options for me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 month

Note

tw- family problems, parental issues,fighting, relationship problems (i think)

seeking- advice, vent

(sorry for any typos) also, can this be tagged as flower anon tyy:)

my whole life my dad has treated my mom terribly i didn’t realize it wasnt normal when i was little, as i’ve gotten older i’ve been realizing how terrible he treats everyone around him especially my mom. my eyes have recently been opening to his true character and i wont go into detail but i feel so guilty that im resenting him cause he can be so nice sometimes but even that is following by something negative. but i dont wanna make this about that cause its about how he treats my mom.

when i was younger they would fight all the time and even still hes always the one to start it. all he does is complain about everything yet does nothing about whatever it is he’s complaining about. he has my mom do his laundry, make his dinner, fold his clothes, make his bed, all of it. by the way my mom has her own job which shes in a lot of pain at the end of the day cause of it and she has to come home to his bs. if she doesnt have his dinner done he freaks out and guilt trips by saying how hes gonna go to bed without eating, when they eat out almost every night so he can easily order food himself or go pick it up. even if he wants her to make home-cooked food for dinner if shes at work, literally doing her job he’ll complain about it and make her feel bad.

he makes her pay rent even tho her hours have got cut so she doesnt make as much any more and he can absolutely afford the whole rent himself. he has literally gone to her job and yelled at her before and now she doesnt want to get another job cause she knows hes gonna go to the boss there and tell him what time she can and cant work.

he polices everything she does if she gets a package he pesters her about whats in it, she leaves the house he pesters her about that. just today she was literally at his parents house (something he never does) and got mad at her for being gone??? its unbelievable. this is all only the icing on the cake. i remember one time me and my mom were going to get something to eat and he yelled at her before we left and when we were in the car she said to me “when you marry, marry someone who will let you be yourself” and it just broke my heart:( she deserves so much better and i just dont know how to help. i want to get a job to help her with money but i have severe social anxiety and also no school or work credits to do so but hopefully once i get my GED ill be able to do something with that. but im no sure what to do. i want to help her so bad but i have no idea how. theres so much more to all of this but im not sure how to tw it 100% correctly so i dont want to say too much, but if there’s any advice you have for this situation it would be really appreciated 🥲 thank you so much for your time!

Hi anon,

It's understandable why you feel guilty for resenting your dad even though sometimes he can be sweet or well-mannered. But it's important to honor why you feel resentment and not necessarily let your dad's good behavior make you feel like you can't be upset about how he has behaved in the past. Sometimes people intentionally behave well to minimize the impact of their bad behavior and make others feel like they have no right to complain. But it's also possible that good behavior is a sign of learning from past mistakes, but even still, it's natural and okay to feel complex emotions about that shift.

It sounds like your dad puts full responsibility on your mom, both productive and reproductive labor, to the point that he acts as if he is completely dependent on your mom fulfilling unreasonable expectations. It makes sense why your mom seems to be constantly driven to a breaking point - because she is carrying the entire weight of the relationship, and more.

It sounds like the best thing for your mom is to get away from your dad, but of course it's not simple or easy. I don't know where she is located but she could potentially consider looking into nearby domestic violence shelters as they can offer a safe place to stay while she comes up with a plan to live independently.

If anyone has any other comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#flower anon #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw child abuse #tw domestic violence #mod bun

2 notes · View notes

inqilabi · 2 months

Note

I’m an ex muslim desi woman still living at home with parents pretending to be muslim. I’m 26 and I want to move out. I’m gonna start saving so by the end of the next 2 years i can do it. My job is based in the same city as them so I cant use the work excuse. I had an argument with my mom and sister about it today and they used the usual misogynistic religious/cultural stuff like “it looks wrong for an unmarried woman living alone” etc. mom got suuuuper upset and even cried. But she said if i was married it’d be completely fine or maybe for a job in another city. Do you have any advice how to navigate this? My other sisters are married and moved out. My younger brother plans to move out when hes married within the next year too so i think they kinda depend on me to take care of them which is obviously unfair, especially because im unmarried and dont plan to get married soon.

I am sorry to hear this hun. My advice is to definitely move out and commit to it at any cost. I know all the emotional blackmail is very tough to deal with but take it from me. Even if you stayed back, they will not appreciate it/you. And down the road you will be resentful. And let's say it ends up costing you advancement in your life (dating, job prospects etc etc), family and the world will basically blame you for not having your shit together. Like no one understands if such things hold you back.

That's really what I have learned through all the things that I faced is to be inconsiderate of people's feelings. Because guess what - they will still be crying even if you are the perfect daughter.

In your case, if you don't want to get a new job right now then I suggest you say that your interviewing for jobs. And then you know pretend to take calls etc etc as you would if you were interviewing. Make it believable. And then say that you got a job in this x city. And then move. Get comfortable at faking and lying. I suggest lying solely because it's the path of least resistance. You could obviously just look for apartments, commit to it, and then once you sign the lease say - you're moving out. You've signed the lease. And then deal with the emotional outbursts and fall out from there on. You can live with multiple roommates to make it more affordable so you can do it sooner.

Either that or have a 6-8 month plan. 2 years sounds like it could be too far out for you but only you can judge if you can tolerate living at home for that long. during this time apply for jobs that pay more and are further out. But defs have a goal and commit to it.

It would be useful if you could rely on any one of your siblings for help and support. With the process or even lying. Like for instance my brother was totally okay with me lying to get out etc.

#asks

2 notes · View notes

wozadogtor · 8 months

Text

STORY TIME

So, context, i work in boarding kennels, we look after peoples dogs when theyre on holiday/renovating/etc and such. Couple weeks ago i get this call from a very, very European accented woman who wants to board ten (10!) dogs in our kennels and needs it urgently, however this is a holiday period and i genuinely just cant do that. You know? Talk about it with my boss and theyre like. No. However this lady doesnt let up, shes calling us all god damn week until eventually my boss caves and tells me theyre figuring out a quote that will hopefully scare them off because, ten dogs, thats not gonna be cheap.

I tell them in that call ill call back at 12pm to give them a quote.

TEN MINUTES LATER, I get another call, this time from the local council who are trying to confirm im picking the dogs up at 12pm. And im like, fuck, fuck, this is a council job now, we aren't really in a position to be saying no to the council, need to like, suck up to them bigly if we want some upcoming things approved. You know how it is. Minor thing, the council lady insisted i confirm I wont sell the dogs (red flag) which is weird, but sure. So i quickly call my boss and inform them, we agree "fuck it 100/day 10 per dog" which is about break even for us, i call them back with that quote, arrange to pick the dogs up at 12pm. Now, i was just gonna go down in my car, since she had said they're puppies and I'm thinking, "alright her dogs had a litter and she doesn't know what to do about it, should be easy enough". But the evil spider that lives in my brain tips me off that you need help and backup and explicitly you need to bring a woman because you are so big+scary. So, i call my sister whos more than happy to do this for a 20. She brings her bf, and we go get the dogs.

The address they give us is a public beach. Red flag number 4 or something at this point. But we get there and these dogs are in fact puppies. 4 month old puppies. They're all fairly well grown kelpies (sheepdog). I am THANKING my lucky stars i brought backup, because these dogs are just, running around the place unrestrained on the beach. It takes us a good ten to fifteen minutes to wrangle the little bastards into the car and my help is playing wackamole in the back of my station wagon to keep them from jumping into the front and doing puppy things to my gearbox. The owners are living out a van and just, letting the dogs loose i guess. It's a short drive, easy enough, but we get her to sign the forms and that's that. We have the 9 puppies and their mom now. I told them their cutoff is the 28th of october and they agree. NONE of these dogs are vaccinated btw so we have to do isolation protocols on them.

NEXT DAY, she turns up. Wants to walk her dogs. Off leash, on the road. We pretty bluntly tell her no, and she's like. "but you said i could visit" and it's like. Yeah, i did say you could visit, not fucking kill them on a main road. So, while our backs are turned because as i said, holiday period being busy, there was another client there. She just, walks into the kennels, lets them out. Fucking, chaos. I can't have these UNVACCINATED dogs running around getting close and personal with the other clients dogs, so we shuffle her and the dogs into a little side alley we have and tell her to stay put. She can't really get anywhere from there anyway. We deal with our other clients, come back, and since its feeding time we thought we'd get the puppies back into their pens via food bribe. She wants to do it, and insists on feeding other dogs/doing the dishes. And its like. Lady, do you jump over the counter and make your own sandwich at the cafe. What the fuck ARE you DOING. We sort this out, an understanding of sorts, that she can't just do-that. So she turns up the next day and does it again.

At this point, I'm exasperated. I don't WANT to call the cops because fuck that and + also they'd deport her. So i work out that she can come during closing hours and walk her dogs, on the property, in the carpark/driveway, and i'll close the gate to the property so there's no danger. I also point out the dogs cannot go into the nearby grassy paddocks because it is a) lambing season, there's lambs, puppy dogs stupid and will hurt them or get hurt by the angry mother sheep. b) snake season, its been unseasonably warm and they're out there. Not likely, but if you find one you're down at least one dog. And c) Private property, fuck off. So, she turns up twenty minutes before we close and demands to do it there and then. I make her wait, so i go close the gate up front and let her have her dogs to play, give them a few toys/balls etc. Come back from locking the front gate and they're in the paddock. Fuck my entire life. Thankfully I had forseen this and moved the sheep prior (lol) but snakes are still a concern. It's, fine. It's fine. Nothing happens. But now i have to like, legitimately ban her from the premesis. She whines, but understands that she's fucked up.

Anyway, next few days go smooth. She doesn't come by again. Dogs behave quite well when shes not around even. It's going well. A couple of the skinnier dogs even start gaining weight (red flag). I get another call from the council. This one is more uh, serious. It's just the ranger, not the cops, dog cop if you will, so I know this guy and am fine working with him. But apparently the people who own this dog are in some deep DEEP shit. The lady i've been talking to isn't the owner, but a friend of theirs. And apparently, the actual owner has been caught in Melbourne and is in the process of being deported for visa fraud charges. She has been bouncing between two different council areas for the better part of the year by now with alllll the dogs in tow for the latter part of it, to avoid getting caught. But she was so delinquent* in one of these council areas that she got her ass BANISHED from it, and suddenly she dumped the dogs on her friend and fled. And has just been caught. The council is very interested in where they're taking the dogs when she picks them up. We give them the date and time they're picking them up. They'll be there to offer a hand moving them to the property and gently tell them that if they don't surrender them there will be legal concequences. You know, trying not the fuck these people over with a 10k+ fine.

*breaking rental leases by subletting to 5-6 people (plus 10 dogs) in studio apartments zoned for 1-2 people. 10 or so times. Some of them informal charity agreements where she told them they were facing homlessness (more on this later) and needed somewhere to stay and please help etc etc.

Day of pickup comes, we've been doing some private digging ourselves. They've been going around on facebook community groups begging for a place to stay with their ten dogs. Surprising i know. Someones agreed to do it on their suburban lot, which, super illegal to have that many dogs on a property like that. Rangers are aware. So they get here, and aren't going straight to the property, they're going to the vet first. To get microchipped, not vaccinated. The rangers ask the obvious question, why no vax. Quote; "they're healthy dogs they don't need it". Rangers raise an eyebrow at this but go along with it assuming the vet will just vaccinate them anyway given how obvious it is they're being surrendered. They come into our office to pay the bill, happily do so, very thankful we took them in, etc. Pay on one of those platinum cards they only give incredibly rich people. Hello. What the fuck. Why do you have one of THOSE. Turns out, French nationals who have very rich parents and basically have no concept of repsonsibility or concequences. They want to keep the dogs because they think they can sell them to a farm for big bucks. They can't, these are untrained and they have no papers, basically any sheep station will laugh at them if they try.

So, after this, it's officially not our problem. But my boss is nosy and wants to be kept in the loop. We find out from the rangers that the vet visit didn't exactly go as planned. As the vet, believing their story about being nearly homeless and needing help soso bad, tells them quote; "If the council could sieze the dogs they already would have, you're safe". You. Fucking. Moron. So armed with this knowledge they go back to this suburban residential property, the rangers tail them an hour or two later and report them for having ten dogs on a property. Which, duh! Like, you can't do that. We can, but we live on a 4 acre lot. This is a tiny little surfies shack in a residential neighborhood. The owner of the property who very generously helped them out with their situation was the one that copped the 10k fine. The French nationals surrendered the dogs and have since vanished. The dogs have been vaccinated, desexed, etc. And as of writing half have been rehomed. Very in demand, kelpie puppies.

The end. The moral of the story is never work in this industry.

#Kennel story #woe is lucy

3 notes · View notes

manic-kagura · 2 years

Text

alright so some shit in my life has happened and im just reaching breaking point after breaking point and this post + its possible following reblogs exist to help me vent

general tw, but specific to domestic abuse, narcissistic abuse, and anything that can occur within those two categories (im exhausted i cant think of all the issues that may pop up)

theyll all be under readmores

so for context: my dad has undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder - while it may be undiagnosed by technicality, i consider this to be his state of being because, like narcs do, he refuses to get help, because THAT would mean something is WRONG WITH HIM!

I’m 27 years old - I didn’t get out of that emotionally abusive household until i was 25, and even then I was unable to fully escape it. in late february of 2020 my dad crossed a line that just...lit the lightbulb in my head and i chose to go live with my current boyfriend, who i had known for about a month and been dating for maybe 2 weeks at the time. it’s been 2 years since i left, and after a long time of slowly getting things in my control (finances, my dog, my car, my bank account, etc) i was finally able to start going low contact 10 months ago. unfortnately, this also meant i couldn’t call my mom because he would turn the volume on the tv down so he could hear me talking to her over the phone. i didnt want to risk her safety further, so we just...dont call each other unless shes in the car.

this specific post is not for me to go into details on the bullshit i endured (i may do that elsewhere another time with heavy tw) - this post is specific to a rather recent set of events and how this has, today, crumbled into causing me a downward spiral.

my dad has threatened my mom with divorce A LOT over the past 2 years - it started getting really aggressive when i caught covid and she was asking him to back off because (SURPRISE) his meddling was making my symptoms worse (and i didnt even live with them...controlling ass freak). so anytime she vaguely annoyed him, he’d threaten it. my mom is very very Christian (unfortunately), and from South Africa - the idea of divorce is terrifying to her on so many levels, and no matter how many times ive tried to get her to leave she always had an excuse.

well, one day he made the threat, and she said “bring the papers and i’ll sign them.”

the threats calmed down. I don’t know when they started getting aggressive again, but in May of this year (2022), he finally decided he’d bring them. he told my mom she had time to look for living arrangements, and when she did he’d start finalizing divorce shit. when i learned this i blocked him everywhere i could manage - no phone calls, no texts. saving face has no purpose anymore when theres nothing to salvage.

my mom has been working her ass off for like 4 years - my dad lost his job, and with it any financial stability we may have had (all the Amazon boxes stacked around the house every day would make you think otherwise though). i learned my mom had NO ACCESS to her income. it went to a joint account that she was unable to get into.

well with this actual divorce going on and her job working her to death (like she goes in at 7 am and leaves at 12 am - fuck publix), she has had literally no way of packing shit up to start getting ready to leave. she has not opened a new bank account for her income. she hasnt found a lawyer. despite me telling her id help her with these things, shes declined and ive backed off.

until today.

on a whim i decided to check my old email (a rarity in the past 2+ years honestly). i noticed some emails in there that were sent as a text, from a phone, which was something i had seen before (my dad had done this somehow by accident before in 2019, but it was always in a text chain that included me).

this one did not include me. i dont know how im receivng these. but its a text chain between him and some woman that i do not know - number and name dont ring any bells, she isnt in our family, shes not a friend ive ever heard him speak of.

he was asking her about “tourism visas” for someone coming from the Phillipines.

its not for work. not only does he not even do shit in the line of work in which hed be talking to people in other countries now, but TOURISM VISAS arent for work.

a good friend of mine from high school has a shitty dad too. we laugh at how fucking similar they are. turns out, her dads had shit like this too! fucking mail order brides!!!

i start sending my mom screenshots. im frantically texting her to contact me. she hadnt contacted me in about a week so in a fit of fear i decide to call her, which is something ive done my best not to do, at all, ever.

i asked her “can you talk? are you alone? can we speak in private?” she said she was at home, to call back in 10 minutes. i told her ok, but she needs to check her texts.

we start texting. she says my dad was asking why i called, what it was about, what i was gonna text her about. she said she didnt know (which is only half a lie tbh).

his response was “when you get home tomorrow, we need to finalize things.”

i ripped him apart in my texts. i told her she needs to get her finances together ASAP. no more waiting. he didnt give a singel solitary shit about her or our fucking family, hes trying to fuck her over. hes hurt us enough. i told her i had screenshotted all of the messages, i told her to ask for a small vacation from work to get her shit together and out, i told her to stay with a friend when my boyfriend and i couldnt be with her to pack.

shes finally decided to get a lawyer. she said to keep everything on hand. shes finally seeing the fucking lightbulb.

im hoping in the next week she’ll be having more days off to deal with this shit. my only high points within this situation today were to see her finally turn around and the mere fucking thought that i made my life long abuser shit himself, all because i said “i need to talk to you in private” to my poor fucking mother.

i hope this fucker burns in whatever hells exist. i hope he burns in every single torturous afterlife and his soul never rests. but most of all i hope he realizes he will leave this fucking world cold and alone, just like he raised and left us.

#personal #negative #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw narcissistic parent #vent #add later

1 note · View note

indigo474 · 9 months

Text

New moon vibes- 91423-

I had 2 intense days of meetings. I met with my 3 new reps-each meeting 1 1/2 hours long. With Drew- i had to bring my A game... and i did. Today, i switched it up with the 2 reps we met with. As Drew was talking i took notes and when it was my time to talk i referred back to my notes. He said he noticed I did things different on day 2 and he asked me why. I told him why.. he said he was really impressed with the way i was able to change my approach and it shows him i'm thinking and learning and he had a lot of great things to say.. about me. I never had anyone tell me i was doing a good job or they were proud of me. i never heard anything like that in the 20 plus years i was married. my mom did tell me i as a good mom.. but now.. i get that from work. it feels good to hear i'm doing a good job. my manager told me she was proud of me just this week. i do feel like i am finally getting use to being a supervisor.. finally. I am no the same person i was 9 months ago.

split squats are hell. they suck and i hate them. everything else i am ok with. i ran 2 miles on the treadmill.. it really wasn't hard. my goal is to lift 3 days-run 3 days. I have 1/2 a day tomorrow. I was suppose to go out with Marci but the comedy show was cancelled. im going to look at a house. theres actually another one id like to see. i really need to email my lawyer about my divorce decree.. i never got a copy or signed anything which seems odd to me. i'll probably run. James asked me if i had any dates this weekend.. NO- none. i told him im going to paint my nails and read a book..

i have to do some safety training tomorrow..I'm a zone captain.. thanks but no thanks.. i dont want to be responsible to help people get out of the building.. some of them can barely walk and i cant carry them. i have to stay back and die because they cant move fast enough? if shit goes down its every person for themselves.. they all know where the doors are.

And i have all this good stuff going and yet my mind goes to the time x came home with cigars to celebrate a baby being born.. his baby. .. just cruel. it makes me sad to think about how cruel he was to me. i don't know what i did to deserve to be treated they way he treated me.. and i'll never understand. i know they best revenge is me being happy and thriving .. but i cant help but hope he gets what he deserves.

0 notes

md3artjournal · 2 years

Text

This past week i realized that all my mom's kids have art degrees. Yet, I'm the one thought of as the art major.

My brother once told me my mom got upset, because the relatives they were giving money towards their education, said they wanted to study art. He made it sound like my choice of the studio arts major put a bad taste in her mouth, so she just might stop sending them money if they chose art too.

But if my mom is upset at my financial unsuccess compared to my siblings, it's not because I was an art major. Heck, my sister was a theater major---backstage craft degree. My brother ended up doing nothing with his math degree, spent extra money to attend culinary school, and now he's a cook. ALL HER KIDS HAVE ART DEGREES.

The only difference with me is i had depression. My art degree didn't make me a failure. I'm just too wrought with mental illness to do anything successful. And yes, I've gotten a better, but I'm still too anxious to do anything. I've been too scared to even get any official diagnosis. But i know i think about suicide less, I've certainly had less suicide attempts, and i haven't self harmed in a long time. So do i really need to go get a diagnosis evaluation, that i likely can't afford? I'm making tiny steps of progress on my own.

I really hope i can open an online shop before the year ends. But the idea of any type of money transactions online, makes me so anxious. I cant even buy things online without hyperventilating or shaking. Though i think while recently buying my scanner, i had it down to just really repetitive self talk...though that was after weeks of procrastination and avoidance. That's why i think a "print on demand" service might work best for me. I'm still struggling to order stickers and open an Etsy shop. But if i sign up for Redbubble, they'll handle any scary customers and all the shipping. The big problem being that I'm better at crafting 3d objects than illustration. That's why I've been working to hone my drawing, by at least trying monthly drawing challenges daily. The other problem being that most of my illustrations are fanart, while Redbubble warns i only post original art. But i recently discovered that my witch original characters look nice, so i just have to keep up with this month's Witchtember challenge. And last January's flower sketching challenge gave me 31 good original drawings too. I just have to finally decide on some rebranding...and get some executive function for all the steps in between, towards finally opening a shop!😭😵‍💫

Then there's always the motivation, or rather, pressures of: having already reported a prediction that I'd make a profit this year; plus knowing if i end up needing to return to a non art job, I'll probably end up self destructive and inexplicably thinking about wishing for death again---just like what happened in my last non art job. 😵

0 notes

drshefliesbyherownwings-blog · 2 years

Text

You should write a book.

I wonder how many people hear this. Wow, you should write a book. I hear it from every single person I share about my childhood with. I cringe when they say it. Why would I write a book. My story is interesting but how can you write the book without an ending? How could I tell a story that involves so many people without offending them. What happens when I tell my version and they disagree. What if I was lying to myself and can't anymore once I tell the story?

Denise was the one who gave me the idea. I don't know why an adult would encourage a child to get her own apartment. Shouldn't she have encouraged me to find shelter with family. Maybe I told her they were dead. Who knows. I was always lying to protect whatever story I was going by at the moment. Pretty sure that she had her own kid that she was not doing a great job at providing for and was more so just trying to prove to herself that its better for the kid to be independent anyways. Takes the guilt off her plate for being an inadequate mom if she can prove that a youngin can survive on their own just fine.

She said it never hurts to ask. I was terrified to ask. It seemed like such a huge favor I was asking them for. How dare I ask for something so absurd. Now I know I was asking them if I could do them a favor. The gym managers made a deal with the apartment complex across the street. They get a free apartment with a year lease for every year that the gym lets the rest of the people in that complex use the gym at a discounted rate. It was a fake deal anyways. They just found another ploy to get a bucketful of leads easily. Once the people came in they got the usual speal and told them about this GREAT deal they could get which was something like 25 a month with no fees. Little did the apartment complex or any of the residents know that they would probably have given that deal to anyone if they needed to bump their numbers at that particular moment.

The sales guys all were so prideful. If they could rip off a person or a family for some absurb monthly fee or sign up fee, they were slapped on the back. If they got haggled down by someone who knew better, they lost the battle. They still signed them up because at the end of the day 1 is better than 0 but they hid those deals at the bottom of the pile.

The apartment from what I knew pretty much went unused. The idea was that when the owners came in from Georgia, that they would have a place nearby to stay. In real life, it was an empty apartment that the owners, managers, and trainers would use to bring girl home to after a night of partying on Franklin St. This way they didn't have to inconvenience the girls by asking to go to their place. Any girl, 8 free drinks pumped into her or not, knows that if a guy says you cant go back to his place means he's married or has a girlfriend. It was as if the guys saying they could go back to his place was enough of a check to fill the box that they didn't even question why when they got to the house it was just an empty apartment. They would spend the night with these guys on the carpeted floor of either of the two bedrooms and walk out the next day wondering why they hadn't asked more questions. But who cares, the guys were hot and the drinks were free. Lets be honest, the night was going to end the same way for them one way or another. College girls, same story different town.

The guys would all come to work the next day so proud of their previous nights conquests and exaggerate all the details of the nasty things they did to the women the night before and how obsessed they were with them. All while bragging about how they didn't even remember her name or got her to leave without giving her his number. They thought they were such conquerors, but it was really like shooting fish in a barrel.

I dont remember how the conversation went down or who I asked. Probably Josh Hughey. So slimey. But he was their King. The quintessential perfect bodied hair slicked sales man. As if he was drawn right out of the sales book. He was always going to figure out a way to get something out of you and make you feel like it was your idea and that he was doing you a massive favor. I probably learned more of my psychological manipulation from him than I realize. He was a master. An absolute idiot by any other measure, but a master of the one skill he needed.

They were more than willing to pocket $500 a month at no expense or inconvenience to them. They still had the apartment to use as they pleased and I installed some furniture and served basically as a doorman when the drunk trainers forgot or lost their copy of the key. They all had one. It was their own secret membership.

0 notes

kyukyus-world · 2 years

Text

Red Flag Characters Always Say in Movies

Do you know that sinking feeling of finally putting all the pieces together of an unrealistically tragic picture? Yeah, everyone has that ONE day. Even if you haven’t felt it, surely, your life will not pass without ever experiencing it. And if you ever know someone blessed enough to never have felt this and they’re now resting six feet under the ground, then good for them. They must be so fucking happy to be blessed by all the gods existing (or not, I’m an Atheist) in the universe. They must be taking all their time pitying me right now.

Because I have just finally inserted that one fucking piece of a lifesized puzzle (because what really is the size of a lifesize? Can you ever put measurement to life?) that’s been missing for like, forever.

It’s just funny how when you’re living a fairly happy and peaceful life, you just have to say the red flag phrase and just fucking ruin everything.

“Wow, I’ve never been happier!”

“Everything is going smoothly in my life.”

“Gosh, I’m so fortunate in life.”

So, if you’re feeling comfortable in your current life lately, I’m telling you, never ever ever say what contentment you’re feeling. Or else.

That’s what I just did last week.

You know, my friends are currently having their midlife crisis and are all just opening up with me. While listening to their stories, I just felt I was fortunate enough in life that I’m doing well right now. I have three clients who are paying well, I have a partner and living in an apartment but without a plus one kid, and I’m currently planning to buy my first car.

So I said, “Wow, I should be happy that I’m at least fortunate enough to have all of this.”

But you know, saying those words is just a signal for a disaster in the new season of your life.

And as for me, it’s all the childhood trauma coming back to haunt me.

Why are you not coming in our house?

Are you mad at me?

- Mom

Wow, those words just hit me. As soon as I felt bad for not visiting my mom, it also went away fast–exchanged with a feeling of resentment and realization that yeah, that must be it. I must be angry at her.

So that is the reason why despite having a good paying job, a supportive partner, and wonderful friends I can always count on, I’m still not really happy. I still stay up late, distracting myself or just staring at the ceiling mindlessly until my alarm goes off. That alarm is not for me to wake up. It’s actually a sign that my partner will wake up soon and he hates it when I stay up late.

I will sleep for about two to three hours until my partner goes to work and leave me alone in the apartment. And then I stay awake again, staring at the ceiling and feeling empty. And I don’t know why I’m feeling that way. I don’t have any reason to be sad. I’m healthy, financially capable, and having a peaceful life. But why?

Are you mad at me?

Reading those words made me realize everything.

I am actually not happy and I can never be truly happy.

Everything my mom and my family did when I was young are still engraved deep in my bone. It’s so deep that it’s running in my blood. I can see it. I can smell it. I can hear it. I can taste it. I can feel it. I… still think about it. The trauma.

I just feel so sad and even if I tell this to anyone, they will just think that this too shall pass. They will just give me half-hearted answers to make me feel better.

And everyone is already having a bad time in their life. I don’t want to add more problem to their already problematic life.

But, what if I really need someone right now? What if I need help?

I can’t even work anymore no matter how I love money. I can’t get up and go out, buy some groceries or go to a coffeeshop. I tried dressing up and making myself look pretty but I just noticed how ugly my textured skin and large pores are. I realized my eyebrows looks like two giant caterpillars but I don’t have any skills to fix them. My eyelashes are extra short and no amount of mascara could save them.

Not to mention my eyes are so dull and they cant even see clearly. I mean, of all the eyes, why these????

And don’t even get me started with by body because this will never end.

I searched for ways to feel more energetic and happy but doing so requires effort and energy and so it quickly became an endless cycle.

Are you now asking me to stop talking nonsense and talk about my trauma? Me, an indenial girl who’s been living as a black sheep of her family in her 24 years of life? Not a fat chance.

Or maybe I’ll just write about it next time when I’m more drunk than I am now.

1 note · View note

boldlyvoid · 3 years

Text

Intro and masterlist

✨about me ✨

this is a mature blog, I trust all minors to be responsible and avoid everything marked NSFW!

NSFW sideblog: @pervstash-spencer

Hi! my name is emily, I'm 23 she/they

Capricorn, bisexual, non-binary, autistic, and I have fibromyalgia ✌🏻 overall just a fun time y'know.

ao3

i love: supernatural, star trek, marvel movies, criminal minds, this is us and grey's anatomy !!

Accepting requests for Spencer Reid x Reader fics currently

all my tags are listed below if you want to see other posts about said fics, also here is my Spotify for the fics <3

Dad!spencer Masterlist

First times Masterlist**

all links to my fics below the cut!

Updated: July 28th, 2021

** for smut

~~ for angst

Spencer Reid x Reader fics

Hypothetically**~ Ao3 | Tumblr -- 27 chapters, complete. 89k

reader and Spencer were friends in kindergarten, she watched him grow up and explore the world while she was still trying to catch up to him. now that they work together, they fall in love incredibly fast.

friends to lovers, case of the week style story

touch me**~ Ao3 | Tumblr 5.8k

Spencer is incredibly touch-starved and hard on himself since coming home from prison. Luckily, the medical examiner in this small town is really good at reading people, and exactly what he needs.

amethyst you so much P1 Ao3 | Tumblr 6.4k

Spencer has had a crush on Y/N since she started working at the bau. She only ever works the night shift after a case, handling all the aftermath gracefully. one night, Spencer stays back and they strike up a conversation about rocks, causing their feelings to dig a little deeper.

of quartz i will P2** Ao3 | Tumblr 6K

after 2 years of dating, Spencer decides it's finally time to get Y/N something to match her Amethyst bracelet.

Amoreena**~ Ao3 | Tumblr Completed 83k

Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Seven* Tumblr WIP

Summary: Spencer’s been married to Y/N for 7 years now, they have 7 children together and each one is going through something different. Spencer’s always wanted to be the best dad, now he gets to figure out how to be.

the guy at the rock show Ao3 | Tumblr 5.6K

Y/N lost their parents when they were 17, finding a new home and solace in Penelope Garcia and taking the Garcia name. They're the top forensic specialist in D.C, in a band and they drive a motorcycle... not to mention they are madly in love with the cute doctor who works with their sister.

journey to Camelot** Ao3 | Tumblr 3.8K

When Penelope introduces Spencer to online games, he expects to be spending his nights alone. Yet, somehow every time he comes back from a bad case, he logs on to chat with the ever so lovely user FairlyGwen and getting a lot more than just a helpful tip from her.

Exploration** Ao3 | Tumblr 4.7K

request: season1/2 spencer walking in on reader while she's watching porn in their shared hotel room

Expedition** Tumblr 1.2K

Summary: there's a first time for everything... including joining the mile high club with your boyfriend on the work jet.

10 Days Ao3 | Tumblr 1.4K

it's spencer's first father's day and he's extremely emotional about the little love of his life that he's only just met. he spends the day with his baby, Edwin, and his wife, crying and happy about how wonderful new little lives are.

ain't it fun?** Ao3 | Tumblr Masterlist 11K

reader just needs an NA meeting before they have a meltdown, they end up with the best friend they could ever make.

I'm not kidding!** Tumblr 6K

Spencer keeps getting little notes from a secret admirer, they're nice and sweet at first as they tease him with their crush until she's sending him notes about all the dirty things she wants to do to him

Perfect Timing** Tumblr 1K

spencer and reader have been spending the last month together in the same hotel room during a pretty brutal case. tension has been rising and she's completely in love with him.

what happens when they both think the other won't be back for a while and they want to shower?

Redamancy** Tumblr 5.4K

the co-op librarian at the FBI Academy has been secretly crushing on the smartest agent in the Bureau, TA, Doctor Spencer Reid, and he's been crushing on her too.

Being Neighbourly** Tumblr 1.9K

Request: reader is Spencers neighbour and she can hear him masturbating every night that he's home how do you have her deal with that?

Professional Hair Dresser (Ph.D)** Tumblr 6.4K

summary: after Spencer's knee injury, he starts visiting a salon every week to get his hair washed

36 Questions to Fall in Love Tumblr 8K

Summary: When Derek bets Spencer that he cant make someone fall in love with him in a week, he doesn’t expect Spencer to marry the girl the next day

New Romantics** Tumblr 23k

Summary: She needs help studying for her Case Exercises at the Academy, He needs a date for the annual Banquet... they just so happen to be neighbours who aren't afraid to lend a helping hand, or in this case, a helping kiss.

Million Dollar Man** | Tumblr WIP 5k so far

summary: Spencer's therapist recommended he branch out and meet new people who don't want to talk about his work... she didn't expect him to sign up for a Sugar Daddy website.

Sugar, Honey, Ice Tea** | Y/N version | 1-4, 5-9, Epilogue 25.6k

Summary: Fix-it-fic: Dr. Y/L/N and Savannah Hayes have been best friends since their medical internship at Bethesda General. When she receives a frantic call that Derek's best friend is being transferred to the prison she works at, an unlikely friendship bubbles.

Eventually falling head over heels for the innocent man.

Warnings: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Prison, Prison Violence, Assault, Blood, Depression, Murder, Self-Hatred, Hurt Spencer Reid, Canon-Typical Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Drug Addiction, References to Drugs, Drug Use, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Romantic Tension, Forbidden Love, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Strangers to Lovers, Requited Love, Falling In Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, past abusive relationship, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault

Spencer x Ethan

Ruin it.** Tumblr 5.4K

Summary: Spencer never had sleepovers as a kid, so now that he's an adult he's always sleeping over at Ethan's house, ad he'll take any excuse to crawl into bed beside him.

Warnings: mutual pining, love concessions, blowjobs, handjobs, anal sex (both top and bottom spencer in this), childhood friends to lovers

400 Celebration fics

Reid Me Tumblr 2.5K

Spencer has noticed a beautiful woman at a spirituality booth at the farmers market every Saturday for almost a whole year now. he finally asks her to give him a reading.

mystery of love Tumblr 700

Spencer surprises his wife with a trip to Italy.

Spy Kids Tumblr 900

Spencer and Y/N's kids think that they are secretly spies and request a mission story before bed.

a father's greatest weakness Tumblr 1K

Princess Y/N is betrothed to the Viking king in an effort by her father to keep the peace between their countries, he doesn't expect her to join in the fight to free Scottland.

Luke x Reader

Best Dad Ever 2.8K

Request: angst with a happy ending, reader and luke have been divorced for a few years but have a child, she tries and tries to fall out of love with him but he's around so often that she can't

Spencer x OC

Sugar Honey Ice Tea** Ao3 | WIP 9/10 chapters complete 25.6K

Fix-it-fic: Dr. Beth Pattinson and Savannah Hayes have been best friends since their medical internship at Bethesda General. When she receives a frantic call that Derek's best friend is being transferred to the prison she works at, an unlikely friendship bubbles.

Eventually falling head over heels for the innocent man.

Intro to Criminal Minds: Why They Did It Ao3 | Tumblr WIP 6K+

Spencer is teaching a 7-week seminar on the most interesting criminal cases, explaining their actions to understand why they took place. Only, not everyone in the audience is a student.

Criminal Minds x Mindhunter AU

Spencer x OC Peggy Carr

Franklin x Reader

Voulez-Vouz** | 3.2k

Summary: in a small town, everyone knows each other… or at least they think they do.

Warnings: porn with plot, smut, Dom reader, Sub!Perv!franklin, making out, teasing, face sitting, oral (female and male), hand jobs, overstimulation, prostate message, multiple orgasms, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, let me know if I forgot anything.

Chip x Reader

forever is the sweetest con** | 6.2K

Summary: Reader’s dad is a carpenter; sometimes he takes on apprentices and sometimes, if they’re lucky, they get his daughter’s number at the end of their training. Chip Taylor, however, hits the jackpot when her father invites him over for one of her homecooked meals.

Warnings: reader’s mom passed away, mentions of parental death, strangers to lovers, random acts of kindness, mutual pining, falling in love, steamy make-outs, oral sex (male and female receiving), fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, dirty talk, sub!chip, food mentions, praise, love confessions.

Raymond x Reader

Alone Together ** | 2.4K

Summary: Raymond moves into a haunted house and ends up sleeping with the ghost who lives there... only he doesn't know that when you fuck a ghost you also become one.

Warnings: details of suicide and murder, blowjobs, pegging, bottom!raymond, top!reader, becoming a ghost, major character death.

Star Trek Masterlist

Star Wars fix it fic

Supernatural masterlist

thanks for all the love, as always,

-Emily <3

501 notes · View notes

zuffer-weird-girl · 3 years

Note

Angel has Kai’s baby in their 3rd (last) year of highschool and Kai has no idea since she hid her pregnancy so 2 years later Kai breaks up with angel to focus on his “experiments” when Kai is sent to Tartarus the guards tell him that he has a visitor and there’s angel and his child and Kai starts to tear up

"Eh...?" you could only mutter in disbelief as Kai read some papers with an unbothered expression.

"I know you for about five years (Y/n). I know you dont have any issues with your hearing." He muttered coldly before sighing and placing the papers on the desk.

"You... want to break up...? Why? What did I do?" You asked with trembling lips as he stared at your eyes.

"Is more about on what you can't and won't do." He pressed his fingers on the bridge of his nose before waving it in the air "You know I am the future leader of the hassaikai. And having you near would be only a distraction to my experiments to give this place more credit. You would be like a rock on my path to gain some knowledge."

"You're kidding right?" You almost sobbed "You always told me I was like a safe place for you to go. What the hell happened to that? Or the promises you made for me for us to get married?" He blinked before answering.

"I was foolish. We have a life ahead of us and well, having you being clingy on my back would be a nuisance while working."

The ground could swallow you for all you cared... what the supposed love of your life just said was enough to leave you with eyes red and legs felling like they were trembling.

"Please dont cry. You're dropping them on the ground. And I dont even know if you're clean." You gritted your teeth before breathing in and looking at Kai Chisaki for what you swore for one last time.

"Very well. You want to break up because I'm only a bother to your path to greatness oh punny God? So be it." You walked until you felt him grabbing your wrist until you snatched it away from him.

"When the time is right, we can get back together." He spoke like he was in a fucking meeting in a company.

"No." You hissed "Chisaki I loved you, and I gave you everything of me even supporting your ideas. But then you want to break up with out of no where saying I would ruin your plans by simply existing neat you and to top it off you call me clingy and a nuisance?"

You could see a tad bit of remorse on his eyes as he pondered for a second his own words maybe, but before he could speak you sobbed and opened the door.

"Don't ever look for me Chisaki. And for your information..." you hesitated and gulped down the urge to just yell what you had discovered just earlier while clenching your purse where the pregnancy test lied on.

"What?" He asked, now no longer seeing to be bothered by your sadness and outburst.

"... good luck on your life. I hope you're happy with this obstacle getting away from you." You muttered before closing the door and walking out until you cursed and screamed while you ran as the rain started to make an appearance.

Not noticing the germophobic himself running out of the house with an umbrella to give it to you and soaked as well as he watched with a dread expression your figurine run away...

Ten years later...

"I swear Kaiyo... you gonna drive me crazy one of these days." You spoke heartedly as the boy with brow hair laughed in embarrassment while scrubbing the back of his head as you caught all the pieces of the broken chair on the ground.

"Sorry ma! I got carried away." You scoffed but soon smiled at his tiny hands and focused face morph the pieces and piece them back together and with a proud face show you the new constructed chair with a 'tad a!'

"Wow. Impressive sweety!" You patted his hair as he "complained", golden eyes shinning brightly at looking at you with a huge smile on.

Life sometimes was cruel to give the child you loved the exact same face as their father which teared your heart at pieces. But your love for your son was stronger than this stupid thing.

Kaiyo was your son. Not his.

"Ne ne ma? Father's day is coming up!" Kaiyo said and you froze for a moment before sighing while washing the dishes.

Here we go...

"Yes it is coming." You muttered as the boy sneak around and looked up at you.

"You know I dont really care about what the other kids say about me having only a mom but..." he rested his face on his crossed arms on the sink while shyly looking up at you "I was just curious... if I am going to meet mine..."

You sighed while placing the now dry plates on their place before giving your son the best smile you could get.

"Kaiyo, your father is just a very busy name. When we were together he had.. uh.. family business to take care of, so that's why we cant see him much." Kaiyo seemed a bit dissapointmented and it tore you apart.

You could have your own issues with Kai but that didn't mean you would make his son hate him...

"Well... Sato's also got a busy dad but.." he shook his head, messy brow bangs shaking along with his head, until he gave you a bright smile "That's okay! I just hope I get to meet him one day! And that he gets back to you and apologize foe being a dork! So us three can live together!"

A child can dream, right?

But you knew that Kai needed to know the existence of Kaiyo... you werent ignorant...

"Yeah kiddo. Let's hope for the best." You carresed his cheek before kissing it "Okay. Enough talk. Time for bed young man."

"Awww already?" He pouted as you giggled.

"How about that? You go get ready and I tell you stories about me and daddy while we were together?"

"Can I get my plushie of mr Nighteye?" You giggled. Something Kaiyo definitely wasn't equal to his father was his fascination with heroes.

"Sure honey. Now shoo! Go go go!" You squished his cheeks as he laughed and ran towards his room on the apartment.

You snorted at sign before preparing yourself for digging the past once again for the sake of your son.

"MOM!" You almost chopped your finger along with the carrot at the shout of Kaiyo before looking at him in worry to se ehkm pointing at the T.V with horror "The heroes-! The green hero with the girl-!"

You immediately went to his side only to widened your eyes at the image in front of you.

Chisaki..?

"Ma! He is a villain! A BIG ONE!"your son whimpered while going for you for a hug while stared in shock... "Ma? Why are you trembling?"

"H-Huh?" You let out until you gasped at seeing this teenager punching Chisaki square in the face...

"Ma?! You're okay?!"

You didn't know what to feel, but surely you weren't expecting tears to fall when this girl hand cuffed your ex boyfriend and the cops and heroes to put him into a van to surely got to the prison. Tartarus you bet.

You felt a hand rubbing your cheek and soon looked at your son wide teary eyes.

"M-Mommy...?" You hugged him close to your chest and holding his head close as your heart almost slammed out of your chest. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"I-i... I'm okay honey." You inhaled before looking into Kaiyo's golden eyes to see worry on them. "Hey, mommy's okay."

"Ma...?"

"Hm?"

"That man looked like me..."

How long was he here? Months?

Didn't matter. Nothing mattered more... everything was taken from him. Including his own arms. Now he was just as useless as a cockroach.

Worst of all? His own father figurine on a damn hospital because of him...

Pathetic.

'Is funny how things change' is what you used to say... he found himself scoffing while pressing the back of his head on the wall.

He hadn't stop thinking about you ever since the day he made the decision of breaking up with you. He did tried inumerous times to contact you when he took leadership of the Hassaikai... but he just gave up.

"Probably married with kids already... why are you even thinking about her on the first place..?" he murmured to himself as he felt his chest tighten in sadness.

Everything was just... what he deserved.

He sighed. Closing his eyes for just a split second until he heard banging on the door of his cell until a guard opened the window on it to glare daggers at him.

"Get up. You have visitors."

"Leave me in here. I thought your job was to take seriously enough to not make jokes." He spoke on a hoarse voice until the cell opened with two guards already on it.

"I cant understand why you have visitors as well but get your ass up already."

He just blinked until he got up, two guards in front of him and one behind as he walked.

He just hoped it was fast.

He entered the room, mirrors which surely was where cops were hidden as he sitted down on a chair and waited until the door of iron opened by another guard.

"Right here ma'am. And remember the rules please."

"Of course." His eyes widened and he snapped his head up to see if he hadn't got crazy.

But no. You were there.

Gosh.. you didn't change at all... was even more beautiful than what his mind could have remember.

He stood there in shock as you got in but along with you... holding your hand, was a boy. Dressed with clothes but he surely didn't looked content about being in here.

His face dropped at seing the kid... you had moved on.

"One hour." The guard said locking the door as you stood there awkwardly, while the kid holding onto to you was glaring at the ground.

He wanted to say something but nothing came out as he was still in shock at seeing out of all people you decided to visit him.

The heels you wore clicked on the ground as you walked towards the table and sit down and the boy right by your side on the other chair... not even once you made eye contact with him.

"... (y/n)..." he whispered, still looking at you as if you were some angelical creature.

"Hey... long time that we dont see each other right? Chisaki." You spoke... not with a smile but not with hatred.

It was a start.

"You... hadn't changed a... a bit." He spoke, voice scratching at his throat as your eyes finally met his, his heart was beating loudly on his chest.

It felt like he was in high school again...

"Should I take that as a compliment?"

"I.. I didn't meant to offend you. Apologies." He bowed his head a bit as you sighed, looking at him with wide eyes out of the sudden.

"Oh God what happened to your arms?!" You almost screamed as the kid also seemed to notice.

"Long story... just.. a business that went wrong." He explained with dread as you seemed to relax a but while nodding.

It remained quiet for a bit only for the sound of the clock on the wall until he decided to break the silence.

".. so.. er.." gosh he was horrible with this "how is your life? Any.. uh.. you got the degree you wanted? I remember how you talked about it..."

You sighed with dissapointment as you looked at everywhere but him.

"No. I haven't... but I see you got what you wanted before being arrested though." You muttered and he let out a bitter chuckle.

"Almost.. yeah." He tapped his foot twice until he spotted the kid glaring at him with similiar gold eyes... "Married?"

"No. I thought it would be a distraction while taking care of my son." You spoke abruptly... as you looked at the boy beside you... "Anyway... I need to give you this."

You showed to him a paper before putting on the desk.

"What.. what is this?"

"Is a DNA test." You spoke coldly "To prove that you do have a son."

His eyes widened at that as he looked at the paper... and then to the boy whose was glaring at him not moments ago...

"Wha... but... "

"Remember the day when we split off? Yeah... was the day I discovered."

"W... why didn't you said something?" He asked in oure horror as you giggled in sarcasm.

"For what? This would only trouble you right?" You said with such venom on your voice that he felt a sting to his chest before you breathed in slowly before exhaling "I'm here because I thought you had the right to know... even after ten years.."

He looked at the kid and soon could tell the similarly between him and the boy... you had to raise a child with his face on it alone and he had broken things because of his own selfishness...

"What... what is his name?"

You pondered for a second before sighing, caressing the boy's hair.

"Come on honey... introduce yourself to your dad..." the boy huffed before opening his eyes and looking at him.

"I'm (L/n) Kaiyo. I cant say is very nice to meet you but my mom told me to say it for respect." He almost cringed at the introduction as he saw you looking at him with anger.

"Kaiyo." You warned as the boy scoffed.

"Dont need to scold him. He is not exactly wrong..." he ended up saying while you looked at him.

"I raised Kaiyo to have respect though."

"Why should I have respect towards him in the first place?" He looked at the dark brow haired kid "Not only he abandoned you ma but he is a villain! A very bad one! That girl on the Tv should be the same age if not younger than me!" The boy gritted with a few tears escaping his face.

"Kaiyo please... "

"Incredible..." you and Kaiyo suddenly looked at him "Despite having my features you are just like your mother... I would be proud of it..."

"... I'm not proud of being a villain's son." He muttered while sniffing "You abandoned us. I know ma hadn't said a thing to you but now I do."

You bited on your lips as he looked at loss of words at what he just heard from a child...

"... I know it doesn't change a thing but... I never stopped thinking about... your mother. About you (Y/n)."

"DONT REFER TO MY MOM AS HER FIRST NAME!" Kaiyo banged his fists on the table before you took him in your arms as the boy sobbed "You never cared! You-You-! Grandpa said you called my ma a bother! You are a MURDER!" The kid cried.

"I'm sorry about that..." you mumbled as you cradled the crying boy in your arms "He didn't take well Mr. Nighteye death..."

"M-Ma-! I wanna go home!"

"But Kaiyo, your da-"

"He IS NOT MY DAD!" he cried in you as you sighed as Chisaki seemed to be dying little by little at each second this visit had.

"I'm... going to go. Another day we will visit. Take care, Chisaki." You spoke before he could hear it and he stood up abruptly from his chair.

"No! Wait-!"

The door closed...

Months later

"Ma look. Hawk's wings are healing." The kid pointed at the news and you smiled.

"That's amazing! We could use some good news!" You chirped as Kaiyo smiled until both of you heard the door bell of your apartment ring.

"Huh. Weird usually grandpa or grandma visits us on-" you opened the door and you almost screamed at the sign of that same green haired kid on your door but now he seemed so... broken...

"Ma'am.. I'm sorry to bother you, but he said he can crash a bit in here... later cops will come to get him. I'm sorry but I need to go." Your son walked and squealed at sign.

"A hero!" Your son smiled brightly at him and for once, Deku had showed a smile for real... until you saw Chisaki leaning bruised to the core resting on the wall next to your door...

"Chisaki..." you breathed out as your son looked at him in shock.

"I'm sorry. Both of you..." he muttered while looking at the storm outside.

#overhaul x reader #chisaki kai x reader #chisaki kai #kai chisaki #overhaul #kai chisaki x reader #bnha villains x reader #bnha villains #x (y/n)#female reader #zuffer writings #holy moly this one was long

222 notes · View notes

lilastromama · 3 years

Text

Rating the Signs as big 3 Placements

(Sagittarius, Pisces, Leo, Virgo)

Sagittarius:

sun: whoopsie, i dont know. Most of them are really great to have conversations about mysterious and weird topics, like aliens and the universe as a whole, i enjoy that so lets put the positive stuff first. What im not enjoying on the other hand, is them being very competitive, even with their closest people. Also when theyre mad, they are gonna talk about u behind ur back and think of very evil and scary ways to get revenge, 6/10 tho

moon: i really do like sag moons. I think i mentioned this in one of my posts already, but: Theyre SO uplifting, supporting and caring! I really like how they always find a way to catch you when ure falling. Maybe theyre extremely stubborn and dont like being wrong in whatever aspects, but yeah, lets put that aside! giving them a good 8/10

rising: Sag risings are really to die for, not trying to be dramatic. Theyre extremely creative, also deep. My first take on sag risings is always "mhm, i dont think it would work out" and then boom, they show you their real persona and whats behind this mask. Really loveable creatures, they just seem a bit off. giving them 8/10

Pisces

sun: I dont like them. Listen here, im not trying to be a bitch and im not the person to feed into stereotypes, but with pisces suns its just TRUTH. they will try to hide their insecurities by acting confident, instead of actually trying to get better, what makes them come off as self centered and arrogant, even tho theyre not. Also most of the time, sorry not sorry, - theyre AWARE of the fact that theyre toxic but wont do shit about it because just sitting and being miserable sounds easier than actually digging into the dark parts of oneself. 3/10

moon: pisces moons are actually very sad to watch. Theyre more on the introvert side than the extrovert, u'd think theyre very quiet and private people. What most dont know about them tho, is that they live inside their heads and if u would take a look inside, u'd be surprised. Their head and mind is their own little world, their own little universe. Its chaotic, always moving. There is so much going on inside of them and if u get to know them, u will find out how deep and interesting they really are. Dear pisces moons, let us be part of your inner world and your beauty, dont hide. 8/10

rising: ohhhh HELL YES. Idk about you people, but to me, they have such a mystical, interesting look to them. Lagoona blue from monster high vibes and i said what i said. Very creative, also intuitive, maybe interested in the occult and so called "taboo" topics. Maybe theyre even activists, trying to help out and raise awareness where they can. Just as with pisces moons: they come off as private people, but probably would have an more interesting life story than most of us. 9/10

Leo

sun: Its a yes from me, but somehow a no, too. Leo women? GIVE IT TO ME! Leo men? well, only if evolved. What i like about leo suns is their confidence and the way they present themselves. U'd notice a leo sun everywhere they go, believe me there. If unevolved, they can be one hell to deal with, i gotta admit that (but also hella fun) - If evolved tho, theyre SUCH angels and actually very aware of themselves and their actions. Theyre the ones to push you to be the best version of yourself, i vibe with it. 9/10

moon: Its actually a yes too! Theyre so complex, hard to understand - but only if ure not open minded! To vibe with them, u have to be evolved - sorry not sorry. If not, theyre going to push you till you are. And that, not really in comfortable ways for you. They truly dont mean no harm and trying to help out, but its really not for all people, especially if ure sensitive. Keep an eye out i guess and let them do their job, u will thank them sooner or later. 9/10

rising: yeah, idk. To me, theyre fake leos and im not even sorry ☠️ They come off as leos, but not really in the same font. Instead, to me, theyre way worse! Its like those cheap nutella-copy products ur mom wants u to buy. To me they have more of the traits that virgo suns have. Perfectionists, egocentric, analytical but not in a good way - and always searching for something they can talk and gossip about. They constantly break down ur life instead of worrying about themselves and call it "trying to help" - (No darling, u just like putting ur 2 cents in that no one asked for) 5/10

Virgo

sun: once again a no, im sorry at this point :( Even tho i have to say, YES they seem very kind, caring, even supporting and accepting, but if u look closer, ure finding nothing of it all. They are always up everyones ass, as i mentioned in one of my posts aswell. Just like pisces suns, theyre making themselves something they arent. I actually believe they could be such great friends, they just have to better themselves and watch how theyre handling their own emotions. Both of them project their insecurities onto others and make it their problem to handle. Please, virgo and pisces at this point: Get ur hands dirty, do shadow work and you both are great to go! 4/10

moon: oh well, we're talking about me here (this doesnt better anything to be honest) - I feel like virgo moons are very, very serious when it comes to their own feelings and mind, theyre warding it from anything or anyone. Thats where i think they have something from scorpios: They want to know everything about you, but you cant know anything about them and if so, you probably get rejected sooner or later because it would be too dangerous to get hurt. Very analytical, skeptical and calculating people. We really need that emotional safety to actually come out of our comfort zone but IF we do, u'll get to know a new person! still complex tho- 8/10

rising: I dont wanna start a new stereotype but: Am i the only one that kind of noticed how virgo risings look like those pinterest-indie-kids? Its either that or the grunge kids u always see on instagram as an outfit inspo. Im actually invested! They really possess that motherly/caring vibe ure instantly familiar with and feel comfortable around, im a definitely a fan! 9/10

265 notes · View notes

izukus-sugar-baby · 3 years

Text

Checked out!

WARNINGS: fluff-ish, eventually will be smut, mentions of getting sick twice

word count: 2k

Heres my first writing for tumblr! Hope you all like it!

Part Two, Part Three.

"Hey Miss!!" You peered down at the smaller voice, simultaneously feeling a book slip from your hand and onto the ground. The bookshelf was at least 5 rows high, and you had been standing as far as you needed to reach the top. You were dusting off and replacing the books on the shelf, which... hadn’t been so pleasant with children running around before their daily read. Regardless, you had a job to do. It wasn't gonna stop for a ton of kids. You had been rearranging the books in alphabetical order before the kid startled you. Thank god it didn’t fall on their head.

"Are you gonna read to us today? Or is Miss Maggie?" The kid didn't look over six years old, blue eyes and long brown hair with freckles littering her face in a wonderful way. She wore a small dress full of sunflowers with bright pink shoes on her feet. She had been here before... Although, her name wasn’t ringing a bell.

"I wanted to read one of those pigeon stories you read us last time!" You let out a sigh of relief that the book didn't smack the kid on top of her head prior to climbing down to the ground and leaning down be eye-level with her.

"Pigeon stories?" You've read dozens of books about dozens of creatures and characters. What on earth would relate to a.. pigeon? Leaning down a bit farther to snatch up the book you had dropped, she pushed another book into your arms. The title read The Pigeon Needs A Bath!

"This book is pretty thin, You sure you want me to read just this one book, sweetheart?" You stood up straight, handing the girl the book back before cocking your hip to the side and placing your hand onto it.

"Me and Emmie can go find some more!" She hurried off to find her.. friend? Knowing it had been a child, it could be a stuffed animal! But she sure did leave too quickly to ask any questions about it. You sighed, climbing back up to finish your organizing. Thank goodness I’m already close to being done. You thought to yourself, dusting top to bottom and moving onto the 4th row. Their reading wasn't for another.. what? 20 minutes? You had time to knock out another shelf. Time flew by as you finished the 4th row. It was already time to read.

"I have to stop by Goodwill and get some more books. I also gotta stop at the post office and some.. other errands? You got this reading?" The owner of the store, Maggie, looked over to make sure she had gotten your attention before naming off a few things that needed done in the shop before you closed up shop.

"Yeah! What time will you be back?" You climbed down the last step of the ladder, patting off the dust from the bookcase that had gotten on your apron. It was some cutesy hello kitty apron you wore so the dust wouldn't ruin your clothing but it really just made it look like it was some mini cafe. None the less, you wore it.

"I'll be back in time for that uh, Pro hero guy. I don't know- my wife wrote him in. Ask and she'll tell you!" You weren't too involved with all that hero bullshit, the whole who can save more lives?! You get the most money AND an award. The system in itself was ass and it wouldn't make a difference in your everyday life for one of those snobby people to stop by. You walked around the shelves, watching Maggie leave as you sat down on a small rounded couch. A small chime rang through the shop as it called the children over for their reading, a few already sitting and ready to hear you.

It wasn't a big library, it seemed like a corner store had gotten torn down and then completely renovated into a library for children. The second floor had been where the owner and her wife stayed. It was a cozy little place where about 8-12 kiddos would visit for a read. There were bookshelves in the walls for more book space and 5 separate shelves more towards the middle of the place. They held less books than the ones on the wall. Only two of the five reached over 3ft. Parents would come in just to rent a few books. But more often than not, the owner would go out hunting for new books for everyone to enjoy. Along with cute little toys and those foam floor mats to sit on. All of the children in the shop had sat right in front of you, including the girl from earlier who held 4 books in her hands. A few other kids held thin picture books in their hands as well, but only having 15 minutes to read to them, it might be hard to get around to all of them.

“Alright, Who's first?" You asked, smiling down at them. Every single child raised their hand, some even raising both so your attention was on them. Of course this wasn't going to be easy. You thought to yourself as you put a hand over your eyes, pointing to some random kid. He held a small book, standing up slowly and handing it to you.

"My mom reads me this sometimes.." Poor boy was only about 5, and seemed pretty shy. You gave him a reassuring smile before he went back to his seat. You began to read and in no time at all you finished reading the few books children selected. Thank god it was a Friday, Most children would be picked up right after the reading for afternoon preschool etc. But it seemed like no one wanted to leave. Was it that hero Maggie had mentioned? You sighed, hopping up and heading to the check out desk where you saw a few children wanting to check out their books you previously read to them. You leaned down over the desk to reach for the book, scanning it and doing so for each person. The store bell jingled, as if the creak of the door didn't give away someone walking in.

"Welcome to 'Children's Magical Bookshop,' You paid the person no mind as you spoke, handing the last child their book and letting your gaze fall upon the... very tall man in front of you. Noise filled the small shop, children running up to him screaming-

"Deku!" As loud as their little lungs could. He gave a flashy smile, leaning down to hug the children that ran straight for his legs. He laughed and lifted a few of them in his.. very strong arms. Was it hot in the bookshop? Was the AC fucked up? You force your eyes from the tall man.. Was he looking at you too? Your mind screamed at you to introduce yourself, Quickly walking towards a shelf to do something. Anything bust stand there and gawk at him.

"Are you Maggie?" There were hopping children behind him, playing with his gloves and such as you turned to him.

"No- I'm y/n. Are you that.. pro? She had been talking about.?" You huffed through your nose, turning to him. He extended a hand, nodding with a cheesy grin on his face as soon as you had taken his hand into yours. It wasn’t like you never saw him on the news, but you sure did skip the channel as soon as it was some bullshit hero chart over who had been number one. He was so much hotter in person..

"Yes! I'm sorry I'm a bit early, I finished patrol sooner than I thought! I hope I'm not interrupting anything? The woman on the phone said before six, I told her I was sure I could make it around five!" His eyes traveled to your lips for a moment, listening to you speak back to him.

“You’re fine, There’s plenty of time for you to hang out and sign all of their t-shirts and such. Make yourself at home big man. You can sit in the reading area,” The kids dragged him to where you were just moments ago.. But he couldn't get you to leave his mind. You were beautiful. He needed to make you his.

The poor hero stayed until about six o’clock to talk to you, since all of the kids finally left to go do their summer homework or whatever they had to do. Deku had been leaning over the counter for almost an extra hour to make some conversation with you, he just couldn’t help himself. You cant blame him either! You had this smile that he couldn’t resist. And quite frankly, he wasn’t used to this feeling of butterflies in his stomach. He fought some shit villain every day! What's a few butterflies? Especially as pretty as you. Why wouldn't he want to stick around?

“I really didn’t think it would be so chill this week! It feels like I've done nothing but catch up on papers!” Izuku scratched his neck with his index finger, shaking his head lightly. “I guess I really am doing a good job!- Of course other pros are doing their jobs as well!” He let out a relieved chuckle, looking at you with a big, sincere, smile on his face. “How has work here been? It must be so nice working with so many children!”

You feel your eyes involuntarily roll, shaking your head and leaning against the wall behind you. “It’s nice until some kid gets sick on themselves and their mother isn’t here to help. We have extra clothing in the back because it’s happened more than once.” You groaned as your eyes trailed to the door leading to lost n found, clothes, and other things. You had an unamused look on your face talking about it. He noticed and let his eyes follow yours until feeling your eyes rest upon him once more. Maybe texting would let you come around to him a bit more? Were you bored?

“Yikes- I’ve seen adults get sick after villains show up. But I probably should head back to my agency.” He looked out of the store window before right back to those beautiful e/c eyes of yours. “Do you have a number I can text? I would love to talk to you more y/n..!” He was already prepared for rejection. It was kinda weird to be hitting on you after dealing with kids wasn’t it? Maybe he should take it back. Was he coming off as some sleazy ass hero?

Your eyes widened in the slightest- Enough for him to notice. “Sure, Let me see your phone,” You stepped closer to the counter, seeing him fumble on the pouch of his belt before unlocking and giving you his phone. You went to his contacts, making yourself one of them and handing it right back to him. He had an even bigger, cheesier, grin on his face after he took it back.

“Thank you, y/n!” He bowed his head before quickly leaving out to his agency. Finally, you could go home as well. Not that he was a problem, but that man sure could talk. It was endearing. Maybe I can put enough of those stutters in mind tonight. You joked to yourself, grabbing your keys and walking out to lock up the small bookshop. There was no doubt that you were attracted to him. Every woman in America and Japan was attracted to him in some way.

You let out a small sigh, driving home and turning your radio up until hearing your phone ding. You glanced over at the screen to see an unknown number texting. Assuming it was Deku, you waited until you were home to answer him. By the time you had texted him back, he was quick to reply. You two made plans to hang out soon and have dinner together. You talked for hours until one of you had fallen asleep. He was ecstatic. You really enjoyed his company.

taglist: @tenyaiidasslut @hi-rubi @devilsbooksworld @flamingpastapotatoes @arleneeene @blacklotussai @akam4recs @prinvilmain

a/n: I fucking hate tumblr KWJCHDH ive had to re-write this more than once because they changed the layout if the save and post. Its not my best work and was mostly edited on here instead of Google docs. Learn to edit the first version first i guess 💀 The second part will be much better!

Please Reblog!!!!

137 notes · View notes

artreider · 3 years

Text

Station 19 rewatch: 4x14

Going to try to do another rewatch before my family wakes up. We have a lot to do today and there is a dark cloud over the house after loaing our cat this week. Here's hoping i can get through one of my favorite episodes before they get up.

Surrera is so cute here and the whole food thing, like girl where is our payoff on this baby that was so clearly teased. Or is there another medical condition that could be blamed on her excessive eating.

Im so glad maya and andy are friends again. I loge their friendship.

I'm glad andy acknowledges that getting married doesnt fix things; but i worry that if maya and carina hit a rough patch, andy will remind maya of this conversation or use her own issues with sullivan and their marriage as an i told you so.

Danielle is beautiful but does anyone else think she lost weight, random question but just looking at her in her uniform there she seems smaller and it worries me. Didnt really notice last time i watched this episode but am i alone in this.

Oh carina baby you so dont want to go. I just want to hug you.

Jack is so cute, he deserves a family so much but i really do fear he'll be killed off.

Im surprised ben reached out to Sullivan instead of dean.

I love this outfit on maya. Carina your girl is flirting with you and thinking of happier times, engage with her.

I love that maya opens up with carina about her dad and the protests and the happenings in the world with him. It shows so much growth and im here for it. Also anyone else annoyed that one carina answered gabriella's phone call when maya is opening up to her and two that she didnt turn it off for their last few hours together.

The look of like disappointment/devestation on maya's face when carina answers the call and walks away from her is too much hurt.

So sad that bailey isnt there and that ben is alone for even a second of this.

I'm glad andy and sullivan came to be there with ben. Like i get why they wanted andy but im sad after ben and Dean's episode dean wasnt there.

Oh jack, i dont even know what to say besides oh jack lol.

The drama with trash girl is too much lmao. I know its important for jack/inara but its just too much.

Carina packing up her knives being a trigger for maya like she's leaving forever is heartbreaking.

Carina snapping at maya hurts, dont be mean to baby. Also the kitchen sign is totally carina's doing and though she hadnt confided in maya yet that she is her home its a dead giveaway.

I really need screen grabs of the changing words on the sign.

The kids talk, the coming out talk and the marriage talk are all things that should not be done while packing or doing anything else.

Wait it totally sounded like she said "it felt pregnant" lmao or i just have babies on the brain.

Now carina being flirty and maya not reciprocating.

Maya you shouldve pushed the marriage talk now if it was what you really wanted. Instead of letting carina drop the i never wanted to get married bomb and walk away.

Andy and ben together, this friendship is beautiful. I feel like it took several seasons for ben to really get in good the team. Im trying to think of other moments besides the prt support and such when he really connected with folks before this season and none come to mind. He has been an outlier from my memory, tell me im wrong with examples please.

Lmao "you slept with my wife which means we are in a pod", things a pandemic makes funny.

Thats just wrong, giving gibson shit still. Dont hit the puppy with the newspaper when he's doing nothing wrong.

Once again with gabriella, seriously carina turn off your phone and be present with maya and maya alone.

Maya's jealousy is everything. This argument ugh, so good and just the tip of the iceberg.

I hope that maya does take the month break and the months after to really get to know the us immigration system and what it will take for carina to become an american citizen as well as learn more italian. I dont need her fluent but id love to see her use some italian with carina. She lost her brother who she spoke to in her native tongue itd be nice for her to gain that in her wife.

I love how carina stops herself as she raises her voice at maya, like she realizes it may be triggering to maya. I really do think the show and actresses put in a lot in this episode to show how well they know each other and have grown. I feel like they talk more even if we dont see it and maya is working on her issues with carina's love and support. I also do love how this argument ends though ;)

Once again maya opening up and finally carina is there and not sidetracked. And its nice carina opens up as well.

Ben's dream with the different versions of himself and his mom is funny and heartbreaking.

Joey in the dream lmao.

The nice thing about ben is if he gets hurt on the job and cant be a firefighter anymore he has other professions to fall back on.

Oh jack. I just want you to get your happy ending.

I still think its so weird to be talking about jack after they had sex but im glad they are in a place that is so comfortable and can laugh about him.

Once again another bomb dropped, kids. This is something that needs to be discussed properly.

Oh maya dont drop the marriage bomb like that. And i guess i dont underatand the outrage of the "just because", like why would carina think it was anything but that when it was dropped on her like that and after she said she didnt want to get married. This fight is so much about misunderstandings and hurtful comments.

I get how maya's fear gets the best of her here especially after carina said they just moved in together because they didnt want to be apart (asif that is a bad thing) and it was bureaucracy.

And i can understand why maya's fear hurts carina but they both needed to take a minute to breathe and try to talk it out.

I do like when carina tells maya to breathe, again like she knows her triggers and feels maya is on the verge of a panic attack.

If carina felt she married maya when she moved in i really dont see the harm in making it official. Would her having been moved out in italy for 6 months or more have felt like a divorce. I really need to know more about her logic here.

I agree why not just do it.

You've both said enough carina. I hate that she just walks away, so un carina like.

How did jack end up at the hospital? Was he called or what?

Andy is such a good friend this episode, checking on everyone.

Gabriella is so right noone wants to be proposed to the way maya kind of did. Like i cant help but wonder how carina would've taken a true proposal.

Im so glad gabriella spoke some truth to carina and turned her around on the marriage idea.

If we let the wrong decisionss rule how we live our lives things in the world would be so different. Less babies possibly and fewer marriages among other things.

Once again andy being a good friend this episode.

If carina hadnt shown up im curious what maya's next move wouldve been after talking to andy.

Love the proposal and love how its carina who announces they are getting married.

#station 19 #maya bishop #carina deluca #maya x carina #marina #maya and carina #maya and carina station 19 #carina x maya #danielle savre #robert sullivan #andy herrera #ben warren #miranda bailey #surrera #jack gibson

31 notes · View notes

mymedlife · 3 years

Text

Guys, the pandemic has broken me. Every time we seem to be making any progress I feel like we get set back again.

Sorry for the long rant ahead, but I feel like I need to get it out of my head.

Back in the beginning, last March or so, when the state I'm living in shut down, I felt like I could do it. Daycare shut down for almost 3 months to prevent spread.

My husband's job changed his hours to 10a to 8p since everyone was working remotely so they could all be working on the same time zone.

My cofellows were generous enough to switch shifts so I could work all nights and weekends and watch my kiddo during the day. Which kind of sucked, because she doesn't play independently for very long, o was tired, hubby wanted it quiet, and everything was closed so there wasn't anywhere to go to break up the monotony.

Work was filled with frequent changes around what protective equipment we have and what is required to be worn where. I got fitted for 3 different N95s because we kept running out, despite having to check them out and have them sterilized between uses.

I had frequent discussions about how COVID is real with families who refused testing. Parents lied about their symptoms to be allowed into the hospital with their kids, including one who collapsed mid visit due to respiratory failure. Several people ended up having to quarantine because they weren't wearing their N95s during the resuscitation as it was unexpected (at the time we were only wearing N95s during aerosolizing procedures including bagging). This lead to a new rule on not stopping in to help until you have the proper equipment on (which makes sense, but but is so hard).

Early on I spent some time volunteering for the COVID hotline for my state. Most of the questions I got were people upset that things were closing. There were very few health calls.

My aunt died. My sister, a psychologist, argued with her boss she should get a raise for being a frontline worker. My other sister, who is immunocompromised, was mad that all her friends continued to party guilt free and we kept telling her to stay home. My husband began to enjoy his new schedule to the point that he would stay up until 3am playing games after work (the kid was asleep and I was working) and sleep until he had to work at 10 am. My friends talked about their new lock down hobbies, including my co fellow who spent her time creating a new lecture series for the residents. I felt like I was trending water, I started getting behind on fellowship things and I was so tired. My kiddo was happy that I was spending more time with her, and it all was temporary, right?

Eventually things started opening up again. Daycare returned. Two days later my husband was fired. Thankfully he found a job within a few months, but during that time was quick to anger and his staying up all night playing games and sleeping most of the day got worse. He dismissed anything I had to say about it and frequently promised to sleep earlier, later saying he had to stay up because the kid had a nightmare that I slept through.

During this time, many of my pediatrician friends were called to see adults due to high patient volumes and doctor shortages. Luckily I only had to see kids, but there was still a lot of mystery surrounding symptoms and the discovery of the multi system inflammatory syndrome.

My kiddo got sent home a few times from daycare for vague symptoms that necessitated a COVID test, and at one point she was at home with me for 2 weeks due to a COVID positive exposure in class. My husband's job was new so he couldn't take off time to help. At some point things shifted so I was now doing all the daycare pickup and drop-off as well as all the bedtimes (unless I was physically at work).

Following Breonna Taylor and George Floyd there were large scale protests around the downtown area, where my hospital is located. I wholeheartedly support the movement, but someone told my kid it was dangerous to go downtown, and she became fearful of me going to work. This combined with the break in at our home lead to sleep refusal. Something I had to help he with, leading to bedtime taking hours, because my husband would yell at her. Most nights I was too tired after getting her to bed to do much, which lead to more work piling up.

Job hunting was not as fun as I had hoped it would had been. I had one in person interview, everything else was virtual. Thinking about working at a place I've never seen was terrifying.

Many places simply ghosted me. Lots weren't hiring. A few went on a hiring freeze after my interview.

Every interview asked what hobby I developed during lockdown. I admittedly could have answered this question better, and explained that I survived the lockdown with a toddler and that was an accomplishment.

My home institution decided to go with my co fellow over me. When I asked my mentor why she said they felt she had more to contribute to medical education than I do. I'm convinced that in part this has to do with all the lectures she wrote during lockdown.

I was able to get a job, but it's at a smaller community ED where we have a few beds in an adult ED. I mentioned to my associated program director I was a little disappointed, and suddenly everyone is telling me to be thankful for what I have.

I can be thankful and disappointed at the same time.

I think the biggest thing is a fear that if I hate this job I wont ever be able to find another one.

I also kind of resent my kid and husband, if I had more support or time to focus on fellowship things may have been different.

But life goes on. The vaccine was created, things opened up, and now those who aren't vaccinated can stop masking.

The my body my choice people who previously refused to mask are pleased, and now there are barely any masks when I go out (despite a not great vaccination rate in my area).

My kid is 3 and cant get the vaccine, so we still wear them. She loves to whine about how the others don't wear their masks. "It's not fair."

No, it really isn't.

Masks are still required in the hospital, which parents complain about daily. Recently every time I recommend a COVID test it has been refused. The pandemic is over. Kids can't get COVID. And other nonsense.

Kids as young as 12 can get vaccinated. However there is real concern about post vaccine myocarditis. Now everyone who comes in with chest pain wants to complain, even if they are unvaccinated.

Things have been stressful, and my kid is picking up on that. She still has trouble sleeping and has started having tantrums. We recently had a meeting with daycare and they want us to have seen by psych to get her evaluated.

I've found that I've lost interest in most of my hobbies, not that I have a lot of time for them. Fellowship finished and I have the next two weeks off before starting my new job. I was planning on spending it sleeping, cleaning the house, getting out the baby stuff as we are expecting a new little one in a couple of months, and rediscovering my hobbies.

Today I had an awful migraine. I cant take the meds I usually take because of the pregnancy, and my OB wont prescribe anything because he is worried about masking signs of preeclampsia. My husband refused to get up to watch the kid because he was tired, so I pushed through until he was ready to get up.

I lay down to try to get a nap and I get a call that there has been a case of COVID at daycare, and they will be closing for 2 weeks. They will open up the day I start my new job.

And this my friends is what has broken me.

I was so looking forward to finally have time for self care, and now I get to play stay at home mom again with my kid who is in isolation.

After that call I got up and left the house. I'm sitting in my car at the park writing this, and while I know I will go back home eventually, I'm tempted to drive off and let my husband deal with this for a change.

38 notes · View notes

avtrbee · 3 years

Text

Levi and Y/N Family Headcanons

Hey!! This goes along with Unexpected Surprise bc i cant get it out of my head?? This is basically just a rundown on how your family dynamics are hehe. Though this is mostly how Y/N’s relationship are with the children, I put as much Levi as i could. feel free to tell me if you want more :)

AU where everyone is happy and alive bc snk is sad and depressing as it is and we deserve some fluff!!

You and Levi found each other when Mikasa and Eren were only small children, Mikasa being 3 and Eren being 4.

You and Levi were hesitant to get married because of the nature of your jobs. You were a Survey Corps soldier while Levi was running some shady things, alternating between the Underground and illegally going up to see you. There was a huge possibility of your death and Levi’s capture but both of you gave in thinking that there’s no time to waste.

You and Levi had a civil wedding, only opting to sign documents in a legal office rather than a grand celebration. “Eren,” you say to your son before bringing him to the wedding. “You’re going to have a new sister today.”

You and Levi agreed to bring your children with you in your wedding to officially meet for the first time. You had let them see glimpses of each other before so they wouldn’t be too shocked at the sudden change. All four of you were going to be a family after all and you and Levi wanted it to work.

“What if you don’t like each other?” You ask, squeezing Levi’s hand on the night before your wedding.

“They will.” He mused, running his thumb over your hand.

“But if they don’t?” you insist.

“Then they will have to get used to each other.” Levi replied.

Eren and Mikasa surprisingly took each other well. For one, once Eren heard that he was getting a sister, he was the one dragging you to the legal office where Levi and Mikasa were waiting. He always wanted to have a sibling, but there is no way you were going to have another child. Your vagina was ripped by Eren when you gave life to the boy and it wasn’t an experience you wanted to repeat thank you very much.

Once you directed Eren to where Mikasa and Levi were, he burst to the door and held his hand out to Mikasa who was hiding behind Levi’s leg, clutching it for dear life. “Hi I’m Eren! My mama says you’re going to be my new sister!”

Mikasa cowered behind her father’s leg and stayed quiet before Levi shrugged his leg off. “Oi,” he warned.

She casted her eyes at Eren who gave her the widest smile. “...hi. Mikasa.” She whispered, ignoring Eren’s hand. Eren didn’t seem to mind, opting to fill Mikasa’s silence with his chatting.

With your salary as a soldier, you managed to buy a small house near the Survey Corps’ base and send Mikasa and Eren to the nearest school. It was a humble home compared to the houses in your neighborhood but it contained a small kitchen and room for the four of you. It was enough.

Despite being married, you and Levi would only see each other on the weekends. Levi still had business in the Underground which made it riskier to come home everyday. However, he entrusted Mikasa with you and Eren. He didn’t want her to spend another second in the disgusting place she grew up in and grow up like him, lacking in nutrients and sunlight.

This gave you and Eren the opportunity to bond with Mikasa, Eren most especially since they go to school together. You notice how Eren’s red scarf was often worn by Mikasa, and you take note to buy her new clothes and Eren a new scarf.

Being a soldier and a mother at the same time was hard, especially since you were facing a promotion which meant more paperwork and harsher training. You had to push yourself to be the best so you’d have a higher salary for your children and to make sure that you’d be fully equipped to survive the expeditions coming quickly in your way.

You could always sleep in the assigned quarters the military has provided you but you always worry if Eren and Mikasa have eaten enough or have eaten too much, or if they got home safely. Plus, it was nice going home with someone waiting up for you.

Despite Eren being your biological son and Mikasa being Levi’s, the kids seemed to prefer the other parent. Eren would run charge towards Levi’s legs when he comes home for the weekends, climbing on him and just generally snuggling. Eren never had a father figure before and is generally curious about almost everything Levi does. He often bombards him with questions as soon as he gets home and though Levi tries to act annoyed, you notice how he never complains.

“Why do you only come home on the weekends?”

“Because I have a job somewhere else.”

“In the underground?”

“Yes.”

“Can I go with you?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“It’s dangerous.” Levi answered. “And disgusting.”

“But did you and Mikasa live there?”

“Yes.”

Mikasa would try to spend as much time with you as possible, but she wasn’t as explicit as Eren. She was more subtle in her crave of affection. She’s there when you prepare dinner and the first one to grab your hand on the rare occasion you pick them up from school.

One day, the kids got back from school to surprisingly find you in the kitchen and not at work.

“Hi mama!” Eren went to you with Mikasa hot on his trail. You gave both of them head pats. “Levi is upstairs, if you want to see him.”

“Dad is home? Already?” Eren asked excitedly, already ignoring you and making his way up.

You notice that Mikasa is still with you in the kitchen fidgeting with her hands, hiding herself in her scarf. You frown, suddenly worried about her behavior. You kneeled down to her height. “What’s wrong?”

She blushed, causing her face to be as red as the scarf wrapped around her neck. “Y/N...we’re having a parents day next week.”

“Yes, Eren mentioned.”

“...we...we talked about parents today.” Mikasa said, staring at you with her gray eyes. She took a deep breath and summoned her courage. “Eren said that Papa is going to his classroom and...and I know that I didn’t grow in your tummy like Eren did but Ms. Krause said that moms would cook for you and kiss your wounds and hug you when you feel sad and...and you do all of that! Could you come to my classroom instead, please, Y/N?”

This child...she was going to kill you with her words.

“Oh, my love,” you murmur, gathering Mikasa for a hug. Truth be told this was also a clever tactic so Mikasa wouldn’t see the tears gathering in your eyes. “I’d be honored.”

She pulled away immediately. “Really? You’d be my mama?”

You were bawling at this point, tears of relief and snot somehow mixing. Mikasa was crying quietly too, and you held her face with your palm, using your thumb to wipe her tears. “I’d love to.”

“Mama?” she tried saying. The words were unfamiliar on her tongue because she never had a mother before but Mikasa could get used to this.

“Yes?” you answer, giggling in happiness.

That night, as you lay in bed preparing to sleep, you couldn’t keep a smile off your face.

“What are you smiling for?” Levi asked, joining you in bed, smelling like soap.

“Mikasa asked me to be her mom.” You whisper.

“She called me her mom.” You say excitedly like it's some sort of secret.

“Is that why she was happy today? You’re making her soft.” Levi said. “But she needs you, I suppose.”

When parents day finally came, you arrived hand in hand with Mikasa as she led you to her classroom while Eren and Levi went the opposite way. There was a chorus of excitement and pride evident in Mikasa’s eyes. Phrases of “I never knew your mom was a soldier, Mikasa!”, “Whoa, that's your mom, Mikasa?”, and “She’s so cool!” echoed around the room. Mikasa didn’t mind any of them, content with your large hand engulfing her tiny one.

#levi #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi x reader #mikasa #mikasa ackerman #eren #eren jaeger

263 notes · View notes