#much so than any time before

[amiryllisthorn]

I kinda want to talk about this idiot for a bit. I obviously dont want to talk about Valkyra’s character toooooooooo much since a lot of what is up with her tm is a big part of the game’s narrative, but theres a bit of a different aspect I wanted to talk about.

Valkyra lisiri was a character that was really just an awfully written character. She was this too cool for school didnt need any friends hyper competent soldier who was actually written as a bit of a villain. One who would rather defend the status quo rather than actually try to change anything. It was edgy and over the top and just bleh.

So how did she become the main character in the game I am most focused on? Well what ended up happening is I had a lot of ideas for games at the time, and threw this one together as a bit of a throwaway project with these characters as that I didnt really care for anymore and the idea was to make something short and move on as a bit of a prequel to the thing I actually wanted to work on.

(this sprite is two years old now! but you can see that the general look is still similar)

Well that clearly didnt happen, because the more I worked on this short throw away project the more I thought about what I could actually do with these characters. What I could do to make this setting more mine and not just rip off of sci fi series I liked. And as I wrote more and more the more things changed and were altered  to the point where any of it is barely recognizable anymore-and I love that so MUCH! 

It was no longer a prelude for another game I was working on or this half assed setting but has become something that I am incredibly passionate about! I told my self that I would try to focus on smaller projects but I cant keep myself away from this thing and these characters.

(o7 mech game concept we hardly knew ye-the concept was being on the run as a mech mechanic for a mercenary company where the gameplay revolved around fixing mechs)

While work is going much slower than I would like, due to mostly personal reasons, I really am proud with how things are really starting to come together for this project. I didnt really start focusing actual attention on it till probably the past year or so.

I think part of why this project means so much to me, is that it has taken something from a part of my past self that I dont really like, and made it into I think something far more interesting, far more fun, more technically impressive, and just so much gayer. And these once throwaway characters of little regards, have really become the core focus of the project.

Valkyra  Lisiri went from this heartless action hero who could do anything, to a much more general person, struggling through life and trying her best, and often her best was not enough. Those actions of course having their own painful consequences, that shaped her into the character she now is.

Siane Vokir went from this really bitchy agent of the state to someone who at the drop of a hat gives up everything to fight fascism, someone who now has trouble dealing with her past and people in general, and just so many layers to her character.

The game has been so thoroughly ship of theseus’d that all that really remains of the first like year of work is just some characters  have the same name and maybe a similar appearance, and that is just a fascinating and exciting thing to work with!

(the very first concept drawn up for the game. You can also see the original design for siane)

Anyways this post has gotten a little bit all over the place, but I guess I wanted to share some of this project’s history. I dont talk about the actual details as much as I should whenever I post stuff, because I have a pretty hard time with a lot of this stuff sometimes! I wanted to make posts talking more about the setting and the characters but that kinda got uh forgotten.... well maybe I will get back to that at some point.

if you made it down this far thanks for reading! I really do want to talk about all of these things more, and have been working at it. Maybe ill try to do a weekly post talking about game stuff but no promises, my brain is bad so Ill just leave you with these two nerds.

#long post #project quiet rebirth #game dev #talkin about a lot of stuff #its a bit more rambly than I would like but this is mostly a post talking about my feelings and history of this #I have been really working on the script and sprites and am very happy with how things are looing #much so than any time before

[fluffyartbl0g]

Holy crap this is like world record breaking pace guys

Speedrun/Time Travel AU masterlist

#speedrun au #one piece #time travel au #op fanart #sabo #monkey d. luffy #portgas d. ace #asl brothers #time travel aus are my favourite trope for any fandom's fanfic #but this especially is why i want it for one piece #because I needed ace to die in canon. luffy NEEDED to get that wake up call and his whole crew NEEDED badly to get stronger #but ace is so much more than just a plot device for luffy... he was a person who was loved by so many people because #he made so many people happy #if luffy and his crew travelled back in time... they wouldn't need to worry anymore about their strength #Ace could live you know.... #He could meet sabo while he was an adult #sabo could meet ACE while he was an adult #ALSO SIDE NOTE BUT SABO ALSO REMEMBERS THE TIME TRAVEL SHENANIGANS!!! but def not as well as any of the strawhats #i think the thing he remembers most is what he felt when he regained his memories in the first timeline #u guys... this comic was so vivid in my mind i HAD to draw it out... like i was planning on doin other time travel au comics before #but like I HAD to draw this because i had such intense ASL feelings #I tried to think if Ace would just start cussing sabo out cause like WHY DID YOU LET US THING U WERE DEAD ; - ;??? WHY DIDNT U CONTACT US?? #but i think ace is really tired... like he's been worrying about luffy... and suddenly his brother starts uncharacteristically start #full out bawling in his arms... and he's really confused right now but both of his brothers are here and they're both crying #so there's really only one thing he can do #anyways i hope u enjoyed the comic #op spoilers #<- oops forgot to add that my b

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Assisting Acquaintance Acquired.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wen ning #wei wuxian #Ignore how Wen Ning's hair looks here because I messed it up. Let's pretend he just sported a different hair style for a brief moment. #I am not exactly great at consistency but I am trying very hard to work on that (immediately messes up again). #Absolutely *love* how Wen Ning clearly remembers and admires WWX...who does *not* recognize him. #This is the best day for Wen Ning and it means *nothing* to WWX. A painful one-sided crush made worse. #It is bittersweet to realize that we care about someone more than they care about us. Sometime we pour love into a relationship- #-with someone who just can't reciprocate. It isn't always a conscious things either. Some people just aren't aware we care. #And painfully - so painfully - You can't make them aware. No act of kindness or gift or self sacrifice will make someone care about you. #You can martyr yourself for someone and they will continue on unchanged. #I think a lot about the parallels between WN and LWJ. Not foils - just reflections. A theme repeated. #People who give so much of themselves to someone who doesn't have the capacity to give any part of themself away. #I will die on the hill of 'Wen Ning would be the love triangle romance if that trope wasn't being avoided'. #And to be honest - thank the stars above that is the case. I do not know any good love triangles in media. #We are skipping some of the sad Jiang Cheng content because I really want to finish season 2 before May. #Sorry JC emo moment lovers...I'll deliver another time.

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 198

Now Bruce was not expecting to reincarnate upon his death. At least he thinks he died, he’s pretty sure he did. There wasn’t any other reason for him to be a well, literal baby. Around two he thinks, which fits well with the fact that it’s around that time that babies start forming memory recall, if he, well, remembered correctly. 

But while he knew about reincarnation thanks to Shayera and Carter, he’d never exactly given it much thought towards himself. Because seriously, what were the chances of such a thing as him being given another chance? 

So he was quite surprised at his situation, experimentally opening and closing pudgy hands that looked well, just a tiny bit off. He’d never been that pale before, he thinks, even back when he never went outside like, ever. 

He turned his gaze towards the mobile above him with a sort of idle curiosity- a mixture of bats (ha) and other trinkets he wasn’t familiar with. It also caused him to get his first good look at his parent, asleep on a rocking chair right next to the crib. 

Huh. They had the same pale skin he did, albeit in the light it looked like it was slightly tinted blue, and while their hair was white they didn’t exactly look old. They looked surprisingly well rested for raising a toddler too, unless they had a nanny or something similar… He rolled over, managing to very shakily push himself to his feet with the help of the crib. 

Why was standing so hard as a toddler? And why did he have his memories of everything except how he had died anyway? 

His head whipped up from where they were staring at his feet when he heard a snort, finding his parent awake and standing. Somehow silently enough that he hadn’t noticed- or he was that easily distracted by the unfamiliar giddiness bursting in his chest. 

“Morning little bat,” his parent easily picked him up and held him while he inwardly sighed at the nickname. Of course his bat motif would follow him into this life. A low rumbling almost caused him to jump, his body relaxing before he could fully register the sound. The… purring? 

Oh. 

He wasn’t human this time around. 

#Dcxdp #Dpxdc #Prompts #Vlad is a young-adult dad to a reincarnated Bruce #After the hospital he drowned his despair/distress in any way he could & ended up with a baby boy #Bruce’s main suspected species of what they were was vampire before the ghost reveal lol #Bruce can’t say shit about Vlad’s thievery but he has the most judging expression for a toddler #Then he also sees his new dad develop and try to figure out powers #Vlad was terrified to pick him up when he first discovered his ghost fire #Yes this very much changes Vlad’s relationship with Danny #The reunion has 14 year old Danny meet a Very Smart 8 year old Bruce #Yes Bruce clocks teenage vigilante instantly #And look he Would try to get Vlad to stop the possession shit but as long as it’s actual assholes he can’t exactly judge #He blackmailed SO many people in his past life… he's trying Not to be a hypocrite here #Why yes Bruce IS very liminal from having a half-ghost dad #Vlad panicked more than he did when his fangs came in (Bruce has made a file about both himself & everyone he meets) #Just because he’s now baby doesn’t mean he’s no longer Bruce #At some point someone from his world might find their way to this one but that would be a very long time in the future lol #Vlad (unaware of his core being able to feel his ghostling’s big emotions): Wow raising a child is surprisingly easy

[why-the-heck-not]

20.12.23, wednesday

My main hobby is just procrastinating in any way I can. The plan was to make a cup of coffee and then start working. What actually happened is that I watched a 3 part video series (by james hoffmann ofc) on Aeropress coffee and made a few cups with different variables. Still not sure if I found The Recipe for me, but it’s getting better (tho I don’t love the coffee beans I have)

#altho i’m not sure I agree that inverted method is not worth the risks #maybe I just pour my water in too slow (bc I get nervous abt pouring too much) but there’s a fair bit of liquid that manages to get through #before I can place the vacuum on there #so I did it with inverted method #what I took from his recipe was the swirling instead of stirring and letting it rest for 30secs after to get a more even bed of coffee #I did 14g of coffee & 200g of water with a 5min brew -> swirl -> another 30seconds of letting it rest before pressing gentlyy for like 20-3 #seconds #but idk it’s a bit ’’one note’’ #which could be the beans #I have medium roast rn and I prefer light roast but the light roast beans have been no where to be found lately idk why #(there aren’t many actual light roast beans and the other ones are waay out of my budget) #(or at least good ones; there’s the one affordable light roast that’s everywhere but I don’t like it that much (but tbf should’ve still #bought that instead of these ones I got)) #like this is still way better than what the drip coffee of those beans are #and the achilles heel is that I don’t have a thermometer of any kind so my water temperature is guesswork every time #so tweaking variables is always a bit sketchy bc idk if I just had a better water temperature that time #studyblr #booklr #aesthetic #bookblr #books #study #reading #read #book #coffee #2023 #december 2023

[fear-no-mort]

favourite thing: his new habit of saying uhuh/mhm and also this

#the first time he did it in unmortricken i was like Fuck Yes and little did i know he would just keep doing it the whole time #DESPERATELY hoping they keep both of these things. i Love when characters have tiny little habits sprinkled in their actions #to me these things kinda sorta symbolise him no longer being afraid to really be himself #like he no longer has to hide certain things about himself that inside of the cfc wouldve made him appear ‘suspicious’ #since he IS like so much different than any other morty ever #also barely related but like. em is fundamentally such a good character bc everytime we see him he’s feeling something different #in his first appearance he was cold and distant because at the time he was new to being free and was strictly focused on his goal and wasn’ #even sure if it would work #in his second appearance he seemed hopeful and honest both of these things just being a trap to get the people of the citadel to trust him #and his old colder self unfurling near the end after he successfully becomes president #in his third appearance he seems giddy almost. he’s constantly giggling before and after sentences and he’s super eager to just Get The Hel #Out. and also to reveal the truth to morty prime. make it so that he doesn’t have to be the one to shoulder everything anymore. #and this fourth appearance. apart from a few little details he really just seems happy and comfortable. the entire episode he was just doin #whatever he wanted and nobody got in his way at all. and i could not be happier #normal about this character! #rick and morty #evil morty #rick and morty spoilers #odiespeak

[snekdood]

so uh

for 1. most people are gonna take advantage of black friday and wont see your specific niche tumblr post, I hate to say it

2. the us isnt running out of money for war any time soon, so...

3. this is just antisemitism???????? all we need is some (((echoes))) around the us and israel and then I'd have no reason to suspect otherwise from op...............

#why in tf do you think they care that much about getting your money rn and not before in any other war? #does it. mayhaps. have something to do w jewish people being involved now? #our tax dollars go to the govt regardless and has been for years and we already have an obscene amount of funding for military shit #preeetty sure they're not concerned about getting a couple hundred tumblr users money... #and also pretty sure one could only believe that if they're paranoid about jewish ppl................. #hard not to put two and two together and figure out op is prolly antisemitic and hopefully they just dont realize it #i say hopefully they dont realize it bc thats better than someone who knows and is pretending to be a leftist still. #if anything this pause happened bc its thanksgiving and biden doesnt wanna think about it over the holidays. thats p much it. #thats the only amount of conspiracy theory im willing to believe in this situation lmao. #but that ^ still assumes that biden has some sort of control over this that he really doesnt #and i dont think netanyahu cares that much about thanksgiving tbr... #it sounds more like to me that op is seeing this from a very american centric pov and assumes everyone celebrates thanksgiving #or cares enough about it to remember the dates.... i dont think this is as planned as op is making it out to be and any insinuation #that it IS planned sounds like conspiracy theory talk to me personally. i dont think biden is hittin netanyahu up and going #'hey thursday is thanksgiving and would be the perfect time to pause so we can (((get peoples money))) out of them #asiftheUSdoesnthaveplentyalready' like i just really dont think that convo is happening lmao.

[naturecalls111]

Me, consuming any other media ever: how can I make this about zosan

#nc111 talks #zosan #this is about me playing fe3h for the eighteen billionth time and finding little delusional concepts in sylvix that makes me go #'nod nod nod that's so zosan of them so true' #like objectively it really isn't zosan of them at all but sometimes I see it between the lines and I'm like oh zosan sunglasses emoji #if you dare me i can even find the lawlu in sylvix im so talented #I'm not even kidding if someone made a game out of turning things into zosan i would never lose #i had an ant infestation in my bathroom the other day and I made it about zosan #my brother was like WE HAVE BIGGER ISSUES THAN YOUR YAOI RIGHT NOW #like........ there is no bigger issue than my yaoi at any given moment.....ever.......... #whispers although I have to admit I enjoy the sylvix dynamic more than i do the zosa- *gets shot* #im so sorry there's just only so much bickering i can take before i'm like *smacks ship* I NEED YOU TO BE MORE BLATANTLY KIND TO EACH OTHER #In a way that doesn't feel so teeth-gritty or. well. OOC. LOL #Anyone who likes sylvix AND zosan will know what i mean I'm not going to explain it. iykyk #WAIT LMAO IM NOT DONE. EDIT: #when my first boyfriend broke up with me i was a melodramatic little shit about it #had a diary that i would like pour my heart into and the other day i came across it #and it's really telling that my first thought was “omg.... so zosan-” LIKE GIRL GET A GRIP YOU ARE DETACHING FROM REALITY #all for zosan CRIES ALL FOR ZOSAN...

[quadrantadvisor]

Alright new Jason Todd headcanons in a dpxdc setting:

Danny is a "liminal" ghost, rather than a "half" ghost. He's alive and dead at the same time. (He's like Jesus Christ (in the church denomination I grew up in), fully ghost and fully human.) Danny, in human form, can go through a ghost shield, because he IS a living human.

Jason, however, is a reanimated corpse. He isn't a ghost, wouldn't have a ghost core, etc, he has a normal human system that runs ON ectoplasm. Jason CANNOT go through a ghost shield, because he is always an ectoplasmic entity. Danny can go through the Fenton Ghost Catcher and be split into a ghost and a human; if Jason went through the ghost catcher, he would straight up die.

(For my purposes I'm gonna say that Jason became an ectoplasmic entity upon his resurrection, but wasn't very stable. Dunking in the Lazarus pit stabilized his system but also poisoned his ectoplasm.)

I do think that Jason could learn certain ghost abilities if he learned to harness his ectoplasm, especially if they detoxed him off the Lazarus waters. He's probably already enhancing his stealth and strength in ways he hasn't really noticed. I think he's held back by the amount of physical matter he's lugging around, so maybe he couldn't fly, but I'm imagining temporary invisibility, or intagibility of like, a limb at a time. Maybe he can't walk through walls, but in a fight he can dodge by instinctively making the targeted part of his body intangible.

#i saw someone call jason a 'revenant' in a fanfic once and that is juicy as hell so I'm stealing that- that's what he is in this au #Jason's ectoplasm does react to other ectoplasmic entities so they can sense eachother #but for ghosts he's fucking weird because he doesn't have a core for them to resonate with or w/e #danny would probably think that he's another halfa/liminal at first but the more time they spend together the more that doesn't add up #so I know that I'm trying to give Jason ghost powers but honestly this whole thing is kind of a bum deal for him #he gets all of a ghost's weaknesses and barely any of the benefits #honestly I'm conceptualizing this as more of a disability than a superpower #discovering that youre less alive than you thought you were and you're technically just a walking talking corpse running on supernatural goo #is fucked up and creepy and upsetting! #and it's something that he would have to come to terms with before he could start exploring what new opportunities it might give him #and i think that's really interesting #it's part of why I love messing with Jason in dpxdc stories so much #danny is fully ghost and fully human and he never feels like he fits in anywhere already #Jason is not quite human and not quite ghost so you can imagine how that would go for him #anyways i think they should be best friends and visit frostbite in the realms to make sure jason is healthy and also they should maybe kiss #and listen to the black parade together and talk about dying and stuff #danny fenton #jason todd #dp x dc #dpxdc #danny phantom #dc #batfam #my rambles

[sculkshrieking]

hope mumbo enjoys his new posters

#mumscar #redscape #scarbo #hermitshipping #fanart #my art #coloring takes too much energy rn so grays it is #can't think any harder than that #anyways is there something you'd like to share with the rest of the class mumbo #i tried drawing hotguy's sunglasses a total of three times before giving up <3

[genericpuff]

vent post

#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once” #i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO #anxiety is a hell of a thing #and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever #i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up #and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken #but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship #i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it #i am cringe and i am free #self post #vent post #altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read #too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll #i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made #i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol #i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim #i think both things can be true #i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like #while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium #“perfectly balanced as all things should be”

[only-god-canstopme]

aaron forgiving andrew for killing tilda when he has children of his own because he thinks that if she were around he never would’ve let her meet them.

(and if he didn’t want his children near her, or any children near her, that means that he, as a child, should’ve never been near her. and he gets what andrew did bc he would kill to keep these children safe too.)

#aftg #twinyards #aaron minyard #idk man i saw a tiktok and it got to me #this just makes sense to me #i think aaron must’ve felt a lot of self loathing and a lot of love with nowhere for it to go for so long in his life #that when he sees how vulnerable and precious his kids are it CLICKS #and he has somewhere for all that love that should’ve been for her that she never earned to go #and he thanks andrew for doing his best to keep him safe #and he understands eventually why it was the only option #why andrew didn’t trust cops or CPS #bc he had been burned too many times before and ANY amount of pain is too much pain for a child #and he looks at his children with such love and wonder and he doesn’t get how anyone could want to ruin something so perfect #how anything else could be more important than these children #ever #in other news it’s 2am my codine isn’t working and i wanted someone else to feel the pain i’m currently physically in <3

[veggiecorner]

I woke up within a cold sweat with this botw/totk zelink headcanon but i like to think Link actually proposed to Zelda but in an unplanned unofficial way. Like...a week after totk happens and they're having their first breakfast at Hateno (or maybe Akkala) and Zelda's rambling about how she's sad she never recorded ancient food recipes she's tried at her time in the past and Link just stops her and goes "hey...do you want to get married?"

Zelda's visibly like ??? huh??? and he repeats it. She's a lil spooked cause where is this coming from. Also she's dense so she says "well...I've...assumed I'll be married sometime in the future..." not connecting that he's literally proposing to her and he smiles so sweetly at her and says "I mean with me. Will you want to marry me?" And he steps over to her side of the table and finally gets on one knee.

#he doesn't have a ring but that'll come eventually! trust... #oh yeah since no one asked: the ring he brings does have the light dragons scales #its like the main point of the ring #anyways when he gets down on one knee he has this whole speech about how he thought he lost her #and knew more than ever he did not want to spend any time away from her #ALSO ANOTHER HEADCANON OF MINE zelda and link definitely were dating for a while before totk #and a close friends know (like Sidon..Impa...Riju...etc) #and someone mentioned to link that hey if you make this relationship serious with zelda down the line you'll be king #and link was freaked out by that idea #anyways thats another story for later #BUT NOW in this proposal he no longer cares #he just wants to be with her #publically now #and wants to call her his wife #okay tags over SORRY AHSDBKAJ THERES SO MUCH BYE #botw #post botw pre totk #totk #zelink

[tswwwit]

When bill sees thru an eye does he switch from one to another like channels or can he see thru all of them at once and pick on which one he wants to focus on?

He can see through multiple eyes at once, though probably not ALL of his eyes at once. There's simply too many around to spread himself that thin! And of the ones he's currently using, he'll only pick a few to really focus on.

#answers #Imagine a massive wall of screens all showing different views #With Bill chilling in a recliner watching the shows #Probably only a few dozen to a couple hundred are 'active' at any time #Any more than that and it's just cluttered #His intellect is huge and his available working memory and attention are vaster than a human's #But a guy can only juggle so much before he starts dropping all the balls #There's probably a bunch that he's 'seeing' through that he's simply not paying attention to #Still nice to have them in the periphery in case something cool DOES happen and catches his eye #Like a gristly murder or some hot gossip #And there's a bunch of 'channels' that simply haven't been flipped to in ages #Not much to see in the the deep void of space or buried under the earth or at the bottom of the more boring part of the ocean #In the Cult incarnation Bill somehow missed all the ones in Dipper's cult #Whether that's because of magical reasons or simple obliviousness? The world shall have to guess for now

[quietwingsinthesky]

journey’s end au where the doctor tries to kick everyone off the TARDIS and they just go, ‘???? no?’ and won’t leave. can’t be stupid and think everyone will leave you when they won’t get out of your house.

#the doctor is simultaneously so happy about this and SO annoyed. get out of his house!!! this is his tardis!!!! #(tentoo voice) OUR tardis. (doctor voice) MY TARDIS!!!!! #rose and martha and donna and jack are literally having a girls night in the same room as this argument #sarah jane was invited but did not join them. autisms. #however mickey and her have been bonding and the doctor feels so betrayed. sarah jane is supposed to be on his side!!! #can’t even complain to the metal dog. k-9 is still busy. #(sarah jane voice) oh i should invite luke and his friends- (doctor voice) NO CHILDREN ON MY SHIP #((tentoo voice. from the other room.) OUR ship) #jack manages to sneak ianto and gwen on board before sarah jane gets the bannerman gang in simply because torchwood is easier wrangled than #literal children (not saying much) #how does gwen manage to sneak rhys on that one time? no one’s really sure. he didn’t stay on very long but it was long enough for jack to #lose a bet. #i think only jackie leaves but NOT before she and tentoo and rose have established interdimensional facetime so that she can phone her #daughter and her son-in-law and her guy-who-her-son-in-law-is-cloned-from #(doctor voice) donna i need to erase ur memories ur brain will explode otherwise (rose from across the room) hey didnt i absorb something #that would explode my brain once. i still have my memories. (donna voice) YEAH DOCTOR CARE TO EXPLAIN THAT???? #donna metacrisis is solved because jack says ‘fuck it let me eat the metacrisis somehow it probably wont kill me’ and then he glows for like #a week but he’s fine. #he is literally never getting rid of any of them. get found family-ed idiot #(god wait funniest fucking thing if end of time happens here and the master’s plans are completely derailed because he gets tackled by seven #different companions. kicking him while he’s on the ground while the doctor goes D:) #doctor who #tardis family au

[moeblob]

You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)

#moe talks a lot #i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry #and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds #LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO #shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds #BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER #i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up #i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong #after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before #YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain #oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older #and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds #holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang #sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat #but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like #welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant #anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain #im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake #but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry #anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering