#meanwhile everyone’s like Bruce | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

geraldmariaivo · 10 months

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Not sure if this is a thing already, but…what if Danny gets unofficially adopted by Batman, and he’s ok with that?

It’d probably be post reveal-gone-wrong or something, but i could also see it just being Jack and Maddie taking the family on trip to Gotham for the summer. Tbh my favorite version of this is within the first full year of him being Phantom, so he’s still getting new powers and stuff every now and then, and hasn’t really gotten all this vigilante stuff down to a science yet. Either way, Danny is trying to stay under the bats’ radar, (and also avoid his friends’ jokes about being adopted by Bruce Wayne becoming reality) but, well..

Danny “what even is my luck” Fenton can’t seem to keep out of the weird shit that happens in Gotham, and doesn’t realize that slipping out of the rogue’s traps isn’t something normal enough to be unnoticed by the bats. Maybe it’s the aftermath of a Scarecrow fight, and Danny stayed intangible for as long as he could, probably occasionally dropping it every now and then because he’s not really thinking, and it takes effort to be intangible like that. Either way, Batman eventually comes upon him while distributing the antivenom or whatever for the fear gas, and comes across this meta child who’s kinda aware, but seems to keep density shifting and makes it impossible to give the cure to, in the way that someone who’s afraid of needles might squirm when they’re getting a shot.

So he just sort of sits there and holds out his arm, and eventually the kid catches on. He grabs on and grips as hard as he can. Batman, slowly, broadcasting his movements, takes his other hand, and puts it to his own chest. He breathes in, holds, and breathes out. In, hold, out. It only takes the kid a minute or two of the kid copying his breathing to calm down enough to thank him, likely due to a boosted metabolism or some other mechanism for his body to deal with toxins. It took another second for the kid to visibly realize that Batman saw him go intangible, and quickly rush out “please don’t tell anyone Mr. Batman”s and “I know there’s a no-meta rule in Gotham, but I’m not staying here full-time.”

Batman just silently nods.

Much to both of their dismay, this keeps happening. Poison Ivy attacks? Danny is there, getting people unstuck from vines or sap or whatever she used to trap them because he can’t not help when he’s right there. Mad Hatter is mind-controlling people? Overshadow him into disabling it, or just fuck with the electronics invisibly.

Riddler is on the attack? Just wiggle in your ropes while his henchmen are setting things up, so as to make it look like you’re really skilled at escaping instead of becoming intangible. Might as well “untie” your fellow hostages, knock out a few henchmen while you’re at it.

These things keep happening, and Danny is actually feeling refreshed. He’s not doing most of the work here, the bats are. He’s just helping out on the side, is all. He’s not waking up at night to fight someone all the time, the bats already have nightshift covered to hell and back. And while constantly coming across Batman isn’t exactly ideal, the man hasn’t tried to drive him out of the city, which is probably as close to a “you can stay” as he’ll ever get, considering that the man hasn’t said so much as a word to him.

Danny’s also pretty sure that the man wouldn’t give him food every time they encounter each other if he wasn’t ok with him. And holy shit, isn’t that something? Edible food that isn’t fudge from an adult with no obligation to him.

Meanwhile, on Bruce’s side, this random meta kid just keeps on showing up at nearly every other rogue attack. Sure it’s been a slow week, but this is ridiculous. He also needs to restock on nutrient bars. They’re don’t taste the best, but between Red Robin forgetting to eat before he hits the rooftops, and the rampant child hunger in many of the poorer areas (he needs to look into his funds for school breakfast and lunch programs again, see if there’s some more wiggle room he can work with), he keeps several on him, just in case.

And if the speed the meta kid seemed to process Crane’s fear gas was any indication, he probably wasn’t eating enough for his boosted metabolism. So he kept a few more on him.

One time, he came in a bit too late, and caught the tail end of the kid bashing Condiment King in the face, -no powers, just a metal folding chair- while griping about how the man had ruined his lunch, and how now he had to eat at home and he was tired and didn’t want to fight his lunch today, because he’s had to do it for the last two days. And then (sloppily) kicking him in the ribs. Of course he had to come in to end the fight, but more than he was concerned about Condiment King, he was worried about the kid. Fighting took energy that the kid was having a hard time replacing as it was, and what’s worse is that the kid’s parents seem to make him hunt his own food. And there aren’t many animals in Gotham other than stray cats, raccoons, and rats. Danny, naturally, is surprised when, instead of being scolded for fighting a rogue on his turf, Batman gives him a handful of those not-granola bars, and two hundred dollars cash. He also wasn’t expecting Batman’s first words to him to be “Go to the corner of Pacific Circle and Evergreen boulevard, they have more nutrient bars for metas there,” but he’ll take what he can get.

And the pat on the head was nice. It was soft, and he saw it coming, and it didn’t knock the wind out of his lungs like his dad’s hugs and back-slaps did. It was nice, and no, Jazz, he was not forming a parasocial relationship with Batman of all people. He was just someone who gave him food and cash, that’s it. It still felt really nice for someone to care about what he needed to eat, though.

He does go to the specified store and get a bunch of different nutrient bars, and makes sure to store them where they won’t come to life. It helps more than he thought it would.

As is her duty, Babs teases the hell out of Bruce for being soft on this one random black-haired, blue-eyed meta kid. You gave him a head pat. A head pat, Bruce. Try not to break out the bat-adoption papers.

#DPxDC #I’m not very good at writing down my ideas #but like #y’all see where I’m going right?#anyway #i just really like the idea of Danny being unofficially adopted by Bruce #and also incredibly oblivious to both this and the fact that he’s mentally adopted Batman as his second dad #meanwhile everyone’s like Bruce #No #he already has parents #and a sister

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feyburner · 7 days

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🥹 maybe some Steph and Timmmy next? Steph giving Tim a piggy back ride for example?

Stephanie “He said he wanted to come along, it’s not MY job to say no” Brown

#bruce and jason are the only ones with reasonable concepts of child endangerment #they’re having 45 nervous breakdowns per day meanwhile everyone else is like Child endangerment? why that’s just tradition!#jason is so uncomfortable relating to bruce this hard #he’s like yeah. ok. i get it now. you can tell them no all you want but those things can really move.#dc #droring #stephanie brown #tim drake #timmy au

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bbbbbbbbatman · 9 months

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Some random superheroes debating whether or not Batman fucks: I mean there's no way Batman fucks, right? Man definitely doesn't fuck

Dick, who walked in on Bruce and Harvey together back when he was first adopted: -_-

Jason, who definitely heard one too many of Talia's stories about Bruce: -_-

Tim, who heard him with Selina after Bruce forgot to turn off his coms once: -_-

Damian, who recently had sex ed and knows exactly where he came from: -_-

Cass, who reads body language perfectly and while has never caught him in the act, has def seen him looking around: -_-

Steph, who accidentally saw some lewd messages when she stole his phone for a prank: -_-

Duke, who found out exactly what Bruce's penthouse is for in an unfortunate accident: -_-

Barbara, who has caught Bruce in inappropriate positions on security cams way too many times: -_-

#nobody outside of gotham thinks batman fucks #like he's so uptight and straightlaced #he's too busy with Justice (TM) to have time to fuck #meanwhile everyone in gotham /knows/#batman #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #damian wayne #cassandra cain #stephanie brown #duke thomas #barbara gordon #mine

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frownyalfred · 2 years

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do you think Bruce overuses the “oh please, Mr. Wayne was my father” joke at galas just to make people uncomfortable

#I 100% believe he does #‘oh please mr wayne was my father’ 🥺🥺🥺👀👀👀#meanwhile the whole cocktail party goes silent because Bruce is like 30 and reminding everyone his dad is dead for the 50th time today #and it’s hilarious every time #bruce wayne #batman #dc #batdad #Thomas wayne

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alexandthensome · 1 year

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I feel like Danny has a really specific relationship with everyone in the BatFam that culminates in very different ways

Like Danny and Tim would have a lot in common based on the fact that 1.) their parents are kinda weird and 2.) they don’t tell anyone about anything until it comes up out of nowhere

Like one day while Danny was watching TV with Dick, Jason, and Tim, Tim mentions something about The Joker being hospitalized before getting sent back to Arkham Asylum.

Danny without missing a beat goes

“Oh please he’ll be fine, I almost got killed fighting my future self once and look at me, I’m great now.”

Everyone except Tim stops what they’re doing because they’re trying to comprehend the sentence they just heard

Dick replies, “Im sorry, you did what?”

And Tim who has also been traumatized enough times that he needs a punch card replies

“Oh, that’s nothing. This one time I had injuries that were so bad I had to get my spleen removed.”

Dick, fully losing his composure screams at Tim “I’m sorry, YOU DID WHAT!!!”

Danny replies “Dude, that’s so metal.”

Jason is busy doing mental gymnastics trying to figure out how none of them figured this out yet and he just goes

“When did you have the time to lose your spleen??”

Which prompts Tim (who is still unfazed at this point) to recant the entire situation that led to this and then he finishes his story like

“And now I have no spleen and no immune system. 🙂”

And poor Jason and Dick who are genuinely never on the same wavelength both yell

“YOU DONT HAVE AN IMMUNE SYSTEM?!?!?”

Meanwhile Danny is just sitting here watching this whole thing go down and just goes

“God I love this family, they’re just as crazy as mine.”

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starship-buccaneer · 7 months

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Steve: Well yeah, Eddie flirts with me constantly and touches me all the time and I do it back and everything, but we're just two guys horsin' around, y'know?

Everyone: No Steve. We do not know.

Steve: Yeah, Eddie's fruity with me, so what? Just because I'm a guy and he likes guys doesn't automatically mean he's into me. He's just comfortable being himself with me!

Everyone: Steve. He's sitting in your lap, playing with your hair. He calls you pretty boy, Steve. He's wearing your sweater, Steve. Steve, please.

#steddie #this is essentially the plot of the fic im writing #steve has-never-had-a-healthy-male- friendship harrington assumes that his friendship with eddie is what good normal male frienship is #everyone else watches on in abject misery as steves obliviousness reaches unbelievable new heights #steve briefly wonders where his interest in pursuing a romantic relationship has gone #then immediately comes to the wrong conclusion that he's simply transcended romance through the power of friendship #meanwhile eddie is tragically pining after a man who could not act more like his boyfriend but is tragically stupid #robin has become the conspiracy board meme from its always sunny #her board has IS STEVE BISEXUAL in big bold serial killer cutout letters on it. theres red string connecting pictures of him and eddie #and also him and bruce springsteen #its all very scientific #dustin and max add to it sometimes #steve harrington #eddie munson #steve harrington x eddie munson #stranger things

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aviolettrose · 1 month

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I feel like, if Jason was ever de-aged, Bruce wouldn't leave his side and be the best dad ever for him (he sees it as a second chance)

#jason todd #batfam #bruce wayne #dick grayson #the batkids would definitely be jealous #tf you mean Bruce can be a good dad?!#bruce: of course we can spend time together son😊🥰#dick: see that's why i hated to visit back then #tim: I think I never saw bruce smiling like that when I was Robin #Damian: tt #also Damian: does father even love me? *identity crisis*#Barbara: yeah seems about right #alfred being Jason's favorite makes bruce jealous #Bruce: Heeeeeey Alfie. Wanna visit Great Britain? You know you deserve it #alfred: only if master todd comes with me #bruce: fuuu #jason: vacation? in Great Britain? Isn't it too expensive?#Bruce: I'll buy you anything you want even if it makes me poor because its gonna be worth it to see you smile #that's how Jason alfred and bruce went to london without the others #when jason is older again he wonders how it is possible that he has those memories of being young but having more siblings #bruce: idk what you mean? it was always just you and dick back then.#jason: then how come i have a memory where damian tries to kill because Alfred the cat slept in my room instead of his?!#bruce: idk bad dream?#meanwhile Alfred shows everyone the cute pictures he took of jason in London #duke is baby jays favorite

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tastycitrus · 6 months

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youtube

i want to see a scene like this but with the modern bat-family. i want everyone to basically go off on their own insane tangents, yet somehow they're all right on the money with their deductions and come to the same conclusion

just using the comments on the video:

Jason: It's a chilling thought—wait, chilling? Mr. Freeze! Tim: And it happened at 2pm—Two-Face! Steph: This is getting so complicated, it'd take an Ivy League professor to figure this one out. Wait a minute, IVY League?! Poison Ivy! Cass: The dots are connecting…wait, dots? Polka-Dot Man! Dick: Holy evil combinations, Batman. So many villains, it's like an evil sandwich! Duke: And a sandwich usually has condiments… Dick and Duke: The Condiment King! Damian: Why are there so many villains involved? All of this seems strange…like Hugo Strange! Barbara: This team-up would be the bane of Gotham…wait a minute. Bane! Bruce: Quick, everyone—we must race to the Batcave! Dick: Wait, race? Everyone: RA'S AL GHUL???

#batman #batfamily #bruce wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #damian wayne #duke thomas #barbara gordon #Youtube #meanwhile any other hero listens to their deductions for a hot minute and goes ''how the hell are you reaching any of these conclusions''#and then it turns out they were exactly right and it's just like. what. how the hell were they right???#family of the world's greatest detectives everyone

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taw-k · 11 days

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My life will never be complete until I see more Bruce and Loki interactions.

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trekkele · 5 months

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Oh? You like [popular ship]? Which one is always making "unecessary boundaries" and is "emotionally incompetent" and which one is always stomping over those boundaries in the name of "emotional competence"?

#hi expressing boundaries is not emotional incompetence be so fucking for real rn #like yes this is about superbat specifically but it happens so often!!! with ships!!!!#bruce saying 'no I do not want a relationship' and then being pushed and pushed by the narrative isn't a fun little thing #its fucking annoying #if I had a crush on someone and they repeatedly ignored my boundaries to talk about it I would probably not have a crush on them anymore lma #the funniest thing is how canon Bruce is a HUGE romantic #man is ready to fall in love at the drop of a hat #he won't act on those feelings without the other person expressing interest because he is self aware about being a train wreck #meanwhile Clark has told one person his identity and then immediately married her #id love a fic where Clark pushes and pushes past Bruce's boundaries and everyone else points out how rude that is dude #playboy therapy does this actually it's great

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allgremlinart · 1 year

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the blorbo slider is like... its a spectrum. sometimes with blorbo I laugh when they cry and other times I am ruined I am inconsolable when they cry I need to make them soup

#reading Blue Beetle 2006 and WAAHHG JAIMIE... LIL GUY.. DONT CRY...#meanwhile with Bruce its like. haha his life is crumbling around him everyone point and laugh

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asteriskemily · 1 year

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Monster High x Batman Prompt #2:

(Well, someone has to get adopted)

Frankie is in Gotham for…. Reasons, and they get somehow end up kidnapped by the Joker. After being blindfolded, stuffed into the back of a van, and dragged into a creepy (and not in a good way) abandoned warehouse, the Joker’s goons strap them into an electric chair.

At first, Frankie’s almost having fun, sure these normies seem a little weird, but maybe clown makeup is just really popular around here. Plus, these electric shocks are actually kinda nice, sorta like chugging 20 five hour energies.

The Joker on the other hand, is not have fun. The kid his goons picked up to lure in Batman, isn’t playing along. They keep giggling every time he electrocutes them. He’s losing patience quickly, raising the voltage higher and higher hoping to get some reaction other than joy

Unfortunately for Frankie, there is such thing as too much of a good thing. As the voltage rises, they suddenly feel a shock go straight through their brain. They scream in pain before their body gives out and they fall unconscious.

When Batman finds the Joker, he’s laughing, standing over a unconscious teenager strapped into a torture device. He makes quick work of incapacitating and restraining the mad man, before turning all focus on the kid.

Their skin is discolored, and their hair (black with streaks of white and blue) stands on end. Their body is covered in stitches and scars, and their prosthetic leg is covered in stickers and doodles, one of which reads ‘Frankie,’ so he guesses that must be their name. Their chest is still rising and falling, and even though their heart beat is faint, he can still feel it. Batman breaths a sigh of relief.

The kid (maybe, probably Frankie) comes to as he’s working on removing the straps that are trapping them in the chair. They immediately jolt upright and ask where they are

Frankie is incredibly confused. As it turned out, receiving XX Volts directly to the brain served as a factory reset of sorts, leaving them with no memory of the (un)life that they’ve lived up to that point.

Bruce talks Frankie through the situation, telling them how they were captured and how they’re safe now. His heart clenches when they tell him that they can’t seem to remember anything. It’s then that notices their eyes. Heterochromia, he notes somewhere in the back of his brain. One eye was green, and the other… their other eye was blue.

#Bruce looking at this child like ‘clearly you’ve been through so much I’m gonna do everything in my power to help you’#meanwhile the ghouls are all back at monster high like ‘oh no we lost Frankie’#everyone is searching for them and they find out that living with this normie man and go ‘he kidnapped them we have rescue them’#but Frankie is just very happily living with their new dad absolutely clueless #monster high #monster high dolls #frankie stein #monster high frankie #dc comics #Batman #batfam #dc batman #bruce wayne #the joker #dc joker #dc crossover #monster high x dc #I honestly have a frankly concerning number of ideas for this crossover

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danny-chase · 1 year

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I'm kind of obsessed with how Dick as a teenager needed independence and more freedom, and Roy had that independence but it wasn't good for him/he didn't seem to want it

#like i just think of that panel in the Arsenal mini series where Roy is just like whats wrong with me why does everyone leave me #meanwhile Dick is like 'you're stifling me' at Bruce and is tired of him being in his life

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autisticcassandracain · 1 year

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is it just me or is batman like. significantly more tolerable outside of gotham comics than in

#my laptop's still letting me use tumblr without major issues and i'll make that everyone else's problem #anyway. i'm not saying batman outside of gotham is never insufferable to read bc he absolutely can be #when they write him like a gary sue and pretend that he's the most powerful member of a justice league that includes you know #superman and wonder woman #but also from the admittedly limited justice league comics i've read so far as well as the cameos i've seen of bats in other comics #he's just like. 200% more likeable #this post is about wonder woman issue 293 btw #he's out there doing a group hug without major blackmail and not protesting when clark announces bats and he both love diana #he's also engaging in casual conversation and treating clark and diana as on equal footing with him #and he didn't even have to go through a 12 issue arc or have an emotional breakdown about any of it #it's like. gotham comics are almost 100% guaranteed to work their reality around him and make sure you know he's the bestest ever #and all the energy goes towards making him grim and serious and traumatized while also being cool in an action figure kinda way #meanwhile a lot of comics outside of gotham go more like. hey this is bruce. he's a cool superhero who's really smart and competent #he's also kind of a loser who takes himself way too seriously and like maybe two people in this building like him #and the rest are not afraid to make fun of him either to his face or the moment he turns around #i know this is not the case for all comics and there's still a very very good chunk of them that make him the Coolest Boy Ever #but like. even just. seeing him treat other people as being on equal footing with him or even better than him #just makes him SO much more tolerable #like tower of babel or whatever that arc was called had a bunch of rlly dumb takes on how bruce could 'outplay' the justice league #but like. bruce still treated the rest of the justice league as on his level or better. it's why he bothered to MAKE those plans #you just don't rlly get that in gotham. the closest we get is if nightwing shows up bc then we might get an 'oh he's the best of us'#inner monolgue about how proud bruce is of dick. sometimes we'll get an inner monolgue about the other heroes too #but those monologues are the exception not the rule and they are almost never said out loud to anyone #and if they ARE it's only after an arc of bruce being a fucking ass as an apology and it's. insufferable.#idk maybe it's just bc i read more batman comics than justice league comics but still.#bruce is usually just. SO much more likeable in basically any comic not set in gotham to me #i bet if you made him spend a few weeks in metropolis or something his mental health issues would go away actually #he's just vitamin d deficient and it's making him cranky #my posts #bruce wayne

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t4tbruharvey · 1 year

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📗 👀

when oh when will i have the motivation to write my trans bruce banner thesis fic wherein rick immediately clocks him as an egg but doesn't say anything because bruce is kind of going through it rn

#they go on a little road trip across the desert and then they get picked up by the military #and betty takes rick back to her flat after telling bruce he's selfish for letting rick come this far with him (she's right)#and then bruce goes on the run from the military (again) after escaping and the stuff happens with jen to make her she hulk #and rick (who's been tracking disturbances of this kind in order to find bruce) sees this on the news and asks betty to come w him #so they go to minnesota and find out that it's not actually bruce it's jen! and betty and jen have their mini gay arc #where betty already knows she's gay and feels neutral on jen and jen thinks she's stright but is going insane for betty #and rick gets like a semblance of a normalish life w betty except betty has a lot of issues from her childhood e.g. her mum dying #and then rick #meanwhile bruce has been joining the avengers and thinking steve is being transphobic #he's not. steve is also trans he just doesn't like bruce as a person #and then rick breaks into the avengers compound when bruce is off world with thor (ragnarok era) and yells at steve and tony <3 #and rick becomes steve's sidekick as he did in the comics #and then bruce returns! family reuinion!#reunion. whatever #and everyone learns the power of community and also tony dies #sequel fic dealing with rick's INSANE jealousy when peter joins bc HE should be the youngest coolest trans guy there #what do you MEAN he isn't the baby anymore. that he isn't the most funny and interesting and smart (in his own way) transmasc.#what the HELL everyone is meant to be on his SIDE #bruce voice (without looking up from his work) nobody's taking sides rick be a bit more mature about this #rick voice MATURE???? HE HAS ACTUAL SKILLS IM WORTHLESS AND EVERYONE IS THINKING IT WOE IS ME ET CETERA #sorry lois this really got away from me

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wings-of-angels · 1 year

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Sorry to the show titans,,, but gona be honest I was much more invested in that one Bruce-goes-bad hallucination Dick had than whatevers going on with Rachel and her dad

#sorry im an annoying batman stan hes my special interest 😔😔#the stakes were so much higher tho like....#oh nooo Rachels dad is back but ik thats shes gona stop him eventually and the world wont rlly end #meanwhile BRUCE FUCKING MASSACRED EVERYONE WHAT THE FUCK #hate seeing batman be brutal actually that makes me so upset #max's rambles #but it was more exciting even if i hated it

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