#me @ myself when I was supposed to go to bed early but I'm busy planning a new fic
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The goodie bag series - Min Yoongi
Pairing: Yoongi x fem reader
Word count: 2.4 k words
Warnings: Trigger warning, attempted kidnapping, attempted assault, a fight.
A/n: I fought with myself a long time about if I wanted to post this after I wrote it, but then decided, fuck it, I'll take my chances.
Tagging: @parkdatjimin @themochiverse and my yoonmin anon.
Read the other members here.
୧| ͡ᵔ ﹏ ͡ᵔ |୨~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Yoonie, come home for dinner today?" You peeked out of your bedroom where you were still getting changed as Yoongi grabbed a mouthful of oats and grabbed his laptop bag and hurried to the door, but stopped as soon as you called out. He took two long strides and was in front of you, pressing a chaste kiss to your temples, " I won't make any promises honey, you know I'm busy."
You nodded against his lips, "Try?" You mumbled.
"Mhm, I'll try. Have a good day!" He was already moving again and you regarded him with a tight smile as the door closed behind him.
You stood there for a minute before turning back to the task at hand, getting ready to go to work yourself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'I won't make it to dinner, love. Don't wait up for me.'
His text pulled you out of the stream of paperwork you were going through. You blinked disappointedly at the screen for a moment before going back to the floor plan you were designing, a strange bitterness in your stomach.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The bed dipped behind you and the familiar scent of Yoongi's perfume and his deep grunt as he flung himself on the pillows alerted you that he was back. Your lashes fluttered and you hummed, turning over and cuddling into his side.
"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you. How was your day?" His tone sounded oh so tired.
"Good. Did you eat?" You were still half asleep.
"No, I had a late lunch. Im not very hungry, let's just sleep?" And you knew, with the way his words drawled out, that he needed sleep more than anything.
And God knows, you needed it too, so you hummed in agreement and soon enough, both your breaths evened out, holding onto each other.
Until he started coming home so late and leaving so early that the only indication of his presence in your shared space was the occasional damp towel left in the bathroom, the rumpled sheets on his half of the bed and the single dirty dish in the sink in the morning.
He still texted you though.
'Good morning my love. You looked too peaceful to wake up. I had early practice and lots of writing to do. I'll see you in the evening. '
And then as evening approached, 'Babe, I'm caught up. Please don't wait up for me. I'm so sorry. '
And he was sincerely sorry. You knew. You knew your husband, and you also knew that when he slipped into the Producer Min headspace, there wasn't much you could do except wait it out till the days he'd pick you up from work and both of you'd drive home humming to songs together, returned.
And you had your own work right? Yeah, you had loads of paperwork to go through, so many plans to approve and so many meetings to attend.
Then why was it that when you leaned back in your chair, looking at the clock that showed that two hours had passed since you were supposed to clock out, and one of the more high profile client's plans pulled up on your computer, your heart felt like someone was squeezing it so tight?
You missed Yoongi. You always missed Yoongi, and whenever something like this happened, you'd voice it to him, and flawed as he was human, Yoongi had a way of turning on you for being too immature and needy sometimes.
And you had promised yourself that you'd not let an argument like that happen this time.
Thus, true to yourself, you picked some chicken from one of his favorite fried food places and headed to his company.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This was stupid, why was your heart hammering so hard? This was your husband for god's sake. You entered the password to his studio in the keypad and as the door beeped open, you pulled the door, bracing yourself.
But his wide eyes and slight pout told you everything was okay.
For now.
His smile was just as bright as it had always been. His kisses were just as sweet as you wanted. His whispered "I missed you so much" echoed what your own heart was screaming, and you were happy.
And so was he.
Which is why when you stretched out on the couch after the staff had collected all the trash, leaving you both to your devices, Yoongi had only fondly rolled his eyes and tucked you under his own jacket, as he went back to work and you dozed off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That first night in the studio turned into an almost daily ritual.
For four days.
Which seemed fair, because you had gone without the man for a whole week. And you were confident that this time around, you might make it out of this spell without an argument.
But things always had a way of going downhill didn't they?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yoongi didn't mind you hanging out in the studio. It was his habitat, and you were his wife. If anything, you were the one he loved having there more than anyone. But he had noticed the way you grimaced and grabbed your shoulders when you woke up, the way your neck bent at all the wrong angles on his couch, and how the dark circles under your eyes turned darker.
He felt guilty.
And he hated feeling that way.
"Babe, go home." He urged you, adamant in front of him.
"No. I'm fine here, trust me." Ah, you had that look on your face. The look that was more of a challenge, as usual. A look that told him you'd be stubborn on this.
"You're uncomfortable here, don't lie to me. Go home, it's alright, you don't have to stay with me." God, he hated feeling guilty.
"I want to though."
"You want to go to the chiropractor for your neck coz you're too damn stubborn for your own good?" Yoongi raised an eyebrow.
"I want to stay with you coz I hate sleeping without you." You lowered your voice slightly, "You know that."
"Don't be such a child y/n, it's not like I don't come home"
There he went, your heartbeat increased. This wasn't happening. Hadn't you promised yourself?
" It's n-"
"Please go home, I'm wasting time as it is." He grunted and turned back, clearly done with the conversation as his hands reached for his headphones.
"I hate sleeping alone Yoongi, why would you make me sleep alone when I'm fine here?" You demanded.
You got no response, a faint sound of instruments came from his headphones.
Tears pricked your eyes. Yoongi could be an ass when he wanted to.
You sat there for a few minutes, before convincing yourself it wasn't worth getting into another fight if he turned around and still found you there. You heaved a shaky breath and gathered your stuff, leaving the building and heading to the bus stop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God, fall nights in Seoul got so chilly so soon. You hugged your sweater closer to you and walked towards your home purposefully, the anger at a certain producer dissipating in the cool air.
Not long after, you realized there was more than one echo of footsteps coming to you. You focused on the sound, trying not to be paranoid. Maybe it was just the way the street was. There wasn't someone following you, was there?
Was there? You tilted your head slightly to the side.
There most definitely was.
Your heart hammered. Shit shit shittt. You transferred your house keys to your dominant hand and stuck the sharp edge out of your fist and quickened your steps.
You were almost home, it was okay.
And then the second pair of footsteps vanished.
Phew, it was probably just someone else going home from work. Paranoia really did take the best of your mind some days.
You heaved a sigh of relief and smiled softly.
Too soon.
You collided into a man in a long black coat who had just come out of the alley in front of you. His firm hands grabbed onto your waist, and one immediately made it's way lower over your hips.
You blanched and tried to pull away.
"Hello, pretty. What are you doing out at this hour?"
His voice was raspy and his breath reeked of alcohol. You struggled harder.
"Let go!" You snapped.
"Feisty little thing aren't you? Good, I like em feisty." He grinned, clearly drunk out of his mind and made to grab you off your feet, fitting both hands under your ass and lifting you up.
You screamed in terror and jabbed at his face with the key you had.
Immediately he was dropping you, "You little cunt! What the fuck was that for?" He yelled.
But you were already swift on your feet, running in the opposite direction as fast as your legs would carry you. All you could think of was that he could not know where you lived.
You zoomed onto the main street, still hearing his thundering curses and footsteps behind you, and thanked everything holy at the 7-eleven in front of you.
"Please, help me. There's a man outside, he-" you gasped at the ahjussi behind the counter who had risen from his seat in surprise.
He was quick to catch on, leaping from behind the counter and looking around outside. But the bastard had left.
The old man turned back to you with kind eyes, concerned at the state you were in, pale and trembling like a leaf.
"He's gone child, he's gone."
"A-are you s-sure?" You said weakly.
"I'm sure. Let me get you some water. Do you have anyone to call to come get you? You shouldn't walk home by yourself at this time." He said kindly, pouring you a glass of water
"M-my husband... My h-husband," your trembling hands found your phone and you were calling Yoongi instantly.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yoongi rolled his eyes and tossed his phone in the drawer.
"Fucking hell y/n, how petty can you be?" He mumbled.
You had this stupid habit of spamming him when you wanted to annoy him.
He was just surprised that you'd do it now, when you had clearly had an argument.
If anything, Yoongi expected you to sulk and be mad for a day at least
Clearly not.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the trembling phone told you the love of your life had let the call go to voicemail for the third time, you broke.
Tears streaming down your face, you dialed the only one you trusted in any case.
The line rang and then a sleepy hum sounded.
"J-jungkookie?" You sobbed.
"Noona?" He was awake in a second, "What's wrong?"
You sobbed harder.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When Yoongi came home the next day, he was surprised at how dark the living room was, the curtains drawn.
He also noticed how your shoes weren't by the door but instead still on your feet as you were curled up on the couch, eyes wide open and streaks of dried mascara sitting on your face.
His alarms went off.
There was something definitely wrong.
"Honey?" He called out to your still form, and didn't get graced with a look back.
"Baby?" He went over to you.
Still no response.
Oh, something was so wrong.
He got on his knees before you, his stomach churning in tension.
"Y/n, love, what happened?"
"I called you Yoongi, why didn't you pick up?" Your voice was hoarse and barely there, and your neck had these strange scratches on it that made no sense to the ridiculous question you had asked him.
Something was wrong.
"I was working love, what's happened to you?"
That's when you caught him with a half dead gaze, immediately making him wish you hadn't looked his way. An unexplained shame set into his very bones.
"Please tell me what happened." He pleaded again.
" I was... " You sighed, "I was walking home last night and when I turned off the main road... " Your voice broke again and Yoongi felt his sanity slipping away.
"... there was a- a guy... He-he tried t-to-" a dry sob cut you off and the raging panic in Yoongi's body froze over to something deadly.
His own shame and ice cold anger made a cocktail of poison so strong, his fists clenched and his voice lowered.
" He tried to touch you?" He asked.
Your nod had a roar lodging in his throat.
" H-he lifted me and tried to take me away. I scratched him with th-the keys, " you hiccuped, "and ran back to the store. He followed me all the way" you were trembling again, tears of fear slipping down the paths already present on your face.
"Honey..." His hands reached for you, and his heart broke when you started and pulled away slightly before grabbing his hands and crying in earnest.
"Yoongi..." His name was all that slipped past your trembling lips as you cried against his shoulder, "I called you. I called you so many times, why didn't you answer me? "
Yoongi felt like he'd be sick. He wanted to go get that bastard arrested this very moment but his guilt and shame froze him to the spot. The way you held onto him so tightly made him feel like he wasn't worthy to comfort you.
And all he could say was, "I'm sorry, love. Im so so sorry. " His own voice strained from holding back tears.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yoongi gingerly placed you on the bed after the longest shower you had taken.
He had had to gently guide your hand away from your skin so many times as you scratched yourself violently and cried. You had cried so much.
He had carried you to the room, silent and stewing in guilt.
But as soon as his arms pulled away you mumbled a soft, "No... Please?"
"What is it baby?" He had no words of comfort worthy of giving you.
"Stay."
"I'm right here." He sat beside you, his hands carding through your damp hair.
You hugged his arm to your chest, breathing soft and slightly shaky from all the crying.
"Jungkookie brought me home." You mumbled into his skin.
Yoongi would go hug Jungkook after this.
"Please don't make me sleep alone." God, why was your voice so small?
"I won't, my baby. I won't ever. I'm so sorry."
#bts yoongi#Yoongi angst#Yoongi fluff#Min yoongi angst#Bts suga#Bts x reader#Yoongi x reader#Suga x reader#Bts fic#Bts drabble#the goodie bag series
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can you please do an imagine for Roman where he makes the (black oc) mad and tries to make it up to her later on in the night. (smut ofc😊)
Of courseeee
Word Count : 750
18 +
Roman and I have been together for quite a while now, we've had our fair share of ups and downs but somehow it always works out. We were high school sweethearts, so we've experienced our entire adult life together. Traveling with him is extremely demanding, especially since I've taken on an assistant role. Roman and I arrive in the next city a day early to enjoy ourselves a bit before Smackdown the next day. Roman and I begin to settle into our hotel room when Roman's phone rings. He quickly answers "Hey boss man what's up" Roman says into his phone. I roll my eyes a little, already irritated by the fact that he's taking business calls. "Yeah yeah no problem, I can meet you there in ten" Roman continues.
My head shoots over to him in disbelief that not only is he taking business calls, but planning a business meet when we're supposed to spend time together. Roman hangs his phone up smiling. His eyes shift in my direction, he can immediately tell that I am unhappy. "Babe it was the director of the movie I'm supposed to be starring in. He wants to do a cast meet up" Roman pleads his case. "We came here early to spend time together not to meet the cast" I say flinging my soft curls out of my face. "I can't just cancel babe" Roman continues to plead. "Yeah, but you can cancel on me. Just go and do what ever. I'm over all of this at this point" I say becoming visibly angry. I walk into the bathroom, locking the door behind me leaving him alone. I run myself a hot shower, lotion my body and get into bed in my robe to watch tv alone.
What was even the point? We came to spend time together and somehow he still ends up working. Hours pass and I hear the door unlock. Still angry, I refuse to look over at him. "I got you something" Roman says with caution. I still refuse to acknowledge his presence so he sits next to me on the bed "Look babe i'm sorry" He begins " This is a huge thing for me and I felt like I couldn't say no". I finally look over at him and he shoots me a big goofy grin. "I got you this!" He says pulling out the most beautiful flowers I've ever seen and a bottle of champagne. After a few glasses of what seemed like the best champagne I have ever tasted, Roman and I ended up in a steamy makeout session.
His hands rubbed on my soft brown skin while our tongues collided and our lips smacked together. I could feel his member swelling up under me as I sit on his lap. My hands combed through his thick black hair as his kisses trailed down my neck and to my breasts. His lips tasted like the champagne we just had, they were sweet and soft. Roman unties my robe, exposing me to him fully. I get off of his lap, allowing him to undress fully exposing his now fully erect member. "How do you want it?" Roman asks, his voice deep with lust. I smirk, turning around and getting on all fours. I shake my thick ass, inviting him to come over and fill me. Roman smirks, making his way behind me. He massages my ass before easing himself into me.
He begins stroking, gripping my ass like his life depended on it. He grabs and shakes it while he strokes deeply inside of me. I can't control my moans, I can hear Roman groaning and grunting to himself from behind me. The air begins to get hot, our bodies sweating as the smash together creating loud smacks. Roman smacks my ass, leaving a red mark on my once brown ass. My climax is approaching, so I reach down and begin to rub my clit slowly to edge myself on. I let out one last squeal before releasing my warm cream all over Roman's length, my legs become weak. Roman holds me up by my hips and he continues to pound me. "Ohhh shit!" He roars as he strokes become sloppy and uneven. He releases his warm juices deep into me. He pulls out and watches his seed ooze out of me before going and grabbing a towel so that I can clean myself up. "Apology accepted" I say still trying to catch my breath.
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July 26th - Dracula 2023
Mina Murray’s Journal
I am both relieved and worried today, between Jonathan and Lucy.
Our dear Mr. Hawkins passed a letter on to us today, with a letter from him expressing his skepticism of it; you don’t become a lawyer without being able to connect dots, I suppose. The letter was, in fact from Jonathan, about how he was just started for home. The letters I had read about in his handwritten journal. I was surprised, then, that he actually laughed a little seeing it, although it was rather humorless. But then he wrapped his arms around me, kissed my cheek, and said, “Oh look, I’ve arrived. That was a quick trip.” I confess here that I couldn’t help blushing and smiling like a school girl at that. I’m glad he hasn’t lost his warmth, despite everything.
Lucy, meanwhile, seems to have returned to her old habit of sleepwalking. Her mother is terribly anxious about it. She’s gotten the idea into her head – or perhaps anxiety is pushing it there – that sleepwalkers persistently walk out on roofs and cliffs, only to be abruptly woken and fall to a tragic death. Apparently it runs in the family, as Lucy’s father had the same habit. He apparently would go as far as dressing himself before going out. With all that in mind, I have made a habit of making sure the door to her room is locked before I go to sleep at night. Lucy usually goes to bed early, morning person that she is. I know Jonathan has developed a penchant for nighttime wandering with his insomnia, so he’s going to be keeping an eye out in case she gets out of the house, as well.
Outside of that, Lucy has had her hands just full of wedding planning. We went shopping for dresses a couple of days ago. I thought we would start our life fairly simply as we worked on saving and moving up, but Mr. Hawkins really changed everything recently. Jonathan will become a partner upon his recovery. I have a solid job that pays well. We have a house already now. After the start of our lives, it’s strange to find ourselves in this position. Lucy, meanwhile, is marrying a man who turns out to specifically be the Hon. Arthur Holmwood, the only son of Lord Godalming. He had to leave for brief family business, but he’s a lovely person, and well suited to Lucy. He comes across as an internal sort of person, so I think he can probably help ground her a little… and see through her when she needs that. Honestly, I suspect the sleepwalking events will end once he returns. It’s likely that’s what’s causing her so much trouble.
(A/N: Arthur's getting a little more personality in this one. I admit, I'm borrowing from myself when I was younger, but I think it works. Lucy really needs someone who can see through the facade, and I think it would help her to have that. The people I've known who've felt they had to put up a front have always really been really happy when someone can read who they really are. Some people it makes them uncomfortable, so it's better to not push too much there.
Anyway, got to do something cutesy with JonMina! Yay! :D)
#dracula daily#dracula 2023#fanfic#jonathan harker#just for fun#modern retelling#mina murray#lucy westenra#arthur holmwood
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Coffee and Violets (SUGA) CH8 - Soft Rain
(WARNING: Some angst stay positive y'all :])
(Your POV)
You stumbled out of bed, alarm blaring. A fuzzy light filtered through the blinds and into your messy apartment. After the last few days, normally you would've stayed home again. But the cafe was already closed yesterday while you were out with Yeongsun, and you can't keep it closed for much longer.
You figured it'd be good, get your mind off things. So you had breakfast, got dressed, and walked to the cafe.
The morning air was cold, morning dew fresh and your footsteps echoing through the empty streets. You sighed as you opened the door to the cafe. The flower shop next door wasn't open yet, and most people weren't out. The day had barely even started, but when you have to make everyone else's coffee you have to be up before them.
Because when you're busy saving everyone else, who is left to save you?
You drank your coffee black and bitter this morning. It seems silly, being so heartbroken from something that hardly even started. Maybe what you missed was just the excitement of something new and different. But old is okay. The usual is comfortable. The very reason you've stopped reaching out and messaging friends and meeting new people. Someone has to forget to respond first. Someone has to care less. Someone has to move on. And it's never you.
The glass panes reflect the empty cafe, but your imagination finds something else in them. The image of Yoongi and Minsoo together. Laughing together, being together. Why is it that you've never been on a date? Why has no one asked you? Maybe everyone else is just busy. Maybe there was an odd number of soulmates and you were left. Maybe plans don't always go according to plan and you just have to be happy for everyone else who is.
Ring! Ring!
You look up at the bell that just rang as someone walks into the cafe.
(Yoongi POV)
Hoseok barges into my room at 5:30.
"C'mon... It's too early..."
"No, Yoongi! You don't get to do this. You don't get to give up all hope and hide away from everyone. I'm not letting you go there again"
I sigh, "She loves someone else, Hoba. You saw them together. She's just a nice person who was kind to me once and I'm the fool to try and build something on such a small act"
"Then fall in love with someone else! At least get out of bed. Feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to make you feel any better, huh?"
As Hoseok leaves, I shrug the covers off and drag myself out of bed. He's right, and the shop needs us. I can't drop everything just because of a girl. Though I'd do it for her.
We arrive at the shop a while later. I start to set things up for the day.
"I'm gonna go grab us some coffee, 'kay?" Hoseok said.
I nodded in response, watching as he walks out the door and into the cafe. Her cafe.
Memories flash back of her and him,.. what was his name, Yeongsun? She seemed so shy with him, like he made her nervous. Was it because she liked him so much? Why can't she like me that much? Maybe it's because I do stuff like this. Dwell over those I hardly knew. She might as well be an angel, there's no way a girl like her would fall for someone like me. She deserves better.
"Good news!" Hoseok yells as he runs back into the cafe.
(Your POV)
You look up at the bell that just rang as someone walks into the cafe.
"Hi Y/N!" Hoseok calls as he walks over to the counter.
You start preparing his usual, "Hey"
"So... how'd the date go yesterday?" He asks.
You groan, "Ugh.. terrible. It- Here's the thing, it wasn't even supposed to be a date!"
"What?" He asks, leaning forward. You guys had your fair share of gossip, so this was nothing new.
"Yeah! We used to be neighbors, so he just came to drop something off from my mom. He suggested we go out and have lunch together, so I agreed. Then he was like, flirting the whole time?"
"No..."
"Yes. And it was only supposed to be lunch, but he was dragging me around to all these other places and would keep telling people we're dating"
"Gee, I'm sorry Y/N! That's awful. What did you end up doing?"
"I told him he was too much, he insulted me a bit, I walked away and cried at my apartment" You chuckled bitterly, "but it's fine. Gotta keep the shop runnin', am I right?"
He nods, "Yeah, that's what I had to tell Yoongi this morning"
You focus in at the sound of his name, "Yoongi? What about him?"
"Oh, he..." Hoseok fumbles.
"He was here a few days back with Minsoo... did they fight and break up or something?"
"No, they weren't actually dating either," He assures, "He's never been good friends with Minsoo, it's just that she's so persistant, y'know?"
"Ah..." You mumble, deep in thought.
"I think you might want to see Yoongi, I feel like there was some confusion?" He questions.
"y-yeah! Do you know if he's free later?"
"Oh, he's free right now"
(Yoongi POV)
"Good news!" Hoseok yells as he runs into the cafe.
"What?"
"She can tell you herself!" He says as Y/N shyly walks in behind him, two coffees in her hands.
She hands me one, "Can uh, can we um.."
"Let's go in the back" I suggest.
She follows behind. We sit next to each other, avoiding eye contact.
"So," She starts, "You aren't dating Minsoo?"
"NO! No, god no. She is.."
"Yeah, that's probably for the best" She laughs. I smile at her.
"But uh, you were with-"
"No, I'm not with Yeongsun. That was a mistake"
"Oh" I look down, trying to hide my grin, "w-what happened? If you don't mind me asking,"
She sighs, "He's just a neighbor, it wasn't even supposed to be a date. He just suggested it as lunch, since I thought we were friends"
She told the rest of the story as we drank our drinks.
"I'm sorry, Y/N. That sounds really upsetting"
"Yeah, I just-" She pauses to look at the rain that started pouring out the window, "I don't know why relationships have to be so hard. I feel like..."
"like you distance yourself from people, and the second you meet someone new you become attached?" I finish before I can even think about the truth I was spilling.
She looks at me, a faint smile growing on her face, "yeah"
"I know how that feels"
We stay quiet for a few seconds. Or minutes. Or however long. We drank our coffee, looking out the window at the stormy day outside.
"listen, Yoongi, I-" She stops to look down at her watch, "Shoot! I gotta go! The cafe opens in just a few minutes!" She quickly grabs her coat and begins rushing out of the room.
"Wait-" I call out. She turns around, "Uh, I..." Is now really the time to tell her how I feel? Just because she doesn't love him doesn't mean she likes me. I don't want to get the signals wrong again, "Let me walk you back"
"Yoongi, I'm just going next door"
I smile at my name in her mouth, "Well, yeah. But it's raining"
#bts#bts army#bts fanfic#bts fic#bts x reader#yoongi oneshot#yoongi fluff#yoongi fanfic#min yoongi#yoongi#min suga#suga#bts suga#yoongi x y/n#yoongi x you#yoongi x reader#suga x reader#suga x y/n#suga x you#yoonseok flower shop#sope flower shop#flower shop au#yoongi coffee shop au
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It's nearly ticking over to a new day, here. It's been a long one for me -- I hope it's been restful for you all!
As we enter into a new weekend, filled with busy things for myself, I wonder how many of you also have busy things planned for your weekends. How many of you are awake late at night, well past when you should rest? I wonder, why?
For me, it's because it's hard to go to sleep. There's always so much more to do, that can be done, and for me, the night is easy to get those things done in. Fewer distractions, fewer things to pull my attention away from what I care about.
Lately, though, I'm realizing that I feel better, knowing that I have all of you. You all make me want to take care of myself. Sometimes I beat myself up over that -- shouldn't I care about myself for me? Isn't that what you're supposed to do?
I'm here to tell you that that's bullshit! All that matters is that you're taking care of yourself.
So, tonight, get some rest. Go to bed early if you can. And if you can't do it for yourself? Do it for people you care about!
#syscourse positivity#syscourse#pro endo#anti endo#syscourse unaligned#endo safe#endo friendly#self care#endo neutral#syscourse neutral
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and the tables turned...
Night drew over the dropship, and, as per usual, a fair lot of the Legends left. Each had their own reason for leaving, be it drinking or to gamble. Watch a game with the lads, and what not. Some stayed, however, wanting to turn in an early night- or were too busy with their work to care. Others weren't the partying type. And the others? Some just wanted a nice night in. That's about what Mary needed, anyway. She wanted to stay up, to keep working on her research, but- well… Sometimes things don't go according to plan.
As Mary focused on her papers, scanning over the numbers one more time, she felt a hand against her shoulder-- the cold, firm, metallic kind.
"Mary…" Leigh chided, leaning over the doctor's head to look at her work.
Mary let off a chuckle, setting one down and reaching to take Leigh's hand, "Aye, what is it?"
Leigh's grip tightened on Mary's shoulder, her voice growing more condescending, "Go to sleep."
"I've almost finished this secti-"
"Mary. Sleep."
Another chuckle escaped Mary as she set down the rest of her papers, "Or?"
"Or I'll drag you from your desk and make you lay down," Leigh 'threatened', letting go of Mary's shoulder so she could stand.
"Oh, what a shame that'd be," Mary smirked as she stood, looking back to Leigh, "Would you lay with me anyway?"
Leigh didn't respond at first, watching as Mary pulled back and walked to her bed, sat on the side, and patted the space next to her, "If you don't mind, that is."
"…I wouldn't…" Leigh's voice softened, as she followed suit and sat next to Mary.
There she is… Mary smiled ever so softly, seeing Leigh let her guard down further. It wasn't the first time Mary had offered her bed- and whilst she knew Leigh didn't need to sleep anymore… She knew it still helped Leigh to be there with her. Leigh would never ask, but Mary would always offer anyway.
Mary kicked off her shoes and laid back, watching as Leigh disconnected her lower limbs- terrifyin' sword thingies, really. She retracted the blades on her arms, and deemed herself safe enough. When she'd finished, Mary reached up and lightly pulled her down- resulting in a little laugh from her, and a grunt from Leigh, who huffed afterwards. "I can lay down myself, you know."
"I know, I know." Mary pulled a little more, turning Leigh to face her- a teasing smirk on her lips, "Is it so wrong to want to hold you?"
Leigh's eyes drifted off, her version of an answer. Mary's smile faded, her lips pulling to a firm line, "…Leigh."
"…No- no!! Mary-- you're supposed to sleep, I'm not going to-"
"I dinnae think o' that, love." Her tone sharper than before, and she felt as Leigh pulled back slightly.
Mary kept her hold, and spoke softer, "Leigh… I'm not going to punish you anymore. You know that, right?"
Leigh nodded, though kept her gaze averted. Mary let off a sigh, "You've got more than enough hatred from me… and I don't want you to think you deserve it. What you deserve is this, alright? I'm not gone, I'm right here."
It took a moment for the words to settle, before Leigh's eyes pulled back and stared to Mary… and she nodded again. She pulled herself closer and rested her head against Mary's collarbone, and Mary smiled again. The two laid quietly for a fair spell, as Mary held around Leigh- and Leigh kept close to Mary's chest, watching the rise and fall of her breath, the beat of her heart…
And then Mary broke the easy silence, "…would you do me a favour, love?"
Leigh's head lifted as she looked up to Mary, "Yes?"
Mary's lips pressed together for a beat, before she spoke, "…let me speak to 'her', please."
Leigh's eyes shrunk and she pressed back, shaking her head, "No- no!! No. Never--"
"Leigh…" Mary's hold tightened, "I won't let anything happen, alright?"
"No!!! Not again- no- She- no!!" Leigh's voice quivered as she protested, pressing harder against Mary and her grip.
Mary let go at that point, going quiet and letting Leigh calm down before speaking again, "I understand how you feel about her, Leigh. I know… But you remember what it was like to not have a voice. Drowning in your own mind."
Leigh nodded softly, turning her head away. Mary continued, "…I just want to talk with her."
"She… won't talk. She'll just-- she'll just take over and silence me again and I-"
"I won't let that happen, Leigh. I just want to talk."
"She'll make us leave! I don't want to leave-- I don't want to be locked away again…"
"I know, I understand…" Mary paused, gently taking Leigh's chin and pulling her back, lightly pressing her forehead against Leigh's. She took a long breath and let it out before letting Leigh go, "…but I dinnae want you to lie here broken up. I… want to see if I can find a way to have her understand as well. You shouldn't have to be two people anymore, not when you used to be one."
"I--I don't miss it, Mary- I don't want to go back…"
"Are you sure?"
"I…." Leigh paused, before she tilted her head down, "…I don't know."
"Leigh… you can't ignore another part of yourself. You cannae expect me to love you- if you don't love yourself. Even if its a part you can't stand, even if its so different from how you remember… She's you… And treating yourself like this- it has to hurt."
"...she hurts, Mary. She hurts more than anything else."
☾ | i imagine when leigh gets her strength and takes over, she'd start to treat ash how ash used to treat her- which mary wouldn't be all too fond of.
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I worked very hard to enjoy my day off. That sounds really silly. But it is still very hard for me not to feel guilty. But like. I didn't do anything wrong. I shouldn't feel guilty. I had a good day and I'm about to have a very busy week. I deserved to have a nice day off.
I didn't sleep enough I think. I completely forgot it was daylights savings until we'll into the afternoon. So when I woke up at 9 I was just so exhausted. And confused about being so exhausted. I had some intense dreams. I was at an office building it an old bank. A security guard yelled at me. I woke up feeling a little stressed.
But I was alright. I went and took a shower first thing. I washed my hair. I didn't do as good of a job drying it as I did the other morning. But it still felt nice to be clean.
I got dressed and went back to make the bed. Sweetp didn't move the whole time. I made the bed around him. And he would stay right there for like 3 hours. Which was wild to me. I eventually had to make him get up to go have a kitty yogurt because I was worried about him being dehydrated.
I had a good day though. I was busy busy this morning. I vacuumed and swiffered. I wanted to dust more, specifically around our fans but doing the floors and then doing the tub made me very overheated.
I gave myself a half hour break. And texted with Jess for a bit. And laid in bed. But I would get up and make some outfits for the week. And just pick up the apartment. It was good. I felt good.
I would eventually lose steam. I changed into a different dress because I was warm. And went to lay down and watch videos.
I would move around the apartment a few times. I did the dishes. I poked around the studio. I did some research for art stuff. It was a good way to spend the day.
I would lay in bed with the intention of napping. But I did not nap. Instead I just watched videos.
Me and James made plans to have dinner with their parents. And when James got home I was excited to see them. But I would choke on air and that rattled me for a bit. And I would feel very bad for like 20 minutes.
But I was okay. Me and James would carve out pumpkin. Collect all the seeds and chop it up. James would roast it and puree it later. Fancy. I am excited to candy the seeds tomorrow and see what James does with the puree.
We laid on the couch until it was time to go have dinner.
And it was fun. We got over there and walked to the diner with Anne and Tucker. And dinner was good!
We did talk about the wedding a little. And I tried to force some conversation about budgets. But the tension was palpable. They just can't talk about money. I don't get it. But whatever. I let it go. We looked at pictures instead. And talked about musuem work. It was a good meal. I wish they said more about the wedding. What they liked. But I can't force them to I guess.
We walked back. Joking about how dark it was. It is wild how early the sun is going down now. 6pm felt like 11pm. It's 930 now and feels like 2am. I am going to try very hard to shake off the dark=bedtime feeling I get every year. Having the lights on helps. I will probably give myself a night time schedule again. 7 to 8 in the studio. Something like that.
Tomorrow I have a long day at the museum. I hope it's good. I am in charge of my group and I'm not thrilled. But it's fine. It will be a good day.
I hope you all have a good day too. Sleep great. Enjoy the weather. It's supposed to get cooler on Tuesday.
Goodnight everyone!!
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OSRR: 2984
PT this morning was just an intake appointment, but i still left forty minutes later sore af because WOW moving my shoulder how it's not supposed to move makes it HURT. who knew?? not me, ig. we scheduled appointments through six weeks, until i go back to the orthopedist next month. until then, i must suffer. then we can get an mri done. then they'll listen to what i have to say. the ligament in my shoulder is loose. i've had doctors acknowledge it verbally and then do nothing besides physical therapy. i can feel it. it fucking hurts. i can't sleep on it. fucking sucks. six years ago when i united my shoulder at work, when it subluxed and bruised the head of the bone, after it was all done and healed and i'd gone for PT, the doctor still said the ligament was kinda loose. well, yes. that's why i have this problem. so fix it, why don't you, and i won't have shoulder pain for the rest of my life. good lord.
anyway.
came back, showered, dressed, went to starbucks, went to work, and was busy like all day. at least i knew going into it i was gonna be busy, so that was fine. when i first went in, i took my meds and i sat down and i tried to get myself organized. kristen came over and so did a student and melissa and i was sitting in my chair, bouncing my leg, talking a mile a minute, and melissa goes, "are you caffeinated?"
i'm like "no, it makes me jittery."
me, thinking: i'm jittery anyway, but ok body
it was funny.
after work i came back and took a nap. i was fuckin exhausted after being up early and having a full day of people.
i napped until about quarter of 8 when i sleepily bumbled out of the room. i stood there as joel made grilled cheese, trying to wake up and decide what i wanted. joel finished up and went downstairs, and i decided i wanted taco bell. so i went and i got some taco bell and my quesadilla was cut the wrong way. which isn't bad, but it's fucking hysterical. and usually it's cut in four pieces, but this bad boy was cut in three. it was so funny to me. it had nacho cheese in it, which is something the other taco bell's in the area don't usually do, so i didn't ask for just shredded cheese. but it was decent. it'll get me off of wanting taco bell for a while.
anyway i got home, i grabbed the cold stuff from the fridge and freezer, grabbed my laundry, and headed downstairs. i threw my laundry in and i went to sit with joel in our space downstairs and we watched a few episodes of white collar which is really great. he likes showing me his usual shows and watching them with me. it makes me happy. i like that he can share things like that with me, that we can do things together. it was a rare night off for him from all other obligations, so it was nice to just be there together.
anyway, my laundry is now all done and folded and i'm in bed and i'm ready to sleep but not to get up early again tomorrow. 8am comes quickly. 7:15 comes moreso.
also my friends at work are planning something for thursday and the only hint i've been given is "sports car." first thing i thought of was driving a sports car which would be sick. second i thought of a delorean, which goes to back to the future because i'm getting older and is my flavor of nerdy, but other than that.
so i don't know and i don't want to know and i still have twelve million things to do. sheesh. can i have another day this week? because yikes.
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I thought I was going to have an easy day but unfortunately I didn't. I only had 9 eye cases so I guess that was nice. They still didn't get done with those until after 4 because the last one took a couple hours. There were 70 cases all together on our side of the hospital so it was pretty busy. I wrapped so many total pans. I wrapped a set of 15 pans just for one surgery and most of them were "hold" pans which means they probably won't even use them. It took almost 2 hours to inspect them and wrap them because I was trying to do other things at the same time. It's also frustrating that some doctors request like 20 pans for a surgery and others can do the same procedure with 3 pans. There are so many different systems that do the exact same thing but they are from different vendors so some sets have more instruments than others. I'm constantly having to learn new sets and I had to do that earlier.
I actually got a chance to talk to the director about that guy who has been bothering me and he said he will handle it. I know he is taking the situation seriously so that made me feel better. That girl who came to me for advice admitted that she is still talking to him and it made me angry. She has been lying to everyone. I hate being lied to. I think she is going to have to find out the hard way that he's not a good guy. I'm discouraged because I really wanted to help her. I can't help her. I don't really want to continue talking to her unless it's about something work related. I guess I'm not going to worry about that situation anymore. I don't want anything to do with that mess.
I was having a really tough time getting around today so I'm glad I didn't have to run around a bunch like I usually do. I almost fell down the stairs when I was leaving this morning. Sometimes I have to hold on to things so I don't tip over. I probably should start taking the elevator more often at work. My co-worker told me I should pull up in a wheelchair next week. I wish I could sometimes. I want to be able to take my cane to work but I don't know how I'm supposed to carry things while using it. I would have to clean it constantly. I would probably get some weird looks from people too. I don't know why it bothers me or why I feel ashamed to use it. I think I might try to use it more at home so I don't hurt myself. I need to find it first but I'm afraid to try to get out of bed. I hope I feel better after resting for a couple of days.
I had to stay an hour late and I'm tired. I'm a little crabby right now. I am planning on going to bed early. I wanted to play video games or something but I don't know if I want to be on the computer that long. I am going to have to run errands tomorrow and I want to get up early. I still haven't heard anything about my glasses so I really hope they arrive tomorrow or I'm going to be a little disappointed. I don't want to wait another week but I will survive even if I don't get them tomorrow. I think I need to make myself get up now and get ready for bed. I hope tomorrow is a good day.
I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow!!! Thank you for trying to cheer me up and I appreciate all the love. :) 💖💖💖
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November 12, 2023
This day has been so lazy for me. I'm crying, literally, the weekend went by so fast now I'm back to working. Fuck this shit. The difficult thing really is waking up and getting to the station. Work is work and sure there're bad days but the most difficult thing is getting myself up in the morning.
Romney and Nico got everyone up for some lunch. They made beef stew and some fish dish both of which were delicious. I was about to go to the gym today but decided that it would be best not to because I need a proper rest day. I just played Diablo 4 the whole day. I was so unproductive. I was supposed to cook dinner but Ed cooked instead because he wanted to eat some beef stirfry for work tomorrow. He was out and climbed but he still made dinner and lunch for tomorrow. He's such a kind man. I don't know what I did to deserve him. I should be more lenient and not react when I'm mad and tired and have to think things through before I do or say anything. He's so gentle with me.
November 11, 2023
Woke up around 9am today. Finally! My day off! Just stayed in bed until like 11am and played a bit of Diablo 4. We went to Canning Town around 12pm after finishing breakfast. I kind of forced Ed to go to the gym with me. I was planning to do chest and legs today but only ended up doing chest because Ed didn't like working his legs out. It was a good workout!
We went to Morrisons and got some groceries for the week. We went back home and I just played Diablo 4 the whole day. Tier 4 is a bit challenging for me considering that I don't have the best armour and I'm trying to farm for them the best I can.
We had some mixed grains and fish yesterday after saying that we weren't hungry and only wanted some protein shake. Ed's cooking is my favourite.
We watched Take Care of Maya on Netflix and it was really a sad story about families and their children being wrongfully medically adopted by the system. Today was a good day!
November 10, 2023
LAST DAY OF WORKING THIS WEEK! FINALLY! I got up super late from bed despite waking up a bit early. I got an Uber thinking that it would get me to work earlier but I didn't anticipate London traffic to be really bad.
I was with Rosie, JP, and Ate Socel in the morning doing Orthopaedics in Th14. It was a good list. We didn't do much but to remove metalworks. In the afternoon we were taking care of sets and they thought me how to fast track and make loan sets for orthopaedics.It's something that I don't really intend learning because it adds responsibility and accountability when shit goes wrong but here we are. Went out to Tortilla with Lene after work and had a few margaritas. We intended to go out and have a night out January next year. I'm excited about that! I want a nightout with friends.
Went home and slept immediately because I was really drunk. Woke up around 1am to Ed cuddling me.
November 9, 2023
It's a Thursday and I'm not in that horrible person's list! Thank the heavens. I'm not even exaggerating. I'm so thankful. I'm assigned in Th6 doing ENT with Cathy and Xavier.
We did some cochlear implants and some MLBs and it was such a good day. Sure it was busy but I wasn't tired at the end of the day! There's really something different about working other specialities from doing orthopaedics. I just know that it isn't for me and that I don't see myself doing it. Finished the shift around 5:30pm and went to the gym and did some back, arms, cardio, and abs.
Went home around 8:30pm and ate dinner with Eddie. It was a good day. We made up as I bought some Lola's.
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— day two. october 8th. 8:16 am.
i won't keep writing down the time i write my entries, i think. i'm used to it, cause i always write my entries at the same time - or close to it, but i don't want to force myself to do it this time. don't know when i'll have the time. like, i ... think it's time to allow exceptions in the schedule without beating myself up over them. if that makes sense? i know i'm just writing this down and nobody's gonna read it but me, but i'm asking myself for permission i guess.
some days i wonder if i should pop in with the doc again and drop the fifty journals i've got sitting in my drawer off. but do i want a stranger reading my thoughts and shit again? nah. i ain't some angry kid anymore, or a soldier. only reason i ever allowed it was because it was that or early retirement from the army and i'm not sure where i'd be if they hadn't forced me into it. that and the schedule. i'm grateful and i'm not planning to drop it entirely, i know i can't. i need it. it's the only thing keeping me in line.
I KNOW THAT.
i feel it every day. the hunger. the rage. i thought that maybe if i just stuck to routine, if i kept the rage locked away for long enough and maybe beat up some shitheads.. that it'd go away. that one day i'd be free, but i guess i won't ever be. i'm close to halftime, this vacation only reminded me of that. do i see myself doing this forever? camp and fighting? i used to. but not anymore. though... i'm afraid what happens if i turn my back on everything. what if i no longer have an outlet? i keep telling nico i'm looking forward to retiring with him and living life in peace in new rome, but i don't know if i can.
i need something to channel the anger into. like, something to pour it all into before it consumes me. meditation and routine can only do so much. i wanna tell him i worry, but how? how could i possibly tell him? or anybody? i don't get how others can just throw their thoughts at others without hesitation. maybe i'm broken or something. but i wouldn't even know where to start or how to explain. nico isn't supposed to know about my struggles. i'm not sure how he'd take it. i know i should've told him before we did more than fucking, but i didn't realize we'd get there before it was too late.
still don't get how that even happened. doesn't matter now, i don't regret it. i wouldn't change anything if i got another chance to ...deal with nico. don't see no reason why i should. i ain't unhappy. not at all. NOPE.
guess driving brings out the rambler in me. 2 pages in and i haven't even stated what i should've.
my day, emotions, thoughts.
it's still early. it's ten, we picked up some food in a diner on the highway and we're just driving again now. yesterday was good. we crashed at some motel, nico got us a room with just one bed and the receptionist's jaw dropped. not that i mind sharing a bed. we've been doing it for a long time now. i'd not even consider sleeping in separate beds. fuck that idea. the night was ... pretty good. as most nights are with him. i got no complaints.
although, i do wonder if nico actually has a place in mind or if we're driving through the country aimlessly until he sees a place he likes, which ... would be madness. right? yeah. he did say we're gonna be driving for a day or two more, but he had an idea for a stop on the way.
WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE DRIVING?
i've asked him and all but got no reply so far. so i guess i gotta be patient. shouldn't be that big a problem, right? i mean patience has never been one of my virtues, but i learnt... yeah. i learnt. i think my day's not gonna be much different from yesterday. it's just gonna be driving, food, sleep.
as for emotions, i'm doing okay if we're ignoring that outburst up top. guess i just worry nico doesn't like what he sees once he gets to know ...me. he knows more than most but with how busy we've been in camp, i've had options to hide myself. sometimes. now i won't. we'll be with each other all day. i can't bear the thought of life without him anymore. SO STUPID. what the hell is wrong with me lately?
which brings me to emotions again i guess. fear. i'm afraid? I GUESS. it's been a few days since i dreamt of the forest, but when i did, it sucked. i know it's in the past and i don't wanna think about that day anymore, but sometimes it just haunts my dreams. a lot less than it used to, though.
as for thoughts... uh. all of the above i guess. i dunno. i don't WANNA think as much as i do. i wanna enjoy this while it lasts. when we get back, shit's gonna hit the fan again and i'm gonna spend my days worrying about my the MY idiot again, so until then.. i guess i'm triyn got cut back on the thinking part.
the weather out's pretty good. it's warm, the sun's smiling down on us and it's shorts weather honestly. we had ice cream yesterday, i forgot to mention. can't remember when i had ice cream last. or ever. like i'm a kid. i liked it though. we're gonna find a steakhouse for dinner today cause i said i want to and nico's in.
i hope the kids are alright. i could text, i know. but again. DISTANCE. i wanna enjoy the break and focus only on nico vacation. it's gonna be fine so long as he and i are together, right?
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I'm Still Here
Did you think I had left and given up already? I wouldn't blame you if you did. I made a plan and followed it for approximately three days and then...nope. Finished.
Typical.
I actually have been writing. I just have not completed anything. Or managed to get anything over 1000 words. So nothing has been posted because I wasn't hitting my goal. See? This is the problem with rules and regulations, they always end up hindering me...
The reason I have not finished much is twofold: First, I have somehow gotten stupidly busy. My schedule went from "guess I'll be having a boring and also slightly poor October" to "and now every day of your calendar is filled with an obligation or two that shall take up all your time either attending them or preparing to attend them." It is possible that had I thought a few seconds ahead I would have realized that this is the case, but thinking ahead is not a strong point of mine.
Second, I have been inexplicably tired. Actually it is not really inexplicable. It is just that the tiredness comes in starts and stops just as suddenly, which feels inexplicable. The tiredness has meant a lot of laying in bed trying to sleep which is another thing I am not good at as you may recall. This has meant less time to actively write.
And so, like many writers out there, I have not managed to finish a single thing I am working on. And perhaps worse, none of them are even in a place where I could split them to post something on here...they are very, very much in progress.
I am trying my best, my friend.
I suppose there is a third reason that I should mention. It is the other thing that makes it very hard.
You see I am very much in a rut. I think it could be argued that in most of my life I have felt in a rut, but for most of my life I have at least had an inkling of an idea of what to do next. That is not currently true. I think it has very much been untrue since around the time I turned 30, possibly even a bit earlier than that. I had a life goal that was not very glamorous I think, although it was very exciting, and I achieved it. And I enjoyed it, but I knew fairly early on that it was not going to be what I did for the rest of my life.
My life goal was set at a very young age and it is one that I know many people who come from the sorts of places like I did share. It is a very common trope anyways. Person from a small town and a difficult family dreams of leaving and never coming back. I think perhaps the only thing that makes my situation a little unique is that I knew this was my goal from the time I was about 8 years old. I said as much to my mother, standing in the kitchen while my siblings argued over who would get to inherit the house when we grew up. I happily told my mother I had no need to join in this argument because I would leave as soon as I could and not come back.
And that is precisely what I did. I left to go to college and I never returned…
Ok not really. I did leave for college, and was gone for two years. But then I got horribly depressed and could not find my way out of a paper bag, and so I returned for the summer between my 2nd and 3rd year in college. It was not a great summer, but I (and my mother) made it through, and thankfully it was short, and so I left again…only to return for about a month after I graduated. This time it was more of a timing thing, but also…I was still definitely depressed.
But I did eventually make it work. I moved abroad at 23, and stayed abroad for a little over 8 years. Each time I succeeded in something I gave myself a new goal: travel to different countries, move to a different country, get a job as something other than an English teacher, create a potentially permanent life for yourself…
I did all that. By the time I was 30 I had lived in two different countries, traveled to about 25, gotten a job at an international school as a regular classroom teacher (what I had actually gone to school for…) and created a great support group that included friends, partners, and a fulfilling life.
And almost simultaneously my health was failing. Truthfully there were signs of it before I ever left: migraines that would last for days without relief until they simply ended on their own. Suicidal thoughts that sometimes turned towards action but never a full plan. Constant trips to the hospital for injuries I got doing fairly regular things. But I had been raised to not put any stock into these sorts of things and encouraged to figure it out on my own.
It will come as a surprise to no one that I had a full breakdown around 27. I did it alone in a foreign country, and came out of it alright, albeit with a bi-polar (II) diagnosis, and an action plan. So I packed up again and moved to a new city with a new job and some new meds. And while in the process of this I experienced near daily pain that eventually hospitalized me for a week when my system shut down and rejected anything put in it. Food, water, medication…it was not a fun time.
And so I was diagnosed with celiacs and a soy allergy. And there was improvement after that. Until there wasn’t. Until the headaches returned, sometimes with nerve pain in my hands or shoulders or neck that was so severe that I could not move and would lay in agony or cry at my desk when my students were gone. Then I began to get sick any time I exercised, unable to breath, vomiting, or nearly collapsing in pain. I have always been active - martial arts, snowboarding, skateboarding, running…it is part of how I keep my mental health. So when I lost it, my mental health rapidly deteriorated too. Breakdowns, depression, panic attacks and rage returned and I began to only see a vague haze around me in my life in Japan. On the one hand, I loved it. It looked neat and tidy and likely enticing from afar. On the other hand I was miserable. I hated my existence and could not see any way of making it work. I could not find the next step because as far as I could tell any new step might put me at risk of not making it.
And then there was home, and all that was happening there. It is one thing to dream about leaving your family, and it is another thing to actually do it. Should you make that choice, you may find that it is hard to watch them fall apart and put themselves back together, only to fall apart again, when you are so far away and there is little you can do.
So, I came back.
And it is not a decision I regret. It was the right decision. But just as I knew my life in Japan was not what I had hoped it would be - the line at the end of the race - I know this is not right either.
And so I have been a bit frozen. Unable to finish what I started this month as I wrestle with what the next, correct, step is.
So forgive me, gentle friend. I have good intentions, but sometimes life gets in the way.
(1328)
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That ending was a stab on the heart from beginning to end I'm gonna steal bob 🏃🏾♀️
The One That Got Away
Shigaraki x GN!Reader
Warnings: Angst, cheating, death
A/N: Don’t threaten Bob
~~~
The bed felt different after that night.
2 months ago you had caught Shigaraki cheating on you with someone random woman. You stood in the doorway just watching, trying to find the words to say but nothing came out. It’s only when you dropped your groceries and your present to him is when he noticed your presence.
*flashback*
“Shit! (Y/N) it’s not what it looks like-” He tripped over his words. You said nothing as you just looked at him, knowing that no matter how much you loved him that there was nothing that could ever make you forget this.
“Fuck just say something!” You were still silent as you dropped the groceries you were holding. It just wasn’t clicking for you. How could he do this to you? what had you done wrong?
“What did I do wrong?” Your voice seemed to echo throughout the room. Nobody said anything. Until she spoke up.
“Oh my god, Im so sorry! I didn’t know he was taken! Please forgive me.” The girl spoke as she jumped outta bed and started putting her clothes on.
“It’s okay. I forgive you.” Those words spilled from your mouth before you could actually say anything you meant. The girl had hugged you before saying she was so sorry a final time. Flipping off Shiggy on the way out.
“(Y/N)...i promise we can talk about this.” You just kept looking at him. Those eyes seemed to burn into his soul. He doesn’t think you noticed the tears spilling from your eyes. He was about to say something to you but you started to walk towards him. Thinking he was gonna get hit he just stood still before feeling your part of the bed dip.
He turns around to see you laying there, eyes still open with tears rushing down your face, your clothes of the day still on your body.
Shigaraki tried to put his arms around you but you had hit his hands back. and used your feet to push him to the edge of the bed while you laid clung to the wall.
*flashback over*
Thinking back on it you don’t know why you didn’t just walk away. Maybe you were to tired from being busy and running errands for him all day? Did you want it to be a bad dream and hope to walk up to realize nothing ever happened? Whatever the reason was, you weren’t sure but a part of you wishes that you left that night.
Now you sit at the bar, sitting far away from what use to be your boyfriend, not even taking a glimpse of him and he knew it. You just sat in the corner drinking and looking on your phone until a familiar smell approached you.
“Oh hey Dabi.”
“Hey there (Y/N), why aren’t you hanging out with crusty over there? He keeps staring at you and the tension in here could be cut with a knife. It’s been two months and apparently everyone said i should ask what's going on.”
“Im not going near him at the moment. We’re on a break per say.” this seemed to peak Dabi’s interest as he leaned closer.
“Oh? Did crusty do something? Your secret's safe with me, i swear on my soul.” What did it matter if you told Dabi? He already doesn’t respect Shigaraki so why not, plus, so what if that fuck didn’t want anyone knowing, he shouldn’t have cheated when everyone else was sleeping in the base.
“Don’t tell anyone I told you but, 2 months ago I caught Shigaraki cheating on me...” You felt small tears prickle the corner of your eyes. Bringing your hand up to your face you rub it away, hoping to ignore the pain that was banging against your chest.
“What a dick, wanna make him pay?” You look up at Dabi who had a huge grin on his face. You thought about it for a good few seconds before shaking each others hand.
“Once Shigaraki goes out on that mission today, we’ll talk more.” Dabi said before getting up from his seat and grabbing a drink from the bar.
You didn’t know what Dabi had planned but you hoped it would bring Shigaraki the same pain you felt that fateful night 2 months ago.
~~~
You sat on the ground in Dabi’s room as he paced back in forth, coming up with revenge plans. All of them sucked or ended up with you guys might going to Jail.
“New plan, everytime Shigaraki wants to hang out tell him you had plans with me and leave the room. You can go somewhere and i’ll go somewhere with you. Effectively ditching him.” Thinking, you try to come up with all the pros and cons this proposal Dabi shared with you. But soon your hurt over ruled the logical side of you and you agreed to it not a moment later.
“Great! Now all we need is for Shigaraki to ask to hang out with you. Don’t know how long that’ll take though...”
“I usually ignore him after what happened but sometimes he asks to hang out with me whenever its a slow day at the base or if he’s bored.”
“ Well guess we have to wait tell then huh?” Nodding your head, you get up before putting a thumbs up in his direction. You walked out of his room and see Shigaraki sitting at the bar. He must have finished his mission early. You rolled your eyes before sitting on the other side of the bar counter. You could feel shigaraki look at you through father.
“Hey....”
“.....”
“Look im sorry, a-and i know that doesn’t excuse what I did but please-” You got up before he could finishing his sentence as you walked towards your shared bedroom. Going in there use to give you comfort but now everytime you step into that room you see that fateful night over and over again.
You sat on the bed before hearing Shigaraki’s footsteps coming towards the room. Furrowing your brows, you ignore him as you put your shoes on. You needed a little bit of fresh air so you were planning on going to the local park to relax a bit. You weren’t a villain like the rest of them, you were just a simple civilian. Not that you minded really. It was peaceful not fearing for your life everyday and having the fear of failure not on your shoulders.
You didn’t really have a quirk so you just ignored the questions when people asked you if you had one.
“Can I talk to you?” You were dragged back to reality when Shigaraki’s voice rang through your ears. Annoyed you just answered hoping that the conversation would be short.
“What do you want?” You voice was snappy and you could feel the venom dripping from it.
“I understand that your mad. And you have every right to be but your not even giving me a chance to redeem myself and-”
“Redeem yourself? Why the hell would I do that? YOU cheated on ME. LIke hell im gonna forgive you so easily.”
“It’s been two months! What happened was in the past!”
“It was in the past my ass. How would you like it to see your lover in bed with another?!”
“I-”
“I felt like my soul died that day. I thought I was your only one! Only to find out that you slept with her! Was she a one time thing or were there more hookups?!” You stood up from the bed as your fists turned white and your anger slowly erupting.
“.....”
“TELL ME DAMNIT!”
“Three...there were three different occasions...” Now the tears were kicking in. You were hoping that it wasn’t true. What if there was more and he was only saying three just to ease your heart?
“Why? Why would you do this to me? What did I do to deserve this?” Your questions were like knives stabbing into Shigaraki’s heart. He wanted to tell you the truth, but he didn’t want your heart to hurt more than it already was.
“Im not going to ask again Shigaraki. You either tell me the truth or I will walk out of this base and never come back.”
“The...the first time it was a drunk accident, the second time Dabi had brought her to the base and one thing led to another. The last one was the same as the second one.”
“Did...did Dabi know about the affair?” You were begging, no pleading for him not to have known. You didn’t know if your heart could take it.
“Yes...” That was it. That was the thing that broke you. Walking up to Shigaraki you pushed past him before flipping him off and saying one final line.
“I would rather die that ever be with you again.” And with that, you left the hideout. You speed walked through the alleys to get to you parked your car. Your friends house was pretty far and you didn’t feel like walking in the dead of night were criminal activity was more active.
Getting in your car, you turn on the radio and start breaking down. Your tears were blurring your eyesight as you put the car in drive.
The streets weren’t busy except for the occasion car with some college students. Or drunk people walking along the sidewalk. The sound of the radio blasting songs that were supposed to be happy barley brightened up your mood as you drove down the dark highways.
All of a sudden a bright light hit your eyes from the right side. Some fuck must have had their brights on. But you had the right away so you went. All of a sudden a huge crash rang through your ears and the world became dark.
~~~
A ring came from Shigaraki’s phone. Looking at the clock he noticed it to be 2am. Annoyed he just decided to answer it.
“Hello, this is (hospital name). You were listed under a emergency contact for (Y/N) (L/N).” Shigaraki jolted awake as his hands reached his neck, standing up and already begun to pace the floor of his room.
“Yes did something happen?!”
“At 12am tonight miss (Y/N) was in a car crash. A hit and run to be exact. Their car was totalled after it rolled about 3 times from the speed that the driver hit them. A bystander of the accident called 119. They were in need of surgery immediately once paramedics noticed that they were crushed and bleeding out quickly due to a shard of glass that was stabbed in their chest.”
“Are they okay?!” The doctor on the other end went silent.
“Im deeply sorry for your lost sir. They died during surgery trying to remove the glass that was lodged in their skin. The police are on the look for the suspect. if you wish to see them were on (blank street). Once again, im sorry for your loss. Goodnight sir.” The phone went silent as the doctor hung up.
Everything seemed to stop as the feared villain feel to his knees. Tears fell from his eyes as his body shook. He realized that now it was impossible to even try. And the last words you had ever said were ‘ you’d rather die than ever be with him again.’ Crying into his hands as his tears made a puddle on the floor.
I guess you took your words seriously.
#shigaraki tomura#tomura shigaraki#Shigaraki#tomura shigaraki x reader#shigaraki x reader#tomura shiragaki#mha#bnha#mha angst#bnha angst#tomura shigaraki angst#:)
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Felix Felicis
MSR. AU. PG-13ish. | tagging @today-in-fic | read on AO3
Chapter 53 - The Stakeout
[ Felix ]
My plan is working out so perfectly, I honestly can't believe it! I didn't slip up once about Felix and Suzie's secret stakeout, not even when Dad asked me if we had any plans for tonight.
"Uhm, no, maybe we'll watch Frozen II again, you know… in our pajamas and stuff…" My innocent act is so convincing, Dad doesn't suspect a thing.
Hee hee, I'm so clever! I always break out in giggles whenever I imagine the surprise on Dad's face when he sees us at the movie's, even though I haven't decided yet if we're going to stay hidden or reveal ourselves. Guess we'll just see how it goes and wing it.
I make a big show out of searching for my bunny I just can't sleep without and who I find stuffed into a corner underneath my bed ('How did you get in there?') and packing up my things, including the DVD I'm pretending we're going to watch, snickering to myself at my deception skills.
Dad drops me off at Suzie's house well before we're supposed to leave, which gives us enough time to hole up in her room that is refreshingly un-girly, to talk over our plan one final time.
"Remember, no dawdling, we need to get to the movie's early, did you tell your mom that?" Suzie nods enthusiastically, she's a really great partner to have!
"Yup. I've told her about a thousand times, she's getting so annoyed at me whenever I bring it up. Did you confirm that we do have the right movie theater? It would be such a shame if we went to the wrong one!"
"Mh-hm, check! I asked my dad about his plans today, like I don't even care that much about them. It's so funny that I know all about it, like when and with whom he's going but he still keeps it a secret, as if I wasn't smart enough to figure some stuff out on my own!"
"Good, good. Oooh I'm so excited, Felix!"
"Me tooo! I can't wait until it's time to leave!" We jump around on her bed with glee, to burn off some of our nervous energy until we're tuckered out on the bed, still holding our stomachs with laughter.
And then, oh boy I'm so nervous, it's time to leave for the movies. Suzie and I tumble over ourselves to get in the car and her mom gives us a mildly exasperated look from the front seat, asking "Everybody ready?"
Heck yeah, I was born ready, bring it on!
"Would you like to get some popcorn guys?" I can barely hear Suzie's mom's question, too busy scanning the crowd for a familiar with an unfamiliar face.
"Uh huh!," I answer absent-mindedly, my heart jumping when I see someone I think is my dad, but who turns out to only have the same haircut. The suspense is killing me!
"Where are they?" My voice is an urgent whisper only Suzie's supposed to hear but she just shrugs, looking over the crowd herself with eagle eyes.
————
[ DS ]
Waiting all dressed up for a night at the movie's, I'm waiting on the stairs to my bedroom, checking my watch every five second's because I'm so anxious, I forget the time the second I look away from the watch. Mulder's late for our date, which is quite unusual for him and I'm this close to freaking myself out into thinking he's going to stand me up tonight.
Which is crazy, he's confirmed it so many times in the last three days, the rational side of my brain states matter-of-factly, while the little part of me that's been stood up and/or ghosted plenty of times in the past is currently anxiously breathing into a paper bag. Scared half to death that this is the other shoe about to drop, no-one could be this perfect. Could they?
Saved from further falling down that particular rabbit hole of self-doubt by the literal doorbell, I'm across the front hall in a relieved dash, opening the door to reveal my very handsome date, grinning sheepishly over a bouquet of daisies.
"Sorry I'm late, you can't imagine how hard it is to get a hold of daisies in January!" He steps into the doorway and into my personal space to slip his free hand to the small of my back to pull me closer, lean down and press a gentle kiss to my smiling lips. "Hi!"
It's simple and sweet, but it doesn't fail to tingle in all the right places and a few wrong ones, for standing in the doorway at least. It takes a few breathless moments to drag back my mind from going down the path of Just drag him upstairs, movie be damned.
"Hi! Thank you, how did you know daisies are my favorite flowers?" The hand has not left it's spot on my back, now it's tracing maddeningly slow circles over the silky material of my dress as his lips turn upwards into a self-satisfied smirk. Maybe he picked up on the tiny flush on my cheeks or the imperceptible hitch of my breath when the thought of how much I'd like to discover how his hand would feel underneath all the silk. Heaven help me, I don't think I'll survive sitting next to him at the movies, smelling so heavenly and looking so delicious in his casual grey shirt and jeans.
"I used my impeccable deducting skills as a profiler, handkerchief and the name you picked out at Starbuck's and all that… so I took a wild guess. You should maybe put these in some water." Even if his arm wasn't wrapped around my waist with no intention of letting go anytime soon, I wouldn't trust my wobbly legs to take me to the kitchen without falling.
Dimly aware that we're cutting it kind of close to get to the movies on time, I can't resist the temptation of running my hands up the soft cotton on his chest and around his neck, toying with the hair on the back of his neck that I know will make his breath hitch.
"You're probably right… " Another hitched breath when I press my nose into his neck, pretending not to breathe in his aftershave too obviously. "But you look too handsome to let go just now." His bashful chuckle and an indiscernible mumble I think is supposed to be "Oh stop, you…" makes me smile into his freshly shaved, smooth neck.
"Guys. If you're going to make out in the doorway all night, can you at least close the door? It's getting cold in here!" The icy glare I shoot over my shoulder at Holly, leaned against the archway into the living room, arms crossed and smirk on her face, doesn't faze her one bit. "Besides, didn't you want to see a movie?"
Regretfully, the hand on my back leaves its spot the second she started to speak and I already miss its warmth, even though I'm sure it'll find its way back to that spot sometime later tonight anyway.
"I'll …uh.. put these in some water."
————
[ FM ]
I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to survive sitting next to Scully in that dress for almost two hours without a misdemeanor for public indecency, my heart still so elated from her calling me handsome. I'm glad I kept that embarrassed giggle to myself, guys don't get complimented even half as often as they'd like and most of the time it's in answer to telling a woman she's beautiful, with a 'You don't look so bad yourself.' Which doesn't even feel half as good as a genuine compliment.
In my daze after our close encounter at the door, I somehow manage to remember on our way to the kitchen that I haven't told her how absolutely amazing she looks in her dress yet. A gross oversight I correct immediately, earning myself an embarrassed giggle and the flash of a bright smile from Scully.
Daisies placed in a glass vase and decorating the girls's kitchen table from now on, we're finally off to the movies, just a tad later than planned. The whole car ride, my hand clutching the steering wheel itches to place itself on the exposed skin just above her knee, if I wasn't so sure not to run a red light or two with that kind of distraction.
————
[ Felix ]
I stare at the big clock in the foyer of the movie theater in horror, watching the minute hand inch forward bit by bit, growing more antsy with every passing minute. It's already 6:20pm and I'm actually so antsy, I've already stuffed half of my popcorn bag into my mouth and drank a good part of my soda.
"What if they're not coming?" Suzie whispers to me anxiously for the thousandth time tonight, only adding to my own worries.
Then, after almost an eternity, my heart leaps into my throat beating so hard I can actually feel its erratic beating in my neck, I spot Dad's head over the crowd of people waiting for the movie to start. He's wearing the biggest grin I've ever seen on his face, but even when I crane my neck and shift left and right, I can't see who he's talking to. Darn it, why do I have to be so short?
Time stops for me and the racing heartbeat in my throat when the crowd parts just enough for me to see and what I see makes me wish I never came to this stupid movie theater in the first place.
With a painful twisting of my stomach, a thousand times worse than when Simon kicked me in there at recess one time, I discover that the person he's got his arm wrapped around, leaning down to whisper something in her ear that makes her laugh, is no other than Miss Scully. My Miss Scully!
The other people's laughter, the crunch of their popcorn, the rustling of the tickets in their hands, the teenage-boy yelling behind the counter - "Do you want butter on that popcorn?" - are far too loud in my ears as the world as I know it shatters into a million pieces right before my eyes.
No, no, no, this is not happening! This is not my dad, pulling my Miss Scully into a kiss with a hand on her cheek, ruining what I thought would be just a fun story to tell in the future, how I cleverly found out the identity of a stranger.
Frozen to the spot, I stare at them in open-mouthed shock, hands clenched tightly around both popcorn and cup, holding my breath in hope of waking up from this nightmare. I count to ten slowly, expecting to open my eyes any second to find myself back in my room, in the safety of my warm bed, my world in which my dad would never lie to me still intact.
Christmas. Since Christmas, all they did was lie to me, sneaking around behind my back, probably snickering at my attempts to uncover the secret identity of Squirrel, who was under my nose all along, stupid baby Felix was just too blind to see it.
“Felix!” Suzie squeals out next to me, jumping back from the splashes of my soda cup and the few kernels of popcorn I didn't even realize I've let go of. The sound of my name turns Dad’s head sharply, searching the crowd until our eyes lock across the crowded room, shocking me back into action.
Trampling over my scattered, soda soaked popcorn, weaving my way past the laughing people, past Dad who I see out of the corner of my eye is pushing his way through the crowds himself, past the coat-check and out the double doors onto the busy street.
A huge, ugly ball of emotions is burning a hole in my stomach and my chest is painfully tight, the stiff January breeze freezing the hot tears on my cheeks in seconds
I’ve already made up my mind on my way out, the only clear thought I’m able to make in my confusion. I'm running away.
From the two people I thought I could trust, but who've lied to me for weeks, to the only safe place I can think of. Grandma's house. It can't be that far to run to, I think, but I might have to stop and ask a stranger for directions to New Haven. “Hi, I’m Felix and I’m lost, can you help me please?”
Over the sounds of the bustling of a city full of strangers that have no idea why a little boy without a coat is tearing down the sidewalk, I can hear Dad's hot on my heels, calling out my name over and over, yelling for me to please stop.
Ignoring his pleas in a blind panic, I run as fast as my little legs will go, if I can only get across that street, onto the square, I can disappear into the crowd and never go back.
Just when I think I've almost made it, two familiar arms around my waist scoop me up from the sidewalk, effectively stopping all my plans to start a new life with Grandma. No! Let me go! I need to get to Grandma's house!
Kicking and screaming stuck in the worst tantrum of my life, the people passing by glance our way uncomfortably, I claw at his arms to break free from the death grip he keeps around my waist. The will to fight leaves my body with each kick and every scream until I've tired myself out enough for Dad to set me back down onto the sidewalk.
Trembling and freezing cold, I let Dad turn me around to surrender into the only safe space I’ve known my entire life. Sobbing all the hurt, the fear, the betrayal and the confusion into the shoulder of his shirt that smells like our laundry detergent, his familia Dad-smell, safety and home.
His hands stroking my back and my hair are so familiar, I instinctively wrap my arms around him too, clinging to him like a baby Koala bear. "I'm sorry, Felix. I'm so sorry.," he apologizes into my hair over and over again, he sounds so genuinely upset, I slowly, very slowly, start to believe him.
After having my world turned upside down and then turned right side up again in just a few minutes, I'm suddenly so very tired and also really, really cold without my coat to keep me warm.
"I want to go home, Dad." I admit quietly into his shoulder, casting a glance at the group of people standing a little off to the side with anxious faces, the most anxious and guilty of all is Miss Scully, arms wrapped around herself shivering so hard in the cold, I feel really bad for her for a moment. No! I'm the victim here, silly little Felix who's always kept out of the loop of anything important. Did they ever stop to think about me, at all?
“Okay, come on, I’ll take you home baby!” I’m too weak to give my usual protests of being called ‘baby’, hiding my blotchy face from the outside world in his neck as Dad picks me up effortlessly and carries me back inside to retrieve our coats.
The others follow without a word, unsure of what to do with themselves right now. Suzie and her mom excuse themselves shortly after shrugging on their coats, clearly uncomfortable by the sudden turn of events, and head back home.
Still dazed and confused, I let Dad place me onto my car seat and buckle me in, something he hadn't had to do in years, ever since I figured out how to do it all by myself.
I glance over his shoulder to the movie theater entrance to spot Miss Scully still standing there, alone, looking just as sad and lost and small as I feel right now, which gives me a little guilty pang to the stomach. Because deep down, even if I’m mad and sad at the same time for what they did, I hate seeing that look on her face. After all, I’ve made it my mission a long time ago to make her smile as often as possible, with jokes and stories and fun facts - and a good agent never abandons his mission, I know that from Dad!
She turns to leave as well, where to I have no idea, because she clearly came here with Dad and is definitely not dressed warm enough for a walk back to our town. I don't want her to go home by herself all sad and I really don't want her to freeze to death, either!
In a split second, I've made up my mind, swallow around the lump in my throat and tap my dad's arm to get his attention.
"Hey… Dad? We can’t let her walk home by herself! Can you ask her to come, too?" Unnecessarily, I point to who I mean with her, even though I'm pretty sure Dad knows exactly who I mean.
————
[ FM ]
This night started out as a dream come true and somewhere along the way, it derailed into an absolute nightmare. The guilt about Felix finding out about our relationship like this sits like a boulder in the pit of my stomach, his reaction almost broke my heart in two. And now, even in all his inner turmoil, he doesn't want Scully to leave on her own, which makes the guilt even worse.
"Scully, wait!," I call out to her, jogging over to where she stops, a surprised look on her face. This all went so horribly wrong in all ways possible and I have no idea what to say, except to relay Felix's request nestled in-between a tumble of apologetic words.
"I'm so sorry, for all of this, I had no idea Felix was going to be here and I'm sorry you had to see his reaction and the scene we've caused and now he wants you to come home with us too and I completely understand if you don't want to because this is all so much and-" I'm rambling because I'm afraid that the second I stop talking, she'll tell me I must be crazy, she didn't sign up to deal with the emotional outbursts of a seven-year old - I've been on the receiving end of many a 'Thanks, but no thanks, I'd date you if you didn't come with a son in tow'. And then, with a reassuring squeeze of my hand and two simple letters, I'm once again proven wrong in my predictions.
"Okay."
————
[ Felix ]
The car ride back to our house is one of the most uncomfortable ones I've ever had, we're all too lost in our own thoughts, processing. I think I've never heard silence quite this loud.
My mind is going a mile a minute, a million questions popping into my head all at the same time that I'm not quite ready to ask yet. I feel like I've been thrust into the deep end of the pool, without water wings or floaties, my two worlds colliding so hard, it makes my head spin.
Part of me is still stuck on being angry about them lying to me, part of me is awfully scared that everything will change from here on out, but during the silent car-ride, a small voice creeps into my head that innocently asks if I ever thought about this maybe turning out to be a good thing. I need to make a pro and con list, to make up my mind once and for all. Yes, that's what I'll do.
Not tonight, though, tonight all I can do is shuffle droopy-eyed and yawning widely on the short walk into our house and all I can think of is tugging my dad upstairs to brush my teeth and tuck me into my waiting bed.
Half-way up the stairs, I realize with a start that I've forgotten to do something, something very important that makes me turn back around even though I can practically hear my bed calling out my name.
Wrapping my arms tightly around the very special person still standing in our front hall in her coat and heels, who hugs me back after a brief moment of surprise.
"Goodnight, Miss Scully!"
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The One Where Denki And Mina Think Katsuki Needs To Be A Softer, Nicer Boyfriend, And An Insecure Katsuki Agrees, But [Y/N] [L/N] Doesn't Want A Nicer Boyfriend, She Wants Him.
Requested By: @spicyhokage
Edited: 1-6-2021
It was late when Katsuki came in through class 2-A's dormitory doors. Being his second year at UA the school was allowing students to go back into student internships. With Best Jeanist still off the streets, Katsuki wound up interning with Fatgum, using the link between Eijirou and him to get in. Katsuki hadn't expected to be out for so long, there had been a bad villain that showed up at a different agency and it was a perfect match for both his and Fatgum's abilities. Fatgum had allowed Katsuki to work on it with him, nevermind the fact that Katsuki had already planned a study date for your upcoming test Monday, he jumped at the chance to work with the heroes.
Katsuki knew, or at least he hoped, that you wouldn't be that mad or upset at him for ditching you at the very last minute. It was a leg up in the hero industry, it was a helping hand, he could make more connections and improve his skills. As a student hero, you should know how important this is. He'd want you to make the same choice if it was reversed.
Despite abandoning your date, Katsuki wasn't heartless. He bought a bouquet of hydrangeas as an apology. Apologies weren't something he was good at, but he hoped you would accept it. Katsuki was hoping you would be up waiting for him in the dormitory lounge when he came back, but he knew that one was a longshot. He'd rather have you in bed resting, or making up for the studying he promised to help with but hadn't. Katsuki was hoping he'd find you in the dormitory lounge waiting for him, but instead, he found two of his peers.
"You were out awfully late, weren't you?"
"Shut it, pink face. I need to go see [Y/N] and then head to bed, like a smart student. You and dunce face do realize that we have a big test Monday, don't you?"
Katsuki marched right past Mina and Denki, who were sitting on the couch, towards the elevator to get up to your dorm. If he was right, Mr. Aizawa would be asleep by this hour, and getting into your dorm would be no issue. Katsuki stopped walking towards the elevator when he hears Minas' voice speak out again.
"Did you really get hydrangeas for her? You ditched her for your internship and you got hydrangeas? Girls like roses Katsuki. If a guy ever brought me hydrangeas, I'd kick his butt to the door. Queens deserve better."
"What the fuck are you implying raccoon eyes?"
Katsuki turned back around to yell at Mina for implying that he wasn't good enough for you. He nearly crumpled the flowers by clenching his hand. Mina didn't know what she was talking about. He had brought you hydrangeas several times before, you never complained about it. Denki spoke up to try and intervene Katsuki from blowing up on Mina.
"I think what Mina meant to say is that we're just worried for you. You really like [Y/N], right? Take it from a guy who gets dumped by girls a lot. Pretty girls like [Y/N] don't need to sit around waiting for guys like us. While you're trying to further your career you're ditching her, not to mention, when is the last time you showed her affection?"
"For starters, dunce face, don't call my girlfriend pretty. Secondly, there are no guys like us and girls like [Y/N], there's me, her, and all of you fucking extras that need to get out of my relationship."
"Fine, don't take our advice. Just so you know, [Y/N] isn't in her dorm, she's in the kitchen."
Mina practically sings her words out, and Katsuki changes his course of route from the elevator to the kitchen. He had a scowl on his face the entire time, courtesy of Mina and Denki. He had to restrain himself from beating them with the bouquet. Katsuki reached the kitchen door and he took a minute to recompose himself from his previous anger to a calmer version of himself. He pushed the door open with a calmer smile on his face but stops after opening it halfway.
"What's the answer to number two?"
"Uhm... 6?"
"That's right! Here's your reward."
Katsuki clenched his fist, practically ruining the flowers. He ditched you and your study date, he shouldn't be getting so mad at seeing you and Deku study together. You can have friends other than him. You can be around members of the male gender other than him. Even if it is shitty Deku. You're allowed to have a life outside of Katsuki, but as Deku broke apart a cookie and threw it right into your mouth, a sweet reward for getting the question right, he was ready to toss hands with the boy.
"We're gonna ace this test Monday. Thanks for studying with me Deku. I hate studying alone and you're great at math. Usually, Katsuki helps me, but he got busy."
"It's no problem, [Y/N]. Seriously, I'm always here if you need me."
Katsuki quietly pulled the door shut instead of going in and interrupting you and dumb Deku. Maybe Mina was right. Katsuki thought about it more as he walked back to Mina and Denki. He didn't really show you affection that much, and he did spend a lot of time in the gym or at his internship. His idea of a date was training together or studying. You probably hated the flowers but chose not to speak on it. If he didn't change, change now and fast he was going to lose you to that shit-munch. He needed to show you he was the better more deserving man. As Katsuki stared at Mina and Denki he uttered the words he never wanted to say to them.
"I want your fuckin' help."
"Bring [Y/N] roses. Girls love roses. Not a daffodil, not baby's breath, not a tulip. Roses."
Roses were Mina's first piece of advice to Katsuki. According to her, girls only cared about getting roses, and every other flower was inferior. She also said apology flowers must be paired with chocolates. Katsuki personally thought that was bullshit. He had been bringing you different breeds of flowers throughout your entire relationship and never once had you vocalized disdain for it. But Mina is a girl unlike him, so she must have had some kind of special insight. You must have just not wanted to make him feel bad for messing up. Katsuki knew he was inexperienced in the dating area, but he hadn't realized he was screwing up so badly.
Katsuki did exactly what Mina said. Saturday afternoon, Katsuki showed up at your dorm with a bouquet of yellow roses and a box of chocolates, the milk chocolate kind. According to Mina, milk chocolate was better than dark chocolate. He knocked on the door after checking his phone for the time. He knew you didn't like getting up early on the weekend, and you had been up late studying the night before. Twelve-thirty seemed like a reasonable time to stop by.
You opened the door, slippers on your feet, eyes barely opened, and a crinkled forehead as you tried to slightly open them to see who you were staring at. You had a pair of shorts on and one of Katsuki's sweatshirts. One you promised you hadn't seen and swore he must've lost in the dorms laundry facility. Katsuki smiled down at your sleepy form, you were adorable. Once you registered who it was you yawned and crossed your arms as you lazily leaned against the door frame and let a small smile cross your face.
"What're you doing here? You were out so late last night, you must be exhausted."
"I could say the same about you, you look like the epitome of tired. How late were you up?"
"No later than two. When did you get in?"
Katsuki didn't want to tell you he came in at midnight. You would've asked him why he didn't come to see you, and he didn't want to say that he saw you and Deku studying together. He didn't want to admit that he felt pained at seeing you together so close. Pained at you needing and using Deku as you would him. Katsuki held up the roses and chocolates and thrust them into your arms.
"I didn't even check the time. I brought you apology flowers and chocolate for ditching you. They're roses!"
"O-Oh, they're yellow."
You took the items he thrust into your arms and moved further into your dorm so he could come in. You set the chocolate down on the bed but kept observing the flowers. Katsuki was quite proud of the flowers he picked out. They were pretty and blooming, and he thought you'd like them. Yellow roses would look good in your dorm room. You, on the other hand, were not ecstatic with the flowers. You bit your lip and tried to make your smile bigger. Did he know what yellow roses symbolized? He had to of known, even Denki would know something this simple. Maybe you were reading into it too much, they're just flowers. It was a gift, not a death sentence to your relationship.
"I'll have to go to the kitchen and see if there's anything I can put them in."
Katsuki could sense you being standoffish. He assumed you were upset at him for ditching you the previous night. He did the flowers right, he would just have to go the extra mile to make you happy with him by serving your needs.
"I can go to the kitchen and find a vase! You just shower or get dressed, or whatever, and I'll even bring you up some lunch."
"You don't have to do that. I can get dressed and do it myself."
"I don't have to do it, I want to do it."
Katsuki cupped your cheeks and pressed a quick kiss against your lips. They were soft and sweet. Katsuki could taste the residue sugar from the cookies you had been eating the night before and he pulled back with a frown, making you frown just as much. He wasn't mad that you didn't brush your teeth, although you should have. He was upset at the reminder that Deku was with you when you were supposed to be having a study date. He was upset that Deku was the one who stayed up with you until two in the morning. He was upset that Deku was acting like a better boyfriend when he was just your friend and nothing more. Katsuki should've been doing more, he should've been doing a better job.
"I really am sorry for ditching you yesterday. If you want, we can redo the date today."
"I really missed you yesterday. I did some cramming with Deku, but I don't think he's as good of a teacher as you are."
"Of course dumb Deku isn't as good as me. I'll grab my books before I come back, we'll have a nice do-over date."
Hearing you say that Izuku wasn't as good as him made him feel good. It was slightly reassuring to Katsuki, yet he couldn't stop this budding feeling every time he thought about you and Izuku studying last night.
"Buy her something nice. Something nice like jewelry. I always see you buying her practical stuff, that's boring. Girls like pretty shiny gifts from their boyfriends."
Mina's second piece of advice had been to buy you some jewelry. According to Mina jewelry was an acceptable gift for a boyfriend to buy his girlfriend. Katsuki had been buying you practical and weird gifts throughout your relationship. He thought they were good, he thought they were sweet and enjoyable. He supposed he was wrong. With every piece of advice from Mina, Katsuki was getting punched in the gut. He thought he was treating you right, he thought he was doing this whole relationship thing right, but he wasn't. If he didn't fix things fast then dumb Deku would steal you away from him.
Katsuki felt inside of his pocket for the necklace he bought you. He had Mina help him pick it out that morning. It had been sitting there in a pretty little black box with a red bow waiting to be opened. He wanted to give it to you when he gave you the flowers, but he didn't want you to view it as an apology gift, he wanted it to be viewed as a sweet, 'I was thinking of you', gift.
By the time Katsuki had gotten back to your dorm room, you were all showered and dressed in fresh clothes. You were wearing comfortable clothes, and Katsuki had to smile again. You looked simply perfect. With your hair pushed back by a headband, sweatpants, and another one of his sweaters which you practically swam in, you looked angelic to him. Katsuki put a bag containing your lunch on the small table you had in your room, he placed the vase containing your new flowers there too before pulling out your lunch. You grabbed his book bag from him with a smile and began to pull his books out and place them alongside yours in a neatly organized fashion to create a nice study space.
"What'd you find for lunch?"
"There wasn't much in the fridge to quickly grab, so I made some curry."
"I love it when you cook. It always tastes good."
You smiled at Katsuki and placed a quick peck against his cheek before taking a seat next to him. His chest swelled with pride as he watched you freely dig into the container of food. You liked his cooking, and as he watched you feast in it he knew you weren't lying. At least he did one thing right on his own. One more wrong thing and he was sure he was going to blow a casket.
"Aren't you gonna eat?"
You stared at him with half-lidded eyes and spoke with your mouth half full, barely pronouncing your words but Katsuki still knew what you were saying. He stopped staring at you and began working on his own dish. Every once and a while Katsuki noticed your eyes go from your food to his face and then to the flowers before diving back to the food. He supposed you really liked them. It felt good knowing he was doing it right. It felt good knowing you were happy and content with him for the moment.
You wiped your face off and just as you were about to clean up your lunch mess Katsuki jumped up and took care of it. He grabbed your lunch containers and closed them before tossing them back into the bag he brought them in. He took a wet wipe and wiped up your table and then proceeded to toss the dirty wipe in the trash bin.
"Ready to study?"
"Yup! You're a really good teacher, I really look forward to our study dates."
You walked over to your bed and took a seat on the ground whereas Katsuki laid across your bed in a position where he could have a book out and also easily look over the edge to see what you were doing. This was how you always did your study dates. Katsuki would work and watch to see if you were slacking off, then you would switch books and quiz each other. Slowly the clock clicked away, each passing second made Katsuki grow antsy. He wanted to give you the stupid neckless he had inside his pocket. Katsuki huffed as he slammed his book shut and pushed it off of the bed. You craned your neck back to see what Kastuki was doing before narrowing your eyes, no way did he think he could stop studying while he made you work.
"What are you doing? Are you studying up there?"
"No, c'mere."
You huffed as you pulled yourself up off of the floor and crawled onto the bed next to Katsuki. A mixture of blankets and skin touched you as he wrapped his arms around your body and pulled you so your back was flush against his chest. He let his head rest inside your neck, and you struggled to pull out of his grip.
"What are you doing? We're supposed to be studying."
"I don't wanna study right now. The test is Monday, we can still study tomorrow."
You bit your lip as you contemplated his offer. He had a point. The test was Monday morning, and it was only Saturday, not to mention that you had studied with Deku yesterday. The offer was just so out of character for Katsuki, part of you wondered if it was a trick and thought he was going to pull out a piece of rolled-up newspaper to hit you with like he did for Eijirou. You let yourself sink into his arms, you had been up to this for a while, you deserved a break.
"Okay, but only a small break. got it?"
"Mm. I got you something."
Katsuki pulled away from your body to dig in his pocket and pull out the small black box. You rolled over so you could face him and your gift with a growing smile on your face. You loved Katsuki's gifts. Whether it was intentional or not, he always got you something you needed. Whether it was you complaining about cold hands or your lack of working pens, the next day you would find gloves and a pack of pens with a note from him saying something stupid, like 'You better use these to take your shitty notes' and 'If you get arthritis in your hands you can't become a hero'. It was always a surprise and a delight. Katsuki handed over the box and you tore the bow off before opening it.
"It's a necklace!"
"Oh, it's very cute."
You tried not to frown as you looked over the necklace. You tried you're best to put a beaming smile on your face. It was still a gift and you needed to show your gratitude. It wasn't as conventional as your other gifts, but it was still pretty. Maybe it had a special meaning? Maybe he saw it and thought of you? It was just so unusual. He never bought you jewelry and the style was obviously not his.
"Did you pick it out yourself?"
You tried not to make it sound like you were fishing for an explanation as you smiled and clasped it around your neck to show how much you 'loved' it. Katsuki contemplated telling you he picked it out himself but seeing as you were friends with Mina he wasn't sure what she'd say and he didn't want to look bad.
"Well, I got a little help. Figured a female's perspective wouldn't hurt."
Suddenly you felt sick to your stomach. Not only had he given you a necklace, an unconventional and unusual gift compared to the ones he usually gave, but he let a girl pick it out. There was no special meaning, it was just pretty. Your mind went back to the flowers. The yellow roses. He bought you yellow roses. Your whole relationship he brought different breeds and types, never roses. Especially not yellow, the color that represented friendship.
"Thank you, I love it!"
You wrapped your arms around Katsuki, bringing him into a big, tight hug. Although you were with him physically, mentally you were in other places. That dark place in the back of your head was telling you why he gave you these offhanded weird gifts. The dark place in the back of your head was filling you with untrue silly thoughts, yet you couldn't help but let your head entertain them and wonder. The more you wondered, the more you wanted to rip your neckless off.
mina
Pop music could be heard blaring loudly from a BlueTooth speaker connected to Mina's phone as you walked into her dorm room. Without knocking you barged right in, Mina supposed there really was a reason you and Katsuki were together. You were both bluntly rude and sometimes you didn't even realize it. You flopped down at the foot of her bed and looked up at her before greeting your pink friend.
"Hey."
"Hi."
Mina didn't look up from what she was doing, she continued flicking through the pages of some fashion-forward girly magazine as she replied to you. You ran your fingers through her soft duvet as you looked around her dorm room. It looked like Claires threw up on the walls and it gave you a major headache. You and Mina had two different style sets, two sets of style very far apart.
"Did you study for the test tomorrow?"
Unlike her room, that was a subject that would give Mina a headache. Mina roughly flipped another page of the magazine she was holding as she let out an exhausted breath.
"No, and before you scold me neither did Denki. I swear Katsuki is rubbing off on you."
At the sound of his name, your hand went up and touched the necklace he got for you. You only wore it in case you saw Katsuki today, you planned to wear it for the next two weeks, then you'd pretend you lost it. You weren't a necklace kind of person, and it wasn't even sentimental. Mina tossed her magazine down on the bed and a smile played on her face as she saw the necklace between your fingers.
"That's a cute necklace? Did Katsuki get it for you?"
"Yeah, he did."
You answer Mina's questions and inquiries as you let the gem on the necklace slip out of your fingers. You couldn't help but let your face slip into a frown. You couldn't help it, the more you thought about the necklace, the further you fell into dark thoughts. It wasn't even the fact that it wasn't sentimental like all of the other gifts he gave you, it was the fact he let some girl pick it out. You weren't a controlling person, not remotely. If Katsuki wanted female friends he could have them, he did have them. While he wouldn't call Mina a friend, she was. Mina was a girl you felt comfortable with, however, you had already had a girl in mind of who you thought helped him, a girl who wasn't Mina. A girl you didn't feel comfortable with, a girl you knew you shouldn't feel comfortable with.
"Well, it's very pretty, if I had a boyfriend who brought me gifts like that I'd be over the moon. So I take it things between you and Katsuki are good then?"
"I guess, um, I just... I think Katsuki is cheating on me."
You started off in a stutter before you bluntly spoke out your words. The moment your voice hits your ears you cringe at yourself and cross your arms. It was such a ridiculous thought. A horrendous and dark thought that, lately, kept crossing your mind more often than it should be crossing and occurring.
"What? Why?!"
"He's just acting so strange and weird."
You pulled yourself up into a cross-legged sitting position on Mina's bed to talk to her. Mina moved and adjusted her own body, completely immersed in what you were saying. You played with your hand as your next words came out.
"Whenever he's out late he always, and I mean always comes to my dorm before going to bed. He didn't come to my dorm last Friday, instead, he shows up at my dorm Saturday afternoon with flowers."
"Flowers are sweet and romantic though. The fact that he bought them for you means he cares."
"Katsuki always brings me a wide variety of flowers. Hydrangeas, snapdragons, hyacinth. It's out of the ordinary and romantic, but this time he bought roses. Not just any roses, yellow roses. What kind of statement is he trying to make with that one?! Everyone knows yellow roses mean friendship and red means romance. Even Denki knows that."
Mina scratched the back of her head nervously. She supposed she should have explained to Katsuki to get red roses. Katsuki was unaware of things in the romance department. Mina needed to try and dial things back before Katsuki found out what you're thinking.
"Katsuki isn't very romantically smart, you're his first serious romantic relationship."
"Yeah, but we've been dating for nearly a year, and that's not even it. We were studying yesterday, and you know how strict Katsuki is when he's studying, you've seen him with Eijirou. Katsuki was not strict at all, he made me stop studying to cuddle. To cuddle! Can you believe that?"
"Well... Maybe he's trying to be sweeter to you, I mean look at the necklace he got you, it's so romantic."
"Don't even get me started on the necklace! Katsuki always brings me sentimental and meaningful gifts. He buys me pencil led when I'm low, and notebooks when he sees my paper is getting down to the end, he buys me gloves when he notices mine are lost or have holes. They're stupid and meaningful and I love it."
You ran your fingers through your hair distressed and upset. Yanking your hands through a few new forming snarls from laying on the bed, practically pulling some hair strands out.
"The necklace isn't meaningful, it doesn't have sentiment, and he didn't even pick it out himself! Some girl picked it out for him."
"Why, didn't he say who? It doesn't mean anything. The girl is probably a friend."
"I think I already know who the girl is. It's some stupid brunette from Shiketsu High. They met during his supplementary lessons, they met again after their internship heroes started working together regularly. She saw him when we were walking to get coffee and she just had to stop and talk to him, she was obviously flirting with him."
You had never felt more awkward at that moment. She was blatantly flirting with him, whether she knew that you were together or not, you didn't know. You didn't expect Katsuki to talk about his relationship during his internship, he was supposed to be working, but you didn't trust her. You knew from that moment the brunette was going to be trouble. She was interested in your boyfriend and that spelled out trouble to you.
"'had a little help' he says, staking her claim on what's mine I say."
"[Y/N], I don't think katsuki would cheat on you. He wouldn't do that."
Mina felt completely nervous. She hadn't realized you and she had such different opinions on romance and what was wooing and not. Katsuki was romantic, he was doing nothing wrong, she just didn't see it from your point of view. Mina had worried Katsuki for nothing and gave bad romance advice which resulted in you worrying. Katsuki was going to kill her, she needed to fix this.
"[Y/N], Katsuki loves you a lot, don't worry, okay?"
"Okay, you're probably right, I'm thinking too much. I'm going back to my dorm, try to get some studying in before the test tomorrow."
Despite the pink girl's words you still didn't feel good. As you stood up and walked to her door, you still felt a rush of negative thoughts and emotions. You still felt winded and emotional. You still felt hurt and fearful of your relationship. You felt the same as you did when you walked into her dorm.
You nervously tapped your leg up and down on the ground repeatedly as Mr. Ectoplasm and his copies passed out the scored math tests to the class. You supposed a quirk like that must be very useful as a teacher. You kept making little glances over at where Katsuki was sat and your heart clenched. You felt so ridiculous for suspecting he was cheating. You felt completely horrible. Mina was right, Katsuki loved you. Katsuki loved you and he would never cheat. The simple thought that he would was wrong, yet, this lingering feeling told you he was.
Maybe you should talk to him about it. Maybe you should tell him and express your fears and worries. It was better to talk about things like this, it was better to express yourself rather than locking it up and away, where it could fester and damage your relationship. You looked back over at Katsuki, who caught your glace this time and smiled at you. The smile made you feel sick and guilty for feeling this way. You would tell him how you were feeling after class. The sooner it was out in the open the better.
You turned back to your test sheet and frowned at the result. You got a forty. Forty. After all that studying you had received a forty. You wanted to be mad at Katsuki for not making you study harder, but you had studied with Izuku first hand. Maybe Ectoplasm would let you take a retest. Ectoplasm dismissed you all and you quickly folded up your test paper in half so no one could see your result as you exited. After you packed up your school bag you stood out in the hall and waited for Katsuki.
The nerves in your stomach churned. You didn't want to tell Katsuki the negative thoughts that were running through you, you didn't want to tell him how you had dark thoughts and worries about him cheating, but you had to tell him. You had to put your thoughts and theories to rest. Katsuki came out in the hall with his own test papers in hand and you both began to walk to your next class.
"What'd you score?"
"Got a ninety-two. You?"
"A forty."
You sighed as you clenched the paper in your hand. That was a D. Katsuki was on the fritz. He was trying to take Mina's advice. He wanted to be nice and softer to you like Mina told him he had to be, but he couldn't. You should've studied harder, he should've made you study harder. Katsuki gritted his teeth and took a deep breath to calm himself down before responding.
"You'll do better next time!"
"What is wrong with you?"
"What do you mean?"
You looked at Katsuki like he grew two heads. This wasn't your boyfriend, and you slightly wondered if Toga had infiltrated UA. He was never kind like this, he wasn't a positive person. He was supposed to yell at you. Tell you to study better. Tell you you needed to get good scores if you were going to become a hero with him.
"It's just a bad test score, not every score can be a baller."
"I failed my test, you're supposed to yell at me. Tell me I'm stupid, tell me to study more. Tell me anything but that fake positivity shit! You are not acting like yourself, are you cheating on me? Is this guilt? Are you guilty?"
"No! Fuck, no!"
Katsuki dropped his bag and wrapped his arms around you. That wasn't how you meant to tell him about the thoughts you were having. You wanted to tell him calmly and respectfully, you hadn't meant to flat out accuse him, your thoughts just need up tumbling out that way. Katsuki's own reassuring words came stumbling out in your ear as he tightly gripped you against him.
"You are perfect and beautiful, and so important to me. I would never cheat on you, I would never fuck up what I have with you. Why would you think that? I don't wanna make you feel that fuckin' way."
"I know that. I know you wouldn't, but you have been acting so weird and different."
"I need to be nice or else I'm going to lose you. I got insecure, but shit, I should be. You are so perfect, and you deserve roses and jewelry and the world. You deserve someone who cuddles you instead of studying and who doesn't make you feel like they're cheating and fuck-"
You pull out of Katsuki's tight grip and cup his cheeks. Your fingers skimmed over his skin tenderly as you stared up at his red eyes and noticed how watery they were. Your heart broke, you thought he was unfaithful but he was really just scared of losing you.
"I don't want you to be soft and nice. You already give me the world Katsuki. You make me study because you care about me. I don't want you to get me roses and Jewelry, I hate it, and I love the stupid little gifts you get me. You don't give me affection and cuddles, but you do other things, like waiting to walk me to class and making me food."
"You don't want me to be nicer?"
"No! Everything you do is already perfect. Everything you do shows me you care about me in your own way. I love the way you are, I don't want you to change."
Katsuki pulled you back into his arms and pressed a rough kiss against your forehead. He was doing everything right. He was better than dumb Deku, and your test score was proof of that. He wasn't going to lose you, Denki and Mina were wrong.
"Come to my dorm tonight, you need to study better dumbass."
It didn't matter that the whole class watched the exchange between you both. It didn't matter that Mina had screwed with your relationship and felt very relieved to have gotten off scot-free, for now at least. It didn't matter because all Katsuki cared about was the fact that he was a great boyfriend, the best. He didn't have to be softer, nicer. He didn't have to change, you liked it. You loved him, the way he was. That was all that mattered.
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Onlyoneof Compatibility: Junrie
Suns
Rie: Scorpio I'll try to be unbiased I swear
Mysterious, driven, water sign so driven by emotions. Fixed sign so stubborn. They love power and can be very strategic about getting it (you might even realize because it can be really subtle) They love to investigate things, get to the bottom of things, basically find the truth or deeper meaning. Don't shy away fr confrontation, not easily intimidated. They can be pretty secretive, they don't easily open up but would love to hear you talk about yourself and learn everything about you.
Junji: Aries. Fire, very driven, energetic, can be a bit childish. They're straightforward and want everyone to be as well. Naturally athletic, or at least meant to move their bodies (main dancer yesss) They tend to live in the now, don't think things through too long because they want to get moving. They know what they want and go get it, they can be very brave because they don't let anything stand in their way. They enjoy a challenge.
Moons
Rie: virgo, earth. They like stability and enjoy taking care of the little things in life like running errands. But they can also nag a lot😂 But if you show them appreciation they'll happily help you too. They really like feeling needed and helping, they'll probably be the first to jump in if someone needs help. They really like living simple, unassuming lives. They can be easily overwhelmed and worry a lot. They thrive on routine. They can get restless and nervous but love to analyze and are detail oriented. They shy away from new people, can be stiff about affection, but show their affection through small gestures. Reliable, good for advice. They can be quite shy in love. Very interested in others problems and can be skeptical.
Junji: leo, fire again. Often not outgoing but like being the center of attention with those they're close to. They like to organize and be in control of their group. Very creative but can be bossy. Jshfjsnjf they need a lot of love and care to function😭😭 (is this why he's so cuddly) They can be very dramatic if hurt, with big displays. Very proud and don't like being controlled. Not easy to change their mind or their plans. Strong sense of fairness and justice. Apparently these are cuddly mfs
Mercury
Rie: scorpio am I reading myself I'll be unbiased I swear😂😂
So they really love finding answers, getting to the deep truths, constantly learning. But it goes to places other don't dare go or haven't even thought of. VERY observant. They hate anything and anyone superficial and tend to see right through it. They can be suspicious and pessimistic. Great communicators, but can be prone to lecturing, but are passionate about giving advice. They are best at judging when they aren't personally involved. The secretive scorpio nature likes to keep their own secrets hidden. It's Very hard to win an argument against them. But when they aren't emotionally involved they are very lucid. VERY protective of those they care about, and will defend them with anything they've got. Prone to jealousy, they tend to expect the worst from others. They love mysteries and challenges.
Junji: Aries, is this whole man fire!?!?!
Quick decisions, they don't like mulling things over because they don't have the patience and need instant gratification. Very direct communication...again. Rip this boy is Not subtle. Can be agressive-fire- especially when they are opposed. Childlike. They can be sensitive and defensive. Not detail oriented. Truthful and direct but innocent and enthusiastic. Idealistic/ optimistics. They love new things: opportunities, ideas, challenges. But they might drop old things for something more exciting. Motivating and fun with infectious enthusiasm.
Venus
Rie: Libra: air, a big change.
This boy is so soft oml. Will try to impress you with their kindess😭 They can be very gentle and exact which can come off as insincere. They always go for the middle ground and expect to be treated fairly. They will make concessions to make the relationship work. Any imbalance will make them unhappy and slowly wear them down. They could express this is underhanded ways.
Junji: Aqua, Air another big switch. Open minded, unique, and rebellious and want everyone to know, especially the object of their affections. They really like being recognized as being different. They like unconventional relationships which can mean a lot of things depending on their circumstances and culture. They don't like any restrictions, don't follow anyone's path. They really want to break the mold even in shocking ways, but they can also come off as cold or stand-offish. They want their lover to also be their friend. They also want someone to appreciate their mind and ideas. They need room to be themselves and they'll give you the same.
Mars
Rie: Virgo: earth, productive, goal oriented. They like to do a lot of things, can be stubborn or particular about the way they do things. Not one to anger but when pushed they can nag A Lot. Sensitive. They can be nervous and restless. They need to be busy or they really struggle. Shy and humble especially when they don't feel knowledgeable enough, but they are curious and will want to learn everything they can.
*Sex- healthy views of sex. Simple and sweet. Attracted to people who have gone unnoticed. Like a person's imperfections. Very attentive. Like to care of the other. Sub. Very curious.
Junji: Aries...wow junji just🔥🔥🔥🔥 Ok so lives in the present, can be quick to anger but it's quick to pass. Impulsive. They go in and out of crushes fast😂 "they feel alive when they have someone to desire" good lord. Spontaneous as always, quick decisions, hardly deliberates on anything. They don't like when life is predictable so they're always going and trying new things. Relationships with them are exciting but hard to keep. Very impulsive. Again they're very direct and hate when others are anything but that.
Sex: spontaneous. Like an innocent/ pure partner 💆🏼♀️ Agressive, love a conquest. It literally says they like their hair messed with EYE
Bonus: north nodes
Rie: libra rip it's me again. So he needs to learn cooperation and trusting others. He's comfortable in Aries, aka being independent and doing everything for himself. He can be selfish but he's meant to be in relationships. That will make him feel whole.
Junji: virgo. So he's basically supposed to get his head out of the clouds and not only follow his inner voice. He's comfortable in the dreamy pisces but he has to learn how to keep his feet on he ground and observe. Can be sensitive to the world.
*Messy thoughts and summary*
They both probably wake up early and enthusiastically take on the day, that's so cute.
They both love organizing and hate a change of plans 😂😂
They both love a good challenge
Rip Rie really likes to think things through while junji just goes. This could either drive them insane or they could balance either other. I think junji would understand ries thoughtful nature tho because of his leo moon
So junji doesn't like being controlled and is care free and Rie isn't controlling but likes taking care of the day to day. It could be perfect. Junji can be free and rie can take care of things.
So Rie is very Very detailed and junji is not at all.... Which is complimentary if they don't try to change the other
Junji is that childlike optimist that Rie needs. Could really help him kind of unwind or just enjoy things/ have fun, be carefree. But also Rie could help ground junji.
They just seem like a perfect match....in bed
Rie's slower moving nature could drive junji insane but that's not a guarantee 😂
I'm emotional. Junji literally is meant to learn and become more like Rie. That's called fate.
Lads rie's soul is comfiest in junjis sun.... Hello. I wonder if he feels super comfy with him because he Understands him so deeply. But it's also a relationship and theyre learning all of these things from each other and they're genuinely Made to do that. I'm. Hahaha Soulmates wtf.
Rie overall is really just silently observes literally everything. He for sure knows everything about everyone and is just chilling, watching, learning.
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