#maybe if i put them in later after typing up long tags it wont show up

[bumbleblurr]

#wheelie #vid #ogh. do i put this in the main tags #maybe if i put them in later after typing up long tags it wont show up #ok I'll talk now then #wheelie just has the creature vibes to me. i look at him and go YIPPEE #hes my lil guy. my baby brother. my funny lil guy I'll buy mcdonalds for #transformers animated #tfa #zippy cube joke number 420

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

I Need Time To Relax And Cool Off...Going To Try Mediation.

[Note: do NOT Reblog Without Permission...and I mean it. please don’t.] 

I had to sign back in, to do some editing on one of the last posts I made....

I think I will wait until later tonight or tomorrow to sign back on to check out some art and other stuff on here....

I want to try to just do some reading, maybe to help keep my mind off of a certain thing that happen...

I just need to have time to myself to relax and try to feel less peeved off.

if I’m not on here tomorrow, it might mean I need a little more time to relax and cool down...

and have you ever felt at times, you don’t get any respect, like even when you clearly put a certain rule on the very top of the post, so those who don’t see it in the tags, don’t accidentally break it, now if it was by accident then you know they wouldn’t of meant for it to happen, and things can be worked out peacefully.

maybe I will feel more happy later tonight, but might still need time to be alone. 

I guess I am a bit more calmer since it had happen, but it doesn’t mean I’m still not happy with what I had found out...when I say do NOT reblog without permission, it be nice if that was fully respected, when it is said so on the VERY top of the post.

I wanted to talk to the one who made that mistake, but you know what, maybe there is no point in doing so right now, it might be best that I don’t right now.

I think I need time before I discuss the action they did when they reblog one of my posts without my permission.

also I want to point out, if the “do not reblog without permission” is purposely ignored, then that wouldn’t make me or anyone else happy who put that tag in a few posts for a reason....even if we might find some posts that we can allow to freely be reblog, so long as there is no rudeness in the reblog that might offend I or others who are the ones who had originally posted the work.

right now I wont do anything, and if I decide to let it go for right now, I might...

maybe it would be for the best that I let this one go for now, but give a warning.

the type of warning that I don’t want to have to resort to, and it starts with a “B”.

but maybe I don’t have to resort to blocking, maybe I just can only try to hope that it doesn’t happen again.

I can try to give them the benefit of the doubt, hope they do not do that again.

right now I will give them a chance, and hope things work out...

if I decide that I need a little more time to relax, I will take a little more time.

maybe I wont be back on here until maybe either the day after tomorrow or the day after that.

I just need to try to relax and try to take my mind off of what happen...

and once again, I will try to give them a chance and give them the benefit of the doubt....but I guess I am just tired.

I don’t think I feel up to talk to anyone right now...              

maybe I should just let it go for now, an hope it doesn’t happen again.

hopefully what I am reading at the moment, can help me feel some form of feeling better after what I had found out from one of the posts I had made before.

a part of me wants to talk to the person responsible for that reblog, but maybe I should just leave it be for now, and try to give them just one chance.

I’m still not happy that they seem to have ignored what I had wrote about not to reblog without my permission, but maybe I should try to hope they don’t pull that again and I will try to give them the benefit of the doubt...  

and if I’m feeling more better later tonight or even tomorrow, I might sign back on here later tonight or tomorrow....

maybe after reading, I will watch some episodes of my favorite shows and maybe watch a movie.....or maybe even go to sleep and hope to not wake up until the next day....though it is likely I would most likely just wake up a few hours later...

maybe I will sign back on tomorrow, I mean maybe I will feel much happier by that time, but I might decide not to post anything tomorrow even when I sign back on here to check out some art on here and I might wait a few days to post anything....and might have to post some plans on hold.

I guess we will see if I am fully okay by later tonight or tomorrow, if I sign on later tonight or maybe tomorrow.....but it might be possible I wont sign in later and might do so tomorrow.

maybe I can talk about my surprise when finding out the hospital I was born in, was a Catholic Hospital and it had Nuns in it.......seriously I had no freaking clue about that, and I had just found out...

and my family ain’t even Catholic, but I guess that doesn’t really matter.

still can’t tell my Mom about me being Aroaceflux (and I am Fictoromantic as well....), Nonbinary-Girl and That I am Neo-Spiritual and don’t really go by “Christian” anymore, even if I can still believe in God, and can believe in the good side to Jesus, but I believe in a Goddess now too....

then there is the thought of wanting to grab both Jesus and Antichrist by their ears if they do something that crosses a line....

and I am still gonna hope that Jesus is just a distant cousin, cause I know being his descendant had some bad info with it, and I already have to deal with being both Seth and Cain’s descendant, which since they are brothers....

that would kind of make them both Grandpas & Grunkles...

plus I still think it is more of a blessing to be King Solomon’s descendant, as well as his son Rehoboam.

so while I know it means that being a descendant of that line, I am not allowed to take that throne, but jokes on those who find that to be a curse....

it is more of a blessing now, because I rather not touch that throne....

and yeah then there is the whole who’s Cain’s “True Dad” is suppose to be....

and if it is true, well Cain’s “Dad” ain’t the boss of me....

no matter if he is “Grandpa” or not, I mean Adam is technically the Grandfather of half of humanity, but in theory there could of been more than just one Adam in the world.....he’s just the one who messed up with Lilith, and had those three Angels try to force her to return to him like she was not a person and was more of a property.

I can’t be the only one who finds something wrong with the info on how those Three Angels tried to force Lilith to return to Adam, like “No” wasn’t a answer they would accept....plus if it is true that Lilith ended up trying to harm new mother’s to be and even babies, unless they are protected in some way...

wouldn’t it mean those three angels were partly responsible....?

I wish I could slap Adam over the head....

like tell him he was being insensitive and it’s partly his and those three angels fault that Lilith fully fell....and yeah it might be possible that the reason why their stupid fight happen in the first place, because another angel had got into their heads and messed with them.

I can’t say that Lilith doing some wrong deeds later on, was the right choice.

but I can agree that she was treated badly, and those Three Masculine Angels are going to be part of the reason why I don’t fully trust all Masculine Angels.

and there could be only a few I could possibly trust...

some might not get it, but maybe some will understand....

at least the stupid Toxic-Feminine energy isn’t as high as the Toxic-Masculine energy....and the Toxic-Masculine energy is the way it is, because of the imbalance, and even if the good parts of the Masculine and Feminine energies are doing their best to be balanced, there is still that imbalanced....

I’m going to try meditation, ya know, just have my eyes closed while I listen to some music, like the songs by Agnes that are “Release Me.”

and “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart.”

I can just lay my hands on my lap while I have my eyes closed and try to do well that version of meditation when listening to those songs, and maybe even some other songs as well.

and if it hasn’t been obvious, my whole blood type being “O RH D Negative”

and my reading up on the whole Grail Children, does make me hope that I’m NOT Jesus’s descendant, and we are only distant cousins, still technically family, which that’s okay.

I may have said this before, but I guess I wouldn’t mind if Mary Magdalene was a Ancestress, but if she had children with Jesus, then there is that whole other thing that I had mentioned before.

some might think that “but wouldn’t being his descendant be awesome, why wouldn’t you be happy about that...?”

I mean yeah it would, if it didn’t have it’s down side, which is why I’m hoping we only distant cousins.....we are both descendants of King David, who in my view wasn’t a very good dad to Tamar....

and for all we know, she could of been a Earth Angel...

anyway maybe if I do some reading, and maybe even some other stuff like watching some episodes of my favorite shows and maybe watch a movie later...

it might make me feel more happy, and maybe I can try to do some meditation while listening to the songs I had mentioned.

I might sign back on later tonight or tomorrow, it depends on my mood I guess...                                        

and once more, I will try to give the person responsible for reblogging even when I said “not to do so”....and I guess I can give them “official permission” now but try to hope they don’t pull that again, and try to respect my feelings in the future....I wont say who they are, but at least another person who reblog my work before, and didn’t notice the “do not reblog without permission” really didn’t notice them at first, and we were able to work it out and I was able to give them official permission....

but the person who I’m talking about is a different matter, because I had clearly put the “do not reblog without permission” at the very top, so it couldn’t be missed.....

so either it was ignored or it was not seen, I’m not sure....

I will try to give them a chance, and maybe I can try to drop it for now....

anyway I will try to do the meditation in a few hours or so...                

#talking about feelings #my thoughts #i am peeved #need to calm down #meditation #do not reblog without permission

[dilvrc]

"sun and i are enemy" *proceed to get back into the house*

summary : them w a s/o who hate sun or cant go out when it was sunny because it'll make them sick

pairing : ran, baji, chifuyu, suna, kenma x reader ( separately )

warning : none

a/n : pretty much self indulgence since i always get sick when im playing under the sun for too long || I'll put keep reading thingy later after class

# RAN

he would understand you, for some reason i see him as the type who hate sun himself not because he would get sick but because he can't stand the heat and sweat

he would make sure one of you—usually him—have an umbrella and when the sun start shining brightly either of you just poof an umbrella

sometimes the both of you would play under the sun for a while yk running away from each others playing tags bla bla bla

but Ran would make sure you both did not play for a long time maybe after 30 minutes playing you both would cool down he would make sure you're okay and did not show any sign you're getting sick

but if you did get sick he would take care of you like a good boyfriend he is <33

# BAJI

mf wouldn't understand you at first like lets say its beach day w Toman *cheers* and they were allowed to bring their s/o *cheers#2* so Baji ofc would bring you along

so when you arrived you felt like you're in hell with the sun shining brightly people around making it more hotter you already feel lightheaded and then you being you took most of the things in Baji's hand ( mostly were umbrella, towel and bla bla bla equipment ) and set it up by yourself

after you were done you sat under the umbrella with sunglasses on in your left hand were a fan you brought.

Baji would look at you weirdly before shrugging it off

then when they were playing games like volleyball, playing tags you were under the big umbrella all the time and when they ask if you wanted to join you would politely decline

and then Baji in return would ask you to cheer for him which you did ofc nonchalantly like "go baji!" just like that

and when he drag you, ofc you play for a while then sneakily slip away from them back to your own paradise

then when you go home the next day you got sick and did not inform Baji make him a little concern and go to your house

and then you explain to him bla bla bla and then he take care of you and start planning indoor date w you for future purpose ofc

# CHIFUYU

if im being honest he actually noticed it before you were even dating—not in creepy yandere way ofc he usually spent his time observing you when you were around and lets say everytime you were hanging out w Toman or your friend

he would notice how you stay by yourself everytime everyone was playing under the sun

so he figure out you might not like sun or have something like getting sick, he would ask you once you get into a relationship, like a smooth person he is he would bring it up one moment when you're just chilling out under the AC then you would answer him then boom he was right

anyways he would plan a lot of indoor date just for you like cat cafe, study date ( even though you ended up didnt study at all ) and more ( idk anything about date )

anyways like Ran he would bring an umbrella just for you yk just in case it get too sunny he dont want his precious partner to get sick

when you feel like playing under the sun he would make sure you dont play around for too long and would check up on your just in case you were about to get sick

# SUNA

he suprisingly like being under the sun but hate when he get sweaty— even though he always get sweaty when he was playing volleyball but that was another story

i think he just think you dont like sun because who wouldn't but he didn't know you would actually get sick

so when he find out you would get sick ( it was during Inarizaki Sports Day when he find out you pass out from being under the sun for too long since your teacher forced you to join others— this definitely did not happen before ) he would take care of you ofc but he would tease you :D but also make sure he got all of your needs

then starting form there you two would have cafe date or movie date in either of your house, or maybe spending time cuddling and playing games ( if you play game )

# KENMA

he was okay being under the sun, but he prefer to avoid it since he also cant stand the heat

so when he find out you too dont like sun he was overjoyed that he doesn't have to spend much time outside, the both of you would spend time, watching movie or series, playing games together ( usually minecraft, mario cart or animal crossing but if you did play game like pubg, cod or bla bla bla you two would play against each other most of the time Kenma win but you did win maybe 2 out of 10 or 5 out of 10 games depending on your skills )

he doesn't have problem when you feels like playing outside he would accompany you playing around but it'll wont last long before you drag him inside or he drag you inside not wanting you to get sick

oh and if you dont feels like playing game he would have you on his lap or vice versa and watch him playing games, if you like to comment about his skills or whatever expect him showing his snack into your mouth when he was done listening to you roasting him

© dilvrc— no re-uploading allowed ; like and reblog are appreciated

#🍚.—yuen.heavens.cloud ☁️ #tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers headcanons #tokyo revengers x reader #chifuyu matsuno #chifuyu x reader #haikyu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu headcanons #ran x reader #baji x reader #baji fluff #ran fluff #ran haitani x reader #baji keisuke x reader #chifuyu matsuno x reader #suna x reader #kenma x reader

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Trophy Chapter Eleven

Masterlist

You try thinking for yourself and Daddy isn't to pleased and its going to end in tears.

Warnings: Adult Situations 18+, Smut, Angst, DDLG, DOM/SUB, Punishment, Spanking, Tawse, Crop, Ass play, Pacifier gag, Wetting, Wedgie, Toys, Humiliation, Overstimulation? and finally FLUFF cos we all need a bit of a cuddle after this shit.

A/N: So I am super nervous about this one...More so than anything I've done before just because of the wetting but it is what it is I've warned you all so read at your own peril. And this is long hence why I couldn't have it in the last chapter lol I hope this makes up for the last one though... I hope you all enjoy

Taglist:  @havenoffandoms​ @aphrodites-punch​ @charlieferret​ @thatgirly81​ @two-unbeatable-beaters​ @fitnees-motivation-2020​ @viking-raider​ @iloveyouyen​ @black-ninja-blade​ @strangerliaa​ @sofiebstar​ @thefangirlsblog​ @thatdamncutegirl

You fidgeted in the seat as Luke sat there smugly, he was pleased you had decided to come. Just a few more weeks and he would be free! free from that tyrannical mad man! no. He couldn't get to excited yet, weeks...It would be at least two before they drag him in to court and you'd sing on the stand! you'd come clean letting them know just how terrible it was to be kidnapped, to be forced into becoming a sex slave for Henry! God! Luke was so giddy he could taste the freedom...And maybe, just maybe if some of Henry's empire was left standing he could take the reigns himself. He looked over to you, you were quiet and different like you were on a mission it was slightly unnerving. You were angry and scared and confused... He could tell but there was a calm that he had only seen on Henry, he must have rubbed off on you...In more ways then one. Unable to take it anymore he broke the silence trying to dig for info. "You holding up there Princess?" you growled clenching her hands into fists still facing forward gulping, you looked wound tight ready to burst. Excellent. Hopefully you'd burst into tears as soon as they got there! what a show that would be! you come running in as a damsel in distress hell if that happened you'd be put into witness protection and he wont see you until the trial! he flinched as you snapped him out of his thoughts snipping at him in a tight angry voice, like a little hell cat hissing at him. "Don't! do not call me princess ever!" "Okay okay I'm sorry...That was thoughtless of me... I suppose you don't like that name huh?  I don't blame you though what he put you through and all" you turned to him rolling your eyes at him. Really? but once he started he couldn't seem to stop, unable to shut him self up. "Not-not that I'd ever understand what he has done to you..We hear it but... We try to stay away-" "Then your complaisant in it? you knew but never helped...You know what it's like? You ever think what it feels like to have someone use you? Play with your body like a fucking toy?...To force themselves on to it? into it? no, no you don't, you try not to don't you? You would rather just turn a blind eye and ignore the screaming girl up in the bed room...You run and hide away like a coward" your words were cold and bit into him, there was an animosity there that he had yet to see in a female was this it? the famed 'girl power' that reared its head in the most dire of circumstances...Shit you were holding up to well,all previous thoughts of a simpering damsel died at your sharp tone...Like ice picks cold and biting, he had to know what you were going to say before he got there to come up with some bullshit excuses. He moved uncomfortably at your words...They hit a little to close to home. "..You decided what your going to tell them?" You gave a tight smile he had no idea what you were about to do, that you'd already figured him out, the man new nothing of subtlety...He was nothing like Henry, he was trying to be but...No there was only one king in this city and he was currently being questioned, you turned to him again and nodded wanting to placate him for the time being. "Yes I have...Do you have the bail money...I don't want to be here to long" "Well that depends of what you tell, them-"you interrupted him he was to be quite frank doing your fucking head in and you needed to focus anything you said today was going to have to be perfect and vague, You shook your head tutting and looked at him exasperated. "I don't have much to say I won't be in there long" you moved your head looking out the window as the building passed you by you had to hold your nerve in there. Had to tell them what you wanted them to know...Nothing else, nothing more. Go in a quick statement and get out with Henry... And when he gets angry; which he will your going to drop Luke in the shit you've had enough of the lies. "Look I can-We can help each other if you'd just tell me what your going to say-" you growled out in annoyance and finally snapped at him. "Could you shut up? for two minuets?  just two fucking minuets?! fuck sake I'm going to deal with it okay..Just don't wanna wind up dead okay just ...Drop it" He got the message and kept his mouth shut the rest of the way not making a sound as he pulled up at the station you got out before Luke could stop you on a mission. You entered and made your way yo the front desk. "I'm here for Cavill are they done yet?" Luke staggered up behind you trying to figure out just what the fuck was going on. Why had you asked about Henry? Wasn't you about to throw him in the shit? you were supposed to throw him under the bus and set Luke free...Or was this cover to get an interview or something?The officer blinked looking to you then Luke before continuing in a bored tone. "And...Who are you exactly?" you steeled yourself trying to be more than you were, wanting to be taken seriously as an adult and...It had been a while since you had that, it was a little daunting. "His girlfriend and this is our driver...What's his bail?" The officer looked at you frowning then to the screen she began typing away giving you sidelong glances as if she knew you. a few moments later she turned back to you. "Err well nothing...Mr Cavill hasn't formally been charged he is still in questioning" you nodded and leaned forward slightly that didn't make sense Luke said? Oh shit!fuck fuck fuck! You should have just stayed home! You faltered realizing just how gullible youd been, if he wasn't arrested then that means the police really didn't have anything on him, you didn't need to make a statement to help Henry out! You quickly decided you needed to get out of here. Try to go wait in the car or something. "When will he be done? its been hours " The woman at the desk shook her head "I'm afraid I can't discuss that with you-" you nodded gojng to walk back out side but Luke gripped your arm in a tight grip, he would not let you walk out of here not when he was so close to getting his way! "I thought you wanted to give a statement about last night you are a witness...I'm sure they would like to here your account of what happened y/n" you swore panicked and tried wriggling out of his grasp but no i was too late. The officer blinked at Luke then to you slowly seemingly remembering something and pointed to you her face lighting up. "Wait Y/n? Your y/n y/l/n?" You frowned at her unsure how she knew who you were but nodded slowly uneasy you looked to Luke who just smiled at you. "Yes how did you?" She nodded to the missing persons board you were there dead center, that hadn't been there previously did they know? "I? What?" The officer got up walking around to your side she looked smug like the cat that got the canary as she came to a stop before you clasping your hands in hers. "We definitely need to take a statement from you, follow me" Luke gave a hard shove making you fall in step behind the officer, you glared back at him but he just stood there stuffing his hands in his pockets he looked pleased with himself as you sent one final glance over your shoulder as you were taken into a room alone with an officer. They would break you, you’d squeal, Henry would go inside and he would be free and take a decent retirement for Henry's stash!

Henry chuckled as he sat there refusing to answer the questions choosing to invoke his right to remain silent...He'd been here hours but he knew they cant keep him long. They have nothing, absolutely nothing on him! they never do. Stephan was mentioned so he knew that little twat was the one behind it..most likely pressing charges, or trying to press charges on him. nothing would come of it he wasn't there he was at home. "Did you have any contact with Stephan last night?" "No comment" was the droll from the bored man. "You did you were seen having an altercation with him last night at your restaurant...a miss Y/L/N was there to" that got his attention the officer smirked as Henry sat up now meaning business, but Henry stopped himself and smirked at the cunt infront of him. "No comment" "...did you know she has been reported as missing for nearly five months Mr Cavill?" "You fucking leave her out of it!" the officer smirked "So you do talk Mr Cavill...you know shes going to need to be questioned Stephan named her as an accomplice...did she know about this incident Mr Cavill?" Henry growled low and leand forward glaring angrily at the officer who flinched back suddenly not feeling so safe in his uniform.Good he shouldn't "No comment" "What is your relationship with miss Y/L/N?" "No comment" "Ah right that’s a shame... She said that your her boyfriend...Should I go tell her you wont even own up to that? it’d only take a moment...Shes giving a statement in the room over" "Bullshit she's at home" "Home? Your home because she isn't at hers" fuck Henry snarled at the little man trying to play a big game...officer rook by his tag...Officer Rook was going to have a nasty fall after all this. Henry's face must have said it all as something else was wrote down then looked up again smirking and carried on.

"So a missing woman you have no ties to is living in your home and calls you her boyfriend?" "Your tricks wont work on me shes at home" a sly smiled crept across officer Rooks face, he knew something Henry didn't and Henry wasn't happy. "Oh no your driver brought her here..Been in that room for just under twenty minuets...I wonder how much faith you have in her" Henry jumped up swearing loudly "Fuck you!" the officer smiled at him "Right well that’s all we needed today Mr Cavill your free to go we will be in touch" Henry was quick to stalk out of the room wanting to get to Luke asap he stopped short as you were escorted out of the room next to him a female officer patting your shoulder. "That’s all miss Y/L/N thank you for your cooperation..We will be in touch if we need anything else" Henry froze his blood ran cold as he watched you move away from the officer you turned and lit up.You little Bitch

You were escorted into a room sitting down with another woman a kind looking woman. She was down giving a convincing smile but you didn't buy it they wanted you to throw Henry under the bus. She offered you a drink but you refused and took a seat instead. "Now..Miss y/l/n we are going to just ask you some questions today about last night? Okay? And if...If there is anything anything at all that you want to let us know we will listen...We have...Ways to keep you safe...Okay?" You nodded deciding it'd be best to play meek little woman for the time being. "Right did you see Stephan last night?" wow she wasn't wasting any time was she? you nodded no point in beating around the bush you wanted this over. "Yes I did" she moved shuffling her papers getting ready for some juicey info no doubt. "Can you tell me about that? What happened?" "He came to the restaurant...Must have followed us there wanted me to take him back, groveling really I said no" she nodded writing down your answer "And by us you mean you and?" "Henry..Me and Henry were having a date night somehow Stephan found out and got in, he wanted me to go back to him...He is my ex and can't move on...He was escorted out after I told him to leave...I don't want to see her again" she hummed writing down everything you said. "So Henry is your boyfriend?" and here we go, twisting the topic trying to find out as much on Henry, last nights incident a ruse to get you in here, just as you expected. You fluttered your lashes like a woman in love, excited and happy you didn't want her to know you knew what she was up to. "Yes! we have been together for a few months...Its serious..Think he might be the one! But Stephan is bitter over it, he doesn't like Henry would do and say anything to split us apart...Stephan and I ended on a bad note" she nodded fraighning a sympathetic look she didn't really give a fuck she wanted dirt on Henry. "A difficult break up?" you shook your head at her this was not going to fall on you! "Sudden...I he had been lying to me and using me I found out and left he wasn't happy...He followed me about scared me then one day he saw me with Henry and I was happy and he got worse" she quickly scribbled down a few more sentences. "And you said you'd been with Henry for a few months...Does that have anything to do with your disappearance?" You faltered heart pounding away did you? Should you? Your mouth went dry.This was it...the moment you could...you frowned should you do it? You came here to get him out, you had no real reason to protect him or give him loyalty.? Accept you loved him...Did you? Was it real this time....There was a painful jab that hit your chest when you thought about never seeing the beautiful man again, it was fleeting but it solidified our resolve. As you opened your mouth to answer she spoke quickly trying to sway your decision. She moved placing a hand on yours on the desk. "Y/n? Are you okay? You can tell me...We can help you" you blinked and slipped your hand back and down into your lap. "No I'm fine I-I was hiding from Stephan... I knew he wouldn't stop bugging me, looking for me and Henry he offered me a place to stay and I've been there ever since we...We fell in love and that was it..." you took a deep breath she didn't believe you but she couldn't discredit you. "So you live with Mr Cavill consensually? Of your own free will?" "Yes I do...I love him..." her face went tight and twitched she wasn't happy. She quickly changed her tone sounding a little snippy with you. "And why now? Why come out here now?" "Because Stephan is trying to ruin my happiness... As far as he is concerned if he can't have me no one can...I'm not sure what he is accusing Henry of...But he didn't do it he was with me all night" she perked up at that looking at you intently "All night? are you sure that he didn't slip away? For ten? fifteen minuets?" you shook you head at her giggling a little. "No he didn't, I'm never left alone when we play" she faltered not understanding what you meant. Good, this will make for an awkward conversation that she will want to end. "Play?"  you smiled blushing a little at her and shifted in your seat. "We have a particular interests... But I can tell you he was with me last night...We had a very intense night" that made her even more confused...And you thought you were being pretty clear so shes either innocent or just fucking dumb! "I don't understand? I'm afraid we need more then that...We need a reason" You looked around the room sighing fuck, fuck fuck! Your gaze traveled back to her your eyes squinted she was pissing you off. "I err...Its embarrassing" you went silent for a few moments looking to your lap picking at your skirt your confidence draining did they need to know...but it was the truth. "Everything is confidential? Right...just-just you and me no one else?" She lightened up sitting a little straighter in her seat thinking you’d changed your mind and was about to tell all.

"Yes, yes of course no one, not even Mr Cavill will know what has been said in here, this is a safe space for you y/n I promise" you blinked and let out a breath "Henry and I we...are into kinky sex...Bdsm...We had a very long and intense BDSM session last night Henry doesn't leave the room when I'm tied up incase things go wrong that's how I know he didn't do anything we were at it most of the night" you watched the woman flush as you spelled it all out for her and make her embarrassed you smirked a little happy that she now felt just as uncomfortable as you did. You knew that face though, she was picturing him naked...You can't blame her for getting all flustered your daddy was a fine specimen~ "So he didn't leave the room?" you bit your lip to stop your giggles when she spoke trying to salvage herself and be professional and finish the interveiw. But instead of making her squirm any more then she obviously was you spoke. "No he didn't" "Not even after you fell asleep? How can you be sure?"" wow this bitch was persistent! You stopped for a moment pausing...Why are you so sure? How could you know for certain that he didn't leave? think! think! she smirked leaning back thinking she had you but suddenly there was an idea out of nowhere and you blurted it out...This will fucking show her! "He fell asleep with his cock in me...Henry is...Large as I'm sure you can imagine...If he had pulled out I'd have woken up.....Now is that all?" You sat smug as she stuttered over her words shaking her head and swallowed dryly. Thats it bitch suck it up Daddy is coming home. "Err yes... Well just to clarify you and Henry were together all night .And you disappeared because you had a bad break up with Stephan and felt unsafe...Y ou moved in with Mr Cavill; of your own free will, and this Stephan has been looking for you,  he found you last night and tried to reconcile?" You nodded as she read back the basics "And you refused him then Mr Cavill had him escorted out?" "No security escorted him out, it was reservation only and he was causing a scene then me and Henry finished our meal and went home where we both stayed all night can I go now?" She nodded placing her pen down "Right... You may need to testify in court if Henry does get charged, or new evidence comes to light" you smiled and nodded to her she was trying to get a reaction...Anything to use you'd give her nothing! She sighed scrunching her face sourly before speaking "I will take you off the missing persons list as well" you stood thanking her as she escorted you out of the room. You followed and looked down the hall at the sound of foot steps seeing a brooding Henry stalking towards you from the next room. Your face lit up as you saw him and the two officers in the hall watched tryingnto notice any little strange details. But you ignored them both.

Henry! he was okay! You smiled turning to him and ran he looked angry but in that moment you didn't care you were just happy to see your daddy unharmed...Not that you thought the police would touch him but you had your doubts. He returned your hug stiffly rubbing your back tucking into into the crook of your neck and whispered harshly in your ear "What the fuck are you doing here little girl?" You pulled back ignoring his anger for a second knowing the officers were still watching you closely. "Shut up and kiss me" you lunged forward catching him by surprise he quickly played along moving his lips against yours moaning kissing you deep putting on a show for the police... It worked as they cringed looking away. You pulled back slowly and gasped whispering quietly. "Are you alright?" "I'm fucking livid! You are in so much trouble you have no idea whats in store for you little girl now move it!" You gasped looking up at him hurt why was he mad? Did he think you’d betrayed him? "Your..I thought you'd be happy to see me daddy... I came to help" he frowned and began walking down the hall ushering you out of the exit. "I didn't need your fucking help! I needed your obedience...You've made it worse no doubt! Just be quiet you've done enough!" You whined as he marched you to the car opening the door for you letting you climb in, you turned to him as he went to shut the door. "H-Henry please I was-" he raise a hand pointing a shaking finger at you trying to curb his anger and slapped a hand harshly on the roof of the car hissing at you. "Enough! ....E-fucking-nough!  Not a word!...You hear me?! not a single fucking peep! I'm so angry with you!" You flinched leaning back looking like a kicked puppy, why wont he listen? Why isn't he giving you a chance to explain? You had to try you moved looking up blinking away the tears blurring your eyes. "But daddy-?" He growled and leaned into the car pushing you to sit properly shoving and twisting you to face forward showing restraint he didn't want to hurt you yet. "What did I just say? Not a word! I don't want to hear a peep out of you! Not a whine whimper or sigh! You will wait until daddy wants to talk to you and not a second before!" You whimpered looking down trembling your bones shaking under the force of your fear ,he slammed the car door with an angry grunt and stalked around the back of the land rover getting in sitting next to you. He shut the door bringing a hand up to his face rubbing the bridge of his nose with a sigh he had a head ache coming. He cast you a severe look "Stop it...Little one stop your sniveling you know I wanted you at home....Put your seat belt on...Put it on now!" you ignored him to upset to really register what he said you just shivered replaying his dark angry tone controlled...Barely had you fucked up? you squeaked as he swore and lean’t across you tugging the seat belt and clipped it in harshly "Put your fucking seat belt on and stop fucking crying!" he moved tilting your head to face him, you jerked back at the cold fury lurking in his eyes. "Just wait until we get home!" you whined and quickly covered your mouth in panic not meaning to make a sound you were trying to e a good girl but it was hard when you felt so put out.

The ride home was quiet you glared out of the window feeling put out. You just wanted to help. Henry sat next to you his fist at his side on the seat you turned feeling more upset by the second. You shuffled forward to him but he didn't look at you just glowered out the window. You looked down, you shouldn't have let Luke get to you, you sniffled wiping at your eyes in vain as tears began to fall. Henry tutted at you as you cried quietly.Luke finally pulled into the garage and got out he looked back noticing that neither of you were moving. "Drop the keys and fuck off out..Everyone I want the house to myself now get fucked!" Luke sighed and nodded dropping the keys on the back seat between you and left quickly without a word. You both sat there in silence for a few seconds you were to afraid to move and Henry was to angry. He was fuming you, how? How could you go in there and tell them anything? Did you? was he wrong about you? He loved you so much, had he been blind sided? He spared you a glance it broke his heart seeing you so upset but, he was just to angry with you. He wanted to know what was said. The flicked his gaze over to where Luke had disappeared to. That was another question, the officer said Luke had brought you there. So just what the fuck was he playing at? Had you and Luke settled your differences to frame him? Or was there something more... Did you like Luke? Was he fucking you behind Henry’s back? All these thoughts raced around his head making him angrier by the second. He couldn't stand it anymore. Henry’s dark voice made you jump when he finally spoke "You embarrassed yourself today and you embarrassed me...I'm very disappointed in you and very very angry" You froze as he said this looking to him, even in this intimidating state  you couldn't help admire him, he was just to perfect to handsome and strong. His jaw twitched flexing the muscles in his shoulders and neck, his eyes had become a dark royal blue fury blurring the normally bright irises. You took a deep breath before trying to do some damage control. "I-I'm sorry I just thought-" Henry snapped his head to you and sneered menacingly, he looked like a bully like a cruel man...He looked like a mob boss all cold and fierce. "You thought what? That I needed you? That you had to come and save me? They had nothing until you opened you stupid fucking mouth!" You flinched whimpering shrinking back into your shoulders you couldn't find any words that could help calm him down but nothing you thought of would help. "I-I didn't mean to... I'm sorry" "You fucking better be little girl! Let me make something abundantly clear to you...Last night was wonderful! A step in the right direction....But nothing has fucking changed...Absolutely nothing you are not my equal! You are not even fucking close, your a baby girl, my a pet, my little fuck toy! And you have got a hell of a long way to go before I think of you as anything more then that...You just want to hope that these charges are dropped!" His word hit you hard, the most spiteful thing he'd ever said to you. You gulped trying to brush off the hurtful comments, telling yourself they were said in anger. But the damage was done, it felt like a hot poker jammed in your windpipe hitting you with a crushing force...Nothing had changed? Last night this morning? It had meant everything to you and...Nothing to him just another game, just another round in this whole shit fest you hiccuped through your quiet sobs. "Daddy I just wanted-" he growled at you flexing his fingers as he snapped at you again throwing his arms out in anger slapping the leather of the seats. "Oh I know what you wanted and for your sake I hope you fucking chickened out or you have got hell to pay!" you looked to him wide eyed did he really think you'd rat him out? that you'd leave the station with him if you'd told them everything? "I didn't tell them about...I just said last night you were with me and that Stephan came to the restaurant..That’s all" "That’s all you better have said little girl! You better be telling the truth and trust me I will have a copy of your statement by the end of the week and if your lying things are going to get very very unpleasant for you... So if I was you I'd think long and hard about what you need to tell daddy" you blinked up at him trembling his voice was tight and firm, low he had that terrifying calm and collected anger...You-almost felt impersonal...It sounded like when he spoke to Fletcher, even though he called you by your pet name you felt like you'd stopped being his little girl and was now just business, something he had to put up with, rather then something he cherished. The thought of losing him despite lying for him made you cry harder you still tried keeping your sobs quiet wanting to still be his good girl, he told you to be quiet and you couldn't even do that! You just felt so bad. He was angry so so angry your stomach twisted you were scared, scared of what he was going to do when you get upstairs, scared of what the police would do if they would try to use you against him? But most of all you were scared that in some stupid miscalculation you'd just destroyed the relationship you had with this awfully addictive man. You panicked apart of you debating whether you should run but you stayed looking down ready to face what ever Henry was going to throw at you this time however you felt like you deserved it...You'd take anything he through at you and once his anger had settled and you proved how sorry you was you could explain, what you said why you were there...Tell him about Luke and how he had tricked you and put you on the spot. After that all you could do was hope he would believe you. You'd be his good girl until he forgave you....If he ever did. "Now go wait in the office daddy has to get a few things...Wait in the corner hands on your head" you trembled again and moved slowly unbuckling the seat belt, you gave him one last pleading look but he wasn't looking at you instead he was fiddling with the car keys luck had left on the seat. You were distraught he really wasn't even going to let you explain? He was just going to punish you? You jumped out of the car then ran up the stairs into the house crying your heart out as you realized that maybe you truly meant nothing to him? that this man who you fell in love with was just toying with you and was going to throw you away once he was bored.

You cried the entire time standing in the corner your hands twisting the sleeves of Henry's sweater nervously as you had them placed on the top of your head, one slipped down occasionally to wipe your face. You were on edge terrified...What if he getting the ginger out again? the thought made you bottom clench painfully.... What if he had something worse? you shuddered at the thought was there worse? you shook the trembles making you panic and struggle to keep your breathing steady hiccuping and freaking out but you stayed standing as still as you could, you wanted to be good, you'd take everything he decided you needed then...Then what? would things be as good as they was this morning? Even though it wasn't real and he didn't mean it... Another wave of tears started and you coughed wiping your eyes and nose not wanting to be a snotty mess when he came up here. Thankfully or... Regrettably? You wasn't alone too long maybe twenty minutes or so Henry came into the office, you didn't peek you didn't want to. You heard a few items being moved and closed your eyes pressing you forehead to the wall sobbing louder. Henry turned snapping his fingers at you in warning. "Hey!...That’s enough you knew what you'd get...Now stop your pathetic crying you don't have a reason to yet little girl..." you took a deep shaking gasp biting your lip trying to curb your almost hysterical crying long high whines still crept front you against your will. You heard rattling and something being spread out over the sofa and something like a pot being place on the hard wood floor. He was calm it seemed ,well he wasn't slamming things. It wasn’t long before he came up behind you you shook knees knocking as he stood right close, his thighs skimming your ass you took a deep breath closing your eyes you dared not even breath! Henry shushed you moving your hair back combing it with his fingers gently until it was all behind you then pulled it into a ponytail still hushing you. The soft words and slow fingers did nothing to calm you, it made you anxious he was preparing you for something. "Hush now...Calm down pet, that’’s it good girl...Now you know daddy doesn't like to hurt you...No no no he doesn't but when you are naughty; and you have been very naughty he has to correct you...doesn't he pet?" The words were slow and collected a deep voice made deeper by his mood it was a tone that commanded obedience and the power to sway ones opinion with clever words. You jumped whimpering when he moved his hands from your now secure hair drawing faint lines down your back placing his large palm to your lower back then drew his hand down to the hem of his sweater that drowned you. "Today you will learn to mind me~ learn that when I put you somewhere,  when I tell you to stay you will stay there until I call you or collect you." He bite his lip at your tremble as much as he hated scaring you and much as he knew what he was about to do would most likely set you back a week or so he couldn't help be aroused by our fear. It did delicious things to you, your whole body trembled goosebumps rose across the plains of your soft supple skin and your breathing became shallow, labored whines and mewls wrapped up in each soft pant...And your eyes stunning beautiful and deep made lighter when all glassy wet with tears. As much as he would love to see them right now he needed you to obey to prove yourself, be his good little baby. He needed to know he could trust you. He also needed prove a point. "You are a pretty little thing like this, so sweet and innocent...Naive, but very very stupid much like a doll pretty to look at but nothing behind the eyes" His words were a baritone growl but what frightened you was you sounded like a thing...Not a person, he had always called you baby girl, little one..Pet but never, he had never objectified you like that before you were never just a thing. Never a doll, dolls were objects, things they were lifeless.The word coiled tight digging its way into your chest biting and ripping making you sob and panic. "Did you think daddy would let this go?..." he moved pulling the sweater higher drawing out gosebumps as he went, you were naked below no vests or bra...You didn't need them you were meant to be indoors all day. He growled when you didn't answer and tugged the sweater harshly slipping it through your fingers and dumped it carelessly on the floor. He grabbed your neck making you squeak and shake your head but fought the urge to grab him moving your hands back into position, planted firmly on your crown fingers interlocked and digging into each other. His fingers dug into your neck slowly cutting off your airway. He moved his face closer grunting in your ear a viscous whisper the words sharp and taunting. "Answer me princess! Did you think I'd let your naughtiness go? That I'd fucking let you get away with being such a back stabbing little cunt!?" You yelped as he shook you harshly you had to shift your feet to keep from tripping over your feet as his brute strength almost pulled you off your feet. But hearing a pet name did make you feel better not much but you were almost sure he wasn't going to kill you, which in your eyes became a real possibility when he sent everyone away. "No-o! No da-daddy I DIDN'T-I..I DONT DADDY PLEASE I'M SORRY PLEASE I DIDNT TELL THEM I SWEAR! PLEASE DONT-" you curled down sobbing louder fighting the urge to move, to turn and clutch at him all you wanted was in that moment was him. For him to reassure you, but what you got was biting words as he snapped at you. "Enough! Your getting what you deserve! Think you can best me do you? Well daddy has ways of keeping his little girl in line! You are mine! You hear me? Mine your mind body and soul belong you me!" In his rant he had released your neck all but ripped your skirt off and froze snarling. You did to knowing he had seen the panties you'd stupidly forgot to kick off when you came up here. "What are those?..." you went to twist to look at him but he snapped his fingers at you with a growl making you snap back up straight looking at the wall. Henry shook his head, had you been allowed to look at him you’d have seen his blue eyes blazing with disbelief and glee? Like he was happy he had another thing to punish you for. Despite what he said about not wanting to punish you he did, in his mind there was nothing better then punishing a naughty pet. He licked his bottom lip and pointed at the thin cotton, then snapped his head up? When he didn't say anything more you did turn tilting your head around and down to peek at the offending undies. "No don't fucking look at me! I asked you a question! Get your nose in the corner! What are these?" He moved a hand to sit on your covered ass and pinched the fabric you hissed as he caught a tiny bit of skin and whined jumping forward. "I..D-daddy please! I'm sorry" you jumped when he moved swiftly landing a hot slap to your bottom more followed heating your cheeks quickly making you squirm and jump trying to stand still yet wanting to throw yourself tighter into the corner to escape his palm. The tutted at your twisting hips and grabbed them in bot hands jolting you back to stand straight. "Keep your ass still! Now what are they? Hmm because they look like a pair of big girl panties on a little baby!...now what are they? You better start talking little girl!" He gave a few more strikes to your tender bottom then smoothed his hand over the cheeks smiling at the pink marks that frames the tiny undies, you bounced on your tip toes hissing and yipping at the light burn.

"P-panties! P-PANTIES I'M SORRY!please please daddy I'm sorry daddy" he tutted at you and pulled the elastic around one of the leg holes and plucked it stretching it letting it snap back making you yelp louder as it left a strip on your already sore bottom. He smiled at the cute sound. He wasn't to angry now,  he hadn't been since he took a quick breather in your bedroom but he was annoyed in fact he was having fun. He wouldn't be touching you if he was truly angry but you didn't seem to know that, and you didn't need to know either your fear would make his punishment sink in. "And what the fuck are they doing concealing that little cunt from me? Huh? What have I said about them?" His voice was almost teasing daring you to play up ,to ignore him and answer him. He plucked at them again letting it snap back painfully in the same spot as before making the tiny red welt raise throbbing. "I'm n-not allo-wed th-them o-on daddy" you shook trying to catch your beath your ass already alight and stinging the nerves warmed by his impossibly hard palm. "That’s right but if you want them on? fine you get to fucking keep them on!" He moved forward quicker than you could react fisting his hand in the back of the panties and pulled them high. You screamed moving your hands to the wall in front of you trying to stabilize  yourself. You screeched high and loud as he lifted you up by them, your weight falling into the gusset the undies crushing painfully on your cunt slipping violently between your lips then went back. It hurt as the thin cotton disappeared up between your cheeks stinging and burning your insides from the friction. You felt like you were going to be split in half when he tugged higher your toes just skimming the floor but couldn't take any of your weight. "No-daddy please stop-it hurt's daddy!" He clicked his tongue and moved his hand that held your panties side to side rubbing on your little pucker making it throb painfully, you wasn't sure what was worse the panties crushing your mound and clit or the burn of your panties rubbing the sensitive skin on the inside of your cheeks. "Kick off your shoes" you obeyed hoping he would let you down afterwards, quickly flicking the shoes off but he didn't let you down he held you there making you wince and cry out in pain panting and hissing through your teeth fat tears streamed from your squinted eyes. "This is what happens, daddy doesn't want to have to go over this with you again, if he does I will hang you up by them on the coat pegs in the foyer for everyone to see a naughty baby's cunny get its just deserts" he threatened in a deep voice sending chills down your spine. You nodded agreeing to anything if it will make him set you down. You panted taking deep breaths between your whines and pleas slapping at the wall. Trying to stop your feet from scrabbling around for purchase, each movement made your weight rock on the uncomfortable hold he had. Henry smirked and lowered you slowly and sighed at he let your feet got back to the floor he held your panties taught still. "You will not wear these again without permission if you do I'm going display you and then give you the injection and you will have no need to have any panties at all ever understand?" You nodded crying into your hands just thankful you wasn't still being held up by your ass.

Henry smiled and let go, good now that was out of the way he could move on. He captured your hands at they crept back to peel the cotton from its wedgie position he slapped them just clipping your hands with his fingers creating a swift sting. "Leave it you wanted them on remember now face me and keep those hands on your head" you turned whimpering hands back on your head. Your stomach dropp at what he was holding, an adult pacifier locking into the center of a long lilac piece of leather. You cringed shaking your head as him whining. "Nooo! no ple-please daddy I'm not-I'm not a baby please!?" He just tilted his head at you as if to say 'really?' And moved forward holding the nub at your mouth the kept your mouth shut tight but he just huffed at your reluctance.

"Open or I will open it for you, you need to be reminded that your not a big girl...But you don't want to be a little girl either it seems so now you are a baby; my baby now open your mouth" you mewled and opened up a tiny bit not really sure you wanted to see how he'd open it for you. "Good girl~ You see daddy has decided you have spoken quiet enough for one day pet he doesn't want to hear you~" Henry smiled a wicked grin nodding to you and forced the large nuk into your mouth he chuckled watching you cringe as you got your first taste of the rubber, he chose this particular  pacifier because of its size, large with an orthopedic tip that flattened out. It would pin your tongue down keeping your voice muffled and you'd sound just like a cute little baby girl! He gave a lopsided grin as he secured the gag around the back of your head watching you carefully as you eyes widened, ah there it was you really were getting a taste now. But the other plus with the tips size was it held quite a lot of fluid. You’d find in a few moments that the tip wasn't meant to be a murky golden color oh no.

That was the watered down vinegar and bitter lemon mix, not strong enough to burn your tongue but it tasted vile and the pin prick hole on the bottom would drip feed the concoction onto your taste buds, a fitting punishment for a tattle tale he thought.

"You will learn to keep your mouth shut after this pet" You pouted around the rubber in your mouth unused to the feel of your tongue being so restricted. Your eyes snapped open as you could taste something, sour and bitter it was...disgusting you whined shaking your head and gagged again as the bitter taste got worse you moved your tongue trying to escape the awful taste but soon found it was coming from the trapped rubber teet....It was being drip fed into your mouth coating your tongue. You spat trying to spit it out but is was to late as Henry had made sure it was firmly wedged between your teeth. "There she is just a little baby...A little naughty baby now go kneel on the sofa and put your head on the seat...Off you go... go on shoo" You cringed as he patted your bottom as the waddled slowly making your way over to the leather suite. It was slow going taking baby steps as each step made your ass and pussy rub against the trapped cotton. Henry didn't seem to mind trailing behind you probably admiring the view.

The journey was painful and pleasant all in one confusing messy of sensations, the thin fabric had slipped either side of your clit and pinned it tight to your pubic bone your steps made it move, the undies massaging the little bud from either side. By the time you got to the sofa you wasn't sure if the throbbing was from pain or not. You whined uncomfortably as you got into position slowly praying that he couldn't see the slight we spot you knew you left on the cotton, your pussy weeping slowly becoming needy. You tipped your head placing your forehead on the seat and looked at your legs. You squeaked as he came over and spread your knees so you could see him standing there just behind you. You whimpered embarrassed by having your undies still stuck so far up your hiney bending over had just made the material press tighter on your pussy your clit felt bruised throbbing and alive. Through the pain and humiliation you felt it, your arousal body coming to life under his harsh treatment. The beginnings of humiliation on a completely different level, you bit your lip trying to will away the sensations but it was hard. You turned your face to the side and wept. "Aww whats wrong little one I thought you wanted them on? You want daddy to take them off now baby girl?" He smoothed his hands over your back as he taunted you pulling at the loose fabric that hung over your lower back. "I-it hur-tss daddy! I'm my...Its ssore daddy Pl-pleasse take them off daddy pleasse" you begged around the bitter plastic in you mouth you flushed as your words came out distorted like a baby you had a lissp and just like a baby you were dribbling all over your chin you tried sucking it up but it just made more of the disgusting taste from the paci seep into your mouth closing your eyes as you wept quietly into the leather sofa "Aww baby whats sore? Your little clit? Hmm is it pinching? Or is your pucker thats sore?" You bit your paci and nodded squirming and pressing back trying to ease the tension. "B-BO-FTH DADDY! BOFTH...it's ss-sore pleasse pleasse! I don't like it!" He smirked and moved his hands over your back then down chuckling as he went. You grimaced as he pried apart your cheeks whistling low running his thumbs along the inner skin of your cheeks making you whine your holes twitching. Your pussy muscles coiling around itself empty and unsatisfied you groaned feeling another small rush of arousal coat the cloth stuffed against the wanton hole. "Ah ah! No chewing your pacifier~ if that nub comes off my little baby might swallow it and choke.....Now lets see about these panties....Oh my they have gone quite high haven't they baby?... Panties aren't as good an idea as you thought? Are they my little love?.... But no, daddy will not take them off yet. Your going to get your spanking with them right wear they are and when I do finally pull them off trust me you'll wish they were there to protect your little pucker." You sobbed shaking slapping at the leather weakly tears dripping down your face joining the spittal that covered your cheeks smearing around the guard of the pacifier. You peaked through your legs as he moved stepping back releasing your cheeks letting them snap back into place you hissed the action made the cotton move again clenching tight in instinct trying to push away the discomfort. Henry moved the few feet over the room to the implements he had brought down, he had chosen the most severe your punishment wouldn't be long, he could easily split skin with some of these. No it wouldn't be long but it would be effective, you will learn that pain is not the worse of punishments no, now humiliation that was a very effective tool. And to top it off he wasn't going to restrain you, you would hold position or he would start again. He smirked picking up his first choice, a tawse. Painful and biting it left deep red welts that lasted days you'd be a very sore baby. He would have to be careful no more then ten he ha decided this implement was very unforgiving and with the others he planned to use today he didn't want to over do it. You quivered staying as still as you could knowing that anything  you did out of turn would make him even angrier. You held your shuddering breaths cringing as you almost blew bubbles in your own saliva as he approched...What is that? What the fuck is that!? You almost jumped up when he stopped a breah away from you, the long strip was tucked out of sight but you knew what you saw that was a strap or-or a belt!

Henry could feel your panic and placed the tawse on your bare back letting you take a few guesses at what it was. You trembled panting panicking he frowned, he wanted you on edge, frightened not panicked and nearly passing out. He sighed and picked deciding it was best to ease some of your worries he moved it up letting it fall with a resounding slap on the leather by your side

"Look...Now this~ is your tawse but daddy will be calling it your strap, it stings and has a very nasty bite...you will get ten and then we will move on daddy has a few things he wants to make clear in this little correction, not everything is fixed with a spanking." You whimpered shifting as you turned to look at the long implement of your own doom. It was long about fourteen the fifteen inches long, about six of them was a flat sturdy handle the rest well, it was a strap long and flexible made of durable old leather. Despite looking old it was well maintained shiny like it had been oiled recently. The strap itself was two inches wide a small long v cut from the tip down to the handle, it'd swing faster. You couldn't explain the dread as he picked it up quickly looking between your legs seeing him ready himself.

"Count...You can do that cant you baby? Count to ten that’s how many daddy wants to give you... but its really up to you, being the big girl you tried to be daddy will let you decide....If you move-If you can't hold still then daddy will start all over~ So I should hope you do stay still as daddy doesn't want to be here all evening remember no biting that paci either~" you squirmed shuddering with new cries terrified.

You heard the movement, the swish as the strap cut through the air. Then he slap it was loud and sounded viscous...almost as viscous as it felt. You rocked forward and screamed high around the rubber the hit had been high on your rump and most hit the panties that gave no protection what so ever.

"Count Baby what was that?" You heaved deep breaths in shock of jus how bad that stung.

"One! It-I daddy I can’t pleassse Itss bad!" You sobbed digging your nails into the lather suite moving side to side.

"I’m sure it is but baby I can see your wet little pussy~ so it cant be to bad can it my love now ready? Daddy wants this over with, you have this and one more spanking and if your god daddy will make you feel better afterwards now straighten up the next few will be faster" you groaned catching your breath barely as he moved striking you in three quick consecutive slaps each lower then the one before. You called out the numbers two three and four screaming and bucking rocking wanting to get away but didn't want to start over, your cheek hotter than ever, the burn was extreme. You could feel the welts rise in an almost pins and needles tingle that remained. You kicked your foot up and through your hands back.

"No nonono DADDY PLEASSSEE I CANT STOP PLEASE" he simply moved your hands away.

"Well don't do the crime if you can't do the time...haha well that applies to you anyway...Now put those hands down...Now little one....In fact place them under your head...That’s it like that if I hit your fingers I could break one now you stay right there!"you whimpered putting your hands under your forehead as he waited he tugged the panties up a little more ad smiled

"Oh baby? Look a little wet spot? Are you excited? Its very cute that even when I’m spanking your naughty little bottom you still want me~" you whined as he peppered another four strikes up and down the legnth of your ass and thighs the same stinging lighting a fire on your skin.

"Noo Da-ddYYY SSTOP!" You cried harder almost choking on the pacifier. Humiliated that your pussy clenched with each hit making you cringe knowing he was looking, you could feel his eyes on it. You wailed as loud as you could with the rubber teet in your mouth every movement and sound making your mouth flood with the nasty taste that was still dribbling out onto your tongue making you cough as it went down your throat forcing you to swallow and suckle more out a nasty cycle. Henry grunted as you got louder kicking your feet before screaming as he landed another harder strike.

"Stop that noise this instant!! Honestly screaming the house down because you ended up having a well earned spanking....You know to damn well deserve it little one!" Henry's scold made you quiet down more out of fear of making him start again then actual obedience. "Two more than we are done with your strap... The final two fell and you sobbed into the leather below you adding to the puddle of dribble and tears that had formed already. He sighed rubbing your back moving his hand down to your still wedged undies and tugged slowly you sighed in relief as he pulled the trapped cotton from your ass quickly threading your legs out of the cotton with ease.

"Thank you, thank you daddy!" You sobbed Henry hissed a breath looking at your blistered ass the welts were bright and thin littering you ass in clean sweeps he could count the number of strikes he had dealt. He pressed a palm you them. You leand forward trying to rock away but he didn't let you instead rubbed softly barely grazing the strikes. "Tch Shh shh I know little one you are being a good girl... That’s it love all done see daddy hasn't got your strap now he put it away~....So so brave, brave little baby girl....But you need to learn your not Your not all grown up are you? Say it...come on tell daddy" you flushed at his words but moved to look up at him. He had nothing in his hand he moved to stand behind the sofa letting you sit up on your knees to see him.

"I'm a-a little gi-girl...A bad litt-le girl daddy!-I'm bad! I'm sorry!" He chuckled at the despair in your voice he moved forward kissing your head wiping at your tears he smiled when you moved nuzzling him sweetly trying to savor the affection. "No baby no your not bad...you were naughty and your nearly all finished...But daddy is happy that you understand your not grown up...Your not a big girl... you are a horny little one though whats all this?~" You shivered as he moved around you again holding out his hand glistening from the arousal on them. You flushed at him and moved your face away whining he chuckled wiling the fingers on your back and stepped away. "We will deal with that after this baby girl now spread your legs a bit wider...Come on now don't play up now when we are soo close to finishing my love...That’s it good girl I promise you behave just a little while longer and daddy will help with your little tingles" you flushed at the matter of fact way he had blurted it out. You spread your legs and not a few seconds later his hand appeared placing a small decorative bronze pot under your spread aching legs.

"Da-daddy? Whats? What are you-" you frowned as he disappeared from behind you making his way around the sofa as he spoke.

"Shh love this is just incase you make a mess you'll see now hold still you'll get ten on your little pucker and that's all your spankies out of the way and then we can move on, daddy will give you a little reward for being such a sweet baby and doing as your told and you can tell daddy exactly how you betrayed him~" you looked up at him over the back of the sofa blinking at him then frowned not sure you heard him, he was going to strike your actual asshole? He couldn't mean it could he? You shifted your eye to the long slim crop knowing he definitely meant it. You panicked as shifted starting to plead with him not wanting to go through something that sounded to painful. "NO NO PLE-PLEASE DA-DADDY I DONT WANT- I'D NEVER-" You jolted but he was ready quick to capture your jaw and pull you towards him and the back off the sofa straddling the bronze pot. "Oh no little one...Daddy has to know to teach you a lesson because daddy loves you...He loves his little one so much...And because I love you I have to teach you these hard lessons...Its for your own good" You moved back but he moved holding your jaw lightly moving tucking the tip of his thumb under the pacifier sheild running over your wet lip pressing up ton the tiny sliver of teet you whined as he action squirted the last few drops of the nasty mixture from it onto your tongue he smiled and shushed you. "That's it baby I know...I know its scary but I'm not going to be to hard on you..I promise just this then your punishment is over and you can have a reward for being such a good girl...Does that sound nice yeah?...Yes I know and we can get this icky paci out and clean you up" You moaned pitifully nodding resigning yourself to his final punishment praying he kept his word and wouldn't hit you as hard as he had with the tawse you don't think you could stand it

"That’s it good girl stay down...Your being so good, such a good girl just ten baby girl and you wont have to count...That’s it back down stay still"you crouched down he wasted no time swinging the crop making the end flick across your ass just clipping he tight ring of muscle, you could tel it was more of a wrist flick than a full blown swing but it was enough. You jolted up again trying to close your legs but couldn't with the bowl sat between them. Henry sighed capturing the back of your neck and pressed down keeping you bent your head on the back of the seat.

"Stay still love nine more...Just nine then its all over" you shook your head at him heaving deep breaths groaning and mewling as your ass burned that was torture you never realize just how tender it could be you felt the ring of muscle contracting against the sting that lingered.

"Now now you asked for this~ you disobeyed your daddy...I did warn you last time I had gone easy on you this time you are not as lucky now nine more" he moved quickly flicking the crop across your pucker then moved making it curl around to your front. You whined bucking away terror struck you as you quickly felt the need to go  realizing suddenly why he had placed the bowl under you, it wasn't a bowl it was a chamber pot, you shook as he struck the same way again making that terrible feeling grow you couldn't even protest. A harder strike landed just on your pucker then another even harder well placed strike. You cringed trying desperately to hold it but it was difficult each strike made you buck and tense your stomach contracting placing more pressure on your bladder. One final vicious sounding snap of the crop was all it took you cried out sobbing loudly as you began peeing into the pot below you.

Henry stopped at the sound mission accomplished. He wanted to show you how much of a little girl you really were, to humiliate you and show you just how small you were and how much control he could have over you if he wanted. He grinned looking down as you sobbed embarrassed and heart broken he moved tilting your head up to face him, eye contact was key here you couldn't forget he was here watching listening he shook his head tutting. "Oh whats this? Oh I thought you were daddy’s big girl? I thought you wanted to be a big girl from the way you went and spoke to those officers....Daddy thought his little girl was all grown up! And could handle her spanking?....But no your not a big girl are you? Big girls don't wet themselves" you cried out in pain and humiliation as once the trickle started you couldn't stop, you cringed looking down as your peed into the small chamber pot he had tucked below you. You squinted your eyes shut trying to remove yourself wanting to ignore your surroundings but it was hard you could hear your humiliation as you continued to empty your bladder into the pot. Henry smiled at your discomfort he knew this would happen, fuck he planned for it to happen many subs couldn't handle there bladders when struck so precise on their little pucker's... Especially on their firs asshole whipping. "Oh baby look you must really needed to go? no self control at all huh baby...Maybe your not a little girl? maybe you are a baby?" you pouted and whined shaking your head and gagged again as the bitter taste was still being drip fed into your mouth coating your tongue this was something altogether different just knowing he saw you peeing was mortifying a punishment in itself, you cried out pitifully. "See! Your just a silly little baby can't even ask to use the potty~ such an embarrassing little girl!...Hold on daddy has some we wipes to clean up his little one stay" you shuddered sniffling in and whining when you left him come back behind you taking away the now quater full chamber pot. You hissed as he moved a cool wet wipe over your folds but he didn't top there moving up and down cleaning your arousal from your labia making sure to be thorough. "Oh sweety that was only seven! But you did have an accident so daddy will let you off the other three... wouldn't want you to wet yourself again would we?" You sniffled ashamed nodding as he Continued to wipe around your privates then threw the wipes away out of sight. And walked back behind his desk taking a seat deciding to give you a few moments smiling when you stayed perfectly still. A good obedient girl who knew her place, waiting for him to give the okay for you to move. As it should be.

Henry twisted in the seat staring at your down turned head the way you curled up on the sofa embarrassed and heartbroken you were a very sorry little girl as you should be!. He rolled his fingers flexing them leaning his elbow on the desk watching your body shudder from the shock of his rough punishment...A part of him...A very cruel sinister part wanted to leave you there alone in your despair to deal with the aftermath by yourself. Make you beg him, realize you needed not just his love and his comfort  but also his permission...But he couldn't, he loved you despite what you'd done, despite how hard you'd just made things he couldn't leave you alone in this state no self respecting daddy forgoes aftercare not even for the worst offenses.Sighing he rounded his desk pouring himself a scotch he felt better but was still on edge. Once the crystal tumbler was half full he walked to the leather sofa placing it on the table beside it stepping over the chamber pot he'd covered and left by the desk out of sight. You shivered and whined hoarsely as he shifted you ,you wriggled wanting to be left alone but he wouldn't let you.You wept sorrowfully as he patted your bottom again and tipped you up sitting on the sofa beside you quickly seating you on his thick thighs you hissed at the friction of your welts on his soft trousers hiccuping. He tilted you bak a little one arm around your back holding one of your arms drawing small circles on your skin pulling goosebumps. One hand unbuckled the pacifier letting it fall to the floor and he wiped across your mouth cleaning you up with his disguarded sweater you'd been wearing. "Shush...That's it such a good girl its all over now all over love now can daddy have a peek? I know I caught your little pussy my love let me see....Come on baby girl open up... That’s it good baby" you let him pry your thighs apart the hand that was on your arm now holding your still quivering thigh. You blushed and whined when he lowered his head to look. Henry bit his lip he really had caught you, no wonder you were squirming and crying as you were. You were red and swollen, the hood of your clit supported a red outline of the crop. There was no cuts or grazes though which was good he moved his fingers prodding at you. Despite your wailing you had found some pleasure in the ordeal...He would have to explore this little masochistic side of yours at a later date for now he would reward your good behavior. "Not to bad darling, its not to bad a little pink but its hard to see around all your mess! Look huh? Your reward wont take long love" you shook your head trying to clamp your legs shut having had just about enough. He chuckled as you tried fighting his hold. "No no! Now come on baby...you earned it being so good for daddy and taking your punishment like a good little girl!" He maneuvered you holding you open you panted at him as you felt the cool air on both holes again. Your pussy was alive  twitching trying to find something to latch on to. You jolted when his other hand moved to you clit holding a standalone rabbit ear clit simulator,  it was tucked in his hand snugly. "No no ple-PLEASE IT'S SOOOORREE no no no no! I can’t da-daddy pleas i want a nap no nooo" he shook his head ignoring you and smiled placing the soft rubber to your erect throbbing clit and pressed it on you bucked yelping not realizing just how aroused you were it must have been lost in the stinging and heat! Only now just noticing the state you were in horny, hot, sweaty and panting. You rocked against his hand as he held the small powerful device a tight on you.He chuckled again kissing at your neck as you through your head back one hand fisted in his shirt the other on the wist prying you open for him. You whined curling up as he clicked it up a notch and made just the tips graze the tender hood of your clit. "AhAH NO-DADDY FUCK PLEASE fuckfuckfcuk NO IT HURTS DADDY TAKE IT OFF! IM NOT NOO!" You panted harder moaning letting your head fall back looking up at him moaning trying not to buck or grind as it hurt your stinging ass. "Thats a lot of adult words for such a sweet baby~" he taunted and began running the ears across your folds moving so you don't have to. He twisted his hand managing to somehow plunge three fingers in to you and balance the toy his thumb poised at the button.You grunted gasping mouth agape looking at him pitifully trying to chase your end that was building. You loved and hated the feeling all at once. His finger moved in individual rhythms twisting and curling this way and that stretching you. Drawing patterns on your insides avoiding that one spot he knew you needed him, you mewled quietly as he lowered his head mouth just above yours staring at your glazed eyes as he growled working your pussy for all its worth. He opened his mouth and laughed breathing you in.

"Come on love~ so good be a good girl and cum I know you want to~" you moaned and moved tucking your head in the crook of his neck as your walls clenched wanting to keep him inside as all costs. Your indies felt like they were being treated to a Pampering as his finger pads stroked them making your nerves buzz under his perfected ministrations. You mewled loudly into his eck as he finally relented twirling his fingers inside you rubbing your spot harshly forcing you to tighten around him you yelped and twitched curling your abdomen as you trembled his finger moving firmer and firmer circling and tapping as he thrusted into you the sloppy sounds made you flush and whine again gasping as your body shuddered uncontrollably you could feel it. Just with in your grasp! Our insides were hot and wet twisting around his fingers as they moved faster slapping the vibrator against your clit with each deep determined thrust.

"Ah AH AH FUCK-YES PLEASSSEE-I DADDY!?" you fisted your hands in shirt turning to clutch at him bucking trying to ride his fingers. Your ass burned and your insides twitched. You grinded faster grunting at him when he flicked the vibrator higher that was it! You burst comming undone on a loud moaming and withering. "DADDY!~ AH FUCK FUUUCK PLEASE DADDY UGH YES ITS -so good so-thank you thank you daddy I’m sorry! Im sorry I didn’t it wasn’t-" Henry just held you removing his now drenched fingers, youd cum hard. He could feel your body go slak cagainst him s oothing your hair back kissing your cheek and neck.

"Thats it my precious girl~...my good baby , perfect little one its all done....thats it all done my love so good" you wept into him eve rything catching up to you you hugged his neck breathing him in just hopeing he now forgave you, calmed down enough to listen not that you thought you could say much you were just to messed up. He held you for what felt like hours rocking and shushing you.

"I-Im sorry but I really didn’t tell on you daddy...I really didnt i wouldnt...I love it here...even when you...do this i feel good after...better" Henry held his breath for a few seconds and smiled. He kissed your head and wiped your tear stained face.

"Do-do you forgive me daddy?" Henry took a deep breath and didnt answer that made your heart clench your tears coming back how you had any left to cry was a mystery to you. You placed your hands over your face and sobbed. He didnt he still hated you, he would find out what you said and throw you out you just knew it!. Henry noticed his mistake to late as you broke down in his lap again, he moved to pull your hands away from your face but you jerked shrugging him off. He frowned and pulled this time using his strength removing your hands his blood ran cold at your devestated face. You struggled to make him releas you but he didnt only held you tighted "Now now little one shh its okay...i do forgive you i love you -hey enough of that don't be so stubborn...Daddy forgives you will make it better...Shh shh you took your punishment very well...Now come up sit up for daddy" you wept not believing him as he tilted you cradling you to him. You grabbed his shirt crying harder hiccupping still a sorry mess your body throbbed you were exhausted and your nerves were shot. And your mouth still had that vile bitter taste. "D-Daddy I'm-I'm sorry so-o sorry daddy please- don't leave! Dont throw me out please i dont i want tobe here with you! I didn't he told me to! He-he pushed me...told them I knew!" you babbled still frantic trying to calm down Henry rose a brow "What baby zIm not...is that what this is about oh honey im not going anywhere and im not getting rid of you love.....okay? Your here with me and everything is all better but i need you to tell me exactly what happened Who pushed you baby? Hey hey shush thats it baby doll who told you- what did they tell you?" You sniffled loo,ing at him for a few seconds and took some deep breaths still jnsure of where you stood but you had to talk, to help him you could fix this, you could. "L-Luke...He he sai-d that you needed m-me...That I wa-as going to prison with you!" Henry growled and you flinched away again but he was quick to console you stroking your hair you were still shivering and trembling...probably getting cold now. He moved pulling a small fluffy throw he kept in here for you and wrapped it around your shoulders concealing you completly in the heavy blanket. He rubbed your arm lightly trying to encourage you. He moved his drink to your lips. "Come on a small sip...Thats it good girl..haha oh I know its strong huh? shh thats it now daddy needs you to tell him what Luke said to you princess" you looked up at him and shook your head as another wave of tears started and you tuccked into him leaning your weight on him resting your head at his heart letting the soft thumping sooth you. "Hey hey its okay little one...You can tell daddy...Daddy isn't mad anymore he just wants to know what was said...You can do it your such a good baby...I need to know were you plotting against me?" You looked up at him through your tears shocked and gasping your heart shattered at the broken look on his face cracking his gaze was so defeated another wave of panic washed over you.No he can't you have to tell him! tears fell as you shook your head. "I-I didnt! I swear daddy I didn't say anything! They wanted me to make a statment..She recognized me! Luke told her daddy! I didn't have a choice-" Henry growled moving the drink to his mouth taking a long sip the plced it on the side table with a soft thump. Yhen with a loud intact of breath he began speaking irritated and exasperated. "And you know what? He wouldn't have if you'd been here at home like daddy told you! would he baby? noo you wouldnt have been in this situation now if you'd just been a good girl!" You wriggled back whimpering quivering at his dissapointed tone feeling scared and small. You clutched at him worried he was starting to get all wound up at you again. "Now..What else happened now that your calmed down I can make sense of it all" he lifted you perching you on his knees, for a second he smiled at you naked and quivering wrapped in the throw, your red tears stained face and guilty pouting expression made you look the part of a very well punished little girl. He moved his hands across you gently rubbing you trying to ease your tight acheing muscles. "I-I Luke..he said I'd need to be there!" Henry frowned "What did he say love? I don't think you'd fall for just that" "Af-after they took you away...Said you were going to prison...That I'd go to prison to....he said that they had something big and-and that I needed to make a statement, tell them about Stephan last night or you'd be put away...And-and to pay bail money!" He hummed tucking your hair behind your ears and froze moving his fingertips down your jaw lightly frowning. Bail money? "Bail money? baby I didn't need bail..They I wasn't arrested my sweet girl" "I didn't know that till he got me there! I didn't-please daddy he made me! He said I didn't have a choice! That you were arrested and if I didn't come pay the money I'd never see you again!..He scared me! he was mean! He called me names to making me cry- a-a sexy doll and slut! and-and when I was upset he started saying I'd go to prison to cos I'm your girlfreind! thats all that's why I came there! He said I had to...To save you!...That you needed me..."Henry eyed you carefully and tilted your face up again you were determined to avoid his gaze and he didn't like it. But then again he didn't like the fact he had jumped the gun and wailed on you before hearing you out you either. Yes he stood by his punishment....Well some of it you should have stayed here. But maybe you didn't deserve such humiliation, it was a god send you were now telling him everything after what he had just put you through. He motioned for you to continue wanting you to explain. "He-he wanted me to...Tell them...About how I got here...He didn't say it...But thats what he meant...and then he told the police i wanted to tell on you..i didnt i realized then and just wanted to wait in the car...Luke pushed me to go with her to that room" Henry hummed he believed you it wasnt hard, Luke wanted a way out, and the man didn't like you one bit hed have no qualms about sacrificing you to save his own skin. But it was risky pinning all his hopes on you and fucking stupid did he really think you wouldn't tell your daddy what luke had been up to? could Luke really be that stupid? Henry cursed watching the tears fall from your eyes and you trembled. "Please-please daddy you have to belive me I'd never- I don't want to leave...I don't want you to leave me daddy please..." though pitiful as your pleas did sound sincere henry felt a deep pit forming in his stomach. he had just put you through hell, he made you fucking piss yourself! and used the most painfull of his arsenal. He felt like a right cunt!

"Shh Shh it's alright baby...Daddy believes you daddy believes you baby girl....He frightened you into going in? So Luke's trying to set me up now? Along with Stephan heh... You sure your not going to join them pet?" He meant it as a joke but your reaction was instant You shook your head holding your tender neck smoothing your cool fingers over it. "No...Stephan wants me to go down to...Luke said he is bitter...Stephan knows I slept with you last night" you mumbled slowly wanting hims to believe you, you needed him to believe you, to understand you were helping him! He looked up confused he began rubbing the back of your neck his warm palm helping eamse. the pain his other hand rose and scratched your scalp slowly letting you move your head angling it to get his hand where you wanted it at the side of your head.   "What was that love?" you hummed twisting your head again as his strong fingers massaged your scalp harder in slow circles making your tension headache fade. You licked your lips before starting to explain to him what had been said. "Luke told me Stephan knows about us..That he was angry when they dropped him off..Was really mad- should I not have known daddy?" Henry cursed and chuckled shaking his head fucking unbelievable. You flinched as Henry moved collecting you in his arms again holding you tight kissing your head breathing you in.Henry was quickly starting piece everything together, it wasn't Stephan... Well not really it was Luke manipulating everone trying to play in a kings game!.  Your whimperes pulled him out of his thoughts and he spoke soothing you. "No it isn't that....Babygirl I just I know whats going on Luke told him about us...Luke provoked Stephan and You... He was using you both...He was counting on you telling them everything...I?- did you? Tell them everything?" you cringed at how uncertified he sounded he small his voice ended up being, it made you feel uncomfortable. You shook your head smileing at him shyly. "No-no daddy I didn't, I said that Stephan came to the restaurant, that he is an ex who can't get over me and has a grudge against you...And that I didn't go missing I found out Stephan was using me to left cos I was scared of him and you offered me a place to stay...And...And that I-I'm in love with you.." Henry blinked sighing flopping back into the seat with a sigh maybe you did help him then. If you could both make it out to be a jealous ex lover it'd explain your sudden disappearance and why Stephan was so determined to pin this on him. "Anything else? I need to know" you twiddled your fingers at him and nodded feeling slightly embarassed but you knew he had to know...It's just...how was he going to handle you telling the police about your sex life? you flushed just remebering it, it had been so fast you hadn't really tought about the fact they now knew that you got tied up and spanked. Henry furrowed his brows at you as he watched you go pink...What the fuck had you said? "Th-they want me to testify... About Stephan....They took the statement about what happened last night...And after that she- the lady tried to say you'd have done..What ever they think you did, once we got home I said you couldn't have cos...Well you never leave me alone in a scene...She didn't understand so I had to tell her...A-About the err BDSM thingy... She carried on saying youd have left when i was asleep and ...I had to say something...So I told her...I said that you couldn't have slipped away during the night cos err... well i kind of said you slept erm in-inside me so...I'd know if you...yeah" Henry grunted trying to bite back a chuckle as you flushed brighter. "Cockwarming? Thanks for that....How'd you even? Do you? Do you want to try that baby doll? Want daddy to keep you full all night?" you flushed brighter he chuckled relaxing feeling much better he didn't think you had dropped him in it..Not yet anyway but he would have to keep you on a very short leash they would take this to court its the closest they have come to getting him. he sighed into your hair kissing your head again, you hadn't handed him in, and Luke... Yes it made sense Luke would have known that he didn't need bail but you wouldn't, it would make sense to you you didn't know any better. Just that alone made him believe you. He moved forward making you squeak and hold him tight as he heaved you up in to his arms and stood moving the blanket to cover your form and keep you warm then made for the bedroom wanting to give you a shower and put you down for a bed. An early night was what you needed now after a day like today.

Henry smiled looking at you curled up in the bed, you'd been good letting him take control and look after you. You'd only whimpered when he was washing you as he moved across your swollen bruises and welts he'd left across you. He felt guilty but what's done is done.  He can't take it back no matter how much he wanted to, he tried making it up to you by lathering each and every mark with kisses as he massaged lotion into your damp skin afterwards, being careful to rub away your tension it was that; that had sent you off to sleep and somehow he had dressed you in fussy pajamas and tucked you in whilst you were in a deep sleep. He was happy even in his guilt, he would admit he jumped the gun but he now had a new target.

One that had no idea he was coming for him, one who had a very high price to pay, no one upset his baby girl, no one scared her. He couldn't tell if he was more angry over the fact Henry himself had missed the signs or if he was angry over the fact he had taken it out on his little girl before letting her explain.

Once he was sure you'd be safe and sound up here he moved to the side whistling in a high pitch through the house hearing the tapping of claws. Kal climbed the stairs panting happily making him smile at the bear. "Kal come on you lazy boy time to earn your keep...In" he motioned the dog to enter the bedroom with a flick of his head, the akita followed Henry's instructions and entered the room then turned to look at him as if to say 'now what?' Henry reached out ruffling his ears and scratched the dogs muzzle before moving cupping Kals chin making him look at him. "Now you look after your mother....You keep her safe boy understand?...Good now go give her snuggles she needs a bear hug" kal gave a quiet 'boof' then got up and pounce onto the bed curling up between you and the door making Henry grin before closing the door. Once in the hall he took a breath and locked the door, no one was getting in tonight. He did one final check making sure his knife and gun were both concealed once satisfied he pulled the tight fitting suit jacket around his abdomen and fastened the button then began walking,  his polished shoes echoing off the floor he tried to be well dressed when being out on business, he pulled his phone from his pocket as he made his way down the stairs. "Hello Liam how would you like a promotion? oh you would? great meet me down at Pearls..Bring Luke...Oh your there already? enjoying the new girls I take it?...Theres no need to thank me...And Luke's there to? Excellent Keep him there I will be with you very shortly!" he hung up grinning tonight was going to be very smooth and clean by the sounds of it. It was time to take care of a rat.

#mob boss henry cavill #henry cavill smut #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill fic #henry cavill #henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill x you #henry cavill x y/n #henry cavill x female reader #henry cavill is daddy

[kaonite]

Can we hear about your Misraaks headcanons pls?

hahahaaha ahah okay so this turned more into picking him apart rather than headcanons but i mixed them in there ::3 (im so sorry, i cannot be coherent at all and gushed profusely. i promise my writing is way different than the way i type this out.)

for some reason it wont let me add tags??? so i hope no one is upset by that!

-misraaks doesnt know how to be 'normal' per say, barring the fact he IS an alien(this goes with my super personal headcanon that the wolves just breed some ODD eliksni. 110% there’s something SUPER up with the wolves (or gentle weavers) as a whole. there's something in the ether turning the wolves into human simps) and is just a weird guy? Who 'turns their back' on their own without being a little fucking odd? i mean if i saw a almost 7ft tall lady and she dragged me away from my attempted suicide (thats some baggage already) and offered peace in a my cultures way id rethink my ideals too (theres more to it i know but humor me!) Also unlearning ALL you've been taught was rough and trying but he was a young mind and to be honest... that's probably for the best (no doubt sjur did use him against the wolves but i really feel their friendship was genuine, full of a lot of love and respect after he stopped being an angsty vandal with unresolved mommy issues)

-he puts on this show of being strong and unyielding but if he trusts you he just crumbles and is bare to the bone about everything. misraaks isn't afraid of being honest per say, he may come off brash but he's just telling it like it is... no sense in beating around the bush. he's not an asshole but being raised the way he was uh... some tact had be learned. 

-no no no it's not bc his mother may have been strict and terrifying to some degree so he has to be the strongest  or he feels he'll fail everyone he knows. so when someone breaks down his walls he's just a soft, sappy individual who just wants everyone to have a peaceful life together while trying to be strong for everyone else at his own mental expense. hes so passionate, charismatic and driven even with all the odds stacked against him, the fucking STRENGTH in that. (DREG STRENGTH GO! even tho he's not a dreg u get my meaning, everyone so far has deemed him as such) what a king! ❤ (praksis u call him foolish again i'll break every one of the generators in your lab)

-brings me to my next headcanon that the nightmare in the moon, horkis? Is his mother and all the teachings that she and others brought upon him as a child up until meeting sjur concentrated into one being. that if he doesn't bleed for the cause, die for the cause, then he has failed his people.  OOPS! IT'S ALL DEEP SEATED TRAUMA! 

-also headcanon she was the one to dock him? to make it extra good when he thinks back on her in the misraaks lore tab 

(I normally don't slander moms bc damn if anyone slandered my mom id throw hands but bungie gave me the scraps and im working with them and misraaks seemed like he had a pretty standard, though super strict, upbringing ::) )

-he appears haughty, self-assured and a bit cold though that's just how he projects himself... he's not actually that way? I mean, hes pretty calm and collected. he expresses a deep  loyalty and love for Sjur and cares for his fireteam immensely. He trusted his fireteam enough to take them to her resting place, how is that not vulnerability we otherwise don't really see? 

He'd throw down for his friends and loved ones because that's just how Eliksni ARE. kin is everything, even friends. he just has a different way of showing it. 

-misraaks... okay i have to say he's into poetry, or talking poetically. the way he speaks is almost... romantic (not in a bad or spicy way!) i just know that boy really SPEAKS in such an eloquent, thoughtful sense. there's a lot of meaning and love in his words. he doesn't just SAY things to fill the silence. every word has a meaning, a purpose. i love that about him. 

-okay maybe i headcanon his fireteam being all around goofballs with him at times of respite, softening out his sharp edges. making him loosen up and enjoy the little things in life rather than worrying about the bigger picture. (bungie where's that getting drunk with his fireteam lore tab? i would like to see it. you have it with the yw and crow... it's the least you could do for the misraaks stans...) i just feel its hard for him to sit and do nothing, just to fool around, be a "normal person" due to the fact his whole life up to his moment of wanting to create house light has been death and war. He was MADE for war. it'd be hard for him to adjust to a 'happier' existence without a little prodding

-he doesn't care about glory, or is doing what he does for selfish gain. he genuinely just wants to help, to create peace. so if anyone approached him with the kell of kells title he'd promptly tell them to shove it (sorry misraaks... you're in the same boat with the young wolf... you can't escape your destiny)

-can we talk about how much misraaks unlearned from sjur then YEARS later is with dusk, meets the young wolf (that annoying bastard of a guardian! :) ), they spare him then it seems like something unlocks in him. like we were the final catalyst to his dreams being real. no longer did he want to be canon fodder, or use his crew as such, he wanted to lead... to be better, to do better for his people along the guardians. maybe he could be better than just another solider dying for a cause they didn't even know at that point. he could be everything his kind rallied against and be GREATER than he was taught to be , not stepping on those deemed less than him. his MIND 

-can i just shoehorn something in real quick. I don't believe he'd practice docking after everything. I just can't see it and i always see him having trauma around docking so why would he wish that on others as a treatment under his kellship? It took him A LONG ASS TIME to unlearn how fucked up it is and how their society as whole is (ie. he literally fantasized about his mother docking him. how is that not absolutely insane to hear?)  also it'd be useless at this point, he'd need people at their prime, not missing two arms for an old, unnecessary dark practice. he doesn’t want people to fear him, if your people fear you are you truly a leader?

*cuts this ask open with a knife and lets loose a character interpretation more than headcanons* OOPS

am i projecting? maybe but bungie gave me crumbs and i am going to use them

im holding back a bunch of thoughts bc most of them center around much more personal headcanons bc this is my emotional support eliksni :') plus ive written so much already im pretty sure you all think im insane.

If anyone has anything to add feel free! Id love to hear it, you may have some ideas/headcanons/interpretations i didn't list or i never though of! of course... most of this is projecting, who doesn't do that to their fave?

and honestly, i am so open to talking about him in depth, if you want to, shoot me a message! I'll get to it! :3

#okew NOW i can add tags??? thanks tumblr #anyways heres my insane rambling #ive had 2+ years to think about him and mold my perspective of him #watch bungie is going to do the polar opposite of everything ive said and i am going to walk out with my big bright red nose and clown shoe #HONK HONK #anyways enjoy and sorry it took so long! #asks #idk abt putting this in the main tag bc its not really something i share lightly tbh i dont think im very good at explaining things anymore #also most of this is biased as hell. i cant help but instill some personal shit in here. whos going to stop me? #headcanons

[drkcnry67]

let us have delayed fun!

title: Let Us Have Delayed Fun

pairing: Jensen x reader

fluff 2020 sq: delayed flights

kink 2020 sq: masturbation

rating: 18+ 

tags: heavy flirtation, some dirty dancing type thing, discreet sexual acts in public, guy fingering girl discreetly on the dancefloor in crowd of people, guy fingering girl in a crowded elevator

summery: not telling

created for @spnfluffbingo​  @spnkinkbingo​

fluff 2020 masterlist      part 1    kink 2020 masterlist

it hadnt been very long, actually but an hour since you both had set eyes on eachother. departing at the security gate you both went to wait for your respected flights home but after an hour a storm warning delayed all the outgoing flights. 

you both took your luggage and had the same idea, give the attendants your phone numbers to be alerted when the flights are ready to leave again, head to the nearest hotel and drink/dance the hours away…

this hotel just happened to be the same damn hotel (hyatt regency orlando international airport hotel) for it was just outside the hotel that you heard your name being called.

Jensen: “YN… YN wait up!”

you turned around to be face to face once more with Jensen… it was torture but it was better than being alone… 

Jensen: “thank goodness i caught up to you… i have been screaming your name for the entire walk from the desk in the airport to here…”

YN: “sorry i had ear buds in… let me guess your flight got delayed too..?”

jensen: “yes it did, how bout to save money we share a room… it would be a whole hell of a lot less boring…”

YN: “why not but we need to go dancing, i am gonna go stir crazy if i dont fall to a beat…”

Jensen: “it will happen, but first i think we need to get into something hot and sexy to blend in at the club…”

you nod as Jensen with his suitcase comes beside you and your suitcase both of you walking into the hotel. 

desk personal: “can i help you?”

Jensen: “yes we would like to check in, our flights got delayed…”

Desk personal: “i will need a name to charge the room under as well a card to charge it too…”

Jensen with his dashing smile pulled out his wallet and took out one of his cards.

Jensen: “name is Jensen Ackles. and ill charge this to Visa please. and make sure the room is non smoking with a balcony.”

Desk Personal: “of course mr Ackles. please tap when your ready and one of you will need to sign this agreement its just a standard agreement saying you wont destroy the rooms or anything like that…”

You looked at Jensen and then you took the pen and signed the paper… 

YN: “we are just smart enough to wait somewhere comfortable till this storm passes… however long it takes… we dont care…”

Desk personal: “ah yes well storms usually last about 2-3 days depending on the level of the storm. it will be a while so yes you both are very smart in waiting someplace comfortable. now here is your room key you are in room 405 enjoy your stay and welcome to the Hyatt regency Orlando international airport hotel.”

you take the room key and shove it in the corner of your bra so you can take your suitcase in one hand while Jensen take your hand with his free hand. he keeps eyeing you, like he wants to jump you right then right there. 

Jensen: “you know if you wear something with easy access you and i will have some fun on the dancefloor. some very heated decreet fun..”

he flashed you another one of his charming smiles. this made your knees feel week. both of you got into the elevator pushing the button to go to the floor to go to your room. 

YN: “there is a club down the road calld Noches Azul, i hear its a popular and amazing place for those who like to move with the beat of their own drum.”

Jensen: “then we shall dress to the appropriate color too… ladies first.”

he says as the elevator doors opened. you walked out first and started down the hall slowly till Jensen stepped off the elevator then it was fair game you turned and blew him a kiss before taking off down the hall. 

Jensen dropped his luggage beside yours in front of your door and pursured you, when he caught you he picked you up bridal style before reaching in to grab the key card out of your bra with his teeth.

 then using your free hand you slid it in the door Jensen used his elbow to push the door open. he carried you placing you on the bed placing ferverous kisses all over your body.

this continued for several moments before you both pulled back and smiled.

YN: “if we dont get off of this bed we wont make it dancing… we want to have some discreet fun dont we?”

Jensen groaned at you, but of course he knew you were right…

Jensen: “your right. so what are you wearing tonight?”

YN: “stay right here and ill show you…”

you go into the other room away from Jensen’s view and you put on the little blue dress you had found  at the airport. it just happened to fit the bill… once the dress was on you put all your stuff nice-ishly back where it was.

YN: “Jensen play Sexy Back… i want to see your reaction to me in this dress with this song.”

you listen for the start of the song, it starts and you wait for the bridge, where you begin to move slowly then you began to move into view along the wall when the chorus started. 

as you continued to move your body on the corner of the wall you watched Jensen’s eyes not leave your form. you could see the lust in his eye, you could see the way his lips curled and the way he licked his lips. it turned you on so bad. 

Jensen: “when did you pick this little number up?”

YN: “at the airport after i passed security, i went to grab a snack and came out with this dress. what do you think?”

Jensen: “i love it, it is exactly what will help this night to go smoothly. as well as it just looks smashing on you.”

Jensen had already stopped the song, you continued to stand against the wall, but Jensen figured he had to find something hot for himself to wear. you waited paitently for him to come back wearing the navy shirt along with some Jeans. 

you let out a whistle for that shirt brought out his features very well. you had your leather jacket on the couch near by, Jensen had his in hand as well, you handed him your id to keep in his wallet along with the key card. 

in moments you were off walking through the small area to the club. where you both would dance and dance till your hearts content or till you both felt so hot and heavy that it would be beneficial if you were anywhere but there. 

arriving you both showd your id and were let inside. you both checked your jackets and Jensen stuck the check stubs in his wallet. you both went straight to the dance floor. you were glued to Jensen like a dirty shirt. 

no one would dare to mess with either of you. finding a nice darkish spot on the dancefloor private enough for some “secret” fun. 

both of you now taking part in the music, the beat coursing through your forms, your shared forms blending not missing a single beat no one around you paid any attention. 

under the dimest spotlight there was, you and Jensen now stood making yourselves as comfortable as could be. the beat taking over, the feeling of Jensen’s hands roaming your body, this made your pussy very very wet. 

Jensen(whispering in your ear): “grind my fingers baby keep dancing.”

you did as commanded, you were so wet and had orgasmed 5 times by the time the song was done. thats when Jensen pulled his fingers back again before you could orgasm again, he once more leaned down to whisper.

Jensen (whispering): “squirt for me baby!”

Jensen once more dipped his fingers hard into your soaking wet pussy. the silent moans, the rest of the club clueless as fuck and the feeling of Jensen’s fingers diving deeper and deeper into your pussy.

 your body kept moving trying to contain any signs that you were discreetly being masturbated by a man you have only known for a month. this was your normal, this felt right in more ways than one. 

Jensen had been there for you from the first day you met him. till now you had been completely alone, no man had entered your life long enough to even have your first kiss, long enough to ever make it as far as you had with Jensen. to be feeling these feelings made you wonder if he felt it to. 

truth was he was completely feeling the same thing you were this was how you first swiruted, this was the man you knew was to be your present as well as your future. 

in that moment you didnt care, you knew eventually your flights would take you both home seperately and probably your paths would never cross again. but in this moment it felt like heaven on earth. 

Jensen hit one sweet spot and you squirted, discreetly you and Jensen giggling and smiling walked out of that club as fast as possible remembering to grab your coats on the way out. 

arriving outside the club and walking back to the hotel you both laughed, for it was to be destiny that would give you both the biggest surprise ever. 

arriving back at the hotel you both stumble up to the room, shutting the door again ending up in eachothers arms on the bed, the clothes you guys had been wearing were now all over the floor, and both of you were now cuddled in bed having just done sex for what felt like the millionth time during this entire trip.

reality started to sink in when the phone calls came in 6 hours later, this was when it sunk in. both of you looked at the clock it read 3:30am this was the time that the delay was no more. this was when you were both disturbed to get up get repacked and get ready for your flights home. 

Jensen: “ill never forget the time we spent together. i left you something in your suitcase. you will find it and know what it means when the time comes. i also took down your address and phone number ill be sending you little things to show you i havent forgotten.”

YN: “i feel the same way but once we leave here, why would you waste time on a non celeb like me. i mean sure maybe our friends set us up but we wont know that till we confront them. i should have said this sooner but before i get on this plane there is something you should know. i think i have fallen for you. but i know not what to think at this moment. i took down your number as well, please understand that i may not communicate right away but thats cause i have a best friend whose anxiously awaiting my return home.”

Jensen: “same here, but please let me know when you do arrive home. i would like to know you arrived safely.”

Jensen helped you once more by helping you with your bags as he walked by your side to the airport and up to the check in once more to get your updated tickets and then it was time to part once more in such sweet sorrow. 

you and jensen let go of your bags and hugged it out once more before parting to your respected gates. but you whispered in his ear when you hugged him.

YN: “i will let you know when im back on home soil. i will always remember your touch.”

Jensen and you parted and went on your way. arriving home you sent Jensen a text.

YN (texting Jensen): “hey Jensen its YN. i am back on home soil and i already miss your embrace. i am heading to baggage to collect my luggage, then to meet my best friend in the lobby. home hasnt changed. let me know when you land and what your seeing too. ill look forward to being in more correspondance with you soon <3″

you grabbed your bag and went down the escalator straight into the arms of your best friend. you broke down as soon as you hit her embrace. she just stood there hugging you not caring that either of you were in public, you both stood there as you cried.

Beth: “what happened girl?”

YN: “long story short the trip was amazing, but i fear i have fallen in love with someone i might never seen again. i missed you.”

Beth: “come on lets get you out of here and back home.”

you both exited the airport and went back home. later when you were alone you looked at your phone and saw a messgae from jensen.

Jensen (via text): “hey beautiful i made it home to, i know how you feel, it feels weird to be home again. my best friend is waiting i just grabbed my luggage. i hope everything goes well. till we speak again. i miss you too <3″

that was the message that sent you into a suspended sleep your bestie crawled into bed after she was done her work. she didnt care that you were passed out. she was just happy that you were home.

Jensen had a similar greeting from his best friend and returned home to his large and half empty bed also falling into a suspended sleep all he could think about was you. 

*to be continued*

#spnfluffbingo #spnkinkbingo

[rainecloud020604]

below the cut is a bit of a long venty self reflection.. tw: sensitive topics, the specifics are in the tags

so with quartinteen going on i’ve had a lot of time to look at myself and my actions, i have a bad habit of over analyzing things and ripping them apart. including myself.

i’ve noticed that i keep a lot of things to myself to the point where its unhealthy, i dont tell people when im upset, i dont tell people that im hurt, i dont even tell my parents when i feel sick anymore unless i feel like im dying and need medicine and maybe a trip to the doctor. Im still scared to do that...

i get made fun of and mocked, told im overreacting when im sick or hurt by my parents. its really affected me, being told to walk it off cause im being a baby or im being a drama queen for attention i dont really want. its at the point where i have fallen into a habit of lying about my health, some days i feel like utter shit and i know it will show, i will tell some people, not my parents, my friends i talk to that day. it’s gotten to the point where i was ready to kill myself because my parents wouldnt listen and take me to a doctor after i could eat or drink anything for two weeks without immediately rushing to the bathroom, that was new years eve... i almost did, it took a lot to not do that, and i scared myself, i was scared to call a hotline, i was scared to move, go downstairs, speak, after i spent 30 minutes breaking down and begging my parents to take me to a doctor i was done with life and done with trying. This really affected me and shook me up for months, it was the first time in years i had ever thought about doing that, i felt horrible and miserable cause i scared a lot of people that night. 

my mental health is even worse than my physical health all the time, i normally wont talk about it when its bad unless someone asks, i’ve been brushed off so many times by my family i no longer have that confidence i used to. my dad for the longest of time told me my depression didnt exist until my doctor did, he told me i was lying for attention, he told me i didnt have anxiety, i didnt have anything wrong and i needed to shut up and pay attention, push through it and shut up. mental health issues were tabo around my parents for ages, when we got kicked out of our house and moved in with some friends my mental issues really showed through, this was around the time i joined tumblr, my parents would fight constantly and i fled here for safety, it was clear i had something wrong, all of my sibling do as well, my brother has anger issues and doesnt know how to cope with that, he tends to hit things and hit me when angry cause i pissed him off or was in his way, he’s 11 and three times my size. im 16. my sister has anxiety and depression as well, she always drags herself down and fakes a smile to everything, she cant handle being yelled at anymore. we all have faced abuse from my parents, and then moving into a super toxic and worse place for a year made everything worse, my parents stressed and fighting to the point where we would hide and cry cause it was so much. partially through that year i snapped at my best friends dad for being homophobic, racist and sexist, i said a few things and got suspended from my school while there was a sexual predator on the campus after my friends, he was never arrested and he tried to contact me recently because he was bored. i was broken for awhile but going to the magnet school i met some people who helped me. i made a new friend. that place that was toxic we left after they tried framing us for a bed bug issue and tried making us clean the entire house, and the guy who was my dads formal best friend called my mom a few nasty things and called us all lazy and ungrateful. i had a bike stolen during the move and they refused to give it back. we stayed in a hotel for a bit, i became everyones therapist for a few days, my brothers, sisters, moms and even my dads, i couldnt vent to anyone. we moved in with my grandma, my step grandpa turned out to be an abusive asshole and attacked my aunt and almost attacked my mom and grandma one night when we were going to bed, i had both my brother and sister in my room hiding and crying, i was comforting them and telling them the yelling would be over soon. 

my grandma had her ac detroyed, license plate stolen, other stuff stolen from her as well, i was scared to walk to school for a month and had to look at the door at all times. one day he randomly busted through the door and i broke down scared as hell because i was in line of sight and the first person he saw, and was in the same room as him. it took me awhile to recover from that. later on i started failing my classes, i couldnt keep up because my old school wasnt where they were, i was ahead but behind because my motivation slacked and i didnt want to be there, i started getting really sick, i went to try to see my guidance counselor one day because i was ready to break down at everything and i needed to talk to someone and possibly go home, i saw a different one, they recommended a mental health counselor and i start counseling sessions, when i checked out the nurse shamed me for not going to her and checking out. i walked home that day and cried. i started counseling sessions after that, i was still scared to speak about all of these issues, some weeks i didnt see her, others i did, the first day my ela teacher flipper her shit cause i was late that day to her class after i was at a counseling session for part of her class cause i needed to say things and speak. i lost the confidence to talk to me ela teacher after that. she would have issues with the fact that i couldnt speak loudly at times, part of the year she hated the fact that i drew in her class to focus, it took me twice explaining it before she would let me. later on that year she accused me of doing other classwork and make me hold up what i was drawing rather than walking over, i cried the rest of her class and had a panic attack in biology venting to a friend. my parents told me i was being dramatic after breaking down and explaining how my day went. i started to stop speaking up about my issues entirely to them. 

i’ve had issues when i am sick at school, i’ve gotten grounded for going home sick, after i was told i could call home, it was because the nurse said i looked tired, she also had told my dad that he knew me better than she did so she was unsure, he told me in the car i put the family to shame and made him look bad, took away my devices, left for work while i took a nap, i woke up still sick and felt even worse mentally, i forced myself to walk and finish up the rest of the school day. it took my mom yelling at my dad to get my devices back, he guilt tripped me after giving them back and i felt horrible for the weekend. 

my dad started saying i was faking being sick to skip school, keep in mind i have never skipped a day in my life and have always enjoyed going to school, he was just pissed off. my mental health was affecting my physical health, i wasnt able to see my mental health counselor for a month, when i needed to most. 

i started developing and eating disorder again, i started to only eat one meal a day, starve myself for existing, i’ve been fighting it for awhile, it decided to get worse, i am still fighting it. i am at a point where i can handle two meals a day again which is progress. 

when quartinteen started, that ment i was stuck at home, unable to focus on my classes anymore, and my counseling sessions were done in zoom, i wasnt ever in a safe place to openly speak. i tried pushing for therapy, my parents considered and agreed, they tried to figure something out and never got back to it. everything has gotten worse, not only in my head but the world around me...

keep in mind all this, happened in two years. most of the belittling and breaking me down however has gone on for most of my life.

i dont want sympathy, i want to get this off my damn chest, i dont want attention, i was this at hand so when i need to point at something that happened to me i have to reference to while im breaking down. im sorry about all this mess and wasting time typing this out and that right now isnt the time to hear me whine. 

#rainecloud020604 vents #vent post #vent #tw: abuse #tw: eating problems #tw: ed mention #tw: suicide mention #tw: guilt tripping #tw: neglect #tw: panic attack #tw: self harm mention #ask to tag

[legion1993]

Let us have Delayed Fun

title: Let Us Have Delayed Fun

pairing: Jensen x reader

fluff 2020 sq: delayed flights

kink 2020 sq: masturbation

rating: 18+ 

tags: heavy flirtation, some dirty dancing type thing, discreet sexual acts in public, guy fingering girl discreetly on the dancefloor in crowd of people, guy fingering girl in a crowded elevator

summery: not telling

created for @spnfluffbingo​  @spnkinkbingo​

fluff 2020 masterlist      part 1    kink 2020 masterlist

it hadnt been very long, actually but an hour since you both had set eyes on eachother. departing at the security gate you both went to wait for your respected flights home but after an hour a storm warning delayed all the outgoing flights. 

you both took your luggage and had the same idea, give the attendants your phone numbers to be alerted when the flights are ready to leave again, head to the nearest hotel and drink/dance the hours away…

this hotel just happened to be the same damn hotel (hyatt regency orlando international airport hotel) for it was just outside the hotel that you heard your name being called.

Jensen: “YN… YN wait up!”

you turned around to be face to face once more with Jensen… it was torture but it was better than being alone… 

Jensen: “thank goodness i caught up to you… i have been screaming your name for the entire walk from the desk in the airport to here…”

YN: “sorry i had ear buds in… let me guess your flight got delayed too..?”

jensen: “yes it did, how bout to save money we share a room… it would be a whole hell of a lot less boring…”

YN: “why not but we need to go dancing, i am gonna go stir crazy if i dont fall to a beat…”

Jensen: “it will happen, but first i think we need to get into something hot and sexy to blend in at the club…”

you nod as Jensen with his suitcase comes beside you and your suitcase both of you walking into the hotel. 

desk personal: “can i help you?”

Jensen: “yes we would like to check in, our flights got delayed…”

Desk personal: “i will need a name to charge the room under as well a card to charge it too…”

Jensen with his dashing smile pulled out his wallet and took out one of his cards.

Jensen: “name is Jensen Ackles. and ill charge this to Visa please. and make sure the room is non smoking with a balcony.”

Desk Personal: “of course mr Ackles. please tap when your ready and one of you will need to sign this agreement its just a standard agreement saying you wont destroy the rooms or anything like that…”

You looked at Jensen and then you took the pen and signed the paper… 

YN: “we are just smart enough to wait somewhere comfortable till this storm passes… however long it takes… we dont care…”

Desk personal: “ah yes well storms usually last about 2-3 days depending on the level of the storm. it will be a while so yes you both are very smart in waiting someplace comfortable. now here is your room key you are in room 405 enjoy your stay and welcome to the Hyatt regency Orlando international airport hotel.”

you take the room key and shove it in the corner of your bra so you can take your suitcase in one hand while Jensen take your hand with his free hand. he keeps eyeing you, like he wants to jump you right then right there. 

Jensen: “you know if you wear something with easy access you and i will have some fun on the dancefloor. some very heated decreet fun..”

he flashed you another one of his charming smiles. this made your knees feel week. both of you got into the elevator pushing the button to go to the floor to go to your room. 

YN: “there is a club down the road calld Noches Azul, i hear its a popular and amazing place for those who like to move with the beat of their own drum.”

Jensen: “then we shall dress to the appropriate color too… ladies first.”

he says as the elevator doors opened. you walked out first and started down the hall slowly till Jensen stepped off the elevator then it was fair game you turned and blew him a kiss before taking off down the hall. 

Jensen dropped his luggage beside yours in front of your door and pursured you, when he caught you he picked you up bridal style before reaching in to grab the key card out of your bra with his teeth.

 then using your free hand you slid it in the door Jensen used his elbow to push the door open. he carried you placing you on the bed placing ferverous kisses all over your body.

this continued for several moments before you both pulled back and smiled.

YN: “if we dont get off of this bed we wont make it dancing… we want to have some discreet fun dont we?”

Jensen groaned at you, but of course he knew you were right…

Jensen: “your right. so what are you wearing tonight?”

YN: “stay right here and ill show you…”

you go into the other room away from Jensen’s view and you put on the little blue dress you had found  at the airport. it just happened to fit the bill… once the dress was on you put all your stuff nice-ishly back where it was.

YN: “Jensen play Sexy Back… i want to see your reaction to me in this dress with this song.”

you listen for the start of the song, it starts and you wait for the bridge, where you begin to move slowly then you began to move into view along the wall when the chorus started. 

as you continued to move your body on the corner of the wall you watched Jensen’s eyes not leave your form. you could see the lust in his eye, you could see the way his lips curled and the way he licked his lips. it turned you on so bad. 

Jensen: “when did you pick this little number up?”

YN: “at the airport after i passed security, i went to grab a snack and came out with this dress. what do you think?”

Jensen: “i love it, it is exactly what will help this night to go smoothly. as well as it just looks smashing on you.”

Jensen had already stopped the song, you continued to stand against the wall, but Jensen figured he had to find something hot for himself to wear. you waited paitently for him to come back wearing the navy shirt along with some Jeans. 

you let out a whistle for that shirt brought out his features very well. you had your leather jacket on the couch near by, Jensen had his in hand as well, you handed him your id to keep in his wallet along with the key card. 

in moments you were off walking through the small area to the club. where you both would dance and dance till your hearts content or till you both felt so hot and heavy that it would be beneficial if you were anywhere but there. 

arriving you both showd your id and were let inside. you both checked your jackets and Jensen stuck the check stubs in his wallet. you both went straight to the dance floor. you were glued to Jensen like a dirty shirt. 

no one would dare to mess with either of you. finding a nice darkish spot on the dancefloor private enough for some “secret” fun. 

both of you now taking part in the music, the beat coursing through your forms, your shared forms blending not missing a single beat no one around you paid any attention. 

under the dimest spotlight there was, you and Jensen now stood making yourselves as comfortable as could be. the beat taking over, the feeling of Jensen’s hands roaming your body, this made your pussy very very wet. 

Jensen(whispering in your ear): “grind my fingers baby keep dancing.”

you did as commanded, you were so wet and had orgasmed 5 times by the time the song was done. thats when Jensen pulled his fingers back again before you could orgasm again, he once more leaned down to whisper.

Jensen (whispering): “squirt for me baby!”

Jensen once more dipped his fingers hard into your soaking wet pussy. the silent moans, the rest of the club clueless as fuck and the feeling of Jensen’s fingers diving deeper and deeper into your pussy.

 your body kept moving trying to contain any signs that you were discreetly being masturbated by a man you have only known for a month. this was your normal, this felt right in more ways than one. 

Jensen had been there for you from the first day you met him. till now you had been completely alone, no man had entered your life long enough to even have your first kiss, long enough to ever make it as far as you had with Jensen. to be feeling these feelings made you wonder if he felt it to. 

truth was he was completely feeling the same thing you were this was how you first swiruted, this was the man you knew was to be your present as well as your future. 

in that moment you didnt care, you knew eventually your flights would take you both home seperately and probably your paths would never cross again. but in this moment it felt like heaven on earth. 

Jensen hit one sweet spot and you squirted, discreetly you and Jensen giggling and smiling walked out of that club as fast as possible remembering to grab your coats on the way out. 

arriving outside the club and walking back to the hotel you both laughed, for it was to be destiny that would give you both the biggest surprise ever. 

arriving back at the hotel you both stumble up to the room, shutting the door again ending up in eachothers arms on the bed, the clothes you guys had been wearing were now all over the floor, and both of you were now cuddled in bed having just done sex for what felt like the millionth time during this entire trip.

reality started to sink in when the phone calls came in 6 hours later, this was when it sunk in. both of you looked at the clock it read 3:30am this was the time that the delay was no more. this was when you were both disturbed to get up get repacked and get ready for your flights home. 

Jensen: “ill never forget the time we spent together. i left you something in your suitcase. you will find it and know what it means when the time comes. i also took down your address and phone number ill be sending you little things to show you i havent forgotten.”

YN: “i feel the same way but once we leave here, why would you waste time on a non celeb like me. i mean sure maybe our friends set us up but we wont know that till we confront them. i should have said this sooner but before i get on this plane there is something you should know. i think i have fallen for you. but i know not what to think at this moment. i took down your number as well, please understand that i may not communicate right away but thats cause i have a best friend whose anxiously awaiting my return home.”

Jensen: “same here, but please let me know when you do arrive home. i would like to know you arrived safely.”

Jensen helped you once more by helping you with your bags as he walked by your side to the airport and up to the check in once more to get your updated tickets and then it was time to part once more in such sweet sorrow. 

you and jensen let go of your bags and hugged it out once more before parting to your respected gates. but you whispered in his ear when you hugged him.

YN: “i will let you know when im back on home soil. i will always remember your touch.”

Jensen and you parted and went on your way. arriving home you sent Jensen a text.

YN (texting Jensen): “hey Jensen its YN. i am back on home soil and i already miss your embrace. i am heading to baggage to collect my luggage, then to meet my best friend in the lobby. home hasnt changed. let me know when you land and what your seeing too. ill look forward to being in more correspondance with you soon <3″

you grabbed your bag and went down the escalator straight into the arms of your best friend. you broke down as soon as you hit her embrace. she just stood there hugging you not caring that either of you were in public, you both stood there as you cried.

Beth: “what happened girl?”

YN: “long story short the trip was amazing, but i fear i have fallen in love with someone i might never seen again. i missed you.”

Beth: “come on lets get you out of here and back home.”

you both exited the airport and went back home. later when you were alone you looked at your phone and saw a messgae from jensen.

Jensen (via text): “hey beautiful i made it home to, i know how you feel, it feels weird to be home again. my best friend is waiting i just grabbed my luggage. i hope everything goes well. till we speak again. i miss you too <3″

that was the message that sent you into a suspended sleep your bestie crawled into bed after she was done her work. she didnt care that you were passed out. she was just happy that you were home.

Jensen had a similar greeting from his best friend and returned home to his large and half empty bed also falling into a suspended sleep all he could think about was you. 

*to be continued*

#spnfluffbingo #spnkinkbingo

[hte-spagheti]

toyhouse tutorial 101

yo heres a tutorial 4 how 2 upload characters 2 toyhouse cuz its weird n complicated. this is mostly 4 my friends but any1 can rb it xoxo. under tha cut its long as FUCK

step 1 is mouse ovr that submit button n click tha character button. its on tha very top of tha screen

after u do that u will see this page. lots of fields and boxes very scary. theres evn more if u scroll we will get 2 those

click tha “choose file” button under tha “upload avatar” box n select tha avatar 4 this character. u can also crop it using tha slider and drag tha picture around 

check out my sexy cursors frm totallyfreecursors dot com. that looks nice :)

now scroll down a liddol and u see all these things. character name is preddy self explanatory, just type tha name. dont worry abt tha next row yet ill make a part 2 4 those this is Basics. u know wut tags do they make ur character show up when u search stuff. idk if any1 actually searches stuff tho so its not rlly important

this sexy bitch is tha fields spot <3 i usually put stuff liek full name n pronouns in there. press tha add fields button 2 add and tha x on tha lesf 2 delete. u can also click n drag tha blue arrow 2 move then up n down if u accidentally mess up tha order or smthng. tha “field name” box automatically bolds btw

this looks good :). u should probably keep it preddy short bcuz of tha way it formats, dont put liek their whole backstory here

this is tha main text box. THIS is where u put tha whole backstory. theres sum standard formatting tools most word processors hav but its mostly just a huge box u can write w/e u want it. u can also put html code, sum ppl hav preddy fun layouts but thats complicated who cares

if u made tha character by urself u can skip this part. but if sum1 else made it u gotta credit them. if they hav a toyhouse account press “on-site creator” and enter their username, maybe ask them abt tha other boxes i dont actually know wut those mean. if they dont hav a toyhouse enter a url 4 their other social media. i made tutorial guy by myself tho so i dont need 2

when it looks good click create character! u can always come back n edit later dw if its not perfect. tha upload image tab is a mini version of tha next step ill get there in a sec

so now ur page looks liek this. heres how all tha steps above look on a completed profile

u may notice evn tho tutorial guy haz an icon, there r no images in their gallery. tha icon does not count as an image u hav 2 upload it separately or u wont b able 2 see it fullsize

there r 2 ways 2 upload a new image, tha top bar under submit, and tha left sidebar on ur characters page 

they both redirect 2 tha same menu. step 1 is choose ur file, standard image file choosing thing. toyhouse supports pngs, jpgs, and animated gifs! u can put a caption if u want, most ppl dont

if you used tha upload image button on ur characters page, tha character will b in this field automatically. u can also add more characters if there r multiple ppl in tha drawing w tha add character button

heres tha artist credit field. ur own username will b here by default. this is similar 2 tha design credit above, if tha artist haz a toyhouse put their username, if they dont click “off site artist” n enter a url. i think ur supposed 2 credit if u use a dollmaker but im not sure. u can also put multiple artists if its a collab 

this is tha watermark field. by default i think it puts a huge ass toyhouse watermark ovr ur nice art so change both of these 1 “full size” there wont b a watermark. other than that dont worry abt it

finally, this is tha n$fw warning field. if ur art is a liddol Saucy make sure u put a warning. i dont know tha specific policies that classify whats “mild s*xual content” and wut is “explicit s*xual content”, maybe check tha rules n tos (those links r at tha very bottom of evry page). theres also a field for gore, and a more general “sensitive content” field. if ur not sure, just click that and u can put a custom warning. when you mouse ovr tha image tha warning will display

now we hav an image :) u can look at tha whole gallery by clicking tha button on tha left there, and it will automatically display a few images on tha main profile liek this

thats it!!! u did it u read tha whole tutorial! this is a very basic thing theres a lot more features but i dont want this 2 go on 4EVR so im ending here. if u hav questions ask in tha forums or see if u hav friends w toyhouse accounts who can help :)

#toyhouse tutorial

[amplesalty]

TV Binging: Pushing Daisies (2007-2009)

The facts were these...

At the risk of immediately dating this entry, the entire world is in the grip of a certain public health crisis right now and it seems everyone is taking that time to learn a new language, plunder their local supermarket for baking ingredients or just dive into that long neglected Netflix watchlist for something to pass the seemingly never-ending lockdown hours. For unknown reasons, my brain turned to the late noughties sensation of Pushing Daisies. Maybe because it’s relatively short, only two seasons totaling 22 episodes, or maybe it was a means of finally putting it to bed after two previous failed attempts to watch it all.

For the uninitiated, the show centers around Ned, a small business owner with the unique ability of being able to bring the dead back to life with just a touch of his finger, albeit with a few asterisks attached. Chief amongst them is that if he touches that person or thing again, they go back to being dead, permanently. And, if that person or things stays living for longer than sixty seconds then the power of the Universe, the Grim Reaper or Final Destination kicks in and takes something else in its place. This was something Ned learned at a very young age when his mother died suddenly of a brain aneurysm and in the act of bringing her back to life, he inadvertently killed the father of his neighbour and childhood sweetheart, Charlotte ‘Chuck’ Charles.

Cut to 20 years in the future, or 19 years, 34 weeks, 1 day and 59 minutes later as the narrator so handily informs us, young Ned has become ‘the pie-maker’, running The Pie Hole where he’s able to massively slash his overheads by being able to make delicious pies by simply bringing rotting fruit back to life to serve as his ingredients. It’s amazing the profits you can turn when you can entirely cut out the middle man of fruit suppliers isn’t it?

Plus he makes a little money on the side by helping a local PI named Emerson Cod. Why do all the hard work of investigating a crime when you can simply have a corpse brought back to life for sixty seconds, long enough to ask them who killed them.

It’s through this little business arrangement that Ned stumbles upon the unfortunate news that Chuck’s body was fished from the sea after she seemingly fell overboard on a cruise. With the prospect of a $50,000 reward for information on her passing, Cod is quick to get on the case but in the heat of the moment, Ned has other motives than money and neglects to re-dead his childhood crush.

Thus the series blossoms into what I would describe as a murder mystery meets fairy tale type show, with Chuck now tagging along as one of the Scooby Gang as they solve a new case every week. That’s probably a pretty apt comparison too considering Ned’s dog is often around too, a dog that he also brought back to life and has been keeping around for twenty years. Though, Ned isn’t a massive stoner and Cod doesn’t wear an ascot. He does have a couple of knitted gun holsters though if you want to equate that as his ‘fruity’ accessory.

The reward is something that feels a little shoehorned in early on, they always seem to go out of their way to make a point of saying something like ‘police are baffled and are offering a reward that leads to an arrest’ just so there’s a reason for Cod to get involved. It does eventually settle into someone coming to Cod directly to hire his services, whether that be a grieving widow or family member of a falsely accused wanting to clear their relatives name. That just made a bit more sense to me. You kinda have to look past the fact that the police never seem to be actively involved in any of these cases as well, allowing Cod and co to just swan around doing their thing until they’re able to turn in the real killer at the end of the episode and cash their reward. It always seems that they have a knack of turning up like two minutes too later to someones murder. They do make a point of turning this on its head in one episode though when they find Ned at a murder scene and figure him as the killer.

And maybe it’s just me being a chauvinistic pig but good lord you cannot escape boobs in this show. Or maybe not just me, punch ‘Pushing Daisies cleavage’ into Google dot com and it looks like a few people were talking about this at the time. It felt like one of those things that, once I noticed it, I just couldn’t unsee it. Women always leaning over or camera shots from above looking down their dresses. Just cleavage everywhere. It seems to come up at slightly inappropriate times, like Chuck’s aunts who are socially repressed and virtual shut ins but are stilled dressed up the nines, boobs pushed up and spilling out.

It kinda makes sense for Olive though, waitress at the Pie Hole and with a thing for Ned so she’s just trying to seduce him but without much luck. Doesn’t mean they don’t go out of their way to show off the twins outside the restaurant though such as when Olive takes ownership of the swimming costumes that Chuck’s aunts used to use as part of their synchronized swimming stage show.

Speaking of Kristin Chenoweth’s set of lungs, she gets to show off her musical background a few times throughout the show by breaking into song . It feels a little out of place as there isn’t any other musical acts in the show but she does a great job.

A more family friendly point of design is just how beautiful this show looks at times. Like, pretty much the first thing you see in episode one is young Ned and his dog running through down a vast hillside of flowers. It’s a really vibrant use of colour that runs throughout the whole show, whether it’s sets or costumes, and really adds to this whole fantasy vibe aided by the fantastical nature of Ned’s special power.

Businesses that pop up as part of the story have these grand, bespoke designed buildings that seem like they would never logically exist in the real world like this honey business with a beehive theme...

...and interior decorations  centered around hexagons.

Even something as clinical as the city morgue almost leaps off the screen with a bold red and white striped building. Though, I feel having an entrance labelled ‘deliveries’ brings back a little bit of the coldness you would expect. They might be dead but give them some dignity, they’re not pizzas.

You occasionally get these childhood fantasy sequences as well from when Ned and Chuck would play together as kids, imagining the world in claymation before they would inevitably destroy it as they pictured themselves as giant monsters.

It ties into the characters as well, everyone wearing very colourful clothes except for Ned who only ever seem to dress in blacks or greys.

Except for when he has to act under false pretenses, pretending to be someone else in order to get information from someone or to distract a suspect. To play amateur psychologist for a moment, with someone neurotic as Ned, it’s like a visual representation of his inner self no longer confined, no longer suppressed under the weight of the problems he’s bottling up and pushing deep down within himself. For a brief moment he’s able to break free from the shackles of his black and white world and into rich and living colour. It’s like a strange inverse of how things might usually work where a splash of colour would make someone or something stand out amongst an otherwise drab background. Somehow Ned’s lack of colour draws the eye.

On a more technical level, it is often quite obvious how superimposed the actors are against the fancy backgrounds and that can be a tad distracting. The editing between scenes can sometimes lend to the creative feel of the series, there are a few episodes where instead of the usual wipes you get something more appropriate to the story of the episode. For instance, in one episode centered around a magic theatre show, the transitions are the closing and opening of the stage curtains. It’s a little touch but it adds to the whimsy.

It all adds up to what might the most cutest, adorable thing I’ve ever seen, for the first few episodes at least. Maybe it’s a case of getting used to the whole thing but early on there’s a bit of a feeling out process (or non feeling as the case may be) between Ned and Chuck, the smiles they share or the ways they have to vicariously show their affection by hugging Cod. Him being the unwilling third party in this unconventional relationship doesn’t help take the edge of what might be a saccharine affair. There is a slight sense of ‘will they, wont they’ about Ned and Chuck,, subverting the usual TV payoff of a big kiss by doing so through plastic wrap.Makes you wonder how they explore their other urges under these circumstances. Or maybe that’s just the lockdown thirst kicking in again...

I think the distance they have plays with your head a little bit. There’ a coyness to it that puts you in mind of a bunch of awkward kids at a school dance too nervous to dance with each other. Or maybe Ned standing two feet away from Chuck, holding his own hand and pretending it’s Chuck’s is just an eerie glimpse into the post apocalyptic world we’ll have to enter at some point and all our conventions of greetings and physical contact have been shattered.

For the rotating cast of peripheral characters the show goes through as each investigation comes and goes, it’s nice that a few a started to re-appear now and again, such as Paul Rubens’ Oscar, Christine Adams’ Simone or David Arquette’s Randy Mann. That last one is a name, not a description (a Randy Man, a Macho Savage). It helps build this broader world and story elements, albeit I’m torn on the latter. Oscar, for instance, suspects something is not quite right about Chuck and she worries that he’s going to uncover her secret. It never really goes anywhere though and, whilst you could argue that like any good mystery there is the odd red herring along the way, it still feels like a little bit of a bait and switch considering that are other things in the story that don’t get paid off.

I’ll have to look into the timeline for how the series came to a close because it definitely seems like they knew considering there’s a very tacked on epilogue to the final episode that tries to tie up some of the loose ends, but there are still some left that aren’t. Namely the presence of Ned’s father that he had thought had been long gone for some twenty years but had been closer than he thought the entire time, with the show giving periodical teases of him sitting in the Pie Hole or a more thrilling cameo as he sweeps in to rescue Ned and Olive from their untimely deaths as they cling to a branch on the edge of a cliff.

The fact that he does so whilst wearing a mask and wearing gloves is more of a way to lead Ned towards certain conclusions on the identity of this mystery man but I can’t help but wonder what the implications are on the gloves in particular. The mechanics of Ned’s power seem to be that contact in order to bring the dead back to life has to be made skin to skin, so maybe Ned inherited this power from his father and his father brought Ned back to life at some point? Maybe him abandoning Ned at a young age was done to eliminate any risk of him accidentally touching him again and making death permanent? I’m not sure that would hold up considering he later walks out on his new family and twin boys so this would require three different people to all have seemingly no memory of their own near death experience. Maybe it’s all been repressed, that wouldn’t be surprising considering all the childhood angst present in this show.

You know what else I’m confused on? The distance between Coeur d’Couers, where Chuck’s aunts live, and the Pie Hole. Maybe I’m misremembering or misheard but I’m sure in one episode the narrator mentions that they’re 161 miles apart, yet characters seem to go between the two like they’re five minutes away. One of the aunts arranges a secret date at the Pie Hole later on in the same night but that’s a pretty massive distance to cover considering they make a point that they’re only traveling on buses. I know travel is all relative to American’s considering the massive size of their country but that’s a pretty ridiculous distance to cover for a slice of pie.

#TV Binging #Pushing Daisies

[singingpeople]

Undoing - Chapter 7

tagging:

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@mom2reesie  @lauraaan182 @readsalot73 @beltz2016@you-wont-let-me-let-you-go @frecklefaceb @tomarisela  @kenzieam  

****massive trigger warning****

And yeah, I've seen you in my head every fucking day since I left You on the floor with your hands 'round your head And I'm down and depressed All I want is your head on my chest Touching feet in my bed I'm eleven minutes away and I have missed you all day I'm eleven minutes away, so why aren't you here?

You're eleven minutes away and I have missed you all day You're eleven minutes away, so why aren't you here?

The darkness surrounding me didn't want to budge. No matter how hard I tried to surface it always pulled me back under until I was floating again; weightless in a dimension that was all my own. There, neither time nor space mattered. There was no fear, no angry thoughts, just a divine me that did not care for trivial happenings.

I tried shaking it off, but it clung to me. As if it wouldn’t want to let me go. That’s when I realized, I wouldn’t like waking up.

Not at all.

At one point, when the urgency inside my chest got stronger, I could almost open my eyes. But they were like lead; someone had glued them shut and I felt myself sink deeper again.

An eternity later, the veil slowly started to lift and I regained some consciousness of my body, how my fingers felt, lying on a not quite soft blanket; the pillow underneath my head flat.

There was something slung over my face, leading to my nose. It felt cool and I realized it was a supply of oxygen. Something sticky, restraining on my hand; tape, most likely from an IV. My left hand in a cast – even with healing serum it would take weeks for it to fully heal. My head hurt, as well as my shoulder and every part of me,  felt sore. But the worst of all these dull pains was the emptiness inside me. For a moment, I thought it was just in my head, that overwhelming sense of loneliness – of being all alone in this city full of strangers. But when my hand wandered down, to rest on the non-existent bump, I knew it wasn't just in my head.

Slowly opening my eyes, blinking to get through the fog I stared down on my body; on the hand that was resting on my now flat again stomach.

I pressed my head back into the pillow, swallowing tightly.

I had known it. From the beginning on, I had known it. When that doctor handed me the black and white image of that little blip… something inside me had known that this would go wrong. That I would not get my happy end.

It hurt.

It hurt like hell.

But the sadness, the grief, the guilt were all numbed by the resignation I felt. Had felt all along. I know why I hadn't been so joyous, so happy like a mother-to-be should be. There was a reason I hadn't told Eric.

That voice inside me that doubted everything from the beginning. The one that was now sitting in her rocking chair, feet crossed and one eyebrow raised. ��I told you so.’,head shake, expression resigned she turned away, leaving me to wallow in my pity.

And like always she had been proven right.

It hurt to admit, but maybe some things weren’t for everyone… and maybe happiness was one of these things.

I don’t know how long I laid there, staring at the ceiling with my hand on my stomach when the large glass door to my room was pushed open. A nurse came inside, bustling around, checking the machines before turning to me. Her blue scrubs were a stark contrast to the white room.

“Oh, good. You’re awake.” She gave me a smile but her expression was still business, this was her job, nothing more.

I tried clearing my throat, it felt incredibly dry. I knew, had known all along but I had to ask. Sometimes you needed the finality of words. So your mind would understand. So you would understand.

Some things only became real once they were spoken out loud.

“My… child…”

“I’m sorry,” A tight-lipped smile, fake-empathy. “there was nothing we could do. The placenta ruptured, you lost a lot of blood and it was only four months old. No surgery in this world could have saved it.”

“O-okay.” Licking over my parched lips, I nodded. A heaviness had settled in my stomach and I waited for a wave of grief to hit me. But it didn’t come.

All I felt was numbness. “Wha-what’s the…verdict?”

“You mean your injuries?” She asked, grabbing the tablet and opening my chart when I nodded. “Let’s see…” She mumbled, swiping over the screen. “You have a concussion, a badly bruised shoulder, an old rip-fracture that we had to fix along with a newer one. Your left wrist was broken, we put a cast on it; a sprained ankle, a few older scabs on your back and of course, the miscarriage.”

Shakily exhaling, I bit into my cheek. Knowing you were fucked and hearing how fucked you were are two different things. No wonder my body felt as if it had been split in two with a blunt axe and then sewed back together.

This didn’t feel like me. This wasn’t me.

Something horrible as this, couldn’t happen to me… Or, could it?

When I didn’t answer her, nor showed any sign of understanding, the nurse cleared her throat. My eyes flew up to her.

“I’m going to get you some ice-chips.” Typing something into the screen beside my head, she left the room.

As soon as the door fell shut behind her, I stopped pretending and let myself sink back into the hard mattress. I laid there, just staring at the ceiling, not really comprehending that this was my reality. That everything wasn’t a strange, realistic dream but really had happened. It just didn’t feel… real to me.

But at the same time, I felt the despair gorging on my insides. The black pit in my stomach made it impossible to cry. I had collapsed, like a dying star. All that was left was a black hole, devouring everything in its path.

A lone tear ran down my cheek as I closed my eyes and turned around, wishing for that darkness to take me back.

.

.

.

Unwillingly, I had slept through the biggest scandal this city had ever seen. Once the nurses had made sure I was stable and had given me ice to calm my parched throat after I received another shot of healing serum and several others, like birth control and the likes, they talked about what was going to happen to them, now that erudite was under investigation.

I had perked up at that, asking them what happened and they glanced at each other, unsure if they should share their knowledge. Damn noses.

In the end, their need to show me their superiority won.

“Strange.” The second one said, raising her eyebrows. “I know you’ve been unconscious but it basically all revolves around you and why you are lying in this bed.”

“What revolves around me?” I had asked, already going over all the fucked up secrets buried inside my head. A little reluctant, they had relented to my requests, to my need to know everything and for once I didn’t give a fuck about being humble and selfless or about not showing weakness and ask for help.

I wanted to know what the fuck had happened after hepushed me down the stairs and left me there, lying in a sea of my own blood.

I closed my eyes, but the image of him, smiling down at me with his hand around my throat was burned into my retina.

The way it felt, tumbling down a seemingly endless flight of stairs, the cold wood underneath my fingers, then – wet grass. And a pair of warm, gentle hands turning my face around, brushing over my forehead…

If it hadn’t been for her… Who knows how long it would have taken someone to find me.

I closed my eyes, thankful that I had been brave enough to overcome my prejudices and talk to her. That one moment, that one decision had turned her into my savior.

Sighing, nurse two walked towards the screen in the upper left corner of the room and turned it on. It flickered, before coming to life. She didn't have to search for long. Apart from the old channels that played series and movies about a strange, modern world before the war, there were only two other channels, one for emergencies.

And the emergency broadcast they had talked about was playing on loop all day long.

Hands balled to fists, squeezing the blanket between them I stared onto the screen where hewas, standing on a make-shift stage in front of the office building where the abnegation government was held, behind him, united, all of the elders that held high-ranking positions.

He stepped forward, his face serious, a hint of sadness marking his features, hands crossed over the grey vest that hid his pouch – a tell-tale sign of his selfishness; of his over-indulgence in food.

He had always known how to act.

“There was an attack on our government last night.” He spoke, his sickly melodic voice making my skin crawl, as I watched the emergency video they had released two days ago. “Last night, a factionless, who we have cared and feed for as long as abnegation exists, broke into my house, expecting to find me there. Instead,” He paused and I swallowed. This wasn’t happening. He wasn’t fucking serious.

But he was, his expression hardening as if he really was angry at that made-up factionless.

“Instead, he surprised my assistant in her sleep, overpowered, and pushed her down the stairs.” I closed my eyes in horror. There it was. My shame. Laid out for everyone to see.

What good dauntless would let herself be overpowered by a fucking factionless?

“Badly hurt, she managed to make her way out to the front where she was found by our members, who made sure she got to the hospital and then came to alert me in my office, where I had been working late on a report.

That factionless,” He paused for theatrical reasons, voice full of regret when he dropped the bomb that put the whole city into turmoil. “was sent in a secret mission by dauntless and erudite.”

Oh,he was good.I could very well imagine the outcry this had caused in amity and candor. And of course, under the rightful members of Dauntless, maybe even erudite.

“Please, don’t get this the wrong way.” He continued, raising his hands in a pacifying gesture. “These factions as a whole are not to blame! I do not, nor have I ever doubted the leader’s loyalty to our government, our city. It just seems that a parallel society has developed without our knowledge that strives for power. A power they should never be granted. With all my heart, I hope that we are able to stop this poison running through the veins of our society and I believe, I know that throughout investigations will lead to the banishment of these insurgents and all their mislead ideals.”

He stopped speaking, standing tall and proud, like an honest man that he would never be. Suddenly, his expression hardened and that look I knew too well. It promised war.

“Otherwise, when we do get informed of troop movements from dauntless that threaten our city, we in Abnegation have to use the only weapon we have ever possessed.

We do not want to, not at all, but we won’t hesitate to retaliate

This city’s history is too valuable, too important to be forgotten.

But we will do what we have to.

If the only way to save our system is to wipe the memory of every single soul in this city, then so be it.

Faction before Blood.”

The screen went black and all I could do was stare at it. I was lost for words.

I wasn’t even surprised, that he had managed to twist every event, every argument, until it fit into his plan, into the illusion that was Marcus Eaton. Like a spider, he had carefully woven his web and caught the little fucking fly that was me. I was just a chess figure in a game I didn’t understand. A notch in his game plan to discredit his biggest foes. A bug, that was crushed under Jeanine Matthew’s gigantic ego.

A little girl that Max threw into the river to drown.

I didn’t even get what they were fighting over. I didn’t understand.

I had been sent to abnegation to find out if they were withholding supplies from the other factions; if they had secrets worth exposing, a reason to start a war.

But the only secret I had found, the only secret worth exposing would be my own undoing, my shame, my weakness.

I laid my head back onto the pillow.

Now, that everything had gotten out, just another way, maybe I could finally go home. Or what used to be home…

No one would look at me the same way and I would have to earn their respect again. To show, I wasn’t a stiff. That much I knew.

But was I dauntless?

Or had I become undone?

Lost in thought, I had forgotten all about the two nurses in my room.

“Don’t worry,” Number one said, glancing at me while checked the cast splinting my left wrist. “they have the girl who did it.”

I whipped my head towards her.

“What?” Blinking, I couldn’t make sense to her words. “What girl?”

“The one they found kneeling beside you.” She glanced at nurse number two. “Maybe you can’t remember, you hit your head pretty hard.”

“No!” I exclaimed, staring from one to the other in horror. Slowly, I started realizing what exactly they meant. “What do you mean, they have her in custody?!”

“Ehhrm,” Put off by my outbreak, she slowly inched away from me. “We got told that an envoy from candor will come by later, along with a higher ranking dauntless member. And that they found the girl kneeling beside you. That there is nothing for you to be afraid of, they have the culprit.”

“No!” I gasped, pushing myself up, ignoring their protests. “They don’t! That wasn’t her!”

“What do you mean?” It was obvious they didn’t quite believe me – or thought I had hit my head too hard to make sense. “Of course it was her. What else would a factionless do in abnegation?”

“She just found me, lying on the grass, okay?” The two of them were agitating to no end. Why was it so hard to get them to understand that despite her status, she was still a good person, a decent human being? “She is a friend of mine!”

This time their shared glances spoke of nothing but disdain.

“A factionless girl?”

“Yes.” My voice hardened as I stared them down, defiantly raising my chin. “I gave her my clothes and I always meet her when we hand out food. Her name is Luna. If she hadn’t found me, I don’t think I would have made it…”

“Alright.” Nurse two raised her hand in surrender. “Let’s just get you ready. You can tell the people that really need to know.”

I nodded, rolling my eyes. Fine. I didn’t want to spend more time with them than necessary, either. It didn’t take long for me to get decent, they had already washed me when I had been unconscious. I got a bowl of water, a small towel and a brush. After I was clean, even though clean was relative when you couldn’t use a shower, they helped me into my underwear, a pair of grey shorts and an oversized shirt that wouldn’t constrict any of the bandages.

It wasn’t much but thank god for small favors.

Ten minutes later, the nurses informed me that the members from candor and dauntless had arrived and it didn’t take long until the door to my room opened again. Nurse one lead a candor, a haughty, tall blonde woman into the room - followed by none other than Max himself.

Not really trusting my eyes, I blinked, staring at my former leader. His expression was unreadable and he stayed behind her, arms crossed over his chest, everything about him was dark. A stark contrast to the white behind him.

The candor introduced herself, but I didn't pay attention to her name, my mind still to occupied with the man behind her. I couldn't look away from him. First lesson: never turn your back to your enemy.

She cleared her throat and my gaze flew to her. Giving me a tight smile, she started speaking.

“I am really sorry to bother you so shortly after waking up, Casey. I hope this is alright.” I nodded, telling her that I was fine. She knew how a lie sounded like but let it slide. Once again clearing her throat she got down to business. Blunt and to the point.

"You surely understand, that after Marcus' accusations, this, your report as a witness has become our first priority. This is the reason why Max has agreed to join me, knowing this matter is too important as that a normal dauntless could have handled it.”

“Of course.” I gave them a tight smile, feeling my lips crack. With the help of the nurse, I sat up, pulling the blanket up to my chest, over the tent they called shirt. Between those two, the honest and the traitor, I felt more than just exposed. I cleared my throat, coughing lightly.

“There is one thing you have to know now though.” Max tensed in his spot behind her, staring at me. I tried to ignore his gaze burning through my face, daring me to speak out of turn. He tried to mask it, but I could tell he was nervous.

Afraid that I would expose him.

I could have… that moment I could have told the candor everything and there was nothing Max could have done in a hospital full of people.

But I didn’t. My loyalty for dauntless was still too big to betray them in such a manner.

“You have a girl in your custody, right?”

“Yes.” The candor nodded. “A factionless.”

“Luna?” I asked and she nodded, surprised. “It wasn’t her. She didn’t attack me.” I declared and the candor furrowed her brows.

“What do you mean? She was kneeling beside you when your faction members found you.”

“Yes, she called them." I made sure that she understood. "Luna found me after I made it outside. The man who attacked me… a- a factionless man at least twice my size broke into the house. He came into my room, where I was sleeping, he… hit me and then he dragged me to the stairs." Closing my eyes for a moment, I swallowed heavily. "He hit me again, asking where M-Marcus was and then he pushed me…” Staring at the wall, I felt the scenes resurface again. “I was lying on the foot of the stairs. He came down, saw me lying there, stepped over me and left through the door. I managed to drag myself outside where Luna found me. Please,” I added, pleading with them. “Don’t hurt her. She just tried helping me. Without her, the others wouldn’t have found me.”

“Okay.” She smiled at me. “I’m going to make sure she will be released from the holding cell as soon as we’re done here.”

“Thank you.” My relief was instant.

“Good, so let’s start from the beginning.”

“So, why don’t you tell us about the evening itself, for now?” The woman started, a recorder placed on the small table, a notebook in hand. Max was just staring at me, his head tilted. He stayed quiet, while the woman beside him asked the questions, observing, judging.

I started telling them half-the-truth, trying to remember what Marcus had said. That everything was dark and Marcus had left after dinner. About a factionless that came into my room while I was asleep. He grabbed me out of my bed, threatened me and when I couldn’t give him what he needed, he pushed me down the stairs.

“What was it?” The candor asked. “What was it that he needed?!”

I stared at her, blinking. I had no fucking idea. “I – I don’t know… I can’t remember…” I stumbled, staring down at the blanket I had been fiddling with the whole time. “It was something Marcus was supposed to have, I think… Something imaginary.” Letting my gaze wander to Max, I looked him in the eye. “Something that doesn’t exist.”

“You seem to remember that quite well, though.” His voice rang through the room and the candor stopped taking notes to look at him, too. “

“That’s the thing though.” I countered. “He confused me. He didn’t know what exactly he was searching for, either. He just knew it was supposed to be in the house. Not where or what… just that he needed it badly. He was lunatic… searching for something that never did and never will exist.”

“Like what?” The candor asked, brows furrowed in confusion.

“How on earth should I know what a mad man wanted from me, other than that he was willing to risk my life for it.” Looking at her, I just shrugged my shoulders. “There is nothing more I can help you with.”

I hope that message hit home. From the corner of my eye, I saw max shifting, his fists balled. How easy it was, to anger

“Are you sure?” She asked and when I nodded, she sighed, closing her notebook. She turned to Max. “If you’ll wait, I’m going to talk to the doctor real quick.” Max nodded and she left the room, being lead down the corridor by nurse one while two busied herself in another room.

Suddenly, the temperature in the room seemed to drop and I wished they hadn’t left me alone with him. Maybe, calling him a lunatic while he was in the same room hadn’t been the best idea.

The sound of the glass door being pulled shut raked a shiver down my spine and I swallowed, steeling myself for what I knew would come.

I could only hope for mercy.

For a moment, everything was silent except for the quiet beeping of the heart monitor. Max’ back was turned to me as he made sure, we truly were alone, that no one would interrupt us. When he turned around, my stomach fell.

Instead of the distant, indifferent expression, he had masked so carefully while the others were in the room, his eyes were hard, his anger starting to bleed through.

Slowly, so I could watch every single one of his steps, feel them resonate through my body he stepped forward until he stood over me; the ultimate position of power.

“You told him.” His voice was icy and he tilted his head, not once breaking eye contact. It wasn’t a question. I inhaled deeply, pinching the bridge of my nose. This really was too much for one day. I just wanted it to end already. I wanted Max to get the fuck out of my room.

This. All of this was his fault.

Not to mention, he wasn’t the leader I wanted to see so desperately…

“Max, listen…” I started, shaking my head slowly, exhausted. I didn’t know what to tell him. He was right. I had fear let get the better of me and exposed everything I had given my life for. “There was no evidence whatsoever. Abnegation isn’t hoarding anything. There are no secrets or conspiracies… they're just living their life!"

“You just didn’t look closely enough!” Max shook his head, his face pulled up in disgust. “And to think, I once thought you were our best initiate…”

His words hit me hard. I felt my lip quivering and bit down, trying to keep my emotions in check. I failed.

“Of course I did!” I hissed, leaning forward to stare him down. “I did nothing else but count and search through these fucking houses, Max! I was there when we got the food and I was there when it was either handed out to members or factionless! You saw the numbers yourself! Nothing was wrong with them! There was not a single piece of bread they kept to themselves!

They’re humble people, they did nothing wrong. Just because you do not like the results, doesn’t mean I didn’t risk everything for them, Max! I risked everything for you!”

Staring at me, Max suddenly started laughing. A laugh that made my blood run cold. “Not enough.”

Swallowing tightly, I slowly repeated his words. “Not enough?”

“No.” Licking over his lips, Max bared his teeth at me. “Do you have a fucking idea what you did, Casey? Because of you, Dauntless and Erudite are under investigation! Do you even have the slightest clue what we had to do

“That’s not my fault.” Voice shaking, I glared at him. “You are the one that threatened to wipe out a whole faction because of your misled ideals! Max. This isn’t dauntless! Being brave doesn’t mean being cruel, being fearless doesn’t mean being heartless! Eric knows tha– “

“Eric.” He interrupted me, chuckling harshly. “Is the most heartless motherfucker of them all. And you seem to have lost every last ounce of honor you had in your body. A real dauntless would not throw her faction to the wolves. Wouldn’t make friends with stiffs or factionless scum! And a real dauntless would never cower away from a mission, no matter how hard or futile it may seem!”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about – “ My voice was harsh, my anger bleeding through but he silenced me with one wave of his hand. I wanted to tell him that a real dauntless wouldn’t strive for power, no matter the cost. A real dauntless wouldn’t send a dependent to do his dirty work. A real dauntless wouldn’t risk the lives of those he swore to protect.

But I couldn’t get a word out.

I looked up into his face and his expression genuinely scared me.

It was cold and emotionless. Calculated.

He was the stronger one and he knew it.

There were two people in this room – and one of them held all the power.

Silenced, I swallowed while the trepidation ran through my veins. This wasn’t going to end well. Showing his teeth, Max’ smile was scarier than the glare he shot me.

"Well, good for you that you have taken a liking to abnegation." Max sneered before his smile became icy. “Since you have no choice than to stay there or become factionless.” Interrupting himself for a short moment, Max swirled the words around on his tongue, tasting their power; his superiority, my undoing. “You did not keep your promise, our deal is void.”

Mouth open, I stared at him not really understanding…

“No! Max, wait!” I gasped, when he straightened up, staring down at me through harsh, cold eyes.

“Look at it as a fitting punishment for being a traitor. You will never be dauntless again.” He was out the door before I could fully comprehend what exactly he had said but when I did, it slammed into my chest like a freight train.

“NO! MAX, PLEASE…” I screamed, trying to get off the bed but failed, the pain in my lower abdomen too bad. For a moment, I expected him to come back and tell me this was all a bad joke. That I could still go home. To my parents, to my mother who made pancakes every Sunday. To Lynn and Marlene and Uriah and Macy, my friends that loved me unconditionally. To Eric and all the times, we spent hiding away in dark nooks and his office.

To my old me that was waiting somewhere, hidden behind the thick rocks of Dauntless.

But Max didn’t come back. I was all alone, on my own, like I had been that moment I stepped into the office. Like the moment, my blood hit stone. Like the moment, my feet were dangling over the edge and he threatened to let go.

They had doomed me.

Now, there truly wasn’t any going back again.

Everything, from losing my family, losing my friends, Eric, our childand now even my faction and with that all hope I had of ever returning to my old life, it returned at once and I knew I couldn’t do this.

I couldn’t do this anymore.

I couldn’t…

I couldn’t…

I couldn’t breathe.

Clawing on my neck, I tried to suck in oxygen, to inhale the sweet air but my lungs were so painfully constricted, it felt as if they had collapsed. Gasping for breath, the wild beeping of the monitor beside me was mere background noise as I ripped on all the tubes that surrounded me, kicking the blanket off the bed.

I had to get out of here.

I would not die in here.

Alarmed by the heart monitor going off, after I had ripped the electrodes from my skin, two nurses came rushing in, gripping my hands, pushing me back on the bed.

“What is wrong?” One of them asked concerned, pushing my wrists to the bed. She should have been never able to do that, I was so much stronger than her!

“Can’t…” I just got out, still struggling in their grip.

“Do you think there’s something wrong with her lungs?” One asked, but the other shook her head, trying to restrain me back to the bed.

“It looks more like a panic attack.” The second one said, her voice quiet in my ears.

Everything was getting hazy, which had a fresh surge of adrenalin flood my veins. Ripping my right arm up, it painfully collided with the face of the nurse and I felt her nose break under the force. Cursing, her hands shot up and she turned away, trying to quench the gushing blood. But I had no chance using her distraction. A needle was pushed into the tender skin of my neck and before I could protest, before I could try to escape this nightmare my life had become, I had sunk back into the bed, my eyelids drooping shut.

All I remembered thinking that moment was, that maybe I was better not ever waking up again.

That night, standing in the bathroom of the hospital room, I raised the scissors – and cut off my hair until it ended up just over my shoulder. I stared at the stranger in front of me, dead eyes staring back. There was no fire left in her, no fight left.

There was no old Casey, she had died the moment her blood dripped down on anything other than coal.

There was just this new one, this new me that I had to rebuild from the ground; this act I had to master to survive.

The new Casey had no home, no family, no real faction. She was living under the same roof as a monster; his plaything. She would no longer care for herself but for others. She would be resilient; bear whatever fate had in store for her.

She was selfless.

Grey.

And she didn’t give a fuck about her hair anymore.

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The purple bags beneath my eyes didn’t go away. My hair, unwashed for the last one and a half weeks, hung down in uneven strands from where I had tried cutting it with the blunt hospital scissors. I did no longer care about vanity; nor about not angering him. I felt like, by now, the kiss of the belt would be a welcomed pain.

A welcome distraction.

Nothing could be worse than the black pit directly beneath my heart where a life had been growing; A life that had been brutally and maliciously ended by the man in front of me.

He didn’t scare me anymore; I don’t think anything could.

There was nothing worse he could do to me, than the things I had already suffered through by his hands.

It had been three weeks since I was released from the hospital; three and a half since I woke up on what I had placed in at the top five worst day’s of my life, ever.

He had visited once, for pretense purposes only. He was so insanely busy with leader’s business, now that he knocked two other factions out of the race for power.

Yes, his threat had been successful. Not two days later a total of six dauntless and four erudite had been heard, sentenced and exiled. I was mildly surprised they hadn’t been executed. Ten more people knowing the official story was bullshit and all.

Of course, none of them had been threats. They were just puppets in a game they didn’t even know existed. Just like me.

And as far as I was concerned, there were only four people in the whole city that knew the truth.

I was one of them.

But it didn’t protect me, not in the slightest. It bound me, enslaved me to a life I never wanted, to a man I hated, to a faction I didn’t belong to.

And heused it to his advantage. Having spent most of the week and today in dauntless, emergency sittings with the council and all leaders of the city, he had come home in an already bad mood. Seeing, I hadn't done anything all day enraged him further and he resumed to drowning his anger in alcohol – which only made it worse.

Sitting on the couch, just watching him walk up and down, stumbling over the carpet, slurring from all the alcohol he had consumed, I imagined him tumbling over and bursting open his head on the edge of the couch table. I would just stay here, tilt my head, watching the crimson red seep into that awful beige carpet.

“And now those bastards pretend,” He slurred, his gaze unfocused. “Now they pretend they didn’t try to usurp me.” He went on and on ranting, about how awful dauntless was; how the leaders didn’t take him for full; how they managed to enrage him with their complete disregard for his person.

I closed my eyes for a moment, inhaling deeply. He was fucking getting on my last nerve.

"You're not a king," I muttered, asking myself how someone that stupid could be leading a whole city.

Strangely, he heard me over his muttering. He stopped short and slowly turned towards me, eyes in slits.

“What?” His threat was clear: for me to shut up.

“I said,” I repeated looking up at him, not bothering to hide the utmost hatred I felt for him. “You. Are. Not. A. King. You can’t be usurped.”

“Uh, the slut thinks she’s wise all of sudden.” His eyes flashed dangerously as they found their focus: me. Licking his lips in the most disgusting way, he bend forward. “Tell me, did you fuck a nose? Did he fuck some knowledge into you?”

He came closer, tilting his head at me, mouth open slightly. He was panting, a putrid stench clinging to him that made me sick.

His eyes started glinting.

“Who else did you fuck?”

Staring up at him through half-open lids, I just blinked, my face staying as passive as ever. “Whoever I wanted to fuck.” Coming to a halt right in front of me, his heavy breathing had the hair on my arms stand on edge.

“That’s what I thought.” He slurred, his uncoordinated fingers brushing a strand of hair beneath my ear. Flashing my teeth at him, I slapped his hand away. Getting up, I couldn’t meet his height but I would not let him look down on me anymore. I was not beneath him.

Again, he raised his hand, slowly inching towards me.

I met his gaze head on, chin raised in defiance.

“You touch me again, and by god, I will slit your throat tonight while you’re asleep.”

This made him smile. A sick smile; I could smell the alcohol in his breath hitting my face. Inching his face closer, until we were eye to eye, he smirked at me and I wanted nothing more than to claw his eyes out.

“We’ll see how good you’ll be at that with your wrists bound to my headboard.” As if it was a silent command, I drew back and threw my hand at him. But instead of it hitting him in the face, he captured it despite his drunkenness, squeezing my unbroken wrist until the bones were close to cracking. Like a woman possessed, a beast untamed, I threw myself at him, hitting, scratching at whatever part I could, not bothering to listen to my body that was screaming in pain still, my left hand not fully functional yet.

He stayed unfazed, letting me claw at his skin. He knew I was still weak; from all my injuries and the nights, I spent lying awake in bed, too numb to bother closing my eyes, while his perception of pain was numbed by the alcohol. I was a shell of my former self, no longer the dauntless no one dared to cross, with all these powerful men standing behind her, watching, protecting. I was all alone, at the mercy of this lunatic who had beat me senseless and killed my unborn child.

I did not speak his name out loud, didn’t even mention it in my thoughts.

He was unworthy to called man.

He deserved no name.

Feeling him shudder beneath me, for a moment, I was triumphant, thinking I had hurt him. But then, with the utmost disgust, I realized he was getting off on this. He was getting off, breaking me and everything I once was. I had to get out of this fucking house; even if it was just for this night. There was nowhere I could go

Trying with all my might to get away from him, I screamed as he gripped me by the hips and heaved me over his shoulder. I tried to kick him, bit his shoulder until I spit out his blood and let my fists rain down on his back. But there was no stopping him; no halting him as he carried me up the stairs, taking no regard that my head hit the railing, or that my hand was still broken as he bound it to his headboard, all of his weight holding me down as he sat on top of me, restraining my weak body. When he had secured me, making sure I would go nowhere, he got up and kicked the door shut behind him.

Opening the clasp of his belt, pulling it from his pants, he let it fall to the floor.

When he undid his vest, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, I knew what was coming now. I had always known it would come to this.

There was nothing like this, to defile a woman so completely. The last weapon a man had to try and dominate a female completely; to show himself and the world that she was beneath him, his to take. With no regard to her feelings, without her consent.

An act of violence so vile, you could not ever forget it.

In this moment I swore something to myself.

No matter what he would do to my body, I would never grant him access to my soul.

Feeling the bed dip down beside me, I drew in a shaky breath, closing my eyes.

I would not go down without a fight.

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It was slowly getting colder in the city, the nights weren’t as long anymore. Time had passed, three months now since I had lost my child. By now it would have been seven months old. I imagined how it would be, carrying that huge bump around everywhere I go, being able to talk and interact with my unborn child. How his little foot would look when he would kick outwards, how he would move inside me.

I never found out if it really was a boy, but in my imagination, it always was. A little Eric all for myself.

And another thing I learned. Time may have passed, but the pain did not. I tried distracting myself as often as possible, today being no different.

I was sitting on Natalie and Andrew Prior’s dining table, all of my fading and new bruises hidden beneath my grey sweater. I needed the warmth. Following my discharge from the hospital, I couldn’t stomach food very well and had lost quite a bit of muscle mass – not doing anything all day. They, as in most abnegation, still insisted I shouldn’t do any work, which was only underlined by the fact that I still couldn't do strenuous tasks. Which they didn't know, was the result of ongoing abuse, not the one I had already suffered through. Surprisingly, I found that Susan was a big help. She came almost every day, helping me cook and clean (meaning she did almost all of the work by herself) while I used the only time of the day I could relax a little to catch up on much-needed sleep.

For this, I was genuinely grateful.

She even cut my hair after seeing the mess I had left behind, claiming she couldn’t let me walk around like that. I had reveled in the feeling of the comb gliding through my hair, closed my eyes and pretended to be a little girl again. And that it was my mother gliding her hands through the thick strands, not a relative stranger that had become friend, then foe, then friend again.

I couldn’t make sense of all this.

One thing, that wasn't as nearly as complicated was my relationship to Natalie. I adored her because her home was the only place in the whole faction where I felt safe and sound. I spent as many afternoons here as possible.

Like always, she placed the mug in front of me first before sitting down herself. We did this quite regularly. I found that I could confide in Natalie; she was like a second mother to me and I knew, she felt the same way about me.

She still missed both of her children.

We hadn’t really talked about the night and everything that came after but I knew she was worried. She just was too polite to start the topic herself.

I sighed, pulling the mug closer before looking at her.

"Please, Natalie… Just say it. I know you've been holding it back for weeks now."

She hesitated for a second, then sighed herself.

“I’m really sorry what happened to you.” Natalie looked at me from over her cup, everything about her being motherly. “It must have been horrible.”

I swallowed. I didn’t know which night had been worse. I closed my eyes, pushing the images away from me. When I opened them again, I was met with a worried gaze. I gave her a slight smile, trying to swallow down my emotions.

Hesitating for a second, I decided it was time to tell her how I was really feeling. Maybe she would understand.

“It’s not just that…” I shook my head, not wanting to admit my weakness. “I should have been able to defend myself. It's all I have learned growing up. In Dauntless, I wouldn't have hesitated to attack first, to do everything to not let him get the better of me." I swallowed heavily. "It's like I don't know who I am anymore, it's like I've lost myself. As if everything that once made me brave was the black uniform."

“You know, that’s not true.” Natalie gripped my hands, squeezing them lightly before letting go again. “Bravery or selflessness, honesty or knowledge, kindness… There’s more to it than just wearing colored clothing. It’s attitude; how you carry yourself; how you treat others. It is your approach to life. And just because you failed once doesn’t mean you failed every single aspect of your life. You will try again, though I hope not like that, and you will overcome whatever was holding you back. You will be strong again, Casey.”

“But I feel so weak.” Dropping all pretense, I stared at the mug in my hands, craving the warmth of the unsweetened tea. It was the first time, in all my life that I admitted fear. And strangely, it was more than just admitting that I had failed the values I had been feed on since being just a toddler. It was liberating.

I was finally able to breatheagain.

Natalie pinched her lips, her expression disapproving. She did what all mothers were best at – lovingly disapprove. Her voice was hard, full of disgust.

“You were caught off guard, by a man – no, a monster – double your size in a dark house, while you were sleeping. You were scared and overwhelmed and not able to fight back. That is not your fault.”

“He really is a monster.” It was hard to swallow. I shook my head, closing my eyes. My voice was quiet, timid. “Maybe it’s not my fault… but it forever will be my shame.”

"No, it won't." Natalie’s voice was harsh but got more gentle while she spoke, her expression full of compassion. Not pity. "There is nothing to be ashamed of. You did nothing wrong. Dear lord… that's what I always hated about the dauntless mindset." Rubbing her forehead, she seemed agitated. "There is something almost none of them get, even though it is so important.” And she spoke the words I would never forget again.

“True bravery isn’t the absence of fear; true strength isn’t the absence of weakness. One can not exist without the other. Without fear, there is no bravery, nothing to overcome. With no weakness, there is no determination to get stronger, to get better.

Human nature is not our enemy, just the starting point of our development as individuals. There are urges an educated human should never succumb to, and others that are vital for our survival. We might be more than our nature, but we should never forget where we came from, or where we are going.

We were made like this for a reason. Maybe we should finally stop fighting it. Who knows… once we embrace our mistakes, our failures, we might be able to turn them into something valuable; something good.

A treat that defines us, a habit that will get us further than knowledge or bravery or whatever one of these values ever will.”

I sighed, taking a sip from my still hot tea. She was right. Everything Natalie said made sense but I couldn’t get over myself and fully agree with her. At least, I couldn’t tell her I did. Everything I had ever learned at dauntless was that weakness was the absence of strength, that you couldn’t be brave while fearing.

“Yeah, but you weren’t raised like me.” I looked down into my lap. I didn’t want to insult her but it was the truth. We were so different. “You weren’t raised to be a warrior.”

“If you think so.” Her answer was so evasive, I perked up a little. For the first time, I really looked at Natalie. She was different from all the other abnegation member’s I had interacted with so far. She carried herself straighter, with more poise than the others. I tilted my head. It couldn’t be… could it?

Inauspicious, I glanced up at her, fiddling with the hem of my sweater.

“I must have been the only dauntless transfer to abnegation in… what? Forever?”

“Twenty-two years.” She raised one eyebrow, mischief crossing her face so fast I thought I had imagined it. A realization hit me and I harshly placed the mug on the table. Open-mouthed, I stared at her.

“No way!” I exclaimed, laying a hand on my neck, bending forward. “You were dauntless?!”

“I don’t know what you mean.” Natalie was suppressing a smile, but when she winked at me I knew I had hit bull’s eye. I let out an incredulous laugh.

“I had no idea!” I was flabbergasted, truly lost for words as I stared at her, taking in everything I had thought to know about the woman in front of me. I should have realized sooner. Now I knew why I always felt so calm, so welcomed in her presence. She was a kindred soul, more than I had ever realized.

“Of course not.” Her voice was solemn and she leaned back a little. “We do not talk about our pasts before initiation. No one does. Most have forgotten, that Marcus, for example, was a candor.”

I recoiled, surprised by both her words and her openness. “That’s really strange.”

“Why?” She asked, surprised, tilting her head at me.

"Because he's such a good liar," I spoke the words before I realized what exactly I was saying. For a moment, we stared at each other, me wide-eyed, Natalie with furrowed brows. Knowing I fucked up, I scrambled to cover up my mistake. “I mean, he is good at avoiding harsh truths, like every good politician.”

The quietness between us grew, twisted, became heavy. I squirmed in my seat. Fucking hell, Casey, I cursed myself. Can’t you keep your fucking mouth shut for once?! See where it already got you!

Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply. The sound of a mug being placed on the table had my head whip up.

Natalie leaned forward, hands crossed on the table, her gaze resting solely on me.

“Don’t say that out loud, Casey. Never.” She was solemn, serious, and I nodded, burying my nails in the palms of my hands, cursing myself for not keeping my mouth shut. Natalie sighed, relaxing a bit and I waited for her to go on. To either call me out or to warn me again. Her words surprised me again.

“Politics have always been a delicate subject, no matter the time, or the subject. The same with the male ego…” Eyes twinkling, she raised her mug and I suspect she hid a smile behind the brim. “Once you insulted a man’s self-image it will be insanely hard to placate him again.

And once you publicly shamed them, prepare for a lifetime of revenge.”

Isn’t that exactly what Marcus was afraid of? That I would ridicule him in front of his faction? My mind unwillingly wandered to another leader… Was he afraid of that, too?

Was that the reason he had been so angry? That he fucked a stiff-to-be and now feared someone could find out?

Was that the reason why my family hated me? Because I had brought shame on them? Was everyone I ever loved ashamed of me…?

I, for once, was.

"I'd much rather deal with revenge than with shame," I admitted after a long pause, looking up. Pinching her lips, Natalie sighed.

“Don’t think too much about it, Casey. Feelings are temporary, emotions will wash out over the course of time. What might seem like the end of the world today, might only be a small mishap by tomorrow. And who knows,” She smiled at me. “maybe all these mistakes weren’t mistakes after all. They shaped you into who you are now, and they will shape you into the person you have to become. And maybe that’s exactly who you need to be, once you realize your real destiny.”

There was nothing I could answer to that. Except that maybe, someday I wished to possess the same wisdom as she. I smiled at her. “Thank you, Natalie. For everything.”

“Don’t worry about it, my love.” Natalie smiled her motherly smile at me and I felt home. What a liberating thought. "If you need something, anything, please, do not hesitate to come to me."

“Thank you.” I smiled at her, hesitating. She caught up on that, tilting her head. I laughed, encouraged by her always friendly antics.“Actually, if you would anything to sweeten this tea, I would be forever grateful.”

Laughing herself, Natalie got up and walked over into the small kitchen. Coming back, she placed a small jar of honey in front of me, sitting down again.

“Honey helps. Though it’s nothing against dauntless cake.”

I groaned, thinking about the chocolatey deliciousness. “It really is not.”

And I had to laugh, thinking that somewhere deep inside the heart of dauntless a freak was just now getting it on with a piece of cake.

What a strange world we lived in.

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It was Wednesday and as always, Susan had come by after breakfast. She had helped me keeping the house clean and cooking dinner for Marcus once he would come home from his ‘strenuous’ day at the office, where he sat with his ass in a chair all day, got catered by his subordinates and stuffed his face with food he would call selfish to consume.

We were running low on groceries and since it was already late, I felt uncomfortable letting Susan walk through the faction all on her own.

There weren’t many dauntless patrolling the perimeter and the factionless tended to stroll around at this hour of the night. So we grabbed our jackets and hurried to the supply building while the sun was already setting. We only had a few more minutes until they would close it till tomorrow morning.

We just made it in time, coming back out with two bags, each filled to the brim. Only the best for our selfless leader.

As we walked back, that strange feeling I’ve had all along grew more and more prominent and I found myself staring in all the dark corners, pulling Susan close to my left side as I kept a lookout for the danger lurking in the dark. I knew she felt it too, her breathing accelerated, her steps meeting the speed of mine.

I could feel him before I saw him.

Jumping out of the shadow of the building to our left, he was at Susan’s side immediately, ripping the bag from her hand. Screaming in terror, she let go and all of the groceries tumbled out as she fell backward landing in the dirt. He came at her, his clothes ragged and dirt, his hungry eyes never leaving his target – until I stepped in between them. Whipping his head up, he glared at me and I knew that expression. It said I was a problem to deal with before he could have what he wanted – her.

“Listen,” I spoke up, my voice strong. I would give him one chance to leave here – unscathed. "You can have whatever you want, just leave us alone."

He grinned at me, exposing a row of half-rotten teeth. “I have what I want right here.”

Widening my stance, I stared him down. “You will never lay a single finger on her, believe me. Just fucking go back to the hole you crawled out of and maybe you will not spend the rest of your life behind the fence.” I knew exactly what they did at dauntless to men like him – just what they deserved.”

“Ohhhh,” He laughed at me, interrupted by violent coughs. “And how will a pretty little thing like you stop me? You couldn’t defend yourself, how are you gonna defend her?”

He looked past me at Susan, who had crawled towards the next building, cowering away at the wall in her back. I would have told her to run, or to get help but I knew that this scumbag would not stand a chance against me.

He had no idea who he just pissed off.

He smiled at her again, his creepy predatory smile that had Susan whimper, and he raised his foot, trying to advance on me. Having anticipated his move, I stroke first, pulling the foot he had still on the ground away while simultaneously placing my fist under his chin.

Just one well-placed punch and he was out like a light.

I scoffed, trying to shake the pain in my hand away. Hadn’t he really learned any better on the street?

Leaving him in the dirt where he belonged, I hurried over to Susan who was outright crying and pulled her up and into my arms, letting her sob into my shoulder.

And then it was already over again. A pair of dauntless soldiers that I knew from passing, came running, no doubt having heard Susan’s scream, grabbed and restrained him, while a third one first made sure we both were okay and then led us to the office building, informing the leaders about what just had happened.

My heart was in my throat, thinking of the last time I had hurt someone under Marcus’ eyes… the scars were still visible on my maltreated body. But Susan beside me was so upset, crying and shaking that I neglected every thought on myself and took her into arms, holding her close, trying to calm her down.

They took us into the assembly room where the two of us sat opposite the leaders, Susan’s hand in mine while she struggled under tears to recount the unpleasant encounter. I tried taking over all the talking to give her time to pull herself together, but she tried being brave. I admired her for that.

“He… just gripped my-my bag and we tried giv-giving him the food bu-but he didn’t want it.” Susan got out, before turning her head, pressing it into my shoulder. Raising my hand, I brushed over her hair, looking up at Marcus.

“He didn’t want the food. He must have heard of the… incident and thought that Abnegation’s women are an easy target. He tried touching her,” I told them, and not selflessly added, “I just helped.”

Marcus got up and came over. I tensed, anticipating whatever might come next. But not even in my most vivid daydreams I could have imagined what came next. Coming to a halt beside me, Marcus laid his hand on my shoulder and I froze, trying my best to not recoil from his touch like I did every time.

"You did well." He said, wearing a righteous expression. "They should never lay hand on one of us. I will make sure dauntless will patrol more of the perimeter. They owe this to us." He added towards Susan who nodded, her expression turning into silent admiration when he brushed his hand over her hair in a soothing attempt at calling her.

I inhaled deeply, asking myself why she was admiring this piece of shit as if he was a saint.

If only you knew… I thought, taking her into my arms one last time before following Marcus into the dark house, the food waiting forgotten in the fridge.

That night, when I lay beneath him with my head turned away, eyes closed tightly, he wasn’t as harsh as he usually was. But I knew it wouldn’t last.

It never did.

When I came back from visiting Susan the next day, he was already waiting for me, a pile of documents on the table along with a white, opaque garment bag. He grinned at me, reveling in my confusing. A hand on his pouch, the other on his bag, his gaze never wavered away from me, a hungry, expecting expression on his face. I felt my blood run cold.

What now?

Stepping forward, he said the words I would never forget again.

“I am going to make you mine, little slut.”

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So… I’d say, never say never :D I know why I didn’t update this in such a long time, it literally took ages to write this chapter! It is sooo long. And intense too :D

I have two more chaps & an epilogue planned but they’ll be just as long as this one, and just as much work. It really felt as if this chap wouldn’t end! I hope you have that feeling while reading, too :D

If you want to read more of my writing, I have started an original story called ‘Dollhouse’ on Wattpad. You can find me there under singingpeople, too. It would really mean the world to me if you check it out!

I have quite a few of the important scenes for this written/ outlined but I honestly have no idea how long it’ll take me to write the next one. This chap was just massive :D

I’m sorry for the long wait but hope this makes it up (kinda) :D

Thank you for reading & reviewing!

#divergent #Eric Coulter #eric #eric divergent #undoing #fanfiction #fanfic #chapter 7 #Trigger #trigger warning

[sundaynightnovels]

how my OCs would stand up to bullies

tw: bullying; harsh language

(note: the bully used in all scenarios is the same)

i think this is a pretty deep look into my characters, and i’m tagging my tag list in it in case they want to get a better insight, but please, look at the trigger warnings and if you don’t want to read it, don’t. it’s fine with me. @cabaretofwords​ @inked-waves @latechickadee @kidsarentallwrite @insearchof-solace @kaigods

zhen:

would probably not be bothered at all by it, would either completely disregard the person or, if pushed too far, would start spouting her usual nonsense and accusations & get the bully flustered and confused, and she’s also thick-skinned enough to be doing all of this extremely loud and dramatically (as she is wont to do) in a way that will draw all eyes to their interaction and the bully would run off in shame

bully: what are you doing? what the hell do you think you’re doing? you’re so goddamn stupid you can’t even do this right? why the fuck are you doing it this way? what is your problem?

zhen: yea, well, because people have individuality you know? i got my own style of doing things and you have your own and i’m sure you understand what i’m talking about, like i ain’t going to be caught dead wearing that little tight shirt-hot shorts combi that you’re going for right now, or how you won’t ever be seen wearing a loose shirt and slacks like i am right now. that’s individuality, and this is the problem with capitalism today! the economic market is seeping away our freedom of choice by bombarding us with the same items on the racks and on magazines and expecting us to follow suit! where has the art in life gone to? why are we forced into tiny little boxes and made to wear the same uncomfortable suits in order to move on in life? is this not what you’re forcing upon me right now? are you not perpetuating the government’s conspiracy of moulding their citizens into like-minded paper cut-outs of one another without any mode for freedom? is this what you’re trying to do to me?? i know, i’ve finally figured it out now! you are a spy for the government! how dare you come in here and assert your power on the common man just like that? we as a society will not accept you in our arms! be gone, you oppressor of man! and let us live in peace!

shou:

he probably won’t understand that he’s getting bullied / misunderstand it (because he’s an all-round nice guy who thinks the best of people), and so he just kind of rolls with it. he’d most likely not agree with the bully’s way of speaking / doing things, and he’ll begin a long monologue pondering about the ways of speaking and what it entails and implies and the bully would probably not know how to respond

bully: what do you think you’re doing? you’re so goddamn stupid you can’t even do this right? why the fuck are you doing it this way? what is your problem?

shou: i don’t understand why you are confused, i am merely doing my job, as we all are right now, are we not? as tools of the working society, we are meant to toil long hours in our respective roles to complete tasks that are assigned to us. if you have not realised that, i’m not particularly sure what you have been doing this whole time. also, i don’t like your tone too much. i don’t think there’s a need for you to insult my intelligence. perhaps it is your usual way of speaking, coarse and harsh and unwittingly insulting to the recipient, yet i have heard you speak, sweet and amiably, to others. maybe you are upset by something that i have done, in which case i don’t think you have actually told me exactly what i have done wrong. the way that you speak doesn’t help your case because it doesn’t target the root problem at hand. especially, the insult that you have tagged onto your words is extremely unpleasant. perhaps you could rephrase your words so that i could better understand it, though to be honest i’m not too sure if i want to keep engaging in conversation with you because you seem to be an unkind character. ah, i see, i think i have made my decision. please do not engage with me any further.

lu: 

ah he’s such a little kid, but he’d be pretty mature when it comes to dealing with bullies. he -- similar to zhen -- just won’t bother with them, because there’s no point in playing along with them, is there? he’s a smart child, he knows there’s no point because they won’t stop anyway (not unless someone they deem as superior to them speaks up). he might get affected by their words, but he won’t show it on his face and he’ll act like he’s unconcerned, even if he might crawl under his bed and cry later in the night.

bully: what do you think you’re doing? you’re so goddamn stupid you can’t even do this right? why the fuck are you doing it this way? what is your problem?

lu: yea, okay, sure, thanks for the comments i never asked for. okay, bye. 

yu (f):

oh ho, she’ll get really pissed. as in, really angry, and she’s the type prone to anger, so this will just make her blow her freaking top off (okay, there’s only one person she won’t fight back against, but we’re assuming of course this bully isn’t that person), and she has no qualms about being rude back to the bully. she’s also really prickly if you question her capabilities (yknow, old wounds...) so yea, she will explode, it’ll be a complete disaster and there’ll be casualties everywhere -- including herself.

bully: what do you think you’re doing? you’re so goddamn stupid you can’t even do this right? why the fuck are you doing it this way? what is your problem?

yu (f): what did you just say to me? okay, who the fuck do you think you are to be able to say that to me? what right do you have to speak to me like i’m a fucking ant under your boot? do you know how insulting and demeaning you are being right now? what the hell is your problem? so i’ve done something wrong, can’t you just tell it to me a human way? do you really have to shove someone down like this and spit insults at them like they aren’t even worthy of respect? you act like you are a saint who’s never made a single fucking mistake in life but guess what, just because you act like one doesn’t mean you are even close to being one. just because you’re stepping all over me like i’m your fucking welcome mat doesn’t mean anything gets solved. i’ve been working very hard and i’ve been trying my best, and i don’t deserve this type of treatment no matter what kind of mistakes i’ve made -- you know what, forget this. just get the hell out of here and leave me alone. i don’t need you breathing down my neck while i’m trying to finish my work right now, just... just get the hell out.

ren

he might be known to be laidback and chill, but he can’t stand injustice. unfortunately, most of the times he’ll only stand up if it’s someone else he sees being treated unjustly. he can stand up for himself, but sometimes he just chooses not to and he’ll just take it -- especially if it’s really a mistake that he has made, and he can’t really fight back about it. it’ll probably stick with him for a very, very long time though, no matter how much he’s presented to not really be too bothered.

bully: what do you think you’re doing? you’re so goddamn stupid you can’t even do this right? why the fuck are you doing it this way? what is your problem?

ren: okay, i’m sorry. i’m sorry, i’ll try better next time.

teng

poor child. he might look strong and scary and fierce, but deep down inside he’s fragile and vulnerable and if someone treats him in this manner, he can’t do anything about it. he doesn’t know what to do about it. there’s probably a lot of shock and horror and shame at the bully’s initial outburst and he’ll just stand there, mortified and confused and lost, and he’ll be trying his hardest to repress his tears as he takes the insults, and he won’t know what to do because he’s still in shock, which will probably warrant another round of scoldings. but he’s a nice guy too, and even if afterwards he feels the swell of indignation rising up within him because no matter what he did, he doesn’t deserve that, especially not in front of an audience, he won’t be able to say anything back if it really is his fault anyway, and all he can do is swallow it down and try his best to move on. probably with a little bit of humour.

bully: what do you think you’re doing? you’re so goddamn stupid you can’t even do this right? why the fuck are you doing it this way? what is your problem?

teng: (keeps his head down, forces his tears back, silent)

bully: what the hell are you still standing there staring at me for? do something! are you an idiot? are you fucking useless?

jun

jun can be an asshole himself and he can be very mean and rude back to the person if he feels like it. it can go one or two ways: he can either just completely ignore the person and leave the person yammering in the background, or he’ll fight back, and he’s not one to mince words.

bully: what do you think you’re doing? you’re so goddamn stupid you can’t even do this right? why the fuck are you doing it this way? what is your problem?

jun:  huh, i see. you’re that type of person, aren’t you? you’re just putting people down to boost your own ego because on the inside you’re so fragile and small that if you don’t put others down first, you’re afraid that you might get your tiny speck of pride completely shattered and you won’t be able to put yourself together after that because you’re weak and frail and you can’t do anything else but spit nonsense out of your mouth and hope that others fall before you. that’s it, isn’t it? you’re the type of person i pity the most. you’re so unfortunate, you can’t even do anything on your own. you probably don’t even have actual capabilities, yet you’re still frantically protecting your own ego like there’s anything left to protect. just looking at you makes me feel sad. if you’re seriously planning on continuing to live this way, then just get out of my sight. i don’t need someone here to spoil my appetite.

yu (m)

he really doesn’t care. he probably really, really doesn’t, and he won’t even bother with the person. he might just continue doing what he’s doing, or he might walk away just because he finds the person noisy. like, you won’t get to him with those insults. not because he’s better than that but, eh, other stuff.

jia

she is confident and assured of herself and a bully won’t get to her in that way, but if he gets too far, she will talk to him. she’s very classy about it though, and she can be a little mean if she wants to be but usually she’ll choose to take a more ‘dignified’ route because even though there’s no point in engaging with a bully, she won’t let herself get insulted like that either, especially if it’s in front of a big crowd of people.

bully: what do you think you’re doing? you’re so goddamn stupid you can’t even do this right? why the fuck are you doing it this way? what is your problem?

jia: why do you have to express it like that? no seriously, i’m asking you a legitimate question. why do you have to phrase your words in such a way that it’s cutting and insulting to the person who hears it? is there a point to that? does putting a person down like that actually help with your cause -- which, i assume, presumably is to solve a mistake that the person has made? i don’t think so. you aren’t even telling me my mistakes, except that, quote-unquote, ‘you’re so goddamn stupid’ and ‘why the fuck are you doing it this way’. what am i supposed to understand from those words? the first is a personal opinion that i couldn’t care less about, and the second doesn’t help me understand in what way, exactly, i should be doing things, and why i should be doing it that way, and most importantly, on whose authority i am abiding by to do things in that strict fashion. there is no point at all for you to be insulting someone like that, so the next thing i can ask is, does it make you feel good? honestly. does it make you feel good about yourself? do you like it when you’re degrading someone in that manner? because it certainly isn’t because you’re trying to correct someone on their wrong, because you haven’t done or said anything to help with that at all. if you’re not saying it because it makes you feel good about yourself, then why are you even saying it in the first place? i’m sure you know that such harsh words only make the recipient feel terrible, and if it doesn’t serve a purpose and it makes the other party feel bad and you get no pleasure from it, then why are you even saying things like that at all? it doesn’t make any sense. and if it makes you feel good about yourself, then i think that says a lot about you as a person in general, that you derive pleasure from degrading someone like they’re worthless. it means that you’re just not a very pleasant person in the first place. in that case, why the hell am i still talking to someone who makes me feel bad about myself -- on purpose -- and who’s generally being disruptive? please keep your comments to yourself next time, especially if they’re along the same lines as these . they do no one any good.

#like all things out of season #character tag #shou #zhen #lu #ren #yu(f) #teng #jun #yu(m) #jia #bullying #writeblr #my OCs #my wip #seriously i'm actually just venting here #i was fine yesterday after i hung out with my friends etc. but when i woke up again today #i just got really really angry and upset again #maybe it's because i'm also on my period who knows but still #really just venting here #and seeing how some of my OCs deal with that blskjdlkfsdjf makes me feel better #like i'd totally try to use zhen's or jia's method on that lsdlfkjslfkdjs but yknow i won't #not a tag game

[rohdutch]

S.W.E.

Pairing: Elias Samson x reader

Word count: 800

Summary: Shopping With Elias; you're Elias' personal stylist which, in his eyes, just requires you to go shopping with him.

A/N: idk why but lately I've been finding myself watching a lot of like, fashion videos? Specifically Safiya Nygaard's fashion videos and with that brought an intense need to write, for whatever reason, and since i figured i haven't posted anything in a while, why not try to get back into the flow by writing about our resident fashionista, elias, and something fashion related? We all know how much i love elias and his fashion sense so

Also, writing this totally gave me the excuse to go look at a bunch of photos of elias as if idk what type of clothes he wears when we all know i do

Tag List: @sophiagriff @sixdegreesofsamson @calwitch @team-elias @logicstates12 @thirstiswet (wont let me tag you for some odd reason?)

-

"What about this?"

You looked over the shirt being held up in front of your face, teasing the hem slightly with a brush of your hand as your nose scrunched up.

"No?"

You shook your head and Elias turned the shirt so he could look it over. "You sure?"

"You say this about everything I say no to," you said with a cross of your shoulders. "If you like it, get it. I'm just here to give you my opinion."

Actually, you were Elias' personal stylist. Your entire job was supposed to be about you picking out his clothes and styling him, but slowly over the course of you working for him it just turned into you going shopping with him and helping him decide on outfits before events. There wasn't really any styling to it. He did most of it himself.

"No, I'm gonna put it back."

You rolled your eyes as Elias walked back to the rack he had been skimming through to put the shirt back. The shirt wasn't bad at all actually, but it did seem too close to what some of his other shirts looked like, so it was a quick decision on your part.

"Oh!" Elias suddenly exclaimed, pulling another shirt from the rack. "This one!"

You looked over the shirt he held up and immediately thought of a few different things he could pair it with. Some new jeans maybe, a headband, and a sparkling scarf...

"And look! There's two!" Elias pulled a matching shirt from the rack and held the two shirts up together. "We can match!"

You snorted, trying to stiffle the laugh building up. "Why would we need to match?"

Elias shrugged. "Just for fun, I guess."

You shook your head, but walked over to take the larger of the two shirts into your hands. It was a soft fabric, similar to those that he already had, but the pattern was new. White with red roses. Simple and definitely something that fit the look Elias was always going for.

"Should I get it?"

"Yes," you handed the shirt back, "but I'm not getting a matching one."

"Why not? It'd be fun!"

You ignored his response and turned towards the pants racks. "Alright, let's find some pants to go with it. I definitely think something you don't have. Maybe a muted red?"

"Why can't I just wear, like, my black jeans?"

Your hand paused on its way to push through the pants racks. "Your black jeans? The house show ones?"

"Yeah?"

"No. Absolutely not." You turned to look at Elias, pointing a finger at his chest. "If you want to wear black jeans with this shirt you will buy new ones."

"What's wrong with my house jeans? They've lasted this long."

You shook your head as you turned back to the rack. Elias' house jeans had only survived so long because you were continuously sewing up different parts of them in order to keep everything together. "One day, I'm going to throw those jeans out and you will not get them back."

There was silence between the two of you for a moment, only the sound of fabric rustling and hangers clanking as you looked through the rack. Then Elias spoke up.

"What about my white jeans?"

Again, you paused. "With that shirt?"

"My white jeans and my red kimono would go good with it, I think." Elias looked to you. "What do you think?"

You looked at the shirt and squinted slightly, trying to picture the outfit in your mind. "I was thinking a sparkly scarf and a headband, too."

Elias snapped his fingers. "Yes! Perfect."

"You have a headband, right? Then all we need is a sparkly scarf that you don't already have."

Elias nodded. "Alright, let's go get it."

-

When Elias wore the outfit on TV a few days later, it was a hit. People seemed to love it and loved the white and red aesthetic of it. It only made you that much happier, especially knowing that Elias enjoyed this particular outfit, too.

While Elias sat on his stool singing his songs on TV, you sat at home wearing the shirt you had discovered in your car after your shopping trip.

There wasn't a note or anything attached except the tags, but you didn't need anything to know who gave it to you.

It was a white shirt with a red rose pattern, the same one Elias had tried to convince you to buy so the two of you would match.

#seeing elias in a rose shirt sounds so nice which is why i included it bc deep in my heart i love it #also i needed to address the house show jeans which i dont think ive ever done in writing #elias samson #wwe elias #elias samson x reader #elias imagine #elias samson imagine #elias x reader #wwe imagine #my writing

[cmpriest]

Finding my feet in 2019

Good heavens, it’s been a minute, hasn’t it? I had all these PLANS for my late winter/spring of ’19, didn’t I? Ah, well. It’s a funny industry, and I sometimes have trouble saying “no” to projects, even when I’m well aware that I ought to. SPEAKING OF. The secret project mentioned in my last (now surely long forgotten) post was handed in early this month, and later this week I should get my notes for revisions. Then next month, it’s more secret project grinding and yes, one day this should probably be announced. April, I’ve been told. We shall see.

I’ve still got a lot of work to do before I’m free of this one and back to the thing I tried to start, but then put down; also some rewrites on my wacky little mystery project that still needs to make the submission rounds; and furthermore some fleshing out on Cinderwich because I’ve finally come to peace with the idea that it needs to be a full length novel, drat it all; and I’m noodling with some thoughts for another Wild Cards project, but that one’s on the back burner for now (by necessity).

And to think, I had plans to take a break this year and maybe just work on, like, one thing.

::shrug::

On the home front, things continue as things are wont to do. In sad news, we lost our beloved eldercat early in the new year. She was quite ancient and dearly loved. We found her one morning atop her favorite heating vent, having settled in for a nap and never awakened. (That we all should be so lucky.) We had her cremated, and her tiny urn is on the mantle with her collar and tags wrapped around it – because we’re sentimental, that’s why. She lived with us for nearly twenty years, and she was an adult when she arrived in our home. You’re allowed to be sentimental when you’ve had a really great roommate for that long.

Shortly thereafter, we lost the fish, too – so we are now a tank-less household. I could’ve restocked that tank, but it felt like too much effort after we lost the little old lady. Now it’s in the garage.

In the wake of the eldercat’s passing, Quinnie has decided to become The Cat, rather than the smallest and least respected dog – so it’s been a social adjustment, but it’s gone smoothly for the most part. Lucy is learning to pay the House Yeti a little of the respect that she used to show the little old lady cat, and Greyson doesn’t really seem to have noticed that anything’s different.

Of course, Greyson is also trying to eat his own tail at the moment, so I won’t hold him up as a bastion of wisdom or anything. He has a little cyst toward the end of his tail – far enough down that he can still reach it with the cone, ugh. It’s no big deal, but he won’t leave it alone. The vet and I are in the process of deciding whether to remove it or just try to keep it wrapped up until he forgets to gnaw on it.

As for Lucy, she’s doing quite well. Why, just yesterday she horrified me by either finding or catching a large black coot. (A water bird about the size of a duck.) There’s always the chance that it died on the property for some reason and she found it; we aren’t terribly far from a lake, so it’s not like it’s a total freaking mystery as to how the poor thing got here – but Lucy can’t possibly have caught it out of the air (she’s rather fat, tbh) and it didn’t hit a window, that’s for damn sure. That bird was big enough to take out an airplane engine, and there are no signs of cracks, breaks, or splats.

Anyway. Yesterday was gross and bad. Let us speak no more of it.

In other news, I’m still working on the house in my copious downtime. I’m down to three sets of ugly light fixtures to be removed and three lovely new fixtures with which to replace them. They’re going to be a BEAR to install, courtesy of some ridiculous ceilings. But I have a ladder and when I have the motivation, I’ll put the last of these ugly 1990s cheap-ass builder grade rusted-out lights to the curb. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe not.

Tomorrow I’ve got a guy coming over to take something off my hands via NextDoor, and I’ve got a couple of new things coming in. I also have picked out some vinyl flooring for my bathroom, and if I like it, we’ll do the kitchen, too. I will get this house looking like civilized adults live here and care about our surroundings if it freaking kills me.

And oh yeah – publishing news. My southern gothic project The Toll will be dropping in July instead of this coming fall. I know, right? Cool and a tad scary – because I’ve been eyeballs deep and it’s not that I’ve forgotten about it, but it was easier to worry about when it was still happening all the way out in November.

But no. July. It got a starred review from Publishers Weekly and everything. You can read that starred review here, if you like.

They called it “Moody and mysterious…[a] gothic tale [that] touches the heart even as it wraps chilly fingers around the spine.” I’ve been calling it a low-brow southern gothic meet-cute between Welcome to Night Vale and William Faulkner, so … your mileage may vary.

If you’re the generous, lovely, pre-ordering type – please feel free to click whichever of the following is most relevant to your interests:

Preorder The Toll at Amazon.com [trade paperback or Kindle] Preorder The Toll at Barnes & Noble [trade paperback or Nook] Preorder The Toll from an independent retailer near you

At any rate, thanks so much for reading, and as always – I’ll try to do a better job of updating this thing once in awhile. I promise.

Finding my feet in 2019 was originally published on The Haunt*

[dio-roga]

‘AskMarshandBroflovski’

Author/Artist:              jovishark Additional Credit:        puppetamateur Status:                         Complete Links:                           Tumblr Rec No:                        #2 (Part One)

The Gist of It (aka. TLDR)

‘Stan and Kyle go through a whole lot of shit during their last couple years of high school; with side-characters and sub-plots galore. Honestly dudes, it’s hard to summarize this one since it’s just so jam packed with all kinds of everything. This askblog, maybe more than anything else I’ve read, really does encapsulate that whole ‘something for everyone’ feeling. Just trust me my dudes, ships galore, on-point writing, and gorgeous art. Go go.”

Also putting this before the page break: I know, it’s technically not a Cryde work, but I guarantee, there’s more content between those two in there than in most exclusively cryde-centric things. For a bit of trivia, it was this blog that got me into Cryde as a ship to begin with. So c’mon below, and I’ll try and reassure you…

Also also: Fair warning, this rec’ll be long af. I’m a little obsessed. So, get yourself a drink or something?

Storytelling

So like I said in the gist, the premise is fairly simple from the outset; Stan and Kyle start up an askblog, and your usual mix of hilarity, drama and ‘will-they, wont-they’ romance ensues. Now I had read askblogs before this one, and generally found them a lot of fun, but holy shit− from the get-go dudes, from the absolute start, this one had its hooks in me like nothing else has ever quite managed before or since. I’d originally just come across it after seeing some of the Craig/Clyde panels on some google search one weekend; then before I knew it, it was Monday morning and I’d read the whole blog front to back, and was experiencing like, genuine feelings for the first time in a long while.

A lot of what snagged me was the writing, which I walked in totally not expecting to take my soul hostage the way it did. The dialogue I’ll talk about with the characters, but as far as the actual story elements were presented? It reads like a god damn mini-series, with actual self-contained story arcs, side-scenarios that mesh in with the A-plot and oh my sweet jesus, the world building in this thing… Seriously dudes, I normally try and stay more grounded in tropes and clever literary devices and what have you, but with this blog I have a lot of trouble not getting like, emotionally invested.

I think that really is what makes this one so special; the atmosphere. There’s this underlying theme of determination and overcoming adversity (mirroring the writing of the blog itself, if you read the authors notes throughout− something I’d defiantly recommend) It’s the sort of writing that genuinely inspires people, deals with difficult subject matter and just generally gives off a positive vibe about soldering on and making good on big life changes, and that includes everyone, of every age and background.

And therein lies another giant strength, the variety. I would think it a very difficult task for someone to not find something they enjoy in this story; it’s a god damn carnival ride− not to spoil too much, but there’s a wash of different genres, different dynamics, different methods of storytelling and different perspectives on those stories. There’s music, there’s action, audience-participation, and enough backstory and little details that I’m still picking up new things even after having read through multiple times.

And lastly, oh boy− pitchforks and torches at the ready –there’s the content between Craig and Clyde. Now I’m not going to sugarcoat it, or really bother trying to hide the fact that these two don’t wind up in a happy relationship here. But please, and I really do mean this, don’t let that dissuade you. They have a very complicated relationship that keeps changing throughout, but their bond never goes away− so just because it isn’t all kisses and romance, I’d say it’s still one of the most endearing relationships I’ve seen written about the two (hence why I’m sticking to my guns on calling this a cryde-recommendation). Honestly, and I can say this from experience here, it gels with how boys like that can end up acting at that age. Despite everything, they still wind up being the biggest player in each other’s lives.

Characters

There is just characters bursting at the seams here, if you’re a fan of someone in the show, you can bet they’ll probably make an appearance somewhere along the line; or at least get a mention. Even Scott Malkinson gets namedropped, and that’s the first time I’ve seen him show up in something I’ve read in this fandom in like, forever.

Stan and Kyle are great picks for the leads, it feels easy experiencing the events unfold from their perspectives− honestly, it’s like watching a more grown up version of the TV-show for the most part, with Cartman and Kenny filling in with their usual contributions of being an asshole and a sweetheart respectively. (I really do love the way Cartman’s handled; he plays a tremendous bastard to be sure, but in a way you could imagine his childhood-self becoming- he makes a delightfully hammy and worryingly formidable antagonist) Also features pretty much my favorite version of Wendy I’ve come across; she’s the real MVP.

Craig’s low-key stealing scenes at first, before kicking things into high-gear and trying to take over the show throughout the run, to the point where he’s pretty much the focal point of all the drama several times. He’s a bit of a mess, but understandably so. Truthfully, all the characters have a unique take on them (all in keeping with how you’d imagine their canon counterparts at that age) and it’s a delight to learn what makes them all tick. I think with Craig especially, his views often radically differ from what you’re presented with by the other characters (including Stan and Kyle) and it’s never written in a way that forces you to side with any particular party as being ‘in the right’. Something I always find refreshing when it’s done as well as it’s done here. Everyone is presented with both strengths and faults, with actual long-running consequences for past actions, good and bad, and it’s up to you as the reader to make what you will out of it.

But then you’ve got the dialogue, and my god, it really takes the cake. There’s not much I can say apart from I legitimately thought some scenes and mannerisms must have been penned by Trey himself− the humor especially. Truly guys, you’re in for a treat. I would have loved to have asked the boys a question back in the day.

Style

Since I’ve gone long on the writing, I have to pretty much devote this section to the artwork because it’s fucking magic. Picture paints a thousand words and all that, and my god, does it ever do that here− the way things are scripted and tied in with the respective art? It makes for all sorts of amazing comedic timing, adds tenfold to any of the emotional scenes and just makes the story flow like a dream; I always have trouble putting it down once I get started.

Jovi’s just an incredibly talented artist, there is simply no escaping this fact. Each and every character has a unique design that fits their character and− I realize this one’s super subjective –to me, they all have such charm and personality in the way they’re drawn. It’s this masterfully presented cartoon-style with an emphasis on expressions, movement and color that I honestly just adore. Even at the very start of the blog, where the art is almost entirely different than it winds up looking at the finishing point two years later, I just love it− again with a South Park comparison, it reminds me of the watching the early cardboard-cutout style of the show compared to its newer 3D designs, both holding a special place in my heart in their own ways.

It floors me to think this was the author’s first major project. As mentioned above, I’d greatly recommend reading through the blog in its entirety, including all the commentaries by the mods, the funny tags, the side-art. One of the most inspiring things about this work is getting a sense of the love and dedication that was put into it over the years it was running; like watching the behind-the-scenes on some giant motion epic and coming to terms with how much effort went into producing what you’re seeing. It’s practically another story itself, and no less heartening than with the boys and their trials and tribulations. Seriously dude, so much kudos.

Favorite Things

The content variety. There’s just so much to love here, things being kept fresh and exciting throughout the super long run-time of the blog without feeling disjointed, on top of managing a satisfying conclusion. There’s a lot of fun to be had, no half-measures.

The character dynamics are a treat. With such a big cast, there’s all sorts of different personalities playing off each other, with dynamic relationships that all manage to evolve and grow. Definite love given to proper character arcs.

Inspiring themes and feel-good moments really do make this a gem to read when you’re looking for a pick me up. The messages about dealing with depression and addiction, managing your health and fitness and even studying and making smart choices− all of them really hit home.

Relationships of all different types; one’s that work out, one’s that don’t, some being easy, some being hard, long ones, short ones, mistakes and awkward surprises. Romance is well and truly covered, and I like that it doesn’t shy away with the stuff that just doesn’t end well.

Some of the best artwork you’ll come across (and so utterly fitting of the material), drawn to such a quality standard and on such a short time-frame that it kinda makes my head spin. I’m now at the point that when I think about the characters, these versions are the ones that appear in my head.

It’s honestly a little embarrassing for me to talk about AMAB, and god knows it’s pretty presumptuous, y’know? New guy recommends beloved artwork that already attracted thousands of followers back in its day. I’m going to guess this’ll end up being the rec that I’ll have needed to have written the least− since like, all of you have probably already devoured the blog long before you learned about it here.

But you know? If anything, I hope this ends up reconfirming what an excellent choice it was for you to have read it. And as always with these review things, if the author should read this, I hope you know just how much what you’ve made affected me and countless others; how good you deserve to feel, and how proud the people in your life must be of you for doing something so important and worthwhile.

As usual, next post’ll be spoilers and artwork− and I’m just going to bury my head in the sand so hard because my artwork is garbage compared, but we’ll have to muddle through. Join me there for second hand embarrassment, okay?

#south park #Cryde #style #askmarshandbroflovski #jovishark #blog recs #cryderecs #part1

[warmau]

hi!!!!! can I please request for a minhyun college au? I am addicted to your writing (･´з`･) thank you in advance xxx

for nu’est ive decided it’d be cool to make them all medical students!! so consider it residency-college!au LOL~

specialty: minhyun is doing his residency in dermatology  

is known as the “pretty boy” of the unit and other residents are always joking that patients favor him because,,,,,,,,well one he has gorgeous skin,,,,,,,but everything else about him is literally just as gorgeous

is really sweet and tries his best to be polite,,,,,,even if taking another 10 hour shift is literally going to Kill Him,,,,,minhyun just smiles and is like : ) it’s fine : ) im fine

his superiors like him the most and their favoritism shows because guess who doesn’t get yelled out for taking a five minute snack break? it’s minhyun

but even though he comes off so mannered and mature,,,,,he has a lil nerdy side,,,,,like his phone background is always his cute niece and him but one day someone noticed that his lock screen was literally a screenshot from the transformers movie,,,,,,,like,,,,,,,,,

everyone keeps asking if he’s dating and minhyun is just like,,,,i,,,,,d,,dating?!?!?!?! and they’re like oh my god you have the face and you’re telling us you haven’t used it yet

and minhyun is like ?!?! i use it everyday to eat, to read - and everyone is like oh jesus no that’s nOT WHat we MEANT

but if anyone as much as dares to try to do ‘corrupt’ minhyun (as dongho affectionately refers to it) minhyun just turns pink and bites his lips and is like i!! don’t know anything about that,,,,,

boy is already in residency and sometimes if a patient get too close he has to excuse himself,,,,,,,soft boy

speaking of dongho and the rest of nu’est they all do residency in the same hospital so every now and then they’ll meet up to eat lunch outside

and everyone swoons because they’re the ~visual residents~ a group of goodlooking guys in white doctors coats,,,,,,what a dREAM

and then dongho gets crumbs all over his scrubs and minhyun is like come here i need to clean it - don’t you dare run from me- come bacK

is really good at his job though, so much so that people are like he doesn’t even need to do residency he knows sO MUCh

graduated at the top of his class in med school, still studies as diligently as before, literally takes notes on e v e r y t h i n g the doctors say

jr jokes that when minhyun opens his own dermatology clinic he should give all of them face lifts but minhyun is like,,,,,,,,im not doing that im doing immunodermatology wanna hear what i learned about leprosy-

jr: i gtg rn i was just trying to make a joke i am so sorry

anyway you also work in the hospital,,,,,but not as a resident or anything you’re actually in the tech department

and you know about minhyun because how can you not,,,,,but also,,,,,,,,he’s called the tech department like a minimum of twenty times a week because for some reason he’s super smart

but takes like ten years to type in a patients chart notes and he’s always getting a bit confused with the hospitals interface

and you,,,,,,,dont mind being the one called to help him i mean like have you /SEEN/ him  

just standing beside him is like basking in the sunlights glow and u dont mind. not one bit. tbh u r not gonna like lie when u see a call from the dermatology dept u basically fight people for the phone

buuuuut you also know that it’s a one sided kinda thing,,,because minhyun could have anyone,,,,,,,literally 

u can tell from the fact that his lab coats pockets are always full of candy, letters, and more that both patients and staff give him and yeah it makes ur heart sink a bit but like,,,,

whatever the short moment where you get to stand beside him at the desk and tell him (for the 15th time) how to reset the scheduling system works like,,,,,it’s enough

which is why when you get called down again, minhyun voice sounding apologetic over the phone u cheerily tell him it’s no problem - you’ll be right down to see what happened 

but since the elevator is taking too long u decide to go down the stairs where,,,,you hear voices echoing as you get closer to the floor ur supposed to meet minhyun on

and???? they sound familiar,,,,,one is obviously dongho’s,,,,,and the other???? minhyun?

and u stop your steps,,,listening to their echoing words 

“are you going to ask them? minhyun it’s been two weeks since you decided to say something and you’re still putting it off.”

“,,,,,what if they don’t like me-”

“NO OFFENSE BUT THATS NOT POSSIBLE”

you blink,,,,wondering if you’re hearing another voice,,,,,and it is,,,,this one belongs to another resident. ren

“minhyun, seriously you’re handsome. i dont say that a lot. but ur handsome. very handsome. look at me minhyun does it look like i would lie.”

and finally,,,,the calmest voice of the bunch belong to jr: “you should go for it. i think they like you too.”

and you’re not sure what else they say because the door opens and a couple of nurses rush by you, their footsteps making noise

and in your head you’re wondering,,,,,,who is it that minhyun likes,,,,,,,

but not wanting to get lost in your thoughts you rush down coming out into the dermatology dept and seeing minhyun leaning against the wall near the elevators. 

you pat his shoulder,,making him jump a bit and the both of you breaking into blushing apologizes but then he mumbles that he’s pretty sure something is going on with the vital monitor

and you go inside the room to check it out

and as you’re doing your work,,,,you don’t notice minhyun bite his lip,,,,shy eyes trying to avoid your figure in the center of the room

quietly fidgeting with his name tag pinned to his collar

and when you turn, smile on your face “done! it just got unhooked-”

“are you free,,,,,on sunday?”

minhyun’s sudden question catches you off guard and you’re like w-what?? and he’s like,,,,,,,, “i-,,,,i have a shift,,,,but i can- it ends at 8 so i could take u to dinner,,,,,maybe,,,,,-”

minhyun,,,,with all his pretty features and polite personality cannot seem to stutter out a date invitation 

but,,,,you also cant believe ur ears???? the person minhyun liked?????was you???

and you’re like “d-don’t you not have many free days? you should rest-”

“it’s ok! i want to,,,,,spend it with you.”

there’s something of a shy smile on his face,,,,but his eyes are nervous and you’re always feeling your palms sweat

because god u really want to say yes,,,,the happiness in your stomach is turning to butterflies,,,,,but you also know that minhyun should rest

so you go “ok,,,,,but how about we do something simple,,,,like watch a movie at my place?”

and minhyun almost turns cherry red at the mention of coming over and he refuses,,,,,saying it’d be un-gentlemen-y of him but ur just like pleassse it’s fine

safe to say you guys do have that date at your place but you purposly pick a boring movie so minhyun falls asleep fifteen minutes in and you let the tired med student sleep soundly on your shoulder as you do your own thing

and ofc when he wakes up minhyun is a mess of “im sorrys” and “im not a creep i promise” but u just laugh and tell him it’s ok,,,,,it was a perfect first date because u were able to see him rest

which honestly just makes minhyun’s heart flutter even more about you,,,,,on the way home he texts ren and is like “i think they’re an angel,,,,,,,”

dating med student!minhyun is slow at first because he’s surprisingly shy about pda or skinship,,,,,to the point where when he first holds ur hand he has to let go 5 minutes later and be like “its not that i dont want to,,,its just,,,,,my hand got sweat and i didnt want u to think thats gross-” and u had to grab his hand back and be like idc if its sweaty i want to hold it forever, minhyun once he gets more comfortable has a habit for always dusting off your uniform or tucking strands of your hair back because he thinks u look cute when ur all neat and whatnot, tbh dongho and jr tell minhyun it might be a lil weird but u like it,,,its minhyun’s personality so u accept it, since he works super long hours u dont really get to see each other often but minhyun really likes it when u text him what ur doing after work esp if u include pictures, at first he’d just be like oh! cool :D or looks yummy! but as you two get closer he’ll kinda be a little sappy saying things like even your silhouette is pretty or i wish i could be beside you right now, a constant struggle is showing people photos of you and minhyun together looking cute in the hospital lobby doing peace signs and ur like that’s my boyfriend! and people are like no no no thats a celebrity honey and ur like,,,no,,,,,no he’s my bf,,,,,,,basically people r just really shocked because minhyun’s visuals are no joke, whenever someone confesses to minhyun whether it’s a patient or a staff he gets all embarrassed but also secretly reaLLY likes saying he has a significant other that he is head over heels for, ren makes fun of him so much for it he imitates his voice and calls out ur name and is like head !!! oveR HEELs~~~!! and minhyun is like pLEASE and ren is just kiss kiss love love u two are sooooo corny, on an anniversary minhyun had work but he sent you a video of him playing on the piano and singing your favorite love song and it legitimately made you tear up, does this thing where when he gets really really tired he’ll never admit it but one kiss from you makes it feel like he can take on the WORLD, an exchange resident named aaron comes to visit and minhyun introduces you to him and is like he’s my bff and aaron is just like “so what base have you and minhyun reac-oK FINE I WONT ASK”, those rare times where residents get more than a day off minhyun always insists on doing the absolute most for you and sometimes you have to literally argue with him to let you do something because he works so hard you want to support him and make it easy, you cooked for him once and you can’t tell if him telling you he LOVED it was fake or real,,,,,,,you guys got matching sweaters from the nu’est boys as a gift and they’re bright pink and corny and minhyun refuses to wear them until you giggled and put it on and minhyun melts for anything you do so he was like ok FINE, surprised you once by pulling you into a storage closet at the hospital and letting a hand slip up your shirt and you were like minhyun?? ?against his neck and he,,,,,couldn’t keep it up you felt his cheeks go hot and he was a stuttering mess like ten minutes in but he was also like i just,,,i really wanted you i dont know what came over me ,,,,,WHAT A FREAKING CUTIE AMIRIGHT THO,,,,promises that once he is done with residency he’s going to get a good job and take you on vacation for never leaving his side through the hardest years of his life and you just kiss his nose and tell him not to worry about it,,,,,but seriously the only thing on minhyun’s mind sometimes (which he finds fascinating) is how much he really rEALLY wants to make you happy,,,,,,,,,,he wants a future,,,,with you 

find others here: ong seongwoo | kang daniel | lee daehwi

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