Loved You Before
Peach PRC
I bet we were a couple bugs just slithering in the mud
Happily in love doing bug stuff
I think I met you in a store in 1944
I probably wrote you letters while you went off to the war
And we could've been two birds, now wouldn't that be so absurd
Or maybe just lost lovers that keep getting rediscovered
I think I loved you before back when we were dinosaurs
I wanna stay in love in this life and the next one
I think we've already met somewhere, another planet
I wanna stay in love in this life and the next one
I, I loved you before
I, I loved you before
I, I loved you in this life and the next one
Maybe you left me on a trip, two pirates on a ship
Counting all the gold as the boat tipped
Could we have been there drinking wine in medieval times?
Laughing in a castle with our glasses intertwined
Two complementary colours
The winter, the spring and summer
Forever just lost lovers that keep getting rediscovered
I think I loved you before
Back when we were dinosaurs
I wanna stay in love in this life and the next one
I think we've already met
Somewhere, another planet
I wanna stay in love in this life and the next one
I, I loved you before
I, I loved you before
I, I loved you in this life and the next one
I, I loved you before
I, I loved you before
I, I loved you in this life and the next one
If I'm the sun, then you're the moon
In this life and the nights too
If it's over soon then come back through
Just to say, say I love you
I think I loved you before back when we were dinosaurs
I wanna stay in love in this life and the next one
I think we've already met somewhere, another planet
I wanna stay in love in this life and the next one
I, I loved you before
I, I loved you before
I, I loved you in this life and the next one
I, I loved you before
I, I loved you before
I, I loved you in this life and the next one
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Time passed, feelings lapsed, everything changed.
But nevertheless part of me will always linger in a particular time and space we held close to our hearts. A time, long before today. When you and I first learned to love, when you took my breath away— a time that doesn’t exist anymore. Instead, sweet moments between you and I are concealed deep in my memories.
And here we stand, grown.
Amazing how the years changed us, aged us, differentiated us.
We don’t know each other now, I know enough about you to not want to.
I know we aren’t anything alike anymore. That the memories of our love, the memories I clung desperately to, would be spoiled by the us we are now. Every memory preserved in its perfect entirety, would lose it’s young naivety. The wonder I remember in your eyes would be lost forever if I see tears fill them now.
And maybe I’m just selfish, but the way I remember you is exactly how I’d like for you to stay —because in my memories you’re preserved. You; the person who taught me love and laughter, self appreciation and earth-shattering sadness.
A boy who gave me the keys to my own heart, dared me to fall, took me to the depths of unrequited love, and let me drown in the beautiful delusions we made up together.
I was dumb, numb, and hated myself more than anything, for allowing our love to override and overthrow all logic, all caution. Shattered in the memories, I romanticized everything we were and rebuilt myself on the feelings of love you had once taught me. You stayed romanticized for years, the best parts of you on repeat. Tearing me apart that I wasn’t enough, I wondered if I could ever stop seeing you in my dreams.
That was until we ran into each other.
My heart didn’t stop like I thought it would. I didn’t crave any part of what was because immediately, I realized our differences were inevitable. How utterly unavoidable our endding always was, and how naive we were to dream of forever together. Looking in your eyes, I saw a thousand ways we would’ve ended. And with sadness in my heart, I knew without a doubt we were never meant to grow together.
Knowing that alone would break me then, but now, I see it for what it is.
And I can’t fathom to realize that with you, to talk about it with you, because I can’t let our once-upon-a-time love soften.
I can’t let the same pain that crippled me, bead off your bottom lashes. I can’t let tears form where I never had seen them before.
Because once upon a time, we ended in your indifference, and I mourned not being enough. But you learning neither of us would ever be enough… I could never hurt you in that way. Breaking your heart now would shatter me, yet again.
So I keep my distance.
And I keep our memories, preserved in their perfect entirety.
And I will forever think of you fondly.
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New Conspiracy just dropped: the reason Taylor reads as gay is because she and Peach PRC are soulmates and did, in fact meet each other in a store in 1944 and Peach wrote her letters when she went off to the war. The similarity is too uncanny and I for one support their love.
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Don’t mind me while this song lyrics becomes my personality for the next month, while I wait for Manic Dream Pixie to come out on the 28 April…
It’s giving 2007 MySpace but I’m here for it.
🎼I bet we were a couple bugs
Just living in the mud
Happily in love doing bug stuff
I bet I met you in a store in 1944
I probably wrote you letter while you went off to the war
And we could’ve been two bird
Now would that be so absurd?
Or maybe just lost lovers
That keep getting rediscovered
I think I loved you before
Back when we were dinosaurs
I wanna stay in love
In this life and the next one
I think we already met
Somewhere on another planet
I wanna stay in love in this life and the next one 🎶
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MAYBE YOU LEFT ME ON A TRIP‼️
TWO PIRATES ON A SHIP‼️
COUNTING ALL OUR GOLD AS THE BOAT TIPPED‼️
COULD WE HAVE BEEN THERE DRINKING WINE‼️
IN MEDIEVAL TIMES‼️
LAUGHING IN A CASTLE WITH OUR GLASSES ENTERTWINED‼️‼️‼️
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
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