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tearlessrain · 1 month

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please help me- i used to be pretty smart but i’m having so much trouble grasping the concept of diegetic vs non-diegetic bdsm!

gfkjldghfd okay first of all I'm sorry for the confusion, if you're not finding anything on the phrase it's because I made it up and absolutely nobody but me ever uses it, but I haven't found a better way to express what I'm trying to say so I keep using it. but now you've given me an excuse to ramble on about some shit that is only relevant to me and my deeply inefficient way of talking and by god I'm going to take it.

SO. the way diegetic and non-diegetic are normally used is to talk about music and sound design in movies/tv shows. in case you aren't familiar with that concept, here's a rundown:

diegetic sound is sound that happens within the world of the movie/show and can be acknowledged by the characters, like a song playing on the stereo during a driving scene, or sung on stage in Phantom of the Opera. it's also most other sounds that happen in a movie, like the sounds of traffic in a city scene, or a thunderclap, or a marching band passing by. or one of the three stock horse sounds they use in every movie with a horse in it even though horses don't really vocalize much in real life, but that's beside the point, the horse is supposed to be actually making that noise within the movie's world and the characters can hear it whinnying.

non-diegetic sound is any sound that doesn't exist in the world of the movie/show and can't be perceived by the characters. this includes things like laugh tracks and most soundtrack music. when Duel of Fates plays in Star Wars during the lightsaber fight for dramatic effect, that's non-diegetic. it exists to the audience, but the characters don't know their fight is being backed by sick ass music and, sadly, can't hear it.

the lines can get blurry between the two, you've probably seen the film trope where the clearly non-diegetic music in the title sequence fades out to the same music, now diegetic and playing from the character's car stereo. and then there are things like Phantom of the Opera as mentioned above, where the soundtrack is also part of the plot, but Phantom of the Opera does also have segments of non-diegetic music: the Phantom probably does not have an entire orchestra and some guy with an electric guitar hiding down in his sewer just waiting for someone to break into song, but both of those show up in the songs they sing down there.

now, on to how I apply this to bdsm in fiction.

if I'm referring to diegetic bdsm what I mean is that the bdsm is acknowledged for what it is in-world. the characters themselves are roleplaying whatever scenarios their scenes involve and are operating with knowledge of real life rules/safety practices. if there's cnc depicted, it will be apparent at some point, usually right away, that both characters actually are fully consenting and it's all just a planned scene, and you'll often see on-screen negotiation and aftercare, and elements of the story may involve the kink community wherever the characters are. Love and Leashes is a great example of this, 50 Shades and Bonding are terrible examples of this, but they all feature characters that know they're doing bdsm and are intentional about it.

if I'm talking about non-diegetic bdsm, I'm referring to a story that portrays certain kinks without the direct acknowledgement that the characters are doing bdsm. this would be something like Captive Prince, or Phantom of the Opera again, or the vast majority of bodice ripper type stories where an innocent woman is kidnapped by a pirate king or something and totally doesn't want to be ravished but then it turns out he's so cool and sexy and good at ravishing that she decides she's into it and becomes his pirate consort or whatever it is that happens at the end of those books. the characters don't know they're playing out a cnc or D/s fantasy, and in-universe it's often straight up noncon or dubcon rather than cnc at all. the thing about entirely non-diegetic bdsm is that it's almost always Problematic™ in some way if you're not willing to meet the story where it's at, but as long as you're not judging it by the standards of diegetic bdsm, it's just providing the reader the same thing that a partner in a scene would: the illusion of whatever risk or taboo floats your boat, sometimes to extremes that can't be replicated in real life due to safety, practicality, physics, the law, vampires not being real, etc. it's consensual by default because it's already pretend; the characters are vehicles for the story and not actually people who can be hurt, and the reader chose to pick up the book and is aware that nothing in it is real, so it's all good.

this difference is where people tend to get hung up in the discourse, from what I've observed. which is why I started using this phrasing, because I think it's very crucial to be able to differentiate which one you're talking about if you try to have a conversation with someone about the portrayal of bdsm in media. it would also, frankly, be useful for tagging, because sometimes when you're in the mood for non-diegetic bodice ripper shit you'd call the police over in real life, it can get really annoying to read paragraphs of negotiation and check-ins that break the illusion of the scene and so on, and the opposite can be jarring too.

it's very possible to blur these together the same way Phantom of the Opera blurs its diegetic and non-diegetic music as well. this leaves you even more open to being misunderstood by people reading in bad faith, but it can also be really fun to play with. @not-poignant writes fantastic fanfic, novels, and original serials on ao3 that pull this off really well, if you're okay with some dark shit in your fiction I would highly recommend their work. some of it does get really fucking dark in places though, just like. be advised. read the tags and all that.

but yeah, spontaneous writer plug aside, that's what I mean.

#I found their original stuff while I was researching various waterhorses and their folklore for no reason #because one of the characters in their original work happens to be an each uisge #and then it turned out it ALSO included a lot of figures from welsh folklore in general #so yknow if you happen to have my incredibly specific hyperfixations you'll love it but even if you don't it's great #I didn't mean to bring up phantom of the opera so much it just happens to be very relevant to a lot of my talking points #I haven't actually seen it in years

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inkskinned · 9 months

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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

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the-irrelevant-trumpeter · 11 months

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this is possibly the funniest terf take i’ve ever seen. trans people, hate to tell you this but buying clothes is actually capitalist and you should stop /j.

#like babe sorry to tell you this #but you also wear gender affirming clothes #also would love to know what world this person is living in #where there’s an infinite stream of gender affirming surgeries #bc like. that doesn’t happen.#anyway just found this hilarious #tw transphobes

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raggedytiger · 2 months

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this is so bad but i permanently cropped the file so brutally that i can no longer edit it. whoops! also panels 4-7 were fully coloured but it looks better without for some reason. pomni (penny?) is such an ugly crier. i love my horrible failgirl accountant

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magnusbae · 10 months

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To illustrate this post by @mayahawkse I would like to visualize to you the difference:

A post in 2023:

A post in 2014:

A zoom out of the same post:

This is what a community looks like.

See how in 2023 almost all of the reblogs come from the OP, from their few hours/days in the tag search. Meanwhile in 2014 the % of reblogs from OP is insignificant, because most of the reblogs come from the reblogs within the fandom, within the micro-communities formed there. You didn't need to rely on tags, or search, or being featured. Because the community took care of you, made sure to pass the work between themselves and onto their blog and exposed their followers to it. It kept works alive for years.

It's not JUST the reblog/like ratio that causing this issue, it's the type of interaction people have. They're content with scrolling and liking the search engine, instead of actually having a reblogging relationship with other blogs in their community.

Anyways, if you want to see more content you like, the only true way to make it happen is to reblog it. Likes do not forward content in no way but making OP feel nice. Reblogs on the other hand make content eternal. They make it relevant, they make it exist outside of a fickle tumblr search that hardly works on the best of days.

If you want more of something, reblog it.

#i said i wont ever rant about this bc it's unseemly but HONESTLY.#you simply cannot complain about not having enough of A or B or C and then never reblog / interact with the content you love.#If you LOVE something you cannot just leave a like and silently wait for more to happen #I know countless of content creators that simply stopped doing art/writing fic/making edits #You need to understand that fandom content is made FOR the fandom FOR the engagement FOR the entertainment and fun it makes.#If a content creator does not have fun IN the fandom-- why would they spend the scares free time they have on making this content?#And we're not talking about things that you don't like-- no one expects you to reblog things you don't like.#However I think it's safe to say that when a post has more than 5k it's not some random shitpost with no value.#tumblr issues #tumblr #content creators #buns.txt #something something please don't starve your local clowns

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watchingwisteria · 5 months

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listen there really was just something about how in the book, snow’s 3-page descent from hesitant lover boy to deluded psychopath happens entirely in his mind. lucy gray gives him no indication whatsoever that she suspects him, that she’s going to leave or betray him. he’s just sitting quietly in the cabin waiting for her to return when that seed of calculated suspicion, which he has needed to survive the capitol, takes a hold of him and chokes the life out of any goodness left inside him. it really drives home your terror as a reader that “oh my god did he kill her? did she escape? what happened to her? why would he even think that?” in a way that when the movie had to adjust for visualization it lost some of that holy shit this guy has lost it emphasis.

#seeing some discourse and im not saying lucy grey didnt know #im saying she never dropped the kind of hints that she knew like she did in the movie #or if she did snow isnt worried about them until he very suddenly is consumed by them #snow is not concerned about whether or not she believed him. of course she did! hes snow!#but then shes gone…. for a while……#and its the sudden immediate drastic unravelling that comes across so clearly in the book #that i knew wouldn’t translate to screen yet still cant help but miss #the hunger games #coriolanus snow #tbosas #lucy gray baird #not a crime or anything just a note that i cannot stop thinking about #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #this is all from memory of reading it quite a while ago. so maybe 3 pages is an exaggeration #but i remember it happening VERY quickly and without much external cause #like we as the reader have no indication as to whether shes nearby or not.#snow has no idea either. he just SUSPECTS. and his suspicion breeds the hatred that has been bubbling inside him all this time #he hates how she undoes him. he hates that he WOULD run away with her if shed let him keep his secrets #and he HATES more than anything that she makes him WANT to tell his secrets #he wants to be vulnerable and reveal the ugly nasty parts about himself and still be loved #but he does not let himself and it is everyone’s downfall #he chooses cruelty bc it is easy and familiar and makes him feel more powerful than the vulnerable give and take that real love requires

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wispscribbles · 3 months

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I love your ghost design. I wanna squeeze him :⁠^⁠)

If no hug then why hug-shaped???

#thank youuuu! squeeze that mentally unstable adult man! he needs it!#ask #anon ask #ghostsoap #soapghost #my art #cod fanart #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #soap x ghost #doodle #fav hc about ghost is that he is so incredibly touch starved and everyone just assumes he hates touch #but Soap is so touchy he keeps forgetting not to hug and pat and lean on Ghost #and each time Ghost is like ‘what is happening to me?? why do I want to melt rn??? I think I’m in love???’#outwardly he is a stone wall as usual #until Soap actually remembers to give Ghost space bc he thinks that’s what he wants #and Ghost has to finally be the one to reach out and ask for touch #and Soap is the happiest camper #from then on they are stuck together with glue #this all has nothing to do with your ask I’m sorry #I’ve got ghoap on the brain I can’t help it #complete side note: I have many asks in my inbox and I’m so happy y’all write!! just pls bear with me bc I am very slow to respond

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andthebeanstalk · 11 months

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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bluegiragi · 1 month

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negotiations.

early access + nsfw on patreon

#dragons get so tunnel visioned when it comes to their hoard. often to their own detriment #y'all wanted to see price in action...you better savour it while you can #also i've not been intentionally neglecting laswell since i love her as much as the average joe #but i guess it just happened...#for the record she's still a human in this au but she keeps up with the best of them #ALSO also i had a ton of fun drawing this section #i hope it shows <3 #monster 141 au #captain john price #manuel roba #simon ghost riley #giragi art

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sweetbillwriting · 2 months

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Love Just Happens

A New Chapter - Part 18

Characters: The future's Bill Skarsgård and others close to him. The rest is my own characters.

Setting: This story is set in the future but because it's hard to say how the world is then (and it isn't that important for the story) the future is similar to our time now, even with fashion and so on.

Warnings: 18+, age difference, ageism, jealousy, mentions of cheating, mentions about miscarriage, talk about weight and looks.

They knew they worked well together. They knew they matched.

They also knew Bill was an overachiever. He always worked twice as hard as everyone else. Always restless, creative, and productive.

They stood in the bathroom and looked down at the test in Aurora’s hand. It happened as fast as the last time. Two lines stared them in the face. Aurora laid a hand over her mouth and giggled. Bill smirked and then laughed loudly. It was quite unbelievable that they had created something that would be a living being 40 weeks later, in just a couple of months.

"Well, this was a birthday gift.” He laughed again and then took Aurora in his arms, who giggled warmly and looked up at his handsomeness. They had talked about giving Isis a sibling closer in age but thought they would do it in maybe a year so they had time to give Isis alone time as a toddler but still didn’t wait too long so Bill wouldn't feel too old. Then life happened. Aurora wanted out of her contract and Bill had a Swedish project for the next year. It was just the right time. They couldn't be sure it would go as they wanted but the track record gave them hope and there they now stood with a positive pregnancy test.

“This is… Shit, baby, it's happening now,” said Aurora with a nervous smile while Bill leaned down behind her to press his cheek against hers with a hand on her belly. It felt natural having him patting her belly lovingly. It wasn't long ago Isis had lived in that one room apartment.

“You still want this?” Bill asked carefully.

Aurora turned so she could look at him and gave him a big smile.

“I don't want anything more.”

Bill smiled and kissed her.

“This will be your fifth kid. Can you handle it?” She asked with a giggle.

“Pff, of course I will! I've always wanted a big family.”

Aurora was on her way to comment on his confidence when Isis sounds were heard on the baby monitor.

“I think it's your turn, daddy,” she said cheekily and Bill gave her an amused smile that turned dark when he thought back to a time when she was young and innocent. Aurora bit her lip but then dragged her hand over her belly. Bill kissed her passionately before walking to Isis. She was everything he could ask for, the kids were the glitter of their perfect world.

×××

They would keep the pregnancy a secret as long as they could, they would especially not tell them the same day as they had found out. They still had a hard time believing it.

Bill's strict diet for his next role was a perfect excuse for Aurora to not celebrate his birthday with alcohol. Bill had such discipline he didn't even stop his diet over his birthday so no one thought it was strange she refused alcohol. They celebrated with most of his family, the ones who were in Sweden. It was low-key and after they were alone with his daughters.

“So when will you go away?” Asked his oldest daughter while they sat outside in the lounge furniture. Bill stretched out his long body with his hands behind his head.

“On Wednesday, early.”

It was time for his movie. He had worked out hard for the role, these last months with a new trainer. It had been good and he was in better form than he had been for a long time. His muscles were not as lean as they usually were, they were a bit pumped up and he could often see how Aurora looked at his arms with fascination. Neither of them knew he could look like that.

“How long will you be away? Her younger sister asked. They were used to their dad's traveling so they didn't react much to it. He was instead much more present when he was home, much more than many of their friends' dads.

“First three weeks, then home a week, then back for two weeks.”

“Will you and Isis be away the whole time?”

Aurora looked at Bill. She probably needed to at least visit the doctor once during that time, before the news the thought was that they would be in Scotland, where he would film, the whole time.

“We will see?” Said Bill then he smirked and pulled Aurora close to his side of the thought of the news. His kids didn't think much about it, because they were always a bit too clingy with each other.

“Yeah, we will see. I might get restless,” said Aurora but just looked at Bill with a secretive smile.

“What about your new record?” Asked his oldest to Aurora. She was seriously wondering because she had also noticed she didn't want to do it. Aurora looked at Bill once again. They had their reason now and she hoped she wouldn't need to go there in October. She just wanted to call them up and say she was pregnant and make them feel turned off by her. There was nothing in her contract that said she couldn't get pregnant and she also knew they didn't want her pregnant, especially when they still tried to make her look like a young girl. They would probably rather give another girl the chance then. Aurora was a mother now. A married woman but also confident enough to do her own thing.

“The plan is in autumn…” she just answered while Bill patted her waist but also let his long finger glide over her belly. He hadn't really understood yet that he probably would become a father of five next year. He was nervous Aurora would have a miscarriage again but kept that to himself. He didn't need to worry her and for now it seemed like she had enough of just taking in something that was growing in her again.

“I want Isis to be here, at home…” said his twelve year old daughter and both the grown ups laughed.

“We know!” Said her dad and leaned forward to give his daughter a forehead kiss.

×××

It wasn't often Aurora had been on the set of Bill's movies. Most often it just became complicated because she needed so much security, especially with Isadora on her hip but this time she was there. Bill was filming out in nowhere in Scotland nature and the crew was few. It was a smaller production, a smaller budget but still Bill had laid all his time to get the right physique for the role as an outdoorsman.

Aurora watched from the side with Isis sitting on a blanket on the ground. They sat so he couldn't really see them but they could see him. She looked at him proudly when he disappeared into the role. They were almost just men in the production but there was one bigger female character and Aurora saw her come up to set with another woman, probably a stylist. Bill's character’s love interest. She hadn't thought so much about who it was, it had happened before he had had women he would kiss and do intimate scenes with but she had chosen to not delve into it. She felt it was better to not know so much about it but now she had the girl standing so close to her. What struck her was that she was probably younger than herself. She had always been Bill's “young girlfriend” before, always been the youngest in their settings but the girl he would make out with was maybe five years younger than herself. Her long caramel waves were floating on her back, all too perfect to be a character being outside most of the time. They had dressed her in leggings and a sports bra with a deep cleavage showing the top of her full chest. Aurora looked down at their daughter and sighed. She knew this was her reality now. It didn't matter that she was 16 years younger than him, his co-actresses would often be twenty-five even if he was 47. But was she forced to have a d-cup? Aurora knew she was pretty, much more than that even but while looking at the actress wave at Bill excitedly so her tits bounced she couldn't stop thinking about how tired her own boobs would be after breastfeeding one more baby.

She continued to look towards the girl because Bill walked up to her after she waved. At the same time she held onto Isis who tried to stand up against her leg but didn't yet succeed to put both her feet in the ground. It was even harder for her when she saw her dad and made happy sounds to make him look at her.

Bill had no idea that Aurora and Isis could see him so well in that moment and for him it wouldn't really matter either. He had just gone up to a colleague he hadn't seen since the table reading.

“I thought it would be warmer here!” Said his co-actress Sheilo when they gave each other a friendly hug. Bill laughed and corrected his t-shirt. At home in Sweden he would have been sweating in a black tight t-shirt, here he was cold.

“I know, right? Are you coming from L.A.?”

The girl played with her hair and nodded.

“Yeah, yesterday so I've got my rest. You too?”

“No, I've been here five days now, I came two days early. From Sweden.”

He didn't mention that his wife and baby were there, it wasn't on purpose that he left it out, for him it just wasn't natural to talk about his private life like that. He wouldn't even have mentioned he had been flying from Sweden if the girl hadn't asked. They weren't friends, she was just a colleague who had the habit of hugging all of her co-stars. She did the same with the others. Bill didn't care about it either, some people were just that way.

“You have been working out so hard, I can tell!” Sheilo said and smirked at him, Bill smiled and made a face like he played embarrassed and it made her laugh.

Aurora moved Isis so she could sit in her lap and see her dad better. He still couldn't hear her, or he still didn't react to her sounds. He laughed with the young woman who continued to play with her hair. Aurora looked at them in interest. She didn't know if it was jealousy she felt because she knew Bill would never cheat but she felt fascinated by seeing him with a beautiful woman without her being next to him. She could feel her pulse go up when she saw how the woman looked at him. It looked like she looked at his arms and hands.

“What? No! Not even on your birthday? That's not healthy!” Sheilo said with a laugh when Bill told her he hadn't been drinking alcohol for several months. Bill laughed and was on his way to answer but got interrupted when he heard high pitched baby sounds. His baby’s sounds. He turned to the sounds and when he saw his wife, dressed in jeans, his hoodie and cap, sitting on a blanket with their 10 month old baby, he walked up to them without saying anything to Sheilo. She looked at first a bit surprised but walked away to some people when she saw Bill walk up to the popstar and the baby.

“Hey, are you hiding over here?” He said with a big smile and sat down by their side. He took Isis in his arms and pushed his mouth to the side of her neck so he could make a farting sound against her skin. She laughed but pushed him away in the same annoyed way her mother did when he was clingy. Aurora smiled at them but when they had calmed down she dragged her fingers over his biceps. He had laid down, on his elbows, so he looked down to the side where her fingers dragged over his sun kissed skin.

“What's her name? The actress? I know she was that professor’s daughter in that movie… But I don't remember her…” she said carefully but out of curiosity. Bill gave her a look because for a moment he felt worried.

“Sheilo Medley,” he said and looked at Isis playing with the book Aurora had thought they would read.

“Right…”

Bill laid down completely on the blanket and looked up at Aurora.

“She's young… I mean there must be like a 20 year age difference between you!” Joked Aurora halfheartedly and looked at Isis. She didn't want to look at Bill because she heard how it sounded, even if she didn't mean it that way. Isis was a good reason to not look at him but Bill could still hear her tone and feel how uncomfortable she was.

“Probably. Who cares? She's my co-star,” he said and sat up again. Aurora nodded and turned to him with a smile. It went too fast for him to see what kind of smile it was but he leaned in for a kiss anyway.

“What time does Erica come?” He asked while squishing a unicorn until it made a squeaky sound, it made Isis laugh so he did it again.

“Six. So we’ll stay until you're home. Are you sure you have energy for Isis after a whole day here?” She asked worriedly and patted him lightly on the cheek. Bill smiled and leaned into her hand so he could kiss her palm.

“Absolutely. She just sleeps anyway.”

Once again they kissed, two, three, four, five times, with Isis as an audience.

“Bill! It's time!” Shouted the director's assistant.

×××

Isis wore soft footie pajamas with yellow bunnies on while laying on her stomach in the playpen. She was finally sleeping. Bill should have been home in the apartment they rented two hours ago and Isis seemed to wait for him. When Aurora was sure Isis really was asleep she snuck out from the bedroom out to the living room where Erica sat with a glass of wine each for them. Aurora, who just wanted to bitch about Bill being late and Isis being grumpy and stubborn paused when she saw the glass.

“I'm sorry, I thought you had stopped breastfeeding, right?” Erica said when she saw Aurora's big eyes on the glass. Aurora sat down next to her slowly and then she gave her a look. First she was just tired and also disappointed she couldn't just calm her nerves with the wine but then she thought about what would happen in seven? Eight? Months later. She looked at her best friend and laid her hands on her belly in a showy way.

“No?!” Erica said excitedly, understanding at once. A few years ago she would have said that way too loud but now she also was a mother and learned to keep it down. Her son was with his father, they weren't together anymore so every other week she was alone.

“Yes! It's so, so new! No one knows, just the two of us and now you. It happened really fast and…”

“Fuck Bill, after that kid he must cut it off!”

“His dick?” Said Aurora without really thinking.

“I mean do a vasectomy! But yeah, yeah! One more baby! Wow! That's amazing!”

“Yeah they will be really close in age but… It was the right time.”

Erica nodded. She knew about all the problems with Aurora's label, so she could understand they had planned this well.

“Have you been to the doctor?" Erica asked carefully. She didn't want to make Aurora nervous.

“No… Not yet. We will have the week Bill is free from work. Then we go home, and yeah... We will do everything just as planned, as with Isis. You know Bill is great with all that.”

Erica smiled warmly and moved Aurora's wine glass closer to herself before taking a sip of her own.

“Bill is great. When he is with you,” she teased, and Aurora laughed. She also knew she brought out the best in him. Everyone always said that, but he also brought out the best in her.

“He is the best, so...” Aurora took a deep breath and looked down at her thighs. She wore just a pair of gray soft shorts.

“I don't know. I'm a hundred percent sure Bill would never cheat on me, but... There is this girl.”

Erica looked at her with worry while she talked. She couldn't really say what it was, but Aurora looked uncomfortable, like she didn't feel at home in her own skin.

“It's his co-star. And… I know he would never cheat, but when I saw her, my body reacted. A bit the same as if you would suddenly see a loose lion, you know?”

Aurora looked at her best friend, who nodded.

“Fear?”

It wasn't really the right word, so Aurora didn't say anything; she just thought about it for a while.

“Intimidation,” she said while looking out from the window, then she turned to Erica.

“And you trust Bill completely? I just want to ask so you don't lie to yourself. I remember those things Sonny told you when you would get together with Bill again. Erica tried to say it really carefully because she didn't want to create something, but she did want Aurora to see Bill completely, not for the man she wished he was. Erica calmed down at once because Aurora smiled at her and looked down at her wedding rings.

“It was just rumors. And even if it wasn't, he would never have done it to me!” She laughed a little and laid her hands on her cheeks. “It's just you I can say this to, Erica, but, fuck, if he had cheated on her, that would still be history. He was younger, fresh, hot, famous, and much richer than her. But cheat on me? No. no. I'm his queen, and my pussy is better than the finest weed!” She said with a playful bitchy attitude, and then they both laughed.

×××

He was four hours late. He often got late from set, believing that working hours as an actor would be stupid as hell, but that day he had told the director he needed to go in a reasonable time so Aurora could go out with Erica. Instead, time dragged out even more. He felt stiff and sore in every muscle, but he knew he would feel like this for a long time now because of the physical acting.

With some struggle, he took off his shoes, then crept into the living room, afraid to wake anyone up.

Aurora and Erica were still awake and were lying in a couch corner each, both of them looking up when he came into the room.

“Hey,” he said, giving them both a smile before walking up to Aurora.

“I'm sorry, it dragged out on time.” He leaned down to see if he could get a little peck, and Aurora gave it to him without hesitation.

“You worked for sixteen hours!” said Erica, looking at Bill with furrowed brows. “Don't they know you're getting old?” She teased, and Bill gave her a look.

“Always as friendly,” he said, then gave her a hug as a hello.

“Congratulations, by the way,” said Erica with a smirk, and she patted his shoulder while he sat down between them. He gave Aurora a fast look to see if Erica congratulated him for the reason he thought, and when she gave him a small smile, he let his face burst out in a big smile.

“So I'm not that old yet.”

“No, the frozen ones in the fridge seemed to have worked,” teased Aurora, and Bill pinched her side in playful irritation. She laughed and then crawled closer to him.

“It will be great, and awesome. And Isis is becoming a big sister,” he said to Erica, who smiled back. They were grown ups now, all of them, and the age difference between them and Bill felt much smaller. He even felt younger than her ex, and he was ten years younger than him. Aurora had found the right guy that night in Rome.

“So how is it on set?”

“It's actually awful!” He grunted and unbuttoned his jeans, which sat tighter now that he had worked out so much. Neither Aurora nor Erica reacted to it. They were comfortable with each other. “I've hung over a “cliff” almost the whole day. The harness cut into my groin, and it probably looks like I have diaper rashes like Isis.”

The girls laughed, and Aurora gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Take a shower then. I’ll meet you in bed and can powder your rashes after. I will help Erica fix the guest room.”

Bill smirked and stood up with some struggle because of that pain in his groin, and the girls laughed again at his animated pain.

“We’ll see each other tomorrow then, Erica,” he said, giving her shoulder a squeeze.

He groaned loudly in the shower. His groin was actually red from the harness, and it stung when the water ran down. He was happy he would start later the next day and maybe be a bit pampered by Aurora, even if he felt his nether regions were a no-go zone for the moment.

In bed, he looked at his phone and opened the new messages on the screen. He looked at Sheilo’s name, surprised, and read the short message.

I hope you can sleep even if you have rashes from hell. See you tomorrow!

He looked at the message for a moment and couldn't really come up with anything to answer. It was a strange message, and it made a red flag wave in front of his vision. He read the message again and shook his head to himself. It was really nothing.

Goodnight :)

It was a short, friendly answer but also a way of showing he wasn't interested in writing messages, he thought. It felt like a good middle way, but still, it started to feel like something was growing in his belly. Something that itches more than the rashes. He didn't know what to do with the feeling, so when Aurora came into the room, he pretended to sleep. He didn't know why he did it, and it didn't make him feel better at all. Especially not when he had his phone pushed against his chest the whole night instead of her warm body.

#bill skarsgård #bill skarsgard #fan fiction #writing #story #bill skarsgård writing #bill skarsgård fanfiction #fiction #love just happens #lou

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