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mylancap1 · 6 months

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CINTA BERSEGI: SHAKIRA, BAKHTIAR'S LOVER (PART I)

Aku follow Shakira dari zaman dia secondary school. Masa tu aku dah nampak sinar untuk Shakira jadi star dalam dunia lancap lelaki. Dekat sekolah, dah ramai yang slowly pergi tandas dan imagine Shakira. Dari sekolah dia jenis yang fashionista & suka modelling, tapi dalam masa yang sama active & suka sport lelaki macam football, futsal, rugby etc. Ada kawan aku cakap dia pernah confess dia turn on dengan body sport man. Six pack, chest, butt, vein antara body part paling dia terangsang bila tengok.

Paling best, Shakira ni ada mixed blood India. Tapi dia tak cenderung nak ikut Indian blood sangat. Hanya libido yang dia ikut belah Indian. Dia ada high sex drive. Body dia more to Malay. Boobs dia aku letak kategori kecik. Cuma bila pakai push up, dia akan jadi fair sikit. Walaupun boobs kecik tapi ada benda lain yang Shakira power. Body cutting dia aku boleh letak hampir perfect. Slim dekat tengah, tinggi & nampak stylo.

Shakira memang cuma sedaya upaya show off tetek dia. Cuma memang naturally, boobs dia size kecik apa boleh buat. Any way, sebagai boobs lover aku boleh turn on dengan semua jenis boobs termasuk boobs kecik Shakira ni. Dia memang kategori kecik tapi solid nak mampus. Kalau dia mendada, memang auto dick aku menegang 100%. Puting dia jenis eraser style. Besar dan mengeras. Damn.

Bila dia tayang boobs, respons dick aku sangat cepat. Means Shakira ada something. Selalunya kalau girl yang tak ada aura sex, tayang banyak mana pun dick aku tetap layu. Aku rasa pakej Shakira ni datang dengan karakter dia yang sangat notty. Dia suka benda foreplay atau melibatkan lidah. Kissing, sucking, bj memang niche dia. Sebab tu kalau candid dia suka jelir lidah dia. Notty sial.

Kalau tak notty, macam mana dia boleh masturbate sambil layan football player. Paling dia turn on dengan Messi. Dia memang obses dengan Messi. Shakira pejam mata sambil bayangkan pelir Argentina yang berurat dan tak circumcised lenjan dia sampai Shakira cum berkali-kali. Memang dia hijabista yang high taste.

Dia sanggup tackle Bakhtiar dengan effort yang lama sampai 2 tahun. Masa tu habis segala aura sex keluar. Bakhtiar yang memang high libido jadi 1st person yang lenjan Shakira. Exploration bertambah, sexual journey pun lagi panjang. Shakira memang jenis layan kinky stuff. Jiwa dia hampir dengan Anna dalam 50 Shades of Grey. Dia akan minta partner make love dengan dia cara BDSM tapi bukan yang melampau. Blindfold, handcuff dan macam-macam lagi cara untuk Shakira mencapai orgasm level tinggi. Paling last, dia akan on top dan ride sepuas hati sampai dia kejang. Body dia akan menggigil dan shaking bila dah sampai big O.

Malangnya, Bakhtiar tinggalkan dia lepas ada penyondol yang igfemes jgk. Part ni yang best. Nanti aku story. Shakira frust dan mula tunjuk the true colors. Dia mula jadi lagi notty. Selama ni dia cover sexiness & aura sex dia. Kali ni, slowly dia berubah lepas putus. Shakira yang selama ni dikenali sebagai hijabista mula cabut hijab dia dan tayang seluruh body yang selama ni bertutup rapi. Nampak la segala curve dan lurah dendam.

Shakira dah mula tayang butt. You wanna do anal, Shakira? Ahhhhh... atau doggy sampai cum berkali-kali... shit!

Okay, Shakira dah start pergi party yang selalu celebs nakal dekat Malaysia join. So, yeahhhh dah dapat expect... go Shakira, please do more. Fuck you Shakira...

RATING

Face 6/10

Muka Shakira bukan kategori yang terlalu jelas nampak aura sex dia especially kalau waktu normal. Tapi bila Shakira show off macam dia jelir lidah, buat muka horny dia damnnn. Masa tu rating muka dia akan meningkat tinggi.

Boobs 7/10

Boobs dia kategori kecik. Sumpah aku cakap tak padan dengan mixed blood. Tapi kategori kecik Shakira bukan biasa-biasa. Bila dia dah mendada, dick aku akan tak keruan. Tegang dan takkan turun sampai la kena layan fapping. Sideboobs dia padu. Nampak jenis tegang dan mencanak ke atas boobs dia. Sekarang senang dah tengok sebab bila tak bertudung, hari-hari dia boleh belanja.

Butt 6/10

Tak banyak boleh aku cakap pasal butt dia sebab baru je semenjak dua ni dia show off. Tapi aku boleh review yang butt dia ada aset tersendiri. Butt dia bukan jenis tonggek dan lentik tapi melebar. Sapa yang butt lover akan faham apa aku cakap. Butt macam ni sesuai untuk spanking sampai merah. Dan one fine day, boleh penetrate untuk anal. Please belanja lagi your butt Shakira.

Body Cutting 8.5/10

Body cutting dia aku letak hampir perfect. Tak perfect tapi menghampiri. Pinggang dia yang slim dengan bontot lebar. Boobs pulak kategori kecik. Model luar negara suka body type macam ni. Dengan rambut panjang, kalau dia berani naked aku akan bagi markah 10/10. Sumpah.

Sexual Attractiveness 8.5/10

Aura sexual dia power. Nampak dia sangat notty dan akan goda partner dulu sebelum make love. Dia jenis yang tak suka rushing. Muka dia, acting dia boleh buat dick yang dah cum 3 round boleh tegak balik untuk kali ke 4. Expression muka yang dia buat tu paling mahal. Tak nampak fake tapi nampak obvious cara dia show off her sexiness. Dia akan suka passive action dulu masa 1st round. Means lelaki layan la dia dengan dominant. 2nd round dia akan mula ride partner sampai kejang.

Others

Dirty talk antara kelebihan Shakira. Memang specialist dapatkan lelaki sado & sport man. Bila dah dapat, baru body memainkan peranan.

OVERALL RATING

7.5/10

#shakira #reviewmylancap

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dancefloors · 2 years

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where's the harry's house unhinged ranking maam

alright this is longer than the other two combined but it's not my fault he is a madman. here we go

Matilda: was this necessary. was this necessary. Hey quick question was this necessary. I think we all know why this is number one and it's especially sickening that this ONE SINGULAR TIME in his career he chose not to be even a little vague in his lyrics, not one word minced. like did he really need to say "your family never showed you love" with his chest like that :/. second of all, writing a song about found family and DIY-ing clothes and growing up isolated and naming it after Matilda knowing his whole fanbase is made up of sentimental homosexuals and repressed eldest sisters WAS targetted behaviour. in second person too. he really said "YOU are gay and alone.. but it is okay ❤️".

Keep Driving: the already infamous choking/cocaine line, the science, the edibles, the bad-driving metaphor etc etc yes, ALL psychotic. but probably the most unhinged unnecessary part is the sickly sweet slap in the face that is "hashbrown, egg yolk, I will always love you" ambushing me with no forewarning. makes me want to jackhammer my head into the nearest wall until my skull is pulverised. why would you put a line like that in a song that is also about sideboob and then have the audacity to tell ME to "just act normal"?? you are preaching from hell.

Music for a Sushi Restaurant: he put his brain in a blender and then served it up. just absolutely saying whatever the fuck, not even trying to make sense, 50 different things going on at all times. like it's him in the studio reading a takeout menu over that Glee Club ba ba-ba acapella harmony, making a british pun about cocaine, hitting dog frequencies with those falsettos, pondering society if we could eat stars, and then proudly declaring he's not going to go broke as if anyone even asked. like okay..... music for a psych ward.

Little Freak: yeah he clearly walked into the studio dick first with this one but pensively somehow. talking about wet dreams but i feel like witnessing a slam poetry reading. philosophical horniness. Little Nietzsche.

Boyfriends: he had a simon and garfunkel beat, gay misandry in his heart, and a dream. doubly psychotic that this was conceived on the same day as the Fuck Straight People anthem that is Lights Up... he said heterosexuality it ain't me 🤣🙏 but you gay people are on thin ice too. (also let's not think too hard about "I'm not ever going back" / "you fool, you're back at it again"...... his mind is a saw trap)

Love of My Life: I do actually subscribe to the idea that this song is about England and not a person bc it makes it so funny. "you were the love of my life, will it ever be the same, I wish I knew you better"... brother it is a country. England unfortunately still exists. where is it going to go. you are so dramatic.

Cinema: never witnessed a more aquarian move than being in an intimate relationship with someone, sleeping in the same bed, going on late night drives, dancing, spending all your time with them and then after all that being like do you like me tho do you think im cool do you think im chill? then he spends the last 1 minute making a sex pun about popcorn.

As It Was: are we institutionalising ourselves or shaking ass like what is the energy here. why does this song about clinical depression make me want to do 15 consecutive cartwheels

Satellite: "am I bothering you do you wanna talk" to "I don't want to talk to you" within 60 seconds. if i said i want to talk then i didnt bc i dont. no i didnt <3

Daydreaming: yeah yeah a song about horny dreams what's new. the most insane part of it though is definitely the bass line like.... that is the bass line written by a man taken HOSTAGE. a man FIGHTING for his LIFE. convinced kid harpoon was in that studio with a gun to Harry's head, finger on the trigger and all. Like everytime I listen to this song I imagine him getting waterboarded because there's no other explanation.

Daylight: the insanity of sandwiching a song about riding bikes and sitting on roofs and finding life and bluebirds and honey between one about crippling loneliness and one about dangling wet dreams. be serious for once in your life harry.

Late Night Talking: funky little anthem but what do you mean "late night talking"? we all know ur geriatric ass is all tucked in by 9PM on the dot, Scrooge nightcap on and all. stayed up til 9:30 and wrote a whole song about it.

Grapejuice: mostly just toothache-inducingly sweet but sidenote: i truly despise being provided insight into his food/wine taste bc its always horrific and caucasian. genuinely enjoying red wine..? please stop. imagine you go over to this man's house and he's serving pile of boiled peas with some nasty ass shiraz to wash it down lord have mercy

(and hs1 and fine line ranked for ur displeasure)

#Sorry I had shit to say

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paperlovesadness · 1 year

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Something to rely on - Miles Kane song analysis

// From Coup De Grace - 2018 //

Okay - I need to start releasing my draft-posts into the world. I've had this sitting there for a while but wasn't convinced it's ready. I think I should just stop overanalyzing though so here goes.

We're here - another silly little subjective analysis of a Miles Kane song (geared towards how it could possibly maybe be about Alex? question mark question mark ??)

I was gonna do Adios Ta-Ra Ta-Ra first, but then I was listening to this album and this one just got stuck in my head and didn't wanna leave. So here we are (will do others too of course though).

Big disclaimer is: this is just one little personal interpretation done for fun and please don't take it too seriously.

Even I personally have more than one idea in my head about a lot of these lyrics and songs and what they could mean. I just choose one - the one most convincing to myself, one that sticks out to me the most and write it down for what it is in that moment in time.

I like sharing these because I'm curious if anyone else in the world finds some of my thoughts convincing - and if not - what they think these things mean instead! Honestly the thing I want most from these is feedback and potential conversations - be it in tag, reblog, reply, or message form. I love trying to figure songs out together! So please share your thoughts!

[Verse 1]

Crescent moon, left in my drive

All too soon, you made your point

Keeping off the radar, how does that make you feel?

The moon seems like a thing in the whole Miles/Alex "lore"

-> We've got that interview, where Alex jokes around about them missing each other while on tour, looking at the moon, wondering what the other's doing.

-> There's the "He moves the moon that kid" quote from Alex when introcuding Miles during an AM gig.

-> "I'm Alex from the lash shadow puppets and I play the awhooo [interviewer Cat - so you're a wolf. Cool] // And I'm Miles from the Last Shadow Puppets and I play the midnight moon".

-> The moon is also ofc associated with Alex himself due to TBHC and the fact he 's stated that he's intereted in space overall

other things maybe worth noting?

* "Kiss me underneath the moon's sideboob" [AM - TBH+C]

* The Ultracheese. The whole song. The title being a cheesy [hehe] metaphor for the moon

* "Crawling through like midnight panthers

Growling at the moon" [ MK - First of my kind]

* Paraselene woman, I'm your man in the moon [Alex Turner, Glass in the Park]

All that to say... We've got another moon here and maybe that's done on purpose.

This one is crescent - seems like a sad metaphor. Crescent moons can symbolize either the beginning or the end of something. "Left in my drive" is giving me very much breakup vibes. Something left behind on the way out of your home/life.

There's nothing much left of the moon that they perhaps shared as "their thing".

Keeping off the radar - a thing that Alex very much does - not one for social media or a public presence at all if he can help it. Here - maybe also direct ghosting is invloved after a breakup or fight - whataver went on.

[Chorus 1]

Something to rely on

Something to get high on

Miles has had enough of the push-and-pull of the relationship. He wants something he can actually rely on. Something that'll bring him the pure joy love is supposed to bring - a high.

Miles also references a high/getting high together in other songs - like in "Wrong side of life" (the song he says is about the person who he broke up with/the one he's wrote most of the CDG album about + incidentally a song he apparently dedicated to Alex during a gig he was at) he writes about wanting to get high with you.

So i feel like we have a doube meaning - the high of love/and actually getting high.

(something - let's be honest - that is obvious Miles and Alex did once or twice during the EYCTE era)

I don't want to beg or steal, I don't want to borrow hearts

Another clue to the fact that the relationship was an on-and-off / push-and-pull / hot-and-cold thing. Maybe even an affair. Maybe just open or perhaps simply casual - but Miles doesn't want it to be just that.

He doesn't want to beg for the persons love and full attention.

Doesn't want to share them with anyone - have to steal them away from the person they officially "belong" to.

He doesn't want to have them sometimes - a heart borrowed for the day' when it's convenient. He wants to own the person's heart and in return be theirs fully too.

I just want to make it real

Something to rely on

Confirmation for the theory above. He wants it to be a real full-on relationship, not whatever it has been and has obviously not been enough for him.

The making of a mystery, wishing on a falling star

I don't want to let this sadness rule my heart

He knows he can't take it anymore - his heart is at stake and it's hurting. Whatever the relationship is offering isn't satisfying him and the sadness that brings is taking over his life. He has to put an end to it for his own good - but he still loves the person. He'd like to be able to rely on them. He wants to wish on a falling star for this to work out. (more space related things?)

[Verse 2]

Keeping it clean, through all the things you wanted me to be

Out of touch, with all the rumors I keep hearing of you

Keeping off the radar, how does that make you feel?

Keeping it clean is a confusing metaphor - It brings to mind images of staying clean - so drugs/alcohol. But that doesn't personally makes sense to me in this context.

I'd go towards keeping their image clean. This relationship - whatever it was - was a secret. That seems like something mostly the other person wanted - not ready to fully commit. They wanted Miles to be a secret / a friend with benefits maybe / something without a label perhaps, when Miles was all in and ready for the real deal with them.

He needs to seperate himself (be out of touch) from the rumours about this person who broke his heart // perhaps the rumours inevitably make their way towards him, because this person is a well-known public figure, often gossiped about. And associated with Miles closely - so he keeps hearing about them even though he'd like not to know what goes on in his life post their fall out. <- that's assuming the lyrics are from the "now" perspective; post-heartbreak.

But it can also mean that they had an actual relationship - but it was kept secret - something initiated by the other person, not Miles.

Miles kept the rules - kept their image clean, kept it all a secret. But that meant having to deal with rumours about the other person being with other people.

In this context "Keeping off the radar, how does that make you feel?" can also refer to the relationship. He's asking the person - keeping us secret - how does that make you feel?

[chorus 2 / ending]

The making of a mystery, wishing on a falling star

I don't want to let this sadness rule my heart

Your actions from the start

In spite of me insightfully inviting me to fall apart

This person was doing more-than-friend things with Miles and suggesting a possible something-more from the very start - when they first met. Their actions clearly invited him to fall for them and then in turn fall apart from the heartache that it caused in the end.

Miles may have known it's a bad idea (in spite of me) but coudn't keep himself from falling anyway. The person was super close to him, understood him well (insightfully inviting me) - which made falling all the more easy.

[Bridge]

All aboard the guilt train

Last call before we leave

First off - makes me recall the "All aboard the Kane train" thing Alex once said during a TLSP gig. May be a coincidence - may not be.

Secondly - Miles seems to feel guilty for the way things went - but he believes both sides should take the blame.

Last call before we learn to love

The last before we leave

(And here we collectively fall apart)

"Last call before we learn to love" seems to me to imply that it's the time to take accountability for their mistakes in this relationship so that they can move on and form other ones ina healthy way? [maybe] BUT-

if so, I still believe this is Miles being freshly hurt by the hearbreak. There are contradictory statements about this love he's lost on the album (and I believe some more on the next one). It doesn't really seem like he's given up on them and their bond.

Even here

You're all that I wanted

All that I need

You're all that I wanted

You're all that I need

at the end of the song we get "wanted" in past tense but "need" in the present.

So doesn't truly seem like giving up on the person and their true shared feelings.

#Miles Kane #miles kane and alex turner #Coup de Grace #Lyric theories #Lyric analysis #Song theories #My posts

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twopoppies · 2 years

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This is gonna be a long one so strap in 😂 tbh ive been a tad apprehensive today about going purely cause of what ive seen in Twitter (and we all know its bullshit but it sent my anxiety reeling). this probably isnt exclusive to harry but the people around me standing werent super friendly (i say this off the back of mcr in which you buddied up with the people around you in an instant for mosh pit safety) but we move - this soon changed and i found friends (going solo can be tricky) but there were still some bad vibes. i got to the venue literally as doors opened so ended up at the back (which for Brixton is still very good)

The pre show playlist is VERY one direction heavy. H is lierally the biggest fan.

cannot even begin to describe how good he was, the crowd were insane and there was a moment during little freak where he genuinely looked surprised at how many people knew the words. Matilda made me sob but whats new there, especially when he prefaced it by saying we had to make sure we loved ourselves.

mitch literally hid in the darkness when harry talked about writing sings with him - this poor man just wanta to play guitar in peace bless him

anne was there and he apologised for some of the lyrics he was singing including cocaine, sideboob choke her with a sea view

before boyfriend's he read out a sign from a girl whose boyfriend had slept with her best friend. safe to say some strong words were said - this is a family show.....or is it 😂

love of my life was beautiful - i have no words

had lil break which was nice and they whacked the ac up which cooled us all off.

adore you and watermelon sugar wete epic as always - he said something about it being to do with oral sex (i may have misheard) - there was also some very vulgar signs toward the front that people held up during 😡

his rendition of wmyb is interesting? im not sure how i feel but i had a great time anywho. Ended on kiwi and my god his lil dancey dances ate adorable, he made sure to baptise the first few rows at least (if not more) with water.

it was amazing, i cant wait till june and it felt so intimate to be in such a small venue - it didnt feel like he was hartd styles the household name, it felt mire like we'd all popped in for a lil sing song 🥺

Apologies for the trash photos 😭

Ahhhhh! It sounds like a great show!! Sorry about the bitchy people at the beginning though. And yeah, I heard he said something about oral sex. 🙄 I cannot believe people brought vulgar signs to such a small venue. With his mother there, on top of it. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Anyway, sounds like you had so much fun. Thank you for the update!!

#ono london #fan reports

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natto-axolotl · 2 years

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idk if u still do this anymore but do u have anymore brawlhalla hcs to share? special for Ember, Dusk, & Jaeyun? haha if u don’t just ignore this ask

ahh sorry for getting to this so late!!! and i always have hcs i just dont have a good place to share em wkdnbdkwn (readmore cause it got too long HAHA)

Ember

she's deeply empathetic, and also a great problem solver!!! a miracle worker when it comes to defusing conflict. now if only that would work on whatever the hell diana and mordex have

eats trail mix, has not been able to shake the habit of sporadic snacking in lieu of actual meals

T A L L (stolen from someone on twitter)

doesn't 100% forgive nor blame dusk. due to (in my hcs) being left at the fangwild's mercy as its guardian since she was 7, ember knows only bits about the conflict between the aesir and the elves, so to her dusk just kinda jumped out of the blue all riled up. after learning about his background it somewhat mitigates her righteous anger at Being Killed, and all that

has a sort of 6th sense when it comes to distortions in the fabric of the universe (having lived in one her whole life)

semicanon but does recurve archery!!!

good with a knife and knowledgable about hunting, neither picky with her food nor squeamish about live slaughter

can and will eat bugs

dumbest stunt done post-death is probably trying to hookshot using diana's bow and falling

fairly uninvolved with the gossip mill of the tournament, only tunes in if it's relevant to her desire to go home or if ragnir and the rest of the fangwild gang are also involved

sees ragnir as a brother, dusk as a mildly annoying but fun companion at best and asshole at worst, and arcadia as a peer and weirdly enough, a teacher (despite arcadia technically being her junior)

fangies (bmg fight me on this)

eager to learn about novel technology but often can't seem to find a use for it. and then someone got her into photography

lots of scars, but the permanent one that killed her is a bruise on her chest, in a swirl the same shape as the one on dusk's orb

val, mordex and dusk are the people she dislikes the most

dusk

let's get it out of the way, there's a lot wrong with this man but the most pressing one is that he has a frankly bruised beyond repair ego and that's what makes him so insufferable

high metabolism and abuses it to the point where he has drank nothing but coffee once and. paid the price dearly!!!

also related, but faints and gets dizzy easily due to the whole "in prison for 400+ years" shtick. grody scars as well

easier to say who he likes than who he doesn't. tolerates ember, tries to actively avoid arcadia, will draw blood over simple conversation with ragnir. him and ulgrim have bitter, bitter emotions between each other.

would be heavily susceptible to victor frankenstein's entire story arc

tolerates hanging around the "evil" legends, but everyone there knows that they don't really like each other and are just using other people to further their own goals. miserable people all the way down!!!

was not aware of how sexy his sideboob was until someone pointed it out after he died.

is generally unaware he's considered attractive. styles his hair like this out of habit not because it makes him look like a bad boy type

regards kor with a weird mix of pride, disgust, shame, hope, and genuine love. kor's basically his son, but he's also a machine of war that was designed for one goal, which it failed, and that technically makes kor defective. but dusk can't really bring himself to call kor that, not when he's found his niche.

has tried to take val apart multiple times. in an alternate universe (maybe after the world ends) dusk would've ended up in robotics

before his imprisonment, dusk's hair was long and worn in a variety of styles. now it's too short to be braided with practicality in mind.

his orb doubles as a massage gun, bluetooth speaker, hot water bottle, keyboard, night light, morse signaler, and metal detector, among other things. think nautica's wrench from mtmte, and he's always adding more shit to it.

dumbest stunt was openly shittalking thor when he joined the tournament and registered with orb. dusk had to be picked out of the cracked concrete for the next 5 days.

wrists are pretty fucked from 200+ years id manacles, and the Killing Scar is a cut running from dusk's collarbone to his left thigh, left by orma (arcadia's sword)

hss taken to baking (much to kaya, cassidy and zariel's glee). secretly finds it enjoyable. don't tell anyone.

once drank so much coffee he died from a heart attack

knowledgable on older asgardian legislature, history and culture, which gets him the affectionate title of nerd

prev hc ties into a bigger hc where nix and Asgard are locked in a legal battle to see if they can loophole a way for the reaper to safely reao nai, whereas asgard wants to stress and strengthen the pan-pantheon protection it has in its einherjar. like legally blonde but with dead people and 1 blonde

likes seasoned porridge. still working uo spice tolerance, he ate something too pungent and started crying.

ignores the rumor mill as much as possible. if it were up to dusk the only thing he would like to hear about is the intrinsic working of the divintiy of asgard, but instead he gets hot goss abour whether or not two people are snogging.

Jaeyun

actually not too great of a person. if we're looking at it practically, makes sense as he's a merc, he's gotta be able to take any job for some cash. and he has murdered or attempted to before???

was once part of the civil service before calling it quits and becoming a soldier. not as good at law and boring bureaucratic work as some other legends, but knows the basics and would like Not to go back, please!!!

knows a fair bit of ambient magic manipulation, but nothing bigger than moving rocks and creating wind.

one of the most prolific betters among the legends and almost perpetually broke. do not let him find out about gacha games.

high wis low int. clever as hell but can be dumb as balls.

due to his habit of taking odd jobs jaeyun knows random bits of knowledge and is a very empathetic person; after you've seen so much you start to find patterns and bright spots in the lives of people around you, big or small

looooves grilled and street food: cheap, easy to eat on the go, filling, and flavorful. sundae with tteokbokki after a long day of work is jaeyun's ideal of a comfort meal.

jajeongmyeon might not have been introduced when jaeyun was alive but you bet your ass he loves it when he finds it in valhalla

prolific tax evader and embezzler in life, will take ur mammoth coins after dying

compared to dusk and ember jaeyun is not hung up about being dead at all. it's a natural part of life, and though he is a bit sad the fact that he's done so much in kife to be considered notable for valhalla is enough to keep him happy.

a decent bargainer and reasonably charismatic. not as good as mordex or Caspian, but he does have a definite pull to his personality that you can't help but overlook his war crimes and bad money habits for

hates cats. terrified of asuri. thinks butterscotch is secretly helping fait as part of a greater coalition of cats against him.

very awkward with Jiro like "heyyy howsit been since i tried to kill you" awkward

hes Big and its not just all muscle im sick and tired of people drawing him skinny. LET JAEYUN BE CHUBBY

has tried to snowboard on his sword. fell, broke his nose, stayed inside the rest of the day

embezzles out of habit, not the worst liar bit he does jump to half-true coverups most of the time

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wellthatwasaletdown · 3 months

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Mr. Cocaine Sideboob brags about using drugs in his interviews and his songs, but sure, it's just for creativity.

Nooo, mod! He’s such a smart, creative, intellectual man. He always reads books, learns different languages, loves art, going to museums...what are you talking about? He’s the best human being on earth. 😉

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snaxle · 5 months

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okay i’ve only watched the first few episodes of one piece so i didn’t know who yamato was and now i think i love him. no clue what his deal is just love that there’s a transmasc character like me in any piece of media. i took a glance at his wiki page and i kind of love that there’s art of his sideboob as a person and it’s just like, a round little man

YEAA he doesnt show up until i think past episode 900 *cries* but it's so nice constantly seeing a transmasc character in media, especially since a lot of other op fans seem to agree that he's very well written, especially compared to other canonically queer characters in the show. im only past episode 600 so im absolutely nowhere near whenever he shows up, but i constantly see fanart for him and it makes me so happy fdhflsdj

#asks #anon

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capecodcore · 1 year

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Fleishman Is in Trouble

Fleishman Is in Trouble by Taffy Brodesser-Akner

Better than memories's review: 4/5

I liked this book way more than I thought I would. Typically a novel centered on a middle-aged man in obsessive pursuit of sex, spouting an internal monologue of “face face face ass crack tongue sideboob face,” would make me want to vomit onto my bedsheets and give up on reading forever, but… but there was something about the characters, the pacing, and the narrative voice that made it so readable and emotionally authentic.

I have never been married and have 0 understanding of the subjective experience of being married, but the author dissects “marriage as a thing” like it’s the diseased liver of one of Toby Fleishman’s patients, and now I feel like kind of an expert? I think my main life takeaway from the book was: do not marry someone who doesn't have the capacity for unconditional love for you specifically. But then again I guess the whole point of the book was that you can’t always really predict whether a marriage will collapse and why, and it’s far easier (but not actually EASY) to diagnose problems in retrospect than it is to identify them before they blow up.

I see some people have complained about the Trojan-horse feminist deuteragonist narrative, but it worked really well for me. I also see people lamenting that the characters are so UNLIKEABLE and UNSYMPATHETIC and to that I can only say, um, why are you reading fiction? I would 1000% rather read a novel about assholes (even wealthy, self-absorbed, unrelatable UWS assholes) than one about perfectly likeable people.

#goodreads

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dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram · 2 years

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Oh my lord! He is actually calling out that behavior… the song is an evolution from what life was at the beginning, introducing a harder game with time and ending in this concerning level in which he witnessed that situation or that metaphor… choke someone with a sea view seem to me to be closer to have someone on a leash (subdued) at the time they are distracting them with vacation or aome sort of “priviledged” experience.

If people prefer to make this about Olivia or love just because instead of listening to the real meaning here that’s on them.

If you're going to make such an absurd claim, I'd like at least a little bit of effort into what about the text makes you so sure he's 'calling out'. Is he also calling out 'sideboob' and 'cocaine'?

I agree that he could have meant metaphorical choking. I'm unsure why he felt the need to choke a woman, as opposed to a man, in this metaphor. I also don't think the metaphor you propose at all. What would it mean to choke people with a vacation? How could luxury violently deprive someone of air? Most metaphors that I understand are based on the idea that nice things might render someone immobile (like golden handcuffs).

I will repeat - neither you or I know the real meaning. You have a meaning you like. I don't care about particular meanings, because I am not tolerant of this level of ambiguity when it comes to discussions of choking women.

#Other people are welcome to take their pick #but there is not enough surrounding textual evidence of what he means #and most of the explanations people put up #do not make me like the line any more

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amostimprobabledream · 3 years

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Hi, hi! If you're open for Jujutsu Kaisen requests, could I please ask for Toji, Gojo, and Sukuna (in any way, shape, or form) reacting to their S/O teasing them by deliberately getting their ~attention~ then playing it off? Like bending down in front of them to "pick something up" then walking away XD 👀

Toji: - Toji is not a stupid man. He knows exactly what you're doing - not much escapes those keen senses of his.

- Thing is, Toji is a hunter at heart and he knows he has options to explore. Should he go find you and rail you into next week for being a little tease? Or should he wait it out, knowing you're just as hot for him, knowing you can't resist his dick for long.

- If it's the latter, he'll tease you back. Lounging around without a shirt on, suddenly feeling the need to 'do pushups' and getting all sweaty, and generally being hot. He knows you'll be begging him to fuck you.

- But, if Toji's in the mood first and you showing off your sideboob set him off? - He won't let you play dumb. He simply takes what he wants, usually by striding up to you, picking you up and chucking you over his very well-toned shoulder and striding towards wherever the nearest available horizontal surface is, slapping your ass hard enough to make you squeal.

- Hope you didn't have any plans for the rest of the day. ;) Gojo:

-Gojo LOVES this game!

- Generally he's pretty shameless about the way he acts in public - when you're as powerful as he is, why bother paying attention to little things like social conventions or respecting your elders? He doesn't!

- He'll see you bend over so you flash your underwear and walk away like nothing happened and the street is pierced by his wolf-whistle.

- "Oooh! Nice panties you have on today, baby! I love that colour on you!"

- Gojo will sometimes come up to you in public and start hitting on you outrageously as if he's never met you before, asking you to come to dinner with him and being utterly shameless. If you're getting him hot and bothered he just dials up the sexual innuendo until you're a blushing mess.

- He'll squeeze your thighs under the table, long fingers creeping closer and closer to your crotch and watching you wriggle. Sukuna: - Are you asking to have your pelvis broken? Because this is how you go about getting your pelvis broken.

- You have to have a special relationship with Sukuna to attempt this, because this man doesn't really do things by half measures. Like, at all.

- Sukuna is another one who doesn't let you play it off. If he thinks you're teasing him intentionally - or if you tease him at all - you're going to pay the penalty for riling up the King of Curses. And he's shameless too, he'd probably fuck you live onstage if he wanted to.

- He doesn't care if you're embarrassed, he doesn't care people are watching. All the better so that everyone knows exactly who you belong to.

- Expect to be kept in his domain or wherever he's currently staying for a while - not like you'll be able to walk after the fuck-a-thon he'll put you through, but he likes reminding you that good pets stay home when their masters tell them to. But don't worry, he'll keep you very much entertained~

#Toji Fushiguro #Gojo Satoru #Sukuna Ryomen #Jujutsu Kaisen #JJK #Reader Insert #Tojo x Reader #Gojo x Reader #Sukuna x Reader #JJK x Reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #Headcanons

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sashi-ya · 3 years

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Hi!! I just want to say that you're awesome and I love everything you write 💖 I would like to request a scenario with Yamato and female reader who has the same role as Hiyori, so reader is the daughter of Oden and Yamato son of Kaido... Normally they should be enemies but they are very attracted to each other. I hope this made sense 😇 with 14, 23, 45 from the spicy list and everything you want please! Thank you Sashi, take care! Sending you a hug ( ˘ ³˘)

Hi!! OMG of course!! This is my first time writing for him so I hope I get it right ♥ I love Yamato so much 🙈🙈🙈 I hope you enjoy this little (not so little) scenario darling!! Thank u for your cute words! ♥

NSFW ~ Yamato x F! Reader ~ Play That Melody For Me ~ [PART 1]

TW: HE/HIM pronouns used for Yamato (as it should be). Nipple play, oral sex, toys (strap on), face sitting, usage of alcohol, wet dreams.

WC: 1.9K

Tag list: @undercoverweeeb @mistyroselove @onepieceya (tagging you because you love Yamato :3)

There is a second part for this fic, read it here ♥

“My dear Tayu, Yamato, Son of Kaido is here” one of your helpers announces from behind the folding screen. The shadow of a tall man awaits you outside. “Son of Kaido, tch” you grunt, tightening the knot of your kimono strap around your waist...

You open the folds to appreciate your next “client”. There he is, long white hair, taller than anyone there, strong arms. You scan his whole body, from up and down. He smiles at you, yellow intense eyes fixed on yours.

“Please, come in” you tell him. He follows you inside. “Take a seat” you command. Yamato sits over a few cushions, crossing his legs. He ties his hair up in a ponytail, and when he does so, his clothes show a sideboob that it’s impossible for you to ignore.

“So, Mr. Yamato, what service would you like?” you ask him, trying to end this situation as soon as possible. The white haired man looks at you and smiles kindly. “Please, call me Oden”, he says.

You gasp and shut your eyes… Your blood boils. “Oden? Oden is my father and your bastard father killed him” you think and avoid shouting it by biting the inside of your mouth. Yamato notices your lack of words, and probably the fire in your eyes.

“Are you ok?” he asks. You shake your head, fighting between jumping and stabbing the man in front of you, or simply accepting his request. If you ever tell him the truth -especially to him-, Denjiro and you would have wasted almost twenty years and the plan to take down Kaido would be ruined.

“Ok, Oden... Tell me then, what’s the service?” you ask him again, choking back tears as you pronounce your dad’s name. He tilts his head and stands up. Yamato approaches you, brushing soft, slender fingers over your cheek. He lifts your chin up and stares into your soul for sure. “I don’t think you are ok right now; I will come back tomorrow” he says. You notice the gold shackles around his wrists and wonder why Kaido’s son has them.

You nod, out of words. You’d lie if you don’t find Yamato, not only intimidating, but also handsome as hell. The man that dares to act like your father leaves the room, but not before flashing you a sexy smile. His huge anatomy, then, disappears as he slides the paperlike door close.

Your legs turn weak, and you fall to the ground. Your knees hit the wooden floor under them, but it doesn’t hurt. Your heart does. “Why… Why me?” you say as warm tears run down your face.

Night comes, and you flop into bed, exhausted. You watch a bright half-moon shining on the dark blue sky of the night through the window. Sakura flowers falling like snow, dancing with the warm breeze of that summer, summer number nineteen… you only have to wait for the next summer… Mum's promise… Your eyelids fall and you slowly travel to the oneiric world.

Images of the despicable son of Kaido over you, his hands on your body. Cold metal feeling over your skin as his shackles rub your flesh. Your fingers tangled around white strands of hair. Your breathing accelerated.

You suddenly open your eyes. Panting, you only realized this was just a dream. “Just… a… dream…” you reassure yourself. Yet, your inner thighs feel wet. Your skin burns, your cheeks too. Heartbeats you can hear. Aroused.

Your fingers travel from your naked belly towards your underwear. You feel how wet that dream has made you. But quickly guilt hits you, hard. “What are you doing, (name)?” you say to yourself, taking your hand off your core. “He is your enemy, stop” ...

---

“Mrs. Oiran… good morning!” a little pink haired girl wakes you up. She greets you with a big smile, laughing as always. “My darling!!” you say and snatch the little bean into your arms. You hug her, you love the little girl. “(Name)! Someone sent you something today! Hahaha” she informs you. “Oh, really? What is it?” you ask. The little girl stands up and runs towards a box decorated with the finest rice paper and some flowers. “Here! Open it!” she says.

The box holds a note that says, “I want you to play the "Tsukihime" melody for me today”. Tears sprout from your eyes, blurring your vision. Inside there is a new Shamisen. And despite being brand new, it looks exactly the same as the one she used to play when she was a little girl. The one that your father, Oden, gifted to you. The one that got burned when his father burned the castle. You hated the man with burning passion. Why does he have to call himself like your dad, why did he have to give you that exact same shamisen as a present… Why from all the songs in the world, he had to choose your father’s favourite melody?... Why does he have to be so handsome?...

And the afternoon is here, and he is too. Again the shadow of your enemy. He is there, behind the paper folding screen, waiting for you… You look through your window, Kyoshiro -Denjiro- looks up to you from the entrance of the Okiya. His sleepy eyes beg for you to bear with it just a little longer. He knows how difficult this is for you, he really knows.

The voice of that man pulls you out from the unspoken connection you have with your friend and protector. You don’t turn around; you just move your head to your shoulder. You feel him approaching you. “Did you like my gift?” he asks, whispering softly near your ear. It’s insane how much his simple presence can make you weak, confused, aroused.

“I did, thank you my Sir” you lie. “Please, play that song for me” he asks. You turn around, looking up at his face. He looks at you, fixing once again his golden eyes on yours. The tension between your bodies is so strong, your skin burning.

You take your gaze off him, grab the instrument, and sit on your turquoise cushion. He does the same in front of you. Your skilled fingers start playing the cords, the melody from your childhood resonates all around the room. Yamato enjoys the notes of such beautiful song. “I wanted to hear this for so long… it is just amazing” he says, as if it was the first time, he was hearing the melody…

Soon, the melody stops. You wait for him to speak, but he doesn’t. So you take the lead. “So.. Do you want me to play another song?” you ask. But he is lost in your body. Yamato approaches you; his soft thumb grazes your lip. You gasp, something feels fancier on your core. Yet, you take your head off to the side. He is your enemy, how are you supposed to be with the son of the man that killed your dad?... but your thoughts got interrupted…

Yamato grabbed your chin and aligned it with his mouth. Soft tender lips over yours, his tongue separating yours. You can’t resist, you don’t want to resist. You want him…

Gently, your back hits the cushion. Yamato straddling over you, white strands of hair falling on each side of your face. The sound of the cuffs he has on his wrists hitting the wooden floor around you.

Lustful sights on each other, your hands travel through his back. He kisses you again, your tongues dance around. His hand little by little sliding the side of your kimono off, until your breasts get completely exposed to him.

Yamato’s mouth traces a path from your lips to your neck, and then lowering until it reaches your breasts. His hands squeeze gently the flesh of your tits, his lips rub your hard nipples. You moan, feeling a mix of lust and guilt, but you don’t stop him.

The son of Kaido deliciously sucks your sensitive nipples, he nibbles and pulls from them. You squirm at the sensation; the pleasure he makes you feel slowly fades the hate…

Yamato stretches his arm to reach for the sakazuki of sake you have served on the side. He lets the alcohol drip over your chest. The cold drops of it make your skin react with little spasms. Your lover licks every drop from your chest, the dry taste of the sake mixed with your skin makes Yamato relish at such a delicious flavour.

His lips lowers and lowers, until they get to your belly button. He traces a circle around it, you whine and extend your arm. Your fingers around his long hair. He grunts. His tongue finally gets to your core.

“I love your taste” he mumbles. You just babble in response, as his skilful tongue makes wonders with your sex. “So tasty, so wet” ...

Your inner thighs get bruised with the horns of his head, as your legs try to close due to the intense stimulation. But that’s not enough, not for him, not for you.

On the verge of an orgasm, Yamato stands up. He walks towards his bag and brings a strap on. Black phallic figure that hangs from a red string. Red string that he quickly ties around his hip bones after letting his clothes slide to the ground.

You wait for him to pound into you with your legs spread open and your eyes scanning such an amazing body. You call him with a beckoning finger. He smiles, sexily and approaches you.

The cold material of the strap on gets damped in your arousal, as he rubs it up and down your sex. “Yamato, fuck me” you beg. He flinches at that name but doesn’t pressure you to call him Oden… and then, he penetrates you, sliding inside, so deep, and steady.

Your nails carve the skin of his back, his breasts fall over your face as he thrusts you. Your tongue stuck out grazing his nipples. Both of you moan, whine, enjoy.

And your orgasm inevitably arrives, and you come shouting his name. Your head thrown back; your mandible hurts from sucking his hard nipples. And even if you were exhausted, there is no time to waste. Is Yamato’s turn to come, and you are an expert in such practices.

“Why don’t you sit on my face?” you command him. “Are you sure?” he asks, aware of his huge anatomy. “Please, I wanna get suffocated under those thighs” you tell him, and he does not think any further. Soon his sex is over your mouth, and you enjoy every single part of his core. You suck, lick, taste his arousal, until Yamato comes squirming over your countenance.

Both of you lay over the cushions on the floor, admiring the sakura petals rain over the city through the window. He caresses your body, and softly tells you “I’m sorry if I asked you to call me Oden…”. You don’t really understand why he says such a thing… Does he know who you are? “What do you mean?” you ask. “I know who you are, (name)” he whispers, low enough for just you to hear it.

You stand up, scared. “How… how do you know my name?” you tell him. “I have your dad’s diary… that’s why I asked the only person that knows how to play that melody to do it for me… I’m on your side, Princess..." ♥ ~

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scalproie · 2 years

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And finally... mk11. Also let me preface by saying that I will only do the main three outfits because if I did all of them I would be here for two days. Anyway

Mortal Kombat 11

This is it baby, this is the outfit that made me want to do that whole thing in the first place. Man. Okay first things first that hood is everything. Theres just something about it. The mask is missing something like an additional color in my opinion but the way it goes so well with the form of the face and with the hood negate that fact. Normally I would say I wouldve liked more skull or scorpion imagery but this isnt technically scorpy, this is Hanzo, so Im fine with it in this case. Plus theres a scorpion's sting on the red loincloth. And by the way I love that he incorporated red in this outfit, it also just goes so well with the yellow. It also has some traditional elements? Like the cords? Also he has pretty eyes and eyebrows and eyelashes. And finally the sideboob is so real. 10/10. *mwah*

Here's Scorpion who fixes the potential problem I had above by having that dear old skull belt. It's a simpler design, but I like it a lot, I really really like how they did the shoulder era but my favorite part might be how the yellow line on the thighs and the yellow loincloth compliment each other. I miss the hood but I realize that this is the best way to have that klassic look, the mask feels like fabric and not metal but in my opinion it looks for the best here, this is a good design to call back the old ones. there's even my black lines. who are black blocks here. 9/10, also young scorpy look really cute and its all in the eyes, thank you Mr. Millado.

Grandmaster Hasashi gets an instant 10/10. He turned the ponytail into a cute bun, which looks good now with his lack of headband (while sub zero mysteriously gained one). And what can I say, Im not immune to pretty people. 💛🦂💛

#so yeah this was without surprise #tagging later #scorpion's fashion show

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lovelykhaleesiii · 3 years

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Summer

HEADCANON

PAIRING: Tom Holland x fem!Reader

Words: 1021

Summary: Tom has become fed up with not having time to spend with you, he takes matters into his own hand... A holiday has been long overdue.

Warnings: fluff, mentions of smutty behaviour, swearing.

A/N - LMAO it’s been a minute. enjoy xx

Tom had been planning a summer getaway to Barcelona since he began to notice the distress you’d been experiencing from the chaos of work.

You both hardly had time for each other, and in the rare occasions that you did, you both were exhausted and planned nothing than to stay in bed.

Sex wasn’t even possible, which sucked ass.

Some time away was something that you both desperately needed, and Tom had been arranging without your knowledge... A surprise for his soulmate, as he justified.

You’d been together for 3 years, having met through a mutual friend. Tom was the one to notice you and essentially, made the first move.

“Ugh, Tom Holland just messaged me Y/F/N, what the actual fuck...” And from there the relationship blossomed into what it is today.

After Tom breaking the news of this vacation, you’d initially laughed it off thinking it was another one of his “uncalled jokes”, brushing off the fact that you hadn’t even mentioned a holiday to your employer.

“Tom babe, don’t be silly. Not right now, you know I can’t just drop and leave everything!”

At this point after the many long, loving years with Tom, you still failed to realise that he was always a few steps ahead of you, and you loved him for it.

“Darling, when I tell you I’ve sorted everything, I mean everything. I talked to Rebecca and she was more than happy to give you time off, after all the running around you’ve been doing. So shall we get a move on with the packing!”

Touching down the runway was surreal, although actually arriving to the beach side was divine. The salty air of the sea filled you as you took a deep breath of the fresh air. No stress, no worries in sight.

“Come darling I’ve got a few more surprises for you...”

Undoubtedly, Tom knew his fans would come running to wherever they’d find him. A few had already caught you two at the pier awaiting for the yacht Tom had arranged.

You encouraged Tom to meet and greet the fans, take photos, despite him repeatedly explaining that his time during this vacation would be devoted to only you.

Although, you never wanted to be the reason for Tom to exclude his fans.

Finally having the boat to yourselves, secluded out in the ocean, the distant coast surrounding you, could you finally immerse yourself in Tom’s complete attention.

You had to admit, Tom was looking real good lately. You knew he had an upcoming film, and most of the time during these few months was preocccupied with him preparing to “bulk up.” And after all this time, you hadn’t had the chance to see the results for yourself.

Especially in the cyan shorts, every muscle was exposed. From his arm, chest right down to his legs. He’d gotten massive, and quite impressively in a short amount of time.

It was habit for Tom to become self-conscious whenever he did need to bulk for a film. However you made certain that was avoided and persuaded him to feel confident despite the changes to his body.

However right now, you were living for his thunder thighs. Tom was very much into you riding him out, dry humping the fuck out of him... And with his current thighs, you were about to have even more fun.

And his hair had grown out even more. His luscious, brown locks pushed back especially, was a look you’d definitely rooted for.

Right now, this man is a GOD to you.

“Look at you babe, you’re a completely different person now,” You smirked, with literal heart eyes, just gazing upon every inch of his muscular body.

“Have you only just realised now, darling?” Tom laughed, as he laid himself beside you, his thick arm wrapping its way around your neck.

In return, it had been months since Tom saw you even semi-naked. You were either in work attire or pajamas. Yet now seeing you in the navy one-piece swimsuit, the man was about to risk it all. The way the suit clung so tightly to you the shape of your body, defining every curve and crevice that he found so desirable. He’d just stop and stare hungrily at you, with the cheekiest grin on his face.

You even caught the man licking his lips, as if he were about to devour you then and there, no hesitation whatsoever... Not like he hasn't done it before, its just been a while since you'd been intimate with one another.

He was craving you badly, he sat himself partially upright, one arm still clung around you loosely, and the other gripping your waist, as you laid beneath him.

You could feel his rough hand stroking your side, making its way up to your sideboob, which just so happened to be subtly peaking through.

Cheeky Tom... He was the one that picked out the swimsuit for you, and he knew exactly what he was doing.

“You look sexy as hell, Y/N... God how I’ve missed our special moments, baby.”

His lips immediately met with your hot skin. Small, wet kisses forming a trail from your neck heading into the direction of your peaking breast, a cleavage exposed through the swimsuit. You could feel goosebumps forming, and couldn’t deny... You’d truly missed this.

“Tom, not now silly-”

You’d spent the rest of the day either swimming, and for the sake of making up for the lost time, making out as Tom carried you afloat in the ocean. Not to mention, his growing bulge even underwater was the cherry on top. And more so, reading a novel you’d been meaning to finish back on the boat with the sun beating down as you tanned, and a glass of the finest red wine at hand. Tom laid closely down beside you, just gently stroking your back the way you liked it.

You were being given the royal treatment, and all thanks to Tom. He loved spoiling you when he could, always ignoring the fact that you’d beg him not to.

You lived for every single moment with Tom, and this was a summer to remember for a while...

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland imagines #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x reader #tom holland x fem!reader #tom holland headcanon #spiderman #peter parker #MCU #marvel #avengers #lovelykhaleesiii #lovelykhaleesiii imagines #lovelykhaleesiii fanfiction

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