#looking forward to seeing the japanese take on all my favorite lines... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

meimi-haneoka · 2 months

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Hello, Cinzia! How are you doing? I have two things I wanted to talk to you about but first let me start by saying thank you for your translation correction posts! I have a habit of reading both translated and original Japanese versions side by side for comparison and my lord… the amount of errors the official translated version had is astounding. So thank you for having the fandom's back on that!

Okay so the first thing I wanted to talk about is the fandom's (understandable) disappointment over the conclusion chapter. But I have a theory on why this might feel disappointing. You see, I also happened to come from the Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice and Fire fandom and right now it has been 13 years since the release of the last book and everyone has been waiting patiently for it. In the mean time, the fandom has come up with A LOT (and I mean A LOT!!) of theories on how the characters are going to develop and eventually how the books are going to end. This is fun because it keeps the fandom alive. But the biggest con is that the theories are so wildly out there now that everyone deep down knows no one's gonna be satisfied with the ending the author will give us because we have extrapolated too much in this past decade. While we in the CCS fandom didn't have to wait that long, I still think a lot of us had come up with theories while waiting for the next release and maybe because we were basing them our past experiences with Tsubasa and xxxHolic, we assumed that was road to go. Personally, I loved the ending Clamp gave us. I always love a little open ending because then we get take that ending to our little sandbox and make our own stories. But best of all, if the story hasn't ended, IT MEANS WE HAVE A CHANCE TO SEE THEM AGAIN IN THE FUTURE :D!!! Isn't that exciting?? You're absolutely right about how the ending isn't going to please everyone. Because that's literature! The creators of The Matrix once said that art is never stagnant. People will come back to it years later and find something new to relate to and have a newfound love for it!

For my second thing I wanted to share!! As someone who grew up with CCS and now coming back to Clear Card as an adult who has gone through Life™️, I realize how much easier it was for me to pick up on the darker undertones of Clear Card. KAITO WAS NOT OKAY FROM THE TIME HE WAS INTRODUCED!! Like that boy had 10 different alarm bells ringing every time he spoke. And the thing that made me realize that is something from my own life experience. Akiho's past as an abused child is also very easy to pick up on and not something you need to read between the lines. Like it was RIGHT THERE! So idk why people deny that they had miserable lives. Kaito isn't a villain per se. He's an antihero. And even if he was (let's just say it for the sake of it), Clamp's villains are never one dimensional and the same goes for Kaito too. He just needed help. But coming back to my main point, I wonder if Clamp had intentionally gave us a more mature theme for Clear Card, knowing that most of their readers are going to be adults who grew up with the original CCS. The idea of "everything that I can and can't do make me who I am" is so IMPORTANT to remember!! The feeling of lack of self worth haunts all of us. There are many things that Sakura can't do either and that's okay because she has help. AND IT'S IMPORTANT TO ASK FOR HELP!! We cannot do everything on our own (looking at Kaito) and that's okay! This is how Syaoran shows his love too. He knows he is limited (as we all are) but there are things he can do to help Sakura. We always have to remember that because life isn't easy to go through alone. (knocks on Kaito's head)

I'm looking forward to future stories revolving our favorite gang. I wonder if Akiho will travel to meet Eriol some time too. Anyway, I feel like I have taken too much of your time. Thank you for everything you've done for the fandom and if you choose to reply to this message then thank you for that too! Have a nice day :D

Omg hello new follower!! Where were you hiding all this time?? 😂😂 I LOVED receiving your ask and it brightened my day, thank you very much!! See, people, this is someone who gets it 👍 (as I know all my affectionate readers do!! I just need to show off all of you because, among the sea of complaints, the fandom needs to see that there are ALSO lots of people out there who understood Clear Card correctly, and it's not a nonsense story to everyone like they think it is).

Your first point is absolutely logical and I also think that's one of the reasons why the "final" chapter wasn't going to satisfy each and everyone in the fandom: that was just plain impossible from the get go, but adding all that you so cleverly explained here, yeah it was just bound to happen all the more. I still think, though, that if you paid attention, understood the story and the characters correctly along the way, the theories that you as a fan could've think of weren't going to be that far from what actually happened. I managed to foresee a lots of events (some more precisely, some less precisely, some I did completely accidentally) and that's not because I have powers or because I paid CLAMP for it 😂😂 but just because I "listened" to what the story, or rather, what CLAMP were trying to tell me through the story. I picked up the signs and for the most part didn't let them trick me with the red herrings, and even when I made theories I always kept quite "flexible" in case canon didn't go that way (there's also plenty of stuff that didn't go as I thought). The only thing I was always sure about is that this would have had a happy ending. For the all the characters. And yes, open endings can be a present to the fandom, especially the creative one! Moreover, it's an easy way to get back into the series later, in case they want to continue it.

And for the second point....oooh, I know. I KNOW. God, it's always been so clear, especially when they started to show his past as a kid and the fact that he fed himself energetic bars as a "meal"? Or when they said that everything tasted the same to him? That's beyond messed up for a kid and it was immediately clear that he had enormous problems behind that smily mask that he was showing to everyone. Those are clear symptom of depression and god only knows the degree of abandonment Kaito lived in, in his childhood. The fact that he was literally snapped up by an Association of criminals doesn't mean that they intended to raise him or that they were interested in his wellbeing.

The people who deny that Akiho and Kaito had a childhood made of abuse only do so because if they didn't, then they would feel forced to feel empathy and pity for them (lest they appear as insensitive), and they don't want to, because they had already decided they were obnoxious, malicious and unwanted characters a long time ago. Cause their background of abuse is very very clear, especially for Akiho. It's spelled out clearly multiple times. They couldn't go further than what they did because it would've been too jarring for a story like CCS (and I've seen the disturbed comments of a part of the JP fandom, already as it is).

So yeah, Kaito is an antihero at best, or a "reluctant villain", a trope I have seen once in a post on instagram. It fitted him completely. He villainized himself towards everyone else (Sakura & Co.) in order to achieve his only goal, even if that wasn't really in his nature. But he did, for Akiho's sake.

And yes yes yes to all the rest that you've said!! One of the most important lessons we got from Clear Card is that it's important to ask for help when you need it, that you shouldn't take everything on your shoulder......and if you notice that a friend is struggling, don't ignore them but extend a helping hand, cause they probably don't have the strength to ask for help.

I also really hope that we can see our favorite gang in the future, and I keep in my heart a little hope to see Akiho/Kaito/Momo in Holic too!!

Thank you so much for this ask and I hope you'll enjoy the rest of my posts!! 😁❤️

#reply #ccsakura #clear card arc #akiho shinomoto #yuna d. kaito

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absolutebl · 2 years

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This Week In BL - October Is Looking Chunky

Sept 2022 Wk 5

Happy fall everyone!

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

The Eclipse (Fri YT) Ep 8 of 15 - The pacing is starting to feel off and I am getting frustrated with the plot. That said, K is such a killer actor. And Aye is so damn pushy but with emotions as well a physical affection, he exposes his own vulnerability as a kind of benevolent attack on Akk to instill trust and worth and value and safety. Akk is just so scared and closeted. This whole narrative is less about love than it is about courage. Whether that is courage to live or courage to love.

Vice Versa (Sat on YT) Ep 12fin - They are very cute and domestic boyfriends, and I realize GMMTV often does domesticity with their couples in the final episode. I’m thinking about the fantastic final ep of Dark Blue Kiss. “Celebrity coming out for love” is very Love Stage!! Interesting that they advertised Not Me at the end, does that mean we have no new BL in this time slot from GMMTV next week? Curious choice they still have 4 more from their 2022 lineup.* I half expected the high school one.

So what do I have to say about Vice Versa?

It’s a solid BL with a weak plot but a strong concept. It’s very well acted and Jimmy remains the most charismatic talent that GMMTV currently fields. I hope we get more of this pair, either together or separated. That said, this is never going to be one of my top rewatch rotations, so I’m calling it for an 8/10. RECOMMENDED

My Only 12% (Fri iQIYI) Ep 8 of 15 - Oh goody more pain. Look I like the noona romance thread. It’s obvious she had to break his heart, it’s what I would’ve done, it’s what Minato should have done. But it was still sad to watch. This is a well cast show. Sniffling at the end of this ep. Looking forward to seeing Siew come into his own and Cake crumble while they are apart.

Ai Long Nhai (Mon iQIYI) Ep 1 of 10 - Words cannot adequately describe how much I dislike the credit sequence and music on this show. I nearly DNFed before a single line was spoken. The subs are also not good, but my Thai is getting better so I don’t mind as much as I once did. The show leads us out with: Slow motion + instalove + tons of familiar faces + some very terrible sound effects. Pretty much standard pulp territory. Despite all this, I actually kinda like it and they are so pretty. A rare sunshine/sunshine pairing! Nhai is an adorable idiot and Ai is confident king and I’m chortling away. Also GAY DADS played by IRL husbands Arm & Porsch! We’re good here, I’m happy.

Work from Heart (Thurs YouTube) Ep 2 of 7 - Cute ex boyfriends. Thank god for uniforms. But now evil ex is overly aggressive. I’m getting Check Out vibes and that’s not a good thing. I love the tattooed actor who plays Guy, I wish he’d get more roles. I loved him in Ingredients too.

Love in the Air (Thurs iQIYI) Ep 7 of 13 - It was a fine ending to the first couple and a good (if audio dubious) start to the second. I made more puns in the DUMPSTER FIRE TRASH WATCH ALONG HERE.

Fahlanruk (Sun GaGa) 3 of 12 - And now identical twins? SERIOUSLY? The show sucks so bad. The story of 2 players never runs deep. Absolutely nothing happened this episode. I might drop this one.

* GMMTV’s remaining 2022 BL line up is:

My School President - which I expected to be in VV’s time slot.

Moonlight Chicken - EarthMix’s next one, probably what they are working on next

Be My Favorite - recasting

Never Let Me Go - filming now (assuming this will take on Eclipse’s time slot)

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Takara-kun and Amagi-kun (Japan Thurs GaGa & Viki) 6 of 8 - This is my favorite BL currently airing BY A LANDSLIDE. 24 minutes of pure agony and joy. It just makes me so happy but it’s also so high school angst and traumatic to live through. This is the best of Japanese BL, I keep getting a feel of Seven Days off it and I don’t mention that comparison lightly. Takara is SO CORNEY. Also. THAT ENDING. Yes. Exposed! No more secrets! Squee! I can’t wait to see what happens next week.

Once Again (Korea Fri GaGa) 5-6 of 8 - This show. I swear it’s so in the throat creepy and tense (in a Kassandra the mad prophet way) but also weirdly sweet. Poor Ji Hoon, he’s such a nice guy in a world just has a in for him one way or another. I’m glad both actors are so good since it’s the whole reason to watch this. I’ve no idea how they are going to manage to resolve it, but it looks like we get a cute date next ep!

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

War of Y - too hard on my soul. Will I watch it eventually? Maybe? Probably not. I think we have an ITSAY situation going on here. Also BL Express was not best pleased, and I while we rarely share taste, in this instance I trust their reporting.

My Tempo - a Thai BL movie about the Thai music industry. Yeah, no thank you.

Oh My Sunshine Night - I’m scared it’s gonna be sad, so I’m waiting for spies to tell me it’s safe

180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us - ditto above

In Case You Missed It

More Than Words (Japan indie subbed by furritsubs) - TIP ‘EM if you like em!) All the eps have dropped, so I binged it. Basically the definition of moody arthouse smackdoodle. Makki is an outgoing but mysterious boy with secret pain. Eiji is the an older gay boy struggling with identity. Mieko is a broken angry girl who both makes them work as a couple and aches to belong with them. This is a story about all 3 and their complicated interweaving relationship. It’s about love and intimacy in all its many faceted forms. This is not, and I'm being very clear here, a romance. In fact this is not a romantic show in any way. It’s poetic, sad, and wistful. Is it beautiful and a little lovely? Yes. Did I like it? No. For BL stans like me? NOT RECOMMENDED. For the ITSAY and YNEH folks... have at. BL Express likes this kind of thing and did a great review.

Zero Supporter featuring EarthMix in their KornWin roles dropped. Look these two are just so cute together. They aren’t as good at this premise as OffGun were in Our Skyy, tho. Still, ultimately, I like this special better than the original Cupid’s Last Wish.

NetJames (forthcoming BL Bed Friend) portray a BL side couple in Thai drama Catch Me Baby starting Oct 6 on WeTV.

Semantic Error won Best Couple at the APAN Star Awards 2022. And Jaechan won the Popularity Award.

Gossip

Thai casting call went out for the world’s first omegaverse BL Midnight Fortune. Twitter went as pearl-clutchingly hysterical over it as we might expect. It's not my thing personally and I doubt I will like it (frankly I doubt it'll be very good, either, the plot looks like it was written by MAME & Jittirain) but you better believe I will dumpster fire trash watch this SO HARD if it airs. It's about time Thai BL started to get seriously experimental in its cinemagraphic life cycle. It will be gloriously whackdoodle. I did have it down for Japan first, Thailand is so plucky!

Next Week Looks Like This:

Starting: Mon: To Sir With Love AKA Khun Chai - Thai (10 eps 40 min ea) on One31HD & possibly WeTV. Kabe Koji - Japan (10 eps 20 min ea) on Viki. Weds: Ghost Host, Ghost House - Thai (5 eps 30 min? ea) YouTube for reruns. Sat: Big Dragon - Thai (8 ep 40 min ea) reruns on Star Hunter’s YT. Sun: Remember Me - Thai (8 ep 40 min ea) Gaga.

FULL October 2022 line up is here.

This week’s best moments?

Fucking awesome Takara.

This year’s Namgoong Award for BEST WINGMAN goes to Katori in Takara & Amagi. He’s glorious.

Ai Long Nhai calling itself out.

And again.

Eclipse being a tease.

My Only 12% pulling our heart strings.

Vice Versa, beat that drum honey!

I LOVE a back hug.

(last week)

Current earworm? JJ Project (fetal GOT7) Coming Home

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let-me-love-you-loki · 11 months

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Everything Has Changed--Ch. 27

Chapter 27

Shaye

Good God, it felt like my heart had turned inside out and clawed its way into my throat. For a moment—from the instant that he spoke—I couldn’t breathe. I was suddenly right back in that train station in Tokyo. On the steep-sloped trail along the side of Mount Tsukuba. Standing at the wide windows looking out over the sprawling Katsushida ward below. In the Bullet Club locker room in Osaka. In Central Park along the side of a pond.

In Winnipeg, standing shivering in the dirt driveway of that house. Watching Kota Ibushi appear out of nowhere, knowing that I had just been kidding myself that Kenny and I would ever have worked out.

And yet here I was… with him on the phone. The moment that I felt most alone, I’d turned back to the person who had broken me so thoroughly.

“You’re still there, Shaytan,” Kenny’s voice said in my ear. It had an undercurrent of something that I couldn’t quite place. It made my skin crawl just as much as it made me wonder what might have been. “I can hear you.”

It was like my whole body crumpled in on itself. I slipped from the edge of Damon’s bed to the floor. The force of the landing rocketed through my spine as I landed, knocking the breath out of my lungs. It rushed out of me in a gasp that caught in my throat.

There was a sound like a soft hum that came down the line. I could see his face in my mind. A gentle smile on his lips as he leaned forward to put his elbows on his knees. It was past midnight in New York. In Tokyo it was early afternoon. Kenny would have been just coming back to his flat from his workout and lunch at the little hole-in-the-wall spot down the street from the gym. The image ran through me with a shiver up my spine.

“What’s the matter, Shaytan?” he asked softly.

Before I could stop them, the tears came. They came in a torrent that rushed down my cheeks, stealing what little breath I had left. An ache settled behind my ribs like a hook in my heart that yanked and tore and pulled.

His voice lilted up and down with that sweet concern that he had. “Iki o sutte kudasai, koibito. Watashi wa koko ni imasu.” It had been so long since I’d heard or spoken Japanese. It took a moment for my brain to make sense of what it was hearing.

Take a breath, sweetheart. I am right here. That hook in my chest twisted and yanked, feeling as if it were tearing my heart from behind my ribs. I sank forward, curling in on myself. Wrapping my free arm around my stomach as if I were trying to hold my guts inside me.

“Damon…” My brother’s name caught in my throat. I thought of where he might have gone. What trouble he might be getting himself into. “I can’t… he’s gone… he ran off.”

I heard a faint rustle on the other end of the line. I tried to imagine what he was doing. Was he walking through the quiet streets back to his flat? Was he still in the little restaurant in his favorite booth? Had he slipped a little and gotten another deep-fried Mars bar?

“What do you want from me?” Kenny went quiet for a moment as if to let me think. “What do you need?”

My lungs ached as I sucked in a breath. I knew the answer almost before he’d finished asking the question. But I hated myself for it.

“You.”

Nick

“Oh my God, Nick. Stop it,” Sam said from across the table. There was a whine in her voice that was part annoyance and part frustration. She kicked my shin underneath the table. She, Matt, and I were at our favorite table at Black Bear Diner with our usual spread between us.

My phone sat face up by my plate. Every few minutes, I’d tap the screen, look forlornly at the glowing glass, and then heaving a sigh when there was nothing. All three of us knew what I was doing—checking for messages from Shaye. There was no denying it.

It had been weeks since I’d heard from her. Every single day, I wanted to call her. I wanted to text her. Just to know that she was still there. It was hard to explain, and I knew that it was going to tear me up inside the longer I lingered on the thought. I could feel the ache starting deep in my chest, just behind my ribs. It sucked the breath out of my lungs and I nearly choked.

“That’s it,” she said, reaching across the table and snatching my phone before I could get my hands on it. She hit the button on the side, holding it down until it turned off completely. Then she tucked it underneath her thigh.

“Give me my phone,” I said, holding out my hand.

Sam shook her head and went back to her food. She took a bite of her turkey sandwich and turned her attention to Matt. “When do you have to go to Reseda again?”

“Sam, give me my phone,” I demanded. Frustration boiled just below the surface of my voice.

She ignored me. “I have to do a showing this weekend for one of my classes.”

Matt dug his phone from his pocket and opened up his calendar. He swiped through it before putting it away. “Next PWG show is Friday night. I guess you’re going to miss it, then.”

“Well, it depends on where you are on the card. I might be able to swing it if you’re near the end of the show.”

The two of them carried on their conversation as if they were alone at the table. My guts churned with jealousy and envy. Seeing them together made me miss Shaye even more. It didn’t matter that there had never really been anything between the two of us. I’d fallen in love with her in Osaka the first time I’d met her. That hadn’t changed just because she’d cut me out of her life.

My patience snapped. “Samantha, give me my damn phone!”

“Watch your tone,” Matt said, his voice sharp. “Calm down.”

I rubbed my eyes hard with my fingers, trying to push back the tears that were threatening to rush to the surface. “Please, just give me my phone. I’m going home.”

“Nick—”

Sam put my phone on the table. I snatched it up and threw a twenty on the table. Sam drove us all to the diner. I called an Uber.

Shaye

Despite myself, Kenny’s voice made me weak in the knees. All I could envision was the way he’d looked that first day in the Tokyo train station. How kind his eyes had been. How soft his voice echoed in my memory. I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting nausea at the idea of calling him.

“It’s good to hear from you, Shaytan,” he said confidently. The timbre of his voice conjured images of nights overlooking the streets of the ward with Kenny’s hands on me. “I’ve missed you.”

My body ached with want and sadness and loneliness. “Don’t call me that,” I said softly. “You don’t get to call me that anymore.”

It didn’t matter that I’d called him. That I’d told him that I needed him.

I could hear his smile when he spoke again. “You will always be my unmei no akai ito.” For a moment, I thought I sensed sadness in his voice. “It isn’t right without you. I’m not right without you.”

Something burned in my throat. Bile and tears and self-loathing. “Stop. Just stop,” I gasped, trying to stop myself from breaking down into pieces. What had I done? How had I been so stupid as to call him? “You don’t get to say those things. You don’t get to be sad and upset and lonely. Because you did this. All of this is your fault. Everything that’s happened is because you did it. You and Kota fucking Ibushi ruined everything. Absolutely everything.”

It went quiet on the other end of the line. When he spoke again, his voice was soft. Almost contrite. “It wasn’t what you think, Shaye. If you’d given me five minutes to explain, I would have told you everything.”

“And what was that, Kenny?” Anger and hurt and hatred burned through my veins. “That you were fucking Kota behind my back? That you were going dark on me because you wanted to sneak away? Because that’s exactly what it looked like to me.”

“Did it bother you at all that Nick came with you? That he was so willing to fly from California to Winnipeg just like that? Without a moment’s notice?” There was something bordering on fury in his voice. “It didn’t occur to you at all that he was a little too helpful?”

It was the same thing he’d tried to convince me about when he’d called when I was in California. “Stop. Just stop. I don’t believe you. Don’t you dare lie about Nick that way! He was there when you completely broke me!”

Kenny chuckled darkly. “You never asked him, did you?”

I wanted to scream. My stomach churned. “Fuck you,” I said, my voice far less sure than I wanted. “I hate you!”

His voice dropped into a whisper that I’d heard a thousand times before. “You called me, Shaytan. When you needed someone, you didn’t call Nick Jackson. You called me.”

_______________________

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#everything has changed #nick jackson #nick jackson fanfiction #aew #aew fanfiction #too late tales AU #in a day or two AU #ofc #oc #multi-chapter #kenny omega #kenny omega fanfiction #the elite universe

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samasmith23 · 1 year

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Evangelion: You Can (Not) Marathon — (Part 8)

Neon Genesis Evangelion, “Episode 8: Asuka Arrives in Japan/ASUKA STRIKES!”

Continuing my Evangelion re-watch marathon with NGE, "Episode 8: Asuka Arrives in Japan/ASUKA STRIKES!" For my thoughts on the previous episode, click the link to the post below:

With that out of the way, let's dig in! And I'm looking forward to revisiting this episode since it introduces the character of Asuka, who was my best friend's personal favorite character in all of fictional media when I first met her back in university!

Considering what the specific contents of Gendo’s shipment are revealed to be by the end of the episode, why do I have the feeling that he’s lying when discussing having “already made the arrangements with the [Human Instrumentality] Committee” to have it shipped to Tokyo-3?

Lol! Kensuke truly is the embodiment of the stereotypical military otaku given both his earlier cosplaying as a soldier back in Episode 4, and his current geeking-out over the site of the United Nation’s fleet of aircraft carriers! What a dork!

And he acts like this throughout the entire episode BTW, even during the middle of an Angel attack!

Also, while it was certainly a thoughtful gesture of Misato to take Shinji’s classmates on basically a site-seeing tour of the Pacific Ocean given how confined their lives in the post-apocalyptic Tokyo mountain terrain must be, I’m curious if she got military clearance to bring two civilian minors on board a military aircraft carrier?

And here she is! The one and only Asuka Langley Soryu! These introductory shots of Asuka do an incredibly effective job in communicating the major defining aspects of her character through primarily visual cues. The first image of her silhouetted by the blinding sunlight as she looks down at NERV’s helicopter landing in the aircraft carrier’s deck helps informs the viewer that Asuka is an individual who thinks very highly of herself, has a superiority complex and wants to stand tall above everyone else.

These facets of Asuka's character are further communicated through the second shot of her brashly stepping onto Toji’s baseball cap as he frustratingly attempts to get it back on while on his knees. Asuka’s prideful personality is further reinforced through her first lines of dialogue, as she barely gives the struggling Toji beneath her any attention, instead immediately shifting focus to Misato when the latter states how much Asuka’s has grown since she last saw her, replying that, “Not only am I taller, but my figure has filled out as well.” This serves as an early indicator that Asuka wants to perceive herself as a fully-mature adult despite being a 14-year-old teenager just like Shinji, Toji, and Kensuke are. Essentially, Asuka places herself on a pedestal high above her peers, whom she looks down upon as mere “children.”

Anno is definitely a master-class when it comes to conveying important character details through visuals!

Shifting focus away from visual direction for a moment, I want discuss some behind-the-scenes trivia in relation to Asuka's voice actresses from both her original Japanese and English incarnations:

In the original Japanese version, Asuka was voiced by Yuko Miyamura, who has had a very complicated and strained relationship with the character over the past couple of decades. Rather infamously in a 2010 interview with SMASH (one year after the release of the second Rebuild movie, which Miyamura reprised her role for) she stated that, "At one point in time, I thought to myself that I would never act as Asuka again. For a very long time, I wanted to erase Evangelion." While in the interview Miyamura stated that this was largely due to the unwanted amount of fan attention her role as Asuka brought her (to the point where she was unfortunately repeatedly stalked and harassed at several international fan conventions), she later provided additional reasons in the back-up material for Volume 12 of the official Neon Genesis Evangelion manga adaptation by Yoshiyuki Sadamoto. According to Miyamura, she found voicing Asuka to be an emotionally painful experience that "was close to bullying, [that] acting the part of Asuka was lots of fun at first," but by the end of the series the character psychologically torn down and denied a happy ending in The End of Evangelion (which is part of why Miyamura said that Anno was "finally an adult" during the production of the final Rebuild movie in 2021 since he finally gave all of his characters, including Asuka, a happy ending). But it was through meeting Asuka's original English VA Tiffany Grant that Miyamura developed a newfound love and appreciation for the character, now viewing her like one of her own daughters (Miyamura is currently a mother of two IRL). Speaking of Tiffany Grant however... her performance is one of the major reasons why the original ADV dub of NGE still holds such a special place in my heart despite its flaws! You can tell that Grant was having an absolute blast in the role since she perfectly nails Asuka’s boastful arrogance and sense of pride through her vocal performance! And Grant herself has openly confirmed this, stating in that aforementioned manga back-up material that, "When I started recording this loud, assertive character who often swore in German, I knew I was having a great time in the role and that it was enjoyable for me as an actor." While I’ve seen a few fans point to Grant’s performance in the old dub as a major turn-off, feeling that it overly emphasizes Asuka’s more rude mannerisms to the point of making her too "mean-spirited" or "unsympathetic" (although to be fair, Asuka is already pretty divisive among fans in general...), I personally felt that Grant’s performance helped make the character all the more memorable and interesting for me. And unlike Miyamura, who's historically had a strained yet improved relationship with Asuka's character, Grant has openly embraced her "'inner Asuka,' [realizing] the many ways that [she] related to this complex, flawed character," since she first voiced the character back in 1998. So much so that she was reportedly deeply heartbroken when she learned that Netflix openly refused to invite her along with the original ADV cast to reprise their roles for the new English dub in 2019.

On the subject of Tiffany Grant's frequent ad-libbing of German words & phrases into Asuka's dialogue, this is one of the more notable creative liberties that the ADV dub took that I honestly feel works to the show’s advantage! Despite the Asuka’s half-Japanese & half-German heritage being another defining aspect of her character, she only spoke a limited amount of German in the original Japanese version due to Miyamura’s knowledge of the language being incredibly limited. Conversely, Grant was already fluent in German as a second language, and therefore decided to swap out several of the original Japanese text with their German equivalents when ADV dubbed the show into English. And I personally feel this additional emphasis on Asuka’s German heritage serves to further flesh her out!

For instance, when Asuka understandably slaps Toji clean across the face after he flashes her in retaliation for slapping him (along with Shinji & Kensuke) when a strong wind briefly exposed her panties to them (the slap was the “viewing fee,” lol!), Grant angrily shouting the German equivalents to “you insolent dork!” or “what the hell do you think your doing?!”, leave a much more memorable impression on the viewer in contrast to the Netflix re-dub, where Asuka’s new VA Stephanie Mckeon instead delivers a more shrill, “How dare you!”

No disrespect to McKeon, as the Netflix re-dub was apparently one of her first voice-acting roles, but the script and direction for the new dub sadly leaves much to be desired…

Also, Toji totally deserved that second slap (and to be cursed at in German) for basically committing an act of sexual harassment. Still, his one-liner of “Here’s your change!”, as a comeback to Asuka’s “viewing fee” line makes me chuckle from a pure word-play perspective. It reminds me of Spidey’s joke during the bank fight with Doc Ock in Sam Rami’s Spider-Man 2!

Also also… dang! Asuka slaps are so powerful that she actually cracked the lens on Kensuke’s video camera with just a single strike! Lol!

Asuka’s first meeting with Shinji is absolutely perfect! I love how she’s so unimpressed, summarizing him as, “Not much to look at.” It honestly gives me a similar vibe to when Kakashi first met Squad 7 in Naruto after he had an eraser fall on his head as part of one of titular character's childish pranks!

I love how Misato initally keeps herself incredibly calm and collected when dealing with the UN Navy Officer’s impatience and intolerance with NERV’s overreaching authority while dealing with the transfer orders for Asuka’s Evangelion Unit-02. Heck, Shinji even compares Misato’s composure and demeanor in this scene to that of Ritsuko, which is quite a contrast to how he’s characterized her as both immature and slobbish in the previous episodes.

It’s also incredibly interesting to see the international politics of this universe at play, as the naval officers are understandably frustrated by the ridiculous amount of military privileges that NERV has been granted. So much so that their authority supersedes that of the UN during times of emergencies (i.e. Angel attacks), even outside of Japan’s national borders and jurisdiction. We saw similar themes at play during the previous episode with the Jet Alone incident, so it's cool to see these ideas further fleshed out in order to make EVA's world feel more alive and authentic!

Sadly though, Misato’s cool-headed professionalism is cut-short by both the UN officer’s increasingly insulting remarks, along with the sudden appearance of her ex-boyfriend Kaji.

Yup, in addition to Asuka, this episode also introduces the character of Ryoji Kaji.

Oh boy, Kaji... Kaji, Kaji, Kaji...

The way I’ve witnessed other people’s perceptions about Kaji's character evolve over the past couple of years has been incredibly fascinating, since a lot of modern EVA fans have admitted to really disliking this character, possibly even more so than FREAKING Gendo "Worst Father Ever!" Ikari! Now I’ll admit that learning about this initially shocked me at first since I personally remembered liking Kaji’s character perfectly alright when I first watched the anime and read the manga. His relaxed & cool demeanor made him significantly stand out in contrast to the rest of the troubled main cast. Additionally Kaji also served multiple important roles in EVA's narrative, ranging from his reemergence into Misato's life serving to graudally push her Elektra Complex back up to the surface, to serving as somewhat of a mentor/surrogate-father figure to Shinji by offering him some seemingly helpful wisdom, to him understandably brushing off Asuka’s childish crush and inappropriate advances towards him as a counter to her unhealthy obsession with wanting to grow-up too fast. Plus, there was that whole intriguing double/triple agent game Kaji was playing between Gendo, SEELE, and the UN. Heck, back when the Internet annoyingly thought it was in-vogue to constantly dismiss Shinji’s character as nothing more than a “whiny b*tch,” I noticed that a lot of these detractors seemed to conversely prefer both Misato and Kaji’s characters (describing Kaji as the least psychologically-damaged of the entire cast). However, I’ve recently discovered that a lot of more modern EVA fans tend to be rather creeped out by Kaji’s womanizing behavior, with some even going as far as to describe him as being borderline to outright predatory, citing two scenes in particular from future episodes which I'll definitely discuss when we eventually get around to them. The critical reevaluations of with womanizing characters from older media are not uncommon, especially in the Post-#MeToo era. We've already seen it with other beloved fictional characters like Han Solo in Star Wars, Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back and James Bond throughout his entire filmography, and Kaji is not immune to these criticisms either. Personally speaking, while I do still think that Gendo is a far worse scumbag due to being both a neglectful father to Shinji as well as him openly manipulating female characters like Rei & Ritsuko to fullfill his own selfish-desires (even up to the point of heavily implied sexual abuse), I can definitely understand and even agree with a lot of criticisms directed at Kaji. I will at least argue that Kaji's behavior doesn't come across as creepy in hindsight as Han's or especially Bond's (seriously, there's a scene in Goldfinger that is downright disgusting in just how blatantly misogynistic & homophobic it is...), and that he does have his more noble and redeeming qualities when it comes to his relationships with Misato, Shinji and Asuka.

I love how from the moment Kaji first appears on screen, we start getting hints about his and Misato's past romantic history together! This is evident through not only Misato’s embarrassed reaction upon seeing Kaji in the command deck, but also by them awkwardly playing footsie underneath the barrack tables (implying that they’re physically in synch with each other).

And if that weren’t enough, Kaji drops this bombshell of a question when he learns that Shinji is currently Misato’s roommate, asking him if Misato is "still wild in bed" shortly after asking Misato if she's currently seeing anyone else (which does lead to one of my personal favorite Misato moments ever)!

I've honestly lost count of how many times I've used that quote of Misato's as a reaction gif on Twitter, I love it that much!

As someone who was already pretty invested in Misato's character so far when first viewing the series, this revelation made me want to learn more about Misato's past and what exactly happened between her and Kaji which led to them eventually breaking up. And the answer was certainly one which I was not expecting at the time!

Still though... while the fact that Kaji feels comfortable asking this question to Shinji, who is still 14-years-old, is really inappropriate on his part, it does at least underscore Misato's struggles to form meaningful non-sexual relationships with other people due to both her love/hate relationship with her deceased father, and her stunted childhood development & trauma as a survivor of the Second Impact.

Also, this scene in the barracks gives us some early foreshadowing to not only Asuka's obsessive teen-crush on Kaji given her horrified reaction to his earlier bombshell drop, but also to the mentor-role he'll later provide for Shinji when he rebukes Shinji's downplaying of his EVA piloting experiences as "simply luck," informing him that luck is a talent that will get him far in life. AndShinji can't help but find this to be a somewhat reassuring thought given how incredibly low his self-confidence is...

I love the contrasting impressions that Kaji leaves upon Shinji and Misato respectively. Shinji can't help but find Kaji “pretty interesting” due to his cool-headedness and wisdom, whereas Misato’s angrily replies, “He hasn’t changed at all that chauvinistic pig!”

Lol! Misato's words there are unintentionally reflective of how a lot of modern viewers feel about Kaji’s character nowadays. Also, she'd fit right in with Black Widow & Valkyrie on the classic cover of Avengers (1963) #83!

I love the re-occuring visual motif throughout this episode of Asuka constantly standing on higher ground in contrast to Shinji, as it perfectly plants the seeds for the complicated rivalry and relationship between these two characters. While the opening silhouetted shot of Asuka was incredibly effective in regards to conveying Asuka's inflated ego in relation to everyone else, she sets her sights on proving her alleged "superiority" to Shinji specifically as soon as she learns from Kaji about Shinji's unnaturally high-synchronization ratio with his EVA Unit.

Yup! Asuka definitely took Obi-Wan Kenobi's famous words from Revenge of the Sith to heart!

Also, although she tries to hide it, you can tell that Asuka can't help but perceive this news as a significant challenge to her pride, which leads to her commadering Shinji in the escalator so that she can show off her own EVA Unit to him. I love how she attempts to desperately excuse away his high-synchronization status as the result of a "design flaw" due to EVA Unit's 00 & 01 being test-types while her EVA Unit-02 is a combat-oriented "final production model!" It's mostly implied through body-language and mannerisms, but you can definitely tell that Asuka is overcompensating or trying to mask some hidden insecurities whenever she's attempting to show-off or boast about her skills as an EVA pilot!

I love the contrast in Asuka's reactions when she discovers that the 6th Angel, Gaghiel, is attacking the Pacific Fleet. When she first sees the Angel sink several battleships she gives a sneaky smile and head-turn while in close proximity to Shinji, excitedly proclaiming "Now's my chance," in German. However, when she's alone changing into her plugsuit inside the stairwell, she's a lot more quiet and reserved, whispering to herself, "Let's go... Asuka," inferring that Asuka pilots her EVA not only to prove her talents to others, but to herself as well! Excellent bit of character development and foreshadowing on Anno's part there!

And Asuka immediately deciding to commandeer EVA Unit-02 without asking Misato permission first is another nice touch in emphasizing how far Asuka is willing to go in order to prove herself (although Misato does inevitably approve in a hilariously childish confrontation with the obnoxious admiral)!

Speaking of the plugsuits though, I feel this is a good opportunity to mention how while many other fans have commented on how form-fitting these flight-suits for the EVA pilots are (especially for Rei & Asuka), one thing I only recently just noticed in relation to this fact was how Shinji's plugsuit has these weird rectangular-protrusions which somewhat resemble breast-plates. And considering that this episode also famously has Shinji being forced to wear Asuka's spare Unit-02 plugsuit when she forces him to hop into the Entry-Plug to watch her fight Gaghiel up close, I can't help but wonder if these factors have help contributed to the popular fan-readings of Shinji actually being a closeted trans-femme egg?

Returning to Gaghiel however, I love how in addition to this Angel having a really awesome hybrid design of a white whale, a shark, and a sting-ray, Gaghiel also represents a suspicious change in the Angel's pattern of behavior. Whereas all of the previous Angels directly targeted Tokyo-3 and more specifically the GeoFront and NERV HQ underneath the city, Gaghiel instead appears in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and is destroying several battleships in what appears to be a random yet systematically targeted manner, which Misato speculates means that it's actively searching for something. Is it EVA Unit-02 onboard the fleet, or something else entirely? And questions are further raised by Kaji's suspicious behavior, since he not only calls Gendo about this sudden attack, but Gendo sounds like he expected such an occurrence and even shipped "a spare EVA pilot" to support Asuka as backup support (once again reminding me of why I hate Gendo's guts so much as he treats his own son like cannon-fodder)! Also, Kaji fleeing the aircraft-carrier mid attack by hitchhiking a random fighter jet to Misato’s annoyance is an excellent way of allowing the viewer to begin questioning Kaji’s true allegiance…

Additionally, according to Wikipedia "the name Gaghiel (Hebrew: גגיאל), also called Gagiel, Daghiel or Dagiel, in Judeo-Christian folklore is the angel of the fish. Its Hebrew name can be translated as 'roaring beast of God', and has been interpreted by writer Will Raus as a possible allusion to its appearance, which is similar to that of a beast fighting in the water." So this Angel's whale-shark appearance is definitely fitting in that regard!

Also, Misato’s sarcastically condescending, “Hello, NERV delivery! Would you like to order data on this enemy and countermeasures to use against it,” come-back retort towards the rude Navy admiral when Gaghiel begins sinking battleships is absolutely priceless! Allison Kieth is an absolute treasure, and it’s a darn crime that neither she or Tiffany Grant were offered a chance to return for the Netflix re-dub…

Lol! The scene of Asuka scolding Shinji for his "thought-noise" interfering with Unit-02's signal, him hilariously trying and failing to think in German, and Asuka calling him a "dummkopf" before switching the EVA's language patterns to Japanese is yet another iconic gag in this series that NEVER... EVER... gets old!

Holy crap, did I almost forget just how epic and badass Asuka's entry into battle is! There's a reason why these two images of EVA Unit-02 both posing in the tarp on the battleship deck and pulling out its progressive knife have become so iconic!

I love the progressive insanity of the fight with Gaghiel! We start with the most dangerous game of hopscotch ever conceived as Asuka jumps from deck-to-deck over the Pacific Ocean to plug in her umbilical cable within the short span of one minute whilst avoiding the Angel ramming into ship after ship! And then the battle transitions to a literal fishing sport as the Angel drags Unit-02 down into the water while it's still attatched to a ridiculously long umbilical cable!

The attention to detail as Gaghiel drags Unit-02 underwater and repeatedly bounces off the sea-floor admits the sunken ruins of an abandoned city is amazing! I love how you can still see all the various submerged buildings and streets here (I wonder which city this was prior to Second Impact?)!

I like how as soon as Asuka realizes that Unit-02 is completely immobile underwater as Gaghiel is swimming directly towards them, she immediately defers to Shinji for help due to him being “the famed Third Child” (even letting out a suppressed shriek of terror when the Angel opens its jaws wide open to try and devour them)! For all of Asuka’s boasting she’s way in over her head, which continues to be a reoccurring character flaw that she struggles with over the course of the series!

And the madness of this fight is not over yet as Misato conceives of another ingenious yet ludicrous plan to defeat the Angel as she has the navy deliberately sink their remaining two evacuated battleships and time their downward trajectory just right so that that they'll land face-first into Gaghiel's maw after Unit-02 forces it open, firing a barrage of missiles via-remote directly into the Angel's core and forcing it to self-destruct! Just like the fight with Ramiel back in Episodes 5 & 6, this plan is absolutely bonkers and is a thrill to watch unfold!

So… this moment where EVA Unit-02's eye's briefly glow as Asuka (along with Shinji) desperately struggle to gather the stregnth to open the Angel's jaws before the battleships arrive at their position! While Misato later comments to Ritsuko that this was an unusual high-burst of synchronization between the EVA's and their pilots, I can't help but wonder how much of said-ratio boost was due to Shinji or Asuka? I ask because a major defining element of Asuka's character development as the series progresses is that despite her prideful and boastful nature she never actually wins a single Angel battle solely on her own, only doing so with the assistance and teamwork of others (which consequently causes her to gradually descend into a depressive downward spiral).

Also, was this an example of EVA Unit-02 almost entering bersker mode? If so... that's a neat bit of foreshadowing there!

Oh boy! Our official introduction to the Seed of Life for all the other Angels, the 1st Angel… Adam!

I honestly remember getting some serious chills when I first saw Kaji unveil Adam as a cryogenically-frozen fetus-like creature to Gendo & Fuyutsuk, although his description of it as “the first human” in some translations always confused me (the ADV dub simplifies this to instead have Kaji refer to the Adam fetus as, “the key to the human instrumentality project”).

Also, interestingly the “Fly Me to the Moon” ending credits segment has a red filter overlaying the usual animation this time around! That feels like a neat extra detail to signify Asuka’s arrival into the show!

So that was NGE, "Episode 8: Asuka Arrives in Japan/ASUKA STRIKES!", and overall it was another solid banger and a powerful introduction to Asuka’s character, establishing important traits about her character while setting up for future developments for her as the series progresses! And with that we finally have our main ensemble cast for NGE in the form of Shinji, Rei, Asuka, Misato, Ritsuko, Gendo & Kaji completed!

Next up is Episode 9!

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trumpetnista · 10 months

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I had a breakdown at the gym today.

My day started out in the usual way: waking up, taking my meds, turning on my usual YouTube morning video from Pangeapanga (S-Tier Mario Maker player) to listen to while getting ready to go about my Friday business. Fridays typically involve me going to the chiropractor, to the gym, and then to my favorite Japanese place for dinner before going home. It used to be grocery shopping day but I moved it to Saturday. That’s beside the point.

Anyway, I came out of my room to listen to mom get ready to go sit with dad at the nursing home. Mom was demanding (not asking, goddammit...) my siblings and I to help put together meals for dad to eat, which he legitimately needs. The nursing home food is horrendous and dad has refused to eat most of it. It’s understandable but due to that, he has dropped an alarming amount of weight in a short period of time. At 6′2, he is currently 205 pounds. His legs look like sticks, his hands are cramped to the point of atrophy, his ribcage is visible, and there’s so much loose skin. He’s been bedbound since March. His skin hasn’t seen direct sunlight in months and you can feel the despair radiating from him, even when he musters up enough energy to speak with optimism and smile.

He’s in a safe place with competent people looking after him now but looking at him hurts. Knowing that he’s at the nursing home hurts. Knowing that he’ll likely never be able to come home hurts. Seeing him essentially helpless hurts. He’s always been there, always been a pillar but he’s come apart at the seams. He’s trapped in his own body that turned against him all at once. People who were supposed to look after him didn’t and injured him severely. I feel angry because I can’t help him like he needs. I feel helpless, just like I did when Sara was sick and wasting away before my very eyes. I’m scared. I’m terrified of him succumbing to despair and he’ll slip away from us far too early.

The whole situation is heartbreaking.

It’s also karma.

Like I mentioned last time, my father is a narcissist and that leaked into his parenting. When I was young, he crossed the line from discipline to physical abuse on several occaisions. My mother was like that too and she was the go-to for “discipline” but when I did something really bad (in reality or in their eyes) the worst came from him. I honestly preferred it when he hit me instead of scolding me. When he was scolding me, he would talk to me like I was the most incompetent, insignificant piece of shit on the planet until I couldn’t do anything but cry. Then, he would get mad at me for crying. Looking back, I was in physical pain from fibromyalgia and I was in Mania, effecting my decision making but I didn’t know that at the time. All I knew was that I kept embarassing the family in public. All I knew was that I was far too sensitive. All I knew was that I was lazy and whining. All I knew was that I wasn’t thinking and was honestly afraid to think, which was not true. All I knew was that my best wasn’t good enough and “I don’t know” was not an acceptable answer, even when I truly didn’t know why I did or didn’t do something.

All I knew was that my dad hated me or at least that was the conclusion my young brain drew and my mother followed his lead as usual while taking the opportunity to take her pain out on me. Later on, I figured out that he didn’t hate me but the damage was done, both physically and mentally. I have a scar near my eye from one of the times he hit me and one day when I was about to go into Walgreens, he asked where it came from. Looking him dead in the eye (a rarity for me. I had and still have problems maintaining eye contact with people...), I coldly replied “You did it” before walking into the store. After that day, the dynamic changed between us. I never got an apology from him but going forward, he treated me in a way that told me that he wanted to make up for things but again, the damage was done. I no longer trusted him, even when I said I did. As time passed and the family grew, I took on the role of proper disciplinarian to the kids and I came up with the facade of the dutiful daughter, the one always willing to make sacrifices, the one who followed the rules, and both parents showed me conditional love and acceptance in return, which was far better than how they treated me in the past. I decided to be the bigger person like I was taught to and moved forward.

However, in the back of my mind, I ached for my father to experience the pain and anguish that he put me and later my younger siblings, especially Valerie through. I always believed that what you put out, you get back and I wanted him to get back what he put out. I wanted him to get what he deserved. I wanted karma to come to him and collect with interest. Now, it has.

And I love it.

I also hate it.

The conflicting feelings I have for him and my mother has added onto the usual stress I feel, the usual anxiety. This morning, all of the feelings were there but stronger than it has been since my hospitalization and diagnosis. The worry, the vindication, the guilt attached to said vindication...I decided to go forward with my routine. Besides, I really just wanted to get away from my mother, who through my asserting my boundaries and encouraging Nina to do so in the moment, was actually in the kitchen cooking instead of making Nina or Kimberly do it. I whispered to Nina “let her do something for once” and I could feel the surprise radiating from her. As angry as I am at my mother, I typically try to be diplomatic with my siblings regarding her but this morning, I didn’t have the energy to.

I went to the chiropractor, still trying my best to fight through the feelings while using physical therapy to prepare my left wrist for the surgery I’m getting for it on the 16th (I have kienbock’s disease and they have to remove the dead lunate bone present) and convincing myself to go work out, despite feeling bone tired. Eventually, I got to the gym and I was going through my routine when the feelings engulfed me. It felt like someone had splashed a bucket of water on me and I could feel tears welling fast. I texted my big sister/best friend, explaining how I was feeling and by the time the text went through, I was crying on the crunch machine.

I made it to the locker room without making a scene, cutting my machine work short, and I started crying harder. The sadness I felt was so deep, so sudden that I thought that I was having a downswing in my Bipolar Disorder. I was diagnosed with Bipolar with Mania but the Bipolar 2 Sadness could come, my diagnosing doctor advised me. I thought it had arrived and it propelled me into a sobbing panic attack. As good as it was for me to be hospitalized, I have a deep fear of having to go back to a mental ward, not because the one I was at was a bad one but because of how utterly alone I felt in there.

I was cut off from my family for the first time. I was all alone for the first time in my life and it terrified me despite knowing that I was where I needed to be. That terror came back because despite not feeling like I was a danger to myself or others, I was starting to feel out of control like I did during my psychotic break.

I called Diane and left her a voicemail, crying but still trying my best not to worry her. After that, I still felt bad so I kept following my crisis plan. My mental health doctor and counselor are based at Easterseals so I called. The woman at the intake desk was a genuine angel. I could barely talk through my tears but she spoke to me with empathy and was determined to get help for me. She gave me the number to the crisis line and although I got the voicemail, reaching out helped the panic attack recede. I was able to compose myself. I was able to do a shortened version my cardio routine and I heard back from Diane during. She assured me that my feelings weren’t invalid because she had a breakdown of her own for the same reasons a couple of days ago. She assured me that it likely wasn’t a downswing with my Bipolar disorder and that my conflicted feelings towards our parents, towards our father were natural.

I still struggle with feeling angry at them because for the longest time, I equated being angry at them with being a bad daughter and person. That’s not true. It’s not true at all but working through years of thinking otherwise takes time.

While I was at dinner, I heard back from the crisis line. I didn’t talk to my counselor but I talked to someone who was so easy to open up to. I explained so much about what was ailing me and he assured me that I did the right things today. I did the exact right things to do when in crisis. As I talked more, he assured me that the deprogramming journey that I’ve going on since leaving the Jehovah’s Witnesses has been beneficial. He assured me that the steps I’ve been taking to break the cycle of trauma that started with my parents have been the correct ones. A completely neutral party validated me over and over again and it felt amazing. I also let Valerie know what happened and she immediately backed me up. She said she understood and that she was proud of me, making me cry good tears. As I mentioned, Valerie ended up taking my place as the black sheep of the family in our parents' eyes but she still has a heart of gold. The loyalty she shows is amazing and I'm grateful for her. The confidence boost I felt from the conversation with the neutral counselor gave me the bravery to strike up a lively conversation about tattoos with a fellow bus rider and the strength to make it home to my safe space AKA my room. I had a second dinner of sausage and peppers pasta before settling in for the night.

Today was an awful mental health day, a truly awful mental health day.

But, you know what?

I didn’t go back into my old bad habits.

I didn’t isolate myself nor did I ignore my feelings.

I reached out for help and I received the support I needed.

I’m on the right track.

I am on the right track and it feels so good.

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abigailzimmer · 1 year

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Favorite Reads of 2022

With how many books I loved this year (lots of poetry, speculative fiction, and writers reading other writers!), it’s interesting to see what really lingers with me. Some books, like Rebecca Lindenburg‘s are quiet but I always think of her list-poem of clouds when I look up at the sky. Fathoms wasn’t exactly a page turner and the long passages of statistics in Invisible Women made my eyes glaze over at times, yet I go on thinking about and sharing what I’ve learned from them. Olivia Cronk and m. forajter are friends and encountering their voices again on the page was the most special kind of reading experience. The first six books on this list were particularly unexpected and inventive in how they played with form. Here’s a little more of why I loved each of them:

1. I simply adored Dear Sal, a poem/play/poem/epistolary by Jeremy Radin (published by Not a Cult) about love, longing, and home. With its backdrop of war and the Jewish diaspora, theatrical feel, and love story, plus a fabulist cast of characters, Dear Sal reminds me of Ilya Kaminsky’s Deaf Republic in all the best ways. Abacus, “the letter-composing klutz,” writes to Sal, “the stubborn beloved,” a year after their brief affair, and the others chime in—in sympathy, distraction, or encouragement that he once again find “stars and the beginning of your darlingsong” (my favorite line, right up there with “the animal of my solitude.”) The letters to Sal are my favorite parts but also delightful are the distinct voices of each of the personae poems, as in this one from his pants:

“But o you bleary

and bumbling thing!

O you brimming

and bumbling marvel!

What is all this [he indicates my bumbling]

but proof

that all this [he indicates the mysteries]

is working?”

2. In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado is a tough and exquisitely told story. A memoir of a psychologically and emotionally abusive queer relationship, told at a slant, through the tropes and genres of other stories—spy thrillers, creature features, stories of wrong lessons, omens, natural disasters, and deja vu. Through her story, she also explores the general disbelief of abuse in queer relationships, the desire to “put our best foot forward” in the community, and the subsequent need for marginalized communities to be accepted in all their humanity—acknowledging the good and the bad. Again, it’s a tough read, but also incredibly moving and I loved the path she found to write about the unspeakable.

3. Interrogating the Eye by m. forajter (Schism Press) is a journey in understanding what images represent—a witness, an annunciation, a leakage, a thinking of the future, the self (“boring!”). Under the influence of Kurt Cobain, roses gifted by Bhanu Kapil, and medieval art, forajter writes with and on depression in a world that is polluted, sick, and full of passion. How do you return to making art when your relationship to yourself has changed, and where is “a steady hand … to no longer think in pieces”? Forajter looks and looks, and her looking grows into a kind of ownership and replenishing desire. It’s a heartfelt and exciting read.

“tuned towards the void/tuned towards myself // and yet, the sneakiness of vision. the sun that touches. the multiplicity of light. this is a vision made velvet.”

4. Where the Wild Ladies Are by Aoko Matsuda, translated by Polly Barton is a special kind of ghost story collection. Inspired by Japanese folktales, Matsuda’s stories feature a woman’s lover who, fished out of a river, appears every night in need of a bath; a son grieves his mother too much and to her annoyance; two saleswomen are eerily successful in getting people to buy their lanterns; and a ghost who died counting plates counts them again in her new form. These stories feature clever and thoughtful women with expanding ambitions and selves, exercising their very special talents alongside the living. This was so unexpected in style and voice and utterly delightful!

5. In two long poems, Olivia Cronk takes us into a wild, performative space in Womonster (Tarpaulin Sky). Scenes are blocked for the stage, our characters lounge on beds paging through magazines, and the narrative is frequently interrupted by a interrogator asking the speaker if they know what they’re doing. Through a deep attention to childhood and adult desires, fashion (“I understand the game is played in costume”), and the emotions we “parade in language,” she examines the many selves we carry from one era of our lives to another and one space to another:

“everything leaks / from home / and like it’s coming right into my purse like I packed it in the morning with my lunch”

The theater of home life is re-created on the page as both a control space to practice living in the speaker’s preferred conditions (“I cannot bear / domestic re-order”) and a purely play space rejecting convention and seeing everything anew (“the impossibility of the stairs meeting us is like a play”). It’s a thrilling, soap opera of a read, one to keep you on your toes and full of possibilities that only Olivia can create.

6. In The Trees Witness Everything, Victoria Chang (Copper Canyon Press) herself two very interesting constraints: a response to a poem title by W.S. Merwin and the form of a Japanese syllabic poem. The short poems (on memory and time, how we move through the day, how we look up and the birds we see when we do, and sadness, meditations which always seem to move together) are simple and powerful, giving so much space to sit with in the hard moments and delight in the small moments. I like that Chang writes mostly from a realist perspective, slipping occasionally into the surreal. And among the moon. Poets and their moons and the birds—I’ll never tire.

“There is a bird and a stone

in your body.

Your job is not

to kill the bird with the stone.”

7. The Undocumented Americans by Karla Cornejo Villavicencio is a moving picture of both the large and everyday challenges that undocumented people face. Through interviews and her personal experience, Karla raises the issues of what being undocumented means for access to health care—the networks of healers and solutions that spring up in its absence and the challenge in caring for aging parents, which particularly struck home. She writes how because of the need for work, undocumented people are often the first responders in crises and natural disasters, as in the case of 9/11 clean up efforts, but do so with a high risk of exploitation (to their health and to getting paid) and few means of advocacy. And she shares stories of people living in sanctuary, its indefinite state and challenges and its affects on families. In her introduction, she writes that she approached the interviews not with a journalistic focus but in the spirit of translation, particularly of poetry, to convey her subjects with the warmth, humor, wit, weirdness, and annoying traits they had, to make them more than workers or legal terms, to make them human. A necessary read and so much to think about what and how we can change our systems. One heartbreaking passage that has stuck with me is of the long-term effects of generations of kids being separated from their families:

“Researchers have shown that the flooding of stress hormones resulting from a traumatic separation from your parents at a young age kills off many dendrites and neurons in the brain that results in permanent psychological and physical changes. One psychiatrist I went to told me my brain looked like a tree without branches. So I just think about all of the children who have been separated from their parents, and there’s a lot of us, past and present, and some under more traumatic circumstances than others—like those who are in internment camps right now—and I just imagine us as an army of mutants. We’ve all been touched by this monster, and our brains are forever changed, and we all have trees without branches in there, and what will happen to us? Who will we become? Who will take care of us?”

8. Invisible Bias: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men is a book that is somehow both obvious and illuminating and also vindicating and incredibly frustrating for women to read. Caroline Criado Perez explores the places where we lack gender-specific data for everything from the unexpected planning of snow plow routes to creating clean-energy stoves to filing joint taxes. Some of this women just know intuitively: office spaces are too cold, seat belts are uncomfortable, iPhones rarely fit in pockets or hands, and gosh we do lots of unpaid labor. But it’s fascinating and affirming to see how these standards come about and how they might easily change once we gather the appropriate data and include people in the communities that a product/medicine/service serves to be part of the planning and feedback processes.

9. This year I read two collections by Rebecca Lindenburg, whose work is quiet and yet has loomed large in my mind. The Logan Notebooks (Center for Literary Publishing) in particular is a listy kind of book, in the spirit of Sei Shōnagon’s Pillow Book, a consideration of what makes a poetic subject. Lindenberg’s poems are gatherings on the topics of trees, mountains, insects, winds. On things that matter and things that have lost their power. Set in many kinds of wests, but mostly Utah, Lindenberg chronicles dailyness, the beautiful and impossible things that happen and also the things that are simply there. It’s an easy, meditative book to fall into, and one that grows in loveliness the longer you sit with it.

10. And finally, Rebecca Giggs' Fathoms: The World in a Whale was a dense and slow read and at times a little boring and yet these reasons are part of why it’s stuck with me for so long. The book focuses broadly on humans’ history with and impact on whales, partly in how our trash affects them (one whale was found with a whole greenhouse in its stomach), but also our noise, our tourism, our exploration and excavation of the world, our attitudes toward experiencing nature. She writes that because of her research, “my entire definition of pollution demanded revision." Griggs advocates for a philosophy of conservation that goes beyond "saving the whales" to retaining the "possible contexts in which they can continue their unique behaviors." She writes:"How to care for unmet things would seem to be a key question of this political moment."

My favorite fact: Cow farts release carbon dioxide, but whale poop helps absorb it. Because of ocean pressure, they rise to shallower levels to poop—and the current of their poop stirs up organic matter, bringing it closer to the surface so that it photosynthesizes, accelerating plankton growth and absorbing CO 2. The last 200 years of whaling has significantly depleted whale populations, altering the air and earth's atmosphere. So restoring populations would mitigate climate change—as significantly as trees. (!!!)

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nieves-de-sugui · 10 months

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Thai QL Favorites Tag Game

Tagged by @lurkingshan! A similar thing happened to me, japanese QLs make me go feral xD Anywho, I don't really rewatch stuff and have a tendency to move on from one show to the next, so it's really hard for me to have a favorite. I was surprised myself by the answers I gave :p

Favorite Thai QL: I think this is the hardest one for me because my favorites are always changing. And shows I might've loved in the past maybe don't struck as hard anymore, also I'm not one for rewatches but I guess. If I have to pick a show that currently still makes me go crazy thinking about it I guess it would be either Cupid's Last Wish, Triage or You're My Sky. They give me my favorite tropes and I do rewatch part of them sometimes. And an honorable mention to I Will Knock You for being amazing.

Favorite pairing: Mmmmm. I don't know if I have one. I'll take this as the ffn.net definition of the word. Depite it's flaws I guess I cannot help but be in love with PatPran, they just give me everything. They make me feel all sorts of things inside. I only wish I could separate them from their actors, I've been having some troubles in the suspention of disbelief part of my brain lately. But I am hoping Perth and Chimon's characters do the same in Dangerous Romance, orJimmySea's in Last Twilight. So this might change soon.

Most underrated actor: Uuuuuh. Sing Harit. But idek if he wants to be an actor. I think he's more into music. But everytime I see him I love him.

Favorite main character: In thailand, currently Charn from Laws of Attraction but that's not a QL, it's a lakorn. But he's making me go crazy, I am OBSESSED. If not him though, I guess either Tinn from MSP or Noey Wathplu from IWKY.

Favorite side character: Yok from Not Me. I love that man. I just... I... I can't say anything else. Just. Yok ñkglhjfhdfssfghkjl

Favorite scene in a QL: Bad Buddy rooftop kiss. The emotions that scene made me feel haven't been felt again since. What can I say I'm a fan of angst and facial expression accompanied with very little but poignant dialogue.

Favorite line in a QL: I'm very bad at remembering lines. And there's many that I've loved and that if they were brought up I would be like "oh yeah that stuff was amazing". But since I'm trying to remember on my own a line, there only one that comes to me: "Holy Guacamole!" - said by the housekeeper when finding Leo and Fiat making out with their pants open. Don't Say No. That was so unexpected it stuck to my brain xD

Most anticipated QL (& why): I am an anti-mainstream person and also a hypocrite. Contrary to everyone I come across, I am avoiding OF like the plague 'cause I do not want to have any expectations. I am however looking forward to Last Twilight, cause it's p'Aof and it's about diabilities.

Healthiest relationship in a QL: Dean and Pharm from UWMA. I think they were very healthy in how they approached each other and respected each other's boundaries iirc. I could add WinTEam to that though, I think.

Most toxic relationship in a QL: There's many out there but of the one's I've seen I guess I would say TharnType? They're the first ones to come to mind. But I'm sure there's worse pairs out there.

Guilty pleasure series: I don't really rewatch stuff, so I don't know if there would be any I would consider a guilty pleasure. Mainly because I guess if it was bad and had nice whump that would be one, but thailand doesn't do that too much.

Most underrated series: I Will Knock You. I will die on this hill. That was one heck of a show. It might not be perfect but it stayed true to itself and that was great <3

This was fun I really don't have a lot of favorites, so it was nice to revisit the shows I like and see how they make me feel now.

#tag game #thai ql favorites

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tackyink · 1 year

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Ehe (you can delete my previous ask, because I'm back ♡)

Can I say how much I love the change of povs?? Beginning the chapter with the chaos trio pov was a power move, because nostalgia hit like a train ngl you always have a way to write their interactions with one another so well, it makes my heart full (comfort characters go brr).

These parts?? Chef kiss (uh, spoilers?)

I just love them okay? The fact that Kurama is the one to negotiate because of his pretty face will always be hilarious for me. And the fact that both Yusuke and Kuwabara are a little bit 🤏 scared of Kurama makes everything funnier.

With the whole conversation and shenanigans in the forest, my first thought was that my girl wouldn't be able to do this sober. And I was right! I would also want fried chicken and croquettes. She has a superior taste.

Also, I find her, like Makoto, quite funny. This line:

Wakaba is torn between underpaid-workers (non-paid-workers?) solidarity and not wanting to deal with this bullshit any more than what she had. I respect that. I want to get tattooed the 'these guys were more than just a little pathetic' line /j. (Whoops, just realized there's a typo, after reading this thrice. I am not beta-reader material and it shows) Anyways!

Now, with that left behind, I was a bit surprised about Wakaba's powers, or at least the spiritual awareness (well, not quite, as after the first chapter, it would have been weird she didn't have spiritual awareness), but a welcomed surprise! Even more with the actual nature of her powers (see what I did there? No? I'm sorry I will stop). It was cool, like, really cool. And I am also happy that she did indeed had some ties to the forest!

Also, a silly little question, on my line of silly little questions: does the poem at the beginning have a japanese counterpart? I mean, it's a silly question alright, because japanese poetry is like,, waiting for death to come. But I thought I would ask. It's ok if it is not, I'm just a geek about these sort of things ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)

Looking forward to see how these pathetic men (affectionate) deal with everything now ahaha. Thank you for the chapter <33333 I enjoyed it lots!

Hehe, I'm not deleting it, I'm keeping it for posterity.

I didn't plan it this way, but I think beginning with a more somber Kuwabara was a good contrast with the chaos that was about to ensue for the rest of the chapter. Despite how funny the situation is looking at it from the outside, everybody is so done.

Throwing Kurama to the lions and him suddenly getting a nat 1 in a diplomacy check while the other two are giggling around the corner is probably my favorite part of the chapter. Yusuke made a tactical error anyway, because while people do find Kurama more attractive, out of context Kurama is a highly unnerving person and everybody who's spent two minutes with Kuwabara thinks he's a sweetheart.

Slave labor. It's slave labor and she already doesn't like Koenma. asdfghjk I had to reread three times to catch it, fixed it!

I can't comment on Wakaba's powers without spoiling future stuff, but for all intents and purposes right now she's a regular human having a crisis of, uh... not faith. Atheism? Something like that. Girl's cursed by the supernatural-adjacent.

It's a good question! I've been turning the poem over in my mind since before I began writing the fic proper, but I'm not confident enough in my Japanese to write a haiku and not murder it, and I can't translate it back to Japanese without losing critical info in the process because I wouldn't be able to keep the 5-7-5 syllable format. Take for instance the first verse, "flame lights the last path" (5) becomes 火は最後の道を照らす ("hi wa saigo no michi wo terasu") (12). I'm sure someone with a good handle on the language could come up with something, but that's not me. (ˉ▽ˉ；) I can tell you, however, that the "young leaves" mentioned in the poem are written 若葉 and pronounced "wakaba".

The end of this chapter truly was Sad wet cat of a man (x3). Thanks as always for your lovely comments, they make me so happy! (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

#nya-vivi #tacky asks

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lemonicedthi · 6 months

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japan: the itnerary and the essentials

^ Here's some listening music you can enjoy while reading this (animal crossing soundtrack)

Making the decision to go to Japan was sort of surreal. I think I've always wanted to go to Japan since I was literally 8 years old, but I never conceptualized what I was gonna do there. Planning this trip was a bit chaotic, I realized I didn't even know what I wanted to do, I just wanted to go :0 We (me and two girls I met in HK, Esther and Sofia!) just planned the cities to go to and some locations we wanted to see, but nothing too specific. Now post trip, I can finally take you through our itnerary with spontaneous moments included 😎

Osaka -> Nara -> Kyoto -> Tokyo

Before going, some spots I planned for were:

Deer Park (Nara)

Bamboo Grove (Kyoto)

Monkey Park (Kyoto)

Uji (Kyoto)

Fushimi Inari Taisha (Kyoto)

Go to an Onsen (Kyoto)

Nishiki Market (kyoto)

Tofu ??? (kyoto)

Teamlab (tokyo)

As you can see, not very well researched ..... (T＿T)

But I think this foreshadowed how much I wanted to explore (and stay) in Kyoto since it ended up being my favorite city in Japan by far!!! ♡( ◡‿◡ )

I'll detail my experience in each city on separate posts. I'll have pictures and everything so look forward to it 😎

🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽🌽

Let's go to a segment I like to call :D Things I did that helped me survive in Japan :D

🥬I downloaded the Suica Card on my apple wallet before I went. This is their universal metro card that works on all lines in Japan! You can add money onto it, and I used my mastercard! Unfortunately they dont take visa :( I didn't realize until I got back they were charging an international fee everytime I loaded $ on my card so if you have a no international fees mastercard, you're good 🥲

🥦I also downloaded google translate 🗣️and google maps 🗺️ For google translate, I downloaded japanese and english so I could translate faster if I was looking at a menu or talking to someone who couldn't speak english. Google maps is also great for saving spots you wanna visit and accurate directions!

🥒In terms of the language barrier, I got away with either getting the gist of it, pointing, or using google translate. In more touristy spots, more people spoke english. My most used japanese words were "kon'nichiwa", "arigatōgozaimasu", "hai", and "kādo" (ToT) I know.

#thi-in-japan

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haydennorthrup · 1 year

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🇯🇵 DAY ELEVEN 🇯🇵

As a student, hearing the phrase “last day of class” is always exciting, but today wasn’t one of those days. I don’t think I have ever been so sad for a class to end. I’m just glad that during our 11 days of class I was able to create some irreplaceable memories and some awesome friends.

The last day ended with a bang as we traveled to another one of my most anticipated locations- Kinkakuji. This was one of my most admired temples simply because of the landscape around it. The koi filled pond with numerous little islands housing flowers was something else. We talked about in class how the golden pavilion wasn’t necessarily “Japanese” because it was too flashy, but I really enjoyed the physical appearance. There was something about the black and gold contrast that was able to catch everybody’s eyes. Unfortunately we weren’t able to see Ginkakuji temple, Kinkakuji’s more traditional sibling. I would have enjoyed comparing the two and seeing a vote of who liked which one better after actually seeing them. I remember Professor Hoffert asking which one we all liked better when exploring them in class, and I was the only one to say Kingkakuji.

After Kinkakuji we headed off to the tea ceremony, another thing I’ve been looking forward too all trip. I did my final paper on the tea ceremony, so seeing everything in action after learning all about it was awesome. The one thing I didn’t learn about when researching my paper was the procedure our master had us do before drinking the tea. Before drinking the tea we had to pass it to the right and say “I will be joining you”, and then to the left and say “sorry I’m going before you”. Once the bowl was back in our hands we had to rotate it twice to admire the bowl, take a sip, and then wipe the edge of the bowl with our towel. Another interesting thing I learned is what they served before the tea. While doing my research the internet kept saying a “treat” but wouldn’t specify what that treat was on any site. I was pleasantly surprised when mochi was being passed around; one of my favorite treats I tried in Japan. With this traditional experience, all of us were able to try a new modern idea where the guests can try whisking their own matcha. I did well while whisking, but ended up almost gagging due to how much matcha powder I put in. Nonetheless, it was still a great experience.

Our next destination was Ryanoji temple which housed the most beautiful rock garden I have ever seen. The perfect lines and circles around the rocks were something else. Being able to sit on the edge and reflect was the perfect way to relax halfway through the day. Not only did it have the best rock garden, but it also had the best sliding door painting. Maybe I’m biased because I like these mythical dragons, but this painting was breathtaking. Once again, Japanese art makes my jaw drop.

Our last location for the day was the bamboo forest. Our time spent there was pretty short, as we noticed an even more astonishing location. A group of about 6 of us headed to this huge lake that was surrounded by mountains of trees on the sides. We spotted kayaks from a distance and were determined to rent some as the sun was coming down. Unfortunately like most other things In Japan, they closed super early even though it was a weekend. We made the best out of the situation and all sat on the dock with our feet in the freezing water. Watching the sun set on the water, was the perfect way to close out the day.

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kadoodles-on-ao3 · 1 year

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General Update/Proof I'm Not Dead

Hello once again, and sorry (times 10^10000000000) once again! Life events plus family issues plus holidays, all of which involved a lot of traveling, kept me extremely busy, but now that things have settled down I think I owe everyone (anyone? are you out there?) an update of some kind!

Putting this under a cut because I have not yet decided to figure out how to stop talking so much haha, but tl;dr I'll be trying to get back on the writing horse (get it? because "writing" sounds like "riding"? eh? ...I'm sorry), I plan on releasing my voice line documentation project on June 10th this year, I have a FFXIV crossover project in the works, and I will also do my best to update this blog's Shulkelia content archive as well!

Writing-wise I unfortunately haven't made any progress on my drafts, but I do still have a very (**very**) huge backlog of ideas that I am ever wanting to bring to fruition: of course updating the collab fic (Darklions and I haven't talked for a while unfortunately as he's also been very busy, but rest assured even if he can't work on the fic I definitely can and will finish it myself if I have to!), a rewrite of my first attempt at a fanfic (maybe I should also post the original, as a way to see how much I've improved as a writer since then if at all?), and most of all a series of longfics that will be very dramatic and emotional and deep and most importantly will have titles based on some of my favorite songs I discovered in high school, so look forward to that sometime! Although maybe I'll first try getting one of my shorter and/or goofier ideas done just to practice getting back on track... which would you guys rather read first, a bit of ~intimacy~ from The Two Nerds or a comedic crackfic-I-only-call-a-crackfic-because-it's-wacky-but-I-take-it-wholeheartedly-seriously with the whole gang involved (including the Villain Squad and a little bit of Alvis too)?

Voice-line-project-wise I have slowed down on updating the actual document as I'm working on renaming the audio files in the drive to fully match their transcriptions so as to make them functionally searchable by their filenames (it's explained more in the actual doc haha), but two things of note:

1) I've been considering this for a while, and I've now decided I for sure would like to release it on this year's anniversary of Xenoblade 1, **June 10th**. This is partially for the sentiment of it, partially because there are still audio files missing in the only rip I can find and I'm holding out for the ripper to respond to my DM about finding the others (either themself or teaching me how to find them), partially because after the release of 3 (which I unfortunately still have yet to play!) I think 1's anniversary will be the best time for people to be talking about it and interested in it and therefore actually take a look at the thing I made haha, partially because I still have quite a bit of work left to do until it'll be in a state that perfectionist me would consider acceptable for others to see... and partially because I *may* have set the Google account for the project's birthday to the exact Japanese release date of 1 for fun, and so because the game is at the time of writing only 12 years old, the account is considered a minor's account which means it has restricted access to things (including Youtube. Every time I wanted to listen to music or a video essay I had to do it in an incognito window because my project account is blocked from Youtube outside of Youtube Kids lmao) and it affects what I want the document to look like (specifically with how hyperlinks work), meaning on June 10th both the game and the account will turn 13 and Google allows 13-year-olds to get their accounts upgraded to full accounts so I can finally be free of the curse on that day.

2) I've also been wondering for a while whether or not I should publish a link to it on here so that people can take a look before it's done and give me feedback (which I would very much appreciate!) The Title section is nowhere near finished in places but the vast majority of the thing is done and it feels weird just to keep it locked away like that haha. But also I know hardly anyone reads my blog anyway so it's not like it would matter all that much to share a link. Still, if anyone (anyone?????) out there is reading this, let me know if you want to see it and are willing to critique it!

Other-project-wise I've begun something else because I just cannot help myself haha. But it is Xenoblade-related! Specifically, it's a recreation of the full main cast using Final Fantasy XIV's character creator, down to combing through every piece of armor in the game to find which ones look the most like their clothing *and* are equippable by the jobs/classes I think suit each of them most, ***and*** designing characters based on what I think the XC cast would make if they made their own characters in the game! FFXIV is a wonderful game that is one of the main, *massive* monopolizers of my free time haha (especially since I decided in my insanity to level every combat job to 80, now 90, and I've also been doing high-end raiding with a static) and I love it for a lot of the same reasons I love XC, they just really feel like they go together! Not to mention the fact that *SO* many of XC's voice cast are in FFXIV (Shulk, Fiora, Dunban, Alvis, Egil, and even Colonel Vangarre and Maxis from FC are all in the game, usually voicing major characters!) and so many details in the job design fit with the playstyles of the XC cast, it just feels meant to be haha. Plus the fucking Allagan technology oh my GOD it literally looks fucking EXACTLY like the Monado down to the bright red color and computer chip lines, it is absolutely absurd, there is no way it's not a reference of some kind I refuse to believe otherwise. Pls Square make the next raid tier a XC crossover you know you want to everyone wants it even people who don't know what a Xenoblade is okay got it thank you in advance. So anyway, expect pics of that project to show up sometime in the future! (Oh and I also have had/developed a XC crossover idea for a different game over a very long time as well so I'll be working on thay sometime too but it's more involved since it'd be an actual mod/"dlc" that needs testing and balancing and new assets to be made and such I have too many ideas and not enough time it's a problem)

Oh and this blog! It's supposed to be an archive of Shulkelia content from other people! Yeah! Cool idea, maybe I should actually do that! In all seriousness, I do plan on archiving everything I have on here at some point (there's surprisingly quite a bit of stuff out there! I looked everywhere for hours searching every tag and every website every way I could! But that's absurd and no one should have to do that so that's why the blog is here!) so look forward to that as well!

So I think that's about it! Again I have no idea if anyone is reading this (if so I'm sorry I talk too much haha) but thank you as always for your patience with me, and keep on loving Shulkelia!

#aside #xenoblade #ffxiv #ff14

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just-my-fandom · 3 years

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Heartache (Shouta Aizawa x Pro-Hero! Reader)

A/N: Ooo-kay, finally back from my month long, needed break from writing. I’m kinda attached to MHA at the moment, so that is what I am taking requests for.

Summary; The two times where two of UAs teachers nearly lose their lives to protect their students, mindful of the child they have at home.

Request; Can we have some pro hero love where reader (pro hero) and Mr. Aizawa have a daughter and Thirteen who is readers best friend is said daughters god mom while Present Mic is the god dad plz

Akari- Japanese name meaning “Light”. Readers quirk is the ability to send large waves of energy a selective distance, and shield herself with said energy.

Two months prior- U.A.

“Alright, everyone,”

Shouta Aizawa seemed well too calm this early morning. Too calm despite the fact that he is holding a child on his hip, who looked all too like him.

“Today’s lesson is simple. Based on communication,” He starts, “Communication when it comes to citizens. This lesson will teach you how to comfort an injured or scared citizen during an attack, specifically women and children,”

“Uh, Mr. Aizawa?” Denki Kaminari was first to speak up, hand half raised in confusion, “Why do you have a baby?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Mina leans forward, eyes wide and gleaming happily, “That’s Mr. Aizawas and Neutron Shields baby! She looks just like him,”

“Lets not jump to conclusions,” Shouta hums, but the barely visible smirk on his lips lets his class know that the toddler is, indeed, his own, “I brought Akari here today for the lesson that will be taught. You will all need to learn and know how to comfort a child during an attack if the child has been separated from its parents,”

“Only, however,” Shoutas eyebrow raise causes his students to watch as his daughter leaned against his shoulder and glanced outward to the class, “Akari does have a quirk. It is similar to her mother’s, as Mina predicted, Neutron Shields. Meaning if she were to get defensive, you would have to calm the child from harming herself more, or you,”

“So we’re fighting a little brat,” Bakugou mumbles, rolling his eyes so when he looked back up to his teacher, said mans hair had raised and his eyes glowed red,

“Insult my daughter again,” Shouta threatens, instantly dropping his intimidating act when Akaris hand reaches up to pat his face. With a deep sigh, Shouta looks away from his daughter to his students, “No. Youre not fighting her. Simply consult her into comfort so she knows you’re not a threat. Akaris been taught how to control her quirk on demand,”

Lowering the toddler onto the floor, Shouta steps back as soon as his daughter began to tear up, twisting to reach for her father with quiet sniffles.

“Well?” Shouta eyes the students, when Akari hiccups and looks back to the teenagers, “She’s distressed,”

“I got this,” Kirishima is first to push out of his desk, hands out and steps slow as he approached the child, “Hey, Akari, it’s okay,”

Akari is swift to shake her head and twist her upper body away from the red head. On cue, a purple bubble surrounds herself, Bakugous brows pinching as Dekis mouth dropped, hand reaching over to pat Todorokis shoulder in amazement.

The bubble then expands to hit Kirishima and throw him off his feet, landing hard on his back so Akari blinked and giggled, loudly, the bubble then vanishing.

“Me next!” Mina exclaims, Akaris eyes flicking from the red head and to the pink skinned girl, who knelt down next to Kirishima and opened-closed her hands.

Hesitantly, Akami leant forward onto her hands and knees, ready to crawl up to the girl, but instead blinked so a bubble formed around Mina, the bubble suddenly shrinking so Mina shrieked and pressed her hands to the sides in an attempt to stop the shied like bubble from crushing her.

“Akari,” Shouta speaks up, his daughter blinking so the bubble vanished, her eyes shifting to her father before looking back to the class, Mina exhaling in relief and backing away.

“Come on, shit for brains,” Bakugou scoffs, standing to his feet so Akari stared at him, “We’ve trained with Neutron Shield before. The brats no different,”

“Akari is a child,” Todoroki reminds, on his own feet and stepping forward so Akari instantly reached up, the fire and ice powered male pausing to stare at her.

Her whine when he makes no move to pick her up causes him to do so, Shouta smirking as Akari stared at Bakugou and stuck her thumb into her mouth.

“It seems she has a favorite,”

USJ Training Facility

You weren’t sure what happened. As soon as you were in line of view, two of Shoutas students- Uraraka and Ashido- immediately began to panic from where they knelt down next to Thirteens collapsed figure.

“Mrs. Aizawa!” Mina cries, tears in her eyes as her hand rests on Thirteens shoulder, “Thirteen- she took a hit-!”

You are quick to move next to Ochaco, hand opposite of Minas so Thirteens head turned and her eyes weakly looked up at you,

“Thirteen,” You call, softly, “Hey. It’s okay,”

“I tried to protect them,” Thirteen murmurs, and you nod, sliding your arms beneath hers to heave her to her feet, Mina and Ochaco quick to stick their hands out in case she fell,

“You did,” You promise, “You did amazing, Thirteen,” Your eyes flick to the class, “Where’s Iida?”

“Getting help,” Mina heaves, shakily, “What- what’s going to happen to Thirteen?”

“Shes going to be okay,” You reassure, and shift Thirteens arm around your shoulders so she fell slump against your side, “I’m going to make sure of that,” Your eyes shift to your best friend, “Do you hear me, Thirteen? Akari needs her godmother in her life,”

“I’ll always be here for that angel,” Thirteen breathily laughs, watching as you looked over in alarm at the sounds of fighting, “Eraserhead. He stayed behind,”

“He can hold his own,” You murmur, but the doubt in your tone causes Thirteen to grasp the back of your suit,

“Go help him,” Thirteen demands, extending her free hand for Mina to drape at her shoulders, “I’ll be fine,”

You hesitantly peel away from the pro-hero, glancing between her and where the fighting could be heard, before you sprint down the steps, looking up in time to see Noumu, Shigarakis weapon, on top of your collapsed husband.

“Hey!” You call, raising your hands so a bubble surrounded you, expanding in a rush to hit Noumu so he stumbled off his feet, a good distance away from Shoutas figure.

Protect him. Protect him now.

With quick steps, you throw out a hand that forms a bright (Favorite/Color) bubble, which you slide under and next to Shoutas collapsed form so the bubble shielded both you and him.

“I always wondered when I would get to fight the famous Eraserhead and Neutron Shield at once,” Shigaraki speaks, your eyes shifting over your shoulder where he stood at one end of your bubble, while Noumu stood opposite of his leader,

“But defeating them both?” Shigaraki chuckles, “A dream come true,”

The first punch Noumu sends against your bubble creates severe damage to your shield. It cracks beneath his fist, giving the monster the confidence he needs to continue punching and clawing at the barrier,

“Mrs. Aizawa can’t take them both- not on her own,” Midoryia heaves from his spot in the water, where he, Mineta, and Asui hid a good distance from the battle.

“She has shields!” Mineta reminds, shivering in a panic, “She’ll be fine!”

“Ribbit, her bubble can only take a certain amount of damage before it breaks,” Asui states, “And the damage her shields take, her body takes,”

Where’s All Might when you need him?

With a weak breath, you slide your hand beneath Shoutas head, resting it in your lap as your muscles screamed for you to drop your shields.

“Honey,” You call, pleadingly, free hand resting over Shoutas chest- thankful to feel a heartbeat, “Baby, wake up. Please,”

Looking up, you watch as the top of your bubble cracks and shrivels in defeat, Noumu stepping back enough for the shield to drop and leave not only you, but now Shouta, vulnerable.

With a startled gasp, you raise your hand as Noumu then lunged at you, the shield only protecting your face, so the punch Noumu sends forces you feet back, tumbling backwards and onto your front, leaving Shouta out in the open yet again.

Fingernails grabbing at dirt, you moan out in pain, forcing your arms to push you to sit up, raising your head in time for Noumus claws to latch at your shoulders, shoving you onto your back, his weight forcing you to gasp for air at the pressure of him on your chest,

Raising a hand that clawed at his arm, you are quick to throw a shied, the edge slicing Noumus face so he only jerked back then growled down at you.

With wide eyes, you look over to Shoutas form, then up, at a distanced- “I am here!”

Noumus weight lifts as he departs, your lungs expanding as you gasped, coughing as you sit up, slowly moving up to Shoutas form.

“Help me get him up,” You demand, when Tsuyu and Mineta rush next to you, “Please,”

“Mrs. Aizawa- you’re bleeding!” Mineta stammers, your hand raising to your mouth where blood dripped.

Shaking your head, you allow All Might to take your hand and help you stand, “I’m not worried about me. Get him out of here,”

Camp Attack

Why were you struggling so hard to fight a girl with a knife? Maybe it was because you just couldn’t stomach the thought that your students- your husband were still somewhere in these woods, being attacked by someone else.

Your breaths are shallow by the time you pull yourself from your thoughts. With a hand grasping Togas wrist that held the knife, your eyes wildly search behind you, landing on two of your students,

“Asui, Uraraka, go,” You heave, grunting when Toga shoves at your front, “Go, now!”

Uraraka gasps in fear when Togas foot skillfully hooks around your ankle, jerking so you fell on your back with a pained grunt. Toga is quick to pin over top of you, knife held against the skin of your neck.

“Aren’t you supposed to be a pro-hero?” Toga grins, voice high as you narrow your eyes and suck in a deep breath through the nose, “You’ve gotten weak after having that stupid baby of yours,”

“Do not ever mention my child,” You heave, raising a hand so a shield formed, that instantly vanished when Togas knife slid across your neck, startling you to gasp in quick breaths,

“Mrs. Aizawa!” The two students shriek, your eyes pinching shut as you form a small bubble around you, successfully pushing Toga off of you so you could sit up and cough, hand covered in dark red blood.

You look over and form a bubble around Asui and Uraraka, looking back up at Toga when she giggles, dragging the blood covered knife across the bubble,

“You think a small bubble can stop me from getting what I want?” With a quick jab, the knife plunges into the bubble so you flinched and raised a hand to your neck.

Vision blurry, you blink, the bubble shattering so Toga giggled and lunges forward, not before a tongue shoots out and wraps around her, tossing her to the side and into a tree nearby,

“Mrs. Aizawa!” Uraraka quickly moves next to you, eyes wide as she watches you slowly lower back onto the dirt in defeat, “Mrs. Aizawa, stay awake!” Uraraka looks to Asui, alarmed to find Toga gone, “Tsu, go get help!”

“Uraraka, Asui!” The two girls look over, to find a group- consisting of Midoryia, Todoroki, Bakugou, Shoji, and Tokoyami- rushing towards them, “Come on! We’re heading back to the Camp!”

“Our pace will be slower with two injuries,” Todoroki states, eyes flicking to Midoryia on Shojis back, before he moves to help lift you up, your arms around his and Urarakas shoulders, “We need to find Mr. Aizawa, first and foremost,”

“They said we can use our powers to defend ourselves, and now we have two injured, one being a teacher,” Shoji states, “So don’t let anyone stop you,”

Present

“You shouldn’t be moving around so much,”

You hum through a light laugh, lifting your head from where you rocked back and forth on your feet, your daughter curled against you.

“I’m not dying, Shouta. I’ll be fine,” You feel Akaris hand graze across the stitches at your neck, as you turn to face your husband.

“That’s nothing to joke about,” Shouta steps up, sliding his hands under Akaris arms to peel her away from you and against his own shoulder,

“Just thought I’d give a little pay back for the heart attack you gave me during the USJ incident,” You shrug, frowning at Shoutas glare, “Okay. Sorry. But honestly, honey, I’m okay. Recovery Girl said I should be fully healed by next week,”

“Until then you should be resting,” You roll your eyes at Shoutas statement, turning to then pluck a shirt from your pile of laundry to fold,

“Take your own advance, honey. You haven’t slept a full night in three weeks,” You turn, hand at your hip, “Why don’t we call Hizashi and let him take Akari for a day or two? Give us time to rest?”

“If you want another kid, just ask,” Shouta smirks, your lips parting as he moves around you, laying Akari in her own bed in the corner,

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it,”

“Do I, though?” Shoutas hands rest at your hips, and you smile, hand at his jaw to pull his lips against yours.

“Seriously, though,” You hum, “Hizashi would love to see his god daughter. I promised Thirteen I’d help her with her own recovery,”

“I swear you love Thirteen more than me,”

“Oh, definitely. No questions asked,”

“Fine, go ask her for another kid,”

“Nah, I like my kids to have your attitude,”

“Oh, sure,”

“Really!”

#shouta aizawa x reader angst #shouta aizawa #Shouta Aizawa x reader #Shouta Aizawa one shot #Shouta Aizawa imagine #izuku mydoria #Shigaraki #noumu #all might #present mic #thirteen #uraraka #asui #toga #my hero academia x reader #mha x reader #mha imagines

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souichioneshots · 3 years

Text

Grim Reaper 【Souichi x Reader】 (Fluff)

Souichi claims he's been cursed. Now everything he touches dies! However, that doesn't stop him from spending time with you. Can you hold back from touching the boy and dying? Let's find out~~~!! ahahaha

(I think this counts as affectionate!reader but idk lol)

Souichi carefully held onto the drink in his hand as he sat back down in between your legs.

Resting his body against your soft chest, you wrapped your arms around his waist. He was completely engulfed by your love. Although he was a bit embarrassed at first by how affectionate you could be, it had become a habit for him to want to be so close to you all the time.

【And now back to ‘DEATH’S ASSISTANT’】

Souichi took a sip of his drink as the show you two had been hooked on recently started back up.

It was a Japanese drama about a Grim Reaper who had been assigned a foreign assistant. Apparently, they fell for one another as soon as their eyes met. Every day they tell each other how much they love one another, but because of Death’s curse, he is unable to touch his love. The show depicts their everyday work lives. Showing how far they would go for one another to prove their love, but never being able to be truly affectionate. Souichi wasn’t really into these types of lovey-dovey dramas, but the supernatural antics that it included drew him in deeper and deeper.

【Assistant, we cant! You know if we touch, you’ll die!】

【I would risk dying a million times just to feel your lips pressed against mine even just once, Death~.】

“Guuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!”

Souichi laughed as you pressed your face into the crook of his neck. The scene was so cheesy and overdone, but you loved it. For a morbid girl, you really were a sucker for love stories.

“You’re gonna miss the show if you don’t look up.” Souichi chuckle and patted your head.

Resting your chin on his shoulder, you continued to watch the last few minutes left of the drama.

“Death really outdid it with his outfit today, huh?” Souichi commented.

In today’s episode, Death had been wearing a bright red suit with a black suit-shirt instead of his usual black suit and black tie.

“I think it really suits him.”

“You think everything suits him.”

“Of course. If you’re handsome, then anything and everything looks good on you.”

Souichi lifted his shoulder up towards his head, squishing your face against him.

“Owwww Owowowow!!”

“What’s so handsome about that old actor?”

Souichi finally released the pressure, allowing you to relax.

Pulling your head away from his body, you rubbed your cheeks.

“Hmm…Well, for one his eyes are absolutely beautiful. Thin, sharp, and the dark circles around them make him look so mysterious. And his dark, wavy hair looks so soft! I just want to run my hands through it as mess it up even more.”

Souichi couldn’t help but let out a small laugh as you described what you found attractive about the ‘dreamy man’ on the television. He honestly felt like you were just describing him. He knew you must have a type, but he didn’t think it would be this similar to him every time. You must have felt like you won the jackpot with him.

“But what I really like is the fact that he’s always wearing a suit.” Wrapping your arms back around his waist, you squeezed him a bit “You can tell his assistant also thinks the same thing because she's always staring at him. She just wants to touch him soooo much. But she knows she'll die if she does! Haa~~ I love it!”

Souichi hummed in amusement as he listened to you speak.

Seeing that he fit all the other conditions you looked for in a guy, Souichi thought of a perfect way he could use this little fantasy you love so much for his amusement.

＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿＿

When the next night came, Souichi quickly got to preparing himself. He had asked if he could go over to watch a movie tonight.

He usually didn’t pay much attention to what he wore whenever he hung out alone with you. But tonight, he decided to mix things up a bit.

Making sure he had everything he needed in his pockets, Souichi set off to your house.

Creepily excited laughter slipped from the boy’s lips as he walked down the street by himself. He couldn’t wait to see your reaction when you laid your eyes upon him.

Finally reaching your front door, he knocked.

“Good evening~” Souichi greeted as you opened the door.

Before you could greet the boy back, you froze. Your mouth gaped open and your eyes widened as you looked upon your boyfriend.

“S…SS..S-Suit..Suitsuitsuit…” You brought your hands up to your face, unsure where to place them. This was the first time you had ever seen him wearing such an outfit before.

Finally bringing your hands out towards Souichi, you tried to touch him.

“Ah!” Souichi quickly jumped back. “You can’t.”

A look of worry and confusion grew on your face as the boy rejected your touch.

“Remember when I called you this morning and said I might have messed up a curse?”

You shook your head yes.

“Well, it turns out that as a side effect, whatever I touch now dies almost immediately.”

Leaning against the doorframe, you looked at the boy with a smile of disbelief.

“You’re just copying ‘Death’s Assistant’ aren’t you.”

Souichi hated how well you could read him. But that didn’t mean he was going to admit that you were right. At least not right now.

“No! I swear.” Sliding one hand into his suit pocket, he leaned down onto the grass that covered your front yard. “Every time I touch something as delicate as a flower…” Pulling out his hand from his pocket, he placed it over a daisy that had been growing for some time. “Well... This happens.” Moving back up, Souichi revealed that the flower he touched had shriveled up and died.

“No way…” You whispered as he allowed the dead flower to trickle onto the palm on your hands.

“Yeah…It’s a bummer.” Placing his foot over the real flower still planted in the ground, he tried to hide the evidence. “But I’m sure this curse will wear off by next week. 2 weeks at most.”

You quickly moved to the side as Souichi let himself into your home.

“What are you doing? Wouldn’t it be dangerous for us to be together right now?”

“I’m sure we’ll be fine. As long as we don’t touch that is.” Giving you a smile, Souichi kicked off his shoes and made his way down to your bedroom.

As the raven-haired boy walked down the hall, he moved his hands close to the wall, just barely coming into contact with the wallpaper. He honestly thought it would be really cool if he could make the wallpaper roll up and crumble into pieces just from touching it. Just like in the drama. Perhaps there really was a curse out there that would give him that ability.

Finally reaching your room, he took ahold of the door handle and gestured for you to go in first. Being in a suit really did make him feel like more of a gentleman. It was kind of fun.

Sitting on your bed, Souichi watched as you set up the DVD player.

He tried to hold back his foolish laughter as he thought about how miserable you were going to be all night from not being able to touch him.

You. The girl who could barely go 5 minutes without at least leaning against his shoulder, was now being forced to keep her hands to herself in order to avoid never waking up again.

This was gonna be hilarious.

“So, lemme ask you.” You pulled the boy out of his own little world as you sat on the bed with him. “Why the suit?”

“The suit? Oh. Umm…” Souichi’s mind froze for a second. He was going to say an excuse that all his other clothes suddenly turn to dust when he touched them, but now that sounded extremely stupid and unbelievable. Especially since he was able to touch your bedsheets with no problem. “…To match the whole ‘death’ theme...”

“Oh~ That makes sense. Always gotta be prepared for a funeral when everything you touch dies, right?”

“Exactly!”

Souichi let out a small sigh of relief as you commented an equally believable reason for the suit. He was glad you were almost always on the same level as him.

Finally dropping the subject, you pressed the button on the remote for the movie to play.

Souichi tapped his finger against the bed in annoyance as you kept a good amount of distance from him. It didn’t seem like you would try to touch him any time soon.

Looks like he needed to take things up a notch if he wanted to have some real fun.

Leaning forward, he swiftly took off his black jacket. You quickly ducked as his hand almost came in contact with your head.

Leaning his arm on your pillow, he relaxed his body. A single nail stayed poking out from between his lips, making it look like he was smoking.

Souichi couldn't help but smile as he saw you take quick glances at him. Your eyes kept moving from his pants to his white suit shirt, and finally to his face. He could see a blush spread across your cheeks as you quickly turned away from him, avoiding his gaze. You looked completely head over heels for him.

Sliding to the side, you leaned ever so close to the boy.

“Does the ‘being killed on the spot’ rule apply even over clothes~?” A blush spread across his pale face as you whispered in his ear, making sure not to come into direct contact with his shoulder. He could see your hand hovering over his suit pants, craving to touch the expensive-looking material.

Did you really not believe him or were you just begging to die?

Moving a bit away from you, he replied. “Probably not a good idea. Haven’t tested that out yet…” He let out a little laugh as he mentioned how awkward it would be for him to have to wake up your family and tell them that he killed you by accident.

Souichi looked from the corner of his eyes as you let out a small sigh and moved back into your own little space. This sudden rule of no touching looked like it was taking a toll on you.

Honestly, he was expecting you to be a bit more excited by this situation. After all, this was one of your favorite fantasies. To love one another, but never be able to touch unless you were willing to die on the spot. You should be spewing cheesy lines like in the drama, not sulking.

Moving the nails against his teeth, he tried to think of a way to fix things. After all, this wouldn’t be fun if you got too sad and decided to stop acting like your usual self halfway through the night.

Moving his arm out towards you, he pulled on the edge of his suit jacket.

“I think it’d be fine if you held onto this though…” He turned his face to the side, trying to hide his blush as you smiled once again.

Throughout the movie, Souichi kept his arm up in the air as you happily held onto his jacket. His body felt oddly unsatisfied from not being properly touched by you. But, this was his own fault for deciding to go through with such a cold prank.

You both stayed surprisingly calm and silent as the movie played on.

Souichi kept the nails in his mouth pressed tightly against his teeth as he kept his eyes on the screen. The movie you chose wasn’t half bad at all. The effects, the props, the acting. All very realistic. To be expected from new foreign movies.

However, this feeling of calmness didn’t last long as an unnecessarily long make-out scene between the main characters had started up again. Another specialty of foreign horror movies. The acting for these scenes just had to be extremely believable as well…

Souichi tensed up a bit as he felt you let go of his jacket, finally allowing him to rest his hand back down near his body.

It wasn’t that he disliked these types of scenes. But something about watching them alone with you always made him feel a bit restless.

Souichi moved his legs closer to his body, trying to get in a more comfortable position. He really regretted starting this whole ‘touch me and you’ll die’ prank now.

Pulling on the black-tie wrapped around his neck, he tried to calm himself down.

“People get really horny right before they die, huh?…”

Souichi noticed you jolt a bit at the sound of his voice. All he got in response from you was a little ‘yeah’ and an awkward laugh.

As the teens on the screen started to undress, Souichi noticed you also start to fidget around in your spot. You looked like you wanted to sit closer to him, but you knew you couldn’t.

Shakily bringing your hand over his leg again, you whispered. “Are you sure I’ll die if I touch you over your clothes?...”

This time he didn’t say anything. Instead, he just moved his leg closer to you, giving you an okay to try and touch him.

He watched as you cautiously placed the tips of your fingers on his knee. You let out a sigh of relief as you realized you were going to die from touching him over his clothes.

Careful not to accidentally touch any part of his body not covered by his clothes, you turned towards his.

Pinching the fabric of his suit jacket, you pulled his hand up. Souichi’s heartbeat sped up as you moved his bare hand to touch your clothed breast.

“Looks like it works both ways. As long as your skin doesn’t come into direct contact with mine, I’ll be just fine.”

Souichi’s eyes followed your hands as they moved back towards his pants once more.

You were really pushing the envelope.

But, if you were gonna play like that, then he saw no harm in playing along as well.

Sliding his hand down from your chest to your waist, he pulled you to come closer to him.

“That means we can’t do anything more than this though…” Souichi whisper as he inched his face closer to yours. “We should stop now before we do something that can’t be undone.” He teased you with lies, practically ordering you to go further.

“You don’t wanna die from one of my curses, do you?”

“It’d be a blessing to die from one of your curses…”

Something within Souichi switched on as he heard you whisper your confession to him. That felt like the most romantic thing you'd ever said to him.

Without saying another word, Souichi pressed his lips against yours. To think he was the one who ended up not being able to hold back from you this time.

Suddenly, pressing your hands against his shoulder, you pushed yourself away from the kiss.

“Agk! My heart!” Holding your hand against your chest, you threw yourself back to lay on the bed. “I…I!!! Gah…”

Souichi couldn’t help but laugh as you pretended to die in an over-exaggerated manner.

You opened one of your eyes, looked at the boy, and then closed it again. Souichi could see you trying your best to hold back a smile as you laid perfectly still.

“You knew I wasn’t cursed the entire time, didn’t you?”

“...Was it that obvious?” You laughed a bit as you finally sat back up.

“When did you figure out I was lying?”

“Hmm~”

You just hummed and swayed your head side to side. Not telling him when you knew for a fact he was not actually cursed.

“If I can be honest, you should have said something more believable for the suit. Then maybe I would have believed you completely." Leaning up against the boy you thought for a second. "Like umm... All your other clothes disintegrated the second you touched them. But because you've worn this suit to a funeral before, it was the only thing that stayed intact."

"Ahh!! I swear I was gonna say that!!"

You let out a hum and looked at the boy once again with a smile of disbelief.

"I swear!"

Getting up from the bed, he put on his suit jacket again.

"Let's restart." He sat back down on the edge of your bed. "Ask me why I'm wearing a suit."

"Okay." You also moved to sit on the edge, next to him. "Hey, Souichi. Why are you--" Unconsciously, your hand brushed up against his. "AGK!" You threw your body back and pretended to die again.

"No!! Y/N!!" He picked you up by your shoulders and forced you to sit back up. "Again."

As his hands moved away from your shoulders, he accidentally touched your neck. Making you jump back again.

"Agggkk!!"

"Stop dying!!" He yelled as you held your hand up to your neck and pretended to choke and die.

Souichi let out a loud groan as you continued to laugh at his frustrated expression.

This prank wasn't as funny as he thought it would be.

#souichi x reader #souichi tsujii x reader #fluff #this is stupid #but oh well #lots of misspells for sure #but i tried man #10 pages of work is a pain to check

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