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gelatomesomeironqrow · 2 years

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My Honest review of Kinnporsche Ep 14 and of the series all together.

I highly enjoyed this series, would I say it lived up to the hype? No. It came close but it definitely got overhyped. Did I stop that from letting me enjoy the series? Also no. I'm the type of person who tries their best to let the work speak for itself and not be influenced by everyone else's reviews. So I hope you all can do the same. Enjoy the series for what it is. A gay mafia show. Literally, that is what Kinnporsche is. A mafia story about the heir to the main family and his bodyguard falling in love. The rest of it is either a bonus side story or a "why did they put this in here?" Side story. Not everyone is going to enjoy everything in a series. Will that stop me from watching the series again or recommending it to people who enjoy BL's? No. Because the side stories are there for people who would like that kind of thing. So please people. Just enjoy Kinnporsche and stop worrying about the series finale(?). The actors, film crew, set design, costume design did a phenomenal job and that alone should be applauded.

Moving on, my thoughts and opinions of episode 14.

Honestly, for a finale, it was pretty good. A couple of weird story decisions but hey, it is what it is.

So basically I've decided to take this episode with a grain of salt. I'm extremely happy that Kinn and Porsche get to live out their gay mafia dreams together (although neither of them wanted to be in the mafia at all (Kinn's dream was to be a singer, Porsche wanted to open a bar on the beach)) but they decided to change their dream so they could be together and I think that's beautiful.

Kinn saying that there is no more main family and minor family because they are going to become one. Like did the dude seriously propose in the mafiaest/corniest way possible using the mafia family rings?? Because I'm here for it. Porsche being all like "I'm on your side". They are married your honor. I rest my case.

The three brothers in one room at the same time and none of them know how to act brotherly towards one another. Seriously, Kim, I applaud your efforts to be compassionate. Kinn, you get a C- for trying. The awkward hand pat, I just can't. But everyone grieves in their own way.

Speaking of:

He wins the category of: he deserved better, Big being a close second (he lost points when he briefly tried to use homophobia to get Porsche away from Kinn).

More awards: the winner of most badass character:

Detective Kim who doubles as secret agent man by day, musician by night. God he is so pretty to look at and a force to be reckoned with when you come for Porchay.

Speaking of: Most oblivious character award goes to:

Seriously, Porchay, you didnt even know Kim was there? At all? Like the dude was sitting at the bar in the shadows like the secret agent he is but still. You need to gain some self awareness.

Also side note: I dont really ship these two characters together. They lead two very different lives. That being said, would I watch a series starring Porchay fumbling through life trying to be normal with secret agent man Kim trying and often times succeeding in keeping him safe without Porchay ever knowing he was there and just seeing the destruction and chaos Kim leaves behind? Yes. Yes I would.

Moving on: Kinn. Sweetheart. This is what I meant when I said, without Porsche, I fear for the people around Kinn.

The literal next thing this man does is shoot two of the main family's partners (with one bullet) for the suggestion of handing over his ring to his uncle. The man can become unhinged if Porsche is not in his life. So let's all hope to whatever higher being you all pray to, that nothing ever happens to Porsche. God, what was Kinn like before Porsche again? Oh yeah, he was just slightly unhinged but still holding himself together.

Going back to my little awards:

The couple I simultaneously didnt want together but also wanted together goes to: Vegas and Pete.

I love the characters on their own but together they are/were a hot mess.

Like Vegas is clearly a psychopath and while he was verbally and physically abused by his father. He still chose to make horrible decisions. However, the few times he made decisions for other people, ie, helping Porsche (for realsies this time), he was actually helpful and almost kind. The relationship between Vegas and Pete started off with torture and kidnapping. While the show tried to downplay that and turn their relationship into a consensual BDSM relationship. I still can't ignore the book. I havent read it but from what I've heard, it's clearly Stockholm syndrome. And even though they downplayed it. The signs are still there. So for that reason, I didn't want them to be together.

BUT.

Seeing this scene, they can really make this relationship work. They (being Pete and Vegas) can heal together and move past the events from before. Vegas can improve his mental state with Pete's help. Macau can help protect Pete if Vegas slips. I do however, also fear for anyone in Vegas' path if something were to happen to Pete. Because while Kinn might go unhinged, Vegas is already unhinged and will not hesitate to harm the people around him and that includes himself. So before VegasPete shippers jump down my throat. Please note. I do love these two characters and I have hope for their future therapy sessions. I just worry about how they started and how that will most likely effect them for a long time.

Now. For the grain of salt.

I love good story telling and I feel like the book will give me better insight to this particular story direction. But. And I mean this in a "love the series, you all did great sweeties" kind of way. But what the f*** was that?

This story line honestly lost me. I don't get why it was done the way it was done. I think it could have been explained a bit better and perhaps it's a lost in translation kind of thing but. First of all. Their mom is alive. I get that. What I dont get, is "oh she took a bunch of pills and now has amnesia because of it." Like. No. No that is not the reason. Taking pills can mess with you sure, but I've never heard of someone taking pills to off themselves, only having memory loss because of it. Anyways, that isn't my issue with the story. My issue is that throughout the entire series, we get no inclination that Uncle Gun here is obsessed with Porsche's mother. We get "oh by the way, I saw a picture of her on my dad's desk, lol" moment from Vegas, we get that he is abusive towards Vegas and possibly Macau. But never before the last episode do we get, obsessive sexual offender vibes from the man. Every time he is on the screen prior to episode 14, he is calm and composed (unless yelling at Vegas). In episode 14, they take his character and do a 180 degree flip and turn him into "nows my chance to get "revenge"/seize power from my brother"/"You're alive, sobs, I thought you were dead, sobs, come here, I'll protect you" character. So it's like they did a character rewrite/assassination on the guy. Speaking of, Kinn's dad. Seriously? You really think Porsche would have ran and told Gun where his mother was if you had just told him that his mother was alive and due to traumatic events I'm protecting her? No. The guy just wanted to know how his parents died. Why did you have to give him the run around? Why did you have to continue to give him the run around until he quite literally saw his mother alive. You didnt need to tell him that the man who hit his parents is alive and give him the address. You then didnt have to tell him she was dead when he confronted you. Seriously people. Communication is key. Also, for someone who wouldnt shoot his brother at the table, you certainly had no problem shooting him then.

Anyways, her memory loss is due to trauma and not wanting to remember, not the pills. I hope now that she has her children back, she can get her memory back.

So minus that confusing and pointless story direction, I do highly recommend this series to anyone who wants to see gay mafia members find love and ignore the bafflement of that story line. The series is available on IQIYI.

Gelato out.

#gelato blogs #kinnporsche: the series #kinnporsche ep 14 #kinn #porsche #vegas #pete #kim #porchay #these are my thoughts and opinions #which most likely differ from yours #kinnporsche spoilers

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linkspooky · 3 years

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Yuji, Alone.

I have been saying in my past few meta that Yuji has a really unhealthy way of viewing both himself, and his relationships with others. Yuji is excellent at reading the feelings of others and empathizing with them, and at the same time terrible at processing his own emotions, a trait he shares with Geto who he is once again paralleling this chapter by choosing to stew in isolation rather than reach out for support.

Chapter 138 does an excellent job of showing how deep these issues run, which I will explain under the cut.

1. Yuji and Geto

If I were to explain the unhealthy mindset Yuji has by simplifying it down to one sentenence, simply stated it would be “I want to help others, but I don’t want to accept help from other people.”

Both Yuji and Geto are so motivated by empathy they feel like they are responsible for solving other people’s problems, and they often use other people rather than themselves as a reason to move. They’re actually selfless to a fault. In that, it’s a problem in their behavior. They do everything they do for other peope, so they have no idea what they themselves want. If Gojo is someone who has a strong self image, a strong set of beliefs, an idea of what he wants to do to the world, Geto and Yuji are people who try not to think about themselves at all.

Not only does Yuji almost never critically exam his own motivations, but he also doesn’t think of his relationships with other people.

This is something Yaga pointed out as a danger with Yuji’s way of going about things, all the way at the beginning of his arc. If you’re doing it because your grandpa told you so, then is it really something you want to do? When you die, is it going to be your grandpa’s fault too?

Yuji is someone who seems selfless on the surface, and to an extent he is, but just like Geto that’s not all there is to him. It’s something Gojo called out early on, Geto presented himself as someone selfless, motivated entirely by using his powers to protect others, but he was also doing so self righteously.

To clarify what I mean by self righteous, Geto believed that he was doing something because it was the objective right thing to do, but actually it was just his own personal feelings. That’s why after Riko’s death forced him to critically examine himself, he realized he didn’t want to follow the rules of Jujutsu Society.

Both Yuji and Geto pay attention to others, but also have the blinders on in regards to themselves, and that’s the parallel right there. Yuji says he is doing these things for other people, that his number one priority is to save them but that motivation is even deconstructed in the third chapter.

Yuji’s not actually doing this for purely altruistic reasons, but for selfish ones. He wanted to do something that nobody else could do. Yuji’s life was like a vaccuum before this point. He didn’t have any real friends, or anything he wanted to do. Suddenly he had a purpose basically gift wrapped and handed to him on his lap.

Basically, Yuji and Geto both have this schewed way of seeing other people. They thing other people exist to validate their own existences.

To put it simply. If Hidden Inventory Geto helps weak people than he’s valid. If Yuji helps people, then he’s valid.

Not only is the way they view themselves built around how they help other people, but at the same time all of their relationships are built up on this as well. Relationships that are built upon shaky foundations will crumble apart easily when tested.

Geto’s most important relationship was with Gojo, they had an intense chemistry and interaction with one another like they were made for each other. They were both good at naturally balancing each other out, Geto was the one who stood up to Gojo and acted like a tether, and Gojo ackonwledged Geto as his one and only.

However, the relationship was also built on the idea that Gojo needed Geto. Geto was only able to view his relationships with other people in that way. Geto, wants to take care of people, wants to help people. However, eventually, he was left behind by Gojo who no longer needed him as a partner in combat. On top of that, Geto awoke to a higher purpose in ridding the world of cursed energy. Geto wants to be needed by somebody in the same sense that Yuji does, so for Geto at least being needed to save the whole world in his eyes, was just more important than maintaining his relationship with Gojo.

Which is why both Geto and Yuji’s relationships fall apart. They are great at making relationshisps, but not at maintaining them. Attention is drawn to the fact that the trio has great chemistry with each other and get along well, but they’re also terrible at communicating with each other.

"The seats... in my life... How should I put this? I don't want my heart to be affected by people who don't have a place there. Does that sound cold? Well, I guess there are also guys like you who brings their own chair and takes a seat." Translation by Miho.

Almost literally, I don’t want anyone who’s not a part of my life to try to talk to me or tell me what to do. Also the reference that Yuji is kind of different because Yuji just kind of walked into her life unannounced and invited himself there (this is how Yuji forms relationships with everyone.)

All three of them go behind each other’s backs and keep secrets from one another. All three of them avoid direct confrontation, Nobara even says she doesn’t really want anyone else even trying to tell her how to live her life. The Origin of Obedience arc shows that Nobara, Yuji and Megumi are all good at fighting together as a team, but also questioning if they have a healthy friendship outside of that?

Any relationship takes work, confrontation, arguments and even just plain old talking about things. However, someone who is primarily insecure in their relationships will not be able to do things. Couples shouldn’t only argue, but couples who never argue is just as unhealthy. If you are so afraid that one argument is going to end a relationship, then your relationship was fragile to begin with.

Yuji and Geto experience conditional relatinoships. In the sense that, they are only allowed to have friends, if they are helpful to those friends. They themselves are never allowed to ask for help. It’s true that Gojo was kind of blind to Geto’s faults, but also Geto would have never asked for help. Gojo could not see, and Geto deliberately hid things from them.

Geto always makes his relationships on the condition that he is needed. When Gojo grew more independent, Geto took that as a sign that Gojo didn’t need him anymore and deliberately started to pull away.

Because, Geto isn’t ever allowed to be the one who needs someone else.

2. Avoidant Attachment

This is just a personal theory of mine, but I think Yuji’s issues might even center around the psychological idea of attachment theory. Especially it’s since deliberately mentioned to Junpei, that Yuji never met his mother.

Attachment theory is a complex idea, but basically it states that attachment to other people, that is the idea to form healthy relationships with family members, friends, romantic partners is learned instead of naturally present in us. It’s a skill people develop in their formative years.

Those who show patterns of problematic attachment in childhood will continue the behavior into adulthood unless it’s corrected, because attachment is a skill that’s developed the same as anything else. Of the four categories, Yuji and Geto most resemble this one.

Avoidant attachment: Children with an avoidant attachment tend to avoid parents or caregivers, showing no preference between a caregiver and a complete stranger. This attachment style might be a result of abusive or neglectful caregivers. Children who are punished for relying on a caregiver will learn to avoid seeking help in the future.

Which goes further to explain how they can be so empathic towards other people, and yet the same time completely unable to maintain close relationships with them. It’s because, they avoid people at the same time. They don’t seek out help when they need it, because, deep down they view themselves as unworthy of the help.

Geto did not immediately break after the trauma of losing Riko, it was the year of isolation after that where he slowly was consumed by his regrets. Geto got worse and worse over a period of time because he couldn’t handle his trauma in any healthy way, until he just completely snapped.

During that time he asked himself the same questions over and over again, but Geto wasn’t able to find any kind of healthy answer to his questions because, he didn’t reach out for anybody. It wasn’t just the trauma, it was the behavior after the trauma, the decision to isolate himself for over a year. No one does well in isolation. You need other people to grow or develop. If anything Geto stagnated. Geto’s central flaw was his self-righteousness. Rather than realizing he was wrong and trying to change this flaw of his, he just doubles down and becomes even more self righteous. He goes from believing he’s responsible for protecting all the weak people, to believing he’s a superior being tasked with eliminating all the weak people in the world. So, it’s not really that Geto changed, moreso that he stagnated because he cut off all his relationships with other people.

And isn’t Yuji doing the exact same thing right now? Yaga even points out this similaritiy between Geto and Yuji, that they try to carry every regret and burden they have on their own.

It’s not out of selflessness that they do this though, but rather insecurity. Geto didn’t come to Gojo with his problems, because he wanted to be the strongest alongside Gojo he didn’t want to be weak. He was deliberately avoiding Gojo.

I think it’s important to establish that Yuji wasn’t abandoned by his friends this chapter. Yuji is alone, because he chose to be alone. He’s alone because he’s avoiding both of his friends, because he’s so, so afraid the friendship will end because it’s based entirely on the condition that he be a helpful, good person.

It’s true that Yuji is genuinely worried about his friends getting hurt because of him, but look at his choices. He’s not really tackling the problem in a healthy way. He’s doing everything he can to avoid the problem, isolating himself, and just trying not to think about things. He could try to talk with Megumi and find a solution, but he’s not doing that because he’s insecure in his attachment to others.

I think his reaction to Choso pretty clearly illustrates this too. Yuji isn’t around his friends because he doesn’t want to be around them. Which is tragic, because Yuji is holding himself responsible for the mass murder which isn’t really his fault. However, Yuji saw his relationship with both Nobara and Megumi as conditional to begin with. He can only be friends with people he can help, and he can never receive help from them. It’s unhealthy to start with because relationships go both ways. Yuji is also, completely unresponsive to Choso.

Yes. Choso suddenly walking to him and delcaring them brothers is really weird. I don’t expect Yuji to just suddenly start getting along with him right away.

At the same time, Choso explains what the unconditional love between family is between Yuji, and Yuji just doesn’t get it, because he either hasn’t experienced enough of it, or his grandpa the only person that ever unconditionally loved him is gone. Yuji can’t understand Megumi’s love for him is unconditional,. because from the beginning he sees all relationships as conditional.

Yuji and Choso are facing opposite direcitons because they’re opposites. Choso is willing to hurt complete strangers too, but his love for his family is unconditional and he will do anything for them. Yuji will help complete strangers, but, he doesn’t really understand unconditional love, and even his love with his closest friends has a few conditions.

Which is why someone who appears on the surface as such a friendly guy who makes friends everywhere he goes, can call himself “a loner” because in Yuji’s mind he is. He doesn’t have friends, he has people who need him.

Which is just incredibly sad because Yuji doesn’t understand this. Yuji isolates himself thinking he’s doing it for the sake of his friends, but neither Megumi nor Nobara would want him to be alone.

#yuji itadori #megumi fushigoro #kugisaki nobara #suguru geto #choso #jjk meta #jujutsu kaisen meta #jjk 138 #jujutsu kaisen 138 #jujutsu kaisen

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maddiwrites · 3 years

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The Hybrid (Prologue)

Pairing: JJ x Reader

Summary: The Pogues rekindle their friendship with their old childhood best friend and JJ’s first crush, Y/N. Old feelings resurface for JJ and Y/N, possibly leading to a summer neither one of them could ever forget. Due to past trauma, Y/N is reluctant to let anyone into her heart, but JJ never backs down from a challenge, even if he knows it will come back to haunt him in the end.

Note: So happy to be back with another series!!! I honestly really missed posting. Unlike Secrets of the Shore, updates will be slower because I don’t have them all written out yet. A couple things I wanted to let you know before you read. I based Y/N’s family off of Gilmore Girls. I thought they were the perfect fit for this story and the show in general and I just love their dynamic. (Including Luke who I renamed Steve for obvious reasons). Chapter 1 will explain more obviously but I wanted to give you guys a little snippet of the characters and relationships. So let me know what y'all think!

Word Count: 3.3k

Outer Banks. Paradise on Earth. It's the sort of place where you either have two jobs or two houses. Two tribes, one island. As you know, the Outer Banks is essentially divided into two groups. If we want to be blunt - it’s the rich and the poor. Figure Eight is home to the rich. Aka the Kooks. With houses bigger than necessary with extra rooms that go untouched, boats the size of homes on the Cut - the other side of the island. Most people who live on Figure Eight are your naturally raised assholes. People who don’t know the value of a dollar and take advantage of people who do most of their dirty work that lets them prance around the island with perfectly manicured fingernails. These hard workers are the Pogues. They live on the south side of the island where most Kooks wouldn’t be found dead. They serve fancy meals at the country club for shitty tips, mow lawns, and work their asses off at any other job for minimum wage. The drastic difference in lifestyles tend to cause many spats and arguments between the two communities. Especially between the teenagers who still don’t know how to control their raging emotions or know when to bite back their tongue. For the Kooks, every fight is a fight for dominance where as the Pogues fight for equality - to put the Kooks in their place. Many of these fights happen at summer parties where the two groups clash to find a good time with their friends filled with alcohol, drugs, and good music.

That’s where they find themselves tonight. The infamous Pogues. John B, JJ, Kie, Pope, and now Sarah Cameron. Although born a natural Kook, she’s earned her spot next to the adventurous teens and her boyfriend. Unlike her brother Rafe who basically is the leader of his notorious group. Topper and Kelce are his best friends who follow him blindly.

The Pogues watch them from their spot surrounding the keg. Kie purses her lips in distaste as the boys cat call for the ladies around them. Somehow most of them finding it flattering. Sarah sips on her beer to hide her embarrassment, often wondering how she and her brother grew up to be so different. Pope and John B stay mostly disinterested, only worried if they try to make a pass at an unwilling girl or fire a degrading comment at their short tempered friend. JJ Maybank is known around the island for his trouble making behavior. Usually if he gets in trouble for fights, no one ever asks who the other people were in the scuffle. Because if JJ Maybank is in the fight, he’s the one who started it, right? Wrong. In fact, JJ usually is never the one to start it. He’s good at keeping his head down and only speaking when spoken to when it comes to the Kooks - the only form of advice worth taking from his father. But his short temper is something the Kooks his age loved to take advantage of because they liked getting a rise out of him. It was like an adrenaline rush.

Luckily, tonight both groups were keeping their distance, either only talking to each other or random Tourons that have found their way to the party. This is usually JJ’s favorite part of a boneyard party. Finding his one fish in a sea of many that he can reel in just for the night and never have to worry about seeing them again.

He has his eyes set on a beautiful blonde making her way to the bonfire when all of a sudden Kie’s voice pulls him out of his trance.

“What’s she doing here?”

JJ follows her line of vision, spotting you walking down the wooden steps that lead to the beach, pulling your best friend behind you by his wrist. He first notices your smile and how it brightens up your entire face. Then of course his eyes scan down your slim but athletically toned body. You’re wearing a pair of jean shorts and a cropped white T shirt that says UNC across the chest. Who knew someone could look so good without even trying?

Well JJ did. He’s known it for a while.

“Careful. I think you’re drooling,” John B whispers in his best friend’s ear.

JJ pushes him away and mutters, “Shut up. No I’m not.”

But maybe he was.

Y/N Y/L/N is a unique resident of the island. Unlike majority of the island, she doesn’t fall in either Kook or Pogue category. She’s what everyone calls the Hybrid.

People who work hard for what they have but haven’t fallen to be Pogue status. Quite literally living in the middle in a place they call the Crest.

Your story is well versed among the gossipers of the island (which tends to be just about everybody). And mainly that’s because of who your grandparents are. Claude and Doris Y/L/N. Two of the riches people on the island, living in a three story house on the beach. Many people fear them, others envy them. Most feel both. Even Ward Cameron walks on egg shells around them, which is quite often, considering he works for Claude. They’re the kind of people who have never heard of Barefoot wine or Walmart. They keep their noses up and turn a blind eye to the suffering communities around them. Thirty four years ago, Doris gave birth to a daughter that couldn’t be more opposite than them. Lorelai Y/L/N was a wild child. A rule breaker. She snuck out at nights, dated boys her parents would never approve of, dabbled in breaking the law here and there. It didn’t matter how many times her parents disciplined her. She always managed to make her parents’ life a living hell.

No one was surprised when word got passed around that Lorelai had gotten pregnant at eighteen. Although it was with another Kook, she brought shame upon her family name when she refused to get an abortion, even when her mom tried dragging her by her hair.

Lorelai risked everything by running away from her parents’ home in the middle of a windy night. With only one suitcase, the baby daddy out of the picture, and less than a grand in her pocket, she managed to make a life for herself on the South side of the island. She worked two jobs, found an affordable apartment for cheap rent, and managed to save some money before her babies were born.

Yes, babies. As in more than one. Five months after running away from home, she gave birth to twin girls and they instantly became her entire life. With the help of her best friend Steve, who she met one month after being on her own, meeting him at his automotive shop when she very much literally rolled her junky car into the garage, she raised you and your sister on the Cut. The two of you are her greatest accomplishment. Every now and then, she mentally throws up a middle finger to everybody who doubted her, proud of who the two of you have become.

Right before you turned ten, your mom took a business risk and opened her own Cafe. The Bikini Beans cafe, very popular amongst both Kooks and Pogues. The business did so well that she was able to move the three of you out of your shitty apartment into a beautiful one story home with three bedrooms in between the Cut and Figure Eight, aka the Crest, the summer going into your freshman year.

You actually used to be best friends with John B Routledge, JJ Maybank, and Pope Heyward. It was easier being friends with them than the girls, finding more joy in sports and rough housing than makeup and gossip.

Doing the same summer that you moved, your mom pulled you out of Kildare County High and placed you in Outer Banks Private Academy. Aka Kook Academy. Around this time, your grandparents had also become more involved in your life, and you wondered if they had somehow bribed your mom into forcing you to transfer schools. You tried asking her during one of your many fights that started with you begging her to keep you at Kildare County High, but she quickly shut you down and told you to be grateful. That was ironic coming from the woman who ran away from the people giving her an expensive high school career.

You had no choice but to do what your grandparents wanted and attend Kook Academy. Making friends was a lot harder there than it was in Kildare County High. You managed to make one friend in your freshman year. Andre Cortez. Due to an incident a couple years back, you built thick walls and Andre was the only one able to break them down. You were grateful for your friendship, but hanging out with him was nothing like hanging out with the Pogues.

When you transferred schools, you lost touch with the Pogues slowly. Your life became busy with school and playing dress up for your grandparents and the boys were starting to work. Eventually all contact was cut and ever since, you’ve felt a void in your heart.

“Look,” You tell Andre. “I told you I would be your wing woman and I’m not backing down from what could possibly be the most important role in my life.”

You didn’t notice the Pogues or any of the stares around you. It’s true you’re not much of a party girl. I mean, you’ll go out here and there, have a drink or two, but you felt more comfortable at places where you weren’t surrounded by drunk and horny teenagers.

“He’s probably not even here,” Andre says. He’s trying to look nonchalant but you notice the way his eyes dance from face to face of the people around him.

“He told you he was going to be here, right?” You ask him with one brow raised. Andre nods. “Then, we’ll find him.”

Sarah and Kie never made any effort to talk to you at school, but to be fair, neither have you. You’ve heard mixed reviews, some people call them spoiled brats, ungrateful...some even go as far as calling them ‘The Cut Sluts.’ Of course you never take any of those things to heart. You can’t judge a book but it's cover. Plus, they’re friends with your old best friends. They can’t be that bad for John B and JJ and Pope to be hanging out with them, right?

“You think she'll come over here?” Kie asks. No one’s ever said it out loud, but her friends wonder if deep down, Kie was a little jealous of you. Because you were their first real girl friend. You were the first girl they ever let in and opened their heart too. That was a tough pill for Kie to swallow when she originally thought she was that girl. Of course the boys don’t like you any more than Kie and vice versa. But sometimes Kie wishes she could have grown up with the boys the same way you had.

“Probably not. Unless she’s drinking,” Pope says and motions towards the keg they’re near.

“I have an idea,” John B says and fills up a red solo cup. He hands it to JJ. “Why don’t you go offer her a cup.”

JJ snags the cup out of John B’s hand and glares at him. “Fuck off, dude.”

“Do you guys ever see her around at school?” Pope asks the girls.

Sarah shrugs. “Not really. She doesn’t really get a long with my old group of friends.”

Kie rolls her eyes. “No one gets along with your old group of friends.”

Sarah playfully shoves Kie by the shoulder and they laugh.

“I heard she turned down Raymond Easterling a couple weeks ago and he didn’t take it very well,” Pope says, remembering the words he heard from the kids in his class roaming the school hallways.

Raymond goes to Kildcare County High with the Pogues. He’s known to be a trouble maker and a class clown. He works with JJ at the country club. The kid can make JJ laugh sometimes, but he wouldn’t necessarily say he likes him all that much. He can be an arrogant asshole with an ego bigger than it should be.

“She turns down everybody,” Sarah says. “Some people at my school call her ‘The Heart Sucker’ because she can pull people in with the snap of her fingers and break their heart just as quickly.”

Something stirred in the pit of JJ’s stomach.

“Hey! Where you going?” John B calls out to JJ who’s making his way deeper into the sea of people on the beach.

“Taking advantage of a good boneyard party, my friend,” JJ calls back and slugs the rest of his beer. Looking left and right, he searches for the blonde he had eyes on earlier. Because right now, he needed a distraction.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The party starts to die down a little after midnight. Some people leave to find another party, some are passed out in the back of their cars, and others had already found what they were looking for - someone to leave with.

The boneyard party wasn’t as bad as you expected it to be. You had found a couple of kids from your school who were nice enough to make small talk with you while Andre left to find a guy named Devon, a Touron he’s been talking to who’s renting for the entire summer.

Now you’re waiting for Andre to come back so the two of you can walk home. You find comfort under a slanted palm tree towards the back of the beach, scrolling through random apps on your phone to pass the time.

“Y/N?” You look up from you phone and smile when you see your former best friend inching closer to you, squinting in the dark to see if it’s really you.

“Maybank? What are you still doing here?” You stand up and pat the sand off your hands on you thighs.

Your heart skips a beat in your chest when you look at him. He’s beautiful. Lucious blonde hair, perfectly tanned skin, piercing blue eyes. You always knew JJ was going to grow up to be gorgeous. He was cute when he was younger. At least you always thought so.

“I was just leaving, but I thought I saw you sitting here and wanted to make sure you were all right.” He knows it’s not like you to stay this late at a party, especially all by yourself. When he first saw you sitting there, he didn’t know if he should say something. Mostly due to nerves of seeing you again. But the other Pogues had already left and he didn’t trust anyone else at the party to be near you alone late at night. It didn’t matter if you were sober or not.

“Aw. Was JJ Maybank worried about me?” You tease. Talking to him felt easy. As if you never stopped being friends. A few years ago, you and JJ had the best banter. Despite constantly bickering back and forth, John B always swore the two of you would get married one day. The two of you just always clicked like a natural connection. And even now, when only seeing each other every now and then for a few minutes at a time, it felt normal. You smirk when JJ rolls his eyes. “I’m kidding. Yeah, I’m okay. Just waiting for my friend to come back from his little rendezvous,” You say.

JJ nods. “Did you have a good time? I feel like I never you see at these things.”

“Yeah. Parties aren’t really my thing. But Andre was nervous to meet this guy he’s been talking to for a little while so I came for moral support.”

“Looks like he didn’t need much of the support.”

You shrug. “It’s better that way, anyway. I don’t mind waiting for him. What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Did you have a good time tonight? I hear your quite the ladies’ man at these things.”

“Come on, Sparky. You know better than to believe everything you hear.”

Your face lights up at the mention of your old nickname. You use to always be busting out the seams with energy. On days where the boys just wanted to chill and play video games, you would drag them to the park for a game of kick ball. Or when they wanted to sleep in after a long week, you showed up at 8 am to drag them out of bed to catch the morning waves. So one day JJ started calling you Sparky, and it stuck with the rest of your little gang. You always pretended to hate it, but secretly you loved it.

“Oh I don’t believe everything I hear. I do, however, believe what I see. And your arm around that tall blonde in the little black dress looked quite convincing.”

You first saw JJ at the party when he was making his way to the pretty girl by the water. Your teeth involuntarily clenched and there was a twisted feeling in your stomach you couldn’t shake whenever you looked at them.

In that instant, JJ felt grateful for the dark sky. He felt the rush of heat rise up his neck to his cheeks before he could stop it. He knew the motivation to see that girl was because of you. He just wished you never saw it. But he didn’t know why.

“I walked her home. She wasn’t my type,” JJ plays it off.

“I didn’t realize you had a type,” You giggle, but a small part felt relieved to hear this. “So what is it? Your type?”

Hybrids with a Pogue attitude, bright smile, beautiful eyes, and a mouth that could make any sailor turn around, JJ thought.

“I don’t know. Haven’t figured it out yet.”

You roll your eyes playfully. “Well, when you figure it out let me know.”

“Why? So you can transform into my ideal girl?” He teases.

Now you’re the one thankful for the dark sky. “In your dreams, Maybank. But so far, I do have the perfect wing-woman track record, so if you needed help -”

“I don’t think I need any help in that department. Thank you very much.”

You throw your hands up in fake surrender. “Ooo. Touchy subject.”

JJ rolls his eyes at the same time your phone pings with a text message. You pull it out of your shorts pocket and open the text from Andre, telling you to leave without him because he’s gonna stay out late with Devon and won’t know what time he’s going to be done.

“Everything all right?” JJ says, watching you read the message.

You lock your phone and stuff it in your back pocket again. “Like I said. Perfect wing-woman track record.”

“That was Andre?”

“Yeah. He’s most likely not coming home tonight.”

“Lucky bastard.”

“At least one of us is,” You joke.

JJ’s grin slightly falters but you don’t catch it. You have no idea how much he wishes the two of you could be equally as lucky. Together.

“Well, I should probably go,” You say and bend down to grab your flip flops.

“Let me walk you home,” JJ offers.

“Oh no. It’s okay -”

“You’re cute. It’s wasn’t up for debate. I’m not letting you walk back by yourself.”

You scoff lightly. “I’ll be fine.”

“Just humor me.”

You roll your eyes and smirk but choose not to argue. In fact, you’re excited to spend more time with JJ. It’s been so long.

“Fine.”

“And here I thought you might’ve grown out of your stubborn phase by now.”

You shove him playfully by the shoulder. “Shut up!”

And just like that, it felt like old times.

#jj fanfiction #jj maybank #jj maybank imagine #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank imagines #jj maybank x reader #outer banks imagine #outer banks fic #obx imagine #obx fic #jj maybank one shot

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mercy-burning · 3 years

Text

A Shit-Ton Of Sugar

Part of Mercy’s 1k Celebration: A collection of Spencer Reid x Reader requests to celebrate 1,000 followers.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Reader and Spencer work up the nerve to ask each other out after he’s been coming into her café for the past year. Category: FLUFF Warnings: Implied smut, nothing else :) Word Count: 5.3k

Full Request: “...Congrats on 1k that’s so exciting! I was hoping to request barista!reader that works at the coffee shop that Spencer goes to every morning, and literally knowing his order by heart??? And maybe like finally working up the nerve to ask him out/give him her number? Preferably fluffy, but I don’t mind! Thank you!” — @bauhousewife

MASTERLIST | 1K MASTERLIST

***

DAY 1

The first day he came into the shop, she felt like she couldn't breathe, which may have sounded like a cliché, but how else were you supposed to feel when a man like that walked in and just existed in the same space as you?

However, when she heard the bell ring, signaling someone coming into the tiny café, the fact that it was almost six-thirty in the morning was enough to make her grumpy. Whoever it was didn't even have the decency to wait a half hour until they officially opened? So, she turned around to face the stranger, ready to put on a fake smile and act like she didn't secretly want to strangle them, and then laid her eyes on probably the most beautiful human being she'd seen in a long time.

His eyebrows lifted, simultaneously expressing a greeting and an apology. "I—I'm sorry, I know you're not technically open for another half hour, but I'm in a rush on my way to work and I was wondering if I could just get a quick coffee to go?"

It was obvious that he tried to speak evenly, but between apologizing and being late to work, his words still came out rather fast. And suddenly her annoyance faded, quickly turning into a need to please him however she could.

"Oh! Oh, no worries, I can do that," she rushed out, scrambling to smooth out her apron. "What can I get you?"

A flash of relief flooded the man's eyes when he blinked, and his posture seemed just as relieved, his shoulders slumping slightly as he took a breath. "Just a black coffee with lots of sugar is fine, thank you."

"No problem. I'll have that up in a minute. Size?"

"Large, please."

As she got to work, he waited as patiently as he could, looking around the small space.

It truly was what everyone would describe as "home-y". Everything was painted a pale yellow, with lavender and sage green accents in the form of window trim, picture frames, little knick-knacks, and art pieces. As the man scanned over the few tables, he found little centerpieces of old ceramic mugs with flowers painted on them, each one containing real (or maybe fake? he couldn't tell) flower arrangements.

He smiled to himself as he found everything so... comforting. And as his eyes finally made their way back to the barista behind the counter, he finally got a good look at her.

"This is... your place? You own it?"

The woman turned back to him briefly as she poured the coffee into a large to-go cup. "Oh, yeah. I just opened up a few months ago. We don't get too much business, but that's fine by me as long as it's enough to pay the bills."

At her laugh, he smiled a little wider. It was a nice sound, just as comforting and home-y as the place he stood in. "Well, i—it's really nice, congratulations. I'm glad things are working out for you."

She laughed again a little, and if he knew any better he would have swore she was blushing. "Thank you. Um... How much sugar did you say you wanted?"

It was his turn to blush now, the way she was looking at him completely doing something wicked to his insides. "O—oh, um... I guess I never really did specify, huh? Sorry about that, um... Just three tablespoons is fine."

It was clear that he really didn't want to be an inconvenience, even more so when he mumbled a, "Sorry," so soft that Y/N wasn't even sure she heard it. Even still, she put on her best smile—even as she was turned around—to make sure he knew that she wasn't annoyed with him at all.

Though, it wasn't hard to keep smiling when she couldn't think to do anything else around him. Just the thought of his face made her want to smile, like she had a choice in the matter.

She finished the coffee, putting on a lid and turning around to face him again. "Can I get your name?"

He paused for a moment, like he was shocked she'd even ask, but laughed to himself and swallowed before responding, two syllables that almost sent her into cardiac arrest. "Spencer."

Suits him... she thought as she wrote his name down on the cup, her handwriting a pretty mix of cursive and print. And seeing his name spelled out in the penmanship she always got complimented on growing up looked like it might have been the most satisfying black marker trail she'd ever seen. Almost as satisfying as his face...

She cleared her throat and slid the cup across the counter to him, hoping she wouldn't be too obvious about her little eye-candy crush when she spoke. "Three-fifty is your total."

Spencer grabbed a five dollar bill from his jacket pocket and held it out, his fingers just barely brushing hers when she took it from him. If not for the intense concentration she was immersed in, trying not to embarrass herself, she would have jumped at the contact. Instead, she quickly ducked her face behind the tall register to keep from him seeing the stupid grin she couldn't keep away as she opened the drawer and started counting change. When she handed it over, though, she set it on the counter, hoping she could avoid touching him again.

He looked like he was about to say something, but instead, he scooped the change into his hand and immediately dropped it in the empty tip jar, a small smile on his face.

Just as Y/N said, "Thank you," Spencer grabbed his coffee and said the same, the both of them immediately going warm at the interaction. They let out a small laugh then, Y/N tucking a piece of hair behind her ear before she spoke again.

"Thank you for coming in," she said with a nod.

Spencer took a sip of his coffee and nodded back with a nod of his own. "A—and thank you for the excellent coffee."

Even after he left, she waited until he was across the street and completely out of sight before she let out a long, dramatic breath, immediately followed by a, "Holy shit."

And little did she know, it took everything within him not to keep looking back at the café as he left it—and her—behind.

DAY 5

She should have known it was too good to be true. In fact, if it weren't for the vivid physical and emotional reaction she'd had to seeing him lasting for days after it happened, she would have though she'd imagined the entire interaction. Spencer was quite literally the man of her dreams, if only because that's the one and only place he seemed to exist as of late.

Of course, it'd only been five days, and there was a possibility that he could come in again. Right?

Y/N shook away all thoughts of him as best as she could, focusing her attention to cleaning up the tables and closing for the night. The café was empty, the last customer having left no more than five minutes ago. But even as she cleaned tables, Y/N kept the sign on the door flipped to 'OPEN'— because the café closed for good at 10pm, and it was only 9:47. Though no one ever came in past 9:30, she figured it was better safe than sorry.

Soon enough, the small café started to smell more like lemon-scented surface cleaner than coffee, but Y/ didn't mind. In fact, as much as she loved the smell of coffee, after a long day it started to give her a little headache, one that instantly cleared once she started cleaning and closing up. It was calming, getting the place ready for the next day in the peace and quiet. She always turned half of the lights off so it wasn't as bright, a fact she was grateful for especially after the sun went down, but mostly because it made the place feel more atmospheric. Dim lighting during nightfall was probably Y/N's favorite feeling in the world.

At least, she thought it was.

She wasn't so sure anymore when the bell on the door rang and she turned around to see the man of her dreams, in all his tall, well-dressed, beautiful glory.

She froze instantly, the bottle of cleaner falling softly from her hands and dropping onto the table, making her jump.

"Oh, I—I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Spencer said quietly.

"N—no, it's... Um, it's fine," Y/N laughed, more embarrassed than anything. "I just wasn't expecting anyone to come in so late, we usually don't get anyone after 9:30."

"Yeah, I... I know it's late, I apologize, um... I just got back from work and I figured I'd stop by for a pick-me-up, i—if that's alright."

There he went again, acting like being in her presence was such an inconvenience for her, and it made her stomach do flip flops. There was no way he wasn't a figment of her imagination, right? He always showed up at the weirdest time, nervously asking for a cup of coffee like he wasn't supposed to be there.

Granted, this was only the second time it's happened, but the sentiment remained the same.

Either way, Y/N was happy to oblige.

"It's always alright. What can I get you this time?" She smoothed out her apron before sprinting behind the counter, turning on a lamp in the back that illuminated more of the kitchen.

"Oh, a black coffee is fine."

She couldn't help but laugh as she grabbed a to-go cup. "No mountains of sugar this time?"

To her surprise, he laughed back, and the sound made her feel warm. She wasn't looking at him because she was laser-focusing on the coffee making as to not make another embarrassment of herself, but she could see his smile in her head all the same. Hopefully the dimmer lighting wouldn't give her away, another stupid grin rising to her face.

"Mountains of sugar would be fantastic, actually," he said, his voice ever so warm and friendly, albeit soft. He was obviously tired, and if he was looking to stay awake, this coffee would definitely do the trick for a few hours.

"You sound like you had quite a long day," Y/N observed as she started brewing a new pot of coffee.

"Long week, more like... Work has been... a little rough."

The exhaustion threaded in his voice made her heart ache a little. "I'm sorry to hear that. Though, it sounds like you should be getting sleep instead of coffee."

When Spencer laughed this time, it was humorless. "Yeah, well, in my line of work sleep doesn't really come easily..."

Y/N glanced up at him then to see his head tilted upward as he stared at the ceiling. The dim lights of the café accentuated the peak of his nose and his jawline, and if not for the clear exhaustion highlighting his features, she would have taken more excitement in the fact that he was there, standing in front of her looking like a beautiful sculpture for free.

Though that was definitely an upside to him finally stopping by again, deep down she knew the reason he was there now wasn't because of her; He needed coffee, some semblance of comfort and probably normalcy after a shitty week. And Y/N was inclined to understand exactly how he felt in that regard.

"I'm sorry to hear that," is all she said on the subject. But she had an idea, hoping to brighten his day just a little, to bring another smile to his face. "Tell you what, I'll give you an extra coffee, no additional charge, and if you want, I'll even send you on your way with some of these extra muffins."

The half-worried, 'oh-shit-I'm-being-a-hassle' look on his face was almost familiar at this point, making Y/N laugh a little to herself.

"O—oh, Y/N, I couldn't do that, I—"

Ignoring the feeling she got when he said her name aloud, she stopped him, shook her head, and started pouring the freshly brewed coffee into two large to-go cups. "Really, Spencer, it's fine. I'll have to throw it all out otherwise, and this way it saves me the trouble. Trust me, you'd be doing me a favor."

"A—are you sure? I don't want to get you in trouble..."

"I own the place," she replied with a dismissive wave of her hand. "And since I'm my own boss, I can confidently say that I won't get in trouble."

Though his smile wasn't as wide as she remembered, the sweetness and utter thankfulness she saw in it this time around was enough to call it a win. "Thank you... A—and again, I know it's late, I'm sorry for coming in—"

"Nonsense. You're welcome here any time," she reassured him with a smile almost as sweet as his coffee.

Maybe one day Spencer would stop apologizing, but as long as he kept returning to the café, Y/N didn't mind whether he did or not.

DAY 30

Y/N was feeling rather bold today. Not bold enough to actually ask him out or anything, but bold enough to have his order ready when he came in.

Over time she learned that Spencer's work schedule was pretty random, that he traveled a lot, therefore he probably wouldn't be in every day. But a few days ago, he mentioned he was scheduled for a week off, which rarely happened, and today marked the fifth day of his mini vacation— every single day prior, he stopped in at exactly 9:00am.

Taking the chance that he would be stopping in a fifth day in a row, Y/N was already making his usual coffee at 8:50.

Beside her, her friend and employee, Heather, snickered, finishing up with a customer and teasing Y/N with an evil grin. "You're so whipped."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she responded quietly, stirring in the mountains of sugar and setting the spoon down beside the cup.

"If you don't ask him out, Y/N, I swear... No way a man like that's gonna stay single forever, you gotta make your move."

"Who says I'm not going to?"

"Oh, so when you hand him his coffee today, you're going to give him your number and not just freeze and chicken out? You know, like you always do?"

She glared at Heather, but it only lasted for a split second before it turned into a look of pure pining and sadness. Pathetic... "Probably not..."

Heather patted Y/N on the shoulder. "It's alright, babe. When he comes in, just be yourself. He obviously likes you, enough to come in every day for your shitty coffee..."

The shit-eating grin on her friend's face was enough to make Y/N laugh again, and she shook her head, then turned back to put the lid on Spencer's cup. "Yeah, yeah... We'll see what happens. But I get what you're saying."

As Heather went off to clean some tables, Y/N wrote out his name on the cup, contemplating whether or not she should put her number next to it. What could be the harm in that, right? It was cute and charming as hell.

Just as she was about to write the first number down the chimes sounded above the door, and as some type of Pavlovian response, Y/N set down the marker and looked up to see if it was him. Instantly she berated herself for being so obvious, but by the look on Spencer's face when he approached, he didn't look phased in the slightest.

"Hey, Sugar," Y/N called out to him, sliding him the coffee and feeling butterflies swarm her stomach at the look on his face when he heard the nickname.

Then she realized she called him by a nickname...

Even though he still smiled and took the coffee, reaching into his pocket for money and clearly not phased in the least by her affectionate nickname for him, it still made her insides flare with a little embarrassment. And if she wasn't nervous about seeing him before, she most certainly was now that he was in front of her, smiling at her and being as kind and charming as ever with few words.

He was going to leave, grabbing the cup and turning, but halfway to the door, he turned back around, and when he spoke it sounded like he was as nervous as she was.

"Oh, um... I'm leaving to visit my mom this weekend, so, I just... Wanted to let you know... You know, so you don't waste your time and resources on my order..."

Though he was obviously looking out for her, Y/N still felt this overwhelming flood of foolishness, like he actually did find it strange that she memorized his order and made it for him so it would be ready on the dot when he got there. She figured, just for a moment, that it was his subtle way of telling her he thought she was taking things to a whole new level of weird.

"O—Oh, sure. Thanks for the heads up. Enjoy your weekend." She gave him her best smile, hoping her insecurity didn't bleed through.

But then he said, "You, too, Y/N," and smiled back, looking at her for a moment that lingered just a little too long before turning away. And before he actually walked out the door, he stopped and looked back at her again, giving a small wave as his face showed all signs of reluctance to leave.

She wasn't sure how long she stared at the empty doorway, but Heather's laugh broke her from the trance.

"You know you have nothing to worry about, right? He's definitely into you."

"You... You think?" she returned softly.

"I know. The next time he comes in, give him your number."

DAY 84

Turns out, Heather was completely wrong.

Y/N hadn't seen Spencer for weeks, and then the next time he came in, there was a girl with him. Y/N tried extra hard not to jump to conclusions— maybe she was just a friend? Or a sibling, or a co-worker... And besides, even if the girl was dating him, it's not like it would have been any of her business, right? She barely knew the guy, and though it hurt to have this stupid crush on him just to find out he had a girlfriend and she'd misread the entire situation, that's all it was. A crush.

A crush that, in the end, well... crushed her.

Because the girl was, in fact, his girlfriend. He didn't really introduce her at first, but the second day they came into the café together, they were holding hands. And the girl, short and pretty and adorning a beautiful mane of long, red hair, clung to his side, giving him the same doe eyes Y/N had been teased by Heather for giving him that day he'd left. Not to mention, when they ordered, the girl called him "Babe".

It was absolutely crushing.

Y/N didn't want to cry, because it was stupid for a grown woman to cry over some dude she barely knew, right? But that didn't stop the tears from welling as soon as said dude and his freaking girlfriend stepped out of the café, leaving her behind with an ache that she hadn't felt in ages.

She and Heather went out drinking that night, and after a few days of wallowing, Y/N promptly decided that Spencer and his stupid, beautiful face and his stupid, beautiful girlfriend could kiss her ass.

Of course, immediately after, she felt bad for thinking so negatively and just settled on staying out of their business.

But it didn't help that they came in almost every day for months. Even when Spencer was at work, therefore absent, his girlfriend was there. Jeannie, her name was. She had a regular order, too, one that Y/N couldn't help but dread making every morning but did anyway, even going so far as to have it ready for her when she came in. And Jeannie was incredibly nice, a fact which Y/N hated because it would have been way easier to deal with if she was awful. At least then, she could have maybe felt better about herself for being a nicer person, but she knew that wasn't fair.

This particular day, though, Spencer came in alone. And despite herself, the first thing Y/N said to him was, "Where's Jeannie?"

Maybe she should have known by the look on his face, but he sighed, returning her question with a simple, "Delaware."

Y/N started to make his usual order, keeping the conversation light even though she was inwardly sighing at he prospect of discussing his girlfriend's whereabouts. "What's she doing there?"

She wasn't looking at him, but the sadness in his voice stopped her in her tracks. "She's there with her husband."

"Uh... What?"

"Turns out she's been engaged for the past five years... They, uh... Took a break to see other people to really see if they wanted to get married, and I guess they... got married. Last week."

"Holy shit. Spencer, I... I don't know what to say, I'm... sorry..."

He didn't say anything, only giving a half-hearted smile that conveyed more sadness than anything. Y/N hated that someone had the audacity to make him feel that way... to use him like that without at the very least telling him her situation first, before getting into a relationship.

She finished his order, but before handing it to him, she reached for a blueberry muffin and wrapped it up. And as he took money out of his pocket, she sook her head and slid his things over across the counter. "Everything's on the house today."

"Y/N, you don't have t—"

"I insist. Jeannie did a stupid thing, and you deserve better than that... You deserve something good. And I know this is small and probably nothing, but I don't care."

A little of the sadness from his smile replaced itself with amusement, and Y/N decided she'd take it. He muttered a small, "Thank you," before grabbing his coffee, but before he took the muffin he looked her dead in the eye and deposited the five dollar bill from his other hand straight into the tip jar.

She sighed and shook her head at him.

But that only widened the smile on his face, most of the sadness gone. In fact, it looked more like a satisfied smirk as he grabbed the muffin and turned to leave.

Despite Spencer's refusal to not pay, Y/N found herself smiling as he left.

DAY 174

Thankfully there were no more girlfriends after that.

Well, okay, it wasn't fair of Y/N to say that, because if she wanted to take her shot she would have, and she couldn't get mad every time he had a new girlfriend.

But of course, that didn't mean she couldn't be relieved every time she saw him walk in alone.

This time it was Valentine's Day. The café was decorated with sparkly red garland and pink, red, and white hearts that dangled from the ceiling. All the flowers on the tables were replaced with roses and tealight candles, and currently, almost everyone was rushing to buy the chocolate-covered strawberry arrangements that Y/N made herself.

She was currently in the back, working on making more when Heather came rushing to the room, calling out her name.

A small panic started to sink in, because if Heather needed more supplies or more of the strawberry arrangements, she would have just sent back a ring of the bell on the doorway to the kitchen. But she almost knocked over said arrangements on her way in, and Y/N was worried that maybe something bad happened.

"Heather, what's wrong?" she asked hurriedly, smearing chocolate all over her apron.

"Nothing's wrong, but your boy is here. He's asking to see you!"

Her heart leapt out of her chest, and suddenly it was like the wind got knocked out of her. "S—Spencer?"

"Yes!" Heather half-squealed, reaching out to pull at Y/N's arm. "Go!"

"Wait! Wait, how... how do I look?"

"Take off the apron, pull down your shirt a little."

"Heather!"

"You asked! If he's here to ask you out, why not give him a little preview? Now c'mon, hand the apron over." She held her hand out, waiting for Y/N to take it off.

She grumbled as she did, suddenly more nervous than she'd ever been. Her hands shook as she untied the apron and threw it over to Heather. She looked down at the deep red v-neck she wore and sighed, pulling it down a little to give a better view of her cleavage. She fluffed her hair out, letting out a huge sigh and then shaking out her hands.

"You're hot, now go!" Heather exclaimed, practically pushing her out of the kitchen and into the bright café main room.

The moment Y/N stepped out, she saw him immediately. And as always, he looked absolutely perfect... In the last few months, he'd let his hair grow out a little, strands of it tucked behind his ear while most of it fell loose atop his head. Currently he was wearing a long coat, though she couldn't tell what was underneath. But she didn't need to know, really, because he could have showed up wearing a garbage bag and she still would have practically drooled at the sight of him.

Swallowing, Y/N made her way over to him with a smile, Heather following behind.

"Hi," she said, hoping her nerves wouldn't show through. "Heather said you asked for me?"

"U—uh, yeah. Hi, um... Sorry if you're busy, I just wanted to... stop by, say Happy Valentine's Day..."

Her heart beat faster than it ever had, and seeing him smile this nervously in her direction made it all the more endearing. "Oh, thank you," she said, giving him a small wave and then wondering why when she could have done literally anything else... Wink? Finger guns?—No, Y/N, what are you thinking? Just keep cool and talk to him like a normal person! "Do you... have any plans?"

Spencer stood still, seemingly starstruck by the question for a few, long, seconds before blinking and slightly shaking his head. "O—Oh, yeah, um... Some friends and I are going out for drinks later, that's all. Should be kinda boring, actually, not really my scene..."

"Oh... Boring's nice, though, sometimes. Personally all the huge Valentine's Day plans are kinda over-the-top anyway." She might as well have been wearing a sign on her forehead that said Lie! Lie! Lie!

He laughed, though, and Y/N's heart sunk. "Yeah, you're right... Um, I'll let you get back to work, then, I just wanted to stop in and say hi."

"Oh... You don't... want coffee or anything? I—I've got these chocolate-covered strawberry arrangements, too, if you want one. You know, 'cause why not?"

"Oh! Uh, sure. That... That sounds great."

His smile lit her insides on fire, ad she tried desperately not to stumble as she worked her way through the kitchen, making everything. He waited patiently by the side of the counter, trying equally as hard not to keep sneaking glances at her as she worked. Meanwhile the pink post-it note with his phone number in red ink burned in his pocket, his hands shaking as he struggled to think of a scenario in which he wouldn't fumble with it and completely make a fool of himself. Because now that he was there, in her presence, it was a lot harder to pretend like he had the confidence to actually ask her out.

And when she brought his order, she flashed that beautiful smile and he knew immediately that he would never be able to give her the post-it. Whether she knew it or not, she made him nervous, and if he was going to mess everything up, he certainly wasn't going to do it in a café full of people on Valentine's Day. He'd never recover.

So Spencer accepted the coffee and the small bouquet of fruit, trying his best not to drop it with shaky hands. "Thank you. How much?"

"For you, on the house," Y/N returned. "And please don't just put a 5 in the tip jar. I'm getting really tired of you doing that."

They both laughed, the memories of every time since the last time he'd done it sparking between them like lightning. Almost every time she insisted on giving him his coffee for free, he pulled a 5-dollar bill from his pocket and landed it in the jar, and every time she rolled her eyes at him and told him to get out.

"Well, I have to give you something," Spencer insisted, the paper in his pocket burning even hotter.

Likewise, Y/N felt like she was going to lose her balance again. Was he going to ask her out? Heaven forbid, would he kiss her? "What do you have in mind?"

The deep tone of her voice sent a chill through him, and in that moment it was now or never. So he set the coffee down on the counter and reached into his pocket. Y/N opened her mouth to protest, but he stopped her with a raise of his eyebrows. "It's not what you think. I promise."

Somehow she didn't believe him.

But then he pulled out a hot pink piece of paper and slipped it in the tip jar instead, his eyes never leaving hers. "I really hope you empty the jar at the end of every day, otherwise this is going to be a little embarrassing."

"What... What is it?" she asked softly, though she already had an inkling of the answer.

And then he said something that made her heart soar. "I think you already know."

Sure enough, Y/N looked down and saw numbers written on the sheet of paper through the glass. She smiled, letting it burn heart-shaped holes into her eyes.

Spencer was gone when she looked back up, but the image of him was still seared into her brain.

DAY 366

They hadn't even made it out of the parking lot. And you'd think that after months of dating and going on dates he would have been used to how pretty she looked, but alas, yet again he couldn't wait, and now Spencer and Y/N were laying in the backseat of her car, praying no one had just seen what went down not twenty minutes ago.

"You know what, I think that has to be a record," she laughed, combing through his damp hair with her fingers. "I didn't even have my seatbelt on yet."

He laughed with her. "You know I'm impatient..."

"Yeah, and I also know that we're certainly not going to make those dinner reservations you worked so hard all month to get. All that hard work, for nothing!"

He scoffed, though the smirk on his face never faltered. "I hardly think it was for nothing... You are definitely something... Besides, I had to, because today is very special."

"Oh, and why's that?"

"Well... I don't know if you know this, but you and I met exactly one year ago today. And I've never been the same since."

Y/N looked up at him, eyes wide. "Has... Has it really been that long already?"

"Mhm... And it only seems like it hasn't been that long because we've only been technically dating for 192 days... But I wanted to celebrate anyway. Because no matter how long we've been dating, I've actually been enamored by you for 366 days. And counting."

Warmth flooded through her veins as she hugged him tighter to her, pressing a kiss to his jaw before nuzzling into his neck. "Oh, Sugar... I love you."

Spencer smiled fondly at the nickname, thinking back to all the times he'd watched her pour a shit-ton of sugar into his coffee at her cute little café— the one he'd only ever stumbled on by accident because he was running late for work and needed a quick fix of caffeine. Turns out it had been the best accident he'd ever stumbled into.

"I love you, too, Y/N."

PERMANENT TAGLIST: @elldell1204 @muffin-cup @calm-and-doctor @slutforthegubes @rainsong01 @yourmisosoup @liveloudwriteloud @reidsconverse @la-vie-en-amour1 @edgycowboy666 @averyhotchner @centiaaa @lizziechaseee @coffeeandendlesswords @usuck @spenxerslut @g0lden-cth

TAGS NOT WORKING: @emilyprentisslittlewhore @takeyourleap-of-faith

If you would like to be added to the taglist, feel free to message me or leave a comment, and I’ll add you!

#mercy 1k celebration #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x reader fluff #specer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid fluff

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demonslayedher · 3 years

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Buriko-Senpai! This is such a wonderful blog to read, and I love your art so much! It's so nice to see other traditional artists out there! What's your thoughts on the demon slayer marks and their affects after Muzan's defeat? Do you think they're a purely physical effect, or a supernatural curse like Ubuyashiki's? It seems like in the latter case it would be lifted? In Tanjiro's status report, he mentions wanting everyone to be happy "when he's gone", and hints of preparation for the future...

Thank you for the kind words on my art! (≧◡≦) Glad to know people like the style, I like the feel of trad art both for the final product and how the pen feels in my hand, haha~. I love all the additional possibilities in digital art, but will leave that to the people who are good at it. Glad you find my blog a good read too, because we’ve got another lengthy read ahead.

As for the mark and whether it works in a purely physical sense or a curse sense, I'm ok thinking of it in either way, depending on its purposes in post-canon fanwork (but of course, you can do whatever you want in fanwork totally inventing the mark or completely ignoring it too). As Gotouge never states exactly what becomes of Tanjiro, Giyuu, and Sanemi, I don’t feel we can declare it working one way or another. We'll consider it from both angles, but in general, I think canon evidence leans toward an avoidable physical impact. Even that, however, leaves room for interpretation on strict "25" might be or not.

If we approach the curse direction first, the worldbuilding surrounding the Ubuyashiki curse gives a lot of framework for the mark being a curse. The second fanbook even gives us more circumstance and age-related perimeters that seem very arbitrary, like how only one male will survive each generation and how the daughters will also die young by sudden illness or accident if they don’t marry out. As the curse is tied to Muzan’s/demons existence, it is completely lifted once Muzan is eradicated, but Kiriya still anticipates dying in his 20’s and does not feel relieved that it’s gone until he’s in his 30’s. This would put Giyuu and Sanemi in their 50’s if they’re still around, and with their own curses effectively gone, they’d probably have spent the past couple decades insisting to Kiriya that he can relax.

If the rebound of the mark is a supernatural curse, there are a couple other things that make sense about this to me, in the light of cosmic justice at play in this universe. First, it’s a general rule in a lot of philosophies and other works of fiction that to gain something powerful, you must pay the price and sacrifice something. Second, the Ubuyashiki family is cursed to carry the sins of one of its members until they can stop that demon member. While Demon Slayers may not necessarily be carrying the sins of demons, we see demon marks at play in this series first, though its effects are not clear until we see how Nezuko is stronger when her vines appear. A Demon Slayer also gaining extra strength like this is, perhaps, taboo.

As for the mark being a purely physical effect, I think the emphasis on physical effects of the mark (especially how in Chapter 129 Muichiro analyzes its effects on body temperature and the heart), and how throughout the manga it is continually stressed that the Demon Slayers are mere humans even if Breath helps them push the natural limits of human ability, lend to a more physical interpretation that in order to push so far past normal limits, it has to borrow against the natural human lifespan. This is how the characters in-universe also interpret its effects. If we look more into what Muichiro says:

Muichiro: The anger was too strong for me to have any handle on my emotions. I believe that in that moment, my heartrate exceeded 200 beats, and my body felt as hot as though it was burning. My temperature would had measured at least 39 degrees or more. Shinobu: !? Could you move like that? That would be life-threatening. Muichiro: Right. That’s why I think it’s a matter of falling into one category or another. Whether you die or survive that moment is what determines whether a mark will appear or not. Amane: A heartrate of over 200, and why a temperature of 39 degrees? Muichiro: That’s because when I was received treatment at Kocho-san’s place I was running a fever. When my temperature was taken, the thermometer read 39 degrees. At the time I would have been said to have a mark appear, my body was just as feverish.

(For reference, according to searching with the same terms used in the original text, your top heartrate is 220 minus your age, making Muichiro's 206 beats per minute. The average for someone in their 20's is 120~140, somewhat hard exercise would put it at 150, and hard exercise puts it at 170, according to the Borg scale. Normal body temperature in Celsius is 37 degrees; while 39 C = 102.2 F.)

If we look back at when Tanjiro is first facing off against Daki, he considers how he gets more power out of Hinokami Kagura than from Water Breathing because it suits his body better, but he is not yet physically capable of the switch between them. As he psyches himself out in Chapter 77, we see that he has physically been trying to prepare himself for this, and he’s shouting at himself to set his heart ablaze. Clearly, Tanjiro is leaning into that advice from Rengoku-san, and if he’s on his way to getting the mark, he’s been taking that advice somewhat literally.

In Chapter 78, as he purposely raises his own temperature to fight the side effects of switching to Hinokami Kagura, we get a flashback that Kiyo-chan was very worried that Tanjiro was running a temperature of 38 degrees (100.4 F) for three days, but Tanjiro begged her not to tell Shinobu yet because he felt fine in that sustained feverish state, and was able to put more power into Hinokami Kagura that way. (This may also be part of why the mark seems to have a different effect on Sun Breath users, as their body draws from this power in a more sustained way.)

We can probably think of most of the other Breath Users who attained the mark as having gotten it in a similar way to Muichiro. In a fit of high emotion and desperate battle, their body pulled from its natural reserves, and similar to a human and/or demon being exposed to lots of Muzan’s cells all at once and either dying or quickly adapting, they attained a mark and relied on that temporary extra burst of strength. While it either happens or doesn’t happen for the others (Muichiro plainly states he was unaware of a mark’s appearance) based on being the flow of tense battle, Himejima seemed to have gained enough ability that he could choose when he wanted to tap into that power. When we’re first left not knowing what else Amane told the Pillars, Himejima openly wonders what would happen in his case (seeing as he is over the age of 25). In the third light novel, we get a brief scene of Himejima pulling Muichiro aside after that meeting to ask if he’s alright with this, since he’s just found out that he has no chance already of living a long life. Muichiro is fine and wonders about Himejima, who is also fine with this. They both are willing to do whatever it takes to fight Upper Moons and know their survival has never been assured. Himejima goes on to say similar things to Kokushibo in Chapters 169 and 170, when we the readers are finally told about the limited life expectancy. The two of them both sort of expect Himejima to drop dead that night because of his limited stores to draw from. Himejima would had preferred to not raise his temperature so much until facing Muzan (seeing as he knows he’ll be racing against time), but knows he has no choice but to start while facing Kokushibo. Kokushibo is somewhat impressed with his control of getting a mark and his preparation to die, and he finds it a waste of Himejima’s ability and likewise is like, “why not preserve your flesh as a demon” because, as we find out in Kokushibo’s flashbacks in Chapter 178, this was part of what motivated him to accept Muzan’s blood. He couldn’t handle the frustration of his polished techniques being wiped out by a short life span, especially since it would mean he was soon out of time to match or best Yoriichi. If we go back to that conversation between Himejima and Kokushibo, Kokushibo loses his cool (hahaha, that feels like a bit of a pun here) the moment Himejima is like, “there was one exception to the rule though, wasn’t there?” I suspect that Yoriichi was the exception partly due to Sun Breathing being a more perfected, sustained form of pushing the limits of human capability, and Yoriichi being born naturally perfect at it, so his body didn’t need to scramble looking for extras sources of power like hastily (or slowly) borrowing against his lifespan. What’s very interesting about Kokushibo is that he also regularly sustained his mark, so perhaps it’s possible he could had lived past 25? Here's what really key: We also don’t know about these early marked users. Did they regularly sustain their marks, or did they only show up regularly when they battled demons, repeatedly borrowing against their future lifespan? Or was it a one-off thing for each of them, like it was for Giyuu and Sanemi? It’s possible that even if Giyuu and Sanemi are doomed to shorter lives, since they both only had the marks for relatively short periods of time on a single night, they might well exceed 25 years. The fact that Gotouge gave them descendants (as opposed to only implied reincarnations), and because they are both characters generally written as dense in the ways of love and close personal relationships, that sort of implies they needed some time before leaving behind offspring, and I hear a lot of voices in the fandom displeased with the idea of them leaving children behind when they know they won't be around to raise them. Since we don't know any canon details on this, let's cut the boys some slack and say they took a chance on being happy. After all, all their time in the Corp already teaches them tomorrow is never assured.

Side note while we’re on the Sanemi topic, he attains his mark right after Himejima brings his own forth (because Himejima is a badass who can just be like, “ok, now”). While he comments to Himejima what a good idea it was to do Pillar Training so he could attain that powerful state, it’s also possible that being in the presence of someone who already had one was part of what triggered Sanemi’s body to access that state as well. The nature of the mark’s spread from person to person is another tick in the “supernatural curse” box if people like that interpretation more.

Let’s take a look back at Tanjiro, though.

Tanjiro, our special Hinokami Kagura boy, was already a special case for his own knowledge of Sun Breathing (however imperfect), and his own sustained mark (though as Genya notes in Chapter 134, it tends to transform slowly, and as Tanjiro remarks in response to Shinjuro’s comments in Chapter 81, his mark was not something he was born with like the original Sun Breath user was, it was but a childhood injury which took on a different shape when he was injured at the Final Selection). While Amane cites him as the one who started the trickle of marks appearing again, we know in the Pleasure Quarter arc than Tanjiro was been unknowingly training himself to make the mark appear, like the Pillars later tried to do in training.

Tanjiro also, however, has the very unique experience of undergoing repeated cruel and unusual suffering in battle against Muzan, basically dying, turning into a demon with more of Muzan’s cells than any other demon in history, and turning human again with man-made medicine all in the span of about two hours.

We can’t really compare Tanjiro’s case to Giyuu’s and Sanemi’s very easily. Besides the slightly different nature of his mark (which Muzan says will still kill him anyway if he becomes human again, but whether he says that based on a cosmic rule or historical precident, we don't know), we simply don’t know all the details of how Tanjiro's flesh has been affected by everything that happened to him in that two hour period. It seems safe to say that becoming a demon is what saved his life since it rebuilt his flesh and supercharged life back into him, but since he wasn’t a demon long enough to have fully integrated those new cells, the entirely reconstructed parts of him (his left arm and right eye) are essentially lifeless. However, there may still be some amount of reclaiming that his body did during his demon minutes, for the whole right side of his face should be paralyzed (yet he can still use it expressively), and there was probably internal damage throughout his entire body and other various injuries (like stabbing himself) which were repaired enough for him to survive. Had he been a demon longer (long enough that his body with Muzan’s memories likely would had broken down the medicine Kanao gave him), my guess is that he would had fully integrated these body parts, like how Nezuko gets to keep her legs despite all the times they were blown or chopped off.

But we also know that Tanjiro had to take a few months to recover (his visitors looked like they waited the whole three months before getting permission to see him), and that his condition allows him to live and work, but he generally is in a weakened state. Again, rather than only having borrowed (on multiple occasions) against his own lifespan, we don't know the extent of the damage and repair he's undergone.

While he’s got 25 as a historical benchmark to anticipate, and as you mention, he does seem to fully anticipate that early demise, his case is so unique that it could go in any direction. Tanjiro might live longer than 25, as this would give him time to pass on Hinokami Kagura to at least his eldest son, but like Tanjuro, he’d probably have a pretty weak constitution for the rest of his dwindling life. But also worth noting, the phrase is that they die by at least age 25. That means some of the Warring States era swordsmen probably died before that age. (｡•́︿•̀｡) I don't feel this is likely for Tanjiro, Giyuu, and Sanemi, but it is worth noting as a possibility.

#kny fandom theories and meta #kamado tanjirou #kamado tanjiro #tomioka giyuu #tomioka giyu #shinazugawa sanemi #himejima gyomei #himejima gyoumei #tokitou muichirou #tokito muichiro #tsugikuni yoriichi #kokushibo #kokushibou #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer

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tundrainafrica · 3 years

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Which would you say are your favorite fanfics ever? (Levihan ofc)

Okay, I don’t think I’m the best judge of what’s quality or not quality cause I ain’t no writing authority so I cannot vouch for whether you will like these fics or not. But I am a firm believer that good writing makes readers feel things and leaves a lasting impression.

So lemme rephrase the question… What fics left a lasting impression?

So brace yourself for one hell of a ride while I talk about fanworks that just fucked me up in the following ways:

Caused me to irrationally hate one random character

Made me forget something isn’t canon

Made me completely rearrange my day because I completely f-ed myself up.

Made me feel guilty for fucking up the view count because I keep going back there.

Makes me remember the fic as an aesthetic, not as actual words. Like literally I will imagine the setting almost perfectly in my head and like when I try to remember what happened, I don’t really remember the writing style or anything, but I could probably create a sim house about how exactly I imagined the house to look like or the yard to look like.

Changed the way I approach fic reading.

I don’t wanna spoil these fics because I’m assuming people are gonna read it so as much as I wanna make a long ass detailed review about why I love each of them, I won’t. I’ll probably just mention what the hell I was doing when I read the fic and how I completely fucked myself over.

I probably will miss some since I’m just listing these out from the top of my head. So here goes…And I’m only posting completed fics because I’m just that way.

Second chance by @fanmoose12

This is my comfort fic. The first time I read this fic, it was like 4am or 5am in the morning and I remember after reading it once, I read it like 5 more times that day.

This is literally the fic I just randomly open on my computer at work on some incognito tab when I’m just tired from all the shit they make us do at work and this is the random fic that I just open up when I feel like reading. And this is one of the fics I plan on showing my children one day when I explain to them what love is.

This isn’t depressing so I guess it doesn’t fall in the ‘fucked me over’ category but definitely one of the fics I read too many times to count that I remember it scene by scene like some simp.

Partners by fanmoose12

Woops, one exception for WIPs. I just had to post this here because it definitely left a lasting impression.

This was the first AU I have ever read and been invested in and I have been reading fanfiction since before I could remember and I have always stuck to canonverse fics until I got into Levihan.

This fic got me into the AU genre and I have never read AUs in my life before this so I think that says a lot about how much this fic means to me.

Somewhere Only We Know by @someonestolemyshoes

It’s not completely posted in ao3 yet. But since I beta-ed the fic, I finished it long before SSMS posted it but this fic. It started slow so it took me a week of on and off work to get through but I got through the second part of the fic, the last 30,000 words incredibly fast. I vividly remembered reading those last final scenes over breakfast completely in shock while my whole family was there. I literally had to leave the room and take my dog out for a second walk .

I remember the aesthetic of the overall story vividly enough to actually make a moodboard of it and spend a good 1 hour going through country side pics after finishing it. .

Yellow by @ariadneamare

God, this fic. I read this over a day of work. Like breakfast, first few thousand words, Lunch next few thousand words. And I finished the rest before bed and oh god, this is the type of fic that builds a great aesthetic, some lightness and just to fuck you over in the end.

I like to compare it to a longer and AU version of Pristine in terms of how it strings emotions along. I know they’re two completely different fics but the energy of the fic, the stream of emotions on how it strings you along is fairly similar.

This is literally one of those fics where I’m just having a good day, and my mind goes ‘remember that one fic’ and I just wrinkle my nose like ‘yeah THAT FIC’

Pristine by @mannatea

I’m sure everyone has read this, it’s practically a classic and I cannot count the number of people who told me it was depressing and I do not know why I did not believe them. I read this while waiting in line for milk tea. I lost my place in line around the time I finished that last part and just gave up on buying milk tea.

It has this build up, this incredibly fluffy build up which won’t make you think it will end the way it did.

Well. you know a fic is good when you know it’s gonna end a certain way but you allow yourself to get strung along anyway.

A Simple Choice by just-quintessentially-me

This is one of those fics for me that double as an aesthetic piece and a plot piece. I remember INCREDIBLY WELL, the road I was imagining that they were walking through and it satisfied my hurt comfort feels as well. Definitely one of my favorite 115-126 fics and one of the first ones I read in the fandom for sure.

So those are the english fics, I have to Japanese fics that fall in that category.

(For anyone who knows Japanese I guess but I personally think they’re worth a google translate.)

熱に浮く(Feverish Dream)

Classic canon compliant. Hange takes care of Levi when he’s sick fic but there are misunderstandings here, they contemplate their relationship and they are incredibly emotionally constipated here. Definitely one of the classics imo and it feeds my need for hurt/comfort.

前世なんてクソだと言う女と全て忘れた男

(A girl who thinks past lives are not real and a boy who forgot everything)

Hange is a teacher, Levi is a janitor. Hange remembers stuff and Levi doesn’t and just really cute stuff.

I’m pretty sure you guys are tired of me rambling about how much this fic means to me but really, I wrote a Tale of Two Slaves (Which is just brushing 100k words already) because this was just so beautiful it got me into the reincarnation genre.

私の中の少女、あなたの中の少年

(The girl inside me and the boy inside you)

Levi and Hange are exes/childhood friends and they meet again in a matchmaking party. This is just the greatest balance between emotional constipation and love. The premise was just perfect for the type of build up

Closest thing I’m gonna drop to smut here. Will leave my smut recs for another post but I’m low key really still thinking whether or not I should expose myself by dropping my favorite Levihan smut pieces hahaha.

Filo Socmed AUs

A lot of these probably aren’t google translatable since Tagalog google translate sucks but if anyone is interested, most Filo Socmed AUs have a fair amount of English so it’s coherent. I guess? I completely forget though how much is in English and how much is in Tagalog but these are the Filo Socmed AUs I REALLY remember and really go back to.

Vividly Remembered

This one got me blowing my days worth of salary on some meal in a restaurant because I didn’t wanna go back home to my house yet so I remember just crying over a meal while finishing up this fanfiction instead of going home.

Basically a fic where Levi and Hange were together already and were about to get married already but shit happened. I irrationally hate Nanaba because of this Socmed AU. Like everytime I see Nanaba, i think of this Socmed AU and I just hate her again.

Photographs

Levi and Hange are part of the photography club and shit happens. I remember being behind on work because I decided to take a three hour lunch break to finish this AU. This satisfied my sick Levi craving in so many ways (especially after reading Yellow)

Wherein Levi doesn’t have social media accounts and Hange is the class beadle

This last one just has the overall aesthetic of my own university so it really stuck tbh. And the premise of the build up is just incredibly cute.

These are the ones I can remember from the top of my head so I’m sure these are among my favorites. I’ll definitely update this as I read more.

#levihan #levihan fanfiction #fanfic recs

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opalmaplehibiscus · 3 years

Text

Information as to Why Twisted Wonderland is NOT an Otome or Dating Sims Game

Hello Everyone! It’s been a while~ ヾ(•ω•`)o I finally found the courage to write Twisted Wonderland content after what happened a couple months ago, when I literally just came back, and while writing a couple of analysis I thought I would write this as an informative rather than an actual analysis of the game.

DISCLAIMER: This post is NOT by any means demeaning otome games or dating sims whatsoever. This was written to clear the misunderstanding people had on the genre of Twisted Wonderland and that anyone should be allowed to be play without feeling restricted or thinking it’s not something they want to try because of misunderstandings. Do NOT use this post as a source to offend people but please use it to inform others.

It’s no longer old news that Twisted Wonderland frequently gets called an “otome game” or dating sims by people who never played the game before. People on twitter, youtube, and even those that were trying to or supposed to advertise the game have often categorized it as such. This wouldn’t have been such a big deal had people recognize and acknowledge that the game isn’t after being explained to about it, but after hearing their arguments as to why they refuse to change how they think about it, the frustration pent up for nearly a year has finally bubbled over. Buckle your seats everyone cause today is the day this argument ends once and for all!

First off, let’s start off with what makes an otome/dating-sims an otome/dating sim. Both are very similar, where, according to Japan’s Wikipedia, Nico dictionary, Kotobanks, and many more Japanese dictionary sites, otome games (i.e. 乙女ゲーム) are games which includes a female MC who has the opportunity to attract the very attractive male characters in the game and enter a love route with each of them separately or harem-like. Dating sims are a bit different. Dating sims (i.e. 恋愛シミュレーションゲーム) falls into to two definitions with the first one being the exact reversal of otome: MC being male, the love interest characters being very attractive females. The second definition is the one many are familiar with – a romantic visual novel. Believe it or not the first definition is the original definition of what dating-sim games are, the second meaning derived from many attempts of using the term “dating-sim” incorrectly by the English speaking gamers to the point society now believes it’s the actual meaning.

However, this difference doesn’t change that both otome and dating sims are very close. Both genres include gender-specific MC(s) (there’s been games where a player can play either male or female), handsome/beautiful characters with their respective love routes, and a main plot to follow. In addition to this, when the game is in mobage format, there’s going to be showers of fan service in the form of events and gacha-cards, though, arguably, it doesn’t change the fact that the MCs would still be interacting with the characters romantically.

So, from the explanation written above, Twisted Wonderland falls into that category, right? Sorry not sorry, that’s wrong. Sure, Twisted Wonderland has many characters to swoon over since…I mean…they’re drawn and written by Yana Toboso and her staff and…there hasn’t been anyone so far who had the capability of saying no to characters she personally had drawn or created. But! It doesn’t mean that the game is a dating sim or otome.

One of the reasons Twisted Wonderland isn’t one of them is how the game is set up. There are no routes the MC can enter nor can the MC pick and choose which characters to focus on in general. Like FGO and Granblue Fantasy, the MC solely follows the main plot and has to interact with all the characters they’re introduced to whether they like it or not. The same logic is applied when playing events – the MC will be participating and talking to all the characters involved in the event. Not once does the game give the opportunity for the MC to choose who they can talk to and participate in the event with the person they chose. The only time it’ll be one-on-one is, most of the time, getting the desired character’s card through gacha or when the event sets the story where the MC has no choice but to talk to a character one-to-one. For the latter though, the MC isn’t going to be able to wish for the character they want to talk to – it’s completely random and up to the writers who they want the MC to interact with.

For otome and dating-sims alike, especially in mobage format, the MC has the opportunity to choose who they wish to focus on and interact solely with the characters they chose whether it’s the main story, event, and card story. It can even be arguably said that otome and dating sims focus solely on the MC and their love interest interaction more than anything else. As for Twisted Wonderland, again, that does not happen. Twisted Wonderland, in addition to progressing the main story and revealing more about the characters involved, focuses on everyone’s interaction with each other including the NPCs. The game shows the other characters that aren’t interacting with the MC talking to other characters and what role they were playing while the MC was busy with the group the writer had them interact with during that time. Even in the card stories, most of the card stories involve more character-to-character interaction rather than MC-to-character interaction.

Speaking of which, the MC in Twisted Wonderland, the game, is gender ambiguous. Not once did the game developers and story writers mentions the MC as a specific gender like the other romance games. Heck, most of the characters don’t even use a gender-specific pronoun such as 彼女 (“kanojo” = she) or 彼 (“kare” = he) when referring to the MC. They usually refer to the MC by their given position, 監督生 ( “kantokusei” = prefect). The only exception is when the game’s mascot and MC’s buddy, Grim (the blue-fire monster), who uses あいつ ( “aitsu”) which is a gender neutral pronoun that holds the vague meaning of “that one” or “that person”. There’s also the fact that the MC’s default name is ユウ (“Yuu”), which is name used by either genders in Japan and how the MC uses gender neutral pronouns when regarding themselves as 自分 (“jibun”) and others as 貴方/あなた (“anata”).

Even during the official advertisement, official summary, official game archive book ( i.e., Twisted Wonderland Magical Archives), and posts made by the staff on twitter, not once did they specify the gender of the MC. In fact, they never once even specified the gender of the audience they’re targeting the game towards nor say anything about there being romance or any hints of harem-esque situations that involves the MC in any shape or form. The most “direct” statement made by Twisted Wonderland’s staff was from an email a fellow Twisted Wonderland fan had sent to the staff after a magazine had advertised the game as “Disney’s first game for women”. The email from the staff mentions that they wanted the game to be enjoyed by everyone, REGARDLESS OF GENDER. (link to said post here)

If they had any intentions of making the game otome-like or dating sim-like, Aniplex, Disney, and Twisted Wonderland staff would’ve mentioned that the game has romance or the possibility for there being romance when releasing the story summary, game system set up, and their ads. Not only would they have done that to get the audience they wish to target but speaking of it legally, they are required to mention it since there’s liability on their part on informing their customers on anything they need to know in regard to the game they’re playing. Age restrictions, fees, game play, and the like – Twisted Wonderland also had to go through the same process like any other visual novel games to be developed and released.

In a way, Twisted Wonderland can be seen as another Touken Ranbu or KanColle, but with an actual main story plot to progress through. All three games’ MCs are gender ambiguous, great characters to throw-er-spend money on, and have fun game plays. Sure, unlike Touken Ranbu and KanColle, where their MCs continues to be gender ambiguous in their anime and manga adaptation, Twisted Wonderland’s MC in the manga adaptation ended up being male – however, a statement was released by Yana revealed that the MC in the game and the MC for the manga are not the same people. (Link here) Meaning, the “real” or “official” MC’s gender continues to be gender ambiguous for the sake of continuing to attract all genders to play the game.

All of this being said, Twisted Wonderland is a fun, visual novel game and supposed to be enjoyed by everyone – each to their own way and passion. No one shouldn’t be discouraged from playing it solely because of false advertisements or misconceptions made by others who haven't played the game yet.

I hope this clears things up and hopefully helps others persuade people into playing the game!

#twst #twisted wonderland #game info

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chalky · 3 years

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The Commodification of c!Tubbo

This essay is unnecessary but I think about it too much so here you go

At this point, y’all are probably sick and tired of me rambling about c!Tubbo, as this is about all my original posts are. But, I feel as though this is an important aspect of his character that is either swept under the rug or never given any second glance.

Whether intentionally or not, Tubbo has been constantly commodified by allies and enemies alike (don’t even get me started on the fandom, that’s for a whole other post). Like, throughout the entire story of the Dream SMP, Tubbo has been looked down upon as a yes man, sidekick, or extension of another character who is incapable of making decisions for himself, which is such a degrading thing to experience for so long and explains why his character values himself so little.

This is a long one, heads up!

I want to break up this dehumanization and commodification into three categories:

Tubbo is either a pawn (something to be used), a trophy(something to be owned), or a scapegoat(something to be blamed) to others.

Tubbo Seen as a Pawn:

Wilbur loved Tubbo, but his treatment of him during the Pogtopia arc was definitely sad to see. (Note: Wilbur was spiraling and his mental health was in shambles. He couldn’t help his paranoia and he deserved way better than the ending he got, but that doesn’t absolve the effects of his actions on others). First he took Tubbo on as a spy, a very dangerous role that landed him dead, but throughout Tubbo’s service Wilbur saw him as an obedient pawn, while not a loyal one. A pawn ready to turn to whatever authority figure commanded him best. His remarks about Tubbo being a yes man back this up, and the way he warns Tommy that Tubbo will betray them erases all of Tubbo’s identity and reduces it to that of a spy (again, this is born of Wilburs paranoia, this isn’t his fault).

Dream made it very clear that he regarded Tubbo as lesser than a toy, so obedient and trusting that he wasn’t worth keeping alive because he was so boring to him. The whole speech about Tubbo being worthless wasn’t even directed at him despite him being right there. Dream only addressed Tommy as if he was the one whose opinion on Tubbos fate mattered.

Jack Manifold literally used Tubbo’s trust to attempt to kill Tommy, saying that he was a sweet guy but way too gullible. No better way to treat someone as a pawn to further ones own agenda than by literally using them. (Him talking about how he’d be there to comfort Tubbo after the assisted murder of his best friend still mildly disturbs me).

Quackity managed to talk Tubbo into going through with the Butcher Army, using Tubbo’s power to further Quackity’s agenda (which, by Quackity’s own admission, did not revolve around the protection of L’manburg.) Quackity didn’t care that Tubbo was against violence, and pushed his concerns to the side in favor of his own ideas and kept comparing Tubbo to Schlatt whenever he acted in a way he disagreed with.

Speaking of, THE CONSTANT DISREGARD OF HIS DECISIONS AS PRESIDENT. His Cabinet never listened to him and lowkey every stream they had together was a bit frustrating to me (I’m also a sensitive bitch). They didn’t respect him in any way and undermined his authority UNTIL THEY NEEDED HIM TO SAVE EVERYONE’S LIFE. (Elaborated on in Scapegoat Category).

Technically, as much as I am a Tommy apologist, Tommy’s constant insistence that the Disc War needed to involve Tubbo kind of fits under this category. As much as Tubbo was happy to help, his involvement wasn’t really necessary, but Tommy needed someone to help him. This involvement nearly resulted in his willing death.

The only reason Dream even wanted to kill Tubbo, on top of perceiving him as useless, was to hurt Tommy and give him something of a “hero origin story” like Batman and his parents or Spider-Man and Uncle Ben. So, literally by Dream’s definition, he wanted to fridge Tubbo.

We could refer to Wilbur assigning Tubbo to presidency as Wilbur using him to make the explosion of L’manburg hurt more, but that feels like a stretch to me.

This may be a stretch, but after Tubbo is executed and Tommy starts getting mad at Technoblade, Wilbur eggs Tommy on by saying “Think of what he did to Tubbo,” while Tubbo is literally right there. His emotions on the event doesn’t matter to Wilbur, only how it impacted Tommy.

Tubbo Seen as a Prize/Trophy

The constant referral of Tubbo as something to be owned by someone, like during Wilburs speech of “he’s your Tubbo!”, is a bit off putting though I don’t think it’s meant to be malicious. Very rarely is the sentiment reversed, seen when Ghostbur gave Tubbo the Your Tommy compass, furthering the idea that Tubbo is an object, something to be sought after and secured with little opportunity for him to own something himself. It’s always “Tommy’s Tubbo”. Also when Schlatt gloated about having “his very own Tubbo”.

Tommy shows more possessive behaviors when dealing with the discovery of Ranboo and Tubbo’s marriage, asking about permission and insisting that Ranboo stole Tubbo from him. I’m sure this is subconscious, I know Tommy values Tubbo as a person but he still reduces Tubbo to an object to guard because he treasures his friend.

Another more vague example would be the fact that Schlatt exiled Wilbur and Tommy, but kept Tubbo as his right hand man even though it was clear he was on POG2020’s side. It was a way to insult Tommy, a way for Schlatt to add salt to the wound by keeping his best friend.

The Dream Team captured Tubbo very early into the Revolution, keeping him in a hole and holding him for ransom (this could be played off for laughs, I just remembered it). They also burned down his base, unrelated really but I remember it.

We could also count the way that Dream kept threatening to kill Tubbo if Tommy didn’t return the disc, but this feels like a mixture of pawn and prize, while still dehumanizing as it compares his value to that of music discs.

Yes, I am going to take c!Tommy joking about killing Michael to get Tubbo and Ranboo to break up so he can get Tubbo back seriously. The way he glared at Michael while holding an axe was just for the stream to see, if it was a joke I feel like he would have said it out loud. Even if it is a joke, laughing about taking something Tubbo loves away just to ruin his relationships is a bit yikes and frames Tubbo as something to be won back. You can ignore this if you didn’t see that moment as canon, but there are plenty of signs pointing to this being in character. (Also to be noted, Tubbo didn’t want to show Michael to Tommy, so Tommy ignored him and asked Ranboo instead, who immediately showed Tommy to Michael despite Tubbo’s clear worries)

Tubbo seen as a Scapegoat

His cabinet flip flopped back and forth on the decision to exile Tommy every five seconds. Whenever they spoke with Tubbo, they were all “You’re right! We’re going to listen to you! We have to do what’s right!” and then they hear a half baked plan and completely switch up on what they already agreed to do. (This happened twice. One at the sit down meeting where Tommy revealed Spirit and the cabinet joined Tommy in his mocking, only to blame him for how the meeting ended. Twice at the exile). So when Tubbo had to follow the original plan to, you know, make sure their country wasn’t put under lock and key until every citizen was eventually killed, his cabinet acted so shocked and betrayed and he was Schlatt and a dictator. It’s very true that he went against their plan (THAT THEY MADE FIVE MINUTES BEFOREHAND AFTER HAVING ALREADY AGREED TO THE FIRST PLAN FOR DAYS), but the way they treated him afterwards, as if he was a vile person for keeping his country safe, heavily impacted Tubbo’s mental state for a long time after. What I’m saying is Tubbo was set up to be the villain in that scenario, accidentally by his allies, and purposefully by Dream.

Tubbo was blamed for the destruction of L’manburg by Dream and a few others (also himself)

TUBBO IS CONSTANTLY BLAMED FOR THE BUTCHER ARMY ARC DESPITE IT BEING COMPLETELY THOUGHT OF AND LEAD BY QUACKITY (This is predominately fandom based).

The full blame for Tommy’s exile has rested on Tubbo (I will never forget Tommy calling him a monster), despite the fact he was manipulated and backed into a corner by Dream. Even when everyone has come to understand that Tommy was manipulated by Dream, the same doesn’t go for Tubbo and he’s hit with “imagine exiling your best friend” jokes many times.

Wilbur puts the decision of blowing people up at the festival on Tubbo’s shoulders, absolving him of the blame.

Schlatt made Tubbo tear down the L’manburg walls and the important signs so he could have to deal with the blame (though Quackity took the fall for this).

This is more theory based, but I fully believe Wilbur made Tubbo president right in front of Techno to egg him on to attack L’manburg. Since Tubbo would be the president, he would take the full brunt of Techno’s wrath (and he and Tommy did), and the destruction fell onto him.

So! With my text evidence we can see a recurring pattern in the way that Tubbo has been used by many people over the history of the server without much regard for his feelings. There are very few times when people besides Tommy ask how Tubbo feels about a situation, leaving him to his dark thoughts without anybody caring. Even during the Final Disc War, when Tubbo was literally moments from death, nobody asks how he is. Nobody (except Quackity once) checks up on him, and he builds up his community by himself. Until Ranboo came along, and I am not overexaggerating this, nobody was with Tubbo to support him. He had no support system and nobody cared. They just assume that he is always fine and if he wasn’t, it isn’t their place to intervene. Tubbo is just not respected, feared, or acknowledged unless he has someone by his side, or unless he’s doing something bad in which case he’s unhinged and evil and sure to have a villain arc.

This is just something to find interesting:

The only few characters Tubbo is actively involved with that hasn’t looked down on him as a sidekick or an object has been Foolish, Puffy, Ranboo and Technoblade. You could make an argument of how Technoblade referring to him as “government” could be dehumanizing but I don’t think I’ve actually seen him do that in character? I could be wrong though. Really, Technoblade takes him seriously, but way more seriously than c!Tubbo warrants. Like, he’s looking for a tyrant to beat up and Tubbo is literally just a guy with a lot of issues struggling to keep a handle on his cabinet, which I find funny. But, jokes aside, Technoblade saw Tubbo as a legitimate threat during his presidency and is respectfully cautious of him and his nukes presently, which is surprising to me. Ranboo adores Tubbo and all of his chaos that people are unaware of because they don’t get to know him well enough. Puffy just wants the best for all the kids of the server and knows how to be respectful of their feelings, and Foolish is respectful of Tubbo, if a bit annoyed and intimidated by him.

The point of this essay is just to show that there is a pattern to these things. This is how Tubbo is treated, this is why Tubbo is prepared to die for whatever because because he doesn’t feel he’s worth anything while alive, and this is why it’s frustrating to see characters call him a follower, pawn, or yes man. And here’s the thing: I DONT KNOW WHY THEY TREAT HIM LIKE THIS??? Why him? I can’t really find out why this started to happen.

To sum some things up, no I don’t think every character who treats him poorly is completely evil. Again, some of this seems to be subconscious, some of this could be argued to be OOC, I just wanted to bring this pattern to light.

#dream smp #tubbo #meta #tubbo appreciation #character analysis #jschlatt #dreamwastaken #I said I’d do an essay #here’s the essay

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monstersandmaw · 4 years

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Male drider x female reader - Part Three (sfw)

Edit which I’m including in all my works after plagiarism and theft has taken place: I do not give my consent for my works to be used, copied, published, or posted anywhere. They are copyrighted and belong to me.

Sorry for the huge delay on posting this - I was prepping to drive halfway up the country last week, and then when we got here my mother in law fell and badly broke her arm at the shoulder, and had to go to the local hospital, with surgery scheduled for Monday, so it’s been... busy...

Here’s part three of cranky spooder, with part four (final, long, and nsfw) scheduled for next Wednesday so that even if there’s more drama up here in the Lakes, you’ll still get your story.

This one is shorter, but I still hope you enjoy it. The fact that he's a widower is brought up, and the fire in which his wife and unborn eggs died is also mentioned, but briefly, and in no real detail. Hope you enjoy getting to know him a little better, and we find out his name in this one too.

On Monday morning, you pushed the door open with no small degree of trepidation, but found it deserted. Your task for that morning would take you up the wooden and brass ladders into the upper reaches of the library shelves, up and down, up and down. It was exhausting, but you welcomed the exertion after days of standing over piles of books and noting down titles.

On your fifth trip down, arms laden with books, you heard your name spoken from below, but as you looked down, your foot slipped, and the books rained down to the ground.

With a shout, you scrabbled for the ladder rung but missed, and found yourself falling through the void behind you. There were easily fifteen feet between you and the hard floor, but before you could even process what was really happening, something cushioned your back and you bounced softly, swaying perhaps four feet off the ground.

Looking around, you found that you were lying in a hammock of white webbing, slung hastily from a shelf nearby and gripped in the front talons of a drider’s two front legs.

Carefully, he lowered it to the ground and held out his hand to you. Shaking, you stepped from the webbing, too surprised to notice that it wasn’t sticky, and let him lead you back to the table. “Are you alright?” he asked.

You nodded, adrenaline still flooding through you.

“I thought I wasn’t going to catch you for a second there.”

“Thank you,” you managed. “That would have been a nasty fall…”

“I shouldn’t have distracted you like that. It was thoughtless of me.”

Looking up at him as he cringed away slightly, you found yourself asking, “What’s your name?”

“My name? Why?”

You shrugged. “Everyone calls you ‘the master’, but you’re not my master. I don’t work here.”

“Yes you do,” he said, glancing at the table groaning with books for reshelving.

“Only for another four months,” you said. “I mean… I’m not part of your staff. I don't know what to call you.”

He swallowed thickly and half turned from you, showing you his profile. He had a slightly hooked nose and a sharp chin, and his dark, glowering brows didn’t lend any softness to his already angular and gaunt face. “Gilvas,” he said, so softly you nearly missed it. “My name is Gilvas.”

“Well, Gilvas,” you said with a faint chuckle, “I think we’ve got to find a way to stop scaring the living shit out of each other whenever we meet… Unless you want to keep shaking me from the stacks like an apple from a tree…”

He stepped back then and blinked softly. The tiniest smile graced his lips and he stared at you. “Perhaps we should,” he said. Taking another few steps back, his legs moving like silent mechanical levers in an inventor’s toy, he swallowed again and sighed. “What are you working on today?”

Your gaze dropped to the scattered books and you picked one up and held it out to him. “See for yourself.”

He reached falteringly for the book and missed, eyelids fluttering. “Like I care anyway,” he said, turning and leaving.

“Wait,” you called. “I’m sorry. That was thoughtless of me.”

At that, he halted again. “Excuse me?”

“I forgot…” you admitted. “I forgot that…”

“That what?” he snarled, rounding on you and rearing up again, though only slightly this time. His pendulous body acted as a counterweight and he hung there like a nightmare between the shelves. “That I can’t see you in this light? That catching you was a literal shot in the dark? That I can’t read the title of a book this close to my face?” He brandished the tome before flinging it roughly into the depths behind you.

“Yes,” you said breathlessly.

Your admission must have taken the wind out of him because he sagged, returning his lethally-clawed spider legs to the ground again and turning away, resting his weight on the shelf with a hand as he did so. “I shouldn't have lost my temper,” he said quietly, and then left.

Chance meetings with him after that seemed to occur more regularly, though none matched that one for drama, to your relief. Finally, on one rainy afternoon as you stood by the window taking a break, he approached you. His hair was tied back off his face that day, revealing its gaunt angles and bruised-looking shadows. He was clearly a wreck of his former self, but you thought you could see the ghost of who he had been.

“You’ve finished the first four sections,” he stated.

You turned from the rainy view and nodded. “Yeah. It’s still a lifetime’s work to fix all this, you know? I’m just grouping it by category. If you want a detailed catalogue of everything that’s in here, you need to hire someone permanently.”

He nodded. “I’m aware. Though frankly, I can’t see the point. When I die, the whole estate will be broken up anyway.”

The bluntness of his words took you by surprise and you paced over to him. He wavered, as if on the point of stepping back into the safety of the shadows, but he remained where he was. He had the body of a black widow spider, you had come to realise, with the black carapace marked with the hourglass of red. The red streak in his hair highlighted it, and the colour was picked up again in his inhuman, garnet-red eyes and in the swirling, watercolour birthmark across the right side of his face and neck.

“Don’t say that,” you breathed.

“Why not?” he scoffed. “It’s the truth. I have no heirs.”

“Gilvas…” you began, but you stopped. It wasn’t your place. In the months you’d been here, all the two of you had discussed was poetry and shared the odd comment on whatever your current topic was.

With a long inhale, he said, “Tell me about yourself?”

“What about me?” you laughed. “I’m an archivist, my best friend is an orc, I’ve lived in Starfall Springs all my life, save for going to the university at Old Trollbridge, and —”

“What college?”

“At Trollbridge?” you asked. “Lady Francis.” Lady Francis of the Barbed Arrow, to give it its full title, but no one called it that.

He smiled. “I was at Calnehouse.”

Something softened in him then as he trailed his elegant, if bony, fingertips along the edge of the table.

“Met my wife there.”

Your heart leapt. This was the first time he’d ever mentioned her - or anything personal really. “What did she study?” you asked in a whisper.

“Foreign languages,” he said, voice catching. “She was brilliant.”

“You must have loved her very much…” you offered, your words feeling empty and inadequate.

Meekly, he nodded. “She would have liked you.”

“Oh?”

“Mm.”

With a shy smile, you ventured, “May I ask why?”

He twitched his head in a ‘follow me’ gesture, and you walked by his side to the back of the library. A panel stood between two wide bookshelves, and he pressed a rosette amid the ornate carving. With a click, it sprang free from the wall, and he ducked through it with barely a whisper of room on each side of his body, leaving you to follow after. As the door closed behind you, the corridor was plunged into complete darkness.

You gasped and shot a hand out for the wall.

“This way. It’s not far,” Gilvas murmured, and a moment later, a shaft of light pierced through the absolute blackness and the pair of you emerged at the other end in an unfamiliar part of the house.

“Where are we?” you asked as you watched him squeeze through and step down into a slightly lower passage. He turned and, to your surprise, offered you his hand.

You took it and found his skin cool, almost cold, and his grip strong despite the slight tremble to his fingers. He steadied you and then let go, allowing you to look around. Portraits hung all down the corridor and you stared from one to the other of them. Most seemed to be of driders, although you picked out a tiefling in one, and what appeared to be a human in another.

Finally, your eyes lighted on a striking likeness of a young, female drider with pure white hair and lavender skin. “Is that…?”

Silently, he nodded and blinked slowly.

You crossed to her and stared up at the modestly sized painting. The drider was laughing, caught on the moment of turning to look out at the viewer, hair swirling. You thought of all the life and vivaciousness he’d missed out on since holing himself up in here after her death. “She’s beautiful,” you choked. “I’m so sorry you lost her.”

“There was a fire,” he said. “Took out the whole east wing. Gutted it. I… I couldn’t reach them.”

“Them?” you blurted unthinkingly.

“She was… She was with…”

A chill plunged through you as you remembered what Naril had told you, and you turned from the painting. “Stop,” you hissed. “You don't have to relive that. I’m sorry.”

He blinked down at you, face achingly sad. “I’m glad you came here, you know?”

“I thought I was just a nuisance, reorganising all your books and getting in the way…”

He managed a weak, wonky smile and shook his head. “This place has been the same for too long.”

With a quick glance back over your shoulder at the laughing drider, you asked, “How… Low long?”

“Nine years,” he said. “She died in our last year of university. In the spring.”

“And you’ve lived here alone all this time?”

“I’m not alone,” he said, turning and looking pointedly down the length of the corridor.

Frowning, you turned and found Chiara standing at the far end, gawping at the pair of you. “My lord?” the harpy croaked, looking stunned to find you there. “Is…?” she looked from you to him again. “Is everything alright?”

His lip twitched fractionally, and he nodded. “I was just…” he sighed. “Never mind. I should let you get back to work. I promise not to shake you from the rafters again.”

“Only if you promise to catch me,” you grinned as he opened up the passageway for you.

He faltered. And then nodded. “Deal.”

Final Part --->

___

I really hope you folks enjoyed this one! Don’t forget to let me know if you did enjoy it by leaving a like and/or reblogging it!

#drider #exophilia #monster boyfriend #drider x reader #drider boyfriend #male monster x female reader #male drider x female reader #male drider #male monster #female reader #spider monster #cranky spooder

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

Note

While I agree that Oz shouldn't have to tell people about his history with Salem and trauma, not telling them she's inmortal is just stupid. Yes, people have betrayed him, but better weed out the Ravens and Lionhearts early on and have less allies but all in the same page, than Salem breaking them like she did with Hazel or his allies making bad decisions based on their faulty knowledge. (1/2)

It's a stance I'd definitely agree with if the show had done anything to show us that, as you say, the characters were making "bad decisions based on their faulty knowledge." But have we ever seen that? What mistakes have the heroes made because they didn't know about Salem's immortality? The closest thing I can think of is Ironwood believing that he can amass an army, but the core task there — supposedly uniting the world by telling everyone about Salem — is still presented as an unambiguously good thing because Ruby does that despite knowing no army will defeat her and despite not having Atlas' support in combating the inevitable grimm attacks. So clearly, "Telling people about Salem" is not (according to the story) some big mistake that people would likely refrain from making once they know of her immortality. Ruby still did that.

And what other choices have people made? To join the fight at all? That's the go-to answer within the fandom, that it's considered manipulative to coax our heroes into this war without providing them with a full knowledge of their enemy. It's another argument I buy on the surface, but not within RWBY's context, because everyone is already neck deep in this battle, entirely by choice. Everyone chose to become huntsmen and defend the people in an incredibly dangerous career. Everyone chose to fight in the Battle of Beacon when it was clear that human enemies were set against them — regardless of who might be giving them orders. Ruby, Ren, Nora, and Jaune all chose to go hunt down a Maiden themselves. It's only when they're halfway through this hunt that they realize, for the first time, that Ruby herself is also hunted. But that has never informed their decisions. It was never a story, from their perspective, about them being forced into this war, it's the story of them choosing it again and again despite knowing they didn't understand wtf was going on. The group didn’t get involved in dangerous stuff because they lacked knowledge, they got involved in dangerous stuff despite lacking knowledge. Knowledge was never a requirement for them to throw themselves into the fight. So I always found the argument that the group was maneuvered into this war because they thought Salem was killable to be pretty lacking. Ruby was determined to fight no matter what, right from the start, and everyone is quite literally just following Ruby. Yang says it the most overtly: wherever her sister goes, she goes. Salem's mortality or lack thereof was never the driving force.

Did they still deserve to know out of some generic respect towards all fighters in this war? Arguably yeah, but the story has done incredibly little — really nothing at all imo — to prove that from a practical perspective that's worth the damage knowing about Salem causes. As said, I think the closest we get to seeing the ramifications of not telling someone about Salem’s immortality is with Ironwood, yet the story (as you say) argues that lying to him was a GOOD thing, not telling Mantle about Salem's immortality was okay, and the one choice made under the belief that she was mortal — telling the world — is still their ultimate goal. So where are these mistakes everyone is making from not knowing about Salem immortality? It’s not when Raven left the fight. Or decided to murder a young woman to seize more power to protect herself. Or when Lionheart helped orchestrate the Fall of Beacon and the death of most of Mistral’s huntsmen. Or when Hazel decided that serving the immortal being was preferable to opposing her. Or when Tyrian came to believe that she was a God to worship. Or when Qrow decided that everything he’s done up until this point was useless and he sunk so deep into his alcoholism that his niece basically had to tell him to shape up or she’d ditch him. That’s a whole lot of bad attached to learning the secret, the tinniest timeframe within a multi-generation war, and none of the characters are positioned as making mistakes as a result of not knowing about her immortality. Everyone’s mistakes come as a result of knowing.

Meanwhile, the knowledge of Salem’s immortality hasn’t benefited the heroes in any way. They haven’t theorized over how to contain her instead of killing her; it hasn’t changed their approach to the fight. They didn’t even take that knowledge and use it as a means of survival, concluding that they must outrun her if they can’t defeat her. Remember, that plan, Ironwood’s, was unanimously rejected. So what benefit has the story shown us for knowing Salem’s biggest secret? And what detriment has come as a result of not knowing it? As far as I can see, it’s all bad in one category, no good in the other, and no evidence of successfully weeding out a core group who can weather the secret and are made stronger by it. Which makes that generic, “But keeping secrets is wrong” pretty flimsy imo. I think it’s very easy to assume that not having such a crucial piece of information would be detrimental to the cast and that having it would radically change their approach to this war... but RWBY didn’t write that. Instead we’re given a story where only bad things happen when this secret comes out and learning the secret has not yet assisted the few heroes who had the willpower to stay, yet simultaneously we’re told that spilling this secret is unambiguously The Right Thing To Do (unless Ruby decides against that, of course). As is so often the case in RWBY, the thematic message they want to impart doesn’t at all match up with what’s actually written because, as you say, anon, everything we get is basically done at the roll of a dice. Yeah, it could have been a great plotline. It would have been staggeringly easy to make it a great plotline simply by virtue of having the characters benefit somehow from learning this secret and pulling back a little on the extent of the damage done from other who’d learned it... but yeah, we didn’t get that. It’s only our real world beliefs that lying is bad, secrets are bad, and having all knowledge is automatically a good thing that causes this instinctual flinch away from these choices. The problem is, no secret like this exists in our world. We’ve never had to test the golden rule of truth against a secret that causes this much harm against so little reward. In the same way we’ve never had to test the justification of having an army against a world overrun with endless, evil monsters — so viewers tend to just work from their real life knowledge of, “Well, armies are bad” and assume the same must be true of this fictional world. But it’s not. My own upbringing indeed loudly says, “Yes. Such massive secrets are bad. Ozpin should have at least trusted his inner circle with this,” yet the story hasn’t done anything to validate that viewpoint. The vast majority of the series’ horrors stem from those who did learn of Salem’s immortality, the one inner circle member who took it in a stride was painted as the cartoon bad guy, and the group who overcame their feelings of hopelessness immediately copied Ozpin’s decisions and have yet to benefit from knowing this secret, three volumes later. So what in all that says that keeping this secret, in this world, was a bad thing?

#rwby #mymetas

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daisybeewrites · 3 years

Text

Academy Blues — Prologue

word count: 1.8k

warnings: not any for this chapter

ship: Dousy, background Fitzsimmons and Philinda

okay y’all.. here it is. the first installment of my first LONG TERM SERIES!!!!!! ahhhh i’m so excited. literally i cant wait to continue this and see where it takes me. i have an idea and a few different planning sheets, but honestly i have no idea where exactly this will end up. i love each and single one of you <3 thank you for reading!! this is also posted on Ao3, and linked in the masterlist.

Daisy hated the sound of the bells at The Academy. Screeching, awful, way too loud, the bells were the bane of her existence. They all wore standard-issue watches from the lab that monitored vitals and gave them reminders, and also told the time, for god’s sake! Fitz had even modified hers so that she could play snake on the tiny watch face! There was no need for the bells to be so excruciatingly disruptive. Though, Daisy guessed, there were many things more tortuous than bells ringing every hour and fifteen minutes.

Daisy slowed to a jog, cutting her morning run short. The bright side to being a third-year was that you chose your schedule, for the most part, and that meant Daisy had a free first period for four out of five days of classes. She usually spent this free period getting an extra hour in at the gym, boxing or sparring with Mack or Bobbi, two fourth years that had reluctantly taken her under their wings, or sleeping in. She reserved sleeping in for especially rough nights where visions of ashes and earthquakes and lightning returned time and time again, no matter how many deep breaths she took or sheep she counted.

But this morning was not one of those mornings. She had been up before sunrise, a little before her usual alarm and silently headed out of her dorm for a run. It was humid this time of year on most Virginia mornings, but never so hot that it made Daisy feel as if she was being smothered. The cooler air chilled her sweaty skin, her chest rising and falling as she jogged up the three flights of steps to the second years’ dorms. Down one long hallway, and she arrived at her room.

Daisy had been given her own room at the start of last year, complete with poly-adaptic-proto-whatever panels, which she had painted a pastel shade of purple, to compliment the greens of her cacti and the dark purples and blacks of everything else in her room. Even May had agreed that the stark white was too ”psych wing” for a bedroom. Daisy was grateful for the space, but considering the panels and the private room were only necessary since...

She shuddered. Grabbing her shower caddy, Daisy set off to the bathroom at the opposite end of the hall, hoping no one else was spending a free first period at the dorms.

Her shoulder-length waves were wet from bouncing against her neck, and starting to become annoying now that the sweat had dried and was starting to itch. Picking the white tiled shower furthest away from the door, Daisy quickly turned the water on, checked the temperature, pulled her sports bra and shorts off and hopped into the shower. Shampoo, condition, soap body, rinse. Checking her watch, Daisy found that she had showered in record time, less than three minutes. After spending another five just enjoying the hot water, she hopped out and changed into her class clothes.

Dark purple leggings, Coulson’s grey vintage SHIELD tee and a pair of white running sneakers she had “borrowed” from Jemma completed her look. Passing the mirrors, Daisy tried not to glance at herself. If her hair was messy or her undereye bags a bit too dark, she didn’t want to know. Instead, she headed back to her room to pack her bag for the day.

SHIELD-issued laptop, extra hard drives and a charger, Advanced CS 3: Ethical Hacking: Theory and Application, Advanced CS 4: Secrets of The Coding Languages, Physics notebook, an essay that was three days late on some boring book about international laws, and her sparring gear were all thrown into the black bag. She gave a second glance at the Russian notebooks Bobbi had loaned to her, promising that she’d learn without taking the class. Oh well, she still had all of this term to start. Plus, would she ever really need more than the dirty words?

One look at the alarm clock that sat on her dark hardwood night table showed that she still had almost forty-five minutes before she had to be in the computer lab. Sitting down on her bed, Daisy ran a hand over the grey blanket May had given her.

Daisy’s relationship with May and Coulson had been something of a problem with other students when she first got here. Some had been okay with the obvious paternal love Coulson showed for Daisy, showing her around and checking up on her, scheduling lunch dates and reminding her of tests. May was more subtle, texting her links to tai chi videos when she noticed Daisy getting too stressed or letting Daisy do her own thing if she saw that she was overwhelmed. Of course, none of the other students knew her family history, what she had gone through just to realize that May and Coulson were more her parents than her biological father and mother could ever be. She would see them later today—May during field training and Coulson in between lectures in the canteen.

Daisy walked over to her window to open her blinds, staring out at the campus she had grown to love. The large brick buildings scattered around acres of the Virginia countryside; green fields meant for physical activities like sparring or obstacle courses, or simply basking in the weather to study or chat; the dorms—red brick and concrete melded together to upgrade and expand the charming style of previously-built homes.

Grabbing a protein bar, Daisy headed to the canteen to make a green smoothie (and maybe snatch a cup of joe before she had to listen to an hour-long lecture on the reason SHIELD must cooperate with the UN’s stupid rules at 7:30 in the morning). Smelling the pines and morning dew surrounding her, she smiled slightly. Maybe this term wouldn’t be so bad.

———————————————————————

Daniel Sousa was a man of honor. He was a man of great strength. Agent Daniel Sousa, previously Officer Daniel Sousa in the US Army, was a man who could fix his damn alarm clock on his own.

Just, not today. Or the day before.

So, Agent Daniel Sousa was now hurrying his way to class at The SHIELD Academy, books in hand and gym bag slung over his shoulders. Catching a glance at himself in the shiny glass doors of the bio-chem building, he groaned. He hadn’t even brushed his hair. And, looking down, he discovered he was wearing two different shoes.

This is the college experience everyone raves about, he thought bitterly. You see, Daniel Sousa had enlisted to the army straight out of high school, forgoing university. He climbed the ranks impressively quickly, earning his place as second-in-command and reconnaissance scout in the 28th Infantry Regiment. Unfortunately, after only four years in the army, Sousa was injured in the field, losing his leg and almost his life.

He came back to the US a war hero, and yet, he felt he wasn't finished. So, when a recruiter named Peggy Carter knocked on his door claiming to be from SHIELD (“Wow, you guys are still a thing?”), he leapt at the chance to continue fighti-...doing good. The Academy wasn’t exactly what he had bargained for, though. Trying to earn his B.A. and training to be an agent at the same time was grueling, but nothing he couldn’t deal with.

No, six different one hour and fifteen minute long classes plus mandatory physical therapy every day wasn’t going to break him. Learning how to be a communications agent and re-starting field training and catching up on general college education was no problem. Pressuring himself to be the best, to break the limits, to get past all his weaknesses was just another miniscule feather to add to the pile.

Unless his stupid alarm clock broke. Then yes, Agent Daniel Sousa would fail, buckle under the weight and be left on the floor to die.

Maybe he was being a bit dramatic.

One bunny-slippered right foot and a sneakered left leg carried him forward, propelled by a quickly chugged orange Celsius and his sheer will not to be late.

Daniel heard the late bell ring out, understanding that, on his first day of class, he would be counted late. It wasn’t like him, not at all. Especially when his first class was a refresher course on field tactics and covert strategy, something in which he was already aces.

He let out a sigh, slowing as he rounded the corner into the comms building. At the Academy, most buildings were grouped into categories: the cafeteria, gym and pool, and student resource building all to the south; the gun range, obstacle course, and specialized gym to the east; bio-chem labs, tech labs, and smaller rooms for lectures to the west; the computer labs and comms buildings right smack in the middle; and dorms to the north.

He swiped a key card with his driver’s license picture and student ID, unlocking the sliding doors that led to the computer labs. It was quicker to short cut through them than to walk around the building to the entrance closest to communications classrooms.

It wasn’t because he knew a certain broody brunette spent her mornings in the lab.

No, it wasn’t, because she wasn’t in her usual seat in the corner, typing away.

He slowly walked through the rows of computers, searching for a familiar black backpack. Nothing was there.

“Hey, Sousa,” an accented female voice called behind him. He whipped around to see who it was, feeling just a twinge of disappointment when Elena, or, as most people knew her, Yo-Yo, was leaning against the door frame. Yo-Yo, a fourth year operations trainee, who was very close with Daisy.

“Hey, Yo-Yo. Good morning,” he called, “I’m running a bit late.”

Elena checked her nails casually, “Way to state the obvious. You were running faster than I could trying to get here before the bell.”

Daniel rubbed the back of his neck and blushed. “Yeah…”

“Daisy’s running late today, too.”

Daniel looked around, pretending that hearing Daisy’s name didn’t make him want to smile. “Oh, of course. She’s usually here early.”

Elena nodded, chuckling a little at his response. She couldn’t tell if he was oblivious or just a bad liar. It was charming, really. “Right. See ya ‘round, Sousa!”

“See ya,” He replied. He thought he heard a quiet ‘Lovable nerds’ coming from the direction she left, but he couldn’t be sure.

And so, with a last look around the computer lab, Daniel set off to arrive late to May’s lecture.

———————————————————————

okay okay,,, what do y’all think?? like/reblog and let me know! it’s the best way to support writers and it only takes a second! stay tuned for more chapters!!

#academy blues #daisy johnson #agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.#dousy #daisy johnson x daniel sousa #timequake #daniel sousa #jemma simmons #leo fitz #fitzsimmons #philinda #philindaisy #ashby’s fics #marvels aos #au!

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kitkatopinions · 3 years

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There's no comparing RWBY 'weapons are part of our souls' to LOTR 'I love not the sword for its sharpness, the arrow for its swiftness or the warrior for his glory, I love only that which they defend'. Ruby fetishizes weaponry so much it's practically a meta gag, while Faramir and Sam long to set their swords aside for gardening trowels. Rwby simps can eternally BTFO making comparisons between them

If RWBY was still back in season three, I'd say comparing it to something like LOTR just isn't fair, that just because there was a lot more big, significant moments in season three didn't mean it was suddenly meant to be taken that seriously. It'd feel like comparing Steven Universe and Phineas and Ferb, because Steven Universe is meant to be an emotional, story-based show with a lot of depth despite it's comedy and goofiness, and Phineas and Ferb is meant to be an episodic show based on comedy and goofiness that still manages to have moments that lean towards being more emotional. Incomparable, really. Steven Universe obviously beats out Phineas and Ferb in terms of character development, emotional beats, story beats, plot consistency, etc, but it's because Phineas and Ferb was never in that ballpark, they were playing in the ballpark in the mall across town with Spongebob and Hey Arnold.

RWBY back in volumes 1-3 had it's incredibly messy things that screwed up the flow and narrative (like for instance the White Fang arc, which was horrible for a number of reasons and always a major blight on the show.) But it was still essentially a school-based, anime inspired, funny web cartoon with great designs and combat choreography that was the highlight of the show, while the plot was there to hold it up. But volume three heralded in a big change in the show (which don't get me, isn't inherently bad, just badly handled imo.) All of a sudden, RWBY as a show was asking to be taken really seriously in volume four. All of our main characters were traumatized, separated, suffering, in over their heads in a world they no longer understood and dealing with deeply personal problems like abusive home lives, PTSD, and self-hatred causing them to push away loved ones. It reminds me in a way of the Harry Potter books changing from 'fun and whimsical adventures in a magic school with writing and style choices a bit reminiscent of Roald Dahl that also has some darker background tones' into 'Harry is fucking traumatized and keeps getting more traumatized, everyone keeps dying around him, the person he once was at eleven now felt like a little brother that had died long ago, his pet owl has been murdered.'

But while they introduced darker themes, it's like they had no idea how to handle them. They started out okay with it, but instead of giving these important topics any depth and world building and moral messages and the focus they deserved, they either sloppily tied up 'resolutions' that were unsatisfying or have just piled on more and more stuff they don't seem to want to deal with. A good example of this is Penny. Her death was hugely significant in volume three, and yet Ruby's grief took a backseat for the majority of season four. After a mentioning in season five, Ruby doesn't mention her again. Then when Penny returns, Ruby doesn't give much reaction, there's no emotional depth, it feels like she barely even cares that Penny's back from the dead. She then decides for Penny that she's going to get a flesh body (I don't wanna hear anyone say that isn't what happened,) while acting totally confident and unaffected by it. She watches Penny's robotic body die while looking like it's reaching out for help while that Penny's eyes do the exact same thing her original body did before the Fall of Beacon, and Ruby doesn't react to that and just goes about her business. (Those scenes are literally triggering for people and I myself don't fully know why, but it's hard for me to even type about it, and the show treated it like just another Tuesday.) Then, Penny chooses to die and frames it like the only choice she's ever made (ignoring all previous content,) and is murdered by a character she's barely spoken to 'for the Greater Good,' while Ruby has no freaking clue about any of it because she already had been removed from the story.

I could talk more about this, but it's running on in length and I want to get to the next point.

Which is that RWBY's attempts at featuring war, loss, trauma, etc while under the banner of hopepunk and presenting itself as serious invites comparison to stories that are more serious like Lord of the Rings. And if not that, than at the very least it invites comparisons to other hopeful but serious story based cartoons like Steven Universe and Avatar the Last Airbender. But the problem is that when comparing them, RWBY does not hold up! Like, at all!

That's what drives me nuts with seeing people compare RWBY to Avatar and Lord of the freaking Rings, because they clearly missed something important when they say that RWBY holds a candle to these things that are both held up as great examples of good writing and world building, two areas that RWBY really falls short in. It's so out of left field, so outrageous. RWBY has always operated under writers that flew by the seat of their pants, brushed off sloppiness, retconned at will, dropped plots, added in things last minute, struggled to make their characters interact in meaningful ways... To compare that to well thought out and beautiful stories like Lord of the Rings, Avatar, or even Steven Universe (the last season rushed against Rebecca Sugar's wishes,) and say that RWBY is in the same league is so weird.

Which like, if people like RWBY just as much as these other shows, that's great for them! If they love RWBY even more, that's also great for them! There's plenty of things I will love and treasure that just aren't as good as other things in the same category. I'm not trying to crap on people who just love RWBY, just... Commenting on the whole 'compare RWBY to Lord of the Rings' thing. One of these stories was prepared to portray serious, real world topics like trauma and the effects of war, and another story... Should have stayed in the lane it was willing to explore. Those are my thoughts on it, at least.

#rwde #anti rwby #rwby hate #rwby bashing #rwby criticism #anti mkek #anti rooster teeth

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notthatiwilleverwriteit · 4 years

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Thoughts on the new extra? I know some people might think he tian was forcing himself on mo. but he was just teasing him and getting payback and it's part of character to push boundaries. tianshan don't have the "fluff" dynamic like zhanyi. if mo really hated that he would have reacted the same way like the first kiss. Maybe he tian wanted to actually kiss mo with the way he was touching his lips but he's afraid of the reaction. Mo might have some more dreams about he tian after that😅😂

Hello, dear anon!

Before getting any further, I’m using the translation by @1154lizz for this answer. Thank you for your speedy hard work for the fandom! 🙏

It sure seems like the fandom is being divided by the latest special chapter. Considering that Tianshan has always done that, I’m not really surprised but I do hope the conversation stays civil.

I also want to remind anyone reading this that the following is merely my own opinion on the update. I am not trying to tell anyone how to interpret or feel about the special. Everyone is entitled to their own take on it, and I don’t think neither side of the argument is inherently right or wrong. Even though I’m a Tianshan shipper, I don’t think people who feel uncomfortable with the pairing can’t make valid points. And just because we might disagree, it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t respect each other’s points of view.

Overall (drink up!), I have touched upon the subjects of Tianshan’s physical moments and if I think they are toxic/abusive:

What if HT kissed MGS again? (on the lips)

Is Tianshan toxic?

Is Tianshan toxic, vol. 2?

Intimate Tianshan moments I wish will happen

What Tianshan sex would be like in the future?

Those are probably something worth checking out to have a better understanding of where I’m coming from regarding these topics.

Now, let’s finally get to your ask!

“Thoughts on the new extra?”

To be honest, my initial reaction to the panels before knowing what was going on was “yikes 😬”. Especially, the first panels. I was a bit disappointed and put off that it seemed like we were going somewhat backward. So, I can understand why people might have been upset about the update. I think being taken aback and uncomfortable is a fair olive branch that can be extended even if you might disagree. It didn’t look good to me at first, either.

Then I read the English translation and got a better sense of what was going on. I got a proper context for the panels, and it started to look different (ch. 333):

So, MGS had accidentally kicked HT in the balls when HT scared the living bazooka out of him. And now HT was seeking revenge by making MGS “massage them”.

If you put the panels that admittedly didn’t look good in that context, they pretty much fall in line with the previous time HT’s balls were accidentally abused by MGS (ch 298):

HT took revenge by pushing MGS down and trying to “feel” MGS down there, most probably to return the favor. To me, this is the kind of juvenile humor that is well established in the comic already, and HT asking MGS to “massage them” was in that category. That kind of humor isn’t for everyone but I think it’s the type that is very typical to 19 Days.

Admittedly, the two panels have two very different environments and vibes which is why I also felt somewhat uncomfortable about the latest one. HT trying to feel MGS up after the accidental slap has a more playful atmosphere while HT pulling MGS’s hand towards his crotch in a dim bedroom comes across very differently. But in general, after reading the translation, the bedroom scene fit that whole revenge type of teasing already familiar in the comic.

Another thing that shifted in nature to me was the “forcing himself on MGS”. As I said, at first it did look like yikes to me. Then I read the translations and three things changed.

First of all, it became the kind of hot I personally enjoy in Tianshan dynamics (ch. 333):

As I said in one of my earlier answers about what I think Tianshan sex will be like in the future, I see them having some “spice” that stems from their push and pull dynamics. HT being physically in charge and having his usual pushy demeanor. And MGS would consent but also be his usual defiant self and kind of “if you want it, then you gotta take it” that I think fits his character.

I do admit that HT pulling MGS’s hand forcefully like that and MGS not being on the same page wasn’t exactly the kind of spice I meant but in general, I liked HT’s dominance and the hint of danger. That “I dare” by HT sent little shivers down my back and was just how I wanted it. Now, all we need to add to that is MGS getting more comfortable.

Secondly, another thing besides spice in my earlier post was “sugar” and “teasing” (or “seasoning” as @19elaine better put it). I think both of them were present in the special chapter, too (ch. 333):

HT was teasing and messing with MGS. He was looking for revenge in the way he knew would be the most “efficient” in the sense that it makes MGS regret kicking him for sure. But HT’s form of revenge also had sexual innuendos which I think is a big part of Tianshan’s interactions. Teasing and bullying not only pushes the boundaries in a titillating way but also upholds the sexual tension undertones between them.

The last panels also gave me vibes of “sugar”. I think when HT said he “can’t help it” (bullying MGS), he was teasing MGS but also being honest and vulnerable under the surface. I think he wanted to kiss MGS and show him that kind of affection but settled for something that wouldn’t cross big lines that MGS wasn’t ready to cross yet. But HT does want that kind of physical intimacy and affection, and on some level, it’s difficult for him to try and be patient. He doesn’t want them to have to them (aka to take them for his own pleasure) but rather because that’s what he craves for in a relationship.

Thirdly, I think this chapter showed that HT knows when to back off (ch. 333):

As I have said many times before, the seeming power imbalance in Tianshan is usually what comes across at first glance. But when you take a deeper look, I think MGS holds quite a lot of power and control in their relationship. HT pushes and bullies him for sure, but he would never want to knowingly hurt MGS or traumatize him.

For example, in that situation, I would have found it out of character if HT had French kissed MGS instead of the little “chus”. MGS wouldn’t have been ready for something like that, and it would have crossed lines in a bad way similar to when HT kissed him for the first time. That’s not how HT wants it with MGS because it would go against everything he’s trying to achieve in life. He’s not going to break the trust he has gained and hurt MGS the same way people like him have always done.

I also agree that if MGS had been against HT getting physical in the same way as when HT kissed him for the first time, he would have reacted in a similar way. He would have had a much stronger reaction. I do think MGS was still uncomfortable in that situation but...I think the vibe was vastly different. He wasn’t resisting with all his might. To me, it looked like MGS was bothered but also trusted HT. He was trusting that HT wouldn’t hurt him and knew where the line “truly” went for him.

Don’t get me wrong, I fully understand if “know when to back off” sounds problematic to some. That grey area isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. And I’m not telling anyone to feel differently about it if it goes against their heart. It’s just that I see that delicate balance being an essential part of the Tianshan dynamics both now and in the future.

On top of all that, I think there is also the cultural context to be taken into consideration. 19 Days is a work of the “boys love” genre and part of the conventions and tropes that come with that. I think Tianshan dynamics is a good example of the trope of a pushy, devilish “seme” who wants to bully and fluster his tsundere “uke”. Now, before anyone comes at me, that’s just how I see it based on the hundreds of works of BL (Japanese, Korean, and Chinese titles) that I have read. I think 19 Days is one of the very few BLs that has a lot of Western fans as well who aren’t perhaps that familiar with BL or comfortable with it. And sometimes those two different literal cultures clash. And there’s nothing wrong with that, but I would say this chapter was one of those times. (I realize I’m making big generalizations here. This is just my gut feeling.)

To summarize, I was taken aback by the panels at first but after I got a better understanding of what was really going on, I saw it all differently and that it followed the kind of tone Tianshan and the comic have always had. However, I don’t believe in trying to dictate how people should feel about the chapter. I can see where people who were uncomfortable are coming from.

Thank you for your question, dear anon!

#19 days #tianshan #answered ask

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