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hanasnx · 1 year

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general headcanons.

WC: 0.8k | CHARACTERS: anakin skywalker, reader NOTES: current personal headcanons for anakin that i carry with me through every piece of content i write for him. may misalign with canon content i haven’t read WARNINGS: sexuality details | cursing | mentioned: nudity, media pieces from irl

updated 12.10.22

he wears contacts for battle, but has wire reading glasses he uses alone at home. is no longer ashamed of them as he was when he was a boy, but he has no reason to bring them up in conversation therefore not many people know about them (link to full version)

won’t wear a shirt if he can help it. shirtless when at home, or working out. sleeps naked or in just sweatpants. goes commando. doesn’t like the way clothes feel on his skin especially if the fabric is rough

is capable of cooking, but does not cook or eat for taste. it’s an enjoyable experience to fill his stomach and no longer feel hunger, but the taste of food means nothing to him and eats for nutrition. his meals are bland because he doesn’t care

the only time he is picky when it comes to food is the texture. he’ll not eat something if he disagrees with the texture. things slimy will not enter his mouth. however, he would eat a bug randomly for a “battle pick me up” and say its because theyre “full of protein and nutrients” and he really likes it when it catches people off guard. likes it even more when they’re visibly disgusted

he loves drinks though. at one point he’s introduced to a magenta-colored fruity drink that is not made on any other planet. he’s surprised by how much he likes it, and gets it every time he’s on world.

will not say no to a hot chocolate but it must be prepared a very specific way

his dorm is messy, but he knows where everything is

the genre of music he likes the most and most frequently listens to would be called “90’s alternative and indie rock” in our universe. bands like muse, switchfoot, radiohead, rage against the machine; a little of u2, linkin park, nirvana, deftones, remy zero, vertical horizon. would venture into snow patrol, coldplay. etc.

there’s a song he can’t stop listening to, from a holo-film he can’t stop re-watching called i’m still here from treasure planet. he doesn’t fully understand why. it moved him so deeply he’d have dreams of running through a field and feeling the wind in his hair, using the full extent of his powers in an uninhabited environment to be reminded of what he’s capable of without his life or the lives of others on the line

listens to music when he pilots his squadron on his ship because he feels like it “pumps them up”

heavyweight on the mats, but lightweight when it comes to drinking— is embarrassed of that

he finds himself jealous of people with loving families, but quickly snuffs it out.

loves working out, loves endorphins, loves blowing off steam. makes the room shake when he uses the punching bag. has broken one off the chain with his metal arm when he forgot to pull his punches

uses grown people as weights to bench press as a party trick

sings well but does not sing in front of other people. it’s very gravelly and light as a feather. he doesn’t know how to put power behind his voice, but its pleasurable to listen to if one is lucky enough he hasn’t noticed one in the room

is not a gifted dancer. rhythm does not come easily, nore dance moves. he’s stiff and uncomfortable doing it. and will sit out the entire night during a celebration that features a dance floor and blaring music— however, noble dances with rigid movements and steps he can memorize? considerably better at those

is not the best conversationalist because he lacks a certain class with it. he skips pleasantries and gets straight to the point. direct, blunt, and impatient. lacks a filter.

his sexuality eludes him for the most part, it’s not something he takes a lot of time thinking about. he’s demisexual, so he can only be attracted (sexually or romantically) to someone he knows and has spent time with. anatomy doesn’t matter to him, but he’s more inexperienced with amabs as opposed to afabs. that’s purely coincidental

he’s uncomfortable with emotional conversations and physical touch because he always assumes the other person is uncomfortable with/during it. he struggles with physical attention the most to the point where people avoid touching him because they believe so steadfastly he does not like it. he’s much more reserved when it comes to people that aren’t within his inner circle of companions

as said previously— he has a way of conversation that’s very direct which aids him when he’s inspiring those like his troops and ahsoka. he won’t hide things from them, and he’ll say his honest piece. and he’ll inspire those around him doing it

doesn’t like pets; likes droids bcos “there’s not a mess to clean up”

programmed c-3po to care because he wanted his mom to be cared for and worried about

any vehicle he uses is used until it’s barely holding together. he doesn’t waste, and that includes swapping ships out for a newer shinier one when his latest model can be fixed with a couple new parts and some elbow grease. besides he’s named it, and once he names it, he feels obligated to keep it running til it dies

has a very specific brand of humor and when he finds something funny it’s usually something odd or unusual. his laughter is contagious and sometimes the surrounding circle laughs simply because he’s the one laughing first

acted like a fuckboy when he was a virgin, used it for attention. however he can’t flirt for shit when he’s talking to someone he actually really likes

insomniac. not just because of premonition dreams, those came later. he has a hard time staying asleep

hobbies include: working out, eating a bantha’s share, searching for a cheap thrill like a fix, learning languages, working on ships and droids that require it when he has the time, sparring

x reader hcs. —

he’s gross and he will take your gum from your mouth with a kiss

likes it when you ask him to open things for you or grab something from the top shelf out of your reach

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greypetrel · 6 months

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I see you've been asked several already, so for the Tolkein asks: whichever question you want to answer most, but haven't been asked c:

Hi Mo! :D

Thank you! The temptation to answer all the questions left was there... But I don't want to pester you with basically an essay, so I'll select a few x°D

Edit after writing it: *it's still an essay* Oops.

2. If you were the Middle Earth race that your personality most matches, which would it be?

I'm a Hobbit. Definitely a Hobbit. No love for being on centre stage, will eat six meals per day (listen, snacks are important ok), is very comfortable at home, but resourceful when needed. I miss the love for gardening, my thumb is very black and I have little interest for plants that I can't eat because what's the point. But Bilbo in the book dreaming while camping in the cold of a cozy afternoon spent reading with the kettle on the fire speaks to my soul.

10. Favorite performance by any actor in the Tolkien film projects? Bonus: What's your favorite scene with them?

Bernard Hill as Theoden always gets me. He's just the right level of intensity, melancholy and grieving because he's old and feels like he hasn't accomplished anything. The tenderness and the respect he has for Eowyn as his beloved niece AND a wise woman he can be happy leaving his kingdom to (Eomer goes with him to a potentially suicidal mission. He's saying, to me, that his heir is HER, not him). And his speeches are all-!!! The Pelennor Field's one always have me shivering. The words are nice, sure, but his acting was just great. All of the Rohan part is just peak casting and great. Miranda Otto did a stunning job, her singing the mourning song haunts me. And THAT SCENE where Karl Urban just screams himself raw when he finds apparently dead Eowyn. I still don't know why exactly it was cut from the cinematic version, it was a pity.

Andy Serkis. I am appalled that he doesn't appear in more movies because honestly find me any other person who would have delivered a Gollum in the same way. (and please Hollywood cast him in more diverse roles, make me see his face, he's GOOD, give him a chance)

Since no one named him: Sean Astin as Sam. REALLY. The way he can go from grumpy and pouty to bright and happy seeing Frodo and absolutely EPIC. He's a whole journey by himself. Favourite scene: I can tell you the PO-TAY-TOES scene by heart, mimicking Gollum as well. But his speech at the end of Two Towers.

And also. Not a favourite because it's down for lines that are not so good, but... I know it's highly unpopular, but I really liked Morfydd Clark as Galadriel. She's not Cate Blanchett, and she's not supposed to be. That's still Edgy!Galadriel that she plays, she's younger and still hot-headed and please read the book and find out that Galadriel is not an ethereal lady, she's a Noldorin and she can and she WILL kick your ass. Clark does it, she has the right look for it. (her lines could have been better? Yes. I still think she did good with what she had.) (I'm all for edgy and angry, more human-like elves, and thought I know it's flawed, but I liked Rings of Power.)

12. Tolkien's work contains a lot of interesting themes: devastation of war, things lost that cannot be restored, rebirth/renewal, holding true to one's companions even when it is darkest, and others. Which is the most important to you?

I'll try to be brief here, I could fill a dissertation over this.

But mainly:

“It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going, because they were holding on to something. That there is some good in this world, and it's worth fighting for."

This.

The fact that no matter how dark it is outside, there's the promise of light and joy at the end of the tunnel. Hope in spite of everything.

And the fact that it doesn't matter where you come from, it doesn't matter who your ancestors were, how tall are you, how much your people has been involved in a situation before. You are valuable, your help is not in vain, there's some good you can do. See: Pippin's arc. Going from fool of a Took, basically a baby thrown in a world so much greater than him... And standing up to the situation, in the end, just because he wants to help, even if he's scared. His taking the Palantir and talking to Sauron, in the end, is one of the biggest assists given to Frodo... and he's the member of the Fellowship that had the least reasons to be there, the least experience and knowledge to help the mission. In the end, he's just as useful as everyone else.

#ask game #tolkien twenty questions #petrel replies #... Tolkien has been my hyperfixation since I first saw the first movie at 9 #in case it wasn't plenty clear #(on “Badass Noldorin Galadriel”: I know Cate Blanchett does it in the Hobbit movie.)#(But I really really didn't like those movies and I don't want to be unpleasant on the subject.)#(I'm glad if you -reader- enjoyed them! I envy that you did!)#(unfortunately for me it wasn't so and to preserve your love I won't engage in any The Hobbit trilogy discourse)

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sailorblossoms · 2 years

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The Same Old Story – list of media mentioned

When I wrote this, I incorporated lines from films in the story. I didn’t want to mention the name of the film if it didn’t feel natural for the character to mention it, so here’s a list for anyone who reads it and it’s interested (and also to have a link to include at the end of the fic lol). I’m also adding everything that inspired me in some way (that I remember)

Chapter 1:

As time goes by – It’s the theme song of the romance in Casablanca (1942)

Not ever explicitly referenced, but Laura (1944) inspired me when I was picking the elements: the portrait, a woman in front of her vanity as danger looms, and it’s what got me thinking about clocks. If another movie influenced me here… I don’t remember lol

Chapter 3:

The window idea was inspired in part by a scene reading from Maurice (1987). I’m totally going by memory here, I might be wrong about the details. Skip the italicized quote if you’re planning to watch it and don’t want the ending spoiled!

Steel bars from windows are often used to frame a character who is feeling caged or trapped in some way. (Or wooden bars, I remember Hitchcock using a stair to accomplish this in Shadow of a Doubt.) In the ending, Hugh Grant’s character (who is afraid of being outed/an outcast and married a woman for a better political position iirc) is closing the windows, but then he stops in front of one to contemplate his past romance with the titular character Maurice. He doesn’t close it: he’s wistfully remembering a simpler time (schoolboy days).

The visual language is communicating that he’s doing so from the inside of a cage. In the very last shoot of the film, we see husband and wife, behind bars. The steel bars remain so very visible (the fact that they’re white really makes them pop). Heteronormativity is a prison!

Chapter 4:

The lonely people quote is from A Stolen Life (1946) (not the one from 2018, pretty sure that one doesn’t have Evil Twins. It certainly doesn’t have Bette Davis, which is a point against it)

Chapter 5:

I was thinking of Shadow of a Doubt (1943) when I decided I wanted to have a scene with a car in a garage. However, it ended up not being dangerous and more being about Feelings.

Chapter 6:

I mention it in the chapter: Sullivan’s Travel (1941) There’s this neat little bit of commentary in the film that I used.

The leading lady is never named in the film. When the credits roll, Veronica Lake’s character is simply “The Girl” – says a lot.

Chapter 7:

The title Mad About The Boy is a song about developing feelings for a male film star, written in the 30s by Noël Coward (who was gay) but if I’m not mistaken, most famously performed by Dinah Washington in 1961 (which is the version I listened to the most). A banger, if you ask me.

Chapter 8:

They’re watching The Lady Eve (1941) a movie where Barbara Stanwyck makes a fool out of Henry Fonda’s character for more than an hour and still gets her bag at the end. I wanted to use a Film Noir with her at first but I figured a more overly romantic movie fitted better here.

Chapter 9:

Prisoner of Love (1946) is the name of the song the husband hears. Perry Como’s version.

They’re watching Sweet Smell of Success (1957). Why this movie? Because I wanted to use this: “You’re dead, son. Get yourself buried.” – an absolute banger of a line said by an absolute psychopath of a character says before hanging up. And here I made it horny and gay.

Chapter 10:

I mentioned in the chapter: Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953). The title is part of the iconic Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend. I also mention Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston. "Loving yourself is the greatest love of all” – a message best heard performed live by the voice.

Chapter 12:

They’re watching Leaver Her To Haven (1945). Movie is wild as hell and in technicolor! It also influences most of what happens in the chapter.

Chapter 13:

They’re watching City of the Dead (1960) also known as Horror Hotel.

Chapter 14:

They’re watching The Apartment (1960). A Movie!!! This is Cinema, to me. This is a comedy, and it also just fucks you up. I might or might not have teared up multiple times while watching it.

Chapter 15:

Gaslight (1944) inspired the final scene in the house. It’s part of what inspired the whole fic in the first place, and it was one of the very first scenes I wrote (even though the final version is very different from my first draft). Since I did this first I knew everything that happened in the house would lead to this moment, but i didn’t sweat it. If it works, it works. If it doesn’t, we can still say “the typos and mistakes we find along the way” are The Real horror (I didn’t have a beta and didn’t proofread with fresh eyes!).

And that’s all! (I think)

As a bonus, I wanted to use this quote from All About Eve (1950) (and bring up Bette Davis, an actress whose audiences were drawn to for her portrayal of unlikable women – something I would’ve used with Agatha, a character who can come across as unlikeable, which I think it’s an interesting part of her that both humanizes her and makes her go against trope) but alas, I couldn’t find the space for it. So my intentions shall live here:

“Lloyd, honey, be a playwright with guts. Write me one about a nice, normal woman who just shoots her husband.”

#the same old story #snowbaz fic #fanfic #behind the scenes

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yourlittlesol · 1 year

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Back on my pen at twenty four, twenty-twenty three.

It has almost been three years since I sat down in front of the computer screen to let my fingers bleed of words. The feeling’s thrilling but somehow vexing and taunting. Life’s been a tad buzz with twenty twenty one’s on-the-job-training course while witnessing a miracle-in-working healing of grandpa, heading back home in Tondo after being away for four months of health isolation, twenty twenty two’s completion of thesis and defense, shooting for our film finals, and finally walking down the PICC aisle on my black toga and white lace, on my grip was my diploma that reads “A Graduate of Bachelor of Arts in Communication''. Wait, it gets better. In July of the same year, I joined the Dream Team – a whole year of studying music and bible at church and helping out in production and ministry outreach. It was the most rigorous yet remarkable journey I’ve gone through in life so far, and I think it will always hold a special place in my heart for in it I’ve learned not only the intricacies of music theory, aural theory sight and ear, rhythm, and dance, but also to seek God diligently, communicate and listen well, be keen to details, and how to uphold a better version of myself every trimester, every week, every day with my soul anchored in faith and humility. As I near pass the finish line of my dream team year, I must say it is the pinnacle of my early twenties alongside stepping out of college.

I am a work in progress – we all are. However, looking closely at myself, I do tend to overthink a lot. By a lot, I mean a lot – with my brain working overtime in an overdrive. I guess it’s because I wanted to embody perfection even though it’s impossible. I’m twenty four, wow. I can’t believe I’m twenty four. It’s slowly sinking in as I re-kickstart my adulting journey by updating my CV. I was stuck at twenty, where I already knew I am old and supposed to be contributing to the finances of my family, an ever reliable ate that hands away W.O.W (words of wisdom) to everyone younger, and someone who behaves prim and proper – just like what the society expects in a fully-grown woman. I am not young anymore, technically but my grandparents often say that I’ve still got decades ahead of me to enjoy life without slacking my years away. That said, I’m old enough to make wise and mature decisions that’ll surely affect my latter years, and still young to be a worrywart about everything. Twenties is indeed a rollercoaster of learning – and this is not for the faint of heart. So to my fellow twenties warriors, we got this.

Lastly, maybe this thought process has something to do with age as well but lately, I’ve found myself writing my future someone in my prayer list priorities – alongside career, calling, and dream house. Isn't it a little early for that? Better to be praying for him early than late and settle for less, right? I wonder how God reacts everytime I mention to him my “him list”, does he find it funny? The “him list” is not in any way demanding, just a couple of specified bullet points of what I want him to have, parted with negotiables and non-negotiables – e.g for negotiables; it will be great if he’s three years older than me (he doesn’t have to be exactly three years, it’s just my preference but younger? Uhmm, wouldn’t it be weird though? I think it’s weird); Someone who takes good pictures (for memories), and someone who loves to read and write because it’ll be great to be with someone I can mentally grow as well. For the non-negotiables, he should be a man who is gentle, kind, serves God in the ministry, and a man who cooks well because I eat a lot.

Wherever that future someone is, I am always praying he’s healthy and safe. As much as I expect him to be a number of things, I also have my me list so that I can truly be a helper suitable for him. I am praying for a great husband, so why wouldn’t I be a great wife for him? Whether we’ve already crossed paths or we’re still about to, I believe that our foundation should be God – because He loved us so that we can love the people around us, eventually, each other, best. So, no pressure for us. We’ll get to know each other in God’s perfect time.

To wrap up this life catch-up, I’m grateful that no matter how life keeps on throwing me lemons, God always provides for me a blender to make lemonades. I am flawed but not lost. My feet stands on level ground for His counsel gives me a straight-path direction despite the many turns I see. To speak life, to produce quality works, my soul should always stand close to the God who perfects me.

It’s great to write again.

🌻Sol

#writing #creative writing #prose

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doritosandavocados · 2 years

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Okay y'all the fabulous @discomagicwitch actually DMed me a bunch of DWD deets like an absolute saint, so it's time to keep my end of the bargain. Here is an updated 2022 version of "yo Hollywood please stop casting Harry Styles" (no that is not the real original title sadly)

A few things worth noting:

1- I went back and realized I wrote the headline and the blurb for the original article, but an ex co-worker actually wrote the article itself so this is actually my first stab at the topic.

2- I am not a Harry Styles stan - I don't hate the man - I find him rather intriguing and very hot, but I really haven't ever listened to his music much, nor was I a One Direction fangirl. So, overall I'm wildly ambivalent about him.

3- While I was, in fact, a professional entertainment news writer... I am not anymore. Which means I barely re-read this and I did minimal fact-checking or sourcing because that's the true spirit of Tumblr. Anyway, without further ado: Hollywood please stop casting Harry Styles, 2022 edition

Harry Styles is best known for being a boybander gone solo and (true to his last name) a fashion icon. However, over the past few years Styles has begun venturing into the world of acting.

Styles, however, did not start small and work his way up. He had the shocking luck to work with Christopher Nolan on his acting debut. Nolan, who (at least at the time) was an untouchable and unreproachable writer & director. (While Nolan has finally experienced what a flop is, his track record is still absolutely stunning - but I digress.) Styles was, somehow, plucked from the music industry and plopped into the highly acclaimed Dunkirk. Nolan is known for being highly choosy about who he casts and is most certainly in filmmaking for the art above all else. So, the choice had most everyone's curiosity piqued.

So, how did Harry Styles, pop star extraordinaire, get added to the cast of Dunkirk, alongside the likes of Kenneth Barnagh, Cillian Murphy, and Tom Hardy? Honestly, I still haven't the faintest idea. Did somebody lose a bet? Was there blackmail? Was Styles so desperate for a chance at the big screen he bought out Nolan's artistic integrity? We'll never know.

What we do know is that his role was relatively small and had minimal speaking lines. He was there just enough to bring in an audience of young women (his core demographic) that otherwise might not have been interested in Yet Another WWII Movie.

Considering he'd peaked pretty early - starting at the top of the mountain, as far as most actors would be concerned - it was hard to imagine Styles continuing his unexpected career detour. Most actors would offer up a kidney in order to work on a Christopher Nolan movie, so maybe Styles just packs it up, calls it a day, and says "thanks for the fun, but I'm going to go back to my life of being screamed at by a couple thousand fans every night while I sing about fruit."

To most people's surprise that is very much not what he did. Sure, he made more music and went on more tours, but suddenly he was being cast in more movies.

Why? For what reason? For the butts in seats? We know Hollywood is rabid to cast well-known faces to draw in crowds - quality of story or other movie aspects be damned. They'd rather overpay a recognizable face than *gasp* cast a nobody and put the budget in say... literally anything else. Costumes? Practical effects? Soundtrack?

So, here we are in 2022. Harry Styles has not one, but TWO movies coming out in the near future where we're going to really find out what kind of acting skills he harbors within. First up is Don't Worry Darling, which is again a star-studded cast. This means that if he falls even a little bit flat in his performance it's going to stand out like a hog at a dog show.

Frankly, I'm not holding out a whole lot of hope considering he can't even hold an intelligent, nay, coherent conversation regarding the concept of film. We've all seen it, the video where Harry is asked why he likes Don't Worry Darling and replies, I like the movie because it's a movie. Well hot damn, I never would've guessed that! Guess I have to see this groundbreaking film now!

Oh Harry, it's a good thing you're pretty. Poor Chris Pine, who is forced to sit beside Styles, seems to be helplessly deciding between looking like he is completely unengaged or interrupting the inane ramblings of his younger co-star. Like a true gentleman, Pine sticks with the former option.

If an actor can't even talk about the filmmaking process or even just... film in general, that seems like a hell of a red flag. Even the interviewer has to try not to laugh in that video.

Could I be pleasantly surprised by Harry Styles' performance when I inevitably sit down to see DWD in theaters? Sure! I'd be happy to be wrong, but I'm really not expecting to be.

I know why producers will continue to give the green light to putting Styles in movies. It's always about the butts in seats with them. What I don't know is why Styles decided to take on this foray into acting in the first place. I don't know what he gets out of it. He has a stunning music career. He gets praise and adoration from his countless fans. He has a career some people would kill for.

There's probably an interview floating around where he says something about "ooh it sounded fun", but like... that's what sixth graders say about their school musical. Not what a professional should be saying about BEING IN A CHRISTOPHER NOLAN MOVIE.

Of course, we've moved on from there. We now await Don't Worry Darling and My Policeman where Styles has far more substantial roles with actual lines. One would think that surely he must have some potential to be put into these films by casting directors - especially since these are films that are vying for Oscar nominations. But let us all remember that Hollywood is about money first and art second... oh and a lot of lust. Let's not forget that Olivia Wilde is (or was? - okay that's just speculation) dating Harry Styles.

In the end Styles being in Don't Worry Darling has generated far more press than if someone else (even Shia LaBeouf) were in the same role. The social media chatter, the strange & unhinged theories, gossip, and speculation about drama have created more free press than a movie producer would dare to hope for.

I mean really, we all know Harry Styles didn't spit on Chris Pine in public. Though, I'm willing to entertain theories on what wildly rude or idiotic things he may have said to elicit that reaction out of Pine.

In the end, Hollywood will always be filled with things like nepotism, favoritism, et cetera, et cetera. And that means we can beg the powers that be to stop putting Harry Styles in movies, but at the end of the day they will just cackle and stick him into a Netflix Christmas rom-com next. (Fuck they're going to do that aren't they?)

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ramblings-of-a-mad-cat · 28 days

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right now my absolute favorite musical is wicked, coinciding with my perpetual oz interest (I hope I used that word correctly). I used to listen to Dear Evan Hansen quite a lot but haven’t listened to it in a while. Except for “a part of me”, one of the cut songs.

can I ask why it’s your favorite?

Wicked and Oz in general are awesome. I read through the books semi-recently (as well as re-watching Return to Oz) and it always amazes me to remember just how different in tone the 1939 film is. It's truly a world of it's own, with a different feel an overall mood - Dorothy is obviously far different. Our stage adaptation is primarily based on the 1939 movie so my analysis is based on that, but I'd practically call it an Oz AU with all of the liberties it takes. Mostly with Dorothy. She is largely a pawn in games played by the Witches and Wizard of Oz. A game that ultimately, Glinda won. (My feelings about the 1939 version of Glinda are very similar to my feelings about Dumbledore for similar reasons.)

But Wicked is different. Wicked is a commentary on...on, so many things, but I think a major one is complacency. (It's similar to why I love Borrasca actually.) The idea that there can be something rotten in the state of Denmark, something bad happening in Oz, and people will look the other way. It's painfully realistic. Galinda's whole character arc is intertwined with this. Because it's like Elphaba says. She'll grovel in submission to the corrupt institution if it means advancing her own position and career. But in her heart, she knows better. I love the repeated use of the words "good" and "wicked" blatantly deconstructing them and proving that things aren't black and white. That good and evil are just...words that we say. And their weight depends on who is saying them and about what.

The only thing I don't care for when it comes to Wicked is that...well, it kind of succumbs to what I call "Prequel-itus." As a prequel to Wizard of Oz (well, it technically is both a prequel and a retelling since it goes past the end of the original but I digress) Wicked feels the need to give everything and everything a backstory. Fiyero...didn't need to be the Scarecrow. Fair enough to that one, since it was clearly planned and a major part of the story (though it casts a shadow over his bond with Dorothy in all honesty) but Boq as the Tin Man? Give me a break. That asshole is nothing like The Tin Man, who was sweet and sensitive and, oh yeah, already had a backstory. Not to mention the hastily thrown in line about the Lion being the cub from Act 1? Come on now.

As for Dear Evan Hansen.

I just. I really love human dramas. (Again, Borrasca. I can't recommend it enough, except, every trigger warning you can imagine applies to it.) Dear Evan Hansen is such a magnificent story about realistic people going through emotional issues. It's a story that isn't guided by plot, but by characters reacting based on their feelings and desires. The inciting incident is Connor's suicide and the misunderstanding with Evan's note, but after that, the entire plot could be resolved if the characters (mainly Evan) just made different choices. Better ones, smarter ones. But it's not a plot hole, either. It's characterization. You can see the exact moment when Evan falls in love with the lie. "And I see him come to get me. He's....come to get me. And everything's....okay." I've seen a slime tutorial of this show and based on the performance, that is the moment that Evan went from awkwardly trying to comfort a grieving family....to telling himself a better story, about his own life. One where he had a best friend, and wasn't having suicidal thoughts.

And that's one of the major themes of Dear Evan Hansen. Rewriting history when there's no one to contradict you, and living in the new reality you've created from that story, because there's nothing to stop you except yourself. It crops up all over the place, not just in the #BigLie, but Evan also initially lies to Larry about the situation with his father. This idea is echoed in Sincerely, Me as well. "All that it takes is a little reinvention." and "Just believe you can be who you wanna be." It comes up again in Words Fail which is...the most fucking raw and emotional that a musical has ever gotten, for me anyway. I sob when I listen to that song, especially at the crescendo when it reprises Waving Through a Window. Evan talking about no one seeing the real him, because he fears "Will they hate it too?" Just broke me. Because...honestly? I relate to it. And I think a lot of people can. "Will I just keep on running away from what's true?" Like. Oof.

Everyone in this show is miserable, in different ways, and they manifest it in different ways that are typically unhealthy. Though I think my favorite character is Heidi. I don't know if she's considered problematic in the musical fandom, but I will pick up my foam finger and defend her to the last. She was doing everything she could. Evan's anger at her for being absent is understandable, but it wasn't out of negligence. She was working multiple jobs to keep a roof over their heads. She didn't always handle situations the best, like the dinner with the Murphys...but she was blindsided over and over that night, so, fair enough. She isn't very knowledgeable about her son's mental health issues, but it's not for lack of trying. She's doing her best, and also, Evan isn't telling her anything. He's not sharing with her. He's lying to her, on top of lying to everyone else.

The situation needed to end. Because it was unhealthy. Even if Connor and Evan's friendship had been real, it was reaching unhealthy levels. They gave Evan Connor's clothes. They gave him Connor's college fund. Given how he was sleeping over at the Murphy's house all the time, and I don't see them making him take the couch (or allowing him to crash with Zoey) he was probably sleeping in Connor's room. Like, it was reaching creepy levels even if you ignore that it was all based on a lie. And when they find out...yeah, they don't forgive him. Why would they? It would be way too good to be true, Evan would be getting off far too easy, if they just forgave him. They didn't expose him to the world and that is charitable on their parts. Evan had to lose the life he'd gained and return to reality. I like that even though Zoey ultimately forgives him, they don't get back together. Realistically, there's no way they would.

God this story just rips me to shreds. I feel bad for everyone involved, but they're also culpable for their own choices. Like...Alana is another example. We're meant to sympathize with her (and Jared) by the end. Sure, she's a little annoying, but she means well, and her dedication to the Connor Project is sincere. That said...she really doesn't know what she's talking about, claiming the emails "don't make sense" because Connor seemed to be doing better before he died. That's...shockingly naive. Also, the fact that she posted Connor's suicide note (as far as she knew) online without permission. She didn't ask his family if that was okay. She did it explicitly against the wishes of his best friend who the letter was written for. That's fucked up.

I could write similar analysis of Jared, Connor's parents, Zoey...but I can already tell this one is gonna be a long runner so I'll cap it here.

#Wicked #Wizard of Oz #Dorothy Gale #Glinda The Good #Dear Evan Hansen #The Tin Man #Evan Hansen #Alana Beck #Heidi Hansen #Connor Murphy

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benefits1986 · 5 months

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Revisiting Old Pages, Visiting New Pages

I thought I'd be able to sleep early tonight, but, here's to saying hello again to the stories waiting and wanting to unfold so badly.

In line with my long leave that officially started today, I'm revisiting a good number of things. I was about to doze off because today has been a really long one; however, I curiously opened the script for film class back in Diliman. I actually know the top-line but, I've placed in the back burner for quite some time. I was surprised to see 56 pages, off the bat. The scroll was deep and this time around, it does not feel intrusive anymore. I was actually laughing out loud in real life as I read this content piece. Damn. So much time has passed, yet a good number of things remained the same, only this time around, it's more graphic.

I joked about giving Vivamax a try, but, I don't think this will make it there unless I redo 50% of it. Meron namang mga scenes na medyo alam na this, but, I won't redo it. Sabi nga ni Ricky Lee, 'yung una mong tapos na script, draft lang 'yan. Sulatin mo lang siya and allow the katas of people you collaborate with to let their katas collide and connive with yours. Sinabi niya ito when he recounted Himala with no less than Ishma as in Ishmael Bernal hey days nila.

Since this is my first script, upon GMG-ing, a full length film has approximately 90 to 180 pages depending on the hours you'd like your theoretical viewers to waste. Damn. I chanced upon this in film class, but, syempre, kahit listening ako, parang kinalimutan ko na 'to habang sinusulat ko 'yung script. Funny how I remember the pain that Pages caused me. Hassle gumamit ng template na 'to pero, sige, tinawid natin noon at itutuloy natin ang pagtatawid sa wakas, ngayon, maiba naman.

In fairness naman, since mas confident na ako ngayon kesa sa mga really bad self-judgements ko noon, may laban pa rin 'tong tina-try kong ipaglaban. 'Di siya pabebe masyado. 'Di siya perfect. 'Di siya optimal mala A World of Married, pero I am allowing myself to let my ink bleed out until I run out of words to say. Before, I find this script triggering to the point that I would try to stop myself from typing away. Now, I can laugh at myself na with feelings. LOL. I'm finally able to find bits of glimmers as I revisit these old pages.

I think and feel and know that this had to wait in the back burner because sharing this first ever script to the world then felt like a shit show, an apology, an atonement. More than what's inside these old pages are my heartbreaks. These heartbreaks that threw me in spirals about why the hell I wasted so much time in being in marketing then jumping to digital marketing. Hala siya o. Here we go! I hated marketing so much to the point that I tried my best to love it to the core. I felt that following mother dragon's dreams for me would enable me to stomach each waking hour I spent not going after my ultimate dream --to write, write, write. Edit. Edit. Edit. Finish. Repeat. It even came to a point where I purposefully aced all marketing fundamentals to see if grades would make me feel alive. With every A or A- I get, I felt more and more disjointed with my true path. Mom commended me a whole lot as she mocked me. Akala ko ba ayaw mo ng marketing? Talaga ha? Me: E nag Dean's List nga ako ng 1 sem sa nursing, ma 'di ba? Ayoko rin nun. Grades are but numbers. Andyan na 'yan e, so eto na rin ako, 'di ba? Happy ka na naman? This is her version of me as a suwail na anak. LOL.

At this point in time, let me refocus my prime lens and even my kit lens and bazooka lens, too. Shemay. I will allow myself to go here now. Shemay talaga. Ugh.

During my meet up IRL with Ricky Lee and friends in his humble home for the first time ever, I can sense mother dragon's lurking in the corner. This time around, I think we're aligned, finally. Or baka delulu lang ako as a mommy's girl. How so? Eto na. 'Di ako prepared for this early morning's pasavogue ng feelings pero, need ko na 'tong i-name, i-define.

One of the things that stood out in the group was that creative writing is a muscle that people train a lot. I didn't expect to hear stories that reek of things like: I love what I do as a writer, however, it pays the bills, somehow. The group has a roster of award-winning people who I'm yet to get to know, but, I feel like while I'm a saling kitkit, we all have our own luggages and excess baggage, too.

I am so amazed at how unfiltered stories flew that night. Para akong nasa retreat ng mga writers na fighting the pivot of the new media aka, wait for it, digital media. We were asked to introduce ourselves and shemay, odd ball na naman ako. I said somewhat like: Hello, first time ko po dito. Hindi po ako taga-dito as a Southie, but consumerist pong paglikha ang daily grind ko sa app and website po namin. Pero, Sir Ricky, I try na bitbitin ang bubog, ang silya at ang kahon sa munting paraang alam ko. 'Di siya about lang consumerism pero more of tiny stories in tiny screens and paano ba matatawid ito sa audience namin. Gets ba? LOL.

Another thing that stood out not only from this meet up, but even back in film class is that writing is nothing without a pitch that has a decent batting average. DAMN. I've seen stories unfold and madalas, nasasabi na 'di enough ang writer ka sa mundong ito. Dapat alam mo kung paano mo ipi-pitch at panghahawakan ang laban para mabuo ang kwento mo. Alam mo rin dapat how to negotiate kasi 'yung sulat mo na 'yan, hindi na iyo 'yan 'pag binayaran na man hours mo diyan. Dapat mong tanggapin or gumapang ka sa lusak lalo na 'pag walang rating or 'di vibe ng mga collaborators mo 'yung final files mo.

Film in the light of old and new media are bound by... tenennnnn, marketing. HUY. LUH. Ang aga-aga na naman, ma. Oo na kasi. Ikaw na naman. This is what I've been trying to run away from... mother dragon made me go through the fire and through the test of time to prep me for the real fuckin' ball game. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Ang hassle talaga neto, pero okay lang naman sa akin matalo sa debate kahit sa kabilang ibayo at kabilang buhay pa.

On the way home, I felt she was with me in the car, too. As I looked in the EDSA traffic somewhere in Evangelista paakyat ng flyover pa-Par area, I had to snap a video to immortalize her unspoken words and my response to it. It said something like: Marahil, ang mga lansangan ay mga libingan ng mga kwentong 'di nagtagpo, 'di pa nagtatagpo at 'di na muling magtatagpo pa.

I want to write more but, the silence, the pause, the slow motion in my seat that time was too preciously piercing my core. Let me push these story line a bit more. Marahil, kaya paulit-ulit tayong dumaraan sa mga lansangan ay dahil kahit alam nating ang mga libingang ito ay nakakasira ng bait at ng kaibutra'y,

Mga lansangan din ito ng bagong simula, ng bagong kwento, ng bagong pasilyong patungo sa kung ano mang gusto nating maabot at matagpuan.

Ang mga langsangang nagsilbing libingan ay libangan ng mga kaluluwa at mga katawang lupang naghahanap ng kanlungan.

Marahil, magtatagpong muli ang bago, ang luma, ang mga nawala, at mga nagsisimula't nagpapatuloy sa kanilang paglalakbay.

Marahil, dito muling magiging isa kahit ilang saglit man lang ang mga pangarap na maaring naghihintay na matupad at makamit sa pangalawa o pangatlong pagkakataong 'di inasahan o tinayaan nino man.

I will end it here, for now. I think I'm finally on my way to finding peace from within.

I've been thinking about 2023 YE and 2024 YO. And you know what? FUCK IT. FUCK IT HARD. I'm giving Manila life, RTO life, BGC life and my current Manila house 3 more years. LUH. Hahaha. I'd be 40 by then. I'd most likely get my full grey hair na walang halong daya ng hair color na well-planned. Batulao will be my weekend or kinda weekday home, my sanctuary, my Plan B, just in case. No more ALS or UPDi LS dreams, also. Periodtzzz. Done. Deal. Fuck off. LOL. Syempre, intense pag-type ko nung last paragraph kasi ugh. I planned my uprooting era in Manila na talaga. As in. Pero, nadale yata tayo ng Holy Spirit or kung ano mang espirtwal na lakas meron sa universe.

As I was with planted in Pandora, Ricky Lee and friends edition, I am more than grateful, humbled and whacked so badly on the head, heart and spirit. My current spot is where I needed to be, and I guess, where I actually choose to be in. Digital content and marketing + pitching come as one. And what's more curious is the gap that I can hopefully fill: Digital Story/Content Optimization in the light of curation. SHEMAY. Pahiya na naman ako sa nanay kong dragon na, tigre pa nito.

Actually, I know this for a long time, but this morning, wala na e. Eto na tayo sa exciting at death-defying part. Habang nagshe-share 'yung group, gusto ko na lang talaga sabihin na, puwede ko po kayong help i-optimize, pitch and market mga sure na sure akong awesome and workable pieces n'yo. Subukan lang po natin, together. Kahit free po 'yung unang sabak natin, game.

Syempre, ayoko muna to go there. LOL. Tatapos muna ako ng at least isang script, dadaan sa kumunoy, sa lusak, sa purgatoryo, because I want to earn this stripe the right way, the long way, without the highway.

Actually, I feel so light-headed aotm. Lagay ko na rin dito kasi 'di madali at medyo nakarami tayo ng ganaps today hanggang gabi. I also am in the spot in Manila tiny house where mom's bed was placed. As in where her head is when she lied down to sleep or to pass time. NKKLK. But this time around, mother dragon, aligned na us. Thank you for pushing me too hard to the point of no return and full surrender. Ikaw na magaling. Hahahaha. CHOZ.

I'm missing you a little extra today just because I could have hugged you more IRL noon. I could have made more lambing kahit RBF ka saka sungit mo ng malala. LOL. I could have said ILY like the 90's out loud kahit alam ko, wala ka namang matinong reply. I could have told you that I am gonna be not okay when you pass on. I could have told you how much I love you, but I'd have to let you go with grace and grit.

While I can no longer see you and tell you this face to face, may this time around be a chance for me to allow myself to say these to people who matter to me and who make me feel I actually matter kahit baliw levels ko 10000000, takas levels ko 10000000, too. It's definitely gonna a really, really bloody fight, but for the greater good, may I choose more wisely. May I choose to pray and slay, too. 'Yung totoo na. 'Yung wala ng biro. 'Yung seryoso na. Abangan.

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lserver362reviews · 1 year

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While I haven't seen all of the Disney "live-action" remakes I'm going to say I think this is the best one and should not disappoint any fan of The Little Mermaid (1989). As soon as the title came on screen I got chills just from reflecting what the original means to me over the previous days leading up to seeing this and seeing this fresh take with real people. Not shortly after that I was missing Avatar 2 and realized just how good that CGI is. The CGI throughout was solid enough but there were definitely some weird places (Eric swinging on a mast rope, the explosions in the grotto). Then I saw Javier Bardem and was absolutely shocked as I did not know he was in this, and boy did I laugh, and I didn't stop laughing whenever he was on screen. Why is he in this? He looked so silly in the end with the blankest of expressions and the wettest of hair. Funniest part of the film for me, hands down. The pacing overall was real slow but in a way where the cinematography was also too chaotic 80% of the time. I just wanted to be able to take more in in each scene. I loved the island kingdom (Barbados?) and the day in the market was of course still my favorite part. I did really like the new music there but was a little wistful for that original theme to come in in some way (www.youtube.com/watch?v=TGgDjmv5X08&list=OLAK5uy_kdasrLkkCnSUzHNU0EL3Jub5WyEMdnkYY&index=16). Kiss the Girl was a highlight and particularly well adapted to this version. Throughout this, Eric really grew on me, and I liked how we got his wants and back story. His study really made me think of the library from Beauty and the Beast. Halle Bailey as Ariel was a really really good choice but in places she felt a little too green, in some ways that worked well for Ariel's naivety and wide-eyed wonder, but other times it just felt like a subdued performance and then caused really contrasting dynamics (and I do mean that in regards to her acting as well was the singing itself). I have my qualms about losing a bit of the showtune broadway sound I'm accustomed to because she doesn't have that background, but I recognize that this is completely a me problem. I hope her versions mean to kids what Jodi Benson's meant to me and that they wear out whatever version of a cassette tape they have now, like I did listening to the soundtrack. I don't think as a kid I would've been able to relate to a voice that technical and doing those runs! (BUT maybe it's not about me, and insert the Broadway-so-white discourse here) BUT as soon as Halle said, "C'mon, Flounder, don't be such a guppy," she had me and once again, I had chills. She was a really good Ariel. I just wish this hadn't been her debut starring role (excited to see what she does next!). I really liked the costume choices (those tails, Eric's hat, all the dresses, the hair) although I wish they had recreated the date day dress from the animated film. The added songs were mostly poorly written, except For the First Time. That was a really nice addition. I wish we got a bit more of the relationship between Ariel and her dad, but I liked the relation of Ursula to Triton. Once again I ask, how does he have so many kids? and does this make Flotsam and Jetsam Ariel's cousins? I thought Melissa McCarthy did a great job and I don't know if I should've been so surprised really. I wish they had gotten a better makeup designer, read a drag queen, because I'm just left to wonder if they purposely made her eyebrows all janked up in order for her to be less beautiful? But she did what need to be done and it wasn't her fault for the dialogue and lines that got taken out (i.e. weirdly sanitized). I was very surprised that they kept the final battle scene fairly beat for beat to the original (scary!). I thought Disney didn't kill their villains anymore! I do wish that we understood what the heck was going on in her soul garden in this one a bit more, and why was she fighting with her own tentacles? (I'm asking dumb questions now-remember: kids movie). The fantastical sea creatures and the regular sea creatures were very muddled in general to me. Also getting rid of ALL the ensemble moments was unforgivable. Under the Sea is for an ensemble!!!! I did like the visuals in that sequence though. But in the wise words of Patti Labelle during the 1996 National Tree Lighting, "Where my background singers???" Some of the shots that recreated moments from the original, like the hair flip out of the water against the sun or the big moment on the rock, just hit at me as strange. I'll try to unpack what I mean by that at some point. The enduring legacy of Howard Ashman and Alan Menken really make this movie a hard one to mess up (although Lin must be stopped) and I found it a little bittersweet that Howard's dedication was almost hidden, way down, under all the credits (Please watch Howard on Disney+). Out of curiosity I did compare (I know, I know, I should stop right there) Part of Your World (OG: www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXKlJuO07eM and New: www.youtube.com/watch?v=kf7Dss2gCe0 ) and I think it speaks for the whole movie itself, in that, this new version is so much slower. The original movie clips along and I really missed the original songs per minute ratio during my watch of this. I think that kind of messed with the whole tone of the movie. I don't think it settled on a tone where there's a balance of being a musical and telling a story outside the music. I like the story changes here but I wonder if it's a problem of gravitas. For (the biggest) example: the Hans Christian Andersen quote at the beginning-really, I get that it's the original original source material, but this run time is too long to try to infuse some sort of it's about the story not the music, when really the story is in the music! Give me more music and get to it faster! At the end of the day it's a story about wanting more, not just adventure per se, but to belong in the space that is full of wonder, curiosity, and love for this experience that we are gifted only once. The folks at the Austin Danger Podcast did a lovely and very eloquent review that lines up with a lot of my experience watching this film (at a 6:30 PM showing with my best friend that I met on the bus to Kindergarten, with children reacting all around us): podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-little-mermaid-2023/id1605702441?i=1000616640386

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sundaysundaes · 3 years

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Whispers

Lee Donghyuck/Haechan X Reader | Smut, Fluff | 5k | Idol AU

Summary: Donghyuck has been busy promoting his new album and no matter how much he misses you, he can’t see you in person due to his schedules. Desperate for your touch, he begins to call you late at night.

Warnings: Phone sex, masturbation (male and female), dirty talk (but is it still called ‘dirty talk’ if Donghyuck is just being honest and saying whatever that comes to his mind?), no plot with a lot of dialogues

The vibration of your iPhone wakes you up from your dream. Being thrown back so suddenly to reality makes you feel slightly lightheaded but it’s all worth it the second you see his name written on your screen. Rubbing your eyes away from sleep, you answer his call, “Hyuck?”

“Hey, Noona.” The airiness of his honeyed voice sounds familiar and pleasant in your ears that it instantly paints a smile on your face. “Did I wake you?”

You refrain yourself from yawning. “Yeah, I fell asleep reading.” Narrowing your eyes irritatedly at the brightness of the fluorescent light hanging on your ceiling, you decide to switch it off and uses the dim glow of the bedside lamp instead.

“What time is it?” He gasps when he notices the time on his screen. “Three AM?! Shit, I didn’t realize it was this late. Sorry.”

“It’s fine, I shouldn’t be sleeping anyway. I still have to work on my papers, so it’s actually good that you woke me up.” You nuzzle close to the pillow, holding your phone to your ear with one hand, blinking sleepily. “Did you just get back from schedule?”

“Yeah.” He sighs wearily. “I’m dead tired right now. I wish I could just take a day off, you know? I mean, performing is fun, but promoting a new album can be so hectic. I’ve only been sleeping for, like, two hours per day since last week.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” You bring the teddy bear he’d given you on your birthday close to your chest, pretending like you were embracing him. “I wish you could take some days off, too.”

“Yeah?” Somehow, he sounds like he’s smiling. “Then do what?”

“I don’t know, play games, I guess? Or just lie around in bed, doing nothing.”

“I’d rather be doing something, actually.” He chuckles softly, a hint of teasing in his voice. “Or someone.”

“Gross,” you retort but you can feel your lips curving upwards. “It’s okay if you want to rest, Hyuck. You don’t have to force yourself to call me every day. Your health should be your number one priority.”

“What, you don’t want me to call you?”

You freeze. “Of course I want you to call me. I just—”

“I thought you’d be excited to hear my voice.”

The sudden bitterness in his tone makes you sit up from the bed, eyebrows adjoined in confusion. “What—Hyuck—”

“You know what?” He exhales loudly. “You’re right, I shouldn’t have called. It’s late anyway.“

“Can you please just listen—”

“I’m tired. Let’s just talk tomorrow.”

“But—”

“I’m hanging up.”

“Hyuck—” But you’re only answered by silence when the line gets disconnected. You stare at your phone, eyes wide in disbelief.

What the hell just happened?

Upset and vexed, you dial his number. You wait with your jaw clenched until he picks up on the fourth ring. “Can’t you listen to me for one second?!” Not sure if it’s because of the drowsiness or exhaustion, but you find yourself shouting even before he says anything. “Of course, I want you to call me, you idiot! It’s the only thing I’ve been waiting all day. Every day, Hyuck, I wait for your call every day. I keep catching myself checking on my phone every ten minutes, waiting for your texts, wanting to call you. I miss you, of course, I miss you—you’re—” You turn stiff when you hear him cackling from the other side of the phone. “Are you laughing?”

“I’m sorry.” His laughter is contagious but you put up your best effort not to get infected. “You’re so cute when you get all riled up. Isn’t it obvious that I was just joking?”

“Right. I’m hanging up.”

“Wait, Noona—” You listen to him with your eyes throwing ice daggers to the wall. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again, I promise.” There’s a small pause where you’re too irritated to talk and he’s too unsure to start but he tries. “So, like… you miss me?”

“Not right now.”

“Aaw, come on, I was just messing around.” You can imagine him puckering his lips, batting his eyelashes for forgiveness. “Please, tell me. Tell me how much you miss me.”

You throw yourself back to the bed, huffing. “I don’t think I want to.”

“You get cuter when you’re angry, you know that?” He sighs to the air. “Aaah… I miss you. I miss you so much, Noona, you don’t even know. Probably more than you miss me.”

I don’t think that’s possible. “Of course,” you reply, holding back a smile from breaking on your face. “Since I only miss you a little bit.”

“A little bit?”

“A tiny, tiny bit. On second thought, maybe I don’t miss you at all.”

“Is that so?” You can tell he’s exhausted by the way he lets out his chuckle, but it doesn’t mean it’s less sincere. “It really has been a while since we last saw each other, hasn’t it?”

You nod to yourself. “Four months.”

“You keep count, huh?” His teasing tone makes you flushed. “Love me that much, do you?”

“Around four months,” you correct him, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible when the truth is, you can practically hear your heart hammering against your ribcages. “Or maybe three? Five? I don’t know.”

“Why are you so cute? Seriously, how can you be this cute?” Donghyuck sits on the edge of his bed, lips forming so widely that it nearly splits his face in half. When his chuckles have receded, his eyes begin to soften. “I love you, Noona. You know that, right?”

People might be thinking about how lucky you are to have a member of one of the most prestigious boybands in the world confessing his love for you at 3 AM, but honestly? You’re just so grateful for the fact that Lee Donghyuck, a boy who stole your heart nearly a decade ago when you were too young to even understand the word love, finally realized that your entire relationship with him was deeper than a mere friendship. It took years for both of you to finally gain enough bravery to act out your feelings, especially when he managed to shine brighter than you could ever imagine being. You were afraid of it—afraid that you would be burnt by his fame, afraid that he would discard you for he had everything and you only had him. But Donghyuck didn’t want anything. He only wanted you.

You love him. You’ve been loving him for as long as you can remember so hearing him say the words, no matter how often he has mentioned it already, still sparks fire through your veins. You’ll never admit that out loud, though.

“I’ve been thinking about you a lot these days,” he sheepishly adds.

“More than you think about yourself?” You snort. “I’m shocked.”

“Eeyyy, I’m serious.” The sound of your giggle makes him sigh, longing to hear it in person. “I wish I could be with you right now. I thought about you a lot during today’s photoshoot too.” He lies down on the bed, running a hand through his hair. “I thought about our last date. About that red dress you wore. Man, you looked so cute in that dress.”

You half-buried your face in the pillow, heat blossoming on your cheeks. “Now this is the topic I like to talk about.”

Donghyuck scrunches up his nose. “Aren’t you gonna say I looked nice too that day?”

Even the slightest thought of him—any version of him, whether it was him dressing handsomely on a date or him waking up in the morning with a bird’s nest on his head—never fails to send butterflies swirling in your stomach, but again, you’ll never admit that out loud. “Meh,” you jeer, even adding a shrug when you know he won’t be able to see. “Could’ve dressed better. I mean, ripped jeans? Really?”

“Yah, yah, yah. You said I looked good wearing those jeans!”

“We were going to a fancy restaurant and I wore a semi-formal dress, Hyuck. They just didn’t match my outfit. They didn’t match anyone’s outfit there, really.”

“Really? You’re gonna say that? Even after you spent the whole night stealing glances at me with drool on your face?”

You wish you could say he was lying, but you indeed spent the entire night drooling at him over the sight of his black leather jacket and the way his jeans just wrapped his thighs so perfectly. “I have lost interest in this topic.” It’s for the best before you combust into flames. “Where are you right now?”

“Back at the dorm.” He softly yawns. “In my room.”

“Alone?”

“Yep, since Johnny-hyung is filming out of town.” When you stay quiet, unsure of what to say, Donghyuck grins mischievously. “Why, do you wanna sneak in? I think I can afford to lose some sleep tonight, if you know what I mean.”

Flustered, you retort, “After Johnny caught us cuddling last time? No way.”

“Yeah, about that,” Donghyuck says a little awkwardly, “After you went home he said to me that he heard the whole thing—”

“What do you mean the whole thing?” The horror in your face and your voice is clear.

“I meant, the whole thing. Us having sex and stuff.”

You could practically feel the exact moment when your soul is leaving your body, but Donghyuck continues as if he’s simply talking about getting caught cheating during a test. “But it’s okay, he’s cool. He’s got my back.”

“Oh my God.” You nearly faint. “I will never show my face in front of your roommate, ever again.”

“Yeah, about that—“

“Are you fucking kidding me, Hyuck—”

“Jaehyun-hyung heard us too.”

“What?!”

“And he told Mark-hyung about it later on, and that’s the reason why I had this bump on my head for three days.” Donghyuck pouts, rubbing the back of his head, lean fingers carding through soft brown locks. “He hit me with a book, lecturing me about bringing you to the dorm as if he never did that himself.”

Not trying to overreact about it, but you’re suffocating by this point. “Why are you so chill about this?!”

“They heard us having sex, not murdering the innocents.” He rolls his eyes but seems amused at your reaction. “To be honest, I hear a lot of stuff happening in our dorm that I’m sure you don’t wanna know. Like, a lot a lot. Way worse than what I did with you.”

“And does Taeyong know about this?”

“Taeyong-hyung needs his beauty sleep so we agreed not to tell him stuff.”

“I feel sorry for him.”

“I just feel sorry he’s not part of our antics.” Donghyuck shrugs, kicking off his shoes and socks before he leans against the headboard. “How about you? Are you alone?”

“Yeah.” You heavily sigh, still feeling quite dizzy after hearing the truth he just blurted out. “My roommate’s gone for the weekend.”

“Oh…” He taps his fingers against his stomach, a weird feeling swirling inside his chest as a thought begins to form. “That’s… great…”

Donghyuck’s tongue lays heavy in his mouth, suddenly loses the ability to form a simple conversation as his mind begins to focus entirely on something else. It all started that one night when he pretended to be asleep, when in fact, he was listening to his roommate, Johnny, speaking to his girlfriend in hushed whispers. The way the older man was chuckling to his phone was suspicious, and the more he tried to listen intently, the more he realized that Johnny wasn’t conversing. He was giving orders with a voice thick with seduction. The sensual words Johnny used made Donghyuck’s ears turn scarlet, and he buried his face deeper behind his blanket. Since then, the curiosity within him has been rising more and more, nearly suffocating him sometimes when he desperately yearned for your touch but his schedule never let him take a goddamn break.

Not knowing the dirty thoughts that flit across his mind, you carry on your conversation like usual. “I guess, but it does get lonely sometimes when she’s not around. I actually like having a roommate.” The sandalwood aroma from your diffuser, combined with his velvety voice, comforts you and you’re finally able to relax. “Have you been eating well? I’ve been craving for strawberry—”

“What are you wearing?”

“—pancakes—what?”

“I…” Donghyuck heaves out a heavy breath, biting the corner of his lip, unsure yet not ready to give up on his desire. “I just… I was wondering—Are you wearing pajamas?”

“Umm…” The way he asks about it sends heat rising to your cheeks. He doesn’t sound as innocent as the words he uses. You look down, fingers curling at the hemline of your clothes. “I’m wearing one of your shirts, actually.”

Donghyuck throws his head back, eyes tightly shut as he curses silently into the air, his phone pressed against his chest. The sight of you wearing his oversized shirt has been one of his most recurring fantasies and not being able to see you, but knowing that you are wearing his shirt, kills him.

“Hyuck?”

Donghyuck brings his phone back to his ear. “Sorry, there was a… Mark.” He mentally slaps himself on the head.

“There was a Mark?”

“I mean, Mark-hyung was here—but he just left so—"

“Are you drunk again?”

“No!” Donghyuck rubs his temple. This is not going well, he shouts in his mind. “Why—” He winces when he hears his voice crack. Clearing his throat, he tries again. “Why are you wearing my shirt?”

Because it smells like you and it helps me sleep better. “Just because,” you quietly mumble, eyes locked to the ceiling. “Why are you asking me this exactly?”

“Just because,” he mimics. His breathing sounds more prominent as if he’s in the same room, only a few inches away from your ear. It’s the reason why you enjoy talking to him this way instead of taking video calls. You can focus solely on his honeyed voice, almost like a lullaby to your ears. “Can you tell me…” he continues, laced with both hesitation and anticipation, “What else you're wearing?”

“Umm…” You take a deep breath, trying to keep yourself composed. “I don’t think I want to say.”

“Please, Noona.” The sudden desperation in his plead startles you as if he’s losing control of himself, little by little. He seems to notice that too because when he speaks again, it’s steadier, almost formal. “I just… I want to know. If that’s okay.”

“Well…” You curl your toes. “Aside from your shirt, I’m…” Just say it, for God’s sake. He’s your boyfriend. He’s seen you naked. “I’m only wearing my panties.”

There’s a pause that makes your heart thump. “Not, uhh…” Donghyuck wets his lip. “Not even a bra?”

You fiddle with your fingers. “N-no.”

“Fuck.”

You nearly drop your phone. The guttural groan he just emitted from the back of his throat catches you off guard. “Hyuck..?”

“Noona, there’s—” Donghyuck sits up straight, nails nearly sinking to his jean-clad thigh. “There’s something I want to try.” There’s a sense of urgency mixed with minimum self-control. “I-if you don’t mind…”

You know where this is going. “What is it?”

“Just—Just follow my lead, okay?”

You shakily nod your head. When he calls out your name again, you remember that you have to say it in words. “Okay.”

“Can you…” Donghyuck’s heart is beating out of control. His mind desperately tries to answer how the fuck do I start this?! “Can you, umm, lie down on the bed for me?”

You can tell he’s nervous and it’s both reassuring and endearing to know that he’s never done this with anyone else before and probably not mentally ready to do it with you, but tries to go all the way because he knows both of you need to find a way to release all of these pent-up emotions.

You follow his order. “I’m…” You take a deep breath so your voice won’t tremble too much. “I’m lying on my bed.”

Donghyuck always takes a few seconds before answering, as if he’s battling inside his head as he tries to sort out his thoughts. “Is your light turned on?”

“Yes.”

“Turn it off.”

You switch off the button on your bedside lamp. “Okay, it’s off.”

“Okay, mine too.” Then all you can hear is his slightly ragged breathing. “It’s… a bit awkward, isn’t it?” He chuckles nervously, followed by an inaudible, “Fuck, why am I so nervous,” as he’s straying away from the phone.

A smile paints your lips. “You’re adorable.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

When silence strikes, Donghyuck scratches his cheek. “Do you… want to know what I’m wearing?”

You gulp. “S-sure.”

“Well…” Donghyuck takes a look at himself. “I’m wearing a denim jacket, a white shirt, a pair of jeans—I just got back from a photoshoot so—”

So he must look good. “Take them off.”

He’s probably as startled as you are when you hear the words tumbling down your mouth. But even if he is as embarrassed as you are, he doesn’t make it as obvious. “Sure.” A rustling sound can be heard, and you let your imagination wander. You can tell he’s taking off his jacket and soon, his shirt will follow. Donghyuck would always take his shirt off by grabbing the fabric from the back and yank it over his head, instead of crossing his arms at his waist. There’s something masculine about it, but you tend to get more distracted at the way his muscles would contract in his lean stomach. His silver necklace would dangle around his neck, and he’d smirk whenever he caught you staring at him for a second too long.

“My shirt’s off,” he quietly states, snapping you out of your reverie. “Now take yours off—wait! Wait. Leave it on. I want to imagine you wearing my shirt. Just take off your panties.”

“I’m—” It’s so damn hard to focus when you feel so ashamed just by hearing his instructions. “Okay…” Your fingers are quivering when they slide down your stomach, thumb hooking around the hem before you pull your lingerie down to the middle of your thighs.

“Lie down,” he whispers, “Prop a pillow behind your back. Are you comfortable?”

“Y-yeah, just…” You sigh, head going dizzy. “Embarrassed.”

The airy laughter that flows from his mouth is too innocent to be heard in this kind of situation. “So cute. Me too, actually. I’ve never done this before.” When his chuckles have receded, the nervousness grows vivid in his voice once again. “Do you, umm... Do you want to stop?”

You’re supposed to say yes, or at least a bit conflicted about it, so it shocks you when you immediately answer, “No,” without hesitation.

“Thank God.” Donghyuck sighs, smiling softly against the phone. “‘Cause I wouldn’t know what to do if you said yes.” He unbuckles his belt with one hand, taking it off as his heartbeat soars through the roof. “Then, umm… can you spread your legs? As wide as you can.”

You feel so exposed even when no one is looking. Following his guidance, you question, “What about you? What are you doing?”

“I’m…” Donghyuck swallows hard, looking down at the way his hand is pressing against his semi-hardness. “I’m rubbing myself over my pants.”

Fuck, you mentally groan. “Why aren’t you touching yourself directly?”

“Cause I want to wait for you.” He has his eyes closed, hand slipping under the hemline of his jeans, stroking himself over his boxer. “I want to picture you rubbing your fingers on your clit. I want to hear you moan my name when you do.”

Oh my God. “Then guide me,” you plead. There’s something so irresistibly sexy about him touching himself while picturing you pleasuring yourself with your fingers. “Tell me what to do, Hyuck.”

He runs his tongue over his lower lip. The excitement of being able to act as a puppeteer, tugging on your strings, sends all blood rushing south. “Can you push your shirt up? Don’t take it off, just—” He exhales, taking a moment to collect himself after a certain obscene thought of you touching yourself entered his mind. “Just make sure it’s not in the way.”

“Okay.” You grip the hemline of your shirt, pulling it up until it pools above your chest. “Now, what?”

“I want you to touch your breasts.” You’re more aroused by his breathy voice and lustful tone than embarrassed at this point. “Imagine me, Noona,” Donghyuck whispers, and he sounds so close, as if he’s lying down next to you. “Imagine me with my hands on you, caressing your breasts. Can you do that?”

You squeeze your breast, mumbling out a weak, “Yes…” The memory of Donghyuck, embracing you from behind, his naked chest pressed against your spine, hot mouth lazily pressing wet kisses against your nape suddenly comes alive in your mind. You still remember how sexy he sounded moaning out your name as he rocked his hips forward, his fingers exploring around your chest, rubbing and pinching at a certain spot to make you press closer to him in desperation for more of his touch.

“Suck on your fingers, make them wet, then bring them back down.” Donghyuck’s hips are bucking against his hand, his fingers tugging his zipper down. “Imagine my mouth latching on your nipple, sucking it the way I always do. The way you like me to do.”

You bring your fingers to your mouth, coating two of them with saliva before you bring them back down to pinch your sensitive bud. With your eyes closed and his heavy breathing in your ear, the wet sensation of your fingers gives you a clear image of his tongue flicking against your nub.

“Tell me how you feel.”

“It’s not enough,” you croak out, “I want to feel you directly on my skin.”

Donghyuck takes a sharp breath. “You don’t even know how much I want to be there and touch you.” The way his voice suddenly becomes deep sends shivers down your spine. “I want to suck bruises on your skin. I want to mark you everywhere, again and again, so the bruises will last for days. I want you to remember me every time you see yourself in the mirror.”

You sheepishly smile, though your heart is still racing. “I always remember you even without that, Haechannie.”

The sudden change of his name warms his heart. “I wish you’re the only one who calls me that. You make my stage name sounds better, special. I could have thousands of people screaming my name but none of them makes me feel the way you do.” As he slides his hand under his boxer, finally making direct contact with his skin, Donghyuck becomes desperate once again. “Bring your other hand down. I want you to touch yourself, Noona, please.”

You slide your hand between your legs, tentatively rubbing yourself between your folds. “Hyuck…”

“Does it feel good?”

You nod, eyes shut, and your mind wanders. “Yes…”

“Rub your clit for me. And imagine I’m doing that with my tongue.”

You can picture him with his head between your legs so perfectly behind your closed eyelids. He has done it several times and you remember how he would always start slow, placing open-mouthed kisses on the inner part of your thigh before dipping his head down and swipe his tongue along your folds—all the while never breaking eye-contact. He would press a kiss against your clit, and lick you slowly because he’d want you to beg for it. He never directly told you but you could tell he liked being in control because the second you whispered “Please, Hyuck,” he would immediately indulge you with everything you wanted and more.

Donghyuck would suck hard on your clit, doing it so suddenly that you’d nearly crush him by wrapping your legs too tightly around his head. Amazed and delighted by your reaction, he would break into a smile with his tongue still darting out to taste you, mouth pressing harder against your skin until he plunged his tongue inside your heat.

You moan out his name at the memory, directly to the phone.

“Fuck, baby, you sound so perfect…” Donghyuck nearly whimpers and the word baby stirs something within you as he never called you that before.

“Call me like that again…” You rub yourself harder on the spot you like the most. “Please, Hyuck…”

“Baby…” Donghyuck’s fingers are curling harder around his length, pumping himself in accordance to every gasp and moan you’re emitting. “I wish I could see you—I wish I could lock my eyes with yours as I eat you up. I want to see your face, every single expression you make—I bet you look so cute, so goddamn... erotic.”

Your hold around your phone loosens but fortunately for you, the pillow pressing against it keeps it close to your ear. “Touch yourself,” you breathily murmurs, “I want you to touch yourself too.”

“I am, baby,” Donghyuck softly moans, his fingers tightening around his length. “What else do you want me to do?”

“I want you to stroke yourself harder and run your thumb over your slit.” Donghyuck zealously follows, cursing under his breath at the pleasure. “And I want you to keep doing it until my name escapes your lips.”

“God, I want you.” He repeats your name over and over again, as ordered, with him stroking himself faster each time. “Noona, I want your mouth on me. I want to see you hollow your cheeks around me—like how you did to me when we were backstage, that time after the concert. You looked so pretty that night, so eager—so desperate for me—”

“Me too. I want to make you feel good too. I—” You nip at your bottom lip, feeling goosebumps creeping up your skin when he moans out your name. You’ve always loved his voice, loved it more than anything else in the world, and the sounds he makes when he’s in bed with you is the sexiest thing that even your poor mind can’t even begin to imagine. And now, focusing solely on his voice, listening to his filthy, sinful words, he’s driving you to the edge of your sanity.

“I’ve touched myself before at the thought of you,” he confesses breathlessly, “Several times, even way before we started dating.”

You’re trembling at the thought. “Haechannie—”

“You don’t know just how much—” The sound of him trying to stifle down a moan only makes you crave for him more. “—how much I wanted you back then. How much I want you now. Even during high school, I just—I wanted you—wanted to touch you—wanted—ah fuck,” a whine slipped out his lips, “Wanted to hold you so bad, to make love to you until—”

At the rustling sounds, him whimpering at his touches, and you rubbing yourself on the perfect spot, you know you won’t last long. “H-Hyuck, are you close?”

“Just a little bit more, Noona, ah—” He thrashes his head against the pillow, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down as he swallows hard. “Fuck, I need to be inside you. I need to feel you clenching your walls around me.” At the memory of you gazing at him with anticipation building inside your seductive, half-lidded eyes, as you parted your legs to give him permission to ravish you the way he wanted, Donghyuck quickens the pace, thrusting vigorously into his hand. “Fuck yourself with your fingers, baby, please.”

You’re more than keen to follow, inserting one digit inside your heat with another one following soon after. You can visualize him bringing your legs in the air until they dangle over his shoulders, his hips slamming hard against yours with each thrust. “Hyuck—”

“If you were here right now,” he nearly growls, “I would fuck you so hard until you’re mewling my name against the sheets. And I won’t stop, I won’t stop even if you beg me to. I won’t stop until I’m done with you.”

Donghyuck doesn’t sound like he’s trying to dirty talk which only makes it even more arousing to your ear. It’s as if he’s losing control of his mouth, just saying anything that comes to mind. The honesty, the urgency, his breathy, desperate calls of your name between lewd words—

You choke out a sob. “Hyuck—I’m close—”

“Me too—N-noona—Kiss me—”

It’s one of the most intense orgasms you’ve ever felt and it’s funny because you never really enjoyed touching yourself before. Donghyuck follows a few seconds after, moaning your name so erotically that will probably give you a hard time falling asleep for days at the thought of it. You’re left dazed, staring at the ceiling with half-lidded eyes. Your phone lays forgotten on the pillow next to you. Mustering all the strength you have left, you reach out for it. “Hyuck…?”

You can hear him breathing heavily. “I’m here,” he says. “Are you okay? Did you get to come?”

“Y-yes.” Now that it’s over, you begin to feel self-conscious again and the heat that blooms on your cheeks nearly wash every bit of your orgasm away in an instant. “Did you?”

“I made a huge mess.” He chuckles, sounding just as embarrassed as you are. “Fuck, didn’t realize it was going to be this good when we started. What would’ve happened if we had Face-Timed each other instead?”

Your head nearly explodes at the thought. “One step at a time, Hyuck. I’m practically dying from shame right now.”

He laughs a little at that. “So, you don’t really oppose the idea? Man, I have something to look forward to then.”

“Shut up, you’re gross. Is this the reason you called me?”

“No,” he hastily says, “I swear, I called because I missed hearing your voice.” Then he thinks about it again. “Well, I mean, I have been thinking about doing, uhh, these kinds of things with you but trust me, it wasn’t the reason why I called.”

“Sure,” you flatly reply, teasing him.

“Yah, yah, yah, it’s your fault for saying that you were wearing nothing but my shirt!”

“It’s your fault for asking me what I was wearing!”

It’s always like this with him. You’re bickering at one point, having sex at another time, then goes back to bickering once again. But it’s endearing, you suppose, because after this, you’ll be murmuring loving words, and just when you begin to think about it, Donghyuck whispers into the phone.

“I love you, Noona. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

And you smile. “I love you too, Haechannie. You’re the second best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“What the hell is the first one?”

“Chicken nuggets.”

“You’re so dead.”

***

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ignitedbynatsu · 3 years

Text

He Makes You Feel Insecure ~ Rogue

A/N: let it be known that I finally managed to update at the deadline I set myself 🥳 I'm so sorry I was gone this past week but college was getting hella busy so I had to focus on that this past week but I'm backkk. Thanks to everyone who stuck around, I missed you all and can't wait to get to the requests ❤️

Genre: angst to fluff

Warnings: swearing, insecurities (he makes you feel too childish)

Other versions:

Gray ~ Laxus ~ Cobra/Erik ~ Bickslow ~ Gajeel ~ Natsu ~ Jellal ~ Freed ~ Sting

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

A loud crash could be heard followed by your and Sting's laughter filling the guild. You quickly fled the scene and hid behind Rogue while stifling your laughter.

You had played the oldest prank in the book on Minerva. A water bucket on a half-open door. You'll never understand how the brilliant mage fell for that one, but she did, resulting in you hiding from her wrath.

"(Y/N)! Sting!" Minerva screeched as the water dripped down her hair.

"We're sorry Minerva-san, we just couldn't pass the opportunity" you apologize on your and Sting's behalf, but it was nowhere near sincere As you both were still doing everything in your power to not burst out in laughter. It wasn't even that funny, but to you and Sting it was hilarious.

"I swear I'm dating a child" the annoyance that was latched on to the words made you immediately stop laughing. Surely he didn't mean for it to come out that harsh, right?

"I'm sorry, what was that" a soft smile still playing on your lips, but that was quickly wiped off when you met his cold gaze.

"I said that you're fucking childish, (Y/N). It was bad enough having Sting act this way, but with you encouraging him and even joining him? I feel like I'm in a fucking daycare. Grow up, will you" Sting laughter also died down as he saw his friend take his frustrations out on you. "Hey, man, that's not cool-"

"No, Sting, it's fine. I- uh- I'll see you all tomorrow" even Minerva shook her head in disappointment as she observed your slumped shoulders as you left the guild. She didn't miss the tears starting to form either.

The rest of the day everyone felt that they were walking on eggshells around Rogue, not daring to get on his bad side. They felt bad for you. Sure you could be a little annoying with all the pranks you pulled, but they all knew it was just good fun. You never meant any harm and just wanted to make the guild feel a little more like home.

That homeyness that you seemed to bring everywhere you went, was gone the next day. Your usual colourful outfits were replaced by dull grey and black clothes. They even were certain that they hadn't seen you crack a smile once that day.

"Hey, (Y/N)! I got this amazing idea for a prank and-" you interrupted Sting before he could elaborate his grand idea "thank you, Sting, but I'll have to decline."

You had never refused a prank before, nor had he ever heard you talk that formal "that's it"

You raised an eyebrow at him as he stormed off to God knows where.

You hated turning him down. After all, you had been itching all day to break this facade, but it was for the best. It'll pay off in the long run you kept telling yourself. After all, you couldn't imagine a world where you'd have to live without Rogue. So if that meant you'd have to change your personality a little bit, you wouldn't even hesitate to make that sacrifice.

Meanwhile, Sting had left to go find Rogue. He knew that his best friend was the only one who could put an end to this "is this what you wanted?"

"I have no clue what you are talking about" Rogue replied as he turned around to meet the fuming blonde.

"You seriously don't see how miserable you made (Y/N)?" He scoffed as Rogue looked around to spot you. It took him some time as he did not expect you to wear something so... Colourless. "You haven't even spoken to her today, have you?"

"I decided that I was way out of line yesterday and that I should give her some time" he explained. Did you really think you needed to change just to please him?

"How kind of you" Rogue was surprised by the sweet words coming out of Sting's mouth, but when he turned back to the said boy he was met by a harsh glare "now go fix it"

"What if I make it worse" the guilty was slowly eating him alive as he dared to steal another glance at you.

"You can't possibly make it worse than it already is" Sting dismissed his insecurities

"Fro thinks so too!" Rogue's head snapped towards the Exceed "Frosch?"

"It's three against one here" Lector also piped up as the three stared at him expectingly.

The raven-haired sighed, knowing he should do something to fix his mistakes, so he took a deep breath, gathered all his courage and headed towards his girlfriend. He never thought he'd feel this scared again to talk to you.

"(Y/N)... Can we talk?" He wanted to sound confident but when you looked at him and not even spared him a small smile, he felt like he wanted to sink back into the shadows.

"Of course, what is it you'd like to talk with me about?" Rogue cringed how smooth your tone was. No unnecessary intonation, no shouting, no expression. Everything was dull and blank.

"Why are you acting like this" your eyes went wide for a second. Were you still not living up to his expectations? Was it too little? Too much? You had no clue.

"I'm afraid I don't understand what you are talking about" you replied swiftly, covering up any traces of emotions you had just shown. "Did you not want me to stop acting like a child?"

"Yes, but-" "and is what I'm doing not exactly that what you asked me to do?" "Yeah... But-" Rogue was getting frustrated, but he knew he had no right to snap at you again.

"Then I don't see the relevance of this conversation. I'll be heading home now. I'll see you tomorrow" with that you placed a kiss on his cheeks and headed back out of the guild.

Rogue's attempts at covering up his frustration were in vain as you could read him like an open book. Afraid to get yelled at again you hastily decided to head back home. Ready to scream or punch something just to get your own frustrations out.

After the failed attempts of him making it up to you, you managed to put up your facade for a week, until one day you just didn't show up. You didn't notify Sting or Rogue in advance, which you normally do, you were just too tired to deal with anyone.

"Has (Y/N) told you she wasn't coming today?" Rogue's anxiety was through the roof. He nearly burned a whole town to the ground when he lost Frosch. Imagine what he'd do if he didn't know where you, his significant other was. "No"

"I'm going to her house" with that Rogue left in an attempt to find you. Luckily for him, you were indeed just at your house.

Your stomach dropped at the sound of someone knocking at your door. You were tired, no, exhausted even. You hated that you had to pretend that you were someone that you're not, but it was all for a good cause you kept telling yourself, and yet you couldn't muster the energy to keep up that facade.

"(Y/N)? Please tell me your home" your heart broke at the sound of his voice. The worry and desperateness were caused because of you. Once again you were not good enough.

You opened the door ever so slightly, just enough, so he could make out that it was in fact you. "Thank God you're here"

"I'm sorry for not giving a heads-up. I promise I'll be back tomorrow" you promised him as you were about to shut the door again, but he stopped you by placing his own hand against the door.

"(Y/N), please, we need to talk" you contemplated for a minute, weighing the pros and the cons "please"

You slowly opened the door further as a signal for him to come in.

The sight in front of him shattered his heart. Your eyes were red and puffy. Your figure was completely slouched and your arms were wrapped around your middle, hugging yourself, in an attempt to shield yourself away from.

"I'm sorry I probably look like a cry baby right now-" he stopped you before you could finish your excuse "hey, no, none of that"

"I want to tell you something and I need you to listen without you interrupting me, okay?" You nodded your head at his request and waited patiently as he continued. "First and foremost I'd like to apologize for my behaviour last week. I shouldn't have worked out my frustration on you and I shouldn't have attacked you like that."

You nodded your head at his apology "second, I want you to know that you should never change your personality. Especially not for me. I love you, (Y/N). And when I say that, I mean every piece of you. Your good and your bad traits. If fell in love with you for who you are, and not the person you've been portraying as the last week."

"Please go back to your old self. I'd rather have a childish person as my girlfriend than a fraud that's clearly exhausted by putting on a facade. I really am sorry for making you feel like you had to change for me" by now you were full-on crying. Maybe it was because of Rogue's kind words, maybe it was because of the exhaustion, maybe a bit of both. All you cared about now was being in his arms and feeling loved.

"It's okay" you whispered as placed your head on his chest as he planted a kiss on your head.

"It really isn't. That's why I'd like to make it up to you" you broke the hug to look up at him as a mischievous glint was sparkling in his eyes "how about we prank Sting?"

"I'd love to, but for now let's just watch a film and cuddle" you smiled at his idea as you had never pranked Sting before since you always prank others together.

"Anything for you, princess" that's how you spend the rest of your evening in each other's arms, with him reassuring you every once in a while that he loves you and that you should never change.

716 notes · View notes

itsallyscorner · 4 years

Note

just like magic with marvel cast, the vibe is----- a perfect song for a lil b*tch with a good heart and a sarcastic mouth

just like magic is the song we ALL need for 2020😌 Start manifesting ya’ll🖤 Also thank you sm for the request I am so so sorry this took so freakin’ long😭 Love u, happy reading🖤🖤 Tried to add my own lil twist to your request:)

(A lil different from the request, but I tried to make the reader have a bit sas.)

💌.

just like magic

Growing up within the Marvel Cinematic Universe was probably one of things you were most grateful for. When you first started out you weren’t that social. You were new to the business, you didn’t know anybody and you were intimidated by every single actor you crossed paths with.

At first you didn’t feel like you fit in. You felt as if you were a burden to everyone else. You barely talked to anyone which made the others approach you out of force by the Russos. Everyone around you was talented while you were just some newcomer who had jack shit as experience. The first few years you were insecure of yourself mentally and physically. You weren’t as pretty or fit as the other women in the MCU nor did your skills live up to theirs. Which led to some unhealthy habits. Plus there were haters and movie critics who would say horrible things about you and your acting.

You had a rocky start unlike Tom Holland and even Lexi Rabe. Until one day when you realized that you had to change how you were thinking. It took you a while but all that negative thinking you were doing was only bringing you negative energy. So when you had a break from filming movies, your number one goal was to improve yourself.

Wake up in my bed, I just wanna have a good day (Mmm, ah)

Think it in my head, then it happens how it should, ayy

Twelve o'clock, I got a team meeting, then a meditation at like 1:30

Then I ride to the studio listening to some shit I wrote (Oh)

You woke up with smile on your face in a sense of calmness. The sun shined bright hues into your room as you got up from your bed. Today was the first day back on set. You guys were finally filming Civil War and you were honestly so excited. As you did your morning routine, you went over how the day would go in your head. You’re genuinely excited to see the entire cast. It has been almost half a year since you’ve seen everyone and you couldn’t wait to be back.

You took one last look at yourself in the mirror. Compared to the previous year, you looked and felt healthy. Your eyes shined and you looked well relaxed. You know like one of those face cleanser commercials? That’s how you felt. You felt like a breath of fresh air.

The ride to the studio took a good 30 minutes but it felt like seconds. You entered the set with a new sense of confidence and pride. The energy was practically radiating off you.

“(Y/n)?” You hear someone call from behind you. You turn around and see Scarlett looking at you.

“Hey!” You greet her as you approach her. You pulled her into a hug, startling her.

“Oh! Hello to you too, honey.” She laughed as she wrapped her arms around you. “How are you?”

“I’m doing great! Life’s been good.” You answer as a toothy grin graces itself on your face. Scarlett’s eyes are filled with shocked. From the previous times she’s talked to you she’s never seen you so loud or open. You were always shy and closed off from everyone on set.

Good karma, my aesthetic (Aesthetic)

Keep my conscience clear, that's why I'm so magnetic

Manifest it (Yeah), I finessed it (I finessed it)

Take my pen and write some love letters to Heaven

Eventually everyone on set caught on to your new attitude. Though they tried to be discreet about their reactions and shocked expressions, you could still see how they were caught off guard by your sudden change of nature.

Anthony watched as you conversed with Elizabeth and Scarlett on the couch in Robert’s “village” . You were probably the most smiliest person in the room beating Evans, who was eating his lunch.

“She’s like different. But in a good way. It’s like she’s bloomed.” Anthony thought out loud to the men beside him. Chris (E) and Sebastian look in your direction.

“Bloomed?” Chris snorted as he swallowed his food.

“Yeah, like she’s growing into a woman.” Anthony hummed proudly as he went back to his own lunch. Sebastian smiled at you, “I think she’s gained some confidence in herself and finally realized how good of a person she is.”

“If she’s finally realized that, I’m glad she did. She’s like a ball of sunshine, it’s adorable.” Chris smiled proudly at you as your hands move around animatedly while explaining some story to the two women in front of you.

“Y’all think it’s a boy?” Anthony wondered. Sebastian rolled his eyes at his friend. Before he can even respond Anthony is calling you over. You approach the men with a smile and take a seat beside Sebastian.

“What’s up?” You greet them. Chris nods at you as he chews on his sandwich. Sebastian greeting you with a quiet “hey”.

“So who’s the lucky man?” Anthony asks teasingly. Your brows knit together head tilting to the side.

“Man?”

“Yes man, or boy, whatever. Who’s got you feelin’ yourself, (y/n).” Anthony wiggles his brows as he shimmies closer to you. Sebastian, who’s in between you two, cringes at the man to his left.

You didn’t take any offense to the question, knowing that everyone was curious as to why you were so unlike yourself.

You chuckled before smirking at the older man, “Anthony, honey. I don’t need a man to be feelin’ myself. I did this on my own.”

Chris and Sebastian’s mouth drop at your answer. Chris laughed as he pointed out Anthony’s face. Sebastian slung an arm around your shoulder bringing you into a side hug as he laughed with Chris.

“To be fair” Chris began to say but started to laugh, “To be fair, you deserved that.” Anthony’s face went flushed as he nodded to himself. You suddenly felt bad that you put him on the spot.

“Alright, stop laughing at him.” You playfully glare at Chris and Seb. You poke Anthony’s arm, “To answer your question, I’ve just been working on myself. Thinking more positively, I even tried manifestation.”

“You know what, that’s good. You’re taking care of yourself mentally and physically. I’m proud of you for doing this for yourself, we all are.” Anthony tells you as he motions to the two other men.

You look at all three of them, all of them looking at you with pride, “Thanks guys.”

Just like magic (Baby), just like magic (Oh yeah)

Middle finger to my thumb and then I snap it

Just like magic (Yeah), I'm attractive (Oh yeah)

I get everything I want 'cause I attract it (Oh)

As the months passed, the more you evolved into another version of you. You walked with determination, carried yourself with such grace and you’ve gained confidence in your career. You didn’t let your insecurities get to you, instead you faced them and overcame them. You were tired of letting them control you.

Your change in attitude and perspective on life has definitely affected your life in many ways. Manifestation was one of the things that have helped you the most. Writing about your goals and putting that energy out to the world has helped you persevere in your job. You’ve only faced good karma; sending out positive energy and receiving it back from the universe.

So far you’ve been casted in two new projects and have a campaign lined up with Gucci. If you were told a year ago that you’d be working with big time directors and freakin’ Gucci, you wouldn’t have believe them. Life has been unreal ever since you decided to change your life around. But of course you had to thank your Marvel family, without them and their support you probably wouldn’t haven gotten to where you were today.

Looking at my phone, but I'm tryna disconnect it (Oh yeah)

Read a fuckin' book, I be tryna stay connected (Yeah)

Say it's tricky at the top, gotta keep a slim ego for a thick wallet

Losing friends left and right, but I just send 'em love and light (Oh)

As many people recognized your success many people still tried to pull you down. Some fans on social media have noticed your change in behavior and have even praised you for practicing self care. While others still tried to push you off the mountain of success you were currently on and drag you across the ground.

These were the reasons as to why you were barely on your phone anymore. You used to be invested in your phone but after realizing how much negativity it brought you, you’ve decided to slowly disconnect from it. Which led you to becoming more interested into books.

Chris (E) had even brought some of his favorite arts of literature for you to borrow. You were currently on your third book of his, Sapiens A Brief History of Humankind by Yuval Noah Harari. You were sitting outside your trailer in a fold up chair under the shade. Your peacefulness was interrupted by Tom (Holland) who had a worried expression on his face.

“Have you not seen it yet?” He asked you as soon as he was in front of you. Being the two most youngest actors on the current set, you guys were closer to each other than with the adults.

“Seen what, Tommy?” You put a finger in between the pages you were reading to save your spot. Tom pulls his phone out and began to type. He tapped on his screen and turned the screen to you.

“She’s been talking crap about you for days.” You read the article and saw that one of your “friends”, Sabrina has been speaking out about your success and how it’s changed you as a person.

“She’s going off about how the more money you get in your wallet, the more bratty and arrogant you become.” He grumbled as he turned his phone off.

“I could care less, honestly. I know I haven’t done anything to her and if I did I was unaware of it. Plus, she stopped talking to me after I said I couldn’t get her a part in a movie.” You shrugged as you placed a proper bookmark in the book.

“You’re not upset?”

“I mean it’s sad that she’s acting so two faced. But if that’s how she wants to roll, then be my guest. It’s her loss, not everyone has great taste.” You flicked a piece of hair away from your face with your hand.

“You’re not gonna release a statement against her?”

“No, probably just wish her well with her life and move on with my own.” You answered much to Tom’s dismay.

Redesign your brain, we gon' make some new habits

Just like magic (Just like magic), just like magic

Filming has officially ended a few months ago and now you guys were doing press tour for Civil War. Before you were the new and improved version of yourself, you dreaded press tours. Some interviewers were nice and respectful, but there were those who would ask inappropriate questions and were just rude in general. All you could remember during those past tours was wanting to leave those rooms as soon as possible.

The q&a panel at New York had a packed room. There were many journalist crowded in the room shoulder to shoulder. You were sat in between Elizabeth and Scarlett, two of the women who have been guiding you and teaching you about life as a woman in the business. They were also like your older sisters.

The panel had been going smoothly for the first half hour until a man with a snobby face and cocky demeanor approached the mic.

“Hello, I’m Keith and my question’s for (y/n).” He began. You nodded in his direction, motioning for him to continue.

“I think everyone’s noticed how you’ve changed and developed as a person. Obviously something’s changed in your life. So I want to know if you’ve had any intimate relationships with any of the men in the cast?” You were surprised at the man’s question. First it was bold of him to ask such a question and second it was just disrespectful to you and the others on the cast.

“I mean someone’s gotta be fucking you good to make you crawl out your shell.” The man finished shrugging nonchalantly. Robert was about to interject but your mouth was quicker than his. The men of the cast were disgusted at the man while they sat at the edge of their seats.

“Well last time I checked my contract, my job was to act, not sleep around with the men who are part of these movies.” You spoke into the mic. All the attention was on you while the room was at a standstill.

“It’s also very upsetting that you think a girl needs to be fucked in order to be confident in herself. I hate to break it to you but women are completely capable of turning their lives around without the help of men and that says a lot about you, sir. So if I were you, I’d take myself back to my seat and rethink my life because if one of us has to redesign our brains it’s you.” You finished as you placed your mic on your lap. The room was silent until the cast began to clap. This was your first time standing up for yourself, usually Robert or Scarlett would swoop in and save you but this time, you were saving yourself.

You shook your head as you blushed, shoving your head in your hands. You felt some pats on the backs and cheers from your dysfunctional family. You look up and see Scarlett and Elizabeth smiling at you proudly.

“Isn’t she amazing?” Robert asked the crowd as he hugged you. The crowd cheering you on.

Just like magic, your life felt like a dream come true, knowing that you were worth it and enough for the people around you and for yourself.

#marvel #mcu #avengers #chris evans #chris evans x reader #Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan x reader #anthony mackie x reader #Anthony Mackie #Scarlett Johansson #Scarlett Johansson x reader #marvel cast x teen!reader #marvel cast x reader #ally’s 700 celebration #ally’s requests

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hxt1b · 3 years

Text

Why Can’t We? - Extended

Masterlist

Jaehyun x Reader

WC: 4.2k

Genre: Angst (YouTuber Reader x Idol Jaehyun)

Warning: Smut and Swearing

Original Post: Why Can’t We?

A/N: Hey thank you so much for the love on the original little blurb I wrote. I decided to write an extended version of it for you guys. I hope you like it! If you haven’t read the original I’ve linked it. This is sort of a part two but you could read this without reading the blurb as well hence why I don’t think it fits to call it a part two. Again the grammar may be iffy, I tried my best but things probably still slipped through, regardless I hope you guys like this. Let me know your thoughts. And if anyone wants to send me any requests you can go do that here. I appreciate them and will get to them as soon as I can!

You were slumped over your desk, staring at the work you had in front of you. Your business partner/ best friend was expecting this to be done by the end of the night. The video needed to be out by eight pm. It was already seven, you couldn’t focus though and you knew that if you called her and just explained to her that you fucked up. That you did the one thing you shouldn’t have. That you slept with Jaehyun. She’d help you. But you couldn’t process the fact yourself, you couldn’t process the emotions that were still running through you. You couldn’t believe that you ran. Yet you knew there was no other option. You knew how you felt about him, and Jaehyun never made any move to hide his feelings. Not from you.

But it wouldn’t work and you knew that, you were so wrapped up in your YouTube channel and all the other opportunities that were coming your way, and he was… well he was Jung Jaehyun. You couldn’t see yourself by his side. Not with how much you’d have to hide it, not with all his fans. They’d find out, your whole life was on the internet, his was too. It wouldn’t work, it would only lead to more heartbreak. Heartbreak at a greater scale one that you could not take.

You held yourself back as much as you could but last night you couldn’t. Not with the way he looked at you, his eyes showing every emotion he had inside him, not with the way his mouth felt against yours, the way his hands moved against your skin. You could still feel his breath on your skin.

A shiver ran down your spine and you were brought back to the computer in front of you. A video of you and your best friend staring back at you. You’d only edited the first four minutes, there was two hours' worth of footage waiting for you.

Sighing you grabbed your phone, biting your lip you kept yourself from looking at the missed calls you had from him and messages he had sent you. You ignored the burning in you to open them, to reply, to call him back. Instead, you called your friend.

Her happy voice coming through after the first ring.

“Hey, dude what’s up?”

“So listen, I uh I’m gonna need another hour to edit that video it’ll be a little late is that okay?” You said, your voice slightly shaking.

“Yeah yeah, that's fine.” Her voice fell to a concerned tone, “Is everything okay?”

“Sorry, yeah I just haven’t been having the best day ya know.” You ran your finger along the side of your desk as you spoke to her. Your mind wandering back to Jaehyun.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” She asked.

“No there’s nothing to talk about just one of those slow and tiring days.” You lied. She hummed on the other side of the line dropping the topic.

“Take your time with the video’s its fine if it goes up late we can put it up tomorrow too. Just send out a tweet.” You nodded even though she couldn’t see you.

“Okay, I’ll do that. Thank you.”

Hanging up you opened your Twitter app. Quickly typing out the tweet. You scrolled through your feed as your tweet blew up, you weren’t huge on YouTube but you had a decent amount of subscribers that your posting schedule mattered.

Minutes ticked by as you liked and replied to some tweets that came your way. But scrolling came to be a mistake. A thread about Jaehyun appeared on your feed and you couldn’t help but open it, your heart aching as the thread appreciated Jaehyun dimples. You loved his dimples as much as anyone else. The difference was that you had a front seat to him. You’d poked your finger into those dimples so many times over the span of time that you and Jaehyun had known each other.

Quickly closing the app you came face to face again with all the notifications regarding him. Blinking as your eyes stung you bit your lip again. There was only one option in your head again, you couldn’t handle the ache that your heart felt right now imagine if it was on a grander scale. You had to stop this now.

Opening his contact information on your phone you blocked his number, and on Instagram and every other platform he could contact you. Your vision blurred and your headached as you put your phone back down on your desk.

You couldn’t edit the video today anyway. Getting up from your desk chair you made your way to your bed and buried yourself under your blankets as a few tears slipped down your cheek.

Two weeks passed and Jaehyun was a mess, his head was somewhere else constantly, he couldn’t focus on his work. He couldn’t think straight. He just moved from day to day as he became more and more numb. He’d called you, texted you but you hadn’t returned anything. Short of going to your apartment, he’d done everything he could, and that was something he wasn’t going to do. Not after you blocked him.

He dropped his head into the palms of his hands, the bitter pain of the action hitting him again. You’d actually blocked him. The tears gathered in the corners of his eyes again but he blinked them away. But it all hurt, everything hurt. His head hurt from the anger he felt towards you, yet his heart ached for you. The fight in him tired him out daily. The other boys were noticing, Johnny had tried to talk to him about it but Jaehyun didn’t know what to say.

She fucked me and left, oh and while she left she ripped my heart out and stomped on it because there is no way she doesn’t know that I love her.

Jaehyun knew you were cautious, he could sense your fear. But when you slept together that day he’d hoped you’d forget it, that you’d understand that it could work. That with you he’d make it work. He’d hoped that you’d see it. But clearly, you hadn’t.

You hadn’t even given it a chance.

You saw him everywhere all of sudden. You blocked him but you still saw him everywhere. It had been a month since you’d last seen him and noting was easier. You’d lied to yourself then and you would lie to yourself now. Because this was for the best.

You sighed again as another clip of Jaehyun popped up in your Instagram feed. They’d just had another comeback and it was shaping into your biggest nightmare very fast. Scrolling again you came across a clip from a recent interview. He was smiling and laughing with Jungwoo. His dimples showing up as he threw his head back and laughed at something Jungwoo had said to him. Another sigh slipped out your lips as you scrolled again.

“Oh, my fuck. I swear Y/N if you fucking sigh again I’ll knock you out into next week.” Your best friend was staring at you from where she stood setting up the camera for today's shoot.

“What is even wrong with you. For the past month, you’ve been sad and angry and you constantly don’t want to talk about it and I respected that but today I’ve had enough.” Her hands had moved to her hips as she glared down at you.

Looking away from her you ran your tongue over your drying lips.

“Talk to me Y/N.” She demanded and before you knew it everything spilled out. From the day you met Jaehyun nine months ago, to all the flirting. You told her about all the dates you’d gone on, you even told her how you insisted on calling them friend dates. Watched movies in his room, kicking Jungwoo out so that it would be just the two of you. Making cakes in his kitchen and doing the most cliche things while making them. You told her all of it, how you slept with him and blocked him because you were scared. Obviously, she knew of Jaehyun she’d even met him on many occasions but she didn’t know the details, because for some reason your brain had told you that if your best friend knew them. That if you spoke of the events that the feelings would become real, that it would all become real.

“You're scared?” She questioned her face contorting into an expression bordering on disgust. “Scared. You?” She was sitting beside you a scowl embedded into her face.

“Dude, we don’t scare. We meet shit head-on. Our channel is thriving because we didn’t give in to the fear that we would fail. We got where we are with that practice. We don’t fear shit. Especially not the complicated shit because we always make it work we always try.”

She didn’t even blink as she spoke, you knew she was right, but it was easier said than done wasn’t it? But she was right you didn’t fear failure with your work and it paid off and you loved it.

“But it’s so much more complicated now. I don’t think I can fix this.”

“You have to try. Because I can’t stand this behaviour anymore. Fix it, babe, at least try and if it doesn’t work I’ll be here and we’ll move past it.” You nodded as she spoke. Glad that she was your best friend.

“So I should go talk to him? Apologize? Tell him what was going on in my head?”

“Yeah, dude just talk to him.” She looked at you expectantly as she got up and went back to fixing the camera angle.

“Okay can you set up the mic’s now, you can talk to him after we film. Now help me.”

Three hours later you were dragging your feet towards his dorm. You’d planned out what to say and how to say it, after you filmed, in your mirror. Your best friend giving you the thumbs up when you left.

Looking up as you neared the dorm, the air left your lungs. There he was walking towards you, smiling down at a beautiful girl. He looked happy. You watched them as they walked slowly talking about god knows what, your hands fisted at your side as she laughed at something he said. Your insides turned and you felt like you were gonna puke. But you had no right. You were the one who left, you uncurled your hand as your eyes began to sting.

What did you think was going to happen? That you’d leave him and he’d sit around waiting for you. That when you walked into his dorm today he’d take you back with open arms like you hadn’t left his bed and then blocked him on everything. You shook your head blinking back the tears.

You bit your lip and looked away from them. There was no way back into his life and it was clear and it was your fault., but you had to look at him again. Just one last time. Just to see that smile, those dimples one last time in person even if you weren’t the one he was smiling at.

Turning your head back to him your entire body froze. He was already looking at you. Stopped a few feet back from the entrance of the dorm. The girl digging around her bag for something. Your heart thumped in your chest, your blood flowing fast, the rush of it the only sound in your ears.

Your eyes stung again, you couldn’t cry. Not here. Turning away from him you walked away quickly. You needed to get away fast, he shouldn’t have seen you. You felt selfish that you’d stood there that long, that you’d tried to steal that last glance. You should have walked away sooner. The tears slipped down your cheeks, leaving cold wet trails in their wake.

A hand grabbed your wrist, whipping you around. You didn’t look at him, you couldn’t. His hand tightened around your wrist.

“So you’re gonna run away again?” You didn’t say anything back. What would you even say because the truth was yes. Yes, you were. He scoffed and dropped your hand, taking a step away from you.

“You're with a girl, you’re happy I don’t want to intrude.” You still weren’t looking at him, keeping your eyes trained on the ground to your left.

“Look at me.” He said his voice even. You refused.

“Look at me!” His tone was harsher, slowly you turned your head to him your eyes taking in his face, from far he had looked like the perfect Jaehyun you always saw, but up close you could see the slight darkness under his eyes, the paleness of his skin, the sadness in his eyes as yours finally locked onto them. “Do I look happy to you? That girl is my cousin.” You stayed silent not knowing what to say.

He let out a humourless laugh, “You don’t have anything to say. Why am I shocked?” He ran his hand through his hair and took a step towards you.

“Fine then let me talk. Let me tell you about how you fucked me up, how for the past month I’ve been trying to figure out what I did wrong to have you block me, to have you kick me out of your life so easily. What did I do that was so wrong.” His voice broke on the last word as tears began to trail down his face. You were frozen in your spot, your hands shaking at your side.

Everything that you’d wanted to say, everything you’d thought to say out your head. You watched as he broke down in front of you, your heartbreaking with each tear that ran down his cheek. Slowly you raised your hand taking a step closer to him, you hesitated only for a second before pulling him to you.

“Nothing. You did nothing wrong. I'm the one that fucked up. I'm the one that ran away, and I’m the one that is so sorry. I'm so sorry for everything Jaehyun.” His arms wrapped around your body pulling you into him, his hands fisting at the back fabric of your coat.

“I was scared, scared about everything. Scared that it would all only hurt us more in the end. I was trying to make it easier.” This time your voice cracked as you began to cry. His arms tightened around you.

“I'm so sorry, I’m so stupid. I ran away and I’m so sorry.” It was hard for you to talk through your tears. You tried to calm down by taking in breaths of air. You needed to stop crying. “Please forgive me.”

You looked up at him, his eyes were red from his tears that had stopped. His eyes softened as they took in your face. He didn’t say anything to you just moved his face to yours, softly pressing his lips against yours.

“Let me make it up to you.” You said pulling away from his lips.

You pulled him into your apartment, taking your coat off and throwing it onto your couch. Prompting him to do the same. You grabbed his hand once his coat was off and pulled him into your bedroom. Your mouth returning to his as soon as you closed the door. The kiss was slow and soft, both of you taking each other in. Pulling away from him you looked at his face, his brown eyes dark you were sure you reflected the same desire back to him that you saw. Pressing your lips back to his you let your hands trail down his chest as his stayed planted on your waist. Weaving your hand under his shirt you raked your cold fingers ups his abs earning a shiver from him. You smiled pulling away from him and pulled his shirt up over his head and tossed it aside.

Your breath hitched as you took in the sight of his bare torso, pressing yourself back to him you pressed an open-mouthed kiss to his jaw, softly sinking your teeth into the same spot before sucking the skin into your mouth. Jaehyun moaned, his hands moving up the back of your t-shirt pulling you against him. You could feel his member hard and pressed against you in-between the both of you.

Licking the spot to soothe the sting you pressed a kiss to the slowly darkening mark, before moving further down. You kissed down his chest, softly pressing your lips against his hot skin. You marvelled in the way his breathing became shallow as you moved onto your knees. Hooking your fingers into the buttons of his jeans you undid them pulled them down along with his boxers. You pushed him back towards your bed letting him step out the articles of clothing and sit down as you slowly wrapped your hand around his throbbing cock. He was already so hard. You looked up at him as you slowly moved your hand down before licking the tip, wiping away the moisture that had gathered there.

He groaned at your action, his eyes locked with yours as you made your way down his dick kissing down the underside towards his balls before sticking your tongue out and licking back up to his tip. His cock twitched in your hand as you wrapped your lips around his head. One of his hands twisted into the back of your hair softly grabbing your locks.

Jaehyun’s head fell back as you moved him further into your mouth, you went slow letting yourself feel each vein with your tongue as you fit him into your mouth. Soft moans spilled from him, flowing towards you as you begin to move him in and out of your mouth, using your hand to massage the rest of him that you couldn’t fit into your mouth.

A soft growl fell from his lips as he pulled you off him.

“You can finish that some other time.” He said, yanking you up into his lap you straddled him, as he kissed you roughly his tongue entering your mouth and quickly meeting yours. You moaned into him as his hands moved under your shirt one hand unclasping your bra.

“Fuck.” he cursed pulling away from you before pulling your shirt off and throwing it across the room. He tangled his hand in the hair at the back of your head again pulling you towards him to press his mouth to yours as you let your bra fall off and tossed it onto the ground. The thumb of his other hand drawing circles at your hip.

He stood up taking you with him, not breaking the kiss as he did. You groaned as his dick pressed against your clothed core, causing heat to rush through you. He tossed you onto the bed before quickly following you.

“I’m so fucked.” He said before pressing his lips into your neck, sucking the skin as you had done before on him. You moaned letting your hand fly to the back of his head as he moved down towards your chest, leaving open-mouthed kissed until he got your breast.

He lifted his head from you and stared at you, his eyes almost black with lust. Your breathing was laboured as he smirked at you before returning his mouth to your nipple. He harshly sucked it into his mouth pulling it up between his teeth. You let out a breathy moan, his name flowing out of your mouth, as your chest arched off the bed following his mouth. He laughed before letting your nipple pop out of his mouth and pushed up you back into the mattress before kissing over to your other breast copying his action before moving his kisses down your stomach.

You writhed under him as his mouth got closer to where you wanted him. Hooking his fingers into your legging he pulled them down leaving you in only your panties. He looked up at you before looking back down at your covered core. Your cheeks reddened as he smiled.

“Your so wet baby, you soaked through your panties.” His voice was thick with lust, his face showing on full display his desire for you.

“For you,” you panted back, as he pressed a finger to you over your panties.

“For me.” He whispered to himself before pulling your underwear down. He hovered his face over your clit, you could feel his breath teasing you. Bucking your hips towards him wanting him to do something already. You snaked your hand down to his hair.

“Please.” You whined pushing yourself up towards him again. He chuckled, taking your hand from his hair. He held it at your stomach pushing you down back to the bed before he ran his tongue up your slit. Your eyes closed shut as your loud moans filled the room. He repeated the action before taking your clit into his mouth sucking on the swollen nub.

“Jaehyun.” You whined moving your other hand to his hair only for him to grab it and hold it down next to your other one. You whined trying to move your hips but being unable to as he held you down. You couldn’t take it anymore. You needed him now.

“Baby please, you can finish that some other time.” You said stealing his words from earlier. “I need you.” He pulled back from you, his mouth covered in you. He let go of your hands letting you loop them around his neck as you pulled him back up to you. Immediately pressing your lips against his in a heated kiss, you tasted yourself on his tongue.

A deep moan fell from your lips as he slipped his cock between your folds slowly moving so that the tip was hitting your clit. His hand wrapped around your head weaving into the hair at the top as the other one knotted into the sheets next to your head.

He pressed his forehead against yours closing his eyes as he continued to repeat his action savouring the breathy moans that fell from your open mouth.

“Please.” You whined when you had as much as you could take, “I need you. Please.” You begged.

His breathing mirrored your own, harsh shared breaths as he lined himself up at your entrance, slowly pushing himself in. Your eyes fell shut at the stretch, you clenched around him as he took his time sliding into you taking in the feeling of your tight walls around him.

“Fuck,” He muttered against your mouth followed by a soft moan as he bottomed out. You both breathed heavily as he stayed still, agonizing seconds passed before he pulled back again before spanning his hips back to you. Your head twisted to the side as he picked up his pace. He bit into the soft skin of your jaw as he moved in and out of you.

The sound of his skin slapping against yours filled the room along with your moans, overwhelming your mind as he fucked you into a daze. You drowned in your head with every snap of his hips, you could feel him hitting your g-spot with each thrust pushing you closer you climax.

Sweat dotted his forehead as his thrusts sped up, throwing you off the edge into the depths. Your back arched off the bed, your chest pressing against his as he took your lips up with his swiping his tongue against yours mirroring the action of his hips as he thrust into you harsher chasing after his release. You moaned his name but it sounded far off to your ears as you shook underneath him. Your walls clenching around his cock, finally his dick twitched and he came spilling himself into you. A loud moan leaving him followed by heavy breathing as he looked down at you. He let his head fall into the crook of your neck as you both came down from your highs.

“I’m so fucked,” He whispered to you. “Don’t run away from me again Y/N. I won’t be able to take it again.” He said and pressed a kiss to your shoulder.

“I’m not going anywhere Jaehyun.” You said stroking his back with your hand.

“Good because, Y/N, I really like you.” You turned your head to him, his eyes meeting yours as you did. You could see the emotion in his eyes, you could see the truth behind his words, the real words he’d wanted to say.

“I really like you too, Jaehyun.” You said, also keeping the grander emotion with you. For now. You had plenty of time to say it to him. To hear it from him, because you weren’t going anywhere, but the three words rattled around your brain, your heart your entire being as you looked at him before pressing your lips against his.

I love you.

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sneakydraws · 2 years

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hi!! if I'm not mistaken you can speak Polish (or you're Polish idk I don't want to assume I just remember you posted something about Krakow and...strajk kobiet (sorry idk how to say it in eng) I wanted to hear your opinion on polish voice actors in encanto!! I know a lot of folks doesn't like Mirabel's voice but imo it's okay, and yeah....just a silly question

No yeah ur right I am polish! i'm afraid i only watched the film in english though, sorry :P HOWEVER i DID obsessively listen to we dont talk about bruno in just about every language available, so as a humble substitute i can give you my thoughts on the polish version of the song

elephant in the room, this is like the only version that changes the word 'bruno' around to fit with the grammar... i can't really blame them, polish is HARD and 'no, no, no' would not have worked so they had to change it to 'nie, nie, nie' but still... sounds jarring as hell lmao

Pepa and felix's part is good, i like their voices! I feel like almost every language gets pepa right haha probably cuz she's so dramatic

Lecz przyszedł on z tym uśmieszkiem jak gnom

But he arrived, with that smirk like a gnome

HELLO? LMFAO was there REALLY no better way to phrase that !!!! jkrgef

On powiedział: "Będzie lać" / I mózg aż mi się zaczął grzać

He said "It's gonna rain" / And my brain started heating up

There isn't that direct correlation between rain and her brain that most versions have, but still, it works nicely. The image of pepa's brain overheating with smoke coming out of her ears is absolutely fitting lmao

Ej, hola, mam parasola

I don't even know how to translate this lol it's like "Hey, hey, I have an umbrella" but the grammar is all wrong. Ew

They did my girl dolores DIRTYYYY her voice sounds really strained and the singer is clearly struggling to say all the words. Can't really blame them tho, her verse is the hardest shit in the world to translate well :') English has so many one or two syllable words...

Bałam się go od małego i do dziś dlatego / Nie potrafię się uwolnić od bełkotu tego

I was scared of him since childhood and that's why to this day / I can't free myself from that blabber

Implication that dolores is scared of bruno himself, as opposed to the original where she seems to fear his visions (stuttering or stumbling - signs of stress/seeing something bad? that's how i interpret it at least) - bad :( i'll elaborate on this in a future comic but i actually think dolores would find it very easy to empathise with bruno.

Głos mu szeleścił, jak szeleści suchy piach

His voice rustled, like the rustling of dry sand

I couldn't think of a better translation for "szelest" but it's an onomatopoeia for things like fabric, dry leaves, sheets of paper... basically anything dry and textured, such as sand! This is actually a bomb translation, it sounds great, it fits the whispery tone, and as much as i like the more common route of implying that sand keeps falling out of bruno's clothes (the russian version is a personal favourite) or that dolores simply hears the sandfall in his room, the idea that his voice itself is like sand is VERY atmospheric and i love it.

Był ten ciężki dar źródłem zmartwień jego / Miała go rodzina cała za wyklętego

This heavy gift was the source of his worries / The whole family thought him to be cursed/cast out

I never understand why they went with "wyklęty", which generally means "cast out, banished" rather than "przeklęty" which means "cursed"? These lines sound terrible, especially the way she drags out "za-a" but like i said, i can't blame the translators, it's a tall order...

(side note, i should shout out the grammatical wizardry the translators have to resort to in order to make these syllables/rhymes work... polish is a very flexible language in that regard (FUCK YOU FRENCH) so they can get away with moving the words around a lot! for example, if i were to translate word for word, this verse would read more like "Was this heavy gift the source of worries his / Thought him the family whole banished". in english this sounds like yoda speak, but in polish it's totally correct, if a little artsy!)

Camilo sounds a little too dramatic, could have used a bit more subtlety... But it's not bad I suppose.

Wysoki jak dąb, śliskim szczurom brat

Tall as an oak, brother to slippery rats

As an ex-rat owner and rat lover i object to this slander, but other than that, solid translation! I like how seemingly no one except russia was willing to actually translate '7 feet' to meters ahaha

Jego głosu ton zaczerni ci świat

The tone of his voice will blacken your world

Terrible, it doesn't mean anything AND i always find it difficult to even hear the first three words. They could have looked for different concepts here, not every translation chose to directly reference the "fading to black" part!

Wywróżył mi mojej rybki nagły zgon!

He foretold me the sudden death of my fish!

I respect any translation that doesn't keep the weird structure of the original, with the final word being an entire sentence. Aside from that, I find myself appreciating the choice of the word "wywróżyć", which has a very cool, magical vibe!

Wywróżył mi wielki brzuch i jestem jak słoń!

He foretold me a gigantic belly and I am like an elephant

No comment

Wywróżył mi, że wyłysieję, skąd to wiedział, no skąd?

He foretold me I'd go bald, how did he know it, I ask you, how?

Loose translation of that final sentence, but I think it gets across the vibe of it - I really like how it sells both the priest's desperation and the fear and confusion the townspeople feel toward bruno's visions. Like, he should KNOW how bruno knew he'd go bald, it's his gift to see the future, duh, but despite that knowledge he can't help but suspect that bruno somehow caused it. Speaking of which...

Ratunku nie ma, gdy coś przepowie on!

There is no rescue, once he foretells something!

This is actually deadass my favourite version of this lyric! Firstly, the grammatical subject is HE, bruno, not his prophecy or your fate - this shows how the villagers are pinning the blame on HIM and not just the concept of the future or even his gift. Secondly, this point is emphasised even further because the word "he" ("on") falls on the accented last syllable. Lastly, this is present to some extent in most languages, but it preserves that lovely ambiguity as to whether his prophecies simply SEE the future or somehow CAUSE it. side note, for a while, relying on my broken ass french, i thought the italian version went hard on that second interpretation... that would have been so cool rip

I really like isabela's voice! And since anon asked about mirabel (though i assume the singing voice is a different person than the speaking voice?) i did think it was very faithful with regards to the original!

On mi mówił, że moc, którą mam / Wzrośnie tak jak drzew rosną pnie

He told me the power I have / Would grow as tree trunks grow

I saw someone point out that the original line specifically avoids the mention of flowers, and I like that it's preserved here!

Mariano idzie, ciszej bądź

Mariano's coming, quiet down

Why is abuela telling them to shut the fuck up TT0TT it is kinda funny ngl

On mi mówił że z tym o kim śnię / Nie mam szans związać się, / Że weźmie go inna

He told me that with he whom I dream of / I have no chances of getting together / That another one will take him

This is one of the translations that for some reason explicitly have bruno's vision contradict reality? i mean you could argue that he only saw a glimpse (for example, mariano proposing to isabela) and misinterpreted it, but still. the original version is pretty careful to remain technically true, what with "betrothed to another"

Isabela, do ciebie ktoś

Isabela, someone's here to see you

AHAHA i love hearing this line in different versions, seeing the different flavours of camilo's sass. He's such a little shit here

Źle że wspomniałam o Brunie

It's bad I mentioned Bruno

And unfortunately we finish off really weakly with the last new line... rip. What a let down

#encanto #i hope this was fun to read lmfao it really was just an excuse to dump my translation thoughts #since i doubt anyone irl could bear to listen to this anymore #OH YEAH ALSO the fact that you remember my mention of krk and strajk kobiet..... ur a longtime fan arent u damn #either that or u dug thru a lot of my archive #either way. respect #ALSO while im on the topic of translations can i point out how russia seems to always go just a little bit above and beyond??#like i might be mistaken but i think its the only version that adds distance/reverb to camilo's voice as mirabel is falling through the flo #or #also another shoutout: 's'il prononce ton nom / c'est pas d'chance pour toi' SOUNDS AMAZINGGGGG #same with 'rit quand tu cris' like normally i hate that all the singular verbs sound the fucking same but here it works sooooo well ahaha

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ernmark · 3 years

Text

One Possible Read of The Green Knight

I say one possible, because this is the story as I understood it as I was watching the film. When I mentioned it to my partner, he didn't take that away. I'm not saying my take on it is right or wrong (I think it's hard to say that about most reads for a movie like this), but I submit it for your consideration.

(Spoilers and a fairly thorough plot summary under the cut)

(Holy moly this got long)

A brief caveat:

Caveat the First: I'm basing this off a pre-existing understanding of medieval stories, which don't necessarily follow the same narrative structures as modern ones. The world they lived in was weird, so sometimes weird shit just happened for no reason, often very conveniently. (If anything, I think this movie did less of that than existed in typical medieval stories.) They also heavily relied on archetypes rather than distinct characters with backstories, as well as a pre-established understanding of the story you're listening to. Like the puppet show that shows up in the story, the kids in the audience had already heard the story enough times that they could follow it without any actual words. On that note, I've also read a version of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.

Caveat the Second: I immediately distrust anybody who talks about any story older than three centuries or so having an "original" version. There are some stories that have distinct authors, but often these stories were retold and rewritten to suit the tastes of their latest audience. So I refer to the version I read, not "the original". I take my reading of that story into my interpretation of what I saw. I'll note the details from the version I read where it's relevant.

The Story

We start with Gawain, King Arthur's nephew, waking up in a brothel with his sex worker lady friend. She sends him on his way back home to Camelot where his mother greets him and kindly asks him where he's been all night. Oh, off at Christmas Mass, naturally, is what he tells her. She counters that clearly he's been drinking all the communion wine, because she can smell it on his breath.

She tells him she's not feeling well, so he should go to the Christmas celebration without her and tell her all about it afterward.

[I don't recall hearing her name in the movie, but in the version I read, the Green Knight is sent by Morgana. Between his mother being described in dialogue as Arthur's sister and a known witch, I'm gonna run with that assumption and call her that.]

This is where my reading diverges: I take all of this as being almost entirely Morgana's story. And from her perspective, it's kind of hilarious. Because this isn't the story of Gawain's journey into Manhood, but of a very frustrated mother's attempts to save her beloved (if disappointing) son.

While Gawain is partying with the sickly King Arthur and the knights of the Round Table, Morgana joins three of her fellow witches and they enact a spell, summoning the Green Knight and a very specifically worded challenge. The Green Knight presents a game: any one person in attendance may injure him and get his badass axe as a prize, but in a year exactly he'll have to go to the Green Knight's chapel and allow the Green Knight to return the exact same blow to him.

Arthur says he wants to do it, but acknowledges he's too sickly to do so. Gawain, already embarrassed once at this party, jumps up and volunteers to be his champion. And when he steps into the ring with the Green Knight, he cuts off his opponent's head. He'd think that was the end of it, but the Green Knight just picks up his severed head, reminds him of the deal to bring the axe back and let himself get beheaded in a year, and leaves.

[In the version I read, this was a ploy on Morgana's part just to freak out Guinevere. Seriously, that was the entirety of it. Just fucking with her rival/sister-in-law.]

In the movie, I got the vibe that Gawain was never meant to be in the line of fire. I suspect that either Arthur or one of his knights was meant to be the Green Knight's opponent, who would die after a year to get his affairs in order. Given that Gawain was Arthur's next-of-kin, that would have given him plenty of time to pass the crown to Morgana's beloved son. Unfortunately, Gawain stepping up messed up her whole plan.

During the intervening year, we see Morgana and the other witches working together to weave the Girdle of Invulnerability. As the name suggests, it's laden with magic to protect him from all harm and all blows from anyone. So long as he wears it, she explains, he'll make it home in one piece.

[In the version I read, the girdle is given to him by another woman later on at a weirdly convenient time. More on that later.]

Gawain barely makes it out when he asks directions from a young man looting the corpses on a recent battlefield. Being the idiot that he is, Gawain takes the young man's directions straight into a trap, where the young man and several other bandits are lying in wait. Despite his mother's assurances that he's invulnerable, he stands down immediately, allowing the bandits to take the Green Knight's axe, his Magic Girdle, all his money, all his supplies, etc.

During all this, three things happen: first, we see A Fox. Second, when the bandit takes the axe he goes all weird and runs off on the horse, forcing the other bandits to chase after him and leaving Gawain unobserved. Third, we get a weird vision of the future where Gawain remains where he is, tied up, until he rots away and he's left nothing but a skeleton.

My read is that The Fox is either Morgana or one of the other witches shapeshifted to keep an eye on him (alternatively, the fox is Reynard or a similar magical creature employed by them for the same purpose.) The Fox then enchants the bandit into running off with the Girdle and the Axe, leaving Gawain relatively safe. And when he fails to do anything with this spectacular opportunity, the Fox gives him the vision of what's gonna happen to him if he just waits around to be rescued.

Prompted to action, Gawain manages to free himself and continues his quest on foot. Eventually he comes across an abandoned manor. Inside, he meets a ghost who asks him to retrieve her severed head, which was thrown into the nearby spring. After some hemming and hawing, he does. When he returns to the surface with the woman's skull, the ghost is gone, but the Fox is watching him.

My take is that the ghost disappeared. They do that. The Fox, being sent to watch him, saw him actually step up and do a brave and selfless thing for once. This is what cements to the Fox that Gawain isn't a perennial fuckup, he's able to grow and mature if he's given the chance.

Gawain returns the skull to the rest of the ghost's skeleton, and he's rewarded by regaining his lost axe. (The axe placed there by the Fox, who took it from the enchanted bandit.)

So this is great, right? Gawain's fuck-upery has been cured and he's doing the responsible thing. Yay, right?

Except he's a fuckup who spends more time drinking and hanging out in brothels than doing Knightly stuff, so he doesn't know basics. Like how to start a fire or get food. Offscreen, Morgana must have been bashing her head into a wall, because her beloved son is going to get himself killed.

The Fox appears to him, and after his initial attempt to drive it off, Gawain lets it stay with him. From this point forward it stays by his side, not-so-subtly giving him directions and keeping him generally safe.

Later we meet some giants, because sometimes there are just giants. We don't question these things in Arthurian fantasy. Gawain asks them to give him a ride to his destination, but when one agrees to help him, he freaks out at the last second and refuses. The Fox speaks to the giant, quite possibly apologizing for its very rude human friend, and the giants go on their way without him.

Gawain is most of the way there by now, but it's late December in Wales, he's super cold and hasn't eaten anything but trippy mushrooms, he can't build a fire, he's been walking for days. He collapses, but the Fox urges him to go a little further and leads him to another manor house. Fortunately for him, this manor has living people in it, who clean him up, put him in a warm bed, and give him food.

We get a dreamy scene where he's being tended by his mother before he wakes up in the care of the manor. My read on it was that this manor and the people in it were sent directly by Morgana to save him. I don't think the manor was even there ten seconds before he collapsed the first time. Because Morgana loves her son, but he is REALLY bad at this.

Notably, it seems that the only people here are the Lord and Lady of the manor, as well as a blind old woman who seems to be the lady's maidservant and/or mother? Hard to tell.

Some flirting happens between Gawain and the Lord and Lady. The Lord of the manor explains that conveniently, Gawain's destination is only one day's walk away and he's several days early, so why not take some time to rest and gather his strength. The Lady shows off her library and her fancy daguerreotype-like mechanism, etc. The Lord suggests another game (mirroring the game presented by the Green Knight) : the Lord will go hunting the next day and give Gawain whatever he catches. Gawain will in return give the Lord whatever he gains throughout the day.

[In the version I read, this happens over the course of three days. Each day the Lord leaves, the Lady tries to seduce Gawain but he refuses, only accepting a kiss from her on the first two days; when the Lord returns with a hunted animal each day, Gawain gives him the kiss that the Lady gave him. On the third day, the Lady also gives Gawain a previously-unmentioned enchanted Girdle of Invincibility, which he neglects to pass along to the Lord, opting just to kiss him instead.]

In the movie, this is condensed into only one day. Gawain wakes up with the Lady creepily watching him sleep, wearing the Girdle of Invincibility that Morgana made for him. She invites him into bed and offers him the Girdle, reminding him that it can render him invincible. The scene gets a bit weird after that-- sex acts of some sort ensue, and the Lady walks away, leaving Gawain with post-coital shame and the Girdle.

Upset, Gawain grabs his stuff and makes to leave. Along the way he runs into the Lord in the middle of his hunt, and he declares that he's going to meet the Green Knight a day early. Citing their game, the Lord presents Gawain with The Fox (who is alive despite having been caught by a hunter, hmmm) and requests Gawain's "winnings" in return-- which he claims by stealing a kiss. I dunno about you, but it seemed to me that Gawain was Into It, at least before he remembers to be freaked out and runs off.

He's nearly at the place where he's to meet the Green Knight when the fox stops him. Now it starts talking, its voice shifting from masculine to feminine. It tells him that he's done a great job, and he can turn back right now and go home and nobody will know but the two of them. He doesn't have to go through with this. But Gawain, determined to fulfil his quest, drives the Fox off once again and goes the last bit alone.

Here he meets the Green Knight in the ruins of an old chapel, though because he's early the Green Knight is little more than a statue, awake but unmoving until the appointed Christmas Day. All the while Gawain just has to sit there and stew in the knowledge that he's gonna die. Finally the Green Knight stirs, asks Gawain if he's ready to die, and readies the axe that Gawain returned to him.

Throughout this, the light hits the Green Knight differently, making him look an awful lot like the Lord of the manor. After Gawain flinches away from the axe the first time, he speaks gently to him, almost tenderly.

[In the version I read, the Green Knight and the Lord of the manor are the same person, and the Lord/Knight is aware of Gawain's magic Girdle, because this was all an elaborate ruse. Because of Gawain's invincibility, the Green Knight only scratches his neck, permanently scarring him as punishment for lying about it and cheating in both their games, but doesn't hold it against him. Gawain then returns to Camelot and they keep the Girdle at the round table as a symbol that all of them have their failings.]

In the movie, Gawain flinches one more time. We then get a second very lengthy vision of an alternate future: Gawain flees the Green Knight and returns home, where he's welcomed back without external consequences. However, he's haunted by his own cowardice, giving up a difficult love in favor of living up to expectation, only to lose everything in the end anyway. His life following the cowardly route was longer, but it wasn't a better life.

He stops the Green Knight one last time, only to remove the Girdle and set it aside before declaring himself ready. The Green Knight is genuinely pleased by this, and he leans in and simply traces a finger over Gawain's throat, before happily saying. "Off with your head."

The movie ends there. Whether the Green Knight leaves him alive or kills him is up for interpretation. But even if the Green Knight wasn't on Morgana's payroll, I feel like he's way too fond of Gawain to do him real harm at this point.

And so Gawain has grown up-- he's brave, he's honorable, he's learned to keep his word and face the consequences of his actions. And Morgana, after some major struggles and a lot of called-in favors, has managed to keep her son from dying on his quest. Victory all around.

There's also an after-credits scene: just a little girl playing with Arthur/Gawain's crown. Notably, this little girl is neither of the children Gawain had in his vision of the cowardly future, so I interpreted it as a new future with a new child with potential all their own.

But that's just my take.

#gawain and the green knight #the green knight #arthuriana

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