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butwhatifidothis · 3 years

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Shortened Lifespan: Edelgard vs Lysithea

Now, technically, I’ve already made a post like this before, but I wanted it to be it’s own thing (brought about by a mutual tagging a post of mine and me wanting to go more into depth with it lol).

It’s been very widely accepted by the fandom that Edelgard and Lysithea both go through the expectation of living a shortened life due to the blood experiments done to them, with this partly being used as part of the defense/reasoning for Edelgard going to war instead of doing something more peaceful. She thinks she’s on a timer, like Lysithea, so she hard-starts change to work around her short-lived clock. Makes sense, on the surface.

But like I’ve mentioned on here before, I personally just can’t buy it. Nothing besides the immediate connection of “Edelgard and Lysithea both went through experimentation” suggests that Edelgard has the same shortened lifespan that Lysithea is suffering through.

More under the cut

One thing that immediately stands out, to me, are the differences between their stat spreads and growths (focusing on stats on this post).

Here are Edelgard’s (note: Statues not applied - add five to the stats if you want the true max values):

They are extremely good, especially for a default armor unit. Str and especially Mag are very high, average Dex and Spd (though notably good for an armor unit), good Def, amazing Charm. Her Luck and Res are the only things that are even kinda bad - it’d more accurate to say they’re below average, tho again, 47 Res on an armor unit is fairly high. In fact, of the units that lean towards armor, Edelgard has the highest Res, and even beats out some units that aren’t armor-leaning such as Claude and Felix. Even her seemingly low HP (for an armor) is mitigated by the fact that it’s still some of the highest for a female unit overall (the fifth highest, beat out by Petra, Rhea, Manuela, and Hilda)

What are Lysithea’s, in contrast? (blacked out everyone above her for easier reading):

...Uh. Yeah. In contrast to Edelgard’s far more even spread, Lysithea’s are skewed to fuck. The best Mag in the game and the second highest Dex (losing only to Claude’s 89), and some nice Spd, sure, but everything else takes an extremely large hit. 48 HP is the lowest in the game, pitiful Str and Def, and mediocre Luck, Res, and Charm. This girl is held together by toothpicks, Elmer’s glue, and God’s mercy.

So right off the bat, there’s a huge difference between the two of them in this regard, but I decided to go even further; just how off are Lysithea’s stats, actually? Some things make sense, like low Str and Def, so how different is she compared to others in her class type (magic users).

The magic users of the following factions have the Str stat underlined. First, BE:

BL:

GD:

CoS:

From what we can see, 30 Str isn’t actually out of the norm for a female magic user. The outliers are Rhea and Manuela with their Str in the low 50′s being not just the highest of the women, but of all the main magic users period, though part of that could be contributed to their age (vs Hanneman who is both older - in terms of physical age at least - and who does not focus on physical strength like someone like Gilbert) (Rhea being an older Nabatean could also attribute to this - notice Seteth’s stat spread which also has notably high Mag for a Wyvern Rider unit and Flayn’s, who is younger and who also had only recently woken from a centuries long sleep that she fell into after nearly dying, more odd spread). Following them for the women is Annette, who as we know lugs around a giant axe (Crusher’s weight is 11, making it heavier than most swords and bows and a good few lances - fun fact, it’s heavier than Areadbhar!) which likely lends to her having above average Str for her gender and unit type combination

Now, here’s the fun part: let’s look at the same unit’s Res stats

BE:

BL:

GD:

CoS:

Here’s where an interesting pattern shows up that’s fairly consistent: if a magic unit has bad Str, they have good/great Res to compensate, and vice versa. Annette’s above average Str (remember, for what she is) coincides with her bad Res, same as Manuela’s, and all the magic units with their ass Str have at least a respectable Res to go along with it. The only ones who break this rule are Rhea, due to her Str and Mag being fairly even with a lean towards magic (and also not being playable lol)... and Lysithea. Who has both a shit Str and shit Res stat. Even amongst her magical peers, Lysithea still stands out as particularly fragile and physically weak.

HOWEVER

Do note, for all of the above in terms of going over stats, that they aren’t necessarily the best indicator of anything in particular when it comes to a character; there is no version of me in the multiverse that will ever believe Manuela is stronger than Rhea or that Lorenz has the same amount of stamina as Dimitri, for example. But it is something to note when looking at Edelgard and Lysithea, due to them going through the same experiments and yet one is very clearly doing better in terms of damn near everything and the other very clearly lagging behind in damn near everything

Moving on, we have their Banes and Boons. Edelgard’s Boons are Axes, Swords, Heavy Armor, and Authority, with Banes in Faith and Bows. Of note, Edelgard will say in a Study Request that she believes it is her specifically having two Crests that allows her to be able to shrug on armor like it’s nothing, and her defaulting to an armor class with an axe as her default weapon makes her the literal heaviest she could theoretically be. On top of that, her Banes point to nothing about her physical health hindering her ability to do physically laborious feats.

Lysithea, on the other hand, has Boons in Faith, Reason, and Authority, with Banes in Swords, Lances, Axes, Heavy Armor, as well as Clearing Rubble as a Group Task activity. She has a budding talent in Swords - the lightest of the weapons she’s bad at and some of the lightest weapons in the game - that gives her access to a Combat Art that lets her use something other than Str to give Mt to her sword-based attack. Lysithea, in terms of Banes and Boons when compared to Edelgard (or anyone, really), is very clearly unable to do physically demanding things very well - it’s something she’s actively bad at doing and is a consistent fact about her that crops up in not just her stats and Banes and Boons, but also her supports. Edelgard’s situation is the same.

Edelgard has her supports with Ferdinand, as well as Ferdinand’s supports with Byleth, that showcase her being exceptionally good at combat in terms of physical fighting (as in, no magic, and having a talent in doing feats that would require a good amount of stamina). She beats Ferdinand in combat with one strike, and she is able to take on a Demonic Beast by herself while still fresh in the academy. There are no mentions of her being winded or tired from fighting, and she is more than once praised for her battle prowess.

Lysithea, meanwhile, has at least three supports (Byleth, Lorenz, Cyril) that indicate less than stellar stamina, health, and strength (she straight up faints in Byleth’s supports). While characters looking out for her health can maybe be somewhat attributed to her being one of the youngest students in the cast, the difference between and, say, Cyril, who’s even younger than her, is that she genuinely shows signs of ill health when she pushes herself too far, vs Cyril who is fine even with how much he works. When talking about her prowess in battle it is only ever in regards to her magical capabilities, not anything else, and she is seen constantly working on those capabilities.

And then lastly, there are their endings.

Edelgard has no endings that mention needing to be rid of her Crests - save one, which will be looked at in a bit. In particular, she has an ending with Hubert that indicates she lives on to her “later years,” which is usually attributed to a fairly old age. It is not, in this case, referring to Edelgard’s specific later years (for example, a person who lives to 30 can say their mid-twenties was the later years of their life), because it specifically says that she and Hubert live to their later years, which more likely points towards a longer life.

Lysithea in contrast has multiple endings that either has her and/or her lover actively looking for means to get rid of Lysithea’s Crests, or explicitly say that she dies young. There’s... not much more to add to that lmao

But! There is one ending with Edelgard that mentions her getting rid of her Crests, and it even says they restore her lost time! That’s proof positive, isn’t it?

Well, funnily enough, this is her ending with Lysithea that mentions this, and it... appears to be straight up incorrectly translated. As has been pointed out by others, the JPN ending doesn’t specifically mention restoring their lifespans, it simply says Edelgard and Lysithea “discovered a way to exchange the crest’s power for the restoration of a lost lifespan.” While, if we look at the surface level “Edelgard and Lysithea both had Crests implanted into them” similarity, it makes sense to attribute this restoration to the both of them, looking at everything else leans towards this statement mostly being for Lysithea. Which, given that this is the only ending - or really, the only place period - Edelgard has that even mentions her wanting to be rid of her Crest, let alone actively working towards it, it makes sense that this isn’t for her.

Now, all of the above isn’t directly pointing towards anything - it’s a lot of speculation, since nothing about Edelgard herself having a short life is ever explicitly said in the game. But when looking at all of the differences between Lysithea and Edelgard, when looking at how badly Lysithea stacks against everyone else vs how amazing Edelgard stacks, at how often dying young is mentioned with Lysithea vs Edelgard, at how much Lysithea focuses on her lifespan vs Edelgard, I personally just can’t believe that they’re similarly afflicted with a shortened life.

There’s almost nothing in the game to suggest that other than the one thing they have in common, which is the experiments themselves - if they do, then Edelgard simply doesn’t care as much about it as Lysithea, and/or it isn’t nearly to the extent of Lysithea, to the point where she feels no need to mention it anywhere. And this is the same character that brings up her ten dead siblings in the first support with the player character, so something as big as “oh yeah and I’m going to die relatively soon and young” feels like something she would similarly mention as something one should know about her, which she doesn’t. This seems, to me, to be just a popular fan theory that isn’t really all that supported in the game itself.

#Lysithea #Lysithea (fire emblem)#Edelgard #Edelgard (Fire Emblem)#exqueuese me princess #can this be considered meta?#to be 100% clear: this is my opinion based on what's in the game #all good if you don't agree!

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solena2 · 3 years

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So.

Tommy isn’t Theseus. Every time I see Techno’s analogy about Tommy being Theseus brought up I’m filled with endless rage and I’ve DECIDED!

That it’s about time I explained just why it’s so objectively incorrect.

First: a bit of backstory on Theseus, because I doubt many of you actually know much about him beyond what Techno said in his “so you want to be a hero” speech, which left out a lot of relevant details.

Theseus was a demigod with two fathers and one mother. His fathers were king Aegeus of Athens and the sea god Poseidon, and his mother was Aethra, Aegeus’ wife. Aethra raised Theseus on her own, far from Athens to avoid him being assassinated.

Aegeus left him nothing but a sword with the Athenian crest and a pair of sandals, buried under a rock so no one else could get them.

When Theseus came of age, he took the sword and sandals and headed up to Athens, slaying various monsters along the way. (It pains me to abbreviate it that much, but Techno left out everything before the Minotaur so it won’t help me much in debunking his analogy.)

Once he got to Athens, he met up with his dad, chased out his stepmom Medea, (yes, that Medea) and killed some people. Then comes the relevant part.

Crete had won a war against Athens a while back, and because of this, every seven years Athens was forced to send 14 tributes to be killed by the Minotaur. (Yes, this inspired the Hunger Games)

Theseus decided he’d volunteer and kill the Minotaur, thus ending the tribute system for good and getting one over on Athens. He promised his dad that if he won, he’d come back in a ship with white sails, as opposed to the standard mourning black that signified the death of the tributes.

So he went to Crete, met king Minos and his daughters Ariadne and Phaedra, and got sent into the labyrinth. Ariadne gave him a magic ball of string that kept him from getting lost, allowing him to find the Minotaur and then safely get out afterwards, providing he could kill it.

He killed it, led his other 13 tributes out, and sailed back home. On the way, Athena told him to leave Ariadne stranded on a tiny island in the middle of the ocean, so he immediately did so, because Theseus was an asshole.

He got home, his dad committed suicide because Theseus forgot the white sails and his dad assumed he’d died, Theseus became king and married Phaedra, and then the fun began, because again, Theseus was an asshole.

First, he cheated on Phaedra with Hippolyta, queen of the Amazons, so she left and took the kids. Next, he and his other asshole friend Pirithous decided to kidnap themselves some new wives. Theseus decided on Helen of Troy, who was a child at the time, and Pirithous decided on Persephone, which resulted in both him and Theseus getting stuck in the Underworld for a while due to pissing off Hades.

Once he got back up, he killed his son for fucking his wife, which is messed up on many levels, and then left Athens because his people were rightfully not super okay with that.

Then he goes and meets Lycomedes, who throws him off a cliff.

Next, let’s talk about Techno’s speech a bit.

He starts off by accusing Tommy of being a power hungry dictator (paraphrased), before asking him if he wants to be a hero.

Then, he provides what is apparently the archetypal example of heroism, something often associated with selflessness, kindness, and generally giving at least one singular solitary fuck about other people.

Theseus! Heroic hero who does heroic things, like, uhhh *checks notes* cheating on his wife, kidnapping children with plans to forcefully marry them, leaving people alone on tiny islands with no supplies, killing his kid, etc. etc...

So we’re off to a great start.

Then, he gives a short summary of Theseus’ life and times! He skips the first part of his life completely, which is hilarious to me because it’s the only time Theseus ever did anything actually heroic or selfless, and gets straight to the meat!

“Let me tell you a story, Tommy. A story of a man called Theseus. His country was in danger, he sent himself forward! Into enemy lines. He slayed the Minotaur! And saved his city. You know what they did to him, Tommy? They exiled him. He died in disgrace, despised by his people. That’s what happens to heroes, Tommy.”

-Technoblade

So first off, he doesn’t mention... really anything other than the Minotaur and the exile, which is leaving out a lot of relevant details, like why Theseus was exiled. (You know, killing his son in cold blood?)

Second, he doesn’t give details in general. Not that he should’ve given a full telling, or anything, but I’m always surprised by the shortness of this speech when I go back and listen to it. He pretty much just gives the barest bones of an argument and expects his audience to take it at face value. (Which they do, but it’s still bad practice)

From the more accurate (if still brief) summary if Theseus’ life I’ve just given, I’m sure you can see why this might be more than a bit dubious, as an analogy. Given cc!Technoblade is literally an English major, and doubtless knows significantly more about the myth than I do, I’d imagine this was never intended to be taken at face value.

Over and over again, c!Techno proves himself to be an unreliable narrator, and over and over again, the fandom at large takes his word as gospel.

Now, as far as a more in depth argument for Tommy as Theseus goes, I will attempt to debunk that as well, because there are some genuinely good points to be made.

First of all, most people make Dream out to be the Minotaur. Given the time this speech was made, I imagine Schlatt was the intended target of that, but with latter events in mind, Dream does make much more sense.

I’d say this is honestly pretty fair, but I don’t think Tommy takes the role of Theseus in that narrative. I’d argue he’s much more analogous to the role of Ariadne, giving the tools required to defeat Dream but ultimately not doing so through his own power, but because someone chose to take those tools and make use of them. This also provides the very interesting characterization of Punz as Theseus, which is an incredibly unique take that I hope some a Punz enthusiast does something with, because I don’t know enough about his lore to make a good analysis on that.

The idea of Schlatt as the Minotaur, as was probably intended by Techno at the time, makes much more sense, though I still think other characters fit the role better. Firstly, Schlatt wasn’t killed, he died of a heart attack, and if someone had killed him I think it’s more likely to have been Wilbur or Techno who did it than Tommy, as Tommy was still very hopeful and idealistic at the time, at least compared to his character now. You could posit Tommy as Ariadne again in this situation, given he was the one to mastermind the final charge, and though I think Tommy as Ariadne is an idea that’s worth further exploration, I’d say Fundy futs the Ariadne role here much better, with him giving the spy’s diary before being effectively shunned and left out in the cold by both Pogtopia and Manburg, much like Ariadne was abandoned in the original myth.

I’d posit the Theseus in this scenario as Techno, Wilbur, or possibly Philza, as they were the ones to actually kill things in the 16th, though Techno and Wilbur’s killings were more in the metaphorical sense, taking the second life of L’manburg.

As for the exile, Tommy exile was alike to that of Theseus only in concept. Both were sent from their kingdoms for a crime, resulting in a falling out with someone close to them, and had a precarious relationship with heights while they were gone, but that’s about where the similarities end and even then they’re superficial.

First of all, Tommy’s exile was far more because Dream was looking for an excuse to do it than because briefing actually means anything on the SMP, given how Dream had been griefing bases and blaming Tommy for it for a while before it went down. (Fun fact, Bad and Skeppy were going to burn one of his discs over this, but one of them got sick so they had to cancel the stream.)

Theseus’ exile, on the other hand, was entirely deserved, especially when you consider how serious a crime killing family was in Ancient Greek culture. It was pretty much the biggest no-no in existence, and I’m almost surprised he wasn’t just straight up executed for it.

Second, Tommy’s falling out with Tubbo was almost entirely due to outside forces, (Dream) rather than because anything Tommy had done. Though Tommy’s cavalierness towards the trial and attempts to threaten Dream with Spirit doubtless didn’t help things, Dream surrounding L’manburg in obsidian walls and threatening them to exile Tommy was entirely his own choice, and not something that can be pinned on Tommy, no matter what the apologists may say.

Meanwhile, Theseus’ falling out with Phaedra had begun long before his exile with him cheating on her. Him killing his son was merely the last in a long line of dominos to completely destroy their relationship.

Last, Tommy nearly killing himself is very different from Theseus being pushed off a cliff. Tommy’s near suicide was the direct result of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of c!Dream for what was canonically, I believe, several months? (Correct me if I’m wrong on that one.) Tommy almost jumping off a pillar because he was deliberately isolated from his support systems is nothing like Theseus being killed because he was a cocky asshole who thought he was god.

So that’s why I don’t think Tommy is anything like Theseus, and why I’m filled with endless rage by the completely uncritical acceptance of this parallel, but it’s not the whole reason it pisses me off.

It also pisses me off because, as stated earlier, cc!Techno is an English major. He knew what he was doing with this. The fandom’s insistence on refusing to acknowledge his character as an unreliable narrator is, in my opinion, acting as a massive kneecap to what could be a great analysis of how he thinks.

Specifically: why does c!Technoblade think Tommy is like Theseus?

Of all the Greek heroes to pick, why that one? Was it just the tantalizing opportunity to parallel Schlatt with a horned monster, or was it because c!Techno has some genuine in-character reason to think this myth specifically applies to Tommy.

Now, we all know people in the SMP have a habit of analogizing Wilbur and Tommy. The assumption Tommy wanted to be president, the belief that Tommy nominated Tubbo directly, the belief that he was intentionally deceiving Techno about Pogtopia’s intentions regarding Manburg... all of these stem from Wilbur. There are more cases of this, of course, but several analyses have been done in the subject already, and this is long enough without more padding.

So why does Techno think Tommy is Theseus? Well, it’s simple, isn’t it?

Wilbur is Theseus.

To be continued, because this is already too long and my brain hurts.

#original post #dream smp #dream smp analysis #technoblade #tommyinnit #technoblade critical #(i guess. honestly I didn’t say much about techno himself in this but just to be safe)#dsmp #dsmp analysis #dream smp meta #dsmp meta #my writing #can you tell i don’t like Theseus much #hated to leave out his early life stuff because it’s genuinely super interesting but it wasn’t really relevant so I had to cut it :(#if you want a more detailed description of Theseus I’d recommend the rick riordan book on Greek heroes #it’s not the most scholarly work but it gives the bare bones of the myths in an accessible way that doesn’t take an English degree to read #call me a fake nerd if you want but I like the humor and digestibility #there are typos in this post and I Do Not Care

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mxvladdy · 3 years

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Ooh~ I got somewhat of an angst(/comfort -hopefully??) ficlette request!

Established relationship with Diavolo. He thinks everything is going great. Until one night MC tells him that he makes them feel inadequate.

He's so BIG (they are literally/physically so much smaller than him, man is IMPOSING) and it's not like they have demon stamina/strength. they're afraid he gets bored, or will, in time.

He is SO IMPORTANT to everyone and everything and always so busy and they're just a distraction when he could be resting between meetings or courting with the intent to make an heir and they're just a human, a pretty average one at that, can't even use their magic like Maddi or Solomon

*clutches my gay little heart* I'm weak for giant puppy boys 😢. I love this idea! Hope I did it justice! P.s-hope ya ain’t lactose intolerant like I am, cuz I got cheesy at the end lmaooooo

Edit: 6/15- Here is the link to part 2!

You feel inferior or inadequate? No, not his little Giglio.

He doesn't see at first. He is observant, sure. It comes with the territory as a prince, but he is so blind when it comes to you.

You're perfect and he wishes your relationship to be just as perfect. He can't explain why. Somewhere deep in the vacuous pits of his hearts, he yearns for your happiness.

He courts you like any demon would. Showing off his strength and magic to a maddening degree. He will lay fresh kills at your feet for you too.

It makes demons and other creatures swoon, but not a great turn-on for humans it seems. Barbatos had to pull him aside several times to remind him that too much magic could kill you, and he was tired of getting blood stains out of the wood floors.

He just wants to prove he is enough to you too. He'll do more human courting rituals as time goes on. Taking you topside to eat at human restaurants or do quaint human traditions.

Even in your realm, he can’t get away from gawking and curious humans wanting to be in his presents. He has the magnetic pull only a devil could pull off.

He doesn't notice your reluctance to be seen with him or sullen attitude till it was almost too late.

Balls are a common occurrence for him. Keeps the royal families in check, strengthens ties, or, some unfortunate times cutting them down in a show of force and warning for the rest of them.

Diavolo doesn't hate these events. They come as easy as breathing to him after centuries of doing it. But the flocking, gawking, and borderline reverent guest did get stifling. Having you on his arm made it bearable. The courtiers at least gave him some distance. Where were you anyway?

The barest flicker of black and gold muslin catches the crown prince's eye. The expensive fabric flitting around the corner of the ballroom to the restricted section. He wasn't worried. Diavolo knew that outfit and the delectable scent of his most prized jewel that wore it. You were allowed anyway you wished. Though he wished you were on his arm right about now. Ah well-

He turns back to his compatriot nodding along politely at the dull topic and takes a sip from his flute. He hums delighted by the fruity dry drink. Honestly, he wasn't sure how many of these he had had anymore. But it was just as sweet and tangy as his first glass. The bubbles ticking his nose and the liquor make his head fuzzy and his stomach hot. Mmm... He would have to complement Barbatos after this was over. His experiments were simply divine. Diavolo excuses himself from his conversation partner politely. He needed another drink if he was going to have a chat as dry as that again and survive. Fresh drink in hand he scans the massive hall for you. You should have been back by now… Odd. Perhaps you had called it a night early? He can't blame you. The redundancy and boring pushes for political power did get old fast. Smiling into his bubbling glass he has half a mind to join you. Sleeping the night away with you in his arms? Hells, he just might trade the crown for a day for a bloody break.

"May I have this dance, your highness?" A petite little incubus bowed low, wrapping his tail around his leg respectfully. Diavolo blinked up from his glass. Ah, yes. The game wasn't done yet.

It takes another three hours of dancing and glad-handing before he could finally extract himself from the ballroom. His feet were sore and swollen in their tight leather confines, his formal attire becoming itchy with sweat. He was ready for bed. No, a hot bath, tea then bed. No. A hot bath with you, tea then bed. Yes, a perfect ending to make up for a sub-par party.

Your shared quarters were dark when he entered. The smoky smell of recently snuffled candles greets him as he slips in. He frowns. The outer chambers looked to be untouched. The hearth cold and empty of ash. Your evening outfit wasn't spewn over the lounge and floor like it normally would be after a ball.

You often retired early from these parties, but you always waited for him here. Nestled up in the furs in front of the fire. A warm welcoming smile ready to greet him as he enters. "My love?" Diavolo calls out to the empty room. He winces at how loud he was. Perhaps he had indulged in his cups a bit too much.

He cocks his head listening for the sounds of running water or your cute little snores. Perhaps you had already gone to sleep? Silence greets him. He begins to panic now. Were you some elsewhere in the palace? Had some oppositional little cretin tried to harm you? He knew some at his party tonight were vying for him to go back to the old ways. Eliminating you would be a prerogative to those fools.

No, Barbatos had his eyes everywhere tonight. The complex webbing of his magic was nigh impossible to circumvent. Diavolo could feel it crawling over his skin, though the feeling was fading now that he was in his private chambers. Lucifer and his brother were ever vigilant too at these parties. As much as they bickered and annoyed his other guest they were skilled watchdogs, and keeping you safe was a top priority to all of them.

He reaches out through the shadows of his chambers searching for you frantically. His magic bleeds into every corner of his large private rooms. The vice around his chest lessens when he senses you on the private balcony. He goes to you, shrugging off his collars and chains as he moves, leaving a forgotten trail of priceless treasure behind him. "Darling," he breathes a sigh of relief seeing your silhouette in the light of his realms many moons. "Was the party not to your liking?" Diavolo flops onto your shared bed with a groan of pleasure. His feet now happy to not have his weight on them anymore. He runs his fingers through the vast expanse of cold silk. It wakes him up slightly. "Perhaps I can make it up to you? I can think of quite a few things more pleasurable than a swarm of stuffy demons."

"You’re drunk Dia." You don't move to face him. Your eyes still upcast to look at the clear evening sky.

His head lolls to the side to watch you curiously. You can feel his eyes follow the trail of your hands while you stroke at the marble railing. His family crest glistening on your finger. "No, no, not drunk. Tipsy perhaps? Or is the word ‘buzzed’ more appropriate?" He chuckles. "Perhaps you could sober me up with a kiss? You always know how to make me feel amazing."

Your breath catches at his words. A pathetic little sob escaping you. He is sober now. Instead of a warm kiss alighting his muddled thoughts to bring the world back into sharp beautiful clarity, it feels as if he had been submerged in ice. He approaches you with inhuman speed. His clawed fingers were gentle on your shoulders.

He turns you to face him. Crystalline tears were trapped in your lashes. Your cheeks were ruddy and your lips were swollen. In any other circumstance, such a visage would be a privilege to see. But these tears were cold and filled with pain. Lips red hot not by his kisses and fangs, but from nervous chewing and pulling. Your cheeks were streaked and puffy from countless hours spent alone and crying.

"Giglio mio, cosa ti affligge?" He cups your cheeks rubbing the chill away from your skin.

"Why- why do you even waste your time with me?" You hiccup.

“I don’t understand.”

You part from him, backing up to the railing. “What do you see in me?” You ask, arm raised in question. He takes in your body. You were adorned in his colors and his scent, it makes the territorial part of him rumble in satisfaction. Your delicate human flesh radiates a warmth demons could never replicate. You were small, sweet, and his. What was he missing? “What will happen when you find someone better? Someone who will- who can grow old alongside you. A demon or witch, strong and talented.”

Your wavering words don’t register with him. How could you say these things? Did you think he would allow you to grow old without him? You were his, just as he was yours, or as much as he is able of being yours. It was a laughable thought but he knew to hold his tongue. Humans always get in a tizzy about death.“I don’t-” He starts ready to brush your concerns away. The flash of his perfect teeth only angers you.

“Do not play dumb with me!” You say jabbing a finger at his bare chest. “Look at you. Think of who you are compared to me. Look at how they all cling to you, all those pretty demons and witches with something to offer you.”

Something better than me.

The words hang unspoken between you and leave him stunned. He had so much he wished to say but knew tonight was an inopportune time. Your emotions were running high, too high for him to successfully navigate. Especially in his compromised state. He would have to admit defeat tonight. “I am sorry if I have neglected you and your feelings. Please, let's go to bed. I want- I need to understand. But-”

“You’re drunk.” You repeat chuckling without humor. You wipe at your face. “I get it. We’ll talk in the morning?”

Diavolo puts a hand to his chest. “Of course. You will have all my time tomorrow.”

You wake alone the next morning, the sheets beside you cool but not made. You expected that though. He was never one to stay in bed even on the rare days off. It was the downside of his status and routine.

You rise alone and head to the bathroom, the gargantuan space was still slightly warm and steamy. Good, that means you didn’t wake up too much later than Dia. You shower quickly, washing away the grime of lasts night’s nervous breakdown. You were so embarrassed, collapsing all over Diavolo in jealous self-pity. He had more important things to deal with than some weepy human.

You need to go find him and apologies, tell him not to worry about it. You knew what being courted by him would entail. You swore up and down you could handle it, and you could. You will. This was the worst time to falter too he had some pressing deadlines and important figureheads coming around this week. Even one loose gear in his well-oiled machine could damage any number of things. You refused to be the reason he failed. Steeling yourself, you dress quickly, determined to put your new plan in motion. Apologize, promise to do better, and then hide at R.A.D until you could face him again.

It doesn’t take you long to find your demon. He had been waiting for you. You enter the den in a flurry of movement phones in hand to check with Lucifer to see where the prince might be. “Join me?” His deep baritone makes you jump in alarm. Your phone flies out of your hands to clatter loudly on the tile floor.

Diavolo sits, sprawled out on his couch. His favorite terry cloth robe is tied loosely around his broad figure. He watches you with a growing frown, his strong jaw perched on his fist. You freeze. “Please?” He offers you his free hand. You take it timidly. He grasps you firmly and lifts you effortlessly onto his lap. You rest your head on his strong chest. He smells of juniper berries and oranges. Bright, fresh, and sharp. Their combined scents mixing with his natural musk put you at ease. The clenching panic around your heart easing slightly. You eye the breakfast layout before the two of you on the low coffee table. The banquet was still untouched though you do not know how long Dia had been sitting here. You felt the tiny pulses of magic radiating off the table.

“To keep it warm,” Diavolo answers your unspoken question. He moves you in his lap so he can reach for a plate. Filling it to the brim with an assortment of pastries and warmed jams he hands it to you before filling his coffee cup. “I didn’t know how long you wished to sleep.”

You take the plate meekly. “I-thank you.” You eat in relative silence, eyes locked down on the treccia slowly disappearing on your plate. You were too nervous to look at Diavolo. “When do you have to get back to work?” You ask.

“I don’t-” He adds a hefty dollop of heavily whipped cream to his coffee. “I took the day off.” Your heart drops.

“I’m sorry.”

“Giglio.” Diavolo sighs heavily. He puts his coffee aside to cradle you. “Never be sorry for needing time.” His large hands rest over your thigh and shoulder. “I promised we would talk today, and I am nothing but a devil of my word.” He kisses your crown, his thumbs rubbing your skin comfortingly. “Tell me your worries.”

“What do you see in me?” You blurt out looking up at him. “What could you ever see in a human that you couldn’t get from someone closer to your stature?”

“You have something no other being has ever had before.” He answers effortlessly. He had thought about this time and time again in private. He had lost count of the nights spent in his study stewing over this very topic. You captivated him in a way he still couldn’t fully comprehend.

You scoff at the nonanswer. “What? A soul?”

Diavolo sucks his teeth in distaste. Your voice was so bitter. “Do you think I don’t have a soul?” He counters, smiling ruefully down at you.

“Do you?” You are genuinely curious. Satan had been very upfront with the fact that he didn’t and he was a full-blooded demon. When you had asked Barbatos he had just shrugged.

Diavolo looks wistful for a moment. Golden eyes glazing over as he gets lost in thought. “Who knows?” He admits. “Souls are a precious commodity, true. But such things mean very little to me when it comes to you. No, the thing you have is my trust. You came here with nothing and expected nothing of me but a safe and successful exchange program. There was no social climbing or cloak and daggers with you- or perhaps you are so skilled I cannot see it!” His chuckle shakes you both. “I feel as though you do not see me as just a prince, yet you still respect the title, the authority, and the customs that come along with it. You see what I have to offer and don’t ask for more than I can give you.”

“What will happen when you find that I no longer do that for you? When someone else could do it better and give you eternity along with it?” His words bring you hope, but hope did little when you knew the inevitable outcome.

“Why would I look when I am more than happy where I am?” He dodges your question. He would cross that bridge and bear that cross when you find out on your own.

“But-”

He hushes you with a flurry of kisses across your face, dipping low over you. You squeak as he dangles you precariously over the side of the leather couch. “Come, eat with me.” He says between kisses. “Enjoy a day away from the prying eyes of scorned socialites. Let me show you how devoted I am.” He releases you to pick up a piece of bruschetta. Popping it into his mouth with a groan of satisfaction he turns back to the cooling food, his jovial mood returning. You huff, flicking off a stray bit of diced tomato from his chin.

“Fine- as long as you let me help you catch up on all the work you're missing tomorrow.”

#obey me diavolo #obey me shall we date

125 notes · View notes

yoditorian · 3 years

Text

lacuna - part 9

din/reader

well shit guys,,,,this is the last one.

this has been a labour of love and i just want to say a huge huge thank you to everyone who’s commented and reblogged and sent me asks and even just lurked and read it. seriously, from the absolute bottom of my heart, thank you. i’d also love to extend a special thank you to @keeper0fthestars and @chatterbean for consistently cheering me on throughout this fic. and an extra extra special thank you to @bee-dameron for being the most incredible sounding board, and without whom this fic literally would not exist. this was really my first jump back into writing fic properly and i couldn’t be more grateful for the love its received. it might be the end for the main storyline, but it’s definitely not the end of this universe 💛

series masterlist // main masterlist

word count: 4.9k

warnings: angst angst angst, rebel is healing, din is having the worst time of his life (all of season 2), swears, yes i am referencing That Monologue

He can’t stop hearing it.

How you pleaded with him, how you begged him to stay, how you cried when he left. Din’s sure it’s a sound that’ll haunt him for the rest of his life.

Din has been staring out at the swirling lights of hyperspace for hours when the kid clambers up into his lap, his stomach lurches when he notices three little green fingers curled around a corner of your old blanket. The kid leans over to frown at the second passenger seat. Empty.

“I know, buddy. It’s my fault, I’m sorry.” His voice is wrecked, the sound of it so harsh through the modulator that even he flinches.

Din’s still not completely sure that the child understands him, but his little ears droop down at the apology and he wraps himself up as best he can in your blanket. Five minutes and you’ve charmed the little thing. Din isn’t sure why he’s surprised, you did the same to him all those years ago.

The kid settles back down to sleep in his lap, curled up in the thinning fabric, and one of Din’s gloves hits the floor before he even realises that he’s slipped it off. The wool is a little stiff with age under his fingers, but it’s been well loved. And been well loved on if his memory serves. He wonders if it smelt of him afterwards. If you spent nights curled up in it, trying to inhale the last memento you had of him before he saw you again, the same way he spent so many nights wallowing in his own memories. He used to wish he had something physical with him to keep close, the cruel irony of your forgotten blanket doesn’t go unnoticed now.

Part of him wants to bring it back. A peace offering, maybe. He wants to let you get to know the kid better, to help him on his quest to find his home. Or maybe just to stay, like you asked. But he fucked it all up. You’d probably slam the door of your little home in his face now. Honestly? He’s pretty sure it’s the least he deserves. He wouldn’t be surprised if you pulled a blaster on him with all the ways he’s hurt you.

It feels like grief. The way the sorrow settles on your chest, curling it’s cold hands around your lungs and squeezing. You hope it chokes you, if only so you don’t have to feel like this anymore. You curl up on the kitchen floor, the cold tile freezing through your clothes, and wonder if this is it.

Kes finds you there, hours after the door was slammed and the sun has set.

“Is there something wrong with me?” You can’t help but ask, you can’t help but wonder. Because even through the pain and the silence and the arguments, you still love Din. Maybe you always will. But you’re not sure it matters anymore. Kes looks at you, confused, and you press on.

“I mean, I laid out how I feel so many times and all he ever did was push it away but- but I know that if he walked in that door right now I’d let him back in.”

“I think that’s love, kiddo.” He sinks down to join you on the floor, and if the chill of the tile raises goosebumps on his arms, he doesn’t mention it.

“Love is stupid,” You pause when he shoots you a look, “No offence to you and your ridiculously happy marriage, but this sucks.”

You sound like a child, you know that. Just like you know that things with Din were always going to end the way they have. You’ve always known you came second to his creed, so much so that you can’t even bring yourself to be angry about it anymore. The alternative is to cry until you lose your voice, so childish seems like the way to go.

“What?” You huff. Kes is watching you carefully, in that pensive way that he does when he’s about to call your bluff in sabacc and take the game. Like he always does.

“I’m not sure you really think that.”

He’s right on the money yet again, the fucking asshole.

A fresh wave of tears stings your eyes. thankful at least that Kes has found a spot on the floor to look at instead of turning those big sad eyes onto you. You’re not sure you could take it. It’s frustration at yourself, mostly, instead of just the heartbreak of being left behind so willingly. So angrily. What is it about you that made the idea of sticking around so repulsive, so disgusting, that he left without a second thought. You thought he loved you, you really did. But you’ve been wrong about things before. However much you hate it.

“I can’t stay here. I can’t.”

“I know.” Kes’s eyes lift from the floor finally, settling uncertainly on yours.

“I’m sorry, it’s not that I- I want to be close to you guys but,” You flounder for a moment, desperate to think up a reason, “I just can’t be here.”

He understands, you know he does. You’ve all lost enough people, physically and emotionally, to know when a place is no longer welcoming. And you do, genuinely, love the little house on the edge of their land. You love the way the sun hits through the kitchen window in the late afternoon, you love the way you can hear the birds in the trees when you wake in the morning, you love the way any of them can drop by anytime they want to. But it’ll always be the site of the last time you loved Din, the last time he kissed you. Ground zero of your relationship. If you could even call it that.

“I’ll be alright. I’ve been without him before.”

You have, you’ve been without Din. You’ve spent years without hearing the comm you gave him so much as click. You’ll be alright. In time.

Only, there were never arguments before. All those times you left, or he left, he’d never shouted at you the way he did. You’d never felt the rage he keeps so carefully locked away, not with you in the crosshairs anyway. It sends your stomach churning, remembering the way he denied you so easily.

You eye the pouch of credits on the table, just visible over the top of Kes’s head. Why would he leave something like that behind? The Crest is falling apart, he’s got the kid to think about now, why would he forsake a payday for someone he’d so readily abandon.

The dam breaks, and your brave face along with it.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Kes shuffles over to sit closer, to draw you into his arms and let you cry it out on his shoulder. So, in turn, you let yourself feel it. Properly. Sobbing until you’re half asleep, breath hitching every now and again, and the sun starts to rise.

You don’t know why Din left the credits there, and it feels odd to think about using them when he’s the reason this house isn’t a home anymore. But he could never give you much, and despite everything you know he’s never been a heartless man intentionally, maybe this is his way of making up for that. A clean slate.

The first thing he thinks of as Din comes to, only seconds after the e-web cannon explodes in his face, is you. Of course it is.

You with your feet up beside you on the passenger seat and the child in your arms, wrapped up and snoring softly. No idea of what was coming. It’s that image that stays at the forefront of his mind, even through the pain of being dragged across the ground into the almost safety of the destroyed cantina.

That’s the view he wants, regardless of however futile it is to realise that now. Regardless of the fact that he’s dying and you’re not here. You don’t even know. Maybe you wouldn’t care if you did. He wouldn’t be surprised.

But he gave it up for what? For this? Denied himself and the kid safety and a life just for both of them to die on the grotty floor of the cantina on Nevarro. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Maybe he always has been, for refusing you at every turn, refusing to let himself give in and reassess and have the life he’s so desperately wanted with you for years now. Who is he, without his creed?

Yours. He knows that now.

There’s something profoundly wrong about you not being there as the blood trickles down the back of his neck and soaks into his clothes. As he hands off the child to the people he’s come to think of as his friends and trusts them to do the one thing he can’t.

“Take him to Yavin,” He tells them, desperately, “Find the little house at the end of the farm track.”

You’ll take care of the kid, despite everything. You’ll take him in without a question, in a heartbeat. The same way you so effortlessly ingrained Din into your life when you first met. Even if it was accidental on both sides.

Din can’t stop himself, as the IG unit lifts his helmet, from remembering the way you did the same. This feels so clinical, mechanical. There’s nothing of the warmth and reverence that had been in your touch. Even this close to death, it’s like his bones themselves are calling your name.

“What do you think?” Your voice echoes in the empty space. The smell of fresh sawdust is strong in your nose, but you don’t mind. It’s oddly comforting, as though the shop was built just for you. The sound of little footsteps pound over the upper floor and a messy mop of curls appears over the top of the railing.

“I love it. Can I live here too?” Poe grins cheekily.

“Your parents might have something to say about that, buddy.”

He thunders down the stairs beside the little back office and comes to a skidding halt in front of you, kicking up a little dust in his wake. You catch him easily, whirling him around in a circle as he laughs. The way the sound fills the space starts to stitch the edges of your heart back together. Maybe this is what you need to do, fill a new space with light and laughter and the people you love. Somewhere to exist, somewhere to grow. The workshop seems like a good place to start.

A child of The Watch.

What does that even mean?

His covert, his family, it’s- it’s not a cult. It can’t be. The way she talked about it, like even the thought left a bad taste in her mouth, sends a shot of anger down his spine. He is not a religious zealot. But, would he know if he is?

Is he?

Din’s never had cause to doubt his creed, or his covert. They saved him, rescued and raised him. They taught him to fight and to protect and to provide for the covert. Foundlings are the future, right? Would he be less, maybe, to those born on Mandalore? To people like Bo-Katan who wear the armour from generations past, who fought to defend their homeland and their clans. Din doesn’t wear ancestral armour, but has he not defended his family with his life? Ancient way or not, it seems like the kind of thing that would be important in any kind of Mandalorian culture. Traditionalist or otherwise.

No one has seen his face since he was a child. And yet, he still took off his helmet, every time, for you and believed he was breaking his creed. Sure, you never saw his face, but does that matter? Is it not the principal of the thing? Then there’s the glaring evidence that there are Mandalorians who can remove their helmets. What does that make him, if he’s neither followed the letter of the creed or whatever rules Bo-Katan has.

With the kid safely tucked away and snoring in his little hammock, Din pulls the helmet off and glares at his distorted reflection in the curve of the visor. He can feel your hands on him like you’re there, smoothing over his shoulders and curling around his waist. And as all the tension melts from his body, he knows what you’d say. That he is himself. Din Djarin, and it’s up to him what he wants that to mean. Whether it includes Mandalorian or not. Whatever he wants to be is what he is and you’d never love him less for it.

Love him.

He scoffs at himself. There’s no way you feel like that about him now.

“Can you reach right up in that corner?”

You’d let Poe pick the colour for the walls of the main attic space, and so he and his dad are flecked in bright orange paint as they swirl brushes over the wood they’d primed yesterday.

Kes has him on his shoulders, fully in charge of the high up sections as he’d so politely asked, while you and Shara are screwing together the fittings for the kitchen units. A pastel blue this time, also chosen by Poe. Although Shara had kindly guided him away from the neon purple cupboard doors that had caught his eye with a quick wink at you. Maybe giving a small child free reign over your interior decorating was a bad idea. But he’d proven to have quite an eye on some things.

The four of you had travelled all the way to an inner rim market to find your furniture, deciding on a deep red fabric couch that fit all of you comfortably and takes a considerable amount of effort to rise from. It’s been pushed back against the half wall that hides the attic living space from the workshop floor. Your bedroom furniture is brand new as well, all light polished wood and soft bedding. The credits Din had abandoned had gone a long way, almost long enough that you can forget where they came from. Sometimes.

It hits you again, cross legged on the floor as Shara hands you another piece to slot into place, that there should be an extra pair of hands. Pulling more pieces out of crates or rearranging the layout in the bedroom or hanging lampshades. It’s nice to be making this new house into a home with your family, but there’s still a gaping hole where there should be someone else.

A warm hand settles on your knee, breaking your focus from where it’s settled at the top of the staircase. Shara. You turn to her with a smile, and blink back a wave of tears when she returns it. You have your family, right here, you don’t need him. You don’t need him.

“Get down!” Shara calls, just as a shadow looms over you.

Poe’s feet swing over your heads and he laughs when Shara just misses grabbing his ankle, Kes lifting him deftly out of the way at the last second. This is what your life is supposed to be, definitely. The sound of everybody else’s laughter lifts the weight off of your shoulders just enough for you to breathe, to laugh along with them. For a little while.

Din loses everything in a matter of moments. Everything.

Methodically searching through the ashes of the Razor Crest, of the only home he had left, is the final barrier between him and the guilt about the child. About Grogu. The kid’s become his, undeniably, and he couldn’t do the one thing a father is supposed to do. Gideon has him at his mercy, has Din at his mercy now. Whatever the Moff and Dr Pershing have in store, it’s not good. The kid might not even survive.

All he can see is his little face, his little arms reaching out as the droid climbed higher and higher towards the cruiser. What kind of a father is he, to just let his son be taken from him? No man who would so willingly see the child in his care delivered to his doom deserves to be called such a thing.

Din kicks the dust at his feet in frustration, all too aware of the new eyes watching him. Grief is a difficult thing in and of itself, it’s even harder when it’s observed. He feels like an exhibit. Sure, the two of them stayed and defended the child without even being asked to, but that doesn’t mean he wants them sitting and watching as he sifts through the ruins of his life.

Fitting, really, that the one way he always thought he would keep you in his life went up in flames, exploded in much the same way your relationship did. That was his fault too.

But it’s all gone now. The Razor Crest, his home, Grogu’s bed, your old blanket. Grogu and you. Maybe for good, maybe this is his life now, he doesn’t know if he’ll ever get either of you back. Maybe he’ll launch a rescue mission only to find his son dead and hitch a ride to Yavin only to be turned away at your door. Maybe that’s what he deserves.

“Thanks!” You call as the couple stroll out of the main doors and into the sunshine, newly repaired pit droid trotting after them.

“Which one goes to this one again?” Poe catches your attention, waving the motor over his head. He’s sitting on the desk in the back office, little eyebrows furrowed in confusion. You’ve been teaching him small mechanic things here and there on his days with you. How to wire a basic console, how to program a droid, how a hyperdrive motivator works. You’d taken him out with you on a call once, so you could show him the different engine parts of a ship that his mother doesn’t treasure. Today, it’s hotwiring lessons.

Kes and Shara had pretended to disapprove when you asked them what they thought about it, and they still would if Poe was the one to bring it up. But the larger community on Yavin still sleeps far too lightly, still sleeps far too little. The kids are learning their history and their life skills, but alongside basic combat and strategy lessons. The older kids can enroll in weapons training and piloting lessons. The war will never fully leave this moon so long as it stands.

“Which one do you think?” You ask, settling down into the chair with your datapad and a mountain of forms to fill out. Poe ponders for a moment, glancing between your expectant expression and the dead motor in his hands.

“This one?” He touches the exposed wires together carefully, huffing when nothing happens.

“No, wait! This one!” The little motor whirrs to life the moment the wires make contact, and subsequently dies again when he drops it to throw his arms up in celebration. You catch it before it can hit the floor and burst into pieces, your own smile wide enough to make your cheeks ache.

You’re living. For the first time in years you’re living, without watching over your shoulder for the Empire, without wondering when you’ll see Din again. You’re spending time with your best friends’ kid and making a living as the town mechanic. You have regular customers and people who drop by just to say hi, and things don’t seem so bad anymore. Even though there’s a gap inside of you that aches and misses him, you’re starting to be at peace with it.

He doesn’t know why he was so stupid as to think the facial scan might work with the fucking helmet on. And now the terminal won’t stop beeping and he’s pretty sure people are looking over at him and there’s only one option left and- fuck it.

Din’s hands shake as he lifts the plastic helmet off, the habit of a usually much heavier one makes the movement almost too forceful, and he sets it down.

This is wrong. It feels so wrong. The first time any living being has seen his face since he was a child and it’s a room full of Imperials. The organisation that took his parents from him, that massacred whole planets and drove his people underground, that you have spent your whole life fighting against. He feels sick.

It was supposed to be you. He’s thought about it a lot, since the first time you took him to that little house on Yavin. He envisioned standing in the bedroom, curtains thrown open to soak up the last of the afternoon sun, and you’d smile at him in that way you always did. He would pull you close to press his forehead against yours, he would take your hands and bring them up to close around the lip of his helmet. He’d tell you it was okay, and you’d lift it off together. You’d smile, maybe a stray tear would linger in the corner of your eye, and you’d finally get to see him. You’d trace your fingertips along his cheekbone and press a kiss on the little spot on his jaw where the hair doesn’t grow. You’d tell him you always thought he had brown eyes. He’d tell you you’re beautiful. And then he’d kiss you, and you’d let him.

The terminal beeps again and Din pulls the drive from the port, just in time to turn and face an Imperial Officer.

Your head is in an engine hatch when you hear one of the wide metal doors at the front of the shop creak open.

“We just closed up, but you can swing by in the morning if it isn’t an emergency!” You call, and hope your voice carries to whoever is standing in your doorway. You don’t really have the time for a customer, this speeder repair is already a day late because you were watching Poe last night, but Yavin is a community.

However long it took you to get used to after being back on the station, it’s almost like being a part of the rebellion again. Everybody works together to make things a little easier for everyone else. You hear a shuffle of footsteps, slowly edging closer to you, and you’re about to call out again when they say your name.

When he says your name.

You hit your head on the hatch as you pull yourself out of it.

“No.”

You can’t do this. You can’t.

All the work you’ve done to piece your broken little heart back together starts to unravel, just seeing him standing in your workshop. Every staple and stitch and strip of tape loosens until there’s nothing left and that gap inside you, the one that sits right under your heart, starts to ache something fierce.

How dare he.

How dare he think he can walk into the one place that you have, the one place in the whole galaxy that doesn’t stink of betrayal and heartache and him. How dare he think he can disturb the life you’ve begun to build without him, however much it hurt. There are nights where you don’t think of him now. Nights where you don’t wake in the middle of dreams of his touch and his voice and his kisses. And now he’s here and all of your work was for nothing.

“Please-”

“No. No, you don’t get to do this. You don’t get to come back and undo everything. You can’t.” At least your voice is steadier than you feel, as you square your shoulders and plant your feet in a vain attempt to stay upright. Or to stop yourself running right back into his arms.

“I know.”

No, that’s what breaks the final piece of your heart off. The heart that belongs to him anyway. It always has, even when you didn’t want it to. He sounds so broken.

“Did you leave the baby on the ship again?”

You don’t miss the way his shoulders tighten, just barely, or how his fingers twitch nervously.

“The ship’s gone. So is- so is the kid,” Din takes a shuddering breath, “I lost everything.”

Everything? What does that even mean? Your stomach flips at the thought of what he might mean, that the kid is gone. You’re almost afraid to ask. And you hate the painful tug in your chest when his knees give out and he hits the concrete floor with a thud. There’ll be bruises in the morning.

“He’s with a Jedi, he’s with his people but-” He gestures vaguely, and you know what he means. You felt the same way every time he left you. If the kid’s a Jedi, he probably should be in the care of people who know what to do. But you can’t imagine how it must have felt to just hand the baby over.

“He’s where he belongs.” You’re trying to stay cold, you really are.

“Is he?”

It’s hard to be cruel to a man who’s just given up his kid. To a man you love.

He says your name again, softly, tearfully. The shudder of a sob ripples through his body and he heaves a deep breath at the same time you do. You can feel it creeping back, every uncertainty you had the day he walked out of your old house. Every bone in your body screams for you to reach out to him, to comfort him the way he should have comforted you when he left you crying for him on your kitchen floor. He can’t be here. You have to make him go.

“Mando-”

“My name, please use my name.” He interrupts you, desperately. He doesn’t mean to, but he can’t hear you call him Mando. It never sounded right, not the way his real name does when you roll it around on your tongue. He needs to hear it.

“Din, you can’t stay.”

It’s so hard to hold steady, to keep your voice even, to not just throw it all away and gather him into your arms the way you want to. The way you need to. You were right, all those months ago, when you told Kes you’d take him right back if he walked through the door.

“You’re home, you know that? It’s you.”

You say nothing, for fear your words will crack and give you away.

“And- and every time I left or you left it just, nothing felt right. Not until we were together again, and it scared me. And I hurt you because of it, that’s my fault.” He sighs, defeated, but continues on when you stay silent.

“I’m so sorry, my love. I- it’s inexcusable. I don’t know how to- how to fix it. I don’t know if I can,” Din hangs his head in shame, “You should hate me. I do. I pushed you away and hurt you, when all I ever wanted was you. Just you.”

It’s not enough to soothe the scars in your heart, the ones that settled deep and angry and split open time and time again. The ones he put there. But maybe there’s room to make a start.

“I don’t hate you,” You press on even as his head shoots up in surprise, “Against all my better judgement, I love you. Pretty sure I always have.”

It’s quiet for a long time. And you think this is when he tells you he’s not good enough for you, that he never will be, and he leaves for the very last time. You know you won’t see him again if he does, but he’ll take your heart with him anyways.

“Cyar’ika.” He breaks the silence. Again. But it’s softer than the last time you were in this position.

“You’ve called me that before.”

“I’ve called you that a lot of times, you were only awake once.”

“What does it mean?” You’re almost afraid to know the answer.

He lifts his hand to his shoulder, to a pauldron with an unusual skull welded to it, and detaches the mechanism. It clatters to the floor, but Din’s gaze remains firmly locked on yours. He does the same with the other and lifts the bandolier over his head. That too is abandoned on the ground.

“Sweetheart.” His vambraces, this time. One, two clang as they hit the floor, followed by his thigh plates.

“Darling.” The chest plate.

He’s kneeling, surrounded by his armour, by the definition of the man you thought he was. All but the helmet. You love him, you can’t deny that. He’s baring himself to you in ways he never has before and you know what it means to him to do this.

“Beloved.”

Your brain stops working. You were so ready to shout and scream and punish him for what he put you through but suddenly none of it matters. Because he’s here, he’s finally here, and he’s telling you he loves you and that’s all you’ve ever wanted.

“Take it off, please?”

And so you do.

Your feet are moving towards him before you can even register what they’re doing and you haul him up off of the ground. Din winds his arms around you automatically, without a second thought, until there isn’t a breath of air left between your bodies. No armour, no barriers, just two people who have done far too much damage to each other to ever know anyone else the way you do.

His eyes. Oh god, his eyes.

“You’re beautiful.” You whisper, careful not to disturb the peace that’s settled. Finally, finally.

“That’s my line.” He chuckles as you smile, as you feel that gap in your ribs quiet after all these years. An unfilled space, no longer.

Din kisses you, and you let him.

TAGLIST (add yourself here):

@bee-dameron @rebloogggs @keeper0fthestars @remmysbounty @sirianisrock @thevoiceinyourheadx @firstofficerwiggles @1800-fight-me @ew-erin @chatterbean @altarsw @darnitdraco @greeneyedblondie44

#lacuna #the mandalorian #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian x you #din djarin #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #star wars #fic #liz does words #oh my god........oh my god its over #sfw

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iturbide · 3 years

Note

the fact that edelgard is the villain in 3/4 routes and yet intsys STILL glorifies her to no end enrages and annoys me. no other villain has been given that perspective of “well actually maybe they arent so bad” except for the hypocritical tyrant. even when she has *literally become an inhuman monster* intsys is still like “oh no dont worry she was right actually!” and it upsets me deeply

It upsets me, too, friend. IntSys seems to really like glorifying people who don’t deserve it, especially in recent games (Walhart in Awakening, Rudolf in Echoes -- I can’t say if his whole ‘orchestrating a plan to have his son murder him’ thing is carry-over from Gaiden or not, but it definitely exists in the recent remake so I’m including it), but Edelgard actually ends up as a bit of a weird case.

(I have a lot of thoughts about this, so I’m just going to cut preemptively.)

Now, I’m actually not opposed to Edelgard being the protagonist of the fourth route in Three Houses. Anyone who’s been here a while knows that I generally see Grima, a figure that IntSys generally tries to paint as a rote villain, as at least a sympathetic villain (and possibly even a secret hero in the events of Awakening itself); it’s entirely possible for someone that’s a villain in most of their appearances to have legitimate reasons for what they’re doing and why, and revealing that in their personal route could be incredibly powerful if done well.

And here’s the thing: Edelgard really is a compelling character, in large part because of her moral ambiguity. I actually agree with her when she says that the Church of Seiros is corrupt at its core and the system needs to change. She’s right about that! While Seiros might have had decent reasons for establishing things this way, over the past thousand years human societies have changed while the church itself remained stagnant -- something potentially exacerbated by her selfish ambition to restore her mother -- and this has led to a structure that once served an important purpose becoming a toxic and destructive mess for humanity at large. Edelgard has a completely valid point there, and it’s something that I could absolutely get on board with if she had gone about achieving change in some other way, because she does have other methods available to her that she writes off without real reason -- and even that can relate back in part to her deep trauma and difficulty trusting people after the betrayals she faced at the hands of her “uncle” and her own father’s powerlessness to stop the nightmare she and her siblings suffered through.

IntSys probably could have crafted a narrative that showed from her perspective why she believed war against the Church was the only valid option available to her. The issue is that she undercuts her own argument by targeting all of Fodlan, rather than specifically going after the Church: she doesn’t give the Kingdom and Alliance a “stay out of my way or else” warning, she literally turns her sights on the Kingdom as soon as the monastery falls and attempts to fully annex it once Cornelia sets up Dimitri’s fall, leaving the Alliance only because she has her hands full with Faerghus. She didn’t have to take Cornelia up on her offer of making the Kingdom into the Dukedom of Faerghus and sending troops to finish the job: she could have just left the woman to her own devices, forcing the Twisted to utilize their own people to maintain and secure full control of the region while she worked on addressing the systemic issues, which would have had multiple benefits:

The Imperial Army doesn’t get overwhelmed and exhausted fighting in conditions they’re not equipped to deal with, leaving them stronger overall while the Twisted forces are potentially weakened by the same

Hubert is able to better assess the threat they’re dealing with, including learning their capabilities and possibly even where they’re coming from before Merceus

Edelgard actually puts her money where her mouth is and ends up helping the people she claims to be doing this for, rather than just using them as fodder for the war to grind up

Unfortunately, the way she’s written ends up just making her an imperialist. She’s not just going after the corrupt core of the Church, she’s trying to forcibly unite the continent and return Fodlan to some long gone ideal where it was all united under the Imperial banner because she refuses to believe that Adrestia could have split by natural causes.

Crimson Flower ultimately ends up being a particularly egregious example of this glorification phenomenon in action because they give her a personal route that makes no effort to critically examine her actions and make her face consequences for them. This, I think, does her a massive disservice as a character, because that aforementioned moral ambiguity that makes her so interesting could have been utilized to great effect -- and the proof is actually there already, because they do it in Dimitri’s route.

Dimitri is himself another interesting character, and outwardly presents as Edelgard’s polar opposite: he recognizes that he doesn’t have all the answers, struggles to figure out the correct course of action when presented with difficult subjects that have no clear-cut answer -- like the fact that reliance on the Crest system is toxic for noble families, but it’s those very Crest-bearers and their Relics that help keep Faerghus safe from invasion by Sreng -- possesses incredible strength but specifically refrains using it in most cases to avoid harming others, and generally takes everyone’s problems onto himself to his own detriment. He’s also deeply traumatized and was never given a chance to deal with it in a healthy manner, which contributes to how he snaps -- and Azure Moon starts with Dimitri being so far out of reach that you can’t unlock any of his supports and can’t even engage with him in the weekly discussions. He’s lost himself to his survivor’s guilt and need for vengeance, considers himself to be nothing more than a monster, and has no qualms about killing if it helps advance his quest; as the story progresses, he faces a direct consequence for this murderous inclination in the form of Fleche who attempts to exact vengeance for her brother’s sake in the same way that he’s attempting to claim it for his family and friends -- only to lose Rodrigue, and have his dying words be a plea for Dimitri to live for himself rather than those who died before him, at which point Dimitri sets his sights on opposing Edelgard rather than killing her and seeing to atone for the crimes he committed. While I think the game made the change a little too abrupt, it’s handled well overall, and shows a real development arc complete with both actions and their associated consequences that directly relate to Dimitri’s growth as a person.

Contrast this to Edelgard in general and Crimson Flower as a route. Edelgard believes that she has all the answers despite not trying to engage with anyone outside her own House, decisively chooses what she believes to be the right and proper course of action regardless of how difficult the subject matter, possesses great strength (both physically and of sheer will) that she uses to dominate others, and forces others to join her in addressing what she sees as problems -- such as her line about making her own people into “worthy sacrifices” for her “higher cause.” Crimson Flower is the only route where her attack on the monastery fails to capture Rhea, but once Byleth returns she sets her sights on attacking and subjugating a territory that has remained entirely neutral through the past five years, turns on the Twisted while she’s still in a vulnerable position which ultimately causes the deaths of at least a third of the forces she left at Arianrhod once they fire their warning shot, lies to her friends and allies about what happened there, murders her step-brother, and allows a city full of trapped civilians to burn unchecked while she deals with what she considers to be the “real” threat on the opposite side of the Faerghus capital -- and all of this is capped off with her never dealing with the Twisted, and cute little endcards that talk about how everything worked out fine and there were no problems ever, The End. Edelgard doesn’t get a development arc in her route: she’s never challenged, she never faces real consequences (and the one she does face she literally lies about to her friends and then leaves as a problem to deal with later), and she pretty much ends the game exactly where she started it: completely assured that she made the right choices. The moral ambiguity inherent in her character is instead cast as “of course she’s in the right, she’s so great and there’s nothing at all wrong with what she’s doing or how she’s going about it, isn’t she wonderful?”

At least in the main game, Hegemon Husk Edelgard is treated with real gravity, shown as the pinnacle of her drive to see her ambition come to fruition and the tragic consequence of her inability to change course and find another path. The Forging Bonds event just takes the CF brush and paints her actions as the right ones, even though what made her so compelling is that her reasons were right while her methods were horrific. Edelgard really could have been wonderful. The potential is right there in her character. But IntSys completely botched the execution of it, so that her route feels rushed, incomplete, and at best unsatisfying (or, if you’re me, utterly disgusting for how it glorifies imperialistic conquest), and her Heroes appearances only make it worse.

#answered #anonymous #fire emblem: three houses #edelcourse #look i really do find edelgard to be interesting #i just find intsys' execution of her character to be utterly terrible #and fandom at large has kind of made it worse #i'm just going to keep the nuance and explore the real consequences #and write a ton of fanfiction to that effect

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elsewhereuniversity · 4 years

Text

When I first started here, I called myself Ada, because my wordpress as a teen was adamantiumhalfdragonx523 and it was the first thing I thought of when they said I should pick a nickname.

...I know, it’s kinda ridiculous, and I was hoping to present a somewhat more mature persona at college. But at least Ada is an actual name, and I could claim it was after Ada Lovelace instead of my RP blog.

Anyway, I dove into class quickly. Engineering, with an accidental minor in physics: I liked the required courses so I took a few electives, then realized I was only like nine credits away from qualifying for a minor so I went for it. Got immediately bogged down by homework as usual, barely scraping C minuses through humanities requirements and getting extensions wherever I could. I’ve never been good with time management? It’s the adhd.

There were always rumours of strange things happening on campus, but I mean, it’s college. You get drunk larpers and people hallucinating moving shadows from lack of sleep and old buildings with confusing layouts and it’s enough for weird rumours to be spread for months.

There was this weird girl who moved in a couple doors down from me: she turned up around March, I think she was a transfer? Her roommate literally burst into tears and ran away down the hall when I mentioned her, so I didn’t push it. It was a bit weird but I guess they were close with their previous roommate? Don’t know why they left, maybe they dropped out. Anyway, near the end of the semester the girl — she went by hazelnut, I think — invited me to this pre-finals rager out in the woods. I think it was late April, maybe the first of May? Mysty (my roomie) said not to go but I was feeling pretty prepared for my exam so I figured I’d go check it out. She kept, like, tutting at me, and made a big show of pouring salt lines at the window and door and around her bed? I don’t know how you can pour salt sarcastically, but she managed.

It was a pretty decent party, honestly, all through the woods. There was obviously much wilder stuff happening deeper, bright lights and screams and music and stuff, but I met up with a group I vaguely recognized from some class or other, spent a good couple hours playing, like, a music-based chase game around this awesome spiderweb of a slackline rope course someone had set up in the trees, falling off laughingly as we got progressively drunker. Also Cuttlefish (trans dude, marine bio major) with the Bluetooth speaker started skipping erratically between songs with dramatically different genres and beat structures until we all ended up tackling him to make him stop. I was just thinking of heading back to dorm when this girl with really cool dark-fantasy makeup stumbled out of the trees, obviously in distress.

She was dressed in this kinda ragged-but-flowing translucent robe thing over incongruous muddy cargo shorts, barefoot, exhausted-looking, and screaming about being chased. Lark (short girl, I think geology major?) immediately grabbed some big hoola hoops I’d been ignoring (I mean, when there’s a huge multi-tiered rope course with ladders and slack lines and trapezes, hoola hoops don’t stand out) and threw one over Spider-makeup-girl immediately, who kinda collapsed to the ground sobbing in apparent relief, and Lark yelled for everyone else to sit in one as well. Something something salt circles? So we did, kinda bemusedly, two to a hoop.

Spider-girl’s chasers burst out of the trees a moment later, and, like, I had figured Elsewhere must have a pretty substantial cosplay community, considering the larping I’d heard people talking about, but damn these guys’ costumes were good. One had to have been like six and a half feet tall, but they were on tall digitigrade stilts that raised them closer to eight, if you included the mask, and the other had this really clean 4-arm rig and I swear the arms were moving separately. Like, I’m an engineer and I couldn’t figure out how either had put the costumes together, the movements were so smooth they looked practically natural. I hope they get into whatever film studio or props company they want, the prosthetics were definitely movie quality.

Anyway, they came bursting out of the woods, making growling sounds, but they both stopped abruptly when they saw the probably-ridiculous sight of nine twenty-somethings sitting in plastic circles on the grass. I expected them to start laughing, but they were really deep in character.

They kinda circled around us for a moment, sniffing the air. I wanted to comment on their costumes, but everything seemed super serious all of a sudden. Then one of them spoke.

“Have they trapped you, weaver? Do you take salt chains over calm oblivion? Do you think they can hold you against the hunt?”

Their voice was kinda deep and raspy, oddly resonant in the chill night air, like I was only hearing part of it. This was obviously part of some scene, but I dunno. Spider-girl was curled into a ball, shaking, and I felt these guys were taking it too far.

There were a couple moments of tense silence, then Lark spoke up.

“Our bargain is with her, not with you. Leave, or wait out the dark. We aren’t moving.”

The four-armed one literally hissed at that, raising up this ragged crest along their back and flexing all four of their clawed hands.

“If you take her, human, then you take her debts. How certain are you, that you believe yourself capable of filling them? Do you think her gifts worth the cost of her entrapment?”

I still couldn’t tell how the rig was working, there wasn’t much space in their costume for complex pneumatics or anything, which was kinda annoyingly obscure. Was it just puppetry? How the fuck did they get the arms to DO that? And the tall one’s mask, were those articulated eyelids AND ears?

“She is ours, human, hunted and caught. You mettle in affairs of what you know not.”

The big one was circling faster now, striding long-limbed on those stilts. They sounded ominous, but I saw a loophole there, so I spoke up.

“You obviously didn’t catch her? She escaped long enough to find us, and if I understand the setting of your game well enough, we count as scenery or props, not players on the same level as you. So it sounds like she got away on her own and found a hiding place she can wait out the sun, which means you lost and she’s free. Go bug someone else.”

They both roared at that, making charging motions towards us, but thy kept pulling up short about two feet away from the hoola hoops. I’m not gonna lie, it was super intimidating, but they didn’t seem like they were going to get any closer? After like five minutes of this, the tall one broke and ran into the trees and the four-armed one followed, both shrieking.

We stayed in the hoola hoops after that. I would have liked to go back to the dorms, but any time any of us moved Lark started shrieking at us to stay still because it was “dangerous” or whatever. Cuttlefish turned the music back on and we ended up playing a trivia game someone had on their phone. It was super uncomfortable but it could have been worse, especially since I was still pretty drunk, so it was all a kinda pleasant foggyness. I must have dozed off at some point because next thing I knew it was a bit brighter and spider-girl was standing over me.

Her makeup was even better in the twilight, extra eyes and weirdly-textured skin and everything.

“If you are, as you said, merely scenery in which I have found my own escape, then I owe you nothing.”

She looked around at all of us, then at Lark, who was getting up with a murderous expression, then back to me. Up close, I could see my reflection in her eyes, including the six fake ones. They looked intimately real.

“Your words unwind me altogether, even from your would-be friend,” she whispered, just to me, “and I owe you, gift for gift.”

Then, suddenly, she was gone. I saw her bolt to the rope course and up one of the support ropes, much further up than I’d noticed it went, until she disappeared into the treetops. It was impressive.

Lark yelled at me a bit, something something she could have made us all rich? I don’t know, I don’t understand the larp setting well enough to understand the context. And then I went back to my dorm and collapsed into bed. I only got three hours of sleep before I had to get up and take my exam, but I did pretty well on it anyway, got a solid 83%.

Couple days later I heard a sound at the window, and when I went to investigate I found a bundle of fabric on the sill. Unwrapping it, i found a hooded knee-length asymmetrical vest thingy with this really cool greyscale-geometric pattern on it, made from the same flowing material as spider-girl’s robe. It fits perfectly. Mysty made a bit of a fuss when she saw it, but calmed down a bit when I told her the context. I’ve been wearing it ever since, it looks really good over jeans.

Anyway, yeah. Probably the weirdest story I have, though there are some solid contenders, actually....College, you know. Stuff happens.

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21751201 (wrote this back in December, forgot to submit it)

#the oblivious #ada hs no fucjing clue what’s actually going on? probably for the best #the salt is in the hoola hoops fyi. portable insta-circle!#submission #long post #stories #i LOVE this #ada #the wild hunt #this is pretty much exactly how I imagine it when i talk about how a majority of students just write weird things off as #just Weird College Stuff #and i think this is the first fic I've read where people USED the hoola hoops full of salt #which is DELIGHTFUL

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eriisaam · 4 years

Text

Something something Tarot Card Project something.

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Context under the cut, in order of appearance:

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Kyo - The Fool ( Hear me out.)

Symbolizing new beginning, adventure, opportunities, pleasure, etc. It reflects how when Lifonse and Kamui first met him (from his perspective), he suddenly took a drastic turn in his life with opening new opportunities (becoming a summoner, stabilizing his power to go from a ditto to a ditto-mew, getting his first legendary in Zacian and encountering others, finding his ex and making amends to be on surprisingly good terms with him, having lovers who immediately love him, etc), of which his stinkiness nearly self-sabotaged in his apprehension, his guardedness, and (more sympathetically) him managing his past experiences and traumas, of which had Lifonse and Kamui not been so patient, supportive and loving as they had, there were so many opportunities he could've ruined for himself. This incarnation of him even gained more lovers than his past self (in Eclair and then Kaze), and in a moment of humbling himself and realizing in full of the weight of his failings and foolishness, it had a profound effect in Zacian for her to knight him, proclaiming herself as his to officially train.

For the reverse, this also winds up heavily symbolizing his past-self, who became present-Kyo's fallen alt, who did wind up self-sabotaging things by causing a lot of trauma that lingered in Kamui and Lifonse, who went a completely different direction in life from the present Kyo, and was woefully apathetic and uncaring to Lifonse and Kamui as a whole compared to present-Kyo not only opening up and genuinely loving them more, but making strides to change himself for the better for their sake, too. There were many scars he left behind in Lifonse and Kamui that negatively impacted even present-Kyo’s relationship with them, and the only moment he had a saving grace was just before his death, and ruined just as quickly when Hel claimed him as one of her new cohorts. Worth also noting that unlike the present Kyo, whose power stabilized his ditto genes to be mew-like, past-Kyo didn’t develop nearly as pronounced a bond to do the same, and thus, lacked their connection to a mew.

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Ephrel - The Chariot

In reverse, the feeling of defeat, being vanquished, lost, etc. Were all feelings that reflected how Ephrel was in the eyes of Sparrow's Order of Heroes prior to Sparrow's official status as summoner (of which Chrom's was unofficial before her). They were completely forgotten to the point they didn't even have a name attached other than "former summoner/previous summoner", the circumstances of why they were gone were almost entirely unheard of or guesswork, and there seemed far too much haste to try to forget them as much as possible in favor of moving on with Sparrow, satisfied to keep their fate unknown with very few to give a fuck otherwise (like Chrom, then Sparrow based on Chrom's own unwavering hope to find out what happened once learning Ephrel had a life after their robinsona).

The process of finding Spectabilis, then deciding to redeem them rather than kill them (which would be far easier and inconsequential), was what flips The Chariot upright: Reflecting the long, rocky road Chrom persevered to press forward to, and meet up to free Ephrel from a fate of stagnancy, rather than just leave it at accepting his replacement Robins and moving on without them like everyone else. This action was what allowed Ephrel's live to continue forward, and to reveal more of themself they didn't flesh out even in their robinsona days.

Initially, I debated on whether or not Chrom and Ephrel fit to be literally riding something, but I find it even more fitting that Chrom himself served as “the chariot”, having carried the toils and burdens from the point he lost Ephrel, to the long, exhausting journey to retrieve them again.

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Erin - The Hanged Man

As her supports (but especially Lif, Ryoma, and to some degree Camilla from the start) knew too well (and Hrid eventually caught up on and was rightfully horrified of and clingy afterwards about), Erin came from a very harsh life prior to being a summoner, where she was suffocated, controlled, manipulated, and worked to the ground, to the point she nearly made a very costly, risky mistake of her own self prior to her Breidablik summoning her (of which I'll remain brief and vague here as it's not the biggest point this time). The damage was still done, as she still was left a broken shell, fully welcoming anyone to pull her strings as she was heavily conditioned to expect, all with a weak will, self-worth and agency. All of which line up with the reversed Hang Man's meaning of useless sacrifice, unwillingness to change, and knowingly heading on to bad decision after bad outcome. The arms of her past try greedily to drag her back to the life she had once escaped from.

The upright version of this reflected readjustment, improvement, and rebirth: All of which carried the same elements to how her supports could see she was a completely different person underneath the broken mess she was initially left as, and needed support, love, and gentle coaxing to come out in her own accord. This then led to a very massive shift to what she later turned into presently from where she started off before: As someone bold, brash, more willing to show herself, and more engaged as her own self with her own decisions. Even in free-fall, she gained her freedom, and more, thanks to her supports, gained her wings figuratively and literally (as a manakete) to take flight by her own will.

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Teru - Death

In reverse, Teru had indeed followed a lot of relationships that couldn't fully serve him or be as realized as he needed them to be at the time he needed it most (Kyo, before The Incident nearly ruined even their friendship, and definitely ruined their relationship. Then Ryoma, before Garon took that away from him as well.). His Order of Heroes failed him, his initial Askr was doomed, and he had to be a pillar of strength and protection to his pokemon and them in a time he himself desperately needed someone to rely on and protect him instead in his ailing strength and health. In the form he took prior to decimating his former connected World of Fates, one prominent feature in the missingno form he took at the time was carrying the fragmented headgear of his fallen past lover.

Upright, even in the point where Teru changed his life for the better, it took massive sacrifices and struggles on his part to get there. He has a chronic illness that can make him incredibly godly in power in the best of times, but also worryingly and critically frail and weak in most other times, all through his missingno powers he's still not able to entirely control. He had done the impossible in cheating death so many times from being a missingno, to surviving Conquest, to taking the Heart's Rite head on and living to tell the tale, but such bragging rights rang hallow for the sacrifices he made and the unspeakable levels of agony and pain he endured while subjected to them. He cheated death, yet at what cost? But even when he reached his lowest, his life did start anew as he grew past his traumas just enough to learn to grow and feel again, and for the better. After all, "third time's the charm".

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Sparrow - The Star

Where she started, she was homeless, abandoned by the world, and left to die. Forgotten. Uncared for. Unconcerned. Just another number and another sad life wasted. Like the reverse, she started in a point she was made acutely aware how little her skills mattered (it certainly didn't spare her the life of poverty), how bad her luck was (despite her best efforts, she still failed), and her only future was one that was coming to an end (crushed dreams unrealized in favor of being left to starve to death to the harsh elements outdoors). In her hands were the concept of a Crest of Fate bestowed to her, marking her as a digidestined. But even this “blessing” was in actuality a fake crest of the Grimeal, and what led to long-term damage to her and her digimon when the ruse was up.

It was Chrom who summoned her, and it was because of his patience to help save her and get her on her feet again did her hopes turn around, and her card meaning with it. Upright, she had a second chance in a new life, a new environment, and with opportunities she only barely touched the surface of that were fully realized in looking to it again in Askr (her digimon, who she didn't physically interact with until Chrom upset her digimon partners upon realizing why Sparrow didn't check up on them (of which she downplayed her life cuz, well, she thought it was a game), revealing themselves in full). She found love, she found insight, and she found a new power she learned to harness to make a better use of her skills when she thought a more direct approach was lacking (a healer, when she wasn't physically strong enough to take up another weapon yet). She stayed calm, positive, hopeful, and tried to extend the same hope Chrom shared to her to others she found along the way, which led to Robin, Lyon, and then Ephrel finding their own hopes as well. In her hands was a digi-egg of Destiny (sometimes alternatively known as the digimental of fate), which manifested itself when Breidablik resonated with both Sparrow and Ephrel. As a united force, they finally gained the hard-earned role of digidestined as a duo legendary-mythic unit.

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Eclair - Judgement

A lot of Eclair's point of major growth in power and character all fell back on Thorr's most powerful ability: Judgement. This power was the power that could completely and utterly decimate entire countries with the single swing of her hammer, and she isn't afraid to flex, and in ways Eclair saw for himself are fickle and self-righteous (particularly as she and Teru declared war on one another for the sake of protecting Nohr or wiping it off the face of Fates, but did nothing to interfere with the Nohr Teru himself destroyed in his own world). This fickle nature, this self-serving attitude and logic path Thorr decides when to enact her judgement or not, struck the biggest fear in Eclair and caused untold amounts of stress, worries, and panic attacks of being his greatest failure of seeing everyone wiped away from his life (like the fate he himself escaped as a forma) if he couldn't successfully stop his own mother. All of which are fears of the reverse Judgement. Even when she left her mark in other timelines and what-could’ve-beens, she struck fear in Eclair’s supports making such outcomes prominently known for them to stew on. Including an alternative outcome of her taking hold of some manner of Alfonse and overloading him into a temporal threat.

But upright, it also reflects awakening, renewal, a better health and mind fully realized. The point Eclair began fearing his mother and aunt most was also the point his powers started manifesting the most when his family, friends and supports made their own will clear of wanting to protect him. It was also the point he fully realized that form of will that comes from love and the power it held that heavily contrasted the will Thorr took interest in that comes from despair. This eventually was fully realized in his fully powered form, Magni, and his power as the Divine Shield to completely cancel out Thorr's Judgement attack, and thus, force her to bring herself down to the same even footing as the mortals when she can't simply delete them off the earth with a swing anymore. This resolve is also what resonated with why Zamazenta similarly trusts him, and thus, fully established Eclair's mythic alt.

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ncfan-1 · 5 years

Text

Rhea’s Twelve Children

Okay. I said I was gonna chew on this once I was finished playing Silver Snow. Welp, I’ve finished playing Silver Snow, and good grief, did I get something to chew on.

[CN/TW: Unethical experimentation, attempted death of personality, abuse (and this holds true regardless of what you think the origins of the twelve to be)]

(I don’t don’t call my avatar ‘Byleth,’ but since this is a general meta post, I’ll be calling her ‘Byleth’ simply for clarity.

And obviously, if you think of Rhea as a benevolent person with benevolent goals—I don’t, and you should take that into account before reading any further. If Mobile fucks up again and eats the Read More in the Mobile version of this post, I’m sorry, and please just scroll past.)

Up there is what is effectively Rhea’s deathbed confession in Silver Snow. She relates how she created twelve people to serve as vessels for Sothis, only for each attempt to end in failure. Then, she talks about how, when Byleth was born, her mother was dying and Byleth herself appeared to be either dying or stillborn, and that she used Sothis’s Crest Stone to revive her—and that later, she tried to use Byleth the way she had tried to use the twelve who came before her.

It is, at present, unclear as to whether the twelve were Rhea’s biological children, or people she created via magic. To me, I think the former explanation is by far the most likely. Verdant Wind is the only route I haven’t gotten through, and while I know that one is lore-heavy, it seems to have a lot more to do with the general (true) history of Fódlan than with Byleth’s origins and how those origins play into Rhea’s machinations. The only person who seems to have had the power to create life by such means as Rhea would have had to in order to have literally “created bodies” is Sothis, and Rhea doesn’t have Sothis’s powers. I have thus far read nothing in this game to suggest that there is magic that can create a person. Given the lack of evidence pointing in any other direction, the simplest explanation is the one most likely to be true: these twelve people were Rhea’s biological children, brought into the world via sexual reproduction, and she refers to them as “created bodies” in an attempt to distance herself from them as much as possible.

And even if they aren’t her biological children, even if she clearly does not regard them as such, these people were Rhea’s children in one sense of the word or another. Biological children or created via magic, she gave them life.

So. Rhea had twelve children, and each time she had one, she brought them into the world with the intent of snuffing out everything that made them who they were so that she could give her mother’s soul a body to pilot and use to interact with the physical plane again. Twelve times, she did this, and never seriously thought she should stop. Well, more like thirteen.

She doesn’t regard these people as her children; this much is clear from the outset. She consistently refers to them as “failures”, unable to resist the urge to objectify them and reduce everything that they were down to the base function for which she brought them into this world—and to imply that everything they were was meaningless in the face of their being unable to be what she wanted them to be. It is, at best, unclear as to what just happened to these people once Rhea realized that their bodies wouldn’t be able to act as vessels for Sothis. Byleth’s mother was still very young when she died—depending on the time of year when she was born, she was either nineteen or twenty—and Rhea, as we have seen, is murderously possessive of Sothis’s Crest Stone.

I can’t speak much on this since we have basically no information on how she responded when she finally realized that each of the children were unable to become vessels for Sothis. Nemesis was slain in Imperial Year 91, and the game starts in Imperial Year 1180. That’s 1,089 years; divided by 12, that’s 90.75 years. Even if you assume Rhea waited a while before her first try at resurrecting her mother, that’s more than enough time for each of them to have died of old age and/or natural causes, and for Rhea to simply harvest the Crest Stone after their deaths. The fact that we know at least one of them died at the ripe old age of twenty (at the oldest) gives us even more leeway. We don’t know what happened to each of the eleven who preceded Byleth’s mother when Rhea realized that they wouldn’t be able to fulfill the role she created them to fill. We likely never will.

Rhea probably didn’t kill them, but she certainly didn’t view them as people in their own right, and certainly not as anyone to be truly cherished for who they were. They were, after all, “failures.”

This, on its own, is completely unconscionable. I don’t know what else to call having twelve children (or creating twelve children by means other than the typical), and then trying to snuff out everything they are so their bodies can be used as a vessel for another soul to interact with the physical plane without going into phrasing that could pass into the realm of deliberately inflammatory. All of the stuff Rhea did in the past in regards to the twelve was unconscionable, but let’s talk about what she did to #13.

It is established that Rhea saved Byleth’s life by implanting Sothis’s Crest Stone into her heart as a newborn. If that is where she had stopped, I would be able to say, without reservation, that this was a purely altruistic act. I would be able to say that it was a benevolent act. How else do you describe someone resorting to drastic measures to save a newborn’s life, if it doesn’t involve selling their soul to a demon or something?

But that’s not where this story ended.

Jeralt notes in his diary that both he and newborn Byleth have been put under surveillance by the church; he had to fake the baby’s death and take advantage of her utter silence to successfully smuggle her out of the monastery. Rhea had no intention of letting Byleth slip out from her grasp, and the fact that she doesn’t even try to feed Jeralt some edited version of what happened, doesn’t try to forestall his worries with an edited story of what happened when Byleth was born, doesn’t speak of someone who’s particularly willing to cooperate with Jeralt in the raising of this child. Her intent, her sole intent, is to make sure Byleth isn’t taken out from under her gaze. Or, to be more accurate, to ensure that her mother’s Crest Stone isn’t carried off to where she can’t retrieve it from.

When Jeralt and Byleth are brought back to the monastery at the start of the game is where Rhea starts her nearly year-long campaign of aggressively grooming Byleth to ensure that she trusts Rhea as much as possible, is as compliant to Rhea’s wishes as possible. Though the term ‘grooming’ is often used to describe sexual abuse, it doesn’t have to be sexual in nature, and in this case, I can’t think of a better way to call what Rhea is doing.

Rhea shows Byleth an unusual amount of favor right from the start, by making her a professor at the Officers Academy, which is a prestigious position and would, as Seteth points out, never usually be given to a young stranger who hasn’t been thoroughly vetted and whose qualifications haven’t been extensively verified. She is constantly complimentary towards Byleth, and entrusts her, a near-stranger, with the Sword of the Creator, even though it is a weapon both hugely important to the Church of Seiros and incredibly dangerous in the wrong hands. Their supports take place in Rhea’s bedchamber, far away from prying eyes. Rhea often sends Jeralt out of the monastery on long-term missions. It’s noted over and over again, by multiple people, that Rhea treats Byleth very differently than how she treats everyone else, and that Byleth has definitely been receiving special treatment.

Rhea spent a year aggressively grooming Byleth, trying to cultivate their absolute trust as quickly as possible. All of this, to ensure that when Rhea asked Byleth to sit on Sothis’s throne, to do the thing she confidently assumed would snuff out everything that made Byleth who they were, Byleth would do it with no fuss, and no hesitation.

So. Twelve times she had children she intended to turn into her mother, but thirteen times she’s tried to turn someone into her mother, after all.

Not once did it occur to her that maybe she should stop.

And yeah, she expresses apparently genuine remorse when explaining all this to Byleth in Silver Snow, but it’s easy to be remorseful when you’re on your deathbed. It’s easy to be remorseful for your wrongdoings when you know you’re not going to be around to experience the consequences of them for much longer. I’m not saying it’s not genuine. I’m saying it’s not terribly meaningful. And even here, Rhea was talking to Byleth with the intent of achieving a goal, her goal being to ensure that Byleth would accept the responsibility of ruling over Fódlan after she herself was gone. She told the truth, but because it was the only card she had left to play.

Yeah, Silver Snow gave me a lot to chew on, alright.

#Fire Emblem Three Houses #Fe16 #Meta #Rhea Fe16 #Byleth Fe16

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #269

“why aren’t you scared of me, why do you care for me, when we all fall asleep, where do we go?”

What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual. What are you obsessed with right now? lol y'all know my staple stuff I'm always obsessed with, so two recent ones are Skillet (I've been binging soooo hard) and drawing again! What piercings do you want? A lot, jfc. More than any, I want collarbone dermals once I lose enough weight to where they're prominent. I've been on a goddamn weight loss plateau for two years. What’s your favorite show to binge? None. I generally don't enjoy binging too much. Do you watch porn? No, not interested. Do you have a secret sideblog? lol this survey blog. Do you have/would you get your nipples pierced? No. I very briefly considered getting one pierced, but I won't. Are you angry with anyone right now? Not like... actively. But passively it's there. What tattoos do you want? I refuse to die until I'm P A I N T E D F O R T H E G O D S. Do you like paper books or ebooks better? Absolutely paperback books. It feels more "real," something to dive into, and it's easier to see and understand how far you're in. We talked about this in Writing once, was an interesting convo. Plus the smell of books, aaaaaahhhhh. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes? Yes How many followers do you have? On here? *checks* 265. Do you read erotica? No, I'd feel SUPER uncomfortable. That's why 50 Shades has never appealed to me. Have you ever gotten into an accident with you parents’ car? No. Ever thought of just picking up and moving far away? Oh yes. What’s the wallpaper on your computer? My lock screen is the Halo of the Sun from SH, and my actual desktop wallpaper is my favorite closeup of my late pup Teddy. What is the last thing/person you took a picture of? Probably a stupid Facebook meme to show Sara or something lmao. Name a band/artist you like that isn’t that popular. Otep. Can you lift your significant other (your best friend if you’re single)? I'm sure I could. What is the first vehicle you recall your parents/guardians owning? Mom had a blue/greenish van for most of my childhood, while Dad had this old tan thing that he nicknamed "Frida the Cheetah" lmao. He had that damn car forever. Have you ever seen counterfeit money? Not knowingly. Have you ever lost a pet you were attached to? Well of course. I grew up with tons of pets. What was the most rebellious thing you’ve ever done? Probably texting back "fuck you" to Mom when she was being really shitty when I was having a breakdown. Pick one: laundry, dishes, or vacuuming? I'd pick vacuuming over the others any day. Have you ever moved and had to change schools growing up? No. You are forced to move out-of-state. Where do you go? I literally want to move to Canada. The highway and back roads take you to the same place; choose your route. Back roads, probably. You’re going to be a mom/dad; what do you think/do? Have a fucking panic attack. Are you more likely to give up or persist when you’re having trouble? It really depends on the seriousness of the situation, but in most cases I've actually faced, give up. Do you resemble one parent more than the other? I don't think so. Your best friend needs a kidney to survive; do you give them one of yours? If we're compatible, yes. Name a big life event that has taken place for you within the last 2 years. Nothing because my life is incredibly monotonous and stagnant. Name one difficult lesson you’ve learned. Life isn't fair, and life doesn't care. Name one thing you look forward to as you get older. Hey, let's hope I can be a functioning adult before I'm 70. Do you use your hands when you talk to emphasize what you are saying? Yes. Will you usually admit it when you’ve made a mistake? Yeah. Does stress ever affect you physically? If yes, how? Oh, yes. My stomach will absolutely hurt and I sweat more than normal (I say "normal" because I have hyperhidrosis). Did you have a money box as a kid? What shape was it if you did? I don't remember... I know we didn't regularly get an allowance or anything like that, but maybe I'm sure I stored money I was given somewhere? Has kids TV ever frightened you? As a kid, I both watched and feared Courage the Cowardly Dog, lol. Do you have any potted plants in your house? No. If you were born outside of your era, when would you want to be born and why? Early '80s! What a time for music, metal fashion, and fun. If you ran a store, what would you sell/have? IF I was more knowledgeable on more species, probably reptiles and more proper care materials and give advice that's not shit. Places like PetSmart and Petco just... disgust me. What part in a movie would you love to play? If I was confident in acting, probably the maniac lmao. I've experienced enough Crazy for that. What's the oldest article of clothing you own? I don't really know, but I do know Mom has a lot of my and my siblings' shirts as we've grown up to knit together a blanket one day. Fuckin cute as hell. What piece of furniture have you replaced the most? The couch. What instrument do you wish you could be more than great at? Guitar, with that electric twist anyway. What’s the best part of your favorite movie? When Simba roars atop Pride Rock in the storm and all the lionesses join in FUCK I get goosebumps out the WAZOO. What do you think is the most over-rated candy ever? Twizzlers, disgoosting. If you could only debate two topics the rest of your life, what would they be? LGBTQ+ rights is #1, then... hm... probably the pro-choice argument. Or just women rights in general. Out of your friends, who would you say you are most jealous of, artistically? Oh man, my friend Mini. She drew pretty well when we were young, but her skill like... increased exponentially with time. She doesn't draw in a *style* I'm envious of, but that growth tho. Most jealous of….intellectually? Girt. What is broken that you have, that you wish was fixed? My brain lmao. A famous person you have met? Nobody. Who were the last five people to text you? Dad, Sara, Ashley, Mom, and my grandma. What is your favorite book that you had to read for school? The Outsiders. Think of the last two people you kissed. Who was more fun? I've explained the "idk if *I* ever actually kissed Girt" before, but just for the sake of the question, I'll just count him. I tbh hated it only ever because why were your lips always wet, sir???? The latest person was Sara, and she kissed fine. If your house was burning down and you only had sixty seconds to grab one or two things, what would you grab and why? Roman and Venus because they're family and I adore them. Out of all the concerts you have been to, which band/singer was the best performer? Alice was great! When was the last time you went miniature golfing? For Jason's and my second or third anniversary, so a long time ago. What’s a song you like from a genre you hate? I always answer this question with a country answer, so let's go rap. Hm. OH, probably a Post Malone song. I actually don't mind him. If you had twin girls what would you name them? Alessandra indisputably, and then the other... maybe like, Josephine. Especially as twins, I'd want two gorgeous, less-heard names. What kind of condoms do you use? I don't use any because I'm not sexually active. Do you say years young or years old [ex: 16 years young or 16 years old]? Man, I miss the days I could confidently say "years young," lmao. Do you have any personality disorders? Avoidant, yes. I'm pretty convinced I have dependent PD, too. Do you shave your arms? Armpits, yes, but not my entire arms. What do you dip your fries in? Ketchup or honey mustard. Has one of your good friends ever moved away? Damn, yeah. I particularly remember this girl from elementary school in I think the 5th grade that I was very close with, yet I don't remember her name now. What color car are you when you play The Game of Life? Dude idr the colors at all. Which hair color do you find the ugliest? I've seen it be pulled off, but generally, yellow. Would you date a guy that wears more make-up than you do? Hell yeah man you fuckin strut that shit. Did you ever play M.A.S.H. when you were little? Ah, I remember that! Sure did. If you were getting married, who would be your maid of honor? My mom. If you have any pets, were they adopted from the humane society? No, but I would of course. Do you like home design, like picking out paint colors and furniture? Not any more than the average person. Do you chew gum on a regular basis? No. List all of your features that you have ever got compliments on: Do you mean just physical? If that's the case, hair, eyes, smile, uh... I feel like that's it. WAIT I can't remember who but someone once called my nose cute. Have you ever been in a hot air balloon, and if not, would you ever want to go in one? No; yes. What type of computer do you have? It's an Acer Nitro 5. Is anyone else in the room with you right now? My snake. Do you whiten your teeth with crest white strips? Not Crest, but a different brand, yes. I hate my teeth. Do you listen to local bands? Not really. I will sometimes listen to an old friend's band, at least bits of what they post on Facebook. Nova Mortis, check 'em out if you like pretty heavy metal. Do you have a pool in your back yard? No, but damn do I wish. Do your parents fight? Do they even talk at all? That's why they're divorced. They, especially Mom, avoid doing so whenever they can. Do you drink alcohol on New Year’s Eve? Usually. Do you wear rings? Just one, a friendship ring w/ Sara. Are there any restaurants in walking distance to your house? It'd be quite a long walk, at least by my standards. What was the last picture you uploaded to your Facebook? A picture of Mom and me. Have you ever listened to the same song on repeat for hours on end? YES. When I find a song I really like, I become VERY obsessive. Like I will play it and play it and play it for days. I in general have an extremely obsessive personality. Do you like staying in hotels? I don't have much of an opinion. It's a nice change of space, though. Are musicals interesting or boring? They're cheesy to me. What is your favorite scent of incense? (If you burn it) Okay, HEAR ME OUT. There is legit a kind called "monkey farts" that smells SO FUCKIN GOOD. Jason used to burn incense in his room all the time and that was my favorite one, so I use it now. Where do you normally hang out on the weekends? At home. I'm always at home, regardless of the day. Can you tune a guitar by ear or do you need a tuner? I never could. Do you like love songs? Generally, yes. They're sweet. Would you rather drink 7Up or Sprite? Fun fact: Sprite used to be my FAVORITE soda as a kid. I even had a fuckin Sprite shirt. Now, I hate it. I haven't tasted 7UP in forever. What is your favorite song as of right now? I'm seriously digging Halocene lately, esp their cover of "bury a friend." Have you ever sex texted? This is gonna sound so stupid, but I'm actually not *totally* sure what that is? Just like, dirty talking or like, virtually RPing sex? The former I did when I was fuckin 12 like a goddamn idiot, but not the latter. When's the last time you went out of state? A year and a half (I think?) ago to visit Sara. What was your favorite TV show last year? I didn't *really* have one, at least not actively. Like I didn't devoutly watch anything. Would you know who to talk to if you wanted weed? HAHA I sureeeee do. I wouldn't want any, though. What is your favorite Beatles song? "Hey, Jude." If you could kiss anyone right now, who would it be? I don't want to think about this. What is your favorite energy drink? I don't like energy drinks. Way too intense. Have you ever been to Hooters before? No. When's the last time you tripped? (Literally or, you know) HA, funny I take this survey today because my left foot is either broken or I seriously tore a ligament in it because I fell yesterday. I had to go up a dose on my medication that helps my nightmares, but it's notoriously for lowering your blood pressure, and mine is naturally low. I got up to go to the bathroom and grab breakfast and many times nearly passed out from being so dizzy until I finally fell and my foot bent forward. I couldn't even walk by myself yesterday and am still really struggling today. Our family friend brought the boot she wore when she broke her foot over just a while ago, but if this doesn't help, Mom's demanding I go to the ER. Can you touch your toes? I don't know HOW I can, but I can, I guess from when I did yoga daily and I could pretty much go under my feet. What would you say is the best feeling in the world? Being in love and knowing they're in love with you, too. Have you ever “spoken” to any celebrities via Twitter? No. Do you like croissants? YESSSSSSSSSSS. Do you get a lot of traffic outside your house or not? Yes. Mom explained to me why one day because I'd asked, but idr what she said. Do you eat cereal bars? No, I'm a granola bar person. Would you consider yourself healthy? Uh no. Assuming you could speak and understand the language, would you ever study in a foreign, non-English speaking country? Sure, for like a year or so! Doing that in Germany would be amazing. Are you on any prescribed medication? A lot. Do you know any immigrants? I know an illegal one that got deported. I probably know others. Have you ever lived in university or college accommodation before? No. If you haven’t already, are you scared of leaving home? If you have, do you like it? Very scared. I'm just very dependent and ignorant on how to be an adult. If you could only eat one vegetable for a year (not including potatoes) what would it be? Broccoli. Do you have a certain routine in the bath or shower? What is it? Shave, shampoo, facial scrub, this exfoliating brush for your feet, and then body wash. Is there anything that you loved a year ago but just can’t stand now? Hm. I don't really know. What’s the weirdest meat you’ve ever eaten? I took the SMALLEST bite out of it because I couldn't stomach eating it, but after a lot of convincing I tried a microscopic bit out of deer jerky. If you smoke, what brand of cigarettes do you smoke? If you don’t, have you ever tried? Don't smoke and don't want to. Do you like dried fruit at all? what’s your favorite type? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

#survey #questions #quiz

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mr-mikey · 5 years

Photo

I’ll start by showing off who I ended up deciding to marry at the end of the game. I like Leonie, but Marianne grew on me so much that I had to choose her and my gosh the lead up to the proposal was so cute.

She mentions that her adopted father has temporarily put of talks about marrying her off to a noble, and despite finding it silly that her adopted family wants to flaunt her new status as a hero, she is glad that her relationship with her adopted father has improved anyway and she feels like she is a true daughter.

And she boldly offers Byleth a ring as a way to show how far she has come as a person, and to show some courage to him. My heart melted and I felt like I really had made the right choice for me.

With that done I can talk about characters and other things...

I literally fist pumped the air when I saw these two end up together, their interactions are wonderful and I always appreciated how close Claude and Hilda are.

I found Lorenz’s supports with Dorothea to be quite interesting and I really appreciated how he stood up to her accusations of him being like any other noble that only cares about getting what he wants from someone. And I know that she’s cunning enough to keep him on his feet.

Their supports were simple enough, but I liked how encouraging she was of his talent for painting. I feel that they’ll be good for each other.

Their supports were very cute, but this ending hurts me with how bittersweet it was ;_;

I’m glad that they were able to sort out their differences and spend their lives together. Both are very good units and I was happy to get them both for my first run. Felix

And this was so nice to get. Marianne is a sweetheart and I felt so satisfied once everything ended. Claude was able to peacefully institute reforms within the church and Fodlan overall while working to change things past Fodlan’s Locket as well once he went home. I got all the answers I needed in terms of lore and history.

And as for my thoughts on the Characters I used overall:

Claude: Strong unit, I fucking love him as a character and a Lord. He only gets better post timeskip and his desire for knowledge and the truth along with his desires to change the world really endeared me to him. He is hands down my favourite lord in the series.

Hilda: Good character that can amuse, and she is a powerhouse of a unit. All she needs is some help with her accuracy and she’s good. She can and will demolish a lot of enemies for you while complaining about having to work hard XD

Leonie: I like her overall and I do see some similarities between her and Kjelle. She started off strong as a unit but she did fall behind in the end. Maybe next time I use her I’ll put her into a wyvern class and she might do better.

Lorenz: He was okay as a unit, but he is a wondeful character with a great character arc. He impressed me in multiple support conversations and he showed that he is a caring, intelligent person as you get to know him more.

Ignatz: He was fine as a character with a good heart but he didn’t stand out that much compared to the others. He was decent as a fast unit that could use physical and magical attacks but he didn’t hit that hard.

Raphael: he’s a simple but good-hearted giant of a man that could easily wreck face with brawling and axes and he had enough bulk to take hits as well as dish them out.

Lysithea: She’s every bit the magical nuke that people say she is. As she gains promotions and weapon ranks she can and will take out units with one magical hit. She made fighting the Death Knight a breeze and dealt the Final Blow to Nemesis. Being able to use Warp twice helped me skip large chunks of maps that otherwise would have caused me a lot of trouble.

As a character she was initially a bit abrasive and silly, but she grew on me a lot especially post timeskip as I got to understand her past and motivations better. If I didn’t marry Marianne I would have married her instead and given everything to make her happy.

Marianne: She is a sweetheart that suffers from a lot of self doubt thanks to the bloody history behind her own crest. But she grows out of it wonderfully and it shows especially in her friendship with Hilda plus her paralogue. I chose her for the Goddess Tower event and it was so cute that I think it was the beginning of her swaying me over. For my run she somehow turned out to be a better mage than Lysithea, she could fight well and she was a great healer thanks to Physic backed by her large magic stat.

Now I’m free to continue playing through my blue lions run. Once that’s done I’ll probably play through the Church route of the Black Eagles, I want to see how they handle the consequences of turning against Edelgard and the Empire.

More worryingly I don’t think I can side with Edelgard in good conscience now, I’ve been watching a friend play that route and I’ve also seen how things play out on youtube... And I can’t take her seriously knowing that so much of Edelgard’s accusations against the church are flat out wrong/lies. She looks so arrogant and ignorant that I can’t stand the thought of helping her force her beliefs on all of Fodlan while ignoring the actual villians and the ones that tortured her and her family. And I’m going to feel sick seeing people that have only played the crimson flower route saying ‘fuck the church/stan edelgard’ now that I know the full truth and they don’t. :/

But if you’ve stuck through my playthough commentary until the end thank you for enduring this person’s rambles about what has been a wonderful and engaging fire emblem game. I really am glad that I brought this game and this has been a most enjoyable experience.

#fire emblem spoilers #fe16 spoilers #mikey speaks #mikey plays three houses

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mind-body-and-spirit · 6 years

Text

I’m bored ignore me

Describe your current mood/feelings

I feel awful. I’m so unhappy in my current situation and I got a glimpse of what it’s like to be outside of it and I can’t wait to make that happen.

Which is your favourite country that you’ve been to?

Ireland probably.

What are the first things you notice when you look at/meet someone?

Smile and usually eyes but I haven't been great at that lately.

Have you ever been in love/are you in love currently?

I have been in love, I’m not currently.

Are you currently in a relationship?

I am not.

Would you ever date someone online?

I’d date someone that I met online but not someone I couldn't be with in person.

Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with?

Yes.

Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?

Night is more my thing.

What side of the bed do you sleep on?

Left.

Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?

LOL no.

Would you choose love or money?

Right now, money probably except for one person that I would choose over that.

When did you lose your virginity?

When I was 18.

Do you prefer men or women?

Men usually but gender really doesn't matter to me. I’m attracted to personalities.

Do you have a sex playlist?

No but I’ve heard someone else’s and I am totally into it.

When was the last time you had sex?

Saturday 🙊

Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?

Yes.

Where is the most romantic place you would want to have sex?

When I picture romantic sex it’s usually in a bed, sooooo.

Where is the weirdest place you would want to have sex?

Balcony.

What would you do if you were ever caught having sex?

Depends who caught us.

Would you ever go to a bar just to get sex?

I’d go to a bar to flirt.

Has anyone ever tried to pick you up in a bar?

Yes.

Would you have sex in a movie theater?

YES that’s so risky I dig it.

Would you have sex outside?

I would as long as its not dirty.

Would you have sex in a bathroom?

Probably.

Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?

There’s pics of me out there.

Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?

Not physically said it but I have thought of someone else and almost said it.

Would you ever use ‘toys’ in bed?

I would.

What would you do if your partner suggest a threesome?

I’m down.

How many people have you slept with?

(1/2) If your lover/crush were in your bed right now, what would you do?

Sex probably.

(2/2) Then?

CUDDLE he’s great at that and probably talk a lot.

What are your favorite bands?

Set it off, Beartooth, Grayscale, As it Is, Mayday Parade.

What are your favorite singers?

Barret Wilbert Weed, Taylor Louderman, Carrie Hope Fletcher, I’m obsessed with the Broadway stars right now.

What are your favorite albums?

I’m LOVING the Mean Girls Cast Recording right now, also Dear Evan Hansen and Heathers. Only Human by Calum Scott is pretty good, and The Greatest Showman.

What are your favorite songs?

Would You Be So Kind - dodie

Someone Gets Hurt, Revenge Party, World Burn, I’d Rather Be Me, and Apex Predator all from Mean Girls

Requiem, Waving Through a Window,and You Will Be Found all from DEH

And I’m gonna stop now because this list could go on forever.

What is the best concert you’ve ever been to?

Oh gosh. Can I cheat and say Warped?

How did you first find out about your favorite band/singer?

Okay top two: I found SIO by accident at the mall in Hot Topic in 2009. Loved them ever since. And I found Barrett through Heathers.

If someone asks you what music they should check out, what are your go-to recommendations?

Usually SIO unless were talking about musicals.

What was your first concert? if you haven’t been to one, what do you want your first concert to be?

Omg Hilary Duff when I was like 8 probably.

How do live performances, whether they’re from your friends or professionals, tend to make you feel?

SO HAPPY

Singing in the shower or singing in the car?

Both but I sing in the car more. I only sing in the shower when I’m home alone, but I love that more cause acoustics and the steam is good for the voice.

If you could pick one instrument to learn how to play, what would it be?

Trumpet!

What is your singing voice like? what singers do you remind yourself of?

I’m a mezzo/alto. I try my hardest to be like Barrett tbh.

Have you ever been involved in any music programs? which ones and for how long?

Uh yeah like all through high school and college.

Which instruments do you know how to play? what’s your skill level?

Flute/picc - advanced but I’m probably a bit rusty since I haven’t practiced in a while.

Piano, guitar, and ukulele - self taught/beginner

How do you feel about video game soundtracks?

I like them if they’re super dark/edgy cause it’s fun to dance to.

What soundtracks do you enjoy listening to the most?

Mean Girls, Heathers, DEH, Man of La Mancha, basically any musical.

How do you feel about musicals?

You’ve probably figured this out already but I live for them.

What are some songs whose lyrics you relate to?

Would You Be So Kind - dodie

Are You There? - Bare (taken out of context, of course)

parts of Beautiful - Heathers

Breathe In Breathe Out - Tich

I’d Rather Be Me - Mean Girls

Someday - Zombies (taken out of context)

Do you prefer songs that have good melodies or songs that have good lyrics?

BOTH. I usually really like songs that feel good to sing (good melodies) but I will download and listen to a song just for the lyrics.

Look at your country’s song charts, listen to the first unfamiliar song you can find, and share your opinion on it.

Billboard Top 100 said Psycho - Post Malone. And I hated it.

Any cover versions that you think are better than the original?

Chandelier - PVRIS from Punk Goes Pop

Uptown Funk - Against The Current & SIO

How often do you listen to music?

Literally every day.

How do you feel about classical music?

I love it.

Would you ever want to have a career in music?

I think it would be fun but like realistically probably not.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how important is music to you?

16.5 I couldn’t live without it.

How do you feel about rap music?

Not a fan.

How has music affected you as a person?

It’s been my life since like 6th grade so it pretty much made me who I am.

What songs do you listen to when you’re sad?

I just listen to Mean Girls all the time

But sometimes Bare bc sad

What songs do you listen to when you’re in a great mood?

Still Mean Girls.

What songs do you listen to when you’re getting ready for sports/to work out?

Anything from Mean Girls (do you see a trend here?)

What is your favorite movie?

The Kissing Booth was good, The Greatest Showman, I mostly listen to music.

What are you currently watching on Netflix/Hulu?

Skins UK (for the second time)

What shows have you finished?

13 Reasons Why, Grey’s, The Fosters, Misfits, Skins UK, Dance Academy, Degrassi, Backstage

Do you binge watch shows on Netflix or Hulu?

Netflix if I can find a good one. Hulu is for episodes that I missed when they aired.

What colour palette are you most drawn to?

Cool tones. Blues, purples, silver, but also rose gold.

What other country would you move to if you could?

Ireland or England

Which accent do you find most attractive?

IRISH

Would you rather be able to shapeshift or teleport?

Teleporting would solve a lot of my problems.

Would you do a destination wedding? where at?

Does Disney World count?

Dream honeymoon?

....Disney World.

Which celebrity’s voice do you wish you had?

BARRETT

Would you rather live on a beach, mountaintop, on a farm, in the city, or in the forest?

The middle of a big city.

Do you still want to be what you dreamed of as a kid?

No I wanted to be a marine biologist and work at Sea World.

Would you rather live in a functional tree house, a rustic but renovated barn, and old stone cottage, a tiny house, an antique victorian character home, or an artistic cob home?

Antique victorian character home with an updated interior that's modern but still preserves the charm.

What do you want your life to look like in 1 year?

Living in a big city (preferably Baltimore or DC) and having a real job.

4 favourite youtubers?

I've really been into Shane Dawson and the squad lately. Also Soph (Sophdoesnails), Shelby’s DCP vlogs, and Sophie Lousie

What would your absolute dream partner look like?

Goofy smile, bright eyes (not necessarily in color, but like they light up when they’re excited and have life to them), taller than me, got meat on his bones

What would your absolute dream partner be like?

Sweet, an absolute nerd, adorable, knows how to charm the heck out of me, ambitious (I’m describing someone if you haven't caught on yet)

7 names that you really love?

James, Amelia, Sophie, Noah, Riley, Madison/Maddie, Samuel

Do you like your name? what would you change it to if you could?

No I hate it, I’d change it to Elizabeth which is my middle name.

What is your biggest but most impossible-seeming dream in life?

Living in the middle of NYC

Do you collect anything? why’d you start?

Tsum Tsums because they’re cute af and I can’t resist, and I really want to start collecting pins.

When you’re hanging out in your room, do you usually sit on the bed, a chair, the floor, or somewhere else?

Bed.

How many pillows are on your bed?

6 because I bought all of the pillows for the apartment aside from the two he brought and I took them when I left.

Do you share a room with anybody? Have you ever (as in long term, not a sleep over)?

I don’t currently, but I shared with Lexi when were little, I had roommates for 3/4 years of college, and I shared with Nick in our apartment until the end.

Are there any posters or artwork on your walls? What are they?

I have an SIO poster, a One Direction poster, posters of the 5SOS boys, and a Callahan family crest from Ireland. (I really need to redecorate).

Where do you keep your clothes?

Dresser and closet (and the laundry basket of unfolded clothes that never seems to get emptied)

What color are your walls?

Purple.

Is your mattress on a frame or the floor?

On a frame.

What position do you sleep in?

On my side usually but I can sleep in all positions really.

What’s your favorite part of your room?

My bed.

What’s your least favorite part of your room?

It’s a god damn mess right now and that it heats up with the morning sun so it’s always hot.

How many hours a day on average do you spend in your room?

LOL way too many.

Have you ever been told that you spend too much time in your room/never go outside/live in your room/etc?

Yeah all the time.

Is there a desk in your room? Do you actually use it for homework?

There is and no I literally don’t but I should.

Is there a tv in your room?

Yes there’s a TV in my room.

If your bedroom could look any way you want, forgetting cost and practicality, what would it look like?

Clean and Tumblr-y

Do you put stuff under your bed?

I don’t try to but stuff ends up under there.

If you play an instrument, do you practice in your room or somewhere else?

When I was in college I rarely practiced in my room. If I do practice now (rarely) I do it in the living room.

Do you charge your phone next to your bed?

On my bed.

How many windows are in your room?

Just 1.

Do you have a private/connected bathroom?

No I wish.

Do you keep makeup, jewelry, lotion, perfume/cologne, and hair stuff in your room or the bathroom?

It’s in my room. I keep it all in the Alex 5 drawers from IKEA.

What is your dream job?

HR but I’ve also been super interested in marketing lately? Also interior design or wedding planner.

What’s your favorite sport to watch on TV?

Baseball but also hockey? I’ve never been a hockey fan until I started watching the Preds in the playoffs this year and I’m totally into it now.

Who is your favorite athlete?

Nick Castellanos 😍

Have you ever been in love?

I have.

Do you currently love someone?

It’s unrequited and complicated so I just say no usually.

Do you want a relationship?

Not right now. In the future, yes.

How long was your longest relationship?

Over 2 years.

How long does it take for you to know you love someone?

Not long.

Is it special to you if your s/o meets your parents?

Depends on the situation. Like for my exes it wasn’t but if I started dating someone in Tennessee it would be different cause my parents live 500+ miles away.

Do you watch Game of Thrones?

I’ve watched parts of it.

Have you ever been to Michigan?

Lived here for most of the 22 years I’ve been alive.

Have you ever went on a road trip with a boyfriend?

Nick and I drove back to Michigan once but we were mad at each other the whole time so there's that.

Do you support abortion?

I have no say over what someone else does with their body.

Are you an extrovert or an introvert?

Introvert hardore.

Glitter or feathers?

GLITTER

Daisies or buttercups?

Daisies

Have you ever self harmed?

Yes.

Are you more rational or emotional?

Emotional lmao.

What’s something you love to do but feel guilty about after/during?

Inevitably someone makes me feel bad every time I have sex with someone I’m not dating.

Have you ever had sex with someone you weren’t dating (but had feelings for) in the hopes that they would ask you out later?

Lol, not for that reason, although I would love it if he did ask me out.

Do you ever turn your phone off because you don’t want to talk?

The only time I ever did that was after Ashlyn died because I was mad at Nick because he wouldn’t stop playing video games with his friends to come over.

Have you ever been to a gay pride parade?

Not a parade but I went to the pride festival in DC this past weekend.

Would you take your dream job if it were out of the country?

More than likely. I’m in a position where I could right now.

What is your zodiac sign?

Libra

What do you like to do when you’re home alone?

Sing very loudly.

Should the guy always pay for the date?

No. I’m hella independent and most of the time I hate when other people pay for shit.

What kind of music calms you down?

Most music calms me down.

Who did you last go to a park with?

I went walking on a path/river thing with sunshine this past weekend. It’s not really a park but like idk?

Have you ever been robbed?

My iPod got stolen when I was like 12.

When was the last time you were on an airplane?

Last week.

Are you currently crushing on someone?

Yeah.

Do you think your crush likes you back?

I actually don’t know how he feels? I know he liked me at one time and then a thing happened and we accepted that we couldn’t actually be together but then we were together and it felt really right and I don’t know how he feels now.

Is anyone currently crushing on you?

Other than him probably not.

Have you ever been in a long term relationship?

Yes two.

Have you ever been asked out?

Yes.

Have you ever asked someone out?

I've pushed someone to ask me out but that’s the closest.

Have you ever kissed your crush?

Yes.

Has your crush ever kissed you?

Yes.

Are you more of a flirt or a hopeless romantic?

Both

Do you have a crush on the person you last kissed?

Yes.

Have you ever confessed your feelings knowing they were unrequited?

Lol story of my life.

If the person you like/love was with you right now, what would you say/do?

Um we would probably be cuddling and talking or kissing honestly.

Have you ever broken up with someone?

Yes.

Have you ever been broken up with?

Not officially. Only for a break and then he begged for me to take him back.

Do you like cuddling?

I LOVE IT

Have you ever had romantic feelings for a best friend?

That’s usually how it works for me.

Tell me about your crush:

Hair color?

Brown

Eye color?

Brown or green(? I’m pretty sure they’re brown and I suck I know)

Age?

We’re the same age but he will not tell me his birthday so

Build?

He’s a little bit taller than me, he’s not scrawny but he’s not big either, like the perfect dad bod.

Clothing style?

He barely has any clothes. He wears like jeans and t shirts and shorts he can find on sale basically.

Stereotype?

He's a TOTAL nerd and I’m so into it.

Hobbies?

Computer stuff. He likes techy stuff and board games.

Are they your type?

I don’t really have a type. He's got a killer personality and he’s SO sweet and charming and that’s what gets me.

When did you started liking them?

Like January I think?

Do you talk to him/her everyday?

Not everyday.

Do you talk about them to your friends?

Yes Colby lets me talk about him all the time.

Do you like hearing their voice?

Yeah, it’s nice.

Do you like receiving text messages from them?

Um, yeah? That seems like a weird question.

Do you like their laugh/giggles?

His laugh is adorable.

When you see them, are you shy?

NO he makes me feel so comfortable. I’ve never felt so comfortable around someone I wasn’t dating.

One day will you be with him/her?

Honestly, probably not but maybe?

Do you get jealous when he/she talks to the opposite sex?

No. This is weird, but we actually encourage each other to get out there and be with other people since we really can’t have each other and we’ve accepted that.

Will you wait for him/her, to be yours?

I honestly don't want anything right now, so I’m willing to wait for now. Once I’m settled and know what I want in life I’ll move on if were still not together.

Are they more shy or outgoing?

He's outgoing

Y'all have the same group of friends?

Does your crush smell nice?

I mean, yeah. He doesn’t wear cologne or body spray or anything but his normal human smell was nice?

Does your crush have a nice smile?

That goofy smile tho (yes).

Are they kind to you?

Yes he is SO sweet it hurts.

Are y'all considered friends or acquaintances?

We’re friends.

When’s the last time you saw them?

Saturday.

Do you have their phone number?

Yeah but we usually talk through snapchat.

Is your crush talkative or more of a listener?

He's a talker but he’s a good listener too.

Can they speak more than one language?

90% sure he can speak at least some German.

Where did y'all meet?

Work.

Do they live close to you?

No. He's literally over 500 miles away.

Have you ever been to their house? How about their bedroom?

Yes and yes.

Do you even vaguely believe your crush is interested in you?

I answered this earlier. It’s complicated.

If given the chance, would you have sex with them?

Yes.

Have you ever hugged or kissed your crush?

Yes.

Ever seen em naked? Do you wanna?

I have, and I wouldn’t say no to doing it again.

Does your crush have long hair?

No it’s super short.

Do you think you’ll lose contact with your crush within 5 years?

I hope not but maybe.

Is your crush more naughty or good/innocent?

He can be both.

Is your crush gay/straight/bisexual/transgender?

When I asked him he said “bi-ish” so

Is your crush a freak? Sexually speaking…

I’d call it adventurous and experienced.

Is your crush a virgin?

No.

Do they have any pets?

No.

Do they have a job? If so, where do they work?

Yes he has a job at a company which I’m not going to name.

Do you know if they have an STD or not?

If he does he hasn’t told me, and it’s kind of common courtesy to tell someone you have an STD if you sleep with them sooooo

What kind of music are they into?

Um, rock probably? He also likes musicals so there’s that.

Their fave color? If you don’t know just guess

His favorite color is blue (even though he’s blue/green colorblind).

How long have you known em?

Less than a year.

Their fave type of food? Guess if you don’t know

I don’t know but probably like burgers cause he tried to take me to a bar for food.

When will you see your crush again?

Quite possibly never which is literally awful to think about. Hopefully sometime in the future.

Is your crush extremely confident?

He’s pretty confident.

What’s ultimately stopping you from making them yours?

Distance.

#mine

1 note · View note

whereisvanderwood · 6 years

Text

Through the Ages

Yona of the Dawn | Akatsuki no Yona

Zeno x Reader - Angst

My Yona of the Dawn x Reader List for more one-shots! Check it out!

Sneaking past the new, strong security of the castle, regrettably having to engage in physical combat once or twice, he was determined to make sure this man was not to make a mockery of Hiryuu's name and ultimate desire for the kingdom. Careful that his hood was covering his familiar face at all times, he searched the grounds for the servants he was forced to abandon. But all he could see were new faces everywhere. It was all becoming a bad dream – nothing was recognisable or what it used to be. He was an alien from another plant.

"Hiryuu... what are they doing..." he whispered to himself in dismay, holding his golden crest. Like a ceremony was being conducted, many people were being tossed out, and many more being pulled in. The new king was not in charge; it more looked like his son had taken on this task. All he could do was watch in the shadows as everyone he came to personally know was roughly thrown out of the castle, and a line of newly recruited servants were registered and put straight to work.

Only young men were accepted into the castle grounds, but by the looks on their faces they seemed to be forced to work against their will. The young yellow dragon's soul ached as he witnessed more and more, the whole process of "out with the old and in with the new" being taken very seriously. Wishing not to be confronted with such a sight any longer, he turned away to leave.

"Wait wait, sir, please!" A young feminine voice yelled out to the soldiers who had begun to close the gates, ending the process of recruitment. "Please, take me in! I can work hard!"

"You're a girl! You can't possibly handle the work of Lord Joo-Nam."

"In my opinion the only place a girl should work is in the kitchen," another one of the guards laughed. Clearly angered, the girl tried to push past the guards to beat the closing doors, yet she was stopped very forcefully. Zeno's anger was growing stronger with every second that ticked by, and hated himself for wishing he could kill such disgusting people. What had him most intrigued was why the young girl wanted to be a servant so badly. Surely she must've not been informed enough on how fierce this ruler really was.

"Please, I need to work!"

"Leave now, or you will be punished!"

"No! I'm not leaving!"

The discrimination was unbearable to withstand. Zeno refused to agree with the soldiers who spoke so lowly to the girl, but on some levels he did. She was so young and had so much to do with her life. He didn't want someone such as her to let herself be dictated for the rest of her life.

But he came to the conclusion that he would help her anyway. He circled around the grounds to reach where the commotion was taking place, and found a heavy, stray rock in the dirt. With the solder dragging her away from the gates, he carefully aimed his throw and hit the soldier right on his helmet, stunning him and causing him to lose his grip on the girl.

She scrambled away from him as she managed to slip through the entrance, too heavy for the guards to reopen to get her back. Zeno, satisfied with his help, retraced his steps to look where the girl pleaded for a job to the employer.

"Who let you in?"

"Please! I know I can work hard if you'll have me!"

"Tch, you're not the type we're looking for. Someone take her out!"

"No, no please! I'll do anything!" The man raised his hand to cease the guards going after her, her words making him think.

"...Anything?" Catching on to his interest, she kneeled on the ground onto her hands and face.

"Absolutely anything. I may not be physically strong, but I am resilient and will obey any order."

"Hmph." The man rose from his seat and sat in front of the girl, forcing her chin upwards so they would meet eye-to-eye. "You'd better mean what you say."

"My word is my bond, sir."

"...It better be, or you'll be thrown out just like the others. Or worse for breaking your word to royalty."

"I-I would expect nothing less, my lord." Zeno's heart skipped a beat at the lord's words. So much threat and venom emanated from his words, he had started to regret giving the girl the opportunity to show her face.

"Tell me your name."

"Uh, (Y-Y/N), your highness."

"Excellent... then I shall appoint you as my Baroness." Gasps resonated like an orchestra throughout the entire castle as the lord's words were practically tattooed onto her body like a book. Zeno didn't like this.

"A Baroness...! Lord Yu-Hon, th-this is..."

"A Baron is-"

"I am well aware what a Baroness is, servant."

"B-But, your majesty!"

"She has practically sworn fealty to me. If she thinks so highly of herself, it would be wrong for any of us to see her as something lower. Isn't that right, (Y/N)?"

He was toying with her. This wasn't generosity, it was all a game to him. His voice was so low and his words had such power behind them that there was no way anyone could refuse his official orders. Zeno had to get her out of there. It was his fault for her getting in, and it was his job to get her out.

"Servants, start cleaning. This place is filthy." All the newly recruited young men instantly sprang into action after waiting for some time to receive their very first order. Afraid of what was to become of them were they to not meet their standards, they split up to get more work done.

"(Y/N), your first job."

"Y-Yes, Lord Yu-Hon?"

"Banish all the priests. Destroy the temple in the castle grounds. They are a threat to my father's authority, and I won't let the kingdom be overruled."

At the mention of priests, Zeno backed away further to hide himself even more in the shadows. He'd been kicked out not long ago after the late King Yak-Shi had passed on – a man who had the utmost respect for Zeno and had full faith in his 'messages' from the heavens. Zeno never spoke word of the fact it was a ruse to keep the kingdom peaceful in absence of his brothers. After the next king was brought in, Zeno was tossed aside without explanation. But now it made sense.

This order was unfair. Ordering (Y/N) to destroy a whole temple and banish priests from the land – even she was having a hard time swallowing. "S-Sir?"

"Is there a problem?"

"N-No, not at all, your majesty! I will see to it as soon as I can."

"Not good enough. This is your first order, and I order you to do it immediately."

"Yes, sire!"

"You. Get her a new attire. She needs to look the part," Yu-Hon pointed to a castle guard.

"Of course, Lord Yu-Hon." He walked over to (Y/N) and lead her by the arm to a room somewhere further away.

Zeno sighed, retreating for the time being. This was going to be harder than he thought. If she was seen with the yellow dragon at all, without a doubt will she be relieved from duty immediately. As well as disposed of for her treason.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Her long dress blew in the fierce wind as she stood by and observed the servants beneath her rank, equally in the same boat as she was – just a new recruitment with little to no experience, destroy the temple of the priests. There weren't many to be banished, but there was one who did not put up much of a fight unlike the others.

"Move it, you!" The soldier was being particularly rough with him and (Y/N) watched with sorrowful eyes, wishing that she hadn't gotten herself into this mess. He looked in her direction, and the two met eye contact as he was dragged out of the castle.

"Let me," (Y/N) confronted the soldier and took the priest in her own hands. Trying to keep up the general appearance of her Lord Yu-Hon's right-hand lady, her eyes were stern as she walked the priest out of the castle grounds.

"I'm so sorry," she mouthed silently to the poor priest as they made eye contact.

"Think nothing of it," he replied quietly. "I know you are only doing what is required of you. God holds no ill will towards you."

"Thank you, uhh-"

"Ik-su," he smiled humbly. They reached the exit, and (Y/N) wished she didn't have to literally throw him out. He fell into the dirt as the gates between him and her closed, leaving the priest Ik-Su banished and without a home.

Solemnly returning to where the deconstruction was taking place, Yu-Hon was idly standing by as he watched decent progress being made. She stood by his side, tall and confident like he.

"Once our kingdom gains more land through my father's ruling," her lord began, "land will be rewarded, for you are my Baroness. Your manor will be built promptly."

"Ah, th-thank you, Lord Yu-Hon," she spoke with a calm and collected tone. Satisfied, he returned to his quarters. The last of the standing temple fell with a crash, and (Y/N) sighed at what she had ordered the servants to do. Feeling as though she needed to reflect upon her actions, she strolled away from the eyes of the castle inhabitants and staff.

Now was the yellow dragon's chance.

He crawled through a hole in the wall he had managed to find, and crept around the unguarded parts of the castle where she walked. "Miss," he whispered to get her attention. Her attention was caught, and her hair swayed in synch with her dress in the breeze. She really was young. Seeing a boy about her own age speaking to her in hiding, she looked around to see if she was being watched before cautiously approaching him.

"Who are you...?" she asked.

"That's not important right now, Miss. I'm going to help you get out of here."

"W-What? What do you mean?"

"Lord Yu-Hon is purposely treating your badly. I'm sorry, I'm to blame."

"I'm sorry, I'm really confused. You're... trying to help me?"

"I was the one who made the guard let go of you... so you could get inside the castle grounds." The girl knelt down to Zeno's height, sick of looking down at him both physically and in social status. It was a given, and she had no choice but to abide.

"That... was you?" Zeno looked at the concrete ground as his hood covered his face, shameful of having caused someone so much trouble. Unexpectedly he grabbed her hand and started to gently lead her away.

"I can get you out of here safely – don't worry." She pulled her hand away.

"B-But... I can't-"

"They won't kill you. I'll take you home, Miss!"

"No, I mean... thank you, but..."

"This isn't what you wanted, is it?"

A guard doing his rounds circled a corner and called out on (Y/N) for being too far away from anyone. Zeno quickly hid behind the wall and was luckily unseen, yet the patroller remained obviously suspicious. With guard's back turned, (Y/N) whispered to the yellow-haired teenager. "Meet me back here in this same place tomorrow at dawn. We'll talk then...!" And she quickly retreated back to where she came from.

The yellow dragon watched after her until she was completely out of his sight, and only then did he retreat out of Hiryuu Castle's territory. There was a sense of relief that brought an unusual peace over him, replaying the words in his head of what she had said with such a gentle aura.

"At dawn..."

Yu-Hon was trying to change her, and make her whom he wanted her to be – He could easily rob her of her kindness and true nature, and transform her into someone Hiryuu would not appreciate roaming his castle. Zeno's heart sank. It was the last thing he ever wanted - to disappoint his king. And now, he didn't want to disappoint the girl either.

Before the sun had completely set with its light slowly disappearing from the earth, (Y/N) casually strolled over towards the entrance of the castle – the same place where she made such a fuss to get inside the grounds. Sure enough, she found one rock that stood out on the path. It was a decent size, so she could see why it was so effective a throw. She picked it up, and returned to her quarters.

The night moon had risen and all in the castle grounds were returning to their sleeping quarters. It didn't seem fair to (Y/N) that she had an entire room to herself, whilst every new recruited servant had to share the same room with about twenty or more others. She had no reason to believe herself to be of higher value because of this gracious role she had been appointed. There shouldn't be a reason for her to feel so mistreated, what with the high pay and land she was being given.

Staring at the big beautiful moon, recalling the events that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, she unknowingly started fiddling with the rock in her hand. She was caught off guard when an unusual glint shone in her eye in the moonlight. Looking down in her hands, she noticed that she had brushed off enough dirt to reveal a magnificent blood red shine. Entranced by the beauty of it, she worked hard to clean it as much as possible. She wished to give it to the boy who wanted to help her, to show her gratitude in one way or another.

...

"As the yellow dragon warrior, I was told I was blessed with a strong body, but I didn't look any different like the others. Guen, Abi and Shuten, even King Hiryuu, didn't know what my power really was. But... after Hiryuu fell asleep, I found out for myself..."

"That must've been so hard. I still can't believe you're one of the four dragon warriors. Lord Yu-Hon declared it to be a forbidden text, because he doesn't want King Ju-Nam to be overruled."

".How do you find it here so far, Miss (Y/N)?"

"It's... doable."

"But you weren't expecting it to go this way?"

"Far from it. I just wanted a servant's job to receive any kind of income. But this... it's beyond what I had expected."

The conversation dragged on and on for what felt like countless hours. Since (Y/N) had been rewarded what she was promised from Yu-Hon, her own piece of land, she was able to speak to the banished 'priest' more comfortably. But it still didn't feel right to her to have so much power in her hands, of course still under the loyalty of whom she served.

"Your manor is very big," Zeno pointed out as he looked at the grand design of the mansion."

"It's too big. I talk to myself to make the place feel less lonely, but my echoes just make it sound bigger."

"Well, I'll be sure to come by and keep you company!"

(Y/N) smiled at his burst of cheerfulness. "I like your company, Zeno. Thanks!" After the both of them remained silent, the two realised what Zeno had just said, and began to question the dangers of it. "Umm, Zeno-"

"I won't get caught, don't worry! But..." he sighed and looked at the flowers that blew with the grass in the soil. "I don't want you to get caught either, Miss. You could get into a lot of trouble."

"Oh, come on. I'm the King's son's Baroness! I'm sure I could talk my way out of it somehow, if I ever get caught," she mucked around to brighten the mood a little. Zeno let out a laugh, which made her laugh with him. There was something about his aura that brought so much ease to her anxious mind, and she wanted him to stay around forever... seeing he was able to.

"Miss-"

"Zeno-" Both of them started speaking at the same time over the top of each other, creating a small moment of awkwardness.

"Y-You go first, Zeno."

"N-No, you first, Miss (Y/N)."

"Well..." she paused as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, avoiding eye contact as she looked into the far off distance of the golden field. "I was thinking... what if..."

"Yes...?"

"W-What if you stayed here?"

"Here?"

"Y-Yeah, here! In the manor! You wouldn't have to worry about where you would need to go, and you could rest for a while before you, you know, move on..." Both hearts were thumping furiously at (Y/N)'s offer. More than anything, the little yellow dragon wanted to accept.

"I... I think that'd be really good..."

"But...?"

Zeno hesitated. "I don't think it's a very good idea."

The conversation was put on hold abruptly as a knight was riding on a galloping horse to where the two had their conversation. (Y/N) gasped in surprise. "Zeno, quickly! Hide!" Doing as he was told, he quickly fled from the area, out of sight of the staff from the castle.

"L-Lady (Y/N)!"

"What is it?"

"We're... we're under attack! A powerful family from the south... has directed troops towards Kouka Kingdom...!" the knight explained with puffed out breath. "L-Lord Yu-Hon has requested your presence, my lady...!"

"Quickly, take me back."

"Yes, of course!" Hoisting herself up onto the back of the horse, she held onto him tightly as they made a speedy return to Hiryuu Castle. (Y/N) looked back hoping to see Zeno's face before everything in front of her was to happen, but he had fled completely. She sighed, and looked ahead to see the knights being put into formation and ready for battle.

From a distance, Zeno watched her join her Lord's side, feeling a great disappointment within him. Just from that basic dialogue, he could instantly tell that she was well accustomed to her role as a Liege, what with the many months that had already passed. He wished his circumstances were different, or else he would've said yes to staying with her with no hesitation. But knowing full well that he would have to let go eventually... he couldn't bear to think about it. It was best for him to not get so close, for both of their sakes.

...

"(Y/N)."

"Yes, Lord Yu-Hon."

"My father has left this fight in my hands. You serve as my servant, and so you must follow my every order and command."

"Yes, sir."

"You are to protect me as your master – Make your own calls during this battle if necessary, if it means my safety."

"Sir... I'm afraid I have no experience in fighting-"

"You don't think you can protect me without fighting?"

"N-No, not at all, sir! I will do what I must."

"Good." Turning his back away from her, her strong stance loosened as the severity of the situation just hit her. There was a full possibility that she could die out on the field, protecting the man she wished she didn't have to, all because of her role in the ranks. All she wanted in that very moment, was a hug.

Saddling up her own horse, (Y/N) rode beside Lord Yu-Hon in front of the troops that followed closely behind them. Halting their positions on one side of the field whilst the enemy continued marching forward, Yu-Hon gave his commands. All too quickly, both sides had clashed whilst (Y/N) spectated from the backlines, keeping both eyes wide open for any veiled dangers.

Men from both sides fell to the ground with a painful death ending their lives. She never wanted to see this as a worker in the castle, let alone as the Liege of a powerful general, but what else was she to expect? She quickly noticed that the opposing side started to outweigh their own side. This was (Y/N)'s time.

"For Lord Yu-Hun, the rest of you, pair up and charge to the frontlines!" she yelled in a loud voice to the men behind her. Their battle cries were loud and fierce, catching the opposing side off guard as they charged at full strength. Seeing that her decision was good, Yu-Hon turned to face (Y/N) and nodded in recognition. She all of a sudden felt like she could do anything, seeing that her Lord had finally recognised her efforts.

Moments after (Y/N)'s command, the battle ended with the remaining opposition fleeing from the fight. All except one. "Die, you royal!" a man from behind canyon rocks appeared with a bow ready in hand, the feathered arrow piercing the air at great speed.

It was weird. She never expected to do something like this without hesitation. Maybe it had something to do with Yu-Hon's strong faith in her. In any case, she stood in front of him after he dismounted from his horse, shielding him as much as possible. Surprised gasps from all around her filled the air as she waited for the attack. But it never came.

"Y-You!"

(Y/N) slowly looked behind her, only to find that someone else had stood in front of her instead. Recognising the familiar yellow hair, she freaked as he fell back onto her. "Z-Zeno!" The arrow protruded from his chest, red liquid quickly staining his clothes as he looked up at her.

"S-Sorry, Miss..."

Yu-Hon violently pushed passed, and saw the banished priest with his own eyes. "(Y/N), you know him..!?" Her eyes widened. She had been caught red-handed, and there was nothing good about where this was going to go for her.

"I... I didn't know he was a priest, s-sir!"

"Nonsense. First you disobey my orders in keeping all priests away from the castle, only for you to become better acquainted with this one, and then you lie to your master in denial. This is anything but loyalty."

"S-Sir, please! Let me explain-"

"Take her back to the castle. Punishment will be served when I return after." (Y/N) was forced to drop Zeno onto the ground after her hands were tied up. She thrashed around trying to get out of their grasp, but was silenced with a quick blow to the head.

The yellow dragon yanked the arrow from his chest once no one was left behind him, feeling his chest transform into indestructible scales of the dragon god. He watched after her in distraught as she was taken away. There was only one punishment that was suited for a Baroness of the castle, and Zeno was the one who served it to her.

"Yellow dragon!" His ears twitched when his formal title was called out by the monster Yu-Hon, who was a little further behind than the rest of his army. He pointed his sword to the yellow dragon, still on the ground, threateningly. "Consider this as your punishment also. She will be executed if I ever see or hear of you again." With that, he marched behind his soldiers who had claimed victory.

'She will be'... was that not her punishment to begin with?'

...

"L-Lord Yu-Hon..."

"Yes, what is it? Be quick."

"It's Lady (Y/N), sir. She lays on her deathbed in her manor, my lord."

"I care not what happens to her. Don't waste my time any longer."

"B-But sire, she's your-"

"That will be all, servant."

"Ah, y-yes sir!"

Yu-Hon truly did keep his word. He did not intend to end (Y/N)'s life for her betrayal. Zeno was both ecstatic yet broken-hearted to hear the news quickly get around the castle grounds. She was alive, but that day would be her last. Wasting no time Zeno sprinted towards her manor, seeing how much it had aged after the many years he had not returned for.

He lost count. He didn't think that the earth had turned so fast for this time to already come. She was only a young girl yesterday – not even an adult, but now she was dying. All he wanted was for her to live, even though life was never going to be easy for her from the day she was recruited. He stood outside the mansion for some time making sure that it was silent, minus the raspy coughs of an elderly woman.

The door creaked wide open as he took gentle steps into the large house he remembered she hated so much. He weaved around looking left and right for the room she lay so helplessly in – it was just one giant labyrinth. Finally, a door only slightly open revealed whom he had been looking for, but she was not the same.

"Who's there?" she weakly spoke, causing herself to cough violently. Zeno hesitated at first, his heart wrenching at the sight of her wrinkles, grey hair and deathly pale face. Shakily, he took one step after the other and knelt beside her bed. "I can't see.. w-who's there...?"

"Miss (Y/N)...?" He gently rested his soft, warm hand on top of her fragile, cold ones. She didn't even flinch at his touch, but instead smiled with tears instantly brimming.

"Ah, Zeno..." She feebly raised her hand and literally, blindly searched for his face. He clasped her hand with both of his, and held her hand against his face. She felt droplets of water running over her fingers as she caressed his cheek with her thumb. "Is that tears I feel...?"

"M-Miss, I'm sorry..." his strong front instantly crumbling, he sniffled as whispered sobs escaped him.

"After all this time... I knew you wouldn't leave me..." The dragon warrior couldn't get the words out of his mouth as he rested her frail hand onto his lips.

"I thought they killed you," he whispered.

"No... Turns out that Yu-Hon couldn't let me go." Zeno couldn't tell whether she was coughing or chuckling, but he made himself believe it was the happier possibility. "'Permanent seclusion' was my punishment..."

His stomach churned at the terrible thought of (Y/N), a young beautiful girl, having to live her life in this huge manor, all alone as her life slowly wasted away until this very moment. He could've been there and kept her company, but it was either that or her life would've been cut considerably shorter.

"I-I have something for you."

"What is it...?"

"In the little box... on the dresser..." Zeno looked to the furniture in front of him, and walked over to it by the window. "Don't just stare at it, o-open it up..."

Gently opening the lid, a beautiful red gemstone shone in the sunlight. It was so magnificent that he had no words for what he felt when he looked at it. "This is-"

"That was the so-called rock... you threw at the solider that day..." he closed the lid, and held the small box to his chest. "Th-Think of King Hiryuu... and his beautiful hair you loved when you look at it." Even though she couldn't see it, Zeno silently nodded as the tears streamed down his cheeks.

(Y/N) began coughing uncontrollably, finding it difficult to get her breath back. Zeno shook with fear, terrified that this moment had ended too soon. Rushing to her side, he held her hands, and she soon was calm once again.

"Zeno... the window... open it for me?" He did as he was told, and the beautiful scent of nature instantly filled the room with its tranquillity. She exhaled, as though she were ridding of every bit of oxygen she had left. Her breathing had slowed right down, and her chest was barely rising and falling.

"(Y/N)...?"

"I can see the sky..." her hand was shakily pointing to the ceiling above her. Zeno strolled over to the bed, and lay by her side as her last breath was approaching. "Hiryuu... The sun... It's warm like you..."

His fingers intertwined with her unmoving hand lying beside her, softly grasping onto what warmth she had left in her body. "I love you..."

"I-I know, yellow dra-gon..." her head rested on his shoulder as she heaved. "I... loved..."

And the final breath was drawn.

My Yona of the Dawn x Reader List for more one-shots! Check it out!

#zeno #yona #yona of the dawn #akatsuki no yona #fanfic #yellow dragon #x reader #yona fanfic

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the-cryptographer · 6 years

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wrapped up playing final fantasy ix

yeah, idk, at some point it became clear to me that the game wasn’t really heading in the directions i wanted it to. that was... a while ago, lol. but i’m usually committed to finishing these things once i start them, even if they’re less than what i’d hoped.

on the game side of things... it’s a final fantasy game. it’s got all the regular final fantasy stuff going on. for this one in particular, i guess i like this type of ability system. otherwise it’s your standard, mostly-mindless turned based combat. summons take way to long to play. as usual i tend to favour physical combat interspersed with a healer that can cast holy. but i ended up relying a lot on Frog Drop and Dragon Crest, heh. my favourite team is something like Eiko and pick 2 {Quina, Freya, Amarant}.

Also this final fantasy gets credit for finally getting me to like moogles. they are... so cute in this. Stiltzkin is pretty great, as was Mogmi and Moguta being silly in love, but my absolute favourite was Moorock, who gets so gd excited about writing a letter and loudly exclaims ‘I love Mognet!’ even though he’s never heard of it before. why are he and Mozme not on disk four tho?! tell me they made it out okay D’x Although, hmm, I’m not sure why we trusted Artemicion with more superslick at the end there. Since he apparently he got high snorting the last bottle. god, don’t trust the addict with more of his substance.

idk, I guess I’ll go through the story characters. and just... kind of hope I cover everything that way.

Quina

I... love them. And I tend to like gag characters but... I love them. Such ambition... to eat everything. So cute. So silly. So relatable. I also really like the nightgown/smock kind of thing going on. Need more characters dressed like granny that are trying to eat us out of house and home.

Amarant

Um... there seemed to be a lot going on in this sector of the story that kind of... needed more time. Or otherwise needed cutting out, probably. I find it conceptually interesting, at least: loners being confronted with the boundaries of their... determination to be alone. So I like him in spite of myself. But Zidane’s played a pretty shitty trick on him, once upon a time, and it’s a little hard to justify the kind of devotion Amarant has in lieu of that. Because... yes... it is devotion... somehow. And it’s a little hard to buy the way he becomes so easily enamored with how Zidane’s mind works with so little development.

Eiko

Mmm, again, there was some interesting stuff here about her growing up alone, and the way she immediately clung to Zidane as a way to escape that loneliness. But her crush on him is taken a bit too seriously by the narrative, like she’s really in love with him, and that gets a bit creepy, imo. The stuff with Mog is interesting, but kind of too much trying to tug on the heartstrings when the heartstrings haven’t been wound and tuned, if you know what I mean. I suppose, at the end of the day, I didn’t end up liking her all that much. But feel like I could have and should have if they had written her even a little better.

Freya

I love this aesthetic... so much. Kind of a mix of red mage and dragoon, both of which I love individually, plus rat person. She is one of my faves on this basis alone. In terms of her actual personality... it’s so sparse and inconsistent. Ah, there are some landmarks I like - the kind of quiet and sternly professional bits, the loyalty to her homeland, she has some good moments deciding to fight after the destruction of Cleyra, and talking with Amarant too. Just- I’m left feeling like she was never pushed to a workable extreme anywhere in the narrative, and so she doesn’t really have any clear, defining personality characteristic. It’s more like... a lot of shit happens to her, and she’s sad but not too sad, and strong but not too strong. And it’s kind of lacklustre at the end of the day.

Steiner

I don’t really know how to say this except to say it. He’s funny and sweet at times. Overly distracted by rules and decorum, of course. But he also veers hard into being rather annoying to watch at times. He is... not a practical person. Overall, I’m kind of impressed with his bit in the story, though. Even if it fades as the narrative progresses. His relationship with Beatrice was kind of a bright spot in the narrative as a whole for me. I maybe... can’t help but like the fact that this hypercompetent, beautiful lady falls for his bumbling ass. Beatrice in general strikes a neat line between being chilly and needy and, really, way too good for anyone else in the cast.

Vivi

A great character and... ultimately a huge copout. There was a lot of build up to Vivi dying and, ultimately, it felt rather unsatisfying. It felt like they were trying to rob the sadness out of it by limiting what they showed us of him in the epilogue to his breed of offspring. But, even before then, they touched on so many themes about him in a way that really attempted to distance itself from the fear of human mortality. Like, this isn’t something that only happens to weird artificially constructed lifeforms. Human being sometimes find out they only have a couple months or a year left to live, and have to come to terms with that. Hell, all of humanity is on a timer - and not once did anyone really say to Vivi, ‘yeah, it’s true for all of us. We could all die at any moment. We’re only going to last so long, whether it’s a year or ten or a hundred.’ Kuja came kind of close to communicating some of this ‘i’m going to die, just like the Black Mages’. But never in a way that emotionally impacted Vivi, which ws kind of shitty writing, imo.

Dagger/Garnet

I don’t know. She’s rather generic. Which... doesn’t necessarily preclude my attachment in of itself. But, yeah, she’s generic in a way that doesn’t resonate with me, heh. She leans super hard on Zidane the whole narrative, and it’s really not even a little fun. There was some interesting stuff with Ramuh, and with Eiko and her being from the same summoner clan, and her relationship with her mother was great as well. I liked that Dagger got to be sad about Brahne - because let her be sad about losing the people who loved her and who she loved. But... Brahne herself is such a conundrum. I don’t dislike her character and her design as a whole. But I don’t like the game’s ‘fat and ugly are evil’ vibes. And I also don’t like the way she’s immediately forgiven in the public eye, and the eyes of the narrative, once she dies. She... literally destroys cities and kills thousands of people. That’s not really forgivable.

But, regarding Garnet... I started liking her a bit more once she cut her hair and started smiling in her in-game portrait. so, if nothing else, we know I am very shallow.

Zidane

Aaaaand, if I wasn’t already, this is where I start really running into problems. When you don’t really like the main character. When you’re not invested in the main character’s romance that is front and centre of the story and its ending. When you really don’t believe the strength of the emotional connections between the cast that the game is attempting to sell you on... It just makes it really hard to enjoy things. Zidane often seems dismissive, in his own head, and even shallow in the way he attempts to relate to the rest of the cast. It’s everyone else that has to come around to his way of thinking and learn from him, rather than the narrative making much of an effort to teach him about how to actually empathise with others. and it’s kind of grating then that we hear them praise him so casually.

I think, then, combined with the womanising aspect of his character... I don’t know, because I’m certainly not opposed to somebody wanting to sleep with all the ladies. That is an A+ relatable feeling. But, for someone that’s so casual about cozying up to every woman he runs across, I was left feeling like the only woman he had any kind of legitimate connection to was Garnet. (The game tells us he’s good friends with Freya, but does it really show us why? or how?) Which is... I suppose why Garnet, and not Ruby and Freya, was propped up as being Zidane’s major romance. But... idk, it feels a little too much like entitlement. He’s allowed to hit on all the ladies and look good while doing it, while he has a serious relationship developing with Dagger and she’s arguably right there to see him hit on other women, and he also has basically no interest in providing any kind of emotional support or developing any kind of connection with pretty much any woman (except maybe Dagger). Combine this with Cid cheating on Hilda and then she jealously turns him into a beetle - but, wait, this is a happy marriage, the game tells us. and the fact that the game’s major villain is pointedly described as ‘not a skirt chaser like you’... it’s just deifying an entitled straight boy ‘boys will be boys’ kind of attitude when that’s already an accepted social norm. and it’s kind of disgusting. I think there are better ways to talk about infidelity and promiscuity and the desire for the ladies, ones that are still sympathetic to all the parties involved. I think the final fantasy series /has/ talked about it better. With Edgar, who wants to get with all the ladies, but who lets Terra and Celes into his protection and the bounty of Figaro castle without touching either of them, and who is pointedly single even though he’s the sole heir of a kingdom and pushing thirty. And with Tidus, who had a power fantasy dream where Yuna and Rikku are hanging off each of his arms as they roast his father, but that’s before he gets to know each of them better as people. once he does the objectification wanes. I’m not saying that Edgar and Tidus are perfect heroes and wonderfully written, but I think this aspect of them was delivered with more nuance and a more critical eye, and it makes a huge difference.

Also... Are you a team player, Zidane? Or are you just a team player until you’re angry, or decide your pride is on the line? For a kind of ‘friendship is everything’ message, it certainly gets muddled everytime Zidane’s in a snit. Running back into Ispen Castle alone was a weird moment when we’re just getting done telling Amarant not to run around alone. Only okay when I do it(tm) And when he’s being kind of an insufferable bastard at the end of disc 3... just... why are you chasing after him guys? and why, after all that hoopla about accepting his friends’ help, does he deny it when going after Kuja at the end? I'm not saying that there aren’t things one needs to do alone just- why is Zidane always right when he says he needs to do things alone, but everyone else is wrong when they say the same thing? it’s a terrible case of protagonist-centred morality, and it’s really terrible and trite.

idk, I just- I understand why people are sick of the angsty final fantasy heroes after Cloud and Squall (the former I love, the latter I don’t). But I feel Zidane basically fell short in every way that wasn’t being upbeat and energetic, and I’m not sure what everyone sees in him.

Kuja

I can’t help but like this flamboyant bastard. God, he... soooo did not need a tacked on redemption arc. Again, mass genocide isn’t really forgivable. He is a terrible person. full stop. But I’m irrationally pleased he got some sympathy from the narrative anyhow. He’s just... I never liked Sephiroth, but Kuja has convinced me I could have liked Sephiroth if Sephiroth had even a fraction of a personality in ff7.

other than that... the wind/earth/water/fire shrine part of the game was weird. give me real dungeons, devs. also the coffee sidequest is nigh impossible to complete and then the game guilted me, and i hate that.

in the end, i suppose i feel the game was messy. the tone whip-lashed quick between whimsy and pure horror - which should be my jam but, idk, it didn’t work here for me. and a lot of the major characters and storylines lacked depth, or otherwise lacked nuance, or otherwise lacked payoff. it’s kind of hard to watch so much effort and so many good ideas flop so hard, but it flopped hard for me. i don’t get the hype about this game.

#meta lite #ff9

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weloseeveryweek · 7 years

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my football day

I was thinking of my football day, especially now that the season is over, and whether I have any rituals and somewhere along the way realized that each version started and ended with my jersey. So bear with me as I talk about this seemingly cliche topic, literally the most obvious answer in many ways when one thinks about this topic.

You see I’m not a person of many rituals. I have patterns of how and where I watch my games, what I do beforehand sure, but they are in part a function of circumstance. How early the game is, where I am physically (and mentally) on that day and whether Fubo has the game – none of it set in stone. Nothing that will feel too out of place if I skip as long as I’m watching the game one way or the other.

Except when it comes to my jerseys and there I’ve realized I have a ton of rituals and arbitrary rules that are nonetheless quite strict. While thinking about what I was going to write for this prompt I realized two things. For one I was adhering to these rules without exactly thinking about it for quite a while and also that in some way the jersey is the closest that comes to a sacred object for me, but more about that later. For this very reason I love hearing about how other fans connect to their jerseys too? The similarities and the differences.

I need to see the game in a jersey for sure. Hence a couple of days before the game I need to make sure that the jersey is clean. It’s the one thing that makes me do laundry midweek without uttering a long string of expletives, this, and I also quite enjoy carefully turning my jersey inside out, putting it in the wash, always in cold water, and then carefully hanging it to dry, the damp fabric soft under my hands, a ritual of care that I hope minimizes the wear and tear.

For similar reasons the jersey is not to be worn on non-match days. I absolutely love having the United crest over my heart, it gives me courage and strength and like even on a shitty day I can run my hand over the embroidery and it makes me feel just that bit better, instantaneously. But that is why I have regular team articles of clothing collected over time from various stores, just so that I can go around with that crest over my heart without inflicting additional tear to my dear old jersey. (There are of course those days where I break this rule, where the additional wear is worth the additional bit of strength having that red fabric gives me to carry me through whatever unhappiness the day may hold in store, but it’s a last resort of sorts.)

This makes no sense, by the way, and it’s not something I told many people about because the crest kind of acts like a cross worn around my neck and why should a piece of football garb fulfill the role of a religious artifact? When the club is a profit making institution and it neither knows nor cares about me? It makes no sense and yet it is.

You can just get a new jersey, yeah? I can also hear you asking and the answer is well yes I suppose so but also no. Because it’s not any old jersey I’m talking about and I’m very particular about what I get to call /my jersey./ Like if you wanted to be exceptionally cruel you would gift me twenty original jerseys tomorrow one for each season or one for each player in the squad with the condition that I keep them all and I’d break down in tears because there would be no way I’d be able to *own* them all but as jerseys of my team they’d all deserve care and respect. God, I’m shuddering just thinking about it.

For me to *own* a jersey there is a bond that needs to develop. I really don’t like blank jerseys so to begin with it needs to carry the name and the number of a player I revere, someone who fights for the team and loves it like I do. For Manchester United that is Michael Carrick. I don’t know what it is, a promise (again to a man who could care less about my existence?), solidarity? And again I can’t wear the jersey of someone I’ve never toiled alongside with (if shouting at the TV from a pub counts as ‘toiling.’) I am dying to get a retro Gary Neville jersey but I’m not sure if I could ever put it on because I simply wasn’t there. I haven’t earned the right to it. Similarly getting the jersey of someone who just came to the team is out of question, because in a way the person whose jersey I’m getting needs to earn my respect too.

Then I need to wear it in, wear it week in week out because the way I see it everything that happens on the pitch when I have that jersey on gets stitched into the fabric. My first ever (I mean I only have two, but…) United jersey, Carrick’s from last season, was on me in every home game I went to last year. When my ass was freezing at Leigh watching the U21s because I did not estimate how cold it would get at night. When I sat in Edinburgh waiting for my train and screamed when Martial scored a last minute equalizer in the FA cup on the tiny screen of my phone. Or in the many games we let go at the last minute this year. When I had a cold and should have stayed at home but was screaming at the top of my lungs as the lads lifted the Big Vase. The list goes on and on.

That Carrick jersey has been through so much with me that it feels as though it sucked up the memories it witnessed to the point that now it’s made less of red polyester and more of joy and anxiety, the heartbreak, the love and even the horror my team made me feel. To me I realized (while it perhaps makes little sense to my fellow more sensible fans) the jersey is a physical manifestation of the covenant between me and my team. It’s a pledge I make to be by its side and in return it’s belonging to an idea bigger than myself and bigger than the eleven men currently running along in Old Trafford. I support Fenerbahce too for example but this year when I fell further and further apart from the team I could barely touch let alone put on my beloved Kuyt jersey, the Fener equivalent of Carrick. In many ways I felt, the team, or rather it’s fans, had failed me, and I had failed the team by not being there for them in glory and defeat. I cannot describe the rush of excitement when I finally reconnected enough to watch a random game that didn’t matter towards the end of the season and I could finally, finally put on my Kuyt jersey again.

Maybe I hope one day I can watch enough old games to convince myself I too get to rock a retro jersey, or more likely spend enough time with the team that 15/16 Carrick becomes *the* retro jersey I always rock with pride. In the meanwhile I need to get another jersey and wear my Rashy one more often because like no way I’m getting the Carrick jersey wear away before it’s time. It will be there with me when I’m 80.

Wow this got long and I don’t know…what to make of it myself? I’m strange as is that much I know, following these oddly specific rules about what is essentially a piece of fabric but perhaps football, our teams, make us do strange things as well.

#an interesting take on the question!#and an interesting point about retro jerseys!#I never really thought of it that way before #manchester united #football #prompt response #submission

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