#call me a fake nerd if you want but I like the humor and digestibility

[solena2]

So.

Tommy isn’t Theseus. Every time I see Techno’s analogy about Tommy being Theseus brought up I’m filled with endless rage and I’ve DECIDED!

That it’s about time I explained just why it’s so objectively incorrect.

-

First: a bit of backstory on Theseus, because I doubt many of you actually know much about him beyond what Techno said in his “so you want to be a hero” speech, which left out a lot of relevant details.

Theseus was a demigod with two fathers and one mother. His fathers were king Aegeus of Athens and the sea god Poseidon, and his mother was Aethra, Aegeus’ wife. Aethra raised Theseus on her own, far from Athens to avoid him being assassinated.

Aegeus left him nothing but a sword with the Athenian crest and a pair of sandals, buried under a rock so no one else could get them.

When Theseus came of age, he took the sword and sandals and headed up to Athens, slaying various monsters along the way. (It pains me to abbreviate it that much, but Techno left out everything before the Minotaur so it won’t help me much in debunking his analogy.)

Once he got to Athens, he met up with his dad, chased out his stepmom Medea, (yes, that Medea) and killed some people. Then comes the relevant part.

Crete had won a war against Athens a while back, and because of this, every seven years Athens was forced to send 14 tributes to be killed by the Minotaur. (Yes, this inspired the Hunger Games)

Theseus decided he’d volunteer and kill the Minotaur, thus ending the tribute system for good and getting one over on Athens. He promised his dad that if he won, he’d come back in a ship with white sails, as opposed to the standard mourning black that signified the death of the tributes.

So he went to Crete, met king Minos and his daughters Ariadne and Phaedra, and got sent into the labyrinth. Ariadne gave him a magic ball of string that kept him from getting lost, allowing him to find the Minotaur and then safely get out afterwards, providing he could kill it.

He killed it, led his other 13 tributes out, and sailed back home. On the way, Athena told him to leave Ariadne stranded on a tiny island in the middle of the ocean, so he immediately did so, because Theseus was an asshole.

He got home, his dad committed suicide because Theseus forgot the white sails and his dad assumed he’d died, Theseus became king and married Phaedra, and then the fun began, because again, Theseus was an asshole.

First, he cheated on Phaedra with Hippolyta, queen of the Amazons, so she left and took the kids. Next, he and his other asshole friend Pirithous decided to kidnap themselves some new wives. Theseus decided on Helen of Troy, who was a child at the time, and Pirithous decided on Persephone, which resulted in both him and Theseus getting stuck in the Underworld for a while due to pissing off Hades.

Once he got back up, he killed his son for fucking his wife, which is messed up on many levels, and then left Athens because his people were rightfully not super okay with that.

Then he goes and meets Lycomedes, who throws him off a cliff.

-

Next, let’s talk about Techno’s speech a bit.

He starts off by accusing Tommy of being a power hungry dictator (paraphrased), before asking him if he wants to be a hero.

Then, he provides what is apparently the archetypal example of heroism, something often associated with selflessness, kindness, and generally giving at least one singular solitary fuck about other people.

Theseus! Heroic hero who does heroic things, like, uhhh *checks notes* cheating on his wife, kidnapping children with plans to forcefully marry them, leaving people alone on tiny islands with no supplies, killing his kid, etc. etc...

So we’re off to a great start.

Then, he gives a short summary of Theseus’ life and times! He skips the first part of his life completely, which is hilarious to me because it’s the only time Theseus ever did anything actually heroic or selfless, and gets straight to the meat!

“Let me tell you a story, Tommy. A story of a man called Theseus. His country was in danger, he sent himself forward! Into enemy lines. He slayed the Minotaur! And saved his city. You know what they did to him, Tommy? They exiled him. He died in disgrace, despised by his people. That’s what happens to heroes, Tommy.”

-Technoblade

So first off, he doesn’t mention... really anything other than the Minotaur and the exile, which is leaving out a lot of relevant details, like why Theseus was exiled. (You know, killing his son in cold blood?)

Second, he doesn’t give details in general. Not that he should’ve given a full telling, or anything, but I’m always surprised by the shortness of this speech when I go back and listen to it. He pretty much just gives the barest bones of an argument and expects his audience to take it at face value. (Which they do, but it’s still bad practice)

From the more accurate (if still brief) summary if Theseus’ life I’ve just given, I’m sure you can see why this might be more than a bit dubious, as an analogy. Given cc!Technoblade is literally an English major, and doubtless knows significantly more about the myth than I do, I’d imagine this was never intended to be taken at face value.

Over and over again, c!Techno proves himself to be an unreliable narrator, and over and over again, the fandom at large takes his word as gospel.

-

Now, as far as a more in depth argument for Tommy as Theseus goes, I will attempt to debunk that as well, because there are some genuinely good points to be made.

First of all, most people make Dream out to be the Minotaur. Given the time this speech was made, I imagine Schlatt was the intended target of that, but with latter events in mind, Dream does make much more sense.

I’d say this is honestly pretty fair, but I don’t think Tommy takes the role of Theseus in that narrative. I’d argue he’s much more analogous to the role of Ariadne, giving the tools required to defeat Dream but ultimately not doing so through his own power, but because someone chose to take those tools and make use of them. This also provides the very interesting characterization of Punz as Theseus, which is an incredibly unique take that I hope some a Punz enthusiast does something with, because I don’t know enough about his lore to make a good analysis on that.

The idea of Schlatt as the Minotaur, as was probably intended by Techno at the time, makes much more sense, though I still think other characters fit the role better. Firstly, Schlatt wasn’t killed, he died of a heart attack, and if someone had killed him I think it’s more likely to have been Wilbur or Techno who did it than Tommy, as Tommy was still very hopeful and idealistic at the time, at least compared to his character now. You could posit Tommy as Ariadne again in this situation, given he was the one to mastermind the final charge, and though I think Tommy as Ariadne is an idea that’s worth further exploration, I’d say Fundy futs the Ariadne role here much better, with him giving the spy’s diary before being effectively shunned and left out in the cold by both Pogtopia and Manburg, much like Ariadne was abandoned in the original myth.

I’d posit the Theseus in this scenario as Techno, Wilbur, or possibly Philza, as they were the ones to actually kill things in the 16th, though Techno and Wilbur’s killings were more in the metaphorical sense, taking the second life of L’manburg.

As for the exile, Tommy exile was alike to that of Theseus only in concept. Both were sent from their kingdoms for a crime, resulting in a falling out with someone close to them, and had a precarious relationship with heights while they were gone, but that’s about where the similarities end and even then they’re superficial.

First of all, Tommy’s exile was far more because Dream was looking for an excuse to do it than because briefing actually means anything on the SMP, given how Dream had been griefing bases and blaming Tommy for it for a while before it went down. (Fun fact, Bad and Skeppy were going to burn one of his discs over this, but one of them got sick so they had to cancel the stream.)

Theseus’ exile, on the other hand, was entirely deserved, especially when you consider how serious a crime killing family was in Ancient Greek culture. It was pretty much the biggest no-no in existence, and I’m almost surprised he wasn’t just straight up executed for it.

Second, Tommy’s falling out with Tubbo was almost entirely due to outside forces, (Dream) rather than because anything Tommy had done. Though Tommy’s cavalierness towards the trial and attempts to threaten Dream with Spirit doubtless didn’t help things, Dream surrounding L’manburg in obsidian walls and threatening them to exile Tommy was entirely his own choice, and not something that can be pinned on Tommy, no matter what the apologists may say.

Meanwhile, Theseus’ falling out with Phaedra had begun long before his exile with him cheating on her. Him killing his son was merely the last in a long line of dominos to completely destroy their relationship.

Last, Tommy nearly killing himself is very different from Theseus being pushed off a cliff. Tommy’s near suicide was the direct result of physical and emotional abuse at the hands of c!Dream for what was canonically, I believe, several months? (Correct me if I’m wrong on that one.) Tommy almost jumping off a pillar because he was deliberately isolated from his support systems is nothing like Theseus being killed because he was a cocky asshole who thought he was god.

-

So that’s why I don’t think Tommy is anything like Theseus, and why I’m filled with endless rage by the completely uncritical acceptance of this parallel, but it’s not the whole reason it pisses me off.

It also pisses me off because, as stated earlier, cc!Techno is an English major. He knew what he was doing with this. The fandom’s insistence on refusing to acknowledge his character as an unreliable narrator is, in my opinion, acting as a massive kneecap to what could be a great analysis of how he thinks.

Specifically: why does c!Technoblade think Tommy is like Theseus?

Of all the Greek heroes to pick, why that one? Was it just the tantalizing opportunity to parallel Schlatt with a horned monster, or was it because c!Techno has some genuine in-character reason to think this myth specifically applies to Tommy.

Now, we all know people in the SMP have a habit of analogizing Wilbur and Tommy. The assumption Tommy wanted to be president, the belief that Tommy nominated Tubbo directly, the belief that he was intentionally deceiving Techno about Pogtopia’s intentions regarding Manburg... all of these stem from Wilbur. There are more cases of this, of course, but several analyses have been done in the subject already, and this is long enough without more padding.

So why does Techno think Tommy is Theseus? Well, it’s simple, isn’t it?

Wilbur is Theseus.

To be continued, because this is already too long and my brain hurts.

#original post #dream smp #dream smp analysis #technoblade #tommyinnit #technoblade critical #(i guess. honestly I didn’t say much about techno himself in this but just to be safe) #dsmp #dsmp analysis #dream smp meta #dsmp meta #my writing #can you tell i don’t like Theseus much #hated to leave out his early life stuff because it’s genuinely super interesting but it wasn’t really relevant so I had to cut it :( #if you want a more detailed description of Theseus I’d recommend the rick riordan book on Greek heroes #it’s not the most scholarly work but it gives the bare bones of the myths in an accessible way that doesn’t take an English degree to read #call me a fake nerd if you want but I like the humor and digestibility #there are typos in this post and I Do Not Care

[1a-little-obsessed1-blog]

School with the MAGCON boys pt 1

hey im Zahra. im 15 born and brought up in London, England. my father travels alot for work which means i have to go with him, my mother isnt here with me anymore she died while giving birth to me but ive learnt to stop thinking bout her as much...im proud of my father, although i may have been an accident he doesn't treat me like one, he treats me amazingly he’s been there for me through thick and thin, hes taught me so much and when we’re traveling from country to country ive been enrolled in so many classes, including self defense classes to help myself become a stronger female as a whole. I have the grades of a high level collage students so im basically never behind on my studies. my father had me at age 17 with my mum who was 16 at the time, they had the most beautiful love story yet so real, my father a man of his word, a gentleman he charmed my mother and they had me. after i was born my father didnt know what to do so i lived with my grandparents most of my life seeing my father come home from school tired but he always smiled when he saw me.

more on school. I was moving to a highschool in Chicago,i was looking forward to it but i felt that i would be very left out, i was the dork. my hair was black, long, thick and wavy with a few red highlights, my eyes were dark and my lashes were long. i had a very petite body, tiny waist and small hips. i was a decent height only 5′7ft  one could cal me innocent and i agree its ture heck i haven't even had my first kiss yet!

the school i went to was more of a local school with the usual crownds from what i could tell. There were the Jocks, popular bitchy girls, the nerds, emo’s and the “freaks”. i walk in with my Dad i wore blue jeans, a white top, bomber jacket, white vans, a small hand bag and my huge geeky glasses. i didnt wear much make up just a bit of eyeliner and highlighter. We were given a tour of the school, it wasnt that big but i knew i was still gonna get lost.

i get to my first lesson late. as always. I knock on the door and enter. “oh, and who must you be sweetie?” said the teacher at the front. 

“hello, im Zahra im new here.” i say, my British accent standing out.

“ok hunny! go have a seat and ill be right with you im Miss Dina,”

I Nod and take a seat at the back. that was the only available seat. i adjust my glasses and get a pen, pencil and ruler out of my bag. i look around realizing there were a few familiar faces. That’s when it hit me, i realized there were a few viners here, Matthew Espinosa, Jack J and Shawn Mendes. i look to my left and  felt a tingly sensation in my stomach as i took a closer look at who sat right beside me. Nash Grier. OMFG i felt really shy but then i snapped out of my shock and returned to what the teacher was saying.”Now Class who can Name the three enzymes needed for digestion along with their uses?”

my hand shot right up in the air without me thinking. “Yes Zahra?”

“the first enzyme is Carbohydrase this breaks down starch and sugar, the second is  Protease this breaks down proteins and lastly is lipase this breaks downs Fats and Lipids.”

“Excellent!”

i felt everyone’s eyes piercing at me i could feel my face slowly becoming a tomato. i felt really panicky and queasy, my panic attacks were bad but i didnt need one now of all times, ive barley been in the classroom 20 mins. i started to lower my adrenaline levels and i slowly returned to my normal state. I was given an exercise book to write in but i didnt need it. my grades were amazing and i already knew all of this. but i still wrote as much as i could. it was about 5 mins until the lesson was over so i started packing my things up.i  reaching my bag and looked at my planner, it was a small planner but it was sentimental to me it had pictures of me and my classmates in France, Germany, Beijing and Poland. I missed them but i cant get attached to people too quickly. its not good for me at all. I flip through the pages to see if i had any empty time slots that’s when  i saw a particular name pop up (my dad writes stuff in here to keep me on track) says the Jhonson family are coming for a meeting. i mean it was cool but i was praying that it wasn’t the family of the person who i think it is. I her my pencil drop on the floor and i lean under the table to look for it. “uh.. here.” i look up and Nash was holding the pencil. i take it from him and put it in my bag. “Thanks...”

“So your british?”

“yeah. well i havn’t seen London in 6 years...” I reply.

“ what do you mean?” he asked me.

“I Travel alot, so i go to a few different schools in different countries, but im usually home schooled if my dad is free.”

the bell rings and our class was dismissed. I head out of the classroom and start walking through the hallway, i see a crowd of guys. i push through them minding my own business before i hear a few murmers. “Thats the new chick!” another voice said “Damn she looks finee” i hear another say “She’s probably a hoe” i feel anger build up inside me waiting to be released. but i just keep walking faster and faster. 

----Later----

It’s lunch time and im alone. So much for being socially awkward. I had a lunch packed in my bag, Salad and water along with a small can of pringles. i look for somewhere to sit but everywhere was taken... i felt like shit but then again Having no one to leave is better than having a ton of friends who ill have to say goodbye to. I feel a light tap on my shoulder i turn around and see a girl she looked a little older than me but definitely around 16 or 17. she had curly hair and freckles.”Hey! I haven’t seen you around are you new..?” she says with a bit of cheer in her voice. “Why yes im Zahra, and you are?” i ask her. “My name is Mahogany LOX im 16 you ca Call me LOX, your accent is adorable!!”she squeals. “Thanks...” i say. “come sit with me and Shawn.” 

I followed her to a table where she sat down next to Shawn. she introduced me to him and we all were like bestfriends.. the vibes they were giving out were so warm and positive. I talked to them about life and school and about who i am and what i like to do. i felt like i could talk to them for hours. We ended up swapping numbers at the end of lunch. my last lesson of the day was calculus which meant more stuff i already knew. 

----end of the day----

it seemed like Mahogany and Shawn got along with everyone but i seemed to be the awkward one. i was walking out to the parking lot of the school when im approached by Jack G. “Hello there...” 

“Uh.. hi?” i say

“So you wanna met up some time late and go to my place?” he says with an arrogant tone.

“Sorry im not Netflix and chill sessions and by the way i dont think im gonna let you into my pants that quickly.” I say.

he attempts to put his arms aroung my waist before my fighting instincts kick in and i grab his hand and twist it. he   shrieked in pain and moved aside.

“So i see your playing hard to get...” he says with a little bit of annoyance in his voice.

“No i just dont fall for fuckboys like you.” i walk to my bike and cycle home.

i get home and put my helmet on a little table by the front door. “PaPa are you home?!” i shout across the house.

“im in the kitchen hunny! go put something nice on we have guests coming over!” My dad says.

“Ok dad but promise me you wont bring up anything to do with my grades” i say.

“how can  i not when i have such an amazing daugher?” he asks.

“whatever dad im going upstairs see ya in 5 mins”

i run up to my room and look through my cupboard. i choose a pastel blue dress with a pair of black tights and i put my hair up in a pony tail leaving my fringe out.. i run downstairs and join my dadin the kitchen. i sit on a chair and watch him cook. “so how was your first day?” he asks.

“a bit awkward at first but actually pretty good. and i made two friends.” i say with a little grin on my face.

“Any boys?” he asks with a bit of sarcasm in his tone.

“Dad if there were i would’ve told you, but as i said for the millionth time, guys aren’t into me im ugly.” my cheer went down and he turned around and hugged me.

“my beautiful girl is growing up thinking she’s ugly? im a terrible father!!!”

“No papa your an amazing dad!”

“My baby girl is growing up... i will always love you. you look just like your mother. you know that right?” i see his eyes glisten with tears.

“I know dad... i know. now dont cry otherwise im gonna get emotional!” i say trying to put a little bit of humor into the situation.

“Well i thnk ive passed on the wrong genes. have fun dealing with being an emotional wreck.” i see him smiling and i giggle.

the door bell rings and i run to answer the door and i see a woman with a smile on her face standing there holding the hand of who i presume was her husband, and right there i saw...Jack.

“Mr and Mrs Jhonson?” i plastered a fake smile and shook their hands. my dad came from no where and escorted them to the dining room. I walk tot the dining room and get my phone out before my dad starts speaking. “This is my daughter Zahra shes just been enrolled iin our local Highschool.”

“She’s in my biology class” Says Jack. 

i look up and look back down at my phone and start texting Mahogany.but no reply. i go up to my room and sit downon the windowsill as i watch the clouds slowly shift out of sight. i sit there for about 20 min until i hear knocking on the door.i walk over to the door and open it. “Hey..” jack said leaning on the door frame. 

“What do you want?” i say slightly annoyed.

“just wanna chill...” he says trying to act cool.

“Well i have better things to do and besides do you really wanna end up like your friend or worse?” i say slamming the door.

---- 2 hours later ----

Finally they’re gone and now i can return to my normal life. i get ready for bed and put on my “more revealing” night wear on. i fall asleep at 9:30 setting alarm for 6:30.

#nash grier #cameron dallas #jack gilinsky #jack johnson #mahogany lox #matthew espinosa #carter reynolds #taylor caniff #hayes grier #shawn mendes #arron carpenter #magcon #nash grier imagine #magcon imagines