#like yeah maybe i am. that's not as meaningful as you might think.

[confinesofmy]

when someone says they think you're their platonic soul mate but you experience that in roughly 10% of all close relationships are you supposed to be like 😄 haha okay or are you supposed to be like yeah many people have felt that way about me. like. are you obligated to inform them that this is a commonly observed phenomenon orrrr.

#like yeah maybe i am. that's not as meaningful as you might think. #what was the name of that genderless person way back in the day? community friend or whatever? that's me i fear #i am a communal twin soul #all because i am a strange but relatively non-threatening person in a small town #relatively bc i frighten men who suck #and have radical and somewhat violent polit ical beliefs #but not ☝️ the ones most people here have #adam yaps

[viviennevermillion]

wide awake

notes: sorry i haven't posted any writing in a while, chapter 7 part 2 hit me like a burning truck full of chemicals racing at 200km/h towards an elementary school.

word count: 9,2k words

about this work: this was inspired by katy perry's "wide awake" as a contrast to malleus' humming of "once upon a dream." set during and after chapter 7. i don't know how this chapter is going to proceed so i'm going out on a limb here but yeah

synopsis: you woke up to the world crashing down on you, realizing what malleus had done. he had wanted you to be happy forever in a dream...when all along your dream had been him...will you ever forgive him?

contains: malleus draconia x (gn)fae!reader, angst to fluff, fighting and making up

warnings: angst. lots of angst. also chapter 7 spoilers. themes of loss

dark content creators & consumers dni

...thunder rumbling, castles crumbling; i am trying to hold on. god knows that i tried seeing the bright side; i'm not blind anymore....falling from cloud nine...

Falling in love with a crown prince had never been on your list of predictions for your school years at Night Raven College. If you were to be honest, you had been surprised that there were even other fairies attending the school. For most of your life, it had always just been you. The people came and passed you by and as the years went on; you’d gotten used to it. People came into your life and they never stayed for long. That didn’t make their bonds with you any less meaningful. In a way, they lived on through you. Through your memories and the stories you told of them to younger generations. And it always made you smile to see how people listened with awe about the ones you held dear in the past and learnt to love the same things about them as you did. 

With each bond you had, you grew and learnt and as long as you did, nothing was truly ever lost. The world around you changed as you helped it grow as best as you could while you stayed roughly the same. But Malleus Draconia had changed you. When he came into your life, you knew not soon after that your world wouldn’t be the same again. 

You remembered the day you had met him for the first time. Not long after the entrance ceremony, you had used the lively dinner party held to welcome the new students, to slip away and explore the area on your own; running into the dorm leader of Diasomnia in the process. You almost chuckled at the memory. You had worried about getting in trouble on your first night at Night Raven College; being caught outside past curfew by a dorm leader. But you soon came to realize that Malleus wasn’t supposed to be there either and that your new acquaintance had a habit of sneaking out without his retainers as well. 

You remembered how odd Malleus had appeared to you that night. Unlike everyone else, he wasn’t wearing his ceremonial robes and he didn’t even seem to know that the ceremony was today even though he was a dorm leader. Fireflies were dancing around him and he seemed pleased that you were ready to strike up conversation with him but equally as troubled, for he feared you might not keep his late night strolls around the campus and to the village at the foot of the hill to yourself. You had chuckled.

“Alright, here’s the deal”, you smirked at him, “I’ll keep your little secret to myself…if you take me with you. Maybe you could show me around…I think that could be fun.”

He had looked shocked back then but knowing him as well as you did now, you could imagine just how bewildered he was that you had just met him and were ready to hang out with him just like that.

“Very well then”, he laughed with a cheerful expression on his face, mumbling something about how you knew no fear. You did now. 

“So, is this a habit of yours too?”, he had asked, eager to get to know you. 

“They haven’t built a place that can contain me yet”, you had joked, which made Malleus laugh once more. Slowly but steady you had brought fresh wind into his life. For a fae, you didn’t seem like time had left you behind. Rather than that, you were always in motion, changing and growing along with the world. In a way, that made him envy you as much as he did admire you. Through it all, watching you, Malleus felt like a mountain carved into the landscape of the world; strong and unwavering but looking down from his pedestal at the lively ways of the humans and feeling unnoticed and uninvited. Where he seemed to hardly notice the passage of time on some days and dreaded the inevitable that was waiting for him in the future, you seemed grateful for every day; finding wonder in all that was fleeting, carrying it with you as a treasure that was yours to keep even when it had long left this world. 

He almost couldn’t believe his luck when you joined his club and kept inviting him to spend time with you. Malleus hardly ever declined. He grew enamored with you; accepted you into his life and always hoped that maybe you’d choose to stay. And you learnt to love him. You loved how eager he seemed to learn about anything new you could show him about the world and how surprised he looked when he was met with something unexpected. You loved his smile and you wanted to be there to share his happiest moments with him. You loved the way he pouted whenever Lilia dared to unpack the embarrassing childhood stories about him. 

As time went on, it became undeniable that your bond was something special; as if fate had brought you together for each of you to have a companion at long last. Someone who would stay when all else faded. Days were just a little bit brighter with the prospect of seeing Malleus. You heard Lilia joke once about the way his eyes lit up when he saw you for the first time after a long school day, hoping you’d ask him to take a walk with you or show him a new board game or one of those movies he was so unfamiliar with. You went to festivals and cinemas; listened to each other’s favorite songs and read each other’s favorite books. Which in Malleus’ case happened to be a lullaby from Briar Valley he played for you on the violin and an antique book titled “Gargoyles and their mystical origins”.

You remembered the melancholic sound of the violin, remembered how you marveled at his mastery of the instrument. You knew now the sad songs he played were a testimony to his ever-present loneliness; to all the unchanging years inside his castle and the dreams he longed to make into a reality but never could. Even as thorns had clouded your view and the last thing you heard was the quiet humming of the man you loved but didn’t recognize…you remembered the songs he played for you once and how he had smiled when you complimented how beautiful it was and encouraged him to show you another melody from his homeland. You remembered the way he had shared his world with you in an attempt to give you something back for all the new experience you introduced him to and you wondered how things had spiraled this far out of control. Where did we go wrong?

In your eyes, Malleus Draconia became someone who wore his heart on his sleeve. You could see how he felt in the thunder outside or the snow falling to the ground; but just as well in his eyes, as much as he tried to hide it. You learnt about his passions; what he treasured in this life and the dreams he didn’t dare voice out loud. With time, they became all too familiar to you. 

So it came as no surprise to step outside after the internship orientation meeting and find soft but cold snowflakes resting on your skin. You sighed as you remembered the way Lilia had announced his departure from this school to everyone and how, contrary to your expectation when you heard the news, Malleus had just as much not seen it coming as everyone else did. 

He heard the soft knock on the door of his room and knew it was you. “Come in”, he called out, quieter than he usually did. You did as he told you, closing the door behind you and sitting beside him on the bed. There was an emptiness and hopelessness in his eyes that you had never seen before. He took a deep breath once in a while, as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the words. Like he was lost and all the years he spent alone and isolated left him unable to find his path forward. Malleus was staring at nothing in particular as the snowflakes continued to fall outside. He was caught up in his own world, and if he hadn’t called you in; you would have been unsure if he was even aware of your presence at this moment.

“So…”, you sighed and tried to find the right words but just as well being at a loss at how anything you could do or say could make him feel better right now, “you don’t seem to be doing too well…want to talk about it?” As a fae yourself, you knew the signs. An exponential loss of magic, weakening speed…Lilia’s time on this earth was nearing its end. You were sure that deep down Malleus knew too; even though you could just as well imagine he was denying it in this current moment; arguing with himself that since Lilia had said nothing specific, maybe he really just meant something else than what the prince had understood. He lifted his head slightly and his eyes met yours. In that moment he looked like a frightened child but when he spoke he retained his usual calm demeanor. “I’m just a little surprised, is all”, he sighed and attempted to smile at you, “have you picked an internship yet? During all this commotion, I almost forgot to ask you.”

You shook your head. “I have a few ideas but nothing specific yet”, you mused and leaned your back against one of the bed posts, crossing your legs as you reached for one of the pillows to make yourself more comfortable, “it’s more like I have some skills I want to work on but no specific profession I want to apply to. So I’ll carefully consider my options.” Ever since you met him, Malleus Draconia shook your world and brought it to a different path. You had gone from place to place, working different jobs and meeting all sorts of different people and you had been certain that after your time at Night Raven College was over, that was what you’d continue to do. But now? Now you weren’t so sure. A quiet voice inside you had always raised the idea that maybe you could stay with him. Leave behind the human world you’ve lived in for all your life and become acquainted with your own kind again. A part of his country. Maybe a part of his family.

You were unsure whether Malleus felt even remotely the same as you. Loving Malleus was an all or nothing affair. There was no trial period; no going on dates and being together for a while and splitting up if it didn’t work out. A lot depended on Malleus’ public appearance and to say that him getting into a relationship with anyone would be a big deal was more than an understatement. If you were ready to take a step into that direction, you had to be ready for all the strings attached to the man you loved. A legacy, a crown and a country to take care of. A responsibility to keep peace and ensure that your people could lead comfortable lives. 

Confessing to Malleus would be a big step and you didn’t know if you ever would. You weren’t sure if you were adequate to rule a country; yet it wasn’t necessarily something you were opposed to. 

Leadership, public relations, bureaucracy…those were what you intended to focus on. All things that were important for a ruler. So that, if after centuries of walking among the mortal folk, you decided to put all cards on the table and spend your life by Malleus’ side, you could at least be sure that you were up to the challenge. That was a precondition for you to feel confident about approaching him with your feelings. You didn’t want to risk backing out and breaking his heart. Or being rejected by his people. And even if things didn’t work out, you could still use these skills on your path forward. 

The time at school you had spent with him so far seemed way too short to determine whether you wanted to spend the rest of your days with Malleus, as much as you did love him. And now the year was slowly but surely nearing its end. So you had another idea. 

“Do you have anything picked out yet?”, you asked the man you loved and the one you had grown to consider your best friend. Malleus shook his head as well. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to learn in just 3 months…even 9 seems really short to me”, he sighed and clutched the list with the possible internship locations. You pulled out the map where all of them had been marked. 

“Well, given that we both don’t know yet what we want to do…why don’t we do something together?”, you suggested quietly and spread the map out on the bed, pointing at a couple of locations, “of course we don’t have to do exactly the same thing, but there’s a couple of cities here where the internship possibilities are basically just piling up…maybe we could just decide on a location and then…I don’t know…live there for a while?”

Malleus already had the surprised expression you were so used to on his face, but you continued. “We could get an apartment and explore the place together…there’s a bunch of spots on the map I haven’t been to either…and I could show you one of those human amusement parks you thought were fake when you saw a picture for the first time”, you chuckled and raised your pointer finger, “oh, I know! Or a mall! We’ll get the biggest ice cream cup they have and then regret all of our life choices. And take an escalator. You’ve never been on an escalator right-”

Your words got cut off by the surprise of Malleus’ embrace. It wasn’t the first time you two had held each other, but from the way he was clinging onto you, you could tell he was more distressed by today’s events than he let on. He let out a sigh of relief as you wrapped your arms around him gently and ran your fingers through his hair in a comforting motion. “That sounds wonderful”, he whispered and you rested your head on his shoulder as you closed your eyes and smiled. 

Malleus held onto you like you were his lifeline right now. That just as he was confronted with the inevitable loss of people he held dear, you had offered to stay around a little longer and had shared your ideas with him as if they were something you had been looking forward to presenting to him for a while. A new beginning. He thought about how you’d laugh at his surprise upon discovering all these modern human things you mentioned and how you’d be there waiting for him at the end of a work day, asking him what the two of you should get for dinner. He couldn’t help but smile at the thought. He was looking forward to taking an escalator for the first time. And trying some unusual ice cream flavors with you. Or being on a train. He knew you’d find so much joy in his curiosity and surprise and Lilia would want to hear all about your mundane adventures together-

Oh…right…

Malleus’ smile faded from his face instantly when he remembered. Although hope for the future and dreams of happiness had filled his mind not a second ago, the image of bliss had now been distorted into a world without Lilia. Without him nudging the young dragon fae playfully when he announced that he was off to spend some time with you; teasing him about when he was going to confess his love to you already. Without the horrible food on the dinner table that Malleus wished wasn’t there but that simultaneously Diasomnia just wouldn’t be the same without. Without anyone to guide him when he didn’t understand something. A world where he was on his own, unsteady where you were so self-assured and down-to-earth. A world where he was expected to lead when there were days where he felt like he could hardly stand without his guardian. 

Malleus was staring at the hands he had folded in his lap. “How do you do it?”, he asked, not daring to look into your eyes as he tried to keep it together. “Do what?”, you asked, noticing the shift in his mood immediately. You took his hand in yours and squeezed it gently. "Letting go…”, Malleus mumbled, “moving on after…after they’re gone.” His voice got so quiet as he spoke those words that he wondered whether you had even heard them. You hesitated for a moment, still holding his hand tightly within your own.

“It’s certainly not easy”, you sighed, “it never was and it never will be. But the pain lessens with time.” Your gaze fell to the window as you watched the stars outside; glowing and burning in the distance millions of miles away. Malleus still seemed lost in thought. You remembered the first time you had lost someone who was there for a significant portion of your life. You looked at Malleus’ hopeless expression and knew his world must be shattering into a thousand pieces right now. 

“I like to think that we’re all on an endless journey”, you began again, still looking at the stars but you could see from the corner of your eyes that the fae prince lifted his head to look at you, “in the end, we’re all following a path that’s our own and meant only for us. And sometimes our paths cross with those of others. We meet them, sometimes because we chose to and other times under the most unexpected circumstances…and they walk with us for a little while. They share their journey with us; where they’ve been so far, where they’re hoping to go…”

Malleus seemed to think deeply about your words, now also gazing at the stars outside.

“We rest together, we overcome obstacles together…we love and learn because of each other”, you smiled as a shooting star crossed the night sky, “and one day our ways part. The ones we treasure move on to walk their own path once more and we watch them disappear on the horizon and they never look back. And we have to continue on our path as well. I believe it’s because there’s somewhere else we need to be and that wherever those we’ve parted from are now…they’re all cheering for us to get there. And who knows…maybe we will meet again one day.”

Malleus smiled at you from the side, admiring your outlook on this world. How you could be so full of hope even in the most dire of circumstances…even when faced with loss and death. He knew you hadn’t always been this way. That you too had faced the hardships of learning how to live with your long lifespan and carrying on relentlessly, knowing that at the end of the day you’d remain while all else faded and gave way to something new. You simply had more time to grow and adapt, despite being roughly the same age as him. “That’s a beautiful way of looking at it”, Malleus mused and his thumb brushed over your hand he held as the fearful words he didn’t dare say crossed his mind. That’s a strength I don’t think I have…

You didn’t feel too well, leaving him that night. He insisted he was going to be fine, hugged you one last time before you left his room. Maybe he needs to be alone right now, you thought, process everything that’s happened…and everything yet to come.

Maybe if you just hadn’t left him…maybe if you just tried a little harder…

No, you clenched your fist as the wind blew past your face and you gazed upon the thorn-covered island, this had nothing to do with you. This is his own fault.

That fateful day you had woken up in more ways than one. You had woken up from the sleeping curse Malleus had placed on the whole island; the blissful dream that seemed to suffocate you and shatter your heart into a million pieces. But you had also woken up from the dream you thought you were living. The love you thought you had and the happiness that once seemed all too familiar to you. Gone were the days of laughter and joy and you weren’t sure if they would ever return again for as long as Malleus was a part of your life. Maybe it was time to cut the thread spun by fate to lead you to each other.

You shook your head and tears ran down your cheek as your eyes were blinded by the sunrise. It was as if the sky was trying to comfort you, telling you not to cry as there would always be a path forward, with or without him. 

Even though the dream world created by the spell was gone, two worlds were still existing within your heart. The one before; the one where you were planning to spend your future with Malleus; the way you saw him and loved every little detail….and the way you saw him now. The world where he had overblotted and attempted to decide the course of your fate with his own hand. Where he believed a false dream; an endless loop of joyful moments, could ever make you as happy as the real world had done with him by your side. 

Even though the nightmare had ended, you still seemed to be living in it. You weren’t sure which one was the worse illusion, the dream he decided you and the other students should spend the next thousand years in or the one you lived in before he had disappointed you so much that all you had been able to do for the past two days was weep. The sense of betrayal you felt because of his actions was indescribable, even after all the yelling and explaining you did of your feelings you hadn’t grasped the full extent of it. How could he do this?

You knew how he had felt. You had seen his fear and his desperation; you understood how the only perspective he knew was his own and that at the time, living in a happy dream that would never end probably seemed the better option for himself as well, rather than facing the loss of Lilia, who had been there since he was born, and the knowledge that from now on, he’d only continue to lose more and more. But he dealt with it the wrong way and now he had to take responsibility for the consequences.

“Y/n, please…”, you remembered how he had knelt there in the aftermath of his destruction, gazing upon the shaking silhouettes of his classmates and the worried and confused eyes of his guards. It had started to rain and as he saw his reflection in the puddle left on the ground and looked up to meet the eyes of those who looked at him in a fear that had never been there before; the blissful dream he thought could bring him happiness had finally shattered and nothing remained but guilt. He was used to people avoiding him. To people being intimidated by him and not daring to get too close. But for the first time in his life he saw someone fear for their life around him; look at him like he was one wrong move away from ending it all. I’ve become a monster…

The rain poured down on Sage’s Isle but Malleus could hardly feel it as it hit his face and he wept. He was no stranger to crying. He vividly remembered how Lilia had told you about his many tantrums as a child with a smile on his face. But now, in the face of true despair, he wondered if there was any going forward from here on out. In a fruitless, impulsive attempt to preserve what he used to have, he had broken it so much that it seemed irreparable. He had never seen this expression on your face before. Like something inside you had broken. And never would he have wanted to be the cause of it. 

Malleus, at the time, had thought his “gift” would genuinely be something to make the people he’d grown to care about happy. It was simple; an almost too simple solution to a world that seemed so complicated that it threatened to drown him if he didn’t desperately cling onto all that was familiar; despite all of his power. I should have thought this through…, he clenched his fists as heavy sobs left his lips, I should have asked them what they wanted. This isn’t what they wanted.

In the end, the way he tried to avoid losing the ones he loved had only made him more lonely. It brought nothing but suffering. He was alone; destined to die eventually with no one to stop his overblot. And his loved ones were doomed to sleep a thousand years; robbed of the opportunity to grow as the world kept changing around them. Living in an illusion that was happy but ultimately meaningless.

And now he’d lose them regardless. He broke the bonds he had and now he was left with nothing. 

“Please…don’t go”, he whispered through sobs as your expression turned from one of sadness to anger. 

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done, Malleus?!”, you seemed furious but tried to speak as calmly as possible right now, “you can’t keep people around by putting them into an endless stasis! You could have killed everyone here and yourself! What the fuck has gotten into you?”

Your words were the only sound except for the rain. No one else dared to utter a word. 

Malleus kept his head hanging and didn’t dare to look into your eyes as he replied. “I am so sorry…”

You let out a bitter laugh. “‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t cut it Malleus”, you spat out, “you’re supposed to rule a country one day and yet you have the impulse control of a rabid squirrel. You could have compromised the safety and well-being of your entire nation with this! I understand how you felt but the only way you know how to deal with your problems is through insane magical gimmicks and making that everyone else’s problem in the process. If that curse hadn’t been lifted, those people would have slept for a thousand years and the students would have never seen their families again! The loss you tried to prevent for yourself you pushed onto others. They would have woken up in a world completely unfamiliar to them. I would have never seen you again. You didn’t ask any of us what we wanted before you threw your damn tantrum and decided for us! You don’t want people to be scared of you? Well congratulations Malleus, but you messed that one up royally.”

Malleus' sobs got even louder. “I know…what I did was stupid”, he could hardly speak through the crying, “really, really stupid. I lost control…I couldn’t think. I was too upset and I did something unforgivable…and now i lost your friendship, haven’t I?”

You had no pity left for him at that moment. “Wow, what was your first clue?”, you responded sarcastically. 

Malleus looked at you with a pleading expression, basically begging you to stay at this point. “Is there anything I can do? Anything at all?”, he asked, “I want to make it up to everyone…I can’t undo my actions but I want to make it right for all the people I’ve hurt…so please…just give me a chance.” His voice cracked and you sighed. 

“You can’t undo what you’ve done and you can’t just make it right or earn yourself points and hoping if you’re just kind enough to people and do enough for them, they’ll forgive you eventually”, your voice was calmer now but it didn’t soften your harsh words, “some of them never will. Maybe not even I will. What’s done is done and I swear to god, please do not throw another grand magical tantrum to try and fix it. Face the mess you’ve made like the adult you are and deal with the consequences. The only thing you can do is move forward.”

You hesitated for a moment before you spoke again. 

“No matter how powerful you are, you can’t run from the rules of cause and effect. That’s just what life is like”, you crossed your arms in front of your chest, “sometimes we mess up majorly and there’s nothing we can do to fix it. It’s up to every single individual whether they forgive you or not. There’s no guaranteed way to atone. You can only be kinder to the world around you and hope it chooses to be kind to you in return.”

The two of you remained quiet for a while. Most of the students had used the opportunity to sneak away; to a place they presumed to be safe. Only Lilia, Silver and Sebek were still there. Malleus thought about your words. He knew in his heart that you were right. 

As silence filled the area around you, your anger about what he had done came back. You knew you probably should have just walked away and cooled off…left him to his own devices and never looked back. But you were too angry.

“You tried to play god for us and treated us like game characters or little shrimp in a terrarium rather than people you care about who make their own choices and live their lives in ways you will sometimes disagree with”, you gestured wildly, “it felt like you didn’t even see us as autonomous people but rather toys you can play with however you please. And that’s terrifying, Malleus. That’s something that, even despite your tendency to impulsively respond with magic to upsetting situations, I would have never expected from you and it broke the most important bond I had to another person in a long time…”

Tears were streaming down your face once more as you were reminded of the loneliness both of you were all too familiar with. That despite your unwavering determination and an optimistic outlook, nothing changed about the fact that you’d always end up alone sooner or later, living longer than most people you’d meet throughout your life. That had changed with Malleus. You finally had someone who could be around for the rest of your life and it felt like you had finally arrived somewhere you belonged. Finally found someone to walk the rest of your journey with you. And now he had kicked that dream in the guts and replaced it with his own delusional idea of a happily ever after. 

He had been your dream. Sharing your happiest and worst moments with him. Going through life together; staying by each other’s side for as long as you could.

“I wanted to stay. And you wouldn’t even have needed some dumb dream world for that. I’ve thought about moving to Briar Valley after graduation even though there’s no electricity and the books are 200 years old; all so I could stay with you. I would have trusted you with my life before this, Malleus”, your voice cracked, “right now I wouldn’t even trust you with an hour of my time.”

Your words stung and left him in shock. He knew you treasured him as a friend…but that you cared for him this much? He had no idea. He always thought his love for you was one-sided and now he had broken it, possibly beyond repair. He could have had someone who stayed by his side for the majority of his long life…he could have had that and he pushed you away. 

“Will this ever change?”, he asked quietly as you turned around and began walking away from him.

“Goodbye, Malleus.”

Your heart had hardened over the past few days. At first you had locked yourself in your room; living off dry bread and water; unmotivated to go outside. Professor Trein had even knocked on your door a couple of times to make sure you weren’t dead. When students passed by your room, they could only hear you crying from inside. 

Eventually the overwhelming sadness just died and left behind an empty void. The sun had risen and was breaking through the curtains. You could lay here for days to come and grieve the bond you seemed to have lost but nothing would stop another day. There was no point in wallowing in self-pity, you knew that. You needed to distract yourself; needed a sense of purpose.

So you went down to the village at the foot of the hill to help clean up the mess Malleus’ spell had left behind. The overwhelming amount of magic had made the technological devices on the island utterly useless and in some cases the thorns had destroyed entire houses. Fortunately no one had been seriously hurt physically but the locals were facing all sorts of problems right now. Communication with the mainland was completely shut down and people struggled to make themselves food with the shops closed up and their household appliances not working. Night Raven College and Royal Sword Academy had offered to provide the people with food and shelter, if they needed it, and it almost made you smile at how they had once again managed to turn this into a competition. Some things never change, huh?

Malleus strolled aimlessly around the island, unsure what the future held in store for him. He observed the village from the distance, watching from the shadows as the market place became busy again and the students complained about having to clear it of dozens of vines. He looked at you; at the forefront of it all, putting all your effort into restoring the town to its former idyllic image. He watched you hand out soup to the elderly and help the old mayor set up a fundraiser for the restoration of what Malleus’ spell and overblot had destroyed. He heard that you had suggested to Vil and Neige to hold a benefit concert in order to raise money for the locals. Malleus noticed the smile on his face as he became witness to the kindness you gave to others, one of the many reasons he had fallen in love with you in the first place. 

He remembered the words you spoke that day. “The only thing you can do is move forward.” He was proud to see you do just that and even if you may never forgive him, you had inspired him to do the same; regardless of whatever loss he may face in the future. Malleus saw how you gave a weak smile to a little girl who was crying about her favorite teddy bear that had been impaled by thorns and tried to comfort her, even if you hardly had any reason to smile yourself right now. He could tell that you were tired and still unsure, your emotions all over the place. Since when had he become so perceptive of that?

He heard you let out a genuine laugh as Professor Trein offered to fix the little girl’s teddy bear and she ran over to her parents in excitement to tell them about it. “No way, I had no idea you could sew”, Ace exclaimed with a shocked expression while looking at his teacher. Trein crossed his arms in front of his chest and sighed. “I wanted to make a scarf for my wife’s 32nd birthday years ago”, he replied awkwardly, “not my proudest work but it did make her laugh. So I kept doing it, and with time I improved.”

Once you had heard enough of Professor Trein’s stories about his wife, you moved on to another house to try and clear it of the thorns. You saw how everyone came together and supported each other, and although many Night Raven College students were definitely complaining about it, it still brought a small smile to your face. Malleus had broken your heart but there was so much out there still waiting for you even if your ways parted. So many people worth meeting and supporting with your presence, even if it may long outlast them. 

From the corner of your eye you could notice a boulder being lifted next to you. There was only one person around strong enough to just do that with bare hands. You looked up to see Prince Malleus Draconia in the flesh, removing the thorns he had caused and trying to fix the house they had destroyed with his own two hands. The two of you silently worked next to each other for a while, not daring to say a word. You observed Malleus quietly, hoping he wouldn’t notice your lingering gazes on him. You didn’t know whether you should hate the fact that his presence calmed you or that his helpless attempts at trying to fix this situation without magic almost made you laugh. But you eventually decided to raise your voice.

“You’re not going to use magic to just fix the whole town in a flash?”, you asked, raising an eyebrow at Malleus who in that moment poked his hand on a thorn and watched it bleeding helplessly before you reached for the first-aid kit and handed him some bandages and a pair of gloves. “My magic is still drained”, Malleus explained, “and the blot hasn’t fully disappeared yet. It’s better if I don’t use magic for now.”

He hesitated for a moment, looking down. “Besides…”, he sighed as he put the gloves on, “I don’t…really feel like using magic right now. Not after everything that happened.” You nodded and resumed your work. 

Malleus picked up another boulder and shoved it where it had fallen off the house. “You know that’s not how you build a house, right?”, you sighed and looked at him through half-lidded eyes. “Then how do I?”, he laid a finger to his chin and pondered on an alternative for a while. You pointed to the docks. “There’s a couple of construction workers over there whose job is to do exactly that. Why don’t you ask them and find out?”, you suggested and Malleus nodded.

He followed your advice and found that this was the longest conversation he ever had with someone who wasn’t a student. He learnt that one of the workers was really proud that his son had been accepted into Royal Sword Academy recently and that another one was married to a baker who made the most delicious sweets in town. Malleus mused that he’d have to check these out sometimes. All this time, these people had been living so close to his school and he had never thought about the lives they led and what things they were passionate about and what they wished for. They had been caught up in his spell and he didn’t even waste a second thought on them when he had cast it. On how much they could have lost because of it. He had cast them aside when he should have kept them safe and supported them.

Malleus looked at you and all that you had contributed to in such a short time. And then he looked at himself in shame and realized that you had been much more of a leader than he could hope to be. He had taken the opportunity to get away from the castle and explore the world outside of Briar Valley but he had always wondered what there was left for him to learn at this school. He chuckled at his past naivety. This was what Lilia had been trying to teach him all along, wasn’t it? That the world was so much bigger and more complicated than he ever would have expected and that Malleus had so, so much left to learn. He was hardly ready to be a king.

All the work had left you exhausted and you were glad once the day was over, looking over the island from a balcony at the school. The sun was setting and tinted the horizon in hues of red and orange. You leaned over the balustrade and noticed how the mess of thorns and debris was already looking a lot better than the day before. 

“You sure worked a lot, didn’t you?”, you heard a familiar voice behind you, “makes me wish I would have been able to contribute.” You turned around and your gaze met Lilias. You nodded. The two of you remained silent for a while, watching the sunset as it marked the end of your time together. “When are you leaving?”, you asked, knowing Malleus’ spell had already prolonged Lilias departure. “Tomorrow morning”, the older fae replied with a peaceful smile on his face, “you should come and see me off.” “I will”, you smiled back as a gust of wind blew past your face. 

You thought about the coming farewell and how Malleus would likely be there. Tomorrow would be hard for him, you knew that much…

“You love him, don’t you?”, Lilia asked as if being able to read your thoughts.

You crossed your arms, visibly flustered. “I-”, you pouted, “don’t ask me that right now.”

Lilia chuckled. “He loves you too, you know?”, he didn’t miss the surprise on your face as well as the fleeting smile he got out of you by telling you this. You sighed and raised your eyebrows at the former warrior. “You weren’t supposed to tell me this, were you?”, you knew Lilia had a habit of spilling the beans on the people he raised, even when they were very much not up for that. “Nope, khee hee”, Lilia confirmed your suspicions and you buried your head in your hands.

“I know you’re still mad”, he sighed and his gaze met yours, “but I can assure you Malleus has learnt from this. I can’t stop you from leaving if that’s what you decide to do, but I’m asking you to consider if your anger is really stronger than the bond the two of you have.”

“I don’t know”, you replied. “That’s okay. Take your time and think about it. No need to rush”, he smiled and put his hands to his hips, “so where are you headed now?” 

You thought about his question for a while. You had tried to grow and learn in order to make sure you could face the trials ahead if you were to confess to Malleus. You didn’t know at the time whether his grandmother or his people would even accept you or whether Malleus felt the same for you. But in your pursuit of security and growth you had found something even more valuable: a new sense of purpose. Regardless of whether you’d end up with or without Malleus by your side, the resolve and strength you had gained through the experiences you had with him were your own and they’d remain even if you were to part ways. You didn’t need to marry a prince and rule a country to put them to good use.

You gazed once more upon the island below the castle and the thorns that had been removed from the village squares. You pulled out your phone and noticed that the fundraiser had gone way beyond its original goal thanks to a donation by the Asim family. You smiled as you looked out towards the sunset. 

“I’m going to continue to support others. To improve what is around me and step up to take responsibility. Share my knowledge with others as the centuries pass by. Innovate. Hear people’s stories and follow them on their journey for a while”, you closed your eyes as a sense of determination but also a feeling of peace rushed over you.

“I know where I’m headed. Whichever path I’m on."

You looked back at Lilia who gave you an appreciative nod and a pat on the back. He smiled and seemed satisfied with your answer. “Malleus has a lot to learn from you, if you let him.” The older fae had disappeared when you looked up again.

When you entered the mirror chamber on the next day, Sebek, Silver and Malleus were already assembled there to say goodbye to Lilia. He had brought along all of his luggage and Sebek and Silver were already crying.

“Now, now, don’t get all teary-eyed about me”, Lilia said with a smile as a tear of his own ran down his cheek. He walked over to Sebek and took the first-year’s hands into his own. “Sebek”, he began, “do me a favor and don’t stay holed up in that narrow worldview you’ve grown to have. Make some friends. Let people in. There is so much more for you to see and experience. You’ve grown into a wonderful guard for Malleus but I also want you to find your own path and something you want to dedicate your time to without being focused on another person. I’m proud of how far you’ve come and I’m certain you’ll only grow more from here on out. I wish that you find patience and open your mind to the world around you. It was a pleasure to work alongside you and watch you become stronger.”

Sebek nodded and started sobbing, frantically trying to wipe his tears with the sleeve of his jacket.

“Silver”, Lilia pulled his son into his arms and held him tightly one last time, remembering how he had picked him up when he was just a baby, “you’re the best son a father could ask for. I am so proud of you and you’ve grown into a wonderful young man. I’m glad to call you my son. Don’t look back too much and continue moving forward. There is a great future ahead of you. Don’t worry about your old man too much. I’ll always be there rooting for you, even when you can’t see me. Take care, Silver.”

Lilia waited patiently until Silver was ready to let go. He held onto his father, wishing he could prolong the inevitable but knowing, after all that had happened, that it was time to let go.

And so did Malleus.

When Lilia stepped over to him, he took both of your hands into his and looked into Malleus’ eyes. “Malleus”, Lilia sighed and shook his head, “you caused me a lot of grey hairs with your actions those past few days…but I trust that you’ve learned your lesson and know what you have to do from here on out. All the advice I could give you, I think you’ve learnt the hard way with recent developments. I only hope that you find a way to live your life that makes you happy and feel content.” 

Lilia hugged Malleus and chuckled. “I still remember the time you had an eggshell on your face and couldn’t dress yourself like it was yesterday.” “Do we have to bring that up again?”, Malleus pouted but his expression softened when he heard you laugh beside him. Lilia looked at you. “Y/n, I know that you’re still angry and have a lot to sort out…but do you really think this grudge is something you’re going to hold for centuries?”, Lilia asked, “both of you will be faced with loss over and over again throughout your life. But the two of you will remain alive throughout the majority of it. You have each other. Don’t throw that away. Take care of each other and help each other grow. I know you care a lot…keep an eye on Malleus for me, alright?” 

Lilia chuckled as you linked your hand with Malleus’ and squeezed it gently. “He’s a handful”, you sighed and Malleus let out a laugh, pulling you into a hug with a relieved expression. “Don’t test me, Malleus Draconia”, you hissed but wrapped your arms around him as well, resting your head on his shoulder. Once you parted, Lilia smiled at Malleus. “The last few days have been…a lot”, he chuckled and Malleus sighed, “but I’m proud of you too. And I’m sure that you’ll be a great king one day. You have a long way to go, but you’ll get there. I’m certain of it.”

Tears ran down Malleus’ cheek as he bid Lilia farewell…one of the few people he had known since he was born.

As soon as Lilia had left through the dark mirror, Malleus broke down. It was raining outside again and he was sobbing along with Silver and Sebek. You had pulled him into your arms and let your embrace comfort him; your anger forgotten in light of the loss Malleus just faced and the overwhelming sadness that resulted from it. 

The days that followed were quiet, as if time had stopped. Malleus had needed some time to himself to grieve and you had given him the space he needed but offered your comfort when he wanted it as well. It took a while; the sun rose and set again over the horizon as the days went on, but you eventually heard a knock at your door. “Come in”, you called out and Malleus opened the door, walking into your room and closing the door behind him. He was quiet for a while, just sitting next to you and pondering what to say next. 

“Do you forgive me?”, he finally asked. 

You sighed and chuckled. “I can’t just reject an old man’s dying wish now, can I?”, you shook your head and took Malleus’ hand in yours, “besides…he was right. I’m not going to hold that grudge for centuries. So I might as well let you off the hook while you’re still within reach.”

Malleus’ expression turned to one of relief and he wrapped his arms around you, holding you tightly against his chest. Against all odds; against what he felt he deserved, you had given him another chance and chosen to stay. And he would make sure to not let it go to waste. He remembered how devastated and sad you had looked after his overblot. He never wanted to make you cry again. 

You looked up into his eyes. “But no more using magic on people without asking them first…or trying to solve personal problems with magic. You have to promise me that”, you told him, “you get one chance. And if you mess up, promise me you’ll let me go and move forward, okay?” Malleus nodded and he rested his head on top of yours. “I won’t disappoint you”, he promised and squeezed your hand. 

As all the boys who overblotted did, Malleus had started seeing a counselor to work through what had happened as well as through the loss of Lilia. You were still more distant than you used to be but with every passing day you warmed up to Malleus again. You could laugh again and join him for his club activities. You went to his favorite cafe with him after it had reopened; sharing a big cup of ice cream before heading to the beach to watch another sunset. One of many to come.

“How have you been holding up?”, he asked you with genuine concern in his voice as he sat down beside you in the sand. “I’ll pull through”, you sighed, “but sometimes I wonder if I’m still living in a dream and I’m going to wake up to the harsh reality any moment now…”

Malleus’ heart was aching, knowing he was the cause of those feelings. He had broken your trust and it would take a long time to fully restore it but he was ready, whatever it might take. Just no magic, he had promised you that.

“There’s a legend in Briar Valley”, he said with a smile while looking out into the sunset, “of a princess who was woken up from a sleeping curse by true love’s kiss. Lilia used to tell me about it all the time when I was a child. It was my favorite bedtime story. We even hold a festival based on it every year….I was never able to go thus far…but maybe we can go there together sometime…”

“If that’s your attempt at flirting, you have terrible timing, read the room Malleus”, you shook your head but he could tell from your smile that you weren’t serious, “so…are you going to kiss me or not?” Malleus chuckled and pulled you close, his lips finally meeting yours to promise you your happily ever after…as well as that was possible in such an imperfect world. But it was real and it meant so much, regardless of the trials and tribulations along the way. He understood now why a dream would have never made you as happy as he wanted to see you. He had to work for that and he swore to put in all the effort it would take for you to put the past behind you and be certain in the future you could have with him.

You kissed him back eagerly, pouring all your love but also the exhaustion the past days had left you with into the kiss. Tears ran down your cheek and you couldn’t even tell if they were yours or his. Malleus’ lips were soft and still tasted like the strawberry ice cream he had while at the cafe. He held you gently and kissed you over and over again, relieved that you were still here with him, even through all that had happened. He loved you so much and so unconditionally that he had no idea how he hadn’t realized it sooner. 

You had to push him away gently with a chuckle, as Malleus had just been leaning in for another taste of your lips and he probably would have been content just doing that for another three hours. “I still need to breathe, you know?”, you laughed and watched the waves meet the shore. Malleus leaned his head against yours and held your hand in his. The overblot and its aftermath seemed like a terrible nightmare to you now and Malleus’ kiss had woken you up to the dawn of a new day.

“I remember how you told me that those who leave us are off to another path different from our own”, he reminisced, “if that’s true, what do you think Lilia is doing right now?”

You chuckled. “Probably cooking something horrible.”

Malleus laughed through his tears but you could still see the pain that was written on his face. “I miss him”, he said quietly and let you hold him, clinging onto you for comfort. “I know”, you whispered, “I do too.” Malleus nuzzled your cheek before pressing a kiss to it. He looked into your eyes with a loving expression, grateful for every minute he could spent within your presence.

“Thank you for choosing to stay with me”, he squeezed your hand and a smile made its way to his face. For the first time in what felt like an eternity, he was looking forward to the future. “I love you”, he told you and cupped your cheek with his hand, watching you lean into his touch and softly kiss the palm of his hand.

You brushed his bangs out of his face and pressed a kiss to the markings on his forehead, noticing how the action made him visibly flustered. 

“I love you too, Malleus.”

#twisted wonderland #malleus draconia x you #malleus x reader #malleus draconia x reader #malleus draconia #twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst malleus #twst chapter 7 spoilers #chapter 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland chapter 7

[elderwisp]

◁ || ▷

Dan: Alright, no more sulking.

Frances: [ whines ] But it’s fun.

Dan: That’s a fucking lie.

Frances: Let me rot! I’m not bothering anyone!

Dan: Dude, you haven’t left the couch! I’m surprised you two haven’t merged into one.

Frances: Being a couch would be nice.

Dan: So did you get fired? 

Frances: I took some time off. I needed to finish up some projects for school.

Dan: What projects ‘cuz you literally have done nothing. No offense.

Frances: [ whimpers ] Am I useless?

Dan: NO! God no. I’m just a bit concerned. Scoot.

Frances: I did something.

Dan: You can tell me whenever you’re ready.

Frances: GOD IT’S SO EMBARRASSING!!!

Dan: Plenty of people do weird things.

Frances: [ blurts ] I kissed him!

Dan: Christ. What the fuck?

Frances: YOU SAID PLENTY OF PEOPLE DO WEIRD THINGS!

Dan: Yeah but this takes the cake. [ pauses and thinks ] Actually no, you and Atlas might be at a tie.

Frances: What did he do now?

Dan: He tried to kiss Taryn.

Frances: ha-HAH!

Dan: I feel so bad laughing-

Frances: But it IS kind of funny. I’m guessing it ended badly?

Dan: Sort of, Atlas needs to figure some things out. He’s got to earn it, you know?

Frances: Maybe working towards something meaningful will set him straight. Better than worrying about Toni.

Dan: Hopefully. What about you? Now why did you kiss your boss?

Frances: [ groans ] Stop saying it like that. Icarus, his name is Icarus.

Dan: Icarus can kiss-arus my ass. 

Frances: PFFT-

Dan: Seriously. Like what elderly man preys on the young and beautiful?

Frances: Dan he isn’t like a decrepit old fart.

Dan: Hmph, still.

Frances: He’s really… Pretty to look at. Like plays could be written about him and I’d read every single word.

Dan: SIMP!

Frances: I’m not denying it. I just misread things, that’s all. I mistook his kindness for something more because… Well… 

Dan: You wanted it to be true.

Frances: Yeah. A girl can dream I guess.

Dan: At least he didn’t take advantage of you. Otherwise, I’d have to kill him.

Frances: [ giggles ] Murder on your mind.

Dan: So I was thinking… What if we threw a house-warming party?

Frances: Ah yes so our new neighbors can hate us.

Dan: Not even! It’ll be a small get together. You invite your friends, I invite mine.

Frances: What if we just had a small thing with Kai and Atlas- Kai, I mean. 

Dan: You guys should really smooth things over soon.

Frances: Maybe. One crisis at a time.

Dan: Hmph. Sooo? Party?

Frances: Fine, but like ten people max. 

Dan: Totally! [ phone beeps ] Awh Luis texted me. He said.. I smell like old beans and that my room is comfy- What a little shit.

Frances: I’m assuming he misses you.

Dan: In his own weird little ways. I told my dad not to get him a phone.

Frances: Speaking of which, have you called your dad back?

Dan: Ah… One crisis at a time, right?

Frances: God dammit, Dan- YOUR FACE! That’s not what I meant.

Dan: MMM, you said it though. 

Frances: Bastard.

Dan: The one and only!

#simp! 🫵🏻 #dan versus her friend group being a mess #8th photo DAN U R MY WIFE!!!! #tessellate #ts4 story #show us your story

[kanmom51]

OK then.

I find myself saying that a lot, now that I come to think about it.

Ok then.

We have concept photos from JK. And a short clip too.

And all those that had their pearls in a knot, are we starting to calm down?

Or are they in a knot now because of JK's overwhelming sexiness? Lol.

Peeps (I love that one too), JK is in the building.

Well, copycat JK, that is.

You are me I am you JK.

If people cannot see that JK has mirrored JM with his concept photos then they are totally blind.

Those are even literally the same pants.

Down to the single silver chain over the white T.

Oh, and did you see this one?

Would that be another coincidence you think?

NOT IN MY BOOKS.

And you know what? I am not surprised at all. Really not. I knew JK would not disappoint us.

Let's be real for a second here.

He NEVER does.

JK has been consistent for years now.

It's the fans that just are not willing to see it, or understand him. Understand what he's telling them.

No ring on the JM finger in this shoot.

But when it was time to showcase the hands...

2 things I have to say before I go:

First of all, god I feel like a genius. There, I said it. That enlightenment I had last night with the 2 silver rings... and I thought I was being delusional. With JK's copycat, you are me I am you stunt, I kind of feel like I might have been on the right path with that one.

Second, I'm left here sitting and wondering... did the powers of be not realise what JK was doing? Like, it's so friggin' obvious. Or did he just manage to slip this right under their non existent gaydars? Maybe doing this in LA and not Korea, perhaps different stylists, idk, it's just sooooooo obvious. If they did realise it, was it too late? I can't see them being happy about it. Not at all. Same people that didn't know about Letter until it was too late...

Can't wait for the song to come out.

Like I wrote in my previous post, the song isn't written by JK, but perhaps he connected with it, and yeah, with this shoot, this you are me I am you, I can't help but wonder what else he is trying to tell us. About the song. About himself. About JM?

#jungkook #jk #JK Seven #jikook #kookmin #minkook #jimin #jm #JM Face

[feelbokkie]

One Last Dance | Chapter 15

pairing: Minho x fem reader

genre: smau, crack, angst, fluff, non!idol au, major character death (I am apologizing now), friends to lovers, soul mates, first love, roommates

pov: 1st/2nd person (depending on how you view it)

warnings: suggestive (well I mean more than suggestive but it's not smut), mention of food, swearing, non consensual kissing (twice!)

summary: Childhood best friends Lee Minho and L/n Y/n are in their final year of university. While both of them are in love with each other, the only thing keeping them apart is Minho’s fear of change. As both dancers prepare for their lives after college, will Minho finally let fear rule him and his emotions or will he finally gain courage before he loses Y/n forever?

word count: 6,168

screenshot count: 11

taglist: closed!

previous | masterlist | next

©feelbokkie (2023) — all rights reserved. reposting/modification of any kind is not tolerated.

In hindsight, you should have told Chan that you wanted to have a more low-key celebration. Maybe at a nice, quiet restaurant. Or even movies and ice cream. Things, you're now realizing, that you'd do with Minho whenever something good happened in your lives. Minho passed an English test? Ice cream. You nailed a particularly difficult dance routine? Lunch at a restaurant you like. The two of you got into your dream school? Celebratory trip to Lotte World.

Chan, on the other hand, appeared to like more flashy forms of celebration. He brought you to a bar, which you might as well consider to be a club. The music is way too loud, you can feel the beats in your chest. The lights are too dark to be considered safe. And while you weren't opposed to the idea of hanging out in a bar, you work at one and don't like the idea of spending your night off with drunken idiots after a week of doing so.

"Sorry, what was that?" You shout over the music. Chan has been trying to hold a conversation with you but you can't hear him over the music.

Changbin, who sits on your left, is making out with some girl he met within the first 10 minutes of you guys getting to the bar. Jisung is at the bar, talking to two girls who look like they're already too drunk to be having any sort of meaningful conversation. Chan brought them along so it would feel "more like a celebration." Right now it just feels like another pointless party.

Chan's arm snakes around your waist, resting his hand on your upper thigh. He pulls himself closer to you than he already is. The scent of his cologne and the soda he is drinking fills your nose. He smells good, familiar. Like the practice room after class as all the guys quickly spray themselves before leaving. But something is missing.

"I was just asking if you knew which offer you were going to take yet?" Chan lowers his head so he's talking directly in your ear.

"Not sure yet," You lean in close to his ear, "I have to sit there and think about each company. Plus looking at how much they're offering me wouldn't hurt. I still have a few months before graduation so there isn't a huge rush right now."

Chan pushes your drink closer to you. Chan is the only one not drinking, taking his responsibilities as designated driver seriously. But as a result, he's been pushing you to drink. So that you can "drink for the two of you" so to speak. You take your cup and take another large sip.

"If you choose the one in Australia, I can show you around. Like your own personal tour guide." He adds after you take a sip.

"Yeah? Show me your old haunts? And then to one of your infamous hook-up spots." You tease.

"I'm not like that Y/n. Honestly," He takes another sip of his soda, "you should have a bit more faith in me."

"You told me not too long ago that you were purposely blasting your music to get my attention. So, I have zero faith in you."

"Did it, or did it not work?" He asks after thinking for a moment.

"Running into me on a girls' night out while I was plastered worked. You playing your music that loud worked in getting through my auditions."

"Still, it worked because here you are." You think to yourself for a moment. He's not exactly wrong.

"Changbin hyung, come up for air!" Jisung says as he walks to the table with the two girls in tow. He sets down about 10 bottles of soju before sitting down in between both girls.

"Why!" Changbin whines loudly, making the girl he's making out with laugh.

"It's a celebration, let's play some drinking games." He adds as he passes out the bottles. Chan takes the bottle Jisung passed to him and places it in front of you.

"I'm driving," He tells Jisung.

"That's fine, just keep drinking your stupid soda." He throws back. He has to be a little drunk, you know he wouldn't talk to Chan like that otherwise out of fear of repercussions.

"Or noona can drink for him," Changbin adds. Chan turns to you with quirked eyebrows.

"Don't worry, I'm good at drinking games. Plus, I'm the only sober one here so I have an advantage."

You think for a moment. He is the only one who is completely clear-headed right now, even if you're feeling a bit buzzed. You probably wouldn't have to drink much anyway, you're relatively good at games in general.

"Yeah, okay," You hum.

***

It doesn't that Chan is good at playing drinking games, you are the absolute worst. You're beyond drunk and you're about to get drunk as you watch the shot glass of soju sink to the bottom of the beer glass.

"Drink, noona, drink!" Jisung yells as he slams a fist on the table.

"Wow, noona, you suck at drinking games." Changbin laughs as you pick up the glass and start drinking.

You're so drunk you can't hear a single thought in your head. It's like your conscience clocked out for the night and you were alone with your impulsive thoughts. You're leaning into Chan with your right hand resting on his thigh to keep yourself upright.

"'m shit a drinking games but I can out dance all of you. Let's have a dance battle right now!" You shout, standing up quickly. You immediately stumble from how fast you stand up and fall back down, landing in Chan's lap.

"Okay, I'm going to take Y/n for some fresh air," Chan says as he places both of his hands on your waist to help you up. He keeps his hands on you as he leads you out of the bar.

His grip on you is tight as he maneuvers you through the bar, past all the couples making out and hammered dancers. Eventually, the cool, fresh air hits your face, a sigh leaves your throat. You didn't realize how hot and stuffy it was inside the bar until right now. You were hot when you were inside, naturally, but you thought it was just the alcohol warming you up.

"Look at the moon!" You shout excited when you get outside. The moon is big and full.

"Wow, you really are drunk, huh." Chan laughs, still holding on to you.

"'m not drunk." You hum, twirling around in Chan's hands.

"I don't see how you're not. You drank about 5 bottles of soju by yourself. How you're still awake right now is a miracle."

"'m not a lightweight. Look, I can prove I'm not drunk." You wiggle out of Chan's grip and walk a little bit away from him.

You wink at Chan before managing to do 6 pirouettes. Just as you put your foot down to stabilize yourself again, you become dizzy and stumble. Before you can fall, you're suddenly in Chan's arms again. It feels nice, to be held in his arms, but it feels cold and unfamiliar. Not like Minho's warm and familiar hold.

"Okay, I believe you. Let's not do that again, okay?" He chuckles as he pulls you upright.

He walks you backward until your back is flat against the wall. Your head is still spinning so you grab his forearms to keep yourself from falling. As if it would help. You squeeze your eyes shut, slowly opening them only when you feel a little less dizzy. Your eyes focus on Chan's face illuminated by the back alley lights. On his hooded, yet soft brown eyes. The curve of his perfect nose. His soft pink lips.

"Has anyone told you that you're pretty?" You breathe.

"You think I'm...pretty?" Chan's mouth quirks upward into a smirk.

"Mhm!" You nod quickly at him.

Chan's hands leave your waist and move to the wall behind you, resting on either side of your head. He leans in closer to you, only stopping about halfway to your face.

"Am I still pretty?" He whispers. If your face isn't already red from drinking, it definitely is now.

Your breath gets caught in your throat. All you can do is nod in agreement. Chan smirks yet again and pulls in even closer. He's right in front of your face, his breath tickling your face.

"How about now?" His lips barely brush against yours.

"If...you get any closer 'm gonna get cross-eyed." You mumble.

"Is that a promise?" He whispers before pressing his lips into yours.

The sudden feel of Chan's lips on yours sobers you up a little bit. It's not unfamiliar, you've kissed him before under similar circumstances. You're drunk and heartbroken just like you were the first time. The only difference is, Chan's not drunk. Maybe he wasn't drunk the first time either. But something about this time feels...different. His lips are just as soft and desperate as you remember but they feel wrong. This feels wrong.

Chan's hands drop from the wall back down to your waist, slightly lifting your shirt. His touch feels hot against your skin, burning you almost. Chan pulls away from your lips and attaches himself to your neck, nipping at the soft skin and sucking. He slides one hand down, his thumb toying with the waistband of our jeans. His other hand moves to the small of your back. Each act seemingly wakes you up slowly, his touch still burning your skin.

Wrong. This is all wrong.

"Channie...stop," You whisper, trying to push him off.

"Hmm...?" He hums against your skin as he moves down to your collarbone.

"Chan, please stop."

"Why?"

You're not sure if it's your natural fight-or-flight instinct or something else entirely, but you can't stop yourself as your right knee quickly jerks upwards. Chan quickly pulls away from you and doubles over. You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand, trying to process everything that happened.

"What the fuck, Y/n?" Chan turns back to you, holding his stomach. You must have missed, but you still hit him hard enough.

"I told you to stop!"

"If you waited 2 seconds, I was going to." He grits through his teeth.

"You should have stopped the first time. This isn't...it's...you're not--" You stammer trying to find the right words. As you do, Minho's face pops into your head.

"I'm not who?"

You squeeze your eyes shut and shake your head. Nothing is making sense. You didn't exactly hate Chan's touch or kiss. And you were starting to enjoy the night with Chan. And normally, drunk or not, you would have simply gone along with Chan, no matter how disgusting the back alley of the bar is. So why are you thinking about Minho?

"Are you serious, Y/n? You're thinking about him? Right now?" Chan scoffs, finally standing upright.

"I--I'm not!" You lie.

"Y/n, it's been months. He doesn't give a single fuck about you. Never has, never will. While you're rejecting the guy who's right in front of you, he's probably out fucking some girl he doesn't know the name of."

"Minho isn't like that." You shake your head again. Minho isn't like that.

Sure he can be cold at times, but that's when he's trying to hide how he's really feeling. He's the type of person who will drive down to your job at three in the morning, even after a day of classes and a full work shift just to make sure you get home safely. Sure, he'll complain about it the whole time, but you know he doesn't mean it. He's the type of person who will spend hours cooking you a meal he's never made before because you mentioned it once. He's the type of person who will give you his last pudding cup if you ask. And if you didn't he'd give you the first and last bite. He's the type of person who will learn your entire dance routine to help you figure out the one part you're struggling with. He's the type of person who will stay home with you when you're sick just so you're not alone. He's the type of person who cares. Always has been, and always will be.

"You really are fucking pathetic. You know that, right?" Chan says, cooly.

"What...?" Your breath escapes your throat, unsure where this new version of Chan is coming from. Your head swirling in confusion.

"I tried being nice. I tried being patient but there's no point. You're forever going to be hung up on a guy who doesn't care for you anymore. And I'm right here. Hell Changbin and Jisung are probably in line waiting for me to be done with you. But you know what? You're not worth it." Chan laughs.

"I...I don't understand. What's happening right now?" You rub your hands over your face as if that will help you sober up faster.

"You don't understand?" Chan walks closer to you, keeping his distance this time just in case. "Princess, I was only being nice to you so I could sleep with you. And I was going to toss you aside when I was done. But you're not worth all that effort. It's not fun anymore. You're all looks and no substance. I've fucked bimbos with more personality than you. And they're not still hung up over their--Well I'd say ex but you guys weren't even together."

"You're a dick," You spit.

"Maybe, but it's all good fun." He smirks. You've never wanted to hit someone more in your entire life

"Take me home, now." You quietly demand.

"Find a new way home. I'm going back inside to have some more fun." Chan leaves you standing there in disbelief in the alley, confused as to what just happened.

You hate to admit it, but he's right. Not entirely, but he's right. You are pathetic. You're hung up over a guy who would rather let you walk out of his life than be with you. You're holding out hope, for what? That one day he'll wake up and take everything back? Would you even go to him if he did? You're wasting time on him when you could be happier with someone who would be happy to be with you without any fear.

You crouch down to the floor, hugging your knees to your chest. Today, you were meant to celebrate you and your accomplishments. Now, it's a complete shitshow and you can't help but wish Minho was there to comfort you. To stroke your hair and tell you how proud of you he is. To hug you and make you feel better. To make some dumb joke that would make you giggle. You need him, and you hate that you do. Hate that you allowed him to consume so much of your life. Even if Chan wasn't being a total asshat, you know that you would have pushed him away anyway for the simple fact that he's not Minho nor will he ever be. And for that, you hate yourself a little too.

***

"Ugh..." You groan as you wake up. Your head is pounding and the room is spinning. You can't even bear to open your eyes, scared of the light that you know is awaiting to burn your retinas the second you open them.

You lay there in silence for a moment, letting the cool air hit your face. You furrow your brows in confusion. Ma-Ri likes the room to be warm, so why is it ice cold? You slowly open your eyes, trying to minimize the burning sensation you know you're going to feel from the sunlight.

You blink a few times, allowing your eyes to adjust to the light. Still, with your eyes barely open, you look around the room. Everything begins to look familiar. The pictures on the walls. The hoodie slung over the desk chair. The organized mess on the dresser.

"What the hell...?" You mutter as you sit up.

You're in your room back at Minho's apartment. You're not entirely sure how or when you go here. The last thing you remember is arguing with Chan in the back alley of the bar.

"Whoever this is, you better be dying."

"I hate you,"

"Y/n?"

"I really, really hate you. You keep ruining everything for me. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"Y/n, where are you right now?"

"I wish I never fell in love with you. I wish...I wish we never became friends in the first place"

"We'll talk about that later. Just tell me where--"

Click.

That's right, you called Minho last night while in your drunken state. He must have gotten worried and came to pick you up. Why he brought you back to the apartment and not the dorm is beyond you. You're not even sure how he got you home. If you called him just to tell him that you hate him, there's no way you willingly went home with him.

"Minho, put me down!"

"So you can be a brat and run away? No thank you,"

"Put me down, put me down, put me down!"

"Jesus, you're loud as hell-- Ow! Did you just bite my back?"

"Put. Me. Down!"

"You're never allowed to drink again."

...He carried you home like a sack of potatoes because you refused to go with him. You sit up and hold your head in your hand out of embarrassment. He came all the way to you in the middle of the night to take you home, and you acted like a brat.

"I'm never drinking again," you groan, regretting everything that happened last night, even the stuff you can't remember.

You slowly swing your legs over the side of your bed. Immediately, as you start to get up, you notice something is off. You look down at your clothes and notice you’re wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts.

“C’mon, put your arms up,” 

“I’m sorry,”

“You don’t have to be sorry. I shouldn’t have been carrying you like that.”

“Yeah, but I threw up! That’s not cute,”

“You threw up and you’re worried about looking cute?”

“Don’t laugh at me, asshole.”

“Okay, okay. Here, put your shorts on yourself, I’ll go get you a toothbrush and some mouthwash.”

If there was ever a moment for a whole to open up and swallow you whole, now would be the time. Why, why did you have to call Minho? For all you know, he thinks you're spiraling even though you've been doing just fine without him. He had to come to your rescue on your one off day.

You slowly walk over to your closet to find something to walk home in. If you're quiet enough, you might be able to leave without running into Minho or the cats. You know that if you run in Soonie, Doongie, or Dori, you're going to want to stay and cuddle with them. Hopefully, they're sleeping in Minho's room with him. In your closet, you find your favorite pair of sweatpants and and the matching hoodie. You grab a random shirt and get dressed as quickly as the pounding in your head will allow.

After you get dressed, you scan the room, looking for your phone, student ID, and key to Ma-Ri's dorm. You find them on your bedside table. Your phone is charging and faced down with your ID in the case and key attached to the case. Sitting right next to your things, a bottle of water and two aspirins. You let out a deep sigh and take the pills, silently thanking MInho.

You take the bottle of water with you as you quietly leave the room, looking back one last time to see if there is anything you want to take back with you. Your eyes fall on your half of the seashell necklace at your desk. You contemplate taking it for a moment, before closing your door. You slowly close the door, being careful to not make too much noise. Once you turn around, you lock eyes with Doongie, who is sitting on the arm of the couch,

"Fuck," you mutter under your breath.

Doongie hops off the arm of the chair and walks towards you. Doonige begins to purr as he walks between your legs, pressing his body against you. You bite your bottom lip and look up at the ceiling. There is nothing more that you want to do than to pick him up and hug him. But you know you can't you don't have time. Soonie and Dori come from their hiding places and start meowing at you, being more vocal than you remember them being.

"I know, I know. I miss you too but I really need you guys to--"

"Guys, I know you're excited but mom needs to--Oh, you're awake. Minho walks into the living room in an apron, holding a wooden spoon. The front of his hair is up in a ponytail with one of your clips that he stole. Stole is too aggressive. You clipped his bangs up for him during a dance practice because it was frustrating him and he never gave it back.

"I...I am. Thank you for picking me up...and taking care of me. I need to get going." You say quickly, averting your eyes.

"Wait, don't leave yet. I made you haejang-guk." He says quickly, putting his hands up as you start to walk away.

"You made me haejang-guk?" Your head tilts to the side.

"I figured you could use something in your stomach after last night. Eat some before you run away again."

Ba dump. Ba dump.

The idea of Minho waking up early just to make you hangover soup makes your heart skip a beat. It's not a complicated recipe, a fairly simple one. But you also know that when Minho cooks for someone, it's a labor of love. And for that, your heart is a little hopeful.

"Yeah, sure," You nod.

The two of you quietly walk to the dining room. You sit in your usual spot like usual, not thinking much of it until Minho freezes for a second, staring at you with a small smile as he brings you out a bowl of soup. You silently thank him and wait for him to come back with his own bowl out of habit. Once he's back, he gestures for you to start eating.

You pick up the spoon and blow on it for a second before putting the cooled spoon in your mouth. The saltiness of the soup hits your tongue, quickly ridding your mouth of that nauseating bitter aftertaste you were starting to notice. The heat from the soup starts to warm up your body. It's hard to explain, but Minho's cooking reminds you of home. His cooking tastes nothing like your mother's, but it feels like home. You're more homesick for him than you are for your parents.

"How's your head?" He asks, breaking the silence.

"Better," You take another spoonful of soup and quickly swallow/ "Thanks for the aspirin."

"No need to thank me. I know how cranky you can get when you're not feeling well. I did it for Ma-Ri's sake." He teases.

It feels almost normal, sitting here eating breakfast with Minho. Like you haven't been ignoring him for the past couple of months. Going home for the holidays was difficult. You two almost got into a fight on Christmas morning in front of your parents when you opened one of your gifts from Minho to find your half of the scallop shell made into a necklace. And now the two of you are being civil as you eat soup. Maybe you're too tired and hungover to fight right now.

"I have a question," Minho asks again.

"What?"

"How does Ma-Ri sleep with your snoring?"

"I don't snore. You know I don't snore."

"Must be new. You were snoring last night." Miho smirks.

"How would you know that I was snoring last ni--"

"Minho, wait,"

"What's wrong?"

"Can you stay with me?"

"I don't know that's a good idea."

"Please?"

"Y/n,"

"What...What if I throw up again? I could asphyxiant."

"Don't roll over then. I put you on your side for a reason."

"Minho, please. Just this once."

"...Fine. But only until you fall asleep."

Seriously, you're never drinking again. You put your spoon down and hold your head in your hands just as Minho starts laughing. You let out a pained groan at your stupidity. How could drunk you abandon your morals like that?

"I probably only snored because I was so drunk." You mumble as you pick your spon back up and start to eat your soup again.

"Surn,"

"Minho," You set your hand on the table, "Why are you being nice to me?"

"We'll talk after breakfast," He says quickly.

"I'm going home after I finish eating." You watch as Minho's face slightly twists when you say home because he knows you don't mean the apartment.

You watch as Minho's eyes shift up like they normally do when he's thinking. Like the thoughts are written on his brain and he is trying to physically see it. Cute.

"Y/n," He says suddenly.

"Yes?" You quirk your eyebrow at him.

"Let's talk," He places his spoon down on the table.

"Are we not already talking?"

"No--I mean yes, we are--but that's not what I mean." You watch in confusion as Minho starts to get flustered.

"Min?"

"None of this is how I planned it but something tells me that I'm not going to get another choice."

"Another chance for what?"

"Y/n," Minho sits up a little straighter in his seat. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for telling you that we should pretend that we had a one-night stand after we slept together. I'm sorry for being a coward for all these years and hiding my feelings from you. And I'm sorry--"

"Min, breathe." You say as Minho speaks fast, not taking a single breath.

"Sorry, it's just-- I love you, Y/n. I am truly, madly, deeply in love with you. And these past couple of months without you have been hell. I need you in my life. And I want to be with you, and I mean really be with you. Even if it scares me. Especially if it does." Minho stares at you, maintaining eye contact with you. There's a twinkle in his eyes, determination maybe.

The two of you sit in silence for a moment. Minho waits for your response, feeling as if he's said everything I was able to. You, on the other hand, process everything that just happened. You can't help but let out a small laugh.

"Why...are you laughing?" Minho asks, his voice laced with concern and fear.

"Because you have shit timing." You explain as you set down your spoon.

"What do you mean?" He tilts his head as he stares at you.

"I love you too, and if you asked me months ago, I would have asked for this exact scenario."

"I need context, I can't guess. You know I’m not a mind reader."

“I’m not going the be here in a few months.” You say simply, unsure of how to explain. Or if you should even try to.

“Neither am I. We’re graduating.”

“No I mean,” You take a second to let out a sigh, “I don’t want to go back home and run the dance studio. That’s always been more your thing than mine. I want to travel and being in Japan last summer made me realize that. I spent most of the school year auditioning for overseas companies. And I got a few offers."

"Oh," Minho's expression drops to an unreadable one.

"And judging by that reaction, you're not going to be able to handle a long-distance relationship."

You pick up your bowl and quickly drink the rest of your soup. Once you're done, you use your spoon to scoop the leftover veggies from the soup and shove them in your mouth before quickly standing up. Soonie, Doongie, and Dori come out from under the table and follow you as you walk towards the front door.

"Y/n, wait! Let's talk about this." You hear Minho's chair fall to the floor as he quickly gets up and rushes to you.

"You've been so scared of me leaving all these years. Wouldn't me moving away after a little over 2 months of dating be the same thing for you? Can you honestly tell me that you wouldn't start panicking once I'm gone?" You turn back to face Minho, who is standing about three feet from you.

He stands there puzzled, unable to answer. Or, he knows the answer and is unwilling to share it with you. Both of you know deep down that it'd be difficult for him, that his fear would settle in and he'd up breaking up with you. Or maybe that's your own fear and it's just easier to project that onto him.

What's wrong with you? You've wanted nothing more than to date Minho since you two were 15. And now that he finally got over his fears, you shut it down. Maybe you were a little grateful over the years for not being with Minho. That being near him was enough. But now that the opportunity to be with him, fully and deeply, you're terrified. You've spent years making fun of Minho for being a coward, but at the end of the day, you're just like him.

"That's what I thought. Maybe it's better we stay friends." You open the door and hesitate leaving Minho for a second time. "I wish you had this epiphany sooner. Maybe we would have had a chance."

You pause the music and let out a frustrated groan. For some reason,y you can't nail one of the moves in your routine. It's making you want to rip all of your hair out. It's a simple move, you've done it before in other routines, but for some reason, you can't hit it now and it's pissing you off.

You don't look up when you hear the door to the practice room open, too focused on the dance tutorial on your phone, hoping to see if there is anything you can do differently to hit the move and call it for the day.

"I still have this room for another hour," You call out, not looking up to see who walked into the practice room.

Still focused on the video, you don't notice that the door doesn't open again. You don't notice the rapid footsteps that make their way to you. Nothing you feel two hands cup your face and lips press to yours. You freeze for a second, alarmed by the sudden touch until you see that it's Minho kissing you. Your eyes slowly close as your heart begins to pound in your chest. It's a simple kiss, not going past his lips touching your lips, but it's enough to make you melt into his touch. His calloused fingers rough against your skin. Your hands find their way to the front of his shirt, barely gripping the fabric between your fingers.

After what feels like an eternity, Minho finally pulls away. Your eyes remain closed, afraid of opening them and Minho disappearing. Your grip tightens on Minho's shirt as you slowly open your eyes. You blink a couple of times to make sure he's really there and you're not dreaming. With each blink, Minho's serious face stares back at you.

"What…what the fuck was that?" You whisper. Minho's simple kiss seems to have taken away your voice.

"I don't care," Minho says softly.

"Excuse me?" Your grip loosens on Minho's shirt.

"I don't care that you're leaving. Go, live your dream, I'll be here. I just want to be with you. And if that means I can't physically be with you, I'm okay with that. I did some thinking. I'm perfectly okay with being long-distance with you. I just want to be with you. I'm tired of being scared."

Minho's hopeful eyes, stare into your confused ones. Realization and hope settle into you the longer Minho is quiet. He means it, truly. You can tell. You've known him long enough to know that he does. You can feel his hands shake against your face in anticipation. Part of you wonders if he can feel your heart pounding. You can feel your heart banding against your ribcage in every inch of your body.

"I'm going to be living overseas." You whisper slowly.

"Did I break your brain?" Minho laughs, "I told you, I don't care. I can come visit you. Or, I can move with you. I can find work as a dance teacher anywhere."

You shake your head, gripping his shirt so tight you're almost certain that you're stretching out the soft blue cotton.

"No, taking over the studio back home is your dream. It always has been. I can't let you give that up." You say firmly.

"No, you're my dream. Always has and always will be. I wanted to run the dance studio with you because I wanted to be with you, not because I love the studio. As long as I'm near you, I'm happy. I don't care where we are."

Minho looks down with downcast eyes, slowly losing hope the longer you take to reply. You love him, with your whole body and soul. You want nothing more than to be with him, so why are you hesitating? You know you've always held a special place in Minho's heart. But how do you know that this isn't just his anxiety talking? What if you two start dating and he says that it was a mistake again? Like he did after you two slept together. How can you truly know that he loves you in the way that you love? The way that you want--no need?

"Y/n?" Minho whispers.

"Yeah?" You whisper back, closing your eyes.

"I first fell in love with you during Dream a Little Dream of Me." He says suddenly.

"My jazz solo from when we were twelve?" You cock your head to the side in confusion.

"It was your first dance solo. And you placed. First place to be exact."

"I remember,"

"Do you want to know what I remember?" Minho's hands slide down from your face down to your waists and just rest there.

"What?"

"I remember watching you struggle with the routine for weeks before the competition. Hell, I was worried, I thought you weren't going to nail it in time. You even refused my help and didn't hang out with me in our free time between school and our extracurriculars. I remember you getting yelled at by the instructor because you were struggling so much. And I remember you walking on that stage the day of the competition and I was in awe of you. I remember standing in the wings waiting for you, ready to comfort you just in case something went wrong. I remember that pale blue dress and the way it sparkled under the stage lights. I remember how gracefully you danced on stage and thinking you were just like a butterfly. I knew that I always wanted to be there to experience you in all your glory. I knew in that moment, you were it. You're still it for me, I don't want to be with anyone else."

You remember that competition. Jazz wasn't your strongest dance style but your coach had faith in you. You'd practice in all of your free time to make sure you got the routine down perfectly. As tiresome as it was, that was the same time you decided to take dance seriously and pursue it professionally.

"That…that was twelve years ago." Your voice cracks, tears welling in your eyes.

"I've loved you for twelve years. And I'll love you for twelve more. And twelve years after that. I'll love you in multiples of twelve for all of eternity. Until death do us part, and even then I'll still love you beyond death. Like I said, you're it for me."

You bite your bottom lip, the butterflies in your stomach doing somersaults. If he didn't feel your heart pounding before, he surely can hear it now. Something in you tells you to trust him. The same thing in you that's always told you to trust him, even when that trust was baseless.

"And you're it for me," You pull on Minho's shirt, bringing him closer to you. His lips crash into yours, you can feel his lips turn into a smile as you both decide to trust that everything is going to be alright.

—

Buy me a coffee?

—

Taglist

Red means that it wouldn't let me tag you (either at all or properly)

@amyyscorner @aaasia111 @weird-bookworm @allaboutyej8 @kangaracharacha @lilcutieana @jungkookies1002 @lanatheawesome @hanniemylovelyquokka @jiisungllvr @marked-unknown @kitheat @spearb-99 @chlodavids @veedoesntknaur @yongbbokkie @warlockwithoutcharisma @fennecnco @aslou  @babygirlsuna @jihanlovic @kalopsian-thoughts @reianagarcia @sunshinessky  @brain-empty-only-draken @f9clementine  @jaydebow @phtogravi @mal-lunar-28 @jhstayy

#feelbokkie writes #one last dance smau #stray kids #skz #stray kids smau #skz smau #chan #bangchan #bang chan #lee know #minho #lee minho #changbin #seo changbin #hyunjin #hwang hyunjin #han #jisung #han jisung #felix #yongbok #lee felix #lee yongbok #lee felix yongbok #seungmin #kim seungmin #i.n #jeongin #minho smau

[panlight]

Hi. I have a few thoughts about "Breaking Dawn". I am 50/50 with these options, maybe they are both correct or both are not correct. Mayer wrote that all vampires know how to use modern technology because

1. So that vampires don't look pathetic and insignificant in the eyes of modern people who are surrounded by these technologies.

2. Vampires actually interact with these things, Bella is an unreliable storyteller in this.

Imagine stone statues that used to be people, but now they eat people. The cute things they have they took from the corpses of their victims. They don't watch movies or listen to music (don't know how to use technology or don't their senses perceive it?), don't talk to people and fight to the death for territory and food with other vampires. Doesn't sound cool, does it? A vampire who is 300-500 years old with a MacBook and a Range Rover is something else.

Your thoughts?

See this is really fascinating to me, especially back when I was actively reading fanfic, to see how differently other people interpreted it. Because when I originally read the books, my impression was that yeah, they weren't doing any of this. They were living in the woods just eating people and not going near humans at all because they couldn't without killing them. I thought it was really super hard, borderline impossible, for human-killing vampires to really interact with the human world in any meaningful way. That they couldn't pop into a movie theater and watch a film because the temptation to kill everyone would be too great and then it would be a whole thing and the Volturi might come after them. Like, at the time I thought Jasper going into a diner in the first place was super weird; why would he do that (other than so the cute diner story can happen, of course!), especially when he was already thirsty! Seemed to be asking for trouble!

And so, yeah, I didn't think being a Twilight style vampire sounded that cool. Living in the forest attacking random hikers and then wearing their clothes? Can't sleep? Can only drink blood and not enjoy food at all? No thanks. Sounds awful. What's the point of immortality if you can't like, DO stuff? Even the Volturi, Patrons of the Arts that they are, allegedly have just sat still on their thrones for so long they have literally gathered dust and started to petrify. They aren't going out and exploring the world, they aren't being active and engaged. They're sitting there like the stone people they are.

But then other people interpreted it totally differently and wrote vampires outside the Cullens having fairly Cullen-like lives with enjoying human world arts and culture and tech. Other vampires who had jobs and cool cars and nice houses. And certainly I've read and seen plenty of other vampire stories that do that, but I thought originally that Twilight vampires were much more 'feral' for the lack of the better word and hidden, that the whole vegetarian thing DID allow the Cullens a level of access to the human world that other vampires didn't have.

I've now come to think it's somewhere in the middle. I think Twilight vampires are still pretty nomadic, generally, and out of touch with the human world, but not as completely as I thought before. The whole red eyes thing are a bit of problem, but with colored contacts (like Heidi uses) or sunglasses, it's not a huge thing in the modern world. And I think the temptation to hunt is not as extreme as I originally had thought, either. That they probably can sit in a diner or movie theater or library for awhile and be fine as long no one is actively bleeding. But I still think the average Twilight vampire probably leads a pretty 'boring' life that's mostly about where they are going to find their next victim and trying not to draw attention to themselves. The average vampire isn't scrolling TikTok on their phone, because they don't have one, and don't have money to pay for service, because they don't have a job or a bank account. But they might fool around with the phone of their victim for a little while before tossing it so they can't be tracked. They don't have a permanent residence (other than Amun and his hidden temple, I guess), but might "play house" from time to time in a victim's place for the novelty of it, take a shower, figure out how the TV works, before going back to the wilderness once their victim's disappearance is noticed. It seems really lonely and boring, and a waste of their incredible intelligence. Better if you have a mate, I guess, but even then. I think the James/Victoria lifestyle (other than hunting other vampires for funsies like James liked to do) is probably closer to the average vampire experience than the Cullens'.

But then again, in MS James knows how to fly a plane apparently. Or did he just like . . . figure it out as he went since it wouldn't matter if he crashed?

#asks

[borathae]

which one of bts do you think would be more into a 24/7 dinamic (d/s)

I don’t think any of them would be really into that 🤔 idk maybe it’s because I'm not into it, so I can’t really see them liking it either but I don’t think any of them could be into that kinda thing. Especially not with their busy schedules, they wouldn’t really have the time to truly live in a "constant kink, set rules, fixed roles and different levels of power" dynamic.

But to still give you something cause we love to fantasise on here, Imma give you a "who would want to have a set day in the week for kink with a 24/7 (24/1) kinda dynamic" MTL list

Most

Yoongi

Jimin

Jungkook

Namjoon

Hoseok

Taehyung

Seokjin

Least

Yoongi -> either as a pillow prince sub who also wants to be roughed up a little and spend ages between your legs lapping at your sweetness with his fingers oh so wet from pumping them into you or a Daddy Dom with some Findom princess treatment as well. He'd probably want to buy you everything you want, cook for you, bathe you where he sits behind you and goes oh so delicately and it slowly turns into sexy touches and slow kisses before he has his hand between your legs drawing orgasm after orgasm out of you, maybe even with his hands around your throat gently. help. (yeah besties we have reached the point where I finally accept that I like that he might be into that. Don’t look at me, I still need to cope with my own kink developments, also i am talking TRUE Daddy Dom aka a loving safe caretaker vibe without the toxic heteronormativ take on the kink obviously, also no age play)

Jimin -> I see him as a teasing, flirty babyboy (not age play just a cutie patootie) who wants to sit on your lap or face he also wants to get pegged until he can't cum anymore i said what i said or if he Doms as a soft Dom with a imma take care of you but also tease the fuck outta you kinda vibe who would probably slide his hand in your panties every now and then throughout the day to give you an orgasm and then act all nonchalant again while you are literally all ruined, before he ends the day with passionate sex in the sheets fnnd

Jungkook -> prettiest subbbb who just wants to push his limits and give so mucccch like it's giving hours of oral, thigh riding, cockriding where he doesn't get to cum, also bondage and some painplay i said what i said or complete soft Dom giving princess treatment and rough sex later *dies* like fuckkckc he'd just treat you so well throughout the day, give you neck kisses and do something soft like do your hair or your skincare for you BEFORE he literally ruins you in the sheets

Namjoon -> another canditate for true Daddy Dom or if he subs, I see him as a service sub babyboy a'la "i'm a smol and fragile cuddlebean" I feel like he needs to feel small (not age wise but size wise) sometimes and he'd want to use the day to be your little cutie with lots of cuddles and soft, meaningful sex later. As a Daddy Dom I feel like he'd want to rub your feet and give you slow oral on the couch, then read a book to you as he strokes your hair before making you ride him slowly, like he's giving soft but sexy

Hoseok -> lowkey I feel like he'd be mean (sexy) and just use the day to edge the fuck outta you and the night to fuck orgasm after orgasm outta you. I lowkey think he doesn’t sub a lot but if he does, he'd want the same treatment, but he'd be a lot whinier about it jfjadsj. he wouldn't want to leave the house the entire day and would probs already wake you up with his mouth on your sweetness like you and he would feel DONE once the day is over. this day is a sex day for him where he'd probably forget that it's about a D/s dynamic in the middle of it, which is why I put him so low. he just wants to fuccck

Taehyung -> surprise I put him quite low, but I feel like he wouldn’t really see the thrill in it. He would rather dedicate a day to romancing and the night to passionate sex. What he could enjoy is some findom where he takes you shopping and decides what you can and can't have, that could work for him. If he subs, I see him liking the day more because then, he'd want you to be artsy with him and he can look pretty for you

Seokjin -> I genuinely can’t see him liking it, he'd be all like "can’t we just do something else? Go somewhere fun, eat something yummy and then just dedicate a few hours to sex later?" if the dynamic truly has to happen 24 hours he'd want it reduced to petnames (like only calling each other Madam/Sir or babygirl/boy) for most of it and then dedicate a few hours to sex where more kink happens

#bts mtl #bts smut #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bangtan mtl #bangtan smut #bangtan fanfic #bangtan fanfiction #bts x reader #bts x you #bangtan x reader #bangtan x you #mtl #asks #anon

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Do you think Marinette really loves Adrien or does she loves the idea of him in her head?

Idk but I'm agree with Alya in Elation that you can't really love someone you don't know and Marinette arguably know Adrien only on surface level, either from the magazines or stalking him. We never got a scene where they talk together to get to know each other and then BAM! They just get together.

I also feels like Adrien's love for Marinette also more a rebound than anything. The writers can say anything they want, that Adrien fell in love with Marinette in Pupeteer2. But you don't develop feelings for someone you barely know, especially when in that said episode Adrien still think Marinette hate him. It's just weird. But again, idk, maybe it just me because I don't catch feelings to someone I barely talk to. That's just creepy AF no offense.

It's really hard to say because canon is all over the place when it comes to how close Adrien and Marinette are. Season three and four make them feel like little more than acquaintances, but if you think back to seasons one and two, they legitimately were friends.

Adrien turned to Marinette for dating advice (Frozer). Marinette and Adrien gamed for hours to prepare for a tournament (Gamer). Marinette and Adrien went to a party with their friends and danced together (Despair Bear). Marinette, Adrien, and their friends worked together to make a movie (Horrificator). I could go on, but the general gist is that it feels disingenuous to say that they barely interact. They interact a lot! It's just limited to the first two seasons.

I scanned through the episode list while writing this and seasons one and two have them interact in a meaningful way in about half of the episodes while seasons three and four got distracted by the new love interests, Lila, and the awful broken Ladynoir dynamic, dramatically cutting back on the Adrinette content to the show's detriment.

The other issue is that Marinette's crush is written more and more like a celebrity crush as the seasons go on, making it feel less and less genuine. So it's understandable to feel like she doesn't really love Adrien given how the show presents her, but if you tone down the crush to a non-comedic level, it does feel earned to me and I am also the kind of person that needs to know someone before developing feelings. Celebrity crushes and instant love are things I rarely enjoy in media probably at least in part because I'm ace.

I actually didn't get truly invested in the love square until Origins showed us why they first developed feelings. There's a reason I treat that episode as the golden standard for characterization. It's some of the best writing Miraculous has ever done. The writers crammed an impressive amount of content into 40 minutes and elevated the silly teen crushes into something with real substance. I will forever be sad that the rest of the show falls so short of that episode.

Moving on!

The Puppeteer 2 thing feels like a bad joke and it might be? It's hard to tell given how weird this show can get with its humor. Either way, it would have made a lot more sense and been much cuter if Adrien fell for Marinette when she unknowingly confessed her crush to him Glaciator 2 instead of falling for her after she accidentally forces a kiss on him during a prank gone wrong.

As for the rebound element... yeah, I don't disagree. Everything about the reverse crush was just weird because Ladybug falling for Chat Noir felt way more honest and earned than Adrien falling for Marinette given the way seasons five plays. I mean, the episode right before the reverse saw Ladynoir get married and have children, but Adrien is the one whose feelings are true and Marinette is the one having a rebound? Sure, writers. Sure.

If the reverse had happened right off of the season four finale, though? Then that actually could have worked. In those episodes, Marinette supported Adrien while their friends were oblivious to his true feelings, Adrien finally saw just how much pressure Ladybug was under, and Chat Noir supported Ladybug unconditionally in her darkest hour. I'm personally not a fan of the crushes switching mid-show, but I'd be lying if I said that wasn't a solid setup to lead into it. Adrienette and Ladynoir had never felt closer.

I think it's fair to say that this is why Miraculous is such a complex show for a lot of fans. It has truly spectacular setups, but the payoff always seems to fall flat on its face.

#ml writing salt #ml writing critical #adrien deserves better #marinette deserves better

[olderthannetfic]

The "reblog, don't like. Liking hurts creators" stuff has always gotten on my nerves, who are you to tell me what to put on my blog? But I jsut saw this post, which put it in a different light. https://mayahawkse.tumblr.com/post/691239174316097536/heres-a-little-comparison-for-people-who-say

I' got on Tumblr in 2013, quit around the porn ban, and only came back pretty recently. I didn't realise that people had actually stopped reblogging things from each other.

I guess the "likes hurt creators" thing might have some validity after all. I still really don't like the tone of entitlement or the idea that expressing your appreciation to OP with a like is an insult instead of an expression of appreciation.

The comment section probably cuts into the reblog counts; people have conversations there instead of in reblog chains, and don't have to reblog an entire post just to point out one quick thing or make the same joke as everyone else, but I don't think that comments account for the ratios in that post, especially since the screenshots don't show posts with hefty comments.

So yeah, guys, likes don't hurt creators, but Tumblr is for passing posts around. If you see something you like, you can just reblog it to be all "look at this cool thing I found". You don't have to worry about adding anything meaningful in a reblog, and if you and all your mutuals reblog the same post twelve times in a row, well, that's just how Tumblr works; if someone gets anoyed they can block the post through xkit.

--

Eh. I'd beware of anecdata like that.

I used to get like 2 notes a post and no asks ever. On the rare occasions that I reblogged heavily in a hot fandom of the moment for a month or two, I got a lot of engagement once people realized I was a place to go for that fandom, and I particularly got a lot of reblogs because people wanted that content on their own tumblrs.

Currently, I get a decent number of reblogs, but I get a lot more other interaction because things here tend to be discussions and debates and people don't necessarily want them on their own tumblrs.

--

In my case, I don't like the framing that it hurts creators because that's assuming that a person would have reblogged if they hadn't liked. In reality, they probably just wouldn't have interacted.

People pass posts around all kinds of ways, including pasting links to mine into various discord channels for fandom drama or sending me links to others' posts via chat messages here.

I also don't like the framing that it hurts creators because this only makes sense if you mean that it hurts the ability of visual artists to earn money.

Am I not a creator of a kind? Do I not write copious meta even if a lot of the content here comes from others? My ~engagement numbers~ are not harmed by failing to reblog. My engagement numbers don't matter full stop.

Or maybe, maybe, it's not about money, but it's about clout-chasing nonsense. Boo hoo, my gifset doesn't do numbers because it's not 2012 and I'm not in superwholock fandom now. Oh well. Chase the crowds to another site or chase the megafandoms. That's the only way to get those numbers back.

--

I do think that some time after 2012, people became increasingly afraid of harassment and may have pulled back on interactions, particularly contentful ones, because of that.

But mostly, tumblr has cleared out. Fewer people are using it, and fewer of the ones remaining are using it actively in a way where it makes sense to fill their own blog with content.

Maybe part of the change is that you can't become a BNF of tasteful curation so easily now, so there's no point in reblogging unless it's for yourself?

Maybe it's gifsets that are out of fashion? I don't know.

--

I never had much interest in "look at this cool thing" sans commentary back then, and I have little now. I have my activity page set to hide all that.

The changing phases of a site can be interesting, but we need a bit more than one person's top couple of posts to reach any conclusions.

[catgirlbussy]

holy shit i just realised im autistic

i know this seems like a shitpost, and tbf i am laughing at myself pretty hard rn. it's dawning on me at 6 AM after being awake all night, but (if you care, and if you don't feel free to ignore too, have a nice day!) hear me out, cause this genuinely feels meaningful and insightful for me with how my life has gone so far. I spent an hour writing this post in hopes someone might find it helpful too :3c

If you don't wanna read my post pls enjoy this picture of our famous friend autism baby stackin those cans before you go~♪

(source: wikipedia)

l

like i already /knew/ I was before this moment, but i was thinkin about what i used to do as a kid and wow i am so autistic how the fuck did i not realise sooner. It straight up wasn't until I was already well into my 20's that I started to meet other autistic people online and learned about their experiences and difficulties from talking with them that I realised a lot of things they described matched for me too.

I live in assfuck nowhere so most of my life the only few times that I had met autistic people were like, folks who were nonverbal or whatever, just generally needing direct assistive care, and I never bothered to look things up on my own because I was already inundated with the pressures of growing up, school, mental health, etc. I remember one of the first times I had built up the courage to ask anyone about it, I was in the hospital because of mental health issues. This was in my second year uni, and when one of the doctors assessing me was asking me questions, I said I thought maybe I was autistic. He promptly and with a fair amount of snark told me that if I was autistic I wouldn't have gotten into university.

Thinking back, he was probably just an exhausted, fresh outta school resident with no special interest in psychiatric care (and also just seemed to suck in general), but it was enough that I shelved the idea for another 5 years.

Lo and behold, now I am lying here in bed, just absolutely gobsmacked by the VERY REAL idea that im autistic and like holy shit I feel so vindicated.

I've been on tumblr for just a bit, but I see a lot of folks talking in various neurodivergent circles about their experiences and that's been so wonderful for me. I also have a few good friend groups w/ a lot of neurodivergent folks, and that's been really exciting too.

Like, I'm still processing this cognitively as I'm writing, so please pardon this ill patterned post, but this feels like such a beneficial thing for me. Over time I've adapted a few strategies here and there to help myself accomplish various tasks, but now I feel so empowered to, like... actually figure stuff out.

Even after feeling confident I was autistic, it was this nebulous, floating concept in my head for so long of, "oh yeah im autistic or something idk," that I never really dedicated much effort to finding healthier ways to do things that didn't irk me or whatever. I don't feel like the label /itself/ is what is important to me here, but rather the awareness around why I do so many things in the ways that I do and that it's /okay/ that I do.

I don't want this post to go on too much longer, but I feel it's worth noting that I've fought for years with my family because they didn't understand why I was going about things the way I did. Again, remember, they all grew up in this cloistered hellhole too. But, surprise surprise, the times in my life that I have been doing better than any other are when I felt confident enough to ignore what everyone was trying to get me to go along with and instead just fashioned my own best methods (which also sometimes included informing said overbearing individual(s) to go fuck themselves cause I'm busy doing shit. It's hard for them to argue with me telling them as much when I would be completing X objective well, which is what they wanted in the first place).

I don't want to make this sound like I'm trying to be overconfident, but I mention as much instead as a sign of support for other neurodivergent folks to feel similarly empowered to drum to their own beat. Thinking back, I went from almost failing high school and ultimately retaking a grade to excelling in all my classes. Every single one. I know that's a relative assessment, you got variable difficulty levels, etc., and the grade score isn't important in and of itself, least of all because the school systems here (Canada) are a mess it seems, but just that alone as an idea, within the parameters of a particular system, I went from initial abject failure to thorough and lauded success.

Just think of what so many people could do if they weren't being pigeonholed into formats that absolutely aren't working for them.

I already have a boatload of (genuinely helpful by way of enabling access to proper education and treatment) diagnoses from my history of working with my (very wonderful and genuinely caring and helpful) psychiatrist that match with what I know about the neurodivergence term umbrella like ADHD, OCD, and bipolar, so it seems |autism| will feel quite at home in the group ^w^. I'll ask her about it at my next appointment to see if an official diagnosis has any value versus me just continuing to figure things out on my own.

Either way, I am thrilled right now thinking about the next time I get to shout

"FUCK YOU IM DOING AUTISTIC SHIT"

while an electric guitar squeals and lightning strikes all around me and I make cool stuff happen :3c.

#autism #autistic adult #autistic artist #autistic things #autistic community #autism spectrum disorder #neurodiversity #neurodivergence #neurodiverse #ADHD #attention deficit hyperactivity disorder #bipolar disorder #bipolar #OCD #obsessive compulsive disorder #neurodivergent #neurotypical #;w; #im tired #also cant be fucked to fix the order kf these tags #long post #optimism #mental health #mental health support #mental health awareness #help #helping #idk what im doin witj thesentags goodnluck gamers

[frecklystars]

Also tysm to the people who sent nice messages regarding my new F/O I haven’t named yet (I’m just worried about jinxing my ship with him since he’s very very different from the other characters I normally ship with, and idk if I want to keep him on the F/O list or if I need him to be some completely separate category). at some point I might post self ship art if my feelings remain steady hehe. just silly stuff. I like making him uncharacteristically flustered and nervous…

I think it’s funny some of you are trying to guess who it is, nobody has guessed correctly yet but you’re giving me ideas. hi camp counselor Jason I’m looking directly at you. Too bad I can’t handle horror movies at all 😂

Anyway. The deleted scene I vented about yesterday. I feel a lot calmer today; that scene canonically didn’t happen, since it was deleted, and even the director said “yeah, this scene was too cruel even for him, so we cut it”. Seeing it shook me up very badly, but I know My Version of [redacted] would never do such things anyways. I rewatched the ending scenes for his source material, I watched funny videos/memes about him, his canon stuff is absolutely nothing like the deleted scenes and I feel better knowing that.

And I suppose when I self ship with him, he’s very different anyways, regardless of what is on screen. He falls in love with me before he can commit half of his crimes. I can be the first meaningful human connection he ever has. I can save him from his own stupidity. I have never genuinely had the “I can fix him” mentality about any villain F/O until I started shipping with this guy. Rolling up my sleeves. I can fix him. I AM fixing him.

And in turn he’s helping me feel a little bit better about practicing self love without conditions: if I can genuinely believe someone as scary as this dude would love me unconditionally, then maybe one day I can ship with TF characters again ;w;

#if I didn’t have trauma I wouldn’t be shipping with him at all #but it’s helping. the other day it helped a LOT I was genuinely weeping with relief when I realized #I’m giving him a hug. baby doll we are erasing 90% of your murders. isn’t that nice! #we are taking the basic DNA of this character and rewriting it

[gerardpilled]

literally stop being an mcr fan then! why can you forgive gerard but not lynz? everyone will pretend they support the idea of allowing someone to learn and grow and change but then they'll see a woman and go oh no not her she's irredeemable like? the double standards are ridiculous

It’s so crazy… I’ve seen countless people say that she needs to explicitly apologize for her actions and yeah I guess that would be nice. I just think it's a more complicated and nuanced situation than it might seem. Her apologizing for being in msi and participating in complicit racism would implement a lot of people and make them guilty by association. It would imply everyone including the sound guys who worked shows would then be connected to "having worked for a racist band" and could seriously complicate relationships - both working and not.

Also, I sometimes really don't understand why this is a discussion worthy of so much time other than reflecting on the atmosphere that allowed such a band to rise within the scene? (I think there's a real meaningful conversation to be had about the excusing of racism from a lot of people within the alt music scene even today.)The band hasn’t toured since 2014? Acts like Marilyn Manson - who among all his other crimes also used racial slurs as shock value - is actively touring. And for the double standards - Frank fucking toured with msi in 2013 like why not cancel him for that LOL!!! Or god forbid, Gerard for working with Jimmy Urine in 2018.

Even forgiving Gerard for saying he’s Japanese while dogpiling Lindsey for saying she’s partially Indian when she doesn’t even know her birth dad is wild to me. The tweets are very similar to each other - and neither of them have apologized? I've seen people start excusing Gerard's tweet, extrapolating info like "he must have taken a DNA test" well, there's no proof of that, and why not extend that benefit of the doubt to Lindsey? Like yes, she shouldn’t have said it but Gerard shouldn’t have either! I also just can't help but think there are more important issues oh my god!!! I've seen people - both Indian and East Asian alike - express discomfort with both Lindsey's and Gerard's actions, and I completely understand that! I just only ever see Lindsey's held to such irredeemable levels, and that's usually by white people who I personally feel are overstepping their role. I just can't help but think some white people do not have meaningful, real life, conversations with the demographics they are supposedly advocating for.

I am definitely not the person to absolve her of her sins or excuse anything she’s done and people she’s hurt, but do people (and I mean primarily other white people who - from my experience - are mainly the ones posting hate about her) realize she has probably been the most clear and explicit about her anti-racist learning curve? Out of anyone even remotely connected to mcr, she has posted and done more direct funding and outreach for Black organizations than anyone. Yes, that’s Twitter activism and doesn’t exactly amount to much in the grand scheme of things, but if people who hate her judge her off of her internet footprint, why not use the same to realize maybe she has learned?

I recently tried to see if she had acknowledged any of her faults publicly- and to my shock - she has!

I’m not saying this is the best response to every thing but I also never saw this mentioned ever before.

I truly think some of the worst stuff she’s done is publicly support Jimmy Urine after the allegations came out but again everyone who just spreads that as a fact completely misses the context of her ex friend spreading unhinged rumors about her for like a year before those allegations came out. Jessicka Adams accused Gerard of sexual misconduct and started claiming that Lindsey was in cahoots with a man who accused Jessicka of sleeping with him when he was underage. Truly unhinged stuff.

If I was Lindsey and my ex-friend was doing that, purposefully targeting people close to me, I also might immediately assume she was behind those against the lead singer of my old band! She should NOT have voiced her suspicions publicly, and I do think that was wrong, but it’s not like she doubled down on it since? I know a lot of people would like to think they would act differently if they were in her shoes, but really think about it! If allegations that arose online came out against a man you called a friend - who you let watch your daughter - would you immediately publicly turn against him? She should have apologized when it became clear the allegations were not unfounded, but even when the news first broke she was liking tweets which better explained her mindset. Also last I heard, they are no longer friends at all.

Again with the double standards though. I've seen no noise around Mikey’s wife publicly defending wife abuser Johnny Depp (a person she does not even know) when he won his trial? Or the fact that Gerard was also very good friend with Jimmy and most likely shares a similar opinion as his wife?

I've also seen people say things like "well she should have known because of all the signs" I think this a dangerous oversimplification. What about the band No Devotion? Everyone loves them here. They formed after their old lead singer was exposed as rapist with multiple situations of him sleeping with young girls on tour. Why didn't those guys know about it?

I also just feel like using this case a justification to hate her alongside stuff like "she made a mikey hate blog!!" (she didn't) just feels so wrong to me. It’s like people are happy this happened to a woman because it gives justification to hate Lindsey. I see no attempts to support this Jane Doe with tweets of support or some kind of fundraiser. It's always just rooted in hatred of another woman.

[ohthemis]

Hey I don't know if you're taking requests, if not then please ignore this ask :)

Can I request a scenario where the tot men forget their s/o birthday due to being busy with work? Maybe angst to fluff? It was my birthday today and no one besides my mom and sister remembered so I'm a bit down

Love your writing and keep up the great work :D

tot boys and forgetting your birthday

characters: artem wing, marius von hagen a/n: this is soooo late, but if you’re reading this, i hope that looking back, you still enjoyed ur birthday <3 super belated birthday from me, anon

ARTEM WING

you absentmindedly press the power button on your phone, once again checking for notifications. you’re greeted by celestine’s name, followed by kiki’s, then captain morgan’s rather short but nonetheless, meaningful, message. even kanon’s message appeared not too long ago. “happy birthday to the best legal consultant!” his happy message reads.

despite all the cheerful messages that have popped up anywhere between 12:00AM last night to a few hours ago, you can’t bring yourself to check the message, or even clear them out of your notifications. the stinging ache of the fact that artem had forgotten. 

you swipe up, unlock your phone, and give him a call. it’s 6:00, he should be on his way home since most of your cases are already or almost are on the process of being cleared up. “mc? i’m on my way home, love.” he’s smiling at you, not a single sign of guilt or anger or anything that might make you think it was deliberate. you think that your birthday just slipping his head might actually be worse.

it’s silent for a while, and when he looks at you, his heart feels a pang at your crumbling face. “mc? what’s wrong?”

“do you know why i had a day off today? or did you forget that too?”

silence. 

the calm. 

then followed the storm.

“i am so sorry. i’m on my way home. i’ll take you out tonight, alright? i’m so sorry, mc. a client called and i’ve been driving back and forth from the firm to wherever and-, i am so sorry.”

you nod because you’re not sure he'll even understand what you’d say between your teary babbling and muffled sniffles.

“i’ll be home soon. i love you, ok? and happy birthday, love.”

then followed a night of good food, good company, and heartfelt apologies.

MARIUS VON HAGEN

“marius,” you hiss under your breath, “where are you?”

“no need to sound so mad, jiejie! i’m just finishing up here, i’ll be home soon.”

“home? marius-,” you take a sharp breath, “marius, what do you mean you’ll be home soon?”

“uh...should i not drive home?”

you hang up. you’re in a dress HE got for you, sitting on a table HE reserved, and all you wanted was for him to show up. so much for “i’ll make this the perfect day”.

but if there’s one thing you know, you’re not going to let that ruin this moment. if he forgets, that doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy your day. you order and eat. because hell, nothing was going to stop you from claiming what was rightfully yours. a good fucking dinner, even if it was without your good fucking boyfriend.

you storm in your shared home, marius jumping from his seat on the couch. “are you mad?”

“check the date today, marius.”

maybe he just didn’t feel like it, or maybe it was the unbridled rage in your voice but he does as you say without any further questions. he visibly pales, “oh.”

“yeah. oh.”

“something came up, i-”

“don’t even bother marius. it’s my birthday and you’re not ruining this for me twice.”

“mc, i’m so sorry.”

“let’s talk tomorrow, yeah? good night.” you don’t wait for his response before heading up the stairs.

“good night, i love you.”

“not right now, marius.”

later that night, you’ll feel the bed behind you sinking as marius gently slips in, and if you hear a few stray “i’m sorry”s and “i love you”s, marius can just wonder why you’re in a substantially better mood in the morning.

#tot #tot x reader #Tears of Themis #tears of themis x reader #artem x reader #artem wing #tears of themis artem #zuo ran #zuo ran x reader #marius x reader #marius von hagen #tears of themis marius #lu jinghe #lu jinghe x reader

[lonesome-witching]

Kiss Me Again

The wonderful @rabbitofdeath-atcastleaarrggh has asked me to write whatever I want. And I thought this would be a great opportunity to write a sequel to It's Just a Kiss. It has been a long time coming, but finally I wrote a part 2.

You can read my previous prompts or send me some new ones.

Robin’s lips felt soft against her own. Nancy could feel Robin’s tongue slip into her mouth and moaned softly. Her hands were wrapped in Robin’s messy hair, pulling her closer and closer and even closer.

Robin’s lips traveled down toward Nancy’s neck, sucking softly right on her pulse point. Nancy’s moans got louder now that her mouth was free. It felt so good. Nancy wanted to have Robin everywhere. Robin’s lips and her hands and God, everything.

Nancy jumped up from her bed. As if her covers and her mattress had burned her. They might as well have. This was the third time this week Nancy had dreamed of Robin and more specifically Robin’s lips. It was becoming a problem.

Ever since that first, and only kiss, they shared, Nancy had been unable to think about anything else. She had come to the conclusion that Robin must be some kind of witch. She had placed a love spell on Nancy with that kiss. Not that she was in love. Of course not.

Nancy closed her eyes and groaned. She needed to find a solution for this. There were two options. She should either kiss a guy and hope it would have a similar effect or she could kiss Robin again and hope the effect would wear off. Repetition made things boring. It seemed fair enough.

The drive to Family Video would only take her a few minutes and then she could ask Robin to come over after work. She could just call but she thought Robin might prefer a face-to-face conversation.

And maybe Nancy did too, but that wasn’t the point. The plan may not be perfect, but it was the only plan she got. So, she was rolling with it. Now all she had to figure out was what to wear.

---

Robin was holding a stack of video tapes. Her mind was reeling. Ever since her first kiss, she couldn’t think about anything else. Anything but kissing girls. Maybe even specifically Nancy. But that was just because Nancy was the only girl she had ever kissed. Right?

“Okay, Rob, something is up, and you have to tell me what it is,” Steve said, startling Robin into nearly dropping the tapes.

“Nothing is up. Everything is fine. I am fine.”

“That doesn’t sound like you are fine, Robin.”

“Nancy kissed me.” It slipped out. It was bound to slip out at some point. It had been bubbling up for days. “Just as a friend. I told her I hadn’t had my first kiss. And then she just offered to kiss me. But now I keep thinking about it, which is stupid because friends kiss, right?”

“I don’t even know what to say right now. Nancy kissed you?”

Robin stuttered over a possible reply. But before she could say anything meaningful, the bell above the door rang. Saved by the bell.

But when Robin looked up at the new costumer, she came face-to-face with Nancy Wheeler and Robin’s mouth went dry. What was she supposed to do? What was she supposed to say? Why was Steve looking at her with that smug smile?

“Hi, Nance. Are you here to rent or return?”

“Neither. I was hoping I could talk to you about… something.”

“Oh sure, yeah, of course. Steve, can you handle the store for a minute?”

“Of course, have fun.” Steve winked at her.

“Okay well, Nancy, follow me.” Robin led them into the storage room in the back. “So, what’s going on?”

“It’s about the kiss.”

“Shit, you regret it. I’m sorry. We can totally pretend it never happened,” Robin rambled, her worries flooding out of her lips. She may have imagined doing again. But she’d quench those desires. The last thing she wanted was to make Nancy feel uncomfortable. Or worse, to lose her.

“No, no!” Nancy was waving her hands in front of her face. “I think… I need you to kiss me again.”

“What?”

“I— please,” Nancy was begging. Robin took a step forward, hesitantly. “Please, Robin.”

Robin leaned forward, pressing her lips against Nancy’s. It felt heavenly. She was dictating the pace, taking control. She kept it slow and sweet and soft.

But Nancy’s hands tangled into her hair and pulled. Just a little. It felt nice and it made Robin feel hot all over. Her mouth fell open, Nancy’s tongue quickly pushing its way in.

“Rob— Robin, touch me.”

“What?”

“Put your hands on me.” Nancy grabbed one of Robin’s hands and placed it on her waist. “Touch me.”

Robin felt like she was drowning in everything Nancy. She loved the feeling. She wished she could drown in Nancy forever.

Her hand slipped and landed on Nancy’s butt. She wanted to apologize, but Nancy moaned softly into her mouth and any word she had wanted to say had gotten lost.

---

Nancy fell onto her bed. She kept thinking of Robin’s hands on her. The plan wasn’t working. But she just had to push through. The more often they kissed, the less she would think about the girl. That was the reasoning to inviting Robin over.

They could spend all night kissing and making out and by morning Nancy would be cured. It was that easy. It had to be.

“So, what do you want to do?” Robin’s fingers trailed a path over Nancy’s desk and her mind went blank. “We can watch a movie. Or— Or listen to some music or something.”

“I had something else in mind.”

“Oh?”

“Come here.”

Robin obeyed. She always obeyed.

Nancy tangled her hand into the fabric of Robin’s shirt and pulled her down, quickly connecting her lips.

“Nance,” Robin breathed against Nancy’s lips. “Nance, stop.” And finally, the spell was broken.

Nancy let go. Her heart screaming to hold on was not enough to disobey her mind.

“We can’t— God, I can’t do this anymore.” Robin threw her head back. It looked like she was pained to say it, like it hurt for her to pull away.

“Why— Why not?” Nancy’s heart was beating heavily in her chest. She was scared. Scared that she would never feel Robin’s kiss again.

“Because this— Nance, don’t you see what you are doing? This is too close to something real and I can’t— It either needs to be real or it needs to stop. I’m— I have feelings for you. And every single time you kiss me it makes my heart hope for something more, it makes my mind dream of a future with you. And every time you pull away it hurts because reality sinks in and I can’t have that future. I— We need to stop.”

Nancy couldn’t stop. Her heart was breaking, and she felt tears in her eyes. “What if it is real to me? What if I want more too?” The words slipped out before she could think them through, but as she did, she realized they weren’t a lie.

“What?”

Nancy got up from the bed. “What if I have feelings for you too? What if I’m just hiding behind these sloppy make out sessions because I’ve never felt like this before? Because nothing in my life has ever felt this… This real!”

“Nance…”

“Robin, I like you. And you make me feel things I’ve never felt before. I don’t want to hurt you. That’s the last thing I want to do, but… I can’t stop wanting you.”

“Kiss me,” Robin whispered.

“What?”

“Kiss me again.”

And who was Nancy to refuse such a request?

#prompts #ronance #nancy wheeler #robin buckley #my work #stranger things #fanfic #robin x nancy #nancy x robin #ronance fic

[gendercensus]

On how useful the data is for people in non-English-speaking countries

Someone put some good tags on the original promotional post so I'm going to copy-paste them here and talk about that a little bit.

#even though im not so sure about the way data about people who live their everyday life in nonEnglish speaking countries is being collected #like idk i really don't think that data collected from people who don't have to use English every day #and only have to think about some situations hypothetically bears the same weight as data collected from people who use English every day #i just think that the language we choose is based on our every day experienceand this survey doesn't really take it into consideration??? #like idk what's the point of collecting data from people who don't function in the English speaking world every day #if you are not going to consider the variables that make this experience with English different #than the experience of people living in English-speaking countries #like my answers are 99% affected by the way i interact with people online. #and honestly not even 1% by how i interact with people irl #so like idk the word queer or dyke or faggot is getting more popular for example #but what does it really mean? nothing if you don't consider the context in which the word is being used #i grew up in a country where these words carry no negative weight bc nobody uses them #so for me the word queer is neutral and positive and it's not because it's reclaimed etc #but because bad words are bad because we learn to view them as bad through our experiences as we grow up #and when i first learned this word it was in a positive context #so yeah i can identify as queer but isn't it WAY different than people who identify as queer in the UK or in the US? #so idk maybe it's a serious accusation but it feels so anglo-centric #so like yeah you can get results that say that 'queer' label is getting more popular but it's an empty result #if you don't consider the context

So yes, this survey is not a representative sample. It's a self-selecting online survey promoted mostly via social media, which means the results mainly reflect the memberships of the big social networks. That's younger people and very online people.

And yes, I only speak English proficiently, and I am incapable of running a multilingual survey for a lot of reasons beyond that, which I talk about a little bit in this other blog post.

The survey invites participants to enter their country. It is true that there are many countries where English isn't the first language or isn't an official language, and the data for those countries is probably a bit sparse for this reason and may not be useful! I allow people to enter any country, because how do I choose which countries should be removed? And if I remove those countries from the list, are people in those countries just not allowed to take part? In every country there are communities of immigrants and native speakers of languages not native to those countries.

But anyway. That's part of why I ask where people live - so that for the countries where English is the predominant language, the data might be more useful than not. Even then, for a specific country, the data is still mostly people who hang out online, on social networks where trans people tend to hang out.

so like yeah you can get results that say that 'queer' label is getting more popular but it's an empty result

But not for countries where queer is a well-known and emotionally loaded word, right? And the gender census survey results can be filtered to show only results from a specific country, so that is potentially useful or interesting or meaningful.

And for this bit:

i just think that the language we choose is based on our every day experience and this survey doesn't really take it into consideration

It is true that LGBTQ+ people's preferred language is shaped by the language they use every day, and if you don't speak English AFK in your day-to-day life you won't use those words for your identity in that specific AFK context.

However, if someone uses the internet regularly (e.g. uses queer-friendly social media every day), that is an everyday experience. If they see and understand the promotional posts and read the survey and understand the questions and have meaningful responses to input, they "function in the English speaking world" enough to be able to participate. The internet isn't a fake made-up thing, we're all speaking to each other, we're all real people having real social experiences online. In a way, the internet is like the whole world without borders, and this is a survey of the people in this giant international text-based nation who speak/type/read English. So as long as you're aware that you're looking at data from that context, it can still be useful.

[ Take the 2023 Gender Census survey here ]

#meta

[whiskeybeforesunset]

Just a Crush | Steve Harrington

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Male!Reader

Word Count: 545

Synopsis: Takes place during Steve’s “little nuggets” conversation with Nancy. Reader is romantically interested in Steve (to what degree, I’ll let you decide) and has a moment of self reflection when he hears what Steve is saying. 

Warnings: Angst, BIG self deprecation is this one fellas, period appropriate internalized homophobia, unrequited love, unhealthy pinning, Billy Joel (sorry not sorry)

Author’s Notes: I want you all to know that you are valid. Whether or not someone is interested in you romantically does not reflect your worth as a person. That being said, enjoy the angst. 

Part 2

—

The mobile home’s rickety axel caused the vehicle to jostle in a nauseating way. It certainly wasn’t the most luxurious of getaway cars, but it would have to do. In an attempt to distract yourself from the unsettling motion, you peer out the window. The trees here seem endless; the midday light filtering through them creates an ethereal glow that might be calming if not for the situation. 

“How’s it handle?” Nancy’s words bring you out of your distracted state.

“Not that bad,” Steve replies. “Considering that this is a… house.”

This moment feels private somehow. Despite the vehicle being packed full of people, it’s almost as if you shouldn’t be listening in on it. You consider putting on some headphones but then:

“It’s silly but I,” Steve stammers out. “I always had this dream that I’d have this really big family, a full brood of Harringtons.”

As Nancy laughs, you feel as though your heart is being torn out. You realize that Steve never saw you as part of his future. No matter how much the night you spent together meant to you, for him it was just another ‘date’ to cope with the loss of Nancy, albeit a slightly more experimental one. 

God how stupid were you to think Steve Fucking Harrigton of all people would ‘come around.’ It’s not as though you’re entirely incapable of understanding why he feels the way he feels. Nancy is beautiful, intelligent, ambitious, funny: the perfect woman. And you, well, you aren’t even a woman. You could never give him the life he wants. You can’t give him a family, or get married, or hell, even hold hands in public with him.

But god, you would kill for him to look at you the way he looks at her. Like you’re the solution to all his problems, the missing piece that would make him complete. To be the first person he reaches to protect when there’s a sign of danger. But you’re not that person, and you never will be. 

“Hey, you alright?” Robin’s voice brings you back to reality.

“Yeah, I um-” you clear your throat, not realizing how watery your eyes had become. “Just zoned out there for a minute, nothing to worry about. No Vecna, I promise.” You reassure her with a tight lipped smile.

“Ok, well,” she glances towards Steve before meeting your eyes again. “If you ever need to talk… about anything, I am here.”

You’re pretty sure Robin knows, maybe not the full extent of the issue since you’ve never told her about it out of respect to Steve, but she knows. 

“Thanks, Robin.” You say as you look back at Steve once more. Him and Nancy are sharing a meaningful look. 

“That sounds nice,” Nancy nearly whispers. 

You sigh, deciding you’ve tortured your self enough, you slide your headphones over your head and close your eyes. As All For Leyna by Billy Joel plays, you can’t help but think how ridiculous it is that you're getting ready for an apocalyptic event and all you can seem to worry about is that the boy you have a crush on doesn’t like you back. Because that’s all it is right? A crush?

Yeah. You silently confirm to yourself.

Just a crush. 

#Steve Harrington #Steve Harrington X Reader #Steve Harrington X You #Steve Harrington X M!Reader #Steve Harrington X Male!Reader #Steve Harrington fic #Steve Harrington FanFic #Stranger Things Fanfic #Steve Harrington Fan Fiction #Steve Harrington Angst #Stranger Things Fan Fiction #Stranger Things Angst #Angst #Just a Crush #Male!Reader #M!Reader #M!Reader fic #Male!Reader fic