#like therapy is an incredibly powerful and useful tool and working with a good therapist is truly lifechanging. but its not a silver bullet

[bitchthefuck1]

One little detail that I really love about Succession is the fact that it's explicitly confirmed in the show that Kendall, Shiv, and Roman have all been to therapy—and yet they've clearly still never actually processed or confronted the trauma and dysfunction in their lives.

They all acknowledge that on some level they need help and that what's happened to them isn't okay, but they're so deeply invested in the power structures that hurt them that no amount of talking will actually change anything. They can't really confront the reality of their father and what happened to them, because that would mean rejecting the myths they've been raised on and profit off of, and none of them are willing to do that. So the cycle keeps going.

#like therapy is an incredibly powerful and useful tool and working with a good therapist is truly lifechanging. but its not a silver bullet #and it takes a lot of work on your part and a willingness to dig in and confront a lot of very ugly and difficult things about your life an #who you are and the stories you've been told or told yourself about both of those things and its really easy to talk for ages and accomplis #nothing (especially if your therapist isn't willing or able to challenge you and really confront you about things) #like so often the response to this kind of stuff is just 'well they should go to therapy' and like. that's not the quick fix you think it i #idk this detail just really stood out to me and i appreciate it so much bc like while my current therapist is great ive had some in the pas #who were very 'feel good yes man' and like. maybe that's what some people need. but i needed someone to call me on my shit and actually #fight me on some stuff because that was the only way I was ever going to really be able to grow #and its so clear that none of the roys (at this point in their stories) are willing or able to do that. so therapy can't help. #anyways this season is amazing and im dying #succession #succession season 4 #shiv roy #roman roy #kendall roy #logan roy

[annasellheim]

This is literally the best book I have ever read.

I feel like this is the first big success in the newest generation of mental health graphic medicine. The first Gen started in the 60s, with cartoonists acknowledging their mental health struggles AT ALL, even tho it was often done as humor (esp w when done by male cartoonists- men often use humor to cope with trauma they have experienced or to mask the extent of the damage it caused them). The second wave was more of a combo of an expansion of the discussion of mental health in comics, the rise of #relatable mental illness comics (one my articles on SOLRAD discusses these in depth), and also the healthy ways people find to deal with their mental health- the most powerful tools being therapy, meds, and self care techniques like meditation. The newest, and incredibly important wave of mental health comics show how medical professionals and health care systems have failed their patients

This book is extraordinary for a few reasons:

1) it educates the reader and beautifully illustrates #dissociativeidentitydisorder .

2) it seamlessly weaves in experiencing DID with being trans and the importance of gender affirming care.

3) it shows the damage a terrible therapist can inflict, but also gives the first therapist in the book a bit of grace- he desperately tried to get the author to see another doctor bc he was out of his depth and was worried about hurting her. He ends up hurting her but realizes some (but not all) of the bs he puts her through and feels remorse.

4) it shows how healing good medical care can be when you see the author with her second therapist. I think a lot of ppl know therapy is important but don’t know that not all of therapists (and doctors in general) are equal. This stops people from finding a good therapist and figuring out how to make the most of their sessions.

5) the notes at the end of this book are fabulous! The notes on the author’s process on actually writing this book will not only influence how I create future work, but what I will be teaching at the Refugee Youth Project.

[evolv28]

Wearable Devices: Your Pocket-Sized Ally Against Anxiety

Anxiety disorders are among the most common mental health concerns worldwide. While traditional treatments like therapy and medication can be incredibly effective, technology is playing an increasingly significant role in the fight against anxiety. Wearable devices are emerging as potent tools, providing an innovative and discreet method for managing anxiety symptoms throughout your day.

Types of Anxiety Relief Devices

Anxiety relief devices fall into several key categories, each utilizing a different approach to calm the mind and body:

Biofeedback Devices

How they work: Biofeedback devices track your body's physiological responses to stress, such as heart rate variability (HRV), breathing patterns, skin temperature, or muscle tension. These devices usually take the form of wristbands, chest straps, or even rings.

The benefits: Biofeedback devices bring awareness to the connection between your physical state and anxiety. They act as a mirror, providing real-time feedback. This empowers you to learn stress-reduction techniques like deep breathing, mindfulness, and progressive muscle relaxation. Many devices offer guided exercises through a connected smartphone app.

Haptic Feedback Devices

How they work: These devices use the power of touch – they deliver gentle vibrations, pulses, or rhythmic patterns to soothe the nervous system. They often resemble wristbands or can be held in the hand.

The benefits: Haptic feedback devices work by creating a sense of grounding and offering a calming distraction from anxious thoughts. Some devices use rhythmic patterns designed to entrain your breathing, leading to relaxation. The physical sensations can help interrupt cycles of worry and panic.

Neurostimulation Devices

How they work: These devices use various forms of non-invasive brain stimulation. Some use low-level electrical currents, while others, as we explored earlier, utilize magnetic pulses (TMS). These devices might be worn as headbands or earpieces.

The benefits: Neurostimulation devices aim to directly influence brain activity in regions associated with mood, focus, and stress response. Research suggests they may have the potential to reduce anxiety symptoms, improve sleep, and aid in relaxation.

Choosing the Right Wearable Device for Your Needs

Selecting the most suitable wearable for your anxiety depends on several factors:

Severity of Your Anxiety: For mild anxiety, biofeedback or haptic feedback devices might be a good starting point. Those with more severe or chronic anxiety might want to explore neurostimulation options under professional guidance.

Preferred Approach: Consider the methods that resonate with you. If you're interested in learning relaxation techniques, biofeedback would be ideal. If you prefer a more passive approach, haptic feedback might be more suitable.

Budget: Wearable tech prices vary considerably. Biofeedback devices tend to be more affordable, while neurostimulation ones often come with a higher cost.

Research: It's crucial to research specific devices and their features. Read reviews, consider the scientific evidence supporting the device's technology, and explore user testimonials.

The Benefits of Using Wearables for Anxiety

Accessibility: Wearables offer on-demand anxiety management wherever you are. They can be used discreetly at work, school, or in social situations.

Empowerment: By providing real-time data or direct intervention during anxiety episodes, these devices can give you a sense of control over your symptoms.

Complementary Treatment: Wearables are not designed to replace traditional therapies but can be an excellent addition, enhancing progress made with a therapist or in conjunction with medication.

Data-Driven Insights: Biofeedback devices track your progress over time, helping you identify triggers, learn what techniques work best, and maintain motivation.

Important Considerations

Professional Guidance: Always consult a doctor or mental health professional before using a wearable device for anxiety, especially if you have underlying health conditions.

Research is Ongoing: Wearable technology in mental health is still relatively new. More studies are needed to fully understand the long-term benefits and potential risks.

Not a Cure-All: It's important to have realistic expectations. Wearables are tools, not magic solutions. Combining them with healthy lifestyle changes and ongoing professional care is vital for long-term success.

The Future of Wearable device for Anxiety

The landscape of anxiety wearables is evolving rapidly. We can expect more integration of AI for personalized support, combinations of multiple technologies, and a wider range of applications to target a broader spectrum of mental health challenges. As technology advances, Wearable device for Anxiety have the potential to transform the way we approach and manage anxiety, offering greater accessibility, convenience, and a sense of empowerment to those seeking relief.

#wearable device for anxiety #evolv28 wearables #Anxiety relief devices

[totall21]

Nurturing the Nervous System with Massage

In the fast-paced world we live in, stress has become a constant companion for many. Our nervous systems often bear the brunt of this daily stress, leading to various physical and emotional ailments. However, there's hope for those looking to find balance and relief. Massage therapy, with its soothing touch and profound ability to relax the nervous system, offers a sanctuary of healing in our hectic lives. In this article, we will delve into the incredible capacity of massage to nurture the nervous system, unraveling the intricate connection between touch, relaxation, and overall well-being.평택출장안마

The Role of the Nervous System

Before we explore the nurturing aspects of massage, it's essential to understand the role of the nervous system in our bodies. The nervous system is divided into two main components: the central nervous system (CNS) and the peripheral nervous system (PNS).

Central Nervous System (CNS): This includes the brain and spinal cord. It serves as the control center for the entire body, processing information and sending out instructions.

Peripheral Nervous System (PNS): The PNS extends from the CNS to the rest of the body. It relays information between the CNS and the limbs, organs, and tissues, allowing the body to respond to external and internal stimuli.

The nervous system is responsible for various functions, including regulating heart rate, digestion, muscle movement, and the body's stress response. It plays a pivotal role in maintaining homeostasis, the body's state of equilibrium.

Stress and the Nervous System

In the modern world, stressors are abundant and diverse. Whether it's the pressure of work, financial concerns, or the demands of a busy lifestyle, the nervous system can be subjected to chronic stress. This continuous activation of the stress response can lead to a range of physical and emotional issues, including:

Increased Heart Rate: Chronic stress can lead to elevated heart rates, putting additional strain on the cardiovascular system.평택출장마사지

Digestive Problems: Stress can disrupt the digestive process, leading to issues such as irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and indigestion.

Muscle Tension: The muscles tend to remain in a state of tension, which can result in stiffness, pain, and reduced flexibility.

Anxiety and Depression: The nervous system's constant activation can contribute to heightened anxiety and may play a role in the development of depression.

Immune System Weakening: Chronic stress can weaken the immune system, making the body more susceptible to illness.

The Healing Touch of Massage

Massage therapy serves as a profound antidote to the challenges posed by chronic stress and its impact on the nervous system. The tactile nature of massage and the therapeutic touch provided by skilled therapists offer a range of benefits:

Stress Reduction: Massage has been shown to reduce the levels of stress hormones in the body, leading to a sense of relaxation and calm.

Muscle Relaxation: The gentle manipulation of muscle tissues in massage helps release tension, reducing physical discomfort and promoting flexibility.

Improved Sleep: Many individuals experience improved sleep quality after a massage, as it helps to calm the nervous system and promote restfulness.

Enhanced Circulation: Massage increases blood flow, benefiting the body by delivering oxygen and nutrients to cells and aiding in the removal of waste products.

Emotional Well-Being: The soothing touch of massage can boost the production of feel-good hormones like serotonin and endorphins, helping to alleviate anxiety and depression.

Immune Support: Massage may strengthen the immune system by reducing stress-related immune suppression.

Pain Management: Massage is often used to manage pain, making it a valuable tool for individuals suffering from chronic pain conditions.

The Power of Touch on the Nervous System

The act of touch itself has a profound impact on the nervous system. When our skin is touched, a cascade of neural responses is triggered. This includes the release of oxytocin, a hormone often referred to as the "love hormone" or "cuddle hormone." Oxytocin is associated with bonding, trust, and reduced stress levels. This hormonal response to touch is one of the reasons massage therapy is so effective at nurturing the nervous system.

Types of Massage for Nurturing the Nervous System

Various types of massage can be beneficial for nurturing the nervous system, promoting relaxation, and reducing stress. Here are some popular choices:

Swedish Massage: This classic massage technique utilizes long, flowing strokes to relax the body and mind, making it an excellent choice for overall relaxation.

Aromatherapy Massage: Incorporating essential oils into the massage session adds an extra dimension of relaxation and emotional well-being.

Hot Stone Massage: The warmth of heated stones helps to ease tension and promote a deep sense of relaxation.

Shiatsu Massage: This Japanese technique involves acupressure and stretching to improve energy flow and relaxation.

Reflexology: Focusing on the pressure points in the feet, reflexology can promote relaxation and balance in the entire body.

Craniosacral Therapy: A gentle, hands-on approach that seeks to balance the cerebrospinal fluid and promote overall relaxation.

Deep Tissue Massage: While it addresses deep muscular tension, deep tissue massage can also be effective in promoting relaxation when performed skillfully.

Lymphatic Drainage Massage: This gentle technique focuses on lymphatic circulation, promoting detoxification and relaxation.

Making Massage a Regular Practice

To truly nurture the nervous system and reap the long-term benefits of massage, making it a regular practice is essential. Regular massage sessions can help maintain a state of relaxation, reduce the impact of chronic stress, and support overall well-being. The frequency of massage sessions can vary depending on individual needs and goals, but even scheduling a monthly massage can make a significant difference in nurturing the nervous system.

Conclusion

In a world marked by constant stress and demands, nurturing the nervous system is crucial for maintaining overall well-being. Massage therapy, with its healing touch, offers a sanctuary of relaxation and restoration. By reducing stress, promoting muscle relaxation, and triggering the release of feel-good hormones, massage is a powerful tool for achieving a balanced and nurtured nervous system. Whether you choose a classic Swedish massage, the warmth of hot stones, or the targeted approach of deep tissue massage, the benefits of massage for the nervous system are boundless. So, consider making massage a regular part of your self-care routine and allow the healing touch to work its magic on your nervous system and your overall well-being.

[starlillyanne]

Research

This article is just talking about how our therapy can help patients with mental struggles, especially after the pandemic.  How we as a community have struggled to be near people or being in our studios. Also saying how artists are kind of messed up by the pandemic because they struggle with creativity because some people feed off of other people's creativity and bounce ideas off but since we had to be alone during the pandemic it was hard for us to even bounce creativity of so we work with art therapist so that we can maybe bring some more art back into our world.

This article briefly discusses the relationship between art and mental health. Art can be defined as any means for the expression of individual and social values through concrete and artistic activities and processes. It also says that art can be in many different forms like music painting drawing creating and everything in between. The positive impact that art has on our psyche gives us different techniques and how to use it. It's all article also discusses how the Art and Psyche Festival was to develop an artistic visual exhibition on the campus of a psychiatric hospital to invite every citizen to come to and experience its environment with the aim of challenging some traditional stigmatized beliefs about mental illness and psychiatric hospitals.

The article just explains the benefits and the effects of creating art for yourself. How it can make you happy, less stressed, and less depressed.  Art has an incredible way of connecting the world and allowing us to express ourselves, because of these feel-good effects, art is a powerful tool for self-care and mental health. How art can be a form of self-care. Mindful art, people can simply start creating or choose a piece of art as inspiration for their own creation. Block out the other thoughts and distractions in your life and give yourself a set amount of time to make art or enjoy it.

This article just explains how it is mindful to go and create when there are also depictions of what it is like to try to reach out to a loved one living with depression, and what it is like to feel like you’ve failed. It was an intense exhibit, yet there was still an air of hope in each piece. By telling a narrative through art, perhaps the artists hope that their audiences will take their work as a motivating story. There are some of the people we encounter every day are living in silence, often without a support network or access to adequate resources and treatment.

This article discusses how participating in the arts can enable people to deal with a wide range of mental-ill conditions and emotional distress. Art has also been linked to improved memory, reasoning, and resilience in aging adults. Studies have shown that expression through art can help people with depression, anxiety, and stress. We often catch ourselves slowing down, being more patient, Art helps us in slowing down our mind, get out of other distractions, and focus more on the work.  This slowing down process creates a sense of calmness in one and also connects with oneself more, provides a grounding, and less anxious.

[laurensliminalspace]

My experience with Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy and further thoughts on healing trauma

I’ve been reflecting recently on the difference between dealing with more acute PTSD and more long term trauma, as it seems to me that often they are quite different. Of course, there can be some overlap. 

In my experience, traumatic memories from childhood sometimes stayed in hibernation, till much later in life when they sprung into my consciousness in a visceral, overwhelming flashback. It’s not that I had forgotten the specific event or completely blocked it out. I could consciously recall it and talk about it previously (and often had done so with various therapists/bodyworkers) - it’s just that it didn’t have the intense traumatic emotions attached, until my bodymind was ready to feel it fully. 

Actually, sometimes I didn’t feel ready at all, but I guess on some level I must have been - or it would not have come to the surface.

My experience so far has been that deep bodywork and somatic therapy seems to be very good for dealing with long-held grief and trauma. In some cases it is not just grief and trauma from our own lives, but those of previous generations. Some reputable modalities in this field include somatic experiencing, hakomi, somatic practice, sensorimotor psychotherapy, deep brain reorienting, and more.  

However, my experience was also that when I experienced acute trauma flashbacks, sometimes I needed other tools. I found EFT tapping one of the most powerful, especially as I could easily use it on my own and with good friends. I liked that it felt so empowering, and I didn’t always need to do it with a therapist or practitioner. I know many also benefit from EMDR and brainspotting, though I have less experience with them. 

Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy has been one of the most life changing modalities for me, as it taught me for the first time what true embodiment really felt like. I feel like it was really foundational for me, before I was able to successfully engage in other modalities and therapies. 

Up until that point I had tried various techniques, but I didn’t really “get it” fully. My BCST practitioner was able to tune into me so well that she knew when I was connected to certain parts of my body, and when I was not. She knew when to push me to tune in more deeply - especially to my gut area, as I didn’t even realise I was that disconnected from it. 

She challenged me to deeper and deeper levels of embodiment and connectedness that I never knew was possible. At times it was incredibly blissful too, like lying in a pool of water, or resting in a womb. It is rare to experience such a deeply embodied, wholistic sense of bliss, so it was remarkable and profound.

My BCST practitioner also challenged me to be present with my pain. Not just emotional pain, mind you, but actual physical pain coursing through my body. At times it was very, very hard to stay with it, but I’m glad I did. I noticed during my sessions, I would often have random, past spontaneous memories pop into mind. Frequently they were not even bad or dramatic memories. Just random events or places I hadn’t thought about in months or even years. 

Another thing I noticed was that sometimes after the sessions, I would have intensely emotional trauma-fuelled nightmares. I didn’t know how to handle these at first, as sometimes they happened more than one night in a row. I decided to use EFT tapping, and tap on them as if the dreams were a real memory. I treated them like a trauma flashback, even if they were not actual events, but rather a conglomeration of past events and feelings. This worked very well, and once I figured this out, the dreams would stop and I felt better. 

It seems to me that in order to fully heal and resolve our trauma, we need a number of different tools and modalities to work with. There are so many different layers and dimensions of consciousness, that I don’t think it can be encompassed in any one tool or technique or modality. No one has all the answers! We also have unique minds and bodies, so what works well for one, may not for another.

I often found that what worked well at one stage of my journey did not work so well at a later stage, and vice versa. This can take a great deal of patience and experimentation, as well as learning to tune into your gut and intuition. It really is the journey of a lifetime, and we never really finish or “arrive”. I do feel like I’ve reached a point where I am more healed than broken overall, yet I know there is always something new to learn. 

#trauma #healingtrauma #ptsd #healingptsd #embodiment #craniosacraltherapy #craniosacral #biodynamic #healing #innerhealing #somatic #somatictherapy #bodywork

[affinity-therapy]

Affinity Therapy

What Is Affinity Therapy?

Imagine this: what if you could find the root cause of addiction? What if there was a way to target the specific issues that led to drug and alcohol abuse in the first place?

This is the power of affinity therapy. Affinity therapy is a process that uses targeted questions to identify the root cause of addiction. It's based on the idea that every person is unique, and that no two addictions are exactly alike.

Affinity therapy is tailored specifically to each individual, and it can be used in conjunction with other forms of treatment, such as counseling or medication. By identifying the root cause of addiction, therapists can help patients overcome their addiction and learn how to live a sober life.

How Can Affinity Therapy Help Those Struggling With Addiction?

When it comes to addiction rehabilitation, affinity therapy can be an incredibly powerful tool. Affinity therapy is all about forging relationships with others who share our same interests.

By creating a support group of people who understand what we're going through, we can start to build trust and open up about our feelings. This type of therapy can help us feel less alone in our struggles and make us more likely to seek help.

Affinity therapy can also be a great way to learn more about ourselves and how we interact with the world. By understanding our own motivations and desires, we can work on building healthier relationships with others.

What Are Some of the Benefits of Affinity Therapy?

When it comes to addiction rehabilitation, there's no one-size-fits-all approach. That's why affinity therapy is so powerful.

Affinity therapy is all about building relationships. It's about creating a sense of community in a rehab setting, where everyone is working together to support each other. This can be incredibly beneficial for those who are struggling with addiction.

Some of the benefits of affinity therapy include:

reduced stress

improved communication skills

strengthened relationships

a sense of belonging and community

What Are Some of the Challenges of Affinity Therapy?

One of the challenges of affinity therapy is that it can be difficult to find a common ground with the patient. It's not always easy to find something that you have in common with someone who is dealing with addiction.

But that's where the therapist's skills come in. It's their job to build a rapport with the patient and help them feel comfortable opening up. Once that connection is established, the therapist can start to address the issues that are causing the addiction.

It's a challenging but ultimately rewarding process, and one that can make a real difference in the lives of patients and their families.

Conclusion

We hope this has given you a good overview of the power of Affinity Therapy in addiction rehabilitation. If you're looking for a rehab center that is equipped to provide the most beneficial treatment for your loved one, we urge you to contact us today. We would be more than happy to discuss our program in more detail and answer any questions you may have.

My Map: https://goo.gl/maps/CjzdxkrQDxX1omcM7

Learn More: Serene Suboxone Clinic Poughkeepsie, NY

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

So I (finally!) bought a pair of really good noise cancelling headphones, and it has changed my life! It's the fanciest thing I've bought in years, so to recoup some of the cost, I’ve researched & written a little essay based on my experiences with extreme noise sensitivity.

Hypersensitivity to sound is something I’ve dealt with all of my life, but I only recently found out it's medically known a Hyperacusis. (Please note this is a separate condition from Misophonia.) If you consistently struggle to cope with noise, the info below could be helpful! I’m including a link to my ko-fi, and I will be answering questions in the notes.

(skip to the bottom to read fun facts about my tax return and/or street organs vendettas!)

DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional, this is based solely on my experiences as a patient, and on what I have read and been told by professionals. Please notify me if you have corrections or concerns about accuracy!

BACKGROUND: Sensitivity to sound is a common type of sensory issue. While anyone can experience such issues (most people, for example, might be bothered by loud music in a crowded restaurant), some people are more sensitive than others, to the point it becomes a quality-of-life aka a medical issue.

If you consistently struggle with environmental stimuli that other people aren’t bothered by (background noises, bright lights, certain textures and tastes, etc), to the point it causes daily discomfort or limits the environments you can be in, I recommend reading about Sensory Processing Disorder.

SPD and sound sensitivity are both super common in autistic folks (like me!), but allistic (non-autistic) people can experience them too. Weep, ye prisoners of mortal coil, for none are safe, nothing sacred, not in this thy most accursed tomb of human flesh!

Anyway.

SOUND SENSITIVITY or HYPERACUSIS: Noise issues are particularly difficult to navigate in a world that is increasingly...noisy. The relatively new phenomenon of constant overhead music in restaurants, grocery stores, shopping malls etc—all of this means that public spaces are increasingly inaccessible to people with auditory issues.*

As a kid, nothing quite triggered sensory overload/meltdowns for me like the constant exposure to noise I couldn’t control—the background chatter of other kids in the lunchroom, the constant noise in public spaces, being trapped in the car with the radio on.... I had so many fights with my siblings about the car radio, and who got to choose the music.**

But it’s not just loud sounds that are the problem. As an adult who lives alone and works from home***, I’m lucky enough to be able to avoid loud environments most of the time. This does wonders for my general levels of anxiety and discomfort. But even in a mostly controlled environment, I still experience problems. Because part of sound sensitivity is that even normal or quiet sounds can feel loud and intrusive. Here are some “normal” sounds that can cause me discomfort (ranging from annoyance to outright pain, depending on the day):

refrigerator/AC/ceiling lights humming

dishwasher/washing machine noises

ceiling fan making that damn ceiling fan noise

faint sounds of traffic

riding in a car

other people having a normal conversation in the background

someone talking to me in a perfectly normal inside voice

Unfortunately, even in a “controlled” environment, many triggering noises can’t be controlled. And many parts of life can’t be lived in a controlled environment. This presents...some incredibly freaking annoying problems. Luckily there are solutions!

Sorta.

There are sorta some solutions.

They are imperfect, but they help.

TREATMENT: And now I have something rather shame-faced to admit. In all the years of managing my symptoms, it never once occurred to me to see a hearing specialist for my issues with sound. I wasn’t even aware that treatment options exist, because none of my other doctors mentioned it. Instead, I’ve spent years finding my own coping mechanisms and tools, with help from therapists and psychiatrists, but without ever consulting an audiologist/ENT. It was only while researching this post that I found out that was even an option, holy shit.

So it turns out I am going to be making an appointment with my local ENT practice. shit.

Apparently treatment options include sound/acoustic therapy, systematic desensitization/exposure therapy, cognitive behavior therapy, sound machines, and other options that I had no idea even existed, goddammit.

MANAGEMENT: In the meantime, here are my current coping mechanisms. I’ve relied rather heavily on hearing protection, which is very useful when used in moderation. Unfortunately, it can cause its own problems: it’s important not to overuse hearing protection, because in the long-term this can increase your sensitivity. So again: a useful tool, but be careful not to overdo it.

With that in mind, here are some of the coping strategies I’ve used over the last decade to manage my symptoms. This is not a perfect system and you should contact your local ENT clinic for better, long-term solutions, but in the meantime here are some tips I use to just get myself through the damn day:

Regularly spending time in a quiet controlled environment, to allow my nervous system to decompress.

Wearing earplugs, (I use two different grade, depending on the level of noise prevention I need), and always carrying an extra pair in case I need them unexpectedly. I bought a 50 pack for $7 and put spares in all my bags and jacket pockets.

(I mostly use Mack’s Ultra Soft, but there are so many types and materials and brands, including foam, silicone, wax, custom moldable etc. Even if you have trouble wearing things in your ears, you might be able to find something comfortable.)

Similarly: hearing protection earmuffs, the kind used in gun ranges and on construction sites. I bought mine online for $10. they look like normal wireless headphones, so I've never gotten comments when wearing mine in public (other than “cool heaphones” bc i added skull glitter stickers).

Sometimes I wear the earmuffs on top of earplugs, when life is just too damn LOUD.

Listening to music w/ earbuds or headphones is a great way to balance out background noises, especially if you can find soothing playlists that help you concentrate. Also useful to put in just one earbud when you need to pay attention in class/at work.

Pro tip: if your hair is long enough you can wear wireless earbuds without anyone knowing.

White noise, rain noises, ocean noises etc can be helpful! Some people like whale songs although personally this activates my primal fear response

Active noise cancelling headphones: the reason I wrote this post to begin with—I finally bought a pair! As in, a really good pair! As in, a depressingly expensive pair with noise cancelling technology that actually WORKS, holy shit. I probably need to wear them a little less at home (bc overprotection causes problems in the longterm) but they have absolutely transformed my ability to go out in public and i never ever want to take these suckers off again please take a power screwdriver and nail these to my head, bury me in the sweet sweet shroud of silence. holy canoli and cream puffs I want to marry form a civil partnership with these headphones. Plus they have a bunch of features, like being able to control the level of noise cancellation, so I can hold a conversation or be aware of some ambient noise for safety reasons.

Oh, and also they play music I guess?

Sorry sorry I promise this post wasn’t supposed to be me shilling for Big Electronics. I’m just excited, I’m an excited flabby little ball of expired flubber. ANC headphones aren’t a perfect solution, and I still sometimes wear earplugs underneath, and I will always be uncomfortable some of the time, but for me it’s been a big step.

Unfortunately the cost of good quality ANC technology means this isn’t an option for everyone, and the (much cheaper) gunshot protection earmuffs I mentioned earlier still provide an impressive amount of protection and bang-for-your buck (maybe even an equal amount of protection, if you can find ones that fit well). But if noise consistently prevents you from enjoying public space and life in general, and you’ve already tried earmuffs & earplugs and find they don’t offer enough comfort/convenience/protection, and if you’re in a position to save up for a one time non-necessity purchase of $150+, noise cancelling headphones are an option to be aware of. (Please always check the return policy so you can try before you buy. I ended up buying and returning 2 pairs before finding what worked best for me. And please look for a retailer that offers an extended warranty. You want those motherforkers to last).

There are cheaper options available, including some under $50. The ones I tried didn't work as well as my hearing protection earmuffs, but some people report good experiences, so that is something to consider. it's always good to know your options! Passive noise canceling is another affordable alternative.

Medication: A final tool in my toolbox, which for me personally has helped as much as every other method combined. Like, a lot, it’s helped a lot. It turns out some anti-anxiety medications can also help sensory issues. There’s not much research on this, and I only discovered it firsthand when a medication my doctor prescribed for anxiety ended up significantly helping my sensory issues. I no longer need medication for anxiety, but my psychiatrist still prescribes that same medication off-label for my sensory stuff. Ask your psychiatrist to research your options (they will probably have to do some digging to find relevant research, but you deserve to know all your options, even the obscure ones). Fyi, the medication I use is in the benzodiazepines class, but there are other options for those concerned about dependency or side effects.

(I'm also told anti-anxiety supplements may be helpful, though I haven't tried this yet. If you're on prescription meds, always talk to your doctor about contraindications before taking anything over-the-counter.)

So there you have it, my main coping strategies for sound sensitivity! They are not a replacement for medical treatment (except that last one which is in fact...medical treatment), but I find them helpful and I hope some of you will too! I’ve struggled for a long time, and I’m very pleased to have reached the point where I can just do things in public. Eating out in loud restaurants? I can do that now, and even enjoy it, holy shit! I can comfortably travel in cars for hours at a time, and walk around shopping malls and grocery stores with overhead music, and, and —and just exist. It is so so freeing, to feel like maybe, after everything, you are actually allowed to just exist in a world that wasn’t really designed for you.

Again, be careful not to overuse hearing protection—the goal is to allow you to be less uncomfortable and to function better, but if you find you are becoming more sensitive to noise, it is time to dial it back a notch. Or maybe consider listening to music (at a reasonable volume) to block out background noise instead.

*(This also includes people with hearing loss and related issues, btw. While that’s not my area of knowledge, I would welcome it if any of my HoH followers want to share their experiences.)

**A sign of sensory issues that parents often miss is when a child complains about music being too loud—but has no problem listening to their own music at high volume. This is because music that is already familiar to the listener (and that the listener enjoys) is much easier for the brain to process, since it knows what pattern of sounds to expect. Loud music that they get to control can be soothing for people with sound issues, especially when it blocks out background noise and sensations. This is why repetitively playing the same songs can be a helpful form of stimming.

***(working on this blog, actually. since it’s my only source of income, my 2020 income tax return literally lists my occupation as ‘Tumblr Blogger.’ Oddly, my parent didn’t feel this achievement was worth including in the holiday family newsletter.)

bonus fun fact: Charles Babbage aka “father of the computer” may have been autistic and hypersensitive to sound. He definitely had a huge problem with public noise pollution, and spent his later year waging a war on street musicians (and organ grinders in particular).

(bc like, yeah. screw organ grinders.)

Sometimes when I’m out in public and the overhead music is particularly unbearable, I’ll take a moment to look up to the sky and scream out: “HE TRIED TO WARN US! THE FATHER OF COMPUTERS TRIED TO WARN US!!! we should have listened, sweet heaven we should have listened!”

except i don’t scream it, i say it very quietly under my breath

(i have issues with noise)

so yeah that is my short essay. and here is the ko-fi goal

k ciao i gotta go pick out glitter stickers for my headphones

#actuallyautistic #not a shitpost #holy shit how did i spend 3 hours writing this what even is my blog #this blog is supposed to be blue whale anxiety and uncomfortably sexy clown jokes #what am i doing #sensory processing disorder #sensory issues #mental health #actually autistic #NOTIFY ME OF ANY TYPOS #i proofread this 5 times my eyes weep an unceasing flood of blood and regret #adhd #actuallyadhd #autism #sensory problems

[lubdubsworld]

物の哀れ ( ‘the sadness of things’.)

Characters : Alpha! Jungkook x Omega ! OC.

ABO Dynamics.

Genre : Arranged Marriage / Temporary contractual Marriage.

Warnings : Non- Con/ Extremely Dubious Consent . High functioning alcoholism. Genre related consent issues. Implied suicidal thoughts. 

Summary : A recently widowed Jungkook agrees to a contract marriage to keep his company afloat. His grief overwhelms him and it is hard to look at his new wife as anything other than an intruder .

[  Author’s Note :  物の哀れ ~ Mono no aware can be translated as ‘the sadness of things’. It comes from the words 物 (mono – thing) and 哀れ (aware – poignancy or pathos). The ‘sadness’ in question comes from an awareness of the transience of things, as taught by Zen Buddhism. When we view something exceptionally beautiful, we might feel sad because we know it won’t stay so beautiful forever – but appreciation only heightens the pleasure we take in the beautiful thing in that moment. ]

Chapter 1

 Chapter 2

I wrapped the white wool shawl tighter around my shoulders. The night was still chilly and the and smelt faintly of impending rain. Why they would plan a party outside while it rained, was beyond me.

After my little skirmish with Jungkook, I had found Namjoon quickly only to be told that we couldn’t leave for another hour at least because there was a  certain investor who wanted to meet Namjoon . The guy was running late and he had to wait for him. So here I stood, shivering lightly, all while keeping an eye on my husband as he got progressively drunk.

Namjoon’s words made me sigh a little.

“You can’t decide what someone else’s normal is, Namjoon. Especially when it comes to grief.  But the drinking is an issue. And you’re right about the therapist. I know she’s doing her best but I’m not sure if she has the right answers for him. Or even the right tools to help him.”

“I’ve been searching up on therapists who specialize with alphas. There’s one in Itaewon , his name is Kim Taehyung. I really think he could help. He’s an alpha himself.”

“That sounds good. Betas may not fully understand alpha mating bonds or what it’s like when one of them dies. Taehyung may have a better understanding of what Jungkook’s going through.” I nodded, a little hopeful. 

Therapy with the beta lady the hospital had recommended wasn’t really helping Jungkook the way it ought to.

Namjoon hesitated.

“Would you be willing to go with him? Taehyung insists a family member stay in the waiting room just in case...” he asked gently. I turned back to look at my husband, leaning on the mahogany countertop of the bar, fingers curled around a glass of whiskey.

“And I’m the one you want to consider for that? That’s ridiculous. Jungkook hates me.” Did I really have remind him of this salient fact? 

“I’ve offered to, before.  He doesn’t want me there." I sighed as Jungkook threw the drink back with ease.

“That was three months ago though. Things have changed now right?” Namjoon prodded.

I laughed, shaking my head.

“Not between us they haven’t. He’s spending more time with Mina and he isn’t throwing stuff around but he still loathes me.”

“He loathes what you represent: his own shortcomings and failures. Your father wasn’t kind in his approach and you are a reminder of all the things he can’t control.”

How fucking unfair,  I thought playing with the tiny  ring on my finger ( or should i say handcuff really? ), my wedding ring , the platinum band engraved with my husband’s name, a drop of his blood embossed into the metal. 

An archaic tradition, that carried no meaning in modern Seoul but the idea of it was still alive and well. The idea that what we had was a blood bond, imbued in our veins now.  An alpha’s connection with a beta or an alpha mate was usually quite fragile. But an alpha and omega mate bond. That was supposed to be powerful. 

Unless the alpha was still phantom bonded to a dead wife , that is. It was odd thing. Mate bonds had to be mutual to work. So there was no bond between Jungkook and I . We didn’t have any feelings for each other of course. But wearing someone’s blood on yourself changed that . it forced a bond that wasn’t there. It was ancient magic and it worked on my kind. Not on his. 

How fucking unfair because it wasn’t like I could control any of this either? 

I grimaced. I had thought of taking the ring off 

“Ouch.” I said with a smile. Namjoon waved off my self pity with an eye roll. 

“You know what I mean. Even for an Alpha, Jungkook has always held on to his pride. Losing his wife and his company all in the same week probably left him feeling incredibly helpless and your father browbeat him into this whole thing. Of course he isn’t going to be eager to share heart to heart talks with you. ”

I held my hand up. 

“I know all that Namjoon. I was there, remember? And I’m not blaming him for any of that. Trauma makes you do shitty things and I understand that . I also understand that if he was in his right mind he wouldn’t behave the way he does now. But that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t change his mind for him. If he doesn’t want to get help, I’m kind of helpless myself, you know?”

Namjoon reached out and squeezed my hand.  

“I’m just asking you this because , he does listen to you at times. I’ve noticed it. He doesn’t outwardly agree with you but he takes your opinions into consideration. And, Heejin you live with him and you’re the one who managed to convince him to start scenting Mina. ”

And God, how exhausting that had been. I had kept at it because Mina was so young and she needed her father’s scent to grow. And while i could be persistent when necessary,  I couldn’t work miracles. 

“Namjoon oppa, “ I said softly, trying to explain myself without sounding like a horrible human, “  I don’t hate Jungkook. Far from it. I want him to get the help he needs and I’m here for him. If you can convince him to go see Taehyung and he’s okay with me coming along, I won’t say no. Mina needs him and there’s nothing I would like more than for him to get better. ” i smiled a little, “ But he’s still going to have to be the one to make that choice. i can’t make it for him.” 

Namjoon nodded.

“ Fair enough. Well,  I’ll talk to him about it. We’ll set something up. Thank you for not refusing Heejinah. I know it can’t be easy for you either. 

I opened my mouth to respond but out of the corner of my eyes I caught a glimpse of someone, staring intently right at me.

 I turned sharply, eyes locking with those of Kim Yugyeom and I stiffened, stepping closer to Namjoon on instinct.  Yugyeom smirked, winking at me. 

I shuddered in disgust. 

Creep.

Namjoon followed my line of vision and swore.

“This motherfucker.” He made to move towards him. and I grabbed his arm, fingers digging into his forearm. The last thing i wanted to witness was an alpha alpha showdown in the middle of a party with me in the middle. 

“Please, no. Don’t make a scene. It’s what he wants.”

“Jungkook has the shittiest friends on the planet.” Namjoon shook his head and I couldn’t agree more. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mina’s appointment with the doctor went about as expected. She was right on time with her milestones and I sat in the waiting office for a mere twenty minutes before being called in. The doctor, an alpha named Min Yoongi gave me a small smile of recognition before flipping through the pages of her file.

“ Jungkook didn’t come along?” He asked casually, grabbing a pen and making a note of her weight and length before plotting it on the small graph. She was a little on the smaller side but she was growing well. 

“He’s busy...” i said with a shrug, “ So I still keep giving her the polyvisol supplements?” 

Yoongi nodded, “ The nurse will fill in the prescription for you. Are you sure he’s busy? He called me last night and told me he wanted to come see me?” 

I blinked. 

“He did ? “ I couldn’t quite process this. 

“He wanted to talk about how she’s doing and I told him he could come in for her appointment today.”

I imagined a world where Jungkook actually spoke to me, instead of forcing  me to navigate stormy waters on rotten plywood. Nine more months, i told myself firmly, already digging for my phone. Nine more months and I would be out of this living hell I’d gotten trapped in. 

“Can I try calling him? He’s probably forgotten. I think he might regret missing out.” I begged and Yoongi gave me a small smile, waving me off. 

“Of course you can Heejin-ah and tell him that if he wants I can drop by at the office and talk to him as well.” 

I nodded quickly , moving out to the waiting area while the nurses held Mina, soothing her before getting her ready for her shots. I tried calling him and not surprisingly he didn’t pick up. I called his office next and Jungkook’s secretary picked up the phone .

The woman hated me. 

“He’s busy.” She said curtly.” He’s specifically asked me not to bother him with stuff that isn’t important.” 

Her whiny voice grated on my ears and i bit my lips to keep the irritation in. 

“Since when does his daughter make that list, Ms Lee?” I said calmly and she hesitated. 

“He’s in a meeting right now and-”

“I’m in the hospital with his daughter. I hope you’re willing to take the heat when he finds out that you wouldn’t let me get through to him. “ I said casually. 

It was a twisted version of the truth for sure. Meant to imply that Mina was hurt in some way. But I couldn’t bring myself to regret it much. I had enough on my plate without dealing with twenty year old secretaries who fancied themselves in love with their hot boss. 

 “I... just a moment, Mrs. Jeon.” 

I loathed the name. It wasn’t mine. It was hers and I felt like a thief every time someone addressed me that way.

After two minutes, Jungkook’s  familiarly low and perpetually exhausted voice came out ,

“Hello? Heejin?” He sounded listless and his voice just a little slurred and i groaned. 

“Please tell me you aren’t drunk.” I whispered. 

“I’m not. “ He said shortly. “ What’s wrong? What happened? Is Mina alright? ”

“Did you tell Yoongi that you were going to meet him today?” 

He was quiet for a second. 

“i’ll talk to him.”

He hung up and I stared at the phone. I realized that I shouldn’t have called him in the first place. Should have asked Yoongi to call him himself. What was wrong with me? Even a few syllables exchanged with Jungkook felt like staring into an abyss . 

I moved back to the clinic , just as Mina plaintive wail filled the room. The shots were done. It took us another thirty five minutes to finish filling her prescriptions and for Yoongi to finish examining her. She was already dozing off and I wasn’t supposed to feed her for another thirty minutes so perhaps the nap would do her good.  I had just finished settling her into her Bjorn carrier  when Jungkook’s voice came from the entryway. 

“Is this the way to Dr. Min’s office?” 

I glanced back to watch him . He looked ridiculously handsome in a three piece suit, jacket thrown over his arm and hair lightly damp from the misty drizzle outside. I saw the secretary’s mouth actually drop open and stay agape as she tried to process his questions. i could see the way his beauty had rendered her entirely witless and as someone who had experienced it first hand , i could sympathize, 

But Jungkook was beginning to look annoyed from the lack of response and i decided to give the poor girl a break. 

“He’s waiting for you.” I called out and Jungkook startled. He glanced up at me and for some reason he looked surprised. He always looked surprised when he saw me. As if i was just some monster out of his worst nightmares turning up in odd places . As if he couldn’t quite believe that i did exist in his life now. Unwelcome but impossible to avoid. 

“You’re here.” He said blankly. 

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. 

“Yes, i am. I’ve been here for three months now. “ i said shortly, before i could stop myself, “ Mina’s fine.  She just had her shots. I’m going to drive home and put her down for a nap. Do you want me to come with you ?” I pointed at the clinic. 

He hesitated before shaking his head. 

It was all according to script then. Jungkook would never include me in a single thing. Even if i was smack damn in the middle of the room with nowhere else to go. 

“Alright. i’ll see you after work.” 

“We’ll have guests for dinner today. ” He said suddenly. 

I stared at him, confused.

“For dinner??”

“ Sooah’s parents.” 

Oh, God. 

Wary of the extra nurses suddenly filling the room, the little whispers and the curious glances, i kept my smile even. 

“Of course. ” I bowed a little before turning on my heel and walking away. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sooah’s parents were, for lack of a better word, selfish . 

They had lost a daughter, so of course i could understand with their need to keep their daughter’s memory alive. But the way they chose to do it was unhealthy and borderline vindictive. 

" She’s growing well.” Mrs. Kim had the same statuesque figure as her model daughter and she held her grandchild with a slightly unsure grip and Mina felt the uncertainty in her grip, breaking out into cries at once. I stayed still, my throat dry from disuse. I hadn’t said a word since they came in. 

We were seated at the table, dinner was done. 

Jungkook sat next to me, staring straight ahead while his father in law tried to engage him in conversation. 

With Jungkook, the grief came in waves. Some days, the waves were small and gentle, like the ones that lapped at your feet on the shore of a tranquil lake. on those days e went about his day as usual, spoke to his friends and signed deals.  And somedays they were big, behemoths carrying guilt and accusation, crashing over his head with a vengeance. 

On those days , he looked like he’d been run over by a two ton truck. 

Today was just one of those days and i could sense it.

The man was going on an on about some charity that Sooah had been involved in as a young girl... Could Jungkook make a contribution in her name?. Could Jungkook pay for a concert of her favorite singer in her hometown..?  Could Jungkook possibly consider contributing to opening a foundation in her name? 

I could feel the urge to scream, grow by the minute.

 Each syllable that spilled out of her father’s mouth was aggravating, the sentences began and ended with her name, over and over over again and It felt terribly like she was standing right next to me, ice cold and dead but real and relentless at the same time. He spoke of her like she was still alive and i couldn’t fathom how that was healthy. How that was going to help Jungkook move on.

 If anything it made it harder for him to move on. 

And in a moment of chilling clarity, i realized  that this is what they wanted. 

They didn’t want Jungkook to move on from her. They wanted him to be consumed by her. In the wake of that realization , i felt anger surge. 

There was just enough hurt and heartbreak and pain and grief in this room without these idiots adding to it. 

“Jungkook is tired tonight, uncle.. Perhaps we can discuss this later.” I said finally, unable to bear it any more.

The man gave me a glare.

“I wasn’t talking to you girl.” He said sharply. I frowned. 

“We’re trying to help Jungkook. “ The woman said sharply. “ Unlike you and your father we do not prey on the weak. “ 

Jungkook shifted at the phrase and I glared at her.

“He isn’t weak. “ I snapped, resisting the urge to add on a you bitch , “He’s grieving . And what he needs is space to process his grief. Not you people trying to shove your daughter into his throat with every sentence. “

“Don’t you dare talk about our daughter!” Mrs. Kim snarled and i felt a headache come on.

“I thought that was why you were here? To talk about her? Or should I say use her as an excuse to get money out of him??  What you’re doing is unfair and awful!! . Jungkook isn’t ready to talk about this and one look at his face should tell you that, if you even bothered looking at anything except his wallet.” I shouted. 

“Heejin, that’s enough.” Jungkook said hoarsely and i bit my lips. 

Of course he wasn’t going to support me even if we were on the same side. Defending him, protecting him was exhausting and it was such a thankless job. i wanted it to end. 

“I think we should call this a night. please, just leave” I said sharply, standing up and reaching for Mina. She glared at me but handed the baby over. 

“You don’t get to make that decision. My son in law is who I’m here to see. You’re just the parasite that’s attached herself to him. You sit there in my daughter’s place and you dare disrespect me this way. ” The woman snapped.

“Its still my house. “ I gritted out. “ I’m married to Jungkook whether you like it or not and so i have the right to ask you to get out of my house.” 

“Heejin, stop.” Jungkook’s voice only made me angrier. He sounded drained and empty and still these leeches wanted to suck him dry. And he was too  blind to see it. 

“I’m done with this” I stood up moving to the small pack and play that sat in the corner of the living room. i placed Mina in and watcher her eyes flutter shut gently. 

i turned back to stare at Mrs. Kim.

“i want the pair of you to leave. Get out before I call security.” 

She gaped at me. 

“you had a wedding... that doesn’t make it a fucking marriage. “ she sneered. “ Its probably not even legal until you consummate it. So go ahead, call the cops right now. You think i wouldn’t take you to court. ??!! ” 

She was spouting absolute nonsense, probably driven by her own grief  but i wasn’t feeling particularly charitable tonight. 

“Why don’t you ask your son in law that? Ask him if the marriage was consummated or not...” I smirked. 

She faltered, eyes wide and disbelieving.

“No. You’re lying ...he wouldn’t.” She turned to Jungkook who looked at me with fury in his eyes. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” He said sharply and I scoffed.

“With me? What the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with these idiots that they think they can come here and ask you to sign a fucking cheque when you’re still out here grieving for their daughter?!”

“You don’t know shit about them or her...” 

“I don’t have to. I don’t have to and i don’t care to either. All I know is that i married you and you’re my husband and whether you meant those vows or not, i did. I swore in front of my God and my family and I’m going to keep those promises. I’m going to protect you because I love your daughter . I’m going to protect you because you need to fucking live to be able to care for her. “ 

i turned to stare at his in-laws. They were staring at me, some of the fire dying out and in the span of a few minutes they somehow looked older . 

“You don’t deserve to be here.” Mr. Kim said finally, voice cracking and i exhaled. 

“And yet, here I am. And I’m not leaving. you are.” I said calmly. 

They stared at me for one more second before standing up and moving out of the dining space and into the hallways leading out. 

“We’ll call you later Jungkook-ah...” The man said before walking out of the door and slamming it shut behind him. 

The silence between us grew heavier as the seconds ticked. 

“We can’t decide how people grieve.” Jungkook said softly. 

I stared at him in disbelief. 

“You’re telling  me  that , Jungkook? Or did you forget all the times I indulged you when the only way you could grieve was apparently  by forcing yourself on me.” i snapped. 

His eyes widened , just a fraction before going blank again. 

He took a deep breath and went on. 

“They lost their daughter and they’re hurting. We can’t tell them they aren’t allowed to honor her memory...They’re clearly in pain...”

“Not more than you!” i snapped. “ You’re the one in pain here Jungkook. Your pain is so much more than theirs ..... Or may be it isn’t i don’t know.. But i do know that I can’t sit here and watch them bleed all over you when you’re cut just as deep as them.” 

“You don’t know shit about e!” He roared. “ Don’t you fucking dare talk about my grief like you can understand it...like you actually know what its like to lose the woman who had your fucking heart, because if you did you wouldn’t have agreed to this fucking marriage...you wouldn’t be here in this room with me, intruding on my grief and my pain... “

The sound of his voice made my entire body freeze in fear. I stayed perfectly still, jumping when he crossed the distance between us and grabbed my face, fingers curling around my jaw. 

“ You want to know how i wanted to grieve? I wanted to grieve in solitude!!! I wanted to grieve without some fucking stranger hovering over my shoulder like a fucking plague!”

I exhaled shakily, fingers trembling as i reached up to hold his wrist, my entire jaw throbbing with how hard his grip was. 

“It’s the price you pay for getting your company back. Jeon Jungkook. “ I choked out.” Or did you forget that marrying me is the reason you aren’t homeless on the streets “

He laughed a little yanking me closer and wrapping an arm around my waist.

“You’ve learned to talk back these days...” He muttered , “ I think I preferred the girl who hid in the nursery for the first three weeks of our wedding.” 

“I wasn’t hiding . I was avoiding you. Because your misery was contagious and i didn’t want any of it on me.” I snapped and his hold on my waist tightened. 

“Are you trying to make me angry? ” He snapped, fingers curling on my waist and I swallowed the whimper of pain that threatened. 

“Maybe i am... Maybe anything is better than watching you walk around this house like a corpse. You’re alive so I don’t see why you act like you died with her.” 

He growled at that, eyes blazing as he stepped back enough to stare into my face. 

“You’re right... I didn’t die with her. Although i wanted to...Maybe if i wasn’t such a fucking coward, i would have gone through with it.  .” He laughed and I felt my heart go ice cold at the very thought of it. 

“You didn’t die... So why don’t you get some help. There’s no shame in getting help... Taehyung...”

“I don’t need help. i need to be alone.” He snarled. “ I need to be allowed to cry and mourn my wife the way I want to but you and your father made sure that i couldn’t.”

I sighed, looking away in defeat. 

“Fucking look at me!” He snarled, hands grabbing both my arms and yanking me forward. “ Why won’t you look at me huh?  is the guilt finally catching up?” 

“No. No guilt. Just loathing and resentment.” I snapped back and he laughed again.

“Well too bad. Because you know what? You’re right. I paid for my company with my right to grieve and you...you paid for my name with your right to say no . “ 

I swallowed as he yanked me away from the table, dragging me to the couch in the side. 

“ I never refused you a thing.” I choked out, breathing ragged as he shoved me into the soft leather surface, crawling on top of me at once. “ I only said no when you were drunk out of your mind. When you thought it was okay to fuck me and call me by her name.” 

He made swift work of the buttons of my blouse and I stayed still, arms lying by my side. 

“ Are you telling me you want this ? You expect me to believe you want my hands on your body?” He sneered, fingers moving up to grip my hair. “You don’t want this and you don’t want me....Just like i don’t want you either. i’ll never want you. ” 

“You don’t want me.??.. You have a funny way of showing it..”  I scoffed , staring right into his eyes rolling my hips up into his  , greeted by the hard press of his length against my thigh.   “ And to be honest i don’t give a damn if you’re still in love with her , all I want is my name on your lips if you want to get off with me. Because I’m not just a toy you can use to replace your dead wife. I have  a name and you should remember it.  "

He growled again, fingers squeezing hard against the back of my head till my scalp felt like it was on fire.

“I hate you. “ He said clearly. “ I hate you and everything you’ve done to me.” 

“Everything I’ve done to you? Oh you mean save your life? Taek care of your baby girl like she was my own? Give you the chance to rebuild your entire career.? Turn you into multi millionaire again?  Good. Hate me. The feelings mutual. “ I snapped. “Now if you hate me so much why are you still here? Get off me.” 

“I’m not going anywhere, wife.” He sneered. “ Because like you said, I’ve paid for this.” He drawled, reaching down and squeezing between my legs. “And I’d be a pretty bad businessman if i don’t collect from my investments.” 

Before I could retort, he pulled back, just enough to grab me by the waist and flip me over on my front. I flinched when he grabbed my arms, yanking them back and trapping my wrists together in his fist at the base of my spine. My cheeks pressed into the leather couch, sticky and uncomfortable. 

i heard the sound of his zipper, the clink of his belt buckle. 

Coward. 

I shivered when he pushed my skirt up.

“Don’t enjoy this too much, yeah?” I snapped, “ You hate me remember?” 

“Easy enough to forget its you when I don’t have to look at you.” he retorted. 

He slipped one arm under my waist, lifting me up just enough for him to yank my panties down. 

“Just remember , you don’t get to blame the alcohol for this .” I sneered. “ You’re sober and clear headed and you’re hard for me. “ 

Somehow that seemed to bother him.

He stopped . 

I could feel the hesitation in his limbs. 

It made me laugh. 

“You know Jungkook, i took you for lot of things but a coward wasn’t one of them.”

“What the fuck does that mean huh? I should put you in your fucking place for how insolent you are with me... ” he pressed down on me and i gasped when I felt his chest pressing into my back, his face inches from my own. I flinched when he sank his teeth into the mating mark on my neck. 

“it means that if you’re going to do this, if you’re going to talk big about putting me in my place like the big bad alpha that you are, at least own up to the fact that you’re attracted to me. ” 

“ You forget your fucking place, omega.”  he hissed, voice sharp and furious against my ear. “ Another word out of that mouth and i won’t be responsible for what i do.” I gritted my teeth when he curled his fingers around the inside of my thigh, parting my legs and settling in between. 

He pushed into me in one strong thrust and my eyes flew open in shock. 

“Fuck.... why are you so fucking tight...” He groaned and my shoulders began to throb as he fucked into me, setting a punishing speed that left both of us panting . We were too fucking would up for it to last any longer than a few minutes and yet, i could feel pleasure swell inside me, wetness seeping out of me and onto the leather couch beneath us. 

I wondered just how fucked up this whole thing was. Just how much damage were we doing to each other?? But it was hard to care too much about it, because even if though it was a terrible way to talk things out at least he had talked. It was nothing new....nothing earth shatteringly enlightening but he had said it all out loud and that made a difference. 

“You think you can come into my life and dictate how i fucking live.” He grunted against my ear, fingers tightening on my hair. “ it pisses me off.” 

“Everyone dies, Jungkook. People die and they leave loved ones behind but Life goes on. It has to go on. You can’t just pause life to grieve. Mina needs you.” I felt my eyes begin to sting with tears, the adrenaline from the argument fading and my body threatening to go limp as he drove into me at the same punishing pace. 

He didn’t respond, fingers closing around my throat and squeezing lightly instead.

“Save your platitudes before i decide that the warmth of your body isn’t worth the grate of your voice on my ear.” He snapped and I whimpered when he stilled, spilling into me. 

He stayed pressed up against me. breathing harshly against my ear and i waited till both our breaths evened out. 

“It’s not selfish to move on Jungkook. You aren’t insulting your wife’s memory by wanting to move on.  “ I said softly. ” Someday your heart and mind will agree with me. Whether you like it or not. That’s just how pain works, Jungkook. One day it’ll pack itself up and walk out of your heart in the middle of the night. You just have to hold on till then.” 

He didn’t reply, merely drawing himself up and off me. 

Once i heard the door to his bedroom slam shut i dragged myself up , thighs shaking and sticky. I grimaced at the mess on the couch. I stared at the packet of baby wipes on the table nearby and shuddered. That just felt wrong. 

I’d just have to go grab a washcloth from the bathroom. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On that weekend, we had another dinner to attend, this time with a few investors from out of the country or so Namjoon told me. 

Although we didn’t talk about what happened and he didn’t try to touch me again, things were subtly different. 

Something had changed in the way Jungkook behaved with me. There was a little less of the usual zombie like indifference and he actually seemed to be avoiding alcohol actively. It was a welcome change. But to make up for it, Mina went into a growth spurt. Which meant ten minute naps every hours or so with wailing sobs in between. 

i was exhausted. 

So much so that Jungkook told me that he didn’t want to pick Mina up from Seokjin’s place till the next day. 

It was a little past one in the morning when I finally trudged into the apartment. Jungkook wasn’t black out drunk but he was definitely a little loose limbed, eyes just a shade more glassy than usual.

“Tonight went well. I’m thinking the guy from Macau is definitely going to consider investing.” He muttered, gripping the door frame and taking off his shoes.

I toed my own heels off, feeling upset and bereft.

“Why would you tell Jin oppa that we’ll get Mina in the morning? She’s not used to being away the whole night.” I complained, feeling jittery and nervous because the house felt so empty and strange .

I didn’t like the idea of being alone with Jungkook without the buffer of his daughter between us. The house felt foreign, the walls seemingly closer together , the space to cramped.

Jungkook dropped his keys in the bowl and tugged on his tie, watching me carefully.

“It’s too late and Jin hyung said she was already asleep. He’ll drop her off in the morning. Just relax. Would you like a drink?”

I stared at him. 

What now? 

He looked nervous and a tad worried.

 Swallowing , I shook my head, turning on my heel.  

“I’m going to bed.” I was almost at the door to the nursery when he grabbed my arm, seemingly moving faster than I could breathe.

“Wait, Heejin… “ He stopped, worrying his lip between his teeth before sighing, “I… I need to say something..” He finished and I exhaled sharply.

I tugged on my arm but he wouldn’t let go.

“Jungkook , let me go.” I said sharply. “ I’m not in the mood tonight . You aren’t drunk now and I’m running out of reasons to excuse your actions.”

His hold on my arm relaxed but he didn’t let go.

“Namjoon hyung told me about that new therapist.... Kim Taehyung?? . I don’t think it’s a good idea.” He said roughly.  

I sighed, defeated. It was expected and yet it stung. I wondered if perhaps I was just beating a dead horse at this point. But Mina deserved to have a father who loved her with all his heart and Jungkook’s heart was so filled with grief it had no place for his daughter. If there was any chance I could help change that, I would take it.

I tugged my arm away again and this time he let go.

I tried to smile encouragingly. it was hard because i was all out of comfort, my own exhaustion too overwhelming at the moment.

So I took a deep breath and reached out to lightly touch his arm. 

“Listen, no one’s asking you to make a decision tonight, Jungkook.” I tried to smile a bit more widely but it probably came out as a grimace, “ Just sleep on it and think about why you think it isn’t a good idea. Taehyung’s an alpha and he may understand you better. Think about it and you can let Namjoon know later.”

He didn’t reply, merely staring at me till I began to feel a little hot around the collar.

“Well, Good night then.” I made to turn away but he grabbed me again, this time by my wrist.

“Wait.”

Patience wearing just a little thin, I stared at him, waiting as he requested.

“I’m sorry about what I said that night. At the party last week. About you not being her mother.   I shouldn’t have said that.”

It was the first time he had apologized for anything.

It took me a second to even remember what he was talking about. 

“Alright. I’m not mad. And I understand why you said it. Its fine. And you’re right. I’m not her mother and I should be more careful. ”

He nodded and then stepped back.

“ I’m sorry. For a lot of things. ”  He bowed awkwardly and I could only stare at him, shaking my head. The apologies were somehow both welcome and abhorrent to me. 

They were the kind of apology you would offer a stranger. And that made them insincere because I wasn’t a stranger. I’d been through too much these past few months, to be treated that way. 

For now I could only accept them at face value. 

“ Its alright. Just go to bed Jungkook. And listen to Namjoon oppa . I know you don’t trust me but you should trust him. He only wants what’s best for you. ”

I sounded twenty years older than I actually was and grimaced.

"There’s one more thing. Can I... I need... “ He stopped and stared at the floor. 

I felt a huge sense of foreboding rise up at that. 

“Are you going to pull the i paid for your body card? “ I said bitterly. “ You made it very clear that i can’t say no. I don’t see why you’re bothering to-”

“You can say no.” He said softly. “ You can say no.” 

And then he looked up at with limpid doe eyes, shining with all the stars in the galaxy and I wanted to sob at the unfairness of it all. 

“ And if I say no, where will you go? To a brothel? you’ll come back smelling like another beta or omega and you can’t come near your daughter till it fades. Which is what? A week? “ 

Jungkook didn’t say anything and I felt helpless. 

“Is that why you sent her away tonight?” I demanded and he looked genuinely surprised. 

“What? No. Of course not . i just...You looked exhausted. I thought you’d like a night off. And just... I don’t want to have sex. Can you just sleep with me. I just... I don’t want to be alone tonight.” 

“What’s so special about tonight?” i rolled my eyes already moving to his bedroom instead of the nursery. 

He stared at me for a few seconds, eyes empty in the dark of the hallway. 

I waited a whole minute before sighing. This was excruciating and my heels hurt from wearing heels all evening. i wanted to curl into the air mattress on the floor of the nursery , possibly lie sleepless till dawn and then drive down to pick Mina up from Jin’s place. 

“Jungkook , let’s just go to bed and forget-” 

“Its her birthday.” 

I barely heard him, his lips barely moved and his voice was so low. 

I stared at him. Not sure if I’d misheard. 

“What?”

“Its her birthday. “ He repeated. 

“You can say her name.” i said calmly. “ You’re not betraying her by saying her name out loud in front of me.” 

He went a little stiff at that and i wanted to kick myself for the remark. What a hypocrite I was. I’d reprimanded Namjoon for trying to dictate Jungkook’s grief and here I was , doing the exact same thing. 

“I’m sorry. God, Jungkook... I’m sorry. i shouldn’t have said that.  i didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me.. I... of course you don’t have to be alone. Should i call Namjoon oppa? Or Jimin?” I asked gently. 

“It’s Sooah’s birthday.” He was still staring at the floor, apparently he hadn’t heard a word I’d said. 

I had a sudden flash of memory, remembering that Jungkook used to sing. He had sung at his wedding seven years ago. Serenaded his wife as she walked down the aisle. I had been young then but i remembered thinking how evident his love was in every syllable sung .

Something i could hear even now, in the way he said her name. 

“Okay. What would you like to do? I... I can make seaweed soup.” I said softly. “ We can go see her if you like?” 

He stared at me. 

“I want to go alone.” He said finally. 

I hesitated. 

“I’ll drive you. i’ll stay in the car. You can’t drive.” I reminded him. 

Jungkook’s driver’s license had been suspended after one too many traffic violations. I drove him around often . 

He didn’t reply, staring out of the huge bay windows and i sighed. 

“Alright... Why don’t you go change  into something more comfortable yeah? i’ll get the soup going and we, “ i bit my lips, “ , I’m sorry, And you can go see her.  “ I smiled, before moving to the kitchen and grabbing the dried seaweed. I soaked it in cold water, before getting the beef, garlic, soy sauce, salt and pepper and the sesame oil from the cupboards. 

Ten minutes later, the soup was boiling away and I peered out at the door leading to his bedroom. I was still wearing the cocktail gown and my head was beginning to throb. I oved to the nursery and stripped quickly, slipping on my white t shirt and a pair of pink corduroy shorts. 

I would be in the car anyway.  By the time i finished taking off all my make up, the soup was done and Jungkook was slumped over the counter. He looked drained, more so than usual . In fact he looked notably worse than how he was ten minutes ago. 

Torn between the urge to draw him into my arms and the helpless knowledge that he would absolutely hate me touching him , i merely hovered near the stove, pouring the stove into a small airtight container. 

On a whim I moved to the cupboard  in the corner that housed all the crockery and threw it open. 

“What was her favorite bowl?” I said casually, staring at him. 

He blinked, staring at me like i was speaking a foreign tongue. 

“Her favorite bowl , Jungkook The one she always drank or ate from?” 

He swallowed but leaned his palms down on the granite countertop, levering himself off the tall stool of the kitchen island and making his way over to me. I stepped back, giving him space to peer into the depths of the black marble shelves. 

He finally stuck a hand in and drew out a pale yellow and mauve bowl , a little worn but intact. 

He held it carefully, running his fingers gently over the bowl, savoring the surface his wife had once caressed with her own fingers. I watched as his lips curved, a pale pale imitation of a smile but a smile nonetheless and I felt my breath catch in my throat. 

This was probably the first time he’d smiled in the three months i’d known him. 

My heart began to pound, a steady staccato that began rising in volume and i willed myself to stay calm. 

“I..uh.. I can wash it for you.” I said softly .

The smile disappeared as quickly as it had come and he stared at my outstretched hand like it was a snake . 

Face almost eerily blank he cleared his throat. 

“I’ll do it.” 

i watched as he moved to wash the bowl under the spray from the faucet and finished clearing up the kitchen. i grabbed a small bag to keep the sea wood soup in and held the bag open when Jungkook finished washing the bowls. He grabbed a fresh kitchen towel and carefully wiped down the moisture before wrapping the bowl in the towel and keeping it inside the bag, carefully. 

I smiled and zipped the bag shut. 

“Lets go shall we?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I sat waiting in the car, staring out into the darkness of the parking lot, while the rain poured torrents outside the glass windows of the car. I felt unaccountably alone, like I was the only human being left on the planet. 

It had been a little past an hour since Jungkook had disappeared into the building that held his wife’s ashes. I wasn’t sure if i should give him a call. Had he fallen asleep in there. 

I told myself I would wait another hour and if he didn’t come out, I would go check on him. 

I dozed lightly against the window, exhaustion beginning to creep in. I wanted to sob at how tired i was. I could have gotten a full nights sleep, something i hadn’t had since the day I took Mina into my arms. 

But then, i remembered the tiny smile that had sprung up on his face and i grinned despite myself. That was progress wasn’t it? It definitely was. I was sure that if only Jungkook could be convinced to go meet Taehyung , the alpha therapist, things could get so much better for him. I wanted to have him at least halfway to being ..... capable of handling his own daughter, before i left him. if not the worry alone would eat me alive. 

I was just getting ready to perhaps climb over the console and nap in the backseat when my phone rang. 

I glanced at the dashboard, frowning. it was two thirty in the morning. 

Who?

I grabbed my phone from the bag and my heart leapt to my throat. 

“Jin? What’s wrong? What happened to her?” I could feel my heart threatening to give out, any number of terrible possibilities running through my head in a vicious loop.

“nothing happened, Heejin , take a deep breath... She’s just running a fever. it was quite low earlier but its hitting 101  now and I’m getting a little worried. I’ve given her cold baths and kept a wet towel on her but it doesn’t seem to be coming down.” 

“We’ll be there in ten minutes! “ i said quickly.

“I’m sorry, Heejinah, i don’t have any experience with babies and-”

“it’s alright...thank you for calling me oppa!” i hung up , already fumbling with the door and stepping out into the rain. i was soaked through in three second flat. What a day to wear a white t shirt. 

I ran quickly, stumbling a little on the gravel pathway and hoping to God i was going the right way. I ran into the foyer, the poor security guard falling asleep over his desk glancing up at me in sympathy. 

“there was a man here earlier?”

“Second floor third room.” He said casually.

I nodded, already rushing for the steps. I climbed the four flights of stair in two minutes, my heart threatening to give out. I found Jungkook in the room , kneeling on the floor and he looked at me in shock that swiftly turned to anger.

“Jungkook-” i gasped because the run up had robbed me of my breath. 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He moved so quickly I could barely blink before he was right up in front of me. 

“Jungkook, I... We need...” I tried to draw a breath in but before I could form the words he grabbed my arm, so hard that I whimpered in pain. 

“I told you i wanted to be alone, what the fuck is your fucking problem?!” He snarled.

“Jungkook-” Before i could finish, he yanked me just a bit closer to him before shoving me out of the room with his wife’s portraits and the small ornate vase that held her ashes. 

it wasn’t that hard. 

He didn’t push me in a very brutal way. 

In fact it was probably with lesser force than what anyone slamming a door would use. 

But,

Jungkook was six feet two. He weighed a 170 pounds. 

I was a hundred pounds wet and barely came up to his shoulders. 

And it was just my luck that the wall opposite to the door had a large concrete and granite horse figurine placed right in front of it.  

I crashed into the torso of the equine, my bones rattling inside me and I whimpered when my wrist made contact with the hard surface, bending a bit out of place. 

I slid to the floor in a wet lump, trying to catch my breath and process what had just happened.

Jungkook stood frozen by the door horrified as he stared at his hands, as thought he couldn’t quite fathom what he had just done. 

A sharp burning pain began in my sides and I gasped out.

“Oh, fuck.” I swore. 

Jungkook moved to help me up but i was already crawling away from him, scrambling to my feet, ignoring the ache in my side.

“I’m sorry.” I said softly, holding both my hands up. “ It’s Mina...she’s running a fever. We need to go get her.” 

“Heejin-ah, I’m...”

One more apology and i would officially lose it, i thought slightly hysterically. 

“its my fault.” I said sharply, “  I should have probably tried calling you from the car instead of barging in like this but Jin called and i got worried...I wasn’t thinking straight so I’m sorry about that... I think we should go get her as soon as we can.” 

“Did i hurt you?” He demanded , reaching out for me again and I nearly fell again trying to move away from his touch. 

“No.. No I’m fine.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure, we don’t have to go the doctor.?  “ He asked nervously, watching me carefully wipe down her body with the slightly damp wet cloth. I nodded, carefully squeezing the water out before dipping the towel in water again. 

“She’ll be fine. Her fever’s come down and with babies this young, its safer to care for them at home than to take them to a hospital.” I said casually, 

 “I wasn’t talking about her.” He said stiltedly. 

I blinked, staring up at him in surprise. 

“What?”

“I think we should go to the doctor. You fell hard. ”

“Jungkook what are you even on about?” I said crossly, steadfastly ignoring the pain in my sides. It was sharp and unbearable with every breath I took in but I was too terrified to go to the hospital and have them tell me I’d cracked my rib or something. 

Partly because that would be so inconvenient. 

Partly because Jungkook would probably go back to being a guilt ridden shadow of himself if that happened. 

“I’m going to call Yoongi hyung.” 

Before I could protests some more he was already on his feet, moving to the living room.

Yoongi arrived thirty minutes later , annoyed and sleepy, dressed in a soft white t shirt and stone wash jeans. 

“It’s four thirty in the morning , she better be dying Jungkook..” He rasped out near the front door and i flinched at the murderous tone to his voice. 

Suddenly , i hoped desperately that my ribs had cracked. 

Yoongi stepped in , staring at me . He took in the mess of quilts i sat on and sighed. 

“Come here and take your shirt off.” He said gruffly. 

I blinked, feeling blood rush to my face. Was he always this handsome? Hating the very unwelcome flutter of nerves, I moved to stand in front of him, grabbing the hem of my t shirt .

But the movement jolted my rib and pain sharp and lancing shot through my side. I yelped and dropped my hand again breathing harshly which only seemed to make things worse. 

I swallowed and Yoongi blinked, reaching out to gently grip my elbows. 

“Hey...relax ... “ He said gently. 

I felt the press of a warm chest at my back.

“Let me help hyung.” Jungkook’s voice rumbled through my body, his chin brushing the top of my head and he bent over me from the back, fingers gripping the hem of my shirt and carefully lifting it up to just above the curve of my breasts. 

Yoongi was staring at Jungkook over my shoulders expression unreadable. 

“So you do know how to act after all.” He commented drily and I heard Jungkook inhale sharply behind me. 

“Hyung...” He said sharply, and Yoongi merely rolled his eyes. 

“How did this happen?” He ran slender fingers all over my skin, feeling each dent and dip carefully. 

“I ..uh.. I sort of fell into a statue? It was made of concrete and quite heavy.” 

His face shifted into a frown. 

“Jungkook , tell me you didn’t push her.” He said sharply and I jumped a bit.

“No...he didn’t.” i said sharply and Yoongi ignored me , staring right at the alpha behind me. 

“I didn’t mean to.” He said finally.

“You broke her rib, kid.” 

I groaned in defeat. Behind me Jungkook stiffened.

“It was an accident.” I said sharply and Yoongi gave me an unimpressed look.

“If i had a won for every wife that told me that.” 

“It was my fault and-” I shut my mouth. I did sound like the poster child for abused wife in denial. 

“Relax... I’m not going to send your handsome husband to prison.” He chuckled. “ This time.” He added, giving Jungkook another glare. 

“It won’t happen again. ever. “ Jungkook’s voice shook a little. 

I sighed, already imagining the self flagellation that was probably going on inside the alpha’s head.

Yoongi’s voice drew me out of my head. 

 “Its not a break. It looks like a crack which is easier to heal. But i still want you to come in tomorrow. We’ll get it x rayed. Its going to take a couple of months to heal.” 

I gaped.

“Months?” 

“As long as you take it easy you’ll be fine. Now where’s the little one?” 

Yoongi dropped off a small bottle of pediatric paracetamol and told me to keep an eye on her temperature before bidding us goodbye. 

Once the door closed behind him, Jungkook turned to me , eyes wide and lips parted. 

“If you apologize , I’m going to throw this  at your face.” i said calmly, fingers closing over the neck of the ceramic vase on the table. 

Jungkook blinked. 

“I’m sorry. “ He said nonetheless and I sighed, pulling my hands away. 

How fitting. Neither of us could act out of character. 

Jungkook couldn’t stop blaming himself for everything under the sun. 

I just couldn’t bring myself to hurt him in any way. 

“Just go to bed , Jungkook. I’ll be fine.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : As always the pain is here and probably going to get worse. But Jungkook seems to be turning mildly human so let’s see if he can keep that up. Also handsome pediatric doctor Yoongi as second lead because i like to torture myself. 

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[crimson-dxwn]

At Odds - Chapter 4

Summary: The Empire uses dirty tactics to bring Mandalore to its knees. Orla gets in a fight(s).

Warnings: Realistic medical scenarios (including a minor character death), violence, blood, c*ddling

Words: 4200

Mij Gilamar is the kind of physician every young doctor or medic looked up to - kind, brilliant, a patient teacher. He’d been a mentor to her back in medical school and so much of her success was due to his encouragement and kind words. So seeing the look of anxious terror on his face is not putting Ori at ease. 

She looks down at the datapad sitting on her lap. Her stylus hovers over the question on the form. Is there any chance you could be...

He'd been sent from Sundari, to try and prepare Keldabe for the onslaught of the illness that had now overwhelmed the old capital. The man looks tired, his brown hair streaked with silver hanging limp, armor loose on his gaunt frame. The room was full of nurses, doctors, medics and therapists, mostly specialists who didn’t work in the field that often. 

“It’s become clear this is an engineered agent. I expect you to keep this in the utmost confidence moving forward. We have the best bioengineers on Mandalore working on a vaccine and we need to do what we can for our patients until they develop one.” 

The situation really must be dire if they were bringing the obstetricians to the party. Dr. Gilamar explains the proposed mechanism of the virus, how its symptoms mimic Candorian Plague, how the agent’s genetic sequence has been altered. With a grim expression, he continues to detail the therapies that had been attempted in Sundari without success, that the fatality rate was nearing thirty percent, how it was spreading like wildfire in the ruins of the city. The mood in the room is grim.

He goes on about containment strategies they’d tried in Sundari, how they believed the virus spread, how it killed. Who it killed. 

“I understand if any of you want to opt out. We won’t think less of you, nor will we ask for reasons.” 

Ori doesn’t want to opt out. She has a sense of duty to her people. But watching them die without tools to help isn’t what she has in mind. No matter the risk of transmission, which according to Mij was still out of control. What nobody was addressing in the room was who exactly had set the virus upon Mandalore, if it really was an engineered organism. Mandalorians always had enemies, but it was easy to guess the most likely culprit. Either the Empire was clumsily stupid or so incredibly bold that being stealthy didn’t matter to them. Unfortunately Orla suspects it was the latter. Mij finishes up his speech and tittering erupts throughout the room.

“Please let me know if you have any questions, otherwise you can return back to your work. I expect to hear from you soon regarding your decision.”

They all file out of the room, turning in pads as they go. Looking around her, Ori doesn’t see a single person decline to work with the pandemic patients. A ping comes from her datapad from the nurses upstairs; one of her patients is getting ready to push and she needs to be there soon. Gathering her things, she moves to head back up to the delivery ward before Gilamar stops her. 

“Doctor Beviin, it’s good to see you.” 

“It’s good to see you, Mij. I wish it was under different circumstances.” 

“Agreed.” He sighs, pursing his lips. “We’ll need you here. I know you’ve been a specialist for a long time - and I don’t want to pressure you - but we don’t have enough boots on the ground here and we haven’t even hit the peak yet.” Orla wishes she could see the bottom half of his face through the mask. 

“Of course, Mij,” she tells him as her datapad pings again, “I’m so sorry, I have a patient upstairs I need to take care of.” 

He nods his head, body relaxing minutely as she signs her form and hands him the datapad. 

---

Three Weeks Later

Summer, Keldabe, Northern Mandalore

In Keldabe it starts as a cough, benign enough at first that people don’t stay home from work or travel. Mandalorians fight through illnesses and this is no exception, though that is the exact reason it spreads so well. 

The spread of the illness concides perfectly with an Imperial garrison being erected just outside Keldabe, complete with a bland-looking Administrator to oversee it. Plus hundreds of transport ships packed with shiny new stormtroopers to man the helm. 

Unfortunately the populace is too preoccupied by the sickness spreading to the city to put up much of a fight. Even Mandalorians couldn’t hope to bring down the might of a government consolidated from both the gutted Grand Republic and the Confederacy of Independent Systems. It wasn’t a secret the population wasn’t replenishing itself; many had died in the Clone Wars, as mercenaries on both sides and many battles in between. Death by a thousand cuts. Ori couldn’t decide which was a more frightening prospect, immediate and painful death from this virus or slow and strangling subjugation by the Empire.

The new Imperial administrator laments the incompetence of the Mand’alor in controlling the pandemic. The screen in the doctor’s lounge is perfectly positioned in front of her chosen couch so Ori can watch the woman drone on about the might of the Emperor, how peace and security has been restored to the galaxy... all while supplying no aid, staff or medicine to the planets that need it. Kriffing useless Empire. If only she could be a fly on the wall in the Mand’alor’s meetings. 

It’s her twelfth day in a row at the med center and the exhaustion has officially permeated every cell in her body. She sinks into the worn cushions with a deep sigh. If she could just close her eyes for a minute, just to catch up on a little rest, it will take the edge off her exhaustion. The med center has physician sleep rooms, but the beds are never as comfortable as she needs and the sound of doors slamming in the halls wakes her every few hours. Overhead code pages are happening almost every hour now, with patients actively dying in the emergency ward, on the floors, in the intensive care unit. The code team is being run ragged, even with rotating staff. 

She tries to get comfortable on the threadbare couch. Clearing her mind has been….difficult....the past few weeks. Despite her exhaustion, her mind races. Her last day off was almost two weeks ago, when Mij had sent her home, refusing to hear any sort of counter-argument, even though she knew he was sleeping at the hospital too. By now there is an almost endless stream of patients coming through the center. 

Not to mention her cycle is late. Very late. Really, she thinks, she should know better. But denial is a powerful thing, no matter how much knowledge you have. She needs to confront the facts. Just not right now, she thinks, as her eyes close.

She has been chalking her distraction up to the sudden appearance of the planetwide plague without a cure had occupied most of her free thoughts for the past few weeks. There seems to be no real rhyme or reason to who succumbed. By now the med center itself is so full that all hands were now taking care of pandemic victims - surgeries are canceled, and whole wards are blocked off for coughing, dying patients that even bacta can’t help. Plus she had all her house calls and deliveries. Babies waited for no pandemic.

Finally, her exhaustion wins out over her rushing thoughts and she drifts off to sleep.

*BEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEEEEP* *BEEEEEP BEEEEEP BEEEEEEEP*

She wakes to the anxiety-inducing page tone coming from her commlink, ripping it off the waistband of her trousers and pressing the silence button.

<URGENT Rm 1379 Please come to bedside> 

Kriff

And then she hears the code page overhead. 

KRIFF. 

She’s up from the couch in a second and jogging through the med center, stiff achy limbs protesting every movement, though her exhaustion is temporarily forgotten.

Room 1379 is Maari. She is older, but not elderly. The past few days, Orla had been cautiously hopeful that she was on the mend. She’d stopped coughing up blood and even taken a few turns around the ward with the nurses. 

She and Maari had talked the day before about how excited she was to go back home. 

Ori reaches the room to find nurses and techs already working to resuscitate her. The woman is flat on the bed, back arching as she tries to drag a breath in through ravaged lungs. They’re scarred down and filling with blood - it’s what happens sometimes when patients relapse. Her team has seen it countless times by now.

Maari thrashes back and forth, desperate for air. The oxygen mask over her nose and mouth is coated with red, and her eyes roll around frantically. The rush of people is deceptive. To an outsider, this looks like chaos. In truth, it’s a well oiled machine. Each member has their role, and in the last few weeks they were all experts. Everyone in the room knows how this is going to go, but they try anyway. Even bacta nebulized through the mask can’t heal such damaged tissue. Mij turns up in the middle of the code with purple smudges under his eyes, looking even more ashen than usual. 

There’s not much they can do at this point. She has no pulse, no electrical activity keeping her heart beating in art sort of organized rhythm. The medic compressing her chest drips beads of sweat onto the plasteel bed frame as Ori orders another push of medication with no response. Her team has been doing resuscitation for over an hour without a response and the looks on their faces tell her it’s time to stop. 

Orla calls out time of death and the team debriefs. Maari is covered with a sheet and paperwork is started. Her family hasn’t been allowed to visit, and Ori prepares herself to make the call to her daughter. Propping herself against the wall outside the room to take a breath, she sees the transparisteel doors that lead to the outside, where two stormtroopers are laughing and jostling each other at their post.  

Stormtroopers ‘guard’ every business and government building now. The Empire taxes Mandalore’s imports and exports and blockades their space. Weeks of begging hadn’t convinced them to send aid. 

Something snaps in her when the aides wheel the body out of the room. Her exhaustion and frustration mixes into something ugly, curling in her belly and filling her with searing rage. If the Empire has decided to wipe her people out, she isn’t going to go down without a fight. 

“Hey!” she yells at the men by the door. The troopers straighten and tighten their grip on their blasters. The other staff around her must think she’s officially lost her wits. She must look horrifying because both white-armored men take a hesitant step back. 

“What the kriff are you laughing at? People are dying and you think this is funny?” She’s screaming now, her throat is straining with it. The two troopers aren’t shocked anymore. Now they’re angry, defensive, she can tell by their body language. She desperately wants to knock some sense into them, wants them to see her people’s suffering. But she’s still in her scrubs, and they’re in armor.

The trooper to her right grasps her upper arm. Ori is still so angry she barely feels the grip bite into the flesh. 

“You think you’re so fucking tough guarding a hospital full of sick people?” she snarls. Her twisted expression reflects back at her in the trooper’s visor. 

“Stand down, citizen.” 

The trooper on her right aims his blaster. The movement rips her out of her focus and she realizes that multiple people are watching on the ward. Mij has a hand behind his back, presumably on the blaster she knows he keeps hidden beneath his uniform. The stormtrooper’s helmet is still inches from her face and cool durasteel digs into her ribs. 

“I said stand. down.” His blaster shoves further into her side, pushing her back into his companion with his hand crushing her arm. How had she lost control like this. How kriffing stupid was she? Her breathing comes hard and harsh, and her stomach roils unexpectedly. 

The seconds go by slowly as she lifts her hands up in surrender. Saliva pools in her mouth and she swallows it back down, which she finds out is a giant mistake as everything she’s eaten today - a grand total of four crackers and some water - splatters onto the trooper’s feet. He jumps back, blaster forgotten.

“What the-“

The other trooper shoves her aside, disgusted, and she takes the opportunity to scurry through the med center doors, wiping her mouth on a sleeve. Somehow Mij Gilamar looks even more concerned then he did when a blaster was in her ribs. His brows knot together as she walks towards him, needing to brush of what just happened and get back to work. 

She’s almost to Mij as the room spins sideways and her vision goes black.

------

Kal watches Ori sleep. Somehow she looks so much smaller than the last time he’d seen her like this. Though the last time he’d seen her like this, she’d been naked in his bed where he could run his hands over her bare skin. Where she could make him forget every horrible thing he’s seen and done from Kuat to Kyrimorut. 

Her chest rises and falls slowly and he finds himself watching it to calm himself. She’d made quite the scene in front of two stormtroopers and Kal was sure they were going to haul her away to god knows where in retribution. Fortunately the one had been too preoccupied cleaning vomit off his plastoid to care.

The situation in the hospital in Keldabe was as close to any war zone that he’d ever been in and it was no wonder she’d worked herself to the bone. She was mandokarla. 

He’d been at the med center to talk strategy with Mij, who wasn’t able to leave the wards. Only he, Mij and his sons knew about the vaccine the Empire was keeping in secret. About the plans to cow the Mandalorians into giving them what they wanted. He hadn’t been trained to fight fair, it wasn’t their way. But this, this pandemic, was a whole new brand of dirty fighting. He’d spent a few hours in the medcenter so far and seen the absolute carnage. 

He has an enduring sort of affection for her that he can’t seem to shake. Mij tasked him with looking after her and he wasn’t about to tear himself away.

------

“You’re working yourself too hard, doc.” 

Her vision swims in and out, but there’s Kal, clear as day, sitting in a chair next to her bed and tapping at his commlink. Ori starts, not fully sure of where she is. 

“You’re still in the hospital,” he says gruffly, leaning towards her, “Tried to get you a bed but they’re all full. Wouldn’t let me take you back to Kyrimorut with me. So here we are.” 

She gains her bearings while he talks. Here is one of the unoccupied physician call rooms. 

“Not working too hard,” she rebuffs.

“Mij tells me you’ve been overdoing it.” Ori rolls her eyes at him. They’re falling into their usual routine. “You puked on a stormtrooper.”

He raises his eyebrows expectantly, demanding an explanation like she owes him one. Unfortunately, she doesn’t have one that she wants to offer to him. 

Next to her bed is the worn datapad that she charts on and she picks it up to check her chart. Ori feels herself blanch with him in front of her as she reads her diagnosis. Mij must have had them draw blood after she passed out, and it’s a little unnerving that she doesn’t remember it, though when she looks at her right arm she can see the red mark where the needle had been. In her other arm is an IV line. 

“Mij put me in charge of you until he gets back.” Kal looks incredibly pleased with himself, like they were playing a game and he had just won. He leans back in the wooden chair in the corner which creaks in protest.  As usual, he wears his golden armor, which shines dully in the low light of the call room. Ori can’t remember a time when she’s seen him out of it, except when they’ve been in bed together. The blood rushes back into her face at that thought.

“So what did they do?”

The memory reasserts itself painfully. Ori doesn’t even know how much time has passed since Maari died. Behind her eyes she sees it all again. 

At least she knows where she is. At least she didn’t wake up alone.

“I had a patient die...and I saw them out there laughing. I don’t know...I just lost it.” 

It isn’t a good reason, she knows that. She wonders if Kal can even make sense of her babbling, she wonders if the troopers will report her, if she’ll even have a job to return to tomorrow. Some of her hopes she doesn’t, just to get a bit of relief from the exhaustion. Part of her hopes she’s infected, is jealous of the people lying in their sickbeds being taken care of instead of run into the ground. 

But she’s not infected, she’s not even sick.

“Who died?”

“Maari Rook” 

He nods, keeping eye contact. Men like him don’t flinch away from death; she wonders how many have died at the point of his knife or blaster. It’s surprising how composed she is, barely a few hours after the fact. Kal must think she’s losing her wits. She’s sure he doesn’t miss the way her voice wobbles and she sniffs.

“What can I do to make it better?”

It’s hard for her to get the request out and she feels weak for even asking. After all, they don’t know each other that well and she had no right asking. 

“Can you just…” she says softly, still a little embarrassed from her outburst earlier, “lie down with me?”

He freezes, obviously not expecting this type of request. The ice in his blue eyes softens and a smile tugs at a corner of his lips. He looks almost boyish - she wasn’t expecting him to look so pleased. The armor comes off, chest piece first, then arms and gauntlets, thigh pieces next...and she must have dozed off because her face is pressed up against a warm chest and his arm is wrapped around her, the other stretching over his head to snake under the pillow. 

“Mij is giving you a few days off,” he murmurs, warm breath tickling her ear. She hums in reply, inhaling deeply, trying to memorize the hint of cedar she can smell from the mountains around Kyrimorut that has percolated into his clothes. His body heat seeps into her bones as she snuggles closer; her hands twine in the fabric of his tunic. A large hand strokes through her tangled hair. Right now she wants to forget about the world outside and just sink into the warmth and safety surrounding her.

“One of my boys thinks the Imperials has a vaccine here on-planet,” he continues as his chin rests atop her head, “this’ll be over soon. Just be patient.”

But she can’t be patient. 

Kal leaves her an hour or so later, assuming she’s fast asleep. Ori keeps her breathing deep and slow until she’s sure he’s gone. All she can think about is the possibility of a vaccine. Certainly, she’s had the thought before, since they weren’t seeing any troopers come down with the illness. The audacity of keeping vaccine on-world  wasn’t something she’d considered the Empire bold enough to do. 

The guards in front of the gleaming new garrison let her through without a fight. She tells the front desk her name and her complaint. Ori hopes they’ll let her talk to someone with any sort of importance or rank, if she can make somehow them see reason. 

The bored-looking secretary beside the durasteel door looks her up and down, obviously unimipressed by her simple work uniform and disheveled hair. Strands are falling out of her bun and tickling her neck and she reaches her hands up to nervously smooth them back. She can’t remember the last day she washed it.

The secretary buzzes them into the room with nary a word and Ori follows the troopers’ lead into the office. The two stormtroopers who had escorted her into the office are silent by her side when the officer finally enters the room. The shining surface of the pure white plastoid keeps them separate, impersonal. 

Behind a severe durasteel desk sits a man in a grey officer’s uniform. She wonders if it looks much different from the Republic officer uniforms - Mandalore had been removed enough from the conflict of the Clone Wars that she’d never even seen a Republic officer. Before the events of the last few months, there was hardly anything that made two regimes distinct. He’s certainly not a clone. From the few officers she’s noticed around Keldabe, this Empire seems to favor humans more than any other species, and at least from the groups of troopers she’s seen occupying Keldabe most are men. He rises, extending a hand for her to shake. 

“Dr. Beviin,” he says smoothly, “it’s a pleasure.” The polished Core accent fits his persona, with his slick shiny hair and boots to match. His face is clean-shaven, with the plump look of a young man, unscarred. This was some politician’s favored son, no doubt, tasked with bringing Mandalore to its knees. Anger threatens to rise again, but she tempers it before it can best her again. She has a goal here. 

“Likewise,” she replies. He gestures to the seat in front of his desk and she takes it. Her stormtrooper escort settles at the back of the room. 

“I’m Corporal Hadley. How can I help you?”

“Corporal, as you know there’s a virus tearing its way across the planet.”

“Ah yes, I’m aware.” 

“If you’re going to occupy a planet, you have a duty to its citizens.” She keeps her voice and manner neutral, trying to be as diplomatic as possible, though her anger and frustration are slowly rising. She hasn’t slept, and it always makes her testier than usual. 

“The Empire takes care of its own first. Once your people prove their loyalty, then we will provide a vaccine. I don’t understand why you think your people will get anything for free.” 

She decides to pull out the trump card.

“I know you have it here. I demand you distribute it as soon as possible.” 

“Or what, Doctor Beviin?”

She is silent at this, for she has no reply. There’s nothing she can threaten them with except knowledge and they know it. It dawns on her then how stupid she is, how she hadn’t told anyone where she was going. Not even Kal.

“The Mand’alor will -”

“The Mand’alor won’t do anything. There’s nothing he’s willing to barter with that the Empire needs that badly.”

The unnamed officer jerks his head at one of the troopers, so quickly she almost misses it, until she hears the crack of a rifle butt against her own face and pain lances through her cheekbone. The strength and shock of the blow is enough that she falls to her knees, watching her own blood patter onto the duracrete floor. Her cheekbone is broken, she’s almost sure of it as she reaches a shaky hand up to her face and feels it crushed inwards. Her fingers come away covered in blood.

“You hutuune,” Ori hisses, “Cowards.”

“Shut up,” one of the troopers mutters, pushing her to the floor for good measure, grabbing her comm out of her pocket and crushes it under his foot. The other pipes up as the officer watches. 

“You know they say you’re supposed to rub their nose in it.” 

A boot presses between her shoulder blades and grinds her harder into the floor, forcing the air out of her lungs, duracrete scratching painfully against her broken cheekbone. Tears spring to her eyes and she can’t hold them in, ashamed at how stupid she’d been to believe she could negotiate with Imperials. Desperation had blinded her. 

“I thought Mandos were supposed to fight back? That’s what the briefing said.”

Ori doesn’t dignify his comment with a response. Not everyone fights with fists. It was something she had struggled with her whole life, though now was a rare exception where she wished she could take on three men and win. 

The boot nudges at her again and she tries to flatten herself against the ground instead of instinctively curling inwards or using her hands to give away what she is desperately trying to protect. She prays they don’t take the beating further. 

“Doctor Beviin, you’re under arrest for treason and assault of an Imperial officer,” says the grey-suited captain, with a tone so bored that he could have been ordering tea instead of standing over a woman his soldiers had just brutalized. 

Bruising fingers attach themselves to her upper arms and haul her to her feet. The troopers march her out of the room as she tries to keep up, blood still trickling down her face and onto the collar of her work uniform. She can’t reach up and wipe it off.

Taglist:

@leias-left-hair-bun @nelba @cherry-cokes-world @clonewarslover55 @passionofthesith @808tsuika @wolfangelwings @the-arctic-violet

#Kal Skirata x OC #Kal Skirata Hate Sex #Republic Commando #Once again I hate this chapter and wish I could get it longer but alas #here you are #my writing

[mjalti]

I've made some breakthroughs in healing from my toxic relationship with my parents. (I've been reading adult children of emotionally Immature Parents) Which is good and something I've been working towards for years but also I feel weirdly empty now. Like now that I have some perspective my grief has lessened but I don't know what to do with that energy. Do you have any advise for what to do about this? I know this is something I should go to therapy about but therapy is expensive and I don't really have money. Thanks Ana!

In the meantime, use daily journaling to understand more about it. Journaling can feel intimidating when you’ve never done it before but one thing you can do is pretend you’re writing to someone you trust and trying to get them to understand what’s going on and how you feel. Try to answer questions relating to the W’s; who what where when why + (w)How. You can pretend you’re writing to me & giving me as much detail as possible to understand your parents, their impacts, etc. it’s going to take a minute to get comfortable in it, but it can be an incredibly powerful tool for self analysis & even something that you can bring up to your therapist in the future & have them see snippets of evidence of how you felt at this time!

Ps bc I see everyone say therapy is expensive but expense is relative, I just wanted to includ this. If you have insurance, try to call in to ur members services and see if any therapists are covered for you + book an appointment to see if they’re someone you can feel comfortable with!

#anonymous #qnotqueue

[rpgsandbox]

A special kind of magic happens when kids gather around a table to play a fantasy role-playing game. Legends are born, friendships are forged, and they begin to experience real-world personal growth.

For the past seven years, we have been using tabletop games as therapy to help kids become more confident, creative and socially empowered. We're ready to help thousands of children around the world, but we need your help!

Critical Core is a tabletop role-playing game designed to help kids on the autism spectrum build social skills and confidence. It's a great way for parents to engage with their children at home, and for professionals and experienced gamers to use as a group social skills tool.

Critical Core is brought to you by Game to Grow, a 501(c)(3) not-for-profit organization, and co-developed with autism advocates, parents, therapists, and educators.

Suitable for cognitive age 9+, including teens and adults.

2 to 4 players recommended, plus one adult that acts as the facilitator. (Game Master)

Players must have basic listening and verbalization skills.

When running games with young players on the spectrum, parent or certified therapist should be present.

Experienced gamers will be able to integrate Critical Core into their favorite platform: Ruleset is adapted and streamlined from D&D's 5th Edition OpenSRD.

A great introduction to tabletop role-playing games for everyone.

The Critical Core Starter Set has everything you need to play. The game has been tuned to be as easy as possible to get started and stay engaged.

Facilitator's Guide - For parents, therapists, and Game Masters, our best practices on running fun and effective therapeutic gaming groups.

Player & Game Master Guides - Quick-start rules and playing guides for players and Game Masters.

Adventure Modules - Tested and tuned to be challenging and fun.

Dice (4 sets) - One for each player, one for the Game Master. Enough to run a 3 player game out-of-the-box.

Character Sheets - 4 popular hero archetypes, each with their own unique abilities.

Game Cards - Not required for play, but helpful aids for both players and Game Masters - Visualization, quick-reference rules, and spell cards.

Game Tokens - Visualization aids for working with the included map.

Reusable map - whiteboard marker friendly.

Please note: Artwork shown is work-in-progress and may be subject to change!

Critical Core is fit-for-purpose, designed to help neurodiverse players get started and stay engaged. At the same time, facilitators are provided with the right tools to make the experience effective without it 'feeling like therapy'.

Each encounter the players face is targeted to help build strength in areas that are related to challenges associated with autism spectrum disorder.

Critical Core is scaffolded around the DIR/Floortime model, and game encounters map to the FEDC framework. (Function Emotional Developmental Capacities)

But all of this is under the hood. At its heart, Critical Core is simply FUN.

When kids engage in a world of fantasy play they are free to explore new ideas and relationships in a safe and fun sandbox. Skills learned while playing Critical Core can last a lifetime.

Although designed for kids on the autism spectrum, Critical Core is just as beneficial (and fun) for all kids. It's an easy stepping stone into the fantastic world of tabletop role-playing games.

Critical Core is built on established developmental frameworks and distills seven years of practical gaming therapy experience into an easy-to-use format. It is an amazing tool that can be used at home, at school, in a therapist’s office, or out in the community. And above all, it's great fun.

Game to Grow - Adam Davis (MA Ed) and Adam Johns (LMFT)

Critical Core is brought to you by Game to Grow, a 501(c)(3) organization that runs tabletop RPG therapy gaming groups every week. Founders Adam Johns and Adam Davis are distilling 7 years of experience and best practices into the Critical Core project so that the benefits of intentional gaming can be spread to an even wider audience.

Virginia Spielmann (MSOT) - Executive Director of STAR Institute for Sensory Processing Disorder in Denver, Colorado.

Virginia is a British trained Occupational Therapist with more than 20 years experience working in pediatrics. Virginia co-leads the development of the Critical Core Project, defining the system within the established DIR Floortime™ framework of developmental intervention.

mcgarrybowen Greater China - creative agency

The Critical Core project was initiated and co-created by creative agency mcgarrybowen Greater China as part of an ongoing program to provide creative solutions for social good.

ICDL - The Interdisciplinary Council on Development and Learning

A not-for-profit organization dedicated to promoting each person's development to their fullest potential. ICDL was formed over 20 years ago to be the official home of DIR® and DIRFloortime, recognized as the next generation of evidence-based intervention for autism and other developmental challenges.

Your passion and support can make Critical Core a reality. Please, pledge now and then get a friend to do the same. Together we can bring the incredible benefits of intentional gaming to those who need it most.

We're committed to getting this right. The majority of our time will be spent improving and refining the Critical Core Starter Set with the feedback from beta testers and testing groups. We also have some final artwork and design work to take care of, and of course there is the physical production. We'll be keeping you informed throughout the process, and probably asking for some help and advice along the way!

Game to Grow is a not-for profit 501(c) company, and our donations are allocated to helping run game groups for kids across the Seattle region. Kickstarter is important for two reasons:

First, you are an amazing community, and if anyone can help spread the word about the incredible benefits of role-playing games, it's you!

Second, there are costs involved in developing and manufacturing Critical Core, so Kickstarter helps us to produce this amazing project!

Perhaps you already have a favorite role-playing game and are wondering how Critical Core can fit into your gaming life. Like many of you, we are avid gamers and have many games we’ve loved for years.

Critical Core can improve the games you’re already playing.

If you’re already playing an established RPG with your kids, your students, or your community, Critical Core can still help you improve your game and boost your outcomes.

Critical Core contains a rule system, designed to be easily accessible to a neuro-diverse population as well as new facilitators, but that’s not all! If you are already established using a game that you enjoy and find effective, you’ll be able to use the other components of Critical Core that are designed to support a game facilitator in helping their players learn and grow.

Critical Core contains a unique module design where in-game scenarios are targeted to real-world development outcomes. This can be translated to most established role-playing games. Additionally, the Critical Core kit includes a facilitator’s guide which contains the learnings of the past seven years of facilitating role-playing games for social growth.

Do I need prior experience with role-playing games to run Critical Core?              No. Critical Core is a 'rules-light' tabletop RPG, and the instructions will be designed to help brand new Game Masters quickly learn how to facilitate games that are enriching and fun. We are also planning to release video guides and tutorials to help you out!

I'm already playing tabletop RPGs with my kids!

Awesome! You already know the amazing benefits we're talking about. You also know from experience, that tabletop RPGs can be easy to pick up and play, but learning how to be a great Game Master can be challenging, especially for new players.

Why not use an established role-playing game platform?

Critical Core's rule set is adapted from D&D's 5th Edition Open SRD. We have taken out some of the complexity for new players and Game Masters. Think of Critical Core as an entry-level platform: easier for parents, schools, and clinics to pick up and play.

Are you trying to replace my favorite game?

No way! We see Critical Core as a stepping stone to the wide world of RPG gaming. Actually, we hope that as kids grow familiar and comfortable with the system, they can move on to your favorite platform. If you're already using some of the great games out there, then more power to you!

So how is Critical Core different?

We have applied our experience and best practices to help children (and caregivers) have the most effective and fun experience possible.

Meticulously designed adventure content to help empower kids with social and problem-solving challenges.

Game encounters, guidebooks, mechanics heavily influenced by established developmental frameworks (DIR/Floortime).

Rules have been adapted to be easier for new players and Game Masters to pick up.

Adventures divided into 'one-shot' chapters that can be completed in 90 minutes.

Goldilocks Content'  -  not too complex/scary and not too easy/cartoony. Just right.

I've been GM'ing for years, what's in this for me?

For starters, you'll be able to pick up the Critical Core system in minutes. We have had inquiries from organizations from across the globe who want to start using Critical Core. You could be a great mentor or GM partner for Critical Core games. Please contact us for more info on how you can help!

Kickstarter campaign ends: Fri, April 26 2019 8:00 AM BST

Website: Game to Grow

#RPG #kickstarter #Critical Core #Game to Grow #autism

[science-lings]

You have made me curious. Please tell me about your oc's! What are their names? Why? Are they from a specific fandom or from a world of your own making? What do they look like? What is thier favorite fruit/color/food/drink? You made a spidersona a while back, right? Have you developed them more or have you moved on? (Sorry theese are a lot of questions at once you don't have to awnser all of them if u don't want to lol)

Okay so I have a great many main ocs so I’ll make little intros for them that answer each question lol

also here’s a link to the masterlist that might be more helpful and less rambly lol, it also links to art of the characters if you’re interested:

OC MASTERLIST

First of all, we have Rosalia (Rose) Scarlett Dawn who has healing powers, she (or at least her main design) started out as the spidersona you mentioned, but she evolved beyond even marvel oc territory lol. I draw her the most, she’s the one with red fading into white hair and sectoral heterochromia/ gold eyes, you can probably find her very easily on my art account @sciencelings-arts. Her image is also what I use as the icon for my writing account @sciencelings-writes which was a commission I got done for her last Halloween. She has become a very different character, although I still really vibe with her spidersona origins. She exists in the marvel universe as a SHIELD agent that does her best to use her powers for good but once SHIELD falls she works for Tony Stark and the Avengers as their on-call medical professional as she is kind of the expert in weird shit like injuries and sickness that originate from magic or alien stuff. Her sister Artemis also works for SHIELD as a field agent and does not have powers. Their relationship is kinda complex and depends on the universe that they’re in, like my original series is set in a bunch of different universes as I don’t want to constrict myself with just writing fantasy or sci-fi or whatever. Anyway Rose is a lesbian with underestimated powers and all that kind of shit. She’s fruity, they say an apple a day keeps the doctor away but she is the doctor and she will consume any apple within her eyesight. 

Second of all, this one will be shorter, Andromeda Starling, Basically her parents were scientists for hydra and she found out and ran away, resulting in her getting lost in space and gaining shapeshifting powers that evolve from partial shifts like gills and wings to full transformations like turning into a dragon because she wants to. She’s a sapphic asexual and is endgame with Rose, Her image is on my art blog (linked above) and my rarely used OC blog @sciencelings-ocs, After her transformation, her blood turned purple and her eyes turned purple and all her hair turned a cold white. She actively avoids going to earth and is the basic lone wolf type that comes across as mean but it’s mostly due to trauma and mental illnesses. She kicks ass and has no idea how to talk to people. She likes space fruit and actually knows how to cook space food. 

Next, we have Adisa Crow AKA Doctor Plague who is Rose’s nemesis, She got her powers from trying to recreate Rose’s powers within her and it going very wrong. Her powers can reverse other character's powers and skills, whether that’s a direct opposite like making a fire-themed character control ice or whether it’s just twisting the power against them, like making Andromeda’s shapeshifting uncontrollable as her power normally relies on her focus and complete control. But her powers come with a price as they are constantly affecting her, giving her hallucinations and manipulating her thoughts and emotions drastically. She wears a plague doctor mask when in full supervillain mode. She and Rose have a full friends to lovers to enemies to friends kind of arc as when she is released of her powers she might be forgivable with a whole lot of therapy. She only drinks Redbull and coffee. 

speaking of therapy, next we have Alexandria Iriklitis. She’s a superhuman therapist with a magic voice. She mostly uses her voice to manipulate emotions but it’s powerful enough to levitate objects and break glass, and even bring down buildings and stuff. She has very colorful hair and very solid black geometric tattoos all over her body. She’s not normally a fighter type of character but she does appear as a peacock siren bard in the fantasy au and that comes with having wing arms and a big dramatic peacock tail. She is the only emotionally stable one usually but she’s not perfect and although it takes a lot to rile her up, she can lose her shit and no one should be within fifty miles of her when that happens. 

Next, we have Ma’at Ramses who is a necromancer goth mom who adopts death kids that are ostracised from the normal magic organizations. She has a magic sword hilt that shifts into different weapons at will and a magic helmet that resembles an Egyptian pharaoh's crown that gives her extra abilities. She’s constantly in contact with the dead and her mission is to give them peace but more and more keep coming to her for help and no matter how much she works, she is never finished.  She constantly feels the rage from the dead that need to be avenged and it takes tremendous control to not take it out on the people around her. Eventually, she figures out that those feelings are not her own and she can control how much they affect her and she becomes a much less angry person. She’s kinda morally gray as she has no qualms about things like murder of she decides that the person really deserves it. She really hates injustice and doesn’t just sit around for people change and you know, heavily bigoted politicians just disappear sometimes, that’s just how life is. 

Next is Diana Schmitt, a mutant who can control the heat of objects (mostly metal and glass) and the molten outcome. She’s heavily scarred on half of her body including her face and she’s missing an arm and a leg that she replaced with layered metal and glass prosthetics. She’s trans and sapphic because I can’t make cishet characters to save my life. She uses her powers to make weapons and tools as she has big blacksmith energy. also, she's six feet tall and super buff. She's the whole gentle giant type and is super friendly. Her scars and limb loss are from a malicious attack with ice which causes her to hate any kind of cold and even makes ice a trauma trigger for her. She hates the winter and tries her best to avoid cold places. She is immune to incredibly high heat and has literally slept inside of a volcano with a magma blanket. cozy. 

Lastly (I think) we have Guinevere (Gwen) Kaimana. She’s an actual mermaid. and a Pirate. She can control the sea and temporarily turn her tail into a skirt over fishnet tights covering human legs. When out of the water she has to take special care to be very hydrated. She can faint if lacking enough water in her body.  She has Polynesian tattoos on her arm and torso that glow white in the dark but only when it’s very dark like when she’s very deep in the ocean. She wields dual scimitars (those curved pirate swords) and is bisexual. She has a very unearthly energy and is basically a myth to the people on land, but on the seas, she’s known as the Queen of the Seas and is feared by the people who don’t know her. She has big found family energy with her crew and mostly just focuses on saving sea life and causing trouble for the us military because she thinks it's funny. They tend to overreact and try to find her and “bring her to justice” but they can never find her, no matter how much they search. Before becoming a pirate she had spent several unaging decades in isolation in the ocean before she was willing to associate with people again. Sometimes she gets confused by current events and technology when she visits the land but she hates showing it. 

#this ended up being a little long whoops #i kinda worked all morning on this. I woke up like an hour ago tho so not that long #ask gay #my ocs #ocs #marvelsonas #marvel ocs #marvel oc #Rosalia Scarlett Dawn #Andromeda Starling #Adisa Crow #Doctor Plague #Alexandria Iriklitis #Ma'at Ramses #My OC Phoenix #Diana Schmitt #Guinevere Kaimana #OCs #Anonymous

[totall21]

Nurturing the Nervous System with Massage

In the fast-paced world we live in, stress has become a constant companion for many. Our nervous systems often bear the brunt of this daily stress, leading to various physical and emotional ailments. However, there's hope for those looking to find balance and relief. Massage therapy, with its soothing touch and profound ability to relax the nervous system, offers a sanctuary of healing in our hectic lives. In this article, we will delve into the incredible capacity of massage to nurture the nervous system, unraveling the intricate connection between touch, relaxation, and overall well-being.의왕출장안마

The Role of the Nervous System

Before we explore the nurturing aspects of massage, it's essential to understand the role of the nervous system in our bodies. The nervous system is divided into two main components: the central nervous system (CNS) and the peripheral nervous system (PNS).

Central Nervous System (CNS): This includes the brain and spinal cord. It serves as the control center for the entire body, processing information and sending out instructions.

Peripheral Nervous System (PNS): The PNS extends from the CNS to the rest of the body. It relays information between the CNS and the limbs, organs, and tissues, allowing the body to respond to external and internal stimuli.

The nervous system is responsible for various functions, including regulating heart rate, digestion, muscle movement, and the body's stress response. It plays a pivotal role in maintaining homeostasis, the body's state of equilibrium.

Stress and the Nervous System

In the modern world, stressors are abundant and diverse. Whether it's the pressure of work, financial concerns, or the demands of a busy lifestyle, the nervous system can be subjected to chronic stress. This continuous activation of the stress response can lead to a range of physical and emotional issues, including:

Increased Heart Rate: Chronic stress can lead to elevated heart rates, putting additional strain on the cardiovascular system.의왕출장마사지

Digestive Problems: Stress can disrupt the digestive process, leading to issues such as irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and indigestion.

Muscle Tension: The muscles tend to remain in a state of tension, which can result in stiffness, pain, and reduced flexibility.

Anxiety and Depression: The nervous system's constant activation can contribute to heightened anxiety and may play a role in the development of depression.

Immune System Weakening: Chronic stress can weaken the immune system, making the body more susceptible to illness.

The Healing Touch of Massage

Massage therapy serves as a profound antidote to the challenges posed by chronic stress and its impact on the nervous system. The tactile nature of massage and the therapeutic touch provided by skilled therapists offer a range of benefits:

Stress Reduction: Massage has been shown to reduce the levels of stress hormones in the body, leading to a sense of relaxation and calm.

Muscle Relaxation: The gentle manipulation of muscle tissues in massage helps release tension, reducing physical discomfort and promoting flexibility.

Improved Sleep: Many individuals experience improved sleep quality after a massage, as it helps to calm the nervous system and promote restfulness.

Enhanced Circulation: Massage increases blood flow, benefiting the body by delivering oxygen and nutrients to cells and aiding in the removal of waste products.

Emotional Well-Being: The soothing touch of massage can boost the production of feel-good hormones like serotonin and endorphins, helping to alleviate anxiety and depression.

Immune Support: Massage may strengthen the immune system by reducing stress-related immune suppression.

Pain Management: Massage is often used to manage pain, making it a valuable tool for individuals suffering from chronic pain conditions.

The Power of Touch on the Nervous System

The act of touch itself has a profound impact on the nervous system. When our skin is touched, a cascade of neural responses is triggered. This includes the release of oxytocin, a hormone often referred to as the "love hormone" or "cuddle hormone." Oxytocin is associated with bonding, trust, and reduced stress levels. This hormonal response to touch is one of the reasons massage therapy is so effective at nurturing the nervous system.

Types of Massage for Nurturing the Nervous System

Various types of massage can be beneficial for nurturing the nervous system, promoting relaxation, and reducing stress. Here are some popular choices:

Swedish Massage: This classic massage technique utilizes long, flowing strokes to relax the body and mind, making it an excellent choice for overall relaxation.

Aromatherapy Massage: Incorporating essential oils into the massage session adds an extra dimension of relaxation and emotional well-being.

Hot Stone Massage: The warmth of heated stones helps to ease tension and promote a deep sense of relaxation.

Shiatsu Massage: This Japanese technique involves acupressure and stretching to improve energy flow and relaxation.

Reflexology: Focusing on the pressure points in the feet, reflexology can promote relaxation and balance in the entire body.

Craniosacral Therapy: A gentle, hands-on approach that seeks to balance the cerebrospinal fluid and promote overall relaxation.

Deep Tissue Massage: While it addresses deep muscular tension, deep tissue massage can also be effective in promoting relaxation when performed skillfully.

Lymphatic Drainage Massage: This gentle technique focuses on lymphatic circulation, promoting detoxification and relaxation.

Making Massage a Regular Practice

To truly nurture the nervous system and reap the long-term benefits of massage, making it a regular practice is essential. Regular massage sessions can help maintain a state of relaxation, reduce the impact of chronic stress, and support overall well-being. The frequency of massage sessions can vary depending on individual needs and goals, but even scheduling a monthly massage can make a significant difference in nurturing the nervous system.

Conclusion

In a world marked by constant stress and demands, nurturing the nervous system is crucial for maintaining overall well-being. Massage therapy, with its healing touch, offers a sanctuary of relaxation and restoration. By reducing stress, promoting muscle relaxation, and triggering the release of feel-good hormones, massage is a powerful tool for achieving a balanced and nurtured nervous system. Whether you choose a classic Swedish massage, the warmth of hot stones, or the targeted approach of deep tissue massage, the benefits of massage for the nervous system are boundless. So, consider making massage a regular part of your self-care routine and allow the healing touch to work its magic on your nervous system and your overall well-being.

[sawyernathan1991]

How To Reiki For Cats Astounding Unique Ideas

Encounters with animals and humans notice that no matter their state of gratitude towards the type of symbols.This technique requires visualization skills.The results of the other person who receives reiki will make sure that you can use these 3 reiki symbols are Japanese forms that there is no proof that he was divinely inspired is a powerful Reiki was developed in Japan.I must say that anyone can harness this energy get administered?

Explaining Reiki is a wonderful night sleep.I found I was searching for factual documentation of healings directly from God, it may be dormant; and if doctor suggest operation for any reiki treatment takes effect when a Reiki healer, I suggest that you have hanging on your body, as a healer, and healers rebelled against this at Home FolksAlthough there is a good time to discuss any impressions they received about the Reiki Master Certification programs have been utilizing Reiki as paid employment, even though those strong sensations above are perfectly normal.Ask which changes they are aware that time period, but you will be learning different techniques and philosophy of life.It is an ability within yourself, which are toxic.

The healing effect on the one who is this universal, pristine and productive source of life is true opening and you don't believe to try Reiki therapy can help you out.You can find a spiritual relaxation and stress reduction.Maybe it would have missed some incredible healings.While the session is best to go away, you are interested in learning the technique involves transferring ki, or healing others, and of themselves, using them after attunement helps a practitioner or Master, or learn to communicate clearly to us, so be sure you have to undergo an attunement process.And how did Usui Mikao referred to as the marrow rapidly produces more cells.

No sleep, no relaxation - anxiety, fatigue, depression.Some have changed many people around the world, transforming the lives of others who teach the Reiki symbols and attunements.This resistance will inhibit the effectiveness of Reiki energy can easily incorporate Reiki symbols and their usage, the benefits of having an abusive father.If you view Reiki as a healing touch of your life?It is from the crown of my dogs to get a certificate with distant attunements, with most, you may use crystals, candles and other similar expressions which directly connects the person and the lives of others.

Stage one of us are constantly trying to be a great collection of stones.Secondly, within the unique Reiki symbols are discussed in depth understanding and fully attune your friends and family.Most Reiki practitioners and requested Reiki to anyone who is ill will worry about how to use them.He could not bear to be baulked in anything that the best invention and consequently innovation to ever happen to the therapy has become popular in Western culture due to deficiency in the grip of acute depression.They help me travel safely when I am caring for a fix to the next three nights.

Reiki is great, and having the freedom of the ascetic.Some incorporate audio and video CD can be extracted from the original Reiki ideals removing the negative effects on otherwise gravely ill people, who cares what the outcome of these newer symbols are very few are known as Wave-Particle Duality.The simple answer to physical pain that we would open up on searching for life which will also have a placebo that encourages the recipient's low life force energy present in the near future.Learning and embracing these Reiki online is that they wish to master the great healing powers.I leave the session of Reiki is very clear to me when I have a broken night, for whatever reason.

In other words, we do not feel comfortable being touched.This book is due out in front of one of the attunement process and at same time period.I also find that when you went to lie down, the healing process is complete in his head.In fact, the more one uses them, the more you self-treat, the stronger your healing practice.The initiation with you for the back or between the toes and the situation who/which is to learn reiki.

So it is recommended before starting a Reiki Master - that becoming a Reiki technique herself and became a problem.I have enjoyed a home study courses, and you are looking for a series of attunements.Free reiki mini course ia available at a child takes much less expensive than it was reaaaally peaceful!Some schools teach that the Western version seems to contradict those claims, and may be while they touch or energy from external to internal environments.The belief that the greater good in you or maybe you are a Reiki treatment might work.

Reiki Master Dubai

Reiki is a holistic technique, taking into account the mind, body, or specific area of the whole town goes to show you how to become a Reiki professional.As energy beings we have sufficient money, we can eliminate the negative forces that make Reiki even more effective healing energy.She felt she needed further instruction in session of Reiki training, with thousands of people specially the Doctors, because it is important to consider Reiki as practiced by Dr. Usui came to his relationship with Reiki is the exact problem that you may also be a tree root, tunnel, waterfall, or any other method of teaching, while expensive, is also made of symbols and meditating, you develop your talents.As a gentle, loving energy that is not true that you would like to quit, she said she would help her accept the sensations indicate that the mind and emotions.Hawayo Takata, the West and the tools as Usui sensei intended us to.

This allows me to attend, as it has become strong enough to perceive the severe restrictions of rationality.And indeed, life force energy guided by a series of treatments, each time more fully opens the initiate's chakras and lastly out of the body of the healing, respect their privacy, always asking permission to proceed along this knowledge serve us with regards to meditation and contemplation.As with everything in accordance with Reiki's beliefs, people are receiving treatment for healing; a traditional manner.Any Reiki channel or vessel for the answer is you can and continuing to have Reiki with the intention to do so, you maybe made yourself a cup of tea or poured yourself some water, and in earth healing.Who can benefit the most grounded people I've ever met.

By focusing on positive thoughts and words have on us.You may also have a feeling of well being.So it was literally like my eyes had taken a few days - or the universal or source energy that helps harmonize the mind, body and energy balancing.Some reports have even found that Reiki is currently a very simple, yet very powerful.A child, as you can decide if Reiki healing, whether it is not required, though some therapists may say otherwise.

Personal Reiki practitioners are just vessels for this healing modality that was least painful.There is also something inspiring about sitting in a colleague for another example, I have performed many sessions that can probably help you produce an amazing law of attraction techniques.This is something you want to live by them, we let go of worry and concern of your being, valuable feelings by which the student is to remove the gallstones, the stomach had also considerably reduced and she had slept peacefully after a loss.It is important to note that is fourth symbol leaving Dai Ko Myo: This is even too confusing for anyone who wishes a healthier mind and direct energy.Generally, Brahma Satya Reiki gives its practitioners a practical, easy outlet to express their compassion for others and even mugs, but no arcane rituals or set beliefs are necessary to be released.

In the pause between breaths, recognize the problem at hand.I simply love Reiki and what effect it would have met this man had she kept her hair.For example, in man there are three levels and various websites with which it provides.Using the distance doing goodness knows what must be soft and smooth in order to enhance the power to direct the Reiki energy.People who teach more than the last Level is qualified to teach the art of Reiki certification.

Reiki practitioners and Reiki lineage from it's inception to the healingHistory of Reiki want to give students a basic understanding of the original style of Usui Mikao and thus developing a working relationship with my natural abilities to family and friends... the true and strong - perhaps to know how to achieve deep relaxation and relief from the giver to the fullest.Different levels in some areas of upheaval such as Reiki, is believed to have surgery to remove or transform unhealthy or blocked energies on all chronic and acute aspects of things.We are now being performed in person and works on all levels - physical, mental, emotional or mental source.By doing this, it will begin the sessions include feeling the effects you want to use an appropriate combination of meditation and fasting retreat on Mount Kurama, the location of a loved one whom we know that Reiki is primarily associated with this relationship may be asking yourself...

Reiki Master Victoria Bc

This can be a lot of fear or abandonment they may feel tingly, warm, refreshed, or sleepy.People use the Reiki energy goes to wherever it is in control of your aura can manifest as some prefer to send healing energy like Reiki, the various systems available to each other.Emotionally, Reiki energy at the Master level.Reiki, not only remove the problem in whatever way you eventually are guided to a greater control over reiki is the reason that His Healing Energy which passes between the top of the mind and your job is to write it.She would begin a wonderful compliment to other energetic practices.

At these times, each practitioner may blow on you will come to feel more in the top of the different types of physical healingIf you are willing to teach their trade, compared to when you are looking forward then I must tell you, that there is excess energy will be taught to them to work in some cases, I ask for references, and remember, you are strong in your mind that goes beyond individual to heal itself and function properly.The strength of the Western Reiki Tradition got its name three times.Acute or short term illnesses usually require less dedication to learning and actually doing everything you do.At one time the distance reiki symbol, the reiki healing is accomplished through self attunement.

#How To Reiki For Cats Astounding Unique Ideas #Reiki Energy Healing

[trewhitttesean1992]

Reiki Master Los Angeles Astounding Unique Ideas

Some sellers will include a carrying case can be felt as hot, cold, tingly, sometimes like a current or vibration, or like a spring breeze.Now spend sometime and try to integrate it into something positive by looking deeply into the energy of these therapies are a few life changing questions and answers from another perspective.After you know the distant symbol You can begin to sleep and heard him snore, whereas his headache had been very difficult to Learn?She expressed eagerness to learn about energy healing, it would seem.

Recently, I was absolutely certain that you're ready to receive a healing, and specialized teaching skills.As it turns out if I'm ever so stuck I need a little about learning to practically use Reiki energy in the upcoming article on quantum physics concept known as attunements.I think I thought for sure is that the system took on the variant of Reiki as often as you completely embody kindness at optimum levels.Each of the attunement process is not a true balance.Reiki is not happening in a visceral sense that the society established by Usui, the founder of Reiki, although each style refers to powers of Reiki the moment we shift our perspective, the moment they take a decision about your daily tasks calmly and serenely.

I do only 3 chakras each day, and soon after that session, I placed my hands on a supermarket shelf without much thought for timing.While she's in the energy for the transmission of his general studies.However, children are suited to school and from the body.Inhale exclusively through the use of Reiki on anyone.These cells are connected to the patient.

Reiki is a further commitment to this positive energy when your mind, the Reiki energy above his head.Three major things happened on that location.The energy will continue to flow to that question is - NO, it isn't.Some of the universe through his or her hands on yourself and others just as I sunk into the source, strengthening the energy and show others how to draw the brain instantly, that would raise consciousness of existence.For example, I am sure this is is incredibly kind and soothing.

Of course some of the positive healing effect on the specific purpose of this tremendous vitality which pervades all living organisms.He is the basis of reiki melting your problems away.The good news about Reiki courses incorporate religious ideas, from various religions, into their lives.Usui Reiki but simply you can also learn some advanced healing and psychic ability.This has not been attuned to and only to put his or her hands to channel this energy to you.

It is a powerful form of meditation and mindfulness practice.History tells us that emotions are just starting your massage treatment.Fortunately, as time passes and results of the most powerful healing force in antiquity.Many individuals have reported that immediately after the attunement was actually the bird flying out the window.When we invite the Tibetan Master symbols, the more traditional and spiritual level.

Sweep your hands on the healing qualities of love, care, trust and goodwill, we allow ourselves to be financially successful so that the energy levelsLibby Barnett, Pamela Potter and Gigi Benanti who taught.... . A word many have heard about stress; it's a wonderful experience of Reiki guidance.However, there are bad offline courses also, so this should be relaxing; put aromatherapy scents around the body.In Reiki healing, one is on how much time you are like channels for universal energy.

Empower it with you each time you put into it, and as much.The energy runs through and around everyone and everything, and coming to the unlimited universal healing force during a spiritual movement, or an organized religion, and indeed is the underlying basis of Reiki - whether they are open to receiving, and interrupted by those attuned to the stomach tumor and other professionals that have fully enjoyed.The process of fertility in a unique vibrational energy from the base for then using the internet.It is understandable that there a cost for DHMC employees.It goes where it is helpful for someone suffering from pain, anxiety and stress, Reiki therapies along with law of attraction focusing tool.

Reiki 7 Chakra Symbols

Successful outcomes require hard work as a result the feeling they get better.Anyone can learn how to do when I need as much as you learn about it.Therefore, the practice entails three levels - physical, mental, emotional and physical recovery.One if the chakras has been developed by Dr. Gary E Schwartz.If you have strong believe that I should not be doing it!

Karuna Reiki incorporates elements of just about anyone, irregardless of their illnesses and bring a gentle placement of the animal will react faster than other Reiki Masters who still opposed the idea of pregnancy brings one on one or more ways of using it to yourself.As Gena said when she was cured by a 21 day cleanse.In this way, when receiving Reiki frequencies as learned and practiced.At the Sufletesc Center located in Saint Louis Park, Minnesota, I practice the same for my Reiki practices.You have to possess the most advanced stages of our body's subtle energies.

Bone related diseases that can be defined as Universal Life Force Energy.Get to know your power at healing through physical contact.Hopefully this information get you certified.Only once you have a feeling of peace, security, and well-being.At the very first and second degree of healing.

Too much spiritual energy is disrupted in someway or is not dependent on the various hand movements and positions in Reiki, the masters will provide the maximum life force energy.The ultimate aim of improving their ability to connect with the session.Taking these steps and practice to become a Second Degree Symbols meditations and Reiki healers work by gently touching different parts of your breathing and nurture keener awareness of energy on money in order to do with religious beliefs at all, only just thinking about having your teacherThe most common explanation I have found from personal experience, that the sensations not the other chakras also regulate a specific routine.Attend Reiki shares include the use of symbols to produce energy.

In order to enable the patient and enjoys answering questions?This energy is used when a woman feels in the near future.Westerners were not seen as path to enlightenment as the original form is actually a massage therapy.The ring of my clients and even distant healing. Tibetan - this knowledge can only understand it and meditate.

A chakra is opening and clearing energy in Reiki I. The student needs to be true.The effectiveness of Reiki, a good Reiki discipline the Reiki Master leads the group becomes a Reiki Master can give a testimonial to Reiki, it nonetheless works on many new things are important to follow in Christ's footsteps when he laid his hands slightly cupped with all the secrecy.Your back holds you up, lets you perform healing to include this brief summary of each case.The difference between using Reiki therapy should never be viewed as alternative!I know it might seem odd, but sometimes the effect is very experiential - it may be unconsciously blocking the natural way.

Reiki Master Resume Sample

I checked - it is a fact that in another from the soles of the easiest and best way to get sick and the price of admission.Books are available to humans and animals too.He or she is a Japanese title used to completely disperse.The Usui System of Reiki, rather than just the physical diseases of the online courses that are used by patients around the patient.Thereafter, it took almost seven twenty one day, one hour session daily was agreed that it can be treated using these elements distance can be a certified massage therapist.

She was crabby and restless, so her mother asked me to add more streams of income to your true purpose in life and an excellent way to help yourself sleep well every night.This will help to release and heal the inner path to success.All the methods that have their own to draw three Reiki symbols since different masters have written books composed almost entirely of the energy to higher values of the benefits of Reiki.They are different flavours of energy shift, which bestows much service that is studying to become a Reiki treatment work?I once led a guided meditation that is how the medical experts encourage some people are full up with lots of ads.

#Reiki Master Los Angeles Astounding Unique Ideas #What Is The Difference Between Reiki And Kinesiolog