#like my sister is like: i sacrificed so much for my mom and i saw her downslide into death

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#tis i! tragic daughter one of three! #motherless at age 26 #the last wake was today and this was more fun than the 1st. more casual. my moms childhood friends were there #ans it was fun to catch up with my uncle and his side of the family #i feel so weird tho. bc ppl r asking how we r and like genuinely i feel fine most of the time #like my sister is like: i sacrificed so much for my mom and i saw her downslide into death #and im like yea i fucked off to [redacted state] and showed uo after the horrible part was over #and bc im finally on medication i really feel better than i have possibly ever. so its just weird #weird to br at my mother's wake and think: god ive wasted so much fucking time being miserable. i dont want to do that anymore #and i feel like thats an option now. i mean ill always be frustrated by the same things. the difficulty reading and focusing #and the lack of social ease. but it feels like less of a big deal now #i say that now before im entrenched in school again. but idk. its just weird #but idk i love my mom but there was distance there and i have weird insect brain which i think makes it hurt less #i dunno. maybr ill feel it more later. when im on my own again #its just that i never reached out to her. i didnt realy on her and she didnt reach out to me so now things won't change much #i dunno. well see #unrelated

[hoodharlow]

Safety Net

AN: honestly idk it was going in one direction then i went off course lmao

Requested? No

Warnings: they’re both being fucking stubborn lmao, Jack says something stupid in front of Mami Maggie but she calls him out, and solo smut at the end lollll

Word Count: 4.6k words

Maggie eyed her oldest son as he fixed his hoodie to conceal his face. She rolled her eyes and pushed the cart. He followed behind her, looking around the aisle. 

“Stop acting so paranoid. There isn’t a swarm of fans waiting for you around the corner.” she told him, placing a few jars of pasta sauce in her cart. 

“I’m not being paranoid, I’m being cautious.” Jack said. 

His mom rolled her eyes, turning to the next aisle. She popped her head and pointed to the pasta boxes. “Grab some penne noodles.” 

Jack nodded and turned back. He spent a good thirty seconds deciding between the store’s brand version and the one that was two dollars more. He grabbed two boxes of the cheap kind and made his way to his mom. He heard her laugh before he turned the aisle. He frowned, wondering who was making her laugh. He took a peek, cursing when he saw his mom talking to Renata.

It had been three days since they saw each other. After they saw each other at Club Mystique, Renata blocked his number and removed him on instagram. He went to the club before they opened in case she was there but one of the dancers told him off in the parking lot. She threatened to have him banned if he ever showed up like he did. 

“Jack, come here.” Maggie waved him over when she spotted him lurking. “You remember Renata, right babe.”

“Uh, not really mom.” he said, averting his gaze. 

“Jack,” she began, ready to tell him off. 

“It’s fine.” Renata laughed it off. “He’s famous now. He sees tons of faces everywhere. I wouldn’t expect him to remember me. It was nice seeing you miss Harlow, but I have to get going.”

“Bye dear.” Maggie said, pulling her into a hug. “Be safe.”

Renata smiled. She gave Jack a nod and pushed her cart away. 

Jack braced himself, ready for his mom to tell him off. 

“I raised you better than that.” she smacked his arm. “How can you not remember her? You would beg me to get her to tutor you!”

“I didn’t know you surrounded yourself with strippers.” he mumbled loud enough for Maggie to hear him. 

She smacked the back of his neck. “Renata is a nice girl. She sacrificed so much so she could help take care of her brothers and sisters after what happened to parents.”

“What happened to her parents?” he asked feeling even more guilty.

“It’s not my place to talk about.” she said, calmly.

“You’re the one out here justifying her being a stripper not me.” Jack said in a judgmental tone.

“Don’t be a fucking hypocrite, Jack. You don’t think I’ve seen pictures of you at Magic Flame and Blue City when you’re in Atlanta.” 

“It’s Magic City…” he tried correcting her. 

“That’s not the fucking point!” she said in an annoyed tone. “You’re being awfully judgemental and disrespectful of Renata’s job as if you haven’t indulged people in her line of work. I don’t ever want to hear you talk bad about her or any sex worker. You hear me?” 

“Yes ma’am.” he nodded. 

Maggie collected herself and pushed the cart. They got the rest of the groceries and Jack paid for them. They made their way to his mom’s car when he spotted Renata’s car a row ahead of them. 

“Hey mom, can you give me five minutes?” he asked her. 

“Yeah, I was going to get a drink at Starbucks.” she said. 

“I’ll go get you when I’m done.” he said. 

Jack took the empty cart and brought it to the cart corral where the shopping carts go. He made a beeline to Renata’s car. He approached her car from behind as she backed out. She hit the brakes hard, only an inch before she hit him.

“Are you fucking crazy!?” she yelled out the window. 

“Can we talk?” he asked. 

Renata frowned and looked at him like he grew seven heads. 

“Please,” he said. 

“I work tonight. I’ll have a room booked at eleven, don’t be late.” she said before her window went up. Jack took a step back allowing her to back out of the parking spot. Her car window went down once more. “And bring Ollie’s Trolley.”

*

Renata looked out in the crowd once more as she held her pose. She and a few dancers had finished performing their own version of the ‘One in a Million’ song from Miss Congeniality. Her eyes landed on a familiar head of curls. Jack met her gaze and lifted a paper bag from Ollie’s Trolley. She quickly got up and ran back to her dressing room. She ripped off her Statue of Liberty crown and shedded out of its matching latex bodysuit. 

“He’s here.” Tania said in a teasing tone. 

“I know…what is he doing here?” Renata said in a frantic tone.

“Did you not tell him to come?” her friend asked her.

“I didn’t think he’d show!” She exclaimed.

“Girl, I say this with love, but you’re fucking stupid. Of course he was going to show up!” she said, helping Renata with her hair. 

“Ugh, I hate myself. Why did I agree to this?” she sighed as she fixed her bodysuit. 

“Because part of you knows he didn’t do anything wrong and you should hear him out.” Tania said in an older sister tone. 

Renata gave her an unamused look. She zipped up her thigh high boots. 

She would have changed into her tube top and shorts uniform but she had another dance scheduled that required her in a mesh bodysuit with rhinestones. 

"Y'all I just walked Jack Harlow to the Blue Room." Hayleigh, one of the rude bottle girls that had one sided beef with Renata and Tania, said as she changed into a push-up bra. "I knew he'd come back to see me. I mean, hello."

Renata rolled her eyes. She and Tania shared a look through the mirror. Apparently Hayleigh was one of the bottle girls that was in Jack's private room with his friends and he kept asking her for soda water and cranberry juice. Then at the end of the night, he left her a hefty tip. 

"I doubt he came back for you and your uneven eyebrows." Tania said, adjusting her eyelashes. 

"Well who else would he be here for?" Hayleigh asked, putting her hands on her hips.

A stagehand came and motioned to Renata. 

"Babe, the Blue Room is ready for you." She said as she spoke into a headset. 

"I'll be there in a sec." She said, touching up her bold lipstick. She put on her robe and turned to Tania. "Bye."

"Bye girl." 

Renata smoothed the invisible wrinkles around her robe. She fluffed her hair and made her way to the room. It was called the Blue Room because it had a navy blue couch. There wasn't much to it. The room was usually reserved for groups that wanted to indulge in one dancer in private. It was easy money, most of the dancers made the most tips in the room. 

She found Jack sitting in the corner of the couch with his legs stretched out. One arm casually thrown over the back of the couch while he texted with his free hand. Renata would be lying if she didn’t find him attractive. She followed him on Instagram and had seen him mature through the years. But deep down he was still that overly confident guy that sat next to her in class and tried to distract her.

"Hey," he said, sitting up straight and locking his phone. 

"Hi." Renata said, taking a seat a few feet away from him. 

There was an awkward silence. Renata played with a loose string on her robe while Jack scratched his arm. 

"One of the bouncers took the food, apparently it’s against the rules to bring outside food." He said, speaking up first. 

"Crap, I forgot to tell Reggie you were bringing food." Renata said. "Sorry."

"Don’t worry about it." He shrugged her off. 

There was another awkward silence between them. 

"Look," Jack spoke up once more, "I honestly had no clue you worked here, but I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable." 

"Okay." She nodded.  

"That’s it?" He frowned. 

"Yes? Were you expecting an apology of some sort?" She asked him. 

"I mean you made me look like an asshole to everyone at your job." He argued.

"Well I’m fucking sorry that seeing people that I knew when I was younger is triggering for me. I should’ve thought about you and your feelings when I was having a fucking panic attack. Next time someone I know walks through the door and starts harassing me, I’ll make sure their harassments towards me don’t inconvenience you." Renata wiped her tears as she got up. "God, you’re such a dick."

"That's not fair," he began. 

"No! You don’t get to make me feel like shit! You have to know where I’m coming from." She argued. 

"How am I supposed to know where you’re coming from if you don’t tell me shit. You have no right to make me feel bad for not being aware of what happened to you in the last few years. The last time I saw you was at some high graduation pool party boasting about Stanford then I see you here." Jack ran his hand through his curls in frustration. "Obviously nothing is going to get resolved. Have a nice life Ren." 

He pushed himself up from the couch and slammed the door shut. He forgot how irritable and argumentative Renata was. Jack hated it when their English and History classes had debate because he always ended up going against her and lost. He made his way to one of the bars and took a seat in the corner. 

"What can I get you?" The bartender asked him. 

"Sparkling water and cranberry juice please." He said. 

"Hi, handsome, long time no see." The server that had walked him to the room Renata reserved said. "I can show you a better time than the pity hire."

"Your drink is ready," the bartender said, sliding the drink to Jack. She turned to the server. "Can you go collect the empty glasses from the tables? Thank you." 

The server scoffed and made her way to the tables. Jack sipped his drink in silence. He was going to leave but something told him he should stay. He wasn’t sure why, but he was staying. Hours had gone by and it was now three in the morning, closing time. He tipped the bartender, who he later realized was the woman who told him to fuck off after the freak out with Renata. He figured they were close friends since they bickered in Spanish every time Renata came to the bar to get drinks. Not only is she a dancer but she's also a server. 

As Jack walked to his car, he saw Renata standing in the corner in a long puffer coat. It reached halfway down her thighs. She looked down at her phone then up towards the street. Jack looked around the parking lot and didn’t see her car, deducing she was probably waiting for a ride. He knew she was probably going to say no, but he made his way to her. 

"Is your ride almost here?" He asked her. 

"No they just can– oh it's you." She said flatly. 

"I can give you a ride." Jack offered. 

"I’ll take my chances." She said, crossing her arms. 

"Ren,"

"I said no. I would rather wait all night than get in a car with you." She said, turning around. 

"It's late. There aren't many Ubers at this hour. Let me take you home." Jack said defeatedly. 

"Fine only because it's late." She gave in. 

Jack led her to her car and opened the passenger side door for her. Renata mumbled a quick thanks as she climbed in. Jack got in on the driver's side and started the car. He turned the heat on and the seat warmers for her. 

"Do you still live by–"

"No, I live on the opposite side, near Costco. " She said. She pointed at the light. "You turn can here and take the back roads instead of the main street." 

"Got it." Jack nodded as he changed lanes. 

Their drive was mostly silent. Occasionally Renata spoke up to tell when a turn was coming up. Jack knew the area he was taking her. It wasn’t the bad side of town by any means, but it was definitely a downgrade for Renata and her family. He’d been to her old house a few times when he was in high school for tutoring and group projects. Not a lot would get done since Renata would have to get up every so often to check in on her siblings. The house was huge and in the middle of a large property. 

"It’s the blue apartment complex at the next light." She pointed ahead. 

Jack nodded and pulled into the underground parking lot when they reached the building. He went straight to the elevator and he turned off the car, ready to get out, when Renata opened the door herself. She opened her bag and pulled out a huge stack of twenties. 

"Thanks for the ride and this should cover the burger. " She said, handing him a few twenties. 

"It’s fine." He said, pushing the money back to her. 

"Jack, please take it. I don’t like owing people money." She insisted.

"Your whole family lives with you?" He asked, changing the subject.

"I’m leaving this here." Renata placed the money in her seat, completely ignoring him. "Thank you for the ride."

She closed the door and made her way to the elevator. She scanned a card and then pressed a button. The elevator opened seconds later. Jack waited until the doors closed once more before driving home. 

He arrived back to his own apartment and got ready for bed. The following day he woke up around noon and decided to hit up his favorite diner. He dressed in some green sweatpants and a grey hoodie. He added a black puffer coat since it was beginning to snow. The diner was less than twenty minutes from his place. There were several closer but he liked that one because it was pretty far and not many tourists frequent it. It’s more for locals. It was also where he and Renata would go to study when she didn’t have to watch her siblings. 

He parked and made his way inside. He waved to Dotty, an elderly woman who owned the diner with her daughters, and went to sit in a booth in the back. Dotty was very friendly and made sure no one bothered him whenever he was at her diner. She was also a no nonsense type of woman and made sure to put Jack in his place for acting a little too silly. 

He caught a familiar figure stomp passed him. Renata. He cursed and pulled on his hoodie in hopes that it covered his face. He heard her mutter something in Spanish then she sat in the booth next to him. 

“He said he was going to have it ready this morning and his ass didn’t show up until two hours after he was supposed to open the shop. He’s so incompetent and unprofessional.” Jack heard Renata as she talked on the phone. There was a pause and she spoke up, “No, I’m treating myself to some french toast and a milkshake.” 

“What will be, hun?” Dotty asked Jack. He cleared his throat and ordered a dressed cheeseburger with fries and milkshake in a low voice, so low Dotty couldn’t hear him. “Jack, I’m gonna need you to speak up. I can’t hear you.”

“What I always get,” he said. 

“Hun, you’re not my only customer. I don’t have your order memorized.” she said, tapping her notepad with her pen. 

“A cheeseburger with fries and a vanilla milkshake, oh and a side of ranch.” he said. 

“See that wasn’t so hard.” the elderly woman said. “Comin’ right up.” 

She moved on to Renata’s table and took her order. She got the french toast breakfast combo that came with eggs, sausage and hash browns. She also got a side of fries and an oreo milkshake. Dotty nodded and walked away. 

Renata turned back and frowned. “Are you following me?” 

“I’m not following you!” Jack whisper-yelled.

“Then what the fuck are you doing here?” she asked. 

“Eating, it’s a fucking diner.” he argued back. He grabbed his coat and went to her booth. 

“No! Go back to your table!” she pointed behind her. 

“No.” he said. He awkwardly stood up and waved to Dotty. “I’m sitting with my friend.”

“Jack, these aren't musical chairs for you to move around as you please.” the older woman said, not even looking at his direction. 

“Where’s your friend?” Renata asked. 

“Can we start fresh?” Jack asked instead of answering her. He extended his hand out to her. “I’m Jack.”

Renata took it and awkwardly shook it. “I’m Renata.”

“What do you do for a living?” He leaned back and placed his hand on the table. 

“I’m a server and dancer at Club Mystique.” she answered him, playing with the straw wrapper. 

“And how does one become…” Jack paused, trying to form a sentence so he wouldn’t offend her..

Dotty came back with a large tray with their food. “Anything else I can get you?” she asked them. 

“We’re good for now thank you.” Renata answered for them. 

“Just holler if you need anything.” the older woman said. 

Jack watched Renata shrug off her parka and reached for the small bottle of green Tabasco hot sauce, sprinkling some on her eggs. She squirted ketchup all over her eggs and added a huge dollop of it on her fries. She quietly began to eat while Jack lifted the top bun of his burger and added some ranch on it. He looked up and saw her making a grossed out face at him. 

“What?” he asked. 

“I forgot how much you like ranch.” she said, making a face. 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Jack took a huge bite out of his burger. 

Renata gave the ‘sure Jan’ look and went back to eating. They ate in a comfortable silence. There was obvious tension, but it wasn’t to the point where it was nauseating and they needed to get away from each other. 

“You know, working at Club Mystique wasn’t my first choice.” Renata said after a while. She dipped a fry into her milkshake and chewed thoughtfully. “After I was forced to close down the restaurant–”

“You closed the restaurant?” Jack asked. 

“Yeah, after my parents got deported–”

“Your parents got deported? He stared at her, eyes wide and confused.

“Did you not know?” 

He shook his head in response. 

“Oh.” she said quietly. She felt her cheeks warm up. 

“You don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable.”

“It’s not that…wow, I’m sorry. I really came for your throat and you were clueless the whole time.” 

Jack shrugged. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. I jumped to conclusions and I was so hard-headed on being right. I genuinely am sorry for all of that.” Renata apologized. 

Jack reached for one of her hands and gave her a reassuring squeeze. “I promise you it's all good. I’m glad we got that out of the way and can start fresh. Alright?” 

“Yeah, whatever you say.'' She nodded, smiling. 

They went back to finishing their meals during which Renata told him everything that happened to her parents and how she became a server to make ends meet. Jack admired her for it. She didn’t have to step up and do all that, but she did. He felt angry at her parents and everyone who turned their back on her family. Her family was well known and did a lot for the community. They later changed the topic and Jack got to know Renata more. 

Her phone buzzed. She scrambled to get it out of the many pockets in her parka. She scanned the message and smiled, replying. She looked up at Jack apologetically. 

“I have to go, my car is ready at the shop and . I have to pick it up.” she began. 

“Do you need a ride?” he offered. 

“No, it’s just across the street. Thank you though.” she said, pulling out a stack of twenties to pay for her food.

“I got it this time.” Jack said, covering her hand with his whole hand. 

“Okay,” she nodded. She put on her parka and slid out of her seat. She fixed her bag and turned to him. “Come to the club and I’ll repay you then.”

***

Renata felt a familiar pair of blues on her. Her smile grew as she dropped to her knees and rolled her hips, keeping eye contact with Jack. She got on all fours as another dancer backed into her and rocked her hips against Renata’s ass. The song ended and all the other dancers posed as money rained over them. Renata got up and rushed to the dressing room. 

She was nervous. She hadn’t seen in over two weeks. It was now mid February. Earlier she saw that he posted about visiting their old high school. He had texted her asking if she was going to be in the club. She wasn’t, but she switched shifts with another dancer so she could see him. 

“I see why you traded shifts with Larisa.” Tania said.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Renata said, putting on her uniform. 

“Oh please everyone saw you two eye fuck each other while you were dancing and he watched. Admit it.” her friend said. 

“We’re just friends.” she insisted. 

“Whatever you say.” she sang-song.

Renata rolled her eyes and touched up her makeup. 

“Ren, the Blue Room is ready.” a stage hand said before signaling to other dancers to get ready for the next dance routine. 

The Blue Room had become Jack’s designated room for him and Renata to hang out. Whenever he’d go visit Renata at the club. He’d reserve an hour and they would just talk and hang out. It was also the most expensive room and Renata told him about the other cheaper rooms he could reserve, but he didn’t care. 

“Thank you.” she nodded. She looked over to Tania and averted her eyes. “Don’t.” 

“I didn’t even say anything.” she said defensively.

“Te conozco.” she said as she tied her sneakers. They were a pair of all white New Balance 550s. The owners let the servers wear sneakers instead of heels as long as they were white. 

Renata walked out of the dressing room and went to the Blue Room. Jack was already there nursing his sparkling water and cranberry juice. 

“Hey.” he said, getting up to hug her. 

“Hi.” she said, hugging him back. 

They went to the couch. They jumped into conversation. Jack caught her up in latest trip. He had a few shows and was in Florida for some celebrity flag football event. Renata liked listening to his stories when he’s traveling. Mostly because she couldn’t believe the guy that would sit next to her in classes was now a well known celebrity. He could have hundreds of millions of fans but to her he’s still the overly confident guy that used to make her laugh in class that she had a crush on. 

Their hour ended sooner than they expected. They always somehow lost track of time. Jack usually hung back in the main lounge until closing time while Renata finished her shift. At first he felt a bit uncomfortable when she would go on stage for the group numbers, but Renata reassured him it’s fine. She joked that was when he was allowed to look at her disrespectfully. 

“Refill?” Tania asked Jack when he approached the bar. 

“Yes please.” He nodded. 

Tania poured his drink and passed it to him. 

Jack sat back and sat in his little bubble on his phone. Since he had become a regular, he was allowed to be on his phone as long as he wasn’t recording. Renata came by and handed Tania a drink order for a group. He watched her walk back to the group, paying extra attention to her ass as she bent down to hand the drinks. He felt a hard smack on his head. 

“Ow!” he said, turning to Tania. 

“Don’t oggle my best friend.” she said as she wiped the counter. 

“I wasn’t.” Jack denied.

“Mhm sure.” 

Before he could muster up a lie, Renata came back and put her tray back. The last group number was coming up and she had to go change. The stage lights were on as stagehands placed chairs on the stage. A few minutes later passed and the lights dimmed. The beginning of ‘Safety Net’ played as the dancers made their way to their chairs. 

Jack immediately spotted Renata. She wore a dark red mesh catsuit with small rhinestones all over. He kept his gaze on her watching her every move. The song was pretty slow and didn’t have a complex routine. The dancers mainly sat on their chairs and moved their arms around in sync. But that didn’t stop Jack from getting hard from watching Renata move her hands all over her body.

The dance routine ended and the owners announced that it was closing time. All the patrons got up and moved to the exit. Jack waited until everyone left before he went to his car. He had parked next to Renata’s car. She came out a while later with Reggie behind her. When he saw Jack was waiting for her, he went back to escort the other dancers. 

They resumed their conversation from earlier. They unknowingly moved closer to each other to share body heat. Renata dropped her eyes to his lips then looked back at him, hoping he’d get the hint. He leaned forward and placed his warm hand on her. He slowly inched to her mouth when a car alarm went off. 

“I gotta go, but text me when you’re home. Yeah?” he asked her, rubbing his knuckles against her cheek.

“Yeah.” she nodded. 

Jack opened her car door and held it for her as she climbed inside. He closed it and watched her sped off. 

Renata got home and texted Jack right before she got in the shower. Every night after working at the club she took a shower because no matter what she did she always got body glitter on her. She got dressed in an oversized t-shirt and a pair of panties. She wasn’t tired so she reached for a book in her growing pile of unread books she had next to her bed. But she couldn't concentrate on her book. Her mind was flooded with thoughts of Jack. It wasn’t rare for her to have these thoughts, but she knew she shouldn’t have them since Jack was her friend. 

Renata propped herself against her pillows and let her mind wonder. She played with her breasts a little, squeezing them, gently pulling her nipples. After she teased herself a bit, her hands wandered down her body until they reached her panties. She slipped them off and rubbed herself. She imagined Jack was the one touching her. 

Her mind went back to their almost kiss and how he caressed her cheek with his knuckle. A simple gesture shouldn’t have her dripping for him, but it did. She immediately moaned out for him as she got closer to climax. She pulled her fingers out and reached for her vibrator. She set it to the lowest setting and slid her fingers inside once more. She whimpered and cried his name when she came. She increased the speed and rubbed it all over her. her moans and whimpers got louder as she came. 

Once her high faded, she turned off her vibrator and went to sleep, dreaming that Jack was touching her once more. 

Taglist: @cherryxcreme​ @heavyhitterheaux​ @carma-fanficaddict​ @youngharleezyxo​ @youngharleezy​ @babyharleezy​ @that-90s-girllll​ @alinaharlow​ @whywontyoulovemecami​ @meyocoko​ @harlowcomehome​ @nattinatalia​ @webinurcloset​ @gassyandsassy1​ @jackharloww​ @awhore4moree​ @noescapricho-essentimiento​ @a-moment-captured​   @livsters​ @velvetstreets

#iwssa #jack harlow #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow angst #jack harlow smut

[kayla-2]

I’ll be honest. A post you made popped up on my dashboard so I went to your profile to see other posts you’ve made about ACOTAR.

After about 15 minutes of doom scrolling, I realized something. I never saw a post about what you thought about Nesta saving Nyx, Rhys, and Feyre is ACOSF.

I know you’re an anti-Nesta fan. But I find it hard to believe that any pro-Feyre fans couldn’t appreciate what Nesta did to save her sister and nephew. Especially after completing the Blood Rite and dealing with the Cassian/Briallyn situation like 15 minutes before getting to the River House. I’m pretty sure that would knock anyone on their ass.

Now I’ll be the first to admit that Nesta is no saint. She has said and done things I don’t agree with. I also understand, on a certain level, some of her actions. I think her plan with Thomas was to lighten the load for her family. As one less mouth to feed, it was intended to lighten the family’s load. I also firmly believe that Nesta’s mom was grooming her for the vast majority of her childhood. And that type of abuse is not so easily healed. Also, Elain and Feyre have had their own shares of nastiness.

- Elain’s reaction to how Nesta was not adjusting well after being taken to the HoW and being forced to detox cold turkey made me realize how truly childish and naive she was to her sister’s suffering. Also, the fact that Elain was “pretty” and “quiet” during her suffering was deemed acceptable and the fact that she never contributed to the family’s situation in cabin is just glossed over.

- The constant Nesta bashing carried out by IC when Feyre was present always grated on me. I think it bothered me most because Feyre never defended her sister, like, not even a little. I also find absolutely comedic that the IC are all 500+ but take Feyre’s POV as the gospel truth. Surely they know better than to only seek one version of a story…

Honestly, I like Nesta. I know it’s hard for some people to see and that’s totally fine. That being said, if Nesta was truly as horrid as some people make her out to be, she could have let Feyre die during childbirth and taken Rhys out too. But she didn’t.

I’m not looking to throw hands or anything lol. So please don’t take this as an attack. I’m just truly curious to see what your opinion was concerning Nesta’s sacrifice for Feyre, Rhys, and Nyx. And to see how you think it will play out in the coming books.

I can’t speak for all feyre stans, just me. N.esta “sacrifice” was nothing more than an answer to an already unnecessary plot moment. No one wants her to sacrifice anything, I just need basic respect towards her little sister. The pregnancy and all it’s complications only happened to move feysand out the way so n.esta can finally be useful and “go up the mountain”… it’s quite obvious since cassian was healed after having a worse injury. If the pregnancy was actually for Feyre and feysand plotline I would be much more appreciative

Its barely a sacrifice when n.esta didn’t care or train her powers. Feyre spent all her life sacrificing for n.esta so I would barely call it a favor. I do not care about the IC bashing n.esta the few times they did and Feyre unnecessarily defended n.esta on multiple occasions, please reread. She has the most nice things to say about n.esta. If n.esta can’t handle people not liking her maybe she should be nicer to their family (feyre) or don’t. I don’t get why everyone has to be nice and she can say whatever she wants.

N.esta also admitted to pushing elain away and literally blamed her for their fathers death. What is elain suppose to do? Again, why is she allowed to do these things but everyone else needs to be a saint. Since Feyre returned, Elain apologized, was happy to see her sister alive, and actually works to fix her relationship with feyre and don’t degrade her unlike n.esta so she would be treated nicer it’s common sense. People aren’t punching bags and she couldn’t get any friends or new “sisters” until she respected people which again.. it’s common sense

And point to the part of a.cosf where n.esta disagrees that she treated feyre poorly, how is the inner circle only taking Feyres side of the story when they see n.esta with their own two eyes. She confirmed Feyre story, added more, and truthfully admitted that she didn’t deserve Feyre.

Y’all have to admit that y’all wanted n.esta to be able to treat people however she wants and they have to remain dutiful and nice and patient while offering unlimited support.

#anti nesta #pro Feyre #acotar #Kayla ask #Kayla answers

[dirtytransmasc]

the little warrior (spider fic)

What if spider sacrificed himself for jake? what if his family was forced to watch him die? what would spider see in his afterlife?

based off of this post

mother/father is ronal and tonowari, mom/dad is zdog and quaritch. It just feels right in my soul. I didn't beta this, I tried, got bored, and y'all are gonna just have to be ok with that. more notes at the end. 

The shock of spider taking a bullet for jake was enough to stop the entire battlefield in its tracks. Think hector and patrolcus; the RDA had messed with spider a few times before and each time they learned only one thing came form messing with spider, and that was carnage. Spider was the heart and soul of the little platoon, he held it all together, bringing once enemies into one family. They knew that touching a hair on his head would get them all killed, but killing him? They knew to start saying their prayers. The intent was to kill jake, collapse the unit; whether it happened then and there or shortly after the fact, it hadn’t mattered to them. But now there was little hope any of them would make it out of there alive. 

The first to react was Ao’nung, his instinct to protect his baby brother cutting through the shock and hazy disbelief. He has to push past jake to get to his brother before he hits the ground, screaming, curses and prayers alike, all the while. He knows spider knew what he was doing, saw his face ease as he saw jake turn around unscathed, he hated it, hated how selfless his brother was, wanted to scream at him for being so stupid (he never dropped his grudge with jake, it had been months since spider became his brother, but he would never forget what led up to it). But as the fear and adrenaline catch up with spider, his face freezing up as he registered the pain, he can't help but pull him closer and slowly to the ground, trying to ignore the sharp smell of blood, his brother's blood. It’s ok, it’s ok, mama will fix it, I promise she’ll make it better. He frantically hummed an answer, clinging to him as pain blossomed in his chest like a crude burn.

Their parents and sister are quick to follow - a war-seasoned chief, a tsahik, and a healer in training - all 3 trying to stay calm for their son and brother, but its hard when the light and life is so quickly draining from his face. 

he tries to talk to them but between the pain and the blood pooling in his lungs, he can't get anything out. he seeks his mother's hand and his father's touch, but he can't ask for it and his strength is waning so he can't reach for it either. All he can do is listen to his mother's cries, and  focus on his sister's hands on his legs or his father's big hands on his chest. he knows his brother's holding his head up, he tries desperately to keep his eyes open, to follow his coaxing, even if he would much rather settle into the warmth of his hands and let sleep take him. But he knows it would upset him if he went without a fight, that it would break his parents hearts.

His mother is be praying desperately, unable to pull herself way from her child, but her mind too clouded with grief to do much else. Same with his sister though she was attempting to apply what her mother had taught her. His father and brother could only focus on the blood, all the blood, pouring from his chest and his mouth and nose; that and the tears they couldn't wipe because of the mask he so desperately needed. He felt his father trying to keep pressure on the wound but the bleeding went deeper then he could have any effect on, and ao'nung was trying to keep spider airway open so he didn't drown on the blood pooling in his mouth. It hurt. He wanted it to end.

spider can see from just behind his mother, jake and neytiri in each others embrace watching with distant eye as he suffers the same fate as neteyam. it made him feel sorta guilty, but if jake was alive, the battle would live on, and his family had a chance at peace. 

more faces, voices rather, join the scene. he hears his dad, hears reyzi screaming, but she doesn't grow closer. quaritch was struggling to hold her back, begging through his own tears for her to calm, that she could see him, she just needed to be calm for her brother. ravi and ro'eyk are standing next to their adoptive dad, ravi leaning into his arm, seemingly numb, though his anger is boiling him alive, and he's one wrong move away from ripping his skin off and using it to strangle his brothers killer to death. ro'eyk is similar to his brother, the craze in his eyes multiplying by the second as he is forced to watch his baby brother bleed out.

its quaritch who approaches his greiving family first, tapping tonowari's shoulder, their eyes meeting. 

he's too far gone - both of their respective glances say, though neither can voice it. "there's no exit wound, the bleeding is in his lungs," tonowari says quietly, trying to avoid the children's ears "the bleeding is slow, but the damage is done. it won't be quick, but he won't make it back to camp either…" 

quaritch nods, he couldn’t think about how much time his boy had left, or more so, how little. he kneels next to his son, the siblings gathering at his sides. Reyzi takes her brother’s hand, trying to smile when he weakly squeezes back; Ravi nudges against ao’nung, the two had grown close, helping the other boy shift their brother to lay between them; ro’eyk clings close to his dad, one hand holding onto him, the other on spiders leg. 

The sounds are so intense, people speaking, crying, praying, begging. everyone’s moving around him, people are moving him, someones putting pressure on the wound and it hurts like hell. 

his eyes float around; first to his dad, he’s crying, fingers fiddling with the braid behind his ear, miles had put in himself, the beads he carved by hands, spider never took it out. then to his brother’s, seeing his 2 big brothers embracing eachother, ao’nung hiding his face into the crook of ravi’s neck, both boys desperately trying to stay strong, ro’eyk eyes were analyzing him, trying to find a solution, because he was never one to back down. Then it was his mother and father that he looked to, the pain in his mothers eyes as she prayed to Eywa, as she held onto his body as if to hold him there; he’d never seen his father so distraught, like all his strength and was gone, his face no longer holding a sense of calm, there was only pain and anger now. His sisters both held a sense of rage, one he was very familiar with, reyzi wasn’t afriad to turn her anger on the world, but tsireya? He can’t think of a time he’s ever seen her truly angry, let alone filled with wrath, and he feels sorry that his death will introduce to such a horrible feeling. he tries to focus on jake and neytiri, but end up falling on the sully kids, more tears forming in his eyes; he was leaving them again, he was leaving lo’ak alone, kiri without her person, tuk with one less big brother, again. his breaths come fast and he starts to shake as sobs force their way out of his broken body realizes they’re all here, they’re all going to watch him die. 

he's scared, he feels so alone, despite being surrounded by people, because his vision is going and he can barely feel or hear a thing. he just wants to be held, he doesn't care about the wound anymore, he just wants someone to make the cold and pain go away. 

he must have made some sort of noise, a sign of discomfort because the aching stopped; whoever had been putting pressure on the wound let up a little, then his dad is talking to him, leaning over him to speak into his ear, I love you, he says gently, trying to hide the shake in his voice, I love you so much, and spider wants to say it back, he wants to cling to his dad and beg him to make it stop, but he can only stare up at him, weakly nod his head, let the tears fall down his cheeks. He hates this, he hates it so much. 

He closes his eyes for just a second, trying to ease the tired ache in them, but then he hears his mother shriek, feels her hands on his face, my son, she cries over and over again, great mother please, please do not take him. He feels his gut churn as he remembers what neytiri had said the day she lost neteyam. He watches his father try to comfort her, but he knows it would be no use, nothing quells the pain of a mother’s grief. 

He tries to speak again, but chokes, and his chest burns with something awful, he feels his brothers tense beneath him, sobs coming from the younger of the two. He wants to tell her that its ok, to bring her comfort like she has for him the last few months, anything to bring her any amount of ease. Shhh, my child, it’s ok, don’t speak, his father comforts, not even attempting to hide his pain, only focusing on easing his child. Spider tries to not be angry, tries not to scream at the situation; he’s dying and he can’t even say goodbye to his family, can’t talk to them, his body won’t let him, they won’t let him try, it’s not fair. 

There’s movement at his side, his dad is leaving, he doesn’t want him to go. His eyes track him as he scoots behind his brothers, both like his sons in one way or another, wrapping an arm around both of them, ro’eyk joining there little group hug. Reyzi stays where she is, holding his hand, and the gap left by his dad and brother is filled by his mom, 2 of the strongest woman he has ever known embracing eachother like life lines. He’s really happy to see her, he just wishes she wasn’t crying. 

She doesn’t hesitate from kissing the top of his head, pressing her forehead against the mask, the gap between their faces made by the glass lets him see the anguish on her face. How’s my strong boy doing, she says, trying to smile, lighten the mood, despite the pain it causes her. He’d say he’s right as rain, just like she did, but he knew he couldn’t, didn’t think it was worth trying. So he did his best to push into her, to make his need for her comfort known, pulling a sob from his lips as he strained to be closer. She peppered any skin she could get to with kisses, knowing she couldn’t hug him or hold him as she wanted, not without hurting him even more. I’m so sorry, my little soldier, I’m so so sorry, she says to him, as she tries to figure ouu where to put her hands, settling them against the sides of his face. He doesn’t want her to be sorry, his choice is what got him here, her being there wouldn’t have stopped him. 

He hears ikran, assumes the other recoms had spotted the vigil from the skies. He’s pretty sure he heard his mom say something about them letting her go to her boy while they handled the remaining RDA soldiers who hadn’t given up. He saw all of them, all their ikran too, that was good, that meant his family was ok, all of them, that was good. 

Mansk and lyle had gotten close to the sully kids, lo’ak in particular, as kiri was more often too busy her own world to pay them any mind, and neytiri kept tuk close to her, so spider wasn’t surprised when he saw his brother break from jakes hold, running into mansk’s side, accepting lyles arm to hold onto as well. Kiri followed, now that she knew she could in fact wander from her parents grasp without getting pulled back, though she went to zdog instead of following her brother, sitting opposite to reyzi. Hey monkey boy, he wished she said it like she aways did, not in the sad defeated voice that she had. though one thing was the same as always, she had her hand over his heart; she said he was na’vi in his heart, that his body didn’t matter, that to eywa, he would be her child just as much as she and their siblings and the rest of their family were. 

The thought brought him comfort, that he would be with eywa soon, with the people his family had lost over the years. He didn’t want to trade out one for the other, and he definitely didn’t want to think about his family joining him, but there was some amount of peace easing his heart to calm, his breath to come a little slower. Part of him knew that shock was taking hold of him, but chose to let it happen rather then fight it, the calm eased his pain, the lack fo fear let his muscles relax. 

He could tell people were shifting again, which meant more goodbyes, more words he couldn’t understand, more tears. He thinks its jake at his side now, neytiri behind him, tuk somewhere in the mix (he can hear her voice, though he can’t see her). I’m so sorry kid, shouldn’t have been you, you should have let it happen… none of this should have happened… I’m sorry I didn’t apologize sooner. Hearing jake apologize was weird, he never expected one, part of him wanted to keep thinking he didn’t deserve one, cause it was easier to forget what his life used to be like, then to dwell on it. Then tuk was hugging his neck before he could even form a reaction to what jake had said, forcing him to change his chain of thought to her; she shouldn’t be here, not on a battlefield, not watching another brother die, he wanted to push her off, tell her to run and keeping running till she was free of the smoke and rubble. I don’t want yout to go, you already left once, why are you leaving again? She asks, and he has no answer. Why was she still here? 

Someone pulled her away and lo’ak took her place, he looked conflicted, and spider knew why; he didn’t want to regret his last words. Lo’ak was haunted by what he said to neteyam, he didn’t want to suffer that again. I see you, all of you, spider. You will always be my brother, always have been, and no matter what, there was never a moment I didn’t love you, even when I was angry and even if I didn’t act like it, I always love you Spi. even if it was hard, he hung onto every word, he could do that for his brother, after everything, he could do him the decency. He tried to quirk his lips up into a smile, hoping lo’ak would find comfort in it, but lo’ak only started to cry harder, hovering over him, why did you do that, you skawng, though he was probably attempting to scold him, there was no anger in his voice. 

Eventually his brother pulled away, squeezing his shoulder before he rejoined the recoms who were both silently mourning and keep watch over the vigil. they didn’t do goodbyes, so he wasn’t surprised or even disappointed, he almost liked it better this way. He knew they mourned him, knew they would die to avenge him, he didn’t need them to go out of there way to do something that would only bring him more pain. He doesn’t even think he would be able to understand them had they tried.

His last few moments are hazy, his pulse in his ears, and the tears in his eyes so thick he can just barely make out the beginning of eclipse. He knew he was in his father’s arms, he wasn’t talking, not words at least, spider almost thinks he might be humming; it's a song sung to mighty warriors when they fall, as a way to tell them they can rest, that war is over. He knows his mother is next to her mate, sleep now, my little miracle, she's crying, he can barely tell what she's saying, you were the greatest gift I could ever be given, thank you, for being my son, for every moment we shared. his eyes burned, she was thankful for him, when he should be thankful for her, it wasn't right. he was slipping, thinking about his mama took his  away from his focus on staying awake, and suddenly his dad was talking, I'll take care of her spi, don't worry, you go on now, everything will be alright here, his dad comforts, knowing spider is more worried about her than himself. his dad was across from his mother, the both of them holding his hands, their own hands over lapping. He knows zdog is next to him, whispering I love you, over and over again. 

his brother’s were at his head, he could feel someone tucked into his neck, another pressing their head against his, I love you, I love you so much my brother, don't- (you have have to let him go) I… I'm gonna miss you, I'm gonna miss you so much, ao'nung he thinks, then Ravi, then ao'nung again. Ravi was taking care of the younger boy. good, he thinks, his brothers won't be alone. His sisters are gathered at his feet, collapsing in on one another; reyzi’s stiff upright posture and cold, thousand yard stare sticking out eerily amongst his hazy recollection. Kiri looked… peaceful wasn't the right word, she looked like she accepted it, she had tsireya and tuk pulled into her sides, Reyzi was behind her, accepting no comfort; he was sure that if he could get his eyes to focus he would see her wringing her hands, pulling her fingers until they hurt. he wished she would be able to move on, he knew it wasn't possible, it wouldn't be possible for her or her brother's, no matter how well they were holding themselves in the moment. Lo'ak was pacing the stretch of land that acted as an opening to the aclove, he was cursing, punching at the rubble, he didn't deserve this, not again. 

he saw the recoms standing gaurd as well, someone was trying to keep Lo'ak from the rubble, earning a sharp jab to the ribs, which was redirected into in awkward hug of sorts, but he couldn't tell who it was anymore. 

he couldn't tell who anyone was, his vision had faded to much. he whimpered, felt the burn in his chest as a result. he felt like he was sinking away, like when you have the bad dream of falling into the abyss. he was scared, he was so scared, he didn't want to die. he tried to grip onto something, but he's not even sure he was moving, but he felt his bubble get tighter, he tired to remember be wasn't alone. 

the last thing he remembered was a choked cry, probably his mother, and then nothing.

then Neytiri, smiling at him sadly amidst of bright white. no, no it wasn't Neytiri… it was Neteyam, his big-little brother - spider was technically older him, by a little over a year, but aged slower, hense earning him the title of little- big brother and Neteyam the opposite - standing a few feet away from him. 

"I didn't expect to see you so soon." Neteyam talks in a way that is much older and much wiser then his age lets on, more so then he did in life. he keeps his smile, but his voice and eyes let on his sadness. 

"neither did I," spider makes no attempts to move or interact more than he needs to, not until he knows this ain't a trick of his dying mind

"why did you do it, you could have let dad take the hit, he had a better at surviving it," 

"I wasn't letting another person get shot in front of me." 

"It wasn’t your fault brother,” neteyam stepped forward, placing a hand on spiders cheek, wiping a tear he didn’t know was there. 

“Am I really dead?” he asks, wanting to accept that this was really the end, he needed this to be the end, because he couldn’t stay standing much longer. 

“Yes… I’m sor-” Neteyam tensed at the question, 

“No, no thats… that’s good, was just worried… worried I wasn’t gone yet and that my mind would start playing tricks on me.” he closed the gap, leaning into the taller figure, he was tired, he was so tired. “Please, ‘teyam, please tell me this is real.”

He felt himself being pulled down, surrounded in a ligth warmth, almost like a blanket of sand warmed by the light of the sun. he kept his eyes closed, unsure if he wanted to see the space around him, if he wanted to know what would be there. He just clung tight to his big-little brother and prayed The Great Mother showed him mercy. 

“Its’s real, I promise you it’s real, open your eyes.” 

When he did, because he trusted his brother, he was home, he was on a familiar beach, the beach his father would take him to, it was on the far side of the village, a place only really known by the chief and his family. 

“What is this place, spi, it’s the place The Great Mother thinks you should rest, tell me about it.”

“This is where tonowari told me I was his son… it was the family beach in a way… its where me and ao’nung would train and tsireya taught me the stories of our people, where mother taught me to heal. This is my home.” he was too caught up in the relief to think about how neteyam may feel about him considering someone else family. 

“You deserved more time with them, they were good to you,” he spoke softly, tracing his finges in the sand, “you were meant to be theirs, but that doesn’t change the fact that we’re brothers. It’s ok spider, I’m happy that you were happy with them, you deserved that.”

“You saw?” 

“Everything, had to watch over you and my other skawng brother, ao’nung too, make sure you didn’t get into to much trouble; though it doesn’t seem I kept that from happening… I watched you all, you did good brother.” 

His stomach dropped. He knows, he knows what he did, why wasn’t he angry.

“I saved him… why aren’t you angry?” 

“Because you were right. You felt the good in him, you saved him, and then let him pick his path. You saved him, all of them, preserved life; thats the way of eywa. By saving him, you brought them all together… and evne if you didn’t, even if he didn’t change, he was your dad spi, he did better then our- my dad… you had every right to want to save him. I can’t judge you for that.” 

This felt wrong, something wasn’t right, there was no way this was going to be this easy. 

“I… I don’t understand.” 

“You will, it takes time.”

“Time?” 

“Eywa will show you what you need to know to find peace, sometimes you need to see what happens first. You were bound to kiri for a reason, you were bound to tonowari and ronal for a reaosn, you were bound to the recoms for a reason. She will show you, it just takes time.” 

Neteyam was holding him by the shoulders now, pulling him into a hug once more. Spider thinks he was crying. “You don’t understand yet, but I am so proud of you spider.”

That’s when spider cracked, he couldn’t do it anymore, he couldn’t stay strong. He crumbled in his brother’s arms, letting him hol all his pieces together. He falls apart into the sand, as his brother moves away from him.

“I have to go now, so do you,” his brother says distantly, spider only catching a glimpse of him before he disappears. 

Before he can even call out for him, he hears another voice, one much more ethereal, layered and consisting of many tones; “you have places to be, my child.”

“What?” he searches the beach for a source, but comes up with nothing. “Who are you?”

“You know who I am,” the voice shifts, sounding almost like his mother

“Mother?” 

“The Mother of mothers I suppose,” the voice was closer to what it had been before, though it kept its feminine pitch

“Eywa.” his voice was more a whisper then anything else, unsure of what should have been obvious. 

“Yes, my child,” a woman appeared, emerging from the forest that surrounded the beach, she looked like his mother, which made some sense. She could look like anything, different to each person, so of course she would take the form of the woman he loved and trusted the most in his life. 

“Where am I going?”

“You ask too many questions, always have,” she smiled, an airiness to her voice, almost like a laugh, “what do our people believe?” 

Oh. “Every person is born twice,” 

“That’s right little one,” the deity came closer, her ‘hand’ caressing his cheek.

He felt his heart begin to race, how that was possible considering he was dead, he didn’t know and didn’t care. He didn’t want to go, he wanted to stay with his family, with neteyam. He wanted to find the other’s, kiri’s mom, his mother’s spirit sisters, his ancestors; human, omatikaya, and metkayina alike. He’s so tired and just wants to stay here, just for a little.

“Don’t worry my child, you,” she points to his head, his mind, “will stay here, your soul,” she points to his chest, “will be reborn. You will rest, but your fire, courage, and loyalty will be given back to the world. You were born to be a great warrior, it is ingrained in you, and you fight for me and all of pandora with all of yourself and all of your strength. You will be sent back to finish what you began, to the end of the war. You will protect you’re family, and you will have my guidance to do so, that I promise.”

He was confused, unsure of how the whole ‘born twice’ thing worked logistically, but he knew better to argue with a mother, let alone The Mother. So he suppressed his weariness, his longing for his family, and accepting Eywa’s task. Little warrior, gift of Eywa. what were once terms of endearment now had meaning.

“Yes, Great Mother,”

“Your mother taught well, she is a good tsahik, her and your father, even the lost spirits that make up your dad, you call him and your mom,” hearing the Na’vi goddess use english words was so unnerving, and he found himself grinning a little harder then he should, and she grinned back in response, “they prepared you well, very well.”

“They did, I am forever greatful for them”

“Of course you are, you are a grateful child, your heart is larger then most, its what a great warrior, the respect you have for the enemy, even when you feel such immense hatred. It is what lead you to save him, what lead your siblings to him, what turned the tides of this battle. It is what made you protect the Toruk Makto, despite the battle he put you through so young. It is you’re heart that will live on…are you ready?” her words were so motherly, it sounded like a story he would hear from his mother, except it was no story, not yet, it was his life. 

“I think,” he was honest with her, he had no idea what was going to happen, and therefore could not honestly tell her if he was afraid or not.

“When your soul is sent back to your family, finding a place to be reborn where it is needed most, you will join your ancestors; you will watch with them, both your living family and your ancestors, you will learn to be a guide as they are and when your soul has returned to you, living its second life, you will be a guide as well. Do you understand my child?” she explained with care.

So that’s what his brother meant, he will see in time, learn what he most learn, be show what he must be shown. He would watch the remainder of his family’s lives, watch the war, watch the effects of his actions play out. He would watch his soul live on, finishing what he began. He would learn from his ancestors, everything he needed to know. Maybe he would learn from his Mother as well, he couldn’t assume this was the last he would be seeing of her. He felt ease wash over him, his Mother embracing him fully now. 

“You will be reborn to her, that I promise. Good luck little warrior.”

And with that the figure disappeared, he felt something leave him, more then just Eywa’s presence, and suddenly he was alone, still on the secluded beach. He had a feeling he had a lot to figure out, and that the tulkun calls in the distance were the calls of his first teacher, Roa.  

~~~

So a few things. The only people I’m sorry for right now are fictional. chest wounds under the right circumstances can be slow inevitable death sentences; I milked that for every ounce of angst I could (his death took at least 10-15 minutes of agony just for a little perspective for him and his family; they couldn’t do anything so they just had to watch him fade). Finally, the only explanation for why the siblings don’t go hog wild immediately (this explanation is for all of 3 people, you know who you are/pos) is because their civility is directly linked to spider. If they don’t stay calm, there will be no stopping them, and they didn’t want spider to see that; basically, the only way they stopped themselves from going ballistic, was to go numb, practically comatose, which will fuel their anger later.

I kept the dialogue limited to put the reader in spider perspective, he’s so out of it he can really only hear what's being said when he’s putting effort into it. Just because the dialogue isn’t mentioned doesn’t mean its happening, which is my nice way of saying; he’s being talked to the whole time, he just isn’t “hearing” it. This is the same for character focus, he’s only really able to pay attention to the activity around him, so characters are only really mentioned when they are actively interacting with him/are the main point of his focus. angst via writing style is my favorite flavor of angst I toiled with the ending of this for like 3 days, I don't love it love it, but I'm content with it. I have complicated feelings for how the spirit world works in canon (as far as we know) and how I want it to work, so we're just gonna take the mess that I created and enjoy it. also eywa is based on my interpretation of our world's 'true mother' who takes many forms and names in different mythologies; think, fun mom, who's crunchy in the cool fun way. like will drive her kid to the ER at 2 in the morning for running a fever, but will also slather them in essential oils the entire way there. is the cool mom that everyone loves and always wants to hang out with. like I didn't want her to seem overly untouchable, so I made her have a mild sense of humor. so enjoy that

#I nearly lost my mind writing this #I am not at all writing a characters death from their perspective #which considering how much angst I write is like hella surprising #avatar 2 #spider socorro #avatar the way of water #miles socorro #miles spider socorro #quaritch #avatar spider #spider avatar #spellman siblings #hi'i'tsyil te fkew'weopx tonowari'itan #spider tonowari'itan #ronal #tonowari #ao'nung #tsireya #kiri sully #lo'ak sully #neteyam sully #tuk sully #sully family #jake sully #neytiri #recom squad #corporal wainfleet #recom wainfleet #lyle wainfleet #prager

[arc-misadventures]

Will there be a continuation of ‘I will see you again~!’ ?

It leaves me with so many questions and wondering so many things.

It’s implied that everyone else was a girl so far so he’ll be the only boy with Jeanne being his twin. Will he hate Jeanne though as they grow up? Will he actually meet genuine friends?

Is our favourite noodle finally going to get happiness in this new world?

Love your stuff. Always looking forward to reading it.

We’re Together Once More~!

Saphron: Awww~!

Saphire: They’re so precious~!

Luna: How are they so cute together~ ?

Juniper: Is something going on?

Saphron: Look at the twins mom! Aren’t they just so cute~?!

Juniper: …

The Arc Matriarch overlooks the two year old twins on a blanket on the floor as, Jeanne was hugging her brother, rubbing her cheek against his fed up face.

Juniper: Awww~! That’s so precious~!

Sqphron: Look how much she loves her older brother~!

Luna: I’ve got photos!

~~~

Meanwhile in the world of the twins and their semi-telepathic twin link. Jaune was pushing his arms gainst, Jeanne’s face to get her off of him.

Jaune: J-Jeanne!

Jeanne: Mmm~! Big bro!

Jaune: Jeanne, get off of me!

Jeanne: Never! You’ll just run away from me if I do!

Jaune: Give me some space, and I promise I won’t leave!

Jeanne: Promise?

Jaune: Arc’s promise.

Jeanne: Mmm… Okay, but if run away from me, I’m chasing after you!

Jeanne then begrudgingly move away from, Jaune a respectful distance away. Still close enough to pounce him if he got any ideas.

Jaune: Ugh… why are you so clingy? My sisters in my past life were never this clingy! Except for, Carol… she was too clingy…Far too clingy for my liking…

Jeanne: Hey! I was devastated after I lost you in our past lives! Now, your my older brother! I’m not letting you get away from me that easily!

Jaune: Oh… I didn’t know you took my death that hard…

Jeanne: How could I not?! ‘Me,’ basically celebrating my death isn’t something one can easily get over. I did eventually… But, it took years for that to happen…

Jaune: It that how you saw my death; As if you were the one who died?

Jeanne: Well, we are the gender counterparts of each other. So, I always saw you as me, and me as you, in a certain way that is.

Jaune: Hmm… I can understand that…

Jeanne: Jaune… I know your life was hard… and, you knowing what my life was like made it harder for you to bare. But, your death didn’t make my life any easier. I saw your death as partially my fault; not that you sacrificed yourself to save others, that’s an, Arc thing to do. But, you were so at peace with it… That you were more than willing to die, and never have to deal with me again. That… the hurt more than I ever thought it could… So I am going to do everything in my power to make your life a better one than the last one! So, can you please do one thing, just one thing for me…?

Jaune: And, what would that be?

Jeanne: Don’t die. Don’t wish to die. Don’t wish to die to be rid of me. Live, live for me, for your family, and most important of all; Live for yourself. Can you promise me this? Please…?

Jaune looked away form his younger sister to stare into the eyes of his older sister, and mother, and saw the wealth of happiness, warmth, and joy in their faces as they stared upon them. He could feel a pool of guilt fill into his very being as he came to realize at long last they his death may have been liberating, but how many people did he hurt with his death?

He looked down as his small baby hands, clenching into fists as he recounted the mistakes he seemingly made in his past life. His mind only being broken away as he felt a comforting hand on his shoulder, and a pair of warm eyes staring at him. He smiled, as he turned, to gaze upon his little sister, and pulled her into a warm hug, as he gently rubbed her back.

Jaune: I promise you, Jeanne I won’t go, and get myself killed. This time I’m going to live, for you, our family, and most of all for myself.

Jeanne: Arc’s promise?

Jaune: Arc’s promise.

~~~

The rest of the, Arc family cooed as they saw the siblings lovingly embrace one another.

Luna: More! I need more photos! NOW!!!

Juniper: Oh they are just so precious~!

Saphron: You would think that they’d be at each other’s throats. Being twins, and opposite genders, and all.

Saphire: Give them time. Siblings will eventually come into conflict with one another.

Juniper: Since you mentioned siblings, I suppose now would be a good time to tell you I’m pregnant.

SSC: Wait, WHAT?!

~~~

Jeanne: What do you think they’re freaking out about?

Jaune: Mom’s probably just let it slip she’s pregnant again.

Jeanne: Ahh… There’s one more after this one right?

Jaune: Yes, but this one should be the twins if I’m not mistaken.

Jeanne: Sheesh… Mom, and dad have a hell of a libido.

Jaune: Arc’s have a hell of a libido.

Jeanne: First hand experience?

Jaune: Yes.

Jeanne: Never experienced it myself; well, with a guy that is.

Jaune: Well; New life, and new possibilities await us.

Jeanne: True, so instead of, Terra taking your virginity, can I have it instead?

Jaune: …

Jaune: Imma gonna kill you now…

Jeanne: Relax, Jaune I was…?!

Jaune: DIE YOU DEGENERATE!!! DIE!!!

Jeanne: AHHHHH?!?!!

~~~

And, with that, Jaune was beating, Jeanne over the head with his, Pumpkin Pete’s plushie. And, as the the family watch on this cruel act of violence, Sapphire couldn’t help, but smugly smile at her sister.

Saphire: See, told you it was only a matter of time.

Saphron: Oh, shut up…

#rwby #jaune arc #juniper arc #saphron cotta arc #terra cortta arc #fem jaune

[silvermoose]

Fanfic I wrote for The Coffin of Andy and Leyley. Originally posted on Reddit, then Ao3.

---

Being able to be openly affectionate with Ashley was one advantage to quarantine, Andrew had to admit. Even when their parents lived with them, their mom was always giving them disgusted looks, or making snide comments to them. Now he didn’t have to watch over himself, trying to be cautious about every interaction they had. He could interact with his sister without feeling judged about it. Everything felt natural, and he could be himself.

This changed after they started having sex.

He became much more self conscious, in a way that he never was before. Even buying condoms had become an ordeal. In his past life, he would just pick some up when he got cigarettes. He didn’t care who saw him, because he didn’t care if anyone knew that he was getting laid. It was different now.

He tried not to go to the same place twice, and never went with Ashley, lest someone realize how similar they look and make the connection. Each trip had him on the brink of an anxiety attack. They had discussed other options, but getting a prescription for the birth control pill would start a paper trail, and the consequences of pulling out were too dire. So instead Andrew dealt with the fear and shame of being found out every time he went to the pharmacy. He also stocked up on pregnancy tests out of paranoia; It got to the point where Ashley was used to just taking one every few days as a matter of routine.

“You know how that’s not how it works, right?” she said the third time, as she handed him the test with one blue line. “It doesn’t show you the moment you get pregnant, it only shows after a few weeks.”

“It’s either this or your demon trinket, and I’m not sacrificing anyone else if I can avoid it,” he said. He checked the box to confirm that yes, a single line meant ‘not pregnant’.

While She didn't mind at first, it got tiresome after a while. So she stole a pen from the front desk while Andrew was out. When it was time to take another test, she drew an extra line on it.

“Hey An-dy,” Ashley sang to him, holding out a test with two blue lines on it.

Andrew puked. Violently.

“What the fuck, Andy?” Ashley screamed.

“You're pregnant?? How did this happen? We were so careful! Ashley. I don't think we can do this.”

“Well, then it's a good thing I'm not actually pregnant, Asshole. It was a joke. I drew on the extra line.”

It took a minute for Andrew to register what she had said.

“What? What the fuck, Ashley, why would you do that to me??”

“I didn't think it would make you puke! Did you ever puke after having sex with one of your floozies??”

“It's not the sex, Ashley,  it's the thought of having a baby!”

“You think I'd be a bad mother.”

“No, I think it's a bad idea to have a child when both parents are unemployed, on the run, and oh yeah, they’re siblings!!!”

“It's not like anyone knows”

“Really, Ashley? You think that no one ever looks at us and sees how similar we are? Which features we share? The same mannerisms we have? That’s bullshit.”

“Is that why you never show affection to me in public? That you won’t kiss me or hold my hand? You’re afraid some stranger will judge you?”

“If they notice us enough to judge us, they notice us enough to report us, Ashley.”

“We’ve been out in public a lot without anyone saying anything!”

“Not while we were fucking!  Going out in public is hell. All I think about is people seeing through me, realizing I'm the freak that fucks my sister. And when I'm alone with you, I feel better. I feel happy. I feel like I’m home. I reinforce that they’re right .”

“Oh, so I make you a freak?” She yelled, more angry than hurt.

“Ashley. Leyley .” he said gently. He embraced her and kissed her hair. “You don’t make me a freak. You make me happy. I can’t live without you. But I don’t know how much longer we can go on like this. It seems inevitable that we’re either going to get caught and arrested, or killed, or something else, but we’re going to be separated, and I don’t know what I will do with myself if that happens. I don’t want to lose you.”

“And I don’t want you to leave me.”

He closed his eyes and held her tighter.

“What do we do, Leyley? To be free?”

“Let's ask the trinket,” Ashley suggested. “We still have one vision on this thing.”

It seemed like such a big ask. Up until this point, the trinket had primarily worked when it wanted to. But it was right about the hitman, it had been right about them sleeping together, so he agreed to give it a shot.They slept together that night with his arms wrapped around her, holding the trinket between their hands.

Robbing the pharmacy was easier than it had any right to be, but that was the advantage of having demons on your side. The place was remote and had only one pharmacist, so when they went in Andrew simply locked the door behind him while Ashley held the gun to the pharmacist.

“Don't be stupid about this, and you can live,” she said. The pharmacist nodded. “We want sectional. All of it.”

“Sectional? Is that what it’s called, Ashley?”

“ Leyley . And yeah, something like that.”

“Something like that? Seconal, Ley. It’s Seconal.” He shot Leyley a look, but she only smiled and blew him a kiss in return.

The pharmacist brought them their entire stock of pills, which wasn’t a lot, but would be enough. The Graves then bound and gagged the pharmacist and left him behind the counter, a rare act of mercy for them.

In the car, Ashley popped open one of the beers they had bought earlier and handed it to Andrew.

“Not while I'm driving!” He said, and tried to wave it away.

“What do you care? The vision showed we’d arrive safely.”

“I need to be able to chisel properly.”

“Why? Does it matter how nice it looks?”

“You know what? Fuck it, you're right.” Andrew took the can from her and took a swig.

They had a good buzz going by the time they arrived at their destination. Ashley was initially against the idea, but Andrew convinced her that if it was in the vision, they should do it that way. Plus, since their parents' bodies were missing, there was no actual grave. No Coffin. Just a tombstone with the word GRAVES on it, with their parents names and dates of birth below it.

Andrew chipped away at their names and dates of birth as best he could until it only had “GRAVES” on it. It looked alright, considering how much alcohol he had. Ashley laid out a blanket over the area in front of the tombstone, and they sat down on it.

“Okay,” Andrew said, as he poured the pills into two piles. “I guess it doesn’t matter how much we take? So we’ll each take half. Then lie down and stay on your back.”

“On my back so we can go out with a bang?” Leyley teased. 

“I'm serious, Leyley. If you puke everything up, it won't work.”

“Being on my back will stop me from puking?” she asked. She took the pills and followed it with some more beer.

“Yes,” Andrew lied. The reality was that if either of them threw up while on their back, they would choke on it; being on their sides meant they might survive the ordeal. 

“Leyley?”

“Mm?”

“In your vision, what was death like?”

“Peaceful,” Leyley said. “It was just us, here, then a feeling of warmth and heaviness. I woke up from the vision with a sense of peace.”

“I hope that means hell is nice,” Andrew said. “Look up at the stars with me.”

“Very romantic.”

“It is, actually. Author Mary Shelley supposedly lost her virginity on her moms grave. Romeo and Juliet died in her family’s crypt.”

“You always knew how to bring the romance,” Leyley said, her voice somewhat unsteady. Romantic, not romance, Andrew almost corrected, but now wasn't the time. He was starting to feel dizzy and didn't want those to be his last words to her. 

“I love you, Leyley.”

Leyley didn’t respond, and Andrew didn’t want to risk moving his head to look at her. Instead, he reached his hand out to hold hers. He felt his muscles grow weaker and weaker, and he couldn't keep his eyes open. As his breathing started to slow, he felt himself overcome with a sense of peace and calm.

#fanfiction #fanfic #the coffin of andy and leyley #coffinposting #gravecest #coffincest #andrew graves #andrew x ashley #gravescest #ashley x andrew #tcoaal #angst #gravesposting

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 170

Chapter 170: "Together"

Years ago I had wondered if Isabella's conversation with Peter happened before or after she rallied up the rest of the moms & sisters, but I suppose this flashback within a flashback kinda confirms she spoke to the ladies after she received news that Emma & the other children were on their way to GF. Half of me still believes that it was a bit risky waiting so long to inform everyone else of her plan just in case she couldn't gather up all the support she needed in time, but the other half of me also understands that there always could've been the possibility of the ladies turning on her or not being able to keep the secret well enough around Peter. Of course we know now from ch181.7 that Isabella had already recruited Matilda, Jessica, Sienna & Scarlet to assist her about a month after she was promoted to Grandma, but having everyone contribute to the betrayal is certainly more ideal.

Ya really can't blame the other ladies for being so hesitant. The idea of rebelling against the farm and the life you've been forced to live definitely seems like a sure fire way to get killed, however, as Isabella explains, that you can suffer the same fate just by doing your job, just as Sarah did.

I'm always up to receive flashbacks on characters, but this is one of those rare occasions that I would have to pass. Seeing how hard both Krone & Isabella struggled to survive the farm system are more than enough for me. These quick glimpses of everyone else's training hurt my little heart already. Aaahh, all the women in this series are so strong. Even though death scares the hell outta me, I doubt I'd live through this nightmare of fighting every day and living in fear.

When the training is so efficient that they learn how to lie perfectly to the children in order to keep up the orphanage but also how to lie to themselves (unknowingly) about how they could obtain a better life.

Kinda funny to me how I'll skip pages during some chapters and other times I'll go all in about almost every little thing. Well, now is one of those times I'm gonna ramble a lot, simply because Isabella is involved (as if that wasn't obvious enough whenever she showed up in the past). I absolutely love seeing how angry she is about this cruel world. This hatred of hers has surfaced the day she climbed the wall and saw the cliff surrounded the plantation with her own eyes after Leslie was shipped out and it has been simmering deep inside ever since, so now after waiting patiently for about twenty years, watching so many children be sacrificed to demons, she finally has the power and opportunity to act upon those strong feelings and contribute to changing the world for the better and I'm just so immensely happy that she's able to get this chance. She deserves to get some sort of revenge 110%.

Learning that the fear we saw her show towards Peter during this deal in ch165 was only an act is brilliant. Now, I'm sure Isabella did have moments where she did feel scared due to the uncertainty of what her new promotion would mean for her, but the fact those feelings practically vanished from her heart in such a short amount of time is amazing. This woman was "free" for two days from wearing any sort of mask and jumped right back into that chess-master mindset flawlessly. The list is endless but chalk that up as yet another reason why I love her.

I wouldn't let anyone rule over me either, but um.. I'd make an exception if it was you, ma'am.

I may be giving her too much credit, but I hope she's saying that regardless of what the other ladies decide, that Isabella is gonna provide her children some assistance no matter who stands in her way. If the betrayal really only included her and the four other women already on her side, I'm sure they could've pulled it off. And yes, I appreciate that she sorta mimicked Emma's words to Ray in ch33 despite never hearing the conversation for herself.

Ohh, how this woman must be feeling after hearing her precious children still call her their mom after everything she put them through.. has to so bittersweet, mixed with relief and regret.

The combination of his exaggerated expression and panic next to her calm and complacent reply absolutely sends me.

What I wouldn't give for her to have a moment with her children like that. I mean, it kinda happens.. the hugs, the apologies and everything else, but it should happen more than twice. And definitely without the death.

Hearing her call Peter a boy never fails to crack me up. And I know she refers to Lambda when she mentions the methods he's okay with, but the way her mind also brings up Nat's broken finger is lowkey hilarious, as if she didn't break Emma's leg before. While the original reason was to prevent Emma from escaping, I can see how Isabella might think her actions was another way to spare the girl from getting shipped early (as extreme & messed up as that idea is). Peter just broke Nat's fingers to be a dick. Nothing more, nothing less. am i showing too much favoritism towards this woman? probably. do i care? nope.

As quick as a callback it is, I love how Isabella mentioned last chapter how Emma & the others destroyed everything and how she expresses the same wish now. Also, her inner thoughts make me wanna sob. All Isabella wants is her help her children, she could care less what they think of her. And for a moment you might believe that they won't forgive her due to the look upon Emma's face here.

As expected from our lovable protagonist though, she accepts Isabella's help once she remembers that she and all the other women were victims of the same harsh system they were forced to live under.

I can fathom how this pathetic man manages to secure a gun and escape from being surrounded without getting hit with a single bullet but whatever. At least no one else gets injured by him as he runs away like a complete coward.

Favorite panel/moment:

I've no doubt said this many times, but this is by far the best mother-daughter moment I've ever experienced in my life.

Even though we did reach the raid in the anime, we were denied this panel mostly becuase the second season didn't allow the children to carry guns, which is a terrible shame.. if anything, we were treated to a small smile from Isabella after Emma's "thank you, mom" though. Of course I'd very much prefer the above panel to be animated, but I'll take what I can get. I'm very easy to please when it comes to this woman.

#the promised neverland #tpn manga #182daysoftpn #chidoroki used chatter

[jesuisici33]

top 9 books

tagged by @hippolotamus <3

Partners in Crime - Alisha Rai

The latest Alisha Rai novel. Mira Chaudhary is 35 with a stable job as an accountant yet is hopeless in getting a dating match on an Indian American match app. When she meets with Naveen Desai when her aunt dies to go over her will, a man she stood up previously, things go the unexpected when the two have to outsmart kidnappers and art thieves on an unexpected trip to Las Vegas to figure out what Mira's aunt has been hiding.

2. Crier's War - Nina Varela

The Automae, a race made originally so the Queen can have an heir, are in power on the throne and treat humans as less than them. Alya, a human peasant working in the palace as Lady Crier, the current heir to the throne's, maid servant, is part of the rebellion to get rid of the Automae and her job is to assassinate Lady Crier. However once she meets Crier she learns she's not as cold and robotic as what she thought her to be.

3. Winter of the Gods (Olympus Bound #2) - Jordanna Max Brodsky

Okay, so cheating a bit since this is the second of a trilogy, but this is my favorite.

Artemis, under the alias, Selene diSilva, is the detective of another cult murder spree with the help of her friend, Theo. This time someone is sacrificing the other Greek Gods in old Greek cult rituals. Selene has to figure out who it is before she could become the cult's next victim.

4. My Sister, the Serial Killer -Oyinkan Braithwaite

Set in Nigeria, Korede is painfully familiar with what to do when her sister, Ayoola calls her to let her know that once again, she's killed her boyfriend in self defense. Helping her to clean up and get rid of the body (i.e., Korede does it all herself while Ayoola pretends to shed a tear during her explanations), she comes up with a plan to make sure Ayoola doesn't get caught. Then one day at Korede's job as nurse, she meets a doctor she develops a crush on. The problem is, Ayoola does too. Does Korede let Ayoola go out with him knowing what will eventually happen to him, or will she stop her sister?

5. I'm Glad My Mom Died - Jennette McCurdy

I've been a fan of Jennette McCurdy since I first saw iCarly. Reading her memoir is one of the most devastating yet most enlightening things I've ever done. She talks about her trauma as a child star with such humor and candor, that even now after months reading it, I can't get it out of my head.

6. Red, White, and Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston

We all know what this is about it.

7. The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue- V.E. Schwab

In France, 1714, Addie LaRue makes a deal with the devil to live forever, however she must always be forgotten by all who know her. 300 years later, she meets a man who for some miraculous reason remembers her.

8. You Deserve Each Other- Sarah Hogle

This romance novel made me laugh SO many times! Naomi and Nicholas are now in a loveless engagement. However, neither wanting to back out of the wedding, both decide to play pranks on each other to see how far the other will go until they DO back out. One of my favorite things about this book is the mother-in-law story. If you liked The Hating Game, you'll probably enjoy this book just as much. One of my favorite things about this book is the mother-in-law plot. So hilarious and then so freeing at the end for Nicholas.

9. Yellowface - R.F. Kuang

June Hayward and Athena Liu are hanging out when Athena dies in a freak accident. Acting on impulse and jealousy, June steals Athena's literary masterpiece, claiming it as her own. To better sell the novel of Chinese loborers during the British and French war efforts of WWI, she lets her publisher rebrand her as Juniper Song despite having previous novels under her birth name. Soon outcry of this farce sparks more scandal as more and more people learn of June's secrets.

tagging @apothecarose @mammameesh @rmd-writes @thewolvesof1998 @pirrusstuff @mallpretzles @tyfinn @monsterrae1 @forthewolves @wandering-night19 @rosedavid @ramonaflow @welcometololaland @lizzie-bennetdarcy @carlos-in-glasses @eowon @bonheur-cafe @911-on-abc @liminalmemories21 @ladydorian05

[okami-zero]

Okami Watches G-Witch

KILL THE BENE-GESSERIT BITCHES!

(Spoilers below cut, Episode 23)

SO. Thank you, G-Witch for subverting some of my expectations based on older Gundam shows and tropes. I was fully expecting fratricide of some sort (accidental/intentional near the end there), because in other series (not just Gundam), the thing that snaps a normally good character out of their red-eyed, self-destructive vengeance spree is either they come to a realization just before they destruct, or they kill someone they are fighting who refuses to fight back, due to some connection. And I was sitting here, absolutely flabbergasted and thinking "Fuck fuck fuck Guel what the fuck-" and THEN.

Not so divine intervention. x3

I will give Felsi and Petra so many kudos for being so damn spunky and stubborn and pretty much two of the only people who can deal with the apparent Jeturk bullshit without issue. I actually thought Felsi was gonna jump in-between them (another trope of the third party intervention, that still ties into the previous one), but no. She went one better than that, and stopped the bullshit from happening (now go get some damn therapy, both of you!).

That's actually an aspect about G-Witch that has been pretty neat, is how we have this absolutely huge supporting cast, and yet, a lot of them are getting moments here at the climax of the whole shebang. I love that.

Okay, and Suletta's argument with her sister was interesting, and I may have to watch again because it was in the midst of a damn dogfight. But the Bits thinking that Eri wouldn't kill anyone (where here she is clearly edging toward the realization that she will probably have to kill her sister to stop her) and their eerily chirpy, happy response that their MOM will do it for them. While using Aerial, and the Bits. Which is, y'know... very "Gendo turning on Unit-1's Dummy Plug to override Shinji not willing to kill another pilot in that berserk EVA, and then Unit-01 nearly doing so" here. Paraphrasing Shinj, she will kill anyone who gets in her way, and will use Aerial (Eri's hands, essentially) to do it.

And THEN.

THEN.

Those Bene-Gesserit hags! (Note: I am aware they are not of the weird religion thing from Dune, but when I saw them and their absolutely creepy overly-Botoxed, always smiling faces and garb, that was the first word that jumps to mind.)

They and Elan-Prime went behind their own fucking Group to seal a deal to wipe out AN ENTIRE. LAGRANGE. SECTOR. To seal their own fucking skins. And we see this series Novantic Cannon/Space Fortress Barge/Space Battleship Libra. It's like the over-'roided big brother of Gundam X's lunar microwave cannon. But bigger. Like, holy SHIT.

And Eri put herself, the Bits and the Gundvolva still remaining in its path to keep Quiet Zero and everyone in/around it from being obliterated. Now, she might have only been thinking of her family, but - the classic sacrificing protagonist smile thrown Suletta's way... guess we'll see how things boil down, but not looking good for Eri. Let's hope the L1 death ray "power transmission laser" has a flaw like Libra's.

And Elan-4. Damn, this guy is just... hopefully doesn't die. T_T Because I have actually started to like him, he's saved everyone's bacon. Maybe it's because he's free of the constraint of the Bene-Gesserit taskmasters, so... Wait... could "Benerit" be a portmanteau of "Bene-Gesserit"...?? O.o It would make fucking sense! To me, anyway, I might be the only one who has that weird mental connection... >.>

AND! On the subject of Elan-4 and his peerless markmanship. I didn't think a headshot on Propsera would kill her, that brain bucket is FAR too thick. BUT! that revealed something else interesting - Prospera's Permet link wasn't in her helmet, it's in her HEAD. This makes sense, since she would need to be able to communicate with Eri outside of the cockpit, but I was like, "Holy shit!" Maybe the helmet also helps insulate her from the data storm?

BUT. The BIGGEST QUESTION.

WHO INTERFERED WITH QUIET ZERO?

When Eri was about to casually wipe out Suletta's friends, there was (stated a few moments later) "data interference". Eri actually was speaking to someone else for a moment, asking them why they stopped her, complaining that all their wishes could come true.

...who else is in the Data Storm?

#okami rambles #okami watches g-witch #mobile suit gundam: witch from mercury #witch from mercury #g-witch #look i have a theory #one who it could be #it's an either or but... #we'll have to wait and see #god I love this series

[buggyzwrld]

method of modern love (highschool AU! henry creel/gn! reader) - chap 1

chapter 1 - cloudbusting.

(chap namesake: cloudbusting by kate bush. i love her.)

fic summary: you have it all, popularity, good grades, and at the top of the social hierarchy of hawkins high. never once have you ever needed help, you got it all on your own, and you certainly never messed with those considered beneath you.

however, that all changes when one night, your mom suddenly never comes back home from work, and her disappearance flips your life as you know it, upside down. you reluctantly seek the help of the weird girl, jane hopper, her d&d playing friends, and the supposed wizard boy with powers, henry.

angst, fluff, enemies to lovers, reader is an ass, gud stuff.

a/n: hey guys! my name is bug and I’m not very new to tumblr, however, I’ve lurked so much and I wanted to write my own story! So this is one of my first ever st fanfictions, constructive criticism is welcomed, i have two chapters so far of this fic! I’ve had this AU in my head for awhile! :)

Some notes about this au for less confusing purposes:

Takes place in Season 4 time frame, 1986, in Hawkins.

Some canonical events, such as Hopper’s “death,” Will & El moving to California, Henry’s age, Vecna, Chrissy’s death, etc. did not happen for the sake of this universe.

The lab massacre happened, and this is how Henry & El escape blah blah, he struggles with this, blah, blah lol. 

Season 3’s finale did happen (minus Hopper death), and El lost her powers. Billy's death happened also. 

Henry is 18 for the sake of a highschool AU, and a senior, he & El live with Hopper, and assume the names Jane Hopper & Henry Hopper, taking on a big brother/little sister relationship.

This is basically what I imagined would happen if Henry wasn’t batshit crazy (well, actually he still kind of is but... lawful evil maybe??) , and assumed a normal life. I’m explaining too much lol, but I hope y'all enjoy! :)

Reader is gender neutral, assumes "they" pronouns so the story is accessible to everyone to read! You can replace the pronouns with whatever you like, and reader can be as fem, masc, or in between as you like.) 

this was written before vol. 2! so, if there are reveals that aren't stated here, remember this is just an au. thank you so much for reading :) !

~

The warm, humid spring air shrouded itself through the open windows, as the curtains danced lightly with the calm breeze in a tango. You stuck your head out the window, and took a big, heavy inhale of the air, and you could feel it. 

 This was your year.

        You’d been saying it since January 1st, 1986, as soon as the clock struck midnight, this was your year. Looking over in your bedroom vanity, you smiled confidently, feeling content with what you saw staring back. Yes, you had good grades, you were considered popular, attractive, you quite honestly had all a teenager could want in their high school life, right? However, these things didn’t come easily to you, you worked hard for them, you fought tooth, nail, and sacrificed much of yourself for your position you acquired right now. You were finally considered one of “them,” enough to be of their social caliber, enough of their stature, and you knew now you never had to worry again about reckless teasing. 

        You had it all, and you looked with slight remorse upon the ones who were once in your place. Sure, you could feel a small empathy for them, you were no stranger to the way they were treated, but you kept it to yourself. 

        Shaking your thoughts, you finished the rest of your morning routine, brushing your teeth, fixing your hair the way you liked, putting in as much hair spray to maintain the style. Yes, to assume the popularity role, you had to conform just a bit, as much as you hated to admit, but anything to keep up appearances and not fall back in the deep end of being at the bottom of the social totem pole. 

        Walking into the kitchen, you saw your sweet, tired mother looking over the bills of the house, she smiled small at you, her lips pursed, and you could see the eyebags forming under her eyes, from closing up the shop late last night. 

“Good morning, love,” She greeted, “you look awfully cute this morning.” 

        You looked your outfit up and down, blue jean shorts, with a brown button up shirt that had a funky pattern on it, tucked into the waistline, “I always look cute mom, what’s new?

        She chuckled, “Well, that’s certainly not a lie.” She went back to sorting through the bills, organizing, writing things down in her tiny green notebook she kept for important matters. You popped two pieces of bread in the toaster, and dug around in the refrigerator for some strawberry jelly, when you heard her emit a deep sigh. 

“What’s the bills looking like this month?” You turned around, face concerned, and eyebrows furrowing, as you knew the stress was formed on her face.

        “Not good, pumpkin, you might have to help me out more in the parlor this month, and maybe,” She looked off to the side, “get a part time job elsewhere, too.” 

        You stared deeply at her, and gulped, you didn’t mind helping in the pizza parlor, after all it was a family business, and every one of your friends thought it was cool that your mom owned the hottest pizza joint in Hawkins. To keep them happy, you even cooked and offered them free food, at your mom’s expense. But the feeling was different, you had it all right? That's what you always told yourself. Your friends, who had two parents with nice jobs, a nice house, a nice neighborhood… you contemplated your thoughts, but pushed them out of your head. You were as good as anyone else, whether or not you had to put on a façade, you did it just as well. 

        “Okay, but my ACT tests are coming up soon,” You played with the beltline of your shorts as you spoke, “and you know this is important for my future in college..” 

        “Yes, honey, I understand of course.” She smiled weakly, and you couldn’t help but feel a feeling of guilt form in your heart, your toast popping out of the oven. You didn’t even want it anymore, but you smothered it with jelly and grabbed your keys, and bid your mom goodbye as you left for school. 

        Starting up your fairly modest car, which was fancy by no means, you drove to school, popping in a “Tears for Fears” tape, “Head Over Heels,” to play first. You bopped your head slightly to the beat, shoving the first piece of toast in your mouth, quickly eating it, tapping your finger to the beat against the steering wheel as you maintained a steady pace on the road. 

        Finally, you reached the Hawkins High parking lot, the brown school now in view, with students walking in to begin classes. However, as you were only paying attention to the students walking in, with the music blaring, you failed to notice almost hitting a girl, and a few other kids with your car. 

        “Hey!” You heard a loud yell, and you braced for the inevitable, as you knew it was possibly too late to put on the brake without some type of collision. However, your car abruptly stopped without you hitting the brake, and you looked over to see that weird girl Angela always bullied, Jane, and her ragtag group of weird friend boys. She stared you down intently, however behind her you noticed another figure you had only seen around slightly, Henry. He pierced you with a look of resentment you’d never seen before, and you could’ve sworn you saw some blood dribble from his nose, however he quickly took his sleeve across his face. 

        “Hey! You could’ve killed her!” You heard one of the boys yell, Dustin Henderson, you just rolled your eyes, not interested in offering an apology or arguing with a freshman. 

“What an ass…” The other boy, Mike Wheeler, muttered as he watched you drive off, the others agreeing, making sure Jane was okay, and continued their walk on into the school building. 

        You pulled into a parking space, pulled your keys out, leaned back into the seat and emitted a deep, heavy sigh. You already had a run in with those weirdos, now what was next? Hopefully, nothing else surprising that you couldn’t act out your rehearsed emotions. 

        You heard a knock on your passenger side door, and you looked over to see none other than Chrissy Cunningham. She smiled brightly at you as she opened your passenger door and sat in the seat. “Ready for another day, (___)?” Her cheeks brightened as she smiled, eyes twinkling. 

“If you say so,” you retorted sarcastically, smirking slightly, “I just had a sticky run in with the Hellfire weirdos and their supposed wizard, but to be fair, I almost hit her with my car.” 

        “(___!)” She exclaimed suddenly, “you’ve got to pay more attention than that when driving..” She stated the obvious, but I just gave her an “I know, I know” look, and she giggled a little. Chrissy was extremely sweet, one of the only few of the popular group that you truly felt was genuine, and that you felt had actual emotions. You weren’t sure how she fell in with such the likes as Angela, and her crowd; cold, ruthless, mean, and calculating, sometimes it made you shudder with the type of antics they would pull. 

        “Well, let’s get going,” You huffed, “we don’t want to miss the wonderful Mr. Brown’s Biology II class!” She shot you a “really?” look, as you knew it was her least favorite class. Although you were the age of a junior, you were graduating early this year due to how fast you excelled in your studies in your previous years, taking all senior classes. You were the salutatorian of the class as you knew so far, and this frustrated you. You had no idea who was valedictorian, but you knew you wanted to surpass them, it was only fair.  

        As you walked into class, you scanned the area. The regular people here of course, Bobbie, Ariel, Jamie… you made it to your seat, the middle of the classroom, second seat from the window, third row, you remembered. However, as you sat down, you took notice of the blonde locks, slightly lean figure, and blue eyes that sat in the seat directly next to you. 

Henry. 

Henry Hopper to be exact.

        He made eye contact with you, as he must’ve felt you staring, shooting an uninteresting look as if you were a mere fly on the wall, and you sneered at him back. 

        How did you not notice? You’ve been in this class since January, it was now March, and you never noticed Henry sitting beside you? The incident this morning must’ve made you take notice, Henry was extremely quiet and never spoke a peep to anyone, besides his sister, and that whole crew. You still stared at the side of his profile in disgusting curiosity as he was now doodling something in his notebook, you taking note, peered over, it looked to be a spider. You shuddered. You hated those ugly creatures. He glared at you again. You glared back.

        Freak, you thought, turning your attention elsewhere.

        “Alright! Alright! Everyone!” Mr. Brown loudly exclaimed as he walked in the classroom, slamming the door shut, “today I’ve got something interesting for you all!”

        You noticed Henry quickly flipping his page to a clean sheet, dammit, why were you noticing everything he was doing today? It pissed you off. 

        Everyone sat up begrudgingly at this news, whatever Mr. Brown, who gave 60-questioned tests, deemed “exciting,” couldn’t have been an amusement park field trip. 

        “Don't look so miserable!” He smiled, pushing his big brown glasses on his face as he whirled around, and wrote on the chalkboard, “Science PROJECT!”

        He whirled back around and continued, “Today I decided, instead of another BORING lecture, to go ahead and begin our frog dissections!” Everyone looked at each other excitedly, hoping he would let them choose their partners. Chrissy and I made eye contact and she smiled, while I mouthed, “Pick me,” with a little wink. 

        “However, most unfortunate for you all,” He smirked devilishly, “I will pick your partners, wouldn’t be high school without the uncomfortable social aspects, now would it?”  

Loud groans emitted from the class, specifically from the back, from Eddie Munson, the 2 year super senior. 

        “So! I put all your name on these little popsicle sticks, and arranged to pull two out from this hat!” He chortled a laugh, “Now, let’s see who’s our first two victims on the list!”

He shook the black top hat, everyone antsy in anticipation, hoping, praying they would be with a friend, or their hot crush, or a decent partner at least. “First,” he pulled out two sticks, “Christina and Laurie!” A small “yes!” could be heard from the girls. 

“Second..” He pulled out two more, “Chrissy and. . .”

Your throat tightened with anticipation, hoping it would be you. 

        “Eddie!” Your heart sunk, you looked up at her, and she looked like a doe in headlights, looking to the back of the class, seeing Eddie roll his eyes a bit, mutter something, but nothing too judgmental, surprisingly. She then gave you a small smile, to which you could not return. 

        This went on for a few more names, your name not being called, and suddenly your stomach dropped with anticipation, why was it taking so long? Dammit, just call my name already, you thought. 

        Maybe, you begin to think, I’ll work on this solo, I wouldn’t mind that. You smiled at the thought, but the small hope came crashing down at Mr. Brown’s next names uttered. 

“(Name) and….” He flipped the popsicle around as if he couldn’t read his own handwriting, squinting as he slowly spoke, “...Henry.”  

        Your eyes shot up from their daze of being out of space, and you looked over to the boy sitting beside you in utter disgust, he looked at you indifferently first, but after seeing your expression, he returned the look back. 

        How lovely.

(edit: chapter 2 here)

#henry creel x you #henry creel #henry creel x reader #001 stranger things #001 x you #peter ballard #peter ballard x you #stranger things #stranger things 4 #im so nervous lol this is my first fic #i feel like its bad lol #moml series #bugs fics

[beefbloodcinnamonrolls]

How Final Fantasy X left me with so many emotions.

This is my first time playing a Final Fantasy game.

AHHH HA-HA

Tidus's antics either left me stunned or amused. Like whining about food in the underwater ruins then nearly choking to death on the food Rikku gives him. Launching the Blitzball into the sea, and kicking that one kid's into the plains along the highroad. Play fighting with Waka while Yuna was making her case to the Ronso, whatever the hell was happening in the background of one of the temples and just so much more. Nice character. Very Himbo.

HA-HA

Fell in love with the soundtrack after hearing the Besaid theme.

HA-HA

First time crying was when Waka was telling Tidus how much he reminded him of Chappu and then receiving Brotherhood.

HA-HA

I laughed when Tidus told the priest at the temple he didn't give a damn about their traditions and wanted to help Yuna.

HA-HA

Valefor is best girl. She killed Anima and the stone defender before Mt. Gagazet. She was the last one I sacrificed.

HA-HA

I was surprised to see chocobos powering the S. S. Liki. I also liked running in circles with the kids before their mom scolded them. The Jecht shot took what, 50 tries?

HA-HA

Felt a little heartbroken after failing to save Kilika. At least I got to save that one kid on the docks.

HA-HA

Got to the woods and "Calm Before the Storm" hit me like a ton of bricks after not hearing it for years.

HA-HA

Not fair how the boys start the race before you can move.

HA-HA

Damn the Luca Goers.

HA-HA

Ifrit is best demon dog/boar thing. He killed Spherimorph after it got stuck on fire spells. Loved how he carried Yuna on his shoulder.

HA-HA

Luca was fun to explore, especially when I got to annoy the reporter lady.

HA-HA

I believe in the Aurochs, even if I never won a game or scored a goal. Blitzball unfortunately combines the two things I'm bad at, sports and math.

HA-HA

As soon as I saw Seymour I thought, "villain".

HA-HA

I kept wondering when O'aka XXIII was going to pay me back the 400 gil I loaned him. Apparently he just gave the money to a random Al Bhed woman. Regardless, I was overjoyed to see him freed from jail and cried when he told the story of his sister.

HA-HA

I enjoyed walking through town with Yuna on her and Tidus's first date.

HA-HA

What do you mean 5,000 gil for one cutscene???

HA-HA

I cheered on as Kimahri punched Yenke and Biran.

HA-HA

I felt so disappointed in myself for letting Waka and the little fan section down.

HA-HA

Sure hope I don't have to fight that big demon thing Seymour just called up.

HA-HA

Achieving victory on the highroad with Tidus lying dead on the ground.

HA-HA

Guilt consumed me as I watched the chocobo feather flutter to the ground after getting pushed off the cliff by the Eater.

HA-HA

I decided to name my chocobo, Henry.

HA-HA

The Dark Magus Sisters kicked my ass and all I could do was watch.

HA-HA

I didn't know I was ordering a death sentence on Gatta or Luzzu, I just wanted to give Gatta sensible advice. At least Lulu got to hear the truth and Waka got a good swing in before Luzzu got sliced in half.

HA-HA

I forgot I had Yuna's Nulshock ability so Sinspawn Gui was probably a lot harder than it had to be. I forgot I had most of my abilities a lot of the time so I just kept relying on Haste.

HA-HA

When I first heard "Wandering Flame" I felt this immense sorrow and sense of failure. The Crusaders fought so hard only for it to all amount to nothing. Wondered what anyone could do to beat Sin. Hearing Gatta scream and breakdown hit me hard.

HA-HA

Ixion is best electric unicorn. Once I remembered his element was lightning the Thunder Plains were much easier.

HA-HA

Why can't I pet the little lemurs bouncing around Djose Temple, Square??? They were begging to be picked up!

HA-HA

I went back around the map before the final battle and those two guards who pretend to arrest you are probably my favorite NPCs. Along with O'aka of course.

HA-HA

Yuna's little bedhead incident got a laugh out of me. It was nice to see the party joyful for once. This was the point when I started to get invested in them.

HA-HA

I really wanted to see the Moonflow at night.

HA-HA

Yuna's shoopuf story was adorable.

HA-HA

I hated Tromell, especially the way he yanked Yuna around.

HA-HA

Going back to Guadosalam I felt bad for the Guado, especially when the Blitzball player apologized on behalf of them all. I enjoyed Tromell's suffering though.

HA-HA

I was against Seymour's marriage proposal from the start.

HA-HA

I cried three times at the Farplane. First with Waka talking to Chappu while Lulu looked on. Then with Yuna talking to her parents and asking Tidus about his. And finally with the parents who were visiting their son after Operation Mi'ihen.

HA-HA

Now that I think about it the concept of the Farplane is kinda messed up.

HA-HA

I was very tempted to choose the third option when Lulu warned Tidus not to fall for Yuna.

HA-HA

I HATE love the Thunder Plains. Between getting ambushed every five seconds and the lightning strikes I haven't been this frustrated with a game since the sliding walls in the Spirit Temple in OOT.

HA-HA

Guess who didn't swing back to Besaid for the Jecht sphere.

HA-HA

I did cry when Auron told Tidus that Jecht does indeed love him. Was nice to see Jecht's changes throughout the story because of Braska's and Auron's influences.

HA-HA

I almost died to that damn Crawler. Luckily Lulu was able to finish it off with Thundara fury before its big beam.

HA-HA

I laughed when Kimahri flipped the snowmobile over.

HA-HA

That temple lady saved all of Spira when she went through Yuna's luggage because Seymour was rushing her around.

HA-HA

I also laughed when Kimahri shoved the priest outta the way. Well deserved.

HA-HA

Perhaps the battle would've gone a lot smoother if I remembered Rikku could steal the guards potions.

HA-HA

Shiva is best ice lady. So she died to Anima, she at least got her revenge against Seymour during the final battle when he got stuck on Blizzaga.

HA-HA

First surprise was seeing O'aka warping. Second surprise was having to actually run from the guards.

HA-HA

Stupid goddamn Yeti bitch from the lowest depths of Hell.

HA-HA

I cried when Kimahri said Rikku should be Rikku at the bottom of Lake Macalania.

HA-HA

I cried when Tidus was talking to Sin. His voice was so tender it felt like the most heartfelt conversation he and Jecht ever had.

HA-HA

Wandering through the desert and picking up those potions, I began thinking the Al Bhed weren't so bad after all.

HA-HA

Poor Kimahri...

HA-HA

Goddamn, son of a bitch Cactuars. At least I got to kill one before the end.

HA-HA

I don't know what Rikku got stuck on, but Tidus had to roam the desert by himself with this strange noise in the background.

HA-HA

Uncle Cid's funny. I will permanently have "Ye haw! Here We Go!" and "The final showdown with Sin-" burned into my memory.

HA-HA

Guess who didn't explore the other rooms in Home before the door shut.

HA-HA

The thing that hit me the most during the big reveal was how sorry Not Valefor looked when Tidus asked her why.

HA-HA

The fight against Evrae was pretty fun, too bad the armor I bought barely helped. Thank goodness for Al Bhed potions.

HA-HA

Yes, the cutscene of storming Bevelle is cool, but boy was it a nerve wracking experience with no save spheres. Stupid flamethrowers, stupid robots. Auron was the only one I had left and he was nearly finished. Luckily his armor break ability was enough to destroy the final robot. I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

HA-HA

I smiled when Kimahri helped Tidus open the door.

HA-HA

Bahamut is best dragon boy. I was in awe of his strength down in Via Purifico and he took the heat most of the time. I liked the way Yuna stood timidly behind him and the way he looked down on her.

HA-HA

I chuckled when Auron commented: "I hate this place".

HA-HA

Despite the whole betrayal thing, I was glad to see Isaaru and his brothers upon returning to Bevelle. Out of the gate Bahamut nuked Not Ifrit with his overdrive and pretty much handled the whole fight until Shiva took over for Not Bahamut.

HA-HA

Good thing I read a YouTube comment about using Phoenix Downs on Evrae Altana.

HA-HA

Is it wrong that I just spammed the Aeons against Seymour?

HA-HA

Water boy and dancing girl big dork couple.

HA-HA

They really just photoshopped the Grand Canyon into the background of the Calm Lands didn't they?

HA-HA

Someone's slipping those chocobos sips of red wine because they're veering off course like tipsy ostriches.

HA-HA

Did you know you can learn Lulu's level three spells before Zanarkand? Spares Tidus from having to get his head repeatedly bashed by the stone guardian.

HA-HA

Yojimbo is the best cheapskate. I slipped him 600,000 gil in order to kill Sin and onwards he cheated me out of Zanmato. At least Yuna petting his dog is cute and the fact that it followed him to the grave is sweet.

HA-HA

Maybe getting pissed when Yenke and Biran called Kimahri hornless is what got me through the fight. Along with high potions and the music.

HA-HA

I cried at Braska's final message for Yuna. Gotta love supportive dads.

HA-HA

Which's more twisted? Mt. Gagazet or Valak Mountain?

HA-HA

Fuck Seymour Flux. Worse than Yunalesca. Did you know if you keep using the Aeons you can restart Tidus's and Yuna's turns? First Strike is a miracle worker.

HA-HA

That janky frame rate on the waterfall made me feel nostalgic for PS2 era graphics.

HA-HA

BIG CHUCHU!

HA-HA

The trials in the caves were fun.

HA-HA

The Sanctuary Keeper was a tough battle until I realized casting Reflect on it stops it from healing.

HA-HA

I straight up bawled during Yuna's goodbye message to the party. First with her and Rikku hugging and when I realized they are cousins. Second thanking Auron for bringing Kimahri into her life. Third was learning that Kimahri hugged her after Braska's death and her begging him not to leave after delivering her to Besaid and saying she likes his horn. Fourth was telling Waka and Lulu they're her big brother and sister and reminiscing about their childhood in Besaid. Finally thanking Tidus for letting her experience her first love.

HA-HA

The background music staying on in Zanarkand gave me this feeling of determination along with watching the pyreflies float about and thinking of the Fayth in the wall. I wanted to avenge them.

HA-HA

I cried over young Auron begging Braska not to go through with destroying Sin.

HA-HA

Hopping around the Spectral Keeper was fun along with the Tetris puzzles.

HA-HA

Yunalesca wasn't as hard as I was expecting her to be. I did die the first time because I removed Zombie. Yuna's Holy was largely responsible for finishing her off along with Shiva. I sure as hell wasn't sticking around for Dark Bahamut.

HA-HA

Ya know, Sin is kinda cute when you look at it from the front.

HA-HA

I smiled when Cid hid his crying. Yuna must've really looked like her mother at that point. Rikku was really impressed with Waka for apologizing for his racism against the Al-Bhed.

HA-HA

I stuck with Tidus, Auron, and Yuna for the final battles. Just felt personal that way.

HA-HA

The City of Dying Dreams gave me similar vibes to Agniratha.

HA-HA

I take back all my hard feelings against the Thunder Plains, the goddamn Nucleus is the 9th Circle of Hell compared.

HA-HA

Jecht's battle was truly amazing. "Otherworld" got my heart pumping and I was on edge the whole time. One scary moment was when Jecht nearly nuked the party, but thankfully I had saved my one and only Mega Elixir. Yuna was the one responsible for defeating Jecht with Holy. They really needed the HD graphics for one frame of Tidus crying over Jecht.

HA-HA

Up until the moment I had to choose who to sacrifice I was in complete denial over the Aeons' ultimate fate. It was a bittersweet feeling in the end. I was happy they were getting to rest, but heartbroken that they were leaving Yuna.

HA-HA

I expected to cry during the final cutscenes, but Auron's "death" hit me the hardest. I kinda forgot he wasn't alive to begin with.

HA!!!!

Final Thoughts:

I had zero expectations for what this game would be like. What I certainly wasn't expecting was it to become one of my favorite games of all time. Those five star reviews were right: it was an emotional journey. Bracing myself for a divisive X2. All and all I'm glad I chose it as my first Final Fantasy. Can't wait to see what else the series has to offer.

I'm going to try VIII next. I'll stumble my way through it but I'll probably have a good time regardless. I hear it's flawed but I like a good underdog and besides, I love XB2, if you wanna know what my tolerance for goofy stuff is.

#final fantasy x #final fantasy 10 #ff10 #final fantasy x/x2 HD remaster #ffx tidus #ffx yuna #ffx auron #ffx lulu #ffx rikku #final fantasy series #gaming memory #nintendo switch #gaming

[monachopsis-11]

After another lovely weekend of struggling with chores and arguing with my dad about it my little sister offered to switch with me. I’ve always kind of been her protector and I tried really hard to protect her before the divorce and now I can’t do that anymore which hurts so much after I spent my childhood sacrificing my feelings so she’d never have to feel alone how I did. But today she was my little guardian Angel and I’m so grateful even though it hurts my dad couldn’t just make the one accommodation I actually asked for.

On the less bright side my dad told me to just live with my mom, I’m trying to take care of myself and stop feeling responsible for their feelings for the first time in my life and do something that’s healthy for me and that hurt. He’s hurt and lashing out like a child but can he not see how ridiculous it is that he’d rather not see me anymore than accommodate me in one tiny way?

After this we went to the store and bought some snacks and socks- just stuff like that and it went better but he had a conversation with my sister later and just feel about and was silent and grouchy all night.

Then I heard him screaming in his bedroom about how “everyone fucking hates him even though he tries so hard and he’s doing his fucking best!” He has to know that the door isn’t sound proof but thank god my sister said she didn’t hear what he said and I think she was telling the truth. I’m just so confused, no one said anything about hating him, I asked for one small accommodation and told him I wasn’t happy with the decisions I’d already told him I wasn’t okay with before he made them (a fact he claims to have forgotten???)

I feel so awful because hyper empathy sucks like that and I don’t understand. He’s a good person and he loves us and works harder than anyone I’ve ever met but he uses those things to justify every bad decision he makes before running to his girlfriend and spilling all my deepest secrets like I didn’t talk to him about something difficult in confidence and she backs up his toxic beliefs.

To be honest I think she’s influencing him, telling him everything he’s doing is right and perfect and we’re just kids who need to adjust? I have no idea if it’s on purpose but he and my mom also have much more severe issues since she came into the picture and she just seems like the nicest person ever but I saw some texts between her and my mom on accident and she was awful.

I think she just lets people walk all over her and then redirects or represses that anger until it leaks out onto something else and I have no idea if its genuine because I’ve seen so this weird side of her.

And my moms hurting and my dad is angry and my sister has had to grow up after being the youngest minded person I’ve met and now she’s hurting and angry and she doesn’t know why.

I have no idea how this keeps falling on my shoulders and I’m exhausted.

Sorry for the long post I really just needed to rant, if anyone actually reads this I’m desperate for advice.

#sorry for the rant #rant post #autistic experiences #actually autistic #autistic women #self diagnosed autism #invisible disability #autistic meltdown #ableist bullshit #please give me advice #emotional dysregulation #post meltdown #spoonie #divorced parents #child of divorce #family issues #family is hard #hyper empathy #eldest daughter syndrome

[2for2long]

i want to hear everything you think about all the medias your obsessed with even if i’m not in the fandom 😍

I LOVE U ROREVER AND EVER AND FOREVER

tlos

ok so OBVIOUSLY im starting with tlos and atom!!!!!!!! I LOVE it i was literally crying over alex bailey the other night <3 it means a lot to me because (i know it sounds corny and whatever but) it really helped me when i was alone and i just really saw myself in alex and im really attached to her!!!! god the sacrifices she had to make throughout the series? perfect!!!!!

first she lost her dad, and essentially her mom as well which knocked out two of her best friends!! and one can assume that since her brother was far more popular(? had more people to talk to at least if i am remembering correctly) she felt extremely alone for that year after!! and then she gets sent to the fairytale world? with all her role models and comfort characters? a girl could only dream to have that!! and then when she's there she nearly dies (like all main characters <3) and then she's forced to go back!!! back to a world where she doesn't fit in and has no one! and then she gets to go back!!! of course her mom's in danger after being captured but it still mustve felt good to be back. and then she had to defeat ezmia when all hope had been lost!! all on her own!!! and was willing to sacrifice her life to save the world because it was HER world, all that she had!!!!! and then she had to choose between the two worlds she had. the otherworld, a place where she never fit in, but her mother and brother (the only family she had for the past 2 years) were, or the fairytale world, where she BELONGED and had a role other than conner's quiet, smart sister!!!!!! and then in the next book!! she meets rook. and oh i could go on about rook and alex forever they were so tragic!! she met a boy and for the first time felt fairytale love, what she had read about for years, and it all came crashing down again!!! he betrayed her and even though she understood and undoubtedly wouldve done the same to save her father as well (rook had to give away alex's plans to the grand army to save his village from being fed to a dragon) she just couldnt trust him and had to let go but still loved him as a friend!!!

now im a little rocky on what exactly happens in the last 3 books because i read them all at once and it blurs together in my head but!! oh the scene where she meets her role models. she's being hyped up by the very girls that she spent hours thinking and dreaming about and they were all there for HER so that she could save the ones she loved AGAIN!!! and damn rook sacrificing his life for alex, which momentarily lifts her curse only for her to be 10x more destructive because she lost ANOTHER person?? kiss kiss i love it. and i cant forget arthur of course i love those two together!!! the fact he literally sped up his own story just to be with her was so sweet. anyway back to alex <3 she just does so much and lost so much and sacrificed so much but by the end of the series its all WORTH IT shes done it shes grown old in a home where she BELONGS with her family and she and conner are still as close as ever!!!

as for conner bailey i dont really relate much to him </3 not at the start anyway. when i was younger i was much more like alex, a gifted kid and just staying with my books. but now that im older i can see conner more. he lost his best friend too. and then barely a year after that he's introduced to this crazy world where NOTHING is the same, and he doesnt like it, and he wants to go back but his sister wants to do nothing but stay!!! theyre two sides of a coin as intended yk? i think they were grieving their dad in different ways where conner was trying to move on and alex was looking for their dad in the little things but i dont have much reason to that and it doesnt really relate right now so! and when he finally gets home everything keeps changing. ever since his dad died, everything's become turned on it's head and it won't stop changing.

and here i want to take a break from conner and talk more about the differences between conner and alex because i love alex and will never not think about her but also because theyre so different and yet they work so well together. both of them liked it better when their dad was alive; conner had friends, had a dad to joke with, and alex had her books, had a dad to comfort her. when he died, they both started to become more depressed i guess? less themselves. i mean its literally established because conner is said to have kept falling behind in school while alex pushes herself into it. i like to think it was their own ways of coping where conner wanted everything to just stop for a moment and let him take it in because from how its described everything just happened so damn fast, from their dad dying to the funeral to their mom being gone at work to them having to move and it just keeps changing. alex's way of coping seems to have always been to distract herself or immerse herself into something (e.g., fairytales) so she instead does this with her work because it makes her proud to see that something is changing for the better, even if that meant that her dad really was gone.

and then next thing he knows time keeps moving and fuck! he's lost his sister to the fairytale world forever. she chose there, and he chose the otherworld. and then, yes, she's back! but fuck, now their grandma's dead! and damn they have an evil uncle? and god they have to spend more years of their life stopping it? at least he got a gf and a basically-brother out of it. i think he wrote the fairytaletopia series as a way to cope with losing those years of his life because holy shit those were definitely some important years in a person's development and they were just for fighting, what, 3 entire wars?

tldr alex and conner coped with the loss of their father in different ways that ended up making them take different paths in life but because of the adventures they suffered through together they're still as close as ever

(can you tell i think about alex a lot more)

atom

i have a lot of thoughts about this trilogy. first of all im really hoping theres a 4th or that colfer somehow clears up the whole snow queen incident? if xanthous killed her, why is she still alive? wouldnt brystal have done something about it? or any of the fairy council? its well-known she's still around too. so what's up with that?

i love brystal and lucys friendship developing. theyre shown to be best friends in tlos and honestly they seem like more than best friends in atom but thats just me being queer!! (but theres also no way any main character in this series is not some sort of queer, i mean it's literally just. a large metaphor about discrimination. specifically queerphobia but literally just discrimination as a whole. i mean literally sevens whole thing mirrored HORRIBLE groups like nazis and the kkk with them trying to eradicate the fairies and anyone different if that makes sense) i havent reread this series in a while apart from xelrik moments so i cant call out many specifics however!! brystal being the first one to connect to lucy <3

and wow the third book. xanthous being the LITERAL KING OF HELL? hell yeah!!! my man got a boyfriend and a whole army of fire behind him. AND HE TREATS THEM FAIRLY!!! im just confused how elrik manages to stay alive? (i like to think that while xanthous is taking care of the whole tlos thing elrik is watching over the firey pits of hell they rule together <3) i cant express how much i love that colfer just made these two gay asses the RULERS OF HELL. and oh xanthous as a whole!!!

his abusive dad saying he cant do anything unmanly. i love love thinking that eventually, one day, emeralda (emerelda?? i forgot help) helps him realize that being 'unmanly' is okay and helps him work through his trauma cause they have a really cute sibling dynamic!!! <3

also tangerina and skylene are adorable. <3

pjo/hoo/toa

okay well. see. its more than 15 books worth of thoughts. AND I HAVENT EVEN READ TSATS YET BUT I ALREADY LIKE IT

so obviously percys entire character development in pjo is just. mwah <3 he falls flat in hoo and i wish he'd just been a mentor and it be like a passing the sword kind of thing? like oh, the next generation of demigod heroes!! ill help them so they dont have it as hard as i did when i went through a war! and same thing with annabeth. i love their relationship so much. ive always been in love with the friends to lovers dynamic and the way this was pulled off, holy shit. 4 long years of pining and teasing and now theyre in love forever!!

i really love thinking about side characters so im just gonna run through the ones i love the most and why really quick!!!

the stolls!! i LOVED that connor was said to be upset at his brother leaving in toa!! i feel like it showed off their sibling love more yk? i have a LOT of thoughts about them arguing about college. because like yeah 👍👍

all of cabin 10 & 4 <3 im obsessed with them actually!!!!!!!!!! my loves <3 especially drew and lacy and katie <3

THE VICTORS!!!! theyre so so <3 see they r in a trio with drew tanaka and they are a POWER TRIO

ok going into friendgroups now oops!! me when when the thoughts

drew katie bianca in this one au <3 see if bianca lived she would a yearish younger than drew and katie i think and this au deals with that and i made a really long timeline for this au so yall should totally ask me ab it 😋

stolls and leo and will also in an au lmao 💪

ok im tired of talking now ill add more later school is tiring 😋

#sorry im just rambling this isnt gonna make sense #BUT ITS OK I LOVE U SO MUCH THA K U I LOVE TALKING ABOTU THEM IM ACTUALLY TEARING UP #i also am tired of talking rn but i will arrange my thoughts and talk about my interests properly one day #(alex bailey) #asks tag thing

[rcox808]

Being Mothers day I felt the need to write about Mothers..

I'm not so sure about everyone else..

But do we ever see our mothers as people in general when we are young?

Do we actually take their role seriously and take into account what and who they really are?

Do we find their life and their pains and ideas and hold them up for their strength?

I know.. My mom was always just Mom..

Sure I saw her as a person but it was never as someone who may too have had a hard life..

Someone who had, had challenges that she fought the demons from throughout her life..

She fought losing a sister and had polio when she was young.. She held the blame of her baby sister all her life.. She was real yet she was insecure. Taking on family dilemmas that her family before her fought and like her, I have fought..

Depression and anxiety..

I never quite saw her though growing up as the warrior she was..

How much she sacrificed because of her love for us..

She was always just mom..

Someone I could call up and tell my secrets to and she always had just the right things to say..

When she died..

I was given a box of her words..

Hundreds of things she had put down that showed me that my mother was just like all of us..

A woman who fought and eventually gave up to fate and will.. I love her more now because I came to see..

My mother was a hero of sorts..

She raised 5 children and stood tall when her oldest died a terrible death.. Because she was stronger than she ever believed..

I love you Mom..

More than I ever could have possibly lead on..

Thank you..

For being just who you were...

-Lori Brough

From Birds of A Feather

We never know what we have until its gone..

But yet we know what we have..

We just never think we'll lose it..

Oh Mom..

I knew but was selfish.. You are the pieces of me..

That I've come to just love..

-Lori Brough

•-•♡•-•

Art : Nino Chakvetadz

[marshmallowprotection]

I mean, yes, forcing Jihyun is a bad idea but we all saw what happens to him in Ray route. It's not like we as MC didn't try to talk him out of his self-sacrificing ideas there, yet in the end it still went to sh*t.

And yes! Jihyun 100% needed a therapist after what he went through with his mom and the fire. Such a traumatic experience for a child/teen and no one cared except for Jumin.

That's why I will always hate V's father. His treatment of V's mom aside, that mf didn't care about his son at all. Didn't even try to help Jihyun after he barely survived the fire and 10 years later comes back asking "WhY dOeSnT hE wAnT tO SeE mE?"

I wouldn't want to see him at mine and Jihyun's wedding.

Yes, you do talk to Jihyun. You respond and assure him that he can trust in his friends for once. It seems like he's on the track to listen to you in this situation, but he... doesn't. He decides to take what you'd done for Saeran into account. He looked back to Rika and decided he needed to devote himself properly, no longer pushing her demons or suffocating her burning light, but drowning in her fire instead. It was an opening for him to say, "Rika is at her lowest, I can remove her to stop the hurt at Mint Eye."

He takes away the wrong lesson from how MC cared for Saeran and thinks that he needs to try a different approach to help Rika. What he really needed to do was turn to the RFA as he does in his Route and take off the weight of the truth. He and Rika need so much help for their trauma and there's no progress coming when they're both at the point where they decide to drown in disillusion instead.

But, V made that choice for himself. He had the option to move forward but the choice to step back was made. It hurts to watch, however, he made that choice when he could've come with Saeran and MC back to the RFA. In his Route, he was ripped away from Mint Eye and more or less forced into dealing with it. He couldn't avoid it that way. It's not the same in Ray Route because you and Saeran are able to flee together while V lingers in the background.

It's natural to regress and struggle when you're trying to work on getting to the next step. A lot of people don't realize that or get to understand it. It's a messy road to recovery and finding yourself after suffering for so long, and you're not going to come out of it without bruises. V hasn't been helped with his grief or pain at all. He is driven by the weight of his mother's passing. He knows he is. But, even if he is aware of it, it doesn't mean he knows how to move past it or move on.

He's always felt conflicted about his mother... but the weight of him seeing her give her life for him in a fire while the flames scorched his body? That's traumatic in ways that I can't even explain. There's not a doubt in my mind that he's got burn scars despite what his mother did for him. He's covered in aches and pains from that experience. It isn't something that he could've helped on his own. He had Jumin at the time, but Jumin was a child just like him. Jumin did what he had the ability to do for him, and V was lucky to have that much.

Jihyun's Father is a piece of work. V's got a stepmother and a half-sister that not many people know about because a good chunk of the information is in the Special Believer box thanks to Rika's Diary. His dad made another family and he was just the remains of a broken marriage that had no clue of the extent of the truth because his dad easily lied to his face. V was made to believe certain things because his dad weaponized him against his mother.

The emotional neglect and abuse that V suffered run deep. Even as he tried to make some kind of relationship with his mother, his dad was right there, tugging and pulling strings that ruined it. He was so fearful of his father. His realization that truly being himself in front of that man was so bad, he was willing to yell at his mother for trying to do something nice for him. He couldn't understand that she tried to help him come out of his shell.

He was too afraid of his father to do anything... and he didn't come to realize that until he was older and had the means to make sense of it. His mother suffered because of his father, and she continued to hurt because of the things that man did to her son. Yet, never once did his mother stop loving him. She loved him until he died for him, and will continue to love him as a spirit beyond this Earthly realm. That kind of eternal love influenced Jihyun about as much as his intense fear of becoming his father.

"Never abandon the ones you love, even if means you lose your life to protect them because you know they deserve the world" mixed with "If you abandon the ones you once loved, they will suffer and it's all your fault for being selfish enough to put your want first" is not a very good combination.

To the extreme end, these teaching mold V into the person he later becomes. He becomes a person that refuses to give up even though he's burning himself alive and unfortunately... in his doing so, taking other people down with him. You see the extreme ends of this while you play Ray Route and 707 Route... because nothing keeps him in check and forces him to see the problem the way that it does in his route.

I think that's one of the interesting things about him. The way that he will burn himself to no end to save others. He and Saeyoung actually have that in common, unfortunately.

However, I totally support you beating the shit out of Jihyun Kim's father. Call me when you do. I have been waiting to hit that man with a bat for God knows how long.

#ask #anon #mod kait

[fellthemarvelous]

Hello lovely mutual! I’m normally more of a lurker and not normally one to reach out to strangers, but I saw you’re recent post about having a bad anxiety day and decided to push back against my own anxiety a little. I, too, having being having a rough go of it lately. The racing, pounding heart, the spiraling negative thoughts, feeling like I don’t know or can’t trust my own mind. I see you, I get it.

And I wanted to reach out to tell you that your blog has brought me comfort these past couple weeks. Every time you post I’m like “omg yessss!!!” I came for the good omens, stayed for the politics, and definitely knew I was in the right place when I saw you share my love of Spike!

Anyway, to close out this wine drunk ramble, thanks for being brave enough to talk about your struggles. I wouldn’t wish those kinds of feelings on my worst enemy, but it does help a little to know that none of us are alone in this. I hope you get a reprieve soon. I’m rooting for you and I’m glad you exist!

I'm sorry you're having a rough go with anxiety lately as well! I am one of those people who always makes my situation worse because I avoid dealing with my problems by putting them off and leaving them for Future Me to deal with, which contributes to the self-loathing because of how angry I become with myself for losing the ability to function properly, but it's also how I learned how to cope with life as a small child. It's scary when you struggle to trust your own mind. I doubt myself all the time because of it. It's sad to realize just how many people struggle with these same problems but we all feel alone even though we aren't.

I'm really glad my blog brings you comfort and I hope it continues to do so!

Finding another Spike fan is such a joy!! I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!

He is my ALL-TIME FAVORITE FICTIONAL CHARACTER!!!!! He brings me so much joy because he's so fucking fascinating and he had the mother of all redemption arcs. I could go on about him for HOURS!!!!!!!

James Marsters took that role, knowing they were going to kill Spike off a few episodes later, and said FUCK THIS by making the fans love him so much that they ended up having to add him on full-time in season four and then moving him over to Angel after Buffy ended.

Look at this soulless monster sobbing over the dead body of his mortal enemy that he fell in love with!! 😭

He watched Passions with Buffy's mom and babysat Buffy's sister. He mourned Joyce when she died and he let a god beat the ever-loving shit out of him just to protect Dawn and all of this was long before he even went and fought to have his soul returned to him.

I love the way that even after he was turned into a vampire, William never really left. Whatever demon took over his body inherited William's mommy issues and he still wrote poetry and took care of Drusilla after she was injured because he loved her so much.

I love the way that Spike went to Joyce after Drusilla dumped him because he needed someone to talk to and she gave him hot chocolate with the little marshmallows that he loved.

Buffy: My mom! Spike: OUR mom! Buffy: 😤

Angel was cursed with a soul but Spike fought for his because he was horrified by the monster he was.

Spike is a fucking icon and I will love him for the rest of my life.

My boy proved himself to Buffy and he became her biggest defender when all her friends turned against her. I LOVE HIM.

He sacrificed his life so Buffy could keep living hers. 😭

#answer #saltyhunters #anxiety #mental health #you are not alone 💙 #spike #i fucking adore him so much #i didn't mean to go on about him this long #but i just have a lot of feelings