#like my heart was ripped out of my fucking chest

[secretly-tumb1r]

he hit me at it felt like a kiss -Stephen glass x reader

warnings- 18+,violence, p in v sex, minors dni, degrading, breeding kink goes brrrr

(he’s so slutty in this gif i caaanntttt)

masterlist

sex with STEPHEN GLASS was out of this world. His gentle hands would softly caress your skin, his soft lips would press aganist your ears uttering sweet words as his slow thrusts stopped your heart from beating.

you loved it. adored it. but one night everything changed.

he walked through the door, silent. “hey babe how was work?” you smile widely and greet him. his silence was odd, normally he would pepper your face with kisses till neither of you could breathe, but now he barely even looked at you.

“upstairs now.” his voice was barely above a whisper but you heard it. your brow cocked up in confusion as you’d never seen him this angry before, but you obliged and went up.

he followed suit behind you and when you got to your room he slammed the door. “off” he tugged at your shirt and pants. excitement and fear seeped through you and into your panties, dampening them.

he pushed you roughly onto the bed and you heard his belt hit the floor, he turned you over so your ass was in the air and ripped off your panties, literally. his rough hand flew up in the air and smacked your ass, hard, earning a moan from you.

with no warning, no preparation, he thrusted quick and hard inside your sopping hole, making it easy to as you were soaked in arousal. his hand wrapped around your hair tugged your head back “you like this huh? you fucking slut i feel the way your pussy is clenching around me” this was a drastic contrast of his usual soft, sweet self, but you would be a moron to be complaining.

you had never imagined someone so gentle could do such violent things yet ignite such a fire in the depth of your stomach. you loved the way his big hand sounded against your ass, and it truly felt like the deepest kiss there was to offer.

his grip on your hair tightened as his free hand snaked around your front and rubbed tight circles on your puffy clit, earning pornographic moans from you. he pulled you so far up your arched back was now against his chest and you would feel the rumble in his chest as he chuckled a deep laugh at how you were squirming beneath him.

he abruptly pulled out and pushed you on your back. his hard cock teasing your entrance, in and out and in and out again, his fingers never leaving your clit. suddenly you felt it. something strange like never before. with a scream you let go and soaked Stephen. “fuck baby, yes, fuck gimme more” you squirted again this time he knelt down and slurped it all up

you were sure you were seeing stars, this was paradise. your body began to shake as he stood up and began a hard fast pace inside your tired pussy again. he bent down and whispered filthy words into your ear. “you like this hm? you like daddy pounding this tight pussy while i say what a slut you are don’t you? fucking whore squeezing me so good” your nails jabbed his toned back earning a sweet groan into your ear. the sound made you clench impossible hard around his cock and his hips stuttered

“fuck- fucking slut. you want my cum hm? you want me to get you fucking pregnant don’t you? gonna knock you up so good baby”

his pace quickened even more and his groans along with skin slapped skin filled the room, the bed was hitting the wall but all you could care about was the sounds that the man above you made into your ear.

you came for the 3rd time around him and that’s when he lost it. he looked down to see where you joined to see a ring of your cream coating his dick. with a whimper he released into you, once, twice, three times.

he pulled out and got his fingers and pushed the cum back inside “not waisting a drop baby” he mumbled lowly. he licked his fingers clean moaning at the taste of your arousals mixed together and kissed you hungrily.

as you caught your breath, he took you into his arms. “you did so good f’me baby, so good”

“stephen, who ever angered you, id like to thank them personally”

#secretly tumblr #18+ #stephen glass #james kelly #anakin x you #anakin x reader #anakin imagine #anakin smut #anakin fanfiction #star wars anakin #anakin skywalker #stephen glass x reader #stephen glass x you #stephen glass imagine #james kelly x reader #james kelly x you #james kelly x y/n

[dsireland86]

PANIC ATTACK

Noah Sebastian x Reader

I saw this picture and wrote this quick one-shot based on it. Haven't edited it. Fingers crossed it isn't too horrible LOL

18+ below the cut

Mentions of anxiety/panic attack, smut, language

The moment was too much. I was spinning out of control. Standing in the center, surrounded by the screams and shrieks of so many girls wanting my attention was ripping me apart from the inside out and I was starting to panic. It wasn't I didn't love what I do, it's just that sometimes it all got a little too much and the fog just wouldn't clear up when I needed it to. My chest was tight. My head was spinning. “Try to breathe, try to focus. Relax." Her words filled my head as the tears began to blur my vision. If only I could get through the moment; get through the darkness and find the source of my stability and peace. If I could get through this panic attack and back into her arms, I’d be okay. 

The screams; they were digging into my soul, demanding things from me I couldn’t give. The lights were too bright, pointing out all my flaws that were looking for shelter from the scrutiny, tell me I wasn't cut out for this and that I needed to give it all up. I couldn’t swallow the demons this time. They were overtaking me now. 

The song ended and I pulled my in-ear out while making my way to the back. The pounding pain in my chest was growing, the air becoming less in my lungs as I walked over to a chair to sit down. The muffled voices of my bandmates were vaguely heard as I sat, trying to rid myself of the panic overtaking me. Hands on my knees, I closed his eyes, breathing in deeply through my nose and letting it out slowly. “I don’t have time for this. The pitch was way off. My in-ear piece isn’t balanced. Why are the lights so bright? They aren’t supposed to be that bright. What’s Matt doing up there? He’s supposed to be watching this shit. Why is my head pounding? I feel like I’m going to puke. Fuck. I can’t breathe. My chest hurts.” I threw my hands to my head, squeezing it to rid it of the noise while trying to steady my breathing. But I was failing short. The thoughts wouldn’t turn off, the feelings would stop, and my heart rate increased making my breathing more forced. Fuck. “I don’t need this right now. Get your shit together Davis. Get it together!” I criticize myself over and over. 

“Noah. Noah, hey! Baby, hey, I’m here. Look at me.” She found me. I knew she would. She always heard my heart calling for her. I was safe. “Noah.” Taking my face delicately between her hands, she lifted it, finding my eyes immediately. “Shit, Noah,” she sighed, dropping to her knees before me and wrapping me up tightly in her arms. My head fell to her shoulder and I buried my face in the crook of her neck, breathing in the familiar scent of the only thing that gave my life meaning. I threw my arms around her, hands pressed flat against the thin black fabric of her tank that barely covered her soft pale skin and revealed the green ivy that ran from one collarbone, up around her shoulder, along the top of her back, down around her other shoulder and stopping at her other collarbone. Many nights we laid naked together, soaked in the glow of the connection and oneness we were building together, and I would trace the vines that wrapped themselves around her with the tip of my finger, feeling the warmth and life of her body. I wanted that right now.

The feeling her hands were giving me as they dragged themselves slowly up and down my back calmed me, soothing my soul and guiding me past the monster that had become too big for me to fight alone. She was my savior; my guiding light in the ocean of his brutal, chaotic darkness. “Just breathe with me, Noah. Just breathe.” Rising to her feet, she threw her legs on either side of my legs, straddling me for a moment before sitting down on my lap and looping her arms around my tattooed neck. I could feel her soft heat pressed tight against my length that, no matter the circumstance, always got hard when she was near me. I grunted while she positioned herself until she was satisfied, bringing her face close to mine. Her cheek brushed over mine, taking on some of the sweat that was dripping from me like rain droplets. That was one thing that never bothered her; how much I’d sweat during shows. She would tell me it only made fucking her easier, especially when we were in a hurry. God what I wouldn’t give to fuck her right now. “Jolly, how much time do we have?” She asked without looking at me, making my heart skip a beat.  A moment passed before Jolly answered. “About eight minutes.” “That’s enough,” she whispered in my ear. Now that I was a little calmer, no longer on the brink of hyperventilating, she got up off me and pulled me to my feet. Taking my hand, she quickly dragged me off towards the back of the venue.

“Where are we going?” I asked, but knowing her, I think I already knew. “I’m taking you to get some release.” My dick twitched beneath my black trousers that were sticky wet with sweat. I stopped, pulling her back, sending her crashing into me. “Right here’s fine,” I clarified, sliding my hand behind her head and pulling her lips into mine and kissing her as if my very existence depended on it. It didn’t take her long to have my pants undone and falling to the floor and my cock that was completely thick and hard for her alone, caught in the grip of her small yet strong hand. She pumped it quickly, back and forth between her vice grip touch. “Fuck, baby,” I breathed, locking her against the wall with both of my arms outstretched and hands press flat against the wall. She continued to work me, sliding her thumb over my sensitive tip and spreading the pre-cum that was seeping out all over. “Oh my god, baby,” I sighed, finally feeling the stress and anxiety roll off my shoulders. My head hung low, loose threads of my hair falling over my eyes as I stared intently and directly into her eyes. “I know you like this,” she confirmed, tightening her grip as I began to thrust hard into her first. “Fuck yeah I like it,” confessing through gritted teeth. She smiled. “I know it was what you needed.” “I just need you.” She grinned licking her lips. “You always have me. Whenever, wherever.”

The way she whispered her words sent ungodly shivers down my spine creating that wildfire desire to claim her right then. “Fuck me,” I growled, taking her by the shoulder. My dick slipped quickly from her hand as I threw her gently over the small table that just happened to be nearby. I took it as a sign. “Bend over and spread your legs,” I ordered, and she willingly complied with a smile, positioning her body in the perfect position. Without a word spoken, I yanked her bottoms down, revealing her small perky ass. I slid my hand over the soft skin, smacking it hard enough to leave my handprint and she squealed, making my throbbing cock twitch, spilling more pre-cum. “You like that didn’t you baby?” She nodded with a whimper. “Yeah, I know you do,” smacking the tender flesh again. “That might leave a mark, but that’s okay. I like marking what’s mine.” This time her whimper turned it into a beautiful moan, making my stomach flutter. “That’s it, princess, fucking moan for me. Tell me how this feels." I bend over her and insert two long fingers at a time inside her soaking wet cunt that was mine.

Fucking her with just my fingers for a few seconds, which pulled more beautiful moans from her, I pulled them out, wiping her juices on my dick. With my hand pressed firmly on the middle of her back, I raised her up just enough until I was aligned perfectly with her opening and entered her, ravaging her pussy like it was my last time. Groaning the moment my cock slipped into her and felt her inner walls rub up against it, I threw my head back and grabbed her hips, guiding her sweet pussy back and forth as I rutted against her walls. “Motherfucker, that’s it baby, cry for me.” Her noises were empowering, melting away every negative feeling. The sound of smacking flesh became the only thing I could hear besides the enticing sounds falling from her lips. “You look so fucking good like this, baby, bent over and vulnerable. Do you have any idea what you do to me? What just the thought of your pussy and how it feels when I slide my dick in and out of it!” I grunted, a deep growl escaping quickly after. “Noah,” she whined, slamming her palms on the table to help brace herself. “Noah, harder,” she panted. “I need you to go harder. Go deeper baby, please,” she begged. I gave her what she begged for. Fucking her a brutal pace, I tore her cunt apart, releasing every anxious feeling, every fucked up thought I had about myself into her and expecting her to take it. “Goddamn you’re fucking take me so good, baby girl,” I growled. Reaching around her front, I wrapped my large hand around her small throat, tightening my grip until her noises came out in only choked sobs. Her arousal soaked my cock buried deep inside her, making it hard to stay in so I wrapped my other arm around her, lifting her and holding her tight in the nook of my arm. The new position had her screaming out my name, and I fucking loved it. “That’s it, princess. Tell them who you belong to. Tell them who fucks you so good.” I released my grip on her throat, letting her head drop. “Fuck, Noah, god please do stop. I’m almost there,” she panted with a whine. “Use your fingers on that beautiful clit, baby. Help me make you cum.” I took her hand and placed it where I wanted it, locking her fingers with mine as we began to circle her clit that I was dying to have a taste of. “I fucking want you in my mouth,” I told her. “After the show, I’m going to devour your pussy with my mouth until I have you screaming out my name again.” Her whines became short and rapid and her cunt clutched around my aching cock, telling me she was about to cum, and I was more than ready for her to. I was harder than a rock and needed my release now. “Fuck, Noah, f-fuck, fuck,” she screamed. Her body shuddered, proof of the tension leaving her body as she cried out and came undone. I could feel the warmth of her cum spread over my dick, making her wetter than before, but I didn’t stop. I wasn’t going to until I came all over her back. Her body went limp, forcing me to hold her up while continuing to pound into her, grunting more and more as my build up grew closer. “Noah, baby,” she called softly. “Yeah princess,” I answered in between thrusts. “I love you, Noah. You’re stronger than the battle waging inside you. I promise.” Her words hit my heart like the sun bursting through the darkest clouds, brightening my mind and filling my soul with life once again. “I love you too, Princes.” The rawness in my voice matched the desire in my heart, dark and fathomless and so visceral I felt it in my bones. It was her words, spoken in the most compassionate, sympathetic, and sincere way, that finally tipped me over the edge. My hips stuttered, jerking hard and with one last powerful thrust I pulled out of her, growling as I painted the canvas of her back with my cum. My eyes rolled back with relief from the overly needed release. 

I stayed hovered over her for a while, allowing my body to come down from the high. We were both breathless, panting and spent. Kissing her shoulder, I told her to stay put while I went and found something to clean her up with. Once finished and dressed, I pinned her against the wall once more, kissing her luscious lips. “You’re my rock, Princess,” I confessed, caressing her cheek. “You’re the reason I can still do this job.” I pressed my lips to hers again, feeling her smile as her hand made its way to my face. “You’re braver and stronger than you think, Noah. You just don’t realize it.” Her belief in me was incomparable to anything else and gave me strength I didn’t know I needed. “Come on, I have to get you back. Matt’s probably passed out from an anxiety attack himself by now.” I chuckled, taking her hand and following her to the stage.

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian fanfiction #bad omens fanfiction #bad omens cult #noah sebstian fan fic

[sgojoenthusiast]

scary? my god, you’re divine.

✧.* satoru gojo x reader.

summary:

a curse invades your home but you’re saved by none other than satoru gojo - who takes your breath away in the most beautiful way.

cw: descriptions of violence, blood, injury, psychological trauma & distress, hospitals, reader is a non-sorcerer, like one like where the reader wants to die, talks about death, not exactly love at first sight but can be interpreted as such. honestly i’m so in love with gojo so this is just me projecting. fuck 261. this may be more of me indulging in my need to write horror lol

word count: 4.4k

likes, comments & reposts are deeply appreciated! <3 enjoy.

-`♡´-

The walls of your chest were closing in as your breathing gradually increased in its pace. One of your palms flew to your chest whilst the other searched for some sort of a grip on the wall beside you.

Stupidly, you had backed yourself into a corner, and now all you could do was feel the streams of tears cascade down your cheeks and land on your scrambling legs like waterfalls crashing down into the rocks below.

You tried everything you could for some sort of leverage. One hand scraped at the wall and the other at your heart whilst your legs pushed and pushed at the floor as if you could nudge yourself any further into the corner you were in.

Finding some rationality, you attempted to slow your breathing down, deciding that steady and stifled breaths would be better than attracting attention to yourself by making more noise. Though, there was nothing you could do about the sound of your heart beating erratically like it had more sense than you as it tried everything it could to escape.

At first, you had clawed your way through the halls of your home. Lights flickered, floorboards creaked, and you grunted and groaned as you fought your way through inescapable death. Yet, once you had realised every exit took you back to the entrance, and that you were in some sort of an endless maze within your own home, your mind sank into illogicality and you collapsed onto the floor as your legs gave in from fear.

It was the reverberating echo of several burly legs loitering outside the door that snapped some residue sense into your head and forced you to sit up.

There were tears staining your swollen face and it took every ounce of composure to bite your lip to muffle your cries. You wanted to scream. To wail and call for help. Yet you knew that would get you nowhere but trouble.

So for now, you hoped and prayed someone heard the sounds of slamming, glass shattering and your previous shouts and had the brilliant idea of calling the police.

But what would they do? You had seen that thing. It was horrifying. From the moment its wide, crooked smile appeared suddenly before you, a piece of you knew this would be the end. At first, you had thought you had finally gone insane. That some chord in your mind had snapped and now you had resorted to seeing things. However, when your back hit the wall across the room and you let out a shriek of agony, you knew that the monster before you was real, and so was the likelihood of certain death.

Your head suddenly raised at the splintering sound of wood snapping.

The unsettled beating of your heart ceased. The struggling of your limbs too. Each bone in your body abandoned life and shut down - refusing to move.

In front of you, the white frame of the door, decorated with faded and torn paint, had an oozing, inky smoke unfurling at a leisurely pace across the old frame, stopping shortly at the wall. In the space where the door used to conceal your existence, was one giant red eye that scanned across the entirety of the room before settling on its target - you. It blinked twice, before the door was ripped from its hinges and the wall had shrunk in size - replaced by a gigantic hole ripping through.

Soon enough the creature was crawling over to you, its legs widely shuffling across the room, scuttling closer and closer until one had slashed across your stomach, painting your top with a deep red. An agonised shout parted from your lips and your hand flew to the gash, yet you had no time to recover before another deformed limb was lifting you up against the wall by your neck.

Now, both of your hands coordinated an attack on the void-like limb, scratching and fighting at its hold around your throat in an attempt to get it off you. Your efforts were seemingly futile, however, evident by the way your vision was becoming a blur and each thought of freedom and survival was being crushed by the surface of its contorted leg.

You could only think thoughts of death, and how it wasn't coming soon enough.

Just when you thought it had ended, a radiating beam blinded your vision. The grip on your throat had been released, yet with both the ringing in your ears that muffled all other noise and the searing pain that tore through your entire body, you truly believed that you had already died. You fell to the floor once more and curled yourself up for whatever kind of familiar warmth you could acquire.

You shut your eyes tight, embracing the light they said would come to you in these final moments. But when nothing came, and the screaming wound lingered in your side, you delicately opened up one eye, moving your head slightly to look up.

There was no light. No God or unearthly being descending from above to take your hand and guide you to the afterlife. No, instead there was the back of a man. You couldn't see his face, but he was dressed from head to toe in a dark shade of blue like the hues of the night sky, and the more you stared, the more you believed you had been transported to a place you could only reach after death. However, when your eyes drifted upwards, they made out the sight of white strands of hair, and a slender hand reaching to the back of his head to undo the band of black that was wrapped firmly around it.

His hair fell down gracefully, as did one of his hands to his side, blindfold in tow, the opposite hand was raised to meet the height of his head. The sounds of his words were muffled, but you could make out an arrogant laugh and from the way the beast had halted all movements and instead opted for staring wide-eyed at the man standing in front of you, he had said something that injected fear through the monster's veins.

You could have sworn that you only closed your eyes for half a second. Yet, one blink later, and the monster's head had ceased to ever sit on its neck. The black fog that had clouded your senses and suffocated your lungs was dissipating, and there were remnants of its insides splattered on the walls and floor.

The white-haired man caught your fading gaze, and the moment his eyes connected with yours, you felt your heart slow and time stop.

His eyes.

They were angelic. Perhaps you were dead because there was nothing so heavenly like the shades of the sky in his eyes on Earth. There was nothing so remarkable, so flawless. You didn't want to blink, not even as your eyes watered and started to sting. Yet the frailty of your exhausted body refused to let you have this one thing, and so you broke the connection temporarily only to rebuild it back up again.

He began to make his way back over to you, yet you struggled to find the strength to move in order to meet him halfway. You couldn't even find the strength to move your aching body off the floor or your bruised hand of your throbbing wound. Still, with a pained wince you moved to a more comfortable position in between being flat on your back and straight on your arm.

You looked up at him from your tilted position and he kneeled down beside you. "You alright? Can you walk?"

You shook your head as best as you could, he simply stared down at you with a confusing look sparkling in the depth of his eyes - the ones you couldn't look away from.

"That's okay, sweetheart. Help is coming." He smiled at you.

Gojo was puzzled by the look on your face. For some reason, you hadn't stopped staring at him since he turned around. He assumed that perhaps it had something to do with the curse. Was it a response to the trauma you had endured? Had it cursed you? Was it him that you were afraid of? He certainly hoped not. From the moment he saw your face, albeit not in particularly amazing conditions considering you were being strangled and were halfway to death's doorstep, he felt a tingling sensation in his stomach and a pulling in his heart.

There was something about you, there had to have been for you to illicit such a reaction from every part of him within seconds of your meeting. Fuck, he prayed that he hadn't frightened you off.

"I hope I didn't scare you." He said softly, yet laughed humourlessly in a way for him to play it cool and demonstrate how you had nothing to be afraid of. With as much care and delicacy as he could muster, one hand went underneath your head, gently trying to lift you up as his other hand reached for your waist.

You looked at him with furrowed brows, as though the implications of him scaring you were nothing short of laughable. Though, as you read the thoughts behind his eyes, you could tell there was a hint of genuine concern laced within them.

This stranger, who you had never met before, felt concerned for you and had saved your life. Yet, he was anxious that he had scared you? It was a ridiculous insinuation.

"Scared me? No, it's just, that you're beautiful." Your voice was growing weaker, and just in time, you heard the sounds of more footsteps growing closer and closer. Yet your eyes focused on the way his eyes widened before he smiled, just as genuine as his concern.

"Oh yeah?" He provoked. "No need to fall for me this quickly, sweetheart. Plenty of time for that."

Ordinarily, if someone had been so bold as to suggest something like that, you would have scoffed in their face and walked away. Yet the deeper meaning of comfort he was trying to provide you with, the one that showed you that you weren't dying anytime soon, was all you needed to laugh and reply coarsely with, "We'll see about that."

The last thing you heard as you dozed off peacefully was the sound of his laugh and the feeling of his touch passing you onto someone else's.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

There was an overwhelming light above you, one that was strong enough to pierce through your eyes despite the fact they were shut tightly. The light surrounding you felt like a thousand blinding suns beaming down at you from above as though you were encased in a circle of light that was urging you awake. You groaned softly, shuffling your head to the side in an attempt to bury it in the pillow and escape from the natural, ringing alarms of the light.

A pillow? Had you been dreaming? All it took was for you to try shifting onto your side to alert you that, no, you hadn't been dreaming. You winced painfully as the realisation slapped you across the face. Everything was real. The fight, the struggle, the... the monster. A trail of goosebumps washed over your body and you screwed your eyes shut like doing so would erase the memories of what had happened.

However, once you realised that he was also real, your eyes softened and in all the darkness of what you had experienced that day, the idea that the man who had saved your life was really out there, and that monster wasn't. That realisation alone was enough to wash a sense of tranquillity and closure over you.

"I wouldn't try to move if I was you." A female voice rang out - one you didn't recognise. You had already assumed that you were in a hospital, so the unfamiliarity didn't scare or panic you. Simply, your eyes slowly opened to the sight of a brunette woman in a doctor's coat, and your suspicions had been confirmed. You wondered if she knew anything of what happened.

It dawned on you that perhaps, your situation wasn't original. The man that had saved you seemed to be experienced and knew what he was doing. However, surely you would've heard if there was a mass of monsters plaguing the Earth that you lived on.

"What happened?" You questioned tentatively, voice weak and dry. Although you could practically recall the events with no missing details, you wanted to know more about the thing that had attacked you and you hoped that the doctor would have some sort of a clue if she was the one treating you. She handed you a cup of water which you accepted eagerly, reaching your hands out and thanking her quickly before you immediately went to relinquish yourself of the dry throat that had been scratching and tormenting you since you had woken up.

You saw a pass clipped to her coat as a form of identification. The name on the pass flashed across your eyes as 'Shoko', to which you took a note of before quickly returning your gaze back to hers.

"You were attacked by a curse - and no I won't. explain what that is. You can ask Gojo." She was wandering around the room slowly, head down as she wrote down a few things. Occasionally, she would you a question in regards to your health. Her voice lowered to a tone barely above a whisper. "Sure he'd love to answer considering he's been not-so-subtly asking about you non-stop."

"What was that, sorry?" You asked sincerely, placing the cup down on the bedside table. Looking up at her, you could tell she had a tired look adorning her features, however, there was a slight smirk playing on her lips as well.

You thought more about her words. Gojo. Who was that? A curse? What does that even mean? Not long ago, you were oblivious to all of this, unaware that such creatures were roaming around.

Shoko waved a dismissive hand in your direction. "Nothing. Anyway, I'm only here to make sure that the curse left no lingering side effects that would need treatment. Luckily for you, you're in the clear. So when you're all healed up, you're a free woman."

'Free wasn't necessarily how you would describe it. You recall parts of your house being smashed up by the monster - or, curse, as Shoko had labelled it.

You had so many questions. Some in regards to the curse, others more personal and unanswerable that pertained to your future. You had no idea what you'd do once you left, and that scared you.

Shoko began to place her things into her bag, taking out a cigarette in the process and placing it between her lips as she held the lighter to her side ready for when she left.

"How long have I been here?"

She looked up at you from where she was focused packing her things. "A little under a week. You're very lucky Gojo had saved you when he did. Or else, you probably wouldn't be here."

So that's who Gojo was. You perked up a little at the mention of the man who had saved you. Even if it was just once, you wanted to see him. To thank him, at the very least. "You, uh...You mentioned something about me asking him about the curse. Does that mean he'll stop by?"

You looked down, fiddling with the sheet covering your injured body, wanting to avoid her questioning gaze that most certainly had a knowing glint in it.

She merely let out a small laugh and shook her head in something similar to disbelief. "Probably. Although, he doesn't usually find himself checking up on the people he saved." Picking up her bag, she reached for the door handle. "I've gotta head out. Feel better soon, okay?"

You thanked her once again, giving her a small wave as she headed out the door.

Truthfully, you didn't know whether or not to be discouraged by her words. On one hand, she had told you that he'd probably stop by. On the other, she mentioned that he doesn't usually. Deciding not to dwell on it too much, you closed your eyes once more as another nurse walked in to take the place of Shoko, beginning to do more check-ups.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

About a week had passed by when you were finally discharged from the hospital. During that time, your close friends and family had all come to check on you. Your best friend and co-worker had offered you her spare room whilst your house was having repairs done to it. It was a nice arrangement, considering the two of you owned a bakery together so that on the days you were feeling better you had someone who could take you down. You didn't actually start working again until about a month after you had been discharged and your injuries were mostly healed up.

There was only one thing missing. Gojo had never stopped by like the doctor had told you he might, which left you with a feeling of disappointment. You tried not to let it bother you too much, but it was difficult knowing you had never been able to thank him. Another man had stopped by, however. You assumed he had some sort of a connection to Gojo and Shoko, given that he had only stopped by to ask you to sign a form that would prevent you from being able to tell anyone about what had happened. He came very shortly after Shoko, meaning you had to lie to your friends and family by telling them it was another person who had broken into your home. You signed it anyway after he assured you it was for their safety and for the safety of others.

Now, a little over a month later, you were doing a lot better. You struggled to even close your eyes at night, sometimes, and often couldn't walk through the streets on your own. But other than that, your injuries had healed, you were far less paranoid than you were a month ago and your home was close to being ready.

You were sat at the counter of the bakery you shared with your best friend, scrolling mindlessly through your phone. It was quiet, today, only a few people wandering in and ordering something to go - with it being a Monday and all.

Unexpectedly, you heard the bell ring as the door opened. Immediately, you stood up and tucked your phone into your pocket, rushing to greet the customer. However, upon looking up to see the person who walked in, you stopped suddenly in your tracks. You blinked, yet he was still there.

You thought about him so often, your mind wandering whenever you were left alone with your thoughts for too long. You thought about the way his hair crashed across his features like waves when he took off his blindfold. You thought about how he turned to look at you with those eyes locked on yours. Those eyes - so entrancing. It was as though he had bewitched you and put you under a spell the moment he looked at you because you were so enamoured by him that you didn't dare to blink. You thought about how it was apparent that he never seemed to think about you - and that made you want to reach over the counter and slap him a little. Although, especially after he saved your life, what did he owe you? Absolutely nothing. So instead, you simply watched him walk over to you with a small smile on his face.

His coat was covered in snow from the outside rampage of white whisps and cold air. Though it wasn't incredibly obvious that there wasn't any, he shook his head slightly and a few remaining flakes of snow fell from the frozen tips of his hair. Although it was winter now, he sported a pair of sunglasses - to which you assumed it was for a reason related to why he was wearing that blindfold.

For the past month, you couldn't help but wonder whether or not his angelic presence was the result of your delirious and pain-stricken state. However, upon observing him now, you determined that he really was captivating in every way. And something was telling you that he was looking at you with the same impression, although you pushed the thought away, dismissing it as foolish hope.

You had no idea what to say to him. You had been waiting for this moment for so long, yet you never thought about what you might say. Thankfully, he decided to speak up first as he peaked over the edge of his glasses at you.

"I've been looking for you." He started, his voice seemingly breathless like he'd run a mile just to get here to you - like he was tired of looking, but his work had finally paid off. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner - when you've got a job like mine it's-"

"Thank you." You interrupted. The mention of his job had smacked some sense into you as you were reminded of what he had done for you. He looked slightly taken aback. It wasn't something he heard often, but when he did it was as though he was reminded why he did this in the first place - let alone hearing it from you. The girl he hadn't been able to shake out of his head since the moment he saw her, the one he yearned to see just one more time because she looked at him like she understood him and that was all he could ever ask for. "Can I get you something?"

Gojo smiled at that, taking you up on your offer as you grabbed him his order (on the house, of course) and finally sat down with the one you had wanted nothing more than to just sit and talk with - and you did. The two of you talked for hours, occasionally interrupted by a customer or two. You thanked him profusely to the point where he threatened to leave jokingly if you thanked him again. He explained everything to you and answered all of your silent questions for you that you had to keep close to your chest for the past month. Yet, most importantly, you talked about each other. And the more you talked, the more your heart raced and heat rushed over your entire body.

The all-powerful Satoru Gojo never expected to find himself so infatuated by somebody, yet when he saved you that day, there was an inexplicable fire that was lit from within him. He'd never seen anybody so beautiful, and he had never been recognised by anything other than he strength during moments like that. When you had complimented him, he knew from within that it wasn't solely his physical characteristics you appreciated, but also the person he was inside. He felt as though you saw inside of him just from that short interaction.

As you spoke, Gojo found himself digging around with both hands trying to find that smile you kept flashing him and when you did, he didn't so much as blink because it was so bewitching. And likewise, whenever he laughed at something you said, you couldn't prevent the satisfied smile that rested on your cheeks from the prideful feeling overtaking your mind.

Your hand wrapped around your mug, savouring the delightful warmth that radiated from it in contrast to the biting cold that howled away outside the building. The two of you were sat in a corner opposite each other, and as more time passed, the more your cheeks began to ache from your constant smile and laughter and the more you dreaded to get up when a customer walked through.

"I swear! I'm a busy man okay. I was out of town when you woke up." He sulked, his head resting on his hand with a pleading look in his eyes. You laughed at his effort of reason.

"And the month following, you were..." You prompted with a humourous tone laced into your words.

Before he could answer, his hand slipped forward slightly, grazing yours and sending shockwaves throughout your entire arm and body. Avoiding his stare, you turned away, unable to conceal your smile and the way he had your breathing speed up every second he spoke to you and touched your hand like he was. At this, he pouted, leaning to the side in an attempt to catch your eyes yet you turned even more with a laugh.

Sighing, he answered your previous question. "Shoko says I was nervous. I would argue that I was simply building tension for the plot."

You snorted at his absurdity, moving your hand back to take a sip of your drink. He sagged a bit in disappointment at your actions, yet when you placed your drink back and had your hand brushing against his just the same as before, he livened up a bit and grinned at you once more. You delighted in the way he looked at you over his glasses and smiled. It had been a while since you felt a connection like the one between the two of you, yet you had never experienced it so quickly. It was all-consuming and had you on the edge of your seat in anticipation as to what he woud say and do next.

Soon enough, the day had reached its end - and if it weren't for the sun barely peaking out over the window to the bakery, you wouldn't have believed that you had practically spent the day with Gojo with it feeling like just an hour since he first walked in. Though the amount of hours you had shared with him said differently, you felt like you hadn't seen enough of him.

After he put his coat back on, he turned to face you with a smile playing on his lips. "So... I'll pick you up at seven tomorrow night?"

You swore that if he hadn't invited you out to dinner when he had, you would've dragged him out later that night handcuffed.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

a/n: if it wasn't entirely obvious i got a bit lazy towards the end (major character flaw of mine). i am an absolute SLUT for the non-sorcerer x sorcerer trope tho.

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟsgojoenthusiast

#fanfic #jjk fanfic #gojo x reader #jjk x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x you #jjk fanfiction #jjk fluff #jjk gojo x reader #jjk oneshot #jujutsu kaisen angst #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen fluff #satoru gojo x reader #gojo fanfic #gojo fluff #gojo satoru fluff #gojo x you #gojou satoru x reader #gojou satoru x you #gojou x reader

[bearw-me]

Light smut for Adam (hazbin hotel) with a female reader that is like skinny fat? Big hips, flat but still not completely flat stomach and big boobies, I think he would see reader for the first time by her holding with her hands her tits when aggressively getting down the stairs in front of him so they can't bounce🙏🙏 by light smut I mean just him making dirty jokes and maybe staring at some part of her body

Anyways thanks if you do it and sorry if I wrote something wrong, English isn't my first language💞💞

i LOVE your prompt 😭😭 + don't apologize! I understood perfectly! <3

𝐓𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐬 — 𝐀𝐝𝐚𝐦

𐐒 ft : adam x fem!reader 𐐒 cw : light smut/suggestive, no use of y/n, described reader, maskless adam, adam's a bit of a womanizer, adam is shameless plz be reminded 𐐒 summary : at one of adam's parties, he spies a total fucking babe coming down the stairs... and plans to stay by her side all night 𐐒 wk : 890 𐐒 note : if i apologized for my dirty mind/language unfortunately we'd be here all day! just-enjoy this my readers :)

The party was already in full swing.

Adam, the first man, was known throughout heaven to throw such. . . parties. If God could call it that.

Events intended for angels and the most beautiful ascended souls of Earth to celebrate, to fucking party, to have fun, and to give Adam a chance to check out the women and their. . . assets.

The 'first man' glanced around the room with a small frown, sipping from a drink he'd nursed all night.

"Oh, yeah, that so?" He muttered, only half-listening to a blonde girl next to him as she gave him the usual shit: Giggling, tossing her head back to expose the supple flesh of her collarbones. Staring up innocently at him through her long lashes. Trying to lean closer to him, purposefully giving him an eyeful of her chest.

Adam smiled, the gesture nearly a fucking grimace, as he withstood her mind-numbing yapping. He rolled his eyes, letting his hand slip to the small of her back, knowing that his heart just wasn't in it.

What the fuck was up with him?

His eyes droned over the room. Gaze snagged by pretty faces, curves and stilettos. None of them really jumped out at him.

Until. . .

His eyes snapped to a woman at the top of the mansion's grand staircase. Young and tripping over herself laughing.

You had nearly raced down the stairs in heels, sniffling up your laughter and yelping every time your ankle gave into the weight of your movements. You held your chest close, smushing the cups of your dress up, hoping to stop your boobs from bouncing. Or heaven forbid someone see you like this-gawking at the sight.

When you reached the last stair, your left heel couldn't take the abuse any longer, snapping and sending you tumbling forward.

"Holy shit girl!" Adam had caught you in his arms before you fell, your figure stumbling hard enough into his chest that it fucking winded him.

You giggled, still planted firmly into his chest in a sort of lazy hug. Adam's arms thrown over your back. His rough hands sliding dangerously low down your back at the sudden contact,

"Sorry!" You hummed, glancing up to meet his golden eyes. Both of your breaths hitching. "You're. . . You're Adam," you said softly, the breath of your parted lips kissing his neck. Faces forced so close together. His brown hair haloed quiet literally against the rooms soft light.

Adam smirked, getting a good view of your chest pressed up against his in your clumsiness. "That's right, babe," he winked, shamelessly ogling your body, even daring to squeeze your back firmly to make his hand placement known to you.

He could've groaned at the feeling.

But sucked it up and held his restraints.

You blushed, trying to stand up from his arms in a haste, only to falter again and cling onto his shoulder for support.

"Back again?" He teased, backing off enough to let you hold onto his chest.

"I'm really sorry!" You offered with a sheepish smile, reaching down to fiddle with the straps of your heels. Nearly ripping the fucking things off your feet "These damned things!"

"Hey, I wouldn't put myself through the fucking torture. . ." He joked, managing to sneak a peak at the small of your back while you leaned down.

God you were sexy.

"But they do make your legs look good," he continued with a nod, drawing his gaze back to your struggles.

You discarded the pair of broken shoes, throwing them haphazardly to the wall with a laugh.

Finally able to stand on your own, you let go of him.

"For fucks sake," you sighed, still smiling despite the circumstances, and turning to fully face him now.

Adam watched you now, intently and more considerately, fully able to appreciate you.

The dress you wore hugged your body nicely, cinched at the perfect points and accentuating your feminine features. Adam tried to force himself to look away, even feign respect for you for a damned moment, but his gaze lingered too long. Almost fully planted at your chest. "Fuck," he mouths.

"Are you going to ask me my name or keep staring like a creep?" You asked, putting a hand on your hip and raising an eyebrow at him.

That finally seemed to snap him out of whatever spell you'd cast on him.

"Oh uh."

Before he could muster out a sorry excuse, you told him your name with a smile, still blushing at his surprising forwardness.

He repeated you name, with a whisper, as if trying to commit it to memory. Testing the syllables against his tongue.

"I'm-" He began to introduce confidently before you stopped him again. The sounds of your giggles lighting a fire in his groin.

"I know who you are. Remember?" You teased.

Adam chuckled at the breath of fresh air you provided him, even managing a blush. Never the type of man to be caught so hesitant or nervous before.

You watched him stroll closer, closing the distance between the two of your bodies with that handsome smirk of his. His hand bravely settling onto the curve of your back, pulling you flush against him.

"Can I get you a drink?" He offered, quietly hoping to get the chance to stay by your side all night.

#hazbin hotel #imagines #hazbin hotel x reader #reader insert #hazbin adam #adam x you #adam x reader #adam x y/n #adam x fem!reader #light smut #fic #oneshot #drabble #swearing #suggestive

[ltash]

Ghost caught you breaking into his office

As my muscles marginally relax, the tension flicks from anger to fevered desire. I want to rip each wisp of clothing off her and tie her to this fucking desk. I know next time, to bring my satin ribbon.

••~M.R Field~••

As I explored the base, my eyes caught sight of a nameplate on one of the doors- "Lieutenant Ghost." The name seemed out of place amidst the stoic surroundings of the base, and my curiosity got the best of me.

Pushing open the door, I stepped into the office beyond.

The room was simple yet orderly, a desk littered with files and papers indicating recent activity. My gaze wandered to the wall adorned with medals and certificates, each bearing the name of Simon Riley. It was then that a realization dawned on me-this was Lieutenant Ghost's office.

Suddenly feeling like an intruder in someone else's private domain, I took a step back, only to collide with a solid mass behind me. My heart leaped into my throat as I turned to find myself face to face with the imposing figure of Lieutenant Ghost himself.

I had to look up to meet his gaze. He was so tall.

Dressed in his tactical vest, with his firearm securely holstered against his chest, he exuded an aura of formidable strength and authority. Before I could react, his gloved hand silenced my instinctive scream, pressing firmly against my lips.

"Ssh!. Don't make a noise." He commanded , his husky British accent resonating in the dimly lit space. Slowly, he released his grip, allowing me to draw in a shaky breath.

"Can I help you, miss?" he asked, his voice low and gravelly, sending tingles down my spine. His name plate read "Lieutenant Ghost," confirming my suspicions about the owner of the office.

Caught off guard by his sudden appearance, I stumbled over my words, trying to come up with a plausible excuse for my intrusion. "I, uh, I was just... exploring," I stammered, my cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

Ghost's expression remained unreadable as he regarded me with a curious gaze. "Exploring, hmm?" he mused, his lips quirking into a faint smirk. "Well, you certainly seem to have a knack for finding your way into places you shouldn't be."

I swallowed hard, feeling a wave of unease wash over me at his pointed observation. It was clear that he wasn't buying my flimsy excuse, and I couldn't blame him-I had no business being in his office uninvited.

"I'm sorry," I said quickly, taking a step back in a feeble attempt to put some distance between us. "I didn't mean to intrude. I'll just... I'll just see myself out."

But before I could make my escape, Ghost's hand shot out, catching my wrist in a firm grip, halting my retreat. "Not so fast," he said, his voice low and commanding. "You've piqued my curiosity, miss...?"

"Nora," I supplied, my heart racing in my chest as I met his intense gaze. "Nora Grace."

A flicker of recognition crossed Ghost's features at the mention of my name, but before he could say anything further, a voice rang out from the doorway, breaking the tense silence.

"Everything okay in here, Ghost?" It was Captain Price, his brow furrowed in concern as he took in the scene before him.

Ghost released my wrist with a curt nod, his attention shifting to his superior. "Yes, sir," he replied, his voice steady and composed. "Just a little misunderstanding, that's all."

I exhaled a shaky breath, grateful for the intervention, but unable to shake the feeling of being caught in the gaze of the enigmatic soldier before me. As Captain Price ushered me out of the office, I couldn't help but wonder what secrets lay hidden behind the mask of Lieutenant Ghost.

#cod ghost #ghost call of duty #ghost cod #modern warfare #modern warfare 2 #simon ghost riley #simon riley #call of duty

[npdlangley]

i love dating sims but i always feel so shit afterwards. i will never love like this.

#txt #sory im going throufh it #the ar.omantic curses #i feel so shit and i feel so guilty #gmfnmnmgfng #ilove them but ijust feel bad #i cant be what people want me to be #its so silly to be upset over this #sometimes i hate being ar.omantic #all i have is this stupid disorder that makes me form intense random attachments at random times for godknows how long nd then i just feel #like my heart was ripped out of my fucking chest

[creppersfunpalooza]

watched black friday over the weekend and initially after finishing it i was like “huh that’s neat” and now i can’t stop thinking about it because

WHAT??

THIS IS A CHRISTMAS MUSICAL WHAT THE FUCK. ITS A CHRISTMAS SPECIAL TO THE HATCHETFIELD TRILOGY. IT HAS CHRISTMAS SONGS EMBEDDED INTO THE MELODIES.

and it’s fucking TRAGIC. what the FUCK. why did i almost cry??

not only that but the plot itself is insane?? what?? like how do you explain that to someone? what the fuck would a synopsis of that look like?

sorry okay no spoilers

just implications

#black friday #starkid black friday #starkid #what if tomorrow comes ripped my heart out of my chest #like she KNEW #hannah fucking KNEW #no spoilers

[makorragal-312]

Okay...

So the Buck and Chris conversation DEFINITELY didn't go the way I thought it would. Even as a joke.

Excuse me while I go in a corner and cry.

#911 #911 abc #911 on abc #911 season 7 #911 s7 #911 spoilers #evan buckley #christopher diaz #eddie diaz #buckley diaz family #911 buck #911 christopher #911 eddie #now when it came to this conversation I was expecting emotion #don't get my wrong #I just didn't expect for my heart to get ripped out of my fucking chest #I was expecting some buck meme material and to laugh my ass off #what I didn't expect was for me to be concerned one second and then in literal tears the next #and the image of Eddie behind the wall on the verge of tears made me want to bawl #like good lord #let my buckley diaz family be happy by the end of the season

[lumpsbumpsandwhumps]

I forgot to mention this in my previous ask but what of they became lovers before he committed the murders will he still have killed people or not.

ah now I see

Probably, yeah. What led him to becoming a slasher was because he was accidentally killed in a fraternity hazing ritual (on top of weeks of cruel treatment in the house) and then had his death covered up by the school and everyone else involved.

Having a cute girlfriend wouldn't have changed his desire for bloodlust/revenge when he came back, although he would have started stalking her earlier because he knows he can't come back to her yet.

#ask #anon #she'd be the only one out there looking for him when he goes 'missing' and getting what few friends she can to help #and she still assumes the masked killer is after her with how much he's pursuing her during the massacre but then GASP!! #its her bf!! he's alive!! ...kinda!!! #except oh my fucking god he just killed like 20 ppl and is so very clearly insane that she can't bring herself to trust/love him anymore #and boy does that break his heart for a hot minute #until he decides he'll just have to keep giving her a dozen hearts ripped out of her classmates' chests so that he might win back her's <3 #for some reason its not working

[skitskatdacat63]

this video makes me want to sob and throw up and scream and cry and collapse onto the floor

#actually like sobbing through it this is going to kill me genuinely #god ive not cried these kind of tears in a while LOL #i cry a lot but not whete it makes my chest hurt like this #everyone should watch Get Back. best docu ever made actually :) #but no theres smth about getting a beatles song in the year 2023 #like its not smth i ever imagined but now that it exists its like wow. its truly over. its a fucking solid conclusion and it hurts so badly #im going to rip up my pillow the emotional pain this is bringing me is actually heart wrenching #my one brother one time was like the Beatles are so mid and overrated and i wanted to leap up and strangle him across the table #THEYRE LIFE CHANGING OKAY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #idk its just so much my childhood :/ #and this song is ripping my heart out </3 #and hearing them talk about this being the last beatles track ever. like yeah i KNOW but god fuck ouch #the way they talk about george and john im going to bang my head into a wall #mayne i shoulf rewatch get back and have a mental breakdown #i told my friend about that docu when it came out and hes like wow that sounds incredibly boring #how dare you how fucking dare you. 8 hours of content????? fucking...great #but no seriously to listen to this song released now and it sounds exactly like their original work. im gonna throw up i feel so ill #never recovering from this actually 😊 #catie.rambling.txt #Youtube

[kinkshame-puncher-666]

Does anyone even listen to bad religion in their most emotional state??

#hello crule world #the way he delivers 'please forgive me' rips my heart out of my chest and puts me in 2017 #personal #god i wonder if anyone but my mom remembers the extremely toxic duo of my 2017 x and I #ketamine healing rn #nice to kinda mentally be there while being relaxed #trauma dumb #tbh #so fucked up #one i was at the doctor with my mom and they asked if i had been in an abusive relationship and she said yes #anazing she could recognize that say it to me and still continue to emotionally abuse me for a few more years #i forgive and love my mom but like #would i if i hadnt moved away? #tw

[enrapture]

just my thoughts this morning after some traumatic shit happened the other day. 💔❤️‍🩹

#personal #thoughts #click to read the whole thing #and no one ever see it’s from my pov #no one cares about or considers my feelings #no one respects me they just blame me they don’t understand me #it’s so exhausting and it hurts so much #no one feels the way I feel ever no reciprocation ever:( #does it ever get better? LMK! #gods like: nah you don’t need “safe people lol 🤡 #while my heart continues to rip out of her chest #I feel like I don’t belong anywhere and it fucking sucks so fucking much #I just want a friend man :( #I know in my heart I’m a great person with nothing but good intentions #but I’m met with all these ill intentioned people #I go through situations with and ugh I could go on but I’m stopping here

[kaoharu]

i csn get so sad over music guys

#✧ chatting ! #i canget sad over everything bc i am very emotional but yk. waaahhhhhhh #sorry i am listening to video game soundtracks again #they specifically make me need to rip my heart out of my chest like ehat the fuck man #nothing is more powerful than video game osts im afraid #oh wait movie soundtracks can count too actually. Any soundtrack makes me want to rip my heart out of my chest lol

[cleradinsss]

finally caved and read force of gravity even tho i don’t read extreme au’s.

i have been screaming crying shitting throwing up ripping my hair out for the past four hours and i think i’m going into withdrawals now that i’m caught up

#how the FUCK #like my mind is blown #so many points where i physically felt like my heart was getting ripped out of my chest #i need them to be happy and i need it now #fuck JUST TELL EACH OTHER U LOVE EACH OTHER #byler #force of gravity #ao3 #how are people so talented #god i love fanfics

[oatbugs]

i can feel every single nerve and organ and bone inside my body. an exercise in emptiness: what will the next thought in your head be?

#i feel like im going insane . went in the psych department w my friend again i decided to stop hating it for no reason except that its not #maths . why the fuck dont you study ? because the module name starts with a PS ? i need to love it without #feeling shame for myself . i feel like im gonna get into trouble with my university for prying open locked automatic doors at 1 AM but its #alright (that building is haunted anyway). its not about him but it is but it really isnt its about everything it means its about the way i #cant cry for myself the way i used to its the sadness and happiness and that im turning 20 soon and im going a little insane but im shocked #that i still have friends i love im shocked that i am loved im shocked that i dont feel disgusted thinking about him yet #(and ill look for a man to turn me into a hare just like you did when you did what you did) #when alt j 3ww said . f5 f6 f6 f5 f5 #i constantly feel like my chest is about to explode and i have no idea why its a physical pain its great and also horrible #id like to rip out my ribcage and put a bird and some flowers inside it id like to rip out my sternum and pierce the thoughts with it #4 43 AM i have an exam about brains i stared at a vintage photo of a brain pinned and labelled i learned the names and positions of sulci #im learning about magic (action potentials) and gates inside your brain and every day i learn how hard your body tries to keep you alive #(his lips turn sharp when he smiles) (choking on flowers and music and fear) (feel every feeling inside my throat feel metal at the back #of my head) (i miss your hard edges i miss your bone marrow) #hypothesis : perhaps if i put my lips on someone elses lips and i dont let go of them for a few hours ill be okay #needle (sharp like the spice in what i made you) shooting 5 mg of haldol straight into the hypothalamus . gave myself a concussion and #since that night my head has been blooming . the violin today felt like liquid gold . moderato - spiritoso - the bow turned my heart inside #out . id like to scream and i have no idea why but one day i will turn my vertebrae into a bouquet of flowers for you all. #yesterday my boy with the beautiful hair looked at me and held me tight enough that i heard his heartbeat (or maybe it was mine) #for a second or two and i wish i could lean on him for this except his heart has been crushed by the mathematician discerning eyes #for a while and a half . #dyed your hair red i dyed your hair brown youre on my bed and your hand touches my hand and every day i am amazed by the way your mind #turns my guts and my heart inside out #for a second or two and i wish i could lean on his bony shoulders for this except his lungs have filled with water #for a while and a half . dyed your hair red i dyed your hair brown youre on my bed i stare at the grace of her hands you are evidence #that angels and pomegranate seeds and create the economist of our dreams . game theory and good actions by any other name . #she makes the sound the sea makes knee deep in the north sea

[lemoncake438]

How do u know if its love or mental illness?

#I'm so fucked up in the head #so glad I have therapy later #love #bpd #bipolar #fawn response #like ugh I am so fucking afraid of myself #I take a look at my past 3 relationships and I have absolutely devastated all three of them and I don't want to hurt anyone else #but I'm literally 3 for 3 in the ruining lives department and like okay yeah 1 and 2 eventually got over it and moved on but what if 3 #never does? I mean I guess its all so new and raw but like I feel so awful. I feel like I'm never allowed to love again until I can like #not hurt people? but I think we are all always gonna hurt people. ugh love is so stupid I wish I could just turn it off!! #I wish I could just rip it out of my chest and fucking kill fucking beat the shit out of my heart so it never dares to feel or want again #and then I get surprised when I tell people that and they look at me like they're going to cry #why in the world should I be allowed to love?? when it clearly does so much damage?? #and then its worse right because then when I love someone I google the symptom of every fucking mental illness imaginable. bpd. bipolar. #adhd. autism. you name it I've searched it. and like I have bipolar so then I start invalidating my own love. I tell myself things like #oh youre just manic and thats making you think that this person is in love with you. oh you're just manic you think you are the center of #everyone's universe. oh you're just manic you aren't actually happy around them they just enable your ugly illness #and then like the things in question that are making me think this as like totally valid and normal things #like oh you're just manic you think they love you- my brother in christ they remember the smallest details about me and always know how to #make me laugh. we can't lock eyes longer than a few seconds before we both smile etc etc etc #but then it gets analytical- you know? bc then my brain is like ok we have to disprove our own personal bartholomuel that nafty brainworm #but you cant logically analyze something like love I don't think #right and then like I'm so deep in this hole of analyzing I start running the simulations of all the damage I'll do if/when it ends poorly #because I'm a piece of shit and I always always always go stir crazy and lose myself in it and panic and try to run and then bury my own #personality and wants and needs bc I want so badly to be loved I subconsciously shape shift myself into their ideal partner #right okay so then I'm minmaxing it- I'm speed running the imaginary relationship in my brain start to finish every single day and living #in a fake scenario where we break up every single day thousands and thousands of times over and none of that even happened #its like- because I have to prove to myself that its pure and genuine love and not mental illness or attachment or pure lust allows this #evil part of my brain to just take over and go hog wild torturing me with all these awful situations that don't even exist!!