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aeoneris · 9 months

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for archival reasons, and because rise has officially ended, i'm coping by looking back at the past two years and thinking about the master utsushi rabbit hole. this is based on a long reply i sent to a mutual but i think it deserved to have its own post where others can read it and i can expand further on certain details. or something. i don't know. i have no idea who will read this but if you do, please enjoy...

the ballad of master utsushi.

he was there regardless.

always watching.

waiting.

i wound up getting attached to utsushi-kyokan (master/instructor utsushi), ウツハン/utsuhan (utsushi x hunter) ship, and finding his Japanese fan community late 2021, and i've been chatting with mutuals and friends i made there since. at that time, capcom had opened up pre-orders for his nui (plushie). this plush is lovingly referred to as "Unui-kun", and people love to take him around and bring him places. here's my Unui-kun in new york city lol

fans love to dress him up and make clothing and accessories for him. had i known just how attached i would become, i would not have set my Unui-kun to ship via surface mail delivery because it took about 2-3 months extra for him to arrive... ;;

but anyway, it seemed that his popularity was growing because they continued to make more merch of him. he seems to have more than any of the other characters.

many of these are limited print/pre-order only, or were from specific events like the capcom cafe features. trying to get his merchandise became crazy, because scalpers started to pick up on how badly people wanted goodies of him?!

just how popular is this guy?! what's with the character tax!!

and how did this even happen... we're playing monster hunter, not an idol game! but i think it really speaks a lot for itself how rise had such colorful characters that you could get attached to. it seems he really jives with many female and queer players, so good on capcom for that hehe. many of the japanese fans i've met are either older women, very often mothers, or gnc, which i found to be really cool. the english-speaking utsushi fans are usually the same, too. the solidarity is real...

I found out that a lot of ppl, including myself, shared a similar experience: they missed out on a majority of utsushi's flavor text in base rise bc they didn't talk to him or the other NPCs very much during village and high rank quests, and therefore didn't even think much of him until after the fact. people double-taking when going through the game again and actually catching on to his antics... I think what really got things going was when they released his DLC voice and learned about his, uh, extremely affectionate lines towards the hunter when it comes to mew mew and blowing a kiss LOL. (the "welcome back, master!" line?!?! there's so much art of him in a maid outfit... and the way he says ace/manadeshi in his sleep at the table?!?! scandalous?!?!) even for me, he got my attention only once i saw the official art of him (realizing "hey he's got a cute design actually") and eventually encountering utsushi x hunter fanart on pixiv. another thing that got me noticing him was brian david gilbert's now deleted tweet about how zac efron and utsushi are the same. thankfully, we have the internet archive to save the existence of this post and i have to make sure people experience this lost media.

once i realized how weirdly close he was to the hunter, the gears started turning

i confirmed that ppl really did notice that it was unusual for an instructor character to refer to his pupil as "manadeshi (beloved/dearest disciple)" in the manner that he does, being so close to them in a way that felt so familiar and warm. he was already popular enough that by valentine's day 2022, fans literally sent real chocolates to capcom addressed to utsushi. i knew about this for a while, but i was shook that they wound up officially addressing that this really happened during the last update video.

after they received his chocolates, they immediately got one of the (female) illustrators on board to quickly draw that really cute valentine's day art of utsushi. the japanese tweet for that artwork had even a little bit more text than the english one…

that "i'll always be watching over you" line…

(and while i'm here, i have to mention the valentine's day art we got for 2023- i made a separate post about THAT.)

we started to suspect capcom caught on to this niche community's love for utsushi, and they started to kind of... troll us??? LOL.

throughout the previews of sunbreak last year, they would start obsessively sneaking utsushi into those chibi artworks. and when npc followers were announced, people were scrambling to find out if he was going to be one of them, but there also was some weird radio silence about him for a bit...

in one of the earlier trailers that showed the elgado hub for the first time, there was a very short part of the clip where ppl could see someone standing in the distance at the corner of the screen. all the utsushi fans went nuts because they were taking a magnifying glass and zooming up at there wondering if it was really him, because everyone wanted him to be there in sunbreak LOL.

of course we'd eventually find out that would be his perch for most of the game! it was only during the final preview trailer before the release of sunbreak did they finally announce utsushi as a follower, as if they were saving the best for last. and sunbreak dropped, we got to see him in elgado and enjoy hunting with him. and it didn't end there. he wound up being featured in two of the short stories released last summer, and we would not forget this incident.

when i think about how easy it is to just play through the story and miss out on following specific out-of-the-way flavor texts, let alone know about all this outside of the game, i wonder if utsushi joining the hunter in the battle against amatsu in the penultimate battle was strange, because he has such a spotlight on him, even being the one who allows you to ride an apex which was normally impossible. if people didn't acknowledge him before, certainly people would love him now.

his final line after you defeat amatsu: it's cute and silly in english... but in japanese, his line and delivery was extremely, almost unabashedly... romantic. many people were shocked because it sounded like a fervent confession.

"I'll say it once more... You are my pride, my beloved disciple."

finally, during the last update video…

we got this line straight from the director LOL. utsushi wound up being his personal favorite character in rise, and perhaps why we wound up seeing more and more of him in sunbreak.

all in all, if you kept up with the flavor text of rise, and if you followed utsushi's dialogue throughout the base game and expansion, the emotional pay off at the end was even better! and it is a shame when this stuff is mostly optional or you have to go out of the way for it, with so much being missable with every bit of progression. but making a monhun where story and character interactions are pushed more… i think they were on to something. it's probably something that could be divisive, but personally I think they should go all in on it more in the future. Rise proved that they could make charming and memorable (not to mention, named) characters... if they lean into it more in a future entry, then i hope they do it in a way where everyone can enjoy it and not feel like they missed out. but I also hope they would make it so that people don't feel overwhelmed with flavor text... it comes down to taste, but i think i have faith that monhun can try making more character-driven stories while still keeping the core of the series in tact.

here are some more miscellaneous utsushi things that i didn't know how to fit in earlier:

he's been featured multiple times in capcom cafe entrees. here's his matcha latte dango drink:

and for the sunbreak stories: a cake based on his fight with rathalos together with the royal guard, and then a drink that represents his... uh, struggle across the ocean to chase the hunter to elgado. because they will never let him live that down. i won't either.

here's a t-shirt of utsushi and kagami you can pick up on amazon right now. kagami was a very interesting arc when he was first shown- he was introduced as a long time friend of utsushi, training together in the past, but eventually parting ways.

his seiyuu in japanese is a sentai actor who loves monster hunter, so essentially, kagami is lowkey like a self-insert for him lol. he's goofy in english because he's voiced by a certain youtuber, but in japanese he takes a different direction of silly because he has a "chuunibyou" edgelord cringe way of talking. it's such a shame that kagami wasn't really in the game itself besides being mentioned in a few mission descriptions because i would've loved to see him interact with utsushi and the hunter, and i wish the royal knights and many of the NPCs had more cutscenes or something. it makes me think, if it weren't for the pandemic, could rise's story and scenario have been something more because of the DLC voice characters like hibasa/monju/kagami? anyway, a popular headcanon is that utsushi and kagami are ex-boyfriends lol (i personally like this one and adapted it for my utsuhan fanfics). but there are even those who ship kagautsu too (although it is rare because people overseas are a little wary of shipping characters who are based on real people).

and lastly, one of my personal favorites... the diseased kyokan shirt. this is from an online capcom shop, and you can use a proxy service like fromjapan.com to order it.

if you read this all, thank you! happy hunting! with the instructor! we love that guy! the guy of all time!

#utsushi #master utsushi #monster hunter rise #monster hunter #idk how to entice people to read the ravings of a madman like this #but inquire within for very cute official cafe items based on utsushi. please perceive them #and contained here is a selection of his merch. they gave this guy so much merch because they knew. they knew.#guy who made capcom so much niche money

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demdifferentstories-29 · 6 months

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20 Questions Game

Thanks for the tag, @bronzeagepizzeria <3

How many works do you have on AO3?

68!

2. What's your total AO3 words count?

734,052

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, I really only write Doctor Who aside from a handful of other one-offs I've written, but I literally have at least a hundred WIPs/ideas in my drafts.

Fandoms that I have tons of ideas for are Broadchurch and Jessica Jones (TV series), which I hope to get around to publishing. But I have a fair bit of range hiding away haha.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

In descending order:

Broken-Hearted (cross-over with Broadchurch; multi-chapter; completed)

Braids (one-shot)

Desperate Measures (multi-chapter; completed)

Exes and Ohs (one-shot)

A Lesson in Romantic (AU; multi-chapter; completed)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Pretty much as soon as I can! I appreciate engagement so much and I want to make that known to commenters. Plus, I love a bit of banter and discussion where prompted - it's a delight!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oooo, boy. Probably Happy Together? Or maybe the first chapter of Sunburn? Violet Hill was also pretty sad. I love me some dark, heavy stories that fuck up my beloved blorbos.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Although I haven't updated in it in quite a while, I've written a fair bit of the sequels for the A Lesson in Romance universe, and, boy, have I made those two have a (mostly) happy life together.

In terms of published stories, I think Study Buddies would take the cake or one of the many TentooRose pieces I've done. The former is very classic, high school sweetheart vibes with just enough angst dashed in, and I tend to keep the latter sweet, fluffy and horny.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I received some very intense 'constructive' criticism whilst writing A Lesson in Romance - like I'm talking extremely long paragraphs pretty much deconstructing my writing and questioning my content. I was young at the time, it was my first multi-chapter Doctor Who fic, and the fact that this person also pretty much outright told me how I should write my story pissed me off a bit, so I, in the most polite way possible, asked them to stop reading my story and leaving these comments.

Aside from that? I've really only had one sort of bad comment since then, but I opted to not reply.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Oh, you know I do ;) I currently only write F/M; have explored M/M in the past so I'm down to write queer smut if the inspiration ever strikes.

I'm not really a fan of overly kinky stuff that is, say, explicit/specific (e.g. BDSM), but I don't mind stuff that is vaguely/lightly kinky (i.e. I tend to include voyeurism in my stories, but it's generally accidental). I mostly write either very horny or emotional, intimate stuff - I'm a sucker for the feelings associated with the couple.

It honestly depends on what kind of story I'm writing! But as of recent, I've been mostly producing first-time, emotion-heavy smut with a good serving of horniness/wantonness to build up the tension.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I've written two - Broken-Hearted and Fobwatched (if you've been waiting for an update, I promise I think of her often... I'll revive her one day). I'd say BH is crazier, as it does entwine itself with the Human Nature storyline from Doctor Who, but Fobwatched has also had some pretty wacky moments!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, and I really hope not! I have, admittedly, been a bit fearful of it in recent months.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again, not to my knowledge! But I'm always open to that conversation if people are interested.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Back when I wrote band/music fanfiction (please forgive me for my crimes), I had started drafting out a fic with someone, but it never went anywhere and we didn't communicate very well either :,)

However, I have been beta-ing the lovely @quite-right-too's fic Dona Nobis Pacem, which has been a lovely collaboration <3 I'm so proud of Cody's work and highly recommend you read it if you haven't!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

It would probably be DoctorRose! I've never really been more enthralled with a ship before, and the fact that the special interest is still going strong three years on is a pretty good sign. I also tend to come back to Ellie and Alec from Broadchurch quite often.

In the past, I was a hardcore Reylo fan, and I've always enjoyed random, niche ships within my realm of interests (i.e. Evey and V from V For Vendetta; Jackson and Lisa from Red Eye; an array of ships from my horror movies because I love being delusional).

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Look, I'm quite stubborn in my belief that, ultimately, I will finish all my drafts, but I can say that the drafts from when I first started writing Doctor Who fanfiction have been quite difficult to work on because my writing has changed so much since then!

There are also maybe a WIP or two that I have written purely for myself and will never publish. I will probably take these to my deathbed lol.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hm, I've always been complimented for character accuracy, which I do think I have down pact - writing characters like Ten and Rose have gradually become more comfortable for me over the years and I feel like I know them quite well by this point, which is really surprising considering I've never done a proper rewatch of the show since finishing it aside from some scenes/particular episodes!

I've also always been very anal about detail in my stories - I love including the most unnecessary shit in my work!! Do you need to know what Rose had for breakfast? No. Are you gonna know anyway? YES!!! I just love making my stories feel as organic and lifelike as possible.

I've been working really hard on scenery recently, which I've been getting compliments on! I have aphantasia, so this is something I've put a lot of energy and focus into as I've come to realise it's pretty important for readers lol.

And, not to brag, but I do think I write some pretty banging smut. It's taken ten or so years of practice, but I got there in the end.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Eh, I feel I'm not super great at coming up with like... proper action/plot. Like I can do circumstances and events quite alright, but coming up with something like... say, escaping from a villain/bad situation, I've always felt pretty shit at accomplishing. However, I always try to improve.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I only speak English, so it's a bit daunting! But I just use Google Translate and consult others where possible. And, as Niyati has mentioned in her own post, I recently used her technique of writing from the non-speaker's perspective and it's been a welcome addition to my skills! Shout out, girlie <3

19. First fandom you wrote for?

It would've been 5SOS, but those fics are long gone - I deleted them from Wattpad, and the iPod that the original drafts are on doesn't work, unfortunately.

I also wrote about other bands that I listen to - Asking Alexandria, Of Mice & Men, You Me At Six, Pierce the Veil, and Bring Me The Horizon. I still have most of the drafts, but I deleted all but four of them from the internet lol (the ones that were deleted were unfinished works).

I don't write about these people anymore as I did come to realise, Wait a minute, it's kinda weird and gross to write about these people like this lol (no hate on anyone who does). But I'm always down to chat about my sordid past haha.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

I would have to say "Come, gentle night, come" as it's probably the most amount of effort I put into writing. I think it's my best smut and cherish it deeply!

Tagging: @quite-right-too, @deardiary17, @insomniac-101, @metacrisisdoctor

#doctor who fanfiction #tenrose #doctorrose #timepetals #ao3 author #20 questions #tag game #thank you for the tag niyati <3

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solarbird · 2 years

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hold onto your rage

Y'know all that frustration and rage you're feeling over the @GOP ripping away our rights, overturning #RoeVWade?

All that is what most of us queers have faced our entire lives. We're facing it again right now.

DON'T let it rule you, but DO hold onto it. You're gonna need it.

If there's such a thing as righteous rage, this is it. Some days, it will be the only thing that keeps you going.

(Ask POC around you about it. That's not my tale to tell - you don't get much whiter than Finnish, I mean, you do, but you gotta work at it - but it's real.)

I've dealt with these evangelical fundamentalist @GOP fucks for decades, and the first thing you've got to understand: there is no good faith from them, but it is demanded you demonstrate your own. And stick to it.

They'll demand "polite discourse and debate" even as they accuse you and yours of raping children to reproduce since "homosexuals can't reproduce on their own" - and proclaim you the villain if you even raise your voice about their blood libel.

There is no trick too dirty, and the only measure of truth is whether it serves the cause. They systematically lie, they systematically cheat, and they won't just bring a gun to a knife fight, they'll bring a gun to a debate, fire it, and then lie about that too.

Literally NOTHING the evangelical/fundamentalist @GOP say is in good faith. It's whatever noise fills the moment. If it's true, it's a coincidence, and if a lie had suited the moment better, they'd've lied.

I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm saying it because it's true.

And here's the kicker:

They enjoy this shit.

It's fun for them.

Because they enjoy power most of all, and the impunity to hurt others feels oh so very very good.

That's why you need this rage, why you need to keep it, not punish or scold yourself, not try to get over it, because that shit will not work.

What they want is their dominance, and your compliance and suffering. What they'll do to get it is anything.

Look, rage isn't good for you, I'm not pretending it is. I'm just saying that sometimes it's what you need, because righteous rage...

Rage is real good at helping you get through the hell they genuinely desire to rain down upon all of us.

Rage is motivating as fuck.

And I'd like to say there are a lot of better ways to get that motivation, because there are. But given what the queer community have gone through at the hands of the @GOP fundamentalist evangelical religious cult for my entire life, and how little cishets have cared...

...I can't say that I think these 'better angels' of motivation are enough. They've been AWOL far too long.

So there are times to be angry.

There are times in fact to be enraged.

We are in those times.

Keep your fury. You're gonna need it.

#roe v wade #roe v. wade #roe overturned #roe vs wade #trying a new post format #the old one doesn't work so well anymore

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scattered-winter · 1 year

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Give us the rant my liege

(tagging @vulpinesaint because they wanted to see this as well)

ok this is. gonna get long. and im not gonna be holding anything back. and as someone who suffers from chronic Too Nice disease i need to put that disclaimer beforehand with the additional disclaimer that these are all just my opinions that have been largely brought about by my own personal experiences so im not speaking for the entire community when i give this rant.

now with all that out of the way. let me welcome you to the land of aroace WRATH

the first thing i want to say is that most of the things I'm angry abt in fandom's general treatment/views of aro/ace people are actually extensions of the general societal views toward sex and romance as a whole. I'll go more in depth as we go but I'm choosing to focus more on the fandom side of things for now since it's a lot easier to be angry at something so trivial compared to the entire (western) society that's structured against people like me.

one of the biggest things I've seen a lot in fandom/creator spaces is the urge to give every character a romantic relationship that's more "powerful" or "deep" than platonic/familial relationships. this is of course an extension of amanormativity in society as a whole, because the belief that romance is the Goal (tm) is so deeply set into society that it's taken me years of introspection and research to come to terms and find joy in my aromanticism. but it's the concept of characters not being able to be happy, or find fulfillment, or being lonely for the rest of their lives because they don't have a romantic partner. and I wish I could say queers in fandom were generally more accepting of the idea of characters never finding (or even wanting) romance but that's so far from the case because often it's queer people who are pushing this idea of romance and marriage being the Goal.

and with all the above in mind, aro/ace representation is really hard to find. I can probably count the canon aro/ace characters in any media I've ever consumed on one hand (which ofc doesn't say much about the whole scope of aro/ace rep because that's just from what I've seen/read and there's probably more out there that I've never gotten to). and the thing that really upsets me in particular is how, even in the rare instances where we do get representation, fandom collectively ignores it to shove the character into romantic/sexual relationships in fanworks. like. y'all have literally every single character to ship around with and yet y'all also take the one win we have too. smh. and then my Personal Favorite thing (/s) is when someone points out the erasure, allos' go-to thing to say is "well, ace people can still have sex! aro people can still be in relationships!!" y'all are missing the point.

I also can't think of any media I've ever seen where it's unapologetically aro/ace ?? there are quite a few pieces of media that are explicitly, unapologetically queer that I hold sooo close to my chest, but there's nothing for aro/aces outside of like. children's shows. where the romance is minor enough that it can be ignored. and not to be dramatic but I would kill a man for a piece of adult aro/ace media that actually showed the joys and connections within the communities. even media with queer representation tends to lean into the "sex/romance is what makes us human" thing, which I can't even fault the creators for because that's what society as a whole--even queer society--says, too. and of course it's unfair to hold queer media to a higher standard than normal, and that's not what I'm trying to do. it's just. even when I'm watching/reading something meant for queer people, it's still not entirely for me, yknow?? and I think I can feel disappointed about that and also not hold queer media up to a ridiculous standard.

which brings me to more of the irl shit ig !! for all the anger against people saying that aros will be alone their whole lives, there's also some truth to that, but not in the way you'd initially think. I'm not lonely because I want a girlfriend and I'm sad because I don't. I'm lonely because my whole family is going to get married. all my siblings. all my friends. they're all going to find a romantic partner, and/or a marriage, and as "just" a friend, I'm suddenly not as important as their partner. there's this idea that marriages/romantic partnerships always have to come before hobbies, careers, friends, and anything else. and if someone prioritizes something else over romance, they're "selfish." there's also this idea that breakups can only happen if one side of the partnership did something wrong. that sometimes a relationship just isn't working, or they're just not compatible (and neither side is at fault for that.) and this idea of romance and marriage being The Most Important Thing Ever is what makes me lonelier than anything. because even as a kid in school, I lost friends because they got a boyfriend and girlfriend and suddenly that was more important than anything else. including me. and as more and more of my friends and siblings get married, it's only going to get worse because I'm not as important to them anymore. and that's something I'm gonna have to deal with, even though I love being aro and there's nothing I would rather be.

#this ended up way more disorganized and rambly than i was intending but. alas #thats how the inside of my brain be 😔#and id also like to express that a lot of these issues arent caused by anyone in particular.#creators arent picking up their pens going ''im gonna make life hell for aro/ace people today!!!''#it's just. how society is structured. and there's no specific person who's the cause of it.#so when im angry im not angry at anyone in specific im just. angry #anyway this is REALLY rambly and idk if i was clear. its been a long day and my brain functions have fled.#mads 🧠#aroace #asexual #aromantic

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kethabali · 8 months

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Hello, I’m Ameera a 23 years old Muslim lesbian who is trying to come out, I’ve been in the closet with my girlfriend for way too long, because of how dangerous and hard it is to come out as a lesbian to a religious Muslim family, but me and my girlfriend have decided to do whatever it takes and risk it all to come out, do you mind supporting and encouraging us?, we have the plan to go away which is why I have my donation campaign pinned on my profile, if I raise at least that goal I can start the process with my savings, I can’t come out until I’d gotten my apartment and I’m away from family, so please support by donating if you can and help reblog though I know we all have what we dealing with, so I’m not imposing we just need all the support and encouragement we can get, check my pinned post for more information on how you can support, if you are a Muslim queer and you are out, please help with tips on how to make it less complicated, any word of advice is also really needed, we really wanna come out but we need y’all 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ pride please come through for us, I believe pride is for all

hi,

i wish i had some amazing life changing advice for you but the truth is that it's painful to be outcasted from your family and the trauma that comes with it doesn't leave your body for a long time. once i was safe i started to unpack everything and its a long process but really worth it when u start feeling grounded and less anxious

i'm not muslim but my family is so i was raised with islam and they did a lot of stuff to try to deter me from living my truth including literally kidnapping me while we were in bangladesh right before my flight back. the entire family would talk shit behind my back and only "respect" me to my face to keep up the niceties

it's family and that makes it hard to let go and accept that they may never come around, at least not in this life time but surrounding yourself with friends and support - your chosen family is so important. we have to help each other because who else will yknow

community is so important for queer people so i encourage you to seek out other queer people any way you can in real life and online. i don't know what country you live in but i've found even in the most homophobic conservative countries the queer groups are there even if very underground and disguised as other things. i hope you can get in contact with some queer organizations and hopefully they can help you gather funds and help with your move. also message me privately with ur city and if its my city or one i'm familiar with maybe i can find you some resources

for me queer organizations literally saved my life. when i ran away i stayed in an apartment run by a queer youth shelter and they weren't perfect, they had a lot of faults but it gave me sanctuary away from my abusive parents and a chance to explore myself and be a normal kid for a while (i was 17). queer organizations also helped me get many things; clothes, hygiene products, chest binders, hrt, support applying to aid programs, doctor appointments when my insurance was a mess bc i was a literal child and had no idea how to navigate healthcare. it was just a really good thing for me to have as i transitioned into adulthood on my own.

so i say find all the mutual aid and organizations available in your area connect with at least one queer person in real life and its likely they will know others and slowly you can build your network of resources. take care of yourself best u can, try to eat well and drink enough water, get outside at least once a day, journaling and listening to music helps me a lot with processing emotions, confide in ur girlfriend or friends, do ART i really recommend this one it can be very therapeutic and healing. any type of art- drawing, painting, knitting, photography, dancing, singing etc it's good to express yourself in some way when everything else feels so restricted. try to have something for yourself to keep holding onto hope when things get really bad like maybe a pin, some type of token to remind you of your truth and that things won't be this way forever. remember that the entire queer community would back you up in a heartbeat and so many people will love you that you haven't even met yet!

#🧃#asks #lgbtqia+#trans #queer

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statementlou · 1 year

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Hope it's okay to ask you this, really wanted to know WHY there's a label of being unlabeled? Like doesn't that defeats the purpose of having a label? Cuz when you say queer, you can be anything you want to be but when youre unlabeled, youre either straight or gay... right?

Definitely okay, and glad to ramble about it all! But first and most importantly, "unlabeled" IS NOT A LABEL! So yes it absolutely defeats the purpose of having a label and like that's the idea? It simply says nothing. [EDIT: wait there's an 'unlabeled flag'?? and apparently this is about discourse about that? I... whatever. I still feel this answer is valid and covers it fuck it. But also not claiming labels and claiming a flag are IMO opposite things so like- whut? Just... don't wave a flag? Tada you are unlabeled!]

I agree that queer is a wonderful catchall word that allows you to say, "I am not straight but anything beyond that is detail that I don't feel the need to list right now"- but saying you are queer does very much mean saying out loud "I am not straight." Whereas saying you do not wish to be labelled is instead a way of dodging the question, of saying "I don't want to talk to you about that. I'm not telling you that I'm gay or straight or questioning or anything else, because it's none of your business." Mostly I assume you are asking me about why Harry has said that he prefers not to label himself and my first answer would be that the difference between Harry saying that and Harry saying "I identify as queer" is just HUGE and that's probably the biggest reason. Like SO DIFFERENT in terms of impact and headlines and repercussions! There's a scene in the movie 'I'm Not There' where they are reenacting the drama of a famous moment where Bob Dylan shocked the world by playing an electric guitar at a folk festival, which without the context of the time and the cultural moment seems kind of silly now, like what's the big deal, so how to convey to the modern audience what it felt like at the time? Filmmaker Todd Haynes does it by having the actor playing Dylan (Cate Blanchett!) slowly open the guitar case, pull out a machine gun, and turn around and spray the audience with bullets as they scream in shock and betrayal. As I see it, that's pretty much what it would be like if Harry were to say he was queer at this moment. And it would change everything for him forever and it would be a media and discourse storm like I can barely imagine. It would be NOTHING like him simply refusing to answer the question by saying unlabeled which causes some online discourse and feels pretty obvious for those of us who already know he's queer, but doesn't really change anything.

So no, I don't really think it needs to be looked at too hard, why Harry might say such a thing: but as it happens I personally kind of believe that he meant it more than just as a way to dodge questions. And while I can't possibly say if that's true or what he really feels because how could I or any of us know, since I do sort of identify with that I can say something about my feelings and why even I, a person who isn't closeted, might say such a thing if people were asking me those questions, which is naturally very specific to me, but I can see where there might be some kind of parallels.

I've been out and comfortable with the idea of myself as a queer person for as long as I've been old enough to have any identity at all in that sense. So I just went ahead living my life and taking it for granted that nothing would ever change (literally always a mistake)… but the wonderful thing about having stability and a sense of safety is that it allows you to actually develop and grow and as a result of that things do change, because flux is a part of life. Like one thing I have seen a lot of over the years in queer communities, for example, is people growing into different gender identities at various stages of life. There are definitely lots of trans people who know for sure very young, or who aren't exposed to those ideas until later but as soon as they are they know; but there are also a lot of people who grow into new identities over time, whose relationship to gender changes. Where it absolutely isn't a case of always having been a man or a woman but simply constrained by society, but of things evolving and shifting. Or of desires shifting, people who have been very very end-of-the-spectrum only gay or only straight experiencing different attractions for the first time very late in life. I myself have experienced some of this stuff. And it feels as confusing and destabilizing as I imagine it is for many people to initially realize they are queer, having to rewrite my whole sense of the things about me that I thought I knew for sure. And relevant to this discussion: as a result I DON'T KNOW what my labels are now! I simply avoid talking about my specifics of identity because the long winded and confusing answers to those simple questions is just like… not anyone's business?? I don't want to talk about it outside of like, therapy? It feels intimate and private, not to mention how vulnerable it would feel to share this unfinished process and all the confusion it entails. So "queer" is great and handy and I claim it because I'm not closeted so I can and it makes things simple but what if I weren't out? And the paper was asking me? Yeah I would also decline to state.

idk I mean tl:dr most likely Harry said that mostly as a way to dodge the question but for simply one possible hypothetical, let's say for example that he has identified as gay since his early teens (likely imo) but in his 20s began to grapple with the idea that he may not identify as A Man, is attraction to men still "gay", is it something else, what is the right label… everything gets muddled and confusing and I think there are a million variants of this that could cause someone to question what exactly their labels would be and to prefer not to use any, that's all

#blah blah blah #or like I have gender stuff but they/them pronouns are not right for me so while someone could say #why not just use gn pronouns! why be unlabelled well #there's nothing wrong with that probably more of my friends use they/them than not it's FINE but #nothing is right for everyone. maybe queer doesn't feel right to harry or to someone else #identity is weird #anyway I fucking love Todd Haynes movies so sometimes thats just my reference point for things #but upon reflection actually the scene in Velvet Goldmine (yes also todd haynes) where the (male) leads kiss in front of the cameras #and then are blindsided by the reaction and noise and everyone shoving in their faces with flashes and screamed questions #and invasive comments and burn their albums and talk about them on the news....#would probably have been a better point of reference lol #but eh that's just too on the nose #adding because it seems this question is born of harry waving a certain flag harry waves all the flags that means nothing #I mean it means something that he waves them at all but he isn't bi ace lesbian and brazilian #he waves them all #thats irrelevant

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samisnotlegend · 1 year

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same anon with the broke boys headcanons, anyways, I'm feeling broke boys withdrawal and need to satiate my addiction

please feed us some crumbs by responding to more of my cutesy headcanons/predictions/random thoughts/ideas about the story. (note: I'm not forcing you to write any of these ideas, but if you felt *ahem* inspired, it's free real estate)

okay so when I first started reading the fic, around the time when bkdk went to costco(?) together and were trying free samples, I have never been able to stop imagining bkg getting invited to a high school reunion and then recruiting deku to go with him soley so they can steal the snacks. And when they show up, they split up to cover more ground. A few members of class A notice him and talk with him and they get along, and they get around to asking him who he's with and deku says he's w/ bkg....cue slow blinking form whoever he's talking to. Meanwhile Bkg is trying to sneakily stuff snacks into a bag at the food table and Uraraka happens to be nearby and being a fellow broke girl(tm) herself growing up, she clocks what he's doing immediately and feigns indifference to seeing him while they talk, but also helps him steal more snacks no questions asked

2. a prediction I've always had was that somehow, a huge battle happens, like Camino Ward levels of fighting) and Bkg is the hero that defeats the villain but ends up in the hospital. And the press is going wild, like, "he was supposed to be evil?? But he did something okay?" and is being skeptical. But as reporters are reporting outside the hospital, a giant group of people shows up, passing by the cameras which are broadcasting live. They all have platters of food, or other gifts. And Izuku comes outside and invites them with him because....its the neighborhood! Some of the newcasters ask the neighbors why they're there and they explain how much their community has blossomed because of dynamight (let's be honest they'd call him kacchan) and his husband. Which is how bkg gets some positive press for once!

3. headcanon of mine is that, once the dynamight hero agency becomes successful, Izuku starts a charity

4. another headcanon is that the neighborhood helps deku and bkg paint the walls of their agency building, kinda like they helped out with the community garden

5. Eventually katsuki discovers the terms aromantic and asexual and a few years down the line does an interview with a queer magazine about it to raise awareness about being aroace and to help other people like him (i'm aroace so this would be amazing). Maybe he starts wearing an ace and aro ring on a chain around his neck? (he would've worn them, but he didn't want his wedding ring to stand out less)

6. when they have enough money, deku finds a cat on the street and takes it home and adopts it and katsuki looks at deku's big doe eyes and agrees

anywho, just wanted to let you know this story lives in my head rent free and thought this might brighten up your day!

Hello my dear friend <3

I am truly sorry it took me so long to reply to this! Honestly, everything about this is so wonderful and I wanted to write something specifically for it, but I haven't been able to (yet!) but here are my thoughts on all your wonderful headcanons.

my jaw legit dropped when I read this one. I cannot spoil anything atm, but... there has literally been a *very* similar scene planned since basically the beginning. A few more UA characters will be introduced as we go through, and yep, Izuku is going to get to meet them, and yep, some slow blinking will occur. ;)

Again!!!! My friend you understand the vibes of BB SO WELL its insane. Something.... similar.... is planned.... I assure you. Now, I'll credit you completely for the hospital idea though, because I hadn't thought of that, but I LOVE IT!! I'll do my best to work something like this into the story. <3 <3 <3

Yes.

I love this one so much. I'm not sure if I'll be able to work it into the actual story, but its canon for you!

Yes! The ace/aro rings!! So, tbh the reason why I gave Deku and Katsuki black rings is because to me, they ARE ace and aro rings! I actually debated having the ring fit better on Katsuki's middle finger, but decided to go ahead and just have them wear them on their ring fingers. I own several ace rings myself, and I just adore them. (makes me feel all warm and fuzzy whenever I look at mine!) Down the line, Katsuki especially will do some more exploring with his identity. (Izuku is already very content with his) I'm not sure if I'll give Katsuki a totally separate ring, but he'll spread the ace/aro colors in other ways. ;)

Oh gosh a kitty!!! Well, they've already adopted half of the neighborhood kids (and several of the adults) so what is one furry friend to mix? Anon, what do you think I should name the kitty?

Overall, my friend, this ask totally blew me away. You really understand where I'm going and what I want to do with this story.

To me, Broke Boys has always been an incredibly personal story. So many of the themes and experiences (and even stories!) are just thoughts and things that I've taken from my own life. So the fact that it resonates with other people means the world to me.

Sometimes the world sucks, anon! Sometimes life doesn't take you where you want to go, or even where you deserve to go! But its also still wonderful! There will always be happy days ahead of you! There will be people in it who love you! And that's so awesome!!

In the future, I hope that this story will continue to bring you happiness. You deserve it.

#broke boys #anon #some mild spoilers hereeeeeeee #thanks again anon you are the literal sweetest #also i wont respond to the other ask as requested but seriously agh you are just very sweet for sending this #for the record #the vibes of me staring at this ask for the past two weeks was me hopelessly composing answer after answer in my head #like a sweaty victorian sailor accidentally letting the maidens letter go unanswered cause he forgot how to spell 'beautiful'#and he was embarassed about it #ANYWAY im very excited to get off of hiatus #i miss the broke boys so much #thanks again #oh yeah #bnha #bkdk

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desperatelyseekingroleplay · 2 years

Text

One on One Queer Community Roleplay with a Splash of Something Else (Advanced/Casual)

I left most of an old add in for context, but what I mostly want you to pay attention to is stuff marked "May, 2022". Also - new shows we can draw from... Stranger Things, Umbrella Academy.

BIG EDIT: I could really use a lot more writing to keep me busy right now, so here I am. I have a lot of time on my hands and nothing else to fill it with - at least not in a rewarding way. Translation: My muse is on. Everything else is... weird right now. Anyway...Thanks for reading my ad.

Currently Craving: Some kind of m//, slice of life, best friend drama and fluff. I have a character in mind for this that needs attention. - This is usually always true. XP! Also - werewolves. Something loosely based on WoD, Werewolf the Apocalypse would be great. Maybe something based on the idea of AFK, the Kiwi webseries. I just need things to write.

Okay! I feel like I’m horrible at these things, but here goes…

For the purpose of the roleplay, you can call me Phina (hi!). I seem to have slowly lost all my roleplay partners – such is life, I know - but entropy is only natural, right? I think I've recently had an RP partner and friend of four years ghost me and I have no idea why…. Let's hope I'm wrong.

Anyway! I’m sure I’m going to scare people off by saying this, but I love both quality and quantity. I love writing detailed stories with strong character development and relationships. For me, it’s the characters that are most important. I do understand that posts tend to vary in length as the roleplay goes on – I don’t want filler, but please try for at least two paragraphs every time. I will write you novels (at least four paragraphs, probably more), especially if I am inspired. If that bothers you, we are not a good match. That being said, I am very laid back once I get to know you. If you have a character that I love, I will probably be more accepting of shorter replies (no less than a paragraph) - especially if I know a lot about them already.

Big edit here - May, 2022: While I still love to write novels, what I'm currently into with how busy my life is is actually literate/advanced rapid fire with a full cast of characters. Probably queer, modern fantasy meets slice of life. Just a bunch of interconnected, diverse (in so many ways) queer people trying to live their lives. Just a few well thought out sentences per character, casual but character driven. We can move around character groups or even see how one small change ripples and create different verses with the same characters. Werewolves and humans and fey, all gay!

I hate that we have to cover this at all, but all the standard rules apply. If you haven’t been roleplaying long enough to know them, it’s very unlikely that we will make a good match. As a big thing, please don't control my character. Even little things can be done badly so easily, taken too far or in the wrong direction. I don't want to lose creative control over my character ever. I know sometimes it can be tempting to do it to move the plot along and there are some small exceptions once two characters/the roleplay are established and flowing well, but in general, please don't. Just don't. It will completely turn me off writing with you. Fast. Talking first, at least, is important. Communication is everything.

Just show me respect and I will do you the same kindness, okay? If you need to drop the roleplay, please tell me. That way, I know and I can move on (or we can create something new together). If you’re going to be away -again- please tell me. Don’t be afraid to tell me if something isn’t working, either. Overall, I think communication is really the key thing here. I want us both to be comfortable with everything about the roleplay, and we shouldn’t roleplay at all if something doesn’t feel right. Other than that, just do your best to create/write a realistic and engaging character and we will be best friends - and being friends with the people you write with is generally the best.

Limits

Blood and Gore: None; realistic blood and gore is totally okay and a natural part of life Swearing: None; swearing is a valid and a much needed form of expression Smut: We fade to black unless I know you well. I will write it, but not until we are established as partners and friends. If we work and it's needed for the story, great.

Timeline

*I live in the Eastern Standard time zone.

*I’m finished school and I don’t work, so I have a lot of time on my hands, but I do spend a lot of time training for three different sports and LARP/tabletop has become a passion. I can still get pretty busy, trust me.

*I will probably have time to post about once a week. However, as workload and other commitments change, it could be more often – or less often. I think the main issues now are energy levels and muse. I’m finding myself needing more roleplays than I had during school because I do have both more free time and more energy. I still get busy - I still have days where I can’t reply - but I would like to have more than one active, long-term roleplay at a time. Muse and energy levels be damned.

*I will try my best to keep you updated on those changes. I expect you to try to do the same.

Big edit May, 2022: While these feels still apply to longer roleplays because I'm a busy person, I will reply to more shorthand roleplays on and off every day. This is what I really want. The pandemic sucks.

*I would love a reply once a week (more often is great, too!). However, I totally understand those when life eats you whole and you have to painstakingly de-zombie-fy yourself because there is/was just too much life going on at once for you to both handle and stay sane at the same time – never mind roleplaying! Just try to warn me?

Important Notes

*This roleplay will be 21 (preferably 25) plus (I’m 32 now) and over email or Discord - Discord preferred by a lot.

*Also! I primarily do queer roleplays. I haven’t found a standard mxf roleplay fun in years. However, the full gender spectrum is more than welcome. I guess you could get me to do mxf that way…lol!

*I’m queer and NB myself. (I love they pronouns. <3)

On to the genres!

*Sci-fi *Modern/futuristic fantasy

*Gifted *Runaways

*School (boarding school, arts school, high school, college)

*Dystopian Society/Post-Apocalyptic Society

*Anything with disabilities included in a positive way

*Some modern, slice of life stuff, where we can make cute, fluffy awkwardness together; think close childhood friends that accidentally get separated by life and are reunited years later and all the feelings that could/would bring up, or a long time unspoken crush that is only brought to light when a mutual friend brings together an unlikely couple

*Modern vampires, werewolves and mages

I like characters with depth. I want fluff, but I also love it when a character has a backstory chalked full of things that make them them, both good and bad. I love to see how they are feeling, what they are thinking and why. I want to see them change and grow as time goes on and they process the things that have happened to them in life. I would love a roleplay and characters that I can get invested in, one that will make me both laugh and cry. Basically, I want realistic characters that I can relate to.

Odd Pairings Rich x Poor (street kid) Deaf x Hearing Gifted x Gifted (or non-gifted human; think X-Men style) Gay x Closeted (Childhood) Best friend x (Childhood) Best friend

I’m sure there are more I’m forgetting…but any of these can also be combined together for even more fun! I want to take the time to plot with you.

Note: I don’t really do fandoms, and I definitely don’t play with canon characters.

Random: The friendship between Matt and Foggy in Netflix Daredevil is really well done and adorable. Too bad I never play cannon characters. <3 That’s the kind of bonding and character development that I live for!

Also! Something based on Sense8 would be cool. What I’ve seen of it so far is awesome - though I’m not sure how a roleplay could be done or how it would go. Falling Skies is also cool, as are Firefly, Orphan Black, AFK and Guardians of the Galaxy.

Oh! A note about my writing style: I tend to like to paint pictures with my writing, especially when inspired. I write detailed, flowy and almost poetic posts a lot. Everything has to fit together. If you like that sort of thing and have a writing style close to that, we’ll be wonderful. That’s a bonus in my mind.

Thanks for reading all this. I look forward to hearing from you!

Contact: [email protected] OR Phi#2381 on Discord.

#Writing Partner Wanted #Roleplay Partner Wanted #Roleplay Partner Search #Roleplay Partner Needed #Long Term Roleplay Wanted #Seeking Roleplay Partner

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fiddleabout · 3 years

Note

nothing wrong with reclaiming slurs but some ppl aren’t comfortable with hearing them!! esp those who have experienced trauma surrounding their usage + aren’t comfortable hearing/reading them

Jesus, I don't even know where to start with this. The idea that it's a slur, the inherent transphobia and gatekeeping, or the idea that people get to police how others speak to their own identities.

So let's start here:

The idea that it's a slur:

Every word we-- and by we I mean everyone who isn't cishet: lesbian and gay and bi and pan and demi and intersex and ace and aro and trans and literally all of us-- have ever used to describe ourselves has been used against us by the cishet community. Full stop. Nothing is excepted from this, because slurs are, by nature, a word turned into a weapon as a way to hurt someone. Saying queer is a slur is like saying a vase is a weapon: I can break a vase over someone's head and do a shitload of damage, but it's me making it a weapon, not the vase itself. The same goes for words.

I've never in my three-plus decades on this godforsaken planet had someone try to call me queer as an insult, but even if they had, it's the intent behind it that makes it an insult, not the word itself. Someone calling me gay as an insult-- or homo, or lesbian, or queer if it had ever happened-- is not an insult because of the word gay, it's an insult because they want to hurt me for being gay. Lesbian and gay and bisexual aren't slurs, any more than ginger is a slur for redheads, or leftie is a slur for lefthanded people-- and, coincidentally, all of those are words people have used to insult me. It's not the word that makes them an insult or a slur, it's the need to hurt.

The inherent transphobia and gatekeeping of the idea that it's a slur:

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you aren't a horrible transphobe, because presumably if you were you uhhh would not have stuck around on this blog long enough to say anything. So here's a thing to keep in mind when you're thinking about things: "queer is a slur" is a terf dogwhistle. It's used as a way to identify like-minded transphobes who would rather spend their time making up delusional bullshit about the nonexistent risk to feminism that trans women pose than actually dealing with, you know, the actual issues that feminism are meant to address. It's intended to segment the population into the "right" people and everyone else as a way to gatekeep the community of "women", because queer is inherently inclusive, which means it includes everyone-- trans women included-- so if you use the word queer as a positive descriptor or identifier then you aren't compatible with the terf movement.

Flip that around and you can see very clearly that "queer is a slur" is just a shorthand for "I align myself with the transphobes that make up the terf movement."

Maybe you didn't know that! Now you do. Behave accordingly.

The idea that people get to police how others speak to their own identifies:

I'm in full support of creating safe spaces for people. I'm not in any way going to sit by and let anyone say that a safe space must inherently exclude certain identities (and before someone tries to get clever: prejudice isn’t an identity, it’s a character flaw. Being a Republican isn’t an identity, it’s willful stupidity at best. This does not apply to ideology, it applies to identity). Especially when we're talking about the queer community. The queer community is by it's very nature one of support and trust and inclusion, that, as has been said by people smarter than me:

Queer says no, you cannot insult me by lumping me in with the most marginalized and scandalous among us. I am unabashedly for their quality of life and not just my own. (x)

Queer is for everyone and it is a community, it is an identity, and no one gets to tell anyone within that community that their identity is a slur. Do you even realize how dehumanizing it is to say that someone? "Well, I think your identity is a dirty word, so I need you to trigger tag it." It is cruel and exclusionary and by it's very nature states that you-- or anyone who makes this argument-- get to determine who is allowed in the community and whose identity is valid. Spoiler alert: you don't.

And before someone crawls up my ass about safe spaces let me make something very clear: your right to protect yourself-- from triggers, from remnants of prior trauma, from things that make you uncomfortable-- immediately stops being defense when you start using it to police how other people speak about themselves and the community we're all ostensibly a part of. Your right to defend yourself stops the minute it becomes offense instead of defense, and making the argument that people can't speak to their own identity without it being tagged as a slur is inherently offense.

So let's recap here:

Queer is not a fucking slur

The argument that queer is a slur is either (a) predicated on a fundamental misunderstanding of how language itself works and is or isn't weaponized, or (b) an intentional dogwhistle designed to align yourself with transphobes

Saying that queer is a slur inherently indicates that (a) you find that identity lesser and additionally the people with that identity as lesser and (b) you view your standard of mental comfort as more important than the actual identity of other people

If you think queer is a slur then get the hell away from my blog. I'm a queer woman. I have a whole family of queer friends who I love dearly, and we're all part of the queer community, the community that told all of us that we were welcome and it wasn't ashamed of any of us. No one gets to take that away from us or tell us that we need to change our identity or our community, for the comfort of others, to inherently align it with the implications of the very people who have tried to insult us by using slurs.

The fact that those tags were on a post where I talked about a character and specifically said the words "she may not be the gayest person on the show but she's definitely the queerest" after waxing poetic about queerness and how heavily queer coded-- not gay coded, not lesbian coded, but queer coded-- that character is is just insult to injury and, frankly, bullshit and I will not apologize for my anger about it

#this completely derailed my whole fucking work day #i'm behind now #thanks :|#anyways #queer is not a fucking slur #and if you think it is i'm glad to tell you al lthe ways that you're wrong #but honestly i'm tired and i'd rather you just fuck off and get very fucking far away from me and mine forever #Anonymous #queer as in fuck you #queer as in i love you

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kim-ruzek · 2 years

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I like Pelham and the actor, but I'm disappointed that Fire decided to add another straight white male character (I will note that I'm just assuming he's straight, so you never know) after they had already added Hawkins.

I don't understand why they wouldn't have gotten a POC, WOC or anyone from an underrepresented community. It would have been nice to see a woman leading 51 in Stella's absence. And now it seems they have put Pelham and Hawkins at the forefront whilst neglecting their minority characters like Cruz (honestly, where has he gone; where has the PTSD storyline gone), Ritter and even Gallo with his lack of growth.

Out of all the OC shows and even some Dick Wolf shows in general, Fire does a decent job at diversity, but they need to realise that having one or two characters from each underrepresented community isn't enough.

First, I thank you for your patience about me getting around to this! I've put a lot of it under a cut because it got a lil long (which is like sxghjkkl bc I have so much more that I could say!) and I hope it makes you feel less alone in your disappointment ❤️

I agree with all of this, it's exactly the kind of things I've been thinking about myself. Like I adore Brett Dalton and I mean adore. When I heard he was gonna be playing Pelham I'm not ashamed to admit I immediately hoped SO much that he'd be sticking around-- and as a good character-- because I love him that much.

So while them choosing to cast *this* white actor takes the edge off my annoyance a little bit because at least it's a talented actor, but honestly it still pisses me off that jfc they didn't even appear to think about hiring a POC/WOC???!! I think especially on the heels of adding Hawkins.

Like Hawkins himself-- why is he white? Like okay I love him and adore his storyline with Violet-- especially bc it's giving Violet a much better love interest!-- so I'm not exactly annoyed by *his* presence but I am so, so disappointed that fire didn't chose to hire a poc.

And honestly I'm disappointed in fire in general; there's now three new characters that are getting introduced this season (the third being the paramedic rumoured to be stepping in for Sylvie) and they've *ALL* been fucking white??? Because apparently there's no way there's gonna be any poc who will be in those jobs right? 🙄 I could excuse one, but three? That's dropping the ball.

I agree that Fire (especially in the past) has done a decent job at diversity. Honestly it's while that technically pd is my favourite, because burzek are my otp, objectively fire was too. Because their diversity, the way they care about the community, their family interactions... It was so good. I mean obviously not perfect and it had Issues but depending it's created and ran largely by white men, it was good.

But, as a post in my drafts say but I'll make the point here instead, Fire is going the same way pd has already years ago. Objectively, pd is so shitty and literally so fucking terrible at diversity and racial issues (not to mention queer issues 🙄) but fire's always had that edge of being good. Except they've really gone downhill.

A big issue is-- and this actually goes for pd, too-- that they lost their poc and non American characters. So already when you look at the cast all lined up, it no longer looks like an incredibly diverse firehouse. I mean yes, it's not all white, but they lost Mills, Gabby, Emily and Otis. And what's more, they didn't exactly aim to replace them with more minorities. (To a degree, I know, I'm not going to get into a debate about the technicality of who replaced who!)

So they start with a nice diverse main cast (even if their secondary characters were all white), and what's more is they had that mix of cultures threaded in throughout the house-- even down to who's the best cooks and what they cook. This, even if there was only a handful of minorities, helped to bring that atmosphere of Diversity and togetherness.

The best places I've ever been in are ones where there is a lovely mix of cultures. I mean obviously I'm not white so I just feel more comfortable around other minorities, and I'm from a very diverse city. Which is why I like Chicago, and one Chicago, because a lot of the things can be similar to home (just with the caveat that I don't have a big latino population). And I liked that feel that early CF had.

A mix of cultures in one pot, it's truly one of the best things ever, especially bc us minorities are so much more likely to be accepting of one another. And while this wasn't really ever as at the forefront of the show like I'd say do, it was so good depending the white creators and white leads.

But when they lost their actors, they not only physically, from how the cast looks, lost a lot of their diversity, but they lost that vibe. And that's a big factor in how this feels even more disappointing, because they already only have a few poc and just keeps adding white characters, but they've rid us of that feeling. And because they're not really making sure to keep that vibe, they're not thinking about it in the casting room-- which means they don't remember that hey, we should hire people who aren't, y'know, white.

It's the opportunities they could take and ignores that creates this disappointment. As you've said, why couldn't we have a woc to lead the 51, especially after last season with them talking about how incredible it is to have woc in charge. And I mean, okay, I get it to a degree-- they want the first black woman lieutenant in charge to be Stella. (And by get it I mean I get that white men feel that it's more special that way bc they see two black women as two black women first, not two individuals whereas we don't). So... Make the lieutenant latina. Chicago has such a big latino as well as black so if they don't want to use a black actor bc of Stella... There's still a non white option!!! But instead they choose... A white man, who's presumed straight.

And honestly, these things I might be able to get pass if, as you put, they didn't neglect their pre-existing poc over Pelham and Hawkins!! Like Ritter is nothing but a plot device in gallo's immaturity, and Cruz... I'm so mad about them fading out his storyline. Honestly the way before these seasons aired the productions amped up Kim's and Cruz's respective storylines only to drop them has already pissed me off, but to have them choose to ignore a moc's struggles, even more as he approaches fatherhood which can be a trigger to bring up deep repressed issues? It's like why did they even bother!!!

And idek what's up with Gallo. Like why bring in more white characters when you're doing nothing with this one? And that's another thing that annoyed me about the Pelham thing-- so it was shown early on that Stella took a kinda mentoring role to Gallo, and they could've had her leave some notes for who came to fill in (although yes technically he filled in for Matt) and like we could see Pelham doing things recommended-- and getting to see what amazing work Stella does despite her not being on our screen- getting them to keep shining a light on their woc even when the actress was taking a break.

And it just pisses me off even more that they reintroduced seager and she's nothing but a useless flirt. Like way to demonise, writers!

All these points can kinda link into pd, too, and I'm just gonna talk about that for a moment although I will be making a separate post about it. I was going to include these points in the paragraphs talking about it in fire but I thought I'd just add it on here on the end in case people just wanted to focus on CF.

The loosing of poc: honestly this is an even bigger problem in pd then it is in fire. Because one) fire has more than one, and two) they have done somewhat more of loosing a poc and swapping them with another (although there's inherent problems with that too). But pd, we always had basically none, and then whenever they lost characters, they just... Didn't replace them.

Kevin is literally the only poc and his storyline is only ever about being black-- and it's not even done well!!! Yes points are poignant, but overall it's just so exhausting and honestly overdue. And they wrote off Antonio, got rid of Rojas with no mention, and now... The Latino community apparently doesn't exist, and the black community only exists when they remember about Kevin.

And fun fact writers, just because we (poc) disappear from your minds as soon as you think you've done your quota, doesn't mean we actually disappear in real life! We're still here, watching your show, seeing our issues get made a mockery of. Like no, things don't stop just because the focus is on this character today. It's an ongoing thing, and it's a thing that white people-- no matter how hard they try-- will never ever know how it feels. You can't, not unless you have the skin we have, not unless you grow up feeling the way people look at you from day fucking one. The closest white people will ever get is when they're parents to non-white kids, but even that will never quite be the same.

And obviously a lot of this is Eid's fault. I mean pd was still a fucking disaster pre-eid, but it was better. But Eid came in, killed characters and did nothing to hire others after or discuss racial issues until, y'know, George Floyd happened.

And it's not just about poc, and our communities that's been overlooked and ignored. It's the potential about other underrepresented communities. Like Hailey. She's Greek, her grandparents or great grandparents were probably immigrants, or if not, her family grew up around Greek immigrants and in that culture. And when she's introduced, there's literally another Greek character in the show but do they jump on the chance to use that to integrate her and the multi-cultural life in Chicago? Nope! She brings Greek donuts once and then it's like Greek? Me? Oh no way.

And it's even more important because Hailey is "American passing". You look at her, and you look at her name, and the average person won't see the enriching Greek culture. (I'm not saying btw that Greeks have to look a certain way, they don't, but I'm just pointing out that the average white person who's not knowledgeable in cultures will not associate all the uniqueness Hailey could bring, the opinions she'd have).

I'm not even gonna touch upon Makayla in this post, mostly because I've got others I'm gonna dedicate to just her because it's complicated, but the whole fucking way they've handled that is just so so bad and I can't even understand the people who said that the writing from Eid taking over to him stepping down being good.

I'm gonna stop this here now, especially before I go into ranting about Jay and Voight and even more before I start ranting about some areas of this fandom!

Anyway!!! Sorry (again) that this took so long to get around too, and I'm sorry most of what I've answered isn't insights but just me ranting but thank you so much for sending this. It's everything I think, and it makes me feel less alone, especially because it can feel like I'm a little bit crazy in this fandom bc of things like this and getting sent this by another poc makes me feel better (By the way, this whole time I've been assuming you're also a poc but if you're not, I'm guessing you're from an underrepresented community yourself bc your wording just shows that!)

Feel free to come into my inbox whenever, and I can promise I'll try and answer you sooner 🤣

#reese's asks #chicago fire #chicago pd #joe cruz #hailey upton #jason pelham #evan hawkins #one chicago #cf anon #ree has thoughts

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bisexualamy · 3 years

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hi. hello. i've only been following you for a short while, so apologies if there's already a post about it somewhere on your blog, but would you be willing to expand on duck newton a little bit? the thing is that i'm terribly stupid and i feel like i see your point but don't know. why exactly...

Hi! There’s not one comprehensive post about it but I’m more than happy to make this one it. And don’t beat yourself up!! I think some of this does come from “I am a trans man and his experience resonates with me” and personally, I think that being an argument for identifying someone as gay/trans/queer coded is valid. But that’s not, imo, the only reason why many folks (including myself) really see Duck as a trans man. So here are a few more. Spoilers for the ending of TAZ: Amnesty ahead.

Goes by a nickname & treats revealing his “actual”/proper/non-nickname name as a sign of intimacy - I think this is the most obvious one but the way that Justin plays it gives it a genuine quality that really fits with Duck being trans. I love the exchange between Duck and Aubrey where she asks for his name, he replies “Duck” and when she presses him he says “we’re not there yet” and she says “we’re not at names?!”

Names being an intimate symbol is not exclusive to trans folks, but for many of us, choosing our names is often a literal and symbolic first step towards redefining the lens through which the world sees us. This time, in a way we want to. Duck’s earnest insistence that no, he is Duck, and that’s enough, comes off as very trans. So much so, that I wasn’t sure initially how I felt about his name reveal to Minerva in the finale. But the more I sat with it, and after my Amnesty re-listen, I think it actually puts a really fine point on this.

Choosing a name for yourself is really vulnerable. From what we know about Duck’s past, it really sounds like Duck has gone by Duck since he was a kid. Juno has known Duck since they were both teens, at least, and she’s always called him Duck, even in flashbacks. Duck remarks in another flashback that his mom doesn’t like the name Duck, yet he still insists on using that name. To me, it’s very easy to take a trans reading of Duck here. Duck has had clear discomfort with his birth name since he was a kid, whether or not he realized it was for a trans reason. He starts going by a nickname very early on, and later chooses a more traditionally male name (Wayne) as his legal name when he transitions. But in a sense, he was Duck before he was anything else. Revealing the secret name he chose for himself to Minerva, in this reading, just makes that an even more intimate moment.

Part of an alternative subculture as a kid - this is somewhat anecdotally based, but we know Duck was a skater and kind of a punk as a teenager when he was going through his own period of self-discovery. Alternative subcultures are often refuges for lgbt and gnc folks as teens, because they can be safe spaces for alternate gender expression. For me, being part of the pop punk/emo subculture as a kid gave me a lot more freedom to experiment with gender neutral and masculine gender presentation. I see Duck’s past as a skater and a punk a good parallel for this. We also know that Duck had kind of a fraught adolescence, and this was an outlet for him. I think this reading is even stronger when you consider him as a trans character, trying on the identities of different subcultures in parallel to understanding his own gender identity. His character arc redefining his identity as the chosen one is a genuinely great parallel for the trans gender euphoria, self acceptance, and taking an active role in reshaping one’s identity - this is absolutely my favorite one. Duck’s literal journey as the chosen one works really well as a metaphorical trans narrative, and I honestly think it strengthens his character arc to read him as a trans character redefining what it means to be the chosen one. Duck is caught between who he is as part of the Kepler community and who he is as the chosen one in an interstellar war. And his character arc is finding what it means to be all of these things and also Duck. From a young age, Duck is told he’s the chosen one, and his whole life is redefined in front of him. He’s very resistant to accepting this fact. What will this mean for his family? What will this mean for him and his future? What if he doesn’t want this? Why him? Who picked him? What if I don’t want all this baggage? Can I please give this to someone else? His first scene with Minerva is very reminiscent of the first moment of “wait, am I trans? What does that mean? Who am I, actually? I don’t want this.” Many trans folks, myself included, sort of know they’re trans before they know they’re trans. In our transphobic society, it’s a lot easier to just not be trans. It sort of sits there in the back of your mind, and sometimes you can ignore it, sometimes you even forget about it, but it inevitably always comes back. Because to ignore you’re trans is to ignore the truth of your life. The same thing happens to Duck and his identity as the chosen one. Minerva literally reappears to him throughout his life to remind him that he can’t run from his destiny, as much as he tries to shut her out. Duck even goes through periods of accepting “hey, maybe this chosen one thing isn’t so bad” only for something to go a bit wrong and him to completely reject it again. Minerva gives Duck Beacon, and for a moment he’s like “hey, this is kind of cool” before his destiny scares him and he falls back into what the hell am I doing and eventually gives Beacon to Ned. He shuts away a symbol of the identity he’s running from, much like a trans person might hide objects or experiences that give them gender euphoria, because to accept them is to start to accept the truth of who you are. I also like this reading because it makes Leo Tarkesian a great parallel for older trans mentors. Leo lived the life of the chosen before Duck. He’s gone through this all before and now his role is to keep Duck safe and make sure he safely comes into his own identity as the chosen one. The found family? The generational mentorship? The fact that Leo and Duck talk about the emotional weight of being chosen in a way Duck can’t really express with others? Even Minerva? Very trans. When Duck stops running from who he is he realizes he might actually like being the chosen one. When he loses his abilities, he realizes he misses them. But the solution isn’t to just become what Minerva tells him. The solution isn’t to just abandon all of his principles and values, abandon everything that makes Duck Duck and transform into the model of a chosen one. Duck won’t kill anybody. Duck chooses to make decisions with arguably worse outcomes for himself to avoid killing anybody (like saving Billy the Goatman). Duck gets to define what it means to be Duck The Chosen. He won’t settle for anything less. This, to me, is a really awesome parallel for not just accepting one’s gender but accepting oneself and your experiences of gender, and making it your own until it feels euphoric. Two other quick things that are more my opinion than textual analysis:

Duck’s brand of a softer masculinity made me feel euphoric as a trans man and it’s a kind of masculinity I see a lot of trans men aspire to have. Yes, not all trans men are masculine in this way. However, I think the gentle streak in his masculinity codes him as this type of trans man. This great thread goes into more depth on that.

Duck is characterized quite strongly as a staple of the Kepler community. He knows everybody and they all know him and they all call him Duck. It’s just, “that’s our Duck.” That’s a wonderful thing for me as a trans person, to see a community come together around accepting a trans person they’ve known all his life, and certainly known since before his transition. That just makes me happy. 

This was long but I hope it helped better understand why Duck is so important to me as a trans character! Thank you for the ask. I had a lot of fun writing this up.

#taz #taz amnesty #taz meta #taz amnesty meta #duck newton #hailing frequencies open #okay to reblog #long post ///#my meta #Anonymous

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fitzefitcher · 3 years

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honestly i've been seeing bastion as like a Buddhist-ish place with ancient greek aesthetics, bc letting go of your earthly attachments to be enlightened is pretty Buddhist. 'If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill the Buddha. If you meet your father, kill your father.', that kind of thing. i haven't thought of it as a Light place at all, though i can see why others do.

so there's. a lot of things I would like to cover in answering this, and I'm honestly dreading it a little lmao buuuuut I will do the best I can. I have a lot of thoughts about Bastion, and about the Light, so I'm going to take this as an opportunity to explore that. so: content warning for discussion of religion and religious trauma, esp in regards to identity erasure.

full disclosure: I'm an american queer that was raised roman catholic (specifically, roman catholic within the confines of a heavily irish-italian community) and currently identify more as like. an agnostic apostate, would be the closest thing to describe it, I think. generally, while I'm not really crazy about organized religion as a massive institution capable of doing absolutely wretched things to the people it alleges to helping (and by no means am suffering under the delusion that it hasn't and won't continue to do these things so long as oppressive systems of power are in place, just like it would be in any other area, not just religion), I also acknowledge that there's a lot of good in it, too, and it's the cornerstone of many people's community, culture, and identity. ultimately, my opinion is that religion is a tool, and whoever's holding that tool decides its purpose and intention. it's. a complicated matter lmao.

I'm not going to pretend I'm an expert on buddhism, here. obviously this was not the religion (or any of the many cultures its beliefs are centered in) I was raised as, and honestly even the research I've done for this feels like it's barely scratching the surface. so, rather than try and argue or explain something that is really out of the realm of what I'm familiar with or have experience with (esp. something that's not really mine to claim), I will try and explain things from my own experience as a queer AFAB person raised as roman catholic. and speaking from that perspective, it is very incredibly obvious to me how much of bastion was lifted from christian theology. not just the aesthetics of it, all of the weird identity conformity shit, too. the way that kyrian ideology is being used here, is as a tool to enforce this conformity.

same with how the Light as a concept has been developed in recent years- there are no longer any significant differences between the way individual factions use and interact with the light, even though as cultures their views on it should be radically different, or at least different enough that they don't feel like homogenized versions of each other. like, there's no real difference between how the humans view the Light, and how dwarves view the light, and how gnomes view the Light, and it doesn't really feel like there ever was. Nelves' view on it used to be characterized pretty strongly and differently, as did trolls and draenei, but the longer the years go on, the more that they sort of blend together. to get back to your statement, "I haven't thought of it as a Light place at all," I find that very difficult to parse as a statement, as Bastion as a whole has been developed from base concepts of the Light. Like, Kyrians were designed from spirit healers, spirit healers are now confirmed to be Kyrians (for some reason), and all of the aesthetics of their magic, their clothing, their environment are all heavily priest, paladin, and light-inspired. everything is golds and marbles and sky blues, when they become "corrupted," they suddenly become shadow-themed, like all greys and blacks and purples, their wings turn black, etc. but the similarities, and all their short-comings, go much farther than that.

so the general story thread of each area of the shadowlands in this expansion is that things aren't as they seem, right? that their individual systems are beginning to fall to internal corruption and are crumbling under their own weight. and we see this in each of the trailers- the houses of maldraxxus are starting to eat each other, ardenweald is slowly starving to death, revendreth's citizens are being choked with heavy demands from the aristocracy, and bastion is struggling to adjust in the face of new, unprecedented problems, unwilling to change their ways, even when it's explicitly obvious how badly they need to change. like, I've talked about this a little bit before- the trailer and the way it's structured led me to believe that we, the players, are meant to be hanging out with Devos and Uther, trying to help them convince Devos' boss that very obvious bad thing that's happening, is happening. And this is about how it goes for the other trailers- we learn about the betrayal of Draka's house in maldraxxus, and the maldraxxus storyline is centered on helping her figure out what happened and pick up the pieces. We learn about Ardenweald's rapidly shrinking resources and dying environment, and the ardenweald storyline is centered on figuring out what the cause of this famine is. We learn about Revendreth's aristocracy and how they're demanding more and more of the common people, and the revendreth storyline is centered on overthrowing the increasingly tyrannical cruelty of their current leaders and helping the common people, with the help of a leader favored by the common people. And I feel like, given the state of things, and how the IRL world as a whole has been going the past couple years, helping Devos and Uther get to the bottom of this, maybe even helping Bastion adjust and change in the face of these new challenges, would have been a very good, insightful storyline, and very appropriate for the times we're in.

This, clearly, is not what happened lmao. Whether or not they'll decide to develop bastion further, at least in terms of addressing its failings with its own people, is up for debate, but based on WoW's previous history of similar stories, I'm not very confident lmao.

so I will touch on that statement of bastion being a "buddhist-like place" for a moment, I did look into buddhism a bit, and while I very quickly realized that there wasn't really a way that I could discuss this at length in a way that's fair (esp. with how many variations and cultures there are centered around it, again, I am not an expert, I am doing the best I can with the information I have), the very very bare bones basics of buddhism that I can find more or less boil down to, yes, letting go of earthly attachments to attain enlightenment. but this is not really a nuanced assessment of buddhism, and tbh, isn't really the goal of the kyrians' purification rituals. sure, at first glance, it seems to line up- shedding the burdens of their mortal lives in order to achieve ascension- but ascension here, is not enlightenment. buddhist enlightenment, from what I can find, seems to be the act of breaking free from the cycle of death and rebirth and from mortal suffering. kyrian ascension is the act of, not breaking free of that cycle, but tying yourself to it for an eternity of service. and living your life (even an eternal one- especially an eternal one) in the service of others is a really strongly christian concept. and the kyrian's concept of virtues only strengthens this. the fact that kyrians have virtues at all is heavily christian-coded, and on top of that, the virtues they have feel like they've been lifted directly from christian beliefs. also like. they're literal fucking angels, trying to earn their wings. like. there's not much else I can think of that's that heavy-handed lmao.

let's talk more about those virtues, though.

the kyrian virtues are as follows: purity, humility, courage, wisdom, and loyalty. There are a number of variations on christian virtues, but here are two of the main sets: one set lines up as the ideological opposite to the seven capital sins (or seven deadly sins if you're an FMA fan lmao), and the other is more-or-less what is accepted in contemporary belief. This is what I was taught in sunday school/CCD, so this is what I'm a little more familiar with.

so set 1, the heavenly virtues, are: chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility, and set 2, the contemporary virtues, are split further into 2 groups: the cardinal virtues, prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance, and the theological virtues, charity, hope, and faith.

So humility, courage, and wisdom, are pretty straight-forward in terms of what they represent, and line up pretty neatly with humility (lol) from the heavenly virtues, and fortitude and prudence from the contemporary virtues. To touch on those briefly, humility is exactly what it says on the tin, and acts as an ideological opposite to the capital sin of pride, fortitude is bravery and endurance as well as patience, and prudence is reason and self-discipline, esp in terms of handling yourself and how you interact with others. And these are perfectly fine as principles. the ones that set off alarm bells for me, though, are loyalty and purity.

as kyrian virtues, they don't really line up to any christian virtues from either set. but tbh, this is beside the point- the fact that purity and loyalty are considered virtues, at all, especially in combination with each other, at best feel very suspicious, and at worst openly hostile. and the way this is covered in game only enforces this. purity is only obtained by sloughing off pieces of yourself that the kyrians consider obstructive to your ascension and how you can serve the Purpose, and questioning this or any other aspect of their ascension ritual gets you sent to the temple of loyalty to, ostensibly, stay there until you Get Your Priorities Straightened Out lmao. Like, there's no exploration of why these purity rituals are being questioned to begin with, there's no examination of why the rituals are necessary to begin with, and seemingly, prospective kyrians are punished for even asking. like, for a faction that seemingly prides itself on helping their members becoming their best selves, it feels strange that the reaction to their unsure members is punitive instead of therapeutic.

at this point, the link between the kyrians' beliefs and christianity should be readily apparent. it's no secret that over the centuries, christianity has used as a tool for oppressive systems to dominate marginalized groups, both within its ingroup and without. "purity" in christianity is less a virtue and more a heavily enforced, wildly contradictory idea, hiding itself in mealy-mouthed platitudes about being a Good Person or Becoming Your Best Self while simultaneously, stringently punishing its own members for daring to step a toe out of an extremely arbitrary line. like, I remember going to church growing up, and in the same breath that the head priest said to pray for various members of the community (thoughts and prayers, lmao), pray for [insert local sports team here] to win for their upcoming game, he also said that yes, democrats are corrupting the country. yes, homosexuals are going to hell. mass was an exercise in enduring misery most of the time, and a big reason I stayed closeted from my family for the majority of my life is because of this, and I still am, in many ways. I still have to divvy myself up in bits and pieces to become Socially Acceptable enough to appease my extended family, and there are certain family members that I will go to my grave never having come out to them, because I know they will never accept me for who I am, truly. so to have purity be a kyrian virtue with no further examination, no trace of irony, and to have loyalty as a virtue to back it up, feels, at best, extremely tone-deaf.

when you quest alongside kleia and pelagos, you see these purity rituals, and you see how large a toll they take on them. you see pelagos struggle, and you as the player help him overcome the difficulties he faces- difficulties he could not overcome himself. you see kleia, over time, becoming more and more disgruntled with bastion's governing body as a whole, and finding more and more cracks in the kyrians' concept of purity. but no lessons are learned, from either of these. nothing is examined further, and I have doubts that it ever will.

you, the player, see other kyrians, who previously were orcs, tauren, trolls, draenei, all these non-humans, being stripped of their identity, ostensibly for the reason that it will make them more just and fair a judge, a concept that rapidly falls apart the longer you look at it. the idea of all these sentient creatures from all these walks of life, particularly the ones heavily coded as BIPOC, are to be stripped of their cultural identity and made into Homogenous Standard (white-coded) Blue Human is so intrinsically malicious that it is genuinely baffling that it was even seriously considered as an idea, let alone greenlit and put into the game. prospective mortals are scouted to be kyrians theoretically for the lives they lived in service of others, in justice and kindness and wisdom, and then they are made to give up more and more pieces of those lives, rendering whatever they've learned, whatever experiences they've gained, that made them this person that the kyrians sought out in the first place, an utterly pointless and redundant endeavor. things like kindness, wisdom, courage, are not inherent qualities. They are things that have to be learned. They are things in which the context of them is paramount to how they will be measured. So to say that it is Necessary to do this, to make them Fairer, to make them More Just, feels both stunningly nonsensical and just pointlessly, nihilistically mean.

so what does this have to do with the Light?

well, in recent years, it seems to be steering more and more towards the idea that only correct religion within WoW is the Light, and there's only One Way to be Light. Early on in WoW's development, it was established that yeah, shadow has a bit of a reputation and can certainly be misused, but nobody's arguing that the Light can be misused, too, and that neither shadow nor light are inherently good nor inherently evil- they just Are, and each serve their own purpose in this world and its way of things. I had written a post about this like. several years ago, and a lot of it hasn't aged very well (I will not link to it bc woof, it was Pretty Rough to look at again after seven years lmao), but the gist of it was that Light and Shadow, are less like good and evil, and more like the Force from star wars. Well, a more nuanced force- again, Light is not Strictly Good, Shadow is not Strictly Evil. They are merely opposite sides of the same spectrum, but they are not inherently antithetical to each other. It was less a religion/belief system with an established deity, and more just reverence for the universe and its workings as a whole. Yes, it has the markers and drapings of christianity, particularly in its aesthetics, but the actual belief system didn't really lift anything from any particular christian belief system, and didn't really match up to any one of them, besides, again, the aesthetic of it. The Light now, however- now it does have a lot in common with christian beliefs. or at least, it and the church of the light have a lot in common with the mentality of those with strong christian beliefs. Which is to say, again, there is only one Correct Religion, and it's Light, and there's only One Correct Way to be Light. other religions within wow are either condemned, painted as savage, violent, heretical, or watered down so much that they either don't matter or function as mere Extensions to the light.

last summer, when I was reading the "before the storm" novel as research for my sylvanas essay, one of the many, many things that made it a difficult read was how like. unintentionally, thoughtlessly intolerant Golden had written it. Anduin, one of the main characters in it, despite having a history of kindness, compassion, curiosity, and understanding, is kind of shunted into being a 1-dimensional Good Christian Boy(tm). Like, he struggles with interacting with the forsaken, despite them having been in existence for over a decade at this point, and more than half his lifetime, and despite having dealt with them before, and orcs, and tauren, and a great number of other non-human creatures, while still treating them with grace and dignity, and respecting their perspectives, experiences, and beliefs. like, he's painted as thinking that the netherlight temple would be an alliance-only, church of the holy light only affair, and is really surprised, even stunned, at the thought of having to interact with non-alliance, non-light priests. and something that really really stuck with me while reading this, was that Anduin, this compassionate, intelligent, understanding person, could only learn to interact with priests of other factions and species, despite having already done this before, many, many times in his life, on the basis that They, Too, Are Servants Of The Light. and there's just. no examination in this. no irony. Light is Right, Others are Not. No lessons were learned.

#warcraft #ask tag #god I guess I should tag this as #essay tag #Anonymous

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gettin-bi-bi-bi · 3 years

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anon whom u asked to elaborate

(I'm a girl 17)I've had guy crushes bit i never wanted to be physically close to them or wanted to be in a relationship with them, not that that situation would've ever arised

but I've been questioning my sexuality for over a year and half now and i THINK i like this girl but i feel like it's not real and i want to be in a relationship with her and want to be close to her but idk if I'm REALLY attracted to her like 'butterflies in stomach' thing didn't happen but i was excited(maybe coz i know she's straight but idk)

and even in future I'd like to be with a girl(physically and emotionally also im pretty sure that im sexually attracted to them) but idk if I'd ever be attracted to them in a way they deserve and with boys i don't think it's physical atleast, idk about emotional cause I've had crushes and all

and i read your last reply and u said if in theory i think i am attracted to them thing but then every bi curious person is bi and so on?

and i think i have the potential to be attracted to women in future but it seems fake( this can also be because of the fact that i know zero lgbt+ people in real life and probably never will because of the situation in my society)

and ik you'll probably say it's internalized biphobia nd like yes maybe but it's been such a fucking long time it's frustating and i still haven't reached a conclusion and i just can't overcome it and I'm exhausted

Thanks for elaborating. And sorry if that’s not the magic epiphany you want to hear but yeah, a lot of that sounds like internalised biphobia/lesbophobia to me.

I would urge you to reread your own message again and maybe imagine it was someone else, maybe a good friend of yours, saying those things to you. What would you think or say to them if they said something like:

“i want to be in a relationship with her and want to be close to her”

“in future I'd like to be with a girl (physically and emotionally also im pretty sure that im sexually attracted to them)”

“i think i have the potential to be attracted to women in future”

Do any of these statements sound to you like something a heterosexual woman would say? To me they don’t. You are literally saying in various different ways that you are attracted to woman and desire them romantically and sexually. Straight women do not desire romantic and/or sexual relationships with other women. Straight women do not have the potential to be attracted to women - by definition they don’t bc they are heterosexual = exclusively attracted to men. Everything you say confirms that you are attracted to women = that you are NOT straight.

And all the doubts that you are having are internalised crap that’s holding you back. And yes, sure, living in a queerphobic environment where other LGBTQIA+ people are erased (I’m sure they exist around you but have to be closeted), puts you in a very tough position to explore and accept your sexuality. If you cannot connect to the queer community offline then at least try it online, try to talk to people here.

I also want to get into something you said regarding girls which was “idk if I'd ever be attracted to them in a way they deserve”. What do you mean “a way they deserve”? You don’t owe anyone attraction one way or another. Either you are attracted to someone or not. And there are probably as many different ways to be attracted to someone as there are different people. To some you may not be attracted at all, to others a little bit. To some the attraction might be purely sexual or purely romantic or something else entirely or a mix between all of it. And maybe after some time you realise there’s a pattern, for example that whenever you find yourself attracted to men it’s only or mostly sexual without any desire to pursue a romance there; but when you find yourself attracted to women there is more romance involved. Or maybe there’s a different pattern or none at all. But attraction just ~happens~ and it’s nothing that you are obliged to feel a certain way.

If you want to identify as bi then you can, even if those “attraction patterns” aren’t the same for every gender. It’s fine to be bi while having different desires for different genders. And for some bi people, romantic and sexual orientation don’t align perfectly, so you could also see if the split attraction model suits you (for example: bisexual/homoromantic). But to go back to that statement of yours: nobody “deserves” to be attracted to at all. You got that wrong here, my friend. You don’t owe it to anybody that you are attracted to them one way or another. If you have feelings for someone and you are afraid that they aren’t “strong enough” or aren’t of “the right kind” that’s for you to decide and I would always recommend to play with open cards and be honest to the person about feelings and fears and all that. And then they can decide for themselves what they want to make of this information. But nobody ever “deserves” to be the object of your desire in a certain way. Scratch that! It’s a very unrealistic and unhealthy way to look at attraction.

I understand that you are exhausted, that this seems like it’s not going anywhere. But then also consider how far you’ve already come. Think of yourself a year or two ago or even further back and see how much you’ve already learned about yourself. The fact you’re able to reflect on your sexuality that much is an achievement and you can be proud of it. Asking for help and advice is also something to be proud of. I do have my usual “getting rid of internalised biphobia” post here but in your case I would like to primarily advise you to be kind and patient to yourself. And start believing yourself! When you find yourself thinking “I have a crush on this girl/I am attracted to her/I want to be in a relationship with a woman” then remind yourself that those are not the words of a straight women. Try to kill those doubts with pure logic. I can guarantee you that no heterosexual woman desires sex or romance with another woman - if she does then she’s gonna realise sooner or later that she’s not really been straight after all. And furthermore: don’t waste too much energy comparing your feelings for women to your feelings for men. It can be interesting and for some people it’s helpful but for others it isn’t. If it doesn’t get your forward to compare that then just don’t and remind yourself that bisexuality doesn not mean you have to be equally attracted to all genders. It can be different and you don’t need to pick it all apart in detail if you don’t feel like that helps you at this point.

Maddie

#Anonymous

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aro-culture-is · 4 years

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1)I'm aro & even tho I came to know about that term just recently I've alys had the 'aro' personality & those who know me knows it. I'm 23 & never been in a relation. I'm also introvert so I don't really have close friends & i don't desire other's company whether romantic or not. When I was 14 I had this guy frn & I guess we were pretty close. I stopped talking to him over some argument about he wanting me to be his gf. I wasn't planning on not speaking with him forever but he died a week later

2)So since I'm in 20s and suddenly everythings about finding the missing piece crap I always get pressured into seeking it. I tell my mom time and again that it's not for me but she keeps pointing out that I'm shy introvert and I don't know what I'm missing and the story of that guy. I honestly don't have much memory of him now but she tells me that I was devastated and she was worried sick for me cause she thought he was my bf. So now I'm confused and try to look at myself w/o those things

3) but I can't. I don't know if I need therapy and this aromantic is sth in me that can be fixed. I don't mean to degrade the word. And I don't know if I want it fixed even if it's fixable. I don't know how to answer to my mom bringing up possible trauma that may be possible for me being aro. There has to be other people with similar situation. What is on the other side?

4) sorry this this getting too long but I want to add about how he died to get a gist of how fucked up it was. I used to help him with studies and we often had extra classes where I used to go with him insisting that he go since he had difficulty getting decent grades. That day I didn't call him as I said I wasn't talking with him. He had gone for swimming when we had class. He drowned in a river nearby. It was never known if it was accidental or not.

TWs: trauma, implied suicide (as a possibility), internalized arophobia

okay... so, i’m going to preface this with the fact that regardless of the aromantic side of things, the language that you used throughout this would make me inclined to suggest therapy regardless. i’m not a professional, i’m just a 20yo who’s seen a lot of the growth of the aro community on tumblr over the last 7 years.

the reason i’m saying this is specifically that you mention “i guess we were pretty close”, “don’t have much memory of him now”, etc., especially paralleled with how you keep mentioning that you’re getting info about this from your mother. again, i’m not a professional, but that speaks to me of a traumatic situation (aka: something that you were not emotionally capable of processing when it happened) in which you either didn’t form memories well (a stress response, but this seems unusually severe in my limited understanding) or possibly have repressed it to some degree. both are totally normal responses, but nonetheless it might help to speak to a qualified professional about your experience with this if it’s distressing you enough to ask me, a random internet blog, about it in this detail.

additionally, in all honesty, i’m concerned that your only source of info seems to be your mother. while i’ll say in full disclosure that my view is impacted by my own (shitty) relationship with my mother, many parents want their children to lead what they picture to be a perfect life, to the point of causing damage in their attempts to mold their children into those lives. if this specifically is only being brought up when you talk about being aro / in conjunction with conversations about dating, that would lead me to suspect this is the case.

with regards to the aromantic side of this ask:

1) being aromantic is first and foremost about attraction. if you don’t think you’ve ever, or rarely, felt romantic attraction? you’re aro. you don’t have to claim the label if you don’t want to, but I think in your case it sounds like you do want to.

2) with ppl assuming that you were dating someone especially when you were 14, i’d disregard anything they say. at least in USA culture, mothers especially are poor judges of who is and is not dating in my experience, and typically assume any friends who happen to be a guy and a girl must actually be dating. literally it’s so rare for parents, especially mothers in this culture not to assume that that i actually cannot think of a person who i know who didn’t have their parents make that assumption at least once when it wasn’t true.

3) the relationship between aromanticism and trauma is often personal. ppl who have experienced trauma that they believe caused them to be aro are still aromantic if they chose to label themselves such, and it is directly unhealthy to take that control away from a trauma victim. while again, i am not a professional, i was given basic training about how best to support a victim of trauma, and the number one thing is that you must give them the reigns. they ultimately must have power over what happens to them. empowerment is extremely important.

that said: studies do find that the average alloromantic person experiences their first crushes around the age of 10. if you personally don’t recall having had any crushes before this experience, I wouldn’t be quick to describe your aromanticism as stemming from trauma. if you did have crushes, but you recall picking a person to have a crush on, that’s not what an alloromantic person calls a crush, that’s what an aromantic person who is trying to fit in calls a crush. so. there’s that to think about.

4) from the last point: “curing” aromanticism. if and only if your lack of attraction stems from trauma do i believe there is a chance that therapy could help to unlock any form of attraction you used to have. in all honesty, though, I would strongly advise that if you do believe this is the correct course of action for you, you cannot go into this with a therapist who isn’t respectful of queer identities. you cannot go into this with the expectation that everything will “return to normal”. trauma is complex. therapists with no knowledge of aromanticism could easily do harm simply because they aren’t familiar with the fact that people who don’t experience romantic attraction can live fulfilling lives.

this ask is complex. i’m really hoping i’ve answered it the best i can, but ultimately, all i can do is say this:

i’m sorry that you experienced this. what happened was not your fault, and you deserve to be able to move forwards with your life regardless and feel content with your life.

for as long as you want it, the label aromantic is yours to claim. no one can take that from you. sometimes, well-meaning people may try, because they don’t know better than to assume it is harming you. that does not mean that they know you better than you know yourself.

trauma is complicated, and healing from it can feel daunting. however, therapy can help you process what happened then, what is happening now, and come to a conclusion about how best to move forwards. it sounds to me like you harbor a feeling of guilt about a situation that, no matter what, was not your fault. accident or not, anyone who tries to imply that it was your fault is wrong. i know that my words as a stranger might not carry much weight, but if nothing else I want you to know that you are allowed to stop carrying this weight.

this ask is complex because in all honesty? i don’t think is about aromanticism. as someone who is currently in therapy, and who regularly discusses my own trauma with my therapist, i’m reading a lot of the same types of feeling i’m currently confronting in your ask.

best wishes

#aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #advice #tw trauma #tw suicide #trauma tw #suicide tw #again tagging suicide because of the implication #that i as a person who prefers to not read those implications would want #god i hope this is okay #anon please know that i care very much #and that if therapy is something you can afford i would highly recommend it #Anonymous #mod kee

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