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snenbubs · 3 months

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May I please ask for mammon x a human reader that is a cop. Female reader specifically

You may!! :) I'm assuming you wanted HCs, so thats what I'll write! If you wanted smth else then just send in another ask!

I need to warn you, I haven't written in a short while so I'm a little rusty........ ALSO... sorry for the weird formatting i started writing this on my laptop and then switched to my phone half way through so its odd

HB!Mammon x Fem!Reader human who is a cop.

This ask is really interesting, because how the two of you interact is entirely dependent on what kind of cop you are.

Are you a good cop, or a bad cop? A bad cop who is highly likely to take bribes, and take advantage of their position, or a good cop who does not take bribes, and actively wants to help people?

This dynamic would probably work best with a cop who doesn't take bribes. I feel that Mammon would take advantage of a cop who takes bribes, he knows he can get away with shit and they'd just sorta become another pawn to him. He lives in Hell, he's used to people like that - you on the other hand, he's not used to.

Someone who is genuinely nice, but can stand her own ground. Someone who would put themselves in danger for others. Who doesn't care about the reward, only the satisfaction of hard work. Someone so un-selfish and charitable, the exact opposite of what he stood for.

Mammon doesn't go to Earth often, he doesn't need to, he has underlings that do that for him. So, to be on Earth, it was probably a very, very important job that he felt could not be handled by those underneath him.

He had a human disguise, I'll let you fill in the blanks for that, but to naked eye he was just a weird Australian guy with no understanding of boundaries or personal space.

Whatever job he was doing on Earth, it wasn't exactly legal... at least, to humans it wasn't. How was he supposed to know drugs were bad??? Everyone in Hell uses them!

He doesn't normally get caught doing these things, he must have been having a bad day or something because he's usually extremely good at his job. But... he's secretly glad he got caught that day, because it meant he got to meet you.

You came with a team of several other officers, all of whom took the bribes his underlings offered them. God he absolutely hated offering out his money to the officers, but he had been scolded by his fellow Sins for killing too many humans when visiting Earth and so he had to find other means to keep them off his back.

He didn't understand you, like, at all.

You refused the bribe offered to you by his demons, condemning the officers who had taken it and were backing away from the situation and it just sorta captured his attention. Like that!

And bam, ur life will never be the same again.

With this newfound admirer, the crime in the area you were situated in just kept rising and rising.

You were being sent out on investigations almost four times a week now, and when you weren't on duty you were at least on call so that they had you on hand incase anything happened.

You aren't really sure how you caught this guys attention, but every so often while on duty you'd bump into this odd Australian dude who knows no boundries or semblance of personal space. He had changed his human disguise since the last time you had caught him, so you didn't recognise him, but something about this odd man felt so familiar...

He visited with intent to corrupt you. To turn you against your own morals and become just as greedy as the other humans around you.

But... you were a tough egg to crack, and despite his frequent visits, where he'd encourage you to indulge, and take, and be a selfish prick just like him, you just never caved.

As weird as it was you genuinely started to enjoy his company and often welcomed him with open arms and, as much as you baffled him, he began to enjoy your company too.

It was the contrast that caused the attraction.

Mammon is a demon through and through, he's seen people die, he's been the cause of death for hundreds of others. He lives in Hell where there's hardly a good person in sight. Earth was no better, filled with scum and souls rotten to the core... to meet you, a truly virtous soul who wanted nothing more than to help those less fortunate and to clear the streets of danger, he was flabbergasted. You were a rare beauty, and like all rare things, he wanted you for himself.

He was certain you'd go to Heaven, but unfortunately (or, fortunately for himself) all chances of that happening were torn apart the moment you unknowingly mingled with a demon - one of the Seven Princes at that.

Was it selfish? Yes. But he's the embodiment of Greed so it checks out.

You honestly don't know why or how you found yourself attracted to him though.

At first you thought of him to be like everyone else you knew, worse if anything. He was rude, loud, obnoxious, selfish, constantly pushed your boundries, invaded your personal space, and stalked you frequently.

Yet... he could be quite charming at times. And you had to admit, he was quite attractive.

Plus, it was good company. When he wasn't trying to coerce you into stealing ice cream from kids, he could be quite fun to have at your side.

It could get weird at times though.

It was always nice when he'd visit your station during the day, knowing how stressed you'd get with all that paperwork from the weird increase of cases, but it was odd when you'd find him lounging about your house after work... he didn't have a key, nor was there any sign of forced entry, it was as though he just spawned there. Which was impossible, right?

If you ever tried to question it he'd brush you off. You let him get away with it because you had a small crush on him.

In all truth though, you had considered arresting him several times. It seemed odd that you only really saw him while on active duty within crime ridden areas, that he seemed to know how to get into houses without evidence, that he very clearly didn't give a shit about stealing things from others.

You had actually tried arresting him once or twice when you first met him, but he somehow managed to get out of your grasp every single time. Either through sweet talk, or-- did he just teleport!? No, it must've been your eyes playing tricks on you.

Now then.... I might write a oneshot for this part, because I feel it would be very interesting.

He'd have to be cautious about showing you his demon form, about revealing his true identity to you; you had strongly enforced morals, so to come out to you as Mammon, the Sin of Greed, well... it may not go down well.

But then again, there wasn't really any way to tip-toe around the subject was there? So, he might as well be blunt with it!

Being the unserious shit he is, he probably came at you with a "Hey want to see something cool?"

You did not find it very cool.

Not when the hot guy you'd invited to hang out with you suddenly turned into a 10ft tall green jester, spider, tick, bug, thing.

He was honestly offended at your reaction!

He was hot, he knew he was hot! So how very dare you scream and run away from him!

I reckon you'd lock yourself in your room, or your bathroom to get away and figure out why there's a monster in your house and he'd spend a good hour or so pouting and sulking at the fact you ran away from him.

Eventually though, he'd realise you weren't coming to comfort him and so he'd reluctantly manifest himself inside the room you locked yourself into and demand attention.

It was a... long... conversation, but eventually you accepted the fact that this demon was in fact the man you had fallen in love with and you were pretty much stuck with him now.

It was okay though. He's actually hotter as a demon. So...

ANYWAYS. I HOPE THIS IS GOOD!! I think i got a bit carried away and drifted from the theme of being a cop toward the end so im really sorry if this isnt what you wanted 😭

#helluva boss x reader #mammon hb #mammon hb x reader #hb mammon #mammon helluva boss #hb mammon x reader #he's such a cheeky guy

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obeymematches · 11 days

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So I'm not sure if this one counts as a HC, but I was wondering what self-care tips you think the Obey Me! characters would have! Maybe it's a poor prompt so feel free to skip this one, haha. :'D Alternatively, maybe what they would do to cheer up an MC who had a bad day? As a general reminder you are incredibly awesome and your writing is amazing and I always love seeing when you've posted something new!! <3 If you want any character drawings lemme know!

hello bestie if you are reading this, don't stop🩷🩷🩷

it's been years (litetally 😅 you sent me this ask in 2021, sorry for not replying sooner 😅) but i been in the mood lately to write some more again :D ((i'm so rusty though))

i absolutely loved your idea + ngl i've been re-reading your message a lot, makes me feel so nostalgic 😅🩷 I hope life's been treating you well eversince <3 hit me up if you wanna catch up 😃

Okay so first I do the self-care stuff and later i'll do the other prompt 😁

Self-care routine / tips of The Boys!

Lucifer: • His way of self-care is listening to soft piano music in the evening, next to a fireplace. He is glad to invite you! • I feel like he also cares about what he eats, trying to keep it as healthy as can be. I feel like he loves to treat himself with some good quality fish? • Appearance-wise I think he doesn’t really care as much as he wishes he could, he keeps his hair and nails nice and clean but that’s like… very basic hygene stuff.

Mammon: • His self care routine includes ordering packages at 1.24AM. • Just the excitemenet of new stuff arriving soon puts him in a better mood! • He also cares about appearance as his side job is being a model. He is not afraid to use more expensive lotions, shampoo, etc. It has to be expensive but doesn't have to be quality if you get what I mean. • Him and Asmo brush their teeth most often (up to 2 times a day) • I’m 100% sure he would love the feeling of driving aimlessly at night with his favourite music on!

Leviathan: • I feel like he is the one who needs advice on this topic. • Yes he orders stuff sometimes but he is conscious about it, it was a well thought-out decision he made. Him deserving it wasn’t really the intention. • I think sometimes he takes a long bath, by long I mean about 2 hours, and that’s pretty much it for a month.

Satan: • He learned the most from Asmo; he is very well avare of how many lotions, masks, oils, creams there are and he tried a lot of them. • His favourite are hand creams, which he uses every day. • Sometimes he puts on a face mask with Asmo but to be fair it happens like 4 times a year so it doesn’t actually do much to him. • Otherwise I think he also enjoys a rocking chair on the porch, perhaps in the garden (not where all the bugs are though!) with an enjoyable book and some non-sparkling beverage.

Asmodeus: • His list is basically endless, so just a list of some he does every day / often: • Has to wash his hair 3 times a week, uses shampoo, balm, oil and is very strict about how to dry it. • Has a lotion specific to each part of his body, except his face because you can’t have enough variety of face-serums. • Takes long baths but careful! Too long is just as bad as too short!! • Likes to sunbathe in moderation on Dia’s beach • Having his daily beauty sleep no matter what • Goes shopping on the regular

Beelzebub: • Best bet is him making his comfort food and offering you some • Works out a lot of course, a heathy body is a must! • I feel like he is also into reading personal growth books? Like how to be a better person, how to be more in-touch with you emotions, how to heal from this and that • His place of self-care also includes your embarace. Pls just cuddle with him. That’s enough of selfcare itself.

Belphie: • Ah…about self-care… • Well I guess some extra sleep counts as such? • Loves to chill under the stars, very quiet and very peaceful place to be at. It really does calm his mind • Honsetly I think he is even worse than Leviathan • Please make him brush his teeth and comb his hair • Can change a lot if you influence him though!

Diavolo:

His tips are so extravagant you can't really try them alone...

Like ah! Just go on a cruise! Have a wellness weekend by yourself! Try some rare dishes!

Thank you bby i appreciate

He does take care of his skin and body and also his mental state through working out, quality lotions and self-help books, articles.

Barbatos:

Definitely bakes when feeling like he needs self-care right now!

He is more of a spa kind of guy, though obviosly he rarely gets the chance to enjoy such things.

Honestly he functions on the bare minimum, pls help him

Simeon:

Also well-read regarding self-conscious stuff so if you need advice on it please reach out to him! As a teacher he is going to be able to explain it easily.

Not much into appearance somehow?? Like yeeeah nail, hair, teeth always nice and neat but doesn't go the extra mile.

He'd be into coloring books to help him be in a relaxed kind of state! Though that is something only Luke knows about.

Solomon:

This man is a mess regarding self-care to be frank.

I mean he usually does as he wants, that's not the issue here. He just doesn't really treat himself as priority?

Okay he does care about the basics but sometimes he skips a day or two. He genuinely forgets to brush teeth for example.

More into the spiritual kind of self-care, mental state, personality, you get it.

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dreadsuitsamus · 11 days

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U Got It Bad | Kensei Muguruma x Reader |

author's note: i'm testing the waters here. this is a modified version of one of my personal selfship writings i've done, and i've changed it up into a reader insert rather than the kensei x ellie story it originally was. i am very tentative about this lol but i figured i should at least try it. this is an au, and if you have any questions feel free to ask! it's based heavily on my own imaginings, obviously, and there are many details not mentioned as this is part of a series of events i've already written. it's inspired by the song u got it bad by usher, as that is mine and kensei's song

pairing: kensei x fem!reader

warnings: au, first date, mentions of sexy selfies but that's as nsfw as it gets, fluff

When Kensei wakes up on an early Saturday morning, he begins his normal routine of breakfast and prepping his protein shake. And as he sits down to eat, he checks his text messages and snorts softly as there's a new one you sent to him just a few hours ago. That alone is the difference between you both, he thinks. He's up early at five a.m., and you were up late at three a.m.

He likes you, he truly does! How could he not? You're mischievous and witty, not to mention quite cute, an extreme flirt, and sexy too! He hasn't seen you since that night at the bar when you ‘met’, but he turned on just a bit of his charm to get a picture of you to ‘refresh his memory' the day after he got that napkin with your name and number scribbled onto it.

Now, did he use it with intentions of maybe getting a sexy picture? Yes, yes he did.

He's not exactly proud of it, but he did get what he wanted! Your mirror selfie of you in a tiny robe had Kensei's mouth practically watering at the image of your gorgeous legs, and the cleavage naturally drew his eye as well! Your friends chided you when you showed them the picture that you'd sent him, but with the encouraging words of a particularly wonderful friend, there was no room for any shame in your heart. Plus, Kensei’s opinion and returned selfie certainly boosted that confidence. He was at the gym at the time and took a perfect picture just as he finished his shower! Towel around his waist and no shirt to be found, with that silver hair all mussed and that wet body—

Though that's when you admitted to him that you are, in fact, a virgin, and God if that didn't shake Kensei to his core. Beyond the how the hell has nobody ever fucked you senseless part of it, it's a stark realization of the maturity difference between you. You may only be four years apart in age, but when you were fourteen, Kensei was eighteen! He was in the military for a year at that point! It makes him feel weird.

Twenty-one and twenty-five is different than that, though the playing field between you still isn't exactly even. He's a grown man with the PTSD to show for his military tenure, and he's in college with a full time job under his belt. You're a young college girl who still has her bright eyes!

Gorgeous, glittery eyes that is…

Kensei shakes his head and opens up the text, snorting at the contents.

stop being stubborn and give me your saturday night!!!!! 😤

He can't fight the smile that pulls his lips. You've been talking for about a month now and have been prodding him to take you on a date for weeks. Kensei's been on dates, but he's never really been on one he liked or ultimately wanted to be on. To say he's had girlfriends in the past isn't a complete overstatement of the relationship status, but they were ultimately never anybody he'd consider taking home to his mother.

He thinks it's cute how badly you want to go out with him though. And he's run through all of his go-to excuses by now, and if he wanted to he could probably find another… But he doesn't find himself wanting to do all that. It's been a while since he's had some fun and his classes and job keep him busy and stressed, so why not take a pretty girl on a date? It'll certainly only be the one date, that's for sure. You're far too precious for his usual tricks, and he's not sure he should be the one to take your virginity. You should save yourself for someone special, like you said you wanted to when he asked why you hadn't taken that step yet.

Send me your address and I'll pick you up at eight o’clock tonight.

Kensei laughs out loud when you text him back within a handful of seconds, quickly typing another message out. Get some rest. You want my Saturday night, you're getting the whole night.

fiiiiiiine. but tell me this first— what color dress should i wear?

Ken hums thoughtfully. That black dress you wore at the bar was so sexy... But he'd really love to see you in something red.

And the thrill that runs through him when he picks you up and lays eyes on you has him lit up from head to toe. Not even his wildest dreams could have prepared him for just how good you look for him. Red dress, as requested, matching stilettos, and a fresh gel pedicure with shiny red nails, gold jewelry and shiny lips that just scream vanilla cupcake lip gloss…

You have so much fun together that the night’s come to a close before you've even realized it. You had dinner, took a walk, bar hopped… And Kensei can't keep himself from willing the clock to slow down, just a bit. This is your one date he agreed to… But as he watches you sing Mr. Brightside with a vodka cranberry in one hand and a chicken tender in the other, he just can't stop thinking about more.

More time together. More dates. More… Everything.

Two a.m. rolls around and the last bar you stopped in closes, and Kensei takes you back home then. The ride to your apartment building, which isn't too far away from his own, is the quietest it's been between you the whole night. You've sobered up quite a bit, thanks to Kensei ordering regular cranberry juice for the last three drinks you asked for. Humming along to the music on the radio, soon Kensei’s parking the car and coming around to the passenger side. He's slow, savoring the final moments of the best date he's ever been on. Casually yet boldly slipping his hand in yours as you walk inside and to the elevator, you carefully rest your head on his arm as you head up to your floor.

Glancing up at him and smiling warmly, your eyes sparkle. “Thank you for tonight, Kensei. I had so much fun.”

God, he's melting. “Me too.”

“I told you you would! We could've done this weeks ago!” You laugh, and Kensei just shakes his head. It wouldn't have been this perfect any other time but now, he thinks.

You gradually approach the door to your apartment, and you stop before him and squeeze his hands. “Goodnight. Get home safe, okay? You better text me!”

“I will, I will.” Kensei murmurs. How the hell does he cut this one off? Can he?

Your hand gently slips to the back of his neck as you get on your tiptoes to place a sweet kiss on his cheek, your red lipstick leaving behind a perfect stain, the gloss on top making it shiny and even more obvious. Swiping your thumb over his jaw, you go to turn towards the door to unlock it. Kensei cups your face, though, with one of those large palms, pressing a soft kiss to your temple first. And next thing he knows, he's in the car that smells like your perfume and is on his way home.

The first song to play as he leaves the parking lot feels like a bullet to his chest, and he finds himself looking in his rearview a little too often, just to see that gorgeous proof of your kiss on his skin.

You got it, you got it bad.

#kensei muguruma x reader #kensei muguruma x you #kensei x reader #kensei x you #bleach imagine #bleach x reader #x reader #reader insert #fic

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fiyasgideon · 11 months

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It is irresponsible to nearly ruin an artist's reputation instead of privately or legally seeking repayment for an unreceived service. Artists are individual people, with flaws. They are not seeking to screw you over specifically, they are not inherently bad, unprofessional, or rude people for not being fulfilling or communicating on one order. You deserve to share your bad experience and be upset with that absolutely. But the reaction to that has gone so far as if she has robbed you of hundreds of dollars. Its really weird to see the community split like this over two artists we all love.

I completely understand where you are coming from, but I have to politely disagree with some of your points.

You say I am "ruining an artist's reputation instead of privately or legally seeking repayment for an unreceived service" and to that I have to point to my post where I explain my MANY attempts to contact her as privately as possible over the course of almost 8 months. I did everything I could, short of knocking on her door, to get a response from her.

And yes, I did try getting a refund from my bank, but all they said was that I need to get it through Paypal. So I tried getting it through Paypal, but because I used the "Friends and Family" option when sending it (something I had no problem doing for the other three commissions I had gotten from her, as I had trusted her) Paypal's refund options are limited. Not only that, but by the time I had given up on getting a response, the time window to file a dispute had passed. Without her sending me the money back herself, there was no other option (that I am aware of) to get my money back.

You also said "They are not seeking to screw you over specifically, they are not inherently bad, unprofessional, or rude people for not being fulfilling or communicating on one order" and I would have agreed with that, if not for the fact that I had already been made aware of her being in regular contact with someone I knew during the time she was purposefully ignoring my dms.

I know she was going through a tough time for a while, but I feel like I had been more than fair when I gave her the option to simply tell me she didn't feel like drawing and needed some time (of which I would have waited forever if she just kept me up to date every other month or so) or to just give me what she started (since I saw her start the commission the day after I sent the money) and I would have considered the transaction over. I made sure to reiterate these points many time in my many dms. Both options would have required little to no effort on her part. She is the one who continued to make the conscious choice to keep ignoring me.

And though I did call her unprofessional (because that's what her actions are) I never called her bad or rude. I have been very conscious of not trying to bad mouth her throughout this whole process. I have tried my best to only state facts and events as they happened. I am not trying at all to bash her as a person.

And finally, to your last statement of "the reaction to that has gone so far as if she has robbed you of hundreds of dollars" I only say, how dare you? Just because she didn't steal $1000 dollars from me doesn't mean that it wasn't theft. $500, $50, or $20, theft is theft. She may have only taken $50 from me, but how much must she take from the next person for them to be allowed to say something? You tell people to stay silent and let her take even $10 from them and she would end up stealing hundreds from just a few dozen victims. And nobody would know to be cautious of her because everyone she stole from was told not to say anything because "it wasn't like she took hundreds from you."

Now, I'm not saying she will go out and steal from everyone. Perhaps I am the only person she ends up stealing from, in which case I would be happy that nobody else looses their money. But I couldn't take that risk. If she does end up stealing from someone again (intentional or not) then I would feel partially responsible for not saying anything to warn others of the possibility.

I do find it a bit weird that the community is split on this. I would have thought that stealing, even if from a big name in a community, would be something not worth supporting. Despite what some people might think, I have tried doing anything and everything in my power to handle this in a civil and private manner. But there is just a point at which you need to throw in the towel and realize that it's not working and you need to change tactics.

That callout post was that tactic. If she won't send me the commission, give me my money back, or even respond to me, then I am done being nice enough to keep my silence.

#elhnrt #fiyas speaks #i am angry #i have been so patient and nice #but sometimes that doesn't work

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xerxeswitch · 11 months

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My Bane Magic

(This doesn't cover curses, because the post would be way too long) ---

This type of magic has always came to me very easily from my experiences, both consciously intentional and "non-intentional." I once had a unhinged woman berate racist profanities at me over a cup of coffee at my work, (because she doesn't like the extra costs of 1 pump of vanilla, 1 pump of mocha, 1 pump of toffee nut, two extra shots, and extra caramel drizzle) and she screams how I parked my bike was offensive and it "triggered" her. (It was parked on a bike rack as its intended purpose like everyone else) I bitterly thought, "I hope someone finds your car offensive and just hit it." I performed a freezing hex with the intention to just keep her from bothering me in the future, but I still was hyperfixated; stewing on the idea of her car getting hit. Two days later, she got into a bad car accident. She came back with a broken arm but thankfully that's it. (Even then, I never wish death to anyone.) I also suspected my spirit Family may have had their hands on that too, to really make sure it works. I suggest anyone into this to be careful in general. --- As a side note, I personally believe that everyone's energy type is different and some people can perform certain type of spells better than others because of that. For example, some people's energy are naturally talented moreso in healing energy and they do well in reiki healing, but they need to implement far more effort or practice if they want to do bane magic. Think of the series Avatar, a natural born airbender having problems with earth bending. ... Take it with a grain of salt though. ----- So what is bane magic?

It's casting magic with the intention of inflicting or reflecting negative energy with the motive to harm. That can include bad luck, blocking someone's path...or well, leave it up to the imagination. Some witches do it because they want to get back at someone...which is 99% of the time from my observation -- and I'm no exception. My personal rules with bane magic:

Reflect on why it angers me. Is it really warranted or was my ego getting inflamed with something that wasn't intentional?

Was I in the wrong in the situation instead?

90% of the time, I use bane magic to reflect bad intentions sent to me back to sender.

I do my best to never hit first.

I do not believe in the Wiccan rede of the three, but I still believe that energy is transactional and something will come to you at a cost...and it depends on what coverage you get with the intent of the magic and the situation.

Is it worth using my energy on using bane magic? If not, I don't use it. I consider bane magic like spending money instead of saving money. The currency is not just energy...

I want to take responsibility and accountability of what happened if it didn't go according to plan.

I do not cast bane magic on someone who I live with -- I'll be around taking in that second hand smoke.

Use protection for yourself before performing any of this ... Types of bane magic I use: Freeze Hex - Some people don't consider this a hex, but I personally think it does due to the wide range of intentions that can prove to be harmful in a passive way. It's more of a gray arts aspect -- because it can be used to "freeze" someone's intentions or actions towards something. That something can imply stopping them from being harmful to me, or to even stop them from performing tasks rendering them stagnant. On the other end, I had used a freeze hex on someone with the intent to stop them from harming themselves. It really depends. I consider freezing hexes one of the mildest ones to use because of these spectrums. The procedure is putting the appropriate herbs, liquids (hand-squeezed lemons is great to "sour" it up) that brings out the nature of my spells, and something that belongs to my target. If that last one isn't available, I use a picture or their name written on a bay leaf in the jar. Poppet Hex - Poppets are not just used for voodoo, it's a concept of use in many cultures around the world and in history. This also can be a gray arts spectrum -- it entirely depends on what you use the poppet for, obviously. For hexing, I take a poppet that represents them and pin in needles for discomfort or even sickness. (This is consider a big hex if I really, really, really despise someone. I only ever did this once because they severely abused a friend) Or, I use a poppet of someone to surround it with healing, or calming energy instead. Again, it depends. Hex Water - This one is passive too. I basically place in my herbs, some nails, freshly squeezed lemon juice, sigils, insect carcasses, and my death and hex oil. (The death oil isn't used for "death" -- it's to end the cycle of the situation) I can use this as a hex protection spell where if someone wants to harm me, the energy in the jar will bounce back. But most of all, if warranted, I would take their names and place it in the jar of hex water and I shake it vigorously to get it to work. I even carry around a smaller jar of that water and I shake it near that person's presence if they warranted it. (Mostly if I come across really bad customers at my job. But otherwise, I let it go if they're just being a pain) Earwig Hex - This requires using a head of lettuce, writing someone's name on the lettuce, cutting a hole in it and place your message in it with the earwig, dead or alive. (Preferably dead) This is exactly what it sounds like: Go into someone's head, worm around and implant a message in their thoughts. I use this to prevent the person similarly to the freezing hex. This hex is credited to Kate Freuler -- the author of the book "Of Blood and Bones." (Highly recommend; it's my favorite witchcraft book so far and it fits my energy) Psi Vampire Hex - This one comes to me more naturally since I'm a psi vamp. True, I take vital energy from others out of necessity but this is to really pinpoint someone while feeding. It's how it sounds; I basically just zero in on someone's energy and feed. If I really want to, and if they are still around, I keep feeding until the effects take in which includes signs of fatigue, headaches, other body aches, and even sickness. Personally, I don't like to go that far to sickness. Sending a Spirit/Entity - Just how it sounds. You can place an offering to a spirit/entity that can be outside or inside your spirit team. However, they can always refuse the offer -- mind that and respect it. ---- Overall, for me, I always tell people who are interested to use hexes wisely. It's a responsibility. The number one rule for me is making sure if it's worth the risks and the cost. Sure, one can say that there's no real consequences or the three way law, but there's always a cause and effect. So, at your own risk, fuck around and find out. Or, you can take heed of the rules, protection measures, and self reflection.

#witchcraft #bane magic #bane magick #spirit work #witchblr #spells and hexes #hexes #use responsibly #witch #poppets #hex water #psi vampire #vampirism #freeze hex #of blood and bones #kate freuler

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anna-neko · 10 months

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cannot stop thinking about a few things from last few eps.... this been marinating in there all night

Intent is a funny thing, ya know? The collar may say "blast those fools except Scary" but clearly Mr Stampler meant the order as "kill those meddling little boys" *cough* that panicked "don't let me kill you...."*cough* fuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Willy doesn't know Scary had a very traumatic experience earlier and has been disassociating as Terri for a bit. He doesn't know (weeeeeell, perhaps suspects. He never was too too trusting to begin with) that while she was separated from him for a few days, his control on her has weakened a touch. If she was so easily willing to murder the others at Rebecca's house just a few days ago, surely she won't mind it right now. Of course he is nice at first contact, keeping up the friendly charade as long as it suits him

but.... still.... guns. The kid-dads are on Earth with guns. The second Terry jr sees them float in he starts SHOOTING A GUN Not cast something. Not wait for them to land, get close to lead Scary away and oooh noes, the boys have been sniped by a mysterious assassin while offscreen! ...etc etc etc No, he shoots on sight. Willy absolutely set up the pieces in such a way that he gets what he wants & she wouldn't know ~ have no reason to suspect ~ she been played

Couldn't just write plainly "murder anyone w/ her" on those collars, not when there was a chance she may get close enuff to read it. noooope. "blast" or "stop all of them" could mean anything, plausible deniability y0! Scary needs to clearly see the weapons in this scenario, watch her [former?] team-mates be shot by those she knows. Bonus points if by stepdad - person she dislikes the most. But any of the kid-dads landing the final blow leads to exact same results.

She will end up alone.

Alone & isolated from her peers, toxic angst swelling inside by the second, zero doubts of Willy being her one and only true friend

but also - speaking of guns None of us question the sniper is Grant. Oh, we absolutely claw at the walls and wail in despair as it happens, but .... its fitting, isn't it? Poor lil Grant Wilson, the broken kiddo who was very much into shooter games. Of course he'd be the one to pull the trigger ("I'm up bad and broken, and wrong, and villain person. And it's important to me that you... I can't pass that on to you, okay? You can't be anything like me. So you gotta promise, don't ever kill anybody. Ever")

but hang on.... ALL the kid-dads have guns at this time. And why not Lark, who clearly is just as much about the guns. He was only giving one to his nephew literally at start of ep1! oooh right.. Lark comes prepackaged with Sparrow and the lvl of bitter betrayal at having him be the shooter just isn't the same . He already unleashed literal End of the World himself, the element of surprise won't work twice Terry jr could only fall by Grant's bullet.

______________ and while am spreading psychic damage out here - pray Scary herself never figures out she is partially responsible for that "kill" order How you may ask? weeeeeeeell *steeples fingers* think back a few eps and lets add up a few facts, shall we? Willy has been manipulating Scary for a while now, but he never actively tried to kill the others (even after separating them RE: Tony Pepperoni incident) Taylor's beheading was carefully done. Intensely shocking & upsetting, but non-lethal. Ever wonder why?

Sure, a group would have an easier time at getting all the anchors, but she's been more powerful than them for quite a while now; it is no longer as dangerous for her to go out there alone. But he didn't outright murder them..... because home & Earth dimensions hopping!!

the "amigara falls" door needed all 4 teens ~ alive and well as it were ~ to be able to travel between Earth & Forgotten Realms! Recall how furious he was with her when she sent that selfie of having "killed" them (you're fucking stupid for killing them because now we have to find another way into Faerune or Earth, I guess)

But now all anchors are taken care of, she has so conveniently just appeared right next to his other "travel keys" (collared kid-dads).... nobody else is as useful as this pathetic lil goth girl who's been dutifully accumulating power (for him to later suck outta her like a gusher, and throw away the empty shell)

./.....this has been a 6am brainrot......

#dndads s2 #dungeons and daddies #terry jr #willy stampler #scary marlowe #hyperfixation my beloved #no braincells just podcasts #just fandom things #maybe just a bit of a ramble

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nervoustragedyluminary · 2 months

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I'm still not sure that OP wasn't bait intended to "peak" trans women by making up a hyper specific scenario where going "that Afab is a fake tranny and an evil detransitioner because as we know all detransitioners are the same and hate trans women" would somehow be protecting people ..... I mean look at the effects its having:

like IDK maybe this is a common issue with "TME"&dyadic cis Afab people pretending to be "AMAB" trans women in order to purposefully give bad advice and sabotage people's transitions and use the community like a club? If so why is this anon the first I've heared of it and why does the answer seem to be "tell everyone this bitch is a Cis Afab whose lying about being trans to steal tranny valor from real trans people" and not "tell people this dyadic person socially transitioned to man then detransitioned and started calling herself transfem so doesn't have the experience of reversing a T puberty or going on E "?

but I'm just seeing a lot of responses that are basically "this is why trans women can't trust anyone else they're all out to get us and anyone mentioning the existence of intersex people is automatically bad faith and just hates real trans women and gender is actually binary and anyone who isn't binary is trying to steal tranny valour " is just idk a terf couldn't have done better to try to make this into a" evil afabs stealing trans women's spaces" discussion..

Like "words no longer have connection to reality and her thinking she was male in the first place was delusional" seems like terf rhetoric slipping out from behind the mask

"detransitioners are all the same and all do this"

"this happens all the time"

"this is why trans unity can never work its a trojan horse for watering down trans womanhood"

Like idk I'm sure the OP is super happy at contributing to making a bunch of trans women feel unsafe and like they have to be constantly looking over their shoulders and doubting other trans people.

You can see it in the disingenuous( IMO) "I'm sorry my post stirred up the transmisogyny of those theyfabs who only ever bring up icky intersex people to attack the real trans people it wasn't my intention uwu shame on those delusional theyfabs if a cis man was doing that to them (which was a bait ask anon that I saw someone beign sent previously) they'd totally understand but they can never understand how unsafe trans women can be made by cis interlopers because they don't face danger from cis people unlike you.... I'm one of the good ones"

Like if you thought it might stir up transmisogyny why would you post it in the first place ? Why not instead ask "how do I warn people that my friend is giving misinformation without being an asshole " or "how do I talk to her about why what she's doing isn't okay without accusing her of being a transtrender" or "how do I remove this bad faith transphobe/ chaser who thinks she's playing 4d chess from my life?"

Instead it just comes off as "trender Discourse 2.0 the AFABs are coming for your trans womanhood and anyone who talks about intersex people is bad faith and to be shunned because they're just looking for excuses not trying to in good faith show possible scenarios where the OP might be being misleading as this ask echoes a lot of terf transmeds and separatist rhetoric "

#Transmisogyny

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netherfeildren · 3 months

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hi sweet vic!

i’ve spent the last few months reading and then re-reading all your fics and the word that stands out in my mind is intoxicating; there’s something about them that incites an almost visceral reaction. the themes you include, the way you describe things such as motherhood, both the deep-seated desire to have a child and the rocky and fractured relationships between some of your reader characters and their mothers, their fathers, too, and the overwhelming want to be looked after by someone stronger when life becomes too much is something that i think is deeply relatable to a lot of women. this, i feel, is one of the many reasons i find myself gravitating towards your work, other women too, i’m sure, for it creates a sort of safe space where we can freely admit: yes, life can be hard and terrible and all too much and sometimes it makes you feel very small. and sometimes all you want is to be allowed to be small, and have someone bigger and wiser who’s there to look after you.

whenever i read fics or write them myself i always procrastinate the endings because i find they bring with them an emptiness that i rush to fill up with something else, do you feel this too? a handful of your works come to mind, such as pink or i urge you: bite me, wherein we never find out exactly what becomes of them or what their futures look like. do you spend a lot of time after you finish writing hung up, imagining what would come after, or are you more content to leave them in your head as they are, suspended in that moment in time?

what can I even say to this that would be sufficient to return such kindness? I literally have no idea which is why I've just sat and stared all all you've written to me over the past several days.

it brings into incredible clarity that our words mean so much, the things we say, the intention or lack thereof behind them have consequences, good or bad. I haven't been able to write for days. I look at the honey, stomach, mine doc and I feel.. not great about it. embarrassed, in a way. so I've read your message like a hundred times by now to counteract that. thank you, like for real and from the bottom of my heart. you're so so kind and your words have meaning and I'm going to think about what you've said and how you've said you feel about the things I write for a long time, and you've sent them to me in a moment when I really, really needed them.

parenthood is something I touch on more than anything, you're right. Joel is a parent in my eyes before he's anything else, that vein of him is the thing I find most intriguing. and to be honest, someone's wife is my most shocking piece to me personally because if a person could be all the things they should and can, that's how my own mom is. Eva's character is something I derived, I think, in total opposition to what I see Joel and my mom like. however, my own personal relationship and history with motherhood and pregnancy, is very different, complicated. the things I write about and the obsessiveness I write about them with have personal origin, no matter how unseriously they're framed lol. and I think, or I hope, that despite the fact that I'm writing from a woman's perspective that it's all universal or human enough that anyone can relate to it.

as for the endings, I wouldn't necessarily say I struggle with getting to them, per se. I usually know how they'll end when I start writing which is probably due to the fact that I think for much longer than I actually write. I plot and take notes for months usually, and when I'm finally ready to sit down and write my mind is made up, and usually once I've made up my mind it doesn't really stray (I'm an aquarius - oops). pink, for instance, was built with that specific ending as my goal. that was the challenge I set for myself and everything that happened in the running there was with that specific ending in mind. so to answer your question, no I don't think about the aftermath at all in terms of what could have been or what could not - I leave that all to you and your fun. I think my issue lies more with my ability to pick up the pen again after I've finished a big thing. pink was the worst, I felt very depleted and like I had nothing left to say after it and despite having a long list of ideas, I felt like there were no words for them. I usually have to wait a while for the well to refill before I can pick something new up and start writing again.

#vic replies

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ruthlesslistener · 9 months

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We sure do live in a society, don't we.

The anons sending you hate are doing my head in. Like, I can completely understand why they bristled at your initial response, because as someone who writes Ghost as an adult in a child's body (hi, Gently, my beloved fic that is drowning from my dead muse), I had a kind of similar "hey wait" response at first.

But then you CLARIFIED. You took the time to ask, listen and let others educate you on another POV. It may not have changed your own personal HCs (and that's OK!!!), but you clarified your meaning was not people like me - it was not the average person who spurred it - and that's all anyone can really ask for. You don't have to agree with or ask people.

The best part of fandom is taking bits and pieces of each other's ideas and using them to decorate our sand castles and make them our own. That means "I wouldn't spin it that way but I liked reading how you did it." It also sometimes means "Oh I cannot get behind that but I respect your right to."

I think it says a lot that people are on anon, rather than actually talking to you and giving you a chance to engage with them one-on-one. I'm not sure I would label them trolls. I think their feelings got hurt and they are lashing out because of it, in an impolite way, rather than stopping to listen to explanations. I am going to give the benefit of doubt and assume that ill-intent wasn't meant, and that the reason they're on anon is that anxiety has them going "if I say it on my main, I'm going to get flamed because I offended popular tumblr user." To that I say: If you weren't on anon, Aren could've replied privately to you, and likely would have. A one-on-one conversation can go a large way for trying to clear up misunderstandings.

TBH, I probably could've just sent all of this on Discord but I just am frustrated. Asks like the ones you received are why I am terrified of sharing my own headcanons, why I assume anyone asking me ANY opinions has bad faith, and why everything I say has a giant ass disclaimer on it with "THIS IS LIKE, JUST MY OPINION GUYS" and we shouldn't have to do that. We shouldn't have to sit and police everything that we say because Someone Might Twist It.

Anyway, sorry. I just needed to put this out here because I was about to blow up on my own blog. lmao

Thank you tumblr user grollow I appreciate it immensely and I agree with everything you said about fandom being a sandbox made more fun by people having different ideas that make things fun to play with. It's just that I've been off in my corner playing relatively on my own for a bit, which kinda fucks over the amount of context you get on things a bit. And also the miscommunication had the misfortune of landing squarely in the intersection between 'things I really don't like' and 'things that have a canon basis but lack canonical descriptive details', turning it into a shitshow. Which I really really fucking wish didn't happen, even if I did enjoy discussing the pros and cons of different mental interpretations of Ghost and was able to come to the conclusion that it's about as appealing to me as a slice of apple pie. Which is to say, I like certain bits of it and will gladly nibble at said bits, but if there's any other option out there I'd take it over pie anyday. It's not bad and I certainly do enjoy it in extremely specific context, but it also doesn't appeal to me in the slightest and there's certain parts that I refuse to touch altogether (the texture of cooked fruit makes me cringe and nauseates me, much like the idea of Ghost being an adult trapped in a child's body from a horror perspective incites panic). But that's fine, bc then I can just plop the filling onto a friend's plate for their enjoyment, and nibble away at the bits I like in piece. My dislike of pie doesn't extend to the people who enjoy it, nor do I get upset when my brother refuses to eat what I cook for him. He's picky, I'm picky, I've got no right to judge. He's just as valid for saying my cream cheese frosting is gross as I am for thinking him refusing to eat anything but mac n cheese and scrambled eggs is gross. Same concept with fandom here

(And honestly, my judgement on the whole minor/adult thing is seperate from Ghost as a character altogether. I'm of similar mind with Miquella of Elden Ring, who is canonically an adult trapped in a child's body. Having a relationship with him in his child form would be fucked up- hell, even Mohg goes for breaking the curse first, and Mohg is canonically fucking insane! This isn't something limited to just one fandom, it's a hard line I draw in fiction in general)

Also yeah, I totally would have just worked it out in private, but I get the feeling the anon thinks I'm running some sort of clique or something over here where I would have twisted it into clout somehow. Which needless to say, I would not fucking do. Can't say this enough, but I'm autistic as all getout and had to deal with that enough in high school so I have nothing but contempt for that sort of behavior.

#ashe im not tagging ur blog i dont want it coming up in the ship tag #but tysm i hope i was coherent #reply #(also to clarify: mohg is still terrible but i think the goal was to age miquella up first so that the formless mother hsd a host)#(so still for very nefarious purposes)

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tatatale · 10 months

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I'll be honest, I usually don't like sending asks because I'm so horrible with text communications (Seriously, there was one time I offended a person here on Tumblr when I just sent a comment saying "Are you going to continue this", I got a monologue about how demotivating this was when I just wanted to know if there was going to be more, I was in the middle of class when this happened and I ended up feeling like shit!), but I love your Au, and I really do, it was one of the first aus i read when i downloaded tumblr but i can only think of one thing when i see your au.

What if the avatars Erin and Ethan (I just now noticed that they are double "e") were able to act on their own, have their own persanities and thoughts?

Just imagine, both having very different personalities than their players.

Lytta is shy and calm, prefers to keep their distance from fights and confusion, but is friendly and hardly gets stressed, Thanatos is playful, doesn't quiet down for anything, looks like he learned to run before walk, extremely sociable and hardly keeps his mouth closed.

And speaking of Ethan, where was he during the entire battle?

Nah, don't be scared to send asks! I'm also bad at texting, but it's something you only learn if you do it! I'm pretty sure the person who told you that it was demotivating said it because you weren't the first person to ask something like that to them.

Usually, when you spend all your free time doing something you love and sharing it for free, the last thing you want is for people to treat you as if it were your obligation and you owe them something. When you take a little break, there are times when you get messages from people demanding that you MUST keep giving them that free content asap, some even insulting or threatening you.

I'm sorry you felt so bad that time, and I'm sorry that person thought you were one of those demanding people, but I'm pretty sure they didn't mean to, and it was all an unfortunate misunderstanding. You can always send them another ask explaining that it wasn't your intention!

(I wrote a lot, lmao)

Anyway! It would be very crazy if the avatars were alive and were so different from the players, changing their personality drastically the moment Erin and Ethan go offline LMAO! Someone once asked if the avatars were alive too, and no, they're just the image of the two of them in the Multiverse. But it's a funny idea!

Ethan was on the sidelines but ready in case his sibling needed his help!

Also thank you aaaa!! I'm glad you like my AU that much T◡T)♥

#Ask #Anonymous #Kao

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shytastemakerthing · 3 days

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Hello, and good day! I noticed your matchups are open, so I hope you don't mind me requesting a platonic TWST matchup?

🐟 I'm an introvert, genderfluid, aroace, 5'1 (barely...), and wear glasses

🐟 INTP, 5w4, and a Sagittarius

🐟 Physically? A disaster. While I do have couple chronic conditions, there's nothing that impacts my daily life *too* bad. I just have to wear knee braces everywhere to make sure my knee doesn't go pop 🙃

🐟 I do rollerskate occasionally though. And I enjoy some sports so I'm not the most inactive... (copium)

🐟 Intellectually, I'd say I'm doing alright. Not the highest scorer, but I'm in the upper 30% usually. My favorite subject is science, specifically chem. Bio's cool too though... anything but Physics...

🐟 Hobbies include video games, listening to Jpop, reading, writing, studying the next random topic I find interesting, setting things on fire (in perfectly safe and controlled environments!), and cooking!

🐟 In fact, I enjoy science and cooking so much that I plan on majoring in Food Science ✨️

🐟 I suppose I don't put in too much effort into things unless I'm really interested in them. Though I do make sure everything is up to standard, I usually go above and beyond when a cool idea strikes me. I have gotten ideas that were a bit too grand (ahem, making an entire visual novel), leading to me having to submit a couple days late, but at least it's quality work!

🐟 I've been called the "parental figure" of the group pretty often. From scolding my friends when they do something stupid to pretty decent advice to basic first aid knowledge to a bag that I carry around with me that has pretty much everything I need

🐟 I suppose my biggest flaw is that I'm the type to read a message with the intention to reply later and then forget about it for the next week (... or month... or year...). When I'm at home, I'm not usually in the mood to talk to people

That's all! I hope this isn't too much. You're free to skip this if it is. I hope you have a wonderful day, Author. Stay hydrated :D

Hello! Thank you for requesting! I completely and utterly feel you when you say no Physics. I am taking a physics class right now and I have dreaded every single week of it, just 2 more weeks and it's over. (As much as I did not want to do this course, it was required for my major)

On another note, I hope that you enjoy your matchup!

Tw: none

Prompt: Platonic Twisted Wonderland matchup

I match you with.......

Floyd Leech

Look, you have scolded this boy on more than one occasion for doing something rather stupid but it often just goes in one ear and out the other when it comes to him.

Personally, he really does like that you care so much about his well being

If he has to get into some trouble to get you activate that parent mode while patching him up and scolding him at the same time, he will do it without question

He is another to read a message and forget to reply, or he thought of a reply, thought he sent it, but really never did. But if he sends you a message and there is no reply for a certain amount of time, he will certainly begin to look for you

Another who doesn't put in a whole lot of effort if he finds something to be boring

He wants something that will interest him

And knowing that you are the same way as him?

Congrats, he is now your friend, nothing can be said about it

But you didn't really mind it. Floyd is a rather interesting individual

Meaning that the both of you have a whole lot of fun

The moment that this man knows that you enjoy setting things on fire, it is all over then and there

Any time that you are planning something with fire, you have to bring him along with you

This also means that you have stopped him on more than one occasion trying to run with the fire, trying to poke the fire, or trying to put something into the fire to see what would happen

As his friend, he makes sure that you are also taking care of yourself. Forgot your knee brace for the day? He bought a spare just for you. Gym that day being a little too much, without a single word, he just slings you over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes and walks away

Your health was more important than trying to run 10 miles

Being best friends with Floyd, by extension, you will get Jade as well. They're a package deal

In reality, Jade just wants to meet the person who Floyd claims to be his best friend

Look, that's not a title to gain easily, and the fact that you have it and have maintained said title, Jade was interested

But meeting you, he sees what his brother does, so please, if anyone ever gives you trouble, do let him know

Overall, a friendship with Floyd could entail a number of things. Both known and unknown. But be certain that he will take care of you and he will take care of anyone who he sees to be a bother to you. It's what friends are for, after all.......

Thank you for your request!

#twisted wonderland #twst #matchups #twst Floyd leech #Floyd Leech #platonic #shy answers #shy writes

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circulars-reasoning · 7 months

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Kindness and Anger

Look.

There is a major issue right now, in syscourse, about being too kind.

It's funny for me to say that -- after all, I'm the "respectability politics" syscourser, am I not? (And no, I have literally never forgotten that label being shoved on me). And the thing is, I really try not to be an asshole in syscourse, or overly pedantic, or just flat out mean -- because I'm a nice person, for fucks sake.

But that still doesn't negate that anger -- and yes, the occasional unkindness -- is needed. This constant shoving down of anger, this constant ridicule of passion and heat, is leading to a lot of incredibly traumatized people being incredibly hurt. Case in point: Me.

What follows is sort of half trauma dump, half vent, and all parts frustration that I'm trying to let out healthily. If you'd like the short version:

TL;DR: While syscourse can be harmful, it can also lead to a lot of joy. It can lead to new understandings. People telling me to back off, to not take it so seriously, are undermining a lot of that and echoing a lot of my past trauma. We should all be more willing to understand the impact these discussions have in real life.

I shoved down a lot of feelings these past few months. Shocker of all shockers, seeing lies being spread about myself and the people I love and the places I've worked to curate sort of pisses me off! But the message from everyone around me was "ignore the trolls, don't pay attention, don't engage--" And it promptly became translated into, "You aren't allowed to openly feel bad, and anyone being upset is a bad thing that needs to be fixed." I don't think this was intentional for many people. They were worried about me hurting.

But the issue was, these people -- traumatized people who have repeatedly been taught that their emotions are harmful -- were telling me that my emotions were harmful. Unsurprisingly, I suddenly was shoved back into this role of looking at and moderating every emotion.

I unmuted every vent room in every server I moderated for (and those I don't). I obsessively stalked many blocks I had blocked, simply to ensure I could brace myself for whatever thing might potentially upset someone else (not even myself -- I didn't care about those emotions). I even forced many of my friends -- the people who were watching me get hit and harassed and battered down every single goddamn day, who were worried about me, who wanted desperately to speak out against the heinous goddamn shit I was experiencing, who they themselves were experiencing -- to stay silent and bottle up their own emotions too.

You know what that all reminds me of?

Being available for those venting reminds me of that time I made sure notifications were on the night a friend sent me a suicide note -- one they later admitted was completely false, that they just were bored and wanted someone to talk to, and that would get me the most engaged. I was stressed by finals but instead of studying or taking care of myself, I stayed on the phone, texting with them for 3 straight hours, bawling my eyes out in fear. I was 18, and I never really grew out of this. I still sacrifice time and energy for people that not only don't deserve it, but who manipulate me into being there for them, no matter what. I don't know if I'll ever heal from that mentality.

Stalking the blogs I had blocked to make sure I knew everything, all of the time, no matter what? What a shocker for someone who memorized the squeaky spots on the floor, made sure to eavesdrop while walking silently through the house, learned to hide in the bathroom where they thought I couldn't hear them, made sure to open the window just a crack so I could hear them outside. To this day, I try to know everything, try to have google on hand, just in case someone asks me for more of my "somehow encyclopedic knowledge" on everything. People rely on me for that. I'm connected to everything, so nobody else has to be.

Making everyone else step back? How inventive, a traumatized person isolating themselves. I forced every single person around me (just like I always do) to pretend it was all fine, because if it wasn't all fine, then things would be bad, and if things were bad, I would melt down, and it would clearly be my fault, because wasn't it always, somehow, in the past?

(I'm still the most sorry about this one. I'm still trying to swallow that guilt and shame I have for letting it get that far, for hurting the people I love so much, just because I convinced myself I was just being stupid for being hurt, like I was always taught in my abuse. I'm so sorry to those of you who I forced to stay silent, just to keep the peace. You deserved so much better.)

Suffice to say -- it took removing myself from a lot of spaces for a cold shock to my system, splitting and not being able to be myself for a straight month, for me to even recognize this is what happened. It was so normalized for me, all my life. I had to emotionally regulate my parents, so it made sense that I had to emotionally regulate everyone else -- particularly when I was one of the people who was hurting.

All because "We can't let ourselves appear too angry -- that's not healthy for us."

As if how I became was healthy. As if the ball of anxiety and health problems I became, as if the nightmares and triggers I was experiencing were healthy. As if losing months at a time was fucking healthy for me. It took me until recently (and until today, writing this post, editing it, and reviewing it while panicking that I'm going to ruin everything if I ever post this) to even realize just how badly this hurt me.

I'm still flinching when I express a negative emotion to my partner. I had gotten over this. I had gotten better. Stabilized. But these past few months, forcing myself to be silent about my pain, forcing myself to not talk about anything negative... I slipped back. I let myself buy into the idea that my anger was ridiculous. That being so passionate was harmful. And look, Lord knows I've been vocal about how syscourse has hurt me. There were so, so many times where my anger took over, where I let myself become a person I look back on and cringe at, because that's just not who I want to be. But there's something called a window of tolerance -- or, as my queer ass therapist calls it, the rainbow of tolerance -- where you find a middle ground. You don't go to either extreme.

And I see a lot of major syscoursers lately (whether they consider themselves major or not) going to one extreme or the other, in their own ways.

In one camp, we have the polite overlords of kindness, hiding every shitty awful thing they say in a veneer of positivity and rainbows. Remarkably, no matter how nice something sounds, or how passionate someone is while being polite, it doesn't make it true, or somehow less harmful.

In another camp, we have the most obsessed goddamn people alive, raging about every little thing and making a post every 5 seconds about every little thing. The rage could be quiet or loud, but it's always just constant stirring of drama. (Looking at you, anti-endos posting incessantly recently about how much they hate endos...)

In yet another camp, and possibly the thing I want to address the most with this post, is those who are brushing syscourse off entirely. It's gaining more and more popularity nowadays. "How are you all caring so much about online discourse" types. "This isn't changing anything" types. The ones who insist that REAL activism happens in real life, and that this is so niche and small that it doesn't have any real impact to "just go and scream on tumblr about your feelings."

This is the one that's hurting me the most, right now, as I look back at a few years of being in syscourse. Because I managed to buy into it wholeheartedly these past few months. I managed to convince myself that this thing -- this place I love, the people I love -- were all wrong, and not only that, but were somehow self harming via this. That I was hurting myself by caring so deeply about misinformation, that I was actively self harming and encouraging others to do so, simply by engaging.

First and foremost: yes. Syscourse can absolutely be harmful. I am not trying to suggest it isn't. I have literally never suggested it isn't, and have vocally said it is harmful, multiple times, across several blogs.

Secondly, and far, far more importantly for this discussion: Syscourse can be beautiful.

I'm reminded of how I met a very, very dear friend -- @justanothersyscourse was the actual blog I'd talked to at the time -- and what I learned in that moment. I was sitting in a Covid testing line, terrified out of my wits, as a part who could barely comprehend anything he was reading online about disorders and dysfunction. He was trying desperately to understand, mostly because he had always been strong before, and now he felt so weak, being the way we were.

And he reached out to this major syscourser -- someone who seemed so angry about "something that's only online," about such a "niche topic that doesn't relate to the real world" -- and asked him, plainly, what was wrong with him. What was making him the way he was? Was everyone right about dysfunction and distress? Did he have to hate who he was just to be real?

And the overwhelming answer was, "No, and you are loved, because you exist, and you deserve it for that reason alone."

SAS didn't say as much in so many words -- actually there were a lot more words and sources thrown about, as well as olive branches all around. It burned me inside to reach out to him (he was anti-endo, after all, and I was not), but he still reached out to me with respect and kindness -- even if he sometimes acts immature, or rudely, or with language that would make a sailor blush.

I came out that day somehow feeling better than I had in years (despite, yes, having Covid). Because finally, a part of me understood... I wasn't broken. I didn't need to hate who I was, this fragmented self I was, because that's not what the criteria meant.

I want to ask each and every person who looks at syscourse with a disdain and dismissal, or who feels the need to post some swarmy holier-than-thou post about how above it they all are, or to remark on how everyone is too passionate and needs to take a step back, regardless of where they're actually at...

How in the 9 hells can I agree with you when I've had these experiences?

Again. I've been hurt by syscourse -- I feel the need to keep mentioning that, just because I know some of you fuckers are going to take this all to mean that I love syscourse too much, and that I'm too supportive of it, or god forbid that I'm fucking self harming by finally opening up about all of this. But the fact is, syscourse has helped me understand so much more about who I am, about the disorder I live with, and has led me to other avenues of research I never would've looked at otherwise. I've started studying Jung -- someone I had ZERO interest in before recently, I had to research far too much about him for my English degree as it is -- all because of the "Studies Proving Endogenic Systems" list I've been working through. I've started buying up self-help textbooks, because syscourse caused me to understand that my experience with therapists was NOT the norm, and most people DO need to work on self-help, and i wanted to understand their perspectives.

How is this not impacting people's lives?!

Of course I'm going to take this seriously. I take it as seriously as I take my teaching. I might not be changing the world, or changing laws. I might be working within a flawed system. But at the very least, if I can make one kid's life better -- give them someone like them to look up to, to relate to, who can give them the ability to make their own choices and learn more while advocating for myself -- then it's worth it.

And that's what I aim for in syscourse. If I can make one person -- singlet, system, plural, collective, whatever have you -- understand themselves or others a little bit better... Is that not, in it's own way, activism? Is that not, in it's own way, changing the world?

And if the answer is "no" then... what the fuck is the point of communication, or socializing, or trying to debate anything, anywhere?

Ugh. Lord, I've rambled so long, I can barely think about everything I've written. Bullet points time.

Syscourse can be harmful, and I won't say it isn't. As someone who has been obsessed with it in the past, who has used it to harm myself, and sometimes still does -- that harm doesn't go away on its own.

Syscourse is also beautiful. We CAN have good conversations, make close friends, and learn more about ourselves through these discussions.

If we don't try to combat that misinformation that's in this space, if we don't try our best to heal this space, then how is it ever going to recover?

I am a person that exists in real life. Syscourse isn't just a chronically online thing -- IT DOES have an impact in the real world! Stop devaluing passion and heat and anger just because you feel like you're so much more above it because you are clearly the person who knows better than everyone else, simply because you "Cracked the code" and somehow figured out how to syscourse unharmfully (newsflash, asshole, so did a lot of people -- it's just not in the way you agree with).

Let yourself be mad. Let yourself be impolite. Don't let it completely overtake every moment of your day, every second of your life, but fucking let yourself be mad. It's okay to be upset!

I don't know how so many of us managed to forget that along the way.

#syscourse #long post #I have a LOT of thoughts on this matter #And a lot that's been bottled up for months #I'm doing my best to not molitov cocktail it at you all #But I'm also trying not to explode myself #I'm so fucking terrified to post this #Because of how far back all of this has set me #But I know ripping off the bandaid might be the best way to start healing #So here we go

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mariana-oconnor · 1 year

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The Cardboard Box pt 2

Last time we had two severed ears from two different people, an old lady who probably wasn't a criminal mastermind, and a poorly addressed parcel. Lestrade still looked like a ferret and it was a blazing hot August.

“I am convinced, sir,” she said, “that this matter is a mistake, and that the parcel was never meant for me at all. I have said this several times to the gentlemen from Scotland Yard, but he simply laughs at me."

Okay Lestrade, I like you, but laughing at old ladies who have received human body parts in the post isn't cool. Especially not for having a perfectly reasonable opinion about the situation. I, too, if presented with a parcel of freshly severed ears would be rather insistent that they were sent to the wrong person. After I'd finished shouting profanity, washing my hands, and contacting every person I knew to make sure they still had both ears firmly attached to their heads.

I'd probably also be washing the floor, because there's no way I wouldn't have immediately dropped them on the floor.

Miss Cushing is very composed. But I suppose she is channelling her feelings into her anitmacassar in a productive manner. Good for her. Either that or she is involved. Honestly, her saying she's not involved does make me more suspicious of her, but as we have previously discussed, I am a naturally suspicious person.

Still, fingers crossed for pirates.

“I think that it is more than probable—” He paused, and I was surprised, on glancing round to see that he was staring with singular intentness at the lady's profile. Surprise and satisfaction were both for an instant to be read upon his eager face, though when she glanced round to find out the cause of his silence he had become as demure as ever.

Oh, did he catch a microexpression? Is she involved? But I just don't see why she'd call the police and say she didn't know what was going on if she was, unless she's a lot more cunning or arrogant than most of the villains we have seen.

“Those are my sisters, Sarah and Mary.”

Ah, another Miss S. Cushing has entered the tale.

“And here at my elbow is another portrait, taken at Liverpool, of your younger sister, in the company of a man who appears to be a steward by his uniform."

Liverpool, renowned port city. Knots, tarred string, sunburnt ears and earrings. My sailor theory gains steam.

“No, the May Day, when last I heard. Jim came down here to see me once. That was before he broke the pledge; but afterwards he would always take drink when he was ashore, and a little drink would send him stark, staring mad. Ah! it was a bad day that ever he took a glass in his hand again. First he dropped me, then he quarrelled with Sarah, and now that Mary has stopped writing we don't know how things are going with them.”

I was going to ask what pledge, but this appears to be a temperance thing. And to get the family dynamics worked out in my head: Mary is the youngest, married to Jim Browner. and both members of the couple stopped talking to both Susan and Sarah, and now no one knows where they are.

Which gives us a sailor and his wife, both missing, and two ears that seem to have come from a man and woman (according to Holmes, I'm still not convinced he can tell, but for the conceit of the tale, let's say he's right) the 'male' ear being sunburnt and with a hole for an earring.

I'm sure there's absolutely no connection between these things.

Also, your sister's husband has a drinking problem that makes him 'stark, staring mad' and then he and your sister drop off the planet? That seems like a thing to be distinctly more concerned about. Miss Susan Cushing is losing sibling points rapidly.

She told us many details about her brother-in-law the steward, and then wandering off on the subject of her former lodgers, the medical students, she gave us a long account of their delinquencies, with their names and those of their hospitals.

Wow, she really doesn't want those medical students getting any patients, does she? I dread to think what Victorian medical students were like. But they probably weren't as bad as Victor Frankenstein. Although that would be a hilarious crossover. These ears were actually intended for him to work on his 'project' but he forgot to change the forwarding address. Only seventy years or so too late, but still.

“Ah! you don't know Sarah's temper or you would wonder no more. I tried it when I came to Croydon, and we kept on until about two months ago, when we had to part."

So you're saying the other Miss S Cushing also lived at this address until two months ago. So it's not even a case of mistaken identity, it's just that she forgot to send out change of address cards. Also, she has a temper. So my theory about pirates might be right? Although probably no illegitimate children. But it seems like Sarah might know what the ears mean. Whether she wants the couple dead or she's being threatened is a different question.

“Yes, and they were the best of friends at one time. Why, she went up there to live in order to be near them. And now she has no word hard enough for Jim Browner."

Oooh, family drama! Spill the tea, please. What did Jim Browner do? Did she find out he was having an affair? Is the second ear that of his lover?

"Good-bye, and I am very sorry that you should have been troubled over a case with which, as you say, you have nothing whatever to do.”

Apart from the fact that one of the ears might belong to your little sister, but whatever, I guess.

"We must strike while the iron is hot."

Either the victims aren't dead or he's worried the murderer is going to get back on a ship and vanish into the briny mists. Given how often that has happened, he probably should be worried. Although it seems like if they do get on a ship to run away, karma will catch them pretty fast in the form of a terrible shipwreck.

I wonder what's in the telegram he's writing. To the docks? To Liverpool to ask about the May Day? To Lestrade?

I didn't mention before how weird the name May Day for a ship is. That's got to be confusing, hasn't it? How do you know if they're sending out a distress call or just saying their name? Terrible name for a ship. Who in earth calls their ship May Day?

A grave young gentleman in black, with a very shiny hat, appeared on the step.

Watson does like to comment on how shiny men's hats are. Can you see your face in it? Is he wearing a crown?But why is this man wearing a hat indoors in the first place? I thought that was impolite? Was he just on his way out? On his way in?

“Miss Sarah Cushing is extremely ill,” said he. “She has been suffering since yesterday from brain symptoms of great severity. As her medical adviser, I cannot possibly take the responsibility of allowing anyone to see her. I should recommend you to call again in ten days.” He drew on his gloves, closed the door, and marched off down the street.

On his way out, it seems. And another brain fever. But this one appears to be less severe, only eleven days in severity. Percy Phelps beats her hands down.

Were these brain symptoms possibly from learning of the dreadful fate of her sister and her brother-in-law? Is she being blackmailed? Did she try to blackmail someone else. Her sister Susan did say she liked to meddle. Or are these symptoms from a more malicious cause?

“I did not wish her to tell me anything. I only wanted to look at her."

Little bit of a creepy thing to say, but I'll allow it. I assume that he wanted to see if she was in distress at all, and she clearly is.

We had a pleasant little meal together, during which Holmes would talk about nothing but violins, narrating with great exultation how he had purchased his own Stradivarius, which was worth at least five hundred guineas, at a Jew broker's in Tottenham Court Road for fifty-five shillings.

OK, Maths time.

So 20 shillings in a pound, a guinea was 1 pound and 1 shilling. so 500 guineas was £500 plus 500 shillings, 500 shillings is £25, so 500 guineas is £525. The equivalent of almost £54,500. Fifty five shillings is £2.75 old money or roughly £284. So yes that is a bargain. Or another way of looking at it, Sherlock cheated that broker out of a hell of a lot of money.

It's weird how people have Sherlock as this single minded crime-solving machine, when in reality we've seen him on numerous occasions when there's nothing actively to be done on a case, enjoying his leisure time. He and Watson went to that concert in The Red-Headed League, he went to have tea in a nice little pub in The Naval Treaty. He actually seems to have quite a reasonable work life balance.

Here, he and Watson are having so much fun that they don't even get back to the case until sunset.

“That is the name,” he said. “You cannot effect an arrest until to-morrow night at the earliest. I should prefer that you do not mention my name at all in connection with the case, as I choose to be only associated with those crimes which present some difficulty in their solution."

Ow. That was a burn. Also, if that's the case, why is Watson publishing it? Seems a little rude.

"That he may be safely trusted to do, for although he is absolutely devoid of reason, he is as tenacious as a bulldog when he once understands what he has to do..."

At least he's not a ferret this time? Lestrade must love Watson's stories being published. I bet he finds little passages cut out and stuck on his door in Scotland Yard.

“It is fairly complete in essentials. We know who the author of the revolting business is, although one of the victims still escapes us. Of course, you have formed your own conclusions.” “I presume that this Jim Browner, the steward of a Liverpool boat, is the man whom you suspect?” “Oh! it is more than a suspicion.”

I was assuming he was one of the victims. But I suppose I should have put more credence in him being a terrible drunk. Did his wife have an affair? Is there an illegitimate child involved? Or did he just think his wife was having an affair.

Which means that there's another sailor caught up in all of this. So far no pirates, but I can still hope, right?

"We approached the case, you remember, with an absolutely blank mind, which is always an advantage. We had formed no theories."

I feel called out. 😅 ACD and Sherlock Holmes are reaching through time and reality to give me shade on jumping to conclusions based on vibes.

“The string was of the quality which is used by sail-makers aboard ship, and at once a whiff of the sea was perceptible in our investigation. When I observed that the knot was one which is popular with sailors, that the parcel had been posted at a port, and that the male ear was pierced for an earring which is so much more common among sailors than landsmen, I was quite certain that all the actors in the tragedy were to be found among our seafaring classes."

But this time I have actually put together the evidence. Though I feel like most knots are popular with sailors. Aren't they all good for different things? My grandma used to have a thing on her wall with all the different kinds of knots that were used on sailing ships.

“As a medical man, you are aware, Watson, that there is no part of the body which varies so much as the human ear. Each ear is as a rule quite distinctive and differs from all other ones."

Oh, he was looking at her ear. And it looked like the severed one.

I assume that ear similarities are hereditary, much like facial features are, that does make sense. They won't be identical, because we know earprints are unique, but I can accept they would be similar. Of course Holmes has written monographs on ears.

Very disappointed the tobacco doesn't seem to have come into things, though.

"And why should these proofs of the deed be sent to Miss Sarah Cushing? Probably because during her residence in Liverpool she had some hand in bringing about the events which led to the tragedy."

This is a really fucking dumb move on his part, though. Why send someone the evidence of your crime? Just weight the bodies down and throw them into the sea. By the time they come up again, no one will be able to recognise them and DNA isn't exactly known at this time.

Just... bad idea. Be better at committing crimes. This is just embarrassing.

"An unsuccessful lover might have killed Mr. and Mrs. Browner, and the male ear might have belonged to the husband. There were many grave objections to this theory, but it was conceivable. I therefore sent off a telegram to my friend Algar, of the Liverpool force..."

Alright, I don't feel foolish for thinking that the ear belonged to him, because strangely enough, I wasn't able to telegraph my friend in Liverpool to find out.

"If she had been willing to help justice she would probably have communicated with the police already."

What the fuck happened in Liverpool that she didn't want to see her sister's murderer arrested? What did she do? Poor Mary Browner had terrible sisters. They should be ashamed of themselves.

"When he arrives he will be met by the obtuse but resolute Lestrade, and I have no doubt that we shall have all our details filled in.”

This is a really sad story. Poor Mary Browner stuck in what seems to have been a very abusive relationship with an alcoholic. Her sisters just let her disappear, and she ended up dead with no one reporting her missing and the only person who knew not willing to tell anyone. Or, I suppose, we could charitably say that maybe the brain fever took hold of Sarah before she was able to communicate with anyone about it.

Just... kind of tragic all around.

#The Cardboard Box #Letters from Watson #Sherlock Holmes #long post #Well this took a sharp turn into the tragic #Poor woman #And poor random guy who may or may not have been having an affair with her #Imagine if he just happened to have been in the wrong place at the wrong time #We're too late for the golden age of piracy so there never was any hope really #but it would have been fun #Maybe Mary and her lover faked their deaths and cut off their own ears #then ran off into the night to pursue their dreams #We can hope

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finalmoment · 10 months

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i'm the anon who sent the befriending ask.... i am very very curious about more of your thoughts on the complexities of csa. i was thinking about this the other day because i was reading far from the tree and

[The perpetrators in the Horace Mann scandal] were wounded, confused people trying to figure out how to function in a world that taught them their homosexual desire was sick […] someone whose core being is deemed a sickness may struggle to parse the distinction between that and a greater crime

i'm not sure i agree with the line of reasoning in this paragraph (i think often perpetrators are not "confused" so much as "desperate") but i do think incidences of csa, especially as relating to homosexuality, do often occur due to the way society has treated gayness (in a way that makes it "safer" to experiment across a large power differential)

hello!

discussion of csa and homosexuality and criminalization

one of the things i was thinking of as i wrote that post that i didnt include because this thought process isnt fully...processed...is that many of these crimes are contingent on certain ideas we have now about crime and the effects of actions. a lot of the causality we take for granted now did, at some point in the past, have to be learned... an understanding of it did not come intuitively to the people causing or experiencing it. i find the language of "excuses" sort of unhelpful and limiting, so i don't want to put too fine a point on whether something is Wrong even if the person doesn't Know They're Doing Wrong or have An Intent To Hurt. these things are fuzzy and not the topic of conversation to me... what matters is that like, articulations of why something wrong change from period to period as knowledge grows. so like, now we would say that child abuse is bad because you're causing indelible harm to an immature psyche at a stage when this harm will form the basis of their interactions with the world. but at a certain point in the past the explanation was more along the lines of "you shouldn't have sex with a teenager because sex before marriage is wrong and bad and you cant get married to a teenager" [well, you could also do that, and many people did].

so with that out of the way, i also have to wonder how much of a role... homosociality and the kinds of relations it favored and enabled played a part in the tendency towards relationships with a wide age gap. there's the reason in the quote you mentioned and which i went over in my post, that an ethical-but-illegal act gets conflated with an unethical-and-illegal one due to their shared illegality. that's one thing. but also i wonder if it was...accepted practice in some fashion to clock younger gay men, effeminate teenagers and noticeably limp-wristed dandies, and fold them into a circle of homosexual activity (i make it sound very depraved nkdjfskf) via seduction or whatever. like there's a difference to me between making out with someone much younger than you because otherwise they might try to kiss their classmate and get hatecrimed and...grooming with the intent to isolate and abuse. i'm not saying it was always innocent or that there weren't predatory gay men but there's a noticeable discrepancy between isolating abuse and drawing someone into a circle of relative safety and normalcy from a young age.

i don't know much about this topic and i am basically just applying my reasoning and imagination to it. which is also what i did in my original post so im pleasantly surprised to find corroboration, and it's a very interesting quote for sure - i agree that it's desperation in general, and the confusion is more likely to arise from (for example) having had similar experiences in their own past and reproducing them due to a lack of framework.

thank you for the ask! im sorry if it stops making sense at any point im very sleepy and we just watched perfect blue so my brain is pretty fried. if you dont want me to have answered this ask publicly let me know and ill make it private!

#csa tw #asks

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shadowmaat · 7 months

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Not your call

I saw a post earlier about another author piracy issue, this one focusing on Martha Wells. The post in question is now locked so no one else can reblog it because it broke containment far beyond what the OP wanted and was set to get exponentially worse since some popular authors had found it.

Basic gist is that Martha Wells had a patreon. For a while she was doing a story-per-month in her Raksura 'verse at the $1 tier, but eventually "closed" it because she wasn't writing more stories and didn't want folks signing up in expectation of that.

One fan took it upon themselves to copy all of the stories off Martha's Patreon and re-upload them (with credit) to the Internet Archive so that more people would have access to the stories. Without consulting the author about her wishes. This is one of those cases where "good intentions" doesn't always mean "good results."

As a fan, it is NEVER your call to make unilateral decisions on an author's behalf. When in doubt, ASK THE AUTHOR. Is there another way to access the stories? Will they be released in a collection at some point? Is it okay to download these for my own personal use? (I'm not sure how Martha's page was set up, but I know Seanan McGuire's allows you to download them in different formats with the understanding that they are for you and you only.)

Stuff like this is one of the reasons that the Internet Archive (which does incredibly important preservation work) has such a bad name in some circles: they allow people who don't own the copyright to upload stories for distribution without permission from the copyright holders and with no compensation given to the author.

It's also one of the reasons authors become so frustrated with and discouraged by the internet: it's difficult, time-consuming, and frequently expensive to try and keep their works from being stolen and illegally uploaded to sites like the IA, and no matter what measures they take, the piracy still happens. Which means they lose money. Money they might need. And they lose sales, which means their publishers might decide they aren't worth keeping.

You know how with the actors' strike there's all those reminders about how 99% of actors don't make millions of dollars and may, in fact, require a second "steady" job in order to pay rent and utilities? The same is true for authors. Even some "famous" authors struggle to make ends meet and they need every dollar they can make. And again, if their sales suffer enough they may get dropped by their publishers, who are every bit as greedy and predatory as any other megacorp.

I understand wanting to make sure that your fellow fans have access to all of an author's work. I understand wanting to make sure that stories get preserved and don't disappear forever. But it isn't your call to make. It's the author's choice and you have to let them choose what to do.

By all means, keep your own downloads (and do whatever you must to make sure they stay yours), but please let authors make money so they can keep writing (and being alive), and please let them decide how their stories will be distributed.

[I think the end result of the Martha Wells mess is that Martha completely deleted her patreon out of self-preservation and the fear of her stories winding up for sale on A.mazon, as has happened to her before, and the fan who'd done the uploading sent her the original files by way of apology.]

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