#like i used to identify as bi. then lesbian. now im trans & gay

[polyamorouspunk]

sleepover friday thing and im sorry if i've already sent you an ask about this, i have the worst memory in the world at the best of times. with that out of the way... how do i cope with my orientation doing a 180? my whole life, starting from when i was about 10, ive identified as a lesbian. i exclusively dated girls (or people who identified as girls at the time anyway) and non-binary people. i was only attracted to girls and non-binary people. when i thought about being married in the future, it was always to a woman or non-binary person.

then i met my soulmate and he was a man. i dont use the term lightly either -- im talking about love at first meeting, spending time together as often as possible, sharing secrets, the whole thing. i plan on getting a tattoo dedicated to him. i still called myself a lesbian, just with one exception, because he was the only man i ever loved. and then he went dormant and hasnt come back (hence the tattoo).

then i started noticing i sometimes got crushes on men but not very often. now it's a couple years later and it struck me the other day that i don't think i'm sexually attracted to women anymore. just men and non-binary people. and it really threw me for a loop. ive been a lesbian my whole life but now im not? i'm almost exclusively (sexually) xlm now. which is certainly hard to deal with since i'm dating someone who is woman-aligned.

this is really long im so sorry i didnt mean to ramble so much akskfkf but do you have any words of advice for someone whose identity flipped on its head and feels lost now

I doubt that I’m going to say anything revolutionary here, so I’m just going to talk.

Things change for everyone. Different things change for different people. I don’t want to discount the experiences of certain people like men who are attracted to cis women exclusively, women who are attracted to cis men specifically, men who are only attracted to men, women who only attracted to women, etc. When I say stuff like “sexuality is fluid” it’s in the same way you say “gender is fluid” knowing that for some people it 100% isn’t, but it CAN be.

Some people have a very hard time accepting that sexuality can be fluid. It’s been pointed out before that some people are all for playing around with your gender and calling yourself a woman as a cis man in drag or calling yourself a liquid because your gender is so fluid or going “none of the above” in those gender questions or any amount of things like that. But as soon as someone implies that sometimes you can be a lesbian and sometimes you can be a gay man and those things can coincide or change certain people get really up in arms.

Complicated sexualities and gender have been around longer than any of us, and certainly around longer than tumblr and the internet. Perhaps my own favorite example is talking about how bisexuals and lesbians used to fall under the same or at least a more similar label in Stone Butch Blues. Before the phenomenon of lesbian separatists.

Bisexual lesbians and pansexual gays and all those kinds of things, while perhaps POPULARIZED by social media, existed long before that. Why is the idea that trans people existed before tumblr not a novel idea but the fact that perhaps wlw were all lumped under the phrase “lesbian” because there were women with more complicated sexualities like might fit under the label “bi lesbian” today wild and unacceptable to some people?

The idea that you can call yourself a lesbian exclusively but have some exceptions or call yourself gay exclusively but have an exception or hell even call yourself straight but have an exception is not a new thing. I, personally, love straight cisgender male content creators who say shit like “I’m not gay but I would make out with that man”. Cracks me the fuck up. I want more of that shit. But suddenly if a lesbian says “I’m not straight but I would make out with that man” it’s like woah woah woah are you sure you’re REALLY a lesbian?

Plenty of people who are straight/gay/lesbian fully accept that you can ID as one of those things and still use that label if you have on exception or even a few. Some do not, and will say if your thoughts even stray from your assigned sex of attraction then you are not allowed to use that label.

There will people who will say you can’t call yourself a lesbian if you’ve had sex with a man before even if you didn’t enjoy it. Gold star lesbian mentality.

The idea of sexuality being fluid is sadly a controversial one, as is every facet of being “in the community”. But for many people it is.

I see it a lot like coming to terms that you are not in fact cisgender. You go your whole life believing, truly believing, that you are a cis girl perhaps, until suddenly one day you realize you are NOT. Maybe there weren’t “signs” that you were trans along the way. Maybe one day it just hit you like a ton of bricks. What do you do? How do you cope?

Well. How do you cope with any other thing that hits you like a ton of bricks? How do you cope with someone you thought loved you deciding to dump you and never speak to you again in a day? How do you cope with being fired from a job you felt so secure in and planned on being in for at least another decade? How do you cope with the unexpected death of a loved one?

Over time. You try not to stress it. You try and move through your days by keeping it in the back of your mind until time has dulled that immediate pain enough for you to reconsider. The pain isn’t going to go away. But it can become manageable. You cannot deal with things if you are screaming and crying and hyperventilating and throwing things. You need to wait until you’re not doing any of those things in order to deal with the issue at hand, for a vivid and extreme example.

What does it mean to you to be xlm? I call myself a bi lesbian. On this blog I call myself trans masc and mlm. On my main I’m a [girl] and a bi lesbian. To me that means I, Savanna, personally will have sex with people who have a vagina, as someone who also has a vagina. Be they trans men, trans women, cis women, nonbinary/other. I do not like the idea of having sex with an actual flesh and blood and cummy dick, HOWEVER I’m open enough to say “I haven’t really been in a position in my life right now where someone has wanted to jam their dick inside of me, so I haven’t really had to worry about that. If it comes to that point, I can’t say for sure that I’m going to be like ‘ew no a dick’ even though I do not like dicks. Depending on the person and the situation I might be willing to make an exception.” And hey. There are people I might be with who have a vagina that I might just be like hey you know what? I don’t want to have sex. For whatever reason.

Your partner is woman-aligned, so I’m sure in your mind that’s not something you’re aesthetically attracted to right now. But sexually might you be? Do you think you’re having another exception to your sexuality like you did before?

Try your best not to worry about it and try to come to any conclusions until you’ve given it some time. I’m not sure how long it’s been since you came to this realization, maybe it’s been a few days, maybe it’s been a few weeks. But take the time you need to not make an emotional response to it in regards to your current relationship. Do what you’re doing and talk to other people about it. When you’re ready, you should talk to your partner about it. Perhaps there’s accommodations and arrangements that can be made. I’ve said before even though I’m transmasc here like if a cishet guy wanted to date me only as his gf I would be willing to compromise on my gender expression for that most likely. My gender isn’t a huge deal to me. Things like that.

Take it slow and take your time. Don’t make any rash decisions. Talk it out. Don’t worry about feeling like you “made a mistake” or are “living a lie”. We wouldn’t tell someone who came out as trans things like that, so much as gender changes and/or is fluid so is sexuality.

#punk gets mail #the punk gives good advice

[cock-holliday]

hey! genuine question, ive only seen the flag you have in your icon called the “butch lesbian flag” and i see that you say in your bio

do you also consider yourself lesbian? or are non-lesbians allowed to use the flag?

i ask because im butch but not lesbian and idk if i can use that flag

So, I for years would put the bi flag behind a character, as a headcanon or they WERE bi or because I just felt like it. I changed my icon to Van from Yellowjackets and, confident she would NOT ID as bi, it felt odd to put the flag behind her even if it was MY identity. So I put a shared one: butch.

Now, there’s lots of lesbian flags, trans inclusive or exclusive, there is the labrys, with all its complicated history and imagery. And there’s two butch flags. This one, which stresses butch lesbian:

And this one, which tends to either say butch lesbian or butch on its own:

I liked it, for its similarity to the Bear Flag, another group of shunned and complicated queer mascs.

Do I identify with the term lesbian?

Yes and no. I identify with it for the fact that many people have used it how I use bisexual throughout history, as for many it was more adjacent to “sapphic” or “likes women in a gay way.” There are male lesbians and bi lesbians and nb lesbians and lots of ways to be a lesbian. Some used the label AS a gender.

In many ways I identify with it, in others, the label makes me feel distant from another part of myself. My attraction to men would often be assumed absent if I used lesbian INSTEAD of bisexual, regardless of it I or others used it that way. So I hover on the cusp of the term lesbian and reach for bisexual first, sometimes only.

Now, words like dyke? I get told you cannot reclaim it if you aren’t a capital L Lesbian. But I’ve been called it. Plenty. I would attend dyke marches. The Boston Dyke March explicitly included bi dykes in their definition. Frankly, they said anyone who identifies with being a dyke is welcome to call themselves one.

So what about butch? I tell people to read it all the time but I went and copied the full opening essay of Butch Is A Noun titled “I Know What Butch Is” and will add it under the cut.

But long story (essay) short, if you identify with butchness, congrats, you’re a butch, and can use the butch flag.

I know what butch is. I know, and I’m going to tell you, so listen up and take notes. First of all, butch is a noun. And an adjective. And a verb.

Butches only ever wear jeans and boots, except if they’re wearing suits, and they keep their hair clipped down to a flattop you could putt off. Except if they have to for work. Or if they want to for sex. Or if they want to for some other reason. But otherwise it’s denim and leather and butch wax, kid, and don’t you forget it. Unless you’re vegan.

Toughness, even at the expense of gentleness, is a butch trait. Butches are outlaws. Also gentlemen. Gentlemen who open doors and pick up checks and say “after you” and hold your umbrella over you in the rain while the water drips down their sleeves. But butches not gentlemen if being a gentleman means imposing on the unsuspecting their sexist modes of acting out the cultural paradigm of the helplessness of women. Except if the unsuspecting are crying and need a handkerchief, or elderly and need a seat to sit down in, then it’s all right. Probably. But butches should never wait for a femme to tell them specifically that it is all right to behave in a gentlemanly fashion, they should just go ahead and do it because femmes like a butch with confidence, unless it turns out that she finds it offensive and feels as though you have imposed your gender fetish on her, you arrogant bastard.

And butches are monosyllabic, until you get to know them, which they will not allow but want, or will allow and want, or will allow but don’t want, or won’t allow and don’t want, so you may or may not get to know them, but you should try, or not. But butches are monosyllabic because all that talking is girl stuff, you know? Butches grunt in answer to questions; they speak sharply and emphatically. They do not share, process, or explain because these are activities that bring nothing but trouble, unless they are bringing relief to the troubled heart of a butch carrying around too much hurt or pain, though butches do not actually feel pain; they’re tough enough to either slough it off like dead skin or deal with all of that themselves. Unless someone wants for them to be emotionally available, in which case they can feel their feelings even though the presence of feelings is suspect in the first place, but they must stop immediately as soon as someone else is having a tough time so that all their resources can be directed to soothing that person.

I know what butch is. Butches are not beginner FTMs, except that sometimes they are, but it’s not a continuum except when it is. Butch is not a trans identity unless the butch in questions says it is, in which case it is, unless the tranny in question says it isn’t, in which case it’s not. There is no such thing as butch flight, no matter what the femmes or elders say, unless saying that invalidates the opinions of femmes in a sexist fashion or the opinions of elders in an ageist fashion. Or if they’re right. But they are not, because butch and transgender are the same thing with different names, except that butch is not a trans identity, unless it is; see above.

Butches are always tops. They always fuck the girls, and, for that matter, their partners are always girls; there is no such thing as a butch who is attracted to men. Well, transmen, but that’s just butch-on-butch repackaged as faggotry. But no non-trans-men. Unless the butch in question is a non-trans-man, then it’s okay. Except that non-trans-men cannot be butches, because butch is a queering of gender that assigned-male people cannot embody, unless they occasionally can, in which case they have to be gay men. Or the partners of femmes. Or not. But no one with an assigned-female body can be a butch and do it with assigned-male men. Unless they’re femmes. Or butches. I’m really putting my foot down on this one.

I know what butch is, and butches definitely, absolutely, do not get fucked, even if it feels so good to have someone slide in sweet and hard and rock them just right. They might eat pussy but they never suck cock, because licking pussy is chivalry without pants, and, of course, any butch would want to do anything to please the femme in hir life, if there is a femme. Which there has to be, in order to be a true butch, except if there does not have to be, but you cannot be a misogynist about it either, which a lack of interest in femmes and their attendant delights may be read as—if there is a lack, which there shouldn’t be. But anyway, cocksucking is about ownership and dominance, so butches must always be the ones having their cocks sucked, unless the owner of the cock being sucked by a butch is tied to something, but if a butch were tying down someone with a cock of some variety then the above rule would quite likely be violated, and I think I’ve been very clear about that, so never mind.

Butch has a lot of privilege because butches pass as men a lot, and butches also have a lot of privilege in the queer community because butch reads as queer and femme doesn’t always, and being able to pass to keep one’s self safe isn’t privilege if you’re a femme but it is if you’re a butch. Unless this is a butch who can pass as a heteronormative woman, in which case ze’s not really a butch anyway because no butch could do such a thing. Except that some of them can and also having kids really helps, even though no butch could have kids because of the rule about not getting fucked and also because that’s a femme’s job, but not everyone really understood their butchness all the way along and also sometimes there are fertility issues and also sometimes there’s not a femme so we’ll grandfather in some children but we’ll be suspicious of those butches. Unless they’re really great butch dads of whatever sex, in which case we’ll think it’s the damn cutest thing in the world and punch them on the arm, or if they’re awesome butch moms we’ll make approving comments about their ability to raise feminist men, but otherwise no children and no heteronormativity for sure, except for assigned male butches who do not exist.

Besides all of that, the butch pays. If there’s only one butch on the date. Unless the femme wants to. If there’s a femme present. If there’s a femme present, the butch pays unless hir paying would upset the femme or unless it creates class issues for the butch or patriarchy issues for the femme. Or if it’s two butches on a date, which they shouldn’t be. Or they should. In any case, they arm-wrestle for it. Except in such situations in which a public display of aggression on the part of butches, or an interaction which may be read as such, could potentially be detrimental to the community, to the mental health of those witnessing the act, to the butches themselves for feeling compelled to act out normative masculine-gendered conflict-resolution tactics, or to the glassware of the dining establishment, which so often gets broken. But otherwise, the butch always pays, and there’s just no getting around that.

I know what butch is. Butches are a brotherhood, or possibly a sisterhood, which would be a marvelous way to reclaim butch’s roots in the lesbian community except some butches were never part of the lesbian community and some were but aren’t any more, but placing masculine identities on butches is disrespectful, except when it’s desirable, but anyway, butches are a tribe, a tribe of people who have been maligned endlessly for, and in fact forged an identity in part out of, not fitting the gendered expectations of the culture in which they exist (until or unless they work to pass as men, which always or never or sometimes happens and is absolutely a great or problematic thing), so butches are very open to gendered variations in others and would never, ever try to make another butch feel like shit for having displayed a behavior which does not fit the microculture’s standard of what it means to be a butch, which is a useful or idealized or ridiculous or just plain complicated standard, so it should be adhered to, or critiqued, or aspired to, or not. Butches would also certainly never try to school younger butches in ways that are angry and dangerous because they feel like the process of toughening has disappeared from modern culture and butches need to be tough, dammit. Butches who do those sorts of things either are Real Butches or are Not Real Butches, depending who you ask.

There, that should be perfectly clear.

#ask #anon ask #butch #butch is a noun #I know what butch is

[singularsoldier]

One of my biggest complaints about lesbianism on this site is that I haven’t seen a remote whisper of similar discourse surrounding gay men.

Heads up, a lot of this is ranting/venting so im probably gonna repeat stuff or not make a ton of sense in some places:

Like, a man was married with kids before realizing he’s gay. Okay, cool. You’re still gay dude. A man dates a boygirl person. Still gay who cares. He thinks a female celebrity is stunning. Duh! Look at her! But the second a lesbian is inserted into those exact scenarios, its a race to micro label and argue over what she can call herself.

Previously married with kids, dating a boygirl, thinks a male celebrity is hot, all of these are used against the lesbian identity and can be boiled down to elementary “eww you have BOY cooties” which leads into terf territory. Its a rehash of gold star lesbianism and ultimately shames lesbians who were unsure of their identity or found themselves in comphet relationships for safety/lack of support. Hell, its shaming lesbians for even thinking a random person is objectively hot bc they ID as a man.

Moving on, a similar thing happens when someone who previously ID’d as gay/lesbian realizes they’re attracted to multiple genders. Even if its just romantic for one and sexual for the other, the gay person is ultimately seen as bisexual. No further questions. The lesbian? Once again, its a race to label and argue.

This is where “bi” lesbian loses me. I don’t see anyone calling gay men bi gays for being in those previous scenarios I listed. A bi guy who only dates women and sleeps with men is bi. End of story. Not a peep about being a bi gay. I have, however, seen multiple definitions of bi lesbianism that include those exact examples. A lesbian got exposed to BOY COOTIES so now they can’t call themself a lesbian.

Or, rather, a woman only likes men romantically but since she isn’t dropping her panties for him, she’s still a lesbian. Is she only bisexual if she has sex with men? What if she only dates girls and sleeps with guys? Does that make her a bi straight? Once again, the second a woman enters the equation, everything goes out the door and we have to argue about Person Who Doesn’t Have Sex With ____. Why is being bisexual regardless of how it presents a bad thing? I haven’t seen anyone give a solid reason other than “i dont wanna be bi” or parroting some kind of terf rhetoric.

Adding to that, in a lot of the discourse, it honestly feels like bigender/multigender people are being used as a gotcha. Like I said before, a gay guy dating a boygirl is just a gay guy dating a boygirl. A lesbian dating the same person? “They identify as a boy!!! You clearly like men!!” which, ultimately, ignores the full scope of that person’s identity. They aren’t just a boy in the same way they aren’t just a girl. I guarantee no one would jump down a gay guy’s throat and say “ummm ACTUALLY she says she’s a girl so she makes you not gay”.

The same gotcha issue comes about with trans people. It’s as if saying “I’m not attracted to men” equals not calling a trans woman a woman. I only ever see terf accusations float around when a lesbian makes that statement. Never when a gay guy says he isn’t attracted to women. If your first thought when hearing that is “well they MUST be talking about trans people” then you have a problem, and anyone who actually refuses to date someone bc they’re trans is the actual exclusionist.

Gay and lesbian have a region of gender identity that falls out of bounds. A lot of people do. Yet the level of discourse over everything I mentioned is drastically different between them. God forbid a lesbian say “oh I dated a gay once but realized I wasn’t attracted to men”. They’ll get called a terf, an exclusionist, and every name under the sun. If a gay guy said the same about a woman? Two notes and its gone.

#vent #rant #lesbian #lgbtqia #gay #lgbt discourse

[our-butch-experience]

this is probably somewhat of a vent but, i really want to identify as butch. the label feels like its my gender. i used to identify as a trans male, but i just. that doesnt feel right. but i,, always never thought i could ever be butch bc that had to do with lesbian and i used to had a kind of,, bad opinion on lesbian as a label? (like the discourse about the gay flag copying the lesbian one and the bi lesbian 'drama', it just put me off from ever experimenting with that label till now) but ive grown out of that. ..somewhat. im still scared to outwardly express that or tell anyone because of that. its scary bc im scared the people i tell wont understand (like i .. dont want them to see me as just. a tomboy/girl. thats not what i mean, but thats how i feel like most ppl would think i mean) or will make fun of it. part of me would rather just keep them seeing me as a transmale even when thats not 100% true just because its somewhat easier to explain. im not a girl but if i say im butch people might think i am a girl and i hate it. im not a girl, im a butch. thats the gender. but i dont know how to explain that to people who arent really like!! lgbtqia+ themselves or close allies !!! :( or even to lgbtqia+ ppl, because theres some who think labels should be restrictive or whatev (which. aint true, ive realised that but yknow ! those ppl were part of the reason i didnt experiment till now so) or that just dont understand it. i dont know what to do, sorry thid was so long btw, i needed a place to vent about this, so thank you

the way ive found is just staying with easy labels for others to understand, but you dont have to, do what you want and i hope they understand

#butch

[android-freak]

🍁🌼💚💙🏳️‍⚧️🔮

i give u six <3

omg six, what a treat this is

🍁- When did you first realize you were queer?

god, probably back in middle school, i had this whole crisis about what i identified as, but i figured it out :)

🌼- If you used any other labels before your current one, what were they?

dear god, from what i can remember it was; pansexual - lesbian - demigirl - trans and omni - trans, demisexual, gay - trans, demisexual, demiromantic - and now its trans, greyromantic/sexual and bi :) (holy fuck i didnt realise how much it was HAHADFKVFJ)

💚- How many queer people do you know irl?

almost my entire friendgroup irl is queer bro, we're a bunch of queers

💙- When you first learned about the Queer community, did you immediately realize ‘That’s me!’ Or did you consider yourself a ‘really good ally’ for some time?

god i cant really remember, i think i was all like "yeah im pansexual :)" and then had like a 4 year long change crisis

🏳️‍⚧️- What Flag do you think has the best color scheme?

AROACE, MY GOD ITS SO FUCKING PRETTY

🔮- What Was the Moment you Realized you were Queer?

i get more and more queer everyday, but probably back in like middle school when i found out what it was LMAO

#:) #TY FOR THE ASK KJ #<3 they were very fun

[theyhitthepentagon]

i just posted about this on my twitter priv (so sorry to the like. 7 people that follow me there AND here) but last year i saw this post that was like "hi guys i made a new label for when ur sexuality to 1 gender feels both het and homo" or something like that. and i was like wow cool. because on twitter ur not allowed to use contradictory labels ever its either nonmen-loving-nonmen or nonwomen-loving-nonwomen or multispectrum identities like bi and pan and all that (i never really thought much about what the nonmen/nonwomen stuff meant for me as a monosexual girlboy at the time).

anyways i saw it i was like cool i went on with my day but later i saw this person get dogpiled really hard because like "u cant be straight and lesbian/gay at the same time!" and i was like oh ok. but now im looking back like. literally why did people get so mad $>%<#

theyre always shitting on contradictory labels and stuff which is like. whatever i guess. but when a multigendered person makes a label that isnt contradictory that accurately describes how they experience attraction they still get shit on. it makes me wonder if they really Want to include multigender monosexual people

i feel like if a multigender person. doesnt feel comfortable as Only queer or Only unlabeled or Only gay/lesbian. they just dont want them. like if ur monosexual AND u actually feel all the genders you identify as then ur just like. fuuucked. and u gotta be something you dont identify with 100%.. idk it feels like they pride themselves on being inclusive of all genders and all trans people except for the people whos genders actually effect how they perceive their attraction </3

#ask to tag #ive been thinking about my sexuality and deconstructing alot of the experiences ive had on twitter rn so i can form my own thoughts SORRYYY #does this make sense i hope it does...

[spacedoutcowgirl]

lgbt+ team rocket

headcanons down below bc

they didn’t call it team

rainbow rocket for nothing

— as some of you may know , i am an obnoxious she/they lesbian with a team rocket fixation. so, obviously, for pride this year i had to sit my little gay ass down and and come up with a shit ton of lgbt headcanons for (almost) every team rocket agent. if you follow me on twitter you’ve most likely already seen the thread. if you’re not following me on twitter, go do that. im actually really funny.

dni interact w/this post if ur homophobic or a terf. i’ll kick your ass down to hell.

🌹 jessie and james:

jessie is definitely bisexual. i think she definitely realized it about herself a bit earlier on then james did (pre-teen age maybe?) because she had an . . . unconventional childhood and was more exposed to the idea of being ‘not straight’ unlike james who spent his pre-runaway years in the Worst Environment Possible and his parents give me the kind of vibes that would gasp in horror when their kid even brings up the topic.

jessie brought gay influence into james’ life so quickly after they became teammates because she knew this confused lil magikarp needed some help. shout out to her <3

james is pansexual and *chucky voice* gender fluid. no doubt about it. i like to think that jessie and meowth stayed up late once making james different pronoun bracelets so they’d know what james was feeling like that day. he cried about it for an hour. labeling himself as pan just seemed so right because everyone out there was so hot it should’ve been a crime.

🌼 butch and cassidy:

cassidy (my beloved <3) , like jessie , is also apart of the bi club. the two of them dated years back. they will deny that that ever happened though. it was a . . . messy break up to say the least. Anyways i think she had that ‘oh i like women’ realization amongst going into the training academy for tr. blondie here most definitely took the are you gay test under her covers late at night.

she came out to butch v aggressively. like she was waiting for him to say something the least bit unsupportive so she could clock him in the face. butch just said “really happy for you, cass, but we’re gonna miss the pudding down in the cafeteria.”

butch uses he/they pronouns. currently questioning his own sexuality because yes cassidy is totally the love of their life but uh it’s totally not normal to walk into a pole twice because james was shirtless at the gym.

🪴 atilla and hun:

atilla is a gay man. he screams homosexual i know you hear it. there isn’t a straight bone in his body and yk what good for him. atilla defends the fruit salad gang with his life say one homophobic/transphobic thing and prepare to get well acquainted with his fists, thelma and louise. he plans all the team rocket pride events and they never disappoint. atilla is also guilty of making ‘happy coming out’ cakes for any grunts or new recruits.

hun is pansexual and non - binary. they never really felt like they ‘fit’ into a gender category so after some research, they learned what being non-binary meant and cried out of happiness. they identified as just straight for awhile but then they joined team rocket and giovanni waved his little gay wand and dubbed hun a pansexual. (jk hun realized they were pan after going through a lot of their trainee class)

the two of them are dating and aren’t exactly on the down low about it but they just keep to themselves outside of a few friends.

🌻 wendy, domino, and tyson:

wendy and domino are lesbians. they’ve been together for five years now. you didn’t hear this from me but apparently one of them is planning to propose. (atilla is going to plan their engagement party). the two first met when domino was sent down to HR for a brief counsel session about throwing one of her boots at a grunt. domino was in love with wendy at first sight.

domino and tyson are both trans. domino is mtf and tyson is ftm. the two of them run a little rocket support group for other trans members that meet up once a week. best believe if there’s another rocket being transphobic to another that domino is going to use her gf’s position in HR and her own position as the boss’ favorite to make their lives hell.

tyson is also asexual !! he’s straight and while he still feels romantic attraction, tyson realized during his teen years that seggs Was Not for him and that was okay. he bullies butch and cassidy every time he’s caught them in the act during team rocket parties.

#i also have hcs for the johto excs but that might be a diff post bc im tired #pokémon #team rocket #neoshipping #jessie and james #rocketshipping #atilla and hun #domino pokémon #wendy pokémon #atilla pokemon #hun pokémon #lgbt #lesbian #transgender #bisexual #genderfluid #be who you are for your PRIIIIIIDE

[skrunksthatwunk]

i wonder what terfs would think of people like me. like I've mostly heard them talk about transmascs exclusively as "lost lesbians" or girls trying to escape the pressures of womanhood or whatever but like. im a lesbian. and a man. and a woman. i present very femme despite being transmasc. it's all quite strange and complicated, as queer identities have often proven themselves to be. this diversity of relationship to gender (and thus gender identities) is part of the lesbian experience, and has been part of sapphic communities for a long ass time. gender nonconformity and genderqueerness go hand in hand. why do they only accept such a limited view of lesbianism?

for terf lesbians, I'd guess it's the same as that gold star shit. it's a purity contest. they have to define and affirm their identity through excluding certain things (men, sex with men, identifying as men, community with men, etc) instead of what they actually like or want. it becomes about who doesn't count. it's about keeping men out. it's part of why many lesbians who think this way hate bi/pan/etc sapphics as well.

but of course a lot of this is spread by heterosexual ppl, often women. first of all, don't speak on behalf of the lesbian community if you're trans exclusionary, especially if you aren't a lesbian. you are not protecting lesbians by selling a big chunk of us out to transphobia, transmascs and transfemmes alike. secondly, just because you're afraid of men and find them gross doesn't mean i have to. my womanhood is not defined by my suffering, nor is my lesbianism defined by rejection of men (or my dislike of dick, as some so eloquently put it). men have their appeal, im just not into them. it's not a political stance or some stab at the patriarchy. it's just how i am. (and ofc politics and patriarchy affect me and are part of how i experience/present gender, but they don't make it what it is so much as bend it a bit).

so, by both their definitions and my own, i am a woman, and i certainly am a lesbian. yet by theirs i would also be a lost lesbian. do i count? how have i been lost if I'm still here? what do you really think of me, now that you can't hide behind that particular fantasy?

what new box will you invent for me?

and yknow it's not even about the box. it's about my choice. whatever i choose, it'd be wrong, because the choice is what they dislike. you are born male and cruel and brainwashed or you are born female and divine and wronged. to choose either way would be a betrayal of that dynamic, of their patriarchy. they find community in lying on the ground, defeated, rather than in the climb.

anyway fuck terfs I'm gay lol

#genderposting

[corvidares]

as per your last reblog i’ve been searching for advice and i don’t know who to ask so you’re my victim (/s) my partner recently came out as a trans man and i’m so happy and excited for him and i love him very much but i’m so committed to the lesbian label. i love being one, i love calling myself one. i still like girls, but i also still love him. what do i do here??? does it even matter??? you seem like you’re so wise with this stuff. could you help me out?

well i can give you my input, at least! its a pretty personal matter, but i am flattered you deem me "wise" enough to ask LOL

but yeah, i wanna make clear that this is ultimately up to you, and your partner. it could definitely be worth having a conversation about; for example, would he feel uncomfortable with you identifying as a lesbian? would that feel invalidating to him? 

im sure i dont need to tell you there are plenty of good adjacent labels like sapphic, queer (a personal favorite), just plain ol vague gay, and of course bi pan etc. or no label at all! but you know that, and i know how hard it can be to let go of a label that provides you a lot of comfort and joy. 

in the end, queer ppl in irl spaces care waaaaaay less. you could continue to call yourself a lesbian, and likely most people wont bat an eye. (again, assuming your partner is comfortable with that)

yes, lesbian is most often understood as "someone who does not date binary men" these days but like that post says.. our history and terminology is fluid and we, as humans, are too!  labels are tools for us to use and signifiers to find community. in the end, despite what online queer spaces will try to tell you, no one but YOU can determine how you label. and if they do, fuck em. block and move on. 

i have a friend who went through a similar experience - he at the time identified as a lesbian, and ended up dating his then (male) best friend. so he switched to pan, only for said partner to come out as a trans woman! (theyre engaged now :) ) my friend has realized since that hes attracted to men / masculinity as well after all. case in point! we're complicated creatures. 

i know it's a bit of a non answer, but i cant make that choice for you! i wish you and your partner all the best tho, and congrats to him figuring himself out :D 

#ask #anon

[umbr3llaz]

do i think people absolutely romanticize being a lesbian and have denial for liking or wanting men or being a man? yes. ive met them.

do people feel lesbian may oppress nb so want bi lesbian and then felt in their own security that they were inclusive- sounds like good intentions even when we go "lesbians also means nb" but i get that if its not written down we get anxiety we hurt others or exclude others of nb.

like gay, and bi, and trans, there isnt one straight (lel) arrow box landing on the lap of "you. are. this." some people feel "lesbian but nb leaning" is fetish and weird and long- and man i didnt know that. (and i dont think if you find yourself loving nb over cis means your maliciously like bad. love who you loved. it happened and happens)

i think also hating on a label that cant be undone or makes someone feel safe isnt fair to you or to them. all feelings on things are valid (maybe not behaviors. and maybe not labels. we dont all get that right) but i think the little bi lesbians trying it on want something more than you'll comprehend or understand but to say "that label is wrong for you" kinda goes off kilter. "so i just let them erase lesbians?" is a thought but also it feels kinda terfy because the main importance is that you say no to people you are not attracted to, rather than deciding who is a valid woman or let alone lesbian (like thats insane to tell someone they arnt a woman because they didnt lesbian enough or they arnt lesbianing good enough so hurry and have the answers and figure it out now for my understanding).

like if some high schoolers was like "im a bi lesbian masc domoreinted only sexual with blue eyes white dragon comfort level" id be like godamn you to the gulag for having me hear that grey spectrum of hodge podge- like no im not gonna say your perfect at everything you do your footing on this gives people pyschic damage but ykmow what its a feeling no one can take away - its like i accept your blue eyes white dragon ass sounding sexuality that doesnt mean i like or understand or comprehend. its not violent your different. its violent if we think someone is more valid than the other.

So now I’m a terf? After simply defending my right to an identity I find safety and comfort in? And you, someone who does not identify with the label, are going to tell me that I must accept the idea of men in lesbianism?

I’m so sad to see that this is what you’re going to do to lesbians in your life who try to defend themselves or push back in any way the mistreatment we face in this community.

Straight women already use my sexuality as an attempt to ward off men, and now we must accept that a more ‘liberal’ version of political lesbianism is our fucking future? No I won’t.

Goodbye, listen to more lesbians in the future

#TERFS FUCK OFF AND DIE #I’ve actually never been so insulted and disrespected by another lgbt person in my fucking life #like im a terf for saying that lesbianism doesn’t involved men it involves women and nbs aligned with lesbianism #im just so exhausted of this it broke my heart to learn that people I know have been so poisoned to never listen to lesbians ever #and blame them for everything #like you’re literally a man telling a lesbian she has to accept being attracted to men in her orientation #please think about that longer than 5 minutes and some googling #ask.txt

[butch-bakugo]

lmao im lesbian and i get you on the blog title but like. they’re just kinsey 5s trying to find a label for it. kinsey 5 (and kinsey 1) where people are “mostly gay/mostly straight with a few exceptions” type of people will always exist, they don’t have a choice about it any more than we do, and throwing a fit about it doesn’t change that.

1st off, the Kinsley scale is incredibly homophobic and biphobic. Like this is the same man who believed in conversion shock therapy so I don't value any Kinsley shit. This man did not respect that people could be gay or bisexual so don't bring his homophobic ass scale into conversations about bisexuality and lesbianism.

2ndly... Have you heard of preferences? Did you know that bisexuals have historically identified with and without preferences? Like you can be bi with a preference. Not to mention that if you think someone who is a whole ass lesbian is the same as a bisexual with a heavy preference for women then that's lesbophobic as fuck. Lesbians don't like men and masculine aligned people. Period. That's what lesbianism is. I was a lesbian for 5+ years, I know lesbianism.

Lesbians don't like men inherently, bisexuals do. Bi wlw used to be considered both straight and lesbian because the lesbian label used to only mean you fucked women. Bi women were called lesbians when they were with women and straight when they were with men and idk how to explain to you, as a bisexual myself, that that removes my autonomy as a bisexual to have to flow between other labels when we labels ourselves. Bisexuals and lesbians fought to separate bisexuals from the lesbian label because they are more than their sexual acts. Bisexuals have been reduced and forced to "choose a side" since our conception. We are not lesbians and we are not gays and we are not straights because we like everyone sexually.

"Bi lesbians" don't just hurt lesbians by forcing attraction to men Into their identity but it also forces bisexuals back into the pressure to 'pick a side' which IS INCREDIBLY BIPHOBIC. Gender and monosexuality is a complex topic but saying you can be genderfluid or bigender and still be a lesbian aka exclusively attracted to women and related enbies and not men is not the same as telling every lesbian their sexuality must include full cisgender men, male aligned enbies and trans men. One is a fluctuation of gender that is super unsteady in our society and the other is changing a fundamental of the only oppressed identity to not include men and forcing them to include men.

It should throw hints in your direction that that label is invalid when straight men who learn about it immediately go to the argument that "well some lesbians like men, you just arnt progressive enough" when they hit on lesbians. As if lesbians aren't told daily by pansexuals and certain bi people that being gay is regressive. Ik because when I was a lesbian, I was told that.

Now this was pretty scattered but imma go fuck my gf whose also a bf now as someone who is a boy and girl and we are gonna have full blown bisexual sex cause guess what? A preference is not the same as exclusivity, that's why bi and lesbian aren't the same thing anymore and bisexuals are owed their own autonomy.

#levi speaks

[creaturebehavior]

i keep thinking recently about how confused i was sexually as an adolescent because i didn’t know about gender queerness yet and even once i started exploring gender and my own transness it was still very confusing for awhile and took many years honestly for me to truly accept and understand my experience with gender and what that means for my experience with my sexuality and i feel such relief for how far i’ve come. there’s been periods in my life where i felt so confused

i didn’t understand why i was so often attracted to gay men all my life? and why i was also attracted to women? and why was i really only attracted to people who were just more feminine in general regardless of their gender? and why do i feel like a hundred times more attracted to someone if they’re queer? And i had to deal with internationalized homophobia and confusion like. I know i’m not the only queer to have felt this way but i felt like it was predatory to be more attracted to someone who is queer especially if they’re trans, even though i am queer i am trans i am gay i am queer in every way beyond my gender and sexuality as well. but i felt like that was bad of me or wrong of me. Until i spent a little more time on this earth, got to know more queer people, got to know myself better, and realized that this is an extremely normal and common experience

the reason i use the word queer to describe myself is so much because of my journey with sexuality and gender.

i thought i was straight and cis, then i thought i was bisexual and then i learned the word pansexual and was like that’s me. and then i kind of thought i was a lesbian but i also felt like i was a boy but i was in denial about my trans feelings. then i accidentally fell in love with my best friend who was a guy so i was like i guess i’m pansexual for sure. then i accidentally discovered gender and then i was like i guess i’m gender fluid. and then i was like i think i’m a boy. then i was like i think im a boy like, mostly. and around this same time i learned it’s okay to just call myself bisexual and that it can mean the same thing as pansexual if you’re using the most popularly accepted definition of the word in the lgbt community so i was like okay i’m bi now i guess. but also at this same time defining my sexuality became pretty unimportant to me. then i felt pretty truly mostly genderless but a little fluid for a good few years. then i moved away and was mostly back in the closet out for safety reasons and that really started to screw with my head and i was genderless af through these years but everyone perceived me as a cis woman and called me she/her and i was also dating a straight man at the time who perceived me as cis so i was just feeling so unseen and strange and so didn’t feel like myself. then i got out of that relationship and had to get back in touch with myself again. then more moving and more being in the closet. eventually i realized i do identify more with womanhood than i did when i was younger and that is in part because of living five or so years being perceived as a cis woman it really changed my perception on who i am in relation to the world and what i feel that means for my identity personally. and so there’s been times now over the last couple years i identified a lot more with womanhood than i ever had previously. and this year i feel like i’ve been very in touch with parts of my gender i haven’t been in touch with in a long time. feeling boyish at times well really all over the board. genderfluid is still a term that’s true for me 10 years later but even better than that i think is to call myself queer. cuz what the hell is going on. and it applies to my experience with sexuality too.

and side note, while we’re on the topic of queer experiences. dating someone who is “straight” is very confusing because i am not straight so we cannot be straight together. but language i guess is just as complicated as sexuality. there’s plenty of people who identify as straight who engage in queer relationships or queer sex so. But at the time, especially being young, i remember feeling really stressed out at times dating a straight man because i felt this loss of identity in the face of his identity and thoughts would constantly swirl around in my head like “anyone who dates me is automatically a little gay just by the nature of the situation. if i’m trans then he’s technically a little gay” just trying to make sense of my experience. ugh being young an queer is hard.

i’m grateful i understand myself now and that i don’t have to stress out over stuff like this as much. i still feel some gender stress sometimes cuz it is a lot to process having a fluid gender at times, like sometimes i feel mentally like unprepared for a gender shift or i just wasn’t expecting to have a certain gender thought or feeling and i have to process it like. i still deal with that and dunno if that will ever leave but for the most part i feel a lot more at peace and have a lot more understanding of myself and queerness in general and it’s a relief.

#processing

[screechingkingdomhottub]

SUPPORT BISEXUALS THIS PRIDE

I’m bisexual and it’s June and honestly I kinda hate pride? I keep trying to love it and celebrate it but I’m so sick of all this nonsense I see every pride so let’s fix that!  1) Bisexuals can be attracted to men, women and non-binary people all at once. “But bi means two!!” Every time you have a biscuit do you have two? Every time you take a bit of something do you have 2? Every time you study biology do you study the number 2? Every bite you have do you have 2? But let’s assume because you’ve heard the words bisect and bicycle that it does mean two in every occasion, a large amount of bisexuals define it either as being attracted to 2 sexes (there are only 2 sexes, many gender identities) or being attracted to their gender and other genders. Idgaf if you identify as pansexual, I do not think it’s different from bisexual at all but whatever makes you happy, just don’t try tell me I’m actually pan and erase my identity. 

2) Attraction to men is so valid. Men are hot. Cis men too. There’s a lot of good things about men that people overlook or think men can’t do or don’t do. My friends who are cis guys do the following: support everything about me, compliment me (to the extent of calling me hot in totally platonic way), hug me, talk about emotions with me, talk about how much they love their girls with me, buy shit for me and remember shit about me, just tell me downright what they’re thinking, stop me from going after people who are bad for me. I know not all men do this shit, and I know a lot of this stuff people say is generalised but I love my bois and bisexuality often includes being attracted to men.  3) Attraction to women is valid. Women are hot. Cis women too. Women do all the same things men do but often times have a greater understanding of makeup than men. 

4) Attraction to non-binary people is valid. Non-binary people are hot. They can do all the same things men and women can. Amazing.  5) A woman having 1 wlw kiss that is for a man’s pleasure or experimenting and never fully saying she’s bisexual is not good representation. Dean Winchester is not good representation. Winona Ryder in friends is not good representation. Unless a character says they are bisexual and then acts like a normal human person, potentially getting into a relationship with someone of any gender identity (can be bi and only in straight passing relationships cause that can happen irl) then that’s not good representation. Right now only good rep I’ve seen is Rosa Diaz of b99, that’s done excellently. OH and oitnb rep sucked, piper saying she used to be gay a whole bunch drove my bisexual ass crazy. 

6) Most biphobia I’ve experienced has been from within the lgbt community. With lesbians talking about how gross bi women are, with gay guys assuming bi men are gay secretly, trans people calling bi transphobic (im bi and trans explain that to me). A lot of pansexuals speaking over bi people. A lot of aro/ace (who I wholeheartedly support, love you bastards, no games, never have to assume you’re flirting with me haha) people will assume bi is more accepted because it’s in the original acronym but it’s really not. 

7) Bi people can be straight passing but that also sucks. If I’m in a relationship with a woman, I’m still gonna think dudes are hot. I’ll see Zac Efron and lose it. But I won’t feel like I belong to lgbt anymore due to me being in a “straight relationship”. I’ll feel like I’ve betrayed my queer peers and also not be accepted in the same way by straight people. That’s not fun. 

#Bisexual #bi #Biphobia #biphobic #pride #LGBTQIA #lgbt #asexual #aromantic #pansexual #gay #lesbian #trans

[ars0nism]

the christian kid throwing around the word queer feels incredibly homophobic

#yes i use queer for myself but i am gay. like. its like saying the f slur #'do ur own research on queer culture' BESTIE HIS BEST FRIEND LIKES BEN SHAPIRO 😭😭😭 #rn im just prsying hes not gonna discuss it with the transphobic kid and instead asks me to explain because i have been every single letter #at some point #thats hilarious to me tbh #like i used to identify as bi. then lesbian. now im trans & gay

[nat-stimmy]

SO @keroppi-stims heres my super long explanation on the term bi lesbian if you wanted to rb it for that anon, putting it under a read more bc its LONG

so, to start lets define bi lesbian - which is not as cookie cutter as you might think! mspec lesbian + mspec gay labels are very fluid by nature,and the reasons i identify as a bi gay man may be completely different from the reasons another bi gay man connects with the same label! the bare-bones definition is: someone who identifies with both of the labels “bi” and “lesbian” now that’s not nearly enough information for a lot of people looking into this, especially because these two labels seem at first glance to be contradictory and inherently different this is untrue for a very simple reason (and bear with me here, there’s a bit of binary language used since this was back when the queer community was first finding its footing): lesbian started out to mean a woman attracted to women regardless of any other attraction she may experience as well this means that a woman who was attracted to men and women would have been considered a lesbian, just the same as a woman who was exclusively attracted to other women

you might know this to be what’s now called an Umbrella Term! just like gay is / was, lesbian used to be a broad umbrella term that anyone could identify with now. there was. a certain group of people. that did not like this. they wanted ‘lesbian’ to mean a (cis) woman who was exclusively attracted to other (cis) women. they coined the term ‘gold star lesbian’ to mean someone who only dates and sleeps with other cis women, and then eventually that escalated to them pushing out the people we now would class as mspec! thats why the term bisexual exists, to give them back the sense of community they lost it doesnt take a genius to guess who this group of people are in the modern-day, but i cannot say their names because it WILL attract them to my blog and i dont care to get swarmed by red in my notes! if u know u know anyways, so thats a very very brief and vague history of the term lesbian! i mention this because it’s crucial to understand why people say lesbian is an umbrella term, and why terms like bi lesbian exist and aren’t as Weird as they appear!

now that the history lesson is out of the way, let’s get back to the term itself. there are MANY reasons ive seen that someone might ID as a bi lesbian, and exactly NONE of them are transphobic. funnily enough, most of the mspec lesbians + mspec gays ive seen have been trans, including me!

which, is a GREAT segway into something that too many people overlook in the discourse around bi lesbian and similar terms: multigender people.

when you have multiple genders, sexuality isn’t always as cut-and-dry as it is with monogender people! and as a result, if you want specific, descriptive terms? you gotta mix and match if you’re bigender (example: both male and female) and you are attracted to male and female people, then by definition you are both bi (attracted to two or more genders) AND gay / lesbian (attracted to the same gender) therefore, you might identify strongly with both labels, and decide to ID as bi gay / bi lesbian!

not all mspec lesbians / mspec gays are multigendered, or even trans, and that doesnt make their reasons for IDing with their chosen label Bad or Wrong or anything, i simply bring this example up because not many people even think about multigender people and our resulting experiences with sexuality! note: when i say multigender i’m using it to mean anyone who is not 100% one singular gender for 100% of the time, im including genderfluid people (hi) as well as people who are always two or more genders at the same time for ease of communicating. i’ll even go one step further: all of this? could apply to the labels “straight lesbian” or “straight gay” , which are both valid sexualities!

also to end this super long ramble: every [REDACTED] i’ve come across fucking HATES the terms bi / pan / ply / omni lesbian. you know why? bc they hate anyone who isnt a cis woman attracted to only cis women using the term “lesbian”

it is most certainly NOT one of their “things” i can assure you

i also ramble a little more [HERE] though be warned- it is written in a very angry tone because i was going off on a rude anon

TL;DR: bi lesbian (and its related labels) are most certainly good-faith identities, and the reasons for IDing with it differ from person to person so much that i couldn’t possibly list every reason here

#not stim #long post #very long post #ok to rb #if u want to rb it and youre not the person i tagged feel free #ALSO eli if you dont want to be tagged in this lmk and i'll edit that out!

[longearedowlfromouterspace]

THE BAD BATCH AND THEIR GENDER/SEXUALITIES 🏳‍🌈

im feeling especially fruity today, and i decided to do something fun with it. pretty sure this has been done before, but still, yay for gay space dads!!!

HUNTER

-this man is not straight in the slightest.

-elaboration you ask?

- i headcanon him to identify as a queer genderfluid person

-he thought he was straight until he saw Anakin on the mission in clone wars season 7 and his mind just went 'oh FUCK-'

- he experimented with bisexuality before deciding he'd stick with being queer

-he's now come to terms with being queer, and he doesn't really give it that much thought

WRECKER

-this dude is, in my opinion, aro/ace as HELL

-he probably asked tech where babies came from and he was never the same

-i mean he's still sex-positive, but he'd much rather be eating the space equivalent of garlic bread while wrapped in a blanket burrito

-when anyone flirts with him, he is CONFUSED, like 'no thank you, i want friends and arson'

TECH

-chaotic panromantic demiboy!!!!!

-he's slightly sex repulsed, which used to confuse him because in his studies, it says intercourse is natural and sometimes pleasurable...

-which, to him at least, wasn't the case

-but he knew that he didn't care about gender when it came to love

- he eventually came to the conclusion that procreation is not inherently the key to everything

-i'm so proud of them

CROSSHAIR

-🎶it aint no lie, baby, bi bi bi🎶

-this dude is bi as fuck

- as for gender, crosshair just said yes

-he, she, they, anything at all

-they also simped for Anakin on skako minor, but unlike hunter, crosshair knew he was bi since she was a cadet (crosshair knows ALL)

ECHO

-my boy echo is a demisexual homoromantic

-but he was so used to being among his brothers, he assumed he wasn't anything more than straight (even though the clones aren't straight either and it's the kaminoans heteronormative bullshit that represses them in terms of finding their identities)

-but after being freed from skako minor, he decided to try to find himself

- HE DID and he feels great

OMEGA

-omega is a mtf trans lesbian

- she figured this out with the help with the only not-complete-arsehat kaminoan nala se when she told her she didn't feel like herself

- nala se was actually super supportive, but she wasn't a patch on the bad batch *it rhymed!*

-she still thinks she's got some time to finish discovering who she is, but for now, this is who she is

- the bad batch are so proud of her :')

so there you have it, folks! those are my headcanons, and these are just for fun, so don't come at me with homophobia or any negativity, but if i did get anything wrong, please dm me

love you guys xx

#the bad batch #tbb #clone force 99 #tbb tech #tbb crosshair #tbb hunter #tbb wrecker #tbb omega #queer positivity #asexual #panromantic #homoromantic #bisexual #gay pride #nonbinary #trans rights #gender fluid #lesbian #aro/ace #star wars #no one is straight in star wars #pansexual