#like i can't be happy about graduation because i can't find a fucking job

[youvebeenlivingfictionalreplies]

.

#personal post #will delete later #whining here because i have no monwy for therapy right now #i'm just feeling so stressed and so tired and so worthless and stupid #like what was the point of sinking myself into literally 100K worth of student debt for this masters if i can't even get a job in the field #like this was supposed to turn shit around for me #and i can't even get entry level positions #like what do i need to fix. what am i doing wrong #i've been applying for two months #before i even finished school #and i'm getting nothing but rejections #i feel so trapped #and i feel dumb for working my ass off in school because it has gotten me nowhere #i just feel like i can't take a breath #like i can't be happy about graduation because i can't find a fucking job #it just feels like the last two years were for nothing #and i don't know what to do #i could be a good if someone just let me get my foot in the door and just gave me a fucking chance #i'm just asking for a chance and i can't get that

[jamil-s-wifey]

If you're taking any scenario request. Maybe could I request funny/silly one where Leona and his S/O are married and live in the Royal Palace. Leona's S/O has gotten lost somehow in their own home and when found their response is "This place is too damn big I'm sorry!"

You have NO idea how much I love these types of fics! Wholesome crackheadedness at its finest✨ We love a spouse with 0 orientation skills. (I'd know, I get lost in supermarkets) This was ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS I've EVER written. I hope you enjoy!

"What the actual fuck."

A turn here. A turn there.

Oh, would you look at that - the exact same vase you passed 5 minutes ago. But was that really the same vase? Or was it its evil twin, trying to further confuse you, only for you to get lost even more and die of starvation, eventually BECOMING ONE WITH THE PALACE...

God, whoever built this palace should have their head on a stake. Haha, that sounded a lot like the Red Queen of Hearts. Perhaps Riddle was rubbing off on you. You two did text occasionally since graduating from NRC.

Speaking of graduation, you married Leona. (yay!) And it's not like you weren't happy. Life was relatively peaceful. You two moved back to the palace. Arrangements had begun for you two to take over a certain part of Sunset Savannah, as something akin to a *Peerage. (They had their own name for it, you are currently far too annoyed to remember.) A lot of (semi-forced) communication set the road to reconciliation between the two brothers. (Admittedly a very long road. A road that puts Gulliver's travels to shame.) The Royal Family™️ accepted you with open hearts. (albeit a tad wary at first)

Really there was only one major problem.

The ROYAL PALACE IS LIKE A GODDAMN LABYRINTH. And that's rich, given your history of painting the white roses with Ace and Deuce in Heartsabyul's maze. So here you are, lost.

Scratch that.

Lost: again.

And all you wanted to do was find Cheka's room. You had a gift for the little cub.

"An architectural masterpiece, my ass. This is an architectural disaster. A disaster with a capital D. D for Vitamin D - what I won't be getting, because I'm trapped within these walls, where the SUN CAN'T REACH ME-"

Okay. Calm down. It's not that bad, sure there isn't a soul in sight, but you're bound to stumble upon somebody at some point, right? There had to be servants, or guards, or somebody! UNLESS! This is all an elaborate plan to get rid of you.

Aha! That must be it. The Royal Family wants you dead and they intend to make it seem like an accident! But Leona wouldn't allow that, right? He loves you! Dearly! You're his spouse, his one and only! Ah, cruel fate.

Is it just you...or are these walls moving in on each other. So this IS an assassination attempt! And you presented yourself on a silver platter. Good job, s/o. Splendid work. A royal for a few months and you're already about to be assassinated. Your name shall remain the book of "Dumbest ways to die." Goodbye cruel world-

"S/o."

Leona's voice rang through the empty hallway, "What are you doing out here."

Ah! And so tragedy was avoided once more!

"Leona, my LOVE! Thank God."

"Did you just- get lost in the palace... again?", his eyes read annoyance but his tone was teasing.

"It's not MY fault this place is so damn big, what do you need all this space for anyways? Indoor badminton? Hide and Seek or Die?"

"Definitely that last one. That's how we get rid of our enemies."

"AHA! I knew it! So this IS an assassination attempt!"

He simply rolled his eyes, pulling you towards him to wrap an arm around your waist and kiss you on the forehead.

"This isn't an assassination attempt. You did this yourself. It's called idiocy."

"You should build a better palace."

"What I should do is put a collar on you. With a tracking device on it. Like a pet."

"Oh, Leona~ Who knew you were into that~"

"Next time I'm leaving you here to rot."

"Then I'll haunt you to Hell and back."

He smirked, pinching your cheek as you were both making your way far from the cursed looping corridor.

"At least you won't be able to get lost."

"I told you, it's not my fault."

"Nah, of course not. The Palace is just cursed."

"EVIDENTLY."

You both knew this isn't the last time you'll be getting lost. And Leona was seriously considering the tracking device.

Perhaps he'd already ordered it too.

You were about to find out.

*Peerage - collective noun for titles like Duke, Duchess, Count, Earl etc. Comes from "Peers of the Realm" where one could hold one or more of these titles. It differs from monarchy to monarchy. THAT'S YOUR WORD FOR THE DAY FOLKS!

#twisted wonderland #twst imagines #twisted wonderland x mc #twst x reader #disney twst #twst wonderland #alice answers stuff #leona twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland leona #leona x reader #leona kingscholar #leona x yuu #leona x y/n #leona x you #leona x mc #leona kingscholar x reader #leona kingscholar x mc #leona kingscholar x yuu #crack fic #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland x yuu #leona twst #twst leona #twisted wonderland leona x reader

[oreotoreads]

DIRTY LITTLE SECRET ♡

pairing: lawyer!jay x lawyer!reader. fem!reader. 

WC: 15+k!

genre: rivals to lovers / fwb to lovers, forbidden relationship, smut, crack, fluff, romance, angst if you squint (everything you would find in a rom-com don’t ask me please🥹)

synopsis: you and your rival during your college years end up starting in the same law firm which has strict dating rules. when your boss wants you to work together for a case, you get to know each other better.

warnings: smut, protected sex, unprotected sex, oral (both receiving), hand job, fingering, sexual attraction, teasing, slight edging, rough sex, slight violence (men fight),  ex! sunghoon (only mentioned) ,heeseung is evil, jake, chaewon(le sserafim) and ryujin(itzy) as colleagues. jackson wang as ceo (lol) (pls feel free to warn me if it needs more!) 

a/n: AHH FINALLY FINISHED! hello everyone and say hi to my first fic ever on tumblr. i hope you all like it and please send your feedbacks because it motivates me and makes me so happy. i hope you won’t regret spending your time on it. thank you!

When you finished law school, you already had hundreds of job offers and calls. You graduated with an honorable degree and with the impressive internships you did throughout your education, you managed to catch the eyes of the best law firms but ended up signing with the one you wanted the most.

Your parents were so proud, your friends were so proud of you, they were all there to celebrate you graduating. you worked your ass off to finish this school and now you felt it paying off when you hold your diploma in your hands, excitedly shaking it in the air as you run to your friends. 

“I made it!!!” 

All your girlfriends screamed with you as they hugged you, tears of happiness were forming in your eyes. You almost thought this day would never arrive. 

“Y/n!” A voice you hated so much through these 5 years filled up your ears. But this time it didn’t bother you that much. 

“Jay.” You turned around on your heels, holding your diploma in your hand in a weird way to show it off to him, the side of your mouth curling upwards as you stared at his eyes.

“I wanted to congratulate you for being first in our class.” He smirked. You raised your eyebrows getting confused by his politeness. 

“And congratulations for coming second, Jay.” You scanned his diploma and his clenched fist around it, even though he was smiling to your face. If they asked you which feelings were better between graduating Harvard Law and beating Jay Park, you would think about it. That's how competitive you were with him and you knew he felt the same about you.

“Let’s hug.” He leaned down before letting you speak or in other words protest as he held you from your waist and pulled to himself, resting his cheek next to yours, smelling his after shave and light perfume.

“Enjoy being first in your university life because I will never let you feel that way in your business life.” 

You froze in his hold. His annoying giggle echoed in your ears like he was the villian from a movie. What the fuck did he mean by that? You were never going to see his face again after this day anyways.

He stepped back before his mother appeared next to him, shaking hands with your mom as well, it was the first time they physically met. Even though Jay and you were never friends, each other’s name never left your mouth whenever you were back in your hometown. Jay only talked about how he got higher notes than you and you only talked about how the teacher liked your essays more than his. Your poor mothers thought you were friends or even lovers at some point since you only talked about each other to your parents at every dinner. You also hated how your mom loved Jay so much, and weirdly his mom also liked you a lot. 

It was weird their kids hated each other’s guts.

“Y/n! I can't believe you guys are colleagues now!” His mother squeaked, as she pulled you in a tight hug, squeezing your shoulders afterwards. 

You forced a laugh. “Aha, Mrs. Park, yes we are both attorneys now, how nice, right?” You raised one eyebrow, wishing for her to confirm your words. You wished she meant being colleagues as doing the same job until you are 50 something and did NOT mean working in the same law firm as Jay.

Instead, she laughed loudly. 

“My Jay got the position at WANG, just like you did!” 

The information you heard was so sudden, you choked on your own saliva, your mother worriedly slapped your back. 

You finally managed to get your breathing again. “I beg your pardon?” 

Instead of his mom, Jay decided to break the news to you. “Sorry to break it to you, y/n but you were not Mr. Wang's favorite intern at all. He hired me 15 days after you left and he immediately offered me the same position as yours.” 

You closed your eyes, trying to process everything you just heard.

“Wait, wait, wait. so, you're telling me, we will be working together in the same law firm?” 

Jay smiled with his pearl white teeth in the fakest way possible. “Exactly.” 

At the end, Jackson Wang saw two incredibly talented lawyers in the making and he couldn’t choose only one of them. 

So he decided to get both.

*

It was 16 months later after graduating, both of you had your positions in the firm and you were both very successful. 

That's why your boss gave you two tables next to each other, so you can work together and brainstorm cases. 

Jay and you were always fighting and bickering, he was driving you crazy. Working with Jay was hell. The only thing making this a better experience was he really was a good lawyer. He was stupid but he was good at his job. 

“Can you please focus and stop staring at Ryujin?” You pinched his forearm and he squeaked. 

“I am definitely not staring at her.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, you are undressing her with your eyes, those two are different things.” 

Jay gathered his hands around his chest and made a pout. “Oh my god, y/n, are you jealous that your partner is staring at some intern instead of you?” 

You squinted, giving him a deadly stare. You swear to god only if he wasn’t helpful in cases you would have already got him kicked out of the firm somehow. 

“In your dreams.” You rolled your eyes. 

You knew Jay liked her, but it was impossible for him to date her anyways. Your boss Mr. Wang had strict dating rules. He wanted everyone to focus on their work and he truly was a supporter of that you can’t separate work and love. Since you started working here, two lawyers decided to marry and Mr. Wang kindly asked them to resign just so he wouldn’t fire them after their happy announcement. 

“I am already cock blocked by Jackson, anyways.” Jay whined and you shushed him. 

“Jay, stop calling him by his name oh my god. Where is your manners?” You whisper shouted.

“I left all my manners at Harvard, darling.” He got up and shuffled your hair and you kicked him on his ankle and made him stumble as he walked towards the restroom. 

This was exactly why Jackson Wang hired you both as partners. 

You hated each other’s guts and he knew you two would never ever ever date or even like each other. 

Jay and you were partners but the rivalry between you two was in the talks of the whole firm. Interns loved watching you bicker and try suggesting a different idea everytime the other came up with a different and better one. On every meeting, you fighted, usually because Jay teasing you for something stupid. 

Jackson Wang made you a team, just so there wouldn’t be so much chaos in the firm. He literally read forums about you and Jay from your fellow Harvard graduates. 

-one time i was at the library and these two started shouting out of nowhere, don’t go there if ur trying to memorize med terms :/

-jay will be first of course. jay why didn’t you call me back after the night we had? :( 

-y’all i would watch this rivalry if they documented it on netflix, ngl.

-i was trying to study and i heard a girl scream, when i looked out of the window i saw she was kicking the pavement out of frustration… turns out it was y/n and she was frustrated cause she got A- and Jay got A+.

-y/n and jay should fuck each other on our graduation day we all deserve it.

You were famous before you graduated, and Jackson loved the fame you brought to his firm, making others left in shock as he got you both.

*

After Jay came back, you tried to work for a little while before Mr. Wang called both of you to his office. He was young, the firm was his father’s legacy actually and after graduating law school he became the ceo. Everyone loved him so much but he had his own little weird habits let’s say. 

You knocked on his door and Jay was standing beside you. after hearing him say “Come in.” You opened his door. 

“You wanted to see us, Mr. Wang.” 

“Ah, yes, yes. take a seat please. Wait or don’t. It will be quick.” 

You and Jay eyed each other in curiosity. 

“There is this friend of mine, uhm to be honest, my ex-girlfriend. She is filing a divorce and she called me.” 

You pressed your lips to each other to hold your laugh. For some reason your boss talking about his ex to his employees felt awkward. Jackson continued. 

“He apparently cheated but she doesn’t have any proof we can show in the court so you know what to do.” He rolled his eyes as if it was nothing. You and Jay have been having divorce cases left and right since you started in the firm. 

You sighed, seeing all the files on top of each other beautifully sitting on Jackson's desk, waiting for Jay and you to go through. 

“She really must have loved you if she is making her ex file her divorce, right boss?” Jay asked with a stupid smile on his face and then winced in pain when you pinched his thigh. 

Jackson just stared at Jay and didn’t even bother to answer his question.

“We will work on it all night, have a nice evening mr. wang.” You bowed your way out pulling Jay from the collar of his blazer as you dragged him out of Jackson’s room. 

“Didn’t know you wanted to get fired so badly.” You rolled your eyes and started walking without waiting for him, you heard his footsteps following you to the elevator.

“You won’t get rid of me that easily, darling.”

*

You decided to invite Jay over (for the first time ever in 16 months) since you had to work the whole night. You knew Jackson had his full trust on you two and Jay was also aware of it, so you were sure he would just professionally work and leave. 

You cleaned your house and prepared some snacks and you checked your fridge if you had some wine. 

Since you graduated, you were single as a pringle. You had a boyfriend in 2nd year of college, his name was Sunghoon and he was studying software engineering back then. It lasted for a while but then your classes got heavier and you decided to give your all to your studies so you broke up. 

And since then you only had some coffee dates through college and nothing since you started working at wang. 

It’s why now you were at your house, getting nervous at a man entering your household. Even if it was only jay. someone that is obviously you would never date. 

You went to your room and put on some biker shorts and an oversized graphic t-shirt. You put your hair up in a messy bun and added some flavored lip gloss that you enjoy wearing. 

You put all the files on your coffee table and prepared your macbook with necessary tabs open and decided to wait for Jay as you sat on your sofa. as you sat down, you realized how tense your neck was, you were literally struggling to keep your head up. Your work was stressful and definitely not easy. looking through hundreds of folders every day was incredibly tiring for your body. And now you have to do this with jay. 

You heard the door and stood up before unintentionally checking your face on your mirror in the hallway. 

When you opened the door, you saw something you didn’t expect at all. 

It was pouring rain outside and Jay was soaked. Of course he wasn’t carrying an umbrella, you were the one who covered him whenever you went to meet clients and it started pouring rain. Since you were tired, you didn’t even realize when it started raining. 

“Oh my god.” you grabbed his wrist and pulled him inside in a swift move, jay stumbled towards you and your chests bumped before he stumbled back. “I told you maybe a thousand  times to carry an umbrella.” you rolled your eyes to grab some paper towel from your kitchen, meanwhile curious Jay kicked his boots over and followed you inside. 

Your place was nicely decorated, it was minimalistic and had warm beige tones mainly. Jay scanned your kitchen when you were busy tearing apart paper towels. 

“Nice place, I expected something horrendous from you.” He commented, leaning himself to the little island in the middle of your kitchen. 

You sent him a death stare before you approached him with the paper towel. 

“You look like a wet rat in my kitchen for the first time and this is what you say?” You rolled your eyes and touched his shirt to see how badly soaked it was. 

“Were you trying to make a romantic music video or something in the rain? How did you get this wet?” You shook your head in disbelief as you tried to dry him down. 

“Ouch. A wet rat is a little bit mean.” Jay pouted and got the tissues from your hand to dry himself. 

“This is not gonna work, I need to give you some clothes.” You dragged him to your bedroom this time. surprisingly jay didn’t complain, maybe he was just used to being dragged by you anywhere you go. 

You opened the door of your bedroom and went straight to your closet, looking for your brother’s and Sunghoon’s old stuff that you still had. 

You managed to find some basketball shorts and a black t-shirt that would suit Jay. 

“Here.” you handed him the clothes. 

Jay scanned the clothes, especially the basketball shorts and gave you a questioning look. You huffed. 

“They were Sunghoon’s.” you blurbed out. Jay made an oh sound. He knew Sunghoon from college, you were all in the same friend group once. He never understood how you managed to date an engineering dude in second grade. 

“That is why they seemed familiar.” He said and his hands went to his belt to unbuckle it. 

You stood there for a while to process what was happening in your bedroom, Jay Park was about to get naked and he didn’t even ask you to get the  fuck out before he do that. 

You closed your eyes and turned your back to him and let out a scream. “Why are you undressing in front of me?!” 

“Why are you acting like you have never seen a male’s body before?” He snapped back, you heard his wet jeans dropping to the floor behind you, followed by his shirt finding its place in his pants. 

“Thank God my underwear is safe.” He mumbled, almost talking to himself and you scratched your eye to distract your mind from twisting his words and making yourself snort. 

“Are you done?” You put your hands on your waist, expecting an answer from him. 

“Yeah.” 

You turned around, seeing Jay with the basketball shorts and his hair looking wet and messy so it made you smile. He actually kind of looked cute.

“I will give you a towel to dry your hair.” You stormed out of your bedroom, leaving him in your bedroom alone. Curious cat Jay's eyes started scanning the environment he was in again. Your bed sheets were dark emerald green and he saw the strap of your nightgown sneaking under your pillow. He walked up near your head side of the bed and hooked his finger on the strap, sliding it to himself to check it out. You had a simple satin black night dress you always wore. Jay puckered his lips as he nodded his head in a confirming way. At least you weren’t wearing grandma pjs. 

He quickly tucked your nightwear back when he heard your footsteps coming closer. 

“Here.” You handed him a black towel. “Be quick, it’s already 10pm.” You squinted, trying to look intimidating to him before you walked out of your room, you heard jay’s following you and the ruffling noises of his hair. 

“Thank you.” He mumbled, almost in a shy way and handed you the dampened towel. You bit down the inside of your cheek before you scanned his face and took the towel from his hands. 

“It's fine.” You shrugged and threw the towel in the laundry basket. “Go to the living room, I have everything ready there. I’ll bring some wine.” You said and pointed to the living room area with your eyes to get him moving. 

Jay sighed as his body hit your couch, ruffling his hair with his fingers and relaxing his muscles. Running in the rain was tiring and definitely not romantic to him. 

You sat down next to him and placed his glass of wine on the table. You didn’t make any eye contact as you directly went in for the files and he did the same, your hands touching each other’s like it was a stupid rom com movie. 

“You can get that one.” He cleared his throat and went for another file, hoping the moment was not weird. You awkwardly smiled as you started reading it. 

After working for some time with Jay and sipping wine as you do, you almost choked on it when you saw something you didn’t expect. 

“Oh god, Mr. Wang and Mrs. Kim broke up because of the firm���s rules. Dating was not approved.” 

Jay continued the story.

“And she married the CEO instead of Jackson?!” 

You slapped your mouth in shock. 

“This is why!” Now you understood why Jackson had a different view of dating in the firm. 

“My man’s got heartbroken.” Jay mumbled, sipping his wine in a melancholic way. 

“I am sorry you won’t be able to make a move on Ryujin.” you showed his shoulder to tease him. Jay rolled his eyes. 

“I don’t like her. She is just hot, that’s it.” He shrugged. Since Jay was just a man, you found that fair. He cleared his throat and smirked. 

“I am sorry for Heeseung though, he is whipped for you.” 

Your eyeballs almost came out of their places at the new information Jay threw at you. “Heeseung?!” You chirped. 

“Mhm” Jay mumbled as he was scanning the file in his hand. “I heard him talking to Jake in the restroom, he said he was jealous of me because I get to be with you all the time while he is stuck with Jake.”

You were overwhelmed at how Jay effortlessly started spilling. You side-eyed his wine and saw his empty glass. You smiled. 

“Poor Jake.” you pouted, Heeseung’s words might have hurted him you thought. Jay nodded and rested his back on the couch. 

“Do you think you are lucky, Jay?” you looked under your eyelashes, looking as innocent as possible. You were one hundred percent sure Jay was a light drinker, even in college years and you totally forgot about it when you handed him the wine. 

Jay’s eyelids fluttered as he stared at you. “I am the unluckiest man on earth.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Would you rather Heeseung over me?” He asked this time, his hand went to his glass and he realized it was empty. “Do you have more wine, by the way?” He asked. 

You got the bottle that was standing on your side of the coffee table and poured more for Jay and yourself. 

“I’d rather you of course.” You said expressionlessly. “You are a pain in the ass but we make a good team.” 

“We are actually an amazing team.” He smiled. 

Jay couldn’t believe he was able to talk to you so casually, in your house late at night. College Jay would not believe this happening. College Jay, never looked at you as someone who is likable. Now as he was staring at you in the dim light and laptop screen lights, he realized how pretty your eyes looked when you smiled, how your upper lip was in a beautiful heart shape and perfectly plump. He gulped loudly. 

You dropped the files to the desk and turned your body to Jay and rested your elbow on the head rest, your face leaned into your palm. 

“What?” he asked, a smirk appeared on his face. 

“I am bored.” You shrugged. 

Jay let out a chuckle. “Nice joke, y/n.”

“No I am serious, we worked enough for today.” You really were bored and the case wasn’t that big of a deal, it can be easily finished tomorrow at work. Being with Jay like this awoke unknown feelings inside of you and you wanted to enjoy it more. 

“C’mon.” You whispered, leaning into him and taking the files from his hands and putting them on the table. This was the second time your hands touched and goosebumps rose on your skin. What the fuck was happening to you?

“Okay.” he mirrored you and started talking about normal life things as you listened to him carefully. 

*

“I feel like I am tipsy.” You giggled and checked the time. “Oh my god, Jay. It’s 3am.” 

“Is it?” He chuckled and let out a sigh. “Time flies with you.” He threw himself on the couch, his back was laid, he turned his head to look at you. You were sitting on your side, your legs crossed under you. Jay’s eyes were a little red from lack of sleep and wine.

When your eyes met, he laughed. 

“What are you laughing at?” You asked, examining his lips and teeth as he laughed. 

“Just remembered how we hate each other a lot.” 

You slapped his bare arm. “I still hate you, this night is an exception.” You told him as you tilted your head. 

“So we don’t hate each other tonight?” He asked, his breath fanned your lips as he talked. You scooted closer to him. When your hand met with his tilted neck, a shiver went down his spine. 

“No we don’t.” Your fingers stroked his skin, going up to the little hairs on the nape of his neck. 

Your faces were only inches above now, Jay’s scent enveloped you. 

“Do you wanna break some rules while we are at it?” He asked, your noses brushed when he talked. You let out a big sigh. You just couldn’t believe you were in this position with a man after almost 3 years and it was Jay. 

The guy you hated the most. 

“I don’t wanna do something we might regret.” You whispered against his lips, feeling concerned. But you wanted this so much and Jay could tell. 

“I don’t think I will ever regret having you for once.” He gripped your chin with his fingers and connected his lips to yours. You immediately tilted your head to allow him more access to your mouth. You grabbed his neck and pulled him closer to you as his arm snaked around your waist and scooted you closer to his side. Jay’s lips were so soft and careful against yours, you didn’t think he had a side to him like this. 

His hands lowered down to your hips slowly before he broke the kiss. 

“Do you want me?” He abruptly asked. 

“I don’t know if this is just wine or I am losing my mind but I want you, Jay.” you stared at his eyes. You couldn’t believe those words just spilled from your mouth. 

“How did we end up like this?” He laughed, leaning in to peck your lips again. Instead of replying, you straddled him, wrapping your arms behind his neck. He stared up at you like he was mesmerized. It has been so long since he had a woman sitting on his lap like that. 

“Less talking, more kissing tonight, okay?” You kissed him, now with the intention to taste his kiss and get the feeling of him more. Your body craved the urge to explore Jay, you doubted if you carried these feelings all these years or was it something new. 

Jay’s hands sneaked under your shirt, his fingers caressing your skin when your lips dropped to his jaw to leave open mouthed kisses. 

“Let’s go to your room.” He mumbled, dropping his head to the back and giving you more access as you sucked on his soft skin. You hummed against him, getting out of his lap and giving him your hand. 

Jay chuckled as he grabbed it and let you drag him like you always did but to your bedroom this time. 

For him to fuck you. 

You giggled when you felt him hugging you from behind leaving a trail of kisses down your shoulder. When you reached your bedroom, you turned around in his arms to kiss him again. Jay lifted you up by grabbing you from your thighs and dropped you to the bed, trying to be gentle as much as possible. He got rid of the shirt you gave him so quickly, giving you only a few seconds to breathe before he smashed his lips against yours. 

You felt his chest and abs under your palms, feeling the bumps and ridges of his deliciously soft and tanned skin. 

He slid your t-shirt up towards your ribcage, exposing your skin to his eyes. You looked so fucking breathtaking as you laid under him. He stroked the sides of your body before he pressed kisses all over your delicate skin. His fingers came in contact with your biker shorts. 

“Can I?” He asked for permission, you frantically nodded, making him laugh at your excitement. 

He pulled them down, leaving you in your lacy black underwear. Jay’s lips kissed every inch that was newly exposed to him, he kissed your thighs and his fingers were hooked under the elastic of your panties, playing with them slyly. 

You let out a moan when he kissed your clothed core. Jay was satisfied to hear you moan for the first time tonight, actually the first time in his whole life. The woman who taught him what real competition is was now moaning under him. 

Getting rid of your shirt, you exposed your upper body as well, leaving you only with panties. Outline of Jay’s dick was pretty visible and all you wanted now was to feel his big cock stretching you out. 

You palmed his crotch just to see if your eyes were mistaken when a guttural moan left Jay’s lips. Jay was hard and big, it made you squeeze your thighs together but you couldn’t because his head was between them again, he rubbed his cheek inside of your legs. 

“Mhmm.” he let out a satisfied moan as he felt your arousal against his lips over your panties. 

“Jay, please.” You whimpered in frustration. “Take them off and let me feel your lips.” 

“You want my mouth on your pretty cunt, huh?” He responded, biting the inside of your thigh. Jay was very straight forward and you were shocked when you didn’t see any glimpse of shyness on his face. His eyes sparkled with lust and hunger instead, as he stared up at you. 

He took your words as his command either way and slid your panties down to your ankles, seeing the wet patch formed in the middle. He licked his lips at the sight, your pussy looking perfect for him to devour. 

“What a pretty cunt.” He complimented, bringing his index finger around your clenching hole to see how wet you were. When the tip of his finger easily sunken inside you, he brought his other finger, spreading your wetness all over your pussy as natural lubricant. 

“I wonder if you’ll be able to take me.” He tsked, still toying with your cunt as he rubbed his fingers up and down through your folds. Your breath hitched on your throat when you started hearing the wet sounds coming from his fingers. It was so dirty and erotic. 

“I wanna take all of you.” You whimpered loudly, your fingers pulling on his hair. 

“Good girl.” He inserted his two fingers after he already saw you dripping down to your sheets, making wet patches on the expensive looking material. 

You took his fingers well, biting down your lower lip to suppress your moans. He curled them up like he had a map of your cunt, making contact with your g-spot deliciously. 

He fingered you for a while, turning you into a moaning mess before he grabbed your leg and put it over his shoulder, leaning back down to your core to lick a bold stripe through your folds. 

“Oh my god.” You screamed, pulling on his hair with your whole life, your hole clenching around nothing as he sucked on your clit like it was candy. 

“God, y/n. You taste so fucking good.” He hummed against your hole, sending vibrations all over your body. You were seconds away from cumming. 

When you saw Jay also rubbing his cock on your sheets, painfully hard in his jeans and trying to get a friction, you realized how close he was just from fingering and eating you out. 

“I want you Jay.” You whimpered, impatiently pulling him to yourself as you grabbed him from his face, kissing him again. Jay shamelessly showed his tongue down your throat, making you taste yourself mixed with his own juices. You reached down to pull his shorts over his ass, feeling the curve between his butt and his waist. His ass was perfect and you thought how amazing it would feel to push him deeper inside of you from his hips and he thrusted in you frantically. 

Jay pulled his underwear down as well, kicking the shorts and the boxers from his legs as he struggled a little but he managed to do it. 

“Do you have a condom?” He asked out of breath, kissing the valley of your breasts as his one hand played with your nipple, pinching and rolling it on his palm. 

You reached out to your bedside drawer, Jay’s lips automatically falling down to your ribcage, peppering kisses all over your tummy. Being a whimpering mess, you managed to grab a condom, wishing it hadn't expired. 

He towered you before getting the condom from your hands, ripping it with his teeth in a hurry, he just wanted to be inside you right now. You curiously studied his cock, as he gave it a few sloppy strokes to, spreading his precum over the length to begin with. Then he carefully slid down the condom on his cock, he palmed himself from his base as he guided himself over your cunt, collecting your juices all over the condom. 

When his tip rubbed against your clit, you whined, showing him how eager you were to take his dick. Jay smirked as he kept rubbing himself against you, enjoying the feeling of this new type of intimacy. 

“Jay!!!” You whined once again loudly, if he kept doing this you would cum without even getting to feel him inside. He pressed his against your entrance hovered above your body as he had to push his dick into your tight hole. You tried to open your legs further for him to go deeper but everytime he moved, you clenched so hard and whimpered. 

“So fucking tight.” He grunted, looking down between your bodies and seeing his cock halfway in. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling in him and kissing his jaw. “It’s okay, I am not in pain.” You assured him, wanting him to be balls deep inside because for fuck’s sake you had enough. 

“I don’t wanna hurt you.” He said in concern, moving his hips forward a bit more, eliciting a moan from you. He sighed in pleasure as he felt your heat enveloping him even more. 

Jay was kissing down your neck when you suddenly wrapped your legs around his waist, making Jay bottom you out in one move. The way he moaned so loudly against your skin made you clench again, you felt so fucking full. 

“Fuck!” He cried out, the way your walls wrapped him so beautifully was driving him insane. 

You whined his name, pulling him closer to your body and hugging around his shoulders. 

“Are you okay?” He asked, pushing your sweaty hair out of your face to see your expression. It has been so many fucking years since you last had sex, but you didn’t want to tell this to him and boost his ego. He already understood anyway, you thought. 

“Hmm.” You hummed, as you hugged him close, not letting him move as you waited for the slight burn to subdue completely. Meanwhile Jay gave you some kisses to make you feel comfortable, seeing you in this state looking so pretty and vulnerable switched something inside of him, he wanted to take care of you the whole night.

“Tell me when to move.” He kissed your temple as he patiently waited. It was your fault  being so eager and ending up hurting yourself but he wasn’t surprised. Your eagerness was also present at work. 

“Move, Jay… please.” You cried out, literal tears forming on your eyes from the immense pleasure of feeling so full. His cock felt like it was the perfect match for your needy cunt. 

When Jay started moving, your eyes literally rolled back to your head. His pelvis was perfectly grazing over your clit, creating the most amazing sensation and made you squeeze him as he started slow with grinding motions.

His nose bumped against your before he gave you a soft chaste kiss on the lips, which made your heart beat so fast. His lips dropped to your jaw, then your neck and then up again to your earlobe, biting it gently. 

“You feel amazing.” He whispered to your ear, sending shivers down your spine as your back arched. 

You didn’t know how you made him feel but you were sure you were on cloud nine. Jay was so fucking good, he was everything you needed all these years and you hated the fact that he was right in front of you. 

After a while, Jay was easily going in and out your pussy, he was pulling out to his tip before he plunged himself back fully into you. The filthy whimpers he left with every move made you go crazy, wrapping your legs tighter around him to feel more friction. You wrapped around him like velvet and he thought he was in heaven. 

“Can I go faster?” He mumbled against your neck, you only nodded, feeling unable to answer him in words. Jay patted your thigh, as he buried his face in your neck completely. His hands grabbed your as with his pretty hands to hold you in place before he started a quicker rhythm. 

Your moan cracked in your throat and your hands gripped your bed sheets, he was fucking you fast and deep, it felt euphoric. You just wanted him to fuck you every fucking day. 

That’s when you had your idea. 

“Jay…” You whimpered. “So close.” Your eyes shut with pleasure. Jay’s cock was feeling your spasming walls and it pushed him to his release way faster. 

“Me too, darling.” He stopped sucking your neck to look at your disheveled face which he decided was extremely hot. 

“Let go with me, let’s cum together. My God you feel so good y/n.” He grunted as he quickened his pace even more to make you both cum. 

You cried out as your back arched and held onto Jay’s shoulders, having the best orgasm in your life. Ever. 

Jay filled the condom inside of you, your walls milked him until there was nothing left for him to release, he cummed a lot, he couldn’t ignore the idea of you cumming inside of you loads and watching it spill from

your slit. 

“Fuck.” You breathed out, regulating your breath as Jay laid on top of you, trying to get his back. If he stood up right now he would fall on top of you. 

You played with his hair, massaging his scalp as he stayed inside of you for a while, a silence taking over the place of your moans and the sound of sex. For some reason, Jay felt peaceful, his skin was warm and pretty, it gave you a comfort that you craved for so long. 

You wanted him to sleep next to you. 

He scanned your room with his eyes to spot the bin, before he got up to discard the condom he placed a kiss on your jaw, you felt yourself blushing for the act. (like he wasn’t balls deep inside few seconds ago)

You watched him slip inside of his boxers quickly and without a word he came back to bed and laid down next to you, watching your ceiling. 

Both of you felt the awkwardness and the sudden change of your rivalry turning to friendship and then it ending up in bed, things escalated so fast for you to process. 

You spoke up like you read his mind. 

“Let’s talk about this in the morning, okay?” You asked, turning your body towards him to stare at his side. Jay was built deliciously and carved by gods you almost swore at how you never fucked him once in college. 

“Mhm.” He hummed, pulling your sheets over himself. He lifted the side for you to come in. 

You quickly cuddled into him, as he covered your bodies. You hugged his waist and put your chin on his chest, feeling peaceful than ever. 

“Can we keep loving each other until tomorrow?” He asked suddenly, making you look up at his glossy eyes from the tiredness. His words made you smile softly. You nodded, your hand finding the side of his cheek as his found yours, pulling each other in a kiss like magnets. 

You fell asleep to Jay’s lips kissing you gently.

*

“Wake up, Park.” 

You slapped the piece of paper against Jay’s sleeping face as he laid in your bed. You were already dressed up, you opened your windows to let the smell of sex disappear and spending exactly 45 minutes on the hickey on your neck to cover it up, thanks to him. 

But, the most important thing you did was what was on top of Jay’s face. 

“Good morning to you, too.” He rolled his eyes as he stood up, making you suck your lower lip to the sight in front of you. You were already dressed up in your pants and blazer, he realized you had showered and was smelling of your expensive perfume that he always secretly admired. 

“If you agree with all the clauses I listed down in the contract please sign it.” You put your hands on your waist, staring up at his face because he was taller. 

Jay was dumbfounded as he sat down back on your bed, flipping the paper to read it out loud. 

“Friends with Benefits'' contract.” he furrowed his brows and looked up at you. “Seriously?” 

You sighed. “Please just read.” 

Jay huffed, looking at the first line. “Whenever one of the other person wants sex, they have the right to call the business partner in order to satisfy their needs.” 

“Hmmm.” Jay hummed, laying down completely on your bed and lifting his arms up to keep reading the paper. You crawled next to him and straddled his thighs. 

“Physical contact whenever someone craves it is also okay.” He continued then looked at your fingers toying with his waistband. “Like now?” He smirked. 

You slapped his tummy. “Just continue, Park.”

Jay squinted to read the other line. “No other sex partners. Or any partner that will contain the use of body fluids.” 

“I’m a little hypochondriac.” You scratched your neck, reasoning him. 

“So this means as long as this contract is present, I’ll only get to kiss you and no one else?” He made it clear out loud for you to confirm.

You proudly nodded your head, making Jay let out a cute giggle. 

He got serious again when he saw the sentence that was written in bold and red. 

“Dating each other and falling in love is forbidden and the other has the right to terminate the contract if it happens.” 

Jay cleared his throat, staring at your clothed figure sitting on top of him. You decided to talk. “We will keep this a secret of course, no one can now.” you mumbled silently and looked at him with keen eyes as you anticipated an answer. 

“Give me a pen.” 

*

A month already flew by with the agreement you did with Jay and everything was simply amazing. You had frustrated from work sex, I want to feel something sex or simply I am bored so I am here to fuck you sex. Well you couldn’t complain at all, fucking Jay was one of a kind and surprisingly both of your sex drives was as high as Mount Everest. 

You found yourself biting your lip as Jay bent down a little to show Chaewon what she couldn’t do on the computer. You licked your lips at the view of Jay’s ass in his tight work pants and his tiny little waist inside of his designer belt. 

“Yeah, just like that.” he assured her, giving her a smile before he walked up to his desk next to you, of course he caught you staring shamelessly. 

“Something on my butt?” He pouted, trying to look behind his back. You sent him a deadly stare. 

“Probably your brain.” You smiled at him annoyingly. 

He was about to say something when Ryujin stepped inside. “Good morning, everyone.” 

You unintentionally turned to look at Jay, to see his reaction to seeing her. She was pretty, she was younger and she really was Jay’s type. When you saw Jay smiling at her softly, you had a pain in your stomach, and uneasiness took all over your body. 

“My internship is ending in 15 days so I wanted to tell you all that. I will be working at a different firm.”

Jake came up to her, “So you won’t be a part of WANG in 15 days?”He asked, and she pouted, nodding her head. 

Now, you were scared to look at Jay, there won’t  be any blocks between his work crush and him in the matter of 15 days. He was going to  terminate your contract and make a move on Ryujin and then marry her after 3 years and have kids. 

“Y/n!!” Someone yelled. “My God, are you deaf?” Jay waved his hand in front of your face. You snapped out of your own thoughts suddenly. “Hm?” 

“Client is waiting for us in the lobby.” He explained,  and stood before your chair as you gathered all the things you needed from your desk. “Okay let’s go.” You got up, started following Jay to the elevators. You got in after him and watched him press floor 2 instead of L. 

You furrowed your brows. “I thought we were going to meet the client?” 

“I lied.” He nonchalantly said as he stretched his neck to the back and then to both sides. You licked your lips. 

“Sounds like you found a safe spot.” 

He puckered his lips. “Oh, yeah.” 

*

When your back hit the cabinet behind, you made a surprised sound. Jay’s lips literally attacked yours, your teeth clicking sometimes from how hard he was kissing you. 

He brought you to the archive, after he found out the guy who stood here goes to lunch around these hours and there were no cameras in the room. 

“Now it’s the time that you can touch my butt.” Jay breathed into your mouth making you laugh. 

“Did you bring me all the way down here so I can touch your butt?” You talked between kisses, his fingers unbuttoning your shirt to expose your lacy black bra. 

“Mhm, my favorite set.” Jay ducked down to suck on the skin that was showing over the material. As he was busy down there, you quickly unbuckled his belt and pulled his trousers down, grabbing his ass and pulling his crotch to yours. 

He moaned at the feeling of your hands touching his ass and his clothed cock making contact with your clothed core. 

“Fuck, that felt good.” He chuckled into your neck. 

“It’s unfair you have a better ass than mine.” You pouted as your nails scratched the nape of his neck. 

“We can go to the gym together, darling. Y’know, bonding time.” He winked at you, making your eyes roll in a funny way. To be honest, sweaty gym sex didn’t sound bad you might consider going to gym with him. 

You kind of felt relaxed that after the news Ryujin dropped, Jay was still thinking about you and wanted to be with you. But you knew you had to talk about this matter with him later.

Right now, you just wanted to make him feel good. 

You put your hand inside of his underwear and grabbed his hardened member as you started stroking him, his precum was already leaking from his tip so it was about time. 

You twisted your wrist as you pumped his dick, to get all of him. 

Both of you were startled when your phone rang out of nowhere. You kept your hand on his dick while the other went to your pocket, grabbing your phone.

“Shit, it’s the client. They must be here.” You whined as you stared at Jay’s hazy eyes from pleasure. You just couldn’t leave him with blue balls like that. 

You got down on your knees in seconds, taking his cock in your mouth and swallowing around him, giving him the fastest blow job you can ever. 

Jay closed his mouth with one hand to muffle his moans while the other held on to your hair with his dear life, to keep you in place and guide you on his cock. You took him down your throat and breathed through your nose before you started bobbing your head, your fingers caressing his thigh. 

Jay’s dick twitched in your mouth, his precum on your taste buds when you looked up at him, catching him looking down at you, his one hand still covering his mouth. 

A throaty moan left his mouth, when you licked the vein underside of his dick. 

You pumped his dick in your hand fast to get the job done even quicker and put your mouth back in, so he won’t make a mess in the archive. He searched your face for permission and you nodded.

“So close. So close! So CLOS—” Jay didn't get to complete his sentence before you felt the hot ropes of his cum shooting down your throat. He slowly let his hand down on his face, breathing loudly and freely after the overwhelming high he just had. 

“I’ve never cummed this fast in my whole life.” 

You got up and as you were doing it, you pulled his pants up to his waist and buckled his belt. “Write it on your records list then.” You smirked and wiped your mouth with the side of your hand as you stared at his eyes, making him blink a few times and gulp loudly. Without a word you grabbed your files and phone from the floor and started walking towards the exit, until you realized Jay was still standing there. 

“Jay!” You shouted. “We are already late, c’mon.” 

He shook his head to the sides to get his senses back to himself and mouthed a ‘wow!’ before running after you. 

*

Jackson assigned 4 attorneys (including you and Jay) along with Heeseung and Jake and two interns, Chaewon and Ryujin to attend a conference in a different city. He said you and Jay will make nice contacts there and the others might learn something new. 

Of course Jay’s first thought was going on a trip with you but he kept forgetting the fact that you were keeping this secret and also, you weren’t his girlfriend. He get to kiss you and fuck you but he was never going to get to call you his girlfriend. 

Jay was craving a relationship for a long time now and had to accept this, he did like you. He wasn’t sure if it was just his sexual relationship he had with you or was he actually developing some feelings for you. 

On the other hand, Ryujin really seemed interested in him and he used to like her, but now he was confused. He could have chosen to be with her and solve all his problems but he didn’t want to lose what he had with you. 

He didn’t want to lose you at all. 

On the plane, the seats were taken randomly so you were seated next to Heeseung, which Jay confessed that he was interested in you and for his chance, Ryujin was sitting next to him. 

He couldn’t find anything to talk about with her. He remembered the first night you and him had sex, how the conversation just flowed effortlessly. Ryujin was talking to him about stuff she was interested in and the music she listened to but Jay couldn’t relate. He decided he lost his interest for her over these few months and he had only one woman in his dreams.

Meanwhile, seated next to Heeseung, he was making you laugh a lot, he was naturally funny. He told you about his funny moments he had with Jake in the firm and some hilarious gossip he heard about Jackson. You were now sure Jay wasn’t lying when he said Heeseung was into you. Being an attorney came with some gifts that you earn with experience over time. The way Heeseung leaned into you, made eye contact as he spoke about something and stared directly to your lips when you talked made it clear for you. His body language was speaking to you. 

You acted like you were stretching to check out what Jay was up to and saw him listening to some bullshit Ryujin was telling. He tried to seem interested or you wanted to believe that he was uninterested as she showed some pictures from her camera roll to him. 

You froze when your eyes met, it tickled your stomach catching his pretty eyes looking at you. He faintly smiled at you before turning his attention back

to Ryujin, who kept showing pictures to him. 

Jay was jealous that you were laughing at everything Heeseung said, but he was unaware of your feelings that were matching his. 

You also only had him in your mind. 

*

When you checked into your hotels it was already midnight, so everyone went to their rooms to sleep. In the elevator Heeseung asked what your room number is which made Jay’s blood boil, why the fuck he needed that information. 

He stormed out of the elevator, obviously jealous, side eyeing you as you unlocked your door, Heeseung wishing you a goodnight, opening his own door as well. 

You and Jay were in single rooms and Heeseung and Jake and the girls were in two seperate rooms. 

Once you got in your room, you immediately got naked to hop in the shower and take a looong one since flying always tired you a lot. As the hot water caressed your skin, you were thinking about Jay and being worried about Ryujin and him going out to have some drinks. Uneasy feeling took over your body as you were shampooing your hair. 

Meanwhile Jay in his room, changed into comfortable clothes, stared at the ceiling, with a frown on his face. He was visualizing the way he would burn the contract in front of your face after you fuck Heeseung. 

What if you invite Heeseung to your room instead of him? What if you fall in love with him and leave the firm to be with him and leave Jay all alone there? 

He put his pillow on his face and screamed into it. 

Since there were no messages or calls from you, he tried to sleep. 

*

After your one hour long shower, you opened your suitcase and found your baby blue pj set. You gathered yourself in lotion and light perfume before you picked up your phone and laid on your bed. 

No texts from Jay. 

‘Was he with Ryujin?’ was your first thought, sending shivers down your spine. You felt like you needed to text him. 

You opened your chat with him, which consisted of messages of ‘are you coming’s? and ‘i’m on my ways’.

—“do you wanna come over to my room? 🤧” you typed and hit send. 

You bit your lip as you tapped your phone screen with your nails, getting impatient. You just wanted Jay next to you since the day you fucked for the first time. It was like his pheromones were just a magnet to yours and you couldn’t get enough of him. 

Now you wanted him to ruin the shower you took for an hour. 

But now, you were feeling sad, thinking if he feels the same way. Were you being a crazy bitch and had the urge to lick him all over when it felt the same as masturbating to him. 

No feelings and just using each other to satisfy your needs was what you had in your agreement after all.

You wanted to unsent. Your overthinking was getting over you, thinking if you were being too needy. 

Thank god your cloud of thoughts were interrupted when you heard knocks on your hotel door. You got up, side eyed yourself in the mirror quickly, your baby blue silk pj set looking so cute and sexy. Your hair is silky smooth resting on your shoulders and you made sure you smelled like cozy notes of vanilla for extra spice. 

“Hi Ja—”

You couldn’t finish your greeting when Jay's both hands cupped your face in a forceful way, smashing his lips to yours and kicking your room door with the back of his boot. The muffled sounds came from your mouths as he pushed you to the wall and caged your body. Your hands immediately went under his simple black t-shirt, feeling the slight lines of his abs. 

“I thought you were getting laid with Heeseung.” He confessed, kissing your jaw and then biting down your neck to make you feel his frustration. You were shocked with what he said and couldn’t reason it, was this because you sat next to him on the plane?

“Why would I fuck Heeseung, we signed an agreement…” 

You grabbed the top of Jay’s silky black hair in an aggressive way, making his hazy eyes stare at you. He was so lost at your sudden movement and the dumbfounded expression was on his face when your eyes met. 

“Are YOU fucking someone behind me?” You fired your question, your face came closer to his out of frustration and your noses bumped to each other.

Jay swore he had butterflies in his stomach. You were so cute when you looked at him like that, thinking you were looking intimidating but you looked like a little angry kitten to him. He couldn’t help himself and leaned down, bumped your noses together in the softest way before kissing the tip of it. The way you gulped was so loud, it was embarrassing. 

“I am loyal to our agreement as well.” He said, putting his hand on the wall to lean to you. You looked down feeling ashamed now, it sounded so desperate like you were jealous of him. You weren’t jealous of him… You just didn’t want stds, or lose this connection you have with him when he moves on and falls in love with some other girl. You were obviously feeling intimidated since Ryujin announced she was leaving the firm. 

“Why are you not making a move on Ryujin?” You suddenly asked, still looking down. “You know… if you want to ask her out, we can end this.” You pointed between your chests. 

Your suggestion made him chuckle and gave him a relief after he understood you were obviously jealous, just like he was of Heeseung. He didn’t give a damn fuck about Ryujin when you stand in front of him in your baby blue set, and your eyes looking up at him worriedly. 

To Jay, your body, your scent, the way your fingers touch him, the way your tongue feels on his body, the way your walls wrap around him everytime he fucks you was all he could think 24/7. 

“Fuck Ryujin, and fuck Heeseung.” he sighed. “I only care about us.” 

Us... What did ‘us’ mean? Two work friends, (formerly hated each other) fucking each other whenever they have a chance? What an amazing bond, you thought. 

You’ve come to a realization that you knew every detail of Jay's body but you didn’t even know his favorite color. You knew what position he liked the most, but you didn’t know anything about his childhood. 

You didn’t want to fixate on the word us. 

Jay and you dating was impossible. As long as you worked at WANG, best thing you could do was having sex like this. A relationship was not in the books for you two. 

You have to keep Jay your dirty little secret, forever. 

“Jay…” you sighed, pulling him to your lips from the nape of his neck. “I need you.” 

Jay smiled to himself as he grabbed you from under your thighs and lifted you up. “I was waiting for you to say that.” 

You giggled into his mouth as he never broke the kiss and put you down onto your bed. He leaned over your body, the craving is finally being satisfied. you wrapped your legs around his waist even tighter as he held your face between his hands.

“Tell me what you want, I am at your service.” 

“I just want your cock, no foreplay.” Your hands went to his jeans to unbuckle his belt quickly. you were getting eager every second. Jay kicked down his jeans from his legs and threw them to the floor, before he leaned back he also got rid of his top in a swift way. You supported yourself on your elbows as you traced his v line. 

“No foreplay? Are you sure?” He asked, playing with the strap of your pj top. 

You pulled his face to yours to start making out again. “Some more kissing-uhm.” Jay's lips felt so soft on yours, sucking on them and even biting them was pure ecstasy. His arm wasn’t supporting himself, he was basically laying on top of you as you kissed, your fingertips trailed down his back until they came to the elastics of his underwear. 

With one strong move you pushed Jay away and rolled over to get on top of him, not losing any time before you started sucking on his neck. He was letting out heavenly moans, you thought you might cum to the sinful noises he was making. your tongue pressed flat on his neck before you suck on it and then gave kitten licks all the way to his jaw. 

You took off your top in a slow motion for him, your boobs bouncing as the material hit them. You swore you felt Jay's cock stirring under your thigh. then you stand on your knees, pulling your shorts down erotically, letting out moans as you did so. 

“God, y/n. What are you doing to me?” 

Jay's fingers pinched your nipples as you got rid of all the clothing you have, straddling him bare. He loved your body, he loved every bit of you, every detail of you was perfect to him. 

You rubbed your cunt against his clothed dick, both of you letting out a loud moan. He was so painfully hard, the friction you felt was amazing. 

“Jay, can I cum like this?” You asked, giving him puppy eyes. “Can I use you like this, Jay?” 

Jay was losing his mind. He wanted you to use him, spend him. Oh god, only if you knew how fucking heavenly you looked on top of him as you rubbed your cunt against him, asking to cum like that. 

“Fuck.” he rolled his eyes as you frantically started to rub yourself on him, when you gave him your hands to hold, Jay intertwined your fingers before kissing the side of your hand. His underwear was getting tight on his crotch now and he felt he was going to make a mess in seconds if you kept doing this.

Jay felt the knot in his stomach getting loose, he had to do something, he couldn’t just cum in his pants when he let you grind on him like that. He couldn’t believe he was going to cum before you. 

“Sit on my face.” He commanded. “or sit on my dick for fuck’s sake, I am so close.” 

You chuckled at his desperation. Although you would enjoy watching him cum in his underwear and make a mess, it was way too early and you wanted to feel him more. 

“It's okay Jay.” you smiled as you tugged down his boxers to his knees. His boner slipped out of his boxers the moment you pulled them down, your mouth watered at the sight. 

“Oh Jay…” you moaned. “Fuck, you look so fucking good right now.” You complimented him. You took his length in your hand and stroked him slowly as you spread his pre cum all over him. “Be a good boy and tell me where I can find a condom.”

“My back pocket—ah. fuck. my jeans.” He spoke out, having trouble breathing at this point. You gave a kiss to his lower stomach which made him shiver and his cock throb. 

“Wait for me.” 

You quickly got out of bed to look on the floor for Jay's jeans. As you tried to find a foil packet quickly you felt your fingers shaking. He was making you feel nervous and you couldn’t help it. 

Jay supported himself on his elbow as his other hand lazily stroked himself up and down and he watched you find the condom packet. “There.” You whispered to yourself and immediately put your knee on the bed to go back to your needy colleague. You slapped Jay's hand with one hand as the other brought the packet to your teeth, professionally tearing it apart. 

Jay's heart dropped as he watched you spitting the piece of foil to the floor. It was somehow nasty and unexpected from you. He realized himself blinking at you and salivating.

You carefully put the condom on Jay, making him hiss. The way your delicate fingers runned up and down as a little tease, made him impatiently slap his thigh now. “C’mon darling, don’t make me wait.” 

You followed his order as you aligned him with your dripping cunt and easily sunk down until your clit touched his pubic one. Both of you let out a moan of satisfaction in harmony. 

“So tight, so wet… you are so fucking amazing.” Jay's eyes rolled back. At first your hips started with grinding motions, feeling his outline hitting every spot inside your walls and his tip already pushing up your g spot. 

“I don’t think I will ever get used to how big you are, fuck.” You huffed. You wanted to bounce on his cock, go crazy and wild on him but you knew you would end up bruising your insides. And if you walk funny tomorrow, everyone would understand what happened the previous night.

You pressed your forehead to his as you kept swaying your hips, finding a nice rhythm that both of you enjoy. 

“Believe me I would like to ride you better, but we have a conference tomorrow to attend.” 

Jay's hands guided your hips, “Being inside of you is more than enough, darling.” He searched up your face to see if you could answer him. When he realized you were focused on grinding and kissing his temple he continued.

“I will fuck you slowly and passionately like this, if that’s what my girl wants.” 

Your hips stopped moving. His girl??? What was he saying to you? Was he aware or was he just playing along to set the mood? Were you really his girl like, as his friend you could still be his girl, right? Did he mean it romantically? Was Jay falling for you? 

“What's wrong?” Jay pouted against your lips. You shook your head like it was nothing. You didn’t want him to feel that you were overthinking. 

“Sorry, just a cramp.” You mumbled before you got back to your slow rhythm you set earlier. Jay hummed as he kissed you again. your tits were rubbing up and down his upper body as you fucked. This felt so good, so intimate. 

This felt like a sex that couples in love would have. Jay's hands were running all over your body, his lips were kissing your lips, your jaw, your neck and forehead basically anywhere he can reach from the position he is at. your hands were tangled up in his hair, massaging his scalp and tugging on his hair as you were getting closer to your high every second.

Jay felt you clenching down on him, the way you felt like velvet even with the condom, he could have only imagined how your tightness would feel bare. Every bit of your skin was touching each other except the part that was covered with the stupid piece of plastic he hated the most. 

He imagined about how he would fuck you if you were his girlfriend, he would tell that he loves you right at this moment, when his girlfriend is breathless from the amount of kisses and her thighs sore from riding him for so long. 

He decided to fuck you all night. because why not? It was everything to him having you on top and seeing you trying to get off on his dick in slow motion, it made him sleepy and calm. The pleasure mounting on his lower abdomen sometimes halted, which he loved, the more he was inside of you, the happier he felt. 

“Do you wanna cum?” 

Jay nodded his head to the sides. “No.” 

You bit down on his sharp jawline before you left little soothing kisses on the area. “No?” You asked in curiosity, you expected him to say otherwise. 

“You feel so good, I don't want this to end.” He pouted. His face made you let out a giggle. You pinched his cheek and nodded. 

“Okay, but change positions? My thighs are kind of hurting.” you said as you pushed his sweaty pieces of hair out of his forehead. Jay nodded and made both of you lay on your sides, facing each other, keeping your bodies connected. 

You pressed your chest to his again and threw your leg over his hip, he slid even deeper and with the emotion of pain painting your face Jay kissed your forehead. 

He was balls deep inside of you now. 

“Feeling good?” 

You nodded your head as you held onto Jay's shoulders, Jay held your ass in the meantime to make it easier to move. 

Your bodies naturally find their rhythm again. It felt so good, so natural. His beautiful sparkling eyes as they stared at yours, his lips parted slightly to let out sinful moans for you to hear. his cheeks had a rosy tint from the heat, and his scent was raised around you, wrapping you in some form of safety and comfort. 

Were you really falling for him? Why were you having such intimate sex with your fuck buddy and staring at his eyes like you were fucking your husband on your first night. 

A wave of thoughts took over you and the control of your body. You got scared of your feelings, you knew what was happening to you and if you kept on doing this, you would be so lost and confused after. 

The way you flipped Jay on his back again was so sudden, his almost closing eyes snapped open to your action. His head hit the bed harshly before you put your hands down on his abs, as you frantically started to bounce on his dick. You let your head fall down from the pain and pleasure mixing in your body. 

You knew Jay was surprised so you blurbed out. “I changed my mind.” 

When he looked down at the point where you bodies connected his eyes rolled, you were fucking yourself hard on him, his heart felt like it could stop. He didn’t want you to hurt yourself, he loved fucking you both ways whether it was hardcore or soft. 

“What about the conference tomorrow?” He breathed out between moans, he swore he was just two seconds away from cumming. 

“I don't care.” 

Walking funny and fucking up the conference was okay. You knew you could recover from it. 

But falling in love with your co-worker that you can never be together with? That you refused to do. That you were so scared of but knew was inevitable.

*

On your way home, you and Jay were seated next to each other on the plane. the conference went well, thankfully you weren’t limping or anything after what happened the night before. Now you were sleepy and again, Jay being next to you enveloped you with an indescribable comfort. 

You glanced at him, his eyes were closed as his cheek rested on his palm. 

Your heart’s beating was irregular these days whenever you looked at him, he was making you feel some type of way that you’ve never experienced before. 

Your connection was something rare. Was it worth risking your job though?

After checking out everyone and seeing they are asleep, you sneaked your hand to his lap to hold his free hand. 

He mumbled as his eyes were still closed. “Someone might see.” 

“Everyone's asleep.” You assured him. Jay smiled and squeezed your hand in his. “Gimme a kiss then.” 

You snorted and bumped your shoulder to his. “That, I can't do.” Jay pouted at your words. When he pouted like that, you couldn’t hold yourself and pulled him into a chaste kiss from the side of his neck. 

His lips closed on yours, they always felt so soft. Your lips stayed pressed into each other for a few seconds, as your eyes were closed, enjoying each other’s presence out in public for the first time. 

It felt so fucking good, you both felt the butterflies in your stomach. 

Jay broke the kiss, his eyes scanned the seats around you to see if everyone’s still sleeping before leaning in and kissing you one more time. 

You licked your lips in a satisfied way, making him chuckle. 

There was a silence as you stared at each other lovingly with a stupid smile plastered on both of your faces. 

Just by looking at each other’s eyes, you swore you telepathically communicated.

You both knew your connection wasn’t just sex and there were feelings involved and you needed to make a decision about it when you get back home. 

*

After landing safely, you messaged Jay instead of talking to him, because you felt Heeseung's eyes on you. The last thing you wanted was to find others that you had some sort of relationship with Jay. 

—“take a different taxi and come to my place?🥺” 

You were sitting on your suitcase as you all waited for a drive and you shifted when you heard Jay's giggle, then the typing sounds coming from his phone.

—“already missing my cute little butt?🥺” 

You bite the inside of your cheek as a wave of embarrassment washed over your body. You quickly started typing back. 

—“no, we need to talk. but yes, i also missed your cute little butt. 😒” 

Jay smiled.

—“i'll be there, darling.”

Your heart flipped inside your chest, seeing your nickname on the screen. You caught him staring at you when you met his gaze, smiling as you put your phone to your bag. 

“This is our ride guys, we are all going in the same direction!” Jake yelled, pointing at the girls as they all got in the car. 

You felt Heeseung sneaking up behind your back, and gently tapping your arm. “I can give you a ride if you want y/n.” 

You kindly smiled. “I already called a cab— oh it’s here!” you showed the taxi parking in front of the gate. 

“Oh okay, then. see you at the office tomorrow.” he waved at you as you got in. You spotted Jay through your windows. He only winked at you before you saw him getting on the other cab that stopped behind yours. 

*

After you got home, you changed into something comfortable quickly since Jay was only 2 minutes away from you. When your doorbell rang, you found a Jay 

Park leaned against your door frame, looking as boyfriend as ever. 

“Hi.” You beamed at him, tilting your head at the sight. You gave him your hands for him to come inside before you pulled him in a hug. 

Jay sighed at the warmth of your body hugging him. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, you stayed like that for a while before you took his hand and dragged him to your living room. 

“So, I wanted to talk with you.” You started. Jay looked at you curiously but kind of guessing what were you going to say. He already knew how he felt.

You cleared your throat. “I feel things that I am not supposed to feel when I am with you, and it scares me.” You confessed, looking at your lap and playing with your fingers. 

“I love my job but I also…” The words almost spilled from your mouth before you stopped yourself. 

“You can’t decide between your job and me.” He said. 

It sounded so cruel when he worded like that, you saw the pain in his eyes. You wish there was a way out of this without hurting each other or risking your careers. 

“If you want to leave and date someone, it is okay.” You said, wishing deeply from your heart that he would say no. What would you do if he stands up and leaves you there like that? How were you supposed to be next to someone you are deeply in love with when they were in love with someone else. Even the thought of Jay touching someone made you feel devastated.

“I am terminating my contract.” He stared at you with glossy eyes. It felt like someone squeezed your heart inside your chest, the pain you felt was indescribable. 

When a tear dropped down your cheek and you understood it all wrong, Jay smiled and kissed away your tear, making you flutter your eyelashes. 

“Because I fell in love with you.” 

“Dating each other and falling in love is forbidden and the other has the right to terminate the contract if it happens.” 

“And I don’t care if it will cost me my job, I don’t give a fuck. I only want you. I want to be with you.” He held your face in his hands, stroking your cheeks lovingly. 

“Jay…” You said his name in shock. You couldn’t find any words to say so you kissed him, wrapping your hands around his neck. “I am in love with you too.” You finally confessed, feeling light as ever. 

“We will keep it a secret, I’ll let you be my dirty little secret forever if this is what it takes.” He talked, his lips caressed yours as he did. You tackled him on the couch, giving kisses all over his face. “I love you, I love you, I love you.” 

Jay was a giggling mess under you, he wrapped his arms around your body and pulled you to his chest. You listened to his heartbeat that felt so peaceful. 

That day Jay and you had a very long night, you let him fuck you without a condom the first time, and the second time and the third time. You both loved being connected like that, it felt so raw and intimate.

Then you talked for hours in your bed, only wrapped with your sheet, his hands all over you as you told him stories. Jay kept getting distracted because of your lips, so he stopped you midtalk to smash his lips against yours. He was so whipped for you and you felt the same way about him. Then he made you instant noodles because the activities you’ve done tired you enough, he wanted you to be full before you took a shower together. 

In the shower, he took good care of you, helped you wash yourself and gave kisses and massages to you. His hands roamed all over you, caressed your thighs and hips, his lips attacked your collarbones before he wrapped you in his arms as you just swayed under the warm water. He dried you after the shower and watched you putting on lotion when he dried his black hair with a towel, getting flashbacks of the night he first stayed over. 

Without asking you, he opened his suitcase and found a clean shirt that is way too oversized for you. He tucked the shirt over your head and then your arms, giving you the princess treatment of your life. 

You realized you were so lucky to have him.  

You patted the space next to you after he cozily tucked you in your bed.

Jay gladly lifted the covers and cuddled you, pulling your leg over his hip and pressing your face to his chest. 

“You smell so good.” You mumbled as your fingers drew patterns on his back, which made Jay feel sleepy and safe. Being in your arms was definitely his favorite thing. 

“Are you my girlfriend now?” He chuckled, placing a kiss on top of your head. 

“Seems like it.” You kissed his chest. “What are we going to do at work tomorrow?” You asked in curiosity. Were you supposed to act like you still hated each other? How were you going to stand not touching him all day when he was sitting beside you. 

“Don’t worry about work, everything will be okay.” He assured you. You just nodded, you trusted him with your whole heart. “I love you.” You mumbled against his chest for the 7th time that night. 

“I love you more, y/n. More than you can ever imagine.” 

With those words, you drifted off to sleep in your boyfriend’s arms. 

*

You opened your eyes in Jay’s embrace, his strong chest pressed against your back and his leg over yours, trapping you. His face was buried between your shoulder blades and it was so easy for you to feel his regular breathing hitting your skin. 

You laughed when you couldn’t move in his strong grip. 

“Baby?..” You caressed his arm that was over your stomach. He let out a whine. 

“Jay, we will be late for work.” You turned around in his arms, pulling him from his thigh against you even more before you leaned in and pressed a kiss on your boyfriend’s neck. 

He rolled you over and got on top, making you scream. 

“Jay!!”

“Morning sex?” 

“My god, what was in your dreams?” You slapped his chest lightly. 

“You.” 

You checked the time and calculated in how many minutes you can get a shower and have breakfast and dress up after having sex. It didn’t add up that well but, you loved your boyfriend so much. 

“I can’t say no to you.” You giggled before Jay’s fingers hooked in your panties to slide them down. He already was hard from morning, and being in Jay’s existence only was enough to make you wet. 

He took his cock out of his boxers and hugged you before he plunged into you, feeling your warm velvety walls around him without a condom. Only if you knew how heavenly you felt. 

He lazily thrusted into you, it was so funny because you had to kiss his face to prevent him closing his eyes sometimes, he was still so sleepy. 

You connected your lips in a passionate kiss as you wrapped your legs around him and made him go deeper in you. 

“I love you so much.” Jay mumbled against your lips. Then he leaned to whisper in your ear. “and I love this pretty cunt. Always tight and wet for me.” 

Your cheeks got the color of literal tomato to his dirty talk all of a sudden. But you didn’t want to be defeated by your shyness. 

“Only for you, baby.” You bit down on his bottom lip and pulled it slightly between your teeth, making Jay hiss. 

“Look at me when you cum, I wanna see that pretty face of yours.” He commanded and you were only able to nod to his words. 

After a few more thrusts, you felt his cock twitching inside of you, so you knew he was so close. When he was about to pull out to cum on your stomach, you stopped him. 

He stared at you in anticipation. 

You stared at his eyes. “I want your cum.” You talked boldly, making Jay suck on his bottom lip that you were biting a few minutes ago. 

He started giving you slow but hard thrusts, never breaking eye contact. Your rosy cheeks and little droplets of sweat forming on your forehead made you look gorgeous to him. 

You reached your high before him and looked at him as you promised, 

When Jay released his high inside of you, painting your walls with his hot cum, he didn’t even want to leave your cunt. He wanted to stay there forever. 

“I love you.” He kissed your cheek lovingly. “I love you, Jay.” You beamed at his spent face. After a moment of silence he spoke up.

“Should I pull out now orrr—“

“Lift me and take us to shower please we changed the sheets yesterday.” You bossed him and it made him laugh. 

“Whatever my girl wants.”

*

At work, you never get to kiss Jay once and it was depressing you. You were missing your boyfriend so much, especially when he was sitting next to you like a snack, going through client files with his specks on. You watched him fix his tie from time to time and roll his sleeves up. How have you never realized how hot Jay was all these years? You hated yourself for it. 

You decided to meet up in the restroom while no one was looking and Jay pulled you into a cabin from your hand, locking the door behind you. 

“Hello, gorgeous.” He trapped you between himself and the wall. “Hi.” you cackled, finally kissing him after long hours for the first time. 

He bent down to kiss your neck, inhaling your scent loudly. “I missed you so much.”

“Not being able to touch you is torture.” You pouted, caressing his lean shoulders over his shirt. When you were about to kiss again, you heard footsteps coming into the restroom. 

Jay lifted you bridal style, and shushed you so no one would understand there were two people in the cabin. 

“I swear to God, I saw it with my own eyes.” You heard Heeseung talking. 

“Man, you were probably dreaming.” This was Jake who talked back to Heeseung. 

“He was kissing her on the plane!” Heeseung whined to Jake because he wasn’t believing in him. 

You and Jay looked at each other as your hand covered your mouth in shock. You saw Jay mouthing a ‘shit’ under his breath. 

“Bro, y/n hates Jay’s guts. Is this April fools?” He laughed and Heeseung rolled his eyes at his unseriousness. 

“Watch me get Jay fired with this, then you can have a laugh.” 

You opened your mouth to yell at Heeseung but Jay was so quick to cover your mouth with his own hand, shaking his head saying you no. 

“Hmm, then you can get Jay’s position and be partners with y/n.” Jake smiled as he was checking himself in the mirror. 

Heeseung sang. “Exactly.” and he left the room. 

“Wait!!! Heeseung?? What about me then?” Jake ran after him after he realized his partner was going to leave him alone.

When Jay put you down on the floor, there was a deadly silence between you two. He put his hands on his waist before he talked. 

“You are not gonna do anything about this y/n, okay?” He taunted you very seriously, you wanted to protest so badly but you were able to see how angry he was and you didn’t want to make him even more frustrated. 

But you already set your mind about what you were going to do and no one could have stopped you about it.

You had your eyes on Heeseung all day, watching his every move. You had to go to Jackson’s office before he does and talk with him. When it was almost leaving time, you got the piece of paper from the printer and made your way to your boss’ office. 

You knocked on his door and waited for him to let you in. 

“Boss? Can we talk?” 

Jackson looked at the paper in your hand, furrowing his eyebrows. “Y/n, what’s going on? Is that-” Before he was about to finish his words, the door knocked, and Jay came in. 

“Hey, boss” He said, then his eyes met with yours.  

“Y/n? What are you doing here?” He raised his eyebrows as he stared at you and your heart felt heavy when you saw the paper he was holding in his hand. 

“Jay..?” Your eyes teared up when you realized both of you were in the room to resign to be with each other. 

“Okay can someone tell me what the fuck is going on?” 

Jay mouthed you a ‘it’s okay’ before he walked up to Jackson’s desk, putting the paper in front of him.

“Boss, I fell in love with your best lawyer.” He said smiling at you, while you couldn’t hold back your tears spilling down your cheeks. “And she deserves this job just like she deserved her first in Harvard.”  

Jackson was too stunned to speak at this point, he was so confused, because he was sure you wanted to smack down each other only a month ago. 

You wiped away your tears and protested. “No! I am resigning. Keep Jay, he loves his job.” 

“Y/n I told you to do nothing about this.” He spoke between his teeth, obviously angry because you didn’t listen to him. What was he expecting though, you were always such a trouble maker since he met you. 

“Boss, I fell in love with him first, fire me.” You crossed your arms in front of yourself, raising your one eyebrow at Jay like you were dueling him. 

Jay bit the inside of his cheek. “You did?” He pouted, fluttering his eyelashes. You turned to him. “I am pretty sure, I did.” You tilted your head. Jay first acted like he was defeated but then turned back to Jackson. 

“Lies– fire me now, Boss, I am ready.”

As Jackson was about to speak his door opened again, a beautiful woman came into his room. You literally saw Jackson’s eyes sparkling when he saw her. 

“Hey, handsome.” She walked up to him and kissed him on the lips. You blinked a few times to be sure you were seeing right. You looked at Jay, seeing his face as surprised as yours. 

“Oh am I interrupting your work?” She said, giggling shyly. 

Jackson cleared his throat before he introduced you to the woman. 

“This is Mrs. Kim, the client I made you guys study on her divorce case.” After making you work on that case, Jackson asked you to give him everything you guys have found and he went to the court instead of you and won the case. The work you did was spectacular, so it was so easy for him in the court, defending the woman he once loved. 

“I need to thank you two as well then.” She smiled at you. “Everything went so smoothly, now I am with the love of my life again.” 

You choked on your spit, excusing yourself as you turned back and coughed your lungs out. 

“So you found the love of your life because of us?” Jay asked Jackson, pointing between himself and you as he did. 

This seemed like he owed you two a big thank you. 

Again, before Jason was about to talk, the door opened again and this time Heeseung rushed in. Jay sent him a deadly look. 

“Boss, I need to talk to you about something.” He said, but then saw the woman sitting on the armrest of Jackson’s chair, and Jay’s resignation letter on his desk. An annoying smile covered his face. 

“What is going on?” 

You walked up to Heeseung and pushed him from his chest. “I know that you saw us kissing on the plane, you idiot.” 

Jackson put his head between his hands. “Were you guys publicly making out on the business trip I sent you?!” 

Heeseung got rid of your grip and runned up to Jackson’s desk. “Exactly, boss. I am volunteering for Jay’s position.” 

Jay walked up to Heeseung and grabbed him from his collar this time, “You piece of shit��“

You screamed, pulling Jay to yourself from his blazer, Jake and the girls stormed into the room since they realized something was going on. 

“Enough!” Jackson yelled, standing up from his chair, making everyone look at him. Jay let go of Heeseung’s shirt in a forceful way, making him stumble a few steps back. 

“If you guys had let me speak. Just for ONCE. You would understand what I wanted to say.” He loosened his tie out of frustration. One thing about attorneys that they loved to talk, which was their best skill that comes with their job. 

“There are no more rules.” He said silently, sitting back down like it was nothing. 

“Huh?” You raised one eyebrow at your boss. 

“You heard me. Everyone is free to date whoever.” 

“But boss—“ Heeseung tried to complain but Jackson put his hand up, silencing him. 

“The love of my life was my partner too, and if I never had the courage to date her because of some stupid rule, now she wouldn’t be standing next to me.” He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her next to his side. 

“And I am not willing to lose my best attorneys just because they love each other now.” He laughed at himself. “Maybe less bickering and more kissing would make you guys work harder, who knows?” 

A stupid smile took over your face before you looked at your boyfriend and saw his pretty eyes staring at you back. You finally got the best of both worlds. 

“Now please leave my office and get back to work.” He dismissed everyone, obviously wanting to take care of his girlfriend. 

* 

The night of the eventful day, you were over at Jay’s place for him to cook dinner for you and watch some Netflix. He made you your favorite food, and that day you found out his favorite color was purple. 

“Baby, do you remember Harvard forums, where they write loads of shit about graduates anonymously?” You asked, as Jay was laying on your lap and you played with his hair. 

“Hmm, I do of course, why?” He asked, getting more comfortable on your lap as his hand grabbed your upper leg. 

You snorted. “I swear to God, there was an entry about someone wanting us to fuck each other on our graduation day… Now I am thinking maybe they were right about us.” 

Jay giggled against your skin. “So you’re saying everyone knew we actually didn’t hate each other, we thought we did because we admired each other so badly, it hurted our egos and turned into hate.”

“Oh my god!” You slapped his shoulder. “You are right!” 

Jay laughed, “Do you wanna put an entry now?” He laid on his back to look up at you. You nodded in an eager way. 

Jay got his laptop from his room and got back on the couch with you, the movie you put on long forgotten. 

“So, what are we gonna write?” He asked, tapping his fingers on the keyboard nonchalantly. 

“Just write your worst enemy can be the person you are deeply in love with and then add our names.” You said smiling, tucking a piece of hair behind his hair. Jay turned his head and kissed your hand before he started writing what you said to him. 

That night when you were cuddled into each other and sleeping peacefully, a notification sound came from Jay’s phone, but none of you heard it because of how deep you were sleeping in each other's arms, knowing there were no obstacles holding you back from loving each other freely. 

The notification was a reply to Jay’s entry on Harvard’s forum: 

-THEY FINALLY FUCKED I CAN DIE PEACEFULLY NOW. <3

THE END.

EXTRAS: HYUNG LINE AS OLD LOVE SONGS SERIES ⍘ PUT YOUR HEAD ON MY SHOULDER (story sets in the DIRTY LITTLE SECRET universe)

#jay x reader #jay smut #enhypen fics #enhypen #jay fluff #jay fics #enhypen hard hours #enhypen smut #smut #romance #fanfiction #rivals to lowers #fwb to lovers #dirty little secret

[wakasaz]

Vet Baji

☆~Baji Keisuke x Fem!Reader

☆~ not proofread

Vet!Baji who opens up his own clinic after he graduates because he doesn't like how other vet offices treated the animal. He didn't want the animals scared, he wanted them to be happy to see him.

Vet!Baji who decides to have interviews because he realized he can't run the clinic by himself. He would ask Kazutora and Chifuyu but Chifuyu has his own career and he's scared Kazutora won't actually work just play with the animals.

Vet!Baji who get angry after every interview when he realizes the people applying don't love the animals as much as him. He can't have someone working for him who's life isn't the animals.

Vet!Baji who is about to say fuck it and call Kazutora or continue running the clinic by himself until you walk in. Freshly graduated and apply for the vet tech position.

Vet!Baji who swears you're an angel sent here just for him when he hears you talk about how much you love animals and how you volunteer at the shelter every weekend.

Vet!Baji who offers you the job on the spot. He doesn't think he will ever find anyone better for the job than you. Now he just needs a receptionist. Kazutora can probably handle that and he can play with the animals then.

Vet!Baji who always has to have you at his side even if he doesn't have you doing anything. "Just stand there and look pretty. Helps me work better"

Vet!Baji who loves how you and Kazutora get along. The clinic is filled with laughter most of the time from you and tora cracking jokes and playing with the animals. He can't help but smile

Vet!Baji who starts getting jealous of Kazutora. Not because he doesn't want you guys to be close. He loves that his friend and employee gets along but he wants to be the one making you laugh.

Vet!Baji who decides to give Kazutora the week off. "You deserve it man. You're always working so hard."

Vet!Baji who is always asking you to stay late with him to help with paperwork and the animals who have to stay. You can't expect him to do this all alone since Kazutora is off.

Vet!Baji who notices you blushing and getting flustered every time you are alone together, he gets too close, or he has to reach over you for something. He can't help but smirk.

Vet!Baji who starts letting his touch linger. When he is trying to squeeze past you his hand runs across your lower back. He apologizes for touching you but it's such a small space.

Vet!Baji who notices you being more touchy with him when you guys are working or just talking.

Vet!Baji who has you in his office helping with paperwork after hours. His coat is hung up and the sleeves of his button up shirt are rolled up. He notices you looking at his arms but he doesn't say anything.

Vet!Baji who watches you unbutton the first 3 buttons of your shirt showing off your cleavage. He's staring but if you notice you don't say anything.

Vet!Baji who walks behind your chair and bends over you with his hand on the desk when you ask about a paper you're filling out. He's just trying to help.

Vet!Baji who starts kissing down your neck, smirking when you gasp.

Vet!Baji who starts to unbutton the rest of your shirt when you tint your head to the side giving him more room to kiss and bite at.

Vet!Baji who pulls you out of your chair and lifts you by your thighs to sit you on his desk spreading your legs to get closer to you.

Vet!Baji who kisses you roughly as he finishes undressing you.

Vet!Baji who drops down to his knees while he starts to nip and lick at your thighs working his way up.

Vet!Baji who licks up your slit groaning and spreading your legs even farther apart.

Vet!Baji who eats you like he's starved. He's licking and biting. His hold on your thighs is bruising as he keeps your spread for him. He chuckles against you hearing your small gasps and moans as you try to keep quiet.

Vet!Baji who nips on your clit when he notices your hand over your mouth before he tells you to remove it. "I want to hear those beautiful sounds doll"

Vet!Baji who starts tongue fucking you as he rubs circles on your clit with his thumb. He starts to moan against you, swearing you're the best thing he's ever tasted.

Vet!Baji who has you cumming on his tongue as you pull on his hair arching your back and screaming his name. He just smirks against you as he continues to lap at your abused pussy.

Vet!Baji who stands and unbuttons his shirt as he points to the floor. "My turn now doll" He says As you drop to your knees and undo his belt.

Vet!Baji who throws his head back and groans when he feels your mouth on him.

Vet!Baji who starts bucking into your mouth not able to be still as you lick and suck on him taking him in as far as you can.

Vet!Baji who grabs your hair pulling you off him before he finishes. "Need to fuck you. Bend over the desk"

Vet!Baji who slaps your ass three times before entering you bottoming out immediately and starting at a rough pace. "Needed you so bad" He says with his head laying on your shoulder.

Vet!Baji who is holding your hips so hard you know you'll find bruises in the morning.

Vet!Baji who is moaning and cussing into your neck. He's wanted this for so long he can't control himself.

Vet!Baji who has you cumming on his cock for the third time before pulling out and finishing all over your back. His head is thrown back as he moans your name.

Vet!Baji who starts having you stay everyday after work to help with his paperwork but always ends up fucking you instead paperwork forgotten about on the floor.

Vet!Baji who has you cockwarm him when he doesn't have time to fuck you.

Vet!Baji who bragged about how good your pussy is to Kazutora and Chifuyu.

Vet!Baji who is fisting his cock in his office chair as he watches his two best friends fuck you. Kazutora is down your throat while Chifuyu is slamming into your hips. "Look at you taking them so well doll"

Vet!Baji who gets off on seeing his friend use you. He swears you are the prettiest little thing he's ever seen while you're between his friends.

Vet!Baji who has to fuck you after so his friends remember who you belong to. "I might let you fuck my friends but don't forget that you are mine"

Vet!Baji who has Kazutora distracting you with his cock as he's out looking for a ring with Chifuyu.

Vet!Baji who marries you but still shares you with his friends.

#tokyo revengers #baji keisuke #baji x reader #baji x you #baji x y/n #tokyo revengers x y/n #tokyo revengers x you #tokyo revengers x reader #baji headcanons #chifuyu x reader #kazutora x reader #♡~mazie is talking~♡ #vet baji lives rent free in my head

[chronically-ghosted]

✨ happy new year! ✨

it's not yet 2024 where i am but it is where my love @ravensmadreads is, so happy new year already enjoying january 1st!

i usually overthink around my birthday as i march towards death but you lovely people have really made me think about 2023 as it comes to a close. i feel weird talking about myself (unless im drunk and we haven't started drinking yet so hold onto your butts for that possibility), so i'm just going to say this:

You all changed my life.

there, that's it. if you read this and you think it doesn't mean you, yes it does. not a day goes by where this place, this community does not bring me joy and warmth. i hope you get that job you wanted, or you get that fur baby adoption you've been hoping for, or you get accepted to that school you wanted to, or you graduate with all the honors, or you create the thing you've always wanted to, or you get the baby you've been hoping for, or the person who makes you heart flip says i love you. i'm nervous about next year because it truly feels like a year where anything can happen 🤍

now to the fandom stuff:

i've never done a fic rec list because inevitably, i'm a fucking moron and i leave someone out. i know it hurts when i'm left out of a fic rec list so i never want to do that to anyone here. what follows is a list of fics that spoke specifically to me. the old saying goes is that you don't write fanfic for yourself, you write it for the five freaks on discord that can't write coherent sentences after you publish -- and it's true. fanfic isn't about numbers -- i would much rather write for my five freaks on my discord (where my work has deep, emotional impact for them) than try to write for a large crowd that i will never ever manage to please all at once.

my wish for you in 2024 you all find your freaks. and i hope i'm one of them.

side note: there are a couple fics not on the list because i wanted to highlight fics that i didn't see much on other end of the year rec lists. but @iamskyereads 's Compulsion should be read in graduate programs and @whatsnewalycat already knows i'm going to name my first born child after her for her Psychomanteum. yall rock my goddamn world.

so without further adieu . . . these are the fics i read this year that tickled me pink.

God is a Woman by @wheresarizona the way arizona writes max is entirely unique. i love her descriptions of how cold he is and how he doesn't breathe. i read this and had to rethink everything i ever wrote for max

the impaler by @kiwisbell the dracula x johnathan x mina vibes in this are spectacular. this is a pairing i never thought i'd see much less enjoy so thoroughly. why is older tim being seduced by a younger max so hot??

night one by @haylzcyon this is one of the first fics i read by hayley and she pretty much set the standard for all marcus pike fics moving forward. his endless patience, his flirty attitude, how he see things the reader won't admit, and then the sleeping bag -- god i'd read a thousand more fics about this dymanic

blood & tinsel by @morallyinept so if i tried to list all of my favorite jett fics, we'd be here all night. but this one stands out to me because it's so well built. the description of the vampire "trance" or "glamor" or "compulsion" without using any of those words is INCREDIBLE. plus max is face-meltingly hot in this.

the world turned on its side by @idolatrybarbie this was a surprise that came outta nowhere, but it hit me like a fucking train. bea weaves a story that sticks with you and creates a frankie that makes my entire soul sing.

heat by @wordywarriorwrites okay, listen. the beauty of fanfic is that you can have insane, animalistic smut AND literary level writing. this fic is both. i have yet to come across another frankie abo fic that makes the dynamic more than a reason for the blorbos to fuck like animals. it's so well done, there's so much love here.

in fiction @sin-djarin yall know dieter is my boy so i am VERY particular about how he is written in fic. everyone's interpretation is valid, but for dieter fics to resonate with me, there has to be this special blend of humor, kindness, dorkiness, and a sexiness you didn't expect. this fic is all of that and more.

reminiscence by @projectionistwrites this was one of the first joel fics i read and there's something about it that just . . . feels right, feels natural to Joel. there's a raw honesty to both joel and the reader that just sunk into my chest. the back and forth over the drink, the SMUT, everything is just this beautiful snapshot of two lonely people in the apocalypse.

oct' 19 x ghosts by @trulybetty another author that if i tried to choose a favorite, i simply couldn't. betty created a lovely, lovely world with this one (and the rest of the prompts for this one and her december prompts). i love fics that add a new layer to dieter and this one opened him up in a way that made him glow!

renegade by @eupheme my personal favorite brand of joel is one that comes alive between reader's thighs. more boulder than human until you bring something to the surface. and this totally captures that. im a sucker for a good qz fuck-that-verges-on-love and i adore everything about it.

Dominica by @ohforficsake if you ever need proof that notes do not reflect the quality of a fic, look no further. the language, the mastery of tension, and beauty of these descriptions are one two punches that knock me on the ass. genuinely one of my favorite frankie fics of all time.

wanna bet? by @write-and-buried i debated putting this or her celestial navigation fic on this list, but this one just tickles me. i love it when authors throw in a confident, sex-obsessed dieter now and again and this makes me howl. and the DEBAUCHERY of the statue oh my god!

give it to me @sp00kymulderr okay now to be fair, this review is entirely biased. i genuinely love gideon and all that they bring to this fandom. plus, they let me scream about dieter and then sends me dieter pictures that make me scream even louder. this fic is SO important to me. dieter here is everything i need and want: hesitant, anxious, but so madly in love. if i could wake up in one single fic every day, it'd be this one.

stepwise by @the-scandalorian i joined this fandom through din and this has been, and always will be, one of my top favorites. the evolution of din from being touch averse to LUSTING after it, it kills me. it's a oneshot but so much is accomplished in such a short time. the writing here is simply superb.

salvatore by @devilmademewriteit i came for the premise, stayed for the smut, and continued for the banter. i go back to this one all the time for inspiration with my own writing and then i get sucked in and read the whole thing through -- twice. javi drives me absolutely wild in this.

a whole new can of worms by @hier--soir i accidentally read this out of order initially, but this was just reason for me to reread it from start to finish. fwb!joel can be really hit or miss for me, and primarily because this fic sets the standard. this feels like a real joel, a joel that has lost and found loved ones all through out his life and now in jackson, he can finally relearn what it means to be a lover. so good, so fun with the banter -- and the friggin' greenhouse scene -- woof!

telltale heart @astroboots i am a SUCKER for 'frankie fixes his life' fics and this is one of the best. there are consequences for his choices in colombia, one that almost has him lose his family, and the woman he loves. this a real, genuine struggle for two people to overcome a seemingly impossible challenge in their marriage. you know the phrase, love conquers all? yeah this is that fic.

brand you in the way it counts by @charnelhouse charnel was one of the first authors i read for the pedroverse -- and i mean i READ her. i read every single one of her fics at least twice and this one always sends me over the edge. it's such an inspiration to my own writing and i keep going back to her whole body of work to be reminded i can always improve my own writing

west by @radiowallet when people want to know why fanfic matters, i want to show them this fic. it is achingly beautiful and written with a loving and gentle hand. joel is a messy, broken man but still capable, still good, still wanting to find love in this and i adore everything about this. Oneshots can be more devastating than multichapters because they end and this is one of them that drags me back to it constantly.

And to that weird little dude out of Chile who has no idea how much light he brings to the world…

Much love, Taylor 🤍

#the very last #taylor rambles #of 2023 #yall lucked out

[going-to-ikea-for-the-fries]

How about a bit of angst for the gb!141 before I hop on back on the horny train for Johanna? I'm no corrupted anon but it's something

------------------------

Simone who started wearing her hair short at a very young age, not for any aesthetic reasons, she simply kept it that way cause short hair is harder to grab. Cutting it in the tiny bathroom at home, it's choppy at best, kitchen scissors aren't made for cutting hair.

Johanna who loves her everything about herself, knowing she is that bitch. But sometimes when she looks over to Kylie during off time, there's this feeling inside her, that nobody ever will want her as a genuine partner to them simply because of the way she is. A quick fuck sure, but a romantic relationship is something she never experienced.

Kylie freshly graduated having the worst screaming match with her mother about her career choices, how she should opt for something safer, more profitable, no man would want a woman like her as a wife. They're relationship is never quite the same after, knowing that her mother is lying to relatives about Kylies job to keep some face.

Jane who wanted the picture perfect life besides her military career, getting married quickly, just to realize that maybe she isn't mother nature's favorite. She now answers all the annoying questions with a "too many people rely on me right now, going on maternity leave would be catastrophic."

Lyra why

Would you hurt us this way

That being said, I raise you a follow up:

Simone cuts her own hair bc she's afraid of someone holding scissors, straight razors, hair sheers, clippers, any sort of thing, to her head at that ONE spot she can't see because it triggers her fight or flight and fear they'll hurt her.

Johanna who becomes a barracks bunny to flee the realization that she's not girlfriend material because of how she looks, a deep rooted insecurity on being strong and a bit chubby, sometimes wider than the men around her.

Kylie who at home gets chastised for not being girly enough (her career) and at work gets chastised for being too girly (her style), who struggles on the inside with the lack of support on both sides and having trouble finding a foot to stand on when everyone seems to be shoving her off and screwing up her balance.

Jane Price who despite wanting a family and having trouble conceiving is both secretly sad ans happy about it because she's afraid of losing her credibility at work + having complications and be forced to ride a desk for the rest of her life after maternity leave ends + she fears she won't be the nurturing mother a child deserves.

#asks #moots #genderbent!141 #cod drabble #my moots are so talented

[hillbilly---man]

A list of my works on AO3

(they're all Saiki K fics at the moment but I'll add fandom categories to this post if I ever get a new interest lol)

It doesn't fit my plans; it's something I don't understand

Published July 11, 2021

Summary: Saiki is fascinated by Satou Hiroshi, and the people around him start to see that this might be more than just a platonic curiosity.

What is this feeling called love?

[Notes: Bittersweet ending. Nobody gets together. My insistence on theming these early fics after songs is pretty embarrassing now. I'm not proud of my writing here but the story is ok. I might rewrite it someday. Not bad for my first fic since like 2003 though]

Something Changed

Published August 11, 2021

Summary: Aiura wrote a letter to her soulmate the night before they were supposed to meet.

She's predicted a lot of things... how could she have gotten this one wrong?

[Notes: Another sad ending. The format of this is almost entirely an excited letter about the future Aiura imagined that would never come to pass. Not really much of a story happening here tbh]

Won't it be strange when we're all fully grown?

Published August 28, 2021 (INCOMPLETE)

Summary: With graduation quickly approaching, the psychics of PK Academy (and Akechi) worry that they'll drift apart. Luckily, they come up with an idea.

"Let's all meet up in the year 2030!"

A lot can change in a decade.

[Notes: Kind of like a psychicker class reunion where they're all adults with jobs and everything catching up. Future chapters were going to have almost a Scooby Doo vibe (with a twist reveal at the end about Aiura's husband!) I abandoned it because I posted some art and someone called my art creepy and it made the whole fic feel bad to think about. Maybe I'll get back to it someday. It's cool to see how quickly my writing improved. I was also super proud of how well I wrote Akechi's dialogue here]

Hotel Valentine

Published September 24, 2021

Summary: Toritsuka Reita is a pretty lucky guy. He somehow managed to not get expelled from PK Academy, he graduated, and he's avoided creeping on any living girls for a few months. To celebrate, the PK Psychics paid for a one-night stay in the fanciest hotel in Tokyo so Reita can creep on the ghost girl of his dreams. Pretty lucky, right?

Too bad things aren't going his way. He's being ignored by the staff, he's bored out of his mind, and he can't find the ghost girl anywhere. Some vacation, huh?

[Notes: Spoiler: Toritsuka's a ghost stuck in a nice hotel. This is based on a concept album that most of you have never heard but hear me out! It really has nothing to do with the Cibo Matto album of the same title except that the chapters are named after the songs and there are fun Easter eggs for fans of the album. Another slightly sad ending but not too bad]

Coffee & TV

Published August 27th, 2022

Summary: The new silence in her house felt heavy on Kumi's shoulders. Everything reminded her of Kumagoro... especially her grandson Kusuo, who has been coming to visit more often than ever before.

[Notes: this is my least popular finished fic and I understand why. It's about grief and the loss of a grandparent. It's about the unique pain that a psychic would have after failing to prevent that death. There's a sad twist that TBH I think I was a little too subtle with. One of my favorites]

Friendly Fire

Published January 8, 2023

Summary: Being an adult is great until the Problems start. Good grief.

30-year-old Kusuo's psychic powers have been pretty well controlled for over a decade. Why are things starting to go haywire all of a sudden?

[Notes: Friendly Fire my fucking beloved!! In this fic, Saiki gets essentially psychic multiple sclerosis and has to deal with some complicated emotions. I don't think it's a masterpiece or anything but it was cathartic to write and I'm in love with the versions of these characters that I wrote here. So much so that I'm writing a sequel just so I can write more of them. Also, FINALLY a happy ending!!]

Ramen Ikouze?

Published April 28, 2023

Summary: After being dragged to get ramen with Nendou every week, Kusuo starts to realize that it's not so bad after all.

[Notes: I love Nendou, he's so good. This fic is very cute and about their friendship. A couple of fun twists]

Saiki has Plans?

Published May 2, 2023

Summary: Saiki mentions having plans after school, and the overactive imaginations at PK Academy work themselves into a fuss trying to imagine what he could be doing.

[Notes: This fic follows around a bunch of Saiki's classmates as they gossip and snoop to find out what he's up to. It's my most popular fic for some reason]

A Bright Flash

Published May 13, 2023

Summary: Saiki develops an annoying new ability, and through some comedy series logic is forced to tell Teruhashi about it. She tries to be a good ally to her "newly psychic" crush.

[Notes: Teruhashi accidentally finds out about Saiki's new power and he's like "fine. I'm a psychic. But it's just this one power and nothing else."]

Heat Wave

Published June 6, 2023

Summary: There's a historic heat wave in Hidariwakibara, and some of our favorite PK Academy students end up running into each other while taking refuge from the hot weather.

A series of four standalone (but connected) stories taking place at the same time:

Aiura has a vision of disaster, and she and Nendou try to stop it

Yumehara gives Toritsuka some advice to improve his game

Akechi meets Teruhashi's brother

Saiki really wants some shaved ice from the kakigori stand where Mera is working

[Notes: The summary explains it well but also I weaved so many connections between the chapters (that are all happening at roughly the same time). It was also a lot of fun writing interactions between characters that didn't get much in canon. Also you can tell it was hot as hell when I wrote it because I definitely gave Saiki some kind of psychic heat intolerance lol]

Immunity

Published July 6, 2023

Summary: She didn't know why, but Kokomi was finally able to see the truth.

Why Saiki seemed to appear and disappear without explanation. Why it seemed like he always knew what she was planning. Why he wore those weird hairpins.

It was all so obvious now.

Saiki had psychic powers.

[Notes: The veil is lifted suddenly and all the truths that Saiki kept locked behind his mind control were revealed to Teruhashi. He and Aiura have a chat with her about it. Also this was the first fic of mine that an IRL friend read (to my knowledge) and his comment was something like "I don't know anything about your boy but he sounds autistic and gnc" and I took that as a fucking compliment! You know you've written Saiki right when people can see that shit from space]

The Disastrous Financial Situation of Saiki K

Published August 9, 2023 (IN PROGRESS)

Summary: Adjusting to his new limitations has been annoying, and now Kusuo (age 31) needs a car to get around.

Unfortunately, taking time off work has drained his savings.

How is he going to get the money for a car now?

[Notes: This is my sequel to Friendly Fire but it's a lot lighter in nature. 100-Yen-Man goes around doing stuff for Saiki's friends. There are mentions of his disability from Friendly Fire and it's plot relevant but I think you can catch on even if you didn't read the original. I haven't updated in a while but I am actively working on it!! A Yumehara and Makino chapter next and then a Toritsuka chapter after that. TBH this isn't my best work and it's pretty unpopular but I'm having fun and that's all that counts)

#i got my work done so as i promised.. this is my reward #this is for organization purposes and to get me thinking about the things I've written again #my fics #saiki

[iicheeze]

what if [Name] still loved Alhaitham even after the time limit and they couldn't get him to fall for them back? (talking abt this btw)

read latest chapter to understand btw

😈

(u can listen to both or just one of them they both fit this post 😇)

Dear Alhaitham,

Did you remember back when we were in college?

You know, when I confessed to you in front of the whole Akademiya and everyone started making bets about us LOLL

and when we had fun together?

When we went to the arcade, when I gave you my first non failed cooking, when we were studying together for the exams?

I know that I didn't manage to make you fall for me and that the deal is I absolutely can't interact with you for the rest of this timeline (which I find cruel tbh 😒)

But so much things have been happening to me lately and I don't know who to turn to.

First of all, my boss fired me because a co-worker framed me of leaking the company's personal files. WHICH I DON'T??? LIKE, BRO I WAS LITERALLY DOING MY JOB

fuck them anyways their pay was low as shit

second of all, kaveh confessed to me that he had loved me for years, he found out that he was in love at our high school's graduation

thinking about it thats kinda long bro how the hell 💀

third of all,

im still #)(@&sjjsmshsksk€^¢°€{

sorry about that my mug fell

anyways just ignore that its not important‼️

congratulations on your marriage with Nilou by the way

I hope your happy now

I know I got invited but I was busy back then HEHE

Kaveh can vouch for me anyways

oh yea and also

I'm gonna move out of the country

pretty sure Kaveh already told you about it but I just wanna make sure you know

I want a new start and a fresh life

I mean, I can't stay cooped up here being useless LMAO

I don't know if I'll ever come back but I'll send letters and gifts!!!!!!!!!

P. S If you read this far, you sure r bitchless and bored LMAOAOAOAOAOAOOAOAOA the alhaitham i know wouldn't read a letter this long

Lots of love

From: [Name] [Last Name]

(There's a small packet at the bottom of the letter. Open it?)

(Yes<) (No)

...

.....

........

(It's a Milk Keychain)

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #yeo talks #genshin impact x gender neutral reader #genshin impact x you #genshin impact x male reader #genshin impact x female reader #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin x male reader #genshin x female reader #genshin alhaitham x reader #genshin alhaitham #genshin angst #angst #alhaitham angst #genshin impact angst #3 months 3 days and 33 minutes series #Spotify #SoundCloud #alhaitham x reader angst #alhaitham x reader

[hell0mega]

the big fucking goddamn problem right now is that there are so many jobs that are relatively unsavory that i would absolutely do in a heartbeat if i knew i would be treated like a human by management

i LOVE customer service. i would do it my entire life if i could live off of it. i am really good at it. I'm great at deescalating and dealing with difficult customers. i like solving problems. i like making someone happy who was just upset that something went wrong. making someone's day and keeping a customer loyal by giving them a refund makes MY day in return. but hell if i can't find a job who doesn't want you to work for 12 an hour and is stingy about breaks and lunch and time off. that won't let you sit down. that makes you do work that wasn't in the job description. that guilts you when you fall ill.

I've considered being a maid or janitor. there's a rigid system and schedule in place. i get to clean and tidy. sure there will be gross things sometimes but presumably I'd have protection and all the tools i need to fix it. it would be tiring but i wouldnt have to interact with people. I'd be mostly ignored. but again, how much do they pay? how much respect from management would i really get? how much would i have to fight for when we were out of cleaning solutions or materials, and what if they told us they had to use less and less? clean faster? not worry about certain things? cut corners?

it's so frustrating. i always think of that post talking about how they just want to pick up garbage on the side of the road but no one would hire them because they had a graduate degree and "couldn't" pay them enough. all the people who would be career baristas if they could. people who love waiting tables but can't stand the expectations. people who are totally fine with working at fast food restaurants except for how often they're fucked over. it's such shit.

#mine #in my feelings about money rn

[sunmoonandeddie]

rockstar!eddie headcanons

pairing: rockstar!eddie munson x reader a/n: holy fuck i haven't written anything fandom related in so long?? also i've never really done headcanons before so let's see how writing in this format goes?? freak 1 was literally called freak 1 in the credits (he's the one that's like "over my dead body!" in the d&d scene and "we're an easy target" in the cafeteria scene) so i have decided his name is frankie!!! also, thank you to @matchamunson for letting me rant about this and get all my ideas out!!!! (also this will be continued lol)

listen eddie got the FUCCKKKKK outta hawkins as soon as he graduated

there was no way he could stand to stay in a town where half of the residents thought of him as a murderer (even if he'd been cleared of all charges) and the other half still thought of him as a freak

wayne understands. of course he does. his poor boy has been put through the wringer, and all he wanted was for his son* to be happy (and safe and alive)

*wayne is more of a father to him than his biological father ever was, okay?? and after he comes back from the upside down, he just straight up calls him dad.

so eddie loads up his van and starts driving around the country, picking up gigs where ever he could, auditioning as a backup guitarist for bands he didn't like and didn't feel right

it never felt as right as it did with corroded coffin.

which is why he drives back to hawkins for the first time since he'd graduated and asked his old bandmates to take a shot in the dark and try to make their band happen.

of fucking course they agree???

why wouldn't they??

(eddie doesn't even know how hard it is for people to say no to him because of his big dumb cute cow eyes)

he meets you somewhere on the road, your thumb held high in the air and a duffel bag at your feet

and wouldn't you know it, you were on the road, too*

*he hadn't unlocked your backstory yet, but fuck did he want to

the band finds out you're a writer and fuck, they need help because their lyric writing skills are not what they need to make it big

and of course it's cheaper to live with five people in a place than just four!!

so that's how you end up with four new best friends/roommates/employers (sorta)

you all find a three bedroom, two bath for a pretty good price.

the guys insist on you getting your own room, and then they'll all double up, insisting that it'll be the college dorm experience they never got!!!

there's a lot of working shitty jobs and playing gigs at different dive bars every night just to have to wake up early for their day jobs again for a while

sundays, though. sundays are the days that all of you specifically put that none of you are available because that's when 1. you all get to fucking relax and 2. when you work on writing songs all together and not separately

Sundays are Sacred

the Falling in Love Thing happens slowly

you and eddie just seemed to click in a special way when you first meet and you just get closer and closer as time goes on

until suddenly you're the only two awake in the living room at two in the morning, an empty pizza box off discarded to the side right along with his guitar and both of your song writing notebooks

you can't stop giggling, even when it turns to more serious topics

and suddenly eddie thinks "i wanna laugh with you for the rest of my life" and yeah, he knew he had a crush on you but holy shit, he's like... in love in love.

he doesn't even give himself time to overthink or get insecure before he's kissing you something fierce

hands (with the rings of course) holding your face like you're the most precious diamond on earth*

*to him you are

but then you two get so worried about making it weird with the rest of the guys and you refuse to let it ruin the band and the little family you've made for yourself, so you agree to take it slow

dates here and there, that usually happen because no one else was up for going for ice cream so late at night

but the scary part is

is that you two work????

at first you thought maybe it was just the honeymoon phase but then you two have been going on dates and kissing in secret for five months and it's??? amazing??

you're skeptical at first because Good Relationships Don't Happen to You and you're pretty sure you maxed out your chances when you got four best friends

but even then, it's not until three months later that eddie asks you to date him

"i thought we already were dating"

"i mean exclusively."

"you mean you want me to be your girlfriend?"

"yes. sure. whatever terminology it fucking is."

when you sit down the guys to tell them they're straight up like, "oh. was that supposed to be a secret?"

"you two aren't exactly subtle and eddie accidentally played footsie with jeff and not you just two nights ago?"

it's about a year after they get to the city that they land a gig playing every night for a popular bar where all the metal heads like to hang out

and it's paid!!!

eddie and the guys are so excited that they don't have to spend every fucking day selling their souls to capitalism!!

(they still have to sell their souls to capitalism for like two shifts a week because they do still have bills to pay)

(they do insist that you also cut back on your shifts and that you take a portion of the money they get to play every night because you're their Songwriter you are Part of the Band.)

and then it's six months after they started their cushy new gig that some hot shot recording producer happened to be in the crowd and fucking loved them.

it's not until after they release their first album and people are going crazy for them that they realize

holy shit

we're rockstars

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson headcanons #rockstar!eddie #rockstar!eddie munson

[driftwithme]

Where is my not romantic fic where Chuck and Mako join the recruitment at the same time just to find out Raleigh fucking Becket is one of their trainers.

Maybe Yancy got hurt earlier but didn't die and Raleigh got stuck on ground until they both recovered enough to pilot again??? Idk. Or maybe things were pretty good at that point and given the Becket success rate they were invited to take a brake and help train the new cadets, to pass along the experience to the future Mark-5 pilots.

In my mind it happens around 2019. Striker construction got delayed and Scott is not a criminal (or an asshole), so he's still piloting Lucky Seven with Herc. Chuck doesn't have to join at freaking 16 years old and Mako is there to play the rival part, simply because I'd enjoy greatly seeing their competitive sides fire up each other while Raleigh tries and fails to figure out what's going on.

Yancy is 24 years old, Raleigh is 21yo, Mako and Chuck are both 16yo but they'd graduate almoat with 17yo. Thry are the youngest duo to graduate at the Academy, beating Raleigh old record.

Now, 'cause I love the drama: Raleigh is there working with the Jaeger Assault Specialist instructor. In this scenario let's believe that the instructor saw the way the Beckets used improvisation to surprise attack the kaijus and convinced Pentecost to teach that too to the cadets. Somehow it worked. Pentecost is not very happy (he's pretty sure he'll have to deal with way more insubordination in the near future), but he can't deny the stats and maybe MAYBE feeling the way of the cadets in their hands would help the Beckets grow up and get their shit together.

He is both regretting it with all his will and thankful those fuckers did their job right as he watches Raleigh and Mako fall down from the sky after killing Otachi, but we're 6 years too fast.

Back at Jaeger Assault classes.

The thing is that both Mako and Chuck are kinda geniuses at that. Even from their first simulation. They were the only two to kill the respective kaiju in their first simulation. This is because 1) at this point they the rivalry is intense, 2) they're both nerds that spend the previous week watching jaeger fight videos to study the kaijus, 3) they grew up around three of the best pilots in the program.

Raleigh doesn't know any of it, of course. He hasn't meet Herc yet (Manila happens later in 2020 in this fic) and he has no way to know about Stacker history with Mako. Buuuut our loved Raleigh is a bit too blunt at this point in time, so he congratulates them, not without warning them about how that first win meant nothing in real life. So what if they are a bit ahead of the rest? Things would even out in no time. With a real kaiju you have no footage to study, no way to predict the movements of an algorithm. Impressive, but it's just the first day.

He doesn't say it in a mean way, of course. The accident that hurt Yancy changed his perception. He doesn't want the kids to get cocky like him and commit his same mistake. The instructor is actually very happy to see him talk like that and reinforces what he just said. The problem with this? He accidentally humiliated Mako and Chuck in front of the other cadets. Mako is upset and determined to prove is not only theory, but real skill and great decision making from her part. Chuck is another story; Raleigh is his enemy and he must destroy him. Aka he wants to humiliate Raleigh back and prove he is superior than any past pilot.

Bonus points is Raleigh is hella charming and equally soft in his puppy way, not at all the bragging rockstar everyone was expecting. Like yes, there's a bit of that, but he also sits with the cadets and answers their questions and makes them laugh. He tells them some embarrassing stories of him and Yancy to show them how even the active rangers have to deal with normal stuff. When he talks 'bout other pilots, he is respectuful yet sincere. He is a terrible flirt but so endearing. And he is handsome handsome, okay?

It's not a romantic fic so it leads nowhere, but Mako and Chuck have a bit starstruck even if they hate the man a little. Actually they both like Yancy the better as a friend or co-worker because he is a bit more mature. Whenever he visits Chuck and Mako almost glow with mischief. They love when Yancy makes his brother look childish, when he corrects him or makes him blush of embarrassment too.

If only Raleigh wouldn't laugh like an angel afterwards so they could enjoy their victory in peace.

Raleigh is not there for their final simulation or their graduation because Manila happens. Yancy is healthy, G. Danger is repaired and Raleigh is excited to show off all he learned training with the cadets. Scott gets badly hurt, enough to end his career, but he's alive. The Beckets made it again, Herc is grateful to no ends and while Herc appears around the bar for a while to celebrate with the rest of the teams, they talk about the possibility of not repairing Lucky Seven and straight up going for Striker with Chuck as the co-pilot.

The Beckets don't return to Kodiak Island after that. They got back to Anchorage and after some months, face Knifehead. If Yancy dies, rhen well... The story could be almost the same except everyone has history now. Or maybe Mako convinces Raleigh to stay now that they are more like friends and he keeps teaching at the Academy as Mako leads the G. Danger restoration program.

If Yancy doesn't die but he can't pilot again, the. maybe Mako joins the fight sooner with Raleigh while Yancy teaches cadets. Now, if Yancy doesn't die and can pilot, and if we say Scott can pilot too, then maybe we can get Mako and Chuck co-pilots of Striker.

It all depends.

#pacific rim #pacrim #pacific rim 2013 #pacrim 2013 #raleigh becket #mako mori #chuck hansen #yancy becket

[ladyriot]

Snippets from the longfic I've been tinkering with for ages and have still not made work in a way I would be happy to write. Tentative title is The Revisionist. Case-fic, angst-fest, pining galore... set after the series ends. Jane wants one last case with Maura and comes to regret it.

~~

Maura's entrance is announced by the muffled sound of heels across carpet. Jane stands from her crouch to make room for her to get close to the body.

Maura betrays almost nothing, in a professional mood that forces humanity out as best as possible because otherwise this job gets too much. But there's something about the way she's holding her mouth that means this one's getting to her, which means this is one of those times that Jane needs to put herself in the autopsy room, a distracting force so Maura won't get too in her head. It means Jane should show up on Maura's porch later and act like it's her who needs comfort tonight. 

She's hit now with a bitter strike of loss. Who's gonna take care of Maura when she's not around, someone who won't hover and worry and hug like her mother always tried to in times it would make Maura skittish to be touched by any hands but Jane's? Who would make sure Maura was okay when she didn't want to admit she wanted company, didn't want to ask and risk sounding needy? 

Jane resolves to call every night, no matter what, be ready to switch to video at the slightest hitch in a voice, as Maura takes careful stock of the body. 

"I can't estimate time of death here," Maura says finally, voice measured and even. "I'll need to do the autopsy first."

Maura finally meets Jane's eyes. "Do you have an ID?"

"No," Jane says. "Nothing on her. Anything you can tell me before I canvass?"

"There should be more blood on the victim," Maura says, leaning further over the body. "Look at the spray, how none of it is on her face. The blood might've been wiped off. I'll look for traces of solvents that might've been used. If we're lucky, fibres."

"Thanks," Jane says, taking a step back. "Killer was really angry. How'd he find the calmness to clean up after himself? And why just her face? You think he knew her?"

"I can't possibly tell. I'm gonna let them get her back to the lab, okay?"

Jane nods dutifully, softening her eyes in a way Maura can read as reassurance. They've become fluent in each other. Maura gives an almost imperceptible nod of her head and walks out of the room as if unbothered.

~~

"Are you doing the autopsy tonight?"

"In the morning," Maura says. "Just an external exam for now, get everything processed."

Jane nods. "You look like something's off about it, though."

"Surgery," Maura says softly. "She has indicators of cosmetic surgery. Look at this scar under the chin. It's where chin shaving would be done. There are also indications of filler." 

"So you're upset because a stranger didn't like her face?"

"No, Jane," Maura says. "I'm upset because these scars are fresh. The swelling must have just recently gone down."

"Are you saying the killer did surgery on her?"

"You know I can't say that, Jane," Maura says. "I can tell you the technique is slightly antiquated. It wouldn't likely be done this way by a recent graduate of the last five or six years. And it's a little less precise than I'm used to seeing in medical books. It wouldn't be out of the question."

"Fuck, that's sick," Jane says. "That's deranged."

Maura doesn't even correct her language. "Dental records might help us see when her jaw was altered. And I've sent swabs of her face to check for solvent and any trace off for processing already."

~~

Maura leans against the window, remembers it's unsafe, (car safety wasn't even tested on women) and sits up straight again, rolling her skull back into the headrest. She's drained. Jane drives carefully, tapping her non-driving foot in a staccato rhythm that only makes Maura sleepier as her breaths elongate into four counts. But she doesn't want to go to bed. Her fatigue is at war with the potential loss of Jane. She swallows hard at the remembrance of Jane's words on video, wondering when she ever got the chance to record it. It'd been so sweet, and Jane had met her eyes in a way that told her it was for her. Mostly for her. It had made her stomach clench. 

Maura'd done her own video after washing the body for the autopsy the next day. Kent had returned as she was finishing and helped her put it in cold storage for them to pull out in the morning. She'd paced her office, unsure what to say and Kent had told her to say what's in her heart. But her heart just thundered a pulse of Jane's name, over and over. 

"You woke something up in me that I thought wasn't there at all. This ability to connect, to love and be loved both openly and entirely. And I love you. I am willing to speculate, just this once, that I couldn't stop if I tried." 

Maura, for the first time, was glad there was so much ambiguity in the word love. And yet still she felt transparent, felt like Kent could read it on her, see exactly how it is she loved Jane.

"How was that?" 

"Good" 

"I'm really sad." And she had felt deeply hollow. So hollow that she went and cancelled her plane ticket. She had wanted to avoid watching Jane leave by booking her trip to begin before Jane had to go. She could spare a few days witn her to not have to see her walk away from everything that held them together and that lingering… posiibility that Maura had little belief was something she felt alone.

But now they pull up to Maura's driveway. Jane shifts the car into park and Maura watches her arm flex. Her mouth goes dry with a want to ask her inside, to ask her to stay, protect her with those muscled arms. But she won't ask. 

"Thanks for driving me home," she says instead. "I was uncomfortable driving at that estimated blood alcohol content." 

"You're good, Maur," Jane says, stepping out of the car with Maura. 

They head up the stairs together and maybe Maura won't have to ask at all. Maura unlocks the door and steps in, Jane following after and locking and bolting the door. She goes off to put her kit belt in the gun safe. Watching that, how Jane still has it, makes her think. How long is Jane extending her work? It never really made sense for Jane to leave anyway. If she wanted safe, there were safe job positions in Boston. Her family was Boston, her whole life. But still, she wants to leave everything to start again, alone, somewhere new.

Part of Maura has to cover up the instinct to believe that Jane is trying to get away from her. Maybe they spent too much time together. Maybe she was limiting her from the life she actually wanted. Maybe she's noticed the way Maura just can't keep her eyes off her sometimes. 

"Are you planning to stay until this case is solved?" Maura asks lightly, trying to curb the hope from the question.

~~

Maura gets ready for bed in contemplatory silence. But then Jane knocks, dressed in pyjama pants and a tank top.

"Goodnight," Jane says.

"Come here," Maura says, her heart betraying her with its fierce beat.

She hugs Jane, lets herself be held, and the horrors of that day, slowly creeping in in the dark, finally start to blur at the edges. She breathes easier in Jane's arms. Feels so safe. 

"Can I… ?" Jane asks.

Stay. She knows that's what Jane's asking just by how soft and scared it sounds. One of the only things that scared Jane was asking for a vulnerable moment of intimacy. Maura nods against her, then exits her embrace, pulling her by the hand towards the bed and flicking up the sheets on her side as invitation while she slips into the bathroom to finish getting prepared.

Clean and moisturized and brushed, Maura slips into her own side of the bed. "Can I turn off the lights?"

"Yeah," Jane says.

Maura does. "Night, Jane."

"Goodnight."

Maura can feel Jane's fierce warmth already and it lulls her towards sleep. She knows she's going to wake up with those arms wrapped protectively around her. But they never do while she's awake.

#rizzoli and isles #rizzles #rizzoli and isles fanfiction #rizzles snippets feb 2024

[solmints-messyocdiary]

Tw: Animal death, suicide mention, blood, gore, torture mention, violent ideas

[Mismatched excerpts ripped off from Finley's Journal. The dates have been scribbled away with a black pen.]

It feels weird writing on a journal. Like something a teenager might do instead of a grown ass man who works from 9 to 5.

But I needed to destress and let it out on some pages after talking with my mother on the phone. I hate hearing her shrill voice on the other side of the receiver. The only thing she can do is complain and complain and complain about the same thing over and over again. I don't want to see that man either... I hate him more than her.

I can't handle her and to think I have to go and visit them on Thanksgiving and Christmas I feel like I am going to lose my damn head.

At least I can let things out and still practice my writing if needed, so that's a plus. I haven't had much time to update my book, and that's making me a bit sad. Hopefully, I'll be able to write a bit.

Might treat myself and go the diner to get some choco pancakes and a milkshake. Those will surely cheer me up.

Really want pancakes and milkshakes...

-

The longer I stay on this damn job, the more I feel like I am going to lose myself. I've been spacing out every 5 minutes whenever someone talks to me. It's hard. (Hehe)

I had to stay 2 more hours overtime, no pay for my hard work the 3rd time this week. I had to wake up earlier, too. I arrived around 8 instead of 9 because the computers were acting up at my workplace and needed me, the IT guy, to fix them.

Not to mention, the printer too... If I have to fistfight the printer again, or hear any of my coworkers complain, particularly Brandon, I am going to strangle them. I am really going to snap!!!

I wish their heads would just explode into a bloody mess. Just Carrie them off with my mind powers whenever I feel annoyed of them. They surely deserve that, particularly Brandon and my boss. Fuck those two. The world would be better if they didn't exists. We don't need red flags walking around the office... only me! Haha!

-

I promised myself to do it again, but alas, old habits die hard as the saying goes.

Went to the beach for a dip and found a baby bird on the sand. Ants surrounding its small body and biting pieces away to bring it to their lair. Lucky for me, I always have my camera with me. Never the one to miss a chance.

I guess I should be sad but that's how nature is.

Cruel.

I wonder how others would react if they saw my ant-bitten corpse...

-

Finished rewatching Scream 2 and...

Damn... Why is Mickey kinda...?

Like... you know? If I was a girl I'd be into him and have his poster hanging over my bedroom wall haha.

Still angry at Scream 2 for killing Randy, tho. He was my favorite.

Rented Carrie, Slaughter High, Graduation, Prom Night, for tonight. Felt a bit nostalgic for some reason. Getting shoved in a locker every tuesday really does something to a guy. Going to have a nice movie night with myself while I think of my high school times.

Totally good for my mental stability, yup!

-

I wonder how my old high school friends have been doing...

Do they remember me with disdain? Are they happy with their life? More successful? Managed to marry a nice gal or guy and have many kids together? A stable job and nice suburban house?

...

Fuck them.

-

Death still scares me.

I thought that if I forced myself to witness the worst of the worst. Every torture imaginable, researching hours and hours and hours of how a body decays, how long does it take for it to rot, shrink, turn into dust.

Live footages of people getting decapitated, stabbed, run over, split in half, drowned, squashed to death, gutted, burned alive, choked, flayed.

I'd grow out of it.

It's not that hard to look for stuff like that as long as you know where to find it and you're patient.

Will I ever be able to look at their loved ones in their eyes. Admit that I saw the last moments of their brother, mother, a cousin? The light leaving their eyes?

I thought I've become numb enough to just stare attentively, not blinking for a second.

People I know will die one day. Complete strangers, lives of theirs I will never know, are dying as I write this.

And yet, I remain wide awake. Imagining how it'll feel for my body to reach nothingness. The maggots feasting on my insides, eating away little by little. Gourging themselves on the bile and flesh and pus from my organs till they become fat, squirmy little bugs. Eating, mating, dying, rinse and repeat over and over and over again.

My skin itches thinking of it. Like they have already managed to crawl deep inside.

Even a death as boring and not spectacular like an illness terrifies me.

-

How long do I have left? Have I wasted my life? Is it too late for me?

When will I die...

-

I miss my friends from high school... some of them I've forgotten their names...

I sometimes think about Chelsea. No, I am always thinking about her...

If I contact her... will she ever forgive me?

It's too late to cry over spilt milk.

-

Seems I've been thinking about death a lot lately.

I went to go see a movie to try and fend of the feelings of dread and paranoia that have been seeping in me.

Stale popcorn, overpriced and oversized. Check.

Watered down soda. Check.

Badly directed horror film? Check.

Annoying and talkative patrons? Double check.

The blood effects weren't as cool compared to others, but at least the lead was hot even if she couldn't act to save her life.

-

Why am I even trying?

-

I made a blog.

I post all the pictures I've taken from dead animals and roadkill.

-

I feel numb.

-

I haven't been feeling real as of late. I even dared touch one of the spilt out guts of a cat behind an alleyway. I wanted to feel something. See if I was still here. I pushed my fingers in, feeling the slimy and sticky organs. It burned and I janked my hand away.

It felt surreal.

I can't feel my hands or face at times. Like they weren't even there to begin with.

-

I think I might go to a therapist.

-

I want to die...

#oc: finley madigan #final boy: finley madigan #my writing #my oc #final boy #wip #tw animal death #tw torture mention #tw gore #oc lore #angst

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Hey, Ralph.

I don’t know how to word this, but do you have any tips for learning to enjoy life again? I’m 24. Just graduated a couple months ago with a Masters. I feel stuck in my current job—not really liking the work anymore, not feeling fulfilled, not making a lot of money, not clicking with my boss. I do what my boss asks but I don’t feel supported by him and don’t see him as someone I can go to if I have a question or need help, which slows down my work. I also feel so much pressure from my parents to do well in my career. My relationship with my dad consists only of talk about my career/money and how I’m not where I need to be in life. He hates that I didn’t major/work in a STEM field or do business.

I don’t really have any interests either. I mean, I feel so burnt out from my education that I can’t even enjoy the things I used to anymore. I went straight from undergrad to masters and feel really burnt out from that. I used to love reading and writing but I can’t enjoy it without feeling like it’s an assignment. But I also find it hard to commit to learning new things now that I don’t have deadlines or guidance on it. I don’t really do much when I’m not working. And I find myself being more and more envious of friends who are having new experiences, getting prestigious jobs, and doing things I’m still afraid to do.

I hate living at home with my family and I fell into a really serious depression when I had to move home from campus at the start of the pandemic. Even though I’m an adult there are rules I have to follow. I can’t really go out or drink, and it’s pretty traditional for the whole family to live together so I feel like I’ll never be able to move out, even if I could afford it (which I’m not quite able to do yet). There’s no privacy and no peace. We can’t even get along yet no one can just move out. I feel so fucking suffocated sometimes.

I’m terrified of driving even though I have my license. I have serious social anxiety and only one friend. I find it hard to stick up for myself and am often seen as weak. I struggle to stay consistent in my search for a new job just because I’m terrified of rejection and of the interview process. I’ll start and stop but can just never stay committed. So I’m stuck.

I was in therapy but now that I graduated I no longer qualify for reduced price sessions. I also am not sure how much it really helped, but I guess I felt better when I had then vs not having them now.

Objectively, things aren’t that bad. I still have a job and savings and have somewhere to live and find joy in little things, like new music. And I’m so lucky to have a sister that is comfortable driving and takes me where I need to go. I also dream about a better life, and that makes me happy momentarily but that ends up making me sad when I begin to think how far away (or even impossible) that is for me. Seriously wishing I was a kid again.

I know you don’t know me and wouldn’t be able to fix/solve anything even if you did, but do you have any words of wisdom you can share for how to navigate tough times?

Oh anon - I'm sending you so much love. I'm sorry that you're . I'm particularly sorry about your Dad and your living situation - that is really hard.

What worries me about offering advice is it seems like your brain is using anything you could do to make your life better as something that you're failing at.

So my first bit of advice - is understand that the voice in your brain is not always telling you the truth.

For example, your brain seems to be telling you that you can only find a job if you commit to the process. That's not true. You don't have to stay committed to a job hunt to find a new job. A job hunt is much more like a lottery, than building up a particular muscle. Each application that you put in is a chance. The fact that you've put in 10 applications doesn't improve your chances on the 11th (guess how I know?). Every new job application is a new chance.

Unfortunately you can't know when the winning ticket will come up and rejection from jobs is horrific (or at least I've always found it so). Do what you can - don't set impossible standards.

Reading this - it seems to me that you're doing really well in difficult circumstances. Can you start by acknowledging that?

**********

One of the questions I have is - how much is a problem is it that you can't drive? It will really depend on where you live. In some places you can do what you fundamentally need - to do whether or not you can drive. In other places, driving is essential for independence and ability to do things. Even when it's perfectly possible to navigate the world without a car - driving can still feel like something you should be able to do. Can you unpack those feelings? Are there options to get where you want to go besides driving? In which case who cares if you can drive?

In terms of not feeling overwhelmed. I think it'd be good to consciously pick some aspects of your life that you're not working on. You can't find a new job, plan to move out, figure out how your driving anxiety and you driving can coexist and find a free therapist all at once. Start gentle. Aim to do one of those, sometimes, but make sure you don't do any of it at least one weekend a month.

It doesn't matter which one you pick - it really doesn't. It's the act of consciously not doing the others that matters.

**********

Another thing you could do is do things that are easy and do them badly. You say that you don't have the energy to learn new things. You seem to have a lot of gremlins in your brain that says you must be good at things for them to be worthwhile (not your fault).

I've done some drawing over the last few years - I'm definitely can't draw - I just do it sometimes and I feel my brain go 'I like this form of stimulation'. Or maybe buy a cheap craft kit aimed at children so you can make something (I've recently borrowed some lego off family members with children and made it and found that very satisfying). Don't push this - don't do things because you should - but think about doing something playful (google artists dates for other ideas)

*********

Finally, and this is my most concrete bit of advice - don't try to make friends - just try to do things with other people. Thinking about 'making friends' is to set yourself a task that you can't control. Make the thing you're trying to do as easy and achievable as possible.

For human contact when you're feeling isolated - the easiest thing is to go along to something that is already happening and happening regularly. This could be a class (anything that takes your fancy - as long as you won't try and be good at it), something that has some kind of purpose (plant trees or overthrow the government), or events like board game evenings. If you do something with other people regularly that will help your brain. You might make friends, or you might not, but adding things to your life (as an experiment - you don't have to stick at things you don't enjoy) is your best chance to find some joy.

*******

Some further advice that might help.

I recommend Captain Awkward - who has good advice about on what to do when it feels impossible to leave home and how to find people.

I also think Oliver Burkeman can be really good for burned out people who still want to make their life better.

Finally - it is really hard navigating this world. You are doing really well.

#I knew all the advice about how to find my people when I was in the UK #and only followed it intermittently #But when I did - the times when I went to things regularly with other people #that was good #Which is all to say - none of this is all or nothing #do what you can #and be kind to yourself

[lilminchii]

It's all alright, R.C

We meet again Part 2

“Y/n!” Sarah squealed before quickly wrapping her arms around me. “Hey Sarah,” I giggled, hugging her back, as she beamed with excitement. “We haven’t talked in forever, I swear after you and Rafe stop-” She paused randomly, with a guilty look on her face. “What?” I ask with a puzzled expression. “Yeah, what Sarah?” Rafe asks from behind me, I quickly turn around, causing me to trip over my feet. “Fuck,” I muttered, as he grabbed me, before spinning me back around, to face Sarah. “I suggest you don’t continue that sentence.” He says sternly glaring at Sarah before he looks at me as his gaze softens. “I’ll see you later, yeah?” He mutters, quickly placing a kiss on my forehead before rushing off. I turn to face Sarah, who was visibly puzzled and shocked by Rafe and I's short-lived exchange. " We made up," I smiled shyly and told her. She let out a happy shriek before engulfing me once more. " Do you plan on visiting us more often? She asks giddily, and I nod in agreement. "Of course, I also plan on staying here for the time being." She smiles brighter, as I tell her with a grin. "Come eat, kids!" Rose calls out. As Sarah and I reach the dinner table.

 As the parents chatted about how well their children were doing, I sat down between Rafe and Sarah. "So, I heard you graduated from college, Y/n. What are you planning on doing now?" Ward politely enquires. "Yeah, I did. For the time being, I'm going to try and find a job here." I smile at him, and he does the same. "She was offered a wonderful opportunity there, but she chose to turn it down to come back here. My dad glares at me while speaking through clenched teeth. "Don't worry, honey, I'm sure you'll find a great job here." Rose kindly reassures me. I fumble with my hands under the table, oblivious to the fact that Rafe was watching me. He gently took my hand and intertwined our fingers together. “You don’t have to lie to her, Rose, we all know she made the wrong decision by coming back here.” He spits, I could feel my eyes burn with tears, at his harsh words. I mumbled, "Excuse me," and then hurried to the bathroom upstairs. 

Rafe

"She's just making a scene, don't worry about her," Her father sighs. "I actually don't-" I started, but Rose interrupted me. "Rafe, why don't you go up and check on her, honey?" She offers while faking a smile at her father. I rise from my chair and nod before heading to the guest bathroom. Before knocking on the bathroom door. "Y/n, it's Rafe," I said. Though I could hear her voice, I hardly understood a word she was saying. "Can I come in?" I question. I soon hear the door lock click, before she slowly opens the door slowly, while looking down at the floor. I carefully grab her face with both of my hands and wipe away the tears that were streaming down her face. I frown at her as I embrace her tightly. We just stood there in each other's embrace because, as I remembered, she didn't like talking about her problems when she was upset; instead, she preferred physical touch. " Rafe, I can't go back there. I hated that place." She breaks the quietness. " You don't have to, Y/n," I murmur while giving her back a comforting rub. " I don't want to let him down". She began crying softly as her arms tightened around my torso. "Y/n, I know you won't let him down. He's only angry because you didn't do what he wanted. He's going to be proud when you show him how successful you can be. And we both know you're going to be successful, so don't second-guess yourself, alright?” I tell her in an attempt to comfort her. She buries her head deeper into my chest. "I really missed you, Rafe." I frown at her words. “I’m sorry, I can’t describe how much I’ve missed you Y/n.” I place a kiss on her hair.

A/n: Feel free to let me know if anyone wants to be tagged :)

@maybankslover

#outer banks #outer banks imagine #rafe cameron x you #rafe x reader #outer banks fanfiction #rafe fluff #rafe fanfiction #rafe obx #rafe cameron #rafe angst #rafe cameron angst #outerbanks #fluff #rafe x you #rafe outer banks #obx #rafe x y/n

[munson-blurbs]

Maybe an angst blurb about Eddie and his gf have officially graduated and maybe moved out together. But Eddie’s still in his immature phase and still goes to the school and plays D&D all the time and his gf is really wanting him to grow up and get a job and start focusing on life not a fantasy game. Get into a big fight about his being immature and still playing games with kids when he’s turning 21 soon etc I love your writing so much by the way

Please reblog this if it comes on your feed; Tumblr isn't showing my blog in search or tags. Thank you!

Warnings: language, angst, not a happy ending, gn!reader

WC: 711

A/N: This is sad. I'm sorry. One of my pet peeves is fics where someone messes up really badly and it's unrealistically fixed at the end, so I didn't want to do that. Pls forgive me <3

--

7:30 pm. Dinner's been on the table for 45 minutes, stone cold at this point. You would heat up your portion in the microwave and eat without him, but you've lost your appetite.

After a long week of work and classes, Friday nights should be your time to decompress. So much of your "free" time was spent poring over your notes or writing essays, wishing you could just watch TV and snuggle up with Eddie. You'd also had to pick up extra shifts lately, as Corroded Coffin's gig weren't enough for Eddie to cover his portion of the rent. Long story short, you're utterly exhausted.

At 9:00, Eddie bursts through the apartment door. "Sorry, sorry," he mutters, purposefully avoiding your glare. "The campaign went on longer than I anticipated, and then Wheeler needed a ride home because Nancy had already left for her date, so--"

"Save it," you snap, eyes welling with tears. "I'm so fucking sick and tired of this, Eddie. I cooked dinner for us, and you're lucky money's so tight, or I would've just thrown it all away." You turn to your bedroom but stop before you get there. "And do you know why money is tight?"

Eddie's eyes graze the floor, unable to meet yours. "Because I don't have a job," he mumbles under his breath.

"Yes, Eddie. Because you don't have a job. And any time that you could spend finding one, you choose to plan campaigns for a club at a school you don't even go to anymore!" You wince as you feel yourself yelling. Shouting was how your mom maintained her control over the family, and you promised not to do the same. Well, look at you now.

"They're still my friends," he offers lamely. "I thought you liked them, too."

You scoff. "Don't try that manipulative shit with me. You know I love your friends. What I don't love," you add pointedly, "is you waltzing in here at whatever time you want, missing dinner, and throwing some pathetic excuse at me, week after week."

Eddie's silent, chewing on a lock of his hair, so you continue.

"You promised me," you say, choking back a sob, "that we would be a family. Give each other the love and patience we didn't have growing up. How are we supposed to be a family if you won't even put in minimal effort to support me?"

He reaches out to take your hand, but you pull away before he can grab it. "Don't," you hiss. "Just leave me alone. Go sleep at Wayne's."

You've never kicked him out before, but you can't even bear to feel his presence right now. Your heart sinks thinking of the love and energy you've invested into this relationship: the sleepless nights helping him study so he could finally graduate, cheering him on during gigs when you really needed to crash, staying in Hawkins so he could be near his uncle when all you'd ever wanted was to hightail it out of this town.

"C-can't I just sleep on the couch?" he asks softly. "We can talk about it in the morning."

You shake your head. "No, Eddie." There's finality in your tone. "All we ever do is talk about it, but nothing changes. Until you get your shit together and start acting like an adult, I'm done. We're done."

"We're done? Are you...breaking up with me?"

You bite your bottom lip, willing your body to stop shaking. "I need an adult relationship with an adult boyfriend. I've given you countless opportunities to be what I need, and I've realized..." You take a deep breath before continuing. "I've realized that I can't make you do this for me. But I also can't run myself ragged trying to save our relationship."

Eddie's crying now, tears streaming down his face. "I fucked up so bad," he says, though you're unsure if he's talking to you or himself. "I'm so sorry." But he goes into the room and pulls out a suitcase, haphazardly throwing in an assortment of clothes.

As he leaves, dragging his bag behind him, he turns back to you. "I love you."

You just nod, and he closes the door behind him. You love him, too. But sometimes, that isn't enough.

--

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