abandonment issues but they're still in my life
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Guys you ever just wanna run away
Leave and never return
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why is every job in my town either in the care sector (that requires a car which i don't have), a prison, engineering and/or mechanics, or shops/hospitality (which i'm trying to get out of). or like, the army.
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yyyuuppppp things are getting weirddddd i had to tell nick not to mention to johnny the price of the stuff i bought him or about the hundreds of dollars i've spent on him idk why like. i just don't want jonathan to know. i think that's what's been killing me bc every time i am having a really bad day in jon and i's relationship(nearly every day now tbf) i try to swallow it because i just need to make it to the 18th without having another breakdown since that's my first therapy appointment. but then like he'll say he's been feeling great and i just for some reason can't bring myself to tell him anything. and i know this will hurt him more in the longterm but i don't know like. i feel like i'm the only person making solid efforts. and him spending all this money on nice things has been making me anxious because yes gift receiving is one of my biggest love languages but it all feels so empty
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fuck it *unfibonaccis your sequence*
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i am losing my mind over here
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So. The moon is currently in my 8H.
Not to mention Sun and Saturn, both of them are currently conjuncting my natal Saturn.
Mhmm, yeah, keep the stress coming hee haw
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How do I get out of retail? It feels like a trap. It feels like once they’ve got their craws on you they pull and pull and pull you down so that you can never escape. How the fuck am I supposed to get out of here? I don’t have time to gain more experience from and unpaid internship. I don’t have time to complete any training for a skill-based job. I want out. I want out. I want out so fucking bad and it feels like there’s absolutely no way out.
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fuck fuck fuck fuck why do I even try anymore fuck fuck fuck
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first mental breakdown of the year ✌🏻 off to a great start
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I need to just. try to reconnect to myself i think. i havent done anything to help my mental health in weeks. i need to chill, watch a movie i like, be alone away from people, take myself out and get boba or something
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i don’t think i’ve ever felt this low or defeated about myself
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The world is so dark and I feel like an island in an ocean
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