#like full warning what im about to do is NOT any sort of analysis or defence of my opinion i will just be hating on them. is that clear. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wisteria-lodge · 2 years

Text

bird primary (in the process of creating a system) + burned snake secondary

Well. I read the fifth draft of all of this. You're a Bird primary, you are, I know you don't like them, but that's because you've got a definition of Bird primary in your head that's just... wrong. I know you're not reading my analysis, but you probably are going to have to read *an* analysis at some point, so pick someone whose style you like, and have fun.

As for secondary, yeah, you're burnt. That's actually the theme of this whole submission. It's in parts, misspelled, very hard to read, and has a whole lead in about why you're not trying and why you don't even care about this anyways. And I think that's actually the point. I expect in your head, there's a bit of 'If I don't try, I can't fail.' Which is too bad really, because you're clearly smart and creative. There's good in here. If it were a little more accessible, people would read it. But you ask me to write a clear paragraph summarizing my thoughts, and that's what I'm doing.

(Oh, and all your fantasies are very Snake secondary fantasies. So I figure that's probably what's underneath everything else.)

~ Wisteria

***

Sort me submission. full Version of final Draft. EMAIL me your thoughts please.

Final Draft-Read this whole thing, as it's the last one.Warning: I jump from thought to thought v. quickly, so every sentence may be a different thing.

some stuff, pls sort me if you can but know it will be taken as a guideline. also, pls add me to ur masterlist post smwhere as an ANONYMOUS person.

also sorry but i cant be bothered with grammar or spelling or punctuation or writing full out rn so pretedn this is a text message and it should be easier to decoed, especially with abreviations and punctuation and such stuff. i am really really really really really really sorry in advance for... well i dont really know why. plus one more thing or two actually before getting to it. i dont rlly know how tmblr works, like how do we communicate, can u answer, can i see posts, etc. just a word of warning, this will. no IS a series of ramblibgs and my own thoughts and dissections of my primary and secondaries. i did read your version of sortinghouse chats but i couldnt be bothered to adjusted any of my results accordingly (sorry abt that and no offence meant, i read your article and it was pretty good; i especially liked the way you analysed the different and most common forms each primary and secondayr can take.) Anyway, getting back to it. Just one last note/thing; this is the last thing/note, i promise you: I really dislike labels (im reluctanct to say/write hate bc no one should hate anything without a lot of whys and analysing how it feels, the possible reason for the felt hate and whether there's any other way) bc i feel/think/kbow/believe that they limit who i am and any potential growth. ive categorised primaries and secondaries as which i believe are my actual ones and why and the other three houses in models 1, 2 & 3, bc i connect with all of them in some way.

Finally, let's get to it!

I was really EXTREMELY stuck on primary, until (having read 1st Tiffany Aching Discworld book recentely) and finding my most personally relatable quote from that book online smwhere in pinterest with the Slytherin label and in the sortingchat (i mimssed a word, didn't i?) smwhere i feel inclined to believe that, being the selfish leadership-aspiring and valuing cunning in my top 5 values person i am, slytherin is my primary. however, let me break this dow further. if slytherin is my primary, then i include the whole WORLD in my loyalty bc i have a such deep loyalty and duty to the Earth and everyone in it because they are MINE and i used to be rlly jealous of anyone and anything that would take away MY world but i reason myself out of it now bc thats possessive and mean and cruel and bad but on the other hand this world and planet is MINE to protect and be selfish abt, but i also (sorry abt all the rambling) think ive kicked myself out of my circle of care bc even tho the world and this planet and this environment and these species and humanity and ppl are MINE AND MY OWN TO PROTECCT AND CHERISH aAND BE COMPLETELY SELFISH ABT (but selfishneesss is bad. no ti's not. yes it is. NO. IT'S NOT. It depends ow it's used and potrayed and the entire world is mine, my planet and my selfish spaec. well except myself bc all i ever do are bad things for other ppl), i am a horrible, terrible self-centered person that also smhow have a higher, more close-knit circle that im not in bc selfishness=bad and possesseviness= evil bc ur not allowing the others freedom and choices but i want to protect MINE and be selfish abt it but it's incredibly guilty too and.. im rumbling. too much said abt this, moving on. oh wait; but i could also want so much to be this primary that im ignoring my biases of wanting to have this primary bc it i relate to tiffany's quote so much and it soundsand is kinda cool (uhh, this is rlly hard to make sense of, even for me. sorry abt that. probably not even suited for the trash can, nvm a sophisticated and heartfelt profile like yours. ) ANYWAY i also feel like a gryffindor and hufflepuff primary smtimes, but that stuff comes a bit ater. i would say hufflepuff is my primary model 1 bc fairness is one of top five values and the idea everyone has inherent value because theyre ppl is pretty true. i find that i put myself down if i base my opinions of oteh ppl on how others think of them but have no problem putting them down myself after meeting and de-humanising them. absolutely hypocrtical of me.

according to me, (but i have an insiders perspective which isnt always the most claer. and ooh random thought: well done and thanks and i really like and really appreciate how you say smth nice abt everyone, no matter orting, on ur blog), gryffindor is my primary model 2 because authenitcity and integrity are good but hard to do but i dont think or know if id drop them, just like i dont know if id drop a slytherin's values (which i rlly cannot be bothered listing agin after doing so above. and wow, thank you for letting me rant to you, random person on the internet, in so many ways and on so many topics. anyway, continuing. ) its like yeah gryffindor values are good and maybe i used to feel them rlly well but i dnot think they go 100% with who i am but deinifnetely above 81.6% (not a random number, took time to come to this deliberaion of a decimal/percentage. wow so long and not even finished primaries yet. hmm, rnadom thought: i wonder what id feel and think and how id react if i was reading my own post thing on the internet without me having written it...)

anyawas, i think im done with gryffindor and cant find anything morw to say on it. for ravenclaw its just. no. not at all.

why would you find an external morality, based on sm stupid shit (sorry for the swearing, it just came out but i can change it if u wish) smone else came up with that u havent approved or u dont feel is right and that isnt ur own ORIGINAL "THIS/THESE ARE MINE" idea. like honestly (sorry for non-understanding. ha, one of my values is understanding yet i dont even try to do it with others. ) how can you bear to do that and live with urself? im rlly curious but also extrelemy confused!!??!?!?

okay, now seconds. slytherin doesnt feel rght either but it's the one that feels the most rigth and its weird but i dont why it feels the most right when whoever is reading this is probably thininh lioin but i think i cant do anything right (let's establish early on, my opinion= cheating is bad, v bad; for example like on exams and stuff. but rule-breaking is smtimes necessary and lying is good to stop others seeing u as who u truly are or upending their perspective of you as a perfect figure but it can be bad if it stops u from facing ur issues or managing them and can also be fun- like the time i convinced smone i didnt know brands existed in cars and thought they existed only for other thisgs like clothes and shops and toys and etc and in cars they were names and it was so much fun fooling that person and i still feel slightly proud of it but HOPE TO EVERYTHING desperately THAT THEY WONT READ THIS because that would ruin it and they wudlnt trust whtever i told them after that.) Anyways, im the least observant person on the planet anyways and dont think i could improvise at all in a topic i know onthing abt so maybe rapid-fire bird but im also kindof shy and embarrased of who i am so that factor into it and i have no idea why im telling a random stranger all this stuff but anyways.

secondary model 1- ravenclaw bc i want to imrpoviesse so badly its such a vuluable skill and generally fun and good way to problem-slove but im completely terrible at it and rlly clumsy and not brave enough to actively decide that i should be my authentic self through imrpovisation or competent enough to get the joy of it and then settle into a neutral state that encourages other to assume im anything other than a snake. how did this part end up being abt a snake secondayr rather than a bird? dont know, could know if i bothered to think abt it but dont actually care enough to cotemplate the possibilitiesof reasons why. if im delving into snake, i assuem i dnnt have anything else to say abt ravenclawand its tmie to move into the next model. oh wait one last thing: i want to improvise but am horrible at it so my first plan is to find as many references as possible to the thing i want to do then mesh them together in my own version to create a plan and then improvise and change the plan and its rules based on the outcome or/and situation. and collecting and becoming slightly proficient in different hobbies and info and subjects is kind of fun but also stressful but i nice place to relax and unwind and just search up random stuff im interested in and curious abt but it's more like a coping mechnaism used quite often now.

secondary moel 2- gryffidor bc i find that most times when i dont have enough data, i tend to bluster through it and stick with my cause without backing down but unable to back it up. however ive mostly noticed this either shows as ragged persitence and gulit and sense of failure when i get smth wrong or continuing ot argue for smth, when i dont rlly believe in it or would rather get more data or would prfeer to manipulate us out of this situation but ofc mnanipulation is evil but i...i...i... i likre it and it's the best way and by extension reading each others body language and position others is evil bc it doesnt give the freedom bc im manipulating them into thiking that way but on the other hand i could be a bird bc of specific language uses such as "data" and "fist plan" above, even tho those are only two factors of it. its like i wanna be special, a chosen one but at the same time i konow am not and can never be bc im not good enough or observant enough or socially daptive enough or myself enough or soccially aware enough especially of specific sociopolitical undercurrents that influence most things (not everyone and everytihng because v.few thigs influence absolutelu EVRYTHING) or empatheic enough or clever enough or cunning enough (whats the difference bweteen clever and cunning wanyways, except for cunning having a more negative connotations/misconception?) or too blunt which i know i have to be bc... ... well i dont rlly know, or too tlkative which stops others from voiving theri opininons (and hionesty, good luck with this and sorry for dumping this mess of a text/explanation and my mess as person on you) just generally a person atl all or eeven just human, quite often feling alien.

secondary model 3- i fell like hard work is important and maybe i used to do it but ow its a no can do thing for me nucless it really REALLY important, bc theres other more important values and it would and could be good but am a terible person anyways and ... i guess i show up at things but life is more than just showing up. theres got to be a method to ur madness (and wow, ddi i rlly just say, no, write that?) life is more about taking charge behind the scenes then exploiting it for the good and making everyone see you're their best option for leadership (if it's actually true, bc smtimes it's not and there are others better suited) bc of cunning and bravery and creaitivity and compassion and empathy and logicality in one neat package, when im not being a selfish person who foolishy and mistakenly believes they can take care of all that is MINEEEE! and ive probably maade this very confusinf gor you but dont u worry its evry confusing for myself as well, actually.

tahnk you for reading this and enjoy your ilife and sorry for the absolute mess that is this piece of writing.

ohh, and please list clealry the resullts at the very end of the discussion to reiterate them, if possible bs ive noticed that u dont frequently do that on the masterlist published articles and its annoying bc i find myself having to scroll up and untagle your complicated wordings of stuff which is quite tedious and erllay annoyong smtimes. thanks for crreating this website, and i hope you have whatever dreams you want to have in your sleep tonight and that you follow your real-life ones as well.

update: from reading ur analyses of buffy world i relate to following passage sooooooooooooooooooooo much. :

"Her threat to Ben/Glory is “If she ever comes near me and mine again (but without the me, bc im not worth it but my people are my and my responsibilty alone and i will protect them and be selfish abt them and absolutelu worth it, but i dont know what to do abt it bc the world is so bug and its quite selfish to waste so much time and energy into improving it, and quite hard but. it. is MINE.) and i guess ive kinda kicked myself out??!?!)….” It’s a Loyalist primary talking. Sure Buffy talks about the Slayer destiny like it’s her Gryffindor Cause, but really she’s out there to protect her people. And when those people betray her, it’s like the ground under her feet disappears. Buffy at her lowest is the scarred-up loner from Cordelia’s “Wish” vision: a Petrified Slytherin who doesn’t “play well with others,” waiting for something to kill her. An isolated Buffy is an unhealthy Buffy, so her arc is about the way her inner circle expands. When we first meet her, priorities are self-care (good hair, pretty shoes, cute boys, a place on the cheerleading squad) and maybe her mom. Buffy starts to include the Scoobies, then the Scoobies’ people, then Dawn, until eventually she’s a general leading the Potentials. She’s on her way to deciding that the world is her people, an it’s all her responsibility. "

except im not my responsibility because.. well im a bad person who shoudnt have responsibility to or for myself, rlly.

but the people i used to be... well, most of the wre and still are better versions of me and my future will evolve me as a person until i am the person i could be. - just weird thought that i noted down bc i dont get hoew others think that when you change you remain the same person. you dont. also, its weird but, more generally, the world is in my nner circle but i have levels of relatoponships!!???!?!?? as in not worth knowing, acquitancee, interesting person/want to know/ could know/ could become best friends with because of good mix of similarities and diferences an those in my elevated inner circle that id actually trust and those in my full and complete inner circle that are all my responsibility, that i should try pushing them to improve and beetter myself and that i should protect bc they're mine. not me and mine, just mine, possesively and agressively. p.s. i should probably mention, i think both my primary and secondary are burned, whatver they are bc no primary feels completely natural or smth i should be doing (but slytherin is the closest to feeling right) and i dont think im competent in anything rlly or good at anhthing much, outside of my opinions bc the questions is now to you= how would you sort me? for more information, email me. thanks and & bye. Update: plus one more, hopefully, last thing. i feewhi dont rly know how to write this but is it possible to have the world as in my inener circle but not have all the ppl in it? like have he world itself and select ppl, bc that is what i do much more than having all the world's ppl as well as the world. the part i rlly relate to iabt tiffaniy's quote is the tuurn selfishness into a weapon thing because even tho its bad its a good and essential part of who i am that i dont want to change even tho i can and could if i wanted because selfishness as a weapon as tiffanny uses it is inerehtely extremely powerful and feels right. like inistead of blaming myself for selfishness, keep it and adjust it to who i am so it feels like it should feel. and also maybe hufflepuff mprimary model 1 bc i realise that , yse while i do relate to its fairness, i think the best way, not necessearaley the right way but the best and most practical and applicapale the way ppl will actually listen to and respond is hte hufflepuff primary and i relate to its fairness and inherant value that each person has but its like i know it's ot me but i feel pressured to make that me in a way??!?1!! if that makes sense. thanks a lot and hopefully last update. oh and if ppl not in inner circle leave i dont care (and usually when picking new friends, it means i have observed them for a while and found that i relate to most of what they do and eventually approach them and after a couple of conversations think this mine from now on no one will harm them (or if they do, i find myself thikning of how to get revenge without being caught and if theyre an important enough perosn, evetually accomplishing it. ) and if ppl in inner circle try to annoy me i mostly ignore them if im healthy and in a good place and if they attack mine or am feeling particularly bad that day, then i will call them out on it like its my cause but fairness is mine not a specific cause. bye, thanks, sorry for the many updates and enjoy ur day!!!! P.S- if i was u, I'd wait at least a day before analysing bc i may send more updates as they come into my mind and/or i experience circumstances. also, one time i was remembering the time my dance teacher taught us some history abt the dance, where the all the men soldiers were killed by the enemies and the women self-sacrificed themselves and their children so they would never be forced to go in the enemy's army but even tho i can understand that last part, i cant relate to it bc in their positino i would pretend to be loyal to the enemy and get high enough to be able to kill the metaphorical head of operations and eventually lead a resistance behind the scenes wit all the information i would have gained as a "loyal" prisoner, but that would probably not succeed bc im not a competent

enough actor or that comfortable abt putting on a mask or good enough at sensing undercurrents in social interactions so i would get captured and put to death for treason in that nacient environment and i woudnt have been able to gain revenge for mine who had all self-sacrificed or help whatever left of my people; but when my acquitance asked abt it i said it was a school history project bc i didnt want them to know that i did dancing or was at all much physically active both bc that doesnt suit my cultivated image of an academic-bookworm nd my friend isnt that physically active and bc i like my projected image is good bc it causes others to undersitame me. and idont rlly factor rules into my plans ( hmm, maybe ravenclaw smth?) or in my adjusted on the spot ones or in anth rlly, i break rules when neccessry for smth or think its unimportant compared to why i break it but i dontgo out of my way to do it. anyway thanks again and bye and so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry a gazzilion times over for breaking my promise before and not remembering to copy final version into this and rlly especially sorry or this confusing mess of a ruminating rumble turmoil, clutter, uddle an barely coherent mishmash of thoughts. Update-here was a period of three years when i trusted absoluely no one bc i thought i shouldnt trust anyone since theyre all using me and no one rlly cares anyone and i dont have anything to offee them anyway nor can i let anyone see me or be truly close to me otherwise I'll hurt them or they'll betray me or both. Then i grew curious abt what my sibling was doing woth the neighbour kids and went to see and now after five years i semi-trust them but i dontvknow how or why they care abt me or being my friends since all i can do is hurt them. And we dont interact at school so im rlly lonely there most of the time bc even tho subjects r interesting and the reading and writing and hoework/studying and irganising and other stuff i do at break is absorbing and necessary it would be awesome tk have a companion, someone i could truly open up to eventually, who sees who i am and acceprs it without pity or endorsement. and even tho ive been lycky in the neighbor friends i feel so lonely and removed and isolated and alien everywhere also and im pushing everyone away more intently than that zero-trust-period and i dont know why or how to change that but im so tired of veing lonely so i approached an acquaintance thats on "possible bff", "could make great friend" and "to become froends with somewhen because theyre interesting and have 3+ similarities ans some differences from me " lists and i thought for a whike what the best approach would be but its eight years abd i miss having friends at school and im so tired of being alone and the constant itch of loneliness that i opted for the vlunt apprtoach to see how they react and simply sat down next to them and asked if they wanted to be friends. (last time i used this tool/technique 7yrs ago, everyone on the grp stroll laughed at me when i asked and kept on looking at me with those 'oh that was so cute' glances and pitying looks so i havent been proactive in friendship-making since then.) And it is going well a couple of days later; our conversations are fun and engaging and thought provoking and meaningful and i feel close to that person, like ive weve been conversing for months instead of days even tho i smtimes think the person might hace been better of without me bc i dont know if im at all loyal rlly and truly or if i actually even contribute to the relationship at all but life was generally so much harder and more tiring and flavourless without smone i could hang out with but am u even rlly building thisrelationship for them or just me and my pathetic loneliness? Lifes so much easier and fuller and brighter with close friendships- someone there for u, hoping they stay bc they care and telling them when ur in a bad place or the days not goingvwell and u hope desperately they react... appropriately. Its just so hard to trust when u know they

could be playing or manipulating u without u even knowing and especially when, in my opinion, theres not that much of a reason to maintain a friendahip with me bc i dont thinkni count as a reason, i start to wonder and search for their true motive. Plus if im responsible for that possible friend, i might fail in that responsibility or hurr them or forget smth meaningful to them or something else worse that i cant come up with rn. today, me and that person (friend?) couldn't meet at school's break and i felt so lonely and lost. i did find them afterwards and they explained they were finishing a project but still, such a close attachment from me in that short a time period feels weird and unnatural but the attachment itself feels and is calm, joyful, interesting, happy, engaging, serene, peaceful. still kinda awkward but we're getting there.

Update- A couple of new conclusions/possibilities I could also be a burned gryffindor primary with an extremely strong slytherin model or gryffindor primary with slytheirn ideals because i find myself writing and saying "i feel this" and "I feel that way abt this" and i check to see if things feel/sound right. i could also burned ravenclaw with a strong slytherin model. burned bc of what i think abt that house but i doubt it bc it doesnt feel right or me at all. lastly i could also be burned hufflepuff bc i dehumanise whole grps of ppl but i dont like doing that and dont want to do it, so im slwly stopping bc ppl should be judged on who they are not who others perceive them as and prefer/am comfortable with a small amount of friends and a limited inner circle of humans and tho i dont rlly trust the world it is still mine and i have a responsibility towards it. and yes, i would feel slighlty guilty if i abandoned a stranger in need for a friend in need but i owe mine my loyalty and help and advice and anything i can give or do or sacrifice for them; i also know that friend well so im the one that should and will help them and i'll make time for the stranger in need later, once and if mine are compltetly 100% fine and sorted out. and if anyone ever harms my inner circle of humans that i love (platonically or/and familially), respect, admire, value, trust (tho i dont nkow when that creeped up on me, bc i shouldnt trust others; its an easy way to get hurt or betrayed) and feel responsible for, what i call my "demonic anger" comes out. i named it demonic bc it feels so fiery and dark and pitiless and blazing and mercenary and ruthless and scorching and merciless and fierce that even those who its used for their defense/protection back away and cant bear it to stay friends with me, mocking/deriding/ridiculing me in front or/and behind my back and im afraid of that scorn and jeering but also afraid of trusting and my anger but these past few days of approaching that person at school and actively deciding to choose to trust smone again... they've been heaven on earth. Final. Couple of last thoughts before stop sending updates and wait for you to email me back.

28.3.2022 today, me and that new friend asked each other the question that if your closest person was a murderer that killed 50 ppl and was now badly injured, would you leave them to bleed out? no, i said, i would try to stop the bleeding because yes justice and fairness have their neccesery situations and are all well and good but what about the preson themselves andd how well you know them and ur responsibilty and the way they depend on you for smth/smths and the selfish way that u need them too? and then take them to a hospital anonymously and stay with them and try to reform them and understand why they became a murderer and if it can be helped aand even if they keep murdering others, they must eventually realize it's wrong, correct? and i will encourage thm to stop murdering others and i might call the police but if they are treated badly, iw ill btrak them out. and i think im slowly unburning my slytherin primary bc im gradually trusting my human inner circle of 5 and those who are gradually building up to that inner circle with more quantity and more true info and more accurate info abt me but im still not completely there and generally trust must be earned from the ground up, so i dont trust others the general population. but it can also decrease from zero to negative (dehumanisation or cotmept or dislike). but i know that i dont deserve to be in my inner circle because i often hurt ppl and am not good enough for them anyyways. i want to be a gryffindor bcuz a moral compass is right and morally correct and it's what the other gender is constantly told to be so i break stereotypes if im a gryfindor primary but hufflepuff is good ecause networking is a compulsory tool for my ambitions and if iwant any of my projects to succeed and its fairness is good but unrealisitic and impractical because ti cant and shouldnt be applied equally but to those who you do the following: trust, repect, admire, feel comfortable with, can drop any and all disguises and pretenses whiel with thee, and can and do talk to them about everything including difficult topics and it's almost never awkard and you can just relax and have funu adn allow yourself to hope they wont judge or criticise or betray because if u dont take that first step they wont either, so u have to be strong and brutally honest and just take that first step in trusting smone and showing them the staircase to ur human inner circle where i would hide their crimes and try to understand why if they make it even a third of the way up that staicase and into the first level of trust as a metaphorical staircase landing with a door for them to get out of staircase if, on that first examination they'll undertake, they fail. but that landing's door will become glass through which we can peek into each other's life and knock on to answer the door if they need me for smth bc i still have a slight responsibilty to them but htey have almost nil chance of entering staircase again unless they change dramatically and dont fail a more intense but shorter series of 3+ tests bc theyll almost certainly betray/fail me again.

#submission #sortinghatchats #sortme #wisteria sorts #bird snake

11 notes · View notes

another-stark-sub · 3 years

Text

“Are you in love with him?” - Tony Stark Imagine

Notes: I wrote and editted this in two hours instead of going over my notes. Was gonna be spicy fluffy but it just turned into fluffy, and one of the lines/paragraphs (smth like that i dont remember how long that segment was) is based on/inspired by a fanfic on ao3 I bookmarked. I think it’s debt-free, but I could be wrong. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and I’m so sorry im not on here more oftennnnn

- - -

“Of course I am. He’s Tony Stark.” You sighed, a weight finally lifted off your chest. “Who isn’t in love with him?”

Bruce blinked a few times, the confusion evident on his face. “Then, why don’t you tell him?”

You scoffed. These geniuses think they know everything, but they couldn’t see what was glaringly obvious to you. “He’s Tony Stark.”

The perplexed expression didn’t disappear from your friend’s expression. So, you explained further, “It’s already a privilege, beyond that really, to be talking to you, to any Avenger. To work with any of you is an honor, and to be friends with you” -you laughed- “it shouldn’t even be possible for someone like me.”

“Don’t say that. You’re amazing, too.”

You tried to find any tick, any clue that he was lying. But Bruce seemed to really believe this. “I know I’m amazing.” You shrugged. “I’m great. I love and I care deeply, and I have a stable job. I have a place for myself, and I take care of myself.” You clicked your tongue. “However, you all, all you Avengers… Forget out of my league, more like off planet.

“And Tony? He said it himself. Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Add superhero, figurehead, public figure, ex-CEO, and savior of the universe. Bruce, I have confidence in myself, but Tony is something else entirely. No one is worthy of him or his affections unless they’re a god or another Avenger.”

It was hard to keep up with the statistical analysis you were trying to run. The literal one on your hologram and the one keeping your view of Tony in check. So, defeated, you sighed and leaned back in your chair.

Bruce closed his own work and stood across the lab bench. “Weirdly enough, I’m sure none of us Avengers think that way.” After a few taps of his pen against his palm, he added, “Aren’t there fans making posts about you, too? Tony showed me the, uh, Instagram videos.”

You laughed. “Fan edits don’t make an Avenger. Saving the world does.”

He shrugged. “You help us save the world.”

“From inside Avengers Tower on a computer.” You took a deep breath. “Look, Bruce, I appreciate what you’re trying to do. But, I’m not telling him.” You shrugged and brought your statistical analysis back up.

You knew your own worth. You were worthy of an amazing partner and person. Tony Stark, though, was easy beyond that. You had accepted it soon after you realized your own feelings, and while they haven’t dwindled, you knew it was for the best.

~ - ~

Tony had never resorted to this before. It was never a question of his ability to code. In the past, it was because he didn’t need a program or an AI to do it for him. He could always tell if someone was into him. He knew when Pepper was into him. The moment Rhodey gazed at him back in their MIT days. Every single reporter and heiress and model he slept with, he knew when their thoughts turned sexual or romantic.

You, though. With you, he couldn’t fucking tell, and he knew it was because of his own feelings. Tony felt intensely for people before. Pepper, Rhodey, that one reporter all those years ago. However, with you, it wasn’t just that fluttery feeling in his gut or the immediate smile he can’t seem to stop when he sees you. It was the comfort he felt when he heard your voice or the softness he could feel in his heart when he saw a picture of you.

It was like his entire life was full of panic, never resting, never stopping. But when you entered his life with a gentle smile and a quick wit, it felt like he could finally breathe.

It was addicting.

“Sir, I have the calculations.”

“Hit me.”

“Speech diagnostics of you and of Ms. (Y/l/n) are similar. Whenever you speak of her, 79.4% is positive and 18.8% is neutral. Ms. (Y/l/n) has 78.9% positive and 17.2% neutral dialogue regarding you. When she speaks of you, her heartrate increases by 4.6%, and similarly, yours increases by 4.1%. When speaking to each other, heartrate initially increases by 7%.”

Tony nodded. “How does this compare to other Avengers? I gush about Banner like a teenager.”

“Well, sir, while you and Ms. (Y/l/n) have high positive dialogue about other Avengers, all of them have at least a 10% decrease compared to each other. And heartrate varies depending on the topic of conversation.”

Tony snapped his fingers. “Am I excluding all non-super friends? Include any agents, co-workers. Pep isn’t an Avenger after all.”

Friday took two seconds and responded. “You and Ms. (Y/l/n) have a significant difference in speech diagnostics when talking about or to each other compared to any other Avenger, co-worker, and friend.”

When Tony remained quiet, Friday added, “Do you want me to repeat the results?”

“You don’t need to, Friday.”

“But you’re not doing anything with the new information. Would you like me to save these findings?”

“Friday,” Tony warned.

There was silence as the love-wrecked scientist pressed his fist between his brows. Data and cold hard facts said yes, but was it right?

“Sir?”

“Yes, Fri?”

“Would you like me to play examples for you?”

He blinked. “Examples?”

“Yes. Of you and her talking about each other positively.”

It was an invasion of privacy. Tony shouldn’t.

“Play examples.”

Before his rational mind could tell Friday no.

“Are you in love with him?”

Tony’s eyes widened. This was too private. It might not even be about him.”Friday-”

“Of course I am.”

“-stop playback.”

“He’s Tony Sta-”

“Playback stopped.”

Tony scrambled. “What? No, wait, go back. Play it.” Screw rational. You knew he was a narcissist. You wouldn’t expect him to hear that and stop.

“He’s Tony Stark. Who isn’t in love with him?”

“Then, why don’t you tell him?”

“... He’s Tony Stark.”

Tony started to fiddle with something on his desk. “What does that mean?”

Friday answered, “Dr. Banner asked her if she loved you, and she said yes. This means that she’s in love with you.”

Why did he program Friday like this? “I know that. I mean, those two lines. Why does me being Tony Stark stop her from saying something?” Was it the attention? Did you want some sort of normal life away from cameras and international gossip? Maybe it was the Avenging. Having a partner who was always out risking death wasn’t ideal.

Sure, you could be in love with him. But you couldn’t be with him.

“Maybe you should ask her.”

There were celebrities who were able to live normal lives. Some paid to have prosthetics for going outside of moved to a remote country to get out of the spotlight. He thrived off attention, but he could give that up. Avenging, he couldn’t give that up, but maybe he could cut back. Take a mission a month instead of one a week. Or maybe take more digital missions. He wasn’t just Iron Man after all. He was a genius, could hack into the Pentagon if he really wanted to.

“Yeah,” he said. “Maybe I could talk to her.”

~ - ~

The moment you put your bag down on your lab table, Tony said, “You’re gonna be mad.”

You narrowed your brows. “What did you do?” You pressed your palm to your chest. “Oh my god, Peter overwrote my data, didn’t he? Ugh, I know he said he’s great at managing holograms, but really, Tone, you should’ve given him a tutorial before giving him access.” You brought up your holograms to check your data and analysis.

“That’s not it.” Tony stood next to you as you looked through your files. “I did something that invaded your privacy.”

You tilted your head. Closing the holograms, you took a deep breath and slowly asked, “How?”

Tony flashed an embarrassed grin before sighing. “You’re gonna be shocked, too, so prepare yourself.”

You did not know where this was going at all. What horrible thing could Tony have done? Steeling yourself, you took a deep breath and nodded at him to continue.

Tony cleared his throat. “Usually, I can tell when someone has feelings for me. People are obvious about it, but you? You aren’t. So, I had Friday do some analysis on our speech patterns. Me, being in love with you, was one of my controls. You and your dialogue regarding me was the main variable.

“Long story short, I accessed some audio of you and Bruce talking, and you said that you loved me but could never tell me.” He glanced at you. “So that’s why I need to apologize.”

Your expression didn’t change. No, that wasn’t it. You, at first, looked confused. Now, there was just nothing. No expression. No wrinkled brow in anger of flushed cheeks in embarrassment. Nothing.

Tony blinked. “You can shout at me now. If you were confused about when to shout at me.”

You licked your lips before taking a deep breath. “Ok, that was a lot.” You pursed your lips then opened it. But, you couldn’t really think of anything to say. You didn’t even know how to feel. “So you know that I” -you pointed at yourself and then at him- “and that I didn’t wanna tell you.” You shook your head. “Wait, do you know why I didn’t want to tell you?”

A broken scoff left Tony’s lips. “Yeah. I’m a mess.”

It was your turn to scoff. “Wait, you’re a mess? That’s why you think I don’t want to tell you?”

“Among other reasons?”

Other reasons?

You crossed your arms. “Ok, what other reasons?”

Tony looked offended. Still, he listed, “I’m surrounded by cameras, and everyone wants some privacy. Can’t get it if you’re with me. Then, there’s the Iron Man of it all. I went into a wormhole with a nuke. That was also all over the news. Then, there’s the whole daddy issues thing. I’m working on it, but it takes a while-”

He rambled on and on, listing reason after reason, and with each one, you felt tears well up in your eyes. It was a weird mix of heartbreaking, confusing, and enraging. The emotions built up slowly with each word that left his mouth, overwhelming you to the point that you couldn’t even say how it happened.

But, as Tony paced and talked so horribly about himself, you somehow ended up in front of him with your hands on his cheeks.

You only realized it when Tony stopped talking and when his breath touched your lips. “What?” he asked.

You didn’t answer. You kissed him instead.

It was a hard press of your lips against his. It was short, and it wasn’t much.

But by the way Tony gripped the back of your neck and pulled you back for another kiss, you’d think it was his first kiss. You knew it wasn’t. Not just because you knew he had kissed all sorts of people before you, but because he somehow knew how to make you gasp and melt into him.

While one hand kept you steady, the other trailed down your back and pulled you closer to him. His lips moved fluidly against yours, pushing and pulling, and everytime he moved back, you chased his lips to continue the kiss, because the softness, the passion, the fact it was finally happening, was all too good. You didn’t want it to stop.

Your hands started to move. For someone so rich, his t-shirt was rough when you twisted it between your fingers and pulled it to you. Slowly, you trailed your fingers along the side of his neck. You rubbed your thumb along his pulse point, a reminder that this was indeed real. You were kissing Tony Stark, and- He was pulling away again.

Desperate, you leaned forward, reached around to hold onto his shoulder, and kissed the side of his neck.

He let out a breathy laugh, and before you could suck on his skin, his stubble scratched your cheek.

You looked up at him and giggled when his nose bumped into yours. When your giggles turned into a smile, he kissed you again, a soft and short kiss, before leaning his forehead against yours.

His thumbs rubbed circles into your waist as you lightly scratched the back of his neck. He didn’t say anything. In fact, he seemed busy gazing at you.

“Speechless, Stark?” you teased.

He laughed. For a few seconds, he just gazed at you, seeming to prove your point. Tony’s hand began to wander, from stroking your cheek to pushing back your hair. “More confused.”

Remembering why you interrupted him, you brought your hands to his cheeks again and held him there so he couldn’t look away from you. “You are amazing, Tony. That’s the reason I didn’t want to tell you.” You shrugged. “You’re too good for me.”

His fidgeting stopped. “Well, that’s not true.”

“Tony, you’re an Avenger.”

“Technically, you are also an Avenger.”

“You’re a genius.”

“Who can’t cook scrambled eggs.”

“You literally saved the universe.”

“After producing weapons of mass destruction for decades.”

You glared at him.

He glared back. Then, he fought back. “I don’t plan on retiring.”

“Wouldn’t want you to.”

“I have severe PTSD, anxiety, maybe ADHD, all mixed with trauma galore.”

“And I will learn to help you.”

“I couldn’t give you a normal life.”

“I’d rather have you anyway.”

He opened his mouth, but you instead told him, “I’d rather have you than anything. As long as, well, for as long as you’ll have me.”

He raised his eyebrow. “You sure about that?”

“Positive.”

Tony shook his head with a smile. “Cause, I’d rather have you for, well, how does til you get tired of me sound?”

You laughed. “Won’t happen. But, sure.” You kissed him again.You would’ve kept going, but there was something to settle first. “By the way, Tony?”

“Yeah?”

“Is Friday recording right now?”

“Friday records everything. It’s in the contract.”

Friday added, “I record everything that happens in the tower.”

“Ok.” You could work with that. “I’ll forgive you for the invasion of privacy.”

Tony beamed, and you couldn’t help your own smile when he did. Still, you continued, “On one condition.” Your own smile turned devious. “I want evidence that Star Spangled Banner took my ice cream.”

Tony burst out laughing. He kissed you again, a deep kiss, and when he was done, he mumbled, “God, I love you,” against your lips.

#tony stark x reader #tony stark imagine #tony stark oneshot #tony stark #mcu x reader #mcu imagine #mcu oneshot #tony stark fluff #im so sorry im not on here oftennnnnnnnnnnn #dentla schools too busy and i dont wike it #thats not true i do like it its just busy and stressful and doesnt give me time to write #and smut takes me longer to write than fluff #so i can only write fluff rnnnnnn #anyway i miss you all #love you all #hope the universe treats you welllll

288 notes · View notes

chemicalpink · 3 years

Note

BTS members's reaction to their future spouse wearing their clothes....

Disclaimer: This analysis/reading is based on my experience and knowledge of astrology, it is not meant to be the absolute truth, as BTS are real people, and astrology can only capture so much about multidimensional humans that have had past experiences and cultural approaches amongst other things, it does not have to resonate with you since this is in no way related to anyone reading it (unless you are a member of BTS in which case, get out of here lol ) This is just for entertainment purposes.Remember that tarot as a form of divination only allows us to read current energy and as time advances it becomes less accurate, so it basically reads up to a 6 months period of time, which leads me to also mention that by s/o I mean any soon to be relationship or an already established relationship, indistinct of whether they are a soulmate relationship or not. Entertainment purposes only.

Warning: contains slight mentions of smut, not explicit.

KIM SEOKJIN

he feels this sort of fondness inside of him, kinda like taking a big needed gulp of air after holding your breath for too long, this man has stars inside his eyes from watching his s/o in his clothes, can’t help but think hey, maybe they look even better on them than I do (only for a split second tho) the feeling you get all warm and fuzzy inside? that’s a given in him. Ear bright red, he might not be too much into lending his clothes on a daily but he sure as hell discovers a fondness in it. There’s also this sort of… domesticity to it, like- this man wants to feel at home and watching his s/o using something of his definitely delivers that homey feeling. Apart from all that, the quote that comes up us “you deserve love” so maybe… that impulsive need you sometimes get when you wanna wrap up something cute and squish it? That's the feeling that’s most prominent here. (5oCrx, the star, the empress oracle cards)

MIN YOONGI

now this is interesting… when watching his s/o in his clothes, Yoongi has this conflicted set of feelings, overwhelmed, mainly, he truly knows how to appreciate the cuteness behind the act but he can’t help but feel kind of undeserving of it, it seems like the action starts an overthinking spiral of yeah they’re cute and all but what they do for me is so much more than I could ever give back. He kind of feels selfish by keeping them by his side, can’t really bring himself to mutter a bigger compliment that a ‘you look nice’ don’t get him wrong, he definitely acknowledges the small act of love but he’s.. carrying so much inner baggage that he can’t really look past what the scene makes him feel. (the hermit rx, 6oS, 10oC+ oracle cards)

JUNG HOSEOK

Now… Hobi is a fashion icon okay keep this in mind. He seems to be very particular of his clothes so while he knows there are no bad intentions behind it, he kinda feels itchy at the sight. It is funny though, there’s a playful feeling of surrender as he watches his s/o wear his clothes, like ‘fine okay I won’t get as itchy just this once cause you look cute or whatever’ soft smiles and warm hearts. Although he’s not the biggest fan of the action, it definitely serves to boost his ego, makes him feel like the man in a non greasy way/non toxic way, like a reassurance that his s/o is deciding to stay by his side after all. Similar to having conflicted feeling like Yoongi but from different parts from within, sure, he can’t help but think ‘oh god please be careful with that jacket if it gets stained there’s no going back’ but at the same time watching his s/o in it softens his rough edges and makes him smile even just a little. (7oWrx, 10oS, the emperor + oracle cards)

KIM NAMJOON

This man- the absolute death of me. Kim NAmjoon enjoys a good teasing. And he can’t help but keep feeling like that is exactly what his s/o wearing his clothes entails, and man is he glad to play along. Not quite exactly sexual, but more of a sensual part of it, he’s just dying to get the clothes off. Can’t keep his hands to himself (cue that one Selena Gomez song) it flips a PDA switch on him, he feels absolutely loved to the edges, has this warm feeling inside his heart that he can’t help but wonder how he got so lucky, and honestly, it isn’t frequently when people get to see his bright sunny side so it ends up being even softer than intended, he just feels so full and bursting at the seams with happiness. (5oC, the sun, ace oC+ oracle cards)

PARK JIMIN

Error 404. Park Jimin.exe has stopped working. This man loves good dramatics in his day to day and really, there’s no stopping him when he sees his s/o in his clothes, Time stops, his heartbeat is erratic, all he wants is to be their loyal servant, personal hype man at their service. Whatever it is that he was doing before? forget that completely, he's devoted to his s/o now. He gets to experience new sides of the relationship with such a simple action, like realising that he truly is head over heels for this person. There’s just a lot of loudness in this. I meant it when I said personal hype-man, would probably even go as far as to let his s/o “shop” inside his vast clothes collection ‘yeah take this and this, these would look amazing on you’ So yeah maybe he feels a tad bit insecure that his s/o is absolutely rocking his wardrobe but he can quickly get those feelings aside if it means watching his s/o just a little bit longer being the truest model there could possibly be out there. (IM SORRY I LOST THE CARDS LMAO)

KIM TAEHYUNG

This man goes 0 to 100 real quick. And don't get me wrong, he’s pretty romantic, but seeing his s/o wear his clothes? Now that’s a switch going off very clearly. Again, not in a toxic masculine way, but Taehyung is bursting with this distinctive dominating shine when watching his s/o wear his clothes, he’s absolutely on top of the world, cloud nine, and there’s no coming back down. He’s pretty playful about it, but there’s absolutely no doubt that inside his mind those clothes are currently non-existent. It’s the final nail in the coffin, the final reassurance that his s/o is his and his only, like a reminder that he is in a relationship and he’s 100% devoted to it. It does go down the traditional relationship line of thought but he’s quite a traditional man himself, so without any ill intention behind, he would really just like to show off his s/o being cute inside his clothes, a proud feeling behind when he talks about it, like a little kid teasing his friends about getting the best candy out of them all. (the hierophant, justice, the chariot)

JEON JUNGKOOK

Okay this is about to be quite a ride. As things are right now, he doesn’t seem to have a lot of tact when it comes to lovey dovey couple stuff, this man is more of a- man of deep rooted actions and sometimes cute words sprinkled on top rather than superficial actions, he doesn’t seem to find the appeal behind his s/o wearing his clothes, at least in an intended to be romantic type of way. He finds it trendy and he might just act cold about it, it doesn’t really hold a deeper meaning to him personally. Listen, he might be the type of boyfriend to ask for his hoodies back as soon as possible. If it isn’t meant to be done in a “oh look the couple sharing clothes” way, he might find his s/o cute in them, but not overwhelmingly so like many other people do. He’s just- very particular about his possessions being his. Funny inner thought that came up ‘we can buy matching shirts just please don’t steal my clothes’ (judgement rx, the tower, QoSrx)

Decks Used: the romance angels oracle cards, the prisma visions tarot

#kpop tarot #bts tarot

178 notes · View notes

latulasbian-1 · 3 years

Note

what are your thoughts on kankri? personally i never understood the appeal and im interested to hear your take since he Was on the b tier of your list

OK! Sorry for lateness but I only noticed your question at like 2:00 AM and needed a full tank of brain-gas to be able to convey my thoughts even semi-coherently.

So Kankri’s a weird one, probably one of the most convoluted and self-contradictory characters in Homestuck. Its fitting given he’s pretty much a one note joke and hussie’s one-note joke characters actually wind up being either his most oddly complex (see: equius and feferi for instance) or most sympathetic (see: Nepeta). Kankri’s a bit of both imo, though I wouldn’t call him a favorite for me.

Kankri’s characterization is built almost entirely on one fuckin’ note: “LOL AIN’T TUMBLR SJWs FUNNY AND ANNOYING!?!?!?”. If you disagree with this then I don’t even know what to tell you, bc everything from his style of long-winded monologues (that wind up running up on Hussie Ableism Moments bc in-narrative his infodumping is supposed to be annoying???) to his inability to take social cues to his supposed-to-be-interpreted-as-excessive use of trigger warnings to his unapologetic killjoy attitude to his supposed hypocrisy/”privilege” are literally all just a fucking layer cake of anti-SJW stereotypes. This is where the issue of how the fandom interprets Kankri kicks in, as people’s opinions on him (aside from a few diehards) tend to scale from “DAWWW CUTE WIDDLE UPPITY BEANBOY” to “fucking annoying neoliberal”. For the matter, neither of these are intended by Hussie, while he did design him to be cute he wasn’t meant to be hateable for leftist homestuck fans as a (neo-)liberal or faux leftist. Hussie just designed him after everyone hussie found annoying in the social justice community primarily on tumblr. Even his political monologues, though not WITHOUT hypocrisy and bullshit, tend to actually skew towards “pretty fucking reasonable hussie just thinks people being upset by bad stuff is stupid”.

Now, people cite Kankri being ableist in his criticism of certain other dancestors for ~conforming to stereotypes~, which yes from an in context scenario is pretty fucking bad. If someone IRL is dealing with their disability in a way you think seems pretty stereotypical keep that thought to yourself. HOWEVER, AS ONE OF THE MOST CRUCIAL POINTS TOWARDS KANKRI BEING GENERALLY SYMPATHETIC, WE GET THE META ELEMENT. Hussie, in writing a hypocritical mansplainer who goes on and on and on about everything thats politically incorrect about the people around him, practically beat-for-beat replicates talking points PEOPLE HAVE USED TO CRITICIZE HOMESTUCK ITSELF. YES! MITUNA’S PRESENTATION AS A CHARACTER IS 100% UNAMBIGUOUSLY AWFUL IN ITS PORTRAYAL OF PEOPLE WITH BRAIN INJURIES AND MENTAL DISORDERS. DAMARA IS A RACIST STEREOTYPE SO BAD HUSSIE SHOULD GET THROWN IN JAIL. INCEST IS BAD. If ANYONE in homestuck should’ve pulled the meta knowledge shit in post-canon, kankri would’ve been a WAYYYYYY better candidate than dirk for it, especially since kankri seems halfway to realizing he’s fictional just by political analysis of the story he’s in! Kankri seems to exist at the apex of Hussie’s confusion about fandom, given he’s baffled enough by people being obsessed with his work yet so intensely negative that he can only seem to think of them as obsessive manchild wierdos with no sense of rational thought. As someone who myself unironically loves Homestuck and yet have an entire third of my brain dedicated to ripping it apart on an ethical level, I can see some of myself in that turtleneck’d contrarian. Just because someone is a fan of something doesn’t mean they will or should unthinkingly defend it from all recourse. This is something homestuck as a whole struggles with, I think back to the aspect or extended zodiac quiz where one of the questions amounted to “someone is talking shit about a show you like, how do you respond” and there wasn’t even an answer for “actually listen to what they’re trying to say and consider if they could be right”. Kankri is a symbol of sorts for those critical enjoy-ers, in a way. A stupid silly not-that-meaningful way, but a way. I think people should reclaim him.

I’ve touched on it a bit before, but the last main sympathizing aspect of kankri for me (aside from personality things like his frankly unearned patience with a friend group that entirely fucking hates his guts) is a trait share by almost all the dancestors: Hussie’s fucking disturbing use of mental illness & psychiatric disorders with them. Between Kankri’s unwillingness to observe common social cues, his overtly poised and practiced manner of speaking, his obsession with using trigger warnings to warn off confrontation in leu of not just speaking his mind with everything, his tendency to cling to certain articles of clothing for long periods of time, his implied difficulty taking care of himself physically, and the fucking insulting “mom-friend useless-manchild-who-needs-nannying” dynamic he has with Porrim, he comes off (intentionally or no) as a beat-for-beat embodiment of an autistic person as seen through Hussie’s tropey and horribly ableist worldview. This is a common trait he shares with both Aranea and Mituna, as well as many of the other dancestors to lesser degrees (many of them, like Mituna, also have OTHER mental disorders flat-out-stated in such a way that makes their depiction just fucking confused and bad). For me, and for at least SOME other people, it makes unbiased critical reactions to them damn near impossible. They deserve better than how hussie can write them. In a lot of ways I have friends like Kankri, and Hussie’d almost fucking certainly find them just as embarrassing and annoying as he meant for Kankri to be.

So yeah, Kankri isn’t my favorite by any means but i don’t feel like i can or should condemn him. He’s fun. I’d watch his video essays.

And this isn’t even BEGINNING to touch on how much I loathe Porrim as an example of “good cool fun feminists that hussie can sexualize!” And her more open bisexuality than other trolls being both a tool for fetishization by Hussie and a fucking skin-crawling thing to use as a contrast for Kanaya’s status as either “the only confirmed lesbian in homestuck (until postcanon showed rose was a lesbian too)” or “the only lesbian troll in existence ever bc thats totally how sexuality would work with aliens” (sorry if you ascribe to the “all trolls are bisexual bc they’re supposedly binormative as a get-out-of-jail-free card for hussie’s hetero-ass ship tease shit” then. well get better soon)

(seriously though everyone who pulls the “kanaya is the only lesbian alternian” shit owes every lesbian 100 dollars)

#homestuck #kankri #longpost #discourse #Anonymous

57 notes · View notes

readingaccountability · 3 years

Text

snow crash - neal stephenson

my playlist (because of The Way That I Am)

final thoughts:

okay, im going to be honest right out of the gate- i cant decide whether this is a book id recommend or not. it was really fun for the most part, but personally there was a lot more exposition than id like. the early portions of the novel have exposition which feels completely fair, mostly things relating to worldbuilding. stephenson creates his own vision of future america, and some places online referred to it as cyberpunk, and some as post-cyberpunk. id be more in the latter camp, mostly due to the way he plays with tropes, leaving the reader unsure of which will be subverted and which wont.

the use of language was really fun, and i enjoyed the worldbuilding a lot. his vision of a futuristic capitalistic earth feels surreal in its immediacy and recognizability. the back jacket blurb ends with "a future america so bizarre, so outrageous, you'll recognize it immediately." which, yeah. a texan info-tech magnate? two competing corporations owning the highway system? suburban city-states? this was another enjoyable thing- everything was colorfully named, and names treated totally normally, which kind of poked fun at how we have everyday things named very ludicrously and for the most part we are totally blind to it.

one aspect i really enjoyed was that the author often doesn't make certain things clear to the audience, until he does, and then it becomes necessary to reassess the entire story and setting. this goes to underscore the theme of the importance of information and the ways we take it in and perceive the world based upon it. for example, we don't learn that y.t. is fifteen until maybe 75 pages in, at which point a lot makes sense in retrospect. the same thing occurs in the worldbuilding, as suddenly a detail is given in passing and the reader must incorporate it into the setting, which by default we assume to be similar in many ways to our idea of america. it keeps the reader on their toes as well as furthering the worldbuilding. for the most part, the tech stuff didnt feel outdated to me, despite being a future projected out from '92.

however, aspects of the book are definitely very 1992. id put these into two camps: the first, being that the book does at different times use slurs. the main character is black and asian, the n word is used a few times by racist side-character/antagonist types, as are a few other racial slurs. there was also the occasional usage of the r slur, within the narrative prose itself, rather than usage as an insult within dialogue.

the protagonist, who is named, unfortunately, hiro protagonist, is a great character and felt very fleshed out to me, though at times he reminded me more of dirk strider than normally would be ideal. (its obvious that stephenson and andrew hussie are of a similar type of writer, and play with similar tropes, lmao.) hiro is a man of many worlds. he seems to shift between them easily, though never fully existing in any of them. this is reflected in his background, both in his biracial identity and in having been raised on a myriad of army bases. this is layered further in his fluidity in interacting with both reality and the metaverse, yet remaining slightly, consistently aloof. fascinatingly the first moment i sensed this drop was when we meet juanita- aka where his real and meta realities coincide. the description of them as the adam and eve of the metaverse is both insanely romantic and thematically key (good god i wish we had more than like, two conversations between them). juanita designed the facial component to metaverse avatars, doing the majority of this work when the two were together, and hiro can see echoes of both their facial tics in the face of every avatar in the metaverse. in a way, by having done this work juanita is positioned by the narrative as one of the gods of this digital realm. she is also hiro's call to action, being aware of the coming trouble and alerting him to it, as well as connecting him to the informational database he needs to prepare.

y.t., the secondary protagonist, fucking ruled. i loved that she was just a fifteen year old punkass kid whose mom doesnt know how crazy this part time job is. y.t. being worried about her mom was a great thread throughout, and a really good balance to how obviously independent y.t. is. i do wish there had been a chance to explain more about her background (she has a dad who left who is mentioned in a throwaway sentence, and a boyfriend who is mentioned near the beginning but never again.) i really enjoyed how obviously hyperaware y.t. was at all times about her own place within the insanities of the setting, while also consistently writing her as a teen maybe in way too deep who thinks about things in typically teenage ways. but like, that wasn't ever held against her? the narrative meets her where she is. it was honestly awesome. HOWEVER,

i absolutely hated the raven and y.t. scenes. how creepy!!! he basically statutory rapes her!!! we know hes at least late 20s early 30s, because hes the same age as hiro. if this sort of content is upsetting to read for you, i definitely do NOT recommend this book. (if you want to avoid reading these bits: ch 47 y.t. meets raven, ch 50 they are in a bar eating, ch 52 things happen that result in y.t.'s anti-assault device activating- she did not activate it on purpose, but forgot it was there- and raven is knocked out.)

please PLEASE dont take any of the following analysis as like, trying to be apologetic towards this scenes. because again they were awful and hard to get through and really gross. but im also cognizant that the author was obviously trying to convey something by making the choice, like the way it was written is obviously not condoning this sort of thing.

i think maybe what stephenson was trying to get at with that, was that we see hiro internally negate any potential for anything untoward with y.t. basically immediately, since he kind of senses that she might have a small crush on him (though this doesnt last more than a fleeting moment, especially from her perspective). vs raven, whose 'poor impulse control' warning tattoo eventually elicits a sarcastic remark from hiro after he finds out raven and y.t. were "a thing". i really dont think hiro knew how far it went? like it was just suuuper weird, but i figured it was meant narratively to 1. execute the chekovs gun of y.t.'s anti-assault device, 2. contrast hiro and raven (especially considering the bike-racing argument where theyre telling the story together, which is supposed to parallel them, while contrasting the differences in how they ended up?), and 3. just to get raven unconscious, i guess. but good god it was weird and i hated every second of it, why couldnt the device have like, activated way earlier?? gah. fucking upsetting. moving past that!

honestly i was really frustrated by how little screentime juanita got, because the way she was introduced was so fucking interesting and then shes mostly off doing her own thing. the bits of explanation she gives at the end about what she was up to on the raft are so sparse and im like damn, can we get a little bit of her pov in here? please? that would have ruled. additionally, shes supposed to be hiros love interest, but we see so little of them interacting outside her intro scenes. a huge portion of why hiro is getting into the sumerian mythology is literally framed as something that will help him understand juanita, but we dont get to see him talk to her about it barely at all.

the supporting characters were quite fun, i particularly liked the librarian. big surprise, i liked the overly literal ai information-dispensor, lmfao. watching him and hiro interact reminded me SO hard of geordi laforge having honest to god conversations with the computer where he tries to coax information out of it, aka one of my favorite little aspects of tng.

and lastly, the major plot themes themselves. i adore the way stephenson approached action, it was very entertaining. usually i cant really visualize action scenes written out, but his use of language was really really effective and engaging. the plot itself was absolutely fascinating, though i found the premise pretty contrived. which isnt bad in itself, i was fully suspending my disbelief until the last hundred pages or so. which for a 550+ page book, isnt too bad.

i did like the approach of linking the ancient to the modern, that is always really neat. and i think ultimately stephenson did it in an interesting way, not how i would have done it, but definitely interesting! creating these ideas about information infrastructures, and there being words that can access those and be used to control people, was wild. not sure if i agree about the equating of religion to a virus, though he did specifically establish that it was more the approach to religion, than religion itself. (maybe if juanita had been more goddamn present in the narrative that could have been elaborated on a little more. literally her perspective would have been perfect in balancing that out!!)

ultimately what did me in was the very very very long winded MONOLOGUE where hiro re-explained the whole premise, in ways that didnt really neatly organize into a cohesive argument. a lot of the scenes where hiro talks to the librarian, which are interspersed throughout the book, are really exposition heavy, because stephenson is rooting his ideas in historical concepts that need to be explained to both hiro and the audience. and i thought all that was fine, because it was a conversation where hiro was grappling with the information, and he was figuring it out along with the reader, and most importantly it was a conversation between him and the librarian computer program.

howeverrr later on we get a full rehash of all that, where hiro makes clear some stuff that was just implied for the reader, and hes literally just telling these important men whats up in this big long monologue. utterly worthless. i kept reading it and going YEAH, we KNOW, we know this we know this. and the important men barely interjected. it added basically nothing to our understanding of the situation, other than reframing it. but everything added was already an implicit thing, and didnt really need to be said again.

the resolution to the book was stellar, the last 30-40 pages, once hiro is onto the raft, were great. ultimately after reading and giving some time to digest it, i think it was a solidly great book with a few big drawbacks near the end, but which dont carry through and sully the ending.

#bookblr #book tag #snow crash #neal stephenson #reading progress update #book review #cyberpunk #post-cyberpunk #god this is long #kind of ended up being book report esque... elementary school vibes. i fucking love it ngl #original post #playlist series

7 notes · View notes

decorativedust · 5 years

Text

HNK chapter 80 thoughts + analysis

I’ve been marinating on this chapter for a few days, and I have some things in mind for it that I’d like to talk about.

This is just my take on things, and how I’ve interpreted them: mostly phos, aechmea, cairngorm, a tad bit of dia, and my thoughts on the fate of the series.

Warning for: talk of suicide, spoilers.

so I have a few very specific things I want to cover: Phos, Aechmea, Cairngorm, Dia, and the fate of the series.

We’ll start with Phos.

Personally, one of the biggest draws and attachments for hnk was phos’s transition from a sweet, naive gem to a depressed, anxious, horrifically warped individual. There’s not a lot of series out there where you can actually see a character become changed so drastically in such an intricate manner. I find character development, as a whole, to be extremely interesting.

Phos’s transition has been building up for the entire series. They kept growing stronger, learned more- but continued to fail over and over again. They tried to make an encyclopedia, and failed. They tried to find a job for shinsa, and failed. They tried to help bring Ventricosus home and got betrayed and lost their legs. They tried to save antarc, and failed. Ghost was abducted trying to save them. They lost nearly all of their body. They couldn’t bring back the ground up gems. Their night raid was a failure and might’ve killed padpa.

They’ve had a few triumphs- becoming stronger (although I’m ultimately not sure how much good this led to), giving the gems on the moon potentially happier lives (?), and help uncover more of the truth of their world. The gem abductions have seemed to stop entirely. And cinnabar seems to have finally reintegrated back into gem society through their efforts.

Ultimately though, phos’s life has become full of constant efforts sustained on hope and bravery that almost always end in failure. At the end of the day, how could you not snap? How could you not become a self-doubting, depressed mess? In a world where everyone has given up on you in your efforts to stop the cycle of suffering, how could you not become the despair-filled person that Phos now is?

I hope they get a satisfying ending. Phos has been fucked over from the beginning. They’re far from perfect, but I believe the things that ultimately drive them are kindness and a desire to end this cycle of pain for everyone- and I think that’s important to keep in mind.

Now let’s go to Aechmea.

This man really is an absolute lying bastard, huh?

There’s no doubt about it- Aechmea straight up lied to EVERYONE about the fate of the other two societies (admirabilis and gems). Honestly, I’m not even sure the lunarians knew about it. I don’t think they did- he genuinely ran lunarian society on the operation that the gems and admirabilis would be around after they disappeared.

Aechmea gives no indication that the fact that adamant will pray away all remnants of humanity is new information. It serves in Aechmea’s favor that he doesn’t tell anyone, either. While there’s certainly a few gems who likely don’t mind this fate (yellow), i imagine the bulk of admirabilis and gems wouldn’t desire such a fate. And how would the lunarians feel, if they found out the gems and the admirabilis would go with them, especially now that gems and admirabilis have all been on the moon for at least several hundred years at this point?

Aechmea didn’t care if they took all the gem dust on the moon and tried to reform the gems. Aechmea didn’t harm any of the gems on the moon. He stopped abducting gems. He listened to their demands. Because ultimately, it didn’t matter! None of it mattered, because they’d all die alongside the lunarians anyways!

I suppose I can find sympathy in their reasons for wanting to cross over to the nothingness. But at the cost of two entire other species? At the cost of killing so many other living things who likely don’t want to die- who don’t even know the fate they’re getting? Is there really nothing else that can be done? You got any lunarian therapy up there?

Its a hard thing to discuss. Obviously I’ll never know the feeling of being given the ability to live for eternity. Could they have not chosen to build some sort of positive relationship with the admirabilis and the gems, rather than terrorize and use both of them for their own purposes?

It feels so selfish. I suppose that’s not surprising, given how selfishness is just part of being human- or the personality and essence of humanity, at least. While selflessness is good, we all need a little selfishness sometimes. We need to take time to ourselves and do things for our own goods, rather than contribute ourselves 100% to others and completely burn ourselves out. It seems lunarians (or at least Aechmea) have selfishness in spades, to the point of being utterly apathetic to the fate of gems and admirabilis.

Now onto Cairngorm.

They look terrified and horrified the entire chapter.

Cairngorm is certainly no stranger to the concept of death. They had suicidal thoughts during phos’s first 200 year coma (right after they’d lost their head), they brushed by death when their outer shell (Ghost) was ripped away from their body. They’ve outwardly expressed before how they want to go with Aechmea into the nothingness, and yet- here they are. Not excited, not happy, not anything near positive.

There’s a giant difference between saying “i will die with you/i want to die” and actually, genuinely embracing death. Its so easy to say something, but so much harder to actually do it, and I think this is when cairngorm is actually, fully realizing this.

I don’t know whether or not they’re suicidal anymore, but I imagine not. This is probably the happiest they have been in their entire life. Imagine finally overcoming the desire to die, to find a place that makes you so happy - and then to realize that you’re about to lose it all and become nothing.

If there was ever a time for cairngorm to go against aechmea, its now. If we ever have a moment where cairngorm realizes aechmea lied to them, where cairngorm is finally going to become their own person without being under the rule and command of anyone else, it is now.

Personally, I’m hoping they’ll somehow attempt to interfere and try and stop Phos, but I’ll cover this more when I talk about the fate of the series.

Now onto Dia! This is probably the most lighthearted part of the whole chapter.

They’ve finally shined under their own light.

This is going back waaaaaaay far into the manga (like chapter 3), but we’re finally seeing some sort of resolution to Dia’s desire to become good at their own thing, without always being second best to Bort.

I feel like Dia and Phos, at this point, had very similar feelings. Both felt insignificant and useless as a result of not being as good as a fighter as their societal expectations hold them to- leading to feelings of self doubt, and the desire to become better.

A lot of people have called Dia selfish, for wanting to go somewhere where there is no Bort. Perhaps, a little bit. However, I don’t think Bort was purposefully trying to ‘show off’ and show how much better than Dia they are. They seemed to just be doing it out of the desire to protect Dia. But ultimately, Dia still felt very second-best to them, despite the fact that Dia should’ve been one of the best themselves. Yet their partnership was suffocating for Dia, constantly under the shadow of Bort. It just simply wasn’t healthy.

But now Dia has found a thing where they’re able to shine under their own light- an idol!!! They seem really happy doing it. They have a whole crowd of adoring fans, too. (blows a kiss to the moon) this is for u dia u fuckin get em

Finally, onto the last point: The fate of houseki no kuni.

This really feels like we’re so close to the end, doesn’t it? But how close to that end are we? As most of us are aware, chapter 80 is just the first chapter in volume 10. So, I find it very hard to believe that Phos is going to be successful in this particular attempt to get sensei to pray. A maximum of 21 minutes is certainly not enough time to tie up all the loose plotlines. What happened to Yellow? To Padpa? How are the earth gems? What about all the stuff that was happening between Cinnabar and Phos? What about the professor? etc etc im probably missing a few things, but you get my point.

Personally, I think there’s either going to be a gem that wanders out and sees phos going apeshit, and manages to stop them. Or, we’re going to get interference from Cairngorm. Right now Cairngorm seems the most likely candidate, despite the fact that they aren’t physically there. (Boy, if they do that though, I’m afraid to see how aechmea will react.) But I don’t really find it hard to believe that one of the earth gems will wander out, unable or unwilling to sleep.

Phos, obviously, won’t stop. They haven’t stopped trying for hundreds of years, why would they stop now, unless somehow they also bypassed whatever was preventing sensei from telling them “hey, you’re gonna kill everyone so maybe chill out”. I find it unlikely Sensei would do anything, however. He’s seemed extremely passive towards the gems lately (the most violent he’s ever been towards them was when he yelled at original goshe and morganite and accidentally shattered phos in like.. chapter 1) and aechmea said it himself- he doesn’t seem to be resisting.

Ending it here feels so.. messy. I like to have a little bit more faith in Ichikawa as a writer. I’ve decided to trust her because she’s written a lot of other things extremely well. Maybe I’ll be putting on my clown wig in a few chapters, but we’ll see.

#houseki no kuni #hnk #land of the lustrous #phos #phosphophyllite #lotl #hnk analysis #hnk spoilers #hnk chapter 80 #gaybe screams #this chapter had so much to unpack #i think i've talked about phos's transition like every analysis post but listen: i just think its neat #phos is one of the most interesting characters i've ever seen #personally speaking anyways

140 notes · View notes

applekitty · 5 years

Text

‘game dedede’ is not a good person to ship escargoon with and here’s why

im glad my escargoon analysis resonated with lots of people. i saw some comments on it, which i feel the need to reply to because they’re on my post. a small few comments have been about the main focus of this whole multi paragraph crazed yammering; game dedede

(content warning: i talk about the horror comic killing stalking for four paragraphs. wow i bet this content warning doesn’t give mood whiplash at all)

now, game dedede isn’t much of anything. he’s a non-character, as he has no discernible personality in the games that isn’t really much of anything more than a catalyst for people to project a personality onto. as are all the game characters, because kirby isn’t focused so much on plot and indepth character development as it is about the gameplay. nintendo’s always been good at gameplay, so they have basically stuck to what they’ve known and sprinkled small plot bits around places and entirely discarded anything other than hints personalities so that way they have an excuse for pure gameplay and fun to occur. it’s the same way with mario, and zelda, and usually basically all of their properties. yes, even pokemon, though usually when pokemon gets too plot heavy we get games like sun and moon, which are basically just cutscenes upon cutsc-

what was i talking about? oh, right, game dedede.

game dedede is usually seen by the fandom as a variety of things, but the main one is nice. and by nice i mean he is usually portrayed as someone who is typically valorous and is doing the right thing, not someone who is necessarily pleasant, though some like to make him pleasant or jolly. if you know me or have even been on my blog even once on pc you’ll notice the cool deviantart stamp i got from one of my friends. i fully agree with the things it entails; dedede not being your typical uwu ‘do nothing wrong’ monarch that he’s often now plastered as because he did the whole ‘i help this cat’ in rtdl or because he wanted to keep nightmare from coming out of the fountain in nightmare in dreamland and.. whatever the name was of the game that it was a remake of.

people usually want to be able to root for the protagonist, and since dedede was a protagonist and / or in the right in a few occasions, we want to see him as a good guy doing good guy things. and there’s plenty of different ways to take that, as there’s both evidence for and against him being a morally light character. but that’s not really the point of what i’m talking about here. regardless of your own personal opinion on how ‘game dedede’ morally is, he is not a good person for escargoon to be with. there’s a reason why i said someone should be shipping him with an oc rather than game dedede, and it’s precisely because ‘game dedede’, even if he somehow zapped into the anime verse, would not be good to ship with him.

and it’s not based on chemistry or because game dedede is secretly or openly evil or something like that. it’s purely because escargoon is still a victim of abuse. and if you’re someone with a few braincells you want him to get out of that abuse and go find a new husband who’ll love and care for him. for escargoon to get game dedede seems to make sense at first because escargoon is so devoted to the anime one, but when you look at it, it’s not healthy at all.

this is essentially taking escargoon’s old abuser, wiping away all the ‘sins’ of his character just to make it so escargoon can date him. just so he can date an idealized version of his abuser. this person is quite literally just his abuser but with a mental coat of paint.

allow me to draw comparison.

i’m going to go off here about a comic that i warned about at the top of the post. i’m not going to go too indepth about it due to the sheer nausea i might cause people if i do. it is a rather extreme example sheerly due to the content of said comic, but i can’t think of another better one off the top of my head. there’s a comic named killing stalking which was a big note for socio-political talk i think a few years back. it was a horror comic about a killer and a stalker wherein the murderer takes the stalker in, breaks his legs, and keeps in his house. the stalker, who already had sexual interest in his kidnapper, is abused due to various here and there reasons, and then after a while the comic begins the two’s sexual-romantic yet still abusive relationship. here’s the thing. the two of the characters are both men, so the relationship is gay.

many took to tumblr and various other medias smacking the comic for the display that it created (the comic chock is full of fairly nauseating things that are worth calling disgusting, but are expected of a shock horror comic) and the association it made between gay men and murderers, as well as making gay men look predatory and dangerous. normally said comic wouldn’t have been much of a problem or very noteworthy if it were about a straight pair, but it was about this Evil Gay Murderer Pair, so it was a source of controversy like shit is an attractor of flies.

despite the controversy that the comic had gotten, and the treatment in-canon it had of its characters being very clearly evil and in the wrong and clear deservance of being detracted, something strange happened. not in the comic, but in the people who decided to support said comic. people decided to support it for a number of reasons, one being that ‘oh it’s a horror comic i like horror despite what controversy or effects it may have on people’. i remember seeing it once, on my dashboard, i think. or back in the day when i was trying to figure out what the fuck was going on with this comic that everyone on my dash was just going to town on. people were shipping the two main, gay characters with eachother. and they weren’t doing it in a way that was ‘oh the murderer is so hot look at him in all this blood’ sort of way. it was in a much more.. ‘cozy’ position. it was fluffy. it was shown as cute. at first i thought it was because people were fucking weirdos, but i remember this one caption that has been recalled in perfect paraphrased clarity to me.

‘some people make aus to make their ships more angsty, but i’m out here making mine healthy lol’

people were taking the murderer, the main person who was causing the problems in the comic, and turning him into a loving husband for the stalker (who was shown as very mentally ill and in desperate need of love and attention). people were making the pairing that the comic itself showed as horrifying and awful to be fluffy and cute and devoid of any problems. so that way the victim was no longer hurt. it was an au. the murderer had a new personality, he was a changed man who never hurt anyone, so he was perfect for the stalker. that way, the ship could be had but there would be no issue whatsoever.

and to be quite honest, that’s what we have here. we have an offshoot of that. though obviously the source material is much less dangerous in our case, we still have a victim in desperate need of love in an abusive relationship with someone who hurts them. then, we have people shipping said victim with a new version of that abuser just to wipe the slate clean. just to keep the ship going without anyone objecting to it, because it can all be explained away as an au or what have you. though, i’m sure the ship in killing stalking was very much bashed by people (at least, i hope it was), while this one isn’t.

i can hear my strawman in the replies already going ‘well thanks for the tangent. but ching, game dedede’s a different person. he is legitimately a different canon than anime dedede, meanwhile this is people making things up that the canon doesn’t support. if you dated a twin you won’t apply the sins of the twin on the other one, would you?’ and if this were a real life situation, you’d be correct.

it’d be wrong to place the sins of one twin onto another sheerly because one was an abusive asshole. but since is a real life scenario, putting a victim of abuse back with someone who looks exactly like their abuser would most certainly create extreme fear and panic in that victim. it wouldn’t matter if one of the twins hasn’t done anything, the potential relationship would forever be ruined and it’d be out of their control. and no one, no self respecting person, should ever have a victim date them if they look exactly like said victim’s old abuser. that’s just asking for mental troubles and constant panic attacks.

but that’s if this were real. it’s not real. this is video games and cartoons. it doesn’t come down to that, it comes down to us and what we decide to do, and what we decide to ship. these are not real people. we are putting them together for our own amusement because you’d think they’d get along. and doing this with a ship like this with game dedede says, to me, "I do not care if it is abusive in canon, I want to ship it anyways without any problems or people calling me out, so I’ll make it so people can’t do that by stripping the abuser of their abusive characteristics and make it so this abusive ship is all sunshine and rainbows". this is especially poignant if escargoon is stripped of all his abuse as well, allowing for him to be shipped more easily. it is quite literally going ‘nope’ when one is confronted with the very real trauma of a character and discarding it. don’t get me wrong, some things in canon should be discarded in some sources of entertainment, but a character’s abuse being discarded entirely for the sake of shipping just does not sit well with me.

of course, people who ship it are absolutely not thinking this maliciously when they ship discountdesuka, but that’s what it is irregardless of what they are thinking.

‘game’ dedede / escargoon is a ‘what could’ve been’ situation.

it is an idealized version of dedesuka, one which throws a key aspect of escargoon’s out the door purely for the fluff and the cute gay moments that could’ve been. and sadly enough, it’s probably what escargoon dreams and hopes could happen (which is arguable because escargoon gets suspicious whenever dedede is nice to him), but it never does.

i understand why people do it. i know they don’t have some secret plan to be evil by creating secret abusive content that has hidden messages in it so everyone will ship abusive ships or something ridiculous like that, and if you thought that i thought that you’re very wrong.

in some’s cases (as shown by the tags on my escargoon post), they want to reclaim a relationship which was blatantly homophobic in execution and turn it into something better. others just want a cute ship because their version of ‘game’ dedede is morally better than his anime counterpart, and wouldn’t hurt escargoon. they want to make wholesome content to drown out canon’s shows of abuse and negativity. which is understandable to want, but to show respect to the concepts the show puts out, isn’t something that should be embraced with ‘game’ dedede/escargoon.

but there is no undoing what anime dedede/escargoon is in the show, and what it means to give escargoon over to ‘game’ dedede instead. ‘game’ dedede / escargoon is not abusive by any initial means, but it is still something that should not be shipped regardless.

it is disrespect to escargoon’s status as an abuse victim to ship him with the same exact person who abused him and say it’s okay because ‘he has a different personality’.

i am begging you. please ship escargoon with your oc or some other game character.

#shitpost #kirby #kirby right back at ya #hoshi no kaabi #analysis #it has a tl;dr at the end #bash anime dedede for being 'ooc' (or anything of the like) in the replies and die by my sword

45 notes · View notes

exo-can · 6 years

Text

Growing Pains: I Miss You

A collection inspired by Adele’s album 25

Order: 1) When We Were Young 3)River Lea 4)Send My Love (To Your New Lover)

WARNING: Language, some soft smut (rare i know lol)

gif originally posted by @vanillalattaes

A/N: Although its not required, i would recommend reading this series in the order i release them as im doing it in a sort of star wars fashion lol. It won’t affect you storyline wise though if you choose to read this one first (: enjoy my lovlies

The room felt as suffocatingly tense as it was quiet. The only reprieve from the silence being a small cough or the frustrated tapping of a pencil once in a while. Desperately, you willed yourself to ignore it, eyes determined to remain on your page, as though staring at the blank space was going to will the answer to simply appear. Why the fuck did I listen to the counsellor and take this course? Your pupils flitted over the question again, as though you had expected to find some hint to the answer. I wanted a publishing internship, not a crash course on how music affects literature!

Exactly one month ago, on this very day, you signed over your sanity by signing up for this Theory and Analysis class. To be fair, you didn't think that examining a few notes and a poem here and there would be too hard. In fact, you’d even called it a cake walk. Boy, oh boy, were you ever wrong. The knowledge that you would have been able to get the internship was in the back of your mind; you were a good student with a strong GPA. Yet, you still wanted something to give you even the slightest edge over your competitors, which is when the school course advisor suggested this. You had agreed at the time. After all, so many authors now were also musicians, so it could give you a connection or even an insight to their work that perhaps other interns might not have. Now, you wholeheartedly regretted that decision.

Sighing, you slumped into your chair which made a loud squeak. Heads whipped in your direction, icy glares making you sink lower, mouthing a silent ‘sorry.’ Once your peers turned back around you sighed once more, rubbing your fingertips into the temples of your skull, making it look to anyone who glanced at you like you were meditating in your seat. C’mon, Y/N, an internal peptalk starting in your head, You’re not gonna let this ruin your GPA. Schumann, Schumann, Schumann… or was it Schubert? Motherfu-- You could feel your forehead wrinkling in concentration, when a small snicker snapped you out of your trance. Knowing exactly who it came from, your eyes squinted at Taehyung, who was in the desk beside you, menacingly. Lifting your hand, you raised your most favourite finger at the moment, Taehyung only grinning at you like a child in response before turning back to his own test. Rolling your eyes, you were about to do the same, when your vision was halted on a head of black hair just past Taehyung.

You didn't know him personally, only through mutual friends. Honestly, you’d never even really spoken to him. You only knew what you heard, which was a fair amount. His name was Min Yoongi. He was a music major, but you didn't really know whether he composed or played. That wasn’t really what the other girls liked to discuss. The seemingly much more interesting topic was his love life. Yoongi was good looking, it was no secret. There was something so interesting about his sharp features and cat-like eyes. Even you had to admit it, staring at his face from three desks down like the creepiest person in existence. But he was also known to dine and dash, so to speak. There were a good amount of girls who claimed to have slept with him, but never had anyone seen him actually with someone beyond one night, so it was widely disputed whether they ever actually had slept together. However, there was one detail that remained the same with every girl; he never contacted or even spoke to any of them after. Looking at him now, you didn't really think someone like him could be that cruel. Someone who was close with your new-found friend, Taehyung, could never be. Taehyung was one of the most kind hearted people you’d ever met, despite the teasing.

Normally, these sorts of traits were a bit of a turn off for you; most guys who falled into the category he was described as all ended up being the same. And ultimately boring. You’d played that game before and had long since grown tired of it. Yet as you scanned his profile, you mused that maybe you wouldn’t mind dealing yourself in once more to relieve pent up stress, if nothing else.

Taehyung knew him personally, so you knew it would only be a matter of time before you were introduced. Placing your head in your palm, your rested your elbow on your desk. Distantly, you wondered what kind of person he would actually turn out to be. His fingers deftly swiped his pencil back and forth on his paper. You couldn’t read exactly what he wrote, but you were surprised at how full his page his was, only infringing a slight amount of guilt on you for neglecting your own test. Watching, you admired how nimble, yet thin his hands were. Long fingers gripped the pencil strong enough that the veins in his hand could be seen, when suddenly they stopped their movements. Your eyes traveled back up his frame, only to meet his own curious ones. Immediately you snatched your gaze away, your head practically flying out of your palm in sheer panic. Reaching your fingers out to grab your own pencil far too hastily, it clattered to the floor deafeningly. Heads all turning back to you, each person seemed to be sending you telepathic prayers that your would just mysteriously disappear for disturbing them once more. The floor was the only thing you could safely look at as your cheeks flushed red and you dived for your pencil. Retrieving it you immediately hid your tomato face behind your hands with your elbows on the desk and stared down at your paper with more focus than ever. Unable to look, you could hear the other students turning back around in their seats resentfully as you shook your head at your own embarrassment. Such. An. Idiot.

“So, Yoongi said something to me the other day.” The coffee in your mouth suddenly tasted bitter despite the disgusting amount of sugar and caramel syrup in it.

Struggling to avoid spitting the liquid all over the pavement as you walked beside Taehyung, you attempted to compose yourself though the incident from last week surged to the forefront of your mind. Humiliation resurfacing and panic setting in because there was absolutely no way in hell Taehyung would ever let you live this down. Patting your chest and then sticking out your tongue as though the drink had burned your tongue after you swallowed. When you finally replied, your voice was thick with the attempt to feign innocence. “Oh? About?”

“You.” Your heart felt like it was falling through the floor.

“Really? What did he say?” You replied, despite knowing you were most likely caught and were about to face a face full of ridicule that would last until graduation in 4 years.

“He kinda just asked who you were, seeing as we’ve been attached at the hip since orientation.” A glimmer of hope shined on the horizon. “To be honest, I thought he was gonna ask if you had some sort of condition because of all the drool pouring out of your mouth last week.”

And there it went. “You saw?!”

“Pretty sure the whole class did, Y/N.” He simpered when you batted him with your free arm.

“Ass,” you muttered into the lid of your coffee.

“It’s okay if you have a crush on him. He’s a good guy, for the most part.” Taehyung commented, his last addition perking your interest. What does that mean? “Besides, I maybe, sorta, have a little thing for your friend…”

“Haerin?” You looked at him, puzzled seeing as they’d met all of one time and it was very brief. Sheepishly, he shook his head and it dawned on you, pausing mid step on the sidewalk. “Wait, Luna?!”

Rolling his eyes, he didn’t slow his pace, forcing you to jog forward to keep up once the initial shock wore off.

“You do know she’s head over heels for her boyfriend, right?” He nodded, a scowl on his face. “And that they’ve been together for nearly two years?”

“Yes, Y/N.” His voice was slightly aggravated. “It’s a crush. It’s not like i'm going to propose.”

A twinge of unease poked at your stomach as you realized you weren't exactly being supportive. “I just don’t want you to be disappointed when nothing comes from it, Tae.”

The corner of his mouth turned upwards and he patted your shoulder. “Don’t worry, I know there's not really a chance of anything happening.” His grin grew in size, mischief brewing beneath his irises. “You, on the other hand, have some hope. Which would be why I invited Yoongi to the library with us.”

Once again, you halted in your steps, mortified at what your friend had done. “You did what?!”

“Would you stop doing that?” Taking two steps back, he gripped your arm and pulled you forward. “For one, you’re going to spill coffee all over yourself. Second, he’s waiting for us.”

“I hate you.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He giggled as he let his grip on your arm go.

“Seriously, Tae.” You whined. “I don’t think this is a good idea. I’m going home.”

“No, you aren’t.” He shook his head. “He’s already seen you.”

Snapping your eyes in the direction which Taehyung was now waving, you spotted him. Leaning against the railing of the steps to the old campus library, he looked cosy. Bundled in a gray scarf and a long, black, tweed coat, you could see a tinge of rouge powdering his nose from the chill October air. Pulling a hand out of his pocket, he gave a wave back before delving the limb back into his pocket in search of warmth. His face is a little puffy in the morning, you remarked. Cute. Eyes twitched over to you, a new flush of red dusting your own cheeks at being caught staring once again. Averting your eyes to the tops of your shoes, a weird pulling sensation made your insides squirm.

Steeling your nerves, you did your best to at least appear composed as the gap between you and Yoongi dwindled. By the time you reached him, your internal panic levels had reduced a little, though you still felt like bolting in the opposite direction to avoid the imminent awkwardness. Playing with the lid of your coffee, your shoes scuffed to a stop once Taehyung did the same. Letting your eyes drift upward, it came as a surprise to find him being the one staring for a change, though he made no move to conceal it. You did your best to read him, but it was to no avail, his face remaining as stoic as ever. It was Taehyung who was the first to speak, a knowing grin on his face as he drew the pair of your’s attention away from one another. “Y/N, this is Yoongi.”

A self-conscious smile flashed across your lips as you murmured a short, “Hey.”

“Hey,” Yoongi’s sultry tone took you off guard; you didn’t expect someone like him to have such a deep, raspy voice.

“You look tired.” Taehyung interjected.

Yoongi scratched the back of his head. “Yeah, I was up a little late last night.”

“Aw shit I forgot, your project was due this morning right?” Taehyung replied apologetically, to which his friend nodded. “You didn’t have to come! We could’ve done this later.”

“No, that’s okay.” His dark irises fluttered to you briefly. “I wanted to.”

“Right.” Taehyung smirked, brushing past Yoongi to the steps that lead to the library. “Let’s go then.”

Following behind, you walked up the steps to the door, Yoongi taking up the rear. Taehyung didn’t bother to hold the door for you, forcing you to reach out to catch it with a flash of annoyance. “Hey!”

Taehyung snickered as people immediately shushed you, a blush fanning across your cheeks for letting him goad you. Whispering under your breath, you commented on your friends child like antics, “Dick.”

A breathless laugh came from behind you. Sneaking a glance back, Yoongi’s eyes were reduced to slivers, his cheeks higher from hiding a grin in the depths of his scarf. Weaving through the library, you did your best to quell the butterflies fluttering in your stomach. Your efforts not doing much as frustration took hold at how he’d barely even said a word, but somehow made you feel like you were back in highschool, pining for some guy. Never one to fall fast, it was odd for you to feel this nervous around a guy. You weren't a stranger to hookups, but a part of you wondered if it was just because it had been a little while.

Brushing the thoughts away, you focus on not hitting one of the various tables as Taehyung led you into one of the group study rooms where talking was permitted. Yoongi was the last to enter, closing the door softly behind him. Setting your half-empty drink on the table, you shrugged your backpack off along with your jacket. Thank god, you’d decided that your comfiest sweatpants and sweater were a bit too musky to wear in public. Settling into your chair, you unloaded your books as Taehyung sat across from you and placed his things on the chair beside him, leaving the one beside you the only chair left for Yoongi to take. He didn’t seem at all fazed though, barely batting an eye at Taehyung's obviousness as he took up the place beside you. Taking off his coat and scarf, he opted to keep the beanie on, which you didn’t mind at all as he looked like a walking-talking advertisement for it. His black hair poked out the front and sides, a glimmer of an earring catching your eye. Shaking your head you averted your gaze to your book, forcing yourself to read the text. I’m starting to understand why these girls rave about him….

“Y/N?” Taehyung snapped you out of your reverie, “you aren’t going to study our theory class?”

“No. I’ve been studying that all week.” You replied, defeated. “I’m pretty sure that my head is actually going to explode if I do.”

“Fair,” Taehyung chuckled. “I just thought maybe you’d wanna ask Yoongi for some help seeing as how great your last test went.”

Quirking your head, you said, “I’m sure he has his own stuff too; I don't wanna unload on anyone--”

“He got 93 percent on the test.”

Your head immediately turned to the side, mouth slightly agape. You never knew he got such good grades; it wasn’t exactly something people talked about. He looked a little unnerved by your reaction, “I don’t mind--”

“Please.” You cut him off, nearly facepalming at your lack of tact. “I mean, if you don’t mind, could you please help me? Only if you have the time though. Again, I don’t wanna cause you any trouble--”

“Y/N,” The sound of your name leaving his lips made your stomach flip. “It’s no bother; it helps me study it too.”

The sun had just began to descend when Taehyung had left the two of you to your own devices, though you didn't really notice. On the exterior, Yoongi seemed like a gruff sort of person, but as he started teaching you, you found out that wasn't at all the case. He went through notes and old tests so patiently with you, never complaining when you got a question wrong even if it was the fourth time you’d been over it. Not once. Gentle fingers glided over the pages of your old text book, showing you references and dates while keeping the page open until he was sure you understood. As you studied, you realized that he wasn’t just taking a course because society expected him to; he was passionate about music.

The proximity between you had eventually began to close as your timidness wore off and you felt more comfortable with him. Your bodies now only centimeters apart. He was close enough that you could smell his cologne and his arm would sometimes brush against yours, sending a tingle up your spine. Doing your best to focus, you only snuck glances at him when he was reading from the textbook. There were smaller things you’d noticed about him now; his tendency to fiddle with his pencil, the miniscule freckle just to the right of his nose, and the way his lips settled into a pout whenever he rested his features. An urge to know more about him lingered, the study session only fueling your intrigue instead of burning it out as it usually did when you met a guy like this. As time wore on, excitement still gurgled inside you but guilt couldn’t help but convolute your heart. This entire time he’d only been helping you instead of studying his own things.

“I’m sorry,” You apologized after getting a question wrong, noting that the clock on the wall read 5 pm. “We can stop now.”

Yoongi quirked his head, “Why?”

“I’ve taken up your whole day.” You sighed.

“I told you I didn’t mind.”

“Yeah, i know...” you trailed off, still unsatisfied. A silence ensued as you cursed your own selfishness and began to pack your things back up while Yoongi remained still.

“Treat me, then.” His comment made you pause.

“What?”

“If you feel that bad,” He reasoned, following your actions and packing up before sending you a grin, “go to dinner with me.”

Your eyes grew wide at the suggestion, heat flaring up inside you. Gathering your bearings, you did your best to appear unaffected though from the way Yoongi smirked, you knew it was already too late. “Is this your way of asking me out on a date?”

“No,” he replied teasingly, “i’m pretty sure I only asked you to treat me.”

Your face dropped into a frown. Hoisting your backpack up, you brushed past him to the door of the group study room muttering, “I can see why you and Taehyung are friends now.”

A throaty chuckle sounded behind you and you couldn’t help the corners of your mouth from upturning ever so slightly.

“You're joking right?” Digging your chin into your jacket, your eyes danced over neon lights, flashing from every direction. The street was crowded, which made sense considering the time. Some people rushed through, while others doddled along gazing at each sign as they passed various vendors. The unmistakable scent of food wafted toward you, making your mouth salivate. “You could have picked an actual restaurant; i’m not that cheap.”

“I never said you were. I happen to love street food, thanks.” Yoongi grinned at you, scarf muffling his words a little. Like many others, his catlike eyes scanned each stall, a playful expression on his face as he lurched down the road. “Besides, if we went to a restaurant people might mistake this as a date and think im an ass for not paying.”

“When are you going to stop teasing me about that?!” You elbowed him in the side, the redness in your cheeks only accentuating your pout as you muttered, “Any girl would make the same mistake.”

A small laugh left his lips, making your stomach flutter, “C’mon.”

A gust of wind brushed your back, sending a chill down your spine. “Are you sure you don't want to go to a restaurant?”

“Positive,” He immediately responded, his face brightening when he found the stall he’d been looking for. “They have all my favourites here.”

“But, it’s cold out here.” You whined.

A look of realization crossed his features, his eyes scanning your figure which was nearly folding in on itself to contain some warmth. Placing a hand on your arm to stop you, he replied, “Wait here for a sec.”

Confused, you watched as he turned his back on you and headed down one of the various streets. Standing awkwardly on the pavement, you itched to follow him, but obeyed anyway. Pulling your hands together in front of your mouth, you breathed into them. A split second of bliss graced them before disappearing, leaving you to rub them against one another vigorously to try and keep a fraction of that warmth. So focused on your task, you almost didn’t notice when he reappeared in front of you, his hand full of something you couldn't quite make out. The palms of your hands stopped their rubbing motions as his hand grabbed yours and pulled it toward him. Placing a squishy package in your hand, he reached into his pocket to pull out another as warmth bloomed in your palm. Cracking the pack, he handed the other one over, “Put those ones in your shoes.”

It was then that you realized you’d been staring at him, dumbfounded. Snapping yourself out of it, you nodded numbly. Crouching, you lifted the tongue of each sneaker, shoving the hot packs in one by one. Wiggling your toes, you relished in the warmth before rising up to your feet. While you’d been doing what you were told, Yoongi pulled two more out and burst the bubble in each. Slender fingers grabbed your hands, placing the packs in your palms before curling them over yours to make your hand into a fist. Taking hold of your wrists, he pushed your hands into your pockets while you stood like a mannequin, letting him control you. Reaching up, he unraveled his scarf from around his neck, the bottom half of his face revealing itself. Zipping up his coat to the top, he gently curled his scarf around your neck, the pads of his fingers brushing against your skin faintly. Eyes studying the fabris, he only ceasing his fiddling with his when he was happy with how it encased you.

“Yoongi,” you began to protest, only for him to cut your words short.

“Better?”

Nodding in response, you bit your lip hesitantly, “But what about you?’

“Don’t worry, Y/N. I’ll be fine.” Again at the mention of your name, your heart seemed to press forward against your ribs, only swelling when he gave you a reassuring smile that made his eyes crinkle. “Let's go eat.”

Though you hated to admit it, you were thankful to Taehyung. After that night of eating and talking about random things, Yoongi started to become someone you saw frequently in your life. It would be a little bold to call you friends, but more accurate to say you were a smidge more than study buddies. Pulling out textbooks and going through notes together became a weekly thing, sometimes more depending on how much work you had. Just the same as the first time, Yoongi was patient with you. After a few weeks, he even started to ask you questions to about classes he found more difficult even if it wasn't something you took either. He claimed he just needed a different perspective, which you were eager to provide seeing as your mark in the class you shared had gone up by a whopping 10 percent since he’d begun helping you. You found it regretful though that you couldn't be of more help. It’d been two months since the two of you started hanging around each other and though you were happy to have him around, you couldn't help but feel frustrated.

The more time you spent with him, the more you ached to know him on a deeper level. You weren't new to relationships, but you'd never really been this curious about someone. Time would slow when you weren’t with him, a yearning to be in his presence gradually growing until he took up most of your thoughts. Daydreams danced in your head about whether he was a good kisser, if he’d turn out like every other guy you’d eventually grown bored with, and what kind of person he was under his guarded exterior. If you were honest, you felt pathetic that you were in college and some guy who had never even kissed you, let alone touch you in a way that wasn't an accidental brush of the skin, had this effect on you. But you also craved to learn what it would feel like if he did.

Somewhere among your studying and coffee runs, you’d made it your goal to satiate your curiosity. You didn’t aim so high as to date, just to hook up at least once. However, only disappointment greeted you. Not once had he ever made a move to touch you. Occasionally there were flirtatious jabs, but never anything more. Eventually, you started to wonder if maybe you just weren’t his type and the girls who seemed to hover and whisper all around you were.

Whenever you were with the man, hushed voices followed. You knew what they were wondering; why was he hanging out with you so much? Were you dating? What made you so different? Sometimes you’d chuckle, earning a confused glance from Yoongi which you’d always brush off. Other times you’d find yourself moping because they were far from the truth. Right now, it was the latter.

“Did you see that chick who left Yoongi's dorm yesterday morning?” Jimin, one of Taehyungs friends, questioned your circle of friends sitting at a table in the cafeteria.

“No,” Taehyung replied, quickly trying to divert the conversation to spare you while Luna and Haerin snuck worried glances your way, “where is he and Namjoon anyway?”

Jimin shrugged, “Yoongi sent me a text at 4 this morning so Namjoon is probably trying to wake him up.”

“Do you mean that girl who was sitting on the curb?” Jungkook piped up, earning a glare from Taehyung whose efforts were thwarted, though he didn't seem to notice.

“Sitting on the curb?” Jin asked.

“Yeah,” Jungkook nodded, shoveling the last few pieces of a pancake into his mouth, “I think she was waiting for a cab.”

“Yeah that one,” Jimin nodded while Jin muttered about how rude it was to make her wait outside, “do you think he’d mind if I asked for her number?”

“Does he ever?” Taehyung huffed, discreetly placing a comforting hand on your own, which you’d absentmindedly curled into a ball, under the table. Taking a breath and shoving the fruit on your plate around, you implored yourself to relax. Why do I even care? I’m just a person he studies with.

“That’s true,” Jimin nodded. “She was really hot though.”

“Do you really have to talk about this with us here?” Luna barked from beside you, annoyance making her eyebrows bunch.

Jimin glanced at her sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. “Sorry, I just didn’t think it was a problem seeing as we have before.”

“It’s annoying.” She was relentless. “It’s not like I gab about my latest conquests.”

“Bullshit,” Taehyung quickly rebuked, his hand becoming tighter on yours, “you constantly talk about your boyfriend.”

Luna’s mouth dropped. “That’s different!”

“It’s not.”

“Yes, it is!”

Bickering ensued from each side of you, causing you to slump in your chair, rolling your eyes. Ignoring the war raging on, Jungkook nodded his head toward the door, speaking directly to jimin, “If you still want to, here’s your chance.”

Instantly your eyes shifted to the direction he motioned to, spotting a groggy Yoongi shuffling behind Namjoon like a zombie. Panic and dread consumed you. All you wanted to do was disappear, embarrassed at how much you’d lusted over someone who clearly wasn't interested. Before his irises could meet yours, you stood from your chair. The abruptness of your movement made the chair squeal as it skid against the floor, drawing the tables attention to you.

“I forgot something in my dorm.” You muttered quietly, pivoting on your heel to rush through the door on the other side of the room, opposite from the one Yoongi had arrived in.

“Wait, Y/N!” Haerin exclaimed, rising from her own seat with a worried expression.

“Yeah, we’ll come!” Luna chimed in, her spat with Taehyung forgotten.

You didn’t slow for them, focused on reaching the hallway before the green monster hiding out on your back was discovered by the one person who was the source of it. You cursed yourself over and over again in your head. This feeling of being at someone else's mercy was something you loathed. It was something every person would experience at least once in their life; you knew this. But it didn’t make it any easier when it happened. Feeling small and insecure, the insults directed to yourself spewed from your brain. You’d thought you’d grown past this and had learnt to not fall too deep before anything had ever even happened. Apparently you had been wrong.

The tapping of two pairs of feet caught up with you. Luna remarked once her and Haerin were by your side, “What assholes.”

“They didn’t do anything.” You replied before letting out a sigh. “I didn’t want him to see me is all. I feel so stupid.”

“Y/N,” Haerin frowned, “you can’t help liking someone.”

“I know.” You agreed. “I just don’t understand why it upset me and I hate that i’m mad when I literally have no reason to be. It’s not like we even had a thing, y’know? I just carried on one sidedly and got ahead of myself.”

The girls stayed silent by your side, nodding while Luna patted your shoulder. They didn't defend you because in all honesty, you really had just gotten ahead of yourself. “It’s okay to just really want someones dick sometimes.”

“Luna!” Haerin chided while you burst into a laugh, breaking the solemn atmosphere.

“What? Its true and she hasn’t had any lately.” Luna reasoned, putting her chin in her hand like she was thinking. “Maybe it was just that he’s hot and you’re horny and y’know, pheromones and stuff.”

“That is true.” You quirked your head contemplatively.

“I have an idea!” Haerin interjected. “That guy with the long hair and is really annoying said his frat house is having a party tonight.”

“I forgot about that!” Luna exclaimed excitedly. “Lets go get drunk, forget about Yongle or whatever,” you couldn’t help but snort, “and maybe even land you a guy for the night to work out all this frustration!”

“Well?” Haerin looked at you optimistically. Right after she’d mentioned getting drunk you knew you’d go, but you played it like you weren’t sure. A hopeful silence paused the conversation for a moment, before a grin stretched across your lips and you nodded. The girls by your side nearly shouted with enthusiasm, hooking their arms with yours while you giggled and outsiders rolled their eyes at your groups antics.

The day seemed to drag, as it always did. However, today it was almost like someone had hit rewind, each time you looked at the clock feeling like a punch in the gut. All you wanted was to go home, beat your face, and get drunk with the people who loved you. As time ticked away, you did start to feel better. You credited this to Luna’s explanation. After all, your initial attraction to Yoongi, who you avidly avoided for the remainder of the day, was purely physical. Granted, you had grown interested in him, but it wasn’t like you were in love. Looking back at the days you’d spent in his company, your mind analyzed every second, coming up with reasons why your body reacted to him or why your mind became goo. In short, you chalked it up as lust, telling yourself that you would’ve felt the same way with any attractive guy with how long it’d been since you’d been intimate with a person. By the time the clock struck half past 3, you’d successfully convinced yourself that Yoongi hadn’t actually upset you, your hormones had.

Feeling confident again, there was a spring in your step as you trotted down the halls. Outfit choices and makeup selections swiped through your thoughts, anticipation bubbling as you thought about the night to come. All your musings clouded your senses. So much so, you didn’t notice when Taehyung waltzed up beside you and threaded his arm through yours.

“Holy shit!” A squeal erupted from your lips, your free hand coming to clutch your chest.

“Hi,” Taehyung grinned, not bothering to conceal his satisfaction with startling you.

“You scared the crap out of me, Tae.” Loosening the hold on your chest, you punched him on the arm, though a good natured smile coated your mouth.

“Sorry, sorry,” He apologized, though you knew from the giggles that he didn’t mean it in the slightest. “What are you doing tonight? Wanna grab a bite and see a horror movie?”

“Tempting,” The hand you hit him with rested on his forearm, giving him a little squeeze of appreciation. Without saying anything, you knew he was worried about you. This morning you knew he’d felt guilty about what had happened from the seven messages he’d sent asking you if you were alright. Even though you’d reassured him every time, his actions were a testament to the kind of friend he was to you. He refused to cease his pestering until he was positive that there wasn’t a hint of sadness lingering inside your heart. “I can’t though. I’m going to a party in that one frat house on the corner.”

“You are?” He feigned vexation. “Why wasn’t I invited?!”

A shrug from you jostled your knotted arms, “I just hadn’t seen you yet.”

“Well, I’m coming. I won't breathe a word to He Who Shall Not Be Named.” He reassured you and drew his vacant arm up to draw a cross over his heart. “Scouts honor.”

Snorting at his reference, you shook your head indifferently, “It’s fine. I don’t care if he’s there.”

Taehyungs eyes became slivers, lips forming an ‘n’ from his skepticism. “Yeah, okay.”

Laughing at his distorted face, you rebutted, “I honestly don’t!”

“Alright,” he acknowledged, though the suspicion he exuded didn’t fade.

Opening the exit doors, you shivered and let your grasp on your friend slacken as you prepared to head your separate ways. Starting on the path to your respective home, you walked backwards so you still faced Taehyung. “Come to my dorm at nine-ish, okay? We’ll sneak you in to pregame.”

Instead of replying, he merely shot you a thumbs up and a smile, zipping up his coat to the top and jogging off down the sidewalk. Turning around, you shoved your hands in your pockets, the memory of that first night with Yoongi flashing in your mind briefly before you forced it back into the vault of things you would rather ignore. Sighing wistfully, you carried yourself down the path, your previous daydreams coming back to life as the cold air nipped at you through your jacket.

The party was like any other frat party you’d been to; cramped, loud, and vaguely smelling like something that had been left out to rot. You didn't mind much though, the alcohol in your bloodstream making all that seem somehow pleasant. Your vision was slightly blurred, though you were very much coherent. The taste of smoke lingered in your mouth even after you took a swig of your drink, head bobbing to the music while musing about everything and nothing.

As promised, Taehyung had joined in on the fun. Accompanying the three of you and declaring himself your honorary bodyguard of the night after he was a few beers in. However, you knew he wouldn’t be a very good one seeing as though he tried his best, his attention always seemed to swerve off in the direction of Luna. He meant well, but he was a flirty guy and she was what he liked. You could see them on the other side of the room, leaning against the wall, Taehyung grinning like he’d won a prize as Luna tossed her head back as she laughed. A small smile graced your lips. They’re cute.

Haerin was still by your side though, a slightly sour look on her face because ‘she already has a boyfriend and this is supposed to be girls night, so what the fuck?’ You had patted her shoulder sympathetically when you heard the stinging in her words and muttered a short reassurance that it was okay. Watching the dynamic play out, worry tugged at your mind, knowing that something more was going on and that you should probably address it. But fuck it. You were the one who was supposed to be comforted tonight for your brief and bizarre lapse in judgement. The weird love triangle wait for another day.

After successfully drawing her attention away from your two best friends, the two of you knocked cups, vowing to find a good lay for the night and downing the burning liquid. Since then, the pair of you milled about, giggling to each other as you scouted for candidates. Bouncing around, there were a few guys who interested you, stopping to chat and lay down some ground work to give yourself options as everyone did in college. However, even as you smiled sweetly and laughed at their mediocre jokes, your mind always seemed to revert to the fact that they weren't who you really wanted. And yet, you trudged on, giving out sly touches and coy glances all the while ignoring the nagging sensation burning at the back of your brain.

“I have to go to the washroom.” Haerin leaned in close to tell you after a while. Shuffling to the stairs, you assured her that you’d be fine waiting on the main level for her, not wanting to fight your way through the throngs of people unnecessarily.

And so, here you were. Back against the wall with the rim of your cup touching your bottom lip, you fiddled with the hem of your long sleeve crop top that you’d paired with a faux suede skirt despite the chilly weather. Taking a moment for yourself, you noted that Taehyung and Luna weren’t where they had been before. Tugging out your phone that you’d tucked into the pocket of your oversized jean jacket for safekeeping, you shot Taehyung a quick text asking where he was and letting him know where you were. Storing your phone back away, you glanced up the stairs as it had been a little while. Wondering what was taking so long, you shifted your weight from foot to foot impatiently. A few minutes passed. Then another few. And another. When you were nearing the 20 minute mark and the end of your rope, you heaved a sigh, coming to the conclusion that she’d either met someone or had been dragged off by someone else. Resigning yourself to having to play mom and find her, you were just about to start your search when you heard a familiar voice rasp, “hey.”

All the warmth that had accumulated in you seemed to seep out of every pore, your eyes growing wide as you swiveled your head toward the intruder. Drooping, ink eyes captured your, a telltale glaze across them that made him look spaced out though he was looking right at you. You gave him a once over, his black jeans sticking close to him while his grey shirt and plaid combo did the opposite. Clearing your throat a little, your eyes raked back up to his, your indifferent facade cracking when you spotted a knowing smirk on his lips. Moving the plastic cup away from your mouth, you spoke as you always did to him,“hey.”

“You ran away this morning.” He stated.

“Ah,” a blush touched your cheeks, “I forgot my notebook in my dorm.”

He nodded but his features displayed something akin to disappointment, stepping closer when someone grazed his back. “You seemed like you were in a hurry.”

You could smell the lingering scent of beer wafting toward you when he spoke, “I didn’t want to be late.”

He quirked a brow, never being one to fall for someone's bullshit. “Y/N, you’re late everyday.”

“Am not,” you quipped back though the corner of your mouth betrayed you by curling upward. “I didn’t know you kept a record of my attendance.”

He chuckled lowly, “I don’t, but it’s hard not to notice when Taehyung seems to vibrate like a puppy when you come in.”

A laugh tumbled out of you at that, the mental image appearing behind your eyes. Yoongi grinned back, a hand coming out to rest on your lower back, tugging you closer as someone tried to get by the two of you. The giggling died down as his hand felt like it was scorching through your jacket. Your chests were only a small distance away now and you found yourself absentmindedly leaning in closer to his warmth. That tug in your chest roaring to life and inching you closer. Eyes meeting his, the smile he’d worn had dissipated into a line. He didn’t remove his hand completely, but instead let it drift to the hem of your skirt. Skin skimmed your thigh as he fingered the fabric, his expression one you’d never seen him with before, but tantalizing all the same. A flash of pink wet his lip, voice low when he spoke, “You look good.”

“Thanks.” A current of titillation shocked your core, rendering yourself unable to say anything more than that. Dark irises fluttered between your lips and eyes, the distance between you carving away. However, as soon as he leaned down just enough to grant you vision behind him, you spotted Jimin talking to some blonde in the corner. Immediately the anticipation that was threatening to boil over, died down into a faint ripple. Before you could catch yourself, you muttered, “You really are good, aren’t you?”

Halting, Yoongi’s brow furrowed in confusion. Straightening, he looked lost as he replied, “good at what?”

But you never got to reply, a voice interrupting you, “Min Yoongi!”

Recognizing the deep tone which belonged to Taehyung, the pair of you shot apart, your skin mourning when Yoongi's no longer graced yours. Yoongi put on an impressively bored face, looking behind you at your sloppy friend who trudged over to throw an arm over you. “What?”

“Ugh,” you winced, attempting to shove Taehyungs hand off your shoulder. “Tae, you reek of booze.”

“Sorry, some guy spilled a full beer on me,” he gazed down at you apologetically, before sharpening his eyes and glaring at Yoongi, making you want to shrink and hide. “Don’t you have somewhere else to be?”

“Me?” Yoongi asked, bewildered. “No? Why would I?”

It was silent for a second as Taehyung glowered at him. “Well, whatever. You’re not allowed to hang out with Y/N today. So sorry. Go hang out with that chick from the other night.”

Yoongi’s head cocked to the side, “Who?”

“You know who!” Taehyung exclaimed, drunkenly pushing a finger into his friends chest. Yoongi glanced at you for help, but all you could do was stare down at the ground mortified. In any other situation, you probably would’ve keeled over laughing at Taehyung’s grandpa act. Now? Not so much. I’m going to kill him. “The one Jimin wanted to know about this morning. Go hang with her, Y/N is mine tonight.”

“Taehyung!” Smacked him in the chest at his suggestive words. “Can you not say it like that?!”

Taehyungs bottom lip jutted out, pouting while Yoongi started to put pieces together. “Wait, you mean that one?”

He pointed at the girl Jimin was with.

“Yeah! Jimin wouldn’t shut up about her all morning, saying how hot she was and that he had to ask you for her number and blah, blah, blah.” With each new word that Taehyung spat out, the more you wished you could just run away, praying that Yoongi wouldn’t connect the dots.

“Tae, where is Luna?” You asked, trying to make an escape route before it went any further.

“I left her on the porch because I saw you and Yoongi through the window. Why?”

“Is that why you avoided me today?” It was like someone dumped ice on you, your jaw clenching and your eyes catching Yoongi’s, realization shining in their depths.

“Of course it’s not,” Taehyung replied, inadvertently outing you. “Idiot--”

“Taehyung!” The sound of Lunas garbled speech rang in your ears. Turning to the sound of her voice, she stumbled toward your group, bumping into almost every person.

“Oh, Christ.” You muttered.

“I forgot to say,” Taehyung murmured beside you, “She’s kinda really drunk.”

“No shit.” You replied, catching Lunas arm as she neared you and dragging her toward you.

“Y/N!” She grinned while swaying in your grasp, untroubled by her own level of intoxication. Yawning once, she rubbed her eyes and slurred, “What time is it?”

“It’s late,” You lied; it was only 1 am. “Wanna go?”

She nodded while Taehyung let go of you to swing her arm over his shoulder for support, his hand gripping her waist tightly to keep her steady. “I’ll take her outside.”

“Okay,” you replied, moving her hair out of her face and resisting the overwhelming urge to take a picture as her head lolled back. “I’ll find Haerin, but don’t leave without me, okay?”

Taehyung nodded, his own drunken stupor seeming to have worn off a bit due to the situation. Surging forward, you watched as Taehyung did his best to usher her toward the door. Luna wasn’t a big help though, stopping every few seconds to talk to someone and telling Taehyung to slow down. Yoongi's hand encasing your wrist diverted your attention away.

Oh yeah, the conversation you’d been having, or rather he and Taehyung had been having, coming back to mind, that. Dread consumed you, glancing at him unwillingly. He jutted his chin toward the staircase. “Come with me for a minute.”

He didn't seem to notice the reluctance in your voice when you responded, “Okay.”

Tugging, he lead you through the crowd, cutting a path for you as he weaved. Most people parted for him on the staircase as he guided you up, glancing back to make sure you were okay every few seconds. However, a few grumbled in annoyance when he bumped shoulders with them or interrupted a couple from more intimate activities. As always, he paid no mind to other people's opinions and simply put on his icy stance that he used with most anyone who was a stranger. Not rude, but more apathetic. Reaching the top, he took you down the hallway. He didn’t stop at the first few doors, but instead waited until you neared the back of the large house to start jiggling handles and peeking inside rooms for occupants. Once he found an empty one, he pulled you inside, closing the door and latching the lock.

Letting go of your wrist, you smoothed the palms of your hands on your skirt. Much to your own dismay, he still made you giddy, something each guy downstairs had failed to do. You found yourself tracking his movements and studying them so closely that your resolution that he was just some guy you wanted to fool around with wavered. Clasping your digits together in front of you, you tried to slow your pounding heart, hoping Yoongi wouldn't notice how tense you were. The room was quiet, only the muffled sounds of the party filling the silence.

“I never took you as the jealous type.” A vivid shade of red dusted your cheeks at his words.

“I’m not.” You replied, refusing to let yourself slip and put yourself in a vulnerable position.

Yoongi stepped toward you, gently reaching out to tuck away a stray strand of hair behind your ear before shoving his hands in his pockets. Locking eyes, you struggled to tell what he was thinking, which you assumed was something about you completely and utterly embarrassing yourself in front of him multiple times. “So, that’s not why you left the table this morning a half hour before class started?”

“I told you I forgot my notebook.” It was apparent that your excuse wasn’t going to appease him this time around by the tired look he gave you. Sighing, you crossed your arms and admitted a portion of the truth, “I also didn’t want to hear about your new notch. Satisfied?”

“A little.” He shrugged, a small triumphant grin adorning his lips. “Although, you probably should’ve stuck around.”

“What do you mean?” You replied, a little annoyed by how cryptic he was being, wishing that he would just be blunt like he usually was.

“If you’d stayed, you’d know that I never slept with her.” He explained. “Namjoon did.”

“Oh,” was all you could say, though a heavy sense of relief that you didn’t quite understand made you feel warm. Before you knew it, a smile crept up on your lips. You tried to quell it at soon as you’d noticed by biting the inside of your cheek.

“Satisfied?” He repeated after you.

Peering at him sheepishly through your lashes, you nodded. You did your best not to quake from the way he glanced down at you, a little smug. The wall you usually encountered was no longer present, like he was choosing to allow you even the smallest access. The unabashed lust in his irises set you at ease, knowing he felt even a fraction of the attraction that you did. Distantly, you pondered whether this was all apart of his deck of cards, though you couldn’t really bring yourself to care. If it was, it was a damn good card and you weren't a sore loser. At least, not right now. Feeling foolhardy from your previous actions, you couldn’t help but spill the truth now, if anything just to explain why you’d acted so rash, “you know, I’m usually not like this.”

“Like what?” He said lowly as you unfolded your arms and reached out to grab hold of the edges of his plaid shirt.

“This shaken up by someone,” feeling a little more calm now from talking about how you were feeling as you fiddled with the fabric, you steeled yourself and took the first step as you edged him closer. “There’s something about you that makes me so annoyingly interested in you. Usually, I’m much more of a casual person about this stuff and not quite so--”

“Jealous?” He smirked.

“No, I don’t like that word.” You scrunched your nose, bodies just about touching while Yoongi let you drag him in, hands still in his pockets. “More like… eager.”

“That’s too bad.” He rasped.

“Why is that?” His hand slid out of his right pocket to toy with the band of your skirt.

“I liked watching you act like you didn’t care.”

“Why? You like it when girls act cold to you?” You teased.

“No,” he grinned devilishly, making your core tighten. “It just means I can have more fun with you.”

Your breathing was heavy with need, as he hooked a surprisingly cold finger into the band he’d been playing with and coaxed you forward to close whatever remained of the gap between you. Lips pillowed yours in a short kiss before coming back for more. His hand slowly creeping to your back, one finger still underneath the fabric of your skirt. Pecks became fervent, gradually getting longer and longer in duration. Frustration started to build up as he moved away whenever you thought you were going to get more. Eventually, you couldn’t stand it anymore, reaching up and grasping the collar of his shirt with one hand while the other encased the side of his neck, wrenching him down to you. The rumble of a laugh tickled your lips as he slid out his other hand from his pocket and let it join the other. Electricity seemed to dance through your body, lighting you up with pleasure when his tongue finally swiped along your bottom lip. You were quick to grant him access as a hand slid lower on your body to caress the top of your butt cheek. Keening when his tongue met yours in a play for power, you wound your digits into his hair. Soft strands fluttered against your skin. The hand on your ass inched lower, squeezing hard in time with the motions of your mouths and pressing you against his groin. Fingers tightened their hold on his hair in response, making him grunt. He was mistaken if he thought you were one to be obedient.

Sliding your hands down to his chest, you maintained the kiss as you backed him toward the bed. When his knees knocked yours, you broke away from him, a smirk on your face as you pushed him backwards onto the mattress. Leering at you slyly, he waited patiently for you to crawl on top of him, kissing his body over the fabric of his shirt on your way up to his lips. Settling down on his lap, you felt yourself clench when his hard-on pressed against your center. Lips touched his once before kissing down into his neck. You quickly gathered that Yoongi wasn’t a very vocal partner, which honestly you could have deduced just from the way he is in everyday life. Sucking on the skin under his jaw, you knew you found his sweet spot when he clenched his jaw, suppressing a moan. Smiling to yourself, you increased your pressure, forcing the blood toward the surface of his skin to create a nice plum blemish on his porcelain skin tone. Slowly, you began to rock yourself back and forth over his jeans, your underwear bunching and rubbing against your core. Hearing his breathing growing laboured, you sped up, grinding down harder on him. His head tilted to the side, giving you more space to work with, moving to create another mark that would show that he was yours, if only for tonight. Hands stroked your bare thighs as you shimmied a hand under his shirt, climbing higher up your legs before delving to your backside. With every motion you made, you felt his torso clench with pleasure, resisting the urge to rut up into you. Flipping up your skirt, his hands clutched your flesh so hard that you were sure he’d leave behind marks of his own. Helping your motions, you mewled into his neck after a particularly harsh squeeze, to which his shaft twitched. Your fingers traced down his abdomen to the waist of his jeans. Just as you freed the button from its confines, the jingle of your phone sounded from your jacket pocket.

Stilling above him, you swore. Letting your weight rest in his lap, you rooted around in your pocket for the device, grimacing when you saw Haerin’s name on the screen. Accepting the call, you muttered a curt, “Hello?”

“Hey, where are you?” The skin of your lips was pinched by your teeth as Yoongi drew shapes on your inner thigh.

“I’m, um,” you had to pause to keep yourself from moaning when Yoongi wriggled below you, a dark look daring you to continue. Clearing your throat you placed a hand on his chest, digging your nails in to the fabric as a warning, though he merely smirked and continued drawing on your legs. “I’m upstairs. Why?”

“Oh, fuck, are you with a guy?” Haerin asked, to which you simply hummed in confirmation. Yoongi suddenly sat up, his lips brushing over your collar bones making your thoughts fuzzy as you tired your best to focus on your conversation with Haerin. “I’m sorry Y/N, I’d handle it by myself but I can’t take care of both Tae and Luna.”

A faint sense of worry invaded your bubble of pleasure, one of Yoongi's hands pressing you closer to him by the small of your back. “What happened? They were fine when I saw them.”

“They passed out on the lawn.”

Yoongi paused his ministrations, hearing Haerin’s words too. Heaving a sigh, you placed a hand on his shoulder and lifted yourself off of him to stand. “Alright, i’ll be down in a sec.”

Ending the call, you fixed your skirt and hair while Yoongi buttoned his pants. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Yoongi reassured you, smoothing his collar and rubbing your lipstick off his neck. “I’ll take Taehyung home.”

“Thanks.” You giggled when you saw the traces of your lips staining his own. Licking your thumb, you gently rubbed the color away, teasing, “that’s a nice color on you.”

“You think?” He raised an eyebrow, catching your hand and swooping in to kiss you, replacing the color you wiped away. “I’d better keep it on then.”

You laughed and turned to the door, Yoongi’s fingers lacing together with yours. Each of you exited the room, faces still a little flushed while adorning grins. Yoongi stroked his thumb against yours, keeping you close as people glanced at you two and proceeded to whisper. You didn’t care though, still a little drunk off Yoongi's touch. Reaching the staircase, Yoongi speculated, “So how much you wanna bet that he threw up?”

“Oh, I don’t need to bet on that.”

#bts smut #Bts scenarios #yoongi scenarios #bts imagines #yoongi imagine #suga #suga imagine #suga scenario #bts fanfic #yoongi fanfic #suga fanfic #Yoongi

63 notes · View notes

samingtonwilson · 6 years

Text

Relationship Tutor: (8) Twenty-First Century Romanticism

relationship tutor masterlist

Summary: College AU. Bucky, a relationship novice, asks for your help in dating your friend. Unable to say no to him, you agree despite everyone and everything telling you not to.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: language

A/N: the “there’s a little man right here” line is my favorite. and lol im sorry about this but also, you’re fuckin welcome for it.

An eighteen-page close reading analysis was placed in Professor Pierce’s office mailbox by ten A.M. just as the instructions dictated to you.

You thought the setting of the thick stack of paper in his plastic cubby would have caused waves of relief to wash over you, but you only felt your anxiousness increase twofold. Because not only was Professor Pierce the biggest pain in your ass workload-wise, he also took a century and a half to grade any assignments.

Each time you so much as pictured his greying ginger hair, his creased pale skin, his thin lips that seemed to be perpetually chapped, you felt a prickling under your skin and behind your eyes. Although it was likely that the feeling was due to your lack of sleep, having slept a total of eight hours over the course of four days, you still strongly disliked the concept of Professor Alexander Pierce. Hell, even thinking his name was getting to you.

You shook your head and slung your bag onto your shoulder, your eyes on the screen of your phone as you exited the building. You replied to a few stray text messages from Sam and Steve, halting in your steps as you read over Natasha’s message three times.

You chose not to reply, tossing your phone onto the passenger’s seat of your car and ignoring each subsequent buzz for the sake of general safety and your especially small ability to multitask when your brain was as exhausted as it’d ever been.

You’d decided to call in sick for your shift at the library, muttering something to the elderly head librarian in a voice you hoped sounded hoarse and nasally, because you thought you deserved it. You deserved to lay in bed, to watch television and eat junk food by the shovelful.

You had to repeat that last sentence to Sam several times when he’d requested that you go with him to Clint’s party. He tried to convince you by repeating that it was a Friday, that you needed to get off-your-ass drunk, that you needed to catch yourself another bomb ass lay.

You didn’t particularly disagree with the latter two points, you just thought sleep was a greater priority— especially when you knew Bucky and Natasha would be there. Natasha was, after all, a close friend of Clint’s and it was nearly certain Bucky, a mere acquaintance of Clint’s, would tag along with Steve upon learning of her presence.

You hadn’t seen much of Bucky, likely due to your cave-dweller-like behavior throughout the last week and not at all due to Bucky’s lack of trying.

He’d come to check on you numerous times, turned away from your door when you refused to so much as crack it a fraction of an inch— you knew your bleary mind would cause you to pounce at just the sight of him. Unable to fully leave you be when he was so concerned, he made sure to drop-off any form of sustenance he could get his hands on when he knew Sam was in class.

You were beyond appreciative, but the gesture made your chest ache even more. It made you see him behind your eyelids each time you slept— see what you wanted to be, what you wished he wanted the two of you to be.

Standing at your door, you dug through your bag for your keys and growled in frustration. “Seriously?” you whined. “I just used you in the car and threw you in here three milliseconds ago!”

When a pair of shoes entered your downturned gaze, you lifted your eyes to meet a smirking Sam with his arms crossed over his chest as he leant against the frame of the door. “There a little man in there?”

“There’s a little man right here,” you said in a singsong voice, poking your index finger into his chest as you brushed past him to enter the apartment. “Okay, I’m gonna go sleep until the next century. Goodbye and goodnight, may you attain all the happiness the universe has to offer and may you never forget to use protection.”

“Not so fast,” he sang back, grabbing onto your wrist before you could escape down the hall to your room. “Barnes is on his way over, said to tell you because his texts aren’t delivering.”

You dug your phone from your pocket and sighed when the screen remained black despite the many times you pressed the lock button. “Battery must have died a minute ago. But since when is he considerate enough to announce his upcoming arrivals?”

“Since he walked in here with you pantsless and Stark satiated.”

Your lips fell into a disgusted scowl. “Please never say ‘satiated’ again.”

He nodded with a laugh as he picked up his backpack and crammed in a textbook. “Made extra waffles this morning if you’re hungry.”

“Marry me, Samela,” you shouted, racing to the kitchen and immediately retrieving a plate. “Have a good day in class.”

“Have a good day sleepin’ ya ass off!” he returned, shutting the door behind him and promptly locking it.

You practically moaned as you scarfed down bite, after bite, after bite of the fluffy waffles doused in maple syrup, your eyes slipping shut when you sat back in your chair at the table.

A loud, incessant knocking at the door broke you from your reverie and you growled to yourself. “Yeah, yeah. I’m coming.”

You opened the door with an added dramatic flair you didn’t think you had the energy for, your eyes rolling as soon as you saw him. “Seriously?”

His smile turned into a frown quickly, sidestepping you to enter and crossing to the kitchen to fix himself a plate as well. You figured he must have caught onto the smell. “That’s a nice way to say hello. Hospitality is really your specialty.”

“You have a spare key, Buck. I had no reason to get up.”

“It’s for emergencies.”

“Me getting eight hours of sleep over the course of four days constitutes enough of an emergency.” You sat in your seat once again and picked up your fork to take another bite. “Don’t you have class in a bit?”

“Skipping.”

“What’s your excuse?”

He shrugged as he sat beside you. “Felt like it. Aced my quiz last week, I’m all caught up on readings, and I’m allowed three absences.”

“Wow, look at you.” You applauded him with a playful smile, spearing one of the strawberries on his plate. “You’re excelling.”

He smiled back, his cheeks puffed out from the bite he’d just taken. “I am, huh?”

Shaking your head, you sat back again and crossed your legs at the knee under the table. “Are you going to Clint’s tonight?”

“Thought about it. Doesn’t really feel like my scene.”

“A party with alcohol, weed, and beer pong doesn’t feel like your scene?” you asked, cocking an eyebrow. “In what sort of alternate universe have I arrived?”

He laughed sarcastically and narrowed his eyes into a glare, steel blue even more metallic.

“You know, Nat’ll be there.”

“She told me last night.”

You frowned in what appeared to be consideration but was actually the result of the plummeting of your stomach. You decided to gush instead. “Ooh,” you cooed. “Is that date number two for you crazy kids?”

He scoffed. “Maybe it is.”

“I’m guessing the half-like has bloomed into a full-like, then?”

You were answered only with a wordless shrug, his gaze falling to his plate to stare at the remaining berries and cut-up waffle.

“You sleep with her yet?” you asked jokingly, wiggling your eyebrows suggestively and reaching over intending to poke his stomach repeatedly, but you stopped after one poke. You stared at him in sudden bewilderment. “Do you have a slab of limestone under there? How are you so rock solid?” you poked him three more times. “What the fuck? You eat all day!”

He slapped your hand away with another glare. “First of all, that feels fantastic,” he told you sarcastically. “Secondly, I haven’t slept with her.”

You tilted your head with furrowed eyebrows. Your blood seemed to cool. “You haven’t?”

“Don’t look so shocked, I told you I fully intended on taking this slow.”

“I know, I just didn’t think you meant this slow.”

“Why?” His eyes were a bit wider. “Is this too slow?”

You shook your head quickly. “No, no, no. It’s not. It’s just slow for you. I mean, maybe you should stay celibate until you two hit, like, six months.”

“Don’t mix sarcasm with seriousness. I can’t tell them apart as easily.”

You wanted to tell him no part of that was sarcastic, but laughed anyway. “Do you have an idea of when you want to, for the lack of better words, do it?”

He shook his head, polishing off his glass of juice and leaning back in his chair once he’d finished his waffles as well. “Nope. Do you have any idea of what an appropriate time is?”

“Buck, there’s no set time. It’s right when it’s right.”

“I just feel like it’ll be right when I’m more sure about it, when I’m deeper into it than just being attracted to her. When I feel something— anything.”

“If that’s when you think it’s right and Natasha’s fully into it, then that’s when it’ll be right.”

“Honestly, I’m surprised she hasn’t jumped your bones yet,” you laughed a moment later, looking away from him to focus on the picture frame behind him.

He leant forward, placing his elbows on the table. “Why? Has she said anything?”

She hadn’t, you just would’ve jumped his bones by now. “Ha, I’m not telling you.”

“You’re supposed to tutor me through this!”

“Not by offering up insider information!” you argued, rolling your eyes. “What was your first kiss like?”

“First kiss with her?”

“No, your first kiss with that blonde in 4-A,” you mumbled dryly. “Yes, your first kiss with her!”

He was looking at you sheepishly when you met his gaze again. “I haven’t actually— We haven’t kissed yet.”

Your eyes widened. “What? How many leaves are you turning?”

“You never told me I could!”

You laughed incredulously. “You don’t need my permission!”

You rose from the table with your plate in-hand, hearing his chair scrape across the floor as you walked into the kitchen. You held your hand out for his dish, placing both in the sink and flipping the water on.

“I guess I want to be sure before that, too.”

You squeezed too much lime scented dish soap onto the yellow sponge, hyper-aware of his eyes on you as he stood leaning against the counter. “When was the last time you were sure that you really liked someone before you kissed them?”

“Middle school,” he chuckled with a single shake of his head. “What about you?”

You set one of plates, now clean, into the basket and started scrubbing the next. “Sophomore year of high school.”

He nodded and motioned for you to explain.

“I really liked the guy that sat in front of me in chemistry, he really liked me. He passed me a note to meet him behind the library after school.” You sighed as you flipped the faucet off, setting the other plate into the basket. “He gently backed me into the stucco wall, apologized when he realized I scraped my elbow, and kissed me while we were laughing about it.”

You glanced at Bucky and placed your hands atop the wet granite bordering the sink, scowling at his amused smile. “Stop, don’t make fun of me. It was very high school and very cute.”

“Sounds cute. Very cliché, though. I wouldn’t think you’d be into that.”

You turned to lean your hip against the counter. “What do you think I’d be into?”

“I don’t know. Something less like a Nicholas Sparks novel.”

“I’ve changed since high school.”

He nodded, eyes not wavering from you. “I’m sure you have.”

You were tempted to lean into the warmth you felt rolling off his body, clearing your throat and focusing on the refrigerator door instead. “How do you plan on kissing Nat?”

He shrugged a shoulder. “I was just gonna—”

“If you say you’re just gonna ‘plant one on her,’ I’ll throw up all over you.”

He pushed at your shoulder and laughed when you looked at him. “I have moves, you know.”

Words tumbled from your lips before you could help it. “Yeah? Show me.”

“What?” his voice sounded a bit disbelieving, his smile reflecting the same.

“Show me! Show me a move and I’ll tell you if she’d like it.”

He shook his head to himself and pushed off the counter. “Not to sound like Mr. Chemistry, but I’d back her into something, too. Gently, give her adequate space to leave if she wants,” he told you as he approached you, your backside pressed against the edge of the counter.

His eyes stayed in yours. “Eye contact is key.”

You thought he might be able to hear your heartbeat, the sound thundering in your own ears to the point that all other noises were muted. You stared back at him and loosened your grip on the granite before dropping your arms limply by your side.

“I’d hold onto her,” he continued, a strong arm snaking around your waist so you arched away from the counter and into him, your chests together. A shaky exhale left his lips and you risked a flitted glance in their direction. His arm tightened as he added, “Maybe a little closer.”

The slate blue of his irises was almost molten, his thick eyelashes practically able to brush against your skin, you couldn’t remember if he’d managed an inhale.

You looked at his lips once more, thankful that his grip was holding you up.

He appeared as if he wanted to say something but he only leant in closer, stopping so there was barely a centimeter between you. “Then—”

You closed the distance, kissing him as softly and briefly as you could. You broke away only enough to look over his shut eyes, his parted lips that left a glimmer of hope alive— a hope that he might be just as wrecked as you were.

And you kissed him again.

A groan was pulled from his chest as you let him deepen the kiss and it took just the setting of your hand under his jaw for the kiss to grow warmer, harder, more desperate. Another groan rumbled through him, almost eliciting a moan from you.

Your fingers tangled through the growing hair that fell to the nape of his neck, a teasingly gentle tugging of the strands rewarded with a gasp and a nip to your bottom lip.

Had your lungs not been so drained, you would have stayed there longer, kissing him until your lips grew numb. But you pulled away, eyelids heavy and heart aching behind your ribs with every forceful thump.

You opened your eyes fully and were met with a gaze you could only describe as scorching, needy, and contradictorily relieved.

He then tilted his head and the illusion broke, two of your fingers involuntarily touching your lips.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t— I haven’t slept in, like, half a lifetime,” you explained with a shake of your head. “And I’m really— I’m basically delirious and I should—”

You shook your head again and mustered a smile. “Natasha would like that. You should do it,” you told him while suppressing disappointment when his arms loosened and fell from your body. “I’m gonna— I should sleep. Feel free to leave whenever you want.”

PART 9: INTERMEDIATE REPRESSION

tag list EVEN THOUGH NONE OF YOU ARE GETTING NOTIFIED if you’re crossed off your tag isn’t working! (send me an ask to be added): @sweetstilesofmine @dugan365 @lowkeysebby @eufeme @marveling-at-marvel@anyakinamidala @spookyscaryscully @sighodinson @feelmyroarrrr @sarahp879@spidey-linquentimagines @mackenziesmarvelousgalaxy @aholland01 @lostinspace33@clairedycat1810 @softwhispers @apolleo @sebstancial@buckylovelybarnes@chrys-1029 @sheddingpounds @brooke-supernatural16 @seargantbcky@someonekindalikeyou@marvel-trash07 @chuckennuggets1213 @captainmisfit13@ailynalonso15@lilypalmer1987 @nasasoldier@snuggleducky @acebabe@melswolf19 @e-g-b-o-k @iamzion-therealhabesha @fancybasementpersona @hercrazyfandomobsession@ohmybuckybarnes @sarahp879 @lovely-geek @void-imaginations @mad-girl-without-a-box @stomachfilledwithbutterflies@joulien @followeroonieclassic @tomdarlingholland@rebelfuckingblack @bakerstgirl@starkxpotts@jimmyisfab @normalperson1351 @jehun-prouvaire @peachy-vixen @mcheung0314@wowbarnes @thiccmillions@sumafamouxx @quinn-n-quill @amcrasnow @wheneggsymetbucky @krockszz @brokenanxiety @addictionmarvel @closerstars @captainradicalpassion @rockagurl @directionerfae @shawnsassymendes @irella-nyari @cadence-jeannette @rebel-emerald @blacwings-and-bucky-barnes @little-miss-headphones@winternatalias @iwishiwasnicki @writingcroissant @finallybreathee @saul-buttson@potterglory @samijolles @justahappylilblog @rebeljupiter

#bucky #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader angst #bucky barnes x reader fluff #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes au #bucky barnes college au

1K notes · View notes

choisgirls · 7 years

Note

This is my first time requesting a headcannon from anyone! ((I'm asking you guys because I love how you guys write, it's amazing!)) I was wondering if you could do a RFA + V + Saeran reaction to MC accidentally taking a drug thinking it's candy? ((You don't have to do this if it's too weird or something!! I'm sorry!! ;-; I'm so embarrassed lol))

A/N: Me?? the first??? i am hoNOURED ;u; HHHNNNNN I HOPE THIS ISOKAY SORRY I STRAYED FROM THE “THINKING ITS CANDY” PART SOMETIMES;;;;~Admin 404

Me @ Saerans: im sorry no im not

Idk if this is a TW or anything but… drug mention warning??Right here??

*YOOSUNG:

-Yo he goesto /college/. /COLLEGE PARTIES MY FRIENDS./

-He doesn’tnormally go but friends invited him, and he invited you! Totally wasn’t becausehe wanted to show you off to people??? No????

-But youseemed a little more comfortable at these things than he did, you evendisappeared for a little while

-He spentalmost an hour trying to find you amongst the sea of people, and when he didfind you, you seemed confused, dazed, and just completely out of it

-Tried askingyou what was wrong and all you could do was stare at him with your eyes glossedover for a solid minute before you reacted to him actually being there

-When youmade sense of his presence, you smiled and welcomed him very slowly beforesticking your tongue out to touch it

-“Yoosung,is my tongue big? Is it.. big.. oh my god its growing. What if it won’t fit inmy mouth anymore?? YooSUNG WHaT WiLL I Do?!”

-You nolonger had volume control over your voice and he is very concerned. One secondyou’re yelling, the next you’re whispering. What was wrong with you?? You werestarting to scare him;;

-It took asolid 5 minutes for you to explain to him that someone had offered you somechocolate and you never turned down chocolate! But he remembered hearingsomeone say something about “edibles”.. is.. is that what it was? Didyou mistakenly take drugs?! Why weren’t you more careful?!

-Strugglesto carry you home- arm thrown around his shoulder as his arms around your hip,the two of you have to stop every now and again because you’re contemplatingeverything around you. Once he’s got you home, he immediately tucks you into bed.Of course he went to the group chat to figure out what he should do, andSaeyoung told him to just make sure you slept it off.

-In themorning he lectured you that you can’t take chocolate from people you don’tknow!! Especially if it doesn’t smell right- what in the world made you thinkit was safe;; Also, now refuses invites to parties because he doesn’t want totake you to another one and have this happen again

*ZEN:

-HE WAS INA MOTORCYCLE GANG YOU CAN PRY THE THOUGHT THAT HE’S NEVER DONE DRUGS OUT OF MYCOLD DEAD HANDS

-Whenstored correctly in an airtight baggy or pill bottle in the correct conditions,it’s possible to preserve ecstasy pills for /years/ at a time.

-Cue springcleaning when the two of you are going through old boxes and clothing and youfind this small bag full of smiley face shaped things. They looked like shapedsweettarts and those are the type of candies that you eat when you find them,you never go out of your way to get them yourself, so you thought why not.Though it wasn’t sour, it was just really bitter and nasty and there was no wayyou were going to eat another one

-But whenZen came in to check on you after finishing his own portion of cleaning, hefound you chewing the fabric of your shirt. Why were you chewing your shirt?Were you hungry? Were you focusing? Did you need him to get you some gum???Stop doing that!!!!

-When younoticed him come into the room, your face immediately lit up. You gave him thebiggest smile you could manage, and you started to welcome him into the room.But welcoming him turned into talking about his clothes. Talking about hisclothes led to talking to him about the room. Talking about the room led totalking about him. And talking about him led to a 10 minute long ramble thatconsisted of repeating “I love you so much” and telling him howgorgeous he was.

-Of course,that was a favourite topic amongst the two of you normally, but you justseemed… off this time. You seemed… /too/ excited to talk about him. Too inlove. Too…. happy

-He satdown in front of you to take a good look at your eyes and read your actions.You smiled at him all over again and the very second you touched his face he/knew/ what had happened.

-“WHEREDID YOU GET THAT. MC. RIGHT NOW. WHERE DID YOU GET THAT.” “Zenny~ Getwhat? Why are you yelling? Oh! Are we cheering? I can cheer! YAY ZEN YA-”“No no, sweetheart, sit down, please.”

-After fightingto get you to show him what you took, he was mortified. E-ecstasy? Where didyou get that? It was his? When did he have this? HOW LONG AGO DID HE CLEAN OUTHIS CLOSET?

-He got youa styrofoam cup full of water, he knew at some point you were going to bethirsty, /and/ need to chew on something. He didn’t want you to chew on yourclothes anymore, nor did he want you to accidently bite your tongue;;

-For oncehe’s silent the rest of the day, making sure you’ve got something to chew on,listening to you ramble on and on about how nice the house is and how amazingyou thought he was. Definitely made sure to get rid of that baggy… and gothrough a few other boxes from him gang days to make sure there was nothingelse in there. Definitely lectures you on eating things you randomly find inold boxes among other things;

*JAEHEE:

-MC who inthe world thinks accepting any sort of offer in a bathroom is okay??

-You getoffered some chocolate in the bathroom, most people would immediately decline.Who.. who accepts that? MC? Why?

-Younoticed it tasted a little gross but you didn’t want to be rude and spit it outin front of the people offering it to you, so you finished the piece and madeyour way back to the dinner table where Jaehee was waiting.

-She was alittle concerned when she could smell the drug, but she didn’t think you didanything of the sort, and chalked it up to be someone near your table.

-However,once your eyes started to turn a little red and glazed over, she decided thatyou must have truly taken the drug, and paid the bill as quickly as possible soshe could get you home.

-On thewalk home was when it really kicked in. You kept telling her how soft her handswere, because you couldn’t remember that you had just told her the exact samething, word for word.

-Youstumbled a little when you walked and kept trying to sit in the middle of thesidewalk because your legs felt like jelly.

-At onepoint you started to cry because you weren’t sure why in the world anyone woulddrop their half eaten pretzel on the ground and leave it there, where evenbirds couldn’t reach it to eat. She couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculousyou sounded, though she was still extremely angry that you had taken drugs onyour date??

-Once shegot you home and you sat down, she watched as your head would dip down beforeyou snapped it right back up to look at her. Apparently you kept blacking outin the matter of seconds before you woke back up and she wanted you to just laydown and sleep.

-Figured itcouldn’t hurt to ask you just what happened back at the restaurant. You toldher about the people in the bathroom who offered you some of their chocolateand you kept giggling because you couldn’t believe someone would be nice enoughto just offer some chocolate to a stranger in the bathroom. That’s when itclicked that you had no idea what was hiding within the sweet.

-Made yousleep it off the rest of the night. You better believe you’re getting one ofthe biggest, emotion-filled lectures of your life the moment you wake upbecause she needs to tell you about the dangers of just blindly taking ANYTHINGfrom strangers??? And she also had to explain to you what you had even done?And what was in the chocolate you decided to eat. Momma Jaehee, scolding you2kforever.

*JUMIN:

-Being hiss/o can be dangerous and let me explain why for just a second

-Of course,being the s/o of someone as popular (and handsome.. and rich… and powerful..)as Jumin Han, there is not only a lot of attention thrown your way, but there’salways someone who gets jealous (whether of you or of him)

-So, youalways have to be on your toes because you never know what might happen, orwhat someone might do to you. Of course you have bodyguards but sometimes theycan slip up as well.

-Like, notnoticing that someone had slipped something into your drink?

-Normally,Jumin watches you and your surroundings like a hawk because he’s alwaysconcerned for you, but this time even he was distracted talking business with apotential new client and didn’t see it happen.

-Luckilyfor the two of you, you had left the party early to head home, but on the waythere, whatever you had drank started to kick in.

-Your legsgave out right before you passed the doorway and he caught you just in time.Completely distraught, and carried you quickly to the couch. Tried to ask youwhat was wrong, but you couldn’t get the words out of your mouth, all it endedup sounding like was one large mumble. You seemed to struggle to move yourlimbs until you couldn’t anymore.

-Immediatelycalled a doctor to make a house visit. He didn’t care how late it was, he’d paywhatever he had to, so long as he could find out what was happening to you. Andafter the doctors analysis, it was obvious that someone had tried to slip you aRohypnol without you realizing it, and he was glad he brought you home beforeanything else had happened.

-Not only doeshe increase his security in general, but he assigns a specific body guard towatch your drinks the next time the two of you went out as well as one to stayclose by you at all times at said parties.

-Stays nextto you the whole time, never sleeping until you’re able to come to. He blameshimself the whole time and cannot help but think of every possible scenariothat could have happened to you that night. He knows it isn’t your fault, buthe’s still just so worried about you. He’s never been more stressed.

-Hepromises to take care of you better from then on. He would never let anyonehurt you again, no matter what it took. The two of you have to hold each otherin reassurance (obviously whenever you’re feeling alright and are okay with it,he understands that it’s a scary occurrence and realizes it’s quite possiblefor you to be jumpy and not want to be touched for a large amount of timeafterwards)

*SAEYOUNG:

-You can’ttell me he doesn’t have various drugs he uses as weapons on missions, you justcan’t.

-He tellsyou to stay out of the room where he keeps his equipment, but do you listen?Yeah usually

-But youfelt bad that Vanderwood was the one who always had to clean everything, so youdecided you would help out and clean a few rooms! His equipment room being oneof them.

-Now,Saeyoung is known to leave food around. Everywhere. And I mean, any type offood as well. Half empty chip bags, week old slices of pizza, a slice oflasagna you made three weeks ago- that’s disgusting Saeyoung.

-So comingacross something that looks almost candy like isn’t really uncommon in yourhousehold. Though, whatever you just picked up and decided to throw in yourmouth was not… your best decision.

-A whilelater, you managed to stumble into the room where Saeyoung was sitting, typingaway at his computer. You kept trying to talk but all your words stumbled andyou couldn’t think straight. You kept stumbling and felt your knees gettingweak. He looked over right as you fell to the ground and he’s never run over toyou faster in his life

-Soconcerned, he kept asking what was wrong and watched you try to talk, but notonly was your mouth unable to move, your body went limp. He recognized thesymptoms immediately and called out to Vanderwood to come help the two of you

-He laidyou in bed and got you some water and just tried to get you to sleep- there wasno other way to get it out of your system but wait it out

-Vanderwoodcame in with a judgmental look on their face, “Did they really just takesome random thing they found? Why do you have these lying around, Seven?”

-When youfinally came to, he was so relieved and was constantly apologizing before aswitch flipped and he started to scold you. What would possess you to just..eat something you found? What do you mean it looked like candy? He doesn’tleave food around! Okay.. yes he does.. but really, MC! Why were you in hisequipment room? W-why were you turning this around on him? He has that Rohypnolfor missions! You could just ask Vanderwood!

-Vanderwoodadmits to slipping them to Seven sometimes when they’re done dealing with him,how rude.

*JIHYUN:

-‘Jihyunwould never do drugs!’ -you, probably, at me. Me, at you, dear reader: ‘Rip thethought of it out of my cold, dead hands’

-Sometimeshe just has to calm down, the poor dude has dealt with so much shit and justneeds a little help to clear his mind and the tobacco pipe just doesn’t alwayshelp.

-Surprisinglylikes sour candy! So he gets some infused sour peach rings and they’re hisfavourites.

-But heneglected to tell you that they were infused?? And that you probably shouldn’teat them?? Nor should you eat more than a few…

-So when hecame home to find you laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, trying tocount how many times the fan spun around, he figured pretty quickly that youhad gotten into his candy and he sighed

-He laiddown next to you on the ground, watching the fan as well while he asked youwhat you had eaten to confirm his suspicions. When you told him you had somepeach rings, he couldn’t stop the soft laugh that came out afterwards

-Totallyeats a few as well so the two of you can just relax and practically melt intothe floor

-Youcouldn’t stop talking. Anything and everything that came to your mind came outof your mouth. It was slow and thought out, but still came out. Every word waslike heaven to his ears and he felt like he could just float along with yourvoice

-The two ofyou just talk and speculate about the future, about the past, sometimes the twoof you come up with extremely odd (but funny) thoughts about the rest of yourfriends

-You keptrunning your hand through his hair and kept telling him just how amazingly softit felt and he could just tell that you had way more than he had. He had toremember to lecture you not to eat every kind of candy you find.

-Or… toat least not eat as much as you did. And definitely not do it alone

*SAERAN (or… Ray *insert the eye emoji here*):

-“MC,here, I made this specially for you.”

-In thebottle was a bright, blue, sweet smelling liquid. You didn’t know what it was,exactly, but it was obviously very odd.

-You tookthe bottle. Ray hasn’t given you any sort of bad vibe or reason to not trusthim the whole time you’ve been here. Though, he kept telling you that steps hadto be taken to allow you to stay there, with him, for as long as you’d like.

-“MC,”he started, gently wrapping his hand around your own that held the bottle,“Please. Don’t you trust me? I care about you a lot..” his voicedropped off as he looked from your eyes to the ground.

-After adeep breath, you broke away from his grip to bring the bottle to your lips. Inone fluid motion, you let the sweet tasting liquid run down the back of yourthroat. It burned a bit going down, but immediately numbed afterwards.

-You methis eyes, as his face lit up with joy. Eyes started to sparkle, and his smilegrew bigger than you’ve seen it the past few days

-He tookyour hand in his, bringing it up to his lips to plant a small kiss on yourknuckles as he waited for the elixir to kick in. He watched, as you started tolightly shake and threw your hands to your head, holding it and squeezing youreyes shut.

-Your headstarted to pound as the room began to spin. Your eyes started to wateruncontrollably and you couldn’t make sense of any of your surroundings. Soundsmixed together and seems to scream in your ears. Your breath hitched in yourthroat and you started to gasp for air.

-Ray buriedhis hand into the hair at the back of your head, pulling you close to his chest

-He placeda small kiss to the top of your head, smirking against your hair softly

-“Youaren’t leaving me, MC.”

Masterlist

528 notes · View notes

nayeon-sadly-owns-me · 7 years

Text

So I read chapter two of Gold Dust By Stormymomo and came to an understanding that I have too many thoughts about this fic to let it go to waste. Warning, this will be longer than your average “review” more like analysis and recap split into 3 parts following something about theories if I’m up for it. As someone who will probably be on her way to a master’s degree in Psychology by the time Gold Dust is finished (exaggeration, I fucking hope I swear to-) it’s in my blood to analyze this fic to its core.

I can promise 4 things:

1) There is a 100% chance that my perception of its characters and story will not be accurate due to missing details we won’t know until the future part(s). I say 100% because it will need to be updated. In fact, I could have completely come up reasonings that are completely false all together.

2) There is a 110% chance that I am looking into this story Way Too Deep and someone will have to tell me to stop taking it so seriously. (I already have one person)

3) No really its super long. If no one reads this to completion I will understand 1000%. I wrote this for me and who ever is willing to read it. I tried not to include every scene despite the fact that nearly every scene is important and Stormy just writes so fucking much.

4) There will be grammar mistakes. Im the amateur of all amateurs.

Spoilers beyond here

Chapter 1-

Story

We get the first glimpse at our main protagonist who is more like an Anti-hero through the eyes of Jeongyeon and Jackson. Nayeon is an absolute wreck. She is a train bound for riding off its tracks and off a bridge and she could care less. She rejects all forms of help and shows off how spiteful she is towards the world and I don’t think an introduction could have been written better than this.

Right off the bat we get a clear understanding of how mentally unstable she is. Between her fiery comments towards anyone who comes near her to her fucked up smirk when she lets out a comment meant to tear down Jeongyeon’s soul.

Within the first part, we already come to our first major question- what happened that made Jeongyeon so angry? We know it has to do with Nayeon’s manipulative comment “Maybe it was you” and “what they were- almost were- “but we are left with only our imagination. This ties into why I don’t think a better introduction could have been written. Not only was there physical evidence to Nayeon’s fucked up state with her being high, but also mental/emotional evidence in the form of Jeongyeon and Nayeon’s conversation. It draws you in because it gives you no answers.

Another establishment? She will do anything to escape her own personal hell that she only has herself to blame for. Especially if it means killing her from the inside out, alone.

We begin to see that tiny speck of light in explaining Nayeon’s extremely problematic traits with her conversation with JYP. Nayeon restrains herself when her father is mentioned but loses her composure when her mother is mentioned. A rooted issue that will be brought up later, but was a decent way of slyly introducing a storyline that still has yet to be fleshed out.

If there is one thing about being a good author, it’s that you have to be able to create questions that cannot be answered with a simple sentence. If you can create questions that have no immediate answers then it will leave the reader coming back for more. Stormy nails this aspect whether it was intentional or not (probs was knowing her).

Although its brief, we get a glance that Nayeon feels as broken as she keeps wanting the world to see and feel. Her conversation about how things aren’t getting better and how she had set herself up for disappointment begins a foundation for wanting to understand her more. After an engaging first scene, we are now forced to come to terms with the fact that she is not 100% the spiteful fucked up mess we were initially led to believe.

So begins Nayeon’s therapy trips at the strong encouragement from JYP that Nayeon is too smart (or too prideful) to decline.

I have to applaud Stormy on being able to capture what being a Therapist is all about. It’s not about quick fixes but playing the long game. Each patient requires a different technique that works for them. I found it intriguing to read how small talk is the tactic that is most effective on her, although it is very time consuming in the long run. Both JYP and Seungyeon used it on her with positive results as time passed. It says a lot for a girl who prides herself on being alone and how she doesn’t care about anyone around her. More on this later.

The group therapy sessions are where we meet two subtle characters, Tzuyu and Chaeyoung although its not much.

Then of course we meet Momo and things begin to spiral from there. Nayeon’s established vibe of non-caring is forcefully thrown out the window because now there is someone there who is aware of who she is. This entire section was dedicated to her thinking about how Momo could ruin her reputation. Yet, Nayeon has made every attempt to appear uncaring of those around her and what they think. The first major contradiction of her thought process, and the first real moment you can see how her insecurities make her react.

We are quickly told that Momo is basically a loner with no friends by choice. Interesting how Nayeon, acknowledges this but choices to pry over Momo’s social status instead. It’s a good indication of where her interest lie.

Momo and Nayeons first encounter is intense to say the least. Nayeon expresses her insecurity for Momo to see, the way Momo expresses her “abandonment issues and inferiority complex” by displaying it on her hand for Nayeon to read. When Momo says that Nayeon isn’t there out of insecurity it feels like she’s half right/half wrong. Nayeon isn’t there because she wants help with her insecurities, she’s there BECAUSE of how her insecurities and demons have shaped her.

They described the bare bones of each others demons with ease, and I think that was the spark that grew into the wildfire that is their relationship. You live your life not having anyone care, and then suddenly someone is there to describe you in 5-10 seconds. It no doubt created a shift in both their lives.

Nayeon’s initial physical attraction to Momo could be seen a mile away. Leave it to Sana to be a form of catalyst to bring that aspect to light. Nayeon goes from thinking she has a pretty smirk to thinking she was attractive in .02 seconds. The first signs that she has claimed Momo starts and relatively speaking ends with Sana being involved.

If there is one thing I want, Momo storytelling wise, it’s to find out her relationship with Chaeyoung/Tzuyu. She is on good enough terms to even have a nickname with Chaeyoung and even communicate with Tzuyu in a way she will understand. For any other character, this would be silly to think about. They go to group therapy together, maybe for months/years? Of course they would find something to bond over. But this is Momo. The girl who is doesn’t want friends because they always leave. Here is Chaeyoung in a sense, leaving, even if she is coming back for sessions. Momo comforts Tzuyu on the matter pretty well despite having abandonment issues that plague her.

It’s hard to come up with the right words to explain why this scene bothered me. Momo has her own habits to combat her demons, but she isn’t good about explaining it. We don’t learn much about her reasoning behind them or even what they’re from. All we know is that she has embraced the fact that she is unable to be loved, cared for, and worthy of peoples time. These are irrational thoughts that have made it hard to swallow her relationship with these two. 2 things are established: Momo always leaves first from the meetings, and Momo doesn’t allow people to get too close to her. So, when did she get time to establish such a relationship and what made her want to?

You know you’re a good author when THIS is my only nitpick. It’s question that I’ve seen barely any indication of an answer and it is by far my most anxious one. I have full faith that Stormy can answer it to satisfaction though.

Moving on. Still with me?

Momo is a tricky character to understand without context. First she avoids everyone for years and then suddenly she’s fixated on Im Nayeon. It’s too the point that she casually strolls up to her because she wants to walk with her to their group session. Momo is seeking out her company. Recall back to the scene when they were playing the ‘Guess my baggage in 5 seconds’ game. Nayeon actually took her seriously, she gave her a straight answer. Maybe the first genuine interaction Momo has had outside of the Therapist office/Group Session area in years. Momo stayed behind because she was curious about what Nayeon’s deal was, but Nayeon’s answer was what really brought out this stubborn need to know more.

Nayeon could have laughed in her face and called her a freak (She has the attitude to say worst honestly). She didn’t. In that moment, I think Momo saw Nayeon in a different light, even if for a moment.

So the school scene makes sense. Nayeon’s reaction makes sense. Because Momo was in fact half-wrong about her previous statement. Nayeon does have insecurities. She just hides them by creating dominance and showing “strength” by belittling others. It doesn’t work on Momo though. She pushes her up against the vending machine 3 times, and doesn’t get the response she wants each time. For someone who is a manipulative bitch, this eats away at her. It is easy to understand why she becomes so fixated on Momo. What works on everyone else, is apparently ineffective with her. In other words, she has lost control between them and the Im Nayeon in this fic can’t emotionally handle that.

Im appalled at myself for not being able to come up with a decent idea as to why Nayeon follows her home. She just does. Maybe she wants to grasp onto some sort of advantage that can be used later on? I thought that my first read through, I was surprised that it never came. In fact, Nayeon pretends all together that this event didn’t happen when she takes Momo home. Just goes to show that Nayeon is unpredictable.

The fact that Momo doesn’t acknowledge her really hits home that Nayeon has lost control over the situation. It’s an oddly pleasant moment to watch her struggle against not being acknowledged by Momo. Remember when she boasted to herself about not needing anyone nor caring about anyone? And then took it back by caring about her reputation, then taking that back and caring about whether or not she cares more about Momo annoying her or avoiding her? Yeah same. Nayeon’s got issues that are unfolding one after another because her sense of balance has been shifted.

We get a nice reminder that Momo is just as deep as Nayeon though when she gives her her jacket of course. Can’t have Nayeon getting sick of course.

Nayeon goes out of her way to find her. To question her on her kindness because to Im Nayeon there has to be a reason. She has (rightfully) forgotten what it feels like to have someone be kind to her. Stormy has made it very clear that Momo does in fact care if she leaves. Recalling the vending machine scene, Nayeon makes a comment about throwing her off a roof. While Momo doesn’t see it as an actual threat, she does see it as a way of Nayeon saying she doesn’t care about her. This leads to Momo trying to convince herself that she means nothing to her, leading to avoiding and yada yada.

It's so fascinating to realize that almost everything makes perfect sense when you piece it all together.

Momo’s resolve quickly dies when Nayeon needs help no matter the circumstance.

Nayeon’s calm collected appearance is shattered when she isn’t able to know for sure the person she cares about is okay. (This is something I didn’t realize would become just so important for next chapter)

We know that Nayeon has self-destructing habits, adding self-inflecting injuries becomes oddly the biggest alarm to me. Theres a real sense of panic when you realize that Nayeon will settle for inflicting pain on herself and destruction on anything she sees in order to get die down her overwhelming emotions. I felt that panic and it made me realized that somewhere along the way I started to truly care about her well-being. She’s so deeply flawed and we haven’t even gotten to her good traits yet.

If Momo’s way of showing that she doesn’t care by helping her get her phone back and saying “I’ll do anything” she has a funny way of showing it. First the jacket, then Momo coming to her rescue with her phone. Keep all this in mind.

Now we get to one of the, if not, THE biggest mystery of the story. Nayeon’s flashback/involuntary recurrent memory of drowning in water. Because of the severity of it, it is amazing that she is able to remind herself that it is not real. People who suffers from this form of trauma are often not able to focus on anything else because of survival instincts. I rationalized it as something that has occurred enough times that Nayeon has been able to adapt. It wasn’t a cheap way of creating drama down the road, and that’s why this is another part of the story that im so keen on learning about. It was excellently done.

It’s nice to get backstory before Nayeon became who she is, to remember that she wasn’t always so cold and off-putting. We are now starting to see that earlier sign of her when she offers Momo food. It’s such a simple request and yet, its monumental for her to do.

It wasn’t the greatest feeling in the world to know that Momo eats fast because she doesn’t get the privilege of eating fries very often. Hit home with me in a way that I don’t think I could speak bad about Momo even if I wanted to.

Remember when Nayeon showed Momo a bit of kindness (subtle kindness. Extremely) and then Momo wanted to walk her to the group session? Now it has become a reoccurrence. Exchanging kindness for wanting more of her company. Why? Because she just doesn’t know. It is a plausible answer. Except it does become obvious when Momo asks the golden question on if they should go back to how it use to be. Maybe her walking her home was her way of extending spending time with her one last time (for the moment).

When Nayeon says that’s what she wants, Momo accepts it for all its worth and walks away. Because Momo only wants what Nayeon wants at this point. She casted her feelings aside a long time ago.

If it isn’t clear by now, Nayeon does not have a strong grip on what she really believes and what she says. Especially when she stares at Momo nonstop and neglects her cheerleading duties only to be called out by Sana. Oh Sana. The gift that keeps on giving in this fic. By that I mean, the real reason jealous Nayeon is such a Thing.

We get to watch Momo dive into her bad habit as she runs herself exhausted because of a missed goal. Irrational thinking that leads to her thinking she messed up and needed to punish herself in some way. It’s not any better when Nayeon comes in to confuse her. An important piece of dialogue Nayeon says “In case you weren’t aware by now, I scarcely mean the things I say.” I didn’t take note of this until several read throughs later when I realized that this line is the reason Momo can’t trust anything that Nayeon says. Because Momo takes words at face value and not what they might be actually be intended as.

We now get to see Nayeon start to leave her friends in favor of Momo. Not only that, but Nayeon rids herself of her cigarette despite the fact that she was previously trying to light it as quickly as she could. It’s not just because of Momo’s off handed comment about how it doesn’t suit her (or that it makes her look like a tool) but because her alternative coping mechanism is her. Kind of a bad way to put it, but it’s the truth at least to Nayeon. From being scared of her ruining her fragile reputation to her needing Momo just to feel calm. Character development-ish.

I say ish because it goes out the window the next scene. Oh Nayeon, so careless with your words.

And then it comes back the next.

If there is something to point out about Stormy’s writing style- it’s that they thrive on repetition specifically what is important and why, so that you never forget it. Not only that, but also the push and pull game. It’s a tricky thing to write because it can become predictable and tiresome. However, if it is written correctly, it can be the most rewarding style of writing because it makes you understand the story and its characters so much more. So, this is another praise because here I am, still burning with questions on how it will end and how much I still have to look forward to.

I would also like to point out the similarities between Nayeon’s underwater flashbacks and Momo’s dream about Nayeon with everything in flames. I don’t know enough concrete evidence to back it up, just food for thought for the moment.

Nayeon has always been determined to ruin good things in her life. Taking pills just helps her do that job a little easier. Of course now, it just leads her to Momo and passing out when she gets to her. It’s hard to tell if it was for the best that Nayeon can’t recall Momo’s comment about how she isn’t waiting for anyone anymore and their discussion on how they aren’t normal.

Without a doubt the most impactful lines of this chapter are “Because she’s not you” “None of them are you.” Because it shows just how deeply Momo has fallen for Nayeon. There was enough build up for these words to hold impact and that’s what made them stand out.

I think all I can say about Jeongyeon is that there is something going on. Without context from chapter 2, it looks like Jeongyeon is just trying to look out for Momo. Granted it might just be because she thinks Momo will be magically back to normal with Nayeon gone. Putting a championship ahead of Momo’s feelings is another way of putting it. (Or maybe she doesn’t want to watch the same thing happen to her as it did Jeongyeon. Although we as the reader know that’s not the case, she doesn’t.)

Despite the repetition of: Nayeon overreacts, Momo defends, Nayeon says/does something stupid, Momo walks away- This scene of their last confrontation of the chapter still holds one of the most powerful moments of the chapter. This is the turning point of Nayeon discovering that Momo isn’t fine. That she is as messed up as she is because she doesn’t have the ability to consider herself worthy of Nayeon. A dangerous flaw because of the ticking time bomb that is Nayeon herself.

With Momo, words hold the highest power over physical touch. It’s easy to understand why Nayeon immediately turns to initiating physical proof of what can be viewed as real. However, Momo wants to hear Nayeon say what she is thinking. So when she breaks away, it makes complete sense. Because Nayeon wants to prove herself physically while Momo doesn’t view it as a good enough answer. Because physical affection can last a moment, but words stay forever when it comes to Momo. She isn’t stupid though. She realizes that Nayeon was trying to say that she wanted her. Of course she has trained herself to believe she was unlovable so well that she truly believes it now.

It’s this scene that both the main characters finally see the people that the readers have gotten to see. It is both heartbreaking and exciting. Nayeon finally realizes why Momo is who she is and its gut-wrenching to watch her come to terms with what that means.

If anything brought out Nayeon’s humane side, its her scene with her dad. It’s lighthearted, a word that hasn’t come to describe this fic yet because of the heavy tones. To watch Nayeon simply let go of her anger and spite and just talk with her dad was a moment that made the journey worth it. A writer can create a hero with flaws, a great writer can bring out the good in their character while not ignoring the bad.

The Im Nayeon that is running towards Momo in the freezing rain, is not the same Im Nayeon that got shit faced at a party. This is now a character that will do whatever is necessary to make sure her idiot is safe. The best part about this, is that it didn’t feel rushed. It all happened naturally and step-by-step.

I could write more on the shower and car scene, but that is for next part.

#namo #im serious you don't have to read this

44 notes · View notes

mollyspersonallypersonalblog · 7 years

Link

Im sure that this will all fall on deaf ears, but if you are someone who is willing to accept a different point of view I would encourage you to read, and critically analyze this article my english teacher assigned us because it’s SUPER relevant in fandom. If you are easily offended by someone saying ‘fiction isn’t reality’ then keep scrolling.

My own feelings on the matter are under the cut, but it’s not necessary to read.

If I get messages about how I’m painting antis in a bad picture I will kindly ask you to ready my entire analysis because clearly you did not read the full paragraph I spent on how there’s nothing wrong with being anti ‘anything’ because a lot of antis are actually pretty cool and decent people, they just really hate certain things and want those things out of their face which is not that hard of a concept to understand.

This was written in 2000. TWO-FUCKING-THOUSAND.

This shit has being going on for longer than that, but it’s still relevant. My english teacher assigned this to me tonight and I am blown away.

This is something that under-aged/teen antis and ‘protect the children’ people need to understand. Sheltering kids, and taking away violence in the media does more harm than good. There is violence in media and it is an OUTLET.

If a teen or adult does not know the difference between what is a fantasy and what is reality then they should see a specialist to help them learn the difference because their is one. Fantasy is influenced by reality, but kids, yes kids, learn very easily that things on tv are not real, and they grow up, and their interested change as they mature.

It is not wrong to be interested in or enjoy violent, harmful, or problematic fictional material because most– rational people, can look at it and say ‘This is a compelling topic to explore on a fictional character for the sake of exploratory writing/venting, but I know that in real life, this sort of thing is horrible and very wrong.’

Most people, even the ones who antis claim (Keyword being ‘claim’ because at this point everybody and their dog is considered a pedo at this point) are ‘pedos’, actually know the difference, and most of them do not even view an age gap of a few years as an issue either based on their culture or because of their own experiences, and neither do many of the survivors I have seen speak out about this discourse, or if they do, they often use it to cope with their trauma which there is NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. And I dont understand how so many antis can claim to be fighting for the sake of survivors and minors and then in the same breath bully those same people ABOUT THEIR TRAUMA OR THEIR AGE because they dont agree with them.

It’s fine to hate something. It’s fine to be an anti. Ive met several who are actually very open minded and level headed people, they just hold hatred or dislike for a certain fandom trend. THAT’S PERFECTLY FINE. That’s great. I have things I really dislike. Tsunderes for example. Would I consider myself anti-tsundere? Maybe. But Im not going to go out of my way to tell everyone who likes them that they’re disgusting peices of shit. Or that– in my opinion, tsunderes perpetuate a stereotype of male abuse victims being something comedic. Because??? No one who enjoys tsunderes wants to hear that? And they shouldn’t have to. And I dont CARE that other people like them– even with my opinions on it. Because THEY EXIST. AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT EXCEPT AVOID IT IN MY MEDIA VIEWING.

By all means, blog about it, connect with other people and talk your shit about it. Be angry! No one here is saying you cant. But the SECOND you decide you need to tell other people, people who have nothing to do with YOU, and who have done all they can to tag appropriately and keep their things out of your face for YOUR SAFETY– BECAUSE YOU ASKED, then you are not an anti anymore. You’re giving actual, respectable antis a bad name by using the word to hide behind as a way to bully, harass and actually physically THREATEN people. Survivors, minors, and all the other people you are claiming to ‘protect’, if they dont agree with you– they’re on your hit list.

Here’s the thing:

Violence in media is fine. Portraying it in writing, art, and any other media is FINE. It is a creative outlet. It is an escape from the realities of the world we face every day and it is NOT ALWAYS PRETTY, RAINBOWS AND SUNSHINE, and it does not cater to the preferences of a bunch of children who get squicked by something and feel they need to blog about it to the whole internet like a facebook mom posting about her kale shake. No one cares. Someone’s personal work is shared on the internet as a way of expressing themselves– yes, it is subject to criticism out in the open, but a piece of artwork , no matter how you may feel about it, is not a valid reason to constantly harass, suicide bate, belittle, manipulate, THREATEN, or bully an artist, or writer or ANYBODY.

Teens on this site want people to respect them like adults. You want others to take you seriously. Do the mature thing and disengage, block what you dont wanna see, stop giving the things you despise all your emotional attention if it is so distressing to you. Stop seeking out the people who disagree with you to try and tell them they’re disgusting creatures that deserve to get raped or murdered or have their children taken away or their pet deserves to get run over for something so STUPID. Because it just makes you look like a spoiled brat who’s not getting what they want exactly how they want it. Grow up, learn how to filter yourself and the content YOU want to see. Instead of deliberately clicking something you know you’re gonna hate and then complaining about it after the fact. You were warned. Accept the responsibility of your actions

Sincerely, a young adult who is too fucking tired to hear you toddlers whining about how 17 is ‘a literal child’ because that would include yourself and I know all you shits are getting off to yaoi porn so don’t fucking even.

4 notes · View notes

mctvcker · 6 years

Text

Ten Taboos About SEO 2019 You Should Never Share On Twitter

Internet marketing will be solely driven by SEO or even search engine optimization. Without the doubt, one of the greatest trends that has already started to take place and may continue well into 2018 could be the consolidation of niche MarTech gamers by larger content cloud suppliers, with the role and significance of SEO increasing significantly all through this transformation. SEO Internet marketing provides major components, which develop the particular website traffic, and top research engine rankings. SEO is brief for Seo, and there will be nothing really mystical about this particular. You might have heard the lot about SEO and exactly how it works, but basically exactly what is a measurable, repeatable procedure which is used to send out signals to search engines that will the pages are worth displaying in Google's index. Topic clusters possess been lauded because the future associated with SEO and content strategy, yet are widely underreported on (so now's the time to hit! ) 93% of B2B companies use content marketing. Teresa Walsh, Marketing Professional at automobile site, Cazana, forecasts that hyper organic targeting will probably increase its importance in 2019 with more location search plus more voice search. We get to the particular bottom of on-page SEO issues in order for search motors to clearly see what your own website is all about. SEO requires you to continuously become a student because of exactly how quickly the algorithms of research engine companies change. Google's punishing methods probably class pages as some thing akin to a poor UX if they meet certain detectable criteria e. g. lack associated with reputation or old-school SEO stuff such as keyword stuffing a site. It looks generally used in SEO as the general definition for the method that the mathematical detection associated with synonyms, and how certain words and phrases are related to others within a piece of text, is used to the indexing of websites by search engines like search engines. So if you would end up being to write 5% for every keyword then your word SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION and Article will be within the content 75 times every. Like any good SEO company before concentrating on the details will do a proper hyperlink edit and fix all the particular error pages. Taking the energy to comprehend even the essentials of SEO can help your own site gain higher click-through prices, engagement, and of course, search positions. Kent Lewis, President and Founder of the particular Portland based performance firm, Anvil, predicts that both Amazon lookup and voice search will end up being trends in 2019. MarketingVox warns towards getting tied to a "link farm" whose bad SEO behavior could bring you down. Your web webpages must earn that high standing with high-quality content and best-practice SEO. Content is the 2nd major SEO ranking factor, plus is just as important since links. Previously known since WordPress SEO by Yoast, Yoast SEO is one of the particular most quintessential WordPress plugins whenever it comes to search motor optimization. While SEOs need in order to understand it is not just about rankings, UX specialists require to admit that user knowledge kicks in even before making use of the website. You will find on-site and off site SEO techniques that you may use to higher your lookup engine ranking.

55 The difference from SEO is many simply depicted as the distinction between paid and unpaid concern ranking searching results. I get into much more detail in SEO Titles on pages: 15-Point Checklist for B2B and B2C Brands, which explains how one can work in relevant keywords that will accurately reflect the page articles. Are good nevertheless SEO potential may be reduced when compared with single links. The education and learning behind our SEO expertise had been developed from years and many years of learning from mistakes marketing and advertising with our other businesses. Our own in-depth guide contains the most recent SEO best practices so a person can improve how your posts appears in search results, plus get more traffic, leads, plus sales. Keyword study definitely belongs to the SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION basics. I'll start by stating that social mass media and SEO are heavily linked to each other. Black head wear SEO attempts to improve search positions in ways that are disapproved of by search engines, or even involve deception. This particular is more tedious and tasking than inorganic SEO because this particular is how all the key phrases get a full blast associated with attention. SEO: It stands for Research Engine Optimization. Within this post, we will break this down in the complete first timers guide to SEO: what SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION is, how it works, exactly what factors affect search and exactly what sorts of changes you may make today to improve your own search optimization. The no follow hyperlink has been contradicted many periods over where SEO is included and it depends on the particular web owner regarding if they will allow them on the web site or not. Voice research is going to be a single of the main regions of concentrate for SEO in 2019 plus beyond. By 2019 mobile advertising will represent 72% of all US digital advertisement spending. These people should understand that SEO Internet marketing and advertising mandates a business website, given that it is a necessary on-line marketing tool. Eventually you can publish these pages on various SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION sites or simply submit the particular web page so that the particular search engine spiders can get on your created content. The history of SEO will go back to the 90s whenever the search engines emerged regarding the first time. High quality articles is critical in any lengthy term SEO strategy. Successful SEO includes on-page strategies, which use intent-based key phrases; and off-page strategies, which gain inbound links from other internet sites. So, along with content advertising, SEO now must be deeply lined up with your company's PR initiatives. Information will be a good introduction to and summary of research engine optimization (SEO), a massively important tactic for driving visitors to your internet site. There is usually a large amount of misinformation about exactly what an SEO campaign (company) may accomplish when it comes in order to search engines engine rankings. But using the particular SEO analysis tools, you may increase the chances of your own website's high ranking that may provide you with more traffic and ultimately, more business and income. Those who have the many to get are small businesses that will before a new harder period breaking into the snug SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION world.

With internet customers who use their mobiles in order to search on the increase, since an SEO consultant it can make sense to possess a look at the particular effects SEO marketing is putting on search engine optimization. The sole purpose of SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION Services is to improve your own search engine ranking. Make sure redirected domains redirect through the canonical redirect and this too provides any chains minimised, although Help to make sure to audit the backlink user profile for any redirects you stage at a page just such as reward comes punishment if all those backlinks are toxic (another kind of Google opening up the particular war which is technical seo on a front it's not really, and in fact is speak, to building backlinks to your own site). In order to smoothen out the software plan interface problem, the web developing team as well as the particular SEO specialist work together in order to build the major search motors friendly programs and code that could be easily integrated into the user's website. They will possess to find SEO expert internet sites, who will help the company owner's site have many clients in internet marketing. This is mainly because they are not SEO helpful and can affect your standing significantly. These SEO crawler programs are similar to Google's own crawlers and will provide you an overview showing exactly how your page will perform within SEO rankings. Google is making certain it takes longer to observe results from black and white hat SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION, and intent on ensuring the flux in its SERPs centered largely on where the searcher is in the world during the particular time of the search, plus where the business is situated near to that searcher. SEO differs from local lookup engine optimization in that the particular latter is targeted on customization a business' online presence therefore that its web pages is definitely going to be displayed simply by search engines when a consumer enters a local search intended for its products or services. The challenge for webmasters plus SEO is that Google won't want company owners to rank regarding lots of keywords using autogenerated content especially when that creates A LOT of pages upon a website using (for instance) a list of keyword variants page-to-page. In time, the collection between social media marketing management, channel growth, and SEO will be considerably blurrier than it really will be today. In 2016, SEO experts possess determined which factors are nearly all likely to affect your SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION rankings. Customers and marketers will need in order to begin implementing multiple forms associated with digital marketing tactics including compensated search, social media marketing, nearby SEO, in addition to SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION if they hope to control a given Google SERP. Before beginning with this, the SEO experts should visit your organization and realize each and every aspect associated with your company so that they will can help your achieve your own marketing goals. What really matters in SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION in 2018 is what a person prioritise today to ensure that will in 3-6 months you may see improvements in the high quality of your organic traffic. Mobile will account for 72% of US digital ad invest by 2019.

PeepCon (which stands for The Individuals Conference”) seeks to teach workable SEO and digital marketing classes. See how Matthew had taken a website from zero in order to one million visits in much less than a year, using the mix of blogging, content marketing and advertising, and SEO. Solid being familiar with of the keywords, questions, in addition to phrases your ideal customers make use of to find your products in addition to services is critical to efficient SEO. 34. Applying SEO practices (such keyword optimization) to social media marketing raises discoverability when users search interpersonal platforms like Facebook and Youtube . com. Onsite SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION Guide — If you the particular actual link, you will notice a opt-in button where a person can download the Onsite SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION Guide. ” Matt Diggity will a lot of testing upon his own sites, and this guidebook reflects what on page strategies are working best for your pet. One important aspect associated with taking care of SEO is usually identifying issues that are harming search engine ranking positions plus reducing the traffic you obtain through SERPs. User-generated content like reviews assist SEO through SMO, because this often comes in the type of social shares, likes, or even commenting, or common threads such as hashtags that point back toward a brand. Local SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION services offer a very focused online marketing approach, (it's not really like dropping off brochures upon front-porch steps or paying for a good ad in a local newspapers that could or may not really be seen by a probable client that is actually fascinated in your products or services). SEO & Content Marketing Software for eCommerce Business, Agencies and Enterprises. Calib Backe, SEO Manager for Walnut Holistics, writes that mobile plus voice are going to keep on their domination of importance because we rely on desktop much less and less. If much associated with your competitors has hired SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION firms to 10-20 keywords within a moderately competitive industry, after that you will have to spend a small more. The Google Lookup Console could be the most essential SEO tool on the globe. No BS. When you're done with the exhausted cliches told over and around again at SEO Conferences, and then you're prepared to experience UnGagged - an UnConventional SEO in addition to Digital Marketing conference that offers real-world results. SEO is a good acronym for the phrase "search engine optimization. " Search motor optimization is focused on doing specific items to your website to push even more traffic to it so that will you can increase online product sales - and traffic. By 2019, the method we search might not alter completely, but these new technology will definitely change the way all of us build links, engage users, plus generate leads through content advertising. Site Champion® increases site visitors by helping shoppers find your own products in search engines by means of increased keyword rankings using SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION automation. While link quantity is nevertheless important, content creators and SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION professionals are realizing that hyperlink quality is now more essential than link quantity, and since such, creating shareable content may be the very first step to earning valuable hyperlinks and improving your off-page SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION. Search engine optimisation (SEO) could be the process of influencing the online visibility of the particular website or a web web page in a web search motor 's unpaid results—often known because "natural", " organic ", or even "earned" results. Seo (SEO) is a procedure of improving positions in natural (non-paid) search results searching motors. Some other SEO ranking factors include: available URLs, domain age (older is usually usually better), page speed, cellular friendliness, business information, and specialized SEO. Your own search engine optimization strategy can become divided into two different types: on-page SEO and off-page SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION. When you familiarize yourself with this neighborhood, you will inevitably stumble your own way onto the websites associated with SEO Gurus” selling courses that will teach you SEO for hundreds of dollars. Expert SEO writers can also make use of modifiers and keyword variations in order to further optimize the content. In the lot associated with cases, this happens as the consequence of non-ethical SEO specifically buying and selling links which usually could get you up the particular Google ‘adder' quickly. Content is definitely key but content alone is usually no longer king; content, circumstance, and relevance will drive functionality of content and digital marketing and advertising, and SEO is part yet not full parcel. Ultimate WordPress SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION Guide for Beginners (Step simply by Step) — 28% of internet sites on the internet use Wp. SEO is frequently abused as a blanket term intended for digital marketing. This free marketing device is really a long-term technique and can be time intense but it will worth this. A good user experience will be the key to satisfaction plus a powerful SEO. 1 SEO might target different kinds of lookup, including image search, video research, academic search, 2 news research, and industry-specific vertical search motors. We all are in the fourth 1 / 4 of 2018, it is this right time start thinking with regards to the year ahead and brand-new changes SEO realm might count on. We've long known that consumer opinions, input, and sentiment regarding a brand deeply impact SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION rankings, but we wanted the particular information to prove it. Off-page SEO means having action to build trust, specialist, social signals and inbound hyperlinks. How video affects SEO actually depends on your goals whenever using video in your marketing and advertising campaign and which video system you use. LSI is just not what most SEO professionals claim it to be. This is certainly not a idea that can be used simply by the average web designer or even webmaster to improve their lookup engine listings, and it is usually not what many people, which includes myself, has written it in order to be. Nevertheless, first some history. This particular video walks you through the particular specific steps you should get increased rankings in 2018, including launching speed, technical SEO, content, hyperlinks, and more. Given that it is, all across typically the year agencies specializing in SEO were active improving and finding new procedures to optimize the search motor even better than what their particular competitors were doing. The number 1 reason for using video upon your site to improve SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION is to increase the quantity of time users remain upon your site. Search engine optimization has been but still is fascinating in order to me. The SEO placement regarding any size business begins along with proper web site optimization, a good excellent link building strategy plus a well planned online marketing and advertising plan. One part of focus for higher marketing and SEO performance within 2018 is the confluence associated with content, influence, and social. This can be advantageous for SEO, as it helps avoid search engine crawlers from becoming confused by syntax or affirmation errors, and leads to even more accurate indexing. Stop thinking in terms associated with SEO vs. content marketing” plus start exploring how well they will perform together. (Give it a try tone of voice search using OK Google through your cell phone and enquire "What Is BlowFish SEO" ) In case all remains as it will be, Google will read out loud almost all about my company in the short to the point method, These cards are formatted in order to fit the screen of your own cell with no scrolling upward or down. Although SEO is really the time-consuming process but believes myself, if you work well along with dedication and trendy techniques, the particular combined results of on-page plus off-page SEO holds you upon the top with rank #1 for a specific search outcome. Fairly lately, I've seen a resurgence associated with on-page SEO factors making the difference searching engine rankings. SEO specialists started in order to abuse PageRank in order in order to raise the rankings. Now could be a great time to take a nearer take a look at SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION marketing information because search is getting even worse for many types of B2B plus B2C businesses. SEO marketers plus writers typically come up along with different kinds of content in order to place the necessary keywords within. These are some of the particular most used types, and every one helps to give rise to the level of variety in conditions of website content. Certain black hat SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION techniques, such as keyword filling, are viewed as to be the SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION equivalent of spamming, and lookup engines will penalize them. Internet marketing is exclusively driven by SEO or research engine optimization. Others are usually simply traditional PR firms which have learned SEO as properly as the value of hyperlinks. Here's a cliche among electronic marketers: Search engine optimization (SEO) isn't what used to end up being. Google announced that will they released several minor enhancements over the period of the particular time of about a 7 days and after analysis, experts inside the SEO industry concluded that will the updates were the outcome of keyword permutations and web site using doorway pages. SEO, or Search Motor Optimization, means setting up your own website and content to show up through online search results. People who else want to take their company to some new height plus generally and mostly believe within the way of SEO advertising.

forty five. Use Google Analytics to determine social SEO factors like the particular number of owned and beneficial results. The common SEO issue for e-commerce sites is that product evaluation functionality tends to rely upon AJAX, iframes, or subdomains, which usually make it very hard, or even even impossible, for search motors to fit product reviews with item pages. Local SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION is an effective way in order to market your business online. With regard to more on Squarespace's SEO-friendly features plus how to use them, go to Increasing your site's visibility in order to search engines. For Ecommerce websites, SEO agencies can see which usually paths users take in purchase to complete a sale, just about all the way down to which usually keyword they used to research for you prior to buying. Continue to increase your SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION to create Blog9T business and drive traffic plus rank for more terms. SEO refers in order to the process of gaining a good impressive rank in search motor listings. Organic SEO will be also less costly long-term when you establish search credibility, as very long as you maintain it along with the consistent creation of high quality content and social media utilization. Within the 6th section of our SEO for newcomers guide, we will discuss hyperlink building - one of the particular most important aspects of research engine optimization. Search engine optimization can furthermore be known as SEO plus it is defined as the technique or procedure for customizing the website within an efficient and efficient way in purchase to make a good existence on major search engines. A several of the popular keyword analysis tools are Wordtracker, SEOMOZ Key word Difficulty Tool, SEOBook Keyword Device and Google Keyword Tool. Thankfully, SEO allows webmasters to offer clues that the engines may use to understand content. Because less as 20% dentists within a city hire SEO expert s who really wants that shift within their Google ranking. The particular analytical part of the SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION is about tracking organic key word positions, website traffic and the engagement in Google Analytics, Internet marketer Tools and many other specific tools. Mobile SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION is nothing than a typical SEO, creating content and marking to be able to remain out online. SEO rankings are placing excess fat than ever upon what users have to state. The Search Gaming console will help you to evaluate your keyword rankings, CTRs, probable Google penalties and many some other useful data for technical SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION. Blog posts, guides, whitepapers, situation studies, videos, and social content all need to include the particular right keywords for social plus SEO. For even more detailed information on the make use of of keywords on your internet site visit SEOcious to will discover many other important factors included in having your web web page in the top 10 entries on the search engines. SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION, search engine optimization is most about search engines, search motor result page (SERP), search rating, online visibility, and quality visitors. If your internet site has about 5-10 niche key phrases that are extremely targeted yet not very competitive, your SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION pricing is going to end up being quite less.

There are usually lots of ways to discover keywords for SEO. SEARCH ENGINE OPTIMIZATION article writing guidelines number two. Keywords, they are little concealed subliminal messages within the composing which are to be within conjunction with the topic which usually is being written on. Key phrases are extremely important to the particular SEO article writing guidelines. SEO is often component of an overall internet advertising strategy and complements other strategies like social media marketing, articles marketing and more. The conference brought together thirty eight speakers, 15 sponsors and more than 1500 of the search industry's brightest and the best associated with search for a day regarding actionable SEO advice and industry leading content. A principal benefit associated with SEO is its cost-effectiveness since Ten Lessons That Will Teach You All You Need To Know About SEO 2019 there is no payment in the direction of the search engine for becoming placed within it. This is definitely very important for the 'search head', high volume low purpose searches that are expensive within paid search. In 2019, I believe that will Google will continue to force paid search ads and state the majority of the over the fold organic SERP. Since, paying a search motor to put your business web site at the top of the list doesn't come cheap, the particular next smartest thing one may do is to use research engine optimization or SEO methods to increase the clicks toward the website and help this work its way up the particular search engine's results page. If you are nevertheless sticking with old SEO formula strategies and searching optimized key phrase for the article, Sorry!

0 notes

unlikelydreamlandcreation-blog · 6 years

Text

Tornado in my area, home insurance problems?

"Tornado in my area, home insurance problems?

A tornado ripped through my neighborhoos augst 19th. I called to report a claim. The main thing was a tree toppled lines that pulled the power mast from my house. I spoke to the adjuster a day later, then he was at my house another day later, but didnt bother to knock on my door, so I didnt eget to meet him. I had to make multiple phone calls a week later to see if he came or not. Then another 3 weeks and more multiple phone calls, and he said he did have a 'report', but didnt email it to me for a week. He suggested a contractor estimate since the siding was damaged. I have old asbestos siding in a weird wood grain/vertical stripe pattern I had multiple contractors out who said this pattern is nowhere to be found. Then didnt heaar from them again for a month and the contractor i chose couldnt get ahold of anyone. Turns out my adjustor was out of town. I was very upset, they assigned a new adjustor, and one day when I was coming home from work, she and my contracotr were at my house (without bothering to tell me) to get a sample of the siding she could mail in for analysis and a match up. Now they are saying there is a match (reasonable)

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolutions.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr