#lifeispain

[lebenstripper]

Ich erzähle Allah in jedem Gebet und in jeder Dua von dir. Und ich muss weinen. Immer und immer wieder. Es sind so viele Tage ohne dich vergangen. So viele Tage an denen ich deine Stimme nicht gehört habe. Und so viele Tage an denen ich deine Hände nicht in meinen halten konnte. Ich habe festgestellt: ich habe nie aufgehört dich zu vermissen.

#psychiatrie #borderline personality disorder #borderline #leben #innerlich zerbrochen #psychiatry #dubistot #heartbreak #alles lügen #schmerz #e #denken #gedankenamlimit #bereit zu gehen #für immer liebe #kriegimkopf #kaputtesleben #kämpferherz #lebensmüde #lifeispain #hass #borderlinetherapie #warum bin ich so #narbendeslebens #schlaflose nächte #selbstverletzten #staystrong #inewigerliebe #innerlich tot #ichliebedich

[spoke-n-languish]

Astra inclinant, sed non obligant. Discendo discimus.

I really have no way of knowing what anyone thinks of me or what they want from me… because not one person will speak honestly with me. I appreciate all of the work developing storylines and the myriad paths forward that you have presented for me to “Leap of Faith” down, but despite it all… it strikes me that still (despite all my mad rankings to the walls of this shithole prison that saddens and crushes me just for being present within it. But has it occurred to any of you “viewers” that I can’t (repeat for emphasis: CANNOT) do what you want me to and what I desperately desire to within the circumstances that you have put me in. It is not a preference choice like, “I have an allergy to cooked carrots… no, raw is fine - I’m only allergic to the cooked ones.” Clearly, made-up bullshit that we abide because we understand that (for whatever reason) they simply do not care for that option. What I have been trying to tell anyone but no one has heard, is that I cannot “take the plunge”, without some, any, maybe even just one tiny element of truth. This may sound petulant, or whiny to some, others I have heard say, “just look it up…everything is online if you would just try to look for yourself instead of having it spoon-fed to you like a baby.” This is not my issue… Because, as stated before, early on I detected that elements of data I perceived and currently try to filter through (with no other option) have been doctored, altered or just flat out fabricated, I have not been able to find any medium that was true. To add further clarification to the depth of illusion detected by the manipulations i toil under, let me list some of the mediums I am considering to be within this Decepti-Confidence Scam Set of things I currently hold to be untrustworthy (note: for me untrustworthy = not true, not real):

* Anything found online (including from social media sites, wiki or encyclopedia pages, medical journals, digital communication of any kind such as text or email)

* Anything heard or seen on the television (as this is another digital medium it also has proven to be quite malleable as a source of information)

* Phone conversations from unfamiliar voices (as without familiarity it is more difficult for me to qualify truths vs. falsehoods).

* Conversations overheard (typically intentionally) in passing.

* Conversations from familiar voices (sadly, every person I have spoken with has also been detected as being dishonest with me).

********************************************

Nimium ne crede colori.

*I feel this requires some more insight into my meaning. Yes, everyone, everywhere, lies all the time… that is inherent in the nature of communication as we all filter input through our belief systems so that any and all output is skewed from the Greater Truth which exists without perception only and in such fashion cannot exist. Also, I am not talking about all of the “little white lies” that exist to prevent shame, guilt, fear or pain - for others as well as ourselves. I am not referring to any stretching of truths about activities or events outside of those which are intended to influence my personal information (and therefore choices and actions). Yes, I have noted it in every single person I have talked to, sometimes subtle otherwise very brash and direct attempts to perpetuate this miasma of gas-lighting that permeates fully into every aspect of my life. It is intentional or at least cooperative psychological manipulation with the intention to control via filtration, alteration and inception the information that I receive as well as what I am able to send forth out into the community at large (such as it is). It is this factor I believe which has so deeply wounded my mental state as well as the very constitution of my sanity. What’s more I have also noticed the effective feedback derived from an assumption that I have been successfully misled whenever I delve at any level into exploring any of these presented misdirections… the ripples of which, increase in amplitude with each exploration with a palpable fervor of glee or excitement at “he’s falling for it”, or “we got him again”. What some may not realize is that in my dogmatic pursuit to unravel this knitted cocoon of deceits, imperfect truths and outright lies, that has snared me and binds me into the clichéd tangled web where I still struggle trying to free myself before I feel the dooming venom piercing into me. The toxic regret of living less than what could have been… should have been mine, if I’d only looked deeper, probed more fervently, or just blindly stumbled onto by happenstance. But as has been clearly understood by me ever since realization of the extent of influence being exerted upon me, as you control all data I receive, if you want it found it will be found… if you don’t, it won’t. So I will continue to struggle, I know not how to give up, but I do so with the knowledge of the futility of my actions as the results are not dependent on the measure of effort exerted so much as your assessment of whether or not I am ready for or worthy of receiving it.

********************************************

* Also to be included, all sights seen, sounds heard, scents smelled (and hence flavors tasted), sensations felt and all other physical perceptions have been (some more constantly than others) proven fallible under your machinations.

Claudus pedibus et iniquitatem bibens qui mittit verba per nuntium stultu.

The culminating magnitude of this doubt upon my already battle-worn and weary psyche, coupled with the riddle of Y intersects at an unfortunate exact point where my craZy honor rebels against tyrannical injustice or oppression (or even well-intended misunderstanding without shared communal eXpression) to where I predict the results to be worse for all, or at least all the worst for one in particular. Whether your intentions are to be my Mjolnir, or if you sit silently on high as an overlord surveying his vassals, I constantly hope that your scales of qualification are Balanced and Just… else I expect from here on naught but doom and ruin to oblivion.

Condemnant quo non intellegunt. Ingredior in meus calceus quod cos mos agnosco. Pars magna bonitatis est velle fieri bonum. Si vis amari, ama. Semper ubi, sub ubi.

#InVeritateVitaEst #LifeIsPain #impossibledream #knurdninja #riddle211 #sharpen_saw #turn-the-page-h6ε #nothingelsematters

[ennameg]

So I first got a tumblr like 10 years ago, and at the time I was really really confused about my life and everything in it. Ten years later, I’m still confused, but at least it’s not all about the same things. Progress, right?

I’m still asexual, have come to peace with that even though my sister still thinks it’s a mental condition (in mental health as a career and she thinks that). I’m no longer with my shitty ex(es), and am about to embark on home ownership.

So now it’s just the depression and ADD, along with financial pressures. Yay.

#lifeispain

[waagemut]

Some days I just wish for the absolute collapse. Just everything that's left and me. Instincts and breathing

#life quotes #lifeispain #depressing quotes #words #inspiration #thoughts #nature #natural #earth wind and fire #planet earth #mother earth

[tulsagosanoszintee]

“Az élet fáj!”

Dr. House

#tulsagosanoszinte #drhouse #housemd #azeletfaj #lifeispain #idezet #sorozat

[japanesewhiskey]

everything reminds me.

#graphicdesign #digitalart #art #affinitydesigner #design #madeinaffinity #affinity #artwork #artistsoninstagram #designer #graphic #instaartist #instaart #loss #mourning #lifeispain

[designpowder]

✧༄ alexander mcqueen tank top

#alexandermcqueen #alexander #hautecouture #design #fashion #2000sfashion #coquettegirl #2000sversace #chanel #softtop #tanktop #lifeispain #robertocavalli #christiandior #brunettegirl #girblogger #girlblogging

[etchingetchingetching]

almost 2 and I gotta be up at 6 #lifeispain #ihate

[she-had-many-names]

*as he deteriorates into maddness, his teleports become crazier*

whywhywhywhy

itshouldhavebeenme

nononononono

icantlivewithouther

icantdoit

icantdothis

lifeispain

*he takes out the dagger he caught from stitch earlier*

-@teleporting-anon

Why are you here? Why are you suffering through this? Why put yourself through this gauntlet?

#Tw suicide #tw grief #tw breakdown #tw knife #mainplot

[john-kramer-0807]

This!

@wilson-the-gay-oncologist

[deniurdnim]

Tem sido dias tristes, não sinto vontade de fazer nada e em dias assim, existir dói.

Lifeispain🥃

[insideleonie]

„ich schwöre ich würde mein Leben geben, wenn ich wüsste du könntest dann dein Leben leben“

- Pa Sports

#deutschrap #quotes #deep #trauma #pasports #lifeispain

[xonline-diaryx]

Man sollte wenn man in einer Beziehung ist NIEMALS seine Freunde vergessen, denn am Ende bist du die Person die dann vergessen wird, denn wenn diese eine Person die du so geliebt hast nicht mehr da ist dann hast du auf einmal niemanden mehr.

#sprüche #liebe #love #zitat #text #leben #miss you #Freunde #beziehung #freundschaft #beste freundin #true words #viralpost #viral #friendship #mein leben #lifeispain #tumblr

[lebenstripper]

Ich könnte dich stundenlang beobachten. Deine Augen, die immer und immer wieder so ruhelos durch die Räume sehen, als würden sie etwas bestimmtes suchen. Dein Lächeln, was ab und zu unverhofft über dein Gesicht huscht und deine Augen so strahlen lassen, dass die ganze Welt etwas besser aussehen lässt, den ganzen Raum erhellen. Deine Hände, die egal ob warm oder kalt, dass angenehmste ist, was ich in meiner halten durfte. Wie gerne ich sie öfters berührt hätte, nicht nur mal zufällig streifen oder sie Zufalls inmitten deines Weges stehen.

#psychiatrie #borderline personality disorder #borderline #bereit zu gehen #warum bin ich so #ichliebedich #fertig mit der welt #verzweifelt #narbendeslebens #psychiatry #kriegimkopf #kaputtesleben #hellsterstern #jahrestagnährtsich #jahrelang #für immer liebe #alles lügen #lifeispain #lebensmüde #odernicht #bisansende #borderlinetherapie #aufdemweg #amende #aufgeben #allein #ewigeliebe #ewiger kampf #einundalles

[tdaddybitch11]

I think death shall take the pain away

#dead inside #aesthetic #prettygirls #makeup #makeupfinesse #avaitors #makeuplover #tattoed girls #smile #model #photography #loveyourself #modelshots #lovelife #gothic #mirrorshots #lifeispain

[spektraelektra]

I always thought I was prepared for such days, because you know, I've had sad days, I've had days where nothing mattered to me, where the emptiness wasn't just on the inside but printed on the outside in such a shouting manner.. I've always thought that, but every time, the sadness mutates and is not like the sadness I've seen before,a different variant of sadness that is more advanced in pain level, that is more complex like sadness I've seen before, and today, it doesn't even feel like sadness anymore, the universe has created a sadness that is so dark in power that am so scared it might win

#Sadblopsbynjery #lifeispain