#last night i had a break down about it

[minimoefoe]

come to the conclusion that I should go to the dentist so I will be spending the next month or so building up the courage to mention it to my mum and then figure out where to go and how imma pay for it

#natchats #last night i had a break down about it #now im in an acceptance phase #ive looked up prices for stuff #and HOPEFULLY #i wont have to pay more than 65ish quid #unless i need multiple things done #like its 65 if you need one root canal but what if ylu need two? does it cover two? #i actually dont know what imma need #but ive noticed some not so fun things since i started flossing so im expecting to need Something #and if i prepare to need Something then I'll be more ready if it does happen and if it doesnt then cool #mentioning it to my mum is also a big thing bc then its Real yknow #i wish past me didnt refuse to go #like when i was 15/16 my mum was trying to get me to go and i was likebyou literally cant make me #and i haven't been since #so #🙃🙃🙃🙃 #i hope this doesnt sound offensive bc i dont mean it to be but one lf the things that scares mr #me #ablut the dentist is when the dentist isnt english anf they have an accent and bc of their mask i cant see them talk and i cant understand #them and it makes me so stressed #like them talking to me with a mask on is already stressful but that coupled with a spanish accent lr some shit oh i want to kill myself #its just so awkward #i also dont know if i'll make my mum go with me #my mum being there half the time reverts me back to beijg a kid #but also if i do have a dentist i cant understand and my mum isnt tjere to jelp me that will be really bad for me #I'll probs try and make her come the first time #im literally nearly 23 this is so embarrassing

[clits-and-clips]

Going to sleep is so fkn hard I just want to call him and tell him I love him and ask for cuddles when will that stop

#waking up is worse i break down immediately #if i had a fucking friend i wouldnt need to keep going on and on about it in txt posts so im sorrrryyyyy if im annoying #but fuck it hurts so much #does he even miss me? #does he crave cuddles like me? #i just #ugh #we are different ive always hated sleepi g alone #like when i was really little up until i was maybe 15 i would go into my sisters room at night and sleep on the floor #in our old house i had a bed set up in her room #thats how often i went in there in the night #so im just #reaaalllllyyy struggling #he worked night shift up until last year and i was always waiting up for him till 4am #so now its like #really super hard #at least im waking up early enough to pass out at night #plus i do have some sleeping tablets if i need them #i just fucking want cudddlllesss #i want to trace his skin #i want to hold him #ffmmmllll #txt

[asteralien]

not to be like “i miss college” even though i do but mostly i think i miss being smart. before depression and life events had chewed up and partially swallowed my brain. just getting to problem solve and think, being Very Into something as the norm. i know being an english major is basically the easiest thing you can be at the undergrad level but i do feel like that was the one and only time in my life where my natural state was actually a pro instead of a con. i graduated with the highest honors and absolutely no one cared but i cared

#aster chat #family life exploding exactly one (1) month from graduation is still just. it. god. it was almost seven years ago and it still hurts #SO much. i had worked so hard to graduate with the honors i did #i took a 400 level history class in my 2nd semester with one of the hardest humanities profs and i got a B #i basically lived in a break room for a whole semester because my misophonia was so bad with my roommate at night #i stashed pillows and blankets behind a couch and slept there to stay sane enough to write my papers #i got so close to Ending Things three times and DIDN'T #my professors LOVED ME #and then graduation came and it was just. over. #went right back home to sit between my parents as much as i could and get yelled at and watch everything go down the drain #like as soon as i walked out of college i stopped existing except as something for my parents and my job to use up #like. i know it's cringy to still be thinking about college but that was the last time i mattered as myself. you know #people liked me because of my brain! my thoughts! not for what i could do for them or for a paycheck #me qua me #okay lmao Antidepressant Time bye #no offense but my english classes wouldn't have made me feel weird about saying 'boon' instead of 'pro' up there #i changed it to not sound like an assclown but my profs would have thought it was funny.

[ashanimus]

Owl House Face Reveals and Why They Work

I'm so behind on my Huntlow week contribution but I have to exorcise these bees from my brain.

One thing I have noticed that The Owl House does really well are face reveals. Each time we've had them they have been genuinely unexpected and interesting. Now, face reveals are nothing new in media, and in many genres within the speculative fiction box they kind of have their own language and preset expectations depending on the assumed archetype of a character.

Growing up in the 90's, this was quite consistent (particularly with anime). When a Cool, Masked Character or Villain shows up, there's usually an instant of the mask getting revealed in a moment of vulnerability that shows us what the character looks like--but in a wide variety of these reveals...the conclusion is often along the lines of:

Protag: Oh. They're a lot cuter than I was expecting!

There's often a little romantic subtext here too, but not always.

And for all the benefits (and true banes) of anime-type character design, it was/is very common for the resultant revealed face to be conventionally attractive (or drawn to be perceived that way). I know that this is a sort of gentle pushback to the historical VILLAIN=UGLY trope that is nowhere near as prevalent as it used to be, but after thirty years of prettyface mask reveals, it ended up paving the way for strong, sleeping expectation of mask=pretty underneath instead.

And as a result, we're not taking away much more information that what was already expected (re: masked character not so bad) when the character showed up masked to begin with.

Now, this isn't always bad. But in the case of a face reveal, it's supposed to be a moment that establishes really important visual information quickly--and if it's doubled with the "masked character is unconscious/injured" there's a good chance they wouldn't normally let our hero get that close to begin with. The point is, the scene has heavy lifting to do!

Which brings me to our first big face reveal in Owl House, Hunter.

So at this point, the Golden Guard has made his debut--he's been set up as a "genius teen prodigy". This is loaded language that anyone who grew up watching anime instantly understands. Even if you don't though, the way Lilith talks about him sets him up for this expectation well. In this scene, he shows up as a cocky little asshole with a lot of bravado but also, importantly, some key visual indicactors of power. He's got a staff in his right hand, a cage in the other, and is wearing heavy armor and of course the mask. He shows up in a fifty foot fist made of boiling salt water.

Without showing us his face, the show has already laid a pretty strong, unconscious foundation for what the audience is going to see under there! So when we get our classic moment:

This scene moves so much VERY quickly.

First, the Golden Guard's face doesn't resemble the archetypal expectation the audience might have had based on what had been set up. If anything, we're getting a lot of traits all at once we're not used to on a sympathetically portrayed character (more on this in a second). They also wisely destroy any possible interpretation of romantic subtext by giving us a sibling slapfight immediately. But the biggest takeaway from this quick scene visually is the fact the Golden Guard here very young, about Luz's age, maybe a little older--a detail highlighted by our hero herself--and VERY vulnerable. Very murderable. See how his torso (heart) is twisted up, head is tipped back and the eyebrows are scrunched up? Makes him quite a bit "smaller" looking even though he's quite tall compared to the other kids.

But what does this do for visual understanding of a scene? When expectations are subverted, the viewer in a way is able to absorb the visual information with new eyes. When a mask reveal shows us something actually surprising, it actually allows us to absorb the visual details without sorting them into an archetype. So what do we see? Who is the Golden Guard without his mask, his armor, or the trappings of his power?

Well...he has a lot of traits classically associated with unsympathetic characters, to start! He has dark heavy brows, reddish eyes in an ashy face, an aquiline nose and a big ol' gap in his teeth. He's got a ragged ear. Now lately, eye bags and facial scars have come into vogue for heroes, but not usually in combination with all of those other traits (if it was just the scar or even the ear, it wouldn't have told us much). And even here, they're startling because no other character in the show displays eye bags or prominent scarring--not even the mercenaries or adults. He's also fabulously expressive and earnest regardless of emotion, which takes the edge off any potential ability to intimidate (and we know he's about as intimidating as a kale salad as shown when he tries to order the Coven Scouts around at the precinct).

At this point, now that whatever preconceived vision of the mysterious Golden Guard has been blown out of the water, we're able to absorb what each individual character design choice is actually telling us.

This is one busted-ass teenager.

The eyebags show he's exhausted/stressed. The facial scar is a brutal fucking injury and the kind of thing that you get when someone is deliberately trying to hurt you (in combat or...well. what's implied to later be the actual reason). The ripped ear highlights the idea he's seen a lot of combat. The gap teeth highlight the childish imperfection and youth.

One of the things that struck me most about watching this for the first time and watching other reaction videos (a lot of them of different ages and demographics to get a decent sample size) was the incredible consistency of the response to all this visual information! Almost every single one of them were some variant or combination of these two thoughts: "Oh no, he's so young, poor thing! Is he okay?" And even better--the audience understands the answer to that question the minute they ask it, even before the conclusion of the episode. No, he is certainly not! This brainwashed child is in a lot of physical and emotional danger!

Which is GREAT! That's clearly what the intent was. An given how much of a little shithead he was in his first appearances, it was really amazing to see how thoroughly he was able to go from that to instantly sympathetic--as well as visually very interesting.

The Owl House demonstrates a lot of mastery over animation and writing techniques/tropes. You could fill a book on the topic (please oh please let there be an art book at the end please please please). But I REALLY loved how they handled face reveals especially, and to date this one in particular is probably my favorite.

#toh #the owl house #toh hunter #hunter wittebane #the golden guard #I was mulling over these face reveals with boyfriend last night #and I had to write them down because theyre really well done #With how much anime has influenced this show #I have no doubt how deliberate this all was #and Im really glad they made such bold character choices in this show! #ash's owl house meta #ari don’t look! #if I have time coming up I'll maybe break down Belos and Del's but I havent had time to take a fart in peace lately so we'll see #also about that damn scar #Ive talked about it before and i probably will again #as the owner of a few Large scars myself #he probably cant feel much in that side of his face and Im reliably told its a miracle its not paralyzed! #fridge horror!

[mothusband]

you ever miss someone so bad you feel like you're dying. because that's me right now.

#had a dream about them last night which always turns my world upside down because it's always about if we had gotten to be together #and i'm starting to have them like. once a week. #i know how to contact them too but i'm just a coward. if we meet again it's by fate. #or eventually i just get desparate and break down and message them. but the chance of rejection scares me. #idk what to do other than cry which just makes me feel pathetic :/

[maddy-ferguson]

not saying i love you is a crazy fight to have at 14 when you think about it

#i mean i wouldn't know because i didn't date at 14. because no one wanted me not as a choice #i'm sure 14-year-olds actually have that fight. but it's like...very unserious #crazy: funny like it's a funny situation when you don't think about like...anything else about the show #i'm not even saying you can't be IN LOVE at 14 either it's just...but you don't love me anymore and then love declaration with such #severity...it's funny when you think about it #when i was 13 and she was 14 my friend dated a guy who was 15 (we were all in what would be freshman year in the us for us it's the last #year of middle school and then high school is 3 years) the girl was one of my bffs (the one who ghosted me in 2022 remember) and the guy #was also my friend very rare because i've had very few male friends in my life i'm kind of a religious fundamentalist that way. anyway #we talked on facebook like every night and he told me he was gonna buy her a ring for christmas or for her birthday i don't remember #(her birthday is in early january we had this conversation in late november) and i was like...this ring costs 120€ that's like a lot #then he didn't even have time to buy the ring because they broke up WAY before christmas it was very funny #like she broke up with him on a wednesday and the day before that he was like i can tell she's gonna break up with me i KNOW she is and i #was like whaaat she isnt...(i didn't know) he told me he had cried for THREE HOURS thinking about the fact that she was gonna break up with #him like CALM DOWN? #but like he was right ig. they dated for maybe 10 days and it's very possible that he had a new girlfriend by christmas so he was fine... #and like i say: brf slt

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

my sister called me and kept asking excitedly that what's happening in my life and

#like life as in. i can't say love life but like you know what's happening with the guys and the girls #girl #and i was so tired #am so tired #i just made up an excuse that im too physically tired too talk to cut the call and told her id call her back but i won't #i want to okay i really do I want to hear about her life what's going on but she's not that type of person jinke saamne #i can just divert the topic from myself avoid talking about me she's determined and caring like that😭 #just. kya batau main #i spent the whole day working but really if i stopped doing anything for like 2 minutes all the last convos i had with everyone i #liked loved whatever started replaying in my head constantly making me feel all down and sad in public yk that empty heaviness inside chest #i mean. what is there to say. i feel truly pathetic #everyone just keeps leaving me. they decide one day that oh nope she's not for me not interesting anymore doesn't understand is too much #draining and destroys my peace and then they leave #it doesn't even matter the weight of the relationship #whether it's been a year of being in love or two weeks of talking till 5 am or a week of wishing me good morning and good night #every day. it doesn't matter they leave and they leave and they leave and they don't look back and im left to pick up the pieces go on #pretend to be okay and normal and fucking focused on like. studying accounts as if my heart isn't breaking #into a million tiny pieces everytime #i don't know how to tell her. the sister you love so much the sister you can't live without imagine life without. the #sister who you thought about holding on for because you couldn't do that to her leave her alone when you had suicidal thoughts. she's #she's actually deeply unlovable undateable unfuckable and like truly lonely and easy to let go of #i know she loves me and i know my bestfriend loves me and she would fall apart if i wasn't there for her #but it's not enough. i really wish it was. but it's okay it's enough for now it's enough to keep me going it's enough to make me not wanna #die yk? like i don't love myself enough to live for myself get better for myself but they need me so i need to be okay be happy because i #need them to be happy. and they're happy when im happy #does that make sense #okay bye i should really start writing a diary

[piplupod]

hate waking up scared for no apparent reason. girl what do u mean im scared of going to my old lady yarn group !!!!!

#i have to force myself to go because otherwise i will be very mentally unwell in like three days bc i didnt socialize w non-family fdsjkl #this group of elders is the thin thread keeping my sanity intact i swear to god fhdsgjkl i would be so much more unstable without them #im not stable by any means but like... u know HFDSJKL #i am assuming i had some trauma nightmares last night that Kam's tucked away out of reach bc thats usually whats happened- #-when i wake up feeling this way. BLEGHGHHH #i have like... this terrible feeling the past few days that smth is about to break and crash down on me #but i cannot let it stop me from going to the group fsdkl i need to interact w someone who is not [redacted] #(redacted because i cant think of a light-hearted way to label Le Abuser rn so HEEHOO honks my clown nose and scuttles away) #giving a thumbs up with a big strained smile and pretending everything is okay and fine and i am sooooo normal and not feeling [redacted] #ITS OKAY ITS FINE i am just going to keep my head down and keep trudging forwards. gotta pretend the emotions do not exist dsjkfl #i've got art to make and blorbos to think about and sunlight to appreciate and elders to socialize with and stories to share !!! #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[orcelito]

Got the idea of getting a tattoo for my dad, & my sister said she'd be willing to get a matching one with me

This, of all things, has made me cry again for the first time in days

#speculation nation #not a bad cry necessarily. certainly not the chest aching breath gasping kinds of cries i had when things were more fresh #just a few quiet tears. the ache of knowledge that hes gone #and the quiet wish to keep a permanent memento of him. to match how he's formed my very soul. #i had another dream about him last night. another moment of unconscious acceptance. #the first one. i think it was near the start of the week. i was exploring what was in-dream an old school he went to #looking for signs of his old life. #& in the end i jumped down the center of a tall stairwell. with no fear bc i had something to break my fall. #it felt like release. and acceptance. #last night's dream. i dont remember most of it. but i remember seeing him in-dream #then remembering he was actually dead with an ache of true wrongness. #it felt like a different kind of acceptance. one step at a time the truth sinking into my psyche #because he still doesnt feel dead. not really. but with each passing day it becomes a little more real. #i still wish this was a nightmare i could wake up from. or a bad route i could reload a save to avoid. #i sometimes do dream of the deaths of people i love. and i have certainly dreamt of my father's death. #but this time it's real. and i cant wake up from it. #at this point i can only hope to have dreams of him alive again. just like how my dead cats still live in my dreams. #i wish i didnt have to dream of it. i wish he was still here.

[beepbeepdespair]

good morning! i've just had the worst night of my life :)

#BIG tw for discussion of paranoia in the following tags: #ok. so. it's kinda hard to put into words but i spent the whole of last night being tortured by nightmares and general paranoia #it feels like i was being a child again but like. i just felt like i was being watched all the time #and i was so sure there was someone or something in my room but i was too scared to open my eyes to check #felt like there was a hand just above my neck ready to break it.... #i had to get up and read for a while to try and calm down. i don't even want to think about how few hours of sleep i got #and then i got up and ive been ill all morning! why can't i catch a fucking break... #oh and my heart's been going a lil faster than i'd like. just call me miss trainwreck #beep beep gets personal #personal #textpost #text post #night #paranoia #nightmares

[quiltedlovers]

semester wind down has brought the return of the evening beddy bye nighty night comfy cosy reading for Lesiure and i have this beautiful jade green lamp on my night stand that i got at a thrift store that i love dearly but the longer i leave it on the hotter it gets and i am afraid i will fall asleep reading and my apartment building will burn down

#i wonder if i should part with my beautiful lamp lest disaster transpire #but no i shant i love her dearly #i have been thinking about getting different ambient lighting because i want to get a standing lamp to go near my kitchen table #and a natural light lamp for drawing #much to think about #gonna have all the homies over at once on at least one occasion over the break so ill probably get input then since i am incapable of #making decisions independently #and if my apartment burns down before then. Fuck #i fell asleep last night reading marjorie bowen and i woke up long enough to turn off the lamp but then i had the strangest dreams

[thedreadvampy]

I fucking love my friend!!!!!!!

#red said #I've been staying with my friend since Thursday night #they are one of my two amazing trauma-bonded pals from way back when #the Gay Goth Goblin Gang #as we have renamed the groupchat since everyone came out #and we have just had a chill fuckin time. we haven't really done anything other than that they had a gig on Thursday #which slapped btw #since then we've just like. sat around. watched cartoons and Auntie Donna. listened to the Trump arraignment. #talked a wee bit about trauma and mental health #most of the time we're hanging out on the balcony while they smoke up #uhhhh we went to their friends house and watched dont hug me I'm scared. we went out for wings. i met their boyfriend #these sorts of things. super chill super low key. #anyway i am in my way to bed and i gave them a hug and thanked them for a lovely weekend and they said #'thanks it's been nice to have a couple of days free of anxiety' #and i just. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ i love them so much #tbh last time i saw them one on one (cause the three of us catch up most Christmases) i was kind of a mega ultra me #mess. like i had been in therapy for like 6 months and i was in the break it down phase of breaking myself down and building back up. #and we were smoking up with their friends and they were talking about a stag do they'd gone to back home that my ex had been at #and my ex. I have. Experiences. that I'm fairly sure my friend is unaware of or they would NOT have been talking positively about him #so last time we were hanging out i was attempting to hide a full blown ptsd attack while also trying to be Charming to Strangers #cause i wanted to talk to my friend about the thing that i was dealing with but i was too scared to 🙁 #this time has been REALLY nice. like super nice. #i haven't gone into close detail on anything but we've chatted broad strokes about a lot of both of our Shit #which is also what i found talking to our other bestie. we're all in a place where we can support each other without depleting ourselves. #and with enough distance from our teenage selves that we can joke about the whole nonces-hanging-around-14-year-olds thing #and in their case the violent homophobia thing #idk this is all getting really negative sounding but it's not negative!!!! i just love them!!!! #I'm really happy i made some time to come and just Be With My Friend for no reason with no structure other than Hang Out #it's nice!!!!!! i like them!!!!!! #also holy shit leeds has some good food

[vvanessaives]

— OCS AND TRAGIC HORROR TROPES.

i was tagged by @florbelles @henrytlney @denerims @jillvalcntines @devilbrakers @indorilnerevarine @swordcoasts @nuclearstorms to take this quiz for my ocs, thank you all soso much!!!

tagging: i'm pretty sure this made the rounds already jsfkjfkd so i'm not directly tagging anyone but if you see this and want to give it a shot just say i tagged you!! <3

THE FINAL GIRL

the final girl comes out the other end of trauma alive- or, they were supposed to. honestly, you're not so sure you're really alive anymore. you saw the same hurt take those you were closest to while everyone paraded your bruises as bravery, as strength, as if you're the hero. and it hurts. you're tired and you don't want to have to be brave anymore. whatever you went through, it changed so much of who you were that you're still getting used to the person you see in the mirror. you didn't have a say in any of it, but you're here now, and that's gotta count for something. you'll make it count for something. but first, you need to let yourself find rest.

FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER

this plight is the simplest of them all: you did not ask for this. you were never given a choice. no part of yourself feels human, just a collection of traits you've picked up from mirroring anyone you could, even the people you meet through a television screen. it's alienating to live that way- yet someone has called you the alienating one. maybe too many people to count. maybe they treated you so uncomfortably inhuman that it's all you can understand now, or you've dug yourself into such a deep hole in an attempt to keep safe that you can't remember a person living in the home of your body at all. being alive is confusing and painful and lonely and loud but living is all there is to being human- you're already there. just take air into your lungs and breathe. close your eyes and picture a beautiful sky. you made that. you painted that yourself.

THE VAMPIRE

it is the loneliest day of a vampire's life, the first time they look into a mirror and see their reflection missing. drinking blood sucks too, don't get me wrong, but as a vampire you had to learn to hide from the sunlight, from your family, all your friends, because you were unavoidably different now and you didn't know how to explain that to them in a way they would understand. you could get stranger's blood in bursts, but what is life when you can't know someone for longer than the night lasts? you left everything behind because it was easier than trying to tell them. i just hope you know you're not the only vampire out there, and that there exist people who will understand your situation without a word. they'll sit with you in the dark for as long as you'll need them to.

#tag games #violante getting final girl...finally the depressed goths are winning baby!!! #inch resting results i gotta say vio's not being alive anymore but not in the sense of life. more like complete emptiness & that whole part #about being changed so much you can barely recognise yourself in the mirror..YEA SICK. eva's one is the most curious pondering the words #but i'm trying to avoid writing a whole academic text in the tags so just. curious. living in a society that is in fact alienating & #basically living life one lie at a time. curious. don't get me started #FENIX IS THE FUNNIEST ONE. (funny i say as if i'm not crying my eyes out) i see vampire and go 😏 well well hot boy shit then i read #the result and i wanted to break this quiz in half. 'what is life when you can't know someone for longer than the night lasts? you left #everything behind because it was easier than trying to tell them.' ARE U FUCKING KIDDING ME NOW. LIKE ARE U JOKING #i hate when quizs do this thing when they pin down exactly my ocs i'm like okay!!!! thank you for making me suffer i guess!!! #also fun fact all three of them had the 'ofc i am' answer at the 'are you beautiful?' question kfjdks ok babes go off!! #oc: violante #oc: evangelia #oc: fenix

[helianskies]

if a friend youve known most of your life has suggested you two go out for the day and as theyre the only driver you rely on them get around and they take the lead and say 'i'll get you at 9am' (but you know it's a soft 9am, as they have always been late for things) and then it gets to 9am that morning and they text to say 'i'm running a bit late as usual' and give no indication of when they are going to leave and it has now been 45 minutes. at what point do you say to that friend, 'let's not go out today or anytime in the near future' ??

#im not happy #im not #he originally cancelled bc his car had to go in for checks and then he text me last night to say car's fine let's go #and i wasnt in the mood for it but i know he wants to get out away from his family atm #but fucking hell #you have had twenty years to break your family's habit of being chronically late to shit #i even suggested going later bc i know he isnt a morning person but he insisted 9am was fine #i could have been doing things. other things. my own family things. WRITING THINGS. #i am not happy. im so close to sitting him down and telling him some facts about him and his family bc my god his mum as well #has said some things i could slap her #but no no mummy's boy probably doesn't know that huh #god i am. i am already over today. #helia rants #please. tell me if i am being unreasonable. #i just dont get it #he wanted to go to oxford. great. for 3 fucking hours?? by the time we get there and then have to leave??

[good-night-space-kid]

How to professionally say “I feel like my mind and body are failing me and it’s causing me to be mentally and physically unwell to the degree that I can’t do anything nearly every day”

#I keep having to miss my lab shifts because of stuff #and I feel really bad about it #but it’s all real shit #like I had an optical migraine and couldn’t see (I work at a microscope most of the time) #and my vertigo has been kicking my ass which means I’ve been joining class online because I can’t look between the board and my notes #and I have a hard time walking there because I have to sit down so I don’t throw up or pass out #but like. god this chronic shit fucking sucks #my stomach has been killing me too #and last night my whole back broke out in a rash and I’m still super itchy #I just haven’t been able to get a break all semester and it’s getting to me mentally

[hollyhumbrstone]

.

#taylor and joe breaking up has really sent me spiralling about my own relationship #like everything is so perfect now and i’m the happiest i’ve ever been but what if that doesn’t last #i literally had a panic attack about it last night and he held me until i came down #i genuinely hate having anxiety like this it ruins mf EVERYTHING #i need therapy but like what do i say to my therapist???? #my parasocial relationship with taylor swift has led me to believe love isn’t real??? #ashley talks shit