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kiyomai · 3 years

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Just thinking of haikyu! boys and their Instagram accounts!! Every single one of them would have different vibes to their accounts and it’s only right to go through them together.

BOKUTO uses the same account he made when he first downloaded the app. If you scroll far enough, you’ll see the first picture of a younger Bo with a wide smile and a thumbs up, don’t forget the corny caption reading ‘Welcome to my life!’ Timeskip!Bokuto would still post cringy things, but don’t think for one second that you won’t make special appearances on there. Remember that he’s a pro athlete, so he will have that blue check mark signifying he’s verified; if you’re not for social media presences he’ll respect that. He’ll try to bring you up only on special occasions, either by keeping it limited or just not showing your face (he’s respectful like that).

“Babe, come take pictures with me! Everyone’s dying to see you!”

“We’re only doing a few pictures, Kou!”

He loves livestreams so much! The first time he made a live, he had no idea how to use it. Oh my goodness he was so clueless. The comments were flooding in and the hearts were floating. He tried his hardest to answer everyone’s questions and that’s the reason for his struggle. He would try to scroll up and start from the beginning, but it obviously backfired on him. He would’ve struggled a lot more if it weren’t for your help. Telling him to just thank everyone for their kind words in general, and if he wanted to answer full on questions, to read them as quick as possible and do it. After getting the hang of it, Bokuto would make his livestreams frequent. Sharing with his lovely followers what he was up to and sneaking the phone towards you every once in a while.

“‘How is your relationship with Y/N so perfect.’ Babe, come here! The people wanna know how our relationship is so perfect!”

“Kou, don’t go telling your followers everything’s perfect when you haven’t taken out the trash like I asked you to!”

“I will talk to you guys tomorrow, I have some important things to do. But, this is how you maintain a perfect relationship. Okay, bye!”

IWAIZUMI has two Instagram accounts; a public and a private. His public is only used when he wants to share his moments with his team, the pictures that don’t make it to the official team Instagram page. His private is the same one he made when he was in high school. The earliest post you’ll find is a mirror picture of him in the gym, post-workout sweat covering his bare chest and somewhat toned legs. The captions are those lame gym quotes to ‘inspire’ motivation, but Iwaizumi didn’t realize that most people found them quite obnoxious. He’s always tempted to delete them, hating the way you and his friends always bring it up and poke fun.

“You’re not allowed to delete those pictures, Hajime! How else is Mattsun supposed to get inspiration for his upcoming Halloween costume?”

“You’re unbelievable. I’m deleting them as we speak!”

Having his own private account gives him room to be himself, so Iwaizumi always posts things that catch his eyes. He’s always posting nature and the trips he makes, not wanting those memories to go away. He’s the type of boyfriend to want to take pictures of the two of you kissing in a new area. Countless photos of different outfits, different settings, different locations, but always the same two lovers.

“L/N Y/N, you get your ass back over here and kiss me like you mean it. You know better!”

“We’ve done this five times already, Hajime! It’s not my fault you have grandpa hands and can’t stop shaking while taking the pictures!”

“That doesn’t excuse the lazy kiss!”

SAKUSA only has an Instagram account because of Komori, and he only continues to use it because of the teams pr manager. If it weren’t for them, Sakusa would not have social media. He hates that it’s public, but he also doesn’t want to make a private account, that’s just too much work. He knows it’s to make him more appealing to his fans, but Sakusa wishes he didn’t have to do it.

“All you have to do is smile and it’ll be over, Omi. You haven’t posted in a while and your manager only wants three little pictures.”

“Maybe if you ask me nicely, I’ll be more inclined to do it. Until then, you’re not getting any pictures of me.”

He hates how unauthentic Instagram feels, but you make it bearable for him. You seem to capture the realest moments, moments where he feels like Sakusa Kiyoomi. They range from volleyball to his personal life with you. He loves posting the videos where he’s the first to achieve a service ace, the story behind the competition always brings a smile to his face. And doing normal things with you helps add authenticity and realness that he never would’ve achieved if anyone else was in charge of his account

“Make sure you include the pictures we took at the store. You looked really nice in them.”

“That’s so cute, Omi. See, you can be so nice when you want to be.”

“Forget what I said, don’t post anything, you asshole.”

a/n: this is about as much as i can handle lmao school is kicking me in the booty. but i really loved writing this! if you liked these, don’t be afraid to request this for other characters; i’d love to make this a series :) likes/comments/reblogs are welcome and appreciated <3

#haikyu x reader #bokuto x reader #iwaizumi x reader #sakusa x reader #haikyu fluff #bokuto fluff #iwaizumi fluff #sakusa fluff #haikyu scenarios #bokuto kotarou #iwaizumi hajime #sakusa kiyoomi #hq scenarios #hq x reader #hq fluff #haikyu!!

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fanfics-for-the-hockey-fan · 4 years

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My Treasure - William Nylander

Request: Can you do one where you are pregnant with William nylanders baby and getting hate and he makes you feel better

Getting pregnant at 24 was definitely not a part of my 5 year post college plan. Then again falling in love wasn't one of my bullet points either. But when my period was over a week late I knew that everything was about to change. William was thrilled when he saw the bolded word on the pregnancy test, immediately wanting to tell anyone he could. I was a little more hesitant to share the news.

I knew that I wanted children someday and those feelings intensified once my relationship with William became serious, I just figured we would be married and I would be a little more secure in my teaching job before we would add a baby to the mix. We told our families first and they were all excited and happy for us, same with friends and teammates. The real problem came when we started to share the news with the rest of the world. On William's social media everyone was happy for us and wishing us well, but mine is where all of the hate went.

She probably got knocked up so he couldn't leave her.

Hopefully you don't gain too much baby weight, you could already stand to lose a little.

You're not even pregnant with his kid I bet, just went to the guy with the biggest paycheck.

I did my best to delete the comments as soon as I saw them, hiding them from William so he wouldn’t get upset. Some people didn't get the hint after the first deleted comment and I would end up blocking them. Two weeks after announcing our pregnancy the nasty comments were outweighing the nice ones of my post. My pregnancy hormones went crazy one day when my pants didn't fit for the first time of the pregnancy and William was away on a road trip until the morning.

I canceled my plans to go get dinner with some friends and instead had a pity party in some of William's clothes with ice cream and reading through all the horrible things that were being said about me.

I can't believe he is still with her, she is not pretty enough for him.

Fat cow

You are going to ruin his career with the child.

I cried myself to sleep on the couch after midnight and didn't wake up until someone was brushing some hair out of my face. Slowly opening my eyes I saw a concerned William kneeling on the floor in front of me. "Ellie, what’s wrong? Were you crying?" I sat up, making room for William next to me before he pulled me into his lap. "Your friends texted me last night and told me you skipped on going to dinner with them. Is everything okay? Is the baby okay?"

"The baby is fine, I just couldn't find anything that fit comfortably with the bump. I had a pity party with ice cream and must have fallen asleep." Everything I said was true, I just left out one major thing.

"I'm sorry babe, but can I finally buy you some new maternity clothes? Please." He gave me puppy dog eyes as he begged, causing me to laugh and turn to face him more.

"You love shopping more than I do."

"Is that a yes? I'm taking that as a yes. Go get ready, shopping might take all day." With that he was carrying me down the hall, laughing the entire way. When he finally set me down I managed to find a t-shirt dress that wasn't too uncomfortable and proceeded to get ready.

***

After a full day of shopping William took me out to dinner at our favorite Spanish restaurant. I excused myself after we ordered a bunch of small plates to share to run to the bathroom and when I got back William was standing at the table with a large plastic bag and shaking hands with the owner. "What's going on?"

"I thought you might be more comfortable if we went home and ate. I've kept you busy most of the day so I know your feet must be bothering you." His tone was off but I brushed it off as we headed out. The drive home was a tense silence without even the radio playing.

I didn't say anything until we were in the apartment and William started slamming cabinet doors as he got plates. "What's wrong?"

"I just don't get why people spend so much time trying to make other people down! Like, what does it do for them?" He had a fire in his eyes I had only ever seen on the ice, and I wasn't sure what was causing it.

"I'm going to some more context here. Did something happen at the restaurant?"

"Before we left the last store I took a couple of pictures for our shopping day and posted them to Instagram. I thought it was no big deal, just sharing what I was up to on a day off. And then when you were in the bathroom your phone started buzzing like crazy so I thought someone was trying to call you. But all of your notifications were for Instagram, and I know I shouldn't have opened the app on your phone but I thought maybe it was your girlfriends' group chat and Sophie finally got engaged." I let out a small chuckle at that, we basically were taking bets on when her and her high school sweetheart would finally take the next step.

"I'm guessing that isn't what you saw." I knew what he was going to say next but I was hoping with every fiber of my being that I was wrong.

"No, I saw the worst of humanity in your DMs. I just- how can people be so cruel?" William slumped into the bar stool next to me at the island as I reached for my phone having to see what was sent to me now. "Ellie…" I ignored his worried warning as I opened up the app, going to my DMs.

Fat cow, you only got pregnant so that you could lock in some who is far too good for you. I hope he sees he could do so much better and kicks you out before that baby ruins his career and life!

So you are just using him for his money. I bet the baby isn’t even his, probably a teammate who makes less. Whore!

Bitch, why are you even with Willy? He is a literal hockey god and from what i can tell you are just some stupid high school math teacher. He can do so much better than you.

There were over 50 messages just like those, all sent within the last hour. I didn't even dare look at the comments on my latest post, even though it was a few days old the braver trolls put their nasty messages there for the whole world to see.

"How long has this been happening?" I had hopped off my stool, going to plate up the food we brought home and trying to avoid the conversation I knew we needed to have. "Ellie… Please talk to me. How long?"

"Honestly, since we started posting that we were dating. It's gotten worse since we posted that we are gonna be parents."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because part of me thought that if I just deleted the messages and comments that it wasn't real. That if I was the only one who knew that I could just pretend that it was all in my head. Then there is that stupid voice in my head that likes to play up my insecurities, that made me feel like if you saw what people were sending me that you would believe it. And I know that thinking that is stupid and unrealistic but it can sometimes be the loudest thing in there." William also got off his stool, coming to stand right in front of me. He kissed my forehead before cupping my cheeks and holding eye contact.

"Min skatt, never feel like you have to hide this from me. You are the one I am in love with and want to spend the rest of my life with. You are the only one that can make me smile and laugh when I am in a bad mood after a game. You are the only one I see myself growing old, and possibly bald with." I let out a gasp at the word bald, he was so protective about his hair.

"See, the rational part of me knows all that."

"Well, let me make it clear to every part of you. I love you with every fiber of my being and as soon as I meet with your father next week to ask for his blessing, I will be asking you to marry me."

"Will…"

"But I am going to need you to act surprised when I ask." That got a small chuckle out of me.

"I'll do my best." William's stomach growled then, making both laugh. "Let's eat before your stomach starts communicating with us again." William just nods, a thoughtful look on his face that I'm sure would cause problems later but right now I just wanted to live in the happy moment.

After reheating the food and settling at the kitchen island to eat, I went through and deleted all the DMs and comments. I barely registered what they said as I deleted. What I didn't know was Will was looking at the comments as I deleted before pulling out his own phone. It was only when my phone buzzed with another notification that I found out what he was doing.

@williamnylander tagged you in a post

The post was two pictures side by side; the first was from our first date at a Christmas market, all bundled up and snuggled into each other as we took the photo in a mirror. The other picture was a selfie he took of us at my last doctor's appointment for the pregnancy, both of us were all smiles as I sat on the exam table with a picture of the sonogram on the screen behind us.

Two pictures of the love of my life. One from our first date, where I was a clutz and spilt hot chocolate all over her light grey coat and she still agreed to a second date. The other from a few weeks ago when we got another look at our baby.

I can say without any doubt that having Ellie in my life has only made it better. She has become my sounding board for when I'm frustrated, my motivation to score more goals, and my ray of sunshine on any cloudy day.

I knew from that first date that Ellie was the one for me, no one can tell me otherwise. And now she is carrying our first child. My heart continues to grow and fall in love with this amazing, kind, dedicated, caring, loving, and perfect woman each day.

I am so lucky to spend time with you each day and anyone who says otherwise is wrong and jealous of what we have.

Min skat, I am so excited to watch our family grow and experience the joys and challenges of parenthood with you. Ellie I love you and can't wait to see where we go next.

Together.

The tears started flowing before I even read the caption, the pictures enough with my pregnancy hormones. But the words William managed to write push me over the edge, I was crying at the love he put into the words but also laughing at the not so subtle 'fuck you' to all the nasty people who sent you messages.

"Did I overstep? I don’t want to embarrass you."

"It's perfect. You're perfect. I love you."

"I love you too, and I plan on showing you that everyday. Even if it is something as simple as an Instagram post."

"It's not just the post, it's that you are saying to all the people who see your pictures and then come trash talk to me that you know about them. And that will probably stop some of them from doing it again. And anyone who doesn't get the message gets blocked."

"Good. Now, let go watch some TV and cuddle." Nodding grabbing my plate of food, following William to the couch before curling into his side.

As William pulled up the next episode of a show we were binging, I thought of something. "You never have told me what 'min skat' means."

"It means 'my treasure'. And it reminds me how lucky I am every day to have you in my life."

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frustratedrose · 3 years

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My Pandemic Story

Hi, this is Quenn Rose C. Tosloc , a TCM student and this is my pandemic story.

Ever since I was a kid, I lack self-confidence. When I started to enter high school, lack of self-confidence was added by lack of self-love. I don’t know why, but I keep seeing the bad things in me. I know it’s a bad habit to always compare yourself to others, but I can’t help to compare myself to those girls who are way prettier than me, and what I envy most is their confidence. I want that confidence, but I don’t how to gain it. I was like this until college, till the pandemic came.

When quarantine started we are all obliged to stay at home and online learning becomes an alternative way to continue education. I thought it was okay, but everything became worst for me. Because of isolation I have all the time to think about those things I haven’t thought of before and all the insecurities I try to disregard before, came out. Added by academic stress, and family-related problems, my mind went haywire. Break down after break down, neither of my friends nor does family know about this. I always cry at night hoping all my frustrations would go away, turns out tears can’t do the magic. I have the urge to detach myself from social media. I want to delete all those apps related to it, but how can I? One of them was needed for online classes, and maybe some part of me doesn’t want to because it became my distraction this stressful year.

I’ll do better next time, a phrase I keep on repeating, but the truth is I’m not doing anything. I became a liar to myself. I came to a point where I can’t understand myself anymore, and I felt lost. I just want to sit in the corner and cry without knowing the reasons why. I was like that for months, pretending to be okay outside, while my mind was in great chaos. Until one day, I realized I can’t continue being like this. I started looking for motivational quotes that somehow would uplift my spirit, trying things I haven’t tried before and keeping my faith in Him. I also started to write my emotions, my feelings, and my frustrations in a small notebook. Journaling became my best friend. It helps me to calm down and improve my mood. I feel like I am right back on track.

One time, while I was browsing on an app to entertain myself, I saw a quote that changed my well-being. It says “Love yourself the way you love others”, it hit me hard, I know how to give love to others, I know how to take care of them, but to myself, I don’t do such a thing. Instead of loving myself, I do the opposite. I realized I am way too hard on myself. Slowly, I stop complaining about things I have no control about. I started to accept the challenges that God has put me through because I believe he won’t put me in this kind of situation if I can’t surpass it. I also started to love and accept what society calls ‘flaw.’ I started to understand that beauty standard doesn’t exist, it was only set by humans. We are born with different races, colors, body shapes, and etc., we are born different from one another, so why do we try so hard to fit in those standards. Let’s make ourselves the standard of beauty.

It’s never easy, I can’t say that I totally accept all my insecurities, but I’m half way there. I am still in the process of building my confidence, accepting my flaws, and loving myself. This pandemic has brought negative things to us, but we can use this time to rebuild or to improve ourselves.

#self love #pandemic life #personal blog

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kategrainger · 4 years

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Suggested Solutions for Those Who Struggle with Self-Love

Happiness can be a fleeting thing, especially if you’re tired or over stressed. Today in this busy world it is ever more important to take the time for self care.

Neglecting and ignoring your needs is not noble. It’s not a badge that you should wear proudly. Putting everything and everyone else above your physical, mental, emotional or spiritual health is a sign of martyrdom, low self-esteem, and workaholism. It is not selflessness or a good work ethic.

We need to teach ourselves how to care for our needs. Why? Because no one else is going to do it for us!

Self-care means taking steps to look after yourself and your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual needs.

Self-care starts with the acknowledgment that you are responsible for your wellbeing.

Self-care is an integral part of self-love which is the practice of being kind and compassionate towards yourself.

Here are signs to identify warning signs that you are neglecting self-care:

• Constant tiredness and fatigue • Irritability (little things annoy you) • Poor sleep quality • Muscle tension • Chronic illnesses (e.g. colds, flu, infections) • Anxiety and worry • Paranoia • Neglecting family or friend time • Obsessive rumination (mind won’t shut off) • Constant low-grade depression • More dread than excitement • Disconnection from your body • No time to do what makes you happy • All work and no play • Feelings of emptiness • Negative and self-sabotaging thoughts • Low self-worth and insecurity

There can be many other signs, but determining if you experience any of the above is a good place to start.

Why are we resistant to self-care?

You’ve probably heard it before. “I’m too busy to do that,” “I have too much on my plate right now,” “I’m inundated with work.” I’ve been guilty of using these banal excuses more than once, let me assure you!

Self-care, to many people, is also unfortunately associated with selfishness. There is an old and outdated perception that taking care of your needs first equals being self-centred. How are we able to take care of others if we cannot take care of ourselves?

Poor self-esteem is another reason why some people are resistant to self-care. The belief that “I’m not worth it” is so pervasive in our society that it’s an epidemic. Inevitably, poor self-worth results in self-neglect, sometimes even as a form of self-punishment. So I encourage you to practise the self-care ideas below. The more you incorporate them into your life, the better you will feel about who you are - at a core level.

Self-care suggestions for those struggling with self-love

If you struggle with stress, feelings of being overwhelmed, a mind that just won’t turn off, grapple with low motivation, negative mindsets, self-defeating habits, tend to be cynical, neurotic or highly-strung … this list is for you.

The best advice I can give you is to take it one step at a time. Don’t rush. The advice presented below is the work of a lifetime – not the work of a week. So be realistic and do the best you can.

Self-Care Ideas for the Body

1. Sit somewhere in nature. Feel relaxed by the scenery, the fresh air, and the birds singing.

2. Have a soothing bath. Put some essential oil in the bath to unwind and let go.

3. Take a deep mindful breath. Oxygenate your body, reduce the tension, and refresh your energy.

4. Have a nap. Find a comfy place and drift off into dream time. Set a timer if you’re worried about sleeping too much.

5. Make yourself some delicious food. Eat a tasty salad. Cook some comfort food. Make something just for you.

6. Dance to your favourite song. Get in touch with your playful side and enjoy a good workout while you’re at it!

7. Drink some herbal tea. Make yourself a soothing brew with whatever tea you have lying around. If you like experimenting, try holy basil, damiana, chamomile, and lavender.

8. Give yourself a massage. There are many self-massage techniques which you can easily find online that require nothing but your hands. For a deep tissue massage, you can use an old tennis ball and roll out the kinks in your muscles.

9. Eat your leafy greens every day. Nourish your body with the vitamins and minerals found in leafy greens like spinach, broccoli, and kale. If you don’t like the taste, add them to your smoothie or soup.

10. Take a walk in the sun. Get some vitamin D. Clear your mind. You’ll be exercising while you’re at it.

11. Create a physical space that nurtures your wellbeing. Get rid of the clutter, dirt, and dust around you. Create order in your environment as this will create more order in your mind.

Self-Care Ideas for the Heart

12. Give yourself a big hug. Stand somewhere quiet and hug yourself. Feel held and comforted.

13. Have a good laugh. Watch or read something entertaining even if that means a silly video of baby goats in pyjamas on YouTube.

14. Have a good cry. Let out all your feelings. Watch a sad movie. Have a tissue box and a blanket to snuggle in handy.

15. Show gratitude. Find something to be thankful for in your life.

16. Look at yourself through the eyes of a loving parent. Be the best mother or father to yourself that you could possibly be. Treat your inner child with love, gentleness, and respect.

17. Say kind words to yourself. When you’re angry, sad or scared, gently tell yourself, “It’s OK,” “I understand,” “I forgive you,” “You can do this,” “I believe in you.”

18. Learn how to self-soothe. Feeling anxious or upset is normal. Find little rituals or practices that make you feel calm such as drinking a cup of cocoa, heating up a hot pack, listening to music, colouring-in, or cuddling a soft toy.

19. Go on a date with yourself. Go somewhere special and spend a day with yourself. Spend time thinking about the qualities you most love and appreciate in yourself.

20. Check in with your heart. Regularly explore how you’re feeling on an emotional level. Does something feel uncomfortable or wrong? What emotions are currently dominating your inner landscape? By gently acknowledging these emotions you’ll be able to practice self-care.

21. Spend time around people that support you. Find people who believe in and uplift you. Keep away from those who seek to drag you down and infect your life with negativity.

Self-Care Ideas for the Mind

22. Feed and expand your mind. Learn something new. Read up on different topics and open your mind to new perspectives. Enrich your understanding of the world.

23. Journal and self-reflect. Record your journey with self-care and write down your key discoveries. Reflect on your progress and feel proud.

24. Still your mind. Find a way to calm your mind each day. Meditation or mindfulness are two excellent practices. Pay attention to the present moment and get out of your thoughts.

25. Take a break from social media. Clear the stream of your mind for a few days. Give yourself a break from the comparison, egotism, and drama that stems from social media. Delete social media apps from your phone and spend time doing something else.

26. Create a routine for your day. The mind thrives with structure. Create clarity and order by setting in place clear habits and routines. Just ensure that you are flexible and allow these structures to shift and evolve through time as need be.

27. Create an achievements folder. Whether on your computer or in a physical folder, set aside a place where you can record all of your proudest moments. What obstacles have you overcome? What projects have you completed? What struggles have you managed to learn from? Record all of your successes to reflect on when you’re in a funk or feeling like a failure.

28. Simplify your to-do list. Ask yourself, “What is actually necessary?” Identify the things on your mental (or physical) to do list that are wasting space. Not everything is vital or important to do. Minimising what you have to get done can reduce a tremendous amount of stress. Use a technique such as the Eisenhower Matrix to assess what is vital vs. unimportant.

29. Put your phone on airplane mode. Airplane mode stops all calls, texts, and annoying distractions from interfering with your life. Free yourself temporarily each day from the mental slavery of perpetually checking your phone. For example, after 6 pm take a ‘mini holiday’ from your phone until the next morning.

30. Set yourself small, manageable goals. Set yourself one or two major things you want to accomplish each day that will bring you a sense of success or fulfilment. This could be as simple as cooking a nice meal to as big as writing a chapter in your book. Simply feeling like you’ve achieved one of your goals is a wonderful feeling that you can experience daily!

31. Do something outside of your comfort zone. Even if that means going a new route to work or walking your dog along a new street! Enjoy the sense of self-confidence and empowerment that comes from knowing you can do something a bit uncomfortable and different.

32. Set clear boundaries. Stand up for yourself and say “no” even if your voice shakes. Set clear limits on your time and energy. Safeguarding your energy is a form of self-care and self-respect. Give energy only to that which you consciously agree to invite into your life.

Self-Care Ideas for the Soul

33. Light a candle and watch the shifting light. Indulge in some relaxation with a scented candle. Watch the flickering of the light against the wall and connect with your inner self.

34. Ask for help and guidance.If you’re feeling confused, lost, sad, stressed or depressed, reach out to someone. Asking for help is a sign of courage and intelligence. Find a trusted friend, advisor or professional to help you out.

35. Connect with your soul’s guidance. There are countless ways to interact with your soul essence. Prayer, meditation, visualisation, oracle reading, and dream work are all fairly simple ways to get back in touch with your core.

36. Be receptive to beauty. Beauty opens and expands the soul. Beauty can intoxicate and fill you with awe. Find at least one beautiful thing every day to enchant you. Nature is an easy and nourishing place to find all things beautiful and wild.

37. Connect with another person. Find someone to have a heart-to-heart conversation with, even if that person is online. Express your deepest thoughts and feelings and reciprocate that with another who is on the same wavelength as you. Human connection, when it is authentic and raw, is uplifting to the soul.

38. Be your own best friend and soulmate. Treat yourself as you wish to be treated. Enjoy spending time with yourself and fall in love with who you are. Celebrate your messy humanity and divinity and the strange paradox of who you are.

39. Creatively express your deepest feelings. Write, draw, sculpt, scrapbook, paint, sing or dance your rawest feelings. Creatively express yourself in whatever way feels most appealing and natural. You don’t have to be an artist to do this! Self-expression and creativity are universal balms for the soul and have tremendous healing energy.

How to Use the Suggestions Above

Some final thoughts on the self-care suggestions I’ve just shared: pay attention to any that jump out at you. When reading through this list, which ideas tug at your attention? Focus on those first. Remember, there’s no need to rush! That would be contrary to the point of this article. So go at your own pace. Do as much or as little as feels comfortable to you. Most importantly, be consistent. Self-care is a habit and with a little stubbornness, it can become a wonderful way of life.

© Kate Grainger 2020. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Casey Carlisle with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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asking-jude · 4 years

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Hello!! If you can't answer, it's totally okay! 💞 But I've been having a lot of issues with my mental health and with state of the world rn i don't have the motivation to even try anymore. I have no idea where to start, my living situation doesn't allow me to try to enjoy the small things much. I just? Idk, i can't drive so i can't get a job, i have no money so i can't get therapy, and i don't have much to look forward to. Any ideas where to start trying? Thank you in advance!!!!

Hi love,

Thank you for coming to Asking Jude for advice. I’m very sorry to hear about how your mental health and state of the world have been affecting you. Motivation can be difficult to maintain, especially in difficult times like these. Rest assured, you are not alone. I hope that with the tips provided below, Asking Jude can help you with your mental health. Remember that change can take some time, so be kind to yourself as you grow.

To help you get started, I recommend taking a minimum of five minutes a day to practice motivating activities (examples below). Even a small step like this can increase your motivation in the long run. I found a link to an article that outlines ways to boost motivation:

https://thriveglobal.com/stories/7-powerful-ways-to-increase-self-motivation/

I want you to think about what your average daily schedule has looked like recently. See what activities take up more time than you would like. For example, you may spend more time on your phone or computer than you prefer. In this case, I would recommend deleting apps that distract you (such as social media apps) or spending less time on them (like an hour less). Then, with the new time you have now, occupy it with something you enjoy doing. If you have always wanted to explore your creative side, try using that time to create artwork (painting, drawing, playing an instrument, writing stories, etc.). Other habits that can increase motivation are cooking new meals or exercising for a few minutes a day. I also recommend creating a healthy sleep schedule for yourself. Going to sleep late and waking up early can automatically make us feel less motivated and productive. By going to sleep earlier the night before, you can achieve a good night’s rest and still wake yourself up earlier than past days. This way, you can start your day earlier and have enough time to pursue your hobbies. Here is a link with some tips to help you get started:

https://goinswriter.com/wake-up-early/.

Of course, you are still allowed to sleep in on certain days to offer you chances to relax. However, making it a habit to sleep and wake up earlier can provide you with a boost of motivation. You also mentioned not being able to afford therapy at the moment. This is completely understandable, so here are links to hotlines and text lines that I recommend instead:

National Suicide Prevention Hotline (U.S.): 1-800-273-8255

https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

http://www.contacthelpline.org/emotional-listening-support

Telephone Helpline: 877-995-5247 or download the Safe Helpline app on your phone

Crisis Helpline: 800-233-4357 -

Crisis Chat: https://www.contact-usa.org/chat.html

Crisis Text Line: Text “HOME” to 741741

Teenline: (https://teenlineonline.org/talk-now/) (open from 6pm-9/10pm each night): 310-855-HOPE (4673) or 800-852-8336 or text “TEEN” to 839863 More telephone numbers can be found here:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/telephone-hotlines-and-help-lines/

I encourage you to dedicate time during your days towards self-care. This time can include activities mentioned above, but they can also be reaching out to loved ones, watching fun movies/TV shows, treating yourself to a spa day (https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.glamour.com/gallery/13-diy-at-home-spa-tricks-2008-11/amp ), or journaling your feelings before bed every night. Please do not hesitate to reach out to us again. We support you and are here to help.

Sending love,

Helen

Asking Jude needs YOUR help! Donate pocket change here and save our safe space.

#ask #advice #mental health

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realtalkingpoints · 4 years

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Opinion: How social media and the Obama administration lead to the Impeachment of Donald Trump.

Placed historically, the real explosion in social media use occurred during the Obama administration. Advances in technology were allowing developers to create new platforms and new versions of old platforms faster and faster, each time learning from previous builds. Big data was coming into it's prime, learning more about user habits than ever before. For the first time in history, millions and millions of people had not just cell phones in their pocket, but smart phones that could access the internet. And cell phone services, along with internet capabilities were expanding to handle the new demand. The Obama administration created subsidy programs offering low cost or no cost smart phones and service providers to low income households that qualify. And apps for phones were developed, to be small versions of popular websites, to run fast, efficient, and anywhere people wanted to pull out their phones and surf them. The stage was set for a social media explosion.

All different kinds of platforms were introduced. We know the most popular ones, because they've gone viral and turned into the worlds most powerful platforms, and some are still growing. Perhaps startups today, will topple the giants in tomorrows media fad. But what we know now, is that people love to chat with each other, and interact with each other in real time, at the speed of the internet, across continents. People want to share stories and photos, promote businesses, and discuss the news of the day. The people of the world have never had an exchange of information that was this fast, this easy, and this accessible to literally billions of people. It was only a matter of time before news and politics moved at the pace of social media, and not the other way around.

Having not done or even read any case studies, and cannot conclusively say, but it seems obvious to me that younger generations were the first to adopt the internet, and social media. If you have seniors in your life, it's no secret, that they struggle at times with internet technology. The internet didn't even exist for most of their life, and now suddenly in twenty or thirty years its users have gone from thousands of college geeks and researchers, to billions of excited people trying to find one another. Our youngest generations don't know a world without the internet, some don't know a world without smartphones, google or twitter. And when a new platform idea comes along, even one with a seemingly silly name like 'Twitter', there's plenty of young people comfortable enough with internet and smart phone technology, to give it a try. They don't fear the unknowns, the hacking and 'spying' and data collection that has the older generations so apprehensive. To the younger crowd, the worst that can happen is they don't like it and they delete the app. But the good ones don't get deleted. The ones that are effective at capturing people's attention with reality tv type stimulation and peer to peer interaction, grow exponentially into massive social media networks. According to my theory, the first massive waves of users were younger.

These days, younger means more progressive, more liberal in political leaning. Their comfort level with the internet means they look there first to answer any question they might have, or for things the want to purchase. They have developed a sense of enlightenment, confident that they can find instantly, the answer to any of life’s mysteries. While waiting for a latte, while sitting on a bus, beach, or the couch at home, they can satisfying their deepest curiosities, and perhaps too often, accepting the veracity of the information delivered to them without question.

It doesn't take a genius to see the gold mine of opportunity that influencers of all types saw in social media platforms. Millions upon millions of young impressionable minds, looking for answers and perspective from their peers. Advertisers and retailers have embraced the social media craze, inventing creative new strategies to reaching new customers, specially those willing to try something new. It has literally created new industries because someone tried something, told their friends, and now everyone is selling it. For example, what is 'goat yoga'? Don't know, just google it. Its a thing, it's out there, and it owes it's success to social media. It's a revolution in the exchange of information like never before in history. Before long, social media would also be recognized as an essential tool in the fight over politics.

How better to potentially reach millions and millions of people with your political message than to put it on social media, and allow people to share that idea just by clicking a button. It's too easy. In the 2008 Presidential election, Barack Obama harnessed the networking power of social media for the first time in a Presidential election. Using still developing platforms like Twitter and Facebook, he connected with millions of young, progressive thinking voters, most of whom were willing to share his message with their peers. It was a major advantage to his campaign, since supporters of his opponent, John McCain were much older on average, and therefor much less likely to even be on social media. It gave a free soapbox to Obama that was heard by millions and millions of progressive Americans, and it was virtually all his. The voices of opposition just weren't there. The hoards of young impressionable minds thought that everyone agreed with the exciting ideas they were hearing from an enthusiastic Barack Obama. They had accidentally created their own media bubble of like minded, similarly motived, ideologues, all enjoying a strong confirmation bias. Slowly, the older more conservative Americans did adopt social media platforms, but they had a lot of catching up to do. When re-election came around, Obama's opponent in 2012, Mitt Romney made a modest effort to connect with supporters on social media. Reporting at the time was something like $8 million by Romney vs $45 million spent by the Obama campaign on social media advertising. It was clear, that the social media advantage was still firmly in the hands of the progressives, and the number of users was growing rapidly.

A skillful politician, Obama quickly learned how to generate large swells of social media activity to support his various agenda items. I'm sure they had lots of data, certainly from intelligence agencies, about the habits of trending topics on social media. Being the first American presidential administration to preside over a social media crazed nation, there must have been moments of epiphany with regards to the reaction(s) of social media communities on various policy decisions and press releases. As Facebook has acknowledged, social media cause the Arab spring. How much the Obama administration had to do with that is still up for debate. Ideas were ready to go viral in their respective communities, they just needed to be put out there at the right time, by the right influential people.

Just as politicians saw the obvious advantages to social media messaging, so did the press and news media. Journalists would use their own social media accounts to post their news stories and build followings that would supplement their print or tv audiences. I would assume the same principles apply, that younger more progressive journalists migrated toward the platforms first, giving them a jump on their older more conservative counterparts. Furthermore, the fact that these platforms are presumed to be populated first with predominantly young progressives, the approval rate and popularity of ideas and stories reported by early journalists on social media is likely skewed towards liberalism. Many of these young progressive reporters and the networks employing them rode the social media bubble to prominence and challenged their older more conservative colleagues on the national stage in popularity ratings, often successfully. The result of this effect was a national news media that favored a more progressive, liberal narrative. An unfortunate side effect of this, was the reality that popularity of news stories among social media followers, not accuracy or factual reporting, was driving viewership ratings. As news outlets realized that their new social media followers enjoyed stories about successful progressive policies and praise for the Obama administration, they began to build their staff and organizations around a strategy to deliver just that. Seemingly out of no where, Obama became the darling of the liberal press and social media.

The endless stream of positive feedback from the press and social media had it's effect on the Obama administration. They soon realized that blunders and mistakes could get washed up in a circular round of praise and applause on other topics of the day, while the bad news went completely ignored by a majority of the news media. Their audience simply didn't want to hear the bad news, so they just didn't report it. Knowing their misdeeds would go largely forgiven by a lapdog media, the Obama administration began to push the norms of public approval with their progressive policies. The highly controversial Affordable Care Act, was signed into law despite zero Republican votes for the package. Republicans were waiving their hands in the isles of congress, shouting as loudly as they could that the math didn't work, and that millions of hard working middle class Americans were going to carry the burden of this bloated package. But they didn't have the social media push or news media support to get their message out, and those Republicans were labeled as one of many hateful stereotypes by the social media mob. Other Obama moves like the targeting of conservative non-profit groups by the IRS during the 2012 presidential election, and the dreadful Iran deal, which should have received much media scrutiny, all got passing grades from news reporters and their social media echo chambers.

It was probably during Obama's second term, conservatives woke up to realize that social media was where the real conversation is. Not that they hadn't been participating thus far, but as a whole, the conservatives had been sluggish to migrate toward social media platforms. But watching liberalism taking over news media, and frightened for the future of their nation, conservatives began to challenge progressive liberals on social media in numbers large enough to cause a stir among their ranks. And many of them reacted poorly. Platforms that had long been safe spaces for liberal rants and conservative defamation were suddenly being challenged by patriotic Americans who showed up and said, 'I disagree, here's why, and here's the evidence'. The young, progressive ideologues who had populated social media en masse had never needed evidence to back up their opinions, nor encountered such opposition to their group think, and began to lash out at their new critics. Twitter battles flared, and for the first time, young progressive social media users were forced to examine their hardened ideals in the light of contradicting evidence. But many of them had taken very public, emphatic positions based on liberal policies and news reporting that they had taken as gospel. For many liberal ideologues, backing down from their stated positions was more injury than they could conceivably sustain, and instead would band together with their news media heroes to defend their proclaimed moral high ground at all costs.

Enter Donald Trump. No stranger to the media spot light, real estate developer and reality tv star Donald Trump was a natural at using news media to reach the American public. He saw the trends and recognized how to maximize his influence. He grew his Twitter audience with constant engagement and used even bad press coverage to get his message out. Much like Obama in 2008 and 2012, Trump used social media to achieve victory in the 2016 presidential election, this time by appealing to the millions of new, perhaps more conservative minded social media users, who felt alienated and bullied by the entrenched liberal social media mob. The liberal reaction was swift and often unruly. Think Women's March, Antifa, and Russia Collusion. Unable to manifest their desired reality through social media and news stories, the liberals resorted to real world activism in an all out effort to undo an election result that they could not fathom. They looked to their hero Obama and his collection of bureaucrats installed in the nation's intelligence community to dig for evidence that he had cheated the election. We know now, that multiple efforts (likely underhanded in nature) to sabotage his election were underway. The social media mob and their news media cohorts pushed relentlessly to add credibility to claims of Russian Collusion by the Trump campaign and worked 24/7 to drive incriminating headlines into the homes and minds of Americans. Biased, partisan investigations lead to a special counsel investigation that progressives hoped would finally get the goods and rid them of the surprise President that had popped their media bubble paradise. But this time, the social media push was from the right, and verifiable evidence of corruption and bias of investigators was plastered on social media for everyone to see. Conservative news media had finally landed a foothold on social media platforms and began to tell its side of the story to an American public eager to hear some truth.

Robert Mueller's special counsel investigation ended with no hard evidence that the Trump campaign colluded with Russians to cheat the 2016 election, delivering yet another heavy blow to liberal America, who had spent many years under Obama, assuming that their positions would always be supported by bureaucrats and news reports. Trump blamed 'the deep state' for the internal attempts to sabotage his presidency. He asked the DOJ inspector general to investigate the investigations that had targeted individuals from is campaign, and the IG report has confirmed, that many inside the FBI and DOJ were willing to bend or break the rules to obtain surveillance approvals on Trump campaign members. This provided conservatives with yet another huge victory over their liberal activist counterparts, who still can't believe what is happening. Many of the young progressives who had driven the political agenda through social media activity had never experienced a news cycle that they couldn't control with their activism. And many liberal politicians and deep staters who relied on the media mob for support and cover for their potential misdeeds had never considered what they would do if suddenly all the negative news stories actually got printed. Claims of political favoritism, liberal election rigging, and big money foreign policy peddling are now a daily occurrence, and both the politicians and the media mob are in a panic.

So that brings us to our current situation. The liberal's last stronghold of power in American government resides in Nancy Pelosi and the House of Representatives. They have engaged in partisan investigation after investigation, hoping to find something to re-ignite their liberal base, that would warrant the removal of Trump from office. Impeachment. Special counsel and IG investigations delivered reports that devastated the credibility of the liberal news media, along with politicians and intel personalities that still claim Trump is the one lying. Seemingly out of nowhere, a whistleblower report lands on the desk of discredited intel committee chair Adam Schiff, that President Trump has been bribing the Ukrainian government to interfere in the 2020 presidential election by investigating Joe Biden. Unable to stunt the flow of news and information the way they once had, media mob liberals are as aware as there rest of us, that the origins of said whistleblower complaint are highly questionable, and that there are credible allegations of Biden's mis-dealings in Ukraine. Indeed, congressional impeachment hearings produced a parade of witness testimonies that stated, one after another, they had heard from others, sometimes others who had heard from others, that the president had done something wrong. Literally no one was able to testify that they had been instructed to withhold foreign aid to Ukraine in exchange for an investigation of the Bidens. American news polls show Americans are tiring of the endless investigations of Trump and the push for impeachment. Once again, the liberal news media and the progressive social media ideologues had been unable to sway the news cycle in a decidedly favorable direction. But they pushed hard. So hard in fact, that Nancy Pelosi, Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler are moving forward with the impeachment of the president of the United States of America.

It appears that they will have the votes in the House to impeach the president. Democrat house members appear to be unaffected by the lack of hard evidence against Trump, or the mounting pile of evidence that this was a setup to oust Trump and protect a swamp of corruption from being exposed by impending DOJ criminal investigations. Instead, a Trump re-election is what they fear the most. Most Democrats in Washington see impeachment as their most destructive tool in the fight against Donald Trump. Impeachment is their destructive response to a power vacuum they never saw coming. Having become complacent with years of favorable media coverage, and friendly social media audiences, the liberals and Democrats let their corruptions run unchecked. They did not predict the storm that is Donald Trump, or the urgency with which the conservatives would take to social media to defend truth in news reporting and accountability in government. The Democrats have lost control of the narrative and they know it. They now see no other option but the Hail Mary impeachment of Donald Trump. Polls suggest it still won't prevent his re-election, but they are out of ideas, and out of time. Considerations that this impeachment on flimsy evidence will lead to many unfounded future impeachments are not in their calculation. This is purely desperation. I for one, hope that the news media, social media and the American public will punish the Democrats for decades over this irresponsible abuse of their constitutional authority.

#news #politics #trump #impeachment #social media

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studylikeyourehermione-blog · 5 years

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Self-confidence

Sit back a second and think of a person that spreads happiness and positivity. For me, that’s a classmate. She seems to be happy all the time and she is the kind of person who gives you a compliment in the most perfect moment or asks if everything is okay when you need it. I always thought that she was so inspiring because I immediately felt better after spending a few minutes with her, so I wondered how she did that. How she always spreads happiness. And to be honest, I don’t know how she does. I only know what helps me to feel more confident and to boost my happiness. So here are my tips for boosting your self-confidence, which btw don’t have a particular order. I just wrote them down in the order they came to my mind.

Stand straight up. You will immediately seem to be confident just by standing a bit different. This will change your appearance to others and also change how you feel about yourself.

Wear clothes that boost your confidence. If you have to wear the ugliest shirt of your wardrobe because all the others ones are dirty, you’ll probably worry about how you look all the day. And that’s distracting you from being confident. In the morning, choose clothes that you really like, that are comfy and you just feel stunning in. It’s gonna improve your day so much.

Compliment others. What you say about others reflects what you think about yourself. Complimenting others can really be a confidence boost because you probably brightened up their day and maybe, they’ll compliment you back. Of course you shouldn’t overact because then it could seem like your compliments are fake.

Speak up early in the discussion. For me, it’s always a problem to get into discussions in class because I don’t want to be the one who speaks first and then, when I’m finally ready to say something, the discussion is in full swing and I’m not confident enough to say my point. So for the next year of school my resolution is to be one of the first ones to speak in class. Maybe you could try the same so we can find out if it’s really helpful for us.

Stay hydrated. Really, staying hydrated is so important. I also find it quite hard to drink enough every single day. But your body will be so thankful. You’ll have more energy which can definitely boost your confidence.

Eat healthy. Eating healthy has quite the same effects as staying hydrated. Your body will have more energy. So try to cook with good and fresh ingredients and as a snack maybe prefer an apple or some grapes over a piece of chocolate. (I also don’t do this all the time. I really love chocolate. But if I do, I feel how much it helps me.)

Take time for yourself. Never forget caring for yourself. Focus on what’s important to you. Maybe a manicure will boost your confidence. Maybe reading a book or studying for half an hour will do the same. Try to find out what’s your thing to feel better.

Reduce screen time. Delete apps temporarily if necessary. Or use the app limit function of your phone. At the moment I’m trying to keep my screen time under 3 hours per day but during holidays that’s quite hard for me. I hope it will work better when school starts. Btw, especially avoiding social media can help your confidence because you won’t compare yourself to others that much. But sometimes social media can boost your confidence, if you follow people that inspire and motivate you.

Write down your goals. If you’re able to see your goals written down it’s probably easier to keep up with them. And reaching your goals is probably the biggest confidence boost ever.

So in general, for me it’s quite a mix of living healthy (or at least healthier) and ‘Fake it ‘till you make it.’ Let me know if one of you is up for a challenge!

#self-confidence #confidenceboost #confidence #tips #studyblr #study #hermione #hermionegranger #positivity #happiness

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phcking-detective · 5 years

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5. Bad Habits

Fic Title: First Blood

Rating: E

Length: 5/33 chapters, ~128k

Tags: Slow Burn, Idiots to Lovers, Trans Character (gavin), Autistic / Asexual / Non-binary Character (nines), BDSM, learning to use good etiquette and safe words, Dom Nines / Sub Gavin, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort

Chapter Tags: Gavin acts like a sleazy corrupt asshole to get another sleazy corrupt asshole to drop his guard, (it’s kind of hot), banter, so much banter in this one, Nines says Creepy Things, dumb idiots flirting without realizing they’re flirting, Nines saves pictures of Gavin’s dumb cute face when he laughs

Link on AO3

***

Senator McAshlynn Dernham [CEO: Synergy Paradigm] acquiesces to an interview with Detective Reed, but his heartbeat picks up to ninety-one BPM when Nines steps into his office as well.

Downtown view, fifty-second floor. Eight hundred and sixty-five square feet--nearly a hundred more than Reed's apartment. Minimalist furniture, a display of signed sports balls, and a jade paperweight shaped like a turtle valued at over four thousand dollars.

It would make an excellent bludgeoning tool.

"Detective Reed." Senator McAshlynn stands up from his desk and meets Reed halfway in the room. "Come in, have a seat."

They shake hands. Reed exerts an estimated fifty-six pounds of pressure on the handshake. Senator McAshlynn's grip strength does not exceed thirty pounds. He tries to hide a grimace, but the one facial expression Nines can reliably detect is pain.

"Sit down, sit down. What can I do for you, detective?"

Nines is not offered a greeting or a seat. It would hurt all zero of his feelings, except no talking and no physical contact is how he prefers to interact with humans. He stands behind Reed while the detective sprawls out in the offered chair.

"Just have a couple of financial questions for you, Mr. McAshlynn," Reed says.

"Oh no, McAshlynn isn't my last name," Senator McAshlynn replies. He grips the back of his chair with an estimated thirty-two pounds of strength. "Senator McAshlynn is my first name, both of them. My last name is Dernham."

"Right."

Detective Reed performed fairly extensive research on Senator Ashlynn Dernham (limited as he is by his lack of neural connection to the internet) before their arrival. Despite being fully aware of the not-senator's two first names situation, he lets the silence drag on for thirty-six seconds before clicking his tongue and continuing.

"I only need to confirm a few things about Mr. Russell's finances, and then we'll go."

Senator McAshlynn's BPM ticks up to ninety-four. "I'm not sure why that would interest you or be relevant to me. Russell personally made those investments with money given directly to him by his … investors. Although he did found this company, I can assure you, Synergy Paradigms remained completely uninvolved and unaware of--"

"Yeah, yeah." Detective Reed waves his hand. "Relax, I'm not here to bust your balls, and I don't care. I just gotta make sure Russell really did have plenty of motive to commit suicide."

"Is there something questionable about shooting himself in the head?" Senator McAshlynn asks.

Reed shrugs. He pulls out his phone and scrolls through a takeout ordering app. Nines can hear the other human begin to grind his teeth, and pinpoint the exact moment he begins inhaling in order to speak again. Even with his limited human senses, Detective Reed somehow senses this precise moment as well.

"Look, the media's making this into a big shitstorm out there, all right?" he says. "Didn't think I needed to tell you that. I just wanna make sure I'm covering my own ass, and I get that you want to do the same. No problem. Like I said, you answer some questions about <I>his</i> finances, and we leave."

Senator McAshlynn considers. "All right. I may be able to do that."

"Cool. Like I said, I'm not here to bust your balls." Reed's reflection in the wall-to-ceiling windows in front of him gives a smile even Nines can recognize as sleazy. "Guy's already dead. If you work with me here, I don't mind working with you."

Senator McAshlynn's BPM begins to fall, and he smiles back at Reed. "I'm always happy to assist the DPD, but. As you said, Russel is already dead. I'm not sure what's left for you to work with."

"Mmm." Reed puts his phone away and tilts back in the chair until the back of it rests against Nines' abdomen. "Well, my partner here has done some digging into Russell's finances. Did you know his bank account has been hemorrhaging money this last month?"

"I was not aware of that, no."

"Yep. And here's the really interesting part--he pinged the IP of some other android messing around in there."

That is so inaccurate Nines almost corrects him on sheer principle. He deactivates his voice box though, both to halt that immediate impulse and to prevent interrupting in a conversation that clearly won't involve him.

"Again, I'm not sure how that's relevant to this company," Senator McAshlynn says.

Reed shrugs. "Doesn't matter. You and I both know the media is going to drag Russell's name through the mud and into the spotlight for as long as they can milk it--and they're going to keep mentioning Synergy Paradigms while they do it. Makes for a better story."

"Well, I would certainly like to avoid that." Senator McAshlynn smiles at him again. The action barely involves his lips. "I don't suppose you know an especially talented PR agent?"

"I know large sums of missing money plus a mysterious android equals a damn good story," Reed replies. "So if there's anything you know about that, now's a good time to let me know."

"Is it?"

"I'm not looking to arrest anyone in a suicide. And if some unsavory shit comes up--you know, the kind that would stay on the ten'o'clock for the next month--maybe my partner here deletes some stuff. Maybe I let you know about it, so you get some closure on your dear friend's death."

Senator McAshlynn stays silent as he considers it. Detective Reed lets his chair drop back down to the floor with a loud thunk in the quiet room.

"But in another minute now, I'm gonna go interview that reporter who broke the story," he says with a smile that only serves to show his teeth. "So like I said. Right now is a good time to start working with me."

Senator McAshlynn takes a seat. "What can I do for you, detective?"

Nines saves the smile Reed gave to his most encrypted folder. It shares several points of similarity to his own facial expression categorized as [hostilesmile-murder]. He places the file next to the zoomed view of Gavin's nipples he attempted to delete two weeks earlier.

"Do you know where Russell's money disappeared to this last month?" Detective Reed asks.

Senator McAshlynn sighs. "No. If Russell got into escorts or red ice, I never saw any of it. And even if he did, there's no reason for his indiscretions to drag this company down with him."

"Sure," Reed says. "My partner and I are going to do some digging. See what we find."

"I don't suppose you could be persuaded to … take a holiday?" Senator McAshlynn asks.

Reed clicks his tongue. "Not how this works. And I might not know any PR agents, but I have heard it's better to get ahead of stories before they break. Know what shit stinks in your own house 'n all."

"I might like to know what the hell Russell was doing," Senator McAshlynn admits. "But maybe I'd like it better if no one knew. If we all just, dropped this whole matter?"

"Mmm."

Reed takes his phone back out and takes his time choosing from the menu of the Chinese restaurant closest to the precinct. Nines adds a side of fried vegetables and rice to his order of Chicken Kung Pao (spicy).

While Gavin works at increasing the CEO's stress levels, Nines continues syncing with the smart desk. As soon as Senator McAshlynn rested his hands on its surface, the handprint scanner activated and unlocked the interface, although it stays resting on the set screensaver of mahogany wood.

Nines doesn't alter anything or open any files. He doesn't need to. Senator McAshlynn's calendar, contacts, and social media feeds are set up to sync automatically with all of his devices.

It's simple enough to copy the handprint from the scanner and convince the "smart" desk that he himself is one of those devices.

"Oh, yeah. See." Reed says when Senator McAshlynn begins tapping his twelve hundred dollar pen. "The money? Yeah, maybe that's old news. It was all a Ponzi scheme anyway. But the android …"

Reed lets out a long sigh and tips his seat back again.

"What android?" Senator McAshlynn snaps.

"The one messing around in Russell's finances," Reed says. "Traces of it in his loft too. Can't just let that go."

Senator McAshlynn lays both hands on either side of his desk. Human body language is as chaotic and individual as every human, but this gesture clearly reflects a threatened animal attempting to look bigger than it really is. The motion also places his right hand closer to the portion of the desk's touch screen devoted to summoning security.

Nines tells that particular program to begin an update. The entire smart desk will now need to be restarted in order for the program to function.

"And why not?"

Reed reaches up and taps backwards against Nines' chest. "Say something creepy."

"Jade is porous."

"What are you talking about?" Senator McAshlynn asks, very firmly maintaining eye contact only with Reed.

"Your paperweight would make an excellent bludgeoning tool, but jade is porous," Nines says. "The blood would absorb and stain. Useful for a murder itself, but a liability afterward."

"God, you never disappoint," Reed says as the other human's face pales. "They gave him all this info and programming on solving crimes without ever stopping to think about what reverse engineering means. Takes a special kind of hand to manage him."

Nines deactivates his voice box once more. The problem with custom-building a social module is that he can only learn from his environment. The second problem is that the only human he regularly interacts with is Gavin Reed.

[dialogue options: AVAILABLE]

:Yeah, I bet your hand is real special to you.:

:I gave a special hand to your mom last night.:

:You can catch these special hands in the parking lot.:

"Are you threatening me?" Senator McAshlynn demands.

His finger presses down on the incognito security alert. A dialogue box pops up on the table informing him of the necessary restart, ruining the illusion of real wood.

Reed scoffs while he scrambles to close the notification. "I don't care about you enough to do that. It's only the android we're after. Any LM one hundreds, PJ five or six hundreds, or WB five hundreds you seen around Russel?"

"LM—a personal assistant?" Senator McAshlynn looks up from his desk. "No, Russell didn't have one of those. I don't even know what the other two are."

"University lecturer and financial accountant."

Senator McAshlynn huffs. "No. And for the last time detective, this isn't relevant to me or my company."

"All right." Detective Reed stands up. "Thanks for your time, Mr. McAshlynn."

"It's Dernham. Please leave or I will have my security team escort you out," Mr. McAshlynn informs them.

"Two GJ five hundreds and a refurbished GS two hundred." Nines nods his head toward the desk. "Is that paperweight for sale?"

"Get out!"

***

"God that was great. You really fucking asked him if it was for sale."

Gavin is still so pleased about getting kicking out of Synergy Paradigm, he lets Nines control his truck from the passenger's seat. Nines keeps the speed a steady five miles over the limit like his partner prefers and passes him a pack of the regular, non-marijuana cigarettes he smokes while on duty.

"Did you get a picture of his face?"

Nines sends the file to his cellphone. Gavin checks it immediately when it dings, then shoots him a wide smile. Nines saves a picture of that too before he's aware of making the decision to do so. He now has fifty-four pictures of Gavin saved for purposes other than building a databank of facial expressions. Anything more than three is a pattern.

A habit.

"Anything else?" the detective asks. "Wait, if you fucked with his table, don't tell me. Anything you got from that is inadmissible in court, and if there's any chance you might get caught, don't do that shit anymore."

"If there is any chance I might get caught," Nines repeats back to him. "Hypothetically, what if Senator McAshlyn's cell phone--"

He tries to put the right amount of emphasis in his voice to imply air quotes. It is difficult to preconstruct which syllables to stress and in what order. Gavin stares blankly at him. He tries raising his volume by ten percent.

"His cell phone."

Gavin suddenly huffs and rolls his eyes. "Jesus, yeah, OK. If his cell phone did …?"

"Connected to his smart desk and automatically synced to his calendar, contacts, and social media feeds."

"And anyone looking into the like, syncing history or whatever, would confirm his cell phone was the only device to connect to his smart desk about ten minutes ago?"

"Correct."

"OK, hypothetically speaking," Gavin says. "If there's no chance of getting caught--and keep in mind that would mean our whole case could get thrown out and lots of lawyers and Fowler screaming about privacy violations and IA jumping on the chance to fuck over their very first android …"

"Understood."

"If there's no chance of getting caught, that shit is still a slippery fucking slope and you shouldn't risk it."

Nines stares at the human's face, trying to determine if he is being that aspect of [sarcastic] that is not meanly saying the opposite of what he really thinks, but is still saying the opposite in order to [cover his own ass].

"Anyway." Gavin clears his throat. "On a totally unrelated note, do you have a hunch about anything?"

"A hunch."

"Yeah. Like, a gut feeling you can't really explain to me in--"

"Oh."

Gavin clears his throat again.

"I do not believe Senator McAshlynn Dernham was close friends with Maverick Russell," Nines says. "I do not believe the two planned to meet with each other within the last two weeks or the next fortnight."

"You fucking had to say fortnight. Pull over, I have a dance I want to show you."

Nines locks the passenger door. "My 'gut instinct' is that Senator McAshlynn has in fact been distancing himself from the victim for several months now and likely thought Russell was a bad investor, desperate to be liked, and only got lucky mooching off of his co-founders' talents and his father's inheritance when founding Synergy Paradigms."

"That's all your gut instinct, huh?"

"Social media accounts are public knowledge, and I have the processing power to review literally everything Senator McAshlynn has ever made publicly available online. He has not been discreet about his feelings. That is my assessment of them."

"You remember what I said about staying out of my life?" Gavin asks.

"Yes, detective." Nines does not sigh, because that would be redundant. "I am not to access your medical history or background information."

"Just keep that in mind."

"I am affixing a permanent post-it note to my field of vision right now."

"Fuck off. Is there anything else I need to know about?"

Nines considers. "Do you need the video and audio I recorded?"

Gavin actually does sigh, blowing out a cloud of smoke. "What the fuck did you record?"

"Technically speaking, I am always recording."

"This whole fucking conversation is justifying every bit of my goddamn paranoia about androids, you know that, right?"

"Humans may also acquire go-pros."

"So you admit that's what you are."

"Do you wish for me to upload the video and audio recording of our walk through the interior of Synergy Paradigms to your terminal or not, detective?"

"Yeah, sure." Gavin takes a long drag of his cigarette while he thinks. "I mean, I was right fucking there with you though. I saw everything you did."

"True," Nines admits. "You did see everything I did, but you do not possess the ability to review that video with perfect recall. My hearing is also significantly more advanced than yours, and I recorded audio from humans on the first and second floors, as well as the fifty-first, fifty-second, and fifty-third, within an approximate three to five office radius."

Gavin nearly lets the cigarette drop from his open mouth. "Holy shit. Uhhh, yeah, sure. Fuckers in a company like that gotta be gossiping about what happened. Maybe we'll pick something up."

The majority of the audio is, in fact, gossip. Nines has already processed and reviewed it of course, but he is also aware his lack of a social module and general understanding of humans must necessarily limit his ability to determine the relevance of what he's heard.

Personally, he would declare it all irrelevant. "Petty gossip" does not even begin to describe how asinine and crude the humans' dialogue is. It's all about who has been fucking whom, who is climbing the corporate ladder, and who is fucking whom in order to climb the corporate ladder.

The entire experience of walking through one [1] human corporation has justified every bit of his disgust for humans.

Still, Nines will transfer the files to the detective's workplace terminal via direct connection once they arrive back at the precinct. So far, there is nothing currently illegal about his advanced hearing and "privacy violations." And technically, anything in plain sight or said within hearing of an officer may be admitted in court as evidence.

It just so happens that Nines's sight and hearing have a bit wider scope than current laws predicted.

Gavin works on nursing his cigarette down to a nub for the next several minutes without speaking. When he taps the backs of his knuckles against his window, Nines rolls it down for him. They're moving slowly enough through the city traffic for him to ash his cigarette out the window. The cold air whipping through puts a red flush on his face as he smokes and blows it out the window.

"But seriously," the human continues after a few minutes of quiet driving. "If I ever get like that for real, knife me in the back of the neck. Straight through all of that good brain-spine stuff."

Nines runs several preconstructions. While monitoring other police officers isn't part of his mission, he was created to serve as a form of Internal Affairs. RK800s to track down the deviants and RK900s to monitor the eights.

(His [pride] pushes the idea that he is more akin to Military Police, but that is irrelevant to the preconstructions and possibly a deviant thought pattern.)

Still, Nines is aware a not-insignificant number of police officers commit errors ranging from abusing their authority to planting evidence to outright working alongside criminals for profit. Even Detective Reed has shown a propensity to skirt right along the edge of what is legal--or not technically illegal.

His assumed persona at Synergy Paradigms seems to have illustrated crossing the line however, so Nines categorizes those behaviors as [unacceptable] in his system and updates his own action-paths accordingly.

The preconstructions of killing or permanently disabling Detective Reed still fail.

But his partner is designated as his [human partner] within his system, and there may be dormant programming preventing Nines from causing serious harm to him.

"I will inform you that your behavior is no longer acceptable," Nines tells him. "If you continue after my warning, then I will neutralize you."

Gavin takes a long drag off his cigarette and gives him the facial equivalent of the :eyes: emoji. Not an apologetic look as Nines originally interpreted, but an expression known as "side-eyeing." His extensive collection of saved images focused on Gavin's face has given Nines a much higher rate of success at interpreting his partner's nonverbal signals than the average human.

"Didn't take you for the type to give warnings," Gavin finally says.

"Well." Nines practices shrugging. "It takes a special hand to manage me."

Gavin snorts out smoke. "Fuck. Did I really sound that stupid?"

[dialogue options: AVAILABLE]

"I estimate your hand is very special to you, detective."

That earns him another snort. Eighty-three chance of [amusement].

"I gave a special hand to your mother yesterday evening."

"Hope you didn't bother paying for that shit."

"You may receive these special hands at a Denny's parking lot of your choice."

That finally makes Gavin laugh, long and loud enough that he starts coughing. He flips Nines off around a wheeze, still grinning. Nines watches him keep smoking and adds to his collection of saved images.

It's a very bad habit.

***

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 / 21 / 22 / 23 / 24 / 25 / 26 / 27 / 28 / 29 / 30 / 31 / 32 / 33

I also have a Patreon for this fic, if you want to support me! $1 gets you access to chapters a week early, $2 gets bonus content and deleted scenes, and $3 gets short chapters from two AUs I’m writing: an A/B/O heatfic and reverse!AU

#reed900 #reed900 fic #gavin reed #dbh #dbh fic #ch 5 #my writing #writing #the ao3 fic is up to ch 10 but I'm slowly getting caught up posting them here too!

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kaitymccoy123 · 5 years

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I’m Back; A disclaimer

Hello friends!

Hopefully you all saw my last post! I know! I posted! WOW!

So very quickly before I go to bed, I just wanted to say that I wrote that piece as a sort of thank you and a welcome. I used that piece as a reflection of my emotions regarding tumblr, and thought it kind of turned into a leonardxreader fluff piece, the emotions still ring true.

One day in the middle of the summer I deleted all my social media (as in uninstalled the apps from my phone) so I could have a break. Though I have used them all since then (except for Twitter), I never reinstalled tumblr.

And then days turned into weeks, turned into months, and I was busy, and had no motivation to write. And then it turned into anxiety to actually get the app back, wondering if people would be wondering where I was or mad that I had just up and left.

But I finally got over that and installed the app and looked through my notifications, and no one was mad, no one said anything negative at all. SO thanks guys! And it is cool to see that I still had notifications, even though I wasn’t posting, almost every single day since I stopped being active.

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

Now for the disclaimer part:

This does not mean I am going to be starting to write a lot again, this does not mean I am going to be super active and crazy on here again.

What it does mean, is that I am going to try and see if it is something I want back in my life again. Writing brought me a lot of joy before, so I want to see if it still brings me joy. I will be writing things, slowly.

I have a SUPER busy LAST semester of my nursing undergrad coming up, but I got a super sucky placement that may be slow so maybe I will have some time to write!

Anyway, enough about me!

HOW HAVE YOU GUYS BEEN! GIVE ME AN UPDATE ON YOUR LIVES! SEND ME THINGS YOU WANT ME TO READ SO I MAY BE INSPIRED BY YOUR AWESOME WORK!

Love you lots,

Kaity <3 <3 <3

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teawiththegods · 6 years

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hi jessie! what tips do you have for someone that’s trying to rely less on their phone? i check it constantly everyday and i’m trying to stop by putting it other places before i go to bed and deleting social media apps but i end up redownloading them the day after anyway 😢 any help is appreciated, thanks! 💖💕💋

Hello, beautiful! Ohhh i am going through this as well so I can give you all the things that i’ve done to help limit my phone use!

First off I recommend making it clear the reasons WHY you want to rely less on your phone. Write it down and make it easily available to you so you can remind yourself when you need it

Also try to figure out why you are so reliant on your phone. What are you gaining from it that is making it hard for you to not pick it up? I find that knowing exactly what is causing this habit makes it easier to break it.

I enlisted a strict phone ban in my room when i go to bed bc i don’t want it to keep me awake at night and i don’t want it to be the first thing i go to in the morning. I got a regular alarm clock to wake me up and i keep my phone in my living room. You can also keep yours in a drawer in your room, basically anywhere you can’t easily grab it

I also began scheduling “no phone” times. I set a timer and during that time I am not allowed to look at my phone and instead do some kind of pleasurable activity in its place. I started out small like 15 mins and then gradually increased the time. You can also create a reward schedule for yourself if that helps keep you motivated and accountable!

With that said its also good to create a list of “Pleasurable Activities” that you can do that don’t require your phone.

A lot of this is also about being honest with yourself and holding yourself accountable. If i notice i have been on my phone for awhile or I picked it up after just putting it down I will say to myself out loud “Jessie NO!” And then remind myself that i don’t want to spend my entire day on my phone. This is when its good to have your written reasons why you want to break the habit handy

I also highly recommend this video by my favorite Youtuber witch and spiritual counselor!

I hope all of that can offer some help to you, my gorgeous friend! Let me know if you need any help and also keep my updated on your progress!

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clublogo470 · 3 years

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Facebook Dating Review Reddit

Facebook’s dating app, which was announced at the corporation’s F8 Conference in May, 2018, has just rolled out to all of the U.S.For those who are currently swimming around in the dating pool.

Tinder, the largest dating app on the market right now, has about 5 million users. “In theory, given that so many people use Facebook, they could harness that population in an advantageous way. ThaiCupid website is one of the best examples of online social media and networking platforms worldwide to find the Siamese quickly. The website is easy to use and free for everyone to find other users and chat with them endlessly. However, you would need a little time to find a perfect match in the sea of profiles.

I used to find it frustrating when people blamed dating apps for how bad dating is.

Facebook’s NPE Team is testing an app called Sparked that’ll put people into a video speed dating event. The app hasn’t launched in any app stores yet but is available through the web. BookofMatches is a trustworthy internet dating website that has been working since 2002. For more than 15 years, this service makes its clients amazingly glad and fulfilled. There is something for everybody here, beginning from individuals with straight sexual direction to gays, lesbians, and transsexuals.

“What’s the alternative?” I would ask when a friend complained about the chore of swiping and starting a conversation. “Standing in a bar for six hours a night?” But I said this more often when I was in a relationship that had started on Tinder, and I say it much less often now that I’ve spent eight months back in the world of grainy boat-trip photos and “looking for the Pam to my Jim.”

People who have never used Tinder often frame it as an abundance of choice, when in reality, the experience of swiping through those hundreds of thousands of options has the effect of making every option look exactly the same. You can accrue two dozen matches named Matt in the time it takes to finish one glass of wine and throw the glass at the wall. Tinder doesn’t make it feel easy to go, as they say, “on to the next!” Tinder makes it feel like the next will be just like the last, which will be just like every other one, forever. The plentitude of fish in the proverbial sea is actually an apt metaphor, because what kind of lunatic could actually specify an individual fish they’d be interested in catching? They’re all fish.

Enter Facebook Dating, which seems to be differentiating itself at least partly on sheer numbers: Three-quarters of Americans are on Facebook. Tinder, the largest dating app on the market right now, has about 5 million users.

“In theory, given that so many people use Facebook, they could harness that population in an advantageous way,” says Kevin Lewis, a sociologist at UC San Diego who has studied both Facebook and online dating. “Will everyone sign up for it? If everyone did, this would be by far the biggest dating site there ever was.” Great, an even bigger sea.

Facebook’s motivations to get into the dating game are somewhat obvious. Analysts expect dating apps to be a $12 billion business by the end of next year. Advertising, premium accounts, and other paid features on Tinder bring in the lion’s share of revenue for its parent company, Match Group, which just reported a $498 million quarter and also owns Hinge, Plenty of Fish, Match.com, OkCupid, and dozens of smaller dating-related businesses. It’s understandable why Facebook would want a piece of that market, especially because teens and Millennials are abandoning the social network in droves.

To use Facebook Dating—and this is billed explicitly as one of the benefits—you don’t need to download another dating app. You enroll within the Facebook app, which I assume is still installed on your phone. Just kidding: Though a sizable majority of all Americans under 65 still have Facebook accounts, 44 percent of users ages 18 to 29 deleted the app from their phones in 2018. (Just imagine an army of horny 20-somethings scrubbing their furious #DeleteFacebook tweets in service of their love life.) Facebook Dating is free and doesn’t include any advertising, and the company says it never will. But it does pull users back into Facebook’s ecosystem, creating a new and very compelling reason for people—especially young people—to use an app they may have deserted.

And, of course, it could be that Facebook picked this moment to get into dating because everyone else already is. Even if thousands of Tinder bios still read, cloyingly, “Let’s lie about where we met,” conversational laziness often leads people to gesture at a stigma that isn’t really there, or express discomfort with things that they’re actually fine with—such as dating apps, and such as downloading another dating app after they’ve become jaded with the first dating app, their continued ability to return to the App Store serving as a tiny sign that their heart is still beating and they’re still looking for it.

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The irrepressibly genteel New York Times weddings section regularlyname-checksTinder. The presidential hopeful Pete Buttigieg met his husband on Hinge. The latest Pew Research Center data, from 2016, showed that 22 percent of Americans ages 25 to 34, and 27 percent of Americans ages 18 to 24, had dated online. Eighty percent of the people who had done so said it was a good way to meet someone, and 46 percent of college graduates said they could personally name someone for whom online dating had resulted in a marriage or long-term partnership. Those numbers were all drastically higher than they had been when Pew looked into the matter just three years earlier. It’s probably safe to assume that they’re even higher now. Online dating has become sufficiently mainstream to be part of the most mainstream website of all time.

If you ask Facebook, the company is getting into dating because its leaders think they can actually improve it. A recent study conducted by Edelman and commissioned by Facebook showed that 40 percent of people who currently use dating apps aren’t happy with the experience, Facebook Dating’s product manager, Charmaine Hung, told me.

“We hope that those people will give Facebook Dating a try,” she says. “We’re also hoping that people who have never tried dating apps before will try Facebook Dating because of the safety features we put in, as well as really activating your community and the interests you share with people.”

To celebrate the surprise launch of Facebook Dating in the U.S. (after a year of testing in smaller markets), Facebook invited a bunch of tech journalists and a few dozen influencers to a breakfast meeting at a hip all-cement venue more or less on the edge of the Hudson River in Manhattan. The subject of the event was kept mostly a secret until attendees were escorted to the basement, where a product manager, Nathan Sharp, gave a quick introduction to the app. He got in a quick dig at the competition by explaining that Facebook doesn’t believe in keeping “the best features behind a paywall,” and that its version of dating doesn’t involve any swiping—a reference to the baseball-card dating paradigm popularized by Tinder starting in 2012.

The message was clear: For Facebook, facilitating love is not a joke; it’s a public service.

The next point was even clearer: Facebook is aware that people are already using its products to hook up. Its executives have heard the phrase slide into the DMs. We did not get an opportunity to hear a Facebook spokesperson say this phrase aloud, but Sharp did invite the Modern Family star Sarah Hyland and the former Bachelorette contestant Wells Adams to come onstage and explain how they met: through the direct-messaging feature on Instagram.

Hyland and Adams, who are engaged, gave a 45-minute presentation explaining how one should go about inviting another person to get tacos, how to say “I love you,” how to propose marriage. (You might argue that this presentation was wildly hostile toward single people, who are having trouble finding someone to ask to get tacos—not because they are confused about how to use Facebook’s suite of networking products, but because most people just aren’t that fun to hang out with—and who, even if they aren’t exercising the muscles at this exact moment, do in fact know how to express their thoughts and feelings. Or you may not be as sensitive as I am.) When Adams and Hyland were finished talking about their perfect lives, curtains all around the room dropped to the floor, and it was revealed that the presentation area was surrounded by a ring of brand activations: a pen of puppies wearing Facebook Dating bandannas, a pop-up coffee shop serving romantic desserts, a florist giving out elaborate bouquets.

On display in the basement’s gallery section were works of art inspired by love and Facebook and famous dorm posters. Rodin’s Thinker was hunched over, pondering his options—“heart” or “X”—against a magenta backdrop. Michelangelo’s Creation of Adam was remixed in purple and pink, the pointer fingers of God himself and the first man reaching toward a Facebook Dating icon. I have to admit, this is the shit I live for. Did it tell me anything new about why Facebook is suddenly interested in operating a dating app? Not exactly, but it did tell me what Facebook thinks about daters as a cohort: that we want to live in a romantic comedy, and that we are easily charmed.

Visually, Facebook Dating is similar to Hinge, which, in its initial version, suggested matches exclusively from users’ mutual Facebook friends. (Hinge also takes a hard stance against swiping and has long advertised itself as “the relationship app,” in opposition to Tinder’s notorious hookup culture. It was acquired by Tinder’s parent company earlier this year.) Functionally, the app is also similar to Hinge—you scroll through profiles, send a like, send a message. You can see people who have already liked you—a feature that is also available on Hinge. (On Tinder, something similar requires a monthly subscription fee, which I have paid many times.) It’s not exactly groundbreaking.

“Facebook has a history of this,” Brendan Griffiths, an assistant professor of interaction design at the New School, told me, citing Instagram’s rip-off of Snapchat’s signature Stories feature in 2016. “It’s clear that they aped features (from Hinge and Tinder) pretty directly. I would say that’s where the vast majority of their inspirations come from.” (Facebook did not respond to a request for comment on these similarities.)

Griffiths does not care for Dating’s purple color scheme and calls it “pretty infantilizing.” Overall, “it doesn’t feel like they were going for anything specific other than to capture a market that they understand to be potentially valuable.”

“The purple color is awful,” echoes Barbara deWilde, executive creative director of products and design at The New York Times. “But Facebook is not known for its stunning visual design.”

Facebook Dating’s one innovative feature is called Secret Crush, and it’s what it sounds like. If you have a secret crush on any of your Facebook friends or Instagram followers, you can add them to a list of secret crushes and wait to see if they add you to theirs. The Edelman survey that Facebook commissioned found that 53 percent of online daters have a crush on someone they already know, but they’re afraid to admit it (sure), to which I say, lucky them? Having a crush is an amazing feeling, and life without a crush is an extremely boring trudge toward deadened nerves and spinal erosion.

Though the profile you set up in Facebook Dating is independent of your main Facebook profile (a smart choice, given that the Facebook profiles of most of the people I know consist of dozens of photo albums from 2009 with titles such as “seniorrrrsss” and “myrtle beach <3”), Dating is still able to suggest matches based on the information you’ve provided the main app. These could, for example, be people who belong to the same Facebook groups you do, or have attended the same events. The enterprising Facebook dater could even stage a meet-cute! Hook up sites for seniors. It would be pretty easy. You could pretend the internet wasn’t involved at all. It’s just a wingman, pointing you to the right bookstore in the right sweater, or a seltzer enthusiasts’ meet-up in the park, during the golden hour.

This is genuinely exciting for anyone overwhelmed by the randomness of other dating apps. As my colleague Ashley Fetters wrote recently, Facebook Dating is explicitly designed “to inject some of the more human aspects back into online dating through features that mimic the ways in which people used to meet-cute before the Tinder age.” Meet-cutes, though they sometimes involve flopping down in the middle of the street or walking around with a balloon stuck to your butt, do not feel as existentially degrading as sifting through thousands of photos of men with four friends and two facial expressions, followed by dozens of identical conversations about how it’s a shame that summer is over. The more time you spend on Tinder, the lower the bar gets for perceived compatibility—has listened to a song I’ve heard, works at a restaurant I’ve walked past, went to the beach one time, sure. You start looking—no more, no less—for evidence that the person exists at all.

“Everyone’s always asking, ‘Is this person real, and who is this person really?’” Hung tells me, repeating a line that was used at the press event. “In Facebook Dating, we have a lot of really unique features so you can feel confident that this person is a real person. It can help give a more authentic view of a person. We want to help you find love through what you like.” This is Facebook’s “really great superpower,” she says.

Obviously, I signed up for Facebook Dating as soon as I got home from the official launch, downloading the Facebook app onto my phone for the first time ever.

For the first week, there was literally nobody there to match with. (Understandable.) In the second, the list was short and strange, populated mainly by people named “Meme,” or “C, like the letter of the alphabet. People call me Philip.” The default geographic range was 200 miles, so many of my initial suggested matches lived in Pennsylvania or deep New Jersey, hours away from my home in New York. I was excited to open the list of suggested matches sourced specifically from events I’ve attended, thinking it not at all unreasonable to expect that at least one cutie had gone to see my friend’s band a few weeks before, or had been at the early-summer book launch at which I got so emotional, I slid off my chair (would have been a good meet-cute!). But all the suggestions were people who attended the 2017 Women’s March—half of Brooklyn?—or an apple festival in my college town three years ago, or a free Grace Potter concert in 2015.

Most of the Facebook groups I belong to are useless for dating purposes: a high-school friend’s bridal party, a space for mall food-court coffee-shop employees to trade shifts. An alumni group, my God. This is not Facebook’s fault; this is my fault. Good Facebook Dating users will first be good Facebook users—as in active Facebook users, diligently logging each time they go someplace where eligible people might be lurking, scrolling through their phone, too. If that doesn’t work, an ambitious dater could start joining more groups. It’s a better idea for how to meet people who actually move in the same real-world spaces you do, but it requires regularly documenting your real-world movements and interests on Facebook.

Relatedly, the easiest way to populate your profile is by filling it with your Instagram photos. Later this year, Facebook Dating users will be able to cross-post their Instagram Stories to their dating profiles. When I asked Hung whether part of the goal of Facebook Dating was to bring young people over from Instagram to the flagship app, she said, “We’re always looking for opportunities where we can see where people like to share. Do people like to share on Facebook? Do people like to share on Instagram? And we want to meet people where they’re already sharing. We’re really excited that we’re bringing Instagram into that.”

I don’t know what that means on a sentence level, but I think probably it’s a yes, generally.

If you’re already good at sharing, and posting, and RSVP-ing, and projecting an authentic self that’s appealing to others online, Facebook Dating might feel, as intended, like a “superpower.” But I am a bad Facebook user, and so I am a bad Facebook dater. At the end of my two-week trial, I had eight matches and two messages: One was “Hey kaitlyn,” and the other was “Sup I’m only here for hookups and memes,” with a laugh-crying emoji. The notifications showed up in my main notifications tab, next to the information that I’d been tagged in photos from my cousin’s wedding.

Even so, Facebook Dating will likely help lots of people find love, for free. Hung repeats that Facebook has no plans to monetize Dating, ever, in any way—no fees, no ads. She even seems annoyed with me for asking. “Yup, there’s no advertising in Facebook Dating, and nothing you do will be shared to advertisers,” she says. “Nothing you do on Facebook Dating will be shared to advertisers.”

The cost of an actually good, useful, dignified dating app is more activity, more engagement, more personal information. When Facebook spokespeople talk about entwining Instagram Stories and Facebook Dating, they speak energetically of how it will make profiles more “authentic”—a word that has been bled of all meaning not by Tinder, but by Instagram itself over the course of the past eight years.

Facebook Dating Review Reddit 2020

Never mind the fact that Facebook is currently the subject of an antitrust investigation; here’s another market it can enter and immediately claim a competitive edge in simply by slamming down the trump card of an unparalleled network graph. Forget that Facebook doesn’t need dating revenue, and won’t collect any; it still thinks of its users as dopey enough not to look for another motive.

Facebook Dating Review Reddit Free

“Facebook knows so much about us, not just how we self-describe,” Kevin Lewis says, trying to riddle out whether its dating experiment will succeed. Facebook has a more intimate understanding of its users than Tinder ever will. But more than 60 percent of Americans don’t trust Facebook with their personal information anymore, if they ever really did. “Facebook is a little late with this. There’s a lot of distrust these days around Facebook,” he says, going back and forth on it. “I could see this leading to a resurgence in Facebook activity and working out quite well; I could see this totally tanking. I think it’ll be one or the other.”

I don’t know—it already worked on me.

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chloegrayportfolio · 3 years

Text

Module One - Creating Meaningful Relationships

Week 3 Peer Interaction Task 1 & 2

Task 1: Turn to the instant inventory on page 67 of the textbook “A Teacher’s Guide to Cognitive Type Theory & Learning Style” and determine your own type preferences.

I thought the Instant Insight Inventory was super fun and interesting to do. I was really looking forward to seeing if I would receive the same personality type I was given when I took the Myers-Briggs 16Personalities test—and I did! I would describe myself as someone who is quiet, sensitive, kind, and prefers to be alone. I focus on and remember lots of detail—even the smallest of things. Another thing I enjoy doing is getting away from reality either by daydreaming in my own head or consuming media (books, music, movies) revolving around lives I wish I could live. The results I received told me that my personality type is INFP—meaning I lean towards introversion, intuition, feeling, and perceiving. The INFP is imaginative, idealistic, reflective, independent, creative, stubborn, and easily hurt. My results did not surprise me at all (as I had predicted them and have received the same results every time I have done a personality test in the past), nor do I have much disagreement with any aspect of my results. The only part of the INFP description I feel as though I really do not fit is creativity. I have never really enjoyed creating art (in any form—stories, poetry, paintings, etc) as much as I enjoy consuming art. I appreciate creativity, I just don’t think of myself as a creator. Other than that, I really related to my results—especially the points about being imaginative as well as easily hurt.

Task 2: First, as a group decide who will be in the introvert group and who will be the extroverts. Then please do the following tasks:

As a teacher, what strategies would work for you to get the best energy you can?

With others of your type in your group, discuss what it feels like to be around a lot of folks who are “opposite” to you. (That is extroverts should say what it feels to like to be around a lot of introverts when you are the only extrovert. Introverts should say what it feels to like to be around a lot of extroverts when you are the only introvert.)

Introverts: make a list of how it feels and post it to the group. “Opposite types” in the group please read the list.

Extroverts: make a list of how it feels and post it to the group. “Opposite types” in the group please read the list.

Refer to your textbook to see how others have done this exercise

Come up with a list of how your type behaves in a classroom. “Opposite types” in the group please read the list.

If you have any questions to ask of your opposite type post them now.

As an introverted teacher, the strategies that would work for me to get the best energy I can would be from within, as introverts have a more internal focus of energy. A strategy I think I would use for this is having allocated in-class silent journaling time, for students to share their reflections of the school-day or school-week with me. Not only would this be a way for the students to internally reflect, benefitting themselves, but it would also help me as an educator to get a deeper understanding of my students’ needs as well as what works for them and what doesn’t. When I’m around a lot of extroverts as the lone introvert, I sometimes feel anxious because I’m worried they will take my silence as me being rude or judgmental—like I don’t want to be there (when that definitely isn’t the case). I can also feel quite awkward and uncomfortable as I usually end up doing things that are out of my comfort zone when I am with extroverts (simply following what they’re doing). I can also feel nervous as extroverts are the type to speak their honest truth rather than tread lightly around the subject, which can be a little stressful for an introvert—especially as an INFP, the personality type prone to sensitivity. However, at the same time I can even feel excited because of the new environments and new experiences I am pushed into.

In a classroom, my type behaves as

Cautious

Considerate

Quiet

Thoughtful

Respectful

Private

My question to any of the extroverts: Do you have any tips you would give to inspire the more introverted, quiet kids to participate openly in classroom discussions?

Week 2 Progress Log:

When do you feel…

Safe:

I feel safe when I can stand up and stretch in the morning without my health issues acting up and feeling pain in my chest or seeing stars in my eyes.

The actions I take to make sure I am feeling safe include keeping a glass of orange juice alongside my bottle of water on my nightstand, making sure I have antacids on me at all times, and keeping in close contact with my family doctor as we sort through the variety of blood-related issues I struggle with.

Some other actions I could take to help me feel safe would include being more consistent with taking my iron supplement pills for my anemia, purchasing a wireless blood pressure monitor, and eating a more nutrient-rich, consistent, filling diet.

Loved:

I feel loved when I can talk to someone about anything, such as my likes and dislikes, fears, and opinions, without worry that they will judge, belittle, or speak over me.

The actions I take to make sure I am feeling loved include talking to those near and dear to me often, even if all we really have is virtual communication at the moment.

A further action I could take, and need to take, is to cut off those who I even worry will judge, belittle, or speak over me. I cannot and will not truly feel loved if I am surrounding myself with people who make me feel bad about myself.

Powerful:

I feel powerful when I have had a good, long sleep and I feel well-rested, energetic, and eager to face the day.

The actions I take to make sure I am feeling powerful include reading before bed, taking melatonin supplements, and using a sleep tracker app.

An action I know I need to take to feel powerful in this sense is avoid all technology before heading to bed. My inconsistency with this makes it hard to become a habit, but

Free:

I feel free when I can take time to myself and temporarily tune out the real world by going on long, fast bike rides alone.

The biggest action I have taken to make sure I am able to feel free is bettering my time-management skills. Now that I spend less time procrastinating the schoolwork I need to get done and instead work on it as soon as it is due, I am able to have more free time to myself to actually do what I want to do, creating a nice school-life balance. Another action I could take in order to feel more free (or least in order to be able to do this more often, as I live in Vancouver) would be to invest in water-proof, weather-proof biking gear that will protect both myself and my bike for my own safety.

Pleasured:

I feel pleasured when I eat a good meal, especially when it is a meal I have cooked myself. The actions I take to make sure I feel pleasured include grocery shopping, looking up fun recipes online, and motivating myself to get in the kitchen by following cooking and food blogs onlines.Some other actions I could take to feel this pleasure would be making cooking a fun hobby to do with others, such my family or boyfriend, as well as meal-planning and deleting food-ordering apps, such as Skip The Dishes or UberEats off my phone.

Summary:

Although my answers themselves felt pretty typical to me and did not provide me with any shock or surprise, thinking about the further actions I could take did. While I definitely make a strong effort to make sure I am able to feel those adjectives mentioned above, I’ve realized that the reason I have yet to take those further actions must be out of self-sabotage. The further actions I mentioned were not hard, tedious tasks. They are simple acts of self-care that must be done. Writing this progress log has led me to realize I have been putting off extremely important things, such as taking important health supplements, cutting off people who make me feel bad about myself, and taking further biking safety precautions, as well as reflect on why I have been putting these things off.

Assignment 1: Students With Special Needs

The needs I have chosen to focus on for this assignment are the special needs of the Gifted students of the classroom. The reason why I chose the needs of Gifted students is because I have seen firsthand the neglect and mistreatment they [can] receive from their teachers and classmates due to their differences, as well as how this neglect and mistreatment affects their academic performance, behaviour, development of social skills, and overall well being. The specific needs I will be looking at are their Emotional needs, with a focus on their Social needs as a Gifted student. In “Knowing Your Students and their Special Needs” by Weinstein & Romano, they discuss struggles Gifted students face in the classroom, such as social alienation from peers and a lack of connection and engagement with material (Weinstein, C.S., & Romano, M., Knowing Your Students and their Special Needs, 2015), as well as how these struggles impact things in these students’ day-to-day lives, such as their ability to socialize, interact, and engage with others, their actions, behaviour, and behavioural development, and their level of success in school.

The first article I have chosen is titled “A Case for Affective Education: Addressing the Social and Emotional Needs of Gifted Students” by Stephanie Ferguson. This article discusses the unique treatment Gifted students receive from their teachers and peers, and how this treatment can lead to things such as social isolation. The main points of this article are:

How being Gifted can lead to exclusion and alienation as well as the effects this exclusion and alienation can have on students.

The importance of developing a flexible, special curriculum and routine, leading to a more balanced school life for each student involved.

The second article I have chosen is titled “Putting the Well-Being of All Students (Including Gifted Students) First” by Tracy L. Cross. This article discusses the crucial role teachers play in the performance of Gifted students as well as examines the toxic side effects incessant praise and expectations from an educator has on a Gifted student. The main points of this article are:

In order to truly improve the schooling experience of students, the school board itself and teachers must have each and every student’s best interests in mind when planning school activities—even Gifted students. How teachers’ perception of Gifted students can lead to frustrating, strained, disconnected teacher-student relationships.

The third article I have chosen is titled “Social Emotional Needs: Social and Emotional Development of Gifted Students: A Psychosocial Bill or Rights for Students (Including Those with Gifts and Talents)” by Tracy L. Cross. This article discusses the importance of treating every student with equal respect as well as the rights each student has—no matter their academic capabilities. The main points of this article are:

Every student has the right to receive praise for their academic abilities without receiving excessive and uncalled for pressure or guilt.

Every student has the right to access to a challenging, rigorous curriculum and well-trained educators who are able to properly teach it.

Every student has the right to attend an institution they feel safe and welcome in—mentally, emotionally, physically, intellectually, and socially.

The main ideas and points in these articles go hand-in-hand with one another as well as with “Knowing your Students and their Special Needs” by Weinstein & Romano. The main ideas these articles have in common with one another are that Gifted students are often left behind by their teachers and their schools (thus being left behind by their peers, as well) and regarded as not needing any extra help or support due to their academic advancement. These factors lead to issues such as behavioural issues (classroom disruptions), social issues (unable to effectively or confidently communicate), and self-esteem issues (perfectionism, placing unhealthy amounts of pressure on self). Teachers need to do better and hold themselves more responsible and accountable regarding the level and quality of education Gifted students are receiving as well as the treatment these students receive from their classmates and staff.

The Letter to my Future Self:

Dear Chloe,

As a teacher, I hope you always remember the importance of getting to know your students and each of their special needs. No two students are the same, and what works for one may not work for another. I know that this career will get stressful, but if you start to follow and always remember to follow these rules from your first day of teaching, it will make your life and job not only much easier, but much more rewarding, as well.

Three things I WILL do regarding the Gifted students with Special Needs in my future classroom:

I will pay close attention to how they interact with the work they are given. I will make sure they remain intellectually stimulated and engaged, even if they are levels above other students in the class. I will achieve this through the creation of professional, open, trusting relationships with my students through personal, miniature check-ins to update me on how the student is doing and feeling both emotionally and academically.

I will create a social, safe class environment with students that are able to interact and work with those who are even most unlike them. I will create a classroom environment where students feel comfortable around each other regardless of their reading, writing, and arithmetic skills. There will be no levels of hierarchy in my classroom in any way, shape, or form. I will achieve this through the teaching of respect, kindness, and openness.

I will always make sure to leave an element of open-endedness in each assignment, project, and/or essay I assign. I will give my students this option of freedom and variety as to give them the opportunity to intellectually stimulate themselves in ways I may not have considered as a way to keep them interested and engaged with the material, especially if it is material they are advanced in comparison to or ahead of.

Three things I WILL NOT do regarding the Gifted students with Special Needs in my future classroom:

I will not single them out to discuss their work in front of the class without permission. I will not use them as an example to hold over their classmates heads.

I will not isolate or alienate Gifted students by giving them completely different work, allowing them to work with only each other, or sending them to another room or area of the classroom to do their work away from peers.

I will not place extra stress and/or work on them. I will not let them know of higher expectations or levels of disappointment unless I feel it is beneficial and crucial to their schoolwork.

Here is what I hope would be a poem from the perspective of a Gifted student with Special Needs in my future classroom:

everyday I walk into class

wanting to joyfully skip by the desks I pass

I wonder to myself, “Today what will we do?”

but who’s to say, with Ms. Gray it’s always something new

I feel excited,cheerful, comfortable, too

as I approach my seat, my friends exclaim “We were all waiting for you!

”the teacher asks a question I immediately knew

she calls on me and I say “The answer is two!”I used to fear raising my hand

now I’m no longer afraid to take that stand

my peers pat me on the back and give me praise

and suddenly I know I have reached better days.

References

"A Case for Affective Education: Addressing the Social and Emotional Needs of Gifted Students in the Classroom « SENG.“ SENG. N.p., n.d. Web. 20 June 2015. Cross, Tracy L. (2015). Social Emotional Needs. Gifted Child Today Magazine, 38(2), 128–129. https://doi.org/10.1177/1076217515569278

Cross, T. L. (2002). Putting the Well-Being of All Students (Including Gifted Students) First. Gifted Child Today, 25(4), 14–17. https://doi.org/10.4219/gct-2002-84

“Knowing your Students and their Special Needs.” Weinstein, C.S., & Romano, M. (2015).

Reflection: I included the Peer Interaction Tasks of Week 3 in this portfolio because they reflect me coming out of my comfort zone. I tend to struggle with forming meaningful relationships and connecting with others on a deeper level, so these Tasks definitely pushed me to be more open. I also included these Tasks in my Portfolio as I believe they have taught me ways to connect with my future students, especially those who may be unable to communicate their needs otherwise. I can definitely see myself using Type indicator quizzes with my future classes in order to get a better understanding of their needs and goals as learners. These tasks also gave me a better understanding of extroverts both as teachers and as students, allowing me to explore a variety of learning and teaching styles I hadn’t considered before due to my introversion. I included the Week 2 Progress Log because it shows a moment of weakness early on in the course—it reflects the struggles I had with deep reflection as well as being able to articulate my needs. I was unable to effectively describe how the feelings and actions discussed were linked to my needs. Though it wasn’t my best piece of work, I believe it is important to include as it was a learning moment for me regarding my understanding of what it means to truly, deeply reflect and connect. I included Assignment 1: Students with Special Needs because it provided me with a deeper understanding of the variety of needs students have in the classroom, especially of those I had not considered prior to doing this assignment. For this assignment, the students with Special Needs I chose were Gifted Students—the reason for this being that prior to this course, I had never even considered Gifted Students as having “special needs” in the classroom. This assignment really opened my eyes on how narrow-minded my idea of Special Needs really was. I thought this assignment was really interesting because it forced us, the prospective teachers, to focus on an aspect of learning and the classroom that for too long the education system has swept under the rug. Overall, I chose the assignments I did for two main reasons. I believe they really helped me overcome the anxieties that originally rendered me unable to open up to others and effectively practice deep self-reflection. These assignments also opened me up to different perspectives I was unable to see otherwise—the perspectives of Extroverts; the perspectives of Special Needs students. As an educator, it will be my job to form meaningful relationships with all students—not solely the students who share learning or type characteristics with myself, and I cannot expect to be able to do so if I have a static idea of what students are like, and what students need. I had big learning moments regarding my understanding of what it means to get to know students as well as the realities of this career. Something that stood out to me is how many different ways there are to get to know and understand your students. One way to get to know your students that has really stuck with me is the use of writing narratives in the classroom, which allows you to get to know your students (and vice-versa), with more depth and understanding. After the completion of this Module, I feel much more informed, but I also know that I have much more to learn. Sometimes, I forget the intricacies of this career and what the job really entails, but this Module has made me excited and eager to learn much more in my coming years. I have also been introduced to the raw, real aspects of teaching, such as the inability to interfere with a students life—there will be students that are going through hardships in their lives that I have no control over, and I must accept I am not a psychologist or a Judge. It is a bit disheartening to think of that somewhat powerless aspect of the career, especially as I am very in tune with feelings and empathy, but I know these feelings will just inspire me to be even better at what I am doing and what I do have control over. Understanding and coming to terms with this was a huge learning moment for me. Though I have experienced some change in this aspect, something I am still in the process of learning and developing is the way I approach work. I tend to rely on my own narratives and ideas because that is what feels most comfortable to me. In fact, I used to feel fear and anxiety when I knew I would be completing an assignment on an experience or topic I was not familiar with. However, my experience completing the Students with Special Needs assignment really helped me understand the significance of doing so. This significance has motivated me to work harder, as I consider doing work like this inspiring, decentering myself and truly thinking about others, which I believe has made me less ignorant and oblivious in my work. The area where I saw the most growth was in stepping out my comfort zones. Throughout my entire academic career, I have really disliked personal writing, as I have always felt uncomfortable and awkward in talking about myself. Prior to this course, I did not notice this, but this disliking for personal writing took a toll on my ability to reflect. My inability to deeply reflect and link my feelings to my needs was evident in my Week 2 Progress Log. I definitely believe I have improved since throughout the course, with evidence being shown in my Progress Logs of Week 9 and 10. To aid with this process, I wrote journal-entries about my feelings and day-to-day life to get more more comfortable with the idea of reflection and sharing. Overall, this Module helped me immensely regarding my ability to reflect, communicate with others, and articulate my feelings and needs. I walk away from this Module reflecting on what I have learned about the power of Narrative, Choice & Type Theory, and what I now know about Introverted/Extroverted students, intuitive/sensing students, and students with Special Needs—as well as how to make the classroom a safe, accepting place of learning that will work for everyone.

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sleepabovethemoon · 3 years

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It's not so much I'm looking for a "safe space" on the internet, because I realize that it doesn't exist. I do, however, want a place where I can post without thinking that people I know are going to see it and have something to say to me, whether it good, or bad. Tumblr kind of feels safe for that, but then I hesitate, too.

What's been heavily on my mind lately is work, and I just want a place to voice these out without rebuttals, so here goes.

The month of March I essentially had no days off. We can say the last Sunday of the month was a day off, but I still logged on, attempted to work and found out one of my systems wasn't available and I couldn't work. I actually cried, because now I was going to lose a total of 16 hours of overtime for the weekend because I could only work a half an hour on Saturday for other system-related reasons. In total in March, I worked over 300 hours. I had 3 80+ hour weeks, and the 4th would have been 80, if not for the weekend. This is technically by choice. Overtime is not mandatory. But I cannot afford my bills without the overtime, for example the 60 hour paycheck only covered my rent. I will have to wait another week to cover my electric. This week, our first week of April: also a 60 hour week.

It's at this point in sharing my work struggles, I get anxious with myself. I'm literally sharing this to no one, so there's no need for me to be scared that someone is going to have something bad to say. I don't know why I have this inner dialogue with myself, it's like I become all the negativity I assume other people will have. In writing this, I've already considered deleting it and I keep reminding myself to just be grateful for the job I have. And I am, but I'm still allowed feelings.

I should also point out that I am a temporary contractor at my job. I have been contracted through another company since July of 2019. This contract was tentatively 6 months, with a chance for permanent. However, behind the scenes, I really had a one year contract, as I found out on my own. I had a contract end date listed with my other information from the staffing agency's app (not any information I was really given, just logged into the company's portal) and so I wondered what would happen when July hit. Of course, then COVID happened, we went remote. I still wondered about July. It went unspoken about, and I checked my app again and found that I had been quietly updated to 12/31/20. This came and passed and instead of updating, it showed that my contract had ended. It then updated a few days later to a November date - past Thanksgiving. At this point, I took it up on myself to reach out to my on-site supervisor, playing dumb about it and he could only say it was convoluted due to COVID, but if he had a say in it, I'd never go anywhere. Perhaps I should feel grateful about this, but now we are looking at a 2 and half year contract, with no guarantee to be hired on (I could be let go at any time, at-will state and I'm just temporary. There is no incentive to keep me) and I have not had PTO or any single benefit that comes with a full time job. This time would also not count - if they hire me on, there is no seniority / years of service. So forgive me, if I feel that my time is being wasted. On top of that, I believed I was getting valuable experience in the insurance industry - every job I've applied to has turned me down. I have a bachelor's degree in Criminology and Criminal Justice, I got it about 6 months before this current job. So I've never worked in it because I could not find anything in my field, therefore I took a staffing position that has now extended well past temporary, and the experience is not useful to me in the industry I got the degree in, nor in the industry I'm currently working in.

It's all felt like an absolute waste. On top of everything, my mental health has suffered so much. I feel like I am giving my job 200% and maybe I'm just being a baby about it, but there is no praise. I don't know how to keep motivating myself. When I am praised, it's mostly to the team. Thank you to everyone who helped with overtime - who is everyone? I was alone. Occasionally I hear, "I'm always so appreciative of all of your OT" but it's in passing. It's not that I need recognition or anything like that, but I don't know why it's so hard to acknowledge exactly how much I'm working. There is nobody else on the team even competing with me. There is nobody trying for 80 hours like me. And I am not doing it to be "the best", I need the money, but it feels exhausting when you never get the credit and everyone else does.

And my supervisor still makes me feel uncomfortable every single day. But it's not worth reporting again, because last year, I got a weak apology that was mostly about how sorry he was that I felt that way, and how he didn't realize adding me on social media (not the main issue) was inappropriate. He also wanted me to give him the opportunity to show me he can be a better leader... I mean...

It wasn't like all he did was add me on Snapchat and look at my story - it was coming in on purpose at 6 am knowing I was the only one working at the time and instead of just saying Good Morning like he does to others, I would get "Good Morning Sunshine". It was telling me he had a dream about us. It was the overuse of emojis, him asking me things like "didn't stay up all night playing video games, young lady? 😉" it was so unbelievably uncomfortable and it all led up to him adding me on Snapchat, which is when I finally said something to another person on my team, and she informed me he has a reputation for this. I felt awful, thinking that every day I blamed myself and didn't want to tell anyone for fear I would look crazy and he was just being nice / friendly. Eventually, I reported it to his supervisor and I got the half-assed email reply. And I still am grateful they did that, rather than saying oh my god she's a problem, just get rid of her, she's temporary anyway. But he's still just naturally uncomfortable, the other day he said "hey trouble" and I just want to know, is he messaging the men on our team like this? Does he use excessive emojis with them too?

I hate all of this because I love my job so, so much. I just want to be treated like a real employee. But I'm stuck, because that's not happening, and I cannot for the life of me find another job that is not worse or pays less. Plus, I am currently car-less and I have too much anxiety to leave the house. The safest thing for me right now is this job, but because of it, I don't sleep. I forget to eat until my day is already over (and I'm working 6am-8pm most days). I've also been tasked with training someone who transferred over to our team, because the person who would have is refusing tasks outside of processing for essentially the same reason, she is a permanent employee but with the same role as me, but she has supervisory responsibilities they won't pay her for, and she began refusing when they refused to promote and tried to push it to a mid year review. I've never trained anyone before and naturally I have a person who is so incompetent.... I just don't understand how someone can be going to school for something like artificial intelligence, automation, etc and have absolutely no computer skills? I am exhausted.

I just want something to get better.

#vent #long post

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