#just got to talk about morality and murder it was great

[loveandmurders]

You belong to Ambrose I (poly!Sinclairs x f!reader)

Hey everyone, I'm happy to finally post the first part of this imagine.

I really hope you'll enjoy it <3

Warnings: no proof reading, a few strong words, angst, dangerous!Lester, mentions of violence, blood and murders, morally grey reader.

“Hey, mom, what do you think Ambrose looks like now?” you heard yourself asking your mother without even meaning to.

The woman sent you a quick glance before her attention went back on the food she was preparing on the kitchen table.

“Why?” she sternly asked back and you tried to shrug it off, no matter how embarrassed you were starting to feel about the whole conversation you just brought up.

“Don’t know. I’m just planning a road trip with friends and we’ll go close back to where Ambrose is…was. I noticed it wasn’t even marked on maps anymore” you explained and your mother hummed

“Then you got your answer. Ambrose must be gone.” she said “Like the brothers you used to love so much” she replied and sent you another look, as you glanced down at your lap, in shame.

You should have known better than to talk about Ambrose to your mother. The woman had always wanted to pretend it had been a terrible nightmare.

“Mom…” you whispered

“I’ve never understood why you were so fond of them. Your dad either. They were a terrible influence on you. I’m happy you decided to burn the bridges with them and that you never went back to Ambrose. There was nothing for you there. And those people were troublesome and violent and… freaks. You deserved way better than them.” she continued and you resisted the urge to take their defence. They weren’t freaks, they were… a great part of your life and now a great hole inside your chest. “What was their name again?” your mother asked.

“Sinclairs” you instantly replied before biting your tongue

“Ah yes. Well, I’m glad you didn’t become one” she continued and you frowned at that.

“What do you mean, mom?” you wondered with a tilt of your head

“The eldest one, when he came back to Ambrose after his mother died and that he was sent away for a few months, and before his dad died that same day, he looked for you. He knocked at our door. Thank God you were away with your dad then. I told him to go away and he assured me that he would never go away from you, and that you would become his wife one day too.”

“His… wife” you whispered, your heart aching.

Bo was indeed often speaking about marrying you and sharing you with his brothers, but you always thought there were only words; the Sinclairs never really planned out their future. Bo was too obsessed with cars and getting free from his family to care about anything else. Vincent was too focused on his art. Lester was just a lost kid wandering into the woods late at night. You hadn’t thought they were actually seeing you as their future. You always appeased Bo, you always brought Vincent back to reality, you always helped Lester feel like he was part of something.

“To be honest” your mom resumed and your attention went back on her “with the amount of time you were spending with him and his brothers, I was really worried you would agree on doing something that stupid. And even though you left Ambrose heartbroken and sobbing, I’m happy something happened between you, him and his twin, that day. I don’t know what it is, but I knew it convinced you to leave.” she continued and you didn’t answer. The memory of that day was still burning you to the core.

You had been so happy so see Bo and later on, Vincent. You had run into their arms and they had hugged you with fierce love. You were all planning on getting Lester back too. 

And then, Bo killed his dad and Vincent told you he was going to continue the House of Wax, the way his mother always did. You knew about the murders, you knew people were beneath the wax, but you never said anything because you loved the boys. And despite how an awful mother Trudy was, she liked you. You were a girl, and she could finally chat around with what looked like a daughter to her. Victor was also a little more careful around you. You were loved by the Sinclairs, and they couldn’t explain it; it just happened.

But their love was dark and violent, and you couldn’t agree to live like that; you couldn’t stay in Ambrose when everything was dying around and you couldn’t live from murders. You promised yourself to never betray your boys, but at the same time, you left with your parents without a goodbye. You knew that if you decided to go see the twins one last time, they would convince you to stay and it couldn’t happen. You never recovered from the fact you didn’t see Lester again before leaving and you hoped Bo had been able to bring him back home. You were certain he did though, because his people were the only thing that mattered to him.

You were about to leave the kitchen when your mother called your name and you turned around, with a raised eyebrow, silently asking her what she wanted.

“Do me a favour and stay away from Ambrose during your little road trip, okay?” she said with a hint of concern in her voice

“You said yourself that there is nothing there anymore anyways” you replied, a little bit surprised by your mother’s attitude

“I know but… I don’t want you to tempt the devil” she replied and you only found yourself nodding. 

You wondered if by the devil she meant Bo.

Bo knelt in front of a woman he just killed. She was the last one of the group and he was glad about it because he felt quite tired now. It was too hot today to play hide and seek with assholes. At least, the night was already casting its shadows around Ambrose and bringing with it a little bit of fresh air. Bo looked down at the woman, tilting his head to the side as he watched the pretty necklace she had around her neck. It was slightly covered in blood but he was pretty sure he could wash it without trouble. It looked expensive; he was certain the glitter coming from beneath the blood was a little diamond. He took it off her body without a care and pocketed it before Vincent could use this jewel on his next wax statue.

“Y/N would’ve liked it” Bo hummed to himself before sadly sighting. His throat tightened as always when he was saying your name out loud.

Whenever he was spotting something that reminded him of you, he was always grabbing it and putting it away, in a box filled with gifts for you. He never stopped hoping that one day he would be able to give you this box. You would realise how much you were loved then; but so far it only happened in his dreams. And yet, he was thinking about you everyday of his life and he still believed you would come back home one day. He was certain you were meant to be a Sinclair; even his parents were liking you so it had to mean something. He missed you so much, he missed your laugh and he missed the way you loved his brothers and himself. Ambrose was empty without you. Life had always been shit, but your absence was torture. He had thought that after a few years, the pain would subside, but it really didn’t. It often felt like it was actually growing up inside his chest. You left with a piece of themselves, you left with the only sun and happiness the boys truly felt. He knew his brothers were feeling the same, because everytime they were all eating together at night, the conversation always ended on what you became. And on why you never came back.

They could guess you were disapproving of the killing, but they couldn’t stand the idea that maybe you got scared of them. They couldn’t even say it out loud; you were the only thing they would never have hurt.

Bo sighted again as he grabbed the woman by her ankles and he started to pull her to the house. Vincent came upstairs when he heard a body being dragged on the floor and he helped his twin out. Vincent could tell by the look in Bo’s eyes that he was thinking about you. It was the only moment Bo was utterly silent too, lost in thoughts.

Vincent couldn’t blame him. He had hundreds of books filled with drawings of you. Whenever he thought that he would never hear your voice again, never feel your touch on his skin anymore, Vincent was drawing you. He was certain you existed that way, and he was certain he would never forget about what you looked like, even if he knew your figure and face were carved inside his chest and brain. You used to caress the bad side of his face and to remind him he was handsome, even in front of Trudy or Victor. You had never been afraid to show yourself with “the freak”. And his skin felt so dry and painful now your fingers hadn’t traced it in years.

The twins worked in utter silence and none of them felt hungry that night, so they went to bed earlier than usual. None of them slept actually, simply staring at the ceiling or at the wall, wondering where you were and if you were happy… without them. They wanted you to be happy as much as they wanted you to be miserable without them, because it was their only chance you would one day come back home.

Lester wasn’t better than the twins. And if Bo fucked with some girls, Lester just couldn’t even think about touching someone else than you. It felt wrong to him. He promised you he was yours and only yours after all. He had always enjoyed how a little bit possessive you were with the three of them. Lester wasn’t certain of a lot of things, but he knew he belonged to you. You had always loved them equally, giving them the love they were all craving so much.

You were always in Lester’s mind. He was always hoping to find you among a group of tourists, to be fair. He never stopped looking for you and hoping to see you again. You belonged to them too, so he couldn’t understand how you could live away from them. And he knew that if he ever found you again, he wouldn’t hesitate to lock you up somewhere if it meant keeping you by his side. Forever. 

And he was certain that the twins were thinking the same. They lost you once, they wouldn’t allow it to happen again.

But for that… he needed to find you first. 

And every morning and every night, he promised himself he would. Out of the three, he was the one who was the most certain he could get you back home, no matter if you wanted it or not. You were his little goddess, so he was certain that at some point you would come close to Ambrose again… and he would stumble upon you… and he would get you home. You would become the divinity of Ambrose once again, and everything would be alright.

One day, luck seemed to be on his side.

The closer you drove to Ambrose, the more you recognised the roads. Your mother’s words never stopped echoing inside your head and at some point, you turned the wheel so you wouldn't get too close to the place. A part of you wanted to drive right back to it; you even felt a little pang when you took the opposite path. You wanted to be back home more than anything, but you were too afraid of what would await you there. You even believed that the twins would be so mad at you, they would kill you and turn you into a wax statue so you couldn’t leave anymore without saying goodbye.

You found a little campsite and you all decided to spend the evening and night there. You forced yourself to focus on your people so you could forget about the Sinclairs. Another part of you was begging you to leave this place and to drive as far as possible away from Ambrose. You had no idea which parts of you were stronger.

You realised you didn’t have enough food for tonight so you and another girl took the car to find a shop nearby. It was late so a lot of them were close and you had to admit, you shivered in fear when your friend showed you the only store open 24/7 in the area. It was very close to Ambrose; little did you know that it was actually the town Lester was living in. You tried to not show anything as you drove to the store. You crossed your fingers to not run into any of the Sinclairs before you thought how stupid this was. The boys wouldn’t be there, and they might even be dead because of their way of life. And you were a lucky girl, something like that couldn’t happen to you.

Even if something inside of you was bubbling in excitement and hope.

As you entered the store, a man was leaving it. He moved to the side to let you come in and as you were about to thank him, your eyes met his and widened.

Lester.

You tried to move past him, hoping he wouldn’t have recognised you or that he would hate you enough to let you go easily. But you were a fool. He instantly grabbed your wrist as he whispered your name, bringing you back to him. He was in trance. He couldn’t believe the day finally came. Your friend frowned, wondering what was going on. She placed an arm around your shoulder to show you support

“Can you let go of her, buddy?” she calmly said and Lester instantly obeyed, not wanting to cause a scene. He put his hands in front of him in defence.

“Sorry. Hi, Y/N, ‘s been a long time” he hummed, looking for your eyes.

“Hi, Les. Sorry, but we’re a bit in a hurry here, we’ll chat another time, hmm?” you said, hoping to get out of this discussion as fast as possible. Goosebumps littered his skin at the sound of your voice calling him by his nickname.

You were surprised when Lester simply smiled and nodded. You noticed his grin didn’t reach his eyes though and you suppressed a shiver. You knew you were in trouble, especially with him letting you go so easily. Even more when he cheerfully said as you turned your back to him “See you soon, darl”

Lester settled in his truck and waited for you and your friend to get out of the store. He dialled his big brother’s number with a light in his eyes. It was the first time in so long he felt like he was finally alive. He was certain things were finally going to be good.

“‘S up, Les?” Bo hummed at the other side of the line, always answering his phone very fast whenever his brothers needed him

“She’s here.” Lester simply said because he was too happy and excited to say anything else.

“What are ya talkin’ ‘bout, kid?” Bo asked, not wanting to get some false hope.

“Y/N. She’s at the store. She’s with a friend. Gonna follow them, I’ll send ya their location… And we’ll bring her home tonight”

It was a promise.

And a threat.

--

Taglist : @lacychick ; @magical-sass ; @limehaspassed ; @loveinglymessedup ; @bloodmoon-bites ; @iwantsleepplz ; @kawaistrawberry21

--

PART II

#bo sinclair x reader #bo sinclair x s/o #bo sinclair x you #bo sinclair x y/n #vincent sinclair x s/o #vincent sinclair x y/n #vincent sinclair x you #vincent sinclair x reader #lester sinclair x s/o #lester sinclair x reader #lester sinclair x you #lester sinclair x y/n #poly!sinclairs x you #poly!sinclairs x s/o #poly!sinclairs x reader #slasher x you #slasher x s/o #slasher x reader #poly!slashers x reader #poly!slasher x s/o

[tizeline]

I’ve never seen a separated au with Leo being raised by big mama, what do you think that would be like? (Since he’s kinda rebellious)

For the record, there are AUs where Leo's been raised by Big Mama, the ones I know of are Gemini AU by tangledinink and True Colors AU by v-albion. I'm not super familiar with either of them, but they're there if you wanna check them out.

That being said-

LEO being raised by BIG MAMA omg I have THOUGHTS

Listen, I don't see enough people compare Leo to Big Mama, but he's quite similar to her. Splinter and BM never got a kid together, BUT IF THEY DID that kid would literally be Leo he's basically just a fusion of the two of them!!

As I've mentioned several times before because I love bringing it up, Leo is strategic, quick-witted, observant and good at talking. In the show (as well as in my own AU) Leo's strengths aren't really recognized, let alone aknowledged for a big portion of the story. Because of that, for a long time he doesn't really get the chance to develop these skills, as much potential Leo has to become a master planner his impulsiveness and inexperience has a tendency to get him into trouble.

BUT! All of these skills also happen to be skills that Big Mama has and would value in Leo. So if he were to actually have to opportunity to not only be raised by BM but also trained by her for his entire life. If he got to properly learn strategy, planning, manipulation...?

... Holy shit Leo would be terrifying.

Think about it, canon!Leo managed to out-smart BM in Many Unhappy Returns without any real experience, just imagine what he could do with a whole life-time of training.... yikes!

Not sure what exactly Big Mama and Leo's relationship would look like. In my opinion she would view him as her son and love him dearly, especially if she knew that he's Splinter's biological son.... it's just that BM has interesting ways of showing affection. ("The love of my life just proposed to me?? Great! I'm gonna lock him up in my gladiator fighting ring for the rest of eternity!") She'd at the very least be quite controlling, I imagine.

As you pointed out, Leo can be quite rebellious, so that mixed with Big Mama's obsessive need to be in complete control of everyone around her would certainly cause some tension. Actually... considering how clever Leo would be in this AU... uh oh.

All of these qualities that BM initially appreciated and encouraged in Leo, what if, as Leo became more and more capable, Big Mama started to eventually view them in a more negative light? If she feels like she's loosing control over Leo, if she interprets Leo's rebellion as not just a normal teenage need for independence but rather him malicously working against her. What if she starts viewing him not as an asset or as a tool, but rather a threat?

If BM has reason to believe that Leo might try to overthrow her and take control over her criminal empire, she might take preemptive action and get rid of him before he has the chance to get rid of her.... Not like murder-get-rid-of, I don't think she'd just kill him, lol! But like lock him up, maybe throw him into the Battle Nexus, I dunno. Anything that would allow her to remain in control of both him and her business.

As for Leo, maybe he would actually try to overthrow BM. Considering he was raised by a literal mafia boss, his moral compass is gonna be a bit wack. Maybe Leo's desire for control over himself would cause him to try to seize control over his mother's business. Oooooorrrrr maybe Leo just wants some independance but doesn't actually want to compete with BM, so when she interprets his actions and behavior as malicious he's not prepared for that at all and, as a result, is more than a little hurt that his own mother would take such extreme actions against him. Who knows?

Hhhhhhh there's a lot of fun posibilities here but MAN I'm not really in the mood to work on an entirely new AU. Maybe I'll create some art for it I dunno, this concept is really fun, but I'm not gonna turn this into a proper Thing, so if anyone else wanna steal this concept and explore it for themselves, feel more than free to do that!

#tizel talk #tmnt #rottmnt #rottmnt au #rottmnt separation au #rottmnt leo #rottmnt big mama

[suki-daydreams]

You're Glowing

IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED S2 THE HIDDEN INVENTORY ARC OF JUJUTSU KAISEN LEAVE RIGHT NOW !!

summary : a year after the failed mission with involving riko amanai, yu haibara died on a mission, and geto left gojo to pursue his dream of killing all non sorcerers. you along with gojo, nanami, utahime, and shoko try your best to cope with everything that's going on. gojo wants comfort, but he also wants to be alone. so, he should go be lonely with you.

tw : mentions of geto losing weight, mentions of the world 'kill', a gun is used in this

info : past arc gojo x reader, reader is a sorcerer, angst, comfort, fluff, gojo satoru x reader, teen gojo x reader, lonely gojo, reader ily, reader same age as gojo, soft gojo, cuddling, reader is also best friends with gojo, suguru, and shoko. reader is an ex assassin. angst to fluff

this is not a geto x reader! or gojo x reader x geto they are best friends - this is only a gojo x reader thank u <3

suki's notes : inspired by the song This Side of Paradise by Coyote Theory (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ ... i've been writing SO MUCH baker reader x gojo. needed to twist it up

this is really fucking loooong because of the buildup my bad y'all

enjoy ~

___

You are the only person Gojo would allow himself to become vulnerable with.

___

Nanami passed out exhausted on a hospital bed. Overwhelmed Shoko sitting on a chair. Utahime resting her head on a desk. Yaga rummaging through papers to file. And Gojo... is no where to be seen.

You are a 3rd year.

You had been trained to be an assassin since you were 6. Your whole life you had been killing people for those who are too weak or too much of a coward to do it, and you'd get paid A LOT.

But, you became a jujutsu sorcerer because you didn't want to be a murderer anymore. So, you started fresh as a first year at jujutsu high when you turned 15 to come to clean living and so you could protect non sorcerers. Hoping it would be enough for all the lives you've took.

You had thought, oh I got trained at a young age. I'm probably more experienced, I got this. Your first year went great, you made friends and many memories. Everything was going great! Until your second year and third year came around.

You were quick on your feet and silent too. There are very few people who are faster than you. You had heard of Toji, known as the sorcerer killer and many other names, he was one of the best assassins. And, he was one of the rare people who could sneak past you.

When Riko got assassinated, you were there with Geto.

Gojo told you to leave with Amanai immediately while he handled Toji. You trusted Satoru, but he was sleep deprived, exhausted from keeping his technique on for days and nights.

"He has a heavenly restriction!" You yelled to Satoru before leaving with Geto and Amanai. You escorted her until you and Geto were forbidden to walk any further. When she finally realized she wanted to live for herself. She was shot in the head. You registered what happened in less than a second.

You turned around to take action and leaped towards Toji, but he was fast. Too fast. The assassin had already come up behind you and hit you straight in the nape. Knocking you unconscious.

And when you woke up, everything was already over. You weren't quick enough. If you didn't let your guard down. Amanai would still be alive.

When Yu died, you were one of the firsts to find out- besides Shoko of course.

But, when Geto massacred the village, you were the first to find out.

It crushed you.

Because you were the first and only person Geto talked to about his change in morals.

~

"Y/n.." his voice was soft. You and him were grabbing a snack in the cafeteria after somehow managing to run into each other at the dorms past midnight.

"Yea?" You replied, grabbing a bag of chips.

"What do you think about.. non sorcerers?" He asked, you hummed.

"Well.." you said, "I don't know.. it's complicated."

"How so?"

"First of all, I don't blame them for not having cursed energy, that's just simply how you're born. It's genetics, passed down from generations. It's out of their control. But, when I was an assassin I just saw them as weak, they paid me to do the things they can't or because they're too much of a coward to do it, sounds pretty worthless- know what I mean?" you said, "but, sometimes as a sorcerer, I feel under appreciated? I don't know how to say it.."

You looked at him, "we save the world, we save non sorcerers, and they don't even know. They live everyday like usual while we place our lives on the line to defeat a curse.. to make sure a curse doesn't kill another innocent person. At least when I was an assassin, I was paid as a reward, but non sorcerers-"

"Curses comes from them." He said, you tilted your head.

"What?"

"Curses come from negative emotions, emotions from non sorcerers-"

"I would say they come from all humans, including sorcerers, not just non sorcerers, Suguru," you replied, he looked away mumbling a quiet 'whatever'. You reached up and put a hand on his shoulder making him flinch at your touch.

"Suguru, why are you asking me this?" You asked, he sighed and crouched down making you step back from his sudden change in position.

"I think.. I'm starting to hate them.. y/n," he whispered.

"What?"

"I said I think-"

"I heard you!!" You whispered yelled, "Suguru, you were the one who said that non sorcerers need protection, and we, the sorcerers, are here to protect them!"

"I know, I know..." he said, "but, that's changed."

You crouched down and looked at his features. He lost weight, he hasn't been eating, and hasn't been sleeping either. You were worried, something was bothering him. Something changed him. So, when he said that he hates non sorcerers, you knew that was the thing that was eating him up.

"After Riko's death and now Yu's... seeing how they died for non sorcerers because they're weak and can't do anything for themselves-"

"Suguru, they can't see curses, they don't have cursed energy, they can't do anything-"

"Listen to me y/n," he said putting a hand on your shoulder, "if non sorcerers didn't exist. There would be less curses."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm trying to say.." then he stopped. What he wanted to say was, "I'm trying to say that I want to kill all non sorcerers."

But he couldn't bring himself to say it, not with you.

He cleared his throat, "I'm trying to say that, I still haven't recovered from their deaths. Riko and Yu dying for non sorcerers- and they don't even know. This enrages me. They don't know the sacrifices we make just to make sure they live another day."

"Oh, Suguru.." you said and hugged him making his eye's widened at your sudden action, "I'm sorry. Losing people is hard, but it makes you stronger, it makes you more of a fighter!" You said, pulling away with a big grin.

"You never let me finish my answer, so I'll just say it right now," you said, he nodded, "though, I do feel underappreciated.. at times... What keeps me going is seeing kids smile while playing with their friends at a playground. Families gathering around dinner tables to be together. Friends laughing with each other at the mall!" You said, then your eyes softened at him.

"Seeing them happy, seeing them smile is the reward, knowing that they live another day because I have strong friends who protect them, I am there to protect them as well. And in return, I get to live to see another day with my friends. The people I cherish the most," you said.

He stayed silent, his eye's stared into yours, you saw nothing. No change in expression, no change in his eyes, no change... in his heart..

"You know, I was planning on quitting this year," you said.

"Really?" He asked, you nodded.

"I was planning on quitting being a jujutsu sorcerer. I couldn't take it anymore. I was going to go to a normal school, get a normal job, live a normal life, but Satoru killing all the curses by himself? I couldn't bring myself to leave," you said, "he would be more busy and overwhelmed."

"That's why?"

"Yes! But, I also look forward to seeing everyone again after a mission. You and Gojo, keep me going, even when you guys aren't with me... know what I mean?" You asked, he nodded. "Plus, I swore to become a sorcerer because I've taken so many lives, and I feel like protecting innocent is the only way I can make up for it. Y'know?" You asked.

"You must really like Gojo if you stayed to be a sorcerer so he didn't bear the burden by himself."

You blushed, "... not just Gojo.. You, and Nanami, and Utahime."

He chuckled, "yeah, sure." He smiled but you didn't miss how it dropped quickly.

"Are you.. okay?" You asked, he cleared his throat then stood up making you follow his movements.

"Yes, thank you.. Y/n. For keeping me company," he said, "you promise not to tell anyone what I told you?" You smiled.

"I promise! If you need to talk to anyone, I'm always here for you. I always will be," you said cheerfully. He gave you a small smile before waving goodbye. You both parted in the opposite directions to return to your room.

___

A couple days later, while you were just about to enter the gates of jujutsu high after returning from a mission, Yaga called you in an immediate hurry.

"Hello?-"

"Y/n- you need to see me as quick as possible... it's.... it's about Suguru," he said, you ran. You ran past the gates, past the forest, the hallways, to get to Yaga's office. You were scared.. did Suguru.. die? What happened? What did he do? Where is he?

You burst into his office to see Yaga pinching the bridge of his nose. He said nothing, but dropped down a file on his desk. You walked over and picked it up.

Your jaw dropped, your heart sank as tears brimmed your eyes.

"S-...Suguru.. did... this?"

"Yes."

Geto Suguru's residuals were traced all over a massacred village of 112 people. 112 people, including his parents. From this, we can conclude that Geto Suguru is the one that annihilated the village. Geto Suguru is expelled from Jujutsu High. He is to be killed on site or captured and executed at Jujutsu High.

"No, no, no, no, no," you said, your hands trembled and you dropped the file. Your hands immediately went to your hair and you yanked on the strands, "this isn't real. This.. isn't Suguru-"

"I'm afraid it is," Yaga said then sighed, "I don't know why he did this either."

Then it all hit you.

You knew.

You knew, but you were too dumb to see.

He told you.

You didn't see.

You didn't know.. at least.. then you didn't know.

"It's all my fault," you whispered. Yaga placed a hand on your shoulder.

"You-"

"Did you tell.. Satoru?" You asked cutting him off. He sighed and looked away. "Did you tell, Satoru?" You repeated firmly.

"No. Not yet. You're the first one who knows about this."

"Suguru.. why? Why?" You repeated and crouched down. The lump in your throat burned as you tried to blink your tears away.

No no no no no no no. This isn't happening. This isn't real. Wake up.

"I will tell him when he returns from his mission," Yaga said, "go get cleaned up. Go rest. Again, you're the first person I've told about this."

You didn't say anything. You just walked out.

This... is all my fault.

___

And, that's how you got here. Nanami passed out on a hospital bed in the corner of the room with a hot rag on his forehead. Shoko dozing off on a chair. Utahime sleeping at a desk. Yaga sitting at a table with stacks of papers while typing away on his laptop. You were on a sofa, staring at the ground.

Yaga informed you that he told Satoru about what Geto did. He also told you that Shoko had run into Geto in the city and she called Gojo. Gojo rushed to the city as quickly as possible to confront Geto. With that Geto bid goodbye. Gojo was supposed to kill Geto. But he couldn't.

He summoned all of you to the room you're in right now, you were just waiting for Gojo.

You couldn't bare to see Satoru. After all, you could've saved Suguru. You could've saved Satoru's best friend. You could've avoided all of this, if you never left Geto's side, to make sure he didn't feel alone, to make sure his ideals stayed the same.

You tried thinking of something else, so that your tears would just go away, but they wouldn't.

You killed the best friend of the man you loved.

The door slid opened and you stared at your feet. It was Satoru. You felt his gaze on you, but you didn't bother to look at him. You couldn't.

Yaga cleared his throat and stood up, waking Nanami, Utahime, and Shoko up from their slumber, "you all.. are aware what happened to Suguru and what he has done."

Everyone nodded.

"What do you guys think of this?" Yaga asked.

"Well, I think it was dumb how he wanted to become a cursed user," Shoko spoke up, you applauded her in your mind for being the first to talk.

"I don't know.. how I feel about this," Utahime said.

"If anyone has something bothering them talk to each other," Yaga said, your heart sank. "You only have each other, that's all you really need," he said, you tried to swallow the lump in your throat.

You hated crying in front of people. You hated being vulnerable. You were trained to bury it deep down or hide it from others.

"I don't know why Geto did this.. I don't know why he changed. But, if anyone of you have something that's bothering you, speak up right now."

"Why are you asking us this?" Nanami asked.

Yaga clenched his fist, "I don't want to lose anymore students. I don't want any of you to turn out like Suguru." He said, "so, if there's anything, tell me, or tell someone else, I don't care. Just don't.."

He sighed, slumping back in his chair.

Everyone's souls were crushed.

"I'll let you know when we have classes. Dismissed," Yaga said, everyone got up.

You pushed yourself off the couch, but your knees felt weak.

This is all my fault..

Then suddenly, all the tears you had been holding back... all the frustration you hid...

..had poured out.

You immediately fell to your knees. Everyone gasped as you collapsed. You were quick enough to catch yourself by planting your hands onto the floor.

Gojo's eyes widened.

"Y/n!!" Utahime yelled rushing over to you. You cried and wailed while clenching your fist.

"It's my fault!" You yelled.

Everyone stopped, then you sat up with tears running down your cheeks- eyes glued to the ground.

"Suguru... talked to me.. about hating non sorcerers," you whispered, as they stayed silent, "he asked me what I think of non sorcerers, I told him that sometimes I feel underappreciated, but seeing them smile with their loved one's is what keeps me going."

Utahime came to your side with a hand on your back, Shoko knelt down and pressed a hand to your forehead.

"You're burning up-"

"He then told me that... if there wasn't any non sorcerers.. there would be less curses. He told me that Riko's and Yu's death changed him," you spoke, "he said that, they died protecting the weak and it enraged him because non sorcerers don't know the sacrifices us sorcerers have to make."

"I... knew," you whispered, "he covered it up by saying that he just hasn't recovered from Amanai's and Yu's death and that's why his view on non sorcerers changed. But, I was too dumb to see that, I was so dumb and believed the lie... when he revealed his true self to me," you said, then looked up at Gojo.

"'Toru... I'm so sorry.. I could've saved your best friend, but I'm so stupid. I-" you covered your face in your hands and cried. Gojo kneeled down and pulled you into his chest.

"You are not responsible for his actions, Y/n," he whispered you sniffled into his chest.

"I could've done something. I could've changed his mind. I could've saved him, 'Toru-"

"Look at me," he said pulling away from you. He wiped your tears as you sniffled. "You couldn't have changed him, you couldn't have done anything, he chose how to live his life- people like that, you cannot change." He said then leaned forward.

"Why.. didn't you tell me?" He asked.

You wiped your nose, "he promised me not to tell anyone.."

Gojo smiled, it was a sad smile, but he tried to make it look as happy as possible, "you always keep your promises, come here," he said then embraced you once again.

Your phone began to vibrate making you pull away, you slipped it out of your pocket and your eye's widened, "it's... Geto.."

Everyone gasped and you answered it, "Suguru?"

"Hey Y/n," he said in a cheery voice, "I wanted to say goodbye to you before leaving, wanna meet up?"

You looked over at Yaga and he nodded, "uh- sure.."

"Great! I'll text you the details," he said, then he hung up. Your phone chimed with a message from Geto, he had sent you the location and time.

"What does it say?" Utahime said

"It's a park," you said, the held your phone up for everyone to see.

Bestie Suguru Blue Rose Park. At the bench by the lake at 4 pm. Don't be late

Yaga summoned you after you had gotten ready. You decided not to wear your jujutsu uniform but some oversized sweatpants and one of Satoru's hoodies with sneakers.

"Y/n, we are going with you," he said, you blinked at Gojo standing behind him.

"Uh-"

"We won't intervene, I'm just going to record your conversation. This machine only works within a certain radius. I'll just put a mic on you, it's strong enough to pick up Geto's voice, try not to talk too loud," he said, you relaxed.

"Stay hidden then," you said, he nodded.

"And... Y/n.." he said, you tilted your head, "you... are going to have to kill him," he said.

Your eyes widened as you stepped back.

Gojo jumped, "whoa, whoa, whoa," Gojo said standing in front of you, shielding you from Yaga's view. Yaga pinched the bridge of his nose again.

"Unfortunately, I have to report everything involving Geto to the higher ups, they demanded that Y/n kills him." Yaga said then sighed and held out a gun. You stared at it. "Y/n is the most capable of killing him."

"I..."

"Just take it, for protection.."

"You think he's gonna hurt me?" You asked, Yaga sighed.

"You never know."

You took it from his grasp and tucked it into your waistband making Gojo look at you.

When you were an assassin- you were one of the best at handling a gun. You had shot many people. In their heads, their hands, arms, legs, shoulder, torso, you name it. But shooting your best friend? Are you capable of doing that?

You tucked the mini microphone on your shirt underneath your Gojo's hoodie. Both you and Gojo sat in the backseat of Yaga's car as he drove you to a building by the park.

"Gojo and I are going to be in this building on the 4th floor near the window, but you won't be able to see us. If anything happens, we will run out," Yaga said, you nodded.

Yaga gave you a gun, Yaga came with you by the higher ups command. But, also because he didn't want to lose another student as he said. He hid his feelings in his actions.

You fiddled with you fingers and Gojo rested a hand on your head, "you sure you're going to be okay?" He asked, you nodded. And, he pulled you into his chest once more before letting you go.

You gazed around the park and finally saw Suguru sitting on a bench. He didn't bother to turn around and greet you, you joined his side and sighed.

"So.. cursed user now?"

"Yep... I found how I wanted to live my life, that's all," he said.

"You killed... a lot of people.. Suguru."

"They were holding these two little girls captive. I had to do something, Y/n," he said, "wouldn't you have done the same thing?"

"I would've freed the two little girls without killing the whole village," you simply stated. He laughed.

"You wouldn't kill the whole village? I find it hard to believe that."

"How so?" You asked.

You knew why. Assassins don't wait, they take. Even if it means killing people who you weren't even assigned to kill. You had become a sorcerer but you haven't abandoned some of your assassin ways. You choose to act first with violence because that's simply how you were trained.

Shoot first, ask questions later. But, some people won't be able to answer because they'd be dead.

Geto did nothing but smile.

"I take it you brought guests with you?"

You gave him a small smile, "yes, but they won't intervene unless you try to hurt me or something."

"I would never."

"You also never said I couldn't bring anyone, so that's your fault," you said sticking out your tongue, you found it strange how you were able to joke with a murderer who was once your best friend right now.

He laughed, then you both stared at the lake.

It was glimmering in the suns golden light as kids by the park near you and him laughed while chasing each other around.

"I know you probably think you could've changed me or saved me, Y/n," he said, "but trust me, the Geto you knew died when Riko did."

You looked at him then looked back at the water, "it's weird.."

"What is?"

"I've known you for years, you're my best friend. Your presence feels so familiar to me, yet I feel like I don't know you at all," you said then looked up at him.

"I'm your best friend, huh?" He smiled, "I thought that would've changed already."

"It hasn't."

He sighed, "you know when you told me you were planning on quitting being a jujutsu sorcerer?" Your eye's widened.

oh no.. gojo is listening to this...

You cleared your throat, "yeah.. what about it?" You asked.

"Do you still feel that way?"

You laughed, "no, idiot! Who's going to protect all the non sorcerers when you try to kill them!"

"Well... Satoru.. duh," he said, you smiled.

"No.. I won't leave Satoru," you said then cleared your throat, "I don't want him to bear the burden of being the strongest all by himself," you whispered looking up at Suguru, "I'm not the strongest, but I just don't want Satoru to feel alone.." you said, Geto squinted his eyes at you.

"I mean your technique is pretty powerful and you're trained assassin, so you could come 2nd to him."

"No, then I'd take your spot," you said shoving him lightly, he chuckled.

"I'm not in this anymore, so go ahead," he said, then let out a deep breath, "he- Satoru told me that my dream is impossible. But I told him that- if I was him, my dream would be possible," he said, you stared at him, "if I had his power, my dream of eliminating all non sorcerers would become possible, isn't that right?" He asked

You sighed and leaned your head back, "I guess.."

"What?" He asked gazing at your bothered face.

"I really shouldn't be... saying this. But.. you're strong, Suguru. Your dream is possible with you being you, don't question your strength," you said, his eyes widened. "You and him were supposed to be the strongest... you think he left you behind, don't you?" You asked.

He sighed, "it's not what I think. It's what he did."

"Do you think he wanted to leave you behind?" You said, "he didn't intend to. But, when he was here with us we had so much fun and everything was normal."

"It's not that Y/n. He became the strongest and I grew to have a different ideals from him and decided to take action, that's all," he said, you sighed.

"You love Satoru, don't you?" He asked, you jumped with your eyes wide.

"Uh-"

"You're always covering for him even in our conversation just now. You stayed as a sorcerer so that you could help him, even if you exorcise just one or a few curses- you do it so Satoru doesn't get the mission and become more busy. You blamed yourself for not helping me when you had the chance because if you saved me- Satoru wouldn't have lost his best friend. Is that right?" He said looking you straight in the eye. Your hand twitched.

"Uh-"

"You don't need to admit it. I'm sure you've questioned your feelings for him a couple times- I'm sure you're questioning your feelings for him more right now, but everyone saw it, even Shoko," he said.

"Can we talk about something else?" You mumbled.

He let out a small laugh, "sure, anyways. I've pretty much said everything I wanted to say, is there anything you want to talk about?"

Then it hit you.

I have to kill him...

"Uh.. why did you want me to not tell anyone about the conversation we had that night?" You asked putting your hands in your pocket, you felt the handle of the gun and wrapped your hand around it.

Kill him.

"Because it would worry everyone. And, I knew you would keep the secret," he said. "You're the one I trust most."

Your heart sank.

Shoot him. You've done this so many times.

"It still doesn't make sense why you didn't tell anyone up until now. Why did you only tell me?" You asked.

Kill him, Y/n

He raised a brow, "are you stalling?"

Just kill him, Y/n.

"Damn..." you said leaning your head back, he raised a brow.

It began to rain with sunlight peaking through the clouds. Golden rain. The smell was nostalgic and this scenery is something you'll never forget. With the lake sparkling, rain hitting every surface in view, the golden light shining down on everything.

I can't do it..

"I'm supposed to kill you," you said, "I'm the one who's most capable of doing it." You took the gun out of your waist band and held it in your lap. He stared at the weapon then back at you. "An assassin like me would surely be capable of killing someone with no remorse or feelings."

"Or.. at least they thought I was the most capable..." you mumbled, then looked up at him, "unfortunately.. I can't kill my best friend," tossing the gun into the lake. No one was around anymore, they all left because of the sudden rain.

"I'm sorry, Suguru, I can't help but think that if I talked to you a little more and spent a little more time with you- you wouldn't have turned out like this," you said standing up, he followed your movements.

"I told you Y/n. I started realizing all of this when Riko died, you're a little too late now," he said, you gave him a sad smile.

"I guess we're enemies now."

"I guess so too," he said then held out his hand for you to shake. You smiled and engulfed him into a hug.

"Goodbye, Suguru... thank you for the best 3 years of my youth," you said, he wrapped his arms around you. You stayed like that for a while. Enjoying his presence because this would be the last time you would ever be in his arms again. Then you finally had the courage to let go.

"Thank you for saying goodbye to me and not leaving with nothing said," you giggled and gave him a sad smile.

"See you, Y/n."

"Goodbye, Suguru.."

With that. You both parted ways going in the opposite direction.

___

You walked back to Yaga and Gojo in the rain, but then you saw Shoko and Utahime standing behind them outside the building, they must've joined while you were talking with Suguru.

"Are you.. okay?" Utahime asked, you gave her a small smile while handing Yaga the mic that was once attached to your shirt.

"I don't know.. I want to go home."

The car ride back was silent almost deafening. But, it was a comfortable silence. Everyone was grieving, but you had each other. You hoped Nanami was doing well, he was the only one who wasn't there, yet you didn't have the energy to see him when you arrived at Jujutsu High.

Approaching Gojo on the stairs, you sat next to him and smiled, "how are you doing?" You asked, he shrugged.

"Fine, I guess.."

"You don't have to lie 'Toru," you said brushing his hair back. He looked at you making your heart skip a beat.

"Thank you.. for checking up on me," he said, but then looked back at the ground, "but, I kind of want to be alone right now."

You immediately pulled away from him, ignoring the ache in your heart, "of course, 'Toru," you said standing up.

"If you want to be lonely, you can always come be lonely with me," you said, "just come to my room if you want. You don't need to knock or anything." You said with a smile, he gave you a weak smile back. You turned on your heels and your grin that you had put on for Gojo dropped instantly.

The journey to your room felt like forever. You walked those hallways so many times with your friends, but by yourself- you never realized how long the hallways were. How many turns you had to take to get to the dorms.

~

Gojo was still sitting at the stairs leading to Jujutsu High, he didn't know long he was sitting there exactly, but it must've been a while. His legs were spread while he rested his cheek in the palm of his hand "how are you holding up?" Yaga asked, he scoffed and kicked a rock.

"Well, I'm here."

Yaga sighed, "do you want to quit being a sorcerer?"

Gojo sat up right, "no, surprisingly. I found how I want to live."

"And, how is that?" Yaga asked.

With a deep breath Gojo sighed, "I want to become a teacher at jujutsu high to make sure the next generation become strong intelligent sorcerers who reset the Jujutsu world. Instead of hiding like the higher ups."

"It's possible," Yaga said, Gojo threw his head back.

"I know it is. How long have I been sitting here?" Satoru asked, the sun had already set and when he sat on the stairs the sun was bright in the sky.

"More than two hours."

They stayed silent for a while until Yaga spoke up.

"... have you.. checked on Y/n?" He asked, Gojo's eyes widened.

~

And that's how Satoru found himself sprinting through the gates, the hallways of jujutsu high to your room. He totally forgot, he was so overwhelmed with everything else, he forgot about you.

He cursed at himself for pushing you away.

He stopped at his room to change into a fresh pair of pajamas then resumed running back to you. Once he made it in front of your door he let out a deep breath.

"Just come to my room if you want. You don't need to knock or anything."

He placed his hand on the knob and twisted it open. Your room was clean, neatly organized. He remember the time you told him that if your room was messy- you'd go insane. He shut the door quietly behind him.

There was moonlight peeking through your window and rested ontop of your body, bed, and parts of your room.

You were on your bed, curled in the fetal position with your head buried in the pillows. As he made his way over to your figure- he didn't miss how your jujutsu uniform was thrown in the trash. Your skirt sunk deep in the bag with your sweater barely hanging on the rim of the trashcan. You had thrown it away making him nervous.

Were you going to quit being a jujutsu sorcerer for real? He remembered Geto mentioning it in your conversation with him today.

He cleared his throat and diverted his attention back to you, "hey Y/n-"

"Ah!" you said sitting up at his voice. You wiped your tears away and flipped your tear-stained pillow to the dry side, "Toru! Hi! Sorry, I didn't hear you," you smiled, "is there something wrong?"

"Yeah," he said.

"Oh.. what is it?"

He pointed at square at your chest, "you trying to hide the fact that you were crying."

You shrugged, "I mean you scared me."

"So?" He said, then sighed wiping your wet cheeks, "just be yourself."

"I'm just not used to people seeing me cry," you smiled as he took off his sunglasses and placed them on your nightstand.

"You can cry around me, Y/n," he said, staring straight at you with those gorgeous blue irises. "Can I.. be lonely with you?" He asked, you gave him a small smile.

"Of course-"

He tackled you onto the bed, burying his face into your neck.

"Why didn't you give up being a sorcerer and live a normal life?" He asked, you leaned your head back and stared at the ceiling.

"I.. swore to myself that I would become a sorcerer to make up for all the lives I took," you said, "I also didn't want you to become more busy than you are now."

"Thanks for not leaving me," he said, you smiled slightly.

"How are you doing? Do you want to talk about anything?" You asked, he sighed.

"I think if I say anything, I'll just cry."

"Let it all out, 'Toru, it's just me and you anyways. There is no one else."

He looked up at you because of your words. The things he'd do for you. He'd give heaven to you, he'd move mountains for you, he'd do it all. Yet, he couldn't save you from the pain. If he just saved Geto, he could've saved you from the pain you're experiencing now.

He buried his face in your neck.

"I'm sorry, Y/n."

You buried your fingers in his white strands of hair, "for what, Toru?"

"I'm so sorry. I blame myself.. for not being there for Geto, if I didn't go on so many missions maybe he wouldn't have changed, maybe he wouldn't have-"

You didnt expect it.

HE didn't expect it but he choked on his own words and began to sob into your neck. Holding you so tight you could barely breathe.

"I'm so sorry."

You wrapped your arms around him, "Toru.. enough with these 'if I did this', 'if I did that'," you said, kissing his head. "I know it hurts, but you can't save everyone including the people closest to you. You heard what he said, he changed when Amanai died. You and I were both there, we couldn't do anything. So, it's not just your fault, it's mine too. Or maybe, it's none of our faults. Just don't take the blame by yourself, okay?"

You didn't care if you were letting yourself go and showering him with kisses. This is what he needed, this is what you needed. You let him cry into your neck a little more as tears rolled down your cheeks.

"This is out of our control. It was bound to happen. There's nothing we can do."

He pulled away suddenly and turned his face away from you to wipe his tears, you grabbed his wrists to stop his movements, "you can cry around me, Toru," you smiled, mocking him a bit. He laughed as you grinned.

For some reason everything felt alright with him by your side. Your room wasn't so cold anymore, there wasn't silence that slowly killed you, crying seemed better when he was there. You didn't feel so lonely anymore.

"Are you.. going to quit being a sorcerer?" He asked, joining your side in bed. You sighed.

"No.. I don't know yet. Why?"

"I have a dream, that I want you to be apart of," he said, you rolled onto your side and stared into blue eyes.

"I want to become a teacher at jujutsu high," he said.

You blinked, "why?"

"I want to raise the next generations to become strong intelligent sorcerers who fix the Jujutsu world. Instead of hiding like higher-up cowards," he said and looked you straight in the eye, "and I want you to do it with me."

Gojo grabbed your hand and began to intertwine your fingers together.

"You see.. Suguru's 'awakening' really showed me all the flaws in the structure of the jujutsu world as well as the higher ups leaving you to the task of killing Suguru proved my point, they're cowards. I don't want the next sorcerers to become like Suguru or those old geezers," he said then cupped your cheek, "I want the kids to turn out like you."

"I... love you, Y/n.." he said, your eyes widened, "I always have, since our first year."

"You're strong, capable, caring, reliable, sweet, smart, fierce, and selfless," he said then smiled, "kids like that don't sound so bad, huh?"

You couldn't help but bury yourself into his chest and cry a little more, "do you mean that?" You mumbled, he smiled and wrapped his arms around you as you looked up at him.

"I mean every word with my whole being," he said.

"I'll do it, Toru. I'll do it all with you, you're the only dream I seek," you said, then kissed his jaw, "I love you- mph!!"

He slammed his lips into yours and pushed you onto your back, pressing himself more and more into you while his hand cupped your cheek. Gojo pulled away to gasp for air and leaned his forehead against yours, "thank you for not leaving me. Thank you for making sure I don't bear the burden of being the strongest by myself. Thank you for tackling this dream with me," he said, "thank you, y/n. Thank you. There's so much happening right now."

Gojo pulled away to look you in the eye, "when I'm with you. I'm not so lonely anymore." He said, kissing your nose as the moonlight peeking from your window brushed against your facial features.

His stare made you squirm a bit, "stop staring. I probably look disgusting right now." Messy hair, tear stained cheeks, drool around your mouth, swollen puffy eyes.

But, even in your worst time, he always saw the best in you. He paid no attention to your messy hair, tear stained cheeks, drool, and swollen eyes.

He gazed at the moonlight lighting up your skin, your hair, your beautiful eyes, and glossy lips.

You sniffled as he cupped your cheek slowly and pressed a soft kiss to your lips before pulling away.

"Darling, you're glowing."

~ end

___

Gege was asked, “since Gojo is aware of his good looks doesn’t he want a lover?” and Gege responded with, “I don’t see gojo being sincere to a particular woman” it was translated as, “I don’t see Gojo settling down with a particular women.” what he actually meant by that is- he doesn’t see Gojo letting himself become vulnerable with a women. but, I also 100% think Gojo would be a whore too yknow so this is all about you- being the only person in the world who Satoru would let himself become vulnerable with.

suki's notes :

I want this to have a part 2 of you and Gojo meeting Megumi and Tsumiki with headcanons of moments you and Gojo had gone through while raising Megumi and starting your journey as a teacher at jujutsu high

Sounds cute, right? (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

anyways sorry this was long as hell. i hope this did NOT disappoint. I will be sad I worked on this all day T~T

but u CANNOT tell me this last part w/ u and gojo did not represent This Side of Paradise. read the lyrics ;3

hope y'all enjoyed it ! have a great night/day <3

EDIT :

SO MANY PEOPLE LOVED THIS- I THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA FLOP

THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE AND SUPPORT I WORKED RLLY HARD ON THIS

THANK YOU

THERE WILL BE A PART 2 - you and gojo raising and meeting megumi and starting your journey as teachers :3

I DO NOT KNOW WHEN PART 2 IS COMING OUT - WORKING ON IT RN

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu gojo #jujutsu kaisen gojo #gojo satoru #gojo satoru x reader #gojo saturo #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru x y/n #gojo x reader #jjk gojo #satoru #gojo fanfic #jjk x reader #jjk fanfic #jjk satoru #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #gojo x reader angst #jujutsu kaisen satoru #jujutsu satoru #gojou satoru x reader

[tossawary]

A quote and thoughts regarding Shen Yuan's opinions on Liu Mingyan and the "sexiness" of the Liu Mingyan versus Sha Hualing setup. He knows what he should be feeling in this situation as a "normal straight guy", but I don't think he's actually feeling it.

"Shen Qingqiu was very fond of this female lead, and it wasn't only because Liu Mingya's beauty points were the highest. It was also because she had great poise. She always understood the big picture and grasped the general situation, and her conduct was fair and honest. Even in Luo Binghe's gigantic harem, a wife with both intelligence and moral character was rare.

There was one more appeal factor. Liu Mingyan was the only female character for whom Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky didn't write detailed sex scenes. Many readers had been highly dissatisfied with this arrangement, to the point that they spammed the comments with their ranting, but this had given Liu Mingyan something no other female lead had: an image as clear as ice and pure as jade!

Can't be helped, the unobtainable ones are always the best.

[Sweatdropping shrug kaomoji that I can't type out.]

This was what made the second match worth watching. An evil demoness naturally demanded a righteous saintess as a rival. Every man dreamed of being caught between an angel and a devil. To watch them jealously vie with each other over him one moment, then risk life and limb for his sake in the next - that was the highest, most sacred, perverted fantasy of every male organism. He could drunk off the wild, untamed charm of the wicked seductress, and at the same time his heart would ache for the austere taste of the pure saintess who kept pulling him closer only to push him away!

One had to admit, "Great Master" Airplane was genuinely good at nailing what people found satisfying. Shen Qingqiu couldn't help giving Luo Binghe another glance.

Luo Binghe found it very hard to not care about that gaze. Why exactly did Shen Qingqiu keep looking at him? Was it possible that Shizun... really had an interest in him?"

Volume 1, Chapter 2, pages 111-112.

I'm not sure where to start with this! It's a lot! I'll just work backwards: it is very funny to have Shen Qingqiu repeatedly looking towards Luo Binghe, trying to see Binghe's reactions to Sha Hualing and Liu Mingyan, and Binghe's just like, "Shizun is looking at me???" I think "interest" in this case just means interest in Binghe as a disciple with potential, rather than anything else. Binghe is not paying any real attention to Sha Hualing or Liu Mingyan's attractiveness.

Oh! A rare compliment towards "Great Master" Airplane! Shen Yuan, don't strain those rarely used muscles!

I do find it amusing that Shen Yuan refers to Liu Mingyan as "moral" and "righteous" and "pure" here. The vibe I got with Liu Mingyan is that she sided with Luo Binghe to take down her brother's murderer, which I would agree is righteous and abides by a set of morals. But the first few pages of SVSSS inform us that PIDW Luo Binghe viciously destroyed the great cultivation sects, which means that PIDW wife Liu Mingyan either helped or stepped aside when a whole bunch of murder happened.

And the "my favorite wife is the one with no (or limited) sex scenes" is a classic Shen Yuan moment and one of the reasons he reads as being strongly on the asexuality spectrum to me. The way that he talks about heterosexual "male" desire gives me the same vibe. Like he's separated from it. Like he knows this is what he's "supposed" to feel and he just... doesn't... and it's possibly hard for him to recognize what sexual desire feels like (as opposed to, say, general sexual arousal that doesn't necessarily have a target) if he's never actually experienced it himself. He knows what he should be feeling if he was the "every man" reader of PIDW.

Even when he talks about Sha Hualing and Liu Mingyan's appeal, he says "wild, untamed charm" and "pulling him closer only to push him away" as the key components of the fantasy. Like, "being flirted with" and "being fought over and fought for" and "appreciating a distant beauty" are more important than "having sex". "The most appealing thing about Liu Mingyan is that she wouldn't actually go through with trying to have sex with me," says Shen Yuan.

He's like, "Oh, I can recognize that Liu Mingyan and Sha Hualing are physically attractive, that probably means I'm an Ordinary Straight Man." Even though the way that he talked about Liu Qingge's looks in the Ling Xi Caves was... not very heterosexual... and here, he mostly seems excited just to see one of his favorite characters.

Admittedly, Sha Hualing appears 15-16 here and I think Liu Mingyan is around the same age (she doesn't have her spiritual sword yet), so Shen Yuan is probably also not attracted to them just because they're teenagers. (I do not interpret him as sexually or romantically interested in Binghe at all at this point in time.) I headcanon Shen Yuan being 20-ish at this point in time, so he's probably not that much older than SHL or LMY, but they're probably around his younger sister's age (Shen Yuan's younger sister was old enough to be reading non-con, gay, BDSM erotica.) Sha Hualing shows up half-naked and Shen Yuan is just like, "Where are your shoes? Did you walk here like this? Wasn't that painful?"

In my opinion, Shen Yuan seems a little... relieved... to think that no one could be sexually or romantically interested in the scum villain. He does lament that it's hard to get a girlfriend like this, sure. He does think that he's going to die and that he'd eventually lose any woman to Binghe, so there's no point in trying. But he really, really does not try. "Oh, I can't pursue anyone because they'd never be interested in me! How frustrating! ...Anyway! Moving on to enjoy the many other little pleasures of life! Like food and monsters!" I think the closest he comes to flirting with anyone is when speaking to Liu Qingge in the Ling Xi Caves, while Liu Qingge is coughing up blood, and that did not seem intentional.

I think if he had transmigrated into any other character, who wasn't an "unappealing" villain, Shen Yuan still wouldn't pursue women. I think he'd be like, "Well, I want a beautiful woman, because I have standards! But all beautiful women belong to the protagonist, and no one is better than Binghe, there's no way I'd win that competition, so there's no point in trying!" At which point, it's just like, "Shen Yuan, anyone becomes beautiful when you love or like them; I don't think you actually want to fuck women."

I think if Shen Yuan had transmigrated in as Luo Binghe, he still wouldn't try to pursue women. He'd be like, "I'm just raising my standards for the harem! Some of those wives were not very intelligent or in possession of good moral character! Nearly three-digits is disrespectful to the better wives! I'm only interested in especially beautiful and skilled women, like Liu Mingyan, who's perfect! (And also won't try to have sex with me.)"

Like, I am not against a bisexual Shen Yuan. I am willing to be persuaded to go along with many different interpretations! But he does read to me generally as a gay asexual / demisexual who hasn't yet realized that a desire to be fawned over and an ability to recognize beauty is not necessarily the same thing as sexual attraction. (I do think he is attracted to Binghe after Binghe gets back from the Endless Abyss, but his feelings there are tied up in his very real, reasonable fear of murder and mutilation.)

#tossawary svsss #tossawary rereads svsss #sha hualing #shen yuan #shen qingqiu #liu mingyan #luo binghe #bingqiu #liu qingge #spoilers #shen yuan versus asexuality fic

[fefairys]

collection of hussie book commentary notes from the conversation where vriska confides in john after killing tavros

"Then John starts wandering around this random castle as Vriska initiates a fairly long Sadstuck conversation involving way too much blue text. Primarily she is feeling slightly guilty about this "murder" she accidentally did, so she looks for a sympathetic and gullible nerd's shoulder to cry on, and continue emotionally manipulating him into liking her, and also emotionally manipulating you into regarding her as a complex, morally ambiguous person who is also your favorite character."

"And then Vriska just keeps on going, revealing that it was her very first murder... Wait, except for all those other murders she did to feed her spider mom. But she didn't like those people! And her shitty spider mom was hungry. And yes, it may have been an absolutely genocidal number of murders, BUT. Look how sad she looks in that panel. D'aw, don't be like that Vriska. All is forgiven. Wait, what's that? There was a second friendmurder you forgot about? Aradia? Hmm, that one keeps slipping your mind, doesn't it. Well, that doesn't sound great, but we already just offered blanket amnesty for every bad thing you've ever done, because we can't bear to see you this sad. So that confession doesn't really count against you. Any more murders you'd like to confess? Because those are all fine too. Wait, maybe don't tell us about any more, so it doesn't make us feel any weirder about this. Just joking, you can tell us. You can do whatever you want. We're gonna allow that, because that's what it means to forgive someone who looks as truly sorry as you do right now."

"There's a whole other dimension of self indulgence we're seeing from her, switching gears from "Here's why my literal thousands of murders shouldn't be held against me," to "It sure is a shame we never got to grow up, but [lip trembles a bit]...it was awfully nice we got to make all your stars for you along the way." ... At the end of the day, Vriska did 90% of the talking, while John intermittently offered a few remarks such as "wow" and "geez" and "huh" and "golly, that's a lot of murders..." But then, that's why John is such a perfect friend. And an even perfecter friend for Vriska, who really just wants a boy-foil functioning as the ultimate enabler and sounding board for her apologist "multicultural" navel gazing and self-absorbed rationalization narratives."

#sams reading homestuck again #homestuck #vriska

[sunandsstars]

SPIDER THE MATCHMAKER

Recom!Miles x Na’vi!Reader x Spider (Platonic)

Summary: Spider finally had enough of Quaritch’s oggling and decided to help encourage his advances towards the reader, he has a ship, and he’s determined to let it sail. Warnings: Brief mentions of abandonment/murder/existential crisis, Swearing Word count: 1.8k

It was different, being accepted into Na’vi society. He was so used to being the bad buy, the killer among men, yet now he’s just..him. After becoming a recom he felt as if he did not belong, a human mind in an aliens body is something he had to get used to. He definitely had a lot of existential crisis up until now.

The last fight he had with Jake Sully in the reefs left him severely wounded and he had to retreat back to base to seek help, his men where gone and his morale was becoming low. Luckily his son, Spider, decided to join him. His reasoning was that while the Sully’s where kind to him growing up (especially kiri who he will miss dearly) he cant ignore the fact they never went after him when he got kidnapped by the RDA, he cant ignore how Neytiri was so willing to kill him after he showed the family nothing but loyalty and he cant ignore how he felt as if he never belonged with them as human. 

So there they are, holed up in the Tawkami Clan, learning their way of life and becoming part of the people.

Surprisingly they where quick to welcome them in despite them not having a good history with men kind, Spider said they where a peaceful clan with a persistent quest for knowledge and lore keeping, they were studious and make it their mission to preserve Eywa’s ecosystem. ‘So they wanted to study me, the human turned Na’vi, how could I say no to being the centre of their learning’

Quaritch was certainly liking the attention from the people, back at base he was oggled at yes, but for different reasons. Usually the looks he received where ones of admiration for his effort in the war all those years ago, or was disgust for his newly blue tinted skin. In Greenhome it was of great wonder, oh how her yellow eyes looked into his in fascination while talking about his past planet Earth, how she spoke about the plants and the forests of Pandora with great love, how-

‘’Hey man, you good?’’

Spider waved a hand in front of his face and looked around to see what could be stealing the man’s attention, once his sights fell on the beautifal Na’vi woman picking some fruit not that far away he smirked cheekily. ‘’You know you could always go and talk to her right? She wont bite’’. Quaritch blinked and scowled, grabbing his son into a headlock and rubbing his knuckles along his head at lightning speed. Spider laughed loudly and struggled in his fathers hold, wriggling and shouting for help, and when help did come the blue mans grip became limp embarrassingly fast.

‘’And just what do you think you’re doing to him hm?’’ ___ pried the boy gently from Quaritch’s arms and placed him on the floor to run around ‘’hurting children is not something we take lightly you know’’

Well shit.

The recom felt his face flush a cute lilac shade, it spread from his nose and across his cheeks, even going to the tip of his pointed ears. How did he become so weak in the presence of a lady? The old Quaritch would have never blushed at the sight of one. But then again he isn’t the man he once was. If ___ noticed the fluster of his face she didn’t mention it, instead she grabbed the hand that was rested on his lap, intertwined their fingers and pulled him towards the fruit she was picking. 

‘’Come, I will show you how to pick yovo fruit’’ she spoke in English. Spider has been a fantastic teacher.

If the purple on his face could become any darker, it certainly has. Her hand was so warm and small…

Spider could only follow and wiggle his brows to the man discreetly. He is determined to get this ship going.

Standing at the base of the large bush ___ started to show him how to pick the berry’s, ‘’they are delicate and must be handled with care, you must not squeeze them too hard when picking’’ she picked a couple of them into her hand, threw some into the basket with the rest and gave some to both boys. Spider lifted his exopack and quickly devoured them, sliding the mask back on and chewing loudly ‘’these are good’’ he stated matter of factly with a mouthful. The outside of his lips turning purple from the pigment.

___ giggled at his antics and looked to see Quaritch’s reaction, he rolled his eyes at the boy and slowly munched on a berry. Once deemed not poisonous (he has trust issues ok) he threw the rest into his mouth. ‘’Yea, these are fucking fantastic’’ the woman could only smile in glee, happy to share more of her planet with him.

That smile..it sent his heart beating incredibly fast. He was falling in love and he knew it. How couldn’t he? When she was just so gentle and sweet with his son, when she was one of the first to help them get comfortable within the clan. He needed to invite her out, fast. He wasn’t the only one with eyes on her. He mused, eyes glancing at a small group of hunters around a fire, some of which turned their heads away quickly as they got caught.

‘’I was uh wondering’’ he coughed. This is gonna be a pain in the ass.

‘’would you like to come out with me tonight?’’ Spider swallowed the last of the fruit and blinked up at his father, smiling wide. Finally. It’s not like he’s been waiting for months.

___ blinked in surprise, not expecting this sudden offer. She wondered if he was finally asking her to be mates. Could you blame her?  A 9 ft 5’’ Na’vi warrior, recently accepted as part of the clan and was a fantastic hunter. And those muscles…

Eywa give her strength.

Her tail swished in gradual hope ‘’yes. Of course I would Miles’’ she grinned, bringing a hand up to cover her mouth in sweet shyness, the same purplish hue coating the recoms cheeks starting to spread across hers. 

Quaritch let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Fuck, why was it so hard to ask for one simple thing. Never in his life has he felt like this, not with previous hookups, not with past girlfriends and certainly not with Paz – the deceased mother of his son.

‘’alright sweetness, meet me here tonight, after eclipse’’ ___ could only swish her tail at the nickname and nodded oh so cutely. Picking up her basket she patted Spider on the head and bid them a good rest of the evening, needing to go back to her chores. 

Miles Quaritch, former human, now Na’vi, was the ultimate womaniser. He puffed his chest out and smirked to himself. He deserved a pat on the back.

Like two peas in a pod, Miles Socorro read his mind and pat his lower back (the only part the poor kid could reach)

‘’well done dad, well done’’

The sun hid behind the planet known as Polyphemus and casted darkness, but Pandora never truly sleeps.

Two blue figures where seen jumping across branches and leaping from root to root, the bioluminescent glow of the moon never ceased to fascinate the man who has never known fresh air and real plants. He looked around in awe at his surroundings and himself, lifting his hands in front of his face and taking note of all the little white dots speckled across his skin. 

___laughed joyfully and turned around ‘’Miles come’’ she beckoned him to carry on, wanting them to get to their destination as soon as possible. The recom dropped his hands and sprinted to catch up with the female, her being much more experienced with the terrain and therefore had the upper hand in their little race. 

On the way they both came across fan lizards and proceeded to disturb them, watching the light of the animal as they flew cross their faces and up into the air. Giggles sounded out throughout the forest, joyful laughs and quick inhales of breath as they finally arrived to where ___ wanted to take them. 

The tree of voices.

Both slowly crept towards the sacred space, their steps leaving glowing footprints in the grass. The tree shone beautiful pinks and purples as the hanging branches swayed ever so softly in the wind, it wasn’t the only thing that took his breath away.

There she stood, with the biggest grin on her face, eyes twinkling in the light of their surroundings and tail swinging happily. She moved to the centre of the tree ‘’this is Ultral Aymokriyä, the tree of voices’’ she whispered softly, ‘’you are a man now Miles, one of the people, you are able to hear our ancestors’’ she grabbed his hand and brought him closer to a cluster of hanging branches and connected her queue to them, inhaling as the voices of the past filled her ears.

Quaritch followed her actions and his pupils dilated at the newfound sounds, he never really believed in Eywa before, taking it up as some sort of false goddess. But this, this proves whatever he thought was wrong. ‘’They live. Within Eywa’’ the woman facing him sensed a change of air and looked up as atokirina fell slowly to land on their shoulders. She gasped and disconnected her queue, never has she thought that the great mother would bless them both tonight.

This is a sign.

Miles looked towards the atokirina and then to the love of his life and decided that she was the one for him. He walked closer to her until they where chest to chest and grabbed her face in his overly large palms ‘’___. Now that I am one of the people I am able to choose a mate’’ he felt her tense under his touch and looked straight into her eyes to look for any uncertainty ‘’you have helped me and my son in a time of need, despite us being humans, you have seen past our faults and accepted us into your arms with love’’. ___ started to tear up, not expecting this heartfelt speech.

And in such good Na’vi, thank you Spider.

‘’___.. oel ngati kameie”

The woman suddenly took his face into her own palms and connected their lips, it was soft and sweet. Both leaving them breathless and wanting more.

“Ma Miles, I see you’’

Just couple of bushes away, a little boy with blue stripes was caught lurking, watching the two blue aliens as they confessed their everlasting love. He held his breath and lifted his mask, wiping a singular tear from his eye.

His ship has finally sailed.

#✰ — avatar works — ✰ #Miles quaritch x reader #avatar miles quaritch #avatar the way of water #fanfiction #oneshot #recombinant #spider #miles socorro #x reader #na’vi #na’vi!reader #Avatar #crackfick #Fluff #soft!miles quaritch #Might be a bit ooc

[nn-ee-zz]

What are your other OC's like? I'm interested in hearing about the stories you came up with for them.

UH OH youre gonna get me talking!

My OCs are NPCs by origin. I was (still am) the DM of my friend group and to get their characters moving along I had to create my own.

Unexpectedly, my friends loved them.

ILYA - unwell henchman

i know its a boys name,

An aiding hand to an ambiguous villain, Ilya was introduced as sneaky, smiling, and untrustworthy. The facade collapsed once she vomited inside a cup after accidentally touching the liquified remains of (unbeknown to her) her younger sibling. The villain is a wizard of great power and transported all the liquid from their body to put out a fire, mummifying and killing the person in the process in an attempt to save several.

She seeks her sibling amongst the city. The tingling awareness of their demise at the hands of the guild she encouraged them to join and growing panic and grief led her to start a fight with someone who is spiraling as well.

She ends up at the local clinic, heavily injured and minus one eye, and spirals further from her injuries, her guilt, and the knowledge her family was correct about her being too mentally fragile to be in the city. Until....

(For now. The overall arc for this character is of recovery and improvement instead of pain and self-destruction. Forgive your past and find value within you that goes beyond self-sacrifice. With the help of others, of course.)

Despite her questionable moral position, a lot of characters feel the need to protect her.

Art - Her wearing another characters shirt and her getting a widdle kiss from said character, because even I (the monster freak artist) have my lovely ships

ED - emo organ trafficker

''Nez, I want my oc to be kidnapped and rescued by another oc'' ''Hm, I'll make up a guy to kidnap them then''

Originally meant to be a minor antagonist that would kidnap a character to harvest their organs and be easily defeated. Villain of the week type.

However, his snarky behavior, violent temperament, fancy victorian-boy-esque looks captured a lot of attention. He is a little freak but his direct words seem to bring out a lot of honesty in other characters.

Fun facts; His name is inspired by Edward Hyde. He is roomates and best friend/adopted sibling to Ilya. He makes an effort to be fancier than he is because he was born a bastard child and forced to be his fathers servant before he murdered his siblings and father and joined the army to escape (where he met ilya and ultimately got adopted into her family <333)

Art - Him, and him as a chibi fighting the guy who rescued the person he kidnapped. They also fall in love

REDD - funny bully

I recently made an oc just to mess around with the players while they were in jail! Well, now one of them drank his blood and is forever connected to him. The other one got her finger broken cuz she poked him. He also had the prision keys the entire time but pretended to be a prisioner as well. What a menace! I love making horrible pests. His name is red cuz thats how the others refered to him, because I described him as having red hair and red eyes.

Isnt it funny how despite being a DM I never use my monster designs?! I find it a lot more interesting to make characters specifically meant to alter the course of the character development of my players. I love to change deeply and irrevocably! : D

#ask #ocs #long post

[your-local-hoemie]

I've genuinely never put in a request for something before so ur the first T.T

I was wondering, what would happen if you just wandered into scaramouche's room?

Im sorry if this is oddly specific, but I was hoping for a NS!FW M4M, possibly with Balladeer instead of wanderer, and if you do this thank you so much :))

NS!FW. 18+ ONLY!!!

OF COURSE!!!! Thank you for asking!!!!

You’ll have to forgive me if it’s not great. Even though I edge more towards masc im still not 100% sure how dudes work djdhdu

Also good lord, I went kind hard (hah) with this one, my cheeks were gLOWING while writing this. I’m never seeing heaven istg 💀

Edit: I accidentally went a little off script because I got extremely flustered so I’m sorry T-T

Warnings: ns!fw, dom!scaramouche (he needs his own warning), mild degradation, mean words, bratty behaviour, smug little shittery, lots of spicy words, swearing, male!reader, not proof-read.

Characters: scaramouche as: The ✨Balladeer✨

Scaramouche and you had a weird relationship.

No one knew whether you hated each other or if you were actually close.

Including you-

Sometimes you’d be at each other throat with any sharp object you could find and then the next, you’d be defending the other for whatever morally questionable crimes you had committed.

You happened to be one of the unfortunate fatui members that had been assigned to Scaramouche.

You don’t really know how he didn’t decide to murder you for your instinctive comebacks whenever he’d insult you.

He’s never admit it but he enjoyed having someone to banter with that wouldn’t immediately shit themselves the second he glanced at them.

Which is why you were now in his office for…

Well you didn’t really know.

He was busy doing paperwork that he was making extremely obvious that he hated every second of.

You were sitting in a chair across the room from him, equally as bored.

“So what exactly do you need me for… sir”

“To sit there and shut up.”

“…why?”

Letting out a sigh, Scara rolling his eyes, waving your questions off.

“You know, I’m supposed to be doing work. Going out, getting information, torturing, stealing, all the good stuff. Not sit in a room with a pouty brat-”

Clearing your throat, you suddenly realise what you had done.

Oh shit-

With a glare more threatening than a cryo mage in the rain. Scara placed his pen neatly down on the table, carefully organising the papers in front of him with sly grin.

Double shit-

“You know, you do a lot of talking for someone who can’t even handle to be alone in a room with their boss for more than an hour”

“Yeah well you’re not really the most enjoyable to be around…boss.”

The balladeers grin became even more sly as I pushed the chair away from his desk, standing up and taking a few steps forward, positioning himself right in front of you.

“I’ve had a very stressful day and I think I could use a little worshiping. Why don’t you use that mouth for something other than pathetic remarks, hm~?”

“Excuse me-?”

Without a hint of hesitation or shame, the harbinger placed his hand on your head. Most likely relishing the feeling of actually being taller than someone for once.

“Don’t act like our… banter doesn’t get you hard. I’ve seen the way you squirm when I get a little too close~”

Scaramouche pressed your head close to his crotch, speaking with a tone laced in sly smugness.

“I know you’ve imagined what I could do to you. I bet you even stroke yourself to the thought of me. Having the hand of a deity stroke you~”

Obviously he was right. Which just annoyed you even more, causing your pride to outweigh the sheer embarrassment coursing through your veins at his lewd words.

“You know how much shit you’d be in if I told anyone about this, right?

Scaramouche frowned at your remark, swiftly taking your chin in his hand and forcing you to look up at him.

“If a word of this leaves your mouth to anyone other than me, I will make you wish that I killed you. Understand me?”

Feeling your words catch in your throat, you give him a irritated nod, unable to fully deny how hot the whole situation was becoming.

“Good. Now, be a good for your god and worship me the way I deserve.”

Smirking down at you, Scara unbuttoned his shorts, letting his already hard dick bounce out against your face, making him sigh out in satisfaction.

“I always thought you looked so much better on your knee’s~ now suck.”

Blushing violently and not even able to deny how turned on you were, you locked eyes with The Balladeer and took him inside your mouth.

“Good boy~ just like that..”

Petting your hair with a surprising amount of gentleness, Scara pushed your head back and fourth, making you gag as his tip hits the back of your throat.

“Why don’t you touch yourself for me like the desperate, horny slut you are~”

Letting out a small, muffled whimper, you knew you were completely at his mercy as you couldn’t help but move your hand down, touching yourself as he commanded.

Scara thrust his hips more intensely, picking up his speed as moans and grunts escape his lips causing you to match his speed with your hand.

Feeling his hand grip tighter on your head, with one finally thrust and a loud groan of pleasure, scara finally released himself down your throat, pushing you over the edge as you coat your hand and pants in your load.

“Mmh! You’re such a good fuck toy,m. Now make sure to clean up the mess m’kay?”

Pulling out, leaving a messy string of saliva mixed with his load; Scara took a deep breath and returned to his paperwork like nothing happened, leaving you panting and and mess on the floor, still somewhat dazed.

“Y-yes…sir…”

HSIDUDICUIDJDIVUDO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

squeaks 👺👨‍🦽👹🧍

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin imagines #genshin boyfriend scenarios #genshin drabbles #genshin impact smut #genshin smut #genshin scaramouche #genshin impact scaramouche #the balladeer #scaramouche smut #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche x male reader #I’m squealing and dying and blushing and rolling around and wiggling my legs #genshin x male reader

[catholic-character-tournament]

Round 1 - Side B

Propaganda below ⬇️

Matt

Matt's faith in the show is really important and well explored; one of the first scenes of the show is Matt going to confession (or, well, talking to his priest since he's not really confessing at that point). Matt struggles a lot with what he's supposed to do; everyone's telling him to kill the villain and he kinda wants to, but he literally says: "I know my soul is damned if I take his life". He struggles with his faith and goes with his doubts to his priest, and it's beautiful—also when he finally gets a costume for his vigilanteing he chooses to dress as the devil, lol. (His priest tells him that nothing makes people run to Church faster than the feeling of having the devil on their heels.)

a lot of the show is about how he justifies his vigilante actions with his faith, and whether he's doing the right thing in trying to help people or just using it as an outlet for his anger. the literal first scene of the show has him in a confession booth talking to his priest (who is a really interesting character too). this is not the scene I was talking about but it's such an excellent scene with matt talking to his priest: https://youtu.be/XHZ3NbEIDdw

canonically catholic but dresses like a demon to be quirky

honestly i dont wanna type too much but i feel that matt is a great example of someone who battles with his faith because he rarely loses his faith but rather fights with why he was made the way he was and put through what he was. He believes himself to have the devil inside him but believes that God put him there

ok in the comics barring the most current run matt has Mostly been a non-practicing Catholic that very rarely actually does any catholic Activities but ends up falling back into the Mindset and very occasionally dramatically taking confession (ex. in that one issue where he takes confession, basically tells the father that he is uniquely terrible and is thinking about violently murdering someone and when the father says "you can be forgiven" hes like "AUGFH-- NO!!!!!!!!!!" and runs out) when he's gone through some shit. and i love that its so relatable

hello its me cct organizer. i have to come clean, i made this tournament because i need matt to win something. i dont think hell win the sadboy and he lost the ginger tournament and >:( hes my favoritest guy ever. Also @ who said he has religious trauma is wrong and i will fight u about it (nicely) on my main @usaigi

This guy so catholic he spends an ungodly amount of time just chilling in the church. And goes there whenever there is a moral conundrum about killing people being Bad even though it would solve a lot of problems and stop said people from killing other people. This happens every other episode. Matt is the Catholic Guilt Guy. There's actually a lot of catholic stuff in the show as a whole. Just a compilation would be like three whole episodes long.

Hes great hes catholic enough to not outrught murder people but not catholic enough to not fuck before marriage hes a bisexual disaster at all times hes besties with a priest might i add hes great hes my special little guy

his catholicism is a huge piece of his characterisation he was raised by nuns in a catholic orphanage, the first scene we ever see him (as an adult and not a flashback) is him going to confession, he is good friend with his priest and has regular debates with him, etc also in s3 he has a huge crisis of faith after he lost A Lot where he stops believing for a while and it's linked to his identity crisis where he actually wants to kill another person (a hard line he previously chose never to cross) and wants to be only daredevil and not matt murdock, when he is both and needs both to exist also when he was a kid his grandmother used to say "watch out for the murdock boys, they've got the devil in them" and it created a surprising lot of his issues

So he's both catholic in the comics and the show but he's More Catholic in the show. Like, raised in a catholic orphanage by nuns (ONE OF WHICH IS HIS *MOTHER*), second scene in the show has him in a confession box kind. Matt Murdock goes out and gets the shit beaten out of him nightly and also beats the shit out of other people and purposefully leaned into devil iconography as his theme. When his nurse friend says, he takes a lot of punishment without one complaint he says "That part's the Catholicism." It is a Core Aspect of his character (at least in the show). He makes me insane. Also the same chemicals that blinded him created the teenage mutant ninja turtles and everyone should know that.

They went to confession to a priest who they had saved as their costumed counterpart and the guy recognized them by the voice, proving that it's possible and everyone else is just dumb

he takes "i wanna fight god" to new and incredibly violent levels, while also being a sweetheart and a goofball

Actually strictly WILL NOT kill criminals. Goes wayyy out of his way to avoid it. Fights with the Punisher about it. Goes to confession booth after nightly vigilante excursions. Feels so much guilt. "How have you been holding up?" "Like a good Caltholic boy" "that bad huh" - actual conversation with his priest

So Daredevil struggles with his mission as a crime fighter because killing criminals goes against his faith. He makes it a point to not kill criminals, believing that even bad people deserve a second chance. This philosophy puts him at odds against The Punisher, who is a relentless killer. As a Catholic myself, while I love the concept of a morally conflicted superhero, I think the worldbuilding around Daredevil is lacking. If he struggles with violence and killing, why doesn't he pray to warrior saints like Saint Michael, Saint Ignatius of Loyola (a former knight), or Saint Joan of Arc? Why isn't there a community of other Catholics he can turn to for guidance, considering New York City has a sizeable population of Catholics? And why are the churches he goes to always empty? Doesn't he know that the Catholic Church supports the just war theory? I think that would have made his burden more bearable.

He goes to church and confesses to punching people and says "imma do it again can i apologize in advance" and the father dude says "no you're meant to stop now" and Matt says "no" and they do this everyday. I'm not remembering it properly but this is a canon interaction i swear

HELLO HI YES I LOVE HIM AND WILL INFOR DUMP ok so. he is a vigalantty and he got named daredevil and he is an orphan and after the age of 12 was raised in an orphanage at a Catholic church and his therapist is his priest via confession abd. also his mother is a nun he has a whole mental breakdown over god and called Job a pussy because he liked god until he got better and liked god again he said "I'm dearedrvil and not even god can stop that now" and he's so cool

matt is a freakish little babygirl who was raised by nuns and definitely has religious trauma. i hate him so much (affectionately)

he’s literally fucking insane about it i don’t know what to say here. he thinks he’s chosen by god to go on some sort of holy quest to save hell’s kitchen. joan of arc ass.

i already know hes in by default j just wanted to give him a personal shout out i love this angsty catholic dweeb

how practicing he is depends on the run, but in my favorite he is quite literally confessing to a member of the last extant order millitant who happens to be a priest at a church in hells kitchen.

i love him for having the funniest version of a trope i usually hate (person gets into confession booth and asks forgiveness not for what they've done, but for what they're about to do). usually this trope just looks silly to me bc like. the priest would just say "i can't do that" and you would have to either awkwardly explain yourself or just Leave. it's funny when matt does it because fr. lantom is probably like "what are you gonna do???" and matt's like "lol. lmao. 😊 hehehe." anyway we love this angry catholic man who dresses up like the devil to beat people up in hell's kitchen

Harrowhark

I'm pretty sure you've already got plenty of submissions for her so I'll just say she was raised in what is basically a cult (technically a nunnery but let's be real) dedicated to keeping the body of the thing that will kill God behind the rock. One of their prayers is actually "I pray the rock is never rolled away". Harrow is extremely devout as penance for her earlier heretical actions in the tomb as a child (spoiler!) so the Catholic guilt really comes through

imagine being a catholic nun and you meet god, but it turns out he’s a twitch streamer from new zealand who became god because everything got a little bit out of hand. and just before you met him you gave yourself a diy grief-fuelled lobotomy with the help of your best frenemy. imagine how insane you’d be. now multiply that insanity by nine. that’s the fictional love of my life right there.

she meets god. she’s not inspired

she’s number one practitioner of space Catholicism. The locked tomb is chock full of Christian (catholic) imagery themes metaphors etc. just look at her she’s got a bone rosary

They're Catholicism with extra bones. Everyone is a nun. They have what is basically a rosary made from knuckle bones. They technically worship the same God as everyone else, but they're waaaay more focused on The Body in the Tomb (Mary) and we get a moment where we find out that while everyone else prays the equivilent of The Lords Prayer, they're doing the equivilent of Hail Mary. And they paint their faces with skulls.

She thinks leaving dry bread in a drawer is taking care of someone. She's in love with a 10,000 year old corpse (the same one they worship). She spent ALL NIGHT digging with her bare hands to make sure a field had bones every 5 feet so she could fight her girlfriend - I mean, greatest enemy. Spoiler territory: She's been puppeting her parents corpses since she was 8 years old. Instead of grieving her dead girlfriend, she gives herself a lobotomy. She makes soup with bone in it so she can use the bone IN THEIR STOMACH to try and kill them.

The author is/was Catholic and the entire series had heavy Catholic overtones. https://www.tor.com/2020/08/19/gideon-the-ninth-young-pope-and-the-new-pope-are-building-a-queer-catholic-speculative-fiction-canon/ A good breakdown of how it's Catholic

#matt murdock #daredevil #marvel #Harrowhark Nonagesimus #The Locked Tomb #cct polls #tumblr tournament #tumblr bracket #tumblr polls

[mm-275]

MILES MORALES HEADCANNONS

Request: nope

tw: some cuss words

- You would probably have had to have asked him out first, cause I know everything that happened with Gwen and when he flirted with her, scarred him.

- If you asked him out, honestly good for you cause he would’ve taken literally forever to do it himself 😭

- Butttt, if he asked you out, he took FOREVER to even think about talking to you, let alone asking you out on a date.

- This boy is so incredibly bad with saving up his money. He was able to do it the first few dates, but don’t get used to it because most dates will be on his roof or in his or your rooms (you don’t mind because he makes it fun)

- You guys get into a good flow of a relationship pretty quickly, and if you have classes with him, the teachers hate you guys so much (it’s his fault he’s throwing stuff at you) 

- He would never rush you in anything, so any “major” steps in the relationship will probably have to be initiated by you (hand holding, first kiss, etc etc)

- But you were never made aware of this, so on the like 5th date you’re like “wtf why won’t he hold my hand”

- He just doesn’t know how a relationship works (we know his mom would murder him if he got a girlfriend), so please help him out he’s clueless 😭

- When you meet his parents, Rio and Jeff think your great (you have the decency to call them Mr & Mrs Morales), and you brought Rio some flowers (you bugged Miles for WEEKS to get him to find out her favorite flower)

- They do question you thoroughly, not to be rude, they wanna make sure you’re a good influence and that you care (I love Gwen but Miles had to have had so much patience I would kick her out the SECOND she put her shoes on my bed)

- Reassure them that you don’t want to nor that you’ve ever done drugs/gotten drunk, and it’s even better if you get good grades.

- They probably invited you to stay for dinner, and you devour Rio’s food (cause I can smell that she cooks like a goddess) and if you ask her to teach you to cook she’s in love and she will make you hang out with her more than you hang out with Miles.

- I think Jeff would be a little less trusting, I mean, he’s a cop so he knows shit that goes down in the streets (he followed you around once or twice when he saw you and Miles walking somewhere together)

- When you wanna take Miles to meet your parents, he’s fucking terrified. He forgets everything and runs everything by you 4x to make sure

- “Does this outfit look good?” “Miles, it’s fine my parents don’t care that much” “I don’t like this shirt hold on-”

- Wears his nicest clothes and shoes he can find, and makes sure to bring your mom her favorite flowers (this is his payback for your weeks and weeks of asking him about his mom)

- He seems like the type of kid that parents love, so he leaves with your parents loving him (he checks 3x a week if they still like him)

- I don’t think he has a big type, I think he’s cool with whatever as long as your personalities click (he’s a thigh guy I stand by that)

- Whatever classes you guys don’t have together, he will walk you to yours. Don’t try to stop him, he will not listen. He will, however, be late to his own class because he did want to hold your hand down the hallway.

- He’s so terrified to tell you about him literally being spiderman, and when he does tell you, you dont believe him, then he pulls out his suit and climbs on the wall and you’re like wtf (like the tom holland spiderman scene)

- Will sneak into your room/sneak you into his room at night because he’s lonely and he loves you (especially before you meet parents)

- Says I love you first, but does it without realizing it because he’s been thinking it, but it slips out and he doesn’t realize it until you react to it.

-----------------------------

pt. 2 is up but tumblr hates me and wont let me link anything

#miles morales #miles morales x reader #miles morales x you #across the spiderverse #into the spider verse #spiderman #x reader #miles morales headcanons #headcannons

[avelera]

Mostly buried this in the tags of my next OFMD meta reblog down from this post but…. I don’t think Ed is going to apologize for his Kraken era and I don’t think the narrative is going to demand that he does.

I saw a couple posts expressing eagerness for Ed’s inevitable “apology tour” after he wakes up and I just fundamentally don’t think that’s going to happen. I could easily be wrong. But at most I think we might get a few mumbled, shamefaced apologies. If you expect him to grovel before Lucius and the crew, imo, that’s just not going to happen and here’s why:

- the narrative morality of OFMD has NEVER been encouraging its characters to become “good” people. The story is about finding love and acceptance during a midlife crisis. It’s about following your bliss. The highest moral demand it makes of its characters is to be true to themselves, not to become Good People. It’s a pirate comedy. It doesn’t care about murder. It cares about being true to yourself and your desire to be a pirate. Everything goes well when people follow their bliss. It falls apart when narrative defining main characters like Stede or Ed do what they think they should do instead of what makes them happy.

- Emotional pain has always been more important, more impactful, than physical pain in the show. Ed’s bad behavior (to put it lightly) was an expression of his emotional pain. Simply put, the narrative isn’t going to ask him to apologize for his emotional pain.

- Stede, the main driver of the narrative, DOES apologize because his actions led to Ed’s emotional pain (in his mind) and again, narrative pain is weighted more than physical pain in this show. Also, life is cheap, if you’re not a main character. This is still a pirate story. Murder is not treated as a sin.

- Ed is proud. Taika is proud. Both rightfully so one would argue, they’ve accomplished a great deal. Ed’s got a bit of Taika in that, actually more than a bit. It’s clear Taika puts a lot of himself into Ed. My gut tells me that Ed/Taika is just not going to grovel an apology. That’s just not his style. Mumbled self-conscious apologies because he feels he should is one thing. But deep sincere apology tours? Not gonna happen. He won’t abase himself like that (Ed OR Taika)

- The person he arguably hurt most directly, Izzy, hurt Ed IMMENSELY at the end of S1. Arguably more than Lucius, the majority of whose pain came from what happened after he was pushed overboard. But Izzy Ed personally tortured, and he did it because Izzy threatened to murder Ed if Ed didn’t climb back into the suffocating closet of Izzy’s expectations for him. Ed is not going to apologize to Izzy. Izzy got exactly what he deserved in physical pain after the emotional pain he dealt Ed, narratively speaking.

- I’m not talking real world morals, to be clear. Or even what the various Izzy or Ed fans THINK the other deserves, where the fans think the fault truly lies and who owes what to whom.

- What I’m saying is, in the OFMD world where emotional pain matters more than physical maiming, the narrative isn’t going to ASK Ed to apologize to Izzy for maiming him after what Izzy did at the end of S1 and Izzy getting his comeuppance for it. And that’s because they hurt each other equally, emotionally. They’re even now. Izzy lashed out and emotionally destroyed Ed during a vulnerable moment. Ed took his leg. They’re done. The way forward is for them to separate and get their toxicity out of each others life or find a new way forward with new understanding of each other as they become entirely new people after their respective ordeals. But as far as the pain they’ve dealt each other, there’s no debt. They’ve both hurt each other beyond the point of apology being anything but a false display.

Again, I could be totally wrong. Joke’s on me if ep. 4 opens with Ed on his knees crying and apologizing to everyone he hurt. But I just cannot picture that happening. And I don’t think OFMD is the kind of story that will demand it.

#ofmd #ofmd spoilers #ofmd meta #our flag means death #Ed teach

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

I really really loved the Asexual!Tav x Astarion fic. I felt so seen. I have read my good share of smut (there is no shame in a good smut fic, even as an ace) but this? This made me feel so many things. I loved it. As for the oneshot/headcanon ideas... Maybe Asexual!Tav wanting to find something sexy to wear for themselves (because damn right, ace people can wear sexy clothes and look amazing doing so) or just Tav and Astarion being silly together. But! Don't feel obligated to write about these! I just wanted you to know that this fic... I have never went to Ao3 so fast to read the last chapter.

Thank you so much! I can't tell you how much it warmed my heart to real this. It genuinely means a lot.

These are both great prompts which I would love to get too eventually. I don't have it in me to write a one-shot right now, but I will gladly spew some random Asexual!Tav and Astarion being silly together.

Astarion x AsexaulBard!Tav Masterlist

Okay, I feel like I need to say it, but after Ace!Tav and Astarion are officially together the flirting only gets worse

Like before there was an agenda; Astarion was testing the waters of their interest while Tav was playing along, enjoying the attentions while not wanting to give a fully false impression

Now with the air clear they're free to flirt because it's just fun

There are no expectations except to make the other laugh or possibly blush

It drives the rest of the party insane

Astarion: If you're looking for inspiration my love, you can always write me a sonnet; something about my eyes shining like diamonds in the moonlight. Tav: Cliche and over done. Besides, how could I compare them to anything less than the brightest ruby illuminated by dragonfire. Astarion: Oh, do go on.

Also feel the need to clarify that this Tav grew up on the streets and so has come to the conclusion that stealing from the rich is okay

They have very willingly played to a crowd of merchants, allowing for Astarion to rob them blind

Astarion: *presents them with a necklace* Tav: Please don't tell me you spent money on this. Astarion: Not at all. I got it at a wonderful five finger discount. Tav: In that case, I accept.

If they ever attend a party and Ace!Tav isn't performing, you can find them near the buffet table

I've said before in previous headcanons, I don't think Astarion is one for dancing; he's become more open to it after he and Tav get together, but there is a difference between a private lesson with his love and being in public

This leads him to make the rounds gathering as much gossip as he can before reporting back to Tav

Meanwhile Tav, once starving bard/artist, will never turn down free food and will stay planted at the buffet table the entire night; plus you know the best gossip comes from the wait staff

Basically they're a couple of messy bitches who are obsessed with the tea and yes are, in fact, talking about you

That all being said, Tav is still the moral compass; help kids when you can, only steal from those who can afford it, avoid murder if possible etc, its the pettiness they indulge it

Certainly they're a theatrical couple, prone to distracting banter and petty theft, but it's plain enough to see how deeply they care about each other

#astarion #astarion x tav #astarion x reader #asexual!tav #asexual!reader #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #baldur's gate iii #asexual #bard!tav #astarion x ace!tav #i want it all #astarion bg3 #astarion baldur's gate #astarion x evie

[inamindfarfaraway]

The Morality of Mabel and Dipper Pines

Warning: Dipper Levels of Overanalysis Ahead

I’d like to make it clear at the start that I love both of these characters equally and they’re both good people, just in different ways. But I’ve seen a lot of criticism of Mabel’s flaws and less of Dipper’s, so I’d like to contribute to the discussion of their respective characters by exploring a divide between them I haven’t seen talked about much.

Mabel really wants to be a moral person. She places a lot of intrinsic worth in the concepts of ethics, like kindness and fairness and the wellbeing of others. Being a bad person could be considered her worst fear. It’s definitely up there with her other greatest fears of losing her relationship with Dipper and the inevitability of change, and those fears developed later largely in response to Ford and the baggage he brought with him.

Dipper just doesn’t care about that as much. That isn’t to say he’s a bad person! He's compassionate, selfless, brave and unquestionably heroic by the end of the show. They both are. But it sticks out to me how differently they think about ethics. For example, Dipper literally kills Wax Sherlock Holmes, while Mabel is so averse to hurting someone’s feelings that she can’t bear to break out of a false, one-sided relationship with Gideon until Dipper's life is at stake. You see what I’m getting at here? But I have more evidence! Buckle up, this is gonna get long.

Compare how they treat their rivals, Pacifica and Robbie. These are ordinary humans with no real authority over them who, age and class gaps aside, they're basically on even footing with in confrontations, so this is a good metric for how aggressive they are when upset and how much they hold grudges in mundane situations.

In “Irrational Treasure”, Mabel is deeply hurt by Pacifica’s mockery to the point of giving up her silly identity, and sets out to prove her wrong that she can be competent. But at the end, when presented with the opportunity to destroy the Northwest family’s fake prestigious legacy that they use to justify putting others down, she declares, “I’ve got nothing to prove” and lets it go. She’s secure in herself. Her motivation is satisfied. Why bother putting more pain and strife into the world? It’s Dipper, who has been only been hurt by proximity to Mabel, who insists on exposing the truth specifically to spite Pacifica and takes away that “Man, revenge is underrated. That felt awesome!” Revenge is arguably a form of justice, especially in this sense of revealing an unfair lie, but still, he takes great pleasure in bringing an enemy down for the sake of it, not to fix the damage they did.

In “Fight Fighters”, Dipper’s vindictive streak returns. He manipulates the ridiculously powerful Rumble McSkirmish into brutally beating up Robbie on the fraudulent charge of murder, threatening Robbie’s life. He didn’t realize Rumble would try to kill Robbie, but he was fine with him severely injuring him. Rumble is a fighting game character, a superpowered master martial artist. Robbie is a normal fifteen-year-old. This is not a sportsmanlike matchup. By the end Dipper learns his lesson and takes responsibility, but so does Mabel about hurting people to try to have a perfect life and people still complain about that!

In “The Golf War”, Mabel is again the twin with a bone to pick with Pacifica, but Dipper takes her rivalry more seriously than her and is more willing to be mean about it. He encourages her to cheat when she doesn’t want to, justifying it because Pacifica is “cheating at life”. Understandable, but still underhanded. While Mabel bonds and buries the hatchet with her rival by the end, outright declaring their rivalry to be stupid, Dipper holds onto it, refusing to forgive Pacifica at all and disapproving of Mabel's offer to give her a ride home afterward despite the pouring rain and her absent parents. He still wholeheartedly considers her “the worst” (and tells her so to her face) at the beginning of “Northwest Mansion Mystery”, even though he saw her and Mabel help and protect each other in their fight against the Lilliputtians and Pacifica thank Mabel and accept her apology.

In “The Love God”, Mabel’s compassion is on full display. She makes it apparent that she wants everyone she knows to be happy, to the point of making a chart to show her friends’ feelings with stickers, and goes out of her way to help Robbie just because she doesn’t think any human being should be so lonely and sad. Dipper initially has no sympathy for Robbie’s misery and sees the twins and his old friends leaving him to rot as a good thing.

Dipper just invests more emotionally into hating people and is more willing to play dirty. Mabel prefers to see the best in people, forgive, deescalate conflict and turn enemies into friends whenever possible, and has more respect for honour and sportsmanship.

Compare the insecurities they highlight in "Society of the Blind Eye". These could have been their last words spoken with their memories of the summer, so they are fully candid and vulnerable.

Mabel confesses, “I only love some of my stuffed animals and the guilt is killing me!” She reprimands herself for not having sincere affection for all the people in her life… who are inanimate objects, hence this being a joke about how immature and overly sentimental she is. But she’s telling the truth! Not being honest about your feelings toward someone who loves you (as toys are assumed to love their kids) is wrong. It’s something a bad, or at least flawed, person would do. We also know that it’s something Mabel can do with real consequences - she loves Dipper unconditionally, but her frequent teasing of him instead of letting this on damages his self-esteem more than she intends and often realizes - and when she does realize as in “Little Dipper”, she’s ashamed of herself. Her guilt is that she’s failing morally, that she hurts the people around her despite her good intentions.

Dipper admits, “Sometimes I use big words and don’t actually know what they mean. I mean, I’m supposed to be the smart guy! If I’m not the smart guy, then who am I?” He primarily thinks of his worth in terms of competence. Dipper is generally not that confident, at this point in time. He has an intense drive to prove his worth. He is acutely aware of his physical and social shortcomings. But the one thing he knows that he does well is analytical, deductive and strategic thinking, and so to always have value he’s built his entire identity around being particularly intelligent. He’s the planner, the mastermind, the guy with the specialized knowledge and important big words who people have no choice but to respect and listen to, because a lifetime of loneliness besides Mabel has taught him that given a choice, they probably won’t. Except just like Mabel’s all-loving attitude, there’s an element of performance. He doesn’t know everything; he’s inherently irrational to a degree like everyone else. So he tries to seem smarter than he is. His guilt is that he’s failing intellectually and practically, that he isn’t contributing enough to be worth something.

This is where Dipper diverges. He wants to be ethically good less than he wants to be good AT things, and respected for it. But they both beat themselves up when they don’t live up to their self-assigned archetypes of All-Loving Hero and The Smart Guy, when they aren’t good enough by their own unreasonably high standards.

"The Last Mabelcorn" deconstructs Mabel’s fixation on her moral perfection. Celestabellabethabelle, who I will henceforth call C-Beth for short, manipulates it to keep her out of the unicorns’ way. She makes manifest Mabel’s fear that she isn’t good enough no matter what she does. We see Mabel push herself further and further to try to prove herself, much like Dipper in episodes like “Dipper vs Manliness”, and emotionally unravel until she’s miserable, self-loathing and openly listing her vices in a way never seen before. But this isn’t productive! Wallowing in shame doesn’t motivate her to be better! She needs to learn that although she isn’t perfect, the virtues she has are good enough to work with to both get out and kick C-Beth out of her head. She decides to stop worrying about meeting an impossible ideal of goodness and just focus on doing good, by using efficient (if violent, and therefore immoral under certain paradigms) methods to protect her family. Her plot in this episode has its detractors and I understand the criticisms that the message wasn’t handled as well as it could have been. But I think it does okay. Mabel definitely reevaluates her need to feel like a good person here. She switches from prioritizing what’s important to her, the validation of being "pure of heart", to what’s important to others and in the bigger picture, simply getting the unicorn hair to keep Bill out of the Mystery Shack.

Finally, compare the twins’ disastrous errors in judgement in “Scary-Oke” and “Dipper and Mabel vs the Future”, when they both accidentally unleash terrible forces of evil upon the town and set in motion a local apocalypse.

Dipper recites an incantation from Journal 3 that causes the dead to rise as bloodthirsty zombies, desperate to prove to the government agents before they leave that the supernatural is real and warrants their help investigating, driven by both his desire for knowledge (his tool to feel secure in himself) and more immediately his fear of being dismissed as unworthy. He is emotionally vulnerable, but still creates the dangerous situation on his own initiative. Since he doesn’t need a blacklight to read the spell and the beginning of the episode established that he’s already familiar with all Journal 3’s visible entries, he knows what the spell would do. He doesn’t realize how many zombies will appear and how dangerous they’ll be. But he is aware that there are risks. Plus, the Shack is hosting a party full of innocent civilians and Mabel has explicitly asked him not to interfere with weirdness. The one thing she told him not to do that night was raise the dead! And what does he do? Raises the dead.

Mabel is actively deceived and manipulated into giving who she believes to be Blendin Blandin, an expert in time-altering technology, what she believes to be an item of such technology, with the intention of warping time to extend the summer for the town. This is a selfish choice. But on top of how emotionally compromised she is, sobbing in despair after “the worst day of [her] life”, consider her internal logic: the end of summer is going to mean the trials and tribulations of growing up for both her and Dipper, and they won’t even have each other if he gets his way; Wendy is already going through that and has told her how awful high school is; she overheard at least some of the Stans’ conversation at the end of “A Tale of Two Stans”, meaning she might know that Stan will have to give up his home and business once the summer is over; and she and Dipper both have true friends here who they will miss and be missed by, as opposed to their memories of Piedmont where we only see them supporting and comforting each other and never hear of any friends. And it isn’t like she’s the only one having fun! Stan is happier than ever, Ford is back home, Dipper’s come into his own more than she could ever have anticipated. He’ll still get to delve into the mysteries of this town that he loves so much. But she’ll be there too. If you want more Gravity Falls, you can see where she’s coming from. She genuinely thinks that “just a little more summer” would be a positive experience for everyone, with plenty of good reason. Yes, she’s recklessly messing with powerful forces that she doesn’t understand. Yes, she isn’t nearly as suspicious of this sudden miracle solution as she should be. But she has no evidence that this would harm anyone.

Their responses after making their mistake are also noteworthy. They’re both horrified and remorseful. But Dipper expresses no concern for the agents for the rest of the episode when it looks like they’ve been killed due to his actions. He even nonchalantly remarks that he thought they were dead when he sees them again. Mabel, however, reaches to stop Bill and begs him to “wait” before he knocks her unconscious. Then she’s imprisoned in Mabelland, which is designed to make her never want to leave and based on how it only occurs to her after she renounces it that the neon colours and repetitive background music are too much even for her, may additionally have a direct, if subtle, influence on her mind. So she’s a little distracted from her guilt. But by risking her life to fix the repercussions of her actions and save the town, she shows much more responsibility for the townspeople’s lives than Dipper showed for the agents he’d tried so hard to impress. He just happily went about his business for weeks believing he had two people’s deaths on his conscience. Never even looked into whether they survived.

These differences in their personal moral philosophies add another layer to the parallels between the two generations of Pines twins. Typically, Dipper parallels Ford and Mabel parallels Stan. But less so here! Like Mabel, Ford very staunchly believes in abstract moral theory, namely that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. He holds a grudge for weeks against Stan saving him from being lost in the dimensions through the portal, because it endangered the rest of the world by creating the Rift. It was a good deed with good intentions… but it didn’t only make life better for everyone. To Ford, that means it isn’t good enough. Hmm, which younger twin has a problem with judging anything short of ‘pure good’ to not be worthwhile? Also like Mabel, Ford’s self-righteousness is often hypocritical, considering his pride, selfishness and willingness to disregard the possible negative consequences of his actions, e.g. trusting Bill and building the portal in the first place.

Like Dipper, Stan is willing and ready to use underhanded methods to win against his enemies, to lie, cheat, steal and leverage assets he doesn’t really have the right to. He’s more inclined to be aggressive, spiteful and smug. As for holding grudges, even to an unreasonable extent, he personally despised a nine-year-old child even before he knew that the child was a bad person. He would absolutely summon Rumble McSkirmish to attack a rival for him. He prides himself on his cunning, another form of intelligence, and prioritises being good at what he does best over holding the moral high ground. He is shown to have lifelong insecurities about Ford being better than him in other fields (and thus explicitly valued more by their father); so his pragmatism is his way of trying to always be useful to the people he loves, and indeed a key way he shows them his love.

#gravity falls #mabel pines #dipper pines #pines twins #gravity falls analysis

[david-talks-sw]

George Lucas & Karen Traviss' visions of Star Wars are NOT the same...

So whenever I come across this image:

I keep in mind that it's from a book written by Karen Traviss, who is a brilliant author (I adored Legacy of the Force: Bloodlines and Sacrifice) but whose stance on Anakin, Yoda & the Jedi and Star Wars morality is this:

As opposed to George Lucas' stance on Anakin, Yoda & the Jedi and Star Wars' morality, which is this:

In a children's story about Light and Dark, good and evil, selflessness vs selfishness, George Lucas marks the Empire as absolutely evil and the Rebels as absolutely good, in the Original Trilogy.

In the Prequels, the situation is more complex (the Jedi are drafted into a war and forced to do things they know they shouldn't be doing, but have to for the greater good; the Sith bring about order to a corrupt government) but the morality stays the same... the selfish, greedy Sith are absolutely evil and the selfless, compassionate Jedi are absolutely good.

That's George's thesis.

And, as a character, Yoda's function is to deliver that thesis. It's no wonder why Lucas treats Yoda's words as absolutely correct:

Yoda is Lucas' mouthpiece in the Prequels, his self-insert.

George Lucas' narrative frames Yoda as objectively right.

So when Karen Traviss questions the Jedi, particularly Yoda's character and wisdom, she's disagreeing with George Lucas' thesis.

Which is fair. Traviss, is a different person than Lucas, she's an ex-journalist with a more "grey" view of the world and a different philosophy re: fiction aimed at children. "Death of the author" and all that. Again, fair enough.

And if you like Travis' interpretation and philosophy more than George's, if her read resonates with you more... also fair enough.

But the EU is not a reliable source on Lucas' vision.

I've talked about this in MUCH more detail here, but if you do care about George Lucas' vision, then maybe don't draw from the Expanded Universe, which includes content written by authors who expressly disagree with him, like Traviss.

Sounds logical, but for some reason people will read the above-posted Dooku quote and treat it as reflective of Lucas' vision, when it's not the case.

George Lucas' Dooku doesn't have an issue with Yoda or the Jedi (at least not openly, as Darth Tyranus, the Sith Lord he wants them all dead). Dooku's issue is with the Senate and the Republic.

George Lucas specifically added that most Jedi share Dooku's concerns. Before he's revealed to be a mass-murdering, Sith who enslaves neutral systems, the Jedi think he makes a good point and are even reluctant to consider him a murder suspect.

But let's not start saying that Lucas' Prequels are meant to be about "the Jedi's failure" and "Dooku being right that the Jedi are corrupt.

Because that's not the case.

If that's how you see them, great. It's certainly how Traviss saw them. To each their own, authorial intent be damned.

But it's not what they were about, to Lucas. Stating the contrary is... I dunno, lying? Rewriting history?

It's as if I got hired to write a Lord of the Rings prequel seen from Gandalf's POV. And y'know what, maybe I don't like Gandalf. So I write him as a scheming asshole going “myahahahah, fuck hobbits! I’m gonna let them keep the One Ring so a bunch Nazgûl will swoop through the Shire and murder them!” and suddenly, everyone starts writing posts about the notion that “Growing up is realizing that Tolkien always intended for Gandalf to be the secret villain of LOTR!” as if that had always been the case and I didn't just reframe him that way retroactively.

Finally, I'd also encourage you to read @rendar-writes' well-made point here about the fact that, while claiming she "doesn't give the answers", Traviss nonetheless shows a clear anti-Jedi bias.

#There’s a difference between interpreting the story the way you want to #and saying that your interpretation’s is what the author originally intended to convey #star wars #george lucas #karen traviss #anakin skywalker #jedi order #dooku #meta #collection of quotes #lucas quotes #expanded universe

[themadlu]

Do Not Open That Door

Astarion is sure his leader's unflinching morals will lead him to another unwanted grave. He is also sure she is putting on an act because people like her do not exist, clearly. He decides to test his assumptions.

TW: None I think

WC: ~3000 words

Tagging: @spacebarbarianweird for the encouragement!

Astarion is livid. Well, maybe livid was an overstatement—he is annoyed. Annoyed and confused. Such feelings are still a vast improvement over the fear and shame he's been accustomed to, but they make him restless nonetheless. 

Especially because their cause is walking steadily next to him without a care in the world for his inner turmoil. 

Zélie, their oh so great leader, has managed to spoil what could have been a perfectly enjoyable afternoon on multiple fronts. First, she decides to talk to the goblins ambushing them instead of treating them like the savages they are.

(“We don’t know how many of them are in this village Astarion. What if there’s a little army and we’re outnumbered?”)

After confirmation that there were, in fact, quite a few goblins (and a couple orcs to boot), she managed to get free passage through the village by leveraging their wriggly alien parasite. He isn’t happy about it. Not at all. 

He has to begrudgingly admit hers was a wise call after witnessing just how large and hungry those orcs were. And of course they even agree to help a fellow true soul in need. Just what he needs to undermine what little influence he has on her.

(Her blood is in his body after all.)

In the last tendays she had made it her mission to remind him how despicable murder is, under most circumstances, aside from self-defence. This beautifully idiotic mindset of hers almost got her killed twice in front of his very eyes.

(She doesn’t know he has taken to finish off the enemies she leaves unconscious while she isn’t watching.)

When he had pointed out the suicidal flaw in her morals, she had given him her signature scolding look, crossed her arms, and started breathing in that funny way of hers. 

In, hold, out. 

(She says she is not trained as a monk, but he’ll be even more damned than he already is if that is true. The way she fights and holds herself—and those sickening ideals she has—tell a different story.) 

“Honestly, darling,” he hisses at her as they walk through the village, squinty eyes trained on their every move. “I thought we agreed that benevolence and honour,” he spits the words out like a curse, “get you nowhere but to an early grave.”

“Astarion,” she always says his name when she speaks to him—even in annoyance— and he hates his constant surprise at hearing it. His elven name had been replaced with other titles over time, more befitting of his status—boy, spawn, whore, slut, beautiful, toy, love…

Truly, it’s a small miracle he managed to hold on to his name. It’s one of the few things left that are truly his, yet hearing it spoken from that solemn woman's lips makes something in his chest preen. 

“I thought we agreed to disagree on that front. No, don’t give me that look. Killing someone is never justifiable. No matter what we tell ourselves, we are taking away something that wasn’t ours to begin with. Something irreplaceable. Even—” she held up her hand as he started to complain, “in self-defence, even then, I will make sure to exhaust all alternatives, and even then, it will be a failure on my part.”

You moron. 

“Too bad the rest of the world doesn’t think like you, darling,” he snapped. Hers was an act. There was no way in the hells anyone could survive to their…whatever age she was, he was never good with human lifespans, with that mindset. It was ridiculous, because if she actually was like that—if two–hundred years of shit didn’t teach him better—she should either be dead in a ditch or have ascended to godhood on her saintly behaviour alone. The only explanation he has for her standing close to him is that the mask she wears is as fake as his own. That, or she is a child of Ilmater. He bets on the former, given her complete ignorance of any deity on Toril.

“But you lied,” he counters, snapping his fingers. “You said we are here on Absolute business. Doesn’t that go against your precious code of honour?” he singsongs in her ear. 

“I didn’t lie. My tadpole reacted to theirs, and they drew their own conclusions. Technically, we are going to their camp on Absolute business too, if you count removing these,” she tapped her index to her temple. 

He smirks, victorious. “Circumstantial. One day, the tadpole won’t do the work for us and you’ll break your own code or doom us to death. For one, I’d rather not repeat the experience,” he says in a quiet voice, pointing at his chest. 

Their companions are still unaware of his condition—another occasion his holy leader conveniently withheld information. 

(“It’s your secret, it’s your decision.” Hypocrite.)

“Astarion, I know you take me for a fool, and I would normally pay more respect to a man—elf—my senior by centuries, but really. I can be practical and have a moral compass, and that means that when the choice is between lying and killing, I will pick lying any day, even if I don’t like it.” 

Enough. 

Her words incense him, annoyance suddenly turns into rage and something else—what’s that, envy?—he pivots on his left heel and closes the distance between them so fast she has no time to react. Zélie is left pinned to the wall, their bodies a breath away from touching, and he internally celebrates the surprised look on her face. 

He stares at her down his nose, ducking his head and planting a slender hand on the wall beside her head. 

Astarion has to make her stop before he tears her self-righteousness out of her throat. Before she realises how useless it all is—how useless and tainted he is—and either stakes him or banishes him. Because even her sickly, do-gooding self, fake or real it be, must have limits. If he pushes hard enough, they’ll crumble, and then he’ll be proven right. She is not what she says she is because creatures like that aren’t real.  

“Let’s make one thing clear, darling,” he growls, nostrils flaring, “you may be our great leader, but you should get off your high horse before someone shoots you off it. I don’t know what perfect little corner of the universe you grew up in, but you know nothing of this world and its dangers.” 

He flashes his fangs at her to drive his point across. The others are out of sight, looking for supplies in some ruin or cellar. Gods, he misses the city. 

Zélie is staring back at him, bristling, but lets him continue. She never interrupts any of them, not even him.

“I thought humans were all about developing and living fast, but you, my dear, are as ignorant as a babe. I am trying to make sure we keep our collective hides safe and do not get sidetracked by other pitiful creatures on our path.” 

He realises just how close he is to her when she straightens up again and their noses almost touch. 

Pale eyes go darker with a flash of anger. 

There. Come at me. Prove me right. 

“Spoken like a true man of the law, lord magistrate.” 

Why the hells is her tone so collected when she has a literal vampire at her throat?!

“You seem forgetful, so I’ll remind you that it was my ignorance that stopped Shadowheart from connecting her mace with your head. And it was my stupidity that convinced her you could join us, and that we should give you a chance at trust.” 

She makes no move to get closer, but he recoils as if scorched by fire. 

“And it is the same trust I placed in you yesterday when I let you bite me, even though it’s not how I envisioned a night of rest to go. I trusted you to stop, I trusted you to keep your word and not leave me a corpse.”

There it is. Reminding him of what he owes her. Of his debts. They say the quiet ones are the most depraved, and she is the strong and silent type. But he is nothing if not an expert in the art of subservience at this point, and if it gets her to keep giving him blood and protection—

“I trust you.” 

Then you’re doomed.

She says it as if it were a challenge. Her gaze is unwavering and he is left speechless yet again. Cazador would admire this quality of hers.

“I hope you can trust me in return.”

Impossible woman. 

“Well, I suppose you’re not wholly incompetent,” he manages to croak out. His nonchalant mask is harder to slip on this time. 

She huffs a breath of a laugh, a tiny thing, but it’s enough to transform her whole face. The weight she carries on her deceivingly flimsy shoulders seems to lift, leaving behind a young woman smiling softly at a…well, a monster. Talk about inexperience. 

Happiness suits you, little leader. 

The fact it’s his prattling that caused this marvel of a transformation stokes something in chest and in the pit of his stomach that he promptly pushes down. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Zélie says. She moves away and he is left staring at the crusty wall. Her body never touched his own during their exchange. 

Wait. That’s wrong. He was meant to make her see the reason in his ways, not the other way around. So why is he at her heels like a lost puppy the minute she walks away? 

(“You are nothing by yourself boy. You owe everything to me.”)

He is weak. So weak he has leashed himself to a human who can barely read common, fuck's sake. 

His temper rises again once he catches up with Zélie. He doesn’t need her condescension, nor her chiding (she doesn’t even know his full story yet, nor she ever will unless absolutely necessary, so pity isn’t there yet). He’ll show the wretched woman how wrong she is. 

Karlach and Lae’zel jog behind them as they reach a barn with a door locked shut. Zélie thinks nothing of it at first, but Astarion can smell what’s inside.

(His senses born anew from her blood.)

He smells the ogre and bugbear and their horrid affair before the rest of his companions hear the grunts and noises.

“Oh God, someone’s fighting!” exclaims Zélie.

Fighting, you say?

An idea strikes him. 

See what your misplaced goodness gets you when you try to help an ogre.

“I don’t know soldier, they don’t sound like fight noises to me,” says Karlach leaning towards the barn, but even she seems unsure. Astarion’s talents may be limited to a specific area, but in this case it works in his favour. He is very familiar with what those sounds mean. The half-ogres that fucked him into the bed so hard he bled were not so different.

(He still remembers how much it hurt, how he was left in a puddle of mixed releases, sweat, and what little blood he had).

“Well, even if they are fighting, it is clearly not our problem. I say we leave them to it and focus on what’s really important,” he says, using his annoyance as a hook. Zélie may be the most restrained person he’s come across, but he knows how to read people, and he knows she will do the opposite of whatever he says when it concerns morals. 

She falls for it. His smile is harder to suppress.

“Astarion! We’ve just talked about this!” 

Her voice raises a bit, but it’s almost eclipsed by another loud grunt from inside the barn. 

“So long as my blade can be sharpened on my enemies’ bones, I am ready.” Lae’zel is almost as ignorant as Zélie when it comes to their world, which is usually a hindrance, but now it’s the push their little leader needs to run to the rescue. 

Zélie tries to open the barn door (after cutting another withering look at the vampire lazily strolling at her back), finding it jammed.

The crescendo of grunts and bangs coming from inside is extremely loud now. 

Gods, they must be disgusting. 

“Hello?! Help is on the way, hang on!” the little human shouts as she frantically tries to get the door unstuck. 

“Oh hells, let me do it, darling, before we turn into tentacled freaks,” Astarion says in mock-annoyance. She eyes him suspiciously and he shoots her a winning smile. His nimble hands make quick work of the lock, and he pushes the door open. 

He needs just a peek to know his assumption about what was happening in the barn is correct, and turns to face his now horror-stricken companion. 

“Gods, they are disgusting,” he comments with his lips crooked in a satisfied smile. 

Zélie scrambles to compose herself and turns her back from the scene (the prudish) as she fails to find words to explain herself. “I—I am, I apologise, we thought—”

Oh, she’s in a state. Her cheeks flush redder than rubies (he can practically hear her delicious blood pooling there), whilst the rest of her is paler than after Astarion’s feeding. She opens and shuts her eyes as if trying to physically erase what she just witnessed.

The bugbear slides his now soft cock out of the ogre, and looks at them in rage.

“W–what the hells are you doing?!”

Oh, Astarion is thrilled. He doesn’t remember when last had such fun. He hears Lae’zel’s tsk’ and Karlach’s gags behind him, and he closely watches Zélie fumbling as he didn’t think was possible. 

“Apologies! I, you—you were making a lot of noise and I, we, thought you needed help,” she holds her hands in front of her in a peace offering. “I apologise for the intrusion! We’ll leave now—”

“Ruined! SMASH. I’ll smash you!” 

Oh. Astarion didn’t expect that. He just wanted to show Zélie how ungrateful the world is to idiots like her, not have her turn into orc food. 

Before he can think, he is tackling the woman to the ground, the orc’s club crashing a few spaces to his left. Karlach and Lae’zel’s throw themselves at the aggressor, and the fight starts in earnest. Astarion is more a stalker than a fighter, but he had his first fill of human blood only hours before, and his senses have never been that sharp, so he doesn’t miss the bugbear rushing towards their prone form. 

Daggers at hand, he braces to parry the onslaught (this may hurt) when his worldview shifts, his back in on the ground, and chilly afternoon air replaces the heat of his leader on his chest. 

What just happened?

He turns his head to see the bugbear crashing to the ground, Zélie crouched on one leg and tripping him with her other. “Go help the others! I’ve got this!” she shouts, as she wraps her limbs around the assailant in a tight bind. “Wait! It was an honest mistake—”

He doesn’t want to hear her voice now. Doesn’t want to think how the little moron literally threw him away from danger. Even worse, he will refute the idea he protected her from an angry orc till his last breath. He only got his body back recently. That’s it. He still is unsure of how to use it. 

And she's dinner.

He doesn’t want to dwell on what happened, so he nods and throws himself at the female orc while she is distracted by his companions. 

The fight doesn’t last too long after that, and something takes a hold of his insides when he looks at Zélie. She is silent, staring at the large corpse on the ground, bugbear knocked out at her feet. 

“Darling?” He moves towards her and the sadness in her eyes almost makes him apologise. Gods, what has he done? He didn’t think this was going to happen. And why does he care?! This was his intent, this and seeing the real her behind the strong, polite facade. 

“I just wanted to help.”

“I know, darling. I—”

See now, how impossible it is to keep your ideals in this world?

“You knew,” she says, and while he words his excuses (the only real one being he didn’t think they were going to be attacked) her shoulders drop and a defeated huff leaves her mouth. A far cry from her happy smile earlier. 

Astarion can’t wrap his head around how he caused both reactions in such a short span of time. But this look on her, this, he knows. He has seen far worse in the eyes and screams of those fools he lured back to his master, once they had his way with him and realised a bit too late they were as trapped as he was. 

He expects her to shout, to berate him, kick him, punch him, stab him, banish him—but none of that comes. Zélie studies him intently, and something in her demeanour lights up, an internal judgement made.

“I still trust you.” 

No. No no no, he’s not going to let her fool him into believing this—no!

Her face is suddenly level with Astarion’s knees, the now-awake bugbear readying a strike. 

Astarion doesn’t need to think—he falls forward and sinks his dagger into the wretch’s neck. Blood spurts out, but after tasting Zélie’s Astarion has no interest in it; mud compared to a clear sky.

“Soldier!” shouts Karlach, ever the helpful friend. Zélie pants as the dead attacker slides off of her, eye to eye with Astarion again. He can feel her light breath on his face. Karlach pulls her up; he is cleaning his dagger on the bugbear’s clothes when an outstretched hand enters his vision. Hers.

“Come on,” she says, tired but steady again. “Let’s get back to camp.”

Astarion flinches from the hand as if it were a trap (it is always a trap), but Zélie is new territory for him, that much he begrudgingly accepts. She is apparently above the rules of their miserable world because she chooses to trust him, a vampire, a lying one, again. 

He takes her hand, bracing for what may come his way, but she just helps him up. 

“Thank you, by the way. For saving my life before.”

It’s a trick. It’s a trick. Don’t fall for—

She wraps her hand around his so delicately he thinks he may break, and shakes it. His thoughts and words are silenced yet again. 

“Thank you.” 

Fuck. 

#bg3 #astarion x oc #astarion x tav #oc: zélie #tav oc #astarion #astarion fanfiction #bg3 astarion #bg3 fanfiction #human tav #I still feel bad for the orc and bugbear

[romana-after-dark]

Room's on Fire: Girl on Fire

Dark!Santiago Garcia x Fem!Reader Dark!Francisco Morales x Fem!Reader Dark!William Miller x Fem!Reader Dark!Benjamin Miller x Fem!Reader

Also: FishBen, and an assortment of other M/M relationships (no Millercest). Everyone is Bisexual

Series Masterlist: Main Masterlist : MainTaglist

Spotify playlist

Summery: Everyone is together, everything is complete.

Warnings and Content:

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

DUB CON MOSTLY but there WILL BE NON CON. Major character deaths, forced breeding, physical abuse, brainwashing, manipulation, violence, gore, alcoholism/addiction, BIG OLE BLASPHEMY WARNING like this cult appropriates a lot of religious themes and they call reader their Madonna, Santi is called the Pope, like all that stuff. However, this is a cult so I mean. It happens. None of it are my thoughts on religion or meant to make fun of religion or demonize religious people. Disgusting views on virginity. Attempted rape outside the boys. T*m warning. Age gap. Creepy terrible men. Non-reader rape, dub con, violence. Covert incest, massive mommy issues, sexual abuse all around, past grooming by parental figure. no CSA but the victim isn't much older. some Bates Motel type shit. I cannot properly warn you for everything, without just telling the story but consider this a major warning that there are dark dark themes. No one involved here is morally clean, and who you perceive as the good guy cannot be relied on. Don't come to my story and say im romanticizing these things until at least the story ends.

WARNINGS HAVE BEEN UPDATED!!!

Extra warnings for chapter: Pregnancy, breeding kink, violent sex, domestic violence on a man, gunshots, references to murder,, death, torture, all the horrors. The end was disturbing even to me, so read with caution. If you find the end was too much, just ask me what happens and I'll tell you. not super plot important but like it was pointed out, the sex is how we see dynamic shifts. Mentions of mpreg fantesy but no mpreg will happen bc they arent actually god, just insane.

3.7k words

A/N: Some pov shifts. Madonna, Jonah, Rey, Santi all get POV's.

A.N2: context for song quote, Alicia wrote girl on fire after the birth of her son.

Support writers! Reblog and leave comments!

"She's on top of the world Hottest of the hottest girls say Oh, we got our feet on the ground And we're burning it down Oh, got our head in the clouds And we're not coming down This girl is on fire" ~ Girl On Fire, Alicia Keys

“It’s okay, you’re gonna do great.” Rey assured her, sitting on a table in the dressing room despite a chair being right there. His lanky legs liked to dangle, you noticed, or sometimes perch up in high places. He reminded you of a bird sometimes, lithe and graceful and seemed to float on his feet.

“What if they don’t like me? What if something happens? What if there’s another uprising or someone wants revenge on me because of my dad-”

“The people love you, and they were going to love you even more with this announcement. Jonah’s not going to let anything happen to you, you know that.”

Your face grows warm at the mention of Jonah. He had acted distant with you since the instance of Frankie and you on the horse, and wouldn’t let you see his face when he showed up the next morning with bruises. In fact, you’d hardly seen him at all. Rey was your primary guard, and Will had talked about moving your room to one with an attached room for Reyansh so that he could stay with you at all times. It seemed everyone knew Iris and Rey were an item, or at least they understood Reyansh was not a threat. You had begged Will not to switch around rooms. The reason given was that you liked your room, but really, you were hoping that you’d be moved into a room with one of your husbands. You weren’t visited by the incubus the night they all slept in your room.

Still, Jonah looked out for you. Under your dress right now was his bulletproof vest. 

A knock on the door.

“Come in.” Iris called to the door, still working on your hair.

Will entered the room. “Are you ready, Madonna?”

Before you opened your mouth, Iris replied. “You could use her real name, you know.”

Will didn’t look at her, keeping his eyes on you. “Her name is irrelevant, her position is everything.” When he turns and sees Reyansh, Will frowns. “What are you doing in here?”

Iris was quick to answer his unvoiced question. “He only came in after she was dressed.”

He instructs Reyansh to ready the carriage. Once he was out, Will turned to you with a smile. “You look stunning, Madonna.” Your heart swells with love for your handsome husband, dressed in his loose white shirt. In your hair, small white flowers adored you, carefully placed and worked in by Iris’s hands. She was incredible, making your dress too. It was colorful, with a color representing all four of your husbands. Under it, a bulletproof vest. No one in delta outside of guardsmen was allowed guns, but he wanted to be safe.

“Wow…” Will whispers, taking you in. There was just the slightest swell of a bump, you wondered if it was just weight gained from eating more these few months. Will took you into his arms kissing you deeply and feeling your stomach. Iris mumbles close enough as you’re pulled away. He turns back to her only a moment. “Make sure everything is ready when we’re back, please.”

Iris sighs, “It always is, Mr. Miller.”

*

Jonah cocked his gun. “Same as last time, honey. Anything happens, you come with me. Those guys can handle themself. I get hurt, do not stop for me. Just run. Someone will come find you, you just keep yourself alive, got it?” His brown eyes were on you for the first time in a long time, and you relaxed. Jonah’s eyes always calm you. It’s scary, knowing you were responsible for not just you, but someone else as well. The priestess stood at the balcony to the side, your husbands flanking you. Pope to your right, Francisco to your left, Ben to his left and Will to Popes right. Just as you were married.

“Men! Women! Children of Delta!” She shouts to the crown. “I present your Gods and your Madonna!” The crowd erupts into screams, and your heart fills with love for your people. “And!” A hush falls over the ground, waiting breaths quiet as they wait for the news. “I present to you, THE SAVIOR!”

The sound was deafening, a noise that shocked you and made you stumble back. To your surprise, Pope was behind you. It was a greater surprise when he rucked up your skirt.

Immediately your hands, out of instinct, go to bring the material down but his fingers quickly dig into your skin, warning you to behave. So, you stand there, humiliated, left hand gripping Francisco’s tighter. Pope loved you, he loved you and he’d never do something just to humiliate you! How stupid of you for feeling that way. This child was long prayed for, they and your body belonged to your husbands, belonged to Delta. Pope lifted your dress over the small bump,exposing your underwear to the crown. No one outside of your husband, a few house motherns and prefects had seen you in your underwear, so this was difficult…

But then Pope kissed your neck, and the worries melted away. Will, Francisco and Ben come to you, each placing a hand on your stomach as the priestess shouts, reaffirming that the savior’s parentage was of all four, that each of your husbands fathered this baby. You were called the vessel for their seed.

Then, you were placed on a tour. On a sitting carriage with all 4 of your husbands, you were paraded around to cheering people, the faces of women from your dormitory and even your room recognizable in the crowds. One woman whose bed was next to yours shot you a deadly glare as you passed by. She was mean, frequently detailing her escapades with Ben and throwing your own lack of attention in your face, but who was laughing now? Ben choose her for a short term fuck. You had a greater purpose.

When you reached the mansion again, the gates were crowded with people reaching out for you, and although there was fear as the mass of the crowd grew, there was also power. The savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned lay in your holy womb, you were the bringer of life. YOU were the divine mother.

The gunshot brought you back to reality.

*

“WILL!” You scream as your husband is shot backwards, stumbling into his brother’s arms who he shoved out of the way of the bullet. Jonah didn’t care about Will, however. He didn’t care about Ben falling at him brothers side under the weight. He didn’t even care about Francisco scrambling to grab at Ben in the chaos, and he certainly didn’t care about Santiago dragging Frankie away.

He cared about, sobbing in his arms desperately trying to get to your fallen love. Jonah wrapped an arm around you and pulled you away into the riotous, scampering crowd. You needed to get away from the shooter. 

“NO!” You bawl loudly. Howling that he’s dying, that you need to be with him, but Jonah didn’t give a shit about that prick. He calls to Reyansh, who jumped out of the carriage the second the gun goes off. It was intentional, having Rey at the helm with him; only Rey would care enough about you out of all the guardsmen that Jonah could depend on him. Into the madness, you wouldn’t stop screaming and that rainbow dress of yours was not helping the situation. 

“Rey! The tunic!” Jonah had to spin you around to disorient you enough to make you stop fighting in your hysteria, forcing your arms up while Rey slid a long, brown standard tunic over your body, making you blend into the neutral tones on the crown. Jonah clamped down over your mouth and pulled you away as the center of the shooting grew further away, Reynash covering you both. Once at the posting for a guard, Rey held you as Jonah mounted the steed and pulled you up, riding off with you.

*

You hadn't stopped sobbing for hours. Reyansh watched in concern, wanted so badly to comfort you lest the heaving and thrashing harm the baby or yourself. Rey loved children, he couldn’t wait for a day he could take Iris away and raise a family together, to finally be with her intimately and live a life with her. 

Even if children weren’t in the picture (Iris wanted one in theory, but was hesitant to bring one into this world, understandably.) he’d cherish a life growing old with his lover. Maybe they’d some orphaned child; Iris had a soft spot for children in need. Her maternal instincts are why, despite not wanting to be friends or even really know her, Iris took care of the girl. Iris had ten years on the naive child. Continuously, she had warned him about keeping his distance, not raising suspicion that anything was happening between him and the girl, but it wasn’t his fault she was damn delightful. However, despite her obvious beauty, talents and sweet demeanor, nothing compared to Iris.

Reyansh could wax poetry about her all day long, and often did. He barely had any free time, most of the pockets of time he had, Rey liked to help Iris with her Herculean tasks, the laundry and dishes like Sisyphus and the boulder. He couldn’t take away the fact the next day would be filled with more dishes, more wall washing, more cooking, but he’d gladly sacrifice an hour of sleep so she could gain one. With him at all times, however, was his notebook and pen. As he sat at a mount or perch Rey liked to try his hand at poetry and writing. 

Sometimes it was about the beauty of nature, the flowers he planted and gardens he kept, how they gave him joy during difficult times. Sometimes it was about the complex nature of family, of Iris and Jonah, Santiago and what he knew of Beatriz, which wasn’t much, the strained love and hatred between Will and Ben, or his own desire for fatherhood. Sometimes he wrote about the 5 lovers, the girl, the men who claimed to be gods, how each individual relationship strengthened them and weakened them in their own ways and how the girl changed things for better or for worse. Mostly, he just wrote about Iris, the prettiest flower he had.

He caught a glimpse of Jonah at the window, motioning him to come out. This safe house was his idea. Apparently, he and Marcus used to escape here sometimes.

Rey tries to tell you he’s stepping outside but you aren’t listening, curled up in a ball on the bed sobbing. He makes his exit.

Once outside, Jonah offers him a sip from his flask but Rey declines.

“I was going to ask how she is, but I can hear my answer.” The sound of you wailing penetrates the walls.

“How Will?”

“He’ll live, unfortunately.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.” Jonah sighs, lighting a cigarette. “Wish those fuckers would just die.”

There was a long pause, Reyansh thinking hard before saying what he was thinking. He didn’t defy or talk back to Jonah, he respected him as his superior and, for all intents and purposes, his father in law. But Jonah was flawed. “You’re the one with a gun, Jonah”

Jonah inhaled a long drag before answering in a puff of smoke. “We’ve been over this.” He walked into the safe house.

They had talked, several times. Rey wanted Iris out but he didn’t have much power and knowledge. Jonah had the gun and a hundred reasons not to. There was no way to kill all 4 because everyone was armed. The community would riot. There was no where safe to go. A failed attempted would end Iris’s life. All these may be true, Jonah did have 4 decades of guard experience… but really, Rey thought he was just a coward, and maybe he cared for Pope and/or Francisco more than he’d like to admit. He’d been with those two since infancy, helped raise them, been a father figure most of their lives… it was understandable.

When he walked into the house, it was to crying but this time, relieved. He must have told her Will would be okay. You had your arms wrapped around his neck and he held you close to him, rubbing your back.

“It’s gonna be okay, honey, everyone’s gonna be just fine.”

*

Ben was changing Will’s bandages when you walked in and it made you nauseous to see the blood. Jonah said the bullet went straight through, that he’d be okay he just needed to rest, but the sight was disturbing.

Will groans. “Baby, don’t want you seeing me like this.”

Benny flicks his brothers arm. “Let her be, she was worried about you.”

The older Miller grumbled, but allowed you to kneel his side. He thumbed away a tear, “Don’t cry for me, beautiful girl.”

“What happened?” You sniffle, looking between Benny and Will.

“A girl from the dorms, she took the gun off a guard and tried to shoot-”

Ben interrupted. “You, Madonna.” He looked to his brother. “Melody, your old roommate, she tried to shoot you out of jealousy, she wanted to be with me. Will pushed you aside, took the bullet.”

You blink at that. Melondy wanted to shoot you? She wanted you dead? And Will. was he even standing by you? “But… I don’t remember being pushed.”

“Oh sweet girl…” Will cood. “Do you not remember? Poor thing, it was probably so traumatic-”

“No, I remember-”

“Your brain probably blocked a lot of it out, repressed it to protect you.”

Yeah, yeah that made sense. Memory was fragile. Will winced and Ben finished cleaning him and you took his hand as a new packing kit was applied. “Thank you for saving me…” You kiss his hand, feeling the rough knuckles warm skin. “For saving our baby…”

You fell asleep beside him that night, laying on his chest. He was warm, firm, inviting and protective. Nothing mattered more than the fact your husbands and your baby were safe.

Melody was dead. After the first shot missed, she approached where the four men had gathered intent on finding you, but Ben said Pope shot her square in the forehead, that he protected you while Jonah and Reyansh took you to safety. Ben said he had stood in front of his brothers and you, fearless, brave and bold. Pope loved his people, but he loved you most of all.

When you awoke, it was lae evening and although you wanted to go back to sleep, after some tossing and turning you realized you could. Not wanting to wake Will, you check his pulse and breathing, both strong and head out of the room to see if anyone is up. You know they dont like you wandering around the mansion without protection but you weren’t a child.

After Jonah and Rey had taken you back home, you were desperate to see William, but Pope demanded your presence with Francisco, both holding you tightly and checking you over again and again, tell you how precious you were, how loved. Pope knelt in front of you, hands on your belly, kissing it. You were thankful to have such loving and protective husbands. Despite the horrors of today, you felt blessed beyond measure 

You came to the kitchen first seeing a light on. Sometimes Benny liked late night snacks. Instead, you see Iris and Reyansh slow dancing in the kitchen. Iris was actually smiling. No doubt Rey was fearful of his own women’s safety being forced in the cabin with you for so long after a riot broke out right outside where she was. Silent, you step away from the cute lovers and allow them their time. Rey helped save your life today, you needed to thank him, and thank Iris for all she did for your family, you were lucky to have them both.

You try to see if Pope is awake next. When you approach his room, the grunting sounds make you stop, peaking through the slightly cracked door. Pope was on top of Francisco, fucking into his ass with his legs bent up into a press. It was a position he used on you many a time. Francisco was a puddle beneath him, his curls stuck to the sweat on his head. He looked incredible. The way Pope kissed him so deep… You couldn’t help feeling warm inside. How lucky you were that your husbands loved each other so much.

Ben was found in the gym. For a moment, you merely watch him. Shirtless in his red shorts and throwing punches at a punching bag. He probably had so much energy in him after everything today, watching his brother bleeding in his arms. She knew they didn’t always get along, Ben holding anger for Will so often and over what, you couldn’t yet discern. Maybe this tragedy would bring them back together. You admire his body, carved out and chiseled in perfect form. 

You loved the bodies of all your husbands, in each and every different.

Will was largess; tall, muscular, wide everywhere. Everywhere. His body consumed you just as yours consumed him; he was like a shield, metaphorically and now literally.

Santiago was softer. A small belly that was only noticeable when he was bent over, plush though and a moon shaped ass. He was all curves, from his nose down to his calved you had massaged so ardently.

If Pope was soft, Francisco was a pillow. Heavy weight surrounded him, the broad expanse of his shoulders to the fat at his waist and you just wanted to bury your face into it, you want to bite, nibble, and worship the pudge that spilled over his pants.

Ben was lean, the tallest of them and slim hips under rippling muscles. Golden God, beholden before you and it was as if his glory radiated off him. Despite the strength he was light on his feat. He could have been a boxer in another life.

“How are you feeling?” His deep voice breaks the tranfiction of the way his body moved, stilling the punching bag.

“I’m good, just woke from a nap with Will.”

Still looking away, Ben nodded. His mood matched the storm clouds out the window. After wiping his face, Benny chugged water and then finally made his way over to you in long, quick strides. His eyes flashed with the lightning outside.

*

Pope fucked Frankie with a fury he couldn’t recall in years. Frankie had defined him, ignoring his orders to leave but no, he wanted to stay with Ben. 

“You don’t think I wanted Ben and Will safe too?” He growled in his lovers ear. 

“I know!”

“You’re more important!”

He almost lost Will, Ben, the savior, and most importantly Frankie today. The girl would pay, fuck she’d pay. He couldn’t do anything Madonna might see, she thinks she’s dead already… no, a gunshot was to quick for someone trying to harm his family, but he’d make her suffer.

His anger toward Francisco wouldn't be helped when today, when he went to make love to Frankie, he found him in Ben's arms, cumming on his hand.

*

Ben had you pinned against the wall, fucking into you with your legs hitched around his narrow hips. The wind outside picked up speed, displaying his anger, his frustration, his love and his lust. You let him take you, fucking into your pregnant womb with his face tucked in your neck. You felt as if you were floating, like you were the center of the world right now. The sun God orbited you. Someone had tried to take you from him, a women he used to claim as his own but she had been cast aside for a reason. In her jealousy, she though she could regain her place at his side but that was foolish. Ben would never have loved her the way he loved you, the way he loved his husbands. Will, Francisco and Pope could never love her. 

She was not the Madonna.

She could never carry the savior.

She could only ever have a bastard.

*

“Gonna fill you up, Frank.” Pope grunted, breath hot against Francisco's cheek, mouth to mouth, lips to lips. “Gonna fill up this tight little hole of yours until you’re pregnant with my baby, you got that?”

Frank’s eyes went wide. “Santi, wha-” But he stopped when Santiago slapped him. This shocked Frankie, Santi didn’t slap him, he didn’t hurt him like that…

“Take it!” Santiago screams, tears of anger blurring his eyes. He chose Ben over him. He’d rather stay in danger with Ben than safety with him. “Your mine, under stand?!” When Frankie didn’t answer right away, Pope gripped his jaw and felt a warm tear fall down his cheek. “DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!”

*

Long fingers gripping your asscheeks, digging into the sensitive skin.

Firm abs rubbing against your body.

Hips stimulating your clit.

A finger fucking into your asshole. 

Everything was better than your wildest dreams. No incubus, a child on the way, friends and family. This was a life your father tried to take from you, but you were like gold that’s tested in fire.

Ben came inside when the thunder cracked, lightning still flashing and illuminating him with light. He muttered Francisco’s name.

*

“YES!” Francisco shouted in pain, face grimacing. “I’m yours! I’m yours Santi, fill me up! Make me-” He swallowed, tears forming at his long lashes. He gritted his teeth. “Make me p-pregnant!”  Francisco was saying anything that'd make Santi stuff, just to make him cum and end this. He just wanted it over. All of it. He didn't understand why he wasn't allow to be happy, to feel safe, to have peace. Instead he had to submit to Santi's whims just like Beatriz.

Santiago tucked his face into his lovedrsneck, biting him as he came inside. Whimpering, tears streaming wildly down his face, Santiago bit into Frankie’s tender flesh: neck, then shoulder, till finally he just continuously bit into the skin on his large arm, drawing the blood and bruising the skin. It hurt like hell, Frankie's head thrashing back and forth on the pillow trying to take the pain and bare it. Santiago's tears mixed with blood as he finished cumming, thrusts slowing into a lul.

Francisco didn’t know where his body ended and Santi’s began.

He wanted Ben, to be held and protected by him. To be touched gently, with love. To be not possessed but show off so that he knew Ben was proud of him, proud of what they had, not what the fuck Santigo was doing to him. He wanted Madonna with her sweet kisses and open adoration. He wanted Will with his healing nature, tender hands on his arching, bleeding arm. He wanted anything but Santi’s touch right now.

Santiago curled behind Francisco. His hand rested on Frankie’s stomach.

***********

This disturbed me writing the end asdfghjkl

Madonna crying Reminds me of tww bonus chapter where little one thinks joel is dead and is just ugly sobbing

Madonna has... a lot to process today, and absolutly no therapy and no one she can be honest with about what she's witnessing.

I hope you all enjoyed... or .... something....???

Thoughts on Santis episode, Benny having a fit because he wanted Frankie but had to take madonna, will being shot, madonna is pregant, rey's thoughts!!!!! Jonah protecting madonna, etc.

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love you all dearly <3 I hope to get at least one more tf fic for the triple frontier anniverary evnt before the end, and maybe something else like a TWW bonus chapter i've been wanting, but no gurantees. next week is spring break and i have 10k worth of commissions to write so il be busy! I wanna get the last chapter of my handmaids tale au out though, end that baby <3

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