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romana-after-dark · 4 months

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Room's on Fire: Pilot

Dark!Santiago Garcia x Fem!Reader Dark!Francisco Morales x Fem!Reader Dark!William Miller x Fem!Reader Dark!Benjamin Miller x Fem!Reader

Also: FishBen, and an assortment of other M/M relationships (no Millercest). Everyone is Bisexual

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Summery: The Delta is a commune in the middle of nowhere established by Santiago's mother. Since Divine Mother's passing in a rebellion a decade ago, Santiago, known as The Pope, and his half-God brethren Francisco, Benjamin and William have ran the commune. Now it is time for them to take a collective bride to breed, to bring the savior into the world.

Warnings and Content:

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

This is not meant to be a statement about religion, Christianity, or Catholicism, this is simply my take on a cult. I am a religious person. I understand that some of this may be very offensive to religious people so if you don't like thing like AHS Asylum or Black Mass, maybe consider not reading.

"Come on home, girl, he said with a smile You don't have to love me yet, let's get high awhile But try to understand, try to understand Try, try, try to understand That I'm a magic man." ~Magic Man, Heart.

"God dammit Benjamin, what the hell is wrong with you!”

Will smacked Ben upside the head as Frankie chided him.

Ben tried to defend himself. “Hey! You guys act like you don’t sleep with ‘em too, why are you blaming me?”

“You’re fucking a new woman every goddamn week, you have no fucking class, we’re not even supposed to be sleeping with these women,-”

Santiago’s voice, strong and comanding, broke through the bickering. “Gentlemen, please, this is not becoming behavior for Gods.”

With their leader’s command, the other three settled down, Frankie’s eyes casting away. “Sorry, Pope.”

Pushing himself off from the wall he had been leaning against, Santiago walked toward the group. “That can’t be all the options. There’s no way Benny’s made his way through every of age virgin in our compound, we have over 5 thousand people here.”

The men thought through the women they knew, the various families at the massive compound who could accomplish their task. She couldn’t just be a virgin, that was the thing.

They needed their Madonna.

Before her death, Santiago’s mother informed their group that the prophecy would not be fulfilled through Santiago, that he was not the promised savior. Instead, he was destined to lead after her passing and that Santiago, Francisco, William and Benjamin were all demi-Gods. This was a step up for the Millers and Francisco, who had spend their youths in the privileged position of foster brothers to Santiago and living under The Divine Mother’s roof and direct guidance. To Santiago, however, this was a humiliating demotion.

His childhood was never one of whimsy, growing up told that he was a God, that he was the second coming, that he was the savior of the broken, the beaten and the damned… All that changed in his pre-teens. Suddenly, his mother was less pleased with him. His divinity was constantly dangled above his head. When his 20’s came and he failed to be what his mother wanted, she stripped him of his full God-hood.

So why, pray tell, were him and his fellow leaders and brethren searching for a virgin? Since Santiago had failed, they needed to father a new child. A new savior. Divine Mother’s instructions were clear; they were all to wed and breed a virgin from their compound. She was to live in their home as their wife for them to use not only whenever they wanted, but whenever they could. A sacred duty to be fruitful and multiple. It didn’t matter whose child grew in her, as long as there was a child. The world would be saved, and Santiago would earn his mothers favor from the heavens.

So, she couldn’t just be anyone. She needed to be a virgin, pure and holy. She needed to be beautiful, strong, faithful to their ways, faithful to the Divine Mother, faithful to the Pope, William, Benjamin, and Francisco.

“What about Marcus’s kid?’ Will asked, breaking their silence, causing everyone to turn to him.

Frank frowned. “You think the daughter of a traitor is the best option for the Madonna?” The sarcasm was clear. He didn’t like this plan as it was. He didn’t want strangers in their home, breaching security, putting his brothers at risk.

“That might actually be the solution to the problem.” He waited until Pope gestured for him to go on, not immediately shutting it down.

“The rebellion was when she was 12, the interrogations found she had no knowledge of her father’s plans. Ever since, she has been isolated. Lydia says she has caused no problems in the women’s home, been obedient but has no friends, no connections.”

“So you think she’s intact?”

“Santi, I doubt she’d had her first kiss.”

Since the rebellion 10 years ago, Will has set up measures to identify problems before they become something like that, and that meant keeping tabs on people. Single women lived in a few group homes throughout the compound. Each home had prefects that reported to house mothers, and house mothers that reported to Will. Anyone that was of any concern, Will checked in on, that included daughters of rebels.

“And she danced at the fire?” Pope asked, arms still crossed but listening.

Will nodded. “She did. No signs of disloyalty.”

Muttering, Frankie asked Ben if he’d slept with her in recent years.

He shook his head. “Nope. Forgot she existed.”

Frankie watched as Pope thought things through, his mouth shifting. Frankie asked, “How are the other viable women going to take it if the daughter of a traitor is chosen above them?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Ben said, defensive of Pope. His loyalty to Santiago went above everything. “If she’s the right person, she’s chosen divinely.”

Santiago held up a hand, stopping another argument. “A redemption. She has the option to purify herself from the sins of her father through the pain of childbirth.”

“Biblical precedent…” Will murmured in agreement.

“And if she fails to produce a child, then we can say we were deceived-”

“Like Eve deceived Adam. Damn, Pope, I think it’s a winner.”

Santiago smiled at his fellow leader, clasping his hands together. “Alright, let’s go visit her, make sure she’s suitable.”

You were dead. It was over. Lydia had cleared all the other women out of the dormitory room and told you that the Pope and the other divine leaders would be coming to speak privately to you and you assumed that you had slipped up somehow and it was the end for you. You didn’t know what you possibly could have done. You never ever spoke badly about anyone, none the less your beloved leaders! You adored them all, worshipped them as they deserved, as you had Divine Mother…

Had they decided you were too much of a liability after what your father had done? How was that possible, it had been a decade… why now…

You gasp. Fransisco… he was clairvoyant… had he seen into your dream? Had he seen what you saw oh-so often, the dreams that forced you awake crying?

You prepared yourself to grovel, to beg for mercy, to plead that these dreams of fire were not what you wanted, that they tormented you. Would you forever be labeled a traitor for what your father had done? Hadn’t you proved your loyalty to The Delta?

The door opened and you dropped to your knees, silent until spoken too. You can hear Benjamin whisper a damn. The floor creaks in front of where you knelt, arms prostrated out and for a moment, everything stood still. Warm hands were on your chin, guiding you up to see him.

He was so much more stunning up close. You’d heard tales from other girls of the men, of the way they bedded them, how it was glorious, the most holy form of worship to allow them inside you… You had taken note that you had not been allowed that honor, you had accepted it as the punishment for the sins of your birth, you never thought you’d be worthy of close contact, but right now… Pope was touching your face, your chin tucked between his thumb and forefinger; his eyes were so close to yours, his plump lips keep a soft smile. “Do not be afraid, darling girl. If we are correct, you may outshine us all.”

“But it is, of course, your choice.”

Your choice…

This phrase was preceded by the reminder that if you said no, there would be no savior.

There was no choice.

“I am a servant to my lords.”

Santiago smiled at that. “Excellent. Now, let’s begin the inspection.”

The what?

“Oh… is it… I swear I am a virgin, I’ve never been touched-”

“I know.” Francisco said. Oh, right. Clairvoyant. “We need to make sure you’re… healthy.”

“Oh. Yes, of course then.”

Francisco undressed you, his calm demeanor and soothing touch eased you as he slowly stripped you of your clothing. He pulled the loose shirt over your body as you raised your hands, the pail bra underneath had a lot of coverage (everything was meant to be practical) but you still felt exposed.

“Just down to her underwear, Francisco.” Will instructed as he watched. Will was a healer, that was his gift.

Francisco pulled down your pants slowly, and you feel eyes scaling you.

“Strip her down fully, Frank.” Ben tells Francisco, and you jolt when you feel his hands on the bare skin on your hips.

Francisco sighs, but Will puts his foot down. “She doesn’t need to be naked, this is invasive enough as it is”

Ben gave a short laugh. “More invasive than fucking her.”

“BEN!” All three of them shouted, discomfort and fears coursing through your body.

“Pope, she’s shaking.” Francisco asserts with his hands on your shoulders and you watch Pope give Ben a look.

“You behave, your brother knows what he’s doing.” He turns to Will, jerking his head at you. “Handle it.”

Will approaches you, his hands on your face. He holds you different than Pope, more firm, more all-encompassing. Will’s hands were larger, and he placed them at the side of your head, like he was holding you together. “Hey, it’s alright. It’s like a medical examination, okay?”

You nod within his grasp. “Okay.”

He smiled at you. “Good girl. I’m going to touch you, just stand there and take it. Trust me.”

You did. You’d follow him anywhere if he spoke like that. His hands move down your neck, slowly over your shoulders and down your arms, sending a chill through your body. He squeezed your hands. “Doing so good princess. Gonna check your backside now, can you straighten up for me?” You square your shoulders as he walks around, towering over you. You lock eyes with Ben; he looks hungry, like he’s ready to pounce but smiling at you with his boyish charm you can’t help wonder what that pounce would feel like. Ben had slept with almost every girl in your dormitory, and you’d been privy to all kinds of colorful descriptions as you overheard girls talking. Not to you. Never to you.

Will rubbed his hands together and breathed on them to aid the warmth before placing his fingertips at the top-most part of your back. Slowly, he dragged 8 fingers down, applying pressure, sending a tingling down your spine as his fingers traced it. “Excellent posture, just need to check a few things.” His hands went back up, fingers bracing at your sides as his thumbs searched certain spots, rubbing over aching parts of you with pressure, but not pain.

“Got a few knots.” Will comment’s, and you turn slight back towards him, suddenly scared.

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No, no. Nothing to worry about. Just means you’re stressed. It hurt there sometimes?”

He continued massaging you, your next words coming out with a moan. “Yeah.”

“I know it does, sweet girl. Don’t you worry, I’ll help you take care of that. You will be my wife, after all.”

The thought brings a small smile to your face. The smile falters when his hands wrap around your front, William’s body pressed up against your back. His hands are pressing into your stomach, making their way up until he cups your breast, a small groan escaping his mouth that had somehow found its way into your hair.

“She likes that.” You here Ben say, drawing your attention, his grin made you swell with pride. You’d spoken with him before; Benjamin knew all the women. Still, he never chose you to bed and you had thought you weren’t appealing but now, now you see it. Now, as Ben began to touch himself over his pants as he watched his brother examine your body, you realize you were meant for a higher purpose. You were being saved, protected, put on a pedestal for this moment, to be the mother of their child, to be their Madonna.

Will continued him ministrations, soft grunts as he ground his hips into your ass. You can se his eyes are locked in with Pope. Pope, is watching the scene with hooded eyes and parted lips. With a soft but powerful moan, Will stilled behind you, panting a soft kiss on your neck before his fingertips trails your panty line. “Now, for the vaginal exam.”

All the pleasure you felt stops, your body freezing up again. “B-but, you said I wouldn’t-”

William turned you around to face him. “I have to check out your privates, gotta make sure you’re safe. It’s just me, it’s just external, don’t worry. We’ll face away.” He knelt down.

You were acutely aware your ass was still out for the other men when you heard Ben groan when your underwear is pulled down, the distinct sound of him summoning Francisco, who had been quiet so far, and the unzipping of pants.

“Goddamn…” He says, notching your legs so they spread and lifting one foot so it is resting on his bent knee. He touched your sensitive skin. “Pope, you gotta see this… the girls wet.”

“But-” I wanted to protest that he had said it would only be him, but there was no point. Soon, you’d be married, and they be able to have you as much as they wanted.

“Holy shit, she’s dripping…” Pope marvels as the slick running down your thighs.

Will continues prodding at you, fingers running through your glistening folds. In the background was a sound you couldn’t quiet pinpoint, and something that sounded like kissing, but who would be kissing? There was only Ben and Francisco there. Will dips his finger slightly inside your hole, making you gasp.

“Careful.” Pope warned. “She needs to stay intact.”

“I know.” Will groans. “But she’s so fucking tight, Pope.”

A muffled but strong groan behind you, and Pope looks like he’s about to fall apart when he pulls away.

“William, Franisco, Ben. Go to Lydia, tell her the wedding will be at her next ovulation.”

The men reluctantly made their exit leaving Pope alone in the room with you. He pulled up your underwear and pants before helping you back into your shirt. “You are perfect.” He grabbed your face again, pinching your chin and guiding you to look up at him. “Pack only personal items. You’ll have new clothing, everything will be taken care of. From now on, as long as you are what we need you to be, whatever you need, you’ll have.”

He leans in and you open your mouth to him, beautifully alluring, gifting him your first kiss and the spark was ignited. He was everything now.

“My Madonna.”

WE'RE LIVE! So excited to do this, I was a little too excited, I didn't wait until january like i said lol. After this I'm gonna try and finish Blessed be the Fruit and Awakening before going forward which shouldnt be long

PLEEAASEEEE LMK YOU'RE THOTS AND THEORIES!!!!

Special thanks to my BELOVED @hon3yboy for encouraging me so fucking hard with this series!!! she is so wonderful and has written great work including WEREWOLF MARC SPECTOR!!!!

How to keep up with the story!

Comment on this masterlist that you want to be tagged and I'll tag you in updates (If you ask to be tagged, I ask you at least like the fic. Likes dont do anything to spread the work, but it at least lets me know you're still reading.)

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TAGLIST:

@hon3yboy @winniethewife @femmeanonymelives @yorksgirl @pockcock @neverwheremoonchild @casa-boiardi @meveispunk @survivingandenduring @criticalarchitecture @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @obscurexsorrows @hellfire-state-of-mind @christinamadsen @pimosworld @princessanglophile @rubyfruitjungle @simple-lovebot @missdictatorme @campingwiththecharmings @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @javier-penas-wifexx420 @stefani-topaz @alwaysmicado

if I missed you LMK!!!!

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cordycepspog · 1 year

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Love love LOVE the focus on Joel’s boots during his rampage in the hospital. Because it’s not in a fit of rage, or desperation. Joel’s face is blank. He’s not thinking about consequences of his actions. He’s thinking “you took away my daughter and now I’m getting her back.” It’s a skill he picked up from Tess. He knows what’s coming. There’s no need to get emotional about it. It’s the simplest thing in the world to him: “You don’t get to take her away from me. Not again.” Hell, he doesn’t even look at the doctor when he shoots him! He’s looking right at Ellie, his entire focus and purpose laying in front of him! Mans is straight up on autopilot!

Joel is a unstoppable force in his grief. And Ellie is the immovable object that keeps him from walking straight over the ledge.

#AND NOW IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME #Joel chose to cling so tightly to Ellie as his rock that the foundations coming are loose #and in his attempt to keep her safe he’s gonna drag her right over the ledge with him #and ellie will go willingly.#she said it herself #she’ll follow him anywhere #even all the way down to the dark bloody bottom #joel and ellie #tlou hbo #tlou #tlou spoilers #the last of us #joel miller #ellie williams

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gotyourbibleandyourgun · 12 days

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elliespassagerprincess · 6 months

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house wife reader x mean ellie 👀 ellie works long hours on the weekdays and takes out all of her anger on her docile wife who cooks all her meals, does all of her laundry, cleans the entire house, and make sure ellie’s satisfied 24/7.

Satisfied - (ellie williams x housewife reader)

hi anon! mean ellie? hell yeah. I hope you don't mind, but I added my own twist. I hope you enjoy <3

Pairing: mean ellie x housewife fem!reader

requests are open, feel free to leave one!

HUGE warnings: toxic relationships, murder, gore, violence

Summary: in which you were the perfect housewife

authors note: I'm literally trying to empty out my request inbox, so be ready because there's a bunch of fics coming your way!

"so when last have you seen her?" The police officer asked as he sat across you.

"well she went out yesterday and she never came back"

you saw him look at you and Ellie's house as he was taking notes.

"Any arguments?"

"No"

once again you saw the pen write something on some paper. You wanted to know what exactly he was writing about.

What was talking him so long? You wanted him to fucking leave.

"Thank you for answering these questions, we'll call if we need anything else" the officer said as he stood up.

"Thank you for your hard work! Do I need to walk you out?" You asked with smile

"no, I'll show myself out" was all he said as he walked towards the front door.

As soon as he was out of sight you got up and ran to window to check if he was gone. You watched his car pull out the driveway, and you let out a sigh of relief.

fucking finally.

You ran to you and Ellie's shared room, and between heavy breathes you said "she almost caught us baby".

You walked towards the bed, where Ellie's decomposing body lay. Flies circled her body, her skin was pale and cold to the touch.

You put some of her hair behind her ear "it's ok now, they'll never catch us" you whispered

You loved Ellie. And you would anything for you. Anything including quitting your job and becoming her housewife.

In the beginning you hated it, staying home, cooking, cleaning. But when Ellie praised you, you fucking loved it.

And soon after you became the stereotypical housewife. Cute outfits, aprons that matched whatever you wore. You always woke up before her, to prepare her favorite breakfast. You cooked her dinner.

You fucking did everything.

The two of you were happy. Until Ellie got a promotion. She got more work, the pressure was getting worse for the poor girl.

Ellie came home late and most nights she barley even slept. You tried supporting your wife as best you could. You tried cleaning the house before she came come. You did all her laundry, you even chose her outfits most days.

But it was never enough for her.

One night you cooked Ellie's favorite meal. A prideful smile was on your lips as you put the plate in front of her.

This would cheer her up. You knew it would.

Ellie glanced down at the plate, and she looked back at you. The dark circles under her eyes looked even darker than they did yesterday.

"You are so fucking pathetic" she started.

"I work all fucking day to come to this shit? And look, this table is dusty" she added.

Ellie got up from where she was sitting and she threw the plate filled with food onto the floor. "You have cleaning to do, and don't fucking serve this shit again" she walked out of the dining room and you sat there mouth agape.

This was the first time she's ever said anything like that to you. You sobbed in the kitchen that night. You felt sick to your stomach.

Everything you did was for Ellie and for the first time she wasn't satisfied with you.

Your main mission in life became to serve. To serve her. But what do you do when the one you did everything for, wasn't satisfied?

The next morning you woke up bright and early, and you cooked Ellie a widespread of breakfast. Fruit salad, bacon, eggs pancakes and so much more decorated the table.

You heard the bedroom door open and you saw her walk out, she glanced at the table

"I'm not hungry" was all she said and she walked out the front door.

You were shattered.

Since that day everything you did was wrong.

You couldn't clean right.

Her fingers ran along the cupboard, and she looked at you with a frown.

"Can you not clean right? Should i get a maid? Because you cant do shit"

you couldn't do the laundry right.

you stood in the doorway watching Ellie fit on her suit. She looked herself in the mirror before she made eye contact with you.

"It's still wrinkled and there's a stain" she pointed out.

"fix it" was all she said before she threw the clothes on the floor.

You couldn't even cook right.

Ellie only had one spoon of her food before she pushed her plate to the side

"what's wrong?" you asked

"this is disgusting"

it hurts. Every insult Ellie hurled at you hurt.

You knew she was stressed but it didn't give her the right to take her stress out on you.

One night you tried talking to Ellie. But she didn't want to. She didn't have energy for this.

"Don't you have a house to clean? Oh wait you can't even do that right" she said through a chuckle.

You snapped.

You let out a scream as you grabbed the lamp on your side of the bed. You jumped onto the bed, and you shit her over and over again.

"I"

*hit

"am"

*hit

"the perfect"

*hit

"housewife" you yelled.

Blood littered the walls, and your hands. Heavy breathes left your mouth as you looked at the scene.

"Oh Ellie I'm sorry! This room is filthy! I'll clean it"

you scrubbed the walls, you changed the bedding and you gave her a bath.

Everything was back to normal. It was all clean.

You looked at her decomposing body. She looked peaceful and she wasn't being mean anymore.

This was the girl you fell in love with.

You gave her a kiss on the forehead before you muttered "its time for breakfast" and you left the room to start making your girl breakfast.

You weren't sure how long you were going to get away with this, but for the time being you were happy.

She was better dead anyway.

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azertyrobaz · 1 year

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You mumble in your sleep.

#the last of us #the last of us spoilers #tlou #tlou spoilers #joel miller #pedro pascal #ellie williams #bella ramsey #joel #ellie #when you're lost in the darkness #hbo #my edits

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cowgurrrl · 8 months

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Shrapnel

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Summary: “Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them.” — Lois Lowry, The Giver aka a person from your past finds their way back [2.3k]

Warnings: pregnancy, a problematic ex, jealousy, talks of Jane, ✨feminine rage✨, language, threats of canonical violence

You're holding Joel's hand while walking through Jackson when it happens. He's not usually one for PDA, but since you found out you're pregnant, he almost always has a hand on you. He squeezes you when a voice calls out to you. You have a doctor's appointment later in the day and got through your unremarkable early morning patrol shift. You're much more interested in debating baby names with Joel than talking to anyone else, but the shouting gets more persistent. At first, it's just your first name, but as the sound gets closer, your maiden name gets tacked on. Nobody's called you by your maiden name in years. It's enough to make you turn with furrowed brows and frustration building in your chest.

It takes a second for your eyes to adjust to the person in front of you, but once they do, you're stunned into silence. He's aged— wrinkles in the corners of his eyes, gray at his temples, and a slight limp in his gait. He's definitely not the teenage boy you once knew. You subconsciously drop Joel's hand and take a step back to fully process the man in front of you.

"Matt?" You breathe, and he smiles.

"Hey," he says. "I can't believe you're… here and alive."

"Yeah, I could say the same to you. What are you doing in Jackson?"

"My group trades out here sometimes. I've never seen you here before, though." He says. How the fuck could Maria not tell you about the smuggler who looks a scary amount like the little girl in the photo on your desk? Maybe she didn't know. Jane never had his last name. There's no way she would've known. "What are you doing here?" He turns the question around.

"We live here." You say and raise your hand to rub Joel's back. His shoulders are tense under your touch, but you each relax at the familiar affection. Matt looks between you two, and you recognize the slight puffing of his chest. Matt's body has changed with the apocalypse, muscles and scars peeking from his sleeves, but Joel is broader and a good head taller than him. Joel doesn't even blink at the peacocking.

"You gonna introduce us?" Matt asks, gesturing to Joel.

"Uh… yeah. Yeah, this is my husband, Joel," You look up at Joel and nearly choke on your next words. "Joel, this is Matt, Jane's dad." Joel's face falls at the sudden connection. You can see him scrambling for something to say, but a light tap on your shoulder stops him. Like the patron saint of horrible timing, Ellie appears at your right. Matt looks over her in awe, and you immediately want to tuck her away from sight. "Joel, can you take her home?"

He stares at you, a protective glint passing through his eyes, and you give him a minuscule nod. He clears his throat and jerks his head at Ellie. The unspoken communication is understood, and she falls back enough for your blood pressure to drop to a reasonable level. He pecks your lips before holding a hand out to Matt.

"Nice to meet you, man." He says, and Matt meets him halfway, grimacing slightly at Joel's grip.

"Likewise," Matt says. Joel gives you one last look as he walks away. You watch him and Ellie bump shoulders and get further and further away from you and Nugget, Joel's nickname for the baby still developing under your heart. When you pry your eyes from your family and look at Matt, he smiles politely. "Should we talk?" You don't trust yourself to open your mouth and speak, but you nod and lead the way to the Tipsy Bison.

The Tipsy Bison is emptier than usual, something you're silently grateful for. Town gossip didn't end with Cordyceps— something you and Joel are more than familiar with— and you don't want to give anyone material for rumors. Matt gets a plate of food while you grab a glass of water and snag a table towards the back of the room. Once he settles across from you with his plate, you're not sure what to say or do. What do you say to the father of the kid you had at sixteen? The kid he abandoned?

"What've you been up to?" He asks, breaking the ice and making you chuckle at the absurdity of it all. "Besides getting married." There's enough bitterness in his voice for you to hear it and roll your eyes.

"That's normally what happens when you don't see someone for over twenty years."

"C'mon, let's not do that."

"Do what?" You snap, and he gestures vaguely between you.

"Fight. I'm not gonna ask you for anything," I'm not gonna ask for her back. "I'm just happy you're alive and safe. I wanna know how you got here and what's been going on with you guys. Can you just, I don't know… let me in?"

Something stupid, vulnerable, and fifteen in you wants to give in and tell him everything. Something else screams at you to run him out of town. You take a deep breath and a sip of water.

"I was a smuggler in the QZ back home for a few years before moving to Boston. That's where I met Joel." You say, and he nods, grateful for the information.

"Joel seems like a good guy."

"He is," you say. He takes a bite of food, and uncomfortable silence falls over you. You wonder if he can spot your barely there bump under your thick jacket and if he would even say anything if he did. He barely gave you any attention when you were pregnant with Jane. You doubt he'd see anything now. "How long have you been smuggling?"

"About ten years. I used to do the FEDRA jobs before I met the people in my group. It's better money, and I get to travel with them."

"What QZ did you end up at?" You ask. He gives you the name of another QZ about a six-hour drive from your hometown. He tells you he was visiting a friend when Outbreak Day happened and never made it back. Why would he? He didn't have anything he cared enough to come back for. You tell him about getting to the local QZ and staying there, conveniently leaving out details about Adam, hit jobs, and midnight star gazing. Once you're done, he stares down at his plate, moving food around with his fork as he thinks.

"That girl," he starts, and your heart clenches. "Was she-"

"No," you cut him off, shaking your head. "No, she's not. Her name is Ellie. Joel and I adopted her a few years ago."

"So, where's Jane? She's… how old is she?" He asks. Your hand instinctually lands on your small bump under the table, a nervous habit you picked up from your first pregnancy.

"Twenty-five."

"I can't believe that. What's she like?"

"Matt…"

"I know I don't have the right to ask or even be here, but I wanna know about her. If you don't want me to meet her, that's fine. I won't argue with you. I just wanna know if she's happy. Well-adjusted, especially after everything. That's all." His words are too little, too late. How dare he act like you kept her from him when he never came around in the first place. Like suddenly he's Father of the Year, and you're the bitch baby mama who never gave him a chance.

"She's dead." It stings as it leaves your mouth, and you watch the weight of the words smack him in the face. His fork falls from his hand, and his eyes search your face like he's trying to determine if you're lying or playing a mean joke on him. You don't know what he finds in your expression, but it's enough for all his breath to leave him.

"W… what? What happened? When?"

You give him bits and pieces. You tell him about Mrs. Carmichael and the school, but you don't tell him how far you were from the QZ or why you couldn't return to your original, much closer trading post. You tell him you buried her but not where. You tell him you went after the Fireflies who detonated the bomb but not how you bled information from them until you were shaking from rage and grief. By the end of it, he's pale and wide-eyed, but his hands are steady.

"I should've been there," he says, and you want to agree, but then he keeps talking. "I could've protected her better or kept her safe or, I don't know. Maybe things would be different." Protected her better. What the fuck could he have done that you didn't? How would he have kept her safe? By keeping her from her peers, learning, and the sliver of hope embedded in her favorite books? By locking her away and controlling her every move like he tried with you?

"What would've been different, Matt?" You ask, decades of anger and annoyance bubbling up to the surface. "You? Us? Give me a fucking break. There's nothing you would've done to protect her. You weren't ready to be anyone's father, let alone hers."

"But you think you were?"

"The second I saw those positive tests, I knew I could. For ten years, I was ready to give her anything and everything. For ten years, I took the shitty jobs and overdrew my bank account, and lost sleep trying to keep her alive. And what were you doing when I got kicked out of my mom's house and had nowhere to go? What were you doing when she had colic and couldn't stop crying? What were you doing when she needed someone to walk her into school every morning for a month because she was so scared?"

"I was a kid." He tries, and you laugh, dangerous and low.

"And I wasn't? I was Ellie's age when I had her. Joel was twenty-two when he had his daughter, and he was scared but still stepped up for her." At the mere mention of Joel, he rolls his eyes and pushes away from the table.

"We're talking about us and our daughter, not him."

"Oh, it's our daughter now? Now that she's dead, you want some kinda claim?" You ask. "You don't get to come into my town, ambush me, and then act like I'm the bad guy," he tries to open his mouth to argue, but you put a hand up to stop him. "And if you say anything else about my husband, I'll tie you to the back of my horse and drag you out of town. Do you understand me?" You ask, and he pauses like he's trying to figure out if you're serious, nodding when he realizes you are.

"Here's what's gonna happen: you and your group are gonna trade whatever you need to trade for, and then you're going to leave my town. You're not gonna say anything about this conversation to anyone, most of all my daughter, and if I catch you so much as looking at her again, I'll break your fucking neck. You can keep smuggling here but never speak to or about my family ever again. If I find out you're spreading lies about Jane or Ellie or even Joel, I'll-"

"Careful, you might run out of big, scary threats there, sweetheart." The unmistakable sound of you cocking your gun under the table clicks in the air. It's a miracle he's survived this long with that big fucking mouth and no observational skills. He swallows hard as you press the barrel of your gun into his kneecap.

"You wanna cut me off again, or do you need to learn a lesson?" You ask. He shakes his head, suddenly enthralled by whatever you could have to say. "Get the fuck out of Jackson." You push your gun against his bone hard, hard enough to make him hiss in pain, before removing it completely.

Then, silently and with his tail between his legs, he does what he does best. Turns his back and leaves. You're privy to the fact that this is similar to the first time he left. You were pregnant, he was pissed, and neither of you were necessarily happy with the situation. Except this time, you hold all the power. This time, instead of going back to a home you'd be kicked out of, you're going home to your husband and child. This time, your baby already has a father who loves them so much, and you still have six months until they're born. This time, you're not worried about the future because you have people who support and love you, no matter what.

And what is he returning to? A sleeping bag and the knowledge that he fucked up and probably will continue to fuck up until he gets it together or dies, whichever comes first. For the first time since he yelled at you and left you to fumble with the pieces at sixteen, you feel a sense of closure or, at least, victory.

Did you see that, Janey girl? You think when you walk outside and look up at the gray March sky. Do you see how I'm still protecting you? Do you see how much I still love you? Do you still feel it? A single, strong kick to your side seems as good an answer as any. You laugh and rub your hand over where you felt the tiny foot. For a moment, you realize you're the only bridge between Jane and this baby, that whatever cells Jane left behind in you are mixing with these new ones. And you're not religious, haven't been for a long time, but you pray they're able to know each other through you. You pray you're strong enough to do that for them. You pray one day you'll see Jane again, and she'll tell you how she was with you every step of the way.

Not yet, sweet girl, you think. Not quite yet.

#when you’re lost in the darkness #look for the light #joel miller x reader #joel miller series #joel miller fic #joel miller fluff #dad!joel miller #tlou fic #joel tlou #the last of us fic #the last of us series #joel the last of us #the last of us x reader #the last of us angst #joel miller angst #joel miller and ellie williams #platonic!ellie williams x reader

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dyingroses · 1 year

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The Last of Us + AO3 tags

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forherheart · 5 months

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it’s been so long - william afton [intro]

pairing: william afton x fem!bodied reader

warnings: smut, degradation, dub-con, non-con, use of alcohol, use of drugs, abuse, age gap, underage

summary: hurricane, utah was a relatively quiet city. home of young new families and older generations looking to spend their final days in peace. that was until a new family eatery opened right in the heart of the town.

the afton’s were a handsome family consisting of five members who each came with their own quirks.

there was evan. a young boy who had dark sandy hair and hazel eyes. he could always be seen with his stuffie in the crook of his arm as if the yellow bear had been his protector.

the afton’s only daughter was a young lady named elizabeth, she was just as precious as the meaning of her name. she resembled her mother in more ways than one with long golden hair and piercing green eyes.

their final child had been given the name michael. michael was an irritable teenager who strongly resembled his father though he never got along with the man. he sported disheveled long brown hair and brown eyes just like his younger brother.

there was then of course the woman who tied the whole family together; a petite woman named clara who stood just a mere five feet tall with short blonde hair that fell just to her shoulders. she was a bubbly woman; quite the opposite of her husband.

last but certainly not least was the patriarch of it all…william afton. the lanky man stood almost a foot and a half taller than his wife. he styled his dark brown hair slicked back with stubble to match.

william afton was a proud man. ever since he was young he was taught to never ask for help and to never show any sign of weakness. this helped him very much as he struggled his way through school but ended up as one of the most successful graduates.

william and clara got married young once they found out they were pregnant with their first child. they married in a courthouse and very soon after moved from the outsides of south hampton, england to a small city in utah.

the pair hadn’t known anyone so when william went to work for a semi threatening manufacturing factory clara stayed at home spending almost every day with little to no adult contact.

william left for work at five in the morning, he left the house quietly completely disregarding his wife of any affection and clocked in around five-thirty. william left for the bar after work at five-thirty. working twelve hours days was demanding and hard to do but it beat staying home with his newborn.

william typically spent the rest of his nights at a dingy bar just a few blocks away from the home that occupied the two members of his family. william would drink himself silly almost every single day and eventually head home around two o’clock in the morning. until one day.

william hadn’t even made half his way through a tall glass of gin when he heard the boisterous voice of what he would to know as his business partner; henry emily.

emily was a jolly man. he had rosey cheeks and flaxen messy hair that fell across his forehead. he was a meaty man who showed a certain amount of confidence that william had been looking for in a confident. so, when the man sat just a few seats next to him in a bar he had all the intentions to start up a conversation with him.

#william afton #five nights at freddy's #dave miller #michael afton #smut #fnaf x reader #fnaf #matthew lillard #matthew lillard x reader #the man behind the slaughter #william afton x reader #dark #dead dove do not eat #slasher #michael afton x reader

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supersgirls · 1 year

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THE LAST OF US 1.05

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navybrat817 · 2 months

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These two. 🫠

Our "poor" reader.

#navy's muse inspiration #bucky barnes #william miller #will miller #william 'ironhead' miller #dark!bucky barnes #dark!william miller #there's something in the water au #future fic #ready to be ruined #brothers in arms

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romana-after-dark · 4 months

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Room's on Fire Masterlist

Dark!Santiago Garcia x Fem!Reader Dark!Francisco Morales x Fem!Reader Dark!William Miller x Fem!Reader Dark!Benjamin Miller x Fem!Reader

Summary:

Years after the world fell apart, various communities have established themselves, one of which is ran by four men who claim to be divine.

When they decide it's time to and heir to be born, they chose a virgin from their cult and make her their wife. Reader is offered a choice, of course. She doesn't have to marry them. But if she doesn't, the savior won't be born. She choses to become the Madonna. She is wed to all four of them, and moved into their home where her body is open to use whenever her husbands desire (free use au), in the hopes of getting her pregnant. It doesn't matter whose baby it ends up being, because they are all part God, so it doesn't matter... right?

Warnings for full fic, if anything is added or really emphcized it will be in additional warnings.

THIS IS A DARK FIC THOUGH SO BE WARY! I CAN'T PROTECT AGAINST EVERYTHING.

DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

DUB CON MOSTLY but there WILL BE NON CON. Major character deaths, forced breeding, physical abuse, brainwashing, manipulation, violence, gore, alcoholism/addiction, BIG OLE BLASPHEMY WARNING like this cult appropriates a lot of religious themes and they call reader their Madonna, Santi is called the Pope, like all that stuff. However, this is a cult so I mean. It happens. None of it are my thoughts on religion or meant to make fun of religion or demonize religious people. Disgusting views on virginity. Attempted rape outside the boys. T*m warning. Age gap. Creepy terrible men. Non-reader rape, dub con, violence. Covert incest, massive mommy issues, sexual abuse all around, past grooming by parental figure. no CSA but the victim isn't much older. some Bates Motel type shit. I cannot properly warn you for everything, without just telling the story but consider this a major warning that there are dark dark themes. No one involved here is morally clean, and who you perceive as the good guy cannot be relied on. Don't come to my story and say im romanticizing these things until at least the story ends.

Unknown amount of chapters right now.

Chapter 1: Pilot: Delta finds their Madonna Chapter 2: The wedding Chapter 3: Aftermath of the wedding FishBen: Symptom of Being Human Chapter 4: Pope is not pleased. Chapter 5: Jonah lore, Madonna gets through to Frankie Chapter 6: Madonna gains Frankie's heart, Santi is jealous Iris: Rey and Iris find pockets of time Chapter 7: Fun with Ben: wining Pope back Chapter 8: big announcement to the community

Non canon Frankie Madonna Chapter 9: Madonna’s blissful ignorance to the world around her. Chapter 10: There's a lot Madonna doesn't know.

Chapter 11: Things start to crumble around Madonna

Chapter 12:

Chapter 13:

Chapter 14:

Chapter 15:

Chapter 16:

Chapter 17:

Chapter 18:

Chapter 19:

Chapter 20:

Bonus Content

not necessary for the series. Pieces in the main list are suggested as they add depth and sometimes small plot points.

"Can you peel my orange?" Jonah smut

Jonah Hanson character ai

ROF characters Star signs

Jonah x non-Madonna reader x Marcus flashback commission

Art

By @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

By @survivingandenduring

Lil comic by @my-secret-shame

As I said, a lot of themes and dynamics ended up accidentally similarly to Watch Your Step by the amazing @charnelhouse Some was because that fic is what developed my characterizations of the boys. Some was totally incidental, like Pope and readers relation to art. It's different though, a much different series, but I wanted to tell y'all that she s PUBLISHING WYS AS A NOVEL NOW, Its called Cardinal Sin's and I'll link it right here!

How to keep up with the story!

Comment on this masterlist that you want to be tagged and I'll tag you in updates

Follow @romana-updates and/turn on notifications

Follow the tag Rooms on fire

THANK YOU FOR YOU'RE SUPPORT!

Please remember to reblog, and I love comments/asks, anon or not, and would love to see engagement and theories!

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paigegonerogue · 2 months

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Man, I’m so excited for TLOU season 2!! I saw this screenshot from the video game and it seems like they’re doing a beach episode :D

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elliespassagerprincess · 6 months

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ohh i love your works smmm <3 can i request more loser ellie hc? fluff & nsfw <333

Headcannons: loser!ellie x reader

Part 1 Part 2

Sfw:

☆ Loser Ellie who took you stargazing on the second date.

There was no cloud in the sky as the two of you lay on the soft pink blanket Ellie brought. You were amazed by the stars, and Ellie was amazed by your beauty. She could stare at you for hours.

Ellie was lost in a trance before she heard your voice “what are you looking at?”

Ellie’s throat went dry. Her cheeks tinted pink, she’s been fucking caught.

“the air” she lied all you did was shake your head.

☆ Loser Ellie who refused to touch you because she was so shy. Even holding your hand scared her.

☆ Loser Ellie who had multiple accounts to stalk you because she was afraid that you might think she was weird for watching you every move.

☆ Loser Ellie who was too scared to make a move, and in the process she was pushing you away.

☆ Loser Ellie who didn’t touch you, who didn’t make eye contact with you and you truly felt unwanted.

☆ Loser Ellie who went to your house one night when she saw a picture of you kissing someone else.

She knocked on your front door. She was confused. Angry. Sad. Jealous.

The door opened and there you stood in all your glory.

“What the fuck do you want Ellie?” you asked with a huff.

Ellie’s gaze fell to the floor before she spoke in a whisper “who was she?”

“what?” you questioned

“who was she? The girl you kissed”

“that has nothing to do with you”

Ellie made eye contact with you for the first time in a long time

“it fucking does. We- i- I thought we had something”

“We have fucking nothing Ellie” you replied harshly

“you make me feel unwanted, and so I moved one”

You watched Ellie turn around to walk away and before you closed the door, she ran back to you, grabbing your face for a kiss.

She pulled away looking at you with wide eyes “I’m sorry” was all she said before she ran away.

☆ Loser Ellie who ignored your calls and texts.

☆ Loser Ellie who buys you things that she thinks you would like and she just kept it in her room hoping she’d get the guts to face you again.

☆ Loser Ellie who wrote you letter but she never sent them to you.

☆ Loser Ellie who tries not to cry when she sees pictures of you and other people.

☆ Loser Ellie who has a photo album dedicated to pictures that she thinks you would like. It was a collection of flowers, stuffed animals, memes just things that reminded her of you.

☆ Loser Ellie who loses her shit when she can’t find the letter she wrote you.

“Dina where’s the letters?” she yelled as she threw her clothes from her closet onto the floor.

“I gave it to her”

“what?”

“Ellie-“Dina sighed “you’re losing your fucking mind because of her, I had to do something”

☆ Loser Ellie who wasn’t even mad because you arrived at her apartment.

Before you could even open your mouth Ellie confessed:

“I’m in love with you”

you chuckled at her confession “I know els I read the letters”

And just like that you kissed her. It was a real kiss. Ellie didn’t want you to pull away but you had to tell her something

“in one of the letters you said that I’m the light in your life, that was very poetic” Ellie blushed before she replied

“yeah you are, but can I kiss you again?”

☆ Loser Ellie who asked you to be her girlfriend the next day with a poster because she couldn’t ask you the question.

☆ Loser Ellie who started punching the air when you said yes forgetting you were there. She was very embarrassed afterwards.

☆ Loser Ellie whose palms were so sweaty the first time you held her hand that you kept wiping your hands off.

☆ Loser Ellie who gains more confidence while being with you.

☆ Loser Ellie who has polaroids of you all over her room.

☆ Loser Ellie who has one of your sweaters that she sleeps with every night because she missed you and she was too scared to ask if you wanted to come over.

☆ Loser Ellie who waits at her phone for you to respond.

☆ Loser Ellie who doesn’t always text first because she doesn’t to annoy you.

☆ Loser Ellie who paints her nails your favorite color.

☆ Loser Ellie who secretly gets your initial tattooed behind her ear.

☆ Loser Ellie who buys you both matching outfits, bracelets, shoes, literally she wants to match everything with you.

nsfw:

☆ Loser Ellie who almost combusts when you wore lingerie for the first time.

“holy shit” she breathed when you walked out the bathroom.

“you like it?” you asked with a shy smile.

“I fucking love it, now come fuck me”

☆ Loser Ellie who’s a switch.

☆ Loser Ellie who likes when you ride her because she gets to suck your tits.

☆ Loser Ellie who loves it when she can leave hickeys on you (especially between your thighs)

☆ Loser Ellie who gets most of her pleasure from giving you pleasure.

☆ Loser Ellie who sucks your fingers after you made her cum multiple times.

☆ Loser Ellie who can stay hours in between your legs.

☆ Loser Ellie who’s scared to try new things.

“I want to try something new” she spoke one afternoon

“what?”

Suddenly Ellie went quiet. Should she really ask you?

“i- um- if you d-don’t want to its ok”

“Ellie talk”

“sit on my face please?”

☆ Loser Ellie who like it when you sit on her face. She could die this way honestly, being suffocated by you.

☆ Loser Ellie who keeps your underwear, and she has a whole collection.

☆ Loser Ellie who buys lingerie for you because she’d always imagine how’d you look wearing them.

☆ Loser Ellie who keeps the nudes you send her. She has a special folder.

☆ Loser Ellie who has polaroid’s of you in underwear that she uses to get off.

☆ Loser Ellie who gets turned on when you breathe, so she’s constantly ready to pounce on you when you give her the chance.

☆ Loser Ellie who can never get tired of you.

☆ Loser Ellie who wished she’d met you earlier

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azertyrobaz · 1 year

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Not at her.

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auteurdelabre · 3 months

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So much to lose part 4 - Mean!Joel x f!Reader

Pairing: Dark!Joel x f!Reader

Rating: 18+

Words: 6.5k

a/n: hope you like it and that you’re enjoying where I’m takin’ this.

masterlist here

Chapter 3 here

-----------------------------------

Chapter 4: Early Riser

It's earlier than usual when you wake up, disturbed by the events of yesterday. You try to fall back asleep but it proves impossible. No matter how many times you shift, rearrange your blankets or fluff up your pillows, you simply cannot go back to sleep. Your mind is already awake with vivid memories of yesterday's patrol assaulting you every time you blink.

Make me come.

Blink.

You want me to fuck that smart mouth?

Blink.

No smart mouth unless you want it fucked dumb.

Blink.

With a groan, you finally pull yourself from bed, letting your feet dangle on the edge of the mattress before finally shoving off and hitting the chilled floor. You shower and dress quickly deciding that the dining hall will be emptier, that perhaps you'll have a bit of quiet to read and eat this morning if you feel like it.

You slip your current paperback into your jacket pocket before heading out the door. Your feet crunching over the solidifying earth as you walk along the path that leads into town. It’s chilly this morning and drizzling with the droplets stinging the high of your cheekbones. There aren’t many people milling about as you near the center of town, but you know the dining hall opens at 5 am.

When you reach the dining hall you're surprised to see about fifty people inside, some chatting over their meal, others quietly chewing, some gathered around the long table with the food options. You'd assumed it would be even emptier given the hour, but it seemed you're not the only early riser in Jackson today.

You step in, shaking off the droplets that cling to your jacket. Already the dining hall is much warmer and inviting than the outside.

You hear your name being called from the far side of the room and you tilt your head to see Jennifer waving at you, backlit by the morning sun streaming in the window behind her. She looks almost angelic. You pause like a caged animal, unsure of whether or not to reply. You don’t really know Jennifer.

A few heads turn when she calls to you again, curious. You're not well known here yet, you still feel that same anxious panic at being perceived by so many eyes.

You give a half-hearted wave to Jennifer before going over to the large wood table and pull out a metal tray. With efficiency you pull one of the pre-packaged breakfasts consisting of eggs, jerky and a pancake with syrup.

You grab one of the chipped mugs beside the makeshift carafe and pour yourself a cup of the tea before placing everything on a tray.

Jennifer calls your name again, motioning for you to join her as others nearby look on. Surprised at the attention you do, feeling much like you did in high school when the popular girls deigned to speak to you, that same flutter in your stomach, the same constriction of your throat.

"Hi Jennifer," you croak as you approach.

"Hi," she says your name brightly, taking a sip of her tea before sitting across from her. "I don't think I've ever seen you here in the mornings."

"Not this early usually," you mumble. "I usually sleep in."

"Bad sleep?"

"Kinda," you say shrugging. You take a slow sip of the hot tea, hoping this will slow down her questioning. But Jennifer is just shooting that vague Mona Lisa smile at you.

"How was patrol?"

You try not to look stricken at the question. Instead you turn your attention to your eggs, stabbing at them until the yellow yolk runs over the plate.

"Was okay. Kinda boring."

Jennifer nods, and you can see that she's really just fishing. She's trying to be polite in asking you questions, but you know that how you feel about things isn't what interests her at all

"Does Joel talk much during them?"

"You want me to fuck that pretty mouth dumb?"

"No," you say with warming cheeks. "Barely at all."

You glance up to see that Jennifer has a faraway look at her eyes. Likely imagining the romantic scenario of the tall, dark and brooding Joel Miller. You want to break her illusion, inform her that there's nothing nice about a man who treats you like garbage.

But for girls like Jennifer, she'll never understand that. She won't understand that men can be cruel just as easily as they can be kind because beauty like hers is favored, even cherished.

You muse that perhaps if she was paired up with Joel and patrols that there might be the chance for a romance. That he might be taken in by her beauty and her quick smile. That he would be soft for her, perhaps even gentle. You imagine that he wouldn't cover her eyes and whisper husky vulgarities in her ear before spilling himself over her knuckles.

No, with Jennifer he'd be slow and syrupy. He'd teach her to shoot with infinite patience, his hand caressing her hip as he showed her the proper stance.

Joel isn't ugly, but he isn't the most handsome man at Jackson, nor the youngest. Jennifer could have her pick of men you think, with her angelic features and youth. It puzzles you that she'd want to pursue such a man here when in the before time she likely never would have spared him a glance.

"Can I ask what interests you about Joel so much?"

Jennifer is surprised by this question, her focus drawing back to you.

"Sure," Jennifer says with a shy smile. "I guess ever since I got here I've heard stories about Joel Miller. Joel Miller the smuggler, the expert marksman, the fighter. Then I see how sweet he is with Ellie and I think 'how can two such opposites fit into one man?' One remarkably sexy man."

You stare at Jennifer, not having expected such a thought-out explanation. She shoots you a toothy smile.

"I've seen him with the horses too. He's always so focused, so stern but gentle. Can you imagine what someone like that would be like in the bedroom?" At this she gives a small titter before covering her mouth with her hand.

You try not to look repulsed. You have a feeling you know exactly how Joel Miller would be in the bedroom. You've already had somewhat of a preview and you can't say you're impressed.

"Plus let's be honest," Jennifer adds in a voice sharper than before, less sweet around the edges. "There's not much else to do around here unless you have a hobby or you like manual labor. Studying Joel is fun."

The way she talks about him makes him sound like a science experiment. A thesis topic she wants to fuck. You think of all the men that you've seen with her in the Tipsy Bison. Has she ever really cared for any of them? Or have they all been stories, theories, puzzles to solve?

She's welcome to Joel though. Maybe if she cracks him she can share some insights.

You turn back to your breakfast, thoughts on your week ahead. You think you need to find a new hobby. Maybe you can volunteer in the nursery? Your mind drifts to Chestnut and his sweet disposition. The only good thing to come out of patrols is getting to spend time riding again. You'd forgotten how much you missed that. Maybe you could volunteer taking care of the horses?

Jennifer sighs thoughtfully to herself, drawing your attention back over to her. You realize you know so little about Jennifer aside from the fact that she does patrols and wants to fuck Joel. She’s making such an effort with you that you feel poorly for not doing the same.

"What did you do before patrols?"

"I used to be in textiles," she chews thoughtfully. "Whenever folks in town needed stuff repaired or they need tents or curtains. Kinda whatever was necessary. I still do it sometimes if they need help."

You nod, chewing your breakfast. “Why did they move you to patrols?"

"I'm pretty good with a shot. Had riding experience."

"You know how to shoot?"

Jennifer nods, smiling proudly. "Yep. Grew up with three brothers in Louisiana. They used to take me hunting. We didn't have any money so if we didn't catch anything we didn't eat, so I learned pretty quick. It's why I know how to sew too; had to make all my own clothes."

You look at Jennifer's beautiful face and delicate bone structure and are struck by how much you assumed about her. You saw her as gorgeous and charismatic and just assumed that she was a spoiled princess.

"Maybe you could teach me to shoot?" You say before catching yourself. You don't know her well enough to ask that. You barely know her at all.

"Sure," she says with a nod. She doesn't seem put off at all. In fact she's even smiling. "How about tomorrow?"

"Sure!"

All of a sudden you see Jennifer's light eyes go to the door of the dining hall. Her lashes flutter and a flush starts at her collar.

"He's here."

"Who?"

"Joel."

"He is?" You wince, immediately ducking. As if ducking your head slightly will hide you in the fairly sparse dining hall.

What the fuck is Joel doing here? He's never at the dining hall. In all your time here you've seen him maybe half a dozen times eating with everyone else and it's usually because Tommy is talking his ear off.

"Are you sure it's him?"

"Yeah." She watches the space over your left shoulder, her light eyes following his frame as he grabs something to eat. You feel your stomach flip uncomfortably. "Hey maybe you could bring up the whole patrol swap thing with him?"

"I don't really wanna bug him while he's eating," you say taking a bite of your eggs. "Plus I don't know if Joel has any control over it anyway."

If you had your choice you'd never have to interact with Joel again. You'd never go on another patrol, never have to be in his presence.

There's a certain respect people have for Joel Miller in Jackson. Not just because he's Tommy's brother, but because his reputation precedes him. Joel is known as ruthless, a killer. Never specifics, just this air of danger in whispers. And he looks the part at times. All muscles and sharp jaw. How he keeps to himself, how he always seems ready to snap into action mode.

You suppose it's Ellie that humanizes him. When people catch sight of them walking through the main part of town and Ellie is laughing and the side of Joel's mouth curls just so, it makes people remember he's a man just like them. That they've all had to do terrible things to survive.

It makes the women look longer, eyes drifting over his ruggedly handsome face, his strangely expressive eyes, his broad shoulders. It makes women like Jennifer think oh he's so strong but so loving. It fits the narrative they carry in their heads of this wounded bear who just needs the love of a good woman.

You want to laugh at every single one of them. You want to jeer at just how mislead they are because you know the real Joel Miller. Ruthless was the right word from the start.

Ellie is an outlier, a strange bit of data that doesn't make sense. It doesn't fit with how you see Joel. You don't see what he gets out of it. Ellie gets a father figure, a protector. But what does Joel get?

Nothing seems untoward between them, you feel like you would have picked up on it. So then why does he have this adopted daughter? Joel doesn't like things that make his life more difficult, you've seen that first hand. And Ellie can be difficult - loud and abrasive. You heard her frustrated with him that day in the greenhouse. And yet his eyes hold affection, even love.

You never really noticed Joel before your patrols, your thoughts were always somewhere else. You were always "away with the fairies" as you gran used to say. Daydreaming or thinking about your day and what you needed to accomplish.

Life is comfortable here in Jackson and because of that, you find it a bit terrifying. Because the years previous have not been relaxing. The years previous have been a minefield of terror.

Terror you don't let yourself think about too much. A life where death had been preferable. Death you once almost willingly walked into.

But now? You have a warm bed and a home and you wake up not plagued by nightmares as much. You can breathe and you can live and now that you have something sacred for yourself the thought of death terrifies you. There's so much to lose.

Jennifer smooths her hair, her eyes darting from her plate to Joel and back again.

"He keeps looking over here," she says in an excited whisper with a pretty pink rising to her cheeks. "Something tells me he'll be okay with the change."

You could roll your eyes at that. Of course Joel was looking over here at Jennifer. You're not surprised that he would be so easily swayed by a pair of beautiful blue eyes.

You think about denying her but then you remember how easily she agreed to help teach you to shoot. This is such a small ask on her part.

"Okay. Sure. Just a sec."

You take a studying breath before pushing yourself up from your chair. You follow her eye line behind your shoulder to see that Joel is sitting by himself on the far left of the tables. He’s wearing a dark flannel and his hair is tousled, likely from a fitful sleep like yours though you can’t imagine why he’d be upset. At least he got to come.

No one bothers him while he sits there; no one tries to chat with him as he shovels his meal into his downturned mouth. He gives off an energy that says leave me alone and all abide. Some give a passing “morning” that he nods in reply to.

On stiff legs you make your way over to him stopping just short of his elbow at the table. You shove your trembling hands into the pockets of your jeans and force a pleasant smile on your face.

"Hi Joel."

Joel lifts his eyes from his plate as if just registering your presence. You doubt that's the case though. You think that Joel pays attention to everything in his surroundings and probably saw you the second you started shuffling over.

"Mornin'."

How can he look at you so casually? As if yesterday never happened? How can his cheeks not flush with embarrassment after the lewd things he whispered in your ear?

"You got a sec?"

"Considering you've cornered me while I'm eating I think you know I do."

Asshole.

He's so fucking prickly. Even now as you try to smile politely and attempt to talk to him kindly. It makes your forced smile wobble.

Enough chit chat, down to business.

"Uh, you see that girl, Jennifer?" you subtly motion behind you. "The pretty one? She uh, she wants to be matched up with you on patrols. She told me. She's from B watch."

Joel doesn't glance where you've motioned over at Jennifer. Instead he stares icily up at you, as if the suggestion offends him. It makes you shrink back, feeling wrong -footed and desperate to fill the silence.

"I just figured cuz, well, you and I don't exactly get along..." You trail off, voice cracking as your thumb digs into the ring finger of your left hand. "Thought you might want to... well, ya know ... Switch."

Joel chews thoughtfully, his eyes fixed on your face. You shift from foot to foot feeling as if all eyes are on you. You glance around to see that no one is giving you much mind. Most are interested in their own conversations.

The only one watching you is Jennifer who pretends to drink her tea. You look back to see that Joel is still staring at you.

"She has hunting experience and she's good on a horse and... She's really pretty," you offer weakly.

He raises a brow minutely at this but still doesn't turn his gaze from your face. You feel your cheeks getting warm. You don't know why you supplied that information for him. Anyone with two eyes can see that Jennifer is pretty.

He says nothing to you. Doesn't even acknowledge what you've said before he goes back to his meal, eyes dropping to his eggs. He chews quietly, one hand resting on the table, the other gripping his fork tightly.

You stand for several seconds at his table like a chastised child, as if your penance for bothering him with this is public humiliation. Finally Joel drags his eyes slowly up your body to your face.

"Why are you still standin' there?"

Your cheeks prickle with shame as you turn away from him. You move rapidly and bypass Jennifer's table entirely, your legs carrying you out into the chill of the day and away from Joel's searing gaze.

You won’t get shooting lessons from Jennifer now. You can’t face her, can’t tell her how he talked to you. It would be too humiliating. And she’s probably furious at you for rushing away without helping her on her quest to conquer Miller mountain.

Your heart is beating rapidly in both anger and shame. You maneuver your way through the growing crowd of people in town, the late risers. You feel a hand suddenly clutch at your wrist.

"Hey!"

You glance to your left to see Ellie looking at you, eyes dancing. She loosens her grip on your wrist.

"Hey," she says saying your name again but louder. "I was hoping I'd see ya."

"Oh yeah?"

You speak tightly, trying not to snap because right now all you want to do is go home. Joel makes you feel so annoying, he makes you feel small. But Ellie does none of those things. Ellie is sweet and open and earnest.

"I wanted to know what those pop tarts were made of?"

You're touched that she remembered your conversation and you soften a bit, smiling a fraction. You wish that you did remember if only to make her happy.

"No I'm sorry," you tell her looking chagrined. "Just ate 'em, never made 'em."

"Damn."

"I'm assuming its flour and sugar and stuff you need more most pastries," you shrug. "And then icing. I'm sorry I'm not more helpful."

"S'okay,' Ellie shrugs.

She looks thoughtful and then bids you a quiet goodbye, shuffling towards the dining hall.

///

You observe that Maria hasn't been at meals since the baby was born. Not totally a shock considering it's only been two weeks. But Tommy's words cluster in your mind, compelling you to his house.

You think of your Aunt Sunny. Your favorite person from before. The aunt that sang Disney songs at the top of her lungs in the car with you. The aunt that took you for ice cream on hot days. The aunt that felt more like a sister.

The same aunt that years later tried to kill herself after her daughter was born. The aunt who was on so much medication she just stared out the hospital window when you went to visit her.

It was almost a year before she came back to herself. A year before aunt Sunny was smiling and happy again. So you knew the signs.

You arrive on Tommy's doorstep early the next morning, a handful of paper flowers ready when he opens the door. He looks surprised to see you and it's no wonder because you barely know he and Maria.

But your mind has been fixed on what's going on with Maria and you'd felt compelled to come over, your feet leading you here even though your mind tossed around whether or not it was a good idea.

"Hi there," Tommy says with a quirked smile as he opens the door to you.

"I came to see how you were all uh, holding up," you say suddenly self conscious about your presence here. "I brought these. Too cold to bring real flowers so I had to improvise."

You thrust the bouquet of various shades of pink and white into Tommy's grip. He takes them curiously, his eyes drifting to the colorful collection.

"Holy shit," he says with amusement as he takes a closer look at the bundle. "These made ‘a paper?"

"Yeah, I used to make them all the time when I was a kid," you say grinning. "Thought Maria would like them."

Tommy grins back before hollering over his shoulder. “Baby, we got a visitor."

Tommy looks back at you, inviting you inside with genuine warmth and you accept. He heads off into the bedroom and you hear a mumbled conversation behind the door.

“It’s okay if you don’t feel up for a visit,” you call out before wincing. You don’t want to force Maria to come out if she’s not feeling up to it.

“No I’m comin’!” Marie calls back through the door and you relax a fraction.

You wander into the main area of the home, marveling at how cheery and welcoming it is. Paintings of horses and landscapes are on the walls, the fireplace is roaring and you take a chair nearby, grateful for the warmth.

Moments later Maria comes padding into the room looking cheerful despite the hollow under her eyes. She's wearing a large dressing gown and her hair is freshly washed. She moves slowly, shuffling in her thick wool socks.

"Hi."

Tommy comes following with his son in his arms. Maria kisses Tommy's cheek before she comes to sit in the chair opposite you.

"Thanks for visiting," she says in a tired voice. "And for those beautiful flowers. They must have taken you forever."

"It's great to see you," you tell Maria, trying not to sound patronizing. "And the flowers are fun to make."

You'd spent hours at your kitchen table with colorful paper spread across the wood surface, making intricate little origami flowers of all varietals. You’d learned one year at summer camp, found more often in the arts and crafts tent while everyone else went off swimming and to archery.

"So this is the bundle of joy," you say as Tommy approaches, gently rocking his son in his broad arms.

"Bundle of somethin'" he laughs, looking at Maria with warmth. "Doesn't like to sleep much, does he honey?"

"Not much," Maria agrees with a soft sigh. "S'my fault. I'm not patient enough with him."

"You're plenty patient," Tommy soothes. In this light he reminds you a bit of Joel and you think it must be the curls in the hair. You try not to hold the resemblance against him.

You notice Maria doesn't look at the baby and you feel your heart hurt for her.

"I didn't wanna bug you or anything," you say, feeling strangely tongue tied. "It's just... I thought maybe you'd want someone to chat with."

Maria eyes you warily from under half lidded eyes. "Why's that?"

Panic seizes you as Tommy quirks a nervous brow. He’d told you everything in confidence an his anxiety is so palpable you feel like he’s communicating with you through his eyes; he doesn’t want to stress Maria out. He doesn’t want his already fragile wife thinking that he’s airing all their dirty laundry with a stranger.

"I just mean when Tommy's busy," you offer awkwardly, trying not to let Maria cotton onto the fact that Tommy shared anything. "I figured you might want some company then. But maybe that's just wishful thinking because I don't really know many people here yet. So really it's just me inviting myself over so I'm not lonely and I'm using the baby as an excuse."

Maria stares at you for a lingering moment before letting out a snorting laugh. Tommy smiles at this, his eyes on his wife who is chuckling at you. She leans back in her chair, her hands lacing over her still slightly swollen belly.

"You're an odd one, aren't you?"

"I guess, yeah," you say back to her with a toothy grin. You’re relieved the tension has seemed to pass. The baby makes a grunting noise in Tommy's arms, squirming to get comfortable. Maria notices you looking at the baby and a warmth passes over her features.

"You wanna hold him? I just fed him."

You haven't held a baby in decades. Not since you were a kid yourself looking at your new baby brother.

"Oh I... That's okay, I don't wanna drop him," you say anxiously.

"You won't drop him," Tommy assures with a gentle chuckle. You scoot back in your chair, nervously taking the baby into your stiff arms as Maria watches on. The weight of him is barely anything, so slight that you’re concerned he might just fly away out of your grip. Tommy goes to sit near Maria, smiling at the image of you and his son.

He's so small, milk-drunk and sleeping soundly wrapped up in a soft green blanket. He makes little grunts in his sleep and the sound makes you smile. He smells like baby powder and you can help but bring him to your face and inhale.

Life does find a way.

Through the ugly planet inhabited by all forms of depravity and monsters there is this new life, pure and hopeful. A new beginning. You can't help but feel teary-eyed as you look into his sleeping face, your finger brushing the delicate caramel skin, the full lips pouting in slumber.

"He's beautiful." You marvel at how perfect his tiny hands are, holding a miniscule finger pinched gently between your digits. You glance to Tommy across from you. "What was his name again?"

"Douglas Joel Miller," Tommy says proudly. "Douglas for Maria's dad and Joel for, well, you know."

Yeah. You know.

Your lack of a response must draw his attention because Tommy tilts his head slightly as he regards you.

"You and Joel getting along any better?"

Uh, well I made him come and he talked about fucking my mouth does that count?

You shrug, eyes still fixed on the sleeping baby. Anything that comes out of your mouth now will be a lie and you have no desire to lie to this family.

"He can be tough," Tommy says with a shake of his head. "Didn't always used to be like that."

You don't ask any follow up questions because you don't care to know more about Joel. You'd rather he not occupy your thoughts when you're not with him. And yet Ellie's face swims into your head. The sweet girl with rough edges. The outlier in your Joel Miller data.

"So is Ellie his daughter or what?"

"Kinda adopted," Tommy nods. "They've been through a lot together. Seen a lot."

That doesn't answer much but it answers enough. You nod, prepared to drop the subject.

"His daughter was killed by a soldier," Maria says out of nowhere. "I think he-"

"Maria," Tommy says harshly. "That's not your information to share."

Maria's face immediately crumples and fat tears begin to roll down her face. You've never seen Maria cry, the strong stoic woman and it takes you momentarily by surprise. Her dark eyes drift to the floor and her hands go from lacing over her tummy to fisting her eyes as she sobs.

"I'm sorry Tommy."

"No, I'm sorry," Tommy says immediately hating himself and kneeling next to her chair, taking her hand in his. "I shouldn't have snapped."

Maria is crying softly and you feel like you have to assuage their fears.

"I won't say anything," you assure them both. "That information stays here. I promise. I'll never mention it; I'll pretend you never told me."

Tommy’s pinched face shoots you a nod while Maria gives you a tight, watery smile.

"Thank you."

You and Tommy watch as she pushes herself up from the couch. She gives Tommy a kiss before turning to you, still wiping away the bits of remaining tears that have tracked down her dark cheeks.

"It was really nice seeing you. I'm a bit tired though so I'm gonna head back to bed."

"Sounds good," you nod. "Have a good rest. Maybe I'll stop by again if that’s okay?"

"Yeah I think I'd like that," Maria says over her shoulder.

You and Tommy watch her shuffle back to the bedroom and you feel that your visit should end but Tommy seems eager for the company. He offers you a tea, settling back into his chair as you continue to hold the baby only after you politely decline.

"Joel says you're good on a horse," Tommy says with a smile as Douglas gives a stretch in your arms. You watch the baby, distracted until Tommy’s words finally register with you. Joel said something about you to Tommy?

"He did?"

"Yeah, said you were a natural on Chestnut."

It's hard to imagine Joel talking about you willingly, much less praising something you've done.

"Oh, yeah." You look down at the baby, tracing his cheek with a forefinger. "I had lessons as a kid. Did a bit more riding to get here."

Tommy nods, eyeing you thoughtfully. "You still want me to see if I can find someone else to switch with you?"

Yes. Yes. Please yes.

You want to shout it from the rooftops. You don't want another minute of patrols with Joel. You can't imagine how your next patrol won't be awkward.

But then you see the lines at the corner of Tommy's eyes. You think of Maria curled in her bed with tears running down her cheeks. You think of the stress and pain they're already going through and you can't add to their burdens.

"Nah its okay," you offer quietly.

"You sure?"

"Yeah. S'fine."

Your eyes scan Douglas's placid face. Before you can help yourself you've pressed a kiss to the infant's forehead.

"I should head out," you say smiling wanly.

"Thanks for stoppin' by," Tommy says taking Douglas from your arms. And you can see in his face that he's being sincere. You can only imagine how alone he feels right now trying to navigate this.

"Any time," you tell him honestly. "I mean it."

///

You'd never really noticed Joel that often before your patrols but now it's like you see him everywhere this week.

You see him walking into town nearby so you ducked into the nearest shop under the pretense of needing tampons. At breakfast (which you've never seen him at before this week) but now have caught sight of him at least 3 times. Trying to be social and going in to get a drink at the Tipsy Bison only to see Joel's familiar head of salt and pepper curls and immediately fleeing back outside.

He haunts your dreams too. Sharp teeth and fingers like claws. You don't know what the dreams are but you wake up with sweat-drenched sheets and a pounding heart.

The morning of your patrol you wake up to an especially upsetting dream. This one doesn't involve Joel but it does involve the time before Jackson.

It has you lurching out of bed and pulling on clothes under the light of the breaking sunrise streaming in your windows.

Your breath puffs in front of you as you head out into the chill of the morning, eyes puffy from lack of sleep, hair tangled from tossing all night.

But the thought of something brings you an idea of peace. Since your last patrol your thoughts have been stuck on Chestnut. You'd never considered hanging around the stables before because it always seemed to be for those with a connection to the animals. Those who brush their coats and feed them and muck out the stalls.

You yourself had taken horse riding lessons as a kid until your parents separated and suddenly there wasn't money for lessons or dance class. Your mom seeing your disappointed face each afternoon tried to cheer you up by teaching you to bake.

But Chestnut and his sweet disposition draw your feet into your boots, tugging your jacket on, twisting your red scarf around your neck as you leave early one morning.

His head is sticking out of the pen as you arrive, as if he's been waiting for you all morning. His auburn mane dances lightly in the breeze from outside. The colors catch the light, gold and burgundy twisting and shimmering in the light. Your mouth breaks into a wide grin as you approach, hand extended.

"Hello handsome," you say softly as you draw nearer. You press your forehead to his soft nose, smiling. It's all you can reach from where you stand outside the pen.

Chestnut gives a small whinny, his breath puffing in the chill of the morning.

"It's getting cold, huh?" You say, rubbing at his cheek. "Hope you're not too chilly in here."

Chestnuts baleful eyes stare out at you like glossy dark brown marbles. You see your face there, warped slightly. You look tired and worried.

He gives a small whinny, stretching his face down towards you. The pen hits him at his chest, making it possible only to touch his soft nose and head. You smile at the velvet of his muzzle, the warmth of the air huffing over your knuckles.

"I hope it snows soon," you confess, hand sliding down the white stripe between his eyes. "Makes everything feel clean."

Chestnut dips his head towards you, mouth attaching to your hand, searching for something to eat. You giggle softly at the tickling sensation of his lips grazing over your flattened palm.

"You ready for today? Hmmm? Maybe I'll sneak you a carrot if you're go-"

All of a sudden a head pops up beside the horse from inside the pen attached to a familiar broad-shouldered figure.

You're not expecting that anyone would be in here. Definitely not Joel fucking Miller. He stands next to Chestnut looking at you like you've broken into his home with an axe.

"Jesus!" You cry out, startled by his sudden appearance. "You're like a pop up book from hell!"

Joel's mouth twitches into almost a smile before pressing back into that familiar scowl.

"What are you doing in there?" You ask accusingly as if he meant to terrify you.

"Re-shoeing him for this afternoon."

"Oh."

You stand there awkwardly, feeling wrong footed for no reason, because it's Joel that should feel out of place. He was the one that took his sweet time letting you know he was there.

You glance from Chestnut back over to see Joel giving you an unreadable look, as if he's trying to figure you out. It makes you uncomfortable and you pull the jacket tighter around you.

You haven't made mention of the last patrol. Haven't felt that it was necessary. Or maybe it's that mentioning it feels humiliating. Joel must feel the same way because he's made no mention of it either. He busies himself with brushing at chestnuts withers, his eyes fixed on the large horse in front of him.

"Can't seem to shake you.”

"Didn't know you were in here," you mutter in reply, irritated that your good mood is spoiled.

You go to leave because you sure as hell don't want to spend more time with him than necessary. You already have to spend your afternoon and early evening with him. You don't want more Joel Miller in your life if it can be avoided.

"Ellie's been talkin' about you a lot," Joel says out of nowhere.

This surprises you into stopping and waiting. "Really?"

"She won't stop going on about fucking pop tarts." Joel's face is hard as he says the words. He lowers the brush in his hand and fixes you with a dark look. "You can't go talking about that stuff with her."

"About pastries?"

"The world before," Joel snaps at your flippant reply. "Ellie is impressionable. She's curious. But givin' her all that information serves no purpose."

"It makes her educated," you reason. "It's history."

"It makes her want what doesn't exist anymore," Joel fires back. "And then I have to disappoint her when I tell her that she can't experience those things."

And it hurts him.

He doesn't finish the thought but he doesn't need to. It's there in the tic of his jaw, the curling sneer of his lips. He doesn't want you telling Ellie about a life he can't provide for her. He doesn't want his adopted daughter to be heartbroken with no way for him to repair the broken pieces.

It's so human of Joel, so kind and thoughtful that your heart squeezes in your chest as you realize it. Maria's voice echoes around your mind like a whispered story. He lost a daughter.

This isn't your place to reason with Joel or try to change his mind. He's by all accounts her father and as her parents what he says goes.

"Okay."

Joel looks relieved and nods at you. You think about asking him what exactly it is that you can talk to Ellie about but you decide not to push it. You have to be on patrols with him later today and you don't want it to start on a bad note. You watch him brush Chestnut a moment longer.

"Have you ridden horses long?"

You surprise yourself with that question. It pops out of your mouth before you realize that you don't enjoy Joel's company.

You notice the way he's glancing at you in such an insouciant fashion as he fiddles with Chestnut's reins. It reminds you of Teton village and how he looked at you as you stroked him before he covered your eyes. That same casual indifference.

"Long enough."

That's better than fuck off, you decide. But you don't want to push your luck. You just nod and turn away from him, heading back into the cold morning.

"You still want that mouth fucked dumb?"

He says it in a husky murmur so quietly that it takes a moment for you to register that he was talking to you and not muttering something to the horse. When you do realize what he said it stokes something in your lower belly, fiercely hot and honeyed.

Your entire body has gone rigid at his suggestion, your shoulders drawn up to your ears. The visuals of such a request that assault you are enough to have you taking a physical step forward as you imagine it. Your eyes are blown so wide in your skull but you can't turn around and face Joel even as you answer him.

"Yes."

Before he can say anything more you rush off away from him with your cheeks flaming and heart pounding. You walk at a brisk pace feeling his eyes burning a hole in your back the entire way.

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