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#dark humor
just-love-nikki-things · 2 hours ago
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Debating if I should put Nameless Order Faction Intro or nah.
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ababypotatowithpcos · 4 hours ago
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Deleting dating apps so I can meet someone the old fashioned way (standing there on a balcony in summer air, see the lights, see the party and the ball gowns, see someone make their way through the crowd and say hello)
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wildbabyxo · 9 hours ago
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Look at that demon tryna pretendin to be an angel😂😈🤭💖
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insomneous · 9 hours ago
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Dear Goths, Can Confirm, dead..!!
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bakamabuchi · 10 hours ago
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do our teachers actually know that the world wont end if they just end the class on the given time rather than extending it for 5 minutes at least 
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fennekinstudioz · 12 hours ago
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This poem is for my dearest Alex..
Your eyes.. They shine like a- oh wait a minute.
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malaphorsandboredom · 13 hours ago
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So one of my coworkers tried to scan me with our scanny gun thing.
And he said "oh, I can't scan you because you're priceless"
And my gremlin ass starts pulling my shorts up and goes
No, you're scanning the wrong part
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leolovesthings · 14 hours ago
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One of my favourite types of "challenges" in Sims 3 (I don't think I got to that point in 2) was to make a family skip a generation. Unfortunately, that means making a parent and immediately killing them, but oh well.
One of my fav fams used to be an old ginger lady with a small dog and a goody two shoes ginger granddaughter (middle school). They lived in a small cozy house and their main source of income used to be a tiny cafeteria they run together. Kid cycling there after school to clean the place up, learning to bake cupcakes to sell them alongside granny's pies, that sort of thing.
So, I decided to set something like that, maybe. Made a stern, mean old trans lady, who'd be looking out for her own turf, her good for nothing clubbing serial lover middle-aged son, and his daughter, a teenage sweetheart, still very childish. Also, big, puffy, smart, but naughty dog.
First off, dad died in a fire. Grandma got a loan and went off to buy the kid her first pads and walk the dog, while I made their old fashioned and tacky, orange and pink, apartment. Both of them are not fond of cooking, but kid made some grab. Dog supposedly learned not to bark.
And then I decided to give granny some background. She's a biologist, with a degree, working to improve neighborhood's ecology. She must have developed some skills, right? Don't want to make it too easy, so instead of direct edits, I randomize it... and find out she is a pro at amphetamine dealing. And researching various drugs. Plays guitar so well she can lullaby you to sleep whether you want it or not. She still can't cook for shit, doesn't knit much. Very good at parenting, somehow.
So, at the end of the day, granny eats dinner with her granddaughter, picks at her appearance and reprimands her for talking back. Also, she discovered religion, and while her religion skill is not that high, she can still chastise the kid for unfitting behaviour. Kid's crying and unwinding in the bathtub, as grandma's playing with the dog, happy as a clam. I feel as if something here went wrong.
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blackhakumen · 21 hours ago
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Mini Fanfic #785: Enter the Devil (Super Smash Bros Ultimate)
3:34 p.m. at The Smash Mansion's Dining Hall.......
Hades: A Family Vacation, you say?
Bowser: Yep. Mario's thinking about taking all of us somewhere eventful for the summer. Hope it's the beach resort.
Sephiroth: (Gently Rubbing the Top of Pichu's Head) Ah the beach..... A place well know for peaceful paradise.
Ridley: (Raised an Eyebrow at the One Winged Beside him in Confusion) You make it sound like you've never been to.one before.
Sephiroth: That's because I've haven't. I've been too preoccupied by all the chaotic events that happened in my life that the thought of going to one has never occurred to me until now. (Smiles a Little) Still, it would be nice to spend our days there. Spending more time with my son and whatnot. (Kiss the Top of Pichu's Head)
Pichu: (Giggles Ticklishly by Sephiroth's Kiss)
Mewtwo: (Crosses his Arm in an Uninterested Manner) I agree. It seems more like a well balance choice for a vacation if anything.
Hades: (Smirks Playfully at Mewtwo While Bumping his Shoulder With His) Well, look at you wanting to do stuff for once~ You have a change of heart or something?
Mewtwo: (Starts Getting a Bit Annoyed by Hades) I only wanted this so I can spend more time with Zelda and Toon. Nothing more.
Dark Samus: ................
Bowser: Ah don't say that, DS. I'm sure you'll look good on any swimsuit you wanna wear.
Ridley: (Starts Snickering) Or none at all....
Bowser: (Smacks Ridley Upside the Head)
'SMACK'
Ridley: OW!
Ganondorf: (Sighs Tiredly While Making his Way to his Seat, All While Being Covered in Ashes) I'm back......
Bowser: (Eyes Widened at Ganondorf) Christ, man. What happened to you?
Hades: And where have you been? It's almost like you've been gone for an eternity.
Ganondorf: I had to go out of town for a bit. (Sits Himself Down) I was thrown off a cliff towards a volcano.
Ridley: (Eyes Widened in Complete Shock) SERIOUSLY!? By who?
Ganondorf: (Points at Someone in the Back With an Annoyed Look on his Face) Him.
The gang turns and sees a man, wearing a business suit, a trench coat, and a spikey hairstyle, make his way to the table. All while crossing his arms in a bit of cocky like manner
????: ('Hmph')
Bowser: The hell are you?
Mewtwo: Kazuya Mishima.
Bowser: (Raised an Eyebrow at Mewtwo in Confusion) Kazu what now?
Kazuya: (Sits Himself Down) It's Kazuya Mishima. (Place Both of his Feet on the Table at Once) The head of G-Corp.....(Gives Everyone an Intense Glare) And the last person you want to cross.
Hades: ................. Charming. So I take you're one of the newer contestants in this tournament.
Kazuya: (Simply Nodded) That's right. I simply wanted to see if the fighters here are worth a challenge. (Turns to Ganondorf) So far, I'm not impressed.
Ganondorf: (Starts Glaring at Kazuya) You only say that cause you gotten lucky and won.....
Kazuya: (Starts Smirking) ('Heh') Please. I won because you were pathetically weak. I'd even go as far to say that you're unworthy of title of being "The Dark Lord". If that's really what people been calling you.....
Ridley: (Eyes Widened by Kazuya's Remark) Oh shit.........
Dark Samus: .........................
Ridley: (Turns to Dark Samus) I know, right? That has to be the most disrespectful burn I have ever seen in my life.
Ganondorf starts growling harshly at the man, before........
Bowser: (Immediately Jumps in Between the Two) OKAY! (Chuckles Awkwardly) How about we do a little introduction, huh? I'll go first. My name is Bowser. King Koopa, Father of eight-
Kazuya: I have a father once.....
Bowser: Oh! Uh... really? That's neat-
Kazuya: I killed him with my own bare hands. Leaving him to died in a pool of lava.
Bowser: (Eye Widened in Fear) Oh. Y-You don't say? D-Dare I ask why?
Kazuya: I hate him. With a passion.
Bowser: (Starts Sweating Bullets) ......You know, I would ask questions....But I can clearly see that it's...('Gulp') A tad bit personal for.....
Kazuya: ('Hmph') A wise choice for you to make, Turtle.
Bowser: B-But my name's Bowser.....
Kazuya: Don't care.
Bowser: (Whispers a bit in Fear)
Hades: Daddy issues and cold blooded murderer, all into one.......All in favor of having the bastard join our club, say 'Aye'!
Everyone in the Club: Aye.
Ganondorf: (Eyes Widened at Complete Shock as He Slams His Fist on the Table) WHAT!? Did you all forgot what he done to me earlier!? I could've been dead!!
Mewtwo: In all fairness, those feats does qualify him as a villain.
Bowser: Murdering your old man is pretty hardcore in villain standards.
Ridley: (Nodded in Agreement) Incredibly so.
Dark Samus: ..............................
Bowser: See, even Dark Samus agrees.
Hades: Plus, he did managed to beat you in a one-on-one fight. No use in faulting him for that.
Ganondorf: (Turns to Sephiroth for Assistance)
Sephiroth: (Simply Shrugs) I'd say we let him join. (Smirks a Little) He could benefit us in the long run.
Pichu: (Happily Nodded in Agreement) Pichu!~
The Dark Lord looks back and forth at the gang and Kazuya for a couple of seconds before groaning in utter defeat.
Ganondorf: ('Ugggh') (Pinching his Nose) I can't believe I'm saying this, but....(Sighs While Taking his Hand off his Nose) I suppose we could add another member to the league. Especially someone with a decent amount a strength. (Turns to Kazuya) What do you say? Are you in?
Kazuya: ('Hmph') I suppose I can accept the offer. As long as you agree to not get in my way.
Ganondorf: (Pull his Hand Out Towards Kazuya) Deal.
As Kazuya reluctantly about to shake his hand, he suddenly felt hard squeeze in Ganondorf's grasp.
Ganondorf: (Squeezes Kazuya Hand While Giving him an Intense Glare) Don't think for a second that I'll give you my respects just because you've obtain a lucky victory. Next time we fight, I WILL crush you.
Kazuya: You're never gonna let this go, aren't you? ('Heh') Fine by me. (Squeezes Ganondorf's Hand Back with an Iron Grip) You can come at me anytime you want. (Gives Ganondorf an Evil Twisted Grin on his Face) I'll be more than happy to keep putting you down on your knees like a dog you are......
Ganondorf: (Starts Gritting his Teeth in Anger) Looks like someone asking for a death wish......
Kazuya: I can say the same for you too, worm. Know your place.....
Bowser: (Watches the New Form Rivals Glaring at Each Other Intensely Along With Everyone Else) This is not gonna end well.......
Ridley: (Turns to Hades) Are you sure letting the new guy join was a good idea.
Hades: Oh I'm sure. (Smirks Evilly) Something tells me that there's a lot more to this Kazuya fellow than we can ever imagine.......
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