#just doesn’t do anything for me when i do it myself

[greatooglymooglyyy]

The Last Ride Chapter 9 (AU Cowboy!C.Sturniolo)

summary: when spoiled and sheltered city girl Y/N finds herself in running in the wrong crowd, her dad gives her an ultimatum. it's either spend the summer of her gap year on her uncle's ranch or face being cut off and finding a job. just when she thinks it can't get any worse, she meets Chris, the brooding farmhand who thinks he knows her type. but as the summer goes on, they both realize there may be more to the other than meets the eye.

requested and advised by @rootbeerworshiper

contains: cursing, physical fight, verbal altercation, crying, cheating, lots of emotions, kissing, smut!, 6.9k words

a/n: holy shit y'all this is long. sorry. also links aren't working so you might have to go to the browser if you need the masterlist. love y'all

series masterlist

The silence doesn’t last long around us as Uncle Buck and Dad come running towards the commotion. But Chris doesn’t react to their shouts, leaning down and grabbing Jace up by his shirt. I finally make myself known, going to kneel beside Jace until one of Chris’ friends grabs my arm and shakes his head.

“Say it again.” Chris almost begs, his voice dark and dangerous like he’s looking for a reason to hit him again.

Jace’s eyes spew pure hatred back and he curls his lip up in disgust. “Get your fucking hands off me. Do you know who I am?”

“I think you’re a fucking baby who doesn’t know how to respect women.”

For whatever reason that causes Jace to get more upset, as if it isn’t partially true. I feel frozen, like I’m watching a movie unfold in front of me and there’s nothing I can do to affect what happens.

Jace attempts to get up, it’s unclear whether or not he’s trying to get back at Chris again or just simply standing up but the boy on top of him isn’t having any of it.

Chris slams Jace back into the ground, pushing his back into the slightly rocky dirt. “Let me get up asshole” Jace spits out, clearly embarrassed by the crowd of people watching him get his ass kicked.

All that can be heard is a petty laugh from Chris as he looks down at Jace one last time. “Nah. Go ahead. You’re tough. Speak about her that way again and see what happens, pretty boy.”

For once in Jace's entire life… he’s silent. He just looks to the side to avoid eye contact as Chris gets off of him. I thought this was the end, that the nightmare was over, but of course, it’s Jace we’re talking about.

“That bitch would never even like you.” Jace mumbles under his breath, eyes still trained on anything but Chris.

Unsurprisingly Chris looks down at him, both figuratively and literally. What does surprise me, however, is how Chris immediately spits at the pathetic boy on the ground. “Leave my girl the fuck alone, for good.”

This really set Jace off. Despite his inability to commit to a proper relationship, he was always possessive of me. “Your girl? She's only had one dick down her throat and it’s certainly not yours.”

He’s propped up on his elbows now, a familiar smug smirk on his face. All I feel is a pit in my stomach at his words. His words are spoken in front of everyone I care about.

I’m not a slut. It’s only ever been with Jace, and I never once enjoyed it as much as I thought I was supposed to. But Jace always told me I was good. For a long time, his approval was enough for me.

It became less about me finishing and more about having someone to tell me that I was doing a good job. And now he’s sharing my most intimate details in front of all these people. In front of Chris.

I feel eyes on me as the tears well up in my eye sockets, my arms crossed over my body to cover whatever dignity I have left.

Chris takes one look at me standing there watching in horror, before focusing back on Jace who’s now standing up. Jace clearly thinks he’s won this one since he still has a smug smirk even as he wobbles, but his nasty words don’t stand a chance next to the fuming boy who’s walking back towards him.

It all happens so fast, Chris’ sharp boot being kicked into Jace's side with full force. Jace is knocked back into the dirt as Chris shows no sign of stopping his painful movements.

Within a few seconds, my uncle is walking toward Chris to pull him back by his shoulders. “Get the fuck off me!” Chris yells out, eager to return to where he left off.

But Uncle Buck just pulls him back further, his grip strong. “Take a walk boy.”

“But-“ Chris tries to argue but it’s clearly a lost cause because the gaze in my uncle's eyes is more serious than Chris has ever seen it. He drops his head, breathing heavily, too full of respect for Buck to argue.

“Take a walk. Figure out your shit. Then come back, son.”

“Evie?” He asks softly, looking more like a kid being put in timeout than the man who just kicked someone’s ass for me.

“Birdie’s got her. Go.”

Before he does, we lock eyes one more time. But all the anger seems to have vanished from his features and he just looks… disappointed. Before I can even think of something to say, he turns and walks away with his hands on his head.

Once he’s out of eyesight, the crowd starts to dissipate since it’s clear the scene, and the party for that matter, is over. My uncle helps Jace from the ground with my dad’s help and I finally regain my ability to move.

As I come closer, Jace takes a step back like he thinks I’m going to take the next swing. Honestly, I really should. But I just clear my throat and narrow my eyes at him. “Bitch, huh? Too much baggage for you?”

He scoffs, his eyes damn near bucking out of his head. “That’s what you’re worried about? I was just viciously attacked! I need my fucking lawyer.”

My lip curls up in disgust as I watch him pat his pockets for his phone and come up empty. “I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. You’re such a fucking loser.”

He pauses and looks up at me, giving me a hateful look that turns slowly into a wicked smile. “You want to talk about losers, sweetheart?”

Since I know him well enough to know when he’s going in for what he thinks is a kill shot, I brace myself before shrugging and forcing a mask of indifference. “You can’t hurt me anymore, Jace.” I lie. “I don’t care.”

“What about her?” He says, nodding at Lydia from where she stands a few feet away. As soon as she meets my eye, she goes frozen and pale as if she’s seen a ghost. And before he says another word, I know.

Memories resurface so quickly, that it feels like I’m watching them happen to someone else. Lydia freaking out whenever I touched her phone. The way Jace always remembered only two of our group’s orders at Starbucks- mine and Lydia’s. How conveniently they always seemed to end up near each other at events and parties.

My breathing hitches as I face her fully, fighting as hard as I can to keep my composure. “How long?”

“Y/N, please-” She tries to croak out, but I cut her off with a wave of my hand.

“How fucking long?”

She doesn’t answer for a moment and Jace chimes in behind me with an arrogant flair. “A year. About a week after we fucked to be more accurate. Great week for me.”

Before I can blink, my dad snatches him by the shirt and throws him against the side of the house. “I suggest you start watching your fucking mouth. It’s gonna get you hurt.” Dad lets him go and steps back with a warning look. “Go get your shit so I can get you back to your daddy.”

My head is reeling as I look around dazed. The expressions range from anger to shock, and even worse… pity. I can’t take it anymore, so I turn to rush to my room until I hear Jace call out behind me.

“And tell your little boyfriend, he can expect a call from my attorney.”

I freeze and look over my shoulder, surprising both Jace and myself when I burst into laughter. “Try it and I’ll tell your dad every fucking thing I know. I’ll start by advising him to check his gambling books.”

All the smugness abandons him as he goes white at my words so I give him a huge grin of my own. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

************

By the time I finally force myself to get out of the bath, I’m feeling completely numb. I’d sat in there for an hour, basically just staring at the wall and trying to figure out how I’d been so stupid.

I’m not even sad, not really. But there’s this ache in my heart like something is missing. I guess that’s what happens when you love someone for this long and lose them. Or maybe this is just proof of what my mind has been telling me all along- that I could never be enough.

When I’m dressed, I sit on my bed and check my messages. I’ve fallen out of the habit lately but tonight I’m longing for connection. There are a few worried texts but I ignore most of them, only answering Abby and letting her know I’m okay.

There’s a message from Brielle swearing she had no idea about Lydia and Jace, but I’m not sure if I can believe her, and I don’t have the brainpower to try to figure it out tonight. She’d left along with the other two at my dad’s insistence and I honestly think it was for the best. At least until I figure out who I can and can’t trust.

A sharp knock sounds on my door and I sigh deeply and toss my phone before telling them to come in. Birdie strolls in holding a plate of the Welcome Home cake we never got to cut and I can’t help but smile.

“Hi, my bunny. How are you feeling?” Her voice is so kind and the question is so genuine, I feel like I’m about to crumble in her hands. I try, I really try, not to Iet a tear fall as I nod quickly, but I fail.

She rushes over to me, places the cake on the nightstand, and takes me into her arms. “Let it out, honey. You’ve earned it.”

So I cry. Even though I’m not that surprised, even though I maybe even expected it. I cry for all the wasted youth I gave him. For all the effort I put into trying to be a girl he might love. For all the parts of me, I threw away to make room for him.

And yes, I maybe even cry for Lydia. For the days when I’d have called her my closest friend. I sob into my aunt’s arms until there’s nothing left to give, until my head throbs and my chest aches. Until, before I know it, I’ve fallen asleep.

*************

I wake up with a start to an empty and dark room thinking I must have slept through the next day, but realize it’s only been a couple of hours. What the fuck? Isn’t heartbreak supposed to keep you asleep or something?

Groggily, I wrap my throw blanket around my shoulders and head into the living room to see who’s still awake but, to my surprise, it’s empty. I guess they decided to go out since I did technically ruin their party. Fair enough, honestly.

There’s not much to do in the house alone, so I decide to go see the one girl I know who won’t ever let me down. I just hope she’s still awake.

When I get to the stables, the door is cracked a bit and I raise an eyebrow. There must already be someone here. I look down at my pajama pants that I haphazardly stuffed into my muddy work boots, trying to decide if it’s worth the humiliation. Then I remember the events of a few hours ago…yeah, way past that point, I guess.

I don’t know what I expected to find when I pushed the door open, but it definitely wasn't this- Chris leaned against the back wall, knees to his chest and his head in his hands.

He hears the squeak of the door and looks up, his blue eyes stormy and dark. We hold each other's gaze for a long moment, neither of us saying a word until he finally stands.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t be in here, I’ll go.” He goes to rush out of the door so I move over to block it and panic, saying the first thing that pops into my head.

“Where’s Evie?”

He pauses, not expecting the question, and blinks quickly. “She..uh.. I took her home.” A look of guilt passes over his face and he flinches. “I can’t believe I fought in front of her. Thank god Birdie grabbed her before she could see me like that.”

He sounds so disappointed in himself that I want to pull him in for a hug but I hold myself back. “I’m sorry. It was my fault.”

Chris levels me with a look so fierce a shudder goes down my spine. “Don’t do that. That’s on him. Not you.”

“I just don’t understand why you did it,” I admit, studying his boots instead of his face out of nervousness.

“If you think I was gonna sit back and let that bitch of a boy call you out of your name, you’ve lost your mind.” He grinds out with disgust, his skin flushing red as anger seems to settle back in over him. He starts to pace back and forth as my eyes track him in frustration.

"But what does that have to do with you? You’ve made it clear you want nothing to do with me." I say, fighting to keep my voice level and calm. I don’t want to make whatever has forced its way between us bigger but I’m tired of guessing at how he feels.

He laughs bitterly, still refusing to meet my eye as he shakes his head. “Have I? Is that right?”

I sigh, running a hand over my face. “There you go again, speaking in riddles. Why can’t you ever just be direct? I’m tired of playing these games.”

Chris finally stops his pacing and turns to meet my eye. “Games?” He asks, disbelief clear in his tone. “You think this is a game to me? I wasn’t ever playing with this, Scotch.” He gestures between the two of us widely before he spins away from me again, locking his arms behind his head.

The seconds stretch on as I stare blankly at his back waiting to see if he will say more. Just as I’m about to leave him to his thoughts, he faces me again, seeming to come to a decision.

“Fuck it.” He says simply as he crosses the space in three long strides and catches my mouth in a kiss. He braces his hands on either side of my face, the movement so abrupt and passionate that it takes several seconds for my brain to catch up.

The momentum of the kiss causes my back to hit one of the empty stalls slightly but I don't care in the slightest when Chris’ lips are on mine.

He pulls back for a moment, realizing his body moved before his brain had a chance to comprehend what he was doing. “Is this okay? I’m sorry. I don’t ever do shit like that. I just-“

I cut him off with another kiss, my hands pulling down his head to attach his lips back onto mine. This kiss is a lot different than the others we’ve shared in our time together. Usually, it’s short and sweet with smiles and small talk in between, but the passion behind this one is much more clear.

His hands trail on my sides causing me to shiver slightly at the touch. He detaches his mouth from mine again, but before I can get confused about it his lips make contact with my neck.

The way his lips suck softly on my bare skin has my head thrown back in pleasure, his hands coming up to make contact with my chest. “Fuck, Chris. I need to feel you.” I breathe out, reaching my hands towards his belt.

I can feel him hesitate, stiffening when I make contact before he groans and pulls back. His face pulls up in a helpless look and he shakes his head. “Not here.”

I furrow my brows as I try to pull him back to me but he doesn’t budge. “Why not?”

He gives me a look of disbelief as he gestures at our surroundings, kicking his feet at the hay for emphasis. “Scotch, ain't no way in hell I’m having sex with you in this dirty ass stable.”

Disappointment and a tinge of rejection tug at my chest as I nod and take a step back. “Okay.”

Tutting, Chris tilts my face up to his and presses a gentle kiss on my lips. “Don’t give me that look, baby. You know how bad I want you.”

As he speaks, he drops kisses lower and lower down my jawline until he finds a sweet spot on my neck, running his tongue slowly over it.

“But you deserve a bed…” He swirls his tongue as he pauses, his hand on my hip slipping just below my waistband. “And I deserve time.”

Moaning slowly at the sweet torture, I let myself melt into him until the frustration is too much and I push against his chest. “You making me even more horny is just mean if you’re not going to do anything about it.”

His eyes widen slightly at my desperate words as he pulls away, clearly not expecting that from me. “I..uh..never said that.” He looks around the stable. “Just can’t do a thing about it here.”

His answer was not a no, which is all I needed. I reach my hand down once more, fingers making contact with his obvious boner before I lean into his ear. “If you can’t do it here, then you’d better find somewhere you can.”

He searches my face for signs of uncertainty but he comes up short, leaning down to place one more kiss to my lips before replying. “Yes ma’am.”

***************

“Okay, Scotch,” Chris says, turning to me as he throws his truck into park. “We’re gonna have to be very quiet.”

“Why? Are we hunting wabbits?” I ask sarcastically in my absolutely atrocious Loony Toons impression.

He gives me a completely unimpressed stare before he tilts his head up toward the sky. “God, why? Why’d you give me this cornball?”

“Okay. Okay. What’s the plan?” I ask through my laugh, my stomach doing an involuntary flip when his eyes land back on mine.

Instead of answering, he watches me for a second before leaning over the center console and pulling me in for a kiss. It’s short and sweet, his thumb caressing the side of my face. I feel the heat rising to my face even before he pulls away. “Just follow my lead.”

I do exactly that, stepping carefully over the gravel and stepping to the side as he slowly unlocks and pushes open his front door. It makes a long creaking sound and we both hold our breath as we slip inside.

His house has the same classic farmhouse feel as my aunt and uncle’s except for a more antique touch. I smile when I see the floral patterns that adorn almost all of the furniture in the room- a grandma classic.

As if it wasn’t hard enough to keep my steps quiet, Evie’s toys are scattered across the floor like little landmines. I see Chris grimace as he sends a toy car zooming across the carpet accidentally. Just when I’m about to laugh at his clumsiness, I land down on a giant piano mat and suddenly I’m playing Beethoven with my feet.

Our eyes widen at the loud notes before Chris wraps his arms around my waist and snatches me off it. We freeze like we’re in a spy movie and we’ve set off a laser but we don’t hear any movement.

We take the stairs two at a time, moving as silently as possible until we reach the top. As soon as we do, Chris bursts into quiet laughter. “I knew I should have made her pick up her shit before bed.”

After what feels like an eternity we finally make it to his room, one of only two doors on this floor. He opens the door for me and ushers for me to go in first but I can’t help but feel completely awkward.

It’s one thing in the heat of the moment, but the stinging in my foot from where I stepped on a Lego has distracted my mind slightly.

When he closes his door behind him, I study him nervously before whispering, “Do we still have to be quiet?”

Shaking his head, he walks past me and takes a seat at the foot of his bed. “It’s only me up here. I mean, don’t yell or nothin’.”

This pulls me out of my awkwardness a bit and I give him a teasing smile. “Damn. I guess I’ll just have to wait to hear you scream.”

He raises an eyebrow and laughs, prodding his tongue against the inside of his cheek. “You wish.”

Still a bit too nervous to initiate anything, I take a moment to study his room. It’s a lot cleaner than I’d expect from a blue-collar boy, with only a few piles of clothes scattered around the floor. His bed is even surprisingly made.

His walls though are very typically bare, hosting only a small shelf of trophies, a framed Lil Skies vinyl, and a few pictures of friends and family on a corkboard. I scan them curiously, always desperate to know more about him.

I recognize a few of the friends but the picture of him being held by a woman with his eyes holds my attention. He looks about five years old, holding a cotton candy cone with a huge grin as he looks over at her. I run my finger over it gently, before deciding not to bring it up.

Instead, I go for something lighter and turn to point at the vinyl. “Okay, so, there’s being a fan, and then there’s an obsession. Why is it framed? I don’t even see a record player, you fraud.”

His eyes widen in faux offense and he puts a hand up. “First of all, don’t question me about the GOAT-”

“So debatable-”

“Second! You expect me to believe you don’t have a record player collecting dust at home? No chance.”

“Actually,” I say, rushing to defend myself. “It’s definitely been used, thank you very much.”

“How many times?” He questions, leaning forward and manspreading his legs.

At my very obvious wince of guilt, he scoffs and crosses his arms. “Lemme guess. It’s got Bluetooth, don’t it?”

“Okay,” I say, laughing and shaking my head in shame. “Shut up. I hate you.”

“You don’t.” He says with complete certainty and I roll my eyes. There’s that cockiness I’ve come to expect. But when I look back at him, it feels like the energy in the room has shifted a bit and I almost want to squirm.

He holds my eye contact with intensity before he gives

me a soft and firm, “C’mere.”

Anxiousness almost nails me to my spot but I fight it to walk over and stand between his legs, resting my hands delicately on his shoulders as I look down at him. He runs his hands up and down the sides of my legs, pausing to pull me in closer before continuing.

There’s nothing in the world I want to do more than kiss him at this moment so I do. Bending slightly, I press my lips to him in a slow and casual kiss that quickly turns more passionate. He lifts me onto his lap for more access before he hesitates and pulls away.

“Are you sure?” He asks, his eyes bouncing between mine as if trying to detect if my mind has changed. “Nothing has to happen tonight just because you’re here.”

Even without the undeniable honesty in his tone, I would have believed him but hearing him say it out loud makes it that much easier. I nod profusely, leaning back in to kiss him again but he dodges it and takes my face in his hands.

“Gonna need you to say it, Scotch.”

“I’ve never been more sure about anything than I am about this, Chris. I need you.” I make sure to keep my eyes on his so he knows I mean it. But the minute it’s out of my mouth, it’s like a switch flips as he pulls me back in roughly.

He kisses me wildly, his lips moving against mine with every bit of neediness that I’m feeling as well. When his tongue touches mine and coaxes a tremor out of him, I realize just how much power he’s handed over to me. But before I even have the chance to test it again, he flips us over, placing his body over mine as he slides me higher up the mattress.

It doesn’t take long for the kiss with him on top of me to take a turn. My legs are wrapped around him while his hands rest on my ass in order to pull himself closer to me. I can feel his bulge on me through the restriction of his jeans but it only makes me want him more.

He seems like he's slightly lost in the kiss. That or he’s too scared to do anything else. I pull back, a sight whine in my tone as I look him in the eye. “You do know you can touch me right?”

“I just want to make this good for you,” he replies, seeming uncharacteristically sheepish. It’s not often I see him so nervous which only makes me laugh through my breath.

“You’ve already made me more wet than I've ever been and you’ve only kissed me,” I whisper, causing a smile and a sense of relief to wash over him. “I just want to know what it’s like to do this sort of thing with someone who cares about me.”

“Do you trust me?” He asks, as if the answer isn’t blatantly obvious, his hands sliding up my sides again. This time though they’re under my shirt and the feeling is overwhelming.

I nod quickly. “‘Of course I do, Chris.” He smiles, dropping his head back down to my neck to suck on the skin softly. I get lost in the feeling momentarily, his fingers slowly tugging at the fabric that keeps me from him while I try my best to remain still under his touch.

As amazing as it feels, I grow impatient quickly as the throbbing between my legs overtakes any regular thought. “Chris please.”

He pauses on my neck for a moment, lifting my shirt above my head to leave me below him in the Victoria's Secret bra Lydia bought me for my 16th birthday. His eyes linger for a moment before he finally responds, a teasing smirk on his face. “Please what?”

I shake my head and fix my messed-up hair slightly. Of course, the asshole on top of me is going to make me spell it out for him. “Stop making me wait for you.”

“A whole damn summer of driving me insane and you think I’m gonna rush this?” He scoffs playfully before his lips make contact with mine again. His hands find comfort on my chest, causing me to arch my back into the touch.

Expecting another cocky remark at my neediness, it takes me aback when instead he just instructs me to sit up, his voice taking on a deeper affliction. It takes me a second to comprehend why I'm sitting up for him until his hand snakes behind my back and unclasps the lacy fabric with one hand.

It feels very real suddenly but I try not to let myself get anxious under his gaze. I keep my eyes on his face, his kind open eyes reminding me there’s nothing to be worried about. He’s not Jace.

“You’re so beautiful. Like really fucking beautiful.” He whispers as he takes the fabric off me fully, leaving me exposed below him.

Before I can leave behind another snarky remark about how long he’s taking his head dips down to my chest. He places a few kisses on my collarbone before his mouth finally makes contact with one of my nipples.

His tongue swirls around the bud and my hands can’t help but falter to his curly brown hair. The feeling of his lips sucking on me while his hands explore the rest of my body.

He’s true to his word on taking his time with me, and for once I don’t feel the need to rush it and get it over with. For once sex doesn’t feel like a chore.

Slowly, his kisses on my chest travel down my stomach, a soft noise left behind with each one. I squeeze my thighs together in order to relieve some tension that I'm not entirely sure what else to do with.

His fingers begin unbuttoning my pants and tugging gently before I lift my hips to grant him access. He slides them off along with my socks in one swift movement.

“Wait,” I say, causing concern to overtake his face in the dimly lit bedroom.

“Are you okay? We can stop,” he replies, pausing immediately and pulling back.

I just reply by lifting his t-shirt over his head, messing up his hair slightly. “Now we’re more even.” I smile.

He returns my smile, relief in his eyes as he kisses me. A more intimate kiss than before, a softer one that reminds me there’s more than lust between us. “I really like you.” He says, voice low and urgent as if he needs to make sure I know.

For whatever reason this does it for me, more than the touches and the way his hands rest on my side. Not that I didn’t know but the confirmation lights me anew. He really likes me. He likes me for me and not some made-up version of who he thinks I should be.

“I like you more,” I reply, a huge grin plastered on my face as he lowers his body back down to align himself with my center.

He kisses just above the line of my underwear, his thumb placing light pressure on my clit through the fabric while he replies. “Impossible.”

His hands pull on my underwear slowly, as if asking for permission which of course I grant eagerly. Lifting my hips to help him out, I can’t help but flush at how slowly and sensually he pulls them off. He whispers something under his breath that I don’t catch but sounds a bit like ‘beautiful’ before he comes back to me.

Expecting him to slide inside of me at any moment, I sit up and reach down to undo his pants but instead, he pushes me back into the mattress and swats away my hand.

Just as I’m about to question him, I feel his hand reach down to make contact with the wetness that’s pooled up for him, his fingers exploring my entrance slightly as his palm places a light pressure to my bare clit.

I try my best not to moan out at the slightest contact, finding it embarrassing how sensitive I am. It’s not like I've never had an orgasm in my whole life; I just haven’t had one at the hands of another person.

His lips find comfort on my neck again to place a few light kisses before shifting his body down on the bed completely. I shift uncomfortably as his hands slowly slide down my body, the touch leaving prickly goosebumps behind.

“You’re sure you’re okay with this, yeah?” He asks as his face is completely aligned with the section of my body that’s practically begging for him.

“Chris I swear to god if you ask me that again I'll-“ I’m cut off by his tongue licking a stripe through my folds, testing the waters and realizing just how easy it is to get me to shut up.

I place my hand over my mouth at the feeling of his nose brushing against my sensitivity, trying my best to keep my hopes still under his touch.

He pulls off momentarily before lifting my legs over his shoulders to grant him easier access. “If you thought I was going to have sex with you without getting a taste, you are out of your mind.”

I don’t bother replying, refusing to prolong the teasing any longer. But embarrassingly my heart can’t help but flutter at his desire to make me feel good. It’s nice being prioritized for once.

His lips wrap around the throbbing bud as he uses his tongue in an urgency I wasn’t expecting. My hips lift slightly up to meet his face but a hand pushes me into the bed by my lower stomach to keep me still.

My stomach is tensing at the pleasure of his tongue flicking repeatedly and it's near impossible to not let out any noises. A few small whimpers escape my lips without a second thought causing me to cringe slightly at the thought of anyone hearing this.

He slows his movements every once and a while to place delicate kisses on my lower half, practically cherishing me before he continues his relentless work on my clit.

My heavy breathing fills the room and it hitches at the addition of one of his fingers. It slides into me with ease and immediately curls upwards at a teasing speed.

A moan slips out of the palm of my hand and I can feel him smile against me as his finger stretches me out and his tongue continues the flicking movement.

I feel the build-up in my stomach approach but I’m scared of releasing my hand from my lips. I’m not used to having to hold back real moans during sex.

So I tap him on the shoulder, causing the boy to immediately look up at me with eyes that have my heart beating out of my chest. He watches me as pleasure coils inside my stomach, a look of satisfaction and wonder in his eyes.

He pulls his lips away from my core to place another loving kiss on my lower stomach. “Can I put another one in?” He asks, looking up at me for permission.

I nod with a slight fear lingering in my head. Chris' fingers are definitely larger than my own.

He dips his head back down to refocus his attention on my clit momentarily before carefully entering another finger into my core. It must be obvious that it’s been a while because he works slowly.

Soon enough the stretching turns into pleasure and a gasp slips from my lips as he curves his fingers deep inside of me, deeper than before. As his fingers curl up to hit the sweet spot I could never reach, his tongue swirls against my clit at its fastest pace.

His other hand rubs soothing circles against my hip as I cling to him, pleading for more as his tongue and finger find a rhythm.

When I feel my high building, it’s so intense, so unlike anything I’ve experienced before, I almost want to run away. But I’m like putty in his hands as he works over my body, every kiss feeling like worship.

I say his name through a moan and meet his eye as waves of pleasure crash over me, his movements pausing and giving me a break as I ride it out. He crawls up my body, a grin on his face as I settle down and go weak in his arms.

Chris presses kiss after kiss to my face until I giggle and pull away to look him in the eye. “That was-”

“I know.” He cuts in, his cocksure smirk snapping back into place as he raises a brow at me. I roll my eyes and shove him up, unable to hide my smile at his quiet laughter.

We both pause for a second, him seeming unsure how much further I want to go and me not being used to taking control. But something about the way he’s looking at me fills me with confidence and I pull myself back over his lap, straddling him.

He sits up against his headboard, moving me with him, and places his hands on my hips as he studies me. I can see from his expression that he wants to ask yet again if I’m sure, so I cut him off with a hungry kiss, grinding myself against his jeans.

Straining even harder against his pants, he groans and gives in, reaching down to tug off his belt quickly. I slide off of his lap so he can stand and get off the rest of his clothes, my eyes frozen on his bulge as he removes his boxers.

My jaw drops as his length is revealed and I tear my eyes away to give him an incredulous look. Before I can stop myself, I stutter out a stunned, “Is that going to fit?”

His eyes dance with amusement, biting his lip to keep from outright laughing at me before he nods. “You can take it.”

Stepping over to his nightstand, he pulls out a box of condoms before going to put it on. My heart starts to flutter a bit when I realize that it’s a new and unopened box and I hide my smile.

Finally covered, he walks back toward me so I lie down on instinct, figuring he’ll turn me around if he prefers backshots but he tuts and shakes his head. “Uh uh, baby. This ain’t a laid back kinda night.”

He lifts me and takes my place, bringing me down to straddle him again. Panic floods me as I realize what he wants. “Chris… I don’t know…I’ve never done that before.”

Embarrassment makes me look away from him but he grabs the back of my neck and gently tugs me down for a kiss. “It’s okay, Scotch. I got you.”

Nodding slowly, I let the feeling of safety settle over me before I give up control. Chris guides me up by my hips, placing me against his dick but letting me set the pace.

With a steadying breath, I slowly lower myself down inch by inch, gasping as he fills me. When I think there’s no way I could possibly take anymore, I look down and realize he’s only halfway inside. Meeting his eyes, I give him a helpless look and he squeezes my hips.

“You’re alright, baby. Just like that.”

I can hear the strain in his voice as he tries not to move to let me adjust and it spurs me on until I completely bottom out. Chris whispers a quiet string of curses, screwing his eyes shut in pleasure. “Fuck, I knew you’d feel like this.”

Moaning at his words and feeling my wetness pool around him, I rock my hips and throw my head back. I swirl my hips, trying to find a rhythm that feels right until Chris lifts me again.

This time, he’s more urgent and a bit rougher, tugging me up and down as he thrusts his hips up to meet mine. I move with him, letting him push deeper inside of me until I want to scream. I want to lean down and kiss him again but the friction between us feels too good to break the rhythm.

Deciding to fight for my sliver of dominance back, I brace my hands on his chest and set my own tempo. It clearly drives him crazy, his hands gripping my hips tighter as he moans out my name. Not a pet name. Not even Scotch. But my name. And the way it sounds on his lips is enough to have me clenching against him.

“Fuck.” He groans, his hands traveling up to squeeze my breasts as they bounce with our movements. “That’s my fucking girl.”

My moans must get too loud because he pulls me down and smashes his lips against mine, swallowing every whimper he coaxes out of me. I try to hold off when I feel another orgasm tearing through me, desperate to stretch this feeling out forever. But it’s no use.

“Chris, I’m coming-” I try to say against his lips but he already knows, pulling back to watch me fall apart on top of him.

I press my face into his shoulder as I come around him, my teeth grazing his skin as I shudder with pleasure. Knowing I’m about a second away from tapping out, he picks up his pace, his lips going to the base of my throat.

He lets out a strangled sound before going limp and wrapping his arms even tighter around me. Neither of us moves a muscle, not even bothering to pull out as we breathe heavily skin to skin.

There’s a moment of fear, of insecurity, when I’m not sure what will happen next. So I lie as still as I can hoping to prolong the moment when everything changes. The fear stays as he finally pulls away and goes to clean up. It persists when he comes back and hands me an oversized shirt and a pair of his boxers.

It isn’t until he’s laid down beside me, my body pulled flush against his that I understand. Not until he leans me back to press a sweet and casual goodnight kiss on my lips.

He’s not anything like the boy I loved before. He can be a safe place to land

🏷️/ @sttzee @tillies33ssss @miloisdone1 @sstvrnioloo @junnniiieee07 @sturnioloslurps @mrsmiagreer @asturniolos @teapartyprincess4two @whicked-hazlatwhore @sukiipjs @fratbrochrisgf @bueckerssturns @imfromthediningtable @st4rswrld @thvvluvr @sturnssmuts @littlenerdybee @sturniolossss @iloveneilperry @eclipzw @chrissloverrrrrrr16 @sstvrnioloo @fwskullz @luv4kozume @breeloveschris @leighbronk @sophia-77n @xoxo4chrisss @ribread03 @h3arts4harry @chrissystur @pepsiboyy @watercolorskyy @sturnsmia @rorylovesmatt @fake-sturniolos @slut4chriss

#maggie b writes #sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo au #chris sturniolo fic #chris sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo x you #chris sturniolo angst #chris sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo headcanon #cowboy chris sturniolo #cowboy!chris #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo triplets x reader #sturniolo #sturniolo fandom #sturniolo smut #sturniolo fanfic #christopher sturniolo smut #maggie b talks too much

[kentobb]

Hate that I love you. (Part 01)

Characters: Kyotani Kentaro x Female Reader (slight mention of Toru Oikawa)

Warning: Foul Language

Kentaro Kyotani does not want to admit that he remembers how he met you. If anybody heard the way he spoke with such delicacy and softness about that moment, they would immediately assume that he is in love with you. Which he is, but he would rather be kicked in the balls than admitting something like that.

He met you in the bustling halls of the elementary school, among the giggles and chatter of the other kids. His heart was captured as he saw you, as you made your way to ask him if you could play with him.

“C-Can I play with you?” You stuttered, as you looked him in the eyes.

How come you weren’t scared of him? How come you didn’t flinch away from him like the other kids did?

“Whatever,” He replied as he rolled his eyes, trying to be nonchalant about it. As if his heart wasn’t jumping out of excitement.

You were his first friend.

And his first crush…

At first, he dismisses it as a passing fancy, a silly crush destined to fade with time. But as years slipped by, your presence remained a constant warmth in his life.

Because you were more than just his friend, you were his confidante, his ally in the maze of school life. You helped him with assignments, shared your notes and nudged him towards success. When he stumbled, you were there to pick him up, encouragement a steady anchor in stormy seas.

You made him laugh until his sides hurt, the one who he would share his deepest secrets with beneath the shade of the playful tree, the one who sat as you scolded him with a gentle hand when he veered off course.

The only girl, apart from his mom that he treated kindly as if you were delicate like a leaf, as if your feelings were build out of crystal.

But why does it seem that fate plays a cruel hand?

Why are you dating that idiot? Why are you dating his captain?

Yes, he knew you had a crush on his captain for a while. But he thought that you would know by time that Toru Oikawa it’s a fuckboy. That he collects girls like pokemon cards and does not give a single fuck.

“You do know the kind of guy he is…. Right?” He said, his voice low and hesitant. “Like it’s not a secret…”

“Ken, I know the rumors,” You began, “But that doesn’t mean they are true.”

He clenched his jaw, fighting back the surge of emotions threatening to overwhelm him. He knew he had no right to feel this way, but jealousy gnawed at him from the inside out.

“What do you mean they are not true?” He spoke, “He has like a hundred exes,” He sighed

You tilted your head. studying him with those kind eyes that had ensnared his heart from the very beginning. "I know his reputation, Ken. But people can change. And Toru... he's been different with me. He's been... kind."

The word struck him like a blow to the chest. Kind. Wasn't that what he had always strived to be for you? Yet here you were, finding kindness in the arms of someone else. "Sweet words don't mean anything, you know," he muttered, his gaze fixed on the ground. "He's just using them to get what he wants."

A gentle hand on his arm made him look up, meeting her gaze once more. "Ken, are you... jealous?"

The question hung in the air between them, heavy with unspoken truths.His heart raced, his mind scrambling for an excuse, a way to deflect the truth that threatened to spill from his lips. "What? No way! I'm just... I'm just worried about you, that's all."

You smiled, a bittersweet expression that tore at his soul. "I appreciate your concern, Ken Ken. But I can take care of myself. And I want to give Toru a chance. Can't you support me in this?"

His throat tightened with the words he longed to say, the confession he dared not speak aloud. "Of course," he forced out, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'll support you, no matter what."

You leaned in to hug him, Kyotani closed his eyes, willing himself to swallow the bitter taste of unspoken love. But as your arms wrapped around him, he couldn't help but wonder... would he ever find the courage to tell you the truth?

Reblogs, notes and comments are appreciated <3

#haikyuu #hq fluff #hq x reader #oikawa toru #kyotani kentaro #female reader #oikawa x reader #kyotani x reader #mad dog #hq angst #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu angst

[pinkandlilacroses]

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

Angel - Paige bueckers

part 1

• summary {when an unsuspecting girl falls for the basketball star} (slow burn)

•warnings {none (for now)}

•comment if you would like to be added to the taglist

bellas pov

“Im just saying, a rom com romance would be fantastic tight now” I state to my best friend, Avery. “i mean everyday is the same thing over and over” i continue. I can tell she doesn’t care, Avery’s been in a relationship with her high school sweetheart, Jake since freshman year.

“you need to stop being desperate” she says scooting closer to me on our couch.

this may sound rude, but thats just how Avery is, ane i guess ive gotten used to it

“nobody understands me” i say dramatically as i get up and walk towards my room.

“remember, we are going out tonight” Avery yells

fuck. i forgot.

i hate going out, theres to many people

i feel like sometimes Avery relyes on me, i mean sometimes i wanna hang out with other people, not just her. Avery on the other hand, im her only friend and i understand why, i love her but she is so mean to any and everyone that she comes across.

a few hours pass and i begin getting ready. i put on a matching pink set with a tube top and a mini skirt, i feel cute, i cant wait for this to get ruined by a bunch of drunk, sweaty college students.

i know i take a while to get ready, i mean its taken me two hours to pick my outfit and do my hair and i haven’t even started my makeup yet. my excuse is that you can never rush perfection.

“bella cmon we gotta go” Avery yells, ‘how is she ready so early’ i think to myself, finishing my coat of mascara.

“ok, ok, im ready” i say 20 minutes later. i can tell shes pissed, but it doesn’t bother me.

“your so dramatic, its a 5 minute walk” Avery says, annoyed, as always.

“i am not made for walking”

its only been 5 minutes since our arrival and i want to leave

“hey baby” a clearly drunk guy says, while he slyly brings his hand to my bare waist.

“who are you” i say, bluntly

“hey loosen up princess” he says, getting closer

i do like that nickname. but i hate him.

“im gonna go now”

i dont know if im straight, to be honest. i was raised in a household where anything but straight was a sin, so i never really questioned my interests. but whenever i see a girl who is tall and strong, my straightness goes out the window, and i feel like im sinning. ive never done anything with a girl before and im scared, i dont know if i ever would.

i walk away from the drunk man and towards the bar

“oh my god im so sorry” ‘fuck. why am i so clumsy’, i say to the girl i bumped into

“nah your all good” she says, looking down at me

i hadn’t looked at her, but now that i am. i never wanna stop. shes tall and blonde.

“hi, im paige” she says, breaking my admiration.

“im bella” i say, shamelessly checking her out

she has on grey sweatpants and a black tshirt. hot.

“do you go here” she says, continuing the conversation.

“uh, yeah, im a junior” i say, stuttering. why am i stuttering

“are you nervous?” she says, bringing her face closer to my own. yes, i am so nervous, you make me so nervous, ohmygodohmygodohmygod

“no” i say, unconvincingly.

“you sure?” she questions again. im not ok

“your on the basketball team, right?” i say, attempting to shift the conversation

she chuckles

“yeah” she states, moving back to her original position, further away from me. come back

“have you heard of me” she says, cockily

“i think everyone has here” i say, to be honest, i dont know anything about basketball. but ive heard of her before and her eyes have me trapped, there so blue and inviting.

what am i saying

“i wanna know more about you though” she whispers, moving closer than before.

“what do you wanna know” i say wrapping my arms around her neck. i dont know where all this confidence has came from

“yo paige” some girl says, she turns around and breaks the position we were in.

“iceee” she says, dapping up her teammate

im offended.

i make my way from her and towards my friend group. i want to go home

“was that you flirting with paige bueckers”

“we were just talking, shes not interested”

“girl, paige would be interested in a tree if it had a pussy, she is definitely interested” chanel says

everyone laughs. but me

im confused, why am i attracted to her, i like men, not women.

“bella cmon, lets get you home” Avery says, i mentally thank her from saving me from this conversation.

i tuck myself into bed after taking my outfit and makeup off and get ready for my favourite activity. sleep, until.

xxx-xxx-xxx

- hey is this bella?

what the fuck. do i have a stalker

bella

- yes

xxx-xxx-xxx

- hahah thank god

- this is paige

what the fuck

A/N - first fic, how do we feeeelllllllll

#paige bueckers x reader #paige bueckers headcannons #paige bueckers smut #paige bueckers fic #paige bueckers #uconn huskies #uconn women’s basketball #uconn wbb

[fanficshiddles]

The Redbridge Hunts, Chapter 51

‘I did it because having you alive and hating me, is better than not having you alive at all.’

Claire’s heart broke at hearing Chris’ words. Judging by the look on Loki’s face, she had a feeling that his heart did too…

Loki said nothing at first, his mouth was open in shock at Chris’ admission.

‘You… you knew I didn’t want to be turned.’ Loki said gruffly.

‘You were dying in my arms, Loki. I loved you, so much. More than anyone else. When I first held you as a baby, I knew I’d do anything for my little brother. I was not about to just let you die.’ Chris yelled at Loki and turned away, his back to them.

Loki looked down, Claire saw the pained expression on his face.

‘If you just stopped killing innocent people, like dad did. You terrified me that day.’ Loki said quietly.

Chris turned around. ‘It’s not that easy. I’m addicted to the feeling I get when my victims are scared, the rush of power and the taste of their blood, it’s fresher and rich, I can’t help it. You’ve never been able to accept it, but I don’t care.’ Chris growled low.

Loki pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. ‘I get it, Claire’s blood is the most delicious thing in the world, but I can control myself. I can stop without killing her. You could too, you don’t need to kill them after!’

‘I don’t care about them. Their lives are just fleeting in comparison to us, it will happen sooner or later. Whether I’m here or not. Vampires will overtake.’

‘Would you say that if your soulmate turns out to be human?’ Claire asked.

Chris glared at her. ‘I don’t have a soulmate.’

‘You do, somewhere.’ Loki said. 'Every vampire has a soulmate.'

‘I’ve been to every single town and city in the world, spent weeks at each place, searched in clubs, bars, restaurants, everywhere. A soulmate for me doesn’t exist.’ Chris snarled, though his voice broke a little near the end.

‘Tell Loki what you told me about your job.’ Claire said softly.

Chris clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes at Claire, then he looked at Loki with a sigh. He put his hands on his hips.

‘Fine. You want the truth? Look, I’m sorry for kidnapping Claire. For trying to hurt you. I was jealous when Claire first came along, that your soulmate literally just walked right into your life when I’ve spent centuries searching for mine. Then when dad told us about the school board wanting you to have my job, I snapped. I love that job, I love my students, vampires and humans. Seeing them thrive and grow, getting excited for being accepted into Universities or Colleges that they applied for, getting jobs that they’ve dreamed of. Helping the young vampires work their way through their first few years where their instincts are at their strongest. The thought of it all being taken away… especially by you, just made me see red. You’ve got everything I want, but you wouldn’t have if I didn’t turn you. Being a vampire isn’t so bad, is it? Better than being dead, surely? Yet you’ve never forgiven me for making that decision, to save my little brother in the only way possible.’

It was then Loki’s turn to get emotional. Claire saw the realisation wash over Loki’s face, his eyes began to water as he stepped backwards until he was leant against the table for support.

‘I… I didn’t realise you’d been searching for your soulmate. I also didn’t realise how much it affected you when I was hit by the car… I’ve been a fool… You’re not wrong, being a vampire is better than death. I just… I just didn’t see it at the time and was so angry and scared at the same time, it clouded my judgement. I’m… sorry, for not being thankful that you saved me. For not ever listening or giving you a chance.

I looked up to you so much, Chris. As my big brother. You were always there for me, looking out for me. When I was told about you and dad being vampires, I was crushed. Though I did come round to the idea, when dad explained about the blood bank… but then I learned that you didn’t agree with it. I was scared of you, the way you just drank from humans and killed them without care. That was a side to you I had never seen, didn’t want to see. I didn’t want to become like that, so when you turned me, I was terrified about doing the same. I've got your blood literally running through my veins, not just as brothers.'

Chris eyes widened a little at Loki’s words, his stance softened and he wasn’t quite as guarded anymore. ‘Scaring you was the last thing I wanted to do, I never wanted you to see me like that… I didn’t even want to tell you about us being vampires but dad was insistent about telling you the truth. That’s why my relationship with him dwindled even more, he just went ahead and told you anyway. I was scared of it causing a rift between us, and rightfully so. That’s exactly what happened.’

‘I would have found out sooner or later. I was beginning to wonder why you and dad never aged.’ Loki sighed and paused for a second. ‘I don’t want to take your job. You didn’t listen to me when dad told us. You are good at it, I know that. I was all for telling the board I didn’t want it and that you should remain the head teacher, until you went nuts and tried to kill me. That’s the first time I’ve genuinely thought you were actually attempting to murder me.’

Chris looked down. ‘I know. I’m ashamed to admit that I think I was, I just saw blind rage. I can’t excuse it.’ He shrugged and looked back up at Loki. ‘I can’t change who or what I am. But part of who I am, still cares and loves his little brother. Always has done. Always will. Even it that means being hated, at least you’re alive.’

Loki and Chris stared at one another for what felt like the longest time. Then, eventually, Loki stood up straight and walked towards him, Chris wasn’t sure what he was about to do at first. Though Loki opened his arms and hugged him tightly. Chris was frozen on the spot for a minute, his brain took some time to process what was going on.

Though the moment Chris put his arms around Loki in return, both of them instantly felt a relief of sorts, the love and bond they once had when Loki was younger came flooding back. All the good times and memories.

When they let go from the longest hug, they both had watery eyes. Though as they both took a step backwards, Claire was sat on the chair at the side, in floods of tears at the scene. They both turned their heads to look at her and chuckled.

‘You guys… That was… so beautiful.’ She sobbed and pulled her cloak round to wipe her eyes.

Chris rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. ‘Well… I’m away to go back to the hunt before it’s all over. I’m sorry, Claire. For kidnapping you and scaring you.’

Claire stood and walked over to Loki, still wiping her eyes. ‘I… I understand why you did. Though not to say it wasn’t scary at the start, but I’m glad that something good has come out of it in the end.’

Loki nodded in agreement, he put his arm around Claire tightly and kissed the top of her head.

‘Though if you ever hurt or kidnap her again, brother or not, I’ll beat the shit out of you.’ Loki growled at Chris.

Chris smirked and as he walked by, he patted Loki on the shoulder. ‘Sure you will, lil bro.’

Loki felt a strange sensation in his heart. It had been a long time since Chris called him that, he used to always use that nickname for him. It made him smile a little as Chris headed out the door and took off.

Claire wrapped her arms around Loki’s waist and hugged him tightly. Loki pressed his face into her hair and he breathed in deeply.

‘Let’s get you home.’ He hummed and squeezed her tightly.

#tom hiddleston #loki #loki x ofc #loki fic #the redbridge hunts #chris motionless #vampire loki

[beartitled]

Can you do some more comics with Francis mosses

I can, but the problem is

That I’m pretty much out of ideas and I’m progressively getting tired of tnmn fandom

Ppl who look at my tags probably noticed that 😓

More of my thoughts under read more for curious ppl

(short answer maybe I will do more, but I desperately need a break from tnmn)

! Just a general warning: this came out kinda long + sort of venty

Originally I planned to do 1 comic drop and move on, but got stuck bc ppl liked tnmn comics and kept asking for more (and still do-)

Generally I don’t mind doing more if the ideas are there, but I want to address this: I’m tired

I know blowing up is usually a good thing and I appreciate people enjoying my stuff

But it’s exhausting to see that tnmn is the only type of content which is relevant, to the point that my own projects or stuff I enjoy are just kinda.. ignored

It’s fair – again my blog is heavily fandom based

(+Tsp were and still is kinda the focus)

But with tnmn fandom it’s a bit… different

Maybe I’m biased and it’s just my negative experience with tiktok comments

Remember this art?

cleaning up transphobic comments was.. um tough

Again, I get that you can’t be in that neat bubble completely sheltered from negativity

Humans are just assholes by nature really/j

So I was expecting the backlash, but not that much

I think maybe tsp fandom spoiled me a bit (in a good way), bc I got a feeling that everyone in tsp was positive of any lgbt+ headcanons and just generally more supportive

(don’t get me wrong, there ARE problems in tsp community too, taking narrators design controversy into account as one of the examples)

Obviously every fandom always has it’s own issues, show me at least one fandom that didn’t have some sort of meaningless controversy or some sort of problematic people in it

It happens

But it leaves a bad taste in your mouth sometimes

And for me personally it only added to not so pleasant experience

The thing I also noticed, when I interacted with other fandoms

Ppl wrote positive stuff first and foremost, not really asking for anything

Here it’s just “hey more. I want more. Do more. Do this character. Do this. Do more.”

The only reason I kept doing more, because likes, reblogs, views – these comics get a ton of attention

there is a audience to please alright

But this thing comes with a pressure tho

and it shows

so let me illustrate

This bookcase

Is my shame

Because I was so rushing, I just copied and colour corrected this bookcase from my diploma comic and pasted it here in hopes for the best

💥IT LOOKS HORRIBLE OKAY💥

Usually it’s normal to take materials used in other projects

the not so normal part is

to leave it like that because your stress reducing tea doesn’t work and you don’t really have time to redraw it

my m en ta l s t a t e i s f i n e ah ah h ah ah

Ok but jokes aside: it’s really tempting, to just abandon everything and produce content like some sort of content farm

But I don’t want to, I’m forcing myself and it makes my art worse

Yes it’s subtle, new people won’t even see this

But I’m not improving

And I don’t enjoy just anxiously popping out comics because everyone keeps asking

I can give it my all to something when I’m passionate, but just “hey I’m getting attention” is not the best motivator

Attention like that does get to my head, I know that I will probably give in again and do more, bc I will compare my posts engagement

But what’s the point of recognition, when you feel.. so numb about it…

Sorry for a mountain of text and thank you for ppl who actually took their time to read it

It’s been building up for a while and I feel like people need to know the reason why I’m not so enthusiastic about making “more”

I’m not necessarily completely abandoning this fandom

I still plan to do ask/suggestions event for STP (I’m just making sure I can dedicate my time to it, that’s why it’s taking so long) and I can add tnmn to the mix

Like STP+tnmn kind of deal

But for now – I need a break

At least for a little bit

#bear answers #vent post #nothing serious just a bunch not so positive thoughts #tnmn #that’s not my neighbor #tnmn fandom #thoughts #fandom thoughts #apologies for possible mistakes/typos

[hazbinfallinginaspiral]

Hey!

Your stuffs cool!

So could you possibly do a Vox X Reader where the Reader is kidnapped?

The reader would have to be like Vox's wife or partner, someone he'd not want to loose of course. You could even do an existing reader theme like Doll, Hacker, Shark, Retro or one of the others you've wrote for before got kidnapped if that helps. I just wanna see your take on Vox coming to save them.

Thanks a lot!

🌸 Anonymous!

Better of Two Evils (Be a Doll AU)

Vox x doll!reader

CW: kidnapping, murder, violence, AU typical events

Vox is mentioned in this one, but he doesn’t really show up. He’s still a bad person and his actions are alluded to, though. He doesn’t come to save you. Sorry.

As consciousness slowly seeps back into my mind, I find myself disoriented and groggy. Blinking against the harsh light filtering through the small, dingy room, I try to make sense of my surroundings. Panic grips my chest as I realize I'm not in my own bed, but rather lying on a cold, hard floor.

Memories flood back in fragments, like pieces of a nightmare that refuse to be forgotten. The last thing I remember is Vox leaving me alone at a party while he went to deal with Valentino who was upstairs, throwing a tantrum in the penthouse.

Struggling to sit up, I'm met with resistance as I realize my wrists are bound tightly behind my back. Fear claws at my throat as I tug fruitlessly at the restraints, the cold metal biting into my skin. “Fuck.” I try to call out for help, but my voice comes out as little more than a hoarse whisper.

Panic threatens to consume me as I survey the room, searching desperately for any sign of escape. The walls seem to press in on me, suffocating in their oppressive closeness. The air is stale and musty, and the silence is deafening.

But then, a sound breaks through the silence—a creak of footsteps approaching from beyond the door. My heart leaps into my throat as the door swings open. Fuck.

"Ah, you're awake," a voice purrs, sending shivers down my spine. It's a voice I recognize, from a man I’d met at one of Vox’s parties. He’d pursue me relentlessly despite Vox’s efforts to be cordial in getting him to leave me alone. I could only imagine why he’d done this to me.

My breath catches in my throat as the man steps into the room, his gaze cold and calculating. "You're probably wondering why you're here," he continues, his voice dripping with malice. "But all you need to know is that you belong to me now."

Terror courses through my veins as I realize the full extent of my predicament. I'm at the mercy of this asshole. “I can’t- I won’t- I…” I’m cut off as the man grips my face tightly, hurting me as he shuts me up.

“Be a doll and shut your pretty little mouth,” he growled. I didn’t react. He scanned my face for any sign that it had worked. When he realized it hadn’t, he let go of my face and shoved me to the ground. “Damn it! Why- I said the phrase, why the fuck didn’t it work?”

“It only-” I broke off with a cough, trying to regain any sense of dignity. It was clear now that the trigger phrase had been his only plan in making me comply. He wasn’t prepared for it to not work. “It only works when Vox says it,” I rasped, watching the man wearily.

“Oh fuck off!” He said, returning his attention to me. He took out a pocket knife and held it to my throat. “If you don’t shut that dumb bimbo mouth of yours I’ll do it for you. I’m not afraid to hurt a pretty doll like you, I know you’ll live.”

“Ha!” I began to laugh, which caused the knife to make a light scratch against my throat. He looked taken aback, giving me my opportunity to make a move. I took my arms from behind my back and shoved him away, revealing I’d undone the bindings a bit ago. They weren’t particularly well done. He was sloppy, an amateur at best. “Let me tell you something, asshole.”

“You can’t do anything to me that Vox hasn’t done first,” I said coldly, bitterly. I wiped the blood off my neck. “You think you’re smooth? You think you’re slick? There’s at least three cameras in this room alone. He knows you have me, he just wants to see how well his perfect little doll can hold up.” I glanced at one such camera and threw up the peace sign, looking very unamused. I turned my attention back to the man in front of me. He’d been trying to attack, and failing. He seemed to have forgotten the fact that Vox didn’t choose just anyone to be so close with, he chose people he knew could handle it. “I think I’m doing well. Points off for the initial panic, though.”

“You- you’re crazy!” The man said, pointing his knife at me again. His grip was loose and he was shaking. Pathetic. I snatched it from him and positioned it at his neck now, pressing it just deep enough to draw a little blood. I’d already healed my own wound. “Fuck- get off me you dumb bitch!”

“No ones going to rescue you,” I said quietly, harshly. A reminder to me more than it was to him. It was only the truth. Vox knew I could handle myself, and he didn’t care how beat up I got in the process, so long as I returned to him at some point. I hated when I got captured like this, because it was always a wake up call. A reminder that Vox didn’t actually care, I was just a toy to him. “Nobody cares enough to save you now.”

He made a noise and I slit his throat. I was tired of looking at his stupid face. I let his body drop to the ground and tossed the knife aside, a disgusted look on my face. I hated Sundays.

Bonus: doll!Reader was actually wrong. Vox panicked when he found out you’d been captured. He was going to rescue you, but he saw who had kidnapped you and decided you’d be fine. He still cares- in his twisted little way. He just can’t show that, because it’d be a weakness.

#hazbin hotel #vox #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin vox #vox x reader #writing #my writing #x reader #be a doll #sorry anon

[yourlastbraincell-kiwi]

A/N: This has been sitting in my drafts and I fixed it up and decided to post it as a little blurb. Enjoy!

No mention of skin color, but the reader is the daughter of Sam Wilson!

Pairing: Peter Parker x samwilsondaughter!fem!reader

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.” Sam said, walking into the Avengers tower, holding the door open for everyone behind him.

“When do you ever think something is a good idea?” Bucky replied.

“All the time, all the time, but this one right here? Is not it.” Said Sam, as he walked further away from the group, and sat atop of a table.

“Well, this a great opportunity for the both of them.” Steve said.

“For what exactly?”

“Maybe they’ll bond over something and get close with one another.” Natasha replied, sitting next to Sam on the table.

“Yeah, and that’s what scares the hell outta me.” He responded and stood up from the table and began to pace.

Sam has always put an overprotective bubble, over (Y/N). Her being both his only daughter and child, he just wants the best for her. And (Y/N) sees that, but he doesn’t know that she’s losing the opportunity to be a teen.

She wants to go out with friends? It was a lovely day, until she caught him watching her and her friends through some bushes, with goggles and full on camouflage.

Yeah, now she only sees those friends during school hours.

Sleepover with the besties? Yeah, just ready for constant check ups and phone calls. He wants to know what you’re doing 24/7.

And suddenly those sleepover invitations get lost in the mail.

Don’t even get him started on dating. Sam will not allow it, until he’s ran an entire background check on the guy.

Now none of the guys at her school talk with her, everyone sees how protective he is of her. It’s sweet, but also completely unnecessary.

The door swung open as Peter ran inside trying to shove something into his backpack. “You wanted to see me, Mr. Wilson?” Peter asked, feeling nervous and on the verge of sweating.

“Oh, don’t be silly. Call me, ‘sir.’” Sam said, as Natasha game him a look, but he shrugged it off.

“I called you here, because I wanted you to meet someone. She should be here any moment.”

Not too long later, she walked inside the building and Sam immediately stood next to her. “Peter meet-”

“(Y/N)? Hey! How are you?” Peter says, as (Y/N) got closer to him and hugged him tight.

“Hey! I’ve been good!” They both smiled at each other, as they let go of one another, then they both looked away from each other, feeling embarrassed and flustered.

“Sooo.. you too already know each other?” Steve asked, and Peter was quick to answer.

“Yeah, I mean we,” Sam stared at him giving him a slight death glare. “We don’t actually, I don’t know her. Who are you again?” Peter said stumbling over his words, scratching the back of his head.

I rolled my eyes and stepped forward, “Peter and I met in school, he’s a good friend.” I smile at him, as Peter gave me a nervous smile.

“Good, that’s great! How about you two catch up and reminisce about, whatever things teens do these days. We have to have a quick talk with your dad, (Y/N).” Nat told me, I nodded and took Peter somewhere else in the tower.

Once they were out of earshot of everyone else, Peter let (Y/N) know just how nervous and frightened he was.

“He’s gonna kill me isn’t he? Like I know I offended him in some way so like, I might not wake up tomorrow, and-”

“Peter! Relax.. he won’t do anything to you. I promise.” I replied and Peter calmed down almost instantly, and took some deep breaths. “Hopefully..” I murmur to myself, underneath my breath.

“What??” Peter asked, clearly hearing what was said. I laughed running off and he began to chase me around.

#x reader #wattpad #fluff #fluffed up #sam wilson #peter parker x black!reader #peter parker x reader #spiderman #spiderman homecoming #tom holland #black!writer #black!reader #all inclusive #overprotective!sam Wilson

[arueternity]

II's ABC's

PAIRING - II x reader, II x polyves (Briefly mentioned)

WARNING - NSFW! Slight talk of BDSM, Excess cum play, TRANS II (not really a warning), Talk of exhibitionism

AUTHOR'S NOTE - Slowly but surely getting back into writing yall! Totally didn't accidentally sign myself up for writing something for an artist... Wish me luck yall! Hope yall enjoy!

WORD COUNT - 1,042

Master List

❥ A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

➛ Aftercare with this boy consists of him rubbing any sore spots he left on him, kissing the bruises, and thanking you for being with him.  ➛ Once y'all are cleaned up, he’s grabbing the both of y’all a Red Bull and a joint. 

❥ B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

➛ His? The veins on his hands and forearms. It proves his work on the drums AND it looks good wrapped around someone's throat.  ➛ Yours? Hips. He would die for your hips, his hands are always on at least one when he’s near you. Gentle kisses turning into bites when he’s going down on you. 

❥ C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

➛ Since my II is trans, he uses a squirting dildo often.  ➛ “Accidentally” fills you up with cum, watching it drip out of you because your body couldn’t physically handle how much he came in you.  ➛ And oh sleep does this man LOVE to have your cum in his hands. Will lick it out of them while making eye contact. 

❥ D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

➛ He has a stash of his own nudes and masturbation videos.  ➛ Yes he keeps it mostly for his own pleasure but he will sometimes send them to you just to tease. 

❥ E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

➛ Was literally a fuck boy before settling down with his partners and you.  ➛ Knows the ends and outs of both male and female bodies, will make you cum as much as he can before even fucking you. 

❥ F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

➛ If he’s fuck you? It’s doggy style with his hand pushing down on your shoulders to keep you down and taking his cock.  ➛ You fucking him? He’ll take the Amazon position so that he’s still in control, plus it’s kinda challenging but interesting. 

❥ G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

➛ Definitely is the type to laugh during sex. Always trying to crack jokes with you to ease your anxiety. 

❥ H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

➛ Dare I say… hairy? I mean it’s neat and clean but there of course is still hair. Makes him feel good. 

❥ I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

➛ He's romantic with it, always taking his time even during the harder scenes. He praises you for doing so well, but also adds in some degrade if you’re into it. 

❥ J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

➛ His sex drive is really high due to T.  ➛ It doesn’t help when he sees you but can’t have you at the moment, he just has to run and find a private place. 

❥ K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

➛ Exhibitionism because he loves to let the others watch as he takes you apart 

❥ L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

➛ He’d must rather take you in his room, basic maybe but he has all his toys there. 

❥ M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

➛ Your laugh… Not the normal one, the teasing one. Where you are purposely trying to get him going. 

❥ N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

➛ Feet. Just no feet for him. To each their own but he just doesn’t see the interest in them

❥ O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

➛ For the love of god, if you wish to function for the rest of the day do not let him give you oral.  ➛ He loves pleasing his partners with his mouth, loves having to hold their hips to keep them from squirming.  Actually doesn’t like receiving oral much. He’ll do it with Vessel but that’s about it 

❥ P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

➛ Both! Mhm! He’s super good at figuring out what your body needs and is okay with changing things when it needs to be.  He prefers fast and hard, wants to be bruised or bruise you. 

❥ Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

➛ Give them all to him. Every moment he can, he’ll drag you away make you cum. He doesn’t care about himself when it’s a quickie, though he will please himself while pleasing you. 

❥ R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

➛ Experimenting is his thing, always down to try anything. Is actually the one to BRING up things most of the time. 

❥ S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

➛ If he’s using the strap, he’ll last for a while. Fingering and or jerking you off? He’s going to last a good bit too, drummer arms you know?  ➛ But he himself, doesn’t last long. He cums so quickly it’s almost embarrassing if it wasn’t for the fact he could go again. 

❥ T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

➛ I cannot list all of the toys he owns but he owns a lot..  ➛ Loves using them on you and himself. They’re his main go too. 

❥ U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

➛ Huge tease. Sometimes he doesn’t mean to, it’s just when he’s high he seeks out touch… and that touch turns teasing by accident. 

❥ V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

➛ Loud as fuck. Thank you for vocal men.  ➛ But if he’s doing the fucking, its medium volume, nothing to much but nothing that leaves you wondering if he’s enjoying himself. 

❥ W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

➛ I’m almost embarrassed to say this… But he can squirt…

❥ X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

➛ Nothing much after you strip him. Sometimes he’ll wear a packer or the harness to the strap-on. 

❥ Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

➛ It’s so high… poor little guy. (I’ve talked to my trans friends and I feel for them)

❥ Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

➛ Yet again my version of the vessels do not sleep often, the most he’ll do is close his eyes and let you take a nap on him.

Master List

#sleep token #sleep token ii #sleep token iii #sleep token iv #sleep token vessel #imagine #headcanon #sleep token ii x reader #sleep token headcanons #smutty

[clambuoyance]

I’ve never been so obsessed with a character so bad that I literally can’t do anything else I’m like the squidward meme watching SpongeBob frolic outside the window stretching a hand out to all the pretty paintings and animations and comics I see in my head but being unable to feel any motivation for it . If only i could use the energy spent to create 20 kon doodles to sit down and concentrate on a single finished full piece I used to be able to make like 5 page comics what happened to me

#sighs yes before anyone says anything IK it’s probably adhd related 😭 #BUT ITS GOTTEN SO BAD I CAN FEEL THE DIFFERENCE IN MY BRAIN HOW DID IT GET WORSE #it’s probably a mix of burnout too but I don’t get tired of drawing ? #it feels like when u get dizzy or change glasses or so #and it’s either everything is wayyy too in focus and you can see literally everything clearly that it hurts ur brain #which doesn’t help given how saturated w information the world is always #and simultaneously somehow everything is blurry or out of focus and I physically have to strain myself to hone in on one thing #I JUST WANNA READ COMICS AND FINISH A DRAWING AND HANDLE WORK AND SCHOOL AND TALK TO MY FRIENDS #ALL IN OME DAY #BUT MY BRAIN IS LIKE. TODAY IS ONLY FOR COMICS. YOU CANT DO ANYTHING ESLE #😫🫶 I’m deleting this later I’m just ranting LMAO #I’m highschool it’s crazy bc I did okay and then honestly i just think my ability to concentrate has deteriorated as the years have gone by #free me!!! #either way I want to lessen my social media and just pick One bc girl I have an Instagram a tumblr and a twitter this is horrible for me . #honestly I’ll probably pick instagram and just post on tumblr when I have art #I already do that #I mean when I have Good art. #IM RAMBLING IDK

[algolagniaa]

ngl it’s always annoyed me how so many women talk about how not cleaning up after yourself is a Man thing and it’s so easy to do and you just need to do it and there’s no way anyone actually has trouble with it…… trust me I would love a clean house but actually making that happen is boring and overwhelming and time consuming and idk how anyone actually does it

#I can’t focus on it ever #I would rather do Literally anything else with my time #I also don’t know how to do it really and to do lists only take me so far #and I’ve had people try and help me but when I try to do it by myself it doesn’t stick idk what it is about this specific thing #I don’t have the same evil in my heart that men do I just wasn’t born with a passion for cleaning just because I’m female

[kimtaegis]

I’m feeling quite sad about how much the active bts fandom on tumblr has shrunk and/ or how selective the community has become regarding content interaction. I’ve heard people pointing out a clique-building here lately, and while I’m well aware of closer mutual circles existing – and I can only speak on behalf of my friend group here – these pretty much develop naturally when there’s just no one else who reacts, reblogs from and talks to you anymore except for these handful of people. I don’t like that some people perceive these “cliques” as “exclusive”, for example to content creators only. that’s bullshit; it’s certainly not great to have only other cc’s support your work because they personally know how much time and effort it takes. also, knowing how lovely most of these people are, you’d get immediately followed back and showered with love too as soon as you’d even show a speckle of kindness on a regular basis, regardless of whether you make gifs yourself or not. ccs dedicating sets to each other isn’t a sign of exclusivity, but rather us holding onto and appreciating people who still give us at least some motivation to create and post in the first place anymore, because there’s quite literally no one else left by now.

#this is rather general so I’m putting more personal thoughts in the tags here #I really don’t feel like creating anymore :( #like I genuinely only post for birthdays or gifts cause I see no point in anything else anymore #at least that one person will care you know #I don’t post that much anymore but when I do I put so much love and effort into it #and it never feels good to click that post button anymore #also. #man it fucking stings to realise that people who follow you definitely scrolled past your own post #cause they reblogged sth from you that you posted before your self reblog #it makes me so so anxious and insecure #I’ve been pressuring myself to post so much only to be met with dismissiveness when I do #that doesn’t feel great in the slightest #I said a while ago that I don’t want to take a break and that I want to keep creating #but the disappointment lately was pretty drastic #I’ve been at this point several times before so it’ll probably pass again #but it’ll never not suck to see your days of work and creativity be ignored #it feels once again pointless to try to make original things #should just stick to 10 gifs of the same clip #or shirtless tannie gifs #it’ll get me the exact same recognition if not three to five times more #and takes so much less time

[jittyjames]

ptsd is being such a bitch to me tonight guys. your girl is not doing well.

#i don’t want to feel this way #but i don’t know how to stop it #i just feel myself spiraling out of control again and all of these thoughts keep coming with it #it wont leave me alone #i want it to leave me alone #i don’t want to go on more meds bc they fucked me up even more and i want to be able to think #but my heart has started pounding so quickly again that i can’t focus on anything else #i feel so empty and weird and vague #december is always a bad time and it’s hard when i don’t have class or work as a distraction #i’m always on the verge of crying and #i just do all these breathing techniques that don’t work #and i just lay in a ball on my bed shaking and hurting #you know it’s bad when even writing doesn’t calm me down #ocd combining with ptsd is a hell of a thing #how can you calm yourself down when you’re not thinking rationally and it won’t leave your head #part of me just wants to panic and get it over with but i feel like if i start i won’t be able to stop and just simply fly into hysterics #idk #just haven’t felt this bad in a while #i just want to get out of my head so bad #i wish i could turn thinking off #sorry i know y’all aren’t my therapist and i should get my own #but im still on my parents insurance and i don’t think they would allow that #i don’t mean to vent #i just feel really hopeless and shit rn #anyway #i’m going to try to sleep and hope it will be better in the morning #it wont be tho lol #nothing is ever better #bc the universe and god hate me

[willowfey]

starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal

#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept #i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them #if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens #i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it #i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut #it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair #my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking #if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back #if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off #ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal #but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends #i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens #and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too #since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out #i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now #now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that #i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly. #if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill #in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it #my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes #sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know??? #but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested #i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore #i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world

[foxgloveinspace]

I did what I always do when I get this storm anxiety and I watched goofy videos and reels all day and today ha get like three days and also I’m just so so so stressed about tomorrow night cause my whole family is gonna be split up around the county and I’m so so…. Not ok.

#very much so #uuugh #I hate tornadoes so freaking much. #would feel better if we had a storm shelter of ANY KIND but the closest we have is the half basement in my aunts hous (in the same yard as #us) but like!! NOTHING HERE. we live in a tiny ass trailer house!!! #I’m gonna fucking vomit. #and of course no one actually takes me seriously #like they are predicting SOFT BALL SIZE HAIL. not even tornadoes this time is the main worry 🥎 size hail. #uuuuuuugh. I think most everyone in the family will be home….. when it hits….. but fuck dude I think my sister will still be at work and #she is the BIGGEST liability in this shit thunderstorms do NOT scare her at all and I HATE IT. #and by that I don’t me ‘she doesn’t worry’ I MEAN SHE STANDS OUT ON OUR METAL FRONT PORCH AND WATCHES THEM. #she’s crazy!!!! #I know I’m just….. repeating myself a lot but I’m so terrified you guys. #I don’t think anything will happen and yet…. this is so scary to me #and I’m just…. it’s the first time in a while we’ve been directly in the Bad Zone and it’s so so scary

[dersitedreamr]

Has Kanaya ever stated having feelings of guilt over killing Eridan

#me asking questions that I can just go look at honestyuck wiki and answer myself #well acthually 🤓 #I’m asking bc I think the answer is no and it’s just fascinating that #she doesn’t #or doesn’t enough to really say anything #when terezi has a whole thing over it eventually #Kanaya #Actually better question: do we Care

[footnoteinhistory]

Every time I think haha what could go wrong? and then I end up pacing in my bathroom stressing out feeling like the most pathetic awful useless teenage girl in the world again

#^​girls when they text him happy birthday #and the worst thing is it’s all me. I psych myself out he doesn’t do anything wrong. he’s just nice to me #oh well . time to go back to pretending I don’t still think about marrying him sometimes haha. it’s no big deal #better to forget it I hate how I felt back then I hate feeling that way now when I know I’ve grown out of it