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wen-kexing-apologist · 7 months

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Who is Mew Anyway?

I realized we are over halfway through Only Friends now, and that I have only talked about Mew once in my write ups. Which…makes sense for me, all things considered, until now he’s kind of been a blah character in my eyes. And I am leaning in to and really appreciating how intentional that is beginning to feel on behalf of Jojo and co.

When you think about it, until literally halfway through the show we have known almost nothing about Mew besides the fact that he is the table keeper for his friends, he is a hotel management student, and he’s a virgin. If you asked me to list any other facts about Mew’s life or his role in life, I would not have been able to answer much of anything.

And that’s because Mew isn’t really anything. Personally, I feel like Mew thinks he has a strong sense of self and the second that something comes along to question that, all those illusions he has of himself start crumbling. When I look at Mew’s character, and I mean start getting in to the nitty gritty of Mew’s character, I don’t think Mew has any idea who he is. Which, for a show about college students is fucking brilliant. I thought I knew who I was in college, and then I graduated and promptly became queer and trans. I thought I knew what career I wanted, and then I ended up going to grad school for something outside of my initial plans. I know @waitmyturtles mentioned something similar about trying on different personalities in college in her Episode 7 Review.

Think about Mew’s apartment, it was his mother’s old place. He took it over after she moved out. He didn’t choose this place, we can’t be certain this is the type of apartment or the location that Mew would actively decide to be in. When he brings Top home the first night they meet, Top comments on the place:

“Your room is nice, it suits you”

To which Mew replies ‘It’s my Mom’s old room. I decorated it using ideas from the internet”

Which says to me that Mew’s own personality, his own interests weren’t even involved in the creation of his own personal space. He decorated it based on inspiration from what other people had done to their own places. And Mew’s apartment fascinates me further, as a color-coder in BL kinda person. Because Mew’s apartment is all over the place in its decoration.

On one wall we have striped wallpaper, in orange hues.

On another we have light blue walls with white and golden patterning. A yellow couch, a blue bookshelf.

In his room he has a wall that is painted a solid green

And I can’t quite get a good image of it, but the opposite wall in his room is painted a dark turquoise with white patterning, which is different from Ray’s house, but still evokes a similar visual point of comparison.

Even Mew himself, when we first meet him is alllllll over the place with his colors. He has lines all over his shirt, with squares of different colors. His second look of the show is a solid light blue shirt over top of a striped shirt with orange, green, yellow.

His bed sheets are similarly stripes with dark gray, green, yellow, and orange.

Which is to say, at the beginning of our time with Mew, it is hard to pin down who he is as a person. He doesn’t have a color, he doesn’t have a pattern, to associate with his character. He fluctuates between rich, saturated colors and light, washed out pastels.

When I think of Mew, I think of all the outfits he’s worn that have a strong green tint to them, but honestly, looking back through his wardrobe, Mew has a broad range of colors he chooses from.

(Now, I recognize that all of this could be because the costuming department does not actually care about color coding, and that the eclectic styling of Mew’s apartment was just how it already was. And that’s fine, but I’m here so I’m gonna overanalyze it.)

All this to say that, Mew’s colors, Mews home, Mew’s pattern choices are all very disparate. All this to say that as a result I am now assuming that Mew does not know who he is, and neither do we. He could go any number of ways. Mew could go orange, yellow, green, blue. He could be complicated (with complex patterns) or straight forward (with solid colors). But none of us know at the beginning of this show quite where he will go.

Truthfully, the only aspect of Mew that I have seen be steadfast throughout the show, is Mew’s moral superiority complex. Everything else is mutable. Mew has throughout most of the show, regarded himself as a good person. He doesn’t drink much, he doesn’t dance much, he doesn’t sleep around at all, and that somehow in his mind, grants Mew the opportunity to talk down to his friends.

He’s not an alcoholic like Ray who he has no problem lecturing in the bathroom about how he is going to be dead by 30, despite knowing that Ray is/was suicidal. He’s not a slut like Boston, who is far too obsessed with Mew’s virginity, etc. etc. etc. Mew fucks with Top, deciding that he is going to wait to have sex with him for awhile. And that is his right, but Mew doesn’t say he’s waiting because he isn’t comfortable with sex. He tells Boston and Cheum that he is waiting to have sex with Top to make sure that Top is serious about their relationship. Because if Top is serious about dating Mew without sex being involved, that means that Mew is worthy of the top tier because he is top tier, and not because he is an easy lay that Top can use for bragging rights (bagging a virgin).

And I would have previously entertained a conversation around whether or not that is true, but unfortunately for any dissenters to my read of Mew, now that Mew has decided to #embracethenasty, there is no convincing me out of my observation that Mew does not know who he is.

Why? Because the second that Mew starts retaliating against Top, the second he decides to ruin Top’s life, to stoop low, to be the lesser person…Mew starts dressing like Ray. I am certainly not the first person to notice this, it has been circulating in multiple different forms across my tumblr page, but.

Gif from @firstmix

Mew doesn’t know who he is, Mew doesn’t know how he fits in to the world now that he has decided to make Top’s life a living hell. I am not convinced Mew is capable of seeing himself as a bad person, because he isn’t a slut or an addict or a cheater. [As an aside here, this is Mew’s thinking, not my own personal beliefs on what makes someone a good or bad person]. So, of course, if he wanted to become a bad person. If he wanted to play at being as toxic and terrible as the people around him, it makes sense Mew would don the wardrobe of his “best friend”, Ray. Ray, who Mew looks down on for being an alcoholic, for not valuing his life. Who Mew has told time and time again to love himself, and to quit drinking and doing drugs, as if that is going to cure Ray’s addiction. And who in under five minutes just took a blowtorch to everyone’s relationships.

Why? Because Mew is so self-righteous that he looks down on others around him. Mew isn’t ready or willing to look at and acknowledge the nasty, flawed parts of himself, so he adorns the nasty, flawed parts of others, to abstract himself from his own behavior. He uses Ray’s clothing, Nick’s methodology, and Boston’s personality to retaliate at the people he feels wronged by.

Mew uses Boston against himself, wielding Boston’s sexual prowess, his willingness to fuck, his Hunter charm to get himself in to Gap’s apartment. He uses Nick’s methodology to steal the video of Boston and lords the knowledge over Boston’s head (like Nick did to Top), and again, he is wearing Ray’s clothing. But while Mew is trying to be a chameleon in his behavior, his appearance, his strategy to get back at Top, Mew’s own flavor of flaw starts becoming ever more clear.

Mew has a superiority complex.

It is absolutely, unbelievable shitty and vile to threaten to out Boston to his father. To treat Boston’s privacy and safety with such disdain. Boston records others and he keeps those images as evidence, so Mew steals Boston’s MO. Mew takes the recording of Boston, looks Boston in the eye, and makes Boston think that he is going to hold on to that for evidence.

Now, right before this, Mew does actually draw a comparison point between himself and Boston.

“You and I have something in common.” he says

“We’re both gullible”

Mew makes Boston beg. And after he has made Boston sweat sufficiently, he throws the flashdrive on the ground. He says: “I’m kidding. No matter how much I hate you, I won’t do it. Because I don’t betray my friend like you did.

“Then I’d be just as filthy as you are.”

While Mew is able to identify a potential flaw of his own, being gullible isn’t a fundamental aspect of Mew’s personality or character, being gullible isn’t who Mew is. It’s a flaw that he is pointing out only because he is still reeling from allowing himself to be fooled by Top and Boston. It’s a flaw that he is point out so that he can weaponize his superiority complex.

In other words: “You and I have something in common, but I am better than you because I don’t betray my friends” As if he didn’t just threaten to publicize Boston’s sex life to his father, the implications of which could have a national impact.

And while it is ultimately unsurprising that Mew channels Ray in doing all of this, it is interesting. Interesting because Mew is using Ray. Mew not only knows that Ray is capable of fucking up his own life, and the lives of the people around him, he also knows that Ray is the least liked by both Boston and Top. Boston’s distaste for Ray is subtle, as his obsession with Top and Mew has been more at the forefront of his interactions with his friends. But we have seen from the very beginning of this show that Boston does nothing to care for Ray. Boston is assigned to take care of Ray and make sure he is safe when he’s been drinking too much. Boston literally never once helps Ray when he’s drunk. Boston sees Ray and Sand crossed, cuddling, and generally having a good time, and Boston goes and airs Ray’s dirty laundry. Ray is the first person to confront Boston about cuckolding Mew.

So wearing clothing that is reminiscent of Ray when Mew goes to Boston’s house to threaten him is a flavorful undertone for how Mew is hoping Boston will see him.

At the points in which Top and Mew interact during the episode, Mew is not dressed like Ray, but he sure as shit does lord Ray over Top just to fuck with him. When Top comes to apologize to Mew, Mew asks Ray to find a new designer, literally asking Ray to replace Top. When Ray helps treat Mew’s injury after the group fight, Mew decides to use Ray as a rebound. To use Ray’s feelings for him as a way to experiment, once again, with the type of person he wants to be and the type of person he wants to be with. We end the episode with Ray and Mew dancing together at the bar, Mew dressed in a very Ray style

Because Mew is trying Ray on for size, trying his fashion, his company, his lifestyle (as we see from the promo for next week) and that is prone to make RayMew crash and burn, because Ray is self-destructive enough as is, and I don’t think Mew is going to do well with treating himself with Ray’s level of self-care.

Mew doesn’t know who he is, Mew doesn’t know what he wants, the only thing Mew knows is that he’s better than everyone around him, and he can only stoop as low as them is by pretending he is them, rather than facing the fact that he's just as terribly human as the rest of the group.

#only friends the series #ofts #only friends #raymew #topmew #forcebook #book kasidet #khaotung thanawat #neo trai #force jiratchapong #ofts meta #ofts analysis #only friends analysis #only friends meta

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lurkingshan · 10 months

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Some Highly Recommended Kdrama

My pal @troubled-mind asked me if I had any recommendations for good kdramas to watch, and my answer to that is: literally always. I put together this short list for them and decided to share in case anyone else is interested.

Parameters for this list: modern setting, strong focus on friendship dynamics, mix of genres, avoid university settings, no one-sided romantic pursuits, and no terribly sad endings

Be Melodramatic/Melo Is My Nature (Viki)

Fantastic friendship focused drama about a group of close friends who all move in together in the wake of personal crises. A healing drama that includes a couple love lines. And an out gay side character (still extremely rare for mainstream kdrama, unfortunately). This one will make you laugh and cry.

Happiness (Viki)

Pandemic zombies attack! Now I am not really a zombie person, but I absolutely love this show. It’s about a pair of working class besties who decide to get married in order to win a housing lottery (one of them may or not be hoping this fake marriage turns real), then immediately get caught in a lockdown with all their new neighbors when there’s a zombie virus outbreak. Shenanigans ensue! This is more action thriller than horror, and the two main characters are some of my all time favs. The writing, plotting, and pacing are tight as hell and it’s a rare perfect 10 for me on that front.

Coffee Prince (Viki)

MY BELOVED. This is an absolute classic genderbend kdrama that I’ve watched several times. The show that made Gong Yoo famous. An honest to goodness queer narrative about a chaebol who meets a girl pretending to be a boy for poverty reasons, falls in love, and has a bisexual awakening. This show was way ahead of its time even if it doesn’t use our modern language (you will not hear the words trans, non-binary or bi/pansexual but trust me, they’re there). Also features a fun friend group who all work together at the coffee shop. I try to make everyone watch this one, and recently got @bengiyo and @kyr-kun-chan to watch and validate my read of the story, and they enjoyed it a lot despite the messy hets. Be warned though that this drama is old old, so you’ll need to adjust to the visuals.

Fight for My Way (Viki)

My all time favorite friends to lovers drama, this is a coming of age tale of two best friends and their long journey to getting on the same page about romance. Their dynamic is fantastic and the story is mostly set in their early adulthood as they try to establish themselves in careers and make sense of their bond as adults. Also features their close friends who form a fun little group with them. And Park Seo Joon, a god among drama actors.

Hospital Playlist (Netflix)

If you want excellent friendship dynamics, look no further. This show is all about a group of five friends who met in college and have stuck together for over two decades and all of life’s ups and downs. The story begins when they find themselves all working in the same hospital for the first time since med school and decide to restart their old band. Yes, there will be singing, and no, you don’t have to cover your ears - the cast is stacked with South Korea’s best musical theater talent. This drama is slice of life and takes us through a couple years with them as they reforge their bonds and each deal with their own family baggage and love lives.

Misaeng (Netflix)

My all time favorite workplace drama that has the unique distinction of being the only show to ever make me literally burst into happy tears. No romance in this one. Story centers on a former baduk prodigy (think if Reply 1988 Taek stalled out instead of becoming a master) who attempts to enter the workforce with no discernible skills. He bumbles and fumbles and alternately competes with and bonds with his fellow interns, and forms a deep and lasting relationship with his mentor. When I tell you this show is a master class in writing to create emotional stakes, phew! How else can you explain me getting deep in my feelings over the success or failure of an import/export company?

My Mister (Netflix or Viki)

This one is a bit darker, as it deals with themes of intergenerational trauma, abuse, poverty, depression, and general ennui. Not a romance, this drama focuses on the strange and unexpected bond that forms between a middle aged man and a younger woman working on his team. They meet at an important inflection point in both their lives and forge a friendship that changes them both. Really moving and utterly beautiful, with an ending that will make you feel happy to be alive.

Extraordinary You (Viki)

Time for a change up! This is a fantasy show in which the main character becomes self aware and realizes she is a side character in a manwha. Technically set in a school (inside the manwha) but not actually about that. She bonds with another side character who is self aware, and the two of them start working to change the story so that they can break free (and fall in love while doing it, naturally). The concept of this one is just so cool and they do a lot of interesting things with it, plus the visuals are stunning.

The Uncanny Counter (Netflix)

Because I know you liked Oh No! Here Comes Trouble, I’m adding this one about a kid who discovers he has superpowers and teams up with a little found family of grim reapers to fight evil. The family unit is great and there’s lots of good stuff in their various relationships with each other. This one is a lot of fun but also touches on the characters’ sad backstories and family lives.

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo (Viki)

You said to avoid university settings but I’m adding this one in case you want to give a classic college romance a try. My fav in that category, it’s a sports romance between a weightlifter and a swimmer who used to be childhood friends and reconnect in college while they’re struggling with performance issues, body image, and romance. It’s a friends to lovers slow burn and they are utterly adorable.

If you like any of these, let me know and I can give you more recs!! Y’all can hit me up anytime, getting other people to watch my fav shows is one of my number one joys in life.

#kdrama #kdrama recommendations #kdrama recs #shan recommends

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pedge-stuff · 10 months

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HC: like if u are dating Pedro he is protective af in public. like the man is so sweet and wholesome but i like to think that if you ever get “harassed” in public or someone tried to record you,bother you, say he can do better than you to you or him he will like get sooo mad. He would barely be able to keep it together idk and like say things that would be unimaginable for normal pedro. (idk like just imagining him yelling or being like pissy and talking back to paparazzi or smothing is just whhwiwjwbwjwowiw to me) but its like sweet af, because it shows how much he cares about you. and that u are everything to him and whateverrrrr 🥺

idea ig idk

hm i will be back !!!! 😌 with more hc!! because this man had taken over me heh 😞

-thankful anon again as always still greatful for marked universe, m/gn content and the new fluffy fic that included oscar and the edibles ooohhhh so cute i melted !!!!!

I love where your head is at. Veered left with this one, hope it went vaguely where you were hoping. Thank you for the rec! :) Come back anytime. piss yellow range rover (pedro pascal x gn/m!reader)

a/n: same vague universe as “marked.” apparently no one comments on this app anymore but they are my favorite so please drop a line!!

tw: gay slur in the middle. trans character, trans writer.

summary: baby's first homophobia

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You’re surprised it took so long, really.

A full month after Pedro’s Tonight Show interview goes viral. After his SNL debut, the following week he spends holed up recovering, his begrudging return to LA for Mando press, and your reunion in the LAX Arrivals driveway two weeks later. Four full weeks— long enough that it no longer gripped teeth into the front of your mind.

Long enough that your guard was down.

Until, of course, some asshole decided he needed to be tastefully homophobic before his morning cup of coffee.

You were midway through your LA morning routine: parting with Pedro in the parking lot of the strip mall that housed his personal trainer, and timing your long run around the surrounding area with the duration of his session, such that you were back to pick up a 2-drink mobile order at Starbucks by the time he emerged.

Your very normal, palatable oat latte was balanced atop his stomach-turning 6 black espresso shots, as you watched Pedro round the corner through the window.

Sweat is beading at his temple, but he is all smiles as he trades you a kiss for his plastic cup.

It still feels like a novelty. Neither of you are usually PDA people, but the sudden lack of secrecy has brought on a second wave of the honeymoon phase. You can just do things like this, now— kiss in Starbucks or hold hands at restaurants or be seen grocery shopping together. You don’t have to take separate Ubers to the same place on date nights.

The sun is shining, your iced latte was made right, your workout is over. There is a whole day in front of you, and a handsome man beside you. A man who holds the Starbucks door for both you and the woman pushing a stroller inside— but only reaches for your hand after.

Things are actually really, really good.

Until you step off the curb:

“That is not the way. Fuckin’ fags.”

Crazy how quickly some guy sipping a green goddamn smoothie can ruin your peace. Two guys, actually, snickering to each other as they unlock their car.

Beside you, Pedro goes incredibly still. He drops your hand.

“What did you just say?”

His friend, chewing on his straw, grins as your stomach turns. A shit-eating grin. “At least it’s kinda straight, right? Dude’s got a pussy.”

They erupt into laughter.

White noise buzzes in your ear; your cheeks flush. “Come on.”

You break away, towards the car, but his feet are rooted to the ground. “Pedro. Come on.”

They are still laughing as they duck behind the tinted windows of a piss yellow Land Rover. Laughing as they close the door.

Laughing as five and a half shots of espresso splatter across their black-tinted windshield, streaking in brown rivulets down the yellow hood.

Pedro turns, finally, and stalks quickly across the lot. You have to jog to keep up. Behind you, the assholes are yelling profanities, but you don’t hear a car door open. Cowards.

The moment he settles into the drivers seat, Pedro pounds a fist on the dashboard. Hard. His fingers curl into a tight grip around the steering wheel, which he clutches like a lifeline as he draws in a handful of ragged breaths.

You can only watch from the passenger seat. Try and ignore the fact that he won’t look at you as he starts the engine and peels out of the lot.

The drive to the Hills is dead silent. Even the radio can read the room.

Silence acts as a breeding ground for your racing thoughts, which multiply like hatching mosquitos. Your ears are still ringing. Buzzing.

It’s your fault— this is a fact. This was his biggest fear, wasn’t it? The backlash? This didn’t happen before he came out. (Before you forced him to come out, though he swears that wasn’t the case. You’d just finally, maybe begun to believe it, after a month. Or not.)

This happened to you, sure. Less so in New York, or LA. It’s almost funny, that you apparently stumbled across two of the only straight people in LA this morning. Shitty people live everywhere.

You’d both disabled the comments section of your instagram for a few days, but by and large, the feedback had been overwhelmingly positive. Until today. It’s different hearing it face-to-face.

Pedro is halfway into the house before you realize you’re home. Slowly unbuckling, you debate leaving the iced latte in the cupholder; the thought of it turns your stomach.

As you greet the dogs by the door, a distracted ‘hello,’ you watch him slip out to the condo balcony. He is clutching a pack of Spirits in a clenched fist.

What are you supposed to do? There is nothing you can do, besides apologize. You pace between the kitchen and living room, chewing on your cuticles, eyes closed. The sweat from your run has now cooled uncomfortably on your skin. An apology won’t be enough, but you don’t have a solution. You can’t take it back. He can’t come un-out.

The balcony door slides open, and Pedro is still silent as he shuffles to the kitchen. He pours a glass of water— out of habit, you assume. Though you never mind, he always washes the taste of tobacco away, after he smokes. Refuses to kiss you until after he’s cleansed his mouth, lest he leave any trace of stale smoke on your lips.

Before you can really register, he has crossed into the living room, and pressed his lips to your own.

He kisses you softly, and then moves to your forehead, eyebrow, temple, along your jaw. Doesn’t go as far as your neck, which he knows you are sensitive to— these kisses are not foreplay. They’re too light, too quiet. Your eyes flutter closed.

Pedro’s chin hooks over the top of your head. His arms wrap around your shoulders. Your cheek presses against the base of his neck.

“I’m sorry,” he says, before weakly clearing his throat. “I don’t know why I did that. I don’t know what came over me.”

“Why are you sorry?” You pick your head up. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? You… handled that so well, querido. I lost my shit. I have never gotten physical like that before, I don’t know what came over me. I’m not violent. They were just… they can’t say that. It’s not right.”

It is your turn to reach up, place a kiss on the angle of his jaw. “You are not violent. You did not lose your shit.”

“It was a perfectly good coffee,” he pouts.

“We can get another,” you placate, “but I can’t get another you. People are always gonna say shit. It’s kinda nice to have something so good, it makes people mad.”

Pedro chuckles, weakly. “Yeah. I guess.”

“If it’s easier to lay off for a bit, though—“

“Lay off?” His brow furrows.

You rub a hand up and down his arm, lightly. “The PDA, doing public stuff, I dunno. I don’t want you to—“

“Are you joking?” You are given a look of sheer disbelief. “Jesus, no. Isn’t that what they want? You want them to win?”

“It’s not a competition, Pedge. I want you to be safe, and comfortable.”

“Fuck that!” His exclamation is loud enough to startle Edgar, whose collar jingles as he jumps grumpily off the couch. “I love you. We went through too much shit, to not be able to hold your hand outside a fucking Starbucks.”

Pedro’s hair is a little tousled, cheeks a little flushed. He’s maybe never looked more attractive to you.

“Okay?”

You exhale. “Of course.”

There is a pause, as the morning settles back around you. The sun is still shining, your workouts are still behind you. Plenty of time in the day to walk to a different Starbucks, for another round of drinks. Maybe you’ll hold hands on the way there. You can, if you want to.

Pedro tugs on the collar of his white t-shirt. He grimaces. “Can we shower, though? I think I smell like the ocean.”

You don’t mind.

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal one shot #pedro pascal rpf #pedro pascal x male reader #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fluff #the last of us #joel miller x reader #joel miller

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razberrypuck · 1 year

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so many thoughts about mama and papa tidestrider now that we know a little more abt them (they're briefly mentioned in gill's character sheet) so have a collection:

knowing that falyn (gill's mom) is a fucking shark tamer actually makes total sense. who else would be batshit insane enough for their child to be born in the scenario gill was born in.

reed (gill's dad). is a florist. and im fully expecting him to be a giant nerd I can feel it in my bones. this man was raised by finn tidestrider. there's no way he isn't.

gillion's respect for nature doesn't come from the elders it comes from his parents I know it!!!!!! even if he doesn't have many memories of them I KNOW reed and falyn's jobs being so heavily based in nature influenced gill in some capacity!!!!!!!!!! with the added bonus of finn being The Biologist of the undersea,,, its them theyre the reason bc why would the elders care whether or not gill cared about nature

gillion looks more like falyn. edyn looks more like reed. I don't make the rules.

if/when we eventually get their canon designs I want falyn to be jacked and I will accept nothing less (bonus points if reed is just a silly guy. her lame husband that she hypes up.)

btw I just decided reed is trans. he named himself after the plant.

in personality, edyn is quite similar to falyn-- but edyn shares her more quiet nature with reed. both parents had very little influence on gillion.

reed has a massive garden at the house. he keeps plants everywhere inside.

#im making them my ocs sorry charlie sorry grizz #theyre MINE now #jrwi riptide #jrwi #just roll with it #jrwi show #gillion tidestrider #jrwi gillion #edyn tidestrider #jrwi edyn #finn tidestrider #jrwi finn #jrwi headcanon

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temporalhiccup · 1 year

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As creators, we cannot help but plant the seeds of our inner truth, even if we're unable to see it in the moment.

I say this because, many times, I wrote about being trans masc before I realized that's who I was.

I think the clearest example of this is The Doll, one of the characters you can play in Our Haunt. I wrote the first version of the game in 2019.

Our Haunt is a creepy-cozy game of a found family of ghosts, and the haunted rooms they have claimed for themselves. You decide if you want to attempt to reconnect to the painful memories of when you were alive, or create new ones with your new family.

Here's the description of The Doll playbook:

The Doll

You wake up feeling constricted, suffocated. The world around you is suddenly so large, wide, overwhelming. But your body is not your own, and your small voice is strange and terrifying. You’ve woken up in the body of a doll, and don’t remember how you got here.

Did you come into this body willingly? Or did someone force you into this strange vessel? Your best chance at leaving this prison is by working with the other ghosts of your Haunt.

I wrote the doll to be any kind of haunted toy really, not necessarily a femme doll. But looking at some of the character creation options, it's crystal clear to me in hindsight. The Doll speaks to my experiences as being conditioned by society to perform femme. I was assigned female at birth, and so female I must perform by exacting standards, and fail miserably all my life.

I add additional themes, narrative and emotional layers to explore, for each playbook. For The Doll, I didn't question at the time why I thought lies, infantilization, and bodily transformation were the right themes to go with. I mostly write from a place of intuition, that looks like stream of consciousness writing to the casual observer.

There are many telling things: such as a look option of porcelain falling from my face, a memory of a mirror showing a dark reflection behind me, the yearning to make my body more pleasing to me.

Of course, as the Doll, you have access to moves like tell a lie someone else wants to believe and change your body in a spooky manner. There's a lot more in the playbook, oh boy.

In one of those "Rae should have realized something was going on" moments, a similar incident would occur almost every time I playtested Our Haunt with folks. Different folks! Different groups! And almost every single time, a trans person would pick up the Doll and say, "It's amazing how well you captured the trans experience in this playbook."

And I, utterly clueless, would respond along the lines of, "Wow, that's so strange, I'm not trans!"

One time I said that, and the discord call got very quiet. There were a few seconds of an incredibly distinctive pause. At the time, I wondered if I had said something offensive, by misspeaking in a trans space (hah!). But now I realize that at least one person (if not all of them) were thinking, "Ah, an egg. Well, who are we to crack it before it's ready?"

The thing is, I played the Doll a lot. I even remember thinking, "It's funny how this is the easiest playbook for me to play, I'm not drawn to this archetype at all" (HAH!!)

The Doll is just one example of my heart and soul finding its way to express itself before I could stumble unto the truth. I think it's one of the many amazing gifts that art, and the act of its creation, can give us:

The gift of the truth, even before we're ready for it. A moment in the past, surrounded by layers of clarity, waiting to be unearthed by our future selves.

I'm very proud of Our Haunt, and it's the first of my games to actually get published and printed! It came out earlier this year, and is one of the brightest lights in what has been a dark time. I can't believe you can find my game alongside other wonderful titles by Possum Creek Games!

If you do pick it up, I give you full permission to flip through The Doll and have a little chuckle, at my expense. I promise I'm a very good sport at being such a tough egg to crack.

P.S. The Doll, and all the art of Our Haunt, was created by Habil Firdaus.

#sword queen games #design breakdown #ttrpg design #our haunt #indie ttrpg #transgender

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redgoldsparks · 5 months

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November 2023 Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut.

Frankisstein by Jeanette Winterson read by John Sackville and Perdita Weeks

This book has three different story lines, one of which is much stronger than the other two, which is making it hard for me to figure out how I want to rate the book. The opening story line, and my favorite, is about Mary Shelley during the period in which she wrote Frankenstein. These scenes especially in the audiobook are beautifully read and atmospheric, damp, melancholy, introspective, with engaging characterizations of Byron, Percy Shelley, and the other guests of the house. The second story line is about Ry Shelley, a trans doctor living in post-Brexit Britain who becomes entangled romantically and criminally with Victor Stein, a researcher focused on AI, cryogenic preservation and reanimation, and training robots to detect human diseases. Ry is fairly genderfluid, and is often described as both a man and a woman, or a boy who is a girl who is a boy. I appreciated having a trans POV character in this book, but wished Ry had more of his own ambitions and plot- he seemed to exist primarily to have conversations and sex with Victor, who insisted over and over that he wasn't gay even after falling for and sleeping with Ry. Ry also interviews and then is repeatedly misgendered by Ron Lord, a Welsh entrepreneur in the sex robot industry- there is a lot in this book about sex bots, including huge chunks of uninterrupted dialogue by Ron Lord that got fairly repetitive in audio. Ry is also the victim of a bathroom sexual assault near the end of the book that felt thematically unnecessary and punishing. I can imagine a different version of this book where Ry was the one conducting the research that Victor does in this book, and his love interest is a modern version of Percy, which might have interested me more. There's also a third partial story line about Mary Shelley meeting a man named Victor Frankenstein who claims to be the character from her book; these didn't add anything for me. Would I recommend this? Hard to say. It's a complicated queer remix of Frankenstein and I was engaged while listening to the majority of it but there were also pieces that fell short of my expectations.

The Hills of Estrella Roja by Ashley Robin Franklin

High school senior Mari is woken from a nightmare about voices calling to her from a pit in a cave to learn that her grandmother is dead. Mari, her mom, and her little sister drive back to Estrella Roja, their small mysterious Texas hometown. Meanwhile, Kat, a college freshman who runs a podcast about the paranormal with her best friend, receives an anonymous email tip about the "devil lights" of Estrella Roja and decides to solo road trip to investigate it over her spring break. Kat can't find anyone in town willing to to talk to her... except Mari, who is both sad and bored, and can't seem to connect with any of her close-mouthed relatives. The two stumble across something in the desert that was spooky enough to make me wonder if I should be reading the book before bedtime. This story weaves a queer meet-cute with a dark family history into a very effective YA horror tale. The inking and coloring are absolutely gorgeous. Scary, but not too scary for me, a known scaredy cat!

The Dyslexic Advantage by Brock L Eide and Fernette F Eide

I highly recommend this book to anyone who has dyslexia, is parenting a young person with dyslexia, works in education at any level or is just in general interested in how differing brain structures effect things such as working memory, 3D visualization, problem solving, and other areas of cognition. I've known I was dyslexic since I was about 8 years old, but I had never picked up a book on the topic. I found this very interesting and very easy to read (its printed in a san-serif font with large page margins, and also short well-structured chapters). It contains many real-life stories of people with dyslexia rising to the very pinnacle of their chosen fields as well as a good section of layperson's neuroscience of brain structure and some of the latest research on memory formation. The authors do an excellent job highlighting how so many of the things that are cast as weaknesses or drawbacks in dyslexic students' early education are often reshaped into strengths later in life. Multiple times the authors emphasized that while dyslexic students should receive extra instruction in reading in early childhood, that they probably won't catch up their peers until later in life, often in high school or beyond and that one of the most important things is never letting the dyslexic student give up on their own ability to learn, thrive, and succeed. Most dyslexics are late bloomers, but as the book says, "time is on your side."

Divine Rivals by Rebecca Ross read by Alex Wingfield and Rebecca Norfolk

Set in a kind of fantasy WWI, this story follows Iris, a young woman who had to drop out of high school after her brother enlisted and her only other relative, her mother, fell into depression and alcoholism and lost her job. Iris begins working at a newspaper, vying for a regular columnist position against her office rival, handsome and wealthy Roman Kitt. Iris has a magical typewriter, and she writes letters to her brother regularly, even though she's never received one back from him. She slips these letters under the door of her wardrobe and in the morning they are gone. What she doesn't know is that the letters are making their way into the bedroom of Roman, who also has a magic typewriter. They begin a correspondence and a budding friendship. But a series of misfortunes befall Iris and she decides to enlist at the front as a wartime journalist. Will Roman follow the woman he's beginning to fall for? Will he ever tell Iris than he is her penpal confidant? This story was fast paced and interesting throughout, but at the end I was left with some critiques. Primarily, the way the book simplifies war by making the cause of war a divine conflict outside of mortal responsibility. It felt like an extremely watered down version of a wartime romance, with none of the political questions that would have plagued the characters had the book been set in actual WWI or WWII. The book also has a cliffhanger ending, and sets up a plot twist that will probably delight some readers but which unfortunately falls into one of my LEAST fantasy favorite romance tropes. So I will not be reading the second one unless someone else reads it first and spoils some of the plot for me!

Land of Milk and Honey by C Pam Zhang read by Eunice Wong

What a delicious book, in many senses of that word! The unnamed main character is a Chinese-American chef from Los Angeles who is stranded in London by natural disaster. A toxic gray smog envelopes the majority of the world, killing most crops and animals. Countries close their borders as their populations being to starve. The chef is offered an unbelievable job in a billionaire's small private country, a mountaintop in Italy which still has access to some sunlight and caters to a set of unbelievably wealthy residents who bought their way in. The chef lies on her resume, padding it out a fictional degree from a French culinary school and experience at closed Micheline start restaurant. The chef is granted access to the country for a probation period and re-encounters a lush array of ingredients she thought were extinct from the world: fresh berries and greens, rich cream and butter, unpreserved meats and fish. Under the cold eye of her cruel employer and his charismatic and ambitious daughter the chef tries to prove she can cook dishes that will astonish the 1%. Little does she know she was hired as much for her skill in lying as her ability to cook well. This book had more queerness, more speculative elements, and more hope for a world destroyed by human greed than I was expecting. The descriptions of food, flavors, textures, and the intersection of appetite with pleasure are rich, powerful and evocative. I really enjoyed this and I particularly recommend the audiobook.

The Mysteries by Bill Watterson and John Kascht

Watterson's first offering in many years is a strange little picture book. This fable opens with a kingdom surrounded by a deep dark forest. The people are fearful of mysteries which live in the forest, so the king sends his knights into the forest to capture a mystery. Most return empty handed, or do not return at all. One knight captures a mystery and it is not what the people expected. The art is quite elegant, black and white photographs of dolls posed in blurry but evocative settings. The story is very slight, and I'm not sure it delivered on the depth it seemed to be reaching for. Maybe check this one out from the library rather than buying it.

Everything is Beautiful and I Am Not Afraid by Yao Xiao

I've been following Yao Xiao's work online for several years and I'm really glad I finally made time to read the collection! The brightly colored pages are full of small, poem-like comics that circle and return to multiple themes: self-esteem, coming out as queer, being a Chinese American immigrant living in the US, trust, taking up space, trusting in one's own strength and the love of friends and community. The artist draws themself as a small character with orange hair and a black elf hat and moves like a spite through urban landscapes, clouds, dreams, gardens, hopes, fears and other elements of the unconscious. There's no overarching narrative, but the many small experiences add up to a greater sum than their parts.

Fool’s Errand by Robin Hobb read by Nick Taylor

This book begins 15 years after the end of the Farseer trilogy. Fitz, the bastard son of royalty, trained as an assassin, who survived torture, a war, a coup, multiple attempts on his life, a long dangerous journey, deadly magic, and the death of his king and close friend, has retired to a small cottage near the sea. He lives a small peaceful life there with his old wolf, Nighteyes, his adopted son Hap, a pony, some chickens, and a garden. He's working on his memoirs. Then the world turns up at his door again, demanding as much of himself as he has to give, again. Kettricken's son, the Farseer heir, is missing and no one knows if he was kidnapped or ran away or something more sinister. This story was EVERYTHING I WANTED AND MORE! One of the best books I've read this year, a rich, emotional, satisfying return to the Farseer world. I love how this book deepened and complicated Fitz's relationships from the previous book: with Chade, Starling, Nighteyes and most especially with the Fool who is once again living at court in a completely new guise. Every character in this series feels so real, so grounded, so impacted by the events of the world, and the consequences of their own choices. I've been disappointed by a lot of the fantasy I've read this year, but this one not only met but exceeded my expectations- especially because I read this book once before, when I was 16, and didn't love it then. Now I am obsessed with it. I think I just wasn't ready to read a book about adults and the uncaring passage of time as a teenager. Literally thirty minutes after finished the audiobook of this book I started the sequel because I couldn't wait to find out what happened next!

#reading #books #comics #book reviews #audiobooks

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batsarebetterthanpeople · 3 months

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Doesn't Frankenstein deliberately build his creature to be beautiful? Dude's already doing eugenics by selecting the most aesthetic cadaver parts.

Well yes he did and it ended up the opposite despite his best efforts but to be honest the creature is described with black hair in conjunction with the line about making him beautiful so I would say that he's building a man to his aesthetic tastes rather then attempting to make a perfect Aryan or something. Which I suppose is a kind of eugenics technically maybe depending on how you define eugenics. But I don't think it's useful to our understanding of eugenics or to our understanding of the novel to apply that lense to it. Aesthetic choices need to be made in Victor Frankenstein's build a bitch laboratory. While he might be somewhat limited in skin color by being in Germany, he can pick more or less any hair or eye color he likes any bone structure he likes and so on. The monster is by necessity intentionally designed in a way that human beings are not. So any aesthetic choices made being made differently would result in the same moral outcome. It's less selective breeding for particular traits and more like basing the face mold of your android based off somebody's porn viewing habits like in that movie ex machina with Oscar Isaac.

All that being said he was designing a monster to impress German and Swiss scientists in the 17th century of course there were eugenics involved in his reasoning on the features. But the loosely implied eugenics are not even the most racist thing about the book either. It takes time out of its day to be orientalist as fuck. When Clerval comes to school he's taking fucking oriental studies which lumps together Arab Indian and Chinese philosophy, when the monster is living in the out house of the peasants an Arab woman named Safie arrives and her whole motive for being there is that she is trying to marry Felix because in the west women are allowed to have a station in society(citation needed) and if she went back to those barbaric Muslim countries she would be forced to join a harem. And then Clerval decides his calling is to quote "aid in the European colonization of India" and that line is just glossed over, he's a completely sympathetic character, and he dies at Adam's hands before he can do it. But I don't particularly blame Mary Shelley for any of that because who was gonna tell her that that's racist? It's the background radiation on society at the time. I hope if I ever get published people reading my book in 200 years will think of me as a pioneering trans author in my genre who was low key racist because it will mean society got better on the race issue.

Anyway tl;dr maybe, but reading the creature as a stand in for marginalized people is reading way against text (I think if you're reading it as a trans allegory the against text reading could work but a racial minority reading falls apart very quickly). The book contains orientalism that is jarring to a modern audience so let's not put the cart before the horse. It like most novels written in a year that starts with a 1, is a product of its time and requires that you read it with that in mind. it's part of how you read a book

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sickknotdoom · 3 months

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Someone should tell Eve that squeak doesn't get to decide how we feel about squeak's characters.

REAL. this is definitely gonna set some people off, but the whole "cuddles is the only real villain in the entire story and all the other staff are actually innocent" narrative is bullshit. nearly everyone that works at that hospital tortures and permanently detriments innocent lives if not ending them entirely in brutal ways, and were supposed to just forgive every single one just because "theyre being forced to do so"?

also, the "one true villain" being the only cishet and likely only neurotypical in the comic really rubs me the wrong way. apparently the reason sparklecare even got rebooted was because kneeby thought having evil characters also be queer was "bad representation". i am not a fan of the "queer people can do no wrong" approach. as someone whos gay and under the trans umbrella, id like to point you towards dahmer and chris chan.

jeffrey dahmer was a gay man who cannibalized other gay men. christine chandler is a transgender woman who committed incest. those traits are not mutually exclusive in the real world. they are taken simultaneously, unrelated to eachother unless you go out of your way to relate them. and i think its safe to say that nobody would try and link dahmers sexuality with his actions unless theyre homophobic.

just because one figure within a minority is fucked up, does not mean the rest of the minority is fucked up by association. if that was the case, then id be associated with edp445 and h/tler due to the fact im black and suffer from autism. but thats not the case at all, so why are the clowns so afraid of letting queer characters be antagonists, or vice versa?

all the nurses are treated like theyre completely innocent just because of their identities and/or them being possibly coded as neurodivergent. it seriously comes across as infantilizing queer and/or autistic people, which as someone whos both, i do not like. especially nurse puppy. i do not like the way puppy is written.

puppy is, in my opinion, the most explicitly autistic coded character in the comic (not including characters that are confirmed to be). lo is also the most babied by both the clowns and the fandom. loves whole premise is that cuddles brainwashed lov into seeing loves job (murdering and torturing innocent civilians) as a fun game. lo is canonically 30 years old, by the way.

speaking from experience, us autists are relatively easy to take advantage of when were younger, due to our difficulty grasping social cues. ive been taken advantage of by so many people in just fourteen years of being on this earth. ive been groomed, sextorted by someone who i saught out comfort from after said grooming, painted as a predator by the very person who sextorted me, and then propped by my only remaining "friend" group who would bring all that shit up just to milk my reaction and use it to further damage my reputation.

almost all these people were also queer and autistic, and coincidentally also liked sparklecare, my sextorter being the one who initially got me into it, since he had a uni pfp one time. theyre also victims of similar shit themselves. does that mean all queers/autists/sparklecare fans/abuse victims are like them? no. but does being any of those things excuse the torment they put me through? no the fuck it does not. you cannot give me the excuse of them "not knowing" or being "brainwashed", theyre all at least two years older than me, some being legal adults as im writing. you cannot convince me they didnt intend to fuck me up.

so it reasonably infuriates me to see a Grown Ass 30 Year Old Adult That Murders People For Fun And Listens To Them Scream In Misery With A Smile On Loves Face given the excuse of "lo doesnt know!!!! blame cuddles not lov!!!!" and the fandom just not questioning that at all. imagine watching your lover or best friend get murdered by someone breaking into their house and chucking a toaster into their bath while theyre taking a shower, and the cops* tell you to sue the manufacturers of the toaster. see how fucked that logic is? thats basically sparklecare.

*not like you should trust american cops but i needed an example ok

one of these people i described earlier happens to kin puppy, what a surprise. maybe im just projecting, but the most explicitly autistic coded character (also the only character so far that uses neopronouns/identifies as a xenogender) being treated this way is revolting to say the least, and i feel like lo is made immune to criticism by the clowns because lo just so happens to be those things. if this character werent queer, they would give no chances.* i will gladly allow puppy to exist as is, same personality, everything, i dont mind. its the constant infantilization and justification of loves abhorrent actions that upsets me.

*and this applies to all the other nurses in the comic, except maybe nurse snare since shes practically nonexistant after volume one. but in volume one we are shown barry being tortured and injured by, as far as i can tell, every nurse thats been introduced so far. barry, one of the fandoms most beloved characters, is put through excruciating pain and trauma on screen (with a million trigger warnings before each page, in typical clowns fashion) and nobody gives a fuck once its over, just because everyones queer except cuddles, and cuddles is the Only One To Blame For Anything At All Times.

the cycle of abuse is extremely common. an abuser being a victim does not cancel out them being an abuser, and if theyre not actively seeking help theyre a bad person, regardless of what minorities they belong to. but that does not mean everybody within that minority is a bad person. sparklecares creators and fandom cant seem to grasp that. kneeby cannot erase my opinions on the way the staff is portrayed.

#WARNING #I START TALKING ABOUT TRAUMA LIKE HALFWAY THROUGH THE POST #tw grooming #sparklecriticism #sparklecare criticism #.png.svg

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dragonsarecats · 5 months

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[ Previous anon ]

I'M SORRY FOR WORDING IT LIKE THAT I played the Golden Deers, some of my favorite queer ship are with Deers and some of my favorite character are among the deers! My favorite deer ship is probably Leonie x Lysithea ( She litteraly say Leonie would make an incredible partner! Why do their support stop at B again?? ) and my otp is Hilda x Edelgard ( do not judge me I have REASONS ). And also, one of my favorite queer headcanon is trans aro-ace Claude! So I genuinely love the Deers as queers!

However, for me the deer and the diverse queer content around them is heavily a fandom thing. When I say the deer are "too straight for me", I meant it for the game directly. Like you have the Black Eagles where not only litteraly every characters is canon queer/has heavily subtext but has also its whole narrative drenched in queer metaphor! You have the Blue Lions where, while there's less "canon queer", you litteraly cannot say most of its members are straight with how heavy the subtext that's barely even subtext anymore is: there's 0 straight explanation for Felix crying more at Dimitri death than his wife, or him dying the same day as Sylvain because they can't live without each other.

But for the Deers... You have Hilda/Marianne and Claude/Lorenz as the most popular one but while their relationship are so fascinating, when you only look only at the game, they feel too platonic? Especially compared to a Dedue/Dimitri ( like a family in private. took up a post at his grave for the most of his days. BURIED BESIDE EACHOTHER ) or a Ferdinand/Hubert ( rare A+ support, with blushing, their own little surname, Ferdinand/Edelgard support changing just to mention Ferdinand drinking coffee ). Otherwise you have Leonie/Lysithea which stop at B. You have Raphael/Ignatz where they decided to just push the relationship to make their ending all about Ignatz with his sister.

Like really, the Deers manage to have less in game queer moment than the Church of Seiros, Rhea aside, of all things! We were so robbed! The rainbow house deserve better. I'm a lesbian and after all my playthrough Verdant Winds was my only route where I had to marry a man, all I wanted was a lavender wedding with Claude while I have a passionate romance with Leonie :(

To sum up: Lysithea and Leonie should kiss, Intelligent Systems are fucking cowards

For the fandom I'll have to disagree, I think the Deers have a lot a queer content and it's amazing :] My only thing might be how Claude has become the first character you think of when talking about bi fe3h character which is kinda telling how wlw are dismissed in the general fandom, but its better than some people insisting he's totally straigh so eh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

( Also I big agree on Hilda support being gem, she's such a great character and one that's much more complex than given credit for!! )

Oh and I think I disagree with Deers being the more family found-esq ( saying that bc it's a great subject of I discussion and I want to hear more about your opinion on the matter )

The Lions is the family where they all stick together through thick and thin, following Dimitri to hell and back, but their relationship are complexe and not always healthy ( mostly at the beginning with like Dimitri & Felix or Ingrid & Sylvain ).

The Eagles are the found family where a lot of them bitch about each other at first but they end up with deep relationship where they take care for each other and stand together against the world, even sticking together during the time skip ( also because they kinda all killed each other dad ).

The Deers are for me more like an actual close group of friend: their life are not going to revolve around each other like it does with the other houses, but they won't hesitate to come for that 5 years reunion to see the other. It's kinda like you say they're so normal in a good way! They tease each other but they don't hate each other in the way of a Dimitri/Felix, a Caspar/Petra, a Ferdinand/Hubert ( except for Lorenz but like, it's Lorenz ). They won't kill the other dad, but they'll sure as hell support each other like Lorenz and Ignatz or Marianne and Raphael. They might not start a revolution together but they will listen to the other even when it’s total heresy ( Leonie & Claude, such an incredible support :’) ) and help the other to reach their goal… I do agree with you it’s linked to not knowing each other before, but on that, isn’t knowing each other before more of a Lion thing than not knowing being a Deer thing? I don’t know, the BE are kind of a middle ground.

( Sorry for my ramblings- It's so fun talking about the deers )

AA anon thank you for the long ask!! Okay I'm gonna take this point by point under the readmore!

"My favorite deer ship s probably Leonie x Lysithea ( She litteraly say Leonie would make an incredible partner! Why do their support stop at B again?? )"

INCREDIBLY fair and based of you, lol, I read Lysithea as gay and it's 100% because of the support conversations she has with Leonie and Hilda (which to me implies an ADORABLE crush--Lysithea seems to genuinely respect and admire Hilda which is not something you'd expect from like, a surface level reading of their characters).

I'm gonna admit my own bias here in terms of canon text endings--my favorite Lysithea ending is her paired ending with Lorenz. It really reads like a queer platonic relationship to me--I don't really get romantic vibes from either of them (gay as they are) towards each other, but the commitment and care they have for each other genuinely warms my heart. Especially the fact that like, Lorenz is SO determined to ensure Lysithea takes care of herself and the ending doesn't really imply that she dies young (only that her health is delicate/poor) in comparison to others, and she and her family get to live the quiet life they want. Of course, as an aro/ace disabled person, I think it probably hits differently for me than people who aren't just because of the fact that after the most recent time I saw their support chain/got their ending I teared up a bit (and also why I'm now adoring your trans-aro-ace Claude).

ANYWAYS, I agree IS are cowards and that's why Edelgard is the only Lord who can romance both male/female Byleth.

"For the fandom I'll have to disagree, I think the Deers have a lot a queer content and it's amazing :]"

I probably didn't word what I meant completely lol correctly-- it's not that the Deer don't have a lot of queer content, it's just that overall, they have less content in general made for them then the Black Eagles and Blue Lions.

I do ALSO love so much of the queer content made for the Deers! The Three Houses fandom is amazing.

"My only thing might be how Claude has become the first character you think of when talking about bi fe3h character which is kinda telling how wlw are dismissed in the general fandom, but its better than some people insisting he's totally straight so eh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯"

Okay, so I was kind of dancing around saying this to your last ask but you hit the nail on the head lol. I genuinely think the reason why the Deer might come across as less queer is because the "main ship" for them, so to speak, is the WLW pairing Hilda/Marianne.

Ironically when I think about bi fe3h characters my first thought is consistently Lindhardt?

"Oh and I think I disagree with Deers being the more family found-esq ( saying that bc it's a great subject of I discussion and I want to hear more about your opinion on the matter )

Okay so I definitely agree with you that they're all found family, explicitly in the text lol. What I meant in my statement that they're the most found-family-esq is that you get to see the development of ALL their relationships and becoming that family together on screen.

The Lions (a mess, and I love them), are pretty heavily involved with each other at the beginning of the game. A lot of the intrigue with them is the fact that they all have backstory stuff going on with each other (save for Ashe, I think, but we kill his dad on screen so). Mercedes and Annette went to Sorcery School together, Felix/Sylvain/Dimitri/Ingrid are all childhood friends with intense complications, and the trauma and deliberate kindness that brought together Dimitri and Dedue makes me emotional.

Similarly to them, the Black Eagles all have a history with each other (save for Dorothea) as well. There's the insane and amazing devotion between Edelgard and Hubert, Lindhardt and Caspar's childhood friendship, the onesided rivalry going on between Ferdinand and Edelgard since they were kids and Hubert's judgement of Ferdinand for it. Petra and Bernadetta, technically don't have pre-established relationships with the others, but in ways that are deliberately intense. Petra is blatantly a political hostage in the Academy Era in a way that really informs her relationship with Edelgard and Hubert even before they get to know her. Additionally Bernadetta's isolation creates a kind of infamy between her and the other nobles.

The Golden Deer, on the other hand, don't really have as many intense bonds going in (and thus, in my opinion, makes it easier for Byleth to integrate amongst them as an eventual equal). There's the preestablished dynamic of Lorenz being suspicious of and wanting to best Claude, but it's a recently developed dynamic, as Claude only appeared a year ago. This would be a bigger personal issue if he was leading a house like the Blue Lions or the Black Eagles (noble heavy as they are), but it's barely an issue in the Deer and not just because of the commoners. Hilda, Lorenz, Lysithea, and Marianne are not close. In all his supports with the three of them, Lorenz is the one reaching out because of his belief that their time in the Academy should be used to form better and closer connections with other nobles. There is nothing to imply that there was any substance to their pre-existing relationships. The only two who have anything to their relationship before the game starts, are Raph and Iganatz, who haven't spoken in years, mostly due to guilt on Ignatz's behalf for what happened to Raphael's family.

So as a result, you get to see the bonds being formed and deepened with the Golden Deer from scrap. Obviously some development happens off screen during the time skip, but other than that the Deer's found family forms and develops completely on screen, which is why I think it's the most found family-esq of the three.

In fact, it's a huge part of Claude's story. It's something you don't really notice in his route, but it's really clear when you don't pick him. While Edelgard and Dimitri kind of can't function and literally can't without Byleth's support, Claude has probably the highest survivability rate when you don't choose him of any character save technically Marianne. He survives the Blue Lions route, the Black Eagles route (if you spare him), and is implied to have survived the Silver Snow route. When he doesn't have Byleth, he still survives, so not choosing him isn't as dramatic. But it's easy to see that without Byleth as a teacher, he doesn't open up enough to the Deer. Dimitri and Edelgard have assured loyalty from their houses (even Ferdie and Felix) becuase of these pre-established relationships and positions, but Claude has to earn it. That's why Hilda, despite being his vassal, is recruit-able so long as you don't choose Black Eagles (the only route where he can die). Without Byleth, although the Deer do grow close, they don't do it as quick or as closely as they do with the Professor. Claude is a character who's never been able to truly rely on others, even if they care about him, and being able to rely on Byleth allows him to open up and rely on the Deer and truly trust them. I mean, Claude's two most relied upon people in the Deer (as seen in 3Hopes when he goes against Dimitri) are Hilda and Lorenz. I don't think people talk enough about how insane it is that Claude trusts Hilda Goneril with his life, considering he's an Alymran prince.

That's also why I think the Deer are so good for Byleth. I don't think any of the other route's are bad for Byleth at all, but I think the deer provide something to Byleth that neither the Lions or the Eagles can bring to her: a single of equivalency. Byleth is only slightly older than her students in the Academy Era and is in fact younger than most of them in the War Era, and yet it's only really with the Deer that she feels like she's amongst peers (whether it be because of the commoner/noble ratio or that she's as much of a stranger to them as they are to each other.) I mean, Claude is literally the only character who doesn't call refer to her by her Profession.

Anyways, TLDR: I think they're the most found family because a huge part of the Golden Deer route is them getting to know and love each other from scratch, and being a found family is a much bigger thematic aspect for them then it is for the other two houses.

"However, for me the deer and the diverse queer content around them is heavily a fandom thing. When I say the deer are "too straight for me", I meant it for the game directly. Like you have the Black Eagles where not only litteraly every characters is canon queer/has heavily subtext but has also its whole narrative drenched in queer metaphor! You have the Blue Lions where, while there's less "canon queer", you litteraly cannot say most of its members are straight with how heavy the subtext that's barely even subtext anymore is: there's 0 straight explanation for Felix crying more at Dimitri death than his wife, or him dying the same day as Sylvain because they can't live without each other."

"But for the Deers… You have Hilda/Marianne and Claude/Lorenz as the most popular one but while their relationship are so fascinating, when you only look only at the game, they feel too platonic? Especially compared to a Dedue/Dimitri ( like a family in private. took up a post at his grave for the most of his days. BURIED BESIDE EACHOTHER ) or a Ferdinand/Hubert ( rare A+ support, with blushing, their own little surname, Ferdinand/Edelgard support changing just to mention Ferdinand drinking coffee ). Otherwise you have Leonie/Lysithea which stop at B. You have Raphael/Ignatz where they decided to just push the relationship to make their ending all about Ignatz with his sister."

Okay, so I definitely agree with you that those things are canon queer and subtext, and that it's a shame they don't push the Raphael/Ignatz stuff and focus on Ignatz and Raph's sister (which is admittedly adorable to me).

Again, I'm aro/ace, so for me, queerness doesn't necessarily require romance as a prerequisite? Which is why I like Lorenz and Lysithea's ending, lol.

Hilda/Marianne in no way reads platonic to me, so I really disagree with you there. Hilda treats Marianne completely differently to how she treats everyone else in game. Their support chain is focused on how Hilda, who manipulates her way out of doing anything she doesn't want to, chooses to consistently over and over again do things for Marianne that she can't, and refuses to let Marianne feel bad over it. She leverages this into Marianne buying her pastries and them having a lunch date together. Their A support consists of Marianne questioning their regular dynamic of doing this and Hilda reassuring that she enjoys it so much she'd feel odd if it changed. They compliment each other to the point where Hilda starts to get a little flustered, and Hilda's even able to poke fun a little at Marianne and get Marianne to poke fun at her back. Marianne laughs at Hilda, and Hilda textually thinks it's adorable and can't even get mad at it because it's so cute. Marianne seems so genuinely happy and herself (even in negative ways!) with Hilda, and can rely on her in a way that doesn't make her feel inadequate or a burden.

I can understand as being able to view Claude/Lorenz as platonic, especially since I will never diverge from my Claude/Byleth endings, but I think they can also still be read pretty textually clear and potentially romantic. Part of this is Lorenz, who just, is very clearly gay to me? But again, part of this is the fact that a huge part of the Lorenz/Claude dynamic is them being viewed textually as equals, which is something that will and can never happen with Edelgard/Dimitri and their rival characters. Their support chain is all about getting to know and respect each other as they grow to care for one another, and while it isn't explicitly as romantic as Marianne/Hilda, I think their paired ending really speaks a lot for itself, in that Claude trusts Lorenz to be Fodlan's face of diplomacy towards Almyra. He trusts Lorenz to help him achieve his dream in the most direct way possible, something I think you can absolutely compare to his relationship with Byleth in their S-Support. Additionally about their support chain, their A-support really is about affirming to the player how close they've become, how fond they are of each other, and how neither of them can imagine the future of Fodlan without the other one in it. While there isn't a lot of direct text between Claude/Lorenz, I think there is absolutely enough subtext that you could read them romantically, especially from Lorenz's POV. The hard thing with this game is that each character needs to be able to be paired with Byleth, so they can never be textually obviously/blatantly in love with another character save for Byleth until their paired ending, and I think that absolutely holds doubly true for Lord characters, which is why I think Claude/Lorenz relies more on subtext.

I do think it's a shame that Lysithea doesn't have any A supports with women in her own house. Leonie like you mentioned is an adorable one, and I think Lysithea has a huge crush on Hilda in the ones with her, and there is definite potential in the one she has with Marianne (which in my opinion is a kinder, more gentle version of her supports with Ignatz).

I also think there's a few other support chains where there is a queer romance blossoming, they just don't get the chance to have an ending. A big one for me, personally, that I think deserved more, is Ignatz and Lorenz. I also think Leonie and Marianne's support chain was very cute, and deserved an A.

This is kind of what I was saying when I answered your last ask, I think, wherein the Deer have queer romance, but because the don't have a big blow up mlm ship (Claude is more often shipped with Dimitri + a lot of people aren't as fond of Lorenz as I think they should be lol), they kind of get sidelined as their big queer ship is WLW. And unfortunately in most fandoms, wlw ships are rarely as popular or have as much pushing force.

And also, I think, that the deer are queer without having as much romance. Their romantic pairings are far less set in store then the other two houses, I think, and part of that is because a lot of their endings read really queer platonic to me. Plus, a lot of the heavy romance lifting in the explicit text for a lot of supports tends to happen in the A/A+ region, and a several of the wlw/mlm golden deer pairings only go to B, which I think is a shame and forces them to rely more on subtext.

Additionally, because they're not the revolutionary or chivalry aligned House, a lot of their endings aren't written as...dramatically? Like I adore Felix/Sylvain to death (I have a print of them hanging next to my Claude one lol), but their childhood promise is very much the product of living in Faergus, similarly to how Hubert and Ferdinand's relationship is defined by them living in the Empire. I think because the Alliance politics are far less dramatic (or are far more dramatic in a visibly different way) the subtext for Claude and Lorenz's Romeo/Juliet for politics thing doesn't come across as huge as two characters who promised to die with each other as kids and keep it (insane I love them).

That's why in my original post I talk about loving how normal the Deer are, and I think ultimately a part of that comes from their setting: the Alliance. In my first play through, I specifically chose having my loyalties lie (in the initial meeting with the Lords) with the Alliance, because to me, someone who had no real context for the game, the Alliance was the closest thing to a democracy from what little we'd hard of each nation. Politics informs almost every aspect of the Golden Deer; sure it's played for angst and importance in the other two routes (Duscur/Sylvain's Crest Complex/Felix's problem with the chivalry system for the Blue Lions--with the latter two never being things that are textually resolved in the Kingdom's government--and Enbarr/those who Slither in the Dark for the Black Eagles), but Claude actually has to balance what other lords want in the War phase, and it's his ability to be so good at politicking that enables the Alliance to consistently remain neutral in the war. So a lot of the subtext stuff comes to fruition through the realm of politics in a way it doesn't entirely through the other two, if that makes sense. It's a huge gesture of love that Claude can trust Lorenz with his dream.

"The Deers are for me more like an actual close group of friend: their life are not going to revolve around each other like it does with the other houses, but they won't hesitate to come for that 5 years reunion to see the other. It's kinda like you say they're so normal in a good way! They tease each other but they don't hate each other in the way of a Dimitri/Felix, a Caspar/Petra, a Ferdinand/Hubert ( except for Lorenz but like, it's Lorenz ). They won't kill the other dad, but they'll sure as hell support each other like Lorenz and Ignatz or Marianne and Raphael. They might not start a revolution together but they will listen to the other even when it’s total heresy ( Leonie & Claude, such an incredible support :’) ) and help the other to reach their goal… I do agree with you it’s linked to not knowing each other before, but on that, isn’t knowing each other before more of a Lion thing than not knowing being a Deer thing? I don’t know, the BE are kind of a middle ground."

I both agree and disagree with what you've said here!

I think it's true, that in any route where you don't choose Byleth, the Deer are textually viewed much more as just close friends rather then found family, whereas I think if you chose their route they end up much closer (as I said above). I think the Black Eagles and Blue Lions have their lives, by nature, revolve around each other since they're literally all Nobles and thus part of the governning system of this world (with the exception of Dorothea). I think the Golden Deer have to make it a much more deliberate choice, and I do think it's something they do after the War in any route (assuming the majority of them have been allowed to live) because that sort of thing just forms a life long bond between people that's hard to shake without deliberate effort I can't imagine any of them truly wanting to put in.

They are normal! None of them hate each other! They don't have that sort of intensity, but they do have a lot of complexity that lends itself very well to found family. I think a big part of that complexity lends itself to the lack of killing (although I don't really think any of their parents deserve to be killed whether they've alive or dead?). The fact that Lorenz's dad has Claude's uncle killed (which when combined with Hilda, again, being a fucking Goneril is INSANE my man's two best friends are people who have reason to kill him for BOTH SIDES OF HIS ANCESTRY) and thus gets Raph's parents killed is something truly heartbreaking, and yet I think it's because there's no violence amongst each other or against the previous generation that characters like Claude (has had violence perpetuated against him for his heritage), Marianne (has had implied violence perpetuated against her for her crest), and Lysithea (has had violence perpetuated against her to get her second crest) are able to feel safe amongst the Deer. Violence is an intense choice, but I think lack of violence should also be viewed as something deliberate and chosen, esp. in the world of Three Houses. I mean, throughout Verdant Wind Claude is constantly complaining about the perpetuation of violence caused by the War! He's someone who deliberately chooses direct harm reduction. Although, to in fact speak of violence, I think it's absolutely insane that Hilda "I refuse to die for my friends" Goneril will willingly die for Claude "DO NOT DIE FOR MY SAKE FLEE PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU RETREAT" von Riegan's sake.

I do think that the Golden Deer are the most similar to a modern queer friend group and thus would be the easiest to make a 1:1 comparison, but again the events of the game do kind of necessitate that they are found family because they go through a war together. Their group dynamics are probably the most influenced by Byleth (Dimitri and his relationships with others while "mad" of course, aside), and it's really hard to make generalizations about them because again, the fact that she is not there to facilitate these close bonds makes it a lot harder for them to be as close as they are before the war as they end up being, although even without Byleth I still think they're exceedingly close. But yes, I agree, they do not live in each other's pockets, which does not make them any less found family, but does, probably, make them healthier in modern context lol.

(As a side note about Byleth and the house leaders: I think what she visibly provides to Edelgard and Dimitri is a lot more obvious than what she provides to Claude. She helps the both of them in maintaining themselves and not loosing themselves to the burden of leadership and trauma. Claude, however, is a character who has been handling both of those things alone, and we are shown that he is capable of handling them alone without massive cracks appearing in Three Houses. Claude does not need Byleth to live, as the other two directly do. Byleth gives Claude someone consistent and trustworthy to rely on, which opens him up to being able to do it with the other members of his house far easier then he's able to otherwise.)

Anyways! I think the Golden Deer are very queer, just more subtextually so then the Black Eagles and Blue Lions. I personally view a lot of the straight endings, so to speak, as queerplatonic (again Lorenz/Lysithea and honestly Leonie/Ignatz). Romance is a pretty easy metric to view queer storytelling through, but I don't think I'd see Sylvain as any less of a queer character if he didn't have his paired ending with Felix because of how his story is written. In a similar way, I think characters like Ignatz (wanted to be a painter, but it's not what his family wants for him; yearns to be creative and is self conscious about people thinking it'll interfere in his duties and has to learn to accept himself and his true dreams) and Marianne (sees herself as a monster that other people won't accept if they knew the true her and what she's hiding) are also queer without needing to be in romances, which is why the fandom gets a lot out of them subtextually.

Acceptance, I think, can be viewed as a very queer theme, and I think it's a prominent one within the Deer.

#twila talks #the golden deer #fe3h #verdant wind #claude von riegan #hilda valentine goneril #lorenz hellman gloucester #marianne von edmund #ignatz victor #raphael kirsten #leonie pinelli #lysithea von ordelia #claurenz #marihilda #thank you again for the ask anon I really enjoy discussing this with you!!#I don't think we necessarily disagree so much as have different interpretations of the text and i've enjoyed hearing yours and sharing mine #we needed more wlw stuff in the golden deer supports!!! in the game!!!#everyone should be bisexual in fire emblem it's a dating sim first and sexy chess second skdfhskjdfh

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sage-nebula · 11 months

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Something I've noticed the gender binary rearing its ugly head in, paradoxical as it may seem, is nonbinary/trans headcanons.

What I mean is — more often than not, I've noticed (usually cis) people assigning nonbinary or trans headcanons to characters who don't conform to their assigned gender. Canonically female characters with short hair or stereotypically "masculine" interests (e.g. engineering, video games, sports) are often seen as nonbinary and definitely they/them. Similarly, canonically male characters with stereotypically "feminine" personality traits (e.g. sweet, sensitive, caring) are seen as definitely transfem.

Now before anyone gets mad: There is NOTHING WRONG with nonbinary or trans headcanons. They are harmless, they are fun, I like them too, you do you. The only reason I bring this up is because the prevalence of these patterns really speaks to the gender binary conditioning in our society.

Because while I won't say it never happens, I rarely see ultra feminine AFAB characters headcanoned as nonbinary with they/them pronouns. For example, The Owl House fandom loves to say Luz is nonbinary, but I can't remember seeing Amity or Willow referred to as they/them.

Similarly, I rarely see ultra masculune AMAB characters referred to as nonbinary or transfem. Masculine AMAB jocks are rarely referred to as they/them or she/her in fandom; it's always the sweet and nurturing ones.

And I think that, for western fandom at least, this is subconscious and goes back to how gendered our society is. We have been conditioned to see certain personality traits, fashions, and interests as gendered. So when a character doesn't conform to those gendered expectations, we think, ah, it MUST be because they are not actually their assigned gender! And in this way, we continue to uphold the gender binary shackles that we've grown into since birth.

I think part of the reason this stands out to me is that I am AFAB, and I also consider myself to be cis, but also very gender nonconforming. I keep my hair very short, I dress androgynously if not outright masc, I have stereotypical "masculine" personality traits, etc. I am GNC to my core and always have been (legit my clothes came from the "boy" section even as a kid). But I am still a cis woman. I still use she/her. But if I was a fictional character, I think fandoms would decide I used they/them because I am not at all femme.

Of course, there are nonbinary people who also buck conformity to their AGAB, there are transwomen who are sweet and sensitive etc. Nonbinary and and trans people who see themselves in GNC characters are totally valid. But when I see cis people in fandom who think a masc presenting female character can't be cis, or a sensitive male character can't be either . . . well. I do think that's subconscious gender binary bias at work.

#turning off rbs bc this is me thinking out loud not starting a discourse #also yes I happen to be GNC while also being a lesbian #so i will agree there is an element of queerness to being GNC — BUT #i also think it's seen as queer bc ppl are so conditioned by the binary #& i have always thought it silly that certain clothes or colors or interests are so gendered #i'm not GNC on *purpose* it's just who i am and what i like #i don't know where i'm going w/ this. it's just smth i've been thinking abt #but anyway i hate the gender binary & gender stereotypes & i think they should burn ty & gn

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kiidwritings · 6 months

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so cringe, but i love u <3

chapter 1: gillette razor

wc; 3385. tags/warnings; maybe ooc .T4T RAAAGGHHHH!! Trans horangi. Trans könig. 5+1 Things. sorry if könig is ooc. also horangi might be ooc. I TRYING. idk i based his AUDHD on mine so :P. same with könig's social anxiety. author is nd. Author is trans. she/he/they könig. transfem könig. im trying my best ;-;. not beta read. (some) events based/inspired on stuff in author's real life. possible grammatical errors. mentions of sex. body/gender dysmorphia. mentions of needles (T-shot). vomiting. PISS (not in a sexual way 😭). grossness/unsanitariness. konig is a bit of a slob (lmk if I missed anything!)

a/n: i posted this on ao3 back in mid-october, but been too busy/forgot to post it here...oops ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. i was deadass thinking about leaving this (I've been in a creativity flunk, I hate my art and my writing), but then I remembered I made this /for/ someone basically, and I'm no quiter!!!!! 💪🏽 I'm the youngest of 5 siblings and lived in a full house, so most these icks are based on things they've done/do. i project heavily onto the characters so they might be OOC. also, horangi is used for on-base settings and hong-jin is used when he's just a civilian/off-base.

pairing: kim "horangi" hong-jin/könig

READ ON AO3!!

Moving in with a partner is always awkward.

You have to accommodate their living style, how they run things, a new environment, and just living with another person in general (which differs greatly from living with siblings- take it from Hong-Jin who grew up with four sisters).

During their first time on leave together, they instantly noticed things about each other that were never brought to light while on base.

Konig was an early riser (not by choice, just by force of habit), while Hong-Jin liked to sleep in, especially without the sound of an alarm clock waking him at the asscrack of dawn.

(It had actually taken some time before they shared a bed. The first time Hong-Jin even suggested it, Konig exhaled and swallowed an entire chunk of bread whole, before proceeding to cough up the mushy bits as Hong-Jin patted his back too hard.)

At first, Konig found it cute as Horangi tried to pull them back to bed, mumbling and pushing his face further into the pillows. And if she did need to wake Hong-Jin up, he’d wake up grumpy, sitting in bed with a sleepy scowl for about 10 minutes (with some additional complaints or an ogle at Konig as he got dressed) before slipping out of the comfort of bed and also getting ready.

The two had gotten comfortable enough to share the bathroom, mainly while brushing their teeth or enjoying a nice shower together with or without any funny business is up to you to decide .

Two toothbrushes, one that looked hardly used besides leftover moisture and one with bristles so flattened it was a surprise the owner still had enamel on their teeth, leaned against each other in a little decorative cup Konig picked up from the thrift store. It was old, its design- different varieties of cats in beachwear- having worn off and the plastic was graying a bit.

The bathroom air was moist and hot as Hong-Jin entered, Konig not bothering to lock the door knowing he’d come in whenever he finished grumbling over not being able to sleep through the morning. The shower ran hot as steam wafted past the thin shower curtains and Konig hummed a tune. A mix of incoherent words and hushed melodies resonated from her chest and throat. Hong-Jin smirked and with help from the see-through curtains, poked Konig in the tummy through the PVC.

Konig gasped, and pulled the curtain to the side, only allowing his head and shoulders to peek through. Hong-Jin grinned and relished at the sight of Konig’s slick and freckled skin. There was a tint of pinkness to it from the hot water cascading out of the shower head. Their hair was sticking to their forehead, the curls now slicked with water and shiny.

“Good morning.” Hong-Jin purred. He thought about joining Konig, but he didn’t smell and wasn’t really in the mood for shower sex.

“Ah! What was that for?” Konig let out a huff of amusement and shot her partner back a cheeky smirk.

Hong-Jin just shrugged and leaned back against the bathroom sink. “Just felt like it.”

“Want to join me?” Konig asked, using his hand to wipe some excess water from his face, huffing like a seal clearing its nose.

Hong-Jin just shrugged again, turning around to face the fogged-up mirror. “Neh,” He absently drew a smiley face in the mirror's condensation coating.

‘Not in the mood for sex.’ he thought.

He shouldn’t say that, that’s forward. Plus, Konig might find that weird…yeah, don’t say that. Think of something else-.

“Not in the mood for sex.”

“ What?! ” Konig gaped.

“What?” Hong-Jin turned around and awkwardly stared at Konig’s shocked face.

“Are you in the mood for sex?”

“What, no I just said I wasn’t.” Konig blinked and his eyebrows furrowed with confusion.

“So why’d you mention it? Does me showering turn you on?”

Hong-Jin blinked hard, doing a double take. And I thought I was forward, geez! “No! I mean, yes!...No, sometimes?”

What the fuck was this conversation even???

“Are you turned on right now?” Konig asked, probably just trying to fill the awkward silence and also trying to understand the reason behind Hong-Jin’s initial response.

“No! I’m not turned on, I’m normal, I’m…I need to pee!”

And with that, Hong-Jin pulled the curtain back to hide himself from Konig and practically slammed the toilet lid open, signaling to Konig to not peek past the curtains and also to drop the conversation.

Once he was sure she was back to bathing herself, he did his business. Making sure not to flush (to save Konig from getting burned alive from the already hot water getting hotter), Hong-Jin washed his hands and began brushing his teeth. “Do you need help with your T-shot today?” Konig asked, now that the awkwardness had disappeared from the previous conversation. Hong-Jin spits in the sink, cupping his hands and gurgling the water. The water was colder than usual, probably from the mintiness of the toothpaste residue, and chilled the teeth were cracked and sensitive. “Yeah, that’d be nice,” Hong-Jin said, wiping the excess foam that dribbled out his mouth and began splashing water in his face.

Konig liked helping with Hong-Jin’s T-shot. He could do it by himself, but sometimes he wouldn’t stab hard enough, or seeing the needle go in made his chest tighten. But the domestic sight of Konig’s big hand engulfing one of his thighs and having her other hand slowly sticking the needle into the fat made Hong-Jin want Konig by his bedside, at his beck and call if he batted his eyelashes innocently enough.

(Sometimes Konig thought about starting up on estrogen. They wouldn’t mind if they were born a girl. The thought of wearing a bra made him feel dirty like she was some pervert who was faking her identity. Word would go around that KorTac’s titan colonel was a tranny who thought he was a girl and wore a bra. The thought of rumors and the loss of her reputation all because she wanted to express herself made her stomach churn and a sense of dread ran down his spine.

But why should he care?!...well, he did care a lot .

Years of being made fun of and looked down upon (not literally of course) would all be down the drain. His secret was safe with Hong-Jin, his partner, and Horangi, his teammate.)

“And what do you say…?” Konig teased, a grin present in the tone of her voice. Through the curtain, Konig was washing off his body, splashing water on his face and running his fingers through his hair.

Hong-Jin just scowled, rolling his eyes and flushing the toilet, letting the scolding water pour down onto his cocky girlfriend. “Ah ah! Heiß! So verdammt heiß!” (Hot! So fucking hot!) Konig yelped and rushed to turn off the water as their mischievous tiger of a boyfriend left the bathroom, chuckling quite proudly to himself.

The rest of the morning was casual. The two went about their typical routine, it was nothing special; making breakfast, and doing minimal chores. Hong-Jin liked to go on a run before the sun was really shining, and Konig had some laundry to fold that he’d been putting off (his mama ain’t raise him to be a slob, so having to walk past that pile every day made guilt tickle his stomach).

Hong-Jin had returned to the small apartment covered in a light sheen of sweat, adrenaline still running through his body. Walking into the bedroom, he fell back onto the bed, just nearly missing the neat stack of folded laundry with his leg.

Konig huffed, “Be careful, I’m being helpful here.” Hong-Jin just responded with a huff of his own from deep within his chest and swung a leg over to land on Konig’s lap, which as a result, knocked off some clothes from the folded pile.

“Hey! Vorsichtig! ” Konig pouted and gave a smack to Hong-Jin’s calf. He could only smile and snuggle into the pillow.

“Tired…” Was all Hong-Jin replied with, turning onto his side, being mindful of his leg now and inhaling the musk and scent on Konig’s pillow. It smelt of pine-scented body wash and 3-in-1.

Konig exhaled once more, re-folding the messed up clothes but allowing Hong-Jin to keep his leg on her lap.

“We need food,” Hong-Jin mumbled, eyes still closed.

Konig just hummed, “ Ja… ”

Hong-Jin let his hand find its way to Konig’s thigh, squeezing a bit, “Come with me?” Hong-Jin tilted his head to peek up at his girlfriend. Konig just continued folding clothes, glancing over to meet their boyfriend’s gaze.

“Perhaps-”

“Great, let me go shower.” Hong-Jin shot up, once again knocking over some clothes (Konig scoffed and looked at Horagni with great offense).

He gathered some new clothes, threw his sweaty workout clothes in the battered hamper, and walked into the bathroom.

The shower knobs were adjusted to just the right water temperature. Absent-mindedly placing his hand on the sink while looking at himself in the mirror, he left something under his hand.

A small puddle of water. Nothing too bad. But in the water were tiny hairs, red hairs to be exact. Some were curly and some were just straight. Hong-Jin felt his skin crawl and immediately wiped his hands on a hand towel hanging nearby. He felt sick.

Was Konig always this gross? How can someone just leave behind such a mess and not think to clean it up? Did he just touch his shaven pubic hairs???

Hong-Jin shuddered, washing his hands once… then twice, and took a deep breath, analyzing the scene.

With a bit of an attitude, he walked out of the bathroom to Konig. She was putting away the clothes, reorganizing the ones that wouldn’t fit in their dresser drawers. Everything was folded military-style, neat and compact.

“Konig,” Hong-Jin gritted his teeth. Konig looked back and blinked, “ Ja ? Why the long face, tiger?” Hong-Jin just huffed and threw a thumb over his shoulder to the ajar bathroom door.

“You left your fucking pubes on the bathroom sink.” His voice was sharp and annoyed. Konig blinked before flushing.

“Oh.”

“Yeah ‘oh’ . Go clean it up…” he took a big inhale and then exhaled. “Please?”

Konig paused, looking to the floor, embarrassed, before glancing at Hong-Jin, and then making their way to the bathroom.

The sink was cleaned in no time and an apology kiss was planted atop Hong-Jin’s head, right on the side part of his hair. “I’m sorry,” Konig mumbled, lips still against his head, inhaling the scent of the hair oil Hong-Jin used.

Hong-Jin just gave a smile, it didn’t reach his eyes but if it weren’t for the arm sliding around her waist, Konig would’ve assumed he was still upset with her.

“It’s fine, just gross.” Hong-Jin’s cheeks tinted in response to the kiss and he squeezed Konig’s love handle, causing the latter to stiffen.

And like promised, the sink was free of any hairs.

It seemed like that problem was resolved, Konig made sure to clean up after himself on the days when he did shave so everyone was happy…

Until it wasn’t.

The issue arose (again) one early morning when the sun was still asleep. It had been an evening of takeout, kissing, watching movies, kissing, a little drinking, making out, and like the old farts they are, snuggling in bed (with some more kissing and a messy handjob) before falling asleep to the sound of each other’s hearts beating.

It was about 2 AM, and the outside world was quiet. Hong-Jin’s eyes fluttered open, cold hardening the corners and causing him to wince. Konig laid on his back, hairy chest and chunky stomach on display and snoring, not to the point of keeping Hong-Jin up, but putting him at ease when the night was too quiet.

(Hong-Jin loved how Konig ran hot, all that muscle and fat did wonders to circulate heat that was then shared with Hong-Jin, their loving boyfriend. The more fat on Konig’s body, the more there was for Hong-Jin to love. And Konig loved Hong-Jin's slim figure, his muscle and small tummy fit perfectly in his arms- two puzzle pieces that loved the skin-to-skin feeling.)

With cat-like stealth, Hong-Jin slipped from Konig’s big strong arms and ventured to the bathroom. The fluorescent overhead lights stung his eyes and he squinted his way to the toilet.

He went about doing his business, trying his best to keep his mind calm, usage of his sleepy brain would cause it to wake up and then he’d stay up on his phone until either Konig slid it under his pillow or he passed out from the blue light.

Before flushing, Hong-Jin could make out something in the toilet bowl (besides his piss). Did he get his period suddenly? No, it just ended last weekend.

Finally taking a second to rub his eyes and concentrate, he released it was pubes.

Instead of leaving them on the sink, Konig had used the toilet to shave. Fine in itself, Horangi did the same thing. But leaving them in the toilet and not flushing wasn’t . She must’ve shaved after Horangi had been settled into bed that night.

Letting his curiosity get the best of him, Hong-Jin tore off a small bit of toilet paper and lifted the toilet lid, only to cringe and shoot his hand back, seeing as stray pieces of pubic hair littered the bare toilet bowl rim.

Hong-Jin shivered, he left dirty just looking at it. He quickly flushed the toilet along with the torn toilet paper and washed his hands and just above his wrists. He ended up being too angry to sleep before passing out two hours later, refusing to snuggle back up with Konig.

Even once they were back on base, Horangi seemed to notice this “ick” of Konig’s. It wasn’t like he made an effort to look out for every stray hair of Konig’s, but with that gross memory in the front of his mind, he couldn’t help it.

He had just happened to be walking to the locker room when Konig turned the corner, shoulders brushing.

“Oh, hallo Horangi.” Konig seemed rather chipper this morning, maybe because Horangi had come back from a mission four days ago and she was happy to see him.

“Konig,” Horangi nodded his head. He was dressed in a plain green shirt and some cargo pants. The humidity of the base hallways made the fabric of his clothes and mask feel like they were sticking to his skin from all the sweat he’d built up while working out. It was a good thing he’d kept his sunglasses in his gym bag, the moisture would've sure collected underneath the frames.

“I heard about the mission you were on, good job meine Kätzchen. ” (my kitten) Konig’s eyes upturned through the eye holes of his mask, and they reached out to place a gentle hand on Horangi’s shoulder. Horangi scoffed, shrugging their hand off playfully, and scowled under his mask.

“You know I hate that pet name.” Horangi narrowed his eyes at his taller lover but there was no real malice in his voice, in fact, he even blushed a bit under his mask, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up with flusteredness.

Konig just chuckled, before leaning down a bit, the fabric of his hood just barely touching Horangi’s cheek. “If the circumstances were different, I’m sure that pet name would be getting a much-needed rise out of you.~”

There was a fluttery feeling in Horangi’s chest and he felt his skin heat up more and he licked his lips a bit.

With a quick glance at the open end of the hall, Horangi shifted their masks out of the way, letting himself venture underneath Konig’s and share a passionate kiss. With the built-up tension in the air, it quickly dissolved into a quick makeout session. The only thing to break them apart was the sound of a shower stall door slamming shut.

Konig was the one to pull back, a string of saliva quickly being lapped up by her and she grinned. The two were panting and Horangi was surely sweating more from the heat underneath Konig’s mask and building up below.

Goosebumps prickled Horangi’s skin and suddenly the air of the hallway wasn't as dry anymore, the layer of sweat cooling him down.

“I’m guessing meine kleines kätzchen will be ‘stopping by’ this evening?” Konig whispered, his soul patch rubbing against Horangi’s cheek as his lips brushed against his earlobe. His body was now boxing in Horangi’s, their most vulnerable parts brushing against each other’s. Horangi bit his lip, slipping his mask back up.

“Yes sir.”~ He purred. Then they parted their separate ways, both riled up and ready to jump each other’s bones the next time they saw each other.

Later that night, long after Konig had finished his reports (that he’d procrastinated long enough getting done) and everyone had started settling down before lights out, Horangi had Konig straddle to the bed, moving his hips in an exotic and hypnotic way. Their masks and most of their clothes were tossed aside, leaving them both bare and vulnerable to each other’s wandering hands and teeth.

Horangi hadn't expected to be so pent up from just a bit of teasing that afternoon, but god , if his giant girlfriend didn’t destroy his insides by the end of the night, he’d lose his fucking mind.

He leaned down, pressing a sloppy kiss on his bite mark placed perfectly on their pulse point. Konig was panting, body flushed and reacting in malicious ways to Horangi’s teasing.

“Where are your condoms at, big boy?” Horangi whispered, sucking another kiss onto their chest.

Konig sucked in a shaky breath and stammered to speak, “ I-im bad…badezimmer- oh gott… (In the bathroom- oh god)” Horangi tsked and rolled his hips into Konig causing her to whine.

“English, 여보… ~ (Yeobo/Darling)”

With another whine and a flutter of her lashes, Konig was able to composure herself somewhat to divert from her mother tongue, “Bathroom…m-medicine cabinet.”

Reluctantly, Horangi peeled himself from Konig (who was practically about to burst), and upon flicking on the bathroom light, felt like ice water had been poured on him and the wetness down below was instantly dried.

The bathroom was as tidy as a man could have it, nothing out of the ordinary except for the sink which was COMPLETELY covered in shaven hairs. On the edge, next to his flattened toothbrush, was a simple black razor, the blades surprisingly clean with a few stray hairs caught between, like lettuce stuck between teeth.

…well not completely, but it looked like the sink hadn’t been shown a sliver of care, not a single good scrubbing (or…some form of cleaning).

Horangi’s jaw dropped as he stood in the doorway of the small bathroom.

He felt sick, he wanted to spit up to get rid of this gross feeling all over his body- he felt contaminated.

Sure this wasn’t Horangi's living space, (he was actually jealous Konig got his own private bathroom because of his ranking), but oh god the sight was gut-wrenching. Did they not see nothing wrong with just leaving their hair all over the sink, the place where they left their toothbrush that went in their mouth and that mouth and tongue swapped spit with him-

Konig shot up upon hearing Horangi retch, throwing himself to the toilet and regurgitating a mush of greasy mess hall food into the porcelain bowl.

“Hong-Jin, are you ok?!” Kneeling down next to Horangi, he used one hand to swoop his hair out of his face and the other to softly rub circles on his back. Horangi groaned, spitting some extra bile into the toilet water-vomit mixture.

With a shaky voice and trembling body, Horangi turned his head to Konig and gritted his teeth. “Your sink is disgusting …!”

Konig blinked, face contorted into a confused and worried look. “Huh?”

“Your SINK-” Horangi’s stomach roared and another wave of nausea rolled over him. “It’s covered in HAIR.”

Konig just shushed his little tiger as Horangi's back arched like a cat throwing up a hairball.

So much for the sex…Konig had a raging hard-on he desperately needed to be taken care of…

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Have a good day/night! :3c - alienkiid

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