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felicitywilds · 8 months

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been seein a few popular posts about what could Happen in season 3 that i think are kind of missing the mark a bit when it comes to crowley and aziraphale’s characters and both of their approaches to their relationship? so heres my take

aziraphale is a fighter: all throughout the book and season 1, he’s done his best to fight for what he thinks is right. the fatal flaw in this position is that he only ever does it within the confines of his faith and position as an angel: protesting punishing job until God’s Orders are cited; excusing his eating habits to gabriel by saying it helps him ‘blend in’ on earth; even after an entire day of listing things he wouldn’t be able to enjoy on earth anymore, crowley was only able to convince aziraphale to help him raise the antichrist by framing it as ‘thwarting wiles’ (ie. doing his job). aziraphale has always had a lot of conflict with how his and heaven’s ideals align-- this is why aziraphale went to heaven, so he could make the rules he’s so hesitant to break work for him instead of against him.

crowley on the other hand, is a flier: at the slightest sign of trouble he can’t fix, he flees. no, he does not want to dismantle the systems of heaven and hell, he wants to run away forever and never think about them again! he’s canonically tried to do this at least four times! but the fatal flaw in this position is that it means he sees everything he’s built and collected in 6000 years as disposable, which is not unlike how heaven and hell also think about the earth. he’s built a fragile, peaceful existence for himself, but is willing to run away and dump it all the second its peace and fragility is threatened by something he can’t control.

understanding both of these attitudes makes the middle ground where they realize their mistakes and come together again painfully obvious (imo): its earth! literally the ground in the middle between heaven and hell. crowley and aziraphale both already know that the other is worth protecting-- aziraphale wants to go to heaven so being together won’t be against the rules, and crowley wants to run away so heaven and hell can’t destroy them for being together-- so the revelation that needs to be reached in season 3 is that their lives and their history and their home is worth protecting too. beelzebub and gabriel had ‘heaven/hell is wherever you are’, but that kind of attitude (even ‘to the world’/they are each others world) doesn’t work for crowley and aziraphale because they spent 6000 years building something that makes simply being together synonymous with being on earth.

after all, the Really Big One is going to be all of us vs. all of them-- heaven and hell against all of humanity. when crowley and aziraphale have this exchange in the book and season 1, i fully believe that both them assume that when they say “us”, it means heaven and hell-- even after everything that happened, they’re still aligning themselves against the earth and the history they have there. which is why, after all their wonderful and inevitable character development in season 3, they’re going to realize that “us” actually means humanity.

#good omens #good omens season 2 #good omens spoilers #good omens meta #good omens analysis #gomens #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #aziraphale #anthony j crowley #by me #this was made about Two Posts i saw that annoy me to no end #the first has like. Thousands of notes #and FUNDAMENTALLY MISUNDERSTANDS CROWLEYS CHARACTER #HES A COWARD NOT AN ANARCHIST #he wants to run away at the bandstand #and then later in the book shop before az calls heaven #and then again when gabriel shows up #and AGAIN at the end of s2 #not ONCE has his response to heaven been 'fight back and take it down'#and the SECOND post is about az needing to choose between saving earth and saving crowley #which is a fundamental misunderstanding that crowley and earth are on different sides #its NEVER going to be crowley vs earth #crowley IS earth #its always always always going to be crowley and earth vs HEAVEN #their love is the most powerful thing in the universe so it will be easy actually for the two of them to beat both heaven and hell #ok thats all my thoughts i think #so can we stop blaming aziraphale for him being the only one with a flawed way of thinking #thanks :)#ok actually thinking about it more: both of their stances are sooooo reactionary to what heaven or hell could do to them

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nofomogirl · 9 months

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Ineffable Beaurocracy vs. Ineffable Husbands

Major S2 spoilers ahead

Season 2 ended with two things very few had expected:

Gabriel and Beelzebub are now a happy couple.

Aziraphale and Crowley aren't (neither happy nor a couple).

As we're all processing, it's inevitable that comparisons sprout left and right, and more and more often I hear voices pointing out how ridiculously quick and easy the romance between Gabriel and Beelzebub was, as well as questions why exactly Aziraphale and Crowley couldn't be the same. Especially Aziraphale, since the fandom likes to blame him in particular for not being in a happy established relationship with Crowley.

I understand the bitterness and frustration but do people honestly think that Gabriel had the same obstacles to overcome, the same sacrifices to make, the same risks to take?

I like Gabriel as a character and I'm happy he found love but please, let's not forget what kind of a person he is - selfish, self-important, entitled, privileged and inconsiderate. Falling in love doesn't remove these traits. It doesn't magically reform him. It might have been a start, a first step on a road to becoming a decent person but that growth will probably never happen if he just ran and locked himself in a happy bubble with Beelzebub.

Yes, he's happy now. Yes, he's out of the picture and not a threat anymore. Doesn't mean he's a nice guy all of a sudden.

Gabriel could choose Beelzebub because he never questions his actions. He believes that whatever he does is inherently right. It doesn't even matter if not long ago he condemned someone for doing the same thing.

Gabriel could choose Beelzebub because he never cared about the consequences of his actions. He never stopped to think about what kind of pain and misery he will cause others. We were shown it plenty of times.

Gabriel could choose Beelzebub not because he was ready to sacrifice so much for them but exactly because he's incapable of making sacrifices. Whatever makes him happy is his priority because he cannot see how anything could be possibly more important. He's an angel, therefore he is inherently good, therefore good things make him happy, therefore whatever makes him happy is inherently good, and the happier he is, the better it must be.

Gabriel could choose Beelzebub because he doesn't care about Earth, about Creation, about God's Plan, and about Heaven. You might try to argue that he did, especially the latter ones. But I think there's a reason why his persona was modeled after an obnoxious CEO rather than a fundamentalist of any kind. Because he is not a believer, he is a guy who was put in charge and has only the shallowest possible knowledge of what his company actually does, the barest of the bare minimums, and never actually tried its products himself. Gabriel had been always just going through the motions, putting in minimal effort, and covering it with a smile and pep. In a way, it's actually sad because he never knew anything else. He was put in a job and told to do it, so he kept doing it until he found something he actually cared about.

Gabriel could choose Beelzebub for the very same reasons he was ready to start Armageddon, and Aziraphale didn't choose Crowley for the very same reasons he stood against Heaven to save the Earth and humanity.

Aziraphale couldn't choose Crowley the same way Gabriel chose Beelzebub, because Azirapahle is the exact opposite of Gabriel.

So before you write that Crowley deserves someone who would love him like Gabriel, ask yourself seriously if you think Crowley could love a person like Gabriel. Because we know he doesn't. He hates Gabriel and loves Aziraphale and there's a good reason why.

#good omens 2 #good omens spoilers #can we be kinder to aziraphale please #ineffable husbands #ineffable bureaucracy

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lamenii · 9 months

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Why I dislike the "Coffee Theory".

GOOD OMENS SEASON 2 SPOILERS AHEAD

Very wordy one for my first post but here goes:

I don't like the coffee theory.

For those of you not aware what this theory is, it's the idea that Metatron 'miracled' Aziraphale's coffee before he drank it to persuade him to come back to Heaven and leave Crowley behind. It has almost been used as a 'comfort theory' of sorts since season 2 came out, and whilst many people are clinging onto it as a lifeline, I've come to really dislike this theory for one key reason: it erases almost everything we have come to know about Aziraphale's character.

Aziraphale is a firm believer in the 'good vs evil' narrative of Heaven. He thinks that Heaven seeks out to do good, and so by taking on a role within the upper leagues, he genuinely believes he can make a difference. As much as I hate to say it, when given the choice between Crowley and Heaven, it is incredibly in character for Aziraphale to choose Heaven since he thinks with his influence he can save the world he had come to love with Crowley.

There are also a lot of parallels with Nina's toxic relationship with Lindsay and Azira's relationship with Heaven throughout season 2. Aziraphale can't see that Heaven is bad in the same way that Crowley does with Hell, which I think is a key reason why Crowley cannot understand him choosing to go back. Hell was very physical in its mistreatment of Crowley, which allowed him to know for sure that it was bad. Heaven, however, was a lot more emotionally and mentally manipulative, so it makes sense that Aziraphale, despite having been without them for so long, takes the opportunity to go back - he doesn't see that Heaven merely sees him as a pawn in their game against Hell.

If the 'Coffee Theory' were true, this would render everything we know about Aziraphale's character false. The amount of people I saw online saying that "Aziraphale would never leave Crowley!" or "This is so OOC for him!", who were failing to recognise that it is, in fact, very in character for Aziraphale to do this. He loved the Earth with Crowley - he had the opportunity to take a position that, in his mind, would allow him to save the world he knew Crowley held as dear as he did. He never wanted to leave Crowley - he very much wanted him to come with him - but he couldn't see past his desire to try and do good, and if he could, he wouldn't be the character we love.

#good omens #good omens 2 spoilers #good omens season 2 #aziraphale #crowley #coffee theory #aziracrow #ineffable husbands

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bijoumikhawal · 9 months

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I was whining and bitching to my friends recently about book vs TV aziraphale and how the latter doesn't have the same bite- book Aziraphale is a bitch and that's why I like him- and bringing up that I think Aziraphale and Garak are similar characters (and that I have a similar problem with how McCormack writes Garak) is making me. Think about Aziraphale and violence again and the weird specific read I have of his character

I had these thoughts the first go around with Good Omens but I wasn't very good at dealing with them, but Aziraphale is really interesting because there's a good deal of like. Implied violence to his character. We joke sometimes about how down he was with child murder as a backup plan, but it's not just that.

Aziraphale was the Guardian of the Eastern Gate, which naturally has a lot of fanon about him having originally been a Cherub demoted to Principality. Cherubim are like... g-d there's so much about them. They draw the chariot of G-d, they carry G-d into battle, they are protectors- the same type of creature as lamassu (anthropologically speaking), they are divine monsters (and I say this as a religious bitch with love, they're incomprehensible and have distinctly inhuman, awe-some manifestations, but let's not get too carried away with my esoteric bullshit). To be blunt, they are associated with fighting.

The act which is thought to demote Aziraphale is giving away his sword. This creates War at the same time as Crowley... not creates Death, I suppose, but draws its attention. Aziraphale is, on a metaphysical level, the father of War.

Both Heaven and Hell are violent systems, though the book partially obscures the violence of Heaven by having it be literally quieter, in the narrative. Aziraphale is still part of a violent system and still serves it. Giving away his sword did not abdicate him from having to serve. He had certainly carried out violence in Heaven's name before. Aziraphale also has more faith in his 'side' than Crowley- he thinks if only he can explain to a superior, get them on the line and talk, they'll see destroying Earth is a bad idea! And if you do subscribe to the cherubim interpretation, part of this is probably because he views a level of relation between him and them as someone formerly high ranked.

Given that its also really notable that in the book, Aziraphale is incredibly indirect about violence. When they're at their last resort option with Adam, he directs Shadwell to take care of it. It's strongly implied he might've killed several mafia members for trying to bully him into selling his shop, but never actually stated. Things like that. Aziraphale is not comfortable getting his hands dirty- maybe he did it in the past, and can't bear it now, maybe he never was comfortable with it. Who knows.

And that makes me think it's also really notable that when Aziraphale makes his last stand, he picks up his sword again. I don't know what it is that's notable, but...

Anyway TL;DR book Aziraphale has strong veteran/ex military vibes for me

#cipher talk #book omens #And you could read themes of assimilation into violent systems into his character especially if you do like. POCOmens stuff #Actually you can do that anyway just with the veteran reading #Belief in the system of power and that you'll be treated well even while you're basically actively fucking ignored

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aro-attorneys · 8 months

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God. Second attempt at writing a sort of coherent Good Omens Season 2 rant/review/thoughts. Whatever you want to call it.

First, things I really enjoyed:

Pre-fall Crowley scene. Though this was not liked as much by some other critical Book fans. I understand from canon-conflicting perspective, but TV and Book Omens are separate in my head (sorry Neil Gaiman I can't buy the Same Canon thing)

The flashbacks scene (especially the one with Job and the Resurrectionist, the zombie one was kinda bad though)

Aziraphale getting to use the Bentley

Ok that's all that stood out to me of what I really liked. Time to complain!

God I'll just...start with The Kiss. I saw spoilers for it before I got a chance to watch it and immediately felt disappointment. I do like the Ineffable Husband ship, but I liked it as this...vague thing they kinda had going on in the back. They absolutely did not need an angsty one-sided confession scene with a forced kiss. Everything about it felt so inorganic too. I was trying to be open to the possible (different/romantic) chemistry they might have in s2, but it never happened. Instead there was Nina and telling Crowley he's in love with Aziraphale. Even though nothing really indicated that? To the public they could just be friends?

They did make more "gay jokes" (like they did once in season 1, which I did not like, it was very amatonormative which goes against the vibes those two have). Did not like those. Felt forced.

I have made posts before about the lack of aro and qpr representation in media and Yes that does play into why I did not like this ending of the season. It felt like this possible representation was forcibly taken away from me. I get to be sad about that. It's technically a separate argument but I'm throwing it here anyway.

Aside from That, the vibes of season 2 was...not really Good Omens? I really love the season 1 adaptation on so many levels. It is not perfect and there is valid criticism to be given, but overall it catches the absurdist comedy and relevance of everyone at play Very Well. Both the book and the show have this "ah it's all coming together" thing that's executed so well. I agree Crowley and Aziraphale got more of a main character role in the Show vs. The Book (where the humans and nonhumans are equally important/get similar screentime). And they amplified this in season 2. This post-book "canon" seems to focus a lot on Crowley and Aziraphale, which feels Wrong. They don't work on their own like they did in the Book/s1. It was their interaction with Earth and its Humans that made them shine in the end. Giving them their own problems to deal with was incredibly uninteresting. This is probably why the flashbacks stood out to me more. ...Yeah, I think it boils down to them not being as interesting on their own.

(of course when fans draw Book Omens Ineffable Husbands it's a different thing altogether, but art or comics usually don't have TV-style drama)

I feel I should say something about Gabriel and Beelzebub? It caught me by surprise that I just laughed when I saw it unfold. It was just very weird idk. I will miss Beelzebub though, I loved their trash gender vibes (then again, the new actor did not sell the vibes as well as the previous actor).

This season made me dive a little into the Book Omens fandom again and made me realise how much I missed the Book. I read it back in 2017 and a lot of fine details are lost on me. I want to read it again for sure. I see a lot of mixed reactions from Book fans on this season. Oftentimes criticism of different kinds, sometimes someone who did kind of like the season.

Overall I hate it when a screen adaptation takes a fandom over. I have to see incredibly bad takes on the Ineffable Husbands every day since the show came out.

In short: it was mostly not as interesting/memorable and I am pissed off about the kiss scene that I have to see everywhere.

#good omens critical #good omens #good omens season 2 #book omens #hey the negative stuff is under a read more #unless you're open to criticism of your beloved gay angel demon show you shouldn't open the post okay?#this isn't important enough to ruin someone's day bc they like the show #but do know that i find the tv omens fandom (the ones who didnt read the book) to be annoying as hell #not the individuals obviously.#anyway is this coherent at all #i tried to just make paragraphs on the main stuff that bothered me #I will push the qpr acearo ineffable husbands agenda

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trashworldblog · 9 months

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so beth good omens huh

YEAH

[s1 spoilers ahead]

its really good and i have alot of emotions that i havent quite worked out yet. but heres some thoughts:

- Very Good

- this healed a part of my former catholic currently religiously traumatized soul. obviously a show like good omens would hurt some sore spots, even unintionally just due to the aesthetics, right? WRONG. i never thought id be able to watch something that has to do with religion and not feel uncomfortable. but somehow, i got through the entire first season without feeling that discomfort. maybe ive grown, maybe its the show. but the way they... did... well, everything felt so disconnected from the catholicism i grew up with.

and the show is obviously catholic (at least to my experience) everything is story book catholicism, and yet... it feels different. maybe its god being a woman of color (i believe?) adam and eve being people of color, the gay angel and demon eye fucking every so often, and the honest depiction of first testimant things being Fucked Up, even for a demon, feels so disconnected from the white washed, hateful, church i grew up with. so it didnt hurt watching it. not for a second. and that made me incredibly happy.

- the use of queen music is killing me and so fucking perfect. first of all, all bangers. obviously. its queen. second, theres something about queen, and its place in the queer community, mirroring nicely with crowley and aziraphale. i cant quite put it to words yet.

- the camera angles in heaven being incredibly uncomfortable and awkward, literally warping the angles to be gigantic monsters. if they used normal camera angles and focus lenses, heaven wouldnt look too off. empty and barren, yes, but otherwise fine. using these low or up close shots makes my neck sweat and physically want to lean away from my tv. so good!!!! immediately shows they are very much not the heros in this story. also heavan and hell wanting war so bad showed that heavan was NOT on humanity's side. they were on heavans side. it made a beautiful common enemy for aziraphale and crowley and the humans to be up against. i hope they explore aziraphale and crowley and humanity vs the afterlives in the future.

- GAY PEOPLE!!!! THEY ARE SO IN LOVE!!!! AND AFRAID!!!! i hope they use this break after saving the world and showing their people theyre invincible to holy water/ demonic fire to get together!!!! they wont but i can dream!!!

- the idea of people always watching and keeping score is so terrifying when you think about it. no wonder theyre terrified. theyre existence is to just do what angels and demons do. and they have to do that forever without break. can you imagine how exhausting that must be?

maybe for a regular demon and angel thats fine, but aziraphale and crowley are a bit more then that. theyre in a slight gray area, and it cant be easy to do ONLY holy or ONLY evil things. add on to that the horrors of being on earth for a long time. you cant get attached to much. people die, things go out of style, animals and plants go extinct, libraries and art burn, things get lost and lost media is heartbreaking.

-the actors are really good. like these mfs are in LOVE LOOK AT THEIR EYES. wow. best "im in love with you but im hiding it" eyes ive ever seen. also i need to watch the finale again to appreciate the body language used to show that theyre in swapped bodies.

- the plot is really good and interesting!! i was afraid of missing crowley and aziraphale when we switched to adam or the witch hunter or the witch but i didnt miss them most of the time! i was super intrested in how adam would turn out without crowley or aziraphale's influence. and the witch stuff was pretty interesting too! some times i got a little lost in it all and got distracted, but tbh thats the adhd experience so.

-theyre so stupid and yearning and blind to eachothers emotions i love it

conclusion: good show! i am reading alot of fanfic about it and i started a side blog to store some good omens stuff on. i enjoy this blog being my personal and watcher blog, and i kinda wanted to have a good omens layout so, sideblog! ill still reblog some good omens things here, but most of it will be over there.

#good omens #thanks for the ask!#finalgirl posting

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abbybubbls · 2 years

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I haven't seen much of it as I thought, but I wanna share my quick thoughts on the Good Omens vs. Our Flag Means Death queer rep before it becomes a huge argument. I won't go super into detail of OFMD because I don't have the memory capacity of all the stuff Ed and Stede and the rest of the cast go through with each other.

OFMD is still great with its rep, but I remember and know Good Omens more, and I'll defend it as much as I want, because I've seen this argument go on and on and on and on.

In terms of queerness, Good Omens has non-binary asexual angels, Crowley's androgynous style of clothing, Pollution going by they/them, and in terms of Aziraphale and Crowley's relationship, it's very clearly a realistically queer slowburn.

(Side note: I know the queer rep is mostly directed to the supernatural characters, and I can definitely understand how people can be upset if they're represented by only otherworldly creatures and not humans, but if all lesbians were represented as powerful magical beings, I'd feel amazing to be represented like that! But I'm not non-binary or asexual, so I can't speak for anybody who feels the opposite. It's totally understandable if some people feel that way and want to be represented as they are: humans.)

I think what people need to learn is that queerbait is different from slowburn. Good Omens is just as gay as Our Flag Means Death is, even if Aziraphale and Crowley never physically show any romantic affection, but it's still clearly there in their faces and actions towards each other.

Crowley blowing the paint away from Aziraphale's coat, Crowley saving Aziraphale from the bastille and from the Nazis, Aziraphale's big revelation when Crowley saves his books after the church blows up...

"You go too fast for me" - Aziraphale saying he's not ready to step up his relationship with Crowley yet

"Come up with something, or I'll never talk to you again" - Aziraphale saying he knows Crowley will miss him when Satan arrives and nobody has a plan, a comeback to all the things Crowley listed down that he knows Aziraphale would miss if Heaven won over Armageddon

"To the world" - Their declaration of love while sharing a toast for avoiding Armageddon

Hell, have you counted how many times Crowley calls Aziraphale "angel", and not just because he knows Aziraphale is an angel?

In the most simplest of terms, Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship is painted as two gay people being belittled by their peers, but they cope through it all together.

We might get an Our Flag Means Death level of confirmation in season two, like a handhold or a hug that goes on for too long. As much as I really really want a kiss, I don't care if we don't get one, but I know 100% that it will spark controversy and dub Good Omens as queerbait again when it's really not, because it ALREADY has queer characters, INCLUDING Aziraphale and Crowley.

Some asexual relationships don't need physical contact, and as much as I want to see that through Crowley and Aziraphale in season two, if it doesn't happen, I'll be fine. A bit upset, but nothing Earth shattering to be too angry over. We don't even know the entire plot of season two, it hasn't aired yet.

I know opinions vary on Neil Gaiman himself confirming that Aziraphale and Crowley share a love story, but I just think it's cool how he flat-out said it. "No matter what Crowley and Aziraphale are, it's a love story."

It makes me happy that he's just going along with it in a genuine way instead of denying it like most creators and their characters having queer subtext. Very neat.

Oh jeez, this went a lot longer than I wanted it to. What time is it?

Queerbaiting: "Ohh, you saw how meaningful their dynamic is and you want them to be a couple? PHSYCHE! They're not gonna be! They're as straight as a ruler! HAHA!"

Slowburn: "Watch as these two wannabe lovers get through their troubles, and hopefully, just maybe, they'll be happy together by the end."

I personally think Good Omens and Our Flag Means Death both make very good queer representation in their own ways, some moments much different than others. And I think different ways of gayness and asexuality representation is very much needed!

#abby chats #queerbaiting vs slowburn #two completely different things #good omens #our flag means death #stede bonnet #edward teach #blackbeard #blackbonnet #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands

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cheeseanonioncrisps · 4 years

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There are people who like Crowley. He finds it annoying, but there are.

The two old ladies a few flats below, for example. All he did was say "good morning" to them a few times on the stairs (he blames Aziraphale for getting him into bad habits) and use them as a dumping ground for disobedient pot plants (it's easier than killing them. He still doesn't know how something that technically doesn't have eyes is capable of looking at him like that) and suddenly he's "that nice Mr Crowley" and they keep trying to ply him with cups of tea and biscuits.

Often he takes them up on the offer, making the excuse that it's basically research by this point. Hell would be unstoppable when it came to tempting the unwary if they could just figure out how little old ladies always manage to get people to have a cup of tea.

Then there are the two men who live down the street who talked to him about his car one time. I mean, he probably should have tried to tempt them into envying it or something, but after spending most of his time with Aziraphale— who Does Not Understand about cars— it was easy to get sucked into a long conversation about old cars and how they don't make them like that any more and how good of a condition he's kept his in.

Now suddenly they're saying "hi" to him every time they pass and often he says it back automatically. Sometimes they'll ask him for his opinion on different models of car— it's a nightmare.

Even when he's on temptations, aside from the people he's actually trying to make like him— at least right up until the last moment, when they suddenly realise that they really don't like him all that much at all— if he's dealing with any sort of business, there are usually at least some people lower down who hate their bosses enough to appreciate this guy who is very obviously trying to make everything go as wrong as possible.

Crowley has been invited to parties. And drinks in the pub. And even, once, a coffee morning for some of the neighbourhood stay-at-home parents, complete with small children running around. And alright, some of these events were actually quite fun (the latter group keep nagging him to come back— it was the first time anybody managed to get the kids to stay quiet for the whole morning), but it's an embarassing thing to admit, even to yourself, and certainly he'd never tell anybody else about it.

By comparison, there are people who really dislike Aziraphale.

Customers mainly. Aziraphale can be fucking scary when it comes to customers. He's this weird, slightly intimidating old man who keeps insisting that you absolutely don't want to buy any of his precious books— and if you argue with him for too long, you'll soon find yourself back out on the street, the shop door bolted shut behind you, and with no memory of how you got there.

There are whole forums on rare book dealers' websites full of people hating on Crazy Old Mr Fell, who clearly has no respect for his collection (after all, if he did, he'd surely get that obvious mould infestation seen to, wouldn't he?) or any idea of the fact that at least half of it belongs in a fucking museum.

The local mob has its own, fairly obvious reasons, for hating Mr Fell— although considering what happened to the last few people they sent to try and 'do business' with him, they've decided that it's probably safer to hate him from a respectful distance.

There's also a subset of people who just find his old-fashioned language and failure to keep up with modern culture or technology very annoying. After all, if you don't know that Aziraphale actually did live through several previous centuries, his habit of calling bicycles "velocipedes" and all music that isn't classical "bebop" sounds utterly ridiculous. People assume that he's putting it on to sound quaint. (And, honestly, a good 40% of the time they're completely right.) Plus his insistence on spouting heavenly propaganda at every opportunity can make him come across as a tad too good to be true at times, which rubs some people up the wrong way.

(It really doesn't help that Aziraphale's ability to sense emotions means that he can tell when people take a dislike to him unfairly, and if he's feeling petty will frequently respond by upping the ante and deliberately coming up with more and more ludicrously old-fashioned phrases, while a certain demon— who has had this technique used against him often enough to recognise it on sight— struggles not to burst out laughing.)

Now, the interesting thing about this is that, since Aziraphale and Crowley live so close together, there are absolutely some places where these two populations (the people that like Crowley vs the people who hate Aziraphale) overlap.

Meaning that there are totally people who see the two of them eating at a local restaurant or driving somewhere together and wonder to themselves what on earth that nice Mr Crowley sees in that awful Mr Fell.

#good omens #good omens headcanons #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #soft crowley #bastard aziraphale

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sidecarghost · 3 years

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Kripke: Family (as a source of trauma)

Sam and Dean’s brotherhood and the dichotomy of loving your brother while also disagreeing with him on almost everything at a fundamental level.

Azazel fostering a group of special children to serve in his holy war, and John raising Sam and Dean as soldiers for his holy war.

Filial piety taken to the extreme where any agency is given up. Meg’s blind faith in Azazel and then Lucifer, and Michael’s blind faith in following through with God’s plan for the end.

John Winchester’s legacy of hate and revenge being passed down to his children, Sam and Dean.

Dean, Cas, and Micheal and the consequences of absentee fathers and their sons hopelessly trying to gain approval from them.

Found family that helps emotionally support each other with team free will Sam, Dean, Bobby, and Cas vs the toxicity of the family you are born to. Similar parallel to fate vs free will.

Gamble: Identity (roles we assume vs our authentic self)

Souls as the fundamental particle that establishes our internal compass, but also capable of being lost or weaponized.

Assuming a role at the cost of being authentic:

Dean and Lisa where Dean tries to be a better father to Ben than John was to him

Cas as God where Cas tries to be a better God than the father he never met

Sam as soulless where Sam tries to be a better hunter than John, Dean, or the Campbells ever had been

And Leviathan becoming better capitalists than humans (authentic chameleons that live their best life by assuming whatever form let’s them be the most effective predator)

Carver: Oppression (being a hero to some makes you a villain to everyone else & the only force strong enough to cure oppression is love or total annihilation of the oppressors)

Abuse of power at all levels: Hell, Heaven, Earth

Monsters are shown to be morally complex and an oppressed population

The MoL is a defunct organization of humans that oppressed monsters.

Sam and Dean as the inheritors of the MoL legacy of oppression. They are never redeemed and carry on killing monsters until the end of the series.

Cain saves his brother Abel from damnation, but the cost doomed millions. His only escape was conquering the mark because of the love of one woman.

Naomi overriding the free will of angels by reprogramming them to keep them kowtowed to her agenda for heaven. Cas is able to conquer Naomi’s reprogramming because of the love of one man.

Metatron ejects the angels of Heaven forcing them to live among the people heaven has oppressed in the name of God. The show frames Metatron as a hero and a villain because good and evil can be subjective.

Rowena as the narcissistic mother that sees Crowley as a failure because of her own failings, and attempts to emotionally manipulate and influence his role as king of hell. Eventually Rowena is redeemed by developing genuine love for her son and team free will.

Styne family as a dynasty of white supremacists trying to make a race of superior humans. Their reign of oppression ends with their annihilation by Dean.

Sam clings to faith and hope in a righteous God even though he has suffered his whole life. Sam’s relationship to faith is never resolved through the end of the series.

Light oppressing the Darkness. God’s only sister was kept entombed by her only brother. Love for each other was the only force strong enough to stop their suffering.

Dabb: Fuck if I know???? (Cw: racism, suicide ideation, rape, incest) Dabb era is the most racist era of a very racist show. Other eras were problematic, but at least they attempted to tell a story based on an interesting theme. I cannot, for the life of me, come up with a theme for Dabb that the season wide plots feed into (calling it plot is a misnomer because there really is none in s12-s15, that shit cannot be consumed serially).

Destiel is shamelessly queerbaited, because Dabb has found that the queer and queer ally portion of fandom responds favorably to these crumbs.

BMoL as oppressive but now also British, and a new bunch of white people are added to the cast, because in the Spn universe Britain is solely populated by white people.

Lucifer keeps appearing to antagonize the protagonists, even though his relevance as a legitimate antagonist ended 7+ seasons ago.

Lucifer rapes a woman by posing as her lover. This results in the birth of the Messiah and death of the woman. No one ever seeks justice for Kelly, instead they endlessly obsess over her fetus.

The actor cast as Jack, the Messiah, is yet another white person in a cast full of white people.

Alternate universes are found that are like the main universe but way more boring.

Crowley is killed because Dabb is out of ideas for the character.

Sam and Dean are only interested in finding a way back to the apocalypse universe because their mom got stuck there. They express no desire to find a way back to help the universe where humans are being exterminated. They have completely given up on altruism and are living it up as privileged white people in their bunker mansion.

Black archangel Michael is villainized and loses any of the moral complexity that white archangel Michael exhibits.

Kevin Tran (one of the few recurring PoC), reappears in the Apocalypse universe just to blow himself up as a suicide bomber.

Archangel Gabriel was being kept imprisoned by Colonel Sanders who moonlights as a prince of hell. Does any of this mini arc impact the overall narrative? No. Just more white men added to the story because Dabb can’t figure out where to take the franchise.

Mary Winchester is fridged, yet again, by another yellow eyed supernatural being, so a singular family member can go into a vindictive rage about it.

Canon bisexual God is villainized. I would say for plot reasons, but I have yet to discover anything in s15 resembling a plot.

Main universe Kevin Tran (who sacrificed everything to devote his short life to helping Sam and Dean) reveals that God sent him to Hell all those years ago. Kevin is then doomed to wander Earth as a ghost until he goes insane. At which point, white guy Sam is probably going to kill him sending him back to suffer for eternity in Hell.

Billie, a black woman, becomes Death, a primordial entity and a stronger force than God (will reap God in the end). She is villainized and killed by white men for being committed to keeping the universe in balance and adhering to the natural order. No one seeks justice for her.

W*ncest is shamelessly baited because Dabb has found the portion of fandom that prefers bros as soulmates responds favorably to these crumbs.

Romanticizing suicide in a meta attempt to inform viewers that this show has lived past its useful shelf life and keeping it alive is a punishment to be endured.

Spn Prequel: ??? Not to jinx the prequel but at least it should not be worse than Dabb era.

#Spn in a nutshell #eric kripke #sera gamble #jeremy carver #andrew dabb #bob singer #robbie thompson #jensen ackles #Spn prequel #anti andrew dabb

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mst3kproject · 3 years

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The Flame Barrier

I’ve got an awful lot of movies from 1958 on my resume, don’t I? Why is that? Honestly, I couldn’t tell you. Apparently it was just a bumper year for cheap, crappy black-and-white films. This one stars Kathleen Crowley from The Rebel Set and Rodd Redwing from The Mole People, in a movie written by George Worthing Yates, who also penned Earth vs the Spider. Also featuring a blob from outer space, with motives even less clear than the one in The Space Children.

Over yet another stock-footage rocket launch, one of those deep-voiced 50’s narrators informs us that there’s a layer of Earth’s atmosphere called the Flame Barrier which destroys everything it touches. This particular rocket was no exception, and its crash-landing in the Mexican jungle may be related to the disappearance of explorer Howard Dalman, whose wife Carol has now come looking for him. She seeks out a pair of prospectors, Dave and Matt Hollister, to guide her to his last known location. As they go deeper into the bush, they find they’re wandering into something unknown… something that can make men burst into flames!

This movie isn’t terrible. It’s not great, but it’s not irredeemably awful. It reminds me a lot of The Giant Gila Monster, in that there’s a story going on and it’s not a bad story per se, but it’s one that’s got nothing whatsoever to do with the title and premise that drew us to the film in the first place. When the supposed main plot pops up again at the end, it makes for a sudden and jarring shift.

The Flame Barrier starts off all right. We have the inevitable narrator to give us the backstory, and then it gets right on with meeting the characters. They’re introduced one by one, telling us their personalities and goals: Carol is naïve and spoiled but she’s trying her best, Matt is a drunk fool but he’s got a good heart, and Dave is a gruff, cynical realist who loves his brother but is tired of his bullshit. None of them are exactly nice people but you can see where they’re coming from, and they each get an arc. Carol struggles with whether she really loved Howard, whom she barely knew, and the movie allows her to toughen up and learn how to survive in the wilderness. Dave spends much of the movie being a jerk to Carol but eventually realizes he judged her too harshly and apologizes. Matt gets a chance to be a hero and takes it, believing that he owes it to Dave for never giving up on him. The writing is frequently unsubtle but the actors are competent, and these little stories work just fine.

The movie that surrounds them, however, is often very sloppy. The narrator tells us that the space probe from the opening crashed because ‘it unexpectedly lost its gravitational force’. What? What is that supposed to even mean? The narrator also tells us it’s been six months since Howard disappeared, then mere minutes later Carol says it’s been four. There’s a bit where Carol is menaced by an iguana… the creature is never actually in the shot with her, so they couldn’t find anything scarier? The stock wildlife footage on their trek through the soundstage sets of Central America includes hyenas. I can hear Crow saying, “boy, are we in Afri… wait a minute…” And, pet peeve, they describe a snake as poisonous instead of venomous.

This being a jungle movie, obviously there are ‘natives’. I think most of these are actual Mexicans, although Wikipedia says Rodd Redwing may have been from India (if so, I like to think his entire career in Westerns was based on just walking into casting directors’ offices and announcing he was ‘an Indian’, and letting them draw their own conclusions). Being as this is a movie from the fifties, the natives are there largely to provide a body count – white people aren’t allowed to die until the climax. To its credit, The Flame Barrier mostly (though not entirely) avoids the trope where the natives have interpreted the mysterious happenings as supernatural, leading the white characters to scoff at the whole thing. There is some of this, but Dave clearly knows these people well and respects their culture and their warnings.

Then there’s the love story. Obviously this is a movie, so Carol’s gotta fall for one or other of these idiots, but neither of the Hollister brothers is a good choice. Matt is sweet to her but he’s also a useless drunk who only has a job because his brother puts up with him. Dave spends eighty percent of the movie being an asshole and I have no idea what Carol sees in him. At least the two men never fight over her. I guess the love affair is important to the plot, because it spurs the party on to finish their search for the missing Howard Dalman despite the odds being stacked against them… but that basically boils down to Carol and Dave needing to be sure she’s a widow before they can bone.

After all this messing around in the jungle, with the run time half over we get to the plot, and the movie changes gears with an almost audible ka-chunk. Now we’ve got this space blob sitting in a cave (how did it get in there when it’s still attached to the rocket?) doubling in size every two hours, which must be destroyed before it can consume the entire earth! Suddenly we have a laboratory, because all the scientific equipment Howard brought with him is still in perfect condition despite having been sitting in the jungle for either four or six months. Suddenly Dave the rugged survivalist is a scientist and mathematician. It’s like they took the same actors and sets and started trying to make a totally different movie.

Honestly, I think this is more or less what happened. I think the multiplying space blob was the movie somebody originally wanted to make – it starts out as a tiny thing in a test tube, growing bigger and bigger until it consumes the whole building and will destroy the entire city if it isn’t stopped! That sounds like a pretty fun 50’s sci-fi movie in itself. It also, however, sounds like an expensive 50’s sci-fi movie, needing miniatures destroyed and screaming extras and other stuff The Flame Barrier just didn’t have the money for. Hence the need to spend so much time wandering around in the jungle swapping tragic backstories before the characters are allowed to get to that point.

The unfortunate thing about this is that the movie doesn’t really have time to get into the nature of its alien. In Spacemaster X-7, the Blood Rust was offscreen much of the time but we still had a good idea of what it was and of its capabilities, and the explanations we were given made a reasonable amount of sense. In The Flame Barrier, we’ve got this blob that apparently lives in the rarified and super-hot outer atmosphere (the writers seem to have confused Earth’s atmosphere with the Sun’s corona), but can also survive on the ground… and its effects are all over the place. Sometimes when things get too close to it, they’re just electrocuted and disintegrated, as happens to the rocket’s original passenger, a very young chimpanzee. Sometimes people get horribly burned and then burst into flames and are reduced to skeletons hours or days later, as keeps happening to the natives. And then there’s Howard, who somehow managed to get close enough to be swallowed up by the thing and his corpse is still completely intact inside it.

None of this makes any sense. If the blob has that protective electrocution barrier that the humans must be so careful to avoid, how did Howard get close enough to be trapped in it? How did the chimp get out to end up wandering around in the jungle? What the heck is happening to the natives who get burned and then skeletonized and why doesn’t that ever happen to the chimp or any of the main characters? And how do they manage to kill by electrocution a creature that uses lethal amounts of electricity without any harm to itself? ‘It’s an alien – we don’t understand it’ can cover a multitude of sins in movie writing, but the blob’s random effects don’t even feel like they could potentially make sense.

The Flame Barrier reminds me of other MST3K movies, too. Prominent among them are It Conquered the World and The Crawling Hand, both of which ended on the same unintentionally depressing note: they suggest that the dangers of going into space are so great that humans will never be able to overcome them. It Conquered the World tells us that there are eight more Venusians just waiting for their own turn to invade. The Crawling Hand says that exposure to outer space causes mutations that will turn astronauts into mindless murderers. The Flame Barrier posits that not only is space itself deadly, but is also full of deadly creatures, and the only way to avoid them is to stay on the ground.

This has always interested me because movies like this stand alongside things like the tales of Rocky Jones, Space Ranger!, in which humans have an exciting future among the stars. Stories set in space can be about either the exhilaration of discovery or the terror of the unknown, and this dichotomy seems to be as old as science fiction – Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein is considered the first work of proper sci-fi, and it encompasses both. Frankenstein tells us that if we let our fear over-rule our curiosity, we’ll miss out on something potentially wonderful. Movies like The Flame Barrier, and even modern space monster flicks like Alien, seem to say the opposite, that we shouldn’t meddle with the unknown at all.

This movie was kind of a compromise on my part. I’ve had a lot on my plate lately and I picked The Flame Barrier as a movie that was kinda stupid but wouldn’t be either a test of my endurance or particularly challenging to write about. I’m hoping to have something a little juicier for you next time.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #the flame barrier #boy are we in africa!#50s #we're running out of plots

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lunaslashsea · 3 years

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Crossover Fanfic Recs

The Addams Family/Harry Potter

'Family Values' by Ishtar Petunia Dursley discovers that taking care of two small boys is too much for her, so she passes the guardianship of Harry Potter over to a distant relative — Morticia Addams. With Harry growing up in a very different type of Family, Dumbledore desperately tries to get him back. But the Harry Potter who finally arrives at Hogwarts, along with his "cousins" Pugsley and Wednesday, will be nothing like what Dumbledore expects.

The Addams Family/Rise of the Guardians

'Nightmares for Christmas' by Neyiea Not all children are happy that their nightmares have disappeared, and as such North finds himself receiving a very unexpected letter several days before Christmas.

Big Hero 6/The Martian

'Big Hero Martian' by althor42 There would have been no rescue for Mark, if NASA had not noticed he was still alive. Unless of course, a certain Big Hero noticed instead.

Big Hero 6/Marvel

'Magnets for Trouble' by PitViperOfDoom Months after Callaghan's downfall, Hiro receives a surprise in the mail: a special invitation to this year's Stark Expo. With Fred for company, he leaves the protection of the city temporarily in the hands of the rest of the team and flies across the country to meet the man with twice the brains and bank account of Alistair Krei and several times the infamy.

But of course, it can't be that simple, can it? Really, after how his last expo went, he should have seen this coming.

Bleach/Free! Iwatobi Swim Club

'Teamwork for Hire' by junko After the defeat of Aizen, Ichigo has lost his superpowers but not his skills so he's been hiring himself out to any sports team looking for a strong player. When Nagisa Hazuki approaches Ichigo to join the Iwatobi High School Swimming Club, something piques Ichigo's interest…

Bleach/Harry Potter

'Crazy=Genius' series by blackkat Minerva McGonagall isn't about to let Harry go back to the Dursleys after his first year. She finds an alternative, and along the way, Bazzard Black finds that he might have more family left than he'd ever thought.

'Lost Boys' by glacis After the Triwizard fiasco, Harry leaves Britain behind for a new life. Uryuu befriends Ichigo at a much younger age. Sirius escapes. Points converge and lost boys find a family. Isshin fails. So does Ryuuken. Kisuke finds a friend. Ukitake covers and cleans up. Fate changes.

'There May Be Some Collateral Damage' by metisket Ichigo's been ordered to go undercover at a magic school to bodyguard a kid named Harry Potter, and this would be fine, except that he's about as good at bodyguarding as he is at magic. And he considers it a good day, magic‐wise, if he hasn't set anything on fire.

Bleach/Hunger Games

'Storm the World with Reckless Abandon' by SSAerial So due to one of Urahara's failed experiments that Ichigo unluckily got a full blast of (because life hates him and trouble is attracted to him like a clingy fangirl he could do without), Ichigo ends up in a dystopian universe where people take perverse pleasure in watching kids fight to the death. Which just, no. So Panem now has to deal with a pissed of Ichigo who's determined to stop the Hunger Games and pummel Snow to the ground. And Panem doesn't have a snowball chance in hell in stopping him.

Bleach/Lord of the Rings

'Behold the Flowing Years' by Straight‐Outta‐Hobbiton Ichigo escapes his dimension to start anew, away from the memories of death and friendships past that he can't seem to put to rest. Rohan is a beautiful country, and Théoden is a good king, but evil only grows stronger within the borders of Mordor, and Ichigo finds himself once more forced to protect those whom he has grown to love.

Bleach/Marvel

'Foreign Recruit' by SSAerial Ichigo doesn't know where to start. He has no friends, no family, no personal attachments to the world he got dumped into. The Soul King never specified what he was supposed to do in a world where technology is ahead of its time and aliens and secret governments exist. As for the people he has to deal with… Well, it isn't like he hasn't dealt with colorful personalities before.

Bleach/Naruto

'All My Ghosts are at Rest' series by Zakad An older Ichigo and Uryu leave Soul Society and all its problems behind to search for the near-mythical homeland of a particular Shiba ancestor. They find the Elemental Countries and one little boy who is desperate need of a family.

'Bite' by blackkat Orochimaru and his sons crash‐land in Karakura. Soul Society is most definitely not prepared for what's coming.

'A New Home' by Rain1701 In an effort to save her life and freedom, Hitsugaya Toshiro winds up landing head‐first in the Naruto universe two months before the start of canon. Not much stays the same after that.

'Soul of Fire' by Zeionia aka Disturbed After being betrayed by Soul Society, Ichigo and his sisters leave Karakura behind to find shelter with the remains of their grandfather's clan in the Land of Fire. Instead of the peaceful life they were hoping for, they reach Konoha just as a new danger appears to threaten the Uzumaki. Heart‐broken and tired of fighting, will Ichigo be able to protect his sisters and his new home?

Bleach/Stargate

'Stardust' by Vathara What if some Alterans found another way to survive the Wraith? Five thousand years before the Stargate opens, contact with creatures of energy changes the way of life for an Alteran colony…

Card Captor Sakura/Harry Potter

'Cardcaptor Harry' by LunaStorm In which both Albus Dumbledore and Clow Reed would have done well to remember that there are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in any philosophy… or predicted by the most imprecise branch of magic…

Doctor Who/Marvel

'Alien Taskforce' by TheSovereigntyofReality Just because S.H.I.E.L.D. and the Avengers didn't listen to Tony after the Battle of New York, it doesn't mean no one did.

Downton Abbey/Marvel

'Tony Stark Meets an Extremely Unimpressed Time Traveler, or, Thomas Barrow Makes a Surprisingly Good 21st Century Butler' by Alex51324 In which Tony Stark ditches a boring party, makes an addition to the household staff, throws a much better party, and tries not to sexually harass his new butler.

Or, In which Thomas Barrow has a little trouble getting home from the pub, is generally unimpressed with many aspects of the 21st century, never thought of himself as a conservative dresser before, and may or may not be falling in lust with his new employer.

Gilmore Girls/Stargate

'Physics of the Spin' by Mhalachai Rory Gilmore always thought she was Christopher Hayden's daughter, but things are a little more complicated than that…

Good Omens/Supernatural

'Misfire' by VivatRex Crowley finds himself in another universe; Aziraphale goes to fetch him. In the meantime, Team Free Will has to figure out what to do with the 6,000 year old demon that won't stay in a devil's trap and keeps rooting through Dean's vinyl collection. Shenanigans ensue.

Gundam Wing/Naruto

'Worlds Apart' by Mieren Something went horribly wrong and Duo and Naruto are in the wrong worlds. Ninja vs technology. How could this possibly go wrong?

Harry Potter/Marvel

'Behind the Shield' by GeeEs It was a good thing the new scientist, Dr. Harry Evans, was working out so well. Because nothing else was going Fury's way. And that was before Loki made off with the Tesseract and some of his people. Maybe AU to Mortem Cantor by Kyandua.

'How Harry Failed to Conquer New York' by Impossible_Insanity

'I See The Moon' by hctiB‐notsoB While on the run, Bruce meets a young man who speaks to the moon. He's probably not quite the sanest friend Bruce could have made, but, well… beggars can't be choosers.

'Mischief's Heir' series by mad_fairy Mostly Harry Potter with the addition of Loki in the first parts

'Mortem Cantor' by Kyandua After losing everything he holds dear, Harry Potter is thrust into a new world; one with Superheroes and evil Villains that make Voldemort look like a kitten. Struggling to survive in this new world - and, meanwhile, gaining the attention of S.H.I.E.L.D. - he attempts to live a NORMAL life. But, he is Harry Potter after all... what could possibly go wrong?

'On Punching Gods and Absentee Dads' by Enigmaris Harry finds out that his dad is alive, has been the whole time. Instead of being overjoyed, Harry's disgusted. His dad left earth and abandoned his friends. Every painful thing he's ever gone through can be traced back to one man. Now Harry's got super strength he can't control and an almost unnecessary amount of magical power. His dad might be living it up with the Avengers now but not for long. With the help of his friends, Harry comes up with a plan for revenge. Get ready Avengers, Harry's out to punch a god.

'Safeguard' by esama The Chitauri invasion launches a whole new age – for everyone.

Inuyasha/Yu Yu Hakusho

'Devoted' by Ookami‐chan Loving someone means seeing to it that they receive nothing but the very best of care. In all things.

'Healing Soul' by Trelweny Rosephoenixwolf Canon, IY slightly alternate ending, BG blend but more manga than anime; YYH boys' last year of school but otherwise through series, anime only.

'By Any Other Name' by Deviant Nature Kagome's return after an unexplained, prolonged absence leaves her family with questions she refuses to answer except to assure that it's over. While she attempts to readapt to the present, Kurama is feeling the pressures of human society's expectations. But the solutions to his troubles aren't as straight‐forward as he had hoped. Note: Unrated version is on MediaMiner.net as 'Par Tout Autre Nom'

Harry Potter/Ranma 1/2

'Harry Hibiki and the Philosopher's Stone' by USA_Tiger On the night Voldemort attacks the Potter's home, a completely different person finds Harry before Sirius Black or Hagrid. Harry is found and adopted by Nerima's very own eternal lost boy Ryoga Hibiki! Soon Harry will be joining his classmates at Hogwarts but how will Hogwarts handle this kind of Harry? And how does it affect the prophecy, what is the 'power he knows not?

Harry Potter/Sherlock

'The Avalon Seven' by sifshadowheart Major Non‐Canon A/U, Harry is treated for abuse and massive injuries by John Watson as a John Doe. To help solve the mystery of the battered boy John calls in his partner Sherlock — whose father has much more information about his patient than John ever thought possible. Turning to an old acquaintance, Siger Holmes contacts the Lord of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Wallace…Harry's rightful guardian.

First several chapters will be covering Pre‐Hogwarts years, story starts with Harry at age four so it'll be a while before any sort of slash or real conflict happens. Very political fic with lots of twists and turns. Because the plot‐bunnies won't leave me alone!

'Magnificent' by esama The birth of the Ministry of Magic and his relationship with the British Government.

'Whispers in Corners' by esama Everything started with a stumble — his new life in a new world as well as his surprisingly successful career as a medium.

Harry Potter/Sherlock/Star Trek

'Harder Choices' by sifshadowheart Post‐Avalon Seven A/U…a.k.a. This is what happens when plot‐bunnies start mating and multiplying.

Hadrian saves Earth…at a cost

Hetalia/Naruto

'An Englishman in Konoha' by pupeez4eva Itachi Uchiha is a strange child, who regularly converses with things no one else can see, drinks far too much tea, and has a strong and unyielding obsession with being the best big brother ever (or, in a world where England is reborn into the Naruto universe, Itachi ends up a little…different).

The Hobbit/Sherlock

'All Things Old and New' by teacup_of_doom All around the world, people are remembering past lives. Bilbo Baggins discovers that Tookish streaks can span lifetimes — and can have unintended, hilarious, consequences.

Katekyou Hitman Reborn!/Naruto

'Force of Nature' by Ramabear (RyMagnatar) He had died— honorably, he'd like to think, despite living as a villain and an assassin for over half a century— and that, as far as Xanxus had ever figured, would be the end of that. No heaven. No hell. Just life when you were breathing and nothingness when you stopped.

Except that it didn't, quite, turn out that way. Except he came back as the son of the kindest, sometimes saddest father in the world. In both worlds. A father that he knew, without a doubt, to be his flesh and blood. All at once, Xanxus had everything he'd wanted as a child. A home. A family. Stability. And he was going to fight like hell and beat down anyone who tried to take it from him, no matter what his age.

(In which Sakumo raises a son who speaks multiple languages from birth, all of them gibberish to the poor single father jounin, spits vulgarity with the same ease as he does his praise and burns with an unshakable determination to build himself a family that will not fall, no matter who or what is thrown against it.)

'Uchiha Kyōya' by Tsume_Yuki In a world where Fugaku has three sons, he wishes he'd stopped at the one. There's nothing wrong with the youngest, it's just…

The middle child.

Marvel/Sherlock

'In Which Neither Coulson nor Sherlock are Dead' by TheDullYellowEye … and John sort of joins the Avengers. While Coulson's recovering from being stabbed in the chest by a magical spear, Fury is rapidly running out of Agents willing to play babysitter for the newly founded Avengers. So he calls in Captain John Watson, late of the British Royal Army, and blogger and best friend to the infamously antisocial presumably deceased Sherlock Holmes.

Naruto/One Piece

'Lost Uzumaki' by Silver Dragonfly (lillikira) Shanks was used to strange meetings on the various islands of the Grand Line. However, this one was unusual even for the Grand Line. A Lost Uzumaki is found and Naruto has no plans of not becoming part of his family. (A Series of Snapshots about the finding of lost family.)

Naruto/Pern

'One World's Tragedy is Another World's ...Gain?' by Foodmoon Pern goes to hell in a handbasket. Ir'ca tries to rescue the future of dragonkind by being a thief and somehow ends up in the Land of Fire. It's probably a good thing Kakashi handed over the Hat a while back...

Naruto/Sherlock

'Deduction in Shadows' by GremlinSR Shikaku just wanted to finish his paperwork before lunch so he could squeeze in an afternoon nap. His plans are derailed by a six year old orphan when she sneaks into his office with proof that somebody has been kidnapping the children of Konoha and covering it up.

He never does end up getting that nap.

Or: A Holmes is reborn into the ninja village Konoha. Chaos ensues

Rise of the Guardians/Marvel

'Constellations of Old' by kuroi_atropos When the Man in the Moon recognizes Thor as a representative of Asgard, he decides to send the Guardians of Childhood to ask for help vanquishing the last of shadows, as well as a few other things he could use some help with.

'Winter Gods' by avearia The Guardians discover that, outside of Earth, many races actually worship Jack as a God. Meanwhile, the Avengers deal with the implications that come with an almighty spirit, otherworldly religions, and the revelation that Santa is real.

#fic recs #crossover fic recs

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ileolai · 5 years

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[this context is probably important so i reccommend reading it first.]

More thoughts about the differences in Aziraphale / Crowley's personal spaces in the book vs the show, because the way they are both illustrated serves different purposes in their journeys, I think.

and of course

so In the book, Aziraphale is outwardly polite but aggressively gaurds his little sanctum of misprinted Bibles and what-not from human people. If he absolutely has to, he'll reluctantly sell the books. ''Second hand book dealer'' is explicitly described as a cover-- an external image-- and the bookshop is mostly a big vault to store his valuable informations. This is, I suppose, how you would illustrate a celestial analogy for a Cold War rogue agent.

But in the tv show, Aziraphale’s story is less about that and more specifically about his emotional relationship to Crowley, to which his humanity, and his aspiration to be more human [previous meta] is a core factor. So the bookshop is more like a home, it's domestic and cozy, and the place he is absolutely at peace, his personal refuge.

and it's not just a disguise, or a vault, the bookshop IS Aziraphale, yes? A sort of outward reflection of himself and his internal world. All those scattered books and papers, the artwork that is ¡specifically! depicting the temptation of Eve, etc-- those are his memories he chooses to keep, his experiences, little pieces of himself. Same with Crowley -- in the book his apartment is about how he constructs his external self-image, it's mostly full of Real Actual Cool Person Stuff that he doesn't actually care about or even interact with, aside from the plants. But in the tv show it's about his internal world, and it's large and cold and spare and hardly a-real-human-persons’-apartment-like. Apart from being these Jungian reflections of their internal selves, the bookshop and the apartment are also the liminal spaces where their important decisions to move forward are made. Aziraphale finally severs his connection to Heaven completely in the bookshop, and Crowley in his ep. 4 extended panic attack repeatedly retreats to and emerges from his apartment, first deciding to run away, and then to murder Hastur and Ligur, etc. But I wanna focus on Crowley here, i’ve wrote reams about Aziraphale already- So Crowley's internal world, very unlike Aziraphale's, is all very boxed in and inaccessible-- the Garden Of Re-traumatizing Myself is in one concrete shrouded box, and the Probably A Wank Fantasy statue is in another box, and the bird statue is in its own little box, and they're all walled off from each other with little to no direct line of sight. And they’re sentimental objects or things specific to Crowley’s character, as opposed to Really Cool Actual Human Person stuff. And there appears to be no visible door in at first [until Hastur kicks it in], unlike Aziraphale’s shop. it just looks like a bunch of transitional hallways and no actual rooms. There’s almost nowhere to settle and say, appreciate your Wank Fantasy Statue, it’s just in this dimly lit claustrophobic little space. A good analogy for Crowley’s fractured / wandering thinking, these hallways.

everything is drawn and shuttered and closed off and dark, but especially during his extended freak-out episode when he is hurt by Aziraphale / having an existential crisis / having some kind of emotional flashback to the Fall / yelling at God all at once [because... shoving your emotions in little boxes doesn’t really... work... ever...]

So here’s one of my favourite little things and a good illustration of how this thing is laid out like a palatial memory space, i think. Immediately after his first attempt at dragging Aziraphale away fails, they break up, and he is considering abandoning the place on his own and hollering at God about it all, the Remember When We Killed Some Nazis In A Church bird statue is sort of hovering there in the background, just out of sight.

But the second time he goes back to his apartment-- which is when he decides to murder someone for his and Aziraphale’s sake again-- it’s looming right over him, and he enters from that space.

Ooh.

Back to his existential Why God Why freak out for a moment-- here he’s looking at the globe, but he’s not actually seeing anything of the actual world outside, right? He’s shut off, shut down and angry. And he bats this thing away-- but it returns, like an annoying thought-- bc as I talked abt in my previous meta, he is much more ambivalent to the Earth than Aziraphale.

Until. UNTIL. This is important! He opens the safe on the second round.

NOW those shutters are open again, and the place is lit up.

Because this is abt opening the most locked-down and guarded part of himself... and the thing which represents Aziraphale's committment to him... opens up everything else, yes? And what he is doing in that moment, is making the commitment to go back to Aziraphale again, even though he was hurt twice-- and in a way he can never walk back from again, bc he’s about to murder someone to do it.

So there's a whole lot more I could go into about why murdering Ligur but failing to kill Hastur is specifically important, why making this tremendous effort at vulnerability and being thwarted by the bookshop burning is what pushes him to the edge of giving up where book!Crowley didn't, etc. but the point I wanna get to is this--

It is only -after- all this, opening the shutters on his internal world and accessing that memory of Aziraphale's committment to him, going back to him, and finding his humanity and value for the world, that Crowley invites Aziraphale back to his apartment for the first time. Shows him all of himself that he keeps locked away, which is essential for them to pull off the swap at the end. He has apparently kept himself walled off and emotionally inaccessible since 1967, until he blurted it all out with ‘’we can run away together?’’ and spent the rest of the episode in frantic damage control.

So I would say it's not Aziraphale who needs to learn how to emotionally reciprocate, yes? Aziraphale made his can’t-walk-this-back committment in 1967 when he stole what is, effectively, the celestial equivalent of weapons grade plutonium. And his own world is always open to Crowley-- Crowley knows the bookshop intimately, and is more comfortable being there than in his own head.

Crowley is kind and generous and loving-- and it’s not that he doesn’t know how he feels-- but returning that level of vulnerability and Being Known is terrifying for him, I think, and he has to face down that terror before he can, has to know he can survive it.

#gettin jungian in this hizzy #good omens #meta #crowley #long post

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tanoraqui · 3 years

Text

ok my last review of my own SPN fic from the early 2010s gets its own post bc the other two were getting long and honestly this was more Good Omens fic than anything. Literally I lost steam on it when faced with the prospect of writing Supernatural characters other than Crowley (the fic, of course, being centered around the idea that What if That Was Proper, GO Crowley, and if so, How).

Once More Unto the Breach proposes that, shortly after the events of Good Omens, Aziraphale was yanked back to Heaven and tortured for a while until he, ah, saw the light again (with input of later seasons, I suppose I’d include Naomi in this somewhere), and Crowley was yanked back to Hell where he was tortured...and just kinda. Tortured. A lot. And had his grace stripped out, this one of the last of the angels who’d followed Lucifer in his fall (and idea SPN never got into but hella could’ve tbh; it fucks). And then, now that he was basically a normal mortal, for some reason they dropped him back in the timestream in like 1500s? Scotland with no memory, planning to let him lead a normal human life and then SURPRISE you’re back in Hell! Bitch! Suffer!

Except instead of leading a normal human life, he (per canon spn) sold his soul to a crossroads demon for a bigger dick, and then, uhhhh, paperwork got lost and he just kinda ended up in the shuffle as a normal demon working his way up through the ranks, eventually becoming the SPN!Crowley we know? Aziraphale, meanwhile, has been sent out again to participate in the newly destined Apocalypse, Michael vs. Lucifer - ineffable!

And then, ofc, they meet a time or two...mostly very awkward and Aziraphale is like, “he’s superficially familiar but no, it’s obviously not My Crowley - who was evil and lied to me, ofc”, and Crowley is like, “what a weirdo.”

The Apocalypse fails to happen again. Aziraphale attempts to quietly duck out of Heavenly duties and resume his bookstore in London. Ch.2 of this fic - which I wrote! - is a pretty solid fic all on its own, of alternatingly Castiel’s and Raphael’s side showing up and trying to persuade him to join their team, and Aziraphale trying very hard to politely send them away before eventually snapping and joining Castiel. In the middle of a fight in a random heaven that happens to be an early 19th century British Navy ship in the height of a storm, because fanfiction is for SELF-INDULGENCE and nothing else.

Actually, u know what, just

“Is that so,” Ezekiel asked softly, playing with his blades. He had three now, his own and Castiel’s. “And how, exactly, are you going to stop me?

Aziraphale made up his mind. “He’s not,” said the bookseller, stepping between them and spreading his wings like a shield in front of the wounded rebel. “I will.”

“What are you doing?” hissed Castiel. “You do not need to die!”

Ezekiel laughed. “You?” He stepped back mockingly, and spread his arms in challenge. “Little brother, you are even lower class than the pathetic excuse for an angel cowering behind you. Who are you to challenge I, Ezekiel, Weapons Master of the Heavenly Host?”

Aziraphale stood up straight, spreading his wings wider. Lightning flashed for the first time in the tempestuous sky above, illuminating their feathery expanse.

“I am Aziraphale,” he stated, “Guardian of the Eastern Gate of Eden.” The scabbard appeared at his side like it always did, like it hadn’t done for over 6000 years. He reached down and drew the sword, hilt conforming perfectly to his grip. The blade caught fire instantly, and any raindrop that came near evaporated to steam before it touched the flame. “And I wield the Sword of War.”

Ezekiel’s step backwards was genuine this time, as was the fear in his voice.

“The Sword is a Weapon of Heaven, and belongs to Raphael!” he managed.

“I’m afraid it doesn’t,” Aziraphale said gently. It was an elegant sword, long and thin and rapier-like, and very clearly meant to kill. “This is the blade given to my hand by Michael, Commander of the Heavenly Host, when we all trained together as brothers. Before all the senseless bureaucracy took hold. From me, it passed to the human Eve, and there it became a Symbol to the humans, of War. It’s their Weapon, really, so I will use it on their behalf. If Raphael considers that ‘rebellion’, then so be it.”

ANYWAY. So, Aziraphale joins Cas’s rebellion and mostly starts sorting records in the very neglected Library of Heaven that contains a book recounting the life of every single person ever, bc that’s my idea of heaven and I’m right. But also he needs to rescue the nice young rebel angel whose capture kinda prompted him into this decision in the first place, and that means breaking into the really serious heavenly prison area...so he goes to the new King of Hell and bargains to borrow one of the lost Treasures of Heaven (remember those, from s6?) that Crowley has ended up with. They agree: Aziraphale can have the Crown of Pollution thing for 24 Earth hours, and in return, at a time of his choosing, Crowley will get a treasure of Heaven to which Aziraphale has access for 24 hours.

Upon getting the Crown back, Crowley informs him that the treasure he’d like is...Aziraphale, actually. The Sword of War, if he wants to be fussy, and Aziraphale is welcome to come along with it! After all, surely a warrior of Heaven is as valuable as an artifact. “You want me to...smite your political enemies?” Aziraphale says slowly. “Sure,” says Crowley. “Also, come to tea for 10 minutes once a week or so and tell me hte latest news from your little war. I never said the 24 hours had to be consecutive.”

Obviously Aziraphale is Pissed AF, but he’s also stuck, and afraid to tell anyone that he’s been Dealing with a demon. So he goes once a week to tea, and gives absolutely monosyllabic answers full of ice...

Crowley fills some of the silence by starting t just bitch about work...and offers booze every time...once, after a hard battle, Aziraphale accepts...he offers bitchy comments about the demons Crowley complains about...don’t do this, Aziraphale tells himself firmly; it’s not YOUR demon, and anyway that was still probably a lie, and even if it wasn’t (it definitely wasn’t) you can’t find him; he’s probably dead...and this one’s MUCH trickier... There’s an assassination attempt on Crowley in which Aziraphale throws his sword across the room to him and it catches fire just as it does for Aziraphale, just as it doesn’t do for anyone else...

And that’s kinda where I stopped writing, bc I kept just...not wanting to write scenes with actual SPN characters, even though I really did need to involve Castiel, if I wanted him and Aziraphale to have a, “wait, you’re working with Crowley?” “Wait, YOU’RE working with Crowley?!”

I don’t really know how the rest of all that was supposed to go, with Purgatory and the Leviathans and everything. Cas WAS definitely having Aziraphale do research, while he alphabetized the Library, into Purgatory, and that’s a whole additional level of “wow I thought you were legit but Apparently I’m Disappointed Again.” Aziraphale is angry at both Crowley and Cas, but *checks outline* when Cas absorbs all the souls and goes nuts, Crowley runs, worried, to tell Aziraphale. Aziraphale tries to confront/calm Cas, and gets the dubious honor of being the first person “spared” by the new god.

Somewhere in here, logically, Aziraphale must tell SPN!Crowley about GO!Crowley, and Crowley’s like, “weird. I mean, I guess I’ve had dreams now and then of flying or being a snake or burning-but-in-a-good-way, but doesn’t everyone?” (I didn’t write this down anywhere but, like...it must happen.)

Somehow (Library of Heaven? Someone finally found the lost paperwork in Hell?) Aziraphale and Crowley find out that GO!Crowley’s (OG Crowley’s!) lost Grace is in, where else, Hyde Park, turned into, what else, an apple tree. If he is proper Crowley, it should woosh back into him when he touches the tree...

Aziraphale watched it breathless anticipation (not that he usually breathed anyway) as Crowley rested his hand on the bark of the tree.

Nothing happened.

“Well, that was a bit of a disappointment,” said Crowley. He reached up and carelessly grabbed an apple, brought it down and bit into it.

Everything exploded in the bright light of Grace.

In the planning document, I’ve written that Crowley goes back to Hell to try to wrangle it and Aziraphale ditto Heaven, which I guess...is reasonable. Good Omens ends with them both happily fucking off to stay on Earth and that’s the happy ending, but here, early SPN s7 with Cas having just fucked off into a lake and exploded with Leviathans, both Heaven and Hell could really use a sensible guiding hand, and unlike every other time (ie, all the time) that’s true, there’s a genuine opportunity for someone to step in and have influence. So...

Verdict: 11/10 this fic still SLAPS; thank you for coming on this exciting journey of nostalgia with me.

#supernatural #spn #my fic #good omens #p.s. SHOUTOUT to the PAGES document format that these are all in bc i wrote them on my high school desktop computer #goddamn that was a While ago

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ariaste · 5 years

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Hello! I wonder why you don't like fics where Crowley and/or Aziraphale summon a tube of lube? Is it the summon or the lube in general or something else?

ok i’m gonna put this under a read-more so that if y’all are not up for it, you can skip me putting my feet on the table and vaping aggressively while I blather extensively, re: My Big Opinions About Worldbuilding and Magic Systems and Sex

if you ARE up for it, WELCOME TO MY TED TALK:

EDIT: Tumblr is refusing to let me put this under a read-more????????

EDIT 2: UHGHGHGHGHHGHHHHHHHHH I am so sorry I don’t know how to fix this. >:|||| I guess here are just… all my opinions, naked in the open!!!!!! Totally discourteous to everyone trying to use the tag! I’m so sorry for my entire everything *grinds teeth*

Disclaimer: I fucking love fanfic authors, they are doing the lord’s work and I am so thankful for them. I fucking love fanfic. I love that there are a huge variety of interpretations and opinions about these characters. I think that’s a sign of the canon being Good Art, and a sign of a vibrant and healthy fandom. This is one (1) small pet peeve about one (1) miniscule aspect of the patterns I see in our fanfic. This is from me, a single one (1) member of the fandom whose opinion doesn’t actually mean shit or matter more than anyone else’s. In other words, I am shaking my fist and shouting at a cloud. THIS DOES NOT MATTER IN THE SLIGHTEST. This is a thing that is ABSOLUTELY INCONSEQUENTIAL but i still have really big annoyed feelings about it because sometimes that’s just how it be on this hot gay earth

Now let’s talk about the summoning lube thing and why it makes me sigh for two hours straight.

First off, we’re gonna have to back up and talk about The Craft Of Writing. When you do worldbuilding, any thing you put into your world immediately sparks a series of knock-on effects, like ripples in a pond. Suppose you have a fantasy world and you decide that it has two moons. Great, so what’s that do to the tides? What’s that do to the calendar system? Do they have months? Do women associate their menstrual cycle with the moons now that the phases probably don’t coincidentally line up? Can you even call it a “menstrual” cycle or a “month” when both of those words are derived from the same etymological root as the word “moon”?

Most writers conveniently ignore things like this if it requires them to go too deep and THAT IS FINE. That is SO FINE. If we had to work out every single little thing, the writing would never get done and we’d all be paralyzed in the middle of our 38402nd Wikipedia research binge.

h o w e v e r

Magic systems.

With magic systems, you do have to spend at least ten seconds thinking about it on a deeper level.

In the last decade or so, there has sort of developed a taxonomy of magic systems. If you’ve listened to the podcast Writing Excuses, you’ve probably heard Brandon Sanderson talking about “hard magic” vs “soft magic”. Hard magic has rules and limitations – potionmaking in Harry Potter, for example, is a form of hard magic. You have to do all the steps exactly right to get your desired effect, and you’re limited by the availability of ingredients, time, and personal skill.

Crowley and Aziraphale use a perfect example of “soft magic”. They just sorta DO stuff, and we never see it going wrong (except with Crowley tripping himself up, ie: with the phone system going down, but that’s not because the MAGIC went wrong, that’s just that he was a dumbass and didn’t think through what he was doing). There’s no rules. There’s no limitations but imagination. They don’t seem to run out of juice.

With a thought, Crowley can shapeshift himself at will, keep track of bullets so they don’t actually hurt anybody, hold the Bentley together in the middle of an inferno without being discorporated, exude a passive magical aura to sufficient extent that the Bentley eventually gains its own transmutation magic (Queen albums), put the fear of Crowley into his plants, and stop time. With a thought, Aziraphale can instantly switch clothes with someone, heal broken bones, execute an assortment of “too many frivolous miracles”, and keep himself and Crowley alive when a literal bomb goes off on top of them.

With a thought, they can both bring doves and probably other animals back to life (Crowley in the book, Aziraphale in the show), manipulate light, execute both minor and major acts of telekinesis, summon and transmute objects, sober up at will, make ducks sink, repair damaged objects, coincidentally arrive at restaurants just as a free table comes available, and control the thoughts, possess the bodies, and sense the virtues/vices of the humans around them. The only thing that is conspicuously implied to be out of their ability is long-distance teleportation: Aziraphale has to ride a horse all the way to Scotland for that miracle-and-temptation, Crowley has to drive the Bentley to Tadfield – both of them in these situations, had they been able to, definitely would have just Done The Thing. That they didn’t do the thing suggests that they can’t.

They are, for all intents and purposes (except long-range teleportation), all-powerful.

So.

The lube thing.

First off, it’s like…. the most aggressively mediocre, uncreative use of Effectively All-Powerful Actual Real Magic that I have ever seen, and it happens over. and over. and over and over and over andoverandoverandover, for no reason other than “this is the part of the fic where the lube happens”. It is getting to the point where I will just immediately close the tab and not read a single word more. Drives me absolutely feral with Opinions.

Here’s the thing, summoning just lube? Like, suddenly fingers sticky? Sure, whatever, fine, it’s not great but I roll my eyes a bit and keep reading. Summoning a tube, though? w h y?

This kind of goes back to the whole thing I was yelling about the other day with More Weirder Sex Please (”#transdimensional extraplanar sex or go home”)? Like, the world just sort of rearranges itself according to their passive expectations. Crowley can’t get into a car without it spontaneously generating a music player – he doesn’t even have to think about it! He doesn’t do the miracle consciously, it just HAPPENS.

So….. why are they having to think about lube? Why doesn’t that just happen passively? They can control their own physical forms well enough to sober up at will, and you expect me to believe they need to conjure some goddamn KY jelly to bone down? Some fucking Astroglide? It breaks suspension of disbelief (and since I generally ship them as “deeply romantic but asexual” to begin with, my suspension of disbelief is already hanging from rather tenuous threads already). It makes me want to take the fic author’s precious perfect face in my hands and say, “Okay, but why? What is the actual reason for this to be happening in this way?”

If they had a reason? FANTASTIC. I want to hear it! Reasons would be fascinating! Tell me your reasons for them to be doing it this way! Reasons are great!!! The whole purpose of fic is to break rules and display your arguments, yes? Give me your reasons! Show your work!

But most of the time, there isn’t a reason. They’re just writing it that way because it’s The Thing To Do, and because there are certain structures of writing smutfic that are considered mandatory (speaking of things that drive me absolutely feral with Opinions, don’t even get me started on “one finger, two fingers, three fingers, cock” as a pattern that is baked into fic ACROSS EVERY FANDOM, or we’ll be here all goddamn day).

So there is no Reason. There’s just a default that we’re adhering to. Can’t fuck without externally-sourced lube!!! Even if you’re an all-powerful supernatural entity!!!! Even if, as the fandom generally agrees, you can manifest whatever genital configuration you fancy!!!!!!!!! No lube, no sex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or the porn police will come after you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i am not intending to function as the porn police right now in this rant. I am trying to function as the porn anarchist and free us from these bonds.)

On another level, from a writing perspective, I know firsthand how annoying it is to choreograph a sex scene. So annoying. Human sex is messy and inconvenient, so why not take the opportunity to elide all those mundane little details? They’re incredibly magical beings with passive area-of-effect miracles happening around them! There has never been a better excuse to make the sex just sort of Conveniently Happen! So is summoning a tube of lube really the most fun and exciting option you could take here? Are we spending even 10 seconds thinking about the choices we’re making or are we just presuming the default? Are we, if you will excuse the pun, making an effort?

In conclusion, let’s put it in meme form:

extremely broke: They are boning. One of them gets out of bed to fetch lube from across the room. (Yes, I have read a fic where this happened. I have stared into the abyss)

broke but slightly less so: Spontaneous lube on fingers, no container necessary!

woke: lube is simply where it needs to be, when it needs to be there (for bonus points, add: “…because we don’t actually know how human sex works, practically speaking; we just have 6000 years of gradually-gleaned knowledge, curious natures, and a shared spirit of cooperation”)

bespoke: hahaha friction burn is for mortals and suckers, just like gravity and biology and physics and the laws of thermodynamics.

galaxy-brain bespoke: Through extensive testing we have designed our own custom genital configurations that perfectly suit the particular kind of sex that we like to have

super-galaxy-brain bespoke: Metaphysical extraplanar sex, aka “The Full Milton”. (Alternatively: “here, lie down with your head in my lap and I’ll put my fingers on your temples and fire all your nerve endings for you until you beg for mercy. who even needs genitals when we can probably reach directly into each other’s brains and trigger massive overloads of sparkly chemical cocktails on command????”)

I do want to be abundantly clear about this: If you have a different interpretation, that is SO INCREDIBLY VALID. If you think they’d summon a container of lube, GO HOG WILD. But… tell me your reasoning. I GUARANTEE that the reasons for the lube are more interesting than the lube itself is. ;)

THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK

(if we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended: that this cloud is very stupid and inconsequential and I am wasting my own time by shaking my fist at it)

#good omens #ineffable husbands #old man shakes fist at cloud #transdimensional extraplanar sex or go home #totally inconsequential pet peeves #ignore me #i have too many opinions about stuff #Anonymous #meta

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ineffable-endearments · 5 years

Text

Crowley and Aziraphale, 3 loyalties, and existential anxiety

I’ve been thinking about the tension between Crowley and Aziraphale.

I could not type that with a straight face because the truth of the matter is that I am always thinking about the tension between Crowley and Aziraphale.

But really, there is even another tension besides Heaven vs. Hell. It’s Earth vs. Alpha Centauri. Fighting vs. running.

The world vs. Crowley.

Aziraphale had some inkling that Crowley was sort of…giving up a bit, I think, at the time that he found Agnes Nutter’s prophecies. They’d just had a very interesting day which had culminated in Crowley shutting down a couple of Aziraphale’s ideas for trying to neutralize the Antichrist (without requiring either of them to do the killing, if it came to that).

But Aziraphale was still completely shocked when Crowley mentioned just fleeing the planet entirely. You could tell he thought about it. He was tempted. Perhaps was amazed that Crowley actually felt that kind of dedication to him.

But it also terrified him. Crowley was essentially separating from Earth, splitting Aziraphale’s already-tortured loyalties again. It’s the thing that pushed him from “you can’t leave. there’s nowhere to go.” to “there is no ‘our side’! not anymore!”

As someone who is maybe a bit of a slacker but DOES fundamentally feel a sense of responsibility, Aziraphale is set on staying here to see through whatever happens with the Earth. It’s easy for me to decide that this sense of responsibility is built-in simply because the Earth and its people have intrinsic value, and I'm sure that’s part of it. But also, Aziraphale existed before the Earth, and would theoretically exist afterwards; he wasn’t even really counting on growing this attached. His responsibility started with the job he was given by Heaven, and his affection became deeper as he spent time here bonding with Crowley. I think Earth was a place where existence all came together for Aziraphale, in a way, where his God-given purpose united him with his favorite being (Crowley) and the first experiences that ever brought real joy (human society). So it’s not just about how much he likes Earth, although he certainly does. It’s an existential issue. To dismantle that is to dismantle himself.

And what about the fact that this means Crowley was willing to just instantly choose Aziraphale over everything else? Everything in creation? When things got bad he didn’t want to take any chances; he just wanted to take off with the person who mattered to him the most. I think it started when Crowley gave up on his job; he likes being a troublemaker, in a way, but he’s not like…committed to the destruction of humanity. In fact, he doesn’t WANT to see that happen. But he’s never been cast in the role of a guardian, and probably doesn’t think he really can be. God kicked him out and Hell sucks (and Heaven also sucks anyway), so Crowley is floating around with relatively little meaning aside from what he gets from his...just plain experiences. He’s very human, in that way. And those experiences, like Aziraphale’s, are centered on Earth, but he allows himself to recognize that Aziraphale is the common thread holding those experiences together. He’s willing to accept the end of everything but that thread.

Aziraphale, on the other hand, has NOT given up on his job yet. He thinks he’s still a servant of the Great Plan, Guardian of the Eastern Gate. He’s suspicious of Heaven but hasn’t yet been unmoored from what he thought was his original purpose. Aziraphale cares as much about Crowley as Crowley cares about him; if he didn’t, there wouldn’t be a thermos of holy water in Crowley’s flat. Frankly, the Arrangement would likely never have come to be at all. Crowley is the common thread for Aziraphale, too, but things are inherently more complicated for Aziraphale. He can’t pick up and run away.

Because of all this, Aziraphale really, really wants Crowley to see Armageddon through with him, but he also doesn’t want to put Crowley in danger. And as long as Crowley is here on Earth, still technically aligned with Hell as far as Hell is concerned, Aziraphale is dangerous to him. In that case, it’s easier to just break up - remove himself, the Dangerous Thing, from Crowley’s life entirely, and do not encourage him to get involved any further.

(A slight aside: this is evidence that Aziraphale still does not comprehend how much he actually means to Crowley. Given how much Heaven tends to crush the individuality out of its subjects, he probably doesn’t believe he’s allowed to want to be wanted that much, certainly not by someone who could interfere with Heaven’s plans.)

It’s also easier for Aziraphale to say no to Crowley’s proposal if he himself believes that their separation is final. Crowley is wonderful at convincing Aziraphale to do things; it’s one of the many qualities Aziraphale appreciates about Crowley, really, his brilliant wiles. Crowley can rules-lawyer Heaven until it’s okay for Aziraphale to do whatever he wants. But breaking arbitrary rules is one thing. Abandoning Earth, the place that made them who they are, is another. Aziraphale doesn’t want that temptation looming over him - because it is a real temptation.

The crux of the issue is that Aziraphale had thought he and Crowley had a common goal - to keep the world turning. That was their “side”. By suggesting they run away together, Crowley defected from that “side”. This is the deeper meaning of “there is no ‘our side.’” And by offering to leave the planet, it probably felt a bit like Crowley was willing to unravel the very thing that had brought him to Aziraphale in the first place. It’s why the suggestion that they should run away hurt Aziraphale even though it was a demonstration of love, and it seems like it should have been a nice thing. It was a rejection of two things that were central to who Aziraphale is: Heaven and Earth, although Crowley didn’t think of it as a rejection (just like suggesting that Crowley could come back to Heaven was a rejection, in a way, although Aziraphale didn’t think of it as such).

This is why “I lost my best friend.” “I’m so sorry to hear it.” is so painfully stilted. Aziraphale is genuinely sorry that Crowley is in pain, but he’s confused. There are about eight layers of meaning to sift through, even if you assume that Aziraphale knew Crowley was talking about him (which I don’t think we do know for certain).

At this point, Aziraphale doesn’t know that Crowley thinks he’s dead. He knows Crowley took Aziraphale’s breakup seriously, but then Crowley, like, double-broke-up with Aziraphale loudly and in public, so what’s up with that now? And what exactly does Crowley mean by ‘lost’ his best friend? THAT sounds a bit like a death. But he’s not dead! And how could Crowley know Aziraphale got discorporated? There’s a bit of joy in the fact that Crowley is still here, but there’s also danger, and did Crowley just admit he gave up on living because Aziraphale wouldn’t leave Earth? That’s heavy. Is Aziraphale’s rejection going to literally kill Crowley? But how was Aziraphale supposed to know that when he was trying to save the world and Crowley said he was going to leave him behind and forget about him?

We don’t, as the kids say, have time to unpack all that.

Anyway, they’re both here now. Saving the world becomes saving each other again. The Armageddon stuff happens; Crowley is proven right about Heaven, Aziraphale is proven right about humans. Crowley faces up to Hell like Aziraphale had to face up to Heaven. Aziraphale decides once and for all that he’s not Crowley’s hereditary enemy. And he asks Crowley to choose the role of a guardian, and Crowley chooses to have faith - not in God, but in a human boy.

Now they share a bench (the same one that had been occupied before by two happy lovers). The artifacts of Armageddon sit between them, but the human delivery man takes those artifacts away. And they have to figure out where to go from here. Quite literally where to go - the bus is coming. By suggesting a return to the bookshop, Aziraphale brings up the possibility of maintaining the status quo. We know he doesn’t really want to be aligned with Heaven anymore - he made clear his frustration with their behavior and embraced the Bad Angel identity - but does he have a choice? Your headcanon may vary, but I would say that by suggesting the return to the bookshop, he was consciously asking whether he still had a choice.

Not whether he had a choice between Heaven and Earth (he’d already made that one), but whether being on Crowley’s Side was still “on the table,” so to speak. After all, they’ve been through a lot just now, including a couple of decisions that were forced by Aziraphale, and before that, they’d had a huge fight. Aziraphale had always meant to come back to Crowley, but after all that, he needs to see if Crowley will still have him the way he’d suggested in 1967.

This version of Crowley doesn’t have an intrinsic sense of hope, per se. That was probably taken from him long ago, with the fall, and that’s why he was willing first to flee and then to lie down and die when the odds started looking bad. But he is gentle, not so deep down, and positively brimming with love and forgiveness. And imagination! With all of these in his heart, he extends the invitation to be on Their Own Side once again.

And Aziraphale accepts. I think he knows Crowley has agreed to stay with him as much as he’s agreed to stay with Crowley. It’s a choice they’ve been working toward for centuries.

#good omens #good omens spoilers #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #anthony j crowley #ineffable partners #mine

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