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#it's just that. between my family and my partner's family. it feels like no one knows just how smart i am and how much fun i can be.
whateversawesome · 2 days
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Spy x Family Chapter 97: An Old Love Story
Okay, say it with me: FOIL!
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You can see it too, right? Looks like Martha x Henry (Henderson)'s story is a foil of Twilight and Yor's story.
Henderson was in Twilight's place; the smart, lonely young man so focused on his ideals that he was blind about who was in front of him and his very own feelings.
Martha was in Yor's place, the strong and graceful girl too young and inexperienced to know her own heart and that she was in love.
This is exactly what's happening with Twiyor, the main couple of the story, and I think we may get to see one of the possible endings for our beloved Twiyor through Martha and Henderson story.
Now, what do we know about these two 🤔...
We know that Henry Henderson has a daughter and a son-in-law. It was mentioned he writes to them, but there was no mention of his wife. This leads me to believe that:
His wife is no longer alive.
He lives with his wife, so there's no reason for him to write to her.
He is divorced.
So, with this information we still can't know what's the current relationship between Martha and Henry, but we can take a guess 😉
From the way the story is being told, it almost feels like it's a semi-tragic love story, doesn't it? We can almost assume that they didn't end up together...or did they?
Theory one: Yup, everyone is right and Martha and Henderson eventually went their separate ways for reasons we'll probably get to know in the next couple of chapters.
If this theory is right, I think it's beautiful that they are getting a second chance 💖They certainly look more mature, confident, and calm (also elegant!). I love the way they look at each other, so much trust and love 😌
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Theory two: I know this one is a long shot (and Henderson just said in that panel that "She is merely and old friend") but maybe...they're actually married. Why am I so bold to even consider that possibility?! Well, there's this panel:
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The matron is clearly teasing Master Henderson, don't you agree? If she does it, it's because she knows something. Either she knows that there was something between those two in their youth or she knows they are married. I don't know, but they way she said the word "partner" and the fact that Master Henderson is married made me think that Martha is his wife. I know, I know...it's a remote possibility, but you have to remember that marriage is mentioned a lot through different characters and couples during the story, so maybe those two were actually married. (But, it's quite possible it's theory one).
Other things to consider...
How long have Ostania and Westalis been at war?
My guess is that we're talking about two different wars between the same countries; very much like WWI and WWII, where there was a brief period of peace before a second conflict. So, probably the first war started while Henderson was in his 20s and the second war started when he was in his 40s (and Twilight was a kid).
It makes a lot of sense that now they're in a period of "Cold War", just like in real life.
The Garden
I am convinced that the Garden is involved in this. I've talked about this before (read it here). After this chapter, I still think the Garden is going to pop up. Want some evidence?
Do you recognize this guy?
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That's right 😏 That's Matthew McMahon. What is he doing there? Too much of a coincidence, don't you think?
And also the way this is phrased:
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Odd that there was a mention of the word Garden, isn't it? And the fact that the whole story between those two takes place in a garden...🤔
In addition to that, in a previous chapter, Twilight observes how Martha moves like a soldier. Franky mentioned earlier that Garden people are like soldiers. And the Garden has a history of recruiting young skilled/strong people, like Yor. Things keep adding up.
The Consequences of War
This is a prevalent theme throughout the whole SxF universe: how war (violence, intolerance, manipulation of information, propaganda, politics) has affected the life of all the characters.
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No matter their background, nationality or education, we've seen it again and again with most of the characters big or small, like Twilight, Franky, Sylvia, Millie, and now we're about to see it with characters from an older generation like Martha and Henderson.
My guess is that this won't be the last time and this pattern will continue while the story lasts. I think what the story is trying to show us is how war is seen by some (politicians and men in power like Desmond) as a natural, inevitable course of action, but at the same time how brutal the consequences are in the smallest stories. That's one of the things that is truly remarkable about SxF.
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utterlyotterlyx · 1 day
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ooo i have an idea
just something fluffy where reader loves hugging azriel because he always wraps his wings around her? maybe a little comfort fic after reader and az go on a rough mission together
Your wish is my command x
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You Are My Shelter
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Azriel x Fem!Reader
Summary - No one can comfort you like Azriel can, and after a mission goes wrong, you need him wrapped around you more than ever before.
Warnings - blood, injury, angst, lots of fluff and comfort, happy-ish ending
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It wasn't a rare occurrence for you to accompany Azriel on the odd mission. He would never admit it, but you, his mate, was definitely his favourite partner.
You were quick and nimble, observant, and you held yourself with a feline prowess that had him awestruck each time he saw you prowling through a woodland or the bridge of rooftops clad in your matte black second skin and hugged and kissed ever single curve of your body.
Azriel may have been the Spymaster of the Night Court, the King of Shadow, but you were death incarnate, his Queen.
Though, he and your shared family saw a side to you that no enemy would ever be able to catch a glimpse of. Deep down, beneath that harsh exterior, you were the softest thing any of them had ever encountered, and as Azriel lingered back, watching you stalk along the rooftops of Windhaven, did he know that as soon as you reached the cabin that you called home, would you beg him to hold you, to wrap you up in his arms and furl his wings around your form.
It was your favourite thing in the world, your greatest comfort. Despite knowing of his largest than most wingspan and the certain benefits of it, there was nothing you loved more than to have his wings curl around you and block out all of the negativity of the world. As long as you were with Azriel, nothing bad could ever happen to you.
The situation hadn't been so different that night you had met him and your entire life had changed.
Azriel had been your target once upon a time, the one you had been sent to trail, to learn more about, and the moment you laid eyes on him, the tug you had felt in your soul for your entire life had become unbearable. The feeling didn't stop you from doing what you needed to, sauntering after him down the dark alleys where he stalked, sticking to the shadows of his shadows and going by unnoticed.
It was easy to tell how surprised he was by you the moment he had found himself pinned beneath your body, unable to move as could only watch as his shadows danced to the rich tone of your voice.
The infamous Shadowsinger had heard of you, the assassin whose reputation superseded his own, born in Autumn and the personal spy of Beron himself. Azriel should have been disgusted by you, but as your eyes connected and he saw that gentle fire spark within them, he knew that you had no other choice, no other option but to do what you did best. Kill. Azriel could sympathise with the notion.
Beron's assassin was his mate, and there was no way that he was ever going to let you fall back into the clutches of Autumn, he knew what Beron would do if he knew of the bond between you.
Fond eyes followed you, you could feel Azriel peering upward past the treeline as you hopped from beam to beam, not wavering for a single moment, even when he appeared behind you on that thatched rooftop.
"Don't throw me off of my game, Az," your voice was low and tinted with warning as it sang to him, and he had to reign his shadows in from dancing toward your melodic tone. They had a job to do too.
There was no way that you were going to refuse to stay cooped up in your cabin in Velaris whilst Azriel hunted the males who had took it upon themselves to continue to barbaric act of wing clipping.
Rain pattered against the wooden beams and thatched roofs, the gentle sound of it covering the sound of your cat-like movements as you searched every home, every clearing for a sign of those males, excited to tear them apart for even thinking that they could harm a female and get away with it.
"Oh, I wouldn't dare," he purred softly to you, his blue siphons dimly glowing in the night, the rain plastering his hair to the sides of his face.
Azriel ran his callused fingers through his locks and looked to you, "You're extra cold today, my love," he motioned to you, namely to the mask you had put on that evening, a mask that even he found intimidating, so gods help anyone else that crossed you that night.
Damn him.
Twin blades idly twirled in your gloved fingers, you had unsheathed them from your thigh holsters the moment you had landed on the thatched shelter, just in case any Illyrian male was stupid enough to attempt to meet you there. Countless moments had gone by when Azriel had watched you take down men three times your height and build, you were as quick as the speed of light, your agility was something that even he couldn't stand against, and he loved you for it.
He had finally met his match and found his equal in one fell swoop.
The tight coronet that Nesta had styled for you glistened in the moonlight, two thin slices fell over your face and they whipped against the breeze as you turned to face him, "I'm just feeling extra broody today is all."
Azriel cocked his head to the side and smirked, too entranced by you to notice his shadows slithering up his legs and coiling around his thighs, "You're due on your cycle soon."
Your eyes narrowed and you took a single step toward him, the beam creaking under your weight but you didn't falter, you didn't wobble, your balance was pristine, "That has nothing to do with it."
Silly moments like that were what made you happy, how, even in the midst of a mission, he could still find ways to tease you and make you smile. Azriel opened his arms to you, his wings unfurling from the tucked back place behind his back, inviting you in, "Do you need a cuddle?"
You could never say no to that.
The resolve within you fractured and fell, and you wasted no time in sheathing your blades, shrugging innocently, you told him, "It would be rude to deny you the comfort."
"It really would."
Azriel was too focused on you, on your bright eyes and curled lips to notice his shadows darting about in warning, and he didn't realise until it was too late.
A metallic tang tinted the air, and you inhaled sharply, stumbling backward a couple of steps before your foot slipped and you were sent tumbling off the beam. Azriel dove off after you, he didn't waste a second, he saw the pain twist in your features, but he wasn't quick enough, and you landed on the ground with a sickening thud, a soft cry flew from your lips.
Arms were around you instantly, his fingers were flittering around the arrow that was burrowed into your shoulder and the nausea hit you like a horse as all of the fire within you vanished from your body. Footsteps thundered from all around you, but you couldn't pinpoint the exact direction of their origin as your world span.
Muffled words enveloped the world where you lay, "Get out of here, Az. They're coming."
Azriel knew it, he could hear their shouting and stalking footsteps, and he cursed himself and his siphons for meddling with you whilst you were so high up, so vulnerable to their arrows. Azriel had stolen your focus.
Faebane held a putrid scent, it had always made his nose burn and crinkle, he clasped your face in his hands, noting your weary eyes that were getting heavier by the second. The arrow was protruding from your shoulder and he could smell your blood mixed with the poison, there was a lot of it, you were loosing too much too fast.
"I'm not leaving you here," he hoisted you up in his arms, cooing soft apologies as you groaned in his embrace with every turn his shadows barked at him to take, half of them scouting ahead whilst the other half wrapped themselves around your wound, applying pressure and doing their best to keep you comfortable, "Eyes on me, Angel."
The sound of his desperate plea gave you enough strength to keep your eyes open, you fought the darkness as hard as you could until you felt the hope that you'd gotten far away enough for Azriel to stretch his wings and soar into the skies.
It was usually a thing you loved, flying with Azriel, he made any excuse he could to take you flying, just so that he could hold you close to him. Not like he needed any reason at all to touch you, but he would always find one.
You had never felt so weak, or so stupid, or so helpless in that moment. Azriel held you close, pleading at you to keep you pretty eyes open, to stay awake, and you tried, you really did, but it was too hard.
Only when Azriel landed in Velaris did your consciousness jolt, purely due to the sound of his roaring voice shouting for Rhys who had appeared moments later with Madja in tow, commanding Azriel to place you onto the bare table thanks to Nesta's quick sweep that sent an array of plates and glasses crashing to the floor.
Sickly paleness clung to your skin, sweat coated your brow and you were shivering so violently that your teeth were rattling in your mouth, and your gaze shifted to Madja whilst Azriel told Rhys, Nesta, and a newly appeared Cassian what had happened with a strained voice.
"Is she going to be alright, Madja?" Rhys' voice echoed, he felt so far away, but from the stoic hand he had rested on your forehead, you knew he was much closer than you thought.
Madja was silent for a moment, her lips were tight as she pulled the arrow from your torn flesh, sympathy flashing in her eyes at the powerful cry that she had pulled from your lips, "She's lost a lot of blood," that much was clear from the red coating the tabletop, "But she'll be fine," Azriel was by your side, releasing a breath he didn't realise he was holding, pressing his lips to your hairline and stroking the matted hair away from your face.
Gauze become embedded into the wound, coated in a healing tonic that made you hiss and trash in Azriel's grip when it touched the gaping hole in your shoulder, and Madja worked as softly as she could as she wrapped thick white bandages around it. Madja left with strict instructions.
Rest. Fluids. Comfort.
Rhys hadn't even finished thanking her before he saw Azriel cradle you in his arms from the corner of his eye and whisk you to the room you two had shared before you had moved to your little cabin in the woods.
He had never been as gentle with anyone like he had been with you, you placed you onto the bed like a feather, pressing a cold cloth to your forehead to cool you down and rid your brow of sweat before he peeled his own clothes from his body and fell into the comfort beside you.
Weakly, you reached for him with trembling fingers, wincing as he pulled you into the position he knew that you needed. Head on his chest so that you could listen to his heartbeat which was racing in that moment, with your fingers tracing serene circles into the muscles of his pecs as his own hands wound around you, his wings drooping over your frame and binding you in their warmth and protection.
"I'm so sorry," he voice was wounded, strained with guilt, his fingers found the back of your neck and he worked slowly to unpin the coronet Nesta had styled for you, dropping the pins to the floor and unwinding the braids as you sighed softly at the tightness diminishing.
A hoarse hum rumbled at your lips, "It's okay, Az," you shivered again and he pulled you in tighter, being careful not to cause you any pain, and his wings curled tighter around your frame, waves of warmth seeped into you and your relaxed, "I'm here, I'm okay," your voice was a hush above a whisper, laced with exhaustion.
"I love you so much," his shadows grazed over your skin, and for a moment you believed that Azriel's hands were roaming over you, but they weren't, it was his shadows waving across every inch of you that they could, soothing you, cooing to you, "Go to sleep, Angel. I'll be here when you wake up, and we can spend all day like this tomorrow. How does that sound?"
The smile that graced your lips was peaceful, your lips parted to answer and Azriel waited, but when soft snores filled the room, all he could do was rake his fingers through your hair and swear to himself that he would never dare to put you in such danger ever again.
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Author's Note
Just a little post-work drabble for you all x
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monster-disaster · 2 days
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[wolf-shifter] Rome + NSFW Alphabet
wolf-shifter!Rome x human!Reader Warnings: smut
Summary: Let's get to know Rome a bit better.
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A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)
Rome is mushy and pussy-drunk after having sex with you. Taking care of you when you are still trembling and breathless is mostly about him caressing your heated skin while his knot is still inside you, stretching your walls and keeping his cum where it belongs.
"You were so good, sweetheart," he hums next to your ear while you are on his chest, half-asleep. His warm breath fans over the soft curve of your neck and shoulder. "Can't wait to see you with my pup. You will be so pretty." Even the thought is enough to make his cock twitch in your pussy for another round.
B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)
He doesn't really have a favorite body part when it's about himself, but he is pretty content with the body he has, human or wolf form. He loves the fact that he is strong enough to protect you and manhandle you anytime he wants.
Rome is a simple male. He loves everything about you. He lives for those moments when you are close to your climax, and your eyes become unfocused while your swollen lips open with a hoarse moan. He loves your tits, of course, and your ass and your pussy and everything he can touch and kiss and caress.
C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)
No matter how much he loves seeing you covered in his cum, his desire to start a family with you is much more urgent.
"Come on, sweetheart," he coos while keeping his gaze between your thighs. He watches his cum leaking out of your pussy, making a mess on the white sheet under your body. "You have to keep it inside to make it work." A slow grin pulls on his face. "The more of my cum you lose, the more I have to fuck you to make up for it."
D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)
He doesn't have secrets. Rome is more than happy to tell you every dirty thing he does or thinks just to see your reaction.
E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)
Rome is no womanizer, but he can play with your body like he would with an instrument. He knows how to make you tremble in his embrace and drive you wild with desire.
F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)
Call him boring, but doggy style is what makes him feral every time he has the chance to pull you underneath himself.
Your fingers dig into the mattress under you, trying to keep yourself grounded while Rome's chest against your back pushes you deeper into the white-hot delirium that weighs down your mind. One of his large hands is on your hips while the other gropes your breast. Your nipple is hard and sensitive in his palm. The wolf-shifter's cock moves in and out of your messy cunt with rapid speed. "Fuck, love," he grunts breathlessly. "Cum for me, sweetheart, milk my cock."
G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)
He can play and joke around at the beginning, but his desire for your warm, pliant body takes over his brain rather quickly.
H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)
In his wolf form, Rome is covered in thick, dark fur that works as a furnace every time he holds you in his arms.
I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)
Rome is an intense lover. He can be romantic, but overwhelmingly so. He pushes you until he is your whole world in that moment.
J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)
Before your relationship, Rome touched himself regularly while imagining you. Now that you two are together, he doesn't really feel the need to masturbate.
A thin layer of sweat glistens on his naked body while his chest heaves with pleasure. The image of you spread out on his bed, covered in his scent lingers in front of his eyes. "Fuck," he grunts breathlessly. His still half-hard cock is in his hand with your cum-soaked, stolen panties around his shaft.
K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)
Breeding kink with some humiliation.
"This sweet pussy is mine from now on," Rome growls into the curve of your neck, nipping the soft skin with his sharp canines. "I'm gonna stuff it full of my cum until you scream." Waves of arousal run along your spine at his words. While your mind is still unsure about your demanding relationship with the shifter, your body is desperate for more. "Come on, sweetheart," he breathes into your ear, pushing his erection to your center. His shaft slides over your wet slit. "Beg me to fuck you, love. I want to hear you scream for me." You are paralyzed by the sheer intensity of the male above you. Your mind is a desperate mess. "Say it," Rome demands. "Say you want my cock in your pussy. Tell me you want my seed inside you."
L = Location (favorite places to do the do)
He prefers the privacy of your home and the comfort of your bed with your scent all around him.
M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)
He is a horny, desperate male who waited long enough for you. No matter what you do, it turns him on, and before you can blink, he is all over you.
N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)
He says no to anything that can be dangerous for you.
O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)
Both. Both is good.
No matter how many times you give him a blowjob, the wolf's reaction is the same. His mind goes blank the moment he feels your lips around his erection, sucking him deeper into your throat while your tongue slides down on his shaft until he is soaked in your saliva.
And he feels the same every time he has the chance to settle down between your legs with his face in your pussy. His claws dig into the soft flesh of your thighs to keep them in place around his head. His long tongue licks over your slit, prodding your throbbing clit before going down again to push into your hole while you shake and plead underneath him.
P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)
Rome often tries to be slow and sensual to savor the moment with you in his arms, but it never lasts long. He is an intense lover. He likes to play rough while manhandling you easily, and the male knows it makes you excited, too.
"Fuck, love," Rome groans close to your ear while holding your legs down in a mating press position. "You like this, don't you?" Your pussy started milking his cock the moment he grabbed your legs to put you the way he wanted you while bullying your tight hole without slowing down.
Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)
As it was said before, he is a horny boy. He needs quickies to keep his sanity during the day.
"It's okay, sweetheart," he grunts, pushing down on your back to keep you against the kitchen counter. The throbbing head of his cock glides over your already wet slit. "I will be quick. I promise."
R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)
The shifter enjoys trying out new things with you, but usually, you are the one who comes up with new ideas.
S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)
Usually, by the time Rome is done with you, you are delirious and half-conscious. He can go until you are a sensitive, begging mess, and he finds pride in it.
When it comes to his heat or rutting season, you are excited and scared at the same time. Days can go by without barely any sleep because every time you are ready to rest a bit, the wolf is already on you, chasing his release.
T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)
He is not against toys, and if you buy one, he is happy to try it out, but he prefers using his fingers and tongue on you.
U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Rome loves taunting you during dirty talk, but he doesn't have enough self-control to edge you or deny your orgasm. 
V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)
He is a wolf-shifter. He is not loud but intense with all the growling, groaning, and moaning.
W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)
His desire to make you the mother of his pups is not just a kink. He really wants to start a family with you. He helps and supports every way he can during your pregnancy, and if you decide to go back to your career, Rome is more than happy to stay at home and take care of everything else. He is a great parent and a loving partner.
X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)
In his wolf form, he is even taller. Rome is lean, with hard muscles and dark fur all over his body. His cock is long with a slight curve that reaches every sensitive spot in you and a thick knot at the base that fills you up to the point you can't think.
Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)
He has a high sex drive, especially during his rut. When his mind is clouded by his desire for you, the man becomes unstoppable.
"Rome!" You groan, holding onto the edge of the bed with every intent to get up while his arm is heavy and firm around your middle. "Just one more time," he hums, letting his tongue lick over the soft curve of your neck. His erection rubs against your thigh as he rocks his hips desperately. "Just one more, and you can go," he lies. "I promise."
Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
He always makes sure you are asleep before he closes his eyes after sex. Usually, he doesn't have to wait long since he tends to fuck you half-conscious.
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WIBTA for not telling my partner about the other people I'm with when I plan to break up with him soon?
I (19) and my partner (18) have been together for a few years. We are polyamorous, to be clear. His only thing is that he wanted me to let him know & let him meet any new partners of mine. However, for the past year and a half or so, he's barely been around. I'm lucky if I get to talk to him for maybe an hour per month. So in the past 4-ish months since I have had other people ask me out, I haven't gotten to tell him much more than letting him meet 1 of them and telling him there was others I wanted him to meet. And even there, I'm not entirely sure he got the memo that these were my *partners* and not just people I was close to.
However, I know this relationship isn't going to last longer. From the beginning, my friends, other partners (not the same as the ones I am currently with, although my other current partners also hate him) , and family + therapist have said my relationship is not healthy or even abusive and want me to leave him. But I never had the strength to walk away. I loved, and still love him, too much. He's made it clear that if I left, he would be completely alone, and feel isolated. That's not something I want to do to him. On top of that, although he hasn't done it in several years now, at the beginning of our relationship he would regularly tell me how finding me saved him from suicide, how he would be gone without having found me. Treated me like I was his reason for surviving. I know he didn't mean that in a bad way, but it still stuck with me, and a part of me worries for what will happen if I leave. Plus, he knows everything about me. I don't believe he would, but I know if he wanted to he could easily make my life hell, and that makes it terrifying to try to walk away from him.
So I'm not sure when we actually will break up. Just that we will. He's talked about breaking up himself before, but when I suggested we just get it over with since clearly neither of us where happy in this relationship, he said it "wasn't time yet". So I'm just kind of waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Which makes me worry I'll be the asshole and cheating on him if I avoid telling him about my other relationships because I know ours is going to end. It feels heavy to tell him, between knowing we aren't going to keep being together, and the fact that he never reacts well to my other partners. Despite insisting he's okay with my polyamory and my relationships when I ask, he seems to almost always act aggressively when he meets my other partners. He acts rude towards them, and very possessive about me, often even siting how he was "here first". That's not something I want to put my partners through, especially not for someone I know is going to break up with me. Plus, a part of me feels guilty. Even though it's not going against boundaries, and I do really love all the people I'm with and do everything I can to make sure they all know that and feel loved and respected by me, it feels like I'm doing something wrong by being with so many people at once. It makes me feel ashamed to face my partner and go "hey so I'm with all these people too now! They all asked me out within the past 4-5 ish months yeah!" and like I'll have to find a way to justify it otherwise it'll look like I don't take our relationship seriously and am cheating.
WIBTA?
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utilitycaster · 14 hours
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(I haven’t watched C3 in a while (the party had gotten back after being split into two after Vax got orbed) so my info is a bit dated)
I often wondered about how little info there is about Orym’s husband known to the party, how little has been asked or shared.
And I get that BH is very different from M9, BH tends to be very non-confrontational and doesn’t poke at others pasts much, but we do have another character who had a dead spouse: Yasha.
And M9 did know about Zuala because Yasha shared it and they knew little things like she likes flowers and they gave tribute to her when they could. The mural, the flowers, the remembrance and asking if Yasha would share her stories.
And I dunno, maybe I’m not remembering right, but there hasn’t been much of the same with Orym. I feel like most of what I know about Orym and his dead family comes from monologues or times when Liam sets aside a character moment to act solely. Orym doesn’t share, the party doesn’t ask and some of it feels like because a Orym has often has to defend himself against the Pro-Vanguard debates.
They had to go to Zephrah to get to know more about Orym’s dead family and a lot of that info came from NPCs!
I dunno. I haven’t seen the show in a while but I felt it when more then 50 episodes passed and still felt a difference between how gently Zuala was treated and remembered vs how Will is only brought up to prove bad guys are bad guys with only Orym trying to keep his memories in a soft place.
Hi anon,
I actually disagree with most of this! I think the fandom has a lot of issues with Orym, which I'll talk about below, but I do not think Bells Hells are dismissive of Will. I think the reason it comes up is very simple, namely, the manner of Will's death is core to the conflicts and factions within the campaign, whereas Zuala's death is obviously a huge factor in Yasha's backstory, but the Mighty Nein are not dealing with the Dolorov tribe in any capacity. Will's death, is, in fact, a symbol of the Ruby Vanguard's brutality and callousness as well as Orym's husband within the narrative; whereas Zuala is just Zuala.
I don't think Bells Hells has been particularly unfeeling towards Orym with regards to Will and Derrig's deaths when they come up, nor do I think their discussion of the Vanguard is borne of not caring. I think that the Vanguard's harm is particularly real for some party members, and until FCG's death just now it felt a little bit more distant for others. I think the conflict in-game stems from that: when you combine how viscerally real the threat of the Vanguard is to Orym and the way it's not so direct for others (and, obviously, that Imogen's mother holds a position of power within it) and also consider the characters' differences re: how they bring up (or don't bring up) difficult topics, you get some painful conversations! When I say I understand why Orym might not want to talk to the rest of Bells Hells because this is a topic of discussion, I don't think the rest of Bells Hells are bullying him or being deliberately unkind; I just think that there's a lot of misunderstanding and hurt feelings. When Will has come up as a topic of his own - and the conversations I specifically remember are with Chetney in the Heartmoor and with Fearne and FCG at Will and Derrig's graves - those party members have always been incredibly kind and supportive. It's the fact that his death is fundamentally a political one that adds a wrinkle, and that wasn't how Zuala figured into the party.
I also would add as an aside that the Mighty Nein did ultimately have a much more open arena for discussion, as witnessed by them eventually bringing up the possibility of partnering with Trent; that feels far more analogous to the discussions about the Vanguard than anything regarding Zuala, since the issue isn't ultimately "dead spouse", but "organization that is directly responsible for causing a character's life-altering trauma for the purposes of conquest and deliberately stoking unrest." I think there's a number of reasons why the Nein are able to do this, notably that the first time anyone considers it, it is very much a guarded thing; that no one but Caleb is personally impacted (whereas Imogen and Orym are placed at odds solely by their familial connections); and that it comes much, much later after the party has spent months clearly detesting Trent, so there is an increased sense of trust from Caleb.
Now, the fandom is a different story. Or rather, it's more similar than you think. The CR fandom (and probably others, but this is the one I've observed) has, since I started lurking in mid-2018 and actively participating about a year later, always had its share of people being extremely weird about grief. Some of it is shipping motivated (people who didn't like Beauyasha claiming Yasha wasn't ready and was too hung up on her dead wife; people who don't like Dorym or who resented the fact that Orym was resurrected before Laudna claiming either Orym isn't ready or, more chillingly, that he'd be happier dead). Some is not - I've mentioned before, but my favorite member of Vox Machina is Vex, and after I finished Campaign 1 I started looking for Vex content (again, this is mid-2018) and was inundated with "what if she can't braid her HAIR because she's too SAD because Vax is DEAD." Even now, I must admit, I look askance at the people claiming the throw to the Crown Keepers is good because it's a break - I don't think you need a break, unless you're extremely uncomfortable with grief or strong emotions! The first Campaign 2 episode I watched properly live (at least to the break) was episode 27 specifically because I wanted to see Beau and Caleb and Nott deal with that death now and didn't want to wait until Friday morning. I'm going to a concert this Thursday and won't be able to watch live and I can tell you what, I'm watching the back half of episode 93 Friday morning and the Crown Keepers half when I get to it, because this is what interests me, and it's fine if it's not what interests you, but someone you love is going to die one day and I have found that working through this through fiction lends a lot of meaning and catharsis. This is not, in fact, an unusual position; I highly recommend finding Liam's tweets from after Molly's death, and reading Ashly's essay about losing her partner, which she had written earlier but shared at that time as well. A core part of experiencing grief is that there is no break; there is only time.
In short, grief is complicated and unpredictable and it is indeed a part of Yasha and Orym (and no shortage of other characters) and will always influence them and be a part of them while also not serving as an end to their lives, and I think many people struggle with that. I suppose usually the response is more sympathetic within the fandom as it is towards Orym (though as discussed various fans used it to sideline Yasha's desires, to sand away Vex and Keyleth's ambitions and genuine excitment to live and grow, and don't get me started on Caleb or Vax). But it's always been a problem.
Ultimately, I think the reason Orym is treated so coldly is that, again, there's always been an issue within fandom of treating one's favorite characters as unimpeachable and any conflict with them or discussion of their flaws as a violent affront; but it does feel particularly pronounced in this campaign, particularly with regards to any obstacles (real or perceived) to Imogen or Laudna. [I could write an entire history of this campaign because it started with Laudna being The Untouchable One and only flipped to Imogen around the time of the solstice.] Hence such statements that, I truly cannot stress enough, I would rather give up internet access forever than admit to harboring such callousness within my heart as "Orym would be happier dead because his husband is dead" or "He has an obligation to recuse himself from discussions surrounding the Vanguard because he cannot be objective, a thing that is normal to expect of people with emotions and experiences and possible to achieve." (The latter really does pose a fascinating loophole. If the Vanguard just senselessly kills one or two family members from everyone's family then no one can oppose them, because it would then be biased and motivated by revenge. Life hack! It also reveals a pretty fundamental hypocrisy; if Ludinus is a Calamity survivor, maybe he should also be recusing himself! What's the math on how many people directly connected to you must be killed for your opinion to be right and good, rather than wrong and subjective?)
I think all of the above is, while, as discussed immediately above, not objective in that I'm a human being with personal experiences and emotions, fairly self-evident. I'll conclude by going into something that is within the realm of opinion, but I think is relevant to the discussion.
I personally believe the Vanguard's methods are sufficiently vile so as to cast doubt on all of their goals, but even if one doesn't, I find the idea that the Predathos should be unleashed and the gods should be killed is, ultimately, short-sighted, deeply self-centered, ahistorical within the canon (ie, unsupported by the text both in terms of canon events and, if we're counting them, appeals to emotion and authority - not terribly useful in real life, but very much the truth in a D&D actual play narrative), and a far less interesting story to boot. I think it would be devastating on a cosmic level in-world and that "oh it will sort itself out, probably" is perhaps the reddest flag one can wave in such discussions. So I do think that while Orym is acting on the basis of emotion, I also think he's right, and so the callousness is, as I've said elsewhere, a last-ditch effort by those with no capacity to construct a meaningful argument, because they think he's wrong and pointing out he's acting on the basis of emotion is their only ammunition to discredit him. At best I think the people who are arguing that the Vanguard is cruel but their cause is just have an extremely poor understanding of the setting and the specific narrative structures of this medium. Which isn't to say some of Bells Hells might not still make that choice, though Imogen telling Orym "I want you to know that that for a while it may have felt that you and I were not seeing eye to eye or maybe you felt that I, I didn't have the same goal in mind that you did. But don't worry about that anymore, all right?" in the wake of Liliana's conversation and the death of their only divinely-aligned friend feels rather indicative of their direction. But I do not think it is a choice defensible on the basis of morality; only defensible on the basis of "something a very hurt and angry and damaged person might choose to do."
People are specifically like this towards Orym because he is the mouthpiece for an opinion they don't like but ultimately cannot meaningfully argue against, and part of his justification in-world is the death of Will. While there was no shortage of people who hated Yasha, either for "die for our ship" reasons or your normal Reddit Bro misogyny, Zuala was mostly irrelevant to that discussion, hence the difference in how they're treated.
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bellyasks · 1 day
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Your prompts are god teir, seriously. Anything for a fit and seemingly well controlled character not used to bloating/stuffing themselves getting into “tummy to capacity from various misfortunes” concepts? Bonus for clothing complications :D
i loveeeee this trope so much u have no idea😭😭😭 i feel like im not even doing it justice rn but Im Doing My Damnedest
🖇️ Your character has a bad habit of working through their lunch, neglecting meals in favor of getting things done. A couple of their friends decide to take matters into their own hands and pull your character away for a big meal, not letting them off the hook until they're convincingly stuffed.
🧁 Your character has just eaten, and they're feeling pleasantly satisfied. A colleague insists that they try something they've baked, though, and won't take no for an answer, leaving your character feeling a little more than full.
🥪 Your character gets dragged out to lunch with a few colleagues and leaves a little more stuffed than they'd typically be. They're ready to get back to what they were doing when somebody else whisks them away with plans to gossip over lunch, talking too much about their own drama for your character to have a chance to say they already ate.
👯 Your character has an impressively small capacity, and doesn't generally eat much when they're on their own. When they're eating with friends, though, they wind up getting talked into/feeling pressured to eat more than they usually would.
👵 Your character has been invited to a friend or partner's house for dinner. The other person's family seem concerned that your character is far too thin (whether they really are or not) and insist on giving them seconds and thirds, not satisfied that they've eaten enough until their belly is visibly straining the buttons of their shirt/causing their shirt to ride up.
🏪 Your character typically brings a homemade lunch to work, but today they don't have one. Maybe it got stolen or ruined somehow, or maybe they just had a hectic morning and forgot it. Anyhow, they have no choice but to run out and pick something up on their lunch break, and whatever they get proves to be a bit much for them. They do their best to hide how stuffed they are, but between their visible discomfort and how snug their outfit looks around their middle, their coworkers can definitely tell.
🥣 Your character is a master of small portion sizes, at least when they're cooking for themself. When a friend has them over for dinner, however, they're served a much larger portion than they're used to, and, out of some mixture of politeness and pressure, they do their best to clean their plate.
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cleverthylacine · 5 hours
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Ship and HC what you want--but I hate Ravage & Soundwave parent-child headcanons so much. I'm finally gonna say it. They can be adult best friends rather than lovers, but the family thing makes my skin crawl. Here's why.
The following is just my personal opinion. Everyone who reads this is free to engage with it, but I don't want to fight about it, and I am not trying to make anyone give up their headcanons, whether those are romantic, sexy, familial, or just friendly.
(The Ravage I write in my fics and RP, like ES Ravage, prefers she/her pronouns. I am aware that Ravage uses he/him in other continuities.)
I am really freaking uncomfortable with most of the common familial headcanons about Soundwave and Ravage, Soundwave and his cassettes in general, and the whole cassette thing. And I will also die screaming before I tag erotic content between two fully sapient beings as "bestiality".
I would rather think of Ravage and Soundwave as bonded lovers (and the birds as her siblings) then think of Soundwave as either of the following:
An Abusive Father who sends his own children directly into the heat of battle out to fight as child soldiers; or
A Large Adult Son who allows his parent and her siblings to be mutilated so he can drag her off into places like mining colonies and war zones, where she ministers to his emotional needs while also fighting for him in the heat of battle, and has no life or relationships of her own.
Because no matter how many cat memes you draw, neither of those things is cute. You have the right to ship whatever you want to ship same as me, but I don't want to read either dynamic.
He is NOT the single father of the year if he's yeeting his children onto battlefields.
He is NOT a good son if his mother is telepathically linked to him, programmed so that he can yeet her out into battlefields in less than a second, and unable to have any romantic or QP partnerships of her own.
If he is her lover (conjunx) or her QPP (amica), and the meeting they had in Rodion was a meeting of two neurodivergent adults who learned how to help and support each other in dealing with their disabilities, and they both want to be together even in the depths of hell, then they have a much less horrific and unhealthy relationship.
I was once made to play IDW Ravage as not Soundwave's partner in a dreamwidth game because they didn't like the ship, and she was a miserable, unhappy person who had given up her entire life to serve Soundwave and Megatron.
This really solidified my feelings about not just why I think their relationship is romantic and adorable, but also why I think a parental relationship between them, going in either direction, is incredibly fucking gross.
Making them mutually interdependent neurodiverse adults with complementary support needs, who love each other in a mature way or even an 'adult' way changes the narrative.
If Ravage is Soundwave's life partner, then the forced cassettification has imposed a power differential on them, but it is significantly lessened by the fact that they were already together and interacting as grown-ass adults who loved each other before that took place.
In other scenarios, she's being thrown by her father up against mechs 4 times her size, OR she's a devoted parent who has been emotionally enslaved by cassettification and can't even have an adult relationship of her own because who the hell is going to want to be her partner knowing that she has an unbreakable telepathic link with her son? And you can't really say she's trading this emotional labour for protection when he's yeeting her out into the front lines every third episode.
IDK, I think glorifiying parents who send their children to war and enmeshed parenting that renders someone an appendage to their child is a lot less problematic than letting them meet as adults and learn how to help one another.
Every time I see someone draw humanformer Soundwave and Ravage as a collared pet, I want to scream, but I don't, because everyone has the right to write and draw what makes them happy.
My friends know NOT to send me links to art that diminishes Ravage.
Ravage may look like a cat, but she passes the Harkness test, and her entire arc in IDW was about getting people to respect her as an equal despite the thing where she looks like a cat.
Her brain and spark are equal to that of any other Cybertronian. It's not bestiality. There's no reason a telepath would care more about the shape of her body than the feel of her mind.
I would rather think that she's getting love and respect and hot overloads from Soundwave than think that she's selflessly devoted to him and to Megatron for all of her days until Tarn locks her into that fucking refrigerator. Or think that she's a child soldier.
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non-un-topo · 8 months
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Talking to my sister can be one of the most aggravating experiences
#just allowing myself a few moments of self-pity today#because i'm a little overstimulated/sick of people talking AT me#i have begun to notice that i'm never asked anything... not a single thing. no questions about my life or interests or how school is going#no questions about my partner or our anniversary and no acknowledgement of the big haircut i just got#no questions about my BIL's wedding. none about my health.#every day it's just people talking AT me. kind of tired at the moment...#and this is made worse by my sister's holier-than-thou attitude about literally the smallest and most insignificant things#like washing clothes? and cooking rice?? idk she talks like a housewife now.#and i get to listen to her complain about her 35 year old boyfriend and not say ONE kind thing for 2 hours straight#not a single question for me. not a single nice thing. and i'm talked over constantly#it's not like i don't raise my voice or speak my mind lol#it's just that. between my family and my partner's family. it feels like no one knows just how smart i am and how much fun i can be.#my partner is perfect in so many ways. my best friend and the kindest and most compassionate person i know.#but i really could brag and boast like my sister does over absolutely nothing. because i have actual achievements. but i don't#because who does that lol. fucking annoying and rude people.#maybe my family just thinks i'm okay and so they never ask me anything or call me. ever.#but see.... i don't talk to them because i want advice or help or money. i talk to them because they're my family#and i would very much like to feel cherished and loved by them#/ end angst and self-pity boo hoo
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Similar to the other post I just made but I need to scream it again into tumblr because I want to: MY PARENTS ARE SO AMAZING you guys if you think people from different generations can’t understand us (especially queer people) that’s not true my parents are literally the best
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maddisandy · 6 months
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everyone has some pretty reasonable dynamics and then there's soleil and gale
#plum charas#detailing in tags#soleil and astarion consider each other partners and equals beyond just lovers#but i went by the chart for this one rather than changing things for them#soleil did find amusement in gales nerdy flirting and thought it was cute but when given an ultimatum he chose astarion#gale got very upset about tav and astarion dating in my game after flirting with them constantly#so for a short period of time things were kind of awkward between them#but now they consider each other like close family friends (gale still likes soleil but respects their feelings)#halsin and soleil consider each other friends. both are attracted to each other but halsin moreso than soleil#jaheira and soleil consider each other friends but they didn't bomd as much as everyone who was around earlier (esp origin charas)#still they hold each other both in high regards and respect for each other#karlach and wyll both are very good friends to soleil. however i found them late in act 1 (i didn't know where to find them before) and by#then i already had much more relationship built with the party i was running with (shadowheart laezel and swapping gale and astarion#depending on the fight and if i need another spellcaster or a mobile melee)#plus i had kitted laezel to be my tank and soleil is already a warlock so i really didnt have them in my party except to do their personal#quests#but i still got pretty high approvals from them so theyre still very good friends#karlach went to avernus with wyll in my playthrough so i like to think every once and awhile the pop back up on the prime material for a hi#and vice versa with soleil and astarion finding a way to avernus to say hello#soleil also had a small puppy love crush on wyll but it was mostly attraction since they didn't persue anything#laezel and shadowheart are both very best friends with soleil and laezel still keeps in contact using the rary bond ring#both liked soleil in early game but soleil admitted they were nblm so they weren't interested back#laezel still feels admiration for them as a leader and helping in freeing orpheus and aiding laezel however they can against vlakith but#doesnt oersue for obvious reasons. shadowheart just overcame her feelings and treasures their friendship more#and sorry to minthara but i killed her. whoops#over all i like to think everyone (especially the origin charas) (minus minthara ofc) meet up regularly for reunions at whoevers home to#catch up and be together and very found family vibes. plus with the rary bond ring they can still talk whenever theyd like anyways#because im a sucker for found family#i also have my headcanons for everyone dynamics together outside of tav but. for another time#a very pan rambles set of tags
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beeseverywhen · 9 months
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god the duality between 'I don't want someone in my house' and 'yeah I'd like my own kids and no way I'm doing that alone'
#like ppl who don't want kids should be free to live their lives without ppl being like 'watch out! your biological clock is ticking!'#that's bullshit ppl shouldn't say that. but also. i would like kids and#after so many years trying not to get pregnant and that seeming like a worst case scenario. so desperately wanting to not become my parents#now i am an age where I'd happily have a kid if i were in the right life situation & i don't feel I've got all the time in the world anymore#lol like. the space in between 'too young to have a baby' and 'old enough that i risk more health issues/ will be an older parent'#feels way way narrower than i ever would have assumed lol. esp. because all the parents in my family are so young. the idea of being an#older parent is so strange to me. I'm so aware of the things you can't do when you're older and how it's harder work to run after them#and like my body is already wearing out way faster than anyone elses. my health's only gonna get worse so.#being an older parent just doesn't seem an option. not to mention like. the older i am the less generations I'll get to see.#i want to be a great grandmother damnit. lol.#like I'm on a clock. to get over my commitment issues or it legit won't happen. but yeah. can't think of anything worse than having#to have someone in my house. if i was rich enough to have lots of space that's one thing but. I'm not lol.#and rich ppl rub me up the wrong way whenever they try and chat me up so doubt I'm gonna marry in to money looool#like i have come to terms with the fact that. if it doesn't happen it doesn't happen. id rather not get to be a mother than to settle#like that whole 'looking for a partner' dating life is not for me i can't think of anything worse. if it happens it happens#I'll either meet the right person who im willing to give up an empty house for or i won't looool#and it's not like im giving up the whole raising kids thing completely.#like I've got to play a significant hand in raising my siblings even if i didn't ask for that. I've got to see them grow and#help them reach those milestones. and whatever the circumstances I'm blessed to have had them in my life#even if i don't have my own kids I'm always gonna have kids in my life even if I'm an aunt rather than grandmother you know#I'm lucky to be in a family where raising kids is a communal thing. but yeah id love to have my own kids & have someone that looks like me#but I'm not willing to bring someone in to the world in non opportune circumstances deliberately.#like if it's up to me i want them to have 2 parents to look out for them and 2 parents that at least stand a chance of liking each other lol
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sick-bay · 1 year
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personally i like bromance-y stuff so much more than romance.
i can't really explain why (i mean, i probably could pull something deep out of my ass but i'm too tired for that rn (i kinda lied, i added my main reason into the tags)) but also i'm just not a big fan of shipping in general and simply prefer platonic relationships.
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cookinguptales · 1 year
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So I’ve been enjoying the Disney vs. DeSantis memes as much as anyone, but like. I do feel like a lot of people who had normal childhoods are missing some context to all this.
I was raised in the Bible Belt in a fairly fundie environment. My parents were reasonably cool about some things, compared to the rest of my family, but they certainly had their issues. But they did let me watch Disney movies, which turned out to be a point of major contention between them and my other relatives.
See, I think some people think this weird fight between Disney and fundies is new. It is very not new. I know that Disney’s attempts at inclusion in their media have been the source of a lot of mockery, but what a lot of people don’t understand is that as far as actual company policy goes, Disney has actually been an industry leader for queer rights. They’ve had policies assuring equal healthcare and partner benefits for queer employees since the early 90s.
I’m not sure how many people reading this right now remember the early 90s, but that was very much not industry standard. It was a big deal when Disney announced that non-married queer partners would be getting the same benefits as the married heterosexual ones.
Like — it went further than just saying that any unmarried partners would be eligible for spousal benefits. It straight-up said that non-same-sex partners would still need to be married to receive spousal benefits, but because same-sex partners couldn’t do that, proof that they lived together as an established couple would be enough.
In other words, it put long-term same-sex partners on a higher level than opposite-sex partners who just weren’t married yet. It put them on the exact same level as heterosexual married partners.
They weren’t the first company ever to do this, but they were super early. And they were certainly the first mainstream “family-friendly” company to do it.
Conservatives lost their damn minds.
Protests, boycotts, sermons, the whole nine yards. I can’t tell you how many books about the evils of Disney my grandmother tried to get my parents to read when I was a kid.
When we later moved to Florida, I realized just how many queer people work at Disney — because historically speaking, it’s been a company that has guaranteed them safety, non-discrimination, and equal rights. That’s when I became aware of their unofficial “Gay Days” and how Christians would show up from all over the country to protest them every year. Apparently my grandmother had been upset about these days for years, but my parents had just kind of ignored her.
Out of curiosity, I ended up reading one of the books my grandmother kept leaving at our house. And friends — it’s amazing how similar that (terrible, poorly written) rhetoric was to what people are saying these days. Disney hires gay pedophiles who want to abuse your children. Disney is trying to normalize Satanism in our beautiful, Christian America. 
Just tons of conspiracy theories in there that ranged from “a few bad things happened that weren’t actually Disney’s fault, but they did happen” to “Pocahontas is an evil movie, not because it distorts history and misrepresents indigenous life, but because it might teach children respect for nature. Which, as we all know, would cause them all to become Wiccans who believe in climate change.”
Like — please, take it from someone who knows. This weird fight between fundies and Disney is not new. This is not Disney’s first (gay) rodeo. These people have always believed that Disney is full of evil gays who are trying to groom and sexually abuse children.
The main difference now is that these beliefs are becoming mainstream. It’s not just conservative pastors who are talking about this. It’s not just church groups showing up to boycott Gay Day. Disney is starting to (reluctantly) say the quiet part out loud, and so are the Republicans. Disney is publicly supporting queer rights and announcing company-supported queer events and the Republican Party is publicly calling them pedophiles and enacting politically driven revenge.
This is important, because while this fight has always been important in the history of queer rights, it is now being magnified. The precedent that a fight like this could set is staggering. For better or for worse, we live in a corporation-driven country. I don’t like it any more than you do, and I’m not about to defend most of Disney’s business practices. But we do live in a nation where rights are largely tied to corporate approval, and the fact that we might be entering an age where even the most powerful corporations in the country are being banned from speaking out in favor of rights for marginalized people… that’s genuinely scary.
Like… I’ll just ask you this. Where do you think we’d be now, in 2023, if Disney had been prevented from promising its employees equal benefits in 1994? That was almost thirty years ago, and look how far things have come. When I looked up news articles for this post from that era, even then journalists, activists, and fundie church leaders were all talking about how a company of Disney’s prominence throwing their weight behind this movement could lead to the normalization of equal protections in this country.
The idea of it scared and thrilled people in equal parts even then. It still scares and thrills them now.
I keep seeing people say “I need them both to lose!” and I get it, I do. Disney has for sure done a lot of shit over the years. But I am begging you as a queer exvangelical to understand that no. You need Disney to win. You need Disney to wipe the fucking floor with these people.
Right now, this isn’t just a fight between a giant corporation and Ron DeSantis. This is a fight about the right of corporations to support marginalized groups. It’s a fight that ensures that companies like Disney still can offer benefits that a discriminatory government does not provide. It ensures that businesses much smaller than Disney can support activism.
Hell, it ensures that you can support activism.
The fight between weird Christian conspiracy theorists and Disney is not new, because the fight to prevent any tiny victory for marginalized groups is not new. The fight against the normalization of othered groups is not new.
That’s what they’re most afraid of. That each incremental victory will start to make marginalized groups feel safer, that each incremental victory will start to turn the tide of public opinion, that each incremental victory will eventually lead to sweeping law reform.
They’re afraid that they won’t be able to legally discriminate against us anymore.
So guys! Please. This fight, while hilarious, is also so fucking important. I am begging you to understand how old this fight is. These people always play the long game. They did it with Roe and they’re doing it with Disney.
We have! To keep! Pushing back!
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learn-and-accept · 3 months
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#so yesterday I learned that i got invited to my partner's ex's baby shower and that shit feels so fucking messy#it is a bit weird they're still friends with their ex but they started out as friends and they're really close to her family so i get it#and they all know about me and her ex's mom even invited me on a ski trip so i feel really welcomed but it definitely feels messy#although im really glad that wasnt the first time i meet a bunch of people close to my partner because that shit seems overwhelming as fuck#i know it's gonna happen and i do want it to happen but fuck that shit is so scary#ive never had to do the whole meet your partner's family/loved ones before and i am nervous as fuck#though my girlfriend ended up meeting my mom and step dad like 2 months into dating so i guess meeting her people 4 months in is pretty fair#idk i think im just nervous im gonna fuck something up or they're gonna hate me#and then there's that added layer of it being their ex and her family#but im very secure in my relationship and i know there's nothing going on between them anymore and im not even worried about#it just feels weird to meet the person your partner loved before you and be worried about their opinion of you#because it does matter to me#i want them all to like to me or at the very least not dislike me#and honestly i think the only part that really concerns me is that the person who's basically a second mom to my partner is also her exs mom#like im essentially replacing her daughter#and i know that's probably not fair or even how she thinks of me and it's probably just my anxiety because she seems like a wonderful person#but it feels like i already have a strike against me#idk i think im just hormonal and insecure and tired and im definitely making this into something it shouldn't be#im just terrified of fucking this up because i love & care about my girlfriend so fucking much & i dont want the people she loves to hate me#i dont ever want to put her in a position where they feel like they have to choose between me and her found family#anyway this ended up spiraling lol#but honestly my relationship is going really well and im very happy with my incredible partner and she's truly my favorite person#they are so kind and considerate and funny and smart and truly one of the best people ive ever met#i feel so safe and loved and i am so happy to have her in my life#im just so used to people leaving me and having all the good things in my life end up crashing and burning down around me#and im so scared that's gonna happen#and honestly it might#i just really hope it doesn't because my life is so so so much better with them in it#personal
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nakmor-leigh · 8 months
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