#it's fine tho! i can always decide not to go to the cinema. i did book a seat jic but i could just call and say hey my bad i can't come | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

crystaljins · 4 years

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Popcorn

Characters: Hoseok x Reader

Word count: 3.1k

Synopsis: You just want to watch a movie. Hoseok just wants you to rest. Secret agent!au.

Notes: Lovely @lilliaflurr requested Hoseok + Popcorn and I am SOFT for Hoseok cuddles. Like you know that video where Jungkook bangs his teeth on the mike and Hoseok gently cups his face? Or when Tae is sleeping and Hoseok gently kisses him? Yes, he would be good, good cuddler. But I also needed a bit of angst. Like salted caramel, it enhances the natural sweeetness.

Warnings: Mention of violence, surgery, being in hospital. OC is like blatantly checking Hoseok out THE ENTIRE TIME. It’s mostly just cuddling tho.

Hoseok is pretty even when he sleeps. He has long lashes that fan over sweet, rounded cheeks and lips that purse into a heart when he smiles. His hair is soft and falls into his face and his expression is so unguarded. You are surprised that he has fallen asleep beside you in the bed but the warmth and safety of his body against yours is not unwelcome. It is a rare sight to see Hoseok doing something as vulnerable as sleeping next to another human. Although, you suppose that after so many years as partner, you are not just another human to him. Especially after what he has just endured for you. You frown as you examine his face with more scrutiny- a bruise sits ugly on his jawline and the corner of his lip is cut and swollen.

Tentatively, you reach up to brush the errant strands of hair that fall into his face from his brow, exposing the smooth skin of his forehead. His lashes flutter at the ticklish sensation, and then soft but sleepy brown eyes peer at you curiously.

“You’re awake.” He says, and the words are so hushed they are almost whispered, like a secret that hovers between you. You don’t answer, instead choosing to trace your fingers wonderingly across the sharp edge of his jaw. How can he be so pretty? “You should be resting.”

He wraps long fingers around your wrist and gently tugs curious fingers from their journey across his face. You frown- you had wanted to memorise the planes of his face and the shape of his skin beneath your sensitive fingertips. You can’t chase away the feeling that it could all vanish at any moment if you don’t.

“I’ve rested plenty already. I’m ready to face the world, go partying, celebrate my discharge and all that jazz.” You say dismissively trying time tug your hand free, but your arms are weak and floppy. In such a short amount of time you’ve lost so much strength to your body. Tomorrow, you will start physio sessions to rebuild your strength, but tonight Hoseok had insisted you remain at home following your discharge from hospital. He had promised a movie night to keep you entertained but you had been so sleepy on pain meds after he helped you hobble into the apartment that he had insisted you go to bed right away. You vaguely remember being sleepy and delirious as you tugged on the fabric of his shirt to keep him beside you as you slowly nodded off. Now that you are more awake, you do not feel ashamed of your actions. The bed is far too wide and cold without him there beside you. He must have fallen asleep while keeping watch over you as he has taken to doing ever since you were hospitalised, but now you are both awake.

“Let’s watch a movie like you promised. We could go to the cinemas!” You cry excitedly. You shift and wince when you feel pain lance up your side. Hoseok’s eyes fly open and all traces of sleepiness leave his form. He shoots up into a sitting position and places a tender hand over where the bandages wrap firmly around your abdomen.

“Does it hurt?” He demands and he sounds like he’s the one who is hurt, rather than you. Alarmed by the reaction, you mutely shake your head.

“It was just uncomfortable when I moved.” You say. “I could feel the stitches pulling.”

Hoseok pulls an interesting face as he lowers himself back down so the he is once again lying beside you. He rolls himself onto his side so that he is staring at you. The expression vanishes as he smiles gently at you but the memory of it lingers. It is the same expression he had pulled when you collapsed after being stabbed. Like the world is crumbling around him and he’s only barely managing to hold it together. The thought that he is clearly agonised by what happened has you reaching out to wrap your fingers around his in what you hope is a comforting gesture. He stares at your interlaced hands for a long moment before raising his eyes back up to meet yours.

“What if, instead of a movie, you took more of your pain meds and rested just a little longer?” He suggests hopefully. You shoot him a look that you hope portrays your distaste for the idea. You literally cannot sleep a moment longer- you were in hospital for an entire week and spent most of it drowsy and knocked out on very strong pain meds.

“Hoseok.” You say sternly, and he offers you a sheepish smile.

“It was worth a shot. Fine, we’ll watch the movie. But we’ll watch it here- I’m not wheeling your crippled ass all the way to the actual cinemas.” He says, getting up and stretching with a yawn. The movement causes the loose fitted jumper he wears to rise up, exposing the bruises that are scattered across his abdomen. You stare at them forlornly- he had not escaped this incident unscathed either. You remember how desperately he had fought to get the two of you out of that warehouse but in the end it had not been enough. He was sorely outnumbered and hadn’t seen the man coming at him with knife in time. You had though, and your body had moved of it’s own accord. The last thing you recall is Hoseok cradling you as you lost consciousness. You don’t know how he got the two of you out alive after that and you’re not sure you want to know.

His hand catches yours before you can brush your fingers along the ugly bruise on his waist. You hadn’t even realised you were reaching for it.

“Now, now,” he says gently. “You aren’t worrying about me, are you?”

He raises your hand and presses a fond kiss into the palm of your hand. Your face flushes hot- the press of his lips is lovingly gentle.

“N-no.” You stammer quickly, flustered by the intimate gesture. He smiles against your palm and leans in close. “I just thought your skin looked really smooth.”

“Good. Cause I’d have to direct your attention to this general area if you were.” He says, gesturing to your heavily bandaged midsection. He reaches out to smooth errant hairs out of your face and you find yourself struggling to breathe for reasons other than the knife wound in your abdomen. “Come on. Let’s go to the living room.” He says. He steps in so close that the tail end of his breath rushes over the sensitive skin of your neck and then hooks an arm beneath your knees and one behind your back.

“Wait, Hoseok,” you protest when you realise his intention to lift you up, bridal style. “I’m too heavy-”

“Hush!” He sucks air between his teeth to shush you. He offers you a sharp, stern look before tucking you in close to your body so that your ear presses against his chest. The proximity is enough to shush you as he attempts to lift you. You can hear the steady and comforting thump of his heart against your cheek. Hoseok groans in exertion before realising that you are correct. He cannot carry your dead weight. He smiles awkwardly.

“I told you so.” You huff.

“I’ve been too busy looking after you to hit the gym.” He counters. “Wait here. I’ll get your wheelchair.” He stumbles off quickly and leaves you to huff after him in annoyance. It also gives you a moment to process. He has always been affectionate but there is something intimate and tender about the way he is handling you right now. Like you’re precious and breakable. It feels like he’s holding his breath every time he reaches out to touch you and it’s doing strange things to your insides. Which is saying a lot considering you are still recovering from major abdominal surgery where they literally did strange things to your insides.

You suppose you can’t blame him, after what the two of you had just endured. You’ve never been through an ordeal quite like this one, even though you are his partner. You’ve been his eyes and ears out on the field for a long time, helping him complete missions through his comms device while you remain safely at headquarters, watching him through a monitor.

Despite your partnership with Hoseok, one of the top agents in the company, you’re not a field agent by any means. But you are one of the top agents when it comes to breaking past cyber security walls. And that had been your job for a newly formed crime syndicate with big plans to hurt a lot of people. However, despite your skill, it had become clear that the only way you were breaking past your next target’s firewall was by physically hacking their main computer. Hoseok had been vehemently opposed to the idea. And with good reason too- although you are subject to the same fitness evaluations and health checks that field agents are, you are not trained to be out in the field. Still, people were in danger and access was needed to that computer and so the higher ups had decided that you would have to go in. Hoseok would accompany you and you had tried to reassure him that it was just like the missions where he had to escort foreign diplomats through highly hostile territories. He had rather angrily pointed out that this was in no way similar.

And, just as Hoseok predicted, the mission had gone south very quickly and the two of you had been separated. You’d woken up bound with zip ties in a warehouse- the plan by the people holding you had been to interrogate you and maybe forcefully recruit you to their side.

It had only taken Hoseok a few hours to find you and raise hell in that warehouse, but it still hadn’t been enough. You were hospitalised for a week and you still don’t know what happened for Hoseok to find you and rescue you or what happened in the time between when you were stabbed and when you woke up after the first surgery. You can’t imagine the things Hoseok must have seen and done, all by himself, without the support of his partner. Your heart aches. You didn’t mean to leave him alone to face all that, but the two of you had been backed into a corner. And now this is the pathetic state you are in.

Hoseok returns, carefully guiding the wheelchair into your bedroom. You could probably walk the short distance through your hallway to the living room where the TV is, but it had been no easy feat to get you into bed in the first place. You wait anxiously as Hoseok slowly approaches. He crouches by the bedside, with his front facing your profile. He slides a hand across your back as he supports your weight. It is frustratingly difficult to get yourself into a sitting position. But it is nothing compared to the explosion of pain when you attempt to stand, even with Hoseok’s assistance. You wince and bite bck a noise when you feel your sutures pull. Tears fill your eyes quickly and Hoseok is watching you so carefully there is no way he misses it. You’re so pathetic. The only reason you’re in this state is because you’re so incapable- if you were a field agent like Hoseok, you would have been able to support him, instead of getting stabbed and leaving him to fend for himself.

“Perhaps we should take a break. Or I can get you more painkillers-“ he says quickly.

“I don’t want more painkillers.” You say and no one is more surprised than you at the way your voice wobbles and tears spill down your cheeks. “They make me sleepy and I’m sick of sleeping.” You inhale slowly, trying to stave off a sob. “I’m sorry. I’m not even sure why I’m crying-“

Hoseok interrupts your sentence by reaching out to catch a tear that slides down your cheek with the pad of his thumb. His expression is careful, like he’s holding back something, and he tilts your face towards him with a hand on your jaw.

“It’s ok.” He reassures you. “You’re high on pain meds and you’ve just endured a highly stressful ordeal. Anyone would cry.”

“You went through it too, and you’re not crying.” You say and he offers you a tight smile.

“Trust me, (Y/N).” He says, and for the first time, you hear the brokenness he’s trying to hold off on your behalf leech into his voice. “I want to be crying. Now, do you want more pain meds, or do you want to watch the movie?”

His reassurance comforts you.

“I want to watch the movie.” You answer in a small voice. He smiles, pulling up the sleeves of his jumper to his hands to wipe away the last of your tears.

“Ok. How about we watch it in bed instead? I’ll go get my laptop and make some popcorn. We can watch 10 things I hate about you because I don’t know about you but I’m sick of action movies.” That makes you smile and his expression lights up with his success. “Atta girl.” He leans up and you freeze as he once more does something out of character- he presses a gentle kiss to your forehead.

It’s not that you don’t like it. You do like it- you like him. It’s just that it’s confusing because you don’t know where it leaves the two of you. Is he being affectionate because he wants a romantic relationship with you? Is this just his normal self and you just feel more conscious of him than usual? Or did he notice your crush on him and feel obligated to act this way because you took a knife for him?

A thumb pressing into your wrinkled brow startles you out of your thoughts. At his touch you release the tension you didn’t realise you had been holding in your face.

“We don’t have to watch a romcom if you don’t want.” Hoseok teases lightly. “There’s no need to look like the world is ending.”

“It’s not that…” You say. “It’s just… you seem different, is all.”

“A bad different?” He asks sheepishly. He drops his hand and lets it rest on the bed sheet beside you. You stare at it, missing the warmth of his fingers on your skin. His fingers are almost as pretty as his relaxed face as he sleeps.

“Not a bad different.” you admit quietly. “A confusing different. We weren’t like this before.”

Hoseok doesn’t look at you as he reaches for your hands. He fidgets with your fingers and the sensation is unusual but pleasant.

“Before I didn’t know what it was like to lose you.” He admits quietly. “I’ve held myself back for a long time. We had to maintain professionalism and all that stupid crap and I knew you liked me but I wasn’t brave enough to say anything. But then our bosses decided apparently your life means nothing to them and I lost you not once but three...” his voice cracks and he clears his throat. “Three times. When they first took you.” His hands tighten on your fingers. “When they stabbed you instead of me.” He inhales deeply and when he looks at you, you notice the way his eyes are red-rimmed and there are dark circles under his eyes but he’s still so pretty. “And when.... and when you had to go in again. After the first surgery. So now… screw bravery. I’m too scared not to do anything.”

His vice grip on your hands is borderline painful. You twist your hands in his grip and his fingers go slack against yours. You take the opportunity to lace your fingers with his. You’ve always wondered what it would be like, to want to hold his hand and just grab it on a whim. It’s nice. To just have the urge and just follow it. To not have to stress about how he’ll interpret it or whether he’s annoyed by it. You wonder if he’ll let you kiss him.

“But Hoseok.” You call. He had dropped his gaze to your joined hands, but he meets your gaze once more. “I lived, bitch.”

You expect him to smile. The universe had literally aligned to allow you to make that joke but he just frowns at you with a deadpan stare. You grimace. He sighs and shake his head.

“I almost don’t want to say it now, but what I was going to finish by saying that I realised I can’t live without you.” He admits. But then he frowns. “Actually, you know what? I don’t mean it anymore. I take it back.”

“You can’t!” You complain. “No takesies backsies.”

Hoseok shakes his head and this time he can’t resist the smile that slides onto his face.

“Well then I guess you’ll have to learn to live with this ‘confusing different’, if I can’t take it back.” He says, smoothing his thumbs over the back of your hands and leaning forward to press a warm kiss to the curve of your cheek. “Now if you excuse me, I have some popcorn to make and a laptop to go find.”

He stands and grabs your wheelchair, preparing to move it out of the room. You stop him before he goes.

“Before you go,” You say nonchalantly, fidgeting with your bedspread idly. “You might as well kiss me properly, since you can’t live without me and all.”

He shakes his head as he turns around and plants a hand on either side of you. He leans in so close that all you have to do is purse your lips to meet his. Your lashes flutter as your eyelids close and you feel your breath catch in your throat in anticipation. And then Hoseok smiles and kisses the tip of your nose instead.

“Maybe when you’re not high on pain meds.” He tells you. “And you’re well enough to go to dinner with me without a wheelchair.”

“You could always hit the gym again and try carrying me. Then we could go out to dinner right now.” You point out, and he laughs.

“Not a chance.” He says, turning to leave you. You pause to admire the firm lines of his back as he leaves.

He’s pretty even when he leaves.

#btsboulangerie #hoseok x reader #jhope x reader #hobi x reader #jung hoseok x reader #bts fluff #writing #1000followersdrabble

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notwhoiwanttobeyet · 3 years

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imagine spending all your time and energy fantasising and dreaming about going back to school after summer break and discovering their is a new girl ™️ in your class who thinks you look lonely because you’re the quiet kid ™️ and so she sits down next to you and you introduce her to your friends who are all talkative so you know they’ll keep her company and then she’s sitting next to you in maths class and she mutters “oh gosh darn it,” and you’re like “you good?” and she makes EYE CONTACT AHWFHOAWF like she LOOKS AT YOU AHIWFBWAB and then you really, truly realise oh shit she’s absolutely beautiful and i am most certainly going to fall in love with her but lets repress all emotions like always :) and so she’s like “i just can’t seem to figure out how to do question 17 of the practise exercises!” you swivel in your chair to face her and you’re like “well let me help you,” because you think are eternally screaming and are trying to come off as some form of cool but you have crippling anxiety- you hope that your maths skills can impress her because surely, that’s something that would definitely impress this ✨QUEEN✨ of a girl. anyway being the A+ maths student you are, all those extension classes paid of because at this moment, you just helped this stunning girl. blah blah blah she’s like “aw thanks,” and you smile and are like “anytime,” because you’re not smooth. then you put on your todoroki kinnie playlist and repress all emotion. she sits with you and your friends at lunch break - they all seem to be getting along well surprisingly - but you know it’s only temporary and she’ll soon find out we’re weird and have a secret society that’s like a frat boys but feminists and then she’ll leave and join the nice girls ™️ because that’s always what happens. the next day she sits opposite you which is shocking but because you’re bad with ✨feelings ™️✨ you know she’s really pretty and you’re gonna fall in love with her but are in denial and are a confused mess. anyway, you like talking to her which is weird cause you’re not much of a talker. she continued to sit with you and your friends the next day. and the day after. for the rest of the week. and the next. and then you realise this could quite frankly be permanent. now you’re thinking it might be okay to get attached. rather than view her as a straight girl you like but will ignore her existence but she’s straight and you’d never have a chance with her (basically what happened with sophie who this isn’t about), you begin to open up to her as a friend would. she now sees you’re not the quiet kid and you’re actually maybe on crack but also serious and witty at the same time and stress about everything but are also the comedian of the group who makes everyone’s day’s a little better but is also ignored completely. she realises you are for sure a very complicated person with too many layers to count. and she doesn’t plan on unravelling them. yet. she’s invited to your next group picnic where the whole gang’s together. she sees how you walk in front of the group on your own on the grass to the side of the footpath, like you’re the quiet kid nobody notices but also as though you’re the alpha male ™️ who is leading the way. everyone else is chatting and laughing and seem to be paired up. “is she- like-,” the new girl says to two of your friends in particular that i’m gonna keep anonymous (e and n). “she’s- we never know,” one girl in particular that i’m gonna keep anonymous (e) responds, shrugging. they yell your name and you turn around, screaming a “YEAHHHH??” with a smile on your face. fascinating, new girl thinks. you continue to make sure everyone is paying attention when crossing roads and give everyone the all clear at every crossing. you arrive at your group’s regular 🐞picnic destination🐞 you welcome new girl, it being her first time at an offical group gathering. she feels valid, but she just smiles and says thank you in reply. you then seperate the group in half to plan the two supermarket trips so that half the group can go buy candy and drinks and chips and food we don’t need while the other half looks after phones and bags, etc. you ask who wants to go on the first trip with you and new girl says she will. you and your friends venture to the store. you enter the candy isle and once everyone’s busy choosing, you say you’re off to the fruit section if anyone wants to come. new girl looks to the others - n and c - mid conversation and says she’ll go with you so you won’t be alone. you two make it to the fruit section and spend the walk over laughing at yourself, explaining that you just like fruit and don’t know why everyone always laughs at you for being healthy 🤷‍♀️you then add in a sly i like your outfit, btw which makes her smile., but it’s true. it’s floral and she looks extremely pretty. she hesitates and then responds with “thanks,” and gives you a look like she’s asking if it’s a i like your style kind of scenario. you look away, pretending you don’t see it but you do and say “where do you think the others will be?” and bring up the story about how e ate a full box of ice cream sandwiches at the last picnic. fast forward, you’re all bonding having a good time at the picnic. you decide to take some group photos as always as a momentum. you take a whole bunch off photos of your friends with snapchat filters and L prompts for you, her and new girl to take a selfie, which you do. you tell everyone you’ll add the photos to the group story. then you remember new girl’s not in the story and ask if she has snapchat. she says yes and you scan her snapcode and it’s a mega score. you add her to the group chat and the story and take a photo of her when she’s not looking and send it to her. when she sees it she runs over saying “stop ittttt!” but in a cute kind of way. anyway fast forward you grow closer and you begin to trust her but your anxiety is telling you not to but you tell yourself to enjoy this while you have it. few months later you guys text like every day and you’re comfortable around her. and she’s part of the group and everything’s amazing and you can’t believe this is real. you did a group project together so things are clearly good if you’re trusting someone to keep your average up. one day you’re in class doing independent work. you’re listening to spotify and an add comes up for a new movie that’s coming out and you say something like “ohmygod i keep getting this one ad,” and new girl looks over and is like “omg yeah that movie, it looks good tho, have you seen the full trailer?” and you start bonding over this movie and you throw in the fact that you won’t end up seeing it most likely because you never go to the cinemas with anyone and then she throws in a me too. wait we should go together! and you’re like “yes omg,,,” and then you discuss how you’ll have to plan out all the details or you’ll have an anxiety attack and won’t end up going, which she says is totally fine. later that week you’re planning out the details and once you both report back with the all clear from your parents she promptly says it’s a date. and you freeze up in full gay panic because you’ve secretly been falling in love but you’ve been repressing the feelings because you just adore her company and you’re happy if friends is all you’d ever be. WIAT THE FUCK THIS SONG CAME ON AND IT SOUNDS TOO MUCH LIKE THIS FANTASY AHEWFHAWHIF. anyway, you hesitate cause you’re *gay panicking* and know she’s just joking, then you respond with lol you’re trolling and when she doesn’t respond you type her name in ALL CAPS twice and say YOU CAN’T- NO COME BACK WAIT- you’re so confused but your heart is pounding with excitement, like maybe, she feels the same. there’s like this sliver of hope that’s masking your brain, even if you know it won’t be true. you face time her. she picks up, looking like she’s dying eternally. she laughs as you scream “Y/N YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?” in like a friendly manner of course. and she laughs so much you’re like “ThiS iSn’T fUnNy!!” which makes her laugh more. you’re pretty sure she’s blushing as she covers her face with her hand. “you’re trolling, right?” silence. “do you want me to be?” you freeze. how the FUcK- i- howrespondtothat. you cover your face with your hand, breathe as she laughs and you say “are. you. trolling. please i’m going to die from heart failure, my brain’s about to explode!” when you get no response you smile and say, “it can be whatever you want it to be.” she smiles and blushes more, instinctively covering her face with her hands. “so it’s a date then?” she says. she’s still covering her face and you can see her shaking. you sigh, and then smile. “yes, it’s a date.” “cool.” “cool.” anyway i’ve already fantasised about the actual date and i’m getting too lazy to type the aftermath but fast forwards like a month later and you’re dating and you feel like you’re the happiest you’ll ever be and you want this to last forever. anyway this fantasy is your only source of serotonin and when you go back to school and this doesn’t happen, well, i don’t know, might as well die.

but yeah, who would do that.

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originaldanganronpascenarios · 4 years

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Hello!! If possible can you write a rantaro x fem! Reader? High school/hopes peak( you decide) au, fluff. Let's say that the reader is talkative and popular. Ofc you are free to decline!! And if you decide to do it, take all the time you need!! I don't mind at all:)

Tbh if I did decline a oneshot request or someone requests it when they are closed I would just do scenario instead.

But damn it could be much longer tbh... Like I could make it a 3-part story. But I kinda suck at writing Rantaro's character. Still hope you will like it!

3rd person POV

Ever since you have started high school you were making more and more friends and had pretty high reputation thanks to that. But there was this one boy you couldn't get to meet even though you were in the same class. His name was Rantaro. He was gone traveling for a month and a half. You were unsure where to since nobody provided you with that info.

It was pretty wierd to see him back again and his desk wasn't now allways empty. So it was your time to get to know him.

You approached him calmly "Hi" you had a smile on your face and his voice seemed a bit tired as he said "Hey there... Y/N was it?" nodding you smiled "And you are Rantaro?"

He chuckled "That's me... Do you need anything?" crap you didn't think this through. But you had quick idea on what to say "I noticed that you were gone for a while and I was wondering if you needed any help with missed schoolwork. I can send you all the notes" you offered and he chuckled "That whould be nice" you took out a pen and piece of paper and wrote your contact info and gave him it.

He jokingly announced "Wow first day here and I alredy got someone's number"

"Wow I didn't expect you to be a flirt but well I guess I shouldn't have judged you" you joked back but he didn't seem to get the joke

"Oh it's nothing like that. I just thought I could keep the conversation going with the comment. Guess I didn't think it through and it came out as it did huh?" he rubbed the back of his neck nervously laughing "It was fun talking to you no wonder everyone likes you"

You raised your eyebrow at the statement "How do you know that?" crossing your arms you became curious since how he possibly could know it. He pointed at one of the students in the classroom her name was Kaede "Me and her went to the same middle school and she just gave me some info about the school and kept me updated on what's up" Rantaro looked back at you and you realized something "Whouldn't that mean that you already have the notes?" you weren't mad but you wanted to know why he'd agree to you giving him notes if he already had them "Well you see I don't have the most recent ones and since you asked if I needed it I said yes" he shrugged "I hope I can use this number not just for school related stuff" he said while waving the little piece of paper you gave him earlier. You smiled at him "I also hope we can become friends if that's what you are suggesting" he nods "That's exactly it you got me" he slightly raised his both hands in joking manner.

"By the way do you need to see around the school? I mean I don't know this place too well either but it's better than nothing"

"Nah I'm good. I'll probably figure it out myself. But if you just want to spend more time with me I'll pretend I haven't said that" he chuckled. He sure does laugh often. Not that you mind since it's quite pleasant sound and it also lightens the mood...

"Well we can spend time in some other ways. For example you can te-" you were cut off by a bell. Funny even though your conversation topic was school you forgot that you were actually in school.

"I guess we'll have to finish this conversation later" he went towards his seat.

=> After class

As soon as bell rang yet again he approached me "So what you wanted to say earlier?" you tried to remember what it was "Oh right! You could tell me something about your travels. If you'd like to of course!"

"It wasn't anything big really nothing much to talk about" he was a bit nervous that you wanted to get to know him better but hey that's what getting to know each other is right? "Okay I won't push you but if you have any good stories from your trip I'd be glad to listen" you announced.

"I'll keep that in mind" he smiled at you. And then there was a bit of silence between you two normally you'd keep the conversation going but you didn't knew what to say at this point.

So you just agreed to leave the conversation. The rest of the day you didn't talk much and now that you think about it you didn't see him during any breaks either.

Untill it was time to go home you had plans with few of your classmates after school so you were in a hurry (since you got held back by one of the teachers) and you didn't notice when your phone fell out of your pocket.

The one who noticed that was Rantaro so he picked it up and yelled "Y/N you dropped your phone!" you turned around and saw him with your phone. He catched up to you and gave you your belonging back "Thank you" you took it from him and checked if it had any damage. Luckily it didn't but since you were in a rush you couldn't stay with him longer... Until you got an idea "Hey Rantaro do you mind joining me and few of our classmates today? We are going to the cinema but think fast cuz otherwise I don't think we'd get there in time" he just nods and the two of you managed to meet up with the rest on time (Kaede, Miu, Kaito and Shuichi)

"Took you long enough" Miu crossed her arms and noticed Rantaro "Oh nevermind I know what held you back for so long" she laughed and before she got to say anything Kaede cut her off "You could call us you know" she pouted. You were a bit confused "When I was about to head out-" you were cut off by Kaito "It doesn't matter now. I mean we all will be late if we don't get going now right?" all of you agreed and managed to get to the cinema on time. After watching the movie you just talked for a while while walking aimlessly and then getting some food. It was clear that everyone had fun and you got a bit closer to Rantaro.

Some time after you got back home you remembered that you had to send him the notes. You were a bit tired but it was just a few pictures. Beforehand though you needed him to text you since you couldn't do it yourself because you didn't had his number. So after some time you got a text from him.

Unknown number: Hey there! It's me Rantaro

You saved his number before responding.

Y/N: Hey ^^ so what are your latest notes? I'll send you everything you are missing.

He texted you back saying what he had. It took him a while so he probably checked it.

Rantaro: Sorry for late response.

Y/N: Nah it's fine! I mean I don't expect you to remember everything :p

Rantaro: I guess you are right ;;

Rantaro: Btw thanks for the invitation today was really fun! I hope we can continue to meet like this more often.

Y/N: Don't mention it! I should thank you for handing me my phone. I'm pretty sure I'd notice it when I got home.

Rantaro: Well you're welcome then.

Y/N: How do you like our class so far?

Rantaro: You all are pretty cool. Can't judge much because I didn't get to know most of the class. But I feel like it's going to be gr8 in the end.

Y/N: I hope so!

Rantaro: Can I ask you a question tho?

Y/N: Sure!

Rantaro: How often do you go out?

Y/N: Whenever someone has an idea where we can meet. Like for example the movie was Shuichi's idea. But so far we didn't have much trips.

Rantaro: Understandable I mean the school year bearly started and you just met most of the people if not everyone.

Y/N: Yup!

Y/N: But I hope you will join us often it was even more fun with you!

Rantaro: You think so?

Rantaro: Well I guess I will tag along from time to time then.

Y/N: Oh shoot I almost forgot to send you the notes.

Y/N: Hold on a sec

Rantaro: I'm not going anywhere.

You took pictures of your notes and send them to Rantaro.

Rantaro: To be honest I almost forgot about them too.

Y/N: Then it's good that I remembered it.

Rantaro: Yeah.

Rantaro: But I should at least look through them now so I'll text you later.

Y/N: okay see you soon

You looked at the time it was 6 pm. You talked with some of your friends and as time passed Rantaro didn't text you again. It wasn't a huge deal he probably had something to do or just forgot to text you. You checked the time again and it was... 8pm already!? You really did kill some time earlier...

You did your thing for the rest of the evening and fell asleep. You didn't get any text from Rantaro.

=> Morning: In school

As soon as you got inside the building Rantaro approached you "I'm so sorry I didn't text you. I had to take care of my sisters and one of them took my phone"

"Ah so that's what happened? It's okay I don't really mind it" but you did lowkey hope that you could talk to him more back then but hey now you can talk in person and there is always tomorrow so there wasn't any problem to begin with.

"Thanks for understanding" he awkwardly smiled. Together you went towards class and had a small chat along the way. You could see that he was still a little bit guilty that he didn't talk to you yesterday but you decided to let it slide.

=> few months later (second term)

You really got close. The two of you were best friends but there was a problem. He felt something more for you and was unsure if he should confess. Sure you knew each other for a while now but it still wasn't long time. You noticed that lately he was acting a bit off. Almost like he avoided you but each time you asked him about it he just apologized and said that he's just overthinking stuff he wanted to deal with alone.

And if he thought it whould get you to stop worrying... He's wrong and couldn't be even more wrong.

He was talking much more recently with Kaito so you asked if he knew something. You know that Kaito whouldn't lie to you and if he did you'd probably be able to tell. His response was pretty obvious "What? Somethin' wrong with Rantaro? I didn't see him acting wierd lately" his voice was more calm than his face expression. That's when the thought hit you "So he probably acts like this only around me... Or you are lying and know exactly what's up" crossing your arms you looked at him as he tried to avoid eye contact "I don't know really geez I know you are worried but I think he's fine" after his response you sighed in defeat "What if he doesn't like me anymore?" you started working this might be it little you knew it was exact opposite.

"There is no way he hates you! I mean why whould he?" Kaito raised his voice catching attention of few people but they ignored it in the end.

"I don't know it either"

"Then maybe don't assume things. I think that Rantaro whould just tell you if you were bothering him wich you aren't"

"How can you be so sure?"

"How you can't be? I mean you two spend a lot of time together so you should believe that he'd be honest with you"

"I guess you are right... I still don't get why he ignores me"

"I tell you don't worry about it" he placed his hand on your shoulder. It made you feel a little bit better.

You just decided to go with it becouse you tried talking to him but he always refused to answer. But maybe you are just overreacting and nothing actually was happening?

While you were at your train of thought Kaito went to look for Rantaro luckily you weren't around when he said "Dude did you seriously ignore Y/N? That wasn't what I ment!"

"I know... But I just feel like I'm scared honestly" he sighed "guess I'm just a coward huh?"

Kaito looked away "You are but you can still change it. I mean you really got her worried" he paused "I whouldn't be surprised if she was now trying to figure out what she did to make you avoid her"

Rantaro thought for a bit how you must feel "Fuck it" he stood up "I'm going to tell her now if she doesn't like me I'll just have to deal with it"

"That's the spirit!" Kaito gave him a thumbs up "Tell me how it went later"

"I sure will" he chuckled.

Instead of looking for you he wrote you a text.

Rantaro: Please meet me at the courtyard.

He was there before you and was really nervous. Thinking of what could go wrong and what could go right. Rantaro was ready for rejection but he of course wished you felt the same.

You finally got there and his heart was beating faster with each step you took towards him.

"I'm sorry" you said tearing up wich caused him to be confused "For what?"

"I don't know! For what I did that made you hate me?"

"What...? Y/N you did nothing wrong" he said as he hugged you in order to calm you down you could feel his fast heartbeat "I did" you were quiet so he could finish "I wasn't honest with you... For a bit long time"

Before you could say anything he almost whispered "I love you" you heard it clear even though it sounded like he didn't wanted you to hear it.

You didn't knew what to say. This led him to believe that you didn't heard him. He was a bit glad but it meant that he probably had to repeat it but you said "I love you too".

Funny you thought it whould be harder to say those words...

"So... Does it make us a pair?" he asked.

"Only if you want to" you winked at him and he chuckled "Then I guess I'll call you my girlfriend now".

~Mod Angie

#rantaro amami #danganronpa rantaro #drv3 rantaro

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mydiamondjustbroke · 5 years

Text

Can I kiss you? (Mista x Reader)

There’s this feeling inside you that can’t be properly described. All you know is that you love him so much it hurts, but you don’t dare regreting it not even for a second, hoping all this pain will lead to the sudden relief his touch will bring. But for now all you can do is gaze at his direction, wondering if you will ever have the chance to declare your affection, wishing there is a slight chance he’ll reciprocate. You wonder.

♫ Heaven - Bryan Adams ♫

It takes a long time until you realize you’ve been playing this song on repeat for at least 30 minutes, while staring at a crack on the plaster wall right in front of you. Narancia and Mista storm into the living room arguing about which bug would be more nutritious to eat and you quickly return to reality. “Caterpilars have more meat... It’s an obvious choice, Mista!” Narancia has a serious expression on his face as if he put a lot of thought into this, “But crickets are crunchy and easier to swallow, you can also cook it various ways... What do you think, Y/N?” “What about jelly worms?”, your answer makes Mista laugh, he’s not taking this as seriously as Narancia is. His smile makes you aware of your heartbeat and you feel your face overheat. “I told you she has the best ideas! That’s why she should pick the movie we’re watching today.” Narancia doesn’t seem happy about Mista’s sugestion, but goes with it anyway, “Fine, but I get to pick the movie next time”. Mista hands you the VHS tapes and you pick Reservoir Dogs. “Whoa! Nice pick!” Mista is excited for tonight’s movie session, “7pm, my room, ok? Don’t forget!”, he says it as if you could, “I’ll be there” you try too hard to contain your excessive excitement, not really sure if you suceeded.

Needless to say you were counting the hours anxiously until it finally arrived. 7pm. You walk up to Mista’s door and knock 3 times, he opens it before you could knock a fourth time, not that you ever would. “Bem vinda a minha casa”, he bows welcoming you to his room “Grazie, ospite” you playfully reply, making him giggle. His room is not very illuminated, but the big TV screen makes up for that, there’s potato chip bags and sweets in the carpet “I got this for you... You know... For survival purposes.” he handles you a bag of jelly worms with a big smile on this face, you freeze for a moment, that was unexpected “Thank you... I tried getting those crickets but it was out of stock” you regret saying this the moment it came out of your mouth, he bursts into laughter “You always have the right answers. That’s so cute...”, you gaze into his eyes, stunned by it’s beauty. Mista reaches for your hand and guides you to the carpet where the snacks are “Hope you’re ready to watch some Tarantino.”, you suddenly remember “What about Narancia?” he shrugs “Sleeping...He said he was tired and needed to rest” “Oh...too bad” trying your best to sound as convincing as possible. Mista pops the VHS tape in and the movie starts.

Thank god you were in his room because you both wouldn’t stop talking and reacting to the violent scenes, you would probably have been kicked out of the cinema if you were there. At certain point Mista stopped reacting and stayed in complete silence, you turn arround and realize he is sleeping, He looks so peaceful and quiet you felt like you needed to check if he was still breathing. You slowly get closer to him and put your hand on his chest. His body is warm and his breathing is so calming, you close your eyes, “Mista?” he didn’t answer, you caress hiss face, admiring his angelic beauty. You decide it’s time to go back to your room, you don’t wanna disturb his sleep “Thank you, Mista... I had a lot of fun today” you say quietly, almost whispering. Even tho you just said goodbye, you don’t wanna leave “I’m so stupid! I just look at your face a-and... Its been such a long time...” you put your face close to his to listen to his breathing, the calming rythm makes you so comfortable, makes you feel safe “I wish I could tell you how much I want to be with you... “ you feel a warm touch, “Then tell me Y/N.” you flinch “I-I d-didn’t know you were awake” as you try to move away from his face, he holds you close “Y/N, I wanna hear you say it”, you remain silent, not knowing how to react, you dreamed of this moment for such a long time and now that it’s finally happening you’re just speechless “M-Mista...” “Just say it so I can finally kiss you”, hearing him say those words make you shiver, he notices your reaction and it made him whimper for your lips on his “Can I kiss you, Y/N? Do you want this as much as I do?”, you close your eyes and answer “It’s all I want”. He pulls you close and just looks at you for a moment "You're so beautiful" then gives you a slow and sweet kiss. The feeling of his soft lips on yours make your knees weak and you accidentally fall over him. He bites your lower lip as if asking for more. Running his hands through your hair, he suddenly pulls it a little bit making you open your mouth from the sensation, he takes this opportunity to give you a passionate kiss, you can't help but moan, as a result he tightens the grip, kissing you hungrily. "Amore, I waited so long to have you in my arms..." he presses his body against yours "I'm never letting you go now". You hear the door opening and Narancia comes inside with chocolate bars and popcorn "It's movie time! I brought some choc-... What are you doing?" He is starting to understand what's going on, you panicked "We... Uhm... Did you see that crack on the plaster wall?", Mista and Narancia started laughing at your stupid response, "Let's just watch the movie", Narancia sounds unbothered. Mista holds you and kisses your neck "We can finish that later, right?", you smile and agree, he pull your ear closer to his mouth and whispers "I love you, bambina", you feel your face overheat and you think to yourself "Mista, I love you too".

___________________________________________

This is my second fic and it probably is pretty shitty but @mista-and-birds reminded me of how much I need Mista in my life so I decided to write this... Also english is not my main language so there might be errors, sorry.

#guido mista #mista x reader #mista imagine #Jjba #jjba fanfic #jjba x reader #jojo part 5 #jojos bizarre adventure #vento aureo #golden wind #i just posted cringe

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nyanzaya · 4 years

Note

Sometimes i feel kinda guilty to ask you so many questions 😳 ѩ Җ ℛ ✒ ಹ ෴ ᚖ ༺ ❤ ℳ ☢

Yet Another Munday Meme

oh gosh dont feel bad for asking so many questions xD that’s why there are there!

ѩ - Are there any characters that you love, but simply cannot role play?

There’s a lot of characters that I like that are canon characters like, Izaya, Shizuo, Tsubaki, Celty, Shinra, Dr. Strange and other’s that I really love but I don’t think I could do them justice lol so I just, don’t

Җ - What’s your greatest source of inspiration when it comes to role playing?

I’m not really sure? I know one is that I have this deep need to artistically express myself? Because if I don’t I don’t think it would be good for my health xD Or even just talking about it because I just get so healed if that makes any sense. And I guess another reason is cause.. like.... No one does anything with Neko!Alts so i just “This is it. It’s my time to shine.” Lol Like omg, I’ve had this idea in my head that I wanted to give everyone in drrr an neko alt because?? c’mon. Neko Celty would be super cute lol

ℛ - Are you religious?

I don’t think I’m religious, I think I’m more spiritual than anything.

✒ - Do you have a preference when it comes to gender regarding your muses?

Male. Because I don’t think I could do a female justice LOL Like I do have some female muses just I get all “hhhhhg” because i dont know if it’s any different but legit, if you have a female muse it can be so hard to get interactions just cause of how people see them i guess. And then with my own experience with a mun who played a very...very aggressive female muse lmfao it wasn’t...fun. by aggressive I mean like, their muse would sexually assault mine xD

ಹ - Share a story from your childhood!

Oh gosh... Well, when I was younger I played a lot of world of warcraft and I did a lot of player vs player and lol I-- I think I used to be really toxic about it? LOL I wouldn’t rage or anything it would be like, low-key shade throwing. Because I was a healer. So I had to keep my partner(s) alive and just “Why aren’t you doing any damage? We could of won.” like--- idk how to explain it lol I think back then I was like 14? So I was in this mindset of “Well I’m in the top 5(I was number 3) of the entire server. I’m one of the best players.” and, I low-key was an elitest but listen, I carried a lot of people. Just now, that I don’t really play anymore I kind of, leveled out. I don’t think that way anymore and when I think about it I’m just “what the fuck was wrong with me lmfao.” Now, I’m just tired and I want to write. I still do play a little just I don’t PvP anymore, I’m in it just to have fun and get things I didn’t get back then(It’s a private server so of course xD) But yeah, it’s kind of hard to believe that I used to be really mean back in the day. Now I’m just shy

෴ - Tell us about your day.

I’ll tell you about my work day yesterday because that’s literally the only day I can remember now.:

Yesterday, I got up like; 8:20 am because I’m tired and I don’t wanna be getting up to early. I go to work and I hold a meeting with our team leader. All the basic stuff like “Pay attention to this.” “When you deep clean or even when you’re in a normal room wipe down this.” ect ect ect. I had to also tell them that if the maintenance guy bothers you or tries to talk to you write it down because while our maintenance manager is gone, he might be a little crazy cause he thinks he can get away with more and he did get written up(cause of me) for like verbal sexual harassment. Anyway, after that meeting, I didn’t have a board(meaning I had no rooms to clean) and I had to help in laundry, which is fine I like doing laundry even if it kills my upper back and arms so that’s what I did from 9:30 am to like 3:20 pm. Got some food(I think??) came home, reblogged munday memes cause “Oh shit it’s munday” and I...think I did a reply? I don’t remember. then by like 5:20~ I was falling asleep at my desk so I went to my room and helped my GF try to find her pokemon game, we didn’t find it and at like 6:30 pm i just passed out. And here I am, retelling that story.

ᚖ - Do you wear makeup?

I do not. I don’t have time for it. I worn it once and I looked really pretty tho

༺ - Do you have any siblings? What’s your relationship with them like?

I have....an older brother a little brother and a little sister. I’m one of the middle kids lmfao. The relationship with my older brother is like... I don’t really know we kind of just “Aye.” “Hey whats up.” and be on our way. We have some of the same interests like games and collecting so that’s chill. The relationship with my little brother is pretty chill, before he left to college we were really close like he’d vent all his frustrations to me and stuff and I’d give him advice and then we’d sometimes play games together. When he left for college we hardly talk LOL But we do send each other memes. With my little sister-- i...I don’t know? It feels like it’s rocky but it’s not? It’s like, we exist but sometimes we argue. Like She’s a mommy’s girl and I’m a daddy’s girl so we are kind of on opposite ends but sometimes, she talks to me about how she dislikes our mom and I tell her “Yeah, like, sometimes she’s horrible. Sometimes she’s nice. And legit, Dad did nothing to you so I don’t know why you hate him” (Our dad was in the millitary so he was literally always gone) and yea, now we are kind of just chilling. Nothing really exciting. We are all in the same house but we don’t interact with each other often lmfao which is sad cause we are literally, like 10 feet away from each other.

❤ - Are you and/or your muse currently in love with someone?

Oh yes! I love my girlfriend. And Iza loves Shizuo and that specific Shizuo is my Girlfriends Shizuo so it’s like...? Weird af lol but I really love her even though sometimes I’m so shit at expressing it /cry I’m literally just always tired but I try to do whatever she wants cause legit i’m too tired to decide anything; other times I just wanna chill and be alone and it’s fjaksdfas feelsbadman

ℳ - Do you think you have a good handwriting?

Uhhm....I think it’s alright? Not the best but not the greatest. As long as you can read it LMFAO

☢ - When was the last time you went to the cinema? What movie did you watch?

The last movie I watched was Joker and that was the last time I went to the cinema lmfao. Me and GF want to see another movie but I forgot what it was

#about mun #;Ooc #hope none of this gets liek erased lmfao #if-that-so

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karmade · 5 years

Text

okay... i didnt like far from home.

well, spiderman far from home spoilers ahead.

i honestly never expected that I’ll type up something like that after spider man movie... after homecoming, that comforted my tortured by civil war soul in best way possible, i hoped that far from home will help me, and peter, to cope with endgame.

well, it made me feel worse.

Starting with: NICK FURY. I always had up and down relationship with him, but after Captain Marvel I was really cool with him. Yet in FFH, he hit the bottom way too fast: Fury demands Spider Man to help take down creatures that supposedly destroyed the earth of other dimension: water and fire element creatures. Spider Man, who’s abilities include super strenght, agility, stickiness and webs... is simply just not fit to help with this kind of villians. What exactly Dr Strange is doing, when other dimentions are actually his shtick? Where’s Wanda? What about Hulk, Wakandian soldiers (and tech), hey, where’s Rhodey? There was fucking battalion of superheroes at the end of Endgame, but this supposed apocalyptic villian is only fit to fight by 16 years old teenager? Okay.... Well, I get it that it’s a plot point, that there will be no Spider man movie if this plot point didnt exist, but they could have at least designed a villian more fit to make Spider Man’s abilities essential. ANYWAY: Fury decides on this 16 years old and uses tranquliser on his 16 years old friend (which was not creepy and unnecessary at aaaaaall). But then Peter says no (we’ll get to that later) and Fury? Fucking tries to guiltrip him by using Tony. I am so completely livid about it, Fury saying some shit about ‘oh I guess Stark was wrong about you’ TO A KID TONY LOVED, OBVIOUSLY HAD A HIGHEST REAGARD FOR AND NEVER DOUBTED AND WOULD HAVE NEVER FUCKING ASKED SOMETHING LIKE THAT FROM IN THE FIRST PLACE, FUCK YOU. Fury using Tony to make this KID feel bad about himself, reminding Peter about death of his friend and mentor and, yeah, possibly father figure, basically by implying that apparently Tony would have been dissapointed... that shit was low. The fuck. But Peter still says no, so Nick Fury goes and steers a WHOLE BUS OF TEENAGERS TO EPICENTRE OF DANGER. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING MEEEE. If I’ll hear one more WORD about tony kidnapping peter to berlin after this, I’m going to fucking explode.

EDITH: the first ever Tony Stark’s AI that had no emotions. I used to think that it was Friday operating Tony’s glasses, watch and everything, but it’s beside the point: unlike her brothers and sisters, Edith shows no hints of having her own mind, she’s a THING that can be simply transferred to the wrong guy and dont mind it. JARVIS was able to tell that Ultron was hostile, AND when he was hurt and disentegrated he STILL had a mind to protect nuclear codes without being ordered to. Yet Edith is fine with destroying cities, harming people and killing Spider Man. I guess it’s a small point to be peeved with, since she’s artifical, but it sure would have been nice if Edith (created by Tony who LOVED to be prepared for everything) had protocols to prevent her from being used against civilians (AT LEAST be familiar with Spider Man and Peter Parker to NOT shoot him on command) and they would have had to hack her to remove it. But oh well.

What REALLY hurt me about Edith tho, was how easily Peter let the glasses go. It was unexpected and sad and I’d say rather poorely executed. Again, giving up the glasses was a plot point, but the scene itself, it was done in such way that I felt no reluctance from Peter. It was a thing Tony left for him, a parting gift, yet Peter gives it away like it didnt matter, even more so, it felt like he was happy to part with it, phew, thanks god it’s not my burden anymore! Also, Tony was really, really protective of his tech: his suit, his watch, his AIs, his bots, his glasses... all of them were part of him, never intended to be given over to goverment or military or some stranger. He gave Peter those glasses because Peter could use them like Tony did, discreetly, while out of costume, and because he knew that Peter would NEVER use them to harm people. But seeing Peter giving over those glasses to some stranger he met only two days ago, as some kind of sacrifice to not feel bad about not joining Fury’s new superhero team, that left a bad taste in my mouth. So bad, in fact, that I still feel it.

(And while we’re on topic of AI, what about Karen? Where is she? Peter used 3 different types of costumes in this movie (minus black one that wasnt stark tech) and she never said a word. Thats... weird, dissapointing and sad.)

BECK: That piece of shit. Yes, I hated that it was yet another ‘IT’S ALL TONY STARK’S FOULT!’ origin. Just.. how many more villians ranting about how and why they hate tony marvel wants me to endure? Because I honestly lost count by this point. And yeah, movie didnt try to make Tony problematic, yeah, they did not try to make us sympathetic toward Beck, they kept enforcing the idea of Tony being good and selfless superhero Peter should aspire to be, but. I still hated it. I hated that they dragged Tony into it, I hated villains cheering that Tony is now dead, I hated that they used stark tech to destroy cities and harm people, I hated Beck wearing or just touching Edith... I hated it, okay. And people WILL now use this 'tony steals tech!' agenda out of context how they happily blame tony for 'kidnapping and blackmailing' peter, 'trying to kill bucky in cold blood', 'siding with ross and splitting avengers apart', 'creating murderous bot'... it's now out there, even if BARF is obviously property of SI and Beck is obviously a psycho.

PETER: I love Tom Holland’s Peter Parker. I love him, I never stopped. But. But. In homecoming, Peter’s inner tremor of wanting to be of use so badly but not called up or trusted to be of help was a very well executed theme of the movie. Peter had a bravado of I’M NOT A KID, I CAN DO IT! in the first half of the movie, that led him to failing big time on the ferry, to him having this big emotional choice of WHO, IF NOT ME on homecoming night, to declining an Avenger title. It was so so so so so well done emotionally. And I was so ready to cry my soul out in FFH, expecting Peter to have so much inner struggle between wanting to distance himself from superheroing after endgame and wanting to help people and trying to fit in in tony’s shoes and not seeing himself capable of it... I searched for those undertones so much in every scene, but all I really felt was Peter not really wanting to be in this movie at all. He’s a kid! I get it! He’s a kid I love and want to protect, okay! But after 4 movies of knowing Peter Parker who jumped in the MOMENT someone was in danger, it baffled me how reluctant he was to help in FFH, basically forced to do it. We could theoritise about him having trouble coping after endgame all day long, but after IM3, brilliantly showing Tony struggling to cope after traumatic events, FFH did not deliever. They tried, but, it was some bland dialogue and barely any subtlety, just a kid wanting to go on his date, already, can you please ask someone else?

Scene with Happy was good, tho. How Peter goes to him but is scared to trust him at first, how Happy is gentle with him, the talk, the in plane lab, the music. It was good bit, but. It was just small bit.

Another thing I loved was MJ, who was a delight, her scenes were good and pure, and Zendaya did perfect job on portraying her struggles of liking Peter and worrying about him being Spider Man and still not being sure about it and trying to appear indifferent and above it all... she was really great and endearing and her scenes with Peter were lovely. The kiss(es) scene was one of the purest kissing scenes I witnessed in a superhero movie, god bless it.

HOLOGRAMS: They were scary, I guess. They were disorienting and difficult to follow and 100% made to whoa you with 3D effects. But I felt completely detached from feelings that those illusions should have summoned up, because for the most part Peter wore the mask and thus we could not see his face or read his emotions. Ironman zombie was by far most unnecessary bit, I was scared that Beck would use Tony in his illusions, barely breathing whole thing, but then ironman zombie showed up and I actually relaxed, cringing. It was just that, a scene that makes you pull a disgusted face, not touching your emotions at all. Somehow...disappointing. Also... Tony CONSTANTLY used heat signature scanner to check up where civillians and villians were. It's a feature that exist and could have been greatly used against holograms. But oh well.

POST CREDITS SCENE: So Beck was even more shitstain of a person, okay. So his grand plan B was to frame Spider Man, okay. The scene was supposed to make me jump from my seat with WHAAAAT and kickstart thirst for 3rd movie, but... I just stood up and walked straight out of cinema feeling strangely hollow and disappointed. I guess... it wasn't bad movie? I won't try to change the opinion to those who liked it. I look forward to seeing gifs and reading thoughts of those who liked/loved the movie. I might change my mind on some bits. But I waited for this movie so much and in two hours I barely enjoyed maybe about 15 minutes of it and it's something i never expected after adoring homecoming and all the peter scenes in other movies. Maybe it's that they murdered Tony and I lost ability to enjoy marvel movies anymore, maybe it's just that.

(finally, I guess it’s too picky of me to be peeved by this, but science school teenagers coming up with ‘i will always love you’ google search grainy picture tribute video was so anticlimatic it was uncomfortable to watch. There’s nothing hillarious about death of those characters, and it did not lighten the mood at all, it only made me uncomfortable and wrong footed. It’s also not how teenagers novadays make tribute videos.)

#spiderman far from home #far from home #far from home spoilers #spoilers #spiderman spoilers #spiderman #rant galore

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phanlight · 6 years

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The Boy on the Blue Moon Dreams of Sun

prompt: dan is a theatre kid who hasn't had his first kiss but has to kiss someone for a show. he doesn't want his first kiss to be wasted so he tries to get it done properly beforehand & he meets phil and w/e you can take it from there!!!

““Tell you what,” Phil leans into him, and Dan can smell his cologne. “We’re gonna come back up here again, okay? And you’re gonna tell me about yourself. Properly, this time.

Dan frowns. “Isn’t that what we’ve spent the past ten minutes doing?”

“Yeah,” Phil says. “The only difference being next time we do this, I’m going to ban you from saying the word ‘acting’. So I can hear about you, the real you, and not whoever you pretend to be for a living.”

GUESS WHICH BITCH IS BACK AND WRITING AGAIN (spoiler: IT ME)

I thought it was about time I branched out a bit and tried my hand at a theatre au. This was so much fun to write (albeit kinda hard as despite being a literature student my Romeo and Juliet knowledge is a little subpar lmao lets hope I at least sort of did it justice tho) and deffo has more than ur daily dosage of angsty teenage actor!dan so look forward to that. thank u to the lovely anon who prompted me with this! (also yes i’m still relying on ptv lyrics for my song titles after 3 years sh)

Also I’m sorry if the writing in this is a lil inconsistent. I started this fic literally over a year ago and abandoned it for ages before finding and continuing it again. The first half was written in literally like mid 2016 (from which point my writing has obv improved a lot) and since then I’ve been working on it sporadically so if it feels like halfway through my writing style suddenly changes then that’s why OOPS soz

This was not supposed to be this long im so sorry wtf 13k ??? fuks sake

It’s the first time Dan’s ever been pissed off with being cast a lead role in a play.

He usually loves it – he loves the attention, loves having a ripped up script full of highlighted lines and more soliloquies to memorise than he can even keep count of. He shines under the warmth of the spotlight, lapping up the attention like a hungry cat, and when the applause ripples throughout the audience at the end, he can’t get enough of the sound.

It’s just- well, there’s one problem with his part.

It’s nothing he has against Romeo, not necessarily, and the piece itself is okay – Dan’s copy of the popular play in question is already crumpled with annotations; small post-it notes spilling fluorescent colours out of every crease (studying English literature alongside Drama always comes in handy as far as Shakespeare is concerned) and Romeo has a decent amount to say.

The problem is, he’s going to have to kiss someone.

Dan Howell, the one who snaps up almost every single role he auditions for, the one with a clay personality that can be moulded perfectly into whatever role he’s going for next, the one who lives the stage and breathes the lights, who was once described as ‘the heart and soul’ of the local theatre, is going to have to kiss someone.

And believe it or not, Dan Howell, the same seventeen-year-old who breezes through auditions leaving a flutter of girls at his feet, the same guy who was once rumoured to have made out with three people at the Les Miserables afterparty and the same guy who once had to reject two people in one night, has never actually kissed anyone before. Not properly, anyway.

Granted, he’s been extremely close to it a fair few times – having been in and out of auditions and callbacks since the age of about five, he’s come into contact with a considerable number of roles that involve love interests; only last month was his character Eddie supposed to kiss the love of his life, Alexandra, in the back of a car at a drive-in cinema. It was a play that one of the drama students had written; set in the fifties, all red-and-white ice cream parlours and hand jives and high school dances and Marilyn Monroe posters. Dan had enjoyed playing his part, and not just because it was the only opportunity he’d get to sport a black leather jacket (though he did decide leather looked really quite hot on him after that play. It’s almost a shame he’s vegetarian), but because the minor obstacle could, like every single other time, be solved with a stage kiss. Just a few seconds of his back to the audience, being agonisingly close to someone else’s lips, before pulling away and raking though his mind to try and remember the next line. It’s always worked for him, every time.

Except for this. Because the director, a Lucy Howcroft with a loud voice and a bossy personality, has only gone and booked them the Round at the Old Vic theatre. Which would be fine, of course it would; it’s one of the most popular theatres in the city and the theatre group is going to get a huge reputation for this afterwards, but it’s not so handy as far as stage-kissing is concerned. When you’re being stared at from every angle three-hundred-and-sixty degrees around, there’s no way you can get away with only partially leaning in to kiss.

“Are you sure there’s no way around this?” Dan had insisted when he’d stolen a moment after rehearsal to talk to Lucy. She’d been clearing her desk – a papery mountain range, and had looked a bit too busy to talk, but Dan would rather discuss this with her one-on-one instead of having to voice his feelings with twenty other pairs of eyes staring at him.

“For someone who just bagged yet another lead role, I would’ve thought you’d be a little more gracious than this,” Lucy had muttered, snapping a file shut. “I didn’t have to cast you, y’know.”

“It’s not- I am grateful, you know I am, it’s just-“

“Is there a problem with the casting of Juliet?” she’d offered, raising an eyebrow.

“No,” Dan had insisted. “She’s fine.”

“The costume, then?” she’d tried. “I’m not a bloody mind reader, Dan. Help me out a bit here.”

Dan had shut his eyes and taken a deep breath, trying to comb the tangle of words in his head into some kind of coherent sentence.

“I mean- I just- the venue,” he gulped. “It’s- there’s a bit of a problem.”

“What about it?” Lucy sighed, irritation tracing the edges of her tone. “I fail to see what’s so problematic about getting a slot at the Old Vic of all places, but if you have any objections, then do enlighten me.”

“It’s not that, it’s just-“ Dan gulped, not really too sure how far he’s going to get with this. The bitterness already in her tone didn’t sound at all promising. “I don’t know. Do we have to perform in the round?”

“Christ, is performing in one of the most popular theatres in London that much of a chore?”

“No, no, I just-“ he gulped, trying to work out how the hell he’d word this without sounding like a twat. “I’ve never really… you know. Performed in an environment like that before.”

“You’ve been acting for twelve years,” she said bluntly. “I’m sure you have enough experience to be able to deal with a round stage instead of a rectangular one.”

“But- like, isn’t the round meant for- like… you know, Greek plays and shit?”

“It used to be,” she’d said, taking care to apply extra emphasis on the past tense. “Since when were you so hung up on the traditions of theatre, anyway?” she’d added after a pause. “Only last week were you totally in favour of the idea of having a rap battle in the middle of Othello.”

Dan had frowned, because that wasn’t really fair – sure, a rap battle isn’t exactly a common feature of Shakespeare’s plays, but no one could deny that Louis, playing Iago, was pretty good at freestyling whenever a mic was thrown in his direction. Despite not adhering to the conventions of traditional English theatre, it certainly made the play more entertaining.

“It’s just gonna be- you know. It’s gonna take some getting used to,” he’d mumbled instead.

“You have three months to get used to it,” she’d pointed out. “I’m sure you and the rest of the cast will have familiarised yourself with it by the time the production comes around.”

“But- the round is traditionally meant for-“

“Look, if you’re going to get so archaic about it, I can always build a time machine, book the open-air Globe for, like, sometime four-hundred years ago, and you can spend the next three days picking rotten tomatoes out of your hair,” she said. “Does that sound better?”

“They only did that to bad actors,” Dan had pointed out. Lucy rolled her eyes.

“And you know what makes a good actor, Dan?” she retorted. “Flexibility. The willingness to branch out of your comfort zone.”

Dan had sighed. He’s not going to get anywhere with this, is he?

“You know what?” he’d finally shaken his head, defeated. “Forget it.”

She watched him turn on his heel with a raised eyebrow. “See you Tuesday, then? First read-through of the script is at eleven in the morning.”

“See you then,” Dan muttered, not even bothering to turn around.

He let the door slam behind him.

It’s not that Dan doesn’t want to kiss anyone – (quite the contrary, really. He loves the idea of it, loves the thought of someone’s lips pressed up against his, the world slowing down around them and his heart feeling like fire. He’s always tried to incorporate that feeling into his acting, letting his passion leak into every character he’s cast, but when the stage lights are off and the curtain is down, his attraction to his colleagues ends there) – it’s just- well, he doesn’t really think he’s found the right person to share the real experience with, yet. His fellow actors and actresses aren’t unattractive by any means, but he doesn’t look at any of them and find himself struck by the desire to taste their lips and whisper incoherence into their ears like Eddie was supposed to do in the back of that car.

Seventeen, and still hasn’t had his first kiss. Still doesn’t want to waste it, at that.

Pathetic.

Technicians don’t get paid enough, Phil thinks.

He’s spent the day holed up in the trap room, devouring what was left in the back of the fridge (including a half-opened pack of Doritos that tasted like they expired about five years ago) and puzzling over this fucking broken light board that everyone had very kindly left him to take care of. It had already taken him over half an hour to get one of the chunky old Mac laptops up and running again (seriously, who in this day and age is still using an iBook?) and even then it only really half-functions – a handful of keys are missing, the trackpad only ever seems to work when it feels like it, and there’s a huge hairline crack right across the screen. Phil’s spent so long cursing through gritted teeth and smacking the table in frustration every time the damn thing freezes that it wouldn’t come as a surprise if he ended up contributing to those cracks by the end of the day. Maybe that’s how they ended up there in the first place.

“You alright?” the door suddenly opens and a voice – Nick, Phil presumes, breaks the aching silence that the room has been blanketed in for the past four hours. Finally, Phil sighs, feeling a pinch of anger melt away. Human company.

“Been better,” Phil mumbles, popping a couple of grapes into his mouth. Been better, he scoffs to himself. He’s pretty sure he hasn’t been worse.

“Chuck me a coke, will you?” he pulls up a chair and puts his feet on it, perching on the edge of the table. Phil heaves out a sigh – that involves getting up – but musters up enough energy to lean over and yank the fridge open. He tosses him a can, and Nick catches it expertly.

“Nice of you to show up,” Phil rolls his eyes. “Only four hours late this time. That’s an hour and a half off your personal best.”

“They said they didn’t need me here ‘till three,” he protests, popping the can open and taking a few gulps. “They said you had it all under control.”

His sentence is punctuated by a burp. Phil grimaces.

“Under control,” Phil snorts. That’ll be the fucking day.

“What did they leave you here to do?” he frowns.

“Only fix this entire fucking thing,” Phil nods over to the stupid light board. God, he’s sick of the sight of it. “Beats me what’s wrong with it. I’ve only just managed to get this dinosaur up and running,” he gestures to the corpse of a laptop in front of him, “let alone look at that.”

“Fuck me, man,” Nick sighs out a heavy breath. “If I knew, I could have come in earlier to help you out a bit. You should have texted me.”

“It’s fine,” Phil sighs even though- well, it’s not, really. There’s only so many hours of broken technology and out-of-date food one can take. “It’s not your fault,” he adds truthfully.

“They’re twats sometimes, aren’t they?” Nick lowers his voice, despite the fact they’re literally underground here, beneath the earshot of everyone.

“I’ll say,” Phil widens his eyes, trying to click something and- nope, it’s fucking frozen again. “For fuck’s sake. They’re all bloody loaded, too. You would have thought with the money they have, they could fork out a little for equipment that at least half-functions, right?”

“Yup,” Nick sighs. “Guess bookings for overpriced fancy-ass theatres are higher up on their agenda, though.”

Phil can’t argue with that. Apparently they’re going to have to wire up something in the Old Vic, of all places, next week. Phil dreads to think how much hiring that place out for even a few hours is going to cost, let alone booking it for three nights.

Probably more than enough to buy a better fucking laptop.

“But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?

It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon,

Who is already sick and pale with grief,

That thou, her maid, art far more fair than she.

Be not her maid since she is envious.

Her vestal livery is but sick and green,

And none but-“

“No- no,” Lucy holds up her hand. “Come on, Dan. More emotion than that. You’re telling the love of your life that even the moon is envious of her beauty. At least pretend to put some passion into it.”

Dan rolls his eyes – only the fourth time he’s had to repeat this fucking soliloquy in the past fifteen minutes. He’s pretty sure he’s only one “no, no, it’s too (insert adjective here)” away from giving up with this whole thing altogether. He’d rather have played Benvolio anyway.

“Come on,” Lucy continues. “We’ll take it from Be not her maid…”

Dan shuts his eyes, scrapes up the remaining traces of his sanity, and takes another breath.

“Be not her maid since she is envious.

Her vestal livery is but sick and green,

And none but fools do wear it. Cast it off!

It is my lady. Oh, it is my love.

Oh, that she knew she were!

She speaks, yet she says nothing. What of that?

Her eye discourses. I will answer it.—

I am too bold. 'Tis not to me she speaks.

Two of the fairest stars in all the heaven,

Having some business, do entreat her eyes

To twinkle in their spheres till they retur-“

“No, no-“ she interrupts him again and for fuck’s sake, at this rate, Dan won’t even need to spend any time in his bedroom going over his lines. He’s pretty sure he’s memorised half of the monologues already just from recapping in rehearsals alone.

“Come on, really feel it,” she pleads. “You can’t say something as romantic as that with a face like yours – you’re literally saying that two stars in the sky have gone away and they’re asking Juliet’s eyes to shine in their place until they return.”

Dan balls his fists, ready to snap back that yes, he’s fully fucking aware of what’s going on in the play thank you very much, in case she hadn’t forgotten he did actually study it for three separate exams and subsequent exposure to the text in question has made him rather familiar with the occurrences currently taking place, but they’re all interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Come in,” Lucy huffs, mildly irritated.

The door knob jitters, then twists.

“Hiya,” a black-haired boy nods tiredly, pushing through the crack in the door. Dan immediately recognises him – one of the tech guys, he thinks, but he isn’t entirely certain. He’s never really spoken to any of the crew before; they tend to keep well out of the limelight (they’d rather control it instead).

“Everything okay?” Lucy asks, before turning to Dan and Alexandra (his Juliet). “You two, take five. Be ready to take it from the top.”

They both relax and take a seat on one of the upturned wooden boxes. It isn’t until Dan takes the weight off of his legs he realises how much they’ve been aching – fuck, he really needs to get back to that gym.

“Any luck?” she says to Mr. Black-Hair. He’s holding a laptop that looks as if it’s seen better years, never mind days, and a long cord of wire that snakes around his fist.

“Nothing at all,” he sighs, flicking a strand of his fringe out of his eyes. His hair looks as if it hasn’t seen a hairbrush for days, but there’s something about the way it sits shaggily on his head that kind-of suits him (Dan wishes he could pull off messy hair – he only attempted ditching the straighteners once and spent the rest of the day wondering if any birds had mistaken his head for a nest).

He doesn’t realise he’s been staring until he catches the tail end of Alexandra’s sentence and realises he hasn’t actually been listening for the past minute or so.

“What was that, sorry?”

“I asked you how you were finding Romeo so far,” she repeats.

“Hm? Oh yeah, yeah- he’s fine,” Dan says, not taking his eyes off of Mr. Black-Hair. He’s lost the thread of their conversation (he’s no lip reader) but by the looks of it, it seems as if there’s a problem with one of the laptops.

“Are you sure?” Alexandra frowns. Dan looks at her, but his glance is soon pulled back to the technician.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

She shrugs. “You don’t really- I don’t know, you just don’t seem to be… you know. That into it, y’know?”

“Wait-“ Dan shakes his head, trying to focus on their conversation instead of the one a few metres away from. “Hang on- what? What makes you say that?”

She raises her eyebrows, as if to say ‘really?’. Dan’s expression remains carefully blank.

“Come on, Dan. We wouldn’t have had to repeat this stupid scene like, five times if you were actually into it. I’ve seen you do way better than this.”

“Oh, not you as well,” Dan groans, deflating. He’s pretty sure that exact sentence had fallen from Lucy’s lips not so long ago. He’s sick of hearing it, sick of having to sit and listen to people tell him that he ‘can do way better’ and ask ‘is everything all right, Dan? Nothing bothering you, is there?’ because he’s just ‘not himself’ at the moment.

That’s the most ridiculous one, he thinks, because for Christ’s sake, he’s an actor. He’s never himself.

“No, I don’t mean it like that,” Alexandra says, backtracking. “You know I don’t. I just- I think I overheard Lucy say you had a problem with something or other last week?”

“Did you,” Dan mumbles, unable to keep the bitter sarcasm out of his town. Alexandra remains unfazed.

“What was that about, though?” she remains unfazed. “Nothing to do with the casting, is it?”

“You really think it’s to do with the casting?” Dan stares at her in disbelief, before scoffing. “Yeah, like, I’m gutted to have bagged the lead role alongside you at one of the best theatres in the country. How am I going to cope?”

Not entirely truthful, but not a complete lie either.

“Just making sure,” a grin tugs at her lips, and she flicks a curl of red hair behind her shoulders. “I don’t have much of a problem with it myself, to be honest.”

“That’s reassuring,” Dan smirks sarcastically, but his tone is fairly benign. There’s certainly no denying she’s fucking gorgeous and it’s really no wonder she’s Juliet – she has hair the colour of a sunset falling down her back in ruby curls, emerald eyes framed by a curl of long eyelashes and cherry red lips that stretch into a wide smile whenever Dan cracks a joke, giving way to a small dimple on the side of her cheek. Her skin is pale, the colour of moonlight, almost, and he idly thinks, just for a fleeting second, that the moon probably would be jealous of her. She’s beautiful.

“Certainly don’t have a problem with getting to snog you in front of a thousand people, I must be honest,” she adds, and Dan’s stomach drops and his grin vanishes. Shit.

He wrings out a laugh, internally wincing at how false it sounds. “Yeah, I- um-“

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” someone mutters a few footsteps away from them. He snaps his head up, and Lucy plus Mr. Black-Hair are hunched over the desk, clearly getting nowhere with the absolute disaster they call an iBook.

“Wait- what’s the problem?” Dan suddenly gets up. He feels a little bad for leaving Alexandra so abruptly so he throws her a little apologetic ‘be right back’ glance, but he can’t help it – he might actually be able to help, here.

He shoves down the other voice in the back of his mind, the ‘or rather you’re just grabbing at any opportunity to avoid any potential conversation about the kiss you fucking wimp’

“It’s okay, Dan, sit back down. I’ll be with you both in a second,” Lucy calls over her shoulder.

“No, really,” Dan insists. “I know a thing or two about Macs. I have one myself, and-“ he catches Lucy drawing in a breath, ready to protest, and he regrets the spill of words almost as soon as they come out – fuck, why can’t he just keep his mouth shut? – but Mr. Black-Hair turns around, an eyebrow quirked upwards.

“Really?” his stare is the colour of ice, the sky on a December morning, but it’s weirdly warm at the same time.

“I- uh, yeah,” Dan stutters when he remembers how to talk again. “I’ve always had Macs. They’re great when they decide to work, but they can be a bitch when they begin to act up, and-“ he cuts himself off with an awkward shrug, “yeah.”

“Tell me about it,” the technician smirks. “This bastard-” he nods to the chunky white rectangle in his arms, “took me like, half an hour to boot up alone. And now it’s been frozen for like- twice as long as that. I’ve only had chance to type in my password so far.”

Lucy’s still standing in the middle of them and it’s getting a bit difficult to ignore the stony glare burning into Dan’s peripheral vision right now and even harder to avoid eye contact with her, but it doesn’t stop him from offering some help, albeit rather inappropriately timed.

“I- um, have my MacBook with me if that helps?” Dan offers, trying not to feel the heat of his blush when Mr. Black-Hair looks straight at him. “I mean- if you don’t need it that’s fine, but like- it’ll function a bit better than that thing,” he shrugs. “I dunno. It would probably save you a lot of time.”

“Really?” he raises an eyebrow. “Like, with you right now?”

“Yeah,” Dan says. “I mean – I haven’t got my charger on me, but it’s on, like, eighty percent. Should be fine.”

“I mean-“ he throws a permission-seeking glance, towards Lucy, who Dan is pretty sure would be having steam coming out of her ears would it be humanly possible. She fixes Dan with a hard stare, a real ‘go on; be my guest’ look that’s always comes across as more of a dare than permission, a challenge for his conscience, but he can’t help an apologetic smile tugging at his lips.

“It’s cool with you, right?” his lips say before his mind catches up.

Lucy rolls her eyes in defeat. “If you absolutely must. But only- only because I could do with the extra time to independently go over one of Alexandra’s soliloquy.”

His face breaks out into a grin, and he’s not that sure why. “Thanks, Luce. I owe you one.”

“Don’t you make a habit of this, though. Remember; this is your own rehearsal time you’re sacrificing.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dan calls over his shoulder, trailing off. Mr. Black-Hair holds the door open behind him, and suddenly they’re out of the rehearsal studio and walking in a weird mutual silence sitting in a strange middle ground between comfortable and uncomfortable, across the car park and over to the actual theatre.

“Are you alright to do this, yeah?” Mr. Black-Hair (Dan seriously needs to come up with more imaginative mental nicknames for people) breaks the silence on their walk down to the trap room.

“It’s no problem at all,” he smirks as another wooden step groans under his foot. “Anything to get out of rehearsal.”

Dan’s never really been here before, never touched the underground territory where the technicians lurked, but there’s something about the atmosphere of this place that grips him.

Half an hour passes, and Dan couldn’t really tell you why he’s still sitting down here, still sitting on a revolving chair with a rip in the upholstery, under half-broken beams, tables that look like they’re seconds away from collapsing, and a lot of weird technology that he’d never even attempt to get his head around (seriously – do they even need this many buttons?). He’d given his laptop to Black Hair to receive a very emphatic ‘thank you, like seriously you’re a fucking lifesaver if I spent a second longer with that piece of shit I really don’t know what I would have done’ and the job had been done in seconds. Since then, a casual conversation had been struck up and Dan finds he doesn’t actually want to go back upstairs just yet.

“You two sounded really good in there,” Black Hair comments. They’d been talking about the play. “From what I heard, anyway.”

“Thanks,” Dan says, trying to ignore the quiet blush that warms his cheeks. There’s nothing quite like someone complimenting his acting. “Clearly not good enough for Lucy, though.”

“Few things are, Dan,” he sighs, and Dan only finds it half-weird that this guy knows his name, but Dan doesn’t actually know his. It’s unnerving, sure, but nothing he’s a stranger to. “She’s been on at you all morning.”

“Yeah,” Dan pauses, before adding an apologetic “sorry, I- um, I don’t think I caught your name?”

“It’s fine. I’m Phil,” he grins, and Dan thanks his lucky stars there’s finally a name to put to the face.

Dan studies him briefly, and frowns. “You do look familiar, actually.”

“Yeah – I do all the donkey work downstairs,” he grins. “You may have seen me emerge from the cave every now and then.”

Dan chuckles, deciding there and then that he likes Phil.

“Doesn’t it get lonely?” Dan asks, studying the square lights looming above them, one of which he notices is stuttering slightly, flickering on and off every now and then.

Phil shrugs, not taking his eyes off of the screen. “Kinda. But I mean – I have my little crew down here, y’know? There’s five of us. We just like- keep each other company. Help each other whenever we need to,” he glances at Dan. “Oh, and sneak up to the theatre and watch you guys every now and then.”

Dan giggles. “Brilliant. Must be a nice little community, though.”

“Yeah, it is,” Phil hesitates. “Or perhaps ‘support group’ might be a more appropriate term. For the poor sods who have to put up with shitty laptops and gross food.”

Dan laughs, and helps himself to another Dorito.

“Okay, right- Dan, sorry if this sounds a bit weird because- like, we’ve pretty much only just met, but like- um- I was wondering if you wanted to-“

“Phil,” Dan cuts him off. As an actor, there’s something about hearing people stutter and ramble without really saying anything that tends to grate on him. “I’d love to.”

“Really? Well, I-“ Phil stops and frowns. “Hang on a second. How did you know I was gonna ask you to hang out?”

Dan shrugs like he hasn’t spent the last thirteen years mastering the sciences of body language and speech and how they can be applied to the acting world. “Lucky guess, I suppose.”

Phil smiles. “I mean- would you? Like, really?”

“Of course,” Dan says.

“Well yeah, like- I don’t have to be home for a while yet, and I have a car so we could just like- drive around for a bit? Go to town if you want?”

Dan smiles, and repeats what he said before he even knew what Phil was going to say.

“Yeah. I’d love to.”

It’s a bit of a weird result to come out of lending his laptop to a stranger for a while, but it’s how Dan finds himself spending the evening sat in the passenger seat on the top of a car park roof, blasting some weird indie song from the depth of Phil’s Spotify and watching the sun sink further behind the buildings, painting the sky warmer with every slow minute that passes on the dashboard clock.

They’d had a drive around the city together, sometimes talking, sometimes letting lulls in the conversation give way to thoughtful silences, both of them tapping away to Phil’s music taste, but Dan thinks it’s been about fifteen minutes since either of them last said anything.

“So,” Phil is the first to break the silence. He flicks the last of his cigarette out of the window (Dan had insisted on rolling down the windows before he did that – there’s no way he’s going home stinking of an ashtray). “Tell me about yourself.”

Dan looks up from his phone at that, his heart thudding.

“You what?”

“You know,” Phil’s gaze doesn’t move, his eyes fixed on the view in front of the windscreen. They’d picked a spot at the very top of a multi-storey car park overlooking everything, leaving the city a pool of lights and colours and life far beneath them. “I don’t really know you. So tell me about yourself.”

“I- um-“ Dan gulps. This wasn’t really a question he came prepared for. He shrugs. “I don’t really know what there is to tell, if I’m honest.”

“Oh, now come on,” Phil presses. “Just- anything. Your hobbies. Your life. Your dreams. What you want to be when you’re older.”

“I feel like I’m in a bloody job interview,” Dan chuckles. Phil’s lips quirk upwards in response.

“You are. I’m interviewing you to see if you’re fit for the job of being mates with me.”

“The ‘job’?” Dan frowns. “Like it’s a chore?”

“That’s for you to decide,” Phil grins. “Now, come on. I wanna hear about you.”

Dan gulps, silence falling for the first time in a while.

“I- um, well I think my hobby is probably pretty obvious, for a start,” Dan begins. Phil rolls his eyes. “And what I wanna be when I’m older, too. I’m gonna do a degree in Drama, I reckon.”

“What else are you into, then?”

Dan stops for a second. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, come on,” Phil presses, flicking his lighter and sparking up another cigarette. “You must have other interests besides acting. You got a girlfriend?”

Dan clams up. “Um- no.”

“Oh. Boyfriend, then?” he quirks his eyebrows, and Dan shakes his head miserably.

“Afraid not.”

“Glad we established that,” Phil smirks, but Dan doesn’t really smile back.

He chews on the inside of his lip, having a staring contest with a pair of headlights sliding across one of the roads beneath them.

“What music are you into, then?”

Dan swallows, trying to think. It’s like someone’s scraped over his mind with an eraser, rubbing out his interests and his life and his personality, all pencilled in with weak lines.

“Oh, you know,” he shrugs. “This and that. I like whatever this is,” he nods to the Spotify track on Phil’s phone. “Bit of Indie, it’s good. Oh, and I love- what are they called? Pink Floyd?”

“Floyd’s good,” Phil agrees. “And Nirvana.”

“Yeah,” Dan gulps, feeling another silence probe the conversation.

“You into the Smashing Pumpkins?”

Dan shakes his head.

“Oh, okay. Slaves?”

Dan shakes his head again.

“Genesis?”

“Never even heard of them.”

“Cobalt Night?”

Dan shakes his head again

Phil cackles. “Oh Christ. You do realise I made that last band up?”

“Oh god,” Dan can feel his cheeks burn peony. “I’m not doing myself any favours here, am I?”

“Don’t worry, I’m only messing with you,” Phil says. “I think it would be more embarrassing if you said yes, to be honest.”

“True,” Dan shrugs, feeling Phil’s stare burn into his side profile. He sits back further in his seat, keeping his stare.

“You’re not really into much, are you?

Dan shrugs.

“I’m more into Musical Theatre, really. Ever since we did a production of Hamilton I haven’t really been able to get that rap out of my head,” he chuckles.

“Right,” Phil sits up a little bit and clears his throat. “Well we’ve established your music taste and your hobby. Who are your favourite actors, then?”

It’s like someone’s flicked a switch inside Dan. His eyes light up.

“-and Leonardo DiCaprio, oh my God, don’t even get me started on him. I mean- who wouldn’t fuck young Leo? Have you even seen him in Titanic? And Romeo and Juliet too, Jesus Christ he’s gorgeous. He’s so fucking gorgeous. I’m not gonna do Romeo’s role any justice when he’s my competition, am I?”

Phil just nods and says the odd ‘hm’, listening to Dan’s stream of consciousness.

“-and Helena Bonham-Carter, what a fucking legend, man. She’s just- her character is just so versatile, you know? I mean- there’s a good reason she’s in literally everything, and that’s because she’s fucking amazing- have you seen Fight Club? You must have seen it, it’s incredible. She’s incredible. It’s a bit of a mind fuck if I’m honest, what with the split personality thing and everything, but- oh God, Brad Pitt is so good in it too. And he’s pretty hot, I’m not gonna lie. Well, until he grew out his hair and looked a bit like a farmer. But- where was I? Oh yeah, Helena Bonham Carter-”

“She was good in Sweeney Todd, too,” Phil comments, and he’s off again.

“-like, that was the first time I ever saw Johnny Depp act, and by Christ that film creeped me out. I mean- I was only like, seven when I watched it so of course it was gross, like, what seven year old watches people do- you know, that, to paying customers? I feel sorry for the poor sods who just went in there wanting to give their beards a trim. But- yeah, they were both really good in Sweeney Todd. I had a bit of a crush on Helena- and Johnny too, for that matter, I mean come on, who didn’t? But then I found out Johnny Depp is a bit of a dick in real life so I went off him after that. But Helena’s still cool, obviously.”

“She’s good, yeah,” Phil nibbles at a protruding hangnail on his thumb.

“And- oh god, who’s another good actor? Oh, don’t even get me started on Morgan Freeman. Absolute fucking legend. Like, oh my god. Him and that other one- god, what’s his name? The guy from Donnie Darko?”

Dan’s brain is moving far too quickly for Phil to keep up and he has no idea what the correlation between Morgan Freeman and Donnie Darko is, but he gives it a shot anyway.

“Jake Gyllenhaal?”

“Yes. Yes, oh my god, that’s the one,” Dan’s face breaks out into a grin. “Fuck, Donnie Darko. What a film, man. My friend has a tattoo of it, and-“

It continues like this, Dan chatting nineteen-to-the-dozen and Phil counting the glitters of passion in his eyes, before they’re both interrupted by a buzzing on Dan’s lap.

“Oh shit,” he grabs his phone. “It’s my mum.”

Phil doesn’t know what she’s saying on the other end of the line, but judging by Dan’s apologies it sounds like he’s stayed out here for a little too long.

“Sorry,” Dan mumbles, tugging on his seatbelt. “Lost track of time a bit, there.”

“Clearly,” Phil grins.

“This was good, though,” Dan says. “Like, really good. Thanks for, you know. Suggesting this.”

“Tell you what,” Phil leans into him, and Dan can smell his cologne. “We’re gonna come back up here again soon, okay? And you’re gonna tell me about yourself. Properly, this time.

Dan frowns. “Isn’t that what I’ve spent the past like- hour doing?” he glances at the clock and shit, has it really been that long? It’s pitch black outside, the only light coming from the glitter of the city beneath them (shit, it really is beautiful from up here) and he was supposed to be home forty-five minutes ago.

“Yeah,” Phil says, starting up the engine. “The only difference being next time we do this, I’m going to ban you from saying the word ‘acting’. So I can hear about you, the real you, and not whoever you pretend to be for a living.”

The next few days pass in a blur of line-learning, enduring Lucy’s lectures about how he just ‘isn’t putting enough ‘oomph’ into it, come on now, we’ll take it from the top one more time’ and Dan has to act like he actually gives more of a shit about what Romeo’s saying right now than what Phil had said in that car a few days ago. He has to act like it isn’t what he’d been reciting over and over in his mind, the words digging grooves into the back of his mind and making themselves at home.

He has to act like there’s more to his fucking life than acting.

The next time Dan sees Phil, they’re both cooped up in a control room eating lunch in a companionable silence; Dan going over his lines and Phil puzzling over these two wires that are, according to him, sly bastards that won’t fucking go in these holes Jesus Christ, to which Dan had shut his eyes and prayed to god no-one outside the room had caught that out of context. There’s a huge control panel, rows and rows of buttons and sound mixers and, as Dan had very accurately christened them, “slidey-things” in front of them. He has no idea what any of this stuff is, no idea what a “cross-fader” is or what the hell a “submaster” is supposed to do, but every now and then Phil will casually lean over and flick a switch or press a button and a stage light beneath them will change.

“What’s up?”

Dan looks up from his script. He’s been poring over his lines for so long he’s pretty sure stripes of yellow highlighter are now permanently inked into the back of his mind, now.

“What? Nothing.”

Phil swings his legs off of the bar they’d been resting against. They’re halfway through sharing a KitKat (Dan had taken a trip down to the Co-op at the beginning of the lunch break and returned with a bag so heavy with food it had left a dent in his hand, insisting Phil can’t be living on stale crisps his entire life) and watching a rehearsal, one Dan doesn’t have to be in for once, through a pane of glass.

“You’re going to have to do better if you want to convince me, Mr. Theatre Kid,” Phil reaches over to the bowl in front of them and plucks a grape from the stem. “I thought you were good at acting.”

“What do you want me to do; leap up and perform a jig?” Dan turns a page, the paper rustling a bit too loudly. “I’m fine, Phil. Stop reading into things too much.”

Phil stares at him. “You’re sat there with a face as long as my leg, and I’m reading into things?” he quirks an eyebrow. “Be careful. If you stare at that page any longer it’ll probably burst into flames.”

“Shut up,” Dan mutters, the edge in his voice a little too sharp for it to slip by as a joke.

Phil does.

Dan sighs. “Sorry, I just-“

“Rehearsals getting to you?” he suggests softly. Dan doesn’t plan on letting the real problem slip; Christ, he can only imagine the havoc that would ensue if it got around that as well as obsessing over acting he’s also never actually kissed anyone, so he quickly takes Phil up on that.

“Yeah,” he sighs. “I mean- Romeo’s a good character to play, I guess, but he does have an awful lot to say.”

“You’ll be okay,” Phil reassures him. “You still have months of time left to memorise your lines. When’s the play?”

“Seventh of February,” Dan says. Two months from now.

“There we go,” Phil says. “You have plenty of time yet.”

“I guess so,” Dan shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“You’ve done this millions of times before,” Phil says. “You’ll be fine; I know you will. You’re a natural.”

Dan wishes he knew the half, he really does, but there’s just something about Phil’s smile that makes him almost want to believe him.

Dan manages to tell Phil a little bit more about himself next time they’re on the roof together, and in return, he learns a bit about Phil too.

“Well, when I was acti-“

“Nuh-uh,” Phil interrupts him. “No acting talk, remember?”

Dan rolls his eyes. “It’s relevant to what I was gonna say. It’s an important part of the story.”

“Wherever the hell you can fit acting into a story about you and your friends getting drunk and stealing a supermarket trolley because you couldn’t afford a taxi, I’d be very impressed.”

“You’d be surprised,” Dan grins, and that was the only time acting came into conversation that night.

Dan learns Phil is eighteen, that he’d failed his driving test three times before passing because he was driving on the wrong side of the dual carriageway, and swears he’s going to give up smoking next year, he promises. He learns that his favourite colour is blue because he likes the way the colour skates across the ocean water in the summer, and that he used to be scared of dogs before his parents got him a puppy for Christmas, a bouncy Labrador called Daisy with a love for the sun and walks down to the beach.

“I fucking love dogs,” Dan beams.

“So do I, now. Took me long enough,” Phil agrees, taking a drag of his cigarette. “Daisy’s so cute, oh my god. You will love her.”

Dan doesn’t say anything, but there’s something about the definite use of ‘you will’ that he likes.

He, in turn, finds that he does have some thoughts and feelings and dreams hidden away in there, beneath the façade of scripts and stage lights and acting. He finds he does have stuff to say, stuff that isn’t always attached to a web stringing back to the theatre. He tells Phil all about his cat, Ozzy (a little shit who takes great pleasure in knocking all his belongings off of his desk and sleeping on his laptop, but he loves him anyway) his annoying next-door neighbours who don’t seem to see any problem with blasting ABBA at three in the morning, and they manage to find common bands they both like. Oasis is playing when the sun sinks, the sky darkens, and the city lights up beneath them.

“God, I love this one,” Phil mumbles, his speech obscured by the cigarette hanging out of his mouth. “Don’t Look Back In Anger. It’s one of their best.”

“Oh god, yeah,” Dan agrees, tapping along to the chorus. “That and Stand By Me. Oh god, and Champagne Supernova, too.”

Phil grins at that, and leans forward, picking his phone up from the dashboard. Before Dan has a chance to question him, the chorus stops dead in its tracks, and an acoustic softness follows the sudden silence, a series of guitar chords that are just that bit too familiar. He grins.

“I always think the intro sounds a bit like Wonderwall,” Phil comments, putting his phone down and leaning back in the seat.

“Yeah,” Dan sighs, leaning back in his own seat and turning his gaze to the city beneath them, staring at lights and roads and buildings until they pool into a hazy amber blur in his vision.

How many special people change,

How many lives are living strange,

Where were you while we were getting high?

Slowly walking down the hall,

Faster than a cannonball

Where were you while we were getting high?

Someday you will find me,

Caught beneath the landslide,

In a champagne supernova in the sky.

Someday you will find me,

Caught beneath the landslide,

In a champagne supernova;

A champagne supernova in the sky.

They don’t say anything, instead letting Liam Gallagher do the talking, but sly glances are exchanged from under brown fringes and black eyelashes.

“Nice up here, isn’t it?”

It’s only until Phil breaks the silence they’ve lapsed into that Dan realises the song has drawn to a close. He slides his gaze from the city and over to Phil, over to his thoughtful stare skating along the skyline, the ruffled sweep of black hair coating his fringe, and the orange glow of a cigarette tip poking out of the corner of his mouth. His eyes flicker over to Dan’s.

Dan looks back over to the city.

“Yeah.”

“I always come up here.”

“I can see why.”

“Yeah, well. Sometimes a little look over the city is just what you need to clear your head. It just puts everything in perspective, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Dan swallows. “It really does.”

There’s a litter of thoughts and worries in his mind, buried deep and multiplying with every day that drags past, every day that pulls him closer and closer to the production, to the hundreds of burning stares in the audience seats, to his colleague’s lips. He’s been longing for a break from it. Just a few hours of silence, a few quiet moments that don’t have to be spent combing over every single thought in his head, thinking and thinking until it inflates into anxiety, spilling into the pit of his stomach and clawing at the edges as it goes.

And the more he counts the city lights, the more he feels the cold night air stroke his cheeks and the engines reverberating around the car park levels beneath them, the more he reckons a more few nights up here. It’s the remedy he needs; just him, Phil and the lights.

Their eyes meet seconds after, and Dan can feel the question he’s vowed to ask Phil before the end of the night already beginning to rest on his lips, on the cusp of speech.

“When can we do this again?”

The late nights begin to pass more frequently in a spinning blur of city nights, passenger seats and conversations, all whispers and cold air and stolen glances. Dan can feel himself unravelling like a threadbare blanket, his carefully constructed personas and characters fraying at the edges with every hour spent up on the top of the city with a boy whose lips spill truths like water, and it isn’t long until Dan finds cracks in his paper personalities and begins to feel more and more honesty begin to seep through. He finds that no, he doesn’t have to spin false anecdotes like cotton and lie about his interests and find a way of linking everything back to acting, hooking every little quirk and element to his personality back to the stage. He doesn’t have to impress Phil with his knowledge of Hollywood throughout the years and he doesn’t have to act like he loves things he’s never actually heard of and he doesn’t have to lock his feelings away and throw away the key.

He doesn’t have to pretend.

It’s all okay until they fall onto the topic of previous relationships.

It’s been a good night. They’d visited the car park again, but this time without the car (it was warm enough to leave it in the driveway and make their own way up the concrete staircases, glass bottles in plastic bags clinking around their legs). They’d situated themselves in the very same parking space, the one second to the right and next to a beacon, but they’d traded car seats for a picnic blanket, headlights for phone torches and gear sticks for bottle openers.

“Yeah, like- fuck, she wasn’t a good kisser at all, was Mary. I mean- we were in year nine and she tried, bless her, and God knows so did I. But you know, with that as my first impression of kissing, when it was over I was like ‘what the fuck is all the fuss about?’” Phil chuckles, and Dan pretends to grin.

“Yeah, I mean-“ he shrugs, staring down at his lap. “I’ve had my fair share of bad kisses in my time.”

The ease with which the lie rolls off of his tongue almost takes him by surprise. It’s been a while since he’s lied about himself to Phil, and it feels strange.

“I can imagine,” Phil says, before frowning. “But you’re an actor. So you must be an excellent kisser, right? What with all the practice you guys have.”

Dan frowns, looking up from his bottle. “You what?”

“Oh come on. I saw what went on in the back of that car last term. Eddie and Alexandra. That play involved more lip-on-lip action than the fucking Notebook.”

Dan smiles at that, remembering the play adaptation they actually did of that when he was in year ten. He doesn’t quite know whether to laugh or cry over the sheer amount of starring roles he’s had that are heavily eloped in some kind of romantic storyline.

“Us actors have our techniques,” he says carefully.

Phil’s eyes widen at that. “You do? Like what?”

Dan shrugs, taking another sip of beer. “Oh, you know.”

“No, I don’t know,” Phil shuffles closer, a flicker of eagerness in his cerulean stare and shit, Dan’s beginning to regret opening his mouth now. “Come on. What techniques do you have? I could use a few tips myself.”

Dan raises an eyebrow, his eyes firmly locked onto the spread of amber lights in front of them.

“I doubt you’d ever want to use these kinds of techniques on anyone,” he says, a hint of humour drying his speech. “I imagine stage-kissing on a real date would be quite a deal-breaker.”

“Stage kissing, huh?” Phil widens his eyes. “How does that differentiate from a real kiss, then?”

“Well,” Dan takes another sip of his drink, his vision beginning to slow down. “First of all, it’s not really a kiss at all.”

“Huh?” Phil frowns.

“I mean- not usually. There are different kinds of stage-kisses, but most of them don’t involve, you know,” he smirks, reusing Phil’s rather vulgar term of “lip-on-lip action”.

“So you guys don’t actually kiss?” Phil asks.

Dan shakes his head. “Nope.”

“But-… how does that work?”

Alcoholic courage swims through Dan’s veins at that. He glances at Phil.

The words are a whisper, a dare almost, and it isn’t until Phil nods that Dan realises he’s actually said it out loud.

“Want me to show you?”

“Yeah, go on,” Phil’s tone is casual, soft almost, but his eyes are glittering.

“Okay, well- come over here,” he beckons.

Phil does as he’s told, shuffling up on his knees until he’s facing Dan.

“One of the actors needs to have their back to the audience,” Dan says. “So, let’s say the wall over there is the audience,” he nods over Phil’s shoulder to the stretch of concrete watching them.

“Alright. The wall’s the audience. Now what?”

“Now,” Dan gulps, feeling his heart begin to pick up the pace because shit, this is really happening now. “So, what you do is, like, just lean in normally for a kiss, but stop just as your lips are about to touch.”

Phil scoffs. “Where’s the fun in that?”

“Look, do you want me to show you or not?”

“Nah, nah, I’m kidding,” Phil says. “C’mon, then. Show me how it’s done in Hollywood.”

“You dick,” Dan mumbles, but he’s leaning in.

Phil gets closer, his face begins to crawl up to Dan’s until their noses are brushing and his fringe is a tickle on Dan’s cheek and his breath mixes with Dan’s own, warm and languid through parted lips and fuck, Dan’s heart is really thudding now. His legs feel like jelly and his lungs feel like fire and there’s something warm and fiery swirling in the pit of his stomach, something alien, something that he’s certainly never felt before with any other colleague he’s come this agonisingly close to kissing.

They stay there for what feels like minutes, lips hovering, warmth tingling and the city still thundering beneath them, and it’s Phil who pulls away first.

“Impressive,” he smiles, eyes glittering with nonchalance. “Frustrating, but impressive. Is that your go-to one, then?”

It takes three swigs of beer to calm Dan down before he can speak again.

“I mean- um, yeah. Though sometimes if you’re, like, sitting really far over to the side in the audience you might be able to tell that they’re not actually kissing, so,” he shrugs. “It just depends on the stage, I guess.”

“Right,” Phil nods, swigging from his own bottle. “You, er- you mentioned a few other types, right?”

The thought of coming that close to Phil’s lips again sends the strange flame of warmth flooding back into Dan’s stomach. He all but chokes on his mouthful of drink.

“Er- yeah,” he stutters. “There are a few others,” he gulps again and shit, what’s up with him?

Dan doesn’t really know what’s happening, doesn’t know why being within a metre radius of this guy is already making him feel far more than he’d ever felt with any colleague, kissing or not, but it doesn’t stop him from beckoning the older boy over and showing him kiss number two, their lips locked together with nothing except Dan’s thumb in between them. He can feel the warmth of Phil’s mouth against his skin, the hot movement of Phil’s breath through his nose and the tickle of his hair against his cheek again. When he parts his mouth, Dan feels the tiniest touch of lip against his. It’s only the very corner and can’t have lasted for longer than a millisecond, but the feeling comes back like a spark to a flame and he’s beginning to find it difficult to balance and oh, shit.

They break apart, eyes searching each other’s, and it’s the first time Dan’s feeling like this post-‘kiss’ without having to throw on a character like an old shirt. He doesn’t have to follow anything up with someone else’s speech, with a fake accent and a stupid costume and a mannerism that doesn’t quite fit.

For once, he doesn’t feel like he has to act.

Phil narrows his eyes after a few silent seconds, fighting back a smirk.

Dan frowns, the post-stage kiss high beginning to melt away.

“What?”

“Is that seriously it?” Phil says.

“Yeah,” Dan moves away, trying to ignore the surge of electricity he had felt upon edging within a few millimetres of the other boy’s lips, the city a roar beneath them.

“I don’t know why I feel so disappointed,” Phil smirks. “From where I sit, looking at you lot doing all your stuff down on the stage, it looks a whole sight more realistic than that.”

Dan looks back out to the city.

“Yeah, well,” he says, feeling his heart slow down. “Acting isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

“So. You and Alexandra, eh?”

Dan glares at him. Dawn is beginning to throw pastel colours into the blackness of the sky. It’s still dark enough to see the stars, fainter twinkles against the sweep of indigo above them, but it’s light enough for them to see each other, to make out feint outlines of faces in the low pre-sunrise light, eyes half-lidded and shadowed from the sleepless hours. It must be pushing four in the morning, and they’ve been here since eleven o’clock, leaving their parents with promises that they’re spending the night round each other’s houses to make a few preparations for the play.

(If reciting Romeo’s Balcony Scene soliloquy through giggles and slightly drunken slurs counts as preparation, then at least half of that promise is true).

“We’re not an item,” Dan mumbles, taking a drag from his cigarette. It tastes strange, kind-of like dirt and ash and tar and he’s not a smoker and probably never will be, but Phil had offered him one and- well, fuck it.

“I know,” Phil says. “But you guys are performing in the round, aren’t you?” Phil narrows his eyes, and Dan swears he leans an inch or two closer before whispering, “your stage kisses won’t work from that angle, I’m telling you.”

“Don’t remind me,” Dan shuts his eyes. So far he’d been doing quite a grand job of pushing that worry to the back of his mind, burying it deep into his consciousness. The whole reason he’s up here altogether is to escape it.

Phil hesitates.

“What?” he asks. “Don’t you want to kiss Alexandra?”

Dan gulps, the taste of alcohol souring on his tongue a little.

“It’s not that,” he says. “I mean- a kiss is a kiss, right? It’s all part of the job, and-“

“But you don’t fancy her,” Phil says.

Dan frowns. “Well- no, of course not. She’s a colleague.”

“I know,” Phil says. “It makes a difference though, doesn’t it?”

“What does?”

“Kissing someone you don’t fancy. It’s weird.”

“Tell me about it,” Dan mumbles. It’s getting harder and harder to maintain this lie. “I- er, yeah. I usually stick to stage-kissing on the job, to be honest,” he shrugs. “It’s just easier than kissing someone you don’t really have feelings for.”

“Have you never, you know, properly kissed anyone before, then?”

Dan takes a deep breath. Lies can flow like water when he wants them to; he’s a master at concealing the truth behind a blanket of fabrication and deception, but there’s something about talking to Phil that makes falsehood sour on his tongue.

He lets it out in a deep sigh, feeling his chest deflate and his heart thud. Fuck it.

“You know what?,” he begins. “No. I haven’t. I don’t know if you can tell, but- yeah. I dunno, I guess that’s why I’m so stressed about this shit with Alexandra. And like- I know that probably makes me a fucking loser for never having kissed anyone at the age I am now, and probably even more of a loser that I want my first one to be with someone special, but- fuck, I don’t know,” he swallows, feeling the knot of anxiety in his chest loosen a little. “No. I haven’t. Okay?”

Phil doesn’t say anything. He bites his lip and averts his eyes down to the neck of his bottle. He fiddles with the loose cap, letting it fall through the spaces between his fingers with a sharp clink.

Dan doesn’t like that, doesn’t like the silence. The knot returns.

“What?”

“I- er- that wasn’t really what I meant,” Phil finally says.

The knot tightens.

“What do you mean it’s not what you meant?”

“I meant have you properly kissed anyone on stage before,” Phil glances up. “Not in general.”

Dan’s stomach drops. Oh fuck.

He open his mouth, but no speech follows. No amount of words can haul himself out of his hole now. Shit.

“I mean-“ he finally speaks again after a silence, and there’s a tremor in his voice that he desperately tries to smooth over. “Oh, shit,” he deflates, feeling the pit of his stomach begin to churn due to the abundance of the night’s alcohol. There’s no point trying to clamber out of the hole he’s just dug himself. He’ll only deepen it.

“Have you really never kissed anyone?” Phil asks in a quieter voice, but he doesn’t sound surprised. Or humoured. Or any other emotion Dan had feared. Just… curious. “Like, at all?”

Dan gulps, the beer a sour swirl in the pit of his stomach. Maybe the sixth bottle was a mistake.

“Well there’s no point denying it now, is there?” Dan finally mumbles, his eyes fixed on a dent in the concrete not far from where they’re sitting. “No. I haven’t.”

The gentle thrum of city engines fills the silence between them, and the three seconds Phil doesn’t say anything for might as well have been days.

“Yep,” Dan breaks the quietness once it borders on unbearable. “There you go. You think I’m a fucking weirdo now, don’t you?”

“Not at all,” Phil replies, and his voice is unusually calm. Dan looks up, his eyes meeting a soft expression, and for some reason he really didn’t expect Phil to react like this.

“So-“ Dan shakes his head. “What? You’re not gonna take the piss? Laugh at me? Say I’m a fucking weirdo that only lied to you to try and look cool?”

The truth scratches his heart, but it needs to be said.

“Why the fuck would I laugh at you?” Phil frowns, and there’s something about the sincerity in his voice that, beneath the turmoil, Dan finds weirdly comforting.

“I mean,” Phil begins. “I’m surprised, don’t get me wrong. Only because you’re an actor and- well, let’s face it, you’re fucking gorgeous too, but-“ he shakes his head. “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I’m the first to say I’d much rather make sure my first kiss means something. If anything, I agree with you on that.”

“You’re not pissed off that I lied to you?” Dan gulps down another mouthful of lukewarm alcohol.

“Of course not, you twat,” Phil says. “I mean, I get why you did, but there was no need to. Really.”

“I know,” Dan sighs, picking at the label on his glass bottle until the paper frays at the edges.

“Wanna know something?” Phil says, his eyes not moving from the soft sweep of stars above them, dimmed by the early morning light.

Dan takes his eyes away from the sky. “What?”

“If you’re a liar, then so am I,” Phil tells the stars.

Dan frowns. “You what?”

Phil’s eyes flick back down to earth, meeting Dan’s gaze. “I lied too.”

Dan gulps, his heart thudding. “About what?”

Phil forces a chuckle, but it’s drained of humour. “Do I have to spell it out to you? I haven’t kissed anyone either.”

The words ring in Dan’s ears moments after, Phil’s voice an echo above the roar of the city below.

“Wait-…” is the only word that passes Dan’s lips in the next passing minute or so. “But-…”

“Yeah,” Phil shrugs. “Turns out you’re not the only one, are you?”

“But-…” Dan shakes his head. “Why did you lie about it too?”

Phil just shrugs and says, “same reasons you did.”

Dan tries, he really tries, to comb through the tangle of confusion in his mind right now, but the best response he can come up with after a moment or two of silence isn’t the most articulate.

“Shit.”

“Yeah,” Phil agrees, and they descend into quietness again.

“Shame, isn’t it?” Phil is the first to break the silence. “That we feel the need to lie about that.”

“It’s society’s fault for making us feel as if being over the age of about fifteen without having shoved a tongue down anyone’s throat is a failure.”

Phil grimaces. “I’ve never understood the attraction of that, you know. Like, I get making out and stuff, but why would you want to literally devour the person next to you? When I saw kissing scenes as a kid I thought they were actually trying to eat each other.”

“I know,” Dan takes a sip of beer, the alcohol slipping down with a little more ease now. “It sounds grim. I don’t know how people do it. At least with acting on stage you don’t have that problem.”

“True,” Phil mirrors his actions, pulling his drink away from his lips and tracing the rim of the bottle with the tip of his thumb, staring down the tube-shaped glass into the remains of the flat beer, swimming lukewarm and flat at the bottom of the bottle. Only when he glances up a few seconds later does Dan realise he’s been staring.

Dan smirks.

“What are you grinning at?”

“Just-…” he shakes his head and shit, he’s definitely had enough to drink tonight. He can feel the alcohol-induced honesty begin leaking through his parted lips and he knows he’ll probably end up saying something he’ll regret tomorrow morning but- oh, fuck it. “The thought of you having never kissed anyone. It just- doesn’t make sense to me like- look at you. How?”

He’s not really sure where the line between a compliment and a very sorry attempt at flirting is drawn but he’s pretty sure he’s fallen somewhere in the middle.

Phil’s gaze lingers a few seconds too long. “I could ask you the same thing. I mean- come on, look at you. A guy like you must have been drowned in opportunities.”

They’re both a bit too drunk, a bit too cold and there’s something about the atmosphere of an empty car park at fuck-knows-o’clock that warps reality just a little. Dan blinks and the city lights don’t unblur and he feels a bit like he’s in a dream.

“Yeah, I-…” he shrugs. “I’ve had my fair share of offers, I won’t lie.”

“I’ll bet,” Phil interjects, and Dan rolls his eyes.

“Oh, don’t act like you haven’t either,” Dan rolls his eyes, but he’s smirking. “I just-… yeah, I dunno. I didn’t really wanna waste it, but I never really found someone I liked enough.”

“That’s nice, that is,” Phil says, and though Dan scours his tone of voice for a trace of sarcasm or mockery, but Phil’s eyes glitter earnestly. “No, like, really. Most teenagers just, you know, dive straight into it. Slam their face against anything with a pulse that crosses their path. But the fact you care enough to wait,” he glances up, eyeing the boy beside him carefully. “That’s rare. Kinda admirable in a way.”

“Were you the same, then?”

Phil nods without any hesitation. “A hundred percent.”

Dan nods understandingly, taking another sip of beer, and the two of them watch the town sleep for a quiet moment before Phil speaks up again.

“Oh, come here,” he stretches out his arms. “You look like you’re seconds away from hypothermia, for Christ’s sake.”

Dan leans into his chest, closing his eyes and snuggling into the Topman denim of Phil’s jacket. “I don’t really think a car park roof is the most suitable drinking spot,” he mumbles, his speech slightly obscured by his rattling jaw.

“Not at five a.m. in December at least,” Phil says. “It’s a lot nicer in summer, I promise.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” Dan says, and the indirect promise that they’ll come out here and do this again makes Phil smile.

It’s quiet, serene and blue, and Dan loses count of the minutes that drip by until he hears Phil’s voice again, shattering his trance dancing on the fragile edge of drunken consciousness.

“Dan?” it’s only a half-whisper, but it still makes him jump.

The younger boy turns his head, his brown hair tousling against Phil’s denim chest until they’re eye-to-eye.

Phil lowers his gaze, but this time his eyes don’t flicker back up to Dan’s. Dan parts his mouth in response, but before he can say anything, there’s a surge forward and a soft pair of lips on his.

A jolt of adrenaline, shock, and a general ‘holy-fucking-shit-this-can’t-be-happening’ feeling shimmers through his body as he kisses back, and despite his embarrassing inexperience when it comes to anything remotely romantic, his lips move perfectly in time with Phil’s, their mouths melting together in flawless harmony.

Phil’s the one to break away, and Dan misses his lips the second the cold morning air touches his mouth. He frowns, studying Phil’s expression half-hidden by his mop of black hair, but the older boy refuses eye contact.

“Shit, I’m sorry, I don’t know what came ov-“

“Don’t apologise,” Dan cuts him off immediately, his hand hovering over Phil’s arm in quiet protest. “Just-…” he gulps. “Do it again,”

Phil’s head snaps up, his eyes boring into the brown stare in mild confusion.

“Please,” Dan mouths, and Phil doesn’t need to be told twice.

They kiss for longer, deeper, slightly parted lips and slow breathing and the teal glow of 5am light and shit, this was certainly worth a seventeen year wait. Phil’s lips feel like warmth and taste like tobacco and he feels a gentle comb of shy fingertips through his hair and yep, he can definitely see what all the fuss is about now.

When they break apart for the second time, all blushes and broken breaths, they’re both grinning. Phil drops his gaze with a bashful chuckle.

“Well,” Dan breathes. He’s still sitting close, their upper arms touching but neither of them really wanting to move away.

“Well,” Phil says, almost in agreement. They’re bathed in silence once again, but this time it’s comfortable.

“I’m not gonna lie,” Dan begins, looking out over the city. “That was definitely worth the wait.”

Phil tilts his head down, their noses almost touching. “Yeah?”

“For sure,” Dan cranes his neck up a little and pecks Phil’s lips again. The other boy grins, pulling his jacket further over Dan’s shoulders.

“We’ll have to do this again sometime then, won’t we?” Phil’s eyes glitter.

Dan grins, glancing at the view spread in front of them. The sun is beginning to awaken and there are fewer streetlights illuminating the land below and it’s cold and wow, they should really think about heading home soon. Dan hasn’t checked his phone in hours and he’s sure it can’t be running on anything much more than a measly four percent.

“Definitely,” he says, then hesitates. “Although, well.”

“Well what?”

Dan flicks his eyes up at the boy above him, tired brown against weary blue.

“Perhaps next time we should choose somewhere a little warmer than a car park,” he says in a soft voice, before adding, “I can barely feel my arse right now.”

Phil bursts out laughing, and then a pair of lips are on his for the third time.

The next couple of weeks rush by in a flurry of rehearsals, meetings, crumpled scripts and weird costumes that itch around the collar. Dan and Phil spend most of their time three storeys apart, meaning secret rendezvous up in the control room or down in the trap room are often necessary. The closer the big day creeps, the hotter the atmosphere becomes with stress, so it’s nice to leave the tension with the stage and the equally tense co-workers and escape for a bit.

“For fear of that, I still will stay with thee, and never from this palace of dim night depart aga- oh for fuck’s sake, you’re not even listening.”

Phil looks up from his phone, a giggling smirk still lingering on his face. “Huh?”

“Come on, Phil. You said you’d go through this with me and you’re sat there playing around with bloody Snapchat filters.”

“Sorry, sorry – I am listening, it’s just-“ his eyes flicker back down to the screen in front of him. “That’s hideous. Who even makes these filters? I look like a toe.”

“Can unflattering photos of you not wait five minutes until I’ve finished this? We’re literally nearly done anyway. We only have, like, one more paragraph to g-” Phil interrupts him by flipping the phone around to face the other boy. A bald, rather unsightly version of Phil with weird eyes stares back. Dan’s eyes widen in horror. “Fuck, that really is hideous.”

“I know,” Phil shudders. “I didn’t even know my face could do that,” he glances back at the screen and pulls a couple of experimental faces. “Would you still be with me if I looked like that?”

“Nope,” Dan replies semi-seriously, rolling his eyes when Phil pouts.

“What about if I looked like this?” Phil turns the phone around. He looks a lot better this time, but a little bit too much like an animal. Dan’s never really understood the national attraction towards ‘dog filters’.

“Probably. The ears might get in the way a bit, though,” he chuckles, before urging, “now come on. We haven’t got long left now.”

Phil agrees, albeit reluctantly. He swings his legs off the table, grabs Dan’s battered highlighted mess of a script sitting in front of him and they pick up from where they left off, something about ‘worms that are thy chamber maids’, ‘everlasting rest’ and ‘inauspicious stars’ (whatever the fuck that adjective means). They last a grand total of fifteen seconds before Dan’s voice is interrupted by a shriek of laughter.

“Oh, fucking hell that’s bad!” Phil cackles. Dan groans, wondering for a fleeting second where the best place to launch Phil’s phone might be.

“That’s it,” he loses it, suddenly leaping across the table and swiping the irritating rectangle of interest straight from Phil’s hand. His smile vanishes in seconds.

“Aw, what?!”

“You have five seconds to put this stupid fucking thing away, or else it’s going out there,” he points to the window behind them. Phil follows his gaze, his eyes widening. They can see the majority of the town from up here. That’s a long drop.

He turns his head back around. They’re nose-to-nose, eye-to-eye.

“Fine,” Phil smiles, the tips of their noses brushing together. “But just so you know, seeing you angry just makes me want to kiss you more.”

Dan rolls his eyes, but he can’t hide his smirk. “Are you still gonna want to kiss me when your phone ends up on the ground?”

“What do you mean ‘when’? I’ve put it away now,” he points to the bulge in his back pocket.

Dan fixes him with a glare.

“Come on,” Phil leans forward as Dan leans back. “Just one?” he pleads, his eyes big and blue.

He shakes his head and pulls away, a grin curling at his lips. His eyes flicker back to Phil, a brown gaze that lingers too long.

“Afterwards,” he says in a voice like velvet.

Phil rolls his eyes, flopping back onto the chair. “Fine. Bloody hell, it’s like being back at school.”

Dan pretends not to hear that last comment. “Come on, we’ll take it from “world-wearied flesh…”

Phil’s phone doesn’t move once from his pocket after that. The promise of Dan’s lips after rehearsal is more tempting than any filter some dumb app has to offer.

“How do I look?”

Phil eyes him up and down, a smirk playing at his lips. “Hot.”

The comment receives a soft punch to his upper arm.

“Behave,” Dan turns back to the mirror, twining a lock of perfectly sprayed hair that he was specifically instructed not to touch around his fingers. “Are you sure? I feel like I look like a-“

He’s interrupted by a pair of soft lips for a few seconds.

“That’s really not helping the nerves,” Dan breathes once they break away.

Phil grins. “You look fine. You know you do. Now quit playing with your hair before Alexa sees.”

Dan doesn’t think Alexa, the make-up artist, is capable of seeing anything that isn’t within a thirty-centimetre radius of her own face right now. She’s been hurrying around backstage all evening; powdering this, curling that, flitting from actor-to-actor so quickly it makes Dan out of breath to even watch her. She certainly hasn’t done a bad job though, he thinks, as he inspects his reflection. A slightly dishevelled, 15th-century version of himself stares back, all weird leather and burgundy velvet and wow, perhaps he should sport an Elizabethan tunic more often.

“Suits you,” Phil smiles as if he’d read his mind. Dan adjusts the collar accordingly.

“D’you reckon?”

“Yeah,” Phil eyes him up and down again. “Most people here kinda look like twats in their costume, but you really actually pull that off.”

“Um- thanks? I think?” Dan smirks, frowning at his reflection. He doesn’t mention it has anything to do with his long-standing ability to morph into literally anyone he likes (he’d often been described by many make-up artists as having a “chameleon face” which he hopes is a reference to his adaptability to blend into multiple characters as opposed to resembling a lizard), and instead accepts the ever-so-slightly backhanded compliment.

“What are you doing down here?” someone with an updo the size of Jupiter asks Phil, sauntering past in something that really rather resembles a cupcake. Phil was right, Dan thinks. They do look a bit ridiculous. “They need you upstairs in five minutes.”

“Oh shit,” Phil glances at his watch. “Okay. Gotta go before Nick kills me.”

“Alright,” Dan smiles, pulling him in for a quick hug.

“Good luck,” he whispers into his shoulder. “You’ll fucking kill it.”

Dan tightens his grip around his arms. “Thank you.”

The word has multiple other meanings, and judging by the glitter in Phil’s eye when he pulls away, he thinks he understands every single one.

That night, Dan lavishes in warm spotlights and painted wooden sets resembling palaces and balconies, and he feels alive.

That night, the finest Elizabethan literature spills from his lips, flowing as easily as water, his voice shaping every monologue, soliloquy and duologue perfectly.

That night, there are another pair of lips on his; only this time painted red and totally professional. It feels strange, alien, and not a single trace of the spark in his heart that Phil’s lips ignite can be found, but it’s work. It’s courage.

And that night, someone up in the control booth watches through the pane of glass over all the light boards and buttons and wires, and smiles.

As if it’s been almost a year since my last oneshot??? Wtf this must CHANGE I’m getting back into writing (properly this time I swear) so there’s a lot more where this came from. Feedback is always appreciated whether it be good or bad so pls let me know how you found this! Feels so good to be doing this again u have nooo idea holy shit <3

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #phan au #danisnotonfire #amazingphil #dan and phil #i really hope this is ok i'm so nervous about posting lol #pls pls pls let me know what you think #it's been a while since i've written fic properly i rllly wanna get back into it

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code-error-606 · 7 years

Text

RFA REACTS TO AN MC WHO HAS A LOT OF FRIENDS (MOSTLY BOYS)

ZEN • You invite him once to hang out with some friends of yours • He would be like 'yeah, why not?' • At first he was a little surprised to see that all your friends were boys • But he tried to be fine about it • Well... It's just a dinner and movies, what can happen? • BOY HE WAS WRONG • The second you all were at the restaurant, there was a boy who was all touchy with you • Zen was practically burning inside • And not in a nice way • All those "friends" of you, were totally FLIRTING in front of him • He tried to give him some hints that he was ACTUALLY your boyfriend • Like kissing your cheek, resting his hands on your leg, and asking you to feed him • Couple things, you know? • But damn, those boys didn't understand what the word "COUPLE" meant • He was tired at the moment you all got into the cinema • So when the movie just started • He called your name out loud • “MC” • “What's wrong Z-?” • His lips where on yours • Your friends were all like 'Ew' • But at least now it was all clear YOOSUNG • This guy would be so shy about it • I mean, when you told him about your day you always talk about guys • A lot of manly names, a lot of manly stories about them • He was happy you were dating him • But still... He was not confident • What if you liked another guy and just decided to leave him? • Just thinking about it, made him sad • So one day just decided to join you when you told him you were going out • Of course you were happy about that • Finally you could present him to your friends • So when you both went to the mall, where your group of friends awaited • He was shocked when all those boys recognized him instantly • “Oh! So you are THE guy” • “MC talks about you like 24/7” • “Finally we met you” • Yoosung was so shy about this • And secretly proud of himself • “Yeah, I'm the guy” JAEHEE • Jaehee at first was like totally cool about that • I mean, she was working with mostly men • She was happy with your happiness • She knew that no men could get between you both • Your relationship was strong • It was always been you two in a world full of men • Who needs them anyway? lol JUMIN • “A lady shouldn't be around a lot of men, MC” • “Jumin, those are my friends” • He was secretly jealous • Always asking you what were you always doing with them • His face said 'Im cool with it's • But on the inside • God • He was burning in jealousy, and thinking in a thousand ways to ruin those men lifes • He wouldn't dare tbh • He knows your friends are special to you, so he didn't wanted you to be mad at him • You knew of course • He was totally jealous, and he couldn't even hide it • So one day when you both were having lunch together, he low-key asked you if you had any plans with your friends • You just laughed • He was cute • Jealous Jumin Han was cute • “I love you, Jumin” • “...Was I that obvious?” • “Kind of” • He was a little jealous but • He knew you were his anyway SAEYOUNG/707/LUCIEL • Tbh • At least one of you two needed to have a social life • So you having a lot of friends was good for both • He was not worried at all • I mean, he did a background check to all those guys you met • Just in case one of them was a psycho or something • Checked all their moves • And poor of them if they tried a move on you • HE WOULD TOTALLY MAKE THEM SUFFER • Like that boy who tried to kiss you even though you reject him • That poor boy was still traumatized with ants • Seven may or may not have put ants on his entire house • Even his car • No proofs tho • So he was totally cool with any of your friends • As long they don't try to pass the friend line

#mystic messenger #mysme #mystic messenger 707 #707 #mystic messenger jumin #jumin han #zen #mystic messenger zen #yoosung #kim yoosung #jaeehee kang #mystic messenger headcanon #headcanon

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knb-holy-universe-blog · 7 years

Note

Oh yes, I definitely love this guy! I love almost everyone in KnB tho, but this one has a special place in the "kokoro" xD But I'ma request a different char since you're already doing something with Mayuzumi~ how about a scenario with Takao, where he's in love with his girl childhood friend but won't dare confess since he's afraid of ruining their friendship, but truth is she's in love w/ him too and also won't confess for the same reasons~ & no pressure dear, I know you won't ever disappoint ;)

Thank you; your messages really touch me. Chihiro has a speacial place in my kokoro too everytime i see a picture of him, i got a nostalgia feeling, i feel so sad for him Bae :’( . I really hope that you like the story i wrote

P.s: I apologize for the late replay darling

My charmingprince:

Hé friend! Tell me when did you just stop being afriend and make all your way to steal my heart. It was just for a second that Ileft my guard down and…

I was crying as always, after being bullied because ofmy dialect, my clothes also. Yeah I wasn’t a city girl, I came from a paradise,a village in Kyushu “Minamioguni” and I was proud but I shouldn’t be too proudback then. I just moved to Tokyo, a 10 years old girl, thinking that thingswould be the same or even better than in my hometown. I found myself beingmocked, bullied because I wasn’t from Tokyo. School, I set alone, nobody talkedto me and nobody noticed me. All Kids my age were afraid to be questioned bythe teacher but me, no I was happy because the teacher was the only one whospoke to me, I always watched him whispering : “Teacher notice me, talk to me,break the loneliness around me…”. This was my daily life until HE came, a boyfull of life, full of energy, HE smiled and TALKED to me and then my lonely dayshad an end.

This is how everything started.

“Takao, do you think we should watch The true Historyor Me and my Love?, I can’t pick one because both seem boring”

“Mmm let’s watch Me and my Love it may have somecomedy scenes in it”

“You’re right” You said smiling to him

You’re going to the cinema with him, he invited youlast week end but you didn’t know that they will be diffusing only these twomovies, you wanted some comedy, some action and maybe some horror but nothistory or worse romance. You always hated those movies where the popular guyfall for the unpopular girl and do anything to win her heart, confessing,getting jealous and all No things don’t turn out this way in reality

After all, it doesn’t turn out this way for you, youknow this guy for years, you fell for him from the start, it didn’t take solong to steal your heart away. You were ready to confess two years ago whenyour friend stopped you telling you that first you have to make sure that helikes you. You started stalking him, following him around and seeing how hetreats other BUT he treated you the same way as others, no he doesn’tlike you back, he just acts this way because it’s just his Attitude.

Your friend said that there’s some friends whoconfessed to each other and ended up together but in some cases they gotrejected and could not be friends Anymore. The rejection part it wasokay for you because you already know that if you like someone, he doesn’tnecessary like you back. But not being friends with him anymore NO NO youcould never ever accept this, after all he’s your first and only true friendand if burying your feelings deep inside you is the price to pay for havingsuch a friend then it’s worth it’s really worth it.

Since that day you’re holding yourself back, forcingyourself to just be friends with him and even that night in the cinema you keptdoing this:

“The movie was nice, we judged it too early” he said

“Mmm it wasn’t that bad but it wasn’t that nice too”

“Why not? It was a beautiful story, it started just bya friendship and turned to the most beautiful love story. I don’t see why youdon’t like it”

“Because it’s too unrealistic” you shouted

“Heinn! Really? It often happens in friendship wherethey both fall for each other” before he could express himself more, you spoke:

“Yeah and often happens where one of them confessed,got rejected and worse got excluded from their lives”

As you finished speaking, you noticed somethingchanging his eyes, it was a kind of sadness like a light was shut down in hiseyes, he was looking disappointed maybe but why?

“Are you okay Takao” you asked

He was still looking away but after a few seconds, hesmiled and got back to his normal self:

“Mmm you’re right, let’s say that sometimes it worksout between friends but sometimes it just doesn’t”

You nodded: “That’s right”

You were in front of his door, you were both talkingand didn’t notice that he has arrived to where he lives.

“Aah here you are Takao, I still having a few metersto walk before getting home. Good night and thanks for the movie”

“Good night” he said

You turned a little bit upset that he didn’t offer towalk you home as he always does but he called you again:

“ (Name) you know, lucky are the ones that works outfor them” he just said these words and entered his house. Letting you outthere, confused and still he didn’t offer to walk you home. You sighed,starting to question yourself:

“What does it mean?”, “Maybe he likes me back?”, “Nono never, waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit, oh god no, maybe he likes another friend?”

You hurried, took your phone out and called yourfriend:

“(Friend name) I’m sorry for calling you at this timebut I really need to ask you something about Takao?”

“Mmm ok, what is it?”

“I think that he loves someone, because ( you told herthe whole story), what do you think?” after telling her the story, you alreadyarrived at your place but you didn’t want to enter, you wanted to hear yourfriend’s answer in all privacy.

“Mmm yeah probably, he’s willing to confess to her butwith your words I guess that you’re making him more skeptical”

“So, this is how things look like? He really lovesanother friend of him?” your ton has changed as you started to feel your bodygetting weak

“(Name) what’s wrong with you? I thought that wetalked about this two years ago, you said that this story is finished and thatyou already closed the book. You said that the only thing that matters is thatyou’re still his friends So what happened”

She was right, I’ve already make up my mind two yearsago, I decided to bury my feelings in order to still be his friend, why I’m Ithis greedy and selfish? I have to accept that there’s a difference betweenfriends and lovers: Friends SUPPORT each other while lovers LOVE each other. Hewas my first friend, he saved me, he helped me and changed my whole life,thanks to him that I’m not lonely anymore and that’s why I should show mygratitude by supporting him.

You were all decided to bring up that topic and tellhim that you’re supporting him and even you’re ready to speak to this girl ifhe doesn’t have the courage to.

“Ta-ka-ooo ohayooo” You said in a cheering mood

“(Na-me)” he yelled back

“How are you doing today?”

“Alright, I’m sorry for last night, I was a totaljerk, I forgot to walk you home”

You were surprised:

“No no never mind, it’s okay, it’s not that far youknow”

“Yeah but still though, I have to walk you home. Thisis how it works in Dates”

Your eyes were wide opened in surprise and when he sawyour expression, he changed the topic quickly because he didn’t want to makeyou uncomfortable

“(Name) you’re good with physics?”

You blinked a few times before nodding

“Great, you’ll help me study right? I feel so leftbehind just because I missed two classes”

“Of course, you can count on me” You smiled

“I have to go now Takao” You tried to leave

He grabbed your hand: “Do you have something to donow?”

“N.. Nothing” you said nervously

“Then why did you say that you have to go?”

“Mmm because I don’t want to bother you, You usuallylike to spend the lunch break with Midorima no?”

He laughed, “You can just say that you don’t want tospend the break with me?”

“No nooo never say that You idiot, you know how much Ienjoy myself with you”

“Mmmm really?” he started to tease you

“Taaaaaaakaooo you know it”

“Haha yeah I know, I just like it when you make thisexpression it’s just so cute”

He took your hand: “Come on, let’s play a card game”

You had no choice but to accept. Why is he makingthings this hard for you? If he likes another girl, why is he doing this? Can’the tell that you may fall for him if he keeps treating you like that? A girl isreally sensitive and fragile, she could easily get carried on by thesegestures.

After the lunch break, you got back to your classstaring at your friend:

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing” you mumbled

She sighed:

“If this is the part where I must beg you to tell mewhat’s wrong, I think I’ll pass I’m too tired”

You were sulking

“Pffff fine please tell me what’s wrong?”

“Mmm Takao” you whispered

“I can’t hear you”

“Akao” you whispered again and she got mad

“Speak clearly or shut the fuck up” she screamedmaking you tremble

“It’s Takao” you raised your voice a little bit

“Again” she sighed

“I’m really sorry but he grabbed my hand and playedwith me card games”

“And so…”

“So euuuh” you couldn’t find proper words

“(Name) what’s wrong with you? Can you just get overit?”

“No it’s just that lately things are harder thanbefore, he’s giving me so much attention and I can’t control myself anymore”you started crying

She took you in her arms and hugged you:

“You must control your feelings, take a break from himnow and everything will be alright”

“Fine” you said

After this day you started avoiding Takao, it was theweek end so you went shopping with your friend but he didn’t stop calling you.

“Takao give me a break please” you said as you lookedat your phone, like asking if you could pick or not.

“Ok see what he wants”

You quickly picked up: “Mochi mocha Takao”

“Heyy (Name) where are you?”

“I’m in the shopping mall with (friend Name), why?”

“Aaah really?” he was surprised and a little upset

“Why?” you asked again

“You said you’ll help me with physics”

You covered your mouth with your hand in surprise:“I’m really sorry I completely forget”

He sighed: “It’s okay, I’ll just ask Shin chan forhelp”

“Noo no wait, I’ll be done in a few minutes” yourfriend was looking at you surprised as you said those words, “Meet me in myhouse after an hour ok?”

He laughed: “ Perfect” and then he hung up

You wanted to turn and face your friend, but such ascary dark aura was coming out from her, you didn’t dare to turn but she puther hand on your shoulder and made you turn. You closed your eyes and bowed:

“I’m really sorry but I need to help him, I promisedhim that day”

“Ohh really!” she was speaking with such devilishvoice

You were so scared: “I swear we’ll only study”

“Dare to say that you did more than study and I swearI’ll write “Study” in the shopping mall with your blood”

You backed off: “No worries, let’s go eat some icecream”

She liked ice cream so you thought that this couldcalm her but she kept her devilish aura during the whole walk until you wereabout to say goodbye:

“(Name) really don’t screw everything up, I don’t wantto see you broken”

You hugged her: “Don’t worry just study”

You entered your house repeating “Just study” , yougot to your room to make sure that everything is in place, a few minutes laterTakao came in.

“Hello (Name)” he said as loudly as always but hefound you repeating some weird things (Just study)

“(Name) if you don’t feel alright, I can go”

“No no everything is cool, we’re just going to Study”you said with a creepy laugh

“(Name) are you possessed or something?” he asked withan awkward expression

“Haha no, why are you asking?” your laugh was evenmore creepy this time

“You’re scaring me you know”

You started to laugh again so he got close to you andstarted a tickle fight, you were laughing so hard while trying to tickle himbut he always won in this game even this time, which causes the room to befilled up only with your laughing

“Now it’s your beautiful natural laugh” He said whilegiving you a bright smile

You stopped laughing and looked at him, he was lookingat you and it was really awkward but thanks god, your mom came in:

“Here are some cookies, hot chocolate drink and somesnacks for the hardest working students”

“Thanks mom” you said but you were surprised when youheard Takao saying:

“Thank you so much Mom”

You were friends for so long and he used to come toyour place but he never called your mother “Mom”

Suddenly, (Friend Name)’s face came to your mind andyour head got filled up again with “Just study” but you stopped yourself frombeing creepy this time

“Let’s just study Takao” you said

“I’ll leave you now, study well kids” She said as sheclosed the door

“So if I remember well, you missed just those twoclasses”

“Yes ma’am” he said trying to put a pleasantatmosphere

“Fine, it’s easy I’ll just explain it to you in notime” you said as you opened the book and your notes of physics

You were explaining to him with such enthusiasm, itwas rare for him to ask you for help, it’s always the other way around so oncehe does this, you gave it your all because you really want to show him howgrateful you are to him.

“Done, Do you have any questions?” You asked

“No no at all, thanks to you” He smiled to you

“Are you sure? I mean you asked no questions and…” Hecut you off

“I’m sure, let’s eat something”

You both took a cookie and started eating whiledrinking the chocolate that became so cold.

“Maybe I should tell Mom to warm it up for us”

“No she’ll get angry to know that we let it get cold”he said amused at this situation

“Mmm you’re right”

He knew so many things about your life, the way yourparents would react, the way you would react, you were so close, you were bestfriends but silently you’re wishing to be More

After some time, he left. You wanted to hold him fordinner but you knew you shouldn’t. You called your friend:

“Hi! I just wanted to let you know that we juststudied BUT”

She was about to scream when you cut her off:

“Wait but all the time he was staring at me, he didn’task any question and he was just looking at me. Honestly I think that healready understood the lesson but just wanted….”

You really wished to continue, to say that maybe hejust wanted to be with you and it was just an excuse but you had no confidence,no you knew him for so long and if he wanted to be with you, he just could havedone it already so no ….

“I’m sorry” you said and your voice started to sound alittle desperate while on the other line, a volcano was ready to explode,

“Listen bitch, what did I say?”

“I know I knowI’m sorry, I will avoid him like really avoid him from tomorrow and on”

You spoke with such honesty that the volcano calmeddown:

“Then it’s okay”

“Sure, this is how things must be after all” You voicewas sending away regrets and remorse.

“It’s for the best, I don’t want you to be hurt”

“I know” You voice was still sounding desperate

“Ok, one last time” she shouted

You were surprised: “What one last time?”

“I said one last time, I mean you can try it out onelast time”

You couldn’t believe your ears, you friend is giving youthe green light but even though you were skeptical about this whole thing.

“I’m not sure if I should, after all he may like afriend but not me”

“Yeah and that’s why you’ll try to ask him startingfrom tomorrow”

“Ask him what?” you panicked

“Don’t worry, ask him some personal questions”

You panicked more: “What kind?”

“It’s obvious no idiot? Like do you like someone? Whatkind of girls do you like? Do you have exes?” She said proudly

“No it’s just too personal, I don’t see myself askinghim this kind of questions”

She laughed: “Ah really! How do you want to be hisgirlfriend then? You know, relationships are different then friendships, inrelationship you have to sweet talk to each other, feel jealous and show it,sometimes dirty talk if not always”

Her last words made you scream: “Whattttt!! Dirtytalk! How? Why?”

She sighed: “Don’t worry, if Takao likes you then he’sgoing to teach you”

You felt a little shy about this idea but deep insideyou, you wished if it was real.

“Then tomorrow I will try” you mumbled

“Aha that’s the spirit” she yelled before hanging up

You liked this friend, if she wants to push you up shereally could but if she wants to push you far she could do it too. It’s likeshe was really gifted with words and you liked it this side of her.

Tomorrow lunch break:

You went to Takao class, you found him laughing whileteasing Midorima.

“Ohayo Takao” You tried to be as loud as always but theconversation you prepared for hours in your room made you a little terrified

“Hi (Name), something’s wrong?” He asked

“No no no, why?” You tried to fake a smile and it wasjust obvious

“Is there something you want to say?” he asked againbut a little more worried this time

“There’s nothing, absolutely nothing” You tried evenharder to fake that smile

“I need to go to do something Nanodayo” the greenhaired boy said as he was leaving. You knew that he left just to make youcomfortable with Takao and it was very embarrassing for you.

You sat on a chair while thinking of an excuse becausenow you know that you look like you’re hiding something.

“So?” he asked again

You sighed: “Pfff ok, it’s just that my classmatelikes a boy here and he doesn’t like her back, she told me her story earlierand that’s why I feel sad for her”

It was the only excuse you found and you thought thatit was the best because, you could make it look like you’re sad for her and onthe other hand, you can bring up your daring questions.

“Aaah it must be tough for her” He said as he waslooking at the window

“Totally”

You were trying with all your power to bring up thosequestions but the words were more and more heavier for your mouth that youstayed silent.

“Do you have someone like that?” he broke the silent

“Heiin?” you asked in surprise, blinking and wonderingif you heard him right

“I asked if you have someone that you like” You wereturning into a tomato, a good quality tomato, you see the one really red

You lost all your means, you were nervous and theworst, you couldn’t even look at him in the eye

“I have someone like that” He said

You were shocked, you felt a pain in your chest, adeep sorrow taking over your body, you wanted to ask who that person was butyou were too scared.

(Please Takao, you can like someone else but forgod’s sake do it in silence, don’t let me know or else I’ll be really inpieces)

Your head down, this is all you wanted to say to himbut you already knew you never would. You raised your head, facing him.

“Aaah that’s a good thing. Love must be a greatfeeling” You ignored from where this power come to your body but you weregrateful that it came

“No at all, it’s amazing when it’s a shared feelingbut if it’s one sided feeling then it’s tiring” he smiled, a sad smile not thatusual bright one

You were looking sad, anybody would tell that thisnews dragged you down.

“Do you think I should confess? Do you think that shemay like me back?” He added to your pain

At this moment, you wanted more than anything, yeahabsolutely more than anything to hold him back but jeez how many times was hethere for you? How many times he helped you? How much he gave you? “FRIENDSsupport each other and it was all”. And now, if you’re a real friend then youmust support him.

You clenched your fist letting go all your anger thenyou relaxed and faked a smile, but this one was much more convincing:

“Totally, you should confess to her. I don’t know ifyou’ve been told this or not but I think that any girl, yeah any girl wouldfall for you because why the hell not. She’ll never find better than you,you’ll be there for her whenever she needs, you’ll support her and cheer her upwhen in need and you will love her with your all so just tell me why wouldn’tshe like you back. Be confident and if she was stupid enough to reject you thenjust know that she doesn’t really know you so give her some time to see throughyou and she’ll be yours that’s for sure”

You were surprised at your own words, you could speakboldly and express your feelings freely. Yes you may regret it because you’repushing him to go to another girl but hell he deserves to be happy and you’llhelp him to be happy even if it means Happy but not with you

The bell rang and you were happy for the first time inyour life to hear it. You tuned to the door:

“Looks like I need to go now, good luck with yourconfession” you wanted to walk away when he grabbed your hand, turned you tohim and kissed you.

“O.M.G God please don’t wake me up if it’s a dream”this the only thing that was playing on in your head right now. You wereshocked and surprised but very happy, he was your first love and now your firstkiss.

He got closer to your ears and whispered: “I love youand I won’t accept other than ‘I love you too” as a response, it’s you whopushed me to confess and guaranteed a positive answer no?”

You pulled back: “What! I don’t understand”, youwondered if he’s joking or being serious now

“Ohhh (Name) it’s hard to finally say it and you wantme to repeat it” he pouted, “You’re the one I like, I really hope that you feelsomething for me too , at least give me a chance to show you my all as yousaid”

Wait, is this real! The students started to enter theclassroom, it wasn’t the place or the moment to talk about this but you couldn’tlet him without answer. You approached him and whispered in his ear: “I loveyou too”

He was shocked and you wondered why, you wanted to askbut you knew you couldn’t. You walked out the class while waving to him but hewas just staring at you with that weird look on his face. Once you made sure hecan’t see you anymore, you started running in the hallway to meet your friend,you could hear “ don’t run in the hallway”, “You’re in high school not inkindergarten” but you were too happy to pay attention to them. You saw yourfriend, she was playing with her phone, you rushed to her and moved the phoneaway from her. It’s like you pushed the death button on, she gave you a deathglare and prepared herself to give you a punch or slap you, you weren’t reallysure but before she could move, you shouted: “He said he loves me”

All the students that were there looked at youconfused and at your surprise, a voice spoke: “Your love life doesn’t interestus, you better save that energy and excitement for your studies”.

You recognized that voice, it was the teacher’s voice.God you were so embarrassed so you told your friend that you’ll tell her thewhole story after class. You took your seat, opened your book when you feltyour phone vibrates in your pocket. You wanted just to check who was it, and itwas Takao. No, you don’t usually do that, read texts in class, maybe you do itsometimes but not always. As you read it, your eyes opened widely:

“(Name) I swear I can’t describe how happy I am, Inever thought that you loved me, I was checking all the time on the internetthe signs that tell if you have a chance with a girl. And according to it, Ihad some slight chances, this is why I decided to try my luck this time. I meanit’s been so long that I wanted to try It out, to tell you how I feel but I wasterrified that you wouldn’t feel the same and would take your distance with mewhich I can’t accept. (Name) I just can’t accept it, I know you for so long andI can’t bear to lose you but I guess that Shin chan was right, he said thattoday I have luck, I don’t usually believe it but it turned out to be real.Well, I’d be happy if you could come to watch me practice, having you with mewill boost my skills”.

You were so happy, a sparkle could be seen in youreyes. He was feeling the same for you and he didn’t act for the same reasons.Both of you loved each other and kept it hidden because you were too afraid toruin this friendship, you could never be more blessed.

You were so excited, you had so much to say, you wereabout to start typing when you felt a hand taking your phone away.

“Confiscated until the end of class” It was yourteacher.

Whyyy? I always played games in class, send texts (youfinally confessed) but I was never caught up and today, when I really need to textsomeone I was caught.

Life is unfair, but no, not for you maybe you can’ttext him now but you have him all for yourself and it’s something you alwayswished, let’s say your most precious wish was granted. And yeah sometimes thelove stories you see in movies may really happen in real life, at least it didfor you. He’s not riding a horse, he doesn’t do poetry or say romantic sweettalks but yet he’s a charming prince, he’s your charming prince.

#takao x reader #takao kazunari #friendship #love #knb #kuroko no basket #fanfiction

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