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castawaycat · 1 year

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The Tales of a Little Tiger: Chapter 7- Wandering Tiger

I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to update this story. I plan on writing a Christmas chapter soon, but I'm not sure if I will be able to post it in time for Christmas. I hope everyone has a lovely holiday.

Wanda packed a backpack for you full of diapers, extra clothes, and breastmilk. Today your aunt Yelena and Kate were going to take you to the zoo. This would also be the first time since the daycare incident that you would be away from Wanda and Nat.

“I think you’ve packed enough for y/n to spend the week with her aunts.” Natasha joked as she winked at Wanda who just rolled her eyes.

“I want to make sure that they have everything they need to take care of y/n.” Wanda responded as she placed your backpack next to your stroller. She was nervous to let you out of her sight.

Natasha wrapped her arms around her girlfriend, “she’s going to be in good hands. Besides, we get to have some time to ourselves.” She said as she placed a kiss on Wanda's soft lips.

—-----

“Ugh gross… You can’t even wait until we’ve left to start your fun.” Yelena walked into the apartment shielding her eyes from Wanda and Nat kissing. She pretended that she was grossed out; but she found it cute that her sister was happy.

Natasha laughed as she pulled away from Wanda who was blushing slightly. “I’m going to go get y/n. Wanda is going to go through everything that y/n might need.”

You were dressed in your tiger onesie sitting on your play mat quietly stacking blocks. You jumped a little when your mama leaned down to pick you up. “Mama.” You babbled happily as you clung to her.

“Hello my little tiger. Are you ready to go to the zoo with your aunties?” Natasha asked you as she carried you to the living room.

You squealed in excitement and clapped your hands as you saw that your aunt Kate and Yelena were also wearing tiger onesies to match you. “Mama!” You looked at Nat with happiness as you pointed to your aunts.

“I know, little one. Your aunties have dressed up as tigers to match you at the zoo. I want you to stay with your aunties at all times. Make sure to stay in your stroller or hold their hand. Do you understand me, little tiger?” Natasha asked you as she handed you over to her sister.

You nodded your head in understanding. Right now your headspace was around two years old and you were able to walk and say a few words. You always understood what you were told; but talking came harder to you in little space.

“Please take good care of her. She has a habit of wandering off when something interesting catches her eye, so please keep an eye on her. She is slowly eating solids again so make sure to offer her snacks throughout the day. I’ve also packed breastmilk for her if she refuses to eat or becomes fussy. If you need anything please don’t hesitate to call us.” Natasha said as she buckled you into your carseat in Kate's car. She was beginning to feel panicked about letting you go.

“Relax Natasha. Y/n is in good hands. We will take care of her and she will have a great time with her aunties. Now go and have fun now that you have the apartment to yourself. You’ve been kind of moody and tense lately.” Yelena joked with her sister.

Natasha laughed as she closed the car door and yelled out to her sister, “I have not been moody.”

Wanda grabbed Natasha’s hand and pulled her towards the apartment. “You have been a little moody and tense.”

—------------------

Yelena and Kate bought you a balloon in your favorite color and tied it to your stroller as they pushed your stroller through the entrance of the zoo. You were so excited to see all the animals, especially the tigers and big cat exhibits.

It was the fall so it was the perfect temperature outside, you loved feeling the wind blow against your face. Kate made sure that she offered you snacks and water throughout the day, but so far you had refused everything given to you. You were much too excited to see everything to bother eating.

You had started to feel fussy as you had been sitting in your stroller for what felt like hours and you wanted to get out and explore the zoo for yourself. You let out a fussy cry as you kicked your feet.

“Malen'kiy (little one), what’s wrong?” Yelena asked as she stepped in front of the stroller and gave you her full attention.

“Out.” You whined as you tried to unbuckle yourself.

“Oh, you want out. Okay I’m going to get you out but you need to hold onto Kate’s hand. There are a lot of people and we don’t want you to get lost.” Yelena spoke firmly to you as she unbuckled you from the stroller. As she lifted you out, she noticed that your diaper was full and that you were due for a diaper change.

Kate laughed at Yelena who was making a dreadful look at realizing that you needed to be changed. There wasn’t much that the blonde couldn’t handle, but diaper changes always got the best of her. “Here my love. I will change y/n and we will meet you at the bear exhibit.” She said as she took you in her arms much to your aunt Yelena’s relief.

You babbled happily as your aunt Kate changed your diaper in the private little/caregiver bathroom. It was a family bathroom equipped with a changing table made specifically for littles. It also had a toilet and sink for caregivers to use.

“Are you excited to see the bears? Are you having fun?” Kate asked you as she tickled your belly before zipping up your onesie.

“Kitty!” You squealed as that was what you were most excited to see. You loved bears and the other animals; but you were getting restless. You wanted to see all the big kitties.

You held Kate’s hand as she walked you out of the bathroom. “Kitty.” You said on repeat as you pointed at the sign that had a picture of a tiger and a lion on it.

“We’re going to see the kitties later y/n, but right now we need to meet up with Yelena at the Bears.” Kate said as she led you the opposite direction away from the big tiger sign.

Kate looked around her surroundings as she tried to figure out where the bear exhibit was. It had only been a second that she had let go of your hand. She reached into the diaper bag and pulled out the map of the zoo. By the time she had figured out what direction to go you had already wandered off.

Frantically she looked everywhere trying to spot you in a crowd full of people, “Oh god. Yelena, Wanda and Natasha are all going to kill me!” Kate said as she called out your name and looked everywhere for you. How hard was it to find a little dressed as a tiger?

—--------------

Wanda moaned loudly as Natasha kissed and nipped behind her ear. “Please.” She begged as her hips rocked back and forth.

Natasha smirked as she kissed along Wanda’s neck all the way down to her collarbone. She left small marks along pale skin. She loved hearing her girlfriend beg for her touch. “What’s wrong baby?”

Wanda’s eyes were dilated and looked wild as she was insanely turned on. It had been so long since she had orgasmed and she was growing needier by the second. “I want you.” A whimper left her lips as she felt Natasha’s lips capture her nipple.

“How do you want me, baby?” Natasha asked as she slowly kissed and licked her way down Wanda’s body. She bit her lip and moaned when she saw just how wet she had made her girlfriend. She couldn’t wait to get a taste.

“Nat, please just fuck me! I don’t care how.” Wanda’s back arched as she let out a deep cry of ecstasy as Natasha thrusted two fingers into her pussy that was already dripping. She hadn’t expected Natasha to give in so easily.

“Fuck Wands, you’re so wet and tight baby.” Nat moaned as she leaned in and slowly tasted the sweet juices flowing between Wanda’s legs. She smirked as she used her other hand to hold the redhead in place. “Be a good girl or I’ll stop.”

Wanda’s legs trembled as she did her best to keep her legs open. She could feel her orgasm approaching but under her pleasure she began to feel anxious. Her mind immediately went to you and she clamped her legs shut and pushed Nat away.

“Wanda? What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?” Natasha asked as she sat up on her knees. She was worried that she had hurt her girlfriend or triggered her.

“I think something is wrong with y/n!” Wanda said as she sat up and started looking for her clothes. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong.

“Baby, I’m sure things are okay. Yelena and Kate would’ve called if something happened.” Natasha said as she tried to keep her girlfriend calm. Surely her sister would call if something happened. Now she was second guessing her sister.

“Crap.” Natasha cursed as she looked down at her phone and saw that she had multiple missed calls from Kate and Yelena. “I’m gonna kill them.” She growled as she began to follow Wanda’s lead and get dressed.

————

Yelena and Kate were running around the zoo freaking the fuck out as they still couldn’t find you. They had informed the zoo staff that you were missing and they had left several voice messages on your girlfriend’s phones.

“My sister is going to kill me.” Yelena said as she looked down at her phone that was ringing in her hand. Taking a deep breath she answered her phone.

“What happened? Have you found her?” Natasha’s voice trembled as she hoped to hear some good news.

“We haven’t found her yet. Tasha, I’m sorry. We’ve let the staff know and the police have already been informed.” Yelena said as she held Kate's hand. She felt like she had let her sister down.

“We’re on our way.” Natasha said as she tried to calm down. It took everything in her not to yell at her sister. Fighting wasn’t going to help them find you.

————-

Loud screams of panic caused chills to spread down Yelena and Kate's spine as they looked towards the chaos.

“Fuck!” Yelena cursed as she ran towards the big cat exhibit. She felt her heart sink as her eyes landed on you petting a tiger within the tiger exhibit. The blonde continued to curse under her breath as she fought through the crowd that had formed around the exhibit.

You sat in the middle of all three tigers and ran your fingers through the largest tigers soft fur. You giggled in delight as you felt the rumble of his purrs and happy chirps. You covered your ears as you looked up and saw people pointing and yelling at you and your tiger friends.

Your tiger friends stood up and let out a protective growl as they walked around you and gave displeased looks towards the zoo staff and the crowd of people surrounding their exhibit. To them you were one of their cubs and they would protect you at all cost.

—------

Wanda did her best to keep calm the moment she saw you sitting inside the tiger exhibit. She could tell that the crowd of people was only making matters worse as the noise was causing you and the tigers stress. “I need you all to get the crowds out of here. Nat, I’m going to need you to get the staff to stand down. We need to keep y/n calm so that the tigers don’t view us as a threat.” Wanda said firmly as she instructed Natasha, Yelena, and Kate.

As the crowds got smaller you had slowly calmed down enough to uncover your ears. You patted the grown next to you and smiled when your tiger friends relaxed and sat down next to you. You rubbed your eyes tiredly as you cuddled into their soft fur. You thought your ears were playing tricks on you when you heard our mommy’s voice say your name.

Wanda spoke gently and calmly from the entrance gate that led into the exhibit. She didn’t want to spook you or the tigers that had fallen asleep next to you. “Y/n, it’s mommy. Can you crawl towards me?”

You smiled when you found your mommy who was waving at you from where you had entered into the exhibit. You babbled happily as you crawled towards Wanda who was smiling at you the closer you got to the gate. As you got closer to your mommy you turned to wave goodbye to your tiger friends who were sleeping, you hoped that you would get to visit them again.

“That’s it baby, come to mommy.” Wanda spoke softly as the zoologist unlocked the gate. Wanda let out a sigh of relief as she picked you up in her arms. She was overwhelmed with emotions at finally having you safely in her arms.

You let out a tired cry as you rubbed your face into the crook of Wanda’s neck. You loved cuddling with your tiger friends, but there was nothing as good as being in your mama and mommy’s arms. “Mama.”

“Mama has you baby and mama is never ever letting go.”

#wandanat x reader #wandanat x little reader #bishlova #little reader #age regression fic #marvel avenergers #marvel smut

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dutchvanwinkle · 1 year

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Mr Van der Linde Pt. 5 - Dutch x Reader

Hello again darlings! I hope those of you celebrating Easter / Ramadam / Passover are having a wonderful weekend, did you know this overlap only happens three times every century? How cool is that!! Whether you're observing a holiday or not, it's now time for us to all come together and fantasize about daddy Dutch :)

I would apologise for the wait between this chapter and the last, but I did say this fic would be relatively slow in updates. I wrote a good chuck of this chapter then decided I hated it, took some time away from it, came back, then realised it wasn't as bad as I'd made out in my head lol. It's a pretty fluffy one tbh, and even if it's not as long as the previous one I hope you still enjoy!

It's on ao3, too!

Summary: Your relationship with Dutch deepens when you spend more time with him after a stressful week.

Word count: 6,471

Content warnings: smut, mildly creepy dutch

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Despite everyone’s knowledge of the end of the academic year, not one of your group of friends took the responsibility of arranging the flat for you to all live in together for second year. So, once again, you and Karen were in the same one - with John, Abigail, Sean, and Javier across the hall in theirs. You didn’t mind much; you were all too deep in the habit of leaving your flats unlocked anyway so the others could wander in should they please. It was dumb, but you hadn’t been robbed yet and imagined that’s what it would take for you to change your ways.

Abigail had made extra dinner and you were the first to claim the portion, skipping across the hall and ambling in with a grin on your face. The two of you ate and chatted with the TV filling the background noise. Karen had joined not long after, and the three of you found yourselves sprawled on the sofa, tired from a full day.

Second year was noticeably harder, no more easing you into university life – the theory and assignments were tough. However, thanks to your hard work in the previous semester it wasn’t an impossible leap. It had been for some, Javier regularly coming around in an attempt to inconspicuously copy your coursework.

Just as you were mentally preparing yourself for the next day, the last before the weekend, your phone buzzed.

Naughty girl.

Dutch. You cleared your throat, pausing a moment before opening his message. He hadn’t taken any liberties with his possession of your phone number, and your inbox had been decidedly empty since the last time you saw him.

Was this the old-person way of flirting? Was it sexting? Hopefully, your response would allow room for clarification.

I was just in my photo gallery.

Oh. You smiled to yourself. Another message.

I almost dropped my phone.

Sorry, won’t happen again.

It better happen again, miss. I’ve already made good use of it, and now I’m in need of more.

Good god, the thought of him pleasuring himself to a photo of you brought heat all over your neck. “I’m just gonna use your bathroom,” you stood up to excuse yourself, getting no response from your friends.

Once inside, you looked around, knowing full well it was empty and quickly flicked the lock on the door, before pulling your top over your head. Glancing over your reflection in the mirror, you tried to figure out the best angle that’d reveal enough but not too much.

Eventually, you got an angle you were happy with, only your jaw in view and your tits on full display. You cropped the photo (including your bottom half was a bit too much, right now at least) when his name appeared in your notification bar again.

Too far?

Bless him, he could see you’d read his message but left him without a response for ten minutes. Without giving yourself time to chicken out, you sent the picture to him.

Sorry, I was distracted.

He read it instantly, and it took a full minute before you could see he was typing. Then the dots disappeared. Then reappeared. Then disappeared again. You smiled to yourself, pulling your top over your head and flushing the toilet for good measure, before venturing back out and returning to the sofa. Dutch finally decided on what to say once you’d made yourself comfy.

Come see me this weekend.

If only. A weekend being fucked repeatedly was just what you needed, exhaustion already settling into your mind thanks to your busy schedule being back in action. Unfortunately, said schedule was exactly why you couldn’t.

Can’t, sorry. I’m working tomorrow and Saturday.

Fuck work. I’ll pay you.

“What are you smiling at?”

You glanced up, Karen looking at you inquisitively, Abigail taking her attention off the TV in turn to see what the fuss was.

“Nothing?” you said casually.

“You’ve been grinning at that phone of yours for five minutes.”

“I have not been grinning.”

She raised a brow, the look on her face turning to intrigue.

“Please tell me it’s a guy. Or a girl. Or anything with a pulse,” Abigail pleaded, and you tutted while Karen cackled.

“I’ve told you I don’t have time for that crap! Besides, I’m perfectly fine as I am,” you said defensively, folding your arms and ignoring the buzz of a message on your phone.

“We all need a good screw now and again,” Karen said plainly, Abigail nodding in agreement.

Don’t we just. “Oh, and Maquire is providing that service well enough for you, is he?”

She shot you a glare, and as she was about to retort the main door opened, the man himself trailed by Javier and John.

“Yeah, alright,” John said, his phone held up against his ear while he set the bag of shopping on the counter.

“Hello ladies,” Javier greeted you all, beginning to put away their communal shop which was pathetically void of nutrients and taken up mostly by cans of beer.

Sean pulled off his boots, hopping a little before it gave and sighing proudly when it did. “Any of you want a drink?”

You shook your head, as did Abigail, but Karen held her hand out.

“Ah, that’s why I love ya,” he grinned, handing a can out to Karen who scoffed in disgust before snatching it from him.

“Okay, fine, yeah. I can do that. See you later,” John said, hanging up his call and letting his phone drop into his pocket.

“Everything okay?” Abigail asked while John played tetris stacking the beers in the fridge.

“Yeah, just my dad. He’s coming down this weekend.”

That got your attention. Surely not -

“Says Tilly’s been angling to see the city. He was just checking I was free to spend time with them.”

“Aw,” Abigail sat up, “will we get to see them?”

John shrugged, and your phone buzzed again.

I’m serious. read Dutch’s previous message to you, followed by his most recent one: Looking forward to seeing you.

You neglected to respond just yet, not wanting to draw any more attention to yourself. That man worked fast.

“Where are you gonna take them?”

“God knows. Knowing Dad,” John sat down beside Abigail, “he’ll have already drafted up a full itinerary.”

You smirked at the thought, a warmth growing in your chest.

Dutch was fond of John’s friends. They were a decent bunch, and he’d been glad to see their familiar faces when he and Tilly arrived in the city the next morning, dropping their bags at the hotel before coming to visit John’s flat. He reminded himself repeatedly not to comment on the lack of cleanliness students seemed to thrive in.

It was nice to see John, along with Javier who he’d watched grow up with his son. Abigail was extra friendly, and thanks to a little birdie he understood why. She was a nice girl. They were all nice. But the one he wanted to see the most was unfortunately yet to descend on the flat despite John’s assurance that everyone swings round all the time.

“I’m going out for a cigarette,” Dutch announced, departing the flat and being met with the doorway to yours opposite him. He tried his luck, finding it unlocked, and mentally chastised you for being careless. He wasn’t sure which room was yours, though he thought it a good enough excuse to have wandered into the wrong flat should anyone ask. Two of the doors were ajar, and after a peek, he found them empty. The flat was quiet, and he decided there was no harm in trying the closed ones. He knocked on the next door, getting no response and so pushing it open.

Dutch smiled to himself as the air entered his nose; it smelled just like you.

Thanks to the strange layout, he could see the end of your bed and a slight bump under the duvet where your feet lay. “Tut tut,” he hummed as he took a couple of steps in, “you really should keep it locked – oh.”

His brows pulled together as his voice died in his mouth at the sight of you fast asleep and bundled up in your bed, completely flat out. He debated waking you but was distracted by seeing the inside of your room for the first time. A little nosy never hurt anybody.

Hands in his pockets, he observed the pictures up on your wall and smiled fondly at the ones including his drunken son. Then, he glanced over the perfume bottles lined up near your small desk mirror, then to the books and paper laid out beside your laptop accompanied by an empty mug from the previous day. It was then that he turned his attention back to you, hair ruffled with one arm out of the covers.

Dutch sat on the edge of your bed and brushed a strand of hair from your peaceful face. It was enough to make you stir, and you cranked your eyes open. He smirked as he observed your expression, going from alarmed to relaxed when you realised it was him, then back to alarmed when you realised it was him.

“You really should lock your flat, and your door,” he greeted.

You rubbed your eyes, wondering if the man had come to visit you in a dream though it felt undeniably real as you remembered your conversation with John the previous day. “Or perhaps,” you said around a yawn, “strange men shouldn’t let themselves in and sit on my bed.”

“Strange men?” Dutch looked mildly offended. “I’d hate to know what you do with familiar men.”

“Very funny,” you grumbled, pulling the covers up to your neck. “What time is it?”

“Ten thirty. I didn’t think you were one to sleep in late.” His hand rested on your lower leg, and the added pressure was soothing and lessened your motivation further for starting your day.

“I’m not. But I’ve got a long day today, so I’m treating myself,” you shut your eyes and felt Dutch shift his weight on the bed. You felt his warmth over you before you felt the kiss he pressed to your cheek, and you couldn’t help but smile at the sweetness of it. It awoke other unsavoury sensations that you usually repressed in the morning.

It was as though he sensed it, brushing his hand up your leg and moving to kiss your jaw, an added tenderness compared to its predecessor. You sighed contently, the comfort of Dutch’s soft chuckle reaching your ears. There was no option but to give in, your eyes fluttering open as you shifted onto your back, allowing Dutch to manoeuvre himself on top of you. His face filled with pride, but when he moved in to kiss you, you put your hand up as a barricade.

“I haven’t brushed my teeth,” you explained, and he huffed a laugh.

“I could care less. But, if you insist,” his hand travelled further up the path of your body, cupping your breast as his lips tended to your neck instead, which you bared for him gladly.

“Was it really worth coming all this way?” you asked, lazily watching him trail his lips around your skin.

“Of course,” he said, hardly breaking his path, “need I remind you of my lack of interest in desiring a thing. I prefer -”

“- to have it, right.” Dutch smiled up at you, and the tardy realisation hit you that you were now finishing his sentences. “How was the drive up?” you asked quickly, hoping to alleviate any teasing forming in his mind.

“Just swell,” he answered, trailing his hand underneath your pyjama top to knead your breasts. His fingers moved gently in circles, testing your tenderness as they neared your nipple and lightly tweaking the now erect buds. Then his mouth came down over the fabric, and he sucked one into his mouth, leaving a wet patch behind that he eyed fondly once he was done.

“You know,” you set up on your elbows, craning your neck to look at the door, “I really should lock my door. Just in case.”

Dutch placed his palm on your chest, applying pressure until you lay back down. “No no, you want to leave it unlocked, then you leave it unlocked.”

“I’m serious,” you attempted to sit up again but damn he was strong, “John lets himself in all the time.”

“Does he,” Dutch hummed, moving his head down to suck your nipple in again and released, “I ought to teach the boy some manners.”

“Dutch, it’s not funny. Let me lock the -”

As you tried to sit up Dutch applied his full weight onto you and mouthed at your neck while all the air was knocked from your lungs. Strong and heavy. It would be a comfort if you could only breathe, and grumbled incoherently at your body’s response to being trapped by him despite the danger of the situation.

“Now,” Dutch cooed, lifting his head and running his thumb along your chin, “don’t you worry. I’ve been fit to burst since you sent me those pictures.”

“I thought you -”

“I did, but it’s not the same.” With that, he eased off slightly as you gradually accepted this was a risk you’d just have to take, and wrapped his hand around your inner thigh to shift your legs apart. “Huh, looks like I’m not the only one.”

You frowned down to observe what he was looking at and were met with the moist material of your pyjama shorts. “Goddamnit.”

Dutch chuckled while he trailed his fingers up and down your mound, and it wasn’t long before you were grinding up in time with his movements. He always seemed to know the exact pressure and pace you wanted, and often reigned it back some so as to keep you frustrated. You were about to ask him to get on with it, considering the risk and limited time you had before your day started, when he removed his hand to undo his jeans and pull out his frustrated-looking cock. The man didn’t even look at you, nor give you any warning, before moving your shorts to the side and sliding right in. And curse your body once again, allowing him the smoothest of passages.

A sigh of relief left him, the sort one would make when sinking into a hot bath. He stayed there a moment, nosing at your neck and brushing his palm down your flank to your shorts, the fabric of which he bunched up in his hand. At least you weren’t wearing any underwear he would inevitably steal.

“How could this not be worth the journey,” he mused, and you realised he was in fact talking to himself. Still, you sighed out a laugh.

Dutch moved his torso off yours, straightening up to grab your outer thighs in each hand. His grip was tight, bruising almost, and he held you right where he wanted you as he pulled out and began thrusting in a slow, deep rhythm. His head tipped back, and you stayed watching him, the euphoric pleasure seeping over his face enough to keep you lubricated down below. It truly was nice to know you were the cause of such a response. Well, your body, at least.

“Now,” his heavy gaze met yours, and he leaned forward to plant one hand on your headboard and left the other gripping your hip, “let’s get to it, shall we?”

There was no room to answer before he deepened his thrusts, his thick cock thoroughly filling you. He was perfectly anchored to the bed and you, and being leant forward slightly enabled him to brush over the plush, pulsating spot inside you repeatedly. Swiftly building up your impending orgasm, you thanked your accommodation for not giving you squeaky beds despite their questionable quality.

Dutch’s grunts sounded at the same time as his thrusts, his lips pressed together to limit any other noise and you did the same, quiet gasps leaving you on occasion. “You gonna come for me, pretty girl?” he asked through a laboured breath.

“Mhm,” you answered and wrapped your legs around him, pulling him further in and it was the last bit of motivation he needed to fuck you into your mattress until silently you came, back arching and hands gripping the duvet beneath. Dutch continued to fuck into you while your orgasm ebbed away, and you bore through the over-stimulation until he pressed his hips as far forward as he could, filling you up as you felt his cock twitch inside you.

Your breath evened out while he dropped his head forward to run a hand through his hair. “My memory did not do you justice.”

“That right?” you tilted your head in amusement and he hummed his agreement while slowly pulling out and doing a poor job of catching his spend. Guess you’d be changing your sheets today.

“Mind if I use your bathroom?” he asked and you gestured to the door to your ensuite in agreement. While he was there, you pulled some wipes out from your side table and cleaned yourself up.

“What have you got planned for today?” you asked as he ventured back in, doing up the fasten of his belt.

“Probably get some food, walk around and see what we can find,” he pulled out a cigarette and lit it, gesturing to your fire alarm that was tactically covered by a sock. “You really are a naughty girl.”

You snorted a laugh and sat up, while he leaned on your desk and cracked your window open to blow the smoke out. “Are they not going to wonder where you are now?”

“I told them I was going for a cigarette.”

“Huh, smart.”

He raised his brows in agreement as he took another drag. “What time are you working until today?”

“Late,” you shrugged. “I’m on until close.”

Dutch tutted. “Well, my hotel isn’t far from your work, so you may as well stay with me. I’ll wait up.”

“I don’t recall telling you where I worked.”

He smirked, tapping the ash out the window. “You didn’t.”

“Then how -”

“I have my ways. I can be rather resourceful when I want to be.”

“No shit,” you scoffed, ignoring the slight creepiness of him having that knowledge. “But no, thank you, I’ll be too tired.”

“The hotel bed is very comfortable.”

“I said no. Besides, you have Tilly with you,” you said, Dutch shifting his position to be half-seated on your desk.

“She has her own room.” After a final drag, he stubbed out his cigarette and flicked it out your window. He walked over and sat on your bed again, taking your hand in his. “Just consider it?”

“Fine,” you acquiesced, “I will see how I feel after my shift.”

“That’s my girl,” he said, a pleased smile forming on his face and moved in to kiss your cheek before standing. “Be sure to say bye before you head off.”

“Whatever you say,” you rolled your eyes, and with that, he departed, and the urge to shower became urgent.

You had ten minutes to spare after getting washed and dressed, and couldn’t find anything to busy yourself with so you ended up visiting John’s flat after all. Your friends were all there when you entered, Tilly offered you a hug, and Mr Van der Linde greeted you casually when you entered the flat, like he hadn’t been pounding into you less than an hour ago.

“Here she is,” John smiled, “you feeling better?”

Dutch’s expression hardened so fast you could feel it, and you grumbled internally at John once again unintentionally putting his foot in it. “Yeah, fine,” you said quickly, “just needed some sleep.”

“Perhaps you should skip some lectures and catch up some more,” John teased.

“You’re actually going?” Javier scoffed from the sofa, taking his attention away from Tilly’s phone where she appeared to be showing him a video.

“You know I have to,” you deflected, walking over to sit on the arm of the sofa beside him.

“Eighty percent, you can stand to miss a few.”

With a playful tilt of your head, you raised your brows accusingly. “Not worth getting into the habit.”

“Get me a copy of the notes?” he asked sweetly, smiling up at you and taking your hand in his to place a kiss on the back of it. As always, you could never resist, nodding your understanding with a smirk. “Ah, Mr Van der Linde -” Javier’s expression dropped as he look at the man in question, “don’t tell my pa, okay?”

Before he could respond, Sean decided to get a word in. “My da doesn’t mind me not going, says it’s better I don’t get my head filled by those pompous academic types. N-no offence, Mr Van der Linde,” he held his arms up placatingly.

“Now, why would I be offended by that?” he asked, genuinely, though Sean visibly began to sweat.

“No reason! No reason at all -”

“And on that note,” you cleared your throat, deciding to save Sean before he inevitably fell further into his self-made hole. “I should get going. Nice to see you both again,” you said, mainly to Tilly, and hoped Dutch’s devious expression in response wasn’t as noticeable to anyone else.

If another person asked you to make a cocktail, you’d scream. It’s a Friday, do these people not know how filled to the brim with students this place was? You weren’t even sure why you offered cocktails at this stupid hour; everyone was too inebriated to even appreciate it, and who needs to spend extra on a drink when they’re out to get as plastered as they can, anyway? Just order a shot and be done with it -

“Whiskey old-fashioned, please.”

You turned, half-ready to lose your job for punching a patron and were met with a smiling Dutch on the other side of the bar.

“Seriously?” you gestured around yourself, both as to why he’d ordered that and why he was there in the first place.

“Why not?”

“It’s busy,” you grumbled, making an exasperated show of preparing the glass.

“Fine,” he chuckled, “just a double on ice will do.”

You offered him a grateful smile, scooping a few ice cubes out of the tray.

“Do you always speak to customers that way?”

“Only the annoying ones,” you shrugged.

“I’m in half a mind to tell your manager,” he raised his brows, leaning on the bar in a way that enhanced his arms as his burgundy shirt stretched around them.

“Do that and I’ll ask you for ID. You forget I also have the power to withhold... other things,” you slid the drink over to him, and as you were about to announce the total, he handed you a twenty. “It doesn’t cost that much.”

“It’s a tip.”

“No,” you lamented, refusing to be his charity case, “it all goes in a pot anyway.”

“Consider it an apology for my being a difficult customer,” he answered immediately. “And as a sweetener, so you don’t withhold your oh so generous offerings.”

You tutted and placed the change to sit stubbornly in front of him on the bar. ��I -” your attention was pulled to someone new coming up to the bar, “hold on a second.”

After pouring out two vodka cokes for them, you returned to Dutch. “Where’s John and Tilly?”

“John’s back at his flat, I think, and Tilly’s sleeping at the hotel,” he sipped at his drink, and you smirked as he tried to hide that this whiskey was not as fancy as his palate was used to.

“Will Tilly be alright on her own?” you asked.

“Of course. I plan to return soon anyway; I just need to pick something up first.”

“What do you need to – oh,” you realised what – or rather who – he was referring to. “I haven’t agreed to come back with you. Besides, I’m still working.”

“When do you usually finish?”

“When everyone leaves,” you narrowed your gaze at him accusingly.

“Ah,” he hummed in amusement. “It appears to be quietening down.”

He was right. The crowd was certainly beginning to thin out, and you hoped that in true student fashion, they would all leave to go somewhere busier once they noticed. “I still haven’t agreed.”

Dutch’s response was the inching of his fingers closing to yours, brushing them over your own secretively. “I would really like you to.”

“I’m really, really tired, Dutch.”

“That’s fine, you can go straight to sleep,” at the raise of your brows, he continued with a smile that inched on his face, “I mean it.”

“I could be a while,” you excused yourself further.

He finished the last of his drink, pausing a beat before finishing it. “Just text me when you’re done. Otherwise, I’ll stay here until everyone else has left.”

“Okay, alright,” you rubbed your brow, supposing it couldn’t be too bad if you did just go there to sleep. By now, your trust in him had grown to the point where you believed he would’ve put all the measures in place to ensure the two of you weren’t caught. “I’ll text you.”

“Good,” he said, pleased, and stood. “I’ll be going now, then.”

“You mean you don’t want another one of those?” you pointed to his empty glass.

He gave you an almost weary look, and a laugh slipped from you.

“I’m only kidding.”

He shook his head, and for the briefest of moments your heart skipped as you saw his rare, genuine smile.

“See you later,” you concluded the conversation.

Dutch folded his jacket over the arm and offered you a secretive wink. “I look forward to it.”

It was another hour before the bar closed, and you swiftly grabbed your bag from the back room, pulling your phone out to message Dutch at the earliest opportunity.

You opted for waiting outside, a small way down the street in case any of your colleagues caught you swanning off with an older man who’d visited the bar. He didn’t leave you waiting for long.

“That was sooner than I expected,” he greeted you, and on the short walk to the hotel, you answered his questions about how your shift went.

“This is an expensive hotel,” you slowed on the approach, and Dutch rested his hand comfortably on your lower back. Somehow, you always seemed to forget just how rich he was.

“You think they won’t let you in?” he teased, and you nodded genuinely. “Relax, darling.”

That worked. Your body softened involuntarily, and walking in with him felt natural, easy. What you’d expected otherwise you weren’t sure, still hyper-aware of how you must look to a passer-by at this moment. Or perhaps they didn’t care. Dutch certainly didn’t.

The two of you took the lift, walking down the well-decorated hallway until Dutch stopped and swiped his card on a door. You let out a breath once inside, kicking off your shoes and sitting on the edge of the bed without a second thought.

“You and Javier seem to have an interesting relationship,” he commented, untying his shiny black shoes and placing them neatly by the door.

“What do you mean by that?” you asked defensively.

Dutch shrugged casually, clearly a façade. “You seem close. I wondered if there was anything there.”

You scowled at him, too tired for this line of questioning. “Obviously not -” you paused, remembering yourself despite your newfound anger. “Well, we might’ve had a drunken kiss on our first week, but it didn’t progress beyond that.”

“Hm. I thought as much.”

“What is wrong with you?” you said sharply, “why would you ask that?”

“I was only curious,” he held his hands up before unbuttoning his shirt. “I didn’t realise it was a crime to ask.”

“It’s not. You’ve no right to be jealous.”

“Who said I was?” he asked, leaning into a chuckle and it only aggravated you even more.

You huffed out some of your anger. “It’s pretty obvious. I’m not stupid. And you’re not as good at hiding things as you think.”

His face altered from unbothered to mildly entertained. “I don’t see why you’re getting so defensive. It was only a question.”

Your mouth opened to let a retort pass through, but none came. The fucker wasn’t wrong, he had only asked. In your exhausted state, you questioned whether you’d read too much into it, and frowned at the ground while rubbing the stress from your brow. Keeping so much contained was a problem in times like this, when emotions escaped out into the world. “I don’t - I just -” you began, feeling yourself getting worked up.

“Okay, alright, darling. Come here,” Dutch sat beside you, opening his arms and you tucked yourself into the warm embrace.

“Sorry,” you sighed quietly, “this is why I didn’t want to come. I get grouchy when I’m tired.”

“I can tell,” he teased, but the kiss placed on the crown of your head balanced it out. “You’ve been sick, John said?”

“Not sick. Just tired this week, that’s all.”

Dutch paused, tightening his arms around you. “It doesn’t look like you’re going to have any time to rest in the near future.”

“I’ll take a weekend off work at something,” you mumbled, almost on autopilot as it wasn’t the first time you’d been berated for being too much of a try-hard.

“Why do I get the impression you’re lying?” he asked gently, and your responding laugh was mirthless. “I like most things about you, except this.”

“Except what?” you asked, resting your head on his shoulder to catch his eyes.

“This incessant need you have to work yourself to fatigue. It’s unhealthy.”

“It’s temporary,” you insisted.

“If you would only let me -”

“Don’t you dare offer me money again.” That was a place you’d never go to, a sense of pride far too strong to accept his help. You could do it. You just... need to complain occasionally. And maybe have someone that could help alleviate the stress using tried and true methods. “Wait, you said most. What else don’t you like about me?”

He paused, as though he hadn’t expected that question. “I suppose how little time I get to spend with you.”

“That’s a cop-out.”

Dutch laughed, releasing you from his embrace and standing to continue getting undressed. A feeling resembling awe settled in your body at how proudly he stood, in only his underwear, while finding a pair of joggers to wear for bed. He hooked his thumbs into the band of his pants but paused, slyly looking over his shoulder at you. You swiftly averted your gaze.

“You’re allowed to look, I don’t mind,” he said with amusement, and you only looked back once you’d heard his underwear come off and joggers come on. You were far too tired to go another round, but you feared your body would decide otherwise if you caught a glance of him fully nude. “Here,” he passed a plain t-shirt to you, “I suspect you don’t have anything to wear.” After you took it, his face fell slightly. “Not that I mind you sleeping with nothing on.”

You rolled your eyes at his teasing, for whatever reason wanting to get dressed where he couldn’t see. “Does the hotel have spare toothbrushes?”

“Sure, in the bathroom,” he pulled back the cover of the bed and got in, clasping his hands over his stomach. “Help yourself to whatever.”

You did, brushing your teeth, washing your face, and changing into Dutch’s t-shirt. It was clean, but it still held his underlying scent. He was in the same position when you re-entered the bedroom and lifted the covers for you to get in. “Thanks,” you said, laying down and marvelling at how soft the bed was, a yawn escaping thanks to your newfound comfort.

Dutch reached over and flicked the switches above the side table, turning off all the lights except the lamp next to him. Then, he brushed the back of his knuckle tenderly over your temple, and it took all you had to fight an immediate descent into sleep. You took the opportunity to shuffle closer to him, and he extended his arm so you could lay on his chest while he was propped up a little against the headboard. “Get some sleep, now,” he said, his voice a quiet rumble in the low light of the room.

As you melted into him some more, the bare skin of his chest warm and soothing, he put on his glasses from the bedside table and picked up his book. “Aren’t you sleeping?”

“I’ll sleep better if I read a little first. Don’t mind me, though.”

“Okay.” You pecked his lips, and once you were re-settled on his chest sleep came easier than ever.

The gentle motion of fingertips slowly grazing the middle of your back was the first sensation to greet you upon awakening, and you blinked your eyes open to the hazy filter of morning sun through the window. You were nestled comfortably into Dutch, still using his chest as a pillow and glanced up, finding the man himself in somewhat of a daydream as he looked out the window. He noticed the small movement, though, and offered you a warm smile. “Morning.”

“Morning,” you half-yawned, stubbornly closing your eyes to nestle further into his chest. How he was more comfortable than the bed itself you weren’t sure.

“Sleep well?” he asked.

“Like a log. You?”

“Just fine. You’re nice to wake up to.” He placed his palm flat on your back, holding you to him.

“You aren’t so bad yourself. What time are you seeing John today?”

“I think we’re going for a late breakfast; I suppose whenever he’s ready. We have a bit of time, if you want anything brought up to the room?”

“No, no, I’m okay. Thanks though. Actually,” you shifted up onto your elbow, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and internally deciding you preferred Dutch’s hair in the morning, a little messy from the night. “I wouldn’t mind using that shower.”

“Be my guest,” he said politely. It was nice to lay like this with him, you’d expected him to have his hands all over you as soon as you’d awoken, though perhaps he was tired. If anything, he was more reserved than usual, and you hoped he wasn’t beginning to have second thoughts. You knew better than to question him first thing in the morning and moved to a seated position before swinging your legs off the bed.

“Appreciate it.” You picked your clothes up from their crumpled heap on the floor and carried them into the bathroom with you before having the most glorious shower you’d had in some time.

Checking your phone once you were finished, you realised you’d been in the bathroom for a full thirty minutes. Whoops.

“Sorry,” you said as soon as you opened the door, Dutch seated on the bed, now dressed and rolling up his sleeves. “That shower was a little too nice.”

The smile Dutch offered you was warmer, more awake, and more like himself than he had been previously. “Good,” he offered out his hand which you promptly took and pulled you towards him to stand between his legs, and he wrapped his arms around your lower back. “I’d say you’ve earned it.”

You chuckled easily, glad to find out nothing was wrong, and he simply hadn’t woken up yet.

“What time are you working?” he asked, while you ran a hand through his hair and settled it on his shoulder.

“Early afternoon. I’m off tomorrow, but I’ve got work to do – what time are you leaving?”

“About midday. Don’t worry about it,” he placed a kiss on your sternum, “I’d prefer it if you rested instead.”

“I’ll try,” you nodded with a snort.

“I would like,” he stood up, holding your hands in his, “to see you more frequently, if possible.”

“I’d like that,” you looked up at him, and the deal was sealed with a kiss. “I’m not sure exactly when, but -”

“We’ll work something out. I have your number,” he said conspiratorially, an alluring half-smile making him even more irresistible than he already was. “But I fear Tilly will be up soon, I don’t want her catching you on the way out.”

“Good call,” you agreed, breaking out of the embrace to pick up your bag and double-check you hadn’t forgotten anything. “Have a good weekend.”

“We will,” he pulled you in for a kiss, one that was tender and slow and left you a little breathless once you’d parted your lips from his. “Thanks for coming to stay with me.”

“I’ve got to do my part for the community,” you shrugged, and his face dropped into playful annoyance.

“Oh, that’s how it is?”

You laughed, edging towards the door though he managed to pat your ass in reprimand before you were out of reach. “I might add this to my volunteering work on my CV, come to think of it.”

Dutch laughed heartily, pressing his tongue into his cheek and shaking his head. “You truly can be a wicked woman.”

With a proud, final smile, you stepped forward for a kiss goodbye then opened the door, checking the coast was clear before stepping out. At the risk of Tilly hearing you, you offered Dutch a simple nod before departing, which he returned.

It wasn’t a short walk back to your accommodation, but it wasn’t long, either. The weather was good, and you were thankful it’d been nice for Dutch and Tilly’s visit up. It wasn’t lost on you that there was a slight spring in your step, every meeting with Dutch making your heart feel that extra bit lighter, and life feel an extra bit more accommodating. After last time, you’d attributed it to the sex, to the rush and release that was a rarity in your everyday. But perhaps it was him, and while this newfound feeling was a nice one to experience, the low hum of guilt and the prospect of where this avenue of exploration would lead you left a slightly bitter taste in your mouth.

There was a possibility that Dutch’s philosophical suggestions were imprinting on you, but you actively decided not to dwell on the many possibilities and instead focus on that, for now, you had something that made your chest grow warm and your breath seep from your lungs. Perhaps this was what you were missing, a way to dispel your worries and fears even for a short while. And perhaps, on some level, this was something you deserved.

#dutch van der linde x reader #dutch van der linde x f!reader #dutch van der linde #dutch x reader #rdr2 fanfic #rdr2 #fanfiction #my stuff

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wordsafterhours · 7 months

Text

Songs About You - Chapter 15

Author's Note: Buckle up and enjoy this fluff fest. I worked so long on getting this chapter right and I think it still fell short. But I just love this time of year. Fall and Winter are my bread and butter, especially Christmas. I'd like to live in a Hallmark movie and make zero apologies for it. In the next few updates, we will be seeing more explanation onto what happen to her parents, more details on Arobynn's betrayal, and Gavriel and Aedion's exile from Aelin's life.

*Unedited update. I couldn't wait.

Triggers: I can't think of anything crazy that would need to be listed

Word Count: 9.8k (I haven't written college papers this long)

Masterlist

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Still quite bemused with herself, Aelin dawdled through getting dressed and making her way down the stairs. Several familiar voices deep in conversation reached her ears long before she found them in the foyer, digging through dusty boxes.

“Does she have decorations for every occasion? I’m pretty sure I’ve looked through thirty boxes and only found one with Yulemas stuff,” complained Dorian.

“Her family was big on celebrating any and everything. It was magical coming here as a kid. Trust me, the Yulemas decorations far outnumber anything here three to one,” Elide stated matter-of-factly.

The dark-haired male dramatically whined and started opening another box. Aelin decided to take pity on him, “The items in question are in the basement and carriage house.”

“Oh, hey there. I didn’t realize you’d come down.” Elide’s cheeks tinged pink with her admission, clearly flustered at having been caught unaware.

The blonde said nothing, leaning casually against the wooden banister to her left, patiently waiting for anyone to divulge an explanation for the scene at hand. Elide dusted off her hands against her jeans and smiled tensely. “I’m sorry about last night. You were right to be upset and after you left, I was such a mess trying to figure out how I was going to apologize. A little birdy told me the house wasn’t decorated and I decided that it would be the best apology I could muster.”

Her friend bounced anxiously up and down while she talked, a telltale sign of how unsure she was of herself right now. Aelin knew it had taken a lot for Elide to show up uninvited, especially given how last night had gone, and in taking such a bold move to decorate the house. Yulemas wasn’t the same since her parents passing and even less so after exiling the only family she had left. Each year, as December fell, she longed to pull out the boxes, to put up trees and wrap garlands around the columns, yet it never came to fruition.

Chaol had tried it to snap her out of it, but after one too many meltdowns, he’d just stopped. He’d always get her a gift and then head south to Adarlan, to spend it with his father, Dorian, and Dorian’s family. It was easier that way. No fake smiles, pretend happiness, or unwanted melancholy chasing away the holiday joy.

If the very idea of this holiday hadn’t been artfully avoided, the decorations’ locations would be a forgotten memory, beyond her grasp. But her mind cruelly remembered what each and every box had, where it lived, and whose job it had been to put it up. Yulemas used to be the one thing worth waiting for as a kid. Not her birthday, summer, visits from Aedion, or traveling the continents—it was and had only ever been Yulemas.

As the air cooled and the calendar marked December 1st, her mother was hiring local city folk and paying bonuses to landscapers to help put up all the decorations. It was a grand affair and the week before Yulemas, her parents would open their finished home for tours. Hot cocoa, cider, and sweet treats were offered. Carols would be sung, and she would play piano for their guests. Aelin lived for it. What she wouldn’t give for five minutes in one of those memories.

A very sharp delivery of her name brought her out the reminiscent reverie. She took a startled step backward in attempt to gather her bearings. Elide was in arms distance now, looking concerned more than anything. “Are you okay?”

Was she? Simple answer: no. Would that be shared? Also, no.

“Only trying to process all of you here, digging through my house.” She internally winced at the tone, knowing its harshness wasn’t deserved, but too aggrieved to cop to it.

“I wish all my friends groveled like these two,” Fen casually declared between bites of toast.

“Sharing my bed wasn’t enough, you’re eating my food, too?”

“I worked up an appetite,” he whined, dark eyes giving her a pleading look that would rival Fleetfoot’s.

Graciously, no one chose to run with the blond’s comment, sparing her from further humiliation and or drawn-out explanation. At least the day was giving something back to her, small as it was.

“Who else is here?”

“We all are, well minus Lorcan. He’s being a pain in my ass, and we can leave it at that.”

She gave a non-committal acknowledgement, staring too hard at one of the boxes Dorian had previously been looking through. If she granted them the okay to pull out the Yulemas decorations, could she bear it? Would the joy of it overshadow the grief that was picking her a part, one stitch popping at a time, threatening the remaining seams that were left.

A presence came to rest behind her and she unconsciously gravitated back. His warmth radiated across her, momentarily chasing away the chill that had settled. Even as upset as she was with him, as betrayed as she felt—Rowan had become a much-needed life raft.

He shouldn’t be.

Couldn’t be.

But yet, he was. There were somethings this world knew that she didn’t, but what she did know, undoubtedly, down to her very marrow, was that Rowan Whitethorn had been the very thing missing from hers. “It’s okay to be scared and sad, Ace, but you have to stop limiting your happiness. Take it back. You deserve joy. Elide told me how much the season means to you and it’s almost over, but it doesn’t mean you can’t partake in it. We’re all here for you. Just say yes.”

His appeal was low, warmed breath washing over the exposed column of her neck, words meant to only be heard by her. Resigned, her shoulders sagged as she nodded in wordless acquiescence.

“This is going to be so exciting!” cheered Elide, clapping her hands together in paramount enthusiasm.

At least someone was thrilled. All Aelin could feel was a ten-pound leaded weight sitting in the pit of her stomach. It was cruel how emotions could rule, define, own. She’d do anything to turn it all off; to be cold and unfeeling, if only to get through this day.

Her blue eyes stared intently, roving over every oak plank not covered by the foyer rug. One, two, three… one-hundred and fifty-one. All visible ones accounted for and the heaviness humanely lessened. She was alone, the sounds of her friends muffled, but it was clear they had wasted no time tackling the decorations.

“Better?”

Her breath caught in surprise. Why Aelin had assumed she was truly alone was beyond her. If her thoughts hadn’t consumed her so, his presence would have been felt. A lie was forming on her tongue, but it tasted bitter, too bitter to bring to life. “Not really, but I think you already knew that.”

“Perhaps. Not that you give me benefit of the doubt often, but I don’t know everything.”

An unladylike snort sounded between them. Her eyes widened in embarrassment, and she hid her face. Rowan laughed loudly, chasing away her self-consciousness, and warming her to the core. It was such a beautiful sound, carefree and unbound.

“I heard they found the sitting room decorations and some aged sheet music. Dorian said you play. Can you show me?”

“Gods what a gossip queen,” she muttered with rolled eyes.

“I know I don’t know him well, but he doesn’t seem like a vault by any means.”

“He would spill everyones’ secrets for a good romp in the sheets.”

“I’ll bear that in mind,” Rowan acknowledged dryly.

Expectance hung in the air as Aelin waffled between telling Rowan no or sucking it up and playing. She hadn’t played in years. The piano was surely out of tune, the ivory keys covered in a telltale dust film. It was a talent, a habit long forgotten, buried beneath a barrage of painful memories.

The feel of smooth keys beneath her fingers could never be forgotten and suddenly hers were itching to glide across them. To artfully construct notes into beautiful chords and drown out the world until only music remained. Nothing else mattered when she sat at the bench. Maybe, just maybe, that was what she needed.

“Just one song.”

“Just one song,” he agreed. He sounded somewhat surprised, but Aelin wasn’t too sure since her back was still to him.

She brushed around the foyer table and pushed apart the dark wood pocket doors, revealing a beautiful brown piano, nestled in the far corner, between a window and fireplace. Without much thought, Aelin raised the lid, and then sat down, flipping back the cover, revealing ivory and gold keys.

The piano had been a gift from her parents one Yulemas, after she’d shown promise with the instrument. It had been redone just for her; the traditional black keys replaced with gold. After the finished stretching her hands, she played a few notes to ascertain how out of tune it was.

It wasn’t as much as the thought and a small, pleased smile turned the corners of her mouth upwards. Out of her periphery, she watched Rowan’s large frame settle into one of the chairs that faced the piano. Her hands slightly trembled, the gravity of the moments to come setting her nervous system haywire.

Assuming proper position, Aelin moved to the edge of the bench with her back straight, arms out and relaxed in front of her. The opening chord notes tinkered through the air, harsher than they out to have been—her wrists were dropping. In the back of her mind, the severe chastisement of her former tutors reminded her that she wasn’t “grasping the keys”, thus her wrists were not lifting accordingly, the notes not soft.

Playing solely from memory, more than a few missteps occurred, but if Rowan noticed, he never gave it away. His green eyes were piercing, watching her with rapt attention. He could have been a stone statue if not for the occasional rise and fall of his shoulders.

Moving to the next piece, her fingers glided across the keys, caressing them in near reverence, like one would caress a lover after long being separated. Tendrils of blond hair slipped forward, partially obscuring her view of the man sitting opposite her. The wisp of privacy came at the perfect time—the crescendo was up.

Furiously, her fingers danced upon ivory and gold with precision, the familiar ache settling into her hands and shoulders. Uncertainty, grief, life—it ceased to exist as Aelin gave all of herself to the keys. It wasn’t until the last beautiful note filled the air with a resounding resonance that she let herself breathe.

Silence, the cliché type where you could hear a pin drop, settled heavily across the room. Rowan was still sitting there, wordless, jaw resting against a balled fist, watching her with an undecipherable gaze. Had she not played as well as she thought? Was he trying to find the words to critique it? Critique her? Vulnerability and anxiety came on swift wings, like thieves in the night, whisking away her joy.

His opinion should not matter, especially under the circumstances now encompassing their friendship, but it did. Rowan’s opinion perhaps mattered more than anyone’s and she hated he had that power over her. It was power she gave him, but the heart was a fickle, stubborn thing, particularly the one housed beneath her own twelve pairs of ribs. It did not adhere to the principles of logic, not now, not ever.

The statue broke from his confines, leaning forward, bracing both elbows on his knees, hands steepled. He remained quiet, his gaze still just as studious as it had been the entirety of her playing. If he didn’t say something, Aelin’s nerves were going to split apart. Vulnerability was making her it’s entire three course meal.

His warm timber reached her ears, and she stood in anticipation before he’d even said two words. He gave a faint laugh. “I think your piano needs tuning.”

Six words have never been so defeating. The small kernel of joy that had roared to life instantly snuffed out, leaving as though it had never been there in the first place. The traitorous burn along her lower lids meant tears were welling up, preparing to fall down, like water from a broken dam. Aelin prayed to the gods for the floor to split open and swallow her whole; it would be a mercy compared to this.

Angered, she roughly wiped away the moisture, pinning the silver-haired man with her gold and turquoise stare. “If you didn’t like it, you could have just lied to my face. It took every ounce of will I could muster to sit down and play for you and the only comment you can make is antagonistic? You can be a real godsdamned asshole sometimes, Ro.”

His brow furrowed and he took a step back, hitting the chair causing it to squeak sharply in protest against the oak floor. There was just enough space for her to run by him and Aelin seized the opportunity. His warm hand encircled her left bicep, stopping her before she could get out of the sitting room completely.

“Aelin, stop.”

She fought against his hold, refusing to turn and face him. His pressure became a little firmer, not enough to hurt, but enough to cease almost all of the fight. Calloused fingers twirled the errant tendrils of hair along her face and neck, and as though he had done it a thousand times prior, he tucked the hair behind her ear, tracing the shell of her ear softly.

“I wasn’t trying to upset you. I didn’t know what to say. Everything that I was thinking just seemed so trivial and underwhelming. Inadequate.”

“I don’t understand.”

“There are moments in life that define who you are. Moments that break and remake you all in the same breath. Moments that will be written on your bones for others to see long after you’re dead. Moments that you’ll spend the rest of your life wishing you could revisit them because nothing will ever be as sweet.”

He was whispering now, hushed, like he didn’t want any part of the world to hear him. Secrets and words were powerful currency. Both could be used at a moment’s notice to bring someone to their knees. Aelin had learned that with the death of her parents, Arobynn’s betrayal, Aedion’s strangled pleas as she shut the door on him. If you never gave words life or shared secrets—then they could never be used against you.

“You can’t keep cutting my legs out from underneath me to protect yourself.”

“Aelin, that wasn’t my intention at all. I thought you’d call me on my bullshit with some line about how the piano wasn’t out of tune or something.”

“I showed you my underbelly. I know you could tell I was nervous. Do you really think a joke was the appropriate response?”

He snorted. “Well, now I don’t.”

Exasperation zipped up her spine and she pulled hard against his hold. If he wanted to be a prick to someone, it wasn’t going to be her. Rowan adjusted his hold before slipping his other arm around her, holding her tight to his chest. She struggled but stopped when it became apparent he wasn’t going to let up. She didn’t have to see his handsome face to know he was wearing a smug smile as he rested his chin on her head.

“I think that if I could bottle up that moment, I’d never know another sorrow for the rest of my life.”

The confession had been unexpected and brutally honest. The vulnerability in his words was profoundly tangible. A feeling all too familiar. The tension left her body as Aelin relaxed into him, taking time to process what he had said before she responded. Words, they mattered, and while he wasn’t hers, it felt like right now he was. In another life, she could turn to him and capture his lips with her own in a silent conveyance of how she felt. They were two faces of the same coin, different, beautiful apart, but whole together.

But Hellas himself would have to drag that secret out of her. No acknowledgement meant no control. This life had enough influence on her; she couldn’t afford to give it anymore. So instead of saying and doing what she wanted, she offered him a small thank you that tasted rancid on her tongue.

He continued to hold her; his strong arms wrapped comfortably tight. His shirt had moved up his arms a bit, showing off tanned skin, and the whorls of his tattoo. Later, she promised herself, she would ask him what it all said and meant. A handful of the words were known to her, but the archaic language had fallen out of favor years before her time.

“Do you think we should help with the decorations?” his question vibrated across her back.

“Why should I help with my apology gift, defeats the purpose doesn’t it?”

“Always with the smart mouth,” he declared with a pinch to her side.

“It’s part of my charm.”

“I mean if that’s what you want to call it.”

“You know what, you get to put up the 26ft tree up outside. By yourself.”

“You promise?”

He sounded too excited at the prospect. “Better yet, I’ll send Manon to help you.”

Rowan’s arms dropped from around her and he stepped into the doorway, wide-eyed.

“Snow leopard got your tongue?” Aelin’s smirk was threatening to split her face in two.

“I will take anyone else. She’s scary,” he fake whispered, looking over his shoulder while he said it.

“I know. I think it’ll be good for you.”

“I had another idea in mind.”

“Go on,” she encouraged.

“I was thinking you could help me. I won’t make you do any heavy lifting, and you can insult me the entire time.”

“It’s not enough. What else?”

“What else?” he said slightly taken aback.

“Mhmm, what else?” She thoroughly enjoyed how panicked he looked as he wracked his brain to come up with something agreeable.

“I’ll bring you an entire chocolate hazelnut cake the next time I come by the shop.”

“But you’ve already brought me some before. Try again.”

He ran a hand through his hair, displacing some of the silver locks. Her eyes followed and it was then she knew what she wanted.

“You can let me braid your hair?”

He suspiciously sounded like he was choking before falling into a small coughing fit. Aelin had got him, satisfaction rolling through her.

“One time. This is a one-time deal because I fucked up a lot recently and I’d do just about anything to make you smile.

“Well, I chose wisely then. We better go drag tree out of the carriage house. And check on everyone else, because it’s too quiet and with Dorian around, that’s never a good thing.”

Rowan gestured towards the foyer, allowing her the chance to head first into the chaos.

Surprisingly, most of the upstairs had been decorated and the bannisters had been wrapped in garlands. When Rowan and Aelin had surveyed everyones’ work, both shared a look of guilt at not having helped. Connall and Vaughn had moved the big boxes for them and hadn’t been seen since. Rowan asked if they needed any other heavy lifting done, but Lys, Manon, and Elide waved them off.

Taking the back set of stairs down, they wandered into the kitchen, to find Vaughn flipping through several cookbooks laid out on the counters, writing things down on a scratch paper. “Do you have a zester?” he asked without looking up.

“I should, in one of those drawers. What are you doing?”

“Well, someone has to make Yulemas Eve dinner, Aelin,” he replied like it should have been glaringly obvious.

“I normally just have takeout and pretend the day doesn’t exist,” she admitted quietly.

“Aelin?”

“Yeah, Con?”

“Don’t take this the wrong way but get out of the kitchen.”

She questioningly looked up at Rowan and mouthed, “Was it something I said?”

He jerked his head towards the back door and out they went. “He takes food very seriously. He loves to cook for everyone, and he eats pretty clean. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him eat takeout. He’ll eat at restaurants but spends twenty minutes picking apart the menu before eating. Its rather cumbersome.”

“So, it was something I said,” she chuckled.

“Can you two shut up or go somewhere else?” a displeased, muffled voice asked. Both turned and noted Dorian happily smothered beneath two dogs on the porch swing. Rowan had brought Elliot. She smiled to herself—it was sweet he loved his dog the way she loved Fleetfoot.

“I thought you were helping with decorations, not sleeping your highness.”

“I was in the way and Fen said I was too whiny. Besides, Lorcan showed up looking angry and pushed me off the ladder. I wasn’t going to get into it with that guy. He’d eat me for breakfast or use me as snow leopard bait.”

“And to think you’re supposed to be taking over running Adarlan.”

“Well, when I take it over, I can order someone to deal with unpleasantries like that man. Or manual labor. You know I was built to supervise.”

People told Aelin she was dramatic, which she was. But somehow, she knew they’d find another adjective to describe her antics if they had to put up with Dorian. He was lovable, fiercely loyal, fun, a good listener, but nauseatingly theatrical without much effort or thought.

“If you change your mind and get tired of lying with the dogs, we’ll be out front putting up the tree.” Rowan looked like he was ready to bite through his lip to keep from laughing.

It took twenty minutes for them to pull out all the tree boxes from the carriage house and drag them into the front yard. Lorcan and Fen had offered to help but Rowan had politely declined, letting them know if they were needed, he’d get them.

Aelin could tell Rowan was really trying to make up for last night. He’d followed each direction she’d given him to the T and done so without terrorizing her in the process. He didn’t even laugh when she tripped over an errant tree root poking out of the ground and knocked over several boxes, spilling shiny ornaments everywhere.

The tree was halfway done, and she was fluffing the faux branches, waiting for him to return with ladders so they could put the rest up. Once it was put together, they could plug it in, and see what lights needed replacement before deciding on ornament placement. Her mom had always taken ornaments seriously and hung them all herself. It took hours sometimes because she’d take several breaks to step back and look, moving the glass balls accordingly until they were perfect.

Inside, there was a Christmas tree for every room except the bathrooms and kitchen. All differed in size or style, each with their own set of dedicated ornaments. Each Yulemas, Rhoe had gotten both her and her mom a new ornament to be hung on the tree of their choosing. Some were wooden, others blown glass, and on occasion, metal. It had been years, but pain ferociously nipped at the heels of nostalgia made it feel like this was the first Yulemas without them.

In a way it was. The holidays that had been celebrated with Aedion, Gavriel, and Arobynn, had been spent at the latter’s house. It was easier that way. She thought that Arobynn had been doing her a kindness but really it was just to ensure he could keep an eye on everyone. If all ends of the knot were in your hand, nothing could unravel, providing all the reassurance you needed.

Not wanting to be melancholy when Rowan came back, she sidelined her thoughts, returning back to fluffing the branches, doing her best to fill in any bare spots. It was tedious, often cramping her hands, but there was comfort in monotonous activity. Most of it was done, but one particular branch was proving to be a hindrance. A few colorful words escaped as she tipped forward, catching a mouthful of synthetic tree.

“Are you trying to tip the whole thing over?” he asked playfully.

“If that what it takes to get that last branch fluffed, then yes,” she replied stubbornly looking over her shoulder at him.

He tipped his head back, a full-bodied and carefree laugh sounding from him. He looked like the picture she’d been admiring on the bar wall—young and happy. She could only watch him, a smile of her own forming. Rowan was handsome; the most striking man she’d ever seen but nothing compared to this, and Aelin vowed to never let this memory go. He continued to laugh as he walked up and reached above her, righting the troublesome branch.

“Is that better?”

“Yes. If you could have been a minute sooner, I wouldn’t have taken branches to the face.”

“If my defense, the appropriate ladder was in the back of the carriage house, buried under stuff. And it’s heavy. I also stopped to talk to the guys.”

“Uh huh. I just hear excuses.”

A loud squeal escaped her as Rowan’s strong arms picked up and tipped her upside down while tickling her ribs. “Excuses, huh?”

“Ye—.” She tried to speak but he continued his assault, making it too hard to answer.

“What was that? I can understand you. Words, Aelin. Use your words.”

Every time she tried to talk; he tickled her again. Her stomach hurt from laughing and her head felt heavy from being upside down. If she was lucky, he was ticklish, too. She grabbed above his knee and squeezed—he jerked and almost dropped her.

She screamed in half in delight, half in panic. Was tickling him back worth the possibility of being dropped? It wasn’t that far to the ground, but it was far enough. Tickling him won out and she latched onto his knee, squeezing it.

“Hey, stop that!”

“You started it.”

“Don’t make me drop you.”

“I trust you not to.” She smiled deviously. He wouldn’t drop her now, not after she’d said that. The likelihood of him dropping her before was minute, but added reassurance wasn’t bad. She hadn’t counted on him starting to spin. His grip tightened and he spun and spun and spun. Her head was swimming when he stopped. He seemed completely unphased.

Aelin was about to tease him some more when she felt the familiar vibration of a phone. Hers was inside, which meant it was Rowan’s. As though she weighed nothing more than a feather, he continued to brace her body against his with one arm and used his newly freed one to dig in his pocket. His body stiffened as he looked at the screen. Flipping her upright, he set her down and took two steps back, answering the phone.

Eaves dropping was extremely rude, but he was still so close—it was hard not to hear every word of the exchange between them. His silver brow furrowed the longer the conversation continued, and he was intermittently pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. Lyria was clearly upset that he hadn’t answered her previously calls or called her back. Then she brought up how he wasn’t “here”. Aelin didn’t know where “here” was, but she did know it wasn’t hanging out with his friends.

“I’m not going to do this with you right now. You’re jumping down my throat and I understand you’re upset, but this isn’t how I want to spend my holiday. I love you and I’m sorry I had a prior commitment. You knew this when you asked me last week.”

Prior commitment? The decorating was last minute, she knew from Elide’s tenuous confession and pleading this morning. So, what had Rowan given up to be here? The mother of his child was currently ripping him a new one, he’d ignored several phone calls, and still, he was in here, instead of doing whatever he was supposed to be doing.

She startled when he said her name. She had missed him hanging up with Lyria. His guarded green gaze met hers and held steady. He was waiting for to ask him what was going on. Most of it didn’t need to be asked about because she heard it, but against her better judgement, she had to ask two questions.

“Where were you supposed to be and why aren’t you with her?”

His angular jaw tensed just enough to let her know he was uncomfortable with what she had asked of him. His left hand clenched into a fist, the tanned skin of his forearm flexing the tattooed whorls. “I’m not with her because I didn’t want to be.”

“But she’s having your baby. And it’s Yulemas tomorrow.”

“Thank you for that astute observation, Aelin.”

“I just don’t understand,” she said plainly. Quietly.

“I was supposed to go to Doranelle early this morning, on a red eye, but I didn’t. She’s mad because I wouldn’t cancel it to go spend the holiday with her and her parents. I’ve spent every Yulemas with my cousins since my parents died.” She knew he’d lost his parents, but he’d never stated is so plainly. Truly, he had said more about himself in those three sentences as he had in as many months of friendship.

“Did you tell her you didn’t go?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“And she’s livid you still didn’t go to her parents.” It should have been a question, but she said it as a statement instead. It was evident from the tense exchange just how upset the dark-haired woman was about his lack of attendance.

“Correct.”

It was apparent that any further explication on the subject was going to be like pulling teeth.

“Did you miss your plane?”

“No,” he answered flat and succinct.

“Did they ask you not to come?”

“Of course not. They were very upset when I called this morning and said I wasn’t coming.”

“Why didn’t you go?” she pushed. It was unfair he always knew what was going on in her head, soliciting more than what she wanted to comfortably give. She didn’t regret trying to give him a taste of his own medicine.

“Don’t ask me that Aelin.”

While the please wasn’t audible, she knew it was implied, as was the reason he didn’t go.

Her.

His green eyes were still upon her, narrowing slightly, as he anticipated her next move. She wanted to call him on his unsaid truth. To prod and prod and prod until one of them snapped, the consequences be damned. But she didn’t. He’d shown her the smallest glimpse inside his walls. If her inquisition backfired, he’d never let her in again.

Trust took an irrational amount of time to foster and create but could be forced to ruination in seconds. She would not bring their friendship to the battlefield today. As hard as it was to sit on her hands, it was exactly what she did.

“I think if we don’t hurry up with the tree, it’ll be dark, and we’ll have missed Connall’s cooking.”

Rowan visibly relaxed, like one of the Staghorns had been lifted off his shoulders. “You’re probably right. Fenrys and Lorcan won’t hesitate to eat our food if we’re not there when Con deems its dinner time.”

The rest of the tree took around an hour to put together, Rowan of course doing all the heavy lifting, and much to his chagrin, some branch fluffing while Aelin directed him from the ground. After she had almost fallen off the ladder reaching to fix one of them, he had refused to let her back on, using his body to block her. She was secretly glad; it gave her a chance to watch him unencumbered. His muscled frame, despite being large, moved with graceful ease, keeping him steady 20 plus feet in the air.

Aelin had only seen a small glimpse of the finished decorations and was itching to get up from the dinner table to look, but her friends kept sending judgmental looks her way. Rowan had thought it would be more special to plug in the lights outside once dinner was over, so they could ring in Yulemas as a family—she’d been pouting ever since. The need for instant gratification was on the forefront of her brain.

Now that the decorations were up and finished, the joy she used to feel before her parents’ loss was coming to life, soon to be a roaring fire. Connall had said he was putting the finishing touches on several dishes and waiting for dessert to finish, before dinner would start. It felt like later would never come.

“Would you quit bouncing your leg like a little kid who has to pee?” Lys quietly said into her ear.

“I’m starving and no one will let me look at the decorations.”

“Yes because you got out voted and we’re doing it all together. Not any one person has seen it all.”

“Quit scolding me like a child,” whined Aelin, tipping her head back against the chair. On her left, out of the corner of her eye, she could see Rowan’s mouth tip up in a lopsided grin as his gaze flicked away from Fenrys to her. Her pain was the night’s entertainment.

“You’re acting like a toddler right now,” Lysandra tried to sound stern but ended up laughing.

“Lysssssssss.”

“This is why you were an only child. Elide was she this insufferable growing up?”

“Worse. Between her and Aedion, it was constant ego, theatrics, and bad decisions. I’m pretty sure it’s why I ended up being an only child. My mom had to put up with them and then come home to me. I asked for a brother once and she started bringing me to play with them… I didn’t want one after that.”

“It wasn’t that bad, Elide,” Aelin declared indignantly.

The dark-haired woman remained silent, but raised a disbelieving eyebrow and stared her down. Aedion and Aelin had been menaces to her parents, Elide’s mother Marion, and Gavriel, but Elide had been their partner in crime too many times to count. Aelin would let the rest of the table believe Elide the angel she appeared to be, for now.

“Aelin, why don’t you go decorate the tree in your bedroom? I left a box with your name on it sitting on the bed. It was full of ornaments,” chimed in Manon as she walked in from the kitchen, a newly poured glass of red wine in hand.

“You found my tree?”

Manon snorted, the wine almost sloshing over the side of her glass when she did so. “It was hard to miss. Giant scrawl was all over the two boxes declaring it was your tree and the decorations that went with it. You guys really love Yulemas in this house.”

“Yeah we did,” she agreed, renewed nostalgia setting in. A heavy hand landed on her bouncing leg, giving her knee a brief, reassuring squeeze. Her blue eyes flicked over to Rowan’s, and he inclined his head towards the door, motioning for her to go.

She weaved out of the room and out the front dining room entrance, ending up at stairs closet to her room. Halfway up, a second set of footfalls joined in hers, and without turning, she knew it was Rowan. The outside tree and being present today, had been apology enough, but if he wanted to watch her agonize over perfect placement for her tree, then she’d let him.

The box on her bed was open, ratty cardboard flaps revealing some of her most prized possessions. Twenty-one years of her life could be found in this box. Every year, her father would present her mother and her with handpicked ornaments. It was tradition to open them on Yulemas Eve and then hang them on the tree at midnight.

Manon had set the tree to the right of her fireplace. It stood tall and naked in front of her bookshelf. Eagerly, she stuck her hand into the box of brightly colored tissue paper, pulling out a wrapped ball. Instant tears welled in her eyes as she unwrapped it. A flaming red heart sat nestled in her hand. It had been the last one her father had gotten for her and the most meaningful Yulemas gift she’d ever received.

A silent tear rolled down her cheek, dripping onto the tissue paper, darkening it. Another one followed. She knew it was in here but hadn’t expected it to be the very first one out of the box. She could feel his presence heavy at her side, probably wondering she was looking at her hands like they held the world.

She sniffed, her runny nose making very unlady like noises, “My dad got my mom and I handmade ones every year. We’d open them the night before Yulemas and hang them on the tree at midnight, signifying the start of our favorite day of the year. This one, it was the last one he got me before they died.”

“Aelin, it’s beautiful.”

“It’s what they used to call me. Fireheart.”

“Very fitting.”

“Not anymore. I don’t even know that girl.”

“I do,” he said quietly before slipping it from her hands and hanging it on a branch towards the top.

Aelin wanted to argue with him, to tell him that the girl she used to be was just as dead as her parents. She had been a force, burning brightly—unapologetically herself. There wasn’t a mountain she couldn’t conquer. She had been someone who never needed anyone, who didn’t cry at the drop of a hat, and had never doubted herself.

Now, she was nothing but a field of ash, burned and unrecognizable.

He held out his hand, waiting for her to hand him another, and she did methodically until the box was empty. It was stunning, each placed just right. The tree could have been in a magazine, reminding her of the days when Evalin had spent hours adorning the trees to the same standard.

Rowan’s tall frame dropped to the floor, and he plugged in the tree, illuminating the room. The heart at the top had been strategically placed, backlit by a bulb, giving the illusion it was actually burning. He leaned into her legs, his head resting against her hip as they stared at the tree.

“Sometimes, we all just need a little light.” The statement was weighted and required no elaboration, clearly a nod to her earlier confession. She dropped her hand to his head, idly running her fingers through the loose, silver strands. He had taken his hair out of its bun earlier, in anticipation of her braiding it, but they had never gotten around to it. It would have to be done at a later date; he would not get off scot-free.

“Dinner!” a cacophony of loud voices rang out from somewhere beyond the walls of her bedroom. Hastily, the pair separated, several feet of distance now between them. Shame felt heavy in the pit of her stomach as she stared at Rowan, who was conveniently looking at books on the shelf nearest him.

It might not have been the embrace of lovers, but the moment had been just as intimate, if not more. He was spoken for, a father-in-the-making, and situations like this, shouldn’t be happening. Aelin was to Rowan as a moth was to a flame—inexplicably drawn, despite the promise of a tragic outcome.

Moving forward, she would have to religiously remind herself that traipsing the fine line between friends and something more was not in the best interest of anyone involved. Too many cards were in play, and she did not yet possess a winning hand. With one last look, she strolled out of the room and rushed down the stairs, eagerly returning to her earlier seat.

Elide gave her a questioning look when she sat down alone. She shrugged her shoulders, reaching for whatever dish was closest to her. Later, one of her friends would corner her, demanding answers about her quality time spent with the silver-haired male. They were all a bunch of gossips, yet, if she shoe were on the other foot, she’d be acting the same. Secrets were the glue that helped bind friendships together.

Con had out done himself. The table was laden with various dishes from one side to the other. There was no way she was going to be able to try it all. She plopped a heaping spoonful of mashed potatoes on the white and gold plate in front her and then followed it with carved pieces of turkey. A basket of rolls was making its way around but was rudely intercepted by Rowan’s big hand as he swiped one before sitting down.

“Looks like that was the last one, Aelin,” shared Dorian with a sympathetic look. He set the empty basket down and all she could do was stare at it, letting out a loud and dramatic sigh.

“There’s another batch baking. The rolls always go first,” called Con from the opposite end. It didn’t make it better. She had wanted one now. Instant gratification and all.

“Here,” he said warmly, his tattooed hand placing half a roll onto her plate. Melted butter glistened on the top and her ire softened, just slightly, at his gesture. Her turquoise eyes followed his hand’s retreat, a tingling, heavy sensation forming low in her stomach when he licked the butter from his fingers. Her thighs clenched together, a poor attempt at quelling the wayward response her body was having to such an innocuous act.

The gods were testing her. As if last night’s conversation or today’s Yulemas decorating had not been enough, now they were dangling a hot, hot man who she couldn’t touch right in front of her. Perhaps, she should attend Temple and pray to Kiva for atonement or to Lumas’, whose birthday was tomorrow… he was the God of Love afterall.

“I think we should go around and say one thing we’re grateful for or that we hope happens in the next year. Seems more fun than the traditional grace said at Holidays,” suggested Vaughn.

“Oh, I love this!” Dorian declared excitedly, dropping his napkin into his lap, and sitting up straight. His blue eyes were sparkling. “I’m grateful I’m spending this holiday with great friends.”

“That is so lame,” Manon declared dryly. Her unnaturally yellow eyes were pinned on Dorian, daring him refute her.

“It may be lame, but it’s true. I usually spend today and Yulemas with my family and Chaol. It’s nice to do something different with people who don’t tell me how much of a screw up I am. Or who don’t rant incessantly about mutual friends.” His gaze flicked to Aelin’s when he said the last part; apology was etched into his face.

“Well, we’re honored to be the better choice,” Fenrys said, raising his glass to Dorian before tipping it back. “I’m grateful for the beautiful life I get to live, and I hope this next year continues to bring good things to me and my.” Collective nods and smiles spread around the table.

“I’m grateful that Vaughn finally asked me out,” declared Conall with a grin so wide, it crinkled his eyes so much they almost looked shut. Vaughn leaned over, placing a sweet but chaste kiss against his lips.

“Me too, you’re the best part of my day.”

“Can we save some of the sweet for dessert? My teeth are rotting out just looking at you two.”

“She has to eat children for breakfast,” Dorian whispered, looking slightly frightened.

“I heard that,” Manon replied drolly. She took a large sip of wine from her glass, keeping the raven-haired male pinned with her glare. Aelin found it too amusing how much the woman liked to torture Dorian. He always acted as though at any second he was going to be disemboweled by her hands. Honestly, that seemed a little messy… she seemed the type to just snap someone’s neck and step over the body, unbothered.

“I’m grateful for the success of The Thirteenth.”

Lys coughed pointedly. Manon sighed, “I’m grateful for my friends. I guess you all are pretty cool.”

“Glad we rank somewhere in your life,” Lys laughed. “I’m grateful for Fleetfoot and I hope that by this time next year, I have something like Connall and Vaughn.” Despite being a top figure in the modeling world and successful in her own right, Lysandra had struggled in the romance department. It seemed to Aelin that most guys just saw a pretty face and became disinterested when they learned she actually had brains to accompany the beauty.

“I’m not doing this,” Lorcan vowed stone-faced.

“Yes you are,” argued Elide. Her dark eyes fiercely meeting his. A silent conversation passed between the pair, ending with the large, brooding male’s shoulders sagging in defeat.

“I’m grateful for my brothers and for ‘Lide.” He didn’t smile at his admission. In fact, he looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here at the dinner table.

Elide rested her head against Lorcan’s arm, smiling to herself. The appeal of their relationship was lost on Aelin. Lorcan seemed about as fun as running naked through thorn bushes or fighting a Ghost Leopard with only your bare hands.

“I’m grateful I twisted my ankle. I’ve never been glad to be clumsy until this year.”

There it was. Aelin had never actually asked Elide how she’d found Lorcan. Obviously, there were more details, but it seemed the angry man had a penchant for damsels in distress.

The table looked expectedly at her and Rowan, waiting for one of them to go. The food they’d plated was likely cold and the rolls were probably burning. It was worth it though, to hear all the sappy things that holidays brought to light.

“I’m fortunate to have irreplaceable friends and a proclivity for quality literature.” He didn’t bother to look at anyone else, his stormy green gaze focused on her. The conviction of his admission sent her heart skittering. A pink flush colored her cheeks, partly because it felt like he was stripping her bare and because there was an audience to his veil remark. The aforementioned line was growing finer by the minute.

Eager to redirect the focus of the table back to the task at hand, she didn’t acknowledge him. “I’m most grateful that I don’t have to sit alone at rock bottom. And for the grace you have all shown me as I try to find myself, again and again. Thank you for being the kindling that keeps my fire going.”

“Here, here,” cheered Fenrys loudly, his smile infectious. Aelin felt an answering one spread wide across her face. “Now let’s eat because there’s a whole lot of lights waiting for us.”

And eat they did; what started as a daunting amount of food, hardly seemed like it was going to be enough at the end. Aelin hadn’t kept company with men who could eat like that since her cousin and uncle. Every single one of them was fit, with hardly any body fat to their name, and likely their insatiable appetite stemmed from their active lifestyles. Dorian, for as high maintenance as he was, worked out several times a week. He blamed it on having an “image” to uphold.

Aelin was so uncomfortable, bloated like a fat tick, that she did not even have room to eat the chocolate hazelnut croissants sitting in front of her. Connall had found the recipe starred with a note declaring “Aelin’s favorite”. She’d probably have a good cry later after everyone left whilst eating one in the dark. Maybe if she was feeling terribly masochistic, she’d open the book, and run her fingers over the words written down. Would she feel the echoes of a mother’s love in the indented script? Would there be greasy fingerprints staining the pages? Would she hear the laughing chastisement of her dad as reminded her she had to wait for them to cool? What ghosts would creep in the dead of night?

“If I don’t walk around and digest this food, I’m simply going to perish right here.” Dorian was splayed out in his chair, looking pitiful, eyes pinched shut.

“Then get up. Your decomposing corpse will stain my floors.”

“Rude. You’d just let me rot right there?” he asked exasperated now staring at the floor.

Aelin shrugged, unabashed. “You’re too heavy for me to move.”

His eyes grew wide, hand flying to his chest in horror. “I know you did not just call me fat.”

“If you weren’t so vain, you wouldn’t have taken it like that.”

“That’s rich, the pot calling the kettle black.”

She laughed loudly, amusement sinking in. “I never said I wasn’t vain. Besides my dead body would be easier to move.”

“Again, with the fat jokes.”

“What cheerful Yulemas conversation: rotting bodies,” deadpanned Lorcan.

“You two are such children,” Lysandra observed. It sounded like she was trying to reprimand them, but the entertained look on her face said otherwise.

“He started it.”

“Aelin, stop,” Elide begged, dragging out the ‘p’ dramatically.

Huffing, she rolled her eyes, and closed her mouth, the rebuttal sadly dying on her tongue.

“Well, it’s almost midnight, so we better hurry through, so we can make it outside to plug the tree in when it’s officially midnight. Let the tour commence,” Elide sing-songed, clapping her hands together. One at a time, they filed out of the living room, through the kitchen, and into the living room. Both Fleetfoot and Eliot were asleep under the large Christmas tree that occupied one corner. The tree was decorated in only white ornaments, the clear lights slowly fading in and out, casting a warm glow throughout the room. It was so cliché, but perfect, nonetheless.

The exited the living room and made it back to the back stairs, the banister wrapped in frosted pine garlands with red bows. A small Christmas tree was nestled between the bathroom and closet doors. They followed Elide up the stairs, poking their heads in the decorated upstairs rooms, enjoying how each tree had its own theme.

Manon had decorated the front porch balcony, a beautiful tree in the middle, wreaths hung from the windows, and garlands with bright red, velvet bows decorated the columns. The downstairs porch carried the same décor, sans the tree. Both trees in the formal sitting room and piano room could be seen from the windows—perks of having 6ft windows in all the rooms.

They headed down the front set of stairs and took a moment to look closer at the trees in the sitting and piano room. The fireplaces were decorated with pine garlands with candied fruit slices strung along them instead of bows. It smelled liked mulled cider with a citrusy note. Aelin couldn’t have asked for a better group of friends. She knew that Elide had been the mastermind behind the decorations and today. After all, she’d really been the only one around to know how it used to be, to know how much care Evalin had put into the whole craft.

Her eyes burned with unsaid emotion. Today had been exactly what she had needed. These decorations, these friends, these new memories… they helped lessen the ache that had griped her heart mercilessly tight for almost a decade. Grief had been holding her head under water for so long, it was difficult to know how to come up for air.

Her ribcage expanded as she pulled in a deep breath and then exhaling, enjoying how it didn’t quite feel so heavy anymore to do so. “Thank you. It seems so paltry a gesture compared to this—,” she gestured to their surroundings, “but it’s the best way I know how right now.”

“Seeing your eyes light up has been all the thanks I needed. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you look like that,” Lys replied, slipping an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. She relaxed her head against her friend, enjoying the peaceful silence that had befallen them.

“Hate to ruin the moment, but its 11:58, and there’s a tree that needs lighting.” Thank the gods Connall was paying attention.

Hastily, they bounded out the front door, off the porch, and out into the yard. The unlit tree towered high into the night, the top barely visible. They stood together, merriment and anticipation freely flowing. The tree flickered to life with an audible buzzing sound. Aelin squinted, her eyes attempting to adjust to the bright radiance. Her and Rowan had done an amazing job. The ornaments were visible, some almost looking like they were lit themselves, the bulbs glowing against them.

She wasn’t sure how much time had passed or even if it was. Truthfully, it felt like time was standing still—the moment felt infinite as they stood there, heads craned back, eyes wide with wonder. Yulemas, was a god’s birthday, but it was also a day of celebration and togetherness. A day for unbridled joy. An unspoken agreement with the universe that worries and troubles didn’t matter. No bad things could happen because just for one day, the gods hit pause on it all.

“Happy Yulemas.”

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Aelin was wrapped in her favorite blanket, sitting on the porch, still basking in the tree’s light. She had missed its presence more than she had known and now that it was up, the idea of leaving it to sleep, caused an ache in her chest. All of her friends, except one, had left hours ago. She didn’t know the exact time, but it late, the horizon staring to lighten just barely, signaling dawn wasn’t too far off.

It was supposed to snow, but the sky was clear, not a whisp of clouds in the sky. The air was heavy and still though, the smell of frost tickling her nose. Having a white Yulemas would be wonderous, especially with the house done up in spectacular fashion. It had been years since Orynth had been graced by snow on Lumas’ birthday.

“I have something for you.” His sleepy voice startled her. When she had last looked at him, he had been sleeping peacefully, Elliot curled into his side on the wooden bench.

Her gaze flicked over to him, noting that while she had been staring off, wishing for snow, he had sat up, folded his blanket, and pulled back his hair into a bun. She really needed to work on her observation skills, if only for self-preservation.

“It’s in the truck,” he said as he stood and extended a hand to her.

As content as she was wrapped up like a burrito, she uncurled herself, and slipped her hand into his. It was warm and calloused and much larger than her own. He didn’t let go even when she was to her feet and Aelin knew she should pull her hand back, but she didn’t. For just five minutes, it would be okay to pretend that there was nothing wrong with holding his hand. No lines were being blurred or crossed or ignored. He was just a guy and she was just a girl.

Elliot faithfully trotted behind them, stuck to Rowan like glue. Her own dog, had refused to come outside, choosing to lay in front of the fire. Fleetfoot was spoiled and it showed. They did say people often picked dogs like themselves.

Rowan opened the driver side door and dug around, only dropping her hand when he had to lean further across the bench seat. He stepped out of the door, allowing for Elliot to jump up into the truck—which caused her to deflate a little inside because it meant he was leaving. She wasn’t sure if she was dreading finally being alone or dreading him leaving.

He shut the door and leaned back against it. Holding is hand up between them, a small brown box with a gold bow sat on his open palm. When she didn’t immediately grab it, he stepped closer, their bodies almost touching. If she took even half a step, angled her head just so, their lips would be flush, and that was the only thing running through her brain.

When he spoke, his breath warmed her lips, “Are you going to open it, or do you have x-ray vision and haven’t told me?”

Embarrassment and shame coursed through her veins. Kissing him was the absolute last thing she should be contemplating. Her hand quickly relieved him of the package, and she took a step back, opening it. Reaching in, she hooked a green ribbon with her finger and pulled up.

Fleetfoot. A dog had been carved out of wood, collar, and everything, and stained to appear just like her own.

“It’s beautiful,” she breathed quietly. A tear streaked down her right cheek.

Before she even registered him move, his hand was cupping her jaw, and he was swiping away the tear with his thumb. A small amount of pressure applied forced her to look at him. He stared intently at her, and she suddenly didn’t know how to breathe.

“I carved it from a piece of wood I cut that day you were at my house. I almost took my thumb off a few times. It was hard to get her just right.”

“It seems like it would be hard to whittle something with so much detail.”

Rowan opened his mouth a few times but said nothing. He seemed to be struggling internally with himself, his brow furrowing quite noticeably for it being so dark and hard to see features in any great detail. Frustrated with his silence, she huffed, “What?”

“When you told me about your Yulemas tradition earlier in your bedroom, I thought to myself how fortuitous it was that I had spent weeks on this thing for you. Out of all the things, I’d carved you something to be hung on a tree.” His hand slowly down her neck, his words barely above a whisper. The drag of his hot hand against her cooled flesh sent shivers down her spine, straight to core. Aelin’s self-control was fraying like a worn rope, soon too many fibers would break, and it would snap all together, ending with her doing something incredibly rash.

Sucking in a ragged breath, she dropped her gaze, and counted to ten, a pitiful attempt to ground her thoughts. His hand remained against her neck, the tip of his thumb grazing the straight plane of her jawbone. She wondered if he could feel her pulse racing or the flushed heat of her skin against his open palm.

“I love my gift, Ro. I’ll hang it on my tree when I go inside.”

He suddenly pulled her close without hesitation, the end of her promise muffled by his muscled chest. Pine and snow deliciously filled her nose she tucked her face in a little tighter. She could feel his hands playing with the tips of her hair and the unmistakable press of lips against the crown of her head.

“Happy Yulemas, Fireheart.”

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Tag list:

@lunadorned @theresyourfireandblood @backtobl4ck @leiawritesstories @morganofthewildfire @rowaelinismyotp @jorjy-jo @theresyourfireandblood @numbers-colors-fashion @swankii-art-teacher @whispers-in-the-darkest-heart @stardelia @astra-ad-mare

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crescencestudio · 1 year

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Devlog #27 | 01.24.23

Hi everyone!

Wow, it’s been a while! I didn’t realize how long it’s been until I had to go searching for the last devlog to see what my progress has been since then LOL. I hope you all have been well and that 2023 has been kind to you so far <3

Before we start, I wanted to show our holiday art in case anyone missed it! For the end of the year, we met Fenir under the mistletoe and many people gave him kissies (someone also grabbed his face).

We also wanted to celebrate Lunar New Year with bunny Aisa 🥰

Now for the actual updates. I’ll put them below the cut, so I’m not clogging up everyone’s feed!

Writing

Last time we talked, I said I was making headway on Druk’s first draft. That was a lie LMAO. I’ve switched from Druk to Fenir and have been spending most of my time getting Fenir’s first draft finished. I am VERY close to finishing the first draft—I only have one chapter left.

I think by the time the first draft will be finished, we’ll be sitting at around 30k words; however, this is before I’ve put in things like fun little romance scenes, choices and branches, etc. So Fenir’s route is shaping up to be in a similar range to Kayn’s \o/

Regarding Kayn’s route, we are sitting at 50k+ words wee! I’m super happy with where the script is at right now, especially for it being the developmental phase ^^

Art

golden hour in alaris ✨

In general, the BGs needed for the demo are wrapping up. Because I anticipated this part to take the longest (since there’s just SO many BGs), it means I’m going to be balancing more of my focus on the updated demo as well—focusing more on updating the CGs, coding the soundtrack and VA in, updating the script a bit, cleaning that godforsaken bug, etc. I don’t have a solid estimate on when the updated demo will be ready, but I will update you all immediately when I do <3

Recently, Vui finished up Etza’s room as well as the Market date BG. He also has been working on the Cafe BG, which in my biased opinion looks sososoosososo cute. I just have the sketch right now, and because of Lunar New Year, he is on a (much deserved) break. But I’m very excited to show you all (because obviously I’m going to show you because I have no impulse control and I get excited over everything) the final product!

kayn’s updated demo cg

I’ve continued to work on CGs. Some of it has been updating demo CGs, while some of it has been working on CGs for Kayn’s route. As you can see, with updated ones, my style has changed a lot since the demo. So I’ve slowly been going back in for each of the LIs demo CGs and updating them! It hasn’t been too bad, but I am nervous about the duo ones lmao. I’m not very good at composition that involves more than one subject, so we’ll see how those go ha... ha...

I sat down and actually planned out and did the math for the CGs required for Kayn’s route, and it’s looking like it’ll be around 8-10! Because this amount will be consistent across routes, it means the final CG number for Alaris will be around 48-60 CGs. Looking at that number makes me want to cry a bit, but I know I’ll be working on these throughout the entire year, so it hopefully won’t feel as overwhelming as it looks on paper.

I have most of the sketches finished for Kayn’s CGs (and even some sketches/finished pieces for some of the other LIs), and it honestly hasn’t been too painful of a process, so hopefully it stays that way lol!

Additional Notes

Something I’ve had to start thinking about is getting beta testers again. I bring this up mainly because once Kayn’s route finishes the developmental phase, I’m going to start creating the beta version of their route. Additionally, the new demo will need beta testers.

I’m realizing now with the scope of Alaris, I’ll probably need.... a lot lol. The Alaris demo has a bug that didn’t come up for my beta testing team but has affected some players, and the bug literally makes a part of me die every time I think about it. The demo was much smaller in scope compared to the full game, and I kept the beta testing team small because I didn’t think I would have to make it super super big. But now, I’m realizing the more people involved with the beta testing process, the better so I can ensure a cleaner product.

I’m still not sure how I’ll go about “recruiting” beta testers. It will most likely be a tier available in the upcoming Patreon, but aside from that, I’ll have to give it more consideration!

“Market Research”

And then of course I have been playing visual novels and simping---who do you think I am?? I recently finished V’s route in Mystic Messenger. Wow, that was a ride LOL. I don’t actually have anything drawn up for him, but the experience was so wild, I felt the need to share anyways.

I started playing Piofiore, though! I’ve surprisingly been enjoying it. Nicola is my bbg. I only have Dante and Gilbert’s routes left, so we’ll see if one of them changes anything!

It was also Toasty’s birthday recently, and while I hadn’t planned on drawing anything to celebrate, I did because a sleepy Toasty was too powerful to ignore.

#alaris #devlog

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mrswhozeewhatsis · 1 year

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Shifted - The Plan (Chapter 1/?)

A/N: This is my Secret Santa gift for @jensengirl83 for @spnfanficpond's Secret Santa Fic Exchange! This is just Part 1 and I honestly don't know how many parts there will be or how often I'll get to post them. I have goals, but we'll see if I meet them. Anyway, Brandy mentioned in her list of wishes, "established relationship, fake dating, [that sort of thing]," and my brain did what it always does and became that girl from the taco ads. "Why not both?" I hope this makes you smile in spite of what I've done!

A/N2: This is not beta read by anyone, but both @torn-and-frayed and @katbratsupernaturalwhore have helped with brainstorming for this one!!

Summary: The Winchesters are meeting your family for the first time when you all visit for Christmas. Things don't go quite to plan.

Pairing: Dean x reader

Word count: 1354 words in this part.

Warnings: So far, nothing. This will be updated as I go, though, if anything crops up. I'm posting as I write, for the first time EVER, so I can only say I hope this will be more fluff/crack than anything else.

Nerves fluttered in your belly as you directed Dean through your old neighborhood to your childhood home. Maybe the holidays weren’t the best time for your family to meet your boyfriend for the first time, but hunts had been keeping you away since you’d joined the Winchesters. Your parents didn’t know what you did, and you wanted to keep it that way so they wouldn’t worry about you. As far as they knew, you and the boys were private investigators, with the boys doing the more dangerous cases and you finding lost relatives and cheating spouses. Your family had no idea that you’d decapitated a vampire just the other day.

Sitting forward in the back seat so your head was almost in line with the brothers’, you tapped an erratic beat into Baby’s leather while you noted the changes since you’d been in town last.

“Honey?” Dean said to prod you out of your worried thoughts, “want me to turn on some music so you have a beat, or do you prefer the whacky drum solo you’ve got going on?”

Reflexively stilling your fingers by curling your hands into fists, you gulped and mumbled an apology. “Sorry. Just nervous. I’m not good at lying to my parents and my sister. I’m taking bets in my own head about how long into the weekend we’ll make it before they figure out I’m lying about almost everything.”

Sam turned back in his seat to look at you. “Hey, don’t stress about it too much or it will just get worse. Remember, keep the lies honest and—”

“—the extra details to a minimum,” you finished with him. Sam had been helping you get past your mile-wide honest streak so you could present yourself as an FBI agent without giving everything away in the first conversation with local law enforcement. Dean had always found subterfuge in those cases easy, but it was hard for you. Sam had taken you under his wing and coached you on how to improve without feeling like you were doing something bad. “I know, Obi-wan. But this is my family. They know all of my tells! I never got away with anything growing up! And they’re going to be judging how Dean and I are with each other to make sure we’re happy and everything, so anything that makes them doubt me will blow up in Dean’s face. And I like Dean’s face!” Giving Sam a playful smirk, you said, “It makes up for his hair!”

Dean’s injured outcry mingled with Sam’s laugh and your gigglesnort. “Since when are long, flowing locks a good idea in our profession, huh? My hair makes way more sense than Sam’s ridiculous mop.” He pouted in such a way that you knew he wasn’t hurt, but glad that you were able to joke around through your nerves.

Baby pulled onto the street where you grew up and into your parents’ driveway as you extolled the virtues of longer hair on men. “Yeah, but it’s nice to have something to hold onto sometimes, you know?” You winked as Dean glanced back at you and rolled his eyes with a smile while Sam groaned.

“I don’t need to know about what you guys do during your private time!” With a wave of his hand, he shifted away from you and Dean and looked out the window at the big house looming above the car. “Wow. Big house!”

“Yeah, it’s been in the family for generations. The taxes are hell. Anyway, there’s plenty of room for all of us.”

Just then, as Dean turned off the ignition, the door opened and your sister came out carrying a big box followed by your parents with more boxes and bags, heading to the garage. A million feelings swelled in your chest and made you smile. It had been a while, and you were happy to see your family again, in spite of your fears.

“Oh, shit,” Dean swore, looking at your family.

Your eyes nearly bugging out in worry, you looked at your boyfriend with panic. “What? What shit? No shit! There can’t be shit! What shit could there be? What shit, Dean???”

The panic on Dean’s face only made yours worse. “I think I met your sister before. Long story short, a while back, before we met you, a shifter decided to see how much tail Dean Winchester actually gets. He hit on a girl while wearing my face, went back to her place with her, and they started making out. I followed them, of course, looking for a chance to take him out and save her. She got a little too frisky, clawed him a little too roughly, and got an extra handful she didn’t want, because, you know, shifters shed. As she freaked out, he tried to calm her down, and when it didn’t work, he hit her. That’s when I busted in, grabbed him, dragged him out, and never looked back. I have no idea if she saw me clearly enough to know that I looked just like him. Who knows what she’ll think when she sees me!!”

Both you and Sam were staring at Dean, now, with jaws dropped, only half words coming out of your mouths. It took a couple of seconds for your brain to fully comprehend what Dean was saying.

“You mean, my sister thinks she picked you up in a bar, took you home, literally scratched your skin off, and then you were dragged off by your twin brother?

Your family was now exiting the garage, chatting amiably about something you couldn’t hear while you sat in Baby, trying to reconcile everything Dean was saying. Panic flooded your system.

“Yeah?” Dean answered though he sounded nervous and unsure. “She won’t hold it against me and tell your parents and make life difficult for us, will she?”

You turned on your boyfriend with panic in your eyes. “Of course, she will!! I’m her little sister, and you’re a douchebag with a skin condition!!! She’s going to rip you apart! Considering what she thinks she knows about your skin condition, she may try to actually rip you apart, thinking she can!”

Dean paled, while Sam focused on your family quickly approaching the car.

“Okay, so we’re just going to have to explain everything to at least your sister. Monsters, hunting, shifters, everything,” Sam said. “Maybe we can get your sister alone before she blows everything up to your parents.”

As Sam spoke, your sister stalled halfway across the driveway, staring at Dean. Your parents stopped walking a step later, turning back to see what had stopped your sister. Tracy gestured at Dean and said a few words, which was enough for your parents to stiffen up.

“Yeah, too late for that, I think,” you said, despair overtaking your panic. Your parents would never understand your need to hunt monsters. That was assuming they’d even accept that monsters exist and not throw you in the nuthouse immediately.

Half a second passed before Dean spoke up. “New plan: Sam, you’re Y/N’s boyfriend. I’m the shitheel brother who may or not be rapey. They won’t accept me as your boyfriend, but you can’t choose your boyfriend’s brother. I’ll figure out a story to apologize to your sister, get her to think I just look like the guy but I’m not the guy, or maybe that I’m the hero and not the molting rapist, so they at least don’t call the cops.”

Sam made a weird choking noise in chorus with an unusual whimper that came out of your mouth. But there was no time to argue. Your family was now standing outside the car and Dean was opening his door to get out. This was the worst plan, ever. Explaining that monsters were real would be faster and easier than this. But Dean was already out of the car, heading to the trunk to get your bags. You and Sam looked at each other with wide eyes but silently agreed that there was nothing you could do at this point but go along with the plan.

Part 2

Ye olde forever tags list: @datfandombitch @manawhaat @sammit-janet @littlegreenplasticsoldier @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @iwantthedean @growningupgeek @feelmyroarrrr @thing-you-do-with-that-thing @chelsea072498 @helvonasche @rizlowwritessortof @wheresthekillswitch @sandlee44 @icequeen1371 @tistai @pie-and-pudding @thelittleredwhocould @supernaturallymarvellous @ellen-reincarnated1967 @notnaturalanahi @salt-n-burn-em-all @fumar-et-flores @chalicia @smalltowndivaj @littlefreakingfangirl @straightestgay-voice @percywinchester27 @vanessa-monique-blog @lynn1712 @gallxntdean @antares1980 @hunterpuff @beffyblueeyes-blog @sammiesamness @cassieraider @emoryhemsworth @speakinvain @andkatiethings @latetothewinchesterparty @winchesterprincessbride @drakelover78 @calaofnoldor @idreamofplaid @akshi8278

#dean winchester #dean winchester fanfiction #spn fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fluff #dean x reader #dean fluff #dean crack #mrswhozeewhatsis writes

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hazelthevixen · 2 months

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Hazel's Leap Year Post - Warnings, news, updates, and more!

Happy leap year! I'm not sure how else to celebrate except with my first journal post of 2024 (and first journal in a while), but who knows, maybe I'll think of somethin' ^-^ So how's 2024 so far? For me it's been alright UwU However, I am excited, I feel that 2024 could hold alot of potential for being a good year! >:3 Most days seem to be rather chill at the moment, I have enjoyed a few good outings tho :3 But I'm excited because I'm finally seeing to my big dream of mine! And that's travelling the world! ^w^ I will be going abroad to somewhere nice and hot in november, but I'm also hoping to make more friends locally aswell as seeing if any of my local pals would like to go on holidays with me before november aswell, cos it is quite a long way till november :o I'm hoping I'll get to travel alot this year, my new year's resolution is to travel and make friends after all ^w^ So as you may already know, I'm a very shy person, especially in the offline world. I'm not really confident enough to make the first move, though since I'm working on making more friends, especially offline friends, I'll have to see if I can try and come out my shell more.. ^-^; But I'll get there! I've made friends before and I can make friends again. Wish me luck! :3 Oki so..updates! First of all, I would like to say happy new year and happy chinese new year :3 I enjoyed some food and takeaways aswell as watching the cartoon movie on Disney's Mulan UwU It was great! Mushu is a funny character hehe X3 He is the dragon, which is this year's chinese zodiac. Last year's zodiac is the rabbit! and I just so happen to be the year of the rabbit ^w^ So last year I celebrated by making a new bunny oc. She is part scorpion and part lionhead rabbit, I made her on my birthday to celebrate that aswell as my zodiacs. I am a scorpio aswell as a rabbit, so it only makes sense that my bunny oc is part scorpion! I don't know what type of scorpion but I do know for sure she is a lionhead rabbit :3 I call her Scorpio Bunny, she's not really a fursona but she's still very cute ^w^ I'll post her at some point if I haven't posted her already. But if I have then you should be able to find her in my gallery! :3 I've also been branching out alot to other sites this year, to y'know.. get my works out there and try and get more noticed UwU I've been branching out to reddit, unvale, bluesky, and no mcroll this time, but seeing as it looks like the coast is clear, I returned to deviantart as for now. don't miss the community, but I do kinda miss some of the site's old features.. ÚwÙ No I'm not giving out links here, that's how the stalkers find me. If you want to follow me on those places, you'll have to message me privately. U.U And I wouldn't recommend searching for my accounts either, I somehow managed to get popular enough to end up with imposter accounts, so if you think an account could be me, ask the security questions I have provided on my weasyl and toyhouse (I plan to make security questions available on other places too). Ask several, and if they answer incorrectly or refuse to answer them, then you'll know it's an imposter and not me. The imposter accounts were created by jealous haters who have no life, as their pathetic attempt to frame me and spread more of their crappy fake rumours. But at least every smart person knows not to fall for those lies, only a stupid fool would believe such lies about me.. UwU Anyways, the imposters post disturbing content so that's also part of why I wouldn't recommend searching up my name, especially if you're a bit on the innocent and/or sensitive side. Stay safe! However, I might give out my new subscribestar just so it's easier to access, I might migrate there instead of using patreon because I hear patreon is giving out bans to artists who make content of higher ratings, so I might have to make big changes to my patreon and only make content for all ages, but I'll sort that out later, I'll be needing to make some big improvements to my tiers anyway.. ^-^; My subscribestar is still awaiting for approval, heck even I'm waiting too. I don't know how long approvals are suppose to take as it's been several months now. Until then, please feel free to check out my new subscribestar! https://www.subscribestar.com/hazel?redirect_notice=true I think you can subscribe once it's been approved, but I'm still new here and learning my way around so who knows :o Okay! so plans..what do I plan on doing? well.. in the online world, I am not only hard at work with my comic and artwork, but I have a little surprise that might come later after my comic ^-^ I wont say what because stalkers might try to copy me, but it'll definitely be something fun that you can try out if you like my characters ^w^ Subscribers and patrons will be the first to see new comic and animated episodes when they are out, as it might be a while until the series releases to the whole public, but subscribers will also be first to try out a fun feature where they can interact with my ocs ^w^ The reasons why I'm releasing it later when the comic is out is because you may not know the characters very well before you see stories and media of them, while when you actually go and see them, you develop a fondness to your favourite characters. So that's why I'm releasing the other feature later so people can interact with their favourite characters ^w^ I may however release another feature sometime soon before or during the comic, my good friend Chris aka Employee205664 suggested an idea of another way you can interact with my original characters so shoutouts to Chris aka Civil Defence Fox he's a good pal :3 maybe the other feature will be a bit of a surprise too ^w^ but I think Chris probably knows what it is X3 sshh it's a surprise lol! XD I'll tell you what it is when it's out ;3 but as for now, subscribers gain early access to cool stuff like this =D so if you're a huge fan then I hope you'll support me enough to become a subscriber ^w^ I've had a rough past so the money will go towards helping me aim for a good future to make up for past abuse. Keep in mind that I do work slowly, so as you may of noticed, I even be a while on content like artwork, but I do get things done and I do put alot of love, thought, and effort into the things I make, so it'll all be worth it UwU I've been making The Waffle Stars series since forever so I hope it'll gain alot of love when it's out ^-^ As for offline goals! I've been trying to tidy up all of my house so we can finally get some decorating done, put shelves up, and put up all my wall decorations that's hogging my drawers. I'm also seeing about being allowed a small dog, because of my invisible disabilities, I am eligible for a service dog. another shoutout to my good friend Diamond Faith for the helpful suggestion :3 But before we can be allowed a service dog, we have some obstacles to face First of all, my house does not allow me keeping a dog because the housing people said so. They don't like us keeping dogs and apparently cats aswell I've heard, so I was lucky to be allowed my guinea pigs, since animals kept in cages and tanks are less likely to cause damage to the house, and rodents like guinea pigs need to be constantly chewing on things (it's to keep their teeth healthy) so that's why I give them wood, cardboard, and hay for that reason. So we're planning on leaving the housing people that's not letting us have a dog Secondly, I'm currently proving that yes, I look after my guinea pigs well, I'm probably better at that than looking after myself, but I can still take good care of my house and self too, so I'm proving I can do all that to prove I can look after a dog aswell, because I've lived with dogs ever since when I was wee, so I have at least a bit of knowledge and experience with both dogs and guinea pigs, due to them being animals I've owned before And as I've mentioned before, we're tryna see about travelling more because travelling makes me really happy, it brings me alot of joy. So I'm aiming for a good future to have many things that could bring me joy and happiness, that's the key to having a good future, to work towards your hopes, dreams, and things future you will be able to thank you for ^-^ That aswell as always looking for things to keep you happy and entertained :3 I want to be a pampered princess! XD I'm also gonna try and make lots of local friends, I mean I have alot of online friends, I'd like to make just as many local friends because sadly I've lost touch with alot of my old school friends as I grew older and I would like to reunite with some aswell as making new ones too. Thing is, I'm very shy. So I need to try and practice coming out of my shell more, I think I need to step out my comfort zone sometimes and meet new people <:3 I'm currently hard at work on my art and trying to get some of them finished soon, but I still enjoy making my content, I make everything all for funsies :3 I've also improved my streams lots! now you can become a cute chibi fox when you subscribe to my livestreams ^w^ You get to customise the fox you play as, aswell as taking part in minigames to earn prizes! =D I also started using my mic on streams and made a pngtuber to go along with it, so join the fluffy gang today by becoming a follower on my livestreams! ^-^ https://www.twitch.tv/hazelthevixen I've got alot of offline goals aswell as online ones, they may not be new year resolutions, but they're still goals I'd like to work towards ^-^ Wish me luck! :3 And if you've read it all and made it this far, I jus wanna say..congrats! =D Have a lucky clover ^w^ *she gives you a 4 leaf clover to bring you good luck to all her friends and fans* 🍀 Thank you for checking out my post! :3 *the cute fox is wagging her floofy tail* Take care you guys ^-^

Please be nice when commenting! I refuse to be criticised so please accept that. If you're gonna be mean, don't say anything at all. Thankies for checking out my post! Meep meep! ヽ(◕ヮ◕)ﾉ I'm on other places too! ^-^

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fizzypunks · 1 year

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hi everyone :) its been a moment since ive been on here, but ive certainly not forgotten it. i've been v busy and life picked up since the pandemic, which was the time i got back into writing, into fic in general, and i really miss that feeling bc god knows its definitely not 2020 any more. very odd. but that does bring me to my next steps, because i miss this blog, and i miss writing, a lot. so, house keeping notes:

i miss this blog but i feel like i want something that feels lighter, so i've officially moved over to @daizedream which is now my writing blog. it's not primarily 18+ content but i obviously do write content like that from time to time, so i ask that you follow and interact only if you're 18+. thank you!!

that means my ao3 is now also changed names, and you can find me there as daizedream ~ links from my posts are now broken because of that, but we are the same ppl and is confirmed in ao3 bios.

i have written a handful of things over the past two-ish years, but i havent yet started on some passion projects that have been sitting in my brain for a good near-3 years now, and im happy to say im going to be working on those soon :>

ive written for a lot of niche and rare pairs/ideas/etc and i really appreciated the support and the sense of community that came from those stories, so im actually really excited to say that i have a lot of ideas for those niche/rare pairs, and im planning on writing and completing them next year ~ shikaneji lives rent free in my head and it's been way too long since they've made it out of my head. i have a little fandom list on my other blog tho so i'll be writing for those fandoms too

i am on break now bc im back in school, so it's going to be a bit slow going next year for some projects, esp the big chaptered one that needs planning, but i am hopeful and excited for the short stories/oneshots that i wanna work on and share. school and work dictate the pace of these things, im afraid, so i cant guarantee consistancy

anyways, this is really long and i had to blow off the dust on this blog to even use it but if youve read this far then thank u very much, it means a lot to me, and i wanted to update because i really do miss the community and the writing and the indulgence of way back when, and i just wanted to pop back in and say it. thanks! happy holidays! and please stay warm, its a cold one this winter ~

see you over at daized ~

#author.txt #hi:)#little update #this is so long #also if i havent talked to you in a long time or just fell off the face of the earth im so so sorry #time has this way of feeling like it never passes and then suddenly im way older and two years has gone by #but it is what it is and i am working on changing that #anyways #last post #last on this blog anyway #i really like my new blog space tho it feels more like me #ive had this one for so long that it feels like Them you know?#so i needed a different area to feel like Me again #but!! thats all!! bye!!!

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ahappybeginning · 1 year

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Hi! 👋

So, I honestly didn’t intend for 2 1/2 months to go by without posting here. I’ve just been really focused on my post op journey and making sure I hit all my goals, plus most of my free time was devoted to writing the past couple of months. But now that things have mostly settled, I felt I should check in on here and give an update about what’s been going on since my surgery in October. I don’t even know how many people are still following this blog or care, but I started this mostly for myself so I should probably try to keep up with it more.

So anyway, post op life has been about 85% very positive. Each appointment I’ve had with both my surgeon and nutritionist, they’ve said I’m doing everything perfectly and to just keep going as I have been, which is very encouraging and a huge relief.

I’ve gotten into a fairly good groove with taking all the vitamins and other pills, although recently it’s shifted around a bit because I’m trying to figure out how to make it the most efficient in how it fits into my overall day-to-day schedule. Things got a little wonky over the holidays because I had more days off and it kinda threw some things off, but I’m working on getting myself back into my normal routine again. I’m also adding in a couple new supplements because I’ve felt very tired and sluggish the past few weeks, and I’m worried maybe I’m not getting enough of some things. But overall, I’m doing pretty well.

Food wise, I’m still in the soft food phase for another couple weeks, but after the 20th, I will finally be able to go back to a “normal” diet. Obviously that’s still going to look very different than my old normal, but at least I can add in a wider variety of foods and textures so I’m not just rotating the same 5-6 meals over and over again. I love eggs and cottage cheese but I’m ready for some other options 😅. I’m currently able to eat about 3 oz per meal, which still seems a bit crazy to me that I can be full on so little food, but really I haven’t had any issues with feeling hungry. Probably because I’m supplementing it with a rotation of protein drinks/shakes/shots, and I’m averaging between 120-160 grams of protein a day.

And I’m most happy with the physical results I’m seeing. Not just the actual weight loss (which is fantastic and so much more than I had expected), but also just the ability to move my body more without feeling exhausted or sore. I’ve gotten to the point where I can easily achieve 10,000 steps a day, most of the time by the end of my work shift (I get up and walk around my room every hour or so to make sure I’m not sitting too long), and some days I can get to 13,000-14,000. It’s amazing the difference from just a few months ago, where walking 5 minutes would have me out of breath and having awful back pain. Now I’m walking 30-40 minutes at a time with no problem, and I’m working up to doing even more. And overall, since last May, I’ve lost 134 lbs, 51 of that has been just since my surgery. I honestly can’t be more thrilled with how the physical part of this journey has gone so far. It’s been hugely transformative and I’m so proud of myself for making this decision. Never once have I felt an ounce of regret, even through some of the harder parts.

Which I guess leads me to the 15% not so positive stuff. Thankfully, I’ve not had any issues with not tolerating food, but sometimes my multivitamin will make me a bit nauseous. I’ve tried to make sure and take them right after I eat, but sometimes it still makes me feel icky. And I’ve tried different brands and types, the one I keep going back to is the soft chew, which I like fine (it’s actually kind of like a Starburst candy), but I’m also having a lot of dental work done right now, and they keep telling me to try and switch to the regular pill vitamins. But every time I try, I throw up. So, right now I’m just trying to make the best of it and sticking to the one that I can tolerate the best.

And the biggest not-fun thing: I’m starting to experience some major hair loss. I knew it was one of the more common side effects of the surgery going in, but honestly it was also the scariest thing for me. It’s something that has always been a constant point of pride for me, the one physical feature I had that I’ve always loved and never felt shame or embarrassment about. So now to lose that…it’s more than a little devastating. I had a consultation at a hair salon last week, but there really aren’t any good options that won’t cost me more than I can really afford. So now I’m in the process of grieving my beautiful, soft, full hair and trying to accept that this is just a temporary thing, but it’s been really hard. I’m doing literally EVERYTHING that people have suggested to help minimize the loss and help it grow back faster, so now I just have to wait it out and try to find ways to make it tolerable until things stabilize. It’s honestly been the hardest part of this whole thing, which probably seems ridiculous but it’s the truth.

So the past few weeks have been a bit rough in trying to come to terms with it, but I’m not letting it derail me from my progress in other areas. I just booked my first trip out of state since 2019, finally getting back to traveling, which is a big love of mine and something I’ve been missing dearly. And I’m meeting a friend that I was supposed to meet right when COVID happened and messed up our plans, so I’m thrilled to finally get a second chance for that, and to be in a much better physical and mental state than I was in 2020. So despite the few struggles that I’ve encountered along the way, I’m still 100% happy with my decision and am completely committed to seeing it through. This year is when I start living again.

#bariatric sleeve #bariatric surgery #post op journey

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nuclearforest · 2 years

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Hello phrend. 😎 2deep4me writer asks:

What's the fic you're most proud of?

13. Do you take pride in your writing, or does it embarrass you? Why?

14. Do you compare yourself to other writers? In a positive or negative way?

15. How do you think your writing has improved over time?

Thank u for the ask!! Makes me very happy and lets me ramble abt stuff!

1, Honestly hard to say. Like, I'm proud of One Dog Night because it was the first thing I ever posted and like, really snowballed me into doing more and putting myself out there more. But on the other hand, Month to Love a Werewolf is the first multi-chapter piece I finished! And now Sirens' Guard Dog is on the way. I think those are my big three-- but as far as picking one goes?

It's really hard to say. I can't pick my favorite child lol.

13, Depends on if it is anon online or IRL.

Online? hell yeah i'm proud of being fully unhinged for my blorbo. almost at 350k in 2 years and like. ~300k of that is hans. my really sad sack awful blorbo who i love with all my little heart. stinky, stupid wolfman with a flair for the dramatic.

But IRL? I am a professional with a career you wouldn't catch me dead bringing up writing or fanfic in public. like, my folks asked me once over a holiday why I was on my laptop and what i was writing and i immediately had to bullshit that it was some stupid literary analysis to keep my skills sharp when, uh, it was really werewolf smut. very, very close to being busted but they aren't curious enough to press and i'm a fool not a coward.

THE ONLY EXCEPTION is when i am around those friends that are my enablers and don't care lmao. They think it's funny and it's on brand. Alternatively it's just one facet of the strange little gremlin they've let into their lives. I mean well--promise.

14, yeah. like, healthy or not i'm always out here comparing myself in both good ways and bad. some for learning new styles and tricks and broadening my horizons, but some for like. competitive purposes. and there's nothing to be competitive about but i've been in competitive schooling all my life and for a kid who grew up with little self confidence feeding on the praise of being "gifted" it really sticks with you. so there are many a conscious reminder that it's all for fun. that i shouldn't stress and that it's for me, even if some of that is a lie (i mean, come on--sometimes i'll write shit to brighten somebody's day but generally it's whatever catches my fancy).

but like, old habits die hard and i'm hungry for kudos and comments lmao. usually it doesn't get bad but if it does, i just bury my head in a different crafty pile of sand.

15, I HAVE A TIMELINE. we'll summarize it as exponential improvement and development tho lol.

nobody here will see the shit i wrote in middle school. we're talking paper journal self insert fic that i wrote chapters and chapters of (granted these were like, 100-ish words a chapter). talk about humble beginnings.

move to highschool and i have some fanfic and also a bit of OC work that I share in my school's creative writing club (bruh I STILL wasn't sharing fanfic).

in college I didn't write much. too busy under an engineering course load but i have a few things here and there. mostly fun little snippets of fluff to keep myself occupied.

but that said, now that i'm working and trying to live my best life, i've definitely gotten better in coherent plotlines, length, and fleshing out the details. i still have all the old stuff (even the paper journals, somewhere) and a decade+ later it's meteoric improvement lol. when i wrote One Dog Night that was the longest single story I'd written by a mile. and now i'm on a long chapter work i've updated weekly since i started it following an outline. i'm boggling my own mind.

but that said: i've always been creative and colorful, have not always been able to actually finish a story. funny enough, i've also never had a formal, regular beta and something tells me that won't change soon. (altho sometimes I do ask for a second set of eyes-- so thanks to y'all that have done it for me!)

can't wait to see how i keep growing!

#thanks for the ask #mun rambles

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smokeybrandreviews · 1 year

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Steady As She Goes

We’ve entered the lean times for Azur Lane updates. It’s Lunar New Year and, being a Chinese game, the staff is off for the holiday. That means content has been fee and far in-between. That hasn’t stopped Manjuu and Yostar from dropping a pretty solid event to commemorate the season. Now, i generally don’t go for these particular events because they are very much Chinese focused and i don’t have any attachment to my Dragon Empery dock so these last few weeks have been basically me cleaning house, shoring up other docks, and focusing on the grind. That said, i have made strides in a bunch of different aspect of my game so this is kind of just an update post.

The Happy Lunar New Year event was whatever. I mean, i participated with everything so, you know, i unlocked the majority of Accumulation ships that were available. I made a run at the banner and unlocked both Super Rare offerings pretty early. Like, immediately. On my first roll. Theseus was kind of a bonus, i wasn’t really trying to get her, but having Kuybyshev tumble right after was everything. A few days later, on routine roll for my Dailys, i popped Hwah Jah but, like, who cares? I’ve decided to focus on my Northern Parliament dock now that i am all caught up with the Iron Blood so the only ship i actually needed was Kuybyshev. My darling Deutsche always take priority but, since i only have to focus on new KMS events, (I'll get to that full update in a minute) i opted for the Ruskies as the next focus. After the Krauts, their aesthetic is my favorite in the game. I am a sucker for ice and dragons so that entire Fleet is right up my alley. Plus, i am lousy with Chkalov Blueprints so it makes sense. I’m actually finished with er construction at this point, all that’s left is the grind for those goddamn Experience points. Everything else has been completed so, once i finish my current Iron Blood grind, I'll let those Russian boats have some time in the waters.

Speaking of Iron Blood, I've come A LONG way since last i checked in. All of my SR ships are max level, in every way, with the exception of those subs. However, with the advent of the new Seasonal Cruise, i was able to max two of them to 125! Subs are a b*tch to accumulate Experience with so the fact that i have all of them topped off for the immediate level up once i get enough Cognitive Chips to do so, is a miracle. My hard, arduous, work has given me the opportunity to add U-47 and U-96 to the ranks of my 125 battalion. On top of that, the Cruise has made a massive dent in my pursuit of Rainbow Priority V Blueprints. I already has enough to complete Fried’s newly added Fate Simulation so the focus has been on Aegir this entire time. I am eighty-seven away from maxing out her own Fate Simulation, whenever that sh*t decides to drop. Speaking of Aegir, her new costume, Golden Dragon Among Auspicious Clouds, is f*cking awesome! That sh*t hits all of the notes, beautifully. It also helps that she’s animated in all the right places. Also, Prinz Rupprecht's new duds are adorable, too. The second i saw that The Gate Dragon's Advent cheongsam, i needed. So i got it. That means all my Prinz girls have an Live 2D costume so you know i am all in a tizzy about it!

All in all, the first few weeks of 2023 have been mildly eventful for me on the Azur Lane front. Love the Friedrich update. Love the new costumes for Rupprecht and Aegir. Definitely enjoyed adding a brand new Northern Parliament boat to my dock. I am pleased with my overall progress in terms of KMS development and always love a brand new Seasonal Cruise release. Seriously, it’s been a day and I'm already at fifty-two. Ya by don’t f*ck around with them sh*ts, man. They are too rich in treasure not to. While i don’t give two sh*ts abut the Dragon Empery in any form, i am glad to see they are getting a bit of love. I actually have all of the available ships for ROCN and didn’t actually know it. Like, I'm missing Harbin and that’s it. F*cking ridiculous, man. I’m an accidental completionist over here. Still, it’s been a productive few weeks since i last checked in and i am okay with that. Hopefully, we won’t have a KMS or SN event for a few months. I need to stockpile my Cubes and Finishers again. That eighty build mission hurt the pockets, man.

#Azur Lane #Dragon Empery #Northern Parliament #Happy Lunar New Year 2023

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stargazer-sims · 2 years

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Journal Entry #42

previously…

Victor

I hope everyone had a great Winterfest! Ours was relatively low-key, but it was fun.

First things first... before I get sidetracked, let me show you my gorgeous Winterfest present from Yuri. He'd been hinting about giving me something special, but I had absolutely no idea it was going to be something like this.

Isn't it beautiful? This kimono and haori were entirely handmade by Seiji's mother, who is a professional tailor. I love the colours and that it has maple leaves on it. It feels really special to have something like this designed specifically for me.

At first, I felt slightly worried about wearing it because I'm not Japanese, but Yuri did his best to assure me that it'd be perfectly acceptable, and that nobody would think I was doing cultural appropriation or something offensive like that. There are appropriate times and places to wear it, obviously, so as long as I stick to those, I think I'll be okay.

I wore it when we all gathered at Seiji's family's house for omisoka on New Year's Eve, and when we visited the shrine on New Year's day. Mrs. Hinamori was thrilled to see me in it, and kept telling me that I was doing justice to her creation.

Just as a side note, in case you were wondering, Japan celebrates the new year on January first, the same as we do in Canada, although the culture and traditions are different . A lot of other countries in Asia celebrate the Lunar New Year, which is usually a little later in January or early in February.

Right. Now that I’ve showed you my one-of-a-kind kimono, we can get back to the update, such as it is. There hasn't been all that much going on for us since our last update, which I realize was a few weeks ago, but we’re definitely not complaining about life being quiet for once.

Yuki spent Winterfest Eve and part of Winterfest morning with us. We had a fantastic time, dressing in our matching pyjamas, playing games and singing songs. Yuki fell asleep in Yuri’s bed while he was reading us a Winterfest story, and we just let her stay there, snuggled comfortably between us. On Winterfest morning, after breakfast and presents, Yuri took her home while I stayed here to get ready for our dinner guests.

In the afternoon, Sakura and Takeshi came over, as well as Taka and Fox, and Fox's twin sister Clancy who was here visiting him for the holidays. Seiji and his parents were at his grandparents' estate in the country for Winterfest, so he didn't join us. We all missed him, and even Clancy asked about him. If I didn't know better, I'd say there's a small spark of something there.

Yuri says I'm being silly, of course. Seiji barely speaks English, and I'm pretty sure Clancy's only Japanese words are konnichiwa and arigato gozaimasu. They can't possibly have any kind of relationship if they can't even talk to each other. But, I mean... Taka's taking language classes now, trying to improve his English for Fox, and it's astounding how quickly Fox is picking up Japanese just by talking with his host family every day as well as hanging out with us. Maybe Seiji and Clancy will be interested enough to start learning each other's languages, too. It could happen, right?

Yuri says I shouldn't meddle, which I'm trying not to do, but I just want everyone I care about to be happy. That's not unreasonable, is it?

I think one of the reasons things have been more stable for us lately is that since returning to Mt. Komorebi, Yuri and I have been trying to distance ourselves from his family's problems. Amazingly, we've been pretty successful in our efforts. We’ve made it to this point in January without being dragged into anything, after all. We still get regular gossip from Yuki, and we listen to what she has to say about everything, but that's about as far into it as we're willing to get. Neither of us is really interested in Hana's pregnancy drama or Mr. Okamoto's alleged affair with the former housekeeper and how he kicked her to the curb when he found out she’s also expecting.

Yuki seems happy that it's just her and her dad at home now. It sounds like they've been doing a lot of things together, including cooking and housecleaning. According to Yuki, even chores are fun when she and her dad do them as a team. They've been doing actual fun things as well, like sledding, skating, baking cookies and playing music together. Yuki says she's teaching her dad to ski. Honestly, I'd be shocked if he didn't already know how, but I'm glad he's pretending not to know so that his daughter can feel like she's helping him learn an important skill.

I'm not sure how Yuri feels, hearing about all Yuki's adventures with their father. I think he's pleased that Yuki is having such a great time, but there's something else underlying his happiness. I can't tell if it's sadness or anger, or maybe a mixture of both. Maybe it's resentment because he wishes his dad would do those things with him.

Yuri doesn't like to talk about his relationship with his father, or their lack of a real relationship, because the whole thing is too emotionally painful for him. All he ever wanted was for his dad to love him and accept him for who he is instead of treating him like an inconvenience and a disappointment, so I can imagine how much it must hurt to know his dad is bonding with Yuki the way he wishes he would’ve bonded with him.

I wish Yuri's dad would love him the way my mom loves me. Like, I've never once questioned her feelings for me. She loves me so hard, I can feel it from ten thousand kilometers away. Every time I talk to her, it's there in her voice and her attitude. It's in her body language when we video chat. I can hardly wait till we get home in the spring, so she can hug me with one of those super tight hugs that says I never want to let you go.

Sometimes I wonder if my father would love me like that if he were still alive. I often tell myself he would, because I think that's the kind of guy he was; open and ready to give something good to everyone he met. And you know what? The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced Julian also loves me that way, like the son he never had. I'm sure Mom loves Ellie like a daughter, too.

At first, I wasn't certain I liked the idea of Mom and Julian getting married, but now I'm more than okay with it because it occurred to me that we're essentially a family already, in all the ways that matter, and I think we have been all along. So, why not make it official?

On the subject of Mom and Julian, they were supposed to be coming for a visit, along with Ellie and Leo, but in light of their wedding, our big move and our Selvadoradan excursion being put on hold for the moment, everyone's decided to stay put. Last week Mom told me that she and Julian want to give their travel money to me and Yuri to help with the down payment on our haunted house. I'm not even joking when I tell you I cried over that. But, you guys know me. I cry over everything.

As for Ellie and Leo, they're using some of their travel money to move out of their respective parents' houses and get a place together. During Winterfest, they finally worked up the courage to tell each other how they feel, and they're now an actual couple. They called me and Yuri to tell us about it, and needless to say we were very excited for them.

Ellie says Julian is relieved that she's moving out, mostly because he wants to sell his house and move in with Mom. I'm glad Julian is moving into Mom's place. Julian's house isn't all that far away from Mom's, so it'd be totally fine if she'd decided to move in with him, but Mom's is right across the street from the home Yuri and I are trying to purchase, and I like the idea of being that close to my mother when we settle in Willow Creek. I like that we’ll be near enough to see each other in person every day, but that we’ll be under different roofs and free to carry on with our own lives.

In other news, there was an amateur snowboarding competition held here in Mt. Komorebi last weekend. Seiji, Sakura and I all decided to sign up for it, and we were shocked that the organizers actually let us.

Me and Seiji are international-level competitors and Sakura was too, until she retired after last season. Amateur competitions are good experience, which is the main reason we sometimes try to enter them, but it feels kinda wrong to seriously put ourselves up against a bunch of amateur enthusiasts who were just out there to have a good time. To be fair to the other competitors, we asked the organizers to tell the judges not to use our scores for the medal placement, which they agreed to, so maybe that's why they let us enter.

A really great thing about this competition was that Seiji and I didn't need to worry too much about our performances, even if our scores had been counted with everyone else's. This wasn't a qualifier for the All-Japan Snowboarding Championship, so it was the perfect chance for us to enjoy ourselves and maybe show off a little. I'll bet all of you know exactly who I was showing off for.

On the first morning of the competition, which was Saturday, Sakura and Takeshi stopped by our place for tea and a pep talk on their way up the mountain. If I didn't mention it before, Sakura and I work together at the fitness center, but we've been friends for longer than either of us have worked there. We met not long after I arrived, and I think I won her over immediately by praising her hot pink snowboard, Senbazuru. I didn't know he had a name at first, though. I was riding my old board, Silver Storm, at the time and being the snowboarding-obsessed nerd that I am, I introduced both myself and him. Sakura said I was crazy, and then told me her board also had a name. We laughed like idiots, and I think we were instantly bonded for life.

This season, Sakura is also my coach, which is beyond awesome. Last season was tough because Seiji and I had the same coach, and it sometimes felt like we were competing for his attention. Seiji said it felt kind of like a threesome, which is something I really don't want to contemplate. Anyway, Seiji is still with him. Meanwhile, Sakura has been kicking my butt into shape as best she can, considering the chaos and all the interruptions to my training schedule.

Sakura and Takeshi were on the go early. They turned up at our place just as I was putting breakfast on the table. Unfortunately they didn't have time to stay long, because Sakura needed to take Takeshi to work — he's a paramedic with the Mountain Patrol — so I put their tea into travel mugs which Sakura promised to return to us later.

As they were leaving, Sakura offered to transport my gear for me. Naturally, I wasn't going to refuse that offer. With my stuff going up the mountain in Sakura's truck, that meant Yuri and I could enjoy a nice walk without me having to carry anything.

You ever have one of those moments where you suddenly stop and think, 'I'm incredibly content with my life right now'? That was me on Saturday morning. It was a beautiful day. The sun was out, with just enough cloud cover that the snow wasn't blindingly bright, and it wasn't too cold or windy. There'd been a fresh snowfall overnight, and everything around us was glistening and magical as Yuri and I strolled up the quiet Kiyomatsu Point road, hand in hand.

"You're in a good mood," Yuri observed. "I don't think I've ever seen you this calm and relaxed on the morning of a competition."

"I don't really see it as a competition," I said. "Just an exhibition. There's nothing to lose. And I am in a good mood. How could I not be in a good mood when I'm out here with you?"

"This is nice, isn't it? I'm going to miss walking here with you."

"We may be moving, but we're not leaving forever," I said. "We'll come back for visits, and when we do, we'll have our walks. Plus, we can do this every day until spring if you want. Every day you're feeling up to it, that is."

He smiled. "I'd like that."

"We'll find quiet places to walk in Willow Creek, too."

"I know," he said. "I'm looking forward to that, but it doesn't change how I feel about this place. It's part of me, just as much as your hometown is part of you, and it's difficult to say goodbye."

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Please, don't be." He squeezed my hand. "I want to go with you and help you chase your dreams. You deserve to get back some of the things you gave up when you came here for me."

"But, what about your dreams?"

He stopped walking, and gently pulled me to a stop beside him. Turning to face me, he gazed at me and said, "You are my dream, Victor. The only thing I ever wanted was to be loved the way you love me. Maybe I'll come up with a future goal of my own once we're in Canada, but for right now, I just want to be with you and watch you reach yours."

"Thank you," I said, because there were no better words in my head.

Since our visit to Willow Creek in the autumn, I've noticed a big change in Yuri. I don't know exactly how to describe it except to say that he's less clingy than he used to be. No... that's not right. He's still clingy, but not in as much of a selfish, jealous way as before. He's been putting my needs ahead of his way more often, and I've got to say it's doing wonders for us as a couple.

"I love you," he said.

"I love you too."

We resumed walking after that, and our conversation turned to lighter things, like our plans to go to our favourite tea house with our friends this evening, and what we were going to get for Taka as a gift for his twenty-sixth birthday at the end of January. We recently found out that Fox's birthday is in January too, and he's also going to be twenty-six. We discussed the possibility of getting them something matching, and Yuri thought matching coffee mugs would be a good idea. I suggested that we could do them up in a cute little basket with some sugar-free snacks for Fox and some of the expensive coffee beans Taka likes. Yuri said he'd be in charge of decorating the basket, which is undoubtedly the wisest option. He has a better eye for that sort of thing than I do. My talents lie elsewhere.

Up on the mountain, the trail conditions were flawless. We couldn't have asked for a better day.

We found Sakura, and then went to retrieve Elsa and my other gear. Yuri carried my helmet. Whenever he's able to come and watch, we have kind of a pre-competition ritual that we do. He carries something of mine, usually my helmet or wrist guards, and we walk together as far as we can. Then, just before I head up to the top of the run and he goes off to the spectator area, he puts that bit of equipment on me.

"Don't break your neck."

"Arms and legs are okay though, right?" is my typical response.

It's kind of a dark joke, I know, and it probably fits into the category of what my uncle Stephen would call 'gallows humour'. But, here's the thing. Snowboarding is an extremely dangerous sport, especially in the alpine events. If a person doesn't know what they're doing or they're not completely focused, they can get seriously hurt or even killed, and regardless of whether you’re paying attention or not, accidents can still happen. Like, you're whipping down the side of the mountain at speeds that are almost as fast as a car would travel on the highway, except you don't have a seatbelt or an airbag to protect you if you crash. Broken arms or legs are a real possibility. Broken necks, too.

Yuri and I both know this all too well. A friend of his died in a snowboarding accident about three years ago. She suffered a broken neck and a catastrophic brain injury. Back home, I used to be acquainted with a guy who wiped out and injured his spine. He uses a wheelchair these days.

So, even though we joke around, it's not because we're taking it lightly. It's actually the opposite. We need something to loosen the tension, because laughing is always better than panicking.

Before we parted ways, Yuri put my helmet on me. "I'll see you later," he said, once we'd done our little routine. "Be safe."

I leaned down to kiss him on the forehead. "I'll see you in a little while. I've got the third position in line, so I'll be close to the beginning. I'll come and find you, and then we can grab a hot drink and then see if we can catch Seiji in one of his events, okay?"

"Okay," he said. "When is Sakura's event?"

"Women's Super-G is this afternoon."

"Do you think she'll be all right?"

"Sakura can handle herself," I said. "She'll put on a masterclass for everybody here today."

And she absolutely did. She nailed it, and she would've taken first place if her score had counted. In my opinion, she probably could've competed for one more season if she'd wanted to, but I also respect her decision to take her doctors' advice and retire. The next injury might not be so easy to recover from, and I feel like it makes more sense for her to retire on her own terms than to be forced into it because she literally can't ride any more.

I'm going to reach that point some day myself, where I'll have to decide that it's time to stop competing. I don't like thinking about it because sometimes I feel like snowboarding is the only thing I'm really good at, and I don't know what I'll fill my time with that makes me feel as self-confident and satisfied and alive as snowboarding does. I'm concerned that if I don't figure something out, I'm going to end up being one of those people who wastes away inside, remembering the glory days and wishing they could get that feeling back.

Yuri says I'm good at lots of things. He says I'll find my new passion, but honestly, I'm really scared that I won't. Don't get me wrong; I'm looking forward to starting university in September and eventually becoming a physical therapist, but I'm worried that I won't do well enough in school. Even if I manage to graduate, what If I don't love my chosen profession? Or what if I suck at it?

If I could've captured a fragment of last Saturday, with all the exhilaration, optimism and positive energy that went with it, I would have. I'd freeze time in that perfect moment and hold onto it until I was emotionally and psychologically ready to let go and move on. But, of course I couldn't. Life marches forward, whether we're ready or not.

Oh... I guess I should tell you that I finished first in my event, if you were curious. Seiji placed in the top three of both his events, but not first in either of them, which was kind of surprising. There are some very talented up-and-coming freestyle boarders around here, it seems.

At the end of the day, Yuri and I decided to go home for a while instead of hanging out in the public square and eating stuff from the food stalls. I needed a hot shower, a change of clothes and a decent meal. Yuri said he needed a nap and a snack, and I wanted to make sure he got some protein into him, which would 've been challenging with all the high-carb junk food they sell in the square.

Seiji and Sakura caught up with us at the square’s exit, and said they'd see us later at the tea house. Seiji was going to his parents' place for food first, and Sakura was planning to wait for Takeshi so they could go home together to eat as well. We all agreed that seven o'clock was a good time for tea and desserts, and Yuri texted Taka to see if he'd be off work by then so that he and Fox could join us.

With our tea party organized, we went our separate ways. Yuri and I retraced our path along Kiyomatsu Point Road, once again holding hands. I kept glancing at him, pleased to see that he didn't look as tired as I expected he would.

"You were amazing out there today," he said, and his enthusiasm shone through his entire expression.

"It's because you were watching," I said. "I always do better when I know you're watching. That's how I know I'm gonna crush it in the All-Japan qualifier in two weeks. 'cause you're going to be there."

"Unless something terrible happens to intervene, I'll be there," he affirmed. "I wouldn't want to miss it, and I promised you I'd be there, didn't I?"

"Like what? The only reason I can think of that'd keep you away would be if you're sick."

"I'd have to be too ill to get out of bed."

"If you were too ill to get out of bed, I wouldn't be going to the competition either," I told him. "I couldn't leave you alone like that."

"Let's hope for that not to happen," he said. "Let's hope we're both feeling our best."

"If this is going to be my year to win a medal at All-Japan, and to make it to the FIS Championship next year, everything has to go right.”

“Is it pointless for me to tell you not to worry about it?”

“You can tell me, but I’m probably still going to worry,” I said. “Just wish me luck.”

“Always,” he said. “You know I always hope you’ll do well. I’m your number one fan.”

“I love that.”

“I’m glad.” He clasped my hand in both of his, and gazed earnestly at me. “Fingers crossed that everything goes according to the plan.”

I nodded and echoed, “Fingers crossed.”

#ts4 #sims 4 #eagames #snowy escape #victorandyuri #victor nelson #yuri okamoto #victorsworldadventures #stargazersims

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